#the ending is an awful depressing fucking SLOG I hate it so much I don’t even want to wade through it.

[romanromulus]

hit 103k today. almost finished with this soul-sucking horror. exploding it with my mind

[itsclydebitches]

I got witcher!Ciri too! I kind wonder wha would happen if she died tho, dont wanna put geralt or her through that but I love angst lmfaoo. The game got really confusing at point cause I you have to learn a bunch of politics and how this world works and I didnt pay that much attention so I'm sure I'll get those moments in my second playthrough too I'm playing something in the hearts of stone thnig, it was lower level so I'm assuming you should play that first? a main quest with the asshole ghost in the wedding and wow I fucking hate it, it's so umcomfortable to watch geralt be this gross n weird lol, I'm not too familar when Shani either so watching her get mad when I get geralt to say he wouldnt do what the ghost is doing is so annoying lol, OH AND the ghost is a creepy fuck! shani babe you can do much much better than an asshole who talks about his dick and fucking "maidens" every other sentence!! Geralt really does get thrown into so much shit huh I'm tempted to read the books cause I do rly like the world and most- some characters but yeah reading about yen being yen wold be one of the things to stop me, what are some of the plot points that put you off? if you don't mind sharing And yeah I'd so be up for more content esp with ciri, would be cool to see them work together, even with how combat works in this game with npcs lmao

Woo witcher Ciri ending! :D If you enjoy putting yourself through pain I recommend looking up that other ending on YouTube because there are definitely some nice angst shots in the cut scenes. I watched and then promptly went, “I don’t need to play that for myself” lol. But yeah, hard agree on things getting confusing, especially towards the end. I completely missed stuff like the fact that my actions would actually impact this war, rather than the war simply being backdrop, or that Ciri’s powers were more than just the ability to teleport short distances. So by the time I was getting called on to murder kings and Avallach was taking us to totally different worlds, I had a very John Mulaney approach of, “This might as well happen. Things are already so goddamn weird.” Which, you know, really isn't the game's fault. It's what I get for jumping into the third game first and while I don't regret that at all, the story has absolutely deserved a second playthrough where I actually understand all the basic stuff I should have known going in.

Yeah, Hearts of Stone comes first. You can do any of the side quests you’d like from either DLC, but I’d recommend keeping Blood & Wine’s main storyline for the final push. But yeah, that ghost dude is, uh… something. I quite like the wedding on the whole—I really enjoy Shani, dancing is fun, O’Dimm is being a wonderfully evil dude—but yeah, dead dude is definitely a creep. Which is partly one of the things that turned me off from the books. It has the same ‘Guy trying to write women’ energy of the games but… worse. I’ve read a lot of excerpts over the years and so many of them turn me off. There are a ton of small things, like Triss importantly informing the witchers (who are all like 100+ years old??) about periods and that Ciri can’t train today because of hers (a moment that much of the fandom celebrates as... progressive?), or Triss and Yen getting super catty with one another over Geralt, to much bigger things like Ciri nearly getting raped/being involved in intimate acts with really questionable consent. A lot of the Witcher has a “This didn’t age well” vibe to it which, to be fair, isn’t entirely the fault of the author. The story is the product of 90’s Polish culture and, again, a man trying to write some pretty complex subjects from an arguably ignorant place, which makes much of the work eye-rolling for me at best, outright uncomfortable at worst. (Which I think is why I enjoy the games far more. I have agency in this questionable world, the ability to tailor it somewhat to my own beliefs and desires, which makes moments when that's taken away, like Geralt automatically commenting on how good Yen looks at a funeral, all the more frustrating). I obviously am not a Geralt/Yen fan, which sours a great deal of the plot. From what I got through the pacing felt like a slog and, more importantly, much seems to have been lost in the translation from Polish to English. (I continually hear about how amazing the dialogue is, but sadly that hasn’t come across in translation for me. Much of it is... awkward.) The parts I’ve heard about/read excerpts of that I’m most interested in—Geralt’s hanza—ends tragically and I’m… just not here for that right now. Which isn’t to say it’s badly written or anything, just that it’s not my personal cup of tea, especially nowadays with a pandemic and what all going on lol. I look at what I know of the series as a whole and go, “Do I really want to read five books filled with outdated representation for women, that old-school fantasy violence that turned me off GoT, with a super depressing ending, all wrapped up in an iffy translation and a style I don’t think does well in long-form storytelling? … Not really.”

Still loved most of the short stories and I’ve heard that many people liked the audio book versions when they couldn't get into the text, so I might give that a go someday. I’d prefer to actually have read all the source material for a fandom I’m spending so much time in, but I sadly just haven't had the urge yet. If you do read them, anon, you’ll have to tell me what you think. It’s becoming quite the divisive topic, especially as Netflix fans turn to the books, and—putting aside that everyone’s tastes will always differ—it’s interesting to hear not just whether someone had fallen in love with the books or not, but if they haven’t what about them prevented that. It's very much a case of one person's "That was awful" being another's "Are you kidding me? That's the best part!"

[dontshootmespence]

You’ll Get There

Summary: You plodded along. Day after day. Using the little joys to push through. Until one day your secret is revealed.

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Word Count: 1,553

Warnings: Self harm, depression, body issues, body image issues, insecurity. This is heavy, and really real for a lot of people, SO PLEASE BE WARNED BEFORE READING.

A/N: This is for an anon who is going through some things right now. <3

As you stared at the ceiling, your eyes felt heavy. You just woke up and all you could think of doing was going back to sleep. Being awake was too hard. Too pointless. 

But you had to work. Apparently that was a thing you had to do to keep on living. Slipping out of bed, you plodded toward the bathroom and the unholy mirror, readying yourself to look in the mirror and hate what was staring back at you. 

You turned on the light before you walked over the threshold of your bathroom. Over the years, you outfitted your bathroom with anything and everything you could think of to make it more inviting and comforting, but it did nothing to lessen the mocking silver reflection that caught your eye the second you walked in. “Fuck off,” you said to the inanimate object, almost angry it didn’t say anything back - at least then you could fight something and get some of this hatred out of your body. 

Zoning out as you brushed your teeth, you closed your eyes and tipped your head up toward the ceiling, brushing until your mouth hurt. After spitting into the sink, you couldn’t evade your reflection and stood there staring for what seemed like hours, honing in on everything you hated about yourself. Before too long, you got disgusted with yourself and walked back to your bedroom to get changed for work.

Once you decided on some dark wash jeans (the only kind deemed appropriate by your office) that were ill-fitting to say the least, and a plain red t-shirt that probably could’ve been thrown away years ago, you got dressed, pulling your pants up to your knees before sitting down on the bed. A few quick cuts with your razor drove endorphins through your body. You hated that was the relief you found; that you couldn’t find it anywhere else, but that was your life now, so you muddled through.

