#the connection between them has been so present in my brain since i heard midnight rain for the first time and IT IS SO HARD TO ARTICULATE!!

[marysong-mp3]

i am once again thinking about the the way i loved you/midnight rain parallels!!

he is sensible and so incredible, and all my single friends are jealous/i couldn’t ask for anything better/but i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain/he can't see the smile i'm faking cause i'm not feeling anything at all/got away by some mistake -> he wanted it comfortable, i wanted that pain/i broke his heart cause he was nice/he stayed the same, all of me’s changed/i peered through a window, a deep portal, time travel/and the life i gave away

something about how being comfortable in a relationship isn't always enough, but once you leave you, there is always that lingering question of "what if i stayed." even years down the line you can still imagine if you had said yes instead of no, and consider the ways you loved and the ways you could have loved and the ways you love now. how does it change? how does it stay the same? what have you given up? what have you gained? was it worth it?

[fuckheadwitha]

Listening to Rolling Stone's Top 500 Albums of All Time

Rolling Stone released an updated list of their top 500 albums of all time and being trapped in the purgatory of covid quarantine this seems like the perfect moment to tackle what an almost completely irrelevant former counter-culture institution has to say about music (we can’t actually blame Rolling Stone for this list, a huge number of musicians and critics voted to make it). I am going to listen to every single one of these, all the way through, with a level of attention that's not super intense but I'm definitely not having them on in the background as simple aural wallpaper. Two caveats though: I can make an executive decision to skip any album if I feel the experience is sufficiently miserable, and I'm also going to be skipping the compilation albums that I feel aren't really worth slots (best ofs, etc.). In addition, I will be ordering them as I go, creating a top 500 of the top 500 (it will be less than 500 since we've already established I'm skipping some of these).

Here are 500-490:

#500 Arcade Fire - Funeral

I can already tell I'm going to be at odds with this list if one of the most important albums of my high school years is at the bottom. That being said, I haven't actually given this whole thing a listen since probably the early 2010s, before Arcade Fire fatigue set in and the hipsterati appointed band of a generation just kinda seemed to fade from popular consciousness. I actually dreaded re-experiencing it, since the synthesis of anthemic rock and quirky folk instrumentation which Arcade Fire brought mainstream has now become the common shorthand of insufferable spotify friendly folk pop. Blessedly, the first half of the album easily holds up, largely propelled by dirty fast rhythm guitar, orchestration that's tuneful rather than obnoxious, and lyrics which come off as earnest rather than pretentious. The middle gets a little sappy and “Crown of Love”, a song I definitely used to like, really starts the grate. And then we get to “Wake Up”, whose cultural saturation spawned thousands of dorky indie rock outfits that confused layered strings and horns with power and meaning. This song definitely hasn't survived the film trailers and commercials which it so ubiquitously overlayed, but the line about "a million little gods causing rainstorms, turning every good thing to rust" still attacks the part of my brain capable of sincere emotion. This album is probably going to hold the top spot for a while, because although so many elements of Funeral that made it feel so meaningful, that made it stand out so much in 2004, have been seamlessly assimilated into an intellectually and emotionally bankrupt indie pop industrial complex, the album itself still has a genuine vulnerability and bangers that still manage to rip.

#499

Rufus, Chaka Khan - Ask Rufus

Before she became a name in her own right, Chaka Khan was the voice of the band Rufus, and it’s definitely her voice that shines amongst some spritely vibey funk. That’s not to say that these aren’t some jams on their own. “At Midnight” is a banging opener with a sprint to the finish, and although the explicitly named but kinda boring “Slow Screw Against the Wall” feels weak, this wasn’t really supposed to be an album of barn burners. This was something people put on their vinyl record players while they chilled on vinyl furniture after a night of doing cocaine. “Everlasting Love” is a bop with a bassline like a Sega Genesis game, and the twinkling piano on “Hollywood” adds a playful levity to lyrics that are supposed to be both tackily optimistic about making it big out in LA and subtly realistic about the kind of nightmare world showbiz can be. “Better Days” is another track that manages to be a bittersweet jam with a catchy sour saxophone and playful synths under Chaka Khan’s vamping. This album definitely belongs on a ‘chill funk to study and relax to’ playlist.

#498

Suicide - Suicide

We’ve hit the first album that could be rightly called a progenitor for multiple genres that followed it. Someone could say there’s a self-serving element of this being on a Rolling Stone list (the band was one of the first to adopt the label ‘Punk’ after seeing it in a Lester Bangs article) but the album’s legacy is basically indisputable. EBM, industrial, punk, post-punk, new wave, new whatever all have a genealogy that connects to Suicide, and it’s easy to hear the band in everything that followed. But what the band actually is is two guys, one with an electric organ and one with a spooky voice, doing spooky simple riffs and saying spooky simple things. Simplicity is definitely not a dis here. The opener “Ghost Rider” makes a banger out of four notes and one instrument, and the refrain ‘America America is killing its youth’ is really all the lyrical complexity you need to fucking get it. “Cheree” and “Girl” have almost identical lyrics (‘oh baby’ vs ‘oh girl’) but “Cheree” is more like a fairy tale and “Girl” is more like a sonic handjob. “Frankie Teardrop” has the audacity to tell a ten minute story with its lyrics, but of course there is intermittent, actually way too loud screaming breaking up the narrative of a guy who loses everything then kills his family and himself. The song is basically a novelty, and I think you can probably say the whole album is a novelty between its brevity and character. But for a bite sized snack this album casts a huge shadow.

#497

Various Artists - The Indestructible Beat of Soweto

The fact that this particular compilation always ends up in the canon has a lot to do with the cultural context it existed in, being America’s first encounter with South African contemporary music during the decline of apartheid (it wouldn’t end until a decade later in 1994 with the country’s first multi-racial elections). Music journos often bring up the fact Ladysmith Black Mambazo, the all male choir singing on the album ender “Nansi Imali”, sang on Paul Simon’s Graceland like their virtue is they helped Paul Simon get over his depression and not, like, the actual music. But also like, how is the actual music? Jams. Ubiquitous, hooky guitars propel the songs along with bright choruses over low lead vocals, but I didn’t expect the synthesizer on the bop “Qhude Manikiniki”, nor the discordant hoedown violin on “Sobabamba”. “Holotelani” is a groove to walk into the sunset to.

#496

Shakira - Donde Estan los Ladrones

So this is the first head scratcher on the list. It’s not like it sucks. And I think I prefer this 90s guitar pop driven spanish language Shakira to modern superstar Shakira. But I mean, it’s an album of late nineties latin pop minivan music, with a thick syrupy middle that doesn’t do anything for me. The opener and closer stand out though.  ‘Ciega, Sordomuda’, one of the biggest pop songs of the 90s (it was #1 on the charts of literally every country in Latin America), has a galloping acoustic guitar and horn hits with Shakira’s vocals at their most percussive.

#495

Boyz II Men - II

So, if you were alive in the 90s you know Boyz II Men were fucking huge, and the worst song on the album is the second track “All Around the World”, basically a love song to their own success, and also the women they’ve banged. You can tell it was written specifically so that the crowd could go fucking wild when they heard their state/city/country mentioned in the song, and I’m not gonna double check but I’m sure they hit all fifty states. Once you’re over that hump though you basically have an hour of songs to fuck to. “U Know” keeps it catchy with propulsive midi guitar and synth horns, “Jezzebel” starts with a skit and ends with a richly layered jazz tune about falling in love on a train, and “On Bended Knee” has a Ragnarok Online type beat. Honestly this album can drag, but you’re not supposed to be listening to it alone in a state of analysis, you’re supposed to have it on during a date that’s going really, really well.

#494

The Ronettes - Presenting the Fabulous Ronettes

A singles compilation of the Ronettes, the only ones I immediately recognized were ‘Be My Baby’ and ‘Going to the Chapel of Love’, the latter of which I didn’t know existed since the version of the song I knew was by the Dixie Cups, which was apparently a source of drama since the Ronettes did it first but producer Phil Spector refused to release it. I feel like as a retro trip to sixties girl groups it’s full of enough songs about breaking up (for example “Breaking Up”) getting back together (for example “Breaking Up”) and wanting to get married but you can’t, because you’re a teenager (“So Young”).

#493

Marvin Gaye - Here, My Dear

This album only exists because Marvin was required by his divorce settlement to make it and provide all of the royalties to his ex-wife and motown executive Anna Gordy Gaye. It’s absolutely bizarre, phoned in mid tempo funk whose lyrics range from the passive aggressive (“This is what you wanted right?”) to the petulant (“Why do I have to pay attorney’s fees?”). There is a seething realness here that crosses well past the border of uncomfortable. I don’t think it’s an amazing album to listen to, but it’s an amazing album to exist: Marvin Gaye is legally obligated to throw his own divorce pity party, and everyone's invited.

#492

Bonnie Raitt - Nick of Time

I have never heard of Bonnie Raitt before but apparently this album won several grammys including album of the year in 1989 and sold 5 million copies, which I guess goes to show that no award provides less long term relevance than the grammys. The story around the album is pretty heartwarming, it was her first massive hit after a career of whiffs, and Bonnie Raitt herself is apparently a social activist and neat human being. I say all this because this sort of 80s country blues rock doesn't really connect with me, but the artist obviously deserves more than that. I unequivocally like the title track though, a hand-clap backed winding electric piano groove about literally finding love before your eggs dry up.

#491

Harry Styles - Fine Line

I do not think I have ever heard a one direction song because I am an adult who only listens to public radio. I’m totally open to pop bands or boy bands or boy band refugee solo artists, but I don’t like anything here. It’s like a mixtape of the worst pop trends of the decade, from glam rock that sounds like it belongs in a car commercial to folky bullshit that sounds like it belongs in a more family focused car commercial. This gets my first DNP (Does Not Place).

#490

Linda Ronstadt - Heart Like a Wheel

Another soft-rock blues and country album which just doesn’t land with me. But the opener “You’re No Good” is like a soul/country hybrid which still goes hard and the title track hits with the lyrics “And it's only love and it's only love / That can wreck a human being and turn him inside out”.

Current Ranking, which is weirdly almost like an inverse of the rolling stones list so far;

[seadeepywrites]

When the River Meets the Sea

Character: Fathom Tidechaser Words: 3490 tw: death, violence/gore, body horror

1. Our Souls Will Leave This Land

Fathom isn’t afraid until the moment his Heal spell fails him. Like a sword parrying in a clash of steel, like a rubber ball rebounding off a stone wall, the magic that is supposed to close his wounds slips free of his grasp, reflecting back on him. As the sudden, breathless darkness of necrotic damage leaches his strength, Fathom feels it: a flicker of fear.

Fathom is occasionally anxious and frequently surprised, but true fear like this is vanishingly rare for him. He has faced vampires and corpse-stealing fiends from Hell and suture-scarred fleshy mutants that should never have existed in the first place. He has healed injuries, raised the dead, and climbed out of his own grave. He has walked between planes, traveled backwards through time, and spoken to gods.

Today, for the first time in his several lives and deaths, Fathom considers the idea that Melora’s blessing may not be enough to save him.

The illithid-lich shrieks without sound, and even aware of what’s coming, Fathom can’t stagger out of the way quickly enough. Its psychic scream blasts his mind free of his body, into some hazy place where the real-time consequences of combat don’t seem to matter. Fathom knows, on some level, that he is standing here in front of the illithid and its creations, flat-footed and slump-shouldered. But most of him is absent, drifting through a blurry infinity of vague concepts and disconnected thoughts. Not unlike being extremely high, actually.

Next to Fathom, the eye sockets of a dozen skulls light up with the same eerie green glow that pervades this lair. Their jawbones seem to widen and vibrate with silent laughter — or maybe that’s just Fathom’s vision swimming. Fathom isn’t present enough to be concerned as his soul begins to prise itself from his body, attempting to wriggle free of his flesh like a snake shucking its skin.

It is only the sigil inked across Fathom’s collarbones that prevents it, the Death Ward flaring in one final, desperate attempt to keep Fathom alive. Even when he himself isn’t fully aware of it. Even when blood slips slick over his upper lip and his neck, running like water from his nose and ears. Even when he sees — sees but cannot make himself react — sees the illithid floating down from its dais.

The illithid reaches out toward him with one hand, whispering in its breathy voice. Fathom can’t quite parse the words over the thunderous roar of his pulse crashing in his ears. It doesn’t really matter, though, does it? The illithid’s slender tentacles reach out too, impossibly long and serpentine, and wrap themselves around Fathom’s head.

Melora, Fathom thinks. He would say it out loud, if he could. If he could shape his lips to breathe it out, he would want her name to be the last word he says. It is a prayer and it is a plea: Please. Help my friends where I’ve failed. Give them the power to defeat this evil where I cannot.

The only thing in the world that Fathom truly, deeply cares about — the only thing he will ever live and die for — is his goddess. He would go to his death gladly — placidly allow the illithid to drink his brain like so much beef stew — if he could know for sure that he hasn’t disappointed her. But he isn’t sure of that at all, so Fathom’s heart stutters and his blood freezes to ice as the illithid’s tentacles smother him, obscuring his vision.

Melora, he thinks again, with desperation and heartbreak and terror.

And then the pain begins.

**********

2. The Winds of Time

In the darkness, Fathom hears the sound of ocean waves. He knows the Material Plane and several others by now — the Astral Plane, the Feywild, Orthrys, the Plane of Time, and Pandemonium among them. This place is none of those. This is maybe not a place at all but a feeling, a moment between breathing in and breathing out. It holds him like the fuzzy apathy from the illithid's Mind Blast did, but a thousand times more transient, more ineffable.

Fathom is alone here — until he is not.

He learned a long time ago to see beyond the sight of his eyes, to sense beyond the flesh that covers his bones. It’s that ability now that tells him who surrounds him.

First is the clicking of goat hooves and an uncanny chuckle, a presence as mysterious and mercurial as a dream. The glint of sharp teeth smiling, and a shimmer like a heat mirage. Fathom recognizes the unpredictable, long-limbed, goat-eyed Archfey-in-the-form-of-a-man who scraped him off the rocks of the Feywild and brought him back to life the first time. The Entertainer. The Twilight Walker.

Second comes the rustling of midnight-black wings, which bring an endless field of stars in their wake. This void is hers, as is the longbow the halfling wields and every inch of Tanazil's new human body. Fathom has passed through her domain several times now, but only discovered recently that she was once a person like him. A friend of the party's, once, until she sunk into a slumber from which she would never wake. Umbra, the Raven Queen. Keeper of the boundary between life and death.

Fathom actually tastes the third presence in the back of his throat, the sweet and heady burn of alcohol mid-swallow. If he had a face right now, he'd smile, because it's a familiar sensation. It reminds him of the wild nights of carousing he's participated in over the years and, more rarely, the sheer bloody joy of splitting knuckles and breaking furniture in tavern brawls. There's an energy to this presence, careless and defiant. Appropriate for one of the youngest gods, whose reign over his twin domains of strength and luck is just beginning. Cayden, proprietor of the Drunken Sailor until his recent removal from the Material Plane.

Fourth is another brand-new god, one whom the party itself assisted in his ascension. With him comes the clicking of tiny gears and the whisper of sand through an hourglass that now only exists in memory. He is a god of brilliant ideas and science precise enough to navigate through the stained-glass labyrinth of the Plane of Time — and while Fathom respects him, he does not understand him in the slightest. Fathom will keep his own slow thoughts and poor reading comprehension, and leave the worship of this god to the more intellectual party members, like Curt. Fizzlewick, once a gnome artificer who spliced together various realities. Now so much more.

Fifth is the reason they are all here, an overpowering feminine force who is both beautiful and terrible. Like Umbra, her wings would engulf all if Fathom could see them, but he has already witnessed their burning white radiance. He’s got his suspicions about Trox's allegiance, because he's seen the bug man's shell light with the same bleached-bone color. Amidst the chaos, Fathom can hear the thrum of the threads of Fate as they dance between her fingers. If she has a name beyond the mistress of such things, he does not know of it.

Last and most beloved is the taste of salt and the scent of ozone, vast and untamed ever-changing. Fathom's loyalty to her is as boundless as the waters she rules over and as fierce as the violence of the tempest. She has been in every breath he takes since the day he was brought into the world, and he will follow and fight for her long after he leaves it. Melora, goddess of sea and the wilderness. Fathom has pledged himself to her before, and would do it a thousand times again.

There are other gods here too, ones Fathom has heard of from the many faithful he's met in his travels. But these are the ones Fathom knows, the ones Fathom has actually met personally and spoken to. They surround him with their awful, unspeakable power — if Fathom were still alive, this much divine energy in one place would undoubtedly blow him into tiny pieces or melt his eyes right out of his skull.

"Hi," Fathom says, or tries to. "What's up, guys?"

It is Fizzlewick who answers him, voice gleaming gold against the blackness that surrounds them. His words resonate in Fathom's mind, deafening and omnipresent in a way they never were in life. WE ARE WAITING, he says.

Fathom considers this. "Waiting for what?"

WAITING FOR A CHOICE, Fizzlewick says, and does not explain further.

"Aren't you the god of time?" Fathom asks, skeptical.

YES, Fizzlewick replies, and is it just Fathom's imagination, or does he sound a little bit cranky? THAT IS WHY I AM GIVING HIM THE TIME TO CONSIDER IT.

"Oh. That makes sense, I guess."

Several ideas connect suddenly in Fathom's head, in that lightning-flash and logic-less way he processes concepts:

Curt, invisibility spell broken, screaming himself hoarse in a way Fathom has only heard once before. Although that time he’s been a version of Curt from a future where the illithid had triumphed, and then after the screaming stopped he wasn't Curt at all.

The sound of a vial uncorking. The screaming suddenly cut short.

A gift that Curt was given weeks earlier, when the party visited Fate's domain, in faint disapproval but also in consolation. A promise that the gods had not given up on the young wizard entirely, not yet.

"Huh," Fathom says.

So he settles down to wait in the way he does best: aimless, serene, equivocal. Just vibing. The pain and terror that accompanied his death seem very far away, like faded colors or muted sounds.

At some point, the waiting ends. Was it half a second, or was it forever? It could have been either. Fizzlewick speaks again, and Fathom's soul rouses itself to respond.

HE CHOSE CORRECTLY, Fizzlewick says.

"Cool. So what happens now?"

NOW, Fizzlewick says, I SEND YOU BACK TO HELP MY CHAMPION.

That's new information, actually — that Fizzlewick now has a champion — but it doesn't take a genius to figure out who Fizzlewick's talking about. Which is good, because Fathom definitely isn't one.

The void, the gods, this in-between place — all begin to dissolve, in the same rhythmic way that waves erase footprints in the sand. Instead of divine presence, Fathom becomes aware of a ceaseless wind that carries the whispers of insanity along with it. As the sound of the wind — which somehow, mysteriously, continues to blow indoors and underground — increases, so does another sound: a rapid, clicking whir. Like the hands of a pocket-watch, spinning forward. Or backward. Or both.

Fathom can see again: golden light, bright enough to sear through his closed eyelids. More to the point, he's back in his body, in his deeply cursed plate armor, with his arm made of water and his silver trident at his fingertips.

He is alive, and he's pretty sure his brain is firmly inside his skull, which are both things he never thought he’d experience again.

Fathom's eyes flutter open to a scene that would look really strange if it wasn’t the one he'd been seeing just before his untimely death. Trox and Tanazil are hacking at the illithid, both wielding enormous axes and foaming with berserker's rage. The halfling's elk is there too, rearing up with its wickedly sharp front hooves to contribute to the damage. The giant translucent pods up on the dais seem to have increased in number, which is odd, but it is not the oddest thing here by far.

As Fathom clambers to his feet, he realizes he doesn't just feel alive — he feels great. Better than he ever has in his multiple lives, maybe. The glow that haloed him is already fading, but there is another god's power present here, crashing inside him like thunder and breaking surf. Fathom feels almost limitless. Renewed. Reinvigorated.

"Now that's more like it," he says with satisfaction.

He sends a fragmentary thought through the telepathy rings, just enough to tell the nameless halfling he is alive. Her joy radiates back at him, warm and wonderful.

Then Fathom hefts his shield and his trident, and prepares again to fight.

********** 

3. That Sweet And Final Hour

Melora takes him home. Or rather, Melora takes him back to the only place that has always been there for him, a place that has taken from and given to and blessed and cursed him. Melora takes him back to the place that has always been hers, and now is a little bit Fathom's too.

Melora clasps his hand and pulls him between planes with a lurching tug he has come to recognize, not unlike free fall or the sudden drop of a ship's deck below his feet. And then he is with his goddess on the cliffs of Cherat, in the very spot he once stood and whipped up a storm, looking out over the wind-roughened gray expanse of the sea.

Fathom turns to Melora, unashamed of the tears in his eyes. "Thank you," he says, breathing deeply. "It's good to be home."

"Yes," Melora says somberly, looking out across the water.

