#the birds that sound like laser guns

[okbirdphotos]

Male Red-winged Blackbird

Virginia, February 2024.

[puppetmaster13u]

Dies Irae WIP

Have a bit of a wip for way later into the story because I am procastinating on the beginning lol. So have a lil bit of Dick's pov

👻🔥🦇👻🔥🦇👻🔥🦇👻🔥🦇👻🔥🦇👻🔥🦇👻🔥🦇

   “These assholes again?” Red Hood muttered, sounding incredibly done even with the modulated voice that came through the helmet. 

   Dick eyed the man, then let his gaze shift towards the people in white with- apparently- laser guns. Then turned his gaze back to Bruce, whose jaw was set in his usual not-quite a scowl that meant he was going over something and not liking the picture it was painting. Joy. 

   And tonight had started out so well with them actually being able to find the maybe-crime boss. It was hard to tell if the man-who-might-be-younger-then-Dick was actually one or just got latched onto by the Crime Alley residents as a guardian alongside Peter. Though the meta was more of a local semi-celebrity. 

   The crime lord (if he was one) cracked his neck, those weird- but pretty cool- ribbons circling around him almost defensively. “Oi, big bird, old man, you gonna’ stop me from hurting these idiots?” he called towards the two of them from where he was also ducked around a support pillar, interrupting one of the goons-in-white’s own spat out words. 

   Honestly Dick hadn’t caught the man’s words, though knowing B they’d comb over every bit of the footage from their suits after this. But well, the dude obviously felt it was important if the downright thunderous expression was to go by. 

   A glance at B’s face nearly had him wincing. Yeah whatever had been said, Bruce really hadn’t appreciated or liked it in any way either. Still, he responded to Hood with a growl in his voice even as a batarang found its way into his fingers. “We don’t kill-”

   Hood audibly scoffed, even over the sound of the laser-guns. “Well too bad I’m not one of your oversized pigeons,” the maybe-teen snarked, guns suddenly in his hands. Damn, Dick hadn’t even seen him grab them, they’d almost just appeared in his hands like they’d been summoned in the time it took him to blink. 

   “Hey now,” Dick found himself joking as he peered back around the metal while trying not to get his head taken off. “What have I ever done to you to call me that, huh?” 

   “Exist.” The word was punctuated by a few shots of the… hm, .45 guns he thinks? It wasn’t like he knew what specifics Hood used or that he knew everything about them. Gosh he wished he wasn’t out of birdarangs, even if Bruce passed him a few batarangs to throw. 

   Not helping was the fact that Hood had cut both of his (), meaning he couldn’t swing up to the rafters to get a drop on the… okay that was a lot of people. Now suddenly less as one quite literally exploded into gore, definitely not from any sort of weapon of theirs. 

   A glance towards Hood nearly made him miss his throw towards one of the white-wearing goons. The trenchcoat the maybe-teen was literally writhing, glowing and shimmering like living flames as sparks trailed behind him. 

   Okay, alright, Hood was apparently a meta like Peter too. An undead meta fighting against people claiming to be part of the government and wanting to murder him for being a… ghost? What like Deadman? 

   Dick’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. He was definitely missing something here, and judging from B’s scowl he wasn’t enjoying having only part of a puzzle either. 

[conanssummerchild]

writing a fic abt rick having an ed bcs why would i recover when i can just project all my issues onto fictional old men in cartoons and pretend everythings better now ‼️

tw eating disorder, minor self harm and vomit near the end

Morty stopped in the open doorway of the garage, watching Rick who was sat scribbling down some kind of invention idea, or equation, or whatever it was he did when Morty wasn't around, for all Morty knew he might well be writing fanfiction.

An involuntary smile pulled at his lips at the idea of his almost 70 year old genius grandfather spending his free time writing silly little stories at his work bench. What would he even write? Ball Fondlers fanfic? Maybe he wrote about his stoic bird friend, Rick had always been touchy with him and Rick wasn't touchy with anyone.

When Morty focused back on Rick he wasn't writing anymore, the slightly crumpled piece of paper shoved to the side as he fiddled with what looked like a small metal box with a bunch of brightly coloured wires poking out of the sides. A small spark shot out of one of the wires Rick was holding and he cursed loudly, shaking his hand.

"Fuck, Morty, are you just gonna– gonna stand there, or are you gonna pass me the fucking, uh– the thing."

Rick waved his hand in the general direction of the shelf nearest to Morty, but there were so many assorted trinkets on the shelves, Morty had no idea if Rick wanted a wrench, or a hammer, or one of his laser guns, maybe the box was like a new battery for them?

"W-what thing, Rick?"

"The thing, Morty! The fucking– the uh, destornillador."

"What? Rick, I don't know what that means. W-w-what is that?"

"Jeez, Morty, what are they teaching you at that crap school you love so much?" Rick scowled, tossing the box to the side and getting up to grab the screwdriver himself.

"I havent been to school in like a month, Rick!" Morty exclaimed. "And even then I only got to stay for like an hour before you were dragging me out again!"

"Whatever." Rick said with a burp, "School's dumb, Morty. I'll teach you Spanish myself. B-but, uh, not now."

He turned back to his box, done with the conversation, but Morty stayed hovering in the room, remembering what he had come for in the first place.

"Okay, um, w-w-well lunch is ready."

"I'm busy."

Morty sighed, having expected that answer already. "When's the last time you ate, Rick? Or slept? Or... showered?" Morty said, wrinkling his nose a little.

Rick ignored him, pulling at a blue wire.

"Rick!" Morty frowned.

"What, Morty? J-jesus christ, what the fuck do you want?"

"I want you to have lunch with the family."

"And I said no, so screw off."

"Rick, come on, it would make mom so happy."

Rick glared at him, not bothering with an answer.

"...Wouldn't y-you do it for your original Beth if you could?" Morty tried.

Rick slammed the box on the table, causing the thin metallic shell to crack, sparks flying from it, the sudden noise making Morty jump.

"The fuck did you just say?" Rick snarled.

"S-s-sorry!" Morty squeaked. "I didn't m-mean– mean it in a bad way!"

"Get the fuck out." Rick said icily, eyes blazing.

Morty stumbled out of the room, shutting the door behind him to the sound of something crashing. Probably Rick throwing the damaged box across the room.

Morty winced. In his defense he was worried about Rick, and sometimes, depending on his mood, something like that would've gotten Rick to cave, clearly he wasn't feeling so sentimental today, more annoyed and angry.

"What was that about?"

Morty startled a little and turned to see Summer looking at her phone behind him.

"Just, y'know, Rick being... Rick."

"Mhm, pro tip, don't bring up his dead daughter to try and blackmail him into something he hates." Summer drawled. "You can only do that if he's already half convinced, or if he's feeling especially depressed sometimes.

"Summer! That's– that's messed up!"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, so only you can manipulate grandpa Rick?" Summer scoffed. "God forbid women do anything." She said sarcastically and turned to walk away.

"Wait!" Morty fidgeted with his hands. "Can you... help me? To get him to have lunch w-with us? Please?"

"Yes, but not now. He's already upset so if we double down on trying to get him to eat he's only gonna clam up."

Morty nodded. "I know that– but how do you? You don't spend as much time with Rick as I do."

"Because he's like mom. Who do you think got her to stop drinking before parent-teacher conferences at school?"

"Wow. That's pretty fucked up that you had to do that, though, y'know, Summer."

"Yeah, well, we're the Smiths, Morty. Is anyone in this house not disordered?"

Morty winced at the blunt statement, Rick really was rubbing off on her. But it was kind of true.

"Guess it runs in the family." He muttered

"Guess it does."

---

Morty hadn't been planning on seeing Rick again until the next day. He knew that when Rick got upset he needed his space. Morty didn't quite get it because when he was upset all he wanted was for someone to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but Rick wasn't like him he supposed.

If he was being honest it made him nervous to leave Rick alone in those bad headspaces he got into. Rick was volatile and unpredictable and a borderline danger to himself and often others. He'd walked in on a couple... compromising situations where Rick had had to explain away why he was passed out in his chair or why there was blood on his hands and his lab coat despite being the only person in the room.

Morty pretended to believe him when he said he had been doing a messy dissection experiment or that "This isn't blood, this is Balorkian dust I mixed with red Squanchenite fluid from Planet Squanch, Morty." But truthfully those moments haunted him.

However, he didn't want to invade Rick's space, so he let him be and tried to eat and sleep until Rick emerged like nothing had happened, even though Morty knew what habits of his went on behind those closed doors.

Of course Morty's patience had it's limits, like when two hours after he had left Rick in the garage, angry, there was the sound of something smashing, closely followed by an unmistakable sound that Morty had grown too familiar with since Rick had moved in. The sound of a body thudding to the ground.

He was up from the sofa in a flash, at the garage door before Summer could even put down her phone, flinging it open.

He felt like he couldn't breathe, but the only sight that greeted him was a smashed bottle and rick lying on the floor next to it, not looking any more dead than usual, looking up at Morty blearily, cracking a smile.

"Oh, hi Morty. H-hey buddy." He slurred, clearly drunk out of his mind.

"Jesus fucking christ, Rick." Morty said weakly.

"What happened?" Summer breathed, now standing at his side.

"He's just drunk." Morty muttered, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering smell that he hadn't registered before between his state of panic and shallow breathing.

Summer ventured into the garage, picking up an empty bottle and sniffing it. "God, grandpa Rick, what the hell are you drinking in here, fucking rubbing alcohol?"

"Sum-Sum! 'M just having some– some fun drinks. Fun drinks just a lil' bit. Besides I only ever drank rub-rubbin' alcohol once, n' it was– tasted like shit."

"What? I was being sarcastic, why would you drink that?"

"Because I was sad... was sad 'nd lonely after B-b-blood Ridge, couldn't find anythin' else. But 'm not s-sad now."

"What's Blood Ridge?" Summer frowned, "Actually it doesn't matter right now, you need to sober up."

"Get him some water," Morty interjected. "I'll clean up the glass. I also know where he keeps all his hangover serums and stuff, but he told me not to let you into any of his drug stashes."

"Fair enough." Summer shrugged, leaving to get Rick some much needed water.

While she was gone, Morty felt along the wall until he found the small hidden panel under Rick's desk. He fished out the light blue vial of fluid for hangovers, the red one he'd forced Rick to make that would sober him up and a green one that basically equivalated to getting your stomach pumped if you took it, just in case he'd taken more than just alcohol.

He shut the panel securely and placed the three coloured vials on Rick's work bench, grabbing a purple tube-like gadget from a shelf. He pressed a button on the back of it and typed in "Broken Glass" on a small hologram keyboard that emerged, then pressed that first button again. A blue ray shot out, scanning the garage, and the pieces of smashed bottle disappeared in a matter of seconds.

Morty looked over at Rick, who was still lying on the floor, but now he was tracing his fingers along a crack in the cold ground, his expression so solemn he almost looked sober.

"Rick?" Morty asked hesitantly.

"I miss her." He said flatly. "I miss her s-so much."

His words were still a little slurred but his tone had lost all the previous levity.

"I tried to save her, Morty, I t-t-tried, but I couldn't bring her back. And no one could ever replace her." A rough sob escaped his throat. Morty felt frozen. "I'm a crappy fuckin'– piece of shit father but I didn't want to be. I was gonna fuckin' give– give up everything for them, and I would've been happy. I would've been so happy as long as I had them, but he fuckin' took that from me! I nnever even got a chance."

Rick was crying, he was crying so hard that his tears stained the concrete dark grey and snot ran down his face sideways. He was shaking like a leaf and gasping for air.

Morty crouched down next to him, fists clenching and unclenching, unsure if he should hug Rick, or if that would make it worse. What else could he do?

"Oh– oh shit, Rick, I–"

"My little girl, my baby." Rick continued between sobs. "She meant everything to me. S-so yeah, I would be better f-for her if I could, but she's gone. There's no point."

Rick's sudden fit of violent sobs was calming down, replaced by a look that Morty could only describe as pure hoplessness and defeat washing over his features.

"'S no point in anything."

Shit, this was bad. Rick didn't admit defeat, and he certainly didn't talk so openly about his feelings like this.

"Aw jeez, Rick, come on don't– don't– don't say that. we killed Rick Prime, remember?" Morty said, wringing his hands anxiously.

"Yeah, I remember." Rick said, tone now devoid of emotion. "I remember killin' him with my bare hands, watchin' the life drain out of his eyes as his blood dripped down my fists. And I remember nothing changing. W-w-what d'ya do when you achieve your life long goal and nothin's better? It didn't bring them back, it didn't– didn't give me closure or give me a reason to live. I still can't sleep, petrified he's in the fucking house, comin' for my new family, that he'll kill all of you to teach me that t-that's what happens when I-I care about people."

