#the dearest thing you've ever heard

[avanillaskyline]

In my opinion, the most tender moment in the game. I simply can't force myself to skip it, no matter what. I'm sorry, Harry.

It's early in the morning. The world is dark blue. The sparks light her face. A delicate composition of triangles. The street seems to grow longer, like in a dolly zoom. And there's something in the air as you stand there and wave back at the shape growing smaller and smaller. Something that has *always* been there. A great see-through world. The tenderness you feel. The ghost of Revachol between you, carrying your signals. The holy messenger.

[whiteshipnightjar]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOANNA NEWSOM! 🥳️💖🥳️ January 18th, 1982

“If you were a world leader, what would be your first law? Gravity. I feel like we need to tighten up the constitutional protections that particular law enjoys. It’s a ticking time bomb, if you ask me. Who would be your top advisers? Cute angel on one shoulder, cute devil on the other.”

[tavolgisvist]

'Just call him on the phone'

Q: Aside from the millions you’ve been offered for a reunion concert, how did you feel about producer Lorne Michaels’s generous offer of thirty-two hundred dollars for appearing together on Saturday Night Live a few years ago?* A: Oh, yeah, Paul and I were together watching that show. He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired. Q: How did you and Paul happen to be watching TV together? A: That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. I would let him in, but finally I said to him**, “Please call before you come over. It’s not 1956, and turning up at the door isn’t the same anymore. You know, just give me a ring.” He was upset by that, but I didn’t mean it badly. I just meant that I was taking care of a baby all day, and some guy turns up at the door … But anyway, back on that night he and Linda walked in and he and I were just sitting there watching the show, and we went, Ha-ha, wouldn’t it be funny if we went down, but we didn’t. Q: Is that the last time you’ve seen Paul? A: Yes, but I didn’t mean it like that.

<...> Q: You say you haven’t really listened to Paul’s work and haven’t really talked to him since that night in your apartment— A: Really talked to him, no, that’s the operative word. I haven’t really talked to him in ten years. Because I haven’t spent time with him. I’ve been doing other things and so has he. You know, he’s got twenty five kids and about twenty million records out — how can he spend time talking? He’s always working.

(John Lennon, 1980, All We Are Saying, David Sheff)

*It was in 25 April 1976 **it was in 26 April 1976

Well, when I, when I was Just a little baby boy, Every night, every night I would call, Because your number, you know, Brought me such sweet joy. I've called your name, John, Every night since then But I ain't never, no, no, never Heard you calling me, My sweet, sweet babe, So, you know, you better call me back again, I call your operator but I still can't get through to you, Call me back again

(Call Me Back Again, presumably, 10 June 1976, Seattle)

Tell me, is she everything i see Or is she really not the one for me? We know, and though some may disagree But do they know the way we want to be? <…> Building something One thing made to last And holding something Special from the past And do I still believe in stories we've been told***? Are all the things she brings me worth their weight in gold? Oh yeah, (oh yeah) pure gold

(Pure Gold, Paul for Ringo, 1976)

***I remember when John and I were first hanging out together, I had a dream about digging in the garden with my hands. I’d dreamt that before but I’d never found anything other than an old tin can. But in this dream I found a gold coin. I kept digging and I found another. And another.The next day I told John about this amazing dream I’d had and he said, ‘That’s funny, I had the same dream’. So both of us had this dream of finding this treasure. And I suppose you could say it came true. I remember years later talking about it – ‘Remember that dream we had?’; ‘Yeah, that was far out’. So the message of that dream was: keep digging lads.'

(Paul McCartney to The Big Issue, Feb. 2012)

After you've gone And left me crying After you've gone Ain't no deny You'll feel blue You'll feel sad You'll miss the dearest pal that you ever had

There'll come a time And don't you forget it There'll come a time When you'll regret it****

Someday when you grow lonely Your heart will break like mine You want me only After you've gone After you've gone away

(After You've Gone, 1977, Paul's version - 'just for fun' as he said - of a 1918 popular song written by Turner Layton and Henry Creamer, and it's Frank Sinatra's (and Sophie Tucker!) version.

****the line 'Don't you forget it/When you'll regret it' reminds another old (not as old like After You've Gone but old) song -  I Love You And Don't You Forget It by Perry Como. The song, what our lads were singing in their early years so playfully:

Klas Burling: Tell us something about how you find a song… how you get the idea about a song, to write it down. John: Well, sometimes it's the words first, and then the music after. Klas Burling: Very often you've got a title, you know… Me and you, and everything like that? Paul: Yeah. We try to do that, to make it personal so it's… so we really mean it. When we sing a thing about 'I love you,' it's easier. John: (singing) 'And don't you forget it!' John & Paul: (singing together, jokingly) 'I love you and don't you forget it!' Paul: Well, you see, it's easier than singing something about the cat that lives on the hill, man. (laughter) Paul: It's a lot easier just to sing about what you feel yourself.

(August 23 1963, interview with Klas Burling)

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday I used to hold you in my arms And now a baby, and a another on the way [Indescernable] in a farm Now must we be alone? If it don’t feel right, don’t do it If it don’t look right, look right through it If it don’t feel right, don’t do it Just call him on the phone

(John Lennon, Real Life, Feb 1977)

We'd had a bread strike over here***** and I rang him and I was saying, What are you doing? He says. I'm baking some bread.' 'Oh! Me too.' Imagine, with the stereotypes, John and Paul talking about baking bread.

(Paul McCartney, May 2001, interview for Mojo magazine)

*****a bread strike in England was in Nov 1978

Q: Do you regret that your life has become so public? A: I realized that a good fifteen years ago. I remember actually thinking when I went on holiday somewhere, ‘God I’d really better start thinking now about keeping a few countries aside where we don’t sell records. I won’t be able to go anywhere without being recognized.’ But now I think, ‘Really, I’ve reached the point of no return. There’s no going back.’ Even if I didn’t want to sing anymore, I’d just be like Greta Garbo or Brigitte Bardot. They both retired but you’d never know it. John said this to me a year before he died. He said, ‘Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.’ That’s the way I look at it. I wished for all this and I got it. To regret it would mean I’d have to sit here and live with negative thoughts about it. I know that would only sink me. Even if I had feelings of regret my personality would not really let them out. ‘Look mate, you don’t regret it. Look on the other side,’ that’s me. Not to sink. I always used to do that instinctively, and not allow too many negative thoughts to surface.

(Paul McCartney, April/May 1982, interview for Music Express)

The couple of years after the Beatles broke up it was very touchy because I think we suspected each other of business manoeuvres. So anyone would ring up, it would be like, “Why is he ringing?” And when you put up the defensive like that it’s very difficult to say, “I’m not! Honest!” You just don’t know where to put yourself. So we had a lot of those ups and downs for quite a few years. But the favourite thing was that if ever we talked not business – and what we ended doing, actually, was make a rule not to talk business on the phone – and on those occasions, we had really good vibes, man. And it was great; we just talked kids, we talked family, we talked cats, we talked life, rather than, “oh, what songs are doing with x business affair?” And one of the great things for me, one of the consolation prizes after John was killed, the only thing– you know, you find yourself holding on to little bits of wreckage to keep yourself afloat. And with me it was the fact that our last phonecall was really one of the best we ever had together; it was really warm, we were really friends again.

(Paul McCartney, 1984, interview for CBS Morning News)

Q: Do you remember your last conversation with John? A: Yes. That is a nice thing, a consoling factor for me, because I do feel it was sad that we never actually sat down and straightened our differences out. But fortunately for me, the last phone conversation I ever had with him was really great, and we didn’t have any kind of blowup. It could have easily been one of the other phone calls, when we blew up at each other and slammed the phone down. Q: Do you remember what you talked about? A: It was just a very happy conversation about his family, my family. Enjoying his life very much; Sean was a very big part of it. And thining about getting on with his career. I remember he said, “Oh, God, I’m like Aunt Mimi, padding round here in me dressing gown”– robe, as he called it, ’cause he was picking up the American vernacular –“feeding the cats in me robe and cooking and putting a cup of tea on. This housewife wants a career!” It was that time for him. He was about to launch Double Fantasy.******

(Paul McCartney, Dec 1984, interview for Playboy)

******Double Fantasy released 17 November 1980

I was lucky. The last few wee... months that he was alive, we’d managed to get our relationship back on track. And we were talking and having real good conversations. Real nice and friendly.

(Paul McCartney about This One, interview with Bernard Goldberg for the TV series 48 Hours, 1989)

[mosoderbergh]

TW food, body issues, ed

So because my current Veilguard hyperfixation has come between me and my meal times once or twice, it gave me this little Emmrich headcanon.

So him and Rook are about a week and a half into their most sickening honeymoon phase. They think they're being sneaky, but the walls are not *that* thick, and even when they're trying to keep it professional, Rook keeps getting distracted mid-sentence whenever Emmrich so much as shifts in his seat, and the professor has the worst case of resting bedroom eyes anyone has ever seen.

