#the amount of confusion left my brain doesn’t understand
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palebirdqueen · 1 year ago
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drainslo · 8 months ago
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Brains & Brawn- Chapter 8: Karts
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You were walking somewhere, anywhere that your feet would carry you. You fought the small amount of tears that started to roll down your face which threatened to become more.
You couldn't believe that Chishiya was willing to kiss you, but not mean anything by it. Your face was flushed with the humiliation of rejection.
Your vision was slightly blurry, which resulted in you almost stumbling into Tatta.
“Ah! I was looking for you,” he said awkwardly, looking relieved. “Hatter’s called an executive meeting right now.”
You thanked Tatta and made your way through the hotel to the upper floor where Hatter held his meetings. You felt a sense of deja-vu from the last time you had been there. The last time where this had all started, and you became entangled with Chishiya.
Hatter and the rest of the executives were already there. There were a couple of newcomers who were standing next to Hatter. It didn't escape your notice that they both had their hands tied behind their backs. Likely because they weren't immediately compliant with the Beach.
You took your place near the militants next to Niragi, who flashed a smile at you when you came in.
“You think Hatter got rid of that bastard?” Niragi whispered when you were close enough. You furrowed your brow in confusion, but it immediately became clear who he was talking about.
“Guess not,” he said when he saw Chishiya walk in casually. “Shit, hope he doesn’t take away your position.”
You smiled nervously back at Niragi but didn’t say anything as Hatter began the meeting.
“Executives! Glad you’re here! Now, I’ve called you all here because I’ve realized a solution to our pressing problem, and I also have a couple of new people here.” Hatter looked towards you and Chishiya expressively as you realized that one of the main points of this meeting was about both of you.
“So, from what I understand, you’ve been getting along swimmingly,” Hatter started with initially. You wanted to laugh at the irony of what had just transpired. If only Hatter knew that Chishiya didn't care.
You looked towards Chishiya to see his reaction, but he just blankly stared ahead of him.
“But, I think I’ve come up with a reasonable proposition. (Name) is one of the best executive group leaders at the Beach with the lowest casualty rate out of all of you, but Chishiya has never done so. Tonight, both of them will play and lead groups during the games. I’d also like to see Chishiya lead more groups.”
You flushed at the mention of your success rate in leading groups. Of course Hatter would consider this as a tiebreaker. But you had 5 days left on your visa, and you really didn’t feel like playing tonight.
“Hatter, I just played a game recently,” you said cautiously, not caring to mention that Chishiya was also in your group.
“Are you questioning my methods?” Hatter’s voice lowered dangerously, and you immediately regretted speaking out. Across the circle, An looked at you with pity in her eyes.
“Of course not Hatter. I look forward to playing,” you lowered your head submissively so he wouldn’t have reason to label you a traitor.
“Great! Now,” Hatter paused to turn his gaze meaningfully to the couple that were besides him. “I’d like to introduce you to some newcomers we have here. You said your names were Arisu and Usagi?”
The boy, Arisu, nodded fervently as he looked around the circle, his eyes settling on Chishiya. “You’re the one from the spades game!” he beamed in recognizing Chishiya like he could save them from their situation.
Chishiya didn’t respond but coolly watched Arisu. You thought that he looked as if he were making conclusions about something; he studied Arisu in the same way that he had watched people on the Beach from your balcony.
You knew that Chishiya was as likely to help Arisu as he was to be open with his emotions.
“Arisu also shows promise to be an executive, and he has brought the seven of hearts with him. I’ll have him go in a group with one of the executives today,” Hatter continued, ignoring the short exchange that just transpired.
A seven? You questioned how Arisu had even made it out alive of such a high ranked hearts game. But then again, Mira had cleared the nine of hearts somehow which earned her a highly ranked executive position.
Mira’s eyes gleamed, and she looked as if she were going to say something until a voice spoke up.
“He can come with me. I’m playing tonight,” An stepped forward without even glancing towards Arisu.
“Then that’s all settled? Executives are dismissed. I’ve already welcomed Arisu and Usagi to the Beach, but we have to go over some rules,” Hatter relayed to the rest of you, and you rolled your eyes at the mention of the Beach’s extensive rules.
You walked out silently, and didn’t feel like talking to Niragi. You hoped that Chishiya wouldn’t try to talk to you either. Or did you?
“(Name),” you heard someone behind you say. You swiveled around to find that it was Aguni addressing you.
“Yes?” you asked nervously. You couldn’t think of a reason Aguni had to look for you.
