#the best way to start drawing is to just draw

[hyunjiisa]

hey pretty boy !

skz ! members and what type of loner they’d be

incl. ot8 !

chan as the stoner! loner

shows up to school smelling like weed but no one cares because he does all his work and never causes trouble

you make eye contact with him for the first time in the parking lot while he’s smoking, he falls in love when you smile and wave

turns down everyone that hits on him after that

when he finally musters up the courage to talk to you all he can do is tap your shoulder in the same parking lot he first saw you and ask if you smoke

no matter your answer, he asks to get to know you better

“ come on , give me a chance ? ”

follows you around like a bodyguard after that

never ever lets you carry your own bag and always makes sure you have something to eat for lunch whether he has to pay for you or not

pretty smart in most subjects so you have study dates often because he just likes your presence

won’t smoke around you if you don’t like it

never posts anything besides you and aesthetic pictures he takes

isn’t the type to fight but he will if someone disrespects you, but they back off because of his size before it gets to that point

hyunjin as the artsy! loner

has one black pen and one red pen that he abuses every day

pays attention for the most part but occasionally gets distracted doodling in his notebooks

def has drawings all over his hands

the first time he noticed you was in art class and he thought you were so pretty he started drawing you

you glance over and he’s mortified when he realizes he probably looks like a creep

too nervous to go up to you and explain so he leaves you a note with little drawings all over (plus the drawing of you) and a replacement of the pink gel pen he notices you using all the time

gets super nervous when he sees you walking up to him the next day

you ask him to partner up for a project and thank him for the drawing

“ i couldn’t help it , you’re just so pretty . ”

ends up kissing you at your last project session

asks you out with the most thoughtful basket filled with things you like and a letter with another drawing of you and almost cries when you don’t answer right away

does everything for you after you get together

the art teacher is yalls biggest fan

has no one else to cling to so he’s all over you 24/7

gives nasty glares to men who simply look at you

felix as the fashion design! loner

like hyunjin, spends most of his time sketching out designs in his scrap book where he keeps all his miniature fabric samples in

sulks because there’s no fashion club for him to join

is initially drawn to you because of an outfit you wore that he loves

eventually asks where you got your top when you wear it again and his heartstrings pull at the way you answer so sweetly and compliment his hair

after that the two of you gradually got closer and closer

you help him learn to sew and he starts planning marriage then and there (he wants to help design your wedding dress)

sews matching patches on your backpacks

you catch him texting his best friend that lives abroad about you

gets so nervous he cries

you tell him you feel the same way and he cries even harder

“ be mine ? please ? ”

just gets even clingier once you end up together

loves kissing you and laying together while he sketches

takes you out whenever you want and spoils you rotten because he has rich parents

matching outfits = fire insta pics

jeongin as the sour patch! loner

never talks to anyone so everyone thinks he’s mean but he’s really an angel

your elective teacher makes your class do a secret santa and he gets you

he gives you oddly specific gifts (he has a massive crush on you and overhears you telling your friends your wishlist) and includes a note sweet talking you

you go up to him and thank him with a kiss on the cheek and he turns red

he asks you to hang out and pays for brunch and the cutest pottery painting date

“ will you go out with me ? n-not like that ! ”

gets the teacher to move you two to sit next to each other

everyone’s a little surprised when they see how he’s so gentle with you

decides he needs to get over himself and ask you out and gets you a pandora charm bracelet and a pretty bouquet of flowers

pampers you with your favorite snacks or meals randomly, refills of makeup you use, randomly does your homework for you

flips off ur exes and flexes on them when you aren’t looking then turns around to kiss you

is at your house 24/7 because he can’t breathe without you but is supportive when you go out with your friends or need a solo day

loves going to the beach with you and carrying you so your feet don’t get sandy

jisung as the nerdy! loner

has good grades and the teachers remember his name because his work is always on time

eats alone in the library because he has no one to sit with

you walk in on him while picking up a book you need and he’s super embarrassed (he’s had a crush on you since middle school)

you ask to sit with him because you think he’s cute and he trips over his words answering you

you spend lunch with him every day after that and he starts packing a lunch for you too

accidentally confesses he has a fat crush on you when you ask if he has a girlfriend

he starts rambling after and shuts up when he notices you’re giggling at him

you kiss him and he swears his lifelong dream has come true

“ i like , really like you . ”

is the sweetest boyfriend ever

does all your homework for you and insists it’s really no problem

drives you to and from school every day because “that’s what boyfriends are for”

never looks at anyone but you and writes down threats and shoves them in guys lockers when they hit on you

minho as the gym! loner

purposefully gets his free period after his weightlifting class so he can spend two periods working out

isn’t really shy, just doesn’t like anyone enough to have friends

girls check him out occasionally but he always ignores them

catches you freaking out when you have no clothes to change in and offers you his shirt because he thinks you’re cute

uses that as an excuse to mess with you

“ if i can bench you , you owe me a date ”

spoiler, he can.

makes sure to tell you you don’t really owe him anything and he’s just messing with you

you agree to the date and he picks you up and takes you on a surprisingly thoughtful date

drive around town, food and watching the sunset, takes your pictures next to pretty flowers and keeps his arm around you the whole time

asks you if you really have to go when he’s dropping you off

walks you to your door and gives you a hug (he’s never dated anyone and too scared to kiss you)

texts you that he had a really good time and he would “work to make you his”

it doesn’t take much work and he kisses you right after he asks you to be his

is way too proud of his build and wears sleeveless shirts just to scare anyone that looks at you

carries you around any chance he gets

seungmin as the music lover! loner

walks around with his headphones in 24/7

hums to himself quietly while he studies

you ask him about a song he was humming and he’s surprised you were talking to him

you think he hates you till he smiles at you when you walk into class

makes you a playlist to make his move on you

doesn’t know how to tell you he likes you at all so he just kinda teases you to flirt with you

takes you to a record store at lunch because he wanted to show you the spot

stares at you a little too hard so you ask him if he wants a kiss as a joke

says yes and moves your hair out of your face, you guys have a make out sesh and only stop when the owner clears his throat awkwardly at the both of you

“ so , if i ask you to be mine what are the chances of you saying yes ? ”

you make him go back inside alone and buy you the vinyl you want

he comes back out with it and 5 more that you didn’t wanna ask for but knows you wanted anyway

you skip the rest of the day and go to his house and use his record player

you fall asleep on him and he takes 0.5s of you

shares his headphones with you, but doesn’t share his food (until you make a sad face at him and he gives in instantly. works every time.)

changbin as the sweetheart! loner

all of his professors adore him, all the school staff does at this point

has the maximum hours of community service that he can have but won’t stop helping around where he can

notices you from the start because he thinks you’re pretty, but really starts liking you when he sees you volunteer at an elementary school

accidentally scares you coming up behind you when you’re hanging a banner

you guys start helping at the same places and make a tradition of hanging up banners together

after a while he figures he might as well just tell you how he feels, is elated when you hug him and tell him the feelings mutual

“ oh thank god . ”

confesses that he was actually really nervous and gets flustered when you tease him about it because he thinks you’re the prettiest

when you ask why he never hangs out with anyone he says he doesn’t like people with unpure hearts and that’s why he loves you so much

definitely takes you out and buys you guys matching stuff

married couple

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

a/n: i’m not pushing any of these narratives onto them, it’s just dif scenarios i wanted to write them in ᡣ𐭩

[hanbinics]

!boxer matt meets !sunshine reader at one of his fights...

the boxing gym was like nowhere you’d ever been in before nor anywhere you usually spend your time. it was loud, gritty, and so alive with this sort of energy that had your heart racing for all the wrong reasons. it had you clutching your best friend’s elbow like a lifeline the entire time she led you through the crowds of rowdy people around you, all of them jittery and chattering excitedly about the two men in the ring.

“hey, just stay close to me, okay?” your friend calls over the noise. when she glances back at you and notices the slight pinch of your brow and your pursed lips, her shoulders relax. “trust me, you’re gonna love it. matt’s amazing to watch,” she reassures you softly, the somewhat familiar name piquing your curiosity. after all, it was the entire reason she’d dragged you here tonight—her boyfriend’s brother is the one boxing.

so despite feeling like a fish out of water, you offer a nod of your head and a small smile, allowing your best friend to pull you towards the front of the crowd to get a better view of the two men entering the ring. you’ve never actually met matt before, but as soon as you catch sight of him finishing up on the layers of tape on his knuckles, you just know it’s him. not only does he look strikingly similar to chris, but there’s something about the way he carries himself that immediately draws you in.

he’s... intimidating—broad shoulders, a sharp jawline, and cold blue eyes zeroed-in on the man across the ring from him. you can see fading bruises peeking out from beneath his tape before he’s pulling worn gloves over his hands, and the sight nearly makes you shiver. you’re so focused on how dangerous he looks when you suddenly feel as though someone is staring at you, and when you look up, your breath hitches in your throat at the realization that those cold blue eyes are now focused on you.

it's only for a fraction of a second that matt allows himself to study you, but immediately there’s an almost imperceptible furrow of his brow.

you don’t belong here.

the thought is immediate and unshakable. while the crowd around him roars with impatience, you stand there with wide, pretty eyes and parted lips, clearly out of place—like a daisy growing through a crack in the concrete.

but as soon as the fight starts, his attention shifts, and you’re left reeling from his cold gaze as he locks in on the only thing that makes him feel at home anymore—and it shows. you can’t take your eyes off him as he moves around the ring, even when you find yourself wincing here and there at the punches being thrown. it’s still not enough to make you look away, your body subconsciously leaning forward and your lips parted as if you’re watching a movie unfold before you. you’re amazed by the focus and control he maintains, and by the time his arm is being lifted in victory, your best friend is surprised at the way you clap for the brunette in the ring.

she looks at you with amusement twinkling in her eyes for a moment before leaning closer to your ear. “see? i told you he’s good,” she hums playfully, but you can hardly rip your gaze from matt’s broad shoulders and smug smile as he’s paraded around the ring in celebration.

once the crowd begins to disperse, most of them heading towards the front to collect on their bets, you find yourself being pulled towards the back despite your quiet protests as your friend insists that you have to meet matt. you can’t explain why, but the thought of doing so has your heart racing in your chest, the image of those cold blue eyes gazing down at you from the ring like a warning in your head. but before you can really dig your heels in and insist you should be getting home, you find yourself timidly approaching chris and his brother sitting on a bench in the locker room, one of the employees probably working the fights tonight cleaning up a gash just over matt’s right brow.

“baby,” the girl beside you greets her boyfriend, a wide grin on her face as chris stands from the bench to wrap his arms around her waist. you watch as he leans down to press a gentle kiss to her mouth, but find yourself looking away just before their lips actually meet.

when they pull away, she’s still smiling when she shifts her attention to matt. “matt, this is the friend i was talking about bringing along,” she explains, introducing you to the boxer. you can feel your cheeks warm as your name is spoken to the other man, mortified that he might think you can’t so much as introduce yourself.

from the bench, matt’s head tilts just enough to acknowledge you guys, his sharp eyes narrowing slightly when he looks at you. “so,” he says, deep voice laced with sarcasm, “you brought me a cheerleader?”

slowly, your face falls, and while your cheeks begin to burn, you find yourself blinking, lips parting and then closing as you try to find something—anything—to say to curb your embarrassment. he’s still looking at you, watching you closely, like he’s trying to gauge your reaction, but you feel like you can do nothing but flounder under the cold, subtle hint of amusement dancing in his eyes.

despite your obvious embarrassment, your friend just laughs it off. “she’s new to all this, but she thought you were amazing,” she informs him, raising an eyebrow as if challenging the other triplet from beneath chris’s protective arm around her shoulder. there seems to be something unspoken exchanged between the two, but you’re too flustered to decode any of it, especially when matt’s expression shifts into something a little more smug as his eyes flick back to you.

“is that so?” he asks, but there’s an air of cocky indifference about his question, and you watch as he leans his back against the lockers behind him, arms crossed over his chest in a way that makes a few lean muscles flex subtly. you don’t have to see yourself to know your cheeks are a furious shade of pink.

“i mean, yeah, um—you were really good,” you manage to stammer out, voice barely above a whisper. it only serves the burn in your cheeks, and you watch as matt’s smirk deepens.

“really good, huh? high praise from an expert.”

“oh i’m not an expert at all,” you breathe out almost immediately, not catching the teasing tone to his voice, “i don’t even really know much about boxing, but the way you moved—it was like, um... watching a dance? but better. faster, and stronger,” you elaborate. at this point, your hands are wringing together anxiously at the base of your stomach, and your face is on fire. you feel entirely silly after you’re done, especially when you watch the way matt tilts his head to the side, clearly amused.

“a dance,” he repeats, tone dripping with skepticism, “never heard someone call it that before.”

despite your own nerves, you nod your head quickly in response. “it was just that you seemed to know everything that was going to happen next, and you executed it so well... it was amazing, really,” you find yourself admitting, and for a moment, matt’s smirk falters as he watches you seemingly replay the whole fight in your head, looking completely fucking awestruck.

from beside you, chris rolls his eyes. “matt,” he says simply, a light, playful warning just beneath his brother’s name as he shoots him a look as if to say be nice.

you don’t catch it, his expression shifting into one of an easy smile when you look the couple’s way, but your best friend almost looks sympathetic when your eyes meet, and you can’t help but be a little confused and feeling left out of the loop as matt finally stands from the bench.

“it was nice meeting you.” your name rolls off the boxer’s tongue with ease, but he seems almost dismissive about the pleasantry as he throws a t-shirt over his head and picks up his bag from the bench, hiking the strap over his shoulder.

disappointment sinks into the pit of your stomach, oddly enough, and your mouth twitches into a frown despite your best efforts. “oh, uh, it was nice meeting you too,” you reply quietly, the room beginning to fill with soft shuffling as your friends begin to make their way towards the door to end the night.

your fingers toy anxiously with one another as you turn to follow the couple out of the room, but your heart skips a beat in your chest when matt calls your name once more, prompting you to turn back to him, eyes wide with both surprise and curiosity.

you watch as he makes his way towards you, blue eyes twinkling with something you can’t put your finger on as he takes you in carefully. the closer he gets, the quicker your pulse becomes, and you swallow hard when you have to tilt your head up slightly just to look at him because of how close he’s gotten.

“i’ll see you next friday then?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. he watches your face carefully, taking in the hint of confusion behind your pretty eyes, the sight making his own mouth twitch into a small smirk as he begins to move past you and towards the door to follow his brother out.

“next friday?” you echo almost breathlessly, twisting around to face him once he’s halfway out the door, his body only half turned towards you as he nods once, that same sarcastic smirk resting so beautifully on his face.

“’m gonna need my cheerleader at my next fight, won’t i?”

a/n. i missed writing. i'm sorry i haven't been posting, but i hope you guys stick around for what's to come. x

©hanbinics

[daphwritesworld]

YOU ARE DOING GODS WORK WRITING FOR TOP!KEIRA. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR MONTHS!! NOT TO RUSH YOU BUY WHEN IS IT COMING OUT??

hopefully the first part will be out tomorrow, but the latest will be Friday :D

…..and okay yall have done it…you have forced me to give you a lil preview 😩 (a.k.a i just can’t contain it to myself anymore bc im so excited lol)

part one out now: read here!!

18+ MINORS DNI

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥♠♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“You better get your girl, Kei!” A very drunk Alexia laughs out, “Before your best friend does.”

Keira’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, her eyes searching out to where her captain’s sights are set. And oh what a sight she is met with— you, her sweet angel, pressed up against Leah on the dance floor. You’re still high off the win, and even more elated from seeing your old english teammates celebrating with you. It’d been quite a day at the UEFA, both of your groups collecting a victory in your matches.

Now here you are, three shots deep and your adrenaline making you act out a lot more than you normally would. You’re usually such a good girl for Keira. An absolute picture perfect sub— admired by all who saw the two of you interact. She loves the way you heed her every word, never arguing or disagreeing when she tells you to do something. So it’s a surprise to her when you just smile at her, and grind your ass back against Leah when she motions for you to come towards her.

Keira feels her jaw clench as her fingers tighten around the glass in her hand, and she makes the continuous decision to set it down before she ends the night early getting stitches. She starts making her way through the crowd, her eyes never leaving yours as she does. Leah’s whispering something in your ear, and you bite your lips at whatever it is. A blush crossing your cheeks as you finally break the intense gaze of your girlfriend. Leah’s hands are circling around your middle now, her palms resting low on your abdomen as she presses you against her even tighter.

