#the amount of visual cues i have to take in to know my surroundings makes me safer

[butchlifeguard]

parents be like when i was yr age i totaled my moms car coming back from a party in another state. also dont skateboard too fast the neighbor said something to me ☹️

[shihalyfie]

Kizuna itself vs. the two versions of the novel

Written on request from a friend who wanted to remain anonymous. This is more of an editorial than a meta, and while I usually have a policy of “this is an analysis blog, not a review blog” it goes into more of my personal impressions and opinions than usual, but it’s something I write hoping to be helpful.

There are basically three “official” full versions of Kizuna: one being, of course, the movie itself, one being the Dash X Bunko version of the novel, and one being the Shueisha Mirai Bunko version of it. While it’s certainly not to say that any of the three is an “incomplete” version of the narrative, if you really want as full of a picture of the story as possible, somehow, each of all three versions of the story happens to have really important information that the other two do not. If I had to pick only one of these three versions to recommend to people, I would of course pick the movie itself; it’s obviously the base story everything else is based off of and was the one the production centered around as a priority, but the novelizations have a surprising amount of info that provide a lot of insight into the movie’s story and themes.

I get the impression that the creation of Kizuna involved making a lot more story and background details than could fit in a 95-minute movie, so these novelizations, which were based directly off the original movie script, ended up being an outlet for a lot of these details (and as much as I could be harsh on the movie itself for being a bit “reliant” on extra material, I have to admit that Adventure and 02 were both like this too -- a lot of our current understanding of the series comes from the Adventure novels and drama CDs -- so frankly I’m thankful we at least got this with a 95-minute movie instead of a yearlong series). On the flip side, while I'm not going to say that the novels are completely and utterly inaccurate representations of the movie, in a perhaps too-close approximation of Adventure and 02's writing style, this is a movie where even the nuances in a single line or split-second moment carry heavy implications, which become much blurrier or harder to identify when they’re presented differently (or not even presented at all) in the novel’s context, especially when they emphasize very different things from what the movie itself was emphasizing.

The short version of this is that I believe the Dash X version contains the greater amount of “plot and story” information but significantly misses out on the emotional themes and presentation, whereas the Shueisha Mirai version abridges and cuts chunks of content but is much better at conveying the intended message. More on this below the cut. (Note that the following post spoils Kizuna’s plot events.)

The movie itself

Since the following parts are more “in comparison to the movie”, I’m not going to go too much into this in this section, but one thing I will say is that the official English subtitle translation for the movie is really not great. Even if you take out nitpickiness about the fact it misses several significant nuances (the difference between “unchangeable fate” and “changeable destiny”, or the fact that Gennai refers to partnership dissolution as a “case” and not like it’s something that happens overall) at really plot-important moments, some lines (thankfully, usually not plot-important ones) are just straight-up incorrect. And worse, there’s evidence the official English dub was based on that translation! (I’m not faulting the people in charge of the dub for this, but whoever handed them that translation to work with.)

The dialogue in the Dash X Bunko version is transcribed effectively word-for-word from the dialogue in the movie (or perhaps vice versa, given that the novel is based on the original script), so I highly recommend checking that version as a reference for dialogue or if you want to do any intimate analysis on it. I don't want to go as far as to suggest not supporting the official version of the movie because of this, but at least please be aware that the translation used there is not entirely reliable.

Dash X Bunko

If you talk about “the Kizuna novel”, this is the one that people usually tend to be referring to, for two reasons. Firstly, it was translated shortly after the movie’s release, and due to the unfortunate circumstances of Kizuna being delayed in accessibility outside Japan for several months, this basically served as the only comprehensive source of info about the movie outside Japan for a very long time. Secondly, in Japan, this one was marketed as “the one for adults” in contrast to the Shueisha Mirai one being “for kids”, which meant that a lot of people assumed that the latter one was just an incredibly stripped down version that was otherwise disposable or replaceable. (This is very, very much not the case, and is extremely ironic when it comes to a movie that partially centers around the dangers of looking down too much on things associated with childhood.)

When it comes to “plot and story info”, this is the one that probably serves as the best reference (especially for fanfic writers or those who need a refresher on certain plot events or to look up something quickly), and probably has the most “comprehensive” listing of plot events surrounding the movie. The dialogue in it is a word-for-word recreation of the movie’s script, and actually includes more scenes than the movie itself does, including two that I suspect to be deleted scenes (a detailing of the specifics behind the initial plan to pursue Eosmon, and a conversation between Koushirou and Tentomon) and adaptations of the first and second memorial shorts within their context in the movie. It also contains some interesting background details and extra context for some things in the movie that you might think would normally be animation flair or something, but take a very interesting implication of story importance if they’re going out of their way to write this in the script. (There’s a scene where Agumon and Gabumon appear in front of their partners when they’d been behind them a minute before, and it’s easy to think this might be an animation error, but not only does the surrounding context make this unlikely, the novel itself actually directly states that their positions had changed.) Given that, I think it was very fortunate that this novel was available to us for those outside Japan waiting for the actual movie to come out, because this level of detail was very important to have on hand rather than fragmented spoilers on social media.

However, the part where I think the novel is significantly deficient in compared to the actual movie (and also to the other version of the novel) is that it describes the plot events in too blunt of a manner and doesn’t bring out its themes very well. (It’s kind of like having a long and very detailed Wikipedia article plot summary; it definitely got all the hard facts down, but the emotion is gone, which is still a pretty significant issue when media’s all about the feelings and message in the end.) While “considering the movie to be more cynical than it’s probably meant to be” happens regardless of which version someone’s working from, I’ve talked to perhaps an unnervingly high number of people who started with the novel and were absolutely convinced that the movie’s message was about adulthood sucking and needing to just accept it, until they saw how the actual movie pulled it off and the surrounding atmosphere and realized it definitely was not. (I think one really big factor here is that a lot of the visual imagery makes it extremely, extremely hard to miss that Menoa’s mentality is completely screwed up and her way of seeing things was dubious to begin with; prose descriptions really just don’t capture the way they slam this in your face with visual and musical cues during the climax of the movie.)

You can figure this out from the novel itself, but you have to really be looking closely at the way they word things, and on top of that it’s hard to figure out which parts you should be focusing on and which parts aren’t actually that important -- in other words, the “choice of priorities” gets a bit lost in there. Even the little things lose a lot of value; it’s theoretically possible to use the novel to put together that Daisuke is wearing his sunglasses indoors during his first scene, but you have to put together the context clues from completely different paragraphs to figure this out, none of which compares to the actual hilarity of visually seeing him wearing the thing in a very obviously dimly lit restaurant because he’s our beloved idiot. (For more details, please see my post with more elaboration on this and more examples of this kind of thing.)

I wouldn’t say that the movie itself isn’t guilty of (perhaps accidentally) having some degree of mixed messaging, but I would say this problem is rather exacerbated by the novel’s way of presenting it due to its dedication to dropping every single plot detail and event without much in the way of choosing what to contextualize and what to put emphasis on (as it turns out, treating practically everything in the movie as if it has equal weight might not be a great idea). So, again, for that reason I think the novel serves as a good reference in terms of remembering what happened in it and knowing the movie’s contents, but I also feel that it’s really not the greatest deliverer of the movie’s message or themes at all.

Shueisha Mirai Bunko

The second version of the novel was not translated until several months after the movie first released, and shortly before the Blu-ray and streaming versions of the movie itself came out anyway, so my impression is that on this end a lot of people don’t even know it was a thing. On top of that, even those who know about it often dismiss it as the “kid version” -- and to be fair, it did baffle quite a few people as to why this version even exists (Kizuna is technically not unacceptable for kid viewing and its plot is still understandable regardless of age, but since the movie is so heavily about the millennial existential crisis, it’s not something kids would really relate to). So a lot of people tended to just skip over it...which is really a shame, because it contains some interesting things that actually aren’t in the other two versions at all. For instance, did you know that, as of this writing, this is the only thing that plainly states the specific explanation for why Yamato decided to become an astronaut, for the first time in 20 real-life years?

While there are still some things that weren’t in the movie proper (mainly the Eosmon initial plan and the adaptation of the second memorial short), for the most part, the actual events are somewhat abridged compared to the movie and the Dash X version, and other than a few stray lines, there’s not a lot of extra information that would be as helpful for referencing the events of the plot. The version of the novel here is rather broadly interpretive of the scenes in the movie, so several things are condensed or taken out (and, amusingly, because it’s assuming that the kids reading this don’t actually know the original Adventure or 02, it has to describe what each character is like in a quick one-liner).

However, interestingly enough, it’s because it’s so heavily interpretive that it illuminates a lot of things that weren’t really easy to glean out of the Dash X version. For instance:

Some scenes are described with “other perspectives” that give you info on someone else’s point of view. (For instance, we see more of Yamato’s perspective and thoughts when he has his first phone call with Daisuke, or a bit more detail in the process of how Eosmon kidnappings work.)

We get a lot more information on what’s going through everyone’s heads during each scene, and what emotions they’re feeling at a given time. (This is something that you could at least get to some degree in the movie itself from facial expressions and framing, but would often be a lot blurrier in the Dash X version; here, it’s spelled out in words.)

When things are abridged, you get a clearer idea of what the intended point and theme of the scene was because it’s stripped down to include only that part. In one really interesting case, the scene with Agumon finding Taichi’s AVs has a “censored” equivalent where Taichi’s pushed to a corner because he can’t find anything non-alcoholic in his fridge -- so when you look at the two versions of the scene and what they have in common, you can figure out that the point isn’t that it was a lewd joke for the sake of it, but rather that Taichi’s forcing himself into boxes of “adulthood” that are actually meaningless and impractical.

Some of the descriptions of the characters, scenes, and background information make it a lot more obvious as to their purpose in the narrative (it outright confirms that Miyako being in Spain means that her personality is getting overly enabled there).

The scene where the circumstances behind Morphomon’s disappearance are revealed makes it significantly less subtle what the point is. In the actual movie, a lot of this involved visual framing with Menoa seeming to become more and more distant, but in this version of the novel they basically whack you over the head with the final confirmation that Menoa is guilty of neglecting her own partner, which contradicts her own assertions that “they were always together” (maybe not emotionally, it seems!) and helps clarify the commonality between her, Taichi, Yamato, and Sora in what exactly led to their partners disappearing.

Bonus: this version of the novel really wants you to know that the ending of the movie is about Taichi and Yamato fully having the determination to turn things around and lead up to the 02 epilogue. (The movie’s version of this involves the extended version of Taichi’s thesis and the credits photo with Yamato obviously next to a rocket, while this novel’s version involves more detailed fleshing out of how Taichi and Yamato decided to use their experiences to move onto their eventual career paths and what kind of hope they still have at the end. The Dash X version...didn’t really have a very strong equivalent here.)

In other words, while this version of the novel isn’t the greatest reference for plot or worldbuilding, it does a much more effective job being straightforward about the intended themes and message of the movie, and even if the scenes in it are much more loosely adapted, it’s much better at adapting the emotional nuances of the things that would normally be conveyed via visuals, expressions, and voice acting. (Although I would still say that the movie itself is the best reference for that kind of thing, of course.) If you just want lore or plot ideas, I don’t think it’ll help you very much, but since this series is so much about characters that had their ways of thinking fleshed out in such incredible detail, and about strong theme messaging, this is all still very valuable information in its own way.

[bigskydreaming]

“I was human once. Where were you then?” I pretty thoroughly abandoned Teen Wolf after season 4, and even before then, I didn’t engage with the fandom much, but the voice that you give Scott is enough to keep me with one toe dipped in the pond. He’s funny and clever and kind. Even years since I’ve read anything else in TW, WTWTA continues to be a favourite. Do you feel like talking about where you were planning to go with it? I’ve seen you talk about Lightning Crashes plenty, but not WTWTA.

Thank you so much for this ask! Not gonna lie, Lightning Crashes consumes most of my remaining Teen Wolf attention just because its so freaking big and I've got so much written for it over the years that like, I will riot against myself if I don't finish it because like ugh I didn't write all that just to have it sit unread in my own damn files forever, y'know? So like, while I would love to return to Where Wild Things Are someday I'm not trying to make any claims about that one until LC is off my back. Tbh, I'm trying not to make any claims about fanfic or deadlines until I'm fully recovered from my surgery and whatnot because like......my day to day life is just not reliable and I hate not being able to keep my word on stuff.

BUT. That all said, I do still have a lot of fondness for WWTA and plenty of thoughts about it and willingness to talk about where it was headed for anyone who prefers to just hear about that on the assumption it won't ever really get returned to, cuz like, you are Valid.

And I actually have a lot of fondness for that part you quoted in particular, like, I've heard a lot of good things from people about that whole interaction being a standout for them, and its a personal fave because it pretty succintly got to the heart of some of my biggest issues with Teen Wolf's portrayal of hunters and specifically their ideology and self-justifications.

Anyway, some basics about where that fic was going below the cut, and I'm happy to go into more detail or provide snippets or excerpts from future parts as well.

So the very next chapter after what was posted is actually another Scott POV, and it has Peter showing up to his house at night while his mom's at work, Cora with her uncle as well, and 'summoning' Scott to be by his side as well while Peter goes to meet with another Alpha in a rival pack's territory. (Said Alpha being Ennis, in this case).

This chapter's actually a pretty interesting one IMO because I used it to play around with a personal headcanon I have for chemo-signals. There's actually been a fair amount of theorizing in the scientific (and pseudo scientific, lol) communities about what it might be like if humans could pick up on and interpret chemo-signals, because the science suggests that actually we DO.....just at such a tiny magnification so as to make it impossible to get any like, usable data from what little our noses do pick up.

But a popular theory is that picking up on chemo-signals would produce a physiological like, 'mirroring' of what's being picked up on, like....okay, so there's this thing in a lot of evolutionary traits that are linked to survival mechanisms. Where like, the body in the act of receiving various signals from another being about something being dangerous or threatening or to be avoided, it'll essentially mimic the very signs of distress or warning in the person or creature its picking up those signals from. Its kinda part of an automatic feedback loop, like going through a version of the same reaction a person is seeing in others is part of the body and brain's interpretative process, taking in certain stimuli and then processing it in ways that end up with the brain consciously cluing in that what its seeing is that it should be wary of danger.

I'm explaining it badly, but the basic idea is like.....you know that almost instinctive flinch of horror or fear you get almost in like....sympathy, when you see someone else in obvious distress or terror....even before or without seeing or experiencing whatever it is that's making them so distressed/afraid yourself? That's an example of what I'm talking about here. One creature or person transmits various signals - be they visual by way of stance or expression, or scent, or auditory like screams - and surrounding 'pack creatures' or basically any nearby beings likely to be part of that initial being's pack or herd or community.....they pick up these signals and the message of warning or whatever being conveyed via those signals....and in the process of translating that into some kind of actionable instinct, they ALREADY replicate and thus partially pass on those very same signals themselves.

So the thing about scents that we give off even as humans, is that there's actually a LOT of data and signals encoded into these scents or the various things our bodies produce in association with these scents, like sweat. Even though we can't discern these scents to any degree that allows us to meaningfully interpret the data encoded in them, because we didn't ever end up evolving down the evolutionary path that might have resulted in us being able to smell to that degree....like, the information is still THERE, packed into those scents and odor-producing body by-products.

And that has a lot to do with why we react the way we often do to smelling someone's sweat even to the degree that we DO pick it up.....because think of what bodily reactions tend to produce sweat. Its not just physical exertions, its also in a response to nervousness or discomfort or disgust or outright danger, etc.....and our instinctive responses to scenting the sweat someone produces is often to like....mirror those very same emotions. Just to a much more minor degree than if we were able to smell to the same degree that like, we can see.....and thus pick apart single scents and interpret the various distinct elements and emotions packed INTO those, much like how our eyes are evolved to pick apart visuals and interpret specific details about shapes we see in front of us and give a lot more nuance and specificity to what our eyes are picking up on.

So the theory is that if we WERE able to smell to this keen degree....we would be able to tell a LOT about people's emotional state just from the physiological byproducts they produce in various emotional states.....BUT there'd be a trade-off. We would also be prone to the same tendency to unconsciously mimic the signals we were picking up on.....so our own scent glands, our own expressions, would be likely to 'pass on' the indications of fear or arousal or anxiety that we're smelling.

What intrigued me about this idea, in terms of werewolves who are stated to be able to pick up and interpret chemo-signals......is that it carries with it the implication that actually, most werewolves - at least those in packs - would have EXCELLENT self-control, in contrast to what most hunters believe about werewolves and their lack thereof.

Because think about it......if werewolves are constantly being bombarded with the chemo-signals of those around them, and interpreting these smells and the signals contained within them with the same matter of fact ease most of us translate the visual signals our eyes convey to us......in actuality, werewolves would need to have exceptional control over their own reactions to external stimuli.......or else they'd constantly stand out by having facial expressions and stance cues that seem to change radically with seemingly very little reason for them to do so as far as normal humans around them can tell. And at the same time, the facial reactions they might instinctively flash to in response to picking up say, stark terror from someone who was trying their best to hide that VISUALLY due to the presence of someone they were afraid of like an abuser....the fact that werewolves seemed to often be reacting to things they were picking up on in ways that seemed completely contrary to what visual or auditory cues were evident to everyone else....this would also make them stand out even in a crowd.

So to my mind, the extent to which werewolves were shown deciphering information via chemo-signals on the show suggests that actually, werewolf packs would place a huge focus on teaching their children and their new bitten members both the importance of having firm self-control over their own reactions and emotional state - in order to counter their own instinctive tendencies upon smelling things like strong fear or arousal or anxiety in others - as well as the HOW of doing just that.

Which in turn would lead to the idea that its the LACK of a pack - and the grounding knowledge and presence of other experienced werewolves - which most often results in the existence of the 'out of control' omega werewolves that hunters use to justify the necessity of their existence.

Think how bewildering it would be to constantly be bombarded with signals and cues that suggest that the people around you are at any given moment in heightened states of panic and distress and discomfort. How much that would shred your own self-control if you weren't extremely practiced - and aided - in keeping a clear awareness of your OWN emotional state and feelings at all times, so you don't get swept away by the tide of emotional information you're picking up on all sides. I imagine it wouldn't be that much different walking down the hall of a school picking up the scent chemo-signals of a hundred teenagers in the throes of puberty, hormonal changes, and constant stress and intense feelings.....than say, if you or I were to walk down that same hall and instead of just seeing and hearing a hundred teenagers laughing and talking and going about their day, we saw and heard every one of those teenagers acting out visual and auditory cues of extreme intensity on all sides, from some of them screaming for dozens of different reasons to others being clear images of someone in pain or outright terror, etc.

Its a lot. Its easy to imagine that omega werewolves would not actually be any less 'capable' than any other werewolf, they're not wild or feral because they're lesser or whatever.....its simply for whatever reason, they never were taught the lesson of just how important it is to learn how to not just interpret scent cues, but block them out when necessary or at the very least maintain a conscious awareness of how to keep your own sense of self prioritized in your brain over just....instinctively reacting to everything being flung at you information wise.

Anyway. So a big component of what's to come there is how this might impact the world of Teen Wolf if explored in depth.....

Because on the one hand, this information would be the EXACT thing needed to really put things into clarity re: hunters and werewolves. The reality that actually, most werewolves are exceptional at self-control....that when they're a danger to others, its usually because they're that way with INTENT like Deucalion or Ennis. That most werewolves aren't the inches-from-being-mindless timebombs that hunters stress are the real reason for why they exist. The omegas are actually the odd ones out, and their lack of self-control is something that can actually be mitigated by integration into existing packs or just more avenues for educating themselves on what they are now and what differences that makes in their lives and just their very approaches to life.

But on the other hand, this information is exactly what werewolves like Scott CAN'T inform hunters of en masse.....because of the existence of hunters like Gerard and Kate who actually don't CARE about the code and the idea of just existing to protect humanity from the out of control dangerous 'monsters'....but rather just want to kill werewolves for other reasons. Because hunters who were fully in the know as to how much control the average werewolf has over their emotional state....as well as WHY its so important for them to learn and practice such exceptional self-control......because of how VULNERABLE to reacting to the emotional states of others werewolves are......they would no doubt be able to weaponize this against werewolves. After all, even exceptional self control is bound to waver if say, in the presence of large numbers of humans who are being deliberately influenced to give off certain scent cues in mass quantities......just so hunters can pick out at a distance who seems to be reacting to things none of the humans present seem to be aware of, etc.

So things like this are meant to become central to Scott and Allison's burgeoning relationship and the everpresent question they each have for how much they can really trust the other - and trust the other WITH - no matter how much they want to. Even as Scott starts to fall for Allison and believe the best of her, he's very aware of her still existant ties to her family, her own 'pack' - and despite being in possession of so much knowledge about werewolves that could most likely open Allison's eyes even further to how inaccurate most of the information she and others like her father are working off of is......Scott's equally keenly aware that giving her that information COULD still backfire and put his own pack in danger if it for whatever reason doesn't end up being enough to fully bring her over to his side.

Basically the big theme of the story has always been about who can you trust, even when you really WANT to trust them, because even people with similar moralities can have conflicting priorities and its not always enough to just be on the same page in one of those respects.

Anyway, the next chapter is big on introducing the importance of chemo-signals as Peter drives to his meeting with Ennis and tells Cora and Scott to settle between themselves who will accompany him inside (a clear position of prominence relevant to the ongoing power struggle between Cora and Scott for influence among their packmates). And most of that happens by way of the two of them 'scent-talking' to each other in the backseat. Because a side-effect of the idea that smelling chemo-signals prompts certain facial cues in response, as well as exceptional control over their own emotions and thus accompanying physiological cues, means that its possible for werewolves to have very involved silent discussions just by deliberately invoking various scents for the other, etc.

Cora of course wins that mini-battle between them, by way of the leverage she has over Scott now that she knows he's able to lie to Peter without betraying it with his scent or his heartbeat. Peter would never risk having someone capable of lying to him with no sign, so that's as good of a death sentence if he finds out. But at the same time, its something Cora knows she can't milk for too long, because the longer SHE has the information that Scott is capable of that, the less effective it becomes as leverage.....since hiding that from Peter could massively backfire and put her at risk too, meaning there's only so long she can use it as leverage against Scott before it becomes a case of mutually assured destruction and he says 'go ahead, tell Peter, and once he finds out how long you've kept that from him see what position that leaves you in.'

So Cora knows this information is best used sooner rather than later, so she leverages it off the bat, to get Scott to cave on this one and so she's the one to accompany Peter to his top secret meeting with Ennis and learn whatever they're talking about and what the basis of this alliance they seem to have formed is. Also, Peter comes out of the meeting carrying a mysterious box he got from Ennis, that seems to have been his goal all along, and has Cora troubled, but unwilling to divulge any information about what it might be.

Scott however gets something out of the meeting too, because even while left outside, he discovers some key information.....Ennis' pack includes Jiang and Tierney, two members of Brett's old pack that he thought were dead. Ennis had 'taken them in' though they really didn't have a ton of choice in the matter and were less than thrilled about it....which gives Scott the start of an actual plan. Which thickens once he learns Brett's sister Lorilee is alive as well, and a member of Kali's pack, along with refugees from another wiped out pack, the Primals.

Essentially, where this is all building towards is over time, Scott starts reaching out to the exploited and miserable teens stuck at the bottom of abusive packs they never asked to be a part of but are afraid to leave....and begins building an alliance of teens across multiple local packs. None of them are strong enough to overthrow their own Alphas on their own, but together, they could be strong enough to overthrow a single Alpha, and then consolidate as a pack of their own behind a single teen Alpha.

Of course, problem is Cora figures this out eventually as well, and begins building her own rival alliance among teens from Kali's pack and others, and it essentially becomes a race to get an alliance strong enough to topple Peter built first, before the other can make their move.

On Allison's side of things, she begins mentoring the younger teens that Scott picked out as being eyed by his Alpha as potential recruits. This involves teaching them archery at her house one weekend, only to then discover from Gerard's conversation with her parents that hunters recovered the arrow Allison had shot through Isaac's shoulder way back in the first chapter. They found blood on it, and are planning to use it to see if the person that blood belongs to is in the system at all. Which Isaac is, due to being in the foster care system, even if only nominally.

Feeling complicit and not ready to trust the werewolves yet but not willing to feel personally responsible for the death of someone she goes to school with, Allison alerts Scott to the danger. Which in turn leads to the pack under Peter's orders, like, breaking into the facility where the arrow and blood are being analyzed and destroy the sample before it can trace back to Isaac and from there, the rest of them by association.

Problem is, its Matt's first official 'outing' on a werewolf mission and he decides to revel in his newfound power by killing a guard. Welcome to Team Blue Eyes, Mattie. That didn't take long. Not that anyone is surprised, but Scott is a bit screwed by it. Because now Allison is furious and retreating from their slowly building alliance/relationship because she feels guilty that her information led to someone getting killed by a werewolf and thinks she never should have shared her intel even though Scott tries to stress that he had no control over Matt and could do nothing to stop it.

So that kinda puts a roadblock in the Scallison that takes time to work past, though it will of course get worked past.

Meanwhile elsewhere, Peter's plans for turning more freshmen are delayed when Cora and Scott both feel pressed to alert him of a surprising development at Beacon Hills High before the other tells Peter first. Suddenly there are two new werewolves at school - albeit very nervous, scared and confused werewolves - and they aren't transfer students. Someone turned two of their classmates, Tracy and Josh, and that someone was NOT Peter. So now Peter is outraged because someone is turning people in his territory which is a clear challenge from another Alpha, and he wants to know who. Which leads to Erica and Boyd being assigned to tail the new wolves and see who they lead back to.....as well as both Scott and Cora, by now accelerating their efforts to build up support for their positions both inside and outside of the pack, like both of them now make plays to get Erica and Boyd from the No Man's Land they've been residing in, and get them to finally pick a side between the two rivals for Peter's Alpha crown. With the information they glean from following the two new surprise werewolves being vital to both Scott and Cora's plans.

The Alpha in question turns out to be Deucalion, who is back in the area after years away where he seemed uninterested in werewolf politics, but now seems to be intent on building up a new pack for himself across multiple Alphas' territories in earnest.

Meanwhile meanwhile, Scott has started to worry about where Theo's loyalties actually lie, as Boyd informs him that part of what's kept him from throwing in with Scott is Boyd keeps his nose to the ground to stay very informed on what's what and keep abreast of what everyone else is doing at all times - Boyd is very big on the idea that knowledge and thus information is power - so Boyd has been paying more attention to Theo than even Scott has lately, given how much Scott's got going on at the moment. And Theo's been making some moves of his own that have Boyd distrustful of just how much Scott ACTUALLY has his loyalty, and thus Boyd is wary of hitching his wagon to the prospective Alpha who is perhaps not as well or thoroughly supported as he thinks he is, or is counting on being.

So Theo being Theo will complicate matters considerably. Note that I don't go with unnecessarily evil Theo ever, as that's boring, but I always fuck with absolutely and necessarily self-interested and amoral Theo because that's anti-boring. So Theo's not out to screw Scott just to screw him (well not THAT way at least), but Theo is big on covering his bases and he's contemplating making his own bid for power because he's not sure he trusts that Scott can pull this off and Cora's not an option given that he HAS until now been Team Scott in all visible ways, so he's seeking....other options. Just so he can have the most possible options and vet them thoroughly before deciding on a course of action, naturally.

The big tipping point to all of this will come when someone betrays Scott to some hunters and leads to him being captured and identified as a werewolf by some hunters loosely affiliated with Allison's family.....and Allison makes her choice here for good and risks everything to rescue Scott which might involve someone dying. Not a main character. But uh, there definitely is some dying and it makes Allison and Scott both feel things like guilt, regret, self-recrimination and also "I did what I did and that's that about that" with only like 60% of that being bravado to cover up omg I have no idea what I'm even doing anymore.

