#the au I had in mind would p much have an irl setting with the biggest difference being that everyone are euplerians

[pomellon]

I realized I never actually talked about the tweaked omegaverse setting I’ve been thinking about! It’s something I might use for a spinoff of a modern Euplerian au cuz I think it could be neat uvu

In this setting the secondary genders are more fluid, able to change depending on the eupie’s pack hierarchy. Everyone is born beta but can become alpha or omega, and even revert back to beta to later become something else based on their life circumstances.

Two individual can become alphas if they decide to start a family together, making them an alpha pair able to have offspring. A beta can slowly shift to alpha should their pack view and treat them as their leader, instinctually becoming the new alpha. A beta can also force control over a group of other betas to create a forceful shift to become an alpha.

However, should the alpha lose their pack or family there’s a high chance their secondary gender will revert back to beta since they’re no longer the leader of a group.

Omegas work similarly but on the opposite spectrum. Instead of being the leader at the top of the hierarchy, they’re the jester at the bottom. Low betas are often corned into becoming omegas, often due to stressed-out packs taking out most of their frustrations, verbally and/or physically, on one single packmate. An omega's role is to destress their pack, usually by being playful and submissive towards the pack betas to help them have fun and relax. It is however very common for them to turn into the betas’ punching bag and many omegas will have scars from past aggressions. 

In more well-adjusted packs omegas aren’t always needed, but a beta can still slowly shift to an omega if many of their packmates come to them to talk, play, or to relax. While it’s an alpha’s role to lead, it’s an omega's role to entertain and many betas from peaceful packs look forward to spending time with their omega.

Similar to alphas omegas will often revert back to betas should they lose their pack. But in the case of betas who wear scars that signify their past pack role as an omega, they’re very often thrown back into the same position and become omegas again if a new pack takes them. Marked omegas are also often undesirable as mates, as even if they were to start a family and become an alpha people would still view them as an omega due to their scars.

[doodoodinklefart]

okAYYYY so ive been planning this au for literally forever and i couldnt get white diamond satoru and black sapphire suguru out of my head... ive seen a couple other hnk x jjk aus floating around but i wanted to take a crack at it!! i'll just explain these three + the setting for now cuz theres a bunch of other shit brewing in my head LOLOL honestly hnk and jjk are pretty different themes-wise i feel so i couldnt rlly help changing a lot abt the world LMAO

in this au its not just a couple gems in the school, there's a bit more of a society and structure outside of it. there are still the three major "clans" though maybe more like major cliffs?? lol?? that the gems are formed in that produce a much higher frequency of strong, high quality gems. i imagine that before the idea of working together (modern jujutsu society) had come about, gems fought to have control of these spots to assure that they would have those to protect them from lunarians (aka curses we're playing a bit fast and loose here). while there were many attempts to merge the clans, the fighting was more a waste of time if anything, so they stayed separate. jujutsu high in this au would probably just be the school, a set of gems that are trained to always be ready to dispatch lunarians and protect tengen (who is the prayer machine here), who has basically been dormant.

and THATS where we get to white diamond. i wanna say while diamonds are p common irl, its rare here for there to be a fully formed diamond lustrous that actually has inclusions. while there have been extremely strong lustrous born from the gojo cliff, white diamond is the first diamond in several centuries, filling a vacancy after others had been taken away to the moon. not only that, he's got special eyes too!! im thinking he can see sunspots from far away, or maybe can tell artificial gems from real ones, like being able to see their inclusions or something. probably both!! either way he has to wear special blackout glasses during the day. his eyes are really reflective so he can work at night too, but that often leaves him restless.

white diamond—in his mind at least—is untouchable, and really it may as well be true. due to the combat training that he's gone through and his hardness of 10, he has never sustained so much as a scratch. he had a tendency to break all of his sparring partners back home, and thus he feels he's hit a brick wall with his training, and that the only things that will come close to putting up a challenge are likely lunarians. he doesn't really care much for weaker gems at this point, and is eager to finally fight lunarians for once. eventually, he is sent off to the school to begin what he would call "actually worthwhile" training.

black sapphire, on the other hand, was born practically from nowhere, in a unremarkable place with little more than himself and a few other older gems that were around to help shape him. with a hardness of 9, he was the strongest among them and—after his first dangerous encounter with lunarians—he realized he had an obligation to protect the rest of them. his strength often leaves him feelings alienated, as he normally ends up working alone for fear of other being taken away. i wanna figure out how to incorporate his ct better but for now ill just keep thinking about it. for now, it was probably his strength that got his scouted and sent to the school.

boulder opal, or just opal, is in training as a doctor at the school, and shows extreme promise. her lax attitude reveals none of her medical prowess, especially when it comes to gems with missing pieces. she has a particularly good eye for finding missing shards, or finding pieces that she can replace missing shards with. there's nothing she can do if their inclusions reject the replacement, however. maybe she has a way of resonating with the other's inclusions to speed healing up on bigger points of damage?? idk ill figure it out

ANYWAYYY this is getting super long so i'll end this shortly BUT!!! basically, white diamond, with black sapphire (who he calls saph), and opal are all training under yaga sensei (idk what kind of gem he would be yet LOL). diamond, at first, sees opal and saph as weak, but quickly realizes they have their own feats. saph in particular is the first lustrous that has ever made sparring fun, because while he's less durable his combat skills make up for it tenfold. maybe black sapphire is the first to ever leave a break on white diamond who knows... opal is probably always having to put the two back together. theyve never lost to a lunarian before, and have certainly never come close to being taken to the moon. these two are the strongest together, and each finally feel like they have a place to belong.

alsooo..... they do get a mission to escort a "star plasma vessel" of sorts. tengen slowly erodes over the years and needs a compatible lustrous to replace their missing pieces. boleite (riko) happens to be that gem, and diamond and saph need to escort her.... lmaoaoao now i have to design riko, toji and kuroi...

[edenwolfie]

🥺,🛒,❌,💲,👀,🧠(Hua Cheng, Xie Lian),🎉,✅ for the writing meme!!!

Hoooo boy! Thank you and hello! Let's gooo

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels? A good old passionate smooch! as someone who irl hates kisses, oh boy the concept of them? mmmm yess, very good. Also just, casual touching, love that shit. Folks crying on each other or an emotional confession??? wrecks me.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc. I love,,,soft. Found family gets in there a lot. Adding women into settings where there's not many of them in canon (ie. compass and tangled by the night). I think all my fics have a getting together component. A little angst, h/c, etc always gets in there cause 👌👌👌.

❌ What's a trope you will never write? Write? oh man...less of a trope, more of a genre, different setting AUs are not it for me, ie. modern AUs, historial AUs, I always like the settings of whatever it is I'm writing of and that's the world I want to play around in, and even when I'm reading fic, those are the fics I only really read when I'm desperate for something. Tropes wise I could probs see myself writing any if it suited me?

💲 Would you ever open commissions? Probably not, mainly because if I do not have a clear plan of the overall structure of a fic, it will not get finished. I am however defo open to suggestions of fic ideas, they may or may not take me anywhere, but they also might! I had so much fun with my artist partner angie-s-g when working on 'let our walls cave in' for the mdzs rbb22 as that was a very collaborative process in laying out the story beats together which I then went running with. All my other fics v much get written p much in a vaccuum without outside eyes (which, not the greatest i will say, and, one of the reasons i started posting compass before it was done was so i could get a little feedback as we went, but it is what it is). I think i got off topic here....whoops

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please! Oh, hm...let me check the wip doc...hmmm, of these I have no idea if any will get finished or even shared...I've been working on Compass for like, a year and a half now and I only really dip into these when I get stuck but want to keep the writing habit going and oh man there a lot of very shameless smut/abo/nonsense in here . So short answer is, no idea what the next actual project is, maybe one of these, maybe a new idea!

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. For the both of them, its the ace-spectrum headcanons, because lets be real, its barely a headcanon and as an ace person, I fuckin love that shit.

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success? Anyone else reads the thing! Honestly, in classic writer form, all my fics have been written very self indulgently for me, that anyone else likes them is awesome. That a few have become p well loved is legit mind blowing to me as someone who does not have a huge amount of confidence in their writing!

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to? My own little kinks always slip in there rip 🫣

ask game :)

[i-am-totally-a-human-being]

*whispers in cursive*

Soulmate AUs

Ok so I’ve had this specific soulmate au stuck in my brain and since I’ve got no requests at the moment I’m gonna write it!

Au: when you turn 16, anything you write on your body will also appear on your soulmate

So, with that in mind...

Danganronpa protags and what they would write to their soulmate (you!) for a first impression

(This includes Komaru and Toko, because Toko was a protag and you can’t convince me otherwise)

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Makoto Naegi:

-Although super nervous, he is really excited to “meet” you!

-He would start off simple!!

“Hey soulmate! My name is Makoto Naegi, what’s yours? And, if I can ask, what pronouns should I use for you?”

-He would definitely want to get to know you a bit before deciding to meet up with you in person.

Hajime Hinata:

-Probably thought he didn’t have a soulmate at first-

-He actually would most likely choose not to write to you because he doesn’t want you knowing he’s reserve course or he would straight up forget to smh

-But when he finally does, he doesn’t think much will come from it

“Hey, probably non-existent soulmate. I’m Hajime, what’s your non-existent name?”

-When you actually reply and assure him you are very much existent, he P A N I C S

-Did he actually just say that to his soulmate?!

-Once he works up the courage to tell you he’s reserve course, he quickly sets up a time to meet

Shuichi Saihara:

-If you thought Makoto was nervous

-Crank that up by 100 and here we have our boy Shuichi

-Probably doesn’t message you first

-Not because he doesn’t want to! But because he’s terrified he’ll do something wrong

-When you eventually message first and ask if anyone is there, he’s quick to respond (probably carried a pen with him everywhere so he could drop everything to reply for when you hopefully wrote first)

“I’m here!! I’m Shuichi Saihara, what’s your name? If that’s not too intrusive, ha...”