They stand there for a moment side by side, saying nothing because they have said all there is to say already. The world has been saved. The tapestry of Fate has been re-woven. Fathom's friends, the little dysfunctional adventuring party he has kept alive at all costs, have gone their separate ways. Fathom's journey is, in so many ways, all over.

"I wasn't sure we'd make it here," Fathom confesses, scratching idly at his darkness-beard. He shrugs. "But I figured I'd try anyway, you know?"

Melora shakes her head, smiling, her long hair rippling as it shifts against her bare shoulders. "I know," she says plainly. "I wasn't sure you would either."

"That makes three times I've died," Fathom muses. "Can't say I want to make it a habit. That last one really hurt."

Melora winces. "Fixing that was Fizzlewick's doing. I couldn't— There's only so much I could do, when—"

"I know," Fathom says quickly. He isn't sure if a goddess feels things like awkwardness or embarrassment, but that's certainly the image Melora projects when she stumbles over her words like this. It delights him, actually, the thought that he's spent enough time with her now to recognize the habit.

"I'm glad," Melora says, relaxing slightly. "That you survived. Or, well. That you're alive now."

Fathom tips his head back and closes his eyes, letting the sea breeze mist across his already-damp skin. "That makes two of us," he says. After a moment, he adds, "'Cause now that I've done the save-the-universe thing a couple times, I just want to chill for a bit. And I feel like hanging out on the Material Plane would be weird if I was dead."

"Weird, yes," Melora acknowledges with a nod. "Also sort of forbidden by Umbra and her followers."

"Ha. Wouldn't want Tanazil coming after me. That axe of his is pretty sharp. Though..." Fathom brushes his fingers against the hilt of his trident. "I kind of feel like I could take him."

"Hmm. Maybe." Melora's smile is amused, maybe a little indulgent.

"Curt seemed to think he'd be able to do it," Fathom continues. "But Curt has a pretty big head when it comes to his own powers." He pauses, voice softening. "He made the right choice, though. When it counted."

"That he did." 

Fathom shakes his head, sighing. "Imagine fighting the illithid and all that because it was the right thing to do. A moral compass, or whatever."

Melora makes a little noise of objection.

"What? I know damn well I'm not that selfless."

"And what do you call your help in the whole matter then?"

Fathom stares at her. Surely she is just teasing — surely she must know. "My lady," he says, frowning. "That was all for you."

Melora blinks, a slow sweep of her lashes, her eyes glistening gray-blue-green-black-gold. Then she smiles, reaches across to pat Fathom on the shoulder.

"My champion," she says fondly.

Fathom shuffles his feet and squints out at the water again. There is silence between them for several long minutes, though of course it is never really silent here. The waves hiss and crash, and above their heads gulls screech and circle. The sky is a boundless blue, darkening to slate where clouds encroach at its edges.

Fathom is like a grain of sand on this beach, a tiny part of something much larger. His soul sings with it, with the connection to the land and the sky and the sea. He is suddenly quite certain that if he wanted to, he could step into open air and soar. Could fly upward towards the bright, alluring heat of the sun until his lungs lost their breath. Then he'd tumble downward head over heels to meet the sea under sunlight, and it would welcome him into its salty and eternal embrace.

Melora has entrusted him with part of her domain, and Fathom thinks this is one of the few things he’ll be able to carry with him for the rest of his life. One of the sole responsibilities he'll shoulder and never ever grow tired of, never seek restlessly to move on and walk away. He's left so many people and places behind, but this — this he can keep.

"So," Melora says after some unknown amount of time has passed. "What's next? Mushrooms?"

Fathom tilts his head. "Do you mean going to visit Toad like we planned, or the kind that makes you hallucinate? 'Cause I'm down either way."

"Yes," says his goddess, and offers him her hand again.

**********

4. Epilogue: The Almighty Sea

Fathom Tidechaser lives his life.

He spends two weeks with Tanazil in silent retreat and contemplation, drinking in the richness of the ancient, mossy forest, perfectly at peace. But while it’s a haven of relaxation and redemption for Tanazil, Fathom can’t linger. He’s never been able to settle down, not even for a few months. The power Melora has blessed him with guides him onward like he’s a ship sailing toward the horizon, pointing into the bittersweet unknown.

The halfling and her fey patron are always able to find him no matter where he travels, and it becomes something of a game between them all: to play pranks on Fathom, to get their tricks past his uncanny awareness of his surroundings. He catches them as often as they succeed, and it’s always a joyful reunion. The once-nameless halfling introduces herself these days with the name the Entertainer has given her. It suits her.

Curt turns twenty, which is a surprise to everyone who thought he'd get himself killed long before that. Technically he has, several times, but Fathom figures that any debt Curt built up from Fathom's resurrections was definitely repaid when Curt asked Fizzlewick to revive him. So they are equals now. On an even footing. Fathom has zero interest in the school of magic Curt is establishing on the moon, but he can recognize the bright-eyed whip-smart type of adventurer who would thrive there. He frequently sends Curt new recruits, and along with them his best wishes, but visits rarely.

Fathom travels as he always has. Now, though, he can raise and quiet storms at his command. He can also fly without a spell, skimming over the surface of the ocean for miles until he finds a ship and scares the hell out of its crew by landing on the rigging like a gigantic shiny albatross. When he is addressed as a minor deity, he scoffs, but then he wonders: are the frightened sailors that far off the mark? 

Fathom dies — finally, permanently, for good — at a much younger age than most, but that's hardly surprising. He is powerful enough to face almost any creature on the Material Plane, and several more planes besides, but the one person he can't resurrect is himself. It isn’t a dramatic sacrifice, nor is it a gentle and peaceful passing. It is simply a death — ugly and brutal and fast.

He greets Umbra as a friend, only exchanging a few words with her. Because they both know where he’s going, of course. Melora is one of the few deities with no astral domain, choosing instead to wander the cosmos eternally. So this is less of an ending and more of a transformation — from one way of being to another, like a wave breaking and returning to the water. Fathom’s soul still travels, still soars over the sea, still stirs up storms in thunderous magnificence. 

Fathom Tidechaser dies, and serves his goddess long past his death, until his name is mentioned in the same breath as hers. Things change, as they always do. Fathom dies, but he lives on.

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 6 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: Splitting this next segment up into at least two parts because otherwise, it will be insanely long (this part contains 2 of at least 6 events that I have in mind for this short span of time). I’d love to know what you think of this chapter, especially considering that Paul is very much present. Also please feel free to send me any songs that you think I should add to the series playlist. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no    Warnings: cursing.   Word Count: 2,865+ text convos

_____________________________________________________________

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.�� 

From the moment I’d been hired by the podcast, I’d been working on putting together all of the details for a Vegas trip for the NHL awards. Now, after months of hard work, everything was set for the guys to spend a week in Vegas. Our title sponsor for the trip was one of the many hotel-casinos who had reserved a 4 bedroom suite for the podcast hosts as well as a few standard rooms for the camera and production guys. Additionally, all of the media passes for the event were ready to go and I knew the boys had lined up quite a few guests. With everything set and the awards only a week away I was hoping to maybe be able to take a mini-vacation myself at home while they partied it up and got tons of content to last through the summer. 

It had been maybe an hour from when I sent the boys an email with all of the important details for the trip when my phone buzzed with an incoming text from Paul. 

______

So, because I lacked all capability to tell Paul Bissonnette ‘no’ when he asked me to do something, I was currently pulling my suitcase through the Vegas airport at almost midnight the night before the awards. Checking my phone I saw that Paul had texted me one message with the room number and which room in the suite was ours as well as another saying that the rest of the boys had gone out but that he’d be there when I got in. I had previously told him not to wait up for me and had even fought with him when he wanted to come to pick me up. It was completely ridiculous for him to even think about taking an Uber to the airport just to uber back to the hotel. 

Grabbing a cab, it wasn’t long before I had arrived at the hotel and after stopping at the front desk for a key to the room and to make sure the boys hadn’t had any problems with the reservations, I took the elevator upstairs and let myself into a dark and silent suite. Part of me had expected Paul to be up watching tv or something but it was too quiet for that. He’d said that we were staying in the first room on the right and so I quietly headed over, pausing in the doorway when my eyes caught sight of him. 

The only light in the room was coming from the open blinds letting in the city lights and Paul was sprawled out on the bed on his stomach fast asleep. The way the light and shadows highlighted the muscles of his naked back made my body react involuntarily and I took a deep breath trying not to gasp. Reminding myself that this was definitely just the pregnancy hormones getting the best of me, I slipped into the room and closed the door to the living room behind me. 

As quietly as I could, I hung my dress up in the wardrobe and got my pajamas and things for bed out of my suitcase before sneaking into the bathroom to get ready to go to sleep. It was beyond late and with the time change, I was exhausted. Paul was still taking up most of the bed when I stepped out of the bathroom and flipped off the light, using the flashlight on my phone to guide me across the room to close the curtains and then to the edge of the bed. Perched on what little bed was not occupied by a large man, I gently reached out and rubbed my hand over his back trying to stir him just enough that he’d roll over and make room. Getting no reaction I sighed. 

“Paul...are you actually gonna share the bed like you promised or am I stuck sleeping on the couch tonight?” I whispered. Rubbing his back once more I felt his muscles twitch and suddenly his body was moving, arm reaching out to take my hand and pull me into him. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I settled into his embrace, his solid chest pressed into my back. As his body shifted to surround me further, the hand that had grabbed mine moved to drape over my waist. 

We’d snuggled like this before, but back then I didn’t have a 21-week baby bump protruding from my front. It was clear that in his sleepy state he expected what he was used to before because the moment his arm didn’t drape the way he expected he froze against me. A change in his breathing signaled that he was now actually awake and his hand gently caressed my stomach for a moment. 

“Holy shit Leigh…” His sleep laden voice murmured from behind me. “You...that’s...I didn’t...wow.” Shaking my head at him a little I rolled onto my back so that I could look over at him. As I shifted, Paul reached over to tap the bedside light on, allowing us to actually see each other. 

“It’s called a baby bump Paul...this is kinda what happens when you’re pregnant and the baby starts to get bigger. There’s only so much space in there for the baby to grow otherwise.” His gaze was dark and lazy as our eyes met before he swept a look up and down my body taking in the changes that he’d missed due to living on separate sides of the country. 

“I knew that…” He declared, glaring at me softly. “I just...I don’t know. I haven’t seen you in a few months and I don’t know why but I wasn’t expecting you to be showing. Not like this.” I knew he wasn’t implying that I was fat or anything, just that his brain hadn’t actually processed the changes that my body would undergo during pregnancy. 

“Not so easy to hide anymore huh?” I questioned and he nodded but his eyes hadn’t left my stomach, nor had his hand. 

“Fuck...I...are you okay with me touching?” He asked at least being conscious enough to know that women frequently complained about people touching their bellies. It was clear that he wanted to touch and explore. To make the connection between the baby that we so frequently talked about and how said baby currently existed inside me. Smiling over at him I nodded, though he wasn’t looking and therefore didn’t see it. 

“Go for it,” I assured him. “You are one of the few people I think I can put on my approved bump touch list.” I teased. Part of me had at least expected him to crack a smile at that but I don’t think he was paying attention to my words since the second I gave him permission to touch. 

The way his strong fingers grazed over my belly so gently caused a shiver to run up my spine and I just watched him for a moment before closing my eyes and relaxing. For a few minutes, he just caressed and pressed his palm to my stomach before his fingers dipped down to the edge of my shirt. Peeking up at him I could see the adoration in his eyes as he looked at the way my body had adapted to growing the little boy or girl inside of me. I felt blessed to know that he already loved this baby so much even though he had no real reason to and it made me want to give him as much as I could so far as letting him bond with the baby went. 

“Here…” I breathed, rolling just slightly to adjust my shirt so that it rested just under my breasts, exposing the skin of my stomach to him, stretch marks and all. I knew that touching through clothes was one thing but letting him see the way that my skin had stretched, and letting him touch without that barrier in the way was something else entirely. 

Paul’s hand quickly found its way back to the bump and when he looked up at me again his eyes were moist with tears. Meeting his gaze with concern, I reached over to brush my thumb against his cheek. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, his body leaning into my touch as much as I had his earlier. “I just...this is incredible. I...I didn’t expect that this would affect me so much.” It was totally understandable for him to have that reaction and I did my best to communicate that to him without words. My own voice was stuck in my throat seeing him get emotional over something that I’d personally gotten used to because it was my new normal. “You...I hope you know that you were beautiful before...but you’re absolutely gorgeous like this. Pregnancy suits you.” The intent behind his words confused me but he was so sure of them that I couldn’t help the flush that came over my entire body. Catching my breath after a moment I glanced over at the alarm clock beside the bed. 

“So...can we go to sleep now...because it’s the middle of the night back home and being pregnant is exhausting.” My words seemed to snap Paul out of his trance. 

“Fuck...of course. I...goodnight Leigh.” His words were spoken with a soft kiss to my temple, but before I could attempt to roll over, Paul had shifted, leaning over me. “Goodnight dustbunny.” He added and for a split second his lips were pressed against my stomach before he was laying back down beside me, a sheepish look on his face. “Didn’t want baby to feel left out.” He mumbled before switching the light back off so that we could all get some sleep. 

Tucked back against his chest, I was nearly off to dreamland when I heard him whisper softly into the room. “I’m here for whatever you and your mama need dustbunny...that’s a promise.” 

__________________________

When I woke the next morning, Paul was still passed out beside me. Gingerly, I slid out of his arms needing first to use the bathroom and then to get some food before the baby decided to protest. After taking care of my bladder needs and slipping on a pair of shorts, I quietly opened the door to the living room wondering if the boys had any food in the kitchen or if they’d eaten out for every single meal since arriving in Vegas. 

Padding softly through the living room around to the little kitchen in the suite, I could hear RA and Grinnell talking softly from over by the patio doors. When I arrived in the kitchen I found a couple of small boxes of cereal as well as a small bottle of milk in the minifridge. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, I rubbed the remaining sleep from my eyes before moving back to lean against the counter dividing the kitchen and living space while I ate. It was only then that I addressed the crew’s oldest host and our production manager by saying good morning. 

Both quickly returned my greeting but didn’t look over at me right away. However, upon finishing their conversation, they turned to me and it was comical to see the double-take that Mikey did when his eyes saw me. 

“What the fuck is that?” He asked only to be scolded by RA murmuring a ‘dude…’ in his direction. Swallowing the bite of cereal I’d put into my mouth I started laughing at how thrown these two grown men seemed at the sight of a pregnant woman. 

“Um...surprise?” I stated, trying to downplay things in order to not generate a large reaction. 

“Why didn’t Biz fucking tell us he’s gonna be a dad?” Mikey exclaimed, visibly getting worked up and speaking without really thinking about his words. Again RA tried to get him to shut up for a minute but he continued to rant for a moment about how ‘this was a big deal’ and ‘since when did Biz keep secrets like this….’ 

“Michael Grinnell...will you shut up for a minute?” I declared, setting my now empty bowl down on the counter. “Biz didn’t tell you that he’s gonna be a dad because he’s not…” I immediately motioned for him to let me continue but before I could, a voice sounded from my left.

“How far along do you think she is dumbass?” Ryan Whitney chirped as he made his way into the kitchen for his own breakfast. His lack of reaction to what he’d just walked into caught me off guard for a moment before I turned to look at him. 

“How long have you known?” I asked accusatorily.  He at least had the courtesy to look guilty as he mumbled that I probably already knew the answer to that. Carding my fingers through my hair, I sighed and shook my head. “You’ve known as long as Paul has…” I was slightly annoyed by that and it clearly showed on my face causing Whit to backpedal. 

“I didn’t know know…” He explained. “Yes...Biz texted me asking if you being sick the way you were was normal and the suspicion was kind of unspoken. He never actually told me that you were though...it was just pretty obvious when the two of you posted scenic pictures when I knew he was taking you to the doctors’. If it was a bug you would have been in bed resting, long drive implies a distraction and it wasn’t hard to figure out from that, that his suspicions had been right.” I couldn’t really be angry about the fact that he’d deduced it based on information obtained before anyone knew for certain that I was pregnant. “Plus...Biz has been different the past few months and it’s pretty obvious why…” He added, gesturing toward my stomach. 

“So….if Biz isn’t the dad…” Mikey jumped back into the conversation, his expression suggesting that he’d been thinking a little too hard about all of this. Suddenly his eyes went wide. “Oh...shit.” He murmured like it had all hit him at once. Needing to take control of the situation back I placed a hand on my stomach, taking a deep breath. 

“Yes. I’m pregnant. No, we’re not talking about the whole paternity situation. Yes, Paul and evidently Whit have known for a few months. I didn’t tell my parents until last month and I’m not ready to go fully public with an announcement yet which is why I hadn’t said anything. Now, if we can just move on...that would be wonderful.” 

Thankfully Whit was able to distract RA and Grinnell with a discussion of setting up for the interviews they were recording before the awards tonight and I was able to slip back to the bedroom, suddenly feeling like I needed a nap even though I’d just woke up. 

I’d been staring out the window, trying to clear my mind and decide what I wanted to do until I had to start getting ready when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and I was pulled back into a firm chest. 

“You okay?” Paul asked, his fingers once again rubbing gentle circles over the expanse of my stomach. Leaning into him I nodded and just focused on his touch and soothing presence. 

“The boys know.” I eventually whispered and I could feel him chuckle softly. 

“I mean...I kind of figured...it only takes one look at you like this.” Feeling his lips press against my hair I sighed. “Plus I could hear Grinnell freaking out. Are you okay with the cat being out of the bag so to speak?” Shrugging I sighed but didn’t say anything. I kind of had to be okay, though it did again bring the fear of the world finding out tonight on national tv to the front of my mind. I could only pray that the dress I’d found would do a sufficient job of hiding my growing stomach in the way that a pair of shorts and a clingy tank top couldn’t. 

Spinning me around Paul pulled me into a hug. We stood like that for a few minutes before there was a knock on the bedroom door with RA calling out that Paul needed to get his ass into gear so they could get started. When he pulled back reluctantly, he kissed the top of my head. 

“I’ll be fine...go,” I assured him. “Dustbunny and I are just gonna lay back down for a little while. I’ll set an alarm to wake me in a couple hours so I can start getting ready for tonight.” 

With one more caress of my bump, Paul retreated to the living room to work and I slipped back into bed, pulling his pillow from his side of the bed to cuddle. With sounds of laughter coming from the next room I quickly drifted off to sleep, hoping that I would wake up more excited for the awards than I currently felt. 

No Social Media for this Chapter. 

[shainlov]

New Years Exchange!!!

@the-sociopathic-jacket I was your gifter! And this is... longer than it was supposed to, I’m so sorry.

Nemuri never forgave herself, but life moves on.

A year before Midnight joined UA staff, she had a difficult case including her family members that no hero should've go through but it’s just such a common trope.

Nemuri Kayama was forever convinced that the case of Sosuke’s killer was going to forever stay her hardest one. Even five years later, she still grieved the boy she didn’t know until a few brief moments before his demise.

If she were to guess when it all began, it would be when she got involved in the case. Though… Sosuke’s... parents would point at her pathetic hero career and shout that it was then when she went to the hero school when she started... she doomed Sosuke to death... because anyone else would’ve done a better job and saved him.

If she never went to the hero school, Sosuke would’ve never attracted the attention of that villain. Or any villain at all.

If she were a smarter woman, a braver-- If not for her incompetence he'd… well, either way, she’s never been the same.

Kayama saw horrible things, but the death of the young boy taken it’s greatest hit on her yet.

She couldn’t bear the guilt alone... she was very bad at handling her feelings on her own. She depended on people to help her to take care of herself when she was at her worst.

Of course, those people weren’t either Present Mic or Eraserhead, they barely held their emotional baggage. It was her wife who helped her through awful episodes each time.

Midnight was ever so slightly jealously looking at a monitor, watching a disgustingly romantic scene playing out between Ms. Joke and Eraserhead - it was the origin of Emi’s “marry me” joke that she repeated endlessly tormenting both Nemuri and Shouta with.

Both of her... friends were very good actors - convincing enough to make Midnight envious, even a little worried about whether they were genuine. She had to pinch herself to calm down and tell herself that Aizawa Shouta was gay. A few times.

Shouta would never answer to the advances of a person he wasn’t attracted to. Shouta would never try to hurt Nemuri either - hell, he asked many times if she was alright with his part in the operation because he knew of her silly crush.

Other than three of them at the scene, there were also two other underground heroes and a nearby police station on alert, waiting tensely for a signal. One of the extra teammates was inside the bar as an immediate back-up, while Midnight was waiting outside with the other guy. Shouta said he's never seen either of them before. It made Midnight wonder about how big the Underground Agency was.

That’s when Nemuri’s mobile meant for hero-related stuff rang. Excusing herself, she stepped out of the van, gladly distracting herself from the monitors.

“Lovely," She murmured to herself, "who’s this?” She answered in her "Midnight" voice, she didn’t recognize the number. Her fans liked to get her phone number from her agency’s site and call her. Some were sweet, while others just plain creepy.

