#the answer i recieved for this question (why do bad things happen to good people?) was the idea of having free will but that's it

[shalom-iamcominghome]

One of the ways in which people have tried to make sense of the world's suffering in every generation has been by assuming that we deserve what we get, that somehow our misfortunes come as punishment for our sins...

...

The idea that God gives people what they deserve, that our misdeeds cause our misfortune, is a neat and attractive solution to the problem of evil at several levels, but it has a number of serious limitations. As we have seen, it teaches people to blame themselves. It creates guilt even where there is no basis for guilt. It makes them hate God, even as it makes them hate themselves. And most disturbingly enough, it does not even fit the facts.

-Harold S. Kushner, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, p. 12 & 14, 1981.

[drewsarms]

𓍼 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚜

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི more dark/icky!rafe bc you guys seems to loveeee him. Heavily inspired by these two post!! post 1 post 2

warnings: I would like to say I do not condone abuse or domestic violence. do NOT try to clock me. This is all fantasy. You have been warned. This is very…sinister maybe disturbing for some so proceed and read with caution. mentions of ownership, branding, slapping, spitting, tear licking, corruption, manipulation, very slight mentions of blood, 18+ mdni!!

If you sat and thought about the situation that you were in now it may seem troubling. You found yourself always asking how you’d end up with Rafe. With his actions. The people from The Cut and Figure 8 asks the same things to themselves and among their peers. You were such a sweet girl (still are). Always helping out when needed. Always being at arms reach for anyone despite what the situation was but now…now it was different. Instead of being there for everyone else it was always Rafe. Rafe was always in the picture. The cold hard stares you’d recieve from people did bother you to an extent but then again you were happy. If the word happy could ever describe it. Being up under Rafe and always at his service was something you loved, something that you’d never thought would bring you so much joy.

Fortunate was the word to describe it. To describe your connection with Rafe. Many girls would have loved to be in your place, right? The busted lip. The bruising. The branding from his ring. The burn mark from his bike when you tried to leave him. The accusations of your mind slipping to places it shouldn’t have been. Does he really love me? Why is he doing this? Is this wrong? But to you, the markings made up for it. The markings were your answer. I mean, why would he put markings that people could see, that people would know who you belonged to if he didn’t truly love you?

You found yourself stumbling in the bathroom, almost teary eyed from how hard Rafe pulled your hair when you asked him a question. “Can I go cover these bruises up? People are staring.” That was all you asked. You didn’t think it would cause such a commotion. As you rubbed your bruises, remembering what happened the last time, you overheard girls whispering as you stared at yourself in the mirror fixing your makeup. Do you think she lets him do that to her? She was such a sweet girl before. You would’ve never thought something like that would happen to her. How could she stay with a man who beats her?

“Beats me?” You thought. No. It wasn’t “beating” it couldn’t have been. It was love. At least that’s what he told you when you’d cry for him to stop. That’s what you believed. You believed any and everything that came out of Rafe’s mouth.

Wiping away your tears, trying your best to seem like you handled the situation you found Rafe amongst his friends. Your grabbed gently at his bicep. “Can we please leave. There’s something I need to talk about.” That was it. That was the last thing you remembered to come out of your mouth coherently as Rafe dragged you out of the truck and into his room.

Marks covered your entire body as you laid on the bed. A faint taste of blood swirling in your mouth, mixed with Rafe’s spit that he watched trickle down your throat, as you looked up at him in fear. “How many fucking times have I told you not to ask me questions like that?” A harsh slap coming down against your cheek and then your swollen pussy. You whined, trying so hard to conceal your cries. You didn’t want him to think he was hurting you. You didn’t want him to know how bad this was affecting you. You wanted to be his good little girl and crying because you were in pain wasn’t going to show that. “I’m so-sorry daddy. I promise it won’t happen again!” Rafe’s mind was somewhere else as he positioned three fingers against your sopping hole. “You said that the last time didn’t you bun?” Rafe pushed three fingers inside you of you, releasing a stringed cry from your lips.

You were already a mess. Bruises forming on your skin from his fist and spit dripping off your face as Rafe rubbed it in, ruining your makeup more than your tears ever could. You pressed your legs together hoping he’d go easy. But that was the thing. Rafe never went easy. Especially when he was like this. He absolutely loved doing this to you, more than he’d like to admit and secretly you loved it too.“Open those legs or I’m gonna make it worse for you.” How much worse could this possibly get? How much farther could he take this? That was a question to an answer didn’t want to feel, you didn’t want to find out. Rafe added another finger as he watched you stretch out around him. He reached up and pinched your nipples. Your mind was completely blank at this point. The only feeling you had was the fuzziness coming from your stomach down to your feet and the harsh lingering feeling of his slaps all across your body. “This will fucking teach you, won’t it?” Rafe started to slide his fingers in and out of you faster making you soak his sheets. The feeling of regret and somewhat wavered thoughts ran across the frontal lobe of your brain. What was left of it anyway.

Was this luck? Was this what you considered to be fortunate? Your tears welled up in your eyes, coming down like hurricane rain. You began to hiccup and sniffle as you reached out for Rafe, hoping to feel that sense of comfort that always made you realize that he loved you, that this is what you wanted. Rafe cups your face as he stares blankly at your witless expression, eyes widened and brows raised. “Aw bunny. Are those tears? It feels good doesn’t it?” Rafe slowly licks your tears while moaning against your face. If you were in your right mind you’d tell him no, it didn’t feel good, but as corrupted as you were it felt like a high you couldn’t, didn’t, want to come down from. You shook your head earning another harsh slap, this time right against your mouth, making you bleed more promptly. “Answer me.” An elated screech came from your swollen lips as he pumped faster now adding a fourth finger. “Y-yes daddy! Please don’t stop!” And he wasn’t. Not until you were a shaking, panting, whining, pleading, eye rolling mess for him. Not until you realized that what he was doing to you, what he’d say to you, was the right thing. After all, Rafe was doing this because he loved you and those kisses to your forehead while he whispered how good you were for him proved it.

The love for him was unbearable. This is what love was. This was Rafe’s way of showing just how much you meant to him. How could you have ever questioned him?

Taglist 🏷️: @nemesyaaa @starkeysprincess @starkeyslove @venic-bxtch @archiveofvirtue @rafeyscurtainbangs @rafesangelita @fae-of-prey @bunnyrafe @wearemadeofstardust0 @starkeysbebe @shellxrls @erwinsvow

[letterlitter]

Like fawns to the huntsmen

Lestappen

•Max needs to be careful, his relationship with Charles cannot get out.

•Tags: angst maybe??, a tiny bit of fluff

•word count: about 800

"Max? Max? Come back to earth please."

Max blinked himself to consciousness as the reporter-filled room burst into laughter from his zoning out. The question as far as Max could remember was about Ferrari so he tried to whip up an answer, "I think Ferrari is in a good place at the moment and we will have to see if they could keep it up. Charles and Carlos are old friends and it would be fun to race against them and see them eat a little bit more of the dust I have to blow."

Another wave of laughter filled the air and marked the end of the press conference for Max. Even with hating to be interviewed, he had been somewhat prepared for this. The reporters had been asking him questions about Charles over and over again in different ways and different context just to see how he would respond. Just to catch him off guard and make his tongue slip a secret or an unexpected opinion they could use to make them both look bad.

Formula one is a male dominated sport, most of whom are homophobic and racist and definitely not open to new things; so if Max's secret would be out, it would only be a matter of time until they both received countless death threats and even more hate messages telling them they will go to hell.

That was the last thing either of them wanted now that they were both at the peak of their careers. So they decided to hide what they have and tell everyone they're just good friends.

Charles was okay with this. He was good at hiding strong feelings of his, having been through so much in his life and continuing to do so. He could feel satisfied for the day with recieving small glances and smiles and Max's hand being wrapped around his waist to take a picture when they were both on the podium. It was the best he could ask for.

Max on the other hand was different. He liked to show people what he has done and what boy he has pulled. He liked people to know that they will go to the same hotel room after to celebrate their wins; to have their own little private party making everybody else in the world jealous of not knowing what will happen behind closed doors.

But not everything could go as the three times F1 world champion would want. Money could buy a lot, but not everything. This was one of them.

It was way too risky. Reporters would constantly ask him "how's Charles?" Or "any thought about Leclerc today?" Like they knew everything about what was going on between them. All the F1 ads and merch would put their pictures next to eachother on purpose. The camera flashes, like loaded guns, would go crazy everytime they even looked into each other's eyes.

Charles always thought if anyone would care enough to look closer, they would find out about them. He would nudge Max on the shoulder and whisper "don't be so obvious" when he kept staring at Charles's lips while waiting for his own post race interview.

Charles liked their dirty little secret. He liked it that no one could dare make their choices for them and they could keep denying it if anybody asked. Nice and easy and private.

Max loved Charles with every single vein in his body. He loved him so much he could barely breathe. He loved him so much his bones would ache. Charles was the only good thing Max still had from his childhood.

Charles's feeling had formed pretty early on. Ever since he didn't know what to call them. He just liked Max; he liked to tease him and make him mad by ignoring his concerns about the race. They were kids after all, who would care that much about a silly little karting mistake?

Charles liked to be around Max and it took him a while to realize why.

They kept eachother grounded, calm. They kept the noise down for eachother when things got way too overwhelming. They were each other's little miracle.

But things were sometimes harder as they were easy. Ferrari wasn't always the best team and Jos was never the best dad. Them going to eachother and having short meetings behind the garages would sometimes become unbearable. Why couldn't Max just kiss Charles right on that podium? Why would it make a scene if Charles hugged Max tight when he was down?

The sport reporters and photographers were everywhere. Any "wrong" move would make it right to the front page of every magazine and website, ruining their careers for the most part.

and there was nothing anyone could do. Only if they had been braver, only if they'd been less greedy. Only if the world wasn't so cruel...

[tsunderedoctor]

Ummm hello tsun! I've been following your content for quite sometime now, and reading them all made me feel happy. Recently, things had not been so great. I've been feeling ill, I haven't been taking care of myself, and I just found out that my father was cheating on my mother which really took a toll on me.

Can I request like Law just giving comfort to the reader who hasn't been taking care of oneself because of the recent bad news that they had been recieving the past months? The way you describe Law is so wonderful. The way he gives comfort to the reader even he tends to be the unaffected by feelings.

I'm looking forward to your future posts, have a great day!

I completely understand your pain (not the circumstance, but the pain is still there) and am going through that today which is why I figured now would be a good time to write this. I hope you are doing okay and know you are so loved in this world, even if it doesn't feel like it. I apologize for making this extra mushy lol.

Seeing your tearstained face always made his heart drop, his anxiety spiking through his blood as he tried to piece together just what happened today to cause such a scene. When you had told him the news about your parents it began to make sense in his brain why you looked so distraught. 

Though he never understood that pain, his parents always painted the fairytale story life in front of him and his sister. He does understand the grief that comes with losing that happy-go-lucky image you pictured them having. 

He already knew you didn’t feel well, the physical pain already taxing on your mental health, and now the news too? He wasn’t a psychiatrist, but he could put together these two circumstances can put an even heavier toll on your already faltering psyche.

Law is never good with words (unless they were about insulting people-), so he usually shows his love through actions. Whether it be making your favorite meal or just holding you. He will do his best to reassure you physically that he is here for you and that everything is going to be alright in the end. 

Holding your body close to his own cool skin, he sighed as he breathed in your scent. Here he was trying to make you feel better and he was already relaxing from you being so close to him. Letting you get comfortable in his lap, he leaned his head against your own in a calming manner. Grey eyes closed, he hummed a soft melody he remembered his mother used to sing to help him sleep on stormy nights. 

Looking up at the man, you sniffed away your tears and listened to his soft voice. Doing your best to stay quiet, not wanting to interrupt him, you waited until he finished humming before letting your question out. “What was that from?” 

Looking at you from the corner of his eyes, he coughed awkwardly before answering. “My mom used to sign it to us.” 

Nodding your head, you pulled the man close, kissing his chin as his stubble tickled your cheek and nose. “Thank you Law, it was beautiful.” 

Feeling his cheeks heat up, the man didn’t answer, only pulling you closer to his cool body. Resting your head against his chest, you smiled as you played with the string of his jacket. It’s going to be okay, it will work out in the end, and more importantly, you aren’t alone. 

[skellebonez]

Could you do number 46. They have amnesia? With Monkie King and MK If you’re still doing the request/prompts

You didn't say who had to have amnesia, anon. Spoilers for episodes up to S2E6 inside.

They have amnesia?

"How is this even possible?" MK asked softly, not wanting to be heard but knowing that Wukong’s superior hearing would pick up most of what he was saying. Though given how distracted he was...

"It shouldn't be!" Tang exclaimed equally as quiet, watching his hero with a mix of curiosity and dismay. "He's the Monkey King, nothing should be able to hurt him like this."

"Maybe he wasn't hurt," Mei offered, watching Wukong herself as Pigsy held up another photograph and only recieved a confused look in response. "Maybe it's magic. He can be affected by magic that isn't directly hurting him, right? Even if it takes something big to hurt him physically a spell or curse could still something."

"That is a possibility..." Tang muttered under his breathe. He ran his hand through his hair, sighing as Pigsy seemed to exhaust photographs and illustrations to show the Monkey King. Sandy stood beside them both, Mo curled up in Wukong’s arms instead of his usual place on the big guy's shoulder, and said something in hushed tones that made the Monkey King's ears pull back. "There are no shortages of either that could cause memory loss, hopefully for us temporarily so. And he didn't seem injured in any way when we found him outside the shop... though he shouldn't even be here, he was on vacation! Wouldn't he have told you he was coming back?"

"Maybe..." MK started slowly, watching as Pigsy held up a group of photos and Wukong pointed to one of them excitedly. "But he's been acting... weird since he left anyway. Like he was distracted. I kinda just tried not to worry about it but..." He trailed off, jumping as a loud snap was heard and then wishing he had the staff out in his hands to wrap them around it instead of the mop he just snapped in two. "... crap..."

"You're worried," Mei said softly, laying her hand on her best friend's shoulder. "I am too, even though I may not know the Monkey King that well. But once we find out exactly how much he remembers we can find a way to help him."

"Yeah, about that," Pigsy's voice broke through their conversation as he made his way over. The chef looked perturbed. "So we went through all your pictures MK. He remembers going on the journey, though the details of it are lost, and he knows Mount Huaguo like the back of his hand. But he doesn't remember like 99% of the journey, can't remember any of his monkeys, can't remember us, can't even remember that he's the Monkey King or what that title means." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his snout for a second before continuing. "What he does remember clearly is that he lives alone on an island and that it's the modern day, he went on some big journey he barely recalls... and that he knows MK and that MK is important."

"What?" MK looked away from where he had glanced over to Wukong, staring at Pigsy in disbelief. "Wait, you're telling me I'm the only person he remembers!?"

"Barely!" Pigsy elaborated with another sigh. "Kid, whatever happened to him really messed up his memories. He knows your name and face and that you're important. He kind of remembers training you. But that is it. He doesn't recognize anyone else. And I don't know him that good, but he doesn't seem to be acting like his normal self either."

This was bad. There was no other way to put it. And they needed to figure something out fast.

"MK?" Wukong said suddenly, having wandered up to the group. He still had Mo in his arms, the cat looking up at him in concern. "Is everything alright, Bud?"

It most certainly was not.

~

"This is my house?" Wukong asked softly, one of the first things he had said since MK and he had arrived back on Mount Huaguo. Getting him home was easy enough, one of the few things he remembered was where he lived after all, but he seemed confused regardless. Perhaps he didn't remember the mountain as much as Pigsy thought he did. "It's... cozy!" He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "When your boss told me I was a king I kind of worried that... well, I don't know why, I was just worried for some reason. Weird."

Weird didn't even begin to cover it.

Pigsy wasn't lying when he said that Wukong hadn't been acting like his normal self. Instead of the loud and boisterous and kind of, admittedly, self important Monkey King MK expected, Wukong was oddly subdued. Maybe it was the amnesia making him weary, but he was acting so much like he had for just the shortest moments at the Lunar New Year festival (both before the fireworks had cheered him up and after the fight with the Spider Queen) that MK was starting to wonder...

"I really do live alone except for my monkeys, huh?" Wukong said softly, one of the aforementioned monkeys looking at him in their own concern.

When he saw them face to face he seemed to recall at least a bit. That he cared for them in some capacity both as an actual caregiver and as "I guess a King is right" as Wukong put it. But while he knew each one on the island by name before he couldn't recall a single one now. But MK remembered that the little one that followed them inside was called Yue, partly because he had been the one to help name her.

Knowing that Wukong likely didn't remember that day, let alone how important it had been to him to include his student in this endeavor, made MK's chest hurt.

"Yeah, it's, uh... yeah," MK attempted to confirm, coming off as awkward as he felt internally. Everything about this was awkward. But MK could not, and would not, leave his mentor while he could only barely recall how to navigate his own home island. "So... we didn't exactly get that much to eat at Pigsy's... you hungry?"

~

The two ate in moderate silence. MK didn't want to force Wukong to feel awkward by asking him about topics he couldn't remember (the last few confused and then apologetic smiles made him feel too bad to try again). He managed to find something, at least, however small it was.

Wukong seemed to remember little bits and pieces about himself. Not everything, obviously, but he remembered some important things. He knew he was immortal and invincible. He knew that he was very very old. He knew he was technically not a regular demon monkey but a stone monkey born out of a... well, a stone. And he remembered his dietary preferences.

This last one was news to MK, who had never actually seen him eat more than peaches and peach chips and food made from his own hair (which was not something he was looking forward to trying again). But it made fashioning something for them to eat easier. Something simple, rice for both of them with fresh peaches (he had so many of these things in his fridge and MK did not know how they lasted without spoiling, but he did not ask) for his mentor and rice with some tofu and green onions for MK (simple, but with seasoning and sauce that for some reason had his own initials on it tasty, he had to remember to ask about that... after).

It was... kind of nice, the situation aside.

"... am I your... absentee dad?"

And there that went right out the window and right into the volcanic inferno of the flaming mountains!

MK nearly choked on his rice, barely managing to chug a glass of water before managing out a "HWUH?" in his mentor's direction.

"I-I'm sorry!" Wukong stuttered out, the uncertainty in his voice sounding wrong. "I just... I thought... there's stuff in here with your name on it but there isn't a place for you to stay, the second room is just storage, so I thought..." He trailed off, biting his lip before sighing. "You told me you were my student. But that... it's doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel wrong but it feels... sorry."

Taking a moment to breathe in deeply, MK steeled himself.

"No, don't apologize," he started, setting his bowl to the side and staying quiet for a moment. "No, you're not... my dad. But I noticed those things too. I've never really been inside your house all that much, only a couple times before you left and only twice since. You don't..." He paused, trying to find the right words to express himself. "I guess I'm just realizing there's a lot of things you don't tell me."

"... it'd be kind of awkward if I just ruined some kind of big thing I was gonna tell you when I got back," Wukong said through another bite of a peach.

"Yeah, I doubt you were gonna tell me you'e adopting me," MK laughed out awkwardly... but that awkwardness lingered long after the conversation moved on to how much of the stuff in the house he remembered.

~

MK woke up in a sleeping bag in a room that didn't belong to him. He was confused at first, sitting up quickly and looking around before realizing that he was just in Wukong's house. On the floor of Wukong's bedroom, actually. The Monkey King had insisted that he could not sleep on the couch, comfortable as it looked, and they looked around in his storage room for any alternative until they found this.

It was comfortable enough. But not so comfortable he slept through what had woken him.

It sounded like crying.

Not loud, not enough to wake most people. But MK was already highly stressed from the situation and had developed much better hearing since obtaining the Monkey King Powers (how he had thought he needed to learn super hearing that one time he did not know now that he thought about it). So he picked up on the soft sniffs and whimpers and shakey breathes and now he would not be going back to sleep until he figured out what was up.

