#the complications of love and the way it waxes and wanes in different ways over and over forever after

[boi-zizzoi]

Can we talk about the Ever After album by Marianas Trench? I just-- it's beautiful. I used to listen to "Ever After" (the song) on repeat for hours when I was in high school, and while I liked a lot of their other songs, I never realized the absolute EXPERIENCE listening to the entire album in order would be. The song I've memorized all these years essentially continues for about an hour. I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

[finishinglinepress]

NEW FROM FINISHING LINE PRESS: Eclipse by Sarah Wolbach

On SALE now! Pre-order Price Guarantee: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/eclipse-by-sarah-wolbach/

The #poems in #Eclipse illuminate the complicated history of a married couple over more than two decades. Reflecting both ambivalence and affection, the poems explore their early adventures and revelations and the eventual transformation of the relationship during the course of the husband’s decline and death. The final poems in the collection describe the wife’s #journey through the aftermath of his passing.

Sarah Wolbach was a Michener fellow and holds an MFA from the Michener Center for Writers at UT Austin. She lived in Mexico for several years, and later in New York City. Her poems have appeared in many journals and anthologies, including Comstock Review, Dos Gatos Press, Taos Journal of Poetry, and Yalobusha Review. She lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

PRAISE FOR Eclipse by Sarah Wolbach

Sarah Wolbach’s Eclipse begins with a dimming sun and ends with her “plan to be wild:/ Up-fall into darkness,/become a bright stone.” In between, she presents a marriage that cycles through simple pleasures, the depths of difference, and seemingly intransigent grief. Love here is as varied as the phases of the moon, affection waxing and waning, darkness and light in relentless counterpoint. Eclipse reminds us how difficult, yet essential, our connection to an intimate other can be, both in life and, yes, in what comes after.

–Thomas Centolella, author of Almost Human and Views from Along the Middle Way

In reading Eclipse, one is reminded of Kafka’s admonition, “Beyond a certain point there is no return. This point has to be reached.” Sarah Wolbach’s recount of piloting her life partner Roy through the final phase of a terminal illness plumbs the chasm dividing the one dying from the caregiver. Wolbach cracks open the dialectic between the myth of happily-ever-after and life’s reality, rendering a trenchant portrait of the self-sacrifice of love’s true labor. Wolbach’s brilliance lies in the startling frankness with which she describes the bewilderment and wonder that follows a complete collapse of reference and reconcilability, this collection a testament to the ultimate gifts of wonderment and compassion.

–Lise Goett, author of Leprosarium and The Radiant

Please share/repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #read #poems #literature #poetry #eclipse

[uriel-is-best-girl]

Fanart from two ships passing by @gerrydelano

[ID: a pencil drawing of Gerard Keay from The Magnus Archives. He's hunched over with his hands in his leather jacket pockets, his black hair falls loosely around his face and down his shoulders as he has a blank expression with a slight smile. He has two lip piercings, an eyebrow piercing, as well as several necklaces. The drawing cuts off just below the waist and there is crossed out text next to his head that reads Gerard Keay, underneath the crossed out text reads Gerry Delano. End ID]

At the start of ch14 there was a song (Wax & Wane by Alana Henderson) that I opened to listen to before reading, and then felt possessed to draw something about it. I haven't drawn something in this style or with this much detail in a while, so theres a testament to how much I love this story I suppose.

Currently going crazy over this fanfiction, and everything about Gerry, I'm up to chapter 13 and something in me snapped and I had to draw gerry, with his far off look and the hunch in his back that makes him feel smaller and it harder to breathe through his lungs. I would give Gerry the world if I could.

Just some more notes about two ships passing while im here: I love the different perspectives of Gerry and Jon on Miriam too, and the way it isn't the same kind of hurt that Gerry's mother brings. How Gerry can see things about Miriam that Jon can't, how their expierence of her is different and how Miriam isn't a bad person. She went about raising Jon the wrong way to foster a close relationship, it isn't that she didnt care, its just that she didn't express it the right way.

I guess it just really hits close to home how Miriam's portrayal of just messing up, not out of malice or indifference. And how eventhough she loves Jon, eventhough she never meant any harm, how she raised him still left in some ways a negative impact. Not enough for hate, but enough for distance. And I guess I just don't really see that kind of complicity portrayed alot in fanfiction, its usually black and white and its very clear the parents are in the wrong.

The cause of trauma is easily traced back to hurtful words and heartless actions. But thats not always how it is, the way Jon always worried about bothering Miriam about going places, about bothering her with things he liked. The feeling that they (the parent) doesn't want to be there, has better things to spend their time on, that just leads to stop asking them to go.

And the way it clearly contrasts with Gerry's wholy different kind of trauma without it being a comparison. Ughhhh, i have so many feelings.

[potteresque-ire]

Hi I posted an ask regarding your view point on GGDD's safety by people shipping them openly by bus designs, digital hoardings in their country and various other ways. I am not sure if you have already replied because I can't seem to find it. If not, please notify in case you would be interested in posting, there is no pressure or complaints if the answer is not affirmative. Also, I am hoping to read your piece on current issue DD is facing in relation to Nike. I am sure a lot of people enjoy your straight, detailed and analytical thought process and information presentation. A lot of people especially ifans needs to understand the perspective and position an actor or any national level influencer/celebrity is in when they are a citizen of totalitarian regime.

I would love to read, if you decide to write.

Thank you for your blog. It is highly appreciated and welcomed.

Hello Anon! I sincerely apologise ~ my ask box has been very full, and I answer based on time availability (which isn’t much) and “urgency” of the matter (for example, the recent post on Dangai/WoH skipped the line because it’s current). My whim too, occasionally and admittedly; sometimes I’d like to take a breather and talk about something a little more fannish and fun (like window cleaning robots!) Above all, I prefer giving delayed but responsible, or even no answers over irresponsible ones, given some of the subject matter I touch upon. I’ll ... probably have to write up an ask box policy at some point.

Now, my thoughts about Dd’s current situation ... or maybe, my thoughts about the things around it ...

I should explain where my highly disorganised thoughts this time come from first. I’m a Hong Konger by birth, and I grew up at a time when it was still conventional for Hong Kongers to refer themselves as Chinese, following the tradition of referring to the (believed) origin of one’s paternal family as our own origin. I’ve never, however, sworn allegiance to the Chinese government; the two citizenships I’ve ever held are 1) United Kingdom (Hong Kong was still a British crown colony when I was there), and 2) United States.

The distinction between China, the country, and Chinese government, as the country’s rulership, has therefore always been clear to me. You can love, feel a bond with the country, its people and culture and its 5,000 year old history, without having feeling anything with its 71 years-young government with foreign (soviet) roots. To quote Hamilton: Oceans rise, empires fall, and just the central plains of China alone went through a total of 13 recorded dynasties, during which its border waxed and waned, often splitting what is now Chinese territory into multiple countries under different rulership that sometimes split along ethnic lines—China, in that sense, isn’t even historically a country as we define one today; it’s a piece of land in East Asia where different countries have taken over, risen and fallen. And the major ethnic group, Han, which also includes the vast majority of the current political elite, wasn’t always in control. The Yuan dynasty (1271–1368) was famously built by Mongolians; the Qing dynasty (1636–1912), Manchurians. Beijing, the current capital of China, began its illustrious history as The Capital City for the non-Han based, north-of-central-plain dynasties of Liao and Jin. Liao people were believed to be either Mongolic or Tungusic. Jin people were Tungusic, and would eventually become Manchurians. Xinjiang (新疆), meanwhile, was only under the influence of the ancient Chinese empires sporadically, and its formal conquest / incorporation by a Chinese dynasty didn’t happen until ~ 1760, and by the (Manchurian) Qing dynasty. Its late incorporation is also reflected in its name that means, literally, “New Territory”.

What does this all mean? It means: 1) Loving China =/= loving the Chinese Communist Party;  2) Chinese culture =/= Han culture; especially the Han culture infused with “Core Socialist Values” as defined by the Chinese Communist Party; 3) X dynasty’s territory (where X = one of the ancient Chinese dynasties) =/= What has to be People Republic of China’s territory.

And by writing down these three =/=, which I’d argue are simply conclusions from historical facts and logic, I’ve committed an act of subversion in the eyes of the current Chinese government. Remove the “/” in “=/=“, and you’ve got three of the most important talking points of Chinese propaganda.

The sacred, un-violatable rules the Chinese government tells its people.

Why do I mention them? Because the scrutiny, the attack on Dd read familiar to me, and is probably familiar too to all those who’ve kept even a brief eye on Hong Kong and Taiwanese entertainers who work in China. When a topic that violates one of these propaganda points makes news (for example, the HK protest, Hong Kong/Taiwan Independence), entertainers from Hong Kong / Taiwan—anyone who’ve achieved name recognition—are often placed under immediate scrutiny by Chinese netizens to see whether and when they’ll confirm their loyalty towards the Chinese government. The argument is that only those who display absolute loyalty to the Chinese government deserves to earn China’s money, and the main motivation behind this scrutiny, in this case, is mistrust: Hong Kong, after all, is crawling with British loyalists and rioters according to Chinese propaganda, with separatists who’re conspiring with foreign governments to overthrow the Chinese government; the democratic island nation of Taiwan, meanwhile, is supposedly a rogue child who has escaped its mother (China) ’s arms for the past 70+ years—the child who, by the way, shall be brought to their knees (along with into their mother’s arms) by military intervention. Both places, in other words, are serial violators of =/= 1) and 3), and not to be trusted. If their entertainers fail to affirm their loyalty towards the Chinese government, or if the timing of their patriotic display is perceived as off, vicious accusations—similar to those Dd has endured—will fly, and calls for boycott begin. 

Here’s a related observation, while I’m at it ... no one in c-ent is really allowed to keep their political views quiet, even if they’re not particularly well-known. No one can say, politics isn’t for me, it’s too ugly/too complicated/doesn’t fit my image and shove it under the proverbial carpet. Under an authoritarian government, control is exerted via politics, via propaganda that seeps into day-to-day language. It’s an oil slick that taints and swims in even the smallest crevice of life—there’s no where to hide.

And Dd is far more famous than almost all of these HK and Taiwan based entertainers. 表態 — a public announcement of his stance — is the only option left for him when he becomes the centre of a sensitive political issue such as this one. And there’s really only one stance he can take.

In that sense, what happened to Dd isn’t something I’m too worried about—this kind of attack under the guise of a “loyalty check” isn’t new; and the motivation behind the scrutiny of Dd is the safer to-take-down-his-career rather than political mistrust. I believe this storm shall pass soon, as long as his team doesn’t make an unexpected, big mistake. His non-fan fellow country people will probably view him with a more positive light as well: he walked the walk and did what he believed is patriotic — breaking a contract like this is no lip service when in China, performative patriotism is often lip service — reportedly even among the top Chinese Communist Party officials.

If I must find more defence for his stance ... please forgive me, Anon, but I don’t have much more to say than what I said last night, what I said before about China’s access to information—

—because, admittedly, following, talking about this incident is difficult for the Hong Konger in me, even if I’ve expected this kind of incidents from the moment I joined this fandom, even if I’ve expected, as I’ve learned from RL experience, that most people I adore in China will at some point support causes that I deeply disagree with. The online patriotic rally by c-motors and c-turtles under the associated Weibo tag, while impressive and good for Dd, is nonetheless heartbreaking/frightening for me to watch. Why? Because I know this can easily turn into a call to persecute all Hong Kongers involved in the democracy movements sometime in the future. Because I know the rally will probably be as impressive if this has been a call to persecute all Hong Kongers involved in the democracy movements. Frankly, I stopped thinking about Nike as I scrolled through the posts — I was thinking about the now impossibly wide gulf that separates most Chinese and a Hong Konger like myself; I was thinking about why a Gg / Dd performance can trend on Twitter in 10+ countries all over the world but makes almost no noise in Hong Kong or Taiwan, places that should’ve most easily fallen in love with Gg / Dd with their closeness in language and customs. 

As it turns out, the closeness has only driven HK and Taiwan away; the closeness only brings them more insight of the beast—the government that looms over, cast a long shadow over everything that lives under it, including Gg and Dd.

I was reminded of the fact that many young Hong Kongers probably see me as a traitor just for being a turtle — young Hong Kongers who are n>1 generation immigrants from China, who never spend years reconciling the conflicting viewpoints, the even more conflicting emotions when it comes to this ... almost irreconcilable difference now in political beliefs north and south of the China-HK border. Unlike the older generations who often have immigrants/refugees from China for immediate, un-severable family, who often don’t have the option to walk away from the conflicts, to simply point to the other side and call it evil.

And here are my even-more-conflicting emotions: 

While, over the years, I’ve learned to harbour no ill feelings to the vast majority of supporters of pro-CCP causes—I reserve blame for those who conceal the truth, who’re involved in its policy making, or people who live outside the Firewall and should know better (such as every HK entertainer who’ve expressed support)—I’ve also learned, over the same years, to be fully, painfully aware that every endorsement is still an endorsement for the regime to carry on its ways, and the damage is real, is significant even if the endorsers may not know about the true nature of their endorsements. 

A simple thought experiment: the sheer size of China’s population means it can easily control the narrative on English-speaking social media. The Chinese government already has a history of mobilising its people to scale the Great Firewall and spread its propaganda on, for example, Twitter. It has also mobilised fan circles for propaganda purpose. Again, as a thought experiment *only* (ie, SJD!), imagine the Chinese government mobilising Dd’s Weibo supertopic fans to spread misinformation about Xinjiang.

Dd’s supertopic has 5+ million members—all savvy social media users and many skilled in the art of comment control (a collective effort, performed by fans to bury critiques/dissent on message boards); the total number of Uyghurs in Xinjiang is ~12 million, but their communications are heavily scrutinised and they can’t really talk. Just for the sake of argument, we’ll add the ~ 70% pro-democracy HK population to Uyghur’s side: that’s another 5 million, but most of them aren’t good at raging a battle on social media.

Which side will control the narrative in the end?

And so: I understand why Dd’s statement is what it is. I don’t fault him for making it. Still, I can’t in good conscience say to anyone, myself included, that the statement is a personal opinion and doesn’t matter. It matters a lot. His announcement is another stab to the Uyghurs, and the knife is sharp because of Dd’s social influence.

(Today, I saw Dd’s name for the first time in a Hong Kong pro-democracy online news site.)

The statement carried this sentence:

國家尊嚴不容侵犯，堅決維護祖國利益 The dignity of the country is not to be violated; the interest of our motherland is to be resolutely defended. Firstly: it’s character-for-character propaganda language. Secondly: even if we do not consider the labor camps, this is the condition in Xinjiang’s city of Urumqi. Where’s the dignity of the people who’re living there and who’s preventing that from being violated? The interest of the motherland—what kind of motherland answers an allegation of human rights violation with “interest” (利=profit, advantage; 益=benefit)? What kind of motherland has “protects its interest” being synonymous with surveillance and abuse of its own people?

I have a motherland, but it’s not the one in this narrative.

The issues of Xinjiang and the Uyghurs have also become even closer to Hong Kongers since 2019, when the fates of Hong Kongers and the Uyghurs became intricately tied—as dual examples of Chinese government’s human rights violations and indeed, these two populations who previously had very little in common have shown solidarity with each other against all odds. Their connection being this one simple, awful fact: both having what they value most stripped away by the same government—the traditions, religion and culture for the Uyghurs, the promised freedoms and hopes for democracy for Hong Kongers. As an online meme goes: “Today’s Xinjiang; Tomorrow’s Hong Kong” — expressing the fear that Hong Kongers may soon be subjected to the same surveillance as the Uyghurs today, for the same reason of having put up a fight against who they saw as their oppressors (this article offers an objective summary of what led to the 2009 clash between the Uyghurs and the Chinese government, which precipitated the former’s treatment as will-be terrorists today)(Note the role the US played in this.). 

As such, I cannot look away from Xinjiang. As such, I cannot look at our two beautiful stars, Gg and Dd, without also seeing the flag with its blood red looming behind with its own five stars—the biggest of them symbolising the Chinese Communist Party.

How do I reconcile all the feelings? As I said, it’s a constant work-in-progress, possibly a lifelong one. Re: Gg and Dd, that’s what I tell myself at the moment: that my being an i-turtle shall not sway my view or silence me on any sociopolitical issues, that my being a fan of anything, anyone shall not mean any other human life is suddenly worth less to me, or its suffering, something I shall suddenly look away from. The moment this becomes true—that I find myself depreciating human lives, or ignoring the pain of others for the sake of my fannish pursuits—that’s when I must leave my fan identity until I find my discipline (I do understand the lure of a happy fandom bubble, and I’m far from immune to it). I’m a person before I’m a fan.

These are the rules of my world.

我的世界不退讓。

[tipsycad147]

Beginner Witch Tips That You Won't Want to Miss

By Penelope Hughes

What are the Different Types of Witches and Which One Are You

There are many forms of witchcraft, and each one suits a different kind of person. Knowing which type of witch you are is essential. You will learn quicker and have a higher success rate if you lean towards your strengths and passion.

Hereditary Witchcraft

This type of witchcraft is passed down from generation to generation. When you were young, your family would have already trained you in their path. You would have learned family recipes with magickal ingredients and have a family grimoire. You will most likely have access to a Book of Shadows, which will give you an extensive advantage in your studies compared to other witches.

Green Witchcraft

A practitioner of green witchcraft works primarily with nature as their teacher and instrument. You will live in alignment with Earth and understand that everything living has a spirit. Your main tools will be plants and herbs. If you have a green thumb and enjoy working with herbs and plants, green witchcraft may be your calling.

The Faery Faith

This type of witchcraft works closely with the faeries (faery or fey). These are magickal beings such as undines, nymphs, pixies, or sylphs believed to live in the astral realm. The astral realm is parallel to ours. Practitioners of this craft will learn to work with the thirteen lunar months of the Celtic Tree calendar, and they will access different energies that each of the thirteen months holds. Green witches who work with the fey will often overlap their craft.

WICCA

WICCA is a religion that is neo-pagan and nature-based. Their beliefs are similar to the ancient Celts' religious beliefs. Wiccans do not have one single holy book, but they do follow two laws. The first law is the Rule of Three, which means "three times what thou givest returns to thee." The other law is the Wiccan Rede, which means "an ye harm none, do what ye will." There are many different sects of Wicca, and they all have separate traditions.

Kitchen Witchcraft

This type of witchcraft incorporates cooking into their spellcraft. The process of cooking and eating becomes a form of ritual. Consuming the food infused with magick kitchen witches release the energies from their food into themselves and the Universe. Kitchen Witchcraft is a calling for those who are skilled at cooking and enjoy working with food.

Chaos Magick

This type of witchcraft prefers to work with sigils and charged symbols. Chaos witches will learn how to enter a state of unconscious intention called a "gnostic state." They use breathing techniques, muscle relaxation, or intense emotions to enter a gnostic state to think and enact magick unknowingly.

Eclectic Witchcraft

This type of witchcraft is a combination of different practices that is unique to the witch. An Eclectic witch creates their path by drawing on their heritage, passions, and various types of magick. This type of witchcraft does not follow one single track.

Books for the Beginner Witch

One of the first things I will recommend to a new witch who wants to get started is to read lots of books. Knowledge is power, and you will not gain that knowledge by sitting idle and waiting for others to teach you.

I am always reading books and learning new things. I usually purchase my books, but you do not have to. If your short on cash or don't want to buy your books, check what resources your local library has. You might be surprised by the amount of information they have available.

The Book of Shadows: by Brittany Nightshade. This book is excellent for the new witch. Just understand it is not a real Book of Shadows. The book covers different types of magick and goes over how to cast simple spells. She does cover love spells in the book, and I would say love spells are very popular, but please be cautious with them and never cast a love spell with a particular person in mind.

The Green Witch: by Arin Murphy-Hiscock. I just finished this book and cannot praise it enough, especially if you are interested in Green Witchcraft. Arin does a beautiful job covering herbs, flowers, essential oils, and so much more than I expected. She has a handy index for a new witch at the back of the book that you can quickly flip to if you need information about a specific herb or plant.

The Wiccan Book of Shadows: by Ambrosia Hawthorn. If you are interested in learning about Wicca and its fundamentals and practices, I highly suggest the Wiccan Book of Shadows. Some books meant for beginner witches can be very biased or, on the other end, they do not offer much of a foundation. This book met in the middle for the perfect mix of a good and robust foundation. Another thing I love about this book is how gorgeous it is on display. When I got this book I knew at first glance it was not going to go on the bookshelf.  This is a beautiful piece of art that needs to be displayed.

The Door to Witchcraft: by Tonya Brown. This book covers the history of witchcraft through the ages and how it has evolved over time. You will learn about fundamental techniques, traditions, rituals, and ceremonies that every new witch should know. Our history is significant to know, do not forget that it was not so long ago we were burned at stake.

