#the dimitri you once knew is dead. [post skip] | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

plumoh · 3 years

Text

[FE3H] This Isn’t An Embarrassment Competition, Guys

Rating: G

Word count: 2520

Summary: They bet on the number of times Felix and Sylvain are being affectionate in public; Annette is certain she won't lose. / post-AM route

Note: AO3 link. Humour, PDA, a compilation of Sylvix being embarrassing. Originally written for Sylvix week 2020!

“500 gold.”

“800 gold.”

“You are all cowards. 1500 gold!”

“You’re awfully confident, Annette…”

“I’ve seen them! I see them too often!”

Annette resists the urge to smile like she’s possessed as Felix joins them at the breakfast table, alone. He raises an eyebrow when all heads swivel to stare at him.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Annette exclaims, waving her hands frantically. “It’s a fine morning, isn’t it?”

“It’s literally freezing outside.”

“I mean, it’s a good day in Faerghan standards!”

Ashe, sitting across her, is visibly wincing and probably trying to become one with his chair. Annette bites the inside of her cheek and forces herself to stop talking as even Mercedes’s quiet amusement starts making her embarrassed. Oh well, they can thank her later for diverting Felix’s attention from their conversation!

Felix deems her reaction not worth another question and digs into his food. A mere minute later Sylvain strolls into the mess hall, grabs a plate of food at random, and heads towards their table, like a moth attracted to light. Annette clasps a hand over her mouth to hide her smile, and she knows they’re all holding their breath. The grin on Sylvain’s face is a dead giveaway.

“Hey guys, good morning!” he greets cheerfully.

He puts the plate on the table, next to Felix’s, and casually bends down to kiss Felix’s cheek not once, not twice, but three times, unashamed and practically glowing with joy.

“And good morning to you, sweetheart.”

“I told you to stop calling me that,” Felix mutters, but there is the smallest hint of satisfaction on his face.

Annette is now biting her lower lip, trying really hard not to laugh. They’re cute, but also disgustingly so. She actually doesn’t know if she hates them for that or not.

She glances briefly at Ashe, then Mercedes, and holds up a finger.

First act of public display of affection of the day. She bet on eight. She’s going to win so easily.

***

She knew that Sylvain would be the kind of person to show off his partner and to kiss them right in front of other people, but she didn’t account for Felix to also be embarrassing in public. Annette is a bigger romantic than they are, but she isn’t going to enjoy kissing her significant other or holding hands with them when so many pairs of eyes are going to judge! She doesn’t have a death wish!

Felix is someone who likes keeping his privacy, but apparently the concept completely flew out of the window once he’s officially declared he was courting Sylvain. At first it was nothing exceptional, just some hand touches during meetings, Sylvain’s arm around Felix’s shoulders as usual, or lingering stares that made the temperature of the room go up at least five degrees. No, it was after their marriage that it started getting out of hand. Something about the bliss of being newly wed, the excitement of beginning a new life, and other reasons that Annette doesn’t quite believe apply to these particular idiots. Ingrid agrees with her; being embarrassing is in their nature.

Annette is visiting the castle for the day and attending meetings about education, and how they can improve the students’ learning experience. She probably won’t be stuck to Felix or Sylvain, but she is certain she will see enough of them to win the bet. And a lot of gold.

She walks towards the meeting room, her steps light. She knows that some nobles are thinking that nobody should appear so eager and happy early in the morning, as if it’s a rule established by the king himself—well, sucks to be them, Annette loves mornings, and this one is going to be wonderful.

Luck is smiling down on her; at the end of the corridor, she can see Felix’s blue coat and Sylvain’s fiery hair. They’re whispering to each other, not urgently, which can only mean they’re telling each other goodbyes for the day. Or the morning. Most likely the morning, because the chances of them not meeting for lunch are slimmer than Felix skipping a training session. Annette is squinting at their figures, then rolls her eyes when she makes out the shape of their hands linked together.

Sweet words and hand holding in the middle of a corridor? That definitely counts as PDA.

***

Meetings are still incredibly boring, even after a few years of attending them regularly. Annette likes contributing to the educational system, but most of the time they don’t make much progress after discussing for one hour or two, which frustrates her a lot. This deserves a cookie break.

On her way to the gardens, she bumps into Ingrid, who is doing her usual rounds in the castle grounds—even during peacetime, she doesn’t take her duties lightly.

“Hi Ingrid!” Annette greets her. “Have you heard of our new bet?”

“Hello, Annette.” Ingrid smiles. “Yes, Mercedes told me she expects the two idiots to be gross in public six times today.”

“Ashe said it would be four times because they calmed down, but I think he’s just being nice. It’s not even lunchtime yet and I already caught them twice!”

Ingrid shakes her head and sighs. Annette wonders what it must feel like to hear about your childhood friends getting into trouble every day, and being unable to do anything to change that. Well, during their academy days, Annette also had her fair share of Sylvain-incidents to take care of, but it’s probably not comparable of years of antics. Ingrid loves them still, which means that this has become a natural task in her routine? Annette still feels kind of bad for her.

“Felix and Sylvain were headed to see His Majesty earlier, before I left for my rounds. Some nobles were asking for an audience, so Sylvain took the opportunity to introduce himself as Felix’s husband who, and I quote, ‘is like the best part of myself, precious and dangerous, and I love him with my entire being’.”

Annette bursts out laughing. “Ugh, Sylvain is such a sap! The count goes up to three! And I thought they weren’t stuck together today?”

“They are not, and that’s exactly why this is ridiculous.”

Maybe they know about the bet and they’re doing it on purpose.Lunchtime rolls around and they all gather in the mess hall once again. Annette sees Ashe already sitting with Felix and Sylvain, the three of them deep in conversation about horses, Sylvain talking with his hands like he always does while Ashe jabs his finger at him.

“Stop talking and eat, we don’t have all day,” Felix says.

Annette sits next to Ashe just as Felix scoops up some vegetables and a piece of meat with his fork, and directly deposits the content into Sylvain’s mouth, who readily accepts the offering with a smile. They’re making eyes at each other. That never happened before; Annette is speechless. Ashe stops talking mid-sentence.

“Wow, aren’t we bothering them, Ashe?”Annette asks lowly, glancing his way.

“Uh.”

Felix rolls his eyes. “What are you gawking at? Mind your own business.”

This is the fourth occurrence. Annette knew she was going to get richer by the end of the day, but she didn’t think it would be that predictable. Don’t they feel embarrassed? Don’t they think it’s awkward to spread their love like that, unbridled and free for everyone to see? Annette would be mortified if it were her. Who does that, in goddamn Faerghus?

Ashe coughs and attempts resuming the conversation from earlier (fast horses or something), but he’s struggling getting the words out because Felix keeps feeding Sylvain. Sylvain has hands! He can eat by himself! Annette is going to scream.

“W-What are you supposed to do this afternoon?” she cuts in, clutching her utensils a bit too firmly.

“Oh, I just have to see some guys for a problem about food supply chain,” Sylvain answers with a shrug. “Nothing exciting.”

“You could come with me to watch the new recruits after that,” Ashe suggests.

Sylvain makes a face. “Are you asking me to train?”

“A bit of training wouldn’t hurt you.” Felix snorts. “I have to accompany Dimitri in his duties today, and I’m going now.”

Felix rises from his chair, and before he can walk away, Sylvain takes his wrist and tugs him down for a kiss on the mouth. It’s the kind of kiss that doesn’t last long, but it’s not a simple brush of lips either, it’s the kind involving sucking and licking. They’re enjoying it too much.

“See you later,” Sylvain says, grinning.

“Yeah, don’t slack off,” Felix says.

Ashe leans towards her, and whispers harshly, “This counts double, right?”

“Of course it counts double,” Annette replies on the same tone. “That makes currently five for me. You lost.”

Ashe sighs. “Well, I had too much faith in them.”

***

Actually, since Felix is with Dimitri all afternoon, he shouldn’t be able to meet up with Sylvain, right? There is no reason for them to cross paths, and even if they did, doing something inappropriate in the presence of the king and other dignitaries would be highly frowned upon, right?

“That has never stopped them before,” Dedue says calmly, almost like he’s accepted his fate.

The greenhouse is quiet, as they water plants and cut some leaves for a tea blend.

“It was funny at first, but now it’s downright disconcerting!” Annette whines.

“You don’t spend much time at the castle, but I do assure you that these public displays of affection have almost become an attraction to many people here.”

“You’re joking.”

The corner of Dedue’s mouth twitches upwards. “I am not. Consider yourself lucky to be away from this nonsense, Annette.”

Still, Dedue sounds entertained. He doesn’t partake in their silly games or bets, but he’s always there to witness the results of the events, collecting evidence of their general stupidity and bad decisions—like that one time they all tried to make a very drunk Dimitri dance and sing, which ended in too many broken expensive furniture, even for the royal treasury; Felix was not amused.

“I believe that they are trying to see how far they can keep this up before someone starts berating them for their behaviors,” Dedue muses.

“That wouldn’t surprise me,” Annette mutters. “Ingrid warned them multiple times, but they don’t listen.”

“They don’t listen to anyone, not even to His Majesty.”

Suddenly, it occurs to Annette that Dimitri has probably seen way more than they all did, and he must be suffering greatly.

***

The sixth time Annette sees them spilling their love all over the place can’t really be considered a show of PDA, but if she caught them in the act, then anybody could. The sun is nearly setting and Dimitri, with his close advisors, are taking a walk in the gardens, greeting the last visiting nobles who couldn’t get a glimpse of him all day. Felix flanks his right while Dedue stands on his left, and Sylvain has magically materialized to trail behind them, all smiles and charm.

Sylvain is saying something to Felix, but Felix shakes his head, like he’s refusing a request or expressing how doubtful he is of whatever he heard. Sylvain laughs, then takes Felix’s hand to kiss it like he’s still courting him, and this time it makes Felix blush at the ears. Something so innocent, which can even be considered relatively common to greet another noble, is igniting such a warm reaction in him. It was a quick gesture but Annette saw it! Even if Dimitri is in the vicinity exuding his kingly aura, drawing attention to him, that doesn’t mean his advisors are invisible!

So yes, PDA!

***

They’re having dinner with Dimitri in his quarters, all eight of them (the Professor is sadly held back by their duties as Archbishop). The room they are in isn’t fitted to accommodate so many dinner guests, but with some arrangement and goodwill they can all sit perfectly around a table.

Felix is sitting on Sylvain’s lap.

“How are you going to eat like that?” Ingrid groans.

“Don’t worry, we always make things work.” Sylvain winks.

“You two look like you are having fun,” Mercedes comments with a smile.

“I’m not,” Ashe mumbles.

“It’s not unpleasant,” Felix says, unhelpful.

Annette glances at Dimitri, who is softly laughing at their antics. Dedue discreetly sighs but he doesn’t seem totally opposed to this...seating predicament, so he’s letting it slide. Unless he’s giving Annette an opportunity to win the bet, which would be extremely generous of him. That’s indeed the seventh occurrence, and it’s now a matter of time before Annette gets her sweet 3000 gold.

They eat, talk and reminisce all evening. Spending time together with no worries, no duties to think about, never fails to bring a smile on everyone’s faces. Annette likes these evenings where they’re not their titles, especially when Dimitri lets himself enjoy a moment of respite, free of the crown he’s wearing.

The hours pass by, bottles of alcohol are emptied, but still no sign of a kiss or loving gazes. Annette supposes it’s still early.

When some of them start dozing off and Annette herself is blinking away her sleepiness, Felix gets up to fetch blankets, then drops them on a nearby couch and yells at them to sleep if they can’t remain awake—that’s actually thoughtful of him. He goes back to sitting too close to Sylvain, but at least he’s not sitting in his lap anymore.

“This can be embarrassing to watch, but I am actually happy to see Felix and Sylvain unrestrained in their love,” Dimitri admits sheepishly.

Annette hits her forehead against the table.

“I don’t mean any offense, but they’re kind of exhausting.”

“Yes, they are,” Dimitri laughs. “But they have always been close.”

“...Your heart is made of gold, Your Majesty.”

“Oh, I am simply waiting for the day it goes too far.”

At this Annette jerks her head up, staring at Dimitri who keeps smiling, his eye glinting with playfulness.

“My lecture will be unforgettable.”

It sounds so honest and normal that Annette can’t help but snicker, imagining Felix’s and Sylvain’s faces twisted in a grimace as they listen to their king rant about propriety and manners and etiquette.

She ends up falling asleep on her chair after talking a while longer with Dimitri, vaguely aware she is forgetting about something.

***

“You’re telling me they behaved?!”

“Yes, unfortunately for you, the number of public displays of affection stopped at seven yesterday.”

“Wait, but those seven occurrences are what I’ve seen and heard about! I’m sure someone witnessed something we didn’t!”

Annette lets out a long whine, as Mercedes pats her shoulder.

“I’m sorry Annie, there is no way to confirm it.”

“So no one won the bet?” Annette asks.

“See the bright side: you didn’t lose money.”

Mercedes smiles kindly at her, but Annette knows that behind this smile her best friend is teasing her. One more occurrence and she could have won… There is no way Felix and Sylvain didn’t know; evil, the both of them.

#fe3h #sylvix #annette fantine dominic #felix hugo fraldarius #sylvain jose gautier #annette is so much fun to write and she's a real ray of sunshine #sylvain and felix are just stupid!!#the ensemble cast feeling that second-hand embarassment was A Lot for them

18 notes · View notes

agent-cupcake · 4 years

Text

Dimitri and mental illness

**Warnings for Blue Lions spoilers and armchair psychology

Depending on who you ask, Dimitri is an innocent sweetheart whose actions are entirely excusable and justified or an unforgivable war criminal and overall terrible character. Arguments for both sides have been exhausted, usually in the form of the popular Edelgard versus Dimitri debate, but I feel that both statements are heavily flawed and, truthfully, I think I take more issue with the former. Does it strike anyone else as rather patronizing that the audience (and the game, to an extent) treats Dimitri like an innocent, broken uwu soft boy both before the time skip and once he begins his recovery arc? Of course, a lot of this can be blamed on the awful pacing and poor writing of said recovery (which is the most valid structural critique of his character imo), but there’s a lot to be said about the fan depiction of Dimitri and the way people treat his mental illness. I think the reason this gets me is because I see it as an extension of the problems I have with the romanticization of male-specific mental illness. In this case, “all depressed boys are emasculated, soft, sad bois” and “anger is an accessory that is vanished once the cute boy takes it off” with the related sentiment of “the only two real mental illnesses are depression and anxiety, with a splash of PTSD for argument's sake”. And, speaking of arguments, while many people bring up mental illness in regards to the discussion around Three Houses characters, it is often supplementary to support their points rather than the main point unto itself. Dimitri’s mental illness (aka, the thing his entire arc is predicated upon) is mostly given only a passing recognition in the discussion of his actions. Even then, it’s often used as a justification to defend or lambaste him.

TL;DR Dimitri is a flawed person with a debilitating and incredibly well written mental illness that, while not excusing his actions, allows for further exploration of his character and a well-deserved shot at a recovery arc that is not usually awarded to people with the “non-traditional” mental illnesses. Furthermore, the game offers a wealth of insight as to what they intended his mental illness to be, the symptoms that manifested, and a plausible background to match up with it all and I have the receipts to prove it. Let’s go~

“Me? Oh. Um. Please forgive me... It's difficult to open up on the spot, don't you think? I'm afraid my story has not been a pleasant one... I do hope that doesn't color your view of me, but I understand if that can't be helped.”

I know that mental illness can be singularly caused by a traumatic event or events. That is, generally, how I see people framing Dimitri’s mental illness. My argument, however, is that the Tragedy of Duscur was not the genesis, but the trigger for issues that would exist otherwise. Perhaps it’s due to my own personal experience with mental illness, but I’m almost always more inclined to believe that issues stem from an unlucky combination of many things.

