#the cheat is eating a crab

[kitsuneroach]

something ‘bout may makes it all feel better!

baby, summerland holds what i want right now…

it’s that time of year again! went to the beach!

[emeritusemeritus]

The Artist and the Entrepreneur part 2

Part 1

Title: The Artist and the Entrepreneur Part 2.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Artist!Reader {Established Relationship}

Timeline: Timeline is a little wonky (picturing it OOTP just before the twins departure but there’s no war/no Umbridge)

Warnings: ANGST. Sadness, breakups, illusions to cheating, breakup references. Happy ending I promise! Talks of marriage, proposals, Hagrid and his creatures, Fang being the goodest boy. Lots of tears and sadness but it gets better! Not beta read nor spellchecked, apologies for any mistakes.

Word count: 3.5k [part 1&2= 8.2k]

You don't know how long you sit there crying with your pal by your side for every moment but eventually the tears begin to slow, your breath finally evening out though your heart still pounds, much like your head. Fang lifts his head slightly, his big eyes peering into yours and you give him a thankful smile through the tears, even if he doesn't know exactly what you're trying to convey. He gives your arm a little nudge and in your near delusional state, you assume that it's a reply to your thankfulness. You chuckle, giving him a good scratch of appreciation on his wrinkled forehead at the absurdity of the situation, but you'd be forever thankful that of all things, Fang was the only one that had held you together in your darkest moment.

It was nearly dark now and you knew that you'd have to move soon, to complete the favour for Hagrid even if your side of the bargain was now moot. You walk over to the cupboard and find fang's food, giving him a healthy amount in his bowl and replacing his water so that it was fresh. You know better than to disturb the oversized hound when he was eating and so you set to preparing yourself for the task, reaching into various cupboards and pulling out the equipment you'd need as Fang ate his dinner in peace.

To say you were in complete misery would almost be an understatement as you trudged down the path towards the tree line of the forbidden forest with fang dutifully beside you. Almost as it acting on autopilot, you made your way to the small dell in the woods where you'd been coming twice a day at least for the past two weeks, your side of the bargain with Hagrid.

You opened the gate to the wooden pen, fully equipped with the fire retardant boots and long sleeved gloves that Hagrid had given you and reached for the bucket at the end of the pen, scooping up the vile contents and leaned over the inner pen to dump out the contents into the little trough. Immediately the inhabitants of the pen came scuttling out, their glittering shells creating a magnificent display of light even in the limited lamp light.

The firecrabs scuttled on their six legs towards the food and instantly began nibbling at the food you'd laid out as you kept yourself back from being in the firing line of their flames. You'd already been caught out a few times, most notably on the side of your neck where you now sported a very sore and angry pink mark that had inadvertently caused the worst heartache of your life. You looked at the beguiling creatures, so beautiful and yet grotesque and wondered how in the hell you ended up here. You were covered almost head to toe in a slimy gel like substance that Hagrid had warned you always to use to protect your skin if you ended up in the line of fire. An old and grimy hat sat upon your head to protect your hair and though your robes were naturally fireproof, hagrid had provided an old coat for you to wear that he'd found in lost property. You looked dreadful, felt worse, but at least you were warm.

A little sparkle of fire caught your eye and you noticed one of the firecrabs becoming slightly aggressive with another. Usually Hagrid would step in at this point, telling you to stay clear back as he broke apart the two crabs but he wasn't here tonight and the duty fell on you. Fang barked at the sight and you were quick to silence him, not wanting to attract any other creatures from the forest. You quickly leapt over the pen and made yourself known to the crabs, careful to avoid any unnecessary burns and pulled the two fiery crabs apart with a definitive shove, your over emotional day causing you to lose all patience and therefore take necessary action without the hindrance of fear or emotion.

You climbed out of the pen, breathing heavily from inhaling the smoke around the two flaming crabs and dumped the bucket back beside the food pen, wanting to get away as soon as possible, hoping that Hagrid would already be back with the kettle brewing. You dumped the protective gloves and the hat on the side of the food pen and pulled out your wand to rid yourself of the suffocating gel that covered every inch of bare skin with a simple charm, though you'd need to bathe to really be rid of it. You kept the boots on for good measure, not wanting to dirty your shoes on the walk back up to the hut.

Fang guided you back to the tree line of the forbidden forest with you trailing a little behind, hardly able to drag your body any faster. Your stomach growled loudly at you and you realised that you'd barely eaten anything today, from your quick exit at breakfast to the skipped lunch which left no time to eat. Once you were clear of the trees, you let out a deep sigh at getting a clear view of the castle, dreading what was waiting for you inside. Instead, you looked towards Hagrid's hut and froze when you saw that all too familiar figure awaiting for you once more.

You didn't want to continue walking towards him but had nowhere to escape to other than back to the forest which was definitely not an option on your own. You didn't want to do this here, or now, with no energy left and your body crying out for rest. You were depleted of all energy, running on hardly any sleep and no food. At least you wouldn't have to stay up late into the night for your stupid project anymore.

"Taken up chimney sweeping in your spare time have you?" He jokes, no doubt seeing the soot on your face from the quarrreling crabs.

"Fred, can we not do this now," you say with a dismissive sigh, opening the door to the hut for fang who happily trotted in, collapsing into his soft bed so easily that it made you jealous, wanting nothing more than to do that yourself. Hagrid still hadn't returned and you briefly considered just walking inside the hut and locking the door behind you in a feeble attempt to make Fred and all your problems go away.

"Please," he says, his tone much calmer now, almost pleading with you. "You have every right to be mad at me, I should have never said that to you."

"You mean you shouldn't have said it out loud," you quip, knowing exactly what he was referring to.

"No," he says quickly, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "I never meant.. that. You know how much you mean to me, you're, well you're everything."

"Only in the bedroom," you snark, not dropping the hatred from your voice, hardly able to look at him.

"No, sweetheart please, you don't, you know I didn't," he says, sounding more contrite than you'd ever heard him, his hands reaching for you one again in an almost desperate scramble.

"No Fred, I don't," you snap, your emotions no longer able to be contained. "It's not just about your stupid comment or how it's made over four years of our relationship a cheap joke! I don't know anything anymore!"

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, voice quivering once again with your emotions, somewhat thankful that Fred doesn't even attempt to interrupt or interject. Despite the steadiness of your breath, your emotions quickly get the better of you and you can't help but let it all out, the mounting misery of the past two weeks free flowing now as the barricades shatter around you.

"Everyday for two weeks I've been looking after those sodding firecrabs for Hagrid so I'd have somewhere to work! Up at 5 everyday to come down here to clean and feed those evil like tortoises then back again after dinner. I've barely had time for my homework, I'm behind in every class, Snape's threatened detention all of next week because I fell asleep during his lecture on the history of cauldrons and their importance, like I give a single sodding shit! I've been avoiding you because I could never explain why I'd been doing it and it was harder to lie to you when I'm so exhausted all I wanted is to crawl into your lap and fall asleep because you're the only person that brings me comfort. I did all of this for you and all that it did was ruin everything!" You voice breaks as tears begin to stream down your face once more and you no longer care to hold it together in front of him, the pain no longer able to be contained.

"I ruined everything," you sniff, "I lost you. I tried so hard and all I did was push you away, I lost you." You sniffle again and your voice comes out weaker every time, voice breaking almost completely. "There was never anyone else. And now Angelina gets to take my place and I'm lost Fred, I don't know what to do without you. I was just trying to do something nice."

Your voice breaks one final time and you can no longer talk as a sob breaks through. Within seconds Fred has his arms around you. He holds you tightly to his chest, allowing you to sob into the material of his robe as his strong arms hold you together. His hand reaches up to stroke your hair and it only makes you cry harder for a few moments before it evens out again as Fred holds you still. You can hear him shushing you gently, cooing almost as he stands unwavering, letting you cry it out. Once your sobs stop, he reaches out to hold either side of your voice, forcing you to look up at his face. Even through your somewhat blurry eyes you can see that he'd been crying too, glistening lines trailing down his face and onto his nose, eyes a little puffy and lined with red.

"Sssh sweetheart, you didn't lose me, I'm right here," he says gently, imploring you with his eyes. Your lip wobbles as his words slowly sink in, the faint glimmers of hope and relief beginning to ignite within you.

"I'm right here," he assures you, thumb reaching out to wipe away another falling tear from under your left eye. "I'm not going anywhere, ever."

His own voice is strained and you can tell he's holding back, even as your grip loosens on him, feeling suddenly more steady as you begin to believe his words.

