#the baddest mf of all time i fear

[floorpancakes]

big day

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i can already feel the acceleration preparing itself... i feel good. like i feel a little down but the pressure has lifted, my whole life i was beating myself up and everyone around me for not ‘making the most’ of our time... a free moment is a moment to be spent adventuring, exploring, going out and doing things! but what’s it worth when i completely destroy myself when i can’t do it?? i have always done that. in fact i still do. but on this last day of my freedom before summer school, i let go of the need to achieve everything all at once. im still disappointed that i havent been to the beach or enjoyed this summer weather to its full potential, but it’s not my fault, it’s not something to beat myself up about. 

anyway, yes. tomorrow is the big day and i’m actually very excited. and now that i’ve completed my (multiple) internship applications, im absolutely certain i will get multiple offers. OPTIONS BITCH! im so excited. shit is about to get so real. i am nearly finished this fucking degree! and i realised, i have a huge time window to finish my rsa, and thats basically all the tasks i’d set for myself this summer. now the main thing is getting myself a job so i can re-earn all the money i spend the past year. but there’s literally all the time in the world to do that anyway? 

its just so fucking freeing. i never had a reason to be so worried. there’s never anything to fear in life. i am fucking PROTECTED! i will always, always have everything i need. so yes, for a while there i was losing my faith, but i trust in the Universe and i will continue to trust in the magical ways it works in my favour. and i am also so certain i’m getting a job offer soon. i can’t wait ! maybe ill apply where my old work friend just got hired. but omg, my bestie just moved house and now she lives in the same suburb as me. this is so excitingggggg! i can sense a lot of good productive changes about to happen for me and everyone. and im kinda glad january is almost over. shes been and done babe we’re ready for something new! love you but ciaoooooo!

and after that whole incident with this guy i feel a lot less anxious about him. like its still there, and the triggers are still there, but im kinda just patiently working through them with myself. its getting easier to live with myself. i care about myself enough to take care of my body and my mind and just parent myself. theres no reasonable excuse for sucking my mind away to someone i dont know, to assuming stories and reasons for their behaviour when in reality nothing is truly known as fact until it is spoken to me in WORDS. he’s a big boy. he can use his words. and the pattern really truly helped me. my anxiety will otherwise mislead my intuition and ill make up stories. that is solid genuine celestial prophecy being communicated to me. this is why i fucking love astrology! it keeps me a little more sane. fuck religion man. this shit helped me in so many ways. 

plus, he’s lucky to have me in his life anyway! he’s obsessed with me, there’s no doubt about it. this poor guy is trying to hold himself together but he’s in love with me, he fell in love with me the moment he saw me lol. but he’s just as flawed and insecure as i am and that will project no doubt a lot. it’s my job to be soft, gentle, and patient and understanding of him and his triggers. i kinda love that our dynamic is already showing some cracks, like it’s telling me there is some beauty and some growth to experience together. i think it’s really going to change our lives. i’m going to learn so much from him. i’m really looking forward to what this relationship might become... but yes. i am a bad mf bitch and i see through EVERYTHING. nothing shakes me. especially not a scared little boy. he may think he’s ‘daddy’ or some dominating man, but ill always be the baddest bitch he’s ever had. HA HA HA... i love making a mark on the lives of everyone i meet. i am fucking magical. an alien if you may. celestial. and when i’ve done my shadow work, a lightworker......, maybe. 

byeeeeeee! xxxxxxxxxxxx

[maskedinstructor]

Get To Work-They Could Teach Their Ass Off

Antoine, Latty, English, Fleary, Jenkins, Johnson, Nottage...These were the giants with whom I worked. There was such brilliance when they instructed, you were all but blinded by the experience. There is good...exceptional...outstanding...These were all in the genius category. They taught me never to stand still. If you do so,  you are just bullshitting, collecting a paycheck. If there is no movement, why are you there? Change the MF...

Let me talk about Jenkins first. We had a strange relationship. I was truly a disciple. However, I wouldn’t trust him anywhere near my girlfriend or my wife. The explanation requires more time than I am able to employ here.But, in short he was a scoundrel. 

I had just been assigned to the school. I was a raw rookie. I was given the usual pep talk, roll book, textbook, class program and seating chart. After being directed toward the room, the then assistant principal introduced me to the class. It was brief. I remember hearing the door close after my name was whispered to my students. The rest was history and a blurred one at that. It was hit and miss everyday. There was no consistency of instruction or discipline. The children weren’t fighting. However, I did not feel that I was a true professor of the art .In November, the gild was off the rose and true chaos descended upon the room. I mean true discipline problems. I was battling all the time. We were progressing . In spite of that there was never a clean day. Clean meant a day without some fuck ups. I was assigned a buddy teacher. His name was Jenkins. The children wet their pants when name was uttered. He was the baddest cat on the island. He observed me and took notes. Later we had the post observation that would change my life forever.

“ You are quite good at this. Yes, there are some problems, especially with the chicks. All of us have or had problems with these young broads. They are guerrilleras. I jerked...No man I mean the Spanish guerrllleras...warriors, trained in combat to fight or die. Ignore that. They will never change. Just don’t marry one. Now, Masked Instructor, we can change your situation overnight. You see, my background is not education. I was a longshoreman. I just gotten laid off and the Board needed Black men to fill high school vacancies, authentic mobsters and gangsters...So I applied. All hell broke loose the first day in class. I was without a job, a young family and no Pan B. I couldn’t lose this job. It was hell. So I looked for the biggest cat in the room . I thought if I can take him out, I would gain the respect or fear of the rest. This unsuspecting large dude was there in the middle of shit.  I approached, landed a Muhammad Ali uppercut and he collapsed to the ground. I knew I could revive him so I focused on the rest of the class “ Who is next, You MFs? The room quieted down and I sat the barely conscious student in a chair. You are the class monitor. Your job is to keep all the rest  of these motherbrothers in order while I learn this shit. He agreed and here I am.

You have to find a way to knock out or off the biggest problem and the rest will follow. You ain’t gonna punch out a kid today or you will be in jail. Figure it out. Separate the biggest trouble maker from the class and you will be the biggest troublemaker for their education... That I did. The How will surprise in the next posting

Theoretical Framework: Fear not. You can do it.  Be the biggest troublemaker for the education of your children