Regardless, my evidence to entertain the idea that he would be naturally predisposed to mental illness is slim. Aside from arguing that it wouldn’t be out of the question for his mother to have been unwell while she was pregnant with him considering she would later die of plague (a cause that in and of itself is subject to skepticism), I would bring up his Crest. In-game there is clear proof that Crests have wide-reaching effects on the person, there are actually a few analysis posts that hypothesize that Crests could be the reason for certain character motivations. In ng+, the Crest of Blaiddyd is called the Grim Dragon Sign. There’s no definitive proof to point to here, but if his Crest was one of the reasons for his mental deterioration it would follow other rules set in-game. Rather than inherited human genetics creating the blueprint for mental issues and the writers having to face that issue on its own terms, it was the Crest’s influence. This goes along with the fact that the game never overtly references Dimitri’s illness, essentially using “the dead” as a blanket symptom of his problems. Both these things are cool ways to imply a possible way to read more deeply without having to use anachronistic medical terms.

Side note: There’s something uncomfortable about the idea of a Crest that gives the individual inhuman strength and mental issues. Grim Dragon indeed.

My next point is one that I don’t see being brought up too often in regards to how it might have affected Dimitri, likely because the events that came later in his life far overshadow it, but Dimitri lost his mom when he was young. The date is not given, but I think it’d be when he was about six-ish. Admittedly, the timeline is strange and non-specific around here but if that were true, it would mean that the plague, Dimitri’s mother’s death, and Lambert and Rodrigue’s war campaign to subjugate the southern half of Sreng would all have happened around the same time. Dimitri says he doesn’t remember it, but that doesn’t necessarily matter. At six years old he had lost one parent and the other one left him to go on a battle march, leaving this child without any sort of parent figure to console him in a country that is culturally opposed to expressing emotion. Lambert will probably always remain a mystery, but I think it could be fair to say he was a poor father. Or at the very least a distant one. Dimitri was undoubtedly a sensitive child (if we’re to judge by the sensitive person he grew up to be) and during the years where he was actually becoming old enough to remember, he had nobody to teach him how to properly navigate and manage his emotions. Emotional neglect in a child who is predisposed to being emotional and empathetic can leave them suffering from a sense of isolation, an inability to ask for help, and a predisposition to having break downs as they get older.

But three-ish years later, possibly one of the best things that ever would happen to Dimitri came to pass and Lambert married Patricia. Dimitri adored her.

“I share no blood with my stepmother, but to hear you say that... It pleases me greatly. She was the one who raised me. I suppose it makes sense that we would share certain mannerisms.” (Dimitri’s B support with Hapi)

I don’t think Dimitri’s feelings about Patricia can be overstated, as I feel it’s one of the most defining aspects of his reactions to things that happen later on. Dimitri talks about Patricia more lovingly than he talks about Lambert. She was in his life for around four to five years but had such an impact on him that even his mannerisms are similar.

Soon after, a ten-year-old Dimitri made his first friend that wasn’t knightly, who didn’t embody those Faerghus ideals of stifling emotions and swinging swords.

People point out the Faerghus crew as Dimitri’s best friends, and yet Edelgard is the one associated with his best memories. It’s just my own assumptions, but I think that it’s because both Edelgard and Patricia gave Dimitri space to be an emotional child, to not have to be the knightly prince who had no emotions and engaged only in the most masculine of activities. And, I mean, look at them. He’s learning to dance and she’s bossing him around, absolutely no regard for propriety.

It’s pretty clear that Dimitri doesn’t feel romantic feelings towards Edelgard in the academy phase, but I think it would be fair to say she was his first love when they were young. He essentially says this was the best year of his life and establishes Edelgard as someone very precious to him (as well as the daughter of one of the most precious people to him). Strong feelings beget strong feelings, do they not?

Google says that eleven to fourteen is the general age of male puberty. It’s the time that kids begin to more fully define how they’re going to emotionally interact with people and the world at large. Meeting Edelgard was at the cusp of this period of Dimitri’s life, and the Tragedy of Duscur was right in the midst of it.

And we all know what that turned out.

Dimitri’s accounts of what happened during the Tragedy are... conflicting. This CG of an unharmed Dimitri in a field of corpses is... conflicting.

“My father...was the strongest man I knew. Someone I loved and admired deeply. That said, he was killed before my eyes. His head severed clean off. My stepmother, the kindest person I had ever known, left me behind and disappeared into the infernal flames.”

I’ve seen people create a plausible scenario in which Dimitri’s recollection is entirely accurate, where he saw Lambert call for revenge and get beheaded, saw Glenn’s ruined body and face twisted in pain, saw his step-mother disappear into the flames, and all despite the raging chaos of the battle and how people would undoubtedly be targeting the prince, but I think it makes more sense that his memories are unreliable. Dimitri suffered a severe head injury (very important to keep in mind) at Duscur. Maybe that happened early on, after seeing who attacked Lambert but before he was an actual target himself, which merely made him look dead. Maybe he saw a version of the events he described, but through the filter of confused head trauma, smoke inhalation, and intense terror. To think that his recollection isn’t exactly entirely reliable sets a precedent for his later skewed take on reality.

Regardless of opinion, though, the facts are that Dimitri left Duscur with a traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder.

After that, from thirteen to seventeen, Dimitri was pretty isolated. Most of the people he cared about were dead. His entire emotional support system (Patricia) was gone. He saved Dedue (although they were definitely not on even terms, that relationship is unbalanced to the extreme) and occasionally saw Rodrigue (who I have no reason to believe was emotionally accommodating in any way considering the way he sees Dimitri as an extension of Lambert to his dying breath). Again, it’s strange. People act like Dimitri was super close friends with the Faerghus crew, that he was surrounded by people who loved him (although it is clear there is a lot of love there), but he never presents things in a way to imply that’s the case. In fact, he highlights his isolation:

“In Duscur, I lost my father, stepmother, and closest friends. I didn't have many allies at the castle after that. In truth, I had only Dedue for companionship.”... “I once had people I could confide in. Family, friends, instructors, even the royal soldiers. But they were all taken away from me four years ago.” (Dimitri’s C support with Byleth.)

Two years passed before the next time Dimitri saw his friends and it was a war campaign, putting down the rebellion in western Faerghus. Dimitri speaks about those battles from a place of deeply affected emotion, expressing empathy, pain, and disgust with his actions and the killing.

“I recall coming across a dead soldier's body. He was clutching a locket. Inside was a lock of golden hair. I don't know to whom it belonged. His wife, his daughter...mother, lover... I'll never know.... in that moment, I realized he was also a real person, just like the rest of us… Killing is part of the job, but even so... There are times when I'm chilled to the bone by the depravity of my own actions.” (Dimitri’s B Support with Byleth)

I love this support, honestly. It’s so very telling about the destructive quality of empathy. Although caring can be a good thing, it’s also arguably one of the most destructive of Dimitri’s qualities. His empathy is what presents him with situations he cannot accept, the thing that pushes him to disassociate from reality so he can be rid of it and fight without remorse like he was taught to do by his father and other soldiers. Dimitri is a man of extremes. Either total control or none, without any room for error. This dialogue is also the first time Dimitri brings up reconciling himself with reality and hints to the fact that he has been unable to do so. This is contrasted perfectly in this line from Felix,

“The way you suppressed that rebellion... It was ruthless slaughter and you loved every second. I remember the way you killed your victims. How you watched them suffer. And your face...that expression. All the world's evil packed into it...” (Dimitri’s C Support with Felix)

Dimitri doesn’t deny this. Just like all of the other terrible things Felix says, he takes it without protesting in an act of what I think is stilted contrition. Although, it’s not just in supports that Dimitri’s contrasting behavior is brought up. The Remire incident probably works as a good reference for what Felix saw all those years back.

This is the first time we see Dimitri’s darker side in full. The similarities in the situation to what is shown to have happened in the Tragedy of Duscur are interesting. The fire, the utter chaos, strange figures watching it all from above. This is another case of a perfect disaster. I wonder if his ultimate snap would have been so destructive if not for Remire.

Anyway, this draws parallels to his and Felix’s separate recall of the rebellion because later Dimitri apologizes.

“Professor... I...I'm sorry you saw that side of me in the village… When I saw the chaos and violence there...my mind just went completely dark.”

Dimitri is unreliable. A lack of control, a separation of self, and becoming consumed by a dark rage only to come to his senses later, full of shame and a sense of confusion about why. From my own experience, it’s not unnatural to come out of an episode like this without being able to explain what was happening and being baffled by your behavior. This firmly establishes Dimitri’s uncomfortably fast mood shifts in relation to his trauma from the Tragedy and confirms all of the warnings Felix had given. When Dimitri was faced with a reality he could not accept, he lost control of his emotions and his mental state shifted to adapt accordingly.

This is when I’d also like to note something interesting about how Dimitri discusses his trauma. He is very honest and open about his experiences, explaining exactly what happened to him to Byleth. However, he uses the truth to hide. In recounting the events of the Tragedy of Duscur, in talking about how his family died and saying how badly it hurt him, he does not make himself vulnerable. When he admits weakness, he does so in the past tense or apologetically, vowing to be stronger. “Stronger”, aka, he’ll be better in suppressing his emotions.

“I always strive to keep my emotions at bay, but... Sometimes the darkness takes hold and...it's impossible to suppress. It just shows you how lacking I am... I have much to learn.”

Dimitri lies by using the truth, shoving down his feelings, and blaming himself rather than attempting to figure out how to handle his emotions. In his own words:

“Everyone has something that is unacceptable within them. I certainly do, and I'd wager you do as well. I wonder which is best, Professor... To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway...”

Good advice Dimitri. Might want to keep that in mind.

It is at this point is when I’m going to get into my personal thoughts and armchair psychiatry nonsense.

First off, when I mentioned earlier about “non-traditional” mental illness, I did not mean abnormal or rare. Although people mostly just point to Dimitri having PTSD (and depression) as the source of his issues, I’m going to use all of my above information to make the (decently common) argument that Dimitri is schizophrenic, which is, contrary to popular belief, not too unusual. I state that with the caveat that I understand that there’s a lot to be said about schizophrenia and the tumultuous relationship between mental health and fiction. However, now is not really the time to go into mental health politics and representation or the many lies spread about the illness so instead, I recommend that you read into the topic if you’re personally interested (This has some good information).

At the very least be aware that this IS sensationalized.

That said, Dimitri does not, to my understanding using grossly simplified terms, meet the qualifications generally (very generally) used to diagnose schizophrenia through the majority of the White Clouds chapters. These qualifying symptoms include, but are not limited to, the duration of the psychotic episode, the concurrent presence of hallucinations and delusions, and a greatly lowered ability to keep up with basic quality-of-life tasks. You only see these symptoms in the final chapter of White Clouds and the first few of Azure Moon. This isn’t unusual, however, because schizophrenia manifesting fully in younger individuals is extremely uncommon, sometimes taking years to trigger during a person’s late teens. And since the diagnosis generally relies on the occurrence of a psychotic episode, it can be mistaken as other mood disorders. Actually, the idea of him having a mood disorder was one of the things that caught my eye originally. Prodromal symptoms such as depression, irritability, headaches, sleep disruption, and mood swings are common in bipolar disorder (and, of course, schizophrenia).

Still, I don't deny that Dimitri has PTSD and depression, only that I don’t think PTSD is his main (or only) issue. In reality, PTSD and schizophrenia are closely tied. They share many symptoms, even the symptom of psychosis. There’s also evidence that those with genetic precedent to develop PTSD overlap with those at risk for schizophrenia, and that the nature of PTSD triggers can act as a severe stressor to aggravate a schizophrenic episode.

(From here)

This falls into the realm of being uncertain where one ends the other begins, highlighting the lack of concrete understanding about schizophrenia and the dependency of diagnosis and treatment to rely entirely on the individual experience, but that’s not a conversation I’m actually qualified to have.

The study that truly caught my eye and while researching for this was one called “Psychiatric disorders and traumatic brain injury”. As I mentioned, at some point during the Tragedy, Dimitri sustained severe head trauma. We know this because of his development of the rare inability to taste called ageusia. I was originally interested in following this narrative thread because, as you might know if you follow true crime cases, there are many murderers who recall having sustained a head injury as children. Not that Dimitri shares similar psychology to people that kill and eat their victim's feet... Although his body count is higher. Besides that, head trauma, in general, is known to be linked to mental illness and altering a person’s behavior. There is even a correlation between TBI (traumatic brain injury) and schizophrenia.

From the study I linked above:

To put it more simply, patients in the study who had suffered TBI and developed schizophrenia reported that their most common symptoms were delusions of persecution, auditory hallucinations, and aggressive behaviors. The auditory hallucinations were often voices. Many of the subjects experienced psychotic episodes two or more years after the initial incident (although, as I mentioned, Dimitri’s age could also have something to do with the timing as children rarely have fully developed schizophrenic episodes). Furthermore, the behaviors classified as an absence of normal behaviors called “negative symptoms” (which include apathy and disordered speech) were rare in this testing group.

Dimitri exclusively displays “positive” symptoms of schizophrenia (“positive” meaning the presence of symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions). He also clearly suffers from delusions of persecution in his belief that Edelgard is the sole instigator of Duscur and the war and that he immediately accuses Byleth of being an Imperial spy upon meeting them post time skip. I think it’s pretty fascinating how closely Dimitri’s symptoms follow the outline of the study, especially with the aggressive behaviors, as those aren’t actually very common in schizophrenics.

In very, very simplistic terms, if I’m right and Dimitri was born with the genetic blueprint for schizophrenia/PTSD (through Crests, inheritance, or environmental causes) and later suffered severe head trauma in an event that also gave him PTSD in combination with his pre-existing parental issues and stilted emotional development, then this could definitely create the type of person who loses all sense of reality, can’t control his emotions, and is prone to episodes of murderous rage when being reminded of the trigger (however tangentially) of losing everything he loved.

However, I’ll add real quick that the study I mentioned should be taken with a grain of salt.

I use it mainly because I thought the similarities were interesting and it shows that there was more thought put into Dimitri than maybe people appreciate.

This brings us to my final point; Some kind of twisted joke.

A major point I saw being made as proof of how terrible Dimitri is as a character was that he blamed Edelgard for the Tragedy of Duscur (a time where she would have been twelve). More accurately, he blamed her for everything that had happened and the thing is, I don’t disagree with that critique entirely. However, this is a case of him being a bad person, not a bad character. This might seem like an odd distinction, but I think it changes the scope of deserved criticism.

As I’ve been trying so desperately to illustrate, Dimitri snapping wasn’t just because of Edelgard being revealed as the Flame Emperor. Rather, it was an unlucky combination of many things. His grasp and interpretation of reality were already hazy at best by the time she was unmasked, slowly falling apart as his prodromal symptoms worsened. Going into the fight, he believed the Flame Emperor to be responsible in whole or in part for the worst thing that had ever happened to him, guessed at Arundel’s involvement, had found (and lied about) the dagger, and was rapidly mentally deteriorating. While Dimitri suspected Edelgard’s involvement to some degree, he did his best to act like it wasn’t true.

Dimitri didn’t want it to be true. To the extent that he was willing to lie to Byleth (and to himself) to avoid reality. He cared deeply about Edelgard. The best year of his life was spent with her, she was his first love, and she was the daughter of the step-mother he adored. Strong feelings beget strong feelings, do they not? This reveal confronted Dimitri with something that he could not accept, so his mind sidestepped the issue altogether. Delusion convinced him that all of the fears and worries he had beforehand were related, all into one larger delusion that Edelgard had sole responsibility. It’s not right and maybe not even excusable, but it falls in line with everything else.

Edelgard and Dimitri. Bound by some twisted fate but forever doomed to be separated, unable to understand the other’s chosen path.

I do recognize the flaws of Dimitri’s character and arc. There are some pretty major flaws. I have parts of a post typed out about his shoddy recovery and how I’d fix it that, hopefully, one day will see the light of day as well as many complaints about the way the story is hindered by the need for flexibility to accommodate gameplay and a happy ending.

But, despite that, this has all been a very long-winded way of praising Dimitri’s writing. His mental illness has a surprising amount of depth and I loved studying it as intently as I did. I learned a lot about his character as well as about mental illness in general.

Ultimately, Dimitri is neither an innocent sweetheart whose actions are entirely excusable and justified or an unforgivable war criminal and overall terrible character. You can feel bad for his pain and his struggle with his illness and understand that as a reason for his actions, but you shouldn’t use it as justification. He had the opportunity to seek help before things got too bad. He was selfish with the mismanagement of his emotions and goals. However, he also was a victim. Dimitri worked to recover and mend the mistakes he made while he was unwell, which is a side of this mental illness that is rarely shown in media.