In order to find somewhere for Scott to recuperate that is not her house, because lol duh, and is not Scott's house, because Peter lol duh, a desperate Allison ends up looping in Lydia, Danny, Jackson and Stiles, and enlisting their help in hiding Scott at Lydia's lakehouse until he recovers. This leads to them all finally being in the know and uncomfortably allying with Isaac and some other werewolf members of Team Scott, who are of course furious at the betrayal of any werewolf giving up one of their own to hunters, let alone Scott.....which leads to the twins making a surprise shift in allegiance, because they think Cora was behind the hunters finding out and that's too far for them. It was NOT in fact Cora, but it might have been someone ON Team Cora who thought they were doing what Cora would have wanted them to do. And by might have I mean definitely and also they were Not Correct in their assumptions about what Cora would want. She and Scott are rivals and she's an antagonist here but she's not evil or even as bloodthirsty as she pretends to be for appearances, but she like Theo is looking out for number one and what she believes is best for what remains of a Hale pack, any Hale pack.

Other stuff happens, Liam does get turned, Mason gets his druidic knowledge on because that's a Trope that no Kalen story will ever be without, and the ultimate showdown between teens and asshole adult werewolves will end with Scott True Alpha level-upping but Peter definitely will still die as will several other Alphas and Scott is not the only teen who ends up an Alpha at the end of things though each teen Alpha will for now go their own way with their own pack made up of kids from the two teen wolf alliances. There will be confrontations with the hunters before the end too, beyond just rescuing Scott from the NPC hunters who are destined for Demiseville, population them, but the hunters will not be 'totally defeated' in as much as that's even a possibility, and the story was always meant to end with the McCall pack and some human allies taking to the road to find somewhere else to establish a territory and build their strength (and graduate high school) before making a full stand against hunters.

Backstory is meant to be filled in all the way through, with a focus on Scott and Derek's not-at-all-like-canon relationship as for the first year or so after Scott was turned, Derek was still around and did his best to help guide and teach Scott while acting as a buffer against his uncle which Scott greatly appreciated and his thoughts of 'fuck you Derek' should be taken as unreliable narration and mostly just cynical humor cuz he misses him. With said backstory reveals culminating in the eventual shocker of how Derek died (surprise, it was Peter in the parlor with the backstabbing and also candlestick), Cora finding out, cue Cora Not Being Very Pleased With Uncle Peter At The Moment, Actually, and like....other shenanigans are had.

Also also there may be a road trip involved at the veeeeeery end, that involves the mysterious box Peter traded something to Ennis for, which may or may not be magic and resurrection-oriented, but also definitely is both those things and aimed at a grand finale of teen Derek rising from mystical waters being like "who the fuck are you" at Scott who smiles and says "we're brothers."

And that's what you missed on Glee.

[itsuki-minamy]

“K - THE FIRST STORY”

CHAPTER 7: THE BLUE KING (Complete)

* K - The First Story (List of Chapters) * Projects & Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

When he woke up as the "Blue King", Munakata's first impression was "I see."

He understood it and became convinced that he was a "king". There was no shame or fear.

Since he was little, he had been thinking about who he was and what he should do.

It can be said that the confusion has cleared up after becoming the "Blue King". Munakata, who was wondering who he was, found a way out when he received the answer: "I am the King."

After becoming "king", he was not mistaken for anything. Even if something doesn't go according to plan, it doesn't upset his emotions and, as an "event that didn't go as expected," he figures out where it should fit and puts things on top in an orderly fashion.

Just except that man is involved.

Munakata was sitting in a tea room set up in his office and thinking about it.

He wondered if he was confused now.

Certainly he is a bit confused. When his emotions are altered, Munakata calmly analyzes his spirit.

Now, in the basement of "Scepter 4", finds the "Red King" Suoh Mikoto. At the moment, the suppressor's hand of different ability is still, but it amounts to a rest. His intention was to stay there.

Yes, if he really wants to stop the royal authority, the royal authority itself must continue to lay down with all its might. Interestingly, as Suoh playfully put it, he stayed for 14 hours. However, even if it was done, Munakata and Suoh's powers are almost the same. It is impossible for Munakata to always beat Suoh, and it is only an act that increases the risk of the swords of Damocles falling.

So, what to do?

Before the red clan finds the "Colorless King" who is Totsuka Tatara's assassin, Munakata must find him first. What will happen to the Weissman deviation from the "Red King" who would have lost the brunt of the revenge? And how likely is it that the man will quietly stop exercising his power and choose a way to hide, even if it is a grain of sand? It is unknown if he is or not, but at the moment there was no other way to do it.

There are other ways, except for Suoh Mikoto's survival condition. However, Munakata has no intention of giving up.

He will not die and, of course, no innocent will die, and the case will be solved. He keeps thinking and acting because of it. It was because he judged that he was "the right thing" as the "Blue King", and at the same time, because of the personality of the human being named Reisi Munakata.

Munakata exhales slowly and opens his eyes.

When Munakata reached for a tea utensil to calm his mind and make tea, the office door was hastily slammed.

"Captain! The Yuishiki (Wisdom) System" once again caught the alleged assassin of Tatara Totsuka!"

Enomoto, a member of the special task force, reported with a short breath. Munakata lifts his eyes with an "Oya."

"The suspicious child is still moving while he was caught in "Yuishiki's" surveillance net several times after being caught passing from the school side to the mainland side under the connecting bridge of Ashinaka High School!"

"Is he still hiding at Ashinaka High School? Awashima-kun reported that the suspect did not belong to the school, but even though he was not a student, he made Gakuenjima a hiding place. Is there any reason why he could?"

"What about you, Captain?"

Munakata got to his feet quickly.

"It's a dispatch. Let's set up a siege net so the suspect won't notice it. Keep the suspect in a place that doesn't involve the general public, not even in battle. Fushimi-kun will be in charge of personnel. Awashima-kun She was scheduled to go home today, so sorry, call her back as an emergency."

"Understood!"

Enomoto greets him and hurries.

Munakata looked out the window. The rain washes the window pane and the other side sinks into darkness.

"A mysterious boy. Let me show you your true identity."

Munakata pulled up his glasses and stood alone, adjusted his shoes and left the office.

++++++++++

He couldn't see the downcast boy, and he said something to cheer him up.

As he looked at the boy, who seemed to have recovered a bit, Kuro gently touched the sheath of the "Kotowari" sword entrusted to him by his master, Ichigen Miwa, with his left hand.

It is true that he cannot kill him until it is determined if the new "Colorless King" is good or bad. Ichigen Miwa would never punish based on suspicion.

But more than that, Kuro knew that he had placed himself on this boy's shoulders. Seeing the confused and trustworthy boy, he wanted to be purely useful.

If, after investigating the truth, it turns out that the boy is really the culprit and has lost his memory, could he kill him?

(Ichigen-sama. I will keep my promise. I am prepared to carry out the mission that Ichigen-sama gave me to the end, even if it costs my life.)

But this guy... at least this guy in front of him, he's not evil. Even if this boy's past may be that of a sinner, now that he is anxious because he cannot understand his past and his true identity, he is an ordinary person who loves and appreciates his friends.

(Will I be able to find the true identity of this boy's past, and if it turns out that he was evil, can I forget his appearance in front of me and cut him off? I wonder if I am a mature and weak-hearted person who thinks about such things. Ichigen-sama…)

He wanted an answer from Ichigen Miwa and he wanted to press the button on the tape recorder.

However, at that moment, a strong light fell on Kuro and the boy.

Suddenly, the strong white light hit his eyes, and Kuro covered his face with his arms. At the same time that they knew that the night lights were all on at once, they realized that they were surrounded by darkness.

"God of the night sword, Kuro! And his accomplice!"

A woman's voice with a clear pitch flew through the speaker.

A stretched-back woman, dressed in a blue uniform, stood at the edge of the stadium with members who seemed to be her subordinates. "Scepter 4", Lieutenant Awashima Seri.

"We are 'Scepter 4'! According to Article 2 of the Special Phenomenon Management Act, we will take them into custody!"

Awashima holds up a PDA and projects his "Scepter 4" membership card into the air with a hologram to prove his identity.

"Wel,l uh... I don't know what's going on, but I'm sorry..."

"We refuse!"

After being dragged away and interrupting the boy who apologized for not understanding the meaning, Kuro said that out loud.

Awashima must have expected resistance as a matter of course. As soon as she stepped on the procedure, she changed the air she was carrying for a combative one and touched the handle of her sword.

"Everyone, draw your swords!"

Under Awashima's command, the members of "Scepter 4" lined up in a row draw their sword one after another.

"Awashima, batto."

The sword that carries blue light is gently drawn. The spirit that overflowed from Awashima's body was a bit different from the other members. Feeling that it was quite well done, Kuro was ready. He takes a step forward to hide the restless boy behind him.

Defeat Awashima while he protects the boy and breaks the siege of other members of "Scepter 4." The world was distorted when Kuro was slightly frowned upon under difficult conditions.

When he realized it, the view of the stadium had disappeared, and Kuro and the boy were in the middle of the jumbled intersection in front of Shizume Station.

"What's going on...?"

The boy leaked a confused voice. The empty night stadium suddenly became a crowded city during the day. It seems like he was dreaming during the day, but if he looks closely, he can see that there are members of "Scepter 4" behind the crowd, and they are also surprised and confused. If it is a "dream", then the city scene he is looking at is a dream.

Kuro remembered this feeling, chasing the boy in Gakuenjima and being teased by Neko.

Kuro was at the mercy of the illusions that were unleashed one after another.

So this is it.

Neko ran in from the other side before Kuro searched her. The boy rolls his eyes at her.

"Oh, Neko."

Neko emerges from the crowd, shaking her long hair and exposing her naked and white body, just like when they first met. She quickly took the boy's arm and ran to guide him. Kuro also followed them silently and ran through the crowd.

A phenomenon like they suddenly moved to a different place, "Scepter 4" was confused by the appearance of a large number of ordinary people, this was a perceptual interference caused by a person with abilities, and it seems that they realized that the people passing by were not real human beings.

The members lined up at the place where the exit "should be", and began to put a shield with their blue power to not let the boy escape.

"The exit is over there."

He consults with Neko.

"Yes! Beyond that blue boy!"

After that, she turns into a kitten to make it easier to escape. Kuro gave a visual cue to the boy, jumped up alone and knocked down the members who raised the shield.

No matter what fallen limbs they were, Kuro ran in the direction that seemed to have a way out. The boy and Neko also immediately follow Kuro.

However, a blue slash attack passed in front of him as if he was going, and Kuro, who was running in front, took a step forward and stopped. Immediately the blade of the sword passes over the tip of his nose.

The blue bar was sharp and straight. There was a deep straight crack in the concrete, but it was not destroyed. It was a sharp force that accurately pierced only the target.

Kuro turns towards the direction the bar was released. As expected, Awashima was holding her sword.

"I'll take care of this! Go protect your place!"

Awashima gives the instructions while she looks at Kuro. The fallen limbs quickly recovered and attended.

After all, it seems that the fight is inevitable, and Kuro took an offensive stance, holding "Kotowari's" sheath with his left hand. Behind the scenes, the boy's annoying breathing sounds.

"Back off."

Amid the phantom crowd, Kuro confronts Awashima.

Whether the woman with the sword is standing or the man with the sword is holding it, the phantom passersby walk without worrying about it. Kuro disappeared from his consciousness.

"Draw your sword, I don't care."

Awashima makes a cheering gesture with her jaw, as he keeps his sword in his sheath. But Kuro doesn't move.

"This sword is not to cut you."

"If so, you will be cut off by someone like me!"

Awashima closed the distance in one step. The distance between the two instantly disappeared, and Awashima's sword, radiating a blue glow, pierced the place where Kuro stood. Kuro jumped at that moment. He kicked the surface of the street with his landing foot and Kuro made his way to Awashima. He didn't draw his sword, but he swung a fist with Colorless power. The opponent is a strong fighter. He shook the fact that she was a woman out of his head and shook his fist mercilessly, but Awashima squirmed and shook it.

Awashima, who flew up and took distance, fired another slash from a distance. The blade of blue light came flying, but during the period of the sword, the trajectory of the cut is changed by the power of spatial manipulation in the right hand.

It is a retreat.

Neither attack has reached the other yet. She didn't feel like losing, but there was something that was a bit difficult for Awashima as it was still a fist. It is not good to have a long-term battle.

Still, he had no intention of overtaking her. This sword cannot be drawn due to Kuro's circumstances.

That's something to scoop and shake only when Miwa's mission is accomplished.

Even though it was at Kuro's waist, it was not Kuro's sword, but Miwa Ichigen's sword.

++++++++++

As he listened to reports of what was happening inside the stadium, Munakata sipped relaxed tea.

Traveling to the assigned place in the specially equipped command vehicle is a good thing, as he can enjoy the tea he missed at the office. The field in the rain has a strange atmosphere.

The sound of the rain hitting the umbrella is not bad either.

"You are missing a deciding factor."

Fushimi said from inside the command vehicle. Munakata replied with a "Hm."

There is no distinction between private time and public time for Munakata. If the fights are every day, bedtime is for the well-being and order of the greatest number of people. Members who know the nature of Munakata are no longer surprised that Munakata brews tea and drinks on site.

"Please go to work now."

He is not surprised, but Fushimi says that with a slightly displeased voice. Munakata said "Hm." Again.

The situation inside the stadium that can be heard is quite interesting.

A crowd that suddenly appeared, what appears to be an extraordinary sensory interference ability.

Awashima, who has the best sword skills of "Scepter 4" except for Munakata, and Kuro Yatogami, a vassal of the predecessor "Colorless King" who fights more than equal without drawing his sword.

And the boy who is suspected of killing Tatara Totsuka, who claims to be the new "Colorless King" protected by them.

The night sword god, Kuro, is unlikely to serve the new assassin king, even if the "Colorless King" has been replaced, even if the person with the unknown perceptual jamming skill is left behind.

Munakata also learned about Kuro Yatogami's story. He is a vassal called "loyal dog" who has sworn "allegiance" to Miwa Ichigen.

Why is he doing this? Was there any instruction from Miwa Ichigen in his life?

Munakata remembers the "Colorless King", Miwa Ichigen, that he once saw.

He was a kind man dressed in Japanese clothes. He seemed to be ill and had a dream related to it, but he also sported an aura that was more than compensated for. He had a mysterious dignity, a power opposed to violent power, it can be said that his figure generated confidence.

The unique power of that "King" was "prediction". Certainly, he was an impressive person with eyes that looked through everything.

"I wonder if this situation was also foreseen."

Munakata muttered, carefully placed the empty tea bowl on the floor and stood up.

++++++++++

Awashima's cut was intercepted by Kuro.

Awashima began to show annoyance at Kuro, who continued to deflect the attack when he was slimy from space manipulation.

She can feel the movement of the muscles throughout her body, the blue light that envelops her body becomes brighter and the hand holding the sword gains more power.

Along with the exhalation of smoke, she put force on the blade and launched a cut through space.

"This is not a problem!"

The blue bar turned into a grid and attacked Kuro. In a deadly attack similar to a throwing net, Kuro also put his luck in his right hand.

Attacks with such a wide range are difficult to deflect from the trajectory.

He extended the power of the colorless extraordinary ability in his right hand in a way that made the palm huge, caught the bar in a grid shape from the front, and canceled it later with a countermeasure.

With that impulse, Kuro kicked the ground.

When he gets close to Awashima, who had a gap right after launching a big move, he tries to punch with her.

The color of his mind changed.

Horribly, Kuro stopped moving.

A blue sword hovered over the ghost town of Shizume.

A mysterious, majestic giant sword that is made of mineral, but has an organic atmosphere.

"The sword of Damocles!"

The landscape around the sword began to distort into blue like a paralyzed image. The blue distortion constantly spreads around the sword and erodes the world of lies created by Neko.

Slowly, a man walked under the sword.

He was approached by a man with glasses and a fearless smile, with a blue light pouring out of his body. He was a man with beautiful eyes, but there was a terrifying horror hidden behind his eyes.

Kuro took a deep breath and involuntarily stepped back and braced himself.

The "Blue King" Reisi Munakata.

Munakata approached in front of Awashima and stopped.

"Thank you for your hard work. Thanks to you, I was able to understand the situation."

"Huh."

"Let's go to work, because Fushimi-kun is loud."

Munakata's bottomless eyes turned to Kuro, the boy, and Neko in the form of a kitten that the boy is holding in his arms.

Munakata looks at them with interest for a while, then laughs and takes a step forward.

As soon as Munakata's foot stepped on the surface of the street, a blue distortion spread out from under Munakata's foot. He repaints the surface of the street blue with the force of the water that overflows and spreads suddenly and spreads through the air. The "correct world" appears from the blue distortion.

The scrambled intersection at Shizume disappears into a wet lawn, and the clear daytime sky turns into the rainy night sky.

Neko, the kitten the boy was holding, turned into a human girl.

"Nya!"

Neko, who has reverted to her original form, hides behind the boy as if she is scared to see Munakata's figure.

"I see, there is an unknown third person involved, a Strain? It exerts a force in a specific area centered on itself, and interferes with the perception and recognition of humans in it at the same time and manipulates it freely. It is a dangerous ability."

Munakata quickly raised a hand. The bustling and bright city of Shizume, which had been disappearing, completely disappeared, and returned to the original stadium at night when it was raining.

The members who gained power with the appearance of the "King" set out to capture the boy.

Before the swordsmen, the boy raised both his hands to show them that he was not harmful to them. Neko next to him, she imitates him without knowing why.

"Um... do you want to join us?"

The boy said that looking at Kuro.

Kuro makes his expression steep and takes off the unpleasant situation in front of him.

The "Blue King". He is not an opponent that he can fight and win against. However, it is difficult for three people to escape. Neko's ability is effective for subordinate clansmen, but not for the "Blue King".

However, if only members other than a "King" are involved, there is a strong possibility that they can escape with Neko's power.

Kuro rolled his eyes on one of the subordinates.

"I'll stop him. You defend yourselves."

The boy made a confused voice, but Neko showed an understanding demeanor. This guy is stupid, but he's such an easy-going guy that he doesn't refuse what is important. Assuming he could take the boy and escape, Kuro quickly glanced at the members blocking the exit.

He activated his extraordinary ability, grabbed the head of one of the two limbs blocking the exit and used his ability to withdraw his body from the exit immediately. The member whose head was grabbed by the strange hand, was thrown against the other.

"Let's go!"

The breakthrough has opened. The boy was still confused, but Neko grabbed the boy's hand without hesitation and ran out the exit made by Kuro.

Kuro stood in a position to protect the exit where the two of them came out on their backs, and looked at the colorful limbs at a glance. Awashima calmly orders her subordinates outside to block the entrance passage.

Munakata was smiling an amused smile.

"I see. So you chose to sacrifice yourself."

As if swallowed by Munakata's intimidating feeling, Kuro inadvertently grabs the handle of the sword.

"The celebrated sword, "Kotowari"."

Munakata narrowed his eyes and looked at the sword at his waist that Kuro touched.

"The seventh king, the 'Colorless King', the sword of Miwa Ichigen. It is a good idea to cut me with this sword, but you decided never to take it out except to fulfill Miwa's mission."

However, ashamed of himself that he lost his temper and touched the handle of the sword, Kuro removed his hand from the sword and attacked Munakata.

The attack was evaded without raising an eyebrow.

The lower part of the palm, which was stretched over and over without rest, could be easily avoided. Munakata, who was still in a position with his hands folded behind him, even seemed to be waiting for the moment to remind him, watching the childish ruckus.

Munakata's room for maneuver increases Kuro's impatience and increases the number of attacks to desperately eat him.

When the bottom of his palm, which was pointed at his jaw, cut across the sky, his cheeks stretched. His face was fine, so he hit it with a flat hand.

Instead of punching, a slap that does not recognize the other as an opponent fighting on an equal footing damages self-esteem more than the cheek.

Gently biting his back teeth, Kuro jumps up. Munakata avoided the spinning kick that tried to hit him and dodged it with minimal movement, and grabbed Kuro's head that was landing with his palm.

"Did you get it? I'm saying you still lack."

Putting strength into the hand that grabbed his head, Kuro feels pain when he seems to hear the sound of the piercing of his skull. He suddenly tried to reach for the sword again. He heard Munakata say satisfactorily: "Okay."

He realized what he was trying to do and stopped his hand.

Munakata frowned at the scene.

"You are an indistinguishable child."

From under Munakata's palm, Kuro stands up.

As if to shake himself off, Kuro shakes his head with all of his might. He could easily remove her hand from him. No, he was separated.

Is he playing or testing him?

Gritting his teeth, Kuro challenges Munakata again. He slaps the palm of his hand, fires a kick, and keeps shaking, biting and killing the sense of helplessness that seems to sprout, whether Munakata's move doesn't crack one bit, or there is a gap.

Munakata removed the sword from his waist and swung it slightly like a guard stick to attack Kuro. Kuro puts the scabbard on the protruding arm and moves it, grabs the kicking leg.

At the moment when Kuro was slightly unbalanced, Munakata, who turned around slightly, hit him hard with the sword sheath.

Even though it didn't seem like he had put much effort into it, the blow was strong, choking Kuro's breath and his spine screaming at him. He managed to drop it.

"You can't help being so stubborn."

Speaking in a sighing voice, Munakata seemed to give up on Kuro drawing the sword from him and turned to attack. He used the sword that was still in the sheath to push it out, and used the tip and body of the sword to throw it where Kuro avoided it.

His world spun around and he slammed into the damp ground without being passive. He jerked to his feet, lost his sense of balance for a moment, swallowed the ironic blood that had spilled from his mouth just now.

"God of the night sword. Let's finish the game here."

For Munakata, it was just a play.

He didn't reward him, but he didn't throw it away, and Kuro took off Munakata and rushed in with a loud voice.

"I refuse!"

With power in his right hand, he struck head-on. Munakata stood upright and no longer tried to dodge it. Just before Kuro's fist reached Munakata, Munakata moved only his right hand. He defeated Kuro's attack with his sword sheath with a thin layer of blue power.

He could see the black night sky as he flew out and raindrops kept falling. The view changed, and this time the green grass moved closer to his eyes and slid away as he rubbed his face against the ground.

Shortly after getting up, he felt weight and pain on his back. Munakata's boots were trampling on Kuro's back from above his arms that were spinning behind him. His internal organs were compressed and an involuntary voice leaked out.

"Well, let's move on to the main topic."

Munakata said that with a calm voice that he couldn't believe he was trampling on people.

"You stayed to face me. It's a wonderful personal sacrifice. Is that boy the Lord you serve now?"

Kuro lowered his head and didn't reply.

"The "Colorless King". The seventh and weakest "King". Although he is not a powerful entity in himself, he is a clown "King" who has the property of controlling the balance of power between "Kings". In other words, one of the most vigilant for me. That boy is the new "Colorless King" who replaces Miwa."

Munakata leaned over and approached Kuro, touching the back of his neck.

"Please answer."

The hand that touched Kuro's head is full of power. Kuro was small.

"My master Ichigen-sama said to examine it."

"Well, what is your decision?"

Intent on opening the gap, Kuro taps Munakata's foot on his back and leaps like a spring. However, the moment he turned to Munakata, Munakata's sword sheath calmly pierced Kuro's groove.

"Guh… No one will lay a hand on him until they can identify him."

"I see. That may be your intention."

The tip of the sword sheath pointed at Kuro's throat. Kuro didn't move, didn't change his expression and looked towards Munakata.

The sword at the throat twitched and Kuro's jaw lifted.

"As long as he maintains such a warm situation where he is neither good nor bad, you can join the guard as the 'Black Dog'. He couldn't ask for a stronger worse. It's easy to fool yourself and the people around you with that Strain girl. We may be in on that boy's trick. Don't you think?"

For some reason, Kuro felt a bit weird.

His whole body hurt a lot. He has the feeling that he is doing it, he is protecting him until he is in that state.

"That could be it. The only things that come out of his mouth are lies and a constant laugh. That's the kind of person he is."

"Is it worth risking your life for such a man?"

Kuro relaxed his expression and smiled a selfish smile.

His job is to identify it and he cannot give it to "Scepter 4". That's true, but it doesn't make sense that Kuro himself is restricted by "Scepter 4". After all, he realized that he believed him and protected him because of his personality.

Kuro opened his mouth to reply.

The lights shining in the stadium suddenly went out and darkness fell before Kuro spoke a word.

++++++++++

The boy was dragged by Neko and ran down the hall of the stadium. The members of "Scepter 4" who come to catch them are defeated by Neko's illusion, and Neko's detection ability finds a path without people and points to the exit.

Escape, escape.

(Oh I'm just running away.)

Escaping from "Homura", escaping from Kuro, escaping self-suspicion, escaping from facing the truth and trying to surrender, and now again, he is leaving Kuro where he's trying to escape from.

(Are you running away?)

Feeling scolded by someone, the boy stopped.

"Shiro, hurry!"

Neko rushed over, turning to the boy who stopped and stopped moving.

"I'm sorry, Neko. After all, I can't escape."

"Why?!"

The boy turned to Neko.

"Neko. Please help me. I will return to rescue Kuro. With your cooperation, I am sure I can do it."

You are a director. Do you understand the production? It's about decorating and coming up with various things to make it look "like this." Even if you are not strong, you must be strong, and if you are not a king, you must do your best to look like a king.

The boy told Neko like that and told him his strategy.

First, he turns off the stadium lights. He really didn't have to turn it off, because he didn't have time to search for a power source. Neko's power made it seem like there was no electricity.

Next, the boy appeared in the public seats of the stadium with a small emission of light. This emission of light is also Neko's power. All the people with mysterious powers are glowing in various colors, so she decided to make the boy glow as well. She enveloped him in a colorless light.

From the public seats in the high place, he can see the stadium.

Kuro looked hurt, holding on weakly, his clothes ripped and kneeling. The hair that he was always tied up is also frayed and falling out.

The boy frowns when he realizes that he has caused an unreasonable battle.

Among the members of "Scepter 4" who were upset when the lights went out, Munakata stared at the boy without moving.

"Oh, did you forget something?"

"Idiot! Why did you come back?!"

Kuro, who started to get up in a hurried voice, was knocked down by the sheath of Munakata's sword and fell to the ground. He looked painful and the boy frowned.

"Oh, I guess I can't abandon my friends, right?"

The boy smiled as he scratched his head, Munakata raised the edge of his mouth in a laugh and pulled up his glasses.

"I see, so you shared your destiny again. What a noble gesture, but it doesn't make sense."

"No, it's not that it doesn't make sense."

"What?"

The boy clasps both hands imitating the movement of thanking for the food.

"Kuro, I'm sorry! I've been lying to you! Actually, this is who I am!"

The boy slowly releases the combined hands. Then, a small sword-shaped illuminant appeared between the boy's hands, as if it was a substitute for a business card.

As it grows, it rises upward, becoming a powerful sword and shining brightly on the boy.

Everyone in the place looked at the sword with a shocked face.

The Sword of Damocles Colorless.

(It's false.)

"Kuro... can you hear me?"

While everyone's conscience was focused on the boy's sword of Damocles, the boy borrows Neko's ability to speak with Kuro's conscience. It is a pseudo-telepathy that makes Kuro recognize that "the boy is speaking directly to his head".

"From now on, I will make a momentary hole in the 'Blue King'. Follow him and flee the place."

The boy smiled and unleashed the vibration of "King" power from his body.

Munakata erased the fringe of his expression and developed blue power with a serious face. To receive the boy's power, he turns his palm towards the boy and focus the power on it.

However, the moment the boy's power and Munakata's power came into contact, Munakata looked on suspiciously.

Kuro correctly captured that moment. He jumped from under Munakata's legs onto his back and struck Munakata's side with his fist.

The blow went straight to Munakata, who was aware of the boy. He didn't stagger, but his glasses flew off.

From the place where the glasses fell to the ground, Kuro ran out and slipped between the stunned and useless members.

The boy took a breath. Then the boy's body disappears as if he is melting in the night breeze. The boy who appeared in front of the people from "Scepter 4" was a ghost made by Neko. The real boy would hide behind the public seats and observe a number of situations. He exchanged a quiet "high five" with Neko who was hiding next to him, and we also began to move to escape.

He went through the passage of the stadium while he hid with the power of Neko. As he ran, he heard the sound of destruction and the voices of various men. The boy turns his foot in that direction.

"Kuro!"

Sure enough, he saw Kuro running while he defeated the members of "Scepter 4."