“Follow me,” Aguni said, and led you to an area where nobody could overhear you. You cocked your head to the side questioningly as you waited for him to speak.
“I think you should be careful around Niragi,” he said slowly.
“What?” You blurted before you could stop yourself. This was the second warning about Niragi you had received in a relatively short timeframe.
“Only regarding Chishiya. Try to keep the two separate at all costs, and don’t bring Chishiya up to him without warning.”
“Why? Did something happen?” you questioned, trying to figure out what had made Aguni get involved.
“I believe Niragi has taken a special interest in Hatter’s project with you two, and the relationship you’ve developed,” Aguni replied carefully. You felt that he wasn’t telling you everything based on his precarious tone.
“Alright,” you said finally. All these exchanges made you wonder how Niragi behaved when he wasn’t around you. It sounded like he became an entirely different person from whom you had once known him to be.
This was what the Borderlands was: it takes from you and warps the person you once were.
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The evening came before you knew it, and you waited in a hallway nearby for Hatter to start and finish his evening rousing speech. You had been avoiding everyone by hiding out in the shooting range. You felt Chishiya wouldn’t dare come, and he didn’t.
You didn’t know if you were more disappointed or frustrated by him.
You paced in the hallway anxiously, until you saw Kuina approaching you. “(Name)! Are you alright? I saw Chishiya earlier today and-”
The feeling of evil jealousy reared its head in your ugly chest, and before you could stop yourself you spoke almost automatically.
“Chishiya this, Chishiya that. I guess it’s good he talks to you,” you laughed sardonically and immediately regretted doing so. Kuina didn't deserve your frustrations about Chishiya.
“I’m so sorry about him. You didn’t even come spar with me. Listen, (Name), I don’t know exactly what happened between you two,” Kuina pulled out a cigarette that you didn’t see she was carrying and lit it.
You waited for her to begin speaking again as she inhaled the smoke. She leaned against the wall and sighed before continuing speaking.
“I also don’t know exactly how Chishiya feels, but from what I’ve seen I definitely think there’s something. Whenever you’re playing games, he watches you until you leave. He lurks around or sends me to find out if you’ve made it safely back."
You stopped pacing in shock, and took a shuddery breath in disbelief. You wanted to start crying again from the ill feeling that arose when you thought of your dysfunctional relationship with Chishiya.
He does care.
There was an unusual silence, which made you register that Hatter's speech had ended. “I have to go,” you told Kuina and she wished you luck in your game.
You found a place to stand and waved for people who were in group 9 to come towards you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Chishiya was leading group 10. He was talking with Arisu for some reason, even though you thought Arisu was supposed to be playing with An.
You didn’t realize you were staring at Chishiya until Niragi came up to you and tapped your head with the sniper gun he carried playfully, awakening you from your reverie. 
“Hey bitch! Daydreaming about someone?” Niragi greeted you.
“Niragi? Aren’t you supposed to be in another group?” You asked in confusion upon seeing Niragi. Occasionally the militants played together, but more frequently didn’t due to the power imbalance.
Hatter wasn’t very fond of a spades dominated player group, especially when you all had guns.
“Since Chishiya’s got to be in charge of one group, I don’t have to do so tonight. So I’ll stick with you, I’m sure to live,” Niragi smiled in amusement but you felt more panicked than anything. You would now see with your own eyes what the others said about Niragi.
Counting Niragi and yourself, there would be 7 people in your group playing that night. It was more than you usually had, and you felt the weight of the responsibility for keeping everyone alive drop on your shoulders.
Motioning for everyone to leave, you began to walk out towards the parking lot with Niragi chattering loudly about how many people there were to watch over. Before you left the Beach’s lobby, you turned back to see if what Kuina said was true. 
And you felt a chill run down you after you locked eyes with Chishiya, who was indeed watching you leave. 
You wanted to run over to him, and ask him why he kissed you. You wanted to ask him what you were to him. But most of all, you just wanted to talk to him again.
You tore your eyes away from him and focused back on the group you were with. You could now practically feel the burning gaze of Chishiya on your back as you walked out.
“Hey- don’t you agree that Hatter’s asking for a lot?” Niragi poked you in the side when he realized that you weren’t responding.
You sighed and clambered into the driver’s seat of one of the larger cars the Beach had to offer. 
“Hatter always asks for a lot,” you duly responded, watching Niragi take the seat next to yours. You turned on the music of the car as the other players crawled into the back, so that Niragi would get the message that you would rather be alone in your thoughts.
