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whatudowhennooneseesyou · 24 days ago

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Hi! I was wondering if you could possibly do Park Seonghwa as your late bloomer bf please?

𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐰𝐚

Disclaimer: This analysis is based on traditional astrology and therefore unconfirmed, think about it, write about it, be delulu but don't take it seriously. Does contain smut so 18+

Word Count: 1.7 K

It's also probably different than what you were expecting so DON'T come for me, this is just my opinion!!!

This is painful for me to write as Seonghwa is in my bias line but I gotta keep it real here, no putting idols on a pedestal on this blog.

This analysis is more difficult for me to write than the others b/c Seonghwa's natal chart reveals he has a rather *complicated* experience and view of romantic relationships.

His Cancer Moon/Aquarius Venus/Aries Mars/5th House Scorpio all have polarising values which clash against each other and can lead to Seonghwa being quite *messy* in relationships b/c his sexual and physical needs are very different to his emotional and romantic needs.

He has a high drive and can happily have copious amounts of sex with random people b/c he has the ability to detach emotionally and focus on the physical/biological pleasure of it.

That's why out of all the members, he is (imo) the biggest fuckboi in the group b/c he can participate in hook-up culture and be content with it, he might even prefer it if he's going through a bad stage in his life as he does lean on sex as a coping mechanism with his 8th House Venus.

BUT!!!

The constant hook-ups and meaningless sex doesn't satisfy him for long b/c it's not nurturing the emotional/romantic needs of his Cancer Moon/8th House Venus who does yearn for a exclusive, soul-tethering relationship. He wants a partner to give him the same level of love and care he gives to everyone else.

I think it's likely because he's a guy in his 20s that he goes through the painful cycle of abstaining whilst he waits for 'the one', becoming impatient, horny and lonely, pursues casual hook-ups and is happy for awhile, then leaves feeling empty and hollow, goes back to abstaining and then it repeats all over again.

If you are a late bloomer and are happy for Seonghwa to be your first 'serious' boyfriend, you'll have to accept that he:

a) Has A LOT (probably higher than average) of experience AND with many people and is knowing that about him going to affect your self-esteem? (particularly, your self-esteem and confidence during sex and physical intimacy)

b) Has a lot of emotional baggage from his past experiences that could be overwhelming to witness and handle b/c you're navigating your first serious relationship which is already a lot to experience emotionally.

Now, moving on a more positive level. Seonghwa has an Aquarius Venus which embodies the 'friends to lovers' trope for their love life so for Seonghwa to desire a romantic attraction towards you, you probably have been friends with him for a LONG time and he feels safe enough in revealing his feelings and background to you before he even contemplates looking for more.

This makes the relationship begin more smoothly b/c ideally, you would have told him you are a late bloomer before you become a couple and he would accept it, even be proud that he's your first boyfriend b/c it's something that ties him to you.

Even if the relationship ends, he will be in your heart permanently b/c he's your first and that gets his heart soaring, his eyes glistening, maybe even slightly turned on b/c it means he's claimed a piece of you in some way.

Yes, he's an Aquarius Venus but it is in the 8th House nonetheless so there's a strong Pluto influence in the way he loves and desires you.

He is an Aries stellium so he does bottle up all of his emotions and I feel he'd pine for awhile before he makes a decision, weighing up between whether sabotaging the friendship is worth it for something more.

I'll be honest and say the 'fwb to exclusive' pipeline is very Seonghwa coded in my mind, if I wasn't trying to be romantic here I'd say if you revealed you were a virgin to Seonghwa, he'd offer to be your first and give you the safest, most caring experience of your life and then you'd regularly have sex so he can 'teach and show you' the dynamics of it and then you both get too emotionally invested and end up together (very much like my Arrangement fic, *wink wink*).

And I say this b/c of his 5th House in Scorpio which means sexual compatibility is VERY important for him in a long-term relationship, it's the final seal before he chooses to be exclusive and monogamous to you.

But back to being romantic, he has a Cancer Moon which gives him and incredible amount of empathy and care and so I imagine him not being formal or official when he asks you out but revealing his feelings impulsively if you emotionally trigger him somehow.

For example, you were hanging out with him and you were crying or expressing your insecurities about never experiencing love, saying something like 'I just don't know if anyone will ever love me' or 'I don't think i'll ever experience that type of love, it's just not in the cards for me' etc.

I can totally imagine him being close to you with his soft, expressive eyes, clutching your hands and responding with something like 'That's not true, I'm done with hiding, I can give you this, I don't care what happens, I want to give you this'.

Not much would change once it's official, there would still be that element of friendship with Seonghwa taking you out on regular dates such as the movies, outdoors, anything involving food and of course, playing Lego.

But the tiniest seeds of intimacy would begin to grow, quality time is a strong love language for Seonghwa so he would build up the intimacy by being subtle at first, sitting knee to knee instead of separate, hand on your back as he passes you, lingering touches as he finishes hugging you- all those small but personal touches to let you know there is more between you now, that you are not 'just friends' anymore.

A huge challenge for Seonghwa would be taking it slow, waiting and holding back in terms of sex and physical intimacy b/c he's impatient and chooses to deep-dive (haha, get it?) into all of his relationships.

His flow and pacing with you could be back and forth b/c men with Aries Mars in general are not known to be gentle lovers, they prefer it fast and rough BUT he is lunar-ruled so your emotions and well-being will come first with Seonghwa and an example of this manifesting is like...

You're in his bed, making out and Seonghwa starts out gentle with light kisses and soft hands down your sides but as time goes by, he becomes more worked up, his mouth speeding up in a way that leaves you breathless and his fingers instinctively grip against your skin which causes you to wince, which checks him back to reality so he murmurs a quiet 'sorry' before slowing down and kissing you softly again.

Whilst I do believe Seonghwa would prefer experienced and 'sensual' partners, there is one type of 'inexperienced' partner he would LOVE being with and that's-

Inexperienced. Open-minded. Eager to please.

Aries in general (ie me) but ppl with Aries Mars particularly get off on BEING desired, Seonghwa has to feel like you desire him as much as he does you, that you can feel it in the tips of your fingers and all the way down to your toes, that it warms your cheeks, turns you inside out and breathless for him.

And with his Cancer Moon, it would get him hard, needy and downright BAD for you if you were inexperienced and eager to please but also slightly helpless.

Seonghwa may be a switch but he is VERY dom-leaning, like prefers to be in control 90% of the time for he is a perfectionist.

(which is why it irritates me that bottom!seonghwa is the most popular tag on matz fanfics b/c it would be the other way around, hj is way more switch-oriented than seonghwa is- you seen hj around seonghwa? man folds like laundry)

Imagine Seonghwa helping put your shoe on after a quiet dinner date and it's late at night and few people around, he's a legs (and boobs) man so the act itself is making his head fuzzy and pants tight as he stands back up and pulls you into a random alleyway, pushes you against the wall and kisses you feverishly, grinding against you.

He pulls away and stares down at you, lips slightly bruised and eyes blown out with desire, you're pulling him in and running your hands down your chest, Seonghwa knows you want this but he can see the slight trepidation in your movements, a tiniest hint of hesitation and unsurety b/c it's your first time making out spontaneously in a public place (Seonghwa is a bit of exhibitionist) and you want this but are unsure of HOW to move forward and it stroke's Seonghwa in all the right places.

It strokes Seonghwa emotionally in his need to protect and shield you but also strokes him carnally in his need to claim and corrupt you.

'Oh precious, look at you, you're becoming so naughty for me now aren't you? Don't worry, I'll cover you so no one can see us, just want to make you feel good'

And finally, I feel like having Seonghwa as your first serious boyfriend would help you grow more confident in expressing your boundaries and needs. Seonghwa is emotionally sensitive and he does require a lot of reassurance and validation, even moreso b/c being your first is just as nerve-wracking for him as it is for you.

I think if Seonghwa got carried away during sex and he got too rough and afterwards you were crying and he thought you were in pain and you didn't reassure him that you were okay, he would help settle you down and then lock himself in the bathroom and bawl his eyes out from how guilty he'd feel over hurting you- even accidentally.

So while I don't think Seonghwa is the best preference for a late bloomer boyfriend, I think the relationship he would give you would be a self-empowering one, I feel his love would help you embrace and love yourself more.

Which is accurate b/c Seonghwa always mentions how much he wants his 'little stars' to embrace and love themselves.

Taglist: @scuzmunkie @marievllr-abg @umbralhelf @starsareseen @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @mrcarrots @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @whatsk-poppinhomies @craxy-person @hologramhoneymoon @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybpack @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @berryberrytan @sensitiveandhungry @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx @i-love-ateez @anyamaris @krishastumblernow @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @northerngalxy @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell @starillusion13 @justaaveragereader @jus2passtime @shroomoth @marykpoppins @leomggg @daddysspecialdollyworld @mykryptonitelight @wisejudgedragonhairdo @sanakimohara @chansfavouritetoy

This took me three hours to write so pls reblog, comment and send me your thoughts! I'm very curious b/c I know this is probably not the standard opinion most were expecting (Seonghwa does hide a lot).

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metalsiren-a · 2 years ago

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𝗨𝗦𝗙𝗪 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗢𝗪 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗨𝗧. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴇxᴘʟɪᴄɪᴛ. ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴄᴀᴜᴛɪᴏɴ.

overall dynamic: switch // 75% submissive, 25% dominant

submissive sub-tybe: service sub/ obedient sub

as a service sub, sawyer often likes to be told what to do and does so without question or retaliation. the need to be dominated comes from the desire to let go, to forget herself and her responsibilities for a bit. being able to be in a submissive position allows her to live in the moment, rather than worry about the past/ future, which is something she struggles with unles she's intoxicated. often times, sawyer makes a lot of decisions for herself and the band, which takes up a lot of mental bandwidth; thus, when she's with her partner(s), she likes to be able to just let them take the reigns and make those decisions/ dictate what they're going to do. that doesn't mean she doesn't have a bit of a bratty streak every once in a while, where there's a very real desire to be defiant and put in her place; but, mostly she finds a sense of fulfillment in being obedient ( as it allows her to hear more praise ).

something to note is that sawyer takes a more submissive role more often when she's with male/ masc-presenting partners, partially due to the fact that she's attracted to more hyper-masculine/ dominant men/ masc-presenting people a lot of the time.

dominant sub-type: soft dom/ service dom

similar to how her type of submissiveness is, sawyer is a soft dominant. she's gentle and patient with her partners, showing her dominance in the way of care and focus on their pleasure. she's also hyper-aware of her partner's needs; if she noticies that they need to take a break from being in charge, sawyer will step in and take over for as long as they need it. with that said, sawyer can be in a relationship where there is never a need for her to be dominant, but she will always need to be in a relationship where she can be submissive.

kinks + preferences: praise kink, breeding kink, edging, overstimultation, rope play, bondage, choking, spanking, squirting, hair-pulling, pegging, dirty talk/ vocalizations, marking, anal, mild free-use

𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦:

001. let sawyer peg your male/ amab muse. that's it. that's the tweet.

002. throughout her time in new york, sawyer frequents many sex/ fetish clubs and has even hosted at some in the past. if she ends up in a relationship she no longer goes to them unless her partner is also interested in that type of lifestyle. this is because sawyer uses sex as a suppliment for love and affection, which means she no longer feels the need to be a part of that scene once she's found someone who can provide that for her.

003. sawyer is fairly experienced in general when it comes to sex. she uses the famous words of samantha jones and calls herself a try-sexual; she'll try anything once. this means that she's done pretty much anything and everything you can think of, including participating in orgies. people often think she's not as much of a freak as she is due to her bubbly and somewhat wholesome personality.

004. if your muse says their dick is too big to deep-throat, sawyer takes that as a personal challenge.

005. jumping off of that, she has an oral fixation. for some reason, it allows her to relax and have her mind go numb for a while; so, whether it be your muse's fingers or dick, if you put it/ them in her mouth that'll settle her right down.

006. having a mild free-use kink, there are often times where sawyer will find comfort in sexual acts while doing mundane things. whether that be just playing with each other while watching tv without the desire to go further or having her partner fuck her while reading a book, she loves that type of physical intimacy.

007. sawyer loves toys! she loves incorperating them into all aspects of pleasure, whether it be foreplay or the actual event. it's actually somewhat of a red flag to her if her partner doesn't like using toys or refuses to use them because sawyer doesn't view them as competition, but more like a partner-in-pleasure. she uses them on her partners in tandem with her own skills frequently and loves having them used on her in return. sure there are times where it's nice for it to just be all analog, especially for certain more intimate moments, but toys are a staple in her arsenal.

008. she's got vibrators, to dildos, to lush vibes, to strap-ons, to bad dragons, to plugs; anything and everything to explore and enhance the experience for herself and her partners. in all honesty, she can't choose a favourite, but if we are to go off of what she takes on tour with her, she packs a lush vibe and a dildo.

009. seeing as sawyer can be a vain lil bitch, she loves when her partners ask for pictures or what her to record videos for them ( these don't have to be sexual in nature but considering the post . . . yknow ). she especially likes recording videos because it gives her something to watch while on tour. 🤪 this also goes for recieving pictures and videos; sawyer loves 'em, keep 'em comin'.

010. on the subject of film, sawyer is also completely pro-sex work and will always support people who participate in that choice of career. this is especially so for those on OF, and sawyer has thought of possibly making one herself ( wishlist plot, anyone? ).

011. sawyer has both of her nipples pierced as well as her clit. yes, they offer more stimulation. yes, she wants her partner(s) to play with them.

012. though it isn't often, sawyer does have the capability to be polyamourous. however, there needs to be plenty of trust and tonnes of communication, should a polycule happen. she's also capable of open relationship so long as it's clear that when her and her partner are together in a place, they are together, capiche?

013. since sawyer can be extremely possessive when she wants to be, public displays of affection will be a constant from her partner. whether it be touching or kissing, she has little shame. this also can bleed into fucking, as sawyer isn't above a little bit of public sex if there's a low probability of getting caught or the environment allows for it to be more appropriate.

014. sawyer loves giving oral. whether it be pussy or dick, she doesn't care. she loves being able to taste her partner and will be down there for a long as while just to make sure her partner gets off.

015. mark her. bite her. leave hickies. bruises made in pleasure. leave reminders that she belongs to someone. she loves it all.

016. petnames are the way to her heart. call her pretty names like babe, baby prettygirl, princess, kitten, etc. and she'll give you some in return. some in english, some in french. also, she's not above calling her partner daddy/ sir/ mistress/ master/ madame, etc...

017. sawyer needs her partners to be vocal in bed. not just with dirty talk, but with moans, groans, mewls, whines, whimpers!!! she wants it all or else she doesn't know if her partner feels good and gets too in her head about everything.

#° 𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 ; ✞ usfw.#° 𝔡𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔩𝔬𝔭𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱 ; ✞ headcanon.#i hope y'all are okay with reading a NOVEL!!!#tw free use #tw usfw #tw praise kink #tw kinks

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l-capitan · 6 months ago

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𝟎𝟐. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 ! &&& 𝟎𝟓. 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒 !

because CURIOUS

prompt

𝟎𝟐. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 !

( 𝗌𝗒𝗆𝖻𝗈𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝗌 : unconsciousness, emotions, instincts, habits, moods. )

Capitano is not an emotional person—not in the conventional sense. He still feels emotions, he still experiences them! He’s not heartless. In fact, I think his heart is actually massive. However, he’s learned that allowing his emotions to make decisions for him causes more grief than not and has forced himself to focus on instinct and logic rather than feelings. He’s not one who easily shows what he’s feeling whenever he isn’t being stoic, but sometimes it’s a little obvious in the way he seems to relax whenever he cooks or bakes, or when he tends to his plants. At times, he may even get a little huffy towards certain people, because he’s not really sure how to behave around them when they grate him—but not in a bad way. It just confuses him.

𝟎𝟓. 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒 !

( 𝗌𝗒𝗆𝖻𝗈𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝗌 : aggression, sex, action, desire, competition, courage, passion. )

Oh, Capitano’s very subtle when it comes to things he desires. He doesn’t know how to navigate expressing his wants at all, he prefers to just leave them be and will them away. He’s passionate about his virtues and morals, however, but he doesn’t really get aggressive about them. Not unless his opponent is inherently evil, as he abhors everything corrupted and wicked. He isn’t really a competitive person, as he’s never had to compete before. Even in Natlan, he finds no drive for competition. As for his sexual energy—Capitano is by no means a sexual person. He has had sex, he does feel arousal, is also capable of romantic feelings, but it is not a priority of his by any stretch of the word. When it comes to intimacy, he only feels sexual attraction to those he has a personal connection to—a romantic one. However, he is a 500+ year old man surrounded by mortals that cannot live as long as him, and so he’s rather apprehensive about romance and has rarely ever felt it in his life.

#(ooc. ⛓)#(headcanons. ⛓)#(answered ask. ⛓)#grimulf of the wilderness #THANK UUUU!!!! :3 #suggestive #just in case #also i will respond to our rp soon uwu my focus has just been spread thin:tm:

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ahi-django · 2 years ago

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Monkey D. Luffy is aro-ace

It is currently June, which means it is pride month once again.

I have thought about it for a while as to what I could contribute to the spirits of the queer! So let's talk about our favourite ray of sunshine, better known as the MC of One Piece, Monkey D. Luffy.

Now before we continue, I would like to point out that this comment is purely based on speculations, supported by what the anime/manga has shown us in the past as well as Oda's point of view in past interviews he took part in. I am absolutely not caught up with the series yet, but the first 445 episodes more often than not have left rather clear signs regarding Luffy's orientation. Now let us begin.

To understand why many people such as myself see Luffy as aromantic-asexual, let us first break down what it means to identify as such:

Asexuality refers to limited sexual attraction or a lack thereof towards another person.

Aromanticism refers to a limited romantic attraction or a lack thereof towards another person.

Bear in mind that every asexual and aromantic person is individual as both umbrella terms have a wide spectrum. This means that both orientations do not have to go hand in hand, nor does it mean that people who identify as either or both are broken, weird or incapable of human emotions.

Additionally, some asexual people may still have sex in a romantic relationship, others may not. The same works for aromantic people who still might go into a romantic relationship, while others might not. I recommend watching this video (And the following videos of the trilogy, which are pinned in the info box in their video), it will explain the spectrums a little more thoroughly.

youtube

Now that we have established what it means to be aromantic-asexual, let us move on to Luffy. The debate about whether or not he is straight or not has been going on for years by now, and nobody can really decide where to place him exactly. We have seen in many other anime how romance has become a plot point for the MC eventually, yet for Luffy, this will never happen.

Oda has said on numerous occasions that he does not plan to focus on a possible romantic interest for the Strawhat captain, but instead simply wants to keep the plot straightforward with action and a story that goes in-depth with the lore of the world we call One Piece.

Thanks to multiple scenes within the pre-timeskip, we have learned a lot about Luffy as a character. We got to know him as a cheerful and selfish-selfless character, who doesn't take shit from nobody and will fight everyone who hurt his nakama. While he is not very intelligent overall, he possesses a high emotional intelligence and has the ability to read people in a way most cannot.

He is also very hyperactive, loud and sometimes very impulsive when making decisions. It is safe to say that if he ever got diagnosed, he would have ADHD (I mean, just look at him. You cannot tell me that he would not be neurodivergent of any kind).

Luffy has had the dream to become the King of Pirates ever since he was a child. From when he starts his journey to find the One Piece, he has shown time and time again that he displays his priorities openly for everyone to see. He says what he thinks and is not afraid to do so. Fun activities for him are either fighting or just goofing around with his friends. Also food. He loves food, especially meat. This man has his priorities, alright.

But that's also why people often think that Luffy simply focuses on these priorities, and once he has found the One Piece, he will get married to Boa Hancock. Then again, we know that Luffy is not interested in Hancock romantically.

We see Hancock first hugging Luffy, then her fawning over him, while his expression stays indifferent to this action. And this is only one of the many examples.

As we all remember very well, Luffy showed no reaction when Hancock used her devil fruit abilities on him. Said abilities allow "a range of attacks which use emotions of love, lust or adoration to transform opponents into stone." (https://onepiece.fandom.com/wiki/Mero_Mero_no_Mi)

Those abilities have been showcased when Hancock first refused to partake in the upcoming war against Whitebeard and turned all marine's on the Navy ship to stone. Oddly enough, when she used the "Love-Love Mellow" on Luffy, he came out of it completely unaffected. Not to mention that he saw Boa's naked body and had no reaction to it either.

The Strawhat's behaviour had confused many viewers, when he showed a reaction to Nami's body being exposed twice, and this is what Oda said about it in a Q&A:

"He's interested, but he's not entranced by her."

People can be interested in other people without the sexual or romantic attraction coming in. Hell, people usually find people interesting due to their personalities and want to get to know each other out of platonic interest! Or it's the style they wear, which would fall under the 'aesthetic attraction' department.

In other words: Just because you are interested in someone, doesn't automatically mean you want to fuck or date them.

"But when he's with Usopp, who's the same age, it's like a kid on a school trip: His bad side comes out! Yeah, both sides of Luffy feel right to me, so the culprit is definitely Usopp!"

Usopp and Luffy are almost always together in several shenanigans. Usopp usually serves as comical relief and likes to form the comedic trio together with the captain and the ship's doctor Chopper. Hence the description of Luffy as a 'kid on a school trip'. He copies the sniper's behaviour in both instances where Nami's body is exposed to them, that's it. There is nothing more to it.