I wholeheartedly believe that, love him or hate him, Dimitri is the most well-written of the Three Houses characters,

#dimitri #fe dimitri #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fire emblem 16 #fire emblem #FE3H #fire emblem three houses #i spent an ungodly amount of time on this feel free to share your thoughts

174 notes · View notes

fandom-meanderer · 5 years

Note

give us your saddest and angstiest headcanons for claude seeing his s/o die on the battlefield! how would he react as it's happening, and what would he do afterward? how long would he mourn and would he try anything to get them back? i don't mind either pre time-skip or post time-skip! make us cry!

Saddest, angstiest, headcanons coming up, my dear.

It all happened so fast.

Unlike the other Deer, you and Claude stayed together. You followed him through thick and thin, and you supported his case no matter the stakes. You were always there for him, almost like you were conjoined at the hip. His partner in crime, his moonlight rendezvous, his back up, you were everything rolled into one. You even both shared the same opinion on this blasted war and you both worked together to try and find a peaceful end to it all. It all centered around all three of the original House leaders surviving, you both understood that, and it all relied on whether or not they were open to diplomatic relations. Claude, naturally, was always open to discuss peace with his previous classmates, the issue was with Dimitri and Edelgard, you both agreed. Regardless, to say you weren’t his most trusted confidant would be complete blasphemy. You were perfect to him, he was perfect to you, and that’s all that mattered.

It felt just like yesterday when the two of you reunited with the whole class, you and Leonie were smiling, talking about battles you have encountered, you and Raphael were keeping spirits up despite the detrimental war, you and Ignatz would paint portraits together of whatever random cat that strolled into the buildings, you and Lysithea read books on magic, you and Hilda were polishing weapons together, you and Marianne were tending to the horses, hell, even you and Lorenz were cracking jokes, and... And you and him were together. Then you were laughing amongst them like you used to, next you were training with that perfect smile on your face, gods, you were always able to find his weakness, weren’t you?

Right?

As long as you believed in each other, you would both get through this together, right?

...

Right?

So why?

Why did it have to be you?

And why did it have to be protecting him?

No, not Claude, you didn’t go down for him. You went down for Dimitri.

Dimitri of all people! The Feral King! The Boar Prince! Gods, there are so many more names for him Claude couldn’t even count them all. But still, there was that little voice in that pure heart of yours that always told you that the Dimitri both he and she were both friends with was still in there, and in fact he never left. But, by the Goddess above, how Claude wanted to rip that demon king’s head off and present it to Faerghus.

Oh gods... he sounds just like Dimitri now.

Is this what he felt?

Is this why he went insane?

He gets it now.

He finally understands, he understood it all when he realized that it only took five seconds. Five, that’s all the so called “merciful” Goddess gave you. In those five seconds, you were still able to turn to him, give him that damned smile he loved you for, then fall to the ground, with your blood staining the earth under you, that damned sword still impaled in you. And your own sword at that.

And, in a single heartbeat, he threw that accursed bow to the side and picked up your sword, he killed your assailant beyond question and charged into the frontlines himself, leaving no living being in his wake.

He was right about to kill Dimitri when he felt someone pulling him back. Raphael was the one who caught up first, Leonie came next, then the Professor. But in truth, it took all the Golden Deers to pry him out of that state, they realized that the only thing that would keep them alive is if they retreated from this bloody, bloody battle.

Claude’s throat was burning, his eyes stung, and his hands were bloodied and bruised. He was heaving, panting, and screaming all the same. This isn’t like him, he knows, usually he keeps his head cool, but that happened. That really happened. You were gone, and you were gone for good. And you died for such a stupid reason in such a stupid way, of all the ways to die it had to be like that. You had to hurt him like that. But you did it for a reason, you’d never just throw your life away. He knew that. He knew that. But he also knew that you would be slapping him senseless right now. So where were you?

“Something! Please, anyone do anything,” Claude plead. Marianne stood over your body, casting her healing spell, but she knew as well as anyone that there was nothing they could do. You were gone. And that was it.

There’s no turning back the clocks.

Byleth tried that, they tried everything to bring you back, but no matter the outcome, you always died. This was the best one. You got to say goodbye to Claude, after all. In all the other ones you either died alone or at the hands of Dimitri. And for some reason, Byleth understood more than anything why that wasn’t the best option.

Back at the monastery, things weren’t the same at all. Everything just seemed gloomier. All the flowers in the greenhouse withered, for one, you were always in charge of that, and no one could bring themselves to go into the building you loved so dear. The food in the dining halls just seemed more bland, for another, you weren’t there to experiment or blow up the entire darn kitchen. The whole area was just... dead.

Everyone missed you so much, too, not just Claude. Leonie lost one of her closest friends, Lysithea lost the closest thing she had ever had to an older sister, Raphael lost his optimist buddy, Ignatz lost his biggest fan, Hilda lost her best friend, Marianne lost her outlet, and Lorenz lost his means of getting through to Claude. But Claude? Claude lost everything when he watched you die.

Knowing this, Claude tried everything, and I mean everything, to bring you back.

He couldn’t do this without you.

He needed his confidant, his best friend, his lover. He needed you.

Claude wasn’t against any necromancy spells at this time. He wasn’t against sitting by your grave, slowly digging you out because “Dear Goddess! She can’t breathe in there, what if she isn’t dead?” It was a pitiful sight, really. Sometimes in strategy meetings he would habitually turn to his right side and ask what you think, and the first couple of times he did that was just so painful to watch, and the next few times were downright worrying because then Claude resorted to talking to himself as if you really were there.

All the deer kept their distance, they were all afraid of what Claude might do. What if he did end up like Dimitri? What if he really did dig your body up your grave? What if... what if he really brought you back? But it wasn’t you?

The Professor finally had to step in, remind Claude that he had an army to lead, and a war to stop. After all, isn’t that what you died for?

‘Isn’t that what you died for?’ Those words rang in Claude’s head endlessly.

After the fact, Claude was definitely different. He tried to keep up his original facade, but the rest of the deers knew so much better. They knew Claude, as much as they could at least, and they knew that he wasn’t handling this well. Once the Professor had gotten through with the Alliance leader, the rest of the deer rushed to help him through anything. Claude would joke that they were “babying” him, but really, what else could they do? After the rampage at Gronder Field, Claude realized what brought Dimitri down.

He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t be like that. There’s no way Dimitri was human anymore, but you died for that man. You died because you knew that deep down there was a solution to this war. And Claude couldn’t just put that to waste. But at the same time...

How could he do this without you?

Claude mourned for a long time. Even after the war, he was still mourning. Not even a statue in Almyra was enough to honor you, nothing ever would be. It was because of you, after all, that the war ended without anymore needless deaths. Your sacrifice brought Dimitri to his senses, after all. You were right all along, Dimitri was key in winning this war. And not a day went by where Dimitri felt never ending regret for what happened that day, and as much as Claude smiled through it, he never got over it either.

But for your sake, he’d pull his shit together and live up to the standard you died for. For your sake, he’ll pretend that he’s the same as ever, the schemer, the leader, the king. For your sake, he’ll stay on good terms with Dimitri, no matter how hard it was to look at him. For your sake, he’ll just be Claude.

Whoa that was longer than I thought, and a lot more out of character too. I was curious what would happen if Claude just snapped, you know? This kind of emerges from the whole flipped au but not really, I just wanted to focus on how he felt from then, idk, I think this ended up quite well in my opinion.

#Fire Emblem #Fire Emblem Three Houses #feth #fe3h #fe3h x reader #fe3h headcanons #claude von riegan #fe3h claude #claude x reader #golden deer #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd

492 notes · View notes

pokemagines · 5 years

Text

claude, sylvain, & mercedes + siding with another house

@loptoustome asked: “OKAY AS REQUESTED "choosing a different house post-time skip due to getting persuaded that they're the bad guys and as such turning against them while they still wait for ur return to their side" WITH UHHH WHOEVER AND HOWEVER MANY CHARACTERS U WANT!!! please feed me ANGST!! Love you, you nerd 😚💕💕”

a/n: djfkdjkfds sorry for all the angst its just. 3h feeds us so much good angst i cant help it !!! and ofc, i had to pick my three faves ;3 uhhh !!! i hope u live V wahoo -- mod touko

claude:

his grip on his bow tightens as he hears your voice rally your troops. so you were alive after all, it wasn’t just misinformation spread by edelgard’s army to instill fear in the remaining lords of the alliance. claude curses under his breath, why were you with her? you had been by his side all throughout the academy, entrusting you with so much of himself, secrets that not even nader or judith had been privy to. and here you were, trampling all over the promise you had made at the goddess tower that night so many years ago. how did he not see this coming? why did he trust you so easily? he feared his paranoia would increase tenfold after today.

he had prepared for so many scenarios, but all the plans he had made suddenly fell to ash as the sword of the creator fells enemy after enemy, only pulling its blows when your eyes lock with one of your former students. it seemed you still had a soft spot for them after all. the gears in his mind turn faster than his racing heart, if you still were going easy on them then surely--

it was a long shot, but then again what plans of his weren’t. he had exhausted all of the cards in his sleeve, if he didn’t sway you here then everything he had worked for would be for naught.

“teach!” he yells, circling you on his wyvern. you easily dodge an arrow he meant as a warning shot. despite you choosing edelgard over him, he didn’t want to hurt you. that was his last plan he had tucked into the back of his mind, if it came to it he would, but he knew he was really no match for you. “what happened to our promise? why did you side with edelgard?”

his words seem to cut to your heart. truly, you wished nothing more than to have him at your side, but you knew claude well enough by now. he would never abolish the church like you wished to do with edelgard. claude’s ambitions, though similar enough to edelgard’s weren’t drastic enough.

“i’ve made up my mind, claude.” you say, voice firm, commanding. you raise your sword up as if to warn him to back off. “i... i wish you could be at my side, but... edelgard is right.”

“well... if i can’t talk you out of it, i guess i’ll just have to show you what you’ve been missing, my friend” he flashes a fake, cheeky smile, his honeyed voice spitting venom as he says the old pet name he had for you. “[name], you’ll see the errors of your ways.”

sylvain:

all the love sylvain once had carried for you turned to blind hatred the minute he saw you fighting side-by-side with edelgard, the two of you bantering almost as if you were lovers. it sickened him as he thought of how many days he spent waiting for your return, that maybe, just maybe something in his life would go right for once. it was as if the goddess herself decided to mock him by taking what was just within his reach and pulling it away from him last second.

sylvain grips the lance of ruin tighter, the rain on the battlefield chilling him to the bone. he knew he was going to die here, or at least he hoped he did, but if he was going down, then so were you. if he couldn’t live with you, then you would both burn in the flames together.

he locks eyes on you, and you seem to freeze under his stare. for a moment, he thinks he spots guilt in your eyes, and he has to force back a laugh. here you were, fighting beside the same woman who murdered his friends and family, and you dare look at him that way?

“funny meeting you here, after years of me waiting for you to come back.” sylvain doesn’t even try to hide his malice, “do you know how many nights i searched? how many times i prayed and begged the goddess to bring you back to me?” you can’t meet his eyes, your sword hanging limply at your side. “but you knew that didn’t you?... and yet...” he swallows the lump in his throat. truthfully, he wished nothing more to rush to your side, embrace you affectionately, cry and scream his frustrations at you, tell you how fractured the blue lions were without your leadership, but he can’t. he couldn’t, he had convinced himself that he hated you by now. (so much so that he almost believed it himself).

“sylvain, i’m sorry, i could say it so many times and it still wouldn’t be enough to express what i feel.” the sword glows in your hand, “but i can’t go back now. my path is chosen.”

“your words mean nothing to me anymore,” he bites, “your path ends here.”

mercedes:

dimitri had lead them all to gronder field, the few who still followed the boar prince stationed at his side as he fought recklessly to kill edelgard. they didn’t account for the alliance army to also be there, a fact dimitri seemed to pay no mind to as he staggered across the field after edelgard’s head. mercedes was asked to follow him and heal him if need be, escorted by dedue, who was making sure no harm could befall his highness.

she couldn’t help but wonder if this was it. if she was going to die on the battlefield following her old friend who had lost himself in grief. last night, she had sent up extra prayers to the goddess, praying to keep everyone safe but she couldn’t help the pit of anxiety that grew in her gut, telling her that something awful was going to happen today.

mercedes doesn’t notice you until claude drops you from the back of his wyvern, setting you on the ground in front of dimitri, sword of the creator meeting areadbhar with a sickening crunching noise as bone meets bone. she covers her mouth in shock, why were you here, fighting beside claude instead of beside her, no, dimitri? you were the blue lions’s teacher, you had promised to meet up with them on that fated day, but you never came. mercedes took that sign to mean you were dead, but seeing you now showed that you were in fact very much alive. even now, you looked as if you hadn’t aged a day -- just as beautiful as she remembers you being, all those years ago.

she shakes her head, breaking out of her daydream as she hears dedue yelling for dimitri to retreat. reluctantly, he grits his teeth, shouting curses at the man as manuela warps him off the battlefield. dedue thanks her, before readying his axe to take on edelgard in his majesty’s stead. you don’t engage dedue, instead felling a few of the empire soldiers that start to encroach on your ground. like a moth to the flame, mercedes uses her magic to cut through the battlefield to you. once at your side, she smiles softly, holding her stave up to heal the small cuts on your body.

she realizes she could never resent you.

“mercedes, i--” she holds up a hand, not needing to hear your explanations.

“it’s okay, professor, i understand.” you both just had a different worldview, and that was okay. “no need to say anything. i’m just glad you’re okay.”

“thank you...” you trail off quietly, the world stilling for a few moments as you look at your old crush. “you could always join us, you know.” your gaze is soft as it falls upon the older woman. “dimitri is... not in the best place, we want to end this war through peace. you’d fit right in.”

mercedes shakes her head: “someone has to watch over the others. dimitri, felix, sylvain, annie... everyone is so broken, they need someone like me to help hold them together.” same old mercie, you realize, always putting what others wanted before herself.

“and after the war? once this is over we could--” annette calls for her, and time seems to unfreeze, and the horrors of the battlefield around you seem to sink in once again.

“once this is over, we will see.” she says, turning to go find her friend, “i just don’t want to get my hopes up again.”

#claude von riegan #sylvain jose gautier #mercedes von martritz #fe16 #fe3h #blue lions #golden deer #x reader #x byleth #ficlet #angst #imagine #mod touko #i wanted to explore sylvain's darker side a little and... well...#oop

182 notes · View notes

turning-dreams-into-chaos · 5 years

Text

New Beginnings (Part 3)

*Not My Gif*

Post Date: 8-12-19

Paring: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Word Count: 4K

~Master List~

Requests are closed

~Part 1~

~Part 2~

You sat down on the bottom of the raft as Fury drove you and Peter to wherever the hell SHIELD set themselves up. Honestly you couldn’t even care. You pulled your knees up to your chest, burying your head in them as Peter watched. He played with the mask in his hand, about to say something before Fury did.

“Stark left this for you.” He said as he handed Peter what looked like a glasses case. You furrowed your brows as you looked up at him. Peter glances down at you, holding in a breath before opening it, getting a good look at what looked like normal glasses, but you knew they weren’t. That was your dad’s tech. You let your eyes close as you bury your head again, not wanting to be here at all. Fury noticed your actions, he watched you out of the corner of your eye before speeding the boat up.

“You ok?” Peter asked as he took the spot next to you. You gave him a weak smile and nodded your head, but wanting to be anywhere else. You only came because you didn’t want Peter to do this all by himself. Not that you were going to be much help in the hero category.

We’re here.” Fury said as Peter helped pull you off the ground. You groaned as he laughed, pulling on his mask before grabbing your hand and following after Fury. The base was pretty much what you expected, having seen what these people can do but something just felt odd. “You can take off the mask. Everyone here has pretty much seen you without it.”

You didn’t like that. Peter ripped off his mask before looking at you who was glaring at everyone. You followed Fury until a familiar head of hair came into your view.

“Maria!” You yelled as the girl threw her arms open for a hug. You were quick to wrap your arms around her neck as she squeezed you tight.