-You have to suggest the idea of meeting in person

-He was so content with simply writing to you, he forgot you were actually a physical person!

Kaede Akamatsu:

-She was SO excited

-I feel like Kaede would be the type to draw you a little message with doodle around it

-Hear me out, the emojis are little doodles, ok?

🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼

✨I’m Kaede Akamatsu! Who are you?✨

🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼 🎼

-Something like that I dunno

-Would want to meet up fairly quickly but not right away

Komaru Naegi:

-Literally has been waiting for this day since she knew what a soulmate was

-You can’t tell me Komaru isn’t a hopeless romantic

-She’d 100% compliment you

“Hi, I’m Komaru Naegi, your soulmate! Although I haven’t seen you yet, I’m sure you’re beautiful inside and out!”

-Would straight up ask to meet you after like the first few days

-What can I say? She’s a hopeless romantic

Toko Fukawa:

-Much like Shuichi, she is panicking

-What if she screws up?! What if they already know her irl and know she’s ugly?! (Toko no please you’re not-)

-When she finally gathers the courage to write though....

-It’s a whole friggin love letter

“My dear soulmate, although we haven’t met in person yet......”

-Your arm is covered by the time she’s done, but you find it cute and so starts your little pen-pal relationship

-It takes a lot of convincing to get her to meet up in person, but she really is excited to!

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Ok I actually did enjoy this, and seriously no one can tell me Toko WASN’T a protag-

Anyway I hope you enjoyed!

Thank you for coming to my TED talk,

-🐝

[rogueswitch]

1, 3, 5, 9, and 11 for the ask meme

o geez thats a lot :p i'll do Wrench because of course i will

1) what’s a Hot Take you have about your f/o?

The only reason why Wrench is popular is because he is quirky and white. You know the whole thing with fandoms only giving a shit about the white characters? I truly think it holds true with watch dogs as well. people will wax poetic about how Aiden (another 'vigilante' white man) from watch dogs 1 is the best character, and Wrench is unabashedly the most popular character from WD2 even though he's not the protagonist and arguably is a pretty undeveloped character (the actual protagonist of WD2 is Marcus, a black man, and a reasonably well-developed character compared to the others).

To bring this point home further, both Aiden and Wrench have their own DLC missions+story in WDLegion, while other characters like Marcus (and any of the other WD2 characters) are forgotten about all but to provide some cosmetic outfits.

3) did you used to ship your f/o with anyone before realizing you wanted to ship them with yourself?

No, not really. Once I really got into the meat of WD2, I just kinda went oh, and realized I had a crush on Wrench and started to ship with him. A lot of people ship Marcus/Wrench because they have a bromance in the game, but I always read it more as Wrench is unabashedly flirty with everyone, and they are both just being silly because they are best friends and comfortable with each other.

5) what’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard about your f/o, either on the internet or irl?

I'm not gonna lie, i don't really interact with fandom much so i dont have a great spicy answer for this one. but maybe something like Wrench is straight or some shit. The dude does nothing but flirt with everyone in WD2, men and women alike. No way is that man straight.

9) do you distance yourself from other fans of your f/o or their source?

Fans, yes. Source, no. I like Watch Dogs as a setting, it's sort of pre-cyberpunk dystopia where things are modern but with just a bit more complex technology (at least in WD2), and it begins to dip into why things like advanced technology can be incredibly harmful when everything is connected to the internet or links back to the government (survalience state). And, because it's Ubisoft, I do also like exploring things like my watch dogs/assassins creed crossover au, because both settings lore fit really well together. I vibe with the source.

I generally don't interact with fans of WD that much because 1) people that tend to play the games and interact online are classic Gamer Bros and i don't really wanna fuck with that, and 2) other then the occasional artist, people who like Wrench just tend to be that Brand of fandom bullshittery that I don't want anything to do with.

11) do you think it’s better to have a copious amount of content for your f/o, even with the risk of finding a lot of ship art, or better to have a lot less?

Ummm. Most content for Wrench is generally Wrench/Marcus ship stuff, which doesn't really bother me even though I don't romantically ship them. So I personally don't mind seeing ship art, and I even like some of the marcus/wrench art just because the artists are really good. When it comes to other's selfships with Wrench though, I tend to be a bit iffier and uncomfy.

I think I prefer having less content/art/fics, because I imagine that if every piece of content was ship content, I would probably get fed up pretty quickly. It can already be a bit eh now, because every other self shipper who is into WD ships with Wrench. I think its a bit nicer to have a smaller amount of good content that I can enjoy, rather then a lot of content I really can't interact with because it makes me uncomfy.

[jackrrabbit]

ask answering/updates

first of all, thank you 💘 second of all...

ok ok ok don’t get too excited, but I finally got the juice to start working on the next part of Fanatic 🖤 most of you guys will be like ‘who cares’ but i know some of you have been waiting for this for a while! it’s been what, 2 months?? hope I’m not jinxing myself by saying this *knocks on wood* also not to hype myself too much but it’s kinda bomb 😳 maybe this is just my sick bias but I’ve really been wanting to write about...aftermath iykwim haha. reader all scared & shy & trying to avoid him but yk he’s not going to leave her alone :P

I also figured out the ending to it will come back!! it wouldn’t be shiggy if it didn’t get dangerous 😈 also gonna be nice to write some eyes-rolling-back-in-the-head fuckery so our favorite handsy creep can finally get his dick wet with his beloved little nursey <3

here are some other vague ideas, some based on requests, some not. as always no promises!!

BNHA—pillage & plunder with fantasy AU warlord Bakugo (and his gang of ruffians?? hmm...)

BNHA—Overhaul makes you work off your daddy’s gambling debts the extra hard way uwu...also I have SO many ideas for Overhaul 😷 after I finish iwcb my next multi-part fic will probably be with him

BNHA—various things with reader as an aspiring villain set in the same universe as Caught in the Act: reader getting quarantined with shiggy & dabi...dabi getting mad at you after you keep fucking up...incel shiggy jacking it to his adorable protégée without her knowledge (a galaxy brain request from a very good buddy!!!!)

BNHA—ABO with alpha Hawks and omega reader in an elevator...and uh-oh, it’s stuck! and you’re going into heat! oh no, whatever will you do??

Haikyuu—you get stuck in a hole in a wall, good thing your dutiful boyfriend Kuroo is there to help you out ;)

Haikyuu—gangbang with Tsukki, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kuroo...a challenge bc I’ve never written a gangbang before!! will have to do some research 🧐

Haikyuu—your bf Atsumu does mean things when he’s jealous, like putting his hands up your skirt in public

KNY—Kokushibou decides to keep a shrine maiden as his cute little human pet 💜 actually already wrote pt. 1 but I’ll wait to post til I’m done with Fanatic

AxK—just some no good very bad yandere content with Dr. Midori...neglect play stuff...sensory deprivation stuff...icky icky

Gintama—something with Kamui. does this count as monsterfucking? very very rough...idk what exactly? some form of dastardly acts

thanks for the concern friends 💕💕 I’ve been preoccupied by things happening irl for the past few weeks, trying to educate myself, going to protests, etc.

also in case anyone else is confused, my stance is and always has been that Black lives matter and all cops are bastards. I’m not sure my porn blog is the right place to talk about this at length but if you’re a bootlicker, please smash that unfollow button and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. if you don’t already have a decently functioning moral compass you should not get anywhere near my writing...fr

learn more and get involved

omg thank you & yes yes a million times yes!!! hope you don’t mind commitment issues and student loan debt 💝👯‍♀️

the line between not hawksfucker and hawksfucker is very thin and very blurry, beware.....lol and thank you!!

the video you recommended...like damn!!! that’s exactly the vibe I feel like fratty Hawks x reader from be a little bad would be like if they had a happy ending eventually (start at 1:39)!!!!! “I didn’t make you do this” “I’m not accusing you of anything” it’s that exact dynamic. imo Hawks might be a little less willing to make things official and reader would prob have a hard time being straightforward enough to ask tho...hmmm

I did get several requests for a part 2! I’m thinking it over atm. I will say tho that most of my reqs have very slow turnaround so if I write it, it might be a while

ooh I love getting recommendations! here’s what I like:

fanfic: I read stuff like what I write (smut, kink, yandere, villains). at some point I’m going to make a long post of fic recs of my own! I also read fluff and character x character ship fic so interests are pretty broad

TV: humor, crime shows like Bones, Criminal Minds, Psych, that kind of thing. nothing too dark or complicated, nothing that requires too much investment. same goes for anime

movies: pretty much everything! lately I’m really into Howl’s Moving Castle and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

books: literary fiction. can I say I’m into dark academia if the only dark academia I’ve read is The Secret History? favorite books I’ve read semi-recently are TSH, All the Light We Cannot See, The Poisonwood Bible, and Discipline & Punish. currently reading Foucault’s History of Sexuality

music: idk man...all kinds of stuff. I listen based on vibe more than genre. all my spotify playlists are named things like “sunday” and “the power” and “[sparkle emoji]”. my artists on repeat are Hozier, The Weeknd, Kendrick, M.I.A., The Neighborhood (F I’m a basic bitch) but I’ll try anything once

jfc these two asks have given me so much hope 🥰😭💗 you know what? sooner or later I’m going to post Kamui x reader smut and it’s going to get 3 notes from the three of us liking it and that’s okay because I’ve thirsted over this man too long and too hard to go my entire life without reading over-indulgent reader-insert porn of him. yes the villain kink jumped out but DAMN!!! the man has ‘h*rny scumbag who lets his instincts rule him’ baked into both his DNA and his psyche, and I’m so here for it 😌

if you don’t know who Kamui is, do me a favor and watch gintama. yes there are like 400 episodes but it’s worth it. I will convert more bitches to the gintama thirst train if it costs me my life. Kamui was made to star in disrespectful breeding kink smut and this is a hill I will die on.

