#the end made me really depressed and caught me off guard tho i wish i just knew

[cybervamp1re]

just watched this movie thinking it was a weird romance film…always read the tags and more than 1 review guys don’t make the same mistake i did

[alwida10]

The tragedy of Loki of Asgard

Or why I think the Infinity War Loki should stay dead.

TW: suicide, depression, narcissistic behavior

To understand this essay you need some basic understanding of the family dynamic in Odins family. The dynamic is one of a narcistic parent who has a golden child he projects his own awesomeness onto and a scapegoat child . The parent ensures himself the support of the golden child and makes himself the very center of attention, which is what a narcisst tribes for. The golden child longs to remain golden child and refrains from criticism of the parent. The scapegoat child strives to finally get out of the scapegoat position by pleasing the parent. To bad the child can’t do so because it gets not the blame because it did something wrong but because there must always be someone to blame. Therefore possible explanations and things the parent presented as desirable aren’t really that. Now, a golden child sooner or later gets used to blame everything on the scapegoat. It might even learn to control the scapegoat by blaming him the same way the parent did (aka the scapegoat longs for positive attention/affirmation and therefore does everything the golden child wants him to).

Now, in Thor Ragnarok Odin says ‘I love you my sons’ before he dies, placing the two of them more or less on equal positions for the first time ever. (I know there can be good arguments made, but just let’s assume it’s possition zero they start at.)

Pretty soon both end up on Sakarr, Thor in prison, Loki in the Grandmasters favors. Loki visits Thor in prison, suggesting teaming up, even though it endangers his position (the Grandmaster could hear about it, Thor would probably claim the higher position etc.) At that moment Thor doesn’t have anything to offer. Yet, he stonewalls, blaming Loki for all bad that happened. (For a much more detailed spot -on analysis please read this post where @i-dreamed-i-had-a-son even correctly predicted Loki’s death).

The whole dynamic in the prison is Thor falling back into the old family dynamic. Only that Odin is dead now, and the position of the prime narcisst is open. Now, narcissm is often correlated with abusive behavior, as written in ‘why does he do that? - inside they mind of angry and controlling men’ by Lundy Bancroft. In another post I found many of the things she describes can be observed in Thor’s actions in Thor Ragnarok.

But let’s get finally come to the elevator scene which is the heart piece of my explanation. Remember – Loki is at this point starved for any affirmation or positive reaction by his family. After Thor rejected Loki’s plan, he accepted Loki joining his plan. Thor lures Loki by claiming they should talk right before they enter the elevator. For a starving person this is huge temptation. But Loki did live with his family for eons and is certainly aware of it being a trap.

Right from his first appearance in Thor 1 (before the coronation) we learn that Loki never lowers his guard when it comes to admitting feelings. In that scene he said he loved Thor but directly glossed it over with a joke. After all what happened in Thor 1, Avengers and TDW Loki would never let himself appear weak by outright asking if Thor does still hold any positive feelings mg a for him. So he uses reverse psychology (claiming something against your own wishes, hoping the other disagrees and thereby affirms you.)

LOKI: Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.

The problem with reverse psychology is when the other person agrees with it, it hits you right where it hurts the most.

THOR: That's exactly what I was thinking.

LOKI: ...Did you just agree with me?

THOR: This place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother,you're going to do GREAT here.

Thor follows up by insulting Loki and pushing him away hard. Why? Because he knows Loki has nobody else to turn to. Even after TDW Loki returned to Asgard. For one part because he’s still loyal but certainly also for the lack of alternatives. And Asgard will always include Thor. Thor knows Loki won’t be able to leave him.

LOKI: Do you truly think so little of me?

Loki is hurt, obviously and it’s very much visible on his face. To make sure no blame can be laid open him, Thor uses gaslighting.

THOR: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me… I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.

Loki is wounded by Thor's willingness to discard him. But he masks his feelings.

LOKI: It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.

Thor pats Loki on the shoulder, placing the obidience disk. And this action proves that the manipulation on Thor’s part was intentional. Why else would he have done it? (Everyone claiming ‘Loki betrayed Thor endless times, please read this meta). Thor knew that by pushing Loki away hard enough he would trigger a desperate act of reactive aggression. He did so to push Loki back into his place (which is beneath him, as far Thor is concerned). As soon that has happened Thor gives his little self righteous speech.

THOR: Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change.But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.

Briefly summarized:

you suck, and I don’t think you’ll ever be worth my affection. If you want to try tho, here is your option.

