#the autistic experience of inflicting masking in a tangible way onto characters

[gin-archiving]

@bachint LOOK AAAAAAAH

Something is wrong with Hegemol :((

[vulturereyy]

Reblogging with Hegemol whump/angst under the readmore that I sent to @dragons-age in DMs because I am being perfectly normal about this. It's a bit choppy since it's from a conversation.

What if Hegemol was already secretly starting to feel unwell but didn't think it too much to tell his fellow knights yet because he was sure it was just a little cold or something and it would pass like it always does. But then during a training spar Ogrim strikes him right in the head and Hegemol would usually back down after a hit to praise him and encourage him to try the move again, but this time he… Doesn't. Ogrim is briefly excited by the fact he landed a blow on the bulwark that is Hegemol (I imagine his fighting style is extremely defensive, like man is a walking fortress), but then tapers off when he realizes Hegemol… Isn't joining in like he usually would. He's just standing there, silent, still in a defensive pose, staring unblinkingly into oblivion. To the point even Dryya and Isma and Ze'mer on the sidelines are like… H--Hegemol? Is everything--

And then Hegemol so quietly requests he be helped to his quarters, and all four of them immediately feel their hearts drop because something is very wrong

And Ogrim believes for a very long time (and may still believe) that he was the cause of Hegemol's decline because of that blow :sob: but really it was just coincidence that it finally rattled his head enough for the infection to break past his first barriers 😭

what if thats even part of why he leaves the palace, the fucking GUILT 😭😭😭

also I think that this would lead the other knights, probably Dryya and Ze'mer, to go request for one of the royal healers and they want to alert the pale king because Hegemol, there's only 5 of us we're very important to his ranks, he needs to know if you're not fit for --

but one of the very first times Hegemol has ever displayed anger towards his fellow knights is insisting that they not tell the king and he's fine, he will be fine, he's just tired, that's all. He will give up on arguing about a healer, though. A healer can come visit, so long as they swear to secrecy about it.

Mighty "if I cant serve my kingdom i am a failure of a knight and a failure of a bug" Hegemol one day I will make a character that is not type 2 ennegram but today is not that day

Hegemol fights so long to be able to keep up his duties and he was overworked before the illness, and now he's definitely far beyond his limits. and then the knights get called back to the palace to discuss the state of the kingdom and they're in like the war room with TPK and hegemol has honestly not been able to take in anything he's said, everything is muffled in his head except for this awful pounding, it's taking all of his strength and willpower just to remain standing perfectly at attention, staring dead ahead toward the map, the bug equivalent of sweating bullets inside his armor. Even breathing has been difficult the past few days, but he's learned how to put his entire mind into masking it.

But the the Pale King asks him his opinion on protections for the city and… Doesn't get an answer. And there's a pause, and suddenly everyone's eyes are on Hegemol as the pale king steps up to him and repeats the question, slower this time, trying to gauge just what is wrong with his most trusted knight.

And this time Hegemol manages to look down at him, but still can't find the energy to respond. And the pale king just says very calmly to the others without looking away from Hegemol's mask to call for the royal physician. All of them.

And only after all four of the other knights depart does Hegemol finally drop to a trembling knee before his king and struggle to take in the deepest breath he can.

Something is wrong with Hegemol.

i think Hegemol very much puts himself as the. like. he's not over his fellow knights but to his understanding (and probably in practice), as the eldest and one of the first, and definitely the most level headed of the group, they always defer to him for advice and tiebreaking decisions, and his opinions on things. Ogrim and Dryya both are young enough to be his squires. (in my mind the age chart is Hegemol -> Isma -> Ze'mer -> Dryya -> Ogrim, with about ~30 human equiv years between Hegemol and Ogrim). He is like their older brother and he knows this, and puts a fuck ton of pressure on himself to consistently be there for them because of it. He can't let them worry about his weakness. He can't let his king worry either -- but his king is… Over him, far over him, in rank and mind. Hegemol has served him for decades at this point. If the choice is his fellow knights or the Pale King to break down in front of, he's going to choose the king. He can't let his siblings down, but he can disappoint his commanding officer.

Something is wrong with Hegemol :((