#the aunts and uncles don't do conformation

[hazard-and-friends]

excited for k'seil being old enough to Do Things With bc the local aussie FB group is overrun with "all tailed aussies come from Bad Breeders because GOOD breeders think the standard was handed down from god on sinai"

[savingsallow]

— Val and Hairstyles

As some of you might already know, my MC—Valentine Black��loves to switch up her hair color and hairstyle from time to time. Yes, she's big on self-expression! And those displayed above are just a few of her styles. But this leads to the question: 'Why is Val's style, in general, not perfectly aligned with the standards of the Victorian era?'.

My dear friend, let me tell you why.

P.S. Shout out to my friend @ps-cactus! We share the same brain cell, so go check out hers, too!✨

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

For starters, Valentine was born with pink eyes and pink hair, hence her name. Unfortunately, when her parents passed away after a tragic incident that occurred in their own household when she was only 4. This loss triggered a dramatic transformation in her appearance—her hair turned jet black, and her eyes became emerald green.

Moreover, being part of the Black household and in the care of her Aunt Ursula who always made sure that Val conformed to the prescribed societal norms, became one of the early voices in her head that dictated her of what to do and not what to do.

That said, she always had long hair growing up.

[This is closest to what Val looked like before Hogwarts but with longer hair and always in some sort of updo. Also, don't forget that it's black]

—

Back then, when Val was a people-pleaser (due to the constant feeling that she needed it to survive and to be accepted), she had no problem following the norms. As a matter of fact, she was so good at it to the point that some of her cousins (the deranged ones) despised her.

But did that stop Val from desperately trying to follow the rules? Nope. Because she would do everything in her power to prove to her uncle and aunt that it was not a mistake to adopt her.

Thank goodness, she was a charming child, which made it easier to persuade them with the perfectly crafted character she was forced to show and perform every day. However, despite her charm, she was also naive, which made it easier for her elders to manipulate her.

Et voilà! Just when Val thought life couldn't get any harder, BAM, at 11 she was considered a Squib. Yes, a Squib in an upper-class and pure-blooded family. Oh, what a shame it must be 🙄, especially to her uncle, who almost disowned her.

Then muggle boarding school happened, where conforming to the rules felt cutthroat.

Naturally, Val who had increasingly declining self-esteem at that time, tried her very best to be 'perfect'.

The kid tried and tried until she felt like her true self was slowly leaving the frame and being replaced by the reflection of what society expected of her. And yet, her efforts were never enough, there's always more that is expected. And every day is like a hike to the mountain peak of perfection that's impossible to reach.

At some point, Val completely lost herself.

Everything started to feel exhausting; it was difficult to fit in and to top it all off, her best friend took away her own life.

As you can tell, the next few years of her life spent in the boarding school were the darkest days of her life.

Until a spark ignited. Literally. Because Val accidentally set her dormitory on fire when she was 15 and wasn't even aware of it. 👀

Some way, somehow, after that incident, she regained her pink hair and pink eyes.

This is where her Hogwarts journey began~

The summer before her fifth year was life-changing in so many ways. Not only did Val regain her old features, but she also attempted to reclaim her old self. It will take time, but she decided to turn the page and write a better chapter for her.

She went from having the 'fear of not being good enough for the society' to the 'fear of losing herself again'.

Valentine promised herself that it wouldn't happen again and she would try her best to be more of her and less of what was expected of her. This kid always had a strong sense of individuality and this time, she had the courage and chance to pursue what really makes her happy.

Cutting her hair short and changing its color often is more than just for aesthetic purposes.

It serves as a reminder to her of being free:

Free from the need to prove herself to others, free from the judgment she once feared so badly.

Most importantly, free from the chains she unknowingly created because of the haunting feeling of not being good enough.

It made her feel in control of her life for once, even if it was just a small step. To her, it's a start.

The promise of better days finally knocking on her doorstep.

A chance she will gladly take, even if there's no clear outcome in sight.

Because she knows deep down, that she would rather be herself and not be loved by everyone. Rather than being loved for not being her. And that isn't fulfilling. For Valentine, at least.

It's about expressing her true self unapologetically that matters most. Because in her defense, if you're not you, then who are you?

And I think that's a question worth pondering.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

[onaperduamedee]

Was fooling around with the concept of a WoT modern AU and ended up with a kind of breakdown of characters for adaptation purpose that was quite interesting:

Egwene: ambitious overachiever who got burnt out as a teen, never realized and has never stopped since. Sensible and resilient, but stressed to a degree. Hides it well, especially to herself. Doesn't know when to stop and not overextend herself. Strong sense of justice. She will protect the people under her care no matter what

Nynaeve: her temper is her greatest foe. Struggles to consider a POV other than hers but because she loves you she will put aside the fact that you are wrong. Stubborn and impulsive with zero self-awareness. Will never give up on you and there is nothing that will prevent her from caring. Is the one you want on a roadtrip if you don't mind the occasional commotion she accidentally started

Mat: bit of an edgelord and plays up the edgelord bit. Doesn't have a single goal in life except making money and enjoying himself. Has war tactics as special interest. Will joke and complain, but always help, even strangers, even at great cost for him. Is a magnet for people needing help

Perrin: quiet but a lot is happening inside his mind. Asks himself too many questions and tends to get stuck in his doubts. Solid, devoted and loving, even if he struggles to see himself as such. Sees himself as simple but is remarkably deep. Can be a Mr Grump

Rand: reactive, as a consequence self-isolating. Takes everything personally although he tries to project detachment. Fools no one but his emotions tend to be contagious so he badly needs people with him. Wants to do what is best and puts too much pressure on himself

Moiraine: trust issues. Will not ask for help until she is dying in a ditch. Passive aggressive but genuinely believes in you. Looks detached and in control, but has a short temper and is wracked with doubts. Is tired, doesn't know how to give up. Will be there when you need it most

Siuan: very smart. Is used to be in control and worked very hard to be in control. Down-to-earth and does not tolerate fools. Doesn't old a grudge although she will curse you. The one you want to be in a desperate situation with because she will just not throw in the towel and has a mind for problem-solving

Lan: reliable and caring on the outside, absolute mess on the inside. Will not ask for help, even when the problems become yours. Terrible coping mechanism. Ideal travel companion, especially when the travel is pretty shitty because he will get you through the soldiering on

Thom: weird absent uncle. Dates questionably younger women and disappears sometimes but will look after you when he's there. The one to call for help in a weird questionable situation if you don't want to be judged. If you don't care about being judged call Moiraine and Lan

Elayne: grew up in a very different world and as such can be oblivious to what the reality of the world is. Incapable of gauging danger correctly and as a consequence is absolutely fearless. Can be condescending, but caring and wants to do what is good for the people around her

Aviendha: chill lesbian sports girl. Earnest and devoted. Of few words. Gets bossed around far more than one would expect and doesn't really fight back which is why she makes quick friends with people who kick up a storm

Min: girl who seemed to be very free-thinking and independent on first meeting, but ends up in a conforming mold and you're not quite sure if this is really a choice or she just hung up with people who put her back in what they deemed her place. Very resourceful and friendly

Cadsuane: dopest grandma. Has had the most outrageous life. Mean old bat, but has the living experience that makes the meanness worthwhile. Picks up gadgets and latest technologies line no other although she complains about it

Verin: chill old nerd who enjoys the good simple stuff in life. Seems like a dotty aunt but is actually quite perceptive and sharp when needed. Dont act clever with her: if you think she can be taken for a fool you will lose

Elaida: is supposedly well-intentioned but is so thoroughly trapped in her point of view that she cannot see how wrong she is and how dire the situation is. Always extra and anxious, which is no explosive cocktail

[mr-laveau]

Ayo it's your boy, uhh, skinny penis- bitch you know who tf it is hi munchkin <3 xoxo

What's your listener's name and nickname? Sweetheart, name pending,,,,

What's their backstory? As you may or may not remember - My SH is Afro-Latinx, from an empowered family. The previous generation (their parents) called out DUMP on mistreatment of human born and unempowered humans (being detained, lack of jobs and representation) which started a whole commotion for the treatment of everyone but empowered humans (feeders, humanborn, and unempowered humans) and led to restructuring of DUMP. Think if there was a magical civil rights act and equal employment act. Anyway, my SH comes into play when DUMP catches them in the wrong place/wrong time and some higher ups think this is the perfect moment for revenge - either SH goes to jail and destroys their family's upright reputation and a family member's run for office OR they work for DUMP as a way to keep an eye on the family. They hate every second of it and face a lot of pressure to conform (gender presentation wise, accepting smart comments about being a stealth and some other microaggressions) but they want to protect their family.

