#the difference is that consuls are sexy and emperors are not

[catilinas]

every day i forget the order of the roman emperors

[guessmonsta]

You probably won't get to this today (for the ides of march) but what about a tsukishima scenario where him and his history nerd gf go on a date to a museum and she's super exited over the Julius Caesar exhibit and he's super excited over the dinosaurs? Overall just really cute??? Thank BB

《I absolutely had to do this for the Ides of March ‘cause I actually am treating it like a holiday. Also, it wasn’t until now did I realize that I referred to him as Kei throughout the entire thing, because in my mind I guess I’m on first name basis with him now, lol. It’s been a while since I’ve written happy Kei and? I liked it? I also learned a bunch of cool new dinosaur facts so props to that》

Tsukishima Kei didn’t quite get why his girlfriend loved the Roman emperors so much. They were all old, narcissistic sadists who, even if they did lead one of the most inarguably powerful empires in history, all seemed to have the temperamental issues of a toddler. The only emperor Kei didn’t have a problem with was Marcus Aurelius, but he was completely disregarded by her. She actually liked the sadists, the numbskulls, the men who made their race horses part of the Roman consul. She adored Caligula, Elagabalus, and this morning, when she rushed over to his house and told him that they absolutely had to go on a date to see the one day Julius Caesar exhibit at the history museum downtown, Kei couldn’t have dreaded his life more. Truth be told, he would’ve slammed the door on her face if it wasn’t for the promise that she’d take him to the dinosaur exhibit and buy him coffee later on.

Although, now that he was at the museum itself, he was glad he accepted the offer.