??? sure, if you can point me toward part 2 ????? lmao

I’m guessing you meant to ask for a pt 2 instead of pt 3? in which case, thanks for asking!! but tbh...for some reason I have a really hard time imagining what a pt 2 would look like, maybe because I wrote it 100% from Overhaul’s POV so it’s hard for me to define the reader’s feelings. I’m not saying it’ll never happen but 🤷‍♀️

HOWEVER if it’s Overhaul content in general you’re craving, you’re in luck!!! he’s a favorite of mine. legit he ticks so many of my boxes—villain kink? check. medical/scientist kink? check. yakuza kink? honey I’m weak. I’ll definitely be writing more for him in the future!

oh no! I checked it on my computer & on mobile and all of the links are working for me? are the links still broken for you guys?

anyway, here are the rules, here’s the short version of the request rules, and here is part 1 and part 2 of it will come back.

thank you to everyone who has sent kind words, everyone who replies to my writing, and everyone who posts thirst in the tags!!! I read that shit!!!! and it makes me fucking cry, I love you all

one more thing: several people have requested continuations to Sleepless, Sidekick, and Fanatic. on one hand, I’m so flattered that you guys want more!!! on the other hand, I actually already answered asks about pt. 2′s for those particular fics. before you request a continuation of anything, it’s probably a good idea to look up the name of the fic as a tag on my blog so you can check and see if anyone else had the same question 💖💖💖

[ambivalent-writes]

Oath Of Desires: Nine

Synopsis: [Yandere! Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung] [Poly AU]

It had only been them three for a long time. Not one person more, not one person less – just Jungkook, Taehyung and [Name].

Jungkook was elated when Taehyung and [Name] told him that they had become a couple. He literally could not have been happier.

They were his favourite couple, and he loved them both…. A little too much.

When there was a hindrance in Taehyung and [Name]’s relationship which caused them to fall apart, Jungkook was distraught. Afterwards, when he realized the depths of his love for his ‘friends,’ Jungkook made an oath of his dark desires – he was going to do whatever it took to get them back together. And this time, he was also going to become part of their relationship.

Warning: As this story contains yandere themes, the characters display behaviors that can be triggering or uncomfortable to read. Read at your own risk. This work is purely fiction. I do not believe any of the mentioned members would display any sort of this behaviour irl.

                                           ___________

Love, non-existent,

His dreams were mere delusions.

He threatened to burn them with fire,

But the thing that got burnt wasn’t them, but his dangerous oaths of desires.

                                       ___________

The air was thick, and the tension of atmosphere was intense -- they could taste it in their mouths, at the back of their tongue-- a disgusting sensation of iron that made them nauseous. Slowly, as if he was a victim of the serial killer who had just found him in his hiding spot in a horror film, Taehyung turned his head towards Jungkook, who raised an eyebrow.

“What are you hiding from me?” Jungkook asked, and instantly, [Name]’s body acted on her own. Subconsciously, [Name] put her hand on her stomach, and clutched the layer of clothing covering her stomach tighty. While doing so, a whimper of fear of what was to come, left her lips.

Taehyung’s eyes flickered to [Name], and the raw realisation of their reality sunk in; the fact that [Name] was sitting on the floor of a toilet, feeling anxious, frightened, traumatized, completely vulnerable, upset to the point when her entire body was shaking, and possibly pregnant, made his chest tighten in pain.

How did we even end up here? This fleeting thought appeared for mere seconds, but he was quick to ignore it. Reflecting on regrets, and pondering on the what ifs of the choices they made, and questioning the reality they were in was not going to be helpful in this moment. Maybe later, once this was all over, and they had the privilege to think for themselves again, maybe then they could ponder.  But right now, with Jungkook holding the crown and dictating over them like a tyrant King, there was little to no room left to think or breath -- it had to be all action.

So, Taehyung stuck with that. He proceeded to stand in front of [Name] protectively, as he stared at Jungkook with a challenging stare.

See, Jungkook had been feeling rather ecstatic since the past two days because he came to believe that he had finally broken Taehyung and [Name]. The [h/c] female, while did rebel against him, was easier and quicker to break because of her already passive nature, and due to the fact that Jungkook tended to punish her more. Taehyung was much harder to tame. But, it was not impossible. Jungkook had noticed that Taehyung had started to submit to him quicker. And even though, Taehyung was still reluctant, he had not been fighting as much either. They were breaking, and thus, the potential to build them into exactly what he desired them had been increasing. But now, all of his hard work and progress with making Taehyung more submissive was being shoved back right in face. Additionally, the fact that Taehyung thought he could stand on the same level as Jungkook and challenge his authority once again; it was a displeasing sight, and it caused the corner of Jungkook’s lips to twitch in anger.

“You know, I’ll be nice and give you another chance. Now this time, it would be in your best interest to tell me the truth because if you don’t, then I’ll make you both suffer. Do you remember what happened the last time when both of you defied me together? How awful it was to be on the verge of fainting from exhaustion and dehydration and still suffer from the punishments I gave you… You don’t want to go through that again, do you? Of course you wouldn’t. So tell me, what are you hiding?” Jungkook seethed, as he got off the frame of the door, and walked closer towards Taehyung, and stared at him with an intimidating gaze.

Taehyung did not move an inch, or even flinch, as he held his ground. He returned the ferocity of Jungkook’s glare with his own, before he scoffed at him.

“Like hell we will. Touch her, and I’m going to fucking rip your arm off,” Taehyung threatened, and he was prepared to carry out his threat by all means, had Jungkook not striked him first. Given his still weak state, it was easy for Jungkook to beat up Taehyung, and overpower him until he had Taehyung in a headlock. While this happened, [Name] could do nothing except watch them helplessly from the ground, and continue to shake in fear.

Her stomach churned and she felt sick with anxiety and terror that flooded her mind beyond her coping level; her breathes shortened, and she started to sob hysterically, as Jungkook turned towards her, with Taehyung held tightly, and in pain, in his grip.

No matter how much Taehyung thrashed, and tried to get himself out of Jungkook’s grip, his efforts remained useless.

“Let me go Jungkook! If you don’t let me go right now, or hurt [Name], I swear I’ll kill you! Don’t underestimate me--” Taehyung growled. However, he was cut short and unable to speak anything else, because Jungkook covered Taehyung’s mouth with one of his hands. Simultaneously,  he tightened his grip on him, to worsen his pain. Then, as he tormented Taehyung like this, he looked at [Name], and narrowed his eyes at her.

“[Name], you’re more understanding than Taehyung aren’t you? You’re more co-operative, right? And that’s why I always make love to you more. You’ll be good and do as I say since I treat you so well, wouldn’t you?” Jungkook started, and his voice caused [Name] to freeze.

Her bottom lip quivered, as Jungkook offered her a strained smile for comfort.

“Tell me [Name], what are you two hiding? I’m giving one last chance, don’t muck it up like Taehyung did.  Tell me or you won’t like what I do to you and Taehyung,” Jungkook warned, and [Name], currently not being in the right mind-set, or having the willpower to fight, confessed immediately.

“I-I think I might-- I might be p-pregnant,” She stammered, and Jungkook’s eyes widened.

First, there was silence, and [Name] awaited Jungkook’s response nervously. Then, everything happened all at once, and too suddenly; Jungkook lost it.

He released his grip on Taehyung, and let him fall carelessly, and mindlessly on the floor. Since Jungkook had been somewhat strangling during his headlock, as Taehyung’s body hit the floor harshly, he gasped in pain, and trying to breathe in as much oxygen as he could.

Jungkook ran towards [Name], and threw himself on top of her. As the weight of his body collided on hers, [Name] fell back harshly on the floor, and her head hit harshly, which made it throb painfully. She screamed loudly when Jungkook pinned her hands at the side of her head. He put his entire weight on her, and positioned himself on top her in a way that rendered her from moving. Heavy tears flowed down [Name]’s cheeks, and she viciously shook her head.

“Jungkook please, don’t do this—“

“It can’t be! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE PREGNANT! YOU CAN’T HAVE A BABY! THIS WAS NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE! It was supposed to be ME! ONLY ME! I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE YOU CARE ABOUT, LOVE, AND DO EVERYTHING FOR! YOU AREN’T MEANT TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! You’re— You’re only supposed to love me and not abandon me for someone else!” Jungkook cried hysterically, and the loudness of his voice, and the underlying promises of danger, caused [Name] to whimper and shut her eyes tightly.

“I… I won’t let this be the end. Not again. I don’t want to start over again. I’ll just, I’ll just—“ Jungkook stammered, and then, as if he just had an epiphany, his eyes widened impossibly wide. He licked his lips once, before speaking again, and this time, for the worst.

“I-I know. I’ll just get rid off this baby for everyone’s sake. You aren’t fat yet, and— and the baby probably isn't even grown yet. It’ll be easy. Haha, yeah it’ll be super easy. Just one hit will do,” Jungkook murmured to himself. However, [Name] heard him loud and clear, and this caused her eyes to snap open. She observed Jungkook from beneath him: his wide and large eyes that were filled with petrifying insanity, and his disheveled hair that overcasted his eyes, providing a dark shadow over his face that further highlighted his disoriented persona.  Then, with one of his shaky hands, he took out a knife from the back of his pocket, and shifted his grip on [Name] so that he pinned both of her wrists above her head with his other hand.  When Jungkook’s big knife entered her line of sight, [Name]’s bottom lip quivered once more, and she shook her head.