What's the desired aesthetic of your listener character (punk, greaser, bimbo, scene kid, schoolgirl)? I'm feeling make noir sexy again. Like if you made a 1940s mafia boss in modern day and VERY sexy but also stylish. Gotta keep up with fresh to death did you see my ice Milo Greer. Pinstripes, suspenders, harnesses/holsters, etc. But like also in a bring your own gender I don't trust your gender with raisins in it kind of way.

What's your listener's gender presentation like? Yeah so gender as in mind your business. Androgynous as in I do what I want. It's masc, it's femme, it's ambiguous, it's all of the above. Really the point is constantly serving hot girl (gn) shit and looking super sexy next to Milo. They're that super hot stylish couple everyone wishes at least a little bit they dressed like because it looks effortless. My SH uses they/them pronouns and identifies as queer as in what's it to you (or genderfluid!)

What's your listener's ethnicity? Afro-Latinx! I wanted a listener who could dance bachata, okay? They're Dominican.

What's your listener's age? Ummmmmm. I think about the same age as Milo, maybe a year older? So 31 this year.

What's your listener's body type/build? Taller than Milo for SURE, I think they're like tall-tall. Like at least 5'10. Also they're a dancer and a runner (investigator things) (perhaps they were even a track star) so they've got a tall, muscular kind of body type - but don't be afraid to give them some body fat! They're strong!

What's your listener's star sign? Taurus!

What are your listener's most important relationships and who are they connected to? Their most important relationships are for SURE with their family. Since dating Milo, they finally told their family why they started working for DUMP (lots of anxiety but they were met with a lot of support and love). They are super close to their family (which is a big extended family, lots of aunt and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews and so on) and so they spend lots of time at family dinners/parties/celebrations and love to bring Milo with them. Because their family (unintentionally at first) became so politically active in Dahlia for the rights of human-born, unempowered humans, and feeders, they have a lot of political connections through their own work and through their family members - definitely in a well connected family!

What's your listener's hobbies/interests? They love to dance - big inspiration for them. They like partner dances and particularly love Bachata (something something fond memories watching their parents and family dance together and learning as they grew up) but they just like to dance in general. You will be catching them at Zumba classes at the local gym with the aunties and grandmas. They're also really connected to community events - there was a lot of distrust created by them joining DUMP and so they are really invested in their community service and improving their community. They loooove to cook, but they're a "let's cook together" not "I'm cooking get out of the kitchen" kind of person. Definitely a food experimenter and sometimes it can go badly. Also makes a mean cocktail - always invited to dinner parties or wanting to host them with Milo.

If your listener was a deity from a known mythology, what deity would they be? Why would you ask me this. I don't know! Maybe Terpsichore, one of the nine Greek muses associated with dancing? You don't understand how central dance is to this character. They are always dancing.

What Audio RP series are they from? RedactedASMR - Sweetheart

What kind of lover are they to their partner/what kind of friend are they? In a few words - silly-goofy, observant, and a whore (said with love). As for a friend, still silly-goofy and observant, but I think they're affectionate as hell. Think of a really sociable cat.

What is something/are some things that your listener values? They really value family and community - firm believer in it takes a village and we are all our brother's keeper (except of course when it comes to them because they should be able to help everyone and not need any help themselves. sweetheart things.) There is no understanding how invested they are in protecting and standing up for their community and that's why they put in 4x more work (and overtime) than others at DUMP - they believe in helping people and not going with the easy solution. So family, community, doing something you're passionate about every day, and fairness/justice.

Pick a song that you think represents your listener. https://open.spotify.com/track/3qQbCzHBycnDpGskqOWY0E?si=e8cb80d8d36a45b3 This song started making me think about songs for listeners to dance to and kind of kick-started this whole idea. I just have an image of Milo and SH dancing to this song together in the kitchen while something is simmering on the stove ok?

What's the inspiration behind your listener's design? I wanted a listener who could dance really well, and decided a speaker who DEFINITELY can dance is Milo. And then I had to figure out the whole cop thing, so here we are.

Could you give me a vague concept of what your listener's visual vibe is? Modernized sexy noir film - but if you could be the femme fatale and the detective and the criminal at any given point. Truly, they do it all.

What are some extra tidbits you wanna tell me about your listener? Neither Milo nor Sweetheart are good with scary stuff (despite them being a stealth) and neither of them are killing bugs. They call David or Asher to handle them (I think David kills them but Asher puts them outside). Sweetheart and Aggro? Best friends. Milo complains that they're closer than him and Aggro - something about a stealth having cat energy and Aggro just gets it. "The girls that get it, get it, Milo."

Laveau's Listener Design Lab - design #001 - Sweetheart - Lexi Moon

Heyyyy Lexi! Good to see you in my inbox and congrats on getting your listener as the first design for the labs! It was wonderful getting to work on a SH and your concept really stood out to me when I first saw it so I had to draw it up!

Design Notes!

For this design, your initial concepts made me think of a few people I could implement for inspirations to your SH's design. Those people being Catwoman from DC and Gomez Addams from the Addams Family!

From Gomez, I wanted to make Sweetheart's suit similar to the patterning of Gomez's while adding Catwoman's femme fatale flair to the design. You made a note where you wanted SH to look like a detective, a femme fatale and a criminal all in one go so I chose to aim for darker blues to show professionalism whilst implying a sense of mystery to the character–and of course we can't forget every femme fatale's signature bold lipstick colour. You can also see some of Catwoman's influence in the nails as I figured it'd be fun for them to make witty remarks while snapping back at Milo with hand gestures. Additionally, I decided to add a few embellishments to show SH's lack of total compliance to the dress code of D.U.M.P by giving them piercings and tattoos; The moon earrings here is my favourite because every SH should have a moon motif but also given the symbolisms associated with the moon and the energy you wanted your SH to capture, I felt it was the perfect choice; the blue rose tattoos are also fun imo because the thorns can be interpreted as restrictive shackles or as "a rose with thorns", the choice to also incorporate blue roses was also informed by my knowledge of what they mean symbolically (that being mystery, admiration, uniqueness and aspiration) . Finally, I also tailored SH's clothes to be more ready for action whilst being fashionable and danceable (including the oxford shoes I added) so they can always move unrestrained whilst also being the hottest thing that Milo ever laid eyes on.

Overall, this was a really fun concept for me to work on and I really enjoyed being able to design your listener, hope you enjoy!

wanna have your listener designed by me? Check out my rules to the Listener Design Lab and send an ask my way!