Of course, to prove Thor wrong Loki is forced to resume his subservant position he had at the beginning of Thor 1. He can only ‘prove his worth’ by doing Thor’s bidding and supporting his plans. And that he does. He convinces kork and his crew to join him and brings them to Asgard where he receives his reward by Thor acknowledging him in a not-aggressive way. He even fulfills Thor’s plan, knowing that henceforth he will be blamed whenever someone remembers Asgard’s destruction. In Thor’s ‘coronation scene’ Loki stands at the side, behind the Valkyrie (yet, still at the right side. That surprised me, tbh. The ‘right hand of the King’ is a prestigious title and I didn’t believe TW would have allowed Loki that. But he’s still only second on Thor’s right.)

Anyway, Loki is back in the position he had in Thor 1 with a lot of added baggage and no Frigga to rant to when everything gets to bad. And then Thanos appears. Under Thanos Loki would suffer even more than under Thor (remember the Other’s ‘no barren moon..’ speach.) So basically he’s caught between two horrible fates.

Loki’s death scene itself has been criticized a lot and everyone knows the butterknive-discourse. It can only interpreted in two ways: either him being stupid or him being suicidal. Based on all written above and the fact that he already tried to commit suicide at the end of Thor 1, I can only believe the second to be true.

It has another point: Tom said Loki’s arc was finished. I was confused and unhappy about this statement, but now I am coming to piece with it. Tom loves Shakespeare, including Hamlet and Coriolanus. Those are tragedies. Tragedies are characterized by the protagonist being ruined because of a dramatic conflict that leaves him only two choices, one being death and one being worse. So perhaps this is his very own version of the tragedy of Loki of Asgard.

[badlydrawnmanic]

time for episode 5 because i’m bored as heck

• just thoughts during the theme song but i wish we got to see more of aleena • the extras in this opening scene look passable for mobians which is a surprise • sleet explains something to dingo while looking directly into the camera

• WHAT IS THIS CATERPILLAR DOG THING UGH • it’s a legal requirement for thief children to have wack hair • kjsdgsd max snapped • i think i remember some people shipping manic with this kid • what animal are any of these characters supposed to be • that bungee jump thing makes no sense at all which is terrible • who gave sonic a drivers liscence • sonic your whole thing is to help people and then some poor kid comes in your van like “help me” and you’re like “why should i” what is the truth • shit dude that van turns on a dime • nobody in this show knows how to drive do they • this little goblin dude juggling is kinda cute, his design ain’t bad. weird colors but that’s a given • what sleet turns dingo into reminds me of the koopalings right down to the voice • is manic older than max or does he just say “little bro” because max looks even shorter than manic does • manic: stealing’s wrong   max:

• max brings up a good point about like... how are they gonna survive without money from the shit they stole • i think i redesigned max at one point? i think i made him a xoloitzcuintli (those weird mexican hairless dogs)

• OH I DID, this was back when i mainly did lineless art (it was easier doing art like this rather than lined art with a mouse, i haven’t tried this style with my drawing tablet yet), i really like what i did here skjdgs small boy • there’s two background characters with names, there’s a girl named allegra with a huge nose and some pig looking gremlin critter named clifton, i think that’s interesting • is it like a cultural thing for all the thieves to have earrings or did the character designers just go “yeah only punks have piercings” • sonia’s being really mean about their music for no reason when it doesn’t sound awful, just let these kids play their accordions and violins in peace dude • manic is a gross boy and spits all over this girl to show off one of his little tricks, disgusting • the headcanons about dingo involved something about this episode i think, i’d have to go digging through dms to remember tho • there’s this bird character between allegra and clifton who looks depressed as shit • sleet looks ugly enough to be a passable spore creature and i might just try that if i have to look at his nasty face any longer • i understand what manic means when he’s like “haha this whole thing reminds me of when i was little and stole shit all the time” because i was a little kleptomaniac when i was a kid and like... getting away with it is fun as shit. of course i feel bad now but like... hey i get it • for once the siblings yelling out of surprise has some energy to it, though i wish it was less like “oh aah” and more like... y’know, actual startled sounds, it’s not super convincing • sleet is standing there with his gaping maw wide open pointing in one direction with no animation like a statue and it’s weird • swatbots are on the same level of aiming as storm troopers • what even are these lasers? are they lethal?? do they hurt??? i don’t think anyone’s gotten hit from what i remember so like what’s the danger • sonic just fucking... vaccums up all these children with wind from running, he’s gonna hurt someone, he’s so damn reckless • WHERE’D THEY GO • the little animation where manic takes out his drums doesn’t look half bad! it’s a pleasant surprise when bits of animation are higher quality than normal