The only thing you had pushing through each day was your weekly pizza nights with Spencer, who lived one floor above you, but unfortunately his job had him away from his apartment more often than in it, so you hadn’t been to his place for two weeks. Thankfully, he was going to be home tonight.

As you ambled your way down the stairs, you found yourself thinking dangerous things. What would the world be like with you gone? Would anyone miss you?

Slipping into the car, you allowed a tear to fall before drying your eyes, using your pointer fingers to wipe away the waterfall of tears awaiting release. With a deep breath, you pulled away from the curb and went to grab your morning coffee. It was things like that - the routine of your favorite coffee - that kept you going each and every day. It saddened you. But maybe it was enough for now.

                                                             ------

Work slogged by slower than molasses. Every minute felt like an hour. You’d forgotten breakfast, forgone lunch because you felt like you didn’t deserve and were so hopped up on caffeine by the time your shift was over that you went through one of your favorite drive-thrus and binged leaving you feel like a complete sack of shit.

Thank God Spencer was going to be home tonight. Literally, each small moment with a friend, each song that came out from your favorite artist, each move that “you just had to see” - it was all that kept you going. 

After texting Spencer to make sure you were still on for tonight, you drove home and quickly released some tension in the only way you knew. A few new ones on the opposite leg then you cut this morning. A couple on your arm. Spencer texted back to say he was on his way back to the apartment with pizza, which gave you a few more minutes with your seemingly closest friend. Shining metal pierced soft flesh a few more times, just deep enough to feel something, but not deep enough to do any real damage. When you thought of that kind of injury, your heart dropped, which was the only thing that kept you from doing it, despite how god awful you felt. 

You bandaged up the cuts and slipped into some super baggy pants and a sweatshirt, forever wanting to hide the body you hated so much. Spencer assumed you dressed that way for comfort, which is why he always joined you and wore pajamas - if he only knew the truth. 

Your timing was immaculate, both of you arriving at his door within a minute of each other. “Have a good day at work?” He asked.

“I had a day,” you laughed. “But I’m alive.” He didn’t realize what an accomplishment that was. 

Spencer jimmied the keys in the lock and swept the door open, allowing you to walk in first. “Do you mind if I grab something to drink?” You always felt the need to ask, like you were being an imposing ass if you did anything else. 

“Y/N, my place is your place. Feel free to get whatever you want. You don’t have to ask.”

And now you felt bad for asking. 

You reached into the refrigerator and grabbed some juice, pouring a glass in the hopes that you could put off eating pizza for the time being. Binging after you left the office made you feel like you shouldn’t be eating anything for the rest of the day. 

As you reached into the cabinet and grabbed a glass, Spencer opened the pizza box and turned to grab plates, freezing in place. “Are you hurt?” He asks. You look down and see a blood drop on the floor. One of the cuts must’ve been deeper than you thought, the bandaids usually covered the evidence. 

“No, I’m fine, Spence. Don’t worry.” You hated having people worry about you. Made you feel like a burden to the world. 

Another drop fell to the floor. When you clutched your arm, he knew. “Y/N...”

“It’s nothing, Spence.”

“You’re hurting yourself. That’s not nothing.”

“I’m nothing. So it seems fitting.”

Spencer eyes blanketed with tears as he begged you to sit on the couch with him. “Please. Talk to me.”

“It doesn’t make sense. I know it doesn’t. I don’t wanna burden you.”

“You’re not. I’m asking you to talk to me,” Spencer replied. His voice was shaky and his skin was paler than usual. “Please, Y/N.”

“I don’t know,” you started, completely unsure of where to begin. How could explain how you felt? If you knew, you could do something right? “I hate myself.” It was a simple statement, but it was at the root of everything. “I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. I either binge or don’t eat depending on the day. I feel like a burden to everyone around me. Honestly, it’s just little things, like having pizza with you or listening to my favorite song that keeps me from ending it all.”

Spencer’s breath caught in his throat. “I can’t say that I personally understand where you are right now. At least not to the degree that you’re feeling it. But you aren’t alone. Ever. When people love you, you’re not burdening them. They’re opening themselves up to help you because they want to help. Will you let me refer you to someone? The psychologist the BAU works with, her friend has someone that specializes in your type of struggles.” He could sense the hesitance in your muscles. “Please. I know what your brain is telling you right now. That you don’t deserve kindness of any sort. But I’m telling you that’s bullshit. It’s garbage. And with time and help I think you’ll believe it.”

“I’ll do it,” you said softly, adding quickly, “for you.”

“I’ll take that.” He said quickly, relief flooding his voice. “Eventually, you’ll be doing it for you, so I’ll take what I can get now.”

Spencer stood up quickly, kissing your forehead as he ran into his bathroom. He’d never done that before. You two were friends. You wanted more, but didn’t believe yourself worthy, or that he’d return your feelings. 

When he sped back, he had bandages and some antibiotic cream, peeling your sleeve back without words to clean your wounds. “Thank you,” you said, watching a drop of water fall to the couch. You were crying. “Thank you, Spence.”

He slid his finger under your chin and tipped your head up to see the genuine concern in his eyes. “You’re welcome. It’s what you deserve. Okay?”

“Okay.”

After cleaning up your cuts, he pulled you close, allowing you to rest your head against his chest. Instead of eating and watching tv like you normally did, he just turned on some music and brushed his fingers through your hair. “I know I’m away a lot with work, but please, whenever you feel like cutting text me instead. I may not be able to get to it right away, but I will read it, and I will respond.”

Heavy with exhaustion, you nodded your reply, tears turning his light grey pajama shirt much darker. “I want to feel better. I just don’t know how.”

“It’s going to take time,” he said. “But you’ll get there.”

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Royal Assassin

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Not as stark a difference as with Assassin’s Apprentice, but definitely still there. Apart from all the obvious stuff, like feeling much more attached to the characters already and picking up more details, I think the biggest change was a complete lack of patience for the teen romance drama lol. There was a decent period where I was feeling quite frustrated with it. Not that I loved it the first time round, but back then I had a very different view of how it fit into the story. I saw it as teaching Fitz a depressing lesson of what it really means to be a royal bastard and a king’s man. Fitz’s literal need (for all he knows he would have been killed if not for his deal with Shrewd) and sense of duty to put his loyalty to his king and country first creates a relationship that is toxic, turbulent and built on lies. And teenage horniness masquerading as love. I saw all that the first time and thought it was just something he had to go through. Now I know it’s something he never really goes through but rather grips onto, romanticises and ultimately goes back to. I know the point of that is meant to be that he finally gets to have something for himself, but why it had to be Molly specifically??? I have very few qualms with Robin’s writing choices overall, but why she chose to write their relationship this way if they really are meant to be is beyond me, especially when so many of her other romances are written so well - it feels like it can’t possibly be unintentional. For most of this book they’re either fighting or fucking and honey! That ain’t love! Hell, Fitz all but sees her as just another demand on his time as the book goes on. But he can’t let her go because she’s the one thing he can point to that makes him feel normal. Not happy, not cherished, not safe. Normal. She’s simply a refuge from his real life. He literally says to Chade “I need her.” I find that so telling, man. It’s not really about her, which is a shame because Molly is great. They’re just really not good for each other.