“Mistress Midnight,” The voice on the other end of the line striked her immediately as someone dangerous. She was pretty good at reading people based off of their voice alone. Nobody in her agency had this voice and only those people addressed her as Mistress. “I’d suggest you come to your office quickly and pick it up, you have a very important message there." The person sounded almost giddy, like a little child who got a treat, or rather, in this situation, left someone a treat and wanted to see their reaction to it. With years of hero training and experience, she formed a suspect’s profile. "Time is extendable, but I don’t have forever.” This could be another freaky fan, but her gut was giving her especially bad vibe. “Ah, and don’t worry, we’re going to meet soon.”

Kayama was confused as to what the hell was that supposed to mean, but for now, she returned to the van. She was still on her mission and she had to keep the watch in case of Shouta and Emi requesting a back-up. Stepping back into the van, she bumped into the underground hero guy.

He shouted at her to get out there and "do her thing" because the operation was going to shit.

Alright then.

Nemuri counted herself as a part of the case ever since the villain called her phone which led her... home. The home of a naive pretty little girl who grew too fond of heroes and aspired to become like them.

Which resulted in the pretty little girl getting kicked out.

At 4 AM, about five hours after apprehending the villain gang and sending them into jail, Nemuri was sitting in her office.

Her leg bouncing as she looked at her phone. She had only a few saved numbers - only people she trusted were there, but there was an exception. There were two numbers saved of people she didn't trust one bit, and the missed calls came from them.

Back then, the agency building was her only home - she had a side room off of her big office - where she lived. Her office was modest, the only pieces of furniture were a desk, three leather armchairs, and her chair on wheels. The walls were covered praising articles and her posters, and also a sue for "too revealing outfit". She won that lawsuit by saying that the costume-regulation laws weren't established yet. They served as amusement for her bad mood.

In her desk's drawer, there were letters from her fans, police officers, some secret admirers and not-so-secret ones. She never responded because of her brand, and the other reason was... well, she was irreversibly lesbian. Male advances flattered her, but she wasn't interested.

"Hard to get" was helping her to sell more merchandise.

Below that drawer, she held some private things - like embarrassing photos of her cousins and aunts - and her identification documents. Only a small fraction though, she knew how things could get messy, and the most important stuff were kept in the side room, where she was the sole person who had access. It was relatively small and consisted of a pull-out couch and a wardrobe, and a small kitchen, and it connected to a bathroom with a shower and bathtub.

She used the shower at around 1 AM and ever since has been sitting motionlessly only changing the object that she was blankly staring at. The leather armchair in her office already dried from the water her wet tangled hair left.

Two notifications read:

You have missed 4 call(s) from Father

You have missed 17 call(s) from Mother

...and Midnight was… puzzled.

What was she supposed to do? The Kayamas have disowned her ages ago! What could’ve they wanted from her? They had everything! She was their disappointment! Her parents disowned her when she got into the hero school because she didn't want to play "status", and "power", and "house".

She disobeyed and went against what her parents thought was best for her. What was she even to them after all? A doll? They've married out of love and she was supposed to be sold? What's fair in that?

Pretty face, no brains and talented at dress-up games - that's what she started as. She still had little to no brain, but she wasn't useless anymore.

Surely, there was no emotional attachment to her. After all, they threw her out of her--their home. Well, not officially, and since that wasn't legal and they didn't want to be labeled as child abusers by abandoning her, they got her an apartment, moved her things and paid for it until she was 21.

She got her act together, unlocked the phone to look at dozens of missed texts.

Most of them were demanding to call back as soon as possible. When that list ended, she noticed the gap between this flood of texts and the last ones she sent them on New Year’s Eve back when she was 22 and hoped that she could fix their relationship... somehow.

So, not minding the hour, she called. It took two attempts - each to different parent - before Mother picked up. Her voice sounded… weary.

“Hello?”

“What happened?” Midnight didn’t quite sit well with the fact she was talking to her parents after promising herself to not look back.

“Nemuri?” The surprise in the woman’s voice that answered the phone was no wonder - she didn’t hear Nemuri’s voice for straight-up over ten years.

“Yeah. Why were you calling me?”

“Well… it’s about Sosuke, yo-- my son.” Nemuri flinched at that.

Of course, her parents wouldn’t know about her being aware of who Sosuke Kayama was. Her mother didn’t tell her she was pregnant, she officially hasn’t met him, she never talked with him. Nemuri was disowned sixteen years ago, and Sosuke was fourteen.

When she heard her mother went into labor, she sneaked into the hospital to greet her replacement and wish him good luck, but after that, she didn’t make any effort to contact him.

“What about him?” She kept her voice flat.

“He’s been kidnapped and it’s your fault.” Kayama Saori’s voice was sweet in her perfume commercials, but now it made Nemuri want to throw up. She leaned forward with her ear pressed to the phone. The heroine didn’t know whether she wanted to start apologizing or to throw the phone yelling that it wasn’t her fault.

“It’s not. Did you call to send me hate mail?” For the first few moments, it didn’t reach Nemuri that she was talking about a kidnapping over a phone. She never came to accept that her mother and father rejected her. So now, thoughts processed slower than usual.

“They want you to be the one to find him. You HAVE TO do this.”

“They?” Nemuri frowned, slightly surprised her mother hasn’t broken into wails yet. That was unusual…

“Yes. Whoever did this.”

It’s a game then?

Midnight bit at her thumb frustrated. Her little brother-- Sosuke was in danger because of her hero career? Was that true?

“I’ll call the police to question you, I am not a detective.” She said simply going for the disconnect button.

“No police or else he will be killed. Hurry.” Her mother hissed before she hung up. That left Nemuri frozen in her seat. So it was because of her.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21848440

[wildtorres-a]

surprise, surprise.

WHAT? —  when drew finds lia outside of the torres household at an odd hour, he invites her in, and in turn receives some news that is sure to change both of their lives.

WHEN? —   saturday night, april 11th.

TRIGGERS? —  pregnancy, mention of drugs, mention of death.

FEATURING —  lia rosenburg ( @rosenburg-lia ), brief appearance of mike dallas ( @dallas-micheal )

i cant be pregnant, theres not a possibly way this shit is correct That was all that was going through Lias mind since the night prior. A very restless night of tossing and turning with dreams and nightmares of what was to come. One second dreaming about the perfect white picket fence life, Drew playing catch with their son in the yard. Amelia cooking in the kitchen with their daughter as the animals roamed around. The next her and Drew at each others throats, no ounce of happiness shining on either of their faces. Waking up and staring at the ceiling while she thought of every scenario her little brain could.

Thats how she found herself outside of the Torres residence, creeping down the side of the house. She knew better than to knock on the front door, it was almost midnight and the last thing she needed was Audra on her case for coming to her house so late. She cautiously knocked on the sliding glass door, hoping either Drew or Dallas heard her. Her body shaking, maybe from the frigid Canadian nights and her thin tracksuit. Or maybe it was the anxiety flowing through every ounce of her body as she continued to knock.

drew had alot on his mind, to say the least. he had just gotten back from edmonton a few hours prior, and all he wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep. he didn’t have any more emotions to give for the night, was both physically and emotionally exhausted. he figured he’d talk to both omar and audra about alex the following day, and see if there was anything they could do to reunite the siblings. figuring that he could at least eat a bowl of cereal, being that he hadn't eaten anything all day, he started making his way down the steps and towards the kitchen.

it's only a few seconds later, that he hears the gentle knocks against the glass, and he raises his eyebrows in confusion at who it could be, especially at this time at night. he makes his way over, moving the curtain to see the girl he’d been thinking about since he got home, amongst all the chaos. quickly, he unlocks the door, opens it, and pulls her in. “lia, what are you doing here?” he questions, not unhappy to see her. “you’re freezing,” he comments, pulling his nike jacket off and draping it around her petite shoulders. “come on,” he grabs her hand, and leads her up to his room, forgetting about what he'd initially went downstairs for. thankful that everyone else is asleep, he closes the door before making his way over to her and connecting their lips.

she saw his figure as he came downstairs, even in the barely there lighting she could tell it was him. she wasnt sure what to expect, the last time she had laid eyes on him she slapped him. but she didnt know what else to do at this stage, she had already spoken to Vanessa, put it out into the universe. drew was her best friend once, she should be able to just talk to him about it, she hoped anyway.

Her face lit up, not that she was aware, or if drew had even noticed. But the second her eyes landed on his face, you could see something in her perk up. even with the hostility she held towards the boy at the moment, he always held a special place in her heart and it felt nice to see him again. "I needed to talk to you," She spoke softly, her eyes meeting his for a second, "thank you," sliding her arms through the jacket and tugging it around her petite frame. her eyes trail to their hands, a soft smile on her lips as she followed him to his room. Taking the brief second to look around before his lips were on hers. Almost forgetting the reason she came as she melted into it. A few minutes into the heated makeout session, it was like a spark in Lia as she pushed Drew away, "No, we need to talk," She spoke sharply, as if realizing she had made a mistake or something. She hadnt meant to come and hook up with Drew, that had been the furthest thing from her mind. "Plus someone said he wasnt good for me," She spoke with a pointed tone as she sat on his bed, tucking her legs into a pretzel shape.

the brunette had been trying to make sense of his thoughts about the girl he’d been trying to avoid for the past week. trying to decide if they had done the right thing that memorable night, if they ruined their friendship, in the right way or wrong. it was clear that the thought of her hadn’t left his mind, the feel of her lip gloss against his lips, how something as simple as her touch made him fill with warmth, the way her eyes shined when he made her laugh or smile. he’s not sure exactly what this entails, but there’s some part of him that’s kicking himself for not having seen this before. how was it possible that amelia rosenburg had been there all this time, and he was only now noticing how great she really was.

and suddenly he's so glad that she’s here. not even just for sex, now having noticed just how hard it was to stay away from her. wanting to text her every time he heard a funny joke, or came up with an idea for their next scheme, or just wanting to hear about her day. — and still, he liked her enough to keep his distance, she deserved far more than he could give her, everyone did. “i’m all ears,” he says once they're in the room. lips moving along with hers in sync, tongue slipping into her mouth, until suddenly she pulls away. still wanting to be near to her, he sits down beside her, and pulls her soft hand back into his, bringing her closer. “i think we’ve established that i’m an idiot,” he grins, before letting out a sigh, “but i’m not, good for you. still i have something to tell you,” he gazes into her eyes, “i wasn’t at a motel fucking some girl, i was… looking for my birth mom. she-” still has great difficulty uttering the words, and yet he swallows and tries again. “she overdosed about three months ago, and she left because she never wanted me,” hold backs the pain that washes over him, but can’t stop his jaw from clenching. “i thought about her for years, and she just didn't want me” the words fall from his lips slowly, taking it all in.

while lias feelings hadnt stayed the same about drew the whole friendship, she knew for certain he was a staple in her life. sophomore year lia wouldve been more than ecstatic to find out what had transpired between the teens. her feelings for the male at an all time high, something had been telling her that he had felt the same back then. only to find out he was with her cousin, and she was happy for them. but there was something about how easily he made things feel okay. made her feel happy with a simple text, if something happened in her day her first instinct was to send him a long snapchat about it.  spamming him with memes on hastygram, the little things they did for eachother. but now, things had changed, and all the feelings she pushed down, pushed away because she knew their happiness was important. they came bubbling up, the only thing circling her mind being drew torres, and what a lovely thought it was.

finding herself in his room, the air thick with several emotions, each more unknown than the last. but it felt okay, felt right to be there with him. suddenly realizing how much she needed him, he made the little things important. he knew her little quirks and habits, if there was a dog he had to point it out if she hadnt seen it already, so she could go pet it, and he became her photographer for it. he knew her coffee order like it was nothing, if they went out to eat he knew her order, knowing to get the tomatos out of all burgers or salads. he paid attention to the details, and it made lia feel cared for. by someone in her life, for something other than her body or connections. Shifting closer to the male, her hand wrapping around his,"Youve always been an idiot," she joked, shaking her head lightly, before resting it on his shoulder, "Youre great for me Drew, why cant you understand that?" She spoke softly, lifting her head as she turned to face him. Meeting his gaze, her thumb softly rubbing circles on the back of his hand as he spoke.

She listened as he spoke, letting him get out what he needed to. But she also didnt know what to say, she hadnt expected the words that had fallen from his lips. "Im sorry you had to find out the way you did, I cant even begin to imagine how that feels. Nor will I pretend to know how youre feeling right now," She spoke, knowing that would never be enough for him to hear. shuffling herself closer, wrapping herself around him in a hug. "But with that being said," She began, taking a deep breath, "Im sorry that she choose drugs over an amazing man with a heart of gold. Someone who looks for the best in people, and just wants to grow and become better. I know you dont see it, you see the bad. But god Drew, there is so much good," She spoke, glancing up to meet his gaze as she spoke. "Its her fault for choosing not to be a part of your life, her fault for choosing the substances over you. You can not put any blame on yourself baby, none of it is your fault," She spoke, not sure if he had even felt that way, but it felt right to say.

drew knew that this situation wasn’t the best, him having dated her cousin only a year earlier. had fallen in love quickly amongst the many late nights staying up on the phone, the many days spent either hanging with their larger group of friends or interesting dates, and getting to know each other’s each and every detail. it was unbelievable to think that just a few months ago, drew was venting to lia about tori’s all but expected disappearing act. they quickly become closer than they had when tori was present, drew often hanging out with lia when his thoughts became too much. and in those moments, although he hadn’t really noticed it, he stared to pick up on her details. not really giving it a second thought, he placed her on the same shelf that vanessa and becky were on, chalking her up as another best friend. now that things had drastically changed between them, he indeed knew it was messy to be romantically involved with both cousins, even more so them being as close as they are, and degrassi would have a field day when they catch wind of what’s been going on behind closed doors. but he can’t find himself to care, at least not enough to fully walk away. to put an end to whatever it is that they have going on, and tell her it couldn’t go any further, hoping things could go back to how they were. she’d been his rock all along. loyal and sweet and always there for him, wanting nothing in return but his company.

he grins at her remark, knowing that in a sense, she’s never really viewed him as an idiot, at least not the way he’s been labeled his whole life. finds solace under her touch. he shakes her head at her words, although some part of him wants to believe her. to believe that he’d do anybody good. but god, he ruins everything he touches. “because i’m not, lia,” he remarks, “i'm not as smart as the other guys. i mess up. i always say or do the wrong thing. you’re better off”

he finishes, holds his emotions in as well as he can, has already told himself that he wouldn’t drop another tear. and he draws a breath, and allows her to comfort him. doesn’t shy away or tell her that she’s wrong, just leans into her embrace, and lets her words sink in, having already shown her his vulnerability. can’t help the pull at his heart strings as she talks further, silently wondering what it was he'd done to get someone like her in his life. many girls have talked drew up, seeing only his features — sharp cheekbones, electric blue eyes, handsome face, and the rebellious personality to match. nothing any of them have ever said has effected him in the way she had right now, only speaking with raw emotion, her eyes telling it all. he cups her right cheek, slowly leaning in and giving her a kiss full of passion, not even attempting to slip his tongue in, more concerned with her getting a feel for the emotions he has stored for her. pulling away, he removes his hand. “thank you,” he smiles, weakly, but still there. “for everything. you’re seriously amazing,” he compliments. his mind going back to her initial statement, recalling the faint urgency in her voice as she pulled away from the first kiss he brought upon her lips. knows when something’s bothering her and is intrigued on what it is she has to tell him. “now, what did you need to tell me?” curiosity shining in blue hues.

it seemed like the world had been moving in fast forward the past couple of months, between the closest females in her life both leaving and coming back, her connection to both luke and drew growing over the course of them. while Luke would always hold a part of Lias heart, since they spent day in and day out with one another, drew captivated her. she just wanted to know if he was ok, that he felt cared for and wanted, chalking it up to being a good friend. But she also found herself wanting to just spend time with Drew, even if they were sat in silence, his presence was enough to make the dark seem light in her insane life. And maybe she knew there was always a thought in the back of her mind, the idea of something more. And if you were to tell her this time last year, that she'd find herself wrapped around Drew Torres  going to tell him she was pregnant, she'd label you as crazy.

She rolled her eyes at his words, "Im not as smart as the other girls, i tend to become a bitch if I dont get my way, i use money as a means of happiness when its not. My list could go on and on drew," She spoke, "We all have our issues, our flaws that we look in the mirror and point out. Or say to ourselves with that little voice. And I will be here to show you how amazing you are when it gets to loud," A smile sent his way, "I couldnt begin to imagine life without you Torres, so please dont try and leave it,"

his touch felt gentle on her skin, different than the other moments between them. this was something different, there was something laced in the kiss between both parties. but she still found herself sinking into it, feeling on top of the world at the feeling she got. something telling her everything would be ok. "I wouldnt say amazing, but ill always be here," A small shrug, before her eyes trained to a spot on the floor. Slowly unraveling herself from Drew, as she thought of what to say. Partially because through Drew unloading his story, she had semi forgotten why she had came there in the first place. How do you tell someone youre pregnant? Let alone the last person you ever thought would be in the position with you, and had just informed you of his own family problems, that he didnt need added to. Her fingers pulling and spinning the ring sat on her hand, her gaze unwavering from the pile of clothes sat on his floor. "Um," she began lightly, "I wasnt feeling all that well, and I had realized I missed my period," her fidgeting becoming faster as her mind worked over the words. Admitting them to Vanessa was different, vastly different than telling Drew. She glanced up briefly meeting his eyes before her gaze fell back to the floor, "So I headed to the little corner store from my place," A deep breath as she quietly, almost silently spoke, "The test came back positive drew,"

it was no secret that ever since he stepped foot, or wheel rather, back in toronto, his mind couldn’t find anything good to focus on. in the span of one night, he’d uncovered the reason his mother had left, uncovered that she had given up both her children, that he had a sister he’s never known about that was fifteen years old, adopted, and didn’t have a clue about her dysfunctional family, and the fact that he’d never receive the closure he’d been needing for so long. only having the words of her former boyfriend to go by. he hadn’t really expected to talk about it with anyone, forcing it down, and having the mindset of just going numb, avoiding the thoughts at all costs. and yet, found himself venting to lia the first chance he gets. something about her had always been so comforting, so understanding, and drew doesn’t think he could have felt better about opening up to anyone else. another part of him wanting her to know that she’s the only girl he’s been with sexually for weeks, hell, he hasn’t even been entertaining other girls, unread messages from his usual conquests building up in his phone.

as he hears her start to list her flaws, he frowns a bit, knowing that she’s only doing it because he had, to prove a point. but he can't help but hope she gives herself a little more credit than that. “i happen to think you’re perfect,” he comments, letting her continue, until there’s a bright smile on his face. realizing that in all of this mess, all of the bad thoughts, and words he hadn’t meant, and just attempting to dodge her in general had hurt her. the expression of pure sadness that flashed across her face when he pushed her away at the party, the smack she’d given him at school, he’d been stupid to think that it would last long, stupid to have ever started it. “i’m sorry,” he gets out, “for acting like an ass and pushing you away, you deserve better than that, and i want you in my life too” he gives her a charming smile, although his eyes shine with honesty.

this would be the fifth time he had been rendered speechless. the anticipation of what would end up leaving her lips, what happened to be so important that she’d made her way here in the middle of the night, a quarter to midnight. with it being so late, he feels she should just stay the night. audra had the day off tomorrow, and with his luck, she slept in till the afternoon, giving the two enough time to come up with the story that she’d come over earlier in the morning if she was still here by then. as lia moves away, drew can’t help the furrow of his eyebrows, and the assumption that whatever it was she’d say wouldn’t be something small. takes note of her timid actions, the way she doesn’t meet his eyes as she talks. and then the words ‘missed period’ sets an alarm off in his head. his eyes widening, along with the beat of his heart, as she continues. stops himself from asking ‘and?’ allowing her to go at his own pace. and his mind flashes back to that night, the rush of it all, the sensual touches, heavy breathing, and the lack of condom, as he spread her legs and lined himself up. too eager to feel all of her, he hadn’t even given it a second thought. and suddenly she’s saying the words he anticipated, and even though he had a feeling where this was going, it still catches him completely off guard. “i–” he starts, doesn’t finish, runs a hand through his hair, as he processes all of the information. “woah,” he breathes out, the words repeating in his mind over and over on a loop. meeting her eyes, he glances over her, can’t stop his eyes from trailing over her stomach. “it��it’s okay, are you okay? do you need some water, or some ice cream? cause i can run to the store,” he's rambling a mile a minute, still in partial shock.

Everything was easier with Drew around, she didnt have to act a certain way or put up any defensive barriers. she had never been one to open up to a lot of people and tell them her thoughts and feelings. let alone on a consistent basis if she did, choosing to pretend that everything was find and that she didnt have any. but with drew she would just talk about things, whatever came to mind she would share with him. knowing he would listen, maybe make a stupid comment, but hed listen. that was what she needed for so long, just someone to listen to her and show her she was cared for. that was part of what Drew did for her, made the dark seem a little lighter. she had felt herself pulling from the other guys in her life, even Luke who she had finally got where she thought she wanted him. but she found herself wanting drew, in more ways than one. but she didnt know how to articulate that to him, to explain what she wanted from whatever it was they had been doing.

