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the-bounce-back · 4 years ago

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5 STEPS TO EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT FROM TOXIC AND USELESS SOMEBODIES

Well, hello there. It’s been a slightly long minute… but I’m back with another banger for your headtops. A lot has happened since my (four month late) birthday post in which I said I was going to write more regularly… but you know what? I refuse to feel bad about it. We’re really in a whole pandemic, life is hurling curveballs at all of us at very disrespectful rates, and now the year is coming to an end very swiftly - like say it wasn’t June just a couple weeks ago. Yes, I’ve been feeling extremely unmotivated to come on here and give everyone a pEpTaLk about how ~*great*~ life is once you let go of everything that’s been holding you back - and that’s okay. I’ve decided to give myself a break instead of beating myself up over it, and can’t lie… I needed it. Besides - posting this post in particular now coincides nicely with releasing and purging all the drama that has been happening during this year before 2021 arrives, so let’s just pretend that the delay was intentional. Okay? Okay!

All jokes aside, I have been struggling a little with writing about this topic, because I really wanted to make sure I did it properly. If you read my never-ending birthday post (if not, read it here), you might remember that one of the points was that learning how to detach yourself from toxic people and situations is pretty much crucial for you to be able to fully let go of the past, to be able to move forward in life without any remorse or guilt, and to never revisit what used to be very painful situations ever again. As much as my own detachment jOuRnEy has been going relatively well, to say that the whole “letting things go and never revisiting them again” thing has proven to be quite the challenge would be the understatement of the century.

By quite the challenge, I mean a f*cking nightmare.

I’m sure many of you can relate when I say that having all this forced time off/downtime throughout the past year has made introspection, reflection and self-analysis pretty much inevitable. Even when you’re just trying to chill and binge watch your favourite box set for the gazillionth time as a distraction, eventually your thoughts catch up with you - forcing you to face certain things that were so easily ignored and avoidable when the outside was still open.

When you spend so much time of a day in your thoughts (trying not to lose your mind from the boredom), it’s only natural to start evaluating your situation, relationships and state of mind. I can only speak for myself, but going from constantly being able to avoid certain thoughts and feelings to suddenly being brutally forced to sit with them ended up being the catalyst I needed to want to find a way to finally strip myself of all the painful baggage, situations and people that have been holding me back from moving forward in life. Aaaand cue the inevitable - but extremely necessary - discomfort that the detachment process brings.

Hella revelations. Hella difficult conversations. Hella growing pains. Hella tears. Hella ended relationships/friendships. The list goes on.

I realise that I’m not exactly selling the whole detachment thing very well, but let’s be very real - it is painful, and you definitely need to be in the correct headspace to even be able to admit to yourself that you’ve allowed a certain situation to go on for so long. I can’t even lie, living in denial and turning a blind eye to former fRiEnDs’ behaviours and how they treated me was a hell of a lot easier. I accidentally got into the habit of justifying and defending other peoples’ mistakes and sh*tty behaviours, no matter how much it hurt me in the process… all because I saw pOtEntIaL in them.

Bruh. Typing it out like this and reading it out to myself is even annoying me. Ya girl is pissed for letting this sh*t run because where was my logic? My critical thinking skills? Common sense? InTuItIoN that I claim to have?! Was my third eye asleep?!

Sigh. Let me relax. It is well… no point in beating myself up over it now. But still.

However - with that being said - I definitely feel like I had to put myself through a lot of that sh*t, because if I hadn’t I’d definitely still be clinging on to expired/toxic friendships and connections. Going through it really had me in a place of suspecting that everyone wanted to hurt me and/or take advantage of my kindness. Luckily, I met some amazing people along the way that reminded me that not everyone is trash, that I am deserving of genuine and real connections, and that I need to learn how to let go of people once they start moving all kinds of mad… enter the concept of detachment.

As you can probably tell from the ever so slightly passive-aggressive title - no, I haven’t fully mastered the art of detachment… yet. I definitely have a long way to go before I can commit to the last couple of steps of the process, because as a chronic overthinker that looooves to analyse past situations and an eMpAtH that hates giving up on people, simply ~*letting go*~ is infinitely more easier said than done… but definitely not impossible. It really is an ongoing process, and I can tell you from now that you will revert back into the toxic mindsets that lead you to your current situation at least 1000 times along the way… but what’s important is learning how to g-check yourself, remind yourself why you are doing this and to keep it pushing no matter what.

Anyways. Without further ado, keep on reading to find out how to leave your d*ckhead exes, fake-ass friends and painful memories in 2020, so you can move forward into 2021 with love, light, a clean slate, peace of mind and all that other corny and cringe sh*t that we all crave - and never look back. Enjoy!

1. Set a very concrete reason why you want to start the detachment process.

Usually, this is a no-brainer. Most likely, the person you’ve decided you want to detach from has just done or said something unforgivable that makes you feel sick for ever even being associated with them. Or, you’ve clocked a series of minor violations that have built up over time… and one more tiny violation pushes you over the edge and makes you lose your head. Either way, it works as a catalyst to make you finally realise just how little respect they have for you, your feelings or your mental health.

However, there are certain situations where the reason may not be as clear as “she f*cked my ex” or “he stole £5k from my account” - sometimes, it’s literally just a gut feeling that someone doesn’t have your best interests at heart the way you have for them. Regardless, it is important to remember that any and all reasons to want to let someone go are valid, and you don’t owe anybody an explanation. This is your healing process and journey, and you’re the one that’s going to have to deal with the pain of it - so anyone that has any remarks on how/why/when you do it can choke, because what’s their own?