So yeah. It’s just kind of trying to read all the Fitz/Molly stuff when you know and don’t like what it ultimately culminates in. At the same time… Bee… So I will always be conflicted lol. I just can’t separate the events of Royal Assassin from the furious disappointment I felt when I finished Fool’s Fate. Perhaps I’ll have a new Fool’s Fate experience this time that will make the next re-read a bit easier in regards to Fitz and Molly? But I won’t bet on it lol.

Anyway. It’s not as if I haven’t already said just about everything there possibly is to say about Fitz and Molly yet I also feel like I could go on about it forever. Luckily this is kind of as bad as it gets in terms of how much “screen time” they actually get (apart from Fool’s Assassin maybe? But they don’t bother me too much in that) so yay! I made it! And hopefully it’ll be a good few books before y’all have to endure my ranting about it again :)) Also hopefully this doesn’t give the impression that this read was more bad than good? It was mostly just a particular angsty chunk before they properly get together that was a bit of a slog to get through, but overall I really loved reading this book again and got a lot out of it.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

That Molly punches Fitz in the face hard enough that he bleeds and that Fitz fully intended to punch the Fool for asking if Molly was preggo before seeing he had already been beaten. I pretend I do not see it.

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

Omfg I was just about to say “huh we didn’t really get any major character intros in this book” bitch Nighteyes???? But in my defence I just. Cannot process the fact that Nighteyes is only really in 3 of 16 books he just feels omnipresent to me BUT his introduction is most definitely iconique and god I love him and he made me cry eight thousand times!

Favourite character arcs

Speaking of Nighteyes: what a glow up. He goes from angry, scared, untrusting little bb to……. Nighteyes. Like. How does one even describe the kind of person Nighteyes becomes. He’s just Nighteyes and I love him with all my fuckin heart!! He is Fitz’s constant… He is wise… He is silly… a comedic genius…… a big, open, unconditional heart. Incomparable. I can’t believe I’ve seen ppl saying they dislike/d Nighteyes……. Honey…… it’s called taste xx

Favourite quote/s

Again no tabs so it’s a bit harder to keep track but there were a few that stuck out enough to copy down. There are a lot of iconic quotes in this book that get shared a lot so I only bothered with ones I didn’t remember.

- “I wince to think of the price willingly paid for loving me.”

- “My soft, clean bed beckoned, like a soft, clean tomorrow.” (mood)

- “I looked and saw they were both made of hungers, like containers made of emptiness.”

Favourite relationships

Kettricken/Verity obviously. I was shocked by how little time they actually have together being in love before Verity leaves??? Because all I remembered was how strong their love is. But the whole journey towards that love is what makes it stand out as an actual compelling story in its own right. This is definitely one of Robin’s greatest skills as a writer; giving the minor characters depth by giving them their own relationships that grow and change and have a life of their own outside of Fitz. It makes the world feel so much more alive.

Also Burrich/Fitz in this book continues to be bittersweet, but with a lot more sweet in there than usual! They fully start out this book as a team. Burrich calling Fitz “FitzChivalry” makes me fuckin emo and idk why even. Burrich does seem to start seeing Fitz a lot more as his own person in this book which changes their dynamic in some rly nice ways. The fact that towards the end of the book Burrich even uses the wit to help Fitz is enough to make me cry tbh - and writing this has made me realise that I’m officially past any uncomplicated good times between Burrich and Fitz y’all mind if I fuckin die real quick!!

Fitz/Verity is soy pure and beautiful. Fitz and the Fool is always, always compelling and complex and tender and perfectly mysterious. But overall you’d have to say Fitz/Nighteyes, hey? They are literally meant to be, in a way so straightforward and undeniable and beautifully simple that I never really know what to say about it. Little brother!!! :’) They literally make me cry all the frickin time lol rip!

Favourite setting

There aren’t that many to choose from in this book! Ima go with the skill river bc hey, Robin’s magic systems are so unique and beautiful and the fact that the skill is written as a kind of a place is really frickin cool and deserves a shoutout.

Favourite chapter

The final chapter (not the epilogue) ummm broke my heart but it is written so beautifully, oh my god, it’s like an out of body experience. I feel like this is kind of when RotE becomes RotE - the first time it really goes to that place that is so fitting yet so unexpected, so beautiful, so tragic, so awful, so visceral. Making use of the genre to really test the limits of humanity; to see how far you can bend a person without breaking them and then refusing to turn away from the consequences. Idk man!! I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like a pretentious dick but it really is that intense and strange and overwhelming for me. There is something in that moment, when Burrich pulls Fitz’s body out of the earth and Fitz/Nighteyes is recoiling from it and deeply terrified… Something about the enormity of the existential questions raised converging with the pinpoint specificity of it all being wrapped up in the story of a character that feels so real and who you care about so deeply… It’s almost written like a horror scene, but that’s not quite the feeling. It’s just the RotE feeling; there are multiple throughout all five series, and it’s what makes these books unlike any other.

Most loved character

Fitz, Nighteyes, the Fool all had my entire heart this book. The Fool is just so sad and pathetic and literally must be protected!! I think I’m kind of obsessed with Burrich? Also I think I almost forgot how much I love Kettricken? She’s a complete badass of course but she’s also got the biggest goddamn heart like…. Who said she was allowed to be such a beautiful person???

But god, everyone. I love them all.

Most hated character

What can I say? Regal is disgostang. Wall Ass a close second.

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Shall I list just a few? :)

- Burrich screaming at Fitz through the bars of his jail cell, horrible things you can’t help but feel are at least a little bit true

- Burrich sobbing over Fitz’s dead body repeating, “You aren’t dead, you aren’t dead.”

- Fitz going to Nighteyes before everything went down on the night of the coronation and just fuckin hugging him really tight

- Fitz trying desperately to leave his broken vessel behind but not quite being able to disown his body

- The Fool being beaten

- The Fool being beaten again

- The Fool sprawled and weeping across Shrewd’s dead body

- The Fool really believing for a moment that Fitz had betrayed him and killed Shrewd

- Fitz tending the Fool’s wounds………. bitch….