[fancyfeathers]

@zainiscompletelydone333 asked a question

ok so aside from the general "kids running away" story line i wanna make some extra headcanons if you don't mind author <3 Marguerite grows up loving outdoors. horseback riding, shooting, archery. mostly manly things. she has this weird FOMO and general desire to hate conformity that either comes from her aunt or father. she wears rather manly clothes and the people at gatherings are scandalised. albert doesn't care, he's proud his daughter can piss off the people he despises <3. although he draws the line at things that damage her health, like smoking. she was 7 when she tried to sneak in her father's room to try the open bottle of wine he left for a moment. Louis was more mortified than albert lol. tries to follow moran and james around, begs jack to teach her his ways, and occasionally meets herder to fix her guns. hyacinth used to have a crush on fred growing up, it largely had to do with the flowers he put in her hair. to hyacinth, everything in the world is too fast and quick and she feels like her fatigue makes her left behind. she grows to like fred becuase his nature is proof that being out of the loop or disconnected from society, or even people, isn't necessarily bad. it means you can appreicate little details and things. you can stop and ponder the intiricacies of things....leading her to take a liking to things like craftsmanship and fashion design. i think she has an artistic eye when it comes to her garbs, and believes her clothes and elegant get up will compensate for her rather, quieter nature. she wants to be flashy like her mother, but her personality doesn't allow it, so she constantly remains in this "i am better becuase i take time to appreicate little thins but i am not interesting enough like my mom or sister so i try on pretty dresses with an artistic expression so people will notice". despite her low energy, she has a temper and can shout, or resort to drastic measures easily like her father when overwhelmed due to keeping most of her feelings hidden. but she's very calm and witty, and knows how to make everyone laugh, even her 🩰 aunt and fred! even william or louis can't help but break out a chuckle when she makes fun of some rotten noble in a witty way though i don't know which of the twins will be more atached to their mother and which will be more to their father

Father Like Daughter (Yandere William James Moriarty and his darling having a genius daughter)

Oh my goodness yes!! Like I imagine that that the two are still insanely close despite their differences, like taking walks together, horseback riding, sneaking into their father’s study and stealing a bottle of wine (but only on evenings when Albert is not home and one of them will distract Louis while the other one snags it). I imagine that even in their teenage years that they share a room together and many nights Albert or someone else in the house would have to tell them to be quiet because it is nearing the early house of the morning and they need to sleep as well, and normally this is Marguerite keeping Hyacinth awake and her father is very cross by this because it is bad for Hyacinth’s health (then god forbid if their Uncle Louis is the one who caught them awake).

Then Marguerite, I imagine her being quite similar to her aunt, Albert’s darling’s sister who is married off to Mycroft Holmes, having a very brash personality and having opinions and doing this that put her on the outskirts of society. She is very similar Eloise from Bridgerton except her father very much approves of her personality and will probably teach her many things himself, though I imagine that he would leave shooting lessons for someone who is much more capable like Moran but will probably chaperone since it is Moran. I also have a very funny picture in my head of Jack teaching her self defense or something along those lines but she can never beat him in a fight, and one day when she lost she just hears clapping and in the doorway is her twin sister with the smallest of smirks on her face.

“Very gracefully done, sister.”

“Oh fuck you-“

“Marguerite Francesca Moriarty! Mind your language!”

“Oh he used your full name, you are in trouble.”

Her father was in the hallway, Albert cannot stand his children swearing.

Meanwhile I imagine Hyacinth and Andrei are rather close as well, imagining they both have an interest in the arts, taking her to go see plays and view galleries. She has horrible social anxiety and watches while her mother and sister can talk to people but when a stranger approaches her she gets horrible anxiety and runs off to hide behind someone like her father. She is extremely insecure about her condition and will often withdraw herself so it will never get in the way, she wants to be apart of things but can never push herself to do so. I imagine a lot of the time where the family goes out to attend social events that she forces herself to be awake and active for much of it as to keep up with her brother and sister, ignoring the pain in her joints and muscles, but eventually her father will notice…

“Louis, can take Hyacinth home? I think she is getting quite exhausted.

“Father, I am fine-“

“And you are a horrible liar, you get that from your mother.”

I think her enjoyment for fashion comes from the times she would stay home from events because of her lack of energy, I imagine her sitting in the garden while Fred is working and looking through old photographs from when her mother was in the marriage market before she married father and she would wear beautiful dresses that her grandmother, the twins’ great grandmother, who lived in Paris would make for her and send out to their granddaughter for her to wear. Then when her mother and father would return home from their outing she would ask her other about them and in that moment there was a light in her mother’s eyes before she took her daughter’s hand and les her up to her and Albert’s shared room and took out a trunk from the back of the closet and opened it and inside where all the dresses and jewelry she used to wear that her grandmother made her. So she finds a new hobby in repairing these dresses while her family is on outings she cannot go on, I imagine they end up looking like dresses from Bridgerton. So when she goes out to high society events she can handle, all eyes are on her, because while the dresses are dated for the time they are absolutely beautiful, intricate and detailed, catching the eye of many young men her age, after all it is considered quite attractive to have a wife with such an eye for detail. Though while Albert his daughter is finding herself through such expression, he is not so happy of the attention it brings.

(I made a Pinterest board for Hyacinth (link))

[woman-for-women]

hii! i was wondering if there was anywhere I could message you privately? i’m a 14 year old girl who socially IDed as FtM for 5 years but now want to detransition and I don’t know where to go or where to start. xx

Hi! Firstly, you can message me, but if that's something that makes you uncomfortable, I can try to point you to resources right here! Feel free to send other asks :)

Talk to a trusted adult in your life. It could be a parent, an aunt/uncle, a teacher, or an older sibling. The adults in your life probably want the best for your health and happiness. It's great if you reach out to me, but at the end of the day, the adults in your life know you the best and would probably want you to talk to them first before a stranger on the internet. I'm guessing your parents will probably be open to hearing what you have to say.

Contact your doctor or a local gender clinic and ask if they can point you towards detransitioning resources.

Search online and see if there are any detransition support groups near you (unlikely this will pan out, but it's worth a try). If you happen to know anyone who has detransitioned, you can also reach out to them.

If you are able to, please look into counseling. If you are dysphoric, you can ask for a counselor that will help you explore your discomfort with your body/gender roles and reconcile your relationship with your body. I’d avoid any therapists who advertise themselves as LGBTQIA2S+ friendly: they may be well meaning, but their primary method of treatment for dysphoria will likely be transition. Therapists and other mental health professionals tend to have bios where they list their background and what they specialize in: I'd suggest looking for a therapist who is female, and possibly someone who is comfortable gender non-conforming (someone who doesn't see being unhappy with gender roles or gender non-conforming as being the same as being trans). I went to a counselor who was an older lesbian. You can also send an email to Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA) to see if they can match you with a therapist.

You can journal how you feel. It doesn't need to be fancy (it can be a notes page on your phone or some binder paper, but if journaling with markers and stickers and washi tape helps, you can do that too). Ask yourself what made you feel like you weren't or couldn't be a woman/girl? What does the thought of detransitioning make you feel? It can just be how you feel in general. If you're comfortable, you can also share your journal with a trusted adult or counselor. Or, it can just be for your eyes only.

Work on improving your integrity and comfort with your body. It helps you feel wonderful feelings, taste your favorite foods, see beautiful things... your body is not trying to hurt you or work against you. For example, your body is not menstruating because it is "punishing" you for not being pregnant (this is something I heard a lot growing up). Menstruation is just something female bodies do. It's vital to regulating your hormonal health, bone density, and weight. While yes, you can get pregnant and be a parent if you choose to as an adult, your body is not telling you to do anything. Your bodily functions are not a mandate. You exist for you!