With that being said, it is imperative to make sure that the reason is strong enough for you to be able to stick to the process - because believe me when I say that there will be times where you’ll start asking yourself if you’re overreacting, if it’s really that deep, you’re being too sEnSiTiVe or being too radical. These thoughts are either a way for our mind to avoid having to process a lot of sh*t that will probably be very emotionally painful to work through, or a result of being gaslighted and being told that it’s nothing serious. In those cases, a strong reason should be enough to keep you reminded of why you are putting yourself through this process. It should keep you going, and help you find yourself on your darkest days when you just want to give up.

For me, determining a good reason that I know I will stick to became easier over time, because I realised that really delving deep into the root cause of the issue makes everything so much clearer. For example - yes, while Lucy shagging your ex and then meeting up with you for drinks is violation enough, chances are that if you dig deeper, you’ll realise that there’s been repeated pattern of her not respecting you as a friend, disregarding your feelings and not caring about how her actions affect you. In instances like this, it becomes easier to commit to cutting them out of your life, because it’s not just a “one-off” violation, if that makes sense.

The bottom line is that regardless of what the reason is, it should be a clear indication that you are choosing you. Your mental health, your sanity, your energy, your present and your future - and why would you want to jeopardize any of these for someone that clearly doesn’t appreciate your worth?

2. Find healthy coping methods to release your emotions.

I’ll be honest with you - the beginning of the detachment process is definitely the most difficult part, emotionally speaking. Yes, the whole journey is hard, but it’s in the beginning where you have to adapt to not speaking to this person anymore, not seeing them anymore, and having to force yourself to establish heavy boundaries with them… which will most likely be met with reactions that will make you want to respond in some way. Just because you know someone isn’t good for you anymore, doesn’t mean that your old feelings for the person just magically evaporate into nothing.

As much as you may hate to admit it to others and even yourself, you’re going to be hurting. And pain has a way of pushing us to find coping methods to release these emotions - or not have to deal with them at all.

Trust me, as much as I understand and can personally attest to that coping methods that numb your senses may feel like the best option at the time, the truth is that they do nothing for your personal growth. Sure, sometimes you just don’t want to feel - but what happens when you’re sober again? The feelings come right back - and now you’re really playing a dangerous game that can lead to spiralling, health problems and addiction. In the long run, you rarely end up feeling any better.

Healthy coping mechanisms look different for everyone, but there are definitely a few that are universal and can be good for pretty much anyone regardless of the specifics of the situation.

Talking to someone you trust (or a therapist). Working out. Indulging (heavily) in self-care. Doing things that bring you joy. Finding a creative outlet that you can pour all your feelings into… like a mental health blog(!). The possibilities are endless if you stay open minded and genuinely want to get better.

For those that may be stuck in that dark place where literally nothing will make you feel better (except maybe the person you’re trying to detach from… gets like that sometimes), or you feel like your energy is extremely limited - try to set one goal for the day. Just the one. Even if it is just tidying your room, taking a shower or doing the dishes. Setting minor goals that you realistically feel are achievable - and achieving them - are very helpful in gradually building up the confidence in yourself that you will get past this part of your life. And that goes for all situations in life that are heavy - not just the detachment process.

3. Find ways to keep your mind in the present and on the future.

So, you’ve started to begrudgingly get used to the fact that the person isn’t going to be around in your life anymore. You might even have started to realise how much your stress-levels have reduced, and begun to realise that this whole process was an excellent idea. However… not quite enough time has passed for you to be fully immersed in your journey, and you still think about them pretty much all the time. You’re feeling like a nitty trying to cope without crack for the first time in years, and that��s okay.

While it is important to allow yourself to fully acknowledge your feelings and mourn the loss of what used to be a very strong connection, you definitely owe it to yourself to try your best to remain present during this time. As tempting as dramatically starting out the window while it rains and thinking about them - like you’re in a music video - may sound, doing this is guaranteed to keep you firmly lodged in the past, and very stagnant in life… and we don’t want that.

Just do a couple songs to get the dramatics out of your system, then get ready to boss the f*ck up.

Now might feel like the worst possible time to start something new, especially since your emotions are probably all over the place and you’re finding it hard to focus on little else. But trust me when I say that this is exactly why you need to do it - you need to reclaim your life by putting yourself back into the main focus of it. And what better way to do it than starting a project you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t because of insecurities and/or self-doubt?

Regardless of if it’s pursuing a new hobby or even starting your own business, having an activity that brings you joy, challenges you and pushes you to set and exceed goals for yourself is imperative at this kind of time in your life. While a lot of the detachment process is pretty much trying to force yourself not to think about someone - thus making you want to think about them even more - having a passion project is a healthy way of willingly keeping your mind in the present and on your future. This, because you’ll constantly be looking for ways to improve your skills for yourself and your success in life.

Personally speaking, this blog was the perfect passion project for me back when I started my own detachment process. It still is - despite my inconsistency in writing, there actually isn’t a day that goes by without me thinking about future posts and what messages I want to share with whoever ends up reading it. However, since my writing does involve a lot of reflecting on past situations, I’ve decided to expand my creativity and start selling my art (check it out here, we love a cheeky and shameless self plug!). Focusing mostly on drawing, getting more involved in the art community, investing in art supplies and researching drawing methods lately has definitely made me more present and motivated… and I’ll even go as far as saying that I’ve forgotten about the people I’m detaching from at times.

The point I’m trying to make is that doing something you enjoy for your own mental wellbeing is one of the most rewarding parts of this whole detachment palaver. When you fully deep how much of your time that used to be spent worrying and stressing yourself out over someone trash, and focus that time on something creative that actually benefits you and makes you feel better about yourself, you’ll soon find yourself asking yourself why you didn’t start earlier.