He had never seen her more excited in her life. The moment Kei admitted that he knew jackshit about the emperors, she practically squealed. He didn’t know why, but she flushed up almost instantaneously, bursting out into a little rant about Quintillus, or whomever. Kei didn’t quite understand why she got so happy, or how, but he did know that he absolutely loved the way she sat on the edge of the driver’s seat, clutching onto the steering wheel just a bit tighter as she got deeper into the one sided conversation, and the neverending smile that grazed upon her lips. He loved it, and if she was already this excited on the car ride there, the museum was going to be one hell of an experience. “I honestly don’t get why you’re so in love with some old, dead guy, __.” He found himself asking her once she parked in front of the museum. She gave him a soft look, the one that made his heart almost stop in his chest, her cheeks still a bit pink from her spiel, and she clicked her tongue.“I don’t get why you’re so in love with some old, dead… lizards.” “Reptiles.”“Lizards.” “Well, I guess I’m not gonna be the only one learning something new today, hm?” He smiled, hurriedly pressing a soft, chase kiss on the corner of her mouth before leaving the car, watching her giggle from the inside. She got out and immediately grabbed his hand, brushing her fingertips against his before she intertwined their fingers. “We’re gonna see Julius first, right?” She pondered. “Oh, so you’re on first name basis with Mr. Caesar now, are you?”“Well, what else am I supposed to call him? It doesn’t matter what I call him, you said it yourself, he’s just an old, dead guy.”“Oh, so you’re agreeing with me now?”She paused for a moment, her mouth agape, trying to articulate words to fire back at him. Kei stood on the steps with a victorious smirk, kneeling over to meet her at eye level. “Did I win this one?”“Uh-huh.”Kei smiled, staring back at her silently for a moment before pulling her up the steps with him. Kei had always loved this museum, a large, spacey enclosure with a replica of a Mastodon greeting its visitors at the door. A giant Newton’s Cradle display was set off to the corner, giddy children circling around it and throwing around the balls like it was a toy. There was a giant ‘marble sculpture’ of Julius Caesar by the steps, its authentic facade given away by the small code number right underneath his kneecap.“If the entire exhibit is like that, I’m going to stab myself.” She had joked, sparing it one last glance as she trailed in front of him on the stairs. “Twenty-three times?”“Too soon!”“Oh please, you set yourself up for that one.”She paused for a moment, reaching the top of the steps, then spun around. “You’re right, I did.” She giggled, grabbing his hands in hers. “I wanted to see if you’d say it or not.”Kei rolled his eyes, then willingly followed her into the exhibit nearby. She almost immediately started running her mouth, not only capturing his attention, but a group of kids nearby. He had almost laughed, she had known so much they must’ve thought she worked here, or something. She was oblivious to her little crowd, and every so often she’d look up at him, her eyes crinkled in the corners as she smiled, then continued spewing out more information than the info cards on each poster. There were moments where he had accidently zoned out, lost in the expression of her, subconsciously waving her arms around and clapping at whatever the hell it was that she found so exciting. Kei thought it was adorable, painfully so, that there were moments he had to look away or else he was sure he’d find himself in a heap on the floor. There was a moment that she had stopped, just to admire the armor they had put on display. It wasn’t Julius’, but it was someone’s, an old artifact locked up behind a glass chamber and red ropes. She looked up at it fondly, her fingers tapping mindlessly against the ropes. “You’re so adorable.” Kei caught her off guard as he whispered into her ear, amused by the small gasp she made from being startled. “I think you’re the only person in the world who could talk about a dead narcissist and still sound sexy.”She guffawed, covering her mouth and nearly doubling over. Her cheeks flushed red, suddenly, and her grip on his hand became bone crushing. “Never say that to me again, oh my god.” She managed to strangle out in between giggles. “I think we’re done here, I don’t think I ever wanna look at Julius Caesar again.”“Dinosaur time?” Kei found himself asking, even though he knew the obvious answer was ‘yes’. She nodded, and it was her turn to follow him around now, and the thought of it made him flush up a bit. He knew he was going to run his mouth, the event was inevitable, and part of him really wished the dinosaur exhibit was closed so he didn’t have to. He wasn’t as comfortable with speaking as she was, the thought of dragging in a small crowd of children like she did set off an anxiety alarm in his head and oh god, his skin was crawling. Although, by the time he reached the exhibit, and there was a small velociraptor to greet him, the anxiety alarm was dismantled, and the useless trivia trigger was set off. “You know real velociraptors were about the size of a turkey, so this whole model is completely inaccurate?” He began. He felt a bit insecure about all of this, for some odd reason, and when he looked back at her to see her nodding at him with a small smile of reassurance, he felt safe. He sighed and continued, pointing out his favorite dinosaurs and spewing the weirdest facts about each to the point where he actually surprised himself a bit. “Hey, Kei, are those the Brachiosaurus’?” “The one on the left is, good girl.” He found himself saying, not even bothering to correct himself with the ‘good girl’ comment, and continuing. “The other one is an Apatosaurus, you can tell the difference, ‘cause Brachiosaurus has longer front legs, see? They belong to the order sauropoda, which were the largest land animals to ever roam earth, so obviously these models aren’t to scale…” He found himself rambling on again, interrupted by her sudden giggling. “What?” He asked, suddenly growing self conscious. This is what he feared, coming off as too annoying, talking too much, but then she leaned up on her tiptoes and gave him a deep kiss on the lips, the anxiety of that melted away, and a whole new fear creeped up on him. Although the dinosaur exhibit was clear, most of the museums visitors flocked in the main attraction for the day, he still could help but flush at the fear of being caught. “You think I’m cute when I talk?” She muttered through the kiss, “God, you’re the cutest thing ever. I could listen to you talk about dead lizards all day if you let me.”“Why’d you cut me off, then?”“‘Cause I wanted to tell you that you looked like the Brachiosaurus up there.” Kei snorted, eyeing the model quickly before looking back at her. “Really now? Is that what this is all about?”She nodded, then pointed at the small, prehistoric bird that was propped beside its leg.“And that’s me, clinging to you like the small, desperate animal I am.” “Oh, that’s a Merriam’s Teratorn. Its pretty much the prehistoric equivalent to your modern day vulture. They were pretty badass, so relating to one isn’t that big of a tragedy.”“Oh my god, is there anything you don’t know, you nerd?” She said fondly, still propped up on her tiptoes as she ran her hands through his hair. He only smirked in reply, looking around the room for people before quickly pecking her lips. “You should give me twenty two more of those.” She hummed.“Why?” “For the Ides of March.”“Please.” He rolled his eyes, letting her slip down from his arms suddenly. “You’re treating this like it’s an actual holiday.”“You treated the announcement of “Jurassic World Two” like a holiday, so let me live.” She shrugged. Kei shrugged, muttering a quick, ‘fair point’, before grabbing her hand and pulling her along again. “You know I love you, right?” He said suddenly, in the middle of admiring a Dilophosaurus pelvis, the most unromantic setting for him to say such a thing. “Really, I didn’t know that.” She said with sarcasm.“Oh, quit it. I’m trying to be cute here.”“While looking at the reproductive tract of a dead lizard?” Kei huffed, looking down at her from the corner of his eye. “Yeah.”“I’ll take it. I’d rather it be that than Julius’ stab wounds.”

