#the end but we can't dwell on that at all or feel anything but happy bc it's the last note of the game. so they have to make Ema not guilty

[james-stark-the-writer]

just finished Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, and it is a game written by cowards for cowards.

the final twist genuinely ruins the game. it's so stupid as a narrative decision. i hate it so much. it almost makes me understand what the people yelling about The Last Jedi being too subservient to its themes were yelling about (OBVIOUSLY not the ones that were being bigoted and loud and wrong about it, but just the ones who had actual issues with its narrative directions/execution). genuinely, the twist takes what could have been an extremely solid 8.5, maybe a 9/10 game down to a 4/10 game with nothing of interest to say deluding itself into thinking it's saying anything of worth by thoughtlessly repeating patterns as if that's supposed to generate meaning without any real effort of actually committing to that meaning, or seeing the world as anything beyond its basic binary worldview of Good and Bad.

putting that twist in fundamentally cuts the legs out from any actual, interesting and substantive critique it could have leveled at the legal system and our feelings about people on trial and their perceived guilt or innocence, and it just ends up reinforcing it as a power of good that Will Ultimately Prevail In The Search For Truth, as if that is even remotely a thing any legal system is concerned with, especially the one in the game that mostly just stumbles into The Right Choices because it's a game controlled by the player. it's frankly ideologically incoherent to the point of saying nothing because its critique is unfocused and toothless. best it can muster is "maybe some people are corrupt and lying, but if You take Advantage of The System, you can beat them" as if malicious compliance is supposed to change the system. fuck off.

ran out of tags but. i'm serious about this lol, i really hate it as a narrative and ideological choice. the game threatens to say something bold and interesting and then just pulls the rug out from underneath you. it sucks. it's very much like 12 Angry Men in that way, i think, except at least that movie Knows what it's saying and that its basic premise is its ideological downfall, this just doesn't really feel like it says anything much interesting or coherent, ultimately, because the criticism either drowns in the length and comedic nature of it, or just ultimately isn't focused and pointed and nuanced enough to actually say something meaningful. like ik someone's gonna do a "kid's game" thing but hello, kid's shit has always been nuanced and just bc it's "for kids" doesn't mean it has to abide by some binary ass morality that flattens all its interesting critique, especially when you're constantly led, structurally, to the more interesting and nuanced narrative choice only to have a twist completely ruin it and making it all feel like a waste of your time. plenty of things are nuanced and interesting and "for kids" without deflating their themes and messages by writing a stupid twist that undercuts the interesting parts of its arguments.

[thegnomelord]

I love your monster au so much. It makes the monsterlover/fucker in me real happy. Sorry just wanted to share my appreciation.

I've been thinking too, how would you feel about writing a underwater sea creature reader? (No pressure but I hope this idea tickles your fancy so I'll infodump my ideas on you) They can live on land and stuff but drag their prospective mate into a deep underwater ravine when they want to mate. Idk how to describe it, like I have an idea in my head of what the creature's traits would be but I can't find a way to put it into words.

I'm going to give it a try though, (excuse the fact it won't make much sense, my thoughts jump around a lot. But I'll try and make it coherent.) Basically, my mind went to underwater dragons. So with most of the traits that you wrote for dragons, like the purring and the tails intertwining (and the sharing of scales). But I was thinking without wings, because you don't need them underwater. But we glow in the dark, because we are deepsea creatures we have adapted to become bioluminescent. Oh and also we have gills and stuff still when we are on land.

Idk if this is confusing or just something you don't want to write but I was hoping for you to include a more sfw part with the mating dance maybe and then then an actual nsfw part (dom top male reader??)

But at the end of the day this is just a suggestion and it's up to you if you want to write it or not. (If you do write it can it be with ghost or gaz?? gaz giving us shiny things but sea related, like shells? and/or ghost struggling through knowing how to court us. Both of them being confused of what to do because we are a new type of dragon that not many people knew existed and our courting traditions are mostly unknown??

Okay this is cool and it tickles my brain of having just this big fucking monster that's gigantic due to deep sea gigantism :D, I also picked Gaz cause I like the sea/sky duality.

CW:NSFW, subbot gaz, domtop Mreader, quick and rough

When you first joined the taskforce, Gaz didn't know what to expect. Your species had been newly discovered, barely any information about you, but something about you put some ancient part of his mind on edge, ants nipping on the sinew of his wings until his body begged to return to the safety of the sky.

First time he met you, you reminded him less of a dragon and more of a Leviathan — something that dwelled where the light didn't reach, far too big than anything should be allowed to be, bright bioluminescent markings shimmering against dark scales to lure prey into crushing jaws filled with sharp crooked teeth, horns like spears to pin down what couldn't fit in your maw, powerful legs built to swim and breach the surface of the water to catch unaware flyers like Gaz just to pull them down into the abyss to be devoured.

He would have been more. . . unsettled by you had you not been so nice.

You towered over him even in your mostly human form, but you were a gentle giant, happy to let him use you as a perch and humming along as he talks, joining in on his and Johnny's pranks and hiding them when Price eventually catches them.

And Gaz doesn't even notice when your presence no longer makes his feathers puff up, the shadow you cast over him now warm and welcoming after all the times you'd been a meat shield for him. He tils his head back to catch sight of your eyes as he leans back, soft feathers rubbing against your clothes, "Hey there big man." Gaz smiled.

You hum, your hand coming to loosely hold his hip, holding the pretty thing close to you. "Hi." You purr, the small biolights along your body flickering in seemingly random patterns, but nothing about them was random to you or your kin, your interest in him painfully obvious.

But to your dismay Gaz doesn't understand, just snorts at your colorful display. "What's got you in a good mood today?" He asks, eyes tracing the dancing lights, that instinctual bird part of his mind liking the sight, and the low rumble of your voice, and just. . . being near you.

You blink, "You," You say simply, your people aren't ones to mince words.

Gaz can feel his body heat up at your declaration, feathers puffing up, but strikes down any thoughts about you before they turn inappropriate and cause him to coo at you. "Fine, keep yer secrets." He huffs and gets out of your hold, wings stretching out to purposely show off his feathers as he walks away, tail feathers flickering.

He can feel your eyes follow after him, hummingbirds pecking at his spine and he doesn't know if he should feel that way. And all you can think of is how you could drag your pretty bird down into the abyss without clipping his wings.

. . .

Gaz watches you lazily swim around the lake near their current base in your real form, "Havin' a nice soak in there Nessie?" He asks as he walks the short pier and sits down, dipping his feet in the water as his wings spread out lazily behind him.

A low rumble leaves you like a distorted whale song, your large form pushing through the water like a submarine cutting through the ice. "Nessie?" You ask as swim over to him, "Who's that?"

"Never mind about that," Kyle grins, his eyes roaming along your large form as the biolights flicker once again in that specific pattern that means nothing to him but everything to you. "You look happy."

You shrug, "It's nice to be back in the water." Without a word you heave yourself out of the water and onto the pier, large hands clutching the wood on either side of him, a deep purr rumbling in your chest at how close he is to you now. "Did you need something?" You ask, biolights flickering seductively.

Kyle swallows drily, eyes going wide as he registers you loom over him, can smell the sea and salt still clinging to your scales, something other than fear buzzing down his spine from how close your dangerous teeth are to him. "Oh, right, uh," He clears his throat to clear the molasses clinging to it, wings spreading out in a way that got his feathers shining in the setting sun as he reached into his pocket.

"I, um. . . I got you this." He said, holding out the seashell he'd found for you. His breath caught in his throat as you looked at it, hoping you liked it; he'd spent hours polishing it until it was shining, the colors vibrant and every single scratch buffed out.

"Thank you," You rumbled and took the seashell into your hand. Your pupils dilated, a very pleased purr rumbling in your chest — oh, he was so thoughtful, such a good mate to bring a rare treat for you.

Kyle felt like a bloody peacock at the way his wings spread out, but he couldn't care less about his posturing when you accepted his gift, his heart fluttering like butterflies in a jar.

Then you ate it.

You ate his gift.

His heart shatters like the seashell between your fangs, wings dropping like a rock, never having expected to be rejected like that. "I- what- why did- if you-" He couldn't even form words to say what he wanted, pressing a hand to his face in an attempt to hide the way his eyes prickled with vestiges of tears.

Unfortunately for him, you notice. "Oh, little bird, what's wrong?" Your voice is soothing, biolights pulsing in a slow and calming way as you gently pry his hand from his face, looking into his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

Kyle doesn't look you in the eyes, doesn't know what the hell to feel right now, the words spewing out of his mouth before he could control them. "Why would you do that!" He hisses.

You tilt your head. "You gifted it to me." You say like it's supposed to explain everything, reaching up to cup his cheek, your clawed hand cold and wet against his skin. "It was very good." You lean in closer, a deep purr rumbling in your throat, your long tail moving to curl around his leg.

Kyle sucks in a sharp breath as you push you loom over him your hands on either sides of him keeping him in place, feeling himself slowly lay back as you creep over him onto the pier, heart drumming in his chest. "Wh-what?"

You snort, eyes glowing like anglerfish lures, lowering your head down to lick a stripe up his neck, claws raking down his front. "Let me show you my appreciation, yes?"

Kyle shivers at the sensation of your teeth against his throat, body heating up, your scent — of sea and salt and something very very old — invading his nose, an involuntary chirp escaping his chest. "Ah, yeah, sure just-" Kyle yelps as your claws cut through his clothes, wings quivering as they're pressed against the wooden pier behind him.

"Relax little bird," You coo softly, licking around his lips in what counts as a kiss for you when your maw is filled with vicious teeth, tongue trailing down to lick up the drops of his salty sweat. "I'll be gentle."

And gentle you are; softly licking up the blood after your fangs had left marks on his skin, sharp claws holding his trembling hips tenderly as your rough tongue worms inside him, soft purrs and deep rumbles vibrating your tongue against his prostate until he's sobbing, his hands clutching your horns to hold your head closer as his cock leaks a puddle of pre onto his abdomen.