Of course, it is important to remember that while feeling passionate and motivated in your creative/business ventures after feeling like sh*t for so long is a great thing, you should still make room for sitting with your feelings from time to time. Especially in the beginning. There’s a very, very fine line between using a hobby to empower and uplift yourself, and using it as a distraction to not think or feel at all. At the end of the day, it’s all about finding a good balance that takes into account where you currently are in your healing process - over time you’ll realise that you won’t need as many “days off” to be in your feelings, and trust me… that realisation and feeling is phenomenal.

4. Forgive and heal.

I just love how I’ve bunched these two together into one cute little step like they’re not the hardest part of the process. In theory, forgiving someone for yourself (not for their benefit) makes a lot of sense, but let’s be honest… a lot of us lie to both others and ourselves when we say we’ve moved on and forgiven them.

I, for one, can confidently say that most people I’ve claimed to have fOrGiVeN still live in the deepest parts of my mind rent free. They might not be present all the time in the way that they used to since I started the detachment process, but once I get in my feelings their presence is often there as strong as ever… and this is okay. Of course you’re not going to magically forget how someone treated you just because you’re committed to moving on, but there comes a certain point where you realise that all you’re doing is going round and round in circles in your mind, while time is just passing you by. Think about it - how many hours of your life do you reckon you have spent in bed, staring at the ceiling dramatically while fuming over a situation in which you were done dirty?

If you’re anything like me, the answer is BARE. And don’t even get me started on how the amount of hours increased more than tenfold during the lockdown because I couldn’t even distract myself properly.

Actual footage of me re-deeping a vio at 4 am.

But as much as lamenting to yourself about how much sh*t you’ve let slide and how you’re never going to let yourself be treated like that again is healing in itself, at some point you literally feel yourself losing the plot from replaying the situation in your head so much.

This is a sign that it’s time to heal and truly move on. It’s time to evict them from your mind… because they have millions of pounds in rent arrears at this point… and that can’t run, because what kind of disrespect?! You deserve better than shitty tenants, or worse - squatters.

Ok, enough with the renting comparisons because I can’t concentrate while chuckling to myself. The thing about healing and moving forward is that there is no one size fits all solution that works for everyone, so all I can really do is speak for myself and hopefully provide some tools that you can use to tailor your own healing journey.

This is going to sound very dramatic and depressing - because it is - but I’ve noticed that for me, the past creeps into my mind in the form of happy memories and good times… inevitably making me reminisce about people that used to mean a lot to me. This might not seem like anything harmful - surely there’s nothing wrong with reliving some good times in your head, right?

Wrong. For me, it starts off all cute and positive - but then my mind starts to wander. I start to remember other memories with the person. The bad memories that made me not want to have them in my life anymore. The memories in which I realised exactly how worthless, disrespected and unappreciated they made me feel… and what was meant to be happy reminiscing turns into either sadness or frustration, because now I have to re-open their case to really make sense of how much they had me f*cked up back then. Aaand before I know it, hours upon hours of angry analysing have passed by. Time that I’ll never get back, which will never sit right with me.

The way I’ve managed to combat this is by throwing myself into my own self-growth and self-love journey. In simple terms, placing all my focus on my mental wellbeing, my future goals and personal development makes it gradually easier to leave the past in the past - because the more I evolve, the less I associate myself with past versions of myself where I may not have been as strong, secure and assertive, as reminding myself of my worth has made me now. I can now understand and accept why I chose not to see the disrespect at the time - usually because of my former attachment issues, or because I deluded myself into thinking that the person cared the same way I did. El oh el.

Basically, I realised that a lot of my attachments to these toxic people came from a place of unresolved trauma, lack of validation and low self-worth. Once I identified these issues and started working through them, I noticed that placing my focus on understanding myself instead of someone else made things easier to cope with - because while I’ll never fully understand how someone else's mind works, I can work on understanding mine because I’m literally in it 24/7, 365.

In other words, healing and forgiveness is all about YOU and your development, and has very little to do with the other person in the long run.

Another large part of the forgiveness process for me is dedicating some time to use what I know about the person that I’m trying to detach from to understand the “bigger picture” of why they treated me the way that they did. A vast majority of cases just made me realise that their actions, thought processes and ideas were literally just a series of trauma responses and projections that they weren’t aware of - or were aware of, but refused to address.

Either way, this is where my empathetic nature works in my favour - because I know what it’s like to not be able to swallow your pride and deny certain negative aspects of yourself. Admitting that you’ve been in the wrong and that you need to heal takes a great deal of self-awareness and humility - traits that the people I’ve dealt with definitely do not embody. The unfortunate truth is that a lot of people might even live their whole life deluding themselves that they are okay, that their actions don’t hurt others and that they are not to blame for anything. When I realised this, I noticed that a lot of my anger started to fade - and I started to pity them instead, making forgiveness slightly easier. What’s important to remember here is that while pity can make you want to bE tHeRe for the person and help them heal, it’s actually very much their personal journey. You can’t help someone that doesn’t realise they need it, or that doesn’t want to be helped - so all you can do is leave them to it and focus on your own life.

Another important aspect of forgiveness and healing is remembering that it is inherently an act of self-care, and not a service you’re doing to the other person. You’re not “letting them off easy”, “letting sh*t slide”, or “letting them win” by choosing to not allow the situation poison your thoughts, feelings and present anymore. You’re choosing your mental health, sanity and future - all very valid reasons for jUsT LeTtInG gO, if you ask me.

“But Liv! How do I know that I am truly ready to move forward? And how do I know that these feelings won’t come back and re-trigger me in the future, despite all this effort I’ve put into healing now?”