I would like to add one more thing: Love comes in all shapes and sizes. I've been picking up comments on various platforms that Luffy is 'too naive' when it comes to love. That may be true to an extent, but that doesn't mean he is incapable of it. Romantic and sexual attraction are off the table, but he does know the concept of love. Just in a platonic way. He loves his crew and he loves his brothers, even though they are not blood-related.

This is where the concept of 'found family' comes into play, and it is true for both Luffy's brothers and the crew. To the Strawhat, they are all family. And that is perfectly alright. Getting married and placing kids in this world does not have to be the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal can be anything, as long as it makes the individual happy.

In conclusion, Luffy can be considered as aro-ace, but we will never know for sure whether or not this will be canon. Oda had never confirmed or denied his orientation, which leaves it up for interpretation. For some people, Luffy will be considered straight, for others not. And that's okay. As long as we can discuss this civilly, no harm will come out of it.

With this said, I will end this post here. I hope you have a great day!

#Youtube #one piece #luffy headcanons #mugiwara no luffy #monkey d. luffy #asexual #aromantic #ace pride #aro pride #aro/ace #pride month

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oraclekleo · 2 years ago

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Xiaojun (WayV) Kinky Tarot Reading

Disclaimer:

All celebrity readings have purely entertainment nature

I don’t know any of the celebrities personally

Don’t base life decisions purely on tarot readings

I can never guarantee any of what’s said in the reading

Feedback: Feedback is very important for content creators and for me it’s even more important. Please, let me know whether the tarot readings resonate. If there’s anything you dislike or find off about my readings (like wording, topics, focus), just tell me. I don’t want you to write 1000-word feedback, very simple comments will do for me to stay motivated. I don’t know why I have to keep repeating this but this is something I do for you, guys, and when I don’t feel motivated to do tarot readings, I have many other things to do. The more motivation I get, the more readings you will get to read. The logic is very simple but it’s two sided.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Requester: /

Deck(s): The Ancient Egyptian Tarot, Sexual Magic Oracle

Spread: Kinky

Questions:

Position

Libido

Turn On

Kink

Dirty Secret

Celebrity Info:

Full Name: Dejun Xiao

Stage Name: Xiaojun

Group: WayV

DOB: 08.08.1999

Blood Type: A

MBTI: ENFP

Sun Sign: Leo

Chinese Sign: Earth Rabbit

Life Path Number: 8

Masterpost: NCT (All sub-units)

Xiaojun (WayV) - Kinky

Full Name: Dejun Xiao Stage Name: Xiaojun Group: WayV DOB: 08.08.1999 Blood Type: A MBTI: ENFP Sun Sign: Leo Chinese Sign: Earth Rabbit Life Path Number: 8

Spread / Question: Kinky Deck(s): The Ancient Egyptian Tarot, Sexual Magic Oracle

Position - XIV Temperance

Xiaojun is no dom for sure. He’s more on the romantic and equal side of the spectrum when it comes to his lover. He’s well-balanced, not too obsessive about his lover, not indifferent towards them. He takes the golden middle route and usually has excellent communication with his partner. Xiojun truly speaks openly but with kindness and tact and it makes him nearly a perfect boyfriend as he’s caring but not jealous, he’s loving but not possessive. The major arcana card here suggests he’s pretty mature for his age when it comes to relationships, despite the fact he might not have been through that many yet. His soul is still more or less pure.

Libido - King of Disks, 24. Healing

While dating Xiaojun is really romantic and sweet, he’s also a man in his prime and his libido is quite strong. I’m sensing it probably wasn’t so in the past, maybe there were times Xiaojun was insecure about the sexual aspect of relationships or maybe he struggled determining his own taste. That was in the past though and now Xiaojun is really confident when it comes to his desires and needs. He might not show his passion so much openly in front of others but he’s a rather goal driven lover. He conquers his partner in bed or any place suited. He’s likely to take a dominant role in sex and he likes to be praised in bed. He’s still pretty romantic and courting is often a sort of a foreplay for Xiaojun. He truly knows how to properly seduce his lover, leaving them breathless.

Turn On - 3 of Cups

Xiaojun is likely to feel attracted to someone merry and bright, someone with spark in their eyes and with a lively step. The three of cups might suggest a friends-with-benefits type of relationship or even a poly relationship. I mentioned before that Xiaojun doesn’t really get jealous or possessive so this type of romance might seem attractive to him.

Kink - Queen of Swords, 29. Wrath

Lol! While Xiaojun himself isn’t jealous or possessive, he might actually find it arousing when his lovers fight for him. I must admit I have never received such a message from the cards before but yeah… Xiaojun truly might encourage or provoke his lovers to just get naked and compete to get him. What a prick! Lol. I mean it in a good way. Other than being the sweet prize for his lovers, Xiaojun might find it truly hot for his lover(s) to be able to discuss with him and show their brains, too. His lover picking up on fight with him just to create the tension and then them both finding a release through sex is likely also one of Xiaojun’s favourite fantasies.

Dirty Secret - King of Cups, 23. Forgiveness

While Xiaojun can play wild, he’s a total romantic and softie at heart. He’s likely to put his lover(s) on a pedestal and worship them and love them. He takes them as they are, with all their flaws and mistakes they did in the past. Xiaojun is not really judgy and he doesn’t hold grudges. He can forgive a lot of mistakes his partner might make and he’s always open to discuss any issues and hear their opinions or possible complaints.

Thank you for reading!

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metalsiren · 10 months ago

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overall dynamic: switch // 75% submissive, 25% dominant

submissive sub-tybe: service sub/ obedient sub

dominant sub-type: soft dom/ service dom

similar to how her type of submissiveness is, sawyer is a soft dominant. she's gentle and patient with her partners, showing her dominance in the way of care and focus on their pleasure. she's also hyper-aware of her partner's needs; if she notices that they need to take a break from being in charge, sawyer will step in and take over for as long as they need it. with that said, sawyer can be in a relationship where there is never a need for her to be dominant, but she will always need to be in a relationship where she can be submissive.

𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦:

001. let sawyer peg your male/ amab muse. that's it. that's the tweet.

004. if your muse says their dick is too big to deep-throat, sawyer takes that as a personal challenge.

011. sawyer has both of her nipples pierced as well as her clit. yes, they offer more stimulation. yes, she wants her partner(s) to play with them.

015. mark her. bite her. leave hickies. bruises made in pleasure. leave reminders that she belongs to someone. she loves it all.

#° 𝔡𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔩𝔬𝔭𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱 ; ✞ headcanon.#° 𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 ; ✞ usfw.#THIS IS A NOVEL BUT #important information!!!!!#happy sinday

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notnctu · 5 years ago

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switchin’ lanes - l.jn | ridin’ club

━ welcome to the ridin’ club smut series

genre ➠ slow burn, smut, pwp???, fluff (if u squint) wordcount ➠ 8.3k details ➠ fem!reader, streetracer!jeno, badboy!jeno, college!au, ━ where you and jeno are in a relationship, but not with each other. warnings ➠ explicit language, cheating, flirty banter, alcohol consumption, drugs, yall at a party, physical fighting (not with you), mentions of cuts/bruises, hickeys, drunk public dry humping, thigh riding, fingering, oral (f/receiving) synopsis ➠ If your boyfriend didn’t decide to join such a stupid unofficial club, then maybe you wouldn’t be in such a sticky situation where Lee Jeno is literally knuckles deep in your sticky situation as he drives you home. Or maybe if your boyfriend actually touched you, then you wouldn’t be seeking it from someone else, who can’t keep his hands off of you. taglist ➠ @rabbit-doyochi ; @darkneogotmyback ; @im-lame-irl ; @p-mini ; @niniluvsmarkhyuck ; @saniahmichael ; @jaehy9ngs ; @danyxthirstae01 ; @jaehyunoos ; @pikijaemin ; @suhweo ; @dearlyminhyung

a/n ➠ hi yall its author doie❀!! i hope you enjoy the series pls leave me feedback lmaoo ill literally take anything. we also hit a milestone for followers and honestly its so crazy to know how quickly this tiny sideblog has grown! we’re so thankful that yall follow us, thank u for lovin us and we will try our best to put out more content!! also through the lens hit 1k notes how is that even possible like wow im speechless thank u for everyone who left such kind comments i treasure every form of feedback :)

The heavy double doors of the classroom stare tauntingly at you. The evening setting in, painting the sky with strokes of orange and pink. You managed to remain complaint free the entire day, until your forgetful boyfriend canceled on you because of a club meeting. A meeting for an unofficial club on campus because it is illegal to street race. A club consists of delinquents that are obsessed with cars and steal your boyfriend away from you.

This is the fifth time this week that your boyfriend stood you up or coincidentally forgot your dates. You can’t remember the last time he physically stood in front of you and not through a phone screen. However, it is not completely the stupid club’s fault that your boyfriend has neglected you.

He truly is the worst boyfriend ever. He blames everything on his bad memory and does not prioritize you in his life. He loves one thing --- his car. You could be lying in a hospital bed, and he wouldn’t care to check up on you.

So why did you stay with him? Because you’re scared of being alone? Possibly, but it is a can of worms that you did not want to open just yet. Sex is definitely not the reason you stay with him. He hasn’t touched you sexually since the first and now, last time you two slept together.

You try your best, to only be waved off with a yawn. He doesn’t compliment you. He doesn’t look at you lovingly. He doesn’t even kiss you for longer than two seconds. You are a toppling tower, ready to crumble at any given moment.

The anger in your body fuels you as you pull the door open to reveal several men in leather jackets chatting away with each other. One by one, they all begin to lay their eyes on who abruptly interrupted their joyous conversations. Your eyes scan the room full of intimidating men, whose auras cause a shiver to run down your spine.

Your boyfriend is nowhere in sight, given that there are plenty enough guys who have the ability to cover him. You walk into the open space and the entire mood of the room shifts.

Heavy cologne and a deafening silence fill the air. One particular male, who has been eyeing you the entire time, gets up and walks towards you.

“Are you lost, baby?” Scoffs and chuckles sparsely cover the corners of the room. The unknown male has a jarring cut on his eyebrow, matching a small bruise on his upper cheekbone.

“I’m looking for my boyfriend…” Your weak voice trails off from the sudden attractive male intimidation. The tall man peers around the room, crossing his arms.

“If you are this beautiful woman’s boyfriend, please fucking come out now. It’s very rude to keep your girl waiting for you!” Initially, his low throaty shout startles you. A heavy heat falls on your cheeks when you register his choice of adjectives.

The whole room falls silent once more, before your pitiful boyfriend steps out from between two bulkier men. “Hey babe, what are you doing here?” His eyes nervously bounce around the room, a shaky laughter erupting from his gut.

“Sorry, Jeno. I didn’t mean to cause such a scene. I didn’t even see her come in.”

Like a trigger, you remember your intentions for storming in uninvited. Jeno gauges your flaming reaction to your boyfriend’s apologetic words. He nods, not out of acceptance of the apology, but out of disbelief.

He pulls your boyfriend by the collar of his white shirt and your eye widens at the condescending tone that causes your boyfriend to cower, “I’m not the one to apologize to.” With a careless toss, your boyfriend ends up shaking in front of you.

“Jeno is not the only one you should be scared of.” You whisper angrily to him as the rest of the room continues on with their previous chatter.

Your boyfriend rolls his eyes, “listen, Jeno’s been arrested before. You don’t want to get on that man’s bad side.”

Your eyes wander behind your boyfriend’s hunching shoulders, catching Jeno steal peeks at you too. There is no interest in the other rambling male that stands in front of him. He just wants to check you out a bit more.

He is the hottest person you’ve ever gotten the attention of. You feel flustered, and a bit flattered at his lingering gaze. His brown hair is slicked back messily, giving you more to admire. Jeno is an absolute cliche from a bad boy fanfiction. He is unreal, and the odd chance that he can’t keep his eyes off of you, is also unreal.

But with a light nudge from a blue haired fellow, Jeno’s eyes peel away from your’s. They exchange a few words, which then propels Jeno to hurriedly put on his slightly tattered leather jacket.

You lick your lips to the sight of his body lines as he stands up to follow his friend, but not without another look back at you. Noticing your stare still on him, he bids you a tiny wave goodbye with a smirk to die for. And like that, he’s gone.

“Are you listening to me?” Your boyfriend’s voice finally reaches your reality. Your focus shifts to the obviously irritated expression on his face.

“I guess, I’m not. Don’t fucking stand me up again or I will key your car.” You aren’t actually those kinds of girls, but your boyfriend didn’t take a threat seriously unless it involves his highly treasured car.

And like Jeno, you also make your exit out of the steamy room. The chilly night brush against your unknowingly hot cheeks. Then, you take yourself to the only unhealthy coping mechanism you can think of: a place of free alcohol and no boyfriend.

It takes you a few months to completely stop caring about your dying relationship. You figure how easy it is for your boyfriend to do it, so you make the same decision.

He spends his nights with his friends he made from his club, and has totally become a self proclaimed car enthusiast. You lose yourself in copious amounts of cheap alcohol at your local parties and it’s almost like you stop sulking over a man who kisses his car goodnight.

While being alone did not bother you as much as you had been dreading, the sexual frustration is a completely different issue. You are absolutely drooling whenever your eyes find Jeno in the crowds of sweaty bodies.

If there is one good thing that came out of your boyfriend’s membership in that club, it had to be Lee Jeno and a few other notable people who attended the same parties as you.

He became a very close acquaintance, and you had learned some very important names associated with the Ridin’ Club. Na Jaemin, Lee Haechan, and Huang Renjun. But the three could not compare to the kindhearted Jeno that makes butterflies stir in your lower abdomen.

Over the months, you also had learned rather quickly that your sexually clouded mind had tricked you previously into thinking that Jeno’s stares were full of lust for you. His girlfriend makes it clear that it isn’t the case.

Although you have caught the couple making out several times when trying to use the bathroom, your feverish, impure attraction toward Jeno never calmed down.

“You’re looking very tempting tonight, baby.” Jeno’s beaming eye smile greets you, even after completely undressing you with his gaze. His arms are wide open to embrace your warm body.

The parties are always too hot to wear a fully clothed outfit. You often settle for a cute tank top and a short skirt to prevent your legs from collecting extra moisture. Jeno, without a fail, shows up in black jeans that clad his lower half, tucked with a simple white shirt. His tattoos and toned arms being on full display for you to admire.

“Better make sure your actual baby doesn’t hear that.” The loud beats of the music make Jeno’s chuckle almost inaudible, but his expression remains cheerful, as per usual. “Did you get into another fight?”

The fresh wound cut through his smooth complexion, which will eventually join the rest of his collection of fading scars. He mindlessly grazes over the new bandaging and dramatically winces. Clearly concerned, you grab his hand away from the injury. “Don’t touch it, stupid.”

His smile curves into a sly smirk, as he intertwines your fingers and kisses the back of your hand. “It doesn’t hurt at all.” His chest heaves into a fit of giggles, “just wanted to see you care for me.”

Groaning, you shake his massive hand off of your’s. “Very funny. I should start charging you for my attention.”

“Name your price, I got all the money in the world for you.” He winks, while lightly pinching your cheek. You are lying to yourself if you thought you could ever stay away from him. Jeno stirs up a part of you that craves the cheesy nicknames, flirty comments and the undivided attention.

He motions you to follow him into the mess of people. Almost as if he’s a god, the crowd parts for you two to walk through without unnecessary extra bodies. The fear that settles in many individuals’ chest is understandable.

Like your first impression, Jeno is a complete walking fanfiction trope. He negotiates better with his fists, usually with good reason. The guns of the Ridin’ Club, though, his friends are very much to be feared as well. They will not hesitate to run someone over, if given the heated situation to do so. And most definitely, you can count them to be backing up their fighter, Jeno.

You had not been mindful before of the chatter that regarded the secret Ridin’ Club. They are notorious for fast paced very illegal races in the middle of nowhere destinations and tempers that aren’t meant to be provoked. Besides their intimidating aura, it melts away after getting to know them.

Lee Haechan, the most annoying brat, but has the strongest, the most loyal bond to his boys. He’s also notably funny, often making you laugh with an exchange of banter.

Huang Renjun, the whiniest and initially quiet boy, but grows to be one of the loudest and will chew you out if anyone dares try engaging in verbal combat.

Na Jaemin, the flirty playboy who always has a swarm of girls, but the gentlest man with a soft spot for cute things.

And finally, Lee Jeno, the owner of your nights. He is the friendliest of them all, despite him being the toughest one. While his stare can kill, melting away his layers reveal the warmest heart. Not that Jeno is the only one to show initial interest in you, but he is the most considerate to the people he holds close to him.

He has taken care of you for many drunk nights and watched protectively over your intoxicated figure in the crowds. He makes you feel safe and seen, which are some of the many reasons you are entirely attracted to him.

“(Y/N)!” Jaemin’s scream pierce your ears the moment the blueberry catches your eye. He excitedly nudges the other two boys, who are busy pouring drinks into red cups.

“You’re going to make me spill it, idiot!” Renjun grumbles, but looks up to see your dazzling smile and tremendous excitement. His own smile grows, “so the life of the party finally decided to say hi.”

“Hi, my fanclub. I appreciate the long awaited greeting.” Your over the top, sarcasm causes all of them to chime loudly. Haechan hands you a cup and wraps his arm around your shoulders.

Jeno joins you at your side and the five of you clink your drinks to the ceiling. A fit of yells over the music and a competition of who can finish first. As per usual, you set your cup down after draining the entirety. The others are still chugging the burning liquid down their throats.

Haechan coughs after dropping his cup onto the counter. His face is twisted with the most disgusted contour, “I don’t know how you do it, (Y/N).”

“I already drank more than you guys, so it just tastes like water now.” You scream over the loud music. Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun toss their empty cups into the sink.

At this rate, you are completely blindsided by the effects of the alcohol as your legs give out to gravity. Jeno catches you quickly, holding your elbows and your head is placed on his shoulder. Jaemin chuckles lovingly, before helping Jeno balance you against the island. Your head feels heavy on your shoulders, as the room spins in front of you.

“You good?” Haechan pats your head gently, whispering close to you.

“I---” You try catching your breath after being winded. “--It’s hitting me now.”

Jeno wraps his arm around your lower waist to draw you close to him, “want to go sit down?” He mumbles into your hair. You nod, Jeno and Renjun supporting your limp body to walk over to the couch.

The dark living room is lit up only by colorful led lights, but it is not enough to make out much of anything. Everyone is in their own world, dancing and socializing within their own selves. The two men set you down on the cushion, but your impulse catches onto Jeno’s wrist before he leaves. Renjun is already lost in the crowd.

“Can I sit on your lap?” You pout cutely, all the shame in your body has been displaced with courage. Jeno’s eyes soften at your sudden request, and kisses the top of your forehead.

“The throne is all yours.” He says as he sits at your side and pulls you on top of his thick thighs. His arm is loosely dangling around your waist, resting on top of your thighs.

The intimate position causes your mind to wander into dark thoughts. His strong, sturdy legs feel delicious against your clothed core. While you’ve been in this position once before, you could never forget how protected, yet very horny it makes you feel.

“What’s on your mind, (y/n)?” Jeno’s deep voice brushes against your bare shoulder and you feel his chest press against your back. “You’ve been pretty silent tonight.”

You turn slightly to face him, “if I told you, I’m scared it would ruin things between us.”

“There’s nothing in the world that can hold me back from you.” He is always so quick to spill such alluring words. His soft lips graze lightly on your skin as his sparkling eyes look up at your expression.

All it takes is one more tiny kiss on your arm to get you grabbing his face, drawing him into a steamy, long awaited kiss. Surprisingly, he kisses you back, open mouth and tongue lapping with your’s. His hands reposition your legs to where you straddle him. Your faces dive deeper into each other’s as the kiss continues to intensify.

Jeno’s lips still have a hint of alcohol, but he mostly tastes like mint gum. And they are comparable to a cloud, the softest lips you have ever made out with. It is like kissing pure heaven, completely different from your boyfriend’s two second pecks. Jeno devours you in a needy way, like he’s been waiting to explore the wonders of your lips.

However, you pull away when you feel the vibration of his phone against your inner thigh, almost like a wake up call. As if all the liquid courage disappeared, you blink back in shock at Jeno’s plump wet lips. The thought of his girlfriend crosses your mind, and maybe slight guilt for your own boyfriend fills your system.

You quickly start getting up from his hot body, “fuck, I’m so sorry..” But his hands pull you back onto him, your legs finding their way open above his thighs again.

“Don’t be, I’ve always wondered what your lips would taste like.” A smirk, then a hearty chuckle relaxes your contracting nerves at the potential of a ruined friendship.

“But, your girlfriend..” Your tiny voice trails off and Jeno picks up your chin. His fingers rubbing along your jawline.

His eyes do another lap around your features. He admires your averting shy eyes, your beautiful lips, and how they all come together to make a stunning you.

There is no doubt in Jeno’s mind that he is very attracted to you. He knew it the moment you barged into the club meeting. You are his type of woman, a good mixture of confident and timidness. You like to have some fun, and aren't afraid to be bold. Not to mention, that you are incredibly hot and every time you flirt back just makes him melt inside.

