#the amount of hours i have spent on the phone this evening is insane

[writersmorgue]

put a finger down if you leave out of state to visit your family for a week and while you're gone your gf tells all your friends you abuse her regularly and stalk her and control her every action and that she broke up with you a week ago and you haven't left her alone and she doesn't have the heart to break up with you even though this whole time she's been calling you and texting you and saying how much she loves you and then you find all of this out and realize she's been lying to you and your friends for your entire relationship and as soon as she realizes she has been caught she packs her car and flees the state and

wait

why is my finger down. lol. that's crazy

[evieelyzabethh]

a college!jayce oneshot would be sooo goood. I love the way u write and the details u add! angsty,fluff,smut i dont mind. Just anything is fine with me 🤞🤞

be warned, this is incredibly self indulgent because I just finished my exams and desperately need to get dicked down by my slightly pervy husband...anyway

collegeau!Jayce is usually the one requesting the rewards for his "hard work", but being the kind, perceptive boyfriend, he has known exactly what you need in these very trying times. When he realized he couldn't talk you down from your all-nighters, he stayed up with you, mini fridge stocked with energy drinks and his coffee machine on stand-by when you got tired of the cold drinks. He's there with you for your hours long library visits, biding his time by making you good luck origami cranes or listening to you teach him the concepts you're studying for practice. If you need silence, he quieter than a mouse, if you need someone to talk to, he's all ears.

By the time his finals are done, yours aren't. There must some cruel force in the universe that mandated not only exams, but papers, projects, and presentations all be placed into your lap with rather constricting due dates and very short turn-around periods. The struggle was manageable enough when you were both going through it, but now that he's reached the end of the tunnel alone, he misses his girlfriend. Now, he sees you eating sleep for dinner and nearly going cross-eyed from the countless hours you've spent going back and forth between your textbook, your laptop, and your notes.

Any word he'd say would be hypocritical. To try and convince you to take it easy and come back to bed would be hilariously insincere considering that the trenches look identical for the both of you. But now his head is clearer, and he's forced to watch your increasingly slouchy posture and hope your poor heart can stomach the insane amounts of caffeine you've ingested in such a short period of time.

Eventually, all the papers have been turned in and he's waiting anxiously for you outside of the lecture hall where your final final just took place, and you look alive for the first time in weeks, but you're still a bit sluggish. Ain't shit funny til those grades populate, so you find it within yourself to smile but there's still a fragile week ahead of you when you really could cry at any given moment if pushed hard enough.

This just won't do, though!!! collegeau!Jayce believes he has thoroughly failed as a boyfriend as he watches you, sprawled out on his bed, some show mindlessly droning on in the background, continuously refreshing your email and course page. So much so, that he plucks the phone right from his hands and throws it into one of his messy drawers. And you try to grab it, though not making it very far as his long strides catch up to you rather quickly and your being hoisted over his shoulders and thrown back onto his bed, exactly where you belong.

See, besides the obvious torture of watching you torture yourself; Jayce has not gotten off in weeks; he would feel guilty if he wasn't able to be there for you because he's too busy jerking off in the bathroom while you're hard at work. So, he was being the good boyfriend, the one who's pleasure is completely derived from your own and he can't even try to make himself feel good if you aren't. But now, the hard times have passed, and he cannot fathom holding off any longer than he already has.

"Jayce-" And thank fuck you decided to wear a skirt today because if he had to fiddle with jeans, he would've lost his damn mind. "Jay, get off." He looks up at you with the biggest, brownest puppy dog eyes you ever did see, hands held where you could see them. "You really want me to stop?" No, of course you don't. "I wanna see if my grades been posted." He rolls his eyes so deeply you'd think he was searching the very wrinkles of his brain for a fuck to give.

His large hands move over your thighs, hypnotizingly playing with the hem of your skirt, the crotch of your terribly thin panties, rubbing his thumb what he's really been craving for the worst part of these past two weeks. "I really don't care." If he weren't so impatient, he would've been smoother. Maybe kissed you until your head got all fuzzy, gave more attention to your tits, maybe he would've bothered to actually remove any of your clothing.

collegeau!Jayce who is just so messy and couldn't be paid to give a shit as he's eating you out through your panties. It catches you by surprise, the voracious way he plunges in, nose knocking at your clothed entrance as he licks and sucks at the growing wet spot forming. You grab at his hair, which only grows his already painfully hard erection. "Ngh.", is all that comes from his mouth. It was initially meant to be some sort of plea, pull it harder, please, but for his request to be heard, he would've had to pull away. He would rather die than do that before you gushed over his tongue.

He's making out with it, aggressive with the way he pushes himself further and further into you and his canines nick at the fabric until it inevitably tears right through. Both of your moan's echo around his walls along with the squeaking of the bed with the sheer force that he ruts his hips into it. "Sometimes, I really think you hate me." The accusation vibrates straight through your pussy, making your body shake before the words even hit your ears. "No -ah, fuck, I don't." He nods into you. "Only explanation for denying me heaven."

collegeau!Jayce who is a munch before all else, his fingers leaving prints on your thighs that are already wrapped tightly around his head, his other hand pressing down on your waist. You had this annoying habit of squirming away from him, cries about it being too much falling on deaf ears. He is a firm believer there is no such thing as too much of a good thing, only people who don't believe they deserve the abundance of good coming to them.

Jayce is that abundance, sucking on your clit until it becomes too much and you shake in his strong hands, your hips fighting against his calm hands that try to rub soothing circles into your skin. "Quit running from it, baby. Jus' want you to feel better. Don't you wanna feel good? Hm?"And the tears eventually start flowing. Your just overwhelmed, you haven't had your brain properly shut off in months. "Jay, too much." But he's not done yet, instead, he tries to indicate through touch what he would whisper in your ear. You can take it. You deserve a little treat, a nice reward. His pretty girl just needs to be loosened up, just needs to think a little less, and as the best boyfriend in the world, he's going to make that happen.

[grlsinterrupted]

i hope your requests are open again but if not im so sorry!! but i was wondering if u could do a dallas winston x fem!reader where reader is having problems at home (her parents being shitty yk?) and she is just having a really bad day and shes on the verge of a break down but then dallas calls and says he needs bail but she cant bring herself to be angry or else she’ll finally break so she just agrees and goes to get him but he senses somethings wrong and tries to get her to talk to him and basically just a really really really soft dallas

sorry if thats too much😭❤️

but tysm i luv ur work🫶🏼

love is a gentle thing, your’s is thicker than a velvet ring ࿔*:･ﾟ

you’ve reached your breaking point | dallas winston x fem ! reader ⊹ ࣪ ˖

-

it’s insane how much a piece of paper dictates what you can do, what you can’t do, who you can talk to— your entire life, really. though it holds no monetary value, your report card has always seemed to define your self worth, and better yet, served as a constant reminder that you’ll never truly satisfy your parents. no matter how many hours you spent slaving away on your assignments, fighting back the urge to fall asleep right on your desk, your dedication will never be enough.

a thick silence fills the room, the only sound coming from the faint chirping of crickets and the rhythm of your rugged breathing. you’re seated on the corner of your bed, your hands shaking as you grapple onto the edges of your report card. the paper is crinkled, stained with tears and remnants of your mascara smeared across the letter ‘b+.’ the memory of your mother lecturing you about your grades replays in your head like a song you want to unhear. one single letter was enough to spiral you into a loop of madness. suddenly, the silence is broken by a ringing phone. you flinch, reaching over your nightstand to answer it.

you clear your throat, sniffling. “hello?”

a familiar voice huffs out a chuckle behind the phone. it didn’t take you long to realize that this accented tone belonged to none other than your boyfriend, dallas. “hey, doll. y’know how the fuzz are, they’ve been on my ass all week.”

“dal? are you seriously calling me from jail?” your voice is shaky as you bite back your tears, the report card’s weight heavy on your lap. despite how desperately you needed to cry, right now wasn’t the time. you’ve gathered all the composure remaining in you to deal with dallas’ reckless behavior.

“listen, i’m g’na need a couple bucks for bail. you’d do that for me, wouldn’t ya?”

all you can do is sigh. of course he’d called you for bail. even though you wanted to blow up at him over the phone and tell him to pay for his own bail, you couldn’t bring yourself to be angry at him. you were just as troubled as he was, if not, worse— the only difference being that you prioritized your future more than he ever would.

“sure, whatever. i’ll just- i’ll drive there right now. don’t do anything while i’m gone.”

dallas grazes his bloody knuckles against his a bruise on his cheekbone, wincing. somehow, he’d gotten into a fight with a soc while he was walking to buck’s place. granted that you’ve been silent the entire time, he could sense something was wrong with you— the way your eyes have lost that little sparkle in them, the way your head tilted downwards as the two of you walked out of the police station, and most of all, the fact that you didn’t even hug him once he was released.

despite the amount of times dallas has tried to reisist your post-jail hugs, they’re all he looks forward to while he’s stuck in his cell. your hugs blanket him with a sense of security— the kind of security he’s never had. without that subtle gesture, he felt as though a part of him was missing.

“you’ve been awfully quiet.” dallas mutters under his breath, looking down at you.

you shrug, shaking your head. “i never noticed.”

“yeah, but ya know what i notice?” he pockets his hands. “sum’s wrong with ya.”

you can feel your throat begin to close up as you reply. “nothing’s wrong, dal,” your voice begins to tremble as you tell yourself, do not cry in front of your boyfriend. “let’s just go home, now. i’m tired.”

“are ya mad at me for getting into a fight?” he raises a brow, nudging you with his shoulder. “‘cause if you are, he came onto me first.”

something in you snaps, emotions overflowing like a dam bursting. the stray tear that you’ve been fighting to hold back runs down your cheek. you’ve finally reached your limit. “i’m not mad at you for that! well- i am, but i’m just.. i’m stressed, okay?! everyone is stressing me out!”

dallas goes silent for a second, just watching you shatter in front of him. once he replies, his voice immediately softens. “y’know you can talk to me about anythin’, right?”

you gulp, wiping away the tear as you nod.

dallas runs a hand through his hair, biting the inside of his lip almost as if he’s hesitant to say something. he then begins to speak up.

“you forgot somethin’.”

he pulls you into a warm embrace, brushing his fingers through the strands of your hair as you cry into his arms. this time, the hug is offering you that sense of security that dallas yearns for. you’re finally safe in his arms, safe from all of the expectations set on you.

‘love is a gentle thing, your’s is thicker than a velvet ring ..’ .ᐟ ₊˚⊹♡

-

[papurgaatika]

Kiss Me Once, Then Kiss Me Twice

Pairing: Joel Miller x F! Reader

MINORS DNI WITH MY WORK PLEASE !!

A/N: disclaimer this is so insanely self-indulgent. I got my IUD put in this past Wednesday and have been in bed with pain since then and if I could have gotten a strong man to coddle me through it, I would be 900x better than I am today. Quite frankly, I'm dying more now than I was the day of the procedure but that's bc I'm impatient and can't wait a whole three months for the side effects to pass. If you're thinking about getting an IUD please talk to a doctor about allll the side effects and which one is best for you and also yap @ me about it, I'm an open book

Also, this is not beta read, I don't care enough. I'm sorry y'all are gonna see my overuse of commas. Xoxo, peace and love on earth from me as always.

Remember that TLOU is created by a zionist so please look at the resources in my bio on ways to donate and educate yourself!!

Tags/warnings: fluff, domestic joel, reader has an IUD and has hair that joel runs his fingers through.

Word Count: 773

Summary: Like I said earlier, self-indulgent perfect boyfriend joel taking care of you after your IUD insertion.

I’m dying.

That was the notification that popped up on Joel’s phone while he was at work. He was confused, but mostly just concerned. You’d usually send him a message with an egregious amount of punctuation or emojis to emphasize your mood, so to see something so… bland was worrying. He didn’t think he would be able to sit patiently for a reply to a text and calls you instead “Baby, you alright? What happened?” His voice is soft but stressed at the same time, wanting to make sure that you are alright. 

And despite your current agony, he did soothe you. The low timbre of his voice, the way you could imagine his brow creasing, was more than any anti-anxiety pill could do for you. “I got my IUD put in.” you know he could hear just how pitiful you sounded, curled up in bed with your heating pad currently burning a hole into your skin “Everything hurts, I’m dying.” 

You were absolutely tugging on his heartstrings and he could feel his protectiveness taking over. “Oh sugar,” he coos into the phone “I’ll be over in a little bit, alright? You hang tight for me, I'm on my way.” He doesn’t even give you time to protest before he hangs up the phone and tells Tommy he’s taking an early day today, heading over to you as soon as possible.  The next half hour was spent with you curled in bed, trying to get comfortable and failing. You could barely stomach any food, the ibuprofen wasn’t doing anything, and your heating pad felt like it was barely on despite it staying at the highest setting. All of the lights in your room were off and you just wanted to curl into a hole, it was like your period cramps had gotten steroids and you were dealing with the aftermath. 

About forty minutes into your routine of deep breaths and groaning into a pillow you hear your front door open, and a gentle knock on your bedroom door. “Honey?” Joel’s soft voice calls out “Oh baby…” he drops the bags of goodies he’d picked up for you and moves to brush a few strands of hair from your sweaty forehead, laying a kiss on your skin. “That bad?” you all but manage to nod in response to his question, clutching the heating pad closer to your stomach. He pulls out a bag of chocolates he’d gotten from the store and hands you a piece. “C’mon baby, eat somethin’ for me.” 

You open your mouth and let him give you a piece of the chocolate, a smile finding its way onto your lips. “Thank you, Joel,” you whisper, looking at him like he’d hung the stars for you. “Y’know what I really need though?” you ask, taking a deep breath through the monstrous cramp that hit you “Boyfriend weighted blanket.” Joel can’t help but laugh aloud at your words, his hand running over your back in soft motions, rubbing at your hips to help keep the aches away from you. He would give into anything you asked of him in a heartbeat, and if you wanted him to lay on top of you to feel better, he would do it. 

“Alright, pretty baby. One boyfriend weighted blanket coming up.” He stands up and stretches out before he lays down, his weight practically smushing you into the mattress. You let out a sigh of relief at the constant pressure against your body, helping the pain and tiredness fade in the moment. You can see him rummaging through a grocery bag next to your bed through your peripheral vision, and letting out a snort of laughter when he pulls out a giant tub of Advil. 

You try to keep a straight face when he puts it on your side table, right in your line of sight, but you can't help the giggles that leave your lips. “That thing could cure a small village of aches and pains, honey.” you chew your lip in a half attempt to stay quiet. 

You can feel Joel shrug on top of you, pressing a kiss to the back of your head. “Wanted to make sure you were all good this weekend, I’m not leaving you for a damn second.” he murmurs against your hair “Got some soup on the way too, know you barely eat anythin’ anyway.” your heart was overflowing with how much love you had for this man. The one who had offered to take you to your appointment, to get a vasectomy so that you wouldn't have to go through the pain of this, your perfect man.

[princesssmars]

hazel falling in love with her childhood family friend is rotting my brain actually.

wc : 1383

sfw and slight nsfw? fem reader. thanking emma and rachel for making hazel rich because i love writing rich people stuff. i’d say maybe a good mix of cocky!hazel and loser!hazel because i love both so bad.

so for the first six years of her life she spends her winter holidays at a beautiful chalet in aspen with her parents, spending the days having snowball fights with her dad and falling asleep by the fireplace with her mom.

just like. she's rich, and her mom seems like one of thos wealthy women who loves to go on vacation to show off her perfect life and her perfect friends, so she or her husband definitely had a vacation house they'd visit every year.

when she turns seven they finally let her start skiing on the bunny slope, figuring it’s better than the little evil genius thing she does with the pots and the tiny snowmen. for a little kid she's pretty good at the sport already, if not taking the pizza and french fry tip a little too seriously.

about an hour in though, she's taking her umpteenth trip down the hill when a four foot mass slams into her right side, going at way above whatever speed limit was allowed in this area. she's lying flat on the ground, her right arm aching and her hound pounding and she's about ten seconds from crying when she looks over to see you, face planted in the snow and your shoulders shaking as you laugh like you're insane.

both sets of your parents rush over to make sure that the both of you are ok, and after you manage to calm down a bit and give hazel a very formal sounding apology that your mom whispered in your ear, you ask hazel if she can help you learn to control your speed on the slopes.

so after an hour of driving her crazy as she tries to teach you how to control your speed, your moms sit at a table watching over the both of you while sipping on their drinks and becoming fast friends.

ever since then, each winter was spent together. whether it was spending time in the snow, (hazel continued to excel at skiing, eventually giving up on trying to teach you), sharing stories of your normal lives over cups of cocoa at the cafe in the ski lodge, and helping each other decorate your christmas trees that you both had to beg your parents to buy.

whenever she went back home the days following new years, she’d count the days until she could see you again. to compensate for the time apart your parents let you send a horde of letters and e-mails to each other, letting the two of you share long phone calls on their phones when you were still to young to have your own.

hazels secret favorite hobby became photography. you couldn’t go twenty minutes without her shoving her polaroid camera in your face. she’ll tell you it’s because she’s using the vacation time to explore and try new things, and not that she constantly looks back over the photos of you with a big smile and a flush to her face.

(she also won’t mention that she’s addicted to the feeling she gets when pj and josie come over to her house and pj goes ona ten minute rant about how impossible it is that a girl that pretty could spend time with hazel without being insane. she ignores the insult because she’s hung up on the fact oh called you pretty.)

now i think hazel was pretty much always aware of the fact that she liked girls, if not because she realized that being obsessed with a certain scene from cruel intentions and always volunteering to play the husband when one of her friends wanted to play house on the playground was, in fact, not straight.

but at this point she’s maybe fifteen, she’s starting to grow into her looks and she’s definitely not ready to admit she might has a crush on you. at this point you both have had your own phones for a while, and she couldn’t even count the amount of times she had fallen asleep with you over facetime.

over the course of that year she often found herself wondering what your sexuality was. dumb ass stereotypes had her believing there was no way you, pretty and popular and preppy you could possibly be gay. and if you were a lesbian there was no chance that you'd like her back.

it was just made all the more confusing when once she had complained about how she hadn't had a girlfriend, let alone a first kiss yet and she was nearly halfway through high school with no experience for the hundredth time that you told her you had a solution for her on your next shared trip.

so you can imagine her shock when three days after landing in aspen you pull her into your room in your lodge and sit her on your bed before telling her you knew the perfect way to get more experience was to experiment with you.

"your first few times kissing and stuff can be pretty awkward, so why not just do it with me? i can show you the ropes and stuff.”

now on the outside she seemed normal, agreeing with an easy smile on her face, but on the inside her brain was playing the loudest tornado siren known to man.

it starts tame, the first few days consisting of you just telling her about your past experiences with girls and how to take it slow and everything. she knows its important but it honestly feels like torture. every time you talk to her she's wondering about what you'll do to start the physical lesson, if you'll set her down on her plush bed and softly touch her, or if you'll finally get fed up with the waiting like she is and press her and take her against a wall.

if you had known you would have prepared, but hazel was a freak in disguise and had decided that she was ready to take things into her own hands. you had invited her to sleep over at yours and drink hot cocoa while watching christmas movies and she had accepted in a heartbeat. what she didn't expect was for you to be wearing really cute pajamas, your legs covered in little hello kitty's and christmas trees with a plain red top and geez she could see you weren't wearing a bra.

hazel was a ticking time bomb, and when the two of you were sitting on the couch and she watched the reds and whites and golds dance across your face and you looked ovver at her with a 'what's wrong, hazie?' she exploded, smushing her lips onto yours in a mess of limbs and teeth.

she can feel your giggles in her mouth as she presses you down into the plush of the couch, her excited hands gripping your cheeks before brushing over your chest and gripping your waist, grinding her hips into yours and groaning when your giggle turned into high pitched moans.

it feels like she kisses you for hours before you reluctantly stop, your hands going to press into her shoulders when her head follows yours to resume making out. "hazel, as much as i'm enjoying this we were supposed to be taking this slowly. since when did you know how to...do that?"

"i dont know i just," she sighs as she tries to catch her breath, starting to get embarrassed about what a virginal mess she must look and be acting like. but you seem to like it, so she starts to not care all that much. "i just really want you. i wanna do everything with you."

you smile and hold her cheek in your hand, her eyes fluttering shut at your touch. you look at the gentle expression on her face, the slowing of her breath, and how her hips still occasionally stutter downward looking for yours, and you cant find it in your heart to deny her. you never really could.

"ok, hazie. we can do whatever you want-"

you're cut off before you can finish, the girl quickly rejoining your lips together and groping at your body once again.

when she gets back from vacation, hazel is less single, less unexperienced, and more than ready to throw this in pj's face.

i kinda lost inspo for this can you tell :,(((( but i thought the idea was cute so take this thing. bye.

[wcnderlnds]

mulled wine | kyle spencer

CHRISTMAS ADVENT — DAY THREE

・❥・summary: you get a little tipsy with your boyfriend and confessions are spilled・❥・warnings: alluding to kyle's abuse but it's not specifically said・❥・word count: 1.2k・❥・authors note: gotta be honest this isn't my best work but we still out here anyway!! you can join my taglist here!

College had consumed most of your time lately. The end of the year meant exams, which in turn meant your usual free time was spent studying. At this point your dorm room was covered in books, papers and endless amounts of empty cans of Red Bull. So many all nighters had been pulled just to make sure you were fully prepared. The last thing you could afford was failing your exams. The major downside to studying meant you'd barely had time to see your boyfriend Kyle. He was in the same boat. He was preparing for his engineering exams so the most you'd talked was a FaceTime call here and there that barely lasted five minutes.

You missed him. Kyle was the best part of your days. There wasn't anything his bright smile couldn’t fix. It wasn't the same seeing it on a small phone screen. Thankfully, the last of your exams approached. Once that final one was over with, you made plans with Kyle. It had felt like weeks since you'd been around him in person. What you needed right now was a Kyle Spencer hug.

The plan was to check out the local Christmas market. It was perfect – you really needed to buy some last minute gifts before you headed back home for the holidays anyway. Maybe even treat yourself. After all, you deserved it after the stress of the past few weeks. It was a miracle your head hadn’t exploded. Kyle had said he'd meet you at the market so you hopped on the bus, jacket wrapped tightly around you. Actually, it was Kyle's jacket that you'd 'borrowed' from him weeks ago. It smelt exactly like him; bringing you the comfort you so very needed.

It didn't take you long to spot him when you stepped off the bus. His messy blonde hair peeked out from under the beanie he was wearing. The biggest smile imaginable graced your features as you ran over to him. Without missing a beat, he wrapped his arms around you, spinning you around in a hug.

"I missed you," he mumbled into your ear, pressing kisses all over your cheek. He placed you back on the ground, only pulling away slightly to look at you, taking in your flushed cheeks and bright smile. "How did I last this long without seeing your beautiful face?"

His words were so sweet, enough to make you want to melt into a puddle on the floor. How you ended up with the sweetest, most caring boyfriend you had no clue. It had been a chance meeting in a coffee shop almost a year ago now. You had been picking up your coffee order when you bumped into Kyle, knocking his right out of his hands. It was something straight out of a rom-com. You had expected him to kick off and get mad at you but he only smiled, telling you not to worry. You bought him a new coffee and after a brief chat, he gave you his number and the rest was history. Although he never let you live that day down.