"Perfect may be a bit of a stretch," she chuckled, "But go on," She teased, a matching smile coming to her face. she hated admitting her weaknesses, and when she couldnt hide her emotions from Drew at the party it was like a part of her exterior cracked. the walls she had formed between the two had been broken, and she realized she was back in love with him, or the idea of him for now. she didnt like the idea of a life without him in it, and hated feeling like she was disposable from his life. She didnt enjoy slapping him at school, but the petty bitch in her had taken over, and she was putting the walls back up piece by piece. hoping it wouldve helped her feel better, to work through what was happening, but it didnt. "I dont know why you did it, but Im sure you had your reasons," She shrugged, "But dont think Im gonna let it fly again. You are stuck with me Torres, learn to deal with it," She spoke, a smile spreading across her features as she sent a wink his way.

She didnt know how he would react, expecting anger, or confusion. maybe some accusations or denial. she wasnt positive if they had used a condom or not, she didnt remember seeing a single wrapper around the hotel room. and she sure hadnt brought any on their spontaneous trip, and she didnt think drew had either. when she saw the word pregnant on the stick, her world shifted. but she could remember the night clear as day, every touch, every breath, every word, and even the moment she felt him skin to skin in the most intimate way. she was nervous for his reaction, glancing at him with watchful eyes as he processed it. her hand running through her hair with a sigh, waiting for him to say something, put her at ease somehow. but she didnt expect him to ask her about food, her brows scrunching together as she looked up at him,"I...why would I want food? its damn near midnight?" She spoke, shaking her head, "Im like a couple weeks at best, there is no way im out here craving ice cream already dumbass," She spoke with an eye roll, a teasing tone on her voice however, as a smile played at her lips. "But thank you, the effort is appreciated and not unnoticed,"

it wasn’t difficult to see that drew had a lot on his plate, his eyes didn’t have that same spark it always had, he hadn’t been able to focus in his classes despite the fact that clare was definitely a huge help and he’d been showing improvement the week before. every time he closed his eyes, he seen rocky’s face, his cheeks upwards in glee, his heartwarming giggle, the way his face lit up when he would bring him some toys or pizza. and now, it had only gotten worse, and he would see his mother’s grave as well. the white roses he’d laid before her tombstone, as he said both hello and goodbye the only chance he was given. it also wasn’t hard to see that being around lia in their small moments had managed to do him some good. finding himself forming a warm smile, or chuckling at one of her jokes, taking him out of the dark he’d lately gotten used to. it wasn’t unusual, them being friends for years, and drew finding it very easy to unwind around her. but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about them in a romantic dynamic, and he'd be lying even more if he said he didn’t consider it, taking their friendship to the next level, giving them a try to see where it leads, despite the backlash he knows he’ll receive for dating both cousins who consider the other as a best friend, the same cousin he assumes is soundly asleep in the guest room four doors down. but they’ve gone too far in to stop now, the way he sees it, it makes more sense to go for it, even if right now isn’t exactly the best time. perhaps he’ll wait, doesn’t want to have to hide around the beginning of their relationship if they do decide to make something out of it, wait until all of the chaos simmers down, before he makes any big decisions. and yet, he can't stop the part of him that yearns to kiss her whenever she’s nearby and the scent of her perfume clouds his thoughts.

“it definitely isn’t,” he counters, can’t help how easy it is to play along with her words. and he’s only now noticing that she doesn’t have to try too hard when the roles are reversed either. he accepts her request, eyes locked on hers. “you're gorgeous, and you're smart whether it’s street or book wise, you always go out of your way to help your friends, you’re fun as hell, and i haven't been able to get you out of my mind the past few days.” the surprise on his face is evident, not meaning to actually voice the last part, but it’s too late to take it back now. he had always found lia attractive, and now that he thought back, he never considered her a sister figure like he had with maya or vanessa. finds it ironic that a year ago, he was lifting her chin up to remind her how great she was, and to not forget it, had a boy she was interested in not felt the same way back. now he was lifting her chin to place his lips on hers. oh, how the times have changed. bites his lower lip, doesn’t want to repeat his reasons, knows that it’s no good now, since he can’t seem to let go. “what, are you gonna smack me again? cause that was kind of hot” he smirks, sending her the wink right back.

he's not certain if there’s a set reaction for this, a right or wrong. he does however know that his lack of words isn’t exactly comforting, and when he does manage to find words, he’s not exactly proud of them either.  but god, he’s trying his best. hadn’t really expected to have this conversation, but isn't at all making it out to be negative, despite their mess of a situation. he’s not even thinking of it long term, his mind trying to grasp it fully, but he's got too many thoughts, making it difficult to focus on one. he mentally face palms, as his right hand goes to scratch the back of his neck nervously. “yeah, that was pretty dumb, wasn’t it?” he asks, evidently embarrassed. he lets out a breath, taking her hand in his, and making sure he has her full attention. “but it’s gonna be okay, i’m here for you…always.” he reassures, “i’ll take care of you and the baby, whatever you decide.” he kisses her cheek, bringing her onto his lap. “stay with me here tonight?” he pleads, as his hand hesitantly hovers over her stomach, his mind trying to imagine a human growing inside. “and we can set up a doctor’s appointment one of these upcoming days. it’s going to be alright, baby. it’s all going to be okay.” he repeats, kissing against her hair. he's not sure if he believes it himself, but he can only imagine how she feels and he'd be damned if he wasn’t going to try his best to make her feel at ease.

For as long as she could remember, Lia had problems expressing her feelings to others, even if they were good ones. Her parents would always brush her off or give her a, that’s wonderful sweetie, even when she was a toddler, crying in the doorway, her stuffed dolphin held firmly in her grasp. If she went to her siblings, they werent accepting of her feelings, her being the youngest she didnt have nearly as much to deal with. That she was a kid and they wouldnt last, over within ten minutes. But that all stuck with Lia as she got older, forming her connections in the world. Tori being the main person she could find herself getting lost in conversation with, going over all the details on certain topics. And then Drew came into her life, and she had another person to talk to, someone that made it easy to talk to. But anyone with two eyes could see how easily the two souls fit together, how simple it was for the two to just exist. Lia had known from a young age she thought of Drew as more of a friend. She remembered distinctly the day she realized she saw him differently, as someone she could see herself with romantically. It had been a rough day for her at her house, a fight with her parents having broken out once again, and Lia needed out. A text to Drew was sent, and within seconds he replied and they agreed to meet at the park. It was midnight. She had never experienced someone caring enough to risk their own ass just to make sure she was ok, and they were barely friends then. But it solidified Drew into her heart, and the feelings she once held were back in full force. But she wasnt gonna ruin what they had, she wasnt gonna let herself ruin the one good thing going for her, even if it wasnt entirely what she wanted. But the part of her that wanted nothing more than to be held and kissed by Drew was thriving, and loved every second of their life. She was scared for the future, with her feelings, but she was prepared to let Drew have them if he wanted them.

A shy smile broke across her face, his eyes filled with such honesty she couldnt help the blush that was rising to her face at his words. Her eyes widening slightly at the end of his statement, taking in the look of shock on his face, but his eyes still held with honestly, and a little something else that she couldnt place. “That makes two of us,” She spoke softly, biting her lip. “You remember that guy I was complaining about breaking my heart last year?” She questioned, her heart skipping a beat as she spoke. A surge of confidence flowing through her, even if for a brief moment she let herself believe that he felt the same. Smiling into the soft kiss he gave her, her hand resting on his leg. Simply needing to just touch him. “Well if someone didnt try and do stupid shit maybe I wouldnt have to,” She chuckled, “Glad to know Im hot when im angry,” a small shrug with a smirk on her lips.

She let him go at his own pace, contemplating just laying down while she waited, but decided against that. She knew he was trying, and that was all she could ask. The thoughts going through her head were impossible to process, she couldnt imagine being the one to have gotten the girl pregnant. “It wasnt dumb,” she spoke with a small head shake, “Its cute,” A small smile on her face, her eyes glancing at their hands before looking at him. Her eyes tearing up at his words, never having heard them with such sincerity before. Allowing herself to be brought into Drews lap, breathing in his scent, her body instantly relaxing into his. Realizing just how tired she was, having barely slept for the past week. Between worrying about Drew and her fight with Tori, and now this pregnancy. She needed a good nights rest. “I know you will baby,” A whisper as she kissed the base of his neck softly, “I want nothing more than to wake up in your arms tomorrow,” her sleep deprived brain not even processing her words. Her eyes glancing down to his hand. Softly pressing it against her stomach, her hand resting against his as her eyes futtered shut. Listening to him speak, and nodding along softly with his words, “Youre here,” She spoke, “You didnt push me away, or yell at me. Or accuse me of anything. Thats more than enough for me,”

he recalls his first time seeing her, the memory still being so vivid, despite the years that have passed by. she was degrassi’s new student and from what he heard, she was turning heads and had most of the student body doing double takes. he'd seen her in the midst of meeting the coach to talk about his slip up in grades, knowing that he would be able to persuade him easily since his latest grade point average weren’t too much lower than the required minimum. and when he finally spotted her in the hallways, he’d understood what all the fuss was about. he hadn’t been the type to stare, at least not too noticeably, but he just couldn’t look away. she was pretty, gorgeous even, and the outfit she was wearing only made her all the more alluring. the skirt she had on wasn't too short, but he remembers trailing up and down her legs. remembers that he had to turn himself away, had to remind himself what he even was walking this way for, having lost all train of thought. and by lunch time, he’d spotted her out of the crowd with a quickness. dallas settling down, tray in hand, following his gaze. remembers his eyes scrunching up in confusion when dallas tells him to not waste his time. and minutes later, it all makes sense when tori and vanessa come to the table, new girl following behind, and tori introduces everyone to her cousin who’d just transferred. he recalls the visible shock that seeps past his face, before he smiles, greets her, invites her to their table for the long run, and pulls tori into his lap, pecking her on the cheek. by the end of the week, they'd all made friends with the girl, and it was as if she’d been apart of the group all along. no signs of awkwardness or hesitation among the group. drew pushing the two second interest and attraction he'd developed for her to the back of his mind, until it was completely gone. and now he wonders, if it ever really left, or if he knew to just not act on them.

that makes two of us. doesn’t stop the smile that stretches across his face, the breath that emits out in relief. he’d only had a half theory that she reciprocated the feelings, but now that he knows he hadn’t been in the wrong whenever the thought of her passed his mind, he’s not so doubtful anymore about asking her to be his girlfriend. yet, he still doesn’t think tonight's the best time, not when there’s so much to process. his eyebrows furrow a bit, “yeah? the idiot who couldn’t see what was right in front of him? what about him?” he questions, eyes looking intently into hers, before he smirks along with her. “oh, hot doesn’t even begin to describe it. you’re sexy when you’re angry” he chuckles softly, not wanting any of the household’s other occupants to hear him.

he knows that everything has changed tonight, just like it had the night they’d let themselves act on their feelings, cross faded no doubt, but cross faded on each other. every touch from the other, feeling like another shot or another hit of the blunt. he smiles at her, reveling in the fact that she didn’t think he was the idiot he was convinced he was. she’d never thought he was dumb, in fact, or at least she never mentioned it. it was the small things like that he appreciated the most about her. the reason he’d always come running whenever she needed. “you’re cute,” he counters, as she settles in his lap, and he feels at ease. resting his head on hers, something about the way they just fit, making him fill with warmth. everything between them right now felt so gentle, filled with emotions instead of their usual sensual touches, hot and needy, and still he feels the fire, albeit a different kind, under his skin as she kisses him softly on the neck. and when she grabs his hand, and leads it to her stomach, laying hers atop, he knows they can get through this together. knows that he wants to try. “of course i’m here, you’re,” he corrects himself, “the both of you are all i need right now” and maybe he’s tired, exhausted even, but he can’t help the smile that spreads at the thought of a little family. he stands, holding her up, and gently laying her down on the bed. “let me get you something to wear so you can be comfortable, and i can put on netflix,” he says, as he makes his way to one of the drawers, getting one of his long t-shirts he knows will cover most of her body, and smiles at the thought. he doesn’t really plan on watching the movie or show, more-so planning on it being background sound while they cuddle. he turns the light off, before making his way back to the bed, and handing her the remote, letting her choose.

she remembers all the distinct moments in their relationship. The first look, their first time talking, the first time she called him because she just wanted to talk, and the list goes on. he made an impression on her, the first time she walked the halls of degrassi. She had just transferred to the school, asking her parents after her assault, begging to be closer to her cousin. she needed to get away from the places and people she had surrounded herself with. finally making the move, she was excited, ready to meet new people and create a new name for herself. walking in, her heels clicking on the tiles as she walked, a small smirk on her face as she saw the looks she received. always relishing in the attention she received, even if it wasnt good attention. she spotted drew before he had spotted her, spotting him as she came around the corner. standing by his locker with who she'd later learn were Dallas, Luke, and Dave. A wide smile on his face as he threw his head back in laughter. she remembered finding his smile beautiful, one of the ones you just always wanted to seen plastered on their face. but she didnt learn his name, didnt approach the group. instead continued watching from afar as she went to her locker, a smirk on her face when she saw drew watching her, the way he had to pause to think about his actions. and she certainly remembered the small twinge of jealousy she felt when she watched him pull her cousin on his lap when she had finally learned his name. but they clicked, she meshed with the whole group, creating a close bond with all of them. Drew being a stronger one than the others, and her feelings growing as the days went on. until she was informed he had asked Tori out, and she felt her heart break, but had no right. neither party knew of her feelings for the boy, and she had to watch as they fell in love, a part of her kicking herself for never saying anything.

A matching smile spreads across her face, a sense of relaxation washing over her. He felt the same, she knew that by the smile. Where it was gonna go from there she wasnt sure, she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be his, to be able to call him hers, and she hoped that was what he wanted at the end of this. Even if not right now, at least when they were both ready, or felt ready to go public given the backlash they were already facing. But her head couldnt stop swarming with the idea of being with Drew, in all aspects of life, and the smile kept growing. Before chuckling lightly, raising a brow at the raven haired boy across from her, “The idiot had fallen for my cousin,” She spoke, biting her lip softly, “But he was a sweetheart about the situation, not knowing who I was upset about, just being there for me anyway,” She shrugged, “Pretty cool guy,” Rolling her eyes playfully at his words, “Youd love to see me jealous then,”

in that moment, she knew that everything was okay. While everything changed, even more than they're cross faded escapade. it felt different, something washed over the both of them that night, and it wasnt going away anytime soon. while they're usual antics were rushed, and sexual. a fire in them both, just from a look. and her body still felt on fire, but it was different. she felt loved, safe, and secure. something she had never felt before, it was new for her, scary even. but Drew made it all seem okay, made every little thing better.  it gave her a sense of comfort, knowing that at a single text or call Drew would be there. in whatever shape or form he could fathom, she knew he would be. "we're both cute," she spoke with a small giggle, almost like she was a little kid with her crush again. a soft smile at his words, "the both of us," she repeated, feeling them fall off her tongue. the words still felt foreign. but it felt right in a way, being there with Drew, and talking about it. about a family, even if its not right now, she knew a family with Drew was in her future, somehow someway, she just felt it. she allows herself to be placed on the bed, a smile as she watches him before she slips from her track suit. immediately slipping the shirt over her head, slipping under the blanket, curling up into it. taking the remote and putting on shameless, more so for background noise, and if she did want to pay attention she wouldn't be lost. turning back towards Drew, a small smile on her face as she curled into him. her head on his chest, one of her legs stretching over his own. "thank you for being so great. I dont know what I did to deserve you, but I'm forever grateful."

there were evident bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d gotten the past few nights. too much tossing and turning and contemplating the new information he’d gotten out of the tragic loss. was he even able to cry? to miss a touch that he couldn’t place. was it selfish? to mourn someone you didn’t really know. to mourn a loss you didn’t really take. at least, not in the way others had. he’d spent many a night turning on netflix, hoping to get some type of distraction, only for the appeal to fade, and the gears in his head would be at work again. he turned to weed, opening the window and spraying a huge amount of cologne, hoping the smell hadn’t left his room, and even then, it only made him think of it more. the thoughts never leaving, and he knows if he knew now would he hadn’t then, he would of stayed home and saved himself the heartache. he even thought to reach out to the other teenagers in the house, but decided against it, talking about it, made it real and he couldn’t relive it. couldn’t get through all of the details, scared that once he started, he’d never stop. there's a part of him that knows him telling her what he had, wasn’t enough to ease the pain, and he was still very much holding it all in, the pain will eventually build up, and drew will have no choice but to let it consume him. it’s inevitable. but she was here, and he was laughing and smiling, and that was as much as a fix he could ask for tonight.

he recalls the upset look on her face, having come to pick her up from her parent’s house, at an hour that audra would definitely not have been happy with, but he’d heard the tone of her voice, and it took all of three minutes to slip on a jacket, grab his car keys, and head out to the car. he remembers taking her to the park, him finding any way he could to make her laugh, as they sat on the swings, him giving her a push every now and again. and as the wind picked up, and it got later, he finally asked her what was bothering her, despite it being on his mind the whole time. remembers holding her hands in his face, telling her to never cry over a boy, especially not one who was dumb enough to let her pass by, his voice comforting and friendly, as he tells her all of her good qualities and that anyone who didn't see that wasn’t worth it. now that he was back in the room, and she'd said what she had, he was slowly connecting the dots. ”it was me?” his eyes widen only a little, as he thinks back to all of the times it'd just been the three of them hanging out, the others having something to do. and suddenly, he feels like the world’s biggest idiot. feels bad about all of the times they’ve kissed or hugged or any form of affection in front of her. but there’s a hint of happiness there too, and he knows it’s wrong, but their situation isn’t exactly the most innocent anyways. “it was me,” he repeats, more of a statement this time, before he surges forward and pulls her into a passionate kiss, pulling back breathless. “aw damn, guess i’ll never get to see it, since you’re the only girl i’ve got my eyes on” lips curling into a smile.

“damn right,” drew smirks, “just imagine how cute our kid will be,” he jokes. it's all still new to him, but he's processing it, albeit only being told mere minutes ago. he knows they’ll be eighteen around the corner, and even though legally they were to be adults, everyone would still deem it irresponsible. and audra, he didn’t even want to imagine her reaction. but things weren’t all bad, perhaps he’s looking through rose colored glasses, but despite the bad timing, he could see the upsides. the football that was supposed to be rocky's sitting atop his dresser, and he feels hope, hope that if he has a son, or a daughter, he’s not picky, that they can share a bond just as strong. that he won’t be a failure of a parent. perhaps this baby will turn his whole life around, motivate him to become a better man. and as they lay against the sheets, him having slipped in beside her, so that he was on the outside, her closer to the wall, his arm drapes around her, as he chuckles at the intro of the show, only having seen a couple episodes, because she'd wanted to watch it. he slips his fingers through her locks, hoping that it’s relaxing her. “shh, there’s no one else i’d rather be with” he answers simply, “now get some sleep baby”

"it was you," she confirmed with a small nod, a soft smile playing her lips as she watched Drews face. The look of shock, then confusion, the brief flash of guilt that made her brows scrunch for a moment before a small giggle as she kissed him back. holding both sides of his face, a wide grin on her face and her eyes shining with nothing but love for the man sat before her. "our kid will be the cutest," she spoke, pushing all the negative thoughts out of her mind. her families reaction, the doctors appointments, the perception people would have on them as teen parents, all of it being shoved away as she found herself enamored with Drew. her body melting into his as her eyes closed, a soft kiss placed to his chest before she fell asleep, nothing but joy sitting on her mind for once.

the next morning

Dallas stood in the kitchen, waiting for the cheese to melt over the egg before moving it to the toast he had ready. Laughing along with what Adam was saying, both having already devoured two sandwiches before the third brother even awoke. "Im telling you his bitch ass has a hangover. Ill bet money on that shit," He spoke with a chuckle, placing the egg on the bread. "Imma go wake his ass up, and he better be grateful for this shit," Shaking his head, making sure to turn the stove off before leaving the kitchen. Plate in hand as he roamed the halls of the Torres' home humming softly to himself before he found himself in front of Drews door. Laying a small knock on the door before twisting the knob, his eyes widening at the sight of limbs wrapped around one another. Not getting a glance at the females face before he grabbed the football off the dresser, making sure to only hit Drew as he sent it towards the pair. "Yo Torres," He hissed out.

it wasn’t long before the brunette too fell asleep, albeit it was only after she had. wanting to make sure that she was fully at ease, her mind not swirling with thoughts, keeping her awake as he lay beside her, hands still at play in her hair. and when he finally relaxes, turns the tv off with the remote, the room now completely dark, he closes his eyes and lets slumber overtake him. 

and just like he expected, it’s one of the best rests he’s managed this past week. can’t recall when exactly it was that he'd fallen asleep, but he smiles when he wakes up, the sight of lia on his chest, her still asleep, and him still half asleep. he pulls her closer, before closing his eyes once more and easily drifting back to sleep. eyes shoot open quickly when he feels the sudden contact, mind not registering until he’s already sitting up in bed. and when he looks over to see a confused dallas with a plate of food in his hand, he sighs in relief. knows he has to explain, but finds this to be a breeze, rather than if omar or audra had walked in and seen them. ”long story, but i’ll definitely explain later” he breathes out, as he stands, only to walk towards dallas and take the plate that’s evidently for him. “thanks,” he looks over to lia, who stirred a bit in her sleep, and then back to dallas, “now, how fucked am i?