“She won’t care. She hooks up with people all the time.” It puzzles you, all this time you had been holding yourself back from Jeno because he has a girlfriend. All to find out that the relationship isn’t as serious as you thought it to be.

“I know, it doesn’t make sense. But we aren’t two people to be tied down, but at the same time, we like each other enough to want to stay together.”

Your confused expression causes Jeno to laugh and ask, “what’s the dilemma with your boyfriend?”

Rolling your eyes at the mention of your boyfriend, you sigh, “it’s like we’re still together, but we aren’t at the same time. We’ve abandoned the relationship unknowingly.”

Jeno runs a warm hand up and down your thigh, while he listens intently to you. He nods, grabbing your waist to pull you over his groin. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No, he’s a shitty person and an even shittier boyfriend. We literally haven’t fucked for the past year. I’m practically a virgin again.” His hand automatically gives your thigh a light squeeze.

Jeno’s eyes light up as you quickly cover your mouth out of embarrassment. A devilish smirk raises his cheekbone, and lust clouds his mind. Gauging his reaction, your cheeks turn hot.

“We’ll have to change that, don’t we? My baby must be all kinds of frustrated. Tell me, do you like when I touch you then?” Jeno drops in tempo, usually when he wants to be more intimidating with a deeper voice.

You clear your throat intending to speak, but you can only nod your head in response. “C’mon, (Y/N). Use your words, like a big girl.” Even with the loud music and continuous chatter, you can hear Jeno‘s taunting whisper.

His words tickle your collarbone as he runs his lips against your neck. Your heart is pumping rapidly at the turn of events, as if the possibility of having something beyond a kiss from Jeno is more than possible at this rate.

Jeno enjoys your small whimpers as he marks your neck with purple love bites. Right in the center of the crowded room, Lee Jeno is just casually giving you hickeys.

“Yes, I love that you can’t keep your hands off of me.”

Almost immediately, you can feel his lips curve into a smile on your skin. Pop! Jeno marvels the darkness against your skin in the mood lighting. A small part of him hopes you do end up seeing your boyfriend sometime soon, so he can see who you really belong to.

“How about we try touching like this?” Jeno pushes you down hard against his pelvis, the veins on his hands becoming evident from the grip and the tiny drawings permanently staining his fingers.

You gasp the moment you feel Jeno’s hip begin to move underneath you to the beat of the song. He rolls your hips rhythmically to match his speed. His clothed hard on can be felt through the only barrier you have on --- your panties.

The thin fabric is soon drenched in your juices after the continuous friction up and down his length. You throw your head back to every bump against your clit, the electrifying feeling enact more of your wetness to puddle.

You can’t believe you were grinding against Jeno in the middle of a full party, as if his friends aren’t a few feet away. It is a good thing that your skirt pools around both of your waists to conceal the dirty deed underneath.

Jeno’s lip escapes under his top row of teeth as he rubs his clothed length against your barely covered pussy. He can feel his jeans dampening from your wetness and his eyes roll to the back of his head from how the feeling of wanting you consumes his body. He really becomes uncontrollable when it comes to you.

This is the most sexual activity you have had with another person for over a year. Jeno just looks absolutely heavenly intoxicated with lust, and your mouth waters at how big his cock must be. You can feel his length the harder Jeno rolls against you, and it is definitely bigger than your boyfriend’s.

You are trying so hard to stay quiet and unnoticeable, but the pleasure seeps out every crevice. Jeno is trained on you as your hand reaches up to cover your mouth, the muffled whimpers escaping your lips uncontrollably.

“I’m so close.” You admit, your body jolting every time his jean button grazes against your sensitive bud.

Jeno moves you over his thigh, forgetting his incredibly hard dick straining in his jeans. As long as you are satisfied, he can care less about his own pleasure. A low scream erupts from your throat when he flexes against you.

His thigh is much more stable, with more control for consistency. You quickly notice the dark, wet spot on his jeans and you blush even harder. Your underwear clings onto you from the excessive moisture, but Jeno continues to help you finish.

The strands of hair cover your face, but Jeno needs to see your fucked out expression. He is taken aback when you start riding his thigh faster, grinding harder without the aid of his hands.

His mouth hangs slightly open in awe at your neediness, he truly did not know the extent of your sexual frustrations. Oh, but how he is incredibly turned on by you getting off on him.

“I want you to cum for me, you deserve it.” Jeno brings you in for another passionate kiss. The mixture of his tongue sucking harshly on yours, and the friction on your clit are more than enough to reach your climax.

Your legs clenched tightly around Jeno’s thigh. The small knot in your stomach that built, drops like the beat playing in the background. The feeling of white is familiar, but it is more intense than when you would touch yourself. You are finally receiving the pleasure from someone else’s touch, someone who wants you to unravel for him.

Jeno pulls away from your lips, kissing down your neck and collarbones as your chest heaves for air. His palm soothes your shaking legs as your climax subsides. You fall into his arms, and he laughs. The reality that you two just did that publicly registers in both of your minds.

Digging your shy face further into Jeno’s shoulder, he whispers lovingly, “let me drive you home.”

“Are you still drunk?” The muffled question tickles Jeno’s neck.

“I think you beautifully cumming on my thigh sobered me up.” He jokes and you quickly cover his mouth. Your heart practically stops and you hope no one else heard him.

It is silly that you are now self conscious, as if the whole room didn’t just watch you and Jeno grind on the couch. But, the feeling of embarrassment and regret lingers in your stomach. You mentally thank the dark room for concealing both of your identities.

“I’m sorry for your jeans.” A pout begs for forgiveness as you stare at Jeno’s beaming smile. He takes your hand off of his mouth, not forgetting to give your fingertips a lingering kiss.

“I’m sorry for your boyfriend. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Jeno parts your hair from your neck, admiring the marks he left on you. A small sense of pride builds inside of him, accompanied by a tiny bundle of possessiveness.

“Let me say goodbye to the boys and I’ll take you home.”

Nodding, Jeno carefully lifts you off of him and onto the cushion. He leans over to kiss your cheek. As he gets up, you see the darker shades on his jeans from your doing. However, Jeno is completely unbothered and continues to find his friends.

Now that you are alone, you feel a bit nervous that someone would come up to you and talk about what they saw. Checking your phone, your screen blinds you with absolutely no notifications from your boyfriend. Going on social media is worse, as you scroll to see that your boyfriend posted a photo.

It is a photo of his hot, red polished car. He obnoxiously posed squatting next to the front wheel, his lips puckered up and kissing the rims. With a caption that makes every regret in your body disappear, “with my one and only.”

The phone is tossed somewhere else, wishing to delete the image from your memory. Your eyes wander around the room, when they spot a suspicious man sneakily dropping a small pill in an unattended drink. He, then, looks up and catches your stare. Caught red handed.

But the male smugly smirks, “you’re going to pretend you didn’t see that, like how half of this room pretended to not see you grinding on Jeno.”

“You’re complete scum, I can’t believe you just roofied someone’s drink.” You yell in utter disbelief at the unwavering man. His disgusting smirk changes into a menacing smile.

He approaches you, his height allowing him to tower above. You gulp, scared at how he can easily overpower you at any second.

“And what are you going to do about it? What? Jeno didn’t loosen you up enough?” His revolting hot breath beating down your nose, invading every corner of your personal space.

Before you can find any insult to speak back, his figure goes flying sideways and out of your face. It’d be a lie to not admit your heart skipping a beat at the sight of Jeno’s clenched fists and locked jaw. His sharp gaze watches as the stranger gets up from the ground, inflammation already growing on his left cheek.

“Dude, what the fuck!” He shouts angrily, holding his cheekbone as he winces at the pain. Immediately, the conversations are replaced with gasps, and small whispers at the sight. People gather around the living room to see the commotion. Even you are unsure how to react to the sudden fight.

The other man lunges at Jeno with full force, but Jeno stops him by grabbing the man’s collar, “this,” Jeno punches his lip, busting it open, “is for dropping a roofie in someone’s drink.”

The stranger groans at the impact, but still gets up with a fist straight for Jeno’s gut. Watching Jeno take a blow is much more difficult than you had been expecting.

He crouches over from the punch, but quickly regains his composure to put the man in a headlock. A few more gasps erupt and wonder if you should stop him before he does something unnecessarily stupid.

“This,” the man squirms to try to get out of Jeno’s iron grip, “is for disrespecting my babygirl.” And with a shift snap, the male falls limp and unconscious.

A surprised intake of air and Jeno peers up at your scared expression. He calmly walks over to you, ignoring the swarm of people that had gathered around the scene. He can only see one thing — you. Jeno’s wandering eyes try to read your expression, but all he sees is a terrified girl.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, are you okay, (Y/N)?”

Blinking blankly for a few moments, you are mortified at the laying body, “what did you do to him?”

Jeno looks back at the stranger casually, “I put him to sleep for a bit. He’ll wake up in about 20 minutes.”

A rush of reassurance washes over you knowing that he is alive and Jeno didn’t just kill someone in front of you. You exhale all the anxiousness and nerves,

“thank you for stepping in.”

“I don’t fight without a good reason. You are more than a perfect reason to fight for.” He pinches your cheek cutely, and his tough exterior fades away yet again.

His famous eye smile that warms your insides is back as if the scary, intimidating expression didn’t exist a few seconds ago. Jeno’s good sides only appear with you. Nevertheless, you are happy to know how special you are to see them.

“Violence is never the answer.” He nods, only taking it for a grain of salt. “Are you okay? It looked like stringbean knocked some wind out of your gut.”

The teddy bear thrusts himself forward into a fit of laughter, his head resting on your lap. His melody lights every dark corner inside of you. “He did get a good punch in there, didn’t he?”

His rumbling laughter stops, and he peers up at you. “I can’t believe you were still worried about a complete asshole.”

Scoffing, you break the shared gaze. “I’m a compassionate human being.” Jeno stands up, extending his hand for you to take.

“I know, you’re the best kind of person.” He genuinely means it with the way his tone remains quite stern, eye contact unwavering. He is revealing more of his intimate parts, and in return, you wish for him to see your’s.

Silence drowns out all the commotion between you two. Jeno grows shy at the way the galaxies reflect in your stare. “I--” Never once, did you think you would witness Lee Jeno stammer over his words. “I-I, let’s-- I want to take you for a drive.”

To Jeno, a drive to him is equivalent to your hand in marriage. Even his own girlfriend has never been on a drive with him. It is a big part of his personality, given that he is a crucial member of the Ridin’ Club. However, out of all of them, he is the last one to flaunt his hobby. It is special, almost sacred to his entire being.

“Me?” It is the dumbest question to ask, but you really want to clarify his intentions. Before this night, you two were barely considered friends. You two never saw each other outside of the late night parties.

But now, Lee Jeno wants to take you on a drive. It makes you wonder if the desire of companionship is mutual, that he too pines to further your relationship.

“I’m not looking at anyone else,” Jeno still waiting for your hand and holding an intense eye contact. His heart lays exposed for you, just right on his sleeve. An innocence paints his usual intimidating aura, “let me show my special girl, what is special to me.”

He must possess some magic because he knows every way to make you swoon. And like that, your palm meets his and he locks his fingers between yours.

The moment you enter Jeno’s striking, eye catching car, you automatically relax into the leather seats. His pristine car matches his personality --- simple, but captivating. Your boyfriend’s car is the exact opposite, which is why you never enjoy sitting in it.

Jeno has pieces of himself that scatter his car, like an adorable small plushie that watches out the back window. A beaded lanyard dangles from his rear view mirror. It even matches his scent of a deep ocean breeze.

Unlike your boyfriend’s obnoxious details, Jeno did not have a light up stereo that flashed annoyingly to every beat drop in a song. Instead, a sweet lilac color illuminates at your feet, along with his.

“You like what you see?” Jeno catches you astonish at the tiny aspects of the interior.

“Of course, it’s yours. It’s exactly like how I would imagine it to be.” Jeno is proud, hearing you praise his car. Even he can admit, it is a bit weird to be so connected to an inanimate object.

Nevertheless, his car, racing, driving became a huge part of his life. And unlike his friends, he feels rather shy and slightly embarrassed for being such a geek.

But hearing you actually appreciating the small details of his car when you probably hate every aspect of racing due to your boyfriend’s doing, it makes him feel very happy.

Maybe happy is an understatement, more like overjoy at how you freely can recognize the things that make him content. You respect him, and are mindful that as mundane as a car is, you know that it is something important to him.

Silence becomes the majority of the ride out of the quiet, suburban neighborhood. While Jeno’s eyes remain focused on the road ahead, you are concentrated on him.

He drives with one hand on the wheel as he rests his elbow on the middle console. His eyebrow creases here and there. It is the most normal, mundane activity anyone can do --- drive. That is all he is doing, yet the effect it suddenly has on you can not go unnoticed.

Abruptly, with the rev of the engine and a press on the gas, the car practically flies on the empty freeway. It catches you off guard, causing you to hold onto the grab handle. Jeno peeks over at your shocked figure, and smiles to himself.

“Relax, (Y/N).” He calls your name, reaching over to rub your thigh as a way to calm your anxiousness. Automatically, your hand grips onto his for support and the other one drops from the handle.

Exhaling, your eyes are trained ahead. The car is moving so fast that you can’t even make out anything around you. Everything becomes nothing, but colorful streaks against a dark background. The gravity against your chest feels crushing.

“How-- How fast are you going?”

Jeno glances at the speedometer and intertwines your fingers into his own. “I don’t think I should tell you that, you might actually have a heart attack.”

The window rolls down and you are hit with rumbling wind, “I know you’re scared right now, so stick your head out the window and take a deep breath.”

You look at him in pure fear, “what?! I can’t even move, let alone stick my head out the window!”

Jeno shakes his head, “trust me. Please, trust me.” He needs you to experience the same thrill he does. His own adrenaline is through the roof, out the entire atmosphere of the vehicle. The amount of joy he is experiencing became tenfold now that you are sitting beside him.

You trust him and very meticulously, go against the wind. Your hair crazily dances along with the rush and your eyes water from being dried out. Adjusting to the pressure, you also stick your hand out the window. It whips backward, but you feel the wind slip between your fingers.

The rise in heartbeat and excitement pump through your veins. The beauty in the white streaks that create a runway, it is nothing but you and the open space. There is no other way to explore it, except at a high pace. You understand why Jeno loved it so much.

Jeno bounces between the road and half of your figure out his window. Your eyes are closed initially, before you barely squint open. Tears fly by with strands of your hair, but you start to move your hand to physically feel the thrill pass between your fingers.

Then he sees it in the side mirror: the sweet curve in your lips he loves the most and the wideness of life in your eyes. It only makes him press the gas harder.

“That was incredible! You should take me riding with you more.” You marvel at him as he starts the route to your place. It is complete playfulness that hints in your tone because you are aware of how sacred these are to him. Nevertheless, a part of you still hopes he agrees to do so.

Jeno nods, “only because I like you,” He pauses, gauging your reaction with his side eye gaze, “a lot.”

Your heart sinks to an unsettling place in your stomach. Jeno could not possibly be serious, however, his tone no longer matches the playfulness of your own. It almost seems like he is telling the truth. But you didn’t want to believe that.

Your eyes make a full circle before settling at the disappearing sidewalks, “stay in your lane, Jeno.” It is to keep the mood still light, you and Jeno aren’t ones to be serious.

His hand has been on your thigh for the whole night, whether it be out of habit or comfort. His touch is always welcoming and warm, but suddenly, you feel the small squeeze on your flesh. Turning your attention on his face, you can see how a smirk has grown.

“But yours seems much more fun.” Immediately, your stomach leaps with somersaults. Your throat gets dry and tight, not anticipating that response.

“Beside, you can’t act like we both haven’t swerved. It was barely moments ago that you were cum---”

“---No need to further explain.”

“And I’d proudly do it again.” His voice drops several decibels and his hand slowly snakes it’s way up your thigh. All the while, his eyes still on the road ahead.

You gulp as every heartbeat constricts your throat. Lifting the ends of your skirt higher to expose more, you secretly want Jeno to cause your legs to shake again. “D-Do what again?”

Jeno perks up to the sweetness of curiosity in your tone. He pulls up to a red stoplight, being able to finally look over to your innocent face and needy hands gripping the cute, thin fabric. He stares deeply into your eyes, “make my baby cum.”

Similarly to the stoplight, you give Jeno the green light to pull your panties to the side. You spread your legs wide as his finger massages your pussy lips. He gets dangerously close to your erect clit, barely skimming over it.

A needy, yet delicate moan escapes your lips and Jeno’s jaw tightens. He’s more upset that he’s missing the view of your legs spread, open mouth in ecstasy, half lid eyes all in the passenger seat of his car. He hopes for another red light, just so he can peek over at your delicious figure.

“Jeno, please touch me.” Your voice is airy and desperate. He hummed in response, completely withdrawing his hand from your core. However, you catch his wrist and bring it to rest on your inner thigh. “Please.”

The distinct beg in your tone drives him crazy. As he dips his finger into your sudden wetness, a shiver runs up your spine. Right when he applies minimal pressure on your bundle of nerves, you jolt and close your thighs around his hand.

One touch already feels too good to be true, that finally someone, Lee fucking Jeno, is actually touching your nakedness. Peering down, Jeno’s arm is flexing in between your legs. His veins popping ever so slightly and his tattoos paint his smooth skin.

“Open your legs, babe.” His low devilish chuckle rumbles in your lower abdomen. “Let me give you the lovin’ you’ve been deprived of.”

You shudder at his cadence and slowly pry open your legs. Jeno stops at a red light and gets to see your reaction as he rubs you in a fast rhythmic pace. A soft cry yelps from your throat and you have to grip the handle to keep yourself from spazzing out any further.

Almost like a trance, he doesn’t notice that the light turns green. He’s locked into the sight of your contorting body. Your hips have a mind of its own, yet again, as Jeno feels you rolling deeper into his touch.

“Poor baby, you’re so touch starved that you can’t control yourself.”

“It feels better when you do it.” You whine, your lip being bruised from your biting. But your eyes notice the green illumination and you blink over at Jeno.

He is practically drooling at the sight of you, his eyes are trained at your needy hips and dripping wet core that soaks his fingers. You stop every urge to steal more kisses from him.

Jeno briefly recovers from the trance and steps on the gas. He takes this opportunity to ease a finger into the core, causing you to exclaim and squeeze around his digit. “Oh fuck, you’re so tight.”

“More, Jeno.” The way his name rolls off of your tongue makes his heart flutter and his dick to raise in his jeans. Without much hesitation, he slowly slips in another finger and you moan at the stretch. Pumping and curling, he ensures that you are enjoying every action.

His fingers curl against your plushy flesh and your legs spread wider for him to go deeper. You’re a moaning mess when he curls up to your sweet spot, rubbing his fingertips quickly. The familiar queasy feeling builds in your lower regions, and Jeno becomes merciless with his fingers.

He guides them in and out of you, feeling your tightness release and invite him back in. The sloppy wet noises fill the car and drown out the engine. Your half lidded eyes bounce at Jeno’s unbothered figure and the entire scene seems absolutely unbelievable to you.

One hand on the wheel. The other knuckles deep in your pussy. Eyes focus on the road ahead. A comfortable man spread. His hair is messy from the long night.

It is all too unbelievable, that Jeno’s already giving you a second climax of the night when you could barely get one in a year before. And he loves touching you as much as he loves driving.

However, the guilty raises as fast as the ball of tension in your gut. You two pull up in front of your apartment building, while Jeno’s tugging his fingers against your flesh aggressively. In a split second, you hold onto his wrist to stop him.

He shifts into park when the car settles into a spot and peers over to you. A curious expression daunts onto him, rather concern that he might have been too much. “I’m starting to feel guilty.”

Jeno nods, and retrieves his fingers out of your dripping core. The feeling of emptiness causes all the built up pressure to dissipate.

“I understand,” he begins, but pauses at the sight of your sticky juices glistening on his fingers. Your eyes widen as he licks them clean, a soft moan escaping from the back of his throat.

The small action spikes your heart rate and you rub your legs together. With a pop! Jeno hums delightfully, “baby, you taste so good. I’m a little sad I won’t be tasting more, especially directly from the source.” His lustful eyes glance down at your thighs and back to your profile.

“I’ll walk you up to your apartment.” He says way too casually, unbuckling his seat belt. A mixture of emotions are running through your head. There is guilt, but lust is too powerful to ignore, especially when it’s Lee Jeno. The damage is already done, right? It’s not like it wasn’t moments ago that you humped him in the middle of a party.

“Wait,” your hands find themselves gripping onto his leather jacket tightly. Jeno gently reaches over to release your strong grip and replaces the leather with his hand.

“Yes, babygirl?” Jeno’s round, friendly eyes meet yours. The lust clouded darkness is no longer there. His hand feels hot and somewhat rough.

“I’m going to break up with my boyfriend, so promise me, you’re not going to dip out of my life afterwards… I don’t need you to be anything more than a friend. I just can’t lose you too.”

He turns around in his seat to face you comfortably. “I don’t think you’ve noticed, but I can’t stay away from you, let alone have the ability to leave you.” He reassures you with a soothing and calm tone. His thumb draws circles around your knuckles. “I’m always going to be your friend, whether or not I know how you taste.”

“Do you still want to try it … you know, from the source?” You shyly ask, an innocence embodying your gaze and voice cadence.

Jeno raises an eyebrow, a smirk on his lips. “I’d love to, only if you let me.”

