#the celebrations thing is so easy to 'normalise' after a while

[batsplat]

I love your brain! like yes of course valentino should be a princess! (and a witch, who curses ppl) and the malicious story teller stuff!!!

*insert that photo where mick doohan is putting a crown on valentino, but make it a tiara instead*

also, the bike transforming into a blue haired anime girl in his dreams I feel like irl valentino would endorse this afdggjk

(x) somehow this is probably the cinematic vision that is most likely to get made. we already know he's into surrealist animation that's based on himself so it's like. not that much of a step. lemme sit him down and explain utena to him I wanna see something

for reference, the doohan/valentino photo

icl, in my head I remembered the crown already looking more like a tiara. like I'd lezzed up that crown in my head, made it a little daintier. that's actually a pretty normal crown. I mean, it's still objectively a bit of an odd photo to exist. but yeah. to me this is basically already princess-coded. shame his honda prince just couldn't treat him right

it's funny because he's such an absolute weirdo about this stuff that a lot of this bike characterisation is basically already... well, it's already true in his own head, isn't it. like how he'd hesitated over saying yes to yamaha because he was so attached to like... the honda not Because It Was A Good Bike but because it was one of his true loves or something

"I took pictures of myself hugging and embracing the rc211v" FREAK

and how the whole process of signing with yamaha was like. about liberation. but so hard to give up his girl and show up for this completely different girl who's likely to be mid for a while

like!! he really goes all in on the liberation stuff, but it's also.... he really saw something in that yamaha when nobody else did. it's a bit horse girl of him, but also for our purposes here the bike is spiritually very much the prince to swoop in and save him from his mental shackles. can the horse save the horse girl, that's what happened here

anyway, something about how... a lot of the scaffolding of utena's plot depends on kinda bizarre and straight up silly mythology that anthy and akio are quite directly responsible for... the duels, obviously, akio using his projector thingy, the letters from end of the world... to the point where it almost serves a disorientating effect, where the characters are increasingly immune to how nonsensical and weird everything is and stop even commenting on it. unless they get a shock to the system like nanami accidentally seeing anthy and akio................ uh. you know. and then there's something quite fun and engaging about valentino kinda,, brute forcing his vision on the sport - where increasingly a lot of the insanity involving him has become completely accepted to the point of being accepted, and everyone else is operating within his rules. the celebrations is an obvious totem for that general influence.... just something quite fun to hearing commentators speculating what he's trying to tell the world when he's dressing up as a prisoner or whatever, like they're actively engaged in this insanity valentino has set up. but it's also kinda about the legacy element, where you end up having the melandris and jorges of this world following in his footsteps and planning their own celebrations... nobody ever did it quite as much as valentino did, but even stuff like marc's title-winning celebrations, the dice or snooker table or whatever, are part of the same tradition. I had this moment watching maverick dress up as batman this year where I was like 'huh this would be a completely bizarre event if I were watching tennis or f1 or whatever but I suppose we do just completely accept it as basically normal behaviour'. and because for valentino, celebrations are such a big element of narrativisation of his victories, of explaining The Meaning of his victories, of telling the story of a win and his career... he's kinda ensured this sport as a whole ends up being super into exactly that style of narrativisation. all on the same wavelength in how bizarrely dramatic they are. is this not basically utena, artificiality of the narratives and all.... well, not really, but it is a little bit imo. valentino probably could've gotten a pre-race sequence where he challenges riders to duels introduced if he really put his mind to it

I was also thinking some more about the imagery he's big on, most notably all the sun and moon stuff (from here)

angry moon and angry sun!! so which one's supposed to be the happy-go-lucky one

you get the occasional grinning moon:

I would think it's fun and quirky and a bit of a subversion if the moon is actually like. the happy bit. and the sun is the competitive nature. even discussing this is all kinda funny, like how many athletes are this into inventing their whole little symbolic language you can theorise about? I'm engaging with this sport in the same way how utena, by the time she's like fifteen episodes in, doesn't even question how it's possible that black flowers can mind control students. these things are basically equivalent

anyhow I do miss the faces on the sun and the moon, they were a very early valentino aesthetic. and crucially it does fit into the reading of 2004 that's really about him... integrating those two natures. as I've repeatedly yapped about by now, there are no celebrations that can quite match the pointed cruelty of sepang 2004. sun and moon meet each other, destroying his enemy in whimsical fashion. so: with all this dualism valentino himself has introduced into the story, with all this symbolic stuff he was throwing at the wall in 2003, he's basically created the narrative himself wherein his prince (the m1) can swoop in and liberate the princess (vale) and allow the prince to revolutionise the world (idk self actualise ig) by integrating the sun and the moon or... or something. and becoming a witch is depicted as being pushed over the edge by a moment of crisis obsessed with achieving a singular goal... well, that's qatar, isn't it. devoted to his m1, has a crisis about coming close to losing the title, does a curse, plans a little sadistic celebration to ritually manifest his curse into existence. and also the bike is a hot anime girl prince he can do witchcraft with. valentino hmu I have a proposal for you

[eloisevisualculture]

the hypersexualisation of young girls in the media

The abuse and use of children for an adult’s personal gain is an issue that has always existed, regardless of the existence of the internet and the media. But the propagation of this platform (social media, entertainment or fashion magazines) has lead to a whole new sets of problems like the hyper-sexualisation of children, particularly young girls. The dictionary Larousse defines “hyper-sexualisation as “in society, the fact of giving an increasingly important place to sexuality, by multiplying references to it in the public space (media, advertising)”. In some cases this has been so normalised that criticism of these portrayals can be described as purist and excessive. What is the consequence of hyper-sexualisation of children in social media? The purpose of this essay will be to discuss the way the different ways children are sexualised in media and advertising and the effects it can have on their lives. It is not uncommon to hear the phrase “they grow up to fast nowadays” when referring to the youngest generations, as a result of their exposure to the media. Of course if the only thing young girls had to fear from acting like ‘grownups” was wearing makeup earlier in life, then there would be less cause for concern. Unfortunately, the dangers always revolves back to struggle of the ill- intentioned praying on the weak and easily influenced, and the continued danger of a patriarchal mentality passed down through generations. In the highly publicised fashion industry for instance, that holds a great influence on our society, there have been many instances of very young girls chosen as models, and put into adult life contexts. A notorious example is the 2011 edition of Vogue Paris, who published photographs of Thylane Lourby-blondeau, a 10 year old model who was pictures, in revealing clothes, makeup and jewellery, lying on a bed and looking at the camera with a sultry air.

It sparked a controversy and brought up the issue of the hyper-sexualisation children. Many people and parents stated that it was inappropriate and dangerous to picture a young child in an undeniably sensual light, and that directing a shoot to appeal to post-pubescent men, while the child was too young to understand the implications.  Thylane Loubry-Blondeau, on the cover of Vogue Paris, 2011, January edition Others defended it simply as ‘art’, the portrayal of a girl playing dress up, which ultimately does little to justify morals. Art was also the excuse Irina UNESCO gave after photographing and publishing albums of her daughter in sexual, pornographic scene, also nude, from the age of 4 to 11. In an interview with the purple magazine, Ionesco reflects on how her mother used her for years for her own personal gain and career, her works being widely known because they were so scandalous; “She would put make-up on me when I was a child. I slept very little, didn’t go to school. She took erotic photographs of me and made me act in erotic films, of which I was the subject. It wasn’t just about the photos — her entire approach was abusive. Sometimes she would send me to other photographers. She’d say: “You’re going to see such and such a photographer. It’s not great, but you’re going anyway.” It was becoming very dangerous.”(Ionesco). One of the disturbing things about the work Irina published about her daughter is that it is still available to purchase today, and even praised for it’s artistic value.

Eva Ionesco in her adult years has described in detail the “loss of childhood” and the life long effects she had to deal with from being sexualised and abused from such a young age “You were thrown into a world of adults, of nightlife, sex, and art very young — from the age of 12 or 13. And in one of the most liberal periods we’ve seen so far in terms of morals.” She went on to write a film inspired by her childhood and relationship with her mother. As with everything, it is important to avoid blind censure, and condemn anything without a deeper understanding. It is very easy to doggedly pursue a cause and become set in our opinions, and not allow freedom of expression to well meaning individuals, if their children are understanding and willing participants. The artist Sally Man was criticised for publishing nude pictures of her children. They were done as a celebration and a chronicle of her children’s evolution, childhood and slow progression to adulthood, and were done with the children’s understanding and consent, as was made clear in an article in the New York Times “The collaboration of the children in their mother’s work is apparent to anyone who spends time in their company. They are impish, argumentative participants, not robots. (When a photographer asked them what kind of portrait of their mother should accompany this article, they shouted, “Shoot her naked, shoot her naked.” She did.)”(2015).

Sally Mann put the safety and wellbeing of her children above personal gain, choosing to publish her photo album ‘Immediate Family”, when the children would fully be aware of their choice. “I thought the book could wait 10 years, when the kids won’t be living in the same bodies. They’ll have matured and they’ll understand the implications of the pictures. I unilaterally decided.” (2015). One of the effects of the explosion of social media, and their ease of access, is that young children know have the ability to not only watch content that might not be suitable for age but to create content themselves. On Tiktok for instance, there is a lot of content based on visual, and sensual appeal, like women doing suggestive dances in revealing clothing. Women who are old enough have the experience and sense to be fully aware, and take distance themselves from the comments, they are doing it for their own enjoyment. Young girls watch these videos and see the adulation and attention these influencers get, and want to try it out for themselves. Dr Elaine Kasket explains this system on TikTok is artificially amplifying a natural phenomenon. Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up.