You can hear your heart thumping in your ears now. A pit deepens in your stomach as Keira rapidly approaches you, her hand instantly wrapping around your wrist as she yanks you into her body. You stumble at first, your free hand coming up to balence yourself against her chest. You feel like your blood is molten lava under your skin, and you aren’t sure if it’s the alcohol or your actions that’s causing the burning sensation to pump through your veins.

Maybe it’s the good girl deep inside of you burning alive from the guilt of acting out…but the sexy look on your girlfriend’s face quickly sweeps that notion from your mind. I mean how could you feel guilty when your pussy is throbbing from the way her nails angrily dig into your skin…you should right? You should feel guilty about how much it turns you on to see her jealous and hot headed with anger, but it doesn’t. It only makes you smile up at her as your hands go behind you to find her best friend, and pull her back against your body.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Her hands moves down to your waist as she tightens her grip there, knocking Leah’s away in the process.

“Well, i wasn’t just gonna sit on your lap all night because you didn’t wanna dance with me,” you make sure to roll your eyes as you say it— playing up on the brattiness to test her boundaries in front of company. It feels so much safer to do it with so many eyes on you. Because in your mind, what can she really do to you in a room full of hundreds of people? So it inflates your confidence, your ego, and your desire for her break to you back down into a pliable little sub. It’s like you have a sugar rush from all the praise and sweetness she’s always shown you, but you’re finally coming down from the high…and boy are you crashing HARD. You’re craving to see the rougher side of your sickly sweet girlfriend has been growing steadily for weeks now. At least, ever since she let it slip that she’s a brat tamer during a drunk truth or dare last month.

-

You had called her out with a big hearty laugh, “Oh Kei, come on! You’re like the total opposite of that. You’ve never even raised your voice at me, let alone spank me back into my place!”

“Yeah, because you already know that it’s underneath me. Brats are like wild animals, and you’re more like a house cat, babe. No need to tame a kitten when you’re used to dealing with lions.”

It was like a light went off in your head after that— a deep seated need to broken then put back together by her.

-

Your feet must’ve went into auto pilot, because your brain is just now playing catch up. You hadn’t even realized you’re being dragged through the crowd. At least, not until you hear a chorus of teasing shouts from the mix of your former and current teammates behind you. The door to the bathroom flies open just as Mariona makes sure to yell out for you both to “Usa protección, chicas!”

Keira doesn’t even check to see if all the stalls are empty. She just pushes you into the first one she sees. You go to speak, but you’re cut off by her hand coming up and locking around your throat. “Spread your fucking legs, y/n.”

Your eyes widen at her statement, hesitation clear as you make no move to follow her demands. “B-but we’re in pub—“ you’re cut off by a growl coming out of the older girl in front of you, “And I don’t give a damn, y/n. If you wanna act like a slut, then i’ll treat you like one…” She pushes you up against the stall door, her chest vibrating against yours as she lightly laughs.

“And sluts don’t get fucked on nice comfy beds, do they?” Her eyes flicker up to yours before she leans down to press a couple kisses up your neck. A few more condescending giggles come out of her too, slightly tickling your skin in her wake. When she pulls away it’s like you can see the switch flip behind her eyes, because suddenly her voice is back to being as stern as the look on her face. “They get finger fucked in dirty bathroom stalls with their panties hanging around their ankles.”

[seeliemansi]

You Made Him Worried (Mr. Crawling x Reader)

Synopsis: The last thing you want is to make him worried

a/n: Wrote this while high on antihistamine, will probably rewrite after I got better *hic*

Part of this universe

------------

Mr. Crawling despises it when you get hurt. He tends to be extra clingy, extra needy, and very shaky when it happens.

You have to be careful as you dance around the topic of you getting hurt because he is not playing with your safety.

That's why when you slipped, and the cause was just you being careless as you decided that running towards your apartment to go home is a good decision during a sudden rain, it hit you so bad, you didn't even have time to say ouch out loud. Enough with protecting yourself from getting wet. You were more worried that he will panic and will start a power surge that can cause an electricity loss in your apartment building. You need the heater and can't sleep with how cold it is tonight.

Your white dress is wet and ruined. Your hair is a mess. You are bruised and in pain. And you walk upstairs with a limp. A good way to end the day you supposed.

You remind yourself to be cool. Not to make Mr. Crawling worried. You just want it to not be awkward when you meet him back home, waiting for you at his usual spot.

At least that's the plan.

The moment you stepped inside, all smiles, acting silly, downplaying what happened, you tried your best. You really do.

But when you opened your eyes, and looked at him.

His smile was turned into a frown. And with a shaky voice he asked.

“You, what happened?”

“You. Blood? Wound?”

“Hurt? Hurt?” He continued asking as he grabbed your arm. A wince came out of your mouth not from his hold, but from a cut you never saw due to the dimly lit streets and the mud that clung on your skin.

“No! Mr. Crawling, I am okay. See, not hurt and painful at all.” You grabbed his hand and wrapped it around yours, trying to divert his attention. You bite the inside of your cheeks, pretending that your whole body is not sore from the fall.

“Let's go, Mr. Crawling. I need to change or I will get a cold.” You insisted as you stepped inside and tried to chuckle, trying to dissipate the tension that is slowly building up in the air. When suddenly, he stopped, pulled his hands out of your hold, slowly stood up, and towered over you.

“No!” He screamed, voice deeper than usual. He walked closer, an inch away from you. His breathing is heavy. His hair seems to have a brain of its own as it stood, like Medusa’s snakes. The electricity flickers as he moves.

You gulped, planning to take a step back but you’ve been cornered by a wall. You can only helplessly look up at him. Watching the dark look clouding over his face.

—-----

“You done?” He asked, too chirpy to your liking.

“I will be done soon. Can you let go of my hand for a moment?” You draw circles on his hand that was holding yours as you bathe in the tub. The curtains were drawn, to give you a little privacy. A little uncomfortable but if you fully close it, he will surely sit in the tub and watch you bath instead.

This is the only compromise he agreed to so he will stop standing up and darkening your hallway.

Although you know he wasn't capable of hurting you, you got so scared when he suddenly stood up and towered over you. All you can think about is to make a compromise that he will like, or at least to lessen his worry. It breaks your heart to see him worried.

“Yes. Yes. Towel?” He offered. But when you tried to grab it from his hold, he pulled it so you would let it go.

“No! Me help you.” He insisted.

“But I can do it by myself.” You countered.

“I said no. I will help you.” A shiver ran down your spine when he suddenly was able to form a whole sentence in your language.

“Alright.” You sighed and stepped out of the tub. He is standing up, hands holding the towel wide open. He is grinning and looking thrilled. Who would have blamed him? It is the first time you two are inside the bathroom together. “Come! Come!” He giggles as he wraps it around you.

The way he switches from terrifying to sweet is always a surprise to you. He can be the sweetest but when push comes to shove, the most frightening ghost you have ever seen.

“Here, kiss. Kiss. Kiss.” He spoke as he raised your arm and kissed all the visible cuts and bruises you have on your skin.

You can't help but giggle from the gesture, feeling your heart swell with happiness. You may be sore but you're glad that you took him home.

[b-ppalling]

And second of all, holy crap this was written so evocatively. Despite being out of relationships for years now, I could still feel the familiar stomach dropping sensation as I read.

And the sad reality is, it’s never just your romantic relationships affected by anxious attachment style, it’s all relationships: new friendships, old sturdy friendships, coworkers, bosses, doctors, librarians. Anyone you have to see more than once.

This shit weighs on you in tiny imperceptible ways that only become clear in the aggregate. And that means you have to get to the point where you can start drawing the patterns and trend lines.

It gets better, you get better. You have to keep putting yourself out there and being vulnerable and being emotionally available too those who will be honest with you because it’s the only way you get more data and more experience so when you start spiraling you can take a step back and say: ‘no, I’ve been here before, I’ll be here again, I can see past the fog and glimpse the reality of the situation for what it truly is.’ And that’s the best freedom there is.

you want them to text back but that's anxious attachment isn't it. it's just that you can feel on the wind when you're not wanted anymore. when they've fallen out of love in any small part of their marrow. you have a hawk's eye for disharmony. you can tell when she has begun packing her things.

don't be annoying. you want to write: i have never experienced unconditional love as an explanation but isn't that pathetic. in adulthood all love is conditional and it should be. you've been to too much therapy. touch grass. how sappy can you be.

but they don't reach for your hand while they're driving. they forget to ask you how you're doing. the call times no longer read 12:34:19. they're 30 minutes and perfunctory before she says baby please, i'm tired. i need to go to sleep. where in her life do you fit. why is it that you never fit into anyone's life very long. oblong creature with so many needs, spilling up and out and over everything. it's a fucking shame the first time she said she loved you it was for your independence. and now look at you.

hollow pit in your stomach, body shaking. fuck, not again. you're not going to ruin another relationship like this, codependent and toxic, spiraling. and in the other half of your brain: if that's your wife, wouldn't she want to hear it? wouldn't it be fine? wouldn't she just comfort you and you can both move on and nobody dies?

but you're crowding her! read another instagram Positive Vibes Only type of post that talks about calming your heart and your brain and your body. try to sit in silence. the thing is that you do have a life outside of her, remember? go back to it.

great news, your parents fucked you up and now you have no idea how to deal with love. you just keep wanting to be chosen. to be real to someone, all the way through. real and kept. held closely. seen as precious to somebody. why even is that? didn't you always swear that people can and should complete themselves? why are you so constantly driven to beg for love, doglike and barking?

it's just the tiny things. it's just that you have to weigh every silence and sentence like bricks on an exposed belly. you have no idea how to shut it off. every alarm bell in your body saying: this isn't safe. start scrambling. she's already going.

[mattslolita]

Bambi crying because her vball coach was yelling at her all day so she goes home and starts crying

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧

tears brimmed your waterline, small sniffles escaping your lips as you hurriedly tried to dry them from your wide eyes. you were used to your coach's demanding nature, but today was different; she's never yelled at you as much as she did today. everyone knew you were sensitive especially when they raised their voice at you — even your teammates were shocked at the amount of times coach had taken her frustrations out on you.

you didn't want chris to see you crying for the millionth time over nonsense, so you quietly unlocked the door to his shared apartment with his brothers and walked inside quietly.

"oh, hey y/n," matt says, turning around slightly to face you. you had your back turned though, trying to hide the somber expression on your features. "everything alright?"

"mhm!" you accidentally speak loudly, a small hiccup leaving your lips followed by a quiet gasp.

"okay," matt says slowly, turning back around, "chris'll be back soon, he's getting food with nick right now."

"okay," you say quietly, immediately making your way down to chris's room in the basement.

you dropped your volleyball equipment onto the floor, finally releasing the small rack of sobs that previously threatened to spill from your lips — you sprawled onto chris's bed, curling into a ball as you sobbed quietly.

chris could hear you from the outside of his room when he had finally came back, pressing his ear close to the door to make sure he could hear you properly. a frown makes it's way onto his face, as he gently pushes the door to his room open, seeing your figure curled up.

he says nothing at first, just simply walking over to the bed and pulling your body into his. he lets you cry into his chest, running a hand through your braids soothingly. he leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead, wiping at the fat tears that rolled down your cheeks.

after some time, chris noticed you were quiet — you hadn't said anything, just messing with the drawstring on his sweater.

"hi pretty girl," chris whispers to you, tilting your chin up gently, your wet lashes blinking up at him, "y'wanna tell me what's goin' on?"

"coach," you said, squeezing your eyes shut as you shook your head, "she kept yellin' at me today. and only me! i don't know what i did wrong."

chris sighs, shaking his head as his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek. he continues rubbing your back, drawing small circles. "i know she was mean to you angel, but you gotta ignore her, 'kay? i've seen your coach, an' she's a miserable lady. what are all your teammates always sayin' about you? how did you even get into one of the best leagues? that's cause you're an' amazing player, sweetheart. don't let that shit get to ya head, alright?"

you nodded, a small smile on your lips as you looked up at chris. "thank you, baby."

"course, mama," chris coos, leaning down to place a sweet kiss to your lips, "now come an' eat this wingstop i got you."

[lurkinginnernarrator]

Shen Yuan should be surprisingly good at makeup. Like, we all know that Shen Jiu could draw eyeliner sharper than Cheng Luan, but Shen Yuan had a meimei.

Imagine she has a school dance or something, and maybe a mean girl at school said something that made Shen-mei decide she was going to wear makeup for the school dance.

Now, of course, Shen Yuan and his geges make sure to tell her that the girl was just mean, and she's beautiful when she's comfortable and happy, not because of makeup etc etc it's all very good intentioned.

Even so, she says, she still wants to wear makeup.

So she buys some, and starts practicing. She's ... Not the best. Shen Yuan finds her crying in the bathroom with crooked eyeliner, mascara transfer marks on her cheeks, foundation and concealer in the wrong shade, contour that looks like a 5'o'clock shadow, overfilled brows, blush that won't blend...

He helps her take off the cakey makeup and bundles her into the living room, comforting warm drinks in hand. They spend the night watching makeup tutorials.

Step-by-step Shen Yuan learns along with his meimei how to do a full face of makeup.

The school dance goes perfectly, Shen-mei was the most beautiful resplendent girl in the school and had a wonderful time with her friends.

Shen Yuan and Shen-mei don't stop watching makeup videos and doing makeup on each other though, it becomes a shared hobby. Every few weeks, even into adulthood, they'd meet up, turn on some makeup influencer and take out their makeup brushes.

It was their special thing, something that just the two of them shared.

Cut to post-transmigration, during a visit for planning the 'garden', Shang Qinghua idly asks Cucumber-bro how he manages to draw the huadian perfectly every single time.

(I don't know the correct term, I tried looking for the proper terminology because what I believe Shen Qingqiu wears is some sort of scholar's mark? But I couldn't find anything. Please let me know if anyone knows the correct term!)

Shen Yuan shrugs and goes 'not like it's hard, you probably just suck.'

This leads to an argument wherein Shen Yuan decides to demonstrate his superiority.

They did forget that there was a Peak Lords meeting, and so Shen Qingqiu strolls in with flawless eyeliner, lips, huadian, the whole combo, and Shang Qinghua walks in with a red face and smudged eyeliner (it does look good though, fits his messy vibes).

Liu Qingge feels a little faint when he watches Shen Qingqiu absentmindedly press his fan to his lips, leaving lipstick marks on the fan. (SY wonders why at that moment, the System lets him know that his fan has leveled up.)

Luo Binghe is trying to figure out a way to get Shizun to teach him to do makeup... The thought of Shizun taking the brush to his lips, concentration furrowing his brows, letting Luo Binghe admire his face even more unabashedly then usual ...

Qi Qingqi changes her tune faster because she has to know how Shen Qingqiu got his eyelashes so perfect.

[tuliptic]

Start Line: Growing and Transforming

We've been running this far, non-stop, all day yeah   Never getting tired, we keep up this runner's high   You know graduation   Even though it's over, it's not the end   Put on some new shoes   Yeah we're ready at the start line

Things have been difficult for a lot of us, and sometimes, we just want a flicker of hope, or some words of encouragement that can push us to go further. Just… Something, a message, to tell us that the pain we’re going through right now is temporary, and things will be better. 

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and tell yourself that you’re on a brand new start line, and ask for the messages you’re called to hear. Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1 - Pile 2

Pile 3 - Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. Also, I do not consent to my work or images being used by third parties on this platform or other websites as well.

Decks used: Crossing Star Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self-made lyrics deck.

Pile 1

One card to represent you: The Magician rx

The first thought that popped into my mind is that… You’ve probably been told (many times) that you’re a good manifestor, but you have not seen it working out for you, or at least, not at the moment. You’ll need to try an error (or maybe errors) to find what works for you, and what works best for you. It can be rather disheartening to fail, but look for the opportunities in life’s challenges and learn the lessons. You work better by letting your physical body learn rather than your brain to absorb the knowledge. You probably have also noticed your tendency to self-sabotage, but you don’t intend to do anything about it. Perhaps, not at the moment, as you’re not in a right place yet to fix yourself, but you need to remember it and to work on it.