Rick wiped his face with his lab coat sleeve, rubbing away the snot, drool and dried tears while Morty just kneeled next to him, frozen and unsure what to say.

"Rick..." he started but then Summer stepped through the doorway and Rick's demeanour instantly changed.

"Summerfest!" he called out and Morty watched, a little shocked, as Rick's whole face changed in the blink of an eye, going back to the cheerful, goofy expression he'd been wearing when he and Summer first came in. It didn't look artificial to Morty at all, even now that he knew it was. How could Rick just switch it on and off just like that?

"I brought water and coffee." Was all Summer said, placing two mugs on the workbench. "And a cereal bar."

The second statement sounded a little more unsure and Morty could've sworn he saw Rick's jaw clench for a second.

"Gimmie coffee." Rick said, making grabby hands, still lying on the floor.

"Water first." Summer replied, handing him the larger of the two mugs.

Rick pouted a little but as soon as the mug was in his hands he drank thirstily, finishing the whole thing in one go.

"You want more?" Summer asked, taking the mug, but he just shook his head quietly.

"Okay," Morty cleared his throat when his voice came out a little shaky. "drink this."

He handed Rick the red 'get sober' vial and Rick chugged it obediently, making a face. "Tastes like– like shit." He offered.

While he seemed a little calmer after the water and serum, his eyes were still unfocused and his voice sounded thick, like his tongue didn't fit in his mouth properly, hints of his accent were slipping through too.

"Did you- are you on drugs r-right now?" Morty asked, reaching for the green vial of serum.

"Maybe." Rick mumbled. His eyelids were starting to droop a little and he curled up more comfortably on the floor.

"Hey, Rick, don't go to sleep okay? What did you take?" Summer asked, crouching down next to him, shaking him a little. He groaned. "Come on, we just have to make sure you're not overdosing and then you can sleep. Maybe not on the floor."

"'M not overdosing." Rick grumbled.

"What did you take?"

"I dunno. Just some random alien drugs I found i-in my pocket." He said dismissively with a burp. "Actually one of 'em was probably adderall. Look at me bein' all responsible an-and takin' my meds n' shit."

He of course immediately showed his 'responsibilty' by gagging and then throwing up on the floor.

Morty winced, reaching for the purple device again while Summer tried to coax him into drinking the green liquid, frowning deeply.

Finally Rick gave in, sipping from the small vial, and almost instantly his eyes began to clear up a little bit.

"Why'd I make these work so well?" He groaned. Then, "My head is killing me, I want coffee."

Summer passed him the second mug and he gestured toward the hangover serum, which Morty promptly passed to him and Rick poured it in his coffee.

He gulped down half the coffee and sighed, wiping his mouth with his already rather dirty sleeve. "Fuck, that's better."

He downed the rest of it and placed the mug on the ground, getting to his feet shakily. He swayed and nearly fell, leaning onto the wall to steady himself as the dizzy spell passed, and then stretched, his back cracking loudly.

He took a few wobbly steps towards the door but Summer blocked the way.

"Fuck– fuck off Summer I gotta– I'm gonna go take a nap."

"Could you maybe eat something first?" She asked firmly, holding up the cereal bar.

"No."

Rick tried to sidestep her but she blocked the way again.

"Summer, don't fucking piss me off right now, I'm serious."

She stood her ground. "Just eat the cereal bar, grandpa Rick. Please."

"Summer, for fuck's sake, I said no!"

"Grandpa," She sighed, the arm holding the bar dropping defeatedly back down to her side. "Do you have an eating disorder?"

The garage was deathly quiet for a second.

"Wha-What?! I'm not a teenage girl in a f-f-f– goddamn netflix drama, Summer." Rick snarled. "What the fuck kinda question is that?"

He gestured wildly, taking another step forwards, which quickly seemed to be the wrong option as a sudden wave of dizziness hit him hard, making him almost loose his balance. He blindly tried to grab onto the back of his chair somewhere behind him, but missed and fell on his ass.

"Rick!" Morty and Summer both rushed to his side, Morty's eyes beginning to well up a little from all the stress of the day.

"I'm fine, don't– don't fucking touch me." He said, shaking Summer's hand off his shoulder, which caused another wave of nausea to hit.

"Please eat this." Summer said nervously, voice shaking as she pushed the cereal bar into his left hand, his right one gripping at his hair.

"Summer, I promise you if I eat that shit right now I'm gonna throw the fuck up."

"Please?" Morty pouted, eyes big and teary.

All it took was one look at him, and with only a brief moment of hesitation Rick snatched the cereal bar from Summer, muttering angrily under his breath.

Morty only caught "Me cago en la puta." and "Maldito cabrón." which he more or less understood, more familiar with swear words than any other words in the Spanish language.

Rick peeled away the wrapper slowly with unsteady hands and took a small bite.

Morty and Summer watched in silence, not wanting to discourage him by saying the wrong thing—which with Rick could be anything—as Rick uncomfortably ate the cereal bar.

"There you fucking go." He said weakly, Throwing the now empty wrapper at Summer, but missing as it was too light to travel more than a couple centimetres, landing somewhere by his feet.

"Thank you." Summer almost whispered.

They sat in silence for a while, Morty sniffling and rubbing at his eyes and Summer shuffling a bit closer to him for both of their comfort.

Rick was sitting with his knees losely bent and his head braced in his hands, trying to overcome another hit of nausea.

He wouldn't exactly say he tried super hard to keep the cereal bar down, but it wasn't deliberate when he vomited it down the front of his shirt.

"Oh! Aw jeez..." Morty winced.

"I did warn you."

"In our defense, you had every reason to be lying to us."

"Fuck you, Summer." It sounded weak even to his own ears.

She sighed softly.

"Morty, get his shirt off. Do you have pijamas or do you sleep in jeans and a lab coat?"

"Jeans an-and a lab coat."

"...I was joking, but okay." Summer said, flipping the switch that opened Rick's garage closet and grabbing one of his sets of identical outfits.

Rick squirmed, making noises of complaint as Morty tried to take off his current shirt.

"Rick– stay still, you have vomit on your clothes."

"I'm not fucking two years old, Morty." He scowled. "I can change by myself."

Rick tried to sit up but wobbled and then slumped back against the wall, needing more time to recover. Morty reached for his shirt again and this time Rick let him pull it carefully up over his head without resisting. Morty took the new set of clothes from where Summer had left them on the floor next to him.

Summer wasn't looking but Morty still shielded Rick's body from sight with his own, pointedly not mentioning the raised scars and jagged, angry, red cuts littering his arms which he had already suspected would be there.

Rick shifted uncomfortably, seeming relieved when Morty didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay." Morty said, helping Rick pull on his clean lab coat too.

"I'm going to bed." Rick grumbled, not waiting for him to continue, just getting up slowly.

He felt weak and shaky and his brittle old bones weren't exactly helping out. Despite his thousands of cybernetic implants he was still human, much to his dismay, and he couldn't treat his body as badly as he did when he was 30. Not that that ever seemed to stop him, managing to still maintain the same shitty habits he'd had for years at the ripe age of 67.

He stumbled through the dining room, Morty and Summer trailing after him, not discouraged by the glare he sent their way.

As soon as he reached his room, he slumped onto his bed with a groan.

"R-rick?"

"Fuck off, Morty." He snapped into his pillow, a little muffled by it.

Morty hesitated, exchanging a glance with Summer, who shrugged.

"...Ookay, Rick. Uh, see– see you at dinner, today? maybe?'

"Don't count on it."

Summer frowned, Starting to say something, but Rick interrupted, "I'm gonna apply my room's Lock Protocols in ten seconds, so i-if you're still in here, I'm not letting you out until I'm done sleeping. A-a-and if you're standing in the doorway, you're gonna get fucking squashed in the doors."

"Whatever, Rick, fuck you too." Summer huffed, pulling Morty out of the doorway with her.

"Room, activate Sensory Protocol 2. And t-tell Summer to go fuck herself."

"Sensory Protocol 2 activated." Came the mechanical voice and a heavy metal door snapped shut. "Go fuck yourself, Summer."

Summer scoffed. "Dick." Followed by a sigh. "What are we gonna do?"

"I-I don't know." Morty admitted. "There's not much we can do if Rick won't accept help. And he won't."

"So what? We just give up on him?" Summer asked accusingly, putting her hands on her hips.

"No, Summer, J-jeez. I just– We're gonna have to get creative."

"Fuck."

---

thats it thats the end i didnt know how tf to end this but my goal wasnt to rewrite like the bible idfk it was just to put rick through shit and put completely unfair expectations on summer and mortys shoulders so that they could ALL suffer in this fic !! :3 also this is so mf long i sincerely apologise if u read all that

[deerhillsniperservice]

From the Vault to the army (Don’t mind my obsession with snipers)

Since I was a child I saw them leaving the vault. I was there when the overseer gave a speech about America and serving the Enclave before opening the door. Those big kids never mentioned the wasteland up above. So where were they going?

For all my life, I’ve considered a life in a vault the most predictable thing to exist. You’re assigned a role. You do the job. Nothing more nothing less. Not until I took the general test and the result turned out I wasn’t ideal for their vault. Same goes for some kids in my class. There were around 20 of us. Ranging for 10 to 15. I was 13, one of the younger children who was told to stay after class for “extra homework”. As much as I love this place, I still fear for what I have to do to fit in. I had to sit still til everyone else left. Late noon with other 19 kids with no clue. I saw Rupert tapping his finger to some kind of tune, Alice throwing a hissy fit, and that one jock kicking Rupert’s chair. I remained calm as I was afraid. Did I fail the test?

The door clicked shut. Our attention was all drawn to the teacher in front of our class who proceeded to tell us about how our vault remained protected for the last centuries while the others were raided and destroyed from the inside. It was no secret that the overseer had made a deal with the outsiders. A necessary agreement to keep us safe. And as a payment, they have us trained for combat. Like an actual soldier. So one day we will be sent outside and join them to continue protecting the next generation.

I never knew a gun could be that heavy until I held one. The recoil hit me like a punch to my shoulder. I knew I couldn’t catch up with the rest of the children my age with my stamina. So I had to stay behind and try not to be seen by the opponent. In that class, I learned how to be stealthy and stay undetected. Years later, the gun wasn’t so heavy for me. It was a BB gun. But It was modified to make you feel like the real one. I even got a long one with a scope. Looks and feels cool. And by the age of 18, We finished basic training. Finally ready to face the real world.

Came the day I become the one standing in the line with a sealed document in my arm, listening to the overseer wishing all 20 kids luck. We were granted the title of little soldiers of Vault 35. And now it’s the outside soldiers’ turn to take care of us. Who I always expected to be the former vault kids. But when I thought I already knew everything, it turned out to be barely a piece of the whole puzzle.

Behind the big gate, we were taken by men in power armor. Forced to walk through a dark tunnel with only beams of light emitting from their pre war looking metal helmet and laser rifles behind our back. Comply or die, they say. The faded stars surrounding the “E” logo on their chest piece told me they were no rookie mercenaries. It gives a familiar feeling of the American flag. I kept walking, feeling the rumbling ground and unstable cave walls. Hours passed and no casual chit chat to keep my ears company. And after we reached the exit, for the first time in my life I saw a starry sky.

Hearing nothing but the sound of Vertibirds landing, the army men grabbed us by the arm and dragged us up the birds. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. The night was bright enough to let me see what the view below looked like. A barren wasteland as far as eyes could see. Hopeless and pitiful.

I glared back at the soldier in the armor. I saw the reflection on those glassy eyes. A young girl, loosely tied dark hair and defeated void black eyes reflecting back. Skin yellow pale from lack of touch with the real sunlight. Too naive, too pure for the real world. I was scared, Yet I remained calm.

We landed in the morning. Dust, everywhere. More than I’ve ever seen in my life. The rocky hills surrounded the area like a big wall with only one road down and all cliffs. I stood there, bending over to see the whole thing and was almost thrown to the ground when the soldier jumped off and tilted the floor I was on. The rest of the class gathered in front of the gate with me behind all the tall folks. It was rather cold so I was eager to get inside. By that point I wasn’t surprised when it was revealed to be a hidden military base owned by the remnants of the US government. It did not take long to get in but a while to get our document sorted. The one that I carried out of the vault. They’re my personal information and my training result.

Within the same week, I was sent to their official training course and finally learned the organization was called the Enclave. Despite the experience in the vault, I was no match to the soldiers that were already here. Took me a few more tries to get a grasp of how they actually do things here. Even started learning their slang in my lunch break too. The first six months were adapting to a new environment. The rest of the year was reserved for mastering the art of marksmanship. I could only thank myself for paying attention to the classes. The next year, I set a goal for myself to get into their sniper school. Something I thought I might be naturally good at.