"I've loved you since the moment I saw you wearing my jumper to the quidditch match back in second year, I swear. You're it for me, the minute me and George make a killing at the shop I'm putting a ring in your finger like you deserve and making you my wife as soon as mum's talking to us again."

You can't help but let out a little chuckle at his words, watching as his face erupts in a little smile, knowing that he'd broken through your sorrow. You knew how Molly felt about their business and the inevitable rupture it was going to cause with them leaving their education early to pursue their dreams. Eventually she'd talk to them again, though you didn't know when.

He turns slightly more serious again, a little frown tugging at his brows.

"I can't believe you'd ever think that I could replace you. I've been such a bloody idiot," his head dropping slightly as he speaks. "This morning outside potions, I never meant for it to turn into that. I really was just asking you to the black lake. I just wanted my girl back, to tell her about how George had invited Angelina last night and how I saw them snogging when I came back from getting those good rocks from the bottom."

You look at him with wide eyes, your problems momentarily forgotten as you gasp at his disclosure, earning a wicked smile in return at your outburst.

"No way!"

Hearing his chuckle once again brings a smile to your face and in mere seconds his hands are sneaking around your waist, a much more comfortable affair, just as they used to.

"I tell you I want to marry you and the biggest reaction I get is to telling you about your future brother in law snogging someone! Typical!"

You reach out and give him a delicate swat on the shoulder before you bite the bullet and lean up to kiss him. It's one of those kisses that takes your breath away almost instantly, the power and the meaning behind the kiss so prudent. It's a reconciliation, an absolution and a forgiveness all in one. Your tears are long forgotten now as you hold on to each other closely, the playfulness and the connection between you having been cemented once again.

When you pull away, he's smiling. That special smile that seems as if it's only for you, eyes shimmering and looking greener than ever against the slightly red rimmed eyelids.

"Calm down Freddie, it's not like you proposed," you taunt with a playful roll of your eyes that makes him squeeze you tightly in reply.

"Maybe it was," he jokes with a playful raise of his eyebrows, earning a little nudge from you.

"You could at least wait until I'm not filthy and covered in soot," you joke, knowing that your face is probably covered.

"You look like a Weasley already," he beams, his smile only widening when he hears you bark out a laugh at the unexpected quip. "Want to head back to the castle?"

You nod, only to pause a moment later when you realise with a building amount of guilt that you had never finished your project, needing it for tomorrow. Your stomach growls loudly in protest at the prospect of missing dinner again and you're torn between what needs doing and what you want to do.

"Ah y/n! Hope those firecrabs didn't give yer much trouble. Fred, good to see yer! Happy birthday! How'd you like yer present? Spent weeks on it y/n has!" Hagrid bellows, appearing as if from nowhere, nodding his head excitedly as he steps inside the hut greeting fang. You sigh, not even slightly annoyed at the disclosure of your secret even after you'd tried so hard to conceal.

Fred's eyes widen, eyebrows raising as he smirks at you devilishly, acting like the cat that got the cream.

"My present eh?" He smirks, swaying you from side to side as his arms slip around your waist once more.

"Yes your present, for your birthday... tomorrow," you taunt, not giving him any hints. He whines like a petulant child but you simply roll your eyes, not giving anything away.

"But I've been such a good boy this year."

"You probably haven't, and I'm not Santa," you counter with a smirk, winning a kiss from him though you know it's just to shut you up.

"So that's what you've been doing? You've been making my present?" He says, no longer joking as he looks down at you with soft eyes, a stark comparison to the look you wish to forget from earlier. You nod, not wanting to give anything away. His hand comes up to your chin and cups it gently, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips, his way of a precursory thank you.

"If you hate it it's completely fine, I can change anything," you say, leading both Fred and George down to Hagrid's hut where their gifts are waiting for them.

"Princess," Fred warns, stopping you from spiralling.

"You know we'll love it," George says trailing slightly behind. "Especially because you made it, and we know you love us," he jokes with a wide grin.

"Some more than others," you bite back, earning a playful shove from the slightly younger twin and a loud chuckle from the elder.

"Baby, I can't, you..."

"Merlin y/n."

You'd never heard the twins speechless before and you wished more than ever that you could take a photo of their faces, to capture the moment you stole their words from them.

"You really did this? For us?" George asks, looking at you in bewilderment, his fingers sliding across the top of the sign that you'd so proudly painted. You nodded, tears beginning to rise as you look at your beloved twins looking at you with so much thankfulness and adoration that it makes it hard to breathe.

In front of you, displayed on thick boards are posters for all of their products, ready made and free to use for their shop. You'd designed all the packaging and promotion for them, even included their likeness on the skiving snack boxes poster that you were actually rather proud of. You were surrounded by a symphony of colour set against the muted pallet of Hagrid's hut. The posters were as fun filled and dramatic as their products and from everything they'd ever told you about their plans for the shop, you knew they'd fit right in.

"You have no idea how much this means to me," George says, suddenly turning all emotional at your gift. He reaches for you and pulls you into a strong hug that feels eerily similar and yet so different to his twin but nevertheless you sink into the hug with a smile. "Best present ever," he says when you both break apart, "can't wait for you to be my sister."

George turns to look at Fred who had remained eerily quiet and senses that it's time for him to leave, reaching for your shoulder to give it a little squeeze as he leaves you too alone. You look on hesitantly towards Fred who still stares at the paintings in front of him, his face incredibly hard to read in that moment.

"I'm sorry if you hate them," you say in a quiet voice, his extended silence suddenly making you anxious.

He turns upon hearing your voice and silently makes his way over to you, his eyes fixed upon yours until the last moment when his hands reach out for your jaw as he captured your lips in a blazing kiss. You're caught off guard but steady yourself quickly, kissing him back with as much need and affection as he's giving you.

He pulls away and there's a desperation in his eyes that you can't place, as if his mind is ticking over with juxtaposing thoughts.

"Marry me."

"What?" You ask, the breath completely knocked out of you.

"Marry me," he says again, the clarity in his eyes nearly forcing your knees to buckle. "I know I'm supposed to be down on one knee with a beautiful ring to tempt you," he says quickly, eyes shining. You let out a breath of laughter at his words, as if you'd ever need anything to tempt you towards marrying him.

"You deserve all of that and I'll give you all that and more, anything you want in life is yours. But this," he pauses, gesturing to the artwork around him. "You astound me everyday with your creativity and your talent, but not just that, with your generosity and your thoughtfulness. I know I'm impulsive and don't always think far enough ahead but I've never been more certain, never seen things as clearly as I do right now. I want to spend my life with you, I want to wake up everyday with you by my side and to go to sleep holding you every single night. I never want to feel like I did yesterday and it's only made me more certain that I need you to be my wife. I know we're young and we can keep it secret until the time is right, even from George. Marry me."

You leap forward the second his lips have stopped moving, throwing your arms around his neck as your lips fiercely claim his, a proclamation of your love and a wordless acceptance of his proposal.

"Yes Fred Weasley, I'll marry you!"

His smile is wider than you'd ever seen it as he places another kiss upon your lips, hardly able to kiss as your smiles are too wide, too contagious, the promise of forever sounding too perfect.

You pull away, still smiling like fools as you giggle at the sudden turn of events, a new secret to hide but this time it wouldn't come between you both.

"Well if some painting get me a proposal, wait till you see the window displays I've drawn up," you smirk, leading him by the hand out of Hagrid's hut and out onto the grounds for a walk, the past behind you and the future to look forward to.

[waklman]

Hi Tilly! So, I’m living by myself for the first time and my dishwasher just flooded my apartment 🫠I’m fine😀, really… 😭. Anyways, I just wanted to ask you to maybe write something with Bradley and babybear 🥺. They are my comfort characters! love ya ❤️

summary: you and bradley go out for a late night snack or bf! bradley who stands there in silence x gf! who orders food for them both.

warnings: mentions of strict dieting, one or two suggestive jokes. fluff, 18+ blog.

note: helpp the way that kind of made me laugh. as a fellow girlie who also gets herself in trouble when left alone, i hope your floors are okay! excuse the quality as writers block has me by the neck

something 'bout you masterlist.

It’s not often that Bradley dines out. He’ll indulge in some of Penny’s greasy bar snacks once in a while—nothing more than that.

With the one time he did slack off, it wasn’t exactly easy to get back to his original physique. In fact, Bradley even found himself struggling to keep up with the likes of Hangman at one point.

And that was just the wake up call he needed to finally get back on track. 

Since then, he’s made sure to double down on his efforts to stay in shape, scarfing down his protein packed, repetitive, plain meals. It’d be a lie to say that it wasn’t a bit tasking, but it's nothing Bradley Bradshaw couldn’t put up with. And when Bradley was committed towards something, he was all in. 