1. Why have things happened?  - Four of Cups

You have been too focused on what you’re feeling and not looking at the outer world, on whatever that’s happening around you or to you. This definitely has something to do with The Magician rx above, where you’re sabotaging yourself and not focusing on the present. It’s giving me very… Neptune rx in Pisces vibes, so some of you who picked this pile may have Pisces placements. It’s like living in the world yet not living at the same time, where you’re floating and drifting, not seeing where you’re at or where you’re going. Life has been throwing you opportunities to learn the lessons, but you’re not learning it. Not to mention that you’re not organising what it is that you’re feeling inside and to do something about it. With all of that happening, some of you may feel you’re at a standstill or some will have their head and heart wrapped up in different bags and not know how to unify them.

2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - Knight of Pentacles rx

You have to stop dilly-dallying, and pick up the pace if you want to move away from where you’re standing. Sure, ADHD paralysis is difficult to deal with when you’re frozen (I’m referring to myself as well, in case y’all think I’m attacking anyone), but it is already something if you can move yourself away from the way of harm first. My first thought here is to train your body to be able to move on autopilot from time to time, which will help you in countless ways. Sure, you’re still sluggish and unenthusiastic, but let your body move first, exercise, and let your brain rest during those times.  Another way you can attempt to stop those thoughts is to get help. Not only external help from professionals, but more of building healthy interpersonal relationships. True friends will want to help you to be better, and will be willing to spend some time to accompany you to carry out activities that are beneficial for both of you.

3. What to look forward to? - The Magician rx

You’ll be able to tap into your energy. I do think that this is a time for you to work together with your manifestation talent/skill, and for you to decide which direction you want to head. You need to remember that the direction you’re going is not something fixed, so no worries in making a decision. You can change that anytime, or go on a different journey if it doesn’t fit you. The more important thing is to have a welcoming heart, to dream and invite limitless magic into your life, allow your guides to show in unexpected ways. Do not be afraid, go step by step and find out what works for you.  Of course, you can look forward to this if you take action. If you’re not doing anything, do not hope or wish for things to fall directly into your laps.

4. What have you left behind and grown from? - The Tower

You’ve gone through a huge upheaval, you’ve gone through a lot of chaos and traumas in the past. Now, you’re going through another fundamental shift. It may not be as tremendous and messy as it was in the past, but this shift is something more of an energy thing, where you need to learn to be more selective with where and who you want to spend your energy on. This energy encompasses mental, spiritual and physical energy, and you have to remember that you’re also an exhaustible being, where you can’t focus on others forever. Look back, and you’ll see how far you’ve gone from that unhappy place. Remind yourself that you’re able to do it again. Once you’ve grown from it, you’ll also be more free to explore your skills and abilities. You’ve always had a tendency to have a foot in almost everything, and with you now knowing how to distribute your energy and time? You definitely can. You can try focusing on what’s in front of you instead of attempting to explore far, you might find treasures closer to you instead.

5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - The Chariot

The Chariot talks about action and goal. I don’t think I need to say much on this, as it’s pretty self explanatory. However, remember to hold onto your reins as you move towards wherever it is you’re heading. You need to have a clear goal and a destination, else you’ll run out of energy/fuel, and you may end up in different places. You’ll need a clear and visible goal, and the stages need to be well defined and measurable. You get strength from seeing actual results, and that’s when you gain the confidence to continue moving forward. You will get justice when you’re moving forward. The justice here is internal, as it is more towards countering the self-sabotaging part of you. It’s difficult, but once you wipe the tears and bite on the happiness you’re seeing, you’ll know your purpose in life, and you’ll taste that justice.

6. Advice for you - Five of Pentacles, Nine of Cups rx, Ace of Cups rx

Some of you may be facing financial difficulties or even health problems. It’s best if you work on them now as you prepare for what it is to come. It can be quite disheartening at times when you question and wonder why hard times fall on you more often than others. This may also result in an unhealthy stream of emotions. Emotions itself isn’t a bad thing, the problem would be how you’re managing it. Don’t hold them in and stack them up. Find a safe place to release them, understand those emotions and nurture yourself back. Place your trust in the Universe, believe that whatever that is happening to you right now is part of a greater plan. Twist your thoughts a little, see it as a blessing where you’re finding problems when it’s still salvageable (it’s still painful but hey, we can work on it eventually). Tune into your heart, listen to your wishes, and look at what you have achieved throughout the years. Your wishes of the past are now fulfilled, and you’ve finally built the life you’ve wanted when you were much younger. Well, it may exist in different forms, or you’ve gotten it not according to how you originally planned, but it’s there. Know that you can change your wishes into reality because you have the power. Believe in yourself. Let’s say if you want to recover faster, you can manifest quicker healing. You can. Just make sure that you do not fall into the habit of feeling dejected and dissatisfied quickly. Hold on to a heart of gratitude. It will open up doors for you.

Overall energy: The Tower rx, Six of Pentacles

There’s a mix of energy here. You’re unsatisfied that things have gone out of your control, yet there’s also a sense of relief that you are not responsible over those things going out of control. Despite the difficult times, you still hold generosity in your heart, where you offer what you have (materials, energy, time) to those who need them. In turn, you’ll also be blessed with what you need. Accept help given to you with an open heart and a grateful attitude. The greater plan the Universe has in mind for you may have something to do with people and connection, so that may be an aspect you want to pay attention to. Things or memories from the past can be resurfacing, so stop hiding or running away, and face them. 

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Pile 2

One card to represent you: Death

First thing I’m picking up here is that you’re going through a lot of changes right now, and the next thing is that… You’re being watched over. There's a lot, and I mean A WHOLE LOT of things that are going on right now, and they’re overflowing your plate. I could sense a certain level of panic and dread over everything, but there’s also some form of apathy where you’re tired of everything and anything happening all at once. There’s too much that’s going on to the point you have no idea where or what to focus on, so you’re probably at a standstill where you’re looking at the overflowing plate, doing nothing. I’d say that this is a “freeze” response because you’re at a point where you can’t process anything at the moment, but once your brain starts spinning again, you’ll get things done. You have people watching over you, or your guides are protecting you at this time. Imagine you’re standing still in the middle of the path but no one is hitting you. It’s like that. Your guides are making sure that you have enough time to process whatever that’s happening to you and around you. Once you start moving, they’ll follow behind you and help you out when you ask them, especially when you’re facing any confrontation.

1. Why have things happened? - The Hermit rx

You’ve withdrawn yourself from certain aspects of life (friendship, or work, or a certain class, or even a hobby) with attempts of healing yourself and to give yourself more time. Sure, you’ve got the time, but those times were not spent on yourself, those free times were not helping you, but the other people in your life. In another sense, you were still busy, and you did not get the rest you needed.  There’s a certain level of emptiness that I’m feeling here, and that you’re torn as well, not sure if you want to fill that emptiness or you want to remain it as so because of the comfort of being used to it. Do you trust yourself, with the steps and decisions you’ve been making? BET ON ME by ITZY was playing as I typed this out, and I do feel that there’s a message in this song for you.

2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - King of Pentacles rx

King of Pentacles is generally the last card of the deck, and what I'm seeing here is that you still have a lot more to go, that things are not final yet, and you have the ability (King) to change things to your favour. I understand that you're currently in a flight or freeze mindset, but you need to work your brain to trick it a little so that it moves, and you can reprogram it a little so that you can move away from the spot you froze. Be kind to yourself and let go of those thoughts that are haunting you, step away from those self-criticism, know that you deserve gentleness. The King is abundant in finances, life experience, but I'd also like to add connections into this list. To be a King, you must have known to pull strings around to make things work, to make sure you win the trust of the people. To achieve that, you need good and skillful people who are willing to listen to your plans and to make them work. Those connections are what will help you throughout your difficult times. Sure, people may have turned you down in the past, but know that they may not be in any position to extend any help back then, and that things may be different now. They will be more capable now. Some… May have a really painful tongue, not filtering their words. But still, they will help, and you'll be surprised with what they're able to offer.

3. What to look forward to? - Ten of Cups rx

This… probably is not gonna sound ideal to a lot of people but… You can look forward to having a fresh start. It's like the cups you have are now poured clean, and you are forced to redo things again, to fill them up again but this time, you get to choose what you fill them up with. Previously, when you were growing up, people around you filled those cups for you, helping you make decisions (that you may not like or agree with), or even tainting them (putting droplets of other things in it), and those form you to who you are today. But, by pouring them clean (a very, very painful process), you are now able to pour and fill your cups with whatever you want and whatever you need. You'll be able to work with your dreams and spirit's energy to reach your highest good as you fiercely protect your cups, your energy, your life. Your life is now yours to write.

4. What have you left behind and grown from? - Three of Wands

It feels like you have left behind a lot of original plans that you have made for yourself in the past as you build yourself anew. There's a lot of internal cleansing done, and you've decided to start everything from scratch again. You'll be able to build things again and fully immerse yourself in a new future you'll create. You've learnt to grow from pain and to see the smaller happiness in life, learning to accept that growth is inevitable. Visualisation is also vital here, where you will need to immerse yourself in whatever you have now as you visualise where you will be standing in the future. You decide your own path, and you have to walk it.

5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - Ten of Swords rx

Things will start getting better once you pull out all the swords from your back. There's a lot of… Purging. Yeah, purging is a more suitable word to use for your situation. Your situation is like the shelf full of ceramic plates that will crash the moment you open that door. But you still need to open it, you'll need to let all of those fall, and you can clean it, to make space for new items to put in. You now can choose metal plates, or plastic plates to put in, whatever it is that you want. But first, you need to clean the space, only then you'll invite limitless magic into your life and allow your spirit guides to show up in unexpected ways. They are there for you, through a breeze, through a flyer, through a sudden noise to stop you from crossing the road. Once you've made space, that's when you'll get your justice by living your best self.

6. Advice for you - King of Wands rx, Strength rx, Six of Swords rx

There's another King card here, telling me that whatever you're going through right now is not an easy one. It probably will be there a little longer and it is what will help you to build up your upcoming new life, to start everything again. You will need to be at peace with yourself and be kind to yourself first.  Turn your strength and focus inwards, nurture yourself, and do not shy from cutting people out of your life if they drain you too much, even if they are family. You need to understand that you are your own universe, and you are your own priority. If you do not prioritise yourself, no one will. Others do not have that responsibility over you, so let yourself breathe. For now, heal your wounds, use it as your badge of honour, and live your life as how you see fit. Remember, it is you who define who you are, not your past.

Overall energy: Strength, Nine of Wands

There's a lot of strength in you, actually, just that you have not known how to work with it right now, not sure how to turn that strength for yourself. You have been resilient in everything you do, no matter how battered up you are, so let those tension fall from you. Sit down in peace and quiet as you receive the messages from your guides, letting them guide you through this time of difficulty. Trust your feelings, they know you better than yourself. Listen to your emotions, they understand your needs better. Act on them when needed, you will know when the timing is right.

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Pile 3

One Two cards to represent you: The Tower rx, The Chariot rx

I'm… Not exactly that surprised to see two cards falling out. The Tree in this image symbolises the Tree of Life as I was doing the reading, so some of you who picked this pile may be told that you guys are knowledgeable or do possess some extensive knowledge in very specific fields. And with this knowledge comes expectations, which can be seen with two cards falling out for you. With these two cards, what I'm immediately picking on is that… You are in a phase of life that can be quite challenging right now, where things that are beyond your control are happening almost all at once, and you're losing your balance as you continue to run on the uneven paths. You're growing exhausted as you're being chased with expectations and by your own sense of duty. So, please take a break when you need it.

1. Why have things happened? - Three of Pentacles rx

There have been conflicts going on with you and your social circles, may it be disagreements between classmates/colleagues, or getting shunned by them for not going along with them. There’s a slight hint of one being an outcast here. Correlating to the cards representing you, how you became an outcast is also due to what you're going through life right now, requiring you to put a hold onto a lot of other things, including assignments and/or socialisation, etc. Your intuition has been your assistant throughout these times of perils, and it's giving me that you do know how and why you're in a situation that's making you stagnant. Not sure if you are capable of breaking that ice or you're resting at the moment before you take the first step out. Either way, unlike most people, you know where you’re standing at right now, and you do know how to make changes towards a new you if needed.

2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - Three of Swords

This is probably a weird way to put it, but you need to use your pain as a tool to help you get back to the present. You may be able to perceive pain differently, like… It's to prove that you're still living, that you're still alive, and you still can make changes to the situation you're in. You need to remind yourself that you're beloved, and that the Universe loves you and is throwing hints at you through very… questionable ways. Trust your inner wisdom and intuition, let them guide you to where you're supposed to be. Oddly, I'd say that you have been through something similar before, but you kinda panicked when your previous methods no longer work for this situation. This is the time where you need to find a new method that will help you develop your senses, and for you to be at peace with yourself again. Coping mechanisms, but let it help you with more than just coping.

3. What to look forward to?- The Chariot rx

I'd say that things will slow down, not because the problems are resolved, but because the tires have worn out. Your nightmare and problems have also run out of strength to go after you, which gives you a quick chance to take a small break before you retreat to somewhere safer, where you build a new coping mechanism and possibly plans for the upcoming problems. I'd also say that this is a good time for you to make new connections that will be helpful in the long run. Don't worry about burdening others, as I believe that there will be a chance for you to help them back. Friendships and connections are mutual, where both parties benefit from them.  Not sure if you’re the type who’d welcome new changes. Nevertheless, challenges will be coming your way for you to level up. I’d say that these challenges are coming in a way where you’re capable of managing it. From there, you’ll experience a new sort of rebirth, and you’ll find a new identity that works with you better. 

4. What have you left behind and grown from? - King of Pentacles

I have no idea why but I'm sensing some… Familial relationships and expected duties? Most of you may be working with establishing healthy boundaries with your family, making sure that the roles are properly and fairly distributed. It also feels like… Financial responsibilities aren't yours alone, and the entire family will need to figure out how to contribute and prepare for any emergencies.  You’re now the King, where you have a comfortable relationship with your finances, knowing that it’s yours, your property, and you have every right to access it and to use it without guilt. There may be a chance where your family or extended relatives have guilt-tripped you to sacrifice or contribute to their needs, and you’re unapologetically free from those now. You now learn to trust your intuition more and let your inner wisdom guide you through your way subconsciously. It’s now a part of your life where you don’t really need to sit and listen, as you’re driving on auto-pilot by your subconsciousness.

5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - The Sun rx

I'd say that things will start getting better at unexpected times, or even at times when you can't see hope. The Sun is unable to shine on all people, it's unable to pierce through thick walls, but it doesn't mean it's not there. The Sun here feels mellow, like it's keeping its warmth and heat in check to not burn the other living beings that it's feeding.  There’s also another message here that is assuring you that good things take time, and that you’ll need to be kind to yourself so that those blessings arrive and you’re ready to receive them wholeheartedly. The entire thing is a journey, and the roads can be bumpy. But still, what matters is the journey and you’re able to reach your final goal in a good condition, so take your time as you tread through those paths. Once you start walking and taking action, luck will fall by your side and accompany you through this journey.

6. Advice for you - Nine of Pentacles rx, Knight of Wands, Knight of Cups

You may be using your time unwisely by focusing on things that do not exactly benefit you. I’m not saying that you can’t, but you need to set your priorities straight and know what is the final goal of your actions. You may start a project that requires you to invest and purchase tools, when you’re rushing a deadline that’s gonna affect your assignment and final’s results. By doing this, you’re in a way, not planning well. Sure, you get your emotional fulfilment, but it also comes at the price of you failing your semester (touchwood). Passion projects can be fun, but you need to plan your time well, plan your resources well, plan your enthusiasm as well. The planning happens behind closed doors. Others will see how well you portray yourself and be drawn to you, but you need to remember the need for continuous effort for you to achieve the best results. The public, or people around you may gather around you because of how well you have a grip over yourself, and once things have calmed down, feel free to let yourself loose a little. People will show up around you, and it’s totally fine for you to enjoy the attention and affection. You just need to remember how much you’ve put in to build yourself, and not let others take you for granted, or to take advantage of your skills or what you have to offer.

Overall energy: Strength, Four of Wands rx

Strength and beauty comes in all forms possible, even through pain and tears. This is something that you’ll be learning to accept through this difficult time. Most of us may understand the beauty and appeal of pain, but not many can accept it. Whatever we’re going through right now makes us learn and accept it, to come to terms with it. Of course, changes come along with it and we will need to learn to adapt to it, to build a “New You” as you face the upcoming challenges. Know that whatever you’re doing right now is a pre-requirement for you to achieve your dreams. You are your own world, and you can change the world as you grace the strong wind standing your way.