He whines when you continue stretching him with your tongue, "Please, mate, just-" Kyle sucks in a sharp breath as your tongue once again grazes his prostate, thighs clenching around your head. "-just please fuck me already! I can't- I'm not going to-"

Kyle sobs with joy and anguish when you pull your tongue out, the slimy appendage slithering back into your maw and leaving him painfully empty. "Alright, alright," You coo, moving up to drape your body over his, nuzzling your cheek against his as you line your hard cock with his stretched hole. "Relax,"

The tip of your cock breaching his puckered hole has Kyle sucking in a sharp breath, "Easier said than done mate," He chuckles, closing his eyes and just trying to focus on your scent and just you, groaning. Fuck, you're big in all aspects, his body clenching down like a vice before relaxing enough for you to slowly push further, spreading his walls wide until you're fully inside him, your hips resting against his.

"There you go," You purr, letting Kyle adjust as you nibble on his neck, biolights flickering happily when he rocks his hips into yours. "Taking me so well,"

Gaz can feel his body heat up at your words, throwing his head back when you rock your hips, cock hard and heavy inside him, dragging against his walls with every minute movement that has him panting and whining, his legs crossing behind your back to pull your hips closer every time you pull out.

The world escapes your notice, all your attention fully on him as you focus on mating him, pulling needy desperate sounds from Kyle's lips, your large hand gently stroking his leaking dick as your cock rubs against his prostate, your unhurried pace making him cum again and again and again until he's a moaning boneless mess by the time you cum inside him.

[shokosbunny]

CRAVE - chapter one

nav 𝜗𝜚 ⊹ ‧₊˚

masterlist 𝜗𝜚 ⊹ ‧₊˚

chapter warnings: use of profanity, micro cheating

this has got to be the worst birthday party of your life.

and really, it has nothing to do with the party itself. your friends somehow got the dj at this club to play a couple of your favourite songs, you have your favourite drink in your hands, and a couple of mutual friends managed to make it in time to celebrate you.

but just this morning, your normally sweet boyfriend decided to have one of the worst attitudes known to man. coincidence? you don't think so. it's probably because he didn't wanna get you anything and decided to pick a fight as a way to justify it.

but the worse the transgression, the better the apology. you're just waiting until the end of the night to see whether his words will do him justice, or if you'll need to ice him out until his actions match up.

you take a sip of your sweet drink and set it down on the high table in front of you, staring into the blurry crowd. you don't know whether you’ve had three drinks or five. you don't really care, either. you just want enough to forget your stupid fucking idiot of a boyfriend, who couldn't let you have one good day. it's like he's allergic to peace or something. the sick freak probably gets off on arguing with you.

you take another sip to find that your glass is empty, and then you look up and are met with the most haunting pair of cobalt eyes you've ever seen.

you recognise him. one of maki’s friends. tall, lean. gorgeous.

no, you berate yourself internally. not gorgeous. you have a boyfriend.

then why are you staring so long? and why don't you look away when he starts coming closer? why don't you avert your gaze when he sits right across from you?

“hi,” he says, his timid voice barely reaching you over the noise of the speakers.

“hi. one of maki’s friends?” you ask, to which he nods.

“yeah i’m yuta. happy birthday, by the way.”

“thank you,” you respond. “i’m y/n."

the two of you fall into silence that's easily filled by the multitude of sounds in this club, before he speaks again (after some noticeable hesitation).

“you're really pretty. i like what you did with your hair.”

“thank you,” you respond, beaming now. you put a lot of effort into your appearance on a day to day basis, and you appreciate when it's acknowledged. “it took a while to figure it out, but i think it was worth it.”

“it was,” he breathes out. he almost looks in awe of you, like you're an angel on earth. upon rumination, you discover that you don't even remember the last time your boyfriend looked at you like that.

his voice snaps you out of your almost-spiral. “wanna dance? i’m bad at it, but we can't have the birthday girl in a corner all night.”

you dwell on your decision for a few moments before nodding, taking his outstretched hand. “okay.”

he pulls you to the middle of the dance floor where all your friends - yours and his - happen to be. you’re so close that you don't know where he ends and you begin, and every time you make contact it feels like your nerves are touching live wires.

the music is practically in your blood, and you can't differentiate your heartbeat from the bass flowing through the floor and into your bones. it's intoxicating, and his presence only seems to make it feel even more intense.

you trip on your feet, and he catches you with a contagious chuckle, his hands on your shoulders and your palms on his chest. you don't know who leans in first, but just before anything can get out of hand, you stop yourself and him.

“wait,” you murmur, exhaling deeply. “i have a boyfriend. i’m sorry.”

yuta simply raises his eyebrows, his eyes darting around the crowded nightclub before meeting yours once more. “where is he?"

that…is a very good question, actually.

“uh…” you fumble, sounding as stupid as you feel. or is it feeling as stupid as you sound?

“don't worry, pretty. i’ll respect that,” yuta interrupts, saving you from looking even more stupid. he continues. “all i’m gonna say is that i wouldn't let my girl be without me on her special day. get home safe, y/n.”

and with that, he's handing you over to maki and nobara and slipping through the sea of people before you can even process what's just happened.

fuck, you think. i need him.

when the three of you get back home, your feet are aching, your heads are spinning, and your nerves are still thrumming along to the bass in the club. you stumble into your bedroom and throw your purse in one corner and your shoes in another, deciding to forgo your skincare in favour of a few extra minutes of rest.

the universe has other plans, however, and just as your head hits the pillow, you get notified about a text from the last person you want to think about right now.

you roll your eyes and toss your phone to the opposite end of the bed. you’ll deal with naoya in the morning.

next 𝜗𝜚 ⊹ ‧₊˚

tags: @toniseweje @tsukuhoe @itsafairytalekay @ayla-1605 @moncher-ire @rikaroses @starrysho @blu3-l0v3r @number0netrash

[back2bluesidex]

25 and Virgin - PJM (18+)

Pairing: Jimin X Fem!Reader

Theme: PWP, SMUT

Wordcount: 1.8k+

Summary: You are 25 and virgin but maybe your crush slash senior Park Jimin can change that tonight.

Warnings: Explicit sex, mentions of dying as a joke, a little bit of dirty talking, reader loses her virginity, sex on a balcony, oral sex (f. receiving), creampie, mentions of pain during sex, semi public sex, unprotected sex (wrap it!!), NSFW!! (let me know if there is more)

Minors are not allowed in this blog!!

A/N: Happy birthday to my home, Park Jimin. Can't believe he is 28? are you kidding me?

"Were you serious earlier?" His voice rings behind you through the balcony door. 

If it's not the cold wind of night then it's definitely the mellow, smooth voice of Park Jimin that causes chills to run down your spine. 

Especially when you know what he is asking about.

"About.. what?" You speak without looking at him so that the red flush of embarrassment is not visible to him. 

Jimin takes a few steps and comes to stand beside you. 

His eyes find your face and if you are not completely wrong then those dip down to your lips. 

"You know what I am talking about but still if you want to hear me saying it then…" he continues smugly, "are you really a virgin?" 

Your tongue gets caught between your teeth as you curse your childish coworkers for dragging you into the childish game of truth and dare. 

You knew something like this would happen. But you couldn't say no, since you joined only two months ago and rejecting to be a part of stupid games of team-dinner-turned-norebang sessions is certainly rude. You couldn't risk your image even before you get the chance of making it. 

However, you expected them to show you the same level of respect and not poke you into your private boundaries. 

Guess what? You were wrong. 

Because the very first question landed on you was "what's your favorite sex position?" 

God! You can’t mold it into words how embarrassed you were to tell them that you haven't had sex yet. It’s only your fingers and you. 

Yes, you know you could have lied easily but what if they tease you endlessly after that? How will you react around them? And honestly, not a single position came in your head at that time for you to answer so you ended up being brutally honest. 

All of these would not matter much. 

All of these wouldn't matter at all if your crush slash senior Park Jimin wasn't sitting right across from you, if you didn't see his beautiful eyes getting wider with your answer, if he wouldn't come to find you here in the balcony.

What must he be thinking? Something like, you aren't hot enough to be bedded? God! You just want this ground to split in half and sink into it.

Jimin nudges your arm with his elbow pulling you out of your brooding session.

"I asked you something?" His voice is soft, there is no sense of mockery in it. So you decide to answer honestly.

"Yes." You sigh, "yes, I am 25 and virgin." 

You close your eyes as soon as the sentence dies. 

Jimin smiles, taking a lingering look on your figure. He still doesn't understand how the fuck no one has fucked you yet? You are so damn beautiful and that body is something anyone would die to explore. Maybe he would too, only if he wasn’t so against fucking inexperienced people. 

"Y/N, it's alright. There's no need to be embarrassed. It's your life, you have the right to live however you want." He places a hand on your shoulder. 

If your heart takes up a faster pace, then you don't want to dwell on it.

"It's not my choice, Jimin. I just- I just never found anyone.. you know." You stare down at the cars rushing by through the busy streets of Seoul. 

“But you have had boyfriends, right?” Jimin asks, you somehow feel him standing closer than before. 

“One boyfriend back in highschool and we never pushed anything past foreplay and then I got busy with uni and internships. So.. stuff never happened. At this point it feels like no one would want a 25 year old virgin. Everyone would want a partner who at least has some experience.” you sigh again. 

“That’s not true. Anyone would want you and I am not saying this to comfort you, but from the perspective of a man.” Jimin squeezes your shoulder. 

You divert your eyes from the road below and look at him. 

Park Jimin is beautiful but he looks extra beautiful tonight standing here with you. 

His soft black hair falls onto his dark eyes, those soft plump lips invites you to bite them, his muscles and manly chest heave with every breath he takes. You lose yourself a little. You get drunk by him so much that you find your mouth running ahead of your mind.

“Anyone would? You too?” You take a tentative step towards him. 

A flash of playfulness flashes through his face, “I would love to, darling. But I don’t fuck virgins.” 

That’s it. That’s the rejection of a lifetime you have been waiting for. You took a step back just as you took it ahead. 

