#the ekg ruled out heart issues but it still really feels like heart issues

[arualmeow]

ougghhhh

[miracleonice87]

I’ll Take Care of You, part two

a Tyler Seguin fic

a/n: this one’s from Peyton’s perspective. back in the fall when I first started writing fics again, I wrote part one in first person, which I don’t really do anymore, but I’m keeping that consistent for this one. read part one here first if you haven’t already. 

tw: fainting, mention of miscarriage/loss of pregnancy/infertility/periods

“Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for this to occur with first pregnancies. It happens more often than you might think. It certainly doesn’t mean you won’t ever be able to have a baby. My rule of thumb is to let couples try to get pregnant again naturally for one year without any intervention. Then, if you’re still having difficulties, you can come back in and we can talk about other options.”

It had been eleven months since my doctor had spoken those words to Tyler and me following the miscarriage that had nearly broken us both.

Those eleven months had seen us try again and again each month with no success. I tracked my body temperature and ovulation cycle each and every day before even leaving bed. I’d completely removed alcohol and caffeine from my diet and monitored everything I put into my body, controlling every single factor I could possibly control.

And yet, on the thirteenth day — the unluckiest of days for multiple reasons — of each month, like clockwork, my period arrived. If Tyler was at home when it happened, I simply left the bathroom with a sorrowful shake of my head, curling into his waiting arms as he comforted me silently, holding me close, disappointment weighing heavily on us both. If he was on the road, I texted him only a “🔴” symbol, indicating that my monthly visitor had shown up unwelcome yet again. He replied each time with an, ”I’m sorry, sweetheart,” though he had nothing at all to apologize for.

My patience and determination, along with Tyler’s, were wearing thin. It was feeling more and more impossible to keep the faith — more and more unlikely that this would happen on its own.

I had all but given up hope.

But then...

The eleventh month arrived, and the thirteenth day of it came and went with no sign of my cycle. And then the fourteenth day. And then the fifteenth.

And with that, the smallest sliver of hope glimmered from out of the darkness in the depths of my heart.

But I wouldn’t allow myself to get too excited. With Tyler on a road trip to the East Coast, I barely slept those three nights, tossing and turning and wondering if I should take one of the numerous tests stuffed in the bathroom cabinet.

On the sixteenth, after Tyler had already left for morning skate, I decided it was time. Though I knew I couldn’t do it alone, I also couldn’t stomach the thought of waiting for Ty to return — let alone the thought of seeing his disappointment in the event of yet another negative test.

Thankfully, though, the sixteenth was a Friday — the day that Fanny, Klinger’s fiancée, and I had long ago set aside for morning yoga in my home gym. Fanny, now six months pregnant herself with her and John’s first baby, would arrive at 10 a.m., and I decided that that was as good a time as any to find out what was next for Ty and me — we would either finally start the family we’d always wanted, or it would be time for a different approach.

After greeting one another and stretching over small talk, Fanny carefully broached the topic that I had brought to her, heartbroken, so many times in the past year.

“So how have you been feeling?” she inquired gently from the mat next to mine, bending to the side for a new pose. “Are you on your cycle?”

From where I stood with my arms extended straight out, my face turned away from hers, I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and pondered what to say next.

“Well,” I began before clearing my throat, “That’s, um... I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

You pivoted to face Fanny, her pretty eyes now wide as saucers. Slowly, she stood up straight.

“Stop it,” Fanny whispered incredulously, joy etched in her expression.

I shrugged a bit. “I’m late,” I admitted softly. “But only by three days. And I haven’t taken a test-“

“Peyton!” Fanny warned through her giggles, hands finding her hips. “You have to!”

I smiled, appreciating my dear friend’s excitement for me while still feeling the familiar tightness of anxiety in my gut.

“I will,” I promised. “I seriously told myself I was gonna wait to do it while you were here. I couldn’t do it alone and I... if I’m not... well, I just can’t bear to see Ty’s reaction again…”

Fanny nodded solemnly. “Oh, sweetie. I understand,” she assured. “Maybe after we finish up? Or not. I mean, we can do it whenever you feel ready.”

I nodded, suddenly feeling overheated and attributing it to my frayed nerves.

“God, is it hot in here?” I asked, unzipping my lightweight jacket and throwing it aside, still fanning myself though I now wore only a sports bra and athletic shorts.

Fanny frowned, looking at my reflection in the mirrored wall in front of us. “No, I feel fine,” she said.

I tied my ponytail into a high bun to get the hair off my neck, noting a faint ringing in my ears as I placed my feet in position on the mat once more.

As I reached down for my toes, the ringing grew louder, and I suddenly saw stars in my vision.

With trembling hands, I wiped the sweat from my now-dripping brow and stood straight up, but apparently too quickly, as the room around me quickly fell from focus, darkness taking its place.

“Fan... I-I don’t feel good...”

Alarmed at the weakness of my voice, Fanny turned to face me and gasped.

“Babe, oh my god!” she exclaimed — the last thing I heard before everything faded to black.

_____

The next thing I heard as I came to was my husband’s voice, which sounded distant and faint. I moaned, squinting at the bright fluorescent lights above me as I realized that I was lying on my back on the floor, with Tyler’s face inches above mine. I opened my eyes slowly and heard him draw a deep breath, announcing, “She’s awake.”

I felt him cup my cheek tenderly as I offered a weak smile.

“Hi,” he breathed, relief heavy in his tone. “Hi, sweet girl. You scared us pretty good.”

“What happened?” I asked, confused by the hoarseness of my own voice. I moved to prop myself up on my elbows, but Tyler gently pushed my shoulders flat once more.

“Shh, shh, hey, don’t get up,” he instructed. “You passed out while you and Fanny were working out. Do you remember that?”

With a furrowed brow, I nodded. I saw Fanny standing behind Tyler, covering her lips with her fingers as she stared at me nervously.

“Oh god, Fan, I’m so sorry,” I murmured, still feeling weak and shaky.

Fanny shook her head and took a couple of steps forward, standing over Tyler’s shoulder. “Babe, no, don’t apologize,” she insisted. “I was just worried about you. Tyler came in the door just a minute after it happened but I had already called 911. I just didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry.”

I nodded, my eyes fluttering closed once more. “That’s okay,” I said softly.

Just then, there was a knock at the door upstairs, and Fanny hurried up the steps to answer it. I rolled my head to look at Tyler, who stared down at me with deep concern.

“You’re gonna be okay, baby,” he promised, pushing some hair from my still-damp forehead. “We’re gonna get you checked out and see what’s going on, okay?”

I nodded as I heard footsteps coming back down the stairs, and two paramedics followed Fanny to where I lay, still on my yoga mat.

“Hey there,” one of them smiled. “I’m Maria, and this is my partner, Chris. You’re Peyton?”

I nodded as Maria knelt beside me, opposite Tyler, with Chris placing a medic kit on the floor next to him.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Peyton,” Maria said kindly. “How are you feeling right now?”

I cleared my throat, attempting to blink the fog away.

“Not as bad as I did a few minutes ago,” I half-joked. “But I still feel shaky, and hot.”

Maria nodded, pressing the stethoscope to my chest.

“Can you tell me what you’ve had to eat and drink today?” she asked.

“Um... I had two cups of coffee, a yogurt... and some water during yoga,” I replied.

“Okay,” Maria said as Chris took my pulse, with Tyler holding tight to my other hand and watching their every move. “Any history of fainting before this?”

I shook my head. “No, never,” I said.

“Any blood sugar issues? Diabetes, hypoglycemia?”

“No, nothing.”

“Are you currently on your period?”

My cheeks warmed. This certainly wasn’t the way I had planned to tell Tyler of our latest development.

“Um, n-no,” I admitted sheepishly, glancing at him. I could see the wheels beginning to turn in his mind even as he watched the paramedics instead of me.

“Any chance you could be pregnant?” Maria asked gently as she folded her stethoscope into her bag and reached for a blood pressure cuff.

Shit.

“Uh… actually, yeah.”

Immediately, Tyler’s head snapped toward me.

“Wait, what? Really?” he inquired, joy exuding from his whole being.

I simply shrugged, beaming. “I’m late.”

A small, knowing smile crossed Maria’s face. She wrapped the cuff around my arm and began to squeeze the pump.

“Okay, well, that could be the reason,” Maria noted. “Sometimes when you’re early in a pregnancy, your body might not be getting all the extra rest and nutrients and hydration it needs. It happens sometimes, and often, it’s no big deal.”

I nodded, reaching for Tyler’s hand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I said with a scrunched nose. “I just didn’t want to get my hopes up, let alone yours.”

Tyler brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

“It’s okay,” he told me with a shake of his head. “I get it.”

I smiled gratefully, and Maria removed the cuff from my arm.

“Your blood pressure is a little low, which doesn’t surprise me,” she said. “Again, this can happen. Just to be safe, I wanna take you to the hospital for an EKG and monitor you for a bit, and we’ll do a pregnancy test there too, okay?”

I nodded, looking to Tyler for reassurance.

“It’s okay,” he said, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. “I’ll be right there with you.”

_____

One ambulance ride later, with Tyler beside me and Fanny following behind in my car, I had arrived at the emergency department and was being poked and prodded and hooked up to a plethora of monitors. A cardiologist soon confirmed that everything was fine with my heart, and my pregnancy test was then the only result that hung in the balance.

I sat propped up on pillows in the hospital bed, Tyler standing at my side as we waited in silence.

Out of nowhere, tears formed in my eyes, and I tried to swipe at them without Tyler noticing — a futile attempt. When he heard my faint whimper, he stepped closer and gathered me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.

“Hey, hey,” he spoke softly. “What is it, baby?”

“I’m scared, Ty,” I whispered, head buried in his chest. “Whether it’s positive or negative. I’m just scared.”

“I know, babe,” he replied, slowly caressing my back. “It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared, too. You’ve been through hell.”

“We’ve been through hell,” I corrected, sniffling as I looked up at him. Tyler nodded and smoothed his thumb along my jaw.

“We just have to believe that everything is gonna work out this time,” he told me as he kissed my forehead. “Good things are coming, Peyt. I can feel it.”

After several more minutes, my nurse, a sweet woman named Beth who spoke with a thick Texas accent, entered the room holding my chart. I could actually hear my own heartbeat in my ears, this time not because I felt faint, but because I was overwhelmed with anticipation.

“Well, Miss Peyton…” Beth began with a smile. “Congratulations. You’re gonna be a mama.”

I let out a sob and covered my mouth with my hand immediately, and Tyler choked out a breathless laugh. His hands grasped my face as he kissed me firmly.

“You hear that? We’re having a baby,” he whispered, eyes glossy with tears. “God, I love you so much.”

I giggled excitedly. “I love you, too, baby daddy,” I replied, causing Tyler to chuckle, too.

As Beth looked on with a grin, she wrote a few things down on my chart, then said, “Congratulations, you two. I’ll give you some privacy. Peyton, honey, we’ll be back around to check on you in about half an hour, okay?”

I nodded, tears streaking my face. “Yes, yes, thank you,” I spoke. “Thank you so much.”

With a kind nod, she left the room, pulling the sliding glass door closed behind her.

Before the door was even shut, Tyler’s lips found mine once more, his fingers holding my cheeks reverently. Eventually, I pulled away for a breath.

“You were right,” I told him, nudging his nose with mine.

Still completely giddy, he asked with a smile, “What was I right about?”

I reached a hand up to work my fingers through his curls. “You told me good things are coming,” I reminded, voice quivering. “You were right.”

Tyler was overcome with emotion once again and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. For the longest time, we stayed that way, embracing with only the sounds of soft, happy cries filling the room.

_____

eight months later...

“Are you the most handsome little man in the whole wide world? Hmm? I think so,” Tyler spoke to the tiny baby he held in his arms. “I think you’re just the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.”

I smiled from my hospital bed, feeling more exhausted and more in love than I ever knew I was capable of.

“And it’s a good thing you look like your mommy,” Tyler added, smirking at me before kissing the baby’s forehead — our baby’s forehead. “Uncle Jamie is gonna say that too. Yes, he is. I might as well beat him to it, huh?”

I chuckled, patting the mattress beneath me and gesturing for Tyler to join me.

“Bring him back over here,” I pleaded. “I miss him already.”

Tyler hummed knowingly and rose from his chair, carefully cradling the baby in his arms.

“I know,” he said. “I miss him, too, and I’m literally holding him. How is that possible?”

I smiled. “Because having kids means your heart walks around outside of your body,” I spoke, kissing our boy’s chubby cheek as Tyler took his place on my bed. “That’s what my grandmother used to say.”

He nodded. “You’re damn right,” he said, shaking his head. “I feel it already. I never knew it was possible to feel this way, Peyt. As bad as we wanted a baby, as much as it hurt when we lost the first one...” Tyler choked up as he spoke of the loss we’d experienced now almost two years ago. After a pause, he continued. “I still just never thought it would feel this incredible.”

I curled my hands around his arm and kissed his bicep. “Me either,” I admitted airily. “I’ll never forget the pain we felt then. And that baby will always be our first. But this... this is the best day of my life.”

Tyler beamed, wrapping one arm around my waist while cradling the baby to his chest with his other.

“So, are we decided on this little man’s name?” Tyler asked as I touched the baby’s pouted lips, making us both giggled at his expression.

“I think so,” I confirmed, leaning my head against his shoulder. “Are you still thinking what I’m thinking?”

Tyler looked down at me with hooded eyes, full of adoration, and nodded. “If you’re sure,” he spoke.

I’d been sure for a few months now, since the first day that I allowed myself to browse a baby name book, still riddled with fear of the unknown, while also waiting expectantly and with hope for our new journey ahead. I didn’t get far, only to the B’s, when I found the perfect name... one that meant blessed. 

As I peered down at the boy in my arms, no name seemed more fitting than that one I’d whispered into being long ago. 