When Kuro notices the boy, he stops and waits for the boy and Neko to catch up.

Kuro's appearance seen in the immediate vicinity seemed to be more damaged than when he saw him from a distance, and the boy tried to hold his breath and say thanks and apologize.

However, Kuro controls the boy who is about to open his mouth and turns to the front.

"Save the talk for later. Let's go."

"Yes."

"Nya!"

It was not difficult to break the siege without the "Blue King" and the main force.

They escaped the stadium, shook off their pursuers, and finally stopped and breathed into the back alley away from the scene.

Kuro staggered a bit and knelt like a broken thread.

"Hey, hey, are you okay?"

"It's nothing serious. I'll be back in two minutes."

The boy was in a hurry, but Kuro said that in a calm voice.

Maybe "Scepter 4" is also closing in on the police, the sirens of police cars have been heard for a while.

The three of them were silent for a while in the dark and gloomy alleys, bathed in unstoppable rain.

The boy looked up at the sky. The sky seen from the back alley was like a thin, unreliable crack. The falling raindrops reflected the light that filtered through the building's windows and sometimes sparkled.

The boy caught the raindrops on his face and turned around looking into their eyes.

The three of them ate a delicious breakfast prepared by Kuro and a lunch box. He thought he could prove his alibi. He found a bloody shirt. Kukuri told him that she didn't know him. He did not have a family home. He lost sight of Isana's existence, the one he believed in. He was cornered by the "Blue King", but Kuro protected him. He knew what he could do with Neko's power.

The boy lowered his eyebrows and smiled. He spoke gently to Neko to show her that he had no intention of blaming her.

"You know, Neko… you were great a while ago."

Neko shook her shoulders in surprise. She looked down with an anxious and crying face.

"The people in blue were amazing, but the sky suddenly cleared up, the landscape around me changed and a lot of people came out. And you helped us."

"What do you mean?"

It's not always how Neko wants it, she said that quietly and backed away.

The appearance of being afraid of something makes him want to leave it as it is. But the boy can no longer escape.

"The 'Blue King' talked about how you can interfere with people's senses, was that what he was talking about?"

"It's not just about hallucinations and hearing. She can even manipulate memories."

Kuro was silent for a moment and slowly stood up.

"What do you mean?"

"This girl can implant false memories in your mind, making people you just met believe that they are old friends."

The boy came to mind, all the faces of the friends he made in Gakuenjima. They kindly called him "Shiro", shared the side dishes from the lunch box and laughed together.

Although he was a friend, Kukuri said on the phone that she did not know the boy. That was true of Kukuri, who had fallen outside of Neko's range of abilities.

"Oh... I see. I understand. The story finally connected... So, Neko."

The boy turned to Neko with a smile on his face.

"It's like my amnesia, heal it a bit. Then it will be clear if I am the bad king they are chasing, right?"

Kuro was pleased that he led the way to the truth, but he remained bumpy, then said...

"If you are found to be the evil 'King', I will kill you on the spot."

"Well... that's correct."

"It's life threatening. Why don't you think about it and calm down a bit?"

"I'm calm. I…"

The sound of rain is strengthened. For some reason, Kuro had a confused look.

"It's okay to talk about the matter after we've escaped from this place for now..."

The boy smiled bitterly. He seems like he is a kind person who tries to give the boy an escape route, even though he is trying to find out. Honestly, he is happy for that kindness. However, he already felt that he had "escaped" enough. He thought that he shouldn't run away anymore.

"I'm tired of it. For the moment, this place is for the moment. Even if I extend the conclusion as usual, there is no way forward. If I don't clarify it here and now, I'm not going anywhere."

Ever since he met Kuro, he has been engulfing himself in smoke. However, Kuro continued to face the boy seriously. He should reward that honesty. The boy said in his own words, the conclusions he had drawn seriously and his feelings.

"I don't know what kind of person I was originally, and no matter what I did in the past, I feel like now I have to take responsibility."

"What good words… they don't fit you."

The boy laughed.

Kuro's hesitation was only for a moment. The next time he looked at the boy, his eyes were full of determination. Kuro touches the handle of the sword.

"It's okay."

"Very good, everything settled. Do it, Neko."

The boy laughed as Neko cowered fearfully. Kuro also turns his serious eyes towards Neko.

"Undo your spell completely. No tricks."

Neko's eyes trembled.

++++++++++

Neko was confused. She was more confused and lost than ever.

Neko thought that she had "the power to really lie". Then, she with that power, she made the boy and the people around her believe in lies and she made them a "truth", and she stayed with the boy "like a white cat".

But Neko's lie didn't turn into "truth". The boy seems sad because the lie was still a "lie". He smiles at Neko, but the boy is really sad. Neko got it.

Neko has been alone the entire time. She has been wandering alone for a long time, so long that she cannot remember when she was a lonely stray cat.

It was a little better after she came to Gakuenjima and made it her territory. There weren't many people who bully cats and it was easy to steal food from the coffee shop. The man in the coffee shop would immediately get angry saying "thief", but even if he raised his fist, he didn't actually hit the cat.

If she doesn't want to anger him, she simply leaves the island and goes to the nearby cafe "Yamadaya", where usually goes to school people, and the cat-loving merchant helps her. Even the people of Gakuenjima were quite interesting to see. She also thought that everyone preparing for the festival was funny.

However, since Neko was a cat, she was alone looking at people who seemed to be having fun from outside. Even if the people there didn't intimidate Neko, she was scared, so she didn't want to get close to them.

Just the boy. Neko wanted to get closer to him, and stay by his side forever.

(But Shiro is sad, even though I am Shiro's cat. It would be difficult if he lost the "true". I can no longer hold on to a lie out of selfishness.)

Neko closed her eyes.

(I don't like Shiro being sad. Therefore, I will return the "true" before Shiro became Shiro.)

Neko banishes the false memories she implanted in Shiro.

It was a lie to be a student of Gakuenjima.

It was a lie to be friends with Kukuri and the others.

The boy's memories were also a lie. What Neko saw in Gakuenjima and what the boy's own memory related in a spongy way to make him look like this.

His name Isana Yashiro was also a lie.

Neko met the boy who had fallen from the sky.

That day was a cold night.

Gakuenjima was relatively safe and comfortable territory that Neko found during a long journey, but cold winter nights were no different than anywhere else, and Neko wanted a warm and soft bed. She got into the gym and curled up on the mat.

Suddenly, the roof of the gym cracked with a loud noise and something large fell.

Neko was amazed, jumped up and flew away.

It was a child who had fallen.

At the boy who fell on the gym mat, Neko panicked and lifted the hair from all over her body, curled her back and raised her ears and tail to look bigger, and puffed up her entire body.

The boy got up slowly. He lifted his half body onto the mat and looked mysteriously around him.

Whether it was a demon or a monster, Neko was even more intimidating.

"Hm? Hey… what about you?"

The boy spoke to Neko in a soft and somewhat relaxed voice, despite the ridiculous appearance of going through the ceiling and falling. He apologized to the intimidating Neko and lowered his eyebrows.

"Ah, were you surprised? I'm sorry."

The expression of the boy who scratched his head and smiled like he was in trouble was so gentle that Neko suddenly didn't know what to do.

The boy's eyes looking at Neko were deep and soft. Neko was confused by the eyes that seemed to absorb all of Neko's fear.

He was different from a cat-loving person (that scared her) that has a desire to stroke a cat all over her body. Her alertness melted and disappeared, his gaze seemed to catch Neko. Neko stopped threatening him and gently approached the boy's heart.

Neko's power begins when she touches the other person's heart. She touched his heart and assembled the parts and memories of him, giving it the shape she wanted.

There were many blank spaces in the heart that Neko touched, and in those spaces the feeling of "loneliness" rolled without protection. She felt that it was very similar to Neko's heart shape.

The boy looked at Neko with a kind smile.

Neko was afraid to approach the boy. The boy did not hesitate to approach, he just approached and showed his willingness to accept her.

Neko dares to jump onto the boy's arm. The boy took Neko and caressed her with a soft hand.

(Hot.)

The boy's hands were hot. It was someone else's temperature, which she felt after a long time.

In the gym at night, when the moonlight pierced through the perforated ceiling, the moment she felt the boy's body temperature, she felt as if were the two of them alone in the world.

The boy who made Neko recall his memory, was confused.

He certainly remembered the moment when he became "Isana Yashiro". It also means that the memory of him as "Isana Yashiro" started from that moment. He also remembered that he for some reason broke the roof of the gym and when he fell he ran into Neko.

However, the previous memory is still pure white.

"This is the end? What are my memories before this?"

"This comes first! Shiro fell from the sky!"

"It's over...?"

Kuro also seems confused.

"Wagahai found Shiro! Wagahai picked Shiro up! That's why Shiro's mine! Shiro's from Neko!"

Neko appeals with all her might from him. But she can't convince him here. What the boy needs is the truth before he becomes "Isana Yashiro".

"I wonder if I can remember what happened before Neko found me. I want to know that."

"So... will Shiro disappear somewhere? Will Shiro no longer be Shiro?"

Neko said that while being filled with anxiety.

However, the boy smiles. Isana Yashiro was a non-existent person. But still, the fact that Neko called him "Shiro" was not a lie. The boy's existence won't go away.

"Okay, because I'm Neko's Shiro, right?"

Speaking proudly, Neko smiled again.

"Then I'll try!"

The boy's body was exposed to strong winds.

The hem of the boy's hair and clothes were violently fanned by the cold, strong wind. It is a high place. He was in a very, very high place. The sky where the stars are scattered was near. The air felt thin. In such a place, the boy clung to somewhere with just his arm. Somewhere? Things that fly in the sky. It was not an airplane. It was not a helicopter. That was an airship. The boy barely clung to the floor of the airship's open hatch, his legs swinging in the air.

A great laugh was heard.

There was a man standing in the hatch, looking at the boy and laughing.

A white man with long silver hair blowing in the wind.

He looked at the boy with a distorted smile, lifted one leg slightly and kicked him.

"Goodbye."

The boy who was knocked down falls. He could hear the roar of the wind cutting off his ears. The silver-haired man quickly walked away, and when he thought that he could see the full image of the airship, it soon became smaller and farther away, the sky was far away, a tall building was reflected on the edge of the field of vision. He then he hit his back against something and broke it.

Suddenly, the boy opened his eyes.

The boy's consciousness, who made a brief journey through the memories, quickly regained his sense of reality. Whether in the cold air behind the rainy alleys or in the brief, but shocking memories he remembered, the boy winced.

"Now... who was he?"

Neko eagerly looked at the boy, and Kuro also turned his eyebrows and dropped his hand on the sword's handle.

"Shiro...?"

"What happened? Do you remember something?"

The boy couldn't answer immediately and looked at the sky silently. A ship "flying" crossed the narrow sky between the buildings.

++++++++++

Inside the airship, the man was humming a song.

The airship was quite comfortable. However, he lay down on the couch placed on the large floor and looked through the monitor.

Many photographs were projected on the monitor located on the ground.

"I wonder if the chaos has been reduced well."

Looking down at the ground, he laughed deep in his throat. When he rolled over on the couch and lay down, his long silver hair flowed softly from his shoulders and fell to the floor.

"But I don't like you, Isana Yashiro. Why are you still alive?"

The images on the floor monitor were of a boy with a red umbrella.

[magneticmage]

I'm in the mood for it (plus it's Disability Pride month) so here are all my disabled ocs;

Under cut for Length

Additional Notes; Please do not judge me too harshly. While I have a few of these disabilities (most notably PTSD, anxiety-depression, and visual impairments) myself and personally know people who have some others, every person and their experiences are unique. I try my best to give these disabilities the space and gravity they deserve in my writing, but it is difficult for ones that I have no personal experience with. In addition, I am still learning and only human. If I have done something wrong or phrased something badly at any point now or in the future, let me know and I will do my best to fix it/do better. Apologies for the abrupt disclaimer but there we go.

Anyways!!!!

On the the List!

RWBY;

Selene Argent=Has PTSD, one prosthetic eye, and some physical scars on face and torso. I'd safely say she counts.

Baldur's Gate;

Sable Shades=Is an albino and was rendered mute at birth. He sunburns extremely easily and is near-sighted. He also often communicates through sign language.

Roan Roarke=Beyond some minor PTSD symptoms (increased anxiety and stress levels) surrounding fires, he's perfectly fine.

Faenerys Elendir=Has PTSD from her time imprisoned particular involving whips and brands as torture implements.

Rune Mistsea=Post-lycanthropy encounter, he is notably more short-tempered around the full moon along with a distinct craving for meat and violence. Otherwise, nothing else of note.

Lucine Mistsea=Beyond a notable paranoia issue when it comes to demons and cambions (but not fellow tieflings), she's fine.

Lyr(e/a/an) Lovemoor=Autistic. Too much light and noise and surrounding activity is draining and makes them short-tempered with occasional blowouts/meltdowns. Has a Thing about certain textures (very much hates slimes and oozes and squishy things for this reason, likes silks and furs and leathers). Has a fascination for all things shiny and glittery (gems and currencies are a special interest). Also often fidgets with their daggers.

Saga Musehart=Was rendered blind due to torture at the hands of prison guards. She also lost a hand (initially) and a forearm (later due to infection) and wears a prosthesis.

Cei Gloomdraft=Autistic or at least neurodivergent of some kind. Might have some ADHD, it's not quite clear yet in the few pieces I've written so far to help develop her.

Mass Effect;

(Solo Shepard Canon)

Annette Shepard=Has some lingering PTSD symptoms from surviving a raid on Mindoir, then thresher maws in Akuze, and then being spaced at the beginning in Mass Effect 2. She also suffers from some survivor's guilt Post-Virmire due to losing Ashley, and then all of Mass Effect 3 puts such a huge burden on her that she's fighting off some severe depression and despair from all the losses. She's got an old war injury in her shoulder that acts up from time to time, occasionally making her biotics misfire a barrier. She's on immuno-suppressant drugs to prevent her body from rejecting her Cerberus-added cybernetic implants and upgrades, and also some antidepressants for depression and anxiety symptoms for said lingering PTSD symptoms. Girl's a walking disaster-fire mentally but she keeps on surviving and she still looks for the good in life as it comes, so there's that.

(Shepard Siblings)

Joanna=Like Roscoe and Riley, she's also on immuno-suppressants to prevent cybernetic implant rejection. Notably, she's the most well-adjusted of the three mentally, although the losses and struggles of ME 3 start to take their toll due to depression. She spends an awkward month on the Normandy adjusting to the new medication while adjusting the amounts needed. In addition, she also goes through a whole existential crisis come the Citadel DLC about if she is really Joanna Shepard or a clone (which Riley, Roscoe, and the Normandy crew snap her out of). Her survivor's guilt is much less pronounced than Riley's though she does start the early stages of a martyr complex (it's a source of frequent and well-humored debate between Riley and Roscoe if it was already there or not) about the of Thane's death. But she does her best and keeps on going.

Roscoe=Definitely mentally ill. He's got some trauma around abandonment that starts to get fully addressed around ME 2 in part due to Jack and Miranda and is mostly resolved around ME 3 though naturally scars remain. It often manifests as anger, depression, and even callousness. Like Joanna's and Riley, he is on immuno-suppressants to prevent the potential rejection of his cybernetics. He's also got an old wound from Torfan in his abdomen that acts up under stronger pressures like before a rainstorm or different gravity levels as well as drastic temperature changes such as cold (he HATES Noveria for that reason in particular though it isn't the only one, man). Beyond all that, he's very strong-willed and gives no fucks to shit.

Riley=Much like Annette except a bit more well-adjusted due to a larger support network and character drive. Has notable flashbacks/triggers around batarians, thresher maws (this one includes panic attacks once the direct danger has passed), and hardsuit complications (they always makes sure that their helmet and everything is in working and optimal order). Has survivor's guilt from their losses on Mindoir and Akuze but between meeting Talitha and Toombs in ME 1, they confront and deal with it, beginning to heal from it. Even on Virmire with the loss of Honora and all the failures of ME 3, they do better at handling it though it still remains to varying degrees. Like Joanna's and Roscoe (and Annette again), they're on immuno-suppressant drugs to prevent issues with their body rejecting the cybernetics, with the additional ones of antidepressants to help manage some of their anxiety-depression symptoms. They also have some degree of chronic pain (maybe some kind of cystic fibrosis?) due to past overuse of their biotics that damaged part of their nervous system and occasionally causes it to misfire for no reason, often causing intense pain. Rarely and only if the pain isn't treated with extensive biotics-free rest periods and numbing agents in the form of more pills, the biotics will manifest and they'll accidentally move shit around, including themself a few times. This is most notable in ME 3 due to the nature of the larger and longer combat sequences with shorter and shorter rest times between. Though they manage as best they can with the help of their crew and family, it is still a struggle and they notably stop joking about retiring when they're dead and seem to consider it more seriously around ME 3 but save the final decision for the end of the Reaper Wars.

(Shepard Family)

Honora Hartford=She had an eating disorder when she was younger that left some lingering issues with her health but overall she's fine up until her death.

Riley's deceased siblings were overall healthy though Payton had Down's Syndrome and Brooklyn had ADHD. Harley had moderate asthma and used an inhaler.

Clover has anemia quite often and takes iron pills daily

The rest of the Shepard cousins don't have any disabilities to much knowledge though I am still fleshing them out.

(Andromeda)

Sara and Scott Ryder have some lingering damage from their cryopod accident and the Kett leader fucking with them, but otherwise they are okay.

Asher has ADHD while Shiloh struggles with a mild form of chronic fatigue. Evander, Rebecca, and Lucas are all able-bodied.

Dragon Age;

(Fereldan Wardens)

Lynera Mahariel=Dunno if this counts, but am putting it here anyways since it affects her overall health. Occasionally suffers from a type of sleep paralysis that is mixed with night-terrors. It doesn't appear to have a rhyme or reason as to when it occurs beyond perhaps stress and it's only every few months. However, it often leaves her completely drained for at least a week afterwards. She also occasionally has insomnia post-terrors as well which she self-medicates with sleeping draughts. She also has crippling period pains that appear to be consistent with ovarian cysts on her left side (though she later has it removed by Catriona once it ruptures due to injury). She also suffers from bouts of depression during Origins but that could be due to the extenuating circumstances she was under at the time.

Isemaya Tabris=When overly stressed, being exposed to strong amounts of concentrated Taint in a short period of time, or sometimes simply for no apparent reason, she suffers from intense migraines that are often treated with herbal painkillers and lying still in a dark and quiet room. Also due to a past injury to her left eye by humans, she has a harder time seeing on that side but is not completely blind.

Catriona Surana=She seems to be autistic due to her ability and predilection to hyperfocus on various studies (often Blight and magic-related but other areas do occur) as well as her obliviousness to social cues (she didn't realize she was liked by her suitors until Cale outright told her and by then she had decided she liked them already). Notably, she adapts a bit better Post-Origins due to Alistair and Leliana's influences but it still happens.

Cale Amell=Had some minor amnesia surrounding the exact events leading to his magic manifestation but later learned it was because he had set his eldest brother Azul on fire and believed he killed him as Raven helpfully supplied (Azul had instead faked his death as Cale discovers around the time of Awakening).

Fion Cousland=Briefly suffers from a minor alcohol addiction but has treatment while he is still in the functional phase courtesy of Catriona. Since then, he heavily monitors his intake and even helps Oghren get treatment for his own. He also occasionally has painful muscle twinges due to an injury that stretches from his temple to his eye and ear down to his neck on the right side. This is most notable in bad weather or when he is sick.

Barran Aeducan=Suffered from a superiority-inferiority complex towards his siblings growing up though it has greatly lessened with time and experience. It is mostly gone by the time of Inquisition though prominent traces still remain.

Tatha Brosca=She is hard of hearing and has manged to cope by learning to lip-read (not always successful, however, especially with languages she is not familiar with) in Origins and a pair of hearing "horns" designed for her by an admiring Smith caste man by Awakening. She often jokes that now she has even more in common with her Bronto companion, Salroka, due to their shared horns.

(Origins)

Vireth Mahariel=Suffers from epilepsy and often treats it with various herbal remedies, though it is not completely effective and large amounts of intense stress on his body make it worse. He also begins to develop cataracts around the time of Act 2 of Dragon Age 2, though the cause is unknown (presumed genetics or simply age at the moment).

Elthorn Tabris=Has a stutter speech impediment.

Alaros Surana=Unknown at the moment as I haven't written too much about him.

The Amell Siblings=Probably doesn't count but Azul gets motion sickness, especially on boats. Raven, Carmine, and Reed are all perfectly healthy and fine, however the latter two are the ones I've written least at the moment. Marigold has asthma that she treats with herbs.

Aelynne Cousland=Nothing comes to mind. She does have some old injuries (mentally and physically) she acquired from the attack on Highever by Arl Howe that color her later interactions with the family during the Fereldan Civil War.

Valda Aeducan=Has a notable visual impairment that is corrected with glasses, albeit there is nothing to be done for her slight colorblindness (she has a hard type distinguishing between greys, greens, and blues).

(Orlesian Wardens)

Dion Caron=Suffers from sleep apnea that is eased by a special breathing herbal-incense infused mask he wears as well as whomever in his group is on watch to check on him periodically to ensure he still breathes (most often this is either Victoire-Ainsley or Garam). He also snores and coughs due to this. Loudly.

Victoire-Ainsley Caron=Nothing of note.

Isenna Andras=She's an albino and so burns and rashes in intense light and heat. She also has a lame leg that cannot be fixed with magic and so wears a reinforced brace to aid her walk. This creates a noticeable limp.

Garam Kader=Alcohol makes him sick and he suffered from intense gender dysphoria before paying a huge sum to have an ex-Tevinter magister turned fellow Warden help him transition.

(Hawkes)

Jasper, Skye, and Violet Hawke are perfectly healthy. Albeit with some diet restrictions due to various allergies.

Gray Hawke=He is diabetic and so often has to monitor his energy levels to ensure his health. It's part of the reason he doesn't actively endanger his life like his siblings (not that he won't, just less often in comparison). He acquires a truly impressive diet regime and treatment plan upon becoming a nobleman of the Amell family, allowing him much more freedom than before.

(Marquises)

Aurore and Marcel de Serault both suffer from mild hemophilia. Marcel also has a lyrium drug addiction he is trying to break (and is actually doing quite well via weaning himself off it) due to a brief stint as a Templar while serving the Chantry.

(Inquisitors)

Armashok Adaar=Poor eyesight that cannot be fully corrected by glasses and later loses an arm due to the Anchor. He also lost a few fingers and some right hand mobility due to pre-nquisition injuries as a mercenary. He also wears a brace on his left shoulder. He wears a prosthetic eye and replacement arm.

Ransley Trevelyan=Like Cullen, he is working on breaking his own lyrium addiction from his time as a Templar and, like the other Inquisitors, loses his arm due to the Anchor. He had it replaced with a prosthetic arm for his shield side.

Paeriel Lavellan=She loses an arm alongside all the other Inquisitors, but takes the loss much harsher due to her archery skills suffering. While she will wear a prosthesis in battle or when hunting, she doesn't wear it in her day-to-day life, instead preferring to make due as needed. She also has anxiety.

Naranka Cadash=She loses her Anchor-wielding arm and gains a crossbow-and-dagger prosthetic one courtesy of her Inner Circle, much to her delight. She also suffers from some damage to her reproductive tract due to past injuries and is uncertain if she could have children.

(Inner Circle)

Kara Adaar=Beyond an intense hatred of slavery due to being kidnapped and almost sold when she was younger before being rescued by her father, she's perfectly healthy. She does require bedrest for her periods though.

Emilyse Trevelyan=She suffers from some PTSD from her abuse at Templar hands in the Circle, though she begins to recover towards the end of Inquisition.

Samrel Lavellan=Has dyslexia and uses reading aids and memory devices.