I was 18. New kid in the army. No respect given and no skill to prove them wrong. Other kids went to different units. I was the only one in the sniper school.  I wasted another several months trying to pass the school. But despite the fear, I remained calm. I left with no goal of my own. Only the one they set for me.

On my first patrol in winter. I was given nothing but a tight bodysuit with ghillie cape and boots. It was thick enough to handle be slashed but not the cruel wind. I caught a cold that day and was left at a small station with only a young officer and few soldiers. The officer looked so determined with his piercing sage green eyes. He had a heat lamp by his desk which I had to get close for warmth. And to my surprise, he noticed me shiverind and gave me the lamp.

We met a few more times during patrols. I learned his name and he learned mine. We even ate lunch sometimes. He's the first human to even treat me as another being. I found comfort in his presence.

Months passed, and I found myself wearing his old jacket underneath my cape. He got himself a new coat. Our relationship remained secret. Since he's an officer and I'm an enlisted. He would get in trouble for that. The only solution is to get a proper marriage.

It was just a simple paper stuffs. We both have plain matching gold rings and a promise to be there for each other to see the day America is restored.

[omegaremix]

Darkness finds; 2022-2024.

OOPS. Looks like we jumped the gun. Earlier this month, we shared the original shorter list of @postpunkindustrial’s finds from our previous music roll (Ω+) and already it’s gotten some fever. We didn’t realize we set the trigger a few days earlier than intended, just as more of these titles were being released for all of us to have.

Good news: We upped the finds five-fold since then. We found a lot of curious stuff worth hearing and an era to appreciate, so here’s the list we intended on posting. Industrial, breakcore, new wave, goth rock, no-wave, hip-hop, noise, and experimental sounds are all on the table - and then some.

In a never-ending race for us to catch up on everything we haven’t listened to yet, we’ll still take more. It’s possible that we’ll use them for future purposes (posting, airplay, etc.) and for you to get some ideas, because that’s what we do here. But, don't thank us, thank him for sharing the wealth. It’s the right thing to do.

Siglo XX: self-titled

Clock DVA: Advantage

* various artists: New York Noise Vol. 1-3.

Gridlock: Further

Rubberoom: Architechnology

Din-S.T.: 93 In The Mornin’

Parasite vs. Electromeca: C'mon PunXXX!!! Counterattack!!!

Gravediggaz: 6 Feet Deep

God: The Anatomy Of Addiction

Diseno Corbusier: El Alma De La Estrella

Thunderinas, The: Blower

Ślepcy: Absent Opera

Mark Stewart & The Maffia: Learning To Cope With Cowardice

Somatic Responses: Uncivilized World

Xanopticon: Même Mage

* various artists: The Last Supper

Muslimgauze: Lo-Fi India Abuse

Tools You Can Trust: Working And Shopping

Dead Voices On Air: Hafted Maul

Ice: Bad Blood

Annie Anxiety: “Barbed Wire Halo” 7″

Crash Worship: A.D.R.V.

Portion Control: Shot In The Belly

Het Zweet: self-titled

Pan Sonic: A

Bourbonese Qualk: The Spike

Keith LeBlanc: Major Malfunction

Ed Flis / Seppuku Fashion: The End split

Michael Siegel: The Sounds Of The Junk Yard

* various artists: Collision Course

Corrosion of Conformity: “Vote With a Bullet” (Consolidated RMX)

Winterkälte: Drum ‘N’ Noise

SPK: “No More”

Sleep Chamber: Flesh On Flesh

Keiji Haino: Execration That Accept To Acknowledge

* various artists: Payrere 2nd edition

Hanayo & *various artists: Gift

Diseno Corbusier: Perfido Encanto

Mighty Upsetter: Kung Fu Meets The Dragon

Tangerine Dream: Thief original motion picture soundtrack

Test Dept.: Beating The Retreat

* various artists: Dry Lungs

Edgar Froese: Kamikaze

Full Watts label discography

* various artists: New York Noise Volumes 1-3

Somatic Responses: Engaging The Enemy

King Tubby: King At The Control

CPUWar & Pisstank: split LP

Organum: In Extremis

Zipper Spy: Extortionist

Dev/Null: Laser Thrash

Proyecto Mirage: self-titled

* various artists: Pathological Compilation

Revolutionaries, The: Earthquake Dub (Evolution Of Dub Vol. 5)

Optic: Raver Chix Dig Noize!

DJ Scud & Christoph Fringelli: Bodysnatcher

Einsturzende Neubauten: Stahlmusik

Tape Beatles, The: A Subtle Buoyancy Of Pulse

Din-S.T.: Ladycracker e.p.

Jackel & Hyde: Escape From South London

Fanny: Fear And Loathing For Dummies

2nd Gen.: Irony Is

DJ Scud (is Rudeboy): Jackboots And Birds

Tackhead: Tape Time

Gary Cross: Salaried Man Club

Maria Zerfall: Tote-Zone.

Throbbing Gristle & Albrecht/d.: Music From The Death Factory

Coil: “Is Suicide A Solution?” 7”

* various artists: Sexorama 1: Compilation Of Industrial Culture Mail Music

William S. Burroughs: Dead City Radio

FM Einheit: Stein

Photek: UFO

* various artists: Dirty Debutantes Vol. 1

V-Vm: The Christmas Cracker

Babyland: You Suck Crap

(Updated.)

[foomoosworld]

The Raven And The Firefly - Chapter 5

MINORS DNI

Joel Miller X female reader

Crossover with Stars Too Far

Summary: Joel is tasked to take a strange woman to the fireflies who can't be infected. He believes she is part of a strange and unhinged cult that believes their from outer space. However, begins changing his mind about her as he travels with her.

Warning: Sex. Passionate sex. Nothing too crazy yet.

You wake up with large, strong arms wrapped tightly around you and the sound of birds chirping and the sun blaring into your face.

“Joel,”  You nudge him to loosen his grip but he merely mumbles in his sleep and pulls you tighter.  His strong arms feel comforting and his warm body wrapped around you feels secure as you turn into him and nudge him awake with a push of your cheek against his.

“Mmmph.”  He grumbles in protest.

“It’s daytime, we should get going.”  you whisper.

His hands slowly caress down on your body beneath your unzipped sleeping bags in his half conscious state as he mumbles, “Just a few more minutes.”  His leg slowly snakes around your hips and pulls you into him.

“You smell good.”  He whispers, losing his face in the soft skin of your neck.

You can’t help but let your hands wander over his chest which produces a satisfied moan from Joel.

Then there was a click.

Both of you instantly became on high alert and bolted upright from under the sleeping bags.

A clicker was distortedly angling and blindly searching at the edge of the treeline just ten feet away from you.

You slowly grabbed your knife from your pack as Joel grabbed his hunting rifle.  He gently got to his feet but you touched his side and shook your head “No!” at him.  You knew that if there is one clicker, there are more, and possibly Runners.  If you made noise then you could be suddenly inundated with them.

Joel was laser focused, aiming his rifle at the clicker and silent as it blindly stumbled and stretched uncomfortably with every step into your camp.  You gingerly sidestepped a wide berth around it with your knife ready in your hand.  Both of you knew the best result may be it just stumbling in then fumbling away, finding nothing.  Extremely cautious silence was your best option currently.

It clicked and snarled into the camp as you and Joel nervously flicked your eyes from it to each other, trying to read each other’s fear.  That’s when it stumbled over the ambers of your campfire.  It screeched, burning it’s leg and the shreds of it’s pant leg catching on fire but you jumped on it’s back, stabbing it in its vocal chords then it’s jugular before it could scream and alert others.  It spun around wildly and managed to shake you off enough that it could grab you and throw you down to the ground. It bit your bicep and pulled back with a chunk of your skin.  Just as it pulled back with a portion of your shoulder in it’s mouth there was a gun shot and its head exploded.  It flopped to the ground like a lifeless doll.

You couldn’t catch your breath from the panic but heard Joel’s thundering footsteps racing towards you before you blacked out.

……………..

Your eyes cracked open.  It was nighttime and the orange haze of a fire fended off dark shadows as you groaned and sat up.  

Joel was pointing his gun at you.

You slowly raised your hands in surrender.

“Tell me your name.”  Joel rasped, staring darkly down the nozzle of his gun at you.

“Ameo… But shitheads who point guns at me call me Amy.”  You grog.

“You’re not infected.”  Joel states trying to hide his confusion and curiosity.

You flick your eyes up at him then down at your weeping bite wound with a sneer of pain.

“I’m not.”

“How is that possible?”  He sternly pushes.

“I keep telling you, I’m not fully human…”  You grunt as you roll to your feet to get Joel’s pack for some bandages.

Joel stiffens his gun at you and you raise your hands again falling back into a submissive sitting position, realizing he’s serious.

“You’re fucking crazy.”  He stiffly states as he stares at you from behind his gun, “But you’re not infected after over two days.”  He lowers his gun, gets up, grabs the pack and pulls out the roll of bandages. “So I believe you… that you can’t get infected.”  

You’re confused at first but he pulls off your coat to expose your wound more thoroughly then begins cleaning it with hydrogen peroxide on a rag.  You wince at the cold burning of it as he puts it against your skin.

“Where are we?” You ask with a cracking voice through your pain.

“Same forest. Just farther away from the last camp so other infected couldn’t find us. You’ve been asleep for a few days.”

“We’ve been here for more than two days?”  You ask, astounded.  Joel merely continues to clean and dress your wound then glances up at you, then back to your wound.

“Yeah.”  He states simply.

He expertly wraps your shoulder in the bandages, rubs it gently then looks up at you.

“How does that feel?”  He asks.

“Why did you stay with me all that time not knowing if I would change?  Or that you could be attacked by more Infected finding you?”

Joel hesitates then looks away.  He opts to change the subject and pulls himself to his feet, puts his hands on his hips and cocks one knee as he stares at the foreboding trunks of trees of the forest.

“We need to go East and we have some ground to make up.  There’s an abandoned hotel not far from here we can stay in tonight that I have some provisions stashed in.  Think you can hike for a few hours?”  He looks back at you.

You inspect your bandaged arm, impressed with Joel's first aid work then look back up at him.

“Yeah.  I can do that.”

You and Joel hike for hours through the forest then finally come to the edge of the  brush.  He kneels and scans the the open field before him.

“I think we’re safe.”  He stands up and offers a hand to you to help you up.  You take it and tiredly drag yourself to your feet. “That’s the hotel.”  he points at the dilapidated structure in the distance.

“Club Med”  you smirk at him.

He smiles.

“Let’s go.”  He ushers you into the field.

Cautiously, the two of you make your way across the field but suddenly there is a rusting in the grass.  Joel kneels down and puts a hand back, telling you to get low.

A deer wearily steps out a few feet in front of you.

“What is that?!” you whisper, terrified.  Joel merely angrily stares back at you to be silent and you button you lip.

The deer moves towards the two of you curiously.  Joel raises his rifle and you raise your hand.

The deer walks cautiously up to you and sniffs your hand.  You let it inspect you, then it hears a noise in the background and leaps off into the tall grass.

“Was that some kind of dog?”  You ask excitedly.

“You really are from outer space aren’t you?” Joel teases your ignorance, puts the safety back on his gun and holsters it.  “It could have been dinner.  But I don’t like meeting my dinner intimately before I eat it.”

You don’t really understand but shrug and continue walking behind Joel until you’ve made it to the forboding doors of the dilapidated hotel.

Joel shoulders the jammed door of the hotel loudly a few times before it gives in.  The bottom floor is flooded and overgrown with plantlife.  He points to a large stairwell on the other side of the lobby, through the murky water.

“We need to get there.  Can you swim?”  He asks.

“Kind of.”  You state and slowly step, carefully down into the water.  It’s waist high until a sudden drop and you begin dog paddling frantically.  You realize you won’t make it all the way over to the stairs in one go and swim over to a small stage that has a piano on it and drag yourself up onto it, panting.  Joel easily swims up next to you and pulls himself up.  As you both catch your breath you look back at the piano then pull yourself up from the ground, pull out the bench and sit down in front of it.

“You know how to play that thing?”  Joel asked.

“I heard during one of the wars there was an American Soldier who was once clearing a building in Germany.  He heard a man playing a beautiful piano song.  He went down to hear the music.  It was a German Soldier.   He played a whole song for that American soldier then looked up at him and they both smiled.  Then the American shot him.”

You play a chord on the hauntingly out of tune piano then a scale run.

“I do know how to play this thing.”  You smile up at him, “Maybe one day I’ll find one in tune and I can write a song for you.”

“I’d like that.”  Joel smiles at you.