• after saying that i realized his gloves disappeared in the shot i was just praising sndkgjds • how was the production of this show? did they color digitally or was this still in the time of hand-drawn animation cells? i wonder how rushed production was • is “amigas” proper spanish?   [googling]   yes it is nevermind   spanish class as a required class was pointless apparently because i don’t remember jack shit from it • dingo you aren’t allowed to steal the “main man” title from manic (my nickname in our discord server was “my main man, manic” for the longest time sjkdgbs)

• it’s kinda neat seeing where all these pics my boyfriend gave me when i was looking for refs came from • i’ve thought that a song was gonna play tiwce now so now i’m wondering when it’ll come in and if it’ll be plot relevant • bummer majores • i get the point of “aw man i can’t believe you have to give all this money to robotnik because he’s evil and demands taxes” but hey either tax the rich or eat them dude • this old man’s outfit is horrendous • sonic and sonia just hid behind behind a thing hanging on the wall and that just wouldn’t work • manic and max both like drums... ;v; • why are manic and dingo just throwing glass bottles and shit back and forth at each other, is this a game • DINGO YOU HURT THE BOY • god what are these masks • SONG TIME • again, manic’s just talking in the middle of the song, and i get it’s for plot but the visuals are, again, sickeningly distracting, i can’t tell what’s happening • how does nobody notice the drummers changing place in the middle of the performance? how is there not a gap in the drum/cymbal beats? • these poor children, wow dingo • it’s really sweet that this old man helped the thief kids find parents and homes to go back to, that’s very nice • manic has one (1) coin and everyone takes that as evidence that he robbed the old man of all his money when that also doesn’t make sense, yes he took it from the vault thing but he didn’t take the whole thing? • why does manic just let the robot handcuff him, i know he feels guilty but like he isn’t an idiot, he knows what’ll happen if he does that so why does he??? • why do sonic and sonia immediately believe what sleet says about manic, shouldn’t they be on guard whenever this fuck’s around and have some suspension of belief here • this man went from 0 to 100 real quick huh • SONG TIME??? • i forgot that the song already happened because of my confusion during the sequence and now i feel like an idiot • anyway the song was like a 5.5/10, it has the energy i think they were going for and it doesn’t sound awful, it’s a little better than alright, though i wish the scene was more coherent and easy to follow • sonia’s classist as hell damn • sonic’s faith in manic being honest is nice to see • the thief children didn’t get their homes after this?? i’m upset • two bros laughing manically in the sewer in front of a very small crowd of children, as you do • manic talking to himself in jail kinda reminds me of movie!sonic but like... slower and less interesting, also why do they just throw him in jail? doesn’t robotnik roboticize everyone? • that one kid dares to look in max’s direction and he’s like ShShHhH like your hushing is gonna get you caught dude not that kid • MAX IS THROWING METAL THINGS IN THE BACKGROUND WHY??? YOU WERE SHUSHING THAT KID FOR SAYING NOTHING • max should be like... directly in sleet’s line of sight rn • of course they gotta very clearly explain the plot directly to the audience • everyone’s so shitty to these poor kids, damn • you’d think that huge laser blast would have injured manic in the process of blowing a hole in the wall • why’s sonia so concerned about the police chasing them? aren’t the police chasing them all the time? • manic nyooms again when he gets out of the van • these robots aren’t observant at all are they • for once, reusing animation makes sense • yay the poor kids get homes now • as nice as this ending is, it isn’t easy to kick bad habits like thievery, especially when it’s like... part of your nature at that point? it’s odd

• god the perspective • also, this is exactly why i give everyone on this blog extended muzzles and more clear divides between their eyes when they’re looking to the side, otherwise they look cursed • IT’S TIME TO JUICE AND JAM

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

Against Expectations

fuck i hope u guys are happy you made me finish it even tho it’s crappy so here take it @not-close-to-straight @reioka @thealextheshipper 

I made a new post because it is longgggg but here take it. Trigger Warning for self-depreciating and depressive thoughts and negative body image

It was expected that Tony didn’t have any pools or hot tubs, after Afghanistan. It was also expected that he wouldn’t want to expose himself all that much with the arc reactor. And before... before it hadn’t mattered. The girls he slept with didn’t care at all, and he never left the lights on and they were always too drunk to remember, so it never mattered much.

It was completely humiliating, absolutely disgusting. His body was ugly. He hated to look at it. He only thanked God that they were all easy to hide.