What were you even thinking? Popular Park Jimin would want to sleep with someone as inexperienced as you? How bold! Now your embarrassment has reached its peak. You are not only a virgin now but a rejected virgin. 

Fucking hell! You want to jump off this balcony, break your head and die. 

But before that you should apologize of your unnecessary boldness, “I’m so-” 

“I would love to eat you out though. Bet your untouched pussy tastes amazing.” Jimin cuts you off and cages you between your arms, “do you want me to eat you here in the balcony?”. 

Blood rushes to your cheeks and flood rushes to your cunt as you try to contemplate what Jimin is offering, “what-”

“Yes or no, Y/N?” Jimin cuts you off again. 

“Yes!” you reply without giving it another thought. You may not get this offer ever again. 

“Good girl.” Jimin smirks at you deviliously as he sinks down on his knees before you.

“But what if someone sees us?” your heart thumps in your chest. 

“Shut up and part your legs for me.” Jimin orders but there is no bite in his tone. You oblige readily. 

He hikes up your skirt and places a few kisses on your thighs. You feel yourself leaking more and more as he inches closer to your cunt. 

“Fuck. you smell so good, sweetheart!” Jimin sniffs your arousal through the cotton of your panty. 

If he says he had never thought of fucking you raw, then that will be a lie. The reality is that you caught his eyes the moment you were assigned under him. It’s been only two months so he couldn’t have his way with you yet. But he never imagined you would be a virgin and he would get a chance of tasting you like this. 

He would love to fuck you too but at first you need to have a basic experience, because he is way too wild for someone so inexperienced as you. 

“J-Jimin, please.” you mutter and Jimin swears it’s the sweetest thing he has ever heard.

“Be patient, sweetheart.” he replies before hiking your skirt further with one of his hands and tugging down your panty with another one. 

You knock the piece of cloth out of your ankles. 

Even though it’s dark on the balcony, Jimin can clearly see your glinting pussy under the moonlight. You are nothing short of divine. 

He grabs your left thigh and hooks it on his shoulder, parting your pussy deliciously for his eyes and mouth. 

And without so much as a breath, he dives down. 

The first drag if his tongue is slow and teasing, it knocks all of the available air out of your lungs. You see stars above your head. So, this is how it feels to have your cunt eaten?

Jimin hums at your taste and then grazes your clit with his teeth. Parting your folds with his fingers, he latches his plump lips to your nub and starts sucking wildly. 

“Oh-Oh Jim-Jimin'' You struggle to breathe, mind going numb in an instant. 

And then you feel his fingers probing into your entrance. He invades your walls with not one but two of his fingers at once.

“Fuckkkk” you curse. Your ears take in the lewd sound of your wet pussy being sucked, licked and fingered. 

Jimin is not doing any better. He knew you would taste delicious but he never imagined you would taste this addictive. 

His lips, tongue and fingers can’t get enough of you. Damn! His dick needs you. 

He needs to be inside you to insatiate the beast you just woke up by being this addictive. 

“Jimin-Jimin I may be-” you try to find your voice, your knuckles are going white with the dead grip you have on the balcony railing. 

Your eyes start rolling back but then you feel everything feeling low and empty. 

Jimin detaches his face from your core and looks up at you, “close? But we don’t have time for multiple orgasms. I need you to cum on my cock.” 

He stands up and starts undoing his belt. 

You don’t know whether you should praise his beauty, which has increased by tenfold as he is drenched in your juices or the taut muscle of his torso or the beautiful dick that springs out of his briefs ready to ruin you. 

Jimin grips your thigh again, encircles that around his torso and lines his cock in your entrance. 

“It will hurt a little in the beginning but soon it will feel good, okay?” He says softly, removing a lone strand of hair from your face.

“But I thought you don’t fuck virgins?” you huff. 

“You are fucking addicting, Y/N. I can’t control myself.” He breathes as he pushes the tip inside you. 

He is almost midway through your cunt when you feel a painful stretch, your face contorts as a result but you want him to go on. 

“You okay? Should I continue?” Jimin questions, you nod voicelessly. 

And within a few seconds he is completely in. He gives you the time to adjust before starting to move. 

Once you have managed yourself and the pain, you ask him to move. 

It’s painful, overwhelmingly so. But the way Jimin groans and grunts tells you that you have a weird power over him. 

“So fucking tight. Lord! You will be the death of me.” Jimin groans again as he thrusts slowly. 

Soon you feel the pain fading behind an immense pleasure. 

You moan out loud as Jimin gradually increases his pace. For a moment there are only sounds of heavy breathing, you two moaning each other’s names, cursing and skin slapping. Jimin’s dick feels amazing against the tight walls of your cunt, so much so that you start feeling heat in your stomach. 

“You are squeezing the hell out of me, Y/N!” Jimin growls again. 

“I-I’m close.” You say somehow.

“Cum on my cock baby. Creame it!” and you do. You cum and the orgasm is nothing you have had with the help of your fingers. 

“Fuck fuck fuck!” Jimin shouts in your neck as he cums inside you following your suite. His white hot semen runs down your thigh and drops on the floor. 

You are trying to find your breath and wit, when you heard Jimin say, “Round two at my place?”

Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @soraviie @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @chimmisbae

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

It's the start of the jql drought and I'm not doing well friends. March is gonna be a month of jbl rewatches for me.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇼 Exclusive Love [4/12] - Once again, I'm here for the sides. I can't help it, I love a pining bestie, and I got two here. I'm not really connecting to the mains for some reason. It seems to be a thing with me and Taiwan lately.

🇹🇭 GelBoys [6/7] - This show causes me anxiety. It's sad boys hours every hour, and the second hand embarrassment is constantly hitting new levels. The video call was tough to watch.

🇹🇭 My Golden Blood [1/12] - I'm surprised by the low quality of the visuals and the sound. This first ep was a lot of setup and it truly is like the gay twilight. Let's see if it gets better. Mond is so pretty.

🇹🇭 Ossan's Love Th [11/12] - This show is really testing my love for EM. Amnesia. Really?

🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners [21/24] - I don't remember a time where I wasn't watching this show lol. We are already at episode 21 and I'm surprised at myself at how much I'm enjoying it. I'm loving the FaifaWine arc. And Junior is doing such a great job in this. Making me all emotional, how dare you?

🇹🇭 Reverse With Me [5/8] - I don't really know how I feel about this one any more. It feels like there's some good bones here but I'm finding it all surprisingly flat.

🇰🇷 Secret Relationships [6/8] - I feel like we've been using mess wrong all this time. Cause somehow it feels like that doesn't begin to describe this show. More thoughts here.

QL - Finished

🇯🇵 Call Me by No-Name - That was a pretty show I watched.

🇰🇷 FC Soldout [8/8] - It was entertaining. It was done with pennies and it shows, but the mains were endearing and there were some truly funny moments.

🇰🇷 Heart Stain - I feel like I missed something cause to me this was just incredibly banal. And time skip my beloathed. I just didn't feel anything.

🇨🇳 I'll Turn Back This Time - The world building was a mess. It was mostly whatever served the moment. It made no sense. And even the happy ending didn't really feel good.

🇹🇼 Impression of Youth [9/9] - It ended and I've forgotten about it already. Just couldn't really get excited about any of it.

🇹🇼 A Perfect Match - I can't believe I watched this.

🇹🇭 The Heart Killers - Joong was really great.

🇹🇭 Sangmin Dinneaw - Final thoughts here.

🇹🇭 The Boy Next World [10/10] - Apparently stalking is in the eyes of the beholder. I don't even know what this was suppose to be and I'm gonna stop here cause there was just too many stuff that I hated about it.

🇹🇭 Thame·Po [13/13] - What a journey. I can’t believe it’s over.

🇯🇵 When It Rains, It Pours - This could've been great, but what I'm left with is a show that wanted to tell a complex and layered story but didn't have the time to actually tell the whole story. So it told bits of a good story. There's a lot I could say but I'm don't really wanna dwell on it atm. It was a big disappointment.

QL - Dropped / On Hold Waiting to hear - 🇹🇭 Us | Waiting to binge - 🇹🇼 Eternal Butler

Non QL - Finished

🇰🇷 The Trauma Code | 🇯🇵 Tokimeki Bakudan | 🇰🇷 Study Group | 🇯🇵 Red Blue

Upcoming - March 02/03- 🇹🇭 Last Meal Universe MDL | Trailer 12/03 - 🇹🇭 My Golden Blood MDL | Trailer 12/03 - 🇹🇭 Lost in the Woods MDL | Trailer 20/03- 🇹🇭 Top Form MDL | Trailer 28/03- 🇹🇭 Heesu in Class 2 MDL | Trailer

Well, that's it for now. Happy carnival to all who celebrate, and to the rest, have a wonderful weekend. My ask box is always open. Also if anyone reads this and makes edits of any of the shows I'm watching please use my tag #rosytracks. Thanks💜

[weirdbraincustard]

where ego ends, the god self emerges

addressing the “gap” you feel between your current and your higher self :

ego rushes, god self trusts

the desire to control everything, try too hard, go out of your way to make things happen, all of it stems from "working hard to feel you truly deserve it" aka limited logical thinking, aka the ego. the ego wants everything right now. it has the impatience of a spoiled child.

it is needy because its peace, sense of self and happiness depends upon receiving that particular desire. ego is mistrusting of your god self, only feels powerful when it has control. even if you get your desire, your issues will still remain. unless one dissolves neediness, they can't possibly be their god self.

god self is the state of peace & knowing. it doesn't control, it doesn't dwell on what others did or what happened. it believes in its authenticity and power. it knows that the desire is meant to be. the more you feel unsafe about your power within your own mind, the more your ego takes over your day to day thinking.

ego limits perspective

ego talks about self as the victim, it seems to hold the key of sanity by asserting control, which if any circumstance makes it feel it doesn't have, erupts in statements like : I AM TRIGGERED, I AM TARGETTED, I AM UNLOVED, I AM WRONGED, I AM MISUNDERSTOOD, I AM I AM I AM...

ego is not necessarily a bad thing, it was designed to protect you, it wasn't designed to help you manifest. ego hyper focuses on the aspects of your reality that you cannot control. it only creates the illusion of control.