Try to avoid seeing your body as a problem, or as fractured parts you want to fix: your body is just your body. Don't think of your body as a decorative object you need to change to please anyone. Your body exists for you and (most importantly) your body is you. Treating your body well is part of treating yourself well.

To improve your relationship with your body, I would recommend picking a sport or physical activity. Do something you like that makes you comfortable! If wearing a swimsuit fills you with dread, wear a more modest one or don't pick swimming. It can be as simple as walking, stretching, or yoga in your room. The point of a physical activity is not just to keep in shape, but to feel how your body is capable of doing whatever you want it to. Your body doesn't have to look a certain way for that.

Your image of your body and your comfort with being female might also improve if you take a social media break. I know it can be hard, but try to commit to a short break (a week, a month). Use this time to read, listen to music, draw, relax, exercise... whatever will keep you happy and healthy. Social media is saturated with images of sexualized, objectified, and impossibly thin women. It can be stressful to feel like you don't "measure up" to what the Internet tells you a woman is supposed to be. Take this time to remind yourself that you don't need to imitate these people to be happy.

I would also recommend you unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel bad about your body or talk about transitioning and gender all the time (you can always refollow later). Focus on how you feel about your body and yourself, not what other people promote.

What or how you decide to change socially, who you tell, or how you say it is up to you. You don't need to disclose why you're detransitioning either. You can just tell people you've decided it wasn't for you or that you'd like to go by your old name/pronouns. Don't let anyone, especially other transitioned peers, pressure you into doing or revealing anything you don't want to. If you have a friend group of trans peers your age, don't let them make you feel bad! You have the right to do what's best for you. If you have friends that aren't supportive of you doing what's best for you, it might be best to look for a new friend group.

If you've been happiest dressing in "boy" clothes or doing certain "boy" activities, none of that has to change when you detransition! Detransitioning should be about accepting that your natal biological sex is female. Being female is a neutral fact, like being brunette or being 167 cm. Being female has no bearing on what you can do, who you can love, what professions, hobbies, or interests you have... that's all gender. You don't have to change how you dress, think, feel, act, talk, etc. None of these things can disqualify you from being a woman or girl. Just be yourself and know there's no wrong way to be female.

Being a woman or girl can be scary. Menstruation sucks, sexual harassment sucks, sexism sucks. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, and that's other women and girls! Reach out to them. They are your lifeline. Build friendships. There are other women and girls just like you. You are never alone.

On that note, having positive female role models and consuming books/TV shows/movies/music by and about women can help you feel better about detransitioning and reconciling with being female.

Don't discount the wisdom of older women! They're not nags, shrews, or "Karens". They're female, too. Many of them have likely felt what you feel.

Detransitioning doesn't mean you need to feel a certain type of way on gender or trans issues. Don't let radical feminists, conservatives, or trans-rights activists bully you into saying or doing what suits their narrative. It's your life, so do what's right for you!

Lastly, here are some resources I would recommend, both about transition and detransition:

A Booklet on Gender Detransition

The risks of binding

Testosterone use and pelvic health

Maybe this is silly, but this comic helped me feel a lot better when I first saw it.

Cosmic Uterus by Ida Neverdahl

Edit: I added some things to the list. Before I forget — the prevailing narrative told to dysphoric and trans-identifying teens is that you need to transition, you need to go on hormones, you need to do xyz or you will die. This is not true. Most dysphoric youth who do not medically transition end up as happy, alive adults. (If you are having suicidal thoughts, please tell a trusted adult or call a hotline). So I’m going to tell you instead what I was told, and what other lesbian, gay, and bisexual kids were told growing up: it gets better. I promise it does. You are so brave. You are going to be okay <3

[natyune-writes]

is there a correct way to be a victim?

are victims invalidated if they express anger? are they less human if they grow frustrated with complacency? are they less deserving of respect if they don't conform to the image of helplessness often attributed to victimhood?

besides, is it really the bad if you can talk about it? oh, you don't talk about it THAT much, so it must not be a big deal. didn't you hear? the perpetrator called the victim a LIAR, so are you sure it really happened that way? don't mind the mountains of evidence, that doesn't mean anything in the international court of social media. speaking of, please, stop talking about "the war" so much, you'll make people uncomfortable. but if you don't talk about the genocide enough, you are complacent. and calling it a genocide and wishing to be free makes you antisemitic. besides, why do you care so much? you don't live there anymore, it shouldn't matter to you.

does my culture not matter? does my family not matter?

why are some cultures more worthy of saving than others? why are some people more worthy of life than others? why are some people allowed to express their victimhood, but others are not? you would think that children, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, civilians - they would be allowed to be victims, caught in the crossfire of a war between extremists. but the media and the politicians of america have decided otherwise.

the message is clear. palestinians are not victims. palestinians are not humans. palestinians are not worthy of life, liberty, happiness. no. ALL palestinians are extremists. ALL palestinians are worthy of death.

i once joked that america thought more highly of dogs than palestinians. i joked that america had more laws in place to protect dogs and cats than they did to protect palestinains.

i am realizing suddenly that this is no joke. it is the truth. i am nothing more than scum of the earth.

people all around the world are praying on my downfall. and i am falling apart.

[squishylemonbubbles]

idk if i've talked about it but i try to put attention into making trans related dialogue sort of, more realistic to the setting and characters. i'm sure it's not perfect even so, but hey, i try my best

kiryu uses "born in the wrong body" language rather than "transgender" because that's the way he first learned and due to prison didn't get to keep up with the lingo. he understands it at this point but when actually reaching for explanations, it's usually not the first word that comes to his mind, at least not until later

nishida on the other hand embraces "transgender" and specifically "trans woman". she's sort of iffy on phrases like "male to female", mainly in that she realises she always felt this "female way" and just never had guidance to figure it out. her childhood self was a little girl, just as she now is a grown woman.

rikiya also embraces "transgender", specifically relating to phrases like "female to male" and "a girl who grew into a man". he doesn't mind being casual about it, either, and he would personally fight anyone who has a problem with him for it.

there are two things i really try to avoid:

for one, characters self applying english terms (genderfluid and genderqueer for example) unless i can find that there seems to be substantial usage in japanese, like with transgender. i use these in meta for discussion and tagging sake because those are the words i'm familiar with, but i don't use these in-character.

i let other explanations do the work: haruka's "there's a boy and a girl in his heart" for instance, and kiryu joking "sometimes the boy raids the girl's closet" to explain his non-conformity.

and for two, characters directly referencing pronouns - japanese doesn't do pronouns like that and it throws me for a loop when i see it in other fics - though i don't blame people for not knowing. so while i have to use pronouns in narration and dialogue, and i change them accordingly, there isn't any spiteful "and SHE says..." or cheery "i go by he/him!"

again i let other words and explanations take the stage. for example, how nishida's mother's internal monologue turns to reference nishida as her daughter and offering the name hiroko, or the way the kids switch between aunt and uncle.

i hope that all kind of makes sense?