"You're ridiculous," you giggled, leaning in to press your lips against his soft ones. It felt like home finally being able to kiss him after weeks. His arms around you tightened, pressing you flush against his body like he couldn't get you close enough.

"Only because weeks of not seeing you have driven me insane."

"You were already insane before that."

"Rude," he playfully rolled his eyes, tapping you on the ass in a joking manner. "Don't see me for weeks and this is the welcome I get."

"I'll make it up to you later." One chaste kiss later, you tore yourself away from him, sliding your hand into his. "Come on, I have to get some Christmas presents before I forget."

An hour later with shopping bags in hand, Kyle had pulled you into the makeshift Christmas bar that was the main attraction of the whole market. Eggnog and mulled wine were the specials on the menu but you’d never really been one for eggnog so mulled wine it was. Kyle had tried the eggnog with the words “it can’t be that bad” but he instantly regretted it, spitting it out. It was the highlight of your whole day.

“At least this isn’t as bad as that other crap,” Kyle said, bringing the mulled wine up to his lips. “Who knew warm wine was nice?”

You were both about three glasses deep now, feeling a little tipsy. It was well deserved after the last few weeks. Both of you deserved to let loose and enjoy each other’s company. It was one of the last times you’d get to be together before you flew home for the holidays. Kyle’s home life wasn’t the best – he hadn’t told you exactly what was going on but you knew it was something to do with his mom so you’d asked him to come with you. He’d politely declined. His mother was already jealous that he was dating you so if he went home with you for the holidays? All hell would break loose.

“We have to make this a new tradition.” You cradled the small glasses of liquid in your hands, the heat keeping you warm. “Just me, you and mulled wine every Christmas.”

“You got yourself a deal, babe.” He sipped off the last bit of his current drink, placing it back down on the table with a thud. “Oops.”

“You’re cute when you’re tipsy.”

“You’re always cute,” his grin slowly turned into a frown, his chin resting on his hand as he looked over at you. “When do you go back home?”

“Next weekend. I wish you’d come with me,” your hand reached across the table, lacing your fingers with his free one. A simple gesture but it meant the world to him.

“Can’t, babe. I’d love nothing more than to spend Christmas with the person I’m madly in love with but…” He shrugged his shoulders not realising what he’d said. His brow rose as he saw the look you were giving him. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“Person you’re madly in love with?” Unshed tears brimmed your eyes. You’d known for a while how you felt about Kyle. It had been so easy to fall in love with him but you weren’t sure if he felt the same way. Turns out he did. Your heart felt like it was on cloud nine as you gazed into the soft brown eyes of your boyfriend.

Kyle’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh shit, did I say that out loud?” He chuckled, his hand rubbing the back of his neck - a nervous habit he’d picked up over the last few months. “Cats out of the bag, I guess. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a while just… never really knew the right time to tell you. Guess the mulled wine knew, though.”

Your thumb lightly brushed against the skin on the back of his hand, your voice gentle as you spoke. “I love you, too. Best thing to ever happen to me, Kyle Spencer.”

“Same even if you like throwing coffee over me.”

“Shut up or I'll make you drink some more eggnog.”

Giggles erupted from both of you, Kyle waving over the bartender for some more mulled wine. He knew that no matter what happened, he always had you and this moment to get him through whatever waited for him at home.

taglist: @strawb3rrystar @jazzy-reads @ldydeath @decaf-mother @mistysconcilium @xrag-dollx @lacucarachapisser @honeymoon8 @urmomsg1rlfreind @marchsfreakshow

[darry-queen]

Modern Steve hcs!!

he builds computers!

He does commissions for pc builds and makes a pretty penny from it too

One time his dad threw out a couple thousand dollars worth of gear in a fit of rage, after that Steve kept all of his expensive things at the Curtis house.

Soda and Twobit rope him into making tiktoks w them

Had an incredibly cringe Elon musk crypto bro faze when he was 14 and no one will let go of it

Can pirate literally anything

Pony will ask him to pirate a bunch of movies and he acts pissed about it and goes on rants but actually loves doing it for him bc even though he has told everyone in the gang he'd pirate anything for them pony is the only one that takes advantage

When he was a kid he had unrestricted internet access which he used to watch exclusively YouTube videos about cars

He spent so much time doing this that he is completely oblivious of any and all pop culture

He barely knows who Brad Pitt is how the hell would he know niche micro e celeb # 1849939??

This is contrasted with Sodas complete obsession with internet drama so every conversation they have is like

"Did you here what x did??"

Steve who just spent the last 16 hours locked in his room building a pc with nothing but niche goth rock playing "huh??"

Evie is the same so every time her and soda are together they just gossip about random people Steve's never heard of and he's just 🧍‍♂️

Is the least chronically online of the entire gang though so....

Is fluent in French bc when he and Soda would hang out when they were little and steve would pull out the phone his dad gave him so he wouldn't have to watch his kid Soda would insist they watch a French guy play Minecraft and now they just know french

Don't know how to spell or read French for shit but eh who cares

I wrote some stuff about him knowing how to code and him using it for evil to make fuxked up troll games for the gang to play

Just over all I imagine he'd use the internet "for good" in that he just becomes incredibly tech savvy

Actually works hard in school bc he wants to be an engineer even though he knows hell absolutely end up in insane amounts of debt

I'll reblog w more later if I feel like it but idk I love Steve ✨️✨️

[jolaunay]

A Farewell to Unicorns...

If you have been following me long enough, you probably know that about a year ago I have started a crazy cross-stitch project, see post here . I have posted updates here n there throughout 2023 with the tag #ladyandtheunicornproject . As every crafter & artist would know, when you embark on such a journey, it keeps lingering in the back of your mind every damn day that you don't work on it. I didn't touch it in months, then I finally found the energy to get back to it. This is the progress I made in a year, a little shy of 1.5 pages out of a 60-page pattern:

It just felt hopeless, the amount of confetti in this pattern is insane. And most of the time, it didn't even look like it made much difference. Then it kinda dawned on me; is this pattern the product of a pattern mill?

What it is a "pattern mill" you might ask... Some cross-stitch pattern shops on etsy simply use photos of artwork and convert them to cross-stitch patterns using free websites. They don't credit the artist, they don't pay a dime for the software, yet they profit from their work. The end result usually does not translate well to cross-stitch; lots of confetti, the project is unmanageable, kills the joy of crafting and when you're finished, it looks like a pixelated photo taken with an early 2000s phone camera.

After further research, I was convinced that my pattern is also from a pattern mill - considering the amount of money I spent on this project, it felt like a punch in the gut. My family will never have generational wealth & afford a vacation home on Rhode Island coast because of this fucking project! But hey, c'est la vie! You live and you learn... See related posts here & here

Sometimes, you just gotta know when to say "enough of this bullshit", cut your losses and walk away from a situation. For that reason, there's no point in working on this project anymore and making it my "Sagrada de Familia". So, I came up with an idea to finish it in an alternative way:

"Unfinished paintings are more admired than the finished because the artist's actual thoughts are left visible." This is a quote from Gaius Plinius Caecilius Secundus, some important guy who lived during the Ancient Roman times. I think it is a fitting quote because it represents my vision of saying "fuck this" and not having the fallacy of the sunk costs. Finished it, framed it and now displaying it in my library room in front of another tapestry from the Unicorn series.

It gives me closure rather than disappointment for a project that I started with such high hopes & excitement. If I just put it in a bag and threw it to the bottom of a closet, it'd make me feel guilty. But this still makes me feel accomplished, because it honors the hours of effort I put into it. It turned into a nice little conversation piece with a story. I still love cross-stitching and will work on better patterns in the future. There's already enough to dread about in life. Unfortunate experiences shouldn't take the joy out of pleasant activities!

[1toreyouapart]

The Lies We Tell

***FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. MDNI. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T LIKE FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE***

Summary that tells you nothing: Sometimes everything you ever wanted has been right there, within reach, all along.

CW/TW: Angst, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, fingering, PinV, pet names, friends with benefits, more to come as I actually get things written out.

Masterlist

The Kiss

Dread settled into his stomach as he checked the time. Again. 9pm. Either she was coming home soon or she would be gone another six hours. Seemed these dates either went wrong fast, or they went well enough for her to go home with them. If she didn’t come home until the middle of the night, the sushi he had ordered and was sitting in the fridge would be a “surprise” lunch tomorrow, as usual. One thing he had learned about her the night they had met was her love of sushi. It was her comfort food. Stressed? She wanted sushi. Sad? Sushi was the answer. Just not feeling well in general? You guessed it, sushi. Unbeknownst to Quinn he had actually started learning how to make it just so he could surprise her with it. Maybe get her in the kitchen with him to make it soon.

She would get so frustrated, but he loved cooking with her. Always so serious in the kitchen, whereas he was always coaxing her into having fun with it. Having fun with him. Quinn had a tendency to take things too seriously sometimes. Making a mess in the kitchen? She hated that. Part of him kind of loved antagonizing her a bit. The way she would look at him as he intentionally spilled the smallest amount of something on the counter. And even after all this time she still hadn’t figured out that was his warning before he would start a full on food fight with her.

Another glance at the clock. 9:20pm. If the date had gone bad early on she would be home in the next 30 minutes. She never went too far from home for the first part of the date. And if she was headed to their place after the date, she always turned location sharing back on with him. Just like he had taught her. Always meet them at the location. Stay close to home in case of emergency, and always let someone know where she was going. The fact she hadn’t shared her location with him yet was driving him insane. Logically he knew they were still at the restaurant. Which he had the address of. But the illogical part of him said she had stupidly left the restaurant with this guy and was lying in a ditch somewhere.

The front door swung open, the sound of her shoes being kicked off and hitting the wall startling him. He hadn’t even heard her key in the lock. Noah quickly checked his phone, making sure he hadn’t missed her usual “On my way home” text. Nothing. Oh, fuck. That meant one thing. The date had gone so terribly he doubted even sushi and a movie could fix it. He didn’t dare look up at her, even. The last time she had come home like this and he’d done that she went off about how she didn’t need his pity.

Usually she went straight for the kitchen and brought back the sushi that she inevitably made him eat with her. This time, however, she flung herself down on the couch, her body stretching out beside him while her head found its place in his lap. This was new. Unusual. Had it really been that bad? Slightly terrified of what he would find he looked down at her, noting that while there weren’t any marks on her, at least not on her face, it was obvious she had been crying. Her makeup was smudged just so.

“Hey, baby. What’s wrong?” His voice was quiet. Calm in spite of the confusion and anger swirling inside him. What the fuck had happened?

“He spent the entire hour at the restaurant talking about how much money he makes and how cool his stupid fucking car is.”

Okay. He was right. Dude was a total tool. But that didn’t explain the state she came home in.

“What the fuck did he do?”

Guilt pierced him when she flinched at his raised voice, but he couldn’t stop himself. The thought that he had hurt her, that this waste of oxygen might have put his hands on her, was driving him up the wall.

“Quinn! What the fuck did he do?!” He pulled her up to sit in his lap, his hands wandering over her as he searched for injuries.

“He didn’t touch me, Noah.” She swallowed, finally meeting his eyes. “He made a gross comment about goth girls, and I ended the date.”

Relief surged through him and he clutched her against him, hugging her as tight as he could without hurting her. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of peaches that always clung to her. That scent had become home to him. Shit, she was home for him. This asshole hadn’t put his hands on her. At least there was that.

“He-he followed me outside. Told me good luck finding a man that would put up with me. And…Noah, he’s fucking right. Look at my track record. Look at how we met! I was some sad, heartbroken girl drinking her sorrows away.”

Quinn broke. Right there in his arms. His words from earlier rang loud as fuck in his head. Telling her she had shitty taste in men. Her broken sobs, muffled by his shoulder, shattered him into millions of little pieces. She had never sounded like this before. Not even the night they had met. No matter what happened she never broke like this. So he did the only thing he could think to do at that moment. He took her head in his large hands, lifted it off his shoulder, and pressed his lips against hers in the hope that he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.

Tag: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[sopiloveshobi]

Back theory

Inspired by insanely buff Joon pictures that dropped today. Also I needed to make sure my friend can imagine what is like to feel a heavy, buff Joon on her 🤭 Love you Sam!

!Warnings: +18

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You took it out and saw a text message from the man you have been missing so much lately.

KNJ 8:45pm I can’t wait to get out of here. Another day where I felt useless as fuck. Honestly get me out of here already.

You chuckled reading the message. You received a message like that twice a week at least. He would moan about feeling useless and wanting to get out of his military service often. There were days when he felt proud to serve and when he achieved something, you would know about it the same evening. His free time was limited and so was his time off. Because of that last time you have seen him was few months ago and when you did it was only for a short amount of time. You had a coffee and a short walk around the park and then a meal together. There wasn’t enough of alone time. One on one time. Any sexy time. You have seen he has changed. Physically and mentally. Mentally he has been softer, there has been much more yearning going on, he was needy and he would occasionally send you a text or a picture with him admitting how much he misses you. Physically he has gotten bigger, bigger in general. At first you thought it was because he wasn’t dealing well with the fact that he was locked up there for a year and a half. He would just eat more than usual and skipped workouts. But you couldn’t have been more wrong, because he spent so much time exercising that all the weight he gained was already turned into muscle. At least that’s what you saw on the very last picture you found of him online. You weren’t doing it often but you knew you could find some of the more recent pictures of him floating around the web, because the fans just like you were yearning to Kim Namjoon. They were curious how was he doing and if he has changed at all.

KNJ 8:55pm I swear the day that I am out of here will be happiest day of my life. Second happiest. The first one was when you agreed to date me.

Another messaged popped on your phone. You smiled again. You were still thinking how to comfort him through the screen of a phone. What could you possibly say to him to make him feel better, less lonely, less like he should escape that place.

‘I miss you so much, when can I see you next?’ you responded to his text and locked your phone. You were in the middle of cooking yourself very late dinner. You were so busy all day and stayed at work longer than usually and completely forgot to eat. Your phone chimed again.

KNJ 9:01pm Soon angel, soon.

You didn’t know what kind of soon he had in mind. You didn’t want to know either. The days would only go by longer and as much as you would love to count them down, it was just easier not to. You have pulled the pasta out of the pot and strained it in the sink. The sauce was also ready and you poured it all over the pasta, grabbed glass of wine that has been your cooking companion since you got home. Tomorrow was Saturday and you were really looking forward to your weekly cleaning schedule. Religiously, every Saturday you would go around your entire flat and clean every nook and cranny. It was part of your routine that helped you feel grounded and in control. Because if you didn’t manage to ground yourself this way, you would be upset, ugly crying in your pillow all day missing Joon. It was difficult. It was worse than you thought it would be. When he announced that he will have to enlist, your heart broke into millions of pieces. You were unsure whether he would even continue your relationship in this scenario. Being away from him wasn’t unusual, but it felt more restraining. You knew you wouldn’t be able to be surprised by him coming from tour one day early, or fly you over to a random concert so you could watch from backstage and spend few hours together. But this felt different. It felt like he was further away than when he was on the other side of the world. You felt empty without him, because he was your home. You didn’t live together and there weren’t any recent mentions of this to change, yet still he was your comfort. Your home. And you were his. He very rarely would open up in front of you, but when he did, he made you realised how much he appreciated you, how much he loved you and how much of a safe zone you were for him.

You finished your pasta and your wine and were considering having another glass. But you decided against it, got up from your table and cleaned up after your dinner. Your phone buzzed again and you were hoping it was Joon but it was just a junk mail, about free vouchers you can claim. Since you already had your phone out you decided to snoop about the internet again and see if there was any newer pictures of your own boyfriend. How low have you stooped and how much have you been missing him to resort to looking him up. But you couldn’t find anything new. It was getting even later in the night and after a really long and tiring weekend you decided to get in bed and unplug. You have gotten ready for bed, brushed your teeth and completed your extended skin care routine, which you have always done on the weekends. You looked at the time and it was past 10 in the evening already. You turned all the lights in the apartment and got into your really cosy bed. You thought you might have trouble sleeping, but the second your head hit the pillow you felt like you’re floating and sailing away. Before you did actually fall asleep you sent a text to Namjoon: ‘Goodnight my love’. But you didn’t wait for an answer. You knew the answer might never come, at least not this evening. You put your phone away and closed your eyes. It was time for a sweet rest you felt like you deserved after the entire week of hustling.

The door lock clicked and a pair of heavy boots walked into the flat. The thumbing didn’t last very long and it got changed for a very quiet sliding noise. Quiet steps making their way to your bedroom. And you had no idea, sound asleep. Occasionally snoring and turning around. He walked into your bedroom and stood by the door. The moonlight poking through your unevenly closed curtains, straight at the bed, lighting your sleepy face. He would of sworn he could have looked at you like that for hours. But there was no time to waste. He slowly made his way around the bed towards the somewhat empty side of the bed. He slowly put his legs on top of the duvet and slowly put all of his weight on that side of the bed. You felt it but you only moved a little and turned around to face away. You were a heavy sleeper and at this very moment Joon wished you weren’t. He slowly got himself lower on the bed and moved towards your back. He put his hand on your side and the other slid behind your head, which you automatically lifted. Like it was natural, like it was a habit of yours. He put his chin as close to your ear as he could and whispered:

‘Angel, I’m home’ and he slowly glided his hand up and down the side of you. You didn’t budge. Nothing. Still sound asleep, sweetly unaware of the surprise waiting for you in your own bed. He repeated himself one more time but still nothing. It made him chuckle, it was so endearing that you were just so fast asleep and he was also amused by his own inability to wake you up. He decided kisses surely will be the way to go. He pressed his soft lips on the nook of your neck, and he kept peppering your cheek and neck with them until you finally started moving. You turned around, feeling another person around you and his smell surrounded you. You thought you were dreaming.

‘Joon?!’ you finally got your vision back after it has been blurry for a few seconds.

‘Yes angel, I told you I will see you soon’ his low raspy voice answered you and soon after you saw his gorgeous smile, his dimples on his face and his eyes turned into half moons.

‘Is this a dream?’ you asked him, not really fully believing your luck.

‘Not a dream, im off until Sunday and I will be staying with you until then if that’s okay’ he admitted and peppered another few kisses on your cheek. It was more than okay. You were in a little bit of a shock but once you managed to process the information you jumped on him. You lifted yourself slightly and crawled on top of him, wrapping both of your arms under his back and placing your head on his chest.

‘I’ve missed you so much’ you finally spoke, hearing his heart beating really fast in his chest. You looked up and locked your eyes with his. He smiled again and leaned his head down to reach your lips. And you reached back to him and his soft lips met yours. It started sweet and soft but it very quickly started turning fast. The both of you were yearning for each other for so long and the day has finally come. Neither of you would even come up for air, you would just take quick breaths in between the rushed kisses. You quickly felt him getting excited, as you were still laying on top of him and you were sure he could felt your excitement as well, through your very thin pj bottoms. You broke the kiss and got from him and from the bed.

‘Where are you..?’ he got really confused and instantly felt abandoned, missing you next to him.

‘I need to see you. I want the light on’ you answered, turning the corner light on. Still moody, not as obnoxious light as the top light would have been. You turned around and saw him laying in your bed, in his uniform. The expression on your face changed from excited to in awe. You couldn’t comprehend that he was there, he came home, he came to see you. He woke you up in the middle of the night to see you. You walked back to the bed and sat right next to him. He pulled himself up and was now half sitting with his back to the headboard, following your every move with his eyes.

‘Here I am’ he chuckled and made a funny ‘ta da’ like pose showing himself to you. And you giggled. He was so cute and so adorable yet so insanely hot.

‘Would you mind taking this jacket off? I need to check a theory’ you said with a cheeky smile on your face and he looked puzzled. A theory? Theory of what?

‘Theory of what exactly?’ he asked slowly unbuttoning his jacket. He took his time with it, knowing exactly what he was doing to you. He knew it would drive you crazy, as much as he played such an innocent soul, he knew all the weapons he was carrying.

‘Back theory’ you answered with a smile, as your pupils grew wider and wider, whilst he was working on unbuttoning his jacket. And he finally did, dog tags fell out dangling around his neck on his black undershirt. You spotted them but then you also noticed how they are dangling in front of his now huge chest. He has definitely changed. He is bigger now. Stronger. And your brain couldn’t handle it. You squeezed your eyes closed and opened them again just to make sure you aren’t actually dreaming. He took the jacket off completely, uncovering his really broad shoulders and incredibly buffed arms.

‘Do you want me to..?’ he asked, knowing you will not be able to say no to him continuing stripping for you. The black ROKA t-shirt that was now very tight around his upper body, slowly started rolling up as he kept pulling at the top of it. And with one fast move he pulled it fast, through his head and it landed on the floor. His dog tags still around his neck, now in front of his naked huge chest.

‘FUCK’ you only managed to squeak out when you saw him dropping the shirt on the floor. He was insane. He looked insane. All those pictures you have seen of him recently didn’t give him his justice. He looked even bigger in person than on those photos. You put your hand over your opened mouth and shook your head.

You sat there, feeling your underwear getting wetter and wetter. You could call it an ocean at this point. He got up from the bed and walked all the way around it to get to you. He helped you stand up on the bed and he was still somehow taller than you, even when you were on top of the bed. You bit your lip staring deeply into his eyes and you saw he wasn’t smiling anymore. You have also spotted a tent in his camo trousers. He grabbed you and pulled you to himself and you felt his strong arms around you now. He slowly glided his hand from your knee through your thigh and slipped his hand into your bottoms. He didn’t have to look for it long and his fingers felt the ocean that was currently drowning your cunt.

‘Fuck. Youre so wet’ he whispered into your ear and pulled your bottoms completely down. You unbuckled his belt and unzipped his trousers, slowly pulling them down. And they fell down, stopping briefly at his perky ass but you helped them make their way down. He stood out of them and was now standing in front of you, only in his underwear with a very visible and feelable boner at your service.

He grabbed you, and you wrapped your legs around his hips. He turned away from the bed and pushed you to the wall. He nearly squeezed you at that wall. And started attacking your neck. Your wetness now coating his still hidden away but hard length. You wrapped your arms around him, and started exploring his back. It was rock hard, you could feel the muscles tensing whilst he was holding you and you enjoyed every second of it. You also moved your hands to his shoulders and arms to feel his soft skin and also all the places he grew. To remember it. To keep it in your closest memories. As he kept kissing your neck, he finally slowly put you down, on the floor this time, still pinning you to the wall. And he took both of your wrists into his hands and held them for a second above your head, kissed you aggressively and let go. He lowered himself on his knees and burrier himself in between your legs. Slowly moved on them onto his shoulder and held onto your other leg, slowly kissing your lower belly and reaching the sweet spot. He nudged your clit with his nose and started peppering the entire area with kisses, eventually stopping and slowly licking your folds. Very gently at first, almost like saying a polite hello to your body, acknowledging that he was gone from it for too long. But then he picked up his pace and started circulating around your clit, eventually adding a finger or two and sliding it inside you. You banged your head on the wall and moaned the second you felt his lips on your lower area. Your leg on his shoulder drove you mad but gave him more access. You put both of your hands on his head and let him explore. And be explored and took his time, like a thirsty adventurer who hasn’t been home in weeks. Like his life depended on it. And when he felt like he was finished and your knees started to shake and he was slowly pushing you into an orgasm he stopped.