- Chade giving Fitz a chance to escape with them and Fitz going to kill Serene and Justin instead

- Idk why this is even that sad but Nighteyes saying the only person he loves is Fitz!

- The entire incident with the forged ones literally tearing apart a three year old girl, which I had completely blocked out until now :)

- The fact that Fitz continues to be reminded and traumatised by this incident for the remainder of the book beCAUSE HE IS A GOOD BOY. A VERY GOOD BOY WITH A VERY GOOD HEART.

- Fitz repelling at Nighteyes to try and force their bond broken

- LITTLE BROTHER

- WOLVES HAVE NO KINGS

- High off his face Fitz calling Patience “mother” no shut the fuck up!!!!

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

- I’ve been trying for ages to decipher when the Fool started falling for Fitz, and I think I’m officially putting my money on their last interaction in AA. “I wish I had a place that was as much me as that place is you.” I mean. If someone said that to me… I’m not a slut but who knows, ya know? (I know this is more a note for the last book but I thought of it while reading this book. So shh.)

- It’s so clear to see this time how much Fitz’s sense of self and politics are affected by his time in the Mountains. He obviously feels much more inclined to their way of thinking about royalty and sacrifice and equality and returns to Buckkeep with a self-respect he’s never really had before. Weird how being among people who don’t just think of you as The Bastard will do that.

- It’s no wonder Fitz becomes so fixated on Molly; he literally has almost nothing else to occupy him and no companionship when she suddenly shows up

- It’s gross that he spies on her, obviously, but you can’t not take into account the fact that Chade has been teaching him since he was ten that this is justifiable behaviour; a reasonable way to gather information and get what you want. Fitz’s lack of social awareness goes further than him just being a little awkward; he has literally been trained to believe the only thing wrong with stalking would be getting caught.

- I’ve seen a few people talk about the fact that Regal isn’t appropriately punished as if it’s bad writing and like, while it is frustrating, it is supposed to be frustrating - it is not a plot hole. It made sense to me the first time I read it and it was even more obvious this time; Regal has the loyalty of the inland duchies. If he were to be publicly punished those dukes would rally behind him and raise hell, and Regal would no longer need to play the part of the dutiful prince. Even if Regal died a “natural” death - something I can’t see Shrewd or Verity orchestrating anyway - the inland dukes would feel that they no longer have a Farseer on their side and may, again, raise hell. It’s a delicate balance that would be outrageously difficult not to topple if you removed Regal from the equation. There is a lot more to it than I’ll bother writing here but yeah. I don’t really know how people can read this book and think that Regal retaining his life and position is some sort of lazy plot contrivance. It was all set up in the first book dude.

- Fitz and Nighteyes meeting in this book is the perfect metaphor for our need for connection versus the fear of inevitable loss. Fitz’s experience tells him that entering into a bond with an animal can only end in pain, yet he can’t resist it. In real life this is especially true with humans and our animal companions, since they almost always have a shorter lifespan than us; signing up to love them is signing up to lose them. But the same is also true of our relationships with other humans. And like Fitz, we have all had our fair share of loss and pain. We all have our reasons to be afraid of the connection we naturally crave. Sometimes we give in to the fear to the point of holding ourselves back from it entirely. That’s where Fitz is at when he meets Nighteyes. But what’s so beautiful about their arc as a metaphor is that it suggests that these connections, if we submit to them, are what keep our vital spark alive. Even when Nighteyes dies later in the series, the sentiment always remains, essentially, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” Ya boi is projecting bc it’s hard to be vulnerable and make friends as an adult, but I think the observation stands. Love and connection and vulnerability are key threads that run throughout all of Fitz’s story, but in this book it is best represented through him and Nighteyes.

- “I hoped I would not become too adept at lying to myself.” Honey, you got a big storm comin.

- Very inch resting (gay) that Fitz finds it hard to meet the Fool’s eyes. I know almost everyone does bc his eyes are weird, but I reserve the right to reach and I will absolutely NOT be accepting criticism.

- I find it interesting that Fitz says Kettricken’s wit is not strong just because she doesn’t use it exactly the way he does

- I know it’s not meant to be funny but……. The way Fitz described losing his virginity had me literally laughing out loud

- Fitz was really like “okay i better go break my bond with Nighteyes” just cos he and Molly fucked. Teenagers don’t deserve rights.

- You know what? I really, really appreciate how fucking weird these books are lol. What other author would use their magic system to have their characters accidentally intruding on each other’s awkward sex stuff? Okay, maybe a few, but they would do it to be like, edgy and sexy. Robin Hobb just does it to make you cringe so hard you lose several years off of your life.

- But seriously, even apart from the cringe stuff, these books get so strange and out there and like! That’s what magic is for! 

- Bruh. When Fitz is like “omg poor Verity…. He’ll never have what i have with Molly” I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone encapsulate the self-important delusion of teen romance so perfectly lol. Wow.

- Okay some Fitz/Fool stuff that made me lose my tiny mind. Sorry.

- Fitz literally said about the Fool “he burned too brightly” I WILL DIE.

- Fitz is always like, irritated by the Fool… yet positively delighted by his presence at the same time…… okay bitch

- Inch resting how Fitz has always been uncomfortable with the Fool getting serious. I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts on this into words so like. I’ll just put it there. Make of it what you will.

- “Sit on my clothes chest and take your shirt off…” i stopped fucking breathing noah fence

- “I ran my fingers lightly down the line of his jaw, and around his eye socket. At least no bone seemed damaged. ‘Who did this to you?’ I asked him.” my GOD this is literally textbook gay/romance. It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

- Straight from my notes: “I can’t even focus on reading this bc it’s the first time they are tending each other’s wounds and I am a homosexual!” and “the gays are quaking!! (it’s me I’m the gays)

- Okay wow! I think that’s it! Hello if you made it this far! Hope this was remotely coherent and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts on my thoughts :)

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

[clockworksalsa]

not a fan of the epilogues

mmkay I’m just gonna say that I, personally, hate the epilogue. I get the point behind it, the metaphors, the parody, the canon and non-canon duality. There’s some good shit in there, lots of classic deep homestuck shit and just generally playing around with disseminating tropes.

But it wasn’t GOOD, y’all. There’s nothing wrong with dark content, especially considering that the comic has always fluctuated between nonsensical whimsy and gripping drama, but this was a fucking chore and a half to slog through. It made me feel gross and heartbroken. It had no homestuck charm, nothing to cut through the no-holds-barred feature length depressive episode. In the comic, someone could be literally murdered and it still be enjoyable. Gamzee’s showdown with Karkat, and the preceding hunt of his former friends, was tense and gripping and dark, but it never made me feel disgusted or violated, which is what the epilogues lacked.