But around this time, Emmrich realizes Rook is skipping meals. And maybe Rook has told him about their body issues in the past, which Emmrich couldn't fathom then. But it comes back to him now. And it sends him into a panic. He's thinking that maybe he did something wrong, maybe he's said something to make Rook fall back into unhealthy habits. Is Rook starving themselves because of him? So Emmrich doubles his efforts. You've never heard a man sweet-talk like this. He whispers into Rook's ear every night, straining to keep awake until they are asleep so they take his words into their dreams. He brings food to their bed every morning. And one day, sitting and talking over a breakfast Rook has barely touched, Emmrich breaks down a little.

"My Dearest, please! You must eat something. I can't bare this."

And Rook, confused as all hell, has to extract from Emmrich how he's been "beside himself with worry". And they admit that, yes, they haven't eaten as much as usual. But then they very gently point out that there is one thing that might cause one to be distractible and fluttery and forget to eat or sleep. They touch Emmrich's face, their eyes sparkling with adoration. "You magnificent, ridiculous man. I'm simply in love."

[mrcavill88]

Despondency turned rapture

Pairing: Stepdad Andy Barber x Stepson Male reader

Summary: A recent family passing took a deep toll on you. Never have you ever felt so isolated from humanity. The only thing keeping you going are the lewd activities between you and your stepfather

Word count: 2.1k+

Warnings: 18+, ANGST, mentions of death, SMUT, age gap (reader just turned 18, Andy is 42) drunk Andy, reader is a stoner, intimacy in the shower, Dom Andy, deep kissing, skin biting, stripping, spanking, fingering, prostate orgasm, oral sex, face fucking, unprotected sex, cum control, breeding, cuddling

A/N: Hey everyone thanks for all your support lately. This is my first Steve only fic, hope you enjoy! (If you have any questions/requests, feel free to ask me in my bio;)

You're not quite sure how your life crumbled apart so easily. One moment you're frolicking in the park with your beloved mother and stepfather, then you're hyperventilating in a hospital hoping your mother's life could see another day.

*FLASHBACK 6 MONTHS*

"Mom! P-please *sniffle* please stay with me!" you pled as you tightly gripped your mothers hand, her body laying near lifeless on the hospital bed. "Sir! Why are you in the room? Your mother is in a fragile state I understand your pain but you need to exit immediately!" the frantic doctor yelled as he tried to pry you from your mother.

"Get the hell off me!" you yelled as you shoved the doctor into the concrete wall. "Mom! Mom! Answer me!" you cried as tears stained your cheeks, feeling helpless as your mother remains unresponsive.

And then it came

The longest, most heartbreaking beep you've ever heard in your whole life. The beep that signified the death of your mother. You fell to your knees as you've just accepted what reality has become, a reality without your mother.

"Y/N! What happened? Is she okay?" your stepdad Andy panicked as he rushed over to you, seeing your mother. "N-no, NO! NO!" Andy screamed as he hugged your body tightly, in grievance of your dead mother. Both of you sat on the floor, drowned in tears as you've both lost the dearest person in your lives.

The trip out of the hospital was one that wasn't that long, but for you and Andy? It was a million years. It took a host of angels to get you out of that hospital, several doctors needed to escort you out of the hospital room. That day, a part of you was never the same, you became an incomplete puzzle with a forever missing piece.

*FLASHFORWARD TO PRESENT*

You sit in your bed, still grieving your dear mothers death. A mountain of disposables piling up in the corner of the room, making the room reek of weed. A deep and scratchy exhale left your mouth as you continue to sit in your room, refusing to leave your domain. It seems like years since you've spoken to anyone,

Well, almost anyone

The only trustworthy person in your life? Your stepdad Andy. You two have always had a close relationship, you both understood each other on a level no one else (besides your mother) could. But little did each of you know, the deep feelings you both felt for each other. I mean, how could one resist Andy? His beautiful blue eyes that dilated each time he saw you, his broad figure and chiseled muscles, his structured face and sexy beard. You knew it was wrong, especially after your mothers death, but it was something out of your control.

"Y-Y/N! G-get your ass o-over h-here!" he yelled, slurring his words amid his recent alcohol addiction. You slumped off your bed and walked over to Andy's bedroom, the unpleasant aroma of alcohol filled the room as you shut the door; bottles upon bottles of beer stacked in his closet.

"Y/N, y-you better s-stop sm-smoking, i-it'll kill you. If I f-find one more goddamn c-cart in the t-trash, I-I'm whooping your ass. Understand?" he said, barely able to connect his words together. "You think y-you can talk? It smells like shit in here, I don't know how you keep all those muscles and that jawline when all you do is drink all the fucking time! Give it a fucking break already!" you yelled, right before a thick hand smacked your cheek, you held your face.

Andy grabbed your face yelling, "You speak t-to me like t-that again? I'll fucking k-kill you, understand?" squeezing your face. You nodded as tears formed and fell down your face. You ran out of Andy's room, into your room, slamming the door, staying there for what seemed like an eternity, but was only 2 days.

*FLASHFORWARD 2 DAYS LATER*

A light knock on the door awakened your seemingly endless slumber. You stood up, feeling sticky and extremely hungry, and dragged your body towards the door and opened it to a surprisingly healthy Andy, who didn't smell.

"Hey y/n, I know you probably want to talk to me but, I'm really concerned about you. You haven't left your room in ages and your mothers death (tears up) left its toll on both of us, but I know she wants us to find happiness in our lives. So please, would you come out? Maybe we could spend some time together?" he asked, caressing the cheek that he slapped the other day.

You gave him a blank expression, still feeling a little scared of Andy after what happened yesterday. "Fine". You finally walked out of your room, the sunshine blinding you as you sit down on the couch.

"Now, let's get you cleaned up. Honey, can you please take a shower?" Andy asked, his cute nickname for you leaving you a little bit surprised. You reluctantly entered the bathroom, it seems like an eternity since you last entered it. You undressed yourself and turned on the hot water, waiting for steam to accumulate before you entered. The hot water dampening your soft skin as you cleanse yourself for the first time since your mothers death. As you were washing your hair, you noticed the bathroom door slowly creaked open. The feeling of curiosity and anxiety filled you as you waited for someone to show up.

"Y/N? Can I come in?" Andy asked, as the door was still slightly ajar.

"Come in"

Andy walked in with a white tank top that perfectly illustrated his large biceps and broad shoulders, and, it got hard, and, it seemed that he realized this. He walked over to the shower and opened the door

"Hey! Get out! I need some privacy!" you yelled as you covered your private parts, slightly blushing. "Oh I'm sorry, lemme just close this" Andy said as he seductively slapped your ass, causing you to jolt and moan a little. "GET OUT!" you yelled, clearly aggravated, little did he know a little turned on as well. He left before you finished your shower, you turned off the water, dried yourself off and put on a tight little black tank top and some shorts.

You walked out and approached Andy in the living room, still a little surprised at what he did in the bathroom. "H-hey Andy, sorry I got mad at you there" you chuckled. "Oh it's all good Y/N, in the end, that was my bad. Come sit with me, the patriots are on right now" he said to you, bringing you over to the couch, sitting you next to him.

Oh God

You were feeling things you never felt before, things you shouldn't be feeling, he was your... stepdad. This was wrong, you couldn't help but feel butterflies race around your stomach, your body temperature rising as Andy got closer and more touchy with you.

"So Y/N, you like football?" he asked you, wrapping his muscular arm around your shoulder. You didn't answer him; you couldn't even think straight you were going crazy, sweat accumulating on your forehead.

"Y/N? Why so silent?"

"S-sorry I'm just-" you couldn't even finish your sentence before you found the six foot one man hands all over you, pinning you to the couch.

"H-hey! What're you doing!" you whined out as he got closer and closer to your face. "Oh Y/N, sweet innocent Y/N, I know you like me, in fact, you love me." he said, tightening his grip on you as he was practically an inch away from your face. "N-no Andy, this is wrong! You're my stepdad! What would mom think?" "Y/N, at a certain time, you have to move on, your mother was an amazing person, she would want us to be happy right?"

You shrugged your shoulders in response before Andy's lips crashed onto yours, your tongues twisting together, fighting for dominance; you lost. "Mm baby I've been waiting years for this, you don't understand how hard I'm gonna fuck you" he huffed as he continued kissing you, moving onto your neck. "Fuck, daddy" you moaned.

"Mm, daddy huh? I like that name, you only address me as that now, understand?" You whimpered in response as Andy started biting and sucking on your neck. Moans and whines leaving your mouth as your own stepfather was leaving hickeys on your baby soft skin.

When he was finished with you, you were a moaning and whining mess, breathing in and out at a rapid pace as Andy's eyes starting filling with something, insurmountable lust. "Strip for daddy" he commanded as he put you on your knees. You slowly removed your clothing unveiling your beautiful and slim frame.

Andy stared at your angelic figure, completely awestruck by the beauty that stand before him. He grabbed onto your shoulders and started sucking on your skin again. "Mm fuck baby! You taste as good as you look, you're gonna feel so good with me inside you!"

"Mm, fuck me daddy!" you moaned as the bearded man vigorously bit and licked your skin. He grabbed your body and placed your moaning figure over his lap; you knew exactly what part was next. He squeezed and fondled your cheeks, praising them before his hands gripped them firmly.

"Count"

"o-one" *SMACK* his hand swiftly cuffed your right cheek, causing you to wince in pain, and a wee bit of pleasure.