He pulled himself out of you, smirked and slowly moved you from the wall to the bed. And he pushed you, delicately but he still pushed you on the bed and you fell on your front. He followed you right away and trapped you under the weight of his body. He laid his body on yours, pulled his hard length out of his underwear and aimed it right at your entrance. Slowly slid inside you, grabbing you into his arms and pushing into himself. He kept sliding until he got to your cervix. Balls deep inside you. But he didn’t move, he freezes there. He lets you adjust to him, and when he does he can hear your whimpers and moans. When he feels you relaxed around him he started moving his his hips and he started thrusting into you. And he didn’t take him time, he picked up his pace at the same time kissing your back, up your spine.

‘Joon…’ you whimpered, feeling his huge bulky body on top of yours, thrusting the life in and out of you.

‘Little bit longer angel’ he grunted into your back. He pulled out of you and entered again, really deep, reaching the deepest ends of you. And be picked up the pace again, now ramming into you. Wet skin sounds slapping fills the room, mixed with his grunts and your moaning. And he finally reaches forward with his arm and putting his fingers on top of your clit. That was when you couldn’t hold it anymore. You closed your eyes and pushed your ass higher up almost trying to escape him and your body got flooded with ecstasy. You kept moaning and whining and he wouldn’t stop. He kept going and then be pulled himself up and grabbed your hips and added another thrust or two before he reached his top and painted you inside. Painted you white and kept going for a few more minutes.

Your heavy breathing filled the room and he pulled out, slowly turned you around and placed you on the bed. He cleaned himself up with his black tshirt that was still on the floor and disappeared in the bathroom. He came back with warm towel and he wiped your legs and tummy with it.

After that he moved you slightly to the side and got into bed right next to you. His strong arm wrapped you around and you folded forward laying your head on his chest again.

‘Your back is ridiculously buffed Joonie’ you whispered slowly petting his chest with your palm.

‘There is nothing better to do in that shithole angel’ he murmured back ‘but i also liked the look of your back tonight angel’ he added and put his hand into yours and planted a soft kiss on your forehead.

‘I’m so happy you are here’ you added, you closed your eyes and wrapped yourself around him, dozed off back to sleep.

[dianasaurusrex102]

Maybe it gets better? (I could wait, it'd be my pleasure) Pt.2!!

Authors Note and CW’s under the cut :p

Authors Note: Oh hey :D I didn’t take nearly 2 years to write the sequel wdym? And I most certainly didn’t set the ground work for a whole series that I definitely can’t finish but will do what I can, that’s insane!! Anyways thanks for those who came from the first part or those who I promised a part two and have been waiting (I see and appreciate you!!). This one is for my sapphic girls!! Ballora is the one out of the three who gets the least amount of love so I’m correcting that. Also giving my femcel core girls some rep, I can have my cake and eat it too! Comments and reposts are my food so part three might not take a whole year if I’m fed but who knows :) I absolutely hate when fanfic writers out their fan art into fics so I’m making seeing their redesigns options is you’d like to see the click here.

(Also @crazyytogetherrr @azmosposts @cherryxsapphic pspspsps come get your long over due food)

Content Warning(s): Female reader and anatomy, insane amounts of pet names, obsessive behavior (mild daydreaming of kidnapping in a non serious tone), and of course smut

—

You came back just like you said you would, you were never one to go back on your promises of course. But now you were standing in the office you'd originally sworn you’d never come back to. Thankfully, this time you know what you're getting into. 

The hours before you got here were spent pacing and almost obsessively debating if going back was the best idea. Your mind went back and forth on whether Ballora invited you back out of pure politeness (do robots even feel the need to be polite??) Or if she genuinely wanted you back, if that was the case would the others want you there too? 

With those thoughts weighing you down you gave yourself 5 minutes of wallowing in your own anxieties so if you ultimately chose to stand her up you had the option to run away with your metaphorical tail in between your legs. But now with your time running out, and no convincing reasons to turn back you straightened up your outfit in the smudged, dirty reflection of the window.

You dressed up, meaning a pretty sweater and skirt instead of your more casual clothes. Even if only 2 out of your 3 robotic friends (lovers?) would be able to see you, you wanted to look your best for this second meeting.

Your hands shook as you flattened out the last wrinkle on your sweater, your thoughts racing a mile a minute. You were in actual mortal danger last time you came here, yet here you were more worried about your outfit then hightailing it out of there all because a couple unsettlingly sentient robots made your entire year in one night.

You checked the time on your phone for the umpteenth time, 11:59 stared back. It was now officially too late to take the cowards route, excitement and unease mixed in the pit of your stomach as the reality of your situation dawned on you. 

This was fine, right? You'd be fine?

You squeezed your eyes as tight as you could, hoping your almost debilitating anxiety would quiet down. You conjured up the memories you'd been replaying in your head over and over again. Ballora embracing you in the dimness of her room, holding onto you as if you would disappear if she let up. Foxy's toothy smile as he procured a Funtime Foxy plush to keep you company. Even Freddy's giddy monologue as he absent-mindedly squeezed his arms around you.

They loved- liked you… didn't they? Maybe love was too strong of a word for only one meeting, but you had only met them the same night you decided to sleep with them. Your mind finally slowed down, any self-doubt being filed away for another time.

Love or not, you were going to make good of your promise. You opened your eyes as you took a deep breath, stars dancing across your vision because of your prior eye squeezing. This was your new life now, secret lewd relationships with robots and casual breaking and entering. 

You slipped your phone into your backpack's side pocket, you'd come prepared this time with a blanket, some water, snacks, and your aforementioned funtime Foxy plushie.

With one last check in the mirror to make sure you looked your best, you inched towards Ballora's door, only stopping once you grasped the handle. 

"This is a good idea, a great idea even!" You thought to yourself, blood pressure surely sky rocketing into unsafe levels as you slowly opened the door. Serene, classical music filled your ears and immediately put you at ease. You walked a couple more steps, eyes feverishly scanning for Ballora but her voice found you first,

"Y/N?" Her voice was an uncharacteristic whisper,"Is that you?" She had one foot on her stage, seemingly in the middle of getting on.

"Yes! Uh- I mean yes?" You awkwardly responded, an unintended shrill tone escaping you. Minireenas hurriedly teetered away in their ever cute fashion, thankfully taking your mind off of you already botching your greeting.

"S-Sorry I'm a little late I was-" An explanation was on the tip of your tongue, but Ballora's sudden rush towards you momentarily threw you off. In an honestly disturbing display of speed she made her way to your side, immediately scooping you up into the air with her arms under your armpits. A disgruntled squeak left your lips as she spun you around once, then twice, before hugging you close to her chest as laughter spilled from her lips.

"I-I-I thought you weren't coming! I was so worried that you'd leave us behind. That'd you f-forget about us!" Relief was all but palpable in her tone, clearly beyond herself with excitement, "B-But you're here! You're really here! My dearest y/n…" 

Affection was oozing off of every word she spoke, such raw emotion cutting right through you. Your heart warmed with her caring sentiment but her tight bear hug was firmer than you'd like, constricting you to the point that you could barely breathe. 

"Ballor-a? I can't- really breathe-" You felt bad not openly reassuring her, but you felt like she'd appreciate it if you didn't pass out on her. She let out a surprised noise, quickly releasing her grip and setting you on the ground. 

"Ah! I apologize, I didn't mean to get so emotional" Ballora murmured, wiping her hands on her cloth skirt in an antsy motion. Her posture quickly turned dejected, faceplates shifting and face souring in tandem. A dull ache remained at your sides but you quickly ignored it,

"No! No please don't apologize, that was just a little too tight" You gazed worriedly at her closed eyes, arms moving to hug her waist,"I would never forget you Ballora, I'm sorry I made you feel like that" For the first time in your life you cursed the gods for not making you an optimal height for kissing animatronics, even on your tippy toes you barely even hit her chin. 

A thankful smile pulled at her lips, you reached a hand up in an unusual show of confidence and gently guided her down to your level. You hesitantly slid your lips against hers, feeling the firm, cool metal against your softer human ones. Ballora's mouth was seemingly only specialized for mimicking realistic speaking, meaning that unfortunately for the both of you, fluid kissing was not possible.

Even then just the firm press of your lips to hers was enough to convey every reassurance you wanted to. You pulled away to gauge her reaction and make sure you hadn't overstepped. It seemed like quite the opposite was true, as Ballora smiled down with a giddy expression.

"Well aren't you a romantic honey? Thank you" You weren't quite sure if she was thanking you for the kiss or for the kind words you reciprocated, your mind too busy gazing at her teeth. Now that you were up close and personal you could see her seemingly human-in-shape teeth taper at the ends just enough to be noticeably sharp. A small shiver ripped through you at the thought of what those teeth could do, 

"I would love to kiss you some more, hun but I do have to give you something" Ballora said, changing the subject and disentangling the two of you so she could twirl her way to her stage. You trailed behind, already needy and missing her warmth but still eagerly watching her blindly grope behind the drawn curtains beside her stage.

"Foxy helped me get this from the workers today, figured you'd might be interested sweetheart" She procures a piece of paper from its hiding spot, eagerly handing it to you in order to hear your reaction. The front read "Circus Baby's Pizza World" with a smaller "Help Wanted" just under it. Cutely drawn representations of the animatronics littered the page, pointing at the long list of jobs. 

The starting pay of each job was an almost eye popping large amount, the lowest paying job paying more than double your current job. The icing on the cake was the sentence at the bottom "No Prior Job Experience Needed", a smile grazed your face as soon as you read the words.

"I assure you I'm not attempting to indoctrinate you," Ballora joked, "After this week, there's a good chance that they will be putting keycard locks for the nightshift, the easiest way for us to bypass this would be for you to be employed here! But if that's not favorable we could figure something else out dear, no worries''

"This is perfect! I'd love to work with you guys, I'm not sure if they'd actually hire me but I can try!" You said, excitement emanating from you.

"The whispers from the staff assure me that management is, quote, 'floundering for new hires' so while I may not be privy to the details, I can imagine someone as wonderful as you will be picked up in no time" Her hand found its way to your lower back, dangerously close to your butt (not that you minded). The reassuring pressure left your skin pleasantly buzzing, you busied yourself by flipping to the paper around.

A basic job application form with almost laughably low quality confetti in the background stared back at you, it couldn't be that easy right? A job this high tech wouldn't just have you fill out a form, there had to be a catch. 

You bit your lip, what if they just didn't choose you? Your meager associates degree didn't even earn you anything above a grueling low paying office job, how the hell were you supposed to convince them to let you deal with such sophisticated animatronics?

You shouldn't have come back, you should have known that. Even if your intuition always tried to psych you out of everything you did, no matter how big or small, you knew better than to get your hopes up for something as good as the prospect of finally connecting with someone.

A small taste of copper exploded in your mouth, a direct result of your teeth overworking your lip. Despite the pain, you dig them in further as you try to think of anything to say.

"I'm sure you'll make the right decision" Ballora said unprompted, "I must say I've missed your voice, might we sit down and talk? How's that sound?" Without any eyesight she must have taken your silence as a cue to move on with the night. You were grateful for her stellar social skills, since they effectively pulled you out of your circling thoughts. You unlodged your teeth from your bloody lip,

"I'd love to, just- uh let me put my paper in my bag real quick" Your voice quivered a bit, as your anxieties still whispered in the back of your mind. Ballora either didn't notice your slight breakdown, or chose not to comment on it (both of which you were thankful for). She took a graceful step back, retracting her reassuring touch but allowing you space to get situated.

"I'm allowed to make decisions without thinking of every what if" You reminded yourself, kneeling down to delicately stuff the paper in your bag. 

You really did almost not come back, your mind rationalizing the fact that what you were dealing with down here was completely and utterly out of your control. Yet your body ignored any and all rationalizing, waking you up in the middle of the night in a puddle of your own arousal at the fuzzy memory of cold metallic fingers dancing along your body.

You zipped your backpack up, noisily announcing that your task was done in order to notify Ballora, who in turn made a small nod in your direction. You could see the semblance of a smile grace her face as she turned to the nearest wall. You pushed your backpack so it leaned against the nearby stage, quickly clamoring onto your feet to follow her.

"Whatever happens will happen" At least you were wanted here (which really couldn't be said for anywhere else you went sadly). But hell if you weren't going to make the most from it. You watched eagerly as Ballora carefully maneuvered herself into sitting against the wall, metal screeching as she finally hit the floor.

"I'm… not so graceful when it comes to sitting. Us animatronics really were only made to stand" Ballora joked, a refined giggle lacing her words. She seemed a bit bashful at her lack of elegance but continued on anyway, patting her lap invitingly. 

"I think you're always graceful Ballora" You answered, sweetening up your tone to an artificial level. You carefully lifted one of your legs over her stretched out ones, and carefully lowered yourself into her lap. 

"I'm glad you think so, but be careful darling, all that flattering you're doing might get you more than what you bargained for" Ballora wasted no time, as soon as you completely sat your weight on her she let her hands roam free. Her long, segmented fingers found their way to your face.

Closing your eyes, you obediently stayed still while you let Ballora trace her finger tips over your features. She took in all the information she could, the height of your cheekbones, the roundness of your closed eyelids, the slope of your nose, only slowing when she pressed a thumb against your lips.

"You're quite beautiful y/n," Ballora murmured, "Times like these really make me jealous of the others, I bet you make such cute faces while we defile you" Your face broke out in a blush, response getting caught in your throat as she gingerly pressed her thumb past your lips. Almost on instinct, your tongue flicked up to meet it. You weren't sure if you were disappointed or relieved that you couldn't taste anything, but at the very least the cold metal was a pleasing sensation against your tongue.

"Good girl~" The praise spilled from Balloras lips with a playful lilt, your tongue stopping its minute kitten licks as a whine unwittingly pushed its way out of your chest. Your eyes snapped open, embarrassment flooding your system at your involuntary reaction. Ballora, ever unphased by anything, has a pleased smile on her face.

"Now that's the reaction I was hoping for darling" she cooed, free hand wandering down the column of your throat. You had half a mind to pull back from the overwhelming mix of touch but in a swift purposeful move her other hand had made it down to your hip, stalling your squirming. You hadn't even noticed you were moving until she stopped you, your mind running a mile a minute and not getting a break as Ballora pressed your tongue down firmly.

"If you'd like to stop, just tap my wrist, okay?" You did your best to nod around her digit, "Let's keep at this, I think this is going just great" She leaned in to press a firm kiss against your hairline as her thumb got to work lazily petting your tongue until spit bubbled out the sides of your mouth.

Ballora rocked her thigh up just enough to press against your clothed mound, and you immediately knew you were done for. With a thumb in your mouth, an insistent pressure between your legs, and a hand that somehow snuck its way under your sweater any coherent thought was quickly squashed to make room for your growing libido.

"I can see the appeal of being inside someone now, shame only the boys get to" Ballora spoke in a nonchalant tone, cocking her head slightly at the choked noise you made. Only it wasn't just a choked noise, your knee-jerk reaction to the upsettingly hot comment was to inhale which quickly turned into you actually choking on your own spit. You quickly lean backwards, heaving slightly as you almost cough your lungs out.

"Too much?" Ballora asks as her hand not covered in spit pats your back, you take a second to even out your breaths before answering.

"No, just-" You wipe your mouth and let out one more cough, "I was just a little surprised 's all" Your embarrassment only worked to darken the flush on your cheeks, all the coughing didn't gross her out did it? 

"Sorry, sorry" The hand on your back urges you forwards, "What if I make it up to you? Hm? How's that sound princess?" Her cloyingly sweet tone calms your nerves, 

"Yeah, I'd like that…" You whispered quietly, allowing yourself to be coaxed forward. You leaned your weight against her chest, unabashedly nuzzling into her smooth neck. Reveling in the shudder she gave in response to the touch, you wrap your arms around her torso.

"Sweet thing, and here I thought you wanted to take a breather" Balora teased while easing her left hand, still tacky with spit, under your skirt. "And for the record I wasn't joking about wanting to be inside you~" Now that you didn't have a foreign object in your mouth you could successfully give a sharp inhale, no choking involved. 

"Foxy's the only one with custom parts, though with some convincing I could probably get either of them to swap with me" Probing fingers massaged the meat of your thigh, and you have to settle the adrenaline in your veins to form a response.

"Custom… parts?" 

"Oh yes, they didn't build Foxy that pretty on accident" Ballora elaborated, "Though I do admit we did help each other from time to time, we haven't done much experimenting, well, not before you came honey" That certainly got your attention, wiggling in her lap as her fingers finally grazed where you needed them.

"Cute~" the simple comment combined with her free hand effortlessly lifting your hips just enough to where she could press against you drew a needy noise out of you. 

“When you say helping each other you mean…?” You had to ask because she couldn’t possibly be implying what you thought she was, in the back of your mind you were vaguely aware that she had rendered you incapable of speaking more than half a sentence.

“Well, after a certain adorable human snuck her way into our hearts it opened a new…” Her fingers nonchalantly snuck their way into your panties, “world of possibilities for us. We are children’s entertainers at heart, but a night like that after months of inactivity is hard to move past.” Your ears burned with embarrassment, partly relieved that you weren’t the only one that was deeply affected by what transpired. Her chilled fingertips busied themselves by ghosting over your clit before smoothing over your folds,

”But that’s enough about us, tell me y/n, did you miss us too?” Ballora mused, digits now moving in a smooth, languid motion only aided by your slick. 

Of course you missed them, how could you not? You’d replay that night over and over again in your brain almost obsessively, every detail searing itself into your brain. At night when you were just trying to catch a wink of sleep, in the morning while you robotically went through your pre-work routine, in the evening while you drove home. Nearly every moment you were left to your devices was filled with the knowledge that not only did you technically trespass on a newly opening business, but also had two rounds of sex with the performing animatronics while in constant peril. 

The insanity of losing your virginity at a pizzeria chain only squandered by the pure lust that surged through you at the reminder that you in fact lost your virginity, that someone (something? Do animatronics count as people?) in fact wanted to have sex with you. And being wanted was one of the most addicting feelings you’ve ever felt.

”Of course I missed you guys,” You sighed blissfully, “It was -ah- crazy hard to even sleep-“ An incessant nudge against your entrance made your words taper off as more sounds tumbled off your tongue.

“Oh?” Ballora’s tone took a dangerously raspy edge, “Don’t tell me you were touching yourself to the thought of us, naughty girl”

”N-No, it was- just” One of her fingers teasingly threatening to press inside momentarily distracted you, “Dreams..? I’ve never been good at- by myself-“

”By yourself?” She prompted, her fingers stilling being both a blessing and curse.

“Y’know- uh getting myself off? At least wh-en I’m awake” God, you were really telling her about that huh? You guessed that people who were intimate with each other talked about this kind of stuff.

”Hmmmm~” Her pointer finger eased itself halfway inside you, “Poor thing, you must’ve been so pent up huh? Glad we could help you even when we’re apart. You said dreams?” Each time she prompted you to talk was surely taking years off of your life, you clenched up uselessly around her unmoving digit.

”Ballora- please just? Move?” You pleaded, thighs tensing as you attempted to shift in any way, only to be reminded of her iron hold on your hips.

”You get pretty spacey when I move, princess. I’m helping you out a little, making it easy. Why don’t you tell me about those dreams?” You let out a peeved puff of air, but obliged.

”It wasn’t anything crazy, just…” You said, trying to find the right words. “You -ngh!- guys kept showing up in my dreams? I’d wake up all- gross and sweaty.” That seemed to be what Ballora was looking for if the way she brought you impossibly closer and nuzzled your temple was anything to go by. Her warm breath puffed around the shell of your ear, making you shiver but quickly still when her lips inched close.

”Your body knows it’s ours.” Sharp teeth gingerly closed around your ear, ever mindful not to maim; just to impose their presence. “You’re wonderful Y/N~ You came back to me like the good girl I knew you were, and now I can bring your dreams into reality. Is there anything in particular you’d like, princess?”

“Anything- Everything? Please?” You didn’t even know what you were trying to say, only desperate to say the right things to get her hands fawning over you again. Your dreams more often than not delved into a too-deep-and-fucked-up territory you would rather not vocalize nor realize.

Ballora’s smooth chuckle calmed any remaining nerves, the muscles in your body singing as her hand got back to work; The finger inside of you effortlessly sliding completely into your welcoming heat while her thumb blindly felt its way up to your clit. While your immediate impulse was to shift, you were stopped by the smallest pinpricks of pain blooming as her teeth bared down,

”Careful dear, I might hurt you if you squirm too much.” Ballora practically purred. You made a vaguely understanding noise, doing your best to quell your nerves and not move. Another correct response got you another one of her fingers, their lazy movement making your head spin.

”Ballora?” Her name left your lips before you could stop it, spoken just between a gasp and whine. The teeth on your ears again dug in just enough to make you jolt before releasing, Ballora smoothed over the warm sting with feather-light kisses.

”Yes, honey?” Now that the threat of having a chunk of your ear be ripped off was less of an immediate concern, your hips eagerly angled so you could manipulate her fingers to hit the bundle of nerves inside of you that they seemed to be avoiding. You earned yourself a couple toe-curling zaps of pleasure until the hand on your hip gave a squeeze in warning.

”Naughty, what were you saying Y/N?” Her tone had just enough edge to make you regulate the overwhelming urge to implore her to move any faster.

”Um- I was thinking I could uh-“ Your voice shook, unused to asking for something so openly. “I could help you? We could finish together?” You leaned back so you could see her reaction clearer, not missing the way her fingers yet again slowed to a halt. Ballora’s faceplates shifted with a noise, a separate audible hiss of warm air escaping from somewhere sounded with it. 

You couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing, eyes still scanning her face as it pinched up with something you couldn’t decipher. Did you mess up the moment? Your hands trembled as you gripped her shoulders, brain already attempting to conjure up an apology for even asking. Of course she didn’t want your inexperienced hands on her, she didn’t offer for a reason and you just had to open your big mouth- A indulging smile spread on her lips, cutting through your small freak out over her perceived rejection.

”You want to make me feel good too princess?” She cooed, bringing her unoccupied hand to cup the back of your head and press a lingering kiss on your lips. “My perfect little girl is so considerate~” Your whole body jolted at the surge of praise, the warm feeling filling your lower belly only fueled by her fingers reanimating at a brutal pace.

”I’m perfectly content with just helping you out right now darling, nothing against you; I usually seldom indulge myself, direct pleasure can be a tad too overwhelming for me usually so if you’d let me feed off of yours this time I’ll keep your offer in mind for the future” Ballora traced warm kisses down your chin with unprecedented speed, leaving your mind reeling at the addicting onslaught of attention. All your inhibitions melted with every curl and pump of her fingers.

