#the canon story is the other wip! whatever. the point is I'm having fun. cringe is dead.

[dwarfsized]

i have hit the 5000 word mark but! they're fucking. so we can carry on. I have proved my point to myself. I don't need to give up forever.

[griefabyss69]

THREE!!!!!!!!! OF THEM!!!???

Hello!!! Thank you for asking about this one I'm pretty excited about it! This is a newer WIP - Another steddissy started this year after a conversation with my friend. It's going to be a longer fic, because when I write in Chrissy's POV I'm incapable of keeping it short. This one is already 11K and honestly has just begun LMAO... I'll probably end up breaking it up into two fics because I can see a natural stopping point in the middle of the plot. Her backstory is a little made up in the way that fandom already has taken what little we were given about her and came to it's conclusions. I take the religious trauma of it all a little further, and so while it's not explicit in the text, she is from one of the c*lty sects of christianity, and is at the part of her story/healing where she's making moves to get out of it. Here's a long piece of it bc it's hard enough to decide on what to share!!!: (Contents: allusions to the shitty parts of christianity, rated T for vague horniness, canon levels of drugs)

When Chrissy had become friends with Eddie, she had liked how it seemed like their own private little thing.

Just two people showing each other the craziest stuff they could find from two different worlds - Eddie's were gifts and hers were something Eddie called a blurse, a blessing and a curse.

She had to agree, he gave her proper weed and let her pick through his hidden music collection and let her try on his clothes and -

-tried on her clothes.

And what she gave him in return had been stories, mostly. Things that even deeply into her indoctrination she had known felt weird, wondering if life really was always like that, or at the very least knowing she was never actually going to be what they wanted her to be.

So he cringed and laughed and sometimes got tears in his eyes and didn't even try to hide them and she got to have fun, mostly. Turned on, sometimes, but she thinks that if God didn't want that to happen then he shouldn't have let someone with Eddie's waist try on her cheer skirt.

Anyway, their private little bubble was comfortable and safe and she was trying so hard every day now, to keep the damned thing intact.

It's just that going to the secluded Christian College at the end of town everyday just happened to put her right into Eddie's area, and while everybody else thought she was studying at the library or going for a workout to keep in shape or if they were really out of the loop, on a date with her ex-boyfriend; she was with Eddie.

Yeah, sometimes she studied or did her homework at his place, if reading from the textbook out loud just to watch his smile fall further and further into disgusted horror when she found something really terrible counted as coursework.

Most of the time they shared exactly one joint, sat a respectable amount of inches apart on the couch, and ate whatever new thing he'd been trying out in the trailer's tiny kitchen.

Honestly it made her heart start singing praises that sounded nothing like hymns at all.

The bubble does, eventually, burst.

But it's not her fault, and it's not even Eddie's fault.

Steve Harrington rocks up to the trailer one evening, looking like he bathed in gold as the sun sets behind him, and Eddie's composure crumbles to the ground and rebuilds itself in two quick blinks, all right before her eyes.

Yeah, that has something inside of her withering to hide under a shadow, but it also does something beautiful for her heart anyway. She'd… not known, but maybe hoped, that if Eddie wasn't into her then it'd be because he's gay. Not for her ego or self esteem or anything, being Eddie's friend is like working at a self esteem factory, but because he's just so.

There's just something about him that's outside of everything rigid in her life, and she'd been maybe even too scared to think about it directly, but with how easily he acts around her even when he's being so polite with very particular things, how they can do a little bit of flirting and it's just for fun, even if she thinks way too hard about it later… maybe there's reason for that.

Guys don't just flirt with her and not follow up on it.

So the bubble has burst and Steve Harrington is here, reminding her about the way she also used to get flustered around him, though Eddie's doing a much better version of not letting it to get to him than she'd managed.

Though it wouldn't have been an issue if she'd gotten caught looking too long.

Her breath catches in her throat at the thought of Eddie getting found out and vows to protect him however she can, even though like, she could be reading this whole thing completely wrong.

Eddie protects her though, if not physically then from the first half of her day.

She keeps her eyes off of his bare forearms as he lets Steve in and gives him a familiar spiel, though usually he makes her hide in his room before letting someone in to do a sale. He must trust Steve enough, for some reason.