"Teenagers are naturally interested in taking risks and they’re naturally interested in finding out about sex and The sexualisation of young girls is an issue which can be confused, but is also linked to their natural desire to imitate their mother, or older siblings. Every single child has tried at some point to act like their parents. But with the rise and ease of access of social media (instagram, TikTok), children have access to whole new world, and many try to imitate what they see on these platforms. discovering themselves as sexual beings and exploring that. "They are open to flattery, they are open to seduction, they are open to the verification they get from the hearts they get and the likes they get”. (2020, The Sun)Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up. Through their imitation of sexualised adult women on the media, young girls inherit patriarchal and misogynistic ideals that superficial beauty determines their worth.The child beauty pageants are intensely popular in America, and raise a lot of money for charity. They parade toddler and young children in false nails, high heels, heavy makeup and heavy wigs, and are trained like performing animals to smile, pose and wave at the camera. 

Naturally, many people argue that the simple fact of wearing makeup does not affect the girls in the slightest, and while that is true on the surface levels, there is much more than meets the eye. By dressing them up in all these gowns, and covering them in makeup and accessories to make them look “prettier”, the young girls are being taught that their natural appearance is not enough, and  moreover that they need all these additional to get praise and win in life. 

These little girls might enjoy looking “ like a princess”, but they are also adopting restrictive and superficial beauty ideals, and learning the all importance of appearance. Naturally, it is important to avoid completely vilifying pageants, they are not always the traumatic experience described by anti pageants or even shown behind the scenes pageants show. In her article for The Cut Goode collects the testimonies of other pageant stars and they are a mixed bag. Some describe that they have fond memories of competing, as ' bonding experience with their mother. An other used the platform to raise awareness about suicide, after her mother took her own life when she was 10 years old.But most often pageant are for the parents gain, and while women and mothers are often the ones organising them, they are, unknowingly or not transmitting the pressures of performative femininity to their daughters. Perpetuating a patriarchal and misogynist mindset in which Women must prioritise their appearance above all else, as the only thing giving them value. 

And this cult of appearance and the emphasis on changing your appearance too fit the standards is the reason why eating disorders are so common in young girls and women. It could be argued that this is not the same as sexualisation of young girls, but beauty ideals and sexualisation are often intrinsically linked, especially if children are trying to abide to rules set by adults.  While this essay has been essentially focussed on young girls, because they are the most targeted and at risk, the sexualisation and perpetuation of beauty ideals gives a toxic example to a future generation of men. Young boys are taught from a young age that pretty girls must look a certain way.

Conclusion:The sexualisation of children is a topic that is heavily discussed, by those against it and those who deny it’s existence or effects. The fact remains that sexualisation along ever occurs for an adult’s personal gain, or benefit.Little girls want to be pretty and attractive, but it is rarely for themselves.Admiring and wanting to be an adult is the most natural thing in the world, it is just tragic that they incorporate toxic ideals of femininity and beauty at the same time.

Bibliography

COTTAIS, C. LOUVET, M. (2021). The dangers of the hypersexualisation of young girls: a stolen childhood​. ​growthinktank.org.​ ​[online]​ Jan. 2021​. at https://www.growthinktank.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/The-dangers-of-the-hypersexualisation-of-young-girls_-a-stolen-childhood.pdf(Accessed 8 apr 2021)

Woodward, R. B. (2015) ‘The disturbing photography of Sally Mann’. The New York Times. At:https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/magazine/the-disturbing-photography-of-sally-mann.html(Accessed 5 apr 2021)

Cuties (2020) Directed by M. Doucouré. Available at: Netflix (accessed 20 April 2018)

Ionesco, E.(unknown date) ‘Eva ionesco’. Interview with Eva Ionesco. Interviewed by O. Sham for The Purple Magazine, Paris issue num 32At: https://purple.fr/magazine/paris-issue-31/eva-ionesco/ (Accessed 9 Apr 2021)

Good, L. (2012) ‘I was a child pageant star: Six Adult Women Look Back’. The Cut. (November). At: https://www.thecut.com/2012/11/child-pageant-star.html (accessed 18 April 2021)

Hall. D. ‘How ‘supercharged catnip” Tiktok is fuelling the sexualisation of young girls an exploitation of teens.’ The Sun online. At: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/10941512/tiktok-catnip-sexualisation-teens/ (Accessed 18 April 2021). 

[piermanwalter]

Thief’s Apprentice: Civil Servant Triumvirate

What does it take to keep a city of immortal skeleton wizards functioning? These revenants are the antithesis of the bros: a semi-legitimate politician who won’t fall for petty scams, another large sealed container, and a guy who breaks into houses and attacks people but legally.

The Mayor of Veilheim

Although elected by the literate class as The Mayor, The Mayor isn’t a Veilheimer or even from Surenia. His outsider status is celebrated as bringing an end to cultural and political stagnation, but has caused some problems. Counter to Veilheim customs, he still treats his children and grandchildren as family even though he died decades before. The Mayor’s continued contact with them is seen as unnecessary interference with the affairs of the living. Integration between living and dead society has swung back and forth throughout history, although recently the living in Veilheim have gone from viewing the world outside the living district as another plane of existence to coming and going as they please (only if they are plaguebearers) within a few generations, as orchestrated by The Mayor. 

The Mayor’s political platform is normalising death so the living die happier and produce less madmen. Under his rule, living apprenticeship under dead Masters has increased, a few living businesses such as perfumers and the Rambush family distillery now serve the dead, and skeleton prostitution is decriminalised (for health and safety reasons it’s still illegal for anyone who’s not a skeleton to be a prostitute). The Mayor also implemented the infamous and controversial Destitution Inducing Tax Law, which reduced 1000 of the richest Veilheimers being taxed 0.1% of city budget per year to 100 of the richest Veilheimers being taxed 1% of the city budget per year. The repercussions of this law will be discussed later. With increased working population and ending a few monopolies, Veilheim’s self-sufficiency caused some diplomatic issues with other cities, such as Villa Princeps and Alhambra, which used to count on Veilheim for trade. The Mayor dealt with this by decreasing staple food and fabric imports, but increasing imports of luxury items from outside.

As well as being a functional statesman, The Mayor is also a great wizard. As covered before, magic is the energy derived from souls dying outside the body. Wizards can’t perform magic on their own, but can effectively use magic items, objects with pieces of mage souls in them. To use a magic item, a wizard needs to convince the soul piece inside to die for their sake. Thus wizards are all monstrously manipulative. The Mayor keeps a stash of magic items from his home country that nobody else can use because the souls inside all speak a different language. 

During the uncertain early years of his reign, The Mayor resorted to a lot of secret crimes to stay in wealth and power. After things stabilised, The Mayor has been able to stay in power via legitimate means for a long time and has worked to erase his history, but some elements of his criminal past come back to haunt him, including you. Some of his deals have gone on for so long with people so dangerous he hasn’t figured out how to end them yet. 

Noble Porter

About 10 years ago, a pirate crew attacked the city and were all arrested. While awaiting trial, some pirates died in the cell and went mad, killing and eating the rest, forming into one single creature composed of at least 8 pirates. Temperament stabilised by being made of so many people, the resulting being’s imposing size and treasure-protecting pirate instincts led to new employment. Noble Porter, most noble of porters, delivers state documents within Veilheim and also to other cities by putting them in the big cabinet. The key is delivered separately a few days earlier to the document’s recipient. Then Noble Porter finds you and kneels so you can reach the cabinet and unlock it. Noble Porter’s head is literally and metaphorically filled with state secrets. Noble Porter is constantly surrounded by guards and seems physically incapable. Despite Noble Porter’s helpless appearance, don’t forget the composition of at least 8 pirates who spent their lives killing and looting and died cannibalising each other.

Noble Porter has a very nondescript personality, can’t speak, and takes a very long time to make decisions. Noble Porter must always be referred to without pronouns, since Noble Porter lacks the mental faculty to comprehend anything other than the proper title. It’s easy to infer complete stupidity from this, but Noble Porter has a surprisingly good idea of the general vibe and often bails out of suspicious situations before they begin. How much Noble Porter likes you is determined by how long it takes you to unlock the cabinet. If you use the wrong keys too much or unlock the wrong drawer first, Noble Porter won’t like you. Noble Porter may also relock locks, change pin combinations, and shuffle documents into other drawers. It usually takes a few minutes to get the cabinet open, but you can use this to your advantage by robbing people while they are distracted. This has inevitably led to Noble Porter liking several specific nobles because they get delivered important documents a lot. This is about as fair and efficient as the standard workplace email. How has Noble Porter managed to accumulate the wealth and prestige prerequisite to being a noble without any language skills? Pirate hoarding instincts.

If Noble Porter doesn’t like you, documents will take much longer to be delivered. If Noble Porter likes you, documents will be delivered quickly and sometimes Noble Porter will deliver extra handwritten nonsense letters and random objects. These nonsense letters are starting to become a currency in high society. Noble Porter is also married to Cylinder Locksmith, who has an unfair advantage because she installs the locks into the cabinet. Is she purposefully being exploitative? It’s hard to tell.

Tax Collector

Despite being rich and influential, Tax Collector is seen as being on the same level as other Collectors, such as Rag Collectors, Dung Collectors, Ash Collectors, etc. Tax Collector has been around for at least 500 years and thus has cultivated an extensive legacy of terror. As per Veilheim’s traditional tax policy, if someone can’t or won’t pay taxes, their share will be paid by increasing taxes for other taxpayers and also Tax Collector will drag them out into the street and stab them, after which they are ridiculed by the general public and reviled by other taxpayers who had to pick up their slack. It’s possible to regain some clout by stabbing Tax Collector back. This happens often enough that it’s legal to stab him as he’s stabbing you (it’s still illegal to stab him at any other time). If you are a chronic tax evader, instead of stabbing you in front of your house, Tax Collector will drag you into the judicial district and stab you in the main square. It’s considered a great honor if Tax Collector stabs someone with the same thing you stabbed him with. Sometimes there are multiple rounds of tax collecting, where Tax Collector collects taxes from those who can pay, stabs those who can’t, then calculates how much extra needs to be paid, collects that from those who can pay, stabs those who can’t, and so on until he reaches a monolith of riches who pays for like 18% of the city budget.