"two" *SMACK* he smacked your left cheek with even more force, causing you to scream as a tear leaked from your eye.

Said smack became 5 smacks, then 15, then 30. At 31, your ass cheeks were tinted red and tears stained your cheeks as your stepdad had just smacked the hell out of your ass.

"Oh baby, don't cry. Daddy is so proud of you, and he thinks it's time for your reward, baby. Come on, open up"

You aversely spread your legs open, leaning up on the couch you were sitting on. Right then and there, Andy slowly inserted his thick fingers into your tight and tiny hole. He used his spit as a lubricant to make the trip nice and smooth, causing moans and whines to constantly leave your mouth.

"Daddy! Ugh! Fuck daddy! That feels so good!" you whined as his fingers went in and out of your hole.

"Oh baby I love to hear you moan, it's like music to my ears. Now, this might hurt, just sit still ok sweetie?" he kindly said as he started finger fucking you with multiple fingers. Your moans started becoming screams as the feeling of pleasure, pain, and discomfort consumed your body.

"D-daddy! I c-can't take it anymore! I'm g-gonna cum!" you whined as you could feel your cock twitch uncontrollably, completely wet with pre-cum.

"Oh no you don't" he said cupping your cock in his other hand, making you even more horny. "Daddy can't have you cumming yet, I know you can do it, be a good boy for daddy". At this point, you were practically walking on strings, shear milliseconds away from shooting your load.

Andy finally released his fingers from you, sucking on them. "Delicious. Oh baby, you're such a determined little boy, thank you for not cumming, daddy appreciates it! Now, get on your knees baby, daddy needs to unload a little". You were still a little weak from Andy finger fucking you, but you got on your knees as Andy unleashed his meat. You've been picked down by many, but nothing surmounted Andy's cock. It looked to be 8 inches long, and insanely thick. You licked his bitter tip, causing him to groan out, before you started sucking his dick.

It didn't take much before you started gagging, your drool spilling from your mouth as Andys dick invaded every corner of your mouth. "T-take it easy b-baby. Oh fuck! Baby you look so good around my dick like this!" He started to thrust into your face, you almost fell back at his aggression. The sound of moans filled the room as Andy could feel himself getting close. Noticing this, you started moaning and whining on his dick, sending vibrations up his dick. "F-fuck baby" he moaned as he shot his thick and warm cum into your mouth, filling your mouth with his baby batter.

"Oh baby you did so well! Now, it's time for the grand finale! Come on baby, face down, ass up"

You stood crawled up on the couch and did as he asked, face down, ass up, your hole still lubricated after Andy's fingers violated it. "This is a very special memory Y/N, let's make the most of it. Alright?" he softly said before he violently thrusted his cock in your hole, going in and out aggressively.

"Daddy! Ugh! I love your cock so much daddy!" you whined as his meat was invading every bit of your insides. His thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier by the second as the pleasure he felt weakened his knees.

That's when it happened

His dick thrusted into your prostate causing you to go crazy, cock twitching uncontrollably as cum shot from your cock onto the couch, practically painting a section white. "B-baby, I-I'm close, y-you're doing so well" Andy groaned as he was once again close from summing, this time inside you.

"I love you daddy!" you screamed as your legs started to wobble. At those words, Andy lost it. His cock shooting ropes and ropes of cum into your velvety walls, painting them white. You both collapsed on the couch, completely drowned in pleasure after having sex the best sex of your lives. You crawled up onto Andy's muscles, cuddling up against him.

"I love you" you said before you lightly kissed his lips

"I love you too Y/N" he huffed before you both fell asleep in each others arms

THE END

Thanks for reading:)

[lovings4turn]

Okay, I promised you some cute F1 thoughts, and Mama’s here to deliver!!

What about Max having an S/O who’s always really sweet to him and showering him with compliments and is always there to pick him up when he’s down, and he just kind of… doesn’t know how to deal with it? (Because that boy is SO starved for unconditional affection, you cannot convince me otherwise.)

my dearest dolly i have been WAITING for these and i'm so ready to provide,, especially for a touch starved n slightly awkward max!! thanks for sending it in,, your ideas always make my mind go wild🖤

it's not that he doesn't appreciate it, no. in fact, max would trade most of his worldly possessions if it meant that you would keep treating him the way you currently do. the 'problem' - if you can even really call it that - lies in the fact that he doesn't really understand why. he's never really been on the receiving end of so much praise and love, or general kindness and patience, even, so he doesn't quite know how he's supposed to respond.

you've heard the stories of his father, of the things he's said and done to max, and your blood boils every time you have to be in the same room as the man.

post-race congratulations are met with a deep hug, max resting his head in the crook of your neck and letting your words wash over him like treacle, coating him in a thick, saccharine feeling. he has no idea how to respond, whether to thank you or refute your claims, so instead he says nothing and hopes you don't notice the pale dusting of pink across his face as he gives his post-race interviews in the media pen.

even in his worst moments, when he's furiously raving about a strategy that could have gone horribly wrong, you're there for him. a gentle kiss between his eyebrows is enough for him to relax his face and look at you, inquisitive. he doesn't quite know what he did to deserve this, or how he can ever repay you for it, but he's thankful, and he'll do everything in his power to show you that.

[yzashaven]

✰ ━━━ scara brain rot <3

FEATURING scaramouche x fem!reader

WARNINGS dom!scaramouche, overstimulation, squirting, cunnilingus, rough sex, degradation, praising, choking

NOTE listening to chase atlantic at 2am made me feel things whdbyw anyways here's some scara smut cuz why not? not proofread, just typed out what my brain is thinking fr

"want more of that, don't you?" he says teasingly as he gazes down on your tired figure on his bed, where you've been for the past hour as he's been toying with you nonstop. to his question, you respond with weak whimpers instead of full sentences. "yes... more, p-please- ah~" he cuts you off with a sudden lick on your swollen clit, followed by more movements of his tongue at your sensitive area. inserting two of his long fingers, making you moan louder for him. "fuuuckk, you really are such an adorable little slut for me, huh?" he chuckles in a seductive way, " i'll never get tired of playing with you, my love." he says before focusing back on your pussy in front of him. having his fingers knuckle deep in you accompanied by his lips sucking lovingly on your clit to drive you crazy until all you can think about is him. after a few seconds, you feel your high coming. "go on, cum on my face. i know you want to, sooo badly. i'll indulge you this once." scara's voice husky as he helps you reach the feeling of pleasure you crave and squirt all over him. scara chuckles and gets up as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

still calming down from the intense climax, you close your eyes and try to catch your breath as your heart beats faster than ever. a few moments later, you feel his hands on your thighs, spreading them apart as he easily slipped inside your soaking wet cunt. "shit, you're still so wet for me, my love." he says with a small laugh and pushes himself the furthest possible. you moan out loud as he's deep inside of you, you can definitely feel where it's at. pulling all the way back before slamming himself into you again. he basically folds you in half and kisses you in a gentle manner as his hand cups your cheek lovingly, all the while slowly thrusting in and out of your hole. slowly but surely picking up the pace as he pulls away from your heated kiss to watch your reactions as he pounds his worries away into you. "such a whore." he comments at your already fucked out state. "g-gonna... cum- mmh! ah~" once scara heard your words, his hand made it's way to your neck, not even hesitating to start choking you. but don't worry, he loves you so much so he'll stop when he has to...he won't choke you to death <3

"wanna cum? all over my cock?" he says with that hot as hell deep voice, "beg for it. you know you want to." and so you did. with the best you could, you begged and begged him to let you cum as he continued to fuck you senseless, watching closely how your body reacts to his movements along with your facial expressions. he laughs at your begging, but not in that way- he just finds it cute~ "cum on my cock like the good girl you are then." your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your body spasms as the feeling of euphoric pleasure take over. after a few seconds, he spills his own seed deep inside you, making you whimper as the warm feeling gets to you. removing his hand from your neck, he pulls out gently, looking in awe at your dripping cunt then turning his gaze to you, giving you a sweet smile. "you're so pretty... especially like this." he says before kissing your forehead, your cheek, and then your lips. "i love you, my dearest."

"now, let's continue, 'til the break of dawn. i want more and more of you, come here."

[roxxyhoney]

Okay so this post may initially come off as corny to some, but I just had to make a birthday related IWTV post. Today is my birthday, and it's the first one I've celebrated being apart of the fandom. I started watching the show in March of this year and I don't think I'm the only one who feels like their life has completely changed😅. Without a doubt, IWTV is the best series I've ever seen and that's coming from someone who has watched many many shows and has had some obsessions here and there back in the day. From Buffy, to TVD (give or take a season), GOT (years after it ended), and so many more, but IWTV hits me on a whole different level that I could have never imagined.

When the show came out in 2022, I'll admit I didn't give it a chance like I should have, and apart of me is grateful that I didn't, because I don't know how you all survived the year & half hiatus. I almost didn't survive waiting only TWO months for the new season, so I can only imagine how it felt to wait even longer.

If you follow my blog or have seen a random post from me, it's no secret that I am a huge Loustat fan and I have such a tremendous soft spot for Jam. (I've spent an embarrassingly long time watching interviews and clips of them, and I can't get enough). Jacob Anderson and Sam Reid are both incredible and amazing at what they do. I absolutely can't wait for season 3 and all it has to offer. Ready to see some promotional images, videos, trailers, cast announcements, etc.