“Hey Y/N.” She whispered in your ear as you smiled. You and Hill had a special relationship. She was kind of like a family member you only got to see in special occasions, someone you clicked with once and kept in touch. That’s what happened. After the attack in New York you met her and found out how cool she was and her the same, after that she began treating you like her sister especially after Nat and your dad died. Your hug ended short as Fury cleared his throat, causing you both to turn your heads and look at a glaring Fury and a smiling Peter. Peter loves when you talked about the avengers, heroes like Thor all the way to agents like Maria Hill. It made him happy to see you happy.

You hadn’t realized someone else had joined your little circle until you turned around.

“Mysterio?” You and Peter happen to say at the same time. He looked at you both as you stared at him. Him. That was felt odd when you first came in. They introduced him as Quentin Beck, from another earth. Your mind was racing as everyone talked, going on and on about something called an elemental. You weren’t really paying attention until Beck talked about his family. He started to play with a wedding band on his finger as your eyes widened.

Family. God why does such a great word suck so much. If you still had your family maybe you’d still be a hero, maybe you’d still be fighting instead of practically rolling over and playing dead. Peter grabbed your hand and squeezed it before you pulled away and started to head to the door.

“I’m sorry. This was a bad idea. I’m not going to be any help in this so I’m just gonna go.” You mumbled before Fury’s hand landed on your shoulder. Your back was facing the group as your eyes went from the door to his hand.

“We could use your skills on the field, Y/N. You could still help.” You swallowed back your arguments as you clenched your jaw, moving to look up at him. Peter flinched at Fury’s words knowing it wasn’t going to change your mind and he hates that you had to go through this.

“I’m retired.”

“You’re 17.”

“I’m retired.” You repeated with more force as his hand dropped, letting you take a few steps towards the door.

“Stark. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your father.” He said and your heart stopped. You didn’t need this, you didn’t need anyone and you most certainly didn’t need Nick Fury’s fucking apologizes. You turned your head to the side, looking at him through the corners of your eyes.

“That’s not worth anything.” You walked out of there, leaving Peter to the wolves which you regretted almost immediately but couldn’t go back for him now. Fury had some guy named Dimitri drive you back to the hotel so you didn’t have to stress to get back, however finding the motivation to go in was another. You glanced around the destroyed city, looking at the flooded streets and broken buildings when you took a seat outside of the front door, staring out in the sky. You didn’t know why, but you needed to talk and there was only one person who wouldn’t interrupt you.

“Hey Dad.” You whispered as you scanned the stars, playing with your shaking fingers. Your voice cracked as you coughed, trying to get the words out. “I miss you. Things are harder without you yelling what to do in my ear. I don’t- I don’t even think I have it in me to be the hero they want. The one they need. I mean... I couldn’t even save you.” You didn’t know how much more you could take but you needed to get the words out. “What’s the point of saving the world if I’ve lost my own? God I sound like I’m in some chick flick and you know how much I hate those.” You chuckled and wiped a few tears away, moving your eyes from the sky to the ground as the night sky reflected on the water, the twinkling of the stars causing you to sigh and close your eyes. “I don’t know if you’re listening, but I love you dad. Like Morgan says, I love you 3000.” You brushed your fingers against the water before heading up into your room, trying to not wake up MJ as you changed into your pajamas. It was already 2 in the morning by the time you went asleep, the quietness of the room having pulled you most of the way there.

A nightmare. You knew it was happening but it didn’t change the fact it was.

“Dad?!” You yelled as you walked about the broken remains of the tower after Thanos’ attack. There was no one around but you and your head was pounding, your suit was on, scanning the scene for anyone who remained but nothing came up. Using your thrusters to fly over the scene you were about to find a way to leave until two figures came on the screen off to your right. One was bigger than the other, towering over it as the smaller one was placed on their knees a little ways from the big one. You were at the scene in an instant, having no other choice. Your dad. That was the smaller figure as he stared down Thanos.

“Dad?” You said whispering this time, trying to figure out what was happening. Tony slowly turned to you, tears in his eyes as he smiled up at you. You felt your heart skip as you tried to run to him, not sensing the familiar motions.

“I am inevitable.” Thanos declared as you frowned turning to face the big purple pile of crap before looking at your dad.

“And I am Iron Man.” You wanted to scream but nothing came out. You watched your dad die for the second time as you cried, tears streaming down your face as nothing came out of your mouth. Instead of a bright light meaning you won, there wasn’t a sign. No dying creatures, no battle ensuing behind you, and no dying dad. You smiled, letting the hope that your dad was still alive consume you before you feel to your knees, completely immobile as you still cried. “You couldn’t save me. You didn’t save me!” Tony yelled as he glared at you, standing up to tower over you. You opened and closed your mouth, lost as to what to say as your cheeks grew hot.

“No... no, no.” You began as your dad turned to leave you, falling onto his knees. You watched with wide wet eyes as he turned to dust like you had, pieces flying away as you finally found it in you to scream.

“NO! DAD! NO!” You yelled as you threw yourself up in the bed, staring into the darkness of the room as you huffed and trying to steady your shaking breathing. You were shaking as you peeled your shirt away from your sweat clad torso. MJ was still fast asleep as you slipped out of your bed, grabbing your slippers and making your way downstairs to the lobby. It was silent as you slowly trudged down the creaking steps, wincing every time one made a sound. There wasn’t anyone sitting behind the desk and the only light that was on was from the news that was playing from your class earlier, only now it was muted. You let yourself fall into an old chair as you pulled your legs up, running your hands over your bare legs from your pajama shorts. You had got an hour of sleep, making it at a little after 3 in the morning and you couldn’t bring yourself to sleep more. You slept on the plane, that would hold you off for now. You pulled out your phone. Sending a quick text to Peter asking if he was back yet before you opened up your photos.

With everything that had happened with Beck and the elementals, you wanted nothing more than to just go home and spend time with your family but everythjng’s different now. You scrolled through pic after pic of you and Peter being dorks, messing around with his suit and your dads tech as Tony caught you, or ones where the three of you were eating ice cream and you shoved your cone into Peter’s face causing him to glare at you. You had stuck your tongue out at him and Tony quickly grabbed your phone and documented that moment. That was your home screen right now, a cute little picture with your favorite people when you weren’t being threatened or in danger. And everyone was alive.

You threw your phone into the couch next to you as you watched the news flicker on the screen, recapping everything that happened that day.

“Oh, Hey.” Peter said as he came in through the front door. You whipped your head back and sighed in relief when you saw it was just him. A small smile crept across your face when he came to join you on the couch. You threw your legs over his and leant your head onto his shoulder.

“Hey Pete, getting back kind of late, don’t you think?” You teased as you turned to look up at him. He let out an airy chuckle before looking at you. He looked happy but you knew he wasn’t completely. “What happened?”

He shook his head but ultimately decided to tell you. “They wanted us to help with the elementals. He wanted me to convince you to join.” He explained as you nodded your head, not wanting to blow up on Peter. His fingers ran over your hand before wrapping themselves with yours. “I told him that you were retired and there was no way I’d try to get you to join. Then I told him I wasn’t going to help either and I just wanted to enjoy my trip.” You smiled up to him as he matched your look, still rubbing the back of your hand before furrowing his brows. “Did you stay down here the whole time?”

Your smile faltered a little as you shook your head. “No I uh, tried to get some sleep.” You shrugged as Peter caught on. Peter knew you like the back of his hand and he prides himself on that, he knew why you were up.

“You had a nightmare.” Your head dropped as he didn’t ask, he pointed it out. You gave him a slight nod before he stood up, removing your legs from his. His hand shot out to yours before he was pulling you up of the ratty old couch. You giggled as you jumped onto his back, wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands held your thighs to his body. The walk to your room was short and neither one of you said anything but you didn’t have to, you knew what was going to happen. It was the same thing that happened every time you had a nightmare or Peter did. He pushed the door open with his foot as he turned towards your bed, dropping you off his back as you bounced onto the springy mattress. You scooted over to the edge of the bed as Peter pulled the blankets back, joining you as the bed got about a thousand times warmer. Peter wrapped his hands around you as you pushed yourself into his chest, letting yourself fall asleep to the sound of his rapid heartbeat.

Peter laid awake after you nodded off, running his hand softly through your hair as he pressed his cheek to the top of your head. Moments like these he enjoyed, moments where nothing seemed real, where he could just leave his problems at the door because you and him were here and for the first time he thought of himself doing this for the rest of his life. His smile was so big he thought you’d be able to feel it against your head. His movements stopped and his eyes widened as he realized something. He’s never had those thoughts before, of you and him cuddling as something more than friends. And he liked those thoughts. He really liked them. He chuckled as he looked down at you, a sense of comfort coming over him as he glanced around the room, realizing for the first time that the girl he was supposed to have a crush on was not even 10 feet away, fast asleep, and here he was cuddling with the girl who was supposed to only be his best friend. Peter never felt more confused in his entire life.

You woke up the next morning to sun streaming through the window, shining in the dusty air as you pushed yourself deeper into the pocket of warmth next to you. It wasn’t until it moved did you remember it was Peter. You lifted your head to look over at MJ who still hadn’t stirred since she went to bed then they traveled up to the boy next to you. Peter was still asleep, his grip tight around your body as he managed to move down to lay on the bed more comfortably, causing his face to be inches from yours. You let yourself study his sleeping features like you’ve done so many times before and then gave him a little nudge. He groaned before he pulled you tighter, nuzzling his head into your neck as you tried not to blush.

“Pete? Peter? You gotta wake up before MJ does so she doesn’t see you in here.” You whispered into his ear as he rubbed his scalp with your nails, getting a groggy noise coming from his lips as you chuckled.

“Well Good Morning to you too.” He said as your heart sped up. His morning voice, you loved it so much but only got to hear it on occasion since most times he was up before you. He took a minute to look at you as his eyes adjusted to the brightness in the room. He smiled as you blushed and pushed him out of your bed before he could see it.

“Go, you have to go before MJ sees and I ruin your chances with her.” You said as you force a smile knowing that soon your little nightmare protector will be hers. Peter’s smile drops a little as he realizes what you said, but he quickly recovers when he looks over at MJ, nodding his head and turning to leave the room. He pauses at the door to say something to you but decides against it when you weren’t looking at him. You only look at where he was when the door slammed behind him, causing you to sigh before falling back onto the bed, the alarm going off moments later as MJ throws her pillow at you.

“Turn it off.” She grumbles as you laugh at her, smacking the alarm before getting up to pull her off the bed.

“Come on. Time to go to Paris.” She muttered under her breath but you shake it off once you can’t hear it.

You walked next to MJ with Peter and Ned behind you as Mr. Harrington began talking about some weird upgrade you were given on your ride to Prague instead of Paris. You were kind of sad to find out you wouldn’t be able to go to Paris but you figured you’d go some other time and maybe bring Peter. And MJ. His soon to be girlfriend. You shook the thoughts out of your head as you ran to catch up with the group, seeing that you managed to fall behind a little. But that all didn’t matter when your bus came into view.

The bus driver looked at you and Peter as you shook your head. Peter saw him almost when you did and Ned kept asking you guys what was wrong. You turned to look at Peter, your lips pierced as you raised an eyebrow.

“I think Nick Fury just hijacked our Summer Vacation.” You stared as you walked to the bus, getting on as you shot Dimitri a look of disgust. He didn’t do anything as you made your way down the aisle.

“Hey, want to sit here?” Flash said as he patted the seat next to him. You shrugged as you let yourself fall next to him. He smirked at you before pulling out his phone. Peter followed you onto the bus, watching as you took the seat next to Flash. He clenched his fists as Ned tapped his shoulder, telling him to keep moving. Peter nodded his head, looking at you one more time before dropping into the last seat of the bus. You turned to glance at Peter who had his head pressed against the window. You frowned before turning back to Flash who put his phone away, giving you all the attention he could. You tried to sound interested as he went on and on about whatever he could to impress you. It amused you a little to see him do that but it was a nice change of pace from talking about Quentin Beck and saving the world. But it got kind of old quick. At some point he finally stopped talking, letting you pull out your phone. You opened Peters texts, quickly typing a rescue request.

Peter looked through the screen on the E.D.I.T.H. glasses marveling at the piece of tech before seeing you pull out your phone.

“Edith? Who’s Y/N texting?” He asked before his eyes widened. “Never mind that’s creepy.” His question was short lived as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, smiling as he saw your text.

Pete! 911! Please rescue me from Flash’s boring rambles! I’ll owe you!

He chuckled as he looked up at you again, nodding your head to something Flash said as you obviously weren’t listening. Flash didn’t know but Peter could easy see right through your attention.

“Mr. Harrington? Could we stop for a bit?” Peter yelled from the back of the bus as the teacher turned to look at him, as did the rest of the class. He blushed a little before he caught your eye. “I just- Y/N has to use the restroom.” Your jaw dropped as you shook your head at him, only for him to shrug.

“Good idea Peter. We’ve been driving for a while now. What do you say driver? Is there a place to stop soon?” Mr. Harrington asked as Dimitri only grunted in response, Mr. Harrington turned to give you both a ‘we’ll see’ look as you laughed, glaring at Peter once again.

The class filed off the bus as soon as it stopped, MJ dragging you along with her.

“So Peter and you?” MJ said as you widened your eyes. Your mouth opened a little as you tried to spit words out.

“What do mean Peter and me?” MJ raises her brow at you causing you to blush even more.

“I saw you two this morning a few hours before we got up. You look cute together.” She joked as she smirked causing you to lower your head and give her a sad smile. She can’t possibly think Peter and you could be more than just friends, he’s crushing on her, not you.

“Nah, Peter and I are just friends. I had a nightmare and so he was helping me. That’s it.” She didn’t seem to be convinced as she grunted leaving you to browse the store by yourself. You bought what you wanted right as Mr. Harrington told everyone to get back into the bus. You looked around for Peter and followed the herd as Flash grabbed your hand, causing you to freeze at the actions before letting him pull you into the seat. You grumbled an objection under your breath but didn’t move. You kept looking for Peter who took the seat diagonal from you, but kept looking back.

“Peter? What are you looking at?” You asked as you tried to follow his gaze thinking he was looking at MJ only to meet Brad’s gaze. He smirked at you before looking down at his phone causing you to scoff and turn back to Peter. “Peter what’s going- why are you wearing the glasses?”

Peter wasn’t looking at you, instead yelling into the glasses. You felt your phone buzz as you pulled it out, seeing a text from Brad.

Think your Best Friend is having a little too much fun on this trip. Just thought you should know.

You furrowed your brows as you clicked on the picture attached. Your jaw practically dropped as you looked at the screen, seeing Peter and some blonde chick standing next to each other while Peter’s pants where pulled down. You knew Peter and you knew that what Brad was suggesting wasn’t something you’d do, but the woman, you saw her yesterday at the SHIELD base. Peter was working with them. Everything was happening so fast you didn’t even register tour surroundings until Peter said your name.

“Y/N? I need you to make a distraction. Please.” He begged as he grabbed your arms, shaking you a little before you snapped to reality. You looked down at Flash who looked passed out as you finally turned to the window next to you, listening to Peters pleads.

“Look! Baby mountain goats!” You yelled as you pointed. Everyone followed your pointing as you turned to Peter only to be met with his feet. You gasped as you looked outside, trying to figure out what was happening as you saw two of your dads weapons trailing the bus then collide into each other and crash. Peter landed behind you as you turned to glare at him. You didn’t say anything as Betty made a comment about Peter’s hair and he gave her a sheepish smile. You stood there staring at him before his eyes widened and he fell back into his chair.

“Ok, Edith. Let’s try this again.” He mumbled as you sat back down next to Flash. You looked at the finally quiet boy as you considered slapping him awake, but didn’t. You just stared straight at the seat in front of you, ignoring the apologetic stare coming from Peter as you glanced down at the picture. God, that boy has A LOT to explain.

Part 4

Feedback!!!