Aside from tax collecting, Tax Collector is also involved with antiforgery, crime scene investigation, and tracing the origin of stolen goods. His giant soul from old age and also work experience makes him an excellent alchemist. Alchemy is the study of how souls affect chemistry. For example, if a chunk of limestone is mined by someone and put on the back of a donkey and unloaded by someone else, then burned into quicklime by a different person, the resulting calcium oxide still carries tiny fragments of the souls of three people and one donkey. Not nearly enough to be a magic item or affect its physical behavior, but still enough to be detected by an alchemist. If you touched something, Tax Collector knows. 

After his workload of 1000 people a year was reduced to 100 people a year by the Destitution Inducing Tax Law, Tax Collector is much more involved in normal law enforcement, turning him from an annoying figure among high society to widely reviled by all. As intended by the law, 1% of Veilheim’s yearly budget is enough to drive someone to destitution. Because productive property (things like food, tools, buildings of labor, working animals, and industrial materials) are counted for tax purposes as much less than other things like leisure buildings, precious metals, and jewels, people on the verge of being in to top 100 rush to convert their riches into raw flax, iron bars, and live sheep. Those unfortunate(?) enough to still be considered rich after this often have their life’s work erased. If revenants don’t die, to maintain a functioning economy they must be killed financially. The young by comparison are still afraid of this, but old revenants driven by greed to accumulate as much as they can often lose the will to live after they can no longer grow their wealth as fast as they used to and even the biggest diamonds makes them feel nothing.

Tax Collector! Render me destitute and give my life meaning again!

Then there are people like Noble Engineer and Sporadic Miner who are so absurdly rich that paying 1% of the city’s yearly budget doesn’t significantly affect them.

[sleppur]

spectrums.

i figured an explanation was better. identity is so confusing, even when i have all the words to understand. sometimes i think i know one thing but then i realise i don't. of the three people i've liked in my life, the first was a "crush" and barely one at that. i was almost eleven and it lasted a week. we then became best mates for the next three years. the second was, as i understand it now, sensual attraction not romantic attraction. and this happened ten years after the first. the last one, a year later, was romantic, but also sensual and emotional. all of them were aesthetic at the time, but definitely not anymore. my only language back then was that i “liked” them. all of my "celebrity crushes" were aesthetic attraction, but not anymore. (i have none currently). looking back, i don't understand myself or thought process with these things. (also, all of these are hetero, or towards male presenting individuals). i have been saying grey-ace recently but i think just ace makes more sense. it is easy to confuse different types of attraction, especially sexual and sensual, which i have. i learned that there was a difference between sexual and romantic attraction probably near the end of undergrad. while that was a lightbulb moment, i pushed it aside and went back to being distracted and depressed (not due to this). i've been rethinking things lately. i know things are a spectrum and fluid, so things may change. as for ace, i don't think that's changing. i know i am in between the indifferent and repulsed type when it comes to myself. everyone else can do whatever they want but i don't want any part in it. as for romantic, i don't know if i am going to use the term grey yet but it seems sort of fitting. i don't understand relationships and why they're so important. i am indifferent to them. i don't need dates or gifts or over-hyped holidays. it feels somewhat like a void to me. so i may use grey-aro but i know that could well change in the future. i need to allow myself the space to explore these things. i have to give myself the opportunity to discover how i feel, or if i feel these ways at all. so for now, i am taking away the grey. (it also seems like it was just a way for me to feel somewhat more "normal" in my head, whatever that means). it's just ace. me: asexual. maybe a bit queer (which is an easier word than trying to explain all this). note: i need to keep repeating this aloud to myself so i can normalise it. /4:35a.

[justhereforseverus]

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

Chapter 5: Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war

During your first "lesson" with Severus Snape, you get a flashback of something long forgotten and avoided.

Notes:

This is angsty. TW: for shouting abuse, horrible teachers, classmates, and almost passing out.

Yes, I know a real flashback doesn't work that way but this is what I can produce with my limited writing abilities. Thank you so much for reading! I've also wrote some very emotional, romantic, loving, intense scenes for the future chapters and I can't wait to share them.

Chapter Text

I slept like a sweet little lion cub. Ok, no idea if they sleep well but that was the first thing that came into my mind this morning. I felt refreshed, full of energy and entirely at peace. Gosh, that sleeping potion was truly magic. I basically hopped into the great hall for breakfast and Remus looked at me like I’ve turned myself into a unicorn and exclaime: “What the hell happened to you? You look almost like a normal person today. Are you the real (y/n) or did you simply have a good night’s sleep?” I sat next to him and eagerly poured myself some pumpkin juice. “Yes, actually I slept like a baby. Severus’ sleeping potion is really something. Highly recommendable 10/10. Might work for you, too, you scruffy little dog.” He jokingly stuck his tongue out and finished eating his pancake before saying: “First of all: I’m anything BUT a little dog and I think scruffiness is not a negative thing because it makes me look cute – I let out a small ironic haha at this – “and secondly: Congrats! He didn’t poison you! That means he tolerates you, which is better than what the rests of us get: pure loath and hatred.”

“Doesn’t he also make your wolfsbane potion?”

Yes, but I’m convinced he’s putting something in there that causes headaches afterwards just because he can.”

“But you can’t prove it, dear! Anyway, any plans for the weekend?” “Yes, I have a date with my very attractive girlfriend Tonks so sorry no intercourse this time unless you’re open for a threesome.”

“Stop it! No, thank you, I’m good! You’re hanging out way too much with Sirius. I haven’t forgotten how he flirted with me the first time we’ve met. Worst pick up lines ever! But I’m happy for you. I don’t have any plans, yet but we’ll see. Might get a bit of reading done.”

“How boring but that might be just the perfect weekend for you. If you want to you can ask our dungeon bat to join. Maybe he feels social for once.”

“Haha, very funny. But either way I’m glad to have a bit of a break from teaching.”

I appreciate that Remus is so open and easy to be around with. Sometimes I fear we became best friends way too fast but it’s like in school. You click with someone and it’s you and your best friend against the world. His girlfriend Tonks has been in his life for a couple of months now and gosh they are so in love it makes me happy. Makes me miss having a crush and a relationship sometimes. I haven’t been in one for ages. I’m just scared and don’t connect that way with people. Well, unless you count celebrity crushes, fictional characters and poets long dead and gone. Hopeless indeed. I wish Franz Kafka’s ghost would actually be available, but he wasn’t a wizard so anyway...

When I passed my pidgeon hole in the faculty office I saw a tiny parchment roll bound with a green band. I opened it and read: “If you’re free this weekend, we can begin our lessons tomorrow at noon. Research which potions you’d like to learn and prepare their specific names. If you’re unable to come let me know through an owl, as I’m not coming into the teacher’s offices anymore for today. Yours Sincerely, S. Snape.” Ok, that’s my weekend settled then.

On Saturday, I arrived at the potion classroom with a long roll of parchment containing the potions I’d like to make, a thick notebook so I can make notes, and my fluttering nerves bundled together in my stomach. To be honest, I was nervous and this felt like a math exam. Perhaps this wasn’t the best idea after all. However, upon entering the classroom, Severus presence calmed me somewhat. I know others wouldn’t feel that way when entering the classroom. Yet, I simply feel like meeting someone familiar. Is that strange? Am I making sense? Probably not.

We discussed some of the potions I had in mind and he chose one of the simplest for a start. He put the instructions on the Black Board and I, as his temporary student, sat at the front table. I felt nervous and it was difficult to not see myself as a teenager again. Here and there did he tell me how to put ingredients into the pot or how to cut them rightly but apart from that he focused more on supervising. The potion was easy but I’ve never dared to try it myself without equipment, ingredients or someone to look after me. Unfortunately, I also forgot why my self-confidence and trust in potion making has disappeared. While looking at the flask turning a bright green with reddish streaks, I remembered something. It felt like I’ve seen this before. I’ve been here before. I started shaking and my mind went blank. It was like a deja-vu, a flashback to something I’ve completely forgot and actively pushed away from memory. How could I forget the main reason why I’m not doing this? I heard shouting in the back of my mind, my equipment pushed to the floor, glass breaking, a man shouting, screaming in my face and the entire class laughing. How could I ever forget this? I started shaking and the knife, which I used to cut some radish looking things fell from my hand to the floor. My vision went black and my knees became weak. Suddenly, I felt arms around me, heard a voice calling my name from very far away. I looked around and saw Severus with panic on his face, trying to lead me to a bench that was put against the wall. I remember sitting and he giving me a cup of something warm to drink. Slowly I got back to reality and my vision normalised. I felt Severus holding both my shoulders to make sure I don’t fall to the floor. When it came to me what happened, I only muttered an apology and held my face in my hands. He didn’t say anything for a while, put his long coat over me and then proceeded to finish the potion and put the equipment away. He then returned to my side still silent. After some minutes, he asked: “How are you?”

I was embarrassed and felt nothing but shame. I apologised again and stood up wanting to leave the classroom but he stopped me in saying: “Please don’t leave. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We can simply forget that happened or not. That is your choice. I won’t ask. I’m not mad. But stay. I don’t think it’s wise to go up all the stairs when you haven’t recovered, yet. I don’t want to be responsible for any deaths in this castle.” I looked at him and he sat, arms and legs crossed on the wooden bench looking towards the floor. I obliged and got back next to him. “I forgot.” I said “I forgot why I gave up on potions. Why my grades have been mediocre or down right only passing. I forgot otherwise I wouldn’t have put you in this position. I’m sorry.” “You’ve apologised two times already that’s more than enough.”

“Sor -I mean. Yes.”

“I can be a horrible teacher. I know that. It’s not a profession I chose willingly, not that this would be an excuse. I know it’s not right. Yet, I never scream. I try to control my emotions at any times and let words speak for themselves. Whoever was responsible for this memory didn’t have the right to do what he did. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You outgrew him.”

“Thank you but… how?