What The Colours Mean in Candle Magick

New witches will usually start with magick that they find most straightforward and the least complicated. Because candle magick is not as difficult or complicated as other types of magick, it makes sense that new witches would start with candle magick.

One thing you should remember when preparing to use candle magick is your candles need to be dressed. Dressing the candle is accomplished in two steps. The first step is exercising the candle of any negative energy or previous magickal energy. The second step is charging your candle. Neither step is complicated, but it will require a great deal of concentration and visualization skills.

Witchcraft Tools That You Should You Get First

The basic tools of spellcraft include the athame, wand, sword, cords, cauldron, chalice, and altar bell.

If you're a new witch with a small budget ( I know the feeling, I started in middle school), skip these tools and focus on candles, incense, oils, and herbs.

I would recommend forgoing the tools in the very beginning and encourage you to study. Join a coven, get some books from the library, join beginner witchcraft groups on Facebook (be safe when talking to people online, and meeting people from online groups could be dangerous).

The Athame: This is a ritual dagger with a double-edged blade. It will have a black or white handle that witches will paint or engrave runic names or magickal symbols on it. It is used for casting the circle, storing or directing energy during rituals, and stirring potions.

The Wand: The wand is the emblem of power, and it symbolizes the ancient element of air (some traditions believe it represents fire). Its traditional uses are to cast the circle, draw magickal symbols, invoke spirits, and stir cauldron brews. Wands are usually carved from the wood of the hazel, ask, rowan, or willow tree. Modern witches have had wands carved from crystal, ivory, and metal. I recommend sticking to wood but that's just my preference.

The Sword: If you are starting and new to witchcraft, you should not need to get this basic tool. Covens usually use it, and if you join one, they will most likely already have a sword for their rituals. The sword is used the same way as the athame, but it is considered more authoritative.

The Cord: Cords are used to store magickal energy for later use. A witch will tie nine knots into the cord to hold the magickal energy. When they are ready to release the power that has been stored, they untie the knots in the same order in which they were tied. Depending on the intent, you might untie one knot every night for nine days.

The Cauldron: The cauldron is made of iron and possesses great mystical power. It symbolizes the four ancient elements of air, fire, water, and earth. Its three legs represent the three phases of the moon (waxing, full, and waning.) Cauldrons are used for rituals, brewing potions, burning incense, and holding charcoal blocks, candles, amulets, talismans, and herbs. Be careful if you intend to buy a cauldron offline. A lot of times, they are a lot smaller than what the pictures make them look like.

The Chalice: A sacred goblet is a tool that represents the element of water. It is used for ritual mixing of salt and water, blending potions, and pouring libations (a drink poured out as an offering to a deity).

The Altar Bell: If you are interested in WICCA, they use a small bell to keep at their altar. It is rung three times to signal the start or close of a ritual. Other magick practitioners use altar bells to summon or banish spirits, dispel negative energy, and drive away mischievous fairies.

https://www.mysticalstudies.com/post/beginner-witch-tips-that-you-won-t-want-to-miss

[jovialyouthmusic]

Two’s Company - Changes

Drake and Brad go camping overnight while Lucy is away, and they both remember times past.

Word Count 3626

A/N No warnings, just fluff and very mild angst. 

9 Under Canvas

‘So, Lucy’s gone for the day’ Brad said as he bit into his toast. ‘What shall we do?’ Drake stopped shovelling oatmeal into his mouth.

‘You don’t have any official business?’

‘Well no, the doctor said I’d to take it easy after yesterday. No signing papers, no telephone conferences. Luckily there’s not a lot on and the council can take up the slack.’ He poured coffee for both of them. ‘That’s the advantage of handing more power over to the people’

‘Yeah well, don’t forget the ball next week. Lucy wants us both to go.’ Brad smiled ruefully.

‘Of course, the old houses will enjoy that. They miss all the pomp and circumstance, the endless round of balls and tea parties and ceremonies. Charity events are fine, but folk’s pockets are only so deep’

‘Says the man with a palace in the capitol, a manor out in the sticks and another one with a huge apple orchard’

‘Low blow, my friend. You know plans are in force to turn Applewood into a folk museum, and Valtoria belongs to Lucy. The Palace is a national treasure and will be open to the public once we’ve worked out the security aspects. I still want to hold official Council meetings there until the government buildings are ready.’

‘Sorry, just making a point. You know I never liked all the fancy stuff. I’d be happy just with a cabin in the woods.’

‘You know my family has been accountable for the prosperity of the country for decades. Letting go of that kind of responsibility doesn’t happen overnight. Change has to happen at a manageable pace.’ Brad looked at him sharply. ‘Don’t you think I’d be happy with that cabin too? I know the whole country will be thrilled to have a new heir and I’m not abolishing the Monarchy, but he or she won’t have such a heavy burden as I had when I was crowned.’ Drake snorted.

‘Hey, you need a lot of practice to be able to last a week in a cabin without me.’

‘It’s not long since we were out there’ Brad said, neatly stacking their dirty plates on the trolley to go back to the kitchen. ‘No food, we ate what we caught…we didn’t sleep under the stars, though.’

‘Yeah, and the tiddlers you caught wouldn’t keep a mouse alive’ he grinned. Brad scoffed.

‘Practice makes perfect. We could go down to the river to fish, take bivvy bags with us, come back in the morning for when Lucy gets back’ Drake remembered that trip to the cabin only too well, as he’d broken down under the pressure of waiting for Brad to remember Lucy on his own, and the two men had become intimate. He wasn’t sure if he felt fear or desire for that happening again without their wife around.

’You really should get together with Hana’ Drake remarked ‘She’ll be busy with the twins soon, but you should meet up before the Ball, see if it triggers anything. She’s become somewhat of a nanny substitute, so she’ll probably come help when our own little tiddler makes an appearance.’ Brad frowned.

‘Stop trying to change the subject. Are you in or not?’ Drake sighed. He could just picture Brad in pristine plus fours and waxed jacket wading into the river to retrieve his catch and falling in.

‘I’m in’

------

An hour or so later the SUV drove away from the river bank, leaving the two men to set up their gear. This time Drake had opted for a tent rather than the relative luxury of the cabin. Just like their last trip they planned to eat what they caught, but had brought a few luxuries to make up for having only canvas to sleep under. Drake sent Brad off to look for firewood while he scouted out a good spot on the bank to fish from.

Before long they were sitting waiting for a bite. Drake had engineered for them to be far enough apart for him to keep an eye on Brad, but too far to talk. The time before they had sat in a boat on the lake, and it had been difficult not to talk to each other. He wanted to be quiet, and thought that would be good for Brad too. Enough time to talk later as they prepared, cooked and ate their catch, and the evening and night under the stars stretched before them.

Brad’s rod was brand new, top of the line whereas Drake used his father’s old gear, put into store some twenty years ago but still serviceable. He’d stumbled across it one day when he was moving his own gear out of his boyhood room in the tower at the Palace and gone down to the cellars to put it in storage with some things his mother – and as he’d then realised, his father – had left there. It was well used but Jackson had put it away carefully and in perfect order, and he had taken it down to the creek alone and sat in silence remembering what he could of him.

‘That’s it, son. Nice and slow. Bring it in carefully, you don’t want it getting too agitated and escaping, or snagging the line’ His father gently guided his hand on the reel and helped him turn it slowly and smoothly. The fish wasn’t big, but it wasn’t small fry either. Finally it came out flopping and twitching onto the bank, glassy eyes staring as it gasped for its watery breath.

‘Look Pa, I did it!’ he cried eagerly, not quite sure what to do despite having sat quietly and watched him before. It was different now it was his prize, and his heart beat wildly with excitement and pride.

‘Good job, son. Now ease it off the hook – careful, make sure it goes in the catch net, don’t let it go. Normally I’d let one this size back, but you caught it, so we’ll eat it. Next time you can bring it in on your own’ They had gone on for his Pa to catch bigger ones, and true to his word they had cooked his modest catch later, before taking the rest back to his mother.

‘No s’mores this time, son. We’ll save that for another day when Savvy’s with us. Mom has apple cobbler for dessert – Prince Brad’s joining us for dinner while the King takes Leo to meet his new tutor.’

‘Can Brad come fishing with us next time, Pa?’ Drake ask as he trotted beside him on the way back to the Palace. Jackson reached down and mussed his hair.

‘Sure thing son, if the King okays it’

But that day had never come, and Jackson’s belongings had been thrown out or put into storage by his grieving widow. The two boys had each lost a parent in quick succession, and that common experience had thrown them together more and more. When Constantine questioned Bianca’s right to stay on with her children, Brad defended him and fought for them to stay, and when she fled to the States he had stood firm and enlisted Bastien’s help to plead his case. Until Drake left for college they hadn’t spent more than a few days apart, the only exception being when the Royal Family went on State visits. Sometimes Brad stayed behind, as Leo was Crown Prince and heir to the throne.

Drake’s escape to the States had been short lived due to the assassination attempt that had followed Leo’s refusal of his role in the succession. When Brad had married Lucy, he had slunk away to lick his wounds, and he had to say that time of desolation came second only to the loss of his father. He had lost his best friend and the woman he loved, and Brad’s solution of the making the Cordonian marriage legal again had saved his sanity and made him whole again.

Not that life wasn’t complicated now, he thought ruefully. But he was taking it one step at a time, and so far things weren’t so bad. Lucy was the shining light in his and Brad’s life and he couldn’t picture a future without her.

He looked upstream to Brad, who appeared to be talking to himself as he sat waiting for the line to twitch. It was good timing, as the line started to vibrate. Drake left his line and made his way swiftly to his friend’s side.

‘I got a bite!’ Brad said excitedly ‘Look, Drake!’ He shook his head. He’d been exactly the same on the lake. Every time he reacted like it was his very first fish, reacting with childlike delight. Calmly Drake stood behind him, and Brad leaned back into him a little. He reached around…

‘That’s it, Brad. Nice and slow. Bring it in carefully, you don’t want it getting too agitated and escaping, or snagging the line’ He gently guided his hand on the reel and helped him turn it slowly and smoothly, and as the line got shorter the fish broke the surface, wriggling and thrashing. It dangled in the air as together they swung it in over dry land and into the keep net, where Drake gently took the hook out. It was a good size, not too small and not too big. Brad grinned at him triumphantly and Drake shook his head, laughing.

‘You’re something, Brad’ he chuckled, his heart swelling with joy to see his friend so happy and carefree. They carried on through the afternoon before putting their tackle away and preparing the fish to cook. Brad was a little clumsy at the messy prep but he persevered and Drake let him be. Soon they were enjoying the rewards of their labour as daylight waned.

‘How do you think Lucy will manage the pregnancy?’ Brad asked ‘I know she insisted she still wanted – you know, to be intimate, but will that change?’ Drake shrugged, putting his empty plate down.

‘I have no idea. I suppose every pregnancy’s different, but she’s always been very - playful’

‘It can’t be easy keeping two men happy’ Brad mused ‘How has she managed so far? My memory’s not good enough just yet’

‘Well, we had been keeping each other satisfied when she’s away or sick…’

‘Funny, I can’t work out when I started to have feelings for you. I pretty much pushed them down’ Brad mused, and Drake blinked in surprise.

‘You mean – before Lucy?’ he asked incredulously ‘Before I joined the marriage?’ Brad looked up, the firelight flickering, eyes glittering.

‘When I look back and I try to be honest, I suppose I always envied you at least’

‘Me?’ Drake was amazed at his friend’s confession. ‘You’re a prince for fuck’s sake, why would you envy me?’

‘You had no obligations – no lessons in diplomacy, protocol or dancing. I wasn’t expected to be King, but Father always erred on the side of caution. I wonder if he realised Leo would never buckle down, but he was competitive, didn’t like to be outdone by his baby brother.’ He poked a stick into the fire, stirring up the embers ‘I used to sit in those long boring lessons about how to sweet talk diplomats and make trade agreements and think about you outside, or in the stables or down by the lake.’

‘I had school, Brad. I had to look after Savvy. Life wasn’t a bowl of cherries’ he said shortly ‘Bas did his best, but he worked full time, and Connie wasn’t that helpful at providing relief childcare’ Brad looked through the flames at him, a hint of sorrow on his face.

‘I’m sorry Drake, I didn’t realise.’

‘Yes, well. I suppose I thought you were enjoying all your royal privileges, so maybe we’re even’ They sat in silence for a while, but what Brad had said niggled away at him.

‘Is there any more you’d like to share?’ Brad sucked his breath in and moved closer to the fire. Shadows wavered, shortening and lengthening with the flames.

‘I’m still trying to work it out. I always felt – comforted – I suppose, when you were around. I wonder what happened when Lucy came along.’

‘Perhaps she fulfilled my role, replaced me.’ he answered. ‘I have to tell you, it hurt like hell when you chose each other. You told me you’d still have time for me, but I felt like I was intruding. I loved both of you in different ways and in the end I left. I hit the bottle, hard. It was Bastien who found me and picked up the pieces, then Lucy came to me with your – proposition’

‘Damn that accident’ Brad cursed ‘I was hurrying to get back, or so they told me. If Iwaited a few minutes I could have had a driver bring me back. I may have fallen asleep at the wheel – and so close to the manor. How could I have been so stupid?’

‘Brad, what happened, happened. There’s no point beating yourself up. Just accept where you are and let things happen naturally.’ Drake reached down to get his rucksack, rummaging inside and bringing out a plastic food container. ‘I thought we could take ourselves back to our childhood’ He said, opening it up and holding it out for Brad to see the contents. He stared incredulously for a moment, then broke into a broad grin.

‘Smores? You brought the ingredients for smores?’

‘I certainly did, my friend. Hopefully it will remind us of more carefree days’ Brad moved around to sit closer to Drake,  who handed him a stick. The two friends worked in silence, placing the crackers and chocolate ready as they carefully toasted the marshmallows. Their skill was evenly matched and Brad needed no prompting to get the confection perfectly toasted before assembling the whole thing. He sucked his sticky fingers before squeezing the sweet treat just so, the marshmallow and chocolate merging together between the crackers without overflowing or dripping.

‘Mmm these are so good’ he mumbled through his mouthful ‘I’d forgotten. Remember that time we took Livvy out camping?’ Drake chuckled.

‘I sure do. Bas had to trail us, make sure we didn’t get eaten by wild animals or fall off a cliff. She hated how sweet and sticky the smores were. She caught and skinned a rabbit instead, and spit roasted it over the fire’

‘So she did. How is she? Should I know anything that would be embarrassing to have forgotten?’ Drake shrugged.

‘She’s as tough as ever. The only detail I can think about are rumours that she’s having a fling with her driver’  

‘She always did have an eye for good looking staff, but I can’t see her settling down with anyone. Knowing her it will be a brief affair.’ Drake wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

‘Oh I don’t know, it’s been over a year now.’ Brad raised his eyebrows, getting out a crisp clean square of linen to wipe the sticky residue of their feat.

‘Interesting. I should catch up with her at the next council meeting. We go back a long way and I’d like to know how life is really treating her. She never was one for wearing her heart on her sleeve’ He laughed ‘Though come to think of it, that term is kind of appropriate for a fierce warrior like her’ Drake nodded in agreement.

‘More smores, your majesty?’ he asked, picking the box up.

‘No, I think one’s enough. Don’t want to OD after such a long time without them’ They fell silent for a while as the stars started to come out in the clear ink black sky.

‘I think I’ll sleep outside’ Drake said ‘It’s a warm night’

‘Have you ever taken Lucy out camping?’ Brad asked. He shook his head.

‘No, and I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think she likes her comforts to be honest – can you see her crawling into a tent to sleep?’

‘Ha, not really. She’s not fond of bugs either’

‘It might be a good opportunity to snuggle up – y’know, keep her safe’

‘I’m so glad I can remember how we met’ Brad smiled fondly. ‘All this is a bit like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together without the picture’

‘We, you got a few edge pieces and a corner’ Drake grinned ‘Now I think I’ll get my gear and settle down if that’s okay with you’ Brad smiled.

‘Of course. I’ll just sit and watch the fire for a bit. Do we need to keep it going?’

‘We don’t have enough for the whole night, so it’s up to you. You can feed it or leave it, whatever suits you’

‘Will I disturb you?’

‘Nah, I think I can tell you from a wild animal’ Brad laughed in reply.

‘Well thank goodness for that, though I can’t remember any dangerous beasts roaming the wood around here’

‘You never know. Remember Maxwell’s secret zoo?’ Brad nodded as Drake set out his mat and unrolled his sleeping bag.

‘Bertrand went ballistic when he found out. How he’d managed to get a live mink I’ve no idea. Luckily it was rehomed, and didn’t add to the Cordonian wildlife gene pool’

‘Are you sleeping out?’ Drake asked.

‘No, I think I prefer the tent. With you out here to guard me I’ll sleep like a baby’

‘That’s a term we might have to rethink in a few months’ Drake pointed out. He wriggled into his bag, balling up his rucksack as a pillow and lay on his back looking up at the stars. He was lulled by the crackling of the fire, a gentle breeze picking up every now and again and rustling the leaves of the nearby trees. The smell of the earth and the campfire smoke, a faint tinkle of running water from the nearby river all combined to make his eyelids grow heavy. He could hear Brad moving around from time to time, and drifted gently off to sleep.

--------

As Drake’s eyes closed and his breathing grew steady, Brad stared into the fire, triggering a memory of a beach fire, the shouting and laughing of friends, the swoosh of waves on sand. Lucy’s face appeared in his mind’s eye and he remembered her scent.

‘It’s my secret spot, so I’m trusting you’

‘I’ll do my best to be worthy of that trust’ The others had managed to start a fire and were searching for more driftwood, leaving him alone with her. ‘So what should we do?’

‘Jump in the ocean!’ her smile disarmed him and her sense of fun shone out.

‘Won’t we get soaking wet?’ As the words left his mouth he instantly felt like a killjoy. Too timid to let go, always the buttoned up Prince, now heir to the throne.

‘You’re not afraid of a little water are you?’ He looked out at the black water, moonlight dancing across the shallow waves, then gawped as she kicked off her shoes and set off at a run.

‘Wait up!’ He plucked up courage, determined to meet her challenge, taking off his shoes and socks and hurriedly rolling up his pants, rushing to catch up. The water was icy.

‘Cold!’ he spluttered, his senses coming into sharp focus with the stimulation.

‘But worth it, right?’ She spun around, setting off ripples that playfully splashed her legs and his. Something in him woke, bubbling and surging like the waves, sparking waves of joy and freedom and undreamt of possibilities. A broad smile spread across his face.

‘I’ve never felt more alive!’

The memories continued to play in his head – warming up by the fire, revealing his identity to her, the drive to the dockside, the boat trip to the Statue of Liberty, his sense of wonderment at her playful and generous nature, her fearlessness. At the point of leaving the Big Apple his memory faltered. What had come after that remained a mystery. But perhaps soon he would find out.

Looking over at Drake he felt himself grow sleepy and crawled into the tent, taking his shoes off at the entrance. It was just a three man tent, nowhere near tall enough to stand up in. Drake had taught him that unless it was really warm weather it was better to sleep in the day’s clothes if they were clean enough, in order not to lose too much body heat. He could change in the morning – perhaps he would take a dip in the river, cold though it would undoubtedly be.

He unrolled his sleeping bag and slid in, pulling the top up around his head. The airbed was deep and comfortable, unlike the thin mat Drake preferred for the firm surface and protection from rough surfaces and sharp stones. He had often teased Brad’s liking for the comfort of an airbed.

‘Princess and the pea, Brad – Princess and the pea’ he would chide with a shake of his head. He sometimes deliberately hid an object underneath his mattress and would gleefully reveal it in the morning if he complained of an uncomfortable night. He took it in good humour, grounded by being treated like a normal human being instead of the pampered prince he was. He grinned to himself, thinking also of Max, who would no doubt say he looked like a caterpillar or a cocoon. He would zip himself up too, and crawl around the tent until Drake yelled at him to quit it or he got too tangled up to move any further.

He turned on his side and curled up. Safe with his childhood friend outside and with happy memories to comfort him, he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

@sirbeepsalot @fluffyfirewhiskey @katedrakeohd @dcbbw @camillemontespan​ @kingliam2019​ @texaskitten30

[thedogsled]

You seem to be having a not a great day today, so here's a light-hearted ask. I'm having a good day, curled up in pjs with cuddly pets watching Leverage with my sister. Leverage is one of my favorite shows, because it's smart and fun and has great characters that grow over the seasons. Besides Supernatural, what's a show you really enjoy and why?

Thank you so much for the ask! I’m sorry I didn’t reply to it sooner, I’ve come down with a head cold and this is really the first day in several I’ve been able to compose more than a tweet about how much it sucks (swallowing = a knife jammed right into my inner ear, it’s super fun). But I did want to answer your question so I’ve been musing on it since your ask came in.