[farasen]

ok but what about DWK ships having kids .... Deniz n Leon both have their issues to work through separately, and maybe THEN they could be good dads. To his credit, I think Leon would put a lot of effort into becoming a more stable person for the sake of his kids, maybe because of his own past trauma with his mom. Natascha and Vanessa might run into the problem that both seem like women who would not want to conform to societal ideas of motherhood - I don't think either of them really wants kids, especially Vanessa. Natascha/Markus are the straight couple who kind of mess up their kids n then get a divorce. I like them but it is true. Jojo and Markus couuuld be cute dads, but Jojo would do the heavy lifting and Markus has to go to therapy. Vanessa n Leon are like Markus and Natascha just worse because they make each other worse. Vanessa/Marlon could work, because Marlon probably would be a good stay at home dad and thus relieve Vanessa of the pressure to be a "good woman/mother". Marlon/Kong .... Controversial take maybe but i could see it work lmao? Marlon would obviously be a great dad, but I also think Kong has the potential. The entire plot of S2E6 is that he is able to be nice and fair if he is told/wants to be, so maybe if he works on himself... There is also endless hilarious potential in some kid having a dad who is the best dad ever and the sweetest guy etc etc and then another dad who is a killing machine. Willi and Hadschi do not need to be discussed, they already are fathers of 7.

Raban is vibing in bitchlessness

Like your interpretations

I do believe Leon and Deniz would try their best to be good parents, but I also think they'd have a bit different views on parenting (Deniz giving a lot of freedom to their kids and Leon advocating for a strict punishment)

Leon and Vanessa would be a MESS. Like yeah it's all funny games to pick on each other and fall apart only to get back together, until you have a kid observing your emotional swings

I like to think that Natasha and Markus would make good parents tho. Or more of good uncle and aunt, I don't really think they'd want children of their own.

Natasha and Vanessa would also be a mess, especially Vanessa. Though I think she'd work through her internalized misogyny and be less pissy about femininity, she'd still would fail to fail this picture of a perfect mother. She most likely wouldn't even want kids

Marlin and Kong could work if Kong works through his shit, but agree on the rest

[japanifornication]

8, 9, and 10!

hi ash!!

8. common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about.

the "grape juice" just being grape juice. i'm in the "it's wine" camp for a few reasons (relating to the history of video-game development and ratings in relation to alcohol, the context in-game, what we know about shu takumi himself and phoenix's character, etc.) and i will die on this hill. but i also am not going to get into it with people, because i understand it's a sensitive subject.

9. worst part of canon

the 7 year gap?! i honestly truly believe that it only is 7 years because capcom and/or the game directors/writers wanted the delay between aa4 & aa5 to make sense and to have a reason to make the characters older. i think there is reason to have there be a few years of phoenix being disbarred there but 7 is an insane amount actually.

10. worst part of fanon

i could name so many things here. honestly. i started writing fic before i started engaging in the fandom and was so surprised by what i found lol. i don't like to be a little hater, i like to let people have their hcs and all that but it's wild to me how many have been adopted by the larger fandom no questions asked. so i'm going to name a few.

phoenix with heterochromia. i just don't like this one personally, i know they changed his eye color in the games and that's why people do it but like... so just pick one?

"uncle miles," especially in nrmt fics??? maybe this is just my own experience talking here, but my parents both had partners that i met growing up and none of them were referred to by aunt or uncle. you would think with how much issue people in this fandom take with shipping characters who aren't related but have a relationship that are like family (i am not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, i am pretty much with you) that this would automatically be something they wouldn't do, but then they have trucy call miles "uncle" when he's sleeping with her dad. i promise you trucy can handle knowing her dad has a boyfriend or a maybe-boyfriend or a complicated relationship with his best friend or however you want to write it.

and regarding the above, just all of the forced family roles that get given to characters. i don't mind some of it, i think that maya and phoenix might as well be siblings and refer to each other as such, and same with edgeworth and franziska. but i don't think found family needs to actually be forced into rigid labeled boxes like aunt and uncle and daughter and dad. i don't think franziska needs to be trucy's aunt or pearl needs to be edgeworth's niece or edgeworth needs to be kay's dad or stuff like that, i think they can all just be close and can be family for each other and fill in roles like that without needing to be called that. you know. like how we often do it in real life. and how do people who do have an issue with shipping people who are like family to each other not also see the issue with forcing characters into those boxes but then shipping the niece and the daughter...? i just don't get it i'm sorry 💀 just throw the whole box out. let people be close without making them conform to an Actual Family Hierarchy and your life will be better for it i promise.

steps down from my soapbox.

[female-malice]

[So we don't pay attention to heterosexual patterns the way heterosexual children do. Straight people are the ones who are more invested in gendered cultural expectations.]

but there's plenty of gay people who are gender conforming? and you've got straight people who are gnc, albeit rare?

i've been getting criticized about the way i still talk and walk since i was younger than i would have to be to realize. have met gay men like that, too.

still not an answer to why i've turned out to be a tomboy and some other lesbian or straight or bi girl didn't.

We don't pay attention to heterosexual patterns. That doesn't mean all gay people have the same personality. It means the opposite. It means we don't edit ourselves to fit gender roles.

Straight people do edit themselves to fit gender roles.

So as children, gay kids are just doing whatever we happen to be interested in. We play with whatever colors, textures, patterns, materials, and activities randomly and arbitrarily catch our attention. So of course we aren't all identical.

Straight kids are interested in all the random and arbitrary colors and activities as well. But they're also aware of their parents dynamic, their grandparents, their aunts and uncles. They know on some level that heterosexual gender roles are relevant to their lives. They imagine their futures and heterosexual weddings and they understand how gender fits in there. So they edit themselves to fit gender.

If there was no such thing as gender roles, straight kids would grow up like gay kids. Their interests would be arbitrary and random and they'd have more variety in self expression.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary59

11/9-10/2023

thursday - friday

weird dreams lately.

first i'll write about the dream i had today, and then i might right about the dream i had yesterday. before that, re: guest tonight, they cancelled, a relief i think.

~

the dream:

i can't recall where it began, i was on vacation with family, it felt like spain, the house we were in was my cousin's old place, their second house, while my uncle was a still alive, on my mom's side. except the bathroom, the bathroom was an inverted, dirty copy, of the bathroom of my uncle's place on my dad's side. but the dream, i was in it, the middle of it, the architecture was like spain and this house i was in was tall, two stories high maybe, there were pieces i never saw, to join all the pieces i recognized. i was hanging out the window, a room that never existed in that house, there was another window right beside it, and i was leaning on a metal fence, a shallow balcony, out from the black of the other window, japanese tourists, they leaned and spoke with me, they said i was good at japanese, the blue sky was at the edges of my vision, perfect frame on white stucco, the woman wearing 00s shibuya kei clothing was very enthused, eventually asking me about money. i said i had none, she said, that's too bad. she left. i went to the bathroom. it was grey-blue, green was there too, a swamp at night or no, not a swamp, nothing so damp, it was where a pond, white sand, weak trees, moss on stones, and the gentle dying of frigidness in the air, spring's birth, but still being born, you don't know if it will be a stillbirth, and horrific and sad. no one had been there in years, a ruin, not disgusting though, even though these three creatures on the mirror, clouding the mirror, three moths with bat-sized wings, wings of paper or gauze or mache, something stuck and wet on the mirror, vessels beating lightly, organic folding and unfolding, curling of burnt, wet paper, the creatures overlapping one another, new collages of wasted, dirty, material. they had been there as long as the place had been. the sink was full of water, they separated from their wings, not caterpillars really, maggots, with mandibles moving as lips, expressive but inhuman eyes, bugs still, no human features, the creatures were as they were, not related to me, but mandibles as a new approach on lips, eye contact re-invented too. the three spoke inaudible. i felt bad for them. the sink was glass, i watched them tumble. they moved as ice cubes do, when you drop them in water, never settling. i kept looking at the paper mache wings, now rotting, not moving, vessels still and everything. i kept thinking about how they had been moving, i keep thinking about it still, in life, i have never seen anything like it, i knew that then. i left the bathroom. i didn't go in there for any reason. my aunt was in a room, there was a computer, there had to be, not for any reason other than: i sensed it, or i sense it now in the image of her face, we were in the kitchen, kitchen adjacent maybe, but my eyes held her face more than any piece of the room, and so the room conformed to her face, lighting was warm, fleshy but not fleshtone, orange of old lamps, wood was around. she was in my face, she asked how i was enjoying things, i said fine, she said i should go buy some things, enjoy myself, i said i have no money, she began to cry, really weeping for me, makeup she did not have on before began to run, mascara, eyeliner, i can't recall the color of her real eyes, in the dream they were blue, and she was so mortified, inconsolable, it was like i had died in front of her. she said: you can't do anything, i am so worried about you, you can't do anything in the world, how am i supposed to help, i can't help you, i can't save you. it at least felt like all that. strangely, remembering now, in the dream, i was wearing some very raggy dress, like one i have, interesting i was like that in front of my family. she was miserable, i went away, miserable too, terrified for what i might be able to do.