“Obvious when you’re holding your hands over your ears and mutter ‘Please stop shouting’.

“Oh…..”

“As I’ve said: It’s fine.”

We sat in silence for a while and I sipped at my tea. When my spirits came back, I tried to lighten the mood as I always do in these awkward situations: “Are you giving tea to your frightened students, too or am I an exception?”

“My students usually hate and fear me behind my back so I’m afraid I can’t offer them this. Furthermore, it would ruin my reputation. If they want to be cuddled they can go to Minerva with her endless supply of biscuits. No, this is something reserved for grown-ups. English courtesy you might even say. When you don’t know what to do. Make tea.”

“I see. You’re not that frightening to me so far.”

“As I said. You’re my colleague, not my student.”

“Yet, you seem to be nicer to me than to the rest of my colleagues.”

“Maybe. However, I’d argue I’m a role model of courtesy and politeness.”

I chuckled at this “Remus wouldn’t agree.”

“Well, me and Remus have a difficult relationship.”

“He said exactly the same and yet I like you both.”

“Interesting indeed. We’ve barely talked.”

“Just a feeling. Thank you, Professor Snape."

“Call me Severus. No need for useless titles here.”

[shanicemosman6-blog]

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[theclaravoyant]

I love your response about Fitz and writing platonic fanfic. I’m guilty of focusing on Fitz as part of Fitzsimmons, but I also adore him as an individual. I sometimes find it difficult to write a “platonic” Fitz-centric story because his love for Jemma has indirectly affected pretty much everything he does (brain trauma). Even if it’s not an explicit focus, I think it’s easy to pull it into any story revolving around him because she has impacted him so much as a person (hello, Framework)

Thanks, I’m glad to hear it!

As for finding it difficult to write a platonic Fitz-centric fic, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I too, enjoy writing ballads about him writing ballads about Jemma. The depth and strength of his love for her is a beautiful, beautiful thing and I love celebrating that too, it only becomes a problem for me when there’s so much more of it than other stuff about him.

That said, while it’s important to be critical, overthinking anything, especially stuff like this, will always lead you back to a certain place, so you’ve gotta cut yourself (and other people) a bit of slack. What I mean is, our interpretations are always shaped by our expectations and emotions, so if you’re looking for a character to be misrepresented, exploited etc, - or in this case, if you’re looking for Jemma’s influence on everything Fitz has ever done - chances are you’ll find it even if it’s not really there, or at least not as obvious as it may seem.

It’s important to remember with this sort of thing that the reality is: none of us, neither humans nor characters, actually live an individual life. We are who we are in large part because of the people we know and love, and the experiences we have because of them, both good and bad. This is especially strong for Fitz & Simmons, because even before they got together romantically they were very close friends, and by this point they’ve been very close for almost half their lives - romance or not, that’s going to have a very deep impact on a person’s life, feelings, and identity. There’s no need to remove that and in fact, it’s probably best not to try too hard to avoid it as part of either of their identities.

The trick then becomes not letting it be the only thing about their identities. Again, overthinking this is a terrifying beast, but the way I do it is I by thinking of the platonic element as adding something, rather than avoiding the romance of it. This may seem obvious, so maybe I’m not explaining it properly, but for example, jumping off some of the things you mentioned above:

- Fitz’s brain injury may be tied strongly to Jemma in terms of how it happened, but it’s also tied to Ward. It’s also tied, perhaps, to whoever inspired him to take that sort of morality or personality that drove him to that decision (eg. maybe his mother). You can also talk about it with the primary reference being Daisy, or Mack. Maybe they’re helping him with some new technology or other communication mechanisms on top of or instead of “Jemmaginary”. There was also this huge “Bobbi and Fitz bonded over their injuries & recovery” thing that canon didn’t tap into as much as they could have. Goldmine!

- What does Fitz do that Jemma doesn’t do? Put him in a world that Jemma’s not really in. Give him friends in computer science, have him spend time with Mack in the garage, get him to watch movies or play video games with Daisy that Jemma would have no interest in, etc. You don’t have to mention that Jemma doesn’t like these things; just have Fitz do them, without Jemma, normalise the idea that he does things without Jemma and doesn’t feel the need for Jemma to be there. You don’t have to cut out every single line that mentions her, she hasn’t completely disappeared, but just don’t explain everything Fitz does in terms of what Jemma does or does not do, and you’re already on your way!

- Explore how other people have impacted him, not instead of Jemma (because again, it’s perfectly reasonable that they have a deep influence on each other) but as well as her. My favourite character to do this with is Daisy. Daisy helped both Fitz and Simmons become braver people, or at least unlock that bravery, in my opinion. I also see some parallels in her and Fitz’s backstories and personalities that I like to talk about, eg. difficult unconventional family lives, highly passionate / emotional people, which Jemma does not really share. Mack and Elena and even possibly Coulson also have something to offer in terms of, again just an example, an exploration of the question of faith. Fitz has a very “romantic” heart, believing in the cosmos and all that, which Jemma just doesn’t, so if/when he loses his faith in that, she’s not the person to go to. Maybe he goes to somebody who sees the world in a similar way to him, in terms of larger purposes and powers at work, etc. Again, you don’t necessarily have to show Fitz going to Jemma, finding that’s not what he’s after, and reaching further (but you could).

- Have Fitz bring up others to Jemma the way that he currently brings up Jemma to others. Show that he admires them, that he shares their interests, that he’s helping with their problems or wishes he could help, etc. If one of them is in danger or he’s had a fight with them, mention that concern or regret or whatever. Or, go fluffy! Take advantage of this goober’s big romantic heart! WHERE IS MY CAPTAINSHIPPER!FITZ MATERIAL? Another goldmine, people! Doing this kind of thing puts Fitz’s relationships with lots of people on a more even footing, less skewed but still inclusive of “FitzSimmons”, and helps add some depth for a more developed, less isolated way of writing the romance.

- Explore Fitz’s influence on other characters. This one depends on what characters you like to write, but writing a fic that’s actually about another character eg. Daisy, and having them go to Fitz for some reason (or having him offer them help), is also a good way to do this. As much as we like to joke about how everyone sees FS as FS, doing this sort of thing indicates that the others do see him as his own person and that he himself has stuff to offer, with or without Jemma.

-

Long story short is:

Fitz was not formed as an individual, none of us are, so it’s extremely difficult to have a fic that doesn’t tie parts of his identity to others and especially to Jemma, but hopefully reframing what you’re trying to achieve makes it easier to do (and easier to reflect on afterwards without going, “oh shit this is still about Jemma because she was mentioned that one time”). You don’t have to avoid Jemma’s impact on Fitz, or vice versa. Just flesh it out more with influences from others. Add to it, because while she is a powerful and beloved influence on his life, she’s not the only one. To me, it’s more about adding variety and depth and dynamics, than taking anything away.

Hope that helps!

[tiptoe-ing]

#Normalise

©Dispatch Korea

"Normalise" is a word frequently used within the K-Pop fandoms. It's always trending whenever a scandal about idol friendships, idol relationships or things such as seeing idols drinking or smoking occur.

It is always such a big deal or scandal when two idols who are not in the same group are seen together, especially if it's a male idol and female idol. Fans then immediately have to find out how these idols know each other. Did they go to school together? Did they train together? Do they have mutual friends? Did they ever work together on a show? Did they ever promote their songs at the same time, which meant they would run into each other at the TV stations? ARE THEY DATING?

An Idols primary goal is to please their fans, so they are marketed as emotionally available, always there for their fans, always kind and happy, single and so on to appear more accessible to their fans.

#NormaliseIdolFriendships

Friendships between boys and girls is not taboo in South Korea. However, friendships between idols of the opposite gender somewhat is.

Whenever a female idol is seen with a male idol, rumours begin circling. "Are they dating?" the most common reaction from fans. This then leads to fans spamming and hunting down the said idols until they get the answer they seek. When it comes to friendships, it is pretty easy for these fans to find hints and clues which point to the idol's only being friends. This could be that they went to the same school, or they trained at the same company. If the idol's are from the same company then the friendship is pretty much written off as just them being friendly since they are from the same company and probably spent lots of time training together.

#NormaliseIdolRelationships

Similarly to friendships, the most common reaction to seeing a female idol and a male idol is "Are they dating?". However, when a dating rumour comes around, the idol's companies get involved. Even with friendship rumours, some companies get involved if the rumour becomes really big, meaning it could cause harm to the idols image or affect the company’s stocks.

Dating in the K-Pop industry is almost forbidden. Many companies enforce dating bans on their groups for the first few years of them being active. Dating scandals can be detrimental to a group, because them being single generates more fans. How? As mentioned above, when an idol is known to be single, fans are more likely to spend their money on seeing the idol. The fans are allowing themselves to act and think as if they're in a relationship with the idol. When an idol then has a dating scandal or is revealed to be in a relationship, the fans often go to great lengths to harrass the partner of the idol as well as the idol themselves. Even to the extent of asking the idol to leave their group. This behaviour can be extremely dangerous and is shunned by Western fans who, compared to Eastern fans, seem to have a more liberal approach to celebrities dating. The reason I said “seem to have a more liberal approach” is because the same type of behaviour does happen in Western fandoms too.

These fans are called "sasaengs". A sasaeng is some who is obsessed with the idol and they stalk the idol, going to great lengths to invade the idol's privacy - which will be discussed in a separate post.

EXO Chen - Announced he was getting married and expecting a child lead to fans protesting outside his company, requesting he leaves the group. He has since stayed away from the spotlight by enlisting in his mandatory military service.

©Chen/SM Entertainment

TWICE Momo and Super Junior Heechul - Their relationship was embraced for the most part as fans enjoyed seeing them work together on different shows. However, they didn't escape criticism. They both eventually apologised to fans for the dating news, and stayed away from the spotlight for a while.

©KIM HEE CHUL/INSTAGRAM

There are many more examples, hundreds of posts could be made detailing many of these "scandals".