But what he forgot to include in his ‘fool proof’ plan to remain loyal to his diet, was his stubborn girlfriend who loves to spoil him rotten. Which is why he's finding it difficult to swallow down his food tonight.

The usual pre-prepped dinner has never tasted so bland and downright dry, especially when you’re planted in front of him with that tablet in your hands.

For the past thirty minutes, Bradley has been subjected to a screening of strangers eating a variety of foods—from huge portions of instant noodles—to enormous crab legs being dipped in buckets of cheese. 

He’s seen it all. 

“Give in,” you whisper, fingers tightly curled around the edges of the ipad, though, you’re careful enough to not block the screen itself.

Across the rounded table he’s sat in, you’re standing there like you’re getting paid to show him a compilation of mukbang videos. You’d put the billboards lined up on the nearby highways to shame. 

“Not a fucking chance,” he mutters under his breath, shaking his head firmly. 

Stabbing his fork into another piece of boiled chicken, Bradley stuffs it into his mouth in defiance. He refuses to wave the white flag, not when he’s worked so hard to finally restrain himself.

Maverick would have to come twirling into the living-room in ballerina-get up for him to take it as a sign to treat himself to a cheat meal. 

At his clear refusal to give in, your head peeks out, just so slightly, behind the thirteen inch screen, eyes narrowed with fiery determination igniting them.

“Mcdonalds. Wendys. Burger King. In and Out,” you repeatedly chant, legs starting to tremble under the strain of standing up for so long. 

Bradley only flares his nostrils, a sign that he is not backing down either.

In any other scenario, his knees would’ve immediately buckled after one plea from you. But right now, he knows you’d stuff his face with junk—that he’s been successfully cutting out for months, if you were given the okay from him.

Though, he does have to admit, he’s finding it hard to keep a stern face because your legs look like they’re about to completely give out. Not wanting to keep you up any longer, Bradley tunes out your endless chant of fast food chains—which somehow turns into a catchy song, as he shovels more strips of chicken in his mouth.

Maybe if he finishes his dinner faster, he could coax you onto the couch to watch more Ryan Gosling movies. 

Following your gut feeling, you lift a finger to the front of the screen, tapping repeatedly on the skip button—until it felt right. After spamming your pointer just a few times, you lift the index off the glass, letting it play at a random point in the compilation.

Bradley’s tongue prods his cheek, straight face starting to falter. “Baby it’s not gonna work. Please just sit dow—” 

His mouth immediately clamps shut, throat moving as he swallows back a wad of drool pooling inside his mouth. The boring dinner under him is long forgotten. 

Noticing his dazed state, you lower the screen to probe what finally caught his attention. Bradley’s eyes practically trails the movement of the tablet, not looking away for a second.

A platter of juicy burgers leaking oil and mountains of fries is what breaks him. 

“And he’ll have the double bacon-burger, two large fries, one coke and—” 

The teenage boy behind the register blinks in disbelief, watching the giant man in front of him lean down towards his girlfriend, shyly whispering in her ear. 

Bradley draws back again, standing a head taller than you with his arms crossed around your front, glassy eyes roaming the lit-up menu stretched above the line of registers. 

“Oh, can we actually make that a root beer? Also I’m really sorry, but can you remove the tomatoes from the burger as well?” You request, giving Bradley comforting strokes on the forearm he has slung over your chest.

“Yes, Ma’m I can…I can do that for you,” the worker clears his throat, editing the order on the screen, customer service voice practically cracking. 

When you two first walked in, with matching pajama pants, the fast food employee assumed he was dealing with a pair of psychos from the streets.

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, he’d always get one or two unsettling visitors in the duration of his night shift. But they’d always prowl inside the joint by themselves—they never had company—nor have they ever teamed up on him before. Briefly, he considered hovering his hand over the dusty emergency button directly under the counter. 

But to his surprise, you two were just a relatively normal couple with a craving for burgers at midnight. 

“Alrighty, your total comes out to 18.50,” he reads, eyes nervously darting between the two of you. “...Will that be cash or card?”

Almost in a race with each other, you both drop the lovely couple act, digging in your own pajama pants for your wallets. The anxious worker behind the counter starts taking a careful step back, afraid you two were going to pull out a weapon on him all of a sudden. God, he shouldn’t have let his guard down so easily. 

He stills as you beat Bradley to it, holding out a credit card between your fingers, excitedly pointing it towards him. 

Bradley begins to panic, patting down his empty pockets. “Babybear, where the fuck is my wallet?” He tilts his head down at you, a knowing look settling on his face. 

As the credit card is taken from you, your mouth stretches into a wide smile, and you crane your neck backwards to look at him. “I tossed it in the back of the car when you weren’t looking,” you gleam in satisfaction.

Bradley sighs in disbelief, no wonder you were so clingy in the car. 

“Is that why you were crawlin’ all over me during all the stop lights?” 

“Gimme a kiss,” you suddenly demand, cutting him off. 

Bradley blinks at your puckered lips.

It practically pulls him into a trance, because he’s already dipping his head down to give you a quick peck. In a strange way, it’s almost a perfect recreation of that upside-down spider man kiss scene. 

Ultimately, he decides to keep the comparison to himself. If he were to mention it, you’d most likely start gushing about another movie actor.

He’s already heard enough of Ryan Gosling lately.

“I know you can open your mouth bigger than that,” you frown in his lap, readjusting the bundle of fries between your fingers. 

The buckle of his undone seatbelt hits your ankle when you wriggle to find a comfortable position next.

Bradley licks the ketchup off his lip. “Yeah, you would know,” he teases, giving your butt a quick squeeze, sleazy look on his face. 

Somehow, he’s the same person who was barely able to order food for himself inside the burger joint that’s currently behind his parked Bronco.

Receiving a silent look of disapproval from you, he finally clears his throat. 

“Okay, someone didn’t find that funny,” he mumbles, stretching his mouth wider for you.

“A little more. Ahhh,” you sing, encouraging him to take the fistful of french fries. Under you, Bradley nearly chokes when you stuff one more in his mouth, slamming his jaw shut with finality. 

“I like when your mouth is full. Less talking,” you jut your chin at him, all too pleased with the lapse of silence. 

Bradley stills his chewing, raising a brow at you. 

“Ugh! Stop it. Keep chewing those fries,” you complain, reaching for the large root beer resting on the dashboard behind you.

Bradley grins, mouth full of food, holding you steady when you twist your middle to grab the drink. 

Swallowing down a large ball of potato, he leans forward, wrapping his lips around the straw, taking a long sip from the drink cradled between your hands. 

“Are you full?” You question, watching him lean back after finishing off the remains of the beverage. You decide to set the empty cup into the driver's seat for now. 

“Feeling so full, baby,” he groans, shutting his eyes as if it’ll help him digest it faster. 

Pursing your lips to hold back a laugh, you place a suggestive hand over his stomach. “Yeah? Feel it all in your tummy,” your voice drops to a lower register, mimicking his dirty talk from the other day. 

His eyes snap open, immediately.

The cramped Bronco, littered in empty paper bags and greasy wrapping paper jostles as he rushes to sit up tall. “You said no more jokes,” he scoffs, pinching your sides. What you said was worse than everything else he spat out tonight. 

“Hey,” you whine, scratching his bloated stomach with your nails. “Don’t act all mad big guy. I know you’re about to give in anyways,” you giggle. 

Bradley traces his teeth with his tongue, failing to conceal his growing smile. Because you’re right.

If you weren’t, he wouldn’t be thirty minutes away from home, favorite person in his lap and favorite cheat meal in his stomach.

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[jame7t]

do you know what to do with all these molted cicada nymph shells

Sure, they're not dead, but they still give off the same vibe to me. You know? The empty casings of a spent thing? Dust gathering in the recesses where something used to be? Sure, they're not dead, but they still set off my Necroentomophobia. Fear of dead bugs! Did you know that? Did you know people could be scared of dead bugs? Whatever. It's not the same as being scared of a bug, sure. But I can be scared of a lot of bugs. Sure, little things, like the humble lady bug- not scary. Butterflies, scant as they are, are only off-putting to me. The beautiful moth? Well, I love it, but I don't want to hurt it. It's whimsical, fat body makes me nervous. I don't want to squish it by accident! Because then it would be a dead bug.