And no one questioned the fact that he never talked about it with them, because he acted as if he had no heart in the first place, and he was good at that. He always had been. It was self preservation.

It was honestly ridiculous. It defied all logic and everything he knew, and he hated that, and he hated that he couldn’t fix it, and he hated that he hated his body.

Because it hadn’t been hard to hide before the Avengers. A bit of makeup here and there, and that was that. But now... now he was terrified. Completely mortified someone would discover that Tony Stark had a heart, and it was far, far too big to be contained behind the arc reactor.

Ana and Edwin’s names had appeared first. He was four, five maybe. Those were both written just under the waistband of his jeans, easy to hide. He had been completely ecstatic that the two people who he cared about most, who cared about him most, who took care of him through sickness and sadness when his parents were away, were his soulmates. They were, understandably, surprised that their names had been scrawled across the hips of their young master. He could see their shock the first time he told them, and was afraid he had done something wrong, but they recovered quickly, and never treated him any differently. They were affectionate, and he never questioned why they asked him to keep it a secret, because they knew what was best for him. It was only later when he learned how incredibly unusual it was, not only because of the age, not only because there were two of them, but because his was not on their skin. He only found out after their deaths. When lovers asked, he told them they were real tattoos he had gotten to honor some people he’d lost. They didn’t question it.

JARVIS was next. At first he was confused, mortified and completely humiliated that an A.I. could be his soulmate. That wasn’t possible, was it? Perhaps his soul was different. He had been broken upon creation, the marks on his skin didn’t mean anything. That was printed along his right shoulder, easy to hide with some good makeup, and it became part of his morning routine to cover the mark. JARVIS knew, obviously, because JARVIS could see it whenever it wasn’t covered. But the A.I. never mentioned it. Maybe his computer was just as stumped as he was.

Rhodey was soon after that, a practiced signature on the inside of his right wrist. Mortification morphed into humiliation and he was so, so very confused. Because really, he didn’t think about Rhodey like that. Yes, he loved Rhodey, but not in a way that he was told soulmates were supposed to, and he knew for a fact Rhodey didn’t feel that way about him. He began designing his own makeup to cover the marks, almost irremovable, waterproof and smudge proof.

Yinsen was a surprise, and took him off guard, when he found the small scrawl near the edge of his arc reactor. Luckily, it looked enough like discolored skin that no one, Yinsen or anyone else, gave it the second look to see what it really was, but perhaps that plagued him as much as anything else when he got back. And the fact that he had lost him. He covered that name out of self preservation, and wished there was a way to cut it out of him.

Perhaps it said something that Obie’s name never appeared on his skin. Perhaps his soul knew what his brain didn’t. But he couldn’t help but think that the names were mocking him -- he had never met anyone with his name as well. They meant nothing. They were only a cause of pain. He started to hate his own skin.

Pepper’s was the only one he felt no desire to cover up. He wore it loud and proud, front and center over his heart, her loopy scrawl perfect with a small heart over his own. He loved it, and the way Pepper lit up whenever she saw it. But the longer their relationship went on, the more the mark seemed to pain her, and he started to hate that one as well. He never let her see his others. He couldn’t hurt her like that. He would suffer alone.

He never asked her where his name was, if she even had it.

Happy’s was small and unobtrusive, on his chest just under his right arm. Professional, looping, ridiculous. This was getting ridiculous!

Coulson was never meant to appear, but he did. The name never faded after the agent’s death, and that’s when Tony knew he was completely broken. He didn’t like going to doctors, seeing their faces when they noticed his many names. Often tears dripped down onto the signature on his left thigh, when he knew he was broken and the world was against him. That didn’t matter, because the makeup was waterproof, but he knew it was there, as strong as ever even after the shattering death. None of it made sense, but he supposed it wasn’t supposed to. It was only the universe toying with him.

He felt Steve’s name appear on him the first time they met eyes, a sharp burning along his right collar, and Jesus Christ he had never been more glad for the cut of his shirts, because otherwise that would be incredibly difficult to hide. Steve’s was neat, unobtrusive, uniform and perfect. Just like the man. And he hated it. And he hated himself. He started waking up earlier and covering up more carefully.

Bruce’s shaved itself into his skin when Hulk woke him up after the Battle of Manhattan, an untidy scrawl along the left side of his stomach, and that was when he vowed he would never take his shirt off in front of them. He would wear an undershirt with a hole cut out so they could access the arc reactor if necessary, although he didn’t particularly want them seeing the arc reactor either, but he was completely convinced no amount of makeup could cover his self hatred and shame.