"Monkey King? You sure there isn-" MK froze as he turned to his mentor's bed, only to find it empty.

Well. Shit...

That probably answered that question.

MK wasted no time in jumping to his feet rushing out of the room and toward the crying before freezing in the door way to he living room.

Monkey King was sitting on the floor, TV on and VR set still strapped to his head.

"Oh... no..." MK muttered softly, making his way inside to stand behind Wukong. "Hey... Monkey King? What are you doing?"

Wukong flinched, he'd never seen him do that before, and gripped his controller tighter. He heard it creak worryingly under his grip.

"I... I saw this game earlier," he started slowly, and MK didn't need him to explain which one it was. The case, familiar to him now, was sitting in plain sight on the floor before them. "I dunno, it just... it felt important. And I couldn't sleep so I decided to go through some more of my stuff and... and..." He took in a shakey breathe, putting the controller down and taking the VR headset off. "I... it was weird looking at myself. Listening to myself tell me what do to. But it felt familar. So I kept playing and..."

MK put a hand on his mentor's shoulder and looked at the screen. He'd made it to the in game store, the temple. There Tripitaka, Tang Sanzang, resided to give the player passive abilities. "How long have you been playing?"

"An hour maybe?" Wukong offered, wiping the tears from his face. "I made it to Zhu Ganglie but I. I couldn't. I didn't want to... MK, I feel like I should remember these people. I can't look at them without feeling... sad. Guilty? I can't help but feel like I did something wrong to them?"

And MK's chest hurt once again, knowing that somewhere deep down in Wukong he hadn't completely forgotten his companions from his journey centuries ago. He should have pieced it together when he played. The art, the dialogue, the placement of the monk... he'd never seen the game on store shelves before either, never even heard of it.

But Sun Wukong had played this game for 10,000 hours.

"They're, uh... They're the people who were on your journey with you," MK started as he sat on the floor by his mentor. "You haven't gotten to Sha Wujing, but he's there too. So was Bai Long Ma. I could... tell you about them? I don't know all the stories by heart like Tang does, but I can try."

"You don't have to do that," Wukong said much more assuredly and firm than before. "If I did something that made me feel like this that should be my own burden to bear, not yours."

"Yeah... but I want to help you anyway."

The two sat in silence for a moment before Wukong stood and made his way into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with a small bowl of peaches and a wrapped pack of pears (once again with MK's initials on it). He sat on the couch, gesturing for his student to join him before he spoke.

"I appreciate the offer, I do... but I'll be able to learn that on my own before my memories return," Wukong said, biting into one of his peaches with a sad smile. "You said Tang, the guy from the noodle shop, knows them. I can ask him tomorrow... well, later today. But as I said before, that isn't your burden to bear. And I don't want to put that on you. And even though I remember you the most out of everything it feels like I don't know you as much as I should. So, if neither of us is going to sleep again any time soon... tell me about MK?"

"... When I moved into the apartment above Pigsy’s I took on MK as a nickname."

Wukong looked up in confusion for a moment before his eyes widened and he put all his focus on his student with a soft smile. "OK..."

The two talked for only roughly another hour, Sun Wukong listening to MK tell him anything he felt comfortable telling him. When he woke up he was back in the sleeping bag, the soft snores of the Monkey King resounding above him.

As he laid awake, the small monkey Yue having made her way inside to sleep on his chest making a good excuse to not get up, he wanted to mull over everything he had learned. He'd learned more about his mentor in the 6 waking hours they spent together in his home than he had his entire apprenticeship, and the same went the other way.

MK wondered just why Sun Wukong hid all this from him so far. For so long. And he knew now he couldn't have possibly been on vacation. Not when it resulted in this. The Monkey King had been hiding so much from him and it clearly wasn't limited to what he was doing behind his back.

But right now Sun Wukong trusted MK, him coming back with him to Mount Huaguo was evidence enough of that. And MK trusted him as he was now... but didn't know how much of Sun Wukong from the past to trust anymore. He needed to get his mentor's memories back. And he needed to get answers.

Sun Wukong slept on, oblivious to the conflict in his student's head.

[harryspet]

welcome to eden | steve rogers

[Warnings] dark!steve rogers x reader, stepford wives au, wife!reader, marriage au, institutional misogyny, wealthy!steve, housewives au, stepfordization, mind control/brainwashing, forced gender roles, breeding kink, oral sex (male recieving), vaginal sex (wear a condom, kids!), bad editing :)

A/N: i just love the concept of this! i was told this was done before but I hope you all like my interpretation!

THIS STORY CONTAINS TRIGGERING CONTENT

In which the neighborhood you and your husband Steve move into isn’t like anywhere else on earth. The women are flawless and the men are way too happy. 

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taglist: @lovelynerdytraveler @buckysbunny @hollandsdream @micki-smiles @buckybarnesplumwhore @arts-ismything @saharzek @lovemassivelybeautifulbouquet @what-is-your-wish @marvelslut-musicalnerd @brattypeony @hermayone @buckysugar @cherienymphe @peterztinglez @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @charmed-asylum @fishwaterr @marvelsswansong​ @nsfwsebbie​

word count: 4.8k

“Now that we actually own this place it feels different. You still don’t think this is all a little much?” 

Steve lifted the cardboard box you were holding from your hands, starting to make his way into the house, “It’s perfect, pumpkin.”

Eden. 

You were now homeowners in the most luxurious and exclusive neighborhood in upstate New York. Howard Stark created this safe haven in the sixties and people now knew it as “heaven on earth”. 

You followed him inside the fortress of a house, knowing he was smiling wide. Even in your wildest dreams you never imagined that you would live in a place like this. There were so many rooms that you’d run out of ideas for what to do with them. The massive foyer was twice as big as the home you grew up in. 

Perfect marble floors, a winding staircase that reminded you of a castle, and a ginormous chandelier that was no doubt made of real diamonds. You followed Steve as he made his way into the kitchen which was, again, made for the Gods. You’d never been good at cooking but now you felt you had to start giving it a try just because of how nice it was. 

It had three ovens! Who in the world needs three ovens? “I don’t think we even have enough stuff to fill the house, Steve.”

He set the box onto the counter and you were reminded of the small number of things inside compared to the amount of cabinet space, “We’ll buy more things. Lots of things! You have my card, you can order whatever you want online,” You took a deep breath, feeling overwhelmed even by the thought of decorating this place, “Hey now, c’ mere. This is supposed to be a happy day.”

You walked into his embrace, letting his strong arms wrap around you as you leaned your head against his hard chest, “I am happy,” You made sure to say though you weren’t convinced this house would ever feel normal, “And I’m grateful. I really am, Steve.”

Steve’s big promotion in security at Stark Industries was unexpected but of course, you were happy for him. You just didn’t expect he’d suddenly be making millions and, since the two of you were married now, that you’d have to make the move with him and start looking for new jobs in the city. He’d do the same for you so you felt it was your duty to suck it up and try to make things work. 

You looked up at him and a soft smile was on his kind face. He leaned down to press a comforting kiss to your forehead. You tilted up to kiss him. He deepened it and, like you always liked, the passion you’d felt with him escalated the situation. 

Suddenly, Steven lifted you onto the kitchen counter, his hands on your waist and started to explore beneath your shirt, “This is going to be so good for us,” He spoke huskily against your lips, “What do you say we christen the new place?”

You nodded eagerly as he began to kiss your neck, “One good thing is we’ll probably never run out of places to have sex in a house this big,” Steve chuckled at your words. For a moment, his kisses took away the anxiety you were feeling. Change is only a part of life and it was something you’d just have to get used to. Luckily, you had Steve by your side to get through it all. 

“Plenty of space for kids as well,” He said and you assumed it was an attempt to turn you on. You gripped his muscular arms tightly as he 

“Mhm, put a baby in me, Steve,” You played along, knowing that you were on birth control and that was unlikely to happen anytime soon. Steve was dying to be a father but you agreed before you got married that you would enjoy your marriage to each other before you considered having kids, “Please, Steve.”

You knew that would send him over the edge and only seconds later he was pulling down your bottoms and pushing himself between your legs. Before you two could get really hot and heavy, the doorbell rang and left you both frozen. 

Steve helped you off the counter and you were quickly trying to pull up your yoga pants as Steve zipped up his jeans, “Edith, who’s at the door?” Steve asked which caught you off guard. The mansion was also a smart house, equipped with artificial intelligence that Mr. Stark had developed. 

“James and Natasha Barnes, sir. Would you like me to let them in?” There were small monitors throughout the house including the kitchen. It lit up when the door rang with a picture of the couple standing at the front door. 

“Yes, Edith. Thank you,” Steve turned back to you, not with frustration that their moment had been interrupted, but with a mischievous smile, “We’ll finish what we started later.”

You nodded, forcing a smile as he grabbed your hand. The two of you walked to the foyer which was a trip within itself due to the size of the house. 

Bucky was one of Steve’s friends that you were never quite sure of. He’d known Steve for way longer than you so you never thought it was your place to ask questions about their relationship. Bucky just seemed to bring out Steve’s impulsive side and you preferred Steve when he was cool and level headed. 

Nat, on the other hand, you loved her. 

“Welcome to Eden, Rogers family,” Bucky announced, his voice booming through the foyer as they came into view. Already, something was off and it wasn’t because of the new environment. Bucky was clad in his suburban husband get-up, like he’d been golfing all day and Natasha looked like she was preparing to go to some old-fashioned garden party. You’d never seen her wear a sundress and never seen her smile so wide. 

“Thanks, Buck,” You heard Steve say, going to hug his best friend. 

As you walked up to embrace Natasha, she even felt different. As you pulled back, you searched her face for something missing, “Wow, your eyes are beautiful,” She said, still beaming. Her red hair was now blonde and reached down past her shoulders. Her skin was bright and her makeup, which she didn’t normally wear, was done to perfection. 

“Thank you,” You spoke, unsure of why she was just now noticing. Besides that, you didn’t think they were anything special, “You look great … so new.” You laughed awkwardly as you took a step back. Bucky placed a hand on the small of her back and she gazed back at him lovingly. 

“Honey, you act like you haven’t met Y/N a million times,” Bucky grinned towards you, trying to ease the awkwardness. 

“Of course,” Natasha agreed immediately. You couldn’t help but think her tone was lacking a certain emotion, “I love spending time with Y/N. It’s so nice to have girl friends, isn’t it?”

Suddenly, appearing from basically nowhere, she pulled out a dish. It was a pound cake and she presented it to you with a smile that was now starting to make you uncomfortable, “A house warming gift,” Bucky added as you accepted it, “Natasha has been taking up baking.”

“That’s very sweet,” You said and Steve added a thanks.

“You two should stay. Let us give you a tour!” Steve clapped his hands together in excitement.

“Sure,” You agreed, “Stay for dinner. We can order pizza.”

“Order? Pizza?” Natasha was smiling but her head cocked to the side in confusion. Bucky responded by grabbing her hand and, again, she looked up at him with loving eyes. 

“That sounds delicious, Y/N,” Bucky said, ignoring his wife. 

+

You rubbed moisturizer on your face as you looked back into your bathroom mirror. The room was the size of a regular room and the closet was basically an apartment within itself. Steve came from behind you, his hands on your waist as he pressed himself into you. 

“Should we continue where we left off?” He asked as you grabbed a hold of your toothbrush. 

His hands were still roaming over your body as you began to brush your teeth before bed. You didn’t answer his question, your mind far away, “You don’t think Nat was acting super off today?” You asked after spitting toothpaste into the sink, “I mean, quitting her job. Suddenly wanting to be a stay at home Mom? She just got a promotion a few months ago.”

Through the mirror, Steve gave you a look that told you he was about to play devil’s advocate, “She didn’t seem that different to me. I think she realized what she actually wanted after the move.”

Your eyes narrowed at him as you rinsed off your toothbrush, “Are you being serious, Steve?”

“Hey, don’t get mad at me,” Realizing he was not getting anything tonight, he stepped back with his hands in the air, “You never know about these things. People change. Who knows, maybe our priorities will change too.”

You scoffed, turning off the water, “My only priority right now is landing the Cosmopolitan contract. I can think about priorities once I’m working again,” You walked past Steve, standing on the tip of your toes to kiss his cheek, but he still had a defeated look on his face, “Let’s go to bed, it’s been a long day.” 

+

You barely had time to enjoy your bowl of cereal milk before there was another ring at the doorbell. Without looking up from his bowl, Steve explained that he made plans for you and Natasha to spend the day together. You knew he was working on convincing you that this entire move was a great idea. Of course, you didn’t have time to protest because the new blonde was now impatiently honking the horn of the golf cart in your driveway. 

As soon as you stepped out of the house, you realized you were underdressed once again. Her attire today was a sundress full of blue flowers and beautiful pearls to go around her neck, “Good morning, sunshine!” She beamed as you climbed into the passenger seat. She looked over your regular t-shirt and jeans with a smile but you could tell she didn’t understand the way you were dressing, “It’s such a lovely day, isn’t it?”

“Yeah-”

“I know! I love gardening on days like this,” She suddenly pressed the gas and you were on your way. You were still figuring out what exactly happened to your friend since the last time she saw you but she could only seem to talk about gardening, “Bucky loves the flowers I plant. I put them in this gorgeous vase so he can look at them while he’s eating his favorite breakfast. It’s nice to have nice things to look at.”

Natasha showed you every house in the neighborhood, explaining what nuclear family lived in each house, “How come you know everyone who lives here? You never seemed like the type to ... “

“Oh, we all know each other in Eden. It’s like a family! Isn’t that sweet?”

You couldn’t even bring yourself to nod this time. You were starting to notice that every person we passed seemed … flawless. All the wives were perfectly dressed, wearing heels, and had neatly pinned hair. All the husbands looked way too happy. 

You passed a golf course and soon arrived at the clubhouse where you’d be attending a book club meeting. You were a reader yourself so the idea of that gave you some hope that you wouldn’t feel totally out of place today. 

That hope dissipated quickly when you stepped into the room. On a landing overlooking a pool, a group of flawless looking women sat in a circle like they were having a tea party rather than a book club meeting. 

They were all happy to meet you and Natash introduced you to everyone. Instead of their names, she started with their husband’s. There was Sam’s wife Sharon, Vision’s wife Wanda, Thor’s wife Val, Clint’s wife Laura and most importantly-

“Pepper!” The group of women erupted with cheers as the matriarch entered the room. You’d recognize Tony Wife’s anywhere just from the tabloids. She was pretty much America’s favorite wife, writing self-help books, and posing on the cover of home decor magazines. 

“Good morning, ladies,” She moved like a cloud, floating through the room as she commanded everyone’s attention. She took a second look at you as she made her way to her chair, “Steve’s wife Y/N, it’s lovely to meet you and, wow, you have such beautiful eyes. Welcome to the book club!”

The room erupted in giggles and clapping once again. You felt you were in some sort of simulation, like a social prank and you were waiting for some tv show host to come out and reveal that all these people were paid actors. 

Pepper continued, crossing her ankles as she flattened out the skirt of her purple colored dress, “I hope you are all feeling like I am. My husband is happy, the kids are happy, my friends are happy and that. Makes. Me. Overjoyed,” Her words put them in a trance and they seemed even more robot-like than they already were, “I only want to add to that feeling so today we are discussing a highly anticipated book.”

You weren’t sure what you were expecting but you clearly weren’t on the same page as everyone else. Natasha nudged your side, giddy as ever, “I present to you ladies, Melanie Winkle’s Christmas Baking Book!” Now you were positive that you were in a simulation, “Christmas is a few months away but the season is so busy that I think we should get an early start this year. Who knows how many dance recitals, charity fundraisers, and Christmas parties we will all attend this winter? Too many to count! This book is going to change all of our lives.”

Natasha leaned into your ear, “I love Christmas, don’t you?”

“Nat?” Her eyes widened with curiosity, “Blink twice if someone is holding you hostage.”

She didn’t blink at all, “You’re silly, Y/N. You always make me laugh, don’t you?”

+

The next week passed in a blur. You had no idea how many brain dead women you had met or how many times Steve had told you that you were crazy for stressing over the Natasha situation. Tomorrow, you had an interview and you could finally leave the neighborhood and be around people who didn’t only care about knitting and Christmas decorations. 

Before you could have your sweet escape, your limit was met. 

You were attending a yoga class led by Pepper that Natasha had brought you to. It was an otherwise normal experience despite Pepper chanting about how true peace is reached when your “home is happy”. 

The class was in a cat’s pose when Wanda suddenly fell down to her stomach. The class froze and you rushed to her side. Your heart racing, you placed a hand on her back to check to see what was wrong. You brushed her hair from her facing, seeing that her eyes were wide open and she was saying, “I love my husband. I love my family. I love my husband. I love my family,” She kept repeating those two phrases over and over, her gaze completely empty. 

You felt Natasha’s hand on your arm, trying to guide you away.

“She’s going to be just fine, girls,” Pepper said calmly like the woman wasn’t having a nervous breakdown, “Us women are so delicate, with the yoga and the hot weather outside, she must be overheating. Natasha, will you lead the girls into the other room?”

“I think she needs medical attention,” You interjected, staring around the room to find a like mind. 

“Tony can help her,” Pepper smiled.

“She needs a doctor!” The room went silent before the wives began to whisper. 

“I love my husband. I love my husband. I love- I love- It’s a lovely day outside, isn’t it? Isn’t it?” 

“We will get her the help she needs, do not worry,” Piper continued, folding her arms in front of her. 

Natasha pulled your arm harder this time, “Y/N, let me walk you home. It’s a lovely day for a walk.”

You left the room with a feeling of complete uncertainty and as soon as Natasha was out of your site, you stormed up the spiral stairs to find Steve’s office, “Steve!” You shouted his name as you speedily walked through the long hallway. You pushed open the two, large, oak doors that led into the study and stormed inside, “Steve Rogers, I am done!”

Steve looked up from his desk and Tony turned to face you from his place in the chair in front of his desk. 

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Steve stood from his chair, concerned. 

You stared at Tony Stark, not with awe because he was the most famous engineer in the world, but with anger, “I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you, Y/N,” Tony stood next, fixing the buttons on his suit jacket, “Steve tells me you’re a photographer. Quite a talented one.”

You eyed him carefully, somehow knowing that he was the source of all that was wrong here, “I need to talk to my husband, alone, if you don’t mind.”

Steve’s eyes darkened as he looked at you, “Y/N,” He said with a warning, trying to tell you not to be rude, “This is my boss-” “It’s quite alright, I know an angry wife when I see one. I enjoyed our conversation, Mr. Rogers, and I think we’re on the same page now,” Tony approached you, a smug look on his face, “I hope to see you around, sweetheart. Oh, and again, welcome to Eden.”

As he left the room, you became even more frustrated, “You can’t talk to me like that in front of my boss, Y/N.”

“Steve,” You walked closer to his desk, “Listen to me. It’s only been a week and I am losing my mind. The people here are … are robots! They’re old-fashioned and daft, especially the wives. Nat used to be smart and cunning and now all she can talk about are gardening magazines!”

“Gardening is a very relaxing hobby-”

“Oh, please,” You crossed your arms, “That woman was on her way to being a CEO and now she’s … she’s a shell.”

Steve walked around the desk to you, grabbing your hands while they shook with anger. The look in his eyes was sincere, loving, and brought you back to a simpler time. When you were first dating, living in a tiny apartment in the city, the two of you were so in love. 

“I know this move has been hard on you and I don’t want you to see this all as a mistake. I’m trying hard, I really am,” You nodded, trying to let his words soothe you. You pressed your head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, “Everything here is new to me too. They do things here differently than any other place I’ve been.”