And that's worse. It's like, not precisely a direct fear of a dead bug. It won't leap at me in a defiant rage, or be waiting for me around the scary corner. It's more like a shortcut to existential dread. It's a combination of 'ew!' and 'I am going to die one day' and more importantly, if a bug is dead, something has killed it. And you never know if that something is still lurking around. Just kidding. Do you know what a cicada shell is made of? That's right. It's the happy chitin! I don't have an issue with chitin. We're not chitinous beasts, but we have the enzymes to break them down. Humans, that is. This isn't a science fiction piece. This is my blog. I've always thought chitin was interesting though- it's a natural armor made for little guys ostensibly. Little guys in the sense, that it is for bugs only. Well, crabs have chitin, and they can get pretty big- The spider crab can grow over 300 feet in diameter. Just kidding, it can't do that. It's pretty big though. At this point, you'd think: 'Okay- crab reference, and a direct link to the enzymes to break down chitin. Do we eat them? Should we eat the Cicada shells?' Well, I'm not going to. That sounds kind of scary to me. Would you? Would you eat the shell of a thing? I can't imagine it tastes good. I'm eating potato chips right now. They're yummy, and crunchy, and in many ways- the opposite of the humble cicada's false corpse. A lying bug. A lying, cheating, swarming thing. A bug we don't like. A bug we have to deal with. Don't we have to deal with everything? Would it be easier to show less mercy to the little things? It wouldn't, and it would be mean. And that's worse. Anyway, to answer your question, you turn them into mulch, apparently. Or bury them in a hole. Through my research, those were the only two real options we have. There's also 'add them to compost.' So that's three, you have three options. Do you want my opinion? No? Moving on then. There's also a fourth option- a telling one, at that. A sort of 'secret option' lots of people choose. 'Let them decompose on your lawn.' Right? Right, the easy one? Might as well call it 'do nothing.' Doing nothing is always a choice, sure, but when you give me the choice to 'do nothing' in a game, or choose your own adventure, it always seems like a lazy choice on the developer's part. And sure, from your real life perspective, it's probably the easiest. But from a game design perspective? You have to account for the player sitting and watching. What happens if I don't intervene? What happens if I let it continue? Well, in the case of the empty cicada, they stink apparently. I've never noticed it, and we have cicadas here- but I've been lucky enough to never be out in or see a swarm. A predecessor of mine once recalled a story in which the swarm was so bad, you couldn't walk outside without crushing them on the sidewalks "Ew," is what I thought. Maybe they only smell if there's hundreds of them. Thousands? No, probably just hundreds. Not saying they wouldn't smell more if there were lots, I'm saying they probably start being noticeable at around a hundred. Nothing wrong with that. Not sure what the smell is, though. Do you? You should put them in a hole.

[putschki1969]

🇹🇭KEIKO Bangkok Pilgrimage🇹🇭

Imagine my surprise when I saw that the latest Niku&Choco fan club magazine contained a two-page feature of Keiko's private trip to Bangkok earlier this year. I had originally planned to spend a few relaxing days in Thailand with the one or the other more eventful activity but seeing all the things that Keiko had done, I naturally felt inspired to do the same stuff. First I needed to find out what exactly she had done, where she had gone and what she had eaten. I put on my Putschki Holmes hat and started researching right away. After some initial difficulties I was able to figure out almost everything. My friends helped provide some additional info and were of course kind enough to play tourist guide for me in some of the more confusing locations.

From what I can tell, Keiko must have stayed either around the Siam area or a little further out around the Sukhumvit line. Her activities were mostly limited to Siam Paragon (a big mall at Siam station) and Central Embassy (another big mall at Phloen Chit station). She also visited the Talad Noi district near Bangkok's famous Chinatown. Without further ado, let's get to it〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

❗This is FAN CLUB EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗DO NOT USE/SHARE ON OTHER SITES❗ ❗SUPPORT KEIKO and JOIN her FAN CLUB. Detailed TUTORIAL❗

Talad Noi

This area is famous for its gorgeous street-art. Keiko took lots of pictures in front of some of the more extravagant pieces. I tried posing in a similar manner but oh boy, I totally failed. It's almost embarrassing how horribly stiff I look in most of these...And you know what?! I ordered these exact pants earlier this month but unfortunately, they didn't arrive in time for my trip 😔How cool would it have been to take these pictures wearing the same pants as Keiko! *sobs* A huge thank you to my friends who joined me on this little adventure in Talad Noi. I never would have found these specific murals without their help. Also, kudos to us for taking approximately five million pictures in the sweltering heat. It was so hot and humid that day💦

Siam Paragon & Siam Center

Had a great time at Siam Paragon. The food court was amazing. A shame that I couldn't try everything in a single day. I decided to try the frozen yogurt from Yolé and a shabu-shabu set at Hitori Shabu. Wanted to try McDonald's too because I was curious about some of the Thailand-limited items but there was just not enough time for all that extra food. I only took a picture in front of the Fire Tiger place at Siam Center (not much of a smoothie person to be honest).

Central Embassy

Lots of yummy food to choose from at Central Embassy. Keiko did nothing but eat there it seems. I was only there for half a day so I honestly had a hard time deciding on what to try. Eventually I ended up going to the shaved-ice place "The Dessert by Kaithong Original" because I was craving something cold. I cheated a little bit with "Somboon Seafood" because I only went there to take some pictures with my acrylic Cakey but I didn't actually eat anything at the restaurant until a few days later. Went to another more popular branch with some friends and we ordered the famous crab curry. I also only took a few pictures outside of "Din Tai Fung", it's a shame though because I would have enjoyed some dim sum but honestly, that shaved ice thingy almost killed me

Airport

Last but not least, a final picture at the airport before it's time to fly back home.

[goingbuggy]

When you have time I would LOVE to hear your thoughts about post time skip buggy!!

Hi, anon! Sorry for the late-ish reply. I thought carefully about how I wanted to reply, but alas, here I am again, starting my metas in the strangest places. Anyways, here’s a seemingly unimportant question: Why is it funny that Buggy keeps failing upwards?

My answer also happens to be one of Pixar's 22 Rules of Storytelling:

"Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating."

You might be wondering why I chose this quote -- after all, Buggy manages to escape most conflicts by sheer coincidence. Take the canon-filler episode(s) “Little Buggy's Big Adventure,” for example; coincidence is the sole reason why he ends up on Gaimon’s island and eventually finds Alvida, one of his future allies. But for as much as Oda is guilty of using coincidences to benefit Buggy, he also creates coincidences to get Buggy into trouble. Sure, Buggy left on good terms with Gaimon/found Alvida, but only after:

Suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of Luffy

Losing most of his body

Being chased by killer fish/eaten by a ginormous bird

Nearly getting shot in the head by Gaimon over a misunderstanding

Being chased AGAIN by a deadly crab???? LMAO???

Buggy’s “luck” functions like a pendulum -- for every good thing that happens to him, horrible things are guaranteed to follow. This core aspect of his character is what keeps the gag afloat. Buggy is never rewarded by the narrative without experiencing consequences. In order to earn moments of respite, he has to suffer.

I find it hilarious when people argue that Buggy doesn’t deserve to have good things happen to him. Because, yeah? Duh. Oda loves having his cake and eating it too. It’s not necessarily good to play both sides with the audience when it can cheapen emotional impact, but Oda will absolutely continue to make Buggy both a complete joke and a genuine character. He has fun that way. However, he’s not going to help Buggy without hurting him first.

But that's a very meta perspective. How does Buggy view his own beneficial coincidences? He’s now an emperor, and extremely close to the One Piece/Pirate King title that he so desperately wants. But why does he think he’s being rewarded, in-universe?

His facade.

His devoted followers, his influence, that billion-berry bounty, his emperor status -- all of it stems from his fake persona and its snowball effect. He’s well aware of this. In fact, I think it’s likely that he hates himself for being such a coward and hiding behind lies. But when he sees his true self as worthless, what else can he do except dig himself into a deeper hole?

Look at 1082. Buggy finally stands up for himself, claiming that wealth and power come from chasing after your dreams -- not grand schemes. Here, he’s talking to himself as much as he’s talking to Crocodile and Mihawk.

“This is wrong… This isn’t how I wanted my life to go…”

It’s a very depressing peek at the man behind the curtain. Buggy only ever wanted to follow his dreams, but he uses schemes to get ahead instead, because they're all he thinks he has. His lies are a crutch to depend on, so he doesn't have to face the truth: he doesn't believe in himself. 

To me, 1082 reads as a "Hail Mary" moment from a character at an emotional low. Buggy still doesn't believe in himself, but he is saying: Fuck it. If Shanks and I finally have an equal chance at becoming Pirate King, I at least have to try... Right? We can confirm his lack of self-confidence, because Buggy even admits he got here by “luck or chance or whatever."