“I’m sure,” I replied confidently. I cradled the baby’s head in my hand and pressed my lips to his forehead. “Welcome to our world, Bennett Tyler Seguin,” I whispered, overjoyed and humbled to finally have the privilege of having a son to name not only for his daddy, but also for the precious, long-awaited gift he was to us.

“Our boy,” Tyler whispered reverently.

[doberbutts]

Hi! Wondering if I can take you up on the offer in that dysautonomia post.

I’ve been feeling randomly more tired than it feels like I should, but I think it’s not general deconditioning? Showers can wipe me out for a few hours and a shower chair is helpful - but I can walk for miles and afaict even a 5 mile hike drained my mental energy before obvious physical exhaustion (noticeably worse executive function and sensory/emotional tolerance but only normal muscle fatigue). Medically, been trying to sort out high hgb/hct that isn’t going down that much with T dose, and also night sweats at least a few times a week, and also I can be lying down to nap with my heart rate over 100 and it only comes down slowly. Can’t freaking tell what’s ptsd triggers, what’s other stress/anxiety, what’s maybe autistic burnout/sensory management taking much more energy than I expect, what’s needing to eat more consistently, what might be sleep issues, what’s effects of hormone levels, or what might be something else. I’m waiting for a sleep study to try to rule out sleep issues. I would really appreciate any pointers if any of this sounds like it might point a particular direction or if other tests might be useful.

Sadly that could be a lot of things, and I definitely think a sleep study is a good way to start. Making sure to manage your food and water intake, fixing your sleep schedule, taking care to be kind to yourself during episodes, those are a good place to start. No, I'm not saying that that will completely fix your problems, but any doctor that knows about POTS that does end up diagnosing you [if you have it] will tell you to do these things anyway. This is why I have been slowly attempting to unfuck my life.

If all of these things don't seem to be helping and the sleep study reveals nothing, the next thing I'd do is buy a cheap blood pressure monitor and see if you can have an actual record of your heart rate and blood pressure before, during, and after these episodes if possible. Something that records the output, or take a photo of the readings so you can show them to your doctor. Personally being a child of diabetics I also recommend buying a cheap glucose test kit to see if your sugar levels are doing anything funky during these times as well. Try to keep a journal of time of day, what you were doing just prior, and the readings you're acquiring to see if someone can point out a pattern.

A really easy way to see if there's a cause for pushing for specific testing is to go from seated to standing at your usual pace. If you are an otherwise healthy person and your heart rate jumps more than 30 bpm there is a pretty good indication that something interesting is happening inside of you that shouldn't be. If you also notice a big spike or drop in your blood pressure when initially standing or after standing still for a long period, that's another clue.

If you unfuck these areas of your life AND are getting concerning readings with little to no improvement on symptoms, it's time to look deeper. Most cardiologists will do a 24hr holtor, an EKG, a tilt table test, and/or a stress test, though the tilt table test is the one that really tends to seal the deal. However with some of your symptoms, I would honestly not be surprised to hear your doctors wanting the sleep study and probably an EEG to rule out things like sleep disorders or epilepsy as there can be some overlap.

It does take the average patient 8 years for a diagnosis- it took me less the first time around because of my family history, but the second time around took more like a year and a half due to comorbidities and I literally almost died. A friend of mine got really jerked around by her doctors for close to 6 months before someone was willing to run a tilt table test and almost instantly diagnosed her the second she fainted during the test. Another friend was told she was being a ridiculous germaphobe while her doctor ordered the test despite having a known dx of something commonly associated with POTS and again she was still diagnosed almost instantly during her tilt table. A third friend keeps getting 'hmm maybe' 'no' 'totally healthyl 'yes?' 'okay well that's weird' when he asks for a tilt table and they refused to give it to him despite picking up arrhythmias during his holtor and EKG- it's been a year and he's still arguing with the doctors to get a tilt table. Unfortunately many doctors simply aren't trained in autonomic disorders or in autoimmune disorders, and POTS is both. It can be very difficult to find someone willing to listen to you.

If you do all of these things and land on 🤷‍♂️, a lot of times it's things like fibro or MS, and the knowledge gained from these tests will help find a diagnosis of whatever-it-is affecting you.

[social-buttface]

I also want to chime in a bit of my own experience. I’m a white cis female who has ADHD, clearly coming from my mother and both bio grandmothers, and maternal grandfather, so I was always predisposed to it. However I was only diagnosed with depression as a child, at 8, and was put on a cocktail of SSRIs from ages 11-18 when I quit cold turkey in college, because my dad was no longer there to help me remember to take them. Lost a ton of weight and had pretty severe withdrawal symptoms (my roommate was scared for me, as I was throwing up from the shakes and anxiety every day).

About a year later I started to realize I have ADHD due to posts like these, and began pushing for a diagnosis. However, at first they didn’t want to diagnose me, because I’m moderately-severely hard of hearing & have been my whole life, so it was too much of a “confounding variable” for the first therapist I had. The second therapist, however, actually listened to me, and nearly diagnosed me just based on the ping-pongy way I was describing my symptoms to her. I got a diagnosis test from her 3 months later (that was as often as I could get an appointment; I’ve since given up). She concluded I did indeed have inattentive type ADHD with some symptoms of the hyperactive type (fidgeting, rambling). She instructed me that I had to get a drug test & an EKG before I could be approved for medication.

An avid weed consumer as a way of self-medicating (although it only makes my symptoms worse, but, y’know, it feels good so I did it a *lot*) I had to go cold turkey off weed for like a month. Got the pee test. Passed. Time for the EKG!

A couple weeks after the EKG I got a call from my physician. She noticed an unusual pattern in my heart’s electrical impulses, indicative of WPW (Wolff-Parkinson-White) Syndrome, in which I essentially have an extra nerve in my heart that causes palpitations & lightheadedness and even fainting (“Oh…so THAT’S what all that was about my whole life.”) I’d told my parents and doctors of these symptoms since I was a child and all they said was “You’re overweight, lose weight and it will fix it.” Well it turns out losing weight would do nothing and “fixing it” involves invasive heart surgery where they burn off that extra nerve. Might get it in the future, because:

This *new* diagnosis rules me out of being eligible to do what I was trying to do in the first place, which is get medication! On top of that I am already registered in the system as having nicotine and weed addiction/dependency issues, which I was trying to get help with during quarantine, and am now regretting because it will only be used against me. So not only did they not want to diagnose me at first because i’m HOH, but now they won’t/can’t give me medication because they think I’ll abuse it and i that it will cause a heart attack.

So I drink coffee every day & am looking into caffeine pills. It’s the only thing that helps me focus at all. I also still have an incredibly difficult time not smoking weed/nicotine when it is available to me, because it provides temporary relief and my impulses are stronger than the knowledge in my head. I know weed makes my symptoms worse and makes me uncontrollably anxious half the time, and I know nicotine will give me cancer. It breaks my partner’s heart when they see me smoking, and they’ve told me to stop, and I’ve agreed and intended to stop, but every time it is available I do it again. It’s even worse since I’m now 21. I should exercise, but WPW makes it pretty painful for me to do so at times (cardio, anyway). Besides, ever since I was put on SSRIs as a child I gained a lot of weight at it has stayed with me, even as an adult and with the withdrawal weight loss. My skin is loose and hangs down. So it’s difficult to exercise with all my body fat swinging around. I like my belly and boobs but they makes things hard sometimes. It sucks! It really fucking sucks and all I ever wanted was to be taken seriously as a child and maybe this all could have been prevented.

anyways can we start recognizing adhd as an actual and serious disorder that

can affect on functioning in every day life so badly that it interferes with taking care of very basic human needs

is not 10 yrs old white boy exclusive disorder

is not a fake disorder created to benefit medicine companies

definitely should not be reduced to “kid who cant sit still and wont stop screaming” stereotypes because adhd has a whole fuckton of symptoms ranging from serious memory issues to fine motor control difficulties

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Major Crimes-Santuary City Pt. 4

So, I loved this episode. I’ve never watched  an MC episode more than I have this one—except I just skip over the case stuff. And I’ve probably watched the bedroom scene over fifty times.

Am I happy that Sharon ended up having a physical ailment as I’d thought? No. I think there were a lot more interesting storylines that could have showcased Mary’s talent. But I am glad that it is something that could clear up on its own. I’d be feeling a lot better about it if it weren’t for the “setback” in a future episode. I really, really hope it isn’t something serious. I don’t want to spend the whole last season worrying about Sharon’s health. That said, I am happy that we finally had something that was entirely focused on Sharon and Sharon and Andy’s relationship. Sharon even told Andy BEFORE Rusty and they had a full conversation about what it meant to each of them and about their relationship and the wedding, without anything diverting them away and without Rusty popping in and interrupting. I LOVED that. More please.

Before I move into the serious stuff, I just wanted to comment on how beautiful Andy and Sharon looked in this episode. I mean they always look gorgeous, but in this episode…Mmm… Andy in the hospital with his tie undone and the suspenders. In the condo casual in his light purple sweater from last season. The bedroom scene-So sexy and so much better in the pajama pants and t-shirt compared to season 4 in the full pajama’s that I just couldn’t see Andy wearing to bed. Sharon, looking so beautiful only 24 hours after her collapse. In the bedroom in the lovely, very feminine silk nightgown and cashmere bathrobe, and the red polka dot blouse and perfect hair. Also, loved the matching Shandy in purple, lots of purple, because after all, it’s their “love” color and there was a lot of love in this episode

Everything was damn near perfect.

For those interested in the case, you might not want to bother continuing as the case barely registered for me. I like the idea of the three and five part story arcs, but this storyline just isn’t strong enough to play out over five episodes. It needs to be more exciting—going after a serial killer or a terrorist or something. This one could have been a 3- parter. But I didn’t really care, because I was only in it for the personal stuff anyway.

So, here we go…You might want to grab a drink and sit back because this is a LONG one.

“Sharon, Sharon can you hear me? Sharon you fainted. Are you okay?”

I was shocked, in a good way, to see that this episode began right where the previous one ended. I had not expected that because we’ve never been given that before. (Think Andy’s heart attack)

The sound of a heartbeat as the episode began was rather ominous and should have been a clue that we were dealing with a heart issue here. Just never saw that coming, Sharon’s symptoms all had to do with vision.

Interesting that when we saw Sharon collapse she was falling back into a shocked Provenza’s arms, but when the episode begins, it is Mike who is holding her head and Provenza is hovering behind Andy’s shoulder clearly freaked out by seeing Sharon down. Later we hear that Sharon hit her head when she fell. Did a shocked Provenza drop her? Not surprised that Mike jumped in to stabilize her head and neck. I wondered how Andy would handle this, but he’s a cop, he knows he has to keep the injured or sick person calm and that is exactly what he’s doing. This is especially important when Sharon wakes up. She’s scared and confused and can’t even speak so for him to be freaking out would not help her. He needed to be reassuring, and he was. The one thing that surprised me was that he wasn’t touching her, stroking her hand or her shoulder. Sharon was all over him when he collapsed. I also think that Andy was pretty convinced that she fainted because of complications from the flu--not anything serious. I’m somewhat surprised the Paramedics didn’t assess her more for a stroke or heart attack.

“Hurry, hurry, dammit, hurry.”

Andy may not be freaked out, but everyone else is and I LOVE it. Sykes is barely holding it together, her voice shaking as she tells the paramedics where Sharon is and as soon as Provenza sees them he starts barking at them to get moving. Everyone else is just kind of standing around in shock.

“What’s her name?” “Commander…Sharon, her name is Sharon.”

I think this simple statement was significant for the following reasons: 1.     Mason is so shaken he doesn’t realize they are asking about her personally not professionally. 2.    Mason is still an outsider amongst this family. To him, she is Commander, but to most of the others standing around, she is Sharon. She is family. 3.    This episode is going to be about “Sharon” not about the Commander. She is referred to continually throughout the episode as Sharon. It’s about damn time.

“Get in your car and lead this ambulance. Three sets of sirens are better than one. I’m leaving with her.”

Okay, now Andy is getting a little worked up, willing to use whatever means he has at his disposal to get his lady the help that she needs. No one questions him. Andy is a man of action. When Sharon went down, he felt helpless and unsure what to do, but now that there is action involved to get her to the hospital, he comes to life and takes charge. This is the Andy we know and love, from tender to tough in a matter of minutes.

“Then get the hell out of our murder room. Oh, do you need a hand? Let me help.”

Provenza throwing the FBI’s box on the floor is about as out of control as I have ever seen him in 13 years. He’s really upset about Sharon and those agents are bearing the brunt of it because he is convinced that Sharon collapsed because of them.

“Chief Mason, I want these bastards out of our murder room, right now.” “Lieutenant, come on.”

So sweet that it is Amy who goes to him to lead him away. She can see that Provenza is really upset and not in control of himself and moves to get him to step away and calm down.

“If the lieutenant wants you lying sons of bitches out of here, that’s what will happen.”

I love how they all come together here as a family, circling the wagons and taking care of each other. I’ve always felt that Provenza was a fatherly figure for Sharon, even if he’s only 10-15 years older than she is. He’s upset that his daughter has collapsed and his other children--Amy and Julio-- are right there to help him calm down and deal with it. Mason, the new in law is watching all this family drama and isn’t quite sure how to handle it.

“Special Agents Vega, Fay, my office please.”

Oh, the way Provenza looks at the floor where Sharon collapsed, then up at Mason. You can almost hear him saying, “Look what those bastards did, you better deal with them.” It’s that look that finally snaps Mason into action to try to regain a little control.

“Okay, so what do we do now?”

I love how the whole room just turned into a mass of chaos and drama the minute their leader went down. If it had been anyone else that had gone done, Sharon immediately would have taken control and calmed everyone, but without her there everything kind of falls apart. And now they are all just standing around morosely unsure what to do now.

“We hope that Sharon is just dehydrated or exhausted.”