the dream's final phase, i was in the garage, my uncle pulls in, he hands me a bag, the bag contains these black bellpeppers, he is then with them, on a paper plate, a tiny knife beside them, i begin to cut them, i take barely anything out of it, the tiny knife is too thin, aluminum almost and the inside of the thing is very very green. he stares, shocked. i say: is this the knife you normally use for this, after struggling a while. he said, making eyes at me, brows raised, like, you're so stupid, eyes: uh, no. and i looked all over, desperate for the knife i use when i cut anything at home, wooden handle, i kept saying it has to be around, it was nowhere. i use this knife, it's been in the family forever, it's my grandma's, how strange. i woke up there, panicked over the knife.

~

the other dream:

in japan with my gf, her mother, her brother too. in the hotel, my gf says that she needs to get some work done, i say, okay. i go off with the others. it's night, her mom drops her brother and i off somewhere, a giant mall or casino, her mom is in this vast parking lot and i run off to the car again, something fell out of the car supposedly. the parking lot was like the ones in america, nothing like in japan, a tarmac ocean. i return, her brother is talking to a girl, she speaks english very well, she said she had coke, her brother promised me he'd only drink, the building was connected to a subway station too, the overhead awning's bulbs glistened funny in the tunnel that met parking lot and went off somewhere else. i didn't want to deal with his drug binge, he was skinnier in the dream, super skinny, and his facial hair thin and weird, ratlike. i abandon him, and without money i can't get on the rail line. i wandered into the night, it became day, but it's not that time passed, time had decided to change, it became overcast day, it felt almost like early morning, that kind of tranquility. i stared into/at expensive and tall department stores, like i saw in kyoto irl, that big shopping zone. i walked into a big park central to all the shopping zone. i walked to this enclosure in the center, an iron fence, not like chainlink, upright, spikes from earth with brick dividers, a pond, an island, evergreen trees, a tiny godzilla standing on a stone on the shore throwing tiny rocks at passersby. i climbed the fence to try and get into the enclosure to meet him, he was magical under the grey sky, and his back and head were shiny, not in a real way, but it projected an aura. i realized, he is a man in a suit, i climbed back down. it began pouring then, i walked into a tiny store, situated in an abortive strip mall, atrophied american architecture, it was on a hill. i stood outside, getting rained on, reading signs about how you should behave in the store, written in english with sharpie on paper, hung off strings, hundreds of rules, some in red, underlined. a man speaking perfect english welcomed me in, in an unhappy way, there was food hanging off the walls, pastries, bread, that kind of thing, also strung up on the walls and down from the ceiling. dangling and spinning lightly. a pantry full of ingredients, a glass case for refrigerated items too. the sign outside had something to do with clothing. the owner came out, a kind french man who also spoke perfect english, he brought me over to this giant armoire, he said look, i looked, many tulle dresses, they all struck me. one had construction on the shoulders i quite liked, cylindrical and bouncy, spongey too kind of, it reminded me of translucent sea cucumbers. he talked about rockstars. he showed me lingere for when i'm at home, one was a body suit, i thought explicitly about how well it would fit me, if i could make that work. it was pretty and pink, red ribbons and bows across it too, white accents, i stared at his face, saying i would remember to come back with my gf, as i had no money. i woke up then.

these dreams are weird, they correspond to things i really remember happening, especially today's dream. anyway, i think i know what they mean (i have no money, i can't do anything, i am scared of family). but that's not the exciting part, i like writing my dreams so i can keep these images, for other pieces of writing, it's all easy enough to reformulate. anyway on the anywayyy, today i didn't do a lot, i ate leftovers and didn't make cookies, maybe saturday. tomorrow supposedly there is a birthday for someone my gf knows that i don't know well, the theme is taking your breasts out or like hooters something. i don't have breasts really and i don't have fake things or like prosthetics. but there's a contest they're having for best nip-slip, i could wear a loose dress for that, if i want to. it feels weird and i don't know if i'll go, but it would be fun i guess to lean into something disheveled, as a look. would they appreciate that, how do they see me, i don't know. is that weird, i think sometimes i really just want too much attention. not sometimes, all the time i want too much attention. it's ugly but it's something really horrifically deep inside. that thought spurred on some writing. it's funny how i thought this might make me a less productive writer, but the diary has really spurred more on than not. and no one has to be looking for that to happen. i really can do it myself, for myself. i may not have any money but that's a level of independence some people never get i guess, right. or maybe that's a fantasy. either way, putting something in public and not expecting anyone to see it is interesting. the thing that really keeps our lives private are just interest, and the willingness people have to pry. who would pry, who cares about me. that's fun to think about i think. all those people obsessed with opsec are just paranoid that they matter a lot. it's like explaining away why they aren't popular. you can spew every detail of the psychosexual disaster you are into the void, and no one will care. it's interesting how i can't tell if that's a tragedy or not.

i also finished the rewrite on the song roughly, meaning it's slotted in, there's drums, some little parts alongside it, now i'm just thinking of how to mix a little, and the 2nd pv riff part and how to fit it in better, and also this crazy part, i wanna amp that up. writing riffs like that is addictive, i'd like to try and get another thing out like that now but i think before then, i should just fuck around on guitar a lot, get some ideas out while i try and get a bunch of other stuff done. soon i should finish the single and the b side, before this interview comes out. not that i'm gonna get any interest from that.

now i am just listening to pg.99. typical, of me. there's a photo i took of a flower above.

it takes a lot of finesse to write parts like this. i don't think a lot of new bands realize that, these really exploratory and droning pieces, it takes a lot to get there i think. i dunno, it's an incomplete theory but too many bands just want to get there, and they end up deep in cliches, or used by the cliches, to further the aim of some parasite stuck to art, sentiment's evil head. being able to use that for your own ends, like when pg99 jumps into one of their weird gothy waltz songs, there's something really amazing about those to me, freely engaging with something that feels cheap and using that to highlight something wounded and terrible.

anyway:

byebye!!!!!

[womenfrommars]

Just wanted to say that being gender non-conforming isn't always something you can control. I've been that way since I was a child, and it was always obvious. My parents made sure to buy me girl's clothes, but they couldn't help that I sat like a boy (don't ask me what that means- ask my aunt and uncle who'd beat me for it), or that I 'talked' like a boy, or that I apparently swore as one. I never wanted anyone to suspect I was gay, but there isn't a lot of "choice", when you're gender non-conforming without even knowing you are. It's comparable to how people can tell when effeminate gay boys are gay, even before they display any attraction to the opposite sex.