He cannot entertain the possibility that he'd get this far any other way. Of course he doesn't see himself as Shanks' equal. It’s one of many reasons he didn’t want to go with Shanks at Loguetown; he assumed he’d be working “under” Shanks (even though Shanks only said “Come with me!"), because he truly believes he is lesser in terms of potential/greatness. ("You coward!" can also be interpreted as Buggy projecting his own insecurities onto Shanks.) Buggy's decision in 1082 is a desperate leap of faith. "Go for broke," "shoot for the moon," etc.

Post-Timeskip Buggy may appear more dangerous than ever before, but in reality, he’s just a small fish in a big pond. The farther he crawls his way up the ladder of success, the worse he feels, because the life he has built is not how he wanted to live at all. Based on everything we've known about Pre-Timeskip Buggy, we should expect him to be happier than ever. He has influence. Power. His monetary value in the eyes of the World Government has shot up exponentially. But look at the poor guy. He's miserable.

If you've ever seen Better Call Saul, I think this scene from S4E9 is very similar to how I feel about Buggy:

JIMMY: There you go! Kick a man when he’s down! KIM: Jimmy, you are always down.

Buggy is a character who is always down, even when you think he might be up. Until he stops maintaining that false image, he will always be punished by the narrative pendulum he's trapped himself in.

Unfortunately, change is hard, especially with the stakes he’s currently facing. If Buggy actually has to fight Blackbeard, Luffy, or Shanks... he can’t. Not alone. He needs people to believe the facade, because that's what got him here in the first place. He may look invincible, but he is quite possibly the most vulnerable character right now.

Crocodile and Mihawk would sell him to Satan for one corn chip (especially after that stunt he pulled in 1082). We haven't seen him improve his physical abilities (unless Oda pulls some off-screen bullshit). As an emperor, he has more people gunning for his head than ever before. Buggy’s last line of defense is his long-running gag -- if Oda decides to subvert our expectations, he’s a dead man walking.

And who would he have to blame but himself? He built his image on smoke and mirrors. Eventually, he's going to have to pay the price.

If Pre-Timeskip Buggy is a man defined by coincidence, then Post-Timeskip Buggy is defined by consequence.

[evesaintyves]

@thethreebroomsticksficfest is having a microfic celebration for Harry Potter's birthday... but as usual my fic isn't very micro. here you go anyway.

The Underside

Harry's eyes keep meeting Uncle Vernon's in the rearview mirror.  It's two days before his tenth birthday. They've only been driving for forty-five minutes and Dudley's already been sick twice. Harry's pretty sure his aunt and uncle think it's his fault, somehow, but he's not the one who piled Dudley's plate with a half-dozen fried eggs this morning.

Weird things have been happening around him, though. That's the only reason they've brought him along instead of locking him up—he'd prepared himself to spend the day sipping underbrewed tea and letting his eyes glaze over at thirty years of snapshots of Mrs. Figg's dead cats, but when his aunt marched him over this morning, the old woman never answered her door. One of her cats was in the front window, switching its tail to and fro as she knocked and knocked, as if to say, time's ticking, Petunia, you're going to be late—

So, after a whispered argument in the kitchen—no, that boy's not to be trusted, we'll come home to the whole place in flames—his uncle dragged him by the arm to the backseat of the car. Dudley's brought along so many road-snacks and toy dumptrucks that Harry only has half a seat to squeeze himself into, but it's sort of nice. He doesn't get many long rides. Past the rows of houses and the repeating grids of car parks there are farms like he's seen in storybooks, rumpled over the hills, ribbed like green corduroy with cabbages in rows. Cows kneel in the shade of trees. What a life it would be, Harry thinks, to wander all day in the grass of a field, bothered only by the odd horsefly. Eating his fill. Surrounded by friends.

—

While Vernon's at the convention, Petunia takes them to the pleasure pier. Dudley tries for one of the big prizes, a stuffed gorilla that looks rather like his dad, but his strategy is to hurl the ball with as much destructive force as possible and he's swiftly banned from the Coconut Shy. He does the same at the pingpong ball and fishbowls, whipping the ball like he's trying to murder a fish, and while Petunia is arguing with the teenaged game-operator, Harry boredly tosses one of Dudley's unused pingpongs. It plops right into the centre of a fishbowl, where a longfinned red-and-gold fish circles it and issues a surprised silver bubble from its puckering mouth.

Petunia's convinced Harry cheated (and he's not entirely sure, actually, that he didn't. He's had a lot of weird luck and near-misses, lately. Last week, Dudley tried to hit him with a water balloon and it bounced off Harry's chest, hit Dudley square in the crotch, and made it look like he'd wet his trousers) so Dudley gets the fish, of course. It's in a few inches of water inside a plastic bag. He swings it around violently as they walk through the arcade.

I'm sorry, Harry thinks at the fish. I didn't mean to make things worse for you.

At the beach, while Petunia is buttering Dudley with suncream, Harry walks into the chilly water until it's up to his chest. The swells lift him off his feet, a bit, and the sand feels warm when he scrunches his toes. When he stretches out his arms and legs to float on his back, it's like the sea is cradling him, holding him up, and after a moment the sensation is uncomfortable for some reason so he curls into a ball and sinks under the surface, pinching his nose.

It burns a little when he opens his eyes, but he's instantly stricken by how peaceful it is under there and he doesn't want to close them. Above his head, there's the sparkling tumult of the waves. Below, the sand moves slow, like it's sleepy. There are the legs of other swimmers, kicking, oblivious. There's a spiky little crab with an orange pill-bottle for a shell. There's a grumpy-looking grey-green fish with rippling fins, flat and creeping along the bottom like it's trying not to be noticed. Harry wishes he could do that. He's always drawing attention to himself, blurting out a sarky thought when he ought to have just kept quiet, having some lucky thing happen that makes Dudley wail and Vernon haul him by the collar across the house and into his cupboard. If only he could stay here, in this secret world underneath the waves, where no-one on the shore even knew he was there...

A cloud of minnows, moving as one, drifts like a shadow in front of his face. They all turn sideways and seem to look at him with their iridescent eyes. He looks back, wondering if he's disturbing them, his chest starting to prickle as he runs out of air.

Before he can push off the sand and come up, all the little minnows rush at him, stroking their cool bodies along his cheeks, wriggling through his hair. He shuts his eyes, but just as quickly they're gone. He turns to see the grey ghost of them vanishing into the blue distance.

Then a hand is in his hair, yanking, and he's swallowing salt, breaking the surface and blind in the afternoon sun.

"You can't drown today, you knob, Dad's got a very exclusive dinner with a client," Dudley shouts in his face. Harry sputters, there's water stinging in his nose, and on the shore he can see Aunt Petunia waving her sunhat at the two of them, stepping along the lacy hem of the water like she's afraid to let it touch her feet.

—

"The double-augur—that's the crown jewel of the Heavy-Duty line," Vernon is telling Petunia, but in the rearview his eyes are on Harry like he thinks he's up to something. Harry's skin still smells faintly of salt. Dudley's plopped his goldfish onto the pile of plastic dumptrucks like it's just another toy. Harry picks it up and peers into the plastic bag; it's hard to tell because the car is moving, but it looks like it might already be dead.

"Cheap ruddy fish," Dudley sulks. "Didn't even last 'til dinner."

"All cheats, those game operators," Vernon huffs.

"We'll get you a better fish tomorrow, Popkin," cooes Petunia. "A couple of fighting fish, maybe, wouldn't that be fun?"