[nicolemagolan]

Two Cities, One Galaxy: How Star Wars Connects And Divides Us

Early in 2019, I wrote a personal essay about Star Wars. It centered around SWCC (Star Wars Celebration Chicago) and my experience of watching the live stream in my living room at 4am, when the episode IX teaser and title was unveiled. 

It’s about fandom, the internet, and isolation. It’s about how Star Wars impacted my life, and about my relationship with my brother.

It also, eerily, foreshadows the disappointment I would eventually feel about The Rise of Skywalker. So here it is, under the cut. Please give it a read, and let me know your thoughts!

***

My phone blinks 3:30am, April 13th, 2019. In Chicago it’s 10:30am, yesterday. I should be asleep. I should stay present in Auckland, where no one else is awake except the moths gathering on the kitchen window.

My brother is slumped beside me, eyes closed, lost somewhere between sleep and boredom. We sit in the darkness of our living room, outlined by the grey glaze of the television. I’m wearing pyjama pants and yesterday’s T-shirt. An empty bag of chips is screwed up on the carpet, a half-drunk can of Lift Plus sits on the mantelpiece.

I stare at the TV. Waiting. My knee bobs up and down. I glance at my phone, and refresh Twitter. The tweets are coming in a blur: people yelling in caps lock, streaming without punctuation, some of it indecipherable, some of it from me. It’s happening kids / MERRY IXMAS, EVERYONE / I'm trying to remember it's called Star Wars Celebration not Star Wars oh my god I'm so stressed-ebration / I AM READY TO BE EPISODE IXed. The world around me is asleep, but the world under my thumb has never been more alive.

I take another sip of Lift Plus and feel its energy tingle through my bloodstream. Or maybe that sensation is the force.

When I was in class earlier in the day, wearing a Star Wars tee, writing in a Star Wars notebook and drinking from a Star Wars bottle, I was already stewing in anticipation. My mind was in another galaxy; speculation ran through me like shooting stars. My dedication to the Star Wars universe is fuelled not by the incessant marketing or the cheap merchandise, but by the passion I have for stories, space wizards, and the cute-yet-creepy alien bird race known as the Porgs.

 Star Wars Celebration Chicago is set to begin livestreaming on YouTube in just a few minutes. A countdown slowly ticks on screen. This will be the first big panel of Celebration, and the one I am most eager to see. The panel is for Star Wars: Episode IX, consisting of a Q&A session with cast members. Our first real, palpable look at the film, at beloved returning characters, and the new additions, to hear from returning Director J.J. Abrams what his vision for IX is.

But the real reason anyone is staying up all night to watch the livestream isn’t to see Abrams dodge spoilery questions. It’s to be amongst the first to witness the Episode IX trailer. The very first teaser trailer. Imagine a choir singing angelic sounds behind that one word and maybe you’ll begin to understand. What I really want is to catch a glimpse of the upcoming film, to learn the title—oh my goodness, the title—along with thousands of far, far away fans; some watching live in the dead of night or crack of dawn. The lucky few are crowded into the panel room itself. I swipe through pixelated and blurry selfies posted with #SWCC. It’s a big auditorium, packed with media, families, and cosplayers, and many are swinging lightsabers above the crowd’s heads. Purple, blue, green, and red beams of light. The stage itself is lit up with a bright blue backdrop.

 When I told my parents I was going to camp out in the living room to watch the livestream of Star Wars Celebration, they rolled their eyes. When I asked my brother if he wanted to join me, he cried, ‘Whyyy,’ before revealing his true colours when he showed up on the couch at 2am.

He was all too keen to eat my snacks, but now as time crawls forward, he seems to have come to the conclusion that it is ridiculous to stay up for something you can watch on your phone, from your bed, when you wake up. I have come to the conclusion that he is lying to himself. On the path to the dark side, perhaps.

He’s always joined me on my silly adventures, making fun of me along the way. But the fact that he’s willing to be there is enough, as he is now. Star Wars has been a part of his life as much as mine; we grew up roaring Chewbacca impressions and fighting with cardboard lightsabers; He’d be Darth Maul and I’d be Obi-Wan (so I got to chop him in half every time). Kids would tell me I was a weirdo for liking Star Wars, for playing with Barbies and Darth Vader figurines, blurring the lines between allocated girls’ or boys’ toys. But my brother and I knew: Star Wars is a fun space adventure for whoever wants to enjoy it.

We got older and the movies lost a touch of their magic: the internet revealed the intense hatred shovelled at the prequel trilogy. Little-me had loved the ridiculous Jar Jar Binks, but the middle-aged fans who grew up with the original trilogy saw him as an offence to their childhood obsession. (JUSTICE FOR JAR JAR is the hill I will die on.)

Then Disney bought Lucasfilm and ushered in a new era. I have a series of selfies from midnight premieres—me grinning from ear to ear, my brother with eyes closed and discontented frown (his go-to photo pose)—in the blurry light of the Imax screen on Queen Street. But one glance at his smiling face during the film and you know he loves this galaxy as much as the next fan.

Sometimes that’s the problem: our love for this story is so great and so ingrained, that it can bubble over into endless online debates. Debates become heated, become personal, become hateful. In this era of social media, everyone has a voice, but the ones who spit poison are the loudest. We struggle to find common ground sometimes. But it’s always there, beneath out feet and on our TV screens. We love Star Wars. We love to watch it, re-enact it, dissect it, wear it, read it, and write about it. Whether the common ground we stand on looks like the sands of Tatooine or the lake country of Naboo, it’s all the same galaxy. Even though the galaxy-shattering film The Last Jedi threatened to destroy us, we can find a way to stand together. Because when the fans unite, at movie premieres, or conventions, the fandom can become something worth celebrating.

Like today, right now, 3:59am in my living room.

I look up from my phone. The countdown reaches zero. I hold my breath. A soft echo of music trickles through the speakers, and John Williams’ familiar score wraps around me like a blanket. Goose bumps pop up on my skin.

The Star Wars logo vanishes and the screen cuts to black. I snap up and nudge my sleeping brother’s arm with my toe. He jolts awake, looks at the black screen and scowls.

‘Nothing’s hap—’

He’s cut off by a roaring applause as the blue-lit panel stage lights up the screen. The room around me fades. I’m in Auckland with my brain fuzzy, and I’m transported to Chicago with heart thumping.

My brother jumps up and stands in front of the screen. ‘I’m going to the bathroom.’

I babble, ‘butthepanelisabouttostart,’ craning my neck around his legs.

‘Oh well,’ he says. He walks off.

Stephen Colbert is pacing around the stage, babbling on about Dagobah and S-foils, trying to work the crowd up—unnecessary, since we are all waiting for the cast and crew.

I’m leaning forward, straining my eyes, and wondering if anyone actually finds his ‘jokes’ funny. Twitter tells me, yes, they do. The excitement level is high, making everything fresh and exciting, even if it’s a Star Wars pun heard years ago. I almost feel like I could twist my neck and hear people whispering behind me, instead of tweeting alongside me.

 The closest thing to this feeling in my own city is Armageddon Expo, the annual convention at the ASB Showgrounds in Greenlane. Nerds I’ve never met become my best friends. We jam the halls like squashed-up skittles. I don’t know their names but I know who they are. When I’m dressed in Rey’s dusty scavenger outfit, with staff in hand and hair bunched in three bobbles, young girls point and giggle. I wave at them, their eyes wide with wonder, and my heart is full.

The internet fandom space is a mix of tweet-before-thinking garbage and fun bite-sized meta. The real-world fandom spaces, such as Armageddon, are a big geeky party; no one hiding behind an anonymous wall, and no one left out.

This livestream is somewhere in between. I am connected online from where I sit in Auckland. Reading tweets and writing tweets and liking gifs. Yet I am in Chicago, oblivious to the sleeping city around me.

Stephen Colbert brings out Director J.J. Abrams and head of Lucasfilm Kathleen Kennedy, and the content we’re all waiting for finally begins. I take in every detail, every non-answer. I enjoy it. I loathe it. Stephen Colbert asks unanswerable questions, like the fate of Daisy Ridley’s character, or how the relationships develop. No word is uttered more than ‘spoilers’.

The cast members are introduced onto the stage; first is Anthony Daniels who plays C-3PO—one of the remaining few original cast members from 1977. He waves hello to the crowd before looking for the cameras. In his charming British accent, he says, ‘On tweets today people were, all over the world, saying “wish I could be here”. And I know we’re on camera, so I don’t know where the camera is, but whoever is in Australia or…’ He pauses for a flicker of a second, ‘…all the other countries around the planet; I wanna give you a big wave, and you are here in spirit. Okay?’

I grin a little wider. Of course he would mention our neighbour, Australia. So close, and yet so far.

 In New Zealand, despite the growing connections through social media, I feel isolated. Even in the vast Auckland city, where I easily get lost in the busy roads and busy people. New Zealand is separate. And that’s part of what makes it special.

But the isolation is also part of what makes being part the Star Wars fandom special.

It’s a larger world. Out there in space; out there in the world wide web. Legendary or anonymous, you can be a part of something. You can tell your story; you can make one up. After movie premieres, there is a sense of privilege and power in that none of my fellow fans in America have yet seen the movie. The Last Jedi came here a few days early, and I knew all the things before anyone else. We were isolated again. And it felt so good.

Did I go and post spoilers? No, because I’m not an asshole (you know who you are). But I told people they’re gonna love it. I told them the film is exciting and unexpected and dabbles deliciously in subtext in a way that’s fresh for Star Wars. I sign off with eagerness for the upcoming dissection and discussion of the film.

 The next day I’m shocked to learn that many many many people felt it was a ‘betrayal’ of Star Wars. A disaster of a movie. A cluttered mess of a story, an anti-climactic sequel that instead of building on what came before, tore the past to shreds. My brother is one of them.

And the fandom split in two.

But not today. Not tonight. I refuse, and so does everyone on my Twitter feed, because we’re tired of defending Rey, who is not a Mary Sue; and Vice Admiral Holdo, whose purple hair does not make her a lesser fighter; and Rose Tico, who fell victim to dude-bros saying she’s the worst character ever, she ruined their childhood, and Asians don’t belong in Star Wars; until eventually the actress, Kelly Marie Tran, deleted all her social media.

When Kelly walks onto the panel stage, she gets a standing ovation. There are tears in her eyes, and there are tears in mine.

 They introduce the new cast members, and display behind the scenes photos, and babble on about the brilliant practical effects. There’s a touching tribute to Carrie Fisher, an awkward bit about Adam Driver’s chest, and the introduction of new droid D-O. When the duck-inspired droid rolls onto the stage, you can hear cash registers ring.

My brother comes back in the room as the panel is winding up. He flops into the chair and sighs. ‘So, did I miss anything?’

‘You missed everything.’

‘So I didn’t miss anything then,’ he smirks.

Stephen Colbert asks J.J. Abrams if there’s anything he wants to leave with the fans. I lean forward. ‘This is it,’ I screech.

This is it. It boils down to this simple, repeated moment in time: the day, or night, or very-early-morning that a Star Wars trailer is about to debut. I am alone, and yet so very not alone, united in a nerdy passion that doesn’t call for such depth of devotion. But here we all are. Here I am. And here’s Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (omg).

 I switch off the TV. The darkness eats my eyeballs.

‘How am I supposed to sleep after that!?’ I yell. ‘Palpatine. Freaking Pal-pa-tine! NO! YES! Why?!’

Silence.

My brother is asleep.

I throw a pillow at him. ‘DUDE! Palpatine is back!’

He mumbles, ‘Haha, lame.’ His eyes don’t open.

I slide down the couch until I hit the hard floor. The Rise of Skywalker. Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. I sit there in the lonely living room, and let my thoughts trail off into the dark.

[marylovettpostgradblog]

This week my research has taken me into a world of vintage audio tech forums and archives which I would never usually venture. Dipping a toe into psychoacoustics, mystical marketing, and unashamed 70s and 80s nostalgia. 

Fig 1: The Aphex Aural Exciter

In the mid 70’s the provocatively named Aphex Aural Exciter was developed to add clarity and top end sheen to recordings to tape that had become lifeless as a result of overdubbing. It’s conception by an accidental error leading to an understanding psychoacoustics. A small beginning shrouded in mystery that went on to be an industry standard.

In 1956 Curt Knoppel, discovered while building a stereo valve amplifier kit, one of the channels was not wired properly. He mixed the two sounds together and was surprised that it sounded better than the original. He found this so fascinating that he made time to investigate this over the next 20 years. In 1971 he read about Holography and wondered if the sound he had heard fifteen years previously, “might be to pure sound what holography is to pure light.” (Gershman M 1977) His research lead him into psychoacoustics. This is the study of how the brain processes sound. “The human brain was obviously an integral element in hearing sounds that can not be measured on oscilloscopes.” (Gershman M 1977)

Fig 2: Carl Knoppel

Knoppel’s research, development and financial investment resulted in the ability to recreate the illusive extra harmonic content that he heard by accident fifteen years previously. His discovery added sheen and sparkle to the mid and top end frequencies previously unobtainable when recording to tape. “The Aural Exciter worked by a combination of phase-shifting and adding high frequency harmonics, both very subtly applied.” (computer music 2019)

Fig 3: Simplified  block diagram of the Aphex Exciter from the owners manual.

Knoppel met business Partner Marvin Caesar and began “Aphex Systems LTD in March 1975.” (Gershman M 1977) Aphex systems received a pivotal break when the  The first model (402) was used in NBC-TV Midnight special broadcast. “It has been used on every broadcast since then.” (Gershman M 1977)

Fig 4: Marven Caesar

It could also be used in live sound. Marvin Caesar reflects on how this came about ‘Our first big break came with the Wings over America tour. Peter Asher  couldn't believe that the same piano now sounded so much better. He was pointed to the Aural Exciter.  Learning that the effect could be used on tape he rushed to the Sound Factory in Hollywood where they were finishing off a Linda Ronstadt album. They remastered the whole thing using the Aphex and crediting it on on the sleeve. Then things moved from there, first in America and then internationally.’(Caesar M ND)

Aphex Systems decided to rent the units to studio’s as they lacked finance to manufacture and patent protection. Whether by design or accident this contributed to the mystique. “The mysterious Aphex Aural Exciter, so ubiquitous in pop recordings” (High fidelity 1983) The cost to hire one was $30 per minute of recording time. “It was very interesting back in the day how much mystery there was surrounding the Aural Exciter, especially since we always credited it in the liner notes of the records: "This album was mixed using the Aphex Aural Exciter system.” (Garay V 2011) The genius of this business strategy was that this also provided free advertising, piquing the curiosity of audio engineers avidly pawing over sleeve notes and industry publications.

Fig 5: Letter page in Modern Recording Magazine

Fig 6 letter sent to Modern Recording Magazine

Integral to the hire agreement was that Aural exciter had to be mentioned on the album. “We were very undercapitalised to start with and the most we could do was scrape together enough money to build a few units and until we could obtain patent protection, we decided only to hire them out so that we could control happened to them. We sealed up the circuits and didn't tell anyone what was inside.” (Caesar M ND) Val Garay recording engineer used the unit on subsequent high profile releases. ‘Linda Ronstadt’s Hasten Down The Wind in 1976. Bonnie Raitt, James Taylor, Neil Diamond, Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons, Andrew Gold, Orleans.’  (Garay V 2011)

Fig 7 Val Garay and Martha Davis of the Motels. 1980

“After the huge success of the multi-Platinum, Grammy award-winning Linda Ronstadt album Simple Dreams, it became a recording industry standard.” (Garay V 2011) In 1980 Aphex Systems began manufacturing units for sale.

Fig 8 Studio Sound Magazine 1980

Thoughts and Musings

The Aural Exciter was originated by accident, it success a result of unrelenting curiosity, perseverance and serendipity. Curt Knoppel’s technical skill coupled with Marvin Caesar’s business acumen. Perhaps another one of those familiar stories from a bygone era when the industry seemed simpler and more lucrative. 

I have been considering the power of nostalgia and if this is something that informs the analogue officianardo. Some of whom vigorously insist its superiority.  Aphex Aural Exciter was used in TV and radio broadcast as well as in recording studios. Generations have heard music through this processor. So it was bound to played a part in the perceived notion of how things sound, psychoacoustically speaking.  (I never imagined I would ever say “psychoacoustically speaking” in a sentence!) Or is it all in the kHz, and do I actually really care?  

Fig 9 Trevor Horn pictured with the Aphex Aural Exciter in his studio rack

The Aphex Aural Exciter has certainly influenced the way we hear music. “By exclusively distorting this frequency band and mixing this new signal with the original, harmonic excitation provides a harmonically-related crispness that isn’t replicable with standard EQ methods.” (Brown G 2020) With the current trend for analogue sound the Aural exciter exists as a plug in. What I find so interesting is the way the brain can “hear “ harmonics when the fundamental is not present. Comparable to reading, we don’t read each letter but decode the word by anticipating what is next and understanding the context. “We are continuously anticipating what we will see, hear or feel next.”(Muckli L 2011) I have been surprised by the sheer amount of information and the genuine affection that is expressed in the curated archives that I have come across during research. It was particularly pleasing to discover the yellowing vintage magazines with the 70’s and 80’s styling in both type set and photography. Personally this builds on an increasing appreciation of the connection between sound engineering, physics, mathematics, neuroscience, nostalgia and music.

fig 10: Trevor Horn in the Buggles with the hit song Video Killed the Radio Star.  

References

https://ask.audio/articles/review-aphex-exciter

https://worldradiohistory.com/hd2/IDX-Audio/Archive-High-Fidelity-IDX/IDX/80s/High-Fidelity-1983-02-OCR-Page-0012.pdf#search=%22aphex%20aural%20exciter%22

https://www.izotope.com/en/learn/4-ways-to-add-augment-or-excite-upper-harmonics.html

http://www.muzines.co.uk/articles/the-man-who-sells-excitement/8393

https://www.radioworld.com/uncategorized/sharper-image-to-sell-hd-radios-336656

https://www.musicradar.com/news/a-brief-history-of-sonic-enhancers-plus-5-of-the-tastiest-sweetening-plugins

https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipObQHFIuCxQVBcgtdbzFI7feak9rczemV-dQqmvK02yAhEX7Eq_D_f6xRTqfRZDwg?key=RWE0WlU2bW1NanV6NFJKNkpmRFFDTW4xQ2RQNXp3

https://www.waves.com/val-garay-on-the-hits-of-the-70-and-80

https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipObQHFIuCxQVBcgtdbzFI7feak9rczemV-dQqmvK02yAhEX7Eq_D_f6xRTqfRZDwg/photo/AF1QipPBKRpTgZwZ3j6Pm9GK09dziTRbz99-XISZYbmk?key=RWE0WlU2bW1NanV6NFJKNkpmRFFDTW4xQ2RQNXp3

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2011-04-eyes-brain.html

Images

Fig 1: https://www.261.gr/vintage9.html

Fig 2: https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipObQHFIuCxQVBcgtdbzFI7feak9rczemV-dQqmvK02yAhEX7Eq_D_f6xRTqfRZDwg/photo/AF1QipPBKRpTgZwZ3j6Pm9GK09dziTRbz99-XISZYbmk?key=RWE0WlU2bW1NanV6NFJKNkpmRFFDTW4xQ2RQNXp3

Fig 3: https://ask.audio/articles/review-aphex-exciter

Fig 4: http://www.muzines.co.uk/articles/the-man-who-sells-excitement/8393 

Fig 5: https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipObQHFIuCxQVBcgtdbzFI7feak9rczemV-dQqmvK02yAhEX7Eq_D_f6xRTqfRZDwg/photo/AF1QipP7E4OLnN3b67Bi3Zjy0xoyxUywmle-NnBEyxn2?key=RWE0WlU2bW1NanV6NFJKNkpmRFFDTW4xQ2RQNXp3

Fig 6: https://www.discogs.com/Linda-Ronstadt-Hasten-Down-The-Wind/release/6277450

Fig 7: https://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/2018/03/01/l-s-recording-studios-ruled-music-scene/ideas/essay/

Fig 8: https://worldradiohistory.com/hd2/IDX-Audio/Archive-Studio-Sound-IDX/IDX/80s/Studio-Sound-1980-12-OCR-Page-0027.pdf#search=%22aphex%20aural%20exciter%22

Fig 9:https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0394924/mediaviewer/rm3715659776

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[roezlf]

A Letter From Home About Sound and Consciousness

Dear "Blue" Gene,

As I sit here writing you this letter I'm listening to the sound of the midnight train as it moves and changes across the hills. It reminds me of you as it travels to the back of my mind. Now that's a pretty weird idea. I don't know why it should remind me of you. Sometimes I just listen and it doesn't remind me of anything. It seems to create the space in time in which it moves. It comes from nowhere. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. I really wrote to tell you that the bar we used to play at has changed hands again. Do you remember how everyone got together and danced until dawn, just like a religion? It took an hour to get the tunes out of your head. Then we got stoned and in that presence we'd talk about our crazy ideas. I remember you said that a child growing up, the growth of the feeling of being inside yourself, and the sound changing over space and time were similar experiences. Their motions had the same shape. Oh boy.