“No please, Jungkook, please, don’t do this. Please don’t this, don’t hurt me like this. I’ll, I’ll do anything that you want. I’ll even get rid off this baby if you get me the right medication but please, not like this— not like this, please. Please don’t stab me, I haven’t done anything. Please, I’m begging you, Jungkook, don’t do this to me,” [Name] cried, and tried to get out of his grip. However, her efforts remained fruitless.  

Jungkook gave her a stretched ear-to-ear forced smile.

“I’m sorry [Name], but I have to do this right here and right now. This needs to be done, for our future’s sake,” He said, and he raised the knife up high in the air.

As Jungkook had become preoccupied with [Name], he had completely forgotten about Taehyung, who he had left on the ground. Slowly, and surely, as Jungkook was having his mini-break down, Taehyung stood up from the ground. Taehyung was heaving, and he was pissed. He wanted to scream, charge at Jungkook, and beat him up until his bones would break, and his blood soaked his knuckles. However, he held himself back and kept himself under control. This was their only chance, and Taehyung NEEDED to make this count.

As quietly as he could, Taehyung leaned down, and grabbed the empty standing toilet paper roll holder that was beside the toilet, and raised it above him. Then, he slowly walked towards Jungkook. As he did so, his own heart beat loudly in his ears, and he hoped that Jungkook would not be able to hear it and be too focused on [Name].

Then, just as Jungkook was about to bring down the knife and stab [Name], Taehyung took proper aim, and with all the force that he could muster, and adrenaline from all the action and pain from before pumping through him, he swung the standing toilet paper roll holder at Jungkook’s head as hard he could.

[im-just-having-fun-karen]

any of the unusualish asks

Ill answer all of them also this is the first thing to ever be sent to this blog so congratulations! You're the first!

who’s your celebrity crush?

Donr have one

are you single or taken?

Single as of recent

rant. just do it

i suppose i could rant about a few topics.

COME BACK LATER

do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art?

Im not sure what you mean but if you mean removing a watermark or stealing credit then no.

how many accounts do you have?

3, this is my fanfic blog, my main is in my bio and a have a last one for an undertale au

how many pairs of shoes do you have?

3 if you dont count my one pair of slippers (1 pair was bought for me as a gift, 1 pair was given to my aunt who then gave it to me, and the last i share with my mom since they're technically hers but i just love boots)

opinion on… (specify to the person you’re asking to)

Well you didnt specify so ill just go with you!

Very kind and fun to talk to but we dont talk much and i wish we did more! You're willing to play the weird games i know of (the animal game ect) so thats fun and you're very open minded. You have some problems mentally and sometimes physically but i do too so we get along very well.

how many accounts do you follow?

I cant count them all

favorite brand of clothing?

Dont have one

name a dog

3B-027. Idk man id name a dog that

what unusual talent do you have?

I have sharp teeth and a strong jaw so i could bite a good chunk out of someones arm if i tried.

what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard?

Some bitch named megan liked the new kid who had been there for less then a day and claimed they were dating even tho she didnt know his name

ever prank called a store?

Nah

what’s your coffee order?

Dont have one, i dont usually drink coffee

what’s a question do you constantly get asked?

"Are you twins?" when me and my brother are in the same room

if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

I'd get a tattoo of my mothers name with cat ears and a tail as well as her birthday

google the top song from the year you were born

No One

Alicia Keys · 2007

rant about your favorite musician 

Ok so they're called cosmo sheldrake and their music so weird but really cool and i like it so much its unreal because its super dooper catchy but its also really peaceful my favorite song is Pelicans We and The Moss

what’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?

Ms Mast from 3rd grade, she knew i was gay before I knew i was gay

describe your blog in 3-5 words

Sassy bitch rarely writes

what’s a conspiracy you believe in?

None

if you could see any concert tonight what would you choose?

Cavetowns next one

if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?

Over eating

can you dance? sing?

I can sing, cant dance tho, im willing to post a video of me singing if someone asked but no one does

what’s something you can’t stop buying?

Nothing, im poor.

crowds or small groups?

Small groups

how long before a trip do you pack?

Idk, a few days

what celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10?

Tom holand, 10/10 man has a frog in his mouth

what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?

Think postive. I hate it when people fuckin say that bullshit.

if you had to dye your hair an unnatural color right now, what would you choose?

Shinso purple or todoroki white

you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?

The universe i live in and the family

how old do you get mistaken for?

13-16

what do you think about a lot

My own death, ocs, fanfics, things i could of done better

do you like your hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one?

Im cool with being a ravenclaw

what does home mean to you?

Its where you make it, sometimes its people and sometimes its just a town.

what do you think you’d be arrested for?

Vandalism or murder of pedos and nazis

have you ever been called down to the principals office?

Yeah, alot.

post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted

Soft irl but p sassy

Hair and all

describe your aesthetic

answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation 

Goddamn it mason stop eating the fucking spoons/what happened to your school assignment?

I ate it.

I-it was a 3 page homework assignment.. It was paper..

Yeah it didnt taste that good.

[flyswhumpcenter]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card! (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled. Green deltas are for requested prompts.)

There’s a reason why Chronos was such a cruel god.

I almost forgot to post this fic... I started it a while back, got art block, and only went back to it during a boring geography lesson during Whumptober. It was also not meant to be an Inazuma fic, but sometimes I have a weird creativity and muse. Don't ask me, the wonders of the human mind I guess. It'll come to literally nobody's surprise that I ship Anna and Nosaka because I'm the token F/M shipper of the main fanfic writers of this fandom (y'know, gotta contrast my colleagues and provide the stuff nobody but me and maybe an IRL friend wants). I'm surprised I've never managed to finish a fic with them before, tho: yes, the previous prompt fill, "Bedside Vigil" was supposed to be for them until I switched to Haizaki/Akane over... my Tomodachi Life game immediately pairing them up (true story). Anyway. This fic does imply to a road accident of some sort, so if you're sensitive to this kind of topic (for which you're entirely justified, tbh, that's coming from someone who's almost been in one), proceed with caution. It's nothing graphic or anything, just floating in the background of this story, though. I also almost forgot to mention this is supposed to be set in my Inazuma Café AU, but the only reason why you need to know that is because they're college students there, and why Anna and Hikaru are as friendly to each other as they are here. I mean, if you wanna know more, I'll gladly respond to questions.

It’s also the last story I can write for this card without getting a Five in a Row, which I may or may not have done on purpose lol

---------

For Time Cannot Be Accelerated

Summary: Anna didn't think ambulance rides could last this long on the mind. She was seriously proven wrong.

Fandom: Inazuma Eleven (Ares/Orion continuity; implied college AU) Relationships: Platonic Anna & Hikaru friendship, implied established Anna/Nosaka

Wordcount: 1.7K words

Content Warnings: Implied road accident, talks of death, some blood and talk of injury.

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo

AO3 version available here.

-------

They’re all tense in the ambulance. It doesn’t help that they share a small space amongst themselves, all cranked in one back of a truck that had clearly been made to have one stretcher and the paramedics watching over it. Nobody talks, except the latter amongst themselves in the front of the ambulance and through the vehicle. Instead, they don’t look at each other, too busy staring at the floor or their responsibility.

Anna has opted for the floor, for the time being.

 It’s overwhelming to remain here, in a crowded place where she felt alone nonetheless, drowned in the noise of the beeping machinery and blaring sirens echoing on the inside, feet surrounded by wires, hands trembling and sorrow she desperately kept inside. Her thoughts are still shaken from what had happened merely moments before, isolating her even further, words having escaped from her mouth and her vocal cords remaining knotted with no throat clearing able to untie them back to usefulness. She’s speechless, voiceless, useless.

Her shoulder is pressed against Ichihoshi’s, whose hand happens to sometimes brush against her naked arms. From what little she can see of his face, drowned in the darkness of the vehicle and lit by the unstable, flickering coloured lights of the different monitors crippling her earing, he isn’t any more relaxed than she was, shoulders stiff and frowned eyebrows, biting his lip, trying not to fidget with his fingers. She feels like she should be telling him something to make him untense, but considering how tense she also is, she has no idea what she’s even supposed to utter. Her mental syllabus has given up on her for the time being.

 In this moment of despair and desolation, Anna still admires the valiant efforts of the paramedics making sense of the numbers displayed on tiny screens and muttering a language she doesn’t understand most of, words whose meaning she has no idea of flying way over her head. They’ve kept their cool when she was on the verge of tears, an unknown yet powerful force preventing her from falling to her knees and weeping like she is, frankly, wanting to do above everything else. Still, she’s the Empress, and no Empress has ever cried when her capacity of judgement was needed.

The air of the ambulance was hot, too much so, smothering both Ichihoshi and her. If she could take a breather outside, even if it’d be for a mere moment or from a minuscule hole, her head would spin far less quickly, her world would stabilize, her mind would be much further from the verge of breaking down under its own weight. She craves tranquillity and serenity, two states of mind she’s meant to have and yet lacked in these desperate moments.

 Anna has started finding ways to recover her calm. The floor of the ambulance which seemed highly uncomfortable and disgustingly dirty when she climbed in now looked more than comfortable enough to her, but they lacked the space to even attempt sitting down. Before long, she’s realized the hard reality of things: there’s no way for her to get even the slightest bit more comfortable, and despite the speeds this vehicle is going at, it’s still taking ages in her mind.

