#the amount of ppl who have told me i’m paying for their therapy is fucking hilarious

[mayz1er]

hii tumblr user mayzier @mayz1er !!! it's unfortunately me again! i hope i'm not annoying but! i just wanted to say that in my previous ask i actually meant the lyrics of the hit song Pink in the Night by Mitski fits ily!beeduo, especially in chapter 6, time of creation: 0 !!!!! AUGG THIS CHAPTER is soo well written i find a new overly-fascinating line everytime i reread it!!!!!! i could write a whole (unprofessional) essay on it ! but ! i am just going to ramble about it hehe

" I glow pink in the night in my room

I've been blossoming alone over you

And I hear my heart breaking tonight

I hear my heart breaking tonight

Do you hear it too?

It's like a summer shower

With every drop of rain singing

"I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you!" "

like this part in the song reminds me so much of ily!beeduo before the feast. BEFORE THE SACRIFICE. especially the use of "i love you" . AA

' “I love you,” Ranboo says, and the giddiness that erupts in Tubbo’s heart makes it feel like it’s the first time he’s ever said it. I love you, I love you a lot, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, these are the only words I know. I don’t know how I’ve forgotten you. I don't ever want to again. I’m sorry. I love you.

Tubbo laughs, and this time, it’s his own heart beating erratic. “I love you more,” Love you a lot, love you more than I can say, love you as much as I fear what you are. I’ll love you in this life and the next and the one after that and I’ll wait to see if you’ll learn to love me too. I’m sorry I love you. '

like auughhh them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! such a lovely pair i hope nothing bad happens to them.

' “I do love you. As much as I can. You- you know that I love you. But I don’t–“ There’s people watching them again, so many eyes, soon they’re be climbing the ways to pick at their skin and clothes and to pull their hair and to stare at them like they’re an object encased in glass and he’s—

Tubbo is just a statue in front of these people. All they see in him is ivory.

Ruby emerald eyes find their way to their ever changing irises, kind and warm and full of mirth, and Tubbo breathes.

“I don’t think it’s the way you want me to love you.”

I can’t love you the way a human does. Love is sacred. Love is destructive. Love is lightning upon land and blood soaked in soak and love is me starting wars in your name. But I’m selfish. I don’t deserve your name. I love you, I love you, I’m afraid of what you are. You’re so human it hurts. '

vine boom😭😭 also i'm so mentally ill about this next part -that is not really about the song- after tubbo literally throws himself off the balcony HOW COULD YOU

' “Ranboo? Hey, it- it’s me! Tubbo, yeah, it’s me, can- can you look at me?” Tubbo begs and pleads and they are not human but fuck, they’re praying.

Ranboo blinks, tilts his head and looks at Tubbo, a black expression that had stomach dropping before it turned into a soft, droopy smile. “Tubbo? Oh, hey. How are you, love?” '

AAAAAAA you did not have to make him call them love!!!!!!!!!!!! i am filled with misery and rage

' “I love you, Bo, and I want to be loved better than how you left me.”

Only silence follows the words.

(I watch a god and human look over a cliff and contemplate death. Are they thinking of suicide or murder? Are they thinking of the crimes they’ve already committed? I watch a god and a human love each other in a way that won’t last.) ' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS "I want to be loved better than how you left me."?????????????????????????? Dissolves into thin air

Enter the other half of the song;

" I could stare at your back all day

I could stare at your back all day

And I know I've kissed you before, but

I didn't do it right

Can I try again, try again, try again

Try again, and again, and again

And again, and again, and again "

"didn't do it right" literally rocking back and forth with tears coming out of my eyes. this next paragraph is from chap 5

' A phoenix of a mortal, reborn from ashes over and over again, bursting into life and flames and smiling every time. Meeting Tubbo throughout every life. A loop of time. a cycle of lives, a beating heart that comes back to life and a human Tubbo learns how to love every single time. ' and again and again and again and again an

that was it from the song but another line that pains me deeply is ' Ranboo was and still is a human and Tubbo was and still is a god. ' OH MY GOOOOOD head in my hands

in conclusion, YOU are paying for my therapy bill

sorry if my ask was a bit long, i have the lovers disease from the hit fic i love you (will it last?) . hope you're having a wonderful day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DD

hello lovely anon!!! it’s very much NOT unfortunate, i don’t mind at all!!!! ohhhh i see sorry for my misunderstanding . i skimmed chapter 6 a bit just to help my memory. i’m finding it horribly difficult to remember my actual thoughts and plans when i wrote ily but i will try my best!!!

before the sacrifice they were very much sweet gal pals but if i remember correctly, i think there was still that layer of misunderstanding, and expectations that were unspoken but expected of each other. if that makes sense. very much rose coloured glasses. pink coloured glasses!

vine boom! there it is! love is as cruel as war! god knows i was very mentally i’ll writing that! so crazyyy like is this normal, tubbo!?

oh my god u don’t get how the line “i want to be loved better than u left me” drove me CRAZY!!!! it was MADDENING!!!!!!! i just had the line ringing in my head over and over again like holy shit i wrote the line weeeks before i even started writing ily and it just had to be used. and i liked the “i watch god and a human” poem that shit was so funky because who the fuck even is the narrator (i’m not telling u!!!!!) are they contemplating suicide or murder….. holy shit

i def see what u mean w pink in the night and ilybeeduo the “can i try again?” really was written and sang by mitski for them SOECIFICALLY and like don’t u think maybe tubbo wanted to try again… thay ranboo wanted to try again too… sndkenkskekkss.and even the line “i’ve been blossoming alone over you” and “i hear my heart breaking tonight / do you hear it too? / like a summer shower / with every drop of rain singing i love you / i love you, i love you, i love you.” WASNT IT RAININJHG WHEN ILYRANBOO DIED????!!!!! AND HE DIED IN THE SUMMER SOLSITCE? i think? pls don’t fact check me i KNOW i’m the author i cant remember!!!