Speaking of younger people, your cousin is growing up fast. When he was four months old he was sucking his thumb and waving his arms and after a year he was grabbing hold of blankets and rugs, pulling things toward himself and seeing how close he could get. We must have seemed like pictures on TV. Soon he started talking and opened his mouth wide to describe something big, breathing heavily in and out. To him each breath was like a thought. When he was one year old somebody would yawn in the room and he wouldn't. He would describe things that weren't anywhere near him. An idea he heard one day he would describe as his own on the next. When he was two or three-and-a-half years old he talked to his imaginary companion. Now he's twelve and imagines everything connected to everything else. The more defined a situation gets, the more he spaces out. I guess he wonders if his life is supposed to be a story. But of course he was five when out of the blue he started to speak Polish and recall his past lives. That certainly wasn't in the books. Sometimes you imagine you're in the music and sometimes you're apart from it. I remember the time the band gave your name, "Blue" Gene. There was a feeling that trouble was built into you. Like they say, "In your dreams". Both you and I know you're no victim of circumstance.

Of course you do get obsessed and at those times what you want to know gets drawn toward you. How close can you get? Ghosts appear mostly in February. How do you describe something which is invisible and unknowable? When the train goes by, what should I pay attention to? The sound, or what I see, or what goes on in my mind or maybe all three of them at once? Three guesses. A coincidence. A connection outside the connection inside. It's so beautiful to see someone thinking. Consider four-billion people walking around with slightly different things in their heads at any given moment. When you're in this country all the images that support living in the city disappear. The day before you left on that midnight train was the day we made up that weird theory about a history of consciousness. Of course it was just as arbitrary as any history and started twelve-thousand years in the past. The people are peaceful, there's no government, and nothing is an example of anything. There are no words for past, present, future or madness. It's always the first time. However, there is a voice that appears to each of them, barely the sting, softly in between the other sounds of living. One side of the brain in each person is slowly sending pulses through to the other side. It is inevitable, according to this ordered out theory, that an imaginary space somewhere in the back of your mind gets gets occupied by someone called "I" who floats around in the same space it has created. Then we skipped a few thousand years to watch that unidentified inner voice become embodied in the voice of the ruler. Statues were in the center of town just like today. Images of ancestors with large eyes. Eye-to-eye contact. Time ceases to exist. A younger and older man. A younger and older woman. Eye-to-eye contact. Mother and child. When you talk about love everyone's an authority.

Eight-thousand or maybe six-thousand years ago when young women were possessed oracles and older men were hot-blooded prophets for telling the future, their message was delivered in steady rhythmic verses. Always the same rhythm no matter what language. From one side of the brain to the other. From invisible heaven to foggy earth. This was sunlight inside and outside without yawning or blinking. You can send your consciousness anywhere and in the prophet's eyes the ideas on the periphery of his vision frame what he sees. The possibilities are beats of light constantly changing intensity. He imagines the experience as always the same and always entirely out of control somewhere out there. Every eleven-and-eleven-hundredths years there is a cycle of increased sun spot activity. Every eleven-and-tenths years there is a cycle of mass human excitability. If something went one way, and if the space were somehow closed off, the idea was that something had to go the other way. There are so many cycle you could just as well see the changes as random. Someone called it peaceful coexistence. They way the waves travel through the same medium, the water, and cross through each other transparently without destruction. The rest of the story, "Blue", was that the outside voices began to be heard inside forty-one-hundred or maybe thirty-seven-hundred years ago. People started to write laws down and make treaties. The world was pictured in sets of two and the ideas of history, motives, and strategies were dreamed up. This went along with war, life stories, and authorities from outer space. On the periphery of this country someone made up the notion that you could change yourself by changing your consciousness without connections beyond contradictions. His blood pressure was highest at three in the afternoon and lowest at three in the morning. When he started singing with his friends someone would remember just the words and someone would remember just the tunes. Two points in space but three types of connections. When they went out on a date each of them imagined his and her mom and dad would come along. A steady structure, a complete decision with only four moves. Yes and no on the first possibility, yes and no on the other one. Did he need that image outside to have that feeling inside?

I wonder if I have changed since I was young. Or has it always been this way? I guess I want a vision beyond consciousness. The way a culture takes twenty years to catch up to what can occur in a flash to one person. Someone who's done his thinking before he realizes it. I can accept the way I pay attention to things even if every ninety-six minutes I get an urge to talk, eat, or kiss somebody. Yes, just anybody, "Blue". And I start to pay attention to the miracles that I do know about. You know, I never set the alarm and I always wake up on time. Even in a thunderstorm my mother would wake up only when she hears a baby cry. When I play a piece on the piano once it goes on rehearsing by itself and its easier to play the next time and there are the coincidences and the invisible ideas that will reveal themselves any time you start to go through the motions. Are they really out there, "Blue"? Going to the center of town by calculating spirals which run down, going to the center of town randomly. All the energy is mysteriously conserved as the bird flies. From time to time I feel another world growing up among the one I experience every day and it seems no conclusions can be drawn about anyone's eventual fate. Sometimes I put my fingertips on the top of my eyes and apply pressure slightly. Then the pressure is released and flashes of light still remain floating among the forms that are shaped like networks. That pressure to move the lights is the same as taking on any idea to move my body. One side of my brain keeps rambling on to write you this letter while the other side is setting it to rhythmic music migrating from fundamental harmonics to the harmonics of those harmonics, building its own bridge. Part of light, to a molecule, to fluorescence, to warmth, to my body and its rhythms and back again. We're not attached or separate in space. Slipping in between the pulses of consciousness. UFO's appear mostly in April coinciding with the sudden appear and disappearance of the stars. But anyway, its always the first time.

This train is lit by the luminescence of the town and the faint warning light from the light it gives off. That light defines the area all around the train just as your love defines the way you see the life closest to you. Is that too corny, "Blue"? Well, you know, that's how we are here. Write soon.

[herokamijoutouma]

Hyperdimension Sephira Ep. 1 - Welcome to Gamindustri

Episode 1:

Welcome to Gamindustri

“Ahh! Damn! Damn! God damn it! This is definitely not my day!!”

Even as he realized his cries sounded rather strange, Tsukamoto Shizuki showed no sign of stopping his tremendous flight. As he ran through back alleys late at night, he glanced over his shoulder.

There were six of them.

He ran frantically all over for almost two kilometers, but there were still six of them.

Of course, Tsukamoto Shizuki had no way to win in a fight against that many unless he happened to be a former foreign unit’s cook or a cyber-ninja that had survived to the present day. In a fight between high school students, anything beyond one-on-three was out of the question. That could be called “impossible” even before taking any skill he might have had into account. Tsukamoto kicked over a filthy plastic bucket and frightened off a black cat as he continued running.

It was January 3, 2028.

A new year was just beginning, which would often be seen as a moment of celebration for most people, however, in Tsukamoto's case, he felt as though there was nothing joyous about it. At least not for him personally.

Any hopes of him believing that this would be a good year had been hopelessly crushed into the wind. After all, he was being pursued by six different people.

And there was a reason for that.

Tsukamoto Shizuki was an individual whose life was not worth telling about. If one were to see him, he would be seen as an average looking 17 year old who lived an average life with his family and friends. However, this was not entirely the case. While his life was somewhat mundane, it wasn't by any means normal. As of now, he was someone that was not desired by the world around him; an outcast shunned and sometimes mocked for his special circumstances.

In this world, there were humans that have been born with special abilities and attributes not belonging to those of normal human beings. As a result, the ordinary people in the world grew fearful and reacted in a multitude of ways. Some reactions ranged from hate groups, to task forces created by various governments to deal with these people, and even cases of fanatical worship. Hate and fear was what mostly gripped this world when it came to these beings and as such, they were given an official classification.

Espers.

People who developed supernatural abilities often at a young age. An unfortunate circumstance that tore apart families.

But that was neither here nor there. Shizuki's life was probably in danger, due to the fact that gossip had spread about his "powers" for a while now, which hurt him pretty much in most corners of his life. But he wasn't being pursued by some radical organization or some task force, but rather a group of delinquents who happened to be old classmates of his from middle school. People who heard about his "powers" and wanted to beat him up out of hatred for his supposed kind.

It was a chance encounter he had while walking back home from the convenience store, where the group had recognized him and decided to enforce their own sense of justice upon him by beating him to a bloody pulp.

The blue haired teen ran has fast as his legs could humanly carry him, wanting to get away from his pursuers. The delinquents were around his age of varying builds and heights, each shouting curses and threats while they chased him.

After making a couple roundabout maneuvers and turns, he found himself in a empty alley way with his path blocked by a wall. If the delinquents did somehow manage to catch up to him, he could have no way of escaping. Hoping that wasn't the case, he finally spoke aloud in strained gasps as he tried to inhale oxygen in his lungs.

"Did I... finally lose them?"

The teen laid up against the wall, trying to catch his breath as he slumped down to the ground. A sense of relief washed over him as was prepared to determine if the storm had passed. But that illusion would soon be mercilessly smashed.

"Yo. Corpse..."

("Damn...")

His heart immediately sank when he heard the delinquent's voice call out to him, using a name he came to hate so much.

There stood the five young men, looking down on him like a pack of wolves ready to tear into their prey. Shizuki jumped to his feet at once, his back immediately pressed against the wall, with an anguished expression. The leader of the group clearly saw how helpless he looked and thought to amuse himself.

"You know.... yer quite fast for a little corpse, I'll give you that."

"...."

Shizuki expressed a tinge of anger as the young thug spoke. Because of a specific incident that caused one of his powers to awaken years prior, classmates, and even some adults had been calling him that name ever since.

"Come on you guys... don't you idiots have anything better to do than to gang up on some outcast like me?"

"We consider it a great honor to beat up freaks like you."

One of the delinquents retorted.

"You damn Espers have been screwin' up the world for a long time lately. It's about time we finally do our part and show you that you damn'd freaks don't belong!"

The tallest one shouted, slamming his fist into his palm with great enthusiasm.

"How many times do I have to tell you bozos that I'm not an Esper?! I don't even have the Gene for crying out loud! Are you guys so thick skulled that you don't even know about that?"

The youth shouted with slight irritation as he was tired of being mistaken for an Esper and being treated as such by the people in this damn town. The blond haired delinquent finally spoke up addressing his leader.

"Yo senpai, This mutant has quite the shitty mouth. Don'tchya think it's time he learns his lesson?"

"Oh yeah, you got a point there Watanabe."

The leader of the group smirked as he walked toward Shizuki cracking his knuckles. He tensed up at this moment, getting into a fighting posture. This wasn't the first time he fought most of these guys before.

He fought them back when he was in his third year of middle school, though the fight had no victor as it was broken up by nearby teachers and students; a fight which resulted in Tsukamoto himself getting suspended while the aggressors had only gotten detention.

Before he could act however, the leader rushed at him and threw a punch that connected to his face so hard, it knocked him back into the wall and onto the ground. The youth tried to get up, but his attempt was stopped by the heavy force he felt kicking him back down.

The other delinquents chuckled maliciously as the gathered around the fallen high school student and began stomping his body into the ground. The hits had repeatedly connected with his head, arms, hand, leg, and even his crotch was not spared from the brutal assault these guys gave him. Shizuki could feel his rage building up as each foot trampled him mercilessly. Every time he intended to retaliate, his efforts would be automatically halted, angering him further.

("I hate this place... I hate these people.... I hate this world. I wish I could just disappear from this place for good.")

He honestly would not mind if these people had stomped his brains in and ended his life here. In this town, everywhere he went, some people would give him wary looks, as if he were infected by some kind of disease. he had friends in the past, but they abandoned him in one way or another, and his parental guardian, Tsukamoto Hakurei was always away from home due to "work."

He was alone. Loved by few and hated by many. Living a hollow life that was accompanied by misery.

"Just let me disappear for good... I don't even care how... I'm sick of this pointless excuse for a life."

He had bothered not even trying at that point, not even trying to defend himself, for he wanted his life to end in one way or another.

After having his body trampled on for what seemed like an eternity to the youth, the delinquents finally relented before the leader sighed.

"Man, that felt good. Nothing like beating the shit out of some Esper freak amirite?"

"You got that right senpai!"

The younger thug exclaimed, holding a thumbs up. The leader looked down on the boy who had a somewhat expressionless look on his face.

"But just for good measure..."

He raised his foot back before propelling it forward, hitting Shizuki hard in the head, which was enough to make him slip out of consciousness.

The young men laughed heartily in response to their gang leader dealing the final blow to the unordinary youth's skull.

"Careful bro, the dude might literally become a corpse."

One of the delinquents said so in a joking manner, showing almost no concern for the boy's life.

"Eh, you're right. Let's get outta here. I hear that new burger joint opened up yesterday."

"Aw yeah! I hear their burgers are the bomb!"

And as if forgetting he was there, the gun-ho males turned away from Tsukamoto and headed to their next destination, talking about inconsequential crap.

"...."

The youth laid there alone in the dark alleyway, writhing in pain from the beating he took. It was close to midnight and he was fading in and out of consciousness from the last blow to the head he received. His vision was starting to fade and it was only a matter of time before lost consciousness. But before he did....

"H...Huh?"

A figure stood before him.

The figure did not appear human, although it was in human shape. The figure resembled that of a human female in terms of how its body was structured, however, its features were heavily obscured by a bright light that it gave off. The female appeared to have long hair, though of unknown color and wore robes of unknown detail. If Shizuki could describe this thing, Goddess would immediately come to mind.

The light wasn't bright enough to hurt his already strained eyes, but it was enough too obscure her features so that only the outline of her figure could be seen and nothing more.

"W...Who are y...you..?

Tsukamoto called out to the <Goddess> in a weak tone, though she showed no reaction to his question. Instead, the being of white light walked toward the fallen boy and looked down on him for a few brief moments before speaking to him in an incomprehensible voice.

「" ─── My poor child. You have lived a hard life here have you not? I am sorry that you had to endure the hardships you had on this world."」

The being's voice was unbelievable.  It was filtered and disguised through unknown means, but he could definitely tell the voice was female despite his dazed state. Her voice carried a sense of serenity and strength, indicating that her words carried a lot of weight in them. She didn't radiate murderous intent but instead, gave off an aura that felt... motherly.

  「"I had hoped that you would be safe in this world.... but now I fear that your life is in jeopardy once more."」

He couldn't understand the being clear enough. His consciousness was fading and  it was only a matter of time before his vision would fade completely.

「"And so, I must send you away once more. May the Root bless you with a more meaningful life in the new world... and moreso ───"」

The <Goddess>'s tone became more severe as she uttered these last few words.

「"───may The Root protect you from evil that lurk within the darkness."」

A cryptic message had been given. The youth's ears heard it, but he was too out of it to fully grasp the information.

("A guardian angel huh..? Why come to my aid now of all times?")

Before Shizuki could even speak out loud, he could no longer hold on to reality, but the image before him would be ingrained in his memory forever. A girl made of brilliant white light, carrying the grace and serenity of an angel. If he didn't know any better, he swore he could have seen a smile on the entity's shrouded features.

The world suddenly became white and Tsukamoto Shizuki was no longer on Earth.

※※※※※

A pair of brown eyes finally opened after a long slumber. The youth awoke to find himself laying comfortably in a soft bed with the covers pulled over his body.

"Auhhh..."

The first thing his eyes laid their gaze upon was a white ceiling. An unfamiliar ceiling in an unfamiliar room.

"Where the hell am I... and why do I feel like I got body slammed by those fake TV wrestlers?"

The youth felt sore on multiple areas on his body, including an area where no man should ever be hit and to top that off, his head was assailed by a sharp throbbing pain, which caused him to hold his head in discomfort.

"Ugh.... what the heck was I even doing that made me feel like some bedridden grandpa?"

Tsukamoto searched his memories to find out what could have happened that resulted in his current situation. Then he remembered. The delinquents, the beating, and the <Goddess> that appeared before him.

"So that really did happen... the ass beating followed by the guardian angel showing up."

He thoroughly remembered getting stomped on by those thugs and the faces and remarks they made when they did so. Thinking about it began to stir up heavy emotions, namely anger. He also questioned if he really did see an Angel Goddess of any sort, but he could worry about that later. Right now, he had other things to figure out.

("What's up with this room? This definitely doesn't look like a hospital room...")

Indeed. A normal hospital room would be plain looking in design, but the room resembled that of someone's bedroom, and not just anyone's bed room; a girl's bedroom.

The walls were painted pink and the shelves were adorned with books, stuffed animals, and for some reason, an object that looked like a giant syringe sitting in the corner of the room.

("Whoever lives here must be a girl or... a really flamboyant dude with some interesting design choices. huh? What the hell is this..?")

The more he moved his body, the more he felt like something was restraining him in a way. He looked down at his body only to find that the shirt and jacket of his school's uniform was completely removed and that half his torso was wrapped in bandages.

("Ok, I know I took a beating but this is ridiculous. What kind of quack doctor stitches people up like this?")

Shizuki took a closer look at the bandage work. It had been wrapped around his body tightly, affected areas of the beatings included, but the work was so sloppily done, a real medical physician would laugh and think of it as a big joke... or facepalm hard.

"Some amateur obviously did this. I can't fault them for trying to help though, but did they really need to use this much bandage? I'm not even sure if I need them at this point."

The teen mused as he stood up from the bed and began undoing some of the bandages that were wrapped around his person. The areas that had either been bruised or cut had indeed healed, though said areas was still somewhat sore. It was no doubt one of his special abilities that he had loathed so much, and one that gave him the nick name Corpse to begin with...

Tsukamoto walked over to the room's only window only to have his eyes widen at the sight he was greeted with.

"What the..."

He realized that he was in a building, several stories high, of what he assumed was an apartment complex. He also noticed that the building was in the middle of large city, with building designs he had never seen before. At least not in Japan. Back in his hometown, there was no huge metropolis and his neighborhood only consisted of a row of houses and the occasional convenience stores in the area overall.

This city on the other hand, did not resemble his home town at all. The buildings were of varying heights and sizes, but all of them were white. Not that white buildings were uncommon back home, but not all of them were white like this. Another thing that caught Shizuki's eye was a towering large structure in what seemed like the middle of the city, arching over the buildings like some giant arch, only it was rectangular. If it wasn't for this huge structure, he would have initially assumed that he was in a city like Tokyo or maybe even NYC before observing more closely.

("...Okay. I'm not sure if I should be awestruck or panicking right now, but where the hell am I?")

The teen mentally commented as he begun to contemplate his situation.

He was in a room he didn't recognize.

He was in a building he didn't recognize.

He was in a city he didn't recognize.

At this point, he may as well have been in another country altogether. He was unsure how to feel at the moment. Part of him was glad that he was out of the place that he felt unwelcome in, but another part of him was wary of his new surroundings because he had no idea what would be in store for him.

However, before he could make any further attempts to process this turn of events, a sudden voice snapped him back to the present.

"Oh, you're up. Good morning sleepy head! Well actually, good afternoon!"

Shizuki turned around to face the origin of the voice. Standing in the doorway was a girl, no older than Shizuki himself with  hair that was a light creamy pink color, which was somewhat long and curls along the edges worn with a black headband with a C patched on the side. Her clothing consisted of a tan-white wool styled tank top with big neck and un-attached sleeves and matching styled boots, but with small ribbons/fuzzy balls at the top along with red plaid skirt and a black choker with a heart.

The teen remained silent for a while, before saying anything. This was really the first time, as far as he can remember being alone in the same room with a girl his own age, especially one whom he would admit was rather cute in his eyes. But such thoughts aside, there was a small feeling that something about this girl was familiar to him, but couldn't place his finger on it.

After a good few moments of silence, Shizuki asked the obvious question.

"Uh, I might be asking a dumb question here but, how on earth did you manage to drag me from a dirty alleyway in Japan all the way to...where ever this place is?"

The girl tilted her head in slight confusion at his words before answering his question.

"You fell from the sky and landed in the ground with a weird symbol scribbled on it.. so I pulled you out and carried you back home!"