Taglists: All Open

Permanent: @literal-fand0m-trash @just4muggles @saturn-aka-six @nathaliabakes @whyamihere-bro @colored-confetti @wiseeggspickleslime @sadn0va @btsiguess-kpop

New Beginnings: @itsbebeyyy @eridanuswave @estate-euphoric @irxnspxder @nerdypsychicghostfarm @jackiehollanderr @sweetdarlingholland @pizzzzzaaatime @popejohnpaul2candlefromwalmart @eggingamazinglove @soniasalvatore1 @hollandsthot @ppkrtingle @callingallavengers @loveofshows @simply-sams-things @amorisxx @stuckonpeterparker @kermittheshipper @furiouspockettoad @e-wolf-98 @fandomgirl9193 @love-me-some-bucky

Peter Parker: @laic2299 @danielabetancourth @darktwistydiamond

258 notes · View notes

minttoy · 5 years

Text

Wayward

CHAPTER ONE

Summary: The night at the Goddess Tower, Dimitri wished for a world in which no one would be unjustly taken away. Byleth made her wish in silence - that one day she would see him freed from his darkness.

She wakes up five years later, only to learn the world hasn’t been kind.

Missing scenes post time skip (Blue Lions route).

Pairings: Dimitri/Byleth

Genre: Romance/Angst

Click here to read on FF.net.

Click here to read on AO3.

----------

I wish for a world in which no one would ever be unjustly taken from us.

She treads up the stairs with light, careful steps. She has to tiptoe and maneuver around dead bodies and old carcasses strewn over the floors, follow dried blood stains splattered across the walls. Her nose crinkles at the smell of metal, iron and blood. Byleth wonders what horror these Imperial soldiers must have seen before they were killed.

That’s a wonderful wish.

The last time she visited the Goddess Tower had been a joyous event. The ballroom filled with life and holiday cheer. Students dancing in step. Professors indulging in fancy drinks. Even Byleth herself, watching it unfold with curiosity, because the party had been the first she ever attended. Every single one of them oblivious, and too swept up in excitement that besides Edelgard herself, no one predicted the foreboding war, or suspected what lurked underneath.

She finally reaches the top of the stairs and catches the view from the open window – a peaceful dawn on the horizon. She only revels in it for a second before she shifts and finds him there, sitting in dark shadows. She suspected it briefly, having identified the mortal wounds on those soldiers as pierces slashed with angry lances and biting force, cutting through even the toughest armour.

Her lips form a frown. For a moment, she thinks ‘please’ and considers ‘maybe it’s not him’, because she doesn’t want to believe. But he looks up to the click of her heels and the blue of his single eye is the same as she remembers. Her breath cuts short and she almost falters in her step.

Oh, Dimitri.

His hair has grown, lathed with gunk and dried blood. His cheeks are dirty and muddied. Confusion and blankness cloud his visible eye, where she once saw determination burn bright so many years ago. His body is dragged and worn and scarred from battle. Even as she steps into the light, his expression is unchanged. She doesn’t know how to explain with gentleness the reason she’s been gone for so long, especially when she barely understands it herself.

She reaches an open hand out to him, tries to share her light, but he doesn’t take it. He groans when he moves, and turns away.

“I should have known…” His voice is raspy, like it hurts to speak. “…that one day, you would be haunting me as well.”

Her face falls, and she cannot fathom the swirl of emotions that course through her mind, beat at her heart. Above all else, sadness lingers foremost. She’s almost unable to bear it, not used to such strong emotions that she has to cast her gaze elsewhere. With it comes a sudden, phantom pain throbbing in her chest she doesn’t fully understand.

He gets up eventually, gripping his lance for balance and stands his tall height. She observes him more carefully, and can’t help but think of a creature in the night. Swathed in blood and dirt. Disheveled and dressed with coarse furs. Tall and looming, bloodlust in his eye. She imagines him prowling the grounds, cold and unfeeling. No less than the beasts they’ve fought as teacher and student. Humanity all but intact, and underneath all that metal armour, she knows he is hollow.

He demands she not look at him with scorn, even though she feels nothing of the sort, and then swears darkly to himself that he will sever Edelgard’s head himself. Threats of death and destruction roll so easily off his tongue. She wonders briefly when this violent and uncontrolled temper had taken root, but even after his angry tirade, she can’t bring herself to stop him. Not yet, at least. Her words won’t find their mark, not when she knows nothing of the missing years.

Instead, she says the only she thing she knows for sure, “I’m glad you’re safe.”

He only scoffs at her, “Am I?”

Byleth opens her mouth and nothing comes out. Her hesitation betrays her, and her silence is more than telling. He walks off without a second thought, and before following after him, she quietly reminds herself of the wish she’d made here years ago.

I wish one day I could see you freed from your darkness.

----------

Everybody remembers their promise.

As they work to defend the monastery from a band of thieves attempting to steal what little is left, they show up. Even five years past, they fall back to their old battle formations and await her command. She hardly has the time to register their new faces and growth, only fathoms the reunion as painfully bittersweet. After all, Dimitri had been the one to suggest the idea.

She keeps a close eye on him in particular, watches as he strikes down his foes with no mercy. He’s out for blood and terrifyingly violent. The honour of battle is lost on him, even though she knows she taught him better than that.

They gather at the centre afterwards and Byleth finally inspects each and every one of her former students. She’s most surprised to find Gilbert here, who claims he’s been tracking down Dimitri for a while now. When he asks the prince how he managed to escape the fortress prisons of Fhirdiad, the worst is confirmed.

Dedue is allegedly dead.

She closes her eyes and offers a silent prayer. There’s a collective silence from the group and at this point, she doesn’t know if she can stomach much more. After all, a teacher shouldn’t have to mourn their student.

----------

She leaves them in another room to catch up with one another. Some of them take the time to grieve. Mercedes marches straight for the church afterwards, followed closely by Ashe and Annette. For her, that time will have to come later. She doesn’t even wholly believe it.

Eventually, Gilbert approaches her in the council room. She keeps busy after the battle, rigorously polishing and sharpening her sword with a whetstone she found on the training grounds. As a former mercenary, or a Professor even, she was never one to remain idle. What little emotion she feels throughout the day is taken out on grinding the dull edges of her blade.

Gilbert narrates the events of the past and present – who’s taken control of what territory, what vast expanse of lands the Empire has already conquered, how his search for Dimitri has led him here, and why he set out to accomplish a seemingly impossible task. From his explanation alone, she gathers that Gilbert carries his own ghosts and unfulfilled promises.

“Thank you,” she says softly, chancing a glimpse of the tired man. “For finding him.”

He shakes his head. “It was not me who found him. It was you, Professor.”

She stiffens in her seat, but says nothing.

Gilbert sighs and scratches the back of his head. He casts his tired gaze towards the window. “I’m sure you find Dimitri has…changed, over the years.”

Clack!

The whetstone slips from her hand, almost cutting an edge of her finger. Gilbert alarms at the sight, but she quickly waves off his concern. She puts the weapon down immediately, deeming her mind unfit for the task. Instead, she leans her elbows on her knees, buries her hands in her face and rubs at her temples.

He is not the same.

After practicing much restraint and disbelief, the truth finally surfaces and the pain is akin to a hard punch to her gut. The gravity of his situation and character finally weighs down on her. All of a sudden, she finds herself missing him, of all things.

The boy wise enough to notice a young girl being dragged around, because her path had been decided by adults in a drawing room. And so he gifted her a dagger so she could carve a future for her own, one that she wanted for herself. Even back then, he understood well that your life was yours to live.

The student who desired to teach orphans, even when he still had much to learn. She watched from the sidelines as he showed them how to hold their ground, corrected their stances, practiced with dull wooden weapons and repeated several times that weapons were tools for protection and nothing else. He already knew all too well how quickly the world could turn.

The young man focused so rigidly on his studies and training. His compassion had been enough to elicit a few small smiles. She’d gotten loose with herself, slowly easing out of her stoic demeanor and mercenary mentality. It was an uncomfortable, but not unwelcome change. He willingly called her out when she slipped, saying her smile was ‘mesmerizing’. He always said it with encouragement. She thought nothing of it back then, but realizes now it meant so much more. Jeralt commented once how her students brought out her humanity in ways even he couldn’t.

And now.

Five years have passed and she struggles to feel anything beyond the melancholic haze surrounding the monastery. Perhaps none of this would mean so much if she hadn’t made that wish. Or perhaps he’s still the same person she met so many years ago. She just didn’t know him at all.

He always had that lingering darkness, even at the best of times. Underneath that façade festered a hunger for vengeance. Young Dimitri phrased it so clearly. Sometimes the darkness takes hold, and becomes impossible to suppress. The five years he spent unhinged and wandering in darkness nurtured his lust for revenge. Nowadays, people only laid hands on him with the intent to kill, and he had no choice but to do the same.

Gilbert clears his throat, drawing her out of deep thought.

Forgetting her place, Byleth straightens her spine. She tries to mirror his tired expression.

“Dimitri has lost himself,” she says, following up on his earlier comment. She doesn’t know how else to put it.

The man shifts his weight to the other foot and rests his chin in one hand. “Yes. I fear his deep hatred and solitude have consumed him for far too long,” he explains with a downcast expression. “We must bring him back from the edge on which he stands.”

She nods in agreement, unable to word it better herself.

He hums with uncertainty. “It will not be a quick or easy task. In truth, I’m not even sure if my words will…” he trails off, but eventually shakes his head. “Never mind, it must be done, regardless of whatever circumstance. He is still needed in his Kingdom.”

She finally looks up at him, assurance in her eyes.

“I’ll do it,” she offers, even as she sees dark times awaiting them in shadowed corners.

“Are you sure, Professor?”

She nods. For his sake, she would have to.

----------

Later, everyone is gathered in the council room. She stands to one side, casting inspecting gazes to each of her students as Gilbert and Seteth discuss strategies between themselves before presenting it forward. There is much on the agenda. Talks of battle tactics, recruiting soldiers, rebuilding the monastery and more. Everybody has agreed the Empire needs to be stopped.

Eventually, Annette calls out the elephant in the room. Her leg hasn’t stopped fidgeting since she sat down.

“Erm, perhaps we should wait for Dimitri?” she pipes up anxiously. “He should be here, right?”

There’s a scoff from Felix, and the gesture is oddly nostalgic. “Hmph. The boar is holed up in the cathedral right now, talking nonsense to himself. I don’t see him getting out anytime soon.”

No one says anything, much less argues with him. Byleth just assumes everyone has seen for themselves how the years have hardened and changed their former house leader. The air is stricken with gloom now.

Naturally, Gilbert turns to her.

She promised to handle affairs concerning the wayward Prince. She figures most people are rather…fearful in discussing Dimitri’s condition. The way she sees it, it matters not. At the end of the day, their end goal is the same: Halt Imperial conquest and take back the Holy Kingdom. Somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, she is certain Dimitri feels the same way.

She straightens up from her spot and gathers the attention of the room. “We can resume in his absence. I can debrief him of our plans afterwards.”

----------

People have always flocked to the church in times of need. Although their numbers have dwindled, guards, monks and merchants alike have all paid a visit at least once.

Dimitri is here all the time. From morning till night. Akin to a lost soul wandering in limbo or purgatory, waiting for judgment to strike down like lightning. He occupies the space in front of the rubble, frequently muttering to himself. Sometimes, he speaks of destruction and violence. When the voices get too loud, he pleads and begs for forgiveness. Sometimes he says nothing at all.

For him, there is only one end in sight. Edelgard’s death and after that, his own. A preposterous notion – as if she would ever let him get that far.

She’s spoken to him a few times. Tried is a better word. He tells her to scurry out of sight and curses to himself when she doesn’t. He is still unreachable. She holds her words in her tongue because they won’t find their mark. He didn’t even attend the vigil they held in Dedue’s honour.

“Look at the creature,” Felix is saying, standing a fair distance away. “It’s pitiful to watch. Professor, do what you have to in order to fix him.”

Byleth, distracted by her own thoughts, rests her eyes on the prince. The wide berth everybody gives him makes it easy to observe. No one dares approach too close. Her eyes shift to Felix next. He wears his perpetual scowl, but underneath she knows he’s trying to figure out an end to this situation. She recognizes it as his way of showing he cares.

----------

A familiar face treads towards the academy.

Byleth remembers his face. General Randolph. He stood beside Edelgard as they destroyed the monastery. Dimitri remembers too, because he’s more difficult to direct. He’s determined to ravage his foes and sort out his problems with senseless violence.

She keeps a close eye on him and the others. None of them are her students anymore, but old habits die hard. Five years of sleep catches up to her too – her body is not yet hardened from rigorous training and everyday battle – and she slips up. A fast-flying arrow is shot deep into her left thigh and she grits her teeth and hisses in pain. Before she finds cover, she knocks her own arrow towards the perpetrator before he can deliver another blow.

When she looks up, Dimitri has already caught up to Randolph. She curses to herself, quickly assesses the blood-stained grounds to find most of the Imperial soldiers either dead or subdued. She has to force herself against her own threshold, musters up strength because someone must stop him, and she limps over to him unerringly. The arrow is forcefully removed by her own hand, leaving a trail of blood in her wake as she ignores the biting pains.

She watches as Randolph is brought to his knees, on the verge of his death. Dimitri is smug and bloodlust festers in his visible eye that it sparks angers in her. Randolph pleads senselessly, claiming he must live for his family before he has the gall to call Dimitri a heartless monster. It only feeds her ire, because he knows nothing about what he’s taken from so many people, including herself.

Byleth draws the line at Dimitri carving out his eyes, and kills Randolph herself. From behind, straight through the heart, swift and decisive. She considers it mercy, because anything by Dimitri’s hand would have been ruthless and even her worst enemies don’t deserve that kind of brutality on their deathbed. She quickly sheathes her sword afterwards, because even after all this time, it’s still not easy.

Dimitri laughs heinously at her actions, telling her she should kill him herself if she doesn’t approve. Fierce anger burns so hotly that for a second, she would earnestly consider challenging him if it meant dragging him away from his bleak and corrupted cravings for vengeance. But of course, she would never condone that. Instead, she cools down the foreign, unfamiliar rage burning inside and reminds herself there is no need for more violence in a world already plunged in war and turmoil.

What he says next is atrocious. Claiming to use her and her friends to exact his revenge until the flesh falls off their bones. Shock removes all blankness in her face, and she watches him storm off towards the monastery. The rest of them are mortified, having watched in horror of what he’s become.

----------

Byleth patches up her wounds on her own. She wraps her thigh in gauze and bandages, rubs salve on her wounds and hides the discolouration of her bruises with sleeves. News will spread to the Empire that they’ve made the monastery their stronghold, and she prepares for another onslaught.

She wakes up confused on some mornings. There are times when she picks up her sword and gets ready to complete her mercenary contract. Sometimes, she goes over to her desk to review lecture notes, only to find there are none. She’d also gotten used to hearing Sothis’s voice as the goddess flitted about in her room. She has to remember these things belong in the past now.

When her mind is too hazy, or things get overwhelming, she trudges over to Jeralt’s grave. In bright mornings, late nights, rainy weather or cold winds, she kneels down on the patchy grass and solemnly wishes for a world where she didn’t have to bury him. Time is forgotten when she sits in front of his headstone, but reality always hits its inevitable stride and she remembers this is hardly the time to grieve. Not before long, she schools on a blank and vacant expression, not minding the familiar faces that watch over her in concern.

----------

“Professor! Over here!”

Byleth looks to her left, where Mercedes, Annette and Ashe are beckoning her to sit at their table. She approaches over somewhat sheepishly, because she knows she should be spending more time with her students and honing them for battle.

“Mercedes managed to convince the chefs to let her bake a few sweets. You should try some,” Annette says excitedly, pushing forward the tray of small cakes and confectionaries in her direction.

She hesitates for a brief moment before taking one of the jelly squares in her mouth. Although she never had a sweet tooth, she manages a small smile, just for them. For some reason, they all seem to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Did you know? Dedue used to help me with kitchen duty. Have you ever tried his cooking? I’d say it was his hidden talent,” Annette strikes up conversation, taking one of the small cakes into her mouth in one bite. For a small girl, she’s always had a ravenous appetite for sweet foods.

Ashe lights up brightly. “I’ve tried his cooking too! You can really taste the Duscur inspiration. He was always a much better chef than I am, that’s for sure.”

Byleth gazes over them with fondness. She’s glad they’ve forged these unbreakable bonds. Even if one of them is gone, they choose to remember the good he’s done. As the two of them continue to reminisce of Dedue and his cuisine, Mercedes quietly turns to her.