“Pretty little thing’s gonna come so quickly~” Your body instinctively curled into her, “Maybe I should drive things out even further…” 

“Please!” Was the only pitiful response you could muster up, already so worked up that you believed her obvious bluff. Ballora soothed your outburst with spindle-like teeth pressed gingerly against the skin of your neck,

”Ok~ You’re awfully needy Y/N~” She said. You gasped as she quickly withdrew her fingers from you, 

“I really would like more time for the two of us~ I should just tie you up and keep you in here with me, then I wouldn’t have to share” A protest died on your lips as three digits were practically shoved back into you.

”But that would be greedy of me unfortunately, I’ll just have to settle for giving you the best orgasms out of the group” Her casual, sincere way of talking lulled you into a warm sea of pleasure. She rendered you into a human puddle in her hold as you surrendered to her syrupy sweet words of affirmation.

Muscles aching from the way you wildly tensed up as she abused your sweet spot, head swimming as you felt overwhelming pressure curl in your gut every time her thumb worked at your clit; And even her teeth did their show of digging in just enough to make your skin crawl, was more than enough for Ballora to make good of her promise of making you have a world-resetting orgasm. You took big heaving breaths to try to keep yourself from becoming any more boneless, resting your entire weight on Ballora as tremors overtook your body.

You barely registered her words of vague praise, more focused on the way she slowly extracted her hand from inside your underwear- and by proxy yourself. Her now free hands had free reign to lovingly pet along your thighs,

“I’m guessing that was good?” She murmured kindly. 

“Mmmm” 

“I’ll take that as a yes” Her warm laugh washed over you, pleasant and somewhat tinny as it always was. Your arms wrapped around her neck again, a welcomed feeling of calm making you giddy enough to press appreciative kisses on whatever metal-plastic-skin-stuff of hers you could reach.

”Foxy and Freddy should be expecting us soon.” 

“Can we relax for a bit?” You asked, not feeling up to moving any time soon.

”Of course, darling~ Any more time I get to keep you to myself is time I will never take for granted. I never was good at sharing”

[lucyflawless]

So, wow. My week got even more insane. So I'm venting about it here. Now, I've had a couple days to process.

Sorry to anyone who messaged that I haven't replied to yet. I've just not had the time or spoons. I really appreciate you taking the time to message, though. It really does mean so much.

On Monday my mum disappeared. Her phone turned off. From the hours of 2pm to midnight. She must've turned her phone on briefly around 6pm, as we managed to get tracking details. She was literally in the middle of nowhere. Up a forested hill in the cold and rain.

I'd called the police before this, and after that ping, we contacted mountain rescue. The police obviously saw this as seriously as we did (which quite honestly came as a pleasant shock) and saw it fit to get both the canine unit and a helicopter out there for the search too.

I live in a pretty small town, so it caused quite the stir. People standing outside their houses to see all the police cars and helicopter. It was honestly insane. I just remember thinking, "I have to wake up." You always see this kind of thing as one of them, someone looking outside the window, wondering what all the fuss is about. But that was My Mum.

I drove as close as I could to where her phone pinged and spent hours and miles walking to and around that area. God knows how many miles, but I can tell you it was an insane amount, mostly all uphill. In the middle of nowhere, on an old dirt track, surrounded by forest, thinking she literally could be anywhere. She was the needle in the haystack. It was also pitch-black, no moon in the sky, with only my phone torch. I informed every police car of the area she was last known to be. Walking actually made it easier. At least it felt like I was doing something. But when the dog unit arrived, I was advised to go home so not to mess with the scent.

Sitting around in that situation is crazy. You can't do anything but think. And your brain instantly goes down the darkest path. You imagine the worst-case scenario. You wait for the worst news of your life, because you can't do anything else. You hope that your brain is wrong. But the hours continue to tick by, and the longer the wait, the more your brain convinces you of the worst.

I was asked to get into the police van to go down to the mountain rescue centre. I had to give them every single detail as to my mum's mental state and inform them of every known route she's taken in the past when walking the dog. She's been just about everywhere in the area. And so I told them all of that. You just do it. You're asked a question, you answer it. You're offered tea, you drink it. You're asked how you're doing, you say, "yeah, as good as can be expected." On complete auto-pilot. Again, though, it was better than sitting at the kitchen table, just waiting. But when they'd gotten all the information they needed, I was sent back home. To just Wait.

Then my mum came home. At about midnight. Somehow, she managed to evade all the police, helicopter, and mountain rescue volunteers. Subsequently, I find out she did that on purpose because being found by one of them would've been "too embarrassing". Suddenly, I see movement out of the back window, and she's back. After 10hrs of total horror, there she is.

She'd gone out with the intention of never coming back. She'd fallen over and lay there in the cold mud for hours. She only came back when she realised all the hubbub was over her, and she couldn't stand the shame of that.

She's so unwell that she went out to die and only came back due to embarrassment.

She then started talking about how nobody cares about her, how she'd be better off dead, that nobody shows her kindness or empathy... I just broke down into sobs. I'd spent all day trying to find her. Now she was here, saying that. How else do you react to that entire situation? To those words?

Even after all this, she obviously didn't admit intent to the police. So, sectioning is still a no-go. The closest she can get an appointment with a counsellor is the 23rd of January. And the private counselling place the police informed her to call still haven't gotten back to us...

It makes you despair. The complete and utter lack of help. She needs help, and there isn't any. Where is the support for someone who overdoses one day and goes missing for 12hrs the next? I understand that they can't section someone who doesn't admit intent. I get that. But even so... the 23rd of January is the closest date she can get for a single counselling session over the damn phone. And that's it.

Again, I think I'm handling all of this as well as can be expected. I am managing. And I will be okay. But worrying everyday when and what the next thing she'll do is... is quite honestly horrific. And despite her being ill, the things she's saying Do hurt. I know she's irrational right now, I know deep down she doesn't mean it, but God. It doesn't make it easier to hear.

Hearing her say that I don't care, that I don't actually love her, that I never prove to her that I do... especially after everything I did to get her home. It fucking hurt.

And it's not like I can take a break. I have to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid again. I have to make sure she calls up all the places the police and crisis team have advised her to. When I went over the next day to do just that, she told me I was bullying her, that I was hounding her. She threw the most hurtful insults at me, things she knew would hurt. And still I had to stand there, and make sure she made those calls.

Man.

What a fucking week.

Sorry for the hideously long wall of text. Honestly, I'm mostly writing this for my own sake. To just get it out. I've actually emailed a couple of counselling places for myself, because I just know I need to talk all of this through. I've come so far, I've gotten better, and I refuse for this to backtrack me.

There is so much more to all of this. There are so many moving parts, things that would turn this wall of text into a novel. It's so much to sort through. And I think speaking it through with someone can only be beneficial, so that's my next step. As for mum, I've just got to stay strong and remember that her words are only those of someone deeply unwell.

If there is a silver lining to be drawn from everything that happened on Monday, it's that I'm a strong, resilient, and caring person. I will power through. I will push my mind and body to extremes to help people I love. I am so much more capable than I think I ever gave myself credit for. I also have an amazing support system of siblings, who, despite not being able to be here in person to help, have been wildly supportive to me throughout all of this. And friends that have been there for me and listened to me talk about all of this, their support and love has been genuinely overwhelming.

Things are really hard. But I have so much to be thankful for. So many people that have given me so much love. And man, I really am lucky to have that.

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 12: TWO SNAKES SAVE MY LIFE

Annabeth was fiddling with the ends of the pages, letting them run through her fingers as she nervously stared at the title. Great, just what she wanted, more of her screw-ups on display, now from Luke's father himself. Gods knew what else about her past mistakes had been shown in Percy's life she hadn't gotten to yet. This was going to go so well!

"So," Alex broke the awkward tension in the room. "We're not even close to being half done with this one, and Percy's already invincible. I say we start placing bets now on how many more times he should have died."

"At least three more, minimum," Jason grinned.

"We have three, do I hear four, where's four?" Alex grinned in delight, still pointing at Jason and doing a fair impression of an auctioneer.

Annabeth sighed, very loudly, and started reading. Knowing Percy hadn't died was only, like, her fifth worst thing about dealing with this considering it made a living ball of anxiety in her snap taught every time it had almost happened.

It didn't help her problem Alex immediately started snickering again at the chapter title. "George and Martha make an epic return apparently."

"I bet Percy doesn't even offer George a rat, again. You're so ungrateful," Thalia mock wagged her finger around.

"I'll make sure I have plenty for you Thals," Percy rolled his eyes.

"Unless it's two other random snakes who just happen to be in the right place at the right time. I think a rat snake would come in handy," Magnus said with the hope the traitor would be revealed already before any more damage was done.

"We haven't even started yet and I'm already one-third of the way on my bet," Jason nodded at Percy, clearly impressed.

"And you're probably lowballing it for the gag," Percy rolled his eyes.

I love New York.

"Wow Percy, I never would have guessed," Thalia gasped, planting her hand against her forehead and falling back in her seat.

"It's not like it crosses your mind every other thought we hear or something," Jason smirked.

"You can both kiss my big apple," Percy rolled his eyes.

You can pop out of the Underworld in Central Park, hail a taxi, head down Fifth Avenue with a giant hellhound loping along behind you, and nobody even looks at you funny.

"I swear your brain is made of Mist," Alex snorted. "That would happen anywhere, they don't see her!"

"I don't mind him like this," Magnus chuckled, "I feel like it'll be really easy to tell if he's ever body swapped someday if he doesn't mention New York and forgets how the Mist works."

"Is that something you're concerned with happening a lot Magnus?" Annabeth asked with interest.

"More than you guys give credit for," he said seriously. He wouldn't put anything past these gods.

Of course, the Mist helped.

Percy stuck his tongue out at these guys, but none of their smiles faded much. He still seemed like a goofball for being surprised by it years later.

People probably couldn't see Mrs. O'Leary, or maybe they thought she was a large, loud, very friendly truck.

"The only garbage truck I'd ever want on my block," Will grinned.

I took the risk of using my mom's cell phone to call Annabeth for the second time.

"You used a cell phone while exiting the Underworld?" Annabeth looked ready to cry at him. It really somehow felt worse hearing he put no thought into tempting the world with his insanity.

The others were more confused why she was surprised at this point anybody else would be his call.

"And you didn't pick up," Percy told her with a tragic expression. "What were you doing that was so important? Prepping another war council or something?"

"It was on the charger," she scowled rather than admit she hadn't checked it for nearly an hour because she'd been running all over camp trying to figure out where he'd vanished to when she'd come knocking on his door for exactly this reason and he hadn't been there!

The amount of minutes she'd spent at camp wondering where he was had probably worn out the string on her life by decades.

I'd called her once from the tunnel but only reached her voice mail. I'd gotten surprisingly good reception, seeing as I was at the mythological center of the world and all, but I didn't want to see what my mom's roaming charges were going to be.

"With any luck and hoping you'd call, she probably has unlimited data?" Magnus said with only some idea what he was talking about, homeless shelters occasionally handing out phones. He usually just traded his away for food, but he might keep the next one if Annabeth asked if he had a number.

"Either way, she won't care when she finds out why you were calling from the center of the Earth," Will agreed.

This time, Annabeth picked up.

She'd only just heard his first message when he did call the second time, and there had been a horrible split second where her mind swiveled to it being Sally and having to explain she didn't know where Percy was before she snapped open the phone fast enough to break it in relief. She patted her empty pocket miserably now.

The only thing getting her through the past week was her daily phone call with Percy's mom, neither of them having an update, but the same hopeless hope in both their voices promising the other he was still alive somewhere out there. Now Annabeth couldn't pick up her phone still resting on the charger again to promise her it was true.

"Hey," I said. "You get my message?"

"Percy, where have you been? Your message said almost nothing! We've been worried sick!"

Annabeth read that with a little to much oomph in her voice. Like she wasn't just reading that, or saying it from memory. A large part of her still felt that, and Percy leaned forward automatically. He wanted to put his hand on hers like she had for him, hold her close.

She was radiating unapproachable. He'd pissed her off one to many times in his recent memories and now with Luke's dad on the horizon she clearly wanted nothing to do with him.

He sighed and slouched in his beanbag all the same, shifting his weight to be as close to her as he could without being 'in her space.'

It seemed to do the trick. Her voice relaxed a notch as she kept going.

"I'll fill you in later," I said, though how I was going to do that I had no idea.

"Hopefully you start with the part where you ran into Nico and then go in chronological order?" Magnus frowned in confusion.

"I get the feeling if Percy tried to give Percy back his own memories it wouldn't be half as coherent as these are," Alex snickered.

Percy couldn't even deny it.

"Where are you?"

"We're on our way like you asked, almost to the Queens—Midtown Tunnel. But, Percy, what are you planning? We've left the camp virtually undefended, and there's no way the gods—"

Jason's head hurt. The kind of splitting, aching feeling that made him wonder if he'd crash landed without a helmet recently.

His vision kept wanting to double up, overlay proper war efforts, a whole group of people dividing duties. A girl with dark hair and a purple cloak at his side- his vision was blurring with tears and pain he quickly swiped away. They'd seen. He knew for a fact his ragged breath hadn't gone unnoticed.

Thalia was studying him with heartbreak in her eyes. It had never occurred to her to ask what the Roman kids had been up to all this time. Their camp was right under the base of Mount Tam. Did their Greek Titans attack them? Or would they have been safe in some cosmic ignorance?

Judging by the fact that he was here, that Oceanus could even pull him in here, Thalia suspected otherwise. She was sort of hoping, and just as afraid to hear of what he'd been up to during this time.

Both of them stared longingly at the other pile of books, a deep feeling of want to know how the parallel battle had gone.

Patience. Jason grit his teeth and pushed his problems aside, a feeling he managed with clear cut precision that should have worried him some other time. Percy was nearly caught up, no way would he interrupt with his little problem.

"Trust me," I said. "I'll see you there."

I hung up.

Annabeth could practically still hear Malcoml asking her if he'd told what the plan was and she'd had no good answer for him. He was so frustrating she'd nearly thrown her phone out the window.

My hands were trembling. I wasn't sure if it was a leftover reaction from my dip in the Styx, or anticipation of what I was about to do. If this didn't work, being invulnerable wasn't going to save me from getting blasted to bits.

"Percy, what do you do?" Jason tried to ask while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Sounds like an average Wednesday for him to be honest, don't know what's got your panties in a twist," Alex snorted.

It was late afternoon when the taxi dropped me at the Empire State Building. Mrs. O'Leary bounded up and down Fifth Avenue, licking cabs and sniffing hot dog carts. Nobody seemed to notice her, although people did swerve away and look confused when she came close.

I whistled for her to heel as three white vans pulled up to the curb. They said Delphi Strawberry Service, which was the cover name for Camp Half-Blood. I'd never seen all three vans in the same place at once, though I knew they shuttled our fresh produce into the city.

The first van was driven by Argus, our many-eyed security chief.

"I'm curious if you've just stopped bothering to try and count his eyes or you finally believed your brain when they said they move and regrow," Thalia grinned.

"Little of both," Percy admitted, squinting suspiciously at nothing in here as his mind was still convinced a new eye had either grown between his nose and lips, or it had moved from his cheek.

The other two were driven by harpies, who are basically demonic human/chicken hybrids with bad attitudes. We used the harpies mostly for cleaning the camp, but they did pretty well in midtown traffic too.

"I will not be able to unsee every New York driver as a human/chicken hybrid now," Magnus sighed. "How did you even get those guys there?"

"Just like every other monster, they showed up, but we manage a symbiotic relationship," Annabeth shrugged. "We get lucky all they want is the trash scraps. Chiron said the Criocentaur that he paid before kept stealing all the kid's clothes and it just wasn't working out."

Magnus felt like his brain was rebooting with an outdated modem as he debated whether to ask what the heck that was before Annabeth took the option away and kept reading.

The doors slid open. A bunch of campers climbed out, some of them looking a little green from the long drive.

Will chuckled, he'd almost felt nostalgic being back on a bus. Katie had gotten a sing-a-long going, it had sent him back to some of the best times being in that old van with his mom as he passed out cold water and advised some of those more woozy it helped to focus on a singular spot inside.

I was glad so many had come: Pollux, Silena Beauregard, the Stoll brothers, Michael Yew, Jake Mason, Katie Gardner, and Annabeth, along with most of their siblings. Chiron came out of the van last. His horse half was compacted into his magic wheelchair, so he used the handicap lift. The Ares cabin wasn't here, but I tried not to get too angry about that. Clarisse was a stubborn idiot. End of story.

Hopefully not the very end, Jason tried not to shiver as Annabeth's words sat haunted in him. For all Percy knew, this was going to be the main battle and Kronos would still send forces to destroy the camp while they were all there, and they'd come back to see their home salvageable, with the Ares cabin obliterated.

I did a head count: forty campers in all.

That number didn't sit any better in Jason's mind. He'd always known in theory there was something fundamentally different about this place he'd never understand, never be able to comparatively wrap his brain around. Forty? Only forty warriors in total? That wasn't even a portion of- his brain slammed a metal gate shut on wherever that thought was leading, leaving him unsettled more with every word that progressed.

Not many to fight a war, but it was still the largest group of half-bloods I'd ever seen gathered in one place outside camp. Everyone looked nervous, and I understood why. We were probably sending out so much demigod aura that every monster in the northeastern United States knew we were here.

"Yeah, but, they were already on their way for this big showdown," Alex said unperturbed. Magnus genuinely wondered what it would take to make him perturbed.

As I looked at their faces—all these campers I'd known for so many summers—a nagging voice whispered in my mind: One of them is a spy.

Percy bit back a groan of pain. His brain was a tilt-o-whirl of all their faces flashing through his mind making him more sick than any New York driver could manage. The worst part was, he didn't even want to know the answer.

But I couldn't dwell on that. They were my friends. I needed them.

Then I remembered Kronos's evil smile. You can't count on friends. They will always let you down.

Annabeth came up to me.

Percy chuckled deep in his chest, that she always managed the best timing, that she seemed like an exception to every bad thing in his life. His eyes flickered to Will, who still had his arm casually around Nico. Less like he was holding him in place these days and much more like they were just chilling. His guilty thoughts then flickered to Annabeth and his traitorous arm and how that probably wouldn't feel like just a casual thing.

She was dressed in black camouflage with her Celestial bronze knife strapped to her arm and her laptop bag slung over her shoulder—ready for stabbing or surfing the Internet, whichever came first.

"I have faith she can do both at the same time," Alex nodded with confidence.

"Only after I'm interrupted the third time," she said with a wicked grin of a little to much seriousness.

She frowned. "What is it?"

"What's what?" I asked.

"You're looking at me funny."

"Hate to break it to you cuz," Magnus grinned, "but that's how he's always looked at you from day one." One of the first expressions he'd come to recognize on a stranger's face was Percy just kind of staring into space when Annabeth entered his mind.

Annabeth blushed and cleared her throat hard before continuing.

I realized I was thinking about my strange vision of Annabeth pulling me out of the Styx River. "It's, uh, nothing." I turned to the rest of the group.

Annabeth resisted the urge to smack him with the book. He called her being his lifeline nothing?! Gods, if he had told her that she would have melted to a puddle and needed to borrow crutches for the rest of this fight!

Okay, so maybe it was a good thing he hadn't told her, but she still wanted to smack him anyways.

"Thanks for coming, everybody. Chiron, after you."

My old mentor shook his head.

There was a dull sense of sadness in Percy as he realized none of them were going to laugh at his use of the word old there like they had in the past. The truth was, Chiron was his only mentor, and his age was as legendary as some of the heroes he'd taught. It made the impact of this moment feel greater when his friends really couldn't crack a remark at him.

"I came to wish you luck, my boy. But I make it a point never to visit Olympus unless I am summoned."

"Is there a story there, or?" Magnus asked with the kind of familiar dread of not being sure if he wanted an answer.

"No, he's just very respectful like that," Thalia sounded as baffled as Magnus so often did though at clearly not understanding this concept one bit.

"But you're our leader."

He smiled. "I am your trainer, your teacher. That is not the same as being your leader. I will go gather what allies I can. It may not be too late to convince my brother centaurs to help. Meanwhile, you called the campers here, Percy. You are the leader."

I wanted to protest, but everybody was looking at me expectantly, even Annabeth.

"Are these guys nuts?" Percy asked far to late after already being inducted.

"No," Annabeth said simply with a smile.

Percy looked from her to the book and back several times dubiously. Chiron, Annabeth, Beckendorf, heck Thalia had more a claim to a leaderly role than he'd ever thought of.

Again he waited for someone to laugh, Alex or Thalia being a top contender for never failing to make sure he had humble pie shoved in his face when he needed it.

Neither of them made a peep.

All he'd been in here, heck, all he'd been his entire life was a destructive, impulsive, decent fighter. He'd never asked for people to put their lives in his hands.

He took a breath and told himself this was his Iliad. He hadn't asked for this by having Posideon for his dad, but it was as much a part of his path as bestowing the prophecy upon himself as well as this curse.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, like I told Annabeth on the phone, something bad is going to happen by tonight. Some kind of trap. We've got to get an audience with Zeus and convince him to defend the city. Remember, we can't take no for an answer."

Magnus tried hard not to wince at the idea Zeus was just going to blink and blast them all to bits for Percy's latest impertinence now rubbing off on the rest of the kids at Camp. The lightning god didn't seem like the kind who would take being told what to do lightly.

I asked Argus to watch Mrs. O'Leary, which neither of them looked happy about.

"I can't imagine why, we already know from Peleus he hands out the good treats," Percy said with regret.

"She just didn't want to leave you Percy, she's been enjoying your bonding," Alex said like the expert on dogs she clearly proclaimed herself to be.

Chiron shook my hand. "You'll do well, Percy. Just remember your strengths and beware your weaknesses."

It sounded eerily close to what Achilles had told me. Then I remembered Chiron had taught Achilles.

"Did I read a myth once right, that Hercules accidentally killed Chiron?"* Jason asked as he rubbed the side of his head. What a horrible time for that odd memory to resurface, but he had a feeling it tied into all this somehow.

"Almost, but Zeus told him how to heal the wound," Annabeth nodded with a sad smile. "It's how the idea of Camp actually came about, he needed a safe place to rest from his injury and Heracles helped find the place that felt sacred and safe enough."

"Cool," Percy and Jason chorused in surprise.

That didn't exactly reassure me, but I nodded and tried to give him a confident smile.

"Let's go," I told the campers.

A security guard was sitting behind the desk in the lobby, reading a big black book with a flower on the cover.

Magnus and Alex once again exchanged grins over a random book appearing that went way beyond and over anyone else's head. Magnus flashed up a sign and then finger-spelled something. Alex nodded slowly in understanding as he got the interpretation.

"You know sign language?" Annabeth said in understanding without taking in a word.

"Um, slightly," he blushed and dropped his hands like he'd been caught, though he looked a little proud too his cousin had sounded impressed. "Hearth's deaf, he's been teaching me."

"I've been wanting to learn another language recently that isn't hard-wired in," Annabeth grinned, still watching his hands fidgeting in his lap like a new book. Percy grinned at the way she said it like a challenge, a new feat for an ADHD kid to learn. It sounded perfect in fact, since they were all so fidgety.