There is also a "tradition" in the industry which takes place every January 1st which is widely known as the Dispatch Couple. Dispatch is an up-to-date celebrity news source as well as a paparazzi. They're often the first to reveal any dating news in the K-Pop industry and they're known to research and uncover any controversial happenings.

To explain this "tradition" - Every January 1st, Dispatch announces a new celebrity couple. Fans all over the world join in, waiting to see who it is. But of course, this can be really harmful to the idol. In 2019, they revealed EXO Kai and BLACKPINK Jennie were dating, which sent the K-Pop world into a frenzy, negatively. The couple broke up a month or so later.

Today, dating between idols is slowly becoming more acceptable (sounds ridiculous to say that, right?).

Let's #NormaliseIdolsBeingHumans!

Sources:

Dispatch Korea. 2016. Image of Zico and Seolhyun. [Online] Available at: https://www.dispatch.co.kr/560752 [Accessed 3 March 2021]

Koreaboo (2020) Korean Fans Demand Chen To Leave EXO After Feeling "Betrayed" By His Marriage News, 13 January. [Online] Available at: https://www.koreaboo.com/news/korean-fans-demand-chen-leave-exo-marriage-news/ [Accessed 3 March 2021]

Kay, B. (2020) '4 Idols Who Suffered Through Dating Scandals And Harsh Criticisms From K-Netizens’, Koreaboo, 13 January. [Online] Available at: https://www.koreaboo.com/lists/4-kpop-idols-suffered-dating-scandals/ [Accessed 3 March 2021]

Ling, S. (2021) ‘Underneath the Glamour of K-Pop Idols: A Tale of Abuse and Exploitation’, The Emory Wheel, 17 February. [Online] Available at:  https://emorywheel.com/underneath-the-glamour-of-k-pop-idols-a-tale-of-abuse-and-exploitation/ [Accessed 3 March 2021]

SM Entertainment. 2020. Image of Chen. [Online] Available at: https://www.smentertainment.com [Accessed 3 March 2021]

KIM HEE CHUL/INSTAGRAM. 2017. Image of Heechul and Momo. [Online] Available at: https://www.instagram.com/kimheenim/ [Accessed 3 March 2021]

[southeastasianists]

The lights go down and the actors walk on stage, transforming into familiar figures – teachers, administrators, students – with mannerisms, cadence and a liberal use of ‘Singlish’ that offers a reflection of their audience.

The first words that explode out of a teenage actor’s mouth is a string of Hokkien curses. “Work so hard! Rehearse so hard! And you, Jali! Cannot even remember your lines. Damn screw up the show,” he berates his classmates.

A group of high school students in the audience snigger: “Eh, last time my class also got like that, leh!” a boy whispers to his friends in the same accent coming from the cast onstage.

The play, Those Who Can’t, Teach, is being re-staged by the Necessary Stage (TNS) as part of the theatre company’s 30th anniversary line-up. It’s a classic TNS production: a character-driven story that places ‘Singaporean-ness’ front and centre, with all its quirks and complexities.

But there is no easy way to tell Singapore’s story, as TNS has shown since artistic director Alvin Tan started the company.

“TNS tackles difficult issues and keeps demonstrating that theatre is a public space for discourse, and that people can participate in discourse with deep emotion and intellectual rigour,” said Kok Heng Leun, artistic director of the Drama Box theatre company.

The city-state is both impressive in some aspects and repressive in others: it has a world-class urban infrastructure yet remains stubbornly conservative on social issues. High levels of internet and mobile penetration ensure a well-connected populace, yet the government continues to wield broad laws regulating speech and expression while requiring artists to submit their work for vetting. “It’s so complex,” Tan told Southeast Asia Globe. “If you can capture that, it’s Singapore.”

TNS was founded in an era when theatre was viewed with suspicion by the state. Two theatre practitioners from the company Third Stage were detained without trial for over a year in 1987 alongside activists and social workers, accused of participating in a “Marxist Conspiracy” to overthrow the government. In 1994, TNS came under suspicion after it was reported that Tan and resident playwright Haresh Sharma had attended a workshop run by a Brazilian Marxist theatre practitioner. “Their conclusion was that we were not Marxists, we were idealists,” Tan said.

They also ran into problems with their 1993 play, Off Centre. The project was commissioned by the Ministry of Health to examine mental illness. The creative team interviewed patients and social workers and came up with a play that explored schizophrenia and depression in Singapore. The ministry didn’t take kindly to the script, criticising it for not putting “across the message that the ministry had in mind”. When the company refused to make changes, the government withdrew its funding. TNS staged the play anyway.

Things seemed to change in 2006, when Off Centre became the first Singaporean play to be included in the local literature curriculum. Tan and Sharma, too, have gone from subjects of investigation to recognition, each receiving the Cultural Medallion – the highest honour for the arts – in 2014 and 2015.

One might interpret this as evidence of Singapore’s liberalisation, but the reality isn’t such a neat trajectory. The Cultural Medallion might be a show of recognition, but it doesn’t necessarily mean an end to conflict with the state, as winners must continue working around state regulations.

“As the scene develops you have to see that the Cultural Medallion is not just for people who are safe artists who will only exist in a certain kind of silo and never be controversial,” said Sharma.

This back-and-forth comes down to the way the political establishment views the arts as a double-edged sword: while it can be used to boost Singapore’s international image, the authorities continue to be wary of the arts as a space for political critique and dissent.

“It’s about how art has been instrumentalised,” said TNS general manager Melissa Lim. “It serves the state purpose to celebrate certain aspects of the kind of things we do… because you can then allow a semblance of discourse and freedom.”

There’s also more to Singaporean theatre than politics. As a society marked by diversity, portraying Singapore with any degree of authenticity requires diving into issues such as race, culture, language and class.

In TNS’ early years, theatre – still influenced by British colonial history – was seen as a form that required the Queen’s English. “If we used Singlish, people laughed,” Tan recalled. “They said: ‘This is not acting. This is how we speak.’”

But that attitude is largely history. “We’re all Singaporeans, we all come from different backgrounds, but we might have issues that are similar – only language is stopping us,” said actor Siti Khalijah Zainal, who has appeared in many TNS productions. “For TNS to allow all these colourful languages to be onstage makes everyone feel very included.”

TNS’ preoccupation with language and culture also allows them to not only cast a critical eye on top-down policies, but stage plays that touch on embedded social norms and practices. In Best Of, a critically-acclaimed monologue that has been restaged multiple times, a young Malay woman talks candidly to the audience about her day, from visiting her cousin in prison to the difficulties of dealing with her divorce as a Muslim woman. This year’s Actor, Forty, examined gender politics through an actress reflecting upon her career.

“We’re not only state-obsessed, because we’re also looking at how to disturb what has been normalised in the citizens,” said Tan. “The works always try to implicate the audience, so it’s not just always ‘the state is at fault’.”

This dynamic has meant that efforts to police their plays don’t always originate with the state, but instead a conflict with their audience, Singaporeans. Two shows were withdrawn from the M1 Singapore Fringe Festival late last year after complaints about nudity and explicit content sprung up on ‘Singaporeans Defending Family and Marriage’, a conservative Christian Facebook page. The authorities ruled that the productions had “excessive nudity” and would have to be altered. As organisers, TNS decided to remove them from the line-up instead.

“Sometimes you feel like, if their intention is to eat at you and to bring you down, then it’s working. It’s like there’s a constant reminder; we’re watching you, we’re coming for you, anyone who’s different,” said Sharma.

Support for artistic freedom is, for now, lacking from those in positions of power. “The allies [should] also be people in positions of power in the government,” Sharma added. “At some point they should just say: ‘I’m going to go with the artist. I know you have a problem with that vulgarity, but I’m going to go with the artist.’ It never happens. Never.”

[cassolotl]

Self-diagnosis in relation to doctors, Tumblr, and the disability community generally

In which I continue to be baffled by people who are against self-diagnosis, complete with descent into a frustrated “get over yourself” rant at the end.

~

So a few weeks back I wrote a thing about doctors failing a lot of autistic people, and celebrating that autistic people are diagnosing themselves and finding community.

I’d like to add that getting formally diagnosed was really helpful to me, on a personal level and also on a practical one - having a bit of paper from a doctor saying I’m autistic has allowed me to have access to various services much more easily, and it’s also taken away any doubt that I am autistic and I do experience various legitimate difficulties as a result of that. It’s helped me to accept myself, and even though it shouldn’t it has helped other people accept me as I am too.

So yeah, I am accepting of people who self-diagnose but alongside that I do also encourage people to get formally diagnosed if they think it might help them. It’s not like you can’t accept and appreciate both methods of self-discovery, you know?

But the reason I’m here is to talk about the reality of seeking diagnosis and how that fits with self-diagnosis.

~

My story starts sometime last year. I’d been unable to work for about 10 years due to, basically, tiredness - since I was 20-21ish. (So by the time I started to feel my life was severely negatively impacted by this condition I was probably older than most people who get hassle for self-diagnosing on Tumblr, right?) I couldn’t keep a job or even volunteer work because I kept calling in sick for tiredness. In the end I gave up. The GP tested my blood and told me that I wasn’t anaemic and didn’t have a thyroid condition, so they slapped on me the label of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). There was no known cause or cure, and the treatment was graded exercise and CBT. She told me that with no other symptoms it’s considered by the NHS a psychological condition, and I supposed at the time that that meant it was psychosomatic, or like being unable to get out of bed due to depression. I was in my early 20s and not very familiar with the medical system, and I had no idea was autistic, and I just accepted the diagnosis. I was never really satisfied, because it felt like a cop-out, but I accepted it as best I could and moved on. I know now that CFS is usually not a condition on its own but probably a symptom with an underlying cause.

Fast-forward a few years, and I’d been diagnosed with autism and after some fighting the system I was getting support in my day-to-day life. I was around people who loved and accepted me, and I was getting therapy that was helping with, among other things, my autistic difficulties.