If it was just “what’s your favorite show right now” it’d be an easy answer: The Boys. The Boys, back to front, front to back, upside down and inside out. The first season was fantastic, and it felt like it woke me up to being excited about TV again after my interest in The Walking Dead waned mid-season. Everything new has seemed very plastic recently, and even The Mandalorian, which is super cool, is kind of like the Cartoon Network dub of Dragonball Z, so Disneyfied in its bloodlessness that although I’m enjoying it it feels even more synthetic as a result. The Boys was the opposite of that, and also just whoever invented Karl Urban, period, just deserves a nobel prize for that masterpiece. He pronounces twat wrong (okay okay it’s a dialect thing) but you can’t have everything =D

So instead (and because it’s cheating that I can pimp The Boys and wax lyrical about loves of old) I interpret your question as sort of like “Which show is your comfort food?” Which show do I go back to when I’m feeling like TV needs to give me a cuddle. I had a good think about it, because there’s a few…

(aside: I shouldn’t have put that gif in before I started writing. ahem.)

There’s been a few over the years, for sure. As a thirteen year old I used to watch and rewatch Buffy episodes, mostly season 2 (baby Spike!). At eighteen, it was old VHS of Deep Space Nine, my favorite ep was “Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night” which I watched repeatedly and think about constantly even today. 

But the show I keep coming back to is due South.

This post is a long post, it also deals with discourse (because my relationship to entertainment is so often mired in it, so please don’t proceed if you’re rather avoid it) and this is where it begins:

Okay, so fun fact: I watched due South the first time it aired with my parents (I was about 9) and then when it was on TV again as a repeat, I recorded it on VHS by RUSHING home every single day from school with nothing else on my mind but sitting on the floor two feet from the telly to watch it. Quantum Leap was on right after, and I had an entire different set of VHS tapes to record that on, so had to quickly switch between them. I’d stop recording at every break so that I could get more episodes on a tape. It’s not unsurprising to me now that both shows vibed with me as a young person who hadn’t yet really accepted that she was queer; due South’s main character is coded as Other both to the Americans whom he lives with, and his fellow Canadians, while Quantum Leap explores a straight white man jumping into the lives of Others, and living through them some of the hardest moments in their lives. Even though both keep it exceedingly, textually hetero, one has two men riding off into the snowy sunset together (leaving behind a straight lover to do so) and the other features a love between two men that in the original framing of the finale would have seen God/fate reconnecting the two of them even though one was lost in time, and the partner’s wife begging him to go.)

Of course young me didn’t give a shit about that, or didn’t realize that’s what she cared about. Young me loved the buddy-cop partnership of both shows. Young me liked the half-wolf, and the episodes where they ride horses, and honestly just waiting with bated breath to find out where Sam would jump to this time. “Oh boy!” Retrospectively, these shows (especially QL) are a lot more oh boy in a yikes context now than they used to be, but it’s good that shows age into yikes territory because it means that society is steadily advancing. Particularly, pointing out that these shows both feature white straight guys like…welcome to the nineties.

I was introduced to queer coding in part by watching due South. The show is laden with it. With writers, actors, and ultimately an executive producer who was all three, it makes you wonder if they would have gone there if they could; certainly the ending reads that way. They couldn’t, of course, because it was the nineties (and it was CBS that revived it after enormous international fan demand). Still, there was just nothing else analogous to what we have now that was going there on TV at the time. If you were queer (or discovering your queerness) then watching the show meant everything, as it did to me. So I snuggle up on the couch often these days and go back to that, because it gave me such joy, and because I was left with the opportunity to decide for myself how deep the relationship was. There was no promise of anything, because the context at the time was of course you can’t go there, nobody can go there. Queerbaiting was a word that simply hadn’t been breathed. There was no intent, no companies behind the curtain pulling strings going “Yes, make it more gay, we want those queer dollars”, just invested people slipping what they could past the studio censors.

Like this:

Sigh. A less enlightened time. =P (Incidentally fun meta here but this was after a conversation where Ray suggested that communication in a relationship should be intuitive, like breathing.)

So I guess in part I escape back there because none of that representation was ever as loaded as it is today. It doesn’t require me to judge it, or weigh it against the harm it does - because the politics of the time meant I thought it was doing good (retrospectively, and only through the lens of someone who had nothing to lose). It seemed to scream out into an unyielding universe to force it to move. It did a fraction of that, because of course it did. It was the nineties. It stole indigenous narratives and romanticized colonialism just as much as it beat the drum of environmentalism and kicked at the doors of corporate greed and racism. Old shows are inherently problematic. Today’s shows are too. Being able to examine them doesn’t mean not loving them, but it lets you say “Okay, so what do I expect from the things I watch today? What do I expect from the things I watch in five years time?”

All that aside, the show is just damn good. It’s watchable and rewatchable. It struggles to age because it was already so out of pace with the age it was made in–despite its flaws in representation, it was better than other shows at the time that demonized, tokenized, or outright killed minorities to push white narratives on their own shows (Kendra being murdered on Buffy, for example). It’s standalone enough that you can go back and watch any episode you like because overarching story arcs were way less of a staple as they are today.  It’s witty, fast paced, full of action and moral dilemma, do gooding and the consequences of it. Although still severely unbalanced, and very, very white, it did still have indigenous actors playing indigenous characters, and minorities portrayed in stories about them. There’s a dog. There’s classic cars. And it’s all put to the soundtrack of Canadian bands and singers. 

tl;dr ahead for rambling about subtext and being a disaster queer, but please scroll past for more gifs.

Queer me needed this show, in a world where I’d been taught to look and see myself in straight white male protagonists, it felt like A Lot to see all this on screen. It wasn’t, but it was all I got when I was growing up. I envy the good fortune of kids who can see themselves on screen these days while they try and figure themselves out (and hopefully more so in the future) with far less of having to negotiate through the confusion of looking at it through confusing fractals of different lenses and instead just see someone who looks like them showing them that their POV is normal, heroic and wonderful. Those lenses fucked me up big time. Like I’m not even sure right now what flavor of queer I am. I cling to bi like a lifeline of sense in my life, but it is complicated because I overwhelmingly desire the company of women way way more. But also I was was taught to look through the lens of a white dude in order to see myself universally, taught to be both desirous of the female body and humiliated by it, ashamed by sex, taught men were awful, and taught that I was supposed to marry one anyway. I look at my sexuality/romanticism like it’s a meta puzzle that I haven’t figured out yet, wondering how to put it on paper, how to break apart the different influences I experienced as a youngling and as an adult to try and negotiate if I’m misreading my own impulses. How I was brought up, who I’ve known, the relationships I’ve experienced and seen in real life and on TV. I’m 34 and I’m still no more certain. Subtext is both my friend and my enemy. I hate it, and I owe everything to it.

So when I need a rest from giving a shit about any of that noise, I go back to my comfort food. I go right back to subtext, which gave me the tools I needed to desire romance that wasn’t heterosexual, that somehow was more intimate because it relied on longing stares and never stepping foot out of the closet, that was just someone liking another person without any expectation of sex just because they have opposing genitals, and their colleagues hassle them a lot. There’s nothing wrong with the sex, I write a lot of consommation of the feelings that I see bubbling under the surface. I have even grown to appreciate het romance when it’s done in a way that doesn’t reduce the woman to a love interest–I was thrilled when Simon Baker’s Patrick Jane got together with Teresa Lisbon in The Mentalist. Their relationship was filled with subtext too. Subtext isn’t a queer thing, it has a role in all well written romance. Hell, it has a role in terriblebad tropey misogynistic romance, too. And just you know basically all storytelling (and more). 

Queer romance existing only in the subtext, though? It’s heartbreaking explicitly because it feels like a story that isn’t finished, and that’s where subtext reliant shows can hand off the story to be finished by fandom itself. In due South, as I mentioned before, Ray and Fraser jump into a dogsled and ride off over the snowy horizon to “Find the hand of Franklin, reaching for the Beaufort sea”. It’s where I chose my meta name, as I’ve mentioned before, because that ending - that ending - handed us all the subtext so far and said “Here, take it, it’s yours now. Do with it what you like”–and we did. But that was twenty years ago. I loved that ending (I still think it was a very elegant solution) and it was expected and appropriate for a show that in itself is a “Faves Are Problematic” show, but that’s also why I get so passionate about discussing the subtext in Supernatural.

It’s younger than due South. While it may have begun back when Willow from Buffy had her first girlfriend, it is ending now, not at the turn of the century where a dogsled was still good enough to get the point across and none of us had Twitter. My own experiences, my lifelong queer confusion make it so I feel pretty damn bad for people trying to use Supernatural as a medium for their own self-exploration, using characters from SPN as their lenses. A show these days that makes bank on those tropes and doesn’t inform its audience (positively or negatively) is doing so irresponsibly because of the modern context in which the show presently (not historically) sits, and the increasing awareness of the issues surrounding it. Networks, then, are ultimately responsible for that, but they are in a way which is entirely different and far more directly culpable than they were 20 years ago, because people are out there making money out of those intentional subtextual devices. They chose to do it; took a deep breath and backed right up away from Gamble’s problematic queerbashing tropes, chewed it over, then hired gay writers and dived right back in with more grown up, progressive, and less shitty subtext–but still subtext. 

This show that ended 20 years ago was able to cross way more lines with subtext in one episode than Supernatural has done sometimes in an entire season. It did so despite and because of it’s international audience, on a conservative network that would late purchase Paramount, and Star Trek, and ended with a powerfully subtextual ending. Supernatural, of course, is under a far more powerful microscope from the bigots than those oblivious to subtext back in the 90s could have ever produced. due South, like SPN was just “wholesome family entertainment” to a conservative audience that was completely oblivious by all accounts, yet was laden heavily with queer innuendo. It was also blissfully short, and existed in a social media world which consisted of Yahoo groups and not much else. 

In modern context, Supernatural gets a fox in the henhouse treatment from that same audience, and acts accordingly (when it’s not using that same subtext to deliver earnest Fuck You’s to that audience). While I expect Supernatural to bravely - even considering this scrutiny - deliver a dogsled subtextual ending on a good day, there are bad days, too, because the queer subtext has been underlined so loudly that everyone can see it, because it’s “practically text”, because the bottom line is increasingly more concerned with satisfying those bigots (even while they mock them), and because queer fans are “too loud” about what they want. How dare they. /s The pushback caused by being loud about things you care about, the bigots actually seeing subtext in front of their noses, isn’t bad because now they know what we’ve been doing all along, and we won’t be able to get away with it any more; it means they’re becoming more aware of narratives other than their own. Yes, some people will push back, but “when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”, and they can shove it right up their asses.

All I ever ask of myself when I interrogate my present day viewing experience, is this: when I sat as a youngster watching due South thinking “This subtextual ending is enough for me”, did I truly believe it was okay to be watching a show about two white guys with a subtextual ending 20 years later? Was that the future I dreamed of and aspired to? Would I be disappointed? The answer is yes, I am disappointed. No matter the whys, the fundamental and societal reasons–I am disappointed. I still love the show probably more than I should, but I am disappointed in the society it sits in - which is increasingly capitulating to far more powerful global financial powers than a couple of red state homophobes - and I’m disappointed in the way we’re treating each other for even caring, and I’m disappointed in myself, too, for being naive and imagining we would be much further down this road now than we are. But we are a capitalistic society, and being both the commodity and the customer should be a surprise to literally nobody at this point. It doesn’t mean you have to like it.

And if you don’t feel that way, that’s okay. We all come from different places. We have different perspectives. We need and want different things, for different reasons, and find joy in different things for different reasons. Variety of opinion is as much a wonderful thing as it is completely terrifying.

I’ve wandered somewhat off topic, so I’m going to go back to the show I love, my chocolate pudding and custard comfort food TV show, and the long stares and the beautiful uncomplicated subtext.

And sign off with half a dozen gifs.

Eye fucking:

Conversations in closets and bathrooms:

Going down with the ship

Intuitively understanding each other without a word spoken

His hobbies humiliate me in public

“Do you find me attractive?”

Sulking in the corridor while you reunite with your ex

This whole ep with original Ray:

And his wolf approving of both

Not pictured “I love you” “And I you”, “Get out of the closet”, actual hand holding when it’s unnecessary, formally handcuffing your buddy, getting stuck in an ice crevasse and a mini submarine together–and so so much more. I invite you to watch the show if you can find it (I have it on a really nice set of DVDs, but there’s some dodgy ones out there that look like they recorded the DVD straight off a VHS, so do check reviews) or else try and find it online. There was a Canada promoting YouTube channel which published both due South and shows like Slings and Arrows, which I recommend as well (It’s not actually bury your gays if the ghost of your gay best friend haunts you, right?) so you should be able to poke around and find a legit copy somewhere. I’ve bigged it up and talked it down, and wandered a long way off topic (that describes my relationship with every show, but especially when I recommend them) but I hope somewhere along the line I also answered the question. The way I hear it Leverage is a similar sort of comfort food, though I haven’t seen it. Sounds like I should put it on my To Watch list.

[theremainingwords]

These Writers

These writers have a different bone in them, not a funny bone, nor a wish bone, more of a feeling bone. A mineralized tissue that gives them some heightened sense of awarness, some connection to everything in their aethear no matter how minute. Things that the rest of us overlook, things we don’t see or hear or smell. It’s not that we have made some decision to ignore these details they just simply don’t exist, they are absorbed as part of larger picture, a feeling an emotion that we chose to indulge rather than dissect, to try and understand.

We all recall the magic of a first kiss although most of us settle to be moved into a warm smile from a few gossamer vignettes and dusty butterflies although these writers recall how autumns silver moon was waxing, how her floral auburn hair laid languid on the shoulders of the borrowed sweater of her sister and how hopeless promises were whispered over trembling lips. Yeah these writers are a different bunch yet its this bone, this sense that is never more acute when they are in love or in the golden glow of intimacy.

They met innocently enough. Like the highs and lows on the tide of a new moon sometimes these writers exhaust themselves. The same way the bays and marshes flood in earnest they too are drained wholly. They need to find a way to replenish, to restock. In some fashion they immerse themselves in creative things, in order to find inspiration. Some read, some paint, some escape to the woods or the sea, he always enjoyed the performing arts. When his words finally bored him, felt one dimensional, he would seek out these charming little actors guilds and hatbox theater productions. He always was amazed at the transformation from gym teacher to Hamlet or grocery clerk, banker to Estragon or Scrooge. She was part of such an ensemble.

It was a Saturday matinee, the moon was waning and it was late summer. He found himself in the back of a small chapel turned playhouse with a dozen or so parents and suporters and friends, some with a single flower anxious for a small town bravo. She sat patiently at the back of the makeshift stage with a few other actors, crimson hair the only thing more distracting than her eyes. As he took in the set and its hand painted backdrop and borrowed costumes and dusty props their eyes seem to meet more often than not. Was she in character rehearsing lines in her head and looking right through him or was there some sudden captivation as if they were both seeing fireflies for the first time? It wasnt until he looked down at the little program filled with greyscale ads for gas stations and diners and churches being nervously and capricously twisted and rolled that he realized this was tangible.

The production slowly dissolved into his fascination with her smiles, the way she emoted about the worn wood floor and the anticipation of her next bit part. Before long he was brought back into himself with sudden applause and bows and the tossing of roadstand roses. He stood and applauded although he heard no sound, he could not take his eyes off her. There were rounds of applause for the perfomers and the audience and the venue and then some announcements about upcoming performances and invitations to meet the cast, his interest brusquely piqued. He had to talk with her, learn her name, anything. 

They would share dinner weeks later, they discussed movies and books and plays and aspirations and first kisses and promises made in the dark. They fell into this silver kind of love that was as innocent and as complicated as that. It was one of these nights that this passion finally eroded all of their inhibitions, giggles turned serious and soft kisses filled spines with mercury.

This is where these writers are at home, all of this watching and listening and learning finally shines. As it is in writing it is in intimacy, a writer is only as good as he has felt and can make others feel. There is a connection that forms between writer and reader, something invisible. He found himself in and out of his story as he kissed her, leaving a silver trail of pecks ands piques. It was the most intimate of these things that he adored, eroding insecurities and unraveling fears. Anyone could take. That was easy. Lazy. He never understood the notion. The selfishness involved. It was never about self to him. He knew himself and it bored him. He wanted to learn about her. So he would find her. He sought those places where she came apart. Cleaved. And by now she was anxious to be understood. She offered up her story in reckless fashion and he devoured her. 

He timed his pressure with her breathing as if she was reading to him, telling her story. Her hips reading aloud, acting out these parts, these scenes the way she rehearsed on stage. He gazed up from his vantage beneath her and took a viusal deep breath. Closing his eyes he was never more acute, finding himself in tune. His head took him to all the lovers that she had flippantly dismissed at dinner. He knew there was a seriousness in each one of them that she would never admit. He was desperate to learn from them, in this moment it was the only way to overcome, to leave her better than he found her, to somehow make her forget all of the others. He flipped through pages with each ebb and flow, each wave that crashed over her washed away another chapter, crumpling paper, yellowing pages. It was not until a crystal air moved about the room that he knew he had reached a fresh stark page with which he could spill his ink. 

They loved. He sank into her and she into him. It was a beginning and an end yet it was between lovers. It was a connection between souls that have known eachother since before the first tides and when it overcame them they both collapsed into this chemical tempest. Him atop her they melted into one. They might have laid there for days in and out of consciousness, lost in hungover breathing. Coming back into himself, learning colors again, reconciling time and space he mustered a few languid muscles into action and found himself at her side. 

She remarked at his passion as her fingers explored his chest. In this glow she was intrigued as to what stirred him, from what well did he drink. In the light of day there is a reluctance to explain the words of night, out of context they lose their luster, become tarnished. He allayed with some notion about when he closed his eyes he saw things differently, more intently. This robbing of senses seemed to heighten the others. She wondered if this thing could be summoned. She reached for her silk top that had been discarded in the heat of the moment, slid it behind his head and blocked his light with a delicate knot. He smiled, she implored. Her voice, her insistence seemed to hang in the air. 

And even as he began to describe in stark detail the things that filled his head in those moments he was concerned at how they could be perceived. How with one misplaced verb or adjective he could upset the entire thing. He worked calculatingly. He told of how he approached her as a well written book, a novel and how the words just seemed to flow. He told her how with each twist and turn he was desperate to learn. How he loved to taste each chapter. It was at this moment he felt her move, the bed shuddered. He struggled to reconcile where she was in the room, had she left? The sentiment to overwhelming? He wanted to tear the blindfold from his eyes, flood his rods and cones with white light when he felt her heat above him. Her floral sex filled his senses. She was straddling him now. Lowering her sex onto his mouth as he pontificated of prepositions and pentameter and prose. 

“Did you know I too enjoy writing my dear?” her voice splintering the silence. She sank onto him and his mouth tore through her pages, “I am anxious to share with you my latest chapter”.

These writers.

[trolldomblog]

Moon Phases and Correspondences

 The moon has been captivating people since the beginning of time. It’s guided our way on the darkest of nights and pulls at the tides as well as our emotions. There are myths and stories about the moon from every ancient culture, and it is still a central part of many pagan religions and spiritual paths. Here we break down the basics of lunar magick into easy-to-digest chunks including the moon’s phases, magical properties, correspondences, and more.

The Magical Basics

The moon seems to grow and then fade over the period of one lunar cycle (one month). This growing, reaching its full potential, and then diminishing is referred to as moon phases. Each moon phase has magical qualities that aid the individual in his or her magic and healing.

Our Connection with the Moon

Why is the moon so important when it comes to magick and spirituality? The moon pulls at the ocean’s tides, and since we’re made up of at least 60% water, it has a profound effect on our lives too. Ever notice how certain people get a little loony on the Full Moon? The terms loony and lunatic stem from the word lunar which means moon. There’s a reason people act differently on the Full Moon, and when we tune into the moon’s phases, we start to notice just how much the moon affects us and our surroundings. It’s also thought to increase paranormal activity, which you can read about here.

The Female Body & The Moon

Just as the moon is reborn, grows, reaches its fullest potential, then wanes again, so do our bodies. For thousands of years, women have noticed their moon cycles (menstruation – the syllable men meaning moon/month) syncing up with the moon’s phases. This is lunar magick at its core. Just as the moon waxes and wanes, so too does the womb. This is why the moon is often associated with the Goddess in forms of neopaganism and Wicca.

Lunar Magick Correspondences

The moon corresponds to certain elements, plants, animals, and gods/goddesses. Feel free to adapt and change to fit your lifestyle, preferences, and needs. Here are some magical correspondences for lunar magick:

Herbal/Plant Moon Correspondences: vervain, moonflower, jasmine, lemon balm, cabbage, camellia, camphor, chickweed, moonwort, gardenia, grape, lemon, passionflower, turnip, potato, pea, cucumber, pear, peach, willow, poppy, mountain ash, mango, wallflower, rowan, cactus

Animal Moon Correspondences: owls, rabbits, wolves, deer, cats, moths, bats, spiders, raccoons, opossum, cows, frogs, dogs, crabs

Deities Moon Correspondences: Selene, Sophia, Thoth, Artemis, Diana, Luna, Blodeuwedd, Man in the Moon, Rabbit in the Moon, Khonsu, Inanna, Hecate, Cerridwen,

Crystal/Stone Moon Correspondences: moonstone, selenite, obsidian, silver, mother-of-pearl, aquamarine, gold beryl, topaz, emerald, clear quartz, coral, pearls

Where to Start with Lunar Magick

Many people don’t know where to start with lunar magick. My first suggestion is to go outside at night and identify the moon’s phase. Do this time and time again until you instinctively know what phase the moon is in. If you can’t see the moon or can’t get outside, you can also use a moon phase app on your phone.