You get up from the piano, sigh, then slough down back into the water and dog paddle your way over to the stairs.  You climb four flights of stairs and Joel leads you to a specific room.  He shoulders in the door again and once your inside you’re surprised to see a bed with blankets and pillows (dirty and worn, but blankets and pillows)  He shoved the door back shut with a loud grind and locks numerous locks that he has obviously, over time, rigged up and installed on the door.

“Are you hungry?”  He grunts going to the worn out kitchenette.

“Starving!” You say excitedly.  He pulls out a can of Chef Boyarde from the cupboard, turns on a propane hot plate and begins heating up the food.

“What is that stuff?”  You sneer your nose at it.

He hands you a plate of Chef Boyardee.

“Amazing.  That’s what it is.”  He smirks as he sits next to you on the bed and begins to eat his plate of food.  You hesitate at first, then take a bite, then happily engulf the rest of it quickly.

“Good, right?”  Joel laughs as you inhale the food.

“My mouth has never been so happy.”  You say in between messy bites.

You both finish eating and are exhausted.

“A real bed!”  You exclaim as you jump onto it and it exudes a cloud of dust.

“Yeah,”  Joel laughs, “A real bed.”  He takes off his rifle, boots and belt then shuffles to sit in the bed with you leaning against the headboard.

“Are we safe here?”  You ask meekly, looking out the broken window to the night sky.

“Nothing is getting past that door and those locks.”  Joel confirms.

“Thank the maker…”  You mumble as you nuzzle up against Joel in the bed and close your eyes.  He’s surprised at first, at how open you are to get close to him but and raises his arms, almost in protest, but eventually smiles and wraps his arms around you.  He sinks down into the comfortable bed and pulls you close to him.

“You smell so good.” he whispers to you.

“I haven’t showered in days.”  You laugh offhandedly.

He pulls you in and takes a slow inhale, “You smell like spring flowers.”

You look up at him and smile gently.  He breathes you in again then takes his strong hand and angles your face to his then gently nuzzles into you and you feel his lips touch yours.  His warm tongue slowly lavishes the inside of your mouth as he kisses you slowly and purposefully.  You feel his hips cant against you gently as his instincts begin to take over.  He pulls his shirt off and slowly trails a hand up your midsection, tickling your belly as he pulls your shirt up over your head as well.  

“I want to make you feel like a goddess.”  He quirks a small sideways smile as he reaches down to the button of your pants. 

You smile as he slowly peels off your clothes.  You feel his hot breath as he sniper-poses between your legs and hones in on your underwear.  His hand is slowly circling your clit over top of your underwear, teasing it, and as you get more and more excited he cracks a smile, seeing your underwear change color as it gets wet with your slick.

“You like that, baby girl?”  He rasps up at you.

“Mmm yeah…” Is all you can manage to muffle out.

He slowly pulls your underwear down with a finger, exposing your swollen, hot pussy to him.  He takes a slow and gentle inhale of your pussy, “That’s what I’ve been smelling…”  He confirms as he dives his face hungrily into your pussy.

You feel his hot, wet tongue slowly explore all of your folds, making you arch your back and call out.  His tongue finally slips upwards to your swollen clit and lavishes it.  He teases and circles it slowly at first, making you grasp the bed sheets then just as you’re about to explode he dives in and sucks and licks as hard as he can. 

Your body is wrenching and writhing.  You beg for release.  But he pulls back.

He pulls his pants and underwear off, springing his rock hard cock forward.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good, baby girl.”  He rasps.

“Yes, Joel.”  You stare at him intently.

He crowds over you and pushes you into the bed, his hot breath lavishing you as he stares down into your eyes.  Suddenly you’re seeing stars as he jams his cock into you and fills you up.  He puts one of his large arms under your lower back and angles you to just the right position so he’s thrusting slowly, forcefully, into your g-spot.  You exhale as if all of your stress has left your body upon his first few thrusts and when he sees this he smiles, pulls you tighter and begins slowly and rhythmically thrusting into you.  You become putty in his arms, your entire body, nothing but pleasure as his cock becomes harder and harder inside of you.

“Joel…” You moan in ecstasy as you roll your head back.

“That feels good, doesn’t it?” He rasps as he fucks you slowly harder.

“Yes, baby!  Harder!”  You exclaim.

“You want to be fucked good and hard?”  Joel whispers with a scent of excitement.  You can only muster a panting nod through your passion.  

He props himself up on his hands and knees and gruffly pushes you to line up underneath him.  He holds himself over top of you and leans in to whisper in your ear with a devilish smile, “Hold on, baby…” 

You feel his arm grab you under the small of your back then he wildly pumps into you.  His throbbing cock stretches you and hits places you’ve never felt before making you arch up into him and moan loudly as you squirm in excitement.  He’s pushing you down onto the bed and thrusting as hard as he can into you, watching your face cry out in pleasure as his cock twitches, hard to the extreme and he knows he won’t last long.

You push up from the bed and grasp him, calling out his name as you stretch yourself into him over and over again.  His balls heave up and cock twitches as he spews strong ropes of thick cum into you.   He calls out your name and tumbles over you, clutching you as he cants into you, hard at first then slowing as he softly rides out his orgasm.

His arms clutch you tightly as his heart races, then slows, then gently, he falls asleep next to you.  You curl into him, lavishing in his imposing touch.  

It had been so long since you had felt any kind of pleasure or safety and you wanted to stay in this room forever.  However, you knew, the next day you would be moving on.  And it was very likely neither of you would even talk about what just happened.

You look up to Joel’s sleeping face and felt sadness as he slowly and rhythmically breathed.  But then felt his arms and legs wrapped around you tightly and felt safety.  It was conflicting.  Which wasn’t good.  The last thing you needed was conflict on a journey that involved trying to keep you alive.

You guessed that he would pretend nothing happened the next morning when he woke up and braced yourself for that outcome.

[in-my-loki-feels]

I'm watching to the first episode of Earthsounds and I have a lot to say about Tom's choice of narration style, but he's describing the lyrebird and its attempt to attract a mate, right? The bird goes through a series of very interesting sounds, segues into a dance with grand plumage, and then, as Tom says, "But only when she gets close, does he reveal his grand finale..."

And the bird makes this wild sound, like, Atari video game type sound.

And Tom says, with extreme gravitas, "...the laser gun."

I laughed so hard I scared my cat. The sound itself is already kind of silly but to hear Tom call it what it is--a laser gun sound--so seriously was too much for me. 😂 I can tell this series will be well worth my time.

[jasper-dixon]

I sit and watch the birds outside while I drink my morning coffee before I start work. My favorites are when the hummingbirds come to visit the honeysuckle; they sound like those little laser pistol toys you could buy in the 90s that make a ray-gun sound. And they fight, why hasn't anyone drawn hummingbirds fencing? They do.

[trainsgenderfoxgirl2816]

I had another werid dream, it was like watching a TV show cause it was narrated, a bunch of characters from random media were doing stuff like I there was a Metro bus that rolled over on a hill also I think Senshi and Professor Frankly were on the bus, than as night fell, Dr Egg Man and Gru started firing a huge laser at the city and also just trying to kill everyone as part of some giant survival Game and right before the dream ended I saw Marcille running up a steep hill trying to avoid getting fried by the giant laser like Luigi did, and she ran up the hill jumped over a fence for cover but also killed a spy camera bird by breaking it's neck thinking nobody would notice and report her but somebody did and the dream started to fade out

Also in the not with the Overturned Bus there were Minions with Machine Guns, and I think Kirby was there too, and I think all of Paper Mario's other partners were there, also the whole thing tool place in my home city of Seattle except everything was in the wrong places, so the bus thing happened in the neighborhood near my old Elementary School, and the Laser thing with Marcille running up the hill happened on a beach but that was not right because the railroad tracks weren't there and it looked wrong because everything was in The Wrong places

Yes I'm aware this sounds pretty unhinged and there is an Assortment of Random characters but also despite tht Dream being in multiple Art styles and having fucked up Colors my brain couldn't tell it was a Dream until it ended

[proton-wobbler]

Round 1, Poll 44

Cabot's Tragopan vs Goldie's Bird-of-Paradise

sources under cut

Cabot's Tragopan Propaganda

eBird Sightings - 264

IUCN Status - Vulnerable

Location: China - the very Southeast portions of the country.

"Look up his mating dance. Resplendent"

Goldie's Bird-of-Paradise Propaganda

eBird Sightings - 29

IUCN Status - Vulnerable

Location: Oceania - D’Entrecasteaux Archipelago, off Southeast New Guinea

"Like many birds-of-paradise they have some fantastically weird plumage, and also one of their vocalizations sounds like a laser gun."

Image Sources: Tragopan (Su Li); BoP (Charles Davies)

[webbedphantom]

Another Tactica Repaint Your Heart thing, sorry-

But I just HAD to point this out

"When we met a talking bird, all sense of realism went out the window."

Akechi... My guy-

Do you not know what a parrot is?? Y'know, the bird that is famous for being able to talk??

Yeah, they just mimic sounds they hear, including speech, but they use that to communicate! And in a cognitive world, a parrot that actually talks isn't even remotely that far fetched, especially compared to like... Oh, I don't know, the shocking laser gun and light saber you carry around, or paint that makes you stronger or weaker depending on what color you're standing on, or just about anything else you've seen in the Metaverse??

I don't mean to harp on about this. I just think the idea that the ace detective has never heard of a parrot is really funny.

[lggy]

I don’t know what kind of bird they were but every morning at like 6 they’d start making a shit ton of noise and it sounded like a sci-fi laser gun going off

this is excellent

[askthechronoverse]

It's time for a vacation! The Chronoverse Crew is going on a roadtrip and adventure is in the backseat... and maybe something else as well.

Part One || Part Two

The morning air was overloaded with the sounds of cicadas and birds creating a borderline cacophonous symphony. That didn't matter to the Unikingdom's only true human resident, who was finally getting a quality level of sleep. He muttered something incoherent, digging his head into his pillow. This peace was soon broken by a loud series of knocks on his bedroom door. The human snapped to a sitting position and grabbed a laser gun, aiming it at the door and working on pure instinct. The door practically burst open and, when the intruder revealed themself he put his gun down and rolled his eyes.

"GOOD MORNING, RJ!" Unikitty flew into the dark bedroom and pulled the blackout curtains open to let sunlight join the party. Rex squinted in response to the sudden and unwanted appearance of light. 

"Mornin'?" The human replied, trying to figure out how the unicorn cat broke into his house. He rubbed his left eye with his hand and yawned. "We need to talk about boundaries again, don't we."

"We need to talk about something else first." Of course they did. Rex slowly got to his feet and began to look for a change of clothes. "It's summertime and it's almost time for my friends and I to go on our annual vacation!"

"You woke me up to tell me to castlesit? I'll do it, but can you keep conversations like this to after my morning coffee?" He found enough clothes to make a coherent outfit and started to push the floating unicorn cat out of his room.

"Nope! Because you are now my friend, that means you're going too." The cat held on to the doorframe. Rex stopped pushing, his expression a mix of annoyance and hidden flattery. 

"You… never asked me if I wanted to go, Princess. I could be doing something that day." Rex pointed out, the words coming out almost halfheartedly.

"I know you aren't. We have the same friends, RJ!" Unikitty countered. "And they're coming… well, everyone here in the Unikingdom is. So come with us." 

"This isn't an invitation I can decline, is it." Rex turned on the bedroom light and started to tame his wild hair in a small wall mounted mirror. 

"Nope! Besides, after what we've been through we could use a vacation!" There was a deep level of tiredness in her voice that really drove that point home. The human said nothing at first. He couldn't really counter that, though he would have preferred time alone to recover and adjust a little more to the peacetime chaos of the Unikingdom. "We're leaving in a few hours, so get packed and I'll take you to the castle!" This stopped Rex in his tracks.

"We're leavin'... in a few hours?"

"Yep! I'll be in the living room!" The cat floated off, closing the door and leaving the human stunned.

Unikitty was pulling a whole tray of cookies out of the oven by the time Rex emerged from his room, dressed in a denim vest and a ripped shirt that had a faded Space Corps logo printed on it. He held a beaten up duffel bag in his arms. He threw the bag on the couch and walked to his study. When Unikitty poked her head into the study, she found her friend on his radio, attempting to get a raptor to watch his house while he was away. She grinned widely, since he didn't sound too upset at the sudden prospect of a vacation with friends. When he was done, Unikitty grabbed his bag. 

"You're dressed and packed. Let's go! The others are waiting!" She grabbed Rex's hand and dragged him out of the cabin, barely giving him time to lock his front door.

The two friends soon found themselves in the shadow of the Unikitty shaped castle, a beaten up sky blue and faded green van on the road. Doctor Fox was dressed in a jumpsuit and checking the engine. She saw the two and waved. 