“Professor, I must say. You seem rather…sad, as of late,” the soft-spoken girl remarks, a gentle smile gracing her features. “Are you also thinking of Dedue?”

Her eyes settle on the wooden table underneath her hands. “Always.”

Mercedes waits for a moment before speaking again, “And Dimitri, as well?”

Byleth still cannot look her in the eye. “I think of him too.”

“We figured as much…” Mercedes leans back in her chair and looks up at the ceiling. Ashe and Annette have quieted their conversation in favour of listening in. “I don’t think either of us have ever seen you show so much frustration as you did in our recent battle.”

She shrinks in her seat as shame tugs at her. Perhaps she got carried away back there.

“I’m sorry,” she prioritizes first. “I hope you understand I’m not angry with Dimitri, but rather the circumstances that have led him here. He’s much different now, as you know, and I ask that you be patient with him.”

Ashe nods his head. “Of course. He’s always been good to us, just like Dedue. When we were students, he refused to let me address him so formally.”

“Me too! And he used to tell me stories of my Father even before I connected with him. It was nice, actually. He said it felt like he knew me already before we entered the academy, because Father always spoke of me.”

Mercedes hums in agreement. “Dimitri also helped me with sword training. Although I’m still lacking in that skill, I think it was sweet of him to help, especially since I almost swung at him. In return, I taught him how to mend his clothes. He was a very good student.”

Byleth softens at the stories shared around the table. She shares her own too. It’s hard to equate the man he is today to the person he was before, but if her students have no problem seeing him as such, even with his cruel and callous behaviour, then she should do the same.

“We’re confident he’ll come to his senses one day. Until then, we should help him however we can,” Mercedes pipes up, with a sense of assurance.

For the first time today, she fills with hope.

----------

He still spends most days and nights at the cathedral. It’s almost reassuring, because she expects to find him there, instead of searching the monastery in fear he has gotten up and left. The only worrying thing is that he barely leaves the church grounds. He denies himself sleep, evidenced by the darkness under his eyes. But she thinks of his health, having never seen him take a ration from the kitchen, much less eat a morsel of anything.

She swipes a couple of things from the kitchen one day and wraps it in paper. A small loaf of bread and dried fruits. Someone told her one day he doesn’t care much for taste anyway. Her boots click and echo as she draws nearer, and he turns his head away from her when she kneels on the ground beside him.

Byleth prods her offering towards him, lays it on the ground where he can see with his good eye and utters out a simple command, “You should eat.”

He closes his only eye, still turned away from her. “Go away.”

She shakes her head and doesn’t get too caught up in his brusque words. “You’ll waste away and grow weary if you don’t,” she counters.

He groans to himself. A rough, grating sound, and says nothing else. He’s rather subdued today. The last time she visited, there was no stopping the slew of threats that escaped his tongue. She’s gotten used to that side of him, knows not to indulge in his murderous fantasies. Instead, she treats him with a level of hardness, because he doesn’t recognize comfort or kindness when it’s given to him. She redirects his thoughts instead. Questions his motives with caution and reminds him to take care of himself. Never engages in a fight or argument when none is needed.

She says nothing else and leaves him for the day. Later when she checks on him again, she notes with some measure of gladness that the plate is empty.

----------

The next war council meeting goes awry.

They are short on soldiers and resources, and there are talks of requesting backup from the Fraldarius house and joining forces with them. When Gilbert asks Dimitri if they should dispatch their troops to the Imperial capital or the Kingdom capital, his answer is predictable.

“We will take the Imperial capital. There, I will kill her. Nothing could be more to the point.”

The group remains divided on the subject, but Seteth passes her the final say as the stand-in leader of the church and she chooses the opposite. For the army’s sake, and especially Dimitri’s sake, they should take back the Kingdom capital. There are so many people awaiting his return to Fhirdiad.

He turns to her, a cross look on his features. “If Lady Rhea is being held prisoner in the Empire, we don’t have time to waste taking back Fhirdiad. Can you deny it?”

He is only testing her, making her out to be foolish in front of the council. She doesn’t bite. Gilbert senses the foreboding tension and cuts in before anything can ensue. “Either way, we are in need of numbers. It is essential we secure backup.”

When the meeting ends, Byleth keeps her ground and waits until most of them have filed out of the board room. Dimitri remains, sharp and cutting words waiting in his sleeve, intended just for her.

“We’re not ready to march into Enbarr,” she says point blank.

“You understand nothing,” he scoffs, jaw clenched and hands balled into fists at his side. “The time we spend in wait only grows her power. She will have taken all of Fódlan before you finally decide to fight back!”

Byleth furrows her brow and presses her lips into a thin line. “You would rush in haste to fight Edelgard instead? You would fall on her doorstep before you even get the chance to see her.”

“That woman must be stopped!” he grounds out in exasperation, slamming a clenched fist on the desk and alerting the attention of the room. “I will go alone if I have to!”

She drops her hands and narrows her eyes at him, face lined with hardness. A bitter sensation settles in her mouth at the thought of him wandering off on his own.

“No. I won’t let you.”

Dimitri laughs. A maniacal, delirious laughter. He steps one foot forward as a crooked smile finds his lips, like a man possessed. “You, Professor? Are you going to be the one to stop me?” His voice is mocking. A taunt, above all else. And she understands he means to intimidate her when he draws closer with a crazed look in his eye. “Be my guest! I dare you to try!”

When he gets too close, she shoves him backwards with both hands, just enough to afford her some distance. The sword of the Creator hums and hangs at her hip, but she makes no motion to withdraw it.

“Don’t challenge me,” she warns and her voice is mostly even. Intimidation isn’t her strong suit, but her eyes stay fixed on his single one with a stubborn determination. Even still, she steels herself should he ever reach for the lance at his back.

He shakes his head and at her adamant insistence, takes a step back. “Then I swear to you this, my dear Professor.” The hissing voice that comes out of that mouth is a poor mockery of Dimitri’s own, dissonant to her ears. “If you ever get in my way, or you dare to stop me from severing that woman’s head, I will not hesitate to kill you too.”

With a huff, he turns his heel and gruffly storms out the room. She waits for the wave of shock to pass, and then her brave face is gone, replaced with an old and tired expression. She finally lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and suddenly, disappointment weighs heavy on her shoulders and she forces herself to sit down. Her breaths even out slowly.

Footsteps draw near, and she glances up to the waiting eyes of Felix and Sylvain, who’d been privy to that uncomfortable exchange. Felix is the first to speak.

“There’s no use talking to him when he gets like that. Nothing is going to reach him,” he offers rather brusquely, even though his words carry some ounce of sympathy.

She looks to Sylvain, who appears quite lax despite their circumstance.

“What he means by that is Dimitri’s had his rough patches before. Today was just one of them, so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Besides, dark expressions don’t really suit you,” he remarks loosely. She raises a small brow at his nonchalance and as inattentive as Sylvain appears, he seems to read her cue. “Even I still have a hard time accepting who he is, but everyone has their faults, right? And he’s my friend, first and foremost. All I’m saying is, I’m not worrying just yet. As much as I hate seeing him like this, I have faith he’ll turn around eventually.”

“Tch. He’ll be grovelling when the time comes.”

Groveling?

She creases her brow, tries really hard to understand, but the redhead just shakes his head. “For now, the most we can do is keep a close eye on him and make sure he’s safe until he figures it out.”

“Hmph. That mind of his though. So consumed with the dead. The boar has no control of himself. I’m this close to being done with him.”

For some reason, Sylvain gets a laugh out of that one. It confuses her wildly, because they don’t seem to grasp the weight of the situation. Dimitri is on the brink of madness and they jest as if it were another day at the academy.

She thinks it over again though. They’ve known him longer. They’re more familiar with his patterns of behaviour. She remembers questioning it frequently then. The way Felix constantly muttered his distaste for the Prince and his ‘monstrous’ qualities, even going so far as refusing to call him by name. Or when Sylvain raised a brow and kept a worried expression throughout their battle in Remire, because of all the chaotic violence they witnessed. She didn’t know what all of that meant back then. His darkness had been kept a heavily guarded secret between nobles.

Sylvain is the more perceptive one once again. “I know it’s hard to forget all the awful things he says and does, but I ought to give him a chance. We’ve been friends since we were kids. I owe him that much, at least.”

She pauses her train of thought. “What makes you so sure he can change?”

The redhead shrugs, but it’s not without a level of uncertainty. “He’s done it before. Besides, he has you helping him this time. To be honest, he never meant for you to see this side of him, but the fact that you have, and you’re still willing to see him through it…well, he should consider himself blessed.”

Blessed? Mild confusion washes over again. She tries to wrap her head around it, the idea as clear as mud. And even when they leave, the thought sticks with her for the rest of the day.

----------

The meeting scheduled at Aillel isn’t without complication. Besides the scorching heat and blistering fumes in the land said to be born of the goddess’ rage, it turns out there was a spy among them and soldiers awaited their arrival. Somehow, and Byleth still isn’t sure how the goddess is carrying her this far, they make it back to the monastery relatively in one piece. Rodrigue has chosen to come with them, along with several of his troops and men. She is glad to see their army and resources growing in number.

She’s avoided clashing with Dimitri in any way she can. Their last conversation is still a fresh wound. Besides, Rodrigue’s presence seems to draw out some sense in the prince. She would be foolish to tamper with that. If she recalls correctly, this man had taken him in, even treated him as his own, when the King had passed.

Once again, she cleans her wounds on her own. She douses her burns and blisters in salt water, hisses at the searing contact, and pulls the sleeves over her arms when she leaves her quarters. Later that night, she ambles up the stairs of the Goddess Tower.

On their way back from Aillel, she came across a…revelation, so to speak. She’d been sitting with her former students, sorting out inventory of weapons and medicinal supplies. The routine has a soothing, meditative effect on her, so she was minding her own business for the most part. Somehow, they started reminiscing about their academy days – a frequent topic of conversation – and what they had done on the night of the ball. She’d been partially listening at that point, and only glanced up when they addressed her.

“Professor, are you aware of the legends associated with the Goddess Tower?” Ingrid piped up, features friendly.

She nodded. “My understanding is that wishes made in that tower will come true.” Briefly, she mulled over the innocent wish she made there five years ago and as an afterthought, she added quietly, “I’m not sure if I believe it.”

“Aww, come on. That’s only a small part of it. The tower is supposed to be a place where lovers meet, and the wishes represent the vows and promises you make to one another. That’s why the person you bring there should be important to you, like someone you love,” Sylvain explained. Ironically, he then went on to list all the girls he had taken there, much to the chagrin of the others.

Her face did not imply as much, but the information was new to her. When Dimitri asked her to meet him there, she thought nothing of it. She was clueless, even as he explained his disbelief for the old legend and still made a wish. For the sake of tradition, she made her own as well.

Afterwards, he considered if it would make more sense to wish they were together forever. By her own logic, that would cross the boundaries of their professional relationship, so she offered him a blank stare in return. He followed up nicely saying he improved in the art of joke telling.

Aware now of the romantic implications of the tower, he was right. It would have made more sense. She simply didn’t understand back then. As a Professor and even to this day, she’s socially inept at times, often failing to understand human conventions and emotions. Her students, and even other Professors, teased her often or said all kinds of crazy things to get her to emote anything besides her blank gaze.

“Professor, did you ever meet anybody at the Goddess Tower? Or made a wish of your own?” Annette had asked, giddy with a dreamy look in her eyes.

“Yes. I suppose I have,” she tells truthfully, not expecting the collective shock that flash across their faces. Much to their disappointment, she’d gotten out of that conversation courtesy of Rodrigue, who requested to speak with her.

Byleth remembers that conversation. That’s how she got here.

Resting her hand against the stone wall, she stares out at the open window and gazes out into the starry sky and white moon. The same view from five years ago, when she made a promise to Dimitri. She understands now it wasn’t a wish, but more like a vow.

She repeats it to herself again, but with more hope this time.

I wish one day I could see you freed from your darkness.

And instead of relying on old legends to make it happen, she’s determined to see it through for herself.

----------

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #byleth #dimileth #dimileth fanfic #post timeskip #angst #romance

122 notes · View notes

lion-blossoms · 5 years

Text

never back down {FE3H Dimileth}

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & My Unit | Byleth Characters: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, My Unit | Byleth Additional Tags: Female My Unit | Byleth, Mentioned Blue Lions Students (Fire Emblem), Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Spoilers, Post-Time Skip, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Canon Compliant, Azure Moon Route Summary:

“The Dimitri you once knew is dead. All that remains is the repulsive, blood-stained monster you see before you.”

Not if Byleth has anything to say about it.

(Just a little exploration of Byleth’s POV and adding on to the “War Council: Guardian Moon” scene in the Azure Moon route

Rated T just to be on the safe side with some of the dialogue used from the game)

Excerpt:

Dimitri’s words had echoed in Byleth's mind all through the night, and even now, during that morning’s council meeting, they did not leave her. Though she needed to focus on the meeting, she could not stop herself from replaying them, or from picturing the look on his face as he said them, no matter how much it felt like a hammer was driving a nail deeper into her heart, the weight in her chest growing heavier with every repetition.

Dimitri… His words had not always been vicious and uncaring. Five years ago, they were more warm and thoughtful. He was warm and thoughtful. A steadfast ally and a true friend.

Byleth was not unaware of the darkness that lurked underneath even back then, however. It was true that there were times where his words and actions had been harsh -- but he had always directed that side of him at his enemies, at heartless villains like Solon who hurt the innocent. Not directed at the people who supported him through each battle. Not at his friends.

Not at her.

Read the rest on AO3!

#dimileth #byleth x dimitri #fe3h fanfic #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #byleth #fe3h spoilers

23 notes · View notes

letters-from-the-three-houses · 5 years

Note

Depending on how far you are in the game what are your feelings on Dimigard now? Have they changed or have they not, and if so then why or why not?

ACK OKAY. i’m on the golden deer route currently so i haven’t really seen anything ‘dimigard’ (except for one off-handed comment claude makes during one of the mock battles) BUT i do know the spoilers and i have a lot to say about it so here we go!! (contains spoilers for BE and BL routes)

tl;dr: my feelings haven’t really changed and i still like the idea of them together, except now everything is 436% more angsty

btw, here’s the comment claude makes (and dimitri’s response):

i know claude just said it to catch him off-guard but of all the things to say claude why

confession time: dimitri and edelgard’s relationship reminds me of alm and celica, if they became enemies because of their different ideologies. it isn’t exactly a one to one parallel, but a) childhood friends that meet up again later, b) having two different objectives, and c) one of them giving a memento to the other really made me think about these two in a different light?? i dunno

it tugs my heartstrings because they become so different when they meet up again. i can’t say i know what exactly happens between them, but their shared history makes it bittersweet

first, i’ll mention this one bit in byleth/edelgard’s a rank support:

edelgard: “You know…instead of Edelgard, you can call me just El. If you so please. That’s what my parents and closest sisters used to call me when I was little. Now there’s no one left who calls me El… But with you, well…I think I could allow it. In fact, it would mean a great deal to me.”

so the nickname ‘el’ is used by the people closest to edelgard! i’d find it cute if it wasn’t for the fact that her parents/sisters are, well, gone so i like how she confides with byleth and trusts them enough to call her el.

then i looked through a couple of other text files in the leak (the ones that /feg/ got before the game was released) and then i found this file:

(i’m picking out lines so this won’t be longer than it should be, but i tried to keep the context intact!)

dimitri: “As a child, Edelgard taught me how to dance. It was…a bit awkward, honestly. We were born and raised in different territories, without ever knowing the other even existed. Yet, against all odds, for just over a year, we became childhood friends. At first I found her to be difficult and stubborn, but that facade quickly fell away, revealing her true self beneath… That’s around the time when she taught me how to dance. Her instruction was… Oh, let’s call it strict. To put it nicely.”