Pyrmar Cadash=He might have some PTSD from his Carta days due to a notable cave-in that lasted for a few days before his rescue.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Your nan in? Janis: what? Jimmy: not a hard question, does she work weekends or what? Janis: stop trying to get with my nan, freak Jimmy: I'm trying to do nowt, our kid is Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby with a lewk on and some kind of gift for Libi because he's asking her out lowkey] Jimmy: so go on, she there or not? Janis: Aw Janis: where's he off to? Janis: I'm looking after Libi, dunno if it's classed as punishment or they just wanted to piss off out for the day that bad Jimmy: Asia's sister's having a 🥳🎂🎁 and he don't wanna go on his own Jimmy: last night were the first I heard Jimmy: so I said I'd ask if he can invite Libi out Janis: relatable Janis: wouldn't wanna face all those 🦷🦷 alone either Janis: I'll show her the 📸 sure she'll be pure buzzing Jimmy: it's alright for you I've gotta piss about and translate 'cause none of them can be bothered to learn how to talk to him Jimmy: not til 🕑 loads of time to put her 👗👠👑 on but he's been ready for ages Janis: I mean, glad they haven't just assumed they can shout really, really loud at him Janis: only cute when she does it, obvs Janis: but that's shit, Asia's gonna think you're hanging about to 👀 her, you know Janis: 👗👠👑 and everything Jimmy: I were 🤞 she wouldn't wanna be there surrounded by kids and that, but they probably are her mental age Jimmy: be a right laugh then, this 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 now I can convince the pair of them to go do something else Janis: they're weird about it Janis: great for the 'gram pretending you're bezzies with your little sisters Jimmy: the rest of the #squad gonna be there then? Janis: not 💀👑 or #2 I doubt Janis: maybe the others though Jimmy: I get it, they'd scare the kids Jimmy: float away if they grab a 🎈 Janis: with their combined BMI, no point pretending they wanna be future mummy bloggers Janis: 🩸🩸 pact it ain't Jimmy: sure Azerbaijan or whatever her name is, is gutted they ain't coming Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Auntie Mimi Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you got a 👗👠👑  there you can chuck on an' all? Janis: so nice of you to reckon I'm ready to step in to sign backup Jimmy: you know loads of insults, that's all the birthday girl ever has to say to him Janis: she must be unbearable Janis: Asia with less filter, some fucking how Janis: I can come with Jimmy: tah Jimmy: it were doing his head in 💭 what it might be like Janis: understandable Janis: kids are dicks Janis: but if everyone else is going, you don't wanna be the one who don't Jimmy: yeah, he weren't having that Janis: they'll have a good time Janis: providing he ain't 😳 to be seen with her Janis: she's putting on some kind of costume rn Janis: might need to 👍👎 Jimmy: he'll be chuffed Jimmy: if this party had been the other year with his mates from home he'd have put his own 👗👠👑 on Janis: Asia's probably dressed bday girl up in a matching 'fit with her Janis: lovely visual, not weird as fuck Janis: they'll be the most 😎 ones there, deffo Jimmy: I'm wrapping a weird doll with massive 👀 that looks like her on a night out rn Jimmy: [a picture] Janis: ✝️✝️✝️ Janis: gonna tell the hot priest to book that in after me Jimmy: sent a 🎁 list, her mini me, you ever heard of such a pisstake? Jimmy: mate, you're turning 7 Janis: bad enough when adults do it just 'cos they've decided to do the paperwork Janis: that's some bullshit Jimmy: she's such a little twat 🤞 Libi gives her the shit 🎅 treatment Janis: letting her bring her whatever tat she's picking up about the gaff Janis: go ahead, like Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: brb gonna go dress in all black like those dickheads who work puppets Janis: when are you not all in black though Jimmy: loads Janis: 🏫 don't count Janis: no choice Janis: or whatever the CG uniform is Jimmy: 1. I weren't on about school 2. you know what the uniform is, you've been in Janis: not committed it to memory like Janis: soz Janis: have to 💭 about Pete more, you're right Jimmy: you did 👀 at it enough, dickhead Jimmy: but I get it, my 👀 are up a bit from the apron Jimmy: very PG, you Janis: PC and PG Janis: 💔 Jimmy: good thing I've got you to rein me in at this bollocks party Janis: not a wet blanket Janis: but this party will probably be traumatizing enough so you're welcome anyway Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: she can stay at ours after if she wants, let you piss off and do something that ain't Janis: oh, yeah, cheers Jimmy: no bother Janis: if you ever need, he can come here Jimmy: take you up on that when this Sharon's gone and Ian's hanging about 💔🎻😭 Janis: a new one? Janis: or is xmas Sharon back Jimmy: doing the rounds her Jimmy: be a record Janis: 😱 Janis: buy a hat Jimmy: get another exorcism booked, more like Jimmy: been trying to 🙏 her away Janis: he's a little preoccupied rn Janis: oops, soz, He's Jimmy: bloody typical Janis: shit nan got in early and they're like 🤝 Janis: do anything for her Janis: priorities Jimmy: 💔 she won't do owt for me Jimmy: reckoned I'd made a top first impression Janis: @ her Jimmy: what is it? Janis: @godandmejudgingeverybody Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: she reckons so too Jimmy: I worked that out when we 🤝 Janis: BFFs in the making Jimmy: obvs Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: if she's chucking about incense an' all, I might do Janis: Poor boy Janis: baptism of 🔥 ain't far off Jimmy: still 😱😱 you didn't do that to Lucas' car Jimmy: what did I even bother giving you a lighter for, girl? Janis: 😒 piss off Janis: you didn't see how fucked it was Janis: talk 😱😱 like Freddie got hold of it Jimmy: where's the 📷s? Janis: love keeping evidence on my phone, me Janis: think on Janis: getting us out of detention, not back in Jimmy: weren't gonna tweet 'em, calm yourself down Janis: see for yourself Monday Janis: not like he can afford a replacement or paint job Jimmy: he'll have had it done piss poor Janis: just some emulsion Janis: not for his baby Jimmy: gotta do what you've gotta do Jimmy: we've all nicked out the 🎨 cupboard Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: oh so you don't want today's? alright Jimmy: ❌ Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: in the 🗑 now, Janet Janis: shut up Janis: give it me Jimmy: when I see you Jimmy: can't have you feeling left out about all these 🎁s Jimmy: our kid's been trying to pick half the garden like it ain't winter Janis: so smooth, that one Jimmy: SO 😍💕🤝 the pair of them Janis: it's pretty cute Janis: for now Jimmy: can't wait to see how many Josephs the star of the nativity's got Jimmy: bet her sister and me can't count that high Janis: you calling a 7 year old a slag? 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 💭 about someone else then, my bad Jimmy: that sounds like you, we're back on track Janis: now I'm a slag Janis: have been chatting to my nan Jimmy: ain't my fault 💀👑 reckons 💭 is cheating if anyone else does it Janis: the dissonance between that and 1. what she do and more importantly 2. what daddy do Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: dunno what your 🤓🗨 means but she's a hypocrite, yeah Janis: come on Janis: left out cognitive for you Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: Bill wanted you to have that Janis: that's why he's my fave Jimmy: alright, I'll leave you to @ him Janis: OR Janis: you could be nice to me and I'll reconsider my ratings Jimmy: invited you to a 🥇 party a bit ago Jimmy: don't get nicer than that, dickhead Janis: **a shit party, possibly the shittest if Asia's had fuck all to do with organizing Janis: but you are bringing me a pity present so 🥉 Jimmy: Oi, it's a masterpiece Jimmy: and I'm having Libi for you when she's 🎂🧁🍭🍬😁 Janis: you aren't offering spoilers Janis: but you did offer that Jimmy: you can have one that I reckoned wouldn't be #goals enough Jimmy: [funny doodles shading the gals and this party etc, we know what I'm saying] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: it's 🤓 goals Jimmy: you can frame it, just don't stick in on your story Janis: still know what I'm doing Janis: not been that long Jimmy: THANK GOD Jimmy: teaching you signing is one thing Janis: oi Janis: you don't need to teach me nothing about #goals Jimmy: you do alright Janis: better than any other bitch could Jimmy: that'll be why I picked you Jimmy: not some other lass Janis: don't act like you're regretting it then Jimmy: if I were performing that scene it'd be loads more dramatic Janis: wait for your cue Jimmy: how about you stop reading ahead Janis: �� Jimmy: I said you were doing alright not that I were regretting owt Janis: I don't like the sound of alright Janis: sounds a bit participation 🏆 Jimmy: *🥈 Janis: that means 🥈 as a team Janis: joint effort Jimmy: it means you're 🥈 to my 🥇 Janis: bollocks Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you're no better Janis: we do the same amount Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you can't be 🥇 on your own Janis: ✊🍆 Jimmy: couldn't be #goals on my own Janis: same thing Jimmy: is it? Janis: with what we're talking about Jimmy: I were giving you my review, not the fans Janis: I know how big your head is Janis: no need to 💬 Jimmy: you can have a 🥇 for how massive yours is an' all Janis: I don't want that one Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: 🥇 review Jimmy: that's what you had before you picked holes in my wording Janis: fine Janis: say it again and I'll 🤐 Jimmy: I'll 🤐 Janis: UGH fine Jimmy: 🙄 ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: if I wanted to chat to my sister Janis: I'd ask if she was coming Jimmy: and if I wanted my lines corrected I'd @ Bill's 👻 Janis: maybe if I 🔊 'em I'd feel different Jimmy: I'll follow Libi's lead Janis: as long as it's before the shindig Janis: doesn't sound #goalz Jimmy: we'll have to whisper then Jimmy: wouldn't want the birthday girl to hear me calling her a twat Janis: 😏 Janis: not 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: heaven forbid Jimmy: have to have our own party and have it be up to us what's 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: we should Janis: but where Jimmy: we can have it here 🤞 they'll trash the place and Ian'll be so 💔🎻😭 he packs what's left up Janis: alright Janis: but where are you putting the kid Janis: your sister can hang maybe but call me crazy, six is a bit too young Jimmy: with his 👰? Janis: 💡 Janis: we could set that up Janis: my nan works with kids, the non-shit one Libi lives with Janis: he'd be good Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: ✔👍 Janis: BUT WHAT WILL WE WEAR Jimmy: OMG! Jimmy: 🛍🛍🛍!! Janis: 😍😍😍 Janis: YAAAAAAAASSSSSS Jimmy: what are you actually wearing for this bollocks in a bit though? Jimmy: 🚫💡 me Jimmy: do I go #goals or do her head in? Janis: you don't wanna look like you've made a special effort for her Janis: but I will be there so 🤔 Janis: go hot but more what they 💭 I'm into Jimmy: so dress like a lass? alright Janis: 😒❌ Janis: peak 'you' Janis: twat Jimmy: 😎 I get it Janis: 👏 Janis: there you go Jimmy: tah 😘 Jimmy: would HATE to upstage the birthday girl Janis: I've checked their socials to make sure I do Janis: as you asked Jimmy: should be in the group chat Jimmy: [shows her pisstakey qs he's been sending Asia] Janis: I turned the notifs off Jimmy: they do go on and on Jimmy: I won't 🗨 that'll be why you're 🥈 Janis: they wanna 🗨 to you Janis: not me Jimmy: but I want to talk to you Jimmy: and read what you have to say to them, obvs Janis: okay, fair point Jimmy: you're funny, said that before Janis: I won't  🗨 if it's list worthy Jimmy: alright, I won't tell you Janis: 😔 Jimmy: what? Janis: now I wanna know, obviously Janis: but Jimmy: but? Janis: won't ask won't tell Jimmy: so ask Janis: well you'll probably just say nah now Jimmy: make me sound like more of a dickhead Janis: you're not Janis: you just take the piss Jimmy: I know when to leave it out Janis: okay Janis: so does it? Jimmy: why wouldn't it? Janis: I know I'm great and have a MASSIVE head and everything Janis: but don't crack myself up Janis: 🤣🤣🤣😬 Jimmy: it's my list Jimmy: dunno why that's hard to get your head round Jimmy: you don't get a say what's on it and it don't matter if you agree or not Janis: alright Janis: were just saying why it might not be Jimmy: alright Janis: but is it Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: not gonna have a list of things and just not put something I give you loads of compliments about on it Janis: okay Janis: 😎 Jimmy: 🚭 for a bit 💔🎻 Janis: might have cigars Janis: is a birthday Jimmy: one Asia might've organised Janis: those candy ones Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: Bobby will be in his impression element Jimmy: he'd have to take Libi's fav 🖍 out from behind his 👂 Jimmy: not very #goals Janis: goals when she realises Janis: so 😍 Janis: she's done him a picture Janis: tell him to pretend it's good Jimmy: well harsh critic, you Jimmy: dunno if I wanna give you this 🎨 now Jimmy: or tell him owt 'cause he's been trying to get us to go knock on your nan's door for ages Janis: she's 4, and not picasso Janis: that's not mean Janis: we are ready, if he wants to come play first, or go to the park Janis: whatever Jimmy: you've near had my 👂 off, don't make me van Gogh Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: awh Janis: don't be 💙 Janis: come over Jimmy: okay Janis: you don't have to Janis: but she's rabid too Jimmy: I've left, not gonna turn him back round Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [show up so Bobby can adorably ask Libi to come to this party with him like it's a date on the doorstep and Jimothy can give his bae a single 🌹 for the shakespearean romance of it along with this 🎨 which I like to think isn't just a doodle like the rest but a full moment because she really inspired him by getting them out of detention] Janis: [she will be thrilled, love to imagine how iconic the party fit we've assembled is, a whole mishmash of things we love you know the vibe, probably gonna smooch him like what a lovely surprise and this is her romcom now lmao, thank god these kids be distracted 'cos we are likewise overwhelmed af by both these gestures in a way we don't even want babbies to see thank you] Jimmy: [I know that you'd never be able to find a lewk iconic enough for this mvp so I shall imagine it, likewise glad that these children are having their rom com moment because adorable but also because Jimothy would be feeling so awks because we don't normally try with our art and don't think we're good at it, go show Bobby your room gal, kids love doing that and JJ can have a cuppa or something and calm down] Janis: [yeah idk what pinterest rabbit hole I'd have to go down but doubt we'd get the desired effect, I'm thinking some kind of superhero moment on top w a cape, then a tutu, then some snazzy boots, then a crown, you know exactly the moment we're wilding and Asia's sisters are gonna be like oh lmao, probably put Killer in the garden so she doesn't bowl Bobby over immediately but you can go play with her too, just keep looking at this art shamelessly 'cos he's stepped his game up and we are impressed, also finding a way to braid this rose into our hair which again doubt I'll get a photo but it'd be a lewk as well, go sit with your cuppas like the parents you are lol] Jimmy: [yeah they are usually v basic with their children's lewks you'd need instagram or like a celeb who lets their kid dress themselves and even then, might not be the vibe, Asia's sisters can honestly fuck off because we know the older one who's like younger than Cass so in my head probably like 9/10 is an even bigger bitch so, what's important is how buzzing these kids are because haven't seen each other for ages and how 😳 Jimmy is by her reaction to the art and her hair lewk and how shamelessly he'd be checking her out when she was making the tea because we know she's also wearing one] Janis: [like she's 4 hens idk what to tell ya, she does not care for your shade, we're having a time, we all know the gals, whoever be there, will be going for an overly girly look so you'd win by default but we've clearly tried 'cos want to and we know why] Jimmy: [not soz that she's not 7 going on 17 like the bday gal, idk about you but I feel like if Hollie has any siblings they are probably brothers so she has no reason to be there, so realistically none of them might be unless Grace is babysitting instead of working in the clothes shop in which case she might be but it wasn't really about any of you or for your benefit hens, plus that feels like a vibe because Asia probably was thinking she'd flirt with him] Janis: [tea, like she's a hoe so she don't care but she could've gone in if none of them were about so a mood, not soz to stop that awkwardness at all 'what continent is in his class then?'] Jimmy: [lbr Mia would be encouraging her to like she'd been trying to get Grace to when he first arrived so yeah, as for replying to the bae we just 😏 and shrugging as we make up loads of more and more ridiculous names] Janis: [we all know it, like okay ladies it's clearly not going anywhere but pop off embarrassing yourselves trying, just having a moment of doing that back and forth for the lols] Jimmy: [let it go Mia! we all know he'll have choked on his tea at least once because she is funny we weren't wrong] Janis: [we've missed this] Jimmy: [live your best lives kids even if he would keep getting distracted by the hair 🌹] Janis: ['any particular plan of attack or?'] Jimmy: ['you not leaving me on my own 'cause she'll have one for me' we're joking but lowkey where is the lie] Janis: [just a look that is like ew but obviously 'or with her ma' 'cos just imagining her as an older Asia like there's just all the generations here] Jimmy: [the look on his face would be everything because we've not even considered that] Janis: [just like mhmm, doubt you've ever met her mum in a real capacity girl but also doubt you're wrong lol 'dad did one for a reason...I'll protect you'] Jimmy: [snuggling into her like we're trying to hide which is obvs purely for the pisstake and not because we want to] Janis: [snuggling him back but in a really extra way to prove we're also in on the #bants of it all] Jimmy: ['you got a plan?' like is there anything you wanna do to fuck with the gals while we're there, blatantly still in the snugg as we say this] Janis: [thinking, not just to drag this whole experience out but you know, 'are we inviting them to the party?'] Jimmy: [drawing little ?s on her skin while she's thinking without thinking ourselves about how distracting that'd be or why we probably shouldn't rn 'depends'] Janis: [! when he's doing it but then doing it back to the depends] Jimmy: ['are we still their fake mates?' because lbr the temptation always to just tell them all to go fuck themselves and genuinely thinking about how she was gonna behave at this party if Janis wasn't there] Janis: [shrugs 'they're shit mates, we don't have to invite them and we could still use it later to fuck with them' like they'll get over the diss of not being invited so fuck it if we don't wanna] Jimmy: ['alright' boy you make me laugh does that mean you wanna invite them or you don't] Janis: [tickle him a bit like alright what, dickhead] Jimmy: [so fake offended like excuse you I'm not off my tits on Helena's pain meds today but we know he's actually okay because he's obvs ticking her back more than she did to him] Janis: [getting out 'I will kick you' but as a warning not a threat 'cos don't wanna actually injure you here boy] Jimmy: ['no you won't' lowkey sounds like a challenge there boy but we know you're saying she loves you too much 'not shit mates, us'] Janis: [a LOOK 'we're alright' 'cos didn't mean to drag you so much over a word, the feels are confusing and high] Jimmy: [return the LOOK 'and you are' because you're alright too still even though you did drag him 😏] Janis: [between 🤭 and 😳 like okay, I know, shh but we're not mad 'you' like you too bitch] Jimmy: [touch her hair like you've wanted to this entire time 'but this...' like this needs a word you won't drag me for because you've made such good choices gal 'not alright' because at the same time WE ARE AFFECTED AF] Janis: ['do something about it then' which IS a challenge but you know full well these kids are in and out/you have no time but do we care] Jimmy: [is going to pull her hair in that way that's meant to be playful and pisstakey but is saucy as all hell because of course he is] Janis: [trying so hard NOT to react and make a sound that the lip bite you have to do would be indecent Jimmy: [so indecent that he'd have to do his own while we run our thumb over her bottom lip like always] Janis: [kissing that thumb honey] Jimmy: [I hope the kids are busy because we're making a SOUND like it or not] Janis: [be in the bedroom playing happily tah] Jimmy: [you gotta because we're pulling her into our lap to kiss her] Janis: [we will let you have this 'cos you need to] Jimmy: [likewise gotta let him also pull whatever clothes he needs aside so he can do an epic lovebite somewhere where these kids nor the kids at this party can't see the massive bruise because they'd all have faded and that upsets me] Janis: [boo says not on my watch, I also sincerely hope mcvickers have gone somewhere for the day and don't just waltz in now because we are so into it] Jimmy: [soz but we've started something now without him stopping himself so we literally cannot stop, it has been forever since they last did any of this] Janis: [concerned he would never wanna again so we're doing the most rn] Jimmy: [I don't even need to say how into it he is] Janis: [bit rude of us to do this and send you to a kid's party but that's life] Jimmy: [I am that rude bitch] Janis: [if it wasn't rude to Bobby we'd just dump you on 'em but you know, this has dealt with some tension and increased the rest lmao] Jimmy: [you're welcome but also I'm soz (I'm not though) hens] Janis: [gotta stunt on Asia so she can report back] Jimmy: [we shall and it'll be glorious] Jimmy: [I was thinking there should be a person there doing the kids' make up and nails because she's 7 going on 17 and so Bobby should get his painted Libi's fave colour and vice versa] Janis: [that's cute as hell, Libi acting like this makeup lady is a facepaint one like make me this tah] Jimmy: [don't worry gal, jimothy will paint your face for you when we leave this party and it will be bomb because I feel like the makeup woman is like that hairdresser woman in the duchess who wouldn't let her daughter sit in the car] Janis: [Luckily you to lil to be made to feel embarrassed just like hmm you're not very good are you like can't make me a tiger? bit shit hen lmao] Jimmy: [sass everyone gal JJ are here for it and you know they'd also ask her to facepaint them, just coming at her with ideas until she's like please stop] Janis: [this woman trying to paint pink nails and do some sparkly gloss and we're like challenge yourself babes, also gonna scran this party food it better be good fam] Jimmy: [I hope it tastes alright at least even if it looks tacky as hell lol] Janis: [at least you can't not go the sugar route at a kids bday, can't make 'em eat salads n water lol] Jimmy: [imagine everyone dancing please, JJ be dancing, Libi and Bobby, Libi and Jimothy and Janis and Bobby] Janis: [a whole mood, imagine everyone's faces at all times it's so amusing] Jimmy: [I can't wait for when Asia reports all of this back to Mia and she sees all the content everyone is posting] Janis: [when has a boy ever, the idea of even bringing one home horrifies y'all] Jimmy: [not at all soz that he's actually the softest boy ever and loves both of these bubs instead of whatever weird barista stereotype y'all thought] Janis: [they obvs thought he was 😎 stereotype for real like ok gals] Jimmy: [omg just saw on Pinterest these cards like who knows the bday girl best that you fill in and we have to have JJ fill in some for their own lols that they obvs aren't gonna give to this child but] Janis: [that's a must omg] Jimmy: [also there should be like a cupcake decorating station or something like that because the bubs would actually have fun doing that and JJ can be competitive doing theirs] Jimmy: [photobooth goes without saying but one where the photos come out and you can keep them because then we can have so many great mems thank you] Janis: [when we're just ignoring every guest lowkey love it] Jimmy: [obvs if there are kids in your class you fuck with Bobby you can proudly introduce Libi to them, cos let's assume they aren't all dicks] Jimmy: [and lowkey Libi can introduce Bobby because he's been too shy to talk to any of y'all] Janis: [statistically, some of you must be okay lol, also some kids lowkey like the shine of a 'different' kid and like to like help, which is cute even if it's a bit like oh you special, they don't mean it like that] Jimmy: [yeah at that age they are basically just trying to be nice and helpful so it's fine] Janis: [make some friends, Libi is v sociable so this should be fun and not as terrible as you worried, we got you babe] Jimmy: [at least if Libi has got this JJ can have a sec to themselves] Janis: [got to be couple #goals too, I mean we have been but like, keep Asia away] Jimmy: [because that's the ONLY reason honey not that we just wanna] Janis: [mhmm, obvs, not like we got interrupted from going there] Jimmy: [and we obvs think she's gonna just leave after this and go do whatever so we're trying to make the most of this time as if we won't shamelessly invite her in to have her face painted] Janis: [like where does she wanna be, she didn't even wanna beforehand but especially not now lol god bless] Jimmy: [like he probably thinks she wants to go 🐕🏃 for that 💰 but you could literally take these children with you sir] Janis: [like that is what we would do but we also want a life 'cos we've not for these last 3 going on 4 years and it's getting old] Jimmy: [the tea because likewise all he does is work and look after Bobby and Cass so we just wanna live our own life] Janis: [it's both what we want and good news guys you're gonna make it] Jimmy: [gonna be such good parents because you're already doing it now when you're literally 15 and not in a good headspace/situation] Janis: [letting you have fun first, we still gotta look after these kiddos but we're gonna get rid of Ian and Cass will be old enough to help and it'll all be better] Jimmy: [sounds like they are gonna kill Ian which makes me lol] Janis: [lmao, plottwist but no, lowkey what do happen to you Ian lordt] Jimmy: [please feel free to fuck off somewhere else like back up north sir] Janis: [that's a mood, like okay, bye then] Jimmy: [but anyway before we get derailed is there anything else you wanna do at this party or shall we skip?] Janis: [we probably know the vibes, we all had a good time despite the odds and the gals are gonna get the lowdown from Asia] Jimmy: [enjoy the walk back because the kids will be running ahead buzzing off all this sugar and their good time] Janis: [you should take both dogs out as y'all are buzzing, run off their energy too] Jimmy: [good idea because Twix do need to socialise too she's just a baby] Janis: [yeah Killer is a bit older now but she's still v excitable] Jimmy: [just two 🐕 gal pals] Janis: [love stories for all lollollol] Jimmy: [imagine all the artsy pics Jimothy would be getting like a little art hoe] Janis: [we're about it, such a family unit honestly it's wild] Jimmy: [I love it but not the awkward moment when they get back to mcvickers house to take Killer home and he has to be like are you coming to have your face painted or what because fully expecting her to be like nahhh] Janis: [DO YOU WANT YOUR FACE PAINTED BITCH, just seeming like we're like HELL YEAH 'cos we do wanna come] Jimmy: [also we should say mcvickers are back for the lols] Janis: [absolutely, we would've messaged them so they weren't like HELLO but now when we're going back to his it's like SeriousParentTime™] Jimmy: [maybe they won't let Libi sleep over so she's just coming for a bit because then once Bobby crashes they can actually live] Janis: [that makes sense for now, she's probably never had a sleepover outside of the fam because she's that small so go with that] Jimmy: [and lowkey we could potentially palm Bobby off on Cass to put to bed if they wanted to go to the pub or wherever because they are both serving lewks] Janis: [have walked the dog and had 'em all day, c'mon gal lol] Jimmy: [exactly but for now go and do your facepainting sesh because I vote that Bobby is a 🐺 seeing as it's like a dog upgrade and he's feeling himself today and that Jimothy gets the bae to do him as a 💀 for that flatwhite shade] Janis: [ooh, what do you wanna be gals] Janis: [hmm, Libi should ask for a galaxy moment 'cos Star, no pressure, get abstract lmao, maybe a vampire moment for you Janis] Jimmy: [let's not think about how up close and personal facepainting is lads] Janis: [but let's lmao] Jimmy: [please go return the favour of showing Libi your room and then like go on the trampoline or something children] Janis: [live your best lives so we can be here with our face paint on lol] Jimmy: [obvs offering her more tea] Janis: [just gesturing to our face like make it blood but obvs nodding 'cos duh] Jimmy: [he is a big enough nerd to like bring you a glass of water with red food colouring in it while the kettle boils] Janis: [🙄😏 'cos he's funny too hun] Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna snatch that 🌹 out of her hair and put it in the water but obvs doesn't actually] Janis: [fake #shooketh 'no takebacks'] Jimmy: ['you wanna kill it an' all?' just flirting and sassing nbd] Janis: ['sure, blame me when you picked it' fake tut] Jimmy: [Oi, you inspired me, it is your fault' looks up dramatically to where Bill's ghost would be floating around 'and a bit his'] Janis: [flirty smiles at where Bill is like I don't mind hehe] Jimmy: [throw something at her like we're so fake jealous and fuming] Janis: [throw something back 'he can't help being a romantic'] Jimmy: [going to make that tea like uggggggggh] Janis: don't be jealous Janis: he 💕 you too Jimmy: he's just using me to get to you Jimmy: not as thick as I look Janis: how long were you chatting to asia Janis: sounds just like her Jimmy: if she's the unappreciated genius 🖋🎭 instead of me and my 🎨 FUMING Jimmy: plot twist too far, that Janis: 😂 Janis: think you're safe Janis: much to her 💔 Jimmy: I were a bit ago an' all, tah for that Jimmy: very 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: reckon you could take her in a fight but Janis: yeah Jimmy: not THAT northern, steady on Janis: you'd be doing her a favour Janis: 🦷🦷 Janis: so fuck that Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: if I were bothered about doing other lasses favours I'd open my DMs Janis: you've mentioned Jimmy: you want owt else while I'm here? Janis: all good Janis: tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm glad he ended up having a good time Janis: and not every kid in his class is a little twat Jimmy: only be 💔🎻😭 when she goes off home Jimmy: how it should be Janis: 😏 such a purist, you Jimmy: a what? Jimmy: sounds well like you're insulting us Janis: maybe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: LITERALLY just complimented you Janis: when? Janis: must be AGES ago Jimmy: I get it, you don't know how to tell time either Jimmy: it's alright, we'll work it out together Jimmy: [bring that tea in] Janis: [buzzing like we really need this tea, nothing to do with you] Jimmy: [we're totally also buzzing about this tea and not because she is, yep] Janis: [no one is this excited for a cuppa not even yous or us lol] Jimmy: [I like to think that he goes to kiss her and once again stops himself but this time it's only because of the face paint and we're looking in the direction of upstairs where the children are 'don't fancy having that Q&A' meaning Libi asking what happened if she appears and they have ruined it] Janis: ['she's a right cockblock' and what's meant to be a fake 😒 but we're not not lbr] Jimmy: [we're remembering when we played that game where you had to kiss without touching and reminding her about it like we could change the rules if you're up for that challenge] Janis: [nods 'cos don't trust ourselves to say ANYTHING about this idea] Jimmy: [picture this, he starts out by touching her hair OBVS because he's obsessed but then just gently pulling on her earlobe cos he would've put it in his mouth if he could've then going down her jawline and neck writing kiss or doing an ✔ depending on the surface area we have to play with using our fingertip and varying the amount of pressure depending if it would've been a hard or soft kiss and just doing that for all the skin that's available everywhere] Janis: [shan't because we can't cope and at least we can be obvious about that, these kids are busy and gotta do what we gotta do Jimmy: [gotta do what we've gotta do and we are doing the MOST on this sofa rn even though his entire family + Libi could appear any moment] Janis: [getting on top of you on this sofa even though it's a bad idea for all the above reasons, not to mention the eye contact it demands 'you're rude'] Jimmy: [but it's a good idea for the sound he would make when she did so we're unrepentant over here 'you' well done for getting the word out boy] Janis: [shaking her head and getting the most movement out of that 'you started it'] Jimmy: [pulling her even closer like yeah I did and I'm not soz] Janis: [running our finger across his neck like you should be 'Jimmy...' at least this would be quiet because we're that close but that's the only at least] Jimmy: [touching the lovebite he gave her earlier so deliberately with such intense eye contact like I am simply not though] Janis: ['takes the piss' and pouting 'cos literally vampire facepaint and she hasn't given him one yet] Jimmy: [running his thumb over that lip whilst doing his own pout because we wanna do the pouty lip bite thing SO BAD rn but we can't] Janis: [biting our lip where his thumb just was] Jimmy: [such a frustrated noise as if this wasn't his idea lol] Janis: [finally feeling like we've had a win there so we're smug] Jimmy: [tickling her like how dare you not also be dying here excuse you] Janis: [trying to pin his hands above his head like no no] Jimmy: [he's totally gonna end up pinning you to this sofa gal, just the sauciest playfight of all time happening] Janis: [we know we're breaking and we do not care, fight us Libi] Jimmy: [proud of you for lasting as long as you did tbh] Janis: [truly, have your lovebite and then some boy] Jimmy: [have to let you hook up here without anyone interrupting you or else you will both die] Janis: [have a quickie guys] Jimmy: [can't be dealing with your bad moods if you don't] Janis: [it has been days, which in your timeline is like nearly half of lmao so] Jimmy: [we all know you're extra] Janis: [gonna have to take Libi back soon gal] Jimmy: [everyone's gonna be gutted to be separated but the lads will walk you back because gentlemanly like that] Jimmy: [but for now have your tea that you're gonna have to put in the microwave because you never touched it] Janis: [my boo says HELLO] Jimmy: [also probably take your face paint off because I dread to think the state of it now] Janis: [the black face energy getting real lmao] Jimmy: [if you don't go do this together and mess about while you do by like having a water fight and only removing bits at a time so you look silly etc then I don't wanna know either of you] Janis: [obviously we must, also I think the bubbys paint should be a little smudged 'cos Libi keeps smooching him like my shameless boo] Jimmy: [so cute and I can imagine JJ just giving each other a look like 😏 because relatable] Janis: [gonna age Tess so hard gal] Jimmy: [be looking like her sim] Janis: [poor tess haha] Jimmy: [I really hope you don't actually put her through it as you're growing up hun, we've been through enough] Janis: [we do need to think about that now you exist in gen 4 kinda but like yeah, arguably we could also do bobby in the first part of the gen, ANYWAY THOUGH] Jimmy: [we could totally do some of them next if you want because we know they are gonna stay friends so] Janis: [cuteness and potential] Jimmy: [anyway is there anything else you wanna have happen before Libi goes home or no?] Janis: [we don't have to do it if you don't wanna but important to note you're obvs sleeping over right] Jimmy: [totally because I still think they should go out even if it's just to his local pub but it could also be in town out depending on the mood though I don't know how you're gonna be like DO YOU WANNA when you're yet again on this doorstep or wherever lol] Janis: [for sure, do something purely 'cos you wanna and there's no excuse or distraction] Jimmy: [exactly, because you obviously haven't yet since she got back] Janis: [or lowkey ever? you might've actually, xmas eve yeah nvm] Jimmy: [could be argued that the pub crawl was for content though whereas they literally don't need to do any more today so] Janis: [mhmm, we've slayed today, you could've gone home hun] Jimmy: [exactly and that's why this is so important but for real I don't know how he's gonna be like do you wanna not go in and come back with me yet again so there's that] Janis: [don't worry, you can probably just hook up and then be like may as well stay] Jimmy: [just throw Bobby at Cass when you get back and then you can leave] Janis: [though it might be a conversation™ 'cos she would go to leave if not immediately 'cos bit rude but early in the AM] Jimmy: [mhmm just gotta make himself too vulnerable by being like no no, hope you're at least a bit drunk guys] Janis: [sure you will be honeys, where do we wanna skip to then] Jimmy: [question is do we wanna do any of this night out and see what happens or just skip to the end? hm Janis: [always fun to do a night out, even if we skip around 'cos a lot of we know the vibe I'm sure but we can see peeps, things can happen, without it being drama central] Jimmy: [no drama please, we're trying to have a nice chill time] Janis: [exactly dr phil, and we can, there's been enough heightened emotions for a while and we've really brushed them under the rug tbh] Jimmy: [hence I'm like we should probably do this night out because when you're drunk stuff might come out] Janis: [pop off and let's ride lads] Jimmy: [the question is lads do you wanna go out out so we can really serve these lewks or stay local so you're less likely to see the world and his wife] Janis: [hmmmmm, I say go to town 'cos xmas eve you stayed local to her so go off] Jimmy: [that is true, lets go with that] Janis: [you can try and get in some of the more iconic dublin pubs and show him the sights so] Jimmy: [yeah because he wouldn't have been because he's only been here for like 2 months now and we know he's antisocial] Janis: [and you are but children, plus going out to drink on your own is depressing soz you can do lots of things alone but not that lbr] Jimmy: [literally he has done nothing since he moved here like we said before so I'm glad you have each other now] Janis: [unlikely we've done it before either 'cos age, like but we'll know where to go] Jimmy: [I vote you have to only order drinks that cliché tourists would] Janis: [really annoying cocktails they hate making etc] Jimmy: [and Guinness like you think you're doing something] Janis: [you'll be so full lol] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 🤰 Jimmy: 👶'll be 🍀💚🎩🌈 as fuck Janis: if it makes it Janis: 🥴 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 as you, obvs Janis: n'awh Janis: you 👍? Jimmy: I am now you've broke that news Jimmy: 😁 Janis: we're all buzzing Janis: reason to celebrate never needed when you're 🍀💚🎩🌈 but Jimmy: @iantaylor8 🏆 for most chuffed of all about the 🍀💚🎩🌈 bit Jimmy: 🍾🍻 Janis: not yours, basically white Janis: his round then? 