[eternityendures-archive]

on faithfulness in livia and augustus’s marriage

“...at once took Livia Drusilla from her husband Tiberius Nero, although she was with child at the time; and he loved and esteemed her to the end without a rival.” --Suetonius, Life of Augustus  

Okay okay okay--so this meta isn’t exactly about a muse I write on this bog. However, it’s extremely important to me that I write about it, so I’m about to settle down and tell you about how Augustus isn’t unfaithful to Livia. 

( For those of you not as familiar with Roman history, I will switch back and for between ‘Augustus’ and Octavian; they are the same man, at different times in his life. The distinction is unimportant to understanding the purpose of this essay. )

Further, Suetonius is not always the most reliable; he certainly isn’t shy with sharing rumors. However, he is one of the best accounts that we have sharing Augustus’s character directly, rather than through anecdotes, so I’m going to quote him on that. I will also quote some of the rumors he has shared. 

Something else I do want to mention before I really get into this is that most historians tend not to deconstruct these rumors in the same way they do others. I’ve read one biography of Augustus, one of Livia, and skimmed part of another biography I bought about Augustus just today--none of these give these rumors the full treatment I think they deserve. 

There are some important questions I believe we should consider when looking at rumors in this time, and certainly questions that often get asked of other rumors. What could someone gain by spreading these rumors/what could the intended purpose be for these rumors? What is the context? What is the character and history of this person? Overall, do we have any proof that these rumors are true? 

I aim to deconstruct these rumors in this manner and come to the conclusion stated above. 

What are the rumors themselves? 

First, that Augustus was prone to infidelity, although some would claim only in order to gain information from enemies. As Suetonius charges: “That he was given to adultery not even his friends deny, although it is true that they excuse it as committed not from passion but from policy, the more readily to get track of his adversaries' designs through the women of their households.”

However, immediately after making such a claim, all of his immediate rumors come from Mark Antony; Octavian’s rival for power. 

“Mark Antony charged him, besides his hasty marriage with Livia, with taking the wife of an ex-consul from her husband's dining-room before his very eyes into a bed-chamber, and bringing her back to the table with her hair in disorder and her ears glowing; that Scribonia was divorced because she expressed her resentment too freely at the excessive influence of a rival1; that his friends acted as his panders, and stripped and inspected matrons and well-grown girls, as if Toranius the slave-dealer were putting them up for sale. 

“Antony also writes to Augustus himself in the following familiar terms, when he had not yet wholly broken with him privately or publicly: "What has made such a change in you? Because I lie with the queen? She is my wife. Am I just beginning this, or was it nine years ago? What then of you — do you lie only with Drusilla? Good luck to you if when you read this letter you have not been with Tertulla or Terentilla or Rufilla or Salvia Titisenia, or all of them. Does it matter where or with whom you take your pleasure?"

And the context for these claims? 

Claims made by Antony, whom, I will repeat again, was Octavian’s rival, although not always one that was named, are hardly able to be trusted. Suetonius, by ascribing them to Antony, is admitting that they are just that: rumors. 

Octavian, at the time of the quoted letter, had launched a propaganda war against Antony for his connection with Cleopatra. Much of this propaganda was about Antony’s rejection of his sister, Octavia, as his wife, and his assumption of Cleopatra as a partner instead. In short, a lot of it attacked his relationship with a foreign woman, and used his sexuality as a weapon against him. 

Antony’s letter is a retaliation of the same manner; made public and assuming a personal tone, he name-checks specific women in an attempt to make himself seem knowledgeable of Octavian’s personal affairs, although the two were hardly friends enough for Antony to know such information first-hand. 

His hasty marriage to Livia will be explained later and in more detail, and his other claims are so outright ridiculous as to be easily dismissed as an attempt to discredit his rival. 

The first claim, giving no names and claiming only that his friends did not deny that he was unfaithful, but only with political adversaries, does not have much weight. Plus, it’s Suetonius. 

And the character of Octavian?

What we know about Augustus from accounts of his character and life is that he was not hypocritical. He publicly condoned fidelity, and when his daughter was caught being unfaithful to her husband, he punished her with banishment. 

Suetonius writes that “After Julia was banished, he denied her the use of wine and every form of luxury, and would not allow any man, bond or free, to come near her without his permission, and then not without being informed of his stature, complexion, and even of any marks or scars upon his body. It was not until five years later that he moved her from the island to the mainland and treated her with somewhat less rigour.”