What's been getting me through this hiatus has been a lot of phenomenal things. Many people in this fandom have been wonderful and have provided great information and interesting theories (some I'm hoping play out). No, I haven't read the books but I do know quite a bit about what goes on and that's thanks to a lot of research and the many people in this fandom.

Sometimes the fandom can be on one and things can get crazy, but for the most part it's been a real treat getting to experience this show with those who love it just as much. From the fanfiction that is now apart of my daily read, to the fan videos, and definitely to the beautiful artwork from the most talented people out there (I think I have a redbubble problem with as much merch I have purchased). It's all just been a real mind-blowing experience, and I've pretty much "fallen into a well with no bottom."

And let's not forget the most amazing cast, show runners, writers, directors, etc. Yes, I absolutely LOVE Jam, but the whole entire cast was made for this show and their acting is astounding. I would love to meet them in real life one day as I've heard nothing but great things.

So, moral of this novel of a post, and if you've stuck with it this far, is I just wanted to say how much I desperately love the show and the talent that this fandom has showcased.

Not only that, I've met one of my dearest friends from this fandom. You know who you are♥️♥️♥️ And words aren't enough to express how much your friendship means to me.

So, I wanted to list below just a few things from myself and others.

If you read fanfiction and you're interested in an au/human loustat, check out my first fic in the fandom: "it's like a best friend, but more." So far, there are only 15 chapters with 5 left to go.

For more of my favorite fics, I've created a fic rec list. This list will be updated throughout.

I have a new loustat video posted. Check it out if you're interested.

A huge shout out to @haflacky for creating this beautiful loustat commission piece. I am still in awe and super grateful.

And if you want to follow me on twitter/x, youtube, and tiktok feel free 🥰

I'm staying lowkey this birthday and spending the rest of the day rewatching both seasons and working on a new chapter.

Until next time ♥️

[lovelybunn]

𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐔𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐄. –ㅤㅤfeat. alt gabriel & gn angel reader

synopsis: reader has been friends with archangel gabriel for centuries. it was only until the outbreak of alternates, did something in gabriel change... at first, reader did not question it, until he started asking them to do the most dreadful things.

word count: 3.1k

warning: gore, topic of suicide, manipulation, heavy religious themes, slight horror

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤprologue.

YOU WERE ECSTATIC. Gabriel was finally coming home. It's been almost two decades since the last time you saw him. At some point in the process of waiting, you assumed he was either sent to purgatory, or worse. But all of that didn't matter anymore. Your Gabriel was coming home, back to you.

You practically galloped to the entrance, your wings fluttering with anticipation. You were stopped mid-sprint and almost ran into the crowd of fellow angels welcoming your dear friend back. Gabriel may not have been the highest ranking, only being an Archangel, but he had a way with the people, both mortal and immortal alike. He was kind-hearted, selfless, and never made anyone feel excluded. You admired him. He gave you a chance, when no one else did. For all that he does for you, you would do anything for him.

You weren't the tallest for an angel, so you hopped up and let your wings float you above the soft, cloudy ground. Gabriel waved to the crowd, his wide, childlike eyes twinkled in joy. You squinted down at him in curiosity. His hair looked longer. He never liked his hair past his shoulders. You brushed away the thought. Maybe he didn't have time to cut it.

The crowds bickering and cheering gradually got louder, until a booming voice from behind startled them, everyone's heads whipping towards the sound. "Welcome back, dearest Archangel Gabriel, have the heavens blessed you in your travels. How was your mission, my child?" God announced, his vocal cords buzzing around the cathedral. We all quickly dived to our knees, our eyes glued to the floor. The space became deadly quiet. The only person who looked up was Gabriel, an innocent smile on his face.

He flipped his long locks to the side and cleared his throat. "It went very well, Father. The alternates have been eradicated, and faith has returned in the mortal world." This was the very first time you've heard Gabriel speak in years; his voice had gone deeper, almost slick, like ice. God gave two small nods of his head, "That is wonderful news, my son." God lifted his hands in the air for emphasis, all heads lifting up to their superior. "As tribute to his efforts, I may grant a celebration in this young man's honor!" Everyone raised to their feet and screamed in harmony, "Hurrah!"

ㅤ

The outbreak of alternates had started about two decades ago, and Gabriel was sent away to purify all that were affected on Earth. It wasn't as bad at the beginning, it being very easy to distinguish between alternate and normal mortals. But then, as the years went by, Lucifer had gotten creative- strategic, even. Alternates started to look more like the creatures they were imitating, and used manipulation to cause victims to end their own lives as sacrifice for the devil's so-called "cause". Trust was shattered all across the world.

No one knew who was a pawn and who wasn't, so, as mortals often do in misunderstandings, they turned on each other. You didn't want to imagine the bloodshed that Gabriel was forced to witness, it hurt your heart just thinking about it. So many innocent lives taken away at such short notice. The saddest part was, even the highest ranking angel couldn't save a mortal- bring them back to who they once were. Once one became an alternate, there was no known way to reverse it. They would forever be under Satan's control.

The thought scared you to death, but you always wondered, after the advancements of disguise, if the devil would take it a step further. Would he ever dare send one of his pawns to the holy land? Would he be filled with so much hatred and resentment that he himself would pretend to be an angel again, just to destroy all of humanity, and everything else with it? Your wings shut tightly against each other as you shivered.

ㅤ

Before the nightmare could continue, something cold slithered itself onto your shoulder. You jumped, your wings flashed out in surprise.You quickly turned on your heels. There stood your best friend, your true savior right in front of you. You pounced on him, hugging the boy with both arms and legs. Slightly startled, he wrapped his arms around your small figure. Gabriel has always been taller than you, being about six-foot-five in human terms. He always liked to hold you and give you piggy back rides, he loved seeing how happy you would get, being able to see all that he sees. He was like a big brother to you.

"Hi, (Name)! It's so wonderful to finally see you again! I missed you so much!" With your head buried into the crook of his neck, you muttered, "I thought I lost you." You breathed in deeply, taking in his scent. You couldn't pin-point what it was, but Gabriel always smelled like comfort, home. For quite some time, you felt as if you'd never feel that way again. But it didn't matter now, he was here. You were safe.

"Of course you didn't lose me, sweetie, I'll always be with you." He gave you a soft grin, his dimples poking the sides of his cheeks. A weak smile was your response, "From the darkest nights to the ends of time." You and Gabriel said in sync. In a way, those were your vows to each other. Gabriel had come up with the phrase when the two of you were very young, only a few thousand years old. There was a devastating war between the underworld and the holy land, and both of you were highly injured in battle. You remember it as if it was yesterday.

ㅤ

He laid helplessly in your arms, his body almost too heavy for you to hold on to. Part of his left wing had been ripped apart, a river of blood poured out in its place. With tears in your eyes, you screamed, begged for someone, anyone to help your dying friend. It felt as if even though pain and destruction surrounded you, only you and Gabriel were left in the entire universe. The realization hit you like a bullet to your chest. Gabriel was going to die here, and you would be the only one who witnessed, or cared, for that matter.

"I'm so sorry..." You sobbed, clinging on his heaving stomach. "Please, please don't leave me. I can't lose you, you're all I have..." With a shaky hand, Gabriel caressed your cheek and smiled with as much optimism his weak body could muster. "Don't be silly, (Name). I'll always be with you, from the darkest nights to the ends of time."

ㅤ

You slowly slid off of Gabriel, taking his hand in yours. The two of you walked towards the housing district as you exclaimed, "It looks like nothing changed for you. You're still beloved by everyone." He chuckled lightly, "That's a bit of a misconception. I bet I have a few enemies here and there." You let go of Gabriel's hand to elbow him in the side, "Don't kid yourself, how could anyone hate you? You're perfect." He snickered down at you, his eyes half lidded. "I wouldn't say I'm perfect. Everyone has their flaws, even the seraphim, the purest of all angels." You furrowed your brows in frustration. "Why can't you just take the compliment? And also, I wouldn't suggest talking about your superiors like that, you know they're all-knowing." He shrugged.

The rest of the walk to the housing sector was awkwardly silent. Usually the two of you have much to talk about, but today Gabriel seemed oddly reserved. Maybe he just needed time to settle back in, to recover from whatever horrors he may have discovered while dealing with the alternates. You and Gabriel finally made it to your humble abode, a cozy little loft at the corner of the sector, perfect for viewing the mortals below and stars above.

He sighed, plopping his body on your perfectly cushioned couch. It looked as if all tension in his muscles had melted away in an instant. You smiled warmly. "I'm glad you're making yourself at home, Gabriel. I can't imagine how exhausted you are." He didn't bother to face you as he slurred, "More than you would know." Your lips curled into frown, underwhelmed by his lack of acknowledgement of your presence.

Have you been replaced? No, that can't be. You and Gabriel have been friends since childhood, he couldn't have replaced you that fast. He wouldn't anyway, he loves you. You just settled with the conclusion that you were overthinking, and that he just needed some time alone to collect his thoughts. "Well, if you need anything, I'll be in my bedroom." You nervously stammered, a jittery giggle sneaking its way out of your vocal cords. Before you could hear a response, you quickly shuffled your feet toward your bedroom, your clammy hands glued together.