(flashback!edelgard): “Wrong foot, Dimitri! You’re supposed to lead with your right!”(flashback!dimitri): “El, the sun’s going down! I really oughta be heading home…”

and i thought ‘wait! dimitri called her el!’ and then my next thought was ‘oh no what happened??????’

knowing that some (if not all) a rank supports are locked to post-skip, this is clearly after the fact that edelgard is known to be the flame emperor and their relationship is at the point of no return (edit: i meant about how eddie says there’s no one left to call her ‘el’. the above scene happens during the month with the ball!), but hold up. there’s more:

dimitri: “That one year before she had to return to the Empire was…so much fun. The time of my life, in many ways. It’s kind of pathetic to think about it all these years later, but can you guess what I gave her as a parting gift? (after saying it was a dagger) In Faerghus, we’ve long considered blades as tools of destiny. As a way to cut a path to a better future. She was being dragged all over, unable to live the life she wanted. I thought the dagger could help her cut a path to the future she dreamed of. However…that was many years ago. I’m sure she’s forgotten all about the boy I was back then.”

byleth: “It’s not too late to reconnect.”

dimitri: “I’m afraid it’s far too late for that. Things are different now. She’s different. I’m different.”

WOW NO THAT SUCKS. this is like, the epitome of ‘if things were different’

and then there’s this text file (goddess tower w/ eddie):

byleth: “Who was your first true love?”edelgard: “I can’t say the name, but it was a noble who I met in the Kingdom, a lifetime ago.”

aND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT THAT BUT WHO?? WHO IS THIS NOBLE FROM THE KINGDOM?? IS IT DIMITRI?????

i’m going to scream

all in all, i don’t think i’ll stop liking them together because wow this is a piece of work, but i really just want them to be happy ;w;

there is no way they can be happy together in-game. it’s just not possible. they’re too different, there’s bad blood, and the way that the story shapes up, they can’t go back to their kiddie selves

still though, i ship them bc it’s?? so fascinating to think about?? i can’t take much of it all at once (i don’t like angst;;) but the what if that comes included with them is too good to pass up

in another lifetime, universe, or anything where the turn of events doesn’t happen, they’d be good friends. right now though, i remember some people saying they’re like star-crossed lovers and boy do i hate how much i love it

bonus edit:

dimitri: “But if there is any chance that the world she seeks to create could be a just one… Then I… I would love to see a future in which I may reach out my hand for her and have her reach back.”

PLUS this interaction between the two post-skip

kid!dimitri: “El! So it’s true… You’re really going away? Going back home?”kid!el: “There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s all happening so fast… I’m as surprised as you are.”k!d: “El… Um… Here. I want you to have this. El, listen to me. No matter how hard things get, you can’t give in, OK? You’ve got to cut a path to the future you wish for, no matter what.”k!e: “It’s…a dagger? Why would you give me something like this?”k!d: “Oh, um… I’m sorry. I couldn’t think of anything better to give you.”e: “I…I remember now. You gave me a dagger, all those years ago.”d: “Heh, I’m still sorry about that. I should have given you something that would’ve made you happier.”e: “Perhaps. At the time, I was quite flustered by such a dangerous gift. I left without giving you a proper response…and that was the last time we saw each other.”d: “True. It is a sweet memory with a bitter ending.”e: “I’m afraid it will do no good to reminisce, Dimitri. That girl you knew back then is gone. As good as dead. But…I’ll tell you now what I wasn’t able to tell you back then. Thank you. My dear, forgotten friend…because of you, I never lost my heart. As for the future…that will be decided in battle. King of Faerghus. As the emperor, I shall await your arrival in Enbarr.”

also, if anyone asks about their status as family members, i don’t quite mind it because while they’re step-siblings, they grew up separately and never really knew the other existed. i know it might make some people uncomfortable, but in a perfect world, where eddie’s mother doesn’t have to leave her dad and kid!e and kid!d grow up in loving families, when they meet later i’d like to think they’d be able to have the same friendship as they did during the bad!timeline

#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #edelgard von hresvelg #asks #spoilers #anon

82 notes · View notes

insecure-amphibian · 4 years

Text

After thinking about it a bit.

I think Flayn really got the shortest end of the stick after the Time Skip in any route.

If you think about it, in every route but Crimson Flower, it's implied she was sleeping in the Holy Mausoleum over the five years because of Seteth's need to protect her.

Imagine watching everything you loved fall apart infront of you and the only response you have is a five year long hibernation and when you wake up many years have gone by and the person who saved your life, who you thought to be dead returns along with every one of your classmates. But they aren't children anymore. They're young adults with the world in their shoulders who have gone through the tragedy of war, who have grown up and changed. And this is the second time that the world around you has moved on.

In Blue Lions, Flayn would suddenly be thrust back into her class with Dimitri, who completely changed from a kind and caring young man to a blood thirsty, allegedly irredeemable monster who is so vocal about how he's only using everyone to get what he wants.

Many of her classmates have fought on the frontlines, believing Dimitri to be dead, their patience shot, their acceptance completely rattled because they don't know who they can and can't trust anymore. And I am absolutely sure that she would be so ridiculously impacted by Dedue's death.

In Golden Deer, the only thing anyone ever needs her for anymore, is to try and answer questions. Not that Flayn knew much because of everything Rhea did. She assists in completely overthrowing the Empire and then turns around to go and face the biggest threat she's ever dealt with, that of course being the very same group of people that killed her mother so long ago. All while the truth of who and what she is, is just short of completely leaked to her classmates. And when the war is over, the church system looses its power the world as she knows it completely changes.

In Crimson Flower, she fights against the classmates and the professor that saved her life, and if she's sparred she hides from the world once again, never given the opportunity to experience the world and her mere existance being seen as a threat to Edelgard. It's almost KINDER to kill her and Seteth. (But only both of them.)

In Silver Snow, she meets back up with students who had previously been allied with, or Atleast in a way, associated with the biggest threat to her existance, being Edelgard. Her secrets are so carefully shared to presumably all of her class while Seteth, Flayn and Byleth fight against Edelgard, later rescue Rhea but also have to fight twsitd. And when all is said and done and the war finally seems to be over... Rhea goes insane and Flayn has to be apart of the group that puts her down for good.

Flayn lives through the entire world moving on around her, twice. She watches her very first chance at friends grow up and either completely turn on her or grow up into new people leaving her bending.

Her A support with Dimitri has her admitting that her biggest fear is falling asleep and having time move on and everyone forget about her. But that support can only happen post time skip. Her fear is so reasonable, because it happened to her twice. And while the world moved on she was sleeping because her father worried so much.

And not to mention, on top of this, if you don't get her support high enough with anyone and you don't S-support Seteth? She and Seteth go into hiding, only for the world to move on again immediately after the war. For all of her friends to live the rest of their lives while she is isolated once again, only to reemerge centuries later to a changed Fódlan.

Flayn gets the shortest end of the stick with the timeskip.

#fire emblem spoilers #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem #flayn #flayn fire emblem #seteth #Flayn was my favorite character #i like to imagine in timelines where she gets an ending with someone that she never leaves them all and still talks to her classmates #and that eventually all of her classmates know the truth and she promises to remember them even when they're all dead and gone #she's baby #i love her

2 notes · View notes

three-houses-text-files · 5 years

Text

dimitri/gilbert

c-a support + paired ending

*warning: minor character/major story spoilers

Dimitri: Here you are, Gilbert. Have you finished your prayers? Gilbert: Ah! Your Highness! I... This... D: Ah, but you and I are the only ones present, so I suppose I should not call you Gilbert. D: Gustave... It's been a while, hasn't it? Around three years, I believe? (pre-skip) D: Gustave... It has been eight years since I last called you by that name. (post-skip) G: Your Highness. I must deeply apologize for leaving the Kingdom without permission. I was... D: There is no need to explain, old friend. I can guess at your reasons... The Tragedy of Duscur. D: You felt responsible for that incident, and sought respite in the goddess, abandoning your name, rank, and homeland in repentance. Am I right? G: I have no excuses to offer. This... It was all I could think to do. D: I always knew you for a pious man. And I figured that if you were to leave, this is where you would end up. D: You have changed much. Your face does not have the same resolve it once did. G: If I may, Your Highness... You have changed as well. D: I can't disagree. G: It was my duty to protect His Majesty. Your father. Naturally, that also included Lady Patricia and yourself as well. (pre-skip) G: It was my duty to protect His Majesty. Your father. Naturally, that included yourself as well. (post-skip) D: My father and mother are gone. No amount of regret will bring them back. (pre-skip) D: No amount of regret can bring the dead back to us. (post-skip) G: My dreams are haunted by the thought that, had I arrived at Duscur more swiftly... D: You saved my life at Duscur. I have only gratitude for you, no blame to speak of. D: Return to the Kingdom, Gustave. D: I wish for you to remain in the Kingdom, Gustave. Even after this conflict is over. D: I need your strength to help rebuild the rotten husk that Faerghus has become. (pre-skip) D: I need your strength to help rebuild the ravaged land that Faerghus has become. (post-skip) G: Please. I beg your forgiveness, but there is no place left for me in that land. D: I see. Though much has changed, your stubbornness remains. D: I have no desire to trouble you. If you do not wish to return, that is your choice to make. D: But I do advise you to at least visit the place of your birth. If only for your family's sake. G: Yes, Your Highness. Thank you. I appreciate your concern.

——————————————————————————————

G: Your Highness. It falls to me once more to instruct you in the ways of battle. G: It does not befit a leader to fight on the front lines. I would ask that you refrain from such conduct in the future. D: I've not had to weather your lectures in many a year. And here I thought you were avoiding me. G: That is...a separate matter. You have a duty to consider the value of your own life. D: Your words ring true, of course. I admit I was a bit careless out there. D: However, I have always been a man who is good for nothing but war. D: To best support our cause, I must carve a path through the battlefield with my own hands. I truly believe that will lead us to victory. D: Why the dark expression, Gustave? Do my words trouble you so? G: You remind me of your father. His Majesty once said the same thing, more than a decade ago, during the northern campaign. G: In you, I see his manner, and I hear his words. You grow more like him with each day's passing. G: And, in you, I am reminded of my failure in my duty to him. D: I do not wish to speak of that matter. As I said before, I feel no resentment toward you. G: Even so... You have changed since that fateful day, Your Highness. Perhaps too much. G: I worry that in your pain, you have locked away your true feelings. Your passion is dulled. And your vigor faded. D: You want to hear my true feelings, Gustave? Then let me ask you this. D: Why did you save my life that day? Why did you not allow me to die along with the others? D: If you truly wish to atone for your sins... D: Then take my life, here and now. G: You would ask me to perform the unthinkable! G: You are the future of Faerghus. Your Kingdom needs you alive. G: That I was able to save you...is my only sense of salvation. G: Your Highness, I repeat myself—consider the value of your own life. G: If you continue risking all, be it on the battlefield or by issuing mad orders such as this, I will be forced to save you from yourself. D: I see. So, you will continue to protect and serve me, will you? D: In that case, when I assume the throne, I will order you to work for me in the Kingdom. G: Your Highness? No... Please... D: My father would be happy to see such a day. Perhaps I will ask you to instruct me further in the ways of battle when that time comes. G: If I wish to atone for my sins, I must take your life? Deception has never been your strong suit, Dimitri. Or do you think I cannot see? G: You must know I would take my own life before I let anyone harm you.

——————————————————————————————

G: What brings you here at this hour? And with sword in hand, no less. Hardly the appropriate attire for prayer. D: I am not here to pray to the goddess. I am here... to atone for my sins. G: I see... G: You are your father's reflection. He was never skilled at deception, either... G: Your demand that I take your life was sincere. No matter how you might pretend otherwise. D: How astute of you. So, you think you can see right through me, do you? G: I watched over you from the day you were born. G: And that is why it pains me so to do this. It is like taking the life of my own son. D: I am sorry to burden you with this, but you have my gratitude. Now, make it quick. G: Yes. G: Hrrahhh! D: You really are...a cruel man... G: You believe death will bring an end to your torment? That is nothing but an act of cowardice. G: No matter how difficult, no matter how painful... Your duty to your people is to continue fighting. D: Even if those who have died...the many whose lives I have taken...would rather see me dead? G: Many pray for your death. However, there are far more who need you here. Alive. G: In Faerghus. In the monastery. In this army. And here. Standing before you. G: To serve you. To bear your torment alongside you. That, Your Highness, is my atonement. D: Look at my hands... D: They are shaking. D: When I saw your sword swing before my eyes... For the first time, I did not wish to die. D: Many times I have felt that I cannot afford to die... But this was the first time I truly feared the prospect. D: Tell me, Gustave... Is it really right for me to live? G: It is, Your Highness. It truly is. D: I... Thank you.

——————————————————————————————

paired ending

Dimitri assumed the throne of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus and spent his life ruling justly over Fódlan. At his side was the knight, Gustave, who had discarded the name of Gilbert and reaffirmed his oath of fealty to the royal family. After many more years of service, in which the trust between them grew and never wavered, Gustave finally wished to retire. Though he bristled slightly at Dimitri's request to look after and tutor the young prince, it is said that Gustave took on that duty with due patience and solemnity for the remainder of his life.

#fire emblem three houses spoilers #fe16 spoilers #fe3h spoilers #dimitri x gilbert #gilbert x dimitri

10 notes · View notes

minttoy · 5 years

Text

Wayward (End)

CHAPTER THREE

She wakes up five years later, only to learn the world hasn’t been kind.

Missing scenes post time skip (Blue Lions route).

Pairings: Dimitri/Byleth

Genre: Romance/Angst

Click here to read on FF.net.

Click here to read on AO3.

----------

I entrust the young prince, and the future of Faerghus to you.

The clash at Gronder Field feels like an uphill battle. Soon the ground lays waste to students she once knew. There’s no use turning the hands of time. Things won’t go back to normal, if it ever was. Victory in war has always been paid with lives and spilt blood.

All I ask is that you continue to rein in Dimitri’s manic desire for revenge.

The battle is punctuated with a death of their own. Rodrigue is killed shielding Dimitri, bound to the same fate as Glenn. He’s now fulfilled his promise to the late King. Byleth bites her lip as he whispers his dying words – apologies to Felix, urging Dimitri to live for himself. He briefly glances in her direction and she nods, acknowledging what he asked of her.

Afterwards, Dimitri stays on his knees. His eye is closed. His hair falls and covers his face. She hopes he sees now that revenge comes a cost. Byleth knows it will be the same with Edelgard. She will haunt him just the same.

I’m glad you were the one to lead the Blue Lion house, Professor.

Rodrigue has passed her the torch to guide the prince in his stead. She won’t fail him.

----------

The journey back to Garreg Mach is quiet.

Felix insists he needs nothing. He refuses apologies or condolences from soldiers. He won’t be coddled or treated differently by his teammates. Dimitri is just the same, except he won’t say anything at all. How unfortunate, because if not for Dimitri’s temperament or Felix’s stubbornness, Byleth thinks their shared grief could help each other the most.

Felix hides behind a façade of exhaustion. His family has served the Blaiddyd bloodline for generations, but it has left him without a brother and father. He might care and believe Dimitri will have a change of heart, but Byleth still wishes with fervent desperation his hope doesn’t wane.

Perhaps Dimitri feels the same. The somber look he shoots his stubborn friend on a lucid day is more than telling. As if he wouldn’t blame him for abandoning him or his noble station at all, even if they’d been best friends at one time.

----------

It’s raining. He can hear the pitter-patter of drops against the window pane. The clouds filter away the sun, making the room dim and dank, but it’s almost calming. He’s used to this kind of darkness. When Dimitri opens his eyes, he registers he’s lying on one of the infirmary beds. When he turns to the window to glance at the rain, he startles.

There’s a woman standing there, her vacant gaze locked to the view of the monastery.

Silver white hair. Gowned in red. She wears horns for a crown.

He hates the sight of her. Grunting, he reaches for his lance, which stands against the wall at his bedside. He winces when he moves, but he grits his teeth and bears it.

“Don’t move. You’ll reopen your wounds.”

She sounds the same. The tone of her voice strict and commanding. Edelgard was never gentle with him, even when they were children. Even at the academy, where she scoffed at his concerns. The sound of her voice grates his ears now.

He ignores her and sits up anyway, ignoring the blood rushing from his head, leaving him with a throbbing headache. He questions what she’s doing here. She’s supposed to be in Enbarr, devising tactics and scheming to get Fódlan under her control. He’s supposed to meet her there.

“Hmm. You’re not even real,” he says gruffly.