😁 Jimmy: we'd need more luck than that to get him to 💰 owt now that 🎄 is done with Jimmy: have to kill and rob him Jimmy: but as far as celebrations go, wouldn't be 👎 Janis: let's come up  with plan #2 Janis: we can handle it Jimmy: how does the 👶 wanna do it? all about them now Janis: car bomb, obviously Jimmy: nod to its real dad Janis: pretty sure we did a big 💣 in manchester so ian will be #triggered Jimmy: just keep giving me more and more top news today, you Janis: kind of mate I am Janis: anything to see you 😁 Jimmy: [doing it IRL of course] Janis: [when he still looks good fuming tbh, squishing his face like ugh] Jimmy: [making it into a kissy face like you love me really] Janis: [pushing him away by his face but not as aggressive as that sounds and standing up to get more drinks in as Ian isn't gonna show] Jimmy: [pulls her back not as aggressive as that sounds either lol even though we know she's only leaving to get more drinks] Janis: ['oi!' and a look like whaaaaaa but it's a LOOK] Jimmy: [all the eye contact as he stands up and sit her down in his seat like no no not in your condition I will go] Jimmy: [*** unrelated to what we're doing now but I had an idea that earlier like when Bobby and Libi were doing their goodbyes cos don't need him to translate that Jimothy signed pub? at the bae in irish sign language because he doesn't know much yet and isn't trying hard to learn because he thinks they're gonna leave but he'd have learnt that as a pisstake anyway just wanted to put this here so I didn't forget that lil nugget of info my brain thought up at like 3am***] Janis: [love that for you boy, noted] Janis: [🙄 but loling like alright, if you wanna pay fine by me boy] Jimmy: [signing 'stay' from the bar because I feel like the bubs would've been doing that at Twix and Killer today so we can pretend that's purely pisstakey and no deeper] Janis: [🤨 but in a sassy manner] Janis: coming for my gig now? Jimmy: can't be taking 💰 off you that's 🍼 out the 👶's mouth Janis: you ain't gonna pay for it? Janis: rude Jimmy: OBVS, but I don't reckon 💀👑'll hear and crack on FINALLY 💰 me tips Janis: 💡 Janis: sleep with her dad, tell him it's his Janis: live off that hush 💰 Jimmy: more 🥇💡 DON'T but 🗨 you did after you've put something in his drink/ let him be a massive pisshead on it 'cause you understand him unlike his missus Jimmy: all we've faked up to now, DNA test'd be piss easy Janis: just have to snatch a bit of 💀👑's hair Janis: not hard Janis: saliva and we'd be fucked, dunno if she produces that any more Jimmy: have to hurry while she's still got hair Janis: bet #2 has some Jimmy: go round hers in a bit, can't wait, me Jimmy: 💭 if we found out 💀👑 weren't his Jimmy: they'd both be SO 💔🎻😭 to have to dump each other Janis: I wish Janis: only my family giving that level of drama Jimmy: 💔 you can't use 😭 to do a test, I'd have got Ian to crack on ages ago Janis: whoever's your dad is also Bobby's, that's for sure Jimmy: probably is him then, he ain't the sort to let his missus have bloke mates hanging round that long Janis: soz, mate Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: be a 🥇 looking 👶 at least Jimmy: all our shit parents got that bit right Janis: guess so Janis: tah for the genetics, I'll take it from here Jimmy: [bring those drinks boy and obvs get her up so you can sit back down in your seat and she can sit on you] Janis: [forever and always even though the eye contact it demands is cray, just smiling and drinking our drink] Jimmy: [likewise but also just doodling on her skin absentmindedly because we're in love and probably a bit drunk by now assumedly] Janis: ['you could do that for a job' we mean tattooist but that isn't very clear gal so we must be a lil tipsy] Jimmy: [shoutout to your future child, love that but obvs he's like ? and draws it on her] Janis: [just like ugh at ourselves 'tattoos and shit, you know' shrugs 'you got a plan?'] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we haven't let ourselves think about the future for so many reasons 'do you?'] Janis: ['nah' shakes head 'but I'll get by, don't need more, like'] Jimmy: [nodding because we get it and doing a cheers with this drink] Janis: [drink to that lads 'if anything, easier to walk dogs when I've got a car'] Jimmy: ['any time you wanna borrow Ian's, crack on' we're just thinking that he's too happy and settled rn and we need to annoy him more lol] Janis: [😏 and cheersing again like tah] Jimmy: number of 🐕s, should probably nick a 🚍 instead though Janis: can do that too Jimmy: can 😴 there an' all if you need to Jimmy: stretch out Janis: living in one seems like something my ma'd do though Janis: ❌ Jimmy: bet your shit nan's church group'd have their 👀 on it Janis: [visibly 😒] Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: [a lil feelsy lean like soz because we know she sucks even if we don't know what happened] Janis: [using it to push him off in a jokey get off kinda way, like you ain't sat on him rn] Jimmy: [messing about like you're both gonna dramatically fall off this chair but then lowkey hurting himself a lil bit though we're obvs playing that off as fake too but it's real because yet again we've had a very busy day and done so much as if we're perfectly fine] Janis: [picking him back up and steadying him like you okay boy? and nudging his drink towards his lips like that'll help] Jimmy: [down that drink boy] Janis: [just lowkey having a feel of his stomach/ribs etc like you gotta check] Jimmy: [😏 cos we're pretending she's doing it to flirt with us obvs like she just can't keep her hands to herself ever which is true but also shh sir] Janis: [going with it 'cos not not true and we know it makes him awks but we still wanna] Jimmy: [kissing her because we always just want to] Janis: [have this makeout sesh whilst giving him a massage casually] Jimmy: [excuse us people in this pub] Janis: [looks dodgier than it is frankly] Jimmy: [love how shameless you both are and how often you just behave like you're the only two people around] Janis: [we're so unbothered by other people unless they're really in our faces about it] Jimmy: [mhmm hence we're just saying we missed her and how much in between kisses because we have and we're obvs so into everything she's doing rn] Janis: ['did you?' 'cos 'course we don't believe him/it] Jimmy: [stop kissing her for long enough you can hold that eye contact so she knows you mean it but then kiss her more intensely obvs] Janis: [going in even harder 'cos definition of !!! about it] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's deserved and needed and it'll shut him up from saying any more for a sec] Janis: [saying nothing in this pub but people should do something/be staring or say something so we can move huuuuuuuun] Jimmy: [that's realistic so yes] Janis: [we going about this town] Jimmy: [twirl her like you would've done when you were at this kid's party earlier please boy] Janis: [dance down these streets but don't fall tah] Jimmy: [and don't knock into anyone either because we don't need that drama] Janis: [no fighting shakira shakira] Jimmy: [not tonight thank you] Janis: [we gotta get drunk and spill secrets] Jimmy: [confess as many feelings as we dare] Janis: [heheheh, getting shots in that vein] Jimmy: [good idea boo] Janis: 🥃🥃🥃 Jimmy: 🥳🥳🥳 Janis: partying for 2 Jimmy: remind me to @ Asia 7 years from now to let her know how to throw a 🎁🎂🎈 that ain't all 💅💄 Janis: you ain't bad at face painting Janis: can have that Jimmy: tah very much Jimmy: be alright as long as Libi don't have me doing it whenever I see her Jimmy: be a bit weird if I have to carry a full face painting kit about Janis: you don't need to be that whipped Janis: won't hurt her to hear a nah every once and a while Jimmy: no need to be jealous, Jules Jimmy: you're still my muse Janis: piss off Jimmy: I'll 🥺🥺 for 2 if you make me Janis: go ahead Jimmy: [does] Janis: [regret 'cos we feeling all the things now] Jimmy: [carve that JJ love heart into the pub table like see you're my muse and ILY] Janis: [just tracing our finger round and round this heart] Jimmy: [literally is about to draw a heart on her and I'm like boy stop] Janis: ['your ex really cheat on you?' like why would he lie, but can't believe it] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' because genuinely not something he expected her to ask rn] Janis: [a shrug like soz 'just what I was thinking about'] Jimmy: [a nudge but a gentle one 'what you thinking about her for?' sir she's thinking about you] Janis: [tuts like ugh, making me explain myself, how rude lol 'are you a shit real boyfriend or what?' like why would she if you were how you're faking now] Jimmy: [a shrug like 1. probably because the messy time after his mum disappeared 2. they were young af and neither of them had good role models clearly but we don't wanna really get into either of those things 'depends on the scale' like compared to who hun because lbr not an Ian or Mia's dad but we weren't #goals] Janis: [nods like we get it 'cos we do even though not personally like that might suggest, the shakes her head like let's move on 'cos accidentally brought the vibe down and we didn't mean to 'whatever, none of my business'] Jimmy: [leaves the ex's @ in this chat whatever it is like @ her for her POV if you like but irl we're shrugging again because we're so over her just not the mum mems of that era] Janis: 🤐 Janis: [dranking this drank faster] Jimmy: [nudges her like hey it's alright] Jimmy: *🔊 Janis: [😏 'not there yet' like let's go back to bants] Jimmy: where are you then? Janis: 🥺 of course Janis: you're quite inspiring too Jimmy: show me Janis: [😳 and can't do it back 'cos now we've got the giggles like stop it] Janis: can't just 👏 like Jimmy: [we're just 😍 af because she's adorable bye] Jimmy: alright, if there's no 👏 have to take back that 🌹 and your 🏆s Jimmy: go together them Janis: well now I'm 😠 Janis: [does that instead] Jimmy: [does a 📷 mime and then wordlessly goes to get her some kind of forfeit drink for not being oscar worthy af] Janis: [doing it now he's further away 'cos easier] Jimmy: you're rude, said it earlier Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [points] Jimmy: [signs it which I lowkey do think is just a point but anyway] Janis: 👆 Janis: the point emojis are crap Jimmy: 💔 Janis: looks more come here Janis: which don't not work rn but Jimmy: but do come here Janis: [making our way over, of course] Jimmy: [checking her out as she does obvs and when she does get there gesturing like get this barman's attention please because it's busy but she's a hot girl so she'll have more luck] Janis: [do the least to do the most such is your privilege babe] Jimmy: [kiss her like thank you because we weren't trying to stand there all night] Janis: [the barman like aw lmao] Jimmy: #👻problems Janis: #🍆problems Jimmy: fuming if it's a not a lass serving next Janis: fuming if it is, obvs Jimmy: if you're 😠 again, I'll be back at chuffed to bits Jimmy: so cute Janis: [fake punches him] Jimmy: [writes hate across her knuckles because I am not letting you write love boy stop it] Janis: [takes off the e by pretending to cut off the pinky] Jimmy: [😏 and draws the 🎩 on the back of her hand for that irish af vibe] Janis: [writes 'pot' on the other hand like there you go, pot of gold too] Jimmy: [draw a 🌈 on that one and 💰] Janis: [lols like lovely 'told you you had a future in it'] Jimmy: [just shaking his head because we can't take a compliment] Jimmy: you gonna name this 👶 something I can't pronounce or what? Janis: [raising our brows sassily like not hard] Janis: you can name it Janis: guilt trip move Jimmy: 🤔🤔💭 Jimmy: What's Mia's daddy's name? Jimmy: got a lie to sell here Janis: 🤔 Janis: maybe Michael or something, idk Janis: Miles Jimmy: Miley he'll love that Janis: meet your new sister Mia Jimmy: sister and step mum Janis: not even weird for me Jimmy: Libi must've missed that bit when she were doing the family tree Janis: thank fuck Janis: only so much you need to hear Jimmy: what were it you said about my ages old 💔? Jimmy: nowt to do with me, that Janis: nor me Jimmy: I told you before, up to you what you wanna 🗨 Janis: you pick Jimmy: your full list's all I want Janis: [a LOOK] Jimmy: [one back always] Jimmy: you owe me the one Janis: true Janis: remind me what I've said Jimmy: 1. 🚬👃 2. 🎤🗨 3. 💋 4. 🖕✌️🤟 is a might be, you never said it were or weren't for definite 5. 🤝 6. 💫 dunno what else to do for freckles so Janis: [impressed he remembered 'cos obviously did not just look through like my boo just had to lol] Janis: don't wanna repeat, wouldn't be fair Jimmy: [when it's really important to you because you literally told her in that convo that nobody has ever been this nice to you and it's obvs true] Jimmy: so go on Janis: it's unfair you took 👀s Janis: when yours are like ☀️ Janis: but I like your brows too Jimmy: you're ☀ Jimmy: and you know I'm fuming you took 💋 an' all Jimmy: but we've both got smell on there so I'm not gonna stop you rating what you rate Janis: take it as a whole Janis: you have pretty lashes too Janis: it's Jimmy: that'll get out of hand when I just say your entire face Jimmy: or your whole body Janis: everything about you Jimmy: that an' all Janis: [and I oop, just like our drink looks so interesting rn because dying] Jimmy: [a soft 'hey' because of course like 👀 at me] Janis: [you gotta look up gal 'yeah?' also soft] Jimmy: [gestures at her to come here like you literally didn't just get kicked out of a pub for this] Janis: [do though who are we] Jimmy: [we're softly but insistently kissing the bae's throat like we can coax words out cos so much we wanna say and so much we wanna hear] Janis: [the noise we are making, running our hands through his hair goes to gripping it 'you're not-' 'I'm supposed-' can we finish a sentence? no] Jimmy: [just doing it again like do you wanna finish a sentence gal and not at all because of her other reaction of course not] Janis: ['stop it' but in the most don't stop tone imaginable 'cos at least that's a sentence] Jimmy: [we're not but we are smooching the side of her neck instead] Janis: ['coming for my gig again' and moving to the side so you've gotta smooch for reals] Jimmy: [have a lil make out lads] Janis: [again lollol] Jimmy: [can't and won't be tamed, we're doing what we want tonight] Janis: [speaking of, you should get some good scran, idk what but I'm sure there's some bomb takeout vibes] Jimmy: [definitely, I doubt there was much savoury food at that party] Janis: [you can walk n eat n mayhaps talk hmm] Jimmy: [and snuggle because it's probably cold] Janis: [even if it's stopped snowing, deffo] Jimmy: [obvs just nudging her as you go along like you alright? because this boy loves checking in] Janis: [nudges him back like aren't you?] Jimmy: [smiling because we're having a lovely time] Janis: [😍 'good'] Jimmy: [😍 and doing the handhold swingy thing as we walk] Janis: ['you're alright, you know, not boring' just sounds like you thought he was but we mean in comparison to other peeps] Jimmy: ['when did you reckon I were boring? but we're amused 'bit rude'] Janis: [a face like oi but also amused 'no, I just didn't know you weren't before'] Jimmy: ['I knew you weren't' which makes you sound like a stalker or something lol but we're too drunk to think that through clearly] Janis: ['no you didn't' not just to be contrary we're just like lies lmao] Jimmy: [his own oi face 'wouldn't have picked you if I didn't' because true] Janis: [just narrowing our eyes like suspish but okay 'well I knew you didn't chat shit constantly, or try hard like most lads do' shrugs like bitch I noticed you too] Jimmy: [🤐 mime like well yeah I don't say anything and shrugging back 'no need' because he doesn't feel like he has anything to brag about genuinely and obvs we don't have any reason to try hard for the people we don't care about] Janis: [just gesturing like yes, my point exactly 'don't stop 'em, does it'] Jimmy: [gets out the phone we've literally not looked at all night, frowns at it and puts it back without actually bothering to do anything except make a point 'the lasses either, but that's not the kind of dickheads we are'] Janis: [shakes her head like no we are not and puts her hand out for him to shake] Jimmy: [does and then does pull her in for a hug because always 'chuffed it were you' from within this hug] Janis: ['we've done a good job' also from within the hug] Jimmy: [shaking his head because we don't wanna call it a job when literally you always do sir and also that now looks like you don't think this is going well] Janis: [looking at him when you pull back like ? because how it looks] Jimmy: ['not just a shift I'm putting in, you'] Janis: ['I dunno why I had a go about that' just like how cringe of me to show I gave a shit ugh] Jimmy: ['don't you?' and a shrug 'alright then' like oh are we just pretending we don't give a shit tonight okay cos we're sassy] Janis: [little lol 'don't take the piss' 'you know what I mean. meant. whatever'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like me that' 😏 because she literally said he's not a dickhead but he takes the piss] Janis: [getting SO close and making him stop walking so you can whisper in his ear 'it sounds exactly like you' and nipping his earlobe when you say 'sounds'] Jimmy: [saying 'fuck' with SO much feeling how they do] Janis: [nods like that's what I want to and looks around like we picked the wrong location lol] Jimmy: [looks in the direction they'd have to go to retrace their steps like if you wanna go we can go because Ian's stash forever] Janis: [follows his gaze like we could but eventually shakes her head 'we've got time, more places you need to see first if you wanna be a proper tourist'] Jimmy: [nods because 🥇 or nowt is the mantra but we're kissing her really hard first so she knows we're not just chill and we feel the tension and want the same things] Janis: [have your moment and take one before the next location] Jimmy: [for once I doubt you're the only peeps being extra at least such are the joys of town] Janis: [people always cracking on you're fine, even if you cared, which we are far beyond] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [full drunk by now, never mind all our feels] Jimmy: [they should go somewhere they can do some grooving because not something they've done a lot of because of her ankle happening] Janis: [good thinking boo, hit the clerb, whole different vibe] Jimmy: [how cinematic when juxtaposed against the dancing at the kids party earlier lol] Janis: [day and night honey] Jimmy: [another good excuse for more shots because you can't dance and hold a big drink] Janis: [ooh, maybe Harry could be there Janis: we can just see and ignore him but intro that 'cos haven't yey] Jimmy: [I just nearly gasped because yes we do need to do that before all the sports stuff starts and she runs into him in a way she can't swerve] Janis: [it seems legit you could be out with your mates boy, you could be a bit older/look it too, it's believable you ain't the gals, maybe if she's getting drinks or Jimmy is he can come up but it'll look like just another random tryna hit her up] Jimmy: [that seems legit to me too] Janis: [but obviously it'd put her in some type of mood] Jimmy: [might also open a line of dialogue though so] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [what way round do you wanna do it because obvs if he goes to get drinks and comes back to find them talking or whatever he'll be like bitch excuse me but if she was getting drinks and runs into him that way he won't even see Harry/know about that interaction] Janis: [maybe he goes to get them, it makes it easier, even if Harry literally walks away as he comes back 'cos that kind of snekk, he'd still see but they always getting hit on so he wouldn't assume that was responsible and be like oh I get it, yknow] Jimmy: [he'll just be like 🤨 looking him over as Harry walks away  but yeah not concerned and more jokey because it does happen always and he knows she can handle it] Janis: [just 😒 watching him go] Jimmy: [handing her these shots because we just think like we said he's a stranger and she'll be over it in a sec] Janis: [down it with vigour hun] Jimmy: [likewise because that's just how shots are, you gotta go in] Janis: [ick] Jimmy: [have never enjoyed a single one I've ever had but they are not J potato] Janis: [who is babe, go get your groove on aggressively] Jimmy: [hope it's not a slow jam and I especially hope Harry is not also hitting the dancefloor with some gal] Janis: [oh lawd, we're not doing that cliche of catching eyes dancing with other people boy, I think not] Jimmy: [you think you're that important Harold but you're honestly not] Janis: [accidentally making him think you're that into him, nah] Jimmy: [but anyway I shall start a convo when we've been dancing for an age and you're clearly still 😒 hun] Jimmy: What? Janis: what do you mean what? Jimmy: what's wrong? Janis: what do you reckon makes clubs smell so bad Janis: apart from all the sweat, that's obvious Jimmy: answer me, dickhead Janis: I'm alright, seriously Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ugh Janis: it's nothing though Jimmy: *something Jimmy: you wanna go outside? Janis: [mimes 🚬] Janis: sure Jimmy: [taking her hand like let's go] Janis: [smoking area moment, not like you'll be alone they're always packed] Jimmy: [lighting you both up and giving her a sec] Janis: ['just know that lad' shrugging like that explains that] Jimmy: ['and what?' because we're not letting it just drop] Janis: [after a while thinking and stopping and starting 'and- everyone else is a dickhead, yeah'] Jimmy: how much of a dickhead is he? Janis: no more than average, I suppose Janis: 💪🍆🔥👑 Janis: you know the sort Jimmy: yeah, what I dunno is why you're so bothered Janis: just didn't fancy seeing anyone I knew out Jimmy: you barely did do Janis: then let's go somewhere else after this Janis: forget about it Janis: [smiling at him like it's not fake but we're forcing this vibe rn] Jimmy: can you? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry Janis: he's just some twat Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's alright Janis: its not Janis: we're having a nice time Janis: meant to be Jimmy: I meant, he's doing your head in, you're not doing in mine Jimmy: we're alright Jimmy: nice is a bit rude though, as descriptions go Janis: [a LOOK up like 😏] Janis: how'd you describe it then Jimmy: not like we're sat in having a ☕🍪 with our kid and his missus Jimmy: but if you need a review then Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: that'd be it Janis: are you saying that's the definition of nice or a better time Janis: either way I have some questions Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: it's obvs the definition of nice 👵👴💕 Janis: [shakes head as we get up like oh you 'leave you to it then'] Jimmy: [not letting you go gal putting his arms around her like no no 'Oi, I just gave you a top review, what more do you want?'] Janis: ['can always do better' and taking his hand like let's go, stay outta our way Hazza we got places to be] Jimmy: ['than you rating me boring and nice, yeah' but we're amused of course and doing another twirl as we go] Janis: ['I did not!' and a pouty face like how dare YOU suggest I did] Jimmy: [thank god we can do the pouty lip thing this time and nothing can stop us] Janis: [freedom] Jimmy: [You're welcome lads] Janis: [y'all can do what you want like going to the toilets and living that cliche moment] Jimmy: [not the first time, we all remember pub crawl, but it would be busier so pluses and minuses to that] Janis: [we gotta for a myriad of reasons still not about you though Harry but you've put us in a mood to prove some things so tah] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [get out of this clerb and into a different one, better or worse, idk what's more fun tbh] Jimmy: [again it's not about you Harold] Janis: [soz we have such a dramatic reaction to seeing you lmao like hell to the no] Jimmy: [it's deserved you're not a good egg] Janis: [we'd be more chill if we weren't drunk, like he's just gonna come over and ruin everything, he might try tbf, run lads and continue grooving] Jimmy: [we're on a touristy tour here sir gotta move along] Janis: [you are not invited good day, back on the shots shots shots] Jimmy: [don't at all look forward to seeing you soon hun] Janis: [at least we're not doing the grace of it all now, although, continuously triggering everyone 'cos that's what they think Liam did with Edie to be around Rio, which yeah at first but shh] Jimmy: [the temptation to do that again now you've said that lol] Janis: [yeah, it came to me as I typed it lol] Jimmy: [fuck it let's do it, we can totally make him her baby daddy for that hot sec to really trigger everyone haha] Janis: [no offence to your barrenness but THANK GOD don't actually need babies from lies] Jimmy: [I can't do that to you gal even if we could] Janis: [would not be cute, he'd be tryna pay for your abortion like] Jimmy: [it's so far from #goals as is nobody needs that] Janis: [it's even worse than drew and caleb soz my love but no, hence ali had to be like no no in that convo we did when we did it before] Jimmy: [but what if that's when she gets her nose ring because it's like a Cameron trying to get Nicki to wear Chloe's lipstick situation!] Janis: [🤢 OMG, you can use all the really tryhard stuff of late, like, we know you would babe] Jimmy: [Sammi's moment of trying to be black will actually be useful to me, who knew] Janis: [just thinking about the wurls wig and dying 'cos it looked so bad oh gal] Jimmy: [HARD SAME] Janis: [and I oop, we're gonna lose our mind with you] Jimmy: [the drama] Janis: [oh lord] Jimmy: [anyways back to this, do you wanna do a skip or have you got things you wanna have happen rn off the back of this Harry situation?] Janis: [we can probably skip to going home even? we know how the nights gonna go and it'll be fun and feelsy but that's the STAY of it all] Jimmy: [true I just didn't wanna rush you gal if you had stuff you wanted to say or do before that so] Janis: [nah we good I just wanted to establish him so when he crops back up later we've got this vague memory like oh] Jimmy: [it was a good way to do it boo, good thinking] Janis: [big brain booty] Janis: [where would you like to hook up/where are you then gonna try to leave from] Jimmy: [do you wanna be at his gaff or are you thinking before they get there?] Janis: [his makes sense for going to mcvickers after] Jimmy: [be having a nightcap and all the sauciness that entails but then try and leave gal] Janis: [like gotta go before anyone wakes, sure you're being well loud tbh lads but okay] Jimmy: [as excuses go a very legit one and also the bubs do wake up well early like what time even is it] Janis: [but also who cares you've been on a minibreak together] Jimmy: [literally] Janis: [baby its cold outside Jimmy: [what's your vibe like is she gonna say anything or is she just casually getting ready to leave?] Janis: [I think just getting ready when she thinks he's passed out but we're drunk so we're clearly not making a good go of doing it stealth here lol] Jimmy: [obvs gonna chuck something at her then like excuse you] Janis: [#shooketh and thus doing angry whispers 'what was that for dickhead?!'] Jimmy: ['where you going?' as if that's not obvious because we're drunk so it's not] Janis: [dramatically shushing him which in itself is louder than you're being already probs 'trying not to wake anybody up here'] Jimmy: [a sarcastic but amused 👍 because that's going well and then repeating our question] Janis: [throwing whatever he threw at us back like don't be fucking rude 'home' which you gotta stop saying when you mean mcvickers 'cos sounds like you planning to trek] Jimmy: [catching it and being really proud of ourselves with our expression but then frowning because we do think she means she's going home 'you're not, there's no buses for ages' because again what weird am is this lol] Janis: [😏 and a sassy fake clap for him 'Oh, I mean my nans' like my bad 'before he's getting up for work or...whatever'] Jimmy: [dramatically shushing her for the clap like she did to him a sec ago 'it's the weekend' because it is 'only dickheads like us do Sundays'] Janis: ['oh' when you genuinely forgot but now it seems like you lyin' lmao] Jimmy: [when you get up v dramatically to be up in her grill like 👀 cos are you lying gal but when we're standing there we just get distracted by like moving her hair out of her face and fixing her clothes and generally being soft and close and helpful] Janis: ['you-' and then getting distracted by his lack of clothing for a sec like oh '-you don't have to be nice, you know'] Jimmy: ['stop calling me nice, dickhead' but softer than the words suggest and not just because we are this close and whispering] Janis: ['stop being nice then' in a challenge type of way] Jimmy: [push her back onto this bed boy but in a hot way not a dangerous one] Janis: [definition of that 😈 tbh] Jimmy: [whatever she's managed to put on he's taking off, RIP to this dress or whatever if you don't survive] Janis: [running our fingers through his hair again for the throwback to earlier 'you're SO nice, baby'] Jimmy: [giving her a massive lovebite near to wherever he did that first one way earlier and going as hard for that throwback as well because we're 😈 ] Janis: [when you're egging him on telling him how nice he is over and over but then you do the biggest gasp] Jimmy: [going over the OG one as well because it's right there tempting us 'I'll do whatever you want for as long as you're here, nice, not nice, owt else' like don't go gal] Janis: [just about getting out 'but what do you want?'] Jimmy: ['you' because true and we're drunk so we can answer a question 'I keep saying I don't want you to go anywhere' because he literally said it on the school trip in those words when they were doing an activity and having a little domestic and god knows how many times we've either said it or tried to make it clear since] Janis: ['me...' which we ALMOST phrase as a question, such is our disbelief/how much we've been caught off guard by that despite how obvious it is to us all but it's okay catch up gal 'and I keep saying you can have me' because we have and we mean it] Jimmy: ['you say it but then you- look and gesture towards the door like you were literally trying to leave and you know we're thinking about when she properly left] Janis: ['I never wanna stay if you want me to leave' a pause like I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense now you've said that but 'because I wanna be with you a lot...like all the fucking time and-'] Jimmy: ['I don't want either of us to leave' the tea and also how sad and soft his voice would be about that because we think it's looming over us 'if I had any fucking choice, I'd pick this, just give me the same back'] Janis: [kissing him hard, but not JUST kissing him like we usually would when we can't say what we want/don't know what to say 'okay' just as sad but serious like this ain't no game 'I'm scared but okay'] Jimmy: [holding her but not JUST how he would when he doesn't want her to go 'it's alright, when you're about, I'm not' like you can be scared gal cos I feel safe with you and it's the only time I ever do so I've got this] Janis: ['that's why I am' from deep inside this hug like we barely saying it but we are] Jimmy: ['bit of pressure, I get it' because we know we're saying there that everything else is shit and you're the only good thing keeping us going and that's a lot] Janis: [shaking our head 'I mean-' big sigh 'cos even if we're drunk it's a lot to say '-the more amazing it is now, the more there's going to be to miss'] Jimmy: ['there were loads to miss ages ago' because lbr the moment you started this you were in too deep and deeper than you've been with anyone else 'it weren't like owt else I've felt kissing any other lass soon as we had that first go at it' drunkenly spilling that tea] Janis: ['Ive never felt anything before' 'cos likewise] Jimmy: ['alright, no need to one up me that hard' cos you don't believe that's even possible lowkey when she clearly feels so much with you] Janis: [soft nudge 'I can't help the truth'] Jimmy: [one back obvs 'as competitions go, not fuming to lose this one'] Janis: ['I have kissed other people' like don't think he thought you were saying that but okay] Jimmy: [a sound like yeah obvs/no shit because we weren't thinking that 'but they were shitter at it than whatever review of me you're gonna @ my ex for, I get it' because not letting go that she brought that up but we're not mad about it still just amused] Janis: ['must be' shrugs 'knock to the ego can't hurt' not gonna go drunk text him the shade though tah 'was not, I was just asking a question' like stop it but we're not mad really] Jimmy: ['I don't care about how them dickheads feel, her included, just you'] Janis: [smile 'I can get behind that'] Jimmy: [smile back 😍] Janis: ['you're the cutest person I've ever seen' and putting our fingers in his dimples like oop] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we can't help even as we shake our head because no gal you are 'need to look in the mirror more, you'] Jimmy: [lowkey trying to drag her to where the nearest mirror is like is that even this room or are you trying to go to the bathroom? boy shh] Janis: [don't actually wake this bub you're lowkey too drunk to deal with him boy, 'cos we're so amused and playfighting him as silently as we can like noooo 'you you you'] Jimmy: [thank god we made him deaf because Libi would 1000% be awake by now lol, just drunkenly taking so many pictures of her face and so many weird close ups as we playfight and showing her them all like no look it's you] Janis: [just a fight to delete them as if 1. you look bad in any really 2. he's just gonna post them all rn] Jimmy: [we know you just wanna fight so he can pin you again for that saucy throwback] Janis: [obvs, we do not need to deny] Jimmy: [we'll let you have that moment and ensuing hook up during which you can call her baby in a way that is not at all a pisstake for the first time because we're drunk and feelsy enough for this] Janis: [just die bye, safe to say you won't be trying to go anywhere after that] Jimmy: [you gotta snuggle and snooze and be happy]