Excellent questions. I wish I had better answers... but the harsh truth for both is that you don’t. You have no idea what’s going to happen, how people are going to act, what will remind you of the situation or what is going to trigger you. You have zero control over the situation, and you’ll come to the ugly realisation that the world, in fact, doesn’t revolve around you and your comfort and mental health.

I know, right? Imagine my shock, horror and surprise when I realised this.

The truth is that life is going to keep throwing cute little triggering curveballs at you, and the only thing you can truly control is how you react to it. You can choose to let it poison your mind and mood… or you can simply sit with it, allow it to pass without attaching emotions to it, and then keep it pushing when you’re ready to.

I’d definitely argue that this part of the process is the hardest to achieve - especially when you’re an emotional drama Queen like myself. However, once you get to that point where you can let your triggers and memories pass without affecting the present… you’ve pretty much won, because nothing can rattle you anymore. You become truly unf*ckwithable, and I can’t wait until I get to this stage of my process.

In the meantime, it’s all about constantly reminding yourself to stay in the present, because life will keep going on regardless of where your mind is at.

5. Be grateful for the process and do not look back.

I know, I know - feeling gratitude when you’re neck-deep in the sh*t is infinitely easier said than done. When you’re there ugly crying in the mirror, the last thing on your mind is going to be “Aw, look how much I’ve grown! I love that for myself! Well done, me!”. However, when you’re all exhausted, cried out and feel that zen feeling afterwards (you know what I’m on about), take time to acknowledge that while it feels like it’s never going to end now, one day you’ll be able to make your peace with what happened and that it will never happen again.

Be grateful to yourself over your resilience, how much you’ve learnt and how highly you must regard yourself for pushing yourself through this whole experience - because as you know by now, it is extremely hard.

When you can learn to see past the pain and emotional distress this whole process has caused you and find silver linings that you can be grateful for, it’s finally time to start looking towards never looking back on the situation ever again. Or, at the very least, being able to think about it without attaching any emotion to it, and just letting the thoughts pass by without any judgement before gently bringing yourself back to the present and getting on with your happier, stress-free life. Sometimes it can be easy to romanticize an old connection when a lot of time has passed, and you start to forget why you were so angry and hurt in the first place. In these cases, it’s important to remind yourself of why letting go and keeping it pushing is so important for your growth. Here are some things I like to consider when I feel myself spending too much time on memory lane, reminiscing and lowkey wishing I hadn’t been emotionally intelligent enough to recognise I needed to move forward:

Where would I be - emotionally and mentally - right now if I hadn’t decided to put myself first?

If I met someone new that reminds me of the person I’m detaching from, how would I react?

How have my current friendships and other relationships changed since deciding to focus on detachment and healing?

When comparing my past state of mind to my current one, what has changed in regard to how I view myself? How I view relationships/friendships?

How has pushing myself being the best version of myself set me up for future relationships, friendships and generations (if I end up having kids)?

Spoiler alert: I can tell you now that you will realise that you have grown so much without even realising it. Seemingly behind your own back, you’ve become a self-aware, self-loving, no-sh*t-taking, confident powerhouse that would rather have all your toenails slowly extracted before even considering letting someone get away with disrespecting you ever again. You will realise that everyone currently in your life is there because you want them to be - not because you need them in any way. They’re there because they love and support you the way you deserve to be - but you know that if anyone was to act up, it’s curtains… because now you know that anyone that doesn’t consider your mental health and happiness important has no place in your life. And that’s on Tampax Compak Super Plus.

I want to end this post with a personal story from my own detachment process. As those of you that have been reading my blog for a long time know, one of the biggest reasons why I even started this blog in the first place was to have an outlet for my emotions and to help myself to heal after a bad breakup.

When I say I thought I was going to die, I’m not even being dramatic or exaggerating. I legit thought that I would never be able to move past it, or get over him. Back then - despite having a decent background in psychology and understanding the importance of expressing my emotions - I chose to bottle things up (except for in therapy) and turned to unhealthy coping methods so I didn’t have to feel so much. I can’t lie… life was very sh*t, and I honestly struggled to see the point of even being alive anymore.

Fast forward about a year - I made the conscious decision to take responsibility for my healing and detachment, because I realised that holding on to someone that hurt me so badly wasn’t healthy. Deciding to let go of all the promises we made to each other, the memories and good times is hands down one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I realised that just clinging onto the past just because of familiarity was not the one. Plus, at this point I had started to be able to admit to myself that the relationship was never as perfect as I had made it out to be in my head - making it easier and easier to gradually let go. I begrudgingly continued the healing and detachment process, winging it and hoping for the best.

Major time skip to just a few months ago - I’m literally just at home, chilling, minding my business. All of that. I went on the calendar app on my phone to check something, when it suddenly hit me that what would’ve been our seven year anniversary had passed a few days before… and I hadn’t even noticed. A date that used to mean so much to me and get me in my feelings just a year before, had now completely slipped my mind.

What’s more is that when I clocked it… I felt nothing. Nada. Zilch. And that’s when I fully realised how oblivious I had been to the bigger picture of my healing journey, because the sudden apathy towards a situation that really had me considering if life was even worth it anymore really came as a surprise. Even now, as I’m writing this and am clearly thinking about how dirty I got done… I feel nothing besides how proud I am of myself, and I love that for myself.

If I - THEE most sentimental, dramatic and emotional woman on the planet - can get there, trust me… you definitely can too. I had to figure out the “formula” for myself, but now that I’ve given it to you, you literally have no excuse for not letting that toxic and useless somebody hurt you anymore. Get to it!