I don’t know how to do line breaks on mobile i- here’s more in depth stuff

Some characters were so washed out in the epilogue (like roxy, in candy) they were practically paper thin. Where was the depth? Where was the heart? It felt like a huge, cruel, soulless joke. Defend Dirk and Jane’s arcs all you want, I can SEE it, but it doesn’t mean that they HAD to become evil in the end what the hell. Jade? Jade? They made her so uncomfortable and literally icky. All that shit with Gamzee was absolutely uncalled for. I can’t help but feel like they stretched these characters and their personalities either uncomfortably far, or made them literally invisible and useless.

You cannot tell me that every character was IN character. That the timeline of events felt natural. It was a clusterfuck of terrible events specifically orcahstrated to make us feel awful for wanting a more thorough cap on Homestuck, and that’s just mean-spirited! Like it or not, it did NOT do canon justice, and was a slap in the face to us and the entire breadth of canon! It was fucked up!

There’s being gritty and then there’s being over the top, pushing limits and going off the rails. These epilogues went way past what was necessary, and for what? It felt like nothing in the epilogues mattered, because nobody really cared for long or reacted to much, which means that half the events were more for shock value than actual story development. It was almost like cheap jump scares in horror movies. Yeah, maybe it plays into atmosphere, and maybe it helps build tension, but it does nothing plotwise, and just startles the viewer.

You’re allowed to enjoy it, of course, if it really your cup of tea, I suppose. Like the comic itself, though, we gotta call a spade a spade and recognize that it’s not perfect, it’s got some glaring flaws, and some stuff that felt really awkward and gross. It was nowhere near the quality of the original, and kind of was a huge downer to read, putting it lightly. but I really cannot see it being related to homestuck whatsoever. It’s fanfiction at best, a mockery at worst.

TL;DR- I feel like the epilogues really served to spurn the reader. It was hard, if not at times impossible, to enjoy the content itself, and hard to reconcile what we remember from canon with the absolute nightmare that the epilogues depicted. If you liked it, cool. Just recognize that the work has its flaws and a lot of that stuff really served no purpose but to make it dark and terrible, which is a hard u-turn on the dual whimsy and drama of homestuck.

[outofoxygen]

Revisiting HOME

I’m revisiting HOME, because I felt I was too unfair in my last review of it. As such, I will be ignoring my last attempt to review it. [Spoilers for HOME]

HOME is an OFF fangame created by FelixtheJudge, who also was the creator of several Don’t Starve Together mods, which are now left sadly unfinished. I will note that Felix has unfortunately passed, and give my regards to those who knew him. I would also like to mention I have nothing against FelixtheJudge himself, and I think the guy was a very talented individual. Now then, preferring not to dwell on depressing matters, I shall turn towards reviewing HOME.

Part 1: Plot Synopsis

HOME is a fangame in which you play as Pablo, or The Judge. After being awoken in Zone 0 from his rest, he goes outside to find The Batter standing before him, who then declares his intent to purify the world. After The Judge applauds his goal, he then marches back inside, only for a premonition of The Batter’s potential for harm to hit him. He then chooses to head off to Zone 1 to warn the Guardian.

Zone 1 mostly plays out similarly, just this time you venture to find Alain (I’ll talk about him later) in the basement of Pentel. You then voyage off to the Meatworks to fight Pentel himself. Of course, you head off to Shachihata, meet The Batter and optionally fight him on a roof, then go off to Alma where you fight Dedan.

Zone 2 also plays out similarly, this time allowing you to wander the residential area instead of being booted out quickly. You then head off to the Library, where Japhet reveals himself on the roof. This time, however, you rescue Valerie (somehow alive) and head off after allowing The Batter to kill him.

I don’t need to repeat myself for Zone 3, do I? This time, you don’t get the pipe minigame though. Sad.

Zone 4 is, however, a new zone. It’s edgy, and it’s full of diseased inhabitants and crazed gunmen. In an OFF fangame. If you haven’t played HOME and haven’t reached Zone 4, let me tell you, I’m not joking about that. The lovable elsen are depressed, diseased, and/or a gun-toting maniac looking to riddle your cats with bullet holes. You fight Shachihata, the apparent postman turned into a crazed burnt general in Zone 4, before heading up to fight the Guardian herself, a kind-of lame Hugo ripoff. Oh sorry, you fight The Witness, a fluffy black cat with an add-on. You’re supposed to snipe the add-on, by the way, because The Witness is overpowered as all living hell. So after suffering through fighting The Witness, our favorite capped, bat-toting Batter runs up and smacks The Witness real hard with his cast-iron.

Then, you’re forced to go on a romp through the purified zones where The Judge decides The Batter is awful, despite being rude and churlish to The Batter before he ran around the purified zones. Well, you finally head off to the Courtroom, a depressing slog.

Anyways, flowery bits aside, you fight The Batter in the end (removing the choice) and you win. There’s two endings, one where the Judge’s party gets wiped in The Batter’s dying moments, leaving The Judge a sick puppy. The other ending is a happy-go-lucky ‘the world got fixed, yay’ that lacks the potency of OFF’s ending.

Part 2: Characters

The Judge - Our favorite enigmatic, eloquent, knowledgeable feline. Unfortunately, it’s hard to keep a character enigmatic whilst keeping them playable, so.. he’s an eloquent, knowledgeable feline. However, The Judge has to pause every five goddamn seconds to get exposition, so he’s an eloquent feline. I guess it works. Either way, he’s The Judge we all know, this time just with a pure-good paint on.

Alain - Here’s where I get to praise HOME for a character. Alain is written entirely as a neutral character. He is only looking out for himself, and he only seems to really care about himself. He’s selfish and starving, and only follows along with The Judge to prevent himself from starving. He is, however, loyal enough to stick around, and in the end chooses to stick around with The Judge and crew. I’d say he turns out well enough in his ending.

Valerie - To be honest, he’s played as The Judge 2.0. Of course, from what we know, Valerie was a shy, soft-spoken cat who enjoyed books and soft, cool colors. However, here, he basically acts like a second Judge. I, to put it bluntly, think it’d be better if he was killed by Japhet. Yeah, The Judge might have sat around on Zone 2′s roof, screaming at the top of his lungs, pretending the echoes belong to someone, someone he used to know, but his party could’ve dragged him off to finish the game. It’d give him a reason to hate The Batter. (Edit for clarification: The reason being: The Batter is just standing around and doesn’t even assist him in helping to remove Japhet from Valerie. That’s what I was thinking when I wrote this.)