This is one of the few times that Provenza uses Sharon’s name rather than her rank, especially at work. In this moment she is far more to him than the “Commander” she is Sharon, a person for whom he now cares very deeply. As many have said, they have sure come a long way.

“Sir, I know this is hard, but please wait out here while we help her.” “I’m her husband.” “Okay, sorry but we don’t allow family…” “Also, I have one of these.”

Oh how I loved this moment. It was SO fanfic. There was no way Andy was letting Sharon go into that emergency room alone and if that meant pushing his badge in someone’s face, so be it. I’d love to see what would have happened if someone had tried to physically restrain him. Wasn’t happening.

“It was outrageous and unprofessional and probably contributed to the collapse of Sharon Raydor.”

Again, not “Commander Raydor” Sharon Raydor. Provenza is definitely still upset about Sharon and pissed as hell with the FBI and he doesn’t care who Mason is, he’s letting him have it. Provenza doesn’t do well with change at all, he gave Brenda a hard time when she took over, then he gave Sharon a hard time, he was tough on Fritz and now he’s been tough on Mason even before Sharon collapsed.

“They already did an EKG or an EEG or maybe both and an MRI” “All of that for the flu? “ “The doctor said it was standard.”

Oh, the fear on Rusty’s face. He already sounds shaken but when Provenza says that it really throws him and makes him start to worry that Sharon’s problem is more serious than it is. Provenza sees it too and immediately starts backpedaling making wisecracks about them taking advantage of Sharon’s good insurance, because that’s what good granddads do.

“Lieutenant you didn’t need to come all the way down here.” “Oh Commander you certainly seem to be better than the last time I saw you.”

Aww…Provenza’s little wave when he comes in and his obvious relief at seeing Sharon sitting up and looking…well I was going to say well …but she looked freaking gorgeous.

And how about Andy. This is supposed to be 24 hours later and he’s wearing the same clothes. Aww…the guy stayed with her all night. Now that is love.

“No, we’re waiting for the doctor. “To tell us what we already know. She had the flu, she works too much and she needed some rest.”

Oh, Andy sweetheart. He really NEEDS that to be true because he can’t even contemplate the idea that there is something really wrong with his ladylove. Also, that response was taken right out of the Bill Adama book of denial.

“Well, maybe I can get back before you talk to them.” “Oh my God, Mom.” “Sharon you’ll need physician to sign off on whether you can go back to work or not because, them’s the rules.” “The rules, Mom, THE RULES.”

Dad and son ganging up on mom and using her own words against her. And the little sneer Sharon gives them. What a great comedic moment amongst all the drama. Andy must have particularly enjoyed that moment because between his blood clot and the heart attack and given his drive to get back to work I’m sure she was constantly reminding him of that.

“I’m her son.” “I’m her husband…almost.”

Oh, the melting look Sharon gives him when he says this. She loves that sweet goofball and is not having second thoughts about marrying him.

“And I’m her esteemed colleague.”

Of course Provenza had to add the “esteemed.”

“Colleagues are definitely leaving, children are leaving and unmarried partners are also leaving.”

Andy pulling out his badge again with the “yeah yeah yeah, I’m not going anywhere look” only to be asked, “You want me to hold that for you while you wait outside?”

Andy took it better this time and didn’t push it, but I loved the sweet little squeeze he gave Sharon’s foot before he left the room. One thing that surprised me with this scene is the doctor arbitrarily making everyone leave. He was about to deliver some scary news to Sharon, you’d think he would have asked her if she wanted Andy to remain with her. A lot of times when doctor’s have to give a diagnosis like this they actually want to have family members present, for emotional support and also as an advocate, because the patient is obviously going to be pretty emotional about what they are being told and may not even remember half of what the doctor said. Or may focus on the negative etc. I’m not going to quibble about this though, because Sharon is so private I think she would have asked to be alone anyway and it did make for an amazing scene between her and Andy later.

“What I’m going to tell you is initially going to sound upsetting.”

Oh man, here comes the freaking ax, was exactly what was going through my mind when the doctor said this.

“But we have ways of dealing with this problem and we’ve caught it so soon that I think no matter what, you’ll end up in a good place.”

Okay, so I can breathe again. Whatever she has is survivable. And it sounds like no matter what happens things will end well for her. No diloxin…oops chemo, no losing her hair…I can handle that. But what I couldn’t handle was the look on Sharon’s face. She’s so scared and there are tears in her eyes. Oh honey, Andy should be there at your side holding your hand.

Next came some interviews with the boys which really for me ended up being just a bunch of “blah blah blah” who cares, get me back to Sharon in that hospital. I NEED to know what is wrong with her! Honestly, it was more annoying than anything, because it was just an interruption for what I really wanted to be watching.

“Sharon, the doctor wanted you to rest.” “I’m home, I’m sitting.”

Oh Sharon, your Andy is showing.

How sweet that Buzz came over to brief her.

Andy is in the light purple sweater again!

Andy the watchdog, looking from Sharon to his watch frustrated that she isn’t wrapping things up when she is supposed to be resting and the exasperated looks between Andy and Rusty. They have their hands full with Sharon. Funny that Sharon “Andy you’re supposed to be resting” Raydor clearly does not take her own advice. And now Andy knows what it feels like to be on the other side of this little scenario.

The  fist bump between Buzz and Andy as Buzz leaves, I feel like Buzz was trying to buck Andy up.

The condo looks beautiful with all Sharon’s hospital flowers everywhere.

“And then can you tell me what the doctor said about everything.” “Yes, everything.”

She smiles at him but when she looks down at the computer her smile fades and we can see the tension. This is not a conversation she wants to have. And Andy, oh my heart, the way he looks at her and his little sigh. He’s scared as hell now--because if it had just been the flu, Sharon would have said so. Something is wrong.

Andy has learned a lot in his relationship with Sharon. He really knows who she is. He knows that he can’t push her or invade her space. That she needs to have the time to wrap her mind around things before she can express herself. She’s not impulsive like he is. And this has to be hard for him because it goes against who he is. Andy is not a patient man, he’s the kind of guy that wants to push himself into situations, but he doesn’t do that with Sharon and he hasn‘t done that with her throughout their relationship. He allows her the space that she needs to come to terms with things and when he does push her it is a gentle nudge. One of the things I love so much about Andy is that he can be such a tough hard ass, but with Sharon, he is so sweet, gentle, and patient.

When we first saw Sharon and Andy in the condo in this scene my first thought was that the doctor told her what was wrong with her, she told Andy, and we weren’t going to get to see any of that. Because that’s the way this show usually goes. All the important things take place off screen. BUT NOT THIS TIME!

When we come back, an emotional Sharon is staring at herself in the mirror without her glasses on. This scene was pretty shocking and did not at all feel like “Major Crimes” (that is NOT a bad thing) because we’ve never gotten the opportunity to see anything so personal with Sharon. In fact, with the pale robe on when the camera pans out, for a moment I thought she was standing there naked. From the look on her face and the tears in her eyes, despite the doctor’s optimistic prognosis, we can see that whatever she has, it is serious.

What was she thinking? I think she is afraid. She’s emotional about her diagnosis and how Andy is going to handle it. And she’s afraid of losing him. What if it’s too much for him? Also, by telling someone it makes it real.

“Are you done, cause I’m getting more stressed by the second?”

Poor Andy, he’s sitting in the bedroom on pins and needles and finally calls out to her expressing his worry. That gets Sharon’s attention. The last thing she wants is for Andy’s blood pressure to go through the roof and she knows that it’s time. He’s been very patient and it really hasn’t been fair for her to take so long to let him know what is happening. As she makes her way to him, she puts her glasses back on. I think she is using them as a way of keeping control of her emotions, sort of like a shield.

“I have something called cardiomyopathy.” “Well, that’s kind of a broad term. I mean it could be nothing, right?”

Oh Andy, your Bill Adama is really showing again. He desperately does not want to believe that there is anything wrong with Sharon.

“Well, it’s not nothing.”

And there is Sharon’s Laura Roslin, trying to bring some reality into the situation.

“If things get worse there are other steps. There’s surgery, um transplant.”” “Transplant!”

Okay, so now she has thoroughly freaked Andy out. Why did she bring up the transplant? If the following looks familiar to any of you, it’s because it was in my response to @themagicm and her very insightful pod cast. If you haven’t listened to it, you should really check it out. Anyway, this is my take on it.

Sharon is a very honest person and she is trying to lay everything out on the table. She doesn’t want to hide anything from him even if it freaks him out. I also think the idea of a transplant scares the hell out of her so by listing it up there as one of the many options, it takes away the scare value. It’s just another option. But Andy is hearing it for the first time and is reacting probably the way Sharon did when the doctor talked to her.

Also, I think it ties in to her past and Jack, and Andy’s personality. Sharon has been alone for a long time, dealing with things on her own with no one to share her burdens. She has finally begun to trust that she has that someone in Andy and then this happens and she starts to wonder if he’s really going to be up to sticking it out with her if it gets bad, or will he cut and run which was Jack’s modus operandi. She’d rather know now, rather than have it happen after they get married when it will only break her heart even more. Also, she knows Andy. He is already in a bit of denial, trying to brush it off saying it could be nothing and she needs him to know that it isn’t nothing and that it could get very bad and she wants to be completely upfront about that and make sure he truly understands what might happen before he makes any promises or vows.

“Until I know more, I think we should postpone the wedding.  It’s not fair to you.” “Absolutely not. You think I’d let anything get in the way of becoming your husband.”

Oh wow, the way their voices break and then Andy’s quick and firm response.

From the moment Duff said that Sharon was going to try to call off the wedding, I knew it wasn’t going to be because she got cold feet or changed her mind or anything. I always felt the only thing that would cause her to do this would be an illness and that she would be doing it because she didn’t want to be some kind of burden to Andy. Then with this case and her issues with the church, I started to wonder if her wanting to call it off had to do with her possibly no longer wanting to marry in the church, but I never thought it would be about her changing her mind. It took Sharon a long time to admit that she and Andy were more than friends, she had to think about dating him, about sleeping with him, about moving in with him, but by the time he asked her to marry him, she didn’t have to think about it anymore. She knew exactly what she wanted and if she’d had any reservations she would have had no qualms telling Andy she had to think about it, but instead she said yes right away.

I also believe her when she says she wants to postpone the wedding, remember she never said cancel, just postpone, because she feels it isn’t fair to Andy to get married without knowing exactly where she is with this illness. She wants him to know exactly what he is signing on for and to be able to have time to process all this and make sure she is still the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with given what could happen. I think it will take a long time for the specter of Jack and his disappearances to work their way out of Sharon’s psyche.

“I want you to think about this, just for a second.” “I don’t need a second.”

Sharon knows her honey well. She knows Andy is impulsive and he doesn’t always think things through. She wants him to really think about this and see if being with her is still what he wants. But Andy doesn’t need a second because it simply doesn’t matter. Whatever happens to her in the future he is already 100% committed to her. The ceremony and the marriage certificate are just formalities, the icing on the cake. As he said earlier in the episode, “I’m her husband.”

“I never told you this. But when I was sick and you helped me through it. No one’s ever treated me that well.”

That statement right there and the way he said it,  just broke my heart. What kind of people have been in his life that he was never treated as well as Sharon treated him when he was recovering.  I’ve gone into this quite in depth in another post but this is something I’d love, love, love to have explored. Here we are 13 seasons into the character of Andy Flynn and we still know so precious little about him. I’d love to have more on this, but given that it’s the last season, I’m sure this is the last we’ll hear of it. But really, this could have been an interesting storyline to run during that time of his recovery while he was staying with Sharon. Something that would have been personal to THEM as a couple and something to give us more insight into Andy’s past. So, so, many missed opportunities. There are times I’d like to just wring Duff’s neck.

“I don’t know if I deserve it and I don’t know why you care about me but it’s all I can do right now to wait until the ceremony…to call you my wife and to be your husband. And if we’re not gonna let my heart get in the way of that, then we’re not gonna let yours stop us either.”

This is exactly what Sharon needed to hear. Andy isn’t saying he still wants to marry her because it’s the right thing to do or out of some sense of obligation. No, he lets her know that he is so eager to marry her he feels like he can’t wait for the ceremony to happen so he can start calling her his wife and so he will be her husband. Also, he reminds her that he has some issues with his ticker too and she could have had second thoughts about that, but she didn’t and he doesn’t.

So after all this time, Andy still doesn’t know if he deserves Sharon or why she cares about him so much and Sharon doesn’t know if Andy will still want to marry her knowing where her condition might lead them. For two people as confident as they are at work, they have personal pasts that make them rather insecure in the relationship department.

I really like the idea of them marrying before Sharon has a full diagnosis because that is really a leap of faith--which is what this part of the season is supposed to be about. Faith. Faith that Sharon will be okay, faith that Andy won‘t walk away if the going gets tough, faith that if things aren’t okay they can handle it together.

“The only change we’re gonna make is no honeymoon. We don’t go to Ireland until we know exactly what you’re up against.”

Love that an O’Dwyer and a Flynn had chosen to follow their roots back to Ireland. While personality wise Sharon and Andy are very different people, they do share certain roots. They are both Irish, both Catholic and they’ve both chosen to enforce justice as a profession.

I’d wondered if Sharon and Andy having a honeymoon was just going to be ignored, if they would say they were just going away for a few days, or if they would have to cancel a honeymoon because of the case, because I was damn sure we weren’t going to get to see the honeymoon. I’m glad they were planning a big honeymoon, just as I am glad they are doing the big church wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen, and Sharon in a long formal gown. Just because it’s a second marriage doesn’t mean that it means less and that you shouldn’t make it as meaningful or as much of a celebration as a first wedding, especially considering how long Sharon and Andy have been alone.

Last, the look on Sharon’s face when he says this. She understands that it has to happen, but she looks very disappointed. I love that she was looking forward to the honeymoon. It was always harder to read Sharon in this relationship, compared to Andy whom we know was in love with her for a very long time. So it’s nice to see how much all this means to her.