thank u for ur lovely ask i really enjoyed it and i like knowing that ppl still like my writing months after i’ve completed them :] feel free to chat w me any time!! xxxx

[transrightsjimin]

im behind on my administration nd freaking out abt medical bills nd just, the privatization of healthcar!! if anyone told you the netherlands has super socialized systems, they’re either a time traveller from the previous century or lying or like... think anything tht isn’t the US is socialist. it’s not. this country is capitalistic nd social programs have been deteriorating for decades bc of this dominant neoliberal as well as fascist mentality in politics, which enforces budget cuts that hurt the working class nd then punishes them for being poor or sick. yes there is insurance, but insurance companies (that you’re required to by law to make use of even if you can’t afford it fully) are a competitive market that keep increasing its prices every year, less and less is insured bc of the privatization of health, this country is a tax haven for multinationals who pay fucking zero or even get donations from the government and ex-students are stuck with loan debt of ten thousands of euros bc of student benefits being turned into loans by liberal parties in the chamber. if i have to see ppl from other countries share these fucking posts praising the NL for being so progressive for legized weed (it rly isn’t??? there are shops where it can be bought w a license but ppl can be stopped on the street for smoking it bc of racial profiling, and owning one weed plant is legal but not using it or cultivating more than one. like cops in helicopters looking for houses tht cultivate weed bc they got dragged in a scheme is everyday reality you know??).

like yes, this is by far not the worst place on earth, even the working class, esp white, are still far more privileged than the working class in other countries, e.g. not needing to fear for war and having access to water or healthcare at least somewhere. and the petit bourgeouis is quite large in this country which is why there might be a disconnect in ppl’s minds when not being able to apply class theory to a local context. but it is this romanticization of a country tht breaks down its social systems, copies a lot of pseudo-science and ‘free market‘ shit from the US, and deals w its own tradition of denying its colonial / racist past and PRESENT (it still has colonies but it isn’t addressed as such??) that gets to people’s heads and justifies any bad processes bc ‘hey, it at least isn’t [insert other country]!!‘.

more personal rants abt bureacuracy bs and healthcare bills under the readmore. im stressed

FUCKING HELL i just found out that the ‘eigen bijdrage‘ (own financial contribution) that comes with this new ADHD medicine (lisdexfetamine) isn’t around €20-25 like the person who prescribed it stated it was (which already is a lot to me considering the first medicine is fully insured) but €105,37 of which i would need to pay €76,80 (i think bc the previous medication of methylfenidaat was affirmed as not effective) for just 30 MEDICINES so ONE MONTH??

the pharmacist i spoke to, sounded like they too found it an absurdly high price nd i asked if the amount would eventually not be needed to be paid anymore after a certain amount of times (which was for example the case with antacids i picked up for my mom nd myself) and they said it didn’t. i was adviced to seek contact with my insurance company so i did and they said p much the same thing about fees being constant, maybe at the most fluctuating a little bit to lower fees in some months but not much. the only good thing is that eigen bijdrage fees can “only” run up to €250 per year bc anything above that is covered by insurance (which is already so?? to me bc you also have eigen risico amount of €385 per year which works p much the same).

so i looked at the website of the ADHD diagnostic / therapy center i’m a patient at and there’s a page about fees for medication and it links to a web page with statement of the brand / pharmaceutical company that makes this lisdexfentamine and it turns out that you CAN send it a request to get payed back the (i think full??) amount that you paid for the medication. my fucking god the fact that the insurance company workers nor pharmacists couldn’t even access that information bc it isn’t communicated is so vile. i considered not taking this medication despite it possibly being one that actually works for me unlike methylfenidaat. i really hope i can get the full amount paid back and that it’s not actually so that there’s more to this the brand won’t tell people who need medication. i’m also just frustrated this shit isn’t covered bc

i have supposedly the best type of insurance at this company nd my parents help me pay for it and all and this medicine nd a bunch of other things STILL aren’t covered by insurance bc the pharmaceutical industry has become so privatized and the ADHD institution i am a patient at has no contract w insurance companies so that’ll be another €250 in 2021.

ALSO i still have this invoice of €91 from my orthodontist bc my splint was broken nd replaced a few months ago, and i want to send the invoice to my insurance to see if they could at least cover part of it. but for that i need a PDF and to download that, i need to enter a code which they would send to my ‘phone number‘ but that one belongs to my parents’ landline(?) phone and to change it, i need to log in but i don’t have an online account bc when i first joined that ortho center i didn’t have all that and so far that was just fine. so now i first need to find a way to make an account or change my phone number to be able to download the invoice PDF and send that to the insurance. goddd.

like i am blessed enough to have parents who keep offering to help me pay my bills but i feel guilty towards them whenever i accept that bc it’s not like they’re rich or anything nd my mom will lose 1 form of income (or already has) nd isn’t at pension age yet bc that’s 67 and she’s 65 so they’re dependant on mainly my dad who overworks on wage barely above minimum, though i do think my mom gets a little bit so that’s a bit of a relief. but urgh i rly don’t want them to pay for so much for me, nd though the municipality doesn’t check my bank account regularly, it can if it suspects fraud nd they do that for the most random reasons so i’m always afraid they will check and see my parents send money and end up witholding welfare benefits for us.