"I'd do myself in too if I had to share a room with you," Harry mutters. The back of Vernon's neck goes purple, and he nearly crashes the car shouting at Harry, and Dudley pinches his arm hard enough to leave a bruise, but Harry finds he's not bothered. He closes his eyes as the cabbage-fields are crowded out by houses. There's a world out there, huge and hidden, full of colours he's only seen in dreams, full of creatures and beautiful tricks of the light, and he'll get back to it someday—he'll take a breath, he'll dive down into deep water, and he'll open his eyes—

image: paul klee

[midnightcinderella]

Chill day ideas for the season 2 boys bc they desperately need a break from the nonstop drama

June

He comes across a stray cat on the island and it follows him around all day

He spends the day shadowing JJ to see if he ever actually does have appointments to do

He has to remodel the gardens and gives MC a say on everything from what flowers to plant to whether he should add a fountain

He inspects the kitchen to see if it's being properly maintained and free of any pests. He does find one, but it's a hermit crab

K has a day full of bad luck while June watches off to the side with some popcorn

Staff kahoot night. Winner gets to decide on the menu for the next week. A vegan wins JJ may or may not cry

He needs to refurnish some of the guest rooms, but knows jack shit about interior design

He's trying to put together a new theme for his phone and has MC tell him all her favorite things and send him a selfie. All the staff think he's typing away at his phone for work and try to sneak a peak at what he's ordering to be sent to the island

He has to taste test everything the kitchen staff may want to make in the future. He overeats and debates whether to call Henri or save himself the lecture and find his own solution

One of the staff gets pregnant and June has to research what she'll need to be comfortable and order them to the island. He also orders more food to be able to satisfy any cravings she might have later and every one of his predictions is wrong

Henri

He gets a patient who reminds him of MC and gets all mushy during the calls

He takes himself out to lunch for once, does some people watching, and curses all the couples

He gets a mild cold and uses it as an opportunity to test MC's knowledge of home remedies

He and MC try to decide on pet names for each other. He loves every one she picks, but says he doesn't just to fuck with her

He and MC dream up an imaginary future life together. They talk about what sort of house they'll have, any pets, any kids, whether they want to own or lease a house, whether they want to settle down or travel, etc

He treats himself through MC, telling her all the things he wished people would say to him

He goes and does something his family would never approve of. He decides to get a tattoo and MC helps him pick

He has to go to some formal event and spends the whole time playing a game where he sneaks selfies to MC and makes fun of the other guests for being so snooty and hypocritical. He spills enough tea to MC that she could make a tv show out of it

He and MC each decide what the other will eat that day and they both pick stuff the other would hate. During the bedtime chat, they find out they both cheated and ate whatever they wanted

MC reads/watches a story that emotionally destroys her and Henri walks her through the media grieving process, teasing her the whole time

[unreadpoppy]

Anyways, here are my favorite bears

These are not all species of bears, just my faves. Also, no order cause I can't brink myself to rank these babies. Under the cut cause longpost

Beggining with a lesser known one, the only bear species that exists in south america is the Spectecled Bear (also known as the Andean Bear)

They have this name because of the white/cream markings on their face that can somewhat resemble glasses! As I said before, they're the only south american species of bear and is the last short faced bear alive, and most are found in the Andes. I like them because look at that cute little face and also latino solidarity. Fun fact, Paddington is a specteled bear considering he is from Peru.

Now moving on. She is beauty, she is grace, she is the largest species of bear AND the largest land predator, she is the Polar Bear

Few fun facts. Polar Bear's scientific name is Ursus maritmus (which would very roughly translate to sea bear) bc of how much time they spend swimming (which also means they are grear swimmers!). They are the most carnivorous of the bears, and imo, they will eat anything that is made of meat. The reason you see so many pictures of mother bears hugging their cubs is because of the cold. Althought, when they are old, their fur is great to protect from the harsh weahter, when they are young they are still vulnerable to it, so mama bears hugs her cubs to keep them warm. Oh and another thing, I discovered that bears can do this thing where they'll find a hole in the ice where seals come up to breath and they just...sit there and wait for it to happen (and they can wait for a LONG time). I love how cute they are when they're young and how fierce they are as adults, and honestly, look at their faces, I love them a lot.

Next, we're back in the american continent, this time with the American Black Bear

The american black bear has a lot of subspecies, which are mostly different colors than their signature black fur, they are omnivorous (and they will eat anything, like i've seen videos of them eating crabs and moths), and also, they are really good climbers! They are mostly found in North America, and they are a bit more chill, like if you ever encounter a black bear, you can scare it away by making yourself look big and making loud noises. They don't have the shoulder hump that brown bears have, and their ears are more prominent (which makes them so freaking cute.) Also, there has been black bears who have made their dens inside of trees, which i think is cool .

Lastly, this might be cheating, but it's a subspecies of the black bear, which is the Kermode Bear

Mostly found in British Columbia, the kermode bear is also known as the spirit bear or the ghost bear, due to their white fur (important to note that they do not have albinism, look at their noses and eyes). The gene that makes them white is a recessive gene, so they are very rare. It's believed that they might be more succesful when hunting fish bc of their fur color, which could make the fish believe that they are a cloud. I love how different they are, how rare they are, and how beautiful they look, especially in contrast with the green around them.

As an honourable mention, I'll talke not about a species but an individual bear known was Grizzly 399.

(she's the mother in case you couldn't tell). She and her cubs can be found in the Yellowstone National Park, and she's the most famous brown bear in the world. She is famous for how many cubs she has had and raised (22 cubs and grandcubs) and she lives in proximity to humans (some believe that the reason she does that is to avoid the male bears when she has cubs). Also she has learned and taught her progeny how to avoid getting hit by cars, and she's a very old bear. (having 27/28 years, which trust me, for bears is a lot and she's still having cubs!). There have been hunters who claimed to have killed Grizzly 399 but they were all lies as she is very alive and well with her cubs. Also, forgot to mention, the reaosn she has had so many cubs is because while most bears give birth to 1 or 2 cubs, 399 often births twins and triplets, and she has had quadruplets which is very rare for most bears (and she raised them succesfully, which is even more impressive).

Anyways, these are my favorite bears.

[my-my-my]

For the Christmas Ask meme! :D

Glitter: What is the weirdest Christmas decoration you own/owned? Elf: Favourite Christmas memory?  Pudding: Name your perfect Christmas dinner!

Thank you for sending me these asks!!

Glitter: What is the weirdest Christmas decoration you own/owned?

So I answered a portion of glitter here, but I also wanted to share her:

She’s so cute, but she has a weird little dance when you press the button on her hand LOL. She does this shuffling motion and Jingle Bells plays.

I also have this frosty that watches me when I game or watch TV:

Again, image heavy, so more after the read more!

Elf: Favourite Christmas memory?

So I have two! The first one was during a Secret Santa with my cousins. When we were younger, we would do the exchanges at my aunt and uncle’s house where we would also play games, whether it be a board game, card or console. There’s 14 of us so it can get pretty rowdy lol.

One year one of my cousin’s cheated during a board game so when we played Jackbox, all of us that managed to get into the game room (if you know how Jackbox games work), would change our names to his name with some variation. Like I was “Super [name]” while another cousin was “The Better [name].” My brother was “Who’s [name]?” Lol safe to say that cousin hasn’t cheated again.

Another memory I have is during my family’s Christmas party, I always invite my friends. One of my friends is Muslim and her and my sister thought it would be funny if she was bartending (she wanted to bartend, even though she doesn’t and has never drank alcohol). Anyways she had no idea what she was doing but one of my uncle’s humoured her and gave her $50 LOL.

Pudding: Name your perfect Christmas dinner!

Ah!!! So we don’t do the traditional Christmas dinner in my family! Also just tropical island things, we eat soooo much seafood lol.

For my ideal Christmas dinner, I would have Sri Lankan crab curry and crab gravy/broth (we call it sothee/sothi). It’s my absolute favourite meal but it can get messy to eat, so we rarely eat it for holidays. My parents usually serve goat curry and eggplant curry at holiday parties with pittu (steamed rice flour with shredded coconut). I make baked salmon with asparagus and spicy maple chicken wings lol.

(I don’t have picture of my wings, salmon or the goat curry 🫣)

I love seafood so I would also get a sushi platter haha!! The platters on the right were from last year’s Christmas dinner with some friends!

One Christmas meal I had with friends, we had $1000 worth of deep fried crab and lobster (and some fried rice). IT WAS SO GOOD.

I also wanna add more desserts LOL I associate alfajores with Christmas!! I love them so much. These were some Argentinian alfajores I brought for a Christmas party (that I still think about).

I am a huge foodie hahahaha. I would so get Manal Bashir’s mocha cake! Chocolate sponge, dark chocolate ganache, espresso buttercream.

Thanks for asking these questions!!!

[t0bester]

My friend and I got really high last night and wrote this insane fan fiction about Patton accidentally eating Virgil’s forever weed brownie and it’s the most insane shit my brain has ever come up with. So anyways this is which part of said fic I assign you based on your birth month.