"I wouldn't mind showing you the basics, that I know," Magnus happily nodded, that they might actually have something in common, might actually have a reason to hang out away from this place where they weren't forced into each other's company. Gods, it had been so long since he'd been around family, the idea almost frightened him. Hearth and Blitz had been the closest he'd had for so long, and now he wasn't even sure if they were okay. It was a dizzying kind of relief and guilt and pain all at once.

He glanced up when we all filed in with our weapons and armor clanking. "School group? We're about to close up."

"Oh the deja vu," Magnus chuckled. "I hope another fury doesn't pop in. We've had enough of them."

"You know guys, I think Chiron might have been onto something when he told me those Greek myths would be important in my life," Percy nodded solemnly as he got a chuckle out of everyone, his heart leaping with pride even Annabeth managed a small but genuine laugh as she flashed him a smile before she kept going.

"No," I said. "Six-hundredth floor."

He checked us out. His eyes were pale blue and his head was completely bald. I couldn't tell if he was human or not, but he seemed to notice our weapons, so I guess he wasn't fooled by the Mist.

"I am so fascinated by the implications here!" Jason's blue eyes glinted with their own light when his voice got that high-pitched with excitement. "Do they only hire mortals who can see through the mist? Is he like Paul and just accepts something is going on but doesn't understand what? Is he the god of security?"

Annabeth grinned at his curiosity. "I've asked on the field trips we went on, it's usually the same mortal. Chiron told us that, but Luke told me this legend about how he once darted across traffic to save a kitten and Mr. D granted him with the best pension and clear sight to keep doing his great work of keeping solicitors out."

Percy felt a wavering sense of jealousy as his eyes darted between Jason spluttering how cool that was and what other gifts she knew gods had bestowed, and Annabeth just casually mentioning Luke's name like someone else wasn't wearing his face.

Why had she attacked-kissed him if he was apparently the least interesting person in her life?

Will had gotten roped in now debating with Annabeth if that one super soft blanket everyone kept stealing was a godly gift or an enchanted item from the attic, and Thalia decided to cut in before the last dumb-struck blonde could get over his usual 'I have no clue what's going on' face to join in and this became a whole thing since Alex and Nico were being zero help and just enjoying the show.

"I thought we were all tired and wanting to go to bed?" She groaned. "This is not the kind of three AM conversation I'd stay awake for." They really hadn't even been at this that long, but Nico and Percy were dragging bad and it was only late afternoon at best.

"Only because we don't have any sugar sticks handy," Percy smirked at her. "I can go get some."

Annabeth shook herself and got back on track. "Every time you eat sugar before you go to bed you roll over in your sleep more than a rotisserie chicken."

She kept reading loudly over any lingering looks of why she'd know that.

"There is no six-hundredth floor, kid."

"Is this not the same guy who you showed off that lightning bolt to?" Magnus asked in surprise. "I thought you'd be a pretty memorable guy from that."

"It's been a few years, I've had a growth spurt despite what some people say," he shot Annabeth an aggrieved look who merely grinned. "I guess it's possible some other kids have come and gone through with purple backpacks full of godly items."

Not ones Magnus particularly wanted to meet as he tried not to crawl under his seat at the idea of being forced into this kind of job as a reward. Yeah, it sounded like he'd get to read ninety percent of the time on the clock, but the downside was, well, kids like Percy showing up out of the blue.

He said it like it was a required line he didn't believe.

"I want him to say there's no tooth fairy and easter bunny too," Alex chuckled. "I just want to hear someone say that like they hope it is true."

"I can't even help you with that Alex," Thalia grinned, "I hope they aren't real too, because I just know they'd be monsters I'd have to deal with."

Alex gave a long, exaggerated, forlorn sigh.

"Move along."

I leaned across the desk. "Forty demigods attract an awful lot of monsters. You really want us hanging out in your lobby?"

He thought about that. Then he hit a buzzer and the security gate swung open. "Make it quick."

"Has any visit to Olympus been quick?" Magnus asked. Every time he heard of the place there were councils and parties, neither of which felt like a ten-minute visit.

"The trip back down when Zeus tosses you," Percy said. Hopefully not from personal experience.

"You don't want us going through the metal detectors," I added.

"Um, no," he agreed. "Elevator on the right. I guess you know the way."

Percy chuckled as he ran his fingers over his beaded necklace. This might have only been his second time this way, but yeah, he'd say he had a pretty good idea.

I tossed him a golden drachma and we marched on through.

We decided it would take two trips to get everybody up in the elevator. I went with the first group.

Different elevator music was playing since my last visit—that old disco song "Stayin' Alive." A terrifying image flashed through my mind of Apollo in bell-bottom pants and a slinky silk shirt.

Will groaned and covered his eyes in pain at the idea while Alex of course had to escalate it, "afro, of course, and shag carpet walls, oh, oh, and a disco ball flashing a rainbow of colors!"

"Never, ever, let this one have a video camera. Our life will be over," Jason said in fascination, which Will full-heartedly agreed with.

I was glad when the elevator doors finally dinged open. In front of us, a path of floating stones led through the clouds up to Mount Olympus, hovering six thousand feet over Manhattan.

I'd seen Olympus several times, but it still took my breath away. The mansions glittered gold and white against the sides of the mountain. Gardens bloomed on a hundred terraces. Scented smoke rose from braziers that lined the winding streets. And right at the top of the snow-capped crest rose the main palace of the gods.

Percy thought Annabeth sounded fondly disinterested, like she was reading of an old lego set she'd knocked down herself for her sixth better attempt.

Because she was. She still remembered the first time seeing this place and being just as in awe...and yet mapping in her head how she would have done it different, done it better. Her mother either would have been proud of her thoughts or scorned them and she'd whispered to Luke in fear of this, and he'd smiled and assured her Athena had no reason to punish her when this wasn't the goddess's personal layout.

Now, it was hers. Annabeth had nearly finished her remodeling of Olympus. This was just an old doodle she'd find in an old scrapbook.

It looked as majestic as ever, but something seemed wrong. Then I realized the mountain was silent—no music, no voices, no laughter.

Annabeth studied me. "You look . . . different," she decided.

Nico looked at her strangely. "What are you talking about? He didn't actually look any different when he wasn't slaughtering my dad's army."

Annabeth shrugged, she couldn't have described it to him or anyone. Like someone had weaved an image of Percy together and inlaid it over him from the day before. He had looked identical, he still had that mole on the inside of his right arm, he'd still studied everything around him with those green eyes that always left her guessing what was going to come out of that mouth.

...He'd just been, different. The way he carried himself, making him seem taller. His confidence of accepting the responsibility Chiron had bestowed upon him.

"Where exactly did you go?"

"Down to the Underworld for a bath," Alex oh so helpfully reminded.

"Now where were you when I needed that answer," Annabeth sighed.

Alex laughed he'd probably been sleeping in a dumpster a few states over, which would only be funny to him.

The elevator doors opened again, and the second group of half-bloods joined us.

"Tell you later," I said. "Come on."

Annabeth still took the time to look around at Percy with a really punctual stank eye for leaving her in the dark on this the others had no choice but to laugh at when Percy just gave her an innocent smile back.

We made our way across the sky bridge into the streets of Olympus. The shops were closed. The parks were empty. A couple of Muses sat on a bench strumming flaming lyres, but their hearts didn't seem to be in it. A lone Cyclops swept the street with an uprooted oak tree. A minor godling spotted us from a balcony and ducked inside, closing his shutters.

"So, like," Magnus scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. "When you showed up last time and they were on the brink of war, did these guys all just think that was casual Friday, or, am I missing something?"

"Zeus and Posideon throw those kinds of tantrums to often for them to care," Thalia reminded in exhaustion. "Now their either helping the war efforts or in hiding." Long, long after the fact of when they should have been.

We passed under a big marble archway with statues of Zeus and Hera on either side. Annabeth made a face at the queen of the gods.

"Hate her," she muttered.

A feeling that had only grown worse over time, the manipulative peacock she was. If Annabeth could tie her up over the pit of Tartarus and chuck golden apples at her once a day she would.

Percy was here, she reminded herself with some kind of mental calm, but it was like dropping a pebble into a creek. It barely rippled across the surface before it was rushed away into a storm of problems of who would try to take Percy away next and what all this was a plan for.

"Has she been cursing you or something?" I asked. Last year Annabeth had gotten on Hera's bad side, but Annabeth hadn't really talked about it since.

Percy glanced in concern at her now. The idea bothered him a lot of what all she'd been through out in California, what she'd never told him, or Chiron, or Thalia, or anybody because she was trying to deal with it on her own when he'd known from that first blown up bus they worked better together as a team.

"Just little stuff so far," she said. "Her sacred animal is the cow, right?"

"Right."

"So she sends cows after me."

I tried not to smile. "Cows? In San Francisco?"

"Cows are no joke Percy," Alex told him in a weirdly serious kind of voice. "More people die from cow attacks than practically any predator you can name."

"Well yeah, more people are around them," Jason said fairly. "If we hearded sharks by the thousands and actively tried to breed them with people around at all hours their numbers would be much higher."

"More people are killed by coconuts than sharks, not the best animal to pick," Thalia chuckled.

"How did we get here? How do we go back?" Annabeth sighed, before she kept reading loudly over them.

"Oh, yeah. Usually I don't see them, but the cows leave me little presents all over the place—in our backyard, on the sidewalk, in the school hallways. I have to be careful where I step."

"That sounds more like she was trying to convert you to go country than any real 'you'll regret this' vibe." Magnus wasn't ungrateful an all-powerful goddess hadn't placed some deadly curse on his cousin like Ares had to Percy, but it seemed mild in comparison from what little he'd gleaned of the big Hercules, Hera debacle.

"Well I have had practice with a gun or two if it works out like that," she chuckled at standing in her dad's camel and mock spewing a hail of bullets down on the next row of monsters before rushing off to remind him she wasn't in the car for him to be pulling out.

"Look!" Pollux cried, pointing toward the horizon. "What is that?"

We all froze. Blue lights were streaking across the evening sky toward Olympus like tiny comets.

"Are we throwing a concert right now?" Alex sounded mildly amused and partly concerned. "Did the god of theatrics stick around for morals and make his own audience?"

"When is it ever something so friendly and innocent?" Percy sighed.

They seemed to be coming from all over the city, heading straight toward the mountain. As they got close, they fizzled out. We watched them for several minutes and they didn't seem to do any damage, but still it was strange.

"That was the most ADHD sentence I've yet heard," Will snorted. "We all just stood around and watched the fireflies get zapped in the middle of our very important mission."

"No worse than getting sidetracked to the arch, or a siren song, or- ouch-" Percy yelped more in surprise than pain as Annabeth pinched him when she realized he was only listing her sidetracks.

"Like infrared scopes," Michael Yew muttered. "We're being targeted."

"That was already obvious," Jason tried to say like this was of no real concern. Kronos had never made it a secret this was his plan.

Still, his skin twitched in anticipation at the idea of giving someone who stared down an arrow shaft a scope for better aim and a more high-powered weapon to boot to return fire. This guy was going to make some monster's life hell.

"Let's get to the palace," I said.

No one was guarding the hall of the gods.

Nico had been a little preoccupied back when Percy's first adventure had been recounted, but some part of him back then had been equally fascinated and disturbed at how easily his father's helm had been stolen as well as Zeus's bolt. The gods of myth were so lax, Percy's dream of them more like toddlers arguing over a toy felt more grounded every day.

Which wasn't a worldview he was happy to be shifting into. He worried the next time he didn't kneel before his father because he was to busy trying not to laugh about wondering what Percy would call Persephone's throne. Probably something to do with it being made out of Skittles.

The gold-and-silver doors stood wide open. Our footsteps echoed as we walked into the throne room.

Of course, "room" doesn't really cover it. The place was the size of Madison Square Garden. High above, the blue ceiling glittered with constellations. Twelve giant empty thrones stood in a U around a hearth. In one corner, a house-size globe of water hovered in the air, and inside swam my old friend the Ophiotaurus, half-cow, half-serpent.

"Bessie's back!" Alex cooed in delight. "I hope he's been getting to stretch his legs more than that little bubble!"

"I'm sure he's beach-balled around Olympus plenty," Percy agreed, slightly guilty that he was relieved his old friend wasn't wandering around the ocean getting caught in more nets and bullied by orcas. He might be under supervision up there, but at least he was safe.

...then he grimaced at his own thought. Gods, he sounded like an overprotective parent. Just because he could destroy the world didn't mean he'd ever let his dad ground him out of the ocean. When this was all over, he might have to find a way to liberate Bessie instead and throw him in the lake at Camp. Apparently it was easy enough to bust in and out of this place even when the gods were around.

"Moooo!" he said happily, turning in a circle.

Despite all the serious stuff going on, I had to smile. Two years ago we'd spent a lot of time trying to save the Ophiotaurus from the Titans, and I'd gotten kind of fond of him. He seemed to like me too, even though I'd originally thought he was a girl and named him Bessie.

"That's one of the reasons I decided I did like you Perce," Alex fondly reminded.

"Yeah yeah, my ability to entertain you has been the highlight of my amnesia trip down memory lane," Percy shook his head.

"Hey, man," I said. "They treating you okay?"

"Mooo," Bessie answered.

"I bet they give him lots of sweet grass and remind him of vegetarianism every day," Magnus nodded before they all started snickering, leaving Annabeth to sigh and give a green glare to the quest she'd missed out on the most.

We walked toward the thrones, and a woman's voice said, "Hello again, Percy Jackson. You and your friends are welcome."

Hestia stood by the hearth, poking the flames with a stick. She wore the same kind of simple brown dress as she had before, but she was a grown woman now.

There was no point in questioning why a goddess would make herself appear older in her own home than the girl she'd been when first meeting Percy, but it was still a change that interested Jason a lot. Did she always do this on The Capitoline Hill to make herself appear older, more mature, in line with her siblings?

I bowed. "Lady Hestia."

My friends followed my example.

Annabeth read that strangly to Percy's ears, because she didn't say it like it was any big thing. No laugh in her voice, no hint of agitation it wasn't her in charge, the person who obviously should be. He still found it harder to wrap his head around the idea he had his camps, Annabeth's blind trust, when about this time five years ago he'd been the whispered traitor to at least half of them.

Hestia regarded me with her red glowing eyes. "I see you went through with your plan. You bear the curse of Achilles."

The other campers started muttering among themselves: What did she say? What about Achilles?

"Bear the curse of I kill these monsters," Nico helpfully interpreted with a conspiratorial wink at Percy. "She obviously wasn't giving away you just gave yourself a massive upgrade and a huge weak spot somewhere on you in a room with a possible traitor."

"Thanks man," Percy nodded, "I'm sure that's exactly what they heard."

"You must be careful," Hestia warned me. "You gained much on your journey. But you are still blind to the most important truth. Perhaps a glimpse is in order."

Annabeth nudged me. "Um . . . what is she talking about?"

"You see Annabeth, Achilles was this hero that- okay, ow," Percy broke off in a laugh as she elbowed him.

I stared into Hestia's eyes, and an image rushed into my mind: I saw a dark alley between red brick warehouses. A sign above one of the doors read RICHMOND IRONWORKS.

Annabeth immediately knew what Hestia was about to show him. She really should have seen this coming, with the path the goddess was on to show Luke's trail. It didn't make her happy about it, as was evidenced by her hands tensing tight enough around the book like she was imagining strangling it for a few seconds rather than choking out what came next.

"Annabeth?"

She looked over at Percy watching her in concern. It instantly reminded her it didn't matter if a bunch of strangers heard this. The most important person to her already had.

Two half-bloods crouched in the shadows—a boy about fourteen and a girl about twelve. I realized with a start that the boy was Luke. The girl was Thalia, daughter of Zeus. I was seeing a scene from back in the days when they were on the run, before Grover found them.

Luke carried a bronze knife. Thalia had her spear and shield of terror, Aegis. Luke and Thalia both looked hungry and lean, with wild animal eyes, like they were used to being attacked.

Thalia laughed a noise that didn't sound pleasant in any way. Some days she still woke up in her tent with this memory the last thing her mind lingered on before she jumped into her day. Sometimes it was fondness and made her smile as she went around. Some days it made her so irritable Phoebe would threaten to tie her to a tree.

"Are you sure?" Thalia asked.

Luke nodded. "Something down here. I sense it."

A rumble echoed from the alley, like someone had banged on a sheet of metal. The half-bloods crept forward.

Old crates were stacked on a loading dock. Thalia and Luke approached with their weapons ready. A curtain of corrugated tin quivered as if something were behind it.

Thalia glanced at Luke. He counted silently: One, two, three! He ripped away the tin, and a little girl flew at him with a hammer.

"Whoa!" Luke said.

The girl had tangled blond hair and was wearing flannel pajamas. She couldn't have been more than seven, but she would've brained Luke if he hadn't been so fast.

"Annabeth," Percy said again. She looked around. He was still scrutinizing her intensely. She thought he was going to say something sweet, or profound, or even awful about Luke. "How many monsters did you manage to debrain with that? I wish I knew all these years I could have been calling you Thor."

She laughed, enchanted as always at Percy keeping her so grounded. "It was a strategy worthy of a god, if I do say so myself," she mock blew on her nails and brushed them against her grungy shirt. "See, I lured them in with that noise and caught them off guard thinking they were going to be dealing with something much bigger. I managed to nail two different monsters."

Percy laughed, and the thrill that she seemed to mean half as much to him as he did her still rocked her socks in moments like this. Where Thalia chuckled along on her other side and everything just felt right.

He grabbed her wrist, and the hammer skittered across the cement.

That had been her father's favorite hammer, the one he rarely misplaced because his years of using it had the grip just right. She'd taken it the night before and tried to bash all of those spiders away but only managed to put a hole in the wall her stepmother would have never let her hear the end of.

She hadn't bothered to go looking for it when he put her down moments later.

The little girl fought and kicked. "No more monsters! Go away!"

Percy chuckled and called her a spitfire, but Magnus couldn't manage anything but a painful wince. Gods, his cousin had really been through the kind of crap that made people never bother to think they could turn their life back around. All before he'd even been attacked by wolves two years ago.

"It's okay!" Luke struggled to hold her. "Thalia, put your shield up. You're scaring her."

Thalia tapped Aegis, and it shrank into a silver bracelet. "Hey, it's all right," she said. "We're not going to hurt you. I'm Thalia. This is Luke."

"Monsters!"

"No," Luke promised. "But we know all about monsters. We fight them too."

Slowly, the girl stopped kicking. She studied Luke and Thalia with large intelligent gray eyes.

"Was he still dangling you by your good hammer arm while promising that, cause uh, I have opinions," Jason frowned.

"Like a legitime rename of this chapter could be called hammer time," Alex snickered.

"No, he'd put me down when Thalia put her shield away," Annabeth assured.

Percy still wasn't a fan of the way she was slightly blushing as she thought back on this moment, like a part of her brain was wondering if he'd thought she looked silly while fighting for her life, but it wasn't his memory to really be commenting on to bring it up.

"You're like me?" she said suspiciously.

"Yeah," Luke said. "We're . . . well, it's hard to explain, but we're monster fighters. Where's your family?"

"My family hates me," the girl said. "They don't want me. I ran away."

Annabeth paused and licked her lips and still hated the part of herself that didn't know how to move on from that feeling at a time like this. There were far more important things going on. She knew her dad regretted neglecting her for so long, letting it get this bad, but somehow even now years later while they were trying to put together their relationship, this memory was the first time she rememebred that, oh yeah, she should tell her dad Percy's alive too. The last in the long list of people to share the best news with. And whether that would make him stop what he was doing long enough to hear her anyway.

Looking up in surprise at a noise, she saw Magnus trying to rub his nose and pretend like he'd sneezed.

Gods, her cousin was in here. A part of her family she hadn't thought about in so long he felt more like a memory than Frostine was.

She kept waiting for something that clearly wasn't coming as she smiled awkwardly at him and he did the same back. She glanced at Percy, pretty convinced if Magnus had been in here cussing her out for doing this to his life Percy wouldn't be so casual around the guy.

She just didn't know what else to expect from someone of her family being in here.

"Is it, better now?" Magnus finally broke the awkward silence as he asked. "You, um, you've been staying with him a bit, right?"

"Yeah," she agreed softly. "It's, better." Not great. She sat at the table for family dinners and was included in conversation...just, ones she had little to partake in. She was okay in school, but her brothers were doing great with their consistent methods, so that was sticky. Her dad and step-mom asked her how her day was, but there was a thinly veiled fear as they awaited her answer to know if any monster sightings had been spotted.

She knew what she was wanting, what she kept expecting to happen. The ease she had with Sally and Paul to finally lull her into feeling comfortable there. It hadn't happened yet, but she'd keep trying as long as her dad did.

Thalia and Luke locked eyes. I knew they both related to what she was saying.

"Oh really Percy?" Thalia's voice was acidic with the kind of internal frustration that she was surprised had never made her spontaneously combust. "Is that what you picked up on?" Gods, where was this boy's perception skill when Annabeth was involved?!

Annabeth gave her a sad, understanding little smile, and that just made it worse. She was smiling about this memory because it was the best day of her life, and just like that moment all those years ago, Thalia shoved everything she was feeling aside to make sure she didn't scare Annabeth off. She'd made sure that girl ate before she bothered to take a bite, she'd made sure Annabeth always had Luke to turn to no matter what she needed to get off her chest. She regretted none of it, not even when she'd given up her life for the sibling she'd finally managed to do right by.

It only angered her because looking back on all this, she couldn't even convince herself she'd done the wrong thing by not snatching the kid away and leaving Luke there. It never, ever would have happened. Percy had been right, in one of his more annoying features. There hadn't been anything different she could have done, not to save Annabeth or Luke from what happened.

"What's your name, kiddo?" Thalia asked.

"Annabeth."

Will faux gasped. "I thought we'd been transported into one of my memories!"

"You wish you could swing around a hammer in flannel pj's," Nico snorted.

"Got to keep those hopes and dreams alive somehow," Will chuckled.

Luke smiled. "Nice name. I tell you what, Annabeth—you're pretty fierce. We could use a fighter like you."

Annabeth's eyes widened. "You could?"

"Oh, yeah." Luke turned his knife and offered her the handle. "How'd you like a real monster-slaying weapon? This is Celestial bronze. Works a lot better than a hammer."

Percy hadn't a lot of room in his head from Hestia beaming this memory right into his brain for his own thoughts to get much in, but he felt a great swirl of them like someone had pulled a plug on a tub of water. Gods, she'd always looked so fierce with that knife, and she'd been given it by Luke. Why did that annoy him so much, and yet not surprise him all at once.

The fond smile on her face made any little minor problems he had with it worth everything. He'd do anything just to see her smile, it was worth any cost, including putting on a brave face and getting through this without throwing out insults on Luke.

"What's the first monster you killed with that thing?" Jason asked, holding his coin tight. He knew he was projecting, a longing he could know something like that, but he wanted to know more about her too.

"An amphisbaena,"** Annabeth smiled with pride. "A dragon with a head at each end," she explained to several confused faces. "Thalia and Luke were keeping one head distracted, and I managed to stab her deep enough right in her other brain."