The girl tilted her head in slight confusion at his words before answering his question.

"Well, it was just three nights ago that I saw a light in the sky... that was you!"

"Well that explains it... wait what? Light in the sky? Three Nights ago?"

The male was confused as to what she meant.  If what she was saying was true, then he was out of commission for damn near three days. Also...

"When I found you, you were laying in the middle of this weird symbol thingy drawn in the ground.. so I carried you all the way back home and has been treating you ever since."

The girl smiled innocently as if there was nothing odd with what she just told him.

"You carried me here all by yourself?"

Shizuki asked with some disbelief. As much as he had a hard time picturing the girl carrying him as if he were lightweight, He could only imagine the looks she would've gotten if anyone had actually saw her do so.

"Why didn't you take me to a hospital? That would've been way more simpler than just carrying me."

"Well, as you can see I'm a nurse in training! It wouldn't just do for me to not do my part and not treat you as best I can! Pluss..."

The girl trailed off for a bit as if she wanted to say something but held off on it, earning her a raised eyebrow from her guest. She then shook her head before resuming to a new topic.

"I'm Compa by the way! What's your name?"

"Shizuki. Tsukamoto Shizuki. It's nice to meet you."

The youth put on a pleasant smile as he introduced himself to his host.

"Nice to meet you uh, Shiza...Shizur... Shizu-kun!"

The girl named Compa fumbled over her words as she attempted to pronounce Shizuki's name before coming up with a nickname for him that was easier for her to say.

The teen tried to suppress his minor embarrassment as a faint blush briefly manifested on his face. He was not used to other people calling him by such names, as the last time he had been addressed similarly was when he was in grade school. He wanted to make a remark about the nickname he was given but that thought was replaced by yet another question.

"Wait, hold up... weird symbol? You found me laying in something like that?"

"Mm, it was really weird looking.. I never saw anything like it."

The girl nodded as she recalled the subject of interest and its appearance.

"Well, I'll admit, my curiosity's now piqued. If I was found in such a thing, I think it would do me well to check it out."

"Ooh! I can take you there then, Shizu-kun!"

There was still a lot that the Youth wanted to ask. About the events of last night involving that entity, his new surroundings and how he got there. His theory about being sent to a possibly different world by that thing was not thrown out of the window, but it was still to early to make such assumptions. If he were to see this supposed symbol he as recovered from 3 nights ago, he would hope to find clues as to what happened with him that night.

※※※※※

More than several minutes later had passed. The two had already left the apartment complex to go to the location where Shizuki was found just three nights prior. Following Compa's lead, he walked about the city and couldn't help but marvel at the sights. The buildings, roads and even vehicles seemed to be futuristic in design, and the pedestrians that walked around them wore varying styles of clothes that would cause one back home to raise an eyebrow and question their fashion sense.

what's more, there was a white and green rectangular structure in the middle of the downtown area that did not resemble any landmark he's seen before.

"By the way Compa-san, what the heckt is this place?"

"We're in the main city of Leanbox, one of the four nations of Gamindustri."

"Leanbox? Gamindustri?"

Tsukamoto uttered out the two unfamiliar words as if asking for confirmation. It seems that his theory about being sent to a different world was beginning to sound more plausible.

"Mm, Ruled by the goddess, Green Heart, Leanbox is called the land of prosperity. It's a beautiful country where people settle down to retire or start a family."

"Is that so? It does kinda seem like the kind of place to settle down or take a vacation to every once and a while... wait, Goddess?"

Shizuki aptly responded while taking in his surroundings before something she said caught his attention. Meanwhile, Compa nodded and continued with the explanation.

"Gamindustri has four nations, all which are ruled by goddesses. Purple Heart for Planeptune, Black Heart for Lastation, White Heart for Lowee, and Green Heart for Leanbox."

"Well, I guess it's official. I'm no longer on earth.... so these goddesses, what are they like?"

His theory was confirmed. He was without a doubt, in another world, one that was ruled by goddesses too. Despite this, he didn't seem that all concerned with the possibility of being stranded there, for one reason or another... Instead, he was more curious about the setting he was thrown into.

"Well, Nep-Nep's a lazy gamer that hates working, Noire's a busybody that spends all day in her office, Blanc's a shy anti social author who spends her day trying write novels, and Vert's also a gamer who spends too much time in her room."

"Eh?"

That description completely contrasted the kind of image he imagined the Goddesses would be. He pictured that they would be something like the Deities recorded in multiple religions and mythologies, some being kind and tranquil, some being vengeful, and some that were just plain vindictive, but from what it sounded like, the Gamindustrian Goddesses sounded more teenagers and collage students if anything.

With people like this running a whole country and its government, he was surprised these countries were still standing at all, much less functioning.

"That's... quite an interesting bunch. It sounds like you're pretty familiar with them though."

"Yeah! Nep-Nep, Ge-Ge, and everyone else are my friends! Maybe I'll introduce you to them sometime!"

The nurse in training spoke about her friends happily.

"Yeah, I'd like that. Oh?"

Shizuki returned a smile to the girl, before noticing something that caused him to stop.

The boy then went over to what looked like a pile of trash bags and had begun to shuffle through them.

"Hm? What are you doing, digging around the trash like that, Shizu-kun?"

Compa asked, tilting her head in confusion as she watched him rummage through the rubbish.

It was then that the boy had pulled out a long wooden object.

"Ah, perfect!"

It was a wooden sword. It was one of the wooden swords that were often used for training purposes by those practicing Kendo. Not lethal, but still very painful if hit hard enough by it.

"What's that?"

"It's a kendo training sword, and in good condition too... I wonder who would throw something like this away when it's not even damaged."

Tsukamoto mused as he inspected the weapon closely. Judging from the lack of dirt on it, it was likely that it had been thrown away very recently.

"I see that, but what are you gonna do with it, Shizu-kun?"

"We're going to a park just outside of town right? Who knows what kind of wild animal we'll run into on the way. Besides, I used to practice kendo for a while. This might be a good excuse to get back into it."

"Well, if you say so."

※※※※※

After walking for quite a while, the pair found themselves in a wooded area, surrounded by towering trees and nature, with only a small road that leads from the town and deeper into the forest.

There were no other humans visible in the area except for themselves.

During their walk into the park, the two had told each other about themselves, what their daily routines were, and what they were interested in. During this, Shizuki told her about the circumstances that lead to his sudden appearance in this world.

He may have omitted some facts such as his 'powers', but for the most part, he got the point across about him being from another world.

"So you're from another dimension?"

"It looks like it. I still don't understand it myself... who, or what was that thing that sent me here, and why?"

The blue haired teen's question was not really directed at his new friend, but more or less at himself as if reminding him if what really happened that night was real.

"Hmm, maybe there's something here that was missing in your world?"

"Hah, I sure wish it was something as poetic as that."

Tsukamoto shrugged, hanging his newly acquired weapon behind his head while walking.

"Still, you don't seem all that worried about being so far from home. Aren't you scared?"

"Eh? Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. This is a different world and a lot of things are so different. Even so, there's really no rush for me to get back home. I'd just like to think of it as being on vacation."

There were several reasons why Shizuki was not in any hurry to return to his home world. Most of them mainly revolved around how he was treated as an outcast because of his ability, and part of it was because the world in general was teetering on being too hostile for his own liking.

Between the chaos that was going on in the middle east, the uneasy vibe America was giving after its second civil war, and the heightened animosity toward Espers after several incidents, he did not want to stick around when all hell broke loose once more if he could help it.

Besides, he was curious about his new surroundings and the world he was brought to. The more he could find out, the more he could form an opinion to see if he was actually willing to stay here in the end.

"Well, until you decide to leave, you're welcome to stay at my place if you like!"

Compa offered, happily.

"Really? I mean, I don't want to be a bother if I can help it. Besides, isn't kind of weird having a guy you just met stay over your house like this?"

"It's no bother at all! Besides, it wouldn't feel right to just throw you out on the street... I also think you're a nice person Shizu-kun, so I trust you!"

Shizuki couldn't help but chuckle at that statement. he had been called quite a few things, but nice person was rarely one of them.

"Haha, well that's a first. I mean, I'd like to think I'm a nice person, but this is the first time someone's ever called me that outright."

"Really?" The pink haired girl tilted her head.

"Well, I guess the reason for that is that I don't really have a friend or two to chat with like this back home."

The youth cast his gaze off to the side as if remembering something unpleasant before trying to force said memory into the back of his head.

Before Compa could make a comment, she suddenly stopped and her attention was focused on something in front of her.

Shizuki noticed this too as he also stopped walking and looked at the scenery before him.

On the path before them were creatures. These creatures were frolicking around in the field before them like a heard of animals would.

Only these were not normal animals.

They were blue masses of unknown substances with dog like features with no arms or legs of any kind.

"Hey Compa-san, what the heckt are those?"

"Those are Doggos. They're little jelly monsters that look like dogs, but if you aren't quick enough, they latch onto you and try to get in your clothes. It's really icky.."  

The pink haired nurse grimaced as she recalled the last time she encountered a Dogoo.

"Sounds kind of gross... oh well, time to get started then."

With a brief stretch, Tsukamoto readied his wooden sword as if preparing for combat, his face donning an eager smile.

The gesture only caused his partner to give him a confused look.

"Shizu-kun?"

"These things will be a problem if we continue right? Then I should try to take the good lot of em' out to make the path easier."

"I guess so... but can you really fight?"

"I DID used to practice kendo for a while back home. While I don't consider myself particularly good, I think I can handle these guys no problem!"

Shizuki let out a wry grin.

Some of the doggos in question had just now noticed their presence and were slowly making their way to their position.

"Okay, if you say so... in that case, I'll help out too then! Um, just let me get this out..."

And without warning, Compa had pulled out a ridiculously large object that shouldn't be able to fit on her person.

It was a massive syringe with an unknown pink substance inside.

"H-Huh?! What's with that huge syringe?!"

The appearance of the object had completely caught the youth off guard. At first glance, it appeared to be nothing more than a standard medical syringe.

The only thing was its size. It was comically too big for anyone to casually carry it around.

"Oh, this is my weapon. I use it to fight bad monsters! It's really nifty!"

"Uh-huh... I'm not even going to ask where you pulled that out from."

The blue haired teen stared at his partner's 'weapon' in disbelief before turning his attention to the on coming wave.

"Alright then, let's mop the road with these guys!"

"Yessy!"

With their spirits fired up, the pair promptly rushed toward the group of dogoos with Tsukamoto leading the charge.

A sharp battle cry escaped his lungs as he swung the wooden sword down on the first target he saw near him. The strike sent the doggo in question back, before it was hit again from another attack from the sword. The second strike had damaged the creature enough that it had expired, disappearing in a few pixelated lights.

Shizuki went onto the next target and dealt with them in the same manner. Compa on the other hand took her Syringe(?) and aimed it at some of the slime-like creatures and began to fire projectiles that were seemingly made out of some kind of energy at the Doggos as if it were some kind of Gatling gun.

The Doggos went down with little effort as the energy projectiles hit at least five of them unimpeded.

The youth continued his close ranged assault with his new weapon, taking out the small creatures with swift strikes. Some had managed to dodge a few of his hits, but they were ultimately too slow as he got close and dealt the finishing blows.

It wasn't that he was strong. In a fight against any other creature or a trained human, he would lose for sure. The Doggos were fairly weak in comparison to other beasts however. Even a child with a baseball bat could deal with these things easily.

"Hah! This is pretty good exercise! I just might start practicing again!"

with a grin, Shizuki continued to fight back, hitting any Dooggo that came into close proximity of his weapon.

However...

"K-Kyaaaaaaa!"

A nearby scream had caught his attention.

"?!"

"D-Don't go in there...!"

He quickly turned around to see that one of the creatures had gotten the jump on Compa and had already latched itself onto her, trying to get into her clothes.

"Hang in there, Compa-san!"

He swatted one of the creatures aside before going to her aid, but his advance was quickly stopped as one of the Doggos had hopped onto his head, getting in his hair.

"H-Hey! Get off!"

The teen had quickly yanked off the creature throwing it aside when another one had attached itself to his pant leg.

"Oi Oi, Tsukamoto Shizuki is not a free ride for slime dogs! Off with you!"

The boy protested, shaking his leg vigorously in order to get the slime lifeform  to detach itself off his leg. The creature relented and it was dealt with with a swift strike to the head.   Shizuki then rushed over to Compa who was starting to get surrounded by a few of them while struggling to get rid of the one that latched onto her.

With small shout, he rushed over to his partner and struck the the masses of slime with his weapon, taking them out.

And at the same time, the pink haired nurse managed to force the thing off of her and threw it away before it was promptly struck in the head by a certain wooden sword.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine desu... is that all of them?"

"Yeah, I think so... Boy were those things persistent. I'm starting to see why you didn't like dealing with them."

Shizuki let out a sigh of relief as he extended his hand to help up his partner.

"Uguuu... I never wanna fight another doggo for as long as I live..."

The girl groaned as she took his hand and stood up dusting herself off.

The two took a brief sigh of relief, feeling that they had dealt with all of the blue masses of slime that proliferated in the area.

However...

They had noticed a large shadow loom over them from behind. The pair had slowly turned their heads to see what monstrosity has appeared this time.

A Doggo. More specifically, a Doggo that was ten times bigger than the ones they had exterminated.

Fighting dozens of smaller doggos were bad enough as it was, but a big one?

Shizuki's left eye twitched slightly as he imagined how much of a nightmare it would be to tackle this thing.

"...Yep, screw this."

And having said that, Shizuki took off running down the path they traveling on before.

"Wait for me, Shizu-kuuunn!"

Compa took off running as well, the giant mass of slime hopping after them.

※※※※※

After running for a few minutes, the pair had already lost sight of the giant thing. Doggos were not fast creatures at all and could be easily outran, and the same went double for the bigger ones. Fortunately, Doggos also tended to give up, once their target of interest had reached a certain distance.

In the end, they were not hostile creatures, but simply liked latching onto other people and getting into their clothes for whatever reason.

"I think we lost it..."  Said Shizuki as he rested his hands on his knees, breathing a bit heavily.

After a catching his breath for a few moments, he suddenly saw something that caught his eye just up ahead.

"Eh? What's that?"

He saw something that was etched into the ground just up ahead, but couldn't make out what it was from where he was standing.

"Oh, this is it!"

The pink haired girl spoke up before running over to the area Shizuki had spotted. With curiosity, the youth followed her lead and walked over to the area to get a better look.

"Ah, is this..."

On the ground before them was an intricately drawn symbol, almost resembling summoning circles drawn by cultists. Only two things stood out to them.

One of them was that the symbol was not drawn onto the ground. It was 'burned' into it, as if the ground was branded by whatever created the symbol.

And the other... it was drawn in such a complex way that the lines and writing seemed almost alien in design.

"This is where I found you, Shizu-kun. You fell from a light in the sky and landed right here."

"This... is definitely something. Now I'm one hundred percent positive that thing sent me here. I don't know of a single thing back home that could make something like this."

The teen walked over to the symbol and stepped inside of it before kneeling down and tracing his fingers through the lines that were burned into the surface.

"Compa-san, does this look like anything familiar to you?  Have you seen something like this anywhere else?"

The addressed shook her head.

"Nope, never seen anything like it before desu..."

"That so huh?  It doesn't look like there are any clues nearby about this thing either. Do you think we should head back and-"

A strange sound interrupted Tsukamoto, causing him to stop in his tracks.

"What the heckt was that sound?"

The sound was heard again, only louder. They could not determine where it came from, but it sounded nearby...

"I have a bad feeling about this desu..."

And in that moment, the ground their feet was planted on was rapidly crumbling from the added pressure.

It appeared that the ground they were standing on was hollow and whatever branded the ground and weakened it to the point of crumbling apart.

"W-Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!"

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

The pair screamed at the top of their lungs as they plummeted down into the depths unknown.

※※※※※

Darkness. That was the only word they could describe when they came to their senses. The sunlight and clear blue sky they were under was replaced with a dark ceiling made of rock, with a hole where the sun was shining down on them.

"Ohh..."

Shizuki lifted himself up and rubbed his head with his right hand. The fall didn't seem high enough to be fatal, but it was enough daze him and leave him with a few scrapes.

"Well that was terrible... Hey, Compa-san, are you alright?"

The youth looked over to his new friend as the person in question lifted herself up and rubbed her head, still dazed from the fall.

"Yessy... I think so."

"Where are we?"

Tsukamoto looked around to get a good view of their surroundings. It was indeed a cave. However, there was something unusual about it though.

Like most caves it was dark and wet, but rather than the cave being completely pitch black, it was dimly lit by a collection of blue glowing crystals, littered on the walls, ceiling and floors of the cave. Something which the youth never saw before in any cave as far as he knew.

"I think we're beneath the park... this place feels a bit weird desu..."

"I don't think we're going to get out the way we came... the hole's too high up to climb out of."

Letting out a dejected side, he got onto his feet and looked around for a possible way out. There were no rocks that they could stand on top of and the walls were too smooth and damp to climb on.

"But how are we going to get out of here, Shizu-kun?"

Asked Compa as she too stood up.

"There's a small draft coming in from the left... I'm guessing that leads to somewhere outside."

The blue haired youth faced the direction of the cave he had pointed out. There was indeed a draft coming from there, albeit faint and not immediately noticeable.

"Oh, I feel it too!"

"Let's get going, I don't want to hang around here too much."

"Y-Yessy!"

Tsukamoto shivered a bit before pressing forward down the cave, the girl nodding before following his lead.

About a good 19 minutes had passed since they started walking. They could feel the draft getting ever so stronger, but there was still no sign of any daylight from ahead.

The only light source that was visible in the cavern were the glowing crystals that scattered all across the walls and floors. For people who enjoyed dark rooms with ambient lighting, they would probably appreciate this place having its own light source with out any eternal power source.

However, the two humans that were currently traversing the dimly lit caverns did not share those sentiments. In fact, they were rather uncomfortable here, especially a certain pink haired nurse if her mild complaint was any indication.

"We've been walking for a long time Shizu-kun... are you sure we're going the right way?"

"The draft's gotten stronger hasn't it? Just a little bit further and we'll be out of this place soon."

Shizuki spoke as he gave his partner a reassuring smile. He did understand her complaints though. They had been walking for roughly 20 minutes and they had yet to find the exit. Being stuck in a dark place like this was bound to play with one's nerves if they were not used to frequenting such places.

Just as she let out a small sigh, Compa stopped in her tracks and turned her gaze upward at some part of the cavern ceiling.

"Hm? What's wrong, Compa-san?"

The girl remained quiet for a few seconds before shaking her head.

"Mm, it's nothing desu. Probably just imagining things."

Before Tsukamoto could say anything, a small bit of dust and rock began to fall in front of them.

"Man, I seriously hope this place isn't going to cave in on us."

Given how they ended up in these caves to begin with, it was not outside the realm of possibility that the ceilings were beginning to crumble apart. That however would pose another big problem for the two as the rubble would either crush them if they weren't fast enough, or it would trap them inside.

with this in mind, the pair were motivated to move more quickly than they had been.

However....

"?!"

Something else would be blocking their path entirely.

Dropping down from the ceiling above was an  tall, alien-looking creature that was brown in coloration with glowing red eyes.

Its body was appeared to have the torso of a humanoid with two long arms, each having claws resembling that of a scorpion or lobster's, a lower body that seemed to belong to that of an arachnid, and a long prehensile tail with a sharp object attached to its end.

What made the creature more horrifying is that beyond its seemingly humanoid facial features, it had a huge mouth that displayed multiple rows of teeth all over the inside of its mouth and two pairs of horns on top of its hairless head.

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅――!!!"

The atrocity made a loud sound that no human could ever recreate, causing the pair to shield their ears.

Completely startled by this creature's sudden appearance, Shizuki fell onto his bottom and backed away by a foot.

"W-W-What the hell is that?!?!"

"T-That's a scary monster desu..!"

The pink haired girl quivered out while staring at the creature. She didn't appear to be as startled as Tsukamoto, but still found the monster's appearance to be unsettling all the same.

A certain tail stood up from behind that creature.

And like a jaguar pouncing on its prey, the tail shot out at Compa to strike her with its sharp end.

"Compa-san!"

Without thinking, the boy jumped to his feet and pushed his friend out of the way, but...

"Kuahhhh――!" The stinger had struck Tsukamoto, grazing his back in the process and tearing across the back of his school uniform jacket.

"Shizu-kun!"

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅――!!!"

The abomination let out a loud sound as its tail retracted from the area it struck and stood up again, preparing for another go.

And without another moment's hesitation, the tail moved again only this time, it instead, wrapped around the pink haired girl and lifted her up off the ground.

"Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!! Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Compa-san! Hey, get your grubby little ha- er, tail off of her you discount Xenomorph!"

The youth demanded of the thing, while pointing his wooden sword at it. The gesture however, caused him to wince in pain from the cut he received on his back.

("I should probably take care of that first... but if I do use my regeneration, she might get suspicious.")