Simple Moon Rituals

Next, start with a simple moon ritual like a cleansing bath on the waning or new moon. Add a few herbs to the water that correspond to the moon (make sure they are safe topically before bathing in them). On the Full Moon, perform a simple candle spell for protection or love, etc. The next time you want to cast a spell or perform a ritual, look up what moon phase is best and perform it then. Lunar magick isn’t complicated and doesn’t take long to learn. After a little while, you’ll notice your emotions and your life corresponds with the moon’s cycles.

Blue Moon

When two moons fall in one calendar month the second is called the blue Moon, and this is the month that we will use for our wishes. It falls in a different month each year, but it is a very powerful moon. The blue moon is always the second of the full moons in the corresponding month. We need to write down aims and goals for the up and coming year. Place them in an envelope and don’t look at them until the next blue moon. Dress your blue moon altar in the colors that correspond to the month it falls into, and place flowers and fruits from that month, also place pictures of things you would like in your life. Stay real here and keep it down to earth.

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January: Wolf Moon

Also known as: Quiet Moon, Snow Moon, Cold Moon, Chaste Moon, Disting Moon, Moon of Little Winter

Plan a ritual of protection around your home and family.

Nature Spirits: gnomes, brownies

Herbs: marjoram, holy thistle, nuts, cones

Colors: brilliant white, blue-violet, black

Flowers: snowdrop, crocus

Scents: musk, mimosa

Stones: garnet, onyx, jet, chrysoprase

Trees: birch

Animals: fox, coyote

Birds: pheasant, blue jay

Deities: Freyja, Inanna, Sarasvati, Hera, Ch’ang-O, Sinn

Power Flow: sluggish, below the surface; beginning and conceiving.

Protection, reversing spells.

Conserving energy by working on personal problems that involve no one else.

Getting your various bodies to work smoothly together for the same goals.

February: Ice Moon

Also known as: Storm Moon, Horning Moon, Hunger Moon, Wild Moon, Red & Cleansing Moon, Quickening Moon, Solmonath (Sun Month), Big Winter Moon

Plan a ritual to ask the Old Ones for help in planning your future.

Nature Spirits: house faeries, both of the home itself and of house plants

Herbs: balm of Gilead, hyssop, myrrh, sage, spikenard

Colors: light blue, violet

Flowers: primrose

Scents: wisteria, heliotrope

Stones: amethyst, jasper, rock crystal

Trees: rowan, laurel, cedar

Animals: otter, unicorn

Birds: eagle, chickadee

Deities: Brigit, Juno, Kuan Yin, Diana, Demeter, Persephone, Aphrodite

Power Flow: energy working toward the surface; purification, growth, healing.

Loving the self.

Accepting responsibility for past errors, forgiving yourself, and making future plans.

March: Storm Moon

Also known as: Seed Moon, Moon of Winds, Plow Moon, Worm Moon, Hrethmonath (Hertha’s Month), Lentzinmanoth (Renewal Month), Lenting Moon, Sap Moon, Crow Moon, Moon of the Snowblind

Plan a ritual to plant your desires.

Nature Spirits: Mer-people, Air and Water beings who are connected with spring rains and storms

Herbs: broom, High John root, yellow dock, wood betony, Irish moss

Colors: pale green, red violet

Flowers: jonquil, daffodil, violet

Scents: honeysuckle, apple blossom

Stones: aquamarine, bloodstone

Trees: alder, dogwood

Animals: cougar, hedgehog, boar

Birds: sea crow, sea eagle

Deities: Black Isis, the Morrigan, Hecate, Cybele, Astarte, Athene, Minerva, Artemis, Luna

Power Flow: energy breaks into the open; growing, prospering, exploring.

New beginnings; balance of Light and Dark.

Breaking illusions.

Seeing the truth in your life however much it may hurt.

April: Growing Moon

Also known as: Hare Moon, Seed or Planting Moon, Planter’s Moon, Budding Trees Moon, Eastermonath (Eostre Month), Ostarmanoth, Pink Moon, Green Grass Moon

Plan a ritual to physically plant your seeds of desire in Mother Earth.

Nature Spirits: plant faeries

Herbs: basil, chives, dragon’s blood, geranium, thistle

Colors: crimson red, gold

Flowers: daisy, sweetpea

Scents: pine, bay, bergamot, patchouli

Stones: ruby, garnet, sard

Trees: pine, bay, hazel

Animals: bear, wolf

Birds: hawk, magpie

Deities: Kali, Hathor, Anahita, Ceres, Ishtar, Venus, Bast

Power Flow: energy into creating and producing; return balance to the nerves.

Change, self-confidence, self-reliance, take advantage of opportunities.

Work on temper and emotional flare-ups and selfishness.

May: Hare Moon

Also known as: Merry or Dyad Moon, Bright Moon, Flower Moon, Frogs Return Moon, Thrimilcmonath (Thrice-Milk Month), Sproutkale, Winnemanoth (Joy Month), Planting Moon, Moon When the Ponies Shed

Plan a ritual to reaffirm your goals.

Nature Spirits: faeries, elves

Herbs: dittany of Crete, elder, mint, rose, mug wort, thyme, yarrow

Colors: green, brown, pink

Flowers: lily of the valley, foxglove, rose, broom

Scents: rose, sandalwood

Stones: emerald, malachite, amber, carnelian

Trees: hawthorn

Animals: cats, lynx, leopard

Birds: swallow, dove, swan

Deities: Bast, Venus, Aphrodite, Maia, Diana, Artemis, Pan, Horned God

Power Flow: full creating energy; propagation.

Intuition contact with faeries and other supernatural beings.

Strengthen connection with supernatural protectors and beings around you.

Power flowing from the Greenwood Gods and trees.

June: Mead Moon

Also known as: Moon of Horses, Lovers’ Moon, Strong Sun Moon, Honeymoon, Aerra Litha (Before Lithia), Brachmanoth (Break Month), Strawberry Moon, Rose Moon, Moon of Making Fat

Plan a ritual to balance your spiritual and physical desires.

Nature Spirits: sylphs, zephyrs

Herbs: skullcap, meadowsweet, vervain, tansy, dog grass, parsley, mosses

Colors: orange, golden-green

Flowers: lavender, orchid, yarrow

Scents: lily of the valley, lavender

Stones: topaz, agate, alexandrite, fluorite

Trees: oak

Animals: monkey, butterfly, frog, toad

Birds: wren, peacock

Deities: Aine of Knockaine, Isis, Neith, Green Man, Cerridwen, Bendis, Ishtar

Power Flow: full but restful energy; protect, strengthen, and prevent.

A time of Light; Earth tides are turning.

Decision-making, taking responsibility for present happenings.

Work on personal inconsistencies.

Strengthen and reward yourself for your positive traits.

July: Hay Moon

Also known as: Wort Moon, Moon of Claiming, Moon of Blood (because of mosquitoes), BlessingMoon, Maedmonat (Meadow Month), Hewimanoth (Hay Month), Fallow Moon, Buck Moon, Thunder Moon

Plan a ritual to decide what you will do once your goals have been met.

Nature Spirits: hobgoblins (small, grotesque but friendly brownie-type creatures), faeries of harvested crops

Herbs: honeysuckle, agrimony, lemon balm, hyssop

Colors: silver, blue gray

Flowers: lotus, water lily, jasmine

Scents: orris, frankincense

Stones: pearl, moonstone, white agate

Trees: oak, acacia, ash

Animals: crab, turtle, dolphin, whale

Birds: starling, ibis, swallow

Deities: Khepera, Athene, Juno, Hel, Holda, Cerridwen, Nephthys, Venus

Power Flow: relaxed energy; preparing; succeeding.

Dream-work, divination, and meditation on goals and plans, especially spiritual ones.

August: Corn Moon

Also known as: Barley Moon, Dispute Moon, Weodmonath (Vegetation Month), Harvest Moon, Moon When Cherries Turn Black

Plan a ritual to preserve what you already have.

Nature Spirits: dryads

Herbs: chamomile, St. John’s wort, bay, angelica, fennel, rue, orange

Colors: yellow, gold

Flowers: sunflower, marigold

Scents: frankincense, heliotrope

Stones: cat’s eye, carnelian, jasper, fire agate

Trees: hazel, alder, cedar

Animals: lion, phoenix, sphinx, dragon

Birds: crane, falcon, eagle

Deities: Ganesha, Thoth, Hathor, Diana, Hecate, Nemesis

Power Flow: energy into harvesting; gathering, appreciating.

Vitality, health. Friendships.

September: Harvest Moon

Also known as: Wine Moon, Singing Moon, Sturgeon Moon, Haligmonath (Holy Month), Witumanoth (Wood Month), Moon When Deer Paw the Earth

Plan a ritual of Thanksgiving for all the Old.

Nature Spirits: trooping faeries

Herbs: copal, fennel, rye, wheat, valerian, skullcap

Colors: brown, yellow-green, yellow

Flowers: narcissus, lily

Scents: storax, mastic, gardenia, bergamot

Stones: peridot, olivine, chrysolite, citrine

Trees: hazel, larch, bay

Animals: snake, jackal

Birds: ibis, sparrow

Deities: Demeter, Ceres, Isis, Nephthys, Freyja, Ch’ang-O, Thoth

Power Flow: rest after labor; balance of Light and Dark.

Organize. Clean and straighten up physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual clutter.

October: Blood Moon

Also known as: Harvest Moon, Shedding Moon, Winterfelleth (Winter Coming), Windermanoth (Vintage Month), Falling Leaf Moon, Ten Colds Moon, Moon of the Changing Season

Plan another ritual of Thanksgiving.

Nature Spirits: frost faeries, plant faeries

Herbs: pennyroyal, thyme, catnip, uva ursi, angelica, burdock

Colors: dark blue green

Flowers: calendula, marigold, cosmos

Scents: strawberry, apple blossom, cherry

Stones: opal, tourmaline, beryl, turquoise

Trees: yew, cypress, acacia

Animals: stag, jackal, elephant, ram, scorpion

Birds: heron, crow, robin

Deities: Ishtar, Astarte, Demeter, Kore, Lakshmi, Horned God, Belili, Hathor

Power Flow: to let go; inner cleansing.

Karma and reincarnation.

Justice and balance.

Inner harmony.

November: Snow Moon

Also known as: Dark Moon, Fog Moon, Beaver Moon, Mourning Moon, Blotmonath (Sacrifice Month), Herbistmanoth (Harvest Month), Mad Moon, Moon of Storms, Moon When Deer Shed Antlers

Plan for a ritual to work on ridding yourself of negative thoughts and vibrations.

Nature Spirits: subterranean faeries

Herbs: grains of paradise, verbena, betony, borage, cinquefoil, blessed thistle

Colors: gray, sea-green

Flowers: blooming cacti, chrysanthemum

Scents: cedar, cherry blossoms, hyacinth, narcissus, peppermint, lemon

Stones: topaz, hyacinth, lapis lazuli

Trees: alder, cypress

Animals: unicorn, scorpion, crocodile, jackal

Birds: owl, goose, sparrow

Deities: Kali, Black Isis, Nicnevin, Hecate, Bast, Osiris, Sarasvati, Lakshmi, Skadi, Mawu

Power Flow: take root, prepare.

Transformation.

Strengthen communication with the god or goddess who seems closest to you.

December: Cold Moon

Also known as: Oak Moon, Wolf Moon, Moon of Long Nights, Long Night’s Moon, Aerra Geola (Month Before Yule), Wintermonat (Winter Month), Heilagmanoth (Holy Month), Big Winter Moon, Moon of Popping Trees

Plan for a ritual to help you remain steadfast in your convictions.

Nature Spirits: snow faeries, storm faeries, winter tree faeries

Herbs: holly, English ivy, fir, mistletoe

Colors: blood red, white and black

Flowers: holly, poinsettia, Christmas cactus

Scents: violet, patchouli, rose geranium, frankincense, myrrh, lilac

Stones: serpentine, jacinth, peridot

Trees: pine, fir, holly

Animals: mouse, deer, horse, bear

Birds: rook, robin, snowy owl

Deities: Hathor, Hecate, Neith, Athene, Minerva, Ixchel, Osiris, Norns, Fates

Power Flow: to endure, die, be reborn;

Earth tides turning.

Darkness.

Personal alchemy.

Spiritual paths.

Reach out to friends and family, the lonely and needy.

Zodiac Full Moon Magick

The Moon spends a day or two each month in each of the twelve signs of the zodiac. The sign the moon is transiting through can be used to good advantage during spellwork.

Full Moon in Aries

A good time to perform spells related to job ventures and all new projects related to money. Also, a good time to develop strength and courage, and lust spells. This is not a good moon for performing divination.

Full Moon in Taurus

This moon is excellent for spellwork related to love, creativity, and inner peace. Spells done at this time take the longest to manifest, but the results will be very long lasting and be stable.

Full Moon in Gemini

The perfect time for spells dealing with communications, healing, and uncrossing spells. Be careful- the moon in Gemini can be unpredictable and unstable.

Full Moon in Cancer

Excellent for any spell involving the home, fertility, children, or divination.

Full Moon in Leo

Spells involving leadership, prosperity, fame and career are best done in Leo, but do not perform any spells involving love, or any other emotion, as Leo may actually counteract it.

Full Moon in Virgo

This moon ensures a spell which involves meticulous detail, especially spells involving education, healing, and stability.

Full Moon in Libra

Excellent for working a spell with a partner, and for magick involving marriage, couples, partnership, peace, and fairness.

Full Moon in Scorpio

Use this energy for mysteries, the occult, divination, and sex magick.

Full Moon in Sagittarius

This is an excellent time to experiment with new techniques or magick spells, but it is not a good time for psychic work or divination.

Full Moon in Capricorn

Perfect for spells to manifest life’s basic needs and for stability.

Full Moon in Aquarius

The best time to work on behalf of others, but consciously stay focused on your heart to maintain a higher consciousness with others, and to avoid selfish motives.

Full Moon in Pisces

Perfect for divination and psychic work, past life regressions, and communication with spirits.

New Moon

The new moon is a time of initiation and new beginnings. It is the time to plant a seed of what you want to grow in your life. Making a wish, an intention, a promise, or a vow is a common custom. It is believed that as the moon grows, that your intention or goal will too usually by the time the moon completes its cycle and returns full circle to new again.

The new Moon offers us its energy of intention, to rid ourselves of the negative habits in our life. The energy of the new moon aids us in ridding our minds and bodies of toxic thought patterns as well as eliminating toxic substances like excess alcohol, processed foods, caffeine & tobacco usage. Starting a new project, or discipline should be substantially less difficult to stick to when started during the new moon. it's important to come up with a ritual that has meaning for you, instead of trying to follow any set guidelines (unless your part of an established ritual group).  Astrology expert Molly Hall has some wonderful insights as to creating a personalized New Moon Ritual.

Creating a New Moon Ritual

Gather Sacred Supplies:  Your altar is where you collect your sacred objects -- pictures, found objects and the like. Using herbs with healing or symbolic properties adds to your ritual. Stones and crystals are another powerful ally. Candles are magical, and in its form contains all four of the elements. A small journal on hand allows you to keep a record of your intentions.

Preparing for the Ritual: This is the most important part of ritual, since your commitment is the key. Take a ritual bath with sea salt to clear your field of any negative energies. Sage is an herb used to clear a space and make it sacred for ritual.

Light the end of the sage wand and blow on it until there is a smoldering glow. Use it around your own body, and in the space of your ritual. Clear your mind with meditation, using music or just quieting down in your cleared, sacred area.

Grounding: This is something that's important anytime, for staying connected to earth energy. Signs that you're not grounded are mania, nervousness, racing thoughts and the like. Too often we forget to feel the earth under our feet. I've mentioned Starhawk's Grounding Meditation a few times on the site, and her tree grounding exercise is one of my own daily rituals. In a nutshell, it's visualizing the roots going down into the Earth, through the layers, into the core, and then drawing that energy back up through your feet again. It moves through each chakra, coming out the top and down around you. Try this or another variation of grounding before you set new Moon intentions.

Your New Moon Wishes: After you've cleared a sacred space and settled your energy, you're ready to set your intentions. Make a list of what you'd like to draw into your life and Dream Big! The new Moon is a moment to conjure what seems out of reach, and creating the vision is the first step to making it a reality. But these are not just words on paper. As you write them down as intentions, you are committing to doing your part to make them real. Some call it is co-creating, since you're opening to universal energies to set dreams in motion.

Dreams of the Soul: Your intentions come from the longings that keep coming up. In the days leading up to the new Moon, give some thought to those longings, and see what images, dreams and streams of thought come up. Use symbolic associations to go along with your intentions. Weave in the element for the new Moon and think about the houses and planets that are affected by it. For an earth new Moon, for example, you might plant seeds that represent your intention. Rituals are a way to work with universal energies, and draw attention to the particular life lessons, or arena (house, planet, etc.) that it illuminates for you.

Symbolic Acts: Here's where you get to be creative. If your intentions are to write a book, or broadcast your ideas out to the world, tie them to a helium balloon and send them off. Write them on a stick and offer it to the fire. To open to love, put lavender and a rose quartz in a small pouch, along with the qualities you're seeking. If you're inspired, add a symbolic act to your intention-setting ritual.

Keep them Alive: A big part of success with new Moon intentions is what comes after. Find ways to keep them in the front of your awareness. Put them in a visible spot or keep them in your wallet. Make notes in your journal about your progress. At the full Moon, find ways to take action on those intentions, and celebrate any signs of change.

 Waxing Crescent Moon

During the days that follow a new moon, it’s time to anchor into your intentions. Focus on one thing you want to bring into existence during this lunar cycle. To that end, practice visualizations and affirmations at this time. Write your new moon intention out clearly and succinctly and read it daily.

When the moon is "waxing" it appears to be growing, the period from the dark to full moon phases. It's magnetic energy assists with bringing things to out. This entire waxing period is the best time to work with constructive magic, or magic that builds things/brings things to us.

The waxing crescent is the best time for magic on yourself (or on the subject) pertaining to new beginnings, such as starting a new project or making plans for the future. If you're looking to conjure energies into your life such as a more positive attitude, more patience, more understanding in your relationship, this is the perfect timing for such goals. When you want to cast spells for self-improvement, such as if you want to improve your psychic abilities, to absorb the information in a new class, or bring out your inner beauty, this is the time to do it. Artists or anyone artistic/creative will find this the best time to cast spells or perform meditations that will bring inspiration and passion into your work.

Set an Intention and Tell the Moon

Many people will tell you to set your intention during the new moon, but I think the first days of the waxing phase are excellent for goal setting. I’ll use the restful introspective energy of the new moon to let my ideas marinate. Then when the powerhouse energy of the waxing moon comes thundering in, I’m ready to commit to my intention.

Once I have a goal in mind, I’ll perform a waxing moon spell around it. Your ritual can include anything you want, but if you need ideas, here’s what I do.

Waxing Moon Intention Spell

Go outside or near a window on the first day of the waxing moon. (This happens about three nights after the new moon phase.)

Write an intention (or a word that represents your intention) on a bay leaf and hold it between your palms.

Thank the waxing moon for being present for your ritual. I do this by holding my hands up towards the moon (with the bay leaf still pressed between my palms).

When you start to feel the current of energy from the waxing moon, bring your hands to your heart (still holding the bay leaf).

Spend a few minutes thinking about something that will bring up the feelings you associate with your intention. For example, you want to call in romantic love, so you visualize yourself getting asked out while you’re sipping a cold brew at your favorite coffee shop.

Next, open your eyes and light the bay leaf on fire. Do this in a fireproof container so you stay safe. Wait for the bay leaf to burn completely.

Watch that intention float up to the moon carried by the smoke.

Trust that the moon has received your intention and that it’s already helping you manifest it.

Thank the moon, and your spell is complete.

Come Up with a Manifesting Plan

After you’ve shared your intention with the moon, start planning how you’ll create opportunities for your intention to manifest. If you’ve decided to manifest a new job with this waxing moon, brainstorm some actions you can take to align your energy with that of a new job. You could apply for jobs online, ask friends for leads, carve out time every day to visualize your job or look for internship opportunities.

After you have some ideas, get out your calendar and mark the last day of the waxing moon. (This will be the night before the full moon.) Plan what days you’re going to do each action. Shoot for one action a day towards your goal—even if it’s just a quick spell before you go to bed.