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Pile 4

One card to represent you: The Devil

What I’m feeling here is that you tend to have a certain level of control over some things in your life. The control here isn’t exactly pleasant, where it may be imbalanced and there can be some arguments going on. Temptations are heard as well. You know you’re stuck in some loop where you can’t escape, and you have no intention of escaping. The picture for this pile is somehow giving me Sex and The City vibes, where the neon lights (benefits, financial resources, interests) have been the focus of your sight, and this allows you to have a different perspective, or for you to see things differently from your peers.

1. Why have things happened? - Strength rx

You have lost strength, internal strength mainly. You were not surrounded by those who supported you, and your energy was depleted bit by bit as you tried to fit in. You have put yourself in a position where you depend on the actions and feelings of others, and you may have given up on your instinctive responses, not having the self-discipline and control you need. The Lion is your passion, and it’s now your enemy, threatening to destroy whatever stability and name you’ve built. Imagine a woman trying to tame the agitated lion and the two ended up in a fight, while the spectators (wrong group of friends) by the side just watched. 

2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - Knight of Swords

You’ll need to start taking care of yourself, listen to yourself. You’re a person who prides your intelligence, and you tend to be in your own head a lot. However, you’ve listened to the noises out there that have affected you in a negative way. Not to say that you’re supposed to go back into the state of being in your own headspace, but for you to pay attention to yourself more, to listen to the voices of your heart instead of the external noises. You’ve always been head>heart, and now you’ll need to go head<heart. You may not like how different this… new routine is, but you will also know that it has to be done, as you’ve been seeing messages of this “new path” around. Balancing out the heart voices and head nagging is important, and this is how you shall start.  You also need to remember you yourself, are the source of everything essentially you. You build yourself; you create yourself. You are not built on the words or acceptance of others. You need to remind yourself that you are already doing well, and the expectations of others are not yours to bear.

3. What to look forward to? - Ace of Wands

New beginnings come with changes. Once you’ve chosen a different voice to listen to, you’ll be able to regain energy, bit by bit, to attempt more changes in your life. Opportunities will surely come your way when you accept the positive energy around you, and it’s up to you to seize them and make them work. It’s a time for you to follow your instincts and have courage. Take action when you need them.  That aside, it’s suggested that you return to your roots as you venture through this bright explosion of good energy. Remember the importance of grounding yourself and go back to the basics from time to time. It’s not only to cleanse your heart, but also serves as a reminder of where you came from, and how you need to be in touch with your past and nature.

4. What have you left behind and grown from? - Six of Wands

What I’m seeing here is that you’ve put down the yearn and drive for fame and luxuries, and have redefined success for yourself. You’ve awakened from the past and start to feel more energised, learning to start your days in a better mood as you count your victories. More people are recognizing your achievements as they approach you with interest.  As you compare what you had and what you’re having now (or will be having in the future), you’ll be able to evaluate better and have a clearer idea of the direction you want to take next. You are warned of self-doubt and lack of confidence. You have to believe in your abilities and worth so people can trust you, so that you can trust and confide in yourself.

5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - Eight of Wands

Eight of Wands is a card that talks about movements. Once you’re moving, once you’re taking action, that’s when you’ll see things turning out different for you. You’ll start to receive things or messages that you’ve been waiting for, and it’s time for you to stop stalling. If you’re interested in someone, you will have to walk towards them and work for it. You’ll be able to attract a loving, happy, fulfilling relationship into your life as you’re no longer the old you. Remember, birds of the same kind flock together, and the same goes with people too. You attract people of your level. You want that person who’s active and charming? Be proactive in approaching them.  Your justice will come in unexpected forms, but most of it would be releasing of past hurt. There will be times where you’ll want to hug yourself to sleep as you were reminded of how things have been difficult. This is one of the healing phases where you slowly let things go. The lighter you are, the better you become. This is also because the karma of those who’ve wronged you will not be tied to you anymore.

6. Advice for you - The Star, King of Cups rx, Nine of Cups

Rebuild yourself. This probably sounds difficult and too… idealised? But this is what you need to do. The Star is there to tell you that there’s a silver lining behind every grey cloud, that you’re not broken beyond repair, and that you’re able to work yourself up to another peak. This card is an extremely gentle card, so take that message and be gentle to yourself as well. You’ll need to practise self-compassion, listen to your inner feelings, cultivate yourself and let yourself grow into your very best self. Love others by first loving yourself, don’t forget about the promises you’ve made to yourself.  Make new and healthy connections as you flourish. If you wish for them, they’ll come into your life. Learn to be content with the gifts you’re having everyday, learn to hold gratitude with what the Earth is offering you. With the amount of Cups here, try getting close to bodies of water (beach, sea, waterfall, etc). Water may be a healing element for you. Alternatively, try doing activities that are related to creativity (crafting, writing, drawing, or something that’s symbolistic) as they can be an outlet of your heart’s wants, which you can understand better from the results of your craft. Remember to stay hydrated too.

Overall energy: Justice, Eight of Swords

Justice is really your theme right now. You’ve been choosing to run away from the obvious, but it’s high time that you wake up, pull down the blinds that have been covering your eyes and to see the truth for who he is. The first action needed for every awakening is to open your eyes and acknowledge whatever that has been going wrong. Only then you’re able to take action towards a better situation. You’ll need to open up your heart and invite new changes in, welcome new beginnings in. The theme of Justice can be difficult and painful, but it’s necessary for you as you transform bit by bit, cutting down the vines that have been tying you down, severing unhealthy ties that have been binding you down (refer to The Devil). Get back your own autonomy, treat yourself right, let justice be served on who deserves them.

[cheshiresense]

Starrk time travels with Ichigo to TBTP is everything I never knew I needed! The pain of surviving again, of still being too strong to die- to give up and rest with Shunsui is chef’s kiss beautiful.

I have questions, ideas, thoughts- feel free to ignore any of them lol. First is do you think Hollows/Arrancars have pack instincts/pack bonds. I can imagine the horrible aching emptiness of reaching for friends and family who aren’t there anymore. Pack is forever, should be forever- but now they have to go on looking in the faces of people who loved them once and see nothing in their eyes. No pack bond or instincts that used to link them.

Second is do you think Starrk and Ichigo would eventually start napping together once they settle in a bit more? Starrk might be able to control it now, but I feel like there would be something reassuring about the fact that Ichigo could take it, wouldn’t buckle under the pressure. And then there’s the fact they’re the only ones who know, who understand the weight of it all.

Third is do you have an idea of who you’d ship Ichigo with in this au? I myself am partial to Koyonagi, but I can also see Shinji noticing something off and prowling around like the big cat he pretends he isn’t to investigate. I also imagine that not a few people would assume Starrk and Ichigo are in a relationship lol.

Lastly is I think it would be really interesting if Starrk and Ichigo ended up in the same division, especially since the draw to join the Eighth would be even more tempting. Do you think they’d stick together or try to spread out to be able to investigate/access more.

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! And I haven't even gotten to the ShunStarrk parts yet but the prospect of it is incentive to write more lmao.

This got a bit long so I'll shove it under the cut:

1) I haven't thought much on this particular aspect of Hollows, although I do see it around a lot, it seems a pretty common headcanon. I def do think they have pack instincts, because even in canon you see Harribel and Grimmjow and others forming "packs" but idk if I'd go all the way to pack bonds. For me it would prob depend on where I want to take that particular fic. In this AU, I imagine Hollows do have pack instincts (again, that's basically canon) and Hollows in general are more sensitive to the reiatsu of pack members, but Starrk's gone so long without them that he's used to the pain of not having anyone. Plus he's like part wolf so I think that makes it worse, but after a thousand years he's probably numb to it. Then of course he got Shunsui for a while, and I imagine he kind of adopted the Fourth as his own and probably a few other Shinigami he'd grown close to, and now all of them are gone. He's in the same situation as Ichigo and grieving that loss, but it prob also feels physically worse for him. He knows what it's like to have pack now, and then he loses them all, and yeah he can sense Shunsui's reiatsu signature halfway across the Seireitei, and half the Fourth is a comfortable bubble at the edge of his awareness, but at the same time, they're not the same and his instincts can tell that too, so it's basically just a constant reminder of everything he no longer has. But he has a thousand years of experience at ignoring this sort of thing, and it's easy to fall back on it, he has to fall back on it because it's not like he can do anything about it anyway. His people, his pack, are gone, and like all the other things he was never able to change over the course of his long life, he can only resign himself to it and shoulder it as best he can.

But Shunsui in particular is a relentless ache in his chest, at the back of his mind, in the pulse of his very reiatsu, like pressure on a bruise on the days he can force himself to ignore it, like a gushing wound when he can't. It's still okay when he's at the Academy and doesn't actually have to see the man. Then Ichigo goes and picks up a stray who just so happens to be Shunsui's family, damn you too Mimihagi may you suffer from carpal tunnel for the rest of eternity, and because his luck has never been what anyone would call good, Starrk's practically expecting it the first time Ichigo awkwardly pesters him into joining their tutoring sessions behind the Eighth Division compound because Ichigo's excellent at Shunpou but he's never quite managed Yoruichi's flawless execution of it, and even before they'd become allies, Starrk's Sonido had been her equivalent, which had seamlessly translated over to Hohou once he'd gained the ability to learn it. Fujiwara's decent enough at it for an Academy student, but still far too slow for Ichigo's liking and also stupidly clumsy and Ichigo can't for the life of him figure out why, so can Starrk please come take a look and see if he can spot the problem or just tell him that there is no problem and all Academy students are just hopeless like this. Starrk wants to say no, but for all that Ichigo gets irritated with his own family for not being able to take no for an answer, the kid himself is actually no better than them, he's just a little more self-conscious about it, but the family resemblance is definitely there beyond just the appearance. Repeatedly refusing would take energy Starrk doesn't have, and he supposes it's nice too to see Ichigo starting to make friends again in this time period, starting to look past his grief. Starrk knows if he really puts his foot down, Ichigo will back off, but he doesn't want to set the kid back in case Ichigo gets the idea to also return to being a perpetual shut-in just because Starrk is, and if that means indulging Ichigo's whims, then so be it. He'd been sent back to serve as babysitter anyway so he may as well do the whole thing properly. And because his luck is just like that, the first time he goes, he finds that Ichigo has already somehow managed to lure his nosy Shiba cousin, his cousin's captain, and the Eighth Division captain Starrk's Shinigami but no he isn't not really not anymore never again to the training grounds even though it's the middle of the afternoon and they should all be at work. At least, judging by the disgruntled expression on Ichigo's face, this hadn't been Ichigo's idea of a good time either. Familiar grey eyes meet his from across the clearing, and for a moment, Starrk is certain someone's ripped his heart out again, leaving only an empty gaping hole in its wake once more, but a thousand times worse than it had ever felt when he'd still been just a Hollow and had never known anything else.

-

2) Honestly Ichigo already spends like 70% of his time in Starrk's room, his own is there just to gather dust and like fake out Kaien cuz the guy either hasn't thought to or at least still has enough manners to refrain from invading Starrk's room too (for now). So like two weeks into the Academy and Ichigo spending five days out of seven crashing on Starrk's floor, Starrk just gives up and goes out to buy an extra futon (and even more pillows because he's a pillow fiend and you can never have too many in his opinion) and Ichigo basically moves in after that. It's definitely comforting for both of them to have the other close by, especially Ichigo because his reikaku abilities are still hit or miss some days. Starrk can relax because his control hasn't been anything less than perfect since his Aizen days but occasionally he still worries about slipping up, except Ichigo is one of the few who can bear the brunt of it so it wouldn't matter even if he does. And Ichigo can relax because he's never really been one for subterfuge, it's actually killing him a little that he can't just bust out his Bankai and either beat Aizen to death or beat some sense into him over the skies of Soul Society like the good old days, but there's nothing he has to hide from Starrk, and Starrk's one of the ones - the only one left now - who's seen Ichigo at his very worst, and likewise it would take a lot of conscious effort on his part to actually hurt Starrk. Lashing out in the midst of a nightmare would wake Starrk but otherwise wouldn't even make him blink.

They can lower their guard around each other in a way they can't anywhere else outside of their room, and with Starrk's habit of carpeting most of the floor with soft things to sleep on, it's only natural to go to sleep next to each other and wake up - in the middle of the night or in the early morning when dawn hasn't even broken yet because it's easier to stare at the ceiling than spend another minute dreaming of faces they'll never truly see again - the same way. Neither of them really moves much when unconscious, and their instincts mark each other as safe, so these days, they sleep best in each other's company.

(This aches too though, sometimes, even though Starrk won't ever voice such a thing out loud. But sleeping with someone else beside him, even when they don't touch beyond an accidental brush of shoulders or a nightmare-fueled flail of a limb digging into his gut, reminds him of another warm body he'd spent close to a decade sleeping beside, half-draped over him or plastered against his back or letting him curl around them in return. It's another thing he'll never have again, but that's hardly Ichigo's fault, and he knows the kid doesn't do well alone either - who in this world does? - so Starrk's hardly going to say anything that would definitely chase Ichigo away because the kid's stupid like that. He locks the sense-memories behind his teeth instead, even when it keeps him up all night or wakes him in the morning just to make him feel like shit all over again when he remembers where and when he is. And it's not always bad. In this era, Ichigo is the only truly familiar thing that doesn't make Starrk's instincts bristle, which means he can sleep more deeply than he would allow himself anywhere else, and that's a comfort in and of itself.)

-

3) This I actually don't know, even in SP I don't really have a ship for Ichigo. But ship candidates are a dime a dozen for him lol. Kisuke's always my go-to for him but I guess he hasn't really been that prominent, although I can def steer things that way. I've written a few KoyoIchi so that's def also a possibility. Shinji is equally likely, and if they could give past!Aizen future!Aizen's memories, I could even pull off AiIchi, although if they could do that, I'd just do the same with Shunsui and then we would have less angst lmao. And it might be weird but I'm not opposed to Ichigo/Asuka but in a platonic neither of us are interested in other ppl and don't want to be bothered by marriage offers so let's just get engaged and it'll even be good for clan politics close friends sort of way. They might develop feelings for each other sometime down the road, but arranged marriage AU would be how it would start (this is actually a wip idea I've had for a long time that I've just never written). Also I just feel like Starrk would be vaguely amused by how they both got attached to Kyourakus (or Kyouraku-adjacent I guess), like what is it about that family 😂 But yeah nothing really concrete yet. Ppl might assume that Starrk and Ichigo are a thing because Ichigo doesn't hang out with anyone else at first, and Starrk basically only leaves school grounds to accompany Ichigo somewhere, but I imagine that would clear up after like thirty minutes of watching them interact, esp once Rangiku and Asuka and Gin are more permanent fixtures in their group and Starrk's just trailing after them like a long-suffering dad, the generational gap would be pretty obvious.

-

4) Oh man I've definitely thought about this. So unlike SP where Ichigo's like It Is My Duty To Go To The Fifth Just To Keep An Eye On Aizen's Shenanigans Even If That Means Self-Inflicted Emotional Torture The Entire Time, Starrk puts a stop to that nonsense in this AU. He doesn't actually care where Ichigo wants to go, Ichigo can take care of himself even if Aizen breaks cover and goes all traitor on them a hundred years early, and he's not here to tell the kid what to do anyway, but when Ichigo's waffling between the Eighth or the Fifth, and it becomes pretty fucking clear that he only wants to go to the Fifth because he thinks he has to, because there's no other way to keep track of Aizen, and he starts getting tunnel vision the way he does when he's brooding and obsessing over protecting people, that's when Starrk steps in.

"It's one thing if you want to go because you want to," Starrk says, watching the kid pace their room like a caged tiger. "But I don't think you do, not with the way you behave around Hirako. Besides, are you even going to be able to get anything done when you'll be constantly stressed out by being so close to Aizen?" He pauses, then adds with a ghost of a smile, "And then there's the fact that you're a really bad liar."

Ichigo swings around to splutter indignantly at him. "I am not! I can lie!"

Starrk shrugs. "Good enough to fool Hirako and Aizen when they'll be right there observing you up close every single day?"

Ichigo opens his mouth, then closes it again. Good, at least he's self-aware.

Starrk lets him think it over for a moment, tracking the conflicted shift of emotions across Ichigo's face - and he wants to play spy in front of the likes of Aizen like this? - before continuing quietly, "This is it, you know."

Ichigo blinks at him, thrown by the non-sequitur.

Starrk sighs and leans back against the windowsill at his back, slanting his gaze to the sky outside, winter-pale but clear. "What we're doing--it isn't a job with an end date. We don't get to go back home once we're done. There's no home to go back to."