“Unless y…you changed your mind about us? Have you changed your mind about us?”

Oh Andy, you are continuing to break my heart. It goes back to that, “I don’t know if I deserve you” He’s so worried and unsure. It’s as if he still can’t believe that Sharon really wants to marry him.

And then the best moment ever.

“No…Andy…No.”

Oh, Sharon’s starting to cry. Her voice is so broken up she doesn’t even get a full “Andy” out. Not marrying Andy is the last thing she wants. She was only offering him an out and I think was probably very scared he would accept it. Pragmatically she would have understood, but I think it would have broken her heart.

“I love you so….SO much”

Not only did we FINALLY get an I love you, we got a heartfelt, emotional, broken, I love you so SO much. In a way, it seemed almost strange to hear her say this because we’ve never gotten a real heartfelt emotional scene between them. We’ve never heard them talking about personal things or about their relationship and certainly not about how much they love one another, so to hear Sharon say it this way, coming from the depths of her heart was really quite something. And I’m glad that Sharon was the one to say it. Andy’s actions have spoken of his love for her for several years; it was harder to know where Sharon stood. We needed to hear it and hear it that emotionally from her.

Also, in another BSG parallel, Sharon’s I love you was very much like Laura’s choked up I love you to Adama. The only difference was that when Laura did it, it didn’t feel as strange as Sharon’s (strange but amazing). We had gotten so many more intimate scenes with Laura and Bill than we have had with Sharon and Andy, even though Sharon and Andy are just about to be married. How strange is that?

“As long as you understand what I am dealing with here.” “What we’re dealing with, okay? “Okay.”

There were so many things I loved in this scene but Andy stressing the WE’RE dealing with, and the way Sharon sniffs and smiles “Okay” was one of my favorites. You can already see that Sharon is feeling better at Andy’s strong and adamant response. Imagine if she had to go through this alone, or just with Rusty. She would always have to be the strong one, reassuring Rusty, as happens later. With Andy, she can express her fears and be vulnerable. She can allow HIM to help her be strong and to help carry her burden. With Andy, she is not alone.

And then Andy, being Andy, he makes her laugh through her tears by reminding her of the doctor kicking him out of her room before he tells her he wants her to try to remember word for word what the doctor said so he can know exactly what they are up against. Sharon’s never had someone at her side helping her through things, and it made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside and I think it really warmed Sharon too. You could just see the relief on her face. Andy isn’t going anywhere, Andy is going to make her laugh and feel better about things, and he is going to stand by her side and help her through this.

Last, I just wanted to comment on the vulnerability of this whole scene. Andy opening up about never having been treated as well as Sharon treats him and Sharon, oh my goodness, Sharon. We’ve seen Andy vulnerable before but we’ve never seen Sharon vulnerable and it was a beautiful thing to witness. People often equate weakness with vulnerability but that just isn’t the case. There was strength in Sharon’s vulnerability and openness that I’ve never seen in her before. And Mary played it beautifully. That last moment when the camera focuses on her face her eyes are filled with that aching vulnerability,  and it brought me to renewed tears.

The only thing missing was some kind of physical contact, a hug, or Andy pulling her over to sit beside him on the bed and taking her in his arms, or even him just cupping a hand over her cheek and wiping away a tear. Anything. I loved the scene but I just think it called for something physical.

“I’m worried that with the Commander out sick there isn’t a real plan here.” “I find that offensive, Hobbs. I’ve been a detective for over forty years and I know exactly what I’m doing. Besides, it’s the Commander’s plan.”

So Hobbs really trusts Sharon and isn’t so sure about things when she isn’t around. I love that.  I also loved the looks Mike and Julio share when Provenza says he finds that offensive, like oh whoa here we go, this ought to be good. And yet, as offended as he is, Provenza does throw out the fact that he is following the Commander’s plan, knowing that will get Hobbs off his back.

“I’m getting tired of this silent movie.”

Me too Provenza. All I was thinking watching this interview was “Who cares? Go back to Sharon and Andy please.”

“Where is everyone? I’m sure they’re not listening in, that would be so against the rules.”

There goes Andy bringing up those rules again. I’m betting that in going back to work so soon, Sharon may be pushing a few of those rules. And doesn’t she have to meet with Mason and inform him of her condition and any restrictions she’s under? Andy had to do that with her. So, Andy followed the rules better than Sharon did?

“He said it was because of the way I am. The things I did.”

Those are the exact words Sharon Beck used on Rusty. Both parents excused their abusive behavior by blaming it on their child’s homosexuality. How sick is that.

“Detective Paige, thank you for your boundless enthusiasm.”

This coupled with Wes shaking his head at her and Provenza’s dirty look finally seemed to get through to Cami. Although it obviously wasn’t easy, she kept her mouth shut.

“So it’s cardio…Cardio, what?” “Cardiomyopathy.”

Rusty immediately googling this condition was perfect. I’m sure the die- hard fans were all doing the same thing the minute Sharon told Andy what her heart condition was. Then as he starts to get upset with what he is reading she takes his phone away from him and tells him the disease varies from person to person and not to believe everything he reads on the internet. Anyone, like me, who has ever looked up a physical ailment online, knows that what pops up is usually a worst-case scenario.

“Dr. Jacobs is a very experienced cardiologist and he told me that most people die with this disease, not from it.”

Well, that’s comforting; it would be even more comforting if we didn’t have this “setback” looming in the future.

“Well, what can I do to help?”

So, Rusty has actually matured. He didn’t freak out the way I thought he would and he didn’t make it all about him.

“Accept the full undercover security detail that the LAPD is recommending. It would take a lot of stress off my heart, I’m sure.

Oh Sharon, you do have a sneaky devious side LOL. Catholic mother guilt at its best.

“Wow, I know it’s your job to make people feel guilty enough to take a deal, but wow.”

Love that Rusty is actually amused by this and that Sharon gives him that “Oh well, I’ll do what I have to do and I’m not apologizing” shrug. It was adorable.

“Thank you for agreeing to this. It means a lot to me.”

I had been surprised that in the last three episodes Sharon hasn’t seemed overly concerned with Stroh’s return or Rusty not accepting the security detail. But obviously, it has been weighing heavily on her mind.

“Well, he ordered the salmon.”

Andy’s answer when Rusty asks him if he thinks Gus will come to the wedding.  Andy is such a GUY. He doesn’t get into the angsty will he or won’t he emotions, he’s just matter of fact about it. He ordered food so I guess he’s coming. But what I was really thinking was “Oh, salmon is one of the dishes that will be offered at the reception” Because I’m all about the Shandy wedding details.

Again, Andy and Sharon are stunning together. Love Andy’s red polka dot tie matching Sharon’s red polka dot blouse.

“Dr. Garza is there something we should know.”

How nice is it to see Andy interviewing again. This episode seemed SO much more a Major Crimes episode with the focus on Sharon and Andy and Provenza and even the rest of the team, with Cami and Wes and Mason more in the background, where they should be.

“Right this way, your somewhat holiness.”

Yep, Andy is really back. I complained last week that Andy was not his brash wise cracking self and that they were giving all his lines to Wes, but Andy is back completely this week and that makes me feel oh so much better.

Mary and Tony and all the cast were phenomenal in this episode.

Next weeks promo-Not surprised they didn’t even mention that the wedding was happening. It’s only the biggest thing to happen on this show, the day fans have been waiting for for four years, but hey the last thing they want to do is increase the ratings.

So, now onto the wedding. I simply can’t wait and sincerely hope it is not just one minute at the end of the episode. I want to see that wedding!

[braindamageforbeginners]

Week 3, day 23

My overall cognitive decline continues. Which is to be expected with this sort of treatment, but it’s still scary when you observe yourself sort of crumbling (and it’s even scarier to realize that this might be one of your better days, because you’re aware of your decreased capacity). In complete honesty, the big complaint today is a dramatic reduction in focus, and although it’s at a noticeable level, it’s probably at what I’d experience if I’d just stepped off a cross-country red-eye flight. Which could also be caused by the fact that I got all of ten minutes of sleep last night (or it feels like it, anyway), and spent a fair chunk of my now-limited IQ running down a prescription (even though my physicians are fairly generous about keeping me as comfortable as possible,* when you’re getting some of the more exotic drugs, pharmacies might require a little extra time to back order things). Still, it shouldn’t require all of my energy to make a few relatively-pleasant phone calls - that’s not some sort of smear on the folks I called, it’s just an indicator of how horribly exhausted I am. Which causes further brain damage (this is true), which leads to more neurological disease/symptoms, which then becomes this terrible self-sustaining cycle of illness.

This is ridiculous. If you go into an ER with chest pains, no one tells you that the symptoms are going to get worse, and, maybe, in a few months, they might go away, or the disease might progress, and we have no way to test in the meantime. No. They hook you up to an EKG, put you on clot busters and/or get a cardiac surgeon, and get it done. This is not an indictment of modern medicine; cancer is a complex disease, the brain is hilariously poorly-understood - these are both the result of things that have only been known to science for less than 500 years. But, good God, it’s preposterous to be told “You know those symptoms of the very disease you’re suffering? Yeah, we’re going go make those worse.” And I know we can do better, cognitively, because I have actually done that. Twice (possibly three times; I’m trying for a hat trick), but it does take lots of work, and EEGs. Admittedly, my brain is far more adaptable and resilient than the standard-issue model (and that is the only ace I have in my sleeve, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything)(okay, so I’d trade it for a healthy body and a big house on a tropical island, but that offer isn’t on the table), but, come on, folks; imagine if we made all elected officials pass an IQ test before taking office? We’d have brain damage cures yesterday.

But that’s really just me bitching about the pre-game festivities, because today I did see Radiation Oncologist (I see her on a weekly basis), and she did finally convince me to accept a steroid prescription. Side-note; these are not fun, sexy steroids that make you all Arnold Schwarzenegger-y, this refers to a broad class of drugs that do many thing. And have many, many, oh so many, side-effects, which I’ll bring up in just a second (this is also why I dislike this class of meds, as a general rule). But, Hell with it, she thinks it’ll help with my suture-coming-apart-at-the-seems headaches, and I had to go to Costco anyway. So I now have a  very low-grade decadron prescription, which I hate, because it makes me feel weird and aggressive (and/or weirdly aggressive). I also have a prescription to counteract some of the tummy-based side-effects of decadron. No one’s giving me any prescriptions for the more-subtle affects of decadron (namely, it will keep you awake for a week straight)(because it’s not like sleep deprivation is linked to heart disease, brain damage, or metaboloic diseases).

I feel like I have to give a brief educational aside - because I do consider myself something of a science facilitator, in the grand tradition of Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Pat Sajak - about the singularity. “The singularity” is a previously-theoretical moment in human development when our machines - or, more precisely, some sort of artificial intelligence - becomes completely independent of human support, and starts reshaping the world in its image. I’m taking a little poetic license in that description, but for a not-inaccurate portrayal of the concept, consult the Terminator films - or the proper, James Cameron-directed ones, anyway (or just watch the Terminator films because that’s never a bad way to fight existential dread). That was my understanding of the concept, prior to 3:30 PST this afternoon. In order to appreciate the vortex of madness I’m in - and, I apologize to my physician friends reading this if my neo-deconstructivist logic over-simplifies things - I am now taking Drug A. To counteract the side-effects of Drug B. Which was prescribed to counteract the side-effects of Treatment C (radiotherapy, to be completely precise). Which will cure me of Disease D (glioblastoma). If you listen carefully, you can hear space-time folding in on itself whenever I stand up.or sit down. I wouldn’t have consented to another prescription, but the subtext of the conversation seemed to be - and I could be totally wrong, I’m not a subtle man (I wear a cowboy hat in public) - that it wasn’t so much about fixing my suture pain, as much as it was about preventing all the worstest side-effects. Again, I could be completely misreading the scenario - I haven’t had the time to train my SoCal team as well as the NoCal folks. And I don’t mean that in some sort of creepy, sociopathic way; merely that I have a good working relationship with the mad scientists up north, and it took a few years to establish that (again, it is beyond fucked up that I have long-term relationships with cancer researchers, but I digress). At this point, they’re all well-aware that I dislike small-talk and I’m usually somewhat tense when I see them (the Nocal folks are), so they usually cut to the chase, and they know I don’t appreciate redundancies. I’m apparently back at square one with this lot, because Radiation Oncologist did ask if I was feeling okay. I might have overreacted with a 50-decibel “NO,” but I still think I get a gold star for not strangling her. We are taught in America that there are no stupid questions, but that is a lie; if you insist on asking a question that was asked ten minutes ago, it’s a stupid question. I realize that there are multiple double-checks in the medical system, but it’s still beyond aggravating to recount them to the doctor, then have her ask, “So, you’re not feeling very good?” Pro-tip for all future cancer patients, if the nurses and technicians are first-rate, the hospital isn’t likely to skimp out on the doctors. And research physicians, although excellent in many other respects, do insist on completely filling out the paperwork, which is both a blessing and a curse.

A final bit of good news about exhaustion; I’m now way too tired to be scared. I mean, I’m still way past the standard level of fear, but I no longer feel like I’m in some sort of horrible parallel universe of terror. Admittedly, diminishing terror using pain and fatigue sounds like something Josef Mengele would do, but, focusing on the positive, less frightened! And, perhaps, getting through the worst of the potential symptoms (with many, many unpleasant medications)(but, hey, no seizures or puking).

*The phrase “keep them comfortable” is not one you ever want to consider when discussing your current medical status, because it has some rather negative connotations.

[milenasanchezmk]

I Thought Any Weight Issue Could Be Corrected With Chronic Exercise

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I contemplated writing this Mark’s Daily Apple success story a few times over the last three years and every time I decided it wasn’t a good idea, mainly because I thought “who am I and who would really care anyway”? The other reason is the last thing I wanted people to see plastered on the internet are my before and after pictures, how embarrassing! Being comfortable and confident with my body is never an attribute I have possessed. I actually even used a before photo that was about 10 pounds lighter than when I was my heaviest, but that was because I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror at that point, let alone take a picture.