[benevolent-dictator]

Late Night Thoughts on Dan and Phil: Fond Memories and Little More

     Before I get into the meat of this post, I want to include what I believe to be a critical preamble if one is to understand the bulk of this essay (and please understand, I use the term “essay” very loosely here. As you’ll quickly come to realize, it is more a haphazard collection of thoughts strung together in a more of less cohesive format). It’s important I lay out explicitly what this post is as opposed to what it is not: namely, the intent of this post is to act as a sort of analytical essay delineating my thoughts and opinions on the famous Youtubers Dan Howell’s and Amazingphil’s entertainment value rather than the merit of their characters themselves (and how I believe - for me personally - their entertainment value to have stagnated). 

     I feel this important to clarify because typically, when reading online analyses of internet personalities, critiques tend to fall into one of two camps: 1) value judgments placed upon a creator’s work/entertainment, or 2) value judgments placed upon a creator’s moral character. The perfect example of these two camps in action can be found in Lilly Singh and Jake Paul. Regardless of your own personal feelings surrounding the two online creators, I believe it fair to say the vast majority of criticism allotted to them illustrate the two camps rather nicely. For example, a not insignificant amount of people tend to dislike Lilly Singh for her lackluster entertainment value, i.e. the content she uploads to YouTube/broadcasts on her late night show. Although there does exist some backlash towards her standing as a moral actor (or lack thereof), when you enter her name into Youtube’s search feature, six out of the first ten recommended videos are all criticisms directed at how “unfunny” she is. Jake Paul, on the other hand, demonstrates the other school of thought: criticizing moral standing over entertainment value. Again, regardless of your personal views on Jake Paul’s character, it is undeniable that the vast majority of the backlash he receives centers around the immorality of his actions rather than how, “mundane” or “lackluster” his content. Therefore, I want to clarify that I am in no way attempting to use this post to discredit either Dan or Phil’s character. Instead, I wish to share my thoughts on their entertainment value as creators, and how - for me - I no longer find myself enchanted with their content. 

     Additionally, throughout the course of this post you’ll find that I often refer to Dan and Phil as a collective. I understand how this remains a point of contention throughout the fandom, for it remains a sad truth that oftentimes Phil (despite being his own autonomous individual/entertainer) gets lumped in with Dan who - in terms of subscriber count and sheer volume of fans - remains the more successful of the two. It is not my intent to relegate Phil to Dan’s shadow - rather, I find that many of the critiques I have for one cross-apply to the other, hence my frequent use of “Dan and Phil” instead of just Dan or just Phil.   

      Lastly, I would like to get ahead of the curve (should it ever arise) and placate the masses now while I have the opportunity. It is not my intent - and nor has it ever been my intent with any online criticisms - to disparage not only the creator, but their fans. I understand that there is still a thriving community of fans centered around the entertainment Dan and Phil put forth, and it is not my goal to shame anyone for their likes and preferences, or even to try to change your minds. This is not meant to be a persuasive essay: simply an analytical one (granted, one primarily propped up by my own biased opinions over statistical data, but I hope you are able to take the sum total of my assessments with a grain of salt and understand that just as you are welcome and encouraged to share your thoughts on the matter, I wish to be afforded that same generosity).  

     Now with that very important preamble out of the way (which, if you decided to skim, I would highly encourage you to go back and read it in full, for I believe it to have some rather crucial groundwork laid out) we can delve into the heart of the matter. In order to do so, I think it important to establish my background on this subject matter. Dan Howell was the first Youtuber I ever watched. I was still extremely new to YouTube as a platform at the time, and I remember scrolling through my homepage until I stumbled across a video titled, “Human Interaction.” From there, I was hooked. There really isn’t much to say from there; I immediately fell over myself watching video after video of his and, in the process, quickly discovered his flatmate Phil’s channel (or as we know him, Amazingphil). From the years 2013 to about late 2017 they were my all-time favorite Youtubers. As the years wore on I only subscribed to about ten other Youtubers because I felt so strongly that no other creator could capture the magic of what Dan and Phil uploaded. I watched all their videos, bought their merch, and, when the opportunity arose, even went to the Amazing Tour is Not on Fire. I still remember that night (seeing Dan and Phil burst on stage out of a giant prop microwave) as one of the happiest live-performance experiences of my life. My apathy towards both did not spring forth born out out of some heinous act either committed. Rather, it was a steady, almost innocuous decline. I feel as though I simply grew out of them. And here is where my first, and pretty much only real critique comes to light; both Dan and Phil’s content have remained stagnate. 

     Please do not misunderstand: I realize that Youtubers are real people, and to demand growth and change out of people who have arguably settled into who they want to be as adults would be rather unfair. Dan and Phil are not characters on a tv show - I don’t get to shake my fist at my laptop screen and gripe about “poor character arcs” or “slow seasons.” Dan and Phil are flesh and blood - they are not playing characters in a fictional universe. Sure, arguably all Youtubers (and any online persona) “put on a face” for the camera, but there’s a world of difference between, “forcing myself to be extra chipper for the next hour,” and acting out a character in a Hollywood writer’s script. On the one hand, there is a part of me that is happy Dan and Phil (after so many years of struggling with their identities) finally found happiness in themselves. However, if you’ll remember back to what I said in the preamble, that is not the point of this essay. 

     My apathy towards Dan and Phil lies not with their moral characters, but with their entertainment value, and for me personally, I find it hard to be entertained by what I find to be the same old content I was laughing at in 2013 repackaged into new scenarios and re-uploaded in 2020. Dan and Phil’s prize content was their ability to be so relatable. For Dan especially, I loved hearing him talk about how awkward he was around other people because that’s how I felt around the people in my own life. However, that did not last. I eventually grew out of my awkwardness and found a multitude of friends that I was able to be myself around, and in turn take that confidence I felt around them and project it onto others that came into my life, regardless of how well I knew them. Dan, as well as Phil, had lost the one thing that drew me to them in the first place: their ability to be relatable. Even so, during the latter half of the years during which I continued to watch their videos, there was something else that kept me around: their humor. I thought they were wonderfully funny, and even during my darkest hours I knew I could count on them to brighten my day. Yet, as the years I went by, I noticed that the subject matter of their humor remained pretty much the same as well. Most of their punchlines centered around the same handful of premises (for example, Dan joking about how black his soul is), and like I stated earlier, I had begun to grow tired of the stagnation. 

     One last time, I would like to recognize that what one person might call “stagnation” another would call “finding a niche,” and I respect that. Many people would argue that Dan and Phil simply stumbled across a specific niche years ago and have been fulfilling that hole glamorously nearly a decade later, and to that I say that’s wonderful! I think that’s a perfectly valid viewpoint to take! It just so happens that I do not share that same perspective.

     One of the many indicators in which I feel you can physically see how unchanged their videos have become is in Phil’s (it’s hard to judge Dan’s progression since his last video was uploaded about a year ago as of this post’s uploading). As of mid-2020, Phil’s editing has remained largely unchanged. He still uses the same sound effects, the same visual cues, the same editing tools, and after nearly a decade of watching, I’ve just begun to find it all stale. Even his video concepts remain largely unchanged. I understand that if he’s uploading much of the same content over years that must mean he’s making the content he wants to make, and I am happy he’s reached that point, but it is not the content for me. 

     All in all, this was a terribly long post that I had considered writing for a while now, and regardless if anyone even reads it, I figure, “Hey - I’ve written it, it’s off my chest, and now I can finally rest in peace.” I no longer find Dan and Phil relatable for the person I have grown into. I in no way regret all the years I spent loving their content and laughing at their antics. But when you look at Dan’s Tweets from around 2014 to now and see that his jokes have remained fairly unvaried, as have Phil’s, I no longer feel a connection to the two as I once had. Lastly, I do want to say that these opinions of mine are not solidified. Yes, this is how I feel now, and it is how I’ve felt for quite some time, but please do not mistake my current stance for me digging my heels in the sand to declare, “No! I have sworn off Dan and Phil and I shall never partake in their content again!” No, of course not! I’m always open to change, and if Dan and Phil suddenly take an enjoyable creative turn, I’d be happy to take a look. And what’s more, I’m a sucker for nostalgia, so I can definitely see myself popping on YouTube to watch an old Dan video or two, or an old Phil video or two, or a gaming channel video or two, or whatever! They will always leave me with fond memories - memories I will take with me for years to come.

[hivany3000-2019-blog]

My Personal Interpretation Journey

          Throughout this course, we have learned a variety of interpretive skills that range from improving our communication to learning about effective ways to engage your participants in programs. Ethic is described as being a set of morals that are related throughout a specified field. With this in mind, my personal ethic as a nature interpreter surrounds being the most hard-working and inclusive interpreter I can be. I want to continue to develop skills that allow me to take information available and communicate it effectively to a variety of individuals. In terms of the beliefs that I bring to nature interpretation, I want to focus on three main ideas.  

One: Effective interpretation occurs in a place of inclusivity and encouragement  

         The first one is my belief that effective interpretation takes place in a space that is inclusive and encouraging. With that being said, I think by creating inclusive opportunities for individuals, it creates a space where connections with nature can occur freely. As mentioned in the course lectures, each individual contains an “invisible backpack”. This is where each of us contains a set of tools in our backpacks that we have, these tools can either be advantageous or the lack of tools can put us at a disadvantage. I believe it is important to create programs where it can accommodate as many people as possible. While keeping in mind that not everyone has the same resources, this definitely makes it difficult to create programs but is well worth it! Especially if it means that you can help to create as many nature connections as possible.  

         In the same mindset, I believe that it is important to have an idea of your audience's background. This is critical when delivering effective programs as it allows you to better achieve your purpose. By knowing the background, you can create a better space of inclusivity that ultimately allows you to most effectively encourage your participants throughout the program. I feel that knowing your audience helps to create a space that includes everyone.  

Two: Communicate your passion  

         The second one revolves around my belief that nature interpretation stems from the ability of the interpreter to take their passions and communicate effectively. In the textbook, authors describe one of the gifts of interpretation to be passion. This describes effective communication stemming from the passion of the interpreter to share their knowledge in an effective way. I believe that it is important to have not only passion for the subject that you are sharing but also passion for wanting to connect participants to that subject. In the lab with Chris Early, I found it extremely interesting how he expressed that it would be excellent to have both of those passions all the time when delivering programs. However, you can help to create nature connections in areas that you are less passionate about (for me this is soil applications) by containing a passion or drive for connecting people to the environment. In my personal ethic as a nature interpreter, I believe that you need to be passionate about creating connections with people and the environment (in whatever area that may be).  

Three: Creating respect through connections  

         The third belief that I have is sparking a connection between an individual and nature. This allows the individual to connect through experiences and helps to teach them that we should respect the environment. It is well known that our anthropogenic influence can drastically change the environments in which we interact with. Thus, through nature interpretation, I believe that it is important to instill a sense of environmental stewardship or respect. As interpreters, we should be able to take the place that we are delivering a program in and create a connection between the participant and the environment. Thus, by creating this connection we are encouraging the participant to deeply appreciate and respect the environment through personal experience. An effective way to do this would be to deliver programs that focus on providing hands-on opportunities. Events such as tree planting, water studies, or bug studies are excellent ways for participants to connect to the environment. It is important to instill a sense of respect and love towards the environment and I believe that nature interpreters can do this through helping to create nature connections.  

         Overall, I feel as though my ethic or set of morals related to the field of nature interpretation throughout the course has definitely changed from what I would originally have expressed at the beginning. I feel as though I have a deeper understanding of the amount of passion, dedication, and research that it truly takes to effectively communicate or connect people to nature. This being said, there are some main responsibilities as a nature interpreter that I believe are important to always keep in mind. Some of which include: 

Being inclusive and adaptive  

Encouraging nature connections through self-exploration or guided tours  

Providing a safe space for learning and expanding knowledge  

Accepting that you will never know everything and to continually learn and grow  

Conduct background research, prepare, and plan out programs (to the best of your ability). This will allow you to deliver the most effective program.  

And many more!  

         Lastly, I will touch on the approach to nature interpretation that I feel is most effective for myself. As most of you know, there are three major learning styles. The first being visual learners which include individuals that learn best through seeing and watching. The second is an auditory learner which learns best with listening. The third is a kinesthetic learner that connects best with touching and interacting with things. It would be most effective when interpreting nature to incorporate all three of these learning styles into programs. However, I understand that it is not always practical to do this, and some activities work best with specific styles of learning. Throughout the course, we have experienced a variety of labs that include, the arboretum (parts aimed towards auditory learners, through the bird game), the downtown walk (also aimed towards auditory learners but also visual through a tour style), the art gallery (auditory and visual), and the indoor lab (aimed towards kinesthetic learners through participating in activities that involve interacting with objects). After being able to observe other interpreters deliver programs throughout a range of subjects, I have concluded that there is not one approach that I feel is most suitable to myself. Although, I have found that I prefer to incorporate or have programs incorporate hands-on learning activities. In terms of being a participant in programs, I prefer that they incorporate some aspects of kinesthetic learning. However, I also enjoy when those programs utilize visual and auditory cues. If I were to deliver a program to a group of participants, I would prefer to incorporate a hands-on activity. Although, I do see the benefit of incorporating auditory and visual cues to help connect the most amount of people I can to the content being shared.  

         To conclude this course, I have realized that what I thought I knew about nature interpretation was only the surface. To ultimately understand and appreciate the reach that nature interpreters have is far too much to do in this short period of time (one semester). However, I do feel like I have gained a deeper appreciation for those who share their passions (more specifically environmental ones) with the world! The main takeaway from this course for me would be that interpretation covers a wide range of subjects. But, to become a successful nature interpreter it only requires you to have a passion (of anything) and a passion to communicate and help create connections within others!  

         I am interested in your main take-aways from this course. Please share them with me, since interpretation can take on so many different forms and touch people in different ways, I am interested in how you feel with this course concluding.  

References

“The Gifts of Interpretation” by Larry Beck and Ted T. Cable. 3rd Edition, Copyright 2011.

[themagiciansreccenter]

The Great Blank Spot: @highestkingbambi

So much goes into creating fanfiction even before the first words hit the paper. And in-depth spotlight on our writers and the process behind their work.

Tell us about your current project.

I’m currently working on a multi-chapter hardboiled style fic that I have called The Lamb in the Wolfskin Coat. Set in late 1940s Los Angeles, it follows Margo Hanson, a PI, and her assistant Eliot Waugh as they look into the disappearance of Quentin Coldwater. It’s one great big Alternate Universe that features many characters from the shows and books in a hopefully suspenseful and interesting story.

We’re well into the creation period for The Trials. Are you participating? If so, is this your submission? What Tier did you select?

This is my fic for The Trials, though I did start conceptualizing and wrote the first couple of chapters prior to the official start. I decided to keep it for The Trials as I’m not the most consistent writer and needed a hard deadline to finish the whole thing.

I selected Tier 2 for this story. As soon as I started putting it together I knew it would need more than 25,000 words to tell the story.

What is your current word count?

As of posting, I’m at 29,004 words and I still have a few chapters to go.

Do you try to write daily? Do you have a word count or other goals you try to hit for each writing session?

I do try to write daily, but it doesn’t always work out that way. When I first started, I had a goal to write 1,500 words per week but I haven’t stuck to that. Some days I’ll write 2-3k other days all I can do is open the document.

What was the inspiration for this fic?

The entirety of the blame for this fic lies with @gwendolynflight. Just kidding, but for real, she started talking about a fic of hers in a similar genre and all of a sudden the seed was planted in my brain and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I’ve also taken a few cues from some classic and modern hard-boiled/noir books and movies including but not limited to The Maltese Falcon, The Big Sleep, Notorious, and The Black Dahlia.

Did this fic require any research? How much research do you typically do for your fics?

So much research! As V can attest, I have gone on long-winded research journeys into elements as varied as 1940s dry cleaning processes to the cost of a ballpoint pen. I know for a fact that I’m not going to get everything right, but I have tried to be as accurate as I can to make the story feel authentic.

How do you stay motivated between chapters/stories?

A large amount of my motivation for this fic, in particular, has been the support and encouragement of other writers in The Magicians fandom. Without that, I probably would have given up a long time ago. Another huge motivation has been the WIP of some of the artwork my Trials partner has shared with me so far. It’s stunning and I’m so excited for us to share it with everyone once we’re done.

Outside of fandom, I try to stay motivated by surrounding myself with inspiration material, cosplaying as some of my characters. (Yes, I do own a fedora and a trench coat--no shame.) My husband is also a great motivator and by great motivator I mean he’s constantly nagging me about how much I’ve written and gets me off my ass to write some more.

[Outside of the Trials] Do you typically write ahead or post as you go?

I am not great at multi-chapter fics. In the past, I have gone out guns blazing, posting as I finish each chapter and it has not gone well, to say the least. I’m trying to write ahead now, as I still have one WIP sitting unfinished on AO3 because I ran out of steam and after a tea related accident, I no longer have my outline or any idea what I was supposed to be writing.

How much planning and outlining did you do before you started putting words on paper?

I’m not a planner. I get a rough idea of what I want, maybe write a handful of notes and then go full steam ahead on the first draft. With this fic, I did write a more in-depth outline after I had written about 10,000 words, but since then I have changed so much that the outline is basically a different story altogether. As a visual person, I mostly conceive of the work in images, which doesn’t always translate well to a rough written outline.

Has it been pretty smooth sailing or rough waters? When things get rocky, how do you handle needing to rewrite sections or scrap scenes entirely?

A mix of both. Some chapters have been super easy to write, with the words I put down matching exactly what I have in my mind, others have...not been so easy. One of my biggest challenges has been maintaining Margo’s voice in a wholly different universe to canon and essentially whenever I lose that, my writing stalls.

I can be pretty ruthless with writing that I don’t like and if it’s not working, I’ll cut it and leave a copy in my outline in case I need it later on. I’m leaving a lot of that to the very end though, I’m trying not to be too nitpicky with my edits while I’m still working on the draft so that I don’t end up too sidetracked--I already have enough of that with the research.

Teaser

Finding a reporter in Los Angeles was almost as easy as finding an aspiring actor. In a city where films were made and gangsters ruled, there was never a shortage of stories, or someone to write them down. The problem was finding someone objective. Freedom of the press only went so far as their freedom to take bribes from Jack Warner to Mickey Cohen and every asshole in between. With her gut telling her that the Quinn case had something to do with Quentin Coldwater’s disappearance, Margo didn’t need information from someone with a mysterious backer. She needed someone she could trust. Unfortunately for her, the most objective reporter in Los Angeles didn’t like private detectives.

The Great Blank Spot is an in-depth spotlight focusing on the writing process and previewing in-progress fics for our fandom. It is meant to be an organic, ever-evolving feature. Previously interviewed fic writers can reach out to us here, to have a specific work featured. If you’d like to have a work featured but haven’t done the author spotlight, reach out to us to get started. If you have suggestions for questions you’d like to see answered, shoot us an ask!

Image credit (x) (x) (x)

[cinenthusiast]

Previous Top Ten By Year lists: 1935, 1983, 1965, 1943, 1992, 1978, 1925, 1969 1930

Previous Top Ten By Year: 1949 Posts: Top Ten By Year: 1949 – Poll Results 100 Images from the Films of 1949 What I’ll Remember About the Films of 1949: A Love Letter #10. The Queen of Spades (UK/Dickinson) #9. Rendezvous in July (Becker)/Au royaume des cieux (Duvivier) (France) #8. Too Late for Tears (US / Haskin) #7. The Heiress (US / Wyler) #6. The Set-Up (US / Wise) #5. Caught (US / Ophüls)

For those unaware of my Top Ten By Year project: The majority of my viewing habits have been dictated by this project since September of 2013. Jumping to a different decade each time, I choose comparatively weaker years for me re: quantity of films seen/quantity of films loved. I use list-making as a way to see more films and revisit others in a structured and project-drive way. I was sick of spending too much time trying to decide what to watch, or watching films just to cross them off another dumb canon list. I wanted to engage. I wanted films to be enhanced by others, by looking at a specific moment in time. I wanted something that led me to seeing or revisiting things I might not have gotten to otherwise. Lastly, my lists are based on personal favorites, not any weird notion of an objective best.

This is the first year I’ll be doing separate posts for each film. #9 will go up Monday. After that, one will go up each day until the end. Then I’ll post them all together so they are gathered in one place. There are a lot of films I loved that did not make the cut. In particular, Flamingo Road, Such a Pretty Little Beach, On the Town, Inspirace, The Reckless Moment, Reign of Terror, The Rocking Horse Winner, and Samson and Delilah are all films I thought at one point would be on here. Of all of these, Flamingo Road was a sure thing until it wasn’t at the very last minute. Please go watch it.

#4. The Passionate Friends (UK / Lean) (first-time viewing)

Playing image association with David Lean’s The Passionate Friends conjures up an a jellyfish and its streamer arms, weightless in the ocean. Maybe it’s because I cast the image of Mary (Ann Todd) out on the balcony, billowing curtain in the foreground as she says goodbye to a different life once and for all, over the whole film. But there’s more to it than that. That wind and those floating curtains are just part of the visual language Lean uses to represent the life Mary doesn’t choose. There is the gentle ripple of the water, the outstretched tree branches that create particles of shadow, and the impossible majesty of the Swiss Alps. They are all part of the sensuality and openness of nature, the choice not made. The jellyfish is a clumsy descriptor, but maybe it’s fitting that I struggle to describe a film that seems to exist in the ethereal.