Instantly, you shift to get on your lower back. Jeno watches as you excitedly position yourself open for him and actually finds your eagerness quite adorable. Your left leg bends behind the driver’s seat and your right rests on the dashboard.

He hooks his arms underneath your thighs to pull you forward towards him and your whole body slides against the leather. With a slow lift, your skirt reveals your drenched panties. Rolling them off and tossing them to the back seat, he lays eyes on your still dripping pussy. Jeno takes a second to admire your flower, this being his first time he’s seen such a private part of you.

“You’re beautiful, you know that right?” He chuckles deeply, before his tongue licks a long strip up to your clit. You exclaim out of the tingling pleasure that seized your insides.

He flattens his tongue against your bundle of nerves, flicking and circling. His finger enters your pussy again, curling up to rub at the same pace he is licking. The pure sight of Jeno’s head in between your legs is enough for butterflies to explode.

His sole motive is to make you feel good. There is nothing else in the world that he wants at this moment beside pleasure to overtake your body. Jeno eats you out like he hasn’t had a meal in months. His mouth wraps around your clit. The mixture of his flicks and sucks cause electric bolts to run down your legs.

You get more wet as Jeno pumps his finger in and out of your hole. Your juices are practically dripping onto the interior of the car, but Jeno doesn’t care.

He fucking loves it. He loves the taste of you lingering on his tongue. Your breathless moans. Your waterfall dripping on uncontrollably. The view of you unwinding because of him. Nothing can be more perfect.

Running your hands through his messy locks, you press him closer into you. A devilish smile draws on his face as he flicks his tongue side to side. “Oh, fuck! I’m.. so c--close.”

Your back arches upward into Jeno’s mouth, feeling his muscle lick harder and faster on your throbbing clit. He adds a second finger, and the simultaneous stimulation practically throws you into another dimension. The pleasure overtakes your entire lower half, your legs trembling from pure ecstasy as you approach your orgasm.

“Don’t stop, I’m going to---” Then, Jeno pulls away and shoves his tongue into your warmth. A gasp hits the air as he also continues to rub circles on your sensitive nerves. His tongue fucked your pussy incredibly skillfully and deliciously. With this switch, your legs violently shake and try clamping together.

However, his strength holds you wide and open for display. A low grunt follows suit as his dark eyes zone in on your contoured facial expressions. Then, the white light blind you once again and the ball of tension unravels itself on Jeno’s tongue. Squirming and screaming, your hips buck forward on their own.

It is close to being too catastrophic, this being the most intense orgasm you’ve had after a whole year. Nevertheless, the satisfaction is right on the tips of your toes and you greedily indulge in the euphoric moment. Jeno feels your walls squeeze around his muscle as he laps every last bit of you up.

He is absolutely addicted to your juices, making sure he catches every drop. Finally pulling away, he wipes the extra drip on the back of his hand. Jeno blinks at your raising chest and limp legs. Chuckling, his warm hand massages feeling back into your body.

“Do you want me to carry you back up?” His hoarse, raspy voice wakes you from your post orgasm daydream. You flutter your lashes at him fondly and happily nod at his offer.

Getting out of the car, Jeno walks over to the passenger side and your arms rest nicely around his neck. His palms support your butt, but also smoothing your skirt over to cover your decency. A poke against your outer thigh makes you realize that Jeno is strained against his jeans.

“I can take care of you too.” You pout cutely at Jeno, but he shakes his head.

“It’s not about me tonight. It’s about you.” Leaving a soft kiss on your cheek, his eyes turn into moon crescents from his lovable smile. The kind, friendliness makes an appearance again.

Or so you think! In a sheer second, Jeno’s deep voice rumbles your stomach and his hooded eyes pierce your soul, “next time though, I’m fucking you real good, babe.”

You hum in response. Saliva collects in your mouth, already looking forward to more of Jeno. But a chilly draft brushes up your exposed area as Jeno carries you up the flight of stairs.

“Wait, Jeno… I don’t have my underwear on.” The ‘Level 3’ sign is in view as Jeno turns to walk.

He only laughs and shrugs nonchalantly, “it’s better that way anyways.” Without another word, he continues upward to your floor and you playfully punch his solid chest. In all honesty, that’s not going to be the only time you leave behind your panties in his beloved car.

Your hatred for the notorious Ridin’ Club subside after such a wild night. If anything, you owe it all to your shitty ex-boyfriend for joining such a ridiculous club. Without him and the club’s existence, who knows if Lee Jeno would’ve still swerve into your lane.

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cancerjupiter · 4 years ago

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astrology notes: mars (pt. 2)

mars in libra

the mars principle describes how you set about getting what you need for yourself and shows how you define yourself. libra is about you in relation to others and gaining self-knowledge by using others as a mirror. these two opposing principles do not combine comfortably. how can you define yourself or decide what you want effectively if you consider the other person's needs before your own?

the person with mars in libra attributes enormous importance to what the 'other' wants, and often gives away their energy and sexual needs. they don’t know what they want until they discovered what the other person wants. if you ask them what they want to do, they will most likely answer by asking what you want to do. this makes decision-making virtually impossible because they cannot focus in on what they want, but are always looking for answers from the outside, drawing in others to help them decide. because of this difficulty in knowing what they want, they are very ambivalent and give out double messages all the time. if they make a definite statement, they will immediately qualify it, so that what they really want becomes blurred and open to doubt.

in their sexual relationships, mars in libra like to observe the social niceties - venusian touches such as romantic notes, thank-you letters, and cards sent to continue the connection. romantic and charming, they know what pleases and often show a flattering interest in their partner's life and emotional well-being. they always ask the right questions and respond appropriately, which can be very seductive. enjoying repartee and flirtation, people with mars in libra may flirt for ever without ever getting round to doing anything. they enjoy creating the right setting - a romantic meal with soft lights and sweet music.

sometimes there is a perfect atmosphere for sex, with the promise and the innuendo there, but the sex itself may never materialize. this is because Libra feels much more comfortable with the flirting stage than with the disturbing intimacy of sex. people with mars here like to start contacts, forge links and hold relationships together, but they also like to keep at a distance and avoid intense involvement, often using niceness and politeness as a barrier to intimacy. however, the urge to establish a sexual relationship is a driving force for people with mars in libra, so that even if there is not much actual sex involved, they need to feel they have an actual sexual partner, and will put a great deal of effort into pleasing their partner and holding the relationship together.

mars in scorpio

mars is in dignity in scorpio; and someone with this placement is likely to have a quietly powerful and unobtrusively charismatic presence, backed up by an inner strength and sense of purpose. these people will have a certainty in their manner that conveys that they are not people to be toyed with. this is the most assertive and potentially ruthless of the water signs.

this sounds a promising placement for passionate sex, and mars in scorpio people are passionate as fuc. however, with relationships they are often so intense and sex is often such a traumatic arena that they may never actually do it, though they can spend a lot of time anguishing over it. their sexual contacts are likely to be intensely emotional. they may have such immense feelings invested in sex that they shrink when they are attracted to someone, and all spontaneous responses fail; things just stop flowing. for a mars in scorpio, sex is all or nothing; they feel it as life and death - which can throw them into dreadful crisis and inner turmoil. sex is indeed intimately connected to life and death; and they will feel closer to this truth than anyone else.

this placement makes for a depth of emotional honesty and integrity that you do not find with mars in the other water signs, but it can also produce the most agonized expression. once a relationship becomes established, someone with mars in scorpio will not be afraid of commitment. these people will offer and demand absolute loyalty, and will stand by their partners through thick and thin. they will also be the most possessive of all the water signs, and are vulnerable to feelings of sexual jealousy. this is because their feelings become so deeply engaged in their sexual relationships. with such an emotional investment, they have a great deal to lose. there is nothing lukewarm about them. these people will want to own their sexual partner; anyone not wanting to be possessed might find their intensity too much.

mars in sagittarius

people with this placement have huge expectations of sex. believing it to be a path to self-knowledge, many are looking for sex to give meaning to life, and they may elevate it to the status of a religious belief. this can lead to restless promiscuity as they search for the spiritual enlightenment they crave. they can make a religion out of their own need for sexual freedom in order to pursue such illusive goal. on the surface, they appear to be happy and easy-going; but underneath there may be emptiness, despair, and a sense of having been cheated, as life constantly cannot match up to expectations. this provokes an endless search for the deep sexual healing that they believe could soothe this inner pain.

as with all fire signs, but most intensely with sagittarius, there is a propensity to feel limited by the body, which holds them down when they want to be all spirit; and this can lead to a total rejection of the physical. this manifestation of mars can show someone who despises sex and aspires to devote themselves to the concerns of the mind and spirit, therefore renouncing sex completely.

on a more ordinary everyday level, most people with mars in sagittarius do not live in such an extreme way, but they do all need to sex to bring meaning to life, together with a powerful belief in personal freedom. there is a common desire for sex to enrich their lives spiritually and offer a gateway to personal development. they are stimulated by differences and challenge, and so are often attracted to those who come from unique backgrounds who can give them a new perspective and widen their horizons. the impulsive nature of sag people means that they often jump too quickly into close relationships and then immediately feel restricted, so that often they have no sooner started a relationship than they have dreams of leaving. there is a tendency to run away from difficult situations rather than face up to the consequences of their own actions. they often find it hard to accept responsibility for what happens, believing that they have acted with the best of intentions and that therefore it must be the other person's fault.

in order to enjoy sex, these people need to act spontaneously. within a relationship that offers this, they are very enthusiastic sexual partners, uninhibited and keen to experiment. they need the stimulation of variety, and tend to become bored if sex is too predictable. the person with mars in sag will want to get a lot of fun out of their relationships, and will enjoy going out to the cinema, concerts, and other activities with their partner. these people are also likely to enjoy their partners taking part in sporting activities with them, so that a shared morning run or a tough game of tennis could be quite fun!

people with mars in this sign can make their partners feel fantastic. they have a warm enthusiasm which they give out freely; if they want you, they really show it. generous-spirited and optimistic, they expect to be desired, and so act in an open, confident way. if they are rebuffed, they will just try again or turn their attention elsewhere. they can, however, be rather careless with other people's feelings, acting first and think later, which can be very painful to those who are more sensitive. they find it hard to focus on the here and now or empathize with other people, as their gaze is firmly fixed on the distant future. they prefer to ignore difficulties, and that includes people's hurt feelings. rather than grapple with present problems, they will concentrate on their visions for the future and chase their dreams. for someone who shares these dreams, it can be an exciting road to travel.

mars in capricorn

someone with this mars is likely to have an air of authority, and an innate sense of dignity and of deserving (not sure if that’s the right word tho). these people give a powerful impression of self-control and conduct themselves with good manners. they may seem quietly distinguished (and are often called mysterious). all the earth signs exercise self-control, caution and reserve, but these traits are most in evidence in someone with mars in capricorn. this could be because they feel their dignity is constantly at stake, which is arguably something that matters a great deal to them. they may restrict their lives in order to maintain control over it.

when starting sexual relationships, someone with this placement will take considerable care not to make inappropriate moves. a rejection would be a loss of dignity. yet these people have a powerful sex drive and powerful needs for physical contact, so when sexually involved and certain of their partner they can be very bit as ardent as mars in taurus. people with mars in cap may be painstakingly slow in establishing contact, but once they have, they want the rewards for their efforts. they will take a sexual relationship seriously and expect it to last.

like mars in virgo, they can go through long periods when, if not in a relationship, they remain celibate. for mars in capricorn, these may be rather austere times, when they bury themselves in their work or productive activities and swutch off their sexual needs (my friend with this placement says she’s not crazy about masturbating, but to each his own ofc). this is their way of surviving. when they do have a partner, they will let go of some of their control and have a powerful sensuality.

people with mars in capricorn will be ambitious, and might choose a sexual partner who helps them get on in life or who enhances their status. they may choose someone who opens doors that might otherwise remain closed, or who has money. this is not as calculated as it sounds, for they may literally get turned on by money or authority. alternatively, a mars in capricorn person may start up in business with their lover. the dividing line between business partnerships and sexual relationships can easily blur. this is an ideal placement for a working sexual relationship.

mars in aquarius

this mars placement causes some impulsiveness and abruptness in manner or speech. they may do things quickly and unexpectedly, either because they make up their minds quickly or because they don’t fully realise the consequences of their actions. they often sum up facts or opinions and comes to a conclusion very quickly (the type of person to read the headline but not the article). they always seem ready for anything; mars in aqua often knows what to do in an emergency and how to stay level-headed through it. they speak readily and are incisive debaters, forcible and determined. their opinions are fixed and not easily changed from outside (aquarius is fixed after all); but when they do change, it often happens so suddenly and abruptly as if to surprise everyone.

the often alienate their friends because of their actions, easily suffering from opposition and hostility. this position is not favourable for social niceties, associations, companies or firms, as they don’t see the need to nice for the hell of it. however, they’re somewhat ambitious and aspiring, original and independent in thought, too much so to associate on an equal footing with others for any length of time; such relationships are usually broken either through their ambition or love of independence. sometimes they seem to be democrats, but there is a good love of autocracy in them; they love leading and guiding others.

mars in pisces

they’re the most romantic and tricky placement of the water signs. this is someone who is extremely sensitive to romantic gestures in love, and able to tune in to their loved ones on the subtlest levels. these people can make the most attentive lovers, who seduce and overwhelm their loved ones with flattery and attention. and yet, just as the object of their affections succumbs, they may be on their way, ever elusive pisces, to the next lover. their effusive gestures of affection can be in some ways impersonal (and superficial in retrospect). with a mars in pisces suitor, you are never sure whether you are the real thing or just a sounding board on which they’re practising - the idealized love object of the moment. these psople may want to keep their illusion intact more than they want a partner. plus they may enjoy the seduction process more than an actual relationship. they may be in love with the concept of being in love. if you are 'the real thing' for them, then your relationship will be infused with romance and mystery. these people will need intrigue to keep them involved, and will themselves regularly inject such ingredients into the relationship to keep the romance alive. they may read too much fanfiction for their own good (lol sorry, Bea).

there is a deep yearning for an oneness with their partner; a total merging, which they are likely to satisfy through sexual contact. for them, sex may be a spiritual experience. it may be an union with something far greater than their partner and themselves that they seek, whether or not they are conscious of it. for someone with mars in pisces, there will be a conscious awareness of this spiritual dimension. the practice of meditation symbolically represents their orientation. someone with such an orientation could, if not in a relationship, spend long periods celibate. paradoxically, they can also be the most promiscuous, with no sense of sexual boundaries, and wanting everyone that they feel attracted to. it really depends on their level of consciousness. this is the most passive of the Water signs, and perhaps the one with the greatest diversity of expression.

#astrology #zodiac signs #mars astrology #mars in libra #mars in scorpio #mars in sagittarius #mars in capricorn #mars in aquarius #mars in pisces #libra mars #scorpio mars #sagittarius mars #capricorn mars #aquarius mars #pisces mars #happy halloween!

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warlordgab · 4 years ago

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LuNa analysis: Emotional and Intellectual chemistry

This is a special edition meant to help a friend explain this aspect of Luffy and Nami's relationship as potrayed in Oda's works (excludes the anime adaptation). It's no something truly new, it's more like a summary of multiple analyses made in this blog and other places.

The first time we mentioned this particular subject in this blog, the idea was to showcase the difference between "sexual tension" and the concept of chemistry.

Shallow fans sometimes used both terms interchangeably as if they were the same thing. Well, they're not.

Chemistry refers to the natural connection between two persons, a common feeling between two characters that leaves a impact strong enough to move their hearts and stimulate their minds. Needless to say, it's something complex, sometimes subtle, but very appealing.

It's not something tied to sexual attraction, and it's definitively not a mere infatuation. It's something much deeper than that...

However, some popular newcomers to the One Piece community mistake this concept with "dynamic." They may focus on character(s) they grow fond with, and then claim their dynamic is a sign of "chemistry" because of how much they like it.

The "character dynamics" would refer to the way characters work with or against each other within the story. While chemistry is about how the characters bond with each other throughout the story.

But then, how does LuNa showcase actual chemistry? By relying on more than one kind of chemistry.

We've seen it before, the development of a bond that grows naturally through mutual trust/faith, with the most importat trait being the capability of regulating the partner's emotions.

This kind of chemistry is marked by emotional support producing a remarkable attachment. In such a relationship, the distressed person feels comfortable enough to express their anxiety, grief, and helplessness to their partner because said partner is capable of providing with relief, comfort, and/or hope.

It's probably starting to sound familiar, right? LuNa fans would certainly think of Arlong Park and the pass of the hat, a gesture that provided Nami with the relief and hope she needed to stand up and keep going.

But, we have the moments from Skypiea too:

When she was overwhelmed by fear and doubts, Luffy does something similar, but this time is to remind Nami that she's the companion of the future Pirate King, and as such, she has nothing to fear. It was so effective that it led to a remarkable character moment from Nami, and her brief skirmish with Enel, in which she drew courage from her captain. That creates enough confidence for Nami to open her heart when there's something troubling her. Remember Water 7? After learning the truth about Robin's desertion, and shortly after missing the train Robin got in, Nami didn't seem distressed at all. In fact, she got up determined and unwilling to give up. But, how did she act when she got the chance to explain the truth to Luffy?

She and displayed the helplessness, frustration, and sadness she truly felt when she got to Luffy.

A smilar scene plays out when we get to Zou. Sanji was taken away, and while Nami seemed ok and even elated at the fact Luffy and the rest are back, is when she's in Luffy's arms that she once again expresses how helpless and anguished she feels...

This is how emotional chemistry looks like! It's not about meaningless flattery, flowery words, nor a mere infatuation. It's about growing attached to one another through a strong companionship, mutual trust/faith, offering support/comfort when needed.

Now, true chemistry occurs when characters affect each other in meaningful ways. And Nami also has an effect on Luffy. When Oda wrote the Strong World movie, we get to see how she affects her captain. When Nami got no other choice but leave a message in which she seemingly doubts Luffy's strength and capabilities, Luffy reacts this way...

This shows how much Luffy values the perception Nami has of him.

Another perceptive reader explained the difference between this situation and Ennies Lobby. During that massive rescue mission "Luffy is angry at Robin for not worrying about her own safety." In Strong World, the idea of Nami not believing in him is something Luffy takes personal. And as explained in multiple posts, we later learn Nami never stopped believing in Luffy, and the idea of Luffy hearing about it was pretty embarrassing to her.

Well, what about Intellectual Chemistry?

This is a tricky one, because most people think is having a similar level of intelligence. But, even in real life, it's pretty likely potential partners have different degrees of education, so they're not always going to perfectly click or match in this regard.

Then, how people can develop this kind of chemistry under such circumstances? One of concepts of intellectual chemistry is the capability of challenging each other's perspective and beliefs on subjects and matters relevant to both persons.

LuNa fits the second bit, for the greatest challenge each character's perspective has is the other's...

...Nami’s character from the very beginning had a very clear distate for pirates and had trouble trusting others. Her perspective served as not only a contrast to Luffy's idealism, but also as a challenge Luffy and his ideals had to actively overcome. This kind of chemistry covers other aspects that, even people who are not fond of LuNa, could see and mention. For example:

Unlike Zoro, Robin, and others crewmates who, more often than not, go along with Luffy's course of action without questioning their captain, Nami is usually the one who challenges Luffy's decisions. It makes sense given Nami's role, as she herself explained in Weatheria...

While Luffy is the one who chooses where to go, Nami is the only one can get him where he wants to go. She seeks to provide Luffy with the guidance he needs to survive his journey. She’s the compass leading Luffy towards his adventures.

Now, Intellectual Chemistry not only consists of challenging each other’s perspectives, it’s also about openly discussing each other’s ideas with the right mindset, not because you’re trying to win an argument, but as a mean to learn more about your partner, and as a result, you get to better understand that significant person and both parts work together as a team.

In this regard, it's true Nami is one who questions Luffy the most, but she doesn't actively try to change his mind, instead she attempts to get Luffy to rationalize his choices. And once Luffy voices out his reasons and/or motivations for doing something, she offers her assitance and full support. We see one example in Skypiea:

At first, she questions why Luffy is making such a great effort to climb the beanstalk and fight Enel a second time, Nami even urges him to stop and flee with her. She keeps pushing until Luffy clearly states why he's not running away.

Nami could easily run away on her own, but as soon as she understands Luffy’s reasons, she stays, and they’re able to work together to ride the beanstalk so Luffy can finally defeat Enel.

This is not one-sided either. If we go to the Dressrosa arc, we got Nami communicating Luffy her plan of splitting into two teams to keep Ceasar and Momonosuke away from Doflamingo.

And Luffy not only fully supports her idea, he even follows it up with a mission for the team that stayed at Dressrosa.

Another possible example could be one particular scene from the Zou arc. Luffy’s original intent was going to rescue Sanji on his own...

...until Nami reminds him how much he needs her and her navigation skills to keep going. Luffy accepts the reasons she gave him, and alters his original plan accordingly.

We can find other moments to showcase this aspect of their relationship, but to make things short, we can sum it up like this: when their different perspectives clash, they challenge each other’s ideas to the point of gaining a better understanding of each other, and end up acting according to that understanding, they display Intellectual chemistry.

Bonus: Physical Chemistry?

I wasn't going to include this one, but given a japanese fan brought it up ages ago, I decided to leave a couple of scenes that may fit the concept.