I know this is about that conversation of 'entering a het relationship increases the risk of facing violence' that's going around right now- but I don't see why lesbians always get dragged into it. Straight women staying single and lesbians being closeted isn't the same.

Straight women who stay single aren't "closeted", they don't need to lie and pretend they don't find women/men attractive, nor do they need to hide the fact that they're attracted to the sex they're attracted to. They can be themselves, just without having a relationship. This isn't comparable to lesbians having to hide every ounce of their sexual orientation and often even make excuses for how they behave, or change how they look.

Sitting with your legs wide open and swearing are both choices you make and neither of said choices are inherent to your sexuality, demeanor or personality. Plenty of girls (regardless of their sexual orientation) had to unlearn said behaviours due to scolding from relatives and teachers. As a child I would often "sit like a frog" as my teacher called it, and I wasn't allowed to do it anymore, and eventually I taught myself to sit in other positions. By the time I was 12 many of the kids in my class started using swear words and I picked up on it also, but eventually toned it down as per my own choice.

Lesbians don't get "dragged into" the debate. Rather, they willingly involve themselves by giving (unwanted) advice to heterosexual women when they are in no position to offer said advice. If you feel zero attraction to men, you are in no position to give feminist commentary on said attraction and pretend your lack of attraction makes you inherently more objective than us.

And no, celibacy as a heterosexual is not exactly the same as celibacy as a homosexual but they are similar enough to be compared, in my opinion. The bottom line is that celibacy is not the answer to social issues regarding sexuality. Celibacy will not make homophobia nor domestic violence disappear and it is misleading to suggest otherwise. Not to mention it puts all of the blame on the recipients of abuse instead of the perpetrators. Like I said, I could sit here and offer advice to lesbian women in the form of "be feminine and celibate and you are much less likely to face homophobia" but you would understand why that would be wrong for me to say, hopefully

[cromulentenough]

you said you weren't sure if Judaism has a "no mixed marriages thing" and yes it does! a jewish woman cannot legally marry an non jewish man or secular jewish man in a synagogue,and they are generally only considered married in their communities if they marry in a synagogue. to do otherwise is basically banned under jewish law because all jewish families must conform to traditional jewish laws in some way. a jewish boy is only ever considered a grown man at puberty(bar mitzvah) without bri Shiloh(idk if i spelled that right sorry my memory i bad) so basically if i moved into a jewish community i would be rejected by any rabi's or my jewish side of my family because i am an athiest and cannot have children nor do i wish to get married for disability/trauma concerns. these are all against jewish laws. so if a jewish person marries,they have to stay within religious and genetic heratige, to fufill jewish law. my bio family is mixed jewish and native and a bunch of things and my grandpa was never considered jewish because he was forcibly converted to Christianity and his father was too,by his wife. if a jewish person does not help convert their partner,their marriage is considered null and void so we cannot mix with other people without losing any claim to our community and thus we are only jewish if the mother is a jewish cishet woman and the father is a jewish cishet man,because it is incredibly rare for a secular or lgbt person to be joined in marriage. it is also not possible for a jewish man to marry a muslim woman etc etc without being often shunned and considered "race mixing" or "invalid" so intermarriage is incredibly rare and even still,they don't get the same privileges as an non mixed couple

my uncle had to fully convert before marrying my aunt,as is considered the norm for every single marriage between an practising jew and an an ethnic and religious gentle.

yeah it's similar in islam. Muslim women can only marry muslim men, but muslim men can marry non muslim women (but their children must be raised muslim and he should try to convert her).

[woman-for-women]

So usually I wouldn’t ask for advice of this genre, but I’m genuinely worried. I think my already abusive parents are catching on that I’m a trans guy. I seriously want to detransition but it almost feels physically painful. What do I do? For context, I’m pre-op, pre basically everything. I still look like a girl and stuff.

Hi! I'm sorry you're going through this. I would consider myself dysphoric/desisted, but not truly detrans because I didn't truly socially (de)transition or medically (de)transition. I have some suggestions (adapted from one of my earlier asks on this topic), but it might be useful to talk to detransitioned women to get another perspective.

Talk to a trusted adult in your life. It could be a parent, an aunt/uncle, a teacher, or an older sibling. The adults in your life generally want the best for your health and happiness. If your parents are abusive or you are afraid to tell an adult you are trans, you can just tell them you are distressed with you body/gender roles and want help.

Contact your doctor or a local gender clinic and ask if they can point you towards detransitioning resources (if you have medically transitioned)

Search online and see if there are any detransition support groups near you (unlikely this will pan out, but it's worth a try). If you happen to know anyone who has detransitioned, you can also reach out to them.

If you are able to, please look into counseling. If you are dysphoric, you can ask for a counselor that will help you explore your discomfort with your body/gender roles and reconcile your relationship with your body. I’d avoid any therapists who advertise themselves as LGBTQIA2S+ friendly: they may be well meaning, but their primary method of treatment for dysphoria will likely be transition. Therapists and other mental health professionals tend to have bios where they list their background and what they specialize in: I'd suggest looking for a therapist who is female, and possibly someone who is comfortable gender non-conforming (someone who doesn't see being unhappy with gender roles or gender non-conforming as being the same as being trans). I went to a counselor who was an older lesbian. You can also send an email to Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA) to see if they can match you with a therapist.

If you can't go to counseling, I strongly recommend this DBT Workbook (the link is to a free PDF version). Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a way to cope with distress and improve your distress tolerance through different techniques.

You can journal how you feel. It doesn't need to be fancy (it can be a notes page on your phone or some binder paper, but if journaling with markers and stickers and washi tape helps, you can do that too). Ask yourself what made you feel like you weren't or couldn't be a woman/girl? What does the thought of detransitioning make you feel? It can just be how you feel in general. If you're comfortable, you can also share your journal with a trusted adult or counselor. Or, it can just be for your eyes only.

Work on improving your integrity and comfort with your body. It helps you feel wonderful feelings, taste your favorite foods, see beautiful things... your body is not trying to hurt you or work against you. For example, your body is not menstruating because it is "punishing" you for not being pregnant (this is something I heard a lot growing up). Menstruation is just something female bodies do. It's vital to regulating your hormonal health, bone density, and weight. While yes, you can get pregnant and be a parent if you choose to as an adult, your body is not telling you to do anything. Your bodily functions are not a mandate. You exist for you!

Try to avoid seeing your body as a problem, or as fractured parts you want to fix: your body is just your body. Don't think of your body as a decorative object you need to change to please anyone. Your body exists for you and (most importantly) your body is you. Treating your body well is part of treating yourself well.

To improve your relationship with your body, I would recommend picking a sport or physical activity. Do something you like that makes you comfortable! If wearing a swimsuit fills you with dread, wear a more modest one or don't pick swimming. It can be as simple as walking, stretching, or yoga in your room. The point of a physical activity is not just to keep in shape, but to feel how your body is capable of doing whatever you want it to. Your body doesn't have to look a certain way for that.

Your image of your body and your comfort with being female might also improve if you take a social media break. I know it can be hard, but try to commit to a short break (a week, a month). Use this time to read, listen to music, draw, relax, exercise... whatever will keep you happy and healthy. Social media is saturated with images of sexualized, objectified, and impossibly thin women. It can be stressful to feel like you don't "measure up" to what the Internet tells you a woman is supposed to be. Take this time to remind yourself that you don't need to imitate these people to be happy.

I would also recommend you unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel bad about your body or talk about transitioning and gender all the time (you can always refollow later). Focus on how you feel about your body and yourself, not what other people promote.