to let go of ego, you have to let go of the urge to control what you cannot and should not. anything outside of your reactions and perspective, is something you cannot control. the more you make peace with this fact, the easier it is to be in peace. god self knows to only change within, not anything outside of you - not other people's behaviours, not their actions and not even circumstances. true manifestation happens when we trust our god self. it happens when we allow it without interfering through our mistrusted 3D reactions.

ego makes you hold grudges

we often dwell on thoughts and events, replaying negative ones to find out why it happened and how you could have avoided it, how the other person acted or why that event happened the way it did. the truth is, accept that it had to happen that way. things happened exactly as they did & you need to make peace with it. you can revise this but know that things can always change.

remember that circumstances and people do not hold the power to define who you are. you are not what happened to you or who wronged you. grudges and fixation on negative events come from the loss of power & hurt ego. the more you give them the power to make you feel unworthy, the more you lose touch from your god self that has no limitations & operates from unconditional love.

focus on forgiving yourself before forgiving people/circumstances. you don't have to dwell on every event, feeling or thought that your mind thinks of, you have the power to select what you focus on & what you let define yourself & your journey. you can always take a step back before you react or attach meaning to it.

how to dissolve ego?

focus inward, soothe yourself, let go of the idea that you need to work hard to deserve your desire. god self doesn't try, it knows. it knows the desire is theirs, cultivate trust on your own mind and potential. the reason you don't feel safe within your mind is the same reason why you fear every negative thought. you have to be your safe space. trust that you can handle whatever happens without abandoning yourself.

embrace your negative thoughts, feel your physical reactions to them and allow them to dissolve without identifying with them. the negative thoughts won't stop but your reaction to them can certainly change. the more you fear negative thoughts and run away from them, the more unsafe you feel within your own self. how sad is that. let go of the control, trust your god self to know what you're manifesting and simply focus on the present. it is so easy to overthink about the past and future, forgetting to live in the present. live this moment and turn your focus inward, nourish yourself and trust the rest upto your god self. it will happen, you got this!

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

The Secret Exchange Diary of the Beauty and the Tyrant (His POV)

These translations are not intended as a replacement for the game. Please support Cybird by buying their stories. Expect grammatical errors. Not 100% accurate.

CW: Slightly Suggestive

Emma: “Prince Silvio, would you like to exchange diaries?”

Silvio: “Ha?”

We were chillin’ out in bed after taking a bath together when Emma suddenly proposed an unexpected idea.

Emma: “We’ll show each other our diaries.”

Silvio: “Who would do something so embarrassing? I ain’t gonna do it.”

Emma: “You really think it’s embarrassing? Your voyage log is in a book, you know?”

Silvio: “Those two are different things. I won’t do it even if you ask me to.”

(Her head is really full of such fantasies.)

Emma: “Fine.”

Not expecting me to disagree, she easily backed down.

Emma: “Then, it’s okay if I send you my diary alone, right?”

Silvio: “What’s your goal here?”

Emma: “It’s a secret.”

(I don’t get it.)

I could tell she was up to something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

(Never mind. If she’s satisfied with it, fine.)

Silvio: “You’re going to send it anyway, aren’t you? Fine, I'll go along with it.”

Emma: “Thank you!”

She giggled and hugged me around the waist.

(I don’t really get how women think.)

Just like what she said, from that day on, she really did send me her diary.

Today I holed up in the castle's library to learn about the history and transition of Benitoite.

I've always known that the country is famous for its sea and trade. However, it was Prince Silvio's voyages that gave Benitoite the edge over other countries.

He had three major voyages in the past.

All of them were his greatest achievements that had already been compiled in history books.

My fiancée was really cool. I couldn't help but fall in love with him even more as I read about him in history books.

But what he achieved so far was not limited to voyages.

I'd like to know everything about him.

I might fall in love with him each time and suddenly want to hug him, but I hope he forgives me then.

(........)

(How can you write something so cringy?)

After reading her diary during my break, I closed it, and for some reason, my face wouldn't stop blushing.

It was so embarrassing that I almost jumped into the water but resisted and just ruffled my hair.

(But what's in it for her by giving it to me?)

(It's not like she has anything special to tell me. If anything, it just makes me feel good.)

(This is like a love letter now. Ah, damn it.)

It was sickening as a trader to benefit from the diary alone because the principle in business is fair trade.

Receiving Emma’s diary alone wasn’t fair.

(If she's only giving this to make me write a diary, then that's quite impressive.)

She might be a sassy woman, but I didn’t think she would use this kind of tactic.

(No point dwelling on it. I just have to ask her.)

Silvio: “Why do you want to exchange diaries?”

As soon as I finished my official duties, I stormed into her room and blurted out these words.

She was apparently studying hard, with a stack of history books on her desk.

She widened her eyes at my sudden visit, but stopped writing.

Emma: “I heard a rumor that you might be going on a voyage soon.”

(You already heard about it, huh?)

It was just a minor voyage一one that would leave the castle empty for a few days. But despite knowing this, Emma didn’t look too happy.

Emma: “This is the first time I’m going to be separated from you here in Benitoite.”

Emma: "I know you often go sailing, and there'll be times when we won't be able to see each other in the future, so I thought if I wrote a diary, I'd miss you a little less."

Silvio: "I see..."

I ended up clutching my head and grunting.

(If that's the case, you should've said so from the start. Why can't you do something as cute as this?)

Silvio: "It wouldn't make sense if you were the only one writing the diary."

Emma: "That's not true."

Emma: "Just having my diary will make you remember me when you go on your voyage. Pretty wicked, huh?"

(What's so wicked about it, you idiot?)

I ruffled her hair messily in annoyance at her overwhelming cuteness.

Emma: "Are you mad?"

Silvio: "Why would I be mad?"

Emma: "Because it was pretty selfish."

Silvio: "*sigh* It's not even close to being selfish."

(To be honest, I was planning to take your diary without telling you.)

Emma: "Then why did you mess up my hair?"

Silvio: "I just feel like it."

Emma: "Don't mess it up just because you feel like it!"

Silvio: "Shut up. I'm in the mood for this."

Now that I'd heard the reason, I couldn't bring myself to be embarrassed.

As I continued to mess up Emma's hair, I remembered again that no Benitoite businessman should ever break the most basic and important principle.

(It ain't my style, though.)

(Tch, I guess I don't have a choice.)

A few nights later, I returned to my room after finishing my work and heard the sound of lively footsteps thumping from the corridor.

Emma: "Prince Silvio!"

Silvio: "!?”

The door swung open with a bang, and Emma jumped into my chest like a rabbit.

Without giving me a chance to react, she suddenly hugged me, causing my body to freeze in surprise.

Silvio: "How many times do I have to tell you not to startle me?"

Emma: "This is not the time for that!"

She moved away from me and held up a diary.

It was the diary I purposely left in her room when she wasn't there.

(I left it there because I couldn't stand to see it being read in front of me.)

Emma: "I didn't expect you to write it."

Emma: "The content一"

Silvio: "Don't say it! Don't say it out loud!"

Emma: "I can't?"

Silvio: "You can't, you idiot."

(I want to get the hell out of here right now.)

Anticipating this, she blocked my way.

Emma: "Then let me tell you what I think of一"

Silvio: "I don't want any feedback!"

Emma: "I'll only say one short phrase."

I tried to cut off her words, but she quickly covered my mouth.

(This bitch...)

Emma: "I love you!"

I gulped, and my heart thumped loudly in my chest as I saw her face up close, beaming with delight.

Silvio: "You're getting carried away."

Emma: "Of course, I'd get carried away if I read that. It was like a love letter一"

This time, I put my lips on hers and took the words I couldn't bear to hear.

Silvio: "Don't say anything else."

(I don't want to remember it.)

Every time she tried to speak, I kissed her lips and entwined my breath with hers.

I held her hips and felt a slight tremor in my palms as I deepened the exchange of our tongues.

(I won't let you say anything cheeky for a while.)

Just to be sure, I kissed her more deeply, and lewd wet noises echoed around the room.

I knew that if I did this, she'd be even more embarrassed than I was.

When I took everything away from her, Emma turned her teary eyes upward, her breath uneven.

Emma: "Are you embarrassed?"

Silvio: "So what if I am?"

Emma: "Nothing."

She only grinned and said nothing about what I did, which would normally make her blush and complain.

Silvio: "Are you sure you want to be smiling like that?"

(Is my diary really making you that happy?)

I pushed her against a nearby wall and put my knee between her legs.

When I forcefully shook her, I could see from her expression that her composure had vanished.

Emma: "W-What do you think you're doing!?"

Silvio: "If you humiliated me, it's only fair that you should be humiliated as well."

Emma: "Ngh…I didn't humiliate you."

Silvio: "You ain't convincing me."

I unbuttoned her blouse and forcefully pulled down her upper garments.

As I mercilessly squeezed her exposed breasts, she began to moan.

(I was trying to keep you quiet, but if you keep making that kind of face, I wouldn't be able to hold back either.)

I lifted her skirt and continued to stimulate her directly with my knee.

When I smirked at the faint wetness I felt through my clothes, she noticed and looked away, blushing.

Emma: "Did you really hate the diary so much?"

Silvio: "If I really didn't like it, I wouldn't have done it."

I let out a small laugh, and despite her becoming somewhat disheveled, she laughed as well.

Emma: "Then, please stay with me for a little longer."

Silvio: "Ha?"

Emma: "Is that a no?"

(.........)

There was no way I could resist her request, seeing how she carefully held the diary.

Silvio: "I'll go along with you as much as you want if this makes you that happy. Damn it."

Swearing, I hold Emma in my arms and lay her on the bed.

As I sank her into the bed, the diary slipped from her hands, its pages flipping open.

I'm off to the shipyard today for a meeting to discuss the new voyage.

I'd most likely be sailing in a few weeks at this rate.

I plan to return in a few days, but I kinda feel bad leaving you alone.

We'll use an unknown route this time, so the danger is uncertain. This is why I can't take you with me.