In a way, it reminds her of being on a sinking ship, swimming in the cold sea, except she doesn’t even have the merit of risking hypothermia because she’s boarding on a rescue boat while someone else is pushing it, giving their skin to the freezing waters and floating debris. Morbid imagery she tries to erase out of her mind as soon as possible, yet the beating of her heart making itself known in her head and neck prevent her from not thinking about death nor debris.

 “I… I hope everything will be alright,” Ichihoshi eventually stutters, in an almost-whisper, voice hiding behind the ill-paced cacophony.

“So do I,” she replies as she notices something was dripping along her skin, eyeing the liquid going down her arm. Drifting her glance in its direction, she sees he’s holding his right arm with his left hand pressed against his jacket’s fabric, a faint difference in colours showing up in the mostly uniform light blue-and-red that his white sleeves had become.

As a result, her voice changes in tone, “are you okay, Ichihoshi?”

“It stings, but it’s nothing too bad. I’ll have it checked when we’ll arrive.”

The trembling, weakness in his own voice makes her more than doubtful of his statement. He’s unstable on his feet, almost swaying, crashing into her when the ambulance unfortunately shifted too quickly for him to catch himself on something, fingers slipping on the metal walls. She barely catches him with weak arms, legs feeling fainter until she’s stabilized him on his feet.

“I don’t believe that it can’t be ‘too bad’, if you’re tilting this much,” she tells him, even more concern melting into acid. “Let me see”.

 A sense of responsibility gives her back some of her stability, legs straightening up, eyes sharper as she tried to see in the half-dark. Without a word, she took off her comrade’s sleeve, noticing the sharp contrast marked by what could only be a wound. It seems like a deep cut, with shards reflecting the dim lights visibly exiting from it. Her hair rises on her limbs as soon as she knows what this is about.

“How long do we have left until we arrive?” She demands, in an imploring voice, to the paramedics.

They’re not able to provide a clear time, “a couple minutes left, traffic’s really bad, our apologies”, so she has to deal with it and simply keep Ichihoshi close to her, making sure he doesn’t trip on himself, inspecting for other wounds he could have. Aside from his arm, she thinks she sees a stain on his stomach and another on his right leg, although they’re less noticeable and she kind of sighs in relief to herself about that fact. It must mean they’re less grievous than the one she saw first.

 “I really hope he’s gonna be okay…” Ichihoshi whispers close to her ear, back lying against the metal.

The concern she’s tried to hold in until now by thinking of something else and failing to fully do so breaks through the gates and floods her mind again. She has too much to worry about and not enough available space, the scratches on her knees and elbows from the glass shards paling in comparison to the anguish that this ambulance ride is starting to become.

“Same here…” Her voice almost chokes on itself, but she breathes in and out, swallows her pride and her stress in one gulp, and continues speaking as not to betray her actual state of mind. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s pulled through worse, I know it…”

Her hands still enlace themselves in a silent prayer she tries to hide from the world.

“He’ll… be fine. He will be fine.”

She wants to cry.

“You’re right. Surely he’ll make it…”

 Anna isn’t lying to reassure herself, merely speaking her truth. Yuuma has always proven himself to being capable of the most daring stunts, even life-threatening ones. While she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to fully forgive him hiding his tumour away from her for reasons he’s never quite told her about, merely tune down the hurt he’s caused her by taking in account the reasons he did so; she has to use it as proof it should be fine. She only has hope to keep herself afloat now, her reason having fled the scene.

Yuuma is capable of great things, that much she’s sure of. She doesn’t know him entirely yet, and is certain she won’t ever be able to fully understand his character, yet she trusts him with her own life and, in these dire moments, he needs her. He needs her to remain strong and level-headed, to withstand the pressure and the desolation taking root inside her heart. They’ve promised to remain together and be there for each other: it’s time for her to fulfil her part of the trade.

Plus, from the three of them involved in this tragic accident, she’s the only one who has grazes instead of injuries. She also has to keep an eye on Ichihoshi on behalf of both Yuuma and her.

 “He’ll make it. I’m certain of it,” she repeats, more to herself than to her friend.

“I’m sure of it too,” he adds, in a similar fashion, and they’re back to both silently pray in silence as time slowly flows before their eyes, like the calm waves of a serene beach coming and going. If she closes her eyes and tries ignoring reality enough, she can almost hear the sea instead of sirens and cryptic whispers.

“And you? Are you okay?” she asks, her hands leaving their praying position, about to inspect her friend.

“I’ll be fine…”

He sounds too unsure to her liking, but before she can even comment on that, the atmosphere changes as she hears in echoes the nearby sirens of other ambulances.

 This is when Anna realizes that she couldn’t have been more relieved to see a hospital in her life, making sights she’d have wished never to see again some she was looking forward to: the paramedics shifting around the stretches and talking among themselves in a slightly different way, the monitors displaying new numbers, men shouting in an urgent tone. Almost unbeknownst to them, they were holding each other’s arm for support in dire times, the smell of iron sticking to his skin, her composure coming back despite the tears having taken away some of her makeup.

They’re most likely both ugly sights too, but they’re alive, they’ve arrived, and it’ll all be fine, eventually. For now, they step down from the ambulance, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Despite the circumstances, neither of them succumb to their darker thoughts and bruises, not a complaint heard despite Ichihoshi grunting in pain from time to time and her lack of balance and remaining strength to carry the both of them without herself panting.

 Still, Anna is the Empress, this much she knows; and an empress remains strong, no matter the circumstances. She’ll trust Yuuma and bring Ichihoshi to someone who can help tend to his wounds. That’s her mission and she’ll make sure to accomplish.

[boglog]

HILL HOUSE NOTES !!

Objectively speaking, I like the show as a weird crossover between Transparent and American Horror Story but there are always some cons :/ One thing I will say is that I find it hard to review horror bc I'm too busy swimming in cortisol to notice plot holes but I watched the scary scenes w subtitles and no audio and that will have to do!!!

Cons:

The diologue is occasionally awful.

Scratch that it's terrible and the more the show goes on the more it nears Grey's Anatomy levels of nauseating

Firstly, there are way too many name drops esp when there are only two characters in the room, sometimes even one sentence after another, it's exhausting.

i.e. 'Stay right here, honey. I'm going to talk to the police now sweetie, I'll be right back.' // 'You eat people, Steve. You are a parasite, Steve.'

Second of all, 'Don't do that ever again. Don't do that. Where were you? I thought the house thingy got you.' kids don't talk like this. I know irl children tend to imitate the adults around them but the sheer amount of stock cliches these child actors are required to say is incredible

And honestly overall there's too much talking period. There are dozens of scenes where a character monologues for almost five minutes!!!!

I loved mind doppelgänger Leigh's speech but really let's tally it up: we've got Mrs Dudley's monologue, Olivia monologues a few times, Theo's monologue, Luke 2 or three monologues, one from Shirley, Hugh is not much of a talker so thank god they were consistent. And of course a lot of these are important to the story and even close to entertaining (see also: Nell yelling at Steve) but it's way too much and anything actually significant is diluted in this deluge of info-dump-y speeches

Why god??? Why?

Like this is television not radio but I guess it's another case of Forced Diegesis when summarising w flashbacks would actually be way easier on my psyche but Tacky for these Kinematic Auteurs

I would've liked a more in depth exploration of Olivia and her childhood experiences of paranormal tragedy to give us a better context for her morally grey slip into an evil mother

Still somewhat peeved at how, bc of supernatural instinct, we can justify Theo and CPS taking a child away from her home. Obviously the show can't waste so much time on what's only supposed to be a quick detour into Theo's character and it works within the world of the show given that the guy did confess but portrayals of police, first responders, social workers, ad nauseum making snap descisions like that is Not Good for people's real world perception of their rights. Just sayin.

Maybe a scene where Steve and Hugh apologise for being garbage humans or something idk that would've been nice

This show has many layers and interpretations which could either skew towards clever ambiguity or clumsy indescision and while I'm leaning toward the former, I will say it does go a little all over the place for me.

Are the Crains' superpowers genetic, from their mother? Did it come from the house? Why is the house was so vindictive? What does it want? Or is it more symbolic of the emptiness inside the characters? Why is Olivia decidedly an over controlling mother but Nell is an innocent? Is really the only thing Steve had to do to save his marriage was reverse the vasectomy? Nell died of her own paradoxical haunting that began when she was six so was the cause ultimately a sadness within herself before the house of strictly the house's pull?

Like it's v unclear (probably deliberately) wether or not the story was Psychosis All Along or it was the house's vendetta or bc the Crains specifically are a supernatural mutant family

We never find out what Nell does for a living and I'm curious

Finally: it's really white sometimes. Like. Painfully white. Granted, the Crains come close to my favourite kind of white person, the quirky dysfunctional family of adult children scattered all over the country who only reunite at their dead sister's funeral. Still, the POC tally up to two love interests (one of which DIES), one cop, one naïve widow, and one poor daughter-less foster parent. One could argue only a middle class white family would stay in a haunted house for so long ://

Pros

The show juggles seven characters and two plots flawlessly. Each character is recognisable w a distinct personality after about only two episodes, the nonlinear structure as we alternate between the present day frame story and the main plot in flashbacks before ultimately converging when the family reunites at the house for the last time is not only clear but parses its information in way that's not only not confusing but strengthens the tension and dread. Even while they show the flashbacks' ending (w Olivia and later Nell's death) as well as the epilogue, the build up still feels entirely justified. This is peak plotting right there.

Furthermore, Nell's ghost still manages to be in the spotlight with some jumpscares even after we know who she is

My soul pretty much left my body when Nell's ghost attempts to bond w her sisters via screaming as they argue in the car

A quintessential microcosm of the show's representation of time and memory is Nell's final speech: whimsically disjointed at first, poignant and clear by the end

It's a horror show that is completely dedicated to its characters (and I'm sure some of you already know my love of dysfunctional families) and centres around human themes of connection, mourning, and trauma and the necessity of vulnerability and letting go in order to live a full life. That's very rare in horror where we usually get gratuitous gore with a small spattering of sentimental scenes to further the gore.