In his peripheral, Ichigo is suddenly very still.

"This is it," Starrk repeats without taking his eyes off the distant horizon. "And you gain nothing from focusing all your energy on one man who won't even be showing his hand anytime soon. If anything, finding out you're suspicious of him will only move up his timeline or cause him to do something drastic, and then we might not be able to predict him at all. And that's not even getting into what the Quincy might do if you show your hand too soon, with or without their king. But even that's beside the point."

He turns back to Ichigo, taking in the weary grief in the furrow of his brow and the bitter curve of his mouth, and he knows Ichigo already understands. Still, he finishes as gently as he knows how, "This is where we live now, and maybe it isn't home yet, but maybe it's time to start thinking about what it will take to make it one. How do you want to live, Ichigo? Once everything is over, what kind of life will you have built for yourself by then? Or will you let Aizen dictate that too?"

A minute flinch ripples across Ichigo's shoulders. Starrk presses on, as ruthless as he'd learned from Aizen, from Shunsui even more. "Will you let him hound you all the way to your final grave? Or will you let Yhwach do it again? Your mother died to save you. Your friends died protecting you. Is their love for you only worth yet another suicide run at a bunch of madmen and would-be-gods? Do you think that this was all you were worth to them?"

Ichigo flinches again, and for a split second, his expression scrunches like he wants to take a swing at Starrk.

Starrk waits him out, because Ichigo isn't an idiot, but sometimes, it's like he just can't understand certain things without them being spelled out for him. And some things, Starrk thinks, should be heard, should be said.

He wonders if anyone's ever told this kid that he's allowed to live for himself too.

(He also wonders how much of a hypocrite every word coming out of his mouth right now is going to make him in the future.

But it's different, with Ichigo. Starrk is over a thousand years old. At this point, going to his grave isn't a big deal. But Ichigo hasn't even reached three decades, and he's spent a solid ten of those years on one battlefield or another. If one of them has to die at the end of all this, it definitely shouldn't be Ichigo.

This kid needs to learn how to live. There's no time like the present to start, and if that means Starrk has to hit where it hurts, well, infections must be lanced sooner or later.)

At last, Ichigo's shoulders slump, and he deflates like a balloon, anger and hurt deserting him, leaving only exhaustion in their wake.

"Sometimes, you sound so much like Kyouraku-san it's scary," Ichigo informs him, flopping bonelessly onto a nearby pile of pillows.

Starrk says nothing. If that had been meant to hurt, well, he probably deserves it.

"Aizen does need to be watched," Ichigo persists, but he sounds almost relieved at the possibility that he won't have to be the one to do it.

Starrk grunts dismissively. "I can sense him from here. I know when he's in his office, and when he leaves a double and takes off for Rukongai. I think that's enough for now."

Ichigo's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "His hypnosis isn't affecting you?"

Starrk tips a glance at him. "The soul remembers. It doesn't affect you either, does it?"

"That's true," Ichigo concedes. "But wait, did he never show you his Shikai? Or you touched his blade somehow?"

"My reiatsu ate it," Starrk summarizes succinctly, then clarifies with a flicker of exasperation at the wide-eyed look he gets, "His hypnosis, not his blade. He never put much effort into hypnotizing the Espada, just enough to make sure we'd obey without too much fuss. And when it comes down to it, even Zanpakutou abilities is just reiatsu cast in a specific shape. It was easy enough to get rid of it after I was whole again."

He thinks of Lilynette and breathes through that particular ache, old now, more scar than open wound, but there all the same.

Ichigo makes a comprehending sound. "That's pretty handy. Can your reiatsu eat it if it's cast on someone else?"

Starrk nods. He'd done as much for Shunsui, and a few others as necessary. Aizen had never been able to affect the Captain-Commander again after he'd been let out of Muken. And for all that they'd been nominally on the same side, Aizen had actually tried a few times. Starrk thinks he'd probably just wanted to see if he could, because after each attempt, he'd turn and look at Starrk with something like amusement and something like contempt.

(Once, he'd remarked in private that Starrk certainly had a preference for kneeling at the feet of Shinigami masters, and he'd asked what made Shunsui the better one to serve, if perhaps he also should've forced Starrk to spread his legs for him, if that would've succeeded in breaking Starrk further, in making him even more eager to please, as much as Shunsui had clearly accomplished with him.

Shunsui had overheard. On hindsight, Starrk's fairly certain Aizen had wanted him to, had waited for him to get close enough to hear everything, though for what purpose even Starrk hadn't been able to figure out, because the resulting confrontation hadn't been pretty. It'd been one of the few times Starrk had seen his Shinigami lose his temper, his wrath a silent deadly creature no one would expect, and in that moment, the shadows around them had almost devoured Aizen whole. They'd certainly left their mark in the aftermath, Aizen's flesh cracked open with scars as black as the void. Even then, Starrk doesn't think Aizen had truly been intimidated, but he'd also never said another word of the sort to Starrk ever again.)

"I'd have to get closer to detect his more intricate workings," Starrk admits. "But I think between that and being able to sense him, it's enough of a safeguard without needing to join the Fifth as well. There isn't much of a point to that anyway. It's not like we don't already have a general idea of what he's doing, or where he's doing it. He isn't the sort to leave evidence lying around either so I doubt you'd be able to gather any."

He glances at Ichigo again, finally letting himself relax when he sees the kid nodding along, albeit with a rather grumpy expression.

"For now," Starrk concludes. "It's best to establish our presence here in this time, make connections, make allies, and eventually make sure we have enough people on our side to tip the scales in our favour. Aizen is one thing, but even the two of us can't take down the entire Wandenreich on our own. When the time comes, there must be people willing to believe us even without concrete proof of the Quincy's existence."

He catches Ichigo's eye, intent to get this point across, if nothing else. "No matter how powerful, there is only so much one can do alone. And you are not alone, Ichigo."

Ichigo's face crumples a little, and for a half a heartbeat, Starrk is terrified he's about to cry. Thankfully, that doesn't happen, and a moment later, Ichigo nods, his eyes a little brighter now, his shoulders a little less weighed down.

"Okay," Ichigo says decisively. "Then… I think I want to go to the Eighth." He smiles a bit wryly. "You're both bastards, but somehow, I like that about you guys. And if it's Kyouraku-san, it wouldn't be hard to work under his command."

He stops and grows more solemn, his gaze a little too sympathetic this time. "Will you join the Eighth too?"

"No," Starrk doesn't hesitate. He's already thought about it, had already made up his mind months ago, even before he'd met Shunsui again. His answer had only cemented further after meeting him. Besides, "I'm going to the Fourth."

He thinks of the agreement he'd hashed out with Mimihagi. He thinks of one of the things that had immediately come to mind when time travel of all things had been proposed to him. He thinks of the things he can do, the things he can create.

He thinks of the life he'd bargained for.

"Back in our time," Starrk only says in the end, meeting Ichigo's gaze calmly. "I was told by everyone who knew her that Unohana-taichou was the best healer in living memory. Now she is alive again, so that's what I want. I want to learn from her."

Ichigo snickers, oblivious. "Well, you are a huge medical nerd so I should've known. So long as you're happy I guess. Try not to take over the division again within the year. I wouldn't bet on your odds against Unohana-san."

Starrk rolls his eyes because honestly Kotetsu had practically gift-wrapped her division for him, he hadn't meant to take over, he hadn't even been a halfway respectable healer at the time, he'd just been strong, with the manpower to support the actual healers, and apparently, that'd been enough. He'd been horrified when Shunsui had sided with them.

Ichigo laughs outright, Starrk shakes his head, and with their choices made, the future begins to take shape once more.

[missingininaction]

alright, friends, i might say something you don't like but i think it's important. not just to defend a character, but because i think this is literally making people's experience and relationship with this game worse.

give jimmy like two seconds to exist.

by hating jimmy so much you refuse to even say his name, and judge real, living people for liking him, you are cheapening your experience by boiling down the main character to the most ~yuckiest~ moments. and, by not making a seperate space for hating on him, you are drowning out the voices of people who actually have nuanced things to say about his character. you know, the skilled writers and artists that feed the fandom? limitation is what kills fandoms, you have to know that.

is jimmy a good person? no. is he a good captain/companion/worker? Absolutely Not! he crumbles like dust under any pressure and he immediately shifts blame off of himself, he is an actively harmful individual and it's right to be upset by his actions. i literally had to stop myself from saying "man FUCK jimmy." multiple times because i didn't want to spoil how terrible he got to my friends when i showed the game to them.

but you have to understand; people are more than their actions. thats part of the entire point of the game. thats why its so abstract. you are meant to think about the nuances of their situation.

we can agree that anya was way more as a woman than what happened to her and what she did as a result of it, right? that despite her best efforts, she was a victim of circumstance, and she deserves to be understood and analyzed fully?

then why, seeing a fictional man who has done immoral things, are you so disgusted you won't even draw, write or discuss him outside of hate? what is that doing for you, to ignore literally the main character of the game because of his actions?

now, this is not to say people can't hate jimmy. i understand it! as someone who has been a victim of s/a and abuse, i understand if you hate him and are even triggered by him to the point of avoiding mention of him. (but...why are you in this fandom? ((not aggressive im genuinely asking)))

you can feel however you want about any character, my goal is not to control people. but i thought it was common knowledge to not hatepost about someone in their tag? over actual insight into his character and, you know, the main themes of the game?

jimmy is a man who has struggled his whole life. both him and curly confirm that in the game. he's unable to control his emotional outbursts, and he likely had no idea what to expect from being in fucking SPACE for over a year with people he probably didn't even know before that trip. and pony express and their corporate safety corner cutting certainly didnt help, did it?

for one reason or another, he most likely was never actually taught how to manage his emotions. that's just how it is sometimes, growing up as a man. and it would make sense if he was forced to deal with everything himself, no? he always complains, but he still says he'll handle it. because that's what he's always had to do. and this is just the start of what i could say about what made him the way that he is.

he's a victim too, not only of his own actions.

surprise surprise, people who do awful things can also be victims.

honestly, this entire situation baffles me. how are you going to avoid one of the main characters of the game, let alone the one you play as ninety percent of the time? mind you, curly is also guilty, and i am happy to see at least some people giving him space for nuance. because he is also a victim!!! why is it so impossible to see jimmy as nuanced, when literally every other character also has incredible depth to them??

you're tarnishing and spitting on the beautiful writing of this game just because one character is too icky for you to feel comfortable thinking about for too long. it's horror, you absolute morons. it's supposed to make you uncomfortable.

if you hate jimmy, i dont blame you. but please, please, make your own space for it. be kind to people who want to explore jimmy and the darker themes, and like him for what his character represents. this is a video game fandom, not a witch hunt. and please, learn some fandom etiquette while you're at it, okay? okay. thank you

also just say his name. its not a slur youre not gonna go to hell if you say jimmy. like this isn't as important but still it just feels like a microcosm of this whole thing.

[albaskies]

hehe i loved your short hinny fic!! it was soo great!! ❤️❤️❤️ can you please write another hinny fic, maybe hbp and include lots of yearning from harry 🙈🙈 whether that yearning is satisfied is completely up to you!!

thank you so much, anon, that's very kind ❤️ i managed to scramble something up based on your prompt, and had lots of fun doing it. i couldn't make hbp work, so i hope you don't mind i went with early dh instead. i hope you enjoy some angsty yearning courtesy of our very own hj potter!

***

Don’t look at her.

Harry repeats those words to himself like a mantra as he absent-mindedly stacks different kinds of desserts on his plate. The air under the marquee has become thicker now that several guests have stood up to dance, and Harry has started to feel very uncomfortable in Barny Weasley’s sweatier-than-normal body.

He grunts at the dessert selection available on the buffet table, wondering what kind of boring wedding does not serve treacle tart. But then again, he has never been to a wedding before, so what does he know, really.

He walks away in search of somewhere to sit down, carefully trying to shut down his peripheral vision, his gaze dutifully fixed right in front of him. 

Don’t look at her.

Since after the ceremony, he has decided to avoid looking at the dance floor at all costs. He is convinced this is the safest way to keep his mind clear. without being distracted by stupid promises made to stupid best mates, or by the temptation to throttle big-headed Quidditch players - nobody in particular, of course.

He slouches in the first empty chair he finds, his eyes focused on his plate and the assortment of sweets he is never going to eat. He nervously starts drumming with his fingers on the table, while conversation and laughter bubble all around him.

He could take a look at the dancefloor, he reckons, just to check that Ron and Hermione have not started bickering. A quick peek won’t hurt anybody, right?

Do not. Look. At her.

Except that he cannot not look at her. He cannot help but make silly excuses to steal a glance at her every now and then; he cannot help but look for her in the colourful crowd. He cannot help but know exactly where she is under the marquee, even when he is talking to somebody else, when he is eating a bite, or when she is joining Luna in her extravagant dance.

Because Ginny is pure, burning light. He is drawn to her like a flower is drawn to the sun, and he does not know how to contain this dangerous feeling building up in his chest. It’s powerful, urgent, and it makes his heart ache like never before. 

Defeated by his own sorry arse, he looks up and quickly scans the room, trying to convince himself that he is actually checking on Ron and Hermione. He is not fooling anyone, really. 

It only takes him a split second to find her. Because this time she is not talking to somebody else, or eating a bite, or dancing with Luna. This time she is right there in front of him. No, she is actually walking towards him.

Oh bloody hell.

The room seems to blur around her, its noise and chaos fading to a hum as Harry helplessly watches her drawing closer and closer.

He wishes he had the strength to stop her, he really does. But there’s only so much that a man can do when the woman he loves is walking towards him surrounded by that golden aura of light, so painfully beautiful, so painfully real.

She sits in the empty chair right next to him. She doesn't say anything, and yet he understands everything. 

Silence has always been easy with Ginny. It has been easy for longer than he can remember. 

He really should have known, the miserable prat. He should have known that love is a quiet, secret language shared through the simplest of glances. Love is moving together without speaking and understanding each other in a way that no one else ever could. He should have known that clammy hands, fumbling conversations and awkward silences over hot chocolate at Madam Puddifoot’s are an absolute pile of nothing compared to this.

And yet - he couldn’t have known, could he, that he would have found love in a hard, blazing gaze, in the sweet sound of laughter lingering in the air, in little elbows and butter dishes, in a gloriously setting sun. Maybe the realisation would not have struck him so hard, if he had. And maybe, with Ginny, he cannot have it in any other way.

He does not know for how long they remain sitting like that, a foot from each other, without uttering a single word. Their bodies are not remotely touching, and yet he feels engulfed by her, by her flowery scent, by her blazing and unwavering light. Their bodies are not even touching, and yet he feels her warmth everywhere on his body, under his skin, brushing his soul.

The other guests might think he looks like a miserable sod, stiffly glued to his chair just to be around her, just to drink her in for one more minute.

Or maybe they just think he is the weird cousin who creeps on younger girls at family functions. Whatever. He is not even sure he cares.

After all, she has not left yet. She is, too, sitting there on the edge of her chair, incapable of walking away. She stays, and that’s all that matters to him.

A sudden glint of yellow, and Harry notices Luna waving at Ginny from the crowd, calling her to the dance floor. 

They both sigh. The spell of silent and blissful oblivion around them is broken once again.

‘I think I’m going to join Luna,’ Ginny says quietly. 

He is so grateful, like a pathetic, smitten idiot, to hear her voice again. Even if what she says rips a hole through his heart.

When she finally does get up from her chair, it looks like she is wearing a weighted vest around her shoulders. He feels something breaking inside of him.

‘Oh.’ He chokes, clears his throat. ‘Yeah. Have fun.’

Her beautiful, sad eyes linger on him for a moment too long before she gives him a curt nod, and slowly walks away.

What a stupid thing to say, he tells himself. What a stupid, idiotic thing to say, when all he should have done instead was ask her, please stay. Please don’t go, please don’t leave me. I can’t bear to be away from you, I just can’t let you go. I’m sorry. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. I am so sorry.

A miserable man, he is. A miserable, miserable man who is about to go on a suicide mission but has to push away the only person who makes him feel truly invincible. 

Would it be so bad to dive into the crowd, grab her hand, hold her close to his chest, and drown in that blissful oblivion again? Would it be so bad to kiss her soft, burning red lips, traumatising all the guests and the Weasleys together, hearing someone try and remedy the scandal by explaining that Oh but he’s not really a cousin, you know, more of a distant relative.