I'll be back as soon as I can because you seem to be more lonely than I thought.

As you know, I'm a businessman before I'm royalty.

I will probably go on less risky voyages as I take over the throne, but I don't intend to stop because Benitoite has made rapid progress by crossing rough seas and creating new trade routes.

My way of doing things is different from my old man's.

I may make you lonely and worried, but I will spoil you when I can be with you.

I'll keep up with the diary, and if there's anything else you want me to do, just let me know.

I'll even do a few outlandish things for you.

I can't help but fall in love with you, too, every single day.

Fin.

[all-pacas]

In your chase md fic, do you think camchase are the kind of former couple who can't help but be in each other orbit? Want to be in each other's orbit? I get being attracted to your ex but they seem do be very drawn to each other.

i think their problem is - and this is part of the fanfic, too - they never really got closure. it isn't that they're In Love anymore (they really, truly aren't), it's more the way their relationship ended and what happened after.

i've talked about this before, but they broke up during their honeymoon period, at the peak of their relationship and love for one another. they did it very suddenly, without any conversation or resolution -- we see chase spend months after (private lives, lockdown) try to figure out what happened and what went wrong, and given how cameron dwells on literally everything there's no way she didn't do the same. as well, they didn't break up over anything… personal; there was no affair or big fight or drifting apart. chase murdered a guy, and that's huge, but it's so huge and sudden and abrupt that they literally went from "happy newlyweds" to "divorced forever" in a month. the time between chase in both sides now talking about how ten years from now they'll be sickeningly happy with three kids, to the divorce, was six months.

lockdown also reinforces this: it is a full six months later again, and they start off angry and blaming one another, but very quickly move on to dancing, have sex, cuddling. they have unresolved feelings, at least at that point: cameron is gone for good after this, but we know from s8 (post mortem and everybody dies) that they stayed in at least some sort of touch and sat together for house's funeral. even if they are no longer in love (and i don't think they are), clearly they still care about one another and get along, far better than i'd honestly think (sitting together at the funeral???? guys???).

(they say lockdown was their closure, but considering that lockdown was also just them talking about all the things they liked about one another before having sex i…… okay, that's a kind of closure i guess!)

the show tells us, about chase at least, that… even if he's emotionally over cameron, he's really not over his divorce, if that makes sense. s7 and s8 are littered with lines calling him out on his sluttiness being a search for connection/wanting to replicate that feeling of love and intimacy; he fails, and he hates himself for failing. again, i don't know that he's in love with cameron anymore, but he misses that relationship, he clearly still likes her, he never wanted to break up (even if the divorce was, let's be clear, 200% his fault). that and the abruptness means i think he has to have unresolved feelings; we also know that chase spent most of his childhood in that same "maybe if i try harder, dad will love me / dad hates me / i still love him though" cycle, so it's kind of easy to imagine him stuck in that pattern to an extent.

obviously it's harder to say with cameron, but we also see just how long she clings to her relationships and feelings when she can; on the one hand i think she was actively trying to Move On and made a solid effort at hating chase for a while, but on the other hand she genuinely sucks at this; look at how long she was still crushing on house after he rejected her as meanly as possible. we also see from lockdown that she really isn’t that fussed about the murder and doesn’t hate chase even a little. part of that is the show doing some retconning, but… why did they get divorced? do they even know? in six months cameron went from “you’re poison” to “i ran because i was afraid and i loved you.”

i think they do still like one another, and have a weird mutual repression of "we always did like one another, we can still be friends, it's fine!" going; because of how abruptly and unexpectedly they broke up, they're probably both always going to think "if not for dibala, we'd still be together." does that mean they're still in love? no. but i think they're also more in orbit than a "normal" couple would be. (for an interesting comparison, look at foreman and thirteen, who did care for one another a lot but had no problems moving on when their relationship ended. or compare house and stacy, who broke up hating one another but still were clearly so unresolved they fell right back into an affair in s2.)

-

for the purposes of my story, i also… tweaked the timeline a little. i've alluded to it a couple times already, but cameron and chase met up "as friends" in chicago sometime between s7-8 early in chase's surfing vacation year -- these were (mostly) platonic visits, but i also wanted to increase the orbit for narrative and dramatic purposes. but frankly… it doesn’t take much.

[ayeliiss]

My two cents on MHA430 and Izuku's character

Disclaimer: this is NOT a hate post against Horikoshi and his manga. Simply, I need to lash my disappointment out somewhere and write my feelings down before I implode. I'm not trying to sound like 'ugh, I know better than them' at all, although I am aware some of my claims may give the 'why does the author think he knows so much?!' vibes, but keep in mind this is just my irrelevant opinion and it won't change anything anyway. So, please, don't come at me with 'lacking reading comprehension' or 'you're coping' (yes, I am) because I feel like fans are allowed to be upset at this ending even if you think differently! To each their own opinion, as long as it's respectful! Also, this might be unnecessarily long so, I apologize in advance.

Discussion about Izuku's character

First of all, if you're satisfied with the ending and what Izuku did/became, I'm genuinely happy for you. Truthfully, I envy you so damn much because I personally couldn't stop feeling empty and crying at night for him, and before you come at me with 'girl, he's fictional, it's okay you'll move on', yes, I know I'm a drama queen and I shouldn't be in one hell of a state for a fictional character, but I can't help it. I've grown as attached to him as I've ever grown to any character before, and there's no turning back. MHA is the first manga that ever moved me this hard and it'll forever remain a masterpiece for me, but it doesn't mean it's not flawed and should be free of criticism (always with respect for Horikoshi's work).

Funny thing is, I didn't even like Izuku when I first met him. He was the typical crybaby and too-optimistic MC I tend to dislike when I read a manga. Yet, the more I read, the more I started to understand him, the more I sympathized with him, and the more I loved him. I realized I related to him to such an outlandish extent, though I know we remain different in the way we act or think. But Izuku, even before Katsuki (and my friends know how obsessed I am with this blond lmao), became my first and greatest over-fixation and my main reason to continue reading/watching MHA. This manga changed my life; Izuku did too, and this isn't an understatement.

Just like him—and probably just like many of us—, I've endured bullying, been made fun of for being different, felt unwanted and hated, been belittled, and treated like shit for most of my teenage years. I think that's what really endeared him to me. I wanted to watch him grow, to watch him make real friends, to watch him receive the apologies and respect he deserved, to see him succeed. I wanted him to realize he was worth it and loved and, oh God, I wish he could know just how much his fans do love him.

And for 200+ chapters, I got what I wanted. Izuku got to live his dream, be around his idol who recognized him, and made new friends who admired him and wanted nothing but to be by his side. Then, the Vigilante arc happened, and everything changed. I won't dwell on the fact that, for me, this arc was the beginning of the decline of his character. It's worth noting though that it's at this precise moment that we've lost track of all his thoughts, but I'll focus on the ending, and how the way Horikoshi handled Izuku's character remains my biggest disappointment.

I sometimes joked with a friend of mine, saying, "Hori's favorite character is Katsuki and it shows so much, he even forgets he isn't his MC!" but I don't think it's much of a joke anymore.

Again, I'm very happy for those who are pleased with Izuku's closure. But, honestly, I can't grasp their process of thinking (I wish I could) because there's no way I can understand how it makes sense. It's not about him being quirkless—actually, I think this choice was cool—, it's about his obvious fucking depression.

After his initial withdrawal, there is never any resolution. He has never talked about his feelings to anyone, never opened up about all the things that bugged him, never taken it out on anyone. He just stopped having development, and never learned how to 'control his heart' (one of the biggest plots of the story, remember???). So, he continues to take everything up on his shoulders by the end of the story, and eight years later, he is feeling lonely, as he says himself:

Yes, I can read, and I know he's also saying he's happy with helping/encouraging other people. But it's literally denial. Izuku is in denial and it hurts me so much. He's alone (I'm not talking about how he's barely seen his friends, I know they didn't abandon him or anything, I'm talking about how he is feeling in general), deprived of his dream, and never got to talk about it to anyone (at least, on-screen. And if it's not shown, then it didn't happen). Even the adults around him don't see he's in pain—or, at least, don't think it's worth addressing. Aizawa can't even simply answer 'yes, you're cool' when Izuku obviously seeks praise and needs nice words after everything he's been through. He doesn't even get fans (except for two, waouh!) after saving the fucking world. He doesn't get a statue, no recognition. Katsuki leads a project for him to get a suit, but not the government? After everything he did? Why isn't he more recognized and acknowledged for his hard work? Killing him would've almost felt like a better choice lol (#it's a joke).

Even if, in the end, he gets to join his friends again and be a hero with them, he's still not opening up. How is it sane/healthy for him???? How will he even be able to maintain good relationships of any kind if there are already so many and huge miscommunication issues?

I hate this—I dislike how it's basically saying 'his feelings weren't that important!'. Izuku deserved better, a better closure. So much is missing from him; from this bitter ending, and I can't find any way to make myself feel better or to cope with it.

I am devastated, I feel empty for him, I just want someone to take him to therapy, to help him.

Some rumors have started to spread, about how 'Horikoshi has been forced to shorten his manga' but I don't believe this—MHA has been SJ's money-maker for a while. And even if it were to be true, the epilogue could've been handled differently. Hori could've focused on the most important parts (that he hasn't even shown/resolved at all) and left the irrelevant ones out (why introduce a new character if not to make us feel hopeful to see Tenko again, lol). He chose to not address the most important aspects of his story (including his MC's resolution and growth) and left us with huge plot holes. And now, we're stuck with our imagination, as usual.

I just can't with 'open endings' and 'it's left to interpretation' stuff. It's too easy to do that. I'm tired of mangakas not taking risks, rushing their own plots, and not digging deeper into their own MCs' traumas. I don't know what happened, but among the many issues left regarding this last chapter, Izuku's conclusion remains my greatest ick. I'm so sorry to say this, but Izuku didn't grow. He never learned from his mistakes and just didn't change—oh wait. Yes, he did change on one crucial aspect—his biggest trait, being obsessed with his childhood friend, totally disappeared! Maybe he started to stop caring about 'Kacchan and the others' and put himself first, to the point of forgetting the said childhood friend died twice for him, who knows? :))) (yeah, I'm especially pissed off at this lol don't mind me).