Finally, decide on how you’ll celebrate the full moon. This can be dinner and a movie, tickets to a concert, or a relaxing bath with some wine. Pick something special that you wouldn’t normally give yourself. Whether or not you stick to your waxing moon plan, enjoy your celebration. You and the moon deserve it!

Let’s say your intention is something huge like writing a novel. You’re probably not going to accomplish that during the fourteen days of the waxing moon. It will likely take you at least a few moons to bang out the first draft. If that’s your goal, plan the action you’ll take during this current waxing moon. You could commit to outlining a chapter a day for fourteen days. Or maybe you’ll choose to wake up an hour early to write. After the waxing phase is over, you can think up some ways to use the waning moon energy for your writing project.

(By the way, if your goal IS to write a novel, put your laptop or writing notebook by your window so the moon can shine on it. The waxing moon is great for cultivating creativity.)

If You Need Clarity, Ask the Moon

The moon has been around almost as long as the earth has. It knows things. It can help you if you don’t know exactly what to manifest. You can access the moon’s ancient wisdom by simply asking.

Take a moment each night during this moon phase to close your eyes and send a question up to the moon. Something like, “What should I focus on tomorrow?” or “What should I create tomorrow?” will work just fine.

Imagine your words flying out of your mind towards the moon like a comet. Then open your journal and spend five- or ten-minutes writing whatever comes to mind. You’ll likely get your answer.

Ask for an Unexpected Gift

I do this every night during the waxing moon and it’s brought me so many crazy wonderful things—a new project, an idea for a story, a random check in the mail, a flirty text from someone cute. It makes me smile just thinking about all my moon gifts.

Try it for yourself. You’ll notice quickly that when you work with the moon’s abundant energy, magic happens in the most surprising ways with very little effort. There are two reasons for this. The first is the moon is already putting off a strong manifesting energy. It wants to send blessings your way. The second reason is the moon knows what you want. It’s been shining down on you all your life night after night. You can trust the moon to send some love your way.

Let the Waxing Moon Charge Your Magical Tools

The moon will charge anything its light touches with whatever energy it’s holding. For fourteen days, the waxing moon’s light will be sending out lots of joyful manifesting energy. Set out whatever you’ll need for your manifesting magic, and let the moon do its thing while you sleep.

These tools can include water, magical oils, herbs, crystals, incense, written incantations, journal entries, candles, magical card decks, or your cauldron. The moon won’t discriminate. Whatever you chose to leave out overnight, the moon will make sure it’s already to go!

You don’t have to make a big deal about doing this. For me, it’s like plugging in my cell phone before bed. It just takes a minute, and I go to bed knowing my tools will be fully charged in the morning.

Take a Moon Bath

In addition to charging your magical tools, you can charge yourself by taking a moon bath. To do this, take a blanket or a lawn chair, and sit outside in a place where you get a nice view of the moon. Hold out your arms and let the moon’s light wash over you. Feel its manifesting power as it lands on your skin and seeps into your body. Breathe in the light of the moon. Smell it. Open your mouth and allow the light to enter your body that way. What does it taste like? Can you feel its power?

While you’re soaking in moonbeams, take a moment to admire the moon’s beauty. Notice the light and dark spots from the way the sun’s light hits the moon’s surface. Look for shapes or figures in the moon. Observe any feelings that come up as you’re doing this.

Also, you don’t have to sit. You can dance, jump around, or lay down. Let yourself be wild under the moon if you want. I feel a juicy sort of energy when I do this like I’m connected to all other witches from the past, present, and future.

Maybe you want to go camping and sleep under the moon. Maybe you’d like to cuddle with your lover, your cat or your family under the moon. Experiment with everything you can do in the moonlight. There’s no limit.

My favorite thing to do when I’m taking a moon bath is to revel in the abundance of the universe. I’m reminded that there are more than enough stars, more than enough sky and more than enough moonlight for everyone in the world. What a great energy to bring to manifesting spells!

Invite the Moon to Make Magic with You

Go outside (or by a window if the weather’s bad) and actually perform your magic in the light of the moon. This could be a meditation, a spell or a tarot card reading. It’s a beautiful way for you and the moon to co-create together.

Be curious about this. Notice any unusual feelings that come up during your magic and journal about them. Keep track of the magical results you see. Are you manifesting faster? Did you feel a burst of energy when you lit your candle? Do money spells work better under the moon? What about love spells? Once you get familiar with the waxing moon energy, you’ll start to know what spells are especially potent when you team up with the moon.

 1st Quarter Moon

The Moon is waxing (increasing in light), and 50% to 75% illuminated.  This phase usually begins the 7th day after New Moon and continues until the 10th or 11th. It will be about 7.5 days until Full Moon (from the beginning of this phase).  This is the 3rd in the 8 phases of the Lunar month. The First Quarter Phase begins when the Sun/Moon angle reaches 90º and continues until the angle reaches 135º (when the Gibbous Phase will begin). This phase is the first half of the 1st Quarter (when the cycle is divided into 4 quarters rather than 8 phases). First Quarter Moon rises around mid-day and sets around midnight. She is brightly visible the first half of the night and can often be spotted during daylight hours in the afternoon.  The name First (or 1st) Quarter is used in both astrology/magick and astronomy.

The First Quarter, or Waxing Half Moon, is the time when energies are most conducive to attraction. Unlike the Waxing Crescent, which is best for going within and bringing things out, this is the best time for magic that attempts to draw things outside of yourself to you.

Use this time for spells and meditations meant to attract things you want in your life, such as money, protection or success. It's also an ideal time for attracting people into your life, such as friends, lovers and clients. If you're looking for an animal companion or have one that you want to bond with, this is a good time to perform the workings.

If you're looking for a lost object, or house hunting, etc., this is a good time to perform spells for success in that area to help you bring that which you most desire into manifestation.

How it effects your life

The deceptive imagery of fragility and hesitancy in the waxing Moon are long gone. She is brilliantly lit, growing rapidly, and visible not only a good portion of the night, but in day as well. Strong and prominent, she victoriously casts her light, and casts her spell of confidence and success. Yet she has not reached Full Moon, we are only halfway through the waxing cycle. She has achieved brilliant light, high visibility, and solid form - but far from reaching the goal. She has simply passed the milestone of uncertainty; strength and momentum abound.

Our visions and inspirations, mere vague yet exciting notions at New Moon have taken shape and gained momentum along with the Moon. Plans are becoming solid and real; our inner visions are coming to the attention of others. Excitement and enthusiasm are returning - things are happening, the vision is manifesting. We are shining brightly now, but, like the Moon, we still have a long way to go. Past the details and glitches of the Crescent Phase, we may be facing more real challenges. However, these challenges have a way of exciting and stimulating, because we are also beginning to see some real effects of our efforts; there is something solid to fight for.

How to make the most of this phase

The First Quarter Phase is often referred to as 'crisis of action' because now is the time to move forward. The vision was born during New Moon, it faced the stresses of development during Crescent Moon, and now it's ready to be put into action. Move forward, build momentum, and take action. The question is how? We've defined our goal and developed our resources. Now we need to refine the plan and act on it. We are beginning to see progress, take it and run with it. But don't run blindly, things are propelled forward with great momentum, and the key is to know where you're going, and how you'll get there, so you can make the most of this momentum.

There is a feeling of success, and a sense of accomplishment in the air. Yet the goal has not yet been reached, success has not been achieved. Many people will feel a surge in confidence (or ego) during the First Quarter Phase. It's all too easy to think things are going well, you are working hard, the goal is within reach. However, if you don't pay attention, and make sure all is going well, and that you are working hard in the right direction, that goal which felt so close could slip away before you even realize it. This is a time it's important to be sure of yourself (not only your actions) deep down. Confident and successful feelings based on the beginnings of accomplishments can be great. But they can be fragile. On some level we know it's pre-mature to think we've won the battle before it's over. But things are progressing so fast we feel it anyway - until someone or something points out how far we still have to go. That's why it's important to be aware of how far we've come, and how far we have left. Be realistic, make a plan, tell yourself you can do it – and do it. Don't set yourself up for a fall.

The Moon is in solid form and shining brightly. The energy level is high; so is the level of activity. The First Quarter Moon Phase is what we make of it. In the Crescent Phase, we encountered problems to be solved and things to be done. In this phase we take deliberate action. This is an excellent time for planning, structuring, making decisions and striving for efficiency and productivity. It's usually easier to develop confidence during First Quarter, so if you have confidence and self-esteem issues, actively work on them. This also makes it a good time for taking on difficult or challenging projects. This is a good time to begin a health or exercise program, organize, remodel, change routines - whatever will get things on track and moving in the right direction.

Take a decisive and assertive approach. This isn't the time to 'decide not to decide'. Things are happening, probably faster than you realize, and you want to shape the way they develop. Push for progress and be quick to take action. There is a lot of energy and forward momentum, tap into it and get things done. Remember, that others are feeling the same lunar energy you are. There is an active, confident, and assertive quality to the mood of most people. It's probably best to avoid conflicts, when possible, unless you want a confrontation. When you find yourself at odds with others, try for compromise, but remember the saying "If you act like a doormat, people will walk all over you". This is truer now than during any other lunar phase. Independence and individuality are important elements during this phase. Do your own thing, and do it well? Don't interfere in the progress of others, but don't let them interfere in yours either.

When planning important projects, you need to begin then within the growing portion of the cycle. Any phase during the waxing cycle is appropriate, but each brings a different mood and energies to your project. The First Quarter Phase is good for fast paced and highly active projects. Things began now tending to be more demanding, and perhaps a bit more challenging, than things began during the earlier phases, but also more structured and dynamic. Planning, structuring, direction and decisiveness will be necessary - this isn't the time for beginning passive or casual undertakings. This is the time for dynamic, active projects - for example, the most recent incorporation of Microsoft, as well as the initial release of the Windows platform were during First Quarter Phases.

In ongoing plans and projects, remember this is the time for action and decisions. If you have things that have been in the 'planning stages' for too long, this is the time to get them off the ground. In projects that seem to be at a standstill, give them an active boost. Look over the situation, and see what changes need to be made. Make decisions and take action. Look for ways you can manage your projects better, take control of your life - anything that falls within the realm of structured, assertive, or active progress.

 Waxing Gibbous Moon

The Waxing Gibbous is still a time for constructive magic, best used towards 'reeling in' that which you've been working for already. If you started a project and it's floundering, stalled, if you're at the point when the thing you're working for is coming into the home stretch and you need some extra energy to bring it home, the Waxing Gibbous will give it a boost.

This phase is a great energy for renewing your strength, will and determination to see your efforts through. If you are giving in to temptation on your diet, working hard toward something and feeling burnt out or are at the point where you're getting lazy and distracted from completing your tasks, give yourself a power boost during the Waxing Gibbous.

The Moon is waxing (increasing in light) and 75% to 100% illuminated.  This phase begins the 10th or 11th day after New Moon and continues until Full Moon. It is about 3.5 days until Full Moon (at the beginning of this phase).  This is the 4th in the 8 phases of the Lunar month. The Gibbous Phase begins when the Sun/Moon angle reaches 135º and continues until the angle reaches 180º (when the Full Moon Phase will begin). This phase is the second half of the 1st Quarter (when the cycle is divided into 4 quarters rather than 8 phases). The Gibbous Moon rises in the afternoon and sets in the early pre-dawn hours of the morning.  She is visible from Moonrise until Moonset.  This is the phase when it's easiest to spot her in daylight hours.  One thing that can be confusing, is you will see reference to both waxing and waning Gibbous Moon.  This is typically an astronomical reference, in astrology and magick usually only waxing is called gibbous.  What astronomers call waning gibbous, astrologers call disseminating.

How it effects your life

The Moon is so nearly full, you may have to look twice, or even consult an astrological calendar as we approach the end of the Gibbous Phase. She is brilliant, nearly round, illuminating the darkness of night.  Truly a breathtaking sight.  Her energy is so strong you can feel it as you gaze at the silvery disc overhead. She is nearly full.  Nearly, but not quite.  It almost seems as if she is poised, yet hesitating, taking a deep breath before her big night.  With time and patience, she proceeds along her path.  It will come.  It will be soon.

If we bring our lives into rhythm with the natural cycles, we find ourselves following the path of the Moon.  We are poised and ready, the goal is so near we can almost touch it, almost reach it.  Almost, yet something is stopping us.  We just don't feel prepared, or it isn't exactly coming together as it should. There is one more detail, or one missing element.  We encounter a last-minute glitch.  Something isn't quite right; something isn't quite ready.  So very close, but not quite, not yet.  Do we give up, after working this long and hard, after pouring so much energy into it in the First Quarter Phase?  Not if we are following the Moon's path; not if we are following her example and flowing with her energy.  We continue, certain that it will happen, it will come, and it will be soon.

How to make the most of this phase

Look at the Moon and feel the Moon.  Draw from, join in her strength and certainty.  The Gibbous Phase holds a great deal of power and potential.  It may take some patience and determination to tap into it.  We find ourselves at the precarious point of being very close to a goal. The vision born at New moon is nearly materialized.  We may think we've made it.  Then something comes up, but don't look at it as a bad thing.  This phase is about refining, fine-tuning, and tuning in. What you have begun may seem ready, but it can be better.  Challenges, really, are always opportunities in disguise.  But this is truer than ever during the Gibbous Phase.  When you find yourself encountering glitches in your plans, realize that it is fortunate they were discovered at this stage, and most likely the result will be improving and enriching your endeavors.

Impatience is so strong you can feel it in the air during Gibbous Phase. Yet patience is one of your best allies.  However, this isn't the sit quietly and wait type patience.  This phase call for having the patience to do things right, analyze, refine, strengthen, perfect…  There is far too much to do for idly waiting, or for rushing it too fast.  Be careful, be certain, take criticism as constructive (even if it's not intended that way).   Just watch the Moon, taking her time, developing the perfect form to create a spectacular display when the moment has come, and not before.  Follow her lead, and as always, you won't go wrong.

The vision was born at New Moon.  It has developed, strengthened through the phases and made great leaps forward during First Quarter Moon.  Now it is on the brink of manifestation.  If there was ever a bad time to give up, this is it!  Work on solidifying your plans, and double check everything.  Take advantage of the analytical and refining tendencies of this phase for anything that you need to revise.  This is a good time for any kind of precision work or reviewing and fine-tuning.

The Gibbous Phase is a good time for reviving what has been let slide. If you have (good) habits and routines you've strayed from, this is the time to work on getting them back. Skills and knowledge can get foggy too. If you have things you’ve learned, but haven't studied in a while, or skills you haven't practiced in some time, use this phase to 'brush-up'.  You will find it comes back more easily than you think.  This can also be a good time for developing natural talents.  If you have flair for art (as an example), but have never tried to fine-tune your skills, this is a good time for it.

Though we have nearly reached Full Moon, the light is still increasing, we are still in the waxing, growing portion of the cycle.  It is still an appropriate time to start a project or launch something new.  Unless you want to encounter the resistance of trying to promote growth in something with ingrained diminishing tendencies, this is your last chance (or wait a couple weeks before the next cycle).  Therefore, most often, the kinds of things we begin during this phase ore those we have been procrastinating on, rather than things that were planned and targeted for launching in this phase.  If you don't want new beginnings during waning Moon, and haven't got around to starting it yet, it's now or never.  Not really never, but you'll have to wait a couple of weeks.  

We have a tendency (it's human nature) to easily avoid and procrastinate, but if we're running out of time, we suddenly become ready and impatient. You can call it synchronicity; you didn't plan it this way, yet this kind of energy fits well with the gibbous phase.  As Full Moon is so very near, there is a feeling of impatience in the air.  As so many things are almost complete, but not quite ready, there is a natural "mad rush' of sorts.  So, if you find yourself frantically scrambling to launch something that you hadn't got around to, yet suddenly can't wait for, don't feel that you've gotten out of tune.  However, do inject some logic before you get carried away.  Ask yourself a few questions.  Can it wait until the next cycle?  If so, are you actually ready; how much could it benefit from more preparation time?

Like the other phases the Gibbous Phase will bring its own, unique energy and inclination to thing began now (whether this is when you planned the launch, or it was a last-minute impulse).  Things began during the Gibbous Phase are likely to need refining, and fine-tuning.  There is a tendency to perpetually seek improvement.  This is a good time for launching things that are really a rough idea, the refining, perfecting, and tweaking will come quite naturally.  It's also a good time for beginning generally analytical, or highly detail-oriented projects.

 Full Moon

When the Earth is caught between the moon and the sun, the result is the Full Moon bearing the most powerful energies of the lunar cycle. The Full Moon is often seen by people as 'all purpose'—its energies are prismatic in that it flows into all areas and needs, be it constructive or destructive.

Even more so than the Dark Moon, the Full Moon is a time you would utilize for extra power when you're facing very difficult challenges. This is not just for minor mundane tasks, such as looking for the energy to reorganize your closet or trying to clear negativity out of the house after an argument; this is a time to reserve for those important things in your life that need major changes or major boosts.

While you can plan spells for anything, utilize this energy for your priorities that really matter in your life, like if you need to win a court case, or find a new job with better pay to prevent you from losing your home.

Magics and meditations revolving around spirituality, psychic development, dreams and divination are particularly well times for the Full Moon.

The Moon is now waning (decreasing in light), and 100% to 75% illuminated. This phase lasts about 3.5 days following Full Moon. It will be about 14.75 days until the next New Moon (from the beginning of this phase). This is the 5th in the 8 phases of the Lunar month. The Full Moon Phase begins at Full Moon, when the Sun/Moon angle reaches 180º, and continues until the angle reaches 225º (when the Disseminating Moon Phase will begin). This phase is the first half of the Full Moon Quarter. The Full Moon rises at Sunset and sets at Sunrise. She is visible throughout the night.  The name Full Moon is used in both astrology/magick and astronomy.

How it effects your life

Half the Lunar cycle has been spent striving for this point. The Full Moon, in all her splendid glory shines brilliantly in the night sky, the earth glows with her divine silver light. The shadows seem vibrant and alive. It is a breathtaking sight, enlightening and mysterious. The darkness of night is illuminated, yet there is much we sense and cannot see. The light of the Moon, along with her power, has reached a peak. We see it, we feel it. The level of energy is higher on Full Moon than any other time of the month.

The Sun illuminates the Moon; she transforms and reflects his light upon the Earth. The illuminated Earth transforms and reflects her light, producing a mystical, silvery glow. These energies of illumination and reflection are ingrained into the phase of Full Moon. We reflect upon our lives and selves, we see more deeply into our own souls, as well as others. We are drawn to the illusive and mysterious.

The power of the Moon is unmistakable, tangible. We see it, feel it, and sense it. We feel our own power, and the power of the world around us. The moon is the natural astrological ruler of emotions. When she is riding high, so are our emotions. We aren't happy, we're elated; we aren't mad, we're furious; we aren't interested, we're excited; we aren't sad, we're depressed. This is a powerful time, of excess and extremes, which can manifest in a positive or negative way.

How to make the most of this phase

Full Moon is one of the most powerful and influential times in the natural cycle, and probably the most widely accepted (even by many skeptics) proof of astrological influence on our lives. Everyone has seen and felt the effects, firsthand. There is an out-of-control tendency that can make it difficult to harness this energy. The first step is awareness. Don't enter this phase unaware of and out of touch with your emotions, or you likely won't know what to do when the emotional high tide comes. Make sure you have used the waxing phases to learn, grow, build and structure. If you approach Full Moon feeling like your life is spinning out of control, it just might.

Although we are only halfway through the entire Lunar Cycle, there is a feeling of culmination. A goal has been reached. The building, evolving, waxing light of the past couple of weeks has manifested. And what a spectacular manifestation it is! You will find things you have worked on and built coming together at this time. Remember the vague visions of New Moon? Now illuminated, we can see them clearly. If they have survived, and you have put the effort into them, they are now a manifestation. Realistically, few goals are reached, or projects completed in a couple of weeks’ times. However, there is a sense of completion and manifestation in some form. Perhaps the idea is just becoming a solid plan, or one phase of a project is completed. Whatever the case, even if it seems to be only in your own perspective, things are more real and solid. Something has been achieved. If you have been going in the wrong directions, you will see the results of that be manifested into solid form as well. Preparation and the right mind frame are key in successful, productive use of this notorious Moon Phase.

The Moon has reached her peak; from the moment of Full Moon the light will begin decreasing. The period of growth and time for beginnings is past. This is the most active period of change. This time can be useful for changing or breaking habits and routines. Bring things to an end, where needed. This is also a highly creative time, with endless poems, songs, and works of art using Full Moon as a subject, demonstrating the point. Make use of the creative influence for artistic endeavors, or creative thinking. Just be careful of coming to firm decisions fight now (especially on the day of Full Moon), as logic isn't necessarily a strong point right now.