"Oh, hey! Chrissy, nice to see you," Steve greets her, the stubble on his face adding something extra to his smile that makes her want to put him in a bubble. "You also here for Eddie's… services?"

The way he says it honestly sounds… dirty, and she has to think of Antarctica and keep her breathing slow so she doesn't turn into a human tomato.

If Eddie's services were at all about sex then she'd…

Anyway.

"Sort of," she says, not sure how much Eddie wants him to know, not sure how much she trusts him. "Just a joint."

Steve nods, his smile relaxing into something more genuine at the corners, and it's weird for a second, because the smile before had looked plenty real.

"Nice choice," he says, nodding like he's actually impressed, and that's got to just be for conversation.

"Steve, you wanna stay and smoke with us?" Eddie asks, coming back down the hallway. "I was thinking about ordering a pizza."

Chrissy raises her eyebrows, unable to keep from looking surprised. Today was supposed to be what Eddie said was a perfected recipe day, something he'd been working on and she'd been his audience for.

She'd tried his first attempt and one in the middle, and if he'd improved it anymore since then, she wanted it.

Eddie shoots her a wink - a sorry, thanks for putting up with his bullshit, and a promise to fill her in later all in one.

"That um, honestly sounds good," Steve says, and under Chrissy's scrutiny he looks… just as awkward as Eddie does.

It's like watching seventh graders compliment each other's braces.

She smiles, tosses a piece of hair over her shoulder, and spins to head off down the hall.

"Awesome! I'll be right back," she calls, going into the bathroom so she can try to condense the supernova of what might be affection or even just plain excitement down into three minutes of silent shrieking.

[anondudeao3]

It's been a while since I posted, and I just wanted to update, particularly about Broken!Verse, because that's pretty much at the forefront of my agenda.

First of all, a couple very big Real Life projects really kept me from working on anything for this account for quite a while, and then some medical issues for the last month and a half have been severely, severely reducing the amount I've been able to write, so that hasn't been great, or very conducive to updating in the least.

Secondly, irt b!v: I have over 30 WIPs for it, but I also, about a month ago, have just started questioning...just about everything about it. Basically I'm just feeling incredibly unsure of the series, both what I have so far (has it been bad and cringe all along? I have no way of knowing because I'm IN it, I'm very in my own atmospheric bubble about it usually, and I kind of feel like the mood has been popped and going back and rereading without the Mood, it's just Not Good. This isn't me fishing for compliments, this is...should I even continue with the series? Should I try to rewrite the series? I'm not even sure how to go about fixing it tbh), and especially where I'm taking it (because these last couple fics in the series have been the start of a turning point).

Particularly I'm just questioning whether any of the writing I have for the WIPs, which is at the VERY least 35k words, is even useable at all. And whether I'm taking the series...too far? Whether I'm unintentionally escalating in a way that I don't mean to? Because my intention has been to pretty much keep the level of the 'extremeness' of their sexual exploits and Tim's tastes I suppose at the same level throughout the whole series, but they have just been trying different stuff so it takes some different forms and there is some amount of variance but overall no real Difference in Tim's tastes and the type of sex they have. And the focus is on their Relationship, that is what's changing and growing. But I'm worried that's not the case? And I'm starting to wonder if I've...started to make the characters (especially Tim, but also the others) a parody of themselves maybe, in these upcoming WIPs? (And maybe in Movie Night. Tbh that one has felt very off to me ever since I wrote it; the tone just doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like it fits with the rest of the series, and I can't put my finger on exactly why, and I could never figure out how to fix it). I'm also wondering if some of these are stepping over the line of too...self gratification-y? And kind of cracky sometimes? Which, yes, I know fanfiction is supposed to be about being allowed to write whatever you want and whatever you want to read, but I can't ignore that I now have thousands of loyal readers for this series who I am writing for, and I don't want to hand you complete rubbish.

One potential, at least partial, solution I am considering is creating a separate series for crackier stories in the universe, but which would not be part of the actual canon, which would still allow me to share some of the fun stuff I've written without having to worry so much about whether it's 'good' or even realistic, because by virtue of being crack, you are suspending all disbelief at the door to be entertained. However, this would not solve everything, as this would only be able to apply to some of the stories, whereas some of them definitely still need to be part of canon, so I would still need to work on figuring out how to tell what exactly the lines are and how to sort out if I'm going too far/staying consistent/making a parody of my own work.