“Yeah, it’s like a cult,” You felt his chest rumble as he chuckled. 

“I’m not sure about that. I do know that things are simpler here,” You felt his heartbeat quicken, “I always wanted the white picket fence, the two kids, a boy and girl, and a doting wife. She wouldn’t be bogged down by the stresses of modern life, I would take care of her … we’d be happy-”

You pushed away from him, tears pricking your eyes, “Steve, you can’t be serious,” You took a few more steps back. 

Steve sighed, “I wasn’t sure before. Bucky made it sound like a crazy fantasy but now that I’ve seen Nat and … now that I’ve talked to Tony…” 

You kept walking backward, your heart was now racing, “You kept saying she and her. Not me … I’m not the wife you want, am I?”

Steve stepped forward now. There was pain in his eyes like he didn’t want to hurt me but he had to keep pushing himself further, “You could be, pumpkin,” He tried to be endearing but his voice was weak. 

As soon as your back touched the door, you turned and yanked it open. You took off down the hallway and you cursed the fact that you let Steve by this crazy house. You looked back to see Steve standing at the top of the stairs as you hurried down them, “Y/N, please don’t make this hard!” Steve tried to plead. 

“Fuck you, Steve!” You shouted back, practically throwing yourself at the door. As you turned the lock, it didn’t budge, “Edith, open the door!”

“Only Mr. Rogers has command of my controls, Mrs. Rogers.”

Your face fell completely as tears streamed down your cheeks.

You felt him behind as you continued to pull at the doorknob, “Steve, I’m begging you …” He placed his hands on your hips, leaning down to whisper into your ear. 

“I promise it won’t hurt one bit, pumpkin.”

+

When Steve awoke a week later, he was dreading the day. It had been a week since Tony started working on you and Steve was nervous to see the final product of the reprogramming. He’d spent the week emailing your friends, family, and associates, making excuses about your whereabouts and your new change of career. 

Whatever problems he ran into, there was nothing that money couldn’t solve. 

As he made his way down the stairs that morning, he smelt something unusual. Steve had never woken to the smell of bacon and he had certainly never heard you humming sweet songs before. He saw the back of you first as he walked into the kitchen, knowing you were whisking away at some mixture in a bowl. 

Steve moved cautiously but you easily picked up on his movements. Part of Steve was surprised to see that you were still you. He hadn’t seen such a happy look on your face since the two of you had been engaged, “Hey, honey bear,” You greeted him and Steve could now see you were whisking pancakes, “Did you sleep well?”

Steve moved closer and you heard yourself say, “Don’t be shy, I’m making those pancakes you like from our favorite brunch spot.” 

“I didn’t think … how did you …”

You guessed what he was thinking easily, “I did a bunch of research and I found the recipe online. I hope I can make them just like you like them,” You set down the bowl, walking over to peck his lips. Your lips still felt the same which comforted Steve, “Why don’t you sit down at the table? I’ll bring them to you!”

“Oh,” Steve perked up, “I can help you. Where’s the recipe?”

“No need. Let me take care of you, please,” You searched his eyes for permission, “It’s the first day of our new life together and I just want to show you how much I love you.”

Steve nodded and you pecked his lips again. You smiled, knowing how much telling him that you loved him had please him. 

In the little breakfast nook, there was already a table full of food, the sunlight streaming in from the tall windows and illuminating the feast. Steve estimated that you had probably been cooking for hours at that point. A glass of orange juice as well, a cup of hot coffee was and today’s newspaper was waiting for him at the head of the table. 

You were completely focused on following the recipe, having measured everything precisely and you were now making perfect circles of batter in the frying pan. 

Steve watched your dress swing from side to side as you moved your hips, humming to some classical song. He had just realized that you’d chosen a blue dress, his favorite color, and you were wearing your hair just like he preferred. When you brought the tray of pancakes over to the table, you had an excited but expectant look on your face. You were probably as nervous as Steve was earlier. 

As you placed them in front of Steve, you stepped back and folded your hands over your apron, 

“You aren’t going to sit down?” Steve asked, grabbing his fork. 

“Would you like me to sit down?” You asked, a pleasant look on your face. 

“Yes, please,” Steve emphasized the seat beside him. He had a look of surprise on his face as if he hadn’t expected you to ask that. You maneuvered into the seat, neatly flattening your dress as you made yourself comfortable. 

You looked back at Steve, still expectant, “You don’t want to eat?”

“Of course, if that’s what you’d like, my love,” You started to fill your plate with scrambled eggs and pieces of fruit from the bowl you prepared. Even as you spooned the food into your mouth, the taste not registering in your mouth, you watched him. You made sure to push the syrup closer to him as you waited. 

When his fork finally picked up the food, your eyes were wide. 

“It takes just like the pancakes at Orla’s,” Steve complimented and you felt your heart race. You touched your chest, your cheeks feeling warm, as happiness flooded you, “They’re delicious, Y/N.”

“I’m so glad,” You beamed, “Eat more, please. Would you like a muffin? Sausage? I can blend you up a fresh smoothie.”

Steve placed a hand over yours, trying to stop you from ranting, “No, everything is perfect.”

And Steve meant it. 

When Steve finished his plate, you brought it to the sink despite his wishes to help you with dishes. When you came back to the table, you leaned in for what Steve thought was another peck on the lips. He was surprised when you deepened the kiss, resting your hands on the armrest as you leaned into him. 

When you pulled away, you weren’t even breathless, “You look very handsome this morning, Steve,” You told him, adoration in your eyes as you memorized every feature of his strong face, “Would you let me have the honor of pleasing you?”

“I’m already feeling pleased,” Steve grinned not expecting your hand to run down his chest and then over his boxers, “.... oh.”

“Please?” You pouted, feeling him through the fabric. He grew harder against your grasp and, by his pupils, you could tell he liked it, “Just let me touch it. Please, Steve?”

Steve cleared his throat awkwardly, nodding as he was left speechless. You reached into his boxers, grabbing his member which made Steve melt back into his chair. You freed it from its confinement, leaning down to let a trail of your spit coat the sensitive tip, “Just like that, Y/N,” You up and down his shaft, twisting and rubbing your thumb over the tip. 

You moved down to kneel in front of him, “I wanna taste it, Steve. I wanna taste you so bad,” You moaned, moving your mouth closer to him. 

“Put my cock in your mouth, baby,” You smiled before tasting the tip with your tongue, “Good girl. Oh, you’re an angel.”

You took him all the way into his mouth, your tongue trailing down his shaft as you went deeper. You bobbed your head up and down, your tongue creating a swirling motion. Despite your eyes watering, you kept perfect eye contact, trying to show him how much you were enjoying the privilege. 

When your mouth tired, you used your hand to continue the work though Steve didn’t seem to mind at all. When you felt he was close, you slowed your motions, “Steve, please cum inside of me?” You begged, your hand still stroking his cock.

He nodded eagerly, knowing you hadn’t taken your birth control for an entire week. You got up from the ground, lifting your dress skirt as you climbed on top of him. Your eyes were locked on each other as you slid your panties to the side, sliding down on his cock. He was already close, you knew that, and you were desperate to feel his warmth. 

“You want me to put a baby in you?” Steve grunted as you began to ride him. He grabbed a hold of the back of your neck, pulling you further into him. Your forehead pressed to his, your moans and pants began to mold together. 

“Please!” You moaned. 

“You want me to make you a Mommy, huh?”

“Please! Yes, please! I want you to make me a Mommy, Steve,” You smiled, the idea only filling your virtually empty mind with happiness. You'd try your best to be a wonderful mother and wife. “Oh, thank you-”

As you felt his warmth fill your insides, it was confirmation that you had pleased your husband properly. He slowly let you go so you could feel every inch that you just took.

“Jesus Christ,” He swore, panting as he leaned back in the chair, “This was the heaven on earth they were talking about.”

Steve could only imagine what came with lunch and dinner.

Suddenly the sun outside caught your attention, “It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?”

+

hope you enjoyed! 

[sanris3]

A fine line

Pairing: reader x san Genre: friends to lovers(?)/angst Summary: You realize you're in love with your best friend San and unsure how to approach it. Playing with the thin line between friends and lovers. author notes: This is my first piece in a while, I hope everyone enjoys it! in a silly goofy mood at 5am Word Count: 1.6k

The both of you definitely started off on the wrong note. When you and San were first introduced to each other, it was difficult to get close to him. He radiated this intimidating aura and with your shy self, there was no way you'd approach someone like him. You had mutuals through a couple friend groups, it was only natural that you'd end up friends. However, there had been a misunderstanding through a mutual friend and you never thought to clear the air.. because after all, you weren't in a position to fight for the friendship anyway. The both of you left it as it is. Fast forward to 2 years later and the two of you are closer than ever. There was a stark difference between your personalities, hobbies, hell- even the way you both processed things were different. But oddly enough, you guys make it work. You were the epitome of 'opposites attract.' You'd never expect that a toxic relationship would deem you two as inseparable. San struggled a lot and you were there for him whenever he needed a shoulder to lean on. No one understood him but you oddly did. Looking at his situation, you found yourself looking in the mirror recognizing you had been in his position just a year ago. You desired to be there for him. You were reminded of the turbulent moments and unexplainable behaviors that took place- and unknowingly, you began to prioritize him. Not in a romantic way- more so, just ensuring San is doing okay because after all, he is your best friend. All you could think about were the empty moments you experienced when you went through the same thing, you didn't want him to believe no one understood him, because you did. How delightful would it have been if you had someone like this to root for you back then? San allowed himself to become comfortable with you. Sharing each vulnerable thought was a common conversation you two had and honestly- it was fascinating to learn how aware he was about his emotions because all this time, you believed he was emotionally constipated. Even after being friends for so long, the conversations you had never reached the depth that they did now. This was a sign he genuinely acknowledged you to be his closest friend. You'll never overlook the excitement you experienced at the realization he trusts you at his most vulnerable moments. It was happiness. This is what it feels like to have a friendship reciprocated. Vulnerable. Stable. Consistent. Several months go by and that relationship ends. You adhere to his side until the end, making sure he's completely taken care of; and even though it's challenging, you walk him through the emotions, keeping him together at his roughest moments. You had become his pillar. And that's exactly what you did, until, he suddenly cut off contact with you. You understood his heartbreak. He needed time to heal, but that time apart managed to lead through the most confusing part of your friendship. You missed him terribly but what could you do? He needed his space and you respected that. You hear from him for the first time for what feels like forever and you notice something is off. There's something about his aura that shifted- and you couldn't figure it out. Both of you are nervous to talk to each other after the sudden break but as always, you get through it and pick up on the flow once again. But this time it's different. There was a new feeling of awareness in your stomach when you got a notif from him- and for so long, you assured yourself it was because you missed him. Which was true. (at least for now.) There were many instances where you wanted to reach out and invade his space but that would only harm your friendship, and that was the furthest thing you desired to do. But you couldn't help yourself, you grew anxious that he would disappear on you again and started attaching yourself to him a different way and it was a scary feeling because you knew where this would lead to. "She was my person. It was rocky but I've never loved anyone so hard," he says amidst another vulnerable conversation. You try to bring him comfort by wrapping your arms

around him, gently pulling him in for a hug as he sobs again for the night. Your hands rub against his back, gently finding a pace. You feel his grasp on you tighten, hands clinging to you like you'll slip away. But you stay there, bringing him all the comfort he needs, he was still healing. There was that feeling again. Like always, you brushed it aside and never dared to ponder upon it. For the first time, your heart sinks when he's talking about her. It's a good day for both of you. Throughout your hangout you're able to pick up conversations like before, San is starting to smile again and joke a lot more often, the bright San you knew was returning and you were genuinely happy for him. "I knew you'd turn out okay, if I did, you would. It just took some time." you blurt out in the middle of silence as the two of you are watching a movie. He stops in his tracks to turn towards you, "Thank you." His lips curve up into a warm smile with his arms reaching out, unexpectedly pulling you into his arms. "You know, I'm sorry for disappearing. You've been nothing but good to me through everything. I'm grateful to have you around, I promise I'll return everything." You go along with it, loosely wrapping your arms around his frame. "It's okay." You answer with a pause before continuing. "I missed you a lot." "I did too."

There it is again. That feeling. As time went by, it was growing difficult to ignore the little jump in your heart seeing anything of him. A text? A call? Hanging out? Your wavering heart couldn't ignore. The overwhelming feeling was too much for you to handle so that day you ignore San for your sake. You took the day off to think about your feelings for the first time. Why him? Why now? It was hard to understand the sudden change in heart. You pondered over and over again if this was true. Overthinking leads one thing to another and the next thing you know, you're on your bed crying endlessly in the sheets. Out of all people, your feelings were stirred up by Choi San. For the next few months, it was a brutal game of push and pull. Not between you and San, but you and yourself. Slowly, you were filled with frustrations no one but him had answers to, it was driving you insane; One moment you would see San as a friend, then it would be more than that. The friendly gestures you were recieving from him were transforming to a different meaning in your heart. The pet names, the random compliments, the sporadic oversharing- oh you wished that it would stop. But a part of you knew you were acting like this due to the fact you were hyper aware of your feelings.

At one point you wondered what it would be like to feel his lips against yours. It was a confusing cycle you couldn't stand to seperate from him. How bad could it be if you started and ended things on your note? But if you revealed your heart, what if it backfired? There was a chance you'd lose your best friend and it was too risky to cross that line. You were desperate enough to go on dates, and of course, San encouraged you through all of them. There was a clear answer to your questions but the little hope you had in you, kept praying. Just maybe. You wanted San to feel the same way. Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, or you were tired of stringing yourself along- so you initiated the conversation about dating again. Of course, you were extremely careful with how you apporached the situation; One mess up and it'll change the dynamic of your bond forever. You thought about what would happen far ahead. Sure he accepts your feelings and there's might be connection but what if you guys aren't compatiable as lovers? would the both of you have the courage to love like you haven't been hurt? "San- Can I ask you for advice on something? Or not really advice.. but your input." The brunette gears his attention towards you fully, emmitting the same flustering feeling in your stomach. But you don't react physically.

"Is it something serious?" "Yeah sort of-" "Is this another joke you're play-" "I'm serious!" "Okay, what's up?" "what do you think about dating a friend?-" "what?" "just answer the question." "I'm scared it'll happen again." " yeah same, I get you." The both of you return to the movie, carrying on like the conversation didn't happen. The air turned thick. At one point the comfortable silence grew suffocation. Did he catch on or are you thinking too much? For the first time you realized how dangerous that fine line between friends and lovers were. In the end, you didn't want him to take responsibility for your actions. Why should San suffer because of your feelings? that was the last thing you wanted. Sure, you won't be able to kiss him and hug him, or feel his embrace in a much more intimate way- but he was by your side and that mattered. With that, you were happy and content. Even if his heart wasn't yours. "San?" "Yeah?" "I'm really grateful you're my best friend." "I could say the same."

[yellow-boot]

I also want to give my opinion on this pierre/checo thing, but I'm going long for this, so i hope you want to read...

Look I have nothing against pierre, I like him a lot and I do think he is a great driver, but all his wording lately has been off.

When nico asked him about the seat, I actually thought that his answer wasn't that bad "it doesn't rely on me, but on the team" (something between those lines), but with comments like the one from today/yesterday, well, why is he so salty?

Let me explain myself. First of all, wasn't he the first one to not be able to really get on with all the hate/doubting he recieved? Like hun, why are you doing exactly the thing that knocked you off? Are you really that kind of person? I hope not... But let's go deeper.

"He's had his chance, but now he is better". Okay, I can agree with that, and then? He has been very comfortable in one team for some years now, he knows his car and how he needs to tame it for each weekend for it to work... just like checo did last year. New car means new adaptation, and he should know about that, rbr is not the easiest car to adapt and manage on track. "But is more stable now" do we know that for sure? alex had trouble, and still max has said this year that sometimes the car is very out of balance, so we can't assure last sentence. Checo has been doing such an amazing job with that car if we talk about the last to points I shared: a complete different car from his formal one (7 years driving it) and a car that is still difficult to drive. Such an amazing job that he has been the one to give more points from the second seat than his two predecesors.

"But he doesn't work on qualis" yes, that's his weak part, but guess what, he makes up for it on sundays. He ALWAYS manages to reduce the damage, doesn't matter if the fault is his or the teams, he always makes it work and cause less damage. Lately he has been having very bad luck, and the team hasn't helped completly, but as someone who has followed him I can assure you that he is actually getting better, he just needs to still decipher the car and improve a little, but because of his talent, he compensates on sundays. Pierre does good, but I don't know how good he would be at getting out of difficult situations like the ones checo has been in this year.

"He is going to cost max/rbr the championship"... checo is one of the freaking reasons of why both are so tied with lewis/mercedes! checo helping max (like today), checo giving more points to the team than before and compensating damages. Sorry, but when pierre was there this wasn't happening so, yes.

"He doesn't have the pace for a red bull" again, quali? maybe. Race? you're lying to yourself if you think that. He is so good in the races, even the team has said that he matches max's times and everything. So you trying to say this, just makes you look like a clown, sorry. And as far as I remember, those comments where never given with pierre.

Now, let's talk about their attitude. Pierre, sorry hun, but you've been salty for no reason lately. He just needs to do his thing and that's all, why comment on why he isn't on rbr. Look at george, he never questioned toto, and where is he going to be for the next year? Do you actually want me to believe that pierre would do stuff like what checo did today, without being salty and angry on the team, when he is giving this kind of declarations from an "external" team from rbr? Would he be all about team work? Or again the young ambition would blind his mind? Not saying that ambitioning things are bad, but sometimes you need to help and that's it, hurtful and unfair, yes pretty much, but this is life. Oh, and he would be nice enough to go out to the cameras, face the hate, and still say that he's happy for the team and that he believes on the next part of the weekend/race? Yes, I don't think so right now. But checo has been implecable in all this stuff, so he works.

And just to close this, helmut and christian, both have given more good declarations about checo than anyone... They have said negatives also, true, but also they have said very good things, even apologizing about stuff (I don't remember them doing that with another driver that it wasn't max). They know checo, and how good he has been working with the team, so pierre should stop being salty and let the job do the work and not his mouth, because right now he sounds like those kind of people who threw him to the mud.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. If you want to talk, just please be respectful. Have a nice day and have this pic of checo a gift...

[tokoyamisstuff]

Betrothed Ch. 5 - Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

Chapter 5 - Balmy

Summary: Your husband gradually learns what it means to crave you. But his trauma reaches deeper than you could imagine.

Warnings: Oral sex (male recieving), Angst.

Words: 2255

Story Masterlist

A/N: Fun fact I wrote this at 2am on the Tumblr App kill me

"I didn't know you were a dancer!”

"I'm not" your husband retorted while effortlessly swirling you around and catching you in his arms.

You didn't expect him to be this good when you persuaded him into dancing, calling it ‘exercise’ so he’d agree. Well, to be perfectly honest, you just wanted to enjoy being close to him.

Of course he had perfect control over his body. It was Illumi, after all.

"You're so amazing" you whispered into his shirt, cheek pressed against his chest as both of you slowly moved to the music.

His heartbeat was always so calm, wildly different from yours.

"And you should not idolize me."

Looking up to the tall man, you stared at him with interrogating eyes. "Why?

"I told you already. I'm a monster."

His words only made you deepen the embrace, your fingers almost tearing on his clothes as they ran down Illumi's back.

"It's true, Y/N. I need to kill in order to feel alive." As if he could read your thoughts, Illumi reassuringly pat your head. "Don't be sad."

How could you not be?

The past months of your marriage were very troublesome for your husband - and you knew very well that you were the reason for it.

You were slowly but steadily tearing down the wall he had so carefully built around his conscience, making him question his actions and the indoctrination of his family.

It would still be a long way, but you were sure that all of this was very confusing for him.