There are many dark corners in our lives, and ourselves, both small and large scale. In 'dark corners' I don't necessarily mean negative things, these are (at least partially) hidden or unnoticed things. With Full Moon, comes light, allowing us to see in those normally invisible, dark corners - just as the brilliant Moonlight allows us to see in the normally dark night. Use this time to take a closer look at things, see hidden potential, look for mistakes, and find opportunities. You can also get a clear insight into yourself, as your emotions are much stronger than usual.

As energy and emotions run high, arguments and conflicts are more likely at Full Moon. Although often difficult, compromise is important. In astrological terms, this is an opposition; the Sun is in the opposite position of the Moon. We often find ourselves completely at odds with someone else. It's important to remember, that this can be quite valuable, useful or informative. Opposite can manifest in different ways. When you look in a mirror, the image you see reflected is opposite the actual image yet reflects it accurately. When you encounter opposition, ask yourself if, in some way, it reflects aspects of yourself or your situations you have not been seeing. Other times, these conflicts can provide valuable insight or information. True, absolute opposites each have elements the other is missing. When you encounter opposition ask yourself if this person or event is giving you information and understanding that you have overlooked and could make your approach completer and more balanced.

It is no longer a good time for beginnings, the flow of energy is shifting. Full Moon is the balance point, or imbalance as it may be, in between waxing and waning. She is neither growing nor shrinking, she is full 100% illuminated. For an instant, a fleeting moment, there is total fulfillment, completion, achievement, and illumination. After that moment, the light is waning, slowly and gradually. This phase carries the energy of the moment of Full Moon, as well as the first gradual steps into the waning portion of the cycle. This is a good time for completing long-term projects or completing a phase of them.

This can be a good time for public displays, drawing attention, or presentations. There is a high energy, and highly emotional quality to Full Moon, so don't draw attention to potentially controversial things, unless you want a controversy. This is a time for putting on a show and getting a dramatic response.

The other, quite obvious factor in the influences this phase brings is, of course, light. It's a good time for evaluation, as things are illuminated figuratively, as well as literally. As we enter the waning phase, there is necessary decreasing and endings. Take a good look at your important projects and plans. Where are you stretching yourself, or your resources too thin? This is the time to begin 'weeding out' the unnecessary. There is a focus on excesses right now, and if you can step back and be objective (so that you aren't inclined to go to excesses) it is a good time for spotting excesses.

 Waning Gibbous Moon

After the Full Moon peaks, we enter the waning half of the lunar cycle. Waning energies repel rather than attract, so it's a good time to begin working on spells to get rid of things.

Minor banishing’s can begin with the Waning Gibbous. This is a good time for general cleansings to upkeep your home, office, garden or any of your personal spaces, etc., to keep things from mounting up. This is also a good time to cleanse any personal objects you may have, such as your jewelry or magical tools. Think of this more like routine dusting-- there's no major build-up, you're just trying to keep things clear to prevent problems.

If you have something for which you need closure, or if you're ready to end something in your life (such as an unfulfilling relationship or unsatisfying business venture), this is a good time for spells to bring things to their fruition.

As for meditations and divination, rather than looking to the future or on to new things, it's a good time for introspection. Where have your previous attitudes and actions brought you? What things in your life have been affecting you most? Are you happy with where you are? Do you need to make any attitude or behavior adjustments?

The Moon is waning (decreasing in light), and 75% to 50% illuminated. It begins the 3rd or 4th day after Full Moon and lasts into the 7th day. It is about 11 days until New Moon (from the beginning of this phase). This is the 6th in the 8 phases of the Lunar month. The Disseminating Phase begins when the Sun/Moon angle reaches 225º and continues until the angle reaches 270º (when the Third Quarter Moon Phase will begin). This phase is the second half of the Full Moon Quarter. The Disseminating Moon rises in late evening, a couple of hours after Sunset, and sets in late midmorning, a couple of hours after Sunrise. She is easily visible from Moonrise until Moonset. In astrology and magick this phase is called disseminating; however, astronomers typically use the name Waning Gibbous.

How it effects your life

The Full Moon has passed, though just barely. She still lights up the night sky, and the darkness of earth, although she is visibly waning. The waning phase is primarily about endings and letting go, in contrast to the beginnings and growth of the waxing phase. It's time to begin letting go, to realize that a transformation is needed before there can be further growth.

We have made the transition from waxing to waning, like stepping through a doorway, and now it's time to see what awaits us. In fact, throughout the busy cycle this is the first time we have really stopped to look around. We begin to see where we stand and notice our surroundings and our place in them. The disseminating phase is integrative. Our awareness of others, their needs and goals, their effect on us is heightened. We begin to see where our knowledge may be useful to others, and their knowledge may be useful to us. The visions began at New Moon, the fulfillment gained at Full Moon, the experiences in-between have begun transforming into wisdom and understanding. We are compelled to share it. We absorb what others have to share. Communication is vital.

How to make the most of this phase

Following the natural path of the Moon, it is time to take a step back. Not a step backwards in progress, but step back from situations you are too close to, look at them objectively. From the darkness of New Moon, she has progressed, grown, increased to the peak of Full Moon. Now she is gracefully and slowly slipping into the shadows. She is re-visiting the darkness. Dark does not mean evil or bad. Knowledge, wisdom, understanding, and subconscious all reside in the quiet depths of the shadows. Begin turning your attention to things of this nature.

This is only the beginning of the waning portion of the Lunar Cycle. We begin by seeking understanding. At Full Moon, things are illuminated, accomplished, goals are reached, ideas are solidified. Now we know. But do we understand? The mind is busy, sharing and gathering information, racing with thoughts. This is the time to process those thoughts, bits of information, memories of experiences into wisdom - a valuable tool you can utilize for the rest of this cycle, and all that follow it.

The sharing of information is one of the critical elements of and uses for the Disseminating Phase. If you have a message to get out, now is the time. If others are talking (about something relevant) listen to what they have to say. Study, learn, and absorb ideas and information. The tendency for sharing and interaction is not limited to information, although that is its primary influence. This can be an excellent time for socializing, teaching children to share, charity work. It's perfect for attending (or teaching) classes and workshops, making friends whom you connect to on an intellectual level, or exploring other cultures. Learn and diversify, keep an open mind.

This phase is usually a busy time (at least mentally), but in the rush to share, gain, and digest ideas don't forget that the general tendency of the waning phase is decreasing and letting go. This is a good time for breaking habits, changing routines, and weeding out ideas which aren't useful. Be open to change, as this phase is a beginning of a transformation. Ask yourself what you need to transform.

Now that we are in the waning phase it is no longer favorable to begin projects for growth and increase, because the natural tendency is decreasing. The disseminating phase has a strong focus on information. If you want to get a message out, 'spread the word' this is a perfect time. It's also a good time for gathering information. Think ahead to what you have planned for the next waxing moon and do your research. If you are in the middle of a big project or a difficult/confusing situation or point in your life, ask yourself what you need to know. Information is a powerful tool, and if you don't have all the facts, or don’t fully understand them use this time to remedy the situation. By the same merit if your side of the story hasn't been heard - tell it.

The Disseminating Phase also marks the beginning of transformation. Think change. Even in things we want to progress and grow, the balance of waning is essential. Do you have a stalled project, or feel stuck in a rut? Then something has to change, opening new doors, giving new options. Something has to end making room for new growth or allowing it to be 'reborn' in a different and better way.

 3rd Quarter Moon

The Third Quarter, or the Waning Half-Moon, is the perfect timing for dealing with obstacles or leaping over hurtles that might cause you to stumble on your way. Whenever you've been working toward something, and there's a roadblock in your path, the timing of this moon phase offers appropriate energies for helping you burst through it.

Temptations are the number one thing I like to deal with during the Third Quarter. If I'm finding that I often want to cheat on my diet or lay in bed rather than get up and do my exercise or watch TV and fool around on the internet rather than working, I banish that temptation with a spell.

Another good use of this moon phase's energy is in aiding with transitions, whether these are transitions that you have to make or simply want to make in your life. It can help smooth out any wrinkles that might cause snags as you go on your way.

The Moon is waning (decreasing in light), and 50% to 25% illuminated.  This phase usually begins the 7th day after Full Moon and continues until the 10th or 11th. It will be about 7.5 days until New Moon (from the beginning of this phase).  This is the 6th in the 8 phases of the Lunar month. The Last Quarter Phase begins when the Sun/Moon angle reaches 270º and continues until the angle reaches 315º (when the Disseminating Moon Phase will begin). This phase is the first half of the 3rd Quarter (when the cycle is divided into 4 quarters rather than 8 phases).  The Last Quarter Moon rises around midnight and sets mid-day.  She is visible from Moonrise, until Moonset.  Both astrology/magick and astronomy may use either Last Quarter, Waning Last Quarter, or Third Quarter for this phase. Third Quarter is used more often in astronomy than in astrology/magick.

How it effects your life

Once again, we have reached the balance of light.  The Moon begins this phase exactly half illuminated, but waning.  She is slipping into the darkness, slowly but surely.  Each night we see another sliver of light gone.  She still illuminates the night, but gradually the shadows grow stronger and the light grows weaker.  It is a time of transition, transformation, and evolution.  There is a restless, sometimes uneasy feeling.  Instinctively we feel that something is happening, something is changing.

In the First Quarter Phase we feel the energy of waxing and growing become quite potent at the light overtakes the dark.  We have now reached the opposite point, as the dark overtakes the light and we feel the energy of waning and decreasing with equal potency. However, the darkness is the quiet, the internal, the letting go, the understanding - it is a more subtle energy. The mysteries of the shadows are now more alluring than the discoveries of the light.  The energy is deep and powerful, but not so easy to decipher as the extroverted and illuminating energy we felt in the First Quarter.

How to make the most of this phase

Half-light, half dark.  We are looking back and looking ahead.  Often, we find ourselves at cross-roads during the Last Quarter Phase, sometimes trying to (or needing to) take both roads at once.  Things began early in the phase are coming to fruition.  There are things that still need to be done, perhaps another big push to finish up.  Maybe they should be continued or revived.  It's decision time.  Then, there is the question of where to from here.  What will replace things that have been finished?  What will be started in the next phase?  Again, decision time.

Look back: where have you been, and what have you done?  Look ahead:  where are you going, and what will you do?  This is a time of change, as we are beginning to form plans for the future, realizing the repercussions of the past, and deciding what we will (or must) continue, and bring with us.  This isn't a time to dodge responsibility and avoid decisions.  We often find ourselves facing mistakes we have made and receiving credit for what we have archived.  We become aware of what is finished or needs to be. We've been gathering wisdom, contemplating change.  Now we begin to figure out what to do with what we have, and don't have.

The Quarter Moon Phases, both first and last, are times of balance followed by direction.  This one is vastly different from the First Quarter, however.  This is a good time to break bad habits and change routines. Sometimes the more stubborn habits are easier to break now than in the Disseminating Phase.  There is sometimes a vague feeling of chaos in our lives around this time.  Be careful not to let things spin out of control, but don't be too concerned. It's natural, this is a turning point and there are probably many things going on simultaneously.   Don't let yourself slip into bad habits, and not do what has to be done.  However, don't push yourself too hard either.  Rest and contemplation are integral to the entire waning phase.

The Last Quarter Phase is a good time for taking care of details.  Do things you've been putting off.  Clean out the closet, finish up some paperwork. Work on wrapping things up, and deal with those 'odds and ends' you've been neglecting.  It's a good time to organize, prioritize, streamline, and weed out. Clean up clutter, throw away things you don't need and make room for those 'homeless' things laying around.

This can be an important point in long-term projects and goals. This is a time for making the hard decisions and implementing serious change.  What needs to be eliminated?  If you are have come to a point where you must choose one of two (or more) directions, this is a good time to make your choice.  Now is the time for re-structuring and re-considering plans.  Take a hard look at what has and hasn't worked, make use of information you've gathered.  This is a time of endings, but not always eliminating things.

This is a good time for finishing or beginning the final stage of something. If you have a project near completion, it can be a good time to take the necessary steps to finish it; make time and room for something new.  

Mistakes made along the way may, and problems you've encountered be catching up with you.  Don't ignore them or give up on what you've been trying to do.  See what there is to be learned, and how they may be avoided in the future.  Implement change where needed or use this time to figure out what change is needed. Take an honest look at projects, or things in your life that seem to be going downhill.  Decide if it's worth pursuing or not.  There is a difference in giving up, depressed, frustrated, and illogical or thinking it through and deciding that it's not worth continuing with. Decide whether you're ending the goal or the plan.  If you're ending the plan, but the goal is still worth striving for, consider a new start, a different approach, in the coming Lunar Cycle.  If you're ending the goal, do what is needed to wrap it up, and start thinking ahead.  Consider the possibilities opened by the time and resources you're freeing up.

 Waning Crescent Moon

If you need to clear your life and home of negativity, stress, strife, chaos, etc., now is the time to do it. The Waning Crescent, as it approaches the Dark Moon phase, it suitable for stronger banishing than at any other time of the waning moon phases. Get rid of whatever has been plaguing you—anything you find to be seriously annoying, frustrating or concerning (save things that are serious threats for that Dark Moon).

If you need things to end—not just to finish up and end, but things that no longer serve you that you need to just stop in their tracks-- this moon phase is a good time to do it. Dropping a hopeless project, relationship, friendship, etc. is best done at this time. This is a good time to cast a spell for anything for which you wish to bring about a swift and benign ending.

The Moon is waning (decreasing in light) and 75% to 0% illuminated. This phase begins the 10th or 11th day after Full Moon and continues until New Moon. It is about 3.5 days until New Moon (at the beginning of this phase). This is the 7th in the 8 phases of the Lunar month. The Balsamic Phase begins when the Sun/Moon angle reaches 315º and continues until the angle reaches 0º (when the New Moon Phase will begin). This phase is the second half of the 3rd Quarter (when the cycle is divided into 4 quarters rather than 8 phases). The Balsamic Moon rises is early morning, before dawn and sets in late afternoon. Early in this phase is visible in pre-dawn twilight; a thin silver crescent softly growing in the eastern sky. By the end of this phase she has disappeared, as we approach the next lunar cycle. This phase is called Balsamic, Dark Moon, and Waning Crescent. In astrology/magick the term waning crescent is rarely used; it is by far the most common astronomical name. Dark Moon and Balsamic are commonly used in astrology/magick.

How it effects your life

The darkness is nearly complete. We begin the Balsamic Phase with just a thin sliver of light - you may catch a glimpse in early morning - and by the end of the phase, darkness is complete. We are approaching New Moon; this is the last waning phase. She has withdrawn into the darkness, leaving the night wrapped in shadows. Disappearing, she is resting, preparing for the next Lunar Cycle. As we follow her example, follow her path, we do the same.

This is a time of quiet contemplation. We withdraw into the shadowy depths of thought and emotion, resting, reflecting, thinking, feeling, dreaming, and preparing. To a great degree we exist in the 'invisible worlds' of subconscious, spiritual realms, daydreaming, and our own inner depths. We are often consciously unaware - much is happening, yet it seems that nothing is happening. The past slips away, quietly into the night as the future slips in. While the Moon releases her current cycle, extinguishing the light and preparing for the next cycle, we to are releasing extinguishing and preparing; even if we don't know it on a conscious level.

How to make the most of this phase

This is a time to notice the subtle, especially within yourself. It's not a time of dramatic changes and hectic action. Yet it's a time of chaos, in its own way. There is often an uneasy, restlessness about the Balsamic Phase. This isn't (typically) chaos in the external sense, of noticeable disorder and confusion. This is a deeper, more subtle more meaningful type of chaos. The Lunar cycle is ending, with it our cycle of progress and action is ending. Yet a new cycle has not begun. There is a sense of void, but it's not a void. It's filled with the past, the future, hopes and fears. Externally this should be a calm, quiet time. Allow yourself opportunity to think, feel and experience.

The Balsamic Moon Phase is a time of release. The growing and building of the waxing phase have passes. The actively analyzing, correcting, and changing of the waning phase up to this point has passes. Now is the time for acceptance and release. What has gone too far to be repairable, we must let go of. Perhaps it will be re-started in the next, or a future Lunar Cycle. Maybe it won't. But if its time has come, we must now let go. We must have faith in ourselves, and the natural cycle, knowing what we let go of now will be reborn, the resources will be reused, we are making way for something new, releasing emotions and beginning healing…

Balsamic Moon is also a time of preparation. New Moon is approaching; we are on the verge of the next Lunar Cycle. We are on the verge, but not there yet. Gather your strength and resources; let your mind and body relax. Let your spirit and soul play. Let your imagination run wild. We are following the natural cycle. The Moon is now retreating into the shadows, withdrawing into herself, resting and preparing to come back strong and vibrant in the next cycle. This is the time we should be preparing ourselves to be refreshed and ready for great momentum and new growth to come.

One of the best uses for the Balsamic Phase is rest. If you've been pushing yourself too hard, feeling used up and burnt out, the most important thing to do right now is give yourself a break. It's also a time to get in touch either yourself or nature. This is the time to stop and smell the roses, enjoy the moment. It's also a good time for mundane, routine tasks - the kind of thing you do automatically without having to give it much though. Try to avoid strenuous activities, especially mentally strenuous. This is the time for your mind to relax, and let your subconscious, your soul, and your imagination flow. Don't fill your head with a bunch of fact and figures, that won't let the subtle flow through.

In terms of more 'practical' activities, remember we are in the final days of the waning moon. It won't be favorable time for breaking habits, endings, or eliminating until the next phase. If you have things of this nature you need to do, now is the time. This phase of the waning Moon is particularly good for final endings. Anything you don't want to return or want it to at least be slower than typical - now is the time. For example, if you pull weeds they don't grow back as quickly, if you clean out the junk drawer, it will fill up slower, if you plug a leak it's more likely to hold and so on.

This is not the time to begin anything. It is an excellent time for endings. If you need to end a difficult relationship, break a contract, stop a tough habit, etc. this is your best time. In difficult situations, see if anything needs to be ended and if not, this isn't the time to address the problem. In long-term projects, the Balsamic Phase usually seems to be a time of stalled progress. Don't push for something to happen, wait until New Moon. However, this phase can be an excellent time of inspiration and creativity. The logical and forward moving part of things may be stalled, but often what we really need is a break from the activity and some objective, unusual thoughts on the matter.

[artigas]

(1) Hi! Its the anon that asked about lizzie and tatiana, I’m currently halfway through s5 and i really like jessie! I thought she was gonna be the one to finally resist tommys advances. I liked the scene where he goes to her apartment and they have a good back and forth. But alas she cant resist and sleeps w him, and he’s essentially just using her. I love her as a character and how she manifests her ideals into actions but, so far i thought she’d call out tommys shit by now!

And specially i cant help but resent how they set up the women to compete against one another, i rolled my eyes at the scene where they are exiting the polls and jesse and lizzie size each other up. Girls, please move on. I did like in season 5 where tommy is drunk meeting w jessie and she just gets up and leaves. I think the show has good female characters it just that they prioritize the male ones more. Unlike the women, the male characters dont revolve around a relationship. and finally, And idk if im just overthinking things but i think the show has upped its sexist comments? specially w tommy and arthur. W tommy telling lizzie shes his property and arthur telling linda to just be a good wife. Meanwhile polly and ada are really well written characters for the most part! Sorry this is so long i just have a lot of thoughts regarding the women of this show. And i love your analisis!

Nope! Don’t apologize, friend, I’ve absolutely adored reading all your feedback and your experience watching the show! I think Peaky Blinders, for all its good, has a lot of space to grow when it comes to women characters who are potentially romantically/sexually available to the protagonists- it does sometimes feel like the quality of writing and the depth of character for women characters waxes and wanes, but I also think that a lot of these characters- Lizzie, Grace, Polly, Esme, etc- have these great foundations, these building blocks of characterization that make them really compelling and really promising so long as they have free reign to be written as complexly and as thoughtfully as their male counterparts. I think Grace is a really stellar example, you know? Love her or hate her, she has a history, a back-story, individual motivations, and a social/political ideology that can actually really be broken down in some pretty interesting ways! Polly, too, is another character who is probably most obviously allowed to be pointedly ambitious, sexual, manipulative and outright cruel and still someone the show clearly roots for and sides with. I love what we get with Polly, especially considering how most shows would probably limit her to being maternal, chaste, and uninvolved in the family business (likely because of her age, too). Overall, I think the show does a good job of giving women characters flaws- none of them are meant to be perfect. But I really do think Peaky Blinders could benefit from occasionally resisting the urge to have all its women have romantic subplots, primarily with Tommy almost unexceptionally. 

As far as Jessie goes, I really do love that she’s someone who has this strong ethical and political foundation. I mean, Jessie and Freddie in a room together would’ve been a sight, right? I especially adored her scenes with Ada. I think they had such interesting chemistry and so much could’ve been done if the show had the real estate to really contrast Jessie’s idealism and dedication to the communist cause and Ada’s disenchanted relationship with that same movement she once honestly dedicated herself to. The fact that Jessie and Tommy both draw together because they represent to one (or, at least, invoke the memory of) their respective lost loves was also a refreshing change in terms of the sort of “romantic” relationships Tommy has had thus far. (How authentic we want to think that ‘relationship’ was from either Jessie or Tommy’s end is a different story and definitely worthy of suspect and investigation in the funnest possible way, I think, but I don’t wanna rant).