Olivia's Forever House served as an excellent symbol for her need to control, the house's monicker implying her fear of change.

An incomplete but not bad portrayal of trauma, a decent addition to the topical and ever-expanding mental illness discourse

Also ft. meta commentary on writers

In the beginning, Olivia really was portrayed as a concerned mother who was always trying to be considerate of her children's emotional well-being despite her occasional snaps. One has to wonder wether her slip into an irrational need to control might reflect society's paradoxically oppressive expectations of motherhood: to have absolute control of your children while also being a benevolent saviour to them 24/7. I mean in all fairness to Olivia, she was working and raising 5 kids. I'd lose my marbles too.

Or maybe I'm giving the creators too much credit and they were only angling for an Other Mother thing. I like this Foucaultian nihilism though so we're gonna go w that.

The show's acknowledgment of Useless Dad and Entitled Eldest Son syndrome.

Spat my tea when doppelgänger Leigh ripped Steve a new one, and since she's a representation of his psyche maybe that means that Steve himself has gained some self awareness. (He should still... apologise to his family....)

I mean they were really spot-on with how birth order family drama goes.

Human portrayal of a lesbian as an adult and a child! As tumblr user Lesbeet said, this is very rare and deftly done!

Theo doing literally anything

Shirl is p adorable

Theo and Shirl: the comedy duo we absolutely need in our lives

Arthur and Nell's romance is joining Up's prologue in the golden vault of world's greatest ten minute love montages. (Both of which ended in tragédie. ☹️)

Shirl's AU dream sequence, which unlike the others, presents us with an extramarital faux pas that we were not previously aware of, manages to seem totally appropriate for her character

The set and costume design are perfect for the primordial fear of the unknown aesthetic the show was going for. Fairy flappers! Gothic stairwells! Punk rock leather gloves! A McMansion that doubles as a funeral home! Motels! A curvilinear LA mansion! The absolutely insane brutalist million dollar rehab centre! Oh boy!!!

Accurate mortician portrayal: they really do gotta wire the corpses' mouths shut. Those damn chatty dead people.

Tldr:

Diologue is lengthy and cheesy while the characters are Too White. The rare portrayals of POC and how social services work were lacklustre. 👎

The show's incredible ambition and dedication to its characters and themes of trauma, dysfunctional family relationships, and the consequences of coping via trying to control your life is amazing. Theo, especially, is amazing. It's a very goth show with clinically depressed ghosts.👍

[cole-saberhagen]

Why does Deif care so much about both if them? At least in so much as recognizing both of their power/expression and not wanting them to butt heads? A Chiss agent, a human jedi, and a human Sith seems an unexpected mix.

So this is where I have to explain how terrible and flawed my characters are ;)

A good question! which has a long answer. Putting this under a cut.

I have to first start off by explaining that Altaire used to be married to my Inquisitor Nox, until they divorced shortly before KotFE happened. It was a flawed and loveless marriage, but due to visions he had, Altaire assumed he was destined to be with ‘a powerful Chiss’ and Nox was the most powerful Sith Chiss he knew.

Turns out it was actually Diefenbaker, my Bounty Hunter, he was destined to be with, who he met at a Czerka weapons deal after party. Altaire took Nox to these events on dates to try and put the romance back into the marriage (hey, it’s a romantic place for a Sith who loves the latest lightsaber hilt designs!). I actually wrote a fic that explains this more, can read it here if interested.

Gayem Leksende organised the Czerka get togethers and invited Jacien, who was dark-sided at the time after leaving Gayem alive after the Tatooine mission. Jacien was offered free drinks and credits as his reward. This is the link between my characters all knowing each other. Dief’s partner at the time was involved in Czerka, it got him some sweet weapons deals and discounted drinks. He met Jacien at the party and they developed a casual relationship.

Diefenbaker is not by any means monogamous, but he makes this pretty clear to his partners straight up before they start anything. Jacien had no problem with this as it was only casual and, being a Jedi, had to keep it casual. Altaire on the other hand is strictly monogamous but does not want to be with anyone else other than Dief. It is a cause of friction in their relationship to this day but neither want to back down from their lifestyles.

Nox is currently still in carbonite. Altaire hasn’t been bothered to set up more expedition missions to find his ex or any more of my class characters, who may end up being former lovers of Dief, so Dief took over. Unfortunately for Altaire, not thinking it would happen so soon, they found Jacien instead.

Quinton, my Imperial Agent, (recently rescued from carbonite himself) took over the expedition to find Nox, who is actually his brother (this is one hell of a space opera lol, and I made full use of the family tree feature in-game). Neither him or his brother will be interested in claiming the throne, feeling Altaire is suited for it. My Jedi, Jacien and Philippe are another story. I may consider Philippe to be in an AU, because it’s complicated enough :P

Altaire is a generally manipulative shithead that pushes everyone he deems competition away from Diefenbaker as much as possible, (Torian being one example). He is extremely jealous of Diefenbaker’s conquests and believes that Diefenbaker will one day want to settle down with him and him only. Diefenbaker worries that becoming monogamous would make him bored and want to leave Altaire, who he loves more than anyone. It’s a flawed idea as he would in reality never get bored, but he does not know this.

The happiest day of Altaire’s life was a brief moment in time when they both emerged from carbonite and they were the only ones together. Over time Dief reconnected with past lovers, fearing he was falling into monogamy and Altaire grew resentful again. Finding Jacien just worsened this.

Dief is still attracted to Jacien and enjoys their time together. Altaire has pushed everyone else away so Dief uses Jacien as a means to cling to his multiple-partner lifestyle. However he is horrified to learn of Jacien’s plans to overthrow Altaire. Jacien is very distrustful of Sith and believes Dief is being ‘Sith mind tricked’ by Altaire. He feels that he just needs to break him away so that Dief can see the truth. This is the current conflict.

Dief always hated the Republic/Imperial wars, and with the Alliance he had some peace for a while. But now that Jacien is back it’s ruffled some feathers, to say the least.

- - -

That’s basically a history of what’s up with my characters since KotFE and what they get up to behind the scenes. I think I may have caused more questions than answers though, feel free to ask more!

I’m glad I don’t know anyone like my characters IRL because I’d run a mile from them lmao, they’re fun to play though.

This is kinda weird to write all this stuff down because it’s been an ongoing story (or space opera really) in my head for so many years. I live in my head a lot and think about Star Wars most of the time, haha.

[adorkablephil]

Fic: Listen (chapter 4)

Title: Listen Rating: PG Word Count: 2K (this chapter) Summary: Phil is a successful YouTuber, and Dan is a fan desperate for attention. Sounds like 2009, right? Except Phil is Deaf. Tags: AU, Deaf!Phil, Mute!Dan, Both YouTubers, Strangers to Friends to Lovers Author’s Note: Strangely enough, Phil’s traditional wave of the hand when he says, “Hi guys,” at the start of his videos irl is pretty much the British Sign Language sign for “hello.” Fic also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all “Listen” chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 4: Show Me

People rushed all around Phil, sometimes bumping into him, probably muttering unheard politely British words of apology. Phil ignored them, keeping his eyes on Dan’s train as it pulled into the station and the doors opened, emitting more hurried people. Phil watched for a tall, dark head and a familiar face, scanning the crowd eagerly.

When he didn’t see Dan right away, he pulled out his phone to give it a quick look, wondering if he should text something. They weren’t going to be able to talk, after all, so they’d almost certainly rely on texting as they had on Skype. Writing on paper and white boards had been dismal failures, since Dan’s handwriting was not only nearly illegible but inevitably smeared by his left-handedness. So they’d fallen into the habit of hanging out on Skype and texting each other, looking up to see each other’s reactions. Now they’d finally be able to do the same thing in person.

He fiddled with his phone a second, then decided that he didn’t need to text quite yet. He was tall enough that Dan should be able to spot him pretty easily. So he put his phone back in his pocket for the moment.

When he looked up, Dan had appeared in front of him as if by magic, looking young and beautiful and nervous. Phil smiled, and Dan waved his left hand in an exaggerated gesture, almost as if he was mocking Phil’s intro to his videos. Phil felt his smile slip a bit. But then Dan bit his lip shyly and gestured with his hands what looked a lot like BSL for “Not right?”

Phil’s eyes widened and his smiled broadened with excited surprise. Phil’s intro to his videos was the BSL sign for “hello,” after all, and that was what Dan had been doing, not mocking him.

Phil signed in awe, “You learned BSL for me?”

Dan ducked his head, scuffing his sneaker against the concrete of the platform, then looked up to meet Phil’s eyes again. He smiled and shrugged awkwardly, then signed, “A little. Not good.” His blush was adorable.

Phil swooped in and wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, laughing aloud and swinging him around in a circle. Dan grabbed his shoulders tightly at the unexpected sensation of leaving the ground, but grinned broadly when Phil planted him back on his feet.

Their eyes met and Phil desperately wanted to lean forward and finally kiss the lips he’d been fantasizing about for years, but he remembered how hesitant Dan had been when admitting his degree of inexperience, how Dan had texted him during one of their Skype calls that “nobody ever wanted to date a dummy.” He’d looked so vulnerable there on Phil’s computer screen, gazing down into his own lap so that he wouldn’t have to see Phil’s reaction.

Phil might have had a supportive social network and understanding friends at the Deaf school in Manchester, but Dan had always been alone in his muteness, surrounded by a world that didn’t accept or understand him, a world that instead mocked and belittled and judged. So Phil tried to keep in mind that this would all be very new to Dan, having someone really listening to him in person and not just over the Internet.