Despite all of this, I think sharing my story (and those pictures) is important because I think it can help people, it can show the powerful changes that can be made in health and body composition by making some very important lifestyle adjustments. I wanted to use the words “simple” or “easy” adjustments in that last sentence, but they are not always simple and easy. Yet, they are important.

I don’t think my exact formula will be right for everyone, but the majority of people can find something that they can apply to their life to make a positive change. And whether or not you find something in my story that inspires you, I have just landed you on one of the most powerful websites to change your health and your life, so for that you’re welcome. I think it is important to take your health into your own hands—research, read, ask questions—because it is obvious conventional wisdom and general health/nutrition information are deeply flawed, and Mark’s Daily Apple can help in your quest for knowledge!

Below I have organized my story in categories- “Before,” “After,” “Resources,” and “Moving Forward.” If you want to jump right into the details of how I went from 220-plus pounds to the 180-185 pounds I consistently stay at now, then scroll down to the “After” portion and start there.

Before

Below is a summary of the different phases of my life until five years ago when I turned thirty-years-old.

Childhood

I was born in the 1980s and grew up in the 90s, which seems to be prime time for the low fat era. At home, school, and in the media we were taught that fat should be avoided in our diet, and we had to make sure we get our 6-11 servings of cereals, grains, and pasta. For me that was not a problem, I could eat carbohydrates all day long!

I loved to play sports growing up and tried to be outside as much as possible playing football, basketball, and baseball. I never really thought about how food affected my performance in sports, or my body composition, I just ate whatever I could as fast as possible so I could get to the next game. My weight fluctuated when I was younger. I was never obese or even too overweight, I would describe myself as “slightly chubby” at times. There were other moments during growth spurts, and highly active moments of a sports season, where I was normal weight and not carrying any extra fat on my body.

High School

Once I got to high school I made the brilliant decision as a five foot ten inch tall, fairly slow kid, to focus on playing basketball. I was consistently carrying 10-15 pounds of extra weight, and not only was I teased a bit for it, but I wasn’t the best player I could be due to the extra weight, and that is what bothered me the most. Of course the comments about how my body looked hurt a bit, but I was a good enough player that most people looked past it and appreciated me for my play on the court.

The food environment in high school wasn’t always great, with getting older came more independence and opportunities to eat outside of my home, which lead me to fast and affordable food choices.

I really had no clue what healthy eating was. In fact healthy for me was heading to a juice place for a sugar filled beverage and a soft pretzel. Thank goodness I played a lot of basketball and was introduced to lifting weights at the same time, otherwise I have no doubt I would have been considered obese.

Even with a few extra pounds on my frame at the end of high school I had become a good enough player that I was able to move on and become a member of the men’s basketball team at a NCAA Division 2 university. Thanks to the support of my family and coaches I was able to live my dream of playing college basketball.

College

Once I got to Sonoma State University (located in Sonoma County-Northern California) it was obvious that physically I was going to have a tough time on the basketball court. It took me a few years to get in good enough shape to consistently make a contribution in games, but eventually I would be an all-conference guard and conference champion my senior year (for more on the many basketball related adjustments I made check out my book “Bench Rules: A Guide to Success On and Off the Bench” on Amazon). In fact, one of the strategies I joked about with my teammates, but it had a little truth to it, is that every time I went to a fast food restaurant I just stopped ordering french fries. Boom! Ten pounds lost very quickly.

The biggest adjustment I made was tracking what I ate. I started to add a lot more real food in my diet and eating less food that came from a box, package, or fast food restaurant. It was far from an optimal diet, but the actual process of writing it down made me think about what I was putting in my body, how it made me feel and perform, and that helped me make better decisions.

Post College

I had a short stint in a European basketball league, which enabled me to live in beautiful Vienna, Austria for a few months and get paid to play a game I love. That experience also helped me realize I had reached my full potential as a player, and I was done putting my body through the stress it took me to perform at that level. I decided it was time to move on to a different stage of my life.

A couple years after I left Vienna I married my college girlfriend Megan, who was a soccer player when we were at SSU, and a couple years later we had our first child. In those four years of not playing basketball, and not really making any adjustments to my Standard American Diet (I was still tracking what I ate on and off), I managed to put on more weight than I ever had.

Now, at this time I was still lifting weights and running, my two preferred forms of exercise, but this was not enough to keep the weight off as it was nothing close to the volume and intensity of exercise I endured as a basketball player.

With the increase in weight came some minor health issues, for instance I was diagnosed with GERD. I would get constant heartburn that felt bad enough to make me think I was having some kind of heart attack. I even got hooked up to an EKG machine at one point because I was so convinced something was wrong. A doctor I saw recommended I take a Prilosec pill everyday and eat a low fat diet, which I followed religiously until I saw I was putting on more weight. It was extremely frustrating to see zero changes in my body composition with an increased focus on my health and diet. There had to be something else I could do!

After Finding A New Way

I was turned on to primal/ancesteral health when I was told about a cbssports.com article on nutrition in the NBA. The story revolved around Dr. Cate Shanahan and her work with the LA Lakers. The whole series of articles led me to a Google search and one of the first websites I found was Mark’s Daily Apple (MDA). The website piqued my interest right away, it was so informative, filled with many wonderful articles and success stories, and ultimately I knew I had to give it a try.

One of the first inforgraphics I saw, and it still sticks out in my head to this day, is the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve. This is one I still share with people who ask me how I eat now, that and of course the ten primal laws. Mark’s Daily Apple is still my “go-to” source when I have any question on health or nutrition. What I love about MDA is that if I have a question about any topic, I can search for it and I am guaranteed to find an article with Mark’s point of view and links to any necessary studies or additional information. It is also an absolute must to check out the Primal Blueprint 101 section if you are new to the website, everything you could possibly need to know is there!

Below are the major adjustments I made to my life. Growing up in organized sports, and as a victim of conventional wisdom, I thought any weight issue could be solved with exercise. It wasn’t until I bought into the idea that “80 percent of your body composition is determined by what you eat” that I saw real change. It is for that reason that “Diet” is first on this list, and by far the most important. I am now low enough in body fat to somewhat see my abs, this was never the case even in 2-3 hours a day of college basketball practice over a five-year span (I spent one year as a redshirt). I had to make a change to my diet for this to happen, and I exercise less than I ever have.

Diet

Inspired by the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve I limit daily carbohydrate intake to less than 100 grams per day. Most days I aim to stay under 50 grams, and often I decide to restrict low enough and consistently enough to dip into in to ketosis. Aiming to keep my carbohydrates low has helped me to EAT REAL FOOD and avoid most processed/packaged foods.

I also eliminated sugars and grains from my diet. Obviously these calories had to be replaced so I started eating more healthy fat- olive oil, coconut oil (MCT Oil as well), and butter. However, the majority of my food is animals and plants along with nuts, healthy fats (listed above), and some fruit and dark chocolate. Check out the Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid, I also like Time Noakes’ Real Meal Revolution Food List.

This way of eating becomes very easy very quickly. Like I said above I like to keep carbohydrates fairly low, so once you learn the macronutrient make-up of food you can easily make a selection of what to eat anywhere you go. I suggest tracking what you eat at first, but eventually there is no need once you get used to it. I do not want to demonize carbohydrates, I like what world renowned strength coach Charles Poliquin says about them, his thought is that you must “deserve your carbohydrates. Your levels of muscle mass, volume and intensity of training, percentage of body fat and insulin sensitivity will determine how many grams of carbs you can afford. Some people obviously need to restrict their carbs to 10 licks of a dried prune every six months.”

If you restrict carbohydrates enough your body will be forced to start to use your own body fat for fuel. Transitioning your body to a lower carb eating strategy, essentially turning your body into a fat burning beast, can be tough for a few days up to to a few weeks, especially the first time coming from a Standard American Diet. Give it time, trust the process, it works.

I don’t count calories, or feel they are the whole story in relation to weight loss, I also believe the effect on hormones in the body is very important to normalizing/losing weight. In relation to calories I do think a low carb high fat diet is more satiating, while also not subjecting your body to insulin spikes all day, and ultimately causes many to eat less food. That is the case for me anyway.

I do occasionally eat foods that are higher in carbohydrates, foods that are definitely not “healthy” by anyone’s standards, and I usually feel terrible after eating them. Probably the one thing I found that aggravates my stomach the most, the one that hurt the most to eliminate, was beer. I will still drink a beer on rare occasions, and naturally my digestive system and sleep suffer because of it.

Food quality is not something I worried about at first. Initially I think it is easiest to just worry about limiting carbohydrates and eating as much fat and protein as necessary so you are never hungry. Once I adapted to the diet and got my bearings, I started to worry more about finding properly raised meat and local organic vegetables. While it does cost more, and I realize I am lucky enough to be able to afford these costs, it is important to both my health and the environment.

Fasting

I have experimented with intermittent fasting, both 16-hour fasts and some 24 hour fasting. This past month of July I did a 18/6 fast every day, and while I don’t find it hard to skip breakfast in the morning, I like to eat breakfast. I generally workout first thing in the morning and find I feel better eating post workout. I still may occasionally fast on a non-workout day, simply holding off breakfast until early afternoon.  Now I just let my hunger dictate meal timing, if I am hungry I eat, if I am not I don’t eat. Hunger on a low carbohydrate diet is much different than hunger on a diet filled with carbohydrates, my family still jokes about my “Hanger Issues” from the past that were constant because of the types of food I was eating.

Since beginning this new lifestyle my wife (Megan) has joined on and she has also seen big improvements in her body composition following two pregnancies. She has allowed me to share a before and after picture of us, in the before picture she has the excuse of only being three months out from having a baby, I did not have the same excuse. What is also impressive about my wife’s improvement in body composition is that she has done it with pretty much zero structured exercise, which to me shows the power of changing what you eat to change how you look and feel. Megan was a soccer player at Sonoma State and she is now at the same weight she was when she was practicing/playing soccer six days a week for 2-3 hours, again with zero structured exercise. Our next task moving forward is to navigate the world of raising children, trying to give them the best life we can, and helping them face the food environment they will encounter in school and beyond.

Next up for me is to use the training I received from the Primal Health Coach Program I just finished last month. I have seen such drastic improvements in my life I was inspired to start the program earlier this summer with the hope to use my increased knowledge to help others. I currently work in a high school setting (PE and Athletics), I love what I do and the people and students I work with, and I have no plans to leave there to start a health coaching business. I will at first offer to help my friends and family in any way I can and see where I go from there. I look forward to sharing the amazing resources and knowledge I have gained from the program with anyone willing to listen. Combining that with my past experiences will be a good foundation to help others better their lives in any way possible. Hopefully, I can make an impact.

— Kevin Christensen

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

[watsonrodriquezie]

I Thought Any Weight Issue Could Be Corrected With Chronic Exercise

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I contemplated writing this Mark’s Daily Apple success story a few times over the last three years and every time I decided it wasn’t a good idea, mainly because I thought “who am I and who would really care anyway”? The other reason is the last thing I wanted people to see plastered on the internet are my before and after pictures, how embarrassing! Being comfortable and confident with my body is never an attribute I have possessed. I actually even used a before photo that was about 10 pounds lighter than when I was my heaviest, but that was because I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror at that point, let alone take a picture.

Despite all of this, I think sharing my story (and those pictures) is important because I think it can help people, it can show the powerful changes that can be made in health and body composition by making some very important lifestyle adjustments. I wanted to use the words “simple” or “easy” adjustments in that last sentence, but they are not always simple and easy. Yet, they are important.

I don’t think my exact formula will be right for everyone, but the majority of people can find something that they can apply to their life to make a positive change. And whether or not you find something in my story that inspires you, I have just landed you on one of the most powerful websites to change your health and your life, so for that you’re welcome. I think it is important to take your health into your own hands—research, read, ask questions—because it is obvious conventional wisdom and general health/nutrition information are deeply flawed, and Mark’s Daily Apple can help in your quest for knowledge!

Below I have organized my story in categories- “Before,” “After,” “Resources,” and “Moving Forward.” If you want to jump right into the details of how I went from 220-plus pounds to the 180-185 pounds I consistently stay at now, then scroll down to the “After” portion and start there.

Before

Below is a summary of the different phases of my life until five years ago when I turned thirty-years-old.

Childhood

I was born in the 1980s and grew up in the 90s, which seems to be prime time for the low fat era. At home, school, and in the media we were taught that fat should be avoided in our diet, and we had to make sure we get our 6-11 servings of cereals, grains, and pasta. For me that was not a problem, I could eat carbohydrates all day long!

I loved to play sports growing up and tried to be outside as much as possible playing football, basketball, and baseball. I never really thought about how food affected my performance in sports, or my body composition, I just ate whatever I could as fast as possible so I could get to the next game. My weight fluctuated when I was younger. I was never obese or even too overweight, I would describe myself as “slightly chubby” at times. There were other moments during growth spurts, and highly active moments of a sports season, where I was normal weight and not carrying any extra fat on my body.

High School

Once I got to high school I made the brilliant decision as a five foot ten inch tall, fairly slow kid, to focus on playing basketball. I was consistently carrying 10-15 pounds of extra weight, and not only was I teased a bit for it, but I wasn’t the best player I could be due to the extra weight, and that is what bothered me the most. Of course the comments about how my body looked hurt a bit, but I was a good enough player that most people looked past it and appreciated me for my play on the court.

The food environment in high school wasn’t always great, with getting older came more independence and opportunities to eat outside of my home, which lead me to fast and affordable food choices.

I really had no clue what healthy eating was. In fact healthy for me was heading to a juice place for a sugar filled beverage and a soft pretzel. Thank goodness I played a lot of basketball and was introduced to lifting weights at the same time, otherwise I have no doubt I would have been considered obese.