"At seven?" Magnus repeated as he wondered how much therapy cost.

"Probably one of the youngest, biggest kills at camp," she agreed with pride. She still remembered telling her eldest sister at the time when she'd showed up about this and having leadership nearly shoved into her lap by the relieved girl.

Maybe under most circumstances, offering a seven-year-old kid a knife would not be a good idea, but when you're a half-blood, regular rules kind of go out the window.

"I really want to know who you think that PSA is for?" Nico snickered in surprise.

"I want to know how often Percy recreated that 'this is your egg-brain on drugs,' one," Magnus snorted.

"Enough that my mom banned me from using a frying pan for seven months," Percy sighed.

Annabeth gripped the hilt.

"Knives are only for the bravest and quickest fighters," Luke explained. "They don't have the reach or power of a sword, but they're easy to conceal and they can find weak spots in your enemy's armor. It takes a clever warrior to use a knife. I have a feeling you're pretty clever."

He'd instantly clocked her as a child of Athena, Annabeth remembered feeling pride for the first time in her life. Her dad had always described that golden cradle of her arrival as something that had been a distraction he'd never wanted, but when Luke looked at her and seen her mother's eyes he'd made her feel for the first time what her mom was supposed to be capable of.

Annabeth stared at him with adoration. "I am!"

Thalia grinned. "We'd better get going, Annabeth. We have a safe house on the James River. We'll get you some clothes and food."

"You're . . . you're not going to take me back to my family?" she said. "Promise?"

Thalia could have said what came next with Annabeth. They were supposed to be each other's family. They were supposed to protect each other from ever getting left behind again.

Her anger at Luke failing that promise, repeatedly, didn't seem to be shared though, as Annabeth read what happened next gently, like she was still leaning down and vowing the words to herself all those years ago.

She glanced at Percy and knew her little sister had still gotten her family, if not the one she'd been promised. At least it had worked out for her in the long run. It was enough to stop her feeling like the useless part in this she'd played as a tree.

Luke put his hand on her shoulder. "You're part of our family now. And I promise I won't let anything hurt you. I'm not going to fail you like our families did us. Deal?"

"Deal!" Annabeth said happily.

Magnus was happy for her, that she seemed happy now. That the problems she'd had in life all the way up to this moment didn't seem to leave her with lingering regrets because she read that with the kind of smile of someone looking back at their old stuffed animal. She didn't need that security item anymore, but she'd never replace the ice cream stains all over it.

"Now, come on," Thalia said. "We can't stay put for long!"

The scene shifted. The three demigods were running through the woods. It must've been several days later, maybe even weeks.

The best weeks of Annabeth's young life, the time that had truly carved out who she really was. She couldn't have cared less about not having a roof over her head or the array of squashed, half eaten, or stolen food. They'd listened to her.

Luke and Thalia had believed her every time she said she saw a monster on the street and either prepared for battle or rushed her away, promising they'd find out what it was at the next stop to know better. The freedom of just being able to talk and laugh, even when they did have to quiet her down when they heard something she didn't because they weren't telling her the monsters weren't real. They'd been telling her to look alive and focus on them.

She loved Camp. She loved Chiron and the campers and that place was her home. But she always still craved this adrenaline rush of speeding off to their next destination and what they'd find along the way.

All of them looked beat up, like they'd seen some battles. Annabeth was wearing new clothes—jeans and an oversize army jacket.

"Just a little farther!" Luke promised. Annabeth stumbled, and he took her hand. Thalia brought up the rear, brandishing her shield like she was driving back whatever pursued them. She was limping on her left leg.

Thalia shifted her weight around, grumbling about that old Teumessian fox. Her tail had been on fire, which probably helped a lot in that whole 'can never be caught' part of her myth. The predator learned something about her that day too though, don't ambush her little sister in their den if you didn't want a shield in the face.

They scrambled to a ridge and looked down the other side at a white Colonial house—May Castellan's place.

"All right," Luke said, breathing hard. "I'll just sneak in and grab some food and medicine. Wait here."

"Luke, are you sure?" Thalia asked. "You swore you'd never come back here. If she catches you—"

"We don't have a choice!" he growled. "They burned our nearest safe house.

"They?" Jason asked in concern. Monsters he knew the trio could deal with, but if some minions of Kronos or something had been after them all the way back then, that was even worse.

"We'd been fleeing from this fox and dog at war with each other. The fox can never be caught, she's called the Teumessian fox, and the dog always catches his prey, he's Laelaps. They're in this eternal struggle now thanks to the gods, and we happened to be caught in the middle of it."

"Aren't those also constellations?" Percy asked. He didn't know why, but he tended to remember stories better when they had stars. Maybe because of Zoe.

"Yeah, Zeus supposedly tried to end the paradox by turning them into Canis Major and Canis Minor, but you know how long that kind of thing lasts in our world," Annabeth said with a proud smile at Percy.

And you've got to treat that leg wound."

"This is your house?" Annabeth said with amazement.

"It was my house," Luke muttered. "Believe me, if it wasn't an emergency—"

"Is your mom really horrible?" Annabeth asked. "Can we see her?"

"No!" Luke snapped.

Annabeth shrank away from him as though his anger surprised her.

It was the first time he'd ever snapped at her, Annabeth frowned. In all that time, he'd never raised his voice at her, only shouting at their enemies.

It was no surprise to her Hestia was showing these memories. This is what had saved the world, Luke had chosen to remember these little moments, their family, his promise.

"I . . . I'm sorry," he said. "Just wait here. I promise everything will be okay. Nothing's going to hurt you. I'll be back—"

A brilliant golden flash illuminated the woods. The demigods winced, and a man's voice boomed: "You should not have come home."

The vision shut off.

"Rude," Alex spluttered like someone had just turned off his favorite program.

"Most things in my life tend to be," Percy nodded without surprise.

"This wasn't your life," Thalia looked around at him in consternation.

"I witnessed it, part of my life now, influxing the rudeness," Percy grinned.

"In-influencing?" Magnus tried to correct.

He was ignored as Annabeth rolled her eyes and called Percy a seaweed brain, which meant Oceanus could have popped back in and it would have fallen on deaf ears.

My knees buckled, but Annabeth grabbed me. "Percy! What happened?"

"Did . . . did you see that?" I asked.

"See what?"

I glanced at Hestia, but the goddess's face was expressionless.

"Gods forbid she show a hint of regret for throwing other people's lives on display," Nico scowled.

"Where do I sign up?" Jason sighed. He wouldn't even complain at this rate if his life was beamed into someone else's head, at least they'd explain it to him.

Nico wanted to assure him he'd get his life back, but he worried it felt like an empty promise. Nico had been trying to get his past life back for years and still only had scraps.

I remembered something she'd told me in the woods: If you are to understand your enemy Luke, you must understand his family. But why had she shown me those scenes?

Percy gulped as Thalia and Annabeth had very similar looks of wishing to smack him. "Okay, got it," Percy tried to save himself from a bruise even the curse couldn't prevent. "I was still stuck on Hermes' voice popping up at the end of that when he wasn't in the rest."

"Gods you and your one track mind," Annabeth sounded so exasperated by him like she'd been dealing with him all her life.

"I still say we should try using different treats to motivate him, maybe the right combination of barbeque and candy will open his mind wider," Thalia clearly brought up an old argument with her.

"I'm worried we'd piss off Zeus by making him even more unstoppable," Annabeth shook her head as if this were a legitimate worry.

While Percy sat between them still frowning and trying to figure out why Hermes had shown up when he did.

"How long was I out?" I muttered.

Annabeth knit her eyebrows. "Percy, you weren't out at all. You just looked at Hestia for like one second and collapsed."

I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I couldn't afford to look weak. Whatever those visions meant, I had to stay focused on our mission.

Percy jolted in surprise as everyone around him in the room sighed. "What?" He demanded, trying to shake off his vision. He'd heard Annabeth continue reading and hadn't heard anything significant.

"Never change Percy," Alex reminded fondly.

"Or Zeus might destroy you," Magnus muttered.

Percy looked blearily at them, then at Annabeth for what he'd missed, but didn't protest as she kept going again.

"Um, Lady Hestia," I said, "we've come on urgent business. We need to see—"

"We know what you need," a man's voice said. I shuddered, because it was the same voice I'd heard in the vision.

"Last time he showed up he gave you a bunch of limited edition stuff and sent you on a monster cruise to get his kid to act right, only half of which worked out as planned," Will winced. He knew nobody had even died from this visit and he still felt a pit of worry at Connor's dad showing back up in Percy's life. At Luke's dad making an appearance at the most inopportune time just like the mail he often delivered. Why did he always seem to remember to send those rare birthday cards days after the event for that extra punch in the gut?

Annabeth found that a strange way to sum up their time in the sea of monsters, but not inaccurate either.

A god shimmered into existence next to Hestia. He looked about twenty-five, with curly salt-andpepper hair and elfish features. He wore a military pilot's flight suit, with tiny bird's wings fluttering on his helmet and his black leather boots. In the crook of his arm was a long staff entwined with two living serpents.

"The saviors of this chapter, spoiler alert," Thalia chuckled.

Percy chuckled for her, but Annabeth sunk lower into her beanbag.

"I will leave you now," Hestia said. She bowed to the aviator and disappeared into smoke. I understood why she was so anxious to go. Hermes, the God of Messengers, did not look happy.

"I guess nothing in his contract says he has to be smiling while delivering in all weather, apocalypse included," Magnus said with a nervous smile.

"The real question is, what's he there to deliver?" Alex said with narrowed eyes. Judging by all appearances, it felt like it was going to be a death threat rather than a letter this time.

"Hello, Percy." His brow furrowed as though he was annoyed with me, and I wondered if he somehow knew about the vision I'd just had.

"Wouldn't surprise me!" Percy threw his hands up in exasperation. "Somewhere out there, the gods are laughing their asses off at me having to get my memories back via them! I can't do anything in my life without hop-scotching from ticking off one to pleasing another!"

He was building up miniature storm clouds over his head the longer his anger of this started to brew, gearing up for a fight like it had been Ares to appear in the room instead.

Annabeth had a feeling she knew why as she slowly lowered one arm back down to his side. The other followed reluctantly as he watched her, trouble in his eyes, but a soothing, confident smile on his face like he was just posturing.

Gods she loved him.

I wanted to ask why he'd been in May Castellan's house that night, and what had happened after he caught Luke.

'Caught,' Thalia winced at Percy's choice of words. Like Luke had done something wrong by going back there. Like his thief-like inherited skills weren't up to par by the god witnessing him sneak in and out.

The worst part was, Percy seemed to have experienced that from Luke's eyes, judging by Hestia's 'gift' to him. So Percy was still channeling how Luke might have taken all that in.

I remembered the first time I'd met Luke at Camp Half-Blood. I'd asked him if he'd ever met his father, and he'd looked at me bitterly and said, Once. But I could tell from Hermes's expression that this was not the time to ask.

"Is now ever a good time with you to ask Percy?" Alex sounded bemused. She couldn't believe Percy had once restrained himself by asking Luke all those years ago, here he was still showing he did have some self-restraint by holding back again against another god when they all knew he was more than capable of blurting out the question.

"Saturdays seem to be the go-to, just to ruin my one day off," Percy sighed.

I bowed awkwardly. "Lord Hermes."

"I feel like you only did that because you bowed to Hestia," Thalia accused. Percy wasn't known for his bowing skills.

"Hence the awkwardly part of that," Percy nodded.

Oh, sure, one of the snakes said in my mind. Don't say hi to us. We're just reptiles.

"Obviously only amphibians should be greeted, they get the most dunked on," Alex nodded seriously.

Considering Percy couldn't name an amphibian off the top of his head, he wasn't up for disagreeing.

George, the other snake scolded. Be polite.

"Hello, George," I said. "Hey, Martha."

"I do love the casualness," Jason chuckled, it still boggled his mind being that chill around a god.

"I'm more surprised Percy didn't bow to the snakes too," Nico smirked.

Did you bring us a rat? George asked.

George, stop it, Martha said. He's busy!

"Am I?" Percy asked blankly, like the appearance of Annabeth's past crossing his mind had wiped out why he was there. Which really wouldn't surprise anyone else.

"Zeus, world saving, Kronos on the way," Will helpfully reminded.

Percy shook himself. "Right yeah."

Too busy for rats? George said. That's just sad.

"Honestly though. Snackage should always be at least in the top five priorities at any given time." Alex grinned.

"Says the person who showed up in here like a talking watermelon, that doesn't surprise me," Percy snorted, not that he disagreed in the slightest.

I decided it was better not to get into it with George.

"You really should take that back Alex," Annabeth chuckled. "Percy clearly does know how to prioritize."

"Above snacking! I can't say I approve," she shook her head with such misery Percy might have chucked a cupcake on the floor.

"Um, Hermes," I said. "We need to talk to Zeus. It's important."

Hermes's eyes were steely cold. "I am his messenger. May I take a message?"

"I feel like his voice message box is always full and he'll get back to you in a thousand years or so," Thalia frowned.

"I got that vibe too," Percy sighed, "as well as the fact that any packages I might send would explode on sight."

Behind me, the other demigods shifted restlessly. This wasn't going as planned. Maybe if I tried to speak with Hermes in private . . .

"So that he can rip your bones out one by one without an audience? Jee Percy, you sure are considerate," Nico frowned. He never liked not knowing why a god was pissed at Percy this time.

"That's me, just the most helpful guy to all parties," Percy sighed.

"You guys," I said. "Why don't you do a sweep of the city? Check the defenses. See who's left in Olympus. Meet Annabeth and me back here in thirty minutes."

"Scavenger hunt on Olympus!" Alex gasped in delight.

"No Alex," Magnus frowned.

"They should at least start by building a moat and drawbridge, setting up spikes with all of Aprhitdie's infinite hairbrushes," Thalia offered.

"Yes, she gets it," Alex cackled. "Use Demeter's cows as quick plows for that, I bet Ares wouldn't even be mad if you used his sacred oak paintings of himself as material."

"We're all going to be cursed when we get out of here," Magnus sighed.

Silena frowned. "But—"

"That's a good idea," Annabeth said. "Connor and Travis, you two lead."

The Stolls seemed to like that—getting handed an important responsibility right in front of their dad.

"Which hopefully deterred them from doing anything to crazy," Nico said without much hope.

"Nothing got shoved down their pants, they stuck to things that would fit in their pockets only," Will said in that unhelpful way of unknown sarcasm.

They usually never led anything except toilet paper raids.

"So this really isn't much of a step up, honestly you guys, you should try giving them something of actual importance," Thalia rolled her eyes.

"Next time I need to save the world I'll ask if they want to go ahead," Percy nodded.

"We're on it!" Travis said. They herded the others out of the throne room, leaving Annabeth and me with Hermes.

"I feel like the title already should have been changed to, Annabeth and Two Snakes Save My Life," Percy frowned.

Annabeth forced a chuckle that sounded like she was choking. Percy had in fact saved her life. His faith it was the opposite warmed her heart as much as she adored him for that.

"My lord," Annabeth said. "Kronos is going to attack New York. You must suspect that. My mother must have foreseen it."

"Your mother's not psychic Annabeth," Magnus said, then frowned and asked hopefully, "right?"

"No more than the other gods," Annabeth sighed. "Foresight of good planning."

"Your mother," Hermes grumbled. He scratched his back with his caduceus, and George and Martha muttered Ow, ow, ow. "Don't get me started on your mother, young lady. She's the reason I'm here at all. Zeus didn't want any of us to leave the front line. But your mother kept pestering him nonstop, 'It's a trap, it's a diversion, blah, blah, blah.' She wanted to come back herself, but Zeus was not going to let his number one strategist leave his side while we're battling Typhon. And so naturally he sent me to talk to you."

"I sense a bit of saltiness like Percy's dad showed up instead," Jason said uneasily.

"I want to know what Ares had to say about Athena being his top strategist," Alex grinned.

Annabeth sighed that they seemed to have missed the big picture where her mother had been right! May Zeus have mercy on them if they could actually hear this or they'd all be obliterated by now.

"But it is a trap!" Annabeth insisted. "Is Zeus blind?"

Thunder rolled through the sky.

"I'd watch the comments, girl," Hermes warned.

"Oh how the turn tables," Percy said with a delighted smile. "I see he's thinking of taking the diplomatic approach with me."

Annabeth gave him a blank look, she felt like that was a dig at her telling Hera to clear off but that didn't feel right.

"Zeus is not blind or deaf. He has not left Olympus completely undefended."

"But there are these blue lights—"

"Yes, yes. I saw them. Some mischief by that insufferable goddess of magic, Hecate, I'd wager, but you may have noticed they aren't doing any damage. Olympus has strong magical wards. Besides, Aeolus, the King of the Winds, has sent his most powerful minions to guard the citadel. No one save the gods can approach Olympus from the air. They would be knocked out of the sky."

"Why can't they just put that around your camp, and, just around Kronos? Keep him stuck in one spot for good this time," Magnus frowned.

"Because that would be to easy," Percy rolled his eyes.

"Because that's the kind of direct interference they actively try to avoid," Thalia scoffed.

"Because it wouldn't hold him indefinitely, no prison ever will," Annabeth frowned at these two being unhelpful to her cousin. Poor Magnus and what all he must have been through down here.

Magnus didn't really like any of their answers though so it was kind of a moot point.

I raised my hand. "Um . . . what about that materializing/teleporting thing you guys do?"

"Excellent question Percy," Alex nodded.

Percy grinned because he so rarely got that reaction. Usually, they just laughed at him.

"That's a form of air travel too, Jackson.

"Ooo, last names, I am in trouble," Percy rolled his eyes with far to much nonchalance for a guy about to die, again.

Very fast, but the wind gods are faster. No, if Kronos wants Olympus, he'll have to march through the entire city with his army and take the elevators! Can you see him doing this?"

"Yes," all eight of them said in varying levels of confidence. He'd gone through so much already, his determination wasn't going to be stopped by a little thing like an elevator. He'd probably do something even more psycho, like take a staircase all the way up there.

Hermes made it sound pretty ridiculous—hordes of monsters going up in the elevator twenty at a time, listening to "Stayin' Alive."

"I mean, it's an apt song for them," Nico said fairly.

"I know at least Bigfoot will stay on beat," Alex nodded along.

Still, I didn't like it.

"Maybe just a few of you could come back," I suggested.

"There's some obvious answers to pick and I'm still not sure what good they'd do," Will shook his head. Posideon might have helped turn the tide on defeating Typhon, but he still believed in the idea that it took the gods and their children's combined power to stop all these threats in their own ways. Any god coming back to offer assistance would have interfered in Their quest, when a minor helping hand along the way was all that they had needed to win.

Hermes shook his head impatiently. "Percy Jackson, you don't understand. Typhon is our greatest enemy."

"I thought that was Kronos."

"Percy Jackson, over here telling the gods who their greatest enemy is," Jason sighed while rubbing his temple.

"He wouldn't be Percy if he wasn't impertinent at least once a year," Will nodded.

The god's eyes glowed. "No, Percy. In the old days, Olympus was almost overthrown by Typhon. He is husband of Echidna—"

"Met her at the Arch," I muttered. "Not nice."

"Percy Jackson, still over here casually interrupting the gods," Nico sighed.

"He wouldn't be Percy if he didn't blah, blah, blah," Thalia chuckled as she waved at Will, who still nodded in agreement.

"Are you guys done now?" Percy sighed.

"I wouldn't count on it," Annabeth gave him a stranger than usual look for asking such a dumb question.

"—and the father of all monsters. We can never forget how close he came to destroying us all; how he humiliated us! We were more powerful back in the old days. Now we can expect no help from Poseidon because he's fighting his own war. Hades sits in his realm and does nothing, and Demeter and Persephone follow his lead. It will take all our remaining power to oppose the storm giant. We can't divide our forces, nor wait until he gets to New York. We have to battle him now. And we're making progress."

"What I just heard was a painful amount of ego," Alex rubbed her ear as if it were bruised all the way down the tube.

"Godly sized, some might say," Percy nodded.

"Progress?" I said. "He nearly destroyed St. Louis."

"Yes," Hermes admitted. "But he destroyed only half of Kentucky. He's slowing down. Losing power."

"Only half you say?" Magnus asked mock brazenly.

"It needed some Kentucky fried reducing I'm sure," Alex snorted.

"You two are not funny," Jason sighed.

"I want to know how you cook chicken without power, isn't that food poisoning?" Percy said much to Jason's further dismay.

I didn't want to argue, but it sounded like Hermes was trying to convince himself.

"Glad it wasn't just us," Magnus nodded in thanks.

In the corner, the Ophiotaurus mooed sadly.

"We too should hold a moment of silence for all the sudden chicken prices that will be going up," Alex had to get one last crack in despite multiple grumbles of protest.

"Please, Hermes," Annabeth said. "You said my mother wanted to come. Did she give you any messages for us?"

"Messages," he muttered. "'It'll be a great job,' they told me. 'Not much work. Lots of worshippers.' Hmph. Nobody cares what I have to say. It's always about other people's messages."

"That was deep," Percy said in surprise, wondering if he should have thanked the mailman once in a while.

"Percy getting to witness some philosophy in person, what a historic day this shall be," Thalia snorted.

Rodents, George mused. I'm in it for the rodents.

Shhh, Martha scolded. We care what Hermes has to say. Don't we, George?

Oh, absolutely. Can we go back to the battle now? I want to do laser mode again. That's fun.

"Wouldn't that, hurt their eyes?" Magnus asked in vague concern for the godly snakes.

"George is clearly speaking Hermes' real thoughts there," Annabeth said with a nervous chuckle she tried to hide, she enjoyed hearing them laugh one last time before the fit hit the shan, as her stepmom would say about her next bumble.

"Eating rodents and all?" Percy asked with doubt.

It easily worked, and what was once a casual smile at the snake's comment easily spiraled up into laughter and Alex asking for more crazy options of what the snakes could shoot out of their eyes. She kept smiling for what she wished was a lifetime but was only a few moments more until it culminated in Nico and Jason trying to have a serious discussion if Zeus would allow different colors of lighting before Thalia threatened to shoot rats into the mouth of the next person who wouldn't can it.

"Quiet, both of you," Hermes grumbled.

The god looked at Annabeth, who was doing her big-pleading-gray-eyes thing.

"Oh he's doomed, nobody can resist that," Percy said with the kind of confidence of saying blue was the best color. The sort of biased statement that he couldn't prove but damn anyone who bothered arguing the point.

"Bah," Hermes said. "Your mother said to warn you that you are on your own. You must hold Manhattan without the help of the gods. As if I didn't know that. Why they pay her to be the wisdom goddess, I'm not sure."

"They pay her?" Magnus asked, clearly wondering how many infinity signs could fit on a check.

"Pay her in compliments," Percy rolled his eyes while Annabeth frowned at the two.

"Anything else?" Annabeth asked.

"She said you should try plan twenty-three. She said you would know what that meant."

Annabeth's face paled. Obviously she knew what it meant, and she didn't like it.