I would welcome any thoughts or opinions on this (or any part of this post)!

[alchemistc]

are you planning on staying involved in the fandom? i'm worried that so many are leaving

Short answer: Yes.Super Duper Long answer: Hell freaking yeah.Listen. I may not be a fandom grandma, but I've been around a while, and in the time I have been active in fandom I have had exactly two fandoms outside of Once where there was still unfinished canon. I've seen a fandom die out, I've seen a fandom forge on long after many had abandoned it, I've seen them brought back to life for no other reason than someone heard a new song that reminded them of their favorite character and they shared that song with a fandom buddy and SUDDENLY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT AGAIN. One of the very first fandoms I was active and interactive in was PotC, and look, those movies quickly became garbage and JD is now on the list of people who make me cringe but once upon a time I rode hard for Sparrabeth, and now, after a fucking decade of pointless Jack Sparrow Adventures, ELIZABETH SWANN is going to be back on the screen and I can't guarantee you I'll watch it but I can ABSOLUTELY guarantee you when my old PotC buddies come crawling out of hibernation I'm gonna be there, devouring their fic and leaving gifts at the alter upon which I worship them. The point is, I've seen some shit. Not as much shit as some, but I've seen it.I'm not going to lie, a lot of people are likely to jump ship, and I wish them joy and happiness in their new adventures, and I hope every once in a while I'll meet them in a new fandom or we'll drudge up old times.But Captain Swan was the first ship that made me watch a show I was on the fence about. Captain Swan was what got me back into writing after spending years in a fog. Captain Swan has given me friends I talk to daily, and a story that will never fail to make me giddy.I have no intention of leaving fandom. You may see some people who drift away from the show next season who still talk about the show as a whole, you may see people who stop watching because Emma Swan is no longer around and THAT IS FINE. We all came to this show for our own reasons. It's our prerogative to decide what content will keep us watching, or creating, or interacting in the fandom. I will likely never completely "leave" Captain Swan, and if you don't want to, you shouldn't either. You can consume whatever form of fandom you want. That being said: I have been far less enthusiastic in consuming the canon of this show for a while now. There have been many things I didn't enjoy, creatively, and the first time I've watched an episode live since 6b started was the musical episode. There are a few ways this could go for me:1) The season seven "reboot" is engaging and fun and the writers give us something new and entertaining, and I watch and enjoy.2) The season seven "reboot" fails to tell new stories, doesn't develop the characters, doesn't use the characters in relevant ways, or plays the same tired plot points over and over again and I lose interest and stop watching and instead devote my only attention to canon to youtube videos of whatever Colin is currently doing to make me Feel Things.The first option gives me new ideas and interesting new perspectives and probably fifteen million au ideas.The second option, though sad, is basically what I did for most of the last half of this season. I did not disappear from fandom. Many people who did the same or similar did not disappear from fandom.Here's the thing. Some of the best fandoms I've been a part of, their canon had ended years before, but the fans were still active, still just as in love with whatever media they'd consumed, and some of them enjoyed by flat out refusing to acknowledge new canon. That's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Your fandom experience is your own, just like everyone else, and whatever everyone else decides to do, I'll still be here, shouting into the void about my eternal devotion to Captain Killian Jones and Emma Swan and their timeless love.(Also, I still have The Price to write, and an au I'm trying to ignore while I write The Price, and thirty thousand wip's I will probably never ACTUALLY finish but will bring up every once in a while to remind you all I'm a garbage person, and honestly, I think this revamp might be a thing I could enjoy. It will either get my creative juices flowing, or it will put me in constant fix-it fic mode, but either way, I'll still be here. Shipping the good ship)Anyway, eighty four years later, let me just say - you have to make this fandom experience your own, and it's okay to be concerned about the life of it, but I will likely die still in love with Captain Swan, and if it's just you and me, there at the end, at least we can say we went to the end of time for Emma and Killian. (It's not gonna be just you and me, though)