Jozlyn - This.. ‘character’ is the anti-Alain. An original addition, Jozyln is a ‘cute’ ditzy lunatic with barely any good character to speak of. She’s annoying, the token girl, and basically serves little purpose other than filling up The Judge’s party. Every time her facesprite appears next to a textbox in the game, I feel like I’ll have a stroke and an aneurysm at similar times. That hideous ‘:3′ she includes next to every. fucking. sentence. is nowhere near charming or endearing, and instead gives me minor brain damage and a serious migraine. Honestly, I hope no one on this Earth likes Jozlyn, because if you like Jozlyn, then I don’t think you know what a good character is.

The Batter - Yet another point where I get angered intensely by HOME’s lacking characterization. The Batter in OFF is a focused and dedicated purifier. His mission is not presented as wholly evil; in fact, it can be viewed as good in some circumstance. However, I hold the stance that The Batter’s mission was entirely neutral, as he did destroy the impurity, but also took down the whole broken world of OFF with him. However, HOME took the liberty of personally raising its middle finger in The Batter’s face, then shooting him in the knees and head. By that, I mean it took no time to examine the good and neutral parts of his mission, and instead painted him as purely evil. The Batter is, even worse, portrayed as a horrendous dick. Yes, The Batter was entirely apathetic to the suffering of elsen. Yes, he clearly didn’t care about the loss of innocent lives. But, in the end, The Batter wasn’t so much of a dick as he was an apathetic stoic until the very end.

The Witness - This character.. she also disgusts me. For a different reason. The Witness is a shoved-in plot device and, unsurprisingly, massive mary sue. For some unknown reason, The Witness is inexplicably overpowered, and cannot suffer damage lest she renders your party entirely wiped by her overpowered abilities. RNG forbid you get a status effect on her, because if you so much as touch her with a single one, she will be ‘targetted’. See, if The Witness is Targetted, she will automatically perform her annoying 100 damage attack, thus causing annoying amounts of damage just because she may have gotten poisoned, stopped, insane.. Just don’t get a single status effect on her, or else she’ll maul you to shit.

Part 3: Basic Enemies

I’ll make this simple: The basic enemies don’t fit in with OFF. At all. Aside from odd style differences at random points, only a few enemies have the hand-drawn and quirky feel of OFF’s enemies. I couldn’t imagine fighting a Burnt and one of HOME’s countless enemies side-by-side. The Plague Doctors, at least, look slightly like they come from OFF.

Part 4: Merchants

Okay. If you’ve read my criticism about merchants from CONFINIUM: Act 1, then you know I hate how that masked chucklefuck always seems to he-he-he his way into every single goddamned fangame from here to Mars. Is it that hard, that physically excruciating to try to think up another merchant who you can’t just copy-paste that whole ‘Show me the colour of your credits’ speech from? Zacharie is a well-made character, and I have no problem with the way he’s written in OFF itself. However, every single fangame has to have him ripped straight from OFF, with a bland ‘amigo amigo he he’ personality.

Oh, and there’s another merchant named ‘Viola’, but I don’t think she’s too important. Especially since I hate her character too, because it’s blander than the taste of bleached cardboard. By the way, I think I mentioned that Viola was a tumor, and I stand by that fully.

Part 5: Lore

It takes place in the world of OFF, so obviously it uses OFF’s lore. Zone 4, also Bordeaux, is basically just a hellhole because a disease came along and screwed over the whole place. Let’s just hurry along to Part 6 so I can finish up.

Part 6:  Does This Game Fit In With OFF?

Does this game fit in with OFF.. Does it? I’m partly confused about what to say. There’s points where I think HOME is genuinely clever and enjoyable, and I don’t hate the story. Unlike CONFINIUM: Act 1, I clearly don’t enjoy HOME immensely, but I also don’t hate the fangame, to be honest. I guess it could? But I’m not sure on that.

Part 7: Conclusion

Now that I’ve gotten this far, what else can I say? This revisit just reminded me that it has more than 1 tumor (specifically 4), and it reminded me that there is a few things I like about HOME.

However, would I recommend this fangame? Maybe. Probably. I’d recommend it as an example of a highly polished fangame, and as an example of an okay fangame, but not as an example of a good fangame. There’s better fangames, and I know plenty.

Altogether, play CONFINIUM or NEW instead of HOME if you want. That’s this revisit wrapped up.

[fraudulence-paradox]

04/13/2021

Well. Perhaps I was overconfident in my last journal entry. I failed the exam.

It sucks. It sucks a lot. Luckily, I had the rules wrong; I’m not getting kicked out of the Ph.D. program. I get to retake it, but if I don’t pass next time, I do get kicked. Maybe. I think I can petition not to be? I don’t know. I don’t want to find out.

Turns out there was a section on the exam that I didn’t know about that has an easy question every time. Everyone in the lab was like “why didn’t you take that section?” and I wanted to say “why didn’t anyone tell me about it??” Whatever. It’s over and done with. With the two first questions, the free question from the easy section, and hopefully one or two from the linear systems section I should be fine.

I wish they would tell me my score at least. I’m literally not allowed to know anything. They can’t tell me if I bombed it, what questions I got wrong, what my cumulative score was, nothing. But alas. So we beat on, right?

I don’t know if I can blame the pandemic for this, or just my shitty habits when I lived alone, or what, but I’ve been a complete mess lately. My drinking is getting a little out of control. Like, I don’t think I can go a day without it without some serious convincing. At the moment, it’s totally psychological at least. My hands don’t shake and I don’t get like withdrawal sickness or anything, but it is pretty annoying… and expensive. But frankly, what the hell else is there to do other than get shitfaced every night? It’s not like I can go out anywhere.

Compounded with that, I’ve started to gain a fairly significant amount of weight. Which, I suppose is to be expected. I haven’t been to the gym in literally a year because of the good ole SARS-CoV-2 buggaroo. But I’ve also been eating shittier, walking less (again, thanks, virus) and just generally being a fat asshole. I wish it was different.

I’m worried because I’ve just had these awful habits for almost a year now. I don’t know how the hell to break out of them. Like, even just quitting drinking would save like a thousand calories a day—that alone would probably get me back to my old levels of slimness. God I miss the gym.

I’ve just been so… I don’t know, unmotivated. Like, every day just blurs into the last. Days drag, weeks fly by, that whole thing. I’m in such a rut. It’s a comfortable and boring rut, the most insidious kind. I barely draw, play guitar, even play videogames anymore. I just lay in bed and stare at my phone. Writing here is sort of an accomplishment for me. Anything other than just sitting around staring at the internet is, really.

Even the whole Ph.D. thing, supposedly my dream, is becoming a chore. Maybe it’ll be different when it’s back to being in-person, but trying to research from home is so hard. I just hate it. It was fun at first because I didn’t have to commute, and I was doing cool work, but now I feel like I’ve just hit the end. I don’t even know what else to study. Papers just don’t interest me like they used to. I’m just so fucking sad and depressed and empty.