As far as season five goes, I think the hike in misogynist language and ideology wasn’t coincidental or without thought. I think Arthur and Tommy both are progressively getting worse as the show goes on and went through separate, but equally erosive psychological processes that took out a really ugly side to them both, especially in their relationship with the women in their lives. It felt to me like both characters were scrambling for control and finding a way to express authority over women who depend on them became one of the ways that need made itself manifest. I think it’s no coincidence that Lizzie and Linda look for solidarity in each other. I think their joint decision to write those letters, advocate their needs, and then respectively find some sort of approach to the state of their lives so that they could carry on with some semblance of safety, security, or (dare I say it!) happiness was interesting and heartbreaking- Linda tried to find it by leaving the family, finding another person to speak to and find solace with, and then eventually breaking down to the decision to attack Arthur and it hurt to see it! Lizzie’s own process was so complex, I think. I could go on and on about her belief that life wasn’t about what one deserves, but what one agrees to, settles for, etc. Her sex scene with Tommy, too, really just invites so much analysis and criticism, right? Which makes it, I think, a very effective sex scene as far as writing goes, because it isn’t a pause from characterization or plot, but rather a moment of intimacy between Lizzie and Tommy that reveals a different facet of their respective character developments. Was it kinda messy for Tommy to call her his property? Absolutely! But I also don’t want to dismiss how much I liked hearing Lizzie advocate some boundaries in that sex scene, too. It’s complicated, man! It’s a scene a lot of people have interpreted different and I’ve loved hearing all the different takes, there’s so much validity to be found in the different readings I’ve already seen out there. 

I think the show made no excuses for how awful Tommy and Arthur were being through season five. I think we as the audience are meant to recognize that their conduct and their comments weren’t something to emulate or exonerate, but instead symptomatic of their downwards progression throughout the season. It’s just a shame that these condemnations probably aren’t overt enough for the real Meat-Head faction of the fandom to catch onto- reddit is a nasty place to venture off into if you’re invested in any of Peaky’s female characters, that’s for sure. But man, if you’re here on tumblr, boy does this fandom have a lot of people churning out meta worth reading! If you want some blog recommendations, let me know!!! Thank you for keeping my in the loop with your watching journey ♡

[kingofthewilderwest]

I don’t think it was wrong for hiccup to put his first best friend toothless over his people. Because I would do the same for my dog. Animal lives are far more important then human lives. Humans are horrible so why should someone who got bullied his whole life care about the people who tormented him over an animal who actually cares about him and doesn’t judge him. Humans judge you animals don’t. Thoughts on this?

Seeing a discussion topic like this gives me immediate flashbacks to my undergrad in Philosophy and those Ethics courses. XD  

There’s several things that pop into my head about this ask, since you’re bringing up multiple topics that could be debated in depth ethically. I want to make several things clear in my response before I get the ball rolling:

I may be wrong, but you, friend, sound like someone who lives life through your heart. If so, I imagine that means you find emotions and feelings extremely important, and these are used to guide your life choices. It’d be the framework by which you see of the world. Your perspective is valuable and beautiful. I do want to make you aware, though, I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. I’m not able to respond to this question with the same emotive values-based discussion because I think differently. I navigate the world with a logic focus. The fact the two of us differ and have different ideas about us is beautiful! Please understand none of what I say will be dismissing, devaluing, or decrying your perspective, just supplying my own alternate framework.Now, sometimes people talk about ‘cold logic’ as though it’s separate from morality, but I believe logical choices require conscientious moral judgment. If you ignore morality when you make a choice, you’re not being logical because you’re not taking all important factors into account. This means that my discussion will be a LOT more logical than you probably think about this topic, or expected me to handle it. But this is the way I can respect and tackle the ethical questions!

Interesting as the topic is, I don’t want to turn this into a back-and-forth discussion with anyone. But I do want to point out before I provide my thoughts: different ethical schools of thought have existed for millennia for a reason. Ethics is an extraordinarily nuanced topic and ergo, hard to arrive at a definitive “answer” for, even when we’re all acting out of love. And frankly, ethics is a topic I think humans are incapable of fully understanding.

As you discuss it, animals are worth more because you see them as morally pure. Humans, however, have moral failings and can do terrible things. The people of Berk hurt Hiccup, which makes them less valuable to you.

To me, this brings up three big relevant questions:

Is someone’s value based on their morality?

Can we judge animals on morality in the same way we do humans?

How immoral were the Hairy Hooligans?

But the final concluding remarks I’ll have (see Read More) will be looking at THW. I’m not 100% sure which part of canon you’re discussing, but since THW showcases Hiccup needing to make a choice between staying with Toothless or becoming a human leader apart from dragons… 

In THW, it’s not a strict matter of putting animals or humans first. Either Hiccup hangs out with Toothless and puts both species in danger, or Hiccup gives humans and dragons and Toothless what is best for everyone. And if Hiccup wanted to stay with Toothless, he’d only be making a choice based on his own happiness, not on whether or not he’s actually helping his friend (Toothless will have a happy life even if he leaves New Berk). In the end, Hiccup’s two moral options mean his outcome is either “happy” or “less happy,” but the results for everyone around him is “saved” or “condemned” to war and possible death. And choosing a preference of happy vs unhappy instead of life vs death to me is something I wouldn’t call ethically responsible. Hiccup putting the people of Berk first before hanging out with Toothless is something I’d call the right choice.

The first question is one I care about a lot personally. It’s deep in my values, I mean. You don’t have to agree with me, that’s chill, but again: the reason different ethical frameworks exist is because ethics is complicated! XD

I have strong beliefs that all lives are inherently valuable. As I believe, neither productivity in society nor ethical choice changes the fact lives are innately valuable. When someone is evil, the reason that is disturbing isn’t because they’re “automatically bad” and “born horrible”; it’s because they have a valuable soul that they corrupted through their unseemly life choices. All of us are human and all of us err. All of us could have lived a life purer than we did, and all of us could have descended to worse evil than we did. We all have within us the potential to be horribly evil, and we all have within us the potential to be a thoughtful and considerate soul. Our value doesn’t wax and wane as we calculate our ratio of sins to virtue, because the tragedy of the sin is that our innately valuable soul is being used for evil instead of the good it could do.

This is also coming from someone who hates the idea that people “deserve” to have bad things happen to them. And I am also someone who hates ideas of revenge or “getting back at someone.” If a person hurt you, they hurt you and that’s wrong, but that doesn’t give you the right to stoop to their level and hurt them back. You’re just repeating what they did and making yourself as bad as they were in the first place. That’s petty and cruel. (Note: this is different than discipline, which is done with an intent to curb dangerous effects for someone’s actions, and to correct behavior to help someone grow.)

Humans can be horrible. Unfortunately, you’re right. Our species can be awful. I think that’s why we need to take actions to help our species grow. Helping other humans is a step we need to take to make society better and less horrible. The more we make choices to help people, the more we fight back on the horrible things humans do to one another - then in turn, the more we prevent those things from happening. For some, they’ll keep being evil. But for many others, they’ll be taught how to be better, and as they grow, they’ll become more acting agents working to make the world a better place. It’s to note that, in many cases, people make horrible choices because they were victims and weren’t put in an environment where they could fully learn to act healthily; this is unfortunately why abuse may continue generation to generation in families. Kids grow up to enact the same abuse their parents did to them. Ergo, someone can be both a victim and a perpetrator. Instead of condemning that behavior as an indicator of evil in human society, and say these people deserve to be left behind… I’d rather step in to prevent the cycle from continuing, and give the next generations a chance to grow and live happier, healthier, kinder, and more compassionate lives.

Hiccup abandoning the Hairy Hooligans makes no social progress and doesn’t give humanity a chance to grow to be better people; Hiccup helping the Hairy Hooligans does good work. This isn’t to say we’re morally obligated to help everyone who does a wrongdoing (we’re not), but it is something to keep in mind before we say that someone should suffer and/or be punished because they’ve done wrong. 

And I think that Hiccup being the chief of Berk makes him especially responsible to them.

So for me, I don’t think that the Hooligans’ behavior toward Hiccup is any excuse for letting them suffer. The world is a better place by preventing a cycle of more suffering, not perpetuating it. And in the case of Hiccup’s conflict between him and Toothless, this is a matter of saving lives from an upcoming war - a pretty big deal.

But my ethical opinionating here can be sidestepped through the other two questions I raised. Whether or not you agree with me here, I think we can look at two other relevant angles fresh.

The second question deals with how we judge animal morality. I’ve heard debaters mention dolphins save lives and murder people, suggesting moral behaviors akin to humans. I’ve seen people talk about how dogs show guilt after they’ve done something they know will bother owners. I’ve seen people point out that whether or not humans can morally kill to eat meat is different than discussing whether or not carnivores like lions (whose entire biology requires meat) can morally kill to eat meat.

But honestly for me, I think it’s comparing apples to oranges, and we get nowhere by trying to put a human framework on a species that isn’t human. I don’t want to project my human values on their behaviors. Dogs, lions, and dolphins won’t have the same internal psychology as me on account of them being different species. I can’t judge a dog for acting like a dog because I can’t be a dog knowing how dogs think through choices.

So to say that one creature is more valuable than another on account of their moral perspectives… to me is impossible to do. To say one species deserves suffering more than another frankly bothers me. (And yes, that includes ants, spiders, snakes, and wasps. I squeed happily when I saw a snek the other night - what an adorable cutie

The third question I think is the most relevant. How much wrong did the Hairy Hooligans really do to Hiccup? And are they irredeemable for it?

Hiccup felt ostracized from his tribe because he couldn’t kill dragons like they could. He didn’t feel like his father respected who he was, and was hurt by some of the things Stoick said about/to him. He was taunted by peers for being a screw-up. The adults of the tribe could speak harshly to/of him, too.

Now, I don’t want to defend the people of Berk in their bad choices. I don’t think it’s okay to mock your peers, for instance. I don’t agree with disowning a kid ever. But at the same time, I think it’s important to look at both sides of what went down in Hiccup’s situation in HTTYD 1.

1. Hiccup is not innocent. Hiccup’s struggles are understandable. He wants to fit in in a society that’s filled with dragon-fighting Vikings. He wants to be a dragon-fighting Viking too because that means he’ll no longer feel like the odd one out. The desire to fit in and be respected is especially prominent in teenaged years. Teens want to fit in badly, and they can emotionally struggle thinking “I’m different and no one understands or respects me.” Ergo, Hiccup wants to murder dragons, JUST like everyone else. 

Hiccup’s desire to fit in with a warrior culture is so strong he makes VERY BAD choices. Hiccup repeatedly charges into battle. Hiccup is an untrained teenager who shouldn’t be in a dangerous dragon fight. He’s a liability, not just for himself, but for everyone in the village. He can make the battle harder for the fighters, and he can put himself in harm’s way so that now others have to save him. Hiccup trying to fight dragons is outright irresponsible, and puts not only his own life at risk, but the lives of the adults around him. I can sympathize with him wanting to fit in and prove his worth… his emotional pains are relatable… but he’s going about it the wrong way. Trying to fit in by putting others’ lives in danger is not okay.

There’s a reason the Vikings of Berk are annoyed at this kid. Hiccup is repeatedly instructed not to put his and their lives in danger. He keeps doing it, putting his selfish insecurities first and their safety last. When the Vikings grumble, it’s because this kid is making bad, selfish choices.

And let’s be real: it’s not so different a world where Hiccup could have killed Toothless with his first shot. And if he did, would he have become a repeated dragon killer like the others? He’s living in a culture where that is the norm, and his desires (as evident in the start of the first film) show he’s not separate from his culture. A unique set of circumstances was what allowed Hiccup to stare deep into Toothless’ eyes, reflect on what he was doing, and make a choice to be different (a hard choice that he derided himself for, and only grew to accept as his friendship with the dragon grew).

2. They’re at war. The Hairy Hooligans do not know about the Red Death. They don’t know that the dragons are being forced to raid the village. All they know is that their livestock, their homes, and their lives are in jeopardy because enormous winged beasts attack them. The dragons are attacking their settlement, not the other way around. The Vikings have never made it to the dragon nest and the dragons’ environment, but the dragons appear to be the aggressors.

The Vikings, as far as they can understand their situation, are defending themselves. They’ve had to learn to fight dragons to stay alive.

In the middle of a war, a kid comes up to you and says the enemy’s okay. How easy is that going to be to accept? Especially when the Kill Ring turns into chaos, and both a Night Fury and a Monstrous Nightmare are fighting humans? 

Hiccup might be trying to show them that dragons aren’t what they thought, but to be fair, most wars don’t evaporate when one kid tells you everybody can be friends. For generations, the dragons have been a proven aggressive threat.

The Hairy Hooligans killed dragons. The Hairy Hooligans were very harsh when Hiccup stated that dragons weren’t the enemy. That’s not cool… but in this sort of circumstance, isn’t it easy to see that the people of Berk could see Hiccup as a traitor putting their lives in danger? A society that’s trying to defend themselves from death… is in greater threat because this wild kid is bringing up a wild idea that’ll probably lead to more death.

Is that actually widespread thoughtless bullying?

3. Parenting is HAAARD and the entire plot of HTTYD is a rift between father and son BOTH being imperfect. Stoick said a few harsh and unwarranted things to Hiccup, but in many cases, Stoick was doing his best with what a father should do: calling out his son for bad behavior, and trying to connect in positive ways. Stoick is not a Bad Guy Dad. He and Hiccup have a rift that makes it hard to understand and communicate with one another (but the difficulties go BOTH WAYS). 

Stoick does live in a society which values dragon fighting, and Stoick (as a good dragon fighter) values it a lot. Hiccup understands that and knows his father will respect him if he fights dragons. While Stoick would be ecstatic for his son to exceed in the warrior ways, he’s also not a father PUSHING his son to be a fighter. In fact, he protests when Gobber suggests Hiccup goes to training… Stoick doesn’t want his boy hurt. When he fans over Hiccup being chosen to kill the dragon in the ring, it’s because he thinks his son is already a fighter.

We can understand why Stoick makes the choices he did, and even though they’re not 100% perfect, they’re also understandable things that a caring parent does in difficult situations with difficult kids.

4. People change. AND THE PEOPLE OF BERK *DID*.

Hiccup got taunted by Snotlout, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut for being a screw-over. Now they’re his best friends and help him save dragons. Hiccup was dismissed as a nuisance by the tribe when he was a teenager. Now the tribe cheers his name and accepts him, with pride, as their leader. Hiccup was considered a problem because he wanted to befriend dragons. Now the tribe’s ENTIRE CULTURE changed because they realized the boy was right, and the entire tribe has taken on the duty of trying to protect, save, train, and befriend dragons.

You’re right that Hiccup got bullied and hurt by his tribe (I doubt this was his whole life, and I doubt it was the whole tribe, but yes, Hiccup had some bad interactions happen). But that’s not how it ended. The people of Berk profoundly revolutionized their society because they came to respect Hiccup’s ideas. They changed. They don’t bully Hiccup anymore, and the worst they do in THW is dismiss Hiccup’s ideas as youthful, naive, or impractical. That’s not some high level moral offense.

Tumblr is awful about decrying bad actions without understanding that humans constantly grow. What we once were isn’t who we are today and isn’t who we will be tomorrow. People grow, people become better, and life becomes better when a previously bad person learns the error of their ways… repents… and starts doing good.

If we don’t allow humans to change… then we can’t fully endorse moral behavior when it does happen. If we don’t allow humans to change… we’ll be punishing people for who they were rather than who they are. If we don’t allow people to change… we’re the assholes stuck in the past, not them. If we don’t allow humans to change… we lose allies, we lose friends, we lose agents who can make the world a better place. The Hairy Hooligans are agents of good change. As Hiccup says at the end of HTTYD 2, “We are the voice of peace, and bit by bit, we will change this world.”

So I suppose I don’t agree with your initial premise: that the Hairy Hooligans are bullies, horrible humans, tormentors who screw Hiccup over. On the contrary, I feel like the Hairy Hooligans are supporters of Hiccup, the Hiccup Fan Club, the people who believe in him, the people who follow him, the people who will leave their lifelong home and follow him on a quest to save dragons, because these are a people who value him. Are these horrible immoral people who don’t deserve help?

But I think the moral question all boils down to this:

In The Hidden World, Hiccup can either put his friendship with Toothless first, or he can put his leadership of New Berk first.

When Hiccup puts his friendship with Toothless first in THW, it starts by him trying to stay with Toothless. When Hiccup puts dragons first in THW, it starts by him wanting to protect over all dragons in Berk. Hiccup decides to leave Berk and search for the Hidden World because he’s thinking about the dragons. He thinks he’ll be able to live with humans and dragons together at peace, everyone safe, including Toothless. Hiccup isn’t thinking about the rest of his tribe so much as he’s thinking about how he can continue to save dragons and continue his friendship with Toothless.

Of course the solution in THW suggests that what’s best for Toothless is for them to part ways. If Hiccup and Toothless don’t part, the Hairy Hooligans AND the dragons (including Toothless!) stay in greater danger. Hiccup’s selflessness toward Toothless is letting his friend leave his side. It is a choice for Toothless, and ultimately, as THW wants to frame it, the best choice.

But of course, the conflict of THW is that Hiccup thinks that what’s best for the dragons is for everyone to stay together. And in doing so, Hiccup puts the Hairy Hooligans in danger. Because humans and dragons are still together, dangerous people like Grimmel and the warlords will be after them. Even if they defeat Grimmel and the warlords, more people will be antagonistic against them and the dragons. This means that, if Hiccup keeps putting his initial concept of “Toothless first” and “dragons first,” he puts the Hairy Hooligans in DANGER of war.

And this is where the moral choice becomes clear to me.

Putting you and your friend’s HAPPINESS over an entire population’s SAFETY is something I understand the desire of emotionally, but it’s something I can’t ethically condone.

You can either:

Save a city of people from tyranny, war, and possible death (while giving up hanging out with one friend, who’ll live a good life regardless) OR

Give you and your friend happiness, and in the process condemn the stability and safety of hundreds of people - who are the people you’ve officially sworn to protect as their official governing ruler.

One of these choices screws people over, the other doesn’t.

It isn’t a matter of animals over humans, because in one choice, the humans and the animals are both safe, and in the other choice, you get to have fun with one animal while putting everyone in grave danger.

Anyway! You got me pulled down a long response, haha! HTTYD is amazing because of how it gives us beautiful non-human characters like Toothless. I love that, too. Animals are important and beautiful! And so are you and I hope you have an amazing day! Take care!

[dunk-on-em-ao3]

The Warmth Found in the Stars

Delirious Avenues lit with the chandelier souls of infusoria from Pharoah’s tombstones

Every so often, if the night was fading into the early hours of the day, and if Aziraphale was especially gentle, Crowley would talk about his life before the fall. His existence upstairs, before he was sent spiraling downwards. His voice would be quiet, timid. He wouldn’t pick his eyes up off of the floor. He also wouldn’t talk about whether or not he was happy in heaven, or about the acts that led up to the actual falling. Any questions about those two topics would shut him down completely. Really, any questions at all would do that, unless they were worded very, very carefully.

But if Aziraphale was quiet (as he so often was), as the sun began to creep over the horizon, Crowley would begin to talk.

He would talk about his hand in creation. He was one of the chosen few angels to help create the stars beyond this Earth.

white-light district of lunar lusts

And even though his eyes were fixed firmly on the ground, Aziraphale could see Crowley’s eyes begin to light up as he described how it felt to shape whole planets, to gather the elements of the universe and the heat of his soul in his palms, to mix and press and pull them together until they became the stars the humans look up towards today.

He talked of Alpha Centurai most of all.

“It has three suns.” Crowley whispered one night, staring at the worn carpet of Aziraphale’s bookshop. “One sun worked out so well for this one, I figured that three could only make everything better.”

“Were you right?”

“I was.”

Stellectric signs “Wing shows on Starway” “Zodiac carrousel”

One particular morning, when Crowley had not yet sobered up, he talked about the stars and he cried.

“I poured myself into their creation. Each and every one. I left bits of my own soul behind in each cloud of star dust.” He took a breath, tears streaming down his cheeks as he wept. He was sitting on one end of Aziraphale’s couch, his hands turned upwards in his lap. His glasses were gone, and he was looking at his hands as if they were holding something that Aziraphale couldn’t see. The angel was sitting on the opposite end of the couch. He wanted to be closer, but he was afraid of what would happen if he came near.

“But when I was up there, it was okay. I could see them. I could feel their warmth in my hands, I could feel them live.”

“We can go there, if you’d like,” Aziraphale whispered into the early morning light. “We can visit them again.”