"You don't like direct advice?" Jason looked at her like she was nuts. "From your mom!" Clearly some lingering humbleness of getting any god's advice was kicking itself awake in him, Percy rolled his eyes.

"Not this plan, you'll see," Annabeth made a face. Those statues had helped, but she still saw some of them wreaking havoc in the city months later and it was nearly a weekly chore to send kids out to keep trying to deactivate them all.

This answer wasn't up to scratch for any of them who had heard it far to much and made the exact same face back at her.

"Go on."

"Last thing." Hermes looked at me. "She said to tell Percy: 'Remember the rivers.' And, um, something about staying away from her daughter."

"She's still on that?" Thalia asked mildly, clearly unimpressed.

Percy was blushing to hard to form an answer and Annabeth was smiling smugly how well that worked out to bother.

I'm not sure whose face was redder: Annabeth's or mine.

"I vote Percy's," Will said with a laugh as he watched them now.

"Doesn't count," Percy had a distinct wine in his voice. "She's not, now, and back then, I-" he felt like someone was yanking on his tongue as he kept swallowing a blush that wasn't shared, the traitor!

Annabeth just smiled indulgently at him and kept reading.

"Thank you, Hermes," Annabeth said. "And I . . . I wanted to say . . . I'm sorry about Luke."

As Annabeth had guessed, all previous enjoyment drained out of the room like Annabeth had perfectly installed and then pulled the plug.

The god's expression hardened like he'd turned to marble. "You should've left that subject alone."

"I don't think she's capable of that," Thalia muttered low enough only Percy heard, and he nodded and swallowed a snide comment of his own as his hands twitched. He wanted Annabeth's hand safely in his right now more. He could sense danger coming.

Annabeth stepped back nervously. "Sorry?"

"SORRY doesn't cut it!"

George and Martha curled around the caduceus, which shimmered and changed into something that looked suspiciously like a high-voltage cattle prod.

For some reason that one hadn't made the mention of their previous guesses of preferred weapons, though Alex had come close with the joshing comment of Godzilla sized bug zapper.

"You should've saved him when you had the chance," Hermes growled at Annabeth. "You're the only one who could have."

Percy might have switched into laser beam mode, as much as he hard focused on Annabeth. The water itself grew tense around them, as if holding all the oxygen hostage.

Annabeth didn't seem to notice. She did a terrible job of breezily reading over that as her lip trembled and one of her hands dropped from the book to wring nervously through a few curls of her hair as she kept going.

I tried to step between them. "What are you talking about? Annabeth didn't—"

"Don't defend her, Jackson!"

There were no jokes this time, though Jason bit his tongue down to stop himself from telling Percy that was three times Hermes had used his last name, which felt like a bad omen before this whole new death threat business got started.

Hermes turned the cattle prod toward me. "She knows exactly what I'm talking about."

"Maybe you should blame yourself!" I should've kept my mouth shut,

"I think that's the first time Percy's ever acknowledged that," Will was all about those helpful comments. "Progress."

"Maybe one day when he's got arthritis he'll learn to act on that thought first," Nico rolled his eyes.

"He once admitted to himself he should sow his mouth shut, something I'm still all to happy to help with," Alex reminded.

"I'd be actively considering it under other circumstances," Percy said with a leveled look at the book, no interpretation needed saying he'd rip out any stitches to keep that god's anger off Annabeth.

but all I could think about was turning his attention away from Annabeth. This whole time, he hadn't been angry with me. He'd been angry with her.

"That, is a very new experience for you Percy," Thalia sounded grudgingly impressed and slightly murderous of no one in here. "I don't even blame you not picking up on that."

"Thanks," Percy said with a wayward frown at her, his body wanting to throw him into overdrive and dive in front of Annabeth this second despite the fact she was ignoring the pair and trying to read over them as if this was as normal as his usual occurrences with other gods.

"Maybe if you hadn't abandoned Luke and his mom!"

Hermes raised his cattle prod. He began to grow until he was ten feet tall. I thought, Well, that's it.

"Those are the least most inspiring last words ever," Jason frowned at him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, now that I have some warning I'll write out a novel- oh wait!" Percy dragged his eyes away from Annabeth as he spoke to Jason with a massive eye-roll the ocean should be envious of.

But as he prepared to strike, George and Martha leaned in close and whispered something in his ear.

"Something?" Will yelped in protest. "We don't even get to hear the awe inspiring words that saved one of the greatest heroes of our time with the all mighty wise words of the snakes!"

"Who are you trying to impress?" Percy stared oddly at him.

"I genuinely want to know," he looked actually a little pouty. "Those could have been passed on to generations of impertinent demigods to stop them repeating your steps."

"I've found making your own path is better anyways, I've done better than Hercules repeatedly," Percy shrugged.

Hermes clenched his teeth. He lowered the cattle prod, and it turned back to a staff.

"Percy Jackson," he said, "because you have taken on the curse of Achilles, I must spare you. You are in the hands of the Fates now. But you will never speak to me like that again.

"That's all they said?" Will still looked like someone was dangling a candy bar above his head on a fishhook.

Percy shrugged again. "Don't know what to tell you man, guess if you want the next set of kids to live like me you'll have to push them in the Styx."

Will sighed and bit back a groan because he wasn't really sure how much Percy meant that.

You have no idea how much I have sacrificed, how much—"

His voice broke, and he shrank back to human size. "My son, my greatest pride . . . my poor May . . ."

He sounded so devastated I didn't know what to say. One minute he was ready to vaporize us. Now he looked like he needed a hug.

"The dichotomy of these gods really is, something," Magnus couldn't help but unintentionally mimic Will's exact tone on that word.

"I think it's Percy," Annabeth corrected, her voice only mildly trembling. She was pretty sure she'd never thanked him before for saving her life, but it was par for the course for the pair of them and she'd been in her own world, her own hurt during that. "I certainly didn't want to give him a hug."

She couldn't help her eyes flickering back to the text, wanting to know if Percy had wanted to hug her or yell at her for her part in Luke's life too, even if she did feel guilt for her cousin clearly wanting to chat about this more. Any other day of her life she would have been ecstatic to talk with him about this side of her life, but she needed this more. Percy needed this more.

"Look, Lord Hermes," I said.

"I always love it when you try to up the respect after they decide not to kill you," Alex's tone was a faint hint of sarcasm though showing he didn't really mean that.

"Hopefully they just remember the last thing I did rather than the whole eviscerating part," Percy shrugged.

"I'm sorry, but I need to know. What happened to May? She said something about Luke's fate, and her eyes—"

Hermes glared at me, and my voice faltered. The look on his face wasn't really anger, though. It was pain. Deep, incredible pain.

"Wow," Percy whispered under his thudding heartbeat. He couldn't help his mind instantly going to his dad, if that's the look that had been hiding under the surface when he'd said he was sorry Percy had been born. If, gods forbid, something had happened to his mom and he'd taken up Luke's mantel.

Hermes depicted himself nothing like the lord of the sea, but Percy still saw his power and sadness in the godly weight of those shoulders that all the gods must carry, whether they showed it or not. Hades had in his brief time speaking of Bianca, even Zeus whether he'd admit it or not had looked upon Thalia in their short time together with some mixed-up emotions.

The rule of the gods keeping their distance from their kids felt stupider the longer he watched.

"I will leave you now," he said tightly. "I have a war to fight."

He began to shine. I turned away and made sure Annabeth did the same, because she was still frozen in shock.

Annabeth's voice was still softened. Humbled and chagrined and tired and a million other things Percy couldn't imagine. He wished he could wrap his arms around her now and shield her face into his chest, feel her wide eyes and shaking breath warmer than that supernova of a god vanishing. Her unsteady heartbeat had been a more rocksteady hope even when he had no clue what to do about things with Luke, or even why it all mattered as the guy should be long dead in his own husk.

Good luck, Percy, Martha the snake whispered.

Hermes glowed with the light of a supernova. Then he was gone.

There was no last mentions of Geroge and rats and why Hermes would spare Percy except for some curse that shouldn't have stopped a god tossing him into outer space as a pile of dust. Percy felt an ugly feeling bubbling up in him, never far from his mind when the room got quiet and his memories of his life grew louder than the laughter of his friends. He didn't act on it. He knew he never could. He would not even look at the fork that had made Luke into Kronos's puppet.

He still wished he knew another way out of this anger, and just plain exhaustion of dealing with the godly side of his family.

Annabeth sat at the foot of her mother's throne and cried. I wanted to comfort her, but I wasn't sure how.

"A hug would be nice," she grumbled, more for herself than meaning to say it out loud.

Percy gave her a look all the same, he'd heard of course, as close as they were sitting.

His green eyes watched her, a sadness of confusion and uncertainty she'd never expected to see there that hurt as much as remembering all of her screw ups with Luke all over again.

Why did this keep happening to her? Why was everyone in her life destined to leave her or forget about her, or somehow both!

He shifted his weight around, his arms moved up with a hesitancy like he wanted to hug her now, but she sighed and kept reading. She didn't want him to do it because she'd told him to. His arms dropped back to his side as he slumped in his seat, but she'd swear she heard a sad sigh under his breath like he might regret not acting faster. Gods what she wouldn't give to be in his arms having to relive this.

What she wouldn't give up though was her patience. She'd wait for him to get there without hesitation, again. As long as it took.

"Annabeth," I said, "it's not your fault. I've never seen Hermes act that way. I guess . . . I don't know . . . he probably feels guilty about Luke. He's looking for somebody to blame. I don't know why he lashed out at you. You didn't do anything to deserve that."

"I could give you a pile of evidence this girl murdered someone and you wouldn't believe me," Nico grinned.

"That's called entrapment Nico and it's illegal," Percy said with all the confidence of one who had watched, like, two cop-drama shows. One was even based out of New York.

Annabeth wiped her eyes. She stared at the hearth like it was her own funeral pyre.

"I have a strict promise from my siblings about what my shroud should be and everything," Annabeth managed a dower joke, which Percy smiled at of course, but it was too sad to make her heart flutter like usual. He was just humoring her.

I shifted uneasily. "Um, you didn't, right?"

She didn't answer. Her Celestial bronze knife was strapped to her arm—the same knife I'd seen in Hestia's vision. All these years, I hadn't realized it was a gift from Luke. I'd asked her many times why she preferred to fight with a knife instead of a sword, and she'd never answered me. Now I knew.

"Now you knew why she didn't answer, not the oh so important distinction why she prefers a knife," Jason said with a concerned analyst smile on Annabeth like he hoped he could sweet-talk her into an answer. Percy was a little terrified he could too, so he cleared his throat and she reluctantly stayed on track.

"Percy," she said. "What did you mean about Luke's mother? Did you meet her?"

I nodded reluctantly. "Nico and I visited her. She was a little . . . different." I described May Castellan, and the weird moment when her eyes had started to glow and she talked about her son's fate.

Annabeth frowned. "That doesn't make sense.

"Which part?" Magnus gave her a confused brow. "What happened after Hermes showed up?"

Annabeth didn't answer. She gave him the sad-big-gray-eyes and he caved and instantly nodded back to the book to get her out of this subject he'd brought up.

But why were you visiting—" Her eyes widened. "Hermes said you bear the curse of Achilles. Hestia said the same thing. Did you . . . did you bathe in the River Styx?"

"Don't change the subject."

"Percy! Did you or not?"

"Who's changing the subject now," Alex sighed, completely on Magnus's side even if she couldn't begrudge Annabeth finally getting the option to share this in her own time.

"Me," Annabeth nodded without looking up.

"Um . . . maybe a little."

"Just a couple of toes, maybe his whole leg, hard to say." Nico nodded.

"I'd kill to see that actually, just him having to wield Riptide like an arc of pure destruction while having to be on his hands the whole time," Jason laughed.

"I'd just set a chimpanzee on my opponents at that point," Percy rolled his eyes at the pair.

I told her the story about Hades and Nico, and how I'd defeated an army of the dead. I left out the vision of her pulling me out of the river. I still didn't quite understand that part, and just thinking about it made me embarrassed.

Annabeth did blush faintly at that again, much to Percy's delight, and yet still looked around at him like she wanted to strangle him for not giving that detail. It really was like old times for him where he couldn't figure out anything she'd do next when it came to him, which was kind of refreshing.

She shook her head in disbelief. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?"

"I had no choice," I said. "It's the only way I can stand up to Luke."

"You mean . . . di immortales, of course! That's why Luke didn't die. He went to the Styx and . . . Oh no, Luke. What were you thinking?"

"So now you're worried about Luke again," I grumbled.

She stared at me like I'd just dropped from space. "What?"

"What expression is that exactly?" Thalia asked with mild interest. "I'd like to see your aliens are real face."

She gave a half-hearted scowl to her sister for mocking her right now, feeling very alone in her protective feelings of Luke she'd hope Thalia would give some consideration to instead of Percy mouthing a thanks at her sister.

"Forget it," I muttered. I wondered what Hermes had meant about Annabeth not saving Luke when she'd had the chance. Clearly, she wasn't telling me something. But at the moment I wasn't in the mood to ask. The last thing I wanted to hear about was more of her history with Luke.

"And we are finally at full levels of Percy ignoring the one bit of good advice a goddess has given him lately," Nico said quietly to Will.

"Yeah, but, I wouldn't push her either," Will sighed, and not because Annabeth scared the piss out of him too. She seemed fragile right now, on the ropes with everyone, even her own past. They were taking this at Percy's pace, but her's shouldn't be discounted either.

"The point is he didn't die in the Styx," I said. "Neither did I. Now I have to face him. We have to defend Olympus."

Annabeth was still studying my face, like she was trying to see differences since my swim in the Styx.

"Those old diplomas and dolls don't appear under his skin from time to time do they?" Magnus asked, mostly joking.

"I have my own hopes and dreams to flush away," Percy said for her.

"Mastery of toiletry and all, I have faith he'll get it done," Annabeth grinned, a sight for sore eyes after this monstrosity of a chapter, so Percy couldn't even get mad at her for now adding in to bringing up that horrendous joke repeatedly.

"I guess you're right. My mom mentioned—"

"Plan twenty-three."

She rummaged in her pack and pulled out Daedalus's laptop. The blue Delta symbol glowed on the top when she booted it up. She opened a few files and started to read.

"Here it is," she said. "Gods, we have a lot of work to do."

"And the usual amount of time to do it," Jason sighed. Just once he'd like to hear of Percy and Annabeth having all the time in the world on their hands to get a plan set up. It would make them unbeatable. Even when they did everything on the fly they were wild and unstoppable about it. He'd just like to hear more of their plans in detail before they inevitably went off the rails and went to 'Crazy Plan Time.'

"One of Daedalus's inventions?"

"A lot of inventions . . . dangerous ones. If my mother wants me to use this plan, she must think things are very bad." She looked at me. "What about her message to you: 'Remember the rivers'? What does that mean?"

I shook my head. As usual, I had no clue what the gods were telling me. Which rivers was I supposed to remember? The Styx? The Mississippi?

"Hopefully you're not on the wrong side of that Naide still," Alex offered. "I bet she'd still try and kick your ass if this mess gets anywhere near Texas."

Percy crossed his fingers and nodded in agreement.

Just then the Stoll brothers ran in to the throne room.

"You need to see this," Connor said. "Now."

"I really wonder what they would have done if their dad had still been in there. Invited him along or apologized for interrupting," Thalia said with interest.

"You're all insane for never knocking," Jason frowned. Every party mentioned had a tendency to barge in on gods that would decimate someone without blinking. It was a miracle Mr. D never had to any of them.

The blue lights in the sky had stopped, so at first I didn't understand what the problem was.

"One less visible problem always equals two bigger ones on the horizon," Alex nodded.

"Why can't Godzilla and mothera ever be on our side," Percy huffed.

The other campers had gathered in a small park at the edge of the mountain. They were clustered at the guardrail, looking down at Manhattan. The railing was lined with those tourist binoculars, where you could deposit one golden drachma and see the city. Campers were using every single one.

Magnus squinted in confusion at that. Who were those for? The gods could apparently just be anywhere they wanted, and all the minor gods and other deities running around up there probably didn't have much care to be spying a thousand feet below unless they'd dropped a squirrel from that height just to see where it landed.

I looked down at the city. I could see almost everything from here—the East River and the Hudson River carving the shape of Manhattan,

Percy's skin itched on the back of his neck. He scratched impatiently, feeling as usual his brain was trying to cook him alive for nothing. What the heck did he care about that being mentioned?

the grid of streets, the lights of skyscrapers, the dark stretch of Central Park in the north. Everything looked normal, but something was wrong. I felt it in my bones before I realized what it was.

"I don't . . . hear anything," Annabeth said.

That was the problem.

Even from this height, I should've heard the noise of the city—millions of people bustling around, thousands of cars and machines—the hum of a huge metropolis. You don't think about it when you live in New York, but it's always there. Even in the dead of night, New York is never silent.

But it was now.

"Wow," Alex said with a faint smile only she could manage. One who was suddenly struck with the idea of an actual apocalypse happening, and being curious rather than horrified at the implications of what else was going to come of it.

I felt like my best friend had suddenly dropped dead.

"No, Annabeth was still standing right next to you," Will assured in a honeyed voice.

"You're lucky I don't drop kick you off there when we get back," Percy rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you meant New York," Will gave an exaggerated nod of relief. "Yeah, okay, makes more sense."

"What did they do?" My voice sounded tight and angry. "What did they do to my city?"

I pushed Michael Yew away from the binoculars and took a look.

Will's smile wavered and Percy didn't notice, looking right back at the book with somehow even more murderous intent than he'd even just felt for a god threatening Annabeth. Gods did that hurt more than he'd expected it too. Was that going to be Percy's reaction when the bridge collapsed? Just pushing everyone who had been there aside from his mind and move on to the next fight?

In the streets below, traffic had stopped. Pedestrians were lying on the sidewalks, or curled up in doorways. There was no sign of violence, no wrecks, nothing like that. It was as if all the people in New York had simply decided to stop whatever they were doing and pass out.

"Is there, a city of sleep?" Magnus asked his usual dopey question, Alex couldn't help but grin.

"Not unless Rudyard Kipling's taken over," she reminded, causing Magnus to turn to her with renewed excitement for a book dissection they could both get into guilt-free when Percy's life was done being gutted in front of their eyes.

"Are they dead?" Silena asked in astonishment.

Ice coated my stomach. A line from the prophecy rang in my ears: And see the world in endless sleep.

I remembered Grover's story about meeting the god Morpheus in Central Park. You're lucky I'm saving my energy for the main event.

"Well then," Jason said in a tiny voice. "I guess this is a mildly better interpretation?"

"Now let's work on that reaping of blades just being a nasty paper cut and we'll be gold," Percy tried his hardest not to say with a shiver like ice wasn't creeping up his spine.

"Not dead," I said. "Morpheus has put the entire island of Manhattan to sleep. The invasion has started."

Annabeth somehow managed to say that in the same tone Percy once had, Will noted in admiration. The horror, of not downplaying this sucked with a capital f, and the power behind her voice, of determination that this was the tipping point in the scale. No more games, no more squabbling. This was going to end one way or the other, and it was not going to happen quietly.

"Should we, get to bed?" Thalia asked before she tried to take the book. Nico was still rubbing his eyes a little to often and Percy was still stretching and rubbing his neck, always in need of a nap.

"It's still to early," Percy protested. Gods they weren't even half done with this one and had dealt with more interruptions than any other with it being so late in the day. He'd lived long enough with that prophecy hanging over his head and wanted this over with!

"Yeah-" Nico meant to agree with Percy, but a yawn cut him off.

"We can finish tomorrow," Percy reluctantly corrected. He couldn't be frustrated with anyone but himself here, he knew he couldn't have made it through the rest of this without a nap, but it didn't make his agitation any less. He wanted to be through with this already.

Nobody argued the point with him, and he got up and shuffled out.

Annabeth only hesitated a moment before following.

When they got to the room Percy had been sleeping in, he turned to her without surprise and grinned. She smiled in relief and followed him in, side by side, so they could curl up on the floor again.

This time, she slept through the night.

PJOPJOPJOPJO

*A myth I'm surprised never got brought up in this series, it blew my mind when I found it. The following is my headcanon/interpretation though, when in the story Chiron actually died and became the Cenatur's constellation because it was un-healable Chimera venom on Hercuels' arrow he accidentally shot Chiron with.

** If you know why I referenced an amphisbaena specifically you get a cookie. If you need time to look it up and come back, you get a cookie as well for doing your due diligence.

[mad-scientist-enthusiast]

"The Haunted Flesh Machine"

@plaguedghosts @iwrotesomeofitdown @notjustanyannie

Here is my slam poem. Thank you for the encouragement!

I'd like to preface this by saying it is a poem of my struggles and fears, and this should not be taken as the most mentally healthy or even correct writing.

CW: discussion of disordered eating, slight suicidal ideation, a little bit of internalized ableism

I’m losing my grip on reality. Each hour of the day slips from beneath my fingertips before I can even close my hand. 

My motor functions are so much slower these days. 

I walk through a persistent haze, going through the motions, but I am never present for them. My body acts on autopilot, but the battery is on low. 

I’m smart—I always have been—I’m an engineer for crying out loud—but I don’t think I can access that anymore. My intelligence is locked behind a firewall in my brain. 

Do you know how insane that is? Being unable to use your own mind? 

All my judgments are tinted because the brightness is turned down. I think my brain is in battery-saver mode. 

The fatigue is the worst because I can feel it all throughout my body. No amount of sleep seems to recharge me. I am perpetually tired and confused and dizzy and unaware. 

I’m sure my eating habits don’t help. I’m just putting water in my gas tank. No amount of Fanta Orange and Lucky Charms is going to make up for the entire sections of the food pyramid I am missing. I try to start my brain up, but water isn’t quite nearly as combustible, and I end up with no output. 

I want to be in control. I want my body to work. I don’t want my vision to get darker with every step I take. 

Another day, another near-emergency. My heart beats too fast, my blood pressure falls too low. Sometimes presyncope lasts for longer than it needs to. 

Sometimes I change colors like a chameleon on its deathbed. 

My code is flagging for errors, but I’m running it anyway. 

I think my computer is getting overheated. My face is hot to the touch. 

If this was the Victorian Era, my symptoms would be romanticized. There’s something poetic about wasting away. 

I fear that I’m getting weaker by the week. 

Another day, another new problem. Which diagnosis does it fit under? I’m too tired to make a spreadsheet, not that I could log it if I did. 

What month is it anyway? How many months have I been here? It seems like an eternity when I’m in pain, but time passes too quickly when I’m not. 

I haven’t taken my meds in a while. I’ve given up on them working. Neglect is also a form of control. 

I’m rotting inside. I’m rotting in my bed. I hardly leave my bed, but when was the last time I slept? 

Surely this will have no repercussions. 

I’m smart for a day, so my expectations are high, and as a result, my workload is too. I’m a workaholic on the days I’m present at all. 

That’s who they see when they look at me. They don’t see that I’m sick. They don’t connect the dots on the days I wear a little less makeup than usual. 

They don’t even bother to look. 

I’m fighting for control over my mind and my body, and they are none the wiser. 