Maybe he really should go in there, ask her to run away with him and be just the two of them forever, forget about Dumbledore’s instructions, sod all this Chosen One nonsense. Choose his own happiness, just this once.

But then a silver lynx brings the news that the Ministry’s fallen and chaos unravels. He later ends up wondering to himself if those stupid, idiotic words will be the last ones he will ever say to her.

[the-main-daine]

Life Series Character Renders:

Featuring Martyn, Mumbo and Pearl

(I actually have quite a lot to say about two of these this time.)

Martyn:

Human.... ish. Hear me out on this one:

So Martyn has this fascinating background lore to the Life Series called Watcher/Eyes and Ears Lore. I'm quietly obsessed with this.

I love watching his lore streams after every series, and have come up with a few theories on my own: His thumbnails are always fully illustrated, so his character has a canon 'look' for every season, which I think is just, deeply cool.

But in his lore, there's also this space between SMPs, where the Watchers kind of... hold people until they can be used again. And since Martyn is the protagonist of the very cool story he's writing, I got it in my head that in this space between, Martyn isn't QUITE human. Maybe he was at one point.

Maybe he never was, I don't know.

But alongside all the cracks and stuff that have started to show up on his body; there's seams along the joints, and light shining within, as he starts to become more befitting as a vessel.

A vessel for what? No idea. I probably won't be drawing all those seams in any fanart comics of the series themselves - I imagine they get covered up when he's sent out into the world to interact with others in various SMPs - but I thought the idea was too cool not to draw at least once.

As a past winner, he gets his crown, and the burning eye of Mars by his name.

Mumbo:

Vampire Mumbo!

I know he doesn't have the grey streak in his life series skin but I love it too much I'm keeping it forever.

It makes him look so much more threatening and serious than he is.

Poor Mumbo. I was really rooting for you buddy. Better luck next series!

At least he still does damage with those End Crystals.

Pearl:

A lunar moth

As a winner, she gets her crown, and she gets her moon.

I'm not going to lie I want that lunar moth hoodie more than anything.

I had a lot of fun with Pearl: Her skin design is so simple (Well, maybe not this season, but usually) that it leaves so much room to interpret it. She's always going around with dogs, making her wolfish would've been really easy, but I think Moth suits her more.

There's a lot of mythology with moths being a little off kilter, mad, or leading people to madness that I think fits with Pearl's tendency to be a little bit of a loose canon, wild and unpredictable. Like a moth's flight patterns.

Red Hood Pearl had to put in an appearance here, especially with how it's sort of creeping to overtake her in Wild Life this season, and she just gets so earnestly threatening when she's on a red life despite still being all smiles and all laughs.

Unlike Gem or Cleo, I think there's an edge to Pearlie Pop on red that just reminds me of a horror monster, in the best, best, best way.

I haven't figured out heights but she's also the tallest.

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Chapter 1 - I Saw You In The Water

Read on A03!

Mini-Series Masterlist

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, Sam Winchester/Reader (platonic), angst, very light fluff, mutual pining, Dean's got the Mark of Cain, uh oh.

Summary/Warnings:

Author's Note: I'm trying to distract myself from life, so here. Have a miniseries!

Title from Cringe by Matt Maeson

Word Count: 3.7k

“This looks kind of stupid,” you mutter to Sam, and he makes a small nod of agreement, neither of you looking away from the scene before you. Rowena reciting a bunch of words that don’t sound real, and Dean sitting in a kiddie pool, scowling with his eyes screwed tight.

“It’s not just stupid,” Dean snaps your name, and you flush. He wasn’t supposed to hear that. “It’s pointless, and I am not getting adult baptized. You know what? screw this-“

He starts to stand, but Rowena pushes on his chest and sends him back into the water on his ass.

“No moving, or you’ll make me have to start over. And none of us,” Rowena looks Dean over with a dramatic shudder. “Want that.”

“Does it, um, does it have to be an inflatable pool, Rowena? Can’t we just put him in the shower?“

Rowena scoffs, dismissing Sam with a wave of her hand. “That is not how magic works, Samuel. We’re already making a gamble by hoping the spell counts this as a communal bath filled by the clean of soul, and a motel shower would be far worse.”

“Clean of soul-“

“That wee little bellhop.” Rowena gives you a sweet smile, a glint in her eyes that makes your stomach turn slightly. “Only dirty thoughts in his head were about you and your lovely breasts.”

“What.” Dean’s head shoots up, his scowl somehow more violent. “What do you mean, her breasts-“

“I mean her tits, you dimwitted boy.” Rowena gives you a disbelieving eye roll. “Men.”

“Who the fuck was looking at her tits-“

“The bellhop, Dearie, keep up-”

“Can you just do the spell, Rowena?” You cross your arms over your chest, half folding into yourself in a play to get the conversation off of your boobs. “Now?”

Rowena rolls her eyes, but nods and goes back to all her incoherent mumbo jumbo as Dean begins to look violent.

You bump Sam’s shoulder, standing slightly on your toes to whisper, “What if this doesn’t work?”

“It will.” Sam shakes his head, and his hair hits you slightly in the face. “Rowena’s the best in the game, and we’re only stretching a few of the ingredients. It’ll be fine.”

Neither of you believe that, but you’re also running out of options. You’ve lost all your leads on the Book of the Damned, and Dean can’t keep killing people. It’s killing him, and Sam, and you, and also the people. And this is, in a roundabout way, a solution. And Rowena says it will work, and you’re not stupid enough to trust her, but you’re also desperate enough to make a deal with her. She’ll do a spell to make Dean’s bloodlust refocus—make it more about things that make him happy, and less about murder—and you and Sam will stop trying to kill her for three whole months.

If it works, it’s a win for everyone. Rowena doesn’t get shot, you and Sam get Dean back, and Dean can maybe, hopefully, be happy again.

Rowena draws back up from Dean and walks over to you and Sam, extending her hand. “Hair.”

“What-“

“Hair, lass. The spell needs your hair.”

“Sam’s hair?” You frown. “Or my hair?”

“Preferably, both.”

You and Sam exchange a look of what the fuck, and Sam keeps his voice low—inaudible to Dean—as he mutters, “Why our hair?" Why not the, uh, the bellhop guy-“

“The bellhop is of no significance to Dean’s life. You two are the people he loves most in the world, so unless you want him to remain under the Mark’s corruption,” Rowena flexes her hand, her voice becoming stern. “Hair.”

Sam pulls out his hair quickly, but you’re a little slower. You’re not someone Dean loves. You’re someone Dean cares about, but you’re not Sam. You don’t belong on the spell’s weird ingredient list, you barely belong in this room. Watching Dean in such a strongly vulnerable position, making decisions about his life for him. He’d resisted this, you’d said please, and he’d caved almost immediately, but you mostly think he just didn’t want to argue. You've all been arguing a lot lately—Sam and Dean arguing about most everything, you and Sam arguing about next moves, and you and Dean arguing about you sticking around, near him, through this—and it’s getting exhausting.

But Rowena gives you an impatient look, and you pass your hair into her hand. If it doesn’t work, you can just start over and only use Sam’s hair. He has a lot of it to spare, he’ll be fine.

When the spell finishes, Sam and Rowena go outside to talk and you sit on the bed, watching Dean in silence. He’d insisted on wearing his clothing in the pool—jeans, boots, flannel and all—he’s cross-legged in the water, and he still hasn’t opened his eyes.

He still looks good. There’s an expression made of deep lines and tense frustration on his too-handsome face, and you want to touch him. You want to touch Deanwherever he’ll let you. Run soothing hands over his frown, find out of his grown-out scruff is soft or prickly, kiss his full, pink lips until he smiles, and drift down his body. Over his chest, his stomach, lower and lower until you’re wrapping your mouth around him, and he knows that you care. You really, really care about Dean, and he’s not a burden, and if this doesn’t work, you’re going to stay right at his side until you find something that does, because you like to think you’d look up at him under your lashes and he’d see that you love him, and throw his head back and groan, and maybe his hands—big and rough and so carefully skilled—would touch you-

“Be honest with me, Sweetheart.”

His low, deep voice pulls you out of your fantasy, and you blink at him with a flush that you pray he won’t notice. “What?”

“Be honest,” he repeats, and his eyes open right onto yours. He doesn’t look to be in pain anymore, he mostly looks tired, so you nod.

“Yeah, okay. What-“

“This is dumb.”

You huff a soft, dry laugh. “It’s a little ridiculous. But it will work, Dean.”

“No spell that I know of calls for an inflatable kiddie pool.”

“Well, you’re not a witch.” You shrug. “And think of it this way, we bought that forever. We bring it back to the bunker, that’s fun.”

“Bought my ass.”Dean drawls your name, giving you a pointed look that makes you squeeze your legs together a little. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that you and Sam stole this thing.”

“It was like, $40.” You mumble, staring at the floral patterns of the motel carpet. “I am not paying that much for some plastic.”

“Even for a spell to save my damned soul?” Dean’s teasing, but there’s something in his voice you hate. Something that make you look up at him with a frown, unable to hide the slight desperation in your voice.

“You’re not damned, Dean.”

He just shrugs, refusing to meet your eyes, and before you can push it Sam returns, tossing Dean the keys and announcing that it’s time to figure out what the Mark wants.

So now, in an old, dusty bar, Dean’s smiling. He hasn’t really, really smiled in a few months, and it’s incredible to see.

It aches a little that he’s smiling away from you. Across the bar with his I can show you the world, sweetheart stance and expression. The one where he’s leaning the counter with one arm, and his eyes have a promise of fun while his every word is charming and drawling and teasing. You think he learned it from movies—he’s told you he likes the charisma of old western heroes, and there is something about his whole show that says cowboy—but there’s a pretty strong chance it’s just Dean. It’s how he is. Who he is. All he does is be handsome and stupid and annoying in a way that makes you want to punch him and then immediately kiss him after.

He’s hasn’t been Dean like that in a while, though. It’s been mostly frowns that turn in on his face, and a refusal to look in the mirror that he tries to hide, but you’ve still noticed. But right now, this is your Dean. The Dean who follows you into countless dreams with his pretty lips and eyes and strong hands and body, the Dean who’s managed to haunt you while you're awake and plant an ache in your heart when he’s in pain, and the Dean who you might know a little better than you know yourself. It’s why you ordered a cheeseburger when he went to sulk at the bar, and why you’re facing the door in the booth—Dean always faces the door—and why it hurts something deep and hopeless inside you that the grace of Dean’s smile is all focused on a pretty girl that isn’t you.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Your attention turns to Sam—who’s looking at you with a sympathy that is not welcome—and you give him a flat glare. “What am I supposedto say to that.”

“Um, the truth? I think?” Sam turns in his seat to look over at Dean, and you kick him. “Hey!” He yelps your name, whipping back around with an almost pout. “That hurt-“

“Don’t look at him.” You hiss, jerking your head to Dean. “He needs this.”

“Yeah, but-“

“No but, Sam. The spell is supposed to make him crave things he likes, he likes sex, let him have sex.”

“I don’t…” Sam sighs, shaking his head. “It’s weird. I read the spell-“

“Of course you read the spell-“

“Shut up, I always read the spells, it’s safer. And this one,” Sam looks you over with a frown and tight-lipped, grimacing expression. “This one’s odd.”

“Oh no,” your voice is sarcastic and cold, and it makes Sam flinch a little. “An odd thing. If only we knew some people who knew how to handle odd things.”

“This is why I wish you would just talk to him.” Sam mutters, giving the waitress a kind smile as she hands out the food. “You get mean when things like this happen. And I don’t think it would be as horrible as you’ve decided it would be.”

You pull the cheeseburger to your own side of the table in a blatant Dean-trap. “That is very easy for you to say, Sammy. Worst case for you, you become a child of divorce.”

He shrugs, poking at his salad with a fork. “I think that’s the worst case for Dean. You’d win custody.”

“Fair.” You look back to the cheeseburger, small smile threatening to pull at your lips. “I do have a higher rate of income.”

“No, you don’t,” Sam frowns. “You make exactly what he does. Nothing.”

“Wrong. I’m a better pool hustler than he is, so my return rate is higher.”

Sam laughs, shaking his head. “Don’t let him hear you say that, we’ll be stuck here until he beats you in a game.” He makes a mock face of disgust. “We’ll die here.”

You let yourself fully smile, even as you mutter, “kiss ass.”

Sam just shrugs, grinning himself as he takes a long drink. You really miss smiling. You really miss easy jokes, and you really miss making fun of each other without being consumed by too much grief or pain to do so.

You really miss Dean. He’s just across the room, but you still really miss him. And you want him—your Dean, the one that’s a little ridiculous and overly charming and the strongest, best man you’ve ever known—back. Over here, smiling at you, teasing you, or saying something shockingly genuine that makes your heart his even more than it already has been.

You look back to him in the bar—you can’t really help it, you think Dean and you always start to look for him in any crowd—and for a second you could’ve sworn he was looking at you. His smile has faded a little, and there are lines on his forehead, so if he was looking at you it wasn’t because you’re something good to him. He probably just saw his food, and then saw you, and now he’s antsy. His foot is tapping on the floor, and he’s fidgeting with the cuff of his flannel, so either Rowena’s terrible at her job, or the Mark is eating at him again.

You’ll fix it. Whatever Dean needs you to do for this, for him, you’ll do it silently and without asking for anything in return. No matter how many lectures Sam gives you about being selectively observant and kind of an idiot, you’ll just help Dean, and he won’t have to think twice about it. Helping Dean is what you do, it’s what you’ve done. Your whole life, in some way, has become how can I help Dean. How can I do something for this person who does everything for everyone else, and maybe he’ll turn his attention to me, and maybe he won’t, but no matter what I’ll have helped Dean.

It’s not like he doesn’t help you. Dean opens doors and saves your life and patches your wounds, and he never asks for anything back. But that’s why you want to help.

And this is helping Dean. It might be killing you a little, but it’s helping Dean, so you’ll still fix it, and then drown your sorrows with ice cream, strong drinks, and small moments of his joy when he’s better.

——————

Dean is really, really conflicted. It’s ripping him in half, because he knows he’s supposed to be polite to chicks—like the one in front of him, with the sweet smile and sweeter words he doesn’t deserve to hear—but her voice sounds like nails on chalkboard. She doesn’t feel right, she doesn’t feel good, and the bloodlust inside him doesn’t want her.

Bloodlust is the wrong word. It was the right word, but over the past few hours it didn’t feel like it anymore. Dean’s not great with words—he’s great with guns, and cars, and sometimes drawing, but not words—and even he gets that bloodlust really isn’t the correct word for wanting something in a way that’s clean. Pure and raw, but not innocent. It’s still a craving, it’s still insatiable, but it doesn’t feel tainted. It’s driving Dean to things he couldn’t really hate being dependent on. It had started softer and abstract, right after the spell, with drinks and food, so he’d driven to a bar. Then it had asked for care and love, and Dean didn’t have either of those things readily at his disposal, so he looked where he usually found something close to it. In a pretty girl, with a big rack and unburdened smile.

Then his attention had wandered for half a second, and now it couldn’t come back. The not-bloodlust—that wasn’t a good term for it either, he’d need to come up with a better, catchier one later—had tugged his gaze over to Her and Sam, and suddenly everything had been sharper and a lot more specific. Dean should go back to the booth. The booth had beer, and a cheeseburger, and Her and Sam. Mostly Her, but Sam was cool too. Dean was allowed to love two people.

And that’s where the conflict came in. Dean needed to be over there. His stomach was turning, and his skin was growing itchy and hot the longer he wasn’t there. But if he went over there, not only would he not only be leaving this very sweet girl, who seemed fine, but he might be in real danger of telling Her things he was not supposed to tell her. Things Sam kept telling Dean to tell Her, and things Dean kept having to remind Sam weren’t any of his business. He would not lose another good thing because he couldn’t keep himself in check. He would not poison something that didn’t deserve it, no matter how much the bloodlust kept telling him to. Kept telling him that She was caring and lovely, so Dean should drag her down to his level and kiss her in the grime and guts.

The not-bloodlust wanted Her too. The not-bloodlust really liked the idea of just being closer to Her, because she usually helped things. She helped everyone—Dean wasn’t special—but the not-bloodlust seemed to think that simply breathing air that had been inside her more recently would fix a lot of things that were boiling and cracking and hissing in Dean’s body.

That’s what won the conflict. He wouldn’t have to say things for this to be better, they just would be. So Dean gave the pretty girl an apologetic goodbye—she’d be fine, there were other men who were better than Dean and weren’t overtly craving their best friends in the bar—and almost ran back to Her and Sam.