“How cruel,” she says, feigning an affronted look.

He despises how she tries to manipulate him even now. “Leave me.”

“I’m afraid I have no choice in the matter.” Edelgard turns to him with a sigh, heavy cape swishing behind her. Her arms are crossed around her middle. The heels of her boots thump against the hardwood floors as she draws closer. She has the gall to take the stool at his bedside. He attempts to erase her from his mind, but it’s to no avail.

“Oh, my dear brother…” she starts, eyes glazing and inspecting him whole. She sees him now – his body covered with scars, fingers bent and broken, eye gauged and rendered useless from battle. She settles on his face where darkness colours the skin under his eyes. He can’t stop her, even though he wants nothing more than to wipe the pity off her face.

“Edelgard. Leave me. Now,” he repeats, a looming threat in his voice this time round.

“I’ve told you already,” she says coolly, unfazed by his crazed disposition. “It is you who lacks the will to leave me. Even after all this time, you still cannot let me go.”

Let her go? He knows no reason why she would be here except…No. Has she become one of his ghosts? Is she…dead? Was he the one who…?

She reads his mind and clears her throat, forcing him to look. When he turns, she opens her arms and lets him see for himself. His nose crinkles and lips curl in disgust.

A bloody wound is carved below her chest, splitting her skin apart. The soaked patch of blood in her stomach grows, seeping down to her legs and knees. Even now her wound still oozes and festers. Life withers out of her as they speak. He looks to her face in search for answers.

“Did I-” He hesitates and gags a little, not knowing why he falters when this is what he wanted. “Tell me. Did I do that to you?”

Edelgard doesn’t let up, even for a moment. She pulls down the neckline of her dress, revealing the jagged and uneven slits at her throat. Angry red lines and unclean, serrated edges. How hasty he must have been when he severed her head from her body. Even after all this, he finds no arrogance or haughtiness in her face. Instead, her features are scrunched in pain, like these wounds still hurt even after she’s passed.

He retches. The sight finally does him in and he looks away. So it’s true. She haunts him too.

“I…I don’t understand…” He buries his face in his hands and sighs in defeat. Why does he sting with regret after wanting her death for so long? Why does she haunt him? “El, I…I’m…” He thinks back on their childhood days when he encouraged her to live for herself. “I-I’m so sorry,” is the first thing that comes to his mind, absurd as it is.

“You apologize for murder?” She raises him a brow, rightfully so. He must sound foolish. His apology irks her, because she stiffens in her seat and expression hardens. “You are deluded. How much did my life matter then?”

Dimitri is unable to look her in the eye, even as she rains down on him.

He hears her sigh in exasperation. She continues without mercy. “Was it worth it? To hear the scream tearing from my lips? To see blood gushing from my chest?”

He doesn’t miss the cruelty in her words. He thinks he deserves it. Instead he looks down at his hands, thinking of the destruction and death they’ve caused. The throbbing in his head pounds harder the more she scorns him.

“How naïve of you to believe the voices would stop. To think that my death would be your salvation. Everything you have done has become in vain! Pitiful you are,” she spits harsh and unapologetic. “Am I not here by your own hands? Your own undoing? Tell me, Dimitri. Have I not become someone else you failed to save?”

He makes a frustrated noise as he cradles his head. “Stop or I will silence you myself!”

She laughs. “Ha! Silence me? So long as you tread in darkness, you will never be rid of me. I swear it.”

He refuses to look, but she must be leaning closer now. Her sharp words are so clear and certain, echoing loud in his ears.

“You are a failure, dear brother. How could someone as weak and pathetic as yourself ever hope to become King? I would never bow to you. You can hardly control your own nature, or save your own kin…”

Her voice hitches at the last part. He remember now she was once precious to him. He used to cherish their childhood. They shared a mother. He once gifted her something so important.

He listens to her footsteps as they fade into the background. She’s leaving, he realizes. After a while, he cautiously peers upwards, finding relief when she’s gone. He still wishes this would stop.

Soon there’s light humming on his other side. Fatigued, he looks to his right. A young girl sits, carefully examining a weapon in her hands. He was foolish to think she would leave him so easily, even though this one is different. There’s innocence in her eyes. Purple ribbons in her hair. Seeing the brown colour of her hair reminds him she harboured her own darkness.

She notices him staring. “Oh, you’re awake now.” This time, her voice doesn’t bother him at all. He watches as a young Edelgard hops off the stool and stands at the edge of his bedside. She holds the weapon out to him, perhaps to give it back. “I’ve been meaning to ask. Why did you give this to me? I don’t know how to use it.”

He groans lightly. As much as a part of him wants to take the dagger, carve out her heart and sever her head with it, he cannot do it. She is a mere child. She has committed no bloodshed. All his memories of this girl are fond and cherished. Instead, he tries to soften the hard edges on his face.

“You…you’re supposed to use it to carve your future,” he explains wearily. The concept seems jaded now, maybe even backfired on him, but it meant the world when he gave it to her.

She purses her lips. “My future? How?”

He shakes his head. “It’s symbolic. More of a gesture…I gave it to you so you could decide your own path. Don’t let others decide for you. You have to do it yourself.”

“Oh…” There’s a light in her eyes now, one that he never saw at the academy. She looks at the weapon with new understanding, admiring it now. “…I can do anything I want?”

He gulps. It breaks his heart, because even after all the death and destruction committed by her misguided hands, he still feels the same. She deserves that very right. “Yes. Anything.”

She beams and he misses her. He remembers the time they spent as children, misses the stories they shared of their mother. He wants her to stay, before she disappears and withers with time. Before darkness gets a hold of her. And for a second, he thinks killing her so brutally was a mistake. His most grievous error. Maybe he could still save her. He could offer out his hand, just as the Professor has always-

“Dimitri!”

With a choked-off cry, Dimitri shoots up from the bed, eye flashing wide open. He darts around the room looking for her and finds no blood or lilac eyes. Instead he’s met with the gazes of Ashe and Mercedes at either side, Dedue standing behind the latter. They peer down at him with concern and caution. Ashe removes his hands from his shoulders and Dimitri looks to him in desperation.

“Where is she?”

“Who?”

“El. Where is she?” It comes out before he registers none of them know her by that name. Besides the Professor, no one even knows of their past relations.

“Do you mean…Edelgard?” Mercedes’s soft voice pipes up. He pauses, and she takes his silence as affirmation. “Well, she must be in Enbarr, right?” She looks to Dedue behind her, who nods.

He breathes a heavy sigh of relief. She’s alive then. Dimitri finally glances around the room and at himself. His arms are wrapped in bandages and he winces at a pain at his ribs. He doesn’t remember how he got here, much less what day it is.

“Umm…” Ashe hesitates and it stings, because he knows he’s been prone to lashing out. “You started thrashing in your sleep. We worried you might hurt yourself. That’s why we woke you.”

Mercedes hums in agreement. “That’s right. You gave us quite a scare. You must have been having a terrible dream.”

Dimitri nods slowly. He remembers her bloody form with absolute clarity. “Ah, yes. It was a terrible dream.”

He’s met with strange gazes. They seem…surprised. The past months have been rather hazy – he can hardly recall the long stretches he spent in the cathedral. Perhaps it’s rather abnormal not to find him grumbling and snarling at his peers.

“Your Highness. How do you feel?” Dedue asks.

He clears his throat, dry and coarse all of a sudden. “Better,” he gets out before deciding to say it again, more for his sake. “…I feel better.”

Mercedes puts a hand to her heart. Ashe smiles wide, fear no longer in his eyes. Dedue nods at him. He shifts his gaze to the window where a simple white curtain blows with the wind. Edelgard still walks this world, roaming in a darkness of her own. He clenches his hands at the thought of it and then pushes it to the back of his mind. For now, he focuses on his peers, to whom he owes his life.

“I…Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. For taking care of me. I understand I have not made things easy,” he starts, sounding much like the Dimitri they knew then. Their house leader and friend. “I cannot promise I will never slip back to my darker ways, but…”

Mercedes shakes her head. “Oh, Dimitri. It’s okay.”

He doesn’t need to say anything else, just looks at them with gratitude. He swears to return the favour one day.

“I’ll go inform our Professor he’s woken up,” Ashe pipes up, already turning his heel for the door.

Ah, the Professor...Dimitri attempts to turn and swing his legs over the edge, but he stops to hold onto his side, still sore and bruised.

“Please do not overexert yourself, your Highness. Perhaps you should take this time to rest,” Dedue says, ever the voice of reason. Dimitri doesn’t argue. He knows he cannot win this battle and eases himself back to bed.

“Of course.”

----------

His darkness still shows from time to time, but it’s better. Years of harbouring hatred and anger does not leave him so easily, much less overnight. Mercedes and Annette tell her there are days when he seems to hold no darkness at all as he engages in conversation not of war or destruction. But then there are days he wakes up angry. Even if he quiets the voices in his head they still whisper.

Byleth peruses the thought as she ushers the horses into the stable, keeping them away from the rain and pending storm. She rushes a little because she needs to seek shelter herself. Her cloak has become soaked and heavy. It sticks to her back rather uncomfortably. Her boots have gathered water in their soles. She could catch a cold.

She pauses briefly at the sound of footsteps drawing closer. She doesn’t look. She knows the rhythm of Dimitri’s step, knows the heavy metal thuds that make up his gait. She’s become too familiar with his behaviours these past few months. She catches the frown on his face as she locks the bolts to the stable.

He’s withdrawn today, if the brooding look on his face tells her anything.

In this relentless rain, she listens as talks solemnly of the dead. One of his ghosts must have urged him to continue down his path of revenge. He tells her he cannot stop and he must have his vengeance. It’s been nine years in the making. Everything he’s done up until now will help him secure his goal, and she shouldn’t try to convince him otherwise. There’s pain in his confession, because it makes her feel used, ashamed even. Regardless, she tells him what he needs to hear.

He’s wrong. He ought to forgive himself. Live for what he believes.

Somehow, and perhaps because he’s always known, her words find their mark. Finally, he considers the possibility of living – not for retribution’s sake, but for his own sake. He wonder if he’s even deserving of such a precious gift.

Byleth’s answer is the same as it’s always been.

She offers her hand out to him.

He didn’t take it the first time.

This time, he does. It’s not without fear or hesitation, but that’s okay.

She knows now his distaste for fragile things was his fear of himself. It was never a lack of understanding of his own strength, but rather what he was capable of doing when his mind spiralled out of his control. She knows he resents himself for becoming that person. And yet, she sees how delicately he folds her hands in his, and knows he’s not that person anymore.

She looks at their hands, hers wrapped in his larger ones. She lets go, but only to unlatch his metal gauntlet and tuck it under her arm. Gently, she examines the criss-cross marks along his arm and his long calloused fingers. He doesn’t resist as her fingers scour his skin, tracing old scars and wounds.

She holds their hands together again, teaching him to intertwining them.

His gaze is trained on her fingers. He watches as raindrops run along them.

“Your hand is so warm…”

She doesn’t say anything, just squeezes his hand gently.

When he looks up, he finds a new expression. A smile that reaches even her eyes, captures her joy, and bares her soul. He’s drawn to it, mesmerized by it. He thinks it holds enough light for the whole world.

A calm settles inside and he memorizes her face, just as he did when he was a student. Gently, he squeezes her hand back, just as she hoped when his darkness breaks free.

----------

Dimitri shows up the next meeting and for the first time, he seems nervous. When he asks a moment of their time, he wishes to give his sincerest apologies. He knows words are insufficient, but it’s all he can offer. Instead, he promises to do the right thing moving forward.

Finally, he turns from Edelgard. He agrees to take back Fhirdiad. If he’s uncomfortable with the idea, it doesn’t show, even though she knows he has his reservations. The last time he’d been at the Kingdom capital was a difficult time.

When the meeting is over, he apologizes again to Felix, who hardly accepts it. In turn, he tells him to stop grovelling and then calls him a boar, albeit Byleth thinks it’s on friendlier terms. Even now, Dimitri doesn’t correct him. Perhaps the familiarity is more comforting than it seems.

----------

Later, when victory rings in the streets of Fhirdiad, they hold a feast to mark the celebration. She lets them have it. They deserve the small luxury. She doesn’t heart to tell anyone she’s out of her comfort zone when they shove a wine glass in her hands or invite her for conversation. She only slips out when she sees the moon and stars have become visible in the sky.

The balcony is empty, but she shivers and wraps her cloak tighter to fend off the chill. It’s cold enough her breath condenses when she blows heat into her hands. She hardly took up mercenary contracts here for this reason. She doesn’t like to admit how she struggles with the cooler temperatures either. It’s most noticeable during battle where suddenly, she’s low on stamina and gasping for air crumbs. Her students seemed rather comfortable though.

She feels a sudden weight on her shoulders.

Warmth.

Around her, she finds the black and white furry tendrils of his cloak draped across her shoulders. Grateful, she pulls it securely around her and breathes in his scent. Dimitri moves to her side where she murmurs him a soft thanks. He stands there with only his armour, gaze trained to the night sky.

They stay like that for a moment. Staring the stars. Bathed in moonlight.

“I came here to thank you,” he says, breaking silence.

She keeps her absent stare on a particularly bright star. “Hmm. You’re welcome.”

He snorts and laughs a little, distracting her. When she turns to him, he waves her concern away. “It’s nothing. It’s just…I wanted to explain.”

Her expression crinkles apologetically. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

Dimitri chuckles at the nostalgia. Even after all this hardship, his Professor is very much the same. She has strength in all the ways that matter, but struggles sometimes with human conversation. He finds it rather endearing, even as she considers it her weakness.

“I want…no, I need you to understand how grateful I am,” he starts finally. She listens on with silence and peers up at him thoughtfully. “You saved me from myself, pulled me from my darkness. I see now how misguided and destructive I was, even to the point of hurting you. Truly, I do not understand how you kept faith in me.”

She nods and takes in every word, wondering how long he’s been working up to say these things.

He clears his throat. “I hope you will accept my apologies. I am terribly sorry for the pain I caused. To be honest, I feel very undeserving of you.”

She shakes her head. There’s kindness in her eyes when she tells him not to dwell on such things. He doesn’t argue, having accepted internally that his Professor always has the answers. Instead, he searches her face with a heavy-set gaze. She can be troubling to read at times, and she hasn’t said a word since he started.

“How are you feeling?” he decides to ask.

A small smile tugs at her lips and her eyes are bright. “Happy.” She tips her head to him. “And you?”

He chuckles, thinking he could ramble on and on about how he feels in this moment. “I feel grateful, relieved, glad, satisfied even…and happy as well. Is that too much?”

She shakes her head and remembers his beating heart. “Not at all.”

A chilly breeze brushes past them, and she wraps his cloak even tighter. He has seen her struggling to adjust to the cooler temperatures, but the sight of her cocooned in his oversized cloak is charming. He hopes it doesn’t deter her from staying.

Impulsively, he slips an arm around her and pulls her closer to his side. His heart thunders painfully against his chest, but Byleth doesn’t pull away. She ducks her head and molds herself to him instead, and he finally sees how much she’s shivering. Just for this moment, he allows himself to nuzzle against her hair, determined to share his warmth just as she’s done for him.

When they pull away, he settles for her hand and intertwines their fingers.

“Thank you,” he says again. “For saving me, day after day.” He looks up at the stars again, a calm resolve fixed on his features. “Once the war is over, I hope you will allow me to do the same for you.”

She squeezes his hand and follows his gaze to the moonlit sky. “Okay.”

In this quiet night, where the moon is bright and the stars are gleaming, she imagines this is what the world must be like when the war is said and done. A steady breeze caressing her face. Listening to the quiet hums of nature. Watching the moon illuminate the sky. She can look up to the stars and remember the nights she spent in quiet prayer. Prayers for peace. For safety. For him to embrace light.

Tonight, she thanks her lucky stars her wish came true.

----------

Thank you for reading! Dimitri’s brokenness is so significant and essential to the Blue Lion arc that I desperately wanted to explore it. I want to thank all the lovely readers who left their thoughts and taken interest. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. – Mint

#fire emblem #Fire Emblem Three Houses #fe3h #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #byleth #dimileth #dimileth fanfic #post timeskip #angst #romance

47 notes · View notes