If I were underweight, maybe they’d care a little. Maybe they’d treat me with a little more care. It’s easier to tell when something is wrong when you’re underweight. 

I could collapse in the middle of a busy street and no one would even give it a second glance. They might even walk over me, thinking I was part of the sidewalk. 

On the off chance they did see, what a shame it would be, for the one time I'm perceived, I lack bodily autonomy. 

Is it worth being noticed when you're unconscious? Is it worth it if the one time I am seen is when I have no control over whether my mouth is hanging open or my shirt is riding up? I've spent so long meticulously curating the way I look to others, just to be totally helpless when it matters. 

I can change my wallpaper but that doesn't make my phone work any better. And people don't see the wallpaper first, they see the cracks in the screen. 

Sometimes I am conscious but not responsive. I lie like a corpse, observing, but not interacting as they crowd around me. Observing as they look at me. 

They could not provide the help I need. 

They only see me when I'm outside my body—a freakshow display of my vulnerability. 

Maybe if I hit my head next time, I'll reboot. I could use a factory reset. 

I often think of what it would be like to have a better brain. I think mine is haunted. 

Do you have to be dead to be a spirit? 

My head is possessed by a ghost that lurks in my nerves tissue and flesh. I hear it wail whenever I move, mourning a loss I cannot understand. 

A restless spirit leads to a restless night, and each night I can't sleep I blame the ghost. 

I wish sleep could fix me. I'm so tired all the time. 

The ghost must be what powers my perpetual motion machine. Inertia isn’t enough. I keep going and going until eventually I explode. 

I don’t think I’ll make it to my 40’s. 

My body will break itself down until it can digest me, and I’ll eat myself like an ouroboros. 

I don’t want to die, I just want to rest. 

If I sleep for a good year, maybe I’ll feel human again. I would like to feel human again. 

I dream that one day I will collapse, and people will rush me to the hospital. There, the doctors will find out exactly what is wrong with me, and that it can be treated by taking a pill. And then, I get better. 

My face will look a little softer, my eyes a little less heavy. I’ll walk everywhere I go, and I’ll stand up in the mornings. 

Maybe food will be less of a battle when I’m healthy. 

Maybe I’ll burn in the atmosphere before I crash down to earth. 

Right now, my collision course is set toward hospitals, tubes, and wires. I’ll only have to sign away my autonomy when I check-in. 

Is there early prevention for a trojan virus? 

Did I ever have a chance? Fated to keep running on empty until there’s nothing left to run. 

I have no salvation, I am just a machine. 

There is no happy ending for me.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

GHOST SPIDER GHOST SPIDER GHOST SPIDER

The noccoro angst with this reversal is beautiful! GIVE ME PISSED OFF NETEYAM WHO RESENTS JAKE FOR ABANDONING SPIDER

Give me neteyam who is racked with massive amounts of guilt and torment over not rescuing Spider and having to live with the fact that he's dead and only neteyam knows and can only see him....

I think the only person who would believe him would be Kiri, considering how in tune she is with eywa and her surroundings.

Give me Neteyam trying to help put Spider's spirit to rest, but Spider is so far gone that it's impossible to even try, because Spider's spirit is just so broken from everyone turning their backs on him and abandoning him to the sky people and him feeling like he's not good enough to pass on into Eywa's embrace.

"You left me to die!" Spider screamed.

"I-I never wanted to leave you behind! None of us wanted too leave you behind!" Neteyam cries out as tears roll down his cheek.

"LIAR!" Spider screams as the marui shakes violently from Spider's furious rage.

GOD YES THANK U FOR SCREAMING WITH ME ABOUT THIS. HOW DARE YOU WRITE THAT.

(If you guys don't know what we are talking about, it's the ghost of Guilt by @undercoverpan which is like a Spider ghost version of our Neteyam ghost au and we are all literally insane for not thinking of that first).

I know we've all been on our Neteyam hiding his relationship with Spider shit, but I feel like this is the perfect opportunity for him to just say fuck it and just start saying everything and going off on everyone. I KNOW Kiri would believe him, and I think Lo'ak would too, he looks up to Neteyam too much not too. The tragedy that even if he can get through to Spider ghost and they can reconcile and he can prove to Spider that he loves him and that the kids all care and never wanted to leave him, it ultimately doesn't matter. Spider is still dead and Neteyam is still just seeing a ghost.

(If any of you are into The Black Phone and also are into very sad and tragic ghost love stories, feel free to check out Holding On and Letting Go by Nizhoni93, which this fic reminded me of in the hopelessness it made me feel in the ghost of a loved one being right in front of you, but not really there at all. It's so incredibly well written. Little tw for implied rape/non con, but if you know The Black Phone you know).

Fun edit to my draft of this: got distracted rereading that fic, please have a long list of quotes from it that really haunt me and that I feel really fit our ghost love au:

"He curls in on himself, crying quietly. I lay beside him on my side, head lying on my arm, watching him. A heavy blanket of grief covers us both. There’s a block of moonlight coming through the window. It splits us down the middle, me in shadow and Fin bathed in the silvery blue streak peaking through the jarred curtain. It’s almost ironic. That we’re laying on opposing sides now, like it was always inevitable. This frail seam divides us more than I feel. Light and dark. Life and death. Maybe we were just never meant to be in each other’s worlds."

"When he falls asleep again, I want to reach across that fragile line of midnight, that mystical brink between us, and urge the sweaty strands off hair out of his face. I imagine imprinting myself under Fin’s skin, leaving new and warm dreams of us to replace the cold bruising ones the Grabber left behind.

There’s an anchor in my chest that stops me. I’m never gonna’ touch Finney Blake again. Am I?

All we have is whatever this is.

And whatever this is, it’s harder than anyone can ever imagine."

"Sort of struts down the hall sometimes — which admittedly, is kind of cute. Now that I'm dead, I can own that. Finney Blake is cute. It's not like I have anything more to lose in saying so."

"Instead I could have stuck around and spent a lifetime making sure I was protecting Finney Blake from myself and from anyone who could dare to get in his way. Now I'm the reason he's getting in his own way.

He spends hours in day, refusing to forget me. He's sad when he wakes up and he's sad when he goes to bed. When he's not sad, he's angry."

"I like you Finney Blake...only you'll never know it. You'll think I liked older girls with angry philosophies. But I like you, for your sweetness and how clever you are. I like you for being funny and gentle and brave and impossible to give up."

"'I can’t shake him.' Finney mumbles, his words sounding exhausted and hazey, 'He’s still everywhere. He won’t go away.’

'I know kid. He’s still got me too.'

Fin hitches on another cry.

'Robin…'

My heart perks. I need him to never quit saying my name. Even when he’s sad, I want it to be his. Only his.

'…I know you said I could do this, but I can’t. Why’d you have to go?'

I shake my head at him, 'I haven’t left Fin. I'm with you till the world stops spinning if you want me. I ain’t going anywhere.'"

"He squeezes Donna's hand, but I feel the pressure constricting my heart instead. There's no more blood left in me to spare, but if there were it'd be at Fin's discretion to start pumping the life back into my veins where it belongs."

"That hasn't changed Fin. I'll always be around to have yours, I want you to have me right back. I wish I could be the one to help you break down the walls you've built since I died, instead of being the reason those bricks were laid. Donna Thompson is around to help you miss me, but what if I don't want to be missed? I just want to be in your face and hold your face and kiss your face and make you never forget me."

"'I have faith, just not in who you'd expect.'

'Then who?'

He looks up, steadfast, 'The only person that matters,' he answers. 'Robin.'

I smile at him with a misty gaze. You're the only thing I still believe in too Finney Blake. Fuck it, we can worship each other and every inch of the world around us that isn't covered by shadow. I never want to be in the dark again. I don't have to be when I'm around you. We can make our own light and we never have to crossover. We can just stay together, you knowing me and me knowing you...and that's all that has to make any sense.

I'll stick with you Finney Blake. Pray to me. I'll be your best religion."

"I reach up and thumb Finney's face where his jaw his tensing. I'm braver being invisible. Writing my fingertips over his skin. There's no electricity between us. No magic spark under my fingertips. If I give into the temptation and add even a little more pressure, he'll slip through my fingers. I can't tell if he's cold or warm. I can't feel the smooth hollow of his cheek, or have him lean into my touch.

But I can look into those black eyes and know exactly where I belong. There's a little window of light slipping onto the crest of his irises now, unveiling flecks of gold. They look like stars. If Fin is lost, I'll stay lost with him. I'll float my soul forever in the deepest, darkest shade of his universe.

'I couldn't live without you Fin. Dang dude, I had to go and die just so I could follow you forever.'"

"'This isn't normal grieving Robin. Everyone keeps telling me it'll get easier but every minute you're not around, I'm losing my mind! I'm seeing flickers of you in the corner of my eye. I'm hearing echoes of things that aren't there. It's your stupid sarcasm and your sass and your obnoxious fucking laugh—'

'Hey...hey watch it—'

'I miss your laugh,' Finney chuckles sadly, 'you never cared that people looked at you weird for it.'

'Maybe cause I only had eyes for you dork.'

'And then I think I feel things too. Just now, I swear...' He shakes his head at himself, tracing his cheek softly. I watch his brain working, my heart thudding with desperation. You swear what? What Finney!?

'There's no way.'

There is a way Fin. There has to be! We just have to find it."

"Can dead hearts break? If so, I hope this time I'm done for good."

"I try to shake him awake, but my hands go through him. I hover my palms over him, quivering uncontrollably. I yell out to him, 'Fin! Wake up! Wake up! C'mon man!'"

"Sometimes I catch glimmers of hope in his eyes. Hope for me. For us. Those star flecks burst like supernovas only I can see. But I worry; will Fin accept any future without me in it, especially knowing now that I’m back on the table? I don’t want to get his hopes up. Seeing as how, fate’s got an annoying track record for overlooking the sheer epicness of us. What if once all our light explodes; we're just left staring into the dark mouth of a black hole?

I'm not sure I'm good for Fin anymore. Or is it the other way around? This boy is a torture to me. I'm alive when I'm around Fin. He makes me alive. My heart stopped beating a long time ago. My heart is decaying five feet deep in the earth. But Finney wakes my soul. We're so extended; it feels like he's beating one heart for the both of us.

I know I’ll have to let him go one day. I know I’ll have to make him let me go.

Till then, we can keep being hopeless idiots.

I still really wish I could give Fin what he wants though. Get him to see me for as little or as long as we have left."

"'Are you here Robin?' He barely whispers. Anyone else would've missed it. But by now I'm an expert in all sounds Finney Blake, and I can make language out of even his tiniest, most indistinguishable peeps. 'Or did I chase you away?'

I smile softly at him.

'Nothing you say is making me go away Fin.'"

"We can pretend we're in our own little world here. You don't know this, but I'm laying against the door hovering my legs in your lap because the leg room back here really does suck but also because it's an excuse to get closer to you. I'm not complaining.

Finney...I've missed half the movie because I'm watching you instead and I never want to quit being the only one who gets to see you from this angle. The way your smile shines from your soul and the casual grace of your dimples as you reach across the console and keep stealing Gwen's fries. You have mischievous grin and a fry dangling from your lips and I'm realizing you're my latest and greatest revelation.

Jesus. I think I might love you Finney Blake. I think I might maybe...actually...definitely love you."

"I'm losing my marbles trying to hold onto this illusion I've built around Fin and me. Maybe I died too young for this. I'm too small for a feeling so big, but I can't help it. I know how I feel and I feel like I can't live without him. I guess I don't have to though, do I? I've fooled myself into believing that being dead meant nothing had to change. I could sit on the sidelines like I used to for Finney's games, only this time I'd be watching him live for the both of us. It's sad to realize that everything about me since I've died and everything that’s happened since, is really, pathetically, entirely about him. I can't live my own future so I have to steal his."

"I touch him. Not really though.

Fin blinks into a soft, nonplussed expression. My heart leaps in my chest.

He looks at the space beside him, at me?

Not really though.

His eyes scan the empty seat where I should be sitting and a part of me believes he feels something. That he's searching down a path that I've dragged him down again. I feel guilty for taking him away from this moment of reprieve. Why is it so hard not to be selfish with him?"

"I touch him everywhere where he can see me in the window. I run my fingers over his forearm and love the way his veins pucker when he tenses his arm. I crawl my fingers up the sides of his neck to see if it tickles him and I get sad when it doesn't."

"'Why'd you do that? Why'd you go away?'

'What?' I ask wincing, taken aback by that. 'It's not like I meant to Kid.'

'I don't understand what's happening here!' Finny says, spinning on his heals and pacing in the other direction now. He gestures vaguely and frustratingly at thin air.

'I can't go through this again! It's just like what happened before, except now I'm losing you in pieces rather than all at once and...and...do you even know how hard that is? You were there and now you're not and why? Why are you doing this to me?'

My eyes burn with angry and uncomfortable tears. He's getting under my skin, or maybe he always was and I'm just being reminded of that.

'Hey stop it will you! You think this is easy for me either? You think I wouldn't POOF! myself into your fucking lap again if I could?'

'I'm waiting here ghost boy!' Finney shouts at me, or I guess in the general direction of where he thinks I'm standing. He's about three feet off."

"'Robin,' He utters again, 'if you heard any of that, I didn't mean it, okay? This is all so hard. All I want is for this to be real. I want to keep you so badly.'

I step closer to him, suffocating the space between us. Leaving absolutely no room for Jesus.

'Don't I know it,' I whisper back.

I like the way his bangs get tangled, and I lean in and nuzzle my temple against them. It might be coincidence, the way he closes his eyes for me. We're breathing together. It makes sense to take and give life together. I dust my nose against his cheek and then move my lips over his lips. He pacifies against me. He’s more delicate up close. I'm stroking all his sweet, soft curves and fuzzy outlines.

'This is progress though, right?' I tease him, whispering against his mouth. My voice is raspy, losing itself to the lump in my throat. I swallow it down and close my eyes too.

'Tell me you can feel this Fin.'

'Robin...' I hear Finney whisper, softer and more fragile this time, 'Is that you?'"

"'Dare me to spend the night with a ghost, Robin?'

I grin at him, my mind and heart on fire. I quirk a challenging brow at him, 'What else is new, right?'"

"'Jesus Christ,' she scorns, touching a hand to her head and clutching her hair stressfully. 'You've really gone and fallen in love with a ghost haven't you?'

I stiffen. Fin chokes on his spit. He flushes so red, he looks like a dorky beetroot. We both start rambling like idiots.

'What? Robin and I aren't...no, it's not like that—!'

Without thinking, I look sideways at him. My heart snapping in my chest as I do. 'It's not?'

Lelaine bears down on me suspiciously.

Oops. Did I just say that out loud?

I backtrack, matching Fin's panic and blurting out my own pathetic explanation, 'I mean of course it's not!'

She's not buying it, cocking her chin in my direction and telling Fin, 'He doesn't seem to know that.'

I drop my face in my hands, groaning, '¡Querido Dios! You did not just tell him that.'"

"I sigh as I spider crawl my fingers toward his hand laying on the table. I tease my index finger over his. He doesn't move. Doesn't even flinch. I look at his hand, and at him and feel unbearably empty.

'He doesn't feel it.' I whisper. 'How can this be real if he doesn't even feel it?' I sit up and look at Lelaine through misty eyes. 'Can you help us or not?'

She frowns between us, looking sceptical. 'What do you expect me to do?' She asks.

'I want to be like you.' Finney eagerly explains, 'To be able to able to see and hear ghosts and control whatever the hell is happening to me. I want Robin back. Please.'"

"'I'm not getting rid of Robin.' Finney tells her, thankfully on the same page. Not that I ever thought he wouldn't be. The sting feels a little more bearable. 'There's got to be another way.'

She looks at both of us, scowling.

'Can you honestly say you are happy living like this? Because you certainly don't look happy Finney. The harder a medium latches onto a spirit, the thinner their tether to the real world gets stretched. It's a delicate line. You need to find a way to cut that tether loose, before you end up on the wrong side of it.'

She looks at me insolently, but is speaking to Fin as she says, 'Cut him loose before it's too late.'"

"She can't force Fin to get rid of me. That's not how it's supposed to go. We're supposed to be together!

'I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me!'

'You aren't doing him any favours by sticking around here,' Lelaine shoots back. 'He can never move on if you're always around to remind him why he shouldn't.'

There's a shard pushing into my brain now. Breaking the nerve endings holding my composure at bay. Tears mist my eyes and I choke out weak and pathetic words, 'I'm not trying to hurt him. I...I love him.'

That has to be enough. That mean something! It makes this okay. Us okay. Right?

'You are hurting him Robin, even if you can't see it that way.'

'STOP IT!' Finney screams at her, drawing our attention. He gets up and slams his palms on the table fiercely. 'Stop talking to him like that! You have no clue what you're even talking about. Robin is helping me, not hurting me. I need him!'

'Trust me honey, a ghost is the last thing you'll ever need in your life.'

'But it's my life to live, isn't it? I make my own choices. Just like you. Just like my mom did! And I choose Robin, understand? So you can just leave us alone.'"

[karliahs]

For DVD commentary, can you do walk a mile? Starting from "He considers leaving the room altogether," and ending at "There are drawings too, every now and then, detailed ones that are better than anything Hitoshi could do."

ooh, an old one! interesting to look back on because the decisions i made in that fic were long enough ago now that it feels like someone else made them

fun fact: i wrote this fic on a train, or specifically on two trains and in a coffee shop, because i accidentally got on a train that went an hour in the wrong direction before it stopped. and then spent an hour waiting in a coffee shop for a train that would go back the right way, and then for a couple of hours on a train going back.

and so while i was doing all that waiting, i wrote this fic on my phone (insane to me now). i think i may have typed a bit of it on a laptop when i got home finally, and i also think i may have posted it that same day??? kind of wild looking back on how blasé i used to be about some stuff (i would never dream of posting something now without days of editing)

i was also writing shinsou exclusively from sports festival and fanon. joint training arc wasn't in the anime yet at that time, and i was anime-only back then. so i'd probably write him differently now, but also if i'm gonna say that i should put my money where my mouth is and actually do that!

anyway!!! the passage:

He considers leaving the room altogether, roaming some dream version of the dorms, but he's still not convinced things aren't about to disintegrate the way they so often do when he manages to sleep, familiar landscapes draining away like sand, floors he's walked a thousand times suddenly giving way, dark things rising up out of the shadows.  Those dreams are worst when they're in places he knows, leaving him uneasy for days afterwards in whatever place they've decided to ruin this time. Better to stay in his invented version of Midoriya's room, even if it makes him feel bitter, and then bitter at his own bitterness. He's your classmate now, Hitoshi reminds himself. The scales are still vastly unbalanced, but for once he's moving in the right direction. 

...it is very difficult to not mentally line-edit this as i'm reading it. anyway. that thing where dreams will ruin stuff is deeply annoying. it happens to me more often with people than with places, but it is so frustrating to be like well i feel weird talking to this person now because my brain decided to write a play where we had an argument or something. projecting my annoyance with that onto Probable Sleep Issues guy

i do think bitter about your own bitterness could be a fun thing to play with more. like, the very fact that you're envying someone reminds you how far apart you are, which just drives more envy and frustration. also the dramatic irony of shinsou not understanding that midoriya also feels so behind and like he has such a shaky claim to this world is delightful and frustrating to me in almost equal measure (i need. them to be friends)

He tries to distract himself by snooping, unsure who he’ll really be learning more about. Mostly he gets the impression of an overwhelming amount of stuff. Hitoshi knows his own attitude to possessions isn’t exactly typical. He’d moved so often growing up that he’d started to take a kind of spiteful satisfaction in adding more and more of his things to the ‘give away’ pile with each move, insisting his parents couldn’t make him pack anything he didn’t want, looking around at his sparse, personality-less room and feeling like one thing was within his control.  It was partly why he hadn’t wanted anyone in his UA dorm room - he had school supplies tucked away in drawers, the bare minimum of clothes secluded in closets, and that was mostly it. Even with books, which he loved, he’d gotten used to getting from libraries rather than keeping any. He had plain black sheets on the bed.  The thought of changing things, of adding more stuff, even when he was in theory going to be in the same place for the next two and half years, made him feel twitchy and strange.

this is fun to look back on, because i don't think back in 2020 i had really acknowledged the ways in which i am weird about Stuff. not in this way exactly - none of my living spaces could be described as minimalist - but i have a real hatred of clutter (it feels like it's sending my brain notifications all the time and i can't make it stop), and a weird guilt thing about having too many things or having to get rid of things (i got offered a free book the other week and was filled with a weird panic at the idea of bringing something into my space without having thought carefully about whether it has a place there. like the "now i gotta be responsible for this water bottle" tweet but with every possession in my home. makes me feel, one might say, twitchy and strange)

anyway, as usual this isn't so much a fixed headcanon for shinsou as a thing i felt like exploring. one of the ways people try to gain a sense of control, especially for children and teenagers who control so few things. shinsou as a book-lover is a pretty consistent fond headcanon of mine (i like the light novel bit where he's baffled by people doing anything but studying on the weekends. books are a good hobby for a studious little guy, plus escapism, plus the lonely kid tradition of hiding away with a book)

His imagined version of Midoriya’s room is the opposite extreme. Every wall is adorned with posters, every surface covered with mostly All Might themed memorabilia, but also books, lamps, trinkets. He inspects dream-Midoriya’s book collection, finding a surprising amount of nonfiction, and also an intriguing stack of worn notebooks, at least a dozen. He snags one from the pile at random and flips it open. It takes him a while to make out the small, messy handwriting, and even longer to start drawing meaning from the scribbled, lengthy notes, written in a way that suggests the writer wasn’t trying to make them comprehensible for anyone except his future self. For the most part, the notebook is full of narrative regarding current active pro heroes - descriptions of fights witnessed in person or from internet footage; analysis of techniques, costumes, approach to publicity and interviews, varying between the kinds of paragraphs that wouldn’t seem out of place in a school essay to more personal, over-excited commentary. There are drawings too, every now and then, detailed ones that are better than anything Hitoshi could do.

midoriya, on the other hand, strikes me much more as a primarily nonfic reader than a fiction one. frenzied researcher vibes

anyway, midoriya's notebooks my beloved <3 them being revealed to various people is a v common trope in bnha fic, often with people marveling at the quality of analysis in them. and i'm fond of that! i think he is very good at analysing situations and this was obvs a learned skill. love when people appreciate my boy. but i also think he's an excited little fanboy, and a young teenager who has no real access to the world he's writing about, and also is writing for himself with no expectation of it needing to be comprehensible to anyone else. so i more imagine them as a fun mishmash of analysis and excitement, like real fan spaces

and as is referenced in the parts of the fic that follow on from this, i'm kind of less interested in the notebooks' quality than in them as like...an artifact of long-term loneliness. not having friends at a formative age will fuck you up, because humans are fundamentally social creatures who develop a sense of their own identity through interactions with others. so when those interactions are absent are largely negative, people can end up with thoughts kind of stoppered up inside themselves with nowhere to go. and i thought about that a lot with izuku, who has no one to share his love of heroes with

okay that's a sad note to end on again, oops, but this was fun to look back on, ty!!