"RJ!" She closed the hood of the van and shuffled over to her friend, smiling excitedly. "I'm happy you decided to come! My calculations show that adding you to the trip will make the vacation 300% cooler!" That made the man smile a little.

"Princess gave me no choice, but I'm glad I'm addin' somethin' to the whole thing." He yawned, watching Unikitty through his bag haphazardly in the trunk. "Ya know where we're goin'?"

"I don't, actually. Unikitty only told Richard because he's driving, but he's not willing to part with that information either."

"Maybe I should go back to my cabin and get another bag. I assumed we were goin' to the beach, but maybe I shoulda known better." The Master Breaker was about to leave when he was stopped by Unikitty.

"There's no time now, RJ! We don't wanna leave without you!" She opened his duffle bag and dug through it, pulling out his guitar and grinning. "You have everything you need anyway and then some!"

"Get out of my duffle bag!" He pushed the royal cat away, snatched his guitar out of her paws and started to put it in the bag. He turned and saw Puppycorn and Hawkodile coming over the hill. The puppy saw his friend and tackled him with a hug. "Hey, kid! Good morning!"

"Mornin', RJ! You're comin' on vacation with us? That's so rad!" The puppy's ball tail wagged as he got off of Rex. Hawkodile just greeted the human with a knowing and sympathetic nod.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Rex flashed the pup a tired smile as Hawkodile threw his and Puppycorn's bags in the trunk. "Hey, Hawk. We got time for me to run to the coffee shop in town? I'll getcha some too."

"I'll make the run, bro. Ya take your coffee with thirteen sugars still?" The hawk crocodile stretched his wings, preparing to take flight. 

"Yeah. I can't cut the sugar down any further. Too used to it bein' overly sweet." Rex shrugged as Hawkodile rushed off to get them both coffee. "Get somethin' for Rich, too!" He called after the bodyguard's afterimage as the last member of the group floated into view. "Mornin', Rich." The brick was overburdened by his own bag and Unikitty's luggage and was relieved when Rex took some from him. 

"I'd say I was glad you decided to come with us, but I know the princess probably didn't give you a choice." Richard bobbed in a way that could be interpreted as a nod. "I will warn you that our road trips can get chaotic. Will you be alright with that?"

"Is it more chaotic than a normal day with the Princess?"

"I can't say you don't have a point. But the answer to that is yes. And the chaos isn’t entirely her doing." Richard didn't hold any tone to betray his feelings on that fact. That seemed to bother Rex that much more.  

"Well… I'm callin' shotgun." Rex jumped in the passenger seat next to the driver's seat and reclined in the seat with his hands behind his head. 

"Hey! I wanted to sit there!" Unikitty pouted. She squished her face against the window and stared at Rex, who just ignored her. "I'm always shotgun!"

"Princess, you can get that seat on the way home." Richard was handed a coffee cup by Hawkodile, who had just come back from the cafe. "Now, is everyone here and do you have everything you need? We have time for a few stops before we reach our destination, but we can't be late." Hawkodile and Rex waved from their positions, already engaged in a conversation about battle strategy. Doctor Fox called from under the van and Puppycorn barked at a squirrel in a tree. 

"Looks like we're all here, Richard!" Unikitty flew like a flash into the van, taking a seat in the middle, while her brother and Doctor Fox sat on either side of her. Hawkodile sat in the back as best he could, though it was clear the van only seated five.

"Ya sure we got a big enough van, Rich? I can follow behind in my truck, if ya wa-" Rex was interrupted by Unikitty, who leaned into his and Richard's part of the van.

"Nope! We need to stick together! That's how a road trip works!" 

"I'm sure Hawk would appreciate not bein'-"

"NOPE! It's like you've never been on a road trip before, RJ!"

"Well, unless the whole TAKOS Tuesday thing or the trip through the Systar System counts-"

"Which they don't." Unikitty interjected.

"We didn't do road trips in Bricksburg. We had everything we needed in the city. There was an amusement park and -!" 

"You didn't even go on any with your raptors?" Unikitty was floored.

"Not much room in the whole 'get revenge' timetable to sightsee… Well now that I think about it, the kid an' I did go back in time to Bricksburg together. That counts, right?" Rex shrugged.

"Yeah! That totally counts!" Puppycorn bounced in his seat, his eyes lighting up with recognition. Unikitty thought for a second and nodded in agreement. She will totally count that. 

"So you know! You and Little Bro didn't take two different time machines!" She leaned back into her seat, hushing Rex when he tried to argue. "Let's go, Rick!"

"Of course, Princess. We do have a tight schedule." The brick started the van and drove, Rex watching him with fascination by how a being with no hands could somehow drive.

The group were soon on the road. Rex was fully awake at this point and watched the world float past them from the window. The others started to discuss their excitement for this trip animatedly from the back, but the human tuned them out. He jumped a little when Richard spoke.

"How have you been doing, Rex?" The brick kept his eyes on the road as he talked.

"I've been holdin' up, Rich. Still can't get used to all this." The human adjusted the blue bandana that was tied around his neck.

"What can't you get used to?"

"A lot of things. Havin' friends that want me to be happy, people seein' me as a hero, the hustle and bustle of the kingdom in general… It's a lot." Rex leaned back in the seat as much as he could without adjusting it. 

"I hope you get better adjusted to that in time, especially having friends like us. We may not be the dinosaurs you normally talk to, but we care about you and, yes, we want you to be happy." Richard smiled, but kept his focus on driving. 

"Yes, RJ. You're one of us now." Unikitty whispered suddenly in the human's ear. "One of us." She slipped into the backseat and resumed her part of the backseat conversation without missing a beat.

"That was… disturbing." Rex shook his head and turned back to Richard. "So. Ya wanna tell me where we're goin'?"

"I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that I don't know where we're going. Princess Unikitty's directions are terrible and I'm pretty sure it would involve us driving several miles through the desert for some reason." Rex's left eye twitched when Richard mentioned the desert. "That was my thought, too. I'm not sure what she was thinking, given your past experiences. I have taken the liberty to avoid doing… that, but I still don't know where she wanted to go. I'll be stopping soon to see if we can figure that out."

"Thanks for that," was the only response the human gave as he settled back to watching the treeline come and go. The van soon stopped at a small gas station that felt friendly and only slightly disused, where Hawkodile got out to top off the van's gas tank. Rex turned to Puppycorn, poking his head from the front seat.

"Kid. Be honest. Do ya need to go? Don't know when we'll be stoppin' next." He spoke softly and patiently. 

"Uh… no. But I want some trip snacks!" The puppy wagged his tail.

"I'll get some snacks if you go anyway. We don't want Rich to have to stop again, right?" The puppy shook his head and headed for the station's restroom. "And that's how ya get that kid to listen to you." Rex got out as well and headed for the mini mart with his hands in his pockets. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his Brick-a-gram feed, occasionally liking photos that came from his friends from other planets’ accounts. He grabbed some snacks that were easy to clean if they spilled and some coffee and waited for the cashier to finish the transaction before him to put his chosen provisions on the counter along with some Apocalypseburgian currency. 

"Uh… dude? What is this?" The cashier held the beaten and battered  money up for the distracted time traveler to see.

"Money that is probably worthless here. Hang on…" He pulled out his wallet and pulled out bills from Bricksburg, Syspocalypstar, and even some older Systar System coins before finding shiny gold coins with Unikitty’s head on them. "I… collect coins. Here. Some good old Unikingdom Lolly."

"You bring your collection with you?" The cashier lifted an eyebrow incredulously as he took the Lolly coins and slid the change across the counter.

"Ya never know when you'll meet another… coin collector." He put the currency, including the change, back in his wallet and took his purchases. "See ya." He headed out the door and was quickly joined by Puppycorn. 

"Didja get the snacks?" The puppy jumped around the human, excited for the prospect of snacks.

"Didja wash your paws?" After Rex asked this, the puppy ran back to the bathroom and returned with wet paws. "Close enough for me. Here." He handed the puppy a bag of gummy bears and headed for the van. Hawkodile had finished his task as Rex got there. "Hey, Hawk. Ya want some coffee?" 

"Nah. I'm good, bro." The hawk crocodile looked over to Rex and saw his phone lock screen was set to a photo of himself and Emmet goofing around. He chose not to say anything about that, instead focusing on the snacks he was holding. "Ya need to stop eating so much sugar."

"Can't help it. Always had a sweet tooth." He dug through a bag of candied pecans and threw one in his mouth.

"Yeah, but you've already had two cups of coffee with thirteen sugars each. That's a lot of sugar and it's only 10." The two took a walk around the station as they spoke, waiting for Unikitty and Richard to finish talking.

"It used to be a lot worse, bro." He pocketed the bag and walked in step with the chimera. "It's the least of my issues right now." The man whispered a small thank you to the brats upstairs when Doctor Fox waved them back to the van. Puppycorn was already inside, head poking out of the open window. He and Hawkodile got to the van, where they could now see that Richard was fretting over a map over the steering wheel while Unikitty sat in the front passenger side seat, sticking her tongue out as Rex as he approached that side. "Hey, Rich." He spoke as he and Hawkodile tried to fit themselves into the backseat with Puppycorn and, eventually, Doctor Fox. "Ya finally get the whole destination thing figured out?"

"I'm just gonna give Richard directions until we get to the next stop." Unikitty seemed way too happy to basically say she wasn't telling anyone anything. "It's a secret."

"Princess, what if this trip takes longer than a day? We shouldn't be gone for so-" Richard was quickly hushed by his princess.

"It'll be fine! We won't be gone for long enough for the people to notice!"

"I'm supposed to be going to Syspocalypstar in a few days to see Em-" Like Richard before him, Rex was shushed by Unikitty.

"You'll get home in time to see him! And, if not, he'll understand!" 

"Sad thing is she ain't wrong. But I'm just gonna text him an' tell him…" Rex rolled his eyes at his phone, seeing that he had no signal. "Later." He put his phone away. He tried to relax, but it was too cramped for him to lean back. The rest of the van fell back into casual conversation, Rex choosing to try to get some sleep to the drone of the van's engine. He was quickly nudged awake by Puppycorn, who slurped some unknown liquid he had clearly gotten at the gas station.

"Can you take me with you on your trip to see your bro? I wanna fly in your super rad spaceship again." He growled a little as he chewed on a particularly stubborn gummy bear.

"Pretty sure the Rexcelsior is on the no fly list, so I'm takin' somethin' a lot smaller. I can try to take ya, but it's gonna be cramped."

"Kinda like this?"

"Actually, know what? The ship'll be less cramped." Rex laughed as Hawkodile adjusted to a more comfortable position. "Em’ll be happy to have ya. Not sure about his girlfriend, but I don't care what she thinks." He didn't sound as sincere with the last part of the sentence, accented by a brief glance downward. Puppycorn didn't catch this, though. 

"Can we go to that pizza place again?" The puppy asked, holding on to his energy levels.

"Not sure it even exists now. I'd ask Em, but I have no signal on my satellite phone." He shot a brief glare at Unikitty's headrest. "So gonna say maybe, but don't get your hopes up." The pup nodded and the conversation soon moved on to skateboarding tips. Unikitty listened and smiled, glad her friend was able to slip into being part of the group so easily. 

"I think he's finally really happy now. Don't you think, Rick?" Unikitty's voice made Richard jump a little.

"RJ does seem to be less dour and I do think he's better adjusted to us. I don't doubt this is because of what we've been through with him. I can't speak for him, but it looks like he has a new purpose. That may be just what he needed." Richard smiled a little himself. "I know I'm glad he's doing better."

"Oo! We're at the first real stop of our trip! Pull in here, Rick!" Richard lifted an eyebrow at a small diner with a large fiberglass taco just next to it. A neon sign on the roof declared the place to be "Taco Joe's Diner", with a gaudy metal sign below it saying it was home of the world's largest fiberglass taco. The friends in the back of the van stopped their conversations and looked out the window.

"Well, it is past lunchtime…" Richard parked the van with perfect precision. When they stopped, the passengers in the back piled out, the lone human stretching a little as his boots hit the dusty ground. 

"Dibs on shotgun." He declared as he looked at the large taco. "Ya know, I really should demand old Business gives out the tacos he owes the people of Bricksburg." He walked a short circuit around the van and fished his instant camera from his duffel bag before joining the group again. “If he hasn’t already. Em claimed he gave control of the Realms to the Assembly of Master Builders and Queen Wa’nabi, but it’s the least he can do now.” He looked up and saw that the others were already starting to head inside. He rushed after.