I went to the store today, and I literally couldn’t tell if it was a dream or real life just because it felt the same. Everything I do is surrounded by this haze of tired empty nothing. This blah that doesn’t feel like anything. And I know that if I just stop this drinking, go to bed earlier, get more exercise, stop staring at my phone like a zombie—if I quit doing all of that shit, I’ll be more productive, and probably happier. But, I just can’t. And I don’t know why. I don’t know if this is something everyone is collectively going through right now, or if I’m just especially inept, but I can’t take it anymore, but I also can’t stop.

At least I finally got vaccinated. I got my first shot about 3 weeks ago. I got the Moderna one, so I can’t get the next shot until at least next week. But after that, and two weeks of it stewing in my blood, pretending to be the real COVID while my white blood cells and B-cells and whatever else gobble it up, I can finally go back to being a human again. I never thought I’d say this, but I really crave structure. I just don’t function well without it. I need to go into school and sit in my little lab cubicle and have all of that there so coming home feels like an event. As it is now, work and leisure just blend into one another. I stare at reddit and other shitty social media sites during work hours, I sleep in when I can, I get the minimal amount done, and then I just do that all day. I don’t really stop half-working, but I never really start actually working.

The whole ritual of the train ride in was its own form of catharsis. I have a whole journal on paper of that time. It spans most days up until school got shut down. It’s still full of my depressing musings or whatever, but I could just get all that shit out, then go in, and by the time the day ended, I was happy to be going home. Hell, I was happy to be at work too! Like, when it’s in-person, it hardly even feels like working. It’s just fun. But right now, it’s a slog.

Hopefully things turn around soon. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

[boschlingtumbles]

It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding (Chapter 3)