January: Armin from Attack on Titan showing up out of nowhere explaining that he’s not a girl. Patton yells out “Hey there Amen!” (As in what you would say after a prayer) and then dies

February: the writing style changing mid way through. Like it goes from normal writing, then I started writing like it was a script, then I went back to normal at the end

March: the end note being “did you like it?” and nothing else

April: Roman calling Dream (as in the MCYT) a wench, then killing him

May: Virgil almost being late for the fan fiction

June: at one point I referred to Virgil as Patton’s “Purple Menace”

July: Patton getting high and “rolling around like a crab”. Crabs do not roll idfk where I came up with this

August: the entirety of this specific paragraph: “OH NO!" Virgil screamed, running past Roman like the dramatic ass bitch he is. "MY FOREVER WEED BROWNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DX" "Your WHAT?" Logan screamed."YOUR WHaaaaaaaaaAT?????" "you heard me..... I know you did....." Virgil turned away with a dramatic hand over his forehead. Auther doesnt hate Virgil this shit is just so funny. Soz.

September: Logan and Janus having beef. I later explain that they are not in a poly relationship with Patton, I just can’t decide which ship I like more.

October: Dream being summoned by Heatwaves by Glass Animals

November: Virgil singing Ballet of Mona Lisa by P!ATD, but I make sure everyone knows that it sounds terrible over Heatwaves

December: At the end it’s revealed that Patton isn’t dead, but they accidentally buried him alive with Dream so now he’s stuck having to listen to Dream explain how he didn’t cheat in his speed runs for all of eternity and he cries a little bit because of it

[mariaofdoranelle]

"Ah yes, betrayal. I'm familiar with that." but it is a mermaid AU

The Cheating Client

Written for my Drabblefest

I had so much fun with this!! I have almost zero experience with anything mermaid-related but I love doing fic research, so I thought, what do mermaids do in their free time? Do they work? Do they have an economic system? What’s the social function of every marine being?

So I asked my cousin (who does marine life research) for help. Yes, he did call me crazy, but he also told me about crabs and cleaner shrimps. 🤣 And only DAYS later I realized you were probably asking for a mermaid x human fic which would’ve been a lot easier to write lmaooo but here it is!!

650 words, no warnings

⨯ ⁺ ✦ ･ ｡ﾟ⨯ ﾟ♡ ✧* ･｡* ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Watching the dolphins play with water bubbles was one of Aelin's favorite weekend activities. Too bad the amount of merfolk it lured was so big it made her bump into some unwanted merpeople.

Rowan Whitethorn was close enough to fit a blue whale between them, trying to catch her eye. Aelin looked away. Just to look back at him again, watching him scan the crowd with his deep green tail and his electric eels, one at each side. His eyes found hers again, so she had to look away once more.

He chose this.

And when Rowan first came to her, wearing that cute grumpy look in his pine-green eyes as he complained his rock home was filled with seaweed, she should’ve known this is how their relationship would end.

The hotter the client, the bigger is the betrayal.

She totally forgot Rowan worked as a security merman in those kinds of events making sure the dolphins won’t be disturbed, looking very hot intimidating between his electric eels.

The crowd dispersed after the dolphins stopped this week’s show, and Aelin swam away from there to avoid awkward interactions. However, Rowan didn’t try to mask his intentions like she did, so he swam faster and gently grabbed her arm.

“Aelin, hi.” He gave her a shy, close-lipped smile. “I sent you a flounder, but you didn’t answer my message asking for the crabs.”

“I didn’t feel like I needed to.” She squinted her eyes at him. “I passed by your house recently. It looked awfully clean.”

Rowan’s face fell, his lips parting as he sensed the ugly truth being revealed between them.

Aelin worked organizing crabs’ schedules. Homes made of rocks tended to get dirty and filled with seaweed, so merpeople came to her to request some crabs to eat it off.

So imagine her surprise when Rowan, one of her regulars, disappeared for a while, and when she passed by his house, it was as clean as a cleaner shrimp’s anemone.

Rowan’s mouth opened and closed before he blurted, “I can explain.”

She crossed her arms, silently nudging him in.

He continued, “My friend told me about this hermit crab service—“

"Ah yes, betrayal. I'm familiar with that." Aelin’s voice was bitter, her stomach hardening with the knowledge that her favorite client was nothing more than a traitor.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his eyes seeming truly apologetic at least. “If I knew Remelle—“

“Remelle?” Aelin shrieked. Her biggest rival of all people?

The end of her tail flailed, but Rowan stopped her from swimming away.

“It was a one-time thing, and I really regret it because she mistreats her crabs and…” he trailed, grimacing. “Her work ethic is a little fishy.” The ends of Rowan’s mouth twitched, but he was too smart to smile now. “Please don’t fire me from being your client.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Truth was, she couldn’t dismiss Rowan just because he looked for another crab service. He didn’t look happy about it either, but this doesn’t mean she wouldn’t give him a hard time.

“What if I make it up to you over dinner tomorrow?”

That piqued her interest. Aelin stood a little taller, eyeing him carefully. “Seaweed doesn’t fix shark bites, Whitethorn.”

Rowan crossed his arms, a playful gleam in his eyes as his posture stayed firm and strong, looking too confident for his own good. “What about Pirarucu?”

The air rushed out of Aelin’s lungs. Dear Mala, that fish was bigger than some whales. She snapped her parted lips shut, but still took a swift glance at his toned body. “That’s a hard one to hunt.”

Rowan sent her a poorly concealed smug look. “Anything for your forgiveness.”

“Good.” Aelin bit her lip in an attempt to hide her smile. “But you’re not forgiven yet.”

“Don’t worry, princess.” He cocked his head, an indecipherable look in his eyes. “I’ll work for it.”

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[renisrandom]

Fun fact

Did you know that sea turtle sometimes Eat anything

Ex.

Sea hawk turtles eat sponges

Leatherbacks eat Jellyfishes

Olive ridley eat Jellyfishes/Sea cucumbers/ F I S H/ plants and animals

And Green sea turtles Hatchlings usually Eat Animals and plants but between ages 5 and 7 They'll eat mostly Algae and S E A G R A S S but Adults and Juveniles sometimes Eat J E L L Y F I S H and S P O N G E S (Less frequently)

And loggerhead eats crabs, Conch, whelks, and horseshoe crabs and BTW They're known to Eat Portuguese Man o war, and other siphonophores

Lol the green sea turtle diet definitely works out for Renaissance. She’s supposed to eat vegan food since she is an herbivore, but will often cheat on her diet.

[bornforastorm]

mash 3

I promise I continue to tinker away at Mash 3, which is the Trapper-Goes-To-Maine + MASH Goes to Maine prequel to Crabapple Crabs. I've been working on this thing for so long I can't remember what snippets i've shared and what I haven't (embarrassing), but I think this will be new to u:

“Hawk, I’m sorry. I—“ He pulls back just a little, just to look in Hawkeye’s eyes. He looks wrung out, in the best possible way. Then his expression changes all at once into something more familiar. “Boy, you got gray.” 

It makes Hawkeye laugh. 

“I didn’t have anybody to look nice for after you left. And I ran out of shoe polish.” It’s a joke and a lie and Trapper’s mouth twists into a wry smile hearing it. 

Trapper looks pretty good— but skinny. He’d always been thin, though when they’d met in Korea he’d been fit, with muscles that Hawkeye had immediately noticed. The muscles are diminished now. Under his wet shirt that’s clinging to every line and angle of his torso, Hawkeye can see sharp shoulder blades, prominent collar bones, a rib or two. 

“I may be gray but, Trap, you’re so skinny.” 

“Me? Look at you.” 

“You are though. Look at these.” He jabs at Trapper’s ribs. 

Trapper opens his mouth like he’s going to contest the point. Compared to Hawkeye, who’s still pretty skeletal, he probably looks at least healthy. But Hawkeye knows better. He knows that for the first few weeks in Korea, before Hawkeye’d shown up, Trapper had barely eaten at all. The food was horrible and the situation was horrible and Trapper had nearly starved himself. Then Hawkeye had arrived and something about him had been able to rattle Trapper out of his funk. Taking Hawkeye over to the mess tent, listening to Hawkeye ask why he wasn’t eating, having Hawkeye put toast and coffee and powdered eggs in front of him. He’d eaten and they’d talked and he’d gone back to as-close-to-normal as possible, and his body, which hadn’t really had time to do more than go soft and sink a little, had bounced back fast. 

But now it’s been two years and clearly some of the depression induced non-eating has returned. And with time enough to really thin him out. 

Hawkeye says. “Come on inside, or the neighbors will talk. I’ll feed you. You gotta eat something.” 

Hawkeye steps back into the house in a daze and Trapper follows. Once they’re in, Hawkeye is at a loss. He doesn’t know what to say. He should wave them to the kitchen and get to work fattening Trapper back up— fattening them both up— but he stalls out just inside the threshold. To have Trapper here, dripping all over his floors… He never really got this far in his various idle imaginings. 

He’s glad his dad is away at that conference. 

He asks, “What are you doing here?”