In my imagination, I see him being a pro-hero who continues to suppress his feelings and continues to act recklessly, to risk his life in the face of any danger that shows up. This is what happens when you leave it to fans' imagination, after all.

I know fanfictions exist, and I'm very happy this unclear ending motivated some writers to challenge their creativity. For me, it had the opposite effect. I'm disgusted, I am angry at Izuku and I know I'll struggle to finish my fics where he's involved because I don't want to deal with his character anymore. I'm too attached to canonical representation.

Man, I'm just devastated. I have no other words. And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I feel betrayed. Shitted on. I'm dying inside and there's nothing I can do because it's over. Just like this long-ass essay, btw lol. Thank you if you're still here, thank you if you've read this! I'm pretty much open to discussion so if anyone wants to try and reassure me over some aspects or respectfully explain why I am wrong (I know I probably am, yet again those are my own feelings), please don't hesitate to do so. Also, I definitely need friends with whom I could talk about this deeper... so, my DMs are open too if you'd like to!

Much love to Izuku though; one of the best MCs I've encountered in my life, despite how he turned.

[anulithots]

This is a very tentative existence. I could very well have serious consequences that wouldn't end well I don't have much time to write anything so I reblog fanart and things a lot... do ask me how my writing is going though, I'll prepare answers and copy paste (got banned from social media and this is a loophole)

I because I can't have social media, I made my own:

It's still in the works but ta da ta da!

Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me so far, and I hope to see you all again one day!

(@sm-writes-chaos, thank you soooo much for the fanart)

Feel free to keep sending me things! I can see everything that I'm tagged in and asks and comments. (They get sent to my email.)

I may not be able to respond, but I always appreciate it! See me as benevolent internet being. Send me your stories, link click things, anime recs, anything and everything!

Previous hyperfixations I'd love to ramble about:

Nightcord at 25 (the mizuki event I sob),

Arcane

Bocchi the Rock,

Link Click (HAPPY YINGDU ARC *sobs*),

Sherlock Holmes

and I"m always open to seeing things/talking about things in cellular biology <3

The summer Hikaru Died

Six of Crows

Current hyperfixations:

in stars and time

in stars and time

in stars and time

in stars an-

my own stories??? Pretty weird pretty strange but they want to be written now crazy.

(Not so quick, sorry I ramble) Quick info:

Hello hello, my name's Noor, (they/them, fae/faer, it/its).

I have some semblance of a human-like flesh, but in reality I'm a conglomerate of stories and shadows, which I hoard like a dragon

I'm aspec and genderfluid. Where on the aroace spectrum? Yes. (Basically, I'm a queer platonic sap, hi)

Fandoms: Link Click, Kasane Teto, Arcane, Sherlock Holmes, Nightcord at 25 and Project Sekai, Qualia the purple, Jujutsu Kaisen, Alien stage, the Girl from the Other Side, the Little Prince, Autodale/the dead sound short films, toilet bound hanako-kun, The summer HIkaru died, Qualia the purple, Six of crows.

Song artists: THornapple, Eve, BaishaJAWS, Waisa Project, Marina and the Diamonds, Mitski, Yaelkore, Kasane teto, Ado, 告五天, Vaundy

I will ship queer platonically, fandoms are missing out on queer platonic ships THEY ARE SO WONDEROUS AKJDFKLSDLKFj

I favor themes and character development and overanalyze everything, to the point where my thoughts contain more of my existence than existence itself.

my responsibility avoidance has caught up to me yet I'm still here

Things I have a strange amount of information on: Biology (particularly apoptosis and caspases), the mycorrhizal system and trees, herbs, rhetorical devices and storytelling, marketing, editing, quantum physics, character analysis, random theoretical and phycological musings, spirituality but we don't talk about that, basically nothing practical whatsoever.

Least favorite things: chairs, shoes, grocery stores, the looming doom of being independent, grass lawns, the school system, apathy, being told to 'go to sleep at a reasonable time', executive dysfunction

Fun fact: My life's purpose is to turn the subjects I like (like biology) into stories (an episodic narrative about a caspase trying to find meaning in life before they destroy the cell and end it all).

I also make dolls

In other news, since large Anuli doll has been... ruined. I make a tiny one, I'll upload picutures on youtube at somepoint. NIce to see you all! If you wish to respond, feel free to tag me in a reblog!

@osbob-the-existent @starryeyeddarlings @sleepy-vix @sea-dwelling-wizard

Original is here <-- intro post. It's older.

Thank you to everyone who reads my ramblings and likes my stories, you all mean the world to me and I can't thank you enough. <3

The dearest, most wonderous people, otherwise known as the lotff tag list:

@waitingforthesunrise @sm-writes-chaos @holdmyteaplease @full-on-sam

@osbob-the-existent @awleeofficial

@clearcloudlesssky @gummybugg @sleepy-vix @starryeyeddarlings

@sea-dwelling-wizard @snowpoet123 @ashirisu 

lmk if you'd like to be added or removed <3 🌿

In Stars and Time Hyperfixation

Listen if I were to give a summary of my thoughts we'd be here for days. It's so good. It's soo good. The character dynamics and the themes and the possible interpretations and if you apply existentialism to this game it gives a whole other slew of interpretations AND SAMOSAS

Link Click Hyperfixation

Otherwise known as Cheng Xiaoshi, his sister, and his queer platonic bf all get traumatized as they break the space time continuum.

GIF by bishonenlover

What shall I say? The subtle buildup of Cheng Xiaoshi's backstory, the way it gets more and more tragic and nuanced as it parallels with those he possesses? The way he can adapt and strategize for the given situation (despite the fact that everyone sees him as just a silly), how he continues to wait for his parents, how he loves Lu Guang so much he would lose him just to respect his wishes, how his emotional connection with those he possesses overwhelms him and it's. so. tragic.

Lu Guang's adherence to the rules to the point where he's ripping at the seams, how he teases Cheng Xiaoshi even more than Cheng XIaoshi does to him (yes even with his stoic character. He's so silly... also season two), how he has the most queer platonic coded relationship with Cheng Xiaoshi ever?

Qiao Ling and her avoidance of uncomfortable feelings, the way she canonically called Cheng Xiaoshi her brother and is the only one able to connect with Xixi, how she's actually the only levelheaded character here? (Shee'sss sooo prettyyy I lovvee herrr)

Jujutsu Kaisen Hyperfixation

GIF by heycaz

As the name suggests, I am hyperfixated. I have also written essays analyzing these characters. Be very afraid. And/or come suffer with me /pos

Also also, for those who don't want to see any JJK smut, this blog should be safe for you! <3 I ship Satosugu but in a... transcend labels, queer platonic flavor sort of way. And I flipflop on itafushi. Either way they are soul mates and labels are just extra. Found family dynamics and everlasting friendships/comfort people are peak fiction for me.

Anuli's favorite stories

Favorite writeblrs and stories from tumblr

The Land of the Fallen Fairies

A character-centric commentary on the pursuit of happiness, told by tree fairies.

updated Uquiz

zine

Which one my characters are you? Uquiz (Includes Anuli, Kamari, and two other characters not mentioned.)

This has changed a lot. I'll write something here eventually. More info updates on my website

[runningthroughthegarden]

Hi how are you ❤️? You write amazingly well <3

I was wondering, if you take requests, if you could write a Jack/Ethan fic inspired by "You're Losing Me" by Taylor Swift. (You can decide the ending, line sad or not)

Thanks you 💕

thank you!! yall love being heartbroken, me too!! requests are open, i love doing them :)

-

you and jack had been dating for a year when he got offered a role in scream vi. you were more than excited for him, even though it meant you would be spending a lot of time apart. you both decided you would do everything in your power to make it work, but lately that was proving to be easier said than done. the last couple of days you could barely get in touch with him. whenever he did reply it was small or dry remarks. you felt lonely in the apartment you once shared. sitting, staring at the walls that were once filled with laughter and love. feeling your phone buzz you are quick to check the notification. 

“hey babe sorry ive had a long day on set” 

“jack we havent talked in days. i don't understand” 

“i know you don't. listen i’ll call you tomorrow” 

crashing on your bed, tears begin to dwell in your eyes.

you say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"

we thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

pacing your room with your phone up to your ear you begin to grow anxious. jack broke his empty promise and didn’t call you. so now here you were, trying to piece it back together. as the ringing stops, a smile is cast across your face. 

“jack!! hey, i miss you”

“hey what did you want”

“well you said you were gonna call and i just wanted to check up on you” 

“im a little busy right now” 

“oh okay maybe we can call again later” 

a deep sigh is his only response. 

“is everything okay?” 

“no everythings not okay! i cant get anything done when youre bothering me all day. im working and all you want to do is talk about your day. im sorry but i really don't care right now”

“oh okay. i’ll let you go” 

throwing your phone onto your bed, you break down in sobs. 

do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

i'm getting tired even for a phoenix

always risin' from the ashes

mendin' all her gashes

you might just have dealt the final blow

you spent the evening on your bed, shaking with tears streaming down your eyes. you could only thing about how good things used to be. when you had a boyfriend who absolutely adored you. now it seemed like you had no one at all. your heart was racing a million hours per hour and yet you felt absolutely nothing. 

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

after that night, that call, you made it a point to stay out of jacks way. he would facetime you every now and then. while he got his hair done, goofing around on set, or just in his trailer. none of these times did he seem to notice that none of your smiles reached your eyes. your replies were empty and solemn. you were happy to see him so excited but apart of you hated him for not realizing what he had done. for not realizing how deep his words had truly affected you. 

“hey you okay” 

biting your nails behind the screen 

“lately not really” you honestly replied. 

“hang on mason's gotta tell me something. i’ll call you later. love you."

every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes

how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

my face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

your surprised to hear a knock at your door. you open it to reveal your curly headed boyfriend. he had stopped responding to you completely a few days ago, so saying you were shocked to see him was an understatement. tired of being the only one trying to keep the relationship afloat, you let out your frustration. 