The Passionate Friends shows the ways time and memory play off each other in the psyche. Just as the properties of nature have the power to signal shifts in thought, atmosphere and objects can become tickets to elsewhere. The Set-Up uses time in the most confining of ways; the emotional lives of its characters are tethered to what is happening within those fateful seventy-three minutes. The Passionate Friends uses time as a structural and thematic bedrock; the subjectivity of its characters become inextricable from the past and the never-was.

The film confused some viewers when it was released (even for the flashback frenzy of the 40s, this was a lot to take in). We begin in Switzerland and travel back nine years, and then (for a brief time) another nine years. We then follow the same route back; nine years forward, and another nine to Switzerland for the final act. The structure recalls John Stahl’s The Locket, another 1940s film that uses to-and-fro flashbacks. The Locket gets more complicated by shifting perspectives as well as time. But The Passionate Friends not only forgoes most standard flashback cues, it even intercuts moments of imagined conversations and actions as characters traverse through humiliation and regret in the exact moments they are felt.

These forays into the internal both jolt and wash over the characters (and us), as inner lives and the autonomy of human emotion are wont to do. Lean always makes sure that the exterior communicates the interior. In an early scene, Mary sits in the carriage next to her husband, doused in darkness and boxed in by both the frame and the shroud of her veil. Barely visible, she is lost in reflections that hurt. Then we’re in the past, and we can feel the sensuality of nature everywhere. It is so bright; Mary and Steven are young and in love. Sunlight covers them, and branches shade them. Together they create a shimmering screen (seen above) that recalls the curtain of the first still (an image that comes much later in the film), and the veil that envelopes Mary in the carriage. In The Passionate Friends, images call back and signal to each other constantly. The veil is the curtain is the sun and shade. It is all of a piece.

All of a sudden there is a whistling screech as the carriage stops short. We are yanked back to the present the exact moment Mary is. There is no pomp and circumstance, no smooth transition. It is cruel, and we feel the loneliness of that carriage so much more. Compare this to how A Letter to Three Wives initiates flashbacks (also from 1949 with an advanced flashback structure); the autotune distortion of a repeated phrase hypnotizes us into and out of the past. There is the slow blur of the frame, a go-to sign that a flashback is coming our way. Lean doesn’t hand-hold. He wants to put you in the viscous of the emotional. The drift-in and shock-out of memory is faithful to Mary’s state of mind. We are with her — truly with her. The Passionate Friends is full of filmmaking that administers a psychic and emotional immediacy, a surprising early onset example of the discontinuous editing that would be en vogue in decades to come.

The Passionate Friends is a human drama rich enough for me to have seen drastically different takeaways on both its characters and its depiction of love and romance. The Passionate Friends is in that Daisy Kenyon class of “it’s complicated”, a sensual film about unsensual people. A film about repeating choices. There are no easy answers, just a lot of messy and contradictory feelings and desires. It’s not about the kinds of love we like to dream about, though it initially fools you into thinking it is. There is a different kind of love happening here, a sturdier love that sneaks up on both sides of the screen, borne out of epiphanies that have their own kind of beauty.

Mary knowingly gives up love for autonomy, money, and comfort with Howard Justin (Claude Rains). Their marriage is amicable, providing her with the kind of emotional freedom she needs and the finer things she wants. When we first meet her she’s on a plane to Switzerland. She sits in luxury, spoiled by “White bread. Butter. Cream!”. A big bowl of fruit even sneaks into the frame. She is, literally, in the clouds. One could argue this is the most openly passionate she appears in the entire film. This is the life she chose and the life she ultimately wants. There are no external forces preventing Steven and Mary from being together. Howard is not a tyrant. Freedom is always hers, including the choice to leave. She never does.

But every nine years she is destined to almost choose Steven (Trevor Howard), the pleasant professor of humble means. Mary’s trouble is the curse of knowing who you are, and knowing that the love you want isn’t the love for you (“I’ve always been a little hard”). Or thinking that you know that about yourself. Sometimes she seems to hold herself back, as if knowing this about herself has simply closed her off to what is possible. Mary and Steven can only exist in the “what if?”, but her self-assessment seems so absolute as to forbid any warmth in her life. For her, passion means first and foremost a loss of control and selfhood. She needs to belong to herself, an objective for a woman rarely understood today let alone then, and one that positions Mary as an outsider in the world.

How much is there really between Steven and Mary? As with so many romances, their feelings remain strong because they are left unprocessed. What could have been likely remains so much stronger than what would have been. Lean connects them metaphysically; dissolves erase the space between them as they think of each other in their respective solitude. Any time she is in the open air, the memory of Steven surrounds her (even if she doesn’t know it). Despite Lean’s lean (I’ll see myself out) into these romanticisms, The Passionate Friends is not a film about lost love. It’s more about mourning the type of person you long to be but aren’t (and can’t we all relate to that?!). Not being with Steven isn’t necessarily about not being with Steven; it’s about feeling passion and desire but not being able to live by that.

The juxtaposition between the life she chose and the life she didn’t can be seen at the New Year’s Eve ball (the scene always referenced in relation to Phantom Thread). On the ground floor she is seen catching up with her one-time soulmate. It is anarchy; they have to yell their pleasantries at each other, and there are Josef Von Sternberg amounts of balloons and streamers everywhere. In keeping with the spontaneous spirit of the event, they soon get split up. Soon after, we see her up in a box with Howard (Claude Rains is introduced looking like an old-school Count, beginning the film’s sly misdirect of his character). The prince and princess looking down on their subjects have such a different energy from the one below. Not cold, but congenial and removed. She looks down longingly, wanting to be part of the ruckus but knowing she wouldn’t know how. She defines herself as belonging to the lofty box that is lacking. It is not a longing that says “why didn’t I choose that?”. It is a longing that says “why can’t I be like them?”.

Steven may love Mary, but he doesn’t really know her. At one point Mary says to him “you don’t really know me at all”. At another point Howard says to him “you don’t know her”. Mary expresses this again later on, stating “we’re practically strangers to each other”. When he receives a letter from Mary in which she breaks off the relationship, he goes to Howard and accuses him of having made her write the letter. I mean, that’s how it always is in these love stories, isn’t it? The tyrant husband holds his wife prisoner or blackmails her into staying? Hell, that’s what Robert Ryan does to Barbara Bel Geddes in Caught! But there are no conventions of the Gothic or the Doomed Romance here. Just a woman making a choice — the same choice. It doesn’t mean she won’t think and dream of Steven on lonely nights. And it doesn’t mean she’ll never stop wondering about what could have been, and there will always be a sense of something lost.

But Howard does know her, and there are untapped waters between them. Claude Rains starts out as the cuckolded husband (we are teased with riffs on his Notorious character). Then, gradually, he emerges as the film’s true soul (Steven is never afforded much perspective while Howard increasingly is). Lean and Rains fully embody Howard’s intense humiliation and betrayal as he starts to reinterpret his own feelings towards Mary. As his pain turns to rage, hers turns to disorientation. He is driven to deliver two  shocking speeches in opposition to each other. She is driven to the brink by no longer belonging. It all crescendos in a spectacular whirlwind of emotional agony where absolute vulnerability and fate intervened reveal the power to reset. Steven is gone. This isn’t what we expected with who we expected. But like I said, The Passionate Friends belongs in that Daisy Kenyon category of “it’s complicated”.

Top Ten By Year: 1949 #4 – The Passionate Friends (UK / Lean) Previous Top Ten By Year lists: 1935, 1983, 1965, 1943, 1992, …

[artofdigression]

I’m 23 years old.  The 2 years leading up to now have been a complete whirlwind, but somehow, in this time, an actual music career has begun.   I’m a composer, a producer, a singer, a songwriter, a visual artist - among many labels.

I sit in front of my piano.  I know how to play all of 2 pieces - Gnossiennes 1 & 2 by Erik Satie.  I learned them by ear 4 years ago while working the reception desk of an art gallery that had two baby grand pianos hidden underneath the stairs.  I would get bored when no one else was in the gallery and venture down.

In my studio, I have piles of introductory music books, minuets and ballads laying around - some given to me at a young age, some passed down by dead relatives who knew I had a ‘good ear’  - or were maybe too dead to give a shit about where their old sheet music went by the time I got my hands on it.

I decide, for what feels like the 100th time, that I will learn how to read music.  

I had my first piano lesson when I was 10 years old.  My piano teacher was nice - a young, lanky, 20-something music student who wore beanie hats and played electric guitar in a rock band.  I thought he was pretty much the coolest and wanted to be him.  Unfortunately, I don’t think he was particularly ‘stoked’ in the same capacity to work with me.  I had very little enthusiasm for any of the mind-numbingly boring rudimentary theory curriculum, the limited repertoire I had to choose from (away in a manger or… the other version of away in a manger) made me want to rip my hair out, and reading sheet music would send my mind into kaleidoscope-vision.

I would also have kaleidoscope-vision in school. I struggled with school.   I was a rambunctious little human.  My attention span was uncontrollable (unless we were reading or drawing, then I absolutely paid attention). Looking over old report cards, there was a lot of ‘needs to stay on task’  and ‘could use help with organization’  - anecdotal pieces of advice I heard so much, I think the meanings eventually became hollow to me (or maybe the meanings were just hollow to begin with).  

Getting me to sit still for 30 minutes was an excruciating feat for any adult in my life, so 2 hours? 3 hours? 6 hours? Good god, I wanted to climb the walls.  When the teacher would start talking, I would look past their gaze - into Lala Land as adults disdainfully called it.  (I still deeply hate calling it Lala Land, but, for continuity purposes, we’re going to reclaim the name in neon lights.)

Lala Land was great.  Real life?  Not so much.  In real life, from third grade until high school graduation, my teachers (with the exception of 3 gems) were blatantly judgemental of me.  They’d think nothing of admonishing me in front of my peers if I fidgeted or looked out a window.  

Because the amount of physical energy I had was not conducive to a classroom environment, I learned to dissociate from my body.  Because looking out a window meant I was not looking at a chalkboard, I learned to look past the chalkboard to find Lala Land, its neon letters burning behind my absent gaze. Past the letters, there would be a window. I could look out the window and its glass panes could evaporate and autumn’s leafy gusts of wind could sweep me away and I’d never have to worry about a messy desk or a missed assignment or classroom of judgemental eyes looking at me again.  The next day’s fantasy would be the same, but different.

Children’s imaginations are often playful and fantastical.  Take a kid with a traumatized brain, however - and imagination can give them a seemingly supernatural ability to create, in their mind, what they need for emotional survival.  That was me.

There were parts of my childhood that were truly blissful, gorgeous, hilarious and nurturing.  But I’d be denying you, dear reader, important context if I didn’t tell you that a significant part of my young formative years was steeped in grief, chaos and abandonment.  I assure you need not build castles in the air in understanding that I was a child with a traumatized brain.  And though I was surviving, trauma had created a faceless, nameless internal chaos for me that I didn’t truly even recognize until adulthood.  Trauma changes the way brains function. That’s a lot for a kid to be dealing with.

In piano lessons, my teacher would sit with me and we would go over the theory of a piece of sheet music - that was my brain’s cue to look past the kaleidoscope paper, nodding “yes, mhm, got it.” But then, when he’d clap the rhythm of the piece, my brain would engage and I’d clap the same rhythm back, no problem.  After that, he would play the piece for me as an example - this was where my brain would hyper-focus.  I would retain, retain, retain, and I would play the piece back, not reading a note, but looking past the page all the same. This wasn’t a ploy to dupe him. This was a system of which neither of us were consciously aware. I was just 10, and playing piano.

Outside of school, I was different.  I was encouraged to sing, I would go to my parents’ choir practices every week and sit in the pews of Saint Mary’s Church and listen to 30 voices reverberate through it.  I would shoot the shit with adults and carry around books about Roman mythology and Egyptian hieroglyphs and I would talk about how I wanted to travel the whole world and I would make 1-page comics and I would dress up my dog and I loved the ballet costumes from Stravinsky’s Firebird and… I digress.  

Outside of school, I was different. Music calmed my internal landscape enough for me to be myself.  No - actually, music calmed my immediate surroundings enough for me to make sense of my internal landscape… Actually, both.

On a borrowed piano, I would sit and endlessly ear out songs (Carmen, movie soundtracks I liked, songs my mom sang, etc).  I would walk into my Saturday lesson and proudly showcase the self-taught triumphs of Sunday through Friday for my teacher, only to be met with a brief pat on the back and the god-damn sheet music to 'away in a manger’ - which I still hated and still couldn’t read, but played anyway.  After 5 months, I eventually made it clear to all parties involved that I was done with piano, and my parents finally gave into my weekly protests.

When I was 7th grade, I started playing french horn in the school band and, for whatever reason, continued for 6 and a half years.  I still saw through a kaleidoscope when I got a piece of music, but there was one other french horn player in my class so I usually copied what she did - Unless we had different parts in which case I fumbled constantly through band practice until I finally figured out what I was playing.  Band, generally, had a negative impact on my relationship with music.  I think the only reason I stuck with it was because the feeling of playing music with such a large group of people triggered some kind of dopamine rush that my brain loved.  I would get ASMR - auto sensory meridian response - also known as “that fuzzy, warm, calm feeling in the centre of your brain” - some folks experience it and some folks don’t.

A lot of changes in my home life happened in that 6-and-a-half-year period.  After years of week-on, week-off pivots between my mother and father’s separate homes, my father permanently moved to Sweden when I was 13.  My mother became my primary parent while dealing with the loaded blows of bankruptcy and multiple reckonings around her own life challenges.  We moved into a home that had completely gutted walls and plywood floors (left unfinished by previous tenants with renovation goals too ambitious to finish).  The situation was chaotic.  So, so chaotic.  But, from that time up to now, my mother was (and continues to be) an incredible support to me.  She could see that I was struggling, and did everything in her power to advocate for me when I couldn’t advocate for myself.  I can only imagine the feeling of knowing something is not right with your child and being told by everyone around you that your child is fine.  Her support was integral.

When I was in 9th grade, she and my homeroom teacher (also a phenomenal support to me at the time) pulled some strings to have an initial psychological assessment performed on me - not technically “official” - as it was conducted by a student of psychology, I recall - nevertheless, it provided enough insight to validate that there was an underlying dissonance between what most of my teachers were saying about me (lazy, bad attitude, etc) and what was actually going on in my head, and that a formal assessment would be necessary to help me. My name was put on the waiting list for a psychologist that year.  But, the entire island had only 1 or 2 psychologists available (Totally appalling).  And so I waited... And waited... And waited...   And while I waited, I continued to find refuge in my visual art practice, as well as learning other instruments on my own terms.  

I refuse to say something cliche like “art  and music saved my life” because creativity isn’t a sustainable singular lifeline for anyone, and believing so feeds into the highly problematic mental health stigma as it pertains to those who create for a living...  But art and music did play key roles in tempering my inner storms.  Now, as a musician, I allow my craft to be a teacher, not a therapist.

When I was 16, I went to my first voice lesson.  I kept at it for a year, and… excelled? I totally excelled - personally and musically. This did wonders for my confidence (I attribute a lot of that to my voice teacher at the time, who had a really supportive and receptive approach to my weird energy levels and the idiosyncratic ways I learned). I did festivals, took a Royal Conservatory exam - and I was still excelling, which honestly shocked me at the time because I was so used to failing everything.  

Oh, also, I could still barely read the music.  Kaleidoscopic forever.  

Many classically trained musicians describe the experience of being overwhelmed when they get a new piece of music (especially if it has theory components they may not be familiar with or something) - totally normal. But then, they concentrate, deconstruct it from the page section-by-section and eventually learn to play it with neurotypical grace. Deconstructing written music on the page to understand what was happening became a little bit less nauseating as I was exposed to it more.  I WORKED at theory and understood parts of it, but only… theoretically.   Being able to transcribe that (limited) understanding into playing?  That never happened for me.  The page would remain kaleidoscopic until it felt like my brain was just going to short-circuit and cave in on itself.  It was weird, and trying to describe to anyone in band class (teachers and students alike) made me feel like I was on a different planet.  So, when the heat was on (whether that was in performance or in private lessons or “sight singing”) I kept relying on my ears and refined my ability to hold my own in band concerts, private voice lessons, choirs, musical theatre productions.  

Meanwhile, in high school, my academic life was still basically the worst.  I had adversarial relationships with nearly all of my teachers. I barely passed each year.  Emotionally, I also had a lot of anger seething below the surface of my consciousness.  I had internalized so much of what so many teachers had told me - that I was smart but lazy, that I had a bad attitude, that I was disruptive, distracted, manipulative etc.  - and having gone through some pretty drastic events that effectively destabilized my home life, this all had a profoundly negative impact on my self-worth.

One year later, I was 17, in 12th grade and school issues had not gotten any better (still muddling through - grades between 40% and 60%).   I had just given up at this point… Except now, instead of having the teachers before, who were mostly unhelpful, but at least straight-up about being judgemental of me based on my “laziness” diagnosis, I had a haul of teachers that were giving me these new weekly out-in-the-hall John Keating-wannabe-motivational speeches, telling me how much “potential I have” and how “I’m wasting it away” by “not trying” in class (every hollow pull-up-your-socks/nose-to-grindstone idiom in the book.  It was infuriating at the time).  I’m sure most of them just wanted to help.  But I needed someone to listen more than I needed someone to talk at me.  

A helpful thing that DID come out of 12th grade (4 years after my name had been put on the list… shoutout to our provincial government for still not caring about investing in public mental health) was that I finally got access to a provincial psychologist.  She came during the second semester of grade 12 and did extensive testing on me to find (surprise! but… not really) ADHD - which explained the colossal difficulties I was having in my academic life due to my chaotic brain not letting me get my shit together in the ways I was being told by neurotypical folks around me to get my shit together.

For those that aren’t informed about ADHD - it’s a form of neurodivergence that can manifest in too many ways to name here, but to fit an elephant in a minivan:  There’s that part of the brain that naturally helps you regulate your attention/concentration/sleep/energy levels/appetite/feelings/working memory/pretty much anything remotely involving executive functioning… That’s nice, right?  I wouldn’t know because apparently mine’s broken. There is also extensive research that directly links ADHD to childhood trauma, as well as biochemical imbalances in the brain.  

I could get all in-depth about ADHD science right here, but this is my story, not an essay,  and it would make for an even longer and more digressive tangent that would likely overshadow THE OTHER SIGNIFICANT THING the psychologist noted in my evaluation.

Amidst a bunch of my brain skills that were, statistically, above average for my age - like my working vocabulary and ability to retain auditory information - many of my visual processing skills - meaning, things like reading something and copying it down accurately or following written instructions without constantly needing to reference them - were shockingly below average for my age.  The tests showed that this was something my brain had immense difficulty doing.  

What’s an example of a visual processing issue in school? Well, I was always the last kid to finish copying text from the board (and I mean, like, multiple paragraphs behind my peers) before the teacher could move on to the next page.  

What’s an example of a visual processing issue in music?  Reading written notes and playing them on an instrument.  When I heard a piece of music, however, I could learn it very quickly.  

Knowing what was going on in my brain brought me a whole world of clarity and validation.  I knew that I was going to lead an unconventional life because of it (whatever “a conventional life” means these days).  I knew that most post-secondary education would be inaccessible to me as a result of my grades and probably be, at that point, more harmful than helpful.  

Knowing what was going on in my brain helped me to understand what I didn’t need anymore.  I didn’t need the validation of my teachers or my peers.  I didn’t need a number on any piece of paper to determine my competence or ‘work ethic.’  

Letting go of school was the best thing I’ve done for myself.

I graduated high school with nothing but a 64% average, and an ADHD diagnosis as my only tools in understanding how to get on a path to thriving as an adult human.  liberating. frustrating. terrifying - but not really. mostly liberating.

Then, my ADHD became manageable and my life got easy and I had no self-esteem issues ever again.  

… No.  That’s not how life works.  I’m 23 years old. I’ve been out of the school system for 6 years. I have deeply instilled productivity guilt (ie. I take on way more tasks than humanly possible to finish in ridiculously tight deadlines), I struggle with anxiety in thinking that friends and coworkers are saying negative things about my personality or quality of work behind my back (maybe my exes and high school math teachers are hanging out?? THE HORROR), my heart sinks into my stomach anytime any human watches me work over my shoulder (I’m a music producer, so if I’m working on songs with people, I become a blundering internal wreck when they understandably want to see what I’m editing). School did those things to me - which leads me into the accountability part of this long-winded ADHD realtalk.

I’d be withholding the truth from you if I didn’t say my teachers played key roles in aggravating my behavioural/emotional/learning difficulties by disputing them as personality flaws.  My frustration in learning would be met, at worst, with punishment and put-downs (I remember not having recess for nearly an entire week somewhere in the first half of 4th grade - which I think is a cruel thing to do to any child, let alone one with energy levels like mine).  I would be met, at best, with more hollow, invalidating advice - more ‘need to stay on task’ with a twist of ‘gotta give it yer all’ and ‘well, maybe if you actually tried…’

None of these messages sent to me were helpful.  I’m still working to unravel those knots.

This is not a dig at those teachers who saw me as the problem child (rather than seeing me as a kid who just needed support and a different work environment. There were about 3 teachers in 10 years who understood that, and did everything in their power to help.  They know who they are and I’m grateful for them.)  I understand how frustrating it is to be pushed to your limit - especially within the bounds of a job that requires you to keep your shit together in some capacity.  I understand that we that we all do our best with the tools we have at the time.  There are no hard feelings - But, I encourage self-reflection and future accountability for your impact on the way you treat any child in your life - because they are just that: a child.  Your impact can be profoundly helpful or harmful.  You will never know what a child is going through until they feel safe enough to tell you.  I didn’t feel safe with many adults - which is why most of my relationships with authority were adversarial ones.  I’m not offering a solution.  I’m just offering a glimpse into my experience.  That’s all this is.  Take it or leave it.

When a child is told again and again by the daily authoritative figures in their life that they have an attitude problem, that they are disruptive, lazy, manipulative, attention-seeking, a liar, a cheater (the list can go on but I won’t let it) - I guarantee you, the child will eventually believe it.  And I did.  I deeply internalized these labels to the point of identifying with them.  I’m still working hard as an adult to remind myself that while many of my teachers accused me of causing chaos in my learning environment, I was simply (and unknowingly) mirroring my own internal chaos.  The chaos I had created around me was a cry for help, not admonishment.  

To further the accountability segment of this experience I’m sharing with you, though I can’t offer a solution to “fix” the institution of public education (because institutions generally don’t function unless they’re flawed to begin with), I think a set of solutions may lie somewhere within trauma-informed and neurodivergence-informed teaching and the public school system being provided with the adequate resources to embrace neurodivergent students - to embrace traumatized students, not accommodate them.  I think a set of solutions may lie somewhere within mental health being taken seriously (with FUNDING, not lip service) by the Government of Prince Edward Island.   That’s all I’ll say for now.

I don’t think my experience is special - far from it.  In fact, I know that my experience is not, and never will be one-of-a-kind.  I started writing this when I sat in front of a piano and tried to do what my brain would never let me do.  I looked past the page and saw this part of my life staring back at me.  I’m not even a writer, but I felt like I had to write it down.   Looking back, I realize that I didn’t even begin to understand my own story until someone else told me theirs.

So - whether you’re a teacher or a student or both - if you’re struggling in the school system, this is dedicated to you.  If you have been turned away and invalidated by those supposed to help you, you need to know that the labels placed upon you only hold as much power over you as you allow.  Being pained by what you can’t control doesn’t make you weak, it makes you a survivor.  Surviving is hard. Surviving is so hard, but you will begin to heal.

I’m 23 years old.  I’m many things. I read music with my ears.  I’m mastering the art of looking past what’s in front of me.  

- Russell Louder

[caffeine-and-swingouts-blog]

COMS 101- This quarters plan(s)

https://www.markrhodes.com/articles/how-to-engage-the-audience/Goal #1 - BREATH!!!! I know that I have been comfortable speaking in front of people before and that I was able to finish a “speech,” so to speak, in front of many people without being winded. That’s been a tough thing for me to do for the last two years as I was pushed away from my comfort zone and away from the people I felt comfortable around. SO, GOAL NUMERO UNO: By the end of this ten-week winter quarter in Coms 101, I want to slow down when talking in front of large groups of people and have some time (naturally) to catch my breath.  

- Plan for Goal #1 (research included in this): Throughout my days, walking from class to class, I plan on using what I like to call the square technique. You trace a square on your thigh three times. The first time you inhale, the second time you hold the breath, the third time you exhale. This method is derived from the 4-7-8 relaxation breathing method that generally panics me more because I feel like I can’t hold my breath for 7 seconds that many doctors and therapists tend to teach their patients. (https://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/body-mind-spirit/stress-anxiety/breathing-three-exercises/). This is a simple way focus on breathing while you’re doing basically anything and even though its something I pull out of my back pocket when I feel like I absolutely need it, it isn’t something that I regularly use out of feeling like I don’t have time to relax in that way. Another way that I plan on working on my breathing is using the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique before I go up to speak to be aware of my surroundings and feel more in the moment. This is based on your five senses. Finding 5 things you can see. 4 things you can touch. 3 things you can hear. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste (even if it’s the nothingness of your saliva in your mouth).  (https://drsarahallen.com/7-ways-to-calm/). And finally, I plan to integrate pauses that seem natural in my speeches so that I can actively breathe throughout them without seeming like I am fully focusing on taking breaths. I plan on going through 1 set of 1-2-3 breaths. Breathing in for 3 relatively quick counts and exhaling for the same amount of time. And then going onto my next chapter, and using this throughout as needed, but not as a method of this is the only way I am going to breathe throughout public speaking because I can’t get things out without it. That’s not the goal here. The goal is to eventually have natural breathing within my speeches so that I don’t have to frequently do the 1-2-3 breathing by the time our final speech comes around. (https://www.instituteofpublicspeaking.com/breathing-exercise/public-speaking-breathing-exercises/). 

Goal #2 - BE ENGAGED! As an audience and as a speaker. While speaking in front of people I tend to get trapped in my mind and thoughts of “is this going okay? did I say the right thing? oh no, that wasn’t right. how can I fix that mistake? no going back now.” As I’m sure most people can relate, that thought process can go on for a while. And as an audience member, sometimes your speaker just isn’t that interesting in the beginning so you just zone out and don’t have any idea of what's going on in their speech when you realize that something interesting has come up. So GOAL NUMERO DOS: be an active listener and engage with my speaker when I am an audience member, and be an active speaker that relates to and communicates with my audience through visual cues. 

-Plan for goal #2 (research again included): To engage my audience while speaking, I am going to use some thought or emotion provoking intro that will cause whoever is listening to at least somewhat thinking about what I just said. (https://www.markrhodes.com/articles/how-to-engage-the-audience/). Using Mark Rhodes’s idea of finding something interesting that the audience may be excited by (an emotional response) or asking a relatable question that is both thought-provoking and elicits an emotional response. When an audience is emotionally involved, they have a greater chance of being engaged throughout the whole speech. Rather than a vague or standard introduction that everyone can already guess if they know the topic of the speech. People tend to lose interest in things that behave predictably because there’s no point in paying attention if you already know what's going to happen. (http://theconversation.com/the-science-of-the-plot-twist-how-writers-exploit-our-brains-95748). Engaging with my speaker though is a more important part because some people don’t tend to think of how to keep an audience engaged in a GE class that you have to take to graduate. Most people trudge through it with no desire to get a strong learning experience from the class, making it very easy to zone out through peers’ speeches when they are all similar in form. Of course, I just expressed my attitude towards my peers’ speeches and what I expect. I plan to work on changing this attitude to listen actively. Attitude can change how you listen. If I (or anyone expects all of these to be the same), then there is no reason to pay attention and you won’t. And sometimes, the speaker seems to have gone off on a tangent for no reason. Which then loses interest as you feel that it has no point. So you have to be able to go along with what the speaker feels is important. Even if it seems like a rabbit hole, there was some choice made in a prepared speech for this to be included so therefore it has some importance. (https://courses.lumenlearning.com/paris-publicspeaking/chapter/chapter-4-three-as-of-active-listening/) 

Goal #3- CONFIDENCE! Nobody is going to listen to me if I don’t sound sure or look sure or am sure about what I’m saying. If you sound like you’re questioning everything you say, then your audience will too. And confidence will help with breathing (reference goal #1) and just the stress of being in front of an audience. In a teaching situation (which I will be in this weekend...), if you question what you are teaching your “class” then they aren’t going to be sure about what they are doing. In partner dancing, if the lead isn’t confident in what they are about to do, then the follow doesn’t know what they should be doing. In public speaking, if the speaker isn’t sure about what they are saying, then the audience isn’t sure if they should be listening and what they should be listening for. So GOAL NUMERO TRES: By the end of the quarter, I would like to behave as if I was confident while public speaking (whether I am or not) through the display of a strong tone of voice, less fidgetiness, and without somewhat pacing or stepping in place without reason. 