What or how you decide to change socially, who you tell, or how you say it is up to you. You don't need to disclose why you're detransitioning either. You can just tell people you've decided it wasn't for you or that you'd like to go by your old name/pronouns. Don't let anyone, especially other transitioned peers, pressure you into doing or revealing anything you don't want to. If you have a friend group of trans peers your age, don't let them make you feel bad! You have the right to do what's best for you. If you have friends that aren't supportive of you doing what's best for you, it might be best to look for a new friend group.

If you've been happiest dressing in "boy" clothes or doing certain "boy" activities, none of that has to change when you detransition! Detransitioning should be about accepting that your natal biological sex is female. Being female is a neutral fact, like being brunette or being 167 cm. Being female has no bearing on what you can do, who you can love, what professions, hobbies, or interests you have... that's all gender. You don't have to change how you dress, think, feel, act, talk, etc. None of these things can disqualify you from being a woman or girl. Just be yourself and know there's no wrong way to be female.

Being a woman or girl can be scary. Menstruation sucks, sexual harassment sucks, sexism sucks. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, and that's other women and girls! Reach out to them. They are your lifeline. Build friendships. There are other women and girls just like you. You are never alone.

On that note, having positive female role models and consuming books/TV shows/movies/music by and about women can help you feel better about detransitioning and reconciling with being female.

Don't discount the wisdom of older women! They're not nags, shrews, or "Karens". They're female, too. Many of them have likely felt what you feel.

Detransitioning doesn't mean you need to feel a certain type of way on gender or trans issues. Don't let radical feminists, conservatives, or trans-rights activists bully you into saying or doing what suits their narrative. It's your life, so do what's right for you!

Lastly, here are some resources I would recommend, both about transition and detransition:

A Booklet on Gender Detransition

The risks of binding

Testosterone use and pelvic health

The LGB Alliance USA also runs a virtual group for adult dysphoric women every other Wednesday

Detransition may feel painful now, but I truly think accepting my body and working hard to deal with distressing thoughts like dysphoria has improved my quality of life a lot. It will take work, but freeing yourself from the expectations of gender and treating dysphoria like any other body dysmorphia (as that can be improved over time) is a lot better in the long run than trying to obsessively tailor every aspect of your life to be gender affirming to lessen your feelings of dysphoria.

The prevailing narrative told to dysphoric and trans-identifying teens is that you need to transition, you need to go on hormones, you need to do xyz or you will die. This is not true. Most dysphoric youth who do not medically transition end up as happy, alive adults. (If you are having suicidal thoughts, please tell a trusted adult or call a hotline). So I’m going to tell you instead what I was told, and what other lesbian, gay, and bisexual kids were told growing up: it gets better, and you are going to be okay <3

[joandfriedrich]

Do you have any headcanons of their sons and nephews?

I have a few for the Modern AU, I don't know if that is what you wanted but I wanted to share them.

Felix (Franz) and Ezra (Emil)

Felix and Ezra had been wards to Friedrich ever since they were babies, Ezra being born only a week and Felix when he was shy of turning two. Their parents die a week between each other, and they had no memories of their parents, and even had mistakenly called Friedrich “dad”, while Friedrich does everything he can to keep the memory of their parents alive in any way he can.

Celebrating Father’s day and Mother’s day the same way, with Friedrich sharing stories, pictures and even home videos of their parents and going to their graves to pay respect. But, both Felix and Ezra make sure to let Friedrich know how much they love and appreciate him as a surrogate father and Friedrich is always touched.

Felix is more quiet and nerdy compared to the goofy and outgoing Ezra, but they are both bright and mature boys, always ready to help their cousins, Kitty and Minnie, and they look up to Friedrich thinking he is one of the best men they have ever known. 

They call him Uncle Fritz, a nickname that only Minna had called him, and he was happy to hear them call him that, as if it was like hearing his sister again. He also taught them German in order to remain close to their roots, and it was always helpful whenever they wanted to talk in front of people without anyone knowing. 

He never tries to force the boys into anything they are not interested and allowed them to play with “girl” toys and dresses. Felix and Ezra played with baby dolls but only Ezra wore the dresses, which prompted many parents go up to Friedrich to say what he was doing is wrong. He’s always quip back that kids should be allowed to wear and play with whatever makes them happy.

Ezra had been questioning himself, feeling uncertain what he feels about his identity/sexuality, and feeling pressure from others to either conform or to figure what he is. Felix and Friedrich are his biggest supporters, to the point where Felix even got into a fight with another kid who was bullying him, and Friedrich, who’s not really confrontational, defended his nephew with all his might, which was the only time the boys had ever seen him be angry, but they were also incredibly impressed.

Once Jo came around, Felix is 15, shy of 16, and Ezra is 14, and they know instantly that something is happening between them, and they do what they can to help them along, suggesting they go to this play, or check out this café. No one is more happy to hear them getting engaged and have no problem calling her Aunt Jo.

The boys found a stray puppy, a German Shepherd, and took him home to try and clean him up. When Jo and Friedrich come home, they are surprised and uncertain if they wanted to add a puppy to their family, but the boys were so insistent and the puppy was too cute, they couldn’t resist. He was named Teddy, after her friend and due to his teddy bear looks, and was the best pet they ever had.

Robert and William (Theodore)

In my modern au, their youngest son is called William because the name was sort of ruined for me when I read a fanfic of Jo calling him Theodore because Laurie was the real father, and Friedrich kind of knowing and being sad but happy? It was weird, sad and totally out of character for everyone. That fic haunts me to this day and I wish I could have unread it.

Rob gets his name from his maternal grandfather, Robert March, and Will is named after his paternal grandfather, Wilhelm, who died when Friedrich was a boy. Details of Wilhelm can be found in the post “Modern Friedrich Timeline”. Which knowing their personalities, it makes total sense.

Rob is more like his father and Aunt Beth, gentle and thoughtful, but has a mischievous streak. Will gets his father’s sunny temperament and his mother’s lively spirit, laughing out loud at three months old, often compared to a young Jo. There are times that Jo looks at them together and thinks how they remind her of Beth and she when they were young.

Friedrich had experience with raising boys, and knows the ins and outs, while Jo, who had only been around girls, was worried she’d have a harder time, but with time, she felt herself becoming at ease with being surrounded by boys. People ask her if she ever regretted not having a girl or would try again for one, but Jo is more than happy with her pair and never regrets being the lone girl among boys.

Just as he did with his nephews, Friedrich would teach his sons to speak German, and Will would really cause mischief by saying some naughty things in front of people, making his family blush and suppress a laugh, with a talking afterwards alone, only to be caught by someone who knows German and his face would get so red you’d think he’d turn into a tomato.

Felix and Ezra are so hands on with the boys that Rob and Will see them as their older brothers and were very disappointed when they found out they were cousins. Even though they live in New York City, the boys always react seeing their cousins who still live in Concord as if they were meeting lifelong friends. 

Will came up with the nickname of “Professor Rob” due to him being practically a mini version of their father, which trickled down to everyone else in the family. “Wild Will” was given to him by pretty much everyone since he has such a wild energy about him, but everyone agrees that though he is wild, he uses his energy for good.

Rob is that kid who read like 150 books during one school year and gets an award for it, while Will is that kid who dominates sports, and continues on through earning scholarships. Rob would grow up to either being a professor, like his father, or a journalist. Will would enter the sports world, I imagine him doing well in hockey and even getting into the NHL. But no matter how different they are, they are each others best friend.

Hope these were something you wanted or at least somewhat. This was fun and I am sorry it took me a long time to get to this, but personal stuff got in the way and I just want to say thank you for your patience.