“what are you doing here jack” 

“hey i just wanted to check up on you, i have a few days off” 

he brings you into a hug, but you stay stiff below him. 

“whats wrong?” he asks, picking up on your mood. 

“you ignore me for days and expect me to be excited to see you?” 

“ive been busy you know that” 

“jack we barely talk anymore. and when we do you blow me off in the first 5 minutes. hell you even told me to stop talking to you.” you explain, tears filling your eyes. 

“look im sorry, the movies just been taking up all my time."

“and the movies more important than me right?” you say barely above a whisper.

“no but this is my job, my life” 

“then maybe you should only worry about yourself” finally looking into his eyes.

“what are you trying to say” 

“im saying we’re done jack. i cant keep putting myself through hell only for you not to give a shit” 

“no c'mon we can make this work.”

“yeah thats what you said last time. please jack im going to ruin myself if this keeps happening.” 

you both are a crying mess at this point. 

not saying another word, jack leaves. 

and the air is thick with loss and indecision

i know my pain is such an imposition

now, you're running down the hallway

and you know what they all say

"you don't know what you got until it's gone"

the next morning you find a letter left at your front door. 

my love, 

i'm sorry. for absolutely everything. i love you endlessly. when the stars realign, i’ll be there. but for now, be with someone who can give you everything i couldn't. 

-jack

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

stop 'cause you're losing me

crumpling up the paper you begin to cry. 

i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

giving up so much of yourself, you were absolutely exhausted. the beautiful relationship you once had is now behind you. 

you're losing me

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore

giving up the fight, you were at rest. 

[prince-liest]

Thoughts on Angel/Val?

Very awful! Very fun!

In all seriousness: I admire how well Hazbin Hotel portrayed Angel's situation with Valentino as genuinely horrifying. In a show where people casually murder each other in the street for comic effect, they did an amazing job framing Valentino's comparatively minor on-screen crime of smacking Angel Dust around a bit as fucking horrific. The way that Angel's tension and fear builds throughout the episode, the way that just a look from Valentino has him cringing, and the way that Valentino's violence toward him is angry, possessive, and also just extremely casual in the ease with which he enacts it all feel deeply real to me, and that's what makes me love watching that episode. It's not just the usual casual murder: it's a believable portrayal of long-term physical, emotional, financial, and sexual abuse.

I had to pause a few times the first time I watched the episode because I kept going, "I can't believe they actually - ?!"

I desperately want to see more of them together, and I also spent every episode after that one chanting, "SOMEONE HELP ANGEL DUST? DID WE FORGET TO HELP ANGEL DUST?? WHY IS NOBODY HELPING ANGEL DUST????"

... Also, hopefully it is known by now that I like horrible things. I won't commit to anything without a happy ending, but boy do I like the pathway there to be paved with, like. Lava. Spikes. Lava-dwelling alligators covered in spikes.

[sweetened-mercury]

To demons reacting to an extremely "human" human (extremely attached to their feelings and emotions, living with them and accepting them)

Just thoughts I've had from reading what little you have on Macht, I find both him and the Demon King commendable for wanting to understand feelings we can't even describe ourselves

Macht

It's safe to say that Macht wouldn't be too surprised; he's lived with thousands of humans in his life, even if all this coexistence hasn't been long-lasting in his eyes. He doesn't understand why that particular human caught his eye so much.

Lors Gluck proposed a dance in which he would have to take part, Macht didn't find it any punishment, with the consequence of being able to observe human interaction a little more, until he was quickly forced to dance and interact with a human.

His steps were methodical, tapping in tune with the dance, his gaze as always a little distant and cold, when it landed on his own who was looking at him in such a different way, he wondered why his gaze seemed different. It wasn't what Gluck had taught him should describe malice or guilt, or the other looks that were directed at him, anger, hatred or sadness. You had a big, white smile, a glazed, shining gaze.

He was interested in you, a small, insignificant soul who could barely use magic, and you later told him that you were equally interested in him, explaining why that look was so, and that it was just a pure play of interest and amusement. (Minimally explaining what amusement and interest were).

He decided that he wanted to get to know you more deeply, not knowing if he would be able to achieve the emotions that he was trying so hard to feel at his core, but he was driven by an interest, he wanted not only to understand humans, he wanted to understand you as a whole.

You never expected to feel anything, neither love nor sadness, in one of your frank conversations he told you about the deal he made with Lord Gluck, you explained how selfish you were both being, as if Weise was a bet. What Macht didn't understand was that interacting with you was different, you were free-smiling, and even though he wasn't the same, nothing seemed to matter much. He would just stand there watching every part of your happiness, wanting to have a smile like yours, wanting to laugh with you, or feel your pain on days of sadness.

When he decided to put an end to Weise, for some reason that he doesn't know or could explain, he just remembered you, by turning decades of memories into pure gold, for some reason you were in his mind, he couldn't feel, he tried, malice, guilt, nothing dwelled in his chest, but in his methodical and anti-social brain, he imagined you, and in a golden city, you were left with a skin not plated with gold, but soft as flesh.

Macht could never explain why of all the things he transmuted he left you alive and soft, he didn't love you, he didn't feel anything, and even when he saw the anger and hatred in your eyes, he didn't feel like doing it. But he would be fine, if at least one of you could feel, you would feel all the emotions for both of you, curiosity, happiness, love, hate

malice or guilt.

[queers-gambit]

Do you have any advice or examples on "show, don't tell"? I don't think I fully understand what it means or how to do it and I get nervous that when I "show", the audience won't understand.

oooooooooooohhhhh what a GOOD question, poppet. you came to the right place 'cause this has to do with an overwhelming amount of description and imagery and detail and semiotics - which are all my forte. i still can't believe some of y'all come to me for writing advice, i'm so flattered. genuinely warms my heart, thank you for trusting me enough to ask, let alone receive what i've to say. as always, i am NOT a professional no matter how much i aspire to be.

let's get into this! fair warning, this got way too long for a very simple question and i'm so sorry.

"show, don't tell" is writers advice as old as time. it's borderline the baseline rule of almost all written works and it dwells deeply in written semiotics.

🍒 but we first should establish what "show, don't tell" means!

for example, don't just TELL your audience a character is emotional:

"Jane Doe didn't feel like doing much of anything lately, too saddened by her boyfriend ending their relationship to feel or do anything other than wallow."

SHOW us by describing the character's demeanor, expressions, body language, environment:

"a chill hung like suspended tension in the lightless room, devoid of life despite Jane Doe laying in rumpled sheets; tears from choked sobs soaking into the deflated pillow under her heavy head. her hand clutched the silent cellphone in a vice grip, praying she could manifest a message that would never come, not since John decided a relationship wasn't worth his time. her chest felt so heavy, an elephant could've been sat on it - almost like a hole had been burned through her heart. a tension headache stemmed from pinched brows, ransacking her memory for anything that could've lead to this moment - to prove she deserved this soul-crushing despair that congealed her blood to turn her sluggish."

right? you see the difference? you don't have to say "sad" at all because the description is painting the picture for you. the words are meant to strike in your heart and mind, it's supposed to put you in the feeling even if you've never had the same experience because humans can empathize, BUT you really need to give them something TO empathize with. so get descriptive.

let's look at a couple of things.

first, i put you in a "lightless" room that has a "chill". i'm setting the scene by drawing on your senses because it's a (typically) universally understood phenomenon. this can give an idea the character is isolated. then i introduce the character before telling you what she's doing, creating an image in your head. i show you she's crying - now, ask yourself, does a person experiencing happiness lay in a cold, dark room, crying? no. so... what should you be inferring? that her emotional state is something less than ideal, right? she's sad. there's no mention of anyone else, so we understand she's alone. again, isolated, cold, in the dark. sad. her chest is "heavy". another feeling some people can relate to when emotional. now i use a metaphor! "almost like a hole had been burned through her heart," gives a dramatic sense of the emotional blow Jane Doe has taken. makes sense she would be sad after that. the use of the words "ransacking", "deserve", "soul-crushing", and "despair" should make you think there's desperation, denial, and bargaining going on on Jane's end. all common side effects of confusion. lastly, "soul-crushing despair that congealed her blood to turn her sluggish," is another empathic mental image that shows this sadness is almost tangible enough to infect Jane Doe. this shows the magnitude of her emotional state.

does that make sense? i know that was a lot. but stay with me, there's a lil more.

🍒 literary devices are your best friend, especially similes and metaphors.

🍒 play on ALL five senses, since those are typically universally understood.

🍒 get dramatic, it drives certain points. but don't peacock it too much, that can confuse and lose the audience.

🍒 look up descriptive words if you're feeling stuck. adjectives and verbs are pretty good for descriptions.

🍒 don't just TELL your audience what they should feel, your only obligation is to SHOW us what you want us to know or think or assume or feel or infer. you cannot control if that message is received and understood as you meant it, but you can control HOW you describe it.

🍒 you're telling us ABOUT it, not just telling us what we need to know.

it's tedious. it gets tiring. it can even become a little confusing, but it's so worth. description immerses audiences in the story; it puts them in the room with Jane Doe, maybe even in her shoes! ... or sheets, i guess.

now, onto my favorite!

🍒 semiotics

when i say i'm obsessed with semiotics, it's to the point i'm legitimately looking into graduate programs for it. it's very niche, but it's absolutely fascinating.

ah, but what is it? -> "the study of signs and symbols and their use or interpretation" -> in laymen's terms, semiotics is essentially how you know things.

for example, when watching a movie, HOW do you know the heterosexual characters on screen are a couple - withOUT being explicitly told? say you're deaf and cannot hear the words "man and wife" - so, how do you KNOW? you look at the signs and symbols: are they wearing wedding rings? are they touching? is it an intimate touch or innocent? do they kiss or hold hands? what're they wearing? what's their proximity to each other? where are they - are they physically at the alter? is she wearing a bridal gown? do they visually match in any capacity? what're their interactions?

so that's VISUAL semiotics. written semiotics is the same, only it's YOU writing the description and giving us the tools and symbols we need to understand whatever point you're trying to make.

i know that was a lot of word vomit, but i do hope there was even a nugget of something helpful in there!

best of luck, babes, and happy writing!

all my love 🖤

[glowingbadger]

Thoughts on pillow talk with Seteth? Do you think he’d be the kind to go for compliments, or more like talking about the day to come and things like that?