Even with a few extra pounds on my frame at the end of high school I had become a good enough player that I was able to move on and become a member of the men’s basketball team at a NCAA Division 2 university. Thanks to the support of my family and coaches I was able to live my dream of playing college basketball.

College

Once I got to Sonoma State University (located in Sonoma County-Northern California) it was obvious that physically I was going to have a tough time on the basketball court. It took me a few years to get in good enough shape to consistently make a contribution in games, but eventually I would be an all-conference guard and conference champion my senior year (for more on the many basketball related adjustments I made check out my book “Bench Rules: A Guide to Success On and Off the Bench” on Amazon). In fact, one of the strategies I joked about with my teammates, but it had a little truth to it, is that every time I went to a fast food restaurant I just stopped ordering french fries. Boom! Ten pounds lost very quickly.

The biggest adjustment I made was tracking what I ate. I started to add a lot more real food in my diet and eating less food that came from a box, package, or fast food restaurant. It was far from an optimal diet, but the actual process of writing it down made me think about what I was putting in my body, how it made me feel and perform, and that helped me make better decisions.

Post College

I had a short stint in a European basketball league, which enabled me to live in beautiful Vienna, Austria for a few months and get paid to play a game I love. That experience also helped me realize I had reached my full potential as a player, and I was done putting my body through the stress it took me to perform at that level. I decided it was time to move on to a different stage of my life.

A couple years after I left Vienna I married my college girlfriend Megan, who was a soccer player when we were at SSU, and a couple years later we had our first child. In those four years of not playing basketball, and not really making any adjustments to my Standard American Diet (I was still tracking what I ate on and off), I managed to put on more weight than I ever had.

Now, at this time I was still lifting weights and running, my two preferred forms of exercise, but this was not enough to keep the weight off as it was nothing close to the volume and intensity of exercise I endured as a basketball player.

With the increase in weight came some minor health issues, for instance I was diagnosed with GERD. I would get constant heartburn that felt bad enough to make me think I was having some kind of heart attack. I even got hooked up to an EKG machine at one point because I was so convinced something was wrong. A doctor I saw recommended I take a Prilosec pill everyday and eat a low fat diet, which I followed religiously until I saw I was putting on more weight. It was extremely frustrating to see zero changes in my body composition with an increased focus on my health and diet. There had to be something else I could do!

After Finding A New Way

I was turned on to primal/ancesteral health when I was told about a cbssports.com article on nutrition in the NBA. The story revolved around Dr. Cate Shanahan and her work with the LA Lakers. The whole series of articles led me to a Google search and one of the first websites I found was Mark’s Daily Apple (MDA). The website piqued my interest right away, it was so informative, filled with many wonderful articles and success stories, and ultimately I knew I had to give it a try.

One of the first inforgraphics I saw, and it still sticks out in my head to this day, is the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve. This is one I still share with people who ask me how I eat now, that and of course the ten primal laws. Mark’s Daily Apple is still my “go-to” source when I have any question on health or nutrition. What I love about MDA is that if I have a question about any topic, I can search for it and I am guaranteed to find an article with Mark’s point of view and links to any necessary studies or additional information. It is also an absolute must to check out the Primal Blueprint 101 section if you are new to the website, everything you could possibly need to know is there!

Below are the major adjustments I made to my life. Growing up in organized sports, and as a victim of conventional wisdom, I thought any weight issue could be solved with exercise. It wasn’t until I bought into the idea that “80 percent of your body composition is determined by what you eat” that I saw real change. It is for that reason that “Diet” is first on this list, and by far the most important. I am now low enough in body fat to somewhat see my abs, this was never the case even in 2-3 hours a day of college basketball practice over a five-year span (I spent one year as a redshirt). I had to make a change to my diet for this to happen, and I exercise less than I ever have.

Diet

Inspired by the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve I limit daily carbohydrate intake to less than 100 grams per day. Most days I aim to stay under 50 grams, and often I decide to restrict low enough and consistently enough to dip into in to ketosis. Aiming to keep my carbohydrates low has helped me to EAT REAL FOOD and avoid most processed/packaged foods.

I also eliminated sugars and grains from my diet. Obviously these calories had to be replaced so I started eating more healthy fat- olive oil, coconut oil (MCT Oil as well), and butter. However, the majority of my food is animals and plants along with nuts, healthy fats (listed above), and some fruit and dark chocolate. Check out the Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid, I also like Time Noakes’ Real Meal Revolution Food List.

This way of eating becomes very easy very quickly. Like I said above I like to keep carbohydrates fairly low, so once you learn the macronutrient make-up of food you can easily make a selection of what to eat anywhere you go. I suggest tracking what you eat at first, but eventually there is no need once you get used to it. I do not want to demonize carbohydrates, I like what world renowned strength coach Charles Poliquin says about them, his thought is that you must “deserve your carbohydrates. Your levels of muscle mass, volume and intensity of training, percentage of body fat and insulin sensitivity will determine how many grams of carbs you can afford. Some people obviously need to restrict their carbs to 10 licks of a dried prune every six months.”

If you restrict carbohydrates enough your body will be forced to start to use your own body fat for fuel. Transitioning your body to a lower carb eating strategy, essentially turning your body into a fat burning beast, can be tough for a few days up to to a few weeks, especially the first time coming from a Standard American Diet. Give it time, trust the process, it works.

I don’t count calories, or feel they are the whole story in relation to weight loss, I also believe the effect on hormones in the body is very important to normalizing/losing weight. In relation to calories I do think a low carb high fat diet is more satiating, while also not subjecting your body to insulin spikes all day, and ultimately causes many to eat less food. That is the case for me anyway.

I do occasionally eat foods that are higher in carbohydrates, foods that are definitely not “healthy” by anyone’s standards, and I usually feel terrible after eating them. Probably the one thing I found that aggravates my stomach the most, the one that hurt the most to eliminate, was beer. I will still drink a beer on rare occasions, and naturally my digestive system and sleep suffer because of it.

Food quality is not something I worried about at first. Initially I think it is easiest to just worry about limiting carbohydrates and eating as much fat and protein as necessary so you are never hungry. Once I adapted to the diet and got my bearings, I started to worry more about finding properly raised meat and local organic vegetables. While it does cost more, and I realize I am lucky enough to be able to afford these costs, it is important to both my health and the environment.

Fasting

I have experimented with intermittent fasting, both 16-hour fasts and some 24 hour fasting. This past month of July I did a 18/6 fast every day, and while I don’t find it hard to skip breakfast in the morning, I like to eat breakfast. I generally workout first thing in the morning and find I feel better eating post workout. I still may occasionally fast on a non-workout day, simply holding off breakfast until early afternoon.  Now I just let my hunger dictate meal timing, if I am hungry I eat, if I am not I don’t eat. Hunger on a low carbohydrate diet is much different than hunger on a diet filled with carbohydrates, my family still jokes about my “Hanger Issues” from the past that were constant because of the types of food I was eating.

Since beginning this new lifestyle my wife (Megan) has joined on and she has also seen big improvements in her body composition following two pregnancies. She has allowed me to share a before and after picture of us, in the before picture she has the excuse of only being three months out from having a baby, I did not have the same excuse. What is also impressive about my wife’s improvement in body composition is that she has done it with pretty much zero structured exercise, which to me shows the power of changing what you eat to change how you look and feel. Megan was a soccer player at Sonoma State and she is now at the same weight she was when she was practicing/playing soccer six days a week for 2-3 hours, again with zero structured exercise. Our next task moving forward is to navigate the world of raising children, trying to give them the best life we can, and helping them face the food environment they will encounter in school and beyond.

Next up for me is to use the training I received from the Primal Health Coach Program I just finished last month. I have seen such drastic improvements in my life I was inspired to start the program earlier this summer with the hope to use my increased knowledge to help others. I currently work in a high school setting (PE and Athletics), I love what I do and the people and students I work with, and I have no plans to leave there to start a health coaching business. I will at first offer to help my friends and family in any way I can and see where I go from there. I look forward to sharing the amazing resources and knowledge I have gained from the program with anyone willing to listen. Combining that with my past experiences will be a good foundation to help others better their lives in any way possible. Hopefully, I can make an impact.

— Kevin Christensen

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

[fishermariawo]

I Thought Any Weight Issue Could Be Corrected With Chronic Exercise

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I contemplated writing this Mark’s Daily Apple success story a few times over the last three years and every time I decided it wasn’t a good idea, mainly because I thought “who am I and who would really care anyway”? The other reason is the last thing I wanted people to see plastered on the internet are my before and after pictures, how embarrassing! Being comfortable and confident with my body is never an attribute I have possessed. I actually even used a before photo that was about 10 pounds lighter than when I was my heaviest, but that was because I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror at that point, let alone take a picture.

Despite all of this, I think sharing my story (and those pictures) is important because I think it can help people, it can show the powerful changes that can be made in health and body composition by making some very important lifestyle adjustments. I wanted to use the words “simple” or “easy” adjustments in that last sentence, but they are not always simple and easy. Yet, they are important.

I don’t think my exact formula will be right for everyone, but the majority of people can find something that they can apply to their life to make a positive change. And whether or not you find something in my story that inspires you, I have just landed you on one of the most powerful websites to change your health and your life, so for that you’re welcome. I think it is important to take your health into your own hands—research, read, ask questions—because it is obvious conventional wisdom and general health/nutrition information are deeply flawed, and Mark’s Daily Apple can help in your quest for knowledge!

Below I have organized my story in categories- “Before,” “After,” “Resources,” and “Moving Forward.” If you want to jump right into the details of how I went from 220-plus pounds to the 180-185 pounds I consistently stay at now, then scroll down to the “After” portion and start there.

Before

Below is a summary of the different phases of my life until five years ago when I turned thirty-years-old.

Childhood

I was born in the 1980s and grew up in the 90s, which seems to be prime time for the low fat era. At home, school, and in the media we were taught that fat should be avoided in our diet, and we had to make sure we get our 6-11 servings of cereals, grains, and pasta. For me that was not a problem, I could eat carbohydrates all day long!

I loved to play sports growing up and tried to be outside as much as possible playing football, basketball, and baseball. I never really thought about how food affected my performance in sports, or my body composition, I just ate whatever I could as fast as possible so I could get to the next game. My weight fluctuated when I was younger. I was never obese or even too overweight, I would describe myself as “slightly chubby” at times. There were other moments during growth spurts, and highly active moments of a sports season, where I was normal weight and not carrying any extra fat on my body.

High School

Once I got to high school I made the brilliant decision as a five foot ten inch tall, fairly slow kid, to focus on playing basketball. I was consistently carrying 10-15 pounds of extra weight, and not only was I teased a bit for it, but I wasn’t the best player I could be due to the extra weight, and that is what bothered me the most. Of course the comments about how my body looked hurt a bit, but I was a good enough player that most people looked past it and appreciated me for my play on the court.

The food environment in high school wasn’t always great, with getting older came more independence and opportunities to eat outside of my home, which lead me to fast and affordable food choices.

I really had no clue what healthy eating was. In fact healthy for me was heading to a juice place for a sugar filled beverage and a soft pretzel. Thank goodness I played a lot of basketball and was introduced to lifting weights at the same time, otherwise I have no doubt I would have been considered obese.

Even with a few extra pounds on my frame at the end of high school I had become a good enough player that I was able to move on and become a member of the men’s basketball team at a NCAA Division 2 university. Thanks to the support of my family and coaches I was able to live my dream of playing college basketball.

College

Once I got to Sonoma State University (located in Sonoma County-Northern California) it was obvious that physically I was going to have a tough time on the basketball court. It took me a few years to get in good enough shape to consistently make a contribution in games, but eventually I would be an all-conference guard and conference champion my senior year (for more on the many basketball related adjustments I made check out my book “Bench Rules: A Guide to Success On and Off the Bench” on Amazon). In fact, one of the strategies I joked about with my teammates, but it had a little truth to it, is that every time I went to a fast food restaurant I just stopped ordering french fries. Boom! Ten pounds lost very quickly.

The biggest adjustment I made was tracking what I ate. I started to add a lot more real food in my diet and eating less food that came from a box, package, or fast food restaurant. It was far from an optimal diet, but the actual process of writing it down made me think about what I was putting in my body, how it made me feel and perform, and that helped me make better decisions.

Post College

I had a short stint in a European basketball league, which enabled me to live in beautiful Vienna, Austria for a few months and get paid to play a game I love. That experience also helped me realize I had reached my full potential as a player, and I was done putting my body through the stress it took me to perform at that level. I decided it was time to move on to a different stage of my life.

A couple years after I left Vienna I married my college girlfriend Megan, who was a soccer player when we were at SSU, and a couple years later we had our first child. In those four years of not playing basketball, and not really making any adjustments to my Standard American Diet (I was still tracking what I ate on and off), I managed to put on more weight than I ever had.

Now, at this time I was still lifting weights and running, my two preferred forms of exercise, but this was not enough to keep the weight off as it was nothing close to the volume and intensity of exercise I endured as a basketball player.

With the increase in weight came some minor health issues, for instance I was diagnosed with GERD. I would get constant heartburn that felt bad enough to make me think I was having some kind of heart attack. I even got hooked up to an EKG machine at one point because I was so convinced something was wrong. A doctor I saw recommended I take a Prilosec pill everyday and eat a low fat diet, which I followed religiously until I saw I was putting on more weight. It was extremely frustrating to see zero changes in my body composition with an increased focus on my health and diet. There had to be something else I could do!

After Finding A New Way

I was turned on to primal/ancesteral health when I was told about a cbssports.com article on nutrition in the NBA. The story revolved around Dr. Cate Shanahan and her work with the LA Lakers. The whole series of articles led me to a Google search and one of the first websites I found was Mark’s Daily Apple (MDA). The website piqued my interest right away, it was so informative, filled with many wonderful articles and success stories, and ultimately I knew I had to give it a try.