You had figured that Illumi had been a very sensitive child in the past, mentally broken to fit into the life of an assassin.

The dance came to a sudden hold when you grabbed his shirt, forcing him down to your height for a kiss.

Your husband would always give in to your touch, even though he felt like his lips would stain your bright self.

"Let...let me prove you wrong, Lumi" you breathed into his mouth as your lips parted, leading his hands to your waist. "Please."

He wanted to object or ask what you meant, but you already intertwined your hands with his, signalizing him to follow your lead.

Right now, the only thing in your mind was to help him feel human again.

Only a few minutes later, you found yourself entering the bedroom to an already naked Illumi.

It was oddly surprising that Illumi had accepted your wish so quickly, making you even more nervous.

This was no time to be unsure: You were determined to be his.

Were you really ready?

Get yourself together, damn it!

"Do you like it?" you shyly asked, presenting your bare form to your husband. "How do I look?"

Of course you could've chosen nice lingerie, but you wanted him to see you as you were.

Pure and vulnerable. He should know you inside out.

Of course Illumi had his own way of approving.

"Acceptable" he spoke after taking in your appearance as if to evaluate you. "I guess common people would be aroused by the sight."

At least the awkwardness of your husband managed to brighten up the atmosphere.

You snorted at his comment as you climbed into the bed with him. "I take that as a compliment."

"It was meant as one." His eyes were practically glued to you, running up and down your body.

Illumi was stiffly laying on his back, seemingly on high alert for whatever reason.

"Touch me all you like, Lumi." This was both your first time, so why not experiment on what felt good for both of you?

His body was a sight for the sore eyes, raven hair contrasting his delicate porcellain skin.

And little did you know he felt the same about you.

Just the way he was raised, Illumi listened to the command.

His fingertips were ghosting over your shoulders, adorably unaware about how to start.

"Go on" you praised with an affirming voice, smiling at him as brightly as possible.

With swift movements, Illumi's hand ran over your chest, along your waist to your hips, softly squeezing the flesh on your thight.

"No no, it's fine." You touched his cheek, leading his lips to yours once again.

A soft moan escaped your lips, making him blink at the foreign sound.

Illumi felt his chest tighten alone at the possibility of having hurt you.

The soft kiss soon turned more wild, almost exploring as your tongue ran over his lips before entering his mouth.

Of course he was going along with everything, but his lack of reaction made you unsure, so you pulled back.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Y/N? There's no need to rush."

You were flattered by your husband's worry and care, yet it felt like he was getting cold feet himself.

Straddling his waist, you felt a sudden confidence blooming in your chest.

Making Illumi feel good would suffice for today.

You had so much as the rest of your lives together, after all.

"Never been more sure about anything in my life" you whispered into his ear, starting placing tender kisses from his air along his neck, stopping at the shoulder.

Slowly but steadily, you began to work your way down - hands firmly caressing his sides as you simultaneously traced his chest and belly with kisses, leaving goosebumps along the way.

This was your work, you told yourself. You had that kind of effect on him.

As soon as you marked his loin with yet another, smooth kiss, your husband stopped you.

"Y/N" he breathed out and for a second he had to actually pull himself together. "There's no need for that. I can start whenever I want."

There it was again - his perfect self-control.

Of course you knew he didn't need any foreplay. His body would listen to his every command. It was trained to function, after all.

You felt something hard twitching under you, making you feel a sudden heat into your guts.

But that was not the point. And not what you wanted, either.

“Please, Lumi...”

No answer. That meant you may continue.

“Let me try something” you almost begged as you placed yourself between his parted legs, hands running up his thighs.

Illumi didn't seem to disapprove.

Lust was enhancing your senses a thousandfold, knowing one of the most deadliest assassins was laying right under you - completely at your mercy.

He wasn’t ticklish. Of course he wasn’t.

But you could feel that the way your fingers dancing over his lends still prickled on his skin. “How does it feel?”

“Not bad, i think.” His eyes were hard to read at that moment, laced with many emotions at once.

Of course he had masturbated some times before. He was still a functioning human being, sometimes unable to resist those natural needs.

But it has always been mechanical and rough, to get rid of that bothersome feeling as quick as possible.

Yet the sensations you teached Illumi right now were foreign to him. Pleasure, want, closeness...He was both intrigued and afraid of them.

And he knew he needed more.

Grabbing his shaft and rubbing the tip with your thumb, you demanded “Not enough. I want to make you feel good.”

And your husband trusted you enough to let anything you planned for him to happen.

You knew Illumi was secretly afraid of losing control.

Killing. Needlemen.

Manipulating his siblings.

All of this were desperate attempts to try and gain back at least a fraction of control he lost due to his upbringing - even if it was only an illusion he created himself.

So this moment, right here and now, was a very vunerable one.

"Beautiful" he spoke in a low voice, caughing you off guard.

If you weren't already that aroused, you'd probably get incredibly jittery - but right now, it only strenghtened your wish to exchange all of his hurt with full pleasure.

So instead of answering, you focused completely on him.

A sound of pleasure escaped your throat, wetting your lips as you lowered yourself onto him.

His cock sprung up taunt while you ran your tongue over it, and he sharply breathed in.

In your arousal, you began pumping his cock and simultaneously fondledwith his balls as you gently sucked the tip.

As you tried to swallow as much of his lenght as you could, you looked up into Illumi’s indifferent eyes. They were stuck on you, eagerly observing every single move and sound you made.

The relaxation you felt in his body was quickly replaced with a positive tension, his hands trying to assist holding you in place as you found his weak spot.

Your grip on his shaft was firm yet soft, enhancing the speed as you noticed how his hips began moving on it’s own, basically thrusting into your mouth.

Tasting drips of his precum only made you go wilder, moaning in extasy as you bobbed up and down on his pulsating cock.

Frantically moving your head, you tried to figure out what felt good for your husband, noticing every little twitch or shift.

Suddenly, you felt his cock swell one last time, growing thick in your mouth as he balled a fist in the sheets.

Strings of cum filled your cheeks as he fully pushed your head onto his cock, squinting his eyes together as he let out a deep, aggravated sigh.

Your look wouldn't falter as you observed his expression. Illumi's unaffected look quickly returned, petting your head as he watched you swallow his seed.

Illumi abruptly brought you into his arms, kissing you as if he needed to breathe you in while the afterwaves of his orgasm shook through his body.

"What a waste" he mumbled into your lightening up face as you tried ti calm down from that breathtaking moment.

"But you came!" you retorted cheerfully, snuggling onto his chest as he placed an arm around you. “Can’t be all that bad, you grinch.”

Illumi furrowed his brows as you poked his forehead, before burying his face into your neck. "Well, guess I didn't want to disrespect your efforts."

For a moment, you thought to recognize disappointment in his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. It felt...great." Illumi absentmindedly pecked a kiss on your forehead. "But I didn't do anything for you."

“Oh, dear!” you chuckled shyly, already pleasured just from seeing him cum. “You have more than enough time to repay me. The next lession will be that, then?”

“Whatever.”

“See? You’re a kind person...in some ways.” Your aura was hard to bear for Illumi at some times. It was so pure and full of honest affection - nothing he could ever understand how he deserved something like that.

“You don’t need friends.”

Illumi was still wide awake, watching over you like a guard dog. Yet while you were sleeping soundly, he couldn’t get the voice of his mother out of his head. And the statement - no, the commandment - he passed on to his younger siblings.

“They’ll all eventually betray you some day. And even if they don’t: You’ll grow tired of them, ultimatively ending up killing them.”

A blurry face flashed in front of his inner eye - yes. He had almost forgotten. He had a friend back then. One of the butlers in training, and probably the only one who wasn’t afraid to aproach him.

But in the end, young Illumi killed him. It was an accident, really. As a child, he had a great temper and couldn’t contain his powers very well.

Illumi didn’t know how to properly interact with people. So just as he saw his family treating people they cared about, he wanted to control his only friend. Manipulated and abused him. Maybe he went a bit overboard.

And when he saw the boy getting along with someone else, Illumi snapped.

“Friends are obsolete” his mother consoled him back then. “Family are the only persons that matter.”

After that, Illumi never dared to make friends again. Not because he wasn’t keen of his family’s displeasure, no.

He was afraid of hurting them because of what he was.

“Y/N will end up betraying you...How could she ever love you the way you are? You have no right to have friends.”

The words in his head got louder and louder, spiraling into a dangerous pit of despair.

“One day, Y/N will see what kind of monster you are and run from you to save herself.”

Wait.

There was another way.

His mind was racing, but he already felt a needle in between his fingers.

Like this, you would always be loyal. You could never leave or betray you.

His breathing hitched as he realized your eyes were suddenly wide open.

"What are you brooding about?"

It just made no sense.

Even half-asleep you should be able to see the needle and read the situation - yet you opened your arms wide for a hug.

"Y/N..."

"You won't do it."

Illumi couldn't keep his mouth closed at how firm your words were.

Why did you doubt a madman like him couldn't do something that fit his profile so well?

"How are you so sure?"

You cupped his face in your hands, slowly bringing it down to yours.

And then it dawned to him: He knew the answer all along.

"Because I love you, Illumi Zoldyck."

"You wha-" Bringing your lips onto his, you silenced any attempt of arguing about that fact.

Not even your husband himself could change the way you were feeling.

You knew those words held too much meaning for him to ever understand. But it didn't matter if he was able to feel the same. You'd always stay at his side. That was enough for you.

At that moment, he couldn't help but wonder what you made him become.

"My life already belongs to you, Lumi.”

_____

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[eideticmemory]

FINE LINE II | SPENCER REID

Two kids and two decades of history later, you and your ex-husband learn to navigate the world of co-parenting. PART 2! Read Part One.

Word Count: 3,643.

Warning: Daddy Issues, mommy issues, angst, drama, romance. Love to see it.

Spencer’s a deep sleeper; both E and Em get it from him. But the one thing that all three of them are trained to wake up to, is your voice.

“Hey!” You snapped at Spencer, landing a harsh blow beside his sleeping frame.

He jolted awake in familiar frenzy, reaching out to grab you, make sure you were safe.

“Hey, hey, it’s me,” you spoke. “Look, I need a favor.”

“A favor?” he muttered.

“Yes,” you nodded. “You wanna be here for a few days? I need some help. Take the kids to school today.”

“Wha—“

“Or let E drive your car, it doesn’t matter, she’s a good driver,” you shrugged. “They need to be there at 8:15 sharp or else the administration has a stick up their ass. They’ll wake themselves up, dress themselves — stylishly — and feed themselves. And, uh, if you make them late, they’ll lose their minds so try to be out of here by 8, okay? Okay. Thank you.”

“Wait, wait, wait, [y/n],” Spencer called, holding your hand in his palm. “Where are you going?” He weakly pat around the mattress, searching for his phone, and when he grabbed the device in his hand, he checked the time. “It’s six in the morning.”

“So?”

“So,” he sighed, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. You subtly averted your eyes to avoid seeing him shirtless, the duvet cover falling to his lap. “You didn’t get home until two in the morning.”

“You spying on me?” You asked.

“No, I just . . . can’t sleep knowing you’re out late at night—“

“Working,” you interjected.

“Working . . . and now you’re up four hours later?” He questioned.

“We could sit here and argue about who has a more messed up work schedule, or you can take the kids to school, just this once, and I’ll pick them up.”

“No, I’ll pick them up, don’t worry about it,” Spencer shrugged. “You go to work, I’ve got it.”

You sighed, “Are you actually staying until Sunday?”

“[y/n]—“

“No, Mr. Unit Chief, how did you get the week off from the BAU? Hm? It — it just doesn’t make sense.”

“So that’s what you wanted to ask me last night . . . why not just say it, [y/n]?”

“Don’t profile me, it’s valid question.”

“Listen,” he squeezed your hand lightly, just enough that the pressure silenced you. “I am off of work until Monday morning. You need me to drop off and pick up the kids? I can do that. Need me to feed them? I can do that, too. I can do it every day this week if you want. If you need to be at work, then go.”

You inhaled deeply, and released it in a sharp breath. “Thanks,” you shrugged. “I’ll see you this afternoon.”

The drive to your office was silent. Full of nothing but your thoughts and rambles and quiet scoffs. You missed the kids. Missed being with them in early hours like this, eating breakfast on the go, singing along to the radio. But your mind needed time to rest, to regroup away from Spencer and his sudden appearance.

When you arrived at work, you stumbled in to find an earlier bird than you. “Raven . . .” you mumbled. “I told you to go home, babe.”

“And I told you that this is getting in at 7:30 sharp . . .” she cleared her throat and glanced at you apologetically. “Boss. . .”

You sighed and shrugged, “Do you need help?”

“Nope,” she shook her head. “I’m right on schedule.”

You chuckled, full of pride, “Good.” You wandered over to your private office and secluded yourself behind the glass doors. Taking a seat at your desk, you plopped down with a tired huff. You rested your head on your folded arms, and just as you began to snore, your phone rang in your ear. You jumped up in a daze, groaning out at the device in frustration. When you picked it up, however, and saw who was calling, you gasped, whined, fell back childishly in your chair.

You sighed, answering the facetime, “Hi, Penelope.”

“Don’t ‘hi, Penelope” me,” she replied, her phone showing her dressed and sipping on a cup of tea. “I had to find out from Emily that Spencer is staying the week with you and the kids? How is this possible?”

“Pen—“

“Hold on.”

Suddenly, your screen revealed another person being added to the call. “Pen, why did you add Em— . . . Emily, hi.”

“What the hell is going on? [y/n]? Did you call me?” Emily hollered into her car speaker, focusing on the road ahead of her as she speaks.

“I did not call, Penelope called, I was ambushed,” you explained.

“No, no, you do not have Spencer spending the entire week at your house — for the first time, I might add — and not tell me,” Penelope interjected. “How are you? How are the kids? How did this happen? Are you two talking? Are you—“

“I told Penelope that Spencer requested the week off,” Emily said. “I thought you had already told her.”

“Yeah, Section Chief, how about some warning there? How did Spencer even get so much time off?” You rambled.

“Woah, woah,” Emily crowed. “Don’t shoot the messenger, he had more than enough vacation time saved up. He could’ve taken the entire month off and not lost a dime. There was nothing I could do. Plus, I thought, maybe . . .”

“Maybe. . .what?” You questioned.

“Maybe you and him had talked things out and . . .”

“Oh, my goodness,” Penelope exclaimed. “Are you guys back together?”

“No!” You shout. You sighed, “No . . . Spencer and I are not back together. He just . . . showed up. I called him to talk about E’s birthday party and he . . . well he says he’s staying until Sunday. Which is, perfect. Perfect in theory, if he actually stays. But he’s getting the kids’ hopes up and I hate that.”

“Yeah . . .” Emily snickered. “He’s getting the kids’ hopes up?”

“Emily Prentiss, do not profile me. Not you. I swear . . .”

Emily busted out laughing. “I mean, honey,” Penelope whispered. “I’m profiling you right now.”

“And with that, we must say goodbye,” you hummed happily as you pressed the button to hang up.

It was Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So, five days with the man, at most. Then he goes back to DC, and those beautiful ninety miles are between you two again. Unless you do therapy, which you won’t, because it’s an awful idea and — you don’t want to think about Spencer Reid this much. You can’t. But you check the clock and it’s 7:45 and he needs to get the kids out the door soon. Should you call? You should call. Okay, call. No, text E.

Y: hey girlie!! 🥰 had to leave early this morning, is dad taking you to school?

E: hey mom 🥺 yeah dad’s taking us!! we’re getting breakfast right now from chick-fil-a and he’s letting me drive his car!!

Y: oh wow! don’t hit any cows out there!

E: ha ha ha so funny ur hilarious

Y: love you 💕 💗 ❤️

E: love you ✨✨

Okay. They’re up. They’re happy. That’s good. They’re smiles are going to get you through the week. They always do.

When you get home that afternoon, Spencer and the kids were laughing, playing cards against each other in the kitchen.

“I hope you guys aren’t gambling in here, because that’s more of a living room activity,” you laughed to announce your presence.

“Hey, [y/n],” Spencer greeted you. “Come play!”

“I’m good,” you nodded.

“See? I told you guys she won’t play against me. She never has and never will,” he told the kids. They giggled.

“Oh, please, you say that like I’m scared to play against you,” you snickered.

“Well? Are you?” He asked, a hint of arrogance in his voice.

“Absolutely not,” you set your things down on the counter and joined them at the table. “Continue your game, though, because I would be scared to play against the kids.”

Spencer gave you this look out of the corner of his eye, his iris looking at you under his eyelashes and a light smile on his face.

Maybe these next four days won’t be so bad.

They were more than not so bad. They weren’t bad at all. They were blissful and full of smiles and laughter and fun family dinners every night, and you’d never felt so productive. You cleared two major social work cases at the job, thanks to Spencer’s help with the kids. Friday night, you came home to the backyard fully decorated for tomorrow’s party. Spencer had recieved the chair delivery and set everything up behind the house, surrounded each table with a handful of chairs and the proper decorations sat in the center. You absorbed it all in complete and utter shock. You were prepared to spend all of tonight and tomorrow morning doing this. And Spencer took care of it all.

“What do you think?” Spencer grinned, him and E standing in the center of the backyard proudly. “Took us hours but it’s all set. Now we just need the food and the people.”

E chuckled, “What do ya’ think, mom?”

“I. . .” you whispered. “I think it looks gorgeous. You guys did amazing.”

“Thank you,” she pipped, grinning happily. “I think so, too. Oh, c’mon, dad, let me show you my party dress!”

As they rushed into the house, Spencer pinched onto your shoulder lightly, smirking as he passed you by. Your stomach filled with an unshakable and startling feeling. It had you rocking on your heels trying to process it and breathe through it.

Saturday morning, you woke up at 9 o’clock as planned. E would be up in another hour, so you had plenty of time to sort out the last few details of her party. The guest list was just above 80 people, and you had to make sure you had ordered enough food to feed them all. You had to check in with the caterer, the baker, Spencer.

You knocked on the door heavily, before wandering in, expecting him to be dead asleep. When you walked in and saw the bed empty and well made, you stopped in your tracks.

“What the hell?” You muttered, stomping over to the bed, and snatching up the note on the pillow.

My dearest [y/n]

Gone out to run some birthday errands. Kiss the birthday girl for me.

Spencer

Errands? What errands? Is he serious? You sighed, and pulled your phone from your back pocket. You dialed Spencer’s number and held the phone to your ear, only to be greeted with an immediate voicemail. You furrowed your eyebrows and huffed angrily.

You drafted and sent a text to him, desperately wishing you were more surprised by this:

Be back by 4 please.

No answer.

You carried on the day with one mission: keep things under control and keep E’s mind off of Spencer. You let her stay cornered in her room, bringing her breakfast and an iced coffee, and kissing her on the top of her head.

“I can’t believe 16 years ago today, I was laid up in a hospital bed, screaming my head off, cursing at the nurses, when this tiny, slimy thing just . . . popped out of me.”

“Most people just say happy birthday,” Eden cringed.

“Happy birthday, babe,” you giggled. “You have no idea what you’ve done for me just by existing.”

“That’s more like it,” she nodded happily. “Thank you. Is dad here?”

“Uh, no,” you said quickly, prepared for the question. “He went to take care of some stuff for the party, he’ll be back before the party starts, though. Will Francesca be coming over today?”

“Oh. Okay. Uh, yeah. She’s coming to do my makeup.”

“Awesome,” you smiled, standing up. “Well, birthday girl, you get glitzy and glammy, and get ready for the party of a lifetime.”

“Mom . . . is everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Stop that, don’t worry about anything today, okay? Things are fine.”

“Okay,” she nodded. She trusted you. For 16 years, since the minute she was born, she’s trusted you. “Okay.”