You closed your door quietly and sat down on the side of your bed. Your wings fluffed themselves out and a few stray feathers fluttered down onto your sheets as you rested your chin on your palm. You shut your eyes and took in a deep breath. There was so much you wanted to talk to him about, but you didn't want to seem nagging. Gabriel already seemed to be giving you the cold shoulder. You shrugged it off again and curled into your covers in silence. "Maybe he'll feel better by the time his party starts." You mumbled to no one at all, trying to bring some comfort in this very confusing situation.

You tried to rest, but Gabriel’s unnatural behavior had bothered you a bit more than you thought it would. It had been almost an hour since you trailed off to your room, and he hasn't even tried knocking on your door to check on you. Then, as if God himself had came down to answer your prayers, there came a damp haired, truly majestic being with a loosely fit robe tied around his waist.

Gabriel looked absolutely ethereal. You’ve always thought he was pretty, but this was next level. The shoulder of the satin robe drooped to one side, exposing his collarbones. Gabriel must have noticed your flushed expression, because he giggled and gently sat beside you. “Awe, just look at yourself, (Name)! It isn’t like it's the first time you’ve seen me like this.” He teased, a pouty look on his soft features. And you hope it wasn’t the last, you thought, eyes averted. The wall looked very interesting at this point in time.

“I’m glad you decided to freshen up.” Fiddling with your hands, you added, “What do you plan on wearing for your event tonight?” He hummed, a low rumble in his chest. “I have no clue yet. Nothing too flashy. Gold would be nice…” After swallowing down your pride, you gained the courage to face Gabriel again. This time he wasn’t looking at you, fixated on his soft, big curls that flowed down to his mid-back.

He combed his fingers through them, patiently waiting for you to interject. You pressed your lips together into a fine line, not knowing what to say. Since it was the only thing you could come up with, and the awkward silence was threatening your dignity, you queried, “Why did you decide to grow it out? Your hair, I mean.” Without moving a single muscle, Gabriel’s eyes flashed a dark look your way.

You involuntarily flinched, wings twitching with suspicion. Gabriel’s usual bright, welcoming, sapphires had seemed to dull to a depressing, almost sinister, shade of gray slate. His left eyebrow raised dramatically, the rest of Gabriel’s features hard as stone. He blinked once and the expression was gone, replaced with a goofy grin and rosy cheeks. You hesitantly rested your hand over your heart, an ache being gently lifted off your shoulders. Gabriel spoke, that same icy tone had crept its way back from his first arrival.

A hint of sweetness only masked over it, “Remember how you would say you loved when I let my hair grow freely? How you hated to see me grab a pair of scissors just to chop it all down to less than shoulder length? That’s about all there is to it. I did it out of respect for my best friend, (Full Name).” You smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of your neck, “Well, I’m glad you finally came to your senses; I think it looks wonderful on you.” Gabriel gave a small nod as a “thank you”, his large figure rising up off your mattress. “Speaking of the event, I must start getting ready, it could start at any moment.”

You squinted as Gabriel waltzed out completely unbothered, not even giving you a small wave. The door shut, the loud slam caused you to slightly jump. You took in a deep breath and your widened wings slowly wrapped around your anxious figure, comfortably warming your unusually cold skin. With a grunt, you stretched yourself out in standing position. "What was that defensive look about? All I did was ask about his hair." You audibly wondered, heading over to your bureau.

You paused and tilted your head a little, a troubled face looked back at you through the reflection. Something seemed off, but you couldn't pinpoint what it was. You leaned toward the mirror, hand stretched as if to reach out for something invisible to the eye. You squinted, observing the mirror more closely. There was nothing there that was out of the ordinary. You sighed roughly, feeling comfortable enough to finally pull back. Your paranoia had been almost instantly proven wrong.

You blinked for a millisecond, and there stood a freakishly tall and slender shadow, its black figure practically camouflaged into the darkness of your closet. It stared at you with soulless sockets, their shape unnatural and elongated, very similar to that of an old cartoon. You bit back a scream and snapped your head back towards the creature with your back faced toward the mirror. It disappeared, nowhere in sight.

Suddenly, you heard a mangled voice gurgle out some close to unintelligible phrase right against your ear. The only translatable words were "The end is near. Soon the world will crumble from his wrath." Out of impulse, you slammed your fist against the glass, pieces abruptly shattering across the floor, the loud cracks screeched in your ears. You pulled your hand back, knuckles already stained with blood. All you did was pop your fingers, a quiet hiss only subtly revealing the pain stabbing at the joints in your hand.

"All of that was delusion. I need to finish getting ready." You were getting used to telling yourself that, ever since Gabriel had returned. Although, that felt real. Almost too real. If that was what you thought it was, you could not tell anyone. Gabriel had promised he had gotten rid of all alternates, and you weren't going to completely ruin his reputation just because you're starting to see things. Gabriel was your world, and you couldn't imagine his own crumbling because of you. If keeping him safe requires hurting yourself, you've been prepared for the fall.

Your eyes widened. “This place is filled to the brim. I’ll never get inside at this rate.” You muttered, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. Because he was the ‘guest of honor’, Gabriel had already arrived before anyone could step foot into the pub. You were wearing your best, its design covered in intricate symbols, each having its own distinct meaning. Yet, it's not like it really mattered, people were too busy shoving you around to get inside to take note of your dazzling outfit. You felt a sharp pain in your head coming on. “You have got to be kidding me…”

Unfortunately, as an angel, you were not limited to the everyday pains of that which a mortal human would feel, back pains especially came naturally to you. Trying your best to ignore that intense, godforsaken migraine that pounded across your mind, you squeezed yourself through the mass of individuals, an occasional “Sorry.” “Excuse me.” “Pardon me.” under your breath.

Once you finally made it in, you closed your eyes, letting your lungs take in the pub’s strangely intoxicating smell. It was citrusy, with a hint of freshly handcrafted booze. It reminded you of humans’ casinos, except less… sinful.

A large chandelier hung above your head, its beautiful ornaments twinkled in spite of the darkness that surrounded the object. The party had just begun about five minutes ago, and the pub was already buzzing with people of various ethnic backgrounds. From the fairest skinned sharp-eyed Russian, to the buzzling group of deep dark brown Africans and their hyperactive latinx companions, diversity was no small thing at this event, or in Heaven in general. This fact alone proved your point of Gabriel being a star in the world’s eyes. You weren’t jealous, in fact, you were just as vulnerable to Gabriel’s undying charm as everyone else in this building.

Music of all kinds blared through the speakers, it's hard bass causing you to slam your palms over your ears. The sea of bodies swayed forward, toward a balcony hanging overhead. You followed suit; a beaming figure rose from the darkness of the room of the balcony. He raised his hand slowly, then, in a blink of an eye, it whipped across the air in one quick movement. The whole pub silenced themselves. The man let his hand fall to his lap gently, resting on top of the one he wasn’t using. He bowed to the crowd, most returning the gesture.

Once he had risen back to standing posture, he raised his arms up high, very similarly to God’s act this morning. As if in sync, his vast wings flashed out, a gust of wind blew across the masses. Now that he had really allowed you to look at them, the scars on Gabriel’s left wing were not there, at all. It was almost as if the injury had never happened.

Gabriel spoke, causing you to rushingly shift your focus back onto his face. It looked stern, an almost exact replica of the expression he gave you back at your loft. It sent an uncanny shiver down your spine. “It is truly an honor to be with you all on this charming evening, I thank you for your hospitality. I may have freed the mortal world from harm, but you, the people and protectors of all that is holy, are the true heroes. There is no sin without justice, as well as there is no justice without sin.” Angels from all around roared, chanting things most of which were unintelligible to you.

[ndjournal]

How’s your dream going?

it’s been a while since i’ve heard about you!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Dearest anon, my dream is well and peaceful although I am indifferent to it either way now which is what makes it peaceful and effortless :)

I considered writing a post on my learnings but was a bit hesitant because it's just another version of an experience that's already been spoken/written about many times before and there's nothing particularly special about this one. However, since you've asked, I will share some things about my journey and what has helped me personally which might help other Vanessas/versions of me out there. Please only take what resonates, my journey is not a blueprint for all journeys however I have noticed some commonalities in truth seekers.

The biggest thing was quite literally giving up entirely. I actually wrote a post on giving up about 3 months ago when I was earlier into this 'journey' and I still agree of course with what I wrote however I would write it differently if I were to write it now (it would be a more expanded version); perhaps I will write a part 2 although this answer here can sort of be taken as a part 2. You see, this Vanessa's life was quite comfortable in general so when she started on the ND path, while she was very determined to "get it", I wasn't motivated or entirely willing to give her up. We spent a lot of time letting go of concepts and limitations (and that definitely helped later on so I'm not saying it's not helpful, do what resonates for you!) and Vanessa/the ego was becoming subtler and subtler but it was still something I held onto. There was still identification with not much motivation to give it up entirely - sure there had been desire and interest to 'materialize' things but when we gave that up too, there wasn't anything. I was still lost in Maya despite the dream not being all that captivating or enjoyable.