Friend Anon it has been FAR too long since someone came here to talk to me about Seteth, thank you for breaking my dry spell.

As for pillow talk, there's the "immediately post-sex" variety and the "waking up together" variety, which I think are very different for him.

For immediately after sex, we're talking: - so much praise and adoration, all with that sweet, warm smile that only you get to see- some at the monastery sometimes doubt whether he smiles at all, let alone like this. It's so soft and gentle, and even though it brings out the creases around his eyes, it somehow looks very youthful on him. - he almost can't help being his most emotionally honest right after being intimate with you. He's ordinarily so private and reserved about his personal feelings, but while coming down from that rush of endorphins and feeling that emotional high, he'll hold you close and gush about how he adores you, and that he thanks the Goddess each and every day that he has you in his life. - having been in a committed relationship before, he also knows the importance of sexual communication, so he's also certain to check in with you about that. He'll make sure you have water, that you're comfortable and so on, and he's more than happy to hear what you enjoyed, anything different you'd like to try- especially since he's got quite a bit of stamina and a repressed libido to let loose, so he always wants to ensure that he was never too rough or demanding with you.

As for in the morning together: - on work days (which, for Seteth, is nearly every day that isn't an important religious holiday or feast day), he's almost certainly an earlier riser than you. He doesn't enjoy it, but it's a long-established habit, and he feels it necessary to stay on top of things. As you can imagine, there's not much snuggling and chatting on these days, but if you haven't woken yet, he'll still always kiss your cheek or forehead before heading to his office for the day. He'd be incredibly embarrassed if you ever caught him doing this, but sometimes, he steals just a moment or two to admire you sleeping peacefully, and reflect on how fortunate he feels to have you. - on the rare occasion that you two do have time together in the morning, he can be convinced to stay in bed and snuggle and/or chat for a bit- though you might end up gently scolding him for starting to ramble about everything he has to get done later. He'll smile shyly and say, "Apologies, my love, you're right that I oughtn't dwell on such things when we finally have time to spend together." - he'll also seize this opportunity to ask you about things you two haven't had the chance to chat about lately; something you've been reading recently that he'd love to hear your thoughts on, one of the monastery cats doing something silly, how your teatime with Flayn was the other day. He's an attentive listener, and cherishes the opportunity to enjoy such light and casual conversation with you.

[yakuzacanons]

Wow you're literally the best thing to happen to this platform 🧎‍♀️

I would like to request an angst with fluff ending for Majima and reader 👀 Maybe something involving Makoto and jealousy? 👀

I'd say that it's not just one thing that instantaneously makes the reader break down. First, she notices the wistful look that Majima had when he first tells her about Makoto. Then it's the song that he sings at Karaoke that she just knows it's dedicated to her. And finally, it's when he comes back from Sotenbori acting distant and she immediately knows that something is up, causing her to just burst into tears, resigned and defeated. "Why am I even here?"

I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR INCREDIBLE BRAIN TO BRRRR AGAIN

First of all bless u sweet anon, and second of all my brain is going so brrr that if I were to describe it I might explode and we cannot have that. Sorry it took so long to respond to this one, I had to let it simmer in da ol' brain for a bit cuz I have too many ideas for this. Gonna be a long one so sorry in advance but also I am not sorry cuz it's Majima babey! Headcanon below da cut as always. Spoilers for Yakuza 0 and 5.

Majima isn't exactly secretive but he is selective about what he says, especially when embarking into a romantic relationship. The last time he was romantically involved, it ended in a messy divorce. Generally, a lot of things in Majima's life have ended that way so he's delicate whenever he talks about his past.

In doing so, he doesn't realize he's making you feel alienated. Whenever you do ask about his past, it's obvious that he's tense. His answers get shorter, he changes the subject faster. Initially you didn't mind. You knew about his previous marriage, even if only in so few words because he's not one to dwell on that subject. But he never told you about Makoto.

You actually first hear about Makoto via Kiryu, who didn't mean to bring it up. Maybe Majima was just having a particularly bad day and Kiryu says something like "Last time I saw Majima-neesan that upset, it was..." before trailing off. Kiryu can't lie to save his life, and eventually he spills the beans, trying to keep it short by saying "Oh, it's this girl we both knew in the 80's." but it's too late. The secret's out now.

You're not mad that he kept this from you but you're a little surprised. The two of you never had trouble talking about past loves. Even if Majima didn't necessarily enjoy the topic, he was truthful. So why hide this? When you finally confront him with the question, he completely freezes.

He'll immediately deflect with a "How'd ya hear 'bout that?" but when he realizes he can't wiggle his way out of this one, he'll sigh and finally give you the truth. It hurts him that you didn't hear it from him first. Did he plan on telling you eventually? Maybe, probably, he thinks, but secretly he isn't entirely sure. If allowed, would he have left it all buried in the past?

Majima summarizes the events as best as he can without showing any particular feelings towards the matter, but you can see the faintest glimmer in his eyes, a kind you've never seen before. It's a nostalgic ache, both a yearning for what used to be and complete resignation to the fact he could never go back. Eventually you realize that pressing him further is only making him recoil, so you let it slide with a huffy breath. Still, you can't help but wonder what was so special about Makoto that he couldn't even tell YOU of all people that she even existed?

You had nearly forgotten these nagging feelings until you saw the way Majima sang "As Long As You're Happy" at karaoke a few nights later. There was that faint glimmer again. Secretly, Majima's also bugged by his own thoughts and feelings on the matter but neither of you know what to say, if there even IS anything to say, to fix this. He sings to air out these thoughts, not realizing how it looks to you.

You manage to keep it together until Majima leaves to Sotenbori for a work related trip. He'd done this before and it should've been fine but this time it was anything but. You spent nights staring at the ceiling, images of a younger Majima hand in hand with Makoto in the streets of Sotenbori. Him with that long hair you'd only seen in photos and that suit that he doesn't wear anymore. The version of him that Makoto knows and that you could never know.

When Majima finally returns from his trip late one night, you're still lying in bed, wide awake. Normally, he would wake you up immediately and smother you with kisses but instead he walks to the nearby window and lights a cigarette, not realizing you were awake just a few feet away. Majima leans against the windowsill, exhaling heavily, his eyes completely clouded. You'd never seen him like this before.

Before you know it, hot tears are pouring down your face. Was Makoto that big of a deal that he would be acting this, as if he were an entirely different person? Maybe he was, you feared. Maybe the real Majima was still locked away somewhere in an alley in Sotenbori, grasping Makoto close as they hide from thugs, his ever watchful eye fixated on her. The thought drowned you completely.

You hadn't realized it, but your whimpers had become audible. Majima snaps out of his stupor and turns to glance at you as you lay in bed with the blanket pulled nearly over your entire face and it finally clicks. "Ah, shit, shit..." he mutters to himself as he hastily puts out his cigarette. Sure, having to think about and let alone talk about Makoto was complicated for him but he'd gotten over it before and he could do it again. But you? In his daze, he'd forgotten to think about it might've affected you and that hurt him more than recollecting a dozen memories with Makoto ever would.

He rushes to the bed. "Oi, what gives?" Majima's voice is surprisingly docile. He can tell he's hurt you but how could he even begin to approach the issue? He couldn't lie and say Makoto DIDN'T matter to him at all but what could he actually say that would help?

He prods you again with the question, to which you sit up almost violently in bed, throwing the blanket down to Majima's surprise. Your eyes are red and your face is stained with tears. Even though just before you were trying to avoid his gaze, now you were staring straight into his soul. Majima just sits back nervously, eyes wide, as you let out an exasperated "Why am I even here?!".

Majima is stunned as he lets out a meek "Well, ain't it 'cuz we're a couple 'n all?" and immediately realizing how stupid he sounded. He was deflecting again, as he always did whenever Makoto was brought up. His statement only brings you further to tears as you blurt out the one thing you had been trying so desperately not to say: "Why the fuck am I here, Goro? Just to fill some Makoto shaped void in your life?"

Only now does he finally see the extent to which this has hurt you, to which it has driven between a wedge between the two of you. Immediately, he engulfs you in a hug as you cry. Majima knows he's no saint but damn if he could go back to when you first asked and make it all right, he would.

His gloved hands grip you tightly, his fingers pressing into your skin as you continue to sob, his mind flooded this time with memories of you: when you first met, when he first let his guard down around you, and when you accepted him so immediately and lovingly that he thought he was dreaming. How could he take all of that and turn it against you without a second thought?

When he finally speaks, his voice aches in a way you'd never heard before, his accent slipping slightly. "Hey... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... for hidin' this from you and... for only thinkin' 'bout myself. I thought I'd ruin all o' this by talkin' 'bout it... and turns out I'm ruining this instead by lettin' myself get so stuck in the past that I can't see what's right in goddamn frontta me."

Majima gently pulls you away as you sniffle in front of him. "Oi, look at me" he says as he gently lifts your chin. "My past... hell, all of me. Ya never once thought twice about stickin' by my side and I've been an ungrateful sonnova bitch. I know words can't make up for me bein' an oblivious ass, but I need ya to know this: my past, Makoto, all of it, knowing now it'd lead me here to ya, I wouldn't change a damn thing. And I'd go through it all again if it meant gettin' to be here with ya, here 'n now. None o' that matters to me anymore. You do."

You sniffle a few times before finally cracking a smile. "Ah, there we go. There's that cute lil' smile I love" Majima jokes as he pulls you in for a hug, this time smothering you in cuddles and kisses. "Hey, don't make me laugh, I'm supposed to be mad at you" you can't help but giggle. Majima kisses your forehead before laying down next to him, wiping away a few remnants of tears. "Sorry, can't help it. I just love seein' ya smile. Hell, I just love YOU."