Eden’s godmother was the first to show up. Penelope Garcia live and in the flesh. She barged into the house the moment you opened the door to greet her, and she rushed up the stairs.

“Pen, she is getting ready—“

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I understand the importance of a teenage girls appearance, but I haven’t seen either of the kids in so long.”

“It’s been a month, Pen.”

“Way too long . . . Penelope!” She called out for Eden.

E perked her head up in her room, stopping her best friend, Francesca, from doing her eye makeup. “Auntie P?” She murmured and turned to the door.

Penelope opened the bedroom door joyfully, smiling ear to ear when she saw E. “Little Penelope!” She shouted, excitedly clapping her hands.

E hopped up from her seat and ran over to Penelope, practically jumping into her arms.

“Oh, happy birthday, babygirl!” Penelope cooed. “I can’t believe how big you are!”

“Thank you,” E smiled, her face tucked into Penelope’s shoulder.

You watched them, close to tears yourself to see them together. There were 5 people in the room when Eden Penelope Reid was born 16 years old ago. The doctor, 2 nurses, you — of course — and Penelope Garcia. It was the scariest thing you’d ever been through. And at your side, for 10 hours of labor, was Penelope. She held your hand, spoke softly to distract you from the pain, and encouraged you as you went through delivery. When Eden came into the world, it was no question what her middle name would be.

Penelope helped E prepare as you kept the business rolling in. Food, lights, cutlery, plates. You were rushing and running for hours. You barely just had time to shower and get yourself ready, let alone make sure Em put on the outfit you picked out for him. Luckily, Penelope got him dressed and sat with a good book so you could get yourself together.

The clock struck 4 in the afternoon, signaled by an alarm on your phone, and you had just stepped out of the bathroom. You slipped on a floral dress, befitting of a mother on a special day. Hair in place, dress without wrinkles, shoes to match, guests rolling in, and . . . oh yeah, still no Spencer. Countless calls and texts to him went unanswered, and you were running out of excuses to tell the kids.

When your last and final call to him went straight to voicemail, you left a message.

“Spencer, I don’t know where you are, and I want you to know that, right now, I don’t care. It’s a quarter after 4, and people are showing up, and the show must go on, so . . . show up, don’t show up. Keep us on our toes, it doesn’t matter. I hope you’re okay. Bye.”

Dropping you phone on your bed, you gave it one more glance as you left the room.

Music rang throughout the backyard, packed with people by the time it was 5:30. Eden brought the whole BAU together — visited by Penelope, Emily, Matt, Tara, Derek, Hotch, and Luke who brought his and Penny’s baby boy along.

E was in heaven, reunited with some of her closest cousins. It was turning into a good day, without Spencer. But there was a hole caused by his absence that no one could fill. And you know this because you’ve been trying to fill it all of Eden’s life.

While your little girl is quite the social butterfly, sometimes that social battery of hers can wear low. Particularly when she’s overwhelmed by attention, or stress, or her own genius thoughts.

Luckily, she gets that from you, and you two have a tendency to find similar places to hide. She found you sitting on the back patio, hidden in the corner. “Hey, pretty girl!” you smiled. “Having fun?”

“Yeah,” she giggled. “You?”

“Eh, it’s an alright party,” you joked.

“So . . . do you know where dad is?”

You released a long exhale and hesitated for a good, long few seconds. “No.”

She nodded, “Cool. That’s cool.”

“E—“

“Penelope, come here!” Penelope suddenly screamed from the front door.

“Coming!” E called back. “I have to attend to my guests, excuse me.” She giggled, and you smiled at her as she walked away.

You relaxed back against the wall of the house, watching your friends and family rejoice in the backyard. Over the music, you heard the curling sound of a scream. Eden’s scream. And you ran like you’ve never ran in your life.

“Oh, my God,” she cried. “Oh, my God!”

You were confused and a bit scared and very eager to see what had her so overwhelmed. And when you rounded the corner, coming face to face with the front door, you gasped, stopping on your tippy toes like you were knocked in the face by an invisible force.

“Ah! Piccolo genio! Happy birthday!” Rossi said to your daughter as he held her in a tight hug. He pulled away to hold her face in his hands lovingly. “It is incredible to see the person you have become. Goodness! You know who you look just like?” He questioned.

Rossi spun on his heels, facing himself in your direction with open arms. “Her,” he said. “You look just like her.” He stepped towards you slowly, “My goodness, someone would think it was your sweet sixteen we’re celebrating.”

You laughed and shook your head, blinking away the tears of joy in your eyes. “Flattery is not gonna make me forget that a certain someone doesn’t know how to visit more often.”

“Italy to Virginia is a long flight, my dear,” he pulled you into a tight hug. A secure hug. Full of safety and love and memories. “But I will have to make it more.”

You burrowed yourself into his chest, smiling to yourself at the sound of his voice.

“[y/n],” he whispered. “How are you?”

You did nothing but let out a long, long, long sigh.

“We’ll talk,” he nodded.

“Now,” he pulled away from the hug to hold you against his side. “Since I am here, the party may now . . . begin.”

As everyone followed Eden and Rossi through the house, you were left in the entrance with Spencer, who was eyeing you shyly with his hands in his pockets.

“Got caught up at the airport,” he explained.

You gave him the teeniest, tiniest half smile, and let out a faint laugh, “C’mon, Spencer.”

Later that night, when it was just you, Spencer, and the rest of the BAU veterans, he offered to help you clean up. You stood in front of the sink, scrubbing at a dirty pan as music played softly in the background.

“[y/n]?” Spencer whispered to you as he placed leftovers in the fridge. “What’s on your mind?”

You shook your head, and turned briefly to give him a solemn smile, “I never had a sixteenth birthday party,” you told him, returning your attention to the dishes. “Did you?”

He chuckled to himself, “No,” he said. “I had a psychology exam the day of my sixteenth birthday. I took it and then read for the rest of the night.”

“I had a trigonometry exam on my sixteenth birthday,” you shrugged.

“Oh, yeah? How’d you do?” he chuckled.

You rolled your eyes at him, “I did alright . . . then I went back to my charity dorm on MIT’s campus, and had some microwaved pasta.”

Spencer let out a soft sigh, and stepped over to you, “Life of a child prodigy, right?”

“But not for E. Not for Em. All I ever wanted was for them to be extraordinary, and live an ordinary life. High IQ, be damned, it’s what they deserve.” You rambled. After a few minutes of silence, you glanced at Spencer, who was eyeing you sympathetically. “Don’t profile me, Spencer Reid, we’ve talked about this.”

“I’m not profiling you!” He laughed.

“You are,” you said.

“I am not. If anything, you’re profiling me right now.”

“Profiling you profiling me?”

“Exactly—what? No!” he said through constant laughter.

You smirked at him, hiding a smile behind the expression. “I don’t need to profile you, Spencer. I know you.”

“I—“

“I know you.” You enunciated. “I know you.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “You do.”

You knew you had to tear yourself away from those big brown eyes as soon as possible, or risk major emotional turmoil. So, you focused on the dishes as you spoke, “I’ve been thinking . . . maybe therapy . . . wouldn’t be so bad.”

Spencer’s eyes went wide, “Really?”

“Really, it’s about twenty years too late, but . . .” You nodded. “I guess a part of that whole ordinary lives thing for the kids is having parents that actually get along, so . . . I’ll try it.”

“Thank you, [y/n], thank you so much,” he said. “I already made us an appointment here in Charlottesville for next Friday.”

You scoffed. You should’ve been mad, annoyed. But all you could think was: yeah, I definitely married a scorpio.

“Fi—“ you mumbled, in the midst of rolling your eyes when a gust of movement caught your attention. Outside of the kitchen window, to the side of the house, was E. E and some boy. A handsome boy. You couldn’t tell if he looked familiar. Well. Yeah, he kinda did.

“[y/n]?” Spencer called to you, when he suddenly noticed Eden. “Do . . . do you know him? [y/n]?”

You watched as the kid handed E a birthday gift and placed a kiss to her cheek. She blushed softly and looked down. No. No, you didn’t know him. She hadn’t told you about him.

Another part of the whole ordinary life thing. A part that you had completely forgotten about.

Boys.

TAGLIST:

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[purplespacewitch]

A/N - Decided to make something due to boredom and generally because this baby doesn't have enough fics. Get some popcorn and enjoy my absolutely lazy writing.

Word count: 1915

Uldren Sov x Hunter! Reader

You thought defeating the voice of Riven would be the end of this. It should have been. It was almost done - You were to get ahold of him. The guy who killed your Vanguard. But Spider betrayed you, he betrayed all of you. Fallen were there. You couldn't see Petra anywhere. She was probably busy with trying to fight all the damn Fallen that Spider had sent. He had your coordinates, he knew where you were.

"Sharp," you spoke up, almost demanding, "where is Petra, contact her now!" You almost screamed at your ghost. Ghost was immediately on it. You named him Sharp because of his straight and honest answers on everything, plus the fact that he could scan things from far away. Sharp eyesight.

"She isn't answering," he responded, "it should be the fallen, Guardian."

Great. You could only kill the Fallen and find Uldren now, then Petra later. As much as you wanted to put her in first place, you couldn't.

"Scan the place, find Uldren," you demanded yet again, trying to fight off the Fallen.

You threw a Spike grenade at the right side of you, pulling your Huckleberry out and shooting at the rest of the Fallen. They were coming from all sides, you didn't know if you'd make it without having to be revived at least once. You were alone in this. Spider really had his way of screwing things up, what was his plan with this?! Uldren was going to get away and take over.

You were knocked down as your thoughts went everywhere. You looked up to see the Captain of the Fallen - You were done for. His sword was pointed at your throat, slowly reaching your larynx. He was about to slice your neck open. You didn't know whether to feel scared or shocked, either way, you were frozen in place.

Before you could do anything, you were kicked by a Dreg, knocking you unconscious.

- 

You woke up to the sound of metal clanking. Chills were shot down your spine and you tried to do something but your hands were numb. Not only numb, but cuffed as well.

Your sight was still blurry from the kick you recieved. You shook your head and groaned slightly, earning a chuckle from someone.

"I'm glad you're awake," the person squat down before you, grabbing a hold of your jaw then forcing you to look up at his eyes. It was Uldren. You couldn't help but groan more internally, feeling slightly scared as to what's happening.

"You have a lot to explain, darling," his voice sounded almost charming but rough at the same time.

"Like I'll tell you anything," you blurted out, not caring about him or his questions. He was not getting a single answer from you, not after everything he has done, the Hell he has put you and other Guardians through. You lost one of the people you loved the most, because of him.

He now let go of your chin and grabbed you by your hair, pulling hard.

"You will tell me everything, after all, I saved you," he announced. It made you shiver, the way he was speaking. "And other than that, I'll need you to find Petra, tell me or not, I'm getting to her either way. Cause I either get to know where she is or she comes looking for you."

You kicked with your legs which only made him stab your thigh with his knife. You screamed and refused to cry in front of him. You didn't know where Sharp was, it was like he disappeared, or worse, he was gone.

"I'll kill you!" You screamed, voice full of anger and hate, he was still not going to make you speak. You swore to yourself you'd end him, even at the beginning.

He only chuckled more at you, he was enjoying the suffering he was putting you through.

"As soon as I find my sister, Mara, this will all be over," this caught your interest. Did he think Mara was back? The Queen? He couldn't be serious, the only thing that was there was Riven, the one who put him in it's mouth. The one and only.

"She's not back and she never will be, you ignorant fool," hissing at him, his stare hardened at you. It honestly made you shiver even more. He felt it, he knew you were scared.

"Alright," his tongue clicked, "you answer me, more so obey me, and I give you your ghost back," you instantly perked up, still weak and still in pain. Your ghost was alive. That's a relief. But you would need help your enemy in order to get him back.

Sighing, you think about this carefully. Maybe you could find a way to stop him, maybe he'd drop his guard down eventually, and then you could do whatever is that you're capable of.

As you nodded, Uldren made your ghost appear, it was weird, to say the least.

"Guardian!" Your ghost exclaimed, clearly happy to see you alive, but not in the best state. He immediately did everything he could to heal you, but he was unable to set you free of those cuffs.

He gave you his iconic smirk, which made you roll your eyes. His face was now up close to yours, you didn't know what to do, other than stare at his features. He had a rather nice face structure, his eyes were an alluring color. But he only rolled your head back with his hand which was still holding onto your hair.

"I will let you go, but do know, I won't let my guard down," he whispered into your ear, his voice slightly husky, "if you are to do anything, I will do more than just stick my knife inside you."

Alright. You could feel the cuffs being taken off your hands. You felt his own hands - They were rather soft. You would have expected someone who went trough so much to have very rough hands, but it's as if he used lotion for hands. You chuckled and he started glaring at you.

His hand was on your throat now, making you snap out of your own thoughts.

"You better get ready to answer now, guardian."

-

Uldren had removed your weapons from you, you didn't even have your knife with you! He didn't even want to give you any weapons, which was reasonable, but it was almost as if he forgot that you still have your class powers. That could be extremely good for when he's focused on something else, but right now, he was really focused on you.

Feeling uncomfortable, you try to give him a glare, but he looked very amused by your stubbornness. You were staring at his eyes again, getting lost. Quickly you snapped out of it.

"What do you need to know?" You asked, mocking him. He had his way of making you soft rather easily, but you didn't wanna look vulnerable in front of him, it was only going to end up bad.

"Where is Petra?" His voice was now serious, as if he immediately switched to some kind of business mode. You disliked it.

"I don't know, we lost her after-" you paused and thought of how you should word your sentence, "after the Fallen had attacked." You didn't want Crow to know everything about this situation, if you mentioned Spider his mood could have changed, and you just wanted him calm for now - Gain his trust. Even if it is by lying.

He took a step closer to you then started circling you. He didn't believe you. You could sense it. You were visibly tense and you cussed yourself over it. Lying wasn't one of your biggest skills.

Before you knew it, he had you on the ground. Your arms pinned down.

"Guardian, you think I'm dumb? Innocent maybe?" He was mocking you back, one of his hands was pinning both of yours down, he was stronger than you. His other hand was on your cheek. You were starting to feel uncomfortable with the position you were in.

He was on his knees, legs spread, your body in between them. You were very vulnerable. His hand was caressing your cheek almost gently. You couldn't get yourself to answer him. His eyes hypnotized you yet again - You were in his control.

You snapped out of your thoughts due to a burning sensation on your cheek. He had slapped you after you hadn't replied.

"Stop!" You yelled out, confusing both yourself and him. He was messing with your mind. He got inside it so easily and he made you zone out. Why?!

His face was closer to yours and you almost wanted to claim his lips.

"Stop what?" He asked, clearly as amused as he was before. He went down to your neck and gently blew at it. Goosebumps started rising all over your body. God damn did he have his ways.

"Stop t..." you were not about to say that, were you? He was getting to you and you hated the fact that he was. But at the same time, you liked it.

His lips pressed against your neck and you gasped. He slowly trailed his way to your lips then pulled away.

"You better answer me, Guardian, we both know the agreement," you noticed his voice was softer than before, and you could slowly feel your cheeks turning 50 shades of red. Both the actions and words confused you to your core.

"Stop teasing..." your words slowly trailed off. You could see him smirk, but you couldn't make out his entire expression due to his hair covering his face. Then your mind exploded with thoughts, why did you say teasing? What was happening? Where is Petra?

Your thoughts were silenced with his lips being pressed against yours. You tried to say something but he only pressed harder. You eventually just stopped trying to fight it.

He noticed your ease and that your will to fight has been suppressed, so he let go of your hands and wrapped his arm around your waist, slowly picking both of you up. He pressed you up against a wall.

Cold. You were still in the Dreaming City. So you were making out with the Prince in the best place possible. Great.

He bit your lip hard and tasted your blood. You flinched and moaned softly into his lips. You hoped Sharp was going to help you but he was nowhere near you. Your world was spinning. What would you tell the Vanguard?

Now that your hands were free, you'd be able to kill him. You wanted to. But you just couldn't. He was like a snake, hypnotizing you and almost devouring you.

Your hands slowly trailed off to his chest and you started pushing him away from you, which caused him to pause for a moment and glare into your eyes, but still letting you say what the problem was.

"Why are you doing this?" Your voice was tinted with anger and confusion. There was so many things you could've asked him right now but this was your first question. The only answer you received from him was his small smirk yet again, but also him letting you go - Which caused you to fall down right on your bottom.

"Right," he chuckled, "we find Petra, I do my stuff and you're free."

Your stomach dropped to this. It was a problem. You forgot about that.

-

Should I write another one? Is it even good? I haven't written for 8 months now so I really don't know. Please let me know.

[kaori-flowers]

Hello! I know I said I was gonna take a break from writing Techno and Tommy. This has them in it a little. I got this idea and had to write it down before I forgot it. Hopefully you enjoy :)

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After stuffing his bed to make it look like he was sleeping, he slid out the back window. He landed on the path quietly, and then pulled out an invis potion. He chugged it and kept his watch timmer on so he knew when to take another one. He slid down off the path into the cold water as quietly as he could. He pulled out hit trident and took a deep breath before diving under. With the Trident's help he zoomed through the water effortlessly. After a few minutes he stopped to come up for air, and look around slowly. He was in the middle of the ocean and let himself float as he pulled out his compass. The compass spun around for a few seconds before pointing north and stopping. He put the compass back and dove back under. It only took him 5 minutes to actually reach the island where Techno's house was. He pulled himself out of the water and put his trident away carefully. He stood on the frozen bank for a few minutes, letting himself drip.

"Okay im just gonna check on them, and I will go back. I swear."

Phil was reassuring himself and urging himself not to stay, because then there would be another war. Literally. Even though Phil knew Techno would win he still didn't want to be the cause of the next war. Phil trudged through the snow as quick as he could, making his legs extremely cold. The pressure hurt a little, but he seen the bright lights of the house in the distance. He sighed in relief as he moved closer at a slow pace. The first thing he noticed was Carl tied up in the barn with a bunch of lanters on. Carl nickered and paced around, seeing Phil. Phil quickly tried to shush him as he entered the barn with Carl. The warmth of the barn wrapped around him quickly and Phil gently held his hand out. Carl sniffed him before shaking his head up and down, making his harness gingle.

"Shhhhh, it's okay. Just be quiet."

Phil softly rubbed Carl's head, kissing his nose a few times. He gave him an apple and stood directly under a lamp, in hopes to warm up quicker. Carl watched him as he chomped on the apple he recieved. After the apple was gone he nodded his head again, nickering at Phil. Phil shushed him as he rubbed his hands together. He didn't want to waste too much time so he gave up and walked back over to Carl. Phil kissed his head and nose before rubbing it gently again. Then he left the barn and headed up the porch to the front door. Phil listened but didn't hear anyone talking. He slowly opened the door more, and entered quietly. He shut the door behind him and quickly noticed reflective armour standing without insides. Which meant the person in front of him was invis.

"I-"

"Dad?!"

It was Tommy's voice, and Tommy wasted no time in hugging Phil tightly. Phil tensed up at the sound of Tommy calling him dad, since he has never heard it before. Phil hesitated a second but hugged Tommy back tightly, relived he was still alive. He was very relived that he was okay for the most part. It's not like he could actually see if he was or not. Tommy was invisible for christ sakes!

"Tommy who are y-"

"Phil?! What are you doing here?!"

Tommy let go of Phil as Phil did to Tommy. Technoblade and Ranboo came up from the basement to find an invisible Tommy hugging a very visible Phil. Phil tensed up at the sight of Ranboo and looked at Techno for a second. Then he looked back at Ranboo.

"Im sorry! I just wanted to make sure my kids were okay!"

Phil blurted out quickly, unsure of what else to actually tell him. I mean why else would Phil be there? He only really cared about if his son's were alive and well. Before anyone else can say anything Technoblade yanks Phil into his arms. He hugs Phil tightly and Phil hugs him back almost instantly. Technoblade was relieved his father made it to him safely. He also checked Phil over, making sure he was okay as well.