She looks up at Dean as he scoots into the booth, her brows furrowed and mouth tugging down. “You’re back.”

“Well done, sweetheart, I am back.” Dean grins at Her, and that only makes her frown more.

“Did you, um,” She looks over to Sam, who shrugs. “Did you strike out?”

“Nah, just hungry.” It wasn’t a lie. Dean had been hungry. Dean had been starving, but he felt better now. He’d still eat the cheeseburger, but the hunger had dulled from a mind-numbing desperation and withdrawal to just a growl near his throat of cheeseburger. Cheeseburgers are good.

“Well, how are you feeling?” Sam’s voice is insistent, and Dean rolls his eyes, because he knows where this is going. “Do you want to kill someone? Rowena said the spell might take a few hours to work-“

“Workin’ now. I feel good.” Dean takes a large bite of his cheeseburger, and She and Sam exchange looks.

“Good?”

Dean nods, shooting Her a wink. “Real good,” he says Her name through his mouthful—crumbs falling out of his mouth—and she sighs. Her hand twitches on the table, and Dean wants to hold it. He can’t hold it. He’s not even supposed to be talking right now—that was the deal he’d made with himself—so holding hands if defiantly off the table. It would probably freak her out, too, and that’s the last thing Dean wants to do. He’s freaked Her out enough for a whole lot of lifetimes, so she should be smiling instead.

Dean’s usually really good at making Her smile. He’s proud of that, because She worries more than Sam and has more nightmares than Dean, but he can always make her smile.

She’s not smiling now. She’s tense, and she keeps looking between Dean and the girl at the bar.

“You’re good.” She repeats his words slowly, but it doesn’t sound like she believes them. “And you think the spell worked.”

“Did work.” Dean swallows, and immediately takes another bite. Cheeseburgers are good, the not-bloodlust had decided, so Dean should eat more cheeseburgers. “Don’t think it did, I know it did.”

“How do you know?” Sam asks, pulling the cheeseburger across the table, away from Dean.

“Hey!” Dean reaches for his plate, and Sam moves it away faster. “What the fuck, Sammy, do not touch my burger-”

“It’s distracting you, Dean, and this is serious. We really need to know if the spell worked-“

“It did work. I don’t want to gank anything, I just want my cheeseburger and-“ He has to cut himself off, because that is exactly why he wasn’t supposed to talk. “Look, man, it worked. Trust me, I feel good. No bloodlust, just, uh, not-bloodlust.”

Sam glances at the cheeseburger, then at Her, then at Dean. Dean gives him a very winning grin—all teeth and bright eyes, and give me back my burger, I’m not going to kill anyone—but Sam’s attention just moves back to Her. She mostly looks confused and tired—Dean still needs to make her smile—but she nods, making a loose gesture of surrender, and Sam, finally, slides the food back to Dean.

“If he’s really good,” Sam’s pretty clearly talking to Her, but Dean listens anyways. They’re a team, he’s allowed to hear this stuff. “We should get back to Kansas tonight. It’s not smart to linger in a town after a hunt finishes-“

“I know,” She glances back to Dean, and he offers her his widest, most reassuring smile. She doesn’t smile back, but her face relaxes a little, so Dean counts it as a victory. “Do you want to finish that, or-“

“Gimme three-“

“Chew, Dean.”

He does, holding up three fingers in a silent signal, and inhales the rest of his cheeseburger.

“Holy crap, dude.“ Sam blinks between Dean and the empty plate. “That was really fast, even for you.”

Dean shrugs, standing out of the booth. “Don’t blame me, blame the not-bloodlust. Cheeseburgers or murder, Sammy, gotta be one.”

Sam rolls his eyes, starting to the door, and Dean lingers until She’s on her feet and they can follow Sam together.

“Not-bloodlust is a bad name,” She mutters, staring at the floor as she walks. “What about, uh, what’s the opposite of blood?”

“Dunno.” Dean watches Her carefully, raking his brain for a good answer. “Water? Waterlust?”

That gets him a small, huffed laugh. “That doesn’t make sense, Dean.”

“Doesn’t have to. It’s my lust.”

“It is.” She meets Dean’s eyes, and her attention is soft, but it feels strange. Like she’s trying to find something on Dean’s face he doesn’t know how to get for her. “And if you really want, we can call it waterlust, but I like betterlust.”

“Betterlust?“

“Starts with B,” Her attention turns back to the floor, and Dean feels something sour twist around his heart and forearm. “Fun to say. Makes sense, too, you’re lusting after better stuff.”

Dean was lusting after better stuff. It was a good name—better than not-bloodlust—and he was willing to concede waterlust to Her. It was, overwhelmingly so, the least he could do.

“Betterlust it is, Sweetheart.” He tried his most charming, cocky, look at me, I’m a cowboy and I can be yours if you offer me just a few kind words because I’m a pathetic, worthless wet dog that barks and bites, but man am I good at sex, smile on Her, and this time, he got a real smile back.

End Note: Wow what's this something I write that's actually going to be short? We'll see!

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@artemys-ackles @brtodd @panicking-outside-the-disco @megara0224

[connorsui]

Bestfriend! Suguru, who waits for you when you get home late after a night out with your friends. He’s lounging on the couch in sweatpants that hang low on his hips, a book forgotten in his hands, though his eyes are fixed on the door the moment you stumble in. The way your heels click against the floor and your soft curse when you drop your keys pull a quiet laugh from him.

He watches as you crouch down, the hem of your dress riding up dangerously high, revealing just enough to make him grit his teeth and look anywhere but at you. You’re trouble, he thinks, a beautiful, irresistible kind of trouble that he can’t bring himself to resist.

“Lose something?” he asks, voice low and amused, as you finally find your keys and straighten up with a triumphant grin.

By the time you’ve kicked off your heels and wandered into the bathroom, he’s already following, a silent shadow at your back. He doesn’t say anything as he sets you on the icy counter, his hands steady on your waist when you wobble slightly, laughing softly at your own clumsiness.

“Had fun?” he murmurs, already pulling out a cotton pad and your makeup remover from the cabinet.

“You kiddin' ? ...It was the best,” you giggle, leaning forward a little, your knees brushing his sides as he steps between your legs. “You should’ve come thoughhh.... they were asking about you....you know?”

“I bet,” he replies, a flicker of a smirk tugging at his lips as he starts carefully wiping the remnants of makeup from your face.

His touch is gentle, the rough pads of his fingers brushing against your skin as he works. You close your eyes, letting the warmth of his presence wrap around you like a blanket., his focus so intense it makes your stomach flutter.

But when he reaches your lips, he hesitates. The gloss sheen of your lip gloss catches the light, and his thumb lingers near the corner of your mouth, his breath hitching. You feel the pause, your dreamy haze giving way to a spark of awareness, and without thinking, you close the gap, pressing your lips to his.

He freezes for half a second, caught off guard, but then his hand on your thigh tightens, drawing you closer, and his lips press firmly back against yours. It’s soft at first, tentative and searching, like he’s savoring something he’s longed for but never thought he’d have. His other hand cups your jaw, tilting your face up as the kiss deepens, slow and unhurried, but impossibly intense.

Your hands drift to his shoulders, then to his neck, fingers threading into his hair as you pull him even closer. He groans softly against your lips, the sound low and guttural, and it sends a shiver down your spine. His thumb strokes the curve of your jaw as his lips move against yours, exploring, teasing, claiming.

When you part just barely for air, his forehead rests against yours, his breath hot and uneven. But he doesn’t pull away—not yet. Instead, his lips find yours again, a little firmer this time, hungrier, like he’s trying to make up for all the times he held himself back. His hand slides to your lower back, guiding you closer to the edge of the counter until there’s no space left between you.

You lose track of time, your mind a haze of warmth and Suguru. The way his lips meld perfectly with yours, the way his hand anchors you in place, the faint hum of satisfaction he lets out when your fingers tug at his hair—all of it feels like the world has narrowed down to just the two of you.

When he finally pulls back, his lips are swollen, his dark eyes heavy with something that makes your heart race.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” you whisper, your voice barely audible over the sound of your own pounding heartbeat.

His lips curve into a slow, devastating smile, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “Oh, I do,” he murmurs, his voice rough with emotion. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the moment I met you.”

And before you can respond, he’s kissing you again, like he has all the time in the world—and like he plans to spend every second of it with you.

[daphwritesworld]

#21 K. Walsh— BeFoUr. [part one]

(ft: #6 L. Williamson)

content: Top!Keira, Bottom!Reader, Top!Leah, impact play (R receiving), Brat Tamer!Keira, fingering (R receiving), orgasm denial, breath play, Keira bending reader like a pretzel with manhandling, oral (r receiving)

warnings: dom/sub relationship, choking, a few clit and ass spanks, not even semi-public sex they straight up some nasty horn dogs in this club, being heard going to pound town, 3sum, mentions of strap-ons but no penetration (YET AYYYE)

synopsis: You've always been a perfect submissive for your girlfriend…but what happens when you decide to break that good girl persona she's grown so accustomed to? And what happens when you enroll her best friend to help you? Lord help you, girl.

word count: 4.5k

!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!

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“You better get your girl, Kei!” A very drunk Alexia laughs out, “Before your best friend does.” 

Keira’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, her eyes searching out to where her captain’s sights are set. And oh what a sight she is met with— you, her sweet angel, pressed up against Leah on the dance floor. You’re still high off the win, and even more elated from seeing your old English teammates celebrating with you. It’d been quite a day at the UEFA, both of your groups collecting a victory in your matches. 

Now here you are, three shots deep and your adrenaline making you act out a lot more than you normally would. You’re usually such a good girl for Keira. An absolute picture perfect sub— admired by all who saw the two of you interact. She loves the way you heed her every word, never arguing or disagreeing when she tells you to do something. So it’s a surprise to her when you just smile at her, and grind your ass back against Leah when she motions for you to come towards her. 

Keira feels her jaw clench as her fingers tighten around the glass in her hand, and she makes the continuous decision to set it down before she ends the night early getting stitches. She starts making her way through the crowd, her eyes never leaving yours as she does. Leah’s whispering something in your ear, and you bite your lips at whatever it is. A blush crossing your cheeks as you finally break the intense gaze of your girlfriend. Leah’s hands are circling around your middle now, her palms resting low on your abdomen as she presses you against her front even tighter. 

You can hear your heart thumping in your ears now. A pit deepens in your stomach as Keira rapidly approaches you, her hand instantly wrapping around your wrist as she yanks you into her body. You stumble at first, your free hand coming up to balance yourself against her chest. You feel like your blood is molten lava under your skin, and you aren’t sure if it’s the alcohol or your actions that’s causing the burning sensation to pump through your veins. 

Maybe it’s the good girl deep inside of you burning alive from the guilt of acting out…but the sexy look on your girlfriend’s face quickly sweeps that notion from your mind. I mean how could you feel guilty when your pussy is throbbing from the way her nails angrily dig into your skin…you should right? You should feel guilty about how much it turns you on to see her jealous and hot headed with anger, but it doesn’t. It only makes you smile up at her as your hands go behind you to find her best mate, and pull her back against your body. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Her hands move down to your waist as she tightens her grip there, knocking Leah’s away in the process. 

“Well, I wasn't just gonna sit on your lap all night because you didn’t wanna dance with me,” you make sure to roll your eyes as you say it— playing up on the brattiness to test her boundaries in front of company. It feels so much safer to do it with so many eyes on you. Because in your mind, what can she really do to you in a room full of hundreds of people? 

So it inflates your confidence, your ego, and your desire for her to break you back down into a pliable little sub. It’s like you have a sugar rush from all the praise and sweetness she’s always shown you, but you’re finally coming down from the high…and boy are you crashing HARD. You’re craving to see the rougher side of your sickly sweet girlfriend has been growing steadily for weeks now. At least, ever since she let it slip that she’s a brat tamer during a drunk truth or dare last month.

-

You had called her out with a big hearty laugh, “Oh Kei, come on! You’re like the total opposite of that. You’ve never even raised your voice at me, let alone spank me back into my place!”

“Yeah, because you already know that it’s underneath me. Brats are like wild animals, and you’re more like a house cat, babe. No need to tame a kitten when you’re used to dealing with lions.”

It was like a light went off in your head after that— a deep seated need to broken then put back together by her. A kitten? Oh, you’ll show her a god damn kitten.

-

Your feet must’ve gone into auto pilot, because your brain is just now playing catch up. You hadn’t even realized you’re being dragged through the crowd. At least, not until you hear a chorus of teasing shouts from the mix of your former and current teammates behind you. The door to the bathroom flies open just as Mariona makes sure to yell out for you both to “Usa protección, chicas!”

Keira doesn’t even check to see if all the stalls are empty. She just pushes you into the first one she sees. You go to speak, but you’re cut off by her hand coming up and locking around your throat. “Spread your fucking legs.” 

Your eyes widen at her statement, hesitation clear as you make no move to follow her demands. “B-but we’re in pub—“ you’re cut off by a growl coming out of the older girl in front of you, “And I don’t give a damn, y/n. If you wanna act like a slut, then i’ll treat you like one…” She pushes you up against the stall door, her chest vibrating against yours as she lightly laughs. 

“And sluts don’t get fucked on nice comfy beds, do they?” Her eyes flicker up to yours before she leans down to press a couple kisses up your neck. A few more condescending giggles come out of her too, slightly tickling your skin in her wake. When she pulls away it’s like you can see the switch flip behind her eyes, because suddenly her voice is back to being as stern as the look on her face. “They get finger fucked in dirty bathroom stalls with their panties hanging around their ankles.”

You can’t help the moan that slips out from your lips at her words. You’ve never seen or heard this side of her before. It's exhilarating and makes your head spin with every second that passes. So you finally start listening and slowly begin to pry your legs apart. It must be too slow though, because next thing you know Keira is spreading them for you. As she pushes your short little dress up to bunch up around your waist, it’s her turn to let a moan slip from her mouth. You went out in an dress this short without panties on, and let someone else touch you? Oh dear lord in heaven— Keira is battling demons. She lets her hand around your throat come down and pull one of your legs up onto her shoulder. It burns a little from the stretch, but she knows how flexible you are. She’s seen you bend yourself like a pretzel just for fun– so she knows you can handle this. 

“You let her touch my pussy?” It’s asked in a scarily calm tone. One that has a shiver running down your spine as you sink further into her intense gaze. 

You can’t even react right away, brain too fuzzy from the newfound domination radiating off your girlfriend. Your mouth moves before the words can start forming, stuttering out fragments your brain can’t seem to currently process. You get snapped out of it when you feel a spank land onto your throbbing clit. It makes you jolt in her hold, and a cracked whine to rip out of your throat. It’s a sensation you’ve never felt before, dancing right on the edge of pleasure and pain.

“I asked you a question, y/n.” She’s giving you another opportunity to be good for her, and you bite your lip as you weigh your options. You could listen now, but would that really get you what you want? “Answer me or I swear to god I won’t touch you for a month,” well never fucking mind we got Miss party pooper over here. Your eyes snap up to hers as the pout on your lips starts to form. 

“No,” you cross your arms over your chest. “...but I might if you don’t hurry up and fuck me alre–” you get cut off by the another yelp leaving your lips. She’s landing another slap to your clit, this time with a little more force. There are tears gathering in your waterline now, and it makes Keira ruin her underwear a little more than she’d like to admit.

Is she upset? Yes. Is she more turned on than ever? Also yes. She’s prided herself on the fact she’s never had to punish you. Always bragging about you and your streak of being an unmatched good girl. So it’s hurting her ego a little bit to see you act this way. Has she been too sweet on you? Spoiled you to the point of being rotten? Well, now she has to correct those mistakes, and she will do it wherever she sees fit. You wanna be a brat in front of all your friends and a bunch of drunk strangers? That’s fine. You can all learn together what a lesson from Keira entails. 

There’s something so intoxicating about you being bad, though. It’s filling her body with this tingling feeling, like all her nerves are vibrating from the adrenaline rushing to her head. It’s like an extinguished fire that’s been buried in her chest, and you’ve just reignited it by tenfold. Something low in her gut started to twist when she saw you pressed up against Leah. Not jealousy per se, something more carnal. 