One of the first inforgraphics I saw, and it still sticks out in my head to this day, is the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve. This is one I still share with people who ask me how I eat now, that and of course the ten primal laws. Mark’s Daily Apple is still my “go-to” source when I have any question on health or nutrition. What I love about MDA is that if I have a question about any topic, I can search for it and I am guaranteed to find an article with Mark’s point of view and links to any necessary studies or additional information. It is also an absolute must to check out the Primal Blueprint 101 section if you are new to the website, everything you could possibly need to know is there!

Below are the major adjustments I made to my life. Growing up in organized sports, and as a victim of conventional wisdom, I thought any weight issue could be solved with exercise. It wasn’t until I bought into the idea that “80 percent of your body composition is determined by what you eat” that I saw real change. It is for that reason that “Diet” is first on this list, and by far the most important. I am now low enough in body fat to somewhat see my abs, this was never the case even in 2-3 hours a day of college basketball practice over a five-year span (I spent one year as a redshirt). I had to make a change to my diet for this to happen, and I exercise less than I ever have.

Diet

Inspired by the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve I limit daily carbohydrate intake to less than 100 grams per day. Most days I aim to stay under 50 grams, and often I decide to restrict low enough and consistently enough to dip into in to ketosis. Aiming to keep my carbohydrates low has helped me to EAT REAL FOOD and avoid most processed/packaged foods.

I also eliminated sugars and grains from my diet. Obviously these calories had to be replaced so I started eating more healthy fat- olive oil, coconut oil (MCT Oil as well), and butter. However, the majority of my food is animals and plants along with nuts, healthy fats (listed above), and some fruit and dark chocolate. Check out the Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid, I also like Time Noakes’ Real Meal Revolution Food List.

This way of eating becomes very easy very quickly. Like I said above I like to keep carbohydrates fairly low, so once you learn the macronutrient make-up of food you can easily make a selection of what to eat anywhere you go. I suggest tracking what you eat at first, but eventually there is no need once you get used to it. I do not want to demonize carbohydrates, I like what world renowned strength coach Charles Poliquin says about them, his thought is that you must “deserve your carbohydrates. Your levels of muscle mass, volume and intensity of training, percentage of body fat and insulin sensitivity will determine how many grams of carbs you can afford. Some people obviously need to restrict their carbs to 10 licks of a dried prune every six months.”

If you restrict carbohydrates enough your body will be forced to start to use your own body fat for fuel. Transitioning your body to a lower carb eating strategy, essentially turning your body into a fat burning beast, can be tough for a few days up to to a few weeks, especially the first time coming from a Standard American Diet. Give it time, trust the process, it works.

I don’t count calories, or feel they are the whole story in relation to weight loss, I also believe the effect on hormones in the body is very important to normalizing/losing weight. In relation to calories I do think a low carb high fat diet is more satiating, while also not subjecting your body to insulin spikes all day, and ultimately causes many to eat less food. That is the case for me anyway.

I do occasionally eat foods that are higher in carbohydrates, foods that are definitely not “healthy” by anyone’s standards, and I usually feel terrible after eating them. Probably the one thing I found that aggravates my stomach the most, the one that hurt the most to eliminate, was beer. I will still drink a beer on rare occasions, and naturally my digestive system and sleep suffer because of it.

Food quality is not something I worried about at first. Initially I think it is easiest to just worry about limiting carbohydrates and eating as much fat and protein as necessary so you are never hungry. Once I adapted to the diet and got my bearings, I started to worry more about finding properly raised meat and local organic vegetables. While it does cost more, and I realize I am lucky enough to be able to afford these costs, it is important to both my health and the environment.

Fasting

I have experimented with intermittent fasting, both 16-hour fasts and some 24 hour fasting. This past month of July I did a 18/6 fast every day, and while I don’t find it hard to skip breakfast in the morning, I like to eat breakfast. I generally workout first thing in the morning and find I feel better eating post workout. I still may occasionally fast on a non-workout day, simply holding off breakfast until early afternoon.  Now I just let my hunger dictate meal timing, if I am hungry I eat, if I am not I don’t eat. Hunger on a low carbohydrate diet is much different than hunger on a diet filled with carbohydrates, my family still jokes about my “Hanger Issues” from the past that were constant because of the types of food I was eating.

Since beginning this new lifestyle my wife (Megan) has joined on and she has also seen big improvements in her body composition following two pregnancies. She has allowed me to share a before and after picture of us, in the before picture she has the excuse of only being three months out from having a baby, I did not have the same excuse. What is also impressive about my wife’s improvement in body composition is that she has done it with pretty much zero structured exercise, which to me shows the power of changing what you eat to change how you look and feel. Megan was a soccer player at Sonoma State and she is now at the same weight she was when she was practicing/playing soccer six days a week for 2-3 hours, again with zero structured exercise. Our next task moving forward is to navigate the world of raising children, trying to give them the best life we can, and helping them face the food environment they will encounter in school and beyond.

Next up for me is to use the training I received from the Primal Health Coach Program I just finished last month. I have seen such drastic improvements in my life I was inspired to start the program earlier this summer with the hope to use my increased knowledge to help others. I currently work in a high school setting (PE and Athletics), I love what I do and the people and students I work with, and I have no plans to leave there to start a health coaching business. I will at first offer to help my friends and family in any way I can and see where I go from there. I look forward to sharing the amazing resources and knowledge I have gained from the program with anyone willing to listen. Combining that with my past experiences will be a good foundation to help others better their lives in any way possible. Hopefully, I can make an impact.

— Kevin Christensen

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

[cristinajourdanqp]

I Thought Any Weight Issue Could Be Corrected With Chronic Exercise

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I contemplated writing this Mark’s Daily Apple success story a few times over the last three years and every time I decided it wasn’t a good idea, mainly because I thought “who am I and who would really care anyway”? The other reason is the last thing I wanted people to see plastered on the internet are my before and after pictures, how embarrassing! Being comfortable and confident with my body is never an attribute I have possessed. I actually even used a before photo that was about 10 pounds lighter than when I was my heaviest, but that was because I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror at that point, let alone take a picture.

Despite all of this, I think sharing my story (and those pictures) is important because I think it can help people, it can show the powerful changes that can be made in health and body composition by making some very important lifestyle adjustments. I wanted to use the words “simple” or “easy” adjustments in that last sentence, but they are not always simple and easy. Yet, they are important.

I don’t think my exact formula will be right for everyone, but the majority of people can find something that they can apply to their life to make a positive change. And whether or not you find something in my story that inspires you, I have just landed you on one of the most powerful websites to change your health and your life, so for that you’re welcome. I think it is important to take your health into your own hands—research, read, ask questions—because it is obvious conventional wisdom and general health/nutrition information are deeply flawed, and Mark’s Daily Apple can help in your quest for knowledge!

Below I have organized my story in categories- “Before,” “After,” “Resources,” and “Moving Forward.” If you want to jump right into the details of how I went from 220-plus pounds to the 180-185 pounds I consistently stay at now, then scroll down to the “After” portion and start there.

Before

Below is a summary of the different phases of my life until five years ago when I turned thirty-years-old.

Childhood

I was born in the 1980s and grew up in the 90s, which seems to be prime time for the low fat era. At home, school, and in the media we were taught that fat should be avoided in our diet, and we had to make sure we get our 6-11 servings of cereals, grains, and pasta. For me that was not a problem, I could eat carbohydrates all day long!

I loved to play sports growing up and tried to be outside as much as possible playing football, basketball, and baseball. I never really thought about how food affected my performance in sports, or my body composition, I just ate whatever I could as fast as possible so I could get to the next game. My weight fluctuated when I was younger. I was never obese or even too overweight, I would describe myself as “slightly chubby” at times. There were other moments during growth spurts, and highly active moments of a sports season, where I was normal weight and not carrying any extra fat on my body.

High School

Once I got to high school I made the brilliant decision as a five foot ten inch tall, fairly slow kid, to focus on playing basketball. I was consistently carrying 10-15 pounds of extra weight, and not only was I teased a bit for it, but I wasn’t the best player I could be due to the extra weight, and that is what bothered me the most. Of course the comments about how my body looked hurt a bit, but I was a good enough player that most people looked past it and appreciated me for my play on the court.

The food environment in high school wasn’t always great, with getting older came more independence and opportunities to eat outside of my home, which lead me to fast and affordable food choices.

I really had no clue what healthy eating was. In fact healthy for me was heading to a juice place for a sugar filled beverage and a soft pretzel. Thank goodness I played a lot of basketball and was introduced to lifting weights at the same time, otherwise I have no doubt I would have been considered obese.

Even with a few extra pounds on my frame at the end of high school I had become a good enough player that I was able to move on and become a member of the men’s basketball team at a NCAA Division 2 university. Thanks to the support of my family and coaches I was able to live my dream of playing college basketball.

College

Once I got to Sonoma State University (located in Sonoma County-Northern California) it was obvious that physically I was going to have a tough time on the basketball court. It took me a few years to get in good enough shape to consistently make a contribution in games, but eventually I would be an all-conference guard and conference champion my senior year (for more on the many basketball related adjustments I made check out my book “Bench Rules: A Guide to Success On and Off the Bench” on Amazon). In fact, one of the strategies I joked about with my teammates, but it had a little truth to it, is that every time I went to a fast food restaurant I just stopped ordering french fries. Boom! Ten pounds lost very quickly.

The biggest adjustment I made was tracking what I ate. I started to add a lot more real food in my diet and eating less food that came from a box, package, or fast food restaurant. It was far from an optimal diet, but the actual process of writing it down made me think about what I was putting in my body, how it made me feel and perform, and that helped me make better decisions.

Post College

I had a short stint in a European basketball league, which enabled me to live in beautiful Vienna, Austria for a few months and get paid to play a game I love. That experience also helped me realize I had reached my full potential as a player, and I was done putting my body through the stress it took me to perform at that level. I decided it was time to move on to a different stage of my life.

A couple years after I left Vienna I married my college girlfriend Megan, who was a soccer player when we were at SSU, and a couple years later we had our first child. In those four years of not playing basketball, and not really making any adjustments to my Standard American Diet (I was still tracking what I ate on and off), I managed to put on more weight than I ever had.

Now, at this time I was still lifting weights and running, my two preferred forms of exercise, but this was not enough to keep the weight off as it was nothing close to the volume and intensity of exercise I endured as a basketball player.

With the increase in weight came some minor health issues, for instance I was diagnosed with GERD. I would get constant heartburn that felt bad enough to make me think I was having some kind of heart attack. I even got hooked up to an EKG machine at one point because I was so convinced something was wrong. A doctor I saw recommended I take a Prilosec pill everyday and eat a low fat diet, which I followed religiously until I saw I was putting on more weight. It was extremely frustrating to see zero changes in my body composition with an increased focus on my health and diet. There had to be something else I could do!

After Finding A New Way

I was turned on to primal/ancesteral health when I was told about a cbssports.com article on nutrition in the NBA. The story revolved around Dr. Cate Shanahan and her work with the LA Lakers. The whole series of articles led me to a Google search and one of the first websites I found was Mark’s Daily Apple (MDA). The website piqued my interest right away, it was so informative, filled with many wonderful articles and success stories, and ultimately I knew I had to give it a try.

One of the first inforgraphics I saw, and it still sticks out in my head to this day, is the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve. This is one I still share with people who ask me how I eat now, that and of course the ten primal laws. Mark’s Daily Apple is still my “go-to” source when I have any question on health or nutrition. What I love about MDA is that if I have a question about any topic, I can search for it and I am guaranteed to find an article with Mark’s point of view and links to any necessary studies or additional information. It is also an absolute must to check out the Primal Blueprint 101 section if you are new to the website, everything you could possibly need to know is there!

Below are the major adjustments I made to my life. Growing up in organized sports, and as a victim of conventional wisdom, I thought any weight issue could be solved with exercise. It wasn’t until I bought into the idea that “80 percent of your body composition is determined by what you eat” that I saw real change. It is for that reason that “Diet” is first on this list, and by far the most important. I am now low enough in body fat to somewhat see my abs, this was never the case even in 2-3 hours a day of college basketball practice over a five-year span (I spent one year as a redshirt). I had to make a change to my diet for this to happen, and I exercise less than I ever have.

Diet

Inspired by the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve I limit daily carbohydrate intake to less than 100 grams per day. Most days I aim to stay under 50 grams, and often I decide to restrict low enough and consistently enough to dip into in to ketosis. Aiming to keep my carbohydrates low has helped me to EAT REAL FOOD and avoid most processed/packaged foods.

I also eliminated sugars and grains from my diet. Obviously these calories had to be replaced so I started eating more healthy fat- olive oil, coconut oil (MCT Oil as well), and butter. However, the majority of my food is animals and plants along with nuts, healthy fats (listed above), and some fruit and dark chocolate. Check out the Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid, I also like Time Noakes’ Real Meal Revolution Food List.

This way of eating becomes very easy very quickly. Like I said above I like to keep carbohydrates fairly low, so once you learn the macronutrient make-up of food you can easily make a selection of what to eat anywhere you go. I suggest tracking what you eat at first, but eventually there is no need once you get used to it. I do not want to demonize carbohydrates, I like what world renowned strength coach Charles Poliquin says about them, his thought is that you must “deserve your carbohydrates. Your levels of muscle mass, volume and intensity of training, percentage of body fat and insulin sensitivity will determine how many grams of carbs you can afford. Some people obviously need to restrict their carbs to 10 licks of a dried prune every six months.”

If you restrict carbohydrates enough your body will be forced to start to use your own body fat for fuel. Transitioning your body to a lower carb eating strategy, essentially turning your body into a fat burning beast, can be tough for a few days up to to a few weeks, especially the first time coming from a Standard American Diet. Give it time, trust the process, it works.

I don’t count calories, or feel they are the whole story in relation to weight loss, I also believe the effect on hormones in the body is very important to normalizing/losing weight. In relation to calories I do think a low carb high fat diet is more satiating, while also not subjecting your body to insulin spikes all day, and ultimately causes many to eat less food. That is the case for me anyway.