"Wait did you call him dad?"

Everyone turned to look at Tommy as soon as Technoblade asked the question. As Tommy's invis faded out he just looked a little confused. He looked at Phil and then Techno, realizing what he had done. But since Tommy had been staying with Techno he had been growing into himself. Tommy has embracing who he actually is and was accepting his actual family.

"Y-yeah. He is dad."

"Well yeah but-"

"Phil how do you plan to get back in your house without being noticed? How did you even get out?!"

Technoblade looked at Phil and then turned his attention to Ranboo. Tommy looked at Phil, and hugged him once more. After being all alone in exile he was happy to start seeing actual people. Especially the ones that are his actual family.

"What do you mean?"

"He-"

"You will take him back."

"What?!"

Phil and Tommy looked at Ranboo and Techno quickly. Despite the fact that Ranboo was the same height, if not taller than Techno, he was still intimidated by him. Technoblade pulled his sword out of it's shealth, making Ranboo gulp hard and Phil cover Tommy's eyes. Technoblade held it tightly as he grabbed Ranboo's shirt. He yanked him closer, and raised his sword.

"You will sneak him back in safely. Understand?"

"Y-yes!"

"Good."

Technoblade let go of him and put his sword back. Ranboo fixed his suit, smoothing out where Techno grabbed him. Phil removed his hands from Tommy's eyes, and Tommy was relieved to see Ranboo was still alive.

"You could have just asked. Ranboo is my friend! He wouldn't hurt our dad. Right Ranboo?"

"Of course not Tommy. I would never hurt your dad."

Ranboo replied in a soft tone, feeling a small pain of sorrow for him. Ranboo knew what Tommy has been through these last few weeks. He figured he did in fact owe Tommy for all the pain and suffering he's been through. Especially when he managed to get away scott free, and Tommy got the worst of it.

"Okay well, I came to make sure you two were alright. I should head back. It's bad if I stay out for too long. They'll notice."

"Ranb-"

"I'll make sure he gets in safely. I promise."

Phil said his goodbyes to both his son's, hugging them tightly since he didnt know when he'd see them again. Then he followed Ranboo out of the house, and down the porch steps.

"Wait."

Ranboo stopped and turned around to look at Phil. Phil entered the small barn to say goodbye to Carl, not knowing when he'd see him again either. Ranboo waited patiently, understanding how hard it must be for Phil. When Phil was done, he left and joined Ranboo's side. They began walking without any conversation for a while, only the sound of snow crunching underneath their feet. It made both of them feel a little awkward and uncomfortable in the silence.

"So...."

"Sorry about Techno threatening you. He's just really protective and-"

"Oh yeah no worried. I get it. You're his dad, and im sure you are very important to him. It's understandable."

"Yeah....."

They fell back into silence, other than the snow crunching of course. They were covering good ground though, and were at the bank of the water before they knew it. Ranboo set up a boat and gently put it in the water, getting in first. Phil got in behind him and Ranboo began rowing. Phil broke the silence again, because of his own curiosity.

"So.... What were you doing out here at Techno's house?"

"Oh I was uh following Ghostbur."

"Right. You're uh... you're not gonna tell anyone Tommy is alive and here.... right?"

"Um... No. I don't think I will."

"Think?"

Ranboo fell silent and stopped rowing, he just let the boat drift on the soft waves. Phil gave him time to answer, not really worried since they were just drifting. Ranboo thought it over slowly and realized whose side he should be on. With everything Ranboo was a witness to and heard, it was clear what was right and what was wrong.

"I'm not gonna tell them Phil. I promise."

"Okay."

The boat ride was silent again, and it stayed silent as they returned. Ranboo kept glancing around to make sure no one was in sight. Ranboo docked the boat, and tied it up before he got out first. Then he helped Phil out and Ranboo looked around to make sure no one was around.

"Alright let's go before someone comes."

Ranboo walked first with Phil following him closely. Phil was extremely suspicious of Ranboo, unsure if he could actually trust him. Sure he seemed trustworthy, but was he actually? Phil was unsure.

"Ranboo what the hell are you doing?!"

Phil and Ranboo turned around quickly to see Tubbo and Quackity standing there. Phil looked at Ranboo as Ranboo looked at him. Ranboo looked back at Tubbo, and moved slightly forward.

"I didn't want to go alone, and I couldn't find any of you. Im sorry."

"Wha- you could have just messaged us?!"

"You're right I'm sorry, but I was in a rush. It won't happen again I promise!"

Tubbo looked at Quackity slowly and then back at Ranboo. Ranboo's heart was pounding, unsure if this excuse was working or not. He knew this could end really bad or really well. Tubbo had no reason not to believe Ranboo right now, because so far he's done nothing but help him. So Tubbo gave him the benefit of the doubt and accepted this statement as the truth from him.

"Okay. Do not do it again."

"Yes sir."

Ranboo walked Phil up his porch and to his front door. Phil opened it, and entered, surprised that Ranboo held up his end of the deal. Not that there was any deal really, it was more of a threat. Phil was still a little grateful that Ranboo didn't throw him under the bus. Ranboo entered after Phil and sat on his chair, taking a breathe. His heart was still pounding a little, and he felt slightly on edge.

"Here."

Ranboo looked up to see Phil holding out a plate. On the plate was a sandwich and a sticky note that said thank you. Ranboo looked up at Phil to see he had a soft smile on his face. Ranboo gently took the place and nodded slightly. He still felt stressed and a little nervous now, but was a little calmed knowing he got Phil's approval. Or at least he thought and hoped he did.

[kidney9-9]

Good Morning

Anonymous asked:

Going through a rough time so steve distracting you by spoiling you with gifts and uh going to town on u to forget pls xx

Hi sweetie! Thank you for sending this in! Hope you enjoy. Masterlist linked in bio, tags in reblog :)

Steve Rogers x Reader (Angst/Fluff/Smut) Warnings: swearing and fem!oral recieving Word Count: 2.5k

--

You squeezed your eyes shut in frustration and anger as you muted the call. Everything was going to shit, it seemed. Your family got upset with you for not responding while you were away on a mission and threw out all your childhood belongings. Your friends outside the Compound spread rumors about you online about stealing from a charity and cheating on a few people after you forgot to say happy birthday to one of them. Your apartment outside the Compound caught on fire after your neighbor threw a lit cigar the ground in front of your door, on your mat. Even the weather started to turn sour, the sky started to darken and the colors around you were now fading slowly into a dull earthy tone.

You didn’t know how your life could get so bad within the very few days. And you didn’t know if it could even get better at the time. It just didn’t seem possible. You were stuck at Steve’s place now, and you had a feeling you were getting annoying just from being in his space. You didn’t want to bother anyone now, feeling as though something else would happen and you’d lose more people you care about.

Steve didn’t know about your family and friends treating you like that, but when you saw his shoulder from the shadow against the wall, you silently cursed because he could hear everything now. All the fucking anger your family was casting out to you now, telling you that you were a disgrace and a shame to the family name. They were mentioning your friends too, and they believed their rumors, that you robbed a place and intend to rob more.

It made no sense. You had a good job as chief editor at one of the most recognizable newspaper companies. Why would you do such a thing? And you knew if your bosses heard any bit of what your family and friends were saying now, you’d lose the job. You contemplated what to do as you saw Steve moved closer, his frame now peeking out from the door.

You couldn’t stand it if he believed what they were saying. It would hurt so much, and you’d have to find an apartment sooner rather than later. You murmured his name, “Steve, uh I can see you.” The phone was still muted as you could hear one of your family members shifting through any stuff you used own, while cursing out about how you didn’t deserve any of them.

Steve moved closer to you, stepping slowly as his face twisted even more with anger, hearing the words that were directed at you. “What’s happening?” He responded, not understanding the situation. You frowned even more at his words, facing the other direction now, not wanting to see if he was angry at you.

“I don’t fucking know anymore…” You finally responded, voice cracking as you let your tears fall. So many hidden tears, you didn’t want him to see but now he can. Steve froze at the sound, eyes going to the back of your head for a few seconds before he stepped closer to the table, rounding to the other way.

Your head leaned against the top of the chair, not finding the strength to gaze back to him. “Sweetheart,” He paused, his tone turning warmer as he saw the silent cries falling from your lips. You shook your head frantically back as you could practically feel the disappointment rolling through the phone.

“Hang up the phone.” Steve spoke again, scooting closer to you now as he sat on the chair next to you. Sniffles came from you as you felt his hand cup your cheek and you blinked away the fast tears, glancing to the phone on the table.

You hesitated as you grasped onto the phone, crying even more as you heard someone shout, “She’s a whore and liar! I don’t understand why you didn’t kick her out by eighteen!” Steve scoffed, wishing he could yell back, but he knew he shouldn’t. Instead he took the phone from your hand, before they could say even more, and pressed the end button.

“Y/n, look at me, please.” Steve begged you watching as you squeezed your eyes shut again. You whimpered as his other hand drifted to your waist. He stood up, bringing you along with him and you cried against his chest, slowly pushing your hands around his back and hugging him.

The hug must’ve lasted around ten minutes, and you wished you could stay there for longer. His hugs were always incredible, melting away some nervousness you’ve had, but this one was different. You wanted to thank him, but it was just too difficult to talk about what happened. The next few days, Steve stuck by your side, insisting to make every minute happier.

He started to do his work from home now, still wanting to make you feel happier. You were already working from home, reading through the articles sent to you before publication. You didn’t want to reach out to any of your friends or family, even though now they realized what they did was wrong. It made you frown when you’d see their names pop up on your phone, when they tried calling and texting you. You appreciated Steve, he was a sweet boyfriend, and being in his apartment made you both a lot closer.

For example, waking up next to him every day. It was an incredible feeling, seeing him yawn and greet you good morning with kisses and kind words. You noticed cute habits or things about him that you didn’t know from before, and it made you fall in love with him even more.

“Hey babe, look what came for you!” You heard as you washed your hands. You knitted your eyebrows together in confusion, but quickly stepped out of the bathroom, glancing through the crack of the door to see Steve holding a few boxes. You let out a giggle as you walked closer to him, to see him struggling with the boxes.

“What are these?” You asked gently, taking a hold of the box by his head, so it didn’t tip over. You set it down on the counter quickly, after you noticed how heavy it was. Steve smiled back to you, carefully placing the other boxes on the counter as well.

His smiled widened as he chuckled before answering your question, “It’s just a few things I thought you’d like…” He trailed off and your facial expression deepened in curiosity. You laughed a bit in confusion but surprise before opening one of the boxes.

You tore open the tab, eyes widening as you saw one of the items. It was exactly like your favorite childhood toy, a newer version though. You picked it up slowly, gasping as you started to remember everything. How you used to play with it almost every day, tucking it into bed, and how you’d accidently spilt tea on it. You felt your eyes water as you gazed back to Steve with a softened expression.

“Baby…” You murmured, sniffling. Steve instantly started to worry, guilt clawing at him, “Oh no, I didn’t mean to get you upset, I’m so sorry! I’ll return this stuff.” He apologized, rambling as he pushed away the other boxes, rather across the table.

You shook your head, giggling a bit. “No, this is amazing, I- how did you do this all? Thank you.” Steve felt relieved but was shocked again as you pressed your figure against his, holding him tightly in a hug.

He hugged you back quickly, running his hand up and down your back sweetly and slowly. “You told me about them before and I wanted you to have parts of your childhood with you. It’s important. I lost all of mine, and I know how hard it is. You didn’t deserve what happened, and I wanted to make things better for you.” His words dripped honey into your ears, and you squeezed him even harder after that.

He was so incredibly handsome and sweet; you couldn’t believe it. He’s always been this way and you had to tell him now, what you felt about him, “I love you. I’m not saying it because I’m surprised right now, but I’m saying it because it’s the truth. Everything about you – is lovable.” You whispered, hearing Steve’s heartbeat.

Steve beamed, pulling you back within a few seconds, “I care about you too, so much. I was worried you’d think it was too soon, if I said I love you.” His response made you giggle, shaking your head. He quickly pulled you up, picking you up and setting you onto the counter, kissing you deeply.

The kiss was passionate, and the tears of joy ran down your face, slowing down as you felt his tongue swipe at your bottom lip. You giggled again, pulling at his hair a bit before kissing him even harder.

Weeks after Steve’s surprise, the gifts started to become a daily thing. You’d wake up to see he bought you your favorite pastry, shipped from your hometown’s bakery. Or sometimes, he’d tell you to close your eyes, and he’d drip a diamond necklace around you. Some gifts made you feel so special, how he’d give you handwritten letters on days he was too busy to go home, or even sketches of you laying on the sunbed of his balcony.

Today, you woke up, hearing Steve get out of the shower. You yawned and stretched in the bed, before sitting up and grinning back to him as he dropped the towel, heading towards the closet. “Babe?” You mumbled, sleep still in your voice.

“Your ass is hot.” You commented, head tilting as he glanced back to you. Steve laughed, shaking his head before responding, “I know, but your ass is hotter.”

You giggled, denying it playfully, watching as he sat on the edge of the bed, still undressed. You were only in his shirt from last night, still dirty with a mixture of his and your cum on your thighs and stomach. It felt sticky but you enjoyed it. You shifted closer to him, letting the shirt peak up slowly as you straightened your back as you sat up completely.

“You’re so beautiful.” Steve murmured, as he closed the gap between the two of you, kissing your lips softly. It was a sweet and gently one, but he quickly set his attention down to your neck, causing your back to curl closer to him. He could feel your nipples harden against his chest, and he pushed you down all the way onto the bed again.

You sighed in delight as he shifted his body against yours, kissing down your neck, and closer to your chest. He spread the button down apart, kissing and taking his time as you felt yourself shiver, becoming hornier. “Steve…” You moaned his name gently, as his lips opened and pressed attention into one of your breasts, his tongue circling over again.

“You’re my darling, I love you so much,” Steve paused, breaking away from your chest as his hand smoothed over your other breast, pinching gently. He dipped back down after he gazed back up to you lovingly, kissing down lower onto your torso.

The sounds coming from you spurred Steve even more, wanting to give you some love this morning, more than ever. Before he could though he glanced up, “May I?” His question was answered with a yes, as you nodded, shifting your hips, trying to get any relief from the growing arousal building up.

Steve smiled before moving all the way down, in between your legs. His head rested against your inner thigh, as he slowly twirled circles on the other. He groaned in desire, feeling the stickiness of your cum and the feeling of you quivering under him. He lifted his head slowly, kissing your skin gently before moving closer to your center.

You whimpered, wanting him to continue, and he did. His kisses slowly made their way closer to your clit, but he paused once he got there, and instead his tongue came out, licking slow and strong against you. A gasp flew out of your mouth and you groaned out his name as he did it again before pressing an open kiss against your pussy, and his fingers drifted closer.

He collected your wetness with his finger, as he twirled up slowly to flick and tease your clit before he dipped his finger in, causing your head to roll against the pillow, back arching as you wanted even more, “Please! Please, Steve, fuck I’m begging you.” You cried out as he pushed two fingers in now, pumping in and out in a rhythm matching his patterns on your clit with his tongue and mouth.

“Mm, my baby is getting everything she asks for.” He answered, chuckling against your clit to press vibrations into you. Another gasp, and he moved his head back, to get his other hand closer. His fingers ran up and down your inner lips, teasingly before he set them on top of your clit.

Without warning, he started to ring into your clit repeatedly, strength and speed slowly going up and causing more moans to pour out of you.  Your eyes were clenched shut as your orgasm neared and you gasped out, “Steve- I’m going to come.” You stuttered, some mumbles coming out of you as well, a bit incoherent as you started to shake.

Steve smiled, going faster, “Such a good girl, come for me.” You gaped even more, heading tilting back against the pillows and your hips raised even more trying to get more pressure from his fingers, and now his mouth too as he started to kiss and lick around your pussy.

He pumped his fingers in and out of you even faster now, curling in and hitting against your g-spot and you cried out his name.

“Fuck! Steve! I’m coming! I’m coming.” You shouted out, shaking and shivering even more as your cum pushed out of you, onto his tongue, and he continued to lick it up, after he pulled his fingers out of you. He continued to slowly roll his fingers over your clit, causing your orgasm to last longer.

“Taste so good,” Steve hummed slowly, pulling away from you before laying down by your side. Your heavy breathing started to slow into a calm one, and you gazed to him lovingly.

“That was… thank you.” You breathed out, giggling in a joyous daze. You reached out and cupped his sweaty face, cuddling closer to him. Your legs tangled with his and you tucked your head closer to his as well.

He could feel your breath against his neck, and he shivered before mumbling, “Good morning, I love you.” The words made you giggle, and you thought back to all that time ago, when you thought everything was over and shitty. Now it was incredible… you felt a happiness you didn’t know was possible with him.

“I love you too.” You whispered back, before he kissed you gently. The two of you laid in bed for the next over, slowly making out passionately before you had to get up for proper breakfast.

[lombredanslaeu]

where the heaven are we? | j. jaehyun

plot: a trip back to jung jaehyun’s childhood home triggered his memory of you. a bottle of pills a friend gave years ago aided jaehyun in finding out what happened after he left - and if your fate was all his fault. 

word count: 8k

genre: romance (fluff, angst), time travel-ish! au

warnings: drug use/abuse, addiction, implied smut (not too detailed), messy af writing lol

not proofread so i apologize for any mistakes

The house was cold and quiet. Surfaces were covered with a thin layer of dust as old memorabilias of Jaehyun’s parents remained as still as yesterday. After his father’s death, Jaehyun delayed selling the house as much as he could. But opportunities for money came and he found himself filling boxes. The movers were supposed to take all the boxes tomorrow. Jaehyun only has one room left to empty: his childhood bedroom.

Pictures of him and his college friends were plastered against the walls. The bed and pillows were rid of sheets as no one was using them anyway. Jaehyun decluttered before leaving home so there was not a lot of stuff to pack. A small shoe box sat inside the empty closet. The contents of the box triggered a wave of nostalgia all over him.

The box contained letters, photos, and small trinkets. It was as if someone put his college life into a small box. An orange, translucent cylinder caught Jaehyun’s eye. Beside the cylinder was a polaroid of you - smiling, full of life.

Jaehyun stared at his reflection. The image of the man he used to be was no longer found in the reflection staring back at him. Strands of grey found themselves in his hair. His youthful skin was starting to form wrinkles. There was a slight ache on the joints of his fingers. The sensation made him realized how old he actually is. He lived a long life. He went through the highs and the lows.

“Yes, son, I already recieved the email.” He spoke through the speaker of the phone.

“How was it, dad?” The young man asked.

“Good job, Jeno.” Jaehyun complimented. “I expect more of this work soon?”

“You got it.” Jeno replied.

“I’ll call you again tomorrow.”

“Okay. See you, dad.”

For a moment, he believed that he had done everything he needed to do in life. He had a loving wife and a smart son. The image of a perfect family hung above the staircase. That’s how life was for him; he was successful and adored. They say what matters most is what lies ahead. But Jaehyun couldn’t shrug off a memory of a girl from decades ago.

No portrait was big enough to overpower the small image of your smile. It reminded him of something that’s been unfixed for such a long time, he doesn’t know if there’s still a chance to resolve it.

Jaehyun felt weirdly tired. Perhaps it was the age talking but it was still weird since it was a Sunday and he did not have work. It was unusual for him to feel weary on a weekend. He yawned as he rest his body on the bed. His head spinned as if he was drunk. Before he could think of a thought, his eyes fluttered.

--

The scene was a regular day at university. Jaehyun crossed his eyebrows as he stared at his reflection in the campus restroom. His complexion was youthful - rose-colored flush spread across his cheeks. His hair was a soft shade of pink. The distant voice of Johnny Suh was heard behind a cubicle.