The blonde defender has always been a trouble maker, and Keira can’t help but get turned on when she thinks of her best friend corrupting you. Leah is the only person in the world to know your girlfriend better than you. They have years of built up trust, memories, and experiences together. Leah knows every single way to push her buttons…and she knew when Keira saw her whispering naughty little encouragements into her sweet girlfriend’s ear, that it’d set her over the edge. 

“I’m getting real sick of your smart ass mouth, y/n,” Keira’s words are spoken so low and deep you think you might pass out right here. You could drown in her velvety smooth voice, getting lost in the way her tone drops as her patience wears thin. 

“Then why don’t you do something about it—”

She cuts you off by plunging two of her fingers into your mouth. You gag at first, surprised by the intrusion as you try to calm your throat around her digits. Keira uses her other hand to grab the back of your head to keep you in place, and with that she starts fucking your mouth. She’s so close to your face that you can feel her breath dusting across your cheeks. She keeps her eyes locked onto your mouth, enchanted by the sight before her. She can hear the squelching of your spit coating her fingers, and it only adds to the erotic scene playing out between the two of you. She thrusts into your mouth for a few minutes, making sure you get them wet enough. 

When she's satisfied she pulls them out, tapping your lips before she runs them down your body. She lets her nails scratch you as they move down your abdomen, leaving goosebumps to wise behind in their path. She skips over your pussy, letting her nails run along your inner thigh. A shiver takes over your body at the feeling, a new sense of arousal flooding in through your body. You try to cock your head down to watch her hand, but you're stopped by the one still holding your head in place. "Please, Kei! I need you, baby!" You don't care how loud or desperate you sound— this is torture. 

"Oh so now you need me, huh? What happened to that big bad attitude you had earlier? All gone now that your pussy isn't getting stuffed?" This time you cower from the laugh she lets out after she speaks. It's dark and menacing; a side of her you didn't even know existed. 

You manage the best pout you can muster up, eyes all wide and innocent as you lightly reach for her arm. "I always need you, Kiera." 

"That's not true, now is it? You looked more than satisfied out there with Leah," Keira watches as your face heats up, holding back the grin that's pulling at her lips. "Was it me or her who made you this wet, baby? Maybe I should go get her and let her clean this mess up—" 

It's you cutting her off this time, "N-No! I only get this wet for you— I swear! Just please touch me, okay? Please, I'll do anything!" 

A wicked grin breaks out across her face, "Anything?" 

You think you might smash your skull into the stall door behind you if she doesn't stop teasing you. Does she know how absolutely fucking sexy she is right now? And does she know how torturous it is to not be touched when you've craved this version of her? "Yes, fuck— anything! Please, baby…" You choke the last couple words out, a cry clogging your throat as your frustration builds. 

She must take some pity on you, because she listens to you. She starts by rubbing through your folds, collecting your wetness. A small string of your arousal connects to her finger tips as she moves to rub your clit. It makes a moan pour out of your lips, back arching into her touch as it lights your body aflame. "Thank you, baby!" 

Keira's hand on your head moves to your front, ripping the top of your dress down so she has access to your chest. She knew you hadn't worn a bra tonight, and honestly she's proud she's lasted this long before tearing it off. Her mouth goes straight to your tits, lips enclosing around your nipple as her free hand comes up to pinch at the other one. She lets two of her fingers slide into your pussy; not giving you a second to adjust before she's jack hammering into them. Her palm hits your clit perfectly, sending jolts of electricity from your core up to your spine with every thrust. You somehow arch your back even deeper, pushing your boobs further into your girlfriend's mouth. 

"Feels s-so fucking g-goood!" You're slurring your words already, brain fogging up from the pleasure she's giving you. 

You feel her laugh against your chest, the vibrations of it moving from your nipple down to your core. She pulls her face back after the pretty noise you let out from the action, a bodeful look overtaking her features. "Admit you liked Leah's hands on you," It makes your pussy gush into her hand. "I-I didn't!" You feel the heat rise back to your cheeks, and the tips of your ears turning bright red. That's how Keira always knows when you're lying, because of the cherry tomato tint that covers them. It always gives you away. 

Her fingers curl up into your g-spot just as the bathroom door opens, and your hand flies up to cover your mouth...but Keira stops you. Her one hand captures both of your wrists, and she pins them above your head. That leaves you to bite down onto your bottom lip, trying with all your might to stay quiet. Keira rolls her eyes at that, slipping a third finger into your dripping cunt before increasing the speed and force behind her thrusts. The burn of the stretch is what breaks you, a pitiful moan echoing out across the tiled room. You don't even notice how hard you'd bit your lip until Keira's bending down to suck the blood off of it. 

It's so dirty and taboo…so nasty. You genuinely had no idea how much of a fucking freak your girlfriend is….and you definitely didn't' know how much you'd enjoy it. She's ruining you with every second that passes, and ingraining a need for this kind of treatment, at least weekly. Keira doesn't know it yet, but she is destroying the good girl she once created. 

"M'Gonna cum!" You slur it out as your eyes cross, legs shaking as Keira keeps you held up with her weight. Your eyesight is blurring out as you feel yourself start to tip over the edge…then it's gone. Just as fast as your high came about, it vanishes along with her fingers.  She takes your leg on her shoulder off, softly setting it back down on the ground as you groan out from the discomfort. You feel tears gather in your eyes at the empty feeling left in your pussy. You go to open your mouth to complain, but Keira's wet hand comes up to pinch your cheeks together, effectively silencing you. "Not until you stop lying to me. Good girls don't lie," her grip tightens on your face, "and bad girls don't get to cum." 

The tears in your waterline finally fall down your face. "I'm not lying.."

"Yes, you are. Now tell me the truth or we're going home, and I won't let you cum for a week if you lie to me again, y/n. Maybe if I punish you then you'll learn, hmm?"

"O-okay, fine!" It's your turn to be the one to roll your eyes now. A blush settling across your skin as you look anywhere, but at Keira. "…I liked it when she was touching me.."

She can't hold back her grin this time, "Who? Gotta be specific, baby." 

You whine out as you struggle against her hand still keeping your wrists bound. The embarrassment of being caught is becoming too much for you to handle…and not in the way you'd expect. It's humiliating you, yet somehow you're getting wet from it. There are so many new feelings you're experiencing right now, and so fucking thankful it's Keira you're exploring them with. You take a deep breath before looking her in the eyes, "Leah! I liked it when Leah touched me, okay? Now please, baby!"

Your blood runs cold at the ominous laugh that burrows out of Keira's chest. You don't have time to think about it much, because then she's pulling you away from the door and unlocking it. Yanking it open as you scramble to pull your top back up. "You hear that, Le?" 

Your head snaps up at that, eyes widening as you see the blonde standing directly in front of the open stall. "Oh I definitely heard that, Kei." She has a smirk sitting pretty on her lips as her eyes rack up and down your body, finally meeting your gaze as she flashes you a predatory smile.

You swear you must've of went into a trance after that. Because the next thing you remember is being in the back of a taxi, Keira and you making out as Leah's lips danced across your neck. Eventually your girlfriend pulled away and led your mouth to her best friend's, and took the spot of leaving love bites on your neck. They'd corned you in the elevator of the hotel, one on each side as they felt up on your body. Pulling sweet sounds from your mouth as you melted into their touch. 

That leads us back to now. The two English footballers towering over you as you sit on the edge of the king size bed. "You sure you want to do this, love? You say the word and we can end this right now. There's no pressure on you, okay?" Keira's hand comes up to your cheek, her thumb rubbing soft circles into your skin. A concerned look etches itself onto her face as she addresses you. You smile at her, letting your own hand come up to smooth the furrow in her brow. "I 100% want to do this. I know this is all new for me—  for us together…but I want this," you take her hand into yours as you slide it up your thigh. She groans out when she feels the wetness leaking out all over them, 'I really fucking want this." 

You don't get a verbal response from her, just a push to your shoulders that sends you flying back onto the duvet. A giggle escapes you as you bounce against the mattress, waiting for one of them to finally make you cum. Keira and Leah share a look as they switch positions. The blonde defender makes a place for herself between your legs, her hands going to your calves before she pushes them up against your chest. "I've been waiting years to get a taste of this sweet cunt. You should hear the way Keira describes it— says it's just like honey." 

You flush as you go to look at your girlfriend, a playful smile on her face. "Y-you talk about me?" 

"Of course I do, love. How could I not when you've got the best fucking pussy I've ever had?" She strips her clothes off as she climbs up on the bed. After pulling your dress off she settles down above your head, her cunt presented to you for your viewing pleasure. Before you get a chance to ask her to sit on your face, Leah is thursting her tongue into your hole. Her nose rubs up into your clit as she stays buried to the hilt, moans flying out of your mouth as you get lost in the pleasure of hers. You're still so wound up, like a live wire ready to blow. So it's no surprise when you come tumbling towards the edge again, hands scrambling to reach out to Keira above you. 

"Please don't stop! Please, baby!' But she just laughs at you as she lets you cling to her arm, wrestling one away from your tantalizing grip. 

"I'm not the one you should be begging right now." She grabs your chin as she moves your head down, and your eyes lock with Leah's. "Please don't stop! Please, Le. I wanna cum for you..want you to taste me on your tongue." She moans into your cunt from your words, and it sends vibrations through your most sensitive nerves. It feels like a firework went off inside your gut, leaving you to be overwhelmed with the waves of pleasure rolling through your body. A cry falls from your lips as your thighs attempt to close around her head...but it's Keira who spreads them back open. She leans over your body as she gets onto her knees, and her lips find their way to your chest once again. She licks, sucks, bites…just about everything to your nipples. She knows how sensitive they are— hell she's even made you cum from just her mouth on your tits before. So she can't even imagine how good you feel right now. "I can't h-hold it, baby! Can I please c-cum?" 

Keira knows it's directed at her this time. If the pet name wasn't enough, everyone knows only she owns your orgasms. Leah might be the one between your legs right now, but make no mistake...Keira is the one to decide if, how, and when you get to cum. You're lucky she's feeling so generous tonight, because with one breath she's detaching from your tits. "Go ahead and show her why I brag about you so much. Cum all over her tongue for me, baby." 

Your nails dig into your girlfriend's arms as your back arches off of the bed. Keira's hands hold your hips down for her best friend as she pulls away from your hickey covered tits, groaning out at the sight in front of her. Leah's eyes are rolling into the back of her head as her jaw works overtime. Keira can see the wet muscle thrusting into your pussy, a coat of white cream spilling all into the blonde's mouth. Leah lets one of her hands come up to rub at your clit as she starts moving her head, sucking up every ounce of your essence that leaks out. It's like goddamn nectar and Leah can't get enough of it. 

She only pulls away once Keira's hand is pushing her head to give you a break. You are absolutely boneless under the two women, eyes barley open as you try and catch your breath. Keira crawls back as they go to examine your condition after a round like that. Leah's the first to break the silence, "I think we bloody killed her, mate."

"Oh trust me, she's fine. Plus we haven't even showed her our surprise yet—"

"Surprise? What surprise?!" 

"Oh and suddenly you're just fully awake, huh?" Leah laughs out, shaking her head as she gives Keira a look.

"I told you she was fine, just needed a little encouragement. Ain't that right, baby?"

"Mhm…sooo about this surprise?" 

"Well someone's a little impatient," Leah says as she shakes her head, "Close your eyes first, darling."

You dramatically sigh before following her instructions. 

"Again, just trust me. She always is when it comes to surprises," the two of them keep talking like you aren't even there. Walking over to two bags you still haven't noticed magically appeared in your room. You hear some rustling around, but mostly silence. It lets your mind drift for the first time tonight, and a sinking feeling fills your gut as you realize something. 

"WAIT!" Your eyes snap open, "H-how do you two have a surprise for me?" You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up at the revelation. "And how'd those bags get in here?"

They just share a crimson smile as they turn back towards you, and you gasp at what you're met with. Both of them approaching you with a strap on attached to their hips. Leah is the one to speak first, "Oh don't worry, darling. I told Kei allll about your little plan. You didn't really think a little kitten like you was calling the shots, did you?" 

A whole new feeling of arousal seeps into your bloodstream…because now you realize just how calculated this whole night has been. She knew every step of your plan and then used it against you…and you played right into her hand. Now you're at the complete disposal of not one, but two very…very worked up athletes. It terrifies and excites you at the same time. They start climbing onto the bed as they skewer you between them, man handling you onto your hands and knees. A silicone cock rests against your cheek and the other on your ass, grinding into everywhere but where you need them most. You look up to see who’s at your front end, the tall blonde’s abs the first thing you’re greeted with. Her voice drops a few octaves as her eyes grow darker.

"We're just getting started, darling." 

[tsukius]

How a date with them would look like ?

featuring: tsukishima kei, kuroo tetsurou, kageyama tobio, ushijima wakatoshi

author’s note: sooo, no im not dead. i have so much works in my draft i swear, i just need time to clean then upload them.

_________________________________

K.TSUKISHIMA

for a date, tsukki would take you to a quiet, cozy cafe. he loves the calm, relaxed atmosphere, and the chance to just sit and talk with you over a warm cup of tea or coffee. he'll pick a spot by the window, so you two can people-watch and make snarky comments together. tsukishima will also make sure to order your favorite treats, delighting in the way your face light up when you take that first bite.

throughout the date, he'll engage you in intellectual discussions, debating the merits of different artistic movements or the plot twists in both of your favorite books. but he also knows when to just sit back and listen, appreciating the way your eyes shine with passion as you share your own thoughts and opinions.

as the date winds down, tsukishima may suggest a stroll through a nearby park or museum, enjoying the quiet company. and when it's time to head home, he'll make sure to walk you to your door, maybe even stealing a soft, lingering kiss goodnight before reluctantly parting ways.

T.KUROO

kuroo is the type to plan an exciting, adventurous date for you. he might start by surprising you with tickets to a new art exhibit or a stand-up comedy show, knowing you'll appreciate the unique experiences. during the event, your boyfriend will be the perfect gentleman, his arm wrapped around your waist as he leans in to whisper teasing commentary in your ear.

after that, he'll take youto a trendy, dimly-lit restaurant, choosing a table tucked away in the corner for a more intimate setting. kuroo will insist on ordering a variety of tapas-style dishes, so you two can sample all sorts of flavors together. and of course, he'll make sure to pick out a bottle of your favorite drink to complement the meal.

as the night goes on, kuroo will guide youto a local park or rooftop bar, where you can stargaze and enjoy the city skyline. he'll hold you close, reveling in the way your head fits perfectly against his shoulder. and when it's time to part ways, he will steal one last, passionate kiss, his fingers tangled in your hair as he promises to plan an even better date next time.

T.KAGEYAMA

when it comes to dates, kageyama is a bit awkward and unsure of himself. but he knows that (if) you loves sports, he'll try to plan an active outing that caters to your interests. maybe he'll take you to a volleyball court and teach you some new skills, or challenge you to a game of one-on-one basketball. kageyama will be intensely focused, his brow furrowed in concentration as he coaches you and tries his best to impress you with his athletic prowess. but of course, if sports are really not your thing, he would have the same energy to do something you like.

after working up an appetite, kageyama will escort you to a casual, family-style restaurant, the kind with big portions and a lively atmosphere. he'll try his best to make conversation, asking you questions about your own hobbies and interests. and even though he might stumble over his words at times, kageyama will hang on your every word, captivated by the way you talk .as the date draws to a close, he might shyly suggest a walk through a quiet park or along the riverfront.

he'll be hyper-aware of your proximity, his fingers twitching with the urge to hold your hand. and when he finally musters up the courage to do so, kageyama will give your hand a gentle squeeze, his face flushed as he steals a quick, almost timid goodnight kiss.

W.USHIJIMA

for a date, ushijima would take his girlfriend to a serene, picturesque location- perhaps a scenic overlook or a quiet, secluded garden. he values tranquility and appreciates the chance to simply be present in the moment with you ushijima will pack a simple, but delicious picnic lunch, making sure to include all of your favorite foods.

during the date, he'll be attentive and engaged, listening intently as you share stories or thoughts. ushijima may not be the most talkative person, but he makes up for it by being a wonderful, thoughtful listener. he'll occasionally offer his own insights or observations, his deep voice calm and steady.

as the sun begins to set, ushijima will spread out a blanket, guiding you to sit beside him. you'll both watch the sky explode in brilliant hues of orange and pink, and he will subtly shift closer, his large hand covering yours. when the last of the daylight fades, he'll tuck you against his side, pressing a tender kiss to the top of you head. it may not be the most flashy or adventurous date, but for ushijima, it's the perfect way to cherish his time with the person he cares for most.