“I said I’d see you,” Trapper replies sheepishly, but he’s still grinning. Still grinning even as he tries to tamp it down, but can’t. That grin can’t be contained. “I meant it.” 

Hawkeye eyes Trapper's lopsided grin and finds it too bright to look at for too long. Trapper’s looking at him like he’s a miracle, like he’s the moon on earth. “What did the wife think? Of you coming up here.” 

The grin shifts, but doesn’t lose any glow. “No wife anymore. Divorced.” 

“Boy, that’s too bad,” Hawkeye says, and he very nearly means it. He’s trying to keep his hopes down, in the same way that he’s trying to keep a little distance between them. His gravitational pull is dragging him back towards Trapper. By the way Trap is standing, clutching his own hands, Hawkeye gets the feeling he’s fighting gravity too. “Why?”

“All the cheating,” Trapper drawls with a shrug and too lightly, like it’s a joke. It’s what they joked about a thousand times, so maybe it is a joke. Hawkeye can’t believe that she’d leave him for real, actually, and over that, of all things. 

“Really?”

Trapper shrugs again, and maybe it was all the cheating, at home and in Korea, but probably it was more than that. Probably it was that Trapper came home a different guy, full of pain and grief and nightmares and stories. He’d changed over there. Probably it wasn’t conducive to a marriage. Or at least to that marriage. 

It’s sad, but Hawkeye laughs. Can’t help himself. He laughs big and boisterous and so hard it knocks him off his feet.

[willowfey]

Hi! It’s your holiday pen pal! I’m glad to hear your Decembrr is going well, if a little fast. Good thing you love a good rable, makes me feel lees guilty for asking you questions hahahaah.

Great answers for the dinner question, i love love love that two of them are irl people and two celebrities, feels like good balance. I have a killer hangover so I can’t think of three people rn but my number one choice would be my aunt who passed away when I was six, I miss her every day.

For today’s question: if you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? You can pick a starten, main dish, dessert and something to drink.

Hope you’re having a lovely Sunday!

omggg pls do not feel guilty about that, i LOVE being asked questions. of any kind.

and yesss i thought so too that’s why i couldn’t narrow it down haha. oof i hope ur drinking water and eating food so it passes quicker! that’s a good choice though<3

ok as a major foodie who’s bad at making decisions this is an even harder question… i love so many different countries’ foods it’s so hard to pick! like u could ask me to name top ten foods from every region in the world and i would still struggle. so i’m gonna cheat again and pick breakfast lunch dinner AND snack with a ramble for each lol.

breakfast: my starter will be a fruit salad with vanilla greek yogurt and almond granola topped with fresh honey. my main will be a sourdough breakfast sandwich with poached eggs, bacon, gruyère, tomatoes, arugula and avocado. my drink will be a mango peach strawberry smoothie. my dessert will beeeeee a stack of 1/2 chocolate chip waffles and 1/2 banana blueberry pancakes with strawberry and maple syrup.

lunch: my starter will be chips with fresh guacamole and salsa with lots of lime. my main will be a 1/2 carnitas 1/2 fish taco plate with mexican rice and refried beans with cotija + pickled carrots and jalapeños. my drink will be a mexican coke with sweet cream and lime (OR an ice cold horchata i cannot decide between these two for this meal). my dessert is gonna be a classic hot fudge sundae with churros to dip.

dinner: i was torn between asian and italian here but i have a strategy bc im already breaking the rules. we’re going asian. my starter will be 1/2 crab sushi and 1/2 bulgogi lettuce wraps with lots of kimchi and ginger. my main will be 1/2 sticky rice and 1/2 japchae with peanut chicken satay skewers. my drink will be a crème brûlée matcha with brown sugar boba. my dessert will be mango yuzu chantilly cheesecake TOPPED WITH a strawberry ice cream mochi.

snack: listen i have considered running a food blog for years i will do anything to include more food in this answer. we’re going italian for this. the starter is gonna be a charcuterie board with meat and cheese and olives and the whole shebang except half of this board is a caesar salad. the main is gonna be a dish that is 1/2 pasta primavera w extra fresh parmesan and grilled salmon + 1/2 macaroni and cheese w tomatoes and grilled tofu. the drink will be cranberry apple juice. the dessert will be a plate that has both tiramisu and pistachio cannolis.

(i’m also not counting tea as a drink bc i drink tea all day every day like water lol)

(and my midnight snack is gonna be a classic pb&j and an oatmeal raisin cookie bc they didn’t fit anywhere but i can’t leave them out)

i will not put u through the torture of answering the same question but do u have any favourite or go-to foods ?? 😅

[crimsonfluidessence]

Prompt 7: Morsel

Working at the Tribunal did have its perks. Sometimes you were invited into the office of two immigrant Sharlayan Viera workers at the paper pushing level for a nice chat over tea in the morning, and they invited you out to a fancy restaurant and offered to pay for everything.

Esredes was so used to Inquisitors that it was a breath of comfort to interact with other lowly office workers. He didn't have to tense up, straighten his back, and put on that certain tone. He could simply talk within a reasonable limitation. And no, when it happened, he did not question why two men he didn't know were inviting him out for a fancy dinner and paying. He simply thought of the free food and accepted.

Then came the actual dinner. "Feel free to order whatever you want, by the way. There's no limit." One of them said to him. "I am glad to hear." He said, and proceeded to order a fancy drink, and two appetizers. "Last time I was here was... awkward." "Awkward? How?" "Well. I had to witness drunken family drama. Not my family drama, but nonetheless that started because I was being used as a ploy. So, that was fun." "Seriously? That sounds wild. Not too surprising though, unfortunately. The richer they are, the more they love to fight over the dinner table." "Mhm. Wife accusing husband of cheating, saying I needed to fix their problems. Fun. Very, very fun. I love being a counselor sometimes." "Isn't it malpractice for a counselor to go to dinner with patients?" The other Viera chimed in. Esredes blinked. He wasn't a doctor, why was he bringing up that term? "No one there was my client. They independently contracted me for their staff." "Ahhhh... That's quite tricky." "I should've seen it coming, really, but." Esredes shrugged. "In the end, I enjoyed the food."

The waitress came back. Esredes ordered a Seafood Platter with a bowl of Seafood Bisque, as well as a Salmon Muffin. The other Viera sipped his drink. "An oyster drink and an oyster appetizer... I didn't even think about it." "Someone has a preference." Esredes remarked. "I suppose. Do you have a favourite seafood, Esredes?" "I like salmon. 'Tis why I threw in the muffin." "Salmon's pretty good." "That it is." "I like some raw fish, really." "I see." Esredes kept eating the appetizers.

"Do you think they sell wine by the bottle here?" One of them soon asked.  "Last I checked they did." Esredes said. "I see... It might be fun to get a bottle? That way we can all try a little. I haven't had that many Moraby wines before." "If you're willing to pay, Peter." His companion said. "I wouldn't turn it down." Esredes said. "Then when we get our food, we should get one. I'm fine with either red or white, you two can pick." "Red." Esredes said immediately.  "Red it is." And so they had even more alcohol by the time the main course came. "I bet it would pair nicely with, hmmm...maybe the key lime pie?" One of the Viera offered. "Probably." The other said. "Likely." Esredes said. And when the waitress came back, with his main course still mostly intact, he offered to her, "I'd like the Cheesecake."

The three of them continued eating. Esredes had still barely gotten into his food. "A shame we can't split the bottle, but I'm sure Esredes would enjoy it more than me." "Well, if you're offering, I wouldn't turn it down." Esredes offered. His companion slid the bottle over to Esredes with a smile. "Here." "Thank you." Esredes set it aside. "I will guard it with my life."

When the cheesecake came, Esredes did manage to eat the entire thing, along with the bisque. By that point, the restaurant was near close, and he retrieved a little glass box. He proceeded to put the entire salmon muffin along with the rest of the calamari and crab cakes into it. Then he put his entree into a brown sack and folded it up nice and secure. One of them watched this entire process. "That's very efficient," he remarked. "You just take those out?" "Well, I can manage the walk home without it all getting too cold. But that's what my stove is for too." The other one smiled. "What say we go out to dinner again sometime?" "I wouldn't be opposed to it. This was enjoyable." Esredes said. "I'm glad to hear it!" "Me too," said the other one. "I'm glad we didn't scare you off. You seem like an interesting person."

By the end of the dinner, Esredes still didn't know why these two invited him out, or really much about them at all. What he did know is he had an entire day's worth of food to eat over the course of tomorrow, and he didn't have to pay for any of it.

Having a small stomach had its perks sometimes.