With that being said, I wish you a happy, stress-free, peaceful and self-loving 2021, because you deserve it. I can’t wait to share my new ideas with you in the new year, so I’ll see you on the oThEr SiDe.

Love,

Liv

#selfhelp #selflove #Empowerment #opinions #detachment

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prorevenge · 6 years ago

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Revenge for the boss from hell. 30k+ payable to me, thanks.

Greetings,

I posed this story once before in days past but deleted it in fear legal reasons. I’ve revised it and feel more comfortable sharing. I enjoy the heck out of this blog along with @r-maliciouscompliance and @petty-revenge-stories. I can tell you as a long time lurker this story is worth the read for the most deserved revenge.

TLDR: Boss was a d*ckhead all the time, then insulted me while I was eating lunch with a client in public. I painfully planned and executed a plan to make him pay me over 30,000 dollars as punishment , I was successful.

I worked for this small business IT Consulting firm for seven years. Owned and operated by a person we will call d*ck.

First two years things were fine. Occasionally this guy would take things a little too far, he was just passionate about his opinion and always had to be right, so I’d always give him that. I don’t have to agree but I saw his need and left it at that.

What I started to discover however is the turn over for the company is a couple of years and I began to realize why. The Boss (d*ck), picks one worker and makes it his life’s work to make that person as miserable as possible. I’m guessing the reason, ego purposes?

For months I’d hear him shouting all the time at this one guy. The co-worker after leaving the meeting would go back to his office from where I had a view and I could just see the stress and misery in his face. Till finally I said to him, “what the hell man? He’s always giving you a hard time here lately, what did you do?”

He didn’t seem to know. He confided in me right there the level of hell he’s in and some of the things d*ck has said or done. I couldn’t believe some of the details he shared on what d*ck both said and did. I felt things were embellished because people just don’t do some of the things he said. I would realize much later he was telling the truth as crazy as it sounded.

A few months later he finally found another job and left. I talk to him couple times a year and he always said it was the best choice in his life he ever made.

d*ck’s sights then narrowed on to me. I can take a lot. So for the next five years I took it. He would insult me pretty much every day, each day more and more colorful. I didn’t really care or take it home with me so it wasn’t a problem for me, for d*ck I would learn it was.

Unrelated, five years in I put in my notice because he asked me to get a couple certifications and if I did he would take care of me. Once I did what was requested he backed out of the agreement and played coy. Once he received my notice a couple months later he called me up within a minute, begged me to stay. It’s important to note he only asked for two certifications, I not only obtained those but an addional fourteen on top of that. Each time he would tell me “Great job, you will be well taken care of”. He lied 16 times in total on this matter. He matched the offer and increased my Salary up another 15k. Not looking forward to starting a new job I decided to stay.

What I learned is I was a fool to do that and money isn’t everything. Go where you’ll be the most happy. Best life advice I can give after this experience.

He left me alone for a couple months after that, he wasn’t in the office much either. Then a day struck his fancy to start things up again only he ran out of material. My work is solid and he had no opportunity to criticize that.

The only method he had was bashing his ego and sarcasm around but he realized it had no impact on me. Here is a Brief snippet of any given day of what it’s like to be selected as his target. He would communicate a problem he was having in length. Let’s say he complained about his cell phone. After he finished his story you would provide a helpful suggestion or advice from your experience. In turn he would ask with an entitled and sarcastic tone if you were an expert on the matter and wanted to see those credentials. I learn fast, just never speak unless spoken too. Any comment or insult he made I would respond without emotion and just say ok.

Because d*ck wasn’t able to get a rise out of me the old fashioned way he decided to create fictional content for a new direction.

Our small company would go out to eat as a whole, or just order in on Fridays. I ate half my sandwich, and wrapped the remaining to take home. He saw me with leftover food and claimed that I was taking home dinner on his dime. Any time there was any leftover, even a single French fry he’d be there with a magnify glass for inspection to find any conceivable way to yell.

So on Fridays I started packing my lunch, I’d order a beverage and a side. I’d finish the beverage and the side. Then eat what I brought, if I didn’t finish it he had no opportunity. You could see his look of disappointment when he would scan my plate.

This went on a couple weeks, he had no opportunity and couldn’t complain. He realized he failed again. So then he came up with the next item.

The Bathroom. This I actually did a little research on and couldn’t find anything legally I could do. But anytime anyone would use the rest room he would blame me for the smell. Instead of hello when passing in the highway he would say “Did you use spray” or “Did you light a match” as hateful as he could, but that was his normal. It went much deeper than this, more then I care to share. But I honestly believe d*ck has a fetish on this topic which is why I looked in to it legally. It was just always on his mind and a little too important to him, let’s just leave the rest unsaid.

I must have visually tipped him off I didn’t approve of this because he never got bored with it. However I did at least get him to stop asking about if I used spray. Anytime I used the bathroom, even to take a piss I’d use the entire can of air freshener. This wasn’t an easy task as I’d have to mask my face to empty that entire thing. Takes a while surprisingly to empty an entire can in a session. One thing is for certain when I was finished, someone used the “spray” and d*ck was buying a new can. Took about five weeks but I think he figured it out spending so much on spray, he stuck to just asking about matches after that. He even provided them in the bathroom.

One day we were out with a client. The current topic at this moment was “what is your favorite meal? My answer was “hot wings, I could eat those every day!” d*ck jumps in, his comment “Just think how bad the bathroom would smell”. Most at table wouldn’t get the context and direction of that comment, but I knew. He did this in front of a client, in public, while people are eating.