Then quite literally life circumstances all of a sudden threw some major curveballs and Vanessa was terrified despite all that she had learned - it felt like all knowledge had suddenly disappeared and she had absolutely nothing to hold onto. After trying various things and going round in circles trying to keep everything at bay, the only thing left that really resonated was to quite literally give up on everything - it felt like there was no other option for peace but to do so because she was so mentally exhausted and drained from caring about every single thing that it was so much more appealing to be nothing and no one, to just BE… oh just the thought of being nothing and no one was freeing.

4dbarbie's words here gave Vanessa a lot of strength and direction (although her answer there was for a new identity, I did not use it for that as it was exhausting to even think of a new identity. I just wanted to be nothing and no one, that was most peaceful)

Give UP: It is what it is and 'you' can't do anything about it. Just let it all happen, we all die one day and it's over anyway. Worrying, fearing, doubting, striving, searching, desiring - how tiring, you would much rather sleep a hundred years. No matter what, you can't force life to give you what you want. Allow everything its being and leave it alone. Expect nothing from your body or mind. Let them do whatever they want, cease caring. Literally dgaf, if life wants to beat you, just let it beat you. (Ever had a bully? They get bored when you stop reacting and they leave you alone. They may increase the strength of their punches at first, but so what? You're already getting bullied... you can do nothing about it but cease caring and let it happen.)

And also this from 4dbarbie helped me understand the indifference that I had to embody:

I did not fake a lack of disturbance, I just let things happen to 'me' painful or not, I did not try not to react, I just didn't get involved emotionally with what was going on because I was tired, completely, of both desiring and being scared. The emotions didn't interest me anymore, I became indifferent to whatever was happening, neutral. If 'I' got what I wanted, whatever, if I didn't whatever again. I didn't try to change anything, the events just passed without leaving a 'footprint', all the bad/unwanted things had no reverberations anymore, it was like they never existed. Then there comes the idea of: what if they never actually did? And you fiddle and play with that a little. It's just play because you don't really care anymore, it's a real feeling of being unaffected, it's not manufactured because you aren't trying to get anything, not even 'realization', you want nothing anymore. This detached feeling, of needing nothing - it brings a lot of power, try to at least reach that and worry about the rest later.

She knew she had to stop trying to fight life but she was afraid of what would happen if she did stop trying. Eventually she got exhausted and had nothing left. Then no longer wanting/searching/trying to make happen any particular outcome or caring anymore, just pure indifference being in the present moment with no conditions/labels/problems is what gave her peace and then things just starting to ease up on their own. Things even happening on their own with just a random thought without any particular input.

I realized all the practices that Vanessa did before the curveballs had a 'doing' intention, a 'purpose' behind them (quieting the mind, self-realization, dropping beliefs etc) while afterwards, the same 'practices' were engaged again but with the intention of just being with no labels, no agenda, just being nothing and no one and this made all the difference - when you are no longer doing anything - you are not the doer/body/ego/mind; you're just being with no identification and no longer care about anything. And the indifference here is not forced or pretend like she used to have before as a defense mechanism, its genuine true indifference and full acceptance of everything (see the second 4dbarbie excerpt above - understanding and experiencing this subtle difference will help a lot).

The reality only comes when you give up yourself, when you give up your ego, when you give up your needs, your wants, trying to make something happen, desires, when you give up trying to become self-realized, when you just give up. - Robert Adams

Life is just a giant mirror of your Self. When you stop fighting it, it will stop too. But you have to be the one to initiate it. It takes courage and faith for sure to take that leap.

It has no choice but to die. What you take to be reality is the same, take away your identification and it soon ceases to be. - 4dbarbie

It can be easy to get lost in the dream again if you get caught up in the 'materialization' aspect - it's all still a dream even if forms change. Lester also talked about this in No Attachments, No Aversions:

I knew these things were not to be latched on to. I knew that if I got interested in them, I'd stop progressing. I had seen by this time that this world is a mentation - a dream. So to get interested in the dream again through interest in powers would trap me back into what I was wanting to get out of. - Lester Levenson

Also remember these things happen on their own, it's not the ego that's doing any of this and Self doesn't 'do' - Self is just effortlessly being. There's no 'doing' involved. If there's effort, it's ego as Lester said.

Now when I read my past blog posts or read Lester or Robert, there's an entirely new level of understanding and resonance with their words from before. This excerpt from Silence of the Hearts speaks more on what I was experiencing as well.

Let go of everything. Do not hold on. Stand naked before God, without any crutches, without anything to hold on to. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to stand naked before God. By standing naked I mean no scripture, no fancy words, no preconceived ideas, no spiritual intellectual knowledge. - Robert Adams

Perhaps without those curveballs, Vanessa would have continued to live in the illusion like an NPC in a Sims game until something like that happened to her and forced her to completely give up on everything and stand naked before God (her Self).

A day will come when you will long for the ending of the dream with all your heart and mind, and be willing to pay any price; the price will be dispassion and detachment and the loss of interest in the dream itself. Once you have seen that you are dreaming, you shall wake up. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Now I know all happens by itself and I am just witness to it all. To all Vanessas out there, I know you got this. Follow your heart and trust in what resonates! And remember not to compare yourself to others, we are all One. Everything will be okay 💜💜💜

[eemamminy-art]

Rambling about 7.0 msq spoilers and ships ahead 🥴

Okay so. If you've talked to me at all about dawntrail spoilers privately you know this: I love Otis. I fucking LOVE Otis. Loyal knight who puts his charge above his own life? AND he's a robot? This hole was made for me etc. etc. (and to boot I loved the english VA's voice ever since I heard him as Thaliak in myths of the realm 👀) so when during the mock up play in "A Knight of Alexandria" the actress playing Sphene calls Otis "my dearest" and Lamaty'i repeats it to call attention to it, you know I was like "holy shit. I am never shutting up about this EVER. He gave his life up for her TWICE and even this simulacrum of him is still so torn up over her? Gutted, I'm so here for this hi hello"

However also.... Sphene and Lamaty'i are possibly the closest thing to a femslash ship ffxiv has ever given us other than maybe rynegaia or zershtola (or fordolyse in 4.1, the gayest patch ever and here's why I love stormblood in this essay I will--) I SEE the vision!! Even as I was crying about Otis I was like dude but the doomed yuri is right there. It's so tragic 👀 Never to be but also what if...? In another life....?

Basically:

and mostly I've been leaning toward Sphene/Otis, but gosh. Oh goodness me. I saw the rerecorded scene? You know, from the trial? Lamaty'i screaming her heart out while Sphene utters this quiet "Lamaty'i." I was like, tearing up genuinely. I'M TEARING UP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN AAAAAAAA

I think Sphene is a really curious case for me. I'm typically not that into very feminine women and prefer androgynous or masc women, and also knowing it's not the "real" her I have been like, well. I don't need to get attached. But I'm such a romantic lol I keep thinking about who she was. And even though that's not the Sphene we meet, and Lamaty'i is well aware of that, I think she's fallen for the ghost of her too. She sees that the person who is long gone was so kind and compassionate, and sees mirrors of herself in her. She offers up her kindness and empathy to the endless Sphene, even knowing it's a recreation of her made out of data and raw energy. She's a good person like that 🥺

So now I find myself being like fuck, I really like both ships. 😫 I think if Otis had lived-- be it "living" as an endless or his real soul continuing to live in the mechanical body-- I think he would have accepted Sphene's love for Lamaty'i with open arms. He's just happy to see her happy, you know? 🥺 I'm sure Lamaty'i would accept him too, she already loves him for all that he did for Gulool Ja, I could imagine the four of them as a happy little family... if things weren't all doomed from the start 😭 ooouuuuggghhhhh

Anyway yeah I just wanted to get out my thoughts on this 👀 it's the main thing that's really gripped me by the throat in dawntrail!!

Well. Besides that elezen goldsmith from Ul'dah that we see all of three times 😂

[iiotic]

༻༉What letters?

(Human) Alastor x Fem!reader - (2/2)

TW - swearing, mentions of death.

How could you look at him the same when he had left you heartbroken like that?

How could you forgive him for everything he'd done?

How could you act like everything was fine when it wasn't?

You looked up at the tall creature before you with fear in your eyes. None of you said anything. His red eyes staring at you, almost like you were his prey and he was your predator. He was smiling. Why the hell was he always smiling like nothing has ever happen?

- Why didn't you respond to any of my letters? - The fear in your eyes slowly turning into anger and sorrow. - You promised me you'd write back to me. Then tell me why didn't i receive anything?

His eyes narrowed and his smile grew bigger. - What letters? - His voice sounding like an old radio. The static was ringing in yours ears, causing you a headache. - I never received any of your letters, dear.

- Stop lying to me, Alastor. - You quickly interrupted his sentence. - I wrote to you everyday, hoping for a response from you. Tell me, why didn't you fulfil our promise?

- I would-- He was interrupted once again. This time by the owner of the hotel. She walked up to you two with an excited face, screaming your name.

She slowed down as she saw who you were talking to. Her excited smile slowly turned into an more nervous one.