One day I noticed that my lower left leg felt weird. It was lighter and it felt kind of nice actually. It took me a few minutes to work out that this weird feeling was the feeling of a healthy, pain-free muscle. It felt weird, in other words, because it didn’t hurt. I had forgotten the feeling of no pain in my lower left leg. But the entire rest of my body felt this other thing - heavy, tired, unpleasant. You know, like normal, the way it feels every day from when I wake up in the morning to when I go to sleep at night. The thing that gets worse every time I walk around or up and down the stairs. I was so accustomed to pain that I thought pain was normal and how everyone felt, and a lack of pain wasn’t just a shock, it was difficult to recognise.

I realised that maybe my tendency to feel less tired and sleepy after taking painkillers might be a bit weird. I thought I was having a strange reaction to painkillers, in a caffeine way somehow, and I felt I shouldn’t take painkillers if I’m not in pain because that would be an unhealthy dependency.

But what if...

Everything is different when you’re autistic. I came to terms with the idea that my entire body is in pain all the time, and my brain has just stopped processing it as such. Even when I am paying attention and listening to my body and really feeling everything as best I can, I can detect no pain whatsoever. When it gets bad I feel like I have to go to bed and maybe nap, but when I get to bed I can’t sleep - and it’s because I’m not sleepy. I’m in pain, and I feel better for lying down in a nice comfortable bed in a safe place. And when I take painkillers, I magically feel better again.

Going to the GP about this wasn’t going to work. It could be anything. All-over pain could be a neurological problem, it could be cancer, it could be anything. I knew from experience that going to the GP with no other information wouldn’t work, because the fact that I hadn’t even been feeling the daily full-body pain I was in meant that unexpected diagnostic questions would confuse me and I would probably answer “I don’t think I have that” to everything. Yay autistic masking! \o/ She would say, as GPs have been saying to me for a long time, something like “I can write you a sick note and diagnose you with chronic pain but unless we have more symptoms to go on I can’t refer you to a specialist.”

However, for a while now I had been somehow connecting with people who had EDS. I followed people on Twitter who had it and even though I didn’t on a conscious level realise that we had things in common because they had pain and I thought I didn’t, I felt a kinship. I remembered the kinship I felt with autistic people before I realised I might be autistic too, and I made the connection.

For several months I self-diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). It’s a rare genetic condition that affects your collagen, which in some people is very serious. Wikipedia told me that the classical type is experienced by 1 in 20,000-50,000 people. Surely it is really weird to leap to the conclusion, out of the blue, that I have this one very specific and rare condition? It seems so improbable. But when I looked at people with EDS, their lives were so much like mine. Their coping mechanisms and management strategies that they’d come up with deliberately to deal with their EDS were so similar to the stuff I was doing by accident just to get from day to day. If I had the same symptoms and therefore the same diagnosis it would explain everything that isn’t covered by autism and being trans.

So I went into research mode. It took months. That’s how it is when you’re autistic, alexithymic, and are very bad at self-reporting. The Beighton Score part was easy because they’re bodily tests you can do yourself at home with clear results - but for the rest, sufferers of chronic illness will remember the feeling of discovery that goes, “wow, I thought everyone had that?” It was much more difficult than that for me. For every symptom, I had to fight through layers of “but I don’t have that” and “okay maybe I have that but surely not more than most people” and “but if I had this surely my mum would have done something about it when I was a kid” and “I have this but I don’t dislike it so surely that can’t be a symptom.” Because when you’re alexithymic, sometimes you kinda lack the feeling that is like, this is unpleasant, I’d rather this was better, and actually maybe that’s possible. Sometimes things that cause other people great discomfort don’t even register to you as unpleasant. Yay alexithymia.

I had to trick myself into acknowledging my symptoms. I had to compare myself to other people in a way that wasn’t dismissing my own experience, which was a very new thing for me. “I experience this, yes, but have I ever actually heard anyone else complaining about experiencing it themselves? If not, it is probably safe to assume that my experience is unusual and causing me problems, therefore relevant to a doctor.”

I had a Google Document bookmarked in my browser, with headings for each symptom of EDS. I mulled the symptoms over in the back of my head for a long time, writing down symptoms as I became sure of them. Such is my symptom-normalisation that it took months to add these to my list:

Joints dislocating (or partially dislocating) without trauma such as a fall on a regular basis;

Dizziness and passing out from movement or exercise that shouldn’t normally cause dizziness and passing out;

Stomach aches pretty much every day.

During this process, the company who provide my support decided that my care plans didn’t fit their company policy of involving the service user in their care as much as possible. They rewrote my care plans to include constant references to me doing at least part of every activity, with a view to me eventually becoming self-sufficient and no longer needing their care. I explained to them that I was discovering that I had EDS, and could they acknowledge that sometimes I just need people to do things for me so that I had more energy to be independent on my own later. They refused. They said that they would not provide support for EDS until I was diagnosed. They said, in fakey neurotypical language, that they didn’t think I had EDS. They ended our contract over it, a couple of weeks before I was due to attend my rheumatology appointment, and all of this while constantly saying that their service was person-centred. Not that I’m bitter.

A lot of people would doubt their self-diagnosis and stop trying to see a specialist at this point. But I went through similar stuff when I worked out I was autistic and people with power over me didn’t believe me, so I kept going anyway. If I saw a specialist and they told me I didn’t have EDS, at least I’d know.

I started to say openly online that I had EDS. People with EDS accepted me immediately, completely, and without question. But I knew that there were people out there who would tell me that they wouldn’t take me seriously until I was formally diagnosed, and would assume (since I blog on Tumblr) that I was just doing it to get disability points or whatever. “They say they’re nonbinary, autistic, asexual, aromantic, and now they’ve decided they have a rare genetic condition. Yeah, right. I guess their oppression points aren’t getting them enough attention. What a special snowflake.” For serious, the frequency with which I am assumed to be a teenage girl will not be at all surprising to a lot of people reading this. My reluctance to disclose my age and gender online gets me accused of teenage girlhood by TERFs and Tumblr-haters all around, especially if they know I’m on Tumblr. In reality I’m 30, mostly post-transition as openly nonbinary with the kind assistance of the NHS, and formally diagnosed with everything I say online that I have. (I do have some things that I’m not formally diagnosed with, and those are MH things that I don’t trust the NHS with for many legit reasons and I don’t talk about them online much.)

I learned that the type of specialist professional who can diagnose me is a rheumatologist. Eventually I made an appointment with my GP and printed out my symptom list document for her. It began, “if you’re reading this I think you can help me get diagnosed with and treated for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.” For each symptom I described the severity and how often I experience it. From my 10+ years of GP dismissal for bad periods that turned out to be endometriosis requiring a hysterectomy, I remembered the magic words: “I’d like a referral to a [specialist] please.”

My GP happily referred me to a rheumatologist at my request, and I was on their waiting list for a few months. When I eventually arrived my document of symptoms was even longer; I’d managed to clarify a few more while I was on the waiting list.

I have told you this story to show you how long I prepared for my diagnosis appointment, how much effort I put into diagnosing myself and how much I had to know to even see a specialist who could diagnose me - and to emphasise how anticlimactic getting a diagnosis actually is.

The rheumatologist was very kind. He read through my document, which took a few minutes. And then he said to me, in neurotypical language so I’m hugely paraphrasing and he did not sound this rude in real life:

“I don’t know why you’re here. You know you have EDS, you don’t need me to confirm it. You know there’s not much I can do to treat you, and you’ve had it all your life so at 30 years old you have come to terms with the symptoms and you have lots of coping mechanisms and self-management techniques.”

He was kind and listened to my concerns. Here they are in bold, along with the rheumatologist’s response.

I’m not a doctor, I can’t ever be really sure, I wanted to talk to a doctor to confirm it because maybe I have something else kinda similar or I’m just wrong. “You have most of the symptoms, and you’re well-informed. You seem to be a pretty clear case to me. What can I do to help?”

Perhaps there are treatments or services that you can help me access? “It’s mostly a case of managing it all yourself at home on your own. Try to go out for a walk every day, and don’t rely on your knee braces because your knees need to get strong enough to support themselves and knee braces won’t help with that. But you will probably always experience this cycle of crashing and having to build up your strength again very very slowly. No one else can really help you with that.”

I’d like a bit of paper to show to people who want proof of my EDS, like the DWP (who provide income for disabled people in the UK) and support companies. “The DWP don’t care about bits of paper. They ask you to do a series of exercises like lifting your arms and moving your head around.”

This last one was difficult to hear, because the DWP would indeed declare me fit for work based on their usual tests, and the only thing that gets me out of that situation is letters from medical specialists describing my symptoms. Me describing my own symptoms is not proof enough. To put it another way, me saying “I experience daily pain all over my body” is not proof to the DWP, but a doctor saying “Cassian tells me they experience daily pain all over their body” is totally strong evidence.

The fact is that the support company who ditched me should not have needed a piece of paper saying I have EDS to provide me with support that suits my needs. They were happily providing me with support for autistic difficulties despite never having seen a diagnosis letter. They should have listened to me stating my needs, and then written care plans that suit those needs. But like the DWP, a piece of paper from a doctor saying “Cassian has these symptoms” carries more weight than me saying “I have these symptoms.” It’s kinda twisted, and my diagnosing doctor didn’t know it, but that’s how it is.

So basically, this is all to tell you that people on the internet totally trash self-diagnosed people on the internet, and say “I’m not gonna believe you unless you get a formal diagnosis, you’re making people who really have these conditions look bad, please stop” - but when you actually do get to see a doctor they have no problem whatsoever with self-diagnosis and they don’t understand why anyone would seek diagnosis for a condition that they already know they have. Doctors, they know, are for working out what’s wrong with you. If you already know the name of your condition, you don’t need to talk to them. If you are successfully self-managing and don’t need treatment, you don’t need to talk to them. And as far as they are concerned, you shouldn’t need to have a diagnosis letter to have your needs recognised and respected by companies and local authorities when seeking support.