There is a cultural precedent for infidelity, but that does not mean that we can confer upon Augustus these traits. His marriage with Livia, including the circumstances at the beginning, indicates a deep devotion, affection, and love. 

First, we have their hasty marriage. Whether or not they were together before their divorces, we know that the marriage caused more than a little political scandal. Enough, at the least, for Antony to mention it when attempting to smear Octavian politically. 

They met while both married to other people, while Livia and Scribonia were both pregnant, and when Scribonia gave birth, Octavian divorced her. He also had Livia’s husband, a man 27 years her senior and her cousin, divorce her ( and he did readily ) so they could become betrothed. He received special permission to marry her while pregnant with another man’s child and before the traditional waiting period between divorce and remarriage. They married three days after she gave birth to her second child by her first husband, who gave her away at the wedding.

As stated in Augustus: First Emperor of Rome, written by Adrian Goldsworthy, “Her aristocratic background and connections were valuable politically, but this was a long term advantage and there was no immediate political gain sufficient to justify the scandal of the bizarre episode that followed...[Octavian] was still just twenty-four and Livia not yet twenty.” (pg. 163)

When they were apart, they wrote letters to one another. Augustus addressed her as ‘my dear Livia,’ and the letters show a mutual respect and fondness for one another. As is later shown in her referencing these letters in a conversation with her son, Tiberius, after Augustus’ death, she kept these letters well after he had gone. 

She also accompanied him on military excursions ( uncommon for Roman wives ), was among his advisors, and controlled her own finances. They made multiple public displays of affection such as the erection and dedication of buildings and statues; statues of Livia, a temple to Concordia dedicated by Livia in honor of their marriage, and a portico named after Livia. 

Frankly, he is also noted at having to arrive at his own parties late and leave early for lack of time. It is likely that there were times he did not have the time to be intimate with his own wife, let alone find others with which to dally. 

Despite having aims to begin an Empire, and needing an heir to succeed him, Augustus and Livia never divorced, though their marriage was childless. Divorcing a woman because she was not providing an heir was not uncommon, as we later see the emperor Caligula do just that ( and even going so far as to wait until a woman has provided him an heir to marry her ). Their marriage lasted 51 years, and that is perhaps the best evidence towards a love between them. 

When Augustus died, he did so in her arms, kissing her and muttering these words:  "Live mindful of our wedlock, Livia, and farewell.”

And what is the purpose of such rumors? 

Rumors such as these would have an obvious goal in the eyes of political opposites; they make him look hypocritical. This is a man who is publicly upholding moral reforms, who is publicly against infidelity. To spread rumors that he himself is unable to remain faithful is to unsettle his basis for these moral reforms. 

Sexual rumors were made about Julius Caesar, his adoptive father and great uncle, as well as his contemporary, Marcus Antonius. It is clear that rumors along these lines were not out of the ordinary, and were quite on par with now public figures of power were talked about at the time. 

Frankly, the combination of shady sources for the rumors, our knowledge of both Augustus’s marriage and his character, and the context of the rumors indicate a man who was nothing but faithful to his wife. 

Do we have any proof?

No. The only source we have who is named is Mark Antony--a rival for power. All other stories are anecdotal; that the senate teased him about being unfaithful, that he had his wife bring him virgins to deflower, that he slept with his enemies wives to gain information. 

The only of these stories I believe may have some truth behind it is that the senate truly did attempt to call him out for supposed indiscretions; but the senate was comprised of the aristocracy, who were not above gossip themselves. They were not his friends--though they pretended to be--and they had no access to his personal life. 

In addition: none of these supposed mistresses ever came to light. No sexy letters were misplaced. No bastards were born and claimed as his. Even Julius Caesar had a scandalous incident involving a mistress--it could not have gone unnoticed. But instead, all we have are rumors. 

As Suetonius himself said:  he loved and esteemed her to the end without a rival.

1. This rival mentioned previously may actually have also been his third and final wife, Livia Drusilla, although history does not entirely make clear whether or not they were involved prior to being each divorced from their respective spouses. The influence she would have complained of in this instance would be political influence over Octavian, as many people would continue to complain of Livia for the rest of her life. If Octavian was indeed unfaithful to Scribonia in this case, it does not necessarily indicate habitual infidelity. In part because this particular ( possible ) mistress went on to be his wife for 51 years, and his marriage to Scribonia was entirely political. A lot of what we know about his marriage to Livia shows love where there was none in his second marriage, and certainly none in his first.