That japanese fan based his comment on Strong World, the movie written by Oda. To make it short, physical chemistry doesn't necessarily means "sex" either, it really comes down to how comfortable a person feels with their partner. However, the details and quirks in this particular kind of chemistry vary from people to people. Just like it can vary from writer to writer.

We often mentioned in this blog certain moment in Fishman Island, where Nami had no problem with Luffy wrapping himself around her...

...she indeed bickered with Luffy, but it was about Luffy's wanting to venture through a dangerous route rather than their physical closeness. A nice way to show how comfortable she feels around him. In contrast, she doesn't pull any punches, or thunders, when punishing people for pervying around her. Something that remains consitent even in the Wano arc (at least in the original source: the manga) Regardless of whether or not these count as “physical chemistry,” we can still appreciate how Oda crafted a solid emotional chemistry, and intellectual chemistry as well, in the way he wrote Luffy and Nami.

#one piece #luffy x nami #LuNa #lunami #chemistry #analysis #ルナミ

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carryon-countdown · 4 years ago

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MLM/Trans Rep Issues: a conversation

Hello everyone!

As was announced to the public in this post, we’ve noticed some voices of discontent from mlm/trans people in this fandom. We’ve spent the past week talking to many mlm/trans people in this fandom, to listen to what has likely been hurting them/making them uncomfortable. Our goal here was to educate ourselves on views that we’d been overlooking and to have a conversation about how to move forward.

We’re glad to say that every person who reached out to us was very patient and informative, so now we’re able to share what we’ve learned with our followers and the rest of the fandom. What makes everything a bit more complicated, however, is that it became clear quite quickly that not every mlm/trans person experiences these issues the same way. Most people we talked to had their very own way of viewing things, and we, as admins, think that each individual view had something valuable to say. There’s not a very clear right or wrong here, so we’re going to ask everyone not to approach these issues like there’s a definitive right or wrong.

What we’re going to do instead is explain the different views, in hope that it will educate many of you who’d had a blindspot to these issues. And then it’ll be up to each individual person to self-reflect and decide what you think is important. Once again, there doesn’t seem to be a definitive right or wrong, so we think the best we can do is make sure everyone has as much information to make their own choices with.

Fetishizing

One of the main issues that was brought to our attention is the fetishisation of mlm ships (in this fandom’s case mainly snowbaz). Some people we talked to said they came across this quite a lot, others felt like it happened here and there, and others said it happened so little that they had never been able to come up with an example of this within the fandom. So that already gives everyone an idea of what we mean by people seeming to have very different experiences.

What it means to use a ship for fetishisation is that you interact with the ship in a way that is purely focussed on the “hotness”/aesthetic of the ship, instead of focussing on the actual dynamic of this ship. This turns the ship into something more like an object of your fantasies, instead of seeing it as a representation of something real.

Everyone we talked to agreed that fetisising is wrong/hurtful. There were, however, more divided opinions on where the lines lie between content that is and isn’t rooted in fetishisation. Some views are more quickly to label a piece of smut that’s just straight up porn, with a strong focus on the “sexiness” of it all, as a piece rooted in fetishisation, while others think it’s more okay to have smut like this because wanting to celebrate a ship that you love having a bit of sexy-time can definitely come from a place of loving the ship for who they are rather than a objectifying sexual fantasy standpoint.

This shows that the whole concept of judging whether a piece of fan content is fetishising the ship isn’t something that’s just black and white. Something that is easier to judge, though, is yourself and where your love for the ship/certain pieces of content comes from.

We do thus strongly encourage you to take a look at yourself and the way you interact with the ships and content in this fandom. It’s good to ask yourself what your intentions are when creating/sharing any content relating to these ships, and to question whether you might be fetishising. We hope everyone will refrain from engaging with this ship from a fetisising standpoint. It’s often not something that happens to intent harm, but it is something that makes people who are actually represented within the ship highly uncomfortable and upset. It’s not a form of support to any sexuality/type of relationship that might be represented in the ship.

(Note: please don’t instantly write off the idea that you might be fetishising because you, for example, aren’t even attracted to men, because that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t look at a mlm ship in an objectifying way. Please, just, absolutely everyone, take an honest look at your view towards the ships in this fandom, and try to see if there’s instances where you are fetishising these ships.)

Genderbending

Genderbending/genderswap was the other main topic of the conversations we’ve had with mlm/trans people. Genderbending is simply put: changing the genders from one or more of the characters present in your work, to a gender that’s not their canon gender. In our fandom we mostly see this trope used on snowbaz, thus having them become fem!snowbaz.

A big critique for genderbending is that, very often, with genderbending the appearance/physical features of the character is what changes, and thus “that changes the gender”, which is a way of viewing gender that completely excludes the experience of trans/nb people. In the case of snowbaz, this means that Simon and Baz remain the same, but suddenly they have boobs and more feminine features, so that must mean they’re now women. While really, if you want to represent snowbaz with more feminine features, it doesn’t instantly have to mean that they’re now women, and being a woman doesn’t mean you need any kind of feminine features. It basically treats sex and gender the same, when they’re not. Genderbending also often treats gender like it’s binary, which it isn’t. For a bunch of the trans people we talked to, this is something that they consider quite harmful, not only to themselves but also to the way it inspires you to look at the concept of gender.

Besides that, there are times where genderbending gets used to explore a certain concept, such as: having one of the characters able to become pregnant, when really you can also avoid using genderbending here by using a trans headcanon/au for such a thing. The idea that the only way for you to explore these concepts with a mlm ship is having them turn into cis women comes across as both excluding the mlm and trans experience. So there are trans people who prefer if you use a trans au or trans headcanon instead of genderbending in these cases (here it is also preferred that you then have a trans person look at your work before you post it!). With this we do also want to note that not necessarily everyone trans person we spoke to experience trans au/hcs as something positive, and actually actively avoid them.

Now that we’ve spoken about the views against genderbending, there are still other trans people we talked to who don’t have an issue with genderbending. Their views on it with snowbaz are that when you have a ship that canonically consists of two cis men, it makes sense that people would have them be cis women when applying genderbending. (Also, not always everyone makes them cis women when doing a genderbend). The people that didn’t see an issue with genderbending generally came from the standpoint that people’s intentions behind genderbending are completely innocent and not done with the thought in mind that sex=gender, and that is enough for them to not feel hurt by it.

A thing that was also brought up here is that genderbending in this fandom is often used by wlw people to find a way to represent/express themselves in a fandom they love. The people who are in favor of genderbending see this as a very valid reason to keep genderbending around. If it has a positive influence on someone, and isn’t done with the idea in mind that sex and gender are the same, they don’t see why genderbending should be seen as a bad thing.

With this we also want to note that not all wlw are the biggest fan of genderbending. There’s definitely plenty that use fem!snowbaz as a way to see themselves represented, and for them it’s a very positive thing. There are, however, also wlw around who’ve spoken up against it. They see turning a mlm into a wlw ship by genderbending as a very objectifying way to look at a wlw couple. They don’t consider a mlm that now looks like wlw actual wlw representation. They often feel like it comes across very feishising and it makes them uncomfortable. So saying that it’s something positive for all wlw in this fandom is definitely an incorrect way of looking at it, but it is still also a positive thing for quite a number of them.

This shows how polarising the concept of genderbending is, and it’s really not in our interest to tell you what side to pick. We hope that you take in these views and use them to educate yourself on the topic. We hope you put in the effort to understand the different takes on it and then decide where you land. We want to at least make sure that your decisions around genderbending don’t come from a place of ignorance.

We also want to ask everyone to always tag genderbending if you do decide to post anything with genderbending. This way the people who are really hurt by it can at least avoid having to see it by blacklisting it.

This about sums up what we’ve been talking about with the people who reached out to us. We really hope everyone will use this to open their minds to different views on these topics. Since everyone's opinions on these topics seem influenced by personal views and experiences, we really cannot ask you to decide for others what’s right and wrong, and so we ask you to reflect on yourself and your own views instead.

We really want to thank @nonbaznary, @krisrix and others who will remain anonymous for taking part in this conversation! You were all super helpful and patient!

Both @nonbaznary and @krisrix told us that they were open to talk to people who still have questions surrounding these topics. Both of them represent different views, and thus will be able to give you different answers. (Please, if you decide to contact them, be kind to them and actually make an effort to listen to them. They’ve been nothing but helpful in all of this. Treat them well, this is something that can take a lot of energy out of a person)

@nonbaznary also mentioned that if anyone is ever looking for a trans person to look at your work before you post it, they’d be open to doing that for you, so you can contact them for that as well.

We hope that the actions that were taken here will help everyone feel a little more at home in this fandom, even though the solution is such a vague one.

Much love, The admins of the Carry On Countdown of 2020

#carry on countdown #coc 2020 #carry on #carry on fandom #simon snow series #snowbaz #discourse

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bthump · 4 years ago

Note

hello, i just recently read berserk and i am absolutely blown away. im so glad to have found your blog, you have made a lot of in depth analyses on griffguts and honestly i have a lot of trouble comprehending griffith's and gut's relationship and feelings toward each other post-eclipse but i feel like you clarified a lot of things for me and im so grateful! i also wanna ask smth in regards to guts and casca but character limit soon so ill do it in another ask. just wanna say i appreciate you!

idk if its just me being ridiculously biased but i cant rly see the guts/casca ship? like i can tolerate it because i feel like it was written to move the plot in a certain direction/character development and not for the sake of romance but i always feel like guts was just... there. i mean when you compare the way he thinks abt griffith to casca in the golden age arc, he obviously reveres griffith so much, and casca is just... there. i really enjoyed their moments and thought they were cute but

with the sex scene i always just saw it as them coping. i did like it in how it explored guts's sexual trauma and it mostly seemed like guts and casca were friends doing it for the sake of coping rather than out of love and desire for each other. not to mention judeau who kept trying to push them together... but then post-eclipse, it seems like guts is so in love w/ her and thats why hes heartbroken, and not bc they were close friends and that he just cares for her as a fellow hawk member

idk maybe im missing something, i would love to be enlightened bc i rly scratch my head when i see people describing it as an amazing love story and a romantic ship when to me it comes off as less like trying to portray a passionate love b/w two characters and more as, this is necessary for guts's character development and motivation in regards to griffith. esp when i feel like guts and griffith's feelings for each other are just so intense, even if its more "subtle" than an outright sex scene

thank you so much! I'm v glad my blog helped clarify some stuff about the story for you, I appreciate you letting me know <3

well if you want to be enlightened about how Guts and Casca is actually super romantic deep down you've come to the wrong place lol because you've mostly described how I feel about their relationship.

I completely agree that during the Golden Age their relationship felt very much like two friends hooking up. The fact that Judeau had to push them into it seems really telling to me, there are strong indications that they're both rebounding from Griffith, as soon as Griffith re-enters the picture they get weird and jealous, after they have sex Guts calls his sword all there is for him and invites Casca along in as non-committal a way as you can, Guts decides independent of Casca to stay with Griffith instead of leaving with her just as Casca decides the same, I also want to shoehorn in a link to this thing I wrote lol, etc.

And I actually don't see any difference after the Eclipse tbh. I actually wonder which translation you read, because I know at least one of the scanlations out there has Guts talk about how he loves her a few times post-Eclipse while the Dark Horse translation never does.

I think Guts' relationship with Casca after the Eclipse is largely based on obligation. It's actually kind of striking to me how unromantic it is.

Like during the Conviction arc he doesn't stop everything he's doing and decide to save Casca once he realizes she's in danger. He goes to check on her, finds her missing, then sits down in Godo's cave and debates with himself for two chapters before deciding to try to find her. And he only comes to this decision after comparing leaving Casca behind to leaving Griffith behind in the snow, and thinking of her as the last remnant of the Hawks ("this last feeble flame.")

I think to Guts she represents everything he threw away when he left the Hawks, and saving her is essentially a chance to better himself and try to make up for it. I don't think that's Guts' only motivation for saving her and then taking her to Elfhelm, I actually have a post here where I wrote a list of all the reasons I think Guts has if you're interested, but I do think it's the most important one.

And man after he saves her and returns her to Godo's, right before the Hill of Swords?

To me this excellent page - Casca mirroring a child, Griffith looking Like That, Guts' attention torn from Casca because Griffith looks Like That - just screams that Casca is Guts' responsibility while Griffith is Guts' desire. Whether that's revenge or latent attraction or probably both l b r, Griffith is the dude Guts wants to be pursuing and Casca is the person Guts is stuck with.

Even when he sexually assaults her it's all about Griffith lol, it's not even framed as, say, Guts being so attracted to her he can't help it or anything like that, it's framed as "do this and you'll get closer and closer to Griffith."

After learning her mind can be restored he potentially starts thinking about her more romantically, like there's subtext there when he watches Casca with Moonlight Boy on the beach, eg. And even that reads to me as Guts trying to distract himself from his "obsession" with Griffith.

I think Guts wanted to get back together with Casca after getting her sanity back for the same reason he had sex with her the first time - as a distraction from confusing and painful feelings. In the most recent chapters we saw that it didn’t work out and now he’s swinging his sword again, frustrated, wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do now, which in itself shows that he wasn’t trying to selflessly help Casca because he loves her, he mainly just needed something else to focus on while trying to kick his Griffith addiction.

SO yeah, basically ia that their relationship doesn’t seem romantic pre-Eclipse, but I also don’t think there’s much of a romantic element post-Eclipse either. I felt like it was fairly consistent throughout.

#ask #a #b #ship: gtsca #theme: revenge #theme: repression #character: guts

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xoruffitup · 4 years ago

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Sexuality In Neon Genesis Evangelion: Adolescence & Violence

(I’m literally 20 years late to the party here, but if anyone still cares for NGE metas, this hasn’t left me alone...!)

It takes only a few episodes into NGE to sense there’s some form of unrest beneath its surface. A palpable sense of unease and malcontent shadows the characters, seeping into the bleak cityscapes and following Shinji’s listless drift from one battle to the next - creating the unrelenting sense that this show has no intention to coddle or comfort you. Much will not be explained, or even directly addressed. Most of that unease you’re feeling as a viewer will be left for you yourself to decipher – probably in a manner uncomfortably and bracingly personal. I would call this a mark of artistry, in that the viewing experience becomes something deeply intimate and unique from person to person.

The obvious narrative explanation for all this dark ambiguity is the evocation of Shinji’s troubled psychological state. He mopes in his dark bedroom, rides the train alone with his headphones in and no destination, and accepts the role of Eva pilot only when his refusal would make him feel yet more despised. He is utterly directionless and thus helpless – caught in a paralysis between his pathological need for external affirmation and his crippling fear of being hurt. He craves kindness and care from others, but is both unwilling and unable to forge such positive connections with others because he presupposes doing so will cause pain. Therefore, he makes few self-motivated choices and rebukes all notion of the driven, intentional protagonist.

Shinji’s rejection of the traditional mantle of the hero’s journey, and his repeated regression into unassertive self-hatred also signals an unorthodox approach to storytelling - where the narrative flows around the inhibited, apathetic characters rather than through them. We as the viewers do not become invested in the narrative progression as an extension of Shinji’s own investment. Rather, a central part of the narrative becomes the self-aware exploration of its own impact upon Shinji and the wider cast of characters. Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and to a certain degree Misato and Ritsuko, do not determine the narrative direction through their own choices and thereby set events in motion; they are instead passive, reactionary presences drawn along by the provocations of seemingly inevitable series of events. (Angels attack – characters respond; Gendo or Seele give some unexplained order – characters react; Instrumentality begins – Shinji reacts)

As the curtain is finally drawn back from the human instrumentality project in the show’s final act, we realize Shinji was not simply whiny or poorly-written: His constant struggle between the fear of pain and need for intimacy is in fact the defining tension of the show as a whole. The “Hedgehog’s Dilemma.” This dilemma saturates each character’s personal trauma, fears, and desires, and finally elevates the characters’ internal reckoning in the face of instrumentality to create the show’s climax.

The show’s indirect yet masterful depiction of Shinji’s depression and undefined malaise is, in fact, keenly intentional and central to the story’s purpose. In a show defined by endlessly rich even if agonizing ambiguities and a narrative style that reveals itself only in subtlety, no minor detail is inconsequential. And so, I repeatedly found myself trying to discern the purpose of a recurring element that could be neither accidental nor innocuous. I am referring now to the show’s consistent and blatant preoccupation with the sexualization of its (female) characters and the infusion of sexuality into inter-character relationships.

The sexualizing and/or objectifying gaze is applied far too often to be anything but an intentional layer generating narrative meaning. In a show that elegantly weaves together psychological, religious, ethical, and technological allusions to construct a cutting inspection of the human psyche, this preoccupation is not a mere trope or “fanservice.” The recurrent reference to characters’ sexuality and their depiction as sexual objects cannot be a neutral or peripheral element of narrative meaning. Beyond the impossibility of this element being unintentional or divorced from the show’s narrative purpose, we are also obliged to make ourselves aware of the gendered lens through which this depiction of sexuality is filtered, and the power balance or imbalance this depiction enforces upon the characters involved. Consistent nudity to the point of fetishism and sexual inferences to the point of defining character cease to be superficial and become something pernicious.

Below, I will explore two different frameworks through which to interpret the show’s sexual overtones. The first framework – adolescence and the fear of adulthood – aligns with my initial response to the anime, while the second framework – sexual violence –reflects my more troubled response to the End of Evangelion film.

Framework 1: Shinji’s Adolescent Fears of Adulthood and Intimacy

Lest we forget, Shinji is only the tender age of 14. His internal struggle with self-worth and identity is exacerbated by its intersection with puberty and Shinji’s fraught understanding of his own budding sexuality. Shinji’s characterization of being highly dependent on the guidance and praise of his elders highlights both his adolescence and his own inability to confront his growth to adulthood. His unwillingness to navigate the perils of adulthood (as well as its corresponding sexual relationships) is probably evoked most clearly in his Episode 18 conversation with Kaji. After Kaji opines on men and women’s inability to understand each other – let alone themselves – Shinji merely replies dismissively, “I don’t understand adults at all.”

Given his 14-year-old perception of adulthood as something impenetrably mystical, it follows that his own budding sexuality acts as both a source of anxiety and a central aspect of his journey through adolescence. The often discussed parallels between Shinji’s relationship with Asuka and Misato’s relationship with Kaji further cements sex as something firmly belonging to adulthood; just as Asuka’s eagerness to present herself as sexually mature reflects her desire to appear independent and “grown.”

Coming to terms with one’s sexuality is of course a commonplace metaphor for the development from adolescence to adulthood. However, the characters’ understanding and comfort with their own sexualities also plays a key role in their internal reckonings and decisions which occur within instrumentality.

During his moments of metaphysical introspection, Shinji’s confrontation with his deepest fears repeatedly presents itself in the form of sexual temptation. We see him translate this need for external validation into unconscious sexualization and desire for the women around him. While fused with Unit 1 in Episode 20, Shinji is questioned by imagined specters of Misato, Rei, and Asuka. He reaches his breaking point when, after admitting he only pilots the Eva in hope of earning others’ praise, he cries out for someone to take care of him. After pleading, “someone be kind to me,” all three women appear to him naked, asking repeatedly, “Don’t you want to become one with me? In body and in soul?” In this imagined ordeal of self-examination, Shinji’s deepest, most fundamental need for approval and warmth from others is coded into the prospect of understanding and intimacy associated with sex. At a subconscious level, he perceives the offering of sexual union as the highest form of acceptance. Shinji therefore feels varying degrees of conflicted, guilt-ridden desire for the women around him, in the most primal form of his craving for acceptance.

In this scene, the offering of sexual intercourse is also a direct foreshadowing to the prospect of union with all during instrumentality, and either the acceptance or rejection of that union. In End of Evangelion, Shinji’s crucial choice during instrumentality is again presented in the same terms: Asuka, Rei, and Misato’s voices all asking “Do you want to become one with me, body and soul?” Shinji’s mix of attraction and repellence (for he fears intimacy as intensely as he craves it) when confronting this question indirectly depicts his struggle to decide between a solitary but self-defined existence, and the sacrifice of his autonomous self to total union. Thus, Shinji’s repressed desire for sexual intimacy becomes in and of itself a key facet of both his decision to ultimately reject instrumentality, and his conclusive creation of an independent and capable identity.

In line with my earlier reference to Asuka’s desire to appear sexually mature, the anime consistently uses sexuality as a means of revealing character - often probing at characters’ deepest vulnerabilities. Misato is likely the most direct example. It is through her sexual relationship with Kaji that she confronts her conflicted feelings towards her father and their profound impact on her. During instrumentality, she also admits she enjoys sex as an escape mechanism from pain and a way to prove she’s alive. She seems to perceive sex in the opposite perspective from Shinji – who on some level finds it threatening. This could be attributed firstly to Misato’s maturity in age and correlating comfort with her own sexuality. Secondly, this speaks to the show’s use of sexuality to build character in ways beyond Shinji’s troubled adolescent shame. The show’s focus on its characters’ sexuality can therefore be viewed as a means of prying into the inner conflicts they each seek to hide from the world. Note it is also through the reveal of Ritsuko’s sexual involvement with Gendo that we understand the reasons for her troubled relationship with her mother, her dedication to NERV, and her knowledge of its secrets.