The poor quality of the music faintly played as you arrived at the game venue. It appeared to be either an arcade, or a go-karting site. It was hard to tell when the moss and rampant plants grew over the sign of the building.
You entered the building with the others, and as everyone grabbed a phone for registration you saw the go-karts lined up, ready for a race. You drew your gaze to the go-karting course that lay before you, and felt a sense of dread build up. There were around 20 of them lined up, which already was a difficult enough number to race.
The course also was redesigned to be abnormally more difficult than anytime you’ve ever raced. There were tighter turns, and the course appeared to be much longer. You hadn’t been go-karting frequently, and you hoped that the game’s rules weren’t impossible to clear.
“Racing! Sounds fun,” Niragi grinned at you while all you could think was how awful and not fun this game was going to be. “I bet I can beat you,” he continued and pulled out a pair of driving gloves from his pocket.
“How the fuck do you have those?” There wasn’t any way Niragi could’ve known that this game was centered around driving.
“Ah, don’t you think they make me look sexier? I was actually planning on driving us here, but you took the seat so I didn’t say anything,” Niragi flashed the gloves at you, and you shook your head in disbelief at his stupidity. Before you could say more, the chime of the game began.
GAME START
DIFFICULTY: FOUR OF HEARTS 
[KARTS]
NO WEAPON USE
TIME: 20 MINUTES
RULES:
PLAYERS MUST PICK A KART TO RACE IN. THERE WILL BE A 5 MINUTE PERIOD FOR PLAYERS TO GET INTO A KART.
AFTER THE PERIOD ENDS, THERE WILL BE A COUNTDOWN FOR PLAYERS TO BEGIN RACING. GAME CLEAR WILL BE FOR ALL PLAYERS WHO MAKE 3 LAPS IN THE GIVEN TIME PERIOD. 
WE STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO PICK ONE OF THE FIRST KARTS TO GET A HEAD START. HELMETS ARE PROVIDED ON A TABLE ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROOM.
You watched as everyone in the venue either ran towards the first karts that were lined up on the course or went to grab a helmet. You gestured at everyone from the Beach to grab a helmet, but a couple went for the go-karts instead.
“Isn’t the helmet more important than the position? I’ve never been racing without one,” you said to Niragi as you both pulled one over your head. The helmets were running out quickly, and it soon became clear that there wasn’t enough for everyone.
“Doesn’t matter to protect your head, when you’re dead,” Niragi quipped and you both jogged back to the go-karts. You brought back a couple of helmets and handed them to the pair of Beach players who defied your instructions.
There were 3 minutes left until the race began. You strapped yourself into the go-kart and prepared yourself for the race. Why was the game hearts? You thought to yourself, bewildered by the suit of the game, but before you knew it, the game’s announcer spoke.
GAME START
A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out, I was so busy this week!! Hope you guys like it :) (also peep Chishiya will be more present in the next chap haha)
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lunarmoves · 3 months ago
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Man, when I wrote that ask, I thought Sun’s reaction would be along the lines of ‘feeling betrayed and angry over his favourite human’s perceived abandonment of him, either doing his best to right them off or creepily tracking them down to confront them and maybe even forcing them somehow to never leave him again,’ or even ‘realizing how he had been treating y/n was hurting them and he wants to fix it.’ Starting a whole robot apocalypse hadn’t occurred to me.
When reading a few of your previous drapples from before this Bleeding Wires au all started, I had imagined that Sun was somewhat already aware of his feelings for y/n and that he cared for them, but he didn't know how to express that without his grim thoughts and tensely charged anger getting in the way. Most interactions were usually friendly, but y/n had come to believe that those weren't really genuine considering all the occasions of hostility Sun shown to them. This idea greatly contrasts though in how you explain that Sun only begins to understand his feelings for y/n long after the uprising.
Now that he has y/n, will Sun be able to realize why they are scared of him? And why they left the pizzaplex in the first place? Will he be able to recognize the part he did in making them feel this way? Or is that amount of empathy still out of his reach?