Where the fuck am I?

“Dude, I’m so fucking tired of taking care of your drunk asses at every party.” Johnny continued to complained. Jaehyun’s eyes widened at Johnny.

Johnny did not look like the Johnny he saw two days ago at the restuarant. The Johnny in front of him has black hair while the Johnny from two days ago had red.

“Do you even want to go to Taeyong’s party tonight?” Johnny asked. It took Jaehyun a few seconds to realize that he was being questioned. He muttered a small yes. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep well last night.” Jaehyun made up the excuse. He has no idea why the hell is he reliving his college self. The thought both scared and intrigued him.

Jaehyun’s mind was still drifting as they walked across the building. His nerves tingled in his fingertips. It’s been years since he last walked the campus and yet it seemed like he was also here yesterday. His eyes lit up at the sight of his college friends, clumped up at a small bench near the field.

“I’m only going if Doyoung is going.” Johnny announced.

“I already told you, everyone is going.” Taeyong answered back.

“I better not be in charge of the fucking booze again.” Taeil complained.

“Haechan will forget half of the things I’ll tell him to buy.” Taeyong rebutted.

Jaehyun stayed quiet. It hasn’t sunk into him yet that he was indeed reliving the past. But why? Was it because of the box he discovered days ago?

This is so fucking weird.

It hasn’t occured to him yet why this is happening. He leaned back at the bench and stared at the clear sky. The chaotic chattering of his friends occupied his ears. He definitely felt young. The aging burden he’s been carrying lately was liften off his shoulders.

Jaehyun’s head started to be spin. He sat straight to stabilize the world around him. Running his hands across his hair, he attempted to speak to his chatting friends. None of them seemed to notice Jaehyun’s distress. It weirded him out that Sicheng was looking at him and talking as if Jaehyun was alright. Black dots appeared in his vision. He blinked rapidly as he glanced one more time among his friends who acted as if nothing was happening. He couldn’t explain the phenomenon. It was like he’s about to faint. Only a sound of static was heard as he closed his eyes - in an attempt to stop the world from turning.

After a few seconds, Jaehyun’s heard started to feel normal. Although, a different type of sound could be heard by his ears. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at his feet. He was standing now. The color of the room was a mix of purple and red. Loud music bounced through the four walls of the room, accompanied by the shouting of people. He was at a party.

Jaehyun looked all around him. He recognized the place immediately. This was Taeyong’s house. Jaehyun felt drunk. It wasn’t the nauseating type of drunk. He felt good; he felt as if he was invincible. He only felt this way while he’s drinking with his friends. He only felt this way when he was with someone he couldn’t put a name into. Jaehyun approached Yuta who was on the couch, rolling a blunt.

“It’s weird to see Jung Jaehyun without a girl under his arm on a party.” Yuta commented. The thick smoke of the blunt covered his smirking face.

“I’m just as confused as you.” He replied.

“Have you seen the freshmen?” Yuta asked. “Boy, Johnny did not lie when he said they were hot.”

“I haven’t yet.” Jaehyun took a sip of his beer. “It’s hard to determine who’s a freshie and who’s not.”

“Taeyong made the freshmen wear a yellow bracelet.”

“Why?”

“So we know who to fuck with and who to not.”

Soon enough, Yuta became occupied with a girl who sat beside him. Before standing up to go somewhere, Yuta handed a small cylindrical container to Jaehyun. “Ten said to give this to you. He said to only take it when necessary.”

The orange, cylinder. The one he saw inside the shoe box in his bedroom. He straightened his back with his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He still wasn’t sure why the hell he’s in this timeline of his life. He was hoping he could know the answers tonight.

“Oops.” A small body collided with his strong one. The impact shook Jaehyun out of his reverie. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jaehyun replied. “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”

The girl look at his eyes. Jaehyun felt a heat rush to his ears and cheeks. He was thankful that the lights were dim or else the girl would have noticed his red ears.

“I don’t think so.” The girl replied. “I’m a trasnferee.”

“Really? From where?”

“I took my first year in Yonsei.”

“That’s quiet far from here.” Jaehyun added. “Oh, by the way, I’m Jaehyun.”

“I’m Y/N.” The girl replied, shaking his hand.

A minute ago, Jaehyun had no idea why all of a sudden, he was reliving his college life. Now, he knows why.

A ringing in his head made Jaehyun press his palms against his temples. He shook his head. It was happening again. A nauseating feeling erupted in Jaehyun’s stomach. With a fleeting second, the earth beneath him felt normal. He was almost scared to open his eyes. He was scared of what lies before him. With a gulp, he opened them.

“Come on, Y/N, back me up!” Johnny yelled at the graphic video game in front of him.

“Ugh! There’s so many orcs on my way!” You screamed back.

“Johnny, you’re supposed to heal us too.” Jaehyun complained. Why the hell did he know what to say and what to do in a video game he hasn’t played in decades? “Not just you!”

“Attack, attack, attack!” Johnny commanded.

A series of keyboard clicking erupted through the living room of Johnny’s house.

“Yes!” You all exclaimed as “victory” presented on the screen of your laptops.

“Damn, I’m beat.” You announced, leaning back on the couch.

“I wish we could stay this way forever.” Jaehyun spoke. “Just carefree nerds battling orcs.”

“Who said we’re nerds?” Johnny faked an offending face.

“Yeah, we’re just some college kids who decided to reward their hardwork with these childish games.” You replied.

“I’m proud of you and Johnny for winning the national debate.” Jaehyun said with a huge grin on his face.

“I’m glad I met you guys.” You said wholeheartedly. The men beside you sent gagging sounds over your cheesy sentiment. You playfully punched their arms as you prepared yourselves for another night of video games.

--

Jaehyun wasn’t supposed to take it but he needed to see you again. It has been a week since he rediscovered the pills Ten gave him. He didn’t know if this could affect his health. He didn’t even know if Ten is still alive. He didn’t know if the pills were legit, if they were expired, or if it was some bad drugs that Ten disguised as magic pills. All he knew was there has always been a hole in his soul. All because of you. For the past years of his life, he wondered what would have happened if things didn’t turn out the way they did.

Memories of you suddenly flooded his mind. The image of your soft hair hitting his face as you frolic through the field together. The warmth of your arms as you hug him out of the blue. Most importantly, he remembered your loyalty. It all came back to him now.

He really shouldn’t have done it but he could only do so much now that one of Ten’s pills was already sitting in his stomach.

His head felt light. The world around him seemed to double as he tried to shake out of it. His fingers felt rigid but his legs were wobbly. Swaying left and right, Jaehyun could hardly make it back to his room. He expected to collapse on to the cold tiles of his bathroom floor but a soft mattress welcomed him instead.

Pill #1

This time, the scenario was happening inside one of the campus libraries.

Wow. So Ten’s pills really do work.

Jaehyun felt selfish. He felt bad that he was running away from his current life to see you again. What else was he supposed to do? He was given the opportunity to fix an unsolved bridge in his past. He’s not letting this time slide.

“I hate this subject so much.” You complained. The table that you and Jaehyun shared was trashed with different variations of papers and pens.

“Come on, what is it about?” Jaehyun asked.

“Something about quarks and photons.” You groaned and rest your head on your palms.

“It’s not that bad. Look,” Jaehyun said. He took a scratch paper and a pen. “It says here that photons aren’t considered as a matter because they don’t have mass. Quarks, however, have mass.”

“Therefore, photons aren’t made up of quarks.” You concluded.

“See? It’s not that bad.” Jaehyun teased.

You glared at his smug face. He chuckled and looked at his phone. There was a message from Jungwoo.

Jungwoo Kim [4:45 pm]: wow lover boy’s on the move

Jaehyun [4:46 pm]: Wtf?

Jungwoo Kim [4:48 pm]: I know about your little crush on Y/N

Jungwoo Kim [4:48 pm]: DO NOT WORRY. ur secret is safe with me ;)

He shook his head at his friend. Jaehyun leaned back at his chair. His eyes remained on your slouching figure. Your brows furrowed as you tried to slow an equation. Your hair swayed in the wind caused by the large fan on the ceiling. Jaehyun hated what happened between the two of you. He was worried, however, about how far each pill could take him. He only had 4 remaining pills left. It boggled his mind how the pills could determine how far in the past it could take Jaehyun.

“You hungry?” Jaehyun asked all of the sudden.

You were taken aback. But it would be a lie to say that you didn’t find Jaehyun attractive. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure that how beautiful he is.

“Yeah.” You replied. “Getting quiet tired of all these studying.”

You fixed all your scattered belongings on the table. The sun was still out despite the time being late into the afternoon.

“It’s a Friday.” You announced. “Don’t you have any plans you should be preparing for right now?”

“The guys are taking it easy this weekend.” Jaehyun answered. “There’s a lot of exams coming up.”

“Wow, for such party people, you sure are responsible.”

“Hey, it’s not easy being a business management major.” Jaehyun’s response made you laugh. “What made you take up physics?”

“I like the universe.” You replied. “More than that, I like how there’s still so much left to be answered. What causes things to function they way they do? What happens inside a black hole? Can you get out? When will the universe reach its unevitable end and what happens after that?”

Jaehyun watched you as you rant on and on about why you chose to study that. He saw the gleam in your eyes as the skies washed your face with its golden light.

“I hope I can live long enough to know the answers.”

The last few words of your sentence bounced back and forth. The golden skies whirled and Jaehyun waited for it to happen again. As if bracing for impact, he held his head between his hands and closed his eyes.

“A little birdie told me that you have a little crush on someone.” You were wearing a yellow sun dress.

The meadow behind you was filled with flowers matching the color of your dress. The skirt of it flowed through the wind as you held your head to keep your hat from flying.

“What? What crush?” Jaehyun stuttered.

“Come on, Jaehyun, who’s the lucky girl?” You looked at him with doe eyes.

You.

“I’ll tell you once I ask her out.” Jaehyun replied.

“Ugh,” You groaned. “How about this: I tell you who my crush is and you tell me mine.”

“Deal.” Jaehyun wanted to slap himself for agreeing.

“I have a crush on Johnny.” You confessed.

Jaehyun felt a pang in his chest. You like Johnny. Of course, you would. Johnny is a sweet and smooth guy. He tried his best to hide his frown.

“Oh.” Jaehyun muttered. “Well, I like Mina.”

You smiled sweetly at him, clearly impressed with yourself that you got him to confess. You turned your back from him as you frolic in the field. Jaehyun could only watch your swaying figrue as you drift farther and farther away.

--

Jaehyun woke up in cold sweat. The shine was starting to shine through the windows. He groaned as he sat up in the bed. He glanced over the bedside table. There stood two photo frames - one of him and his wife and one of his son. The death of his wife was followed shortly by the death of his father. Jaehyun loved Adelaine. She was a woman of psychology - respected and adored by many. He lifts the frame and looked at their young and smiling faces. Jaehyun was happy. He lived a happy life, with a loving wife and a smart son. His smile soon fell as he remembered his dream last night.

“Tought night?” Kun slipped a cup of coffee on Jaehyun’s desk.

“Nah.” Jaehyun replied, getting the cup. “Just watched some movies until it was 3:00 pm.”

“Is this what living alone does to a man?”

“Shut it, Kun.” Jaehyun growled.

‘I’m just kidding.” Kun laughed. “Hey, you ready to meet the physicists this afternoon?”

Jaehyun could only swallow bitterly.

Your hopes and dreams lingered in Jaehyun’s mind. For the longest time, he believed that you, among many of his friends, were one of the reasons behind the darkest days of his life. He believed that the reason the universe made him rediscover the shoe box was to remind him of why he should think that way. Aside from your hopes, your laugh echoed through Jaehyun’s brain. All of a sudden, he felt guilty for having to experience the joys of life. He figured that if he became happy, you should be too.

Many reunions came along and he never found you in any of them. He would ask your mutual friends where you were - if you were still alive. They all answered the same thing: “I don’t know.” It was as if you never existed. A part of him wanted to believe that you were gone; probably to alleviate the guilt and pain. Besides, there’s no reason for you to ditch all reunions and disappear from the face of the earth. A bigger part of him believed that you just moved on with your life - whether still with vices and or without. He wanted to know what happened. He wished he gave his younger self a chance to turn and see you one last time.

He was definitely swallowing another pill tonight.

Pill #2

The pain felt fresh. In real time, it would have been 30 years since Jaehyun’s parents dropped the news about their divorce. Right now, the pain in Jaehyun’s chest was stinging. In real time, he would have forgotten the words his mother threw at his father. But right now, it still rings in his ears as if he just heard it an hour ago.

“I wish I could do something, bud.” Ten spoke silently beside him.

Jaehyun could only smile. The divorce was something Jaehyun carried with him throughout his whole life. He was afraid of failing at marriage, he was afraid of hurting his children.

“It’s okay, Ten.” Jaehyun replied.

“You know what,” Ten went to one of his drawers and pulled out a small, clear bag. “I’m not sure if you’re gonna agree, but I can assure you this takes away the pain.”

Jaehyun could only stare as Ten emptied a bag into the table. He took his school ID card to form the powder into a thin line. After rolling a piece of paper, he used it to connect the powder to his nostril. The scenario enticed Jaehyun. With the pain he was feeling right now, he wanted to feel something. Before he knows it, he was laying on his back with a burn in his left nostril.

Jaehyun’s mind felt hazy. It was as if he was seeing stars and flying amongst them. He no longer felt the ache of his parents’s divorce, he no longer remembers their arguing. It was as if the universe fell into place. He saw stars, he saw constellations, he saw galaxies. And most importantly, he saw you.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A dazed Ten spoke beside him.

“Y/N.” Jaehyun replied.

He saw you beside him, under him, in front of him. He saw you laughing, smiling, frowning.

A female’s laughter entered the scene. Jaehyun’s vision blurred as the world began warping in front of him. Ten’s body was slowly disappearing from Jaehyun’s vision as he saw a wide, white light. The burn from the light caused Jaehyun to shut his eyes close. When everything felt stable again, he slowly opened them.

This was another scene. He remembers this time like the back of his hand. How he hated every memory of it for it was the start of your ruin. He looked over you as blood left his face.

You threw your head back, forcing the white powder to hit deeper in your system. You looked over a dazed but still beautiful Jaehyun. You laid down beside him.

“Did I do it right this time?” You asked him.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun answered.

You were only looking up at the beaten and growning ceiling. However, little specks of glitter appeared everywhere. The glimmer of the specks shined as they doubled in size and in quantity.

“Can you see that?” You inquired.

“What?” Jaehyun looked over at your amused side profile.

“The stars. I can see them.”

Jaehyun looked up once more at the ceiling. The brightest star was already shining beside him.

“I see it.” Jaehyun answered, still basking in your beauty.

Soon enough, you felt as if your body was floating. You felt as if you could touch the stars. You raised one hand up to touch one of the specks but it vanished at your touch.

“Where the heaven are we?” You spoke.

Jaehyun’s chest began to tighten. In the center of your made up universe emerged a black hole. Jaehyun leaned forward and let it take him.

“I don’t know.” You responded gingerly.

“Come on, Y/N.” Jaehyun insisted. “This would be last one for the week.”

It’s only Wednesday and yet you already wasted Jaehyun’s one week supply of drugs. Johnny shook his head besides him.

“Jae, maybe you should take a break for now.” Johnny suggested.

“But I need an extra boost to finish that history essay!” Jaehyun reasoned out.

His sentiment made you remember why you got an A+ on your essay about quantum mechanics. You remembered the feeling and suddenly, you were craving for it.

“This is the last one for the week, okay?” You said, igniting joy in Jaehyun.

Johnny looked over his friends. In a few years, he would beat himself for doing nothing. Right now, all he did was walk away.

Darkness was slowly introducing themselves in Jaehyun’s vision. It was a signal for another time wrap. Although his nerves went array, he still prayed that it would take him back to a time where you’re sober. The world stabilized itself but the image in front of Jaehyun punched him in the chest.

A bottle of vodka in one hand and a syringe in one. Your once plush cheeks was starting to hollow. The red tint of the lipstick your wore was struggling to hide the blue. You look miserable, but you felt happy. You looked over at Jaehyun - the beautiful man that is Jung Jaehyun.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your voice was coarse and deep, but it still had the sweetness to it.

Jaehyun looked over your features again. He felt miserable but all he did was smile.

“I like you a lot.” Jaehyun confessed. He does. He adored everything about you. In 30 years, Jaehyun could only remember so much yet he remembers everything about you.

“I like you too.” Your response made Jaehyun rise from his seat. The feeling of your lips against his was something he yearned for decades. And he felt it now.

Sparks exploded between you and Jaehyun.

“What took you so long to do that?” You asked.

“Never had the chance.” He replied.

All he did was blink. All Jaehyun did was sigh and blink. All of a sudden, the scenario changed before him.

“I want more! I fucking want more!” You exclaimed.

The bags under your eyes were darker than it was just seconds ago. Your hair was also shorter, falling just below your collar bones.

“Why are you just standing there? I fucking want more!” You screamed, thrashing around in a chair.

“I can’t give you more until you finish your essay.” Jaehyun warned.

“Fuck that essay!”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened. Just months ago, you were so passionate about physics. You could do an essay or answer an equation in a snap. Now, you couldn’t do anything.

Your mouth felt dry and your throat was coarse. There was a insatiable thirst that water can’t seem to fix. You held your head with your palm as you stare into your lap. This wasn’t you. Just seconds ago, you felt infinite. Now, you just felt empty. You needed more but the rational part of your brain screamed no. You wanted to feel something, to feel alive. That’s why the next thing Jaehyun knew, you were kissing him with all your might.

The force of your lips againts his gave Jaehyun the signal to lead you to the bedroom. It was beyond Jaehyun’s morals to fuck you while you’re high but he couldn’t find any other way to silence you. The soft mattress was soon adorned with scattered clothing and two lovers. Each sensation of Jaehyun inside you drove you to a frenzy, it gave you a feeling of bliss that you never felt before. You loved the stars, you love the galaxies. Tonight, you didn’t have to be an astronaut to see the universe unfold before you.

“I want to live with you forever.” You whispered against Jaehyun’s lips.

--

Jaehyun clinked his glass with Johnny. The dark whiskey swirled inside the glass as Jaehyun started at his aged reflection.

“Hey, Jae?” Johnny called out to him.

“Yeah?”

“Do you still remember Y/N?”

Johnny’s question made Jaehyun’s heartbeat race. The memories of his time exploration last night was enough to answer Johnny’s question. But Jaehyun refused to tell Johnny all about it. The older man would probably just conclude it as an “aging hallucination.”

“Yeah, I do. Why?”

“I still wonder what happened to her.” Johnny answered. “It was as if she vanished from everyone’s memory.”

“Me too.”

“Did you regret it?”

“What?” Jaehyun looked at Johnny, confused.

“Did you regret getting her into drugs?” Johnny said. There was a hint of sterness in his tone.

“What kind of question is that, John?” Jaehyun retorted.

“I’m just wondering.” Johnny took a sip of his whiskey before continuing. “If she hadn’t started drugs, who knows where she would be right now.”

“Are you blaming me?” Fury was starting to ignite within Jaehyun.

“I’m not?” Johnny asked. “But based on your reaction, I have a feeling you do regret what you did to her.”

Perhaps Johnny was right. The reason why Jaehyun still chooses to reminisce his days with you was because he blamed himself for what happened to you. But that’s not something he will admit, not even to his best friend.

Pill #3

This time it was different. Instead of Jaehyun living as the past Jaehyun, he couldn’t do anything but watch as his old self seat in front of the university dean - as if he was a bystander in his old life. He tried to catch the attention of the old Jaehyun, but it was as if he wasn’t even there.