“But Cassian,” some people will say, “you are quite a special case. You’re older and more experienced than most self-dxers on Tumblr, you did a lot of research for a long time, you did everything right. It’s a spectrum, you know? Your self-diagnosis was valid, but there’s a lot of blatant fakers out there on Tumblr.” NO SHUT UP. You cannot judge people on the internet like that! You know nothing about them and their life! And even if you feel doubtful of their self-diagnosis because of the way they talk about it or whatever else superficial reason, that doesn’t mean that they are making it up! You deciding that I am legit and they are not is PURE PREJUDICE and you can take your backhanded compliments elsewhere!

So like, let’s just go over that in very clear words so you know where I stand. I understand that diagnosis and disability and mental illness are complex and nuanced issues, BUT. Self-diagnosis doesn’t magically become invalid just because you say it does, and holy crap even if teenagers on Tumblr were giving everyone else a bad name no one would know because doctors and the DWP and local authorities and anyone who has any power over us at all DON’T H*CKING USE TUMBLR and have no idea that you think teenagers are making it up for attention. All of this tug of war between “self-diagnosis is valid (✿◡‿◡)~” and “self-dxers are attention-seeking Tumblrinas that give legit sufferers a bad name” happens in a little internet bubble that the VAST MAJORITY of people are blissfully unaware of, Jeeeesus Christ on a bicycle.

Okay, thanks for listening, I’m glad to get that out of my system.

~

[Also posted to Medium.]

[sustainhealthmagazine]

The average adult feels awkward at least twice a day

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By HEALTH EDITOR FOR SUSTAINHEALTH 

PUBLISHED: 06:12, 15 November 2019 | UPDATED: 06:42, 15 November 2019

If there’s one thing that unites the nation, it's suffering acute embarrassment in uncomfortable social situations. And if you blush at the mere thought of accidentally waving at a stranger or getting toilet paper stuck on your shoe, it turns out you’re not alone

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Social behaviour expert Emma Kenny shares her top tips to navigate awkward moments as new research reveals the average person feels uncomfortable at least twice a day

If there’s one thing that unites the nation, it's suffering acute embarrassment in uncomfortable social situations. And if you feel uneasy at the mere thought of accidentally waving at a stranger or getting toilet paper stuck on your shoe, it turns out you’re not alone. In fact, a new survey by TePe UK reveals that the average UK adult feels awkward at least twice a day – that’s over 700 times per year!

Among the situations when people are most likely to be caught cringing include eating in public, shopping alone, while at the gym or on a date. In addition, more than a third of those surveyed confessed they have been left embarrassed by tripping over a kerb, pulling on a door that says ‘push’ (or vice versa) and realising they had food trapped in their teeth hours after eating.

In light of the research findings, TePe has partnered with psychologist and social behaviour expert, Emma Kenny, who has shared her top tips to navigate the nation’s most awkward social situations:

·       Be direct

Psychologically people wish to avoid awkward situations as they feel uncomfortable and at times challenging to confront. Even if you inevitably help the person by informing them that they have food stuck in their teeth for example, the short-term discomfort experienced by both parties is enough to dissuade the observer from taking action, even though in the long-term this would benefit the other party.

It's best to face the uncomfortable situation head on. For instance, if someone has food stuck in their teeth simply tell them directly and ideally point to the whereabouts of the offending debris. If you don’t appear awkward then they won’t feel awkward either.

·       Be honest

If you care about someone then you have their best interests at heart. Bad breath causes people problems at work and in relationships and if they don’t realise that they have it, then they can’t do anything to change it.

Suggest that you are worried as recently their breath seems to smell and suggest they check with their dentist. This makes them feel that it is a recent issue and that you are concerned for their health in general.

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·       Adopt healthy habits

Good dental hygiene shouldn’t be something we are ashamed of. After eating a meal or a snack, use a toothpick, such as the TePe EasyPick™, to clean between your teeth on the go and avoid any awkward ‘teeth taboo’ moments. 

Offer one to your colleagues and friends too! Whilst you may initially feel you are breaching social etiquette; the reality is that you are simply forming a healthy habit. By normalising this behaviour for yourself and others it will become second nature, ensuring you feel empowered as opposed to awkward. 

·       Empathise

If you need to tell someone that they have toilet paper on their shoe or spinach in their teeth, a clever tactic is to empathise with their situation by relating when this has happened to you. 

·       Practice makes perfect

Awkwardness often stems from a lack of confidence and the best way to improve this is by rehearsing certain scenarios. Practice striking up more conversations with strangers or making new friends to help you get used to unexpected or uncomfortable social situations. If you’re still feeling at the mercy of awkward situations, don’t underestimate the power of faking it till you make it. 

·       Be kind

It can be hard to tell someone that they are getting something wrong, such as calling a colleague by the wrong name, or walking around the office with their jumper on inside out, but ask yourself how you would feel if you were in that situation and no one told you? If you adopt the mindset that you should treat people how you would wish to be treated, then chances are you will always act in the kindest way possible.

·       Laugh at yourself

There is nothing more disarming that someone who can poke fun at themselves. If you trip over or find yourself still connected to a trail of toilet roll, make a joke about it. This instantly diffuses tension and makes everyone around you feel more at ease and amused.

·       Time heals

No matter what awkward moments you endure, remember that they are fleeting. By reframing that these are just temporary bumps in the road you minimise their impact and reduce any anxiety you may have about dealing with them. 

·       Make a polite exit

Not every conversation goes to plan. If you find yourself at a networking event, or a party engaged in an awkward conversation, instead of enduring it in the hope that you will be rescued by a passing friend, or colleague, suggest you need the loo, or that you have an important call to make. Remember, this is your life, so don’t waste it in situations that are simple to avoid!

·       Remember, that’s life!

So, you fall up a few stairs in front of your new boss, find yourself driving up a one-way street with a car full of colleagues, or discover that you are still wearing the price tag on your new shirt whilst out on your first date, yes, this may be awkward, but it is also entirely human.

Remember, we all make mistakes, have accidents and at times say, and do the wrong thing. Instead of seeing this as a “you thing”, just accept that it’s an everyone thing and you will instantly feel better!

About TePe

TePe is a Swedish family-owned company who have been designing, developing and manufacturing oral hygiene products since 1965. Celebrating its 50th anniversary in 2015, the TePe brand was first introduced into the UK market in 1998. 

TePe offers a wide range of functional oral hygiene products. TePe’s Interdental Brushes (IDBs) are endorsed and recommended by 94% dental hygienists across the UK. For 50 years, TePe has assisted in creating better oral health for people all over the world. TePe remains the number one brand in Interdental Brushes in the UK.

TePe EasyPick™

TePe EasyPick™ is an easy-to-use, ergonomically designed oral care product which discreetly and effortlessly cleans between teeth to remove trapped food and plaque while on-the-go. The innovative pick is gentle on the gums and has a non-slip grip to help clean the 40% of the tooth’s surface that is missed by standard tooth brushing. TePe EasyPick™ comes in two sizes - TePe EasyPick™ Orange (extra small/small size) and Turquoise (medium/large size) - and is the perfect addition to the brands number one interdental cleaning range.

The TePe EasyPick™ 36-pack is available in major supermarkets and pharmacies including Boots, Superdrug, Sainsbury’s and Waitrose, retailing from £4.00. The TePe EasyPick™ 12-pack is available in selected Spar convenience stores with an RRP of £1.99.

TePe Interdental Brushes

Interdental Brushes are designed to reach the gaps between the teeth and below the gum line. TePe Interdental Brushes clean up to 40% more of your tooth’s surface than regular brushing. Interdental Brushes help to remove plaque, which can cause gingivitis, cavities and bad breath. TePe remains the number one brand of interdental brushes in the UK. TePe Interdental Brushes were voted Product of the Year in the oral care category in the Product of the Year Awards 2019.

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[vincentbuckles]

Dry January: Save your health and money!

Reading Time: 6 mins

2019 is finally here and millions of people are aiming to stick to key resolutions with the hope of achieving self-improvement, including taking part in dry January.

After all, following the Christmas period and New Year celebrations, plenty of people are happy to give up the sauce for a while. 

Not only are the health benefits HUGE, you will also save a massive amount of money by avoiding 10-pint sessions down the pub.

In London, thats easily over £50!

But do you actually know what happens to your body once you stop drinking alcohol?

The effects of alcohol

The risks of drinking alcohol

The benefits of giving up alcohol

Acute withdrawal

Post acute withdrawal 

What happens in the body?

12-24 hours

1 week

1 month

1 year

Life without alcohol

To help you understand how beneficial it is to take part in dry january, here’s what you can expect from going cold turkey on booze.

The effects of alcohol 

Long-term or heavy drinking can cause serious changes to your body and your brain, including:

Risks of drinking alcohol

Digestive problems

Increased risk of cancer

Heart and cardiovascular issues

Increase risk of stroke

Increased risk of depression and anxiety

Increased risk of liver problems including cirrhosis

Dementia and other degenerative disorders (also known as “wet brain”)

However, by quitting drinking, starting with dry January, you can reverse many of those symptoms and reestablish good health.

Benefits of giving up alcohol

The body’s ability to absorb vitamins and minerals increases

Metabolism is restored, leading to fat loss

Energy increases

Reduced risk of cancer and decreased stress levels

Lower blood pressure and reduced risk of stroke and heart attack

Quicker immune response

Reversal of alcohol-related liver damage

Once more, dry January is the perfect opportunity to begin the hear with a health kick, the reasons above should be enough on their own, regardless of what is coming below!

ALCOHOL RECOVERY TIMELINE

How long and how much alcohol you drank will have an effect on the timeline that you experience when you stop drinking. 

ACUTE WITHDRAWAL

The first challenge you will face when you stop drinking is acute withdrawal. The symptoms will start as soon as six hours after your last drink.