Shawarma afterwards, with the others dozing around him as he carefully shifted his ribs to see if he could take the suit off; that was when the rest appeared, a physical pain that almost tore at his heart in complete disgrace. He managed not to let it show. He found them in the mirror later, in the dead of night when only JARVIS could see; Thor’s blocky letters on the back of his left shoulder, Natasha’s professional cursive on the inside of his right thigh, and Clint, damn him, had taken up residence with a tramp stamp, because of course he had.

He couldn’t let them see. No way he would let them see.

Being the master of masks and excuses, he always managed to wheedle his way out of group activities which involved any sort of skin exposure, and perhaps the others caught on to it, because Pepper started making more comments about how nice his body was and he had the sneaking suspicion they had been talking to her behind his back. Luckily Pepper was normally too busy for sex, or too much enjoying herself to look closely. He was starting to slip, and he knew it. There was too much responsibility, too much shame, too many flashbacks and too much heartache, and too many names, and he couldn’t cover them all, hell he couldn’t even reach Thor’s and Clint’s.

And then Bucky. Sweet, broken Bucky. Stumbling into the tower one day beat up and bloody, ready to spill secrets and sins and begging for respite. Tony was nearly as hysterical as Barnes at that point, if he was being honest, and meeting his eyes...

It seared across the back of his neck, possessive, right under his hairline. It was covered, thank God. The only way he could see it was for JARVIS to take a picture for him. Bucky’s handwriting was neat, surprisingly so, with a bit of a shake at the end of the ‘y’ and ‘s’ in his name.

And then Pepper, leaving.

And then. And then. And then.

And he was tired. He was so tired. He had lived a long time, too long, he should be dead, why wasn’t he dead, why couldn’t he stop living on borrowed time. And it didn’t matter anymore, it didn’t.

He was careless.

He got drunk.

He washed clean.

And the next morning, there was an attack. He went to battle like that, in his boxers inside the suit. And that... that was a mistake. That was the biggest mistake of his life.

Of course it was some magic user, of course they had teamed up with MODOK. It hurt, Jesus Christ the others didn’t understand, it hurt to be torn out of the armor like that, to have the reactor strain in his chest to remain where it was supposed to be. To fall in a heap on the pavement, exposed to the world. To look up and realize that there was no way you could hide anymore.

Somewhere, distantly, Bucky screamed in rage. Natasha was cursing in various languages. Hulk was making the buildings shake with his anger.

Tony’s shoulders trembled. They had seen. There was no mistaking that they had seen. God, he doesn’t have to look, those reactions are clear enough. They hate him. He’s such a fucking freak.

JARVIS showed up to defend him, his spare suits flying in rage and glory. Beautiful. At least the things Tony made were beautiful. At least the things Tony made had to love him.

He sat there, cold, crying, until hands started to touch his shoulders, guide him to his feet. The team. They were staring at him. Of course they were. He was a freak.

But then Bucky reverently touched the back of his neck, hands shaking, where he knew the man’s name to reside. And their expressions all morphed into something Tony wasn’t adept enough in emotions to read, gently trailing their fingers over their names. Bruce was wrapped in a blanket and started to cry.

“Oh, Tony. Oh, Tony!”

Tony shivered. He knew it was disgusting. They didn’t have to cry about it.

“Coulson,” Clint breathed, tracing gently over the name, making Tony shudder with his touch.

“He’s dead,” Tony responded, his voice cracking, and the tears were back, God, how embarrassing could he be? “He’s dead. I’m a freak. I know. Please. Please don’t leave. I don’t have anything left.”

Steve frowned, glancing up at the others, before carefully rolling up his right sleeve, licking his thumb and rubbing at the skin there on his wrist. And Tony watched, not sure what he was feeling, as his name appeared like magic. Small, neat, like he had been taught by his father. Unobtrusive. Permanent. Binding.

And he watched in wonder, as the others held out their right arms, rolling up their sleeves and rubbing at the makeup there, and his name... His name... There were so many names. One on each of them. Oh God, how had he not known?

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Bucky breathed, his voice as reverent as his touch. “God, Tony, you... You’ve been hiding this all this time?” Tony nodded, his throat thick, his eyes hot.

“It’s disgusting.” It came out more like a cracking question. Natasha, who hadn’t taken her fingers off her name, rubbing over it endearingly, shook her head.

“Beautiful,” she breathed.

Tony cried.