Though sexuality is used as a sometimes literal, sometimes symbolic, but often effective vehicle to portray abstract concepts and internal, non-physical conflicts, this does not fully explain or justify the show’s gratuitous use of the male gaze. Though the depiction of sexuality often serves the purpose of character development, this depiction is exceedingly gendered. Though Shinji is shown naked, his nudity serves comedic effect (when he runs out from the bathroom in Misato’s apartment in Episode 2) or appears highly stylized (embracing Rei’s equally naked form in End of Evangelion). By contrast, Rei and Asuka’s bodies practically serve as set pieces. The pilot suits and contrived “camera” angles incessantly present their bodies as aesthetic objects for consumption.

Furthermore, early appearances by both female characters immediately define them as objects of sexual focus. The first time she appears, Asuka tells off Toji for looking up her skirt; Shinji ends up sprawled on top of Rei when she’s naked while first trying to get to know her in Episode 5. If we apply the interpretive framework of sexuality as a means of navigating adolescence, then it is exclusively Shinji’s journey towards adulthood with which the show shares its perspective and identification. It would therefore follow that Rei and Asuka serve merely as signposts or attractive obstacles along the path of Shinji’s development. Their bodies are exploited as tools through which to challenge and probe at Shinji’s psyche. While Shinji’s sexuality bestows him personhood and agency, Asuka and Rei’s often seem to do the opposite – instead reducing them to only the means towards Shinji’s end. Yet, even the justification that Rei and Asuka’s objectification may serve Shinji’s character development falls short, given that the girls are still depicted in a lewd and hyper-sexualized lens even when there’s nobody but us, the viewers, around to witness.

Using sexuality as a key vehicle to convey the male protagonist’s psychology creates an inherently gendered narrative – one in which a male protagonist acts out his conflict upon female bodies. This uneven and highly exploitative depiction warps what might have been an adolescent journey of self-discovery and growth into something far less constructive and much more unsettling.

Framework 2: Pervasive References to Sexual Violence

As I argued previously, Shinji’s repressed and conflicted sexuality can be viewed as a mirror of his character-defining struggle between the desire for love and the fear of pain. In this case, Shinji’s exploration and acceptance of his own sexuality becomes in and of itself a central element of his character development and, by extension, the show’s narrative resolution as a whole, given that the outcome of instrumentality rests on Shinji’s shoulders alone. It then becomes crucial that Shinji actualize his latent desire for sexual intimacy and ultimately master his own sexuality – as the chief expression of his internal development towards accepting his relationships with others and the co-dependent process of creating his own identity, self-worth, and reality.

In the abstract, this idea seems relatively healthy. However, the “Don’t you want to become one with me?” scenes and essentially all of End of Evangelion left me with a distinctly uncomfortable impression that couldn’t have been more different from that of a guileless adolescent navigating puberty. Seeing the “Don’t you want to become one with me?” question repeated to Shinji in the End of Evangelion context made me circle around one key question: Why is this imagined physical offering by the women in Shinji’s life presented as temptation? Why does the timing of this sequence reappear while Shinji is experiencing instrumentality? Or rather, why is the experience of instrumentality itself presented with the air of sexual temptation or seduction? This all culminates into the depiction of sexual desire for the female body as something needing to be tamed or conquered – given that it is only through Shinji’s repudiation of these offerings that he ultimately also rejects instrumentality. This supposition implies an adversarial relationship between Shinji and the object(s) of his sexual desire. This implicit hostility paints sexuality now as a struggle for control and/or dominance, rather than a source of self-discovery and growth.

I’ll note now that most of the observations and criticisms explored in this section speak almost exclusively to End of Evangelion. In my view, this implied hostility embedded into the exploration of sexuality is much more present in the film, whereas the show largely maintains sexuality as a means of fumbling adolescent growth and complex characterization. To frame what might be seen as an extreme interpretation, I’ll begin my closer reading of End of Evangelion with this Catharine MacKinnon quote:

“Once the veil is lifted, once relations between the sexes are seen as power relations, it becomes impossible to see as simply unintented, well-intentioned, or innocent the actions through which women are told every day what is expected and when they have crossed some line.”

The crucial dynamic supporting this darker interpretive framework – a dynamic much more palpable in End of Evangelion – is power relations. Referring back to my previous point wherein the persistent objectification of Asuka and Rei undermines their personhood to the same degree that it enhances Shinji’s – End of Evangelion takes this imbalance still further. Rei and Asuka’s sexualization not only serves Shinji’s development, but becomes the main stage upon which Shinji’s fight for self-determination plays out. This is to say that Shinji’s actions and key elements of the film’s narrative as a whole are acted out upon women’s bodies as both battleground and symbol. End of Evangelion resorts to a mode of storytelling that is explicitly gendered, portraying its conflict through a starkly male lens. Through the film’s imagery, brutality, and indulgence in the explicit, Shinji’s narrative is acted out through the depiction of women’s bodies as objects either with destructive power or being destroyed themselves; and as threats which much be conquered.

The Shinji we see in End of Evangelion experiences highs and lows far more extreme than his anime counterpart. EoE Shinji is shockingly depraved, powerless, and violent – in that order. His experiences in relation to the navigation of his sexuality take on a tone of violence and aggression. If he cannot act out his sexual impulses – if he cannot subdue the tormenting yet desired female body to the point that satisfies his desires (even if not always sexual in nature) – he resorts to violence to assert his will. During the kitchen scene within instrumentality, it is at the point when Asuka coldly rebuffs his pleading for her help that he first strangles her. Thinking back to the above quote re power relations – is this the “line” beyond accepted behavior where Asuka becomes deserving of male violence?

Violence takes many forms – all of them an embodiment of power relations. Yes, Shinji masturbating over Asuka’s stripped, unconscious form in the first scene is unequivocally an act of violence. No matter how “fucked up” and past sense Shinji may have been in that moment, he is still a man demeaning a woman and taking pleasure from the act – her inability to consent and even her comatose state all fueling male sexual gratification. Aside from the considerable shock value, this scene sets the tone of Shinji’s actions towards women throughout the film as relations of power and dominance. This scene further establishes repressed sexual desire and thwarted sexual frustration as the latent foundation of Shinji’s interactions with Asuka throughout the film; thus creating motivation and tension with the potential to drive him to further forms of violence.

In EoE, Shinji shares some type of sexual experience with all three women to whom he’s closest. First, his repulsive descent into depravity at the film’s very start. In this moment when he’s at his lowest, it is his most base and yet powerful instinct that takes over. He exacts pleasure, comfort, and distraction from Asuka’s body despite its fleetingness and her lack of consent. Second, Misato realizes that physical intimacy is the only thing that will get through to Shinji in his shell-shocked state. With a heated kiss, she delivers on the show’s hints of sexual interest between the two. Demonstrating just how well she understands Shinji, she promises him “We’ll do the rest when you get back,” knowing the promise of this ultimate physical act of approval and care is likely the only thing he will fight for. To put this in blunt terms: Shinji is promised sexual access to a woman whose praise he values, and this prospect of sexual fulfillment is what motivates him to finally enter Unit 1. While he isn’t imposing dominance over Misato here the same way he did to Asuka, this keeps with the film’s overall gendered perspective wherein Shinji’s triumphs or rare moments of purpose are marked by his access to women’s bodies.

Third, Shinji’s interactions with Rei/Rei-Lilith within instrumentality. It first must be noted that Rei is depicted naked for practically the whole movie. Sure, this might be necessary for the initiation of instrumentality, but it also serves to complete her objectification. I can by no means see it as mere coincidence that the advent of instrumentality and potential unleashing of the cataclysmic Third Impact is all represented by a giant, naked female form. What would be the greatest threat from the perspective of the male-gendered narrative? Precisely this – a female body that is overpowering, unconquerable, and unfathomable. By extension, I also don’t believe it’s coincidental that Shinji’s attainment of self-determination in his decision to reject instrumentality happens concurrently to his sexual union with Rei. She explains to him that no, he hasn’t died, “everything has just been joined into one.” This “joining” is depicted utterly literally, without any of the subtlety by which the anime presented sexuality as representative of total union within instrumentality. Thus, the resolution of Shinji’s character arc and the film’s climax as a whole occurs when Shinji finally attains fulfillment of the sexual desire he has harbored since the film’s beginning. The following shot of him and Rei naked with his head in her lap resolves the crisis of instrumentality with an unmistakable post-coital essence.

After these three encounters, we have the much-debated final scene of Shinji reuniting with Asuka after emerging from instrumentality. By this point, Shinji has taken advantage of her comatose body and strangled her, but she still has not shown herself amenable to his sexual desires as Misato and Rei have. She remains beyond his ability to either control or dominate. And so, while Rei’s giant, naked, and broken (read: conquered) body rests in pieces behind them, Shinji asserts his newfound will to attack the woman who has resisted his desire and refused the gratification he sought – both physically and emotionally.

This scene left me possibly even more disturbed than the film’s opening. To me, this ending implies that along with Shinji’s discovery of self-determination comes the male’s unfettered triumph following a struggle defined by sexual violence. In this final scene, we see the resistant woman subject to yet more violence at the hands of the protagonist – until at last, she no longer resists. In my view, this final scene was the occasion of Asuka’s capitulation. She is finally subdued to the point of acceptance and affectionate response even when being subjected to violence. She responds to Shinji’s aggression not with retaliation, but with a loving gesture. Her final words of “how disgusting” reminded me immediately of the hospital scene, and what Shinji had asked of her there: “Wake up, help me, call me an idiot like always.” Now, the man’s desire is at last satiated.

Beyond the narrative reliance on sexuality as a form of power relations, EoE also engages in gratuitous degradation of female bodies. They are either imbued with threatening, destructive power (Rei-Lilith), or experience destruction themselves (Asuka in Unit 2 and Rei-Lilith at the film’s end). Both Rei and Asuka’s bodies are subjected to extreme violence throughout the film, even while still being depicted as sexual objects. While suffering horrific, graphic injuries during her fight in Unit 2, Asuka is depicted writhing in agony in the entry plug with a disturbing sense of the erotic. After her body becomes the apocalyptic vehicle of instrumentality, Rei’s giant naked form is depicted crumbling to earth, stripped not only of her clothes but any sense of the human. Her split-open head rests beside the sea of LCL – a symbol of the male protagonist’s moral and psychological “victory.”

Framework 2: Counter-Arguments

Though I was disturbed by the rampant and dehumanizing sexualization in EoE, there were also plenty elements of the film I admired and remain deeply fascinated by. I don’t wish to seem overly disparaging, so I’ll briefly mention two counter-examples to this more critical framework.

1. Rei denying and rebuking Gendo and asserting her own will, while depicted as naked. It’s hard to overstate the enormity of Rei’s decision here. After existing as a seemingly unfeeling clone created for the purpose of realizing Gendo’s desires, Rei brings his plans to a crashing halt right at the pinnacle moment. The scene metaphorically traveled from 0-100 very quickly. It began with the insinuation of Gendo joining with Rei in a vaguely sexual sense, and his hand sinking into her breast in an unconventional bodily invasion while she showed discomfort. But then she asserts, “I am not your doll.” Her nakedness seems transformed from vulnerability to power. She is no longer the passive instrument of a man’s realization of his desires. Instead, she asserts her personhood and makes the individual decision how to employ the power within her. In so doing, she decides not only her own fate, but practically that of the whole world.

2. Shinji and Kaworu’s dynamic could be seen as refuting a binary reading of gendered power relations. Taking Shinji for bisexual has the potential to revise my interpretation from ‘Shinji subconsciously desires sexual access and control over women’ to ‘Shinji subconsciously desires sex and control’ period, without the emphasis on women as the subjects of his struggle. If this gendered binary is removed, then his growth and self-actualization need not come at the expense of the female characters around him. Extending Shinji’s repressed sexuality to encompass desire for Kaworu also alleviates the connotations of dominance and confrontation embedded within heterosexual sexuality.

Writing all this out was largely my personal means of resolving the million jumbled thoughts in my head after finally diving into this stunning masterpiece of a show. I’ll say again - what makes this show such a timeless work of brilliance is its highly personal resonance in the minds of its viewers. In the end, it isn’t a story about robots, aliens, or even sex at all – it’s a self-reflective act forcing you to wake up and confront your own role in creating the very reality in which you live. What kind of world have you made for yourself? Have you trapped yourself in confinement of your own making, or have you imagined every possible version of your world and liberated all the possibilities hidden in your creation of self? Evangelion can mean something different to every one, and no single interpretation is more correct than any others. So that said – a hearty thank you to anyone who actually read all the way here, and I’m always eager for discussion! :)

#Neon Genesis Evangelion #Evangelion #End of Evangelion #NGE #Evangelion meta #Evangelion analysis

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whump-town · 4 years ago

Text

If The Lord Don’t Forgive Me

Bi!Hotch returns

I brought Charlie around for round two because sometimes you just need sweet, wholesome gay love. And it’s sweet baby (okay sweet like sour gummy worms but it is sweet and, hey, I cut the whump out just to keep it that way so you’re welcome)

There is cussing, the slight implication to sex (but not graphic and far more like “men sometimes have sex”), homophobia (I know, I know why can’t I let them live in peace?? but I have to get something out of this too and I LOVE angst), child abuse (ugh... :( sorry Hotch but if you’re showing that pretty face in a fic, I’m gonna bring up the fact that your dad hit you...), and probably something else but I doubt it’s that bad

Anyways-- cut to the gay shit but let me hit it off with some “Work Song” by Hozier because... I’m the author and I can do what I want

My baby never fret none About what my hands and my body done If the Lord don't forgive me I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

Despite it only being eight o’clock in the morning, Aaron Hotchner feels today has aged him immensely.

The morning started with Emily knocking over an entire bookshelf. The decision to move her into his apartment was stupid and on a whim but he’s never truly felt the consequences of that until today. Which is good considering she’s been living there for nearly three years (straight from “dead” in London to living in his house) but that is not where the focus should be placed. No, it should be placed on the fact that the crash caused him to jump. A normal, knee jerk reaction but not good when in the middle of shaving.

So, he’d come running out of the bathroom-- face stinging because he’s just jerked a razor across it-- to find the living room in shambles. Emily standing on the other side of the room looking to the point of tears but only managing the barest morsel of containment and Jack, school clothes covered in milk from his cereal, lower lip trembling, and little fist clenched for some semblance of control over the tears pouring down his face.

Standing there, the three of them each taking each other in, had felt surreal. Bit by bit, they all came together. Emily wiped her nose and rubbed the tear that fell off her face. She went to get him a band-aid and he went to Jack. That setback was only a step in the wrong direction.

Truthfully, that old bookshelf needed replacement about twenty-years ago when he built it. Its bitter fall was only a matter of time and he has yet to mourn it. The mess of the shelf was easy to clean up. He’d need to take the larger pieces to a dump or ask Morgan if he knows what to do with it. The books just got stacked on the floor and the wood splinters swept up and Jack advised to stay away from there until he or Emily could really go at it a little better and make sure there was nothing left.

The hard things came afterward.

Fighting with Jack to wear other clothes. He’d picked his current milk-soaked clothes out and Jack is reliant on a schedule. Changing clothes is a deviation and no matter how patient Hotch had tried to be, he was finding it hard to keep his cool. So he’d caved rather than lose his temper over something as simple as a second grader’s clothes. So, Jack went to school today in green overalls and blue rain boots that are a little too big. He’d looked silly but he’s seven so it’s technically still cute for him to do.

As for the nice cut he’d dug into his jaw, Emily had come to inform him that the only band-aids in the house are scooby doo. So, he has wood splinters in his living room, blood all over his shirt, Jack in poorly matching clothes, and a fucking scooby doo Band-Aid on his face.

Coffee is the only thing he knows can fix this.

“Uhm--” Leave it for today to also be the day he is confronted head-on with the very repressed sexual attraction he feels for men. “Can I--” his palms are embarrassingly damp. “Can I just get a-- a large black coffee?” The muscle in his forearm flexes and he can’t really force his fingers to grasp his wallet.

The man in question raises his eyebrow but takes the order. “Alrighty,” he answers. “Do you want creamer? Sugar?”

Hotch can feel his throat tightening in and his face heating up. Thank God he’s never been the type to flush visibly or else he’d be in some trouble. He forces his eyes on to the nametag pinned to the apron over the other man’s chest. Charlie, it reads. Hotch glances back up. “Yes-- Yes, please.” If he were a blusher, he’d be beet red.

Charlie smirks at the stammered manners. It’s cute. “You got a name, suit?”

“Ho--Hotch.”

Charlie raises an eyebrow at that but he’s not going to comment. It’s unprofessional and Hotch is more than likely a nickname. He lets it go. “Hotch” comes in enough that Charlie gets used to the strange nickname but to the staff of his shop he refers to the cute stuttering agent as “suit” and it’s easy to understand why.

“A-- A date?”

Charlie is gay but he’s not sure what “suit”/”Hotch” is. He’s thinking at least a little curious because getting the poor man into a stuttering puddle of anxiety and stammering is as simple as deviating from their typical “cream and sugar” discourse.

Charlie smirks, he thinks the stammering is cute. “Suit” is such a composed guy that it is cute. “Well, yeah. Unless the terminology has changed, yeah, suit, a date.”

Hotch’s throat feels impossibly tight. He’s aware of Charlie, very aware of him and his jaw and how hard the pads of his hands are and-- “I’m--” I’m not gay “Ugh, wh-when?”

Oh. Well, he wasn’t expecting it to be that easy. “Hmm, good question. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” Charlie sucks his lip into his mouth, thinking. He snaps his fingers with a sudden idea. He bites the Sharpie’s lid off (the one he uses to write names on the cups) and hurriedly scribbles something on a napkin. “Here’s my number. Text me and we can work that out.”

That was… months ago.

Things have been steady. Good.

Pulling in a deep breath, Aaron Hotchner plunges his head under the luke-warm water of his bathtub. Goosebumps have broken out across his skin but the cold kills the ache in his overworked muscles. Besides, he’s entirely too distracted by two things: (1) he’s too fucking big to fit comfortably in this bathtub. Knees bent, his thighs are out of the water making this bath entirely useless. (2) The very unnervingly attractive coffee shop barista who’s shop he goes to, all the time. Who just so happens to be on his way over right now, for dinner.

“Wow.”

Startled by the sound, Hotch jerks and gets a mouthful of water and suds. Coughing and pulling at his burning nose, Hotch scowls at the intruder. None other than Emily Prentiss standing at the side of the tub, one hand on her hip, and the other extending a towel to him. “Emily!”

She raises an eyebrow of indifference as if he’s the one acting oddly. “You can hold your breath for an impressive amount of time,” she says. She moves the towel in front of him, trying to get him to take it from her. He won’t move his hands from where he’s placed them over his groin.

“Emily, get out!”

“Why are you making this a big deal?” she groans, rolling her eyes. “Hotch I have seen you naked!.” She puts the towel near the edge, where he can reach it without it falling into the water or to the floor. She makes a show of planting her hand over her eyes and turning her back. “Such a baby,” she mumbles. “What is the big deal?”

He ignores her.

She hears the water moving with him as he stands, large splashes as he disturbs the surface. “You’re welcome by the way,” she mumbles. She’d thrown the towel in the dryer so it would be warm for when he got out. Contrary to his dramatics, she does love him. He’s her friend and in the same ways that he takes care of her, she makes sure someone takes care of him. “Besides,” she says, turning around despite his disapproving huff of a sigh. “I came to tell you Charlie is here.”

Hotch freezes. Ah… that’s why she’d come in. That deer in the headlights look that she doesn’t see nearly enough of. It’s silly, if not endearing, that Hotch gets so nervous for these dates. Charlie is pretty clearly head over heels for him and it’s a little surprising. Charlie all bright and cheery, a hard extravert. Perfect, always early to their dates, Charlie.

“He’s early,” Hotch stammers.

Emily nods. The date is at seven-thirty and it’s not quite six. “He knows,” she informs him, settling her hips back against the sink. She’s not watching him throw on his boxers but she’s just… standing there, talking as he drops the towel and makes quick work of drying himself off and pulling his legs into pants. “He also knows you’re in the bath so don’t go breaking your neck. I don’t want to tell your seven-foot-tall, beefcake of a boyfriend that you’ve managed to kill yourself in here.”

Hotch huffs, rolling his eyes. It would be just his luck that he breaks his neck in here while buck ass naked, with Charlie in the living room no doubt. Though, that is a bit of a ridiculous thought to care about. Here Emily is standing, casually watching him pull jeans over his boxers, having already seen him in his full glory. Charlie, even, has seen all of what he has to offer. He’s spent the majority of his life in the company of Jessica. She’s seen him in hospital gowns, bare assed which is strangely humiliating (and there’s the bonus of the repressed memories of Jessica catching him and Haley multiple times).

They’ve all seen him naked but that’s still not something he wants to deal with.

“You really do look strange in jeans,” Emily informs him as he’s shrugging on his shirt. Charlie had warned him against his more traditional polo. Evidently, he’d look like a “stiff” if he chose to wear a polo to the park. He shoots her a glare but it’s true. No matter how many times she sees him in regular clothes… she just can’t get used to it.

Charlie isn’t mean to him when he wears jeans though.