As they entered the diner, it was clear how underwhelmed Unikitty was. It looked like it fell out of the 1950's, but took a few stray hits of grime and rust on the way down. The place was nearly empty, with a hot sauce bottle waitress serving a surly looking figure some piping hot coffee at a counter that cut the place in a rough half. There were no tables with chairs, just booths that could seat maybe half of their party each without being super uncomfortable situated along the knick knack covered walls. The others didn't seem to mind this nearly as much as the princess did or if they did, it wasn't as transparently written on their faces. The waitress eyed the group with her dot eyes and gave them a wave. 

"Welcome to Taco Joe's! Have a seat. I'll be with y'all in just a tick!" She spoke in a cheery voice that felt welcoming and warm. The group piled into two booths, with Richard, Rex and Puppycorn in one and the others in the one directly next to them. 

"Welcome to the cool kids' table, Rich." Rex sat alone in the booth and close to the large window, with Puppycorn sitting directly across from him. "Glad ya made it. I was worried someone else was gonna take your seat." The human added this last part with a small grin. 

"You wanted me to sit with you? I'm shocked you didn't want Hawkodile." Richard's usual monotone held a hint of happiness at the idea of being wanted.

"I think he an' Doc need some alone time. Besides, I like your company." Rex looked out the window at the small town that surrounded them. The town was sleepy despite the clear tourist trap they were built around. It was strange how quiet it was, but he brushed that off in his mind. "I gotta take a pic of us before we leave." He mostly said this to himself, but it was loud enough for the rest of the table to hear. The waitress came over with a pad and a pencil, as well as some paper menus. She passed them out to the group and gave a bright, only slightly customer service smile.

"What can I getcha'll to drink?" The group, with the exception of Rex and Richard, gave their drink orders almost simultaneously. The poor girl was able to keep up, to her credit. Richard ordered a plain glass of water once she finished writing the other orders. "How 'boutchu, handsome?" She turned to Rex, giving him a wink.

"Coffee. I'll have it black since you're sweet enough," he stated while returning the wink. She turned a brighter red and rushed to get their drinks. He grabbed a pink packet from a small tray in front of a small jukebox that looked like it hadn't worked in centuries and played with it. Richard, hiding a slight frown, stopped Puppycorn from mimicking the action with a packet of ketchup.  "You guys do this every year, huh?" Richard shook his head as Puppycorn looked up at the brick with confusion.

"This is… our second year doing this after the Princess landed in the new Kingdom.” He floated close to Rex’s ear as he said this information. “We did this every year when she was younger, but that… She wants to bring that tradition back.” He moved back out of Rex’s personal space and spoke normally. “We may need to make new arrangements next time to make sure you can fit into the equation. I don't think Princess Unikitty counted for six people if I'm being honest. You've been with us for a while now, however, so I'm a little less sure what she was thinking."

"Does anyone really know what the Princess is thinking?" Rex shrugged. "She does what she wants. I get that. Seen it firsthand. Watched it help sink an entire submarine."

"I assume you're referring to the TAKOS Tuesday incident?"

"One small part of it, but yes."

"I sometimes forget you were someone different a long time ago," Richard admitted. "I can't see you as anyone else but who I've seen you become."

"That's why I like ya, Rich." The human smiled not noticing as a coffee cup with a cartoon taco and the words “taco me after my morning coffee” imprinted on it was placed in front of him and the bitter liquid was poured in the cup. "Ya don't make me feel like I need to be someone else I just don't have the capacity to be anymore."

"Princess Unikitty doesn't feel that way anymore, either. She's just happy you're happy."

"Well, then! What'll it be?" The waitress's voice cut into the conversation like a bubbly thousand degree knife.

"We'll get the party tray! That should be enough for everyone, right?" Unikitty spoke before anyone else could and the waitress ran off before anyone could object. Rex rolled his eyes and took a gulp from his coffee mug. 

"There is a chance we will need to get a hotel for the evening. Are you alright with sharing a room with someone, RJ?" Richard asked, a pen in one of the grooves on his head. "I know you have issues when you sleep."

"If I have to. Ya mind if the person is you? Hawk can be with Princess and PC to do his bodyguard thing and Doc can have her own room." 

"That's a sound strategy, RJ. I wouldn't mind spending more time with you if you don't." The brick smiled as he made notes on a napkin. "Would you be willing to look up hotels on your phone within a few hours' drive from here in all directions?" The human nodded and got to work, quickly shooting Emmet a text to tell him he was dragged on vacation and may have to postpone his visit.

"I'm starting to think this was all a ploy to get me and you alone or somethin'." Rex teased as he scrolled. He glanced over to Unikitty. "I could see her doin' that."

"Oh, I don't know about that." Richard didn't show any outward sign of how he really felt. He simply chose to drink his water quietly. 

The food came quickly and uneventfully enough and the gang soon left the diner. "Hey, guys. Get in front of the taco. I need a picture." Hawkodile went to grab Rex's camera, but he shook his head. "You too. I put a timer on this bad boy." He perched the camera on the hood of the van and pointed it towards the taco and the gathered friends. "We got one minute. Get ready." The friends gathered together and after a while, the camera spat a photo out of the thin slot at the bottom. Rex grabbed the photo and pocketed it. "Never shake a photo from an instant camera." He said to Puppycorn as he passed him, jumping into the front passenger seat before Unikitty could say anything.

"Hey! He took shotgun again!" Unikitty whined as she floated in the backseat with her brother. 

"He had dibs, Big Sis." Puppycorn pointed out. 

"Yeah. I had dibs." Rex didn't turn to the princess, but he was smirking smugly.

"Besides, RJ will be navigating us to a hotel when the time comes to rest." Richard stated flatly. "You can still tell me where to go, but did you plan for time to sleep on this trip?"

"Uh…" The cat floated down to the seat gently and frowned. "Go left, OK?" Richard nodded and pulled out of the diner and through the quiet town. It was a town that very much had seen better days and was only inhabited by a few people who looked like they were always living here and always will. Rex closed his eyes, but was woken up by Unikitty shouting for Richard to stop the van. He looked out the front window to see a sign for something called Tourmaline Falls. "Follow that sign! We have to go!"

 The brick said nothing and just followed the sign's direction out of town a short distance. He parked in a dirt lot that was crowned by a large gateway that looked like it was made out of the stone the falls were named after. The group could already hear the sound of falling water as they got out of the van and approached the gateway. A being that looked like it was made out of coal handed Unikitty a pamphlet that talked about the falls and requested a donation to keep the area clean and untouched. She threw the being a few coins and followed her friends to the origin of the noise.

The falls were the centerpiece of a large, dark cave. Natural light poured from the top of the cave and only over the falls, lighting blue and green stones that were roughly polished by the heavy flow of water. The falls were roped off to prevent people from dropping into the hole the water flowed into, but that didn't matter. A cool breeze came from the falls themselves, which felt great after being in an over occupied van for even a short period of time. Rex got as close as the barricade would permit and just watched the falls for a bit. Doctor Fox began to collect rock and water samples for later. Richard floated next to the human and took out a camera of his own, this one a small disposable one. He took a picture of Rex by the falls that seemed to be more of Rex than the falls. The human stepped back and took a picture of the falls of his own, his expression soft and enamored.

"I don't think I've seen anything more amazing." He put the photo in his pocket. Richard said nothing, but looked down at his camera.

"We may have to come back later to get more samples!" Doctor Fox called from somewhere in the darker parts of the cave. Unikitty yawned, already bored. 

"Can we go? This is really boring." She moaned. 

"Wasn't this your idea, Unikitty?" Hawkodile said pointedly. 

"I know, but I wanna go now."

"Wait for RJ. I think the guy's havin' a moment over there." Hawkodile jabbed his thumb over to Rex, who was still close to the falls. The human turned to the others after a moment of almost total silence and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. He headed to the others, followed by Richard and Doctor Fox. "Looks like he's good now. Let's go." The six friends left, but not before Rex got another picture of the group at the gateway. He and Unikitty raced to the van, the man losing to the cat for the front seat by a hair. Unikitty stuck her tongue out at Rex as he climbed in the back. Richard's eyes flashed a slight disappointment as he got into the driver's seat. 

"Is there any other place you want to see before we find a town and a place to stay?" Richard asked Unikitty. 

"We're good. Carry on." Unikitty grinned. 

"RJ. Where is the next town?" Richard looked ahead as he spoke, unable to look at the man now without having to fight the urge to blush deeply. 

"It's about 15 miles from here. Just off the main road." He looked at a map on his phone. "It's a place called Chantilly. It's apparently the home of a purple cow named 'Chanty', if we're in a sightseein' mood when we get there." He checked his messages and chuckled. "Emmet says hi, Princess." 

"Ooh! Tell him I say hi! And hi to Wyldstyle too!" Unikitty's eyes lit up at the mention of her distant friend. Rex nodded and texted that before putting his phone away.

 Richard started to drive away from the falls, letting the others talk among themselves for the rest of the trip to the town that, when he pulled into the main street, he had to admit was an attraction in itself. The town looked like it was made of whipped cream and candy. He wasn't sure if Rex chose this place because it was close or because of how strange it all was. He drove until he found a hotel, a grand looking villa with a sign over the door that softly and proudly proclaimed it was the Chantilly Grand Hotel. He pulled the van into the cream colored parking lot.

"Once we get our rooms, we have the rest of the day to do what you want to do. Just stay in town." Richard got out of the van. Rex and Hawkodile helped unload the group's luggage as Richard paid for their rooms and handed out the room keys. The rooms were assigned as Rex had suggested, which disappointed Puppycorn. This disappointment went away quickly enough when he saw a sign for a pool.

The group put their bags in their rooms and headed their separate ways. Rex and Richard settled in their room for the time being. The room was as cream colored as the town around them, gold accenting the walls, curtains, and furniture. There were two beds, covered in light colored fabrics made of airy material. Richard floated just above one of the beds, one close to the front door. The human dug through his back for swimming trunks and walked into the bathroom to change. He soon came back and Richard couldn't help but notice the scars and other signs of damage on his body. Some he recognized from the fight for the Unikingdom's freedom, namely two long ones on either side of his lower torso. Those scars seemed older than they actually were and could have been from when he was an angrier man. Richard knew better. His large eyes shot downward.

"Does it still hurt?" The question made Rex stop in his tracks. Rex paused for a moment before answering.

"Yeah, sometimes. I think the sword was cursed, but I ain’t bringin’ it to the Assembly to find out." Rex leaned against the doorframe, turning to face Richard. "Not much ya can do." 

"No…" Richard frowned softly. He wanted to do something for the man, though. Maybe hold him in his non-existent arms? Would that be too bold? Of course it would. He had so much he would need to do to get close to being able to do that. "However, if there is anything I can do to help, I want to help."

"Now that you mention it, maybe we can go get some drinks after I come back? It helps to get my mind off it." Rex grabbed a large towel from the bathroom and waited for an answer.

"I would be happy to join you." Richard watched Rex leave and took a breath to assess the situation. He hadn't felt like this since his unrequited lover that he still had yet to speak to. Did he fall for the man's charm further somehow? Seeing his dark eyes light up when they were at the falls made his feelings for Rex more real. He had to remain rational about this. They were just two friends going to a hotel bar for some drinks. There was no need to rush into things. For all he knew, it was the beauty of the falls that made him feel this way. Right? No. It wasn’t and he knew it. He had to remember that he told the guy about his feelings for him the night he regretted more than anything else.

By the time Rex had returned from the pool, Richard had started reading a book about alternative uses for paperclips, but was wearing a little blue bowtie. Wordlessly, Rex went to get changed. Richard looked up when the bathroom door closed, noticing that the clothes Rex had been wearing when they got to the hotel were left on the bed. Was he getting into something nicer, too? He didn't have too long to wait, but he decided that the way Rex dressed would set the tone for the evening. Usually, just having a drink with a friend would be less formal and not a reason to look nice. Right? He really didn't do even that often, since he blended in with the wallpaper so often and didn't have friends outside the castle. Yes, Rex counted as one of those despite living outside the castle himself but he was also an outsider who was far more grounded than the rest of the gang.

The man did soon emerge and Richard looked more confused than anything. He was wearing a new vest, but this one was made of leather. His shirt was a tank top with a faded emblem that the brick would barely see. He jumped when his friend spoke.

"Come on, Rich. I could really use a drink right now." The two headed for the bar, which was called the Creme Club by a fancy looking wooden sign over the door. The area was small and intimate, the color scheme carried over from the rooms. There was a stage opposite the bar that was empty at the present, but a sign on the slick wooden bar hinted that there was live music nightly. The wooden tables were simple and elegant and the chairs matched. Richard let Rex set the pace still, trying to find meaning in the one on one meetup. Rex chose a table in a far corner that could only possibly seat two. Was he trying not to be seen by the others? Richard's heart fell, but he decided to keep his hopes up. An overly angled waitress came over and Richard ordered ice water. Rex shook his head and asked for something far harder: a bourbon neat. The waitress left and Rex looked down, holding his side.