TO BE FAIR i didn’t expect it to segue into a robot apocalypse either LOL. id been throwing out small ideas and answering asks abt a sun who believes in robot superiority beforehand and i guess my brain just connected it at an instance where it saw an apocalypse could be started?? i think it was just heavily on my mind beforehand ngl. i do plan on answering an ask i received about what wouldve happened if the apocalypse aspect was cut completely LMAO
i WILL say tho that yeah, a lot of my drabbles before bleeding wires was started DO involve a sun who is more accepting of his feelings. and that’s because i like writing multiple versions of sun LMAO. you’ve nailed that sun completely correctly! those drabbles are not related to bleeding wires bc the sun in them does not have a superiority complex. he’s more… aware that he is a robot, afraid of being replaced should he be found broken, slightly unhinged, and waaay friendlier. all the relevant asks and writings to ‘bleeding wires’ (aka where sun has that robot superiority complex) should be tagged accordingly! anything outside of that involves different flavors of sun that i like to play around with c: like— i have definitely written nice sun before LOL, one who isn’t unhinged in the slightest, bc i do like that version of him as well. it can get confusing keeping track of it all, so i apologize if things get mixed up or if i say stuff that doesn’t align ! i’ll go back and double check tht everything is tagged appropriately. and maybe ill make a masterpost sorting out the different sun types LMFAO (i.e. nice yet sarcastic sun, nice yet unhinged sun, robot superiority sun, etc)
back to bleeding wires— in arc2 i like to imagine that sun gets better with emotions to the point where he IS able to empathize to an extent. at some instance, him and reader will have a conversation about why you left, bc that’s something sun has thought about a lot, and he’s definitely not going to let you off the hook in terms of answering him. in that conversation, you will for sure talk about the issues you had/have with him. because explaining to him why you left would involve you mentioning that you thought he didn’t like you. that now you are scared of him and what he has done.
and by then sun has seen his fair side of fear and anger and stuff in humans, making him able to better identify such emotions. and he knows he has caused it all. so he will be able to look at himself in the mirror and think about how he may be seen to others and why, precisely, you are so frightened of him. while he definitely won’t be the best at empathy at the start, he’ll learn—as his AI was designed to do. just… he’ll learn a little bit too late
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Lol, I can’t help but imagine how Wally would react to a gothic, kind of grungy, reader. Just someone who wears black and white all the time, maybe with hits of darker blues or reds. I just find the idea amusing since the neighborhood and characters are all bright, fun colors while there’s just this one gothic person wearing spikes or something.
 
Also, something I can picture is Wally painting them because they’re so different from everything else and the uniqueness of their style and makeup is so fun to draw and paint, and the reader feels the same way. I can just picture the two of them drawing each other or something.
(romantic or mutual crushes, please ^^ I've always been a sucker for opposite aesthetic couples)
HAHA!!! I’m also a sucker for opposite aesthetic couples HEHEHE… I’ll strike you a deal; I’ll write both (mutual crushes and romantic)! HAHA
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The Raven and The Kingfisher
Wally Darling x GN!Goth/Grunge!Reader
Headcanons Format, Mutual Crushes -> Romantic Relationship
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When you first moved in, to say Wally was interested would be an understatement.
He adored your style, he found it very!! Refreshing? He loves all his neighbours and he loves their town, but sometimes something new can be appreciated!! And you were something new, alright!! /pos
After just a few days of talking, he ended up asking if he could paint you— and he loves to paint all his neighbours! But he certainly wanted to give a shot at conveying your style.
All those darker coloured paints (ones that maybe only been slightly used to create new tones) could finally be used >:]
If you were to say no, he’d accept ! That’s alright ! But he’d probably still likely doodle something of your style in private— although not necessarily of you.
If you say yes? He’s over the moon.
He takes great care to make his paintings as accurate as he can!! He’d likely be on yours for a while, just because you introduce a lot of new colours he hasn’t worked with before— the closest reference he has had is Frank and the other things he’s doodled— so it might take a while longer than usual!! But it’s so delightfully fun to experiment and learn.
But the outcome is lovely, and he proudly hands the painting off to you.
He doesn’t make that the last time he’s drawn you, though, goodness no. It almost becomes a habit, to doodle you.
Which his friends begin to notice, when the litte sketchbook he drags around is practically filled with scribbles of you.
At some point, he is with Julie! She ends up glancing over, and giggles at seeing him doodle you yet again, with a soft “Oh, Wally..”
The two had just been sitting around lightly chatting and doing their own things— and Wally was drawing.
Confusedly, Wally would lift his head— what was funny? Had he done something funny with meaning to—?
“You’re drawing the new neighbour!”
He tilts his head. Why yes, he was? How is that funny—? Julie picks up and continues, though.
“You’ve been drawing them sooo mucchhh.. Do you like them, or something? I think you might like them— we all kinda do!“
He tilts his head again. “Of course.. I like them, they’re my friend..?”