I do occasionally eat foods that are higher in carbohydrates, foods that are definitely not “healthy” by anyone’s standards, and I usually feel terrible after eating them. Probably the one thing I found that aggravates my stomach the most, the one that hurt the most to eliminate, was beer. I will still drink a beer on rare occasions, and naturally my digestive system and sleep suffer because of it.

Food quality is not something I worried about at first. Initially I think it is easiest to just worry about limiting carbohydrates and eating as much fat and protein as necessary so you are never hungry. Once I adapted to the diet and got my bearings, I started to worry more about finding properly raised meat and local organic vegetables. While it does cost more, and I realize I am lucky enough to be able to afford these costs, it is important to both my health and the environment.

Fasting

I have experimented with intermittent fasting, both 16-hour fasts and some 24 hour fasting. This past month of July I did a 18/6 fast every day, and while I don’t find it hard to skip breakfast in the morning, I like to eat breakfast. I generally workout first thing in the morning and find I feel better eating post workout. I still may occasionally fast on a non-workout day, simply holding off breakfast until early afternoon.  Now I just let my hunger dictate meal timing, if I am hungry I eat, if I am not I don’t eat. Hunger on a low carbohydrate diet is much different than hunger on a diet filled with carbohydrates, my family still jokes about my “Hanger Issues” from the past that were constant because of the types of food I was eating.

Since beginning this new lifestyle my wife (Megan) has joined on and she has also seen big improvements in her body composition following two pregnancies. She has allowed me to share a before and after picture of us, in the before picture she has the excuse of only being three months out from having a baby, I did not have the same excuse. What is also impressive about my wife’s improvement in body composition is that she has done it with pretty much zero structured exercise, which to me shows the power of changing what you eat to change how you look and feel. Megan was a soccer player at Sonoma State and she is now at the same weight she was when she was practicing/playing soccer six days a week for 2-3 hours, again with zero structured exercise. Our next task moving forward is to navigate the world of raising children, trying to give them the best life we can, and helping them face the food environment they will encounter in school and beyond.

Next up for me is to use the training I received from the Primal Health Coach Program I just finished last month. I have seen such drastic improvements in my life I was inspired to start the program earlier this summer with the hope to use my increased knowledge to help others. I currently work in a high school setting (PE and Athletics), I love what I do and the people and students I work with, and I have no plans to leave there to start a health coaching business. I will at first offer to help my friends and family in any way I can and see where I go from there. I look forward to sharing the amazing resources and knowledge I have gained from the program with anyone willing to listen. Combining that with my past experiences will be a good foundation to help others better their lives in any way possible. Hopefully, I can make an impact.

— Kevin Christensen

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

[cynthiamwashington]

I Thought Any Weight Issue Could Be Corrected With Chronic Exercise

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I contemplated writing this Mark’s Daily Apple success story a few times over the last three years and every time I decided it wasn’t a good idea, mainly because I thought “who am I and who would really care anyway”? The other reason is the last thing I wanted people to see plastered on the internet are my before and after pictures, how embarrassing! Being comfortable and confident with my body is never an attribute I have possessed. I actually even used a before photo that was about 10 pounds lighter than when I was my heaviest, but that was because I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror at that point, let alone take a picture.

Despite all of this, I think sharing my story (and those pictures) is important because I think it can help people, it can show the powerful changes that can be made in health and body composition by making some very important lifestyle adjustments. I wanted to use the words “simple” or “easy” adjustments in that last sentence, but they are not always simple and easy. Yet, they are important.

I don’t think my exact formula will be right for everyone, but the majority of people can find something that they can apply to their life to make a positive change. And whether or not you find something in my story that inspires you, I have just landed you on one of the most powerful websites to change your health and your life, so for that you’re welcome. I think it is important to take your health into your own hands—research, read, ask questions—because it is obvious conventional wisdom and general health/nutrition information are deeply flawed, and Mark’s Daily Apple can help in your quest for knowledge!

Below I have organized my story in categories- “Before,” “After,” “Resources,” and “Moving Forward.” If you want to jump right into the details of how I went from 220-plus pounds to the 180-185 pounds I consistently stay at now, then scroll down to the “After” portion and start there.

Before

Below is a summary of the different phases of my life until five years ago when I turned thirty-years-old.

Childhood

I was born in the 1980s and grew up in the 90s, which seems to be prime time for the low fat era. At home, school, and in the media we were taught that fat should be avoided in our diet, and we had to make sure we get our 6-11 servings of cereals, grains, and pasta. For me that was not a problem, I could eat carbohydrates all day long!

I loved to play sports growing up and tried to be outside as much as possible playing football, basketball, and baseball. I never really thought about how food affected my performance in sports, or my body composition, I just ate whatever I could as fast as possible so I could get to the next game. My weight fluctuated when I was younger. I was never obese or even too overweight, I would describe myself as “slightly chubby” at times. There were other moments during growth spurts, and highly active moments of a sports season, where I was normal weight and not carrying any extra fat on my body.

High School

Once I got to high school I made the brilliant decision as a five foot ten inch tall, fairly slow kid, to focus on playing basketball. I was consistently carrying 10-15 pounds of extra weight, and not only was I teased a bit for it, but I wasn’t the best player I could be due to the extra weight, and that is what bothered me the most. Of course the comments about how my body looked hurt a bit, but I was a good enough player that most people looked past it and appreciated me for my play on the court.

The food environment in high school wasn’t always great, with getting older came more independence and opportunities to eat outside of my home, which lead me to fast and affordable food choices.

I really had no clue what healthy eating was. In fact healthy for me was heading to a juice place for a sugar filled beverage and a soft pretzel. Thank goodness I played a lot of basketball and was introduced to lifting weights at the same time, otherwise I have no doubt I would have been considered obese.

Even with a few extra pounds on my frame at the end of high school I had become a good enough player that I was able to move on and become a member of the men’s basketball team at a NCAA Division 2 university. Thanks to the support of my family and coaches I was able to live my dream of playing college basketball.

College

Once I got to Sonoma State University (located in Sonoma County-Northern California) it was obvious that physically I was going to have a tough time on the basketball court. It took me a few years to get in good enough shape to consistently make a contribution in games, but eventually I would be an all-conference guard and conference champion my senior year (for more on the many basketball related adjustments I made check out my book “Bench Rules: A Guide to Success On and Off the Bench” on Amazon). In fact, one of the strategies I joked about with my teammates, but it had a little truth to it, is that every time I went to a fast food restaurant I just stopped ordering french fries. Boom! Ten pounds lost very quickly.

The biggest adjustment I made was tracking what I ate. I started to add a lot more real food in my diet and eating less food that came from a box, package, or fast food restaurant. It was far from an optimal diet, but the actual process of writing it down made me think about what I was putting in my body, how it made me feel and perform, and that helped me make better decisions.

Post College

I had a short stint in a European basketball league, which enabled me to live in beautiful Vienna, Austria for a few months and get paid to play a game I love. That experience also helped me realize I had reached my full potential as a player, and I was done putting my body through the stress it took me to perform at that level. I decided it was time to move on to a different stage of my life.

A couple years after I left Vienna I married my college girlfriend Megan, who was a soccer player when we were at SSU, and a couple years later we had our first child. In those four years of not playing basketball, and not really making any adjustments to my Standard American Diet (I was still tracking what I ate on and off), I managed to put on more weight than I ever had.

Now, at this time I was still lifting weights and running, my two preferred forms of exercise, but this was not enough to keep the weight off as it was nothing close to the volume and intensity of exercise I endured as a basketball player.

With the increase in weight came some minor health issues, for instance I was diagnosed with GERD. I would get constant heartburn that felt bad enough to make me think I was having some kind of heart attack. I even got hooked up to an EKG machine at one point because I was so convinced something was wrong. A doctor I saw recommended I take a Prilosec pill everyday and eat a low fat diet, which I followed religiously until I saw I was putting on more weight. It was extremely frustrating to see zero changes in my body composition with an increased focus on my health and diet. There had to be something else I could do!

After

Finding A New Way

I was turned on to primal/ancesteral health when I was told about a cbssports.com article on nutrition in the NBA. The story revolved around Dr. Cate Shanahan and her work with the LA Lakers. The whole series of articles led me to a Google search and one of the first websites I found was Mark’s Daily Apple (MDA). The website piqued my interest right away, it was so informative, filled with many wonderful articles and success stories, and ultimately I knew I had to give it a try.

One of the first inforgraphics I saw, and it still sticks out in my head to this day, is the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve. This is one I still share with people who ask me how I eat now, that and of course the ten primal laws. Mark’s Daily Apple is still my “go-to” source when I have any question on health or nutrition. What I love about MDA is that if I have a question about any topic, I can search for it and I am guaranteed to find an article with Mark’s point of view and links to any necessary studies or additional information. It is also an absolute must to check out the Primal Blueprint 101 section if you are new to the website, everything you could possibly need to know is there!

Below are the major adjustments I made to my life. Growing up in organized sports, and as a victim of conventional wisdom, I thought any weight issue could be solved with exercise. It wasn’t until I bought into the idea that “80 percent of your body composition is determined by what you eat” that I saw real change. It is for that reason that “Diet” is first on this list, and by far the most important. I am now low enough in body fat to somewhat see my abs, this was never the case even in 2-3 hours a day of college basketball practice over a five-year span (I spent one year as a redshirt). I had to make a change to my diet for this to happen, and I exercise less than I ever have.

Diet

Inspired by the Primal Blueprint Carbohydrate Curve I limit daily carbohydrate intake to less than 100 grams per day. Most days I aim to stay under 50 grams, and often I decide to restrict low enough and consistently enough to dip into in to ketosis. Aiming to keep my carbohydrates low has helped me to EAT REAL FOOD and avoid most processed/packaged foods.

I also eliminated sugars and grains from my diet. Obviously these calories had to be replaced so I started eating more healthy fat- olive oil, coconut oil (MCT Oil as well), and butter. However, the majority of my food is animals and plants along with nuts, healthy fats (listed above), and some fruit and dark chocolate. Check out the Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid, I also like Time Noakes’ Real Meal Revolution Food List.

This way of eating becomes very easy very quickly. Like I said above I like to keep carbohydrates fairly low, so once you learn the macronutrient make-up of food you can easily make a selection of what to eat anywhere you go. I suggest tracking what you eat at first, but eventually there is no need once you get used to it. I do not want to demonize carbohydrates, I like what world renowned strength coach Charles Poliquin says about them, his thought is that you must “deserve your carbohydrates. Your levels of muscle mass, volume and intensity of training, percentage of body fat and insulin sensitivity will determine how many grams of carbs you can afford. Some people obviously need to restrict their carbs to 10 licks of a dried prune every six months.”

If you restrict carbohydrates enough your body will be forced to start to use your own body fat for fuel. Transitioning your body to a lower carb eating strategy, essentially turning your body into a fat burning beast, can be tough for a few days up to to a few weeks, especially the first time coming from a Standard American Diet. Give it time, trust the process, it works.

I don’t count calories, or feel they are the whole story in relation to weight loss, I also believe the effect on hormones in the body is very important to normalizing/losing weight. In relation to calories I do think a low carb high fat diet is more satiating, while also not subjecting your body to insulin spikes all day, and ultimately causes many to eat less food. That is the case for me anyway.

I do occasionally eat foods that are higher in carbohydrates, foods that are definitely not “healthy” by anyone’s standards, and I usually feel terrible after eating them. Probably the one thing I found that aggravates my stomach the most, the one that hurt the most to eliminate, was beer. I will still drink a beer on rare occasions, and naturally my digestive system and sleep suffer because of it.

Food quality is not something I worried about at first. Initially I think it is easiest to just worry about limiting carbohydrates and eating as much fat and protein as necessary so you are never hungry. Once I adapted to the diet and got my bearings, I started to worry more about finding properly raised meat and local organic vegetables. While it does cost more, and I realize I am lucky enough to be able to afford these costs, it is important to both my health and the environment.

Fasting

I have experimented with intermittent fasting, both 16-hour fasts and some 24 hour fasting. This past month of July I did a 18/6 fast every day, and while I don’t find it hard to skip breakfast in the morning, I like to eat breakfast. I generally workout first thing in the morning and find I feel better eating post workout. I still may occasionally fast on a non-workout day, simply holding off breakfast until early afternoon.  Now I just let my hunger dictate meal timing, if I am hungry I eat, if I am not I don’t eat. Hunger on a low carbohydrate diet is much different than hunger on a diet filled with carbohydrates, my family still jokes about my “Hanger Issues” from the past that were constant because of the types of food I was eating.

Since beginning this new lifestyle my wife (Megan) has joined on and she has also seen big improvements in her body composition following two pregnancies. She has allowed me to share a before and after picture of us, in the before picture she has the excuse of only being three months out from having a baby, I did not have the same excuse. What is also impressive about my wife’s improvement in body composition is that she has done it with pretty much zero structured exercise, which to me shows the power of changing what you eat to change how you look and feel. Megan was a soccer player at Sonoma State and she is now at the same weight she was when she was practicing/playing soccer six days a week for 2-3 hours, again with zero structured exercise. Our next task moving forward is to navigate the world of raising children, trying to give them the best life we can, and helping them face the food environment they will encounter in school and beyond.

Next up for me is to use the training I received from the Primal Health Coach Program I just finished last month. I have seen such drastic improvements in my life I was inspired to start the program earlier this summer with the hope to use my increased knowledge to help others. I currently work in a high school setting (PE and Athletics), I love what I do and the people and students I work with, and I have no plans to leave there to start a health coaching business. I will at first offer to help my friends and family in any way I can and see where I go from there. I look forward to sharing the amazing resources and knowledge I have gained from the program with anyone willing to listen. Combining that with my past experiences will be a good foundation to help others better their lives in any way possible. Hopefully, I can make an impact.

— Kevin Christensen

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