- I see you two already met each other. - Charlie said focusing more on Alastor, hoping that he didn't do anything stupid. - In case that he didn't introduce himself his name is Alastor. But I'm sure you've already heard of him. I just came her to say that your room is ready.

You thanked Charlie as you were truly grateful for everything she already has done for you. Without her you would probably be homeless, just waiting to get killed in the next extermination. Soon enough Charlie completely ignored Alastor, dragging you along to introduce to you everyone in the hotel.

- So that was Niffty! We're 80% sure she's harmless. And this is the bar and the bartender - She said pointing on an avian cat demon, absolutely screaming with excitement. But can you really blame her? You were her second true guest!

The demon behind the bar just looked at you for a second turning back around to whatever he was doing.

- Oh! Vaggie here!! - She said waving at a girl with long white hair with a jagged, moth-like shape to the cut, with gray-lavender stripes at the ends. Charlie quickly introduced her too. - And this is my girlfriend, Vaggie.

Vaggie just gave you a slight smile while telling Charlie that they should talk in private. Apologising Charlie said that she was going to be right back.

So now you were left all alone in the lobby. You decided to sit on the couch to think about everything that has just happened.

"Okay so there's an afterlife and i'm not so surprisingly in hell. Im in a place filled with crazy psychos.." You pinched the bridge of your nose. Looking around at your surroundings, hoping that this is all a dream. "Some surprisingly happy woman allowed me to stay at her hotel for as long as i want to. And in this hotel there's my childhood bestfriend. Amazing."

- Fucking amazing - You said out loud as you heard Charlie coming back wanting to continue the tour.

---

You woke up to the sound of someone knocking on your door. Getting up and throwing a blanket on yourself you yelled that they should come in.

And he did.

- What are you doing here, Alastor? - You looked at him with anger in your eyes. - I don't want to see you.

- Well, dearest. - He paused thinking how he should put it in words. - I just wanted to make few things clear beetwen us.

- We haven't seen each others in years and here you are being mad at me because you didn't keep our little promise.

- I didn't keep it? - You got up from your sitting position on your bed and started to slowly walk up to him. - I always stayed up late at night writing letters to you every-fucking-day. I thought that you would care just a little to write back to maybe I don't fucking one. Atleast one letter?

- As i said earlier, i didn't receive any letters. - He looked at you calmly with his signature smile - However I'd like to know your excuse to not responding to my letters.

- I didn't receive any letters Alastor! - God, you were so mad at him. He truly broke your heart. You liked him.. No you lived him for such a long time. He was your first crush and now? He was just a fucking manipulator. - Why the fuck are you lying to me?

- I'd like to discuss this matter calmly. - He said referring to you cussing him in every sentence and your unstoppable yelling. - How about I'll take you to a cafe, my treat.

After considering his offer you agreed. You really needed to know what happened between you two and if he was really lying. It was quite dumb for you to just assume he was a liar without any proof but I guess it was the adrenaline rushing through your veins.

This morning you borrowed a dress from Charlie becouse you didn't have any other clothes then the ones that you've fallen in. It was a black dress just below your knees with an sweetheart neckline. She also borrowed you her jewelry so now you're also wearing a golden necklace.

The time of day has come and Alastor knocked to your bedroom once again. Thus time you opened the door closing it behind, ready to go.

---

Alastor snapping his finger teleported both of you to a nearby cafe. Coming in and gesturing you to chose a table. After you choose one he pulled out the chair for you and took a seat before you.

- So dear. - He looked up at you - That dress really compliments your figure.

- Thank you however it isn't mine. Now I'd like you to explain what happened?

- I don't know what you're talking about, darling. - Oh now he is acting dumb?

- I'll ask one last time. Why didn't you respond to any of my letters? - You asked, this time calmly. Crossing your arms.

- and I'll say one last time. I didn't receive them. - He said looking out of the window, seeing demons suffer. - I always thought that you didn't write them, that you've forgotten about me.

- I'd never forget you, Alastor. You meant a lot for me. - You responded looking out of the window as well - I couldn't imagine life without you. That's why I was truly heartbroken when i didn't ses you write back.

- I was writing to you, so many times. In fact i always wrote to you on the end of every week. - He confessed - For over 15 years.

- But i didn't receive anything?

- Neither did i, dear - Maybe it was the wrong address? Maybe I just didn't know how to send letters? Maybe I didn't actually send them?

- So.. I'm sorry I'm so embarrassed right now. - You looked at your lap fidgeting with your fingers - I should have never yelled at you like. It was very immature of me to accuse you of something you didn't do.

- That's fine, darling - he said looking back at you lowering his tone a bit - Everything is fine between us?

You looked at him with hope in your eyes. Oh how much you wanted to bring things to normal, how it was earlier when you were kids. - Yeah everything is fine.

-Smile my dear! You know you're never fully dressed without one.

(A/N) I rushed the ending so much.. Just because I posted it halfway done and had to speed run the rest. I hope y'all enjoy!

[a-romantics-guide-to-life]

⋆ ₊☽˚𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼˚☾₊ ⋆ 

𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂 : you and coryo had gone through hell and back, you've been together and far apart yet you could never find the courage to say how you truly feel for him. so, you wrote them into letter form, but you never sent them. and so what happens when one mr. snow finds each and every letter only to realize that it's too late?

𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : written in letter form from the readers perspective, talks of jealousy and sad feelings, r is definitely from the capitol, self blame, kinda sorta depression, angst, deceit, suicide, coryo finally responds

𝓪/𝓷 : so here’s the grand finale! thank you all for all the support and love on this fic, i turly am so grateful for every single note, kudos, reblog, and comment (even if its just you telling me how i made you cry ; ) ) here we are! hope you enjoy!

𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽

⋆ ₊ ☽ ·˚𓍲⋆ 𝓮𝓹𝓲𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓮⋆𓍲˚· ☾ ₊ ⋆

To my Dearest Darling,

My love, my darling, words cannot describe the pain in my chest.

You can’t truly be gone. This must be some kind of hoax. I find that my eyes that you once called the most precious gems are filled with tears as I read the letter I received promptly after returning back from 12. 

I have many regrets my dearest, but my most haunting is you.

I can’t believe what a fool I have been, to have tossed you to the side when you have been there for me in a way that no one else can. 

Your family has invited me to your funeral, the audacity of those ingrates. They plundered your room, taking anything and everything. Which is how they happened upon your delicate box filled with tear stained letters.

All addressed to me.

The shock that overcame me as I heard straight from your bastard of a father had nearly killed me alone.

He had told me that you had thrown yourself off a bridge. Called you an ungrateful whore who didn’t do anything but take his money and take advantage of your family's good name.

I nearly jumped up from my seat and beat your father to death. How dare he call you names when every single dollar he ever gave you to keep you quiet lay in my drawer. How dare he call you an ungrateful whore for turning down an arranged marriage. And how dare he belittle you behind your cold back when I know I have hurt you like no other.

I have turned my back on you when you have been my greatest supporter, even greater than my own cousin. I have chosen another girl over you who has loved me since the very beginning, since we were young. I have cut you so deeply that you could not bear living anymore.

How could I?

Please my darling, you must know that I, there is no way I can atone for my sins, not that you are no longer here.

Please my darling, you must forgive me.

Please, please, please. 

Please forgive me for not writing to you all those years ago when we were young and caught in the middle of a war we had no part in. Please forgive me for not seeing you as the Angel you truly are.

Please forgive me for not noticing how you hurt for me, a man who is so undeserving of your compassion and empathy. 

Please forgive me for turning my back on you, even when I knew that you understood me like no other. Please forgive me for not hearing your pleas for me to wake up, for not thanking you for weeping over my sickly frame.

Please forgive me for not turning to you first, my loudest cheer when Lucy Gray was finally out of that arena. Please forgive me for not noticing how you were hurting, how you were aching, as I held you when I kissed you cheek tenderly. Please forgive me for not seeing your inner turmoil.

Please forgive me for not seeing how you loved me.

Please forgive me for becoming the very thing I hated. Please forgive me for giving into the temptation that was Lucy Gray. Please forgive me for not telling you, the one who’d never even breath about my deepest secrets to another, that I had been exiled.

Please forgive me for leaving you all by yourself in the large, large Capitol. Please forgive me for not even thinking about how you would feel all by yourself.

Please forgive me for not being there for you when Billius proposed to you. Please forgive me for not being there for you.

Please forgive me for not telling you the truth.

To be honest, it’s been eating up my insides. I wanted to tell you so badly. I regret it so much, I never even realized how much I would suffer, how much you would suffer, from my actions. 

Darling, please forgive me. Please forgive me. Darling, please forgive me for lying to you.

For not loving you like I have.

For not showing you how much I love you. 

Please, darling, forgive me.  

Wherever you are, please forgive me. 

Please, darling, forgive me.

Sweet Angel, my heart felt ripped out of my chest as I saw your delicate face in a coffin, skin cold and flushed pale. Your parents were as stone faced as usual, their eyes bone dry. 

Sweet Darling, I pray that you forgive me from the great beyond. I pray that you watch over me and guide me to become a person worthy of your love for as I am now, I am undeserving of your life, your tears, your love. 