"Are you sure you don't need medical attention?" Richard frowned, one stray sweat drop shaped sparkle matter popping up over his head. 

"I'm fine." Rex said through closed teeth. He took a few deep breaths that only seemed to vaguely help. "Or I will be soon enough." The waitress came back with their drinks and the man waited for her to leave before having a drink. He looked around and when he didn't see what he was looking for, spoke again. "I don't get a lotta time to talk to ya like this… Were ya always the castle caretaker and Princess's advisor?" So he was looking for one of the others to show up, Richard assumed. Interesting. “Like, I mean in the old days. Before the… what didja call it? The Fall?”

"Well, no. I'm honestly lucky to have that job, given my past. I was hired as the Princess’ advisor since she was born, but…" Richard decided to be open with the guy. After all, this was the man who ended the world and who saved him from himself. If anyone was going to not judge him about a seedy past, it was him. "I've been to prison before."

"Now that is unexpected." Rex rested his head on his curled hand, eyes urging Richard to continue with captivated interest.

"I mostly was the one to manage the money for my crew, but I did occasionally do field work if I needed some extra cash. Making evidence disappear is a lot easier than you think. It just takes a single paperclip and some ingenuity." The brick found Rex's interest oddly exciting. It was rare someone took this much of an interest in him. "Anyway… I made some miscalculations and ended up getting caught. I had to break out of prison and fled from my home in Frowntown to the Unikingdom. I must have seemed qualified to Queen Butterlope and King Enoue, since they gave me the job on the spot. To this day, I don’t understand why they didn’t run a background check."

"Who know ya were hidin' that kinda backstory? I just thought you were trying to be intimidating when you hinted at a dark past that night." The man was clearly still interested and not running from the situation. That was good, right?

"Most people don't really ask. I'm grateful for that, because I still have to keep the Old Unikingdom a secret." Richard had just a hint of emotion behind the monotone. 

"That's a shame. I mean, it's useful that our pasts are easy to cover up around here, but it's better to have someone to talk it all out with. Not sure if this'll bring up some things best forgotten, but do you feel any regrets about it all?"

"Well… I suppose not. I had to make a living somehow and it was the best option I had at the time." Rex was asking questions? This wasn't something Richard was used to at all.

"Hey, we gotta do what we can to survive, right?" Rex was predictably non-judgemental about the whole thing. It was refreshing. "Nothin' wrong with that. Besides, look atcha now: Ya live in a castle an' probably make better money in the long run."

"I also don’t believe my old crew exists. I looked it up once, but I didn’t see anything. It makes it a lot harder to fall into old habits. Though I will admit that getting that confession tape brought back some of the thrills I got doing field work." Richard barely noticed that Rex ordered another round of whatever he was drinking, as well as a glass for him. 

"Ya could always leave Princess to clean up her own messes for a while an' go on an adventure or two with me. Travelling around time is pretty thrilling and doesn't end in prisontime." Well, with some potential exceptions, he'd assume.

"I don't know. I feel like the kingdom would fall apart without me. It is… kind… of you to offer." Richard could feel his cheeks go flush.

"It's not an offer I make to everyone, Rich. I just make it for the people I really like. Doc hasn't even gotten that invite and she's a scientist who should see my ship in action." He only let the people he liked a lot time travel with him? So, that probably meant that, up to this point, only Puppycorn was given that chance. But why Richard? "Besides, I think ya need ta get away from the castle more often." The drinks were delivered and the man shrugged. "I know I wouldn't be able to stand the Princess's energy for more than a few hours most days."

"I have a duty to the Unikingdom, RJ. I'm sure you understand better than most that I was given a second chance and I owe the kingdom my diligence."

"Rich, you won't be throwing anything away gettin' out for a little bit. My ship's a time machine. I can have you home before Princess can activate a single glitter bomb. You always say I'm one of you and… I rarely heard that when I was growing up. Or even when I was the Special. I need to return that favor somehow." There was something in the man's eyes that made Richard's heart beat faster. 

"Maybe someday, RJ." Why couldn't he commit to letting this man whisk him off his feet? It wasn't like he didn't want to. The man nodded in response. 

"Offer's there if ya want it." Rex took a sip of the amber liquid in his glass and glanced at the door. "Think it's too late to keep the night goin' a little longer?"

"Why would you want to do that? Most people wouldn't want to spend this much time with me."

"That's a problem, I think. You're more interesting than you lead on and I'm kicking myself because I haven't spent enough time with you to see that." Rex kept his eye on the door, but suspected that a place like the Creme Club would be too adult for the prince and princess to wander into. 

"We have all the time you want to spend, RJ." Richard let some flattery bubble to the surface of his monotone. "It's just so uncommon that I feel this seen. I usually feel invisible."

"That's just wrong. I know what it's like to blend in like that. I wouldn't wish that loneliness on my worst enemy." His voice was unstable now, slipping out of the verbal mask. "I won't do that to you."

"RJ… I know you won't. You haven't yet." Richard smiled softly, his half closed eyes almost sparking. "I'm amazed by how passionate you are about this, but you do appear to be a man of passion." Richard's cheeks turned just a little pinker. 

"Yeah. I think I always was, but not givin' a crap makes it easier to drag that out of me." He waved down the waitress and asked for two menus. She shuffled away and Rex turned back to Richard. "Ya seem flush. Ya feelin' alright?"

"Yes. I'm fine." Richard glanced at the menu once it was offered to him and it was clear this hotel restaurant was very upscale. "Maybe we should find another place to have dinner? The least expensive thing is a lot more than I budgeted for dinner on this trip." Rex scratched his head.

"My bank account's still frozen because of the whole Armommageddeon thing. You're probably right." He asked the waitress for his drink tab and paid for that. He pulled out his phone and looked for a cheaper place within walking distance while he finished his drink.

"I can ask for your account to be unfrozen after this trip. I may need to temporarily take control of it, but that would only be so the Systarian government can finish any investigations they have pending." Richard offered. "How do you have money right now?"

"I had some older coins converted to Unikingdom Lolly after things calmed down." Rex's lips curled up a little and he pocketed his phone. "There's a diner about two blocks from here that's apparently got some good milkshakes. The whole town was built around it. Let's see what all the hype is about." He got out of his chair and left the bar from an entrance that led out into the main street. Richard followed along, bobbing next to his companion as best as he could.

The two made small talk until they reached a building that looked like a normal restaurant, a stark contrast from the cream themed world around them. A sign happily let everyone know that the diner was called O'Hare's. They walked in and were greeted by a large rabbit they had to assume was old O'Hare himself. The whole place looked like it was trapped in a bubble in time, with all of the 80's style fixtures looking brand new. It was clear the large gray rabbit was proud of his establishment. The two travelers slid into a booth and sat across from each other. A second, younger rabbit handed them menus and let them be. After some silence, Rex spoke. 

"I never realized how alike we are." His voice was softer than normal, barely recognizable. 

"It is interesting how you and I found ourselves on similar paths that led us to the Unikingdom and to our eventual friendship." Richard liked the half step his companion's voice had taken. It sounded right, somehow. 

The two eventually placed their orders and went back to small talk about the trip so far. The conversation remained light as the time passed, but it was clear to anyone watching that they were connecting. And someone was watching: a very excited and slightly confused Unikitty who had floated in as the two were talking. She was joined by Hawkodile and Puppycorn, but the two were too occupied with their own conversation to notice that the princess was focused on other things.

"Are they…?" The cat tried to sneak closer to her advisor and friend, but Hawkodile stopped her with a sunglasses obscured look. She watched the two talk, but didn't see or hear anything that made her feel like she was right in her unspoken suspicions. She sank back into her seat, occasionally going back to watching the two until they eventually finished dinner and left for the hotel. "Why would he want to spend time with boring old Richard?" 

"They looked like they were enjoying themselves, Princess." Hawkodile stated as he looked around the room for signs of danger.

"That's even weirder. Richard is so boring." Unikitty stuck out her tongue. "Why would RJ like talking to him?"

"They must've found something in common. It's how you make friends, after all." Hawkodile shrugged. 

The twilight gave the cream colored town an eerie look. Rex stood on the balcony while Richard sat at the room's obligatory desk with a pencil and paper. He stared at the paper for a long time, occasionally glancing at the man on the balcony. The slight movement of the ends of Rex's headband and his dark hair indicated a slight breeze. His back was turned to the glass door and he leaned over the railing, just watching the sun set. Richard turned back to the paper and looked for the words. Pen finally hit paper after another round of watching the man on the balcony. When Rex turned to go inside, Richard grabbed an envelope from the desk and shoved the paper into it. Rex didn't say anything to Richard as he flopped on his bed and turned on the TV. 

"Let me know when ya wanna sleep, Rich." He flipped through the channels until he found an action movie. 

"You should sleep as well, Rex. I know it's hard for you, but we do have to keep up with the princess until we get back to the Unikingdom." Richard sounded concerned, which overrode the monotone in his voice. 

"I'll try. If I start sleepwalkin' and ya catch me, try to keep me away from the balcony." His eyes were still on the movie. Richard bobbed in agreement and floated off to get into his pajamas, which consisted of a light yellow nightcap and an actual, very tiny, full set of matching pajamas. Rex lifted an eyebrow at this, but went back to the movie. Somehow, that just made sense. Richard tried to stay up with Rex for the rest of the movie, but fell asleep during the climax. Rex turned the TV off and tried to sleep as well, but sleep didn't come until hours later. The sleep that did come was fitful and barely got deep. 

Rex woke the next morning with Richard gone and both of their bags gone. On the desk was a change of clothes for him, some breakfast and coffee, and an envelope. He got out of bed and walked to the desk, opening the envelope and reading the note within:

RJ

Take your time getting ready to leave. The princess wanted to see that purple cow you had mentioned yesterday, so I left with the others to see that. I've already packed the van, so we will be ready to leave when you are. You didn't sleepwalk last night, but I do worry you didn't sleep. well, either. If you need more sleep, I'll try to find a place to stop for the others so you can do that.

Richard.

That letter felt so formal. Rex did have to admit it was nice that Richard left it, though. He couldn't deny that there was a fear that they just left him in this unknown town. He did as the note suggested and took his time getting ready to go out the door. By the time the rest of the group returned to the hotel, he was sitting on the hood of the van, waiting for them.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" Unikitty sang out.

"You missed the super rad looking cow." Puppycorn added, opening the van's back door. He stopped when he noticed that the van had an extra row of seats. He shrugged this off and jumped in the middle row. 

"Is this our van?" Hawkodile looked around the parking lot skeptically.

"I Master Built a second row of backseats. We had just enough room for one." Rex slid off of the hood and saw that Unikitty beat him to the front seat. He sat next to Puppycorn, which made Doctor Fox and Hawkodile pile in the back row. "Should be less cramped back there now."

"That was a really bro move. Thanks." Hawkodile grinned, turning slightly red with his close proximity to Doctor Fox.

"Yes, thank you Rex. That resolves a problem we would have had with this van going forward." Richard flashed a smile to the Master Breaker as he got in the driver's seat. 

"I owed ya for breakfast anyway." Rex winked back as he sat back in the newly built seat. 

"Let's go! We're getting close to our next destination already!" Unikitty was slightly more chipper than usual this morning. The van was soon on the road again, the less miserable members of the back rows playing car games while Unikitty navigated and Richard drove. It felt like hours before Richard pulled over on the side of the road and got out of the car. 

"Hawkodile, can you please take over driving? I need a break before I start to be more susceptible to road rage." 

"Got it." The two swapped seats and were back on the road quickly. Through all of this, Rex was asleep. The sound of the door closing woke the man up, who yawned as he looked around him. 

"Hmm. Hey, Rich. Who's drivin'?" He looked at the driver's seat and saw Hawkodile, who was trying to get information from Unikitty and failing at it. "Ya could have told me ya needed a break."

"I'm glad he didn't. You've been asleep for the past half hour, bro. You could have gotten us killed if you're that tired." Hawkodile shouted, keeping the frustrated tone he was giving Unikitty unintentionally. 

"I'm fine. I drive like this all the time."

"Probably because you drink enough caffeine to power Frowntown. I've got this. Go back to sleep." Hawkodile went back to focusing on the road and getting directions from Unikitty. 

"Pull over an' I'll show ya what I can do like this." Rex growled. Thankfully, the threat was ignored and the trip continued. 

When the man was fully aware of his surroundings next, the van stopped again. This time, it was in front of a rest stop with a small, nondescript restaurant called the Snack and Make Tracks. The rest of the group was gone. Rex rolled his eyes and got out of the van, heading to the restaurant. As he walked in, the rest of the group walked out of the stop's minimart. They piled in the car, Hawkodile getting in the driver's seat again. 