-Plan for goal #3 (research included again): To work on this,  I plan on using the method of focusing on my audience rather than on myself. Instead of asking questions like “How am I doing? Was that the right phrase?” and so on. I will ask questions like “Do they hear me? Is the point being made? Do you understand what I am saying?” This draws the attention off of myself (in my head) and to the actual point of speaking; to get things across to my audience. You lose confidence when focusing on yourself and how you feel, making you focus on the nervousness and anxiety. This, therefore, makes you more anxious removing the confidence you may have gained. (http://wittcom.com/how-to-develop-confidence-speaking/). I’m going to dress professionally (of course, that's considered in the grade), but I want to focus on this idea to dress 25% better than anyone in the room. I don’t know what other people plan on wearing for that day. But if I was giving an informal talk in front of people and I wanted to be presented well, the idea would be that they might be in jeans and tee shirts, but I would wear jeans with dressy shoes and a blouse or button-up shirt. I am not over the top for my audience, but I would be nice enough that it's obvious I am taking whatever is about to happen seriously. And if you feel like you are presented physically well, there’s some psychological thing where you do feel more confident. Like when I wear my favorite heels or shoes that click when I walk when I enter a room, I know that everyone is looking at me so I stand up straighter, I either choose to have a death stare to feel powerful or to have a smile to seem friendly and like I am approachable. But based on something as simple as my shoes and the way that they sound, it holds confidence. I had a friend while dancing this weekend, he realized that his shoes clicked when he did a certain move while dancing. He did that move so many times throughout the night only because he knew that his shoes would make noise. (https://hbr.org/2018/05/5-ways-to-project-confidence-in-front-of-an-audience).

So there we are. My public speaking goals for this quarter. Gosh, that was long. I’m not going to summarize everything because there was a lot so I’m just gonna post this and hope its decent. Wooo Done before 9!

[thesafepesticide]

What Happens When You Squish A Cockroach? What Happens When You Squish A Cockroach? When suddenly faced with a cockroach, your first instinct may be to step on it. However, some people are hesitant due to urban myths. For example, you may think squashing a roach will release its eggs, allowing more to hatch. Others claim that a crushed roach will give off pheromones that attract other cockroaches, but they are baseless myths. If you squish a cockroach, it will die. Roaches do release a pheromone upon death, but it's a warning, not an invitation. Roaches will avoid other dead roaches unless they're starving. Stepping on roaches won't release eggs. Very few species carry their eggs with them, and if one does, the eggs will get crushed along with their mother. With that said, squishing a roach takes special force. Cockroaches have hard exoskeletons that protect them from getting bashed around. They will survive being stepped on if you don't mean it. Be sure to inspect the body for the right amount of lethal damage. Listen out for a popping sound to indicate that its exoskeleton has cracked.

What Happens When You Squish A Cockroach?

Roaches can die when you step on them. However, for the average person, you'll find this is trial and error. Many people rarely use the correct amount of force to crush a roach. To do it properly, you shouldn’t just step on a roach with the intent to kill it. You should intend to squish it out of existence. If that seems like overkill, you should consider how much force a roach can withstand.

Why Didn’t My Shoe Crush A Roach?

As invertebrates, their organs and muscles are completely shielded by hardened exterior skin. This is called an exoskeleton or shell. The main component in exoskeletons is chitin. That’s comparable to keratin, which makes up horns, claws, and hooves in other animals. Exoskeletons provide insects with a proper frame for their muscles. Without it, their segmented bodies would fall apart. That's why rigidness is vital when it comes to exoskeletons. Even their apodemes (ingrowths that aid with the muscles' attachment) are twice as stiff as the tendons of a vertebrate. Knowing all of this, it's no wonder cockroaches are difficult to kill even when getting stepped on. They can handle 300 to 900 times their body weight. Worse yet, they can squeeze through 4-millimeter crevices because of their great flexibility. Depending on the sole of your foot, the cockroach can easily contort around the tread. It may come out of the ordeal relatively uninjured.

Does Squashing a Cockroach Kill It?

However, that doesn't mean that squishing a roach doesn't work. This can kill it if done right. Squashing can be the most effective way to ensure a roach's death. These insects can play dead at a masterclass level. Just because they're holding still doesn't mean they're dead. Likewise, their regeneration abilities mean they can walk away from devastating injuries. But what can't a roach regenerate from? An entirely crushed body. If the roach is flattened out and pulverized, it cannot recover from this amount of damage. You can dispose of it how you please. You'll know a roach is squashed correctly if you hear a popping sound.

Why Do Cockroaches Pop When You Step On Them?

Roaches pop when their exoskeleton cracks. After all, the material that it's composed of is thick and hardy. If damaged enough to break, it's similar to snapping plastic. With a cracked exoskeleton, the cockroach will no longer be able to control its muscles. Even if it's not killed on the spot, it will not be capable of movement afterward. That means it will starve to death if left alone. A cracked exoskeleton also exposes its organs to damage. The shell itself may crumble inwards and pierce its soft guts. Without the shell structure to encase the organs, the force of your foot will proceed downwards. This can and will smash the roach's insides, which should cause immediate death. You should be able to confirm this visually.

What Does a Squashed Cockroach Look Like?

A properly-squashed roach will be surrounded by evidence of its death. This includes:

Pieces of the cracked exoskeleton

Droppings

Crushed organs

Dismembered limbs or antenna

It will also secrete a white substance. Many people confuse this for milk, but it's blood. Cockroach blood is white due to a lack of hemoglobin. That's a red protein in charge of carrying oxygen through a vertebrate's body. As mentioned, roaches are good at playing dead. Don't let them fool you. A cockroach that is not squashed correctly will not die; it will only be stunned into defecating. Cockroach droppings look like small brown specks. It may seem like coffee grounds are surrounding the roach, but nothing else. In this case, you can't trust its injuries will finish the job. You'll need to brace yourself and smash it again.

What Happens If I Only Squash Half a Cockroach?

The last moments of a half-squashed cockroach vary greatly. It will depend on which half was squashed. To us, it may seem like the uncrushed half of the roach is just flailing around. However, for the cockroach itself, the sensations can range from extreme confusion to nothing at all. That’s because cockroaches have two brains. One is in their head, and the other is in their posterior. The brain located in the head is in charge of:

Limb regeneration

Senses

Memory

Hormone secretion

Suppress reproductive behavior

The second brain located in the back is considered to be a more primitive brain and is in charge of:

Sexual activity

Maternal instincts

Triggering apparent death behavior

Sensory information

What If I Crush The Head Of A Roach?

When scientists cut off a cockroach’s head, they found that limb regeneration was no longer possible. It didn’t matter that the roach was technically still alive. If a cockroach's head is squished, it will stay alive for 10 to 20 days. As long as the temperature is kept at 75.2 degrees Fahrenheit and the humidity is 80 percent, it only dies through starvation. Cockroaches have ganglia dispersed throughout every segment of their bodies. As such, their limbs will still be responsive despite the crushed head. Even without a head, the second brain can still perform primitive functions without the primary brain's direction. When ready to copulate, male roaches will twist their bodies into an S-curve. Usually, it's the head brain that regulates this behavior through hormones. However, when researchers ligated the head of multiple male roaches, they could still halfway twist their bodies into the S-curve. This posited a compelling theory: When cockroaches lack a head brain, their second brain takes over.

What If I Crush The Butt Of A Roach?

Researchers found that the memory of a cockroach is affected when their second brain is missing. Despite their memory, cockroaches require their second brain to learn and retain any information. That's because they rely on their lower body to send sensory cues to the head. The first brain cannot function properly without that second brain. As such, a cockroach with a crushed lower body will struggle to find its way back home or look for shelter. Without the second brain, the cockroach will not receive enough sensory information to know what objects are in the way. It will fumble around aimlessly or attempt to, depending on how many legs it has left. Eventually, it will starve to death or be eaten by predators.

If You Step On A Cockroach, Does It Release Its Eggs?

A popular myth says that cockroaches will eject their eggs upon being crushed. This can leave you terrified to smash one. After all, it gives you only two choices:

Step on it and risk spawning more roaches.

Let the pest out of your sight as you get insecticide, tissues, or a jar.

The good news is that this is false. Cockroaches do not release their eggs when they're stepped on. That's for two obvious reasons:

Most Roaches Don’t Carry Their Eggs

Most female cockroaches carry their eggs in an ootheca. An ootheca is an elongated egg mass containing as many as 30 to 40 cockroach eggs. However, some species produce less than that. According to the Department of Zoology at Oxford University, ootheca are hardened structures made up of the same protein as a cockroach’s exoskeleton. As such, the protected case is incredibly resilient. It's usually shaped like a pill, brown or black, and has a leathery texture. Most cockroach species find multiple small, damp crevices to lay their eggs in. They will hatch weeks later. Since they do not carry their ootheca with them, you can step on the roaches worry-free. You will not spread the eggs around.

Stepping On A Roach Kills The Eggs

With that said, a few species carry their eggs at the end of their abdomens. Even rarer, some species carry eggs inside their bodies. These have a live birth. If you happen to step on a cockroach of this variety, don't worry. The eggs will be crushed underneath the weight of your foot. The babies will not survive. The egg cases may be tough enough to protect the unborn roaches from bacteria and weather. However, it can't protect them from getting stomped on by a human. What if a couple of eggs do survive? In this improbable scenario, they would be born in an exposed environment. They would have trouble completing their molting cycle and reaching adulthood. Without the comfort of their small holes, they would likely die in short order. There is also a chance that the ootheca attached to a female roach is empty. Ootheca has a small ridge running along its side. This is where the cockroaches breakthrough when they are ready to hatch. Once the nymphs are out, the ridge closes itself back up again. It can sometimes take a few hours for the ootheca to detach itself from the mother roach. So, after stepping on a cockroach and seeing what might look like an ootheca, don't panic. It could be empty.

Does Killing a Cockroach Attract More?

Cockroaches do release a pheromone when they die. This smell will alert other roaches in the area and send a message. However, contrary to popular belief, this isn't a signal to invade. It's a warning that says, "there's danger, so run away." When cockroaches find a good spot to turn into a nest, they release a series of pheromones. That signals to other cockroaches that a new home can be made there. On the flip side, when cockroaches die, they also release a smell that lets other insects know where the death occurred. According to biologist David Rollo of McMaster University, cockroaches release fatty acids (oleic acids, specifically) when they die. His team attempted to extract the cockroach-attracting pheromone but had difficulty doing so on live roaches. Instead, they crushed cockroach parts and spread them around potential nests. Here, they found that cockroaches would avoid those places at all costs. Through a series of experiments, his team discovered that cockroaches could warn each other. They keep away from places where other roaches die because the smell produced by fatty acids indicates danger.

Does A Dead Roach Attract Hungry Roaches?

The corpse of a dead roach may be an appealing meal to others of its kind. However, it's not immediately an attractant. Cockroaches do engage in cannibalistic behavior, but only when they have no other choice. Cockroaches will always prefer eating something other than their own if they can help it. If you see one eating a roach corpse, it definitely means it’s starving. Usually, cockroaches can be seen eating their own in clean houses where they have trouble finding food. As such, you can step on cockroaches worry-free. As long as you apply the right amount of force, they will die without consequences. Keep sharing What Happens When You Squish A Cockroach? with your friends and family members. Read More: https://thesafepesticide.com/what-happens-when-you-squish-a-cockroach/?feed_id=30&_unique_id=61136c63f1906

[psiipresso-blog]

Yes, just like that. Do try and keep a steady hand, or the results will be less than satisfactory. The Paladin guides her drive through both vocal & visual instructions. Every wire, every dial, assembled by her precision for detail & strict calculations as her Helmsman serves as the appendages she lacked. Now, confirm the stability of the belt drive by -- yes, like that. The Paladin pauses as The Helmsman clicks his tongue idly in minor celebration for this even minor victory. However, I would prefer that you wait for me to finish my instructions as a precaution.   ❝ Mhm, ❞  he would apologize later, which is why she doesn’t press her digressions any further. As far as further construction goes, The Paladin quiets down to access her surroundings through the camera lenses of her captains' reader.

She estimated that — since it met the basic demands while being slightly above average — the renovations to Davelyn’s block were comforting. At least that was in her general opinion. It was a thirteen point three by fourteen space meant to be shared by three but is now owned by one. The Helmsman had requested (it continues to disrupt her systems that they give her options) that she assist him in the assembly of the new appliances that he, in his own words, “Traded resources for”. 

The creativity station was the first to go up. Sketch pads, paints, pencils — the whole nine yards & then some as The Helmsman made sure the requirements were specific, but not too picky. As she analyzed the instructions, he was the one who removed the third splaypod as opposed to removing the dual-splaypod instead. So she spoke up to state the obvious There is no need for you to remove the singular splaypod as opposed to the dual one. He is only one human, after all, he does not require that much space. In which The Helmsman shrugged, & she noticed that he appeared amused by her statement. ❝ I thought it’d be fun? Addth perthonality. ❞ The answer left her dissatisfied, to say the least.

The radio setup was next on their list. After (carefully) breaking down & extracting the necessary components from one of the ships spare teleporters, the two of them were successful in crafting an upgrade to Davelyn’s original setup next to his desk. It had taken The Helmsman an accurate estimate of thirty minutes until satisfied with the end results.

Helmsman, she speaks up as he admires his handiwork. The turntables end results were just as if not better than the example from its given instructions. I noticed that your pusher rate increased during your conversation with the fuschia blood. Clearly, you were not confident amidst your exchange so why push yourself when Davelyn already has his basic needs?  He doesn’t say anything for a considerable amount of time, & even gets started on the cleanup. ❝ He hathn’t had many nice experienceth, I gueth. And I,  ❞  he hesitates for a moment.  ❝ I didn’t want him to have anymore here. I care for him a lot, you know?  ❞   There is a shared moment of silence between them, & as The Helmsman grows increasingly flushed she dignifies him with a response. 

I believe I do.   Which was both a lie & the truth — because she understood. At least to an extent. Her Helmsman was peculiar, as are most trolls & other organic creatures with intelligence.

When the sound of the west wings teleporter flared up & announced to them Davelyn’s return to the ship. Taking this as his cue, The Helmsman collected any & all disposables before making a rushed exit for his own block.

Intelligent lifeforms were strange, but in a way that she found fascinating.

[kellerose]

Recreation of Flaming June by Frederic Leighton: a Holistic Analysis

Inventory List: 

In Flaming June, there is a woman who is lying on a lounge chair with her long lying on either side. There also seems to be a red cloth of some sort hanging down in the front. The woman’s position has her facing to the right side of the painting. Both of her knees are bent; the right leg is bent up to her chest lying against the back of the chair and her left leg is slightly bent with her thigh stretching across the front of the chair and her foot placed on the ground. The woman is wearing a long and see-through orange dress hanging loosely across the chair. Her left arm reaches across her chest as the hand lies on her right arm, which is bent and tucked under her hair as she rests her head on it. Her hair is brushed over her head, again towards the right, which exposes her ear and is positioned perfectly to show her face. The woman’s facial expression is quite graceful with her eyes closed as if she is sleeping. The setting of the painting looks to be in a room in front of a fireplace with flowers placed behind and on the right side of the woman. In the background, you can see a glimpse of a body of water glistening in the evening sun. A gold frame takes up the last bit of the picture. The flooring of this painting are white tiles that have a slim appearance that is enough to show where her left foot lies. 

Composition:

The angle of the painting is directed towards the woman, making her the central subject of the piece. Although she is taking up the majority of the picture, the background with the water and objects, like a flower bouquet to the right, take up the rest of the piece. As well as the white tiled flooring at the bottom, which completes the entirety of the painting. 

Visual Cues:

Color- there is an intense amount of color used in the piece. A strong gleam of light showers down until the water behind the women’s head, which makes me believe, by the position of the sun, that this was made on a summer’s evening. The woman has long, red auburn hair with a vibrant orange dress. Her skin is pale with accents of pink on her cheeks, lips, and elbows. There is also an abundance of red throughout the picture, with red flowers to the top right and a blanket that lies underneath the woman. The entire painting exudes warm toned colors to represent the idea of summer. 

Form- The whole painting follows the horizontal perspective of an image. How the woman lies as well as all of the objects within the painting follow the horizontal lines.

Depth- It is clear that the main focal point of the image is the woman lying on the lounge chair. She is in the central part of the painting while the lighting in the background right in the back of her acts as some sort of spotlight for her. She is meant to be the focal point while everything else is meant to surround the background. 

Movement- There is movement with the woman’s hair on either side of the chair. There is also movement with the dress as her position caused the wrinkles and bunched up areas. There are small ripples in the water behind her which indicate movement. 

Gestalt Laws:

Continuation- The woman’s body and face are all facing the right side of the image which automatically leads viewers to look towards the right before anything else. 

Semiotic Signs and Codes:

Indexical Sign- The title of the painting, Flaming June, immediately correlates to the idea of hot and warm summers. When that is in mind, the woman is seemingly wearing a light garment with bright colors, indicating that the weather must be warm and the color of the dress resembles the title. The flowers may also indicate the idea of summer and warm weather. Usually on warmer days, people tend to feel drained early in the day, so they tend to take evening naps, which seems to be what the woman is doing here. 

Metonymy- Taking that her eyes are closed and that she’s resting her head, one may assume that the subject of this painting is resting. 

Cognitive Elements:

Memory- If you recall any kind of long needed rest on a warm summer evening, or any kind of nap in a similar position, this painting may mean more to you. 

Expectation- While sleeping is usually known to be within the bedroom on a mattress, someone sleeping on a lounge chair may seem strange, unusual, and quite uncomfortable.

 Selectivity- The woman being the central focus, taking up almost the entire image, and wearing a vibrant outfit, it is not unusual that she would be the first thing someone notices.

Dissonance- The gleam of light on the water behind the woman can be slightly distracting to those viewing the image. 

Words- The title Flaming June wraps the entire painting up perfectly. The colors, especially in the dress, make up the word “Flaming” and “June” indicates the first month of the scorching weather. Because of this title, the woman has become a spitting image of what summer looks like.  

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Personal Perspective: When I first laid my eyes on this picture, I couldn’t get over the beauty of it. The woman sleeping looks so graceful and overall endearing. The long, loose dress adds to the elegance of the picture and the really long hair adds to the amazement I had found when first looking at it. After looking more into the painting, you can see her right foot peeking out from under her left thigh and it’s become my favorite part of the image because of how adorable I find it. 

Historical Perspective: Frederic Leighton worked at the Royal Academy in England in the 19th century. Flaming June was revealed in 1895 and has been categorized as one of his best works. Leighton used oil paint for this particular painting, which was widely popular in France in the 19th century. His friend and protege, Dorothy Deene, was the inspiration behind the woman of the image. The body of water behind her is known as the Mediterranean Sea, which further establishes the location. Although it was an artwork recognized and praised by millions, the piece completely vanished until decades later when it reappeared on an art market. This Victorian art style completely lost taste with people. Now, this painting is cherished as a cultural heritage to Puerto Ricans. 

Technical Perspective: When composing an art piece with oil, it is usually wise to paint the same subject continuously. When painting the same subject, you get to know the materials at hand a lot easier. This is why Frederic Leighton chose Dorothy Deene as the subject for this and many other paintings, because he knew how to use those materials best on her. With oil paints, it’s wise to limit your palette, starting with the basic colors of the painting first before starting to mix to get other colors. He had to use darker versions of colors and lighter versions to create the value and composition of the piece. Those darker and lighter colors indicated the shades and highlight to create that 3D effect of the whole painting. 

Historical Perspective: The dress, the wavy long hair, the furniture and structure of the place she is in all indicate the Victorian era lifestyle. The abundance usage of white marble or cement construction is an iconic symbol of Victorian life. The art style as well is a lot similar to the works composed during that era as well. 

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When recreating any photo or art piece, it’s critical to look at the entire picture. The pose, the setting, the placement of the camera, the objects on or around her were a crucial part of my final result. When I did the recreation of the photo, I felt that the position of the woman was the most critical part. The painting had the majority of the focus on her, so that’s why there’s more of a resemblance to the woman than the rest of the painting. I didn’t have a long orange dress, so I had used my bed sheets to drape across the chair and myself. I made sure that my legs and arms were positioned the same as the woman as well as the hair and facial expression. 

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Editorial, Artsy, and Eli Hill. “5 Oil Painting Tips for Beginners.” Artsy, 2 Aug. 2018, www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-5-oil-painting-tips-beginners.

Museo de Arte de Ponce. “Flaming June by Lord Frederic Leighton - Google Arts & Culture.” Google, Google, artsandculture.google.com/story/flaming-june-by-lord-frederic-leighton/jAKCa7FDV8CtJA. 

Lester, Paul Martin. Visual Communication: Images with Messages . Sixth ed., Michael Rosenberg, 2014.

[twodragonswrites]

2.4

Enjoy <3

The main city is one of the few places that the people on Earth live in relative peace, so it’s become one of the busiest places as well. And by extension it’s audibly and visually noisy. Advertisements and signs on the side of buildings bring lights and sounds. In what’s generally known as “The Hub” of the city, a large screen sits on the side of the building belonging to the local news station, playing news and reports from all over the world. It’s not uncommon to see a few advertisements on it either. It’s here today that Orio has business. His car rolls up in front of the building, and he gets out. He is quickly spotted by fans and surrounded.

“Excuse me- I have to get through, sorry I’m running a tad bit late,” He does his best to squeeze past and escape into the building.

The inside is much quieter. The sounds of people answering phonecalls and conducting interviews can be heard. Orio lets out a brief relieved sigh before walking up to the front desk.

“Excuse me miss?” He addresses the secretary at the front desk in his kindest voice. She turns and smiles up at him, her name tag reads “Cherry”, a pretty accurate name as she has bright red hair that goes down her back.

“Oh Orio! You must be here to finally lets us interview you, huh?”

“Ah..No. I’m afraid I have other business. I need to speak with your boss...Or whoever it is that manages the reporter Miss Kira Errent?”

“Hmm…” She turns to her computer screen, quickly typing to look up some info before stopping. “Wait, you mean the intern?”

“...Intern? She’s an intern?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah she gets us coffee and does the Fluffy Friday reports. She’s currently on a paid internship with us to help with college- Wait why do you need to speak to her manager? What did she do?”

“She broke into my office...Several times. To try and get an interview with me.” There’s a clatter of some kind of tray on the ground that grabs their attention. There stands Kira, blonde hair pulled back in a pony tail, wearing her glasses, having just dropped a tray of coffee. Her face is beet red.

“Ah, Kira. We meet again. I would say it’s nice to see you but I did throw a broom to try and get you out of my home.”

“Mr. Orio I..Um…” She stutters, only just realizing that she had dropped what she had been carrying and starts to scoop up the tray and now empty cups, the coffee staining the carpet.

“Kira is that true?” They’ve drawn the attention of some of the other people in the room.

“Well uh…” She tosses the cups and tray. “I…” She scratches the back of her head and promptly runs out of the lobby, absconding to some other part of the building. Orio is surprised to say the least. He hadn’t been expecting that of all things.

“Well...I can definitely get you a meeting with her super or..send her a message or something. If you want me to, that is.” Orio holds up a hand and turns back to her.

“No no, I...I think that’s alright. Just..Forget this whole thing.”

“Are you sure?” Cherry raises an eyebrow. Orio chuckles a bit, turning to leave.

“I’ve had a pretty odd week. A nosy reporter..er- intern. Is the least of my troubles. Take care, Cherry.” He gives a small wave as he turns to exit the building.

“A-alright. See you, Orio.”

The ride back home is short, Orio makes his way back to his office swiftly, itching to get back to work and write down some of this new information. It’s not long before one of his cats interrupts him.

“Hm? Oh, I should get something to eat, huh.” The cat mrrps at him and gestures towards the front door.

“Huh?” He raises an eyebrow and looks that way, there’s a knock soon after. He gets the door.

Kira is on the other side of it, head tilted down, mouth pursed like she’s eaten a lemon. She’s still very red in the face and it looks like she’s been crying a bit.

“Oh, Miss Kira Errent. I almost didn’t recognize you because you knocked.” He smirks, but rather quickly realizes that humor is probably not the best for this situation. “Um...What’s up?”

“...I...Came to apologize. My actions these past few weeks haven’t been… Good.”

“...You’re fine. It’s not a big deal-”

“Well it was a big enough deal for you to embarrass me at work!” She very quickly chips her head upwards, staring him in the eyes. Orio takes a small step back.

“Eh-Embarass you? You broke into my house! You’re lucky I didn’t call the police on you!”

She bites her lip, looking away. “Maybe but you still...I could’ve lost my job.”

“Then why did you risk it if it’s so important to you?”

“...I want to be a reporter, an actual reporter. I thought...that if I was able to do something my boss hasn’t been able to do...that maybe I could speed up my progress in this line of work. I wanted-”

“Say no more. You’ve got ambitions...And while I don’t agree with breaking into my house...I can put in a good word for you...Do you have your questions ready?” He gives her a small smile and holds out his hand. She looks up at him, mouth agape, and then smiles, taking his hand.

“I always do!”

“Come on in then, Kira Errent.”

------

"So, my least favorite creation made himself human and you came to whine to me about it." Gharan looks up from her current project, a hellhound-like beast that needed a healthy amount of heat that was being supplied by the candles in the room. Izora stands to the side taking notes as per usual when Ubeo is here. The other assistants mill about, but it's not like Ubeo or Gharan ever paid the more expendable ones any mind.

"...I figured you would want to know." 

"The moment he left my grasp I stopped caring, Ubeo. I only look forwards, you know that."

"Even with the success he's had outside of your hands? Even with him betraying his purpose-"

"I see no evidence as to any betrayal. In fact, I think he made the right decision. You're the one who keeps holding onto the past, Ubeo. You may have my dna but you are the least similar to me of any of my creations. At least Orio has some drive to do something with himself. You're just static." The words hung in the room. Ubeo tightens his fists. If he were talking to anyone else they'd be dead for such words.

"I was not made to change, mother. I was made to serve you. And after your decision, him too eventually."

"So what? Things change all the time. You know I could make hundreds more just like you. Your little siblings are waiting patiently in their suspension. It would be easy to just pull one of them and set you to incubate for a few thousand years until you become less...clingy."

"...Clingy."

"Yes clingy. You hold onto things too hard. Your heart- if you had one- is too soft Ubeo." She waves her hand dismissively. Ubeo's cue to leave but he continues standing through the silence.

"Why don't you care." Gharan doesn't look up from her work.

"We were cast from the same pot. We're essentially the same." Gharan just sighs softly, continuing to ignore him. Izora and a few of the other assistants shuffle their feet.

"If I had done something similar you would have dismantled me on the spot. Why does he get special treatment?" Again, silence.

"Why?" Gharan sighs again and looks up.

"Because you're simply unremarkable Ubeo. You may both have come from the same pot and have the same programming, but Orio broke free of that and went beyond what I could ever dream to teach him. You are not the same. You are in fact, two different things entirely, he is exceptional and he got away from me, you are disposable and I'm tempted to dismantle you right now if you don't shut the hell up and let me work." A display of rage like this from the Royal Essence Weaver, was uncommon. A certain icy chill fell over the room and the candles are extinguished. Ubeo bites back any further comments or emotions and lowers his head.

"Now leave, before I do something you'll regret." Gharan waves her hand once more and returns to her work.

"Of course, mother. As you wish."