Dan might not speak orally, but—like Phil—he still spoke to thousands of YouTube viewers on a regular basis. Unlike Phil, though, he wasn’t used to speaking to someone in real life who understood him … especially not someone who had been pretty clear about his romantic and sexual attraction. From what little Dan had said, Phil figured he’d had probably never even flirted with anyone in person.

So Phil restrained himself from even reaching for Dan’s hand and instead just signed, “I’m so happy to see you!”

Dan nodded, his eyes roaming Phil’s face eagerly. Then he signed, “Coffee?”

Phil signed the letters to spell “Starbucks” and raised his eyebrows questioningly. When Dan nodded again, Phil picked up Dan’s bag and slung it over his own shoulder and gestured to Dan to follow.

Dan went to find them a table while Phil placed their orders. As usual, he just typed the order into his phone, then held it up for the cashier to read. He always set the font to be nice and large so he didn’t actually have to hand his phone over to strangers. The cashier smiled at him and he smiled back, then he turned to look for Dan.

He’d found a table near the large windows, and Phil went to join him. He pointed at his ear, then at Dan, then toward the counter, hoping that Dan would understand that he should listen for their names to be called when their drinks were ready, and Dan nodded.

The thick condensation on the windows made the world outside hazy and indistinct. Dan lifted a finger and drew a happy face in the moisture, then turned to beam at Phil. Phil lifted his own finger and drew a heart, making Dan blush and look away. But then a foot hooked around his ankle under the table and Phil knew that he hadn’t overstepped.

Suddenly the foot was gone and Dan jumped up to walk to the counter. He came back with their drinks and sat down again, looking into his coffee and stirring it in an obviously nervous manner. Phil reached out to touch his wrist to get his attention, and Dan looked up. “How was your trip?” Phil signed.

Dan frowned slightly, his brows drawing together in apparent confusion. He reddened and looked down again, then pulled out his phone. Phil watched him, puzzled, but then his own phone buzzed.

Dan: i didn’t actually learn that much sign language. just what I could find on youtube and from watching you

Phil looked up, but Dan still wasn’t meeting his eyes.

Phil: I think it’s incredible that you learned any at all! Now would you please at least look at me????

Dan looked up, and they smiled at each other. They sipped from their mugs and just looked at each other for a while. Phil nudged Dan’s foot under the table and they both grinned. Phil picked up his phone again.

Phil: So what signs do you know?

Dan shrugged, looking embarrassed. Then he was typing.

Dan: i’m not very good with sentences, mostly just words you say a lot in your videos

Phil raised his eyebrows, suddenly curious. Dan smirked mischievously, then signed, “Sweets.” Phil giggled. “Lion.” They both laughed. “Christmas. Anyway. Hugs. Adventure Time. Oh my god. To be honest. Best thing ever.” They were both snickering uncontrollably now. Then, with a flourish, Dan signed, “Today’s draw Phil naked is…” and they both laughed so loud that several people turned to look. Phil didn’t care a bit. Dan had watched his videos enough to learn some signs! He’d actually watched Phil’s hands and read the subtitles and purposely taught himself some BSL … just to surprise Phil when they met.

It was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him.

He looked at Dan’s lips and thought again about what it would be like to kiss him. When he raised his eyes to meet Dan’s gaze, he’d clearly been caught, because Dan was blushing again. He hooked his foot around Dan’s ankle and Dan’s smile brightened.

Phil: THANK YOU!!!! :)))))

He didn’t type, “I love you,” even though he wanted to, because suddenly that felt awkward, now that they were together in person, even though they’d been saying it for ages online. Telling someone you love them when you’ve just met felt kind of weird. Even though his heart was nearly bursting with it.

His phone buzzed in his hand.

Dan: if i text you some stuff can you show me how to sign it?

Phil nodded eagerly. Here he’d expected that they would have to communicate exclusively through texts during the whole visit, and instead Dan wanted to learn more BSL? This was better than anything he’d even dared imagine.

Dan: the train ride was really boring

Phil signed the sentence, and Dan copied him carefully, if a bit awkwardly.

Dan: i kept thinking about you

Phil’s smile grew while he signed that one. Then he signed, “I was thinking about you, too,” before typing the same sentence into a text.

Dan: dan is going to learn sign language

Dan frowned slightly in apparent confusion when Phil signed the statement, then clarified what had confused him in a text.

Dan: what was that sign you used?

Phil: which sign?

Dan held the letterspelling sign for “D” to his heart, head cocked with curiosity.

Phil: That’s my sign for your name.

Dan’s smile somehow became even sweeter as he glanced shyly down at the table, dimples clearly visible, then picked up his phone again.

Dan: then my sign for your name is

and he held the letterspelling sign for “P” to his own heart. His eyes met Phil’s and they didn’t look away. Phil still didn’t sign or text, “I love you,” but he felt like they both said it with their eyes. His friends and family had other signs for his name, but this would always be his favorite one now. He looked at Dan’s hand, still held to his heart, and then looked back into Dan’s eyes. After a moment, his phone buzzed.

Dan: you’re my favorite person

Phil: You’re mine, too.

Dan: no, show me how to sign it doofus!

They both chuckled, and Phil signed, “You’re my favorite person.” Dan mimicked him, signing the same thing back at him. Then Dan barraged him with a series of requests for signs, and Phil complied, modeling how to say each of the requested words and sentences in BSL, then watching Dan sign the same things back to him.

Dan: this is the best day of my life

Dan: i feel like the luckiest person ever

Dan: boyfriend

Dan: kiss

Dan: i want to kiss you

Surprised, almost shocked, Phil decided to make a joke to lighten the atmosphere, not wanting to risk Dan getting uncomfortable with how quickly things were moving.

Phil: Right here in the Starbucks?

But Dan’s face was serious. He glanced at Phil’s lips, then down at his phone.

Dan: just show me how to sign it. i want to see you sign it

Phil bit his lip, his heart pounding, then decided that he could be as brave as Dan was being. Dan was watching him again as Phil texted his reply.

Phil: Sure. It’s true, anyway.

When Dan looked up from his phone, Phil signed, “I want to kiss you.” Dan looked him directly in the eyes as he copied the signs in return.

Dan: phil has his own flat

Raising his eyebrows, Phil signed it, using Dan’s sign for his name.

Dan: we could be there right now

Phil signed the sentence, then shook his head in admiration. He’d expected Dan to be hesitant, but instead the boy was displaying an openness and honesty and courage that only made Phil fall even harder than he had already. “I love you,” he signed, not holding himself back anymore. Dan’s eyes widened, so apparently he had seen that one somewhere on YouTube, or maybe Phil had signed it to his viewers in one of his videos? In any case, Dan obviously understood what Phil had signed. After a slight hesitation, he signed the same in return, the movements of his hands and fingers slow and deliberate as he held Phil’s gaze.

They both stilled, just breathing in the private moment that surrounded them despite the busy strangers bustling around them in the coffee shop.

“I love you, Phil,” Dan signed again, adding on the sign he’d created for Phil’s name.

“I love you, too, Dan,” Phil signed, and then he reached his hand across the table, relieved when Dan took it and squeezed his fingers. They stayed that way until Phil couldn’t stand it anymore. He pulled his hand away and signed slowly, “Phil has his own flat. We could be there right now. Kissing.” And Dan smiled.

Dan: i’m pretty sure i understood that. let’s go

He stood up, smiling the loveliest smile Phil had ever seen, and pocketed his phone.

This time Phil was the one who copied him.

[Continue to Chapter 5]

[priincesspacificaarchive]

ntiitaniumxwill replied to your post “40) things you said when you met my parents crime au”

*kicks door down* oKAY SO i finally got around to reading this and my eyes teared up????? like for real?????????? i love this world and this AU has a special place in my heart and ive never even thought of dip's parents and i am............... Aghast at myself but u, my lovely and incredible wife, you are so AHEAD of me?????? i dont even know where to start. all of this is so beautiful, so detailed, the emotions , the atmosphere. i might be SCREAMING

*cue me flinching at the idea of a door being kicked down near me even tho i love this “meme”* i remember feeling almost numb writing it bc i was so worried about how i was going to write major’s parents. i didn’t want him to be too distant from them, but i wanted it to be obvious they were unaware of the situation. i wanted them to be unaware of everything that had happened after stan’s death. i wanted that awkwardness of meeting your bf/husband/whatever’s parents for the first time. i wanted there to be an obvious strain, an obvious change that no one was going to talk about bc “at least our boy came back”. i wasnt sure what i was going to do with them, everyone sees them so differently, i think. so i took a kind of middle-road approach, with them having instilled certain things in their children. i really was unsure of how i was going to handle the “killing blow” scene. i knew it was what i wanted to do w why they were visiting, but i wasnt sure how i was going to have their parents react. i’ve never lost a child, i’ve barely lost a loved one. i’m not very familiar w grief personally, so i was unsure how to paint these characters w it, especially since they’re still v static i think in general. women are p much biologically coded to be more willing to show emotions and to cry than men (it’s testosterone okay) so i knew i was going to have the mom cry. most of the men in my family go into some form of shutdown when they get overly-emotional so that’s what i went w for him. also i pulled the names out of my butt and didn’t realize the “ma” part of maggie, mabel, and mason until i was in the middle of that scene and had written it like five times. so that was completely on the fly. but this is honestly something i could’ve seen easily being tens of thousands of words one-shot material. i am so so so honored you loved them, bc i was so so unsure of them the whole time i was writing them. this whole drabble was new territory. i’d never written a “meet-the-parents” scene and have barely experienced any irl so i wanted to make sure it was the right amount of awkward/heart-warming/strained-bc-of-their-life-choices thing. i wanted so desperately for it to feel like major and lioness are almost emotionally detached from the whole thing, but i knew that even if major wasn’t dipper anymore, his parents would still inspire a small piece of what might be left in major. and lioness would be nervous for so many reasons and one of them would certainly be if they’d like her. if they’d think she’s the reason he hadn’t come home in so long.