“Great work today, Beric,” his Evidence Professor smiled benignly at him. Beric beamed. “Gunner,” someone coughed behind him, and a number of the other students tittered. Beric tried not to let his shoulders drop. This was stupid, he was 24 years old, a law school student at the top of his class. What did he care what some douche bag students thought about him? It would have just been nice for law school to be different from college. Or college to have been different from high school. He sent a mental prayer to the universe that at some point this cliquey nonsense would end. When he got to the student lounge, he stopped to carefully post one of the flyers that Thoros had given him for his pub’s trivia night. He had finished stapling it to be perfectly offset against the neighboring help wanted poster at eye-level, and had taken a step back to admire it, when another group of students came in. “Oooh trivia night!” A bubbly 1L paused, no doubt attracted by the excellent placement of the flyer. Beric smiled. “Pfff that’s a townie bar,” one of the guys from earlier sneered. “You’ll get stabbed on the way home.” Beric frowned. He opened his mouth to firmly lecture them that the income disparity in Oldtown was one of the highest in the country and they should be more cognizant of the tremendous economic privileges they all enjoyed as students of the Citadel. And also his boyfriend was a bartender at that bar so shut the fuck up. Then he thought better of picking a fight with his classmates and shoved his hands in his pockets. 2L year was almost over. He just needed to stick this out for one more year and then he could join a district attorney’s office and crusade for the downtrodden and this would be a distant memory. Thoros was already at work when he got back to the apartment, so he cooked a quick dinner and ate it while slogging through his reading. Part of the problem with being a law student while Thoros was a bartender was that their schedules were almost completely out of sync. He went to classes at the Citadel all day, got home around six. Thoros’ shift was from 5pm to 2am. By the time Thoros stumbled home around 3, Beric was usually sound asleep. And good luck trying to wake Thoros up before 10. Basically it had taken a toll, because Beric had discovered that life without Thoros was boring, depressing, infinitely more irritating and definitely more sexually frustrating. So when he finished his outline for the Criminal Procedure reading, he tried to turn to Patent Litigation. And instead found himself wondering how trivia night was going. Maybe he should just stop by and check. If people were focused on the trivia, the actual bar might be relatively quiet. High Heart was run by a tiny woman who was impossibly old and quite crazy. Naturally she got along well with Thoros. Beric was not a huge fan, largely because she liked to address him as ‘Lord of Corpses’. A motorcycle crash in high school had left him with one eye, a fairly gruesome scar around his neck and several far more gruesome scars on his chest (which nobody ever saw but Thoros). Basically overnight he’d gone from being universally considered adorable, tall, dark blond hair, blue eyes, to being universally considered fairly alarming looking—gaunt, eye patch, etc. Lord of Corpses indeed. So thank you, shriveled little witch creature. Beric immediately felt guilty for thinking that about an elderly woman who didn’t seem to have much in the way of family aside from her granddaughter and resolved to try and be nicer to her. Fortunately his new resolution was not put to the test as he entered High Heart. Jenny (the granddaughter) was on duty and reading the trivia questions cheerfully into a microphone. Beric turned toward the bar. Pouring a pint of beer, red top knot bent over the task, was his boyfriend of six years. Even seeing him was enough to send a spike of dopamine straight through his brain and he grinned. Thoros finished filling the beer, swiped the excess foam off the top (Beric felt just the teensiest bit inappropriately aroused by that—this had been a rough year) and slid it expertly down the bar to a patron. “Hi,” Beric blurted less than suavely as he collapsed on a bar stool. Thoros smirked and slouched over. “What are you having?” He said, pretending Beric was just a regular customer. Beric narrowed his good eye. He could play this game. “I don’t know,” Beric spoke quietly so that Thoros had to lean forward over the bar to hear him. “What am I having?” He tried to lace it with innuendo. A smile twitched across Thoros’ face, so it must have worked. “You’ll have to speak up a little bit, I can barely hear you,” Thoros teased. Beric blushed. “A draft of the winter ale?” Thoros pretended like he had responded. He poured it, and Beric laid his head on the bar with a pout. “There, there,” Thoros patted his head. “If that guy down the bar gets up and leaves we can reevaluate.” Beric shot his most ferocious glare down the bar at the old man obliviously nursing his beer. “You’re adorable when you’re sulking,” Thoros pushed the cold glass against his neck, forcing Beric to lift his head with a yelp. “Now do you want to tell me about it?” “Law school sucks. Law school students are the worst. I miss you,” Beric took a sip of his beer moodily. “You have me right here,” Thoros rolled his eyes. “I wanted to have you right here,” Beric raised his eyebrow. “You gave me a winter ale instead.” “I have a good feeling about later,” Thoros winked. “Look at that geezer. He could die at any minute.” “I try not to bet on other people dying first. I usually lose,” Beric said gloomily. “So what’s happened? You left me a smiley face breakfast sandwich this morning so I thought things were going well.” “I made you a smiley face breakfast sandwich this morning because you deserve a smiley face breakfast sandwich every morning,” Beric said.  “And if I didn’t you would probably eat dry cereal and that’s not healthy. But returning to your question, it’s just my classmates being dicks.” “It can’t be worse than high school.” “I honestly think it might be,” Beric sighed as Thoros took a generous swig from the beer. “You’re exaggerating for a sympathy fuck,” Thoros drawled. “I’m not! They’re completely awful! They’re entitled and self-absorbed and all they want to do is work at white shoe corporate law firms and spend their six figure salaries on fancy cars and trophy wives. They hate the kids who actually try in class and they make fun of the kids on scholarship and they’re...” Beric suddenly trailed off. “What?” Thoros looked up from the glasses he’d been cleaning as he listened. “They’re here,” Beric hissed in a low voice. “That’s them! At that table near the back!” He nodded his head at the boisterous group of students lounging as if they owned the place. Jenny read the next trivia question, and Beric was appalled to see no fewer than two of them check their phones to look up the answer. “They’re cheating!” Beric scowled. “They’re trying to be lawyers and they’re cheating!” “S’good practice,” Thoros shrugged. When Beric frowned, he sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell Jenny to make sure that group is disqualified if they win. Don’t you think you’re taking this maybe a little too seriously?” “They are ruining the integrity of the game for everyone and they are the worst,” Beric bit. “I feel like you’re missing what’s really important here,” Thoros smirked mischievously. Beric looked at him suspiciously, not sure where he was going. This expression usually meant trouble. “What’s really important?” He said slowly. Thoros leaned forward into his space. “That geezer is paying his bill,” Thoros whispered, his breath tickling Beric’s ear. Beric turned slowly. He was. Suddenly this day was improving. And then it wasn’t. The door slammed open, revealing an all-too familiar face. “Robert!” Thoros said cheerfully. “Gentlemen!” Robert plopped down on the seat next to Beric, sounding already more than a little tipsy. “I’m going to be a dad!” Beric spat some beer back into his cup and started coughing. Robert reached over and thumped his back with a force that rattled every bone in his body. “Congratulations!” Thoros seemed serenely unphased. “Who’s the lucky lady?” “Cersei!” Robert beamed. Beric’s cough turned into more of a hack and Thoros got him a cup of water. Which allowed him to avoid speaking for a while longer. Cersei Lannister had been a year below them in high school. She was strikingly beautiful and more than a little crazy. She and Robert had always been a bit of an odd match—Robert was playing with a few cards short of a full deck and Cersei was playing with six sets of cards and some cyvasse pieces. On the other hand, Robert’s childlike disregard for others complimented Cersei’s sociopathy nicely. Or terribly. Depending on your perspective. More disturbing in the short term was how Robert’s love of alcohol complimented Thoros’ love of alcohol. “You know what this calls for?!” Thoros was already reaching under the bar. “SHOTS!” Robert whooped. “Shots!” Thoros echoed, slamming a bottle of high end vodka on the table. “Shots,” Beric forced himself to smile. Because if you can’t beat them, join them. Several shots later... “I’ve never loved anybody but Cersei,” Robert was saying, looking at Thoros through the bottom of his shot glass. “What about Lyanna?” Thoros asked, finishing the beer Beric had abandoned. And then the beer the old man from before had abandoned. “Psh that wasn’t real love. I loved like... the idea her right? And the sex. That was good too. But the sex with Cersei is better. She’s like a sexy lioness.” “Are lionesses sexy?” Thoros scrunched his nose as he tried to pry the still half full fifth shot from Beric’s hand. Beric allowed him to transfer Beric’s grip to Thoros’ free hand, so they were now holding hands across the bar as Thoros drank the remainder of the booze. Beric promptly lay his head down on their hands. His boyfriend. He loved him so much. He hoped Robert found somebody this great. Thoros was absent-mindedly stroking his hair. “Is Beric asleep?” Robert asked. “Just resting I think. Low tolerance.” “Not everyone can be us,” Robert laughed. “I’ll drink to that!” “So will you be a groomsman at our wedding? I wanted Beric to be one too but Cersei said I could only have four.” “Psh probably can’t find more than four female friends.” “That’s totally it. I was surprised she could find four honestly.” “She should just stuff Jaime Lannister in a dress. Boom, problem solved.” “Ha! Wanna switch to beer?” “Chyeah.” “Hey,” this was a third voice, another guy. Why did it sound familiar? “Can you stop talking to your friends and take my order?” “Can you stop being an asshole and fuck off?” That was Robert. “I know you,” the voice said. “You’re the quarterback for the Oldtown Maesters.” “Uh yeah, you a fan?” Robert tried to adjust the level of hostility in his voice. “You could say that. I’m top of my fantasy football league thanks to you! Three interceptions last game? Ha you’re a complete shit show! I rearrange my team every week to bet against you!” Oh no. Beric placed that voice now. It was the jackass from law school. He lifted his head. “Burton Crakehall,” he said matter of factly, having to lift his voice to be heard over Robert’s audible growl. The Westerman was as per usual flanked by a couple of sneering lackeys. “Dondarrion, didn’t see you there. What the fuck are you doing in a dump like this? I would have pictured you sipping Chardonnay in some Lysene joint,” Crakehall snorted, extending a pinky as he mimed holding a wine glass. Beric glared. “Perhaps we are getting off on the wrong foot,” he said evenly, trying to keep his temper in check and salvage some dignity from the situation. “Burton, this is my boyfriend Thoros Asshai and our good friend Robert Baratheon. Burton is in my year in law school.” Crakehall gave Thoros a distinctly unimpressed once over that had Beric grinding his teeth. Thoros stared back, arms crossed. “I guess when you’re all maimed you have to take what you can get,” Crakehall muttered to one of his lackeys as they started to retreat. Thoros’ face darkened, but Beric grabbed his shoulder. He was nowhere near fast enough to stop Robert however. Robert covered the distance between himself and Crakehall in a single bound. “You can let us know,” he snarled, picking up the man and hurling him bodily into a wall. The bar went completely silent, as the remainder of Crakehall’s table stood up. “Who the fuck do you think you are?!” Crakehall bounced to his feet, bleeding from a cut to the head. “I’ll kill you!” Then things escalated. Crakehall and three more friends charged Robert, who went down in a pile of flailing limbs. Thoros wriggled out of Beric’s grasp and hopped over the bar to assist. The brawl knocked over another table, spilling drinks everywhere, and the enraged patrons jumped in. It was really devolving into a free for all, when Beric spotted Crakehall slowly extricating himself from the scrum. Well that wouldn’t do. Beric waited until Crakehall had managed to get to his feet and brush himself off. “Excuse me,” Beric said politely. “I believe you forgot something.” Crakehall opened his mouth to say something, only to squawk as his nose crunched under Beric’s fist.