Shizuki had not told Compa about his abilities, when explaining his circumstances for appearing here.

The reason was obvious.

He did not know if there were any 'Gifted' people like himself in this world much like those back on earth, but he was not going to risk it. The girl who pulled him from that circle. The girl who treated his injuries and the only person he knows in this world so far.

 He had only known her for at best an hour, but he could already tell that she was a kind hearted person. Perhaps too kind.

But then again, there were those in his life who appeared almost as kind as she was, yet in the end, they turned on him.

Because he was not one of them.

Because he was different from them, people who claimed to be his friends turned on him and abandoned him when he needed them.

He felt like he had a chance to start over from zero in this new world he was brought into, leaving the turmoil he suffered from back on earth. If the only person whom he may have made a genuine friendship with in a long time found out that he was not human..

No. No way was he going to compromise his second chance. No way was he ever going to endure that kind of pain again.

"Help mee Shizu-kuunnnn――!"

("Gah! I can worry about that later!")

Having been pulled out of his musings by his friend's perilous screams, Tsukamoto closed his eyes several seconds and a faint azure light appeared on the wound on his back, slowly repairing the skin tissue.

"Hang on, Compa-san! I'll get you down from there some how!"

The youth assumed a stance, readying his weapon. The idea of facing a horrific Cave Dweller was terrifying him, but at the same time, he couldn't just turn tails and run away.

The girl recovered, treated him, and even offered him residence in her home despite being total strangers. To run away now would be paramount to throwing away her kindness. He had to save her. It was the least he could do.

The boy took a deep breath as he closed his eyes.

And within the net two seconds, his eyes opened as he sprinted at full speed toward the Cave Dweller and his weapon quickly moved in to connect with the atrocity.

A series of attacks were made as Tsukamoto repeatedly struck the beast with his sword, with as much speed and force as his mortal body could muster.

No part of the monster's lower body was spared as the sword connected with every part of the front lower body in an unrelenting flurry. After a good minute or repeatedly wailing on the thing, the youth finally stopped to catch his breath. However...

"...Hah?"

The attack had not damaged the creature. Not even a single one.

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅――!!!"

In a sound of annoyance, the Cave Dweller made a single swipe with its long right arm and knocked him back into a wall, hitting his self repairing wound  on it.

"Gaaahh――!!"

"Shizu-kun!"

Cried out Compa, feeling the tail wrapped around her get tighter.

*HISS*

"Kuh... right back at you, smiles."

wincing from his wound and the impact in general, Tsukamoto slowly lifted himself up and glared at the creature. The damn thing was too strong. what would have bludgeoned a normal guy's face if they stood still, did absolutely nothing to the abomination.

("What now? I hit him as hard as I could and there's not even a scratch on that thing!")

And just when he was about to decide on his next action, the creature hacked up and spit out an unknown substance from its huge mouth.

("Shit!")

The youth instinctively jumped over to the left and landed on his side, narrowly dodging the fluid.

Said fluid had then begun to corrode and eat away at the ground where Shizuki was once at.

"Acid?! Really?!"

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅――!!!"

He was not going to keep this up for much longer. No matter what he did, his attacks wouldn't hurt the creature, its tail was gripping the pink haired girl tightly, and it has shown it being able to spit out corrosive acid from a good distance.

The Cave Dweller was proving to be even more dangerous by the minute, and that was not going to change if he did not do something quick.

("Crap... I can't do anything in this situation! I'm as helpless as I was back with those thugs!")

The blue haired youth grimaced at his own powerlessness of this situation. He wanted to save the girl in front of him, but he was not strong enough to do it. It was the night in the alley way all over again. Unable to truly do anything in the end.

("If only there was something I could use...! Unless...")

There was something. Aside from his healing ability, Shizuki had another power that could possibly turn the tide in this situation. But...

It is something that he would never dare to utilize in any circumstance under sheer principle. It was an ability so awful, not even this atrocity deserves to suffer under it.

("No... I can't use that! I absolutely won't use that horrible thing!! But...")

Tsukamoto looked up at Compa who was struggling to breath from the Cave Dweller's Grasp. If this continued any longer, she will eventually be crushed.

He shut his eyes tightly, his body and hands trembling as they tightly held the wooden weapon.

"Damn it...!"

Just as he was about to give in, just as he was about to give in and go through with using that power, something unbelievable happened.

Three small silver streaks flew past Shizuki, and lodged themselves into the creature in three different spots.

The lower body.

The upper body's stomach.

And the creature's left eye.

And in that same instance...

*BOOM!*

Each of the three daggers exploded, causing the Cave Dweller to let out a horrific shriek and drop its hostage from its tail.

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅――!!!"

"Wha――?!"

He barely even had a chance to react to this sudden turn of events, as a blue streak flew past him with great speed, snatched up Compa from where she had fallen and made a U-turn back toward his direction and grabbed him as well.

"Woaaahhh...!"

He was moving at speeds that no ordinary human could run at, being carried by a person he had never seen before.

From his angle, he could tell that it was a girl with long brown hair, wearing some kind of blue overcoat, but he could not see her face.

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅――!!!"

Tsukamoto heard the Cave Dweller's demented cries as multiple foot steps were drawing closer from the end of the cave they ere being carried from. Some how, the atrocity had survived those exploding daggers and became pissed off as a result.

"Hey, we're almost out of here, so just hang on a bit longer."

The newcomer spoke for the first time, likely trying to reassure him after noticing his reaction to the threat that was approaching.

As they continued to be mobile, a bright light suddenly shone from ahead of them. They were rapidly approaching the exit of the dark cavern they were trapped in.

After emerging from the darkness, the girl in blue dropped off Shizuki and the semi-conscious Compa and spun around to face the cave entrance.  

With two quick strokes, the stranger threw two daggers at the ceiling of the cave and exploded within seconds, causing the rubble to fall on top of the Cave Dweller that was right behind them.

The creature was crushed and everyone was saved.

"Phew, that was cutting it close... are you two alright?"

The savior asked the pair, wiping her forehead.

"Other than a few scraps and loosing a few years off my life? Yeah, just fine."

"I'm fine too desu..."

A certain pink haired nurse muttered weakly as she sat up.

"That's good to hear. If  you hadn't texted me when you did, you would've been goners..."

"Thanks for saving our butts back there. I was almost going to- wait, text?"

Tsukamoto tilted his head slightly to the right in confusion. He felt as if he was missing something.

"Oh! While we were walking in that cave, I texted Iffy to come find us if we couldn't find away out."

Compa exclaimed, before taking out a pink cell phone and showed him a text message she had recently sent.

It read:

From: Compa Loveheart

To: IF

Sub: Trapped in weird cave with Shizu-kun. Trying to find a way out. Come find us if we can't get out desu!

"Oh. That makes sense... but how'd you find us?"

"Our phones have an app that let's us track our friend's movements. It's kinda neat."

The girl in blue explained.

"I see. So I guess you're one of Compa-san's friends?"

"Mhm, the name's IF. Nice to meet you."

The girl called IF gave him a friendly smile as she introduced herself. Shizuki returned the gesture with a smile on his own, holding his hand out to shake.

"I'm Shizuki. Tsukamoto... Shi..."

A dizzying sensation suddenly rushed over him. The world began to twist and turn in many direction, and his body became hot.

Eventually, he could not stand anymore and his body fell face first onto the ground.

"H-Hey!"

"Shizu-kun!"

Two voices called out to him, but they could not be heard. By that time, a certain blue haired youth had fallen unconscious from something overlooked.

On his back was a gash that had already closed up halfway, leaving a small wound that had begun to turn into a faint black color.

It had not immediately kicked in when it happened, but a toxin of some kind was injected into his body when the Cave Dweller struck him with its tail.

The world had gone silent for Tsukamoto Shizuki and everything was replaced with blackness.

Episode 1:

Welcome to Gamindustri

[ladyofmind]

January Hashtag Games

Chances are you started to follow me for one of two reasons...

1- You saw my music posts and enjoy listening to my playlists (a great reason to be friends by the way)

2- You found me through my writing, and likely one of those writing-related topics was a hashtag game. Which, was more fun than I thought it would be, so there will be more of these posts in the future.

I participated in 3 games, this past month, and pulled my answered together in one place now.

First up is one that quickly became a favorite, even if I was a latecomer to it...

#characterstell, hosted and credited to @m_arbanassi, not only set one of my favorite characters loose on Twitter, but it also made me think more about some of the other faceless faces in my crowd. It also holds the honor of being the first post I had retweeted, not once but twice. I can not tell you how much Sly’s introduction, and it’s retweets meant to me. After all, it is very easy to just like and keep going, I do it often enough, but to retweet a post about a name? Sometimes the little things make a difference to someone else, and in this case, it was like being heard even a tiny bit in my new little fresh grass patch of Twitter. All because of a character with a name I researched quite a bit to strike the perfect balance, in what is essentially just an Easter Egg type of inside joke between myself and the real Sly.

#CharactersTell

15/1- Out of all the chars, spotlight falls on "Ballentine Rajneesh Siyamak, but you can call me Sly for short." In an old-school fashion, Sly bent at the waist. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, and welcome to this fascinating club. Are you here for a milkshake?"

16/1- (Sly) "I strive to be neutral, and my own person. I may have learned some of the finer arts of socializing from Miss Tweety, MC to you, but I prefer to be my own man." #lonewolf is an insult to *someone's* sense of self. Prefers #observer or maybe #batman

17- As host with a persona to upkeep, I find inclusion with all patrons. Gus was a mentor, Malta and Frost for dialect or brogue, Deej's comedic antics (thunderous stampede interruption of Bebe, caught by Nira) 👈 they keep us lithe and in need of disinfectant.

18/1- I like big books and can not lie… You don't get a moniker of "Dictionary" for being a music catalog. I have had some spirited debates about lyrics and… (Mechanical bat draws focus, #dancing on jukebox to play @tapefive #BadBoyGoodMan) #themesong        

19- I have been informed that I used to flirt poorly, where the person of interest was not even aware I was trying. Former covert coquet, now I woo those in low spirits, but I am not looking for any attachments. Might still be bad at knowing when I am courted...

20/1- Hotheaded? That is never me. I do not antagonize easily, nor can one ruffle my feathers as they say. If you are looking for argumentative types, talk to Nira about a duck. Or make fun of Frost's kilt. Who goes looking for that sort of trouble anyway?

21/1- If by weapons you mean a sharp wit, brilliant wordsmith talent, and the ability to make some mean drinks with a well-received boozy milkshake? Then consider me #always #armed and #dangerous

22/1- You saw me as the big lug the wee lasses took pity on, and danced with. They loved how I could toss them in the air, and I loved the respect getting the attention of Tweety, whom my snobby friend couldn't, got me. More admirers didn't hurt either ;)

23/1- hobbies? I have a girlfriend now, thanks to that one bar night, but I fix cars and love that. #classiccar fan right here.

24/1- My parents are like any other really, mom and dad are great, had a bunch of kids, some have made them grandparents. Nieces and nephews are adorable...

25/1- Yes! I'm the second youngest, with 2 brothers and 2 sisters. We're all old enough to start our own families now, and I can't wait to either!

26/1- is a story about an under confident guy (with a slick self important friend), who gets the attention of an influential woman, who opens up his love life from there worth telling?

27/1- if you asked my social status months before, I would have said absolutely not, but now? Yes, most definitely yes. 😁

28/1- broken the law? No. I may have been seen as a nobody, but I'm a good hearted nobody thru and thru!

29/1- MC: I have never said anything nasty about her as a person; I just disagreed with the business practices…

Ant: She… looks… less yellow…, and I hate you now too for making me do that.

30/1- I didn't have a story when you met me the first time, but my story continued, and I could very well be a confidante. It's not like I'm single therefore threatening to MC sensibilities…

31/1- Are we not all Main Characters in our own lives? If you act with confidence and charisma, you become important to someone else. A MC in their eyes.

Next up is #authorconfession, from  @-jm-sullivan and @jjulien25

This one was full of challenging questions, like the one about playing cards, or famous paintings? Who thinks about their work in progress that way? Super helpful, and worth the researching to play along...

1- Hello, I am a #library worker by day, #writer by night, simply putting the stories inside me out on paper. Goal is always to finish books and see about publishing them.

2- Resolutions? 1- To stop letting bestie embarrass me so 2- have the cupcake, enjoy the cupcake. 3- Not spend as much on clothing and shoe- *giggles* nope, scratch that one.

3- My @goodreads goal is 5 books, but I am always reading when I am not writing, I just don't always finish a book.

4- I just started my platform efforts barely a month ago, so actually having one is the start of my improving it. The dream is finding like minded souls who like my work…

5- Improving my writing means I have to improve my editing, but like my writing got better with practice, so too shall my editing…

6- Proud of in my writing? That there are scenes that move me, also that my test readers find emotional connections to the works.

7- If Tink were Tweet? I'd have to admit to #magic, but height, and possibly attitudes are similar. Tink would have an amazing wardrobe though. #fashionista wannabe MC anyone?

8- Diversity? I think that I have each character standing out with their culture, or wisdom, the one thing that makes them unique.

9- Ooh good one. The antagonist hits a few rungs on the sin ladder, even with henchmen. But her driving sin? Pride.

10- Weirdest place… Airplane? My hand? Oh how about when I am the adult watching library study hall? Best is when the kids don't come in, but you have to stay in case they do…

11- Mucky middle, and possibly needing to rewrite already, to shore up a big plot bunny that will only get worse if I don't fix it now.

12- Victory has to be doing #NaNo and making my 50k. Proved to myself I can do it, now I must keep up the momentum to keep #winning

13- 💃💃🕺 +  🥃🍸🍹👙🎉  = 😊😘😜🤔😳😮🤯🙄😎😇

14- So many choices! Tweety of course, because she is how I started really writing… but I have loved chars from @Lynsay_Sands, @JennAllyson, and Adrienne Basso

15- Two day #wordcount since midnight is only a clock setting…. #amediting- 5786 #amwriting- 378 plus many uncounted blog or Twitter post prepping.

17- T is totally Sweet, like the cheerleader next door, but she can be so sassy!

18- Can you measure love? Because my chars are important to me and so I honor them the best I can by trying to be present for them and their scenes.

19- This is a great question! I'm not sure, but I know Tweet would be a classics woman. #Casablanca… with #BreakfastAtTiffany's being a runner up film.

20- Tweety, Bebe, and Malta of course! They are known as triple trouble for a reason… Just bring the Cockney/English translator and you'll be fine.

21- The honesty in the memories; that was the only reason he couldn't stop reading. #spoilers if I kept going, but it's so good…

22- Famous painting? #Nighthawks by Edward Hopper is more her life, but #MadameX by John Singer Sargent is more how she feels about herself.

23- Fear GIF? Something like this… https://giphy.com/gifs/CAfSQXZj9JLQA/html5

24- Only if it's life threatening… My gals are #tinybutmighty and figure out how to get out of most things, together or apart. No woman is ever that helpless… unheard and unheeded maybe, but not helpless.

25- I have to say Tweet is the King of Hearts, doesn't matter that she's female, she rules the roost with love. Also thanks to @thecardsoflife for helping me figure that one out on their website. Going back to define a few more chars that way now…

26- My SO knows he's Nira, and already has an understanding about my relationship with fictional Woods or maybe Sly, because what writer doesn't want a dictionary brain to talk to?

27- Karaoke? Most likely find her singing #BeautifulGoodbye by Jennifer Hanson.

28- My #WIP has been with me for a long time now, and I am always impressed with its growth into its own established setting with cast of chars…

29- Transporting myself somewhere else? Or just giving a voice to the ideas and chars I love in my head.

30- Writing progress in this new year? None, other than starting social media… But in 2017, I finally finished writing book 1! January is rough to balance #work and #writing.

31- #SparkleOn to quote #AldousHuxley from my advice wall "A bad book is as much of a labor to write as a good one; it comes as sincerely from the author's soul." So just write good, bad, and ugly words. Only practicing will help you find your way of doing you.

Finally, we have that which might have been my first hashtag game find... #WIPjoy from @simmeringmind

1- Naomi aka Tweety lives and works in a bar/nightclub trying to keep a business running among a cast of strange characters, all while trying to find her self and maybe a little love too.

2- 5 things I value? Family, #music, my lessons from #librarylife, my hubs and the support we share, and of course, being able to express myself by #writing.

3- Only the legendary myths remain, sharing the stories in the Red Letters series...

4- To finish writing my books and edit them as well, to hopefully query by summer… #fingerscrossed #hardworkahead.

5- Switching to the sort of Male MC for this one. To be a #famous #rockgod of course. Maybe with the #muse of his dreams too? #spoilers?

6- (stained glass pic) Something that helped inspired depth in my bar #setting

7- The big one of 2017? Finally #finished writing the first #book! Only took more years than I would have liked… Still proud it's finished too.

8- My #strength as a #writer? The feels or #emotions you get from my characters, and my occasional bouts of #wisdom

9- "A giant Scot and a tiny Cockney drinking beyond the point of drunk? Really? So far the only thing that I can relate to is being drawn to a fine musician's arse in jeans."

10- T and B for the win here. Who doesn't have that sort of extreme friend that pushes you out of your comfort zone? Especially loves to make you blush when you're chatting with something cute.

11- Cry? Yes… a little death and heartbreak can do that to you. After all, if you don't move yourself, how can you move anyone else?

12- 1- Character growths from first book, 2- More grown up vibe, no G rating 3- Multiple stories intersecting 4- The pool scene #waitandsee 5- The direction it's taking me on it's own.

13- Without sharing #spoilers, in the first book, there is a description of the bar that feels pretty magical, any of the parts alluding to olden days really.

14- Unfortunately, my poetry days are behind me, been a long time since I wrote angst-y rhyming couplets. Yes I know that's not all poetry, but the reminders… *shivers* nope, no more cutesy dark things, unless it's music, men, or clothes…

15- I beat the #writersblock with #music… It sets the mood, first by taking me out of mine, and then transporting me to the mood I need to #write in.

16a- If someone is going to try to own me, they can and will try, simply because I seem like the ownable sort. But they never will, not entirely, because they will never be able to take away my memories. #daring #note not yet in WIP L

16b- other creative outlets? #cooking, and I like to take pictures, but do not like being in them… creative in ideas, less in execution lol

17- #WIP as food- something that looks soft, fluffy, and too sweet, like cotton candy, but in tasting it, there is depth, balance and richness to the sweetness. So… savory cotton candy?

18- too many to choose, going today's currently repeating list… @awakeatlastrock #purgatorium, Ocean Eyes @billieeilish, and @jakeowen If He Ain't Gonna Love You  

20- It's brave because under all the fluff, at it's core, it's a story about a woman overcoming obstacles meant to break her spirits and still coming out on top… somewhat

21- Halloween of course! The costumes, the candy, *shivers and rubs a spot on neck, blushing softly* the memories are the best part…

22- Goals? Is it really wrong to want a nice looking bar façade that lets the girls make all my money for me? I sing to keep the customers coming, and to show off ;)

23- Frost aka "Ach Lass" "Ah drank wi' th' wee Malta, 'n' efter ye left lest time, th' ither lass cam in. Git cried Tweety doo, 'n' she stuck wi' it. Glad tae ken a'm nae th' ainlie yin wha sees trouble wi' her. Gettin an ulcer fae her ideas..." #badaccents maybe?

24- Dress for successful day, deal with kitty carrying #coffee, why is there always soapy water near the sink? Put out cupcakes, chat, flirt, dance, avoid overzealous types, have a deep chat while #writing, barely make it to bed to do it all over again. #barlife #businessowner

25- Malta- "A day 'ha' changed me life? Da day I me' duck an' Fros' ov course. 'ah can you no' remember 'he day you mee' a bloke 'ha' doesn' lose in 'he game ov drink? so wha' if 'e's a Sco'.. cuppa?"-handed tea before memories become another Cockney/Scottish debate…

26- Relate to her? Once I got arrested because of her, and had to use my blackmail to get off, I walked away to start over. Don't care about her, and don't mention her to me again.

27- Family? Why the staff here is my family now, and there are more memories every day. I'm sure we've forgotten far too many stories, but I will always remember the Handcuffs Halloween… It all started with this band performance in the club….

28- Try to go trad, or at least chat with a #literary #agent first, got to check the iffy legal issues are only in my head… Self pub is not off the table, just got to get ducks in rows. Still understanding it being #Women'sFiction now... bye YARomance, maybe next time?

29- Write for? Myself, the friends I have made that inspired this story, just found out a family friend's youth is into writing, so more reason to test the waters first... #experience that can be taught to the next gen writers.

30- Another line from my inspiring quote boards- "Be so good they can't ignore you."

31- Twitter @ladyofmind721, Tumblr- ladyofmind.tumblr.com/ and Instagram @ladytweet721 If you think I should be anywhere else, let me know! Still debating/working up courage for Facebook…

So I had a great month, putting myself and my work out there for you guys, let’s see where February’s games will take us.... Happy Writing!!