I almost walked out. Then I remembered he drove and it’s a long way back. Plus d*ck is over 60, what kind of person knocks out a senior? I had to chant that in my mind to keep control. I never get pissed but after years this was the last straw! I seriously pleaded with myself all day not to do it because I’d go to jail and he would win.

During this time period he also started playing with my money. Behind 4-5 months with reimbursement, week late on paychecks, stuff like that. You ask where it’s out, he says “next week” you explain he already said that last week, then he’d play coy.

I finished out the day without reacting somehow. Took everything I had but I’m not going to allow this to be unanswered. That was dangerous and too close. If he want’s trouble, I’ll give it to him! I will get even in a lawful way, somehow.

Then the idea came to me that night, did my research and odds were in my favorite that it could work. I’m just going to mirror him until he fires me. When he fires me he will have to pay half my current salary of 65k until I get a new job. You know what? I can live perfectly fine on 32.5k. Why not make him pay out of his pocket 32.5k for everything he had said and done? He would have to pay this over the course of six months or until I found a new job. So my goal was to make him pay me $32,500 to be exact over 6 months as restitution for what he said at that table.

I read up on all the rules in my state for Unemployment. Each state is different. But basically to qualify for it, it can’t be your fault if you were fired. So If I stood there and told him where to put it, that’s a no go. However if I was laid off I would qualify.

So I hit him where it hurt first, his favorite thing in the world is meetings. Because he loves to hear himself talk and take you step by step through his thought process with a noble tone congratulating himself for his thinking and why his way is the best way. So I started speaking up and illustrated a more efficient way that cost less.

He would argue, sometimes red in the face mad. Especially if others in the meeting liked my idea. He knew he was wrong but he would dismiss them and demand it be done his way.

I then started talking about him within ear shot on purpose. I’d say things like “Make sure you perform that d*cks way, takes longer but it’s better than him releasing the Kraken”. It would make everyone laugh, but it wasn’t a direct insult.

Trust me when I say this guy has a massive ego and I was counting on this for pissing him off. I laid it on thick, in time it took its toll. I knew it did because what came next.

His retaliation was the kitchen sink, he had nothing so he started accusing me of things, then playing coy when it came to reviewing the details or facts. He would put words in my month, I’d state he was wrong and then he would tell me I was. All he was doing was opening the door so he could play a revengeful sarcasm game. I know it’s a game so I decided to take his new toy away from him by just going along with whatever it is he said. Which further made him mad because what he was doing had no effect on me.

Fast forward six months, yes I’m STILL working here. But were only receiving a couple calls a day which are fifteen minutes each. This was due to d*ck’s bad business discussions.

While I took delight knowing he was hemorrhaging money for months, I was hoping for a lay off to execute my plan. Nothing. I have to make him want to fire me, it’s the only way. I have to beat him at his own game while providing the illusion he is in control.

So I turned up the heat. I was asked to travel to a client by the 2nd in command. I said “I’m sorry man, I haven’t received reimbursement in six months for travel expenses and I just had my work cell phone service turned off. With the way business is right now things aren’t looking good, I’d be stupid to take on more expenses, and I’m owed over two thousand dollars as it is. Once that’s paid in full I’d be more than happy to continue on a week to week bases after reimbursements”.

That day d*ck had a meeting with me and setup a payment plan to pay the money back. After three weeks it would be paid. So I said to d*ck “understood, after three weeks I’ll be on the road again, cool” just making sure he understood because he wanted to play games and not pay the amount in full d*ck is now going to pay me my salary for three weeks to do nothing until the reimbursement fee is paid.

Guy has a several million dollar house, goes on vacations has a boats, etc. Out of all the things I’ve done so far, this had made the most significant impact. Because I out whit him at his own game, it embarrassed him in the eyes of others. Why? Because the second of command was instructed to drive me anywhere I was needed. So I had my own personal Taxi driver for the few calls we had over the next two weeks. Two weeks he paid two people, me and the admin to drive and watch me work. I was friends with the admin and he knew exactly what I was doing and he loved every second of it.

Then on the third week, three days until the final payment, it happens. d*ck enters my office, and gives me the filmier demeaning dog wave gesture to follow him without speaking. We sit down and he asks me what the problem is?

I told him the problem is he needs a new hobby. In one hand you have someone sitting here that busted his ass for the last seven years, in the other your need to bash someone’s face in the dirt with your ego. The problem with me is I won’t conform and provide both.

He asked for some examples. I said you know what I’m talking about and even if I did review them you’d play coy. He then played coy about being coy, I laughed.

After a pause He said if you feel that way why didn’t you speak to me about it? I reminded him that I did twice and both times you humiliated me for it and said “this is I.T!” What the I.T Career that I’ve done the last twenty years had to do with his ego I’ll never know.

He responded with I’m behind the times, my work has been poor and out of the kindness of his heart he gave me a raise after I demanded it. I responded with Ok.

Then he finally said what I wanted to hear “I want to call it quits”.

I remained professional and communicated I’m sorry things didn’t work out and spent the next two hours reviewing stuff with co-workers on how to handle certain things. I shook his hand with a smile and left without saying anything negative. The fruit of my labor will do the talking for me shortly.

In route on the way home I called family members to tell them the good news. Everyone was so happy for me. It finally happened.

When I arrived home I promptly adjusted the dates on the unemployment forms I had filled out already in wait and submitted them. I called the state and confirmed everything was documented on my end accurately and now it’s the waiting game.

My plan wasn’t realized until my boss receive the letter in the mail about a week later stating he’s going to have shell out my Salary for the next six months or until I found a job.

Panicked at this point he realized what I set him up for. So He claimed he fired me for poor work performance. The state said, ok prove it. In this state it’s the employers’ burden to prove it. My record had no blemishes and he couldn’t use a client because a number of people at any given client would vouch for me and the truth as they all liked me and appreciated my work.