"We ready to go? Is everyone here?" Hawkodile did not look behind him. 

"Uh… RJ is mi-" Puppycorn was interrupted by Unikitty. 

"He's just asleep like we left him, Little Bro! Let's get going! To the next stop!" The royal cat sang happily. Like Hawkodile, she didn't look back.

"Princess, I wouldn't leave just yet. If you look behind you, you'll see that RJ-" Richard tried to add to the conversation, but the van was already peeling out of the parking lot. The group drove until Unikitty saw a sign for the world's largest ball of yarn. They pulled over and piled out of the van, the backseat passengers looking at each other with worry. 

"Is Rexy just gonna sleep all day?" Unikitty climbed in the back to wake her friend and frowned. "Oh. He's… uh… not here." 

"That's what I was trying to say, Big Sis." Puppycorn looked down. Unikitty looked at her phone and saw she had a message from their missing friend.

"Oh. That's… colorful." Unikitty rubbed her head. "Just two words, but you can tell how angry he is." 

"You just said he was sleeping." Hawkodile folded his arms while Unikitty texted him back to ask where he was. "I'll go pick him up when you tell me where he is." 

"He's just texting those two words. I think he's mad." Unikitty turned blue, tears welling up in her eyes.

"We left a man with abandonment issues behind at a truck stop. I'd say that reaction makes sense." Doctor Fox frowned, guilty she didn't speak up.

Richard grabbed Unikitty's phone and composed a text:

RJ. Stay at the truck stop. I'll come get you. Please stay calm. Richard. 

He waited for a reply, which came quickly. "RJ claims he started to hitchhike home. I'll tell him to go back to the truck stop and meet me there. Please stay where you are."

"But that was a half hour away! You want us to stay here for an hour‽" Unikitty moaned. 

"Yes. I don't want us to split up any further." Richard got into the van and drove off.

"Besides, Princess, I think this'll be a real treat compared to having to drive with RJ after this." Hawkodile shook his head. "Come on, guys."

Rex had arrived just before the van did and Richard could see something he could only describe as off in Rex's eyes. The normally laid back man held himself with a terrifying aura, one he suspected few people had seen first hand. Richard swallowed as he approached.

"RJ? I'm sorry for the mixup." He floated closer, not wanting to look into the storm behind Rex's dark eyes. "Puppycorn and I tried to let the princess know, but she didn't want to listen."

"You need to be more assertive, Rich." The anger edged his voice, but was held back by a strange calmness. "Let's go. Now." He got into the passenger seat and waited for Richard to leave. Richard tried to make small talk at first, but Rex said nothing the whole ride to the tourist trap. They ended up driving in total, heavy silence.

As they were turning into the parking lot, Richard spoke. "RJ, please remember that we care. We came back for you."

"No. You came back." When they parked, Rex got out of the van and marched over to Unikitty, who was coming out of the attraction. "What were you thinking?" He growled, which put Hawkodile on edge. "You drag me on this trip, don't wake me when you stop for food, then just leave me without checking to see if I was in the back seat?"  He hissed the last part of the sentence. 

"I thought you were asleep." Unikitty was still blue, her ears going back.

"You know I sleep talk. You know what I sound like when I do that. Isn't it odd that you didn't hear anything like that for a half hour?" He wasn't raising his voice, but the sparkle matter flying from his head was stormy and vibrantly potent. This scared the royal cat even more. 

"RJ, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't think-!"

"No. You didn't." He turned around to go back to the van. "I'm going back to the van to get my unbridled rage in check. Make sure I'm actually in the van when you get back." He settled back into the front seat. 

"I'll stay with him. Please give us a little time."

"Hurry. There's only so many times I can see a ball of yarn." Hawkodile shook his head as Richard left. The brick climbed in the driver's seat and turned to Rex.

"RJ. We don't have to talk, but I'll listen if you need to let your anger out." Richard's tone was soothing and patient.

"Me too!" Puppycorn was suddenly in the backseat, leaning into the front. 

"I can provide a shoulder to cry on: mine or one I can make out of spare parts." Doctor Fox said, also from the back seat.

"Look, I'm glad ya wanna make me feel better…" If there was a 'but' in that sentence, it died in the silence. "I know ya ain't gonna leave me alone, so I may as well talk. Princess is just so impulsive. What if she didn't ask you guys to stop here? I would have been hitchhikin' for a whole day back to Action Forest with no food, no clothes, and no usable money. Also, you all need to be more assertive. You saw I wasn't back there. Don't let her interrupt you like I'm sure she probably did. Cut her off. Tell her she's wrong. One day, letting her step all over ya is gonna lead to something terrible and… unfixable." His angry aura seemed to give way to a deep sadness.

"This is different, RJ. We didn't forget you for long." Richard kept a soothing tone.

"Actually, the three of us didn't forget you at all." Doctor Fox added. "You're our friend. A Unikingdom citizen doesn't forget a friend. We may leave them in a truck stop for a bit, but that's not permanent."

"Don't be sad! I can give you some of my snacks!" Puppycorn passed Rex an almost fully eaten bag of popcorn. The man turned around to give the pup a pat on the head and his popcorn bag back.

"We still have what I assume is a long trip ahead of us. Please, have patience. I did warn you that our vacations get chaotic. If all that happens in the end is leaving you at a rest stop, then it's the calmest vacation we've had in a long time." Richard's voice was helping more than anyone would have suspected. Rex took a deep breath and shook his head. 

"I'm so tired of her crap." Rex rolled the window down and leaned out of it. As he finished the sentence, Unikitty and Hawkodile returned to the van and piled in the back. 

"RJ, I should have checked myself. That wasn't cool and I'm sorry." Hawkodile rubbed his neck. That just earned a cold shrug. 

"Yeah. I'm sorry, too." Unikitty couldn't look at the man directly. Rex turned to look at the two of them.

"The awkward glance downward makes that apology sincere enough for me, Princess." He sounded cold still, but at least wasn't hissing at her. The friends moved on to the next destination in relative silence, none daring to speak save for Unikitty relaying directions to Richard. 

When they finally stopped, it was to a small pie stand out in the middle of nowhere. Richard nudged Rex with invisible hands to get his attention after getting everyone's pie preferences.

"I'm going to need some help, if you don't mind providing it." The man simply shrugged and hopped out of the van. 

Unikitty took advantage of this and flew into the passenger seat while it was unoccupied. She watched the two walk to the stand and she leaned on the dashboard. She could have sworn she heard Rex laugh as the two waited in line. This change in mood was confirmed by his sparkle matter, which had the occasional lightning bolt mixed in with cartoony raptors and planets. It took them a while to come back with the pies, mostly because they were deeply into their conversation, which Unikitty only really caught little pieces of that didn't provide context. Question mark sparkle matter flew from her horn as Rex opened the driver's side door and got in.

"Are you awake enough to drive, Brickowski?" Hawkodile asked as Rex settled into the driver's seat.

"Yeah. Rich needed a rest." The brick bobbed in agreement as he got in the back as Rex spoke. "And you already had a turn as a relief driver." There was a slight bitterness in his tone. 

"RJ promised me that he would pull over if he felt like drifting off. Princess, please be as clear with Rex as possible with directions. He's not as familiar with the roads you keep taking us on." Richard buckled his seatbelt and relaxed with his slice of pie. "Leave when you're ready, Rex."

"We probably should look for a place to stay soon. Unless we're actually close?" Unikitty shook her head. "Of course we're not. Ya got a map, or are we just navigatin' by sun position?" She nodded and pulled out her map, which she only showed off briefly before pulling it close to her. 

"Okay, RJ. We're taking this highway down… three blocks until you see a fork in the road. You'd be going left." She struggled for a moment to read the map. 

"If you look at the bottom of the map, it will tell you what distance in miles is equal to one square on the map. What does that say?" Rex spoke in a very patient tone of voice. 

"One square is a mile. So… three miles?" The man gave a short nod and began to travel using the directions provided. 

The two only communicated like this for a while, Unikitty getting a little jealous that the others had started talking about other things. She decided to speak up when she claimed they were close to their next destination. 

"You're spending a lot of time with Rick this whole trip."

"He didn't leave me at a truck stop, Princess." Rex said flatly, keeping a rigid eye on the road.

"Yeah… but you hung out with him before the whole truck stop thing, too."

"We happened to be in the same hotel room, Princess. I can room with someone else next time if that's a problem." His tone could be used as a substitute for the air conditioner.

"I saw you at that restaurant together." She continued to drill.

"So what? It was cheap. Can't two friends have dinner together?" Richard overheard this and listened in, seeing if he could get meaning from this conversation. 

"Weeeeellll…. Do you like-like him?"

"I don't see that as any of your concern." Rex remained defensive. This had both Unikitty and Richard with lifted eyebrows. The princess puffed up her cheeks. 

"As your friend and the Prime Minister of Love-"

"The only other person who needs to know if I like Richard like that is Richard. That's it. If we wanna tell ya after that, then that's a decision we make together." He continued to hold his tone. That didn't really help either listening party figure out his true feelings. "Where's the exit, Princess?"

"We… passed it three minutes ago. Oh well!" That made Rex grip the steering wheel until his knuckles turned pale. "We can move on to the last thing! Take the next exit! Onward!" The man made no reaction other than taking the directions given.

[alarajrogers]

Blind kittens mew constantly so I am not sure where the OP got their information. A newborn kitten who is not mewing is nursing, asleep or dead. They pretty much mew all the time otherwise.

Chicks peep. Unless they are snugly nestled under mama's wings, a baby chicken is peeping all the time to tell Mom where they are. This isn't even a distress call, this is just an outgoing GPS signal to let Mom find her chicks.

I mean, it's true that babies cry and this is important to understanding humans, but we are not so isolated from the animal world as to be the only ones. Baby birds who fall out of the nest will cheep to let their parents know where they are -- which can be a big problem if there are predators around, but I have seen and heard them do it. Puppies whine when they are lonely and they need help and attention. And I can't verify this from personal experience, but someone posted a clip to Tumblr one time of baby alligators making a sound that sounded like laser gun zaps from a space opera, and identifying that as the call they make to tell their mothers where they are. (I wasn't even aware alligators cared for their young. A lot of reptiles don't.)

It may be the case that newborn wild animals usually are silent to avoid predators, but it seems to be that many of the domesticated ones, and some of the non-domesticated ones, do in fact make distress sounds to alert Mom that there is a problem, or just call constantly to tell their parents where they are. Human babies crying is not unique in the animal kingdom. Which, I think, also says something about us. We signal to our parents (and any human around) that we need help, because one of the deepest meanings of being human is that we lean on each other. And, we are not unique in the animal kingdom for doing this. We are part of the Earth's tapestry of life, and there are others who do as we do.

(It is important to note that one of the fundamental traits of humanity is neoteny -- we are, essentially, baby monkeys for our entire lifespans. Many traits that in apes are mostly or entirely confined to the young are extended across a whole human lifetime. This makes us active in learning and playing throughout our lives, and enables us to learn entirely new skills even into great old age. It also means that the baby trait of calling out to someone, anyone, for help when we're distressed is a trait human adults have as well. There are some human cultures where it's considered brave, noble and the Right Thing To Do to go off and quietly die when you feel as if you're too weak to keep going, but for most of us, we do not do this thing, which cats and many other animals do. We cling to friends and family when we are weak... which may possibly be related to the fact that we can survive shit that kills other animals our size, if we're given time to recover.)

Have you ever considered how fucking astonishing babies crying is?

The young of other animals don’t make noise, or if they do, barely any at all. Baby birds only start chirping when their parents come back with the food, kittens meow to their mothers because cat communication is extremely subtle and drawing your caretaker’s attention may require a sound when you have eight siblings. At this point, they can already see and walk.

 But human babies? Crying is essentially the first willful action that they learn. Months before being able to move on your own, or even hold your own fucking head up, or being able to choose when and where you defecate. Before anything else, a skill more valuable than anything else, is a distress call.

 A distress call specifically intended to be impossible to ignore.

 Before object permanence or theory of mind, without even an understanding of what help they need, who could provide it, and whether they choose to do so, a human being is capable of expressing that there is something wrong in the state they are in, that they are powerless to correct on their own.

 This is what was evolutionarily selected above silent babies that did not attract predators. This is what was selected instead of young who could instantly walk. This is what was selected as the ideal offspring for the human race. Not one that runs. Not one that hides. Not one that can fend for itself. A creature that can communicate, if only the simplest, most inherent message: I need help.

[grandpersonatree]

i love how birds sound like little shooting laser guns bro bro i thought lazer was spelled with a z??? mandela effect lol

[tundrakatiebean]

If there was a bird near my house that sounded kind of like a cheap laser gun sound effect what would that be?