“There you are,” Charlie greets when Hotch steps out of the bathroom. The strange, beautiful thing about Charlie is that he doesn’t really care that Hotch’s life is crazy. He’d been unsettled by the grisly things that seem to occur so brutally to Hotch but he was quick, startlingly so, to remind Hotch that none of what Charlie had just been told sounded like it was Hotch’s fault. Despite Hotch’s swayed narration.

He’d thought it might be a bit strange to have Emily living in his apartment but Charlie also knew about the details leading up to that decision. The loss of Haley putting a strain on Jack’s independence and pattern of life. Being a single parent and a federal agent pulling Hotch every which way. Haley’s father, Roy, falling ill and commanding more of Jessica’s attention. Then, the fateful fall out with Ian Doyle, Emily moving to London, and the internal bleeding that had almost killed Hotch.

The last of which had been the end all be all. Emily came home and she found herself drawn back here by the less than stellar track record of her family. The abrupt decision landed her here, with Hotch, and it’s been beneficial for everyone involved.

Charlie feels a little safer knowing that when he has to go back to his own apartment, Hotch has his own apartment full of Jack and Emily waiting up for him. Even though he’s only been with Hotch a short while, he’s becoming more and more aware of the trouble that seems to follow his partner.

“Your hair is still wet!” Charlie kisses Hotch, fingers slipping easily through the soaked hair at the back of his head. “I won’t take you out in the cold until you’ve dried it. The last thing I need is you getting sick on me.”

Jack nods seriously hearing this. He’s seated beside Charlie on the couch, the two having been discussing superhero comics. It was turning into an argument when Hotch had come out (who would win between Batman and Ironman-- Charlie says Ironman and Jack Batman). “You can’t get sick,” Jack informs him firmly. “You promised you’d make pancakes for breakfast Saturday.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow, shaking his head. “All I’m good for to you people is my cooking skills.”

Charlie sucks in a breath, making a I don’t know about that, sort of face. “Just your pancakes, Aaron.” Charlie pats Hotch’s thigh the opposite of tender just downright taunting. “I love you but you can not cook or bake. You literally burn everything.”

The chorus of grunted seconding of that statement behind him feels like a betrayal but he really is bad at cooking. And math. And remembering general the most basic things. So, true but hey! “I’m going to go dry my hair,” Hotch announces, shaking his head. Sure, laugh it up now. They all need him. It’s funny now… brats.

“Get some gloves! There’s a wind chill!”

Emily huffs a laugh and Hotch turns around to catch it. He smirks at the sight of his living room, melancholy swelling in his throat. His family genuinely looks like his lesbian best friend, his ex-wife’s older sister, his son, and his 6’5 ex-college football player turned coffee shop owner boyfriend. It’s a little crazy and yet… comforting because at eighteen when he’d packed up his meager belongings to go to college, he didn’t think he was capable of having any of this.

As Charlie pulls him out the door-- hair dry-- Jack’s actively talking to them both. Something pointless but childish and so, by reason, very important. Emily’s reaching into his jacket and stuffing a pair of gloves into his pocket, throwing a scarf at his head. Jessica’s calling after them too and as soon as the door shuts Hotch pulls in a deep breath.

“They’re smothering,” Charlie informs him as they step off the porch. He offers his hand out to Hotch, scowling down at the icy steps.

Hotch hums in agreeance taking Charlie’s hand out of necessity for touch not help. “You’ll get used to it.” The implication of his statement comes to hit him centerfold but Charlie seems unaffected and Hotch is reminded that not even ten minutes Charlie had said that he loved him. “I love you but you can not cook or bake. You literally burn everything.”

I love you. I love you. I love you.

“Aaron? Did you hear me?”

Hotch blinks stupidly, looking up, and shaking his head. “No,” he mumbles regretfully.

Charlie shrugs it off. “I asked if you were hungry, yet.” Though a year is not altogether that much time, especially when compared to their ages, Charlie would like to think he has an understanding of Aaron. He does know that for certain, actually. He squeezes Aaron’s hand within his own and smiles over at him. He’s got layers, Aaron, and you have to pay a price to understand each and every one.

Somehow, that enchants Charlie. He loves it. There’s nothing he wouldn’t give up to have another layer.

“No need to pretend to be,” Charlie explains as they separate to get into his car. “You either or you aren’t. I just wondered if you wanted dinner now or after the walk.” Charlie wants his opinion. He desperately wants to understand what is going on in Aaron’s head. The thoughts he has when he gets silent like this, his restless fingers digging and rubbing.

Hotch hums, reflexively drawing his arms to his chest after he buckles himself into the car. He fidgets anxiously as he tries to figure out the correct answer. What it is that Charlie wants to hear. Charlie likes to eat early, that’s something he’s noticed. However, if Charlie’s asking him then maybe he doesn’t want to eat early. Would Charlie be hungrier after a walk? If they eat now it’ll be cold outside by the time they can get to the park. Then Charlie’s going to be mad at him because it’ll be his fault for having chosen to eat early and go to the park late. Maybe then Charlie will finally realize how stupid this whole relationship is, that he can do better, someone who isn’t like him, and--

“Hey.” Charlie doesn’t reach out and touch him. That’s a lesson he’s learned over the last few months. Hotch doesn’t mind physical touch but he’s easily unnerved by it when he doesn’t know it’s coming. Considering how lost in thought he just was, there is no way he would have seen it coming. “We can just go after, okay?”

Hotch immediately calms, “okay.” His shoulders fall from where he’d slowly, stiffly brought them up. He nods his head, looking down to his lap, while Charlie drives. He has to calm down.

He looks over, catching Charlie’s smooth movement. His arm is on the center console, palm up in a common gesture waiting for Aaron to take his hand. He blinks for a moment, mind slowly turning over exactly what this is. Glancing at Charlie, Hotch slowly lifts his hand up and shyly slots his fingers between his. Smiling when Charlie doesn’t even react much more than a pleased grin.

Oh, he thinks calmly. He likes holding Charlie’s hand. He likes Charlie. The way that he just fills the silence without ever expecting Hotch to return the vigor. Simply requiring Hotch remain engaged with the occasional hum of understanding or scowl of confusion. And Hotch loves that so much more-- that he never has to find the words to explain that he doesn’t understand. Charlie just knows.

“You can’t.”

Charlie frowns, turning to glance at Hotch. “What do you mean?” That’s where the compensation occurs-- Charlie is awful at remembering things. He forgets his dry cleaning, appointments that he set up, holidays, birthdays, weekend plans-- everything. Hotch seems to forget nothing.

Hotch looks out the window of the passenger side, feeling the cold seeping in from the door, but docile and contently closes his eyes to narrow his attention to Charlie’s thumb rubbing lazy patterns on the back of his hand. “On the twenty-third you have interviews for waiters. Your morning, at the very least, is packed.”

Charlies frowns, well shit. “You know,” he says, giving Hotch’s hand a little squeeze. “If you just came to work with me, I wouldn’t have to have those interviews. It would fix so many of both of our problems.”

Hotch turns his head, smirking at Charlie. Not true. It would fix some of their issues-- how much time Hotch’s job steals from them, Charlie’s need for more staff. However, Charlie just wants him working there because Charlie thinks Hotch would look hot in the apron (actually, he knows Hotch is hot in the apron).

They arrive at the park and the two get out. Charlie immediately regrets coming out in this weather.

The grass crunches under Hotch’s feet but he enjoys the way the snow muffles so much of the noise around them. Leaving nothing but the few courageous birds watching them from their perches. It’s a safety Hotch finds entirely enrapturing. Enough to not mind the cold at all and how Charlie’s been fussing with his own clothes since they set off.

Hotch is just walking along. His hands are cold but not enough to ache and with Charlie’s covering the majority of his right hand, he can slip the left into his pocket. It’s not until Charlie squeezes his hand to get his attention that they stop, that Hotch pulls his attention to his partner and away from the scenery.

Charlie pulls him by the lapels of his dark jacket, turning him so that they’re standing facing one another. The toes of their shoes bumping together. “Come here,” Charlie instructs, words a cloud of condensation around them. He wastes no time in pulling the hat off of his own head to pull it down over Hotch’s. Smiling when it smushes his overgrown bangs against his forehead. “I don’t want you getting an ear infection out here. Gotta keep you healthy.”

Hotch shyly grins, looking down at the ground, “I’ll be okay.” He still turns his cheek into Charlie’s palm, letting him wrap that hand around the back of his neck, turning his chin up to kiss him. His lips are cold and the tip of his nose feels frozen. “It’s not that cold.”

Charlie shrugs and Hotch doesn’t pull the hat off.

“You outta be disgusted by yourselves.”

Hotch flinches, recoiling from Charlie and bowing his head rather than to look up and see who it is shouting at them. But Charlie is not new to this little game and he straightens his back and raises a questioning brow. “Oh? Should we?” He glares down at the woman on the track, it’s clear she’d been running before she decided to come nosing her way into their business. “I’d appreciate it if you left us alone, ma’am. We aren’t hurting anyone.”

She scoffs.

Charlie stands still, unwavering. They’re big men. Hotch may be a force to be reckoned with but Charlie is not, by any means, small. They’re the same height and the woman in question is a petite blonde. They’re intimidating. She rolls her eyes, shaking her head disgusted but stalks off. Whispering under her breath about hell and how their time will come.

“What a hag,” Charlie grumbles, rolling his eyes and reaching down between them to take Hotch’s hand. He steps to move on but he feels the resistance in Aaron. His hand now loosely holding on to Charlie, fingers lightly hooked together. “Aaron--”

Hotch forces himself to take a steadying breath-- drop his shoulders, unclench his jaw, inhale slowly. His eyes peel up off of the ground and he knows he hasn’t moved fast enough. Creases of worry have broken up Charlie’s handsome face, tension that doesn’t belong there. “I--”

Charlie shakes his head, discouraging Hotch’s lame excuse. “What she said…” Charlie can’t tell Hotch that what she said shouldn’t affect him. That he should brush it off and not worry about what a small minded bitch has to say about them but that’s not fair. None of this ever really is. Not when it comes to Aaron. “She doesn’t matter, Aaron. You. You matter to me, okay?”

Hotch furrows his brows, letting out an aggravated puff of air as he fails to work through the shame burning his chest.

Charlie looks around them, tapping his fingers as he contemplates what he should do. “Do you--” How, in all of Virginia did he manage to get the one DILF, Unit Chief with the inability to make a decision or admit what he needs? He means it fondly, of course, but sometimes he’d like to lovingly shake some sense into this man.

Taking a calming moment, Charlie knows that his ability to play out this next scene is vital to his afternoon. If Aaron detects even a fraction of impatience, anger, or frustration he’ll shut down and then Charlie is going to have to spend days if not weeks working Aaron back to where he is now.

“It’s cold out here,” he states calmly. Aaron glances at him, sniffling and rubbing at his wind burned nose. “I’m hungry, I-- I forgot my lunch at home this morning.” Even though Aaron bought him a bright, hunter’s orange lunch box that sits painfully on his kitchen counter so that he has to see it. “What do you say we turn back for the car and surprise Jack with an early return? Order pizza? Watch some Scooby Doo?”

Aaron sniffles again, glancing at Charlie and then to the path they’re clearly meant to be headed on. “But…” he clears his throat. He can’t stand being like this. The anxious partner. The fucked up partner. He was with Haley. Now he is with Charlie. And, well, everyone knows how Haley played out. “You-- You wanted to walk.”

Charlie shakes his head, smiling and playfully poking Hotch’s chest. “No, I want to spend time with you.” Though he’s terrified Aaron will recoil from it, he makes the careful decision to touch him. Smiling when Aaron just looks back at him, searching for something but Charlie isn’t mad so Aaron won’t find what he’s looking for. He strokes Aaron cheek, “I’m cold. You’re cold. We can walk if you want but…”

Hotch looks back down the trail and shakes his head. No, he doesn’t want to walk.

Charlie feels pretty proud of himself. He’s pretty good at this.

And Jack is thrilled to have them back.

Hotch feigns hurt when Jack runs straight past him to Charlie. “Am I chopped liver?” But his light, fluttering chest betrays him and he can’t help a soft smirk as Jack holds Charlie’s hand. Charlie nodding, listening to Jack as he kicks his shoes off.

Emily appears at the mouth of the hall, frowning at the sight before her. She’s in different clothes from when they left. One of her dating apps having finally come through and delivered her plans for this lovely evening. She was just about to call Hotch to tell him she was going to have to call Jessica to watch Jack. “What are you doing back?”

Before Hotch can overthink the question Charlie smirks and motions over his shoulder, “it’s like ten degrees out there. Way too cold for a walk, don’t know what I was thinking.”

Good enough excuse for Emily, she doesn’t care. She has other things on her mind. “I have a date.” Both Aaron and Charlie look surprised. Which is annoying but she won’t engage them in conversation because she’s better than that. “So, I will be out of your hair this afternoon.”

Well, kind of. She steals some of their pizza before she leaves. Even sits down for an episode of Scooby Doo before her date texts and says she’s ready.

“Well, boys,” she leans down and kisses the top of Jack’s head. Wishing him a good night and a whisper to make sure he’s extra good for his father when Hotch puts him down tonight. “I’m off. I will see you in the morning.” She offers Charlie a cordial head nod and Hotch gets his hair messed with as she passes.

“Be careful,” Hotch calls as she shuts the door.

It doesn’t take long for Jack to fall asleep and Hotch can feel himself slipping with Charlie leaning against him, his hand on the inside of Hotch’s thigh. Warm and comfortable, he doesn’t want to get up. But he manages to get Jack to bed with minimal fighting-- they agree to keep his nightlight, the hall light, and the bathroom light on. Emily even sends a text to confirm that she hasn’t been murdered by her date, he rolls his eyes but appreciates the sentiment.

It’s a good night, all things considered.

For a while, at least.

He’s in bed. Boxers shifted low on his hips as lays atop his beaten, threadbare comforter. The thick, heavy heat of an August night settling thickly over his bones. A blanket of sweat shining on his chest, just barely visible from the light of the hallway peaking into his cracked door. Downstairs, his parents roar on. He can make out every word spoken but if he hums just enough and presses his fingers into the thin mattress until it hurts he can numb out the world.

Nothing.

He thinks about Scott from his biology class. His booming laughter, already having hit his growth spurt and though only sixteen standing over them all in a man’s body. Thick with muscles that Aaron had felt when Scott had pulled him in for a tight, jovial bear hug. Perhaps he’d imagined it but for a split second Aaron had seen a flash of something-- warmth that he, himself, still can not name.

Closing his eyes, he brings back the heat of his stomach. A smile pulling at his lips as he thinks about how it felt pressed to Scott’s chest. Swallowed by the other’s boy’s body. The ache between his hips increases. It’s bad and it’s ugly but it’s Scott that he thinks about. It’s Scott that he wants.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Aaron scrambles upright, both hands planted on the bed as he scurries away from its edge and anywhere near where his father might be able to grab one of his frantically moving limbs. Still, a rough hand is thrown out and Aaron yelps in surprise as his body is yanked to the edge. He can’t hear the words being thrown at him, just looks at his drunken father screaming. Sees his mouth move but knows nothing of their meaning.

He’s wrenched up and out of bed, scrambling to keep up with the direction in which he’s pulled down the hall. To the large, cast iron clawfoot tub in the bathroom. He’s thrown chest first into it’s cold edge, his fingers wrapping tightly around the biting cold of the rim. He knows his fate long before his father’s broad hand grabs onto his hair and hauls him up just enough to push him down into the cold, soapy water.

His ringing ears hearing the slurs being thrown at him. Faggot. He screams as his father punches his exposed chest, causing him to gasp, the bubbles of air hitting his face. He’d used that word before. Thrown it at another boy the way rocks had been thrown at him for doing the same thing-- being too small, wearing weird clothes. He wonders exactly how it is that he can change because he tries. Good Lord, he tries so hard.

“Aaron.”

His vision blacks out for a moment and he’s lifted from the water. Everything feels strangely familiar. He can’t feel the cold water. Can’t feel the water dripping down his face.

“Aaron!”

He can’t expel the water in his throat. The hand on the back of his head tightens as water and his dinner come up, hot and wet against his chest as he’s moved mid-choke. His head goes under and he screams, grabbing frantically at his father’s hand on his head.

“Aaron--”

Screaming Aaron fights weakly against the hands touching him. It takes a moment for the uncoordinated sweeps of his arms to connect with nothing. For him to get a proper amount of space to breathe. The ringing numb of his ears slowly dies and he feels the world creeping back in around him. He blinks into the darkness, chest heaving First, the dull clicking of fan in the corner of the room. It sweeps left to right, pauses, and comes back right to left. Then the hobbling, swinging of the fan above him. Cold air.

He’s not there in that tiny, suffocating town. In that too-big house with too many places to be seen and not nearly enough to hide.

“You fucking scared me,” pants someone behind him.

A large hand plants itself between his shoulder blades, the bed dipping as weight is moved across it’s top. His body flinches but he’s only minutely aware of the physical movement and, slowly, the rest of him leans into the warmth of the palm. Tears swell as he turns over his shoulder, eyes closed, and going blindly where he knows arms will enclose him. Protect him. “Charlie,” he finally recognizes. His face finds the other man’s shoulder and he feels, rather than hears, the sob that leaves his grimacing lips.

Charlie wraps his arms around Hotch’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

Hotch gives himself over, leaning completely into him. Gently, Hotch feels Charlie moving parts of him to adjust them back onto the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?” Charlie lays back, pulling Hotch’s knee so his hips cant against Charlie’s. The inner side of Hotch’s thighs lies laying across his. There’s no need to open his eyes, to fight. He knows he’s safe.

His tears have slowed but there’s no denying something big has happened. Lately, Hotch has noticed Charlie pushing for him to open up more but Charlie and Hotch’s childhoods are nothing alike. It’s hard to tell him about the dozen times his father put him in the hospital, each time with a better story than the last, and always Hotch’s fault. Had the whole town believing Hotch to be some miscreant kid.

And he was bad but not the sense that was ever true. He’d smoked and drank but that was small-town stuff. Everyone gets into that sort of thing one way or another. He’d had sex but no one he and his partners knew about that, his male partners, anyhow. The first time he’d slept with Haley he’d been proud to have fallen for a woman.

There was an old run-down barn that he’d take boys out to. There was one wall, facing the woods, that was strong enough to support weight and you could lean up against it. He’d been caught only once and the old farmer had beaten him with the wooden end of a rake. The other boy had managed to run off. Hotch’s pants had pooled against around his ankles and the other boy hadn’t taken his completely off his hips. That was a mistake Hotch only made that one time. Not that it would have mattered.

After that day, everyone knew what he was.

Which is what bred his nightmare. Though, that night had gone nothing like his dream. He’d come home with welts and broken ribs from the beating that old farmer gave him. As soon as he opened the door, he knew what was waiting for him. It was from the first floor that his father had dragged him, by his hair, to the second floor. Where Sean’s dirty bathwater sat cooling all afternoon.

But Hotch won’t tell Charlie about that day. It’s not worth it. So he changes the subject. “We need to clean the sheets,” Hotch finally sniffles. His voice is rough from the night’s activities and he remembers what they’d done before he’d fallen asleep and knows that surely did not help. Under his left hip, there is dampness to the old cotton sheet, like something wet has been drying. Sheets probably should be replaced but these are the back-up sheets and the goods ones are in the dryer.

Charlie hums, a vibration that Hotch can feel all the way down to his toes. “That would be your mess,” Charlie informs him matter-of-factly. Pressing his lips to Hotch’s forehead. “I did try to clean you up if you recall.” Charlie’s fingers have wrapped protectively around Hotch’s body, thumb lazily rubbing back and forth over his bare hip. “You told me to fuck off so…”

He remembers. He was still sensitive, shaking with exertion, and hadn’t taken kindly to Charlie dragging a slightly too cold wash rag over his ass. First of all, it was way too wet and secondly, it was cold. What was he to do other than protest?

Charlie’s chest shifts underneath his head as he bends to look at the clock. Yawning deeply Charlie pulls the blankets back over them both, rubbing at Hotch’s hip. “Let’s get some sleep,” he mumbles around another yawn that manages to overtake his breath. “Don’t be afraid to wake me up,” Charlie mumbles. “I want you to wake me up, capeesh?”

Hotch closes his eyes and turns a little more into the warmth of Charlie’s body. Trying to think of nothing. To slow the rapid progressions of his thoughts. There is no way that this was a good idea. A relationship. A life. He brought Haley into his world and looked at what happened. He’s a swirling storm of trouble, sucking in the best parts of the world and ruining them. He’s a liar.

“I love you, Aaron,” Charlie whispers, straining his neck to kiss the top of Hotch’s head. His hand holds Aaron still against him. “I don’t want you to be lying here suffering afraid to talk to me.”

I love you. I love you. I love you. That’s not good. It can’t be. He’s not worth that. Charlie is great. He’s gentle and he’s kind and he’s loving and Hotch can’t even decide when they should eat. If a walk in the park is better than a movie.

“You have not tricked me.” He wonders how Charlie sees so clearly into his mind. It’s not mind reading, Charlie can feel his pounding heart and tense muscles. He’s always so tense. “I love you completely, entirely, enchantingly by choice.” Charlie sighs softly. Content. He wishes desperately to bring Aaron the same peace that Aaron brings him. It's a content, pleased sigh that leaves his mouth and that confuses Aaron so much. No louder than a whisper, seemingly more to himself than to Aaron Charlie whispers. “There are worse life sentences than to be tricked into falling in love with you.”