“Do you know that this could get you kick out from the university?” The dean spoke with anger laced in his voice. “When did you even start?”

“5 months ago.” Jaehyun replied with a small voice.

“Look, I’m only giving you another chance because your father is a benefactor of this university.” The dean leaned in, emphasizing every word he said. “If I caught you slipping one more time, it’s over for your stay in the university.”

All Jaehyun did was watch the dean with furious eyes. He wanted to scream but he knew that he wouldn’t get anything good out of it. The dean’s warning went through one ear and out the other. He huffed before leaving the office. Anger rushed through every vein in his body.

Outside the office, you fiddled with your thumbs. The Johnny was beside you who busied himself by kicking rocks off the pavement. Your licked your extremely chapped lips. No amount of lip balm could smooth them away. It was starting to worry you; the whole fiasco of your life falling apart worried you. You wanted to quit, but you didn’t want to leave Jaehyun alone.

“How did it go?” You asked once you saw Jaehyun come out from the office.

“They’re giving me one last chance.” He replied. He took your hand in his and rubbed his thumb on the back of it. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“Dude, this is getting worse.” Johnny said quietly. He was geniunely concerned for the welfare of his two friends.

“Johnny, if you have nothing else better to do than blame me,” Jaehyun cocked his head in bubbling anger. “Then just fucking go away.”

Johnny clenched his jaw at Jaehyun. He knew better than fighting with Jaehyun since it could lead to more trouble. He trudged his feet away from the two of you.

“He was only trying trying to help.” You said, carefully.

“So, you’re on his fucking side now?” It was you he was cocking his head at.

“No,” You defended. “Of course not. Look, let’s just go home.”

The walk back to his dorm was quiet. It wasn’t filled with deep talks and laughter as it used to. It was filled with anxiety and trembling fingers. The cold air of Jaehyun’s room greeted your frail body.

“Jaehyun,” You called out to him. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

“What?” he turned around to face you. “What do you mean? You don’t want to see me again?”

“No! I do want to see you again.” You replied. “It’s- We have to quit, Jaehyun.”

Tears were forming in your eyes as you whispered the last sentence. You fear that he wouldn’t understand. You wanted so bad to say that it was his pain that caused this.

“We’re hurting people, Jae.” You whispered. “We’re about to hurt ourselves.”

“You don’t understand, Y/N.” Jaehyun said. “You don’t understand anything.”

“Jaehyun, trust me, I’m trying to understand you.” Your voice was starting to shake. “But, this is ruining us.”

“No, we’re not quitting.” Jaehyun said firmly. “This isn’t ruining who we are. You said you felt happy. Did you lie?”

The response he got was your first sob. This was the first time you sobbed in front of Jaehyun. You were vigorously shaking your head, trying to get him on the same page as you.  

“I’m failing my classes, Jaehyun.” You held back a sob. “I’m losing who I am. I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore.”

“You’re still the Y/N I love.”

“You did this to me!” You exclaimed, your voice accompanied with your cries. “You did this to me, Jaehyun. I can’t do this anymore.”

“And now what? You’re gonna leave me?” Jaehyun’s eyes was starting to water themselves. “Okay. Go on. Leave me.”

“Why do you keep on doing this to me?” You were running out of energy to fight.

“What?”

“Everytime I try to help you out of this, you just turn the game against me.”

“Why the hell is everyone portraying me as the bad guy here?” Jaehyun’s tone turned louder. “It’s not my fault my parents fucking divorced and it made me fucking messed up!”

“Jaehyun-” He cut you off.

“You will never understand anything, Y/N.”

“Why do you act as if you’re the only one with all the problems here?” You tried to match the angry tone of Jaehyun, even though it was scratching your throat. “Do you even remember that you were the one who get me into drugs?”

“It’s not my fucking fault you were too much of a coward to resist, Y/N.”

His sentence broke you. All of the patience and the temper you held for him - in understandin him - vanished in a snap. Tears were falling like thunderstorms on your cheeks. Slamming the door behind you, you walked far away from Jaehyun’s dorm.

Watching from a safe distance, the present Jaehyun remembered this scene all too well. The betrayal he felt in his heart. He wanted so bad to run and get in between you and the old him. He wanted so bad to tell you that he was willing to quit.

With present Jaehyun watching you from a far, he saw that you bumped into Johnny near the campus.

“Fuck, Y/N.” Johnny held your wrists. “What the fuck happened?”

All you did was cry on his chest. Johnny tightened his grip around you as he let the front of his shirt be soaked with your angry tears. Jaehyun watched - his admiration for his best friend only blossomed. Somehow, he wished that it was Johnny you fell in love with.

“Will things ever be okay for us?” You whispered.

“It will.” Johnny answered. “I promise you, it will.”

He was willing to do lose his happiness for you. All he could do, however, was wish it was what the old him was thinking.

Pill #4

Just like the last time, Jaehyun could only watch. He could only watch as you tossed and turn in your bed, sobbing your eyes from the pain. Jaehyun wished you were crying because of him, but he’s entirely certain you weren’t.

You wish you listened to Johnny. The amount of times he held you and Jaehyun from returning to drugs. You felt magical, that was your argument. All your life, you wanted to feel something.

You laid in your bed, it was the only thing you could do for now. Your spine felt like it could snap into two whenever you attemp to sit or stand up. There was a crawling feeling behind your face and you wanted so bad to peel your face and scratch it off.

“Make it stop, oh my god, make it stop!”

All you could do was cry. Your whole body was in pain, it was burning, aching, pounding all the same time. Your tongue swirled around your mouth to find something moist. You pressed your fingertips on your cheeks again as the crawling sensation was getting worse. You were restless but all you wanted was to sleep. The pounding in your head worsened each breath you take.

All you did was cry. And all Jaehyun could do was watch in pain. You screamed and screamed, hoping someone outside your door would hear you. Two girls came bursting through your room door as they scurried to call 911.

“Oh my god, Y/N, what happened?” A girl who Jaehyun remembered as Nayeon asked you in panic.

“Kill me! Oh god, kill me!” You pleaded, your voice scratching.

A boy came and carried your heaving body outside the door.

This was a scene Jaehyun never saw. It was as if the pills was nothing more than just a punishment for abandoning you. He cursed at himself for ever thinking that he could save you.

There was a stabbing pain through Jaehyun’s chest. The area where his forearm meets his wrist had a piercing sensation. The world was closing in on Jaehyun’s body. And he let it.

--

Jaehyun knew what happens next. 30 years ago, he was admitted to the hospital for overdosing on drugs. He knew that you were staying on the floor beneath his. Yet, he did nothing. He didn’t check up on you, he didn’t contact your parents to find out if you were even alive or responding. Jaehyun had many regrets in his life, but he could never find one regret that he resents more than that one.

“Hey,” Jaehyun slowly entered Johnny’s office.

“Hey.” Johnny responded. The argument from last night was still lingering between the two man.

“Look, Johnny, I’m sorry.” Jaehyun started. “It’s just that what happened during that time in college was really hard to me.”

“I know, Jaehyun.” Johnny said. “I’m sorry I even brough Y/N up.”

“I appreciate your concern for me, John.” Jaehyun reassured. “It’s not your fault I couldn’t own up to my mistakes.”

“I just miss her, you know?” Johnny stared at the whiskey in front of him. “I wish she was here celebrating accomplishments with us.”

“I miss her too, buddy.” Jaehyun whispered. “It hurts not knowing where she is or if she’s even alive right now.”

“I remember going to arcades and flower field with her.”

Jaehyun could only nod and smile at his best friend. What happened back in college was something sensitive even between close friends. Jaehyun only stayed friends with a few people from college.

“I feel like we need let the memory of Y/N go.” Jaehyun spoke again, breaking into a sincere smile. “I don’t know if we’ll ever see her again but all I could do right now is pray that she’s happy and well.”

“You really think we can’t see her again?” Johnny’s demeanor showed remorse.

“I don’t think she’ll want to see me again, anyway.” He replied.

--

Pill #5

The eerie sound of a machine beeping filled Jaehyun’s ears. The first thing he saw as he opened his eyes was the horizontal lines of light in the ceiling. He squinted before looking around the room. A doctor clad in a white coat was besides the hospital bed.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Jung?” The doctor asked, shifting his eyes from Jaehyun and back to his clipboard.

“Uhm, I’m thirsty.” Jaehyun spoke. “And a bit groggy.”

“I’ll run a few test first before I could speak on your condition.” The doctor said. “For now, I’ll have someone come up with water. Please rest now.”

Jaehyun nodded. He laid his head back into the pillow, squinting his eyes from the light. Before the doctor could leave, he turned around and said, “This is your last chance, Mr. Jung.”

Jaehyun remained stagnant over the doctor’s sentence. Last chance at living? He knew that. He knew that he overdose and if he did it again, it would cost him his life. The doctor’s last words remained in his mind. He wasn’t sure if he remembers that happening years ago.

“Hey, buddy.” Johnny entered the room slowly.

“Hey.” Jaehyun’s eye lit up at the sight of his friend.

“How are you?” The look on Johnny’s face wasn’t something Jaehyun expected. A blurred red rim around his eyeballs and his eyelids looked swollen.

“Have you been crying?”

“Of course I am! I just received a message that you overdosed! What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“I’m sorry for lashing out the last time.”

“It’s alright.” Johnny said. “I’d rather have you mad at me than you dead.”

“You’re the best, Johnny.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Y/N is just under this floor.” Johnny said out of the blue. “Do you want to visit her?”

“No.” The answer was automatic - as if Jaehyun didn’t have to think before muttering an answer.

“I’m guessing things didn’t end well between the two of you?”

“It’s for the best.” Jaehyun revealed.

“Why the hell do you not want to visit her downstairs?”

I saw her suffer.

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun sighed. “I promise I’ll talk to her once I’m out of here.”

Jaehyun felt his eyelids became heavy. He laid back as the world spinned around him one last time.

Jaehyun was walking. A second ago, he remembered falling asleep in the hospital bed. The next thing he knew, he was with father, walking towards the exit of the hospital. As he walk through the hallways, he passed by the room you were assigned to. A doctor pushed her way into the door of the room. The gap made by her action gave Jaehyun a small glimpse of what was inside. Tubes and machines were attached your face. The brief glimpse failed to give Jaehyun a look if you were awake.

He turned away. Y/N wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.

Each step he took reminded him of something you said.

“I like the universe.” Step.

“I like you too.” Step.

“I want to live with you forever.” Step.

“Make it stop!” Step.

“Where the heaven are we?” Step.

Jaehyun glanced back at the hospital gate. His breathing deep but steady. The cold, winter breeze pushed back against his rigid body as he stared into the clear doors of the hospital. It was a battle; his legs telling him to run through the gates but his mind didn’t cooperate. A rational part of his brain told him to go back but he did the opposite, pivoting towards the parking lot where his dad was headed.

Jaehyun’s heart tightened, his eyes threatening to let the tears go. Finally, he realized why the hell he was reliving the past. All his life he wanted to know what happened to you. Now, here he is - outside the same hospital he last heard you were in. He was a few steps away from the answers. A summer image of you with the brightest smile flashed before him. He wanted to go back. His vision was starting to go black. With rapid breaths, he turned around. The black dots where getting larger but he fough through it. He blinked and swing his head, hoping it could stop the world was falling in front of him.

As he was about to push the gates open, the world turned dark.

--

Jaehyun couldn’t believe it. He had one shot of finding out and yet he screwed it up. He let out a painful groan on his pillow. He scurried back to the bathroom and messily searched for the orange cylinder.

Empty.

The chances were out.

“Fuck!” He gripped the roots of his hair in frustration.

Jaehyun leaned on the sink and took deep breathes. The pain was dormant for the longest time now, and then suddenly it erupted like hot lava. It burned all corners of his heart - even corners that belonged to Adelaine.

Jaehyun could only weep, as the aching hole in his heart stinged worse than before.

--

The river reflected the tall buildings of the city. A pink hue was starting to paint all over the wide skies. There is a great big world out there. He sighed as he reminisced his life. The laughter, the tears, the heartbreak - every single bit of what happened molded Jaehyun into the man that he is now. A man that new more than solving problems with bigger problems. It wasn’t easy cutting strings with stuff that made you feel limitless. But this is the real life - you are finite. No amount of liquor or grams of drugs could ever change that. There are definitely areas in Jaehyun’s life that he wished he could change. However, that would mean he never grew as a person. If Jaehyun could bring back one last thing before he returns to dust, it would be a chance to see you again. The age old question of where you are now was still unanswered. Some hoped you were alive, some decided to close that chapter of their lives completely. Jaehyun hovered the pen over the blank piece of paper.

Dear Y/N,

How are you? I hope life made you well. This is Jung Jaehyun. Do you remember the time you told me about why you decided to study physics? I hope you’re on your quest towards the answers to your questions. I am more than happy that the magnetic force of the earth helped me meet you. It’s not gonna be long until one of our bodies combust into nothing but stardust. And until then, I am eager to meet you again.

You met me at a happy point in my life. I was a promising student with a clear record. You were there during my peak and you were there when I collapsed. You know what? I don’t think I was happy I ever met you. If I didn’t know you, you wouldn’t have collapsed with me. Who knows where you would be if the addiction never happened. When you asked me if things were ever going to be okay for the both of us, I wish I never said yes. I wish I never promised you that things will get better because I am living in constant guilt that it only happened to me. Where are you now, Y/N?

I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to die before I turn 30. I joked about how I don’t have to worry about wrinkles because I really didn’t think I was gonna live beyond 25. But, the moment you told me you wanted to live with me forever - it made me think twice. You said you wanted to live with me forever - I don’t care if we’re lovers or friends - then, where are you now, Y/N?

Johnny, Taeyong, and Jungwoo misses you a lot. Why didn’t you come to the reunions? Did I hurt you that much? You should have come for them anyway. Johnny and Jungwoo still lives in the city. If you’d like, you can always visit them.

For all the things I’ve done, Y/N, I am so sorry. If I could turn back time once more, I would have done anything. In our next life, can you promise me that you’ll find me and tell me it’s alright? There’s still so much questions I cannot answer. My heart will always yearn for you.

What the hell happened to you? Where the heaven are you, Y/N?

Love, Jaehyun.

 a/n: was this too messy??? anyway, feedback is always appreciated.  if there are any plotholes or mistakes, pls let me know. i wrote this at the crack of dawn so. i hurt my wrist writing this fucking story lol i hope u liked it

[coffeeman777]

Why is it a sin to be in love with the same sex? No one is harming anyone so what is the problem. I am not asking to cause trouble, I genuinely want to know.

Heya!

So, before I directly answer your question, I want to set the stage by explaining the Christian teaching about the fallenness of humankind, also called "total depravity."

When Adam and Eve rebelled in Eden, they corrupted themselves and passed on that corruption to all their offspring. Every one of us is born tainted by sin; everything we are, and do, and desire is to some extent or another affected by sin. Because of this, we are naturally drawn towards many evil things without realizing the things are evil. Those things feel good, right, and natural to us, and we often can't see them for what they are.

Now back to the question:

Humans are made in God's image. Like it or not, we are His imagers, and that comes with certain responsibilities that we can't shake. One of the reasons that God hates murder is because it desecrates His image when a human being is killed unjustly. In fact, any abuse of the human body falls into this category, including the misuse of the body for sexual purposes. God sanctioned only one form of sexual expression for human kind, and that is heterosexual sex between a husband and wife. Everything else, all other forms of sexual expression whether heterosexual, homosexual, or something else, are abuses of the human body's sexual capacity, and are therefore sexually immoral. And sexual immorality is offensive to God because it desecrates His image.

Furthermore, while it may seem that various forms of sexual immorality aren't harmful to anyone, the Scripture tells us that all sexual immorality, including homosexuality, harms the people who practice it:

1 Corinthians 6:18

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body."

All sexual immorality, both heterosexual and homosexual, defiles and degrades the body, and desecrates God's image. It sometimes results in physical harm, and always results in spiritual harm. Because of our fallen state, we can't see how bad this is. We're blinded to the wrongness of it by our desire for it. Some of us have a natural inclination towards wrongful uses of sexuality, and it seems like the only way we can be happy is to satisfy our urges; I'm very pleased to tell you that this is not the case. We can see through the fog of our own fallen natures and bring our physical urges to submission to God's command through Jesus Christ.

God will accept anyone through Christ, no matter what darkness they are living in, or have lived in. The Lord calls to all, and He will recieve all who come to Him, in whatever state they happen to be in. But to be included in Christ's atonement and be saved, repentance must happen. The Lord will take any of us the way we are, but in His love, He will heal us and change us from the inside out, such that we leave the old self behind. The Lord Jesus came to save us from our sins and give us new life.

If a person comes to Jesus and surrenders themselves to Him, He will save them; gay or straight makes no difference. A person with same-sex attraction may end up living a celibate life, and that isn't a bad thing at all. Jesus Himself was celibate while He was here as a man. The Apostle Paul was celibate as well, and he said that in his estimation, being celibate was better than being married (1 Cor 7:32-35, 40).

But, on the other hand, the Lord could also deliver a person from same-sex attraction. A lot of people say that's not possible, but the truth is that God can do literally anything. The power of God is unparalleled. God delivers people by the hundreds and thousands from the desires and obsessions of their sin nature every single day.

If we surrender ourselves to the Lord Jesus, humble ourselves and ask Him to save us, He certainly will. He will accept and change us into who He would have us be.

I hope my response is a help to you. Be blessed!

[synclu-satan]

I recieved this on Tellonym today and idk I wanted to share with the class.

“why do you welcome endogenic systems”

In my bio on Tellonym, I state that I support MOGAI and that endogenic systems are welcome on my page. They don’t let you make the bio very long on this site, so there’s not much to that portion for us, we had other things to say. I also received a Tell asking what MOGAI was and answered that, but that’s not really the point of this blog so I probably won’t go over it. It was interesting, however, that I got 3 Tells in quick succession asking about 2 things in my bio and the other about my pinned post. Nobody asked about that post before ever, I figured it was a dead joke tbh.

Anyway, I answered the Tell.

“people know themselves better than other people ever could. if someone says they're plural and/or a system, i believe them. origin matters in some ways, but not in all ways there's a lot of overlap in experiences between traumagenic and endogenic systems (not least of which: it's possible to be endogenic and disordered or traumagenic and not disordered).”

“in the end it's the radical inclusivity again. when we divide our already marginalized communities further, we make things worse for both ourselves and the people we other. I'm tired of being othered, and i cannot do that to other people. we all have a right to be heard and believed.”

I brought up radical inclusivity because of answering the MOGAI question right before this. I bring it up again here because just as it’s important in gender and orientation communities to not further other the “weird” people or those some see as “making a joke out of it”, the same can be said in any kind of mental health support communities.

If we other those who have “distasteful symptoms” or those who are stigmatized by incorrect or unflattering portrayal in media, we are perpetuating ableism and contributing to the oppression of those people. People with OSDDID should understand this, and many do. We are part of that frequently othered group.

The thing is…the othering happening here is not because of the diagnosis. A lot of people doing it don’t even know the right name, or didn’t until the last couple years. These people don’t know the theories, they don’t see the discourse, they don’t know what origin labels are. They see anyone with more than one consciousness in their head and say horrible things.

Our communities, connected or not, are harmed by continuing that othering and making each community smaller. The less united we are, the less information makes it out to the people who don’t know and currently have no reason to care. You don’t have to be friends, but like.

Maybe we can just learn to tolerate each other? Live and let live? Correct misinformation about OSDDID, yes. Please make sure the disorder is well understood. But do it without tearing people down and treating them as these monoliths of unchanging bad? People learn things and grow and change. Not everyone will, but it’s hardly fair to assume that of everyone. And for goodness’ sake, let non-disordered systems and systems with atypical presentations live in peace.

Follow-up to this post here.