My Dearest Darling, as I read all those letters and saw the tear stains that marred the paper, my heart ached for you, felt the unbearable pain that no number of sorrys and whiskeys can drown out. 

My Dearest Darling, I love you.

I am so sorry that I have been an ignorant fool who is unworthy of everything you ever gave me. 

I now know that I will never smile again, unless I smile with you.

Please wait for me my Darling.

Please forgive me,

Coryo

[euhla]

To you, who have lost yourself:

aventurine x gn!reader. a/n : guess who just broke up w their first ever bf 🤓☝️ tags. light angst, (not rlly) hurt/comfort, breakups, mainly just aven’s letter 4u. might add p2 but idk

Everything went like a dream at first; everything tastes sweet, all of Aventurine's demeanor and words always leave an impression on your mind. He was born to be a gentleman, you think.

But you should know more than anyone, that every sweet attitude and speech is a trap. A trap that pushes you over the edge of a cliff.

The cliff is that will lead you to an endless darkness.

“You look breathtaking, Ves'tacha.” and his hand always guides you.

You always loved it when you woke up in the morning, and looked at him still asleep in awe. How can there be a human who looks so stunning?

Stroking his hair, you always say good morning as soon as you see him start to open his eyes. The birds are chirping, and you both are still rotting in bed.

But saying goodbye was never in your vision. The ‘in the end, everyone you’ve ever loved will became a lesson’ was never be your wish. But you can't deny that not falling for sweet words is a lesson for you.

“This is not your fault, but mine. I.. i just need some time alone.” you are now reluctant to hear the words that came out of his mouth.

“But not breakup!” You can’t help but try to hold back your tears. But all you heard next were excuses coming out of his mouth.

How many days have passed since that day? You don't remember it anymore. You start to overworking yourself to forget it.

Forgetting how to eat on time, and how you miss sleeping with someone in your arms.

That first week was like hell, all you remember is crying. Staring at the letter you were holding, you just listened silently to Topaz—your ex's friend—excuse herself.

You ignore the letter for eight days, reluctant to open and read it. Or maybe you are afraid that you will remember everything again?

Day nine, you try to read it. Aventurine's handwriting that you've been missing all this time is clearly visible on the letter.

The “For you, who have lost yourself” writing is clearly visible on the front of the letter, written a little large by purpose.

‘Dearest,

I hope this letter is delivered safely to you.

I don't want to take back my apology. I also don't regret knowing you all this time. I can be happy and finding out about happiness all this time thanks to you. I can feel what love is thanks to you. I can live and love this life thanks to you. The other side of my heart desperately seeking for you, but it’s all too late now..

I can’t change the fact that i’ve hurt you— someone who loved me, also who’s important to me.

After spending a lot of time thinking and asking Topaz for advice, I decided to write a letter of apology—or rather the words I wish I could have said to you sooner:

Your presence always brings calm to me. I don't know how I can describe all the things you make me feel. And you are appreciated, please remember that well. You must love yourself more than you love other people.

I’m very proud of you. You are enough just as you are.

And I never lie when I praise you. I never lie when I say 'I love you'. I didn't lie when I confessed my feelings to you at that time. I never lie about everything I do and say to you.

I'm sorry I couldn't say this sooner.

I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell you everything, especially my past.

I'm sorry for being such a coward hiding behind my words.

I'm sorry I didn't say this directly because I knew you would hate me

I’m sorry for all my mistakes.

It was while writing this letter that I realized the real reason I asked to break up; I want you to find someone better than me. Who doesn't just rely on his words even though he is actually a coward.

All my apologies are not enough to replace your feelings which were hurt because of my actions and words.

‘To love is to let go.’ That's the advice Topaz gave me. And it took eight days for me to understand it.

So please, find someone better than me.‘

[twstgarden]

❀ ❝ 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲'𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 ❞

━ malleus draconia x gn! reader ━ hating how your body works will always be a feeling you've grown accustomed to. at one point, your dearest lover found you breaking down and loathing yourself and he attempts to comfort you and show you just how much of a gem you truly are. (f/n means first name)

cw: (including, but not limited to) topics of self-loathing, talks of dysphoria

requested by: @meleanorsslave <3 <3 request type: oneshot - hurt/comfort trope requester's message: i'm hungry for some hurt/comfort and i saw that your requests are open. May I request fluff oneshot of malleus with a reader who is physically weak? like, malleus comforts the reader while the reader vents out their frustration about the way their body works totally not bcs that's relatable. oh, not to forget, I hope you're feeling alright, eating 3 meals a day and having a good rest!! don't overwork yourself, mina!! <3 florist's note: this request hit a liiiittle bit too close to home. apologies it took a while~ my own writing is making me cry with how realistic this is lololol. and to everyone who self-loathes or those with bdd, please know you are loved and you matter. you are perfect the way you are <3

this work does not contain spoilers for chapter 7, diasomnia's arc.

do not steal or translate without my permission.

within the confines of your dorm room, there you stood once more by the mirror, unable to look at yourself in the eye yet brave enough to stare at your own body with so much hate and disgust.

it's not your fault, they say, but it feels like it is. every physical education class always ends up with you either getting left out of the activities or getting to work twice or even thrice as hard as your other classmates - all because you were physically weak.

why were you like this?

why were you born so weak?

what mistakes could you have possibly made in your previous life that you ended up being cursed this way?

all those thoughts roamed in your head as you kept staring at yourself in the mirror. it's not like you haven't tried to improve yourself. you've done a lot of things to improve your weaknesses. every suggestion and every advice was taken into consideration, yet it never seemed to work.

your eyes glazed over yourself as you stared at the mirror, looking at your arms, legs, shoulders, and even your torso with great hatred. i would trade everything i have just to not be like this, kept chanting in your head until you started tearing up.

not only am i physically weak, but it was enough to send me crying like a goddamn baby, your voice echoed in your head as your tearing up turned into soft sniffles and sobs.

unbeknownst to you, someone was passing by your room and heard your muffled sobs through the door. footsteps were then heard entering your room before he knelt down next to you.

"f/n? what's wrong? did someone hurt you?"

malleus' voice somehow made you sob even more. you felt pathetic now that even your boyfriend caught you like this. he immediately brought you close to him, holding you in his arms as you kept crying and mumbling words that sent him worrying.

"why am i like this...?"

"what?" malleus responded in shock as he continued holding you, but looked down at you to see you crying into his chest, completely surprised at your question.

"why am i so weak? why was i born like this?" you sobbed as you tightened your grip around him, making him caress your hair as he realized what you were saying.

you sniffled as he held your hand and brought it up to his lips, planting a soft kiss on them as you looked up. he continued to trail kisses from your hand to your arm before moving to your forehead and cheeks.

"every spot that gets a kiss means they are perfect," whispered malleus before he continued showering you with soft and gentle kisses, "i don't ever want to hear you doubt yourself, my love. you're magnificent the way you are."

"you're not weak," whispered malleus once more as he placed a kiss on your shoulder before placing a finger under your chin to make you look at him, "what made you loathe yourself so much?"

you cast your gaze away from him as you mumbled in reply, "i just... it was always like this, but... today, i... was left out in class again..."

he frowned at your words before pulling in for another hug. you felt comforted and safe in his arms, his warmth and loving touches gave you a sense of security, almost as if he was your safe space.

well, he is your safe space.

"my treasure, let no one in this world make you feel like you are anything less than worthy because they think you're weak. you're not. you've always been one of the most resilient people i've met," spoke the dragon faerie as he gently rubbed your back for some more comfort while hugging you close.

"but..." you trailed off, making him look at you as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

"you're not weak just because you aren't as physically resilient as everyone else. strengths come in different forms, my love." his words brought a sense of comfort in you, especially with how gentle and loving his tone was. he then placed a kiss on your forehead as he whispered, "i love you, f/n. if you feel this way again, please don't ever hide from me."

you nodded a little in response as you hugged him tight, sniffling softly as your crying died down a little, "...thank you... for being there for me..."

a faint smile ghosted over malleus' lips as he caressed your hair, "why are you thanking me? i'm your beloved. i'd consider myself a failure if i could not even comfort the person i love the most in this entire universe."

you didn't know how to respond to that as you looked up at him, "i... but still, thank you... you've been the best partner to me and..." malleus placed a finger on your lips to make you stop talking as he smiled, "don't thank me, love. how about we buy your favourite dessert? we can stay in and eat your treats while watching your favourite movie."

you smiled in response to that and nodded, which gave him permission to carry you in his arms while walking out of your room and leaving the dormitory to buy some snacks in sam's shop or visit the cafeteria to see what they have in store.

while he was walking down the main street with you in his arms, you kissed his cheek with a sweet smile and said, "oh, and i love you, too. more than you could ever know..."

a sweet smile found its way onto malleus' lips, "how cute of you, child of man, and because of that, you can buy as many treats as you want."

© twstgarden 2023 || please do not steal, translate without my permission, or use this to train a.i.

[penncilkid]

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE /LH

Congratulations Vindemiator! You are the Sexyman of the Imperium!

I’ll be honest I’m genuinely surprised Vega lost. He and Vindemiator were really battling it out on this one. Vega would pull ahead and then Vindemiator would shoot forward and they did that like 3 times

But congratulations Vindemiator!