again, i always see my writing in my head like a movie, and do my best to put that movie into words. the scene at the end, w them in major’s old room, i fought w the wording and pacing w it. i wanted it to feel like a time machine and a nostalgia trip and a little bit like a funeral all at once. i wanted it to feel like what a parent must feel to walk into their child’s room when they’re no longer there. i wanted it to be a mourning period, especially for pacifica, who mourns the loss of dipper more than almost anyone else. she loves major more than anyone in the universe, more than herself, but she will always, always miss the opportunity to know dipper. to fall in love with dipper. it’s not hers to regret, but she wishes so hard she could’ve known who that boy could grow up to be. what kind of man he could’ve become.

pls never worry about thinking about the parents. i almost never think about characters parents unless they’re important for plot reasons (like paz’s).  i literally made them up as i went. i tried to take into account how old they’d be and then like, compared it to my own parents and grandparents and tried to hit an idea of what they’d do w their time. watching wheel of fortune and game shows like that is something we often do in the evenings at my one set of grandparents’ house so that’s where that came from. and then someone had give mabel even the idea of knitting so i thought her mother would be a good place (plus my grandma knits so. jacked that from her too).

also also also the whole “they can’t stay here” line of thought came from a fic i’d re-read recently and i knew that was the tone i was going for.

thank you so much for reading this and also babe i LOVE YOU and ALL THE SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT YOU’VE GIVEN ME OVER THE YEARS!!! YOU’RE ONE REASON I KEEP COMING BACK AND WRITING. THANK YOU!!!

as i mentioned i remember feeling numb writing it, and now when i read over it i feel distanced, like i’m watching from afar. i might revisit this and extend it or something bc as much as they’re static-feeling i love how i portrayed their parents and would love another opportunity to expand on them. it felt like such a big thing to tackle, bc i knew there needed to be so much written to even cover why they’d go back to california. at one point i thought maybe i’d put them in their teens and they’d be there for the tradition of introducing your partner to your parents. maybe it would be after they’re married and it’s a stop on a short honeymoon. i had a handful of ideas why, but i knew this one was the right pick as many times as i wanted to make it something else.

the “opening scene” of them in the car, in my head there’s no background muisc, maybe the rushing of the wind through open windows, but no music. i can hear something soft and melancholy and aching when they’re in major’s old room, when they look at mabel’s door is when it’d start probs. that sad full house violin music when major’s trying to tell them mabel’s gone. when he’s explaining why. (literally that track makes me cry every time) something soft but ultimately happy plays when they reunion begins, hitting a crescendo when maggie throws herself down the stairs to her son. a sort of sinister music when lioness and major are telepathically talking about what major’s done to his father’s mind.

gosh i might have to do more parts bc i can see them staying for at least a weekend if not an entire week just talking to the parents and helping them understand and cope.

i’m so glad u love it, wife, and i’m so thankful that you see the details, but ultimately i think i could’ve given even more and extended it even further. this is definitely a thing i’m open to writing more of.]

[edit: the scene where they tell them about mabel, paz mentions her empathy spiking. i’ve lowkey decided that she’s so connected to major that some of what’s given him his telepathy has sort of flowed into her, and because she’s taken on being major’s humanity, she’s extremely empathic, and the supernatural just enhanced it. so she actually feels what others are feeling. this allows her to be more aware of major’s emotional state, but also can be used to manipulate enemies and lackeys alike. she can’t manipulate their emotions, but she can use what she’s feeling from them to sway them one way or another. touching mr. pines in the scene where her body is screaming at her to be comforting could’ve been disastrous bc his emotions are running so high from less than a foot away that she already felt like she was grieving as hard as he was. she might’ve completely lost herself in his emotions if she’d touched him. it was kinda a last-minute decision in that scene but it’s an idea i like a lot. she probably wouldn’t start to develop it until she’s been with major for years.

so yeah that was supposed to be a subtle thing but idk how subtle it was so i’m explaining it all now.]

[kingsofeverything]

Lauren don't stress yourself too much, you'll get it done and enjoy the process 💕

so i’m sure that people have heard me say this before, but i’m new to this whole writing thing. that includes all of it. so like.... everything i’ve written has sort of just tumbled out of me. not even kidding:

my first fic? i bought some lamps. at an antique store. and decided to write a fic because why not? i thought it would be the only one i’d ever write, so i filled it will every larry/1d cliche i could think of.

second fic? (running over thoughts) i wanted to see what it was like to write in present tense. also we were in the middle of a hurricane and i was bored. also i live at the beach. also i may or may not have pulled a lot of that stuff from my actual life. also one day i’d like to write a sailboat fic, which that one actually started as (more irl stuff)

3rd fic (messtival) i wanted to see if i could write from someone else’s prompt and not have smut

4th fic (yours in fractions) was talking in my gc about tropes and asked for them to throw some out at me. amanda @alarrylarrie said bed sharing. there ya go. NOW, this is the first time that i struggled with writing. i split it up into sections as i was writing it, i mean maybe you could call them chapters, idk. but i got to the last section and I HATED IT. so i decided to do nanowrimo. yeah. so i dropped YIF and left it alone for 30 days while i wrote:

my 5th fic, but the fic that i held onto until big bang. (how fast you fall) when we were tossing around ideas and tropes before YIF, one of amanda’s ideas was a love actually xmas au based on the porn actor stand ins. i thought it was fucking hilarious and there ya go. i wrote my ass off for the entire month of november and let me tell you, that fic was a mess. A MESS. this was the first time i tried outlining or even coming up with a plot at all before i wrote anything. it was weird, but basically it was just some words in a list that i went back and added to as i was writing. and it really did take like 6 months to edit. 

OKAY so then i went back and fixed the end of YIF and i’m happy with it now. but so i had to take an entire month away from it to be able to look at it and find a way to fix it.

my 6th fic! so my real 6th fic is actually a fic that i don’t think i’ll ever finish. it’s a really sad fic and basically i went into it thinking “i want to try to write something that is angsty and emotional but with a happy ending” and that was the first week of december. we all know what happened that week and i’d rather not discuss it, but basically, i just dropped it and couldn’t write anything for a like 10 days. which brings us to my actual 6th fic

6- (going to set himself on fire) it’s very short. 2k. wrote it in a couple of hours. just needed something funny, light, pwp, just........... something to take my mind off of things and there it is.

7- my most popular fic by far - (fall at my door) - i started it the day after xmas and i think it took me like... 2 weeks to write. and all i started with was the idea that i wanted to write a famous/famous fic. i got like halfway through the first part (louis’ pov) and started thinking “ohhh i should show harry’s pov” BUT i didn’t start planning his pov or anything? ugh i’m a mess. seriously. going back and lining shit up was such a clusterfuck. but it was fun!

8- (collide) found out a drabble is supposed to be 100 words exactly, thought i’d try it out.

9- (mercedes boy) @louandhazaf nic’s bday fic. sometime around nye i decided to write bday fics for my gc. i think it was right after i posted a scene from famd for @nottooldforthisship b’s bday. and lol ash @unintentionalarry was like my bday is in 4 days lolllll so she got a scene from famd too! lol 

10- ok so right after famd i signed up for the hp1d exchange - my first exchange! and omg i hated the first like month and a half of it because i didn’t like what i was writing AT ALL. i ended up scrapping an entire fic. but i uploaded my 10th fic (the oldest magic word) in the end of march.

11 & 12 (with a word) and (possessing all of me) are pretty much pwp sequels to famd and mercedes boy. both are bday fics. for @someonethatsfunny and @fratboylouie 

13- (it had to be you) the when harry met sally au. really the first “idea” i’d ever had for a fic. like when i first read larry fic, i was like oooh this movie would be cool as a fic. and then i forgot about it. and then i was watching gifs of billy crystal with the boys when they were on corden and i was like... i should write this now. so i did.

14- (one of many) a pwp bday fic for @theonewiththebluemic :D

15- my vegas fic (stranded in a dream) - written because i was told we weren’t welcome so :P

16- (soft wings) - bday fic for @alarrylarrie and ngl i struggled with it. this whole writing “difficulty” started after the vegas fic. idk.

17- my summer exchange fic, which i finished like.... idk a while back. before it had to be you, i think? maybe right after? can’t remember. 

in between all of this i’ve started like..... idk how many fics that i’ve (temporarily) abandoned. a puppy trainer fic. the sad fic. an exes to lovers fic that takes place during a hurricane. a restaurant au fwb hate to love fic. the other hp1d fic. a soulmate fic. a drunken leg wrestling fic (idk? i’m sorry?). a praise kink fic. 

my current wips that i haven’t abandoned abandoned are my robot fic, maybe that exes to lovers fic, a camper famous/not famous fic....... i think that’s it? idk. 

ANYWAY, OMG ANON I’M SO SORRY.  i’ve just rambled and rambled. i just haven’t been motivated to write at all. and when i have i’ve felt very ehhhh about it. whereas everything else that i’ve written above, i’ve really had fun writing. so basically.... if it’s not fun, i’m not into it. and i think that’s really lazy of me. so there’s like this weird cycle where i’m like “but it’s a hobby so it shoud be fun, but if i don’t write i won’t write, and i should make myself write because sometimes it’s hard.........” blah. but also irl stress and bullshit and maybe that’s what’s bothering me. idk.