Realizing the shit storm he’s in now I’m told from the admin friend he was on the phone with them quite a while twisting and turning the fake stories out. Bottom line, the state needed to see documented verbal and written warnings, signed so he couldn’t fake them. He called his lawyer and his lawyer told him he’s screwed.

Later my boss told co-workers he felt bad for me that I couldn’t find work and he decided to give unemployment to me to save face of his ego. That made official that his ego was effected, he didn’t want anyone to know the truth. At this point he realized I got the better of him when I fought back and I won, big!

In a last ditch effort he lied about how much I made. The state sent me paper work stating this fact and asked me to prove my salary. So I gave them copies of checks and pay stubs for the last six months. After that things went easy, he was flagged for lying which made the reaming steps effortless the state rep told me.

For the reason I was terminated I said “d*ck the owner made some poor business discussions that impacted the company losing business and clients. He let me go as a business discussion, in his shoes I’d of done the same and understand.”

I wrote it that way for a reason. But d*ck didn’t realize why. I knew what his reaction would be. The state saw a down to earth guy that was honest and understanding on paper. Then they saw d*cks predicted response of being a d*ck, most likely yelling and of course lying. I had no doubt that would seal the deal simply on the evaluation on character before the facts even entered in to it.

His reaction being, his ego had to take it up the ass. Once for failing as a business man, another for me saying so on state paper work, and lastly accepting that I got the better of him and all this time I have been coaxing him to make this move.

The only thing left to do is pay me, every single week. And his money goes to the state first then the state sends it to me, so he can’t play games with my money or the state is coming after him.

Over the next six months I took that time to enjoy myself, pursue hobbies and lived life to the fullest on his dime as a reward for his comment. Once the letter came to renew unemployment, d*ck would no longer have to pay or only a parentage I forget, the important thing to know is tax payers would have to pay after six months not d*ck. So I declined the renewal. Three weeks later I had a new job.

It was either that or knock him out during that lunch, It wasn’t easy, took work but I’m proud of the way I handled it. I feel vindicated, it’s pretty rare the world is balanced, evil often wins. But not this time. This time it cost d*ck, 32,500 dollars to be exact. All in all I can say 10/10 would do it again.

Due to his age I can’t imagine that it would be a humbling experience at this point. But it was for me, money isn’t everything, there is only one thing of true value, your happiness. A year later, I’m very happy now, I enjoy my new job and my new boss. I discovered myself again, who I really am. The goofy friendly guy, my light is no longer dimmed by a dark presence and I can be myself without punishment.

(source) (story by Divine_Squire)

#prorevenge #by Divine_Squire #pro revenge stories #revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story #last10

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thesecretattic · 3 years ago

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Dear Diary: Science & it’s Magnanimities

Crying gives me fever & I’ve been having high fever every single day since 2016 (just like today) but I can’t stop crying it’s just so Humiliating & Hurtful, I lost all Hope thanks to him who’s name also started with H - Harsh, who only knew how to H-ate

At least those perverts and “playboys” like Karan & Umang would flirt with us and make us feel like a girl *ouch no offence* but this man was literally boring, he was acting like a weird dogmatic, stern frigid oldie who took away my youth also… I was just thinking to 💭 myself that even if they’ll say men want different girls everytime to normalise something as grievous & sickening as infidelity which can also end up being fatal… they’ll still hear me saying “But he was not even with me for once” he left me to die with that “lip virgin” tag or modern day scarlet letter which was like a never ending curse, he left me to die without having any significant moments, as a girl I couldn’t celebrate my 16th Birthday or even 21st and then I never had my first kiss, no friends no normalcy all because I’m not cheap like most people and I don’t give any benefits… just when I was thinking that as in, “He hasn’t been with me ever, at least I could’ve died in peace remembering those moments in the last 7 seconds of my life, I would’ve had something or someone to miss, to recall, to make me feel like I led a somewhat normal, fulfilled journey, just when I was thinking about all this whilst keeping myself as strong as I could, while holding myself together (the pitch kept raising and meeting my vibes in the song which was playing in the background) and then it said this - exactly when he crossed my mind, “Tu nanga hi toh aaaya hai kya gh*nta lekar jaaenga?” Very true, apart from the duality in its meaning, there’s a third factor, I had told several times that maximum girls especially me (can’t say about most these days) are never interested in d*cks or d*ckheads hahaha you have no assets so there’s nothing special about you, you should never compete or fight with girls, we’ll always have the upper hand and especially those like me (analytical empiricists/realists/skeptics who are more into science and logic than emotions) who are least interested in you in “physical terms” you should never dare to mess with us because we don’t need you, for us where “Women thy name is jealousy instead of pretty” I wish they would’ve replaced it with the latter and identified us as someone who’s pretty by default, because not doing so gives rise to jealousy especially when it’s so damn unfair, for us Attention, Love, Care, Gentleness, Respect, Fidelity, Exclusivity are all like “sexual desires” the moment we sense another person, our love will turn into hate no offence but I really wish I would’ve been a guy and no matter how much you make me feel like I’m impotent it still won’t change my gender and I won’t be able to turn my hate into love again because this “unfairness” encompasses several issues which can never be sorted… at least not without death. Because unfortunately everyone is like you and there’s no other option otherwise it’s still possible to get out of it when someone appreciates your worth and makes you feel more potent when the whole world pressurises girls to look pretty and they deem their potential solely on the basis of how desirable they are, when someone makes you feel like a girl, you realise that the other guy wasn’t man enough and it’s easier for you to live with that, with all the unfairness where the attention was indeed undivided but invested in someone entirely undeserving… where we can’t even say you could’ve at least kept it fair and given us both equal attention although we would’ve been happy with that as well as a last resort.