Sweating and rise in body temperature

Raised blood pressure and heart rate

Shaking or tremors

Insomnia

Anxiety

POST-ACUTE WITHDRAWAL

Completely detoxing from alcohol can take up to two months, but once that is done, you will have made it through the most physically challenging part of withdrawal.

During post-acute withdrawal phase, you will likely begin to experience the psychological effects of not drinking. 

Some of the symptoms of this phase include:

Decrease in energy

Emotions such as anger and aggression

Increased anxiety and depression

Insomnia or nightmares

Decreased libido

This may also be the time where cravings for alcohol set in.

Each person’s experience with post-acute alcohol withdrawal is different – for some it may only last a few weeks, for some it may be up to a year.

Seeking help from an alcohol addiction rehab will help ease your transition into recovery and treat any underlying conditions you may have.

WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR BODY? A TIMELINE

The following is a timeline of how your body is reacting to the absence of alcohol. 

Again, not everyone experiences the same thing, this is a general timeline.

12-24 HOURS AFTER QUITTING

During the first day of not drinking, your blood sugar normalises, which is critical for fighting both heart and blood vessel disease, kidney failure, nerve damage, eye problems and heart disease.

You will be feeling the effects of withdrawal at this point, so drink plenty of water and stay away from refined sugars. 

Try to eat healthy foods like fruit and vegetables.

48 HOURS AFTER QUITTING

In a short amount of time, your body will have made big steps to detoxifying and the biggest hurdle will be over; however, you may  feel withdrawal symptoms.

You may feel tired, nauseated, and have a headache lingering. 

Depending on the severity of your alcohol abuse, you make be shaky and dizzy.

Your blood pressure could also become more stable and your body temperature should have returned to normal.

72 HOURS AFTER QUITTING

Hopefully, the withdrawal symptoms will begin to ease and you will begin to feel much fresher and lighter as you go about your day.

But, if you were a heavy drinker or maintenance drinker (someone who drinks around the clock, never allowing the body to be free of alcohol), then you may feel worse and still have shaking and dizziness.

ONE WEEK AFTER QUITTING

Alcohol can’t be absorbed by the human body, which means it passes straight through without being absorbed like most liquids. This means that a night of drinking, will result in no water being taken into the human system which is one of the reasons for a hangover to be caused.

However, after quitting, your body will become much more proficient in absorbing water as it will not have to process so much poison in the shape of booze.

You should start sleeping better – more deeply – which will increase your energy during the day and your skin will be looking better as hydration restores.

Conditions you may have had like dandruff, eczema, and rosacea will improve as your skin does.

ONE MONTH AFTER QUITTING

After dry January is over, liver fat is reduced by about 15% at this point and that increases its ability to filter toxins out of the body.

You may notice a reduced amount of belly fat, and the most improvement in your skin happens around this time. Your energy level will continue to rise and you likely feel renewed physically.

If you haven’t already, you should be looking for emotional support from a 12-step group, addiction therapist, or other addiction professional. Most relapses occur within the first six months of sobriety. You don’t want that to happen to you.

ONE YEAR AFTER QUITTING

After a year of not drinking alcohol begging with dry January, you’ll lose a significant amount of belly fat, as it contributes a significant amount towards weight gain.

More importantly, your risk of mouth, liver, and breast cancers is drastically reduced, and your liver is likely to be functioning normally again.

Furthermore, your teeth will be at less risk of being eroded by the acidic compounds of alcohol while your sense of taste will also improve.

LIFE WITHOUT ALCOHOL

Making the change to sobriety isn’t easy, even though the physical improvements are well worth it and you may need the help of alcohol addiction experts. 

The path to long-lasting recovery is full of twists and turns, making it a good idea to seek help and support to establish healthy coping skills and treat underlying issues. 

You don’t want to lose the sobriety that you fought so hard for starting with dry January.

Remember that if you think you have a real problem with alcohol, seeking professional help is the best way to tackle the issue.

Click here to get free advice from the NHS and access to resources which could help you make changes easier.

Dry January is a great way to get started on the road to recovery as millions of people subscribe to the pledge.

More New Year’s Resolutions help 

We’ve got a huge number of articles, full of brilliant advice, for people who want to make the best start possible to the New Year.

Vital Tips for Keeping your New Years Resolution in 2019 

How to Reduce the Cost of your Gym Membership 

The post Dry January: Save your health and money! appeared first on MoneyMagpie.

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[metspacesolutions]

Conformity Is The Surest Path To Mediocrity

By Louis Chew

The best in the world do things very differently.

We know that. It’s why there are articles on the habits, routines and methods of people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. We study them extensively in the hope that the little adaptions we make will improve our lives. Doing things differently is what these people the best in their field — it stands to reason that it would benefit us mere mortals as well.

We know that. It’s why there are articles on the habits, routines and methods of people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. We study them extensively in the hope that the little adaptions we make will improve our lives. Doing things differently is what these people the best in their field — it stands to reason that it would benefit us mere mortals as well.

The Radical Polgár Experiment

A Hungarian psychologist by the name of Laszlo Polgar was someone who had no qualms about radical experiments. After studying the biographies of hundreds of intellectuals, he identified a common theme among these men — early and intensive specialisation in a particular subject. We know this today as deliberate practice. To test his theory, he made it his mission to raise his own children and turn them into prodigies.

Unlike most men who invested in romancing their love interests, Laszlo Polgar would propose to his future wife with an idea — that they would commit their lives to raising child prodigies. A woman by the name of Klara agreed, and so they were wed.

Chess was the sport that the Polgars decided on. Progress in chess was specific and measurable over time. All three of Laszlo Polgar’s daughters were home schooled, with a special focus on chess. While their peers watched TV and played outside, the Polgar sisters would be tackling chess puzzles and mastering their craft.

All three Polgar sisters accomplished much in their own right. They trounced adult opponents in their teenage years and dominated tournaments from a young age. The oldest, Susan, would become the women’s world champion. However, it was Judit Polgar, the youngest sister, who would go on to be the strongest female chess player of all time. She would become the youngest chess grandmaster ever — both male and female — at just 15 years old. She never accepted the path many leading female players take — competing in separate women’s events and aiming at the women’s world title. Instead, Judit Polgar’s main competition were men, where she would be the only woman to play against the top male chess players in the world — fighting for just the women’s title was too easy for her.

Today, there is unanimous agreement that Judit Polgar is the best female chess player of all time.

Normal Is The New Average

You don’t need to brought up by parents who are hell-bent on raising a child prodigy. What you do need to realise is that the best in the field are outliers not just in their accomplishments, but also in their habits and routines. They are willing to be different even if it earned them rebuke or criticism — Laszlo Polgar was in a constant fight with the Hungarian authorities on how best to raise his children.

We instinctively think we are above average. We don’t want to be average. Yet ironically, we want to be normal and have the same interests as most people do. We don’t want to be different and stand out. Having the same interests, routines, habits as everyone else ensures that we stay in the majority and are hence part of the ‘in-group’. But by design, we are setting up ourselves to be average.

What’s the problem with average? There’s nothing wrong about having a statistically average performance. The problem arises when you choose to be average — to be just like everyone else — because you are choosing to be mediocre. Being like everyone else is a guarantee that you will never fully develop your innate talents and strengths. By extension, you will never be the best version of yourself. That all but guarantees mediocrity.

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti

Non-Conformity On A Daily Basis

Oscar Wilde once remarked that “Everything popular is wrong”. It’s a mantra that I try my best to live by. I avoid spending time on fashion and celebrity culture whenever possible. I don’t have an Instagram account even though all my friends use it. I avoid these things because they have little value to me — peer pressure and the desire to fit in doesn’t change that. Don’t get me wrong. I watch Game of Thrones and other TV shows, just like everybody does. Game of Thrones has great storytelling and is sure as hell interesting, that’s why I watch it. However, I don’t watch it because everyone else does.

What I’ve personally experienced is that there is a better signal-to-noise ratio when you avoid doing something just because it’s popular. You have perspectives and mental frameworks that are different from those whom you spend a lot of time with. You don’t get influenced and pressured to do something to fit in. You get to focus on what matters most; you get to define what matters most.

Dare To Be Different

It’s not going to be easy. You will not be the life of the party. You might even lose a few friends along the way. You have to go at it alone. But it’ll definitely be worth it.In 333 BCE, Alexander the Great attempted to untie the fabled Gordian Knot. Oracles had prophesied that the one whom untied the knot would go on to become the King of Asia. With the end of the knot hidden from sight, nobody had been able to find an elegant solution to the problem. When Alexander could not find the end to the knot to unbind it, he drew his sword and sliced it cleanly into half, thereby producing the required ends.

There are geniuses and pioneers who at the age of 21, have accomplished more than what anyone would in their life times. They did not take the same route that others did. With the world so inextricably connected today, non-conformity can be extremely difficult when there are thousands of people judging your every move. But like Alexander, you will need to be bold and take the road less traveled. Any sane person would have considered Alexander a cheat and his solution absurd — you will likewise have to bear that label until you succeed.

The Road Less Travelled

Chris Guillebeau, author of The Art of Non-Conformity, is one who rejects living the conventional life. He has visited all 193 countries in the world before his 35th birthday, and has managed not to hold a traditional 9-to-5 job. In his personal manifesto, titled A Brief Guide to World Domination [you need to check it out], Chris discusses the normalisation of mediocrity.

He writes:

“If there is any good news to the normalization of mediocrity, it’s that when you do something excellent, it will be so uncommon that you will instantly stand out. People will be amazed, because they’re so used to the good enough that the excellent is truly rare. This can work to your advantage when you decide to take things up a level and exceed the low expectations around you.”

The message is clear — being unconventional is not always easy, but it is definitely rewarding.

Moving Forward

Don’t be afraid to be different. The things that make you different are what make you, you. Adopt different routines. Get up earlier. Take cold showers in the morning. Spend time meditating. Pick up a new skill. Journal your learning.

Above all, remember to take the road less travelled.

Shared from Medium.com

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