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #jack hotchner #bi!hotch #tw homophobia #tw child abuse #criminal minds fanfiction

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years ago

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Dr. Lauren Beach was 14 years old when she/they first came out as bisexual. Beach revealed the truth to friends and curious classmates at her/their suburban Michigan high school. The reactions varied, but not many were affirming.

"I experienced a lot of people who eroticized my attraction to femme people. It's like, 'oh, you're bi. That's so hot,'" says Beach, who has a Ph.D. in molecular, cellular, developmental biology and genetics.

Other friends asked Beach if she/they were doing it for attention. Beach says only three people, including Beach, at her/their school were openly out as queer. Instead of being embraced by them, Beach received flak for her/their sexuality.

"One of the other people there who was queer was like, 'You're a fence sitter! You're a switcher. You can't be trusted, you might date men after dating me," recalls Beach.

This kind of biphobia, which perpetuates stereotypes, hatred, and prejudices about bisexual people, is not uncommon — even (or sometimes especially) within the queer community. Stigma against bisexual people stems from a larger culture of homophobia, Rory Gory, digital marketing manager of the Trevor Project, an LGBTQ youth suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization, wrote in an email to Mashable.

"Since bisexuals often move between straight and queer spaces, they are subjected to both homophobia and biphobia," Gory explains.

Bisexual people make up a sizable population within the LGBTQ community, given more than 50 percent of queer people in America identify as bisexual, according to the Williams Institute. The think tank does research on sexual orientation and gender identity to ensure stereotypes don't influence laws, policies, and judicial decisions. To be clear, bisexuality means a person is attracted to more than one gender. It doesn't mean bisexual people are more sexually active than others or going through a phase (two common myths).

As a teenager, Beach bought into stereotypes about bi people. But now 22 years later, she/they are a professor at Northwestern University where she/they focus on the health of bisexual people and works to dispel myths about them. Additionally, Beach co-founded the Chicago Bisexual Health Task Force, a coalition that advances the heath equity of bisexual people.

Mashable spoke with Beach, and representatives from advocacy organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), GLAAD, and the Trevor Project to learn about the unique challenges bisexual people face and how to be an ally.

1. View bisexual people as individuals

It's easy to lump a single group together but resist that trap. Like anyone else, bisexual people are individuals and their personalities and preferences vary. As Beach says, "there's not one single experience of bisexuality."

For example, Beach is asexual or ace. This means Beach doesn't experience sexual attraction, but she/they are romantically attracted to people across the gender spectrum. One can be both asexual and bi, with some asexual people preferring to identify as biromantic. Although many asexual people are not interested in having sex, some may choose to engage in sexual activity; asexual people can have varied preferences and experiences. Beach's experience doesn't mean all bisexual people feel the same way.

Getting to know more bisexual people can help scrub away your pre-conceived notions. You could already have friends who are bisexual and not know it. Be open about your intentions to learn so you can tear down your misconceptions about bisexual people, Beach recommends.

"You'd be surprised by how many people are like 'Oh, I'm actually bi. Let's talk," says Beach. "From understanding the breadth of experience, you personalize people."

2. Challenge negative stereotypes

As you expand your knowledge about bisexual people, speak up when you hear people perpetuating harmful misperceptions. Sometimes we don't even know we've absorbed negative stereotypes if we're not informed, says Mackenzie Hart, coordinator of GLAAD's Media Institute, which advises media, television, and film professionals on accurate LGBTQ representation.

An easy way to interject when you hear a myth about bisexual people is to say, "Actually, that's not true, my friend who is bisexual does not fit that stereotype," suggests Hart. It can also help to arm yourself with accurate statistics to further back up what you're saying, says Madeleine Roberts, HRC's assistant press secretary. HRC is a helpful resource for these stats.

"Barsexual" is a hurtful label often used to demean bisexual people. It refers to the incorrect belief that bisexual people will only interact with certain genders when they are intoxicated, explains Hart. It upholds the myth that bisexual women are actually straight as it implies they only flirt or make out with women when drunk. It also contributes to bi erasure, which GLAAD says happens when "the existence or legitimacy of bisexuality (either in general or in regard to an individual) is questioned or denied outright."

You should also push back against the harmful stereotypes that bisexuals can't be trusted to commit to a relationship, says Gory. "Embrace bisexuals as valid members of the [LGBTQ] community, rather than referring to them as 'allies' of the community."

Additionally, you can be an ally by understanding certain words and promoting proper usage. For example, you can clarify the difference between bisexual and bi+. Bi+ is an umbrella term inclusive of people who are pan, queer, fluid, and those who don't prefer labels. Use the full acronym of LGBTQ rather than gay as an umbrella term for queer people, explains Roberts. By taking these steps, you can "create spaces where people are hearing these words," says Hart.

3. Healthcare providers need to educate themselves

One time, a clinician asked Beach how many sex partners she/they had.

"I was like, OK, what do you mean by sex?" says Beach. The practitioner questioned why Beach would ask this. Beach told the clinician she/they are bisexual and, therefore, needed clarification about what sexual behavior she was referring to.

"She got really uncomfortable and said 'deep vaginal penetration,'" says Beach. "She started off guessing. She said, "you seem like a nice girl. So what is it, like one or two people?"" says Beach. The provider then said, “So, what you’re saying is more than 30 or 40 people.”

"It shows how someone [in a healthcare setting] can make this jump based on biphobic stereotypes of what my sexual behavior would be,” explains Beach.

After that encounter, Beach never went back to that doctor. To this day, Beach doesn’t have a designated primary care provider.

“I have to work up the emotional energy to want to go put myself through that potential experience," Beach says about seeking out healthcare.

Beach's experience isn't uncommon. Biphobia may discourage bisexual people from going to the doctor, with 39 percent of bisexual men and 33 percent of bisexual women reporting that they didn't disclose their sexual orientation to any medical provider, according to a 2012 study by the Williams Institute. Comparably, 13 percent of gay men and 10 percent of lesbians did not share their sexual orientation with a doctor.

Providers shouldn't presume anyone's sexual behavior because they know their sexual identity, says Beach. Hart echoes this advice. A doctor once asked Hart, "Are you seeing anyone?" Hart said no. She then asked, "If you were seeing anyone, would you be seeing a woman, a man, either, or other?" It wasn't perfect, Hart says, but asking open-ended questions that are inclusive of gender nonconforming people made Hart comfortable enough to see her again.

"Even if you aren't sure of certain words... you can make it clear you aren't going to be judgmental and you understand there's a wide array of experiences," says Hart.

4. Uplift bisexual people of color

Roberts recommends following prominent bi+ people of color on social media such as singer and actor Janelle Monáe, NFL player Ryan Russell, writer and transgender rights activist Raquel Willis, and politician Andrea Jenkins to become familiar with their lives. The next step is to share their stories with your friends and family.

At last year's Academy Awards, actor Rami Malek won Best Actor for his portrayal of British singer Freddie Mercury. Malek described Mercury as gay during his acceptance speech but Mercury was actually bisexual. Willis called out the bi erasure in a tweet.

Of the four people Roberts listed, two (Willis and Jenkins) are transgender. Just like one can be asexual and bi, one can also be transgender and bi. In 2015, the National Center for Transgender Equality surveyed 27,715 transgender people from every state and D.C., U.S. territories, and U.S. military bases abroad and 14 percent of respondents described their sexual orientation as bisexual.

To ensure you're not erasing transgender bi+ people's identities, always use inclusive language like "siblings" instead of "brothers and sisters," says Roberts, when addressing people as if they're family. This guarantees you're not assuming every bi+ person (or anyone generally) identifies as either male or female.

Taking into account the role intersectionality plays in the lives of bi+ people is important — especially when you're looking to amplify their voices.

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lizacstuff · 4 years ago

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SCK / Edser asks - ep 31/32

Asks about episode 31, some discussion of 32 under the cut

Anonymous said: with the past two episodes, i realized, for me at least, it's not so much about it feeling disjointed (31 didn't really feel disjointed to me tbf) but about the lack of edser screentime. when we do have their scenes, they're good! but the last 2 eps haven't had a lot of it which is what's frustrating (more annoying to me than even selin believe it or not). the fragman for next week looks good though.. with serkan losing his shit more and more.. which can only mean good things for us! lol.

Yes, I agree with this. This episode was a lot less disjointed than 30. 30 felt weird. For 31, there wasn’t enough Edser, but I found it leaps and bounds easier to watch than the last two episodes. As for not enough Edser, I was wondering if that was partly about the short shooting week. For episode 31 they only shot 4 days, a couple of paps said that they did that to give Kerem 3 days off last week because his family was visiting from US/Canada. I don’t know if that’s true, but they follow him around so they pry know if the fam is in town or not. Perhaps in doing that, they had to rely more on the second unit and focus on other characters?? Because there was a lot of focus on other characters this episode.

Speaking of other storylines, I do have to say that I’m very relieved that there is an actual reason why Ceren has lost the thread a bit. If she’s off her meds it explains a lot, and I’m thankful that while she tantrumed a lot about Eda and forced herself on someone who wasn’t inviting it with Deniz, she didn’t do anything unforgivable like actively try and hurt Eda.

Also the Erdem and Leyla scenes were amusing, and my queen Melo can do anything she wants. The only character who actually gives a damn about Eda and Serkan.

While there wasn’t enough Edser, there was more than a lot of people are giving the episode credit for. They had several really good scenes in the office with the balloons and the staring and later him questioning her about Deniz. We got jealous Serkan sniffing around Eda and Deniz’s cafe, and a really nice outside Eda’s house scene that got them being kind to each other and really, honestly talking. Then the funny scene inside with everyone thinking they were back together and Aydan freaking out. (we even got Serkan getting a few cathartic slaps!) The boat scenes were good, but they could have been better. I think they could have given us more and Eda could have been a bit more open with him trying so hard.

The final scene was a slap in the face and I think sort of tainted the rest of the episode, but without that, I thought there was actual progress made.

As for the fragman (and the extra scenes released in the VDay video yesterday) I actually have hope for 32 being a turning point. We’ve seen him be curious about her and opening up with her, now I think we’ll see the ye olde sexual attraction hitting him hard. That should be good! Plus banning love in the office! Vintage jealous Serkan!

Anonymous said: Last week's episode was not my favorite but after this week's, I'm just confused at the writing situation. You could jump from episode 30, to the last minute of episode 31 and you would've seen all you needed to see. It feels like they're wasting potential. Maybe the showrunner knows something we don't about how much time they have but I'm at the "not mad, but very disappointed" phase with how this story is going. And the "Ceren is crazy off her meds" storyline is particularly striking an nerve.

I’m sorry that the Ceren off her meds story is upsetting to you, I can see that. Unfortunately, I really don’t have faith they’ll do it justice. This show has treated some very big issues like agoraphobia, claustrophobia, narcolepsy, panic attacks and lets not forget amnesia and PTSD, at a very superficial level. However, I am glad that they at least gave a plausible reason for Ceren to undergo a behavioral change.

However, I don’t agree with you that the rest of the episode was pointless. I thought the Edser we did get was very good and Serkan made big strides. He was drawn to Eda, intrigued by her, asking questions, very jealous of Deniz, lying to Selin, getting annoyed at Selin, and meanwhile Eda and Serkan had some nice quite conversations. Remember the man doesn’t know her, but he feels that primal pull towards her and it still terrifies him. Especially now that we’re past her heightened emotions of ep 29, and he’s realizing what a competent professional she is and also caring and sweet, not quite the picture that Selin painted him.

The problem is the 1 step forward, 2 steps back that they’re having him do. However, what I’m hoping will happen is that all these experiences, these big steps forward he makes with Eda, before he freaks, gets back under the influence of Selin and jumps backwards, will have a cumulative effect and he’ll take a giant leap forward soon.

There are so many moments that show his tendency to be carrying and attentive towards Eda (offering to drive Eda home after the yacht, vs telling Selin he’s busy and she can go on ahead so he can sit and think about Eda), the switch has got to flip sooner rather than later for him.

Anonymous said: So I noticed that "March 20th" is 5 Saturdays from now. I sincerely hope they don't drag this fake engagement out until then

Good GAWD, don’t even say that! LMAO. Honestly, truly, I don’t think we’re going to drag her fake engagement out that long. Really truly. Have I convinced you yet? Have I convinced myself yet?

That would be way too much. By March 20th I’m expecting them to be sexing each other up!

Anonymous said: Think I am going to shake off the not so greatness of the last two episodes by thinking about how hot it is going to be watching Serkan try to win Eda back. Because we ended yet another episode with Serkan apparently still having zero interest in putting his engagement on hold and no progress made towards unmasking Selin’s game. Edser scenes were fire always but still too short & too far in between. At this point I think most of us could write a novel about how all over the place the writing is and how little things makes sense but that is just too depressing.

Yes, I think this is very true. IMO they really miscalculated by going with these engagements. They are really wearing on the audience. But I do think you’re right, that them constantly changing writers is a big part of the issue. Also I think it has to do with constantly living on the edge and not knowing how many episodes this show is going to have. I don’t know how any show could have a clear and consistent narrative with that constantly hanging over the creatives heads. It’s an interesting way to do things.

It is a bit head spinning when you think about how much time on this show they spend with Edser together and how much apart. HOWEVER, I’m a big proponent that from 16-26, they were basically in a romantic relationship the entire time. Even though they weren’t together, they were together, they belonged to each other, they couldn’t leave each other alone, every decision they made was with the other in mind. But I’m one that doesn’t find those episodes as tortuous as some, there are a LOT of good moments and scenes in there.

Anonymous said: So was Deniz agreeing to work with Selin supposed to be the start of her downfall? Or not? It honestly seems like the show is not even going the route of Selin doing something to mess with his memories anymore and just going to have Serkan flat out choose Eda over Selin but who knows. Only shining light on that front was the fact that Selin & Serkan had very few couple scenes in the last episode.

You are me, I’ve been wondering about this. The last episode sort of made me give up hope that Selin is going to face any repercussions for the disgusting way she has manipulated and brainwashed an amnesia victim. I mean, she will be heartbroken and will have to slink out of town again, but it’s possible she may not face any blowback from the other characters and that will suck.

On the bright side (you know I always have to look on the bright side) that means instead of her being unmasked, it will be, as you say, just Serkan, once again, straight up choosing Eda over her. Which is delicious and romantic in it’s own right. Their love once again triumphing over the biggest of odds, with everything stacked against them and people actively working against them and him suffering from a brain injury. That’s big. And I think after the way Serkan has treated Eda, it’s important that he choose and not just have th choice taken from him by Selin being “unmasked.” Though I’m happy if she’s unmasked after he’s already fallen for Eda (which lets be honest is actively happening).

So there’s a lot of upside to that, to Serkan just choosing, however if that happens and she leaves prior to him regaining his memories, we’ll probably have to suffer through Serkan thanking Selin and apologizing to her and that might make me break whatever screen I’m watching the show on that night. I keep telling myself the writers have to know we need some comeuppance and consequences for Selin, but I’m not sure I trust them to do that. It’s possible she’ll skate again.

The spoilers (which so far are batting about 50/50, so this is still all grain of salt) said that the last scene of 31 would be “bad” (it was IMO, ouch!) but that it would start the unmasking of Selin. If Deniz is playing Selin (which I think is very possible) then that spoiler cold still be true.

Maybe Deniz is a straight up a manipulative villain, but it feels like we have enough of that already. Doesn’t he seem smart enough to realize that he’s never going to get Eda through trickery, and would be much better served by championing her best interests instead of employing underhanded tactics to separate Eda/Serkan? So maybe he’ll help humiliate Selin by reveling what she’s doing. Who knows, we shall see.

Anonymous said: The thing that bothers me the most is serkan's attitude towards eda. When he is alone with her he is vulnerable, attentive to her, listens and tries to find out more about her and their love and the moments they spent together, he tries to remember. And when he is surrounded by other people especially selin he is completely different with her. He is cold, says cruel things to her (the moment he said that he will never marry her seriously serkan?) and he humiliates her constantly. PART1

Really I wonder why this sudden change every time there is surely something we don't know yet. PART2

Yes, there could be something we don’t know that’s contributing to his behavior.

Though @echoapothecary had a good theory about those spoilers that came out about how Selin was doing something with pills and potential drugging of Serkan... what if the spoiler types got it wrong from call sheets and mistook Ceren with the pills for something Selin was doing?

Serkan’s behavior could just be his pre-Eda robotic personality terrified of the person he becomes after Eda, combined with Selin’s abusive manipulation and brainwashing, combined with traumatic brain injury, combined with PTSD from the plane crash. That’s a lot to overcome.

Anonymous said: Poor Eda how much pain can she bear , she is suffering so much and she tries to stay strong and do everything she can to get her serkan back. I feel so much sympathy for her character, she has endured so much but she remains strong in spite of everything. If she decides to give up I wouldn't blame her, she has the right to think about herself for once. It's up to serkan now to open up to her, to show that he cares about her and wants to remember her.

My heart breaks for Eda. However, come on, it’s been like a week. Eda is stronger than than that, she wouldn’t be Eda if she gave up. She knows Serkan is suffering from a brain injury and being manipulated by that barnacle.

Also, remember how we spent episode 20-26 with Eda keeping her distance and controlling everything while Serkan worked his tail off to get her back, his love never wavering. They work because they don’t give up on one another.

Anonymous said: The only way for serkan to react is to feel that he is going to lose eda (she had already tried everything, recreating their moments, kissing him but nothing worked). Eda knows this and that's why she decided to start this game with Deniz, it's her only motivation. To make serkan react, be jealous, feel that he is about to lose her just like in episode 11 to finally confess his feelings. P1/

At first I was totally against this fake engagement but now that I see it from another point of view it seems to me that it is a good idea. Just how could eda have guessed that deniz was not sincere in his intention to help her and just wanted to take advantage of the situation. P2/

Yes, you’re right. Eda knows that Serkan needs to be pushed into a corner to act. That’s what happened the first time. If only we see a reaction like he had the first time around!

What I didn’t like is when Deniz expounded on their “love story” and made up the whole thing about them promising to get married which prompted Serkan to ask Eda if he knew about that. Eda had to say no and I feel like that gives Serkan a mistaken view of their relationship. That they were not in a place where they would have confided such things. It feels like it works against Eda’s objective. So that move puts a mark in the “Deniz is actually a manipulative shit-stain” category.

I just so badly want one of the other characters (Engin, Leyla) to accuse Serkan of being jealous and for him to respond that he doesn’t get jealous and for them to be all like, “Yeah, maybe you didn’t used to get jealous, but with Eda you were jealous of anything that competed for her attention, including babies and dogs!”

Anonymous said: i love that scene on the boat where serkan stays behind after dismissing selin (when he all too eager to take eda home before btw!!) and he's thinking about their moments together.. it's not flashbacks to his memories of her, but he's thinking about the moments that they've shared the DOES remember right now... boy is he already falling for her all over again

Yes, me too! That was very good moment. He sends his “fiancé” on her way without really even questioning where she’s been and then sits and thinks about another woman.

He’s got to be close to catching a clue! If only he didn’t emotionally destroy Eda every time he freaks out.

Anonymous said: i think it's hard for most people to watch serkan be "robot-y" after sooo many episodes of him evolving and growing and being in love with eda.. but i remember back to the first episodes and there are times and moments where he IS harsh with her there too.. they would have a close moment and then the next day he would be ice cold.. the same things happens now.. he has always, even back then, fought himself falling in love until he couldn't any longer and felt like he was actually losing her.

Yes! This is Serkan circa episode 3 when he freaked out and was a total and complete asshole to Eda. It just hurts so much more this time around. Then Eda, and the audience, could let it roll off our backs because they didn’t have history. Now we have 30 episode of history and love and evolution and it is hella painful to go back to that place again.

However, it is pretty realistic to his character and the guy we met in the beginning. What’s not entirely realistic is him taking refuge in Selin. But I suppose you take the fact that the last thing he remembers they were together, and forget the reason they broke up is that he was never going to marry her, throw in her trauma, manipulation and brainwashing and here we are at engaged!

Anonymous said: you know i never considered how the show must feel if you binge watched all of it.. i started watching from the 1st ep so it's always been this cycle of waiting a loooong week in between, but it must feel different if you've binged it.. i feel like storylines def won't feel as dragged out and therefore you wouldn't feel as frustrated by how long the plot would take.. like we waited 10+ weeks for edser to get back together but now someone can just breeze thru those episodes lol.

Yes, binging would take away a lot of the pain those of us week to week have felt. I binged through episode 9 and it’s been week to week for me every since. Like I said in that other ask, I like week to week, because I like fandom. I like talking to you all in my ask box and I like content, and having time to digest things and I like following the cast and getting spoilers, but the downside is the PAIN. LMAO.

Anonymous said: wow, they even stole your caption. so sorry this happened to you , i hope they take it down soon! i know you work hard to create these gifs and posts ❤

This is about the gal who reposted my gifset yesterday. Thank you so much, she did delete it. As I say, I’m more than fine with people using the gifs for reactions and meta and stuff like that, but it’s against every bit of tumblr etiquette (and rules) to repost entire sets as your own. Please don’t do that.

#sen cal kapimi #edser #Sen Çal Kapımı #serkan bolat #eda yildiz #eda yıldız #sckask #sck speculation #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #asklizac #sck 1x31 #sck 1x32

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