Here’s more, I kept seeing the number 2 ie. since 2015 after I met you on 2nd Oct & 2nd April and no I wasn’t even subconsciously thinking about you or those two dates… I would always wonder why and it always led me to 2nd Oct & April… I once asked out of frustration that “Are we supposed to declare a public holiday? Why do you keep reminding me of that?” When I googled that number it kept saying “Balance” it’s one of my numerological numbers too… I saw the quote “The universe will keep showing you signs until you understand them” and I finally caught myself saying this today: The devil will eventually lose, I’m tired of getting defeated, I don’t want to lead a defeated life, I didn’t come this far for nothing, for them to win so effortlessly, I struggle every night to breathe because my convulsions increase by then and I still have to deal with that man’s insensitivity and hate, his prejudice, *untouchability* he went too far, he is an extremist, he thinks even talking me online is impossible because I’m perceived as some low, downtrodden underling… I dont wake up everyday to the same old pain, tears, high fever and another round of struggle, the same old memories and some more wasted seconds of my youth just so these seconds would never turn into moments. I caught myself saying, “You know why things were unfair? Only so that they could be fair…” and that is what 2 is all about - Balance Sorry to all those whom I’ve seen sharing this quote, “You don’t believe in God but you can at least believe in the universe, we are all surrounded by a ball of fire, on a planet which is hanging in mid air and a satellite which revolves around it” I’m sorry but I’ll have to break it down for you, that too scientifically, so no it’s no magic, the vast expanse of our universe is primarily composed of air which also makes up for most of the atoms & molecules, this air can easily outweigh earth and other celestial bodies and it has really high pressure or voltage because of which our earth is almost cushioned by air and encapsulated like other planets from all different sides… I’m sorry I ruined it but metaphorically speaking and trust me wherever there are souls and spirits we will have that spiritual talk, my next book has a lot of poems and philosophical metaphorical things which align a lot with science and all of it’s mundanity, so read this till the end. Earth might be held together somewhere up in space due to all the pressure of the outweighing air which surrounds it but at the same time it also spins over there and it keeps rotating on its own along with the satellite which is nothing but a magnet, sorry… it manages to rotate and revolve, both, at the same time, without ever collapsing because our self sustaining planet where everything and everyone is co-related, knows how to maintain a certain kind of Balance. Metaphorically speaking this balance is dictated by Karma, it’s like a universal law, which is exactly why my numerological value 11 - thanks to my birthdate and even after adding all the digits of my month and year it still sums up to the number 11 (they say since it’s a master number so you don’t have to add it up again but that’s just a man made “pagan rule”) my number 11 - stands for Justice/Karma in the tarot deck and each separate digit of 29th March also aligns with my life, 2 - is the psychic or intuitive High Priestess/Popess who owns the entire tarot Deck (unfortunately that guy Harsh is 5 - The Hierophant or Pope/Her partner) and the number 9 stands for The Lonely & Wise Sage - the Hermit (a forever loner like me) 11 my numerological value is Justice or Karma and even if you’ll see it from another angle 20 would again connote Judgement which is nothing but Karma… 2 stands for balance and the universe knows how to retain it… balance means settled scores, it means justice, fairness & equity, we met specifically that too twice on 2nd Oct and 2nd April because it was predestined that was is unfair will be fair one day and the “balance”would be held forth.

It’s not just an ordinary “love story” of sadness and defeat or another grief stricken unrequited lover who dies a tragic death at the hands of their “beloved”… it’s a real life story and there’s got to be some science over here, this is how the Universe works, it’s self sustainable, it’ll throw you out of if you’ll threaten or mess with the laws of nature, so the next time, when you do something wrong, tell yourself it’s going to come back to you, that too vibrating in a hundredfold “What goes around comes around” and that is exactly what earth does each moment when it revolves and rotates, it makes sure we all get our fair share of sun and rain… of night and day.

So there’s no point in giving up now not until I secure a victory, I will have to survive to see him falling flat on his “gorgeous” face, Karma will settle scores that too soon before he gets more old and loses his libido (for what kind of a heartbreak will he have then) because dude you were the one who asked for it when you decided to compete with a girl - in a society where looks are all we’ve got.

And if you think Metaphors are best kept for Poetries & Plays then here: This is how it all connects, I was named Zara “coincidentally” by my grandmother who wasn’t even aware of the brand Zara… back in those days, in our religion only the names Zahra & Zaara were legitimately approved because Zara’s meaning was not commonly known to all (it means Princess in Persian & Bright as Dawn in Arabic) as a kid, I never wanted to change my name even though a lot of relatives were hell bent on doing that and coincidentally I was born stylish, I was always crazy about fashion and style and I’m obsessed with clothes… I’m just like my name Zara, it’s like a weird craze, I myself wasn’t aware of that brand when I was a kid but I always picked my own clothes and did all the shopping myself even when I was barely a toddler. Once, when we were reading a storybook me and my brother came across a psychic who was called “Madam Zara” and I read somewhere that this name has always been associated with Sibyls & Clairvoyants or those who’ve been more inclined towards occult and mysticism or esoteric “science” and it’s no coincidence that I’ve myself had psychic instances. So no, there is always more than what meets the eye, we are playing different characters in a story and each one of us is given the right part, you don’t have to be mad just because I’m in the lead and you are just a side role. You are also true to your name “Harsh” so cheer up… no role is that small, if you play it well 👍🏻 with all your heart, so make the most of it, it won’t last long.

By Zara Sauleh

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