“It’s not the same,” Crowley all but howled, sounding very much like the wounded creature that he was. “Up there, visiting them was like coming home. Now-,” he choked on his own words. “It’s like I’m a stranger to them. They don’t know who I am.” With that, he fell into himself, weeping bitterly.

The angel took a steadying breath and stood up. He walked over to Crowley slowly, giving the demon plenty of time to tell him to leave. No protest came.

Aziraphale sank to his knees quietly, wrapping his arms around Crowley’s legs. He rested his head on Crowley’s knees, murmuring soft nothings gently. The demon didn’t move, but instead wept harder. Aziraphale reached up with one hand to gently brush away the stars that fell from Crowley’s eyes.

Crowley didn’t speak for the rest of the night.

Cyclones of ecstatic dust and ashes whirl crusaders from hallucinatory citadels of shattered glass into evacuate craters

On a different morning, Crowley spoke of Saturn’s rings.

“Upstairs wasn’t overly fond of them at first, you know. Said it was too overly complicated, rings of ice and stone and what not. I don’t think She saw the point.”

“The point?” Aziraphale prompted. Crowley had his head in the angel’s lap, and he was slowly carding his fingers through his hair.

“Doesn’t have to be a point.” Crowley smiled, halfway asleep. “They were beautiful.”

Aziraphale smiled back, his heart melting like an ice ring that was thrown into the sun.

Distantly, a clock chimed five times.

“Why do you only speak of these things in the morning?” Aziraphale murmured, pulling the demon closer. “It’s only when the sun comes up that you want to talk.”

The smile disappeared from Crowley’s face. Aziraphale’s heart clenched. He had pushed too far, yet again.

“I am so sorry, my dear, I didn’t mean to-”

“I don’t want to see them.”

Crowley turned his whole body, pressing his face into the softness of Aziraphale’s middle.

“I don’t ever want to see them again.”

A flock of dreams browse on Necropolis

From the shores of oval oceans in the oxidized Orient

“You should be proud, you know.” Aziraphale held tightly to Crowley’s hand. They were walking back to the bookshop, and the night was late. The stars were shining brightly overhead, twinkling like Christmas lights. The moon was full, and the way it lit up Crowley’s hair was just about remarkable.

“Pride is a sin,” Crowley shot back, deadpan. His eyes were fixed firmly on the sidewalk, never once glancing upwards. Aziraphale knew better than to ask why.

“Not when it comes to something like this, my dear.” He pressed a gentle kiss onto Crowley’s hand. “Never for something like this.”

Onyx-eyed Odalisques and ornithologists observe the flight of Eros obsolete

And “Immortality” mildews … in the museums of the moon

An angel and a demon lie twisted together in their bedroom sheets. The bedroom window is open, and starlight is shining through. They are breathless, laughing, borderline giddy. Aziraphale pulls Crowley in once more, kissing his cheekbones, his nose, his forehead, anything that he can reach. Crowley scrunches up his face, making Aziraphale laugh again.

“I love you,” he whispers, in the darkness of the night.

Crowley gazes into his angel’s eyes, and he sees the stars reflected back.

“I love you too,” and his heart begins to heal.

Pocked with personification the fossil virgin of the skies waxes and wanes

[tootbender]

When have you had love? What is it like? I hope it comes for you and me soon.

My acute awareness of love within myself and romantic reciprocity has waxed and waned over time. But I have never truly been without love. I have always had friends and family who love me without condition: who listen without judgement, and give without expectation. And I strive to return this selfless love and attention to those who give to me.

Romantic love is strenuous and special in a different way. I experienced romantic love for the first time when I was 14. It has entered and exited my life additional times over the last decade. Romantic love holds a complicated and wonderful place in my life, but especially at present.

There is no singular individual in my life to whom my romantic attention is currently dedicated towards. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t this way. I feel a great deal of gratitude for the people I have met this past year. But I also don’t feel the urge to make that final leap with anyone. My heart is asking my to pause, and I have chosen to listen.

Love is always shifting. I feel I would answer this question differently a year ago, or even tomorrow. That’s what I love the most about love: love’s ability to transform us. The best form of love, to me. feels deep and vast and secure. Like unwavering security. A celebration and acceptance to be completely myself — uninhibited, and without hesitation. Love is understanding. Listening. Waiting. Patience. Love and trust are both so much about patience. We always wait and create time for the ones we love. For them to return, to call, to write, to finally realize something we realized years ago.

Currently, I am waiting for love. I am deepening my understanding of patience. I am waiting. Waiting for myself to become an even better and brighter vision of love. And for that possibility of a ‘ maybe’ — a someday, a somebody to wait for. Someone else to see and hear and notice me in the way I need them to. Which may come. Which may not. I wish for me, patience. I wish that for my best and worst days. And to celebrate love in all its forms whether a ‘maybe’ arrives or not.

I wish that for the both of us — you and me, whoever asked this question.

[junker-town]

The NFL is pain, welcome to the 2021 season

Photo by Mark Alberti/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Like an unsolvable equation, the NFL is back to break our hearts.

In the world of mathematics, one of the seemingly simplest problems in existence is also one that has eluded humanity’s brightest minds for generations. The Collatz conjecture is a hugely impressive term for something so basic it hurts: 3x+1. Under scrutiny it’s held into the quadrillions that one simple number game will always come crashing back to the same inevitable loop.

Pick any number you can think of, anything at all. If it’s odd, then multiply by three and add one. If it’s even, you divide by two. Repeat the process. Eventually, without fail, you will always return to the same helpless loop: 4/2 is 2. 2/1 is 1. 1x3 is 3, +1 is 4. Repeat. It’s torment personified, agony realized, it’s Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill. The crushing reality that we can solve the world’s most complicated problems, but never manage to find a single number that can avoid the hopeless plummet to one.

So dawns the beginning of another NFL season. A fresh opportunity to try to find our own magic number. Ignoring the stark reality that we too will likely crash back down. The NFL is pain, and our agony is its muse. There’s good reason you’ll rarely find a happy NFL writer. We come in two breeds: Those young enough to keep trying to find that number, and those who have accepted the fate that when the NFL comes knocking it always demands a pound of flesh, and we’ve carved as much as we can in service of its cruel desire.

Yet, we keep returning. We keep crunching those numbers. We persist in trying to find a way to solve an unsolvable league, because once in a great while it’s happened. The carrot on the end of the stick has been reached. Each season one team, a shade over 3 percent of the league, gets to finish fulfilled. The rest of us say “better luck next year,” and pick a new number next year — knowing we’ll probably end back at one.

The NFL thrives on promise and mystique. It’s often said that the league is microcosm of America, and damn that’s true. Not because of some fluffy, lofty ideals of people from different backgrounds and races working together to achieve a common goal. Sure, that’s nice — but because it really represents what this country is all about: The unwavering reality that with hard work, effort, and skill, we can all have our talents exploited by a small group of controlling billionaires as a means of wealth distribution that always travels upwards. The American Dream of the financial elite that success, whether on the football field, or in the board room, means the ability to make more and more money.

Why do you think owners are so excited when their teams win the Super Bowl? Maybe a small part is the glory, but deep down they know it’s the justification they need to jack up ticket prices, sell more jerseys, and ink more endorsements. It’s enough to bring a tear to your eye.

The most beautifully cruel element of the Collatz conjecture is how it teases you. Mercifully the number 26 returns to one after 10 steps (26, 13, 40, 20, 10, 5, 16, 8, 4, 2, 1). Go just one number higher, to 27, and it takes 111 steps — swelling to 9,232 before falling once again. This is the great tease of the NFL compared to its college brethren. Those gloriously lucky sods can know as soon as Week 1 that their team’s season is over. Free from football’s icy embrace to open up their Saturdays to life, and love, and experience.

Big brother NFL is not nearly so kind. Like the number 27, we are gripped every single week of the now 17 game schedule, soaring and falling with the constant promise that maybe we can break free to infinity. Sometimes reality doesn’t set in until the very end, when we need the final month to determine whether hope is truly lost. We follow along, idly watching playoff chances wax and wane, doing all sorts of mental arithmetic on how our team can find a back door into the playoffs, where anything can happen. Of course, it’s futile. It’ll crash back down to one, because it always crashes back down to one.

We keep returning. Time, and time, and time again. Because, like the naive mathematician still trying to prove the Collatz conjecture and cement their place in legend, we too are addicted to history. The possibility that we will get to witness what others could not, that we can carry a torch sometimes lasting generations. Fandom handed down to us as a cruel birthright, to be upheld, cherished and celebrated — even when we get nothing in return. Detroit Lions fans have watched 778 regular season games since the AFL-NFL merger and never seen their team in the Super Bowl, let alone win the damn thing. That’s 2,334 hours (give or take). That’s 97.25 days of agony. Forget whatever miscredited quote about insanity and repetition, ask a mental health professional if you should keep willingly subject yourself to something that causes so much emotional anguish. They’ll all answer the same: Absolutely not.

Yet, we still live for this. We need the NFL — and when the reality of football is too much to bear we throw ourselves into the world of fantasy, where our dreams of victory on a pretend virtual field can somehow find a way to bring us even more pain. Why? Because the sweetness at the other side is simply too alluring. Maybe we’ll be the ones to finally solve the equation, and when we do we can be there in spirit, in history, to say “I was there.”

It’s for this reason I always found it hilarious when the raucous cacophony of Patriots fans screamed “You hate us because you ain’t us.” No, no, no, my sweet summer children. We hated you because you weren’t us. Bill Belichick and Tom Brady did the impossible. They solved the NFL’s Collatz conjecture. They found a way, through parity, bad calls, randomness and injury to make a modern dynasty. That is not supposed to happen. Nobody is supposed to avoid the pain of NFL fandom for that long, with that much reliability, especially in the modern era. You were supposed to go back down to one, but you didn’t — you just kept soaring, infuriatingly soaring and robbing 31 other fanbases for their fleeting chance to experience joy.

We hated you not for what you were, but what you weren’t: Miserable with the rest of us. Then Tom Brady went and found a way to do it AGAIN. If he repeats and hoists the Lombardi Trophy in 2021 he’s officially solved the equation once more.

If all this sounds horrible, and melancholy, and sad beyond measure, then good. It should. I’ll leave it up to willing throngs to tell you why this year is going to be your team’s year. The truth is: It probably won’t. At least, statistically speaking. I don’t care if your team upgraded its offensive line, or you signed that one key pass rusher that’s going to make the defense complete. Everything is one injury, bad play, or poor decision from everything going down the drain. That is the heart of the NFL. If something can go wrong, it probably will — and it’s so much easier to just say “well, there’s always next year” instead of thinking about the hours of wasted emotional investment into a game that never, ever loves us back as much as we love it.

So, once again we take a number. We multiply it by three and add one, and maybe we get lucky and get to multiple it again — but eventually, without fail, we will crash back down to one. The NFL has knocked on the door once more to demand its tribute, and we will pay once more — because at this point there is no other option.

[proxythechimera]

about your ace-spectrum post - I understand where you're coming from here, the lgbt+ community has been oversexualized for years, but the problem you're describing comes more from cishets than ace folk. why is it their fault that homophobes are being homophobic? asexual people have been in the queer community since the 1970s. i think its better to focus on working against the queerphobia we face from cishets rather than invalidating other people in our community.

If someone doesn’t experience any sort of attraction to anyone, e.g. no crushes, dates, marriages, sex, that sort of thing, I could respect someone who calls themselves asexual in that way. It is when you have someone who is otherwise say, a lesbian, but maybe doesn’t like to have sex, so they call themselves something like asexual homoromantic or some such. ***You do not need to engage in sex in order to be considered a lesbian, or even a gay man, or bi, or straight.*** Wanting to separate the need/want for sex from things like romance and emotional bonding is problematic for the reasons I stated in my post. 

It’s really frustrating because I feel the same way when arguing with pansexuals and how pansexuality is inherently biphobic. These people are so attached to their identity that they don’t want to question it, they will reinvent the term in so many ways to try and validate it, while at the same time invalidating other people in the process.

I am a bisexual non-binary person. I love sex. I do not always engage in sex. Due to medical issues, my interest in sex waxes and wanes over time. Even in my periods where I don’t experience interest in sex, I am still bisexual. Bisexuals are complicated people (just like anyone else) and we all experience things like sex, desire, love, etc all in very different ways. I hope that explains some things but honestly I know it probably won’t for some people. I’m just one old dude though. Just trying to tell people that their language was the same language used to oppress people like me when I was growing up.

[ellohcee]

Between You and Me

50 Prompts

#39 – Overwhelmed

She hates it. Sometimes she just falls apart and it's like her world simply tilts in the wrong direction. It is heralded by that awful bloom of fire and tingles behind her eyes and nose. It relentlessly burns and suddenly her eyes are welling and she's not even entirely sure why.

You're overwhelmed, her mother once told her.

But by what? Most days it's fine. Yes, juggling school and hero work and personal life can be exhausting, but it always turns out fine. She gets a few late days at school, she gets scolded, and she moves on. She misses a few things with friends because Akuma attacks just can't be pushed off to the side, you know? And there are some days she's a little snappy with Chat Noir, but he understands, she apologizes anyway. They have lives that sometimes seep in while they're in mask and it just can't be helped sometimes.

But here, sitting atop her balcony, a cold autumn wind biting her skin like an angry wraith, she just doesn't understand. She'd been fine earlier throughout school, the usual song and dance of her life. But she gets home, sets her bag down, has a snack, and suddenly while she's sketching a design it just slams to the front in such unapologetic insistence that it knocks her asunder. She sits and blinks and wonders why for a few moments before frustration gnaws at her. She needs air.

She climbs to the balcony and sits with her back to the railing, feeling the cold bite of wrought iron pressing into her shoulder blades as she leans back hard. Marinette hopes it would ground her against this bizarre swell of emotions, keep her tethered to sanity because she doesn't understand what she's upset about. All that happens is she loses track of time, sitting until dusk fades and her string lights come to life, reflecting off her wet face.

This is how the other half of Paris' super hero duo finds her somewhere past sundown, and like a wraith himself, Chat lands on her balcony with barely a sound. “Princess?” he asks in concern, crouching in front of her. Green eyes seem to glow comfortingly in the dark, flickering across her tear stained face in attempt to decipher what he's walked in on. “Are you okay?” he asks in worry, because he's never seen her like this and he can barely fight the overwhelming surge of 'please don't cry' he wants to blurt out.

She huffs out an attempt at a laugh, but it just ends up as a burst of air from her lungs that burns like flame in her chest. “I don't know, probably?” she shrugs offhandedly, averting her eyes and trying to scrub the tears from her face. This is a manner in which she never wanted Chat to see her, Ladybug or otherwise, but she can't find the will to care because it's just nice that he's here. Sometimes she really takes for granted how comforting his presence can be, because he's just so alive and caring and sweet. Sometimes it floods her with joy so great that she never wants to imagine a world without him. He's her best friend, her partner, her sanity amidst this hero business she was chosen for.

So right now, Marinette thinks, she's really glad to see those green eyes peering at her. In that moment after her noncommittal answer, he's suddenly slinking forward to carefully sit next to her and Marinette can't help but lean towards him. In their occasional meetings like this she tries to tone back her Ladybug level of comfort because right now she's Marinette- she's not supposed to be that familiar with him, but she just doesn't care tonight. So she lets her head fall on his shoulder, releasing a sigh so heavy it feels like it should expel all the flurry of emotions with it, but it does not.

“Hey,” he says quietly, not at all taken aback by her invasion of his space. “What's wrong?”

“That's just it,” she responds in frustration. “I don't know.” Her head hurts, her mouth is dry, her eyes ache and all she wants to do is lie down and sleep forever, but she's fairly sure these were all side effects of the sudden burst of whatever. But what was the cause of the whatever? She had not the faintest.

“Oh,” Chat replies, sounding confused as all hell. Well join the club kitty, she thought, because she's confused as hell on a daily basis, but right now takes the cake. As if on cue that rush of heat behind her nose flares to life again, bringing with it a pressure that waxes and wanes inside her skull like waves. She huffs in annoyance, rubbing more tears away and only crying more because she's so frustrated.

“Well,” the hero starts, a note of hesitance in his voice. “Sometimes there doesn't have to be... I mean, not one particular thing, sometimes it's just... everything, you know?” he asks hesitantly, his voice uncharacteristically small.

This stupid cat is making her cry even more, because in her already emotional state it's easy to pick up the heavy truth behind his words, that he knows this all too well and it bogs down on him sometimes. She doesn't want her cat to be hurting, ever, she wants him to be happy. She knows realistically a person can't be happy all the time, but the image of Chat whenever he's hurt or sad flashes into her minds eye and it makes her want to weep.

The water works must have turned up at these thoughts, as he was suddenly looking at her anxiously. “Hey hey, Princess?” he asks, adorably concerned over the increase in tears, and damn it all he's just too good. Marinette abruptly twists where she's sitting and hugs him around the neck, burying her face into his collar and making the black clad hero stiffen in surprise. “M-Marinette?” he asks in surprise, dropping his usual nickname.

“Don't be sad,” she demands softly, yet fiercely, into his suit. “Okay?”

Chat is quite understandably thrown asunder, as he thought he was the one doing the comforting here. He blinks, once, twice, three times, before his brain kick starts and he manages to speak. “Um, how did this... I thought... you...”

“Just because,” she whispers. She can't bring herself to explain that she hears the weary tone in his voice, that she often picks up on his downcast moods when she's Ladybug, that she doesn't always know what to do or how to help but she just wants him to know that she's here. In any form. But she can't let on that there's more than Marinette, so she settles for this ambiguous answer and continues to hug him. Because without him there would be no Ladybug, not only because of his encouragement on their first round as heroes. But more so just every day they're together, he lifts her spirits, and while she may act annoyed sometimes, she loves this silly cat with all her heart.

What level of love exactly is yet to be determined, because she doesn't go there for fear of making things complicated.

So for now, she settles on doing something that she doesn't allow as Ladybug. She lifts her head and kisses him on the cheek, feeling an immediate flush on his skin beneath her lips as he blushes like nothing else before.

“M-Marinette-”

“You'e a good person, Chat,” she whispers, dropping her forehead back to his shoulder as the hero goes silent. “You're too good. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you.”

Chat's face, although she cannot see it, is stuck momentarily in a shocked stupor, eyes wide and cheeks red. But slowly, there comes the barest tremble of his lip and a strangely glossy look in his eyes. Swallowing thickly, he reaches arms up to hug the girl back, holding her close as his heart thumps. The embrace is near desperate, as he suddenly realizes the truth. What started as an attempt to comfort Marinette now seems to have shifted into the realm of mutual support, and he really can't complain. He has no idea how she picked up on his feelings so quickly and turned the tables, but she'd always been very akin to shifting emotions.

So they sit together, wrapped up in each other like the world is ending, and just let themselves be in this moment. No more words are exchanged for several minutes, until Marinette starts sagging against him as her emotional typhoon gives way to exhaustion. Chat shifts his grip to support the girl, reluctantly standing up and carrying her towards the skylight. “Alright Princess,” he whispers softly, feeling a tickle of her hair at his chin. “Time for some sleep, you need it.”

For a moment her arms tighten around his neck, and Chat feels his heart nearly explode with affection, suddenly a lot less willing to release her. But, he dips her lower half down and holds her steady until Marinette finds her balance. Chat lets her go then, kneeling down to open the skylight and hold it for her. “In you go,” he bids, holding his free hand out to her.

Marinette smiles at his gesture, ever the gentleman, and takes his hand. She starts descending the ladder down into her room, looking below for several moments to make sure her feet find purchase, until she looks up and pauses. They are suddenly eye level, nearly nose to nose, and it's a little harder to breathe. They lock gazes for a moment until Chat breaks the spell and leans forward, planting a kiss on her forehead just below her bangs. Marinette squeaks in surprise and embarrassment, her face going completely red as he grins at her in a way she can only describe as triumph.

Amidst the receding waves of emotions calming with the storm inside her, she suddenly sees Chat in a different light than before. Right now he's like a ray of sunshine, his own face tinged pink and that big, adorably stupid grin on his face making Marinette's heart flutter in a way that's usually reserved for Adrien. For a moment her grip tightens over his fingers, and she smiles at him. “Thank you, Chat,” she whispers,

“Anytime, my dear,” he answers with a dip of his head, and she can tell he well and truly means this. He brings her hand forward and places a kiss on her knuckles, making her giggle, before she descends the rest of the way down into the room. He only lets go once distance insists, giving her a cheeky smile and a wave. “Goodnight, Princess.”

“Goodnight Chaton,” she replies, waving back as he closes the window and disappears into the night.

Chat feels his heart drumming loudly in his ears as he leaps between rooftops, an elated grace to his movements that seems to carry him like a bird on the wind. That was most definitely not how he expected the encounter to go when he saw Marinette huddled on her balcony, but if he were to be completely honest, he couldn't be happier.