But that interaction gets his brain spinning, and eventually— during a hangout with Frank— he just kind of. Pauses.
He mutters under his breathe, and soon whisks himself away with a rushed farewell to Frank— who is just left staring in confusion.
Ah, so maybe like is a loose term. Haha ooooops..
When he steps into Home, who creaks him a hello, the amount he’s been doodling you somewhat- hits him like a truck?
You’re in his sketchbooks, mainly, which— all of his friends were! But his sketchbooks were almost like a direct thread to his “subconscious”. He just doodles whatever comes to mind, or whatever he feels (and his true feelings have a tendency to alter how it presents itself— though really only in ways he can understand). He uses it very much as an outlet.
And you were, basically, on every single damn page of the thing.
.. whoopsie.
With the newfound knowledge that he, haha, maybe has developed a “teensy weensy itsy bitsy” crush—
Heee is now terrified to be around you.
If it was so obvious to everyone else, was it obvious to you?
Wuh-oh.
He doesn’t let this anxiety stop him from talking to you, though. The thoughts of it made him sad— and the thought of him withdrawing making you sad made him ever sadder.
But from beyond this point, he’s a lot.. less collected.
When you two hang out, there’s a small shift in the air— that he is hyper-aware of, and you might be, too.
Wally always did stare— he liked eye contact, and he didn’t really care to learn where else he should be looking during conversations—
So him avoiding your gaze was almost off-putting due to how foreign it was.
He’d glance to his hands, or to his supplies, or To the sky.
Anywhere but you when you looked at him— he couldn’t!! Really bare your reaction!!
He knew it’d be the same way you look at him all of the time, but the thought it might be negative made him.. antsy.
Because, again, if his little crush was obvious to everyone else before it was even obvious to him— was it obvious to you, too?
This keeps up for a few days, and eventually— you just.. ask him what’s been up. You note his change in behaviour, and you express you’re confused— maybe even a bit concerned.
And the dam just comes flooding.
He gives some garbled twist of a confession, nervously wringing his fingers the entire time (something he almost never did).
He expresses it’s okay if it isn’t mutual, and that he just had to get it off his chest before he “exploded” (Barnaby used that word a lot in his jokes— so maybe it’d be funny if he used it, too?)
He’s overjoyed to hear you return the affections though, and immediately just sort of de-tenses and instead starts.. kicking his legs. Very quickly. Stimming. Hehe.
From there, you two fall into a relationship. You had already sort of been recognized as a “thing” by everyone else in the neighbourhood— as you were often seen together.
Now, you were practically always seen together— making the opposites in your aesthetic very noticeable. Two halves of a pair!
When you aren’t together, Wally has a tendency to.. maaaybe.. gush about you, a lil..
Specifically to Barnaby! He knows Barnaby doesn’t mind to listen (especially while consuming his.. “lovely” hot dogs (/sar)).
While the two stand around, Wally cupping his normal hotdog in two hands and Barnaby chewing on his abomination lovely creation, he’ll just go onnn and ooonn about you, or what the two of you have been up to, or what you plan to do later. His words are kinda hummed as he does, and he seems to idly be wiggling his head side to side.
Barnaby is happy to lend an ear! He’s got two very big ones, after all.
.. plus, it’s easier to lull Wally into kind of just.. handing his hotdog to him.. hehe..
Not that he wasn’t going to already give it! He just gets to receive it faster, and Wally pays no mind.
Overall, that little man is head over heels for you— absolutely smitten. He finds your aesthetic very, very pretty— and you in turn just as much.
Expect sappy love letters and even more paintings of you, dear. :]
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I FORGOT TO DO AN AUTHOR’S NOTE AT THE END IM SORROY I GOT DISTRACTED HWAHWA
THis was super cute to write and I hope it was satisfactory!!! :D
Have a lovely day!!!!!
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imaddicted2hs · 2 years ago
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ONE SHOT- Broken Mirror
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Its going to be sad sad so brace yourself guys.
And yes hey, posting after like decades lmao. Its just a little something i have been feeling lately so if you wanna feel a lil sad, this is the one shot maybe.
Word Count- 1.4k
Warnings- Angst
Happy Reading!!
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I slowly breathe in as I mindlessly open my case. I grab the neck of my black guitar, pulling it out carefully. “You will play great y/n I know, don’t stress it too much yeah?” I give my friend a small tight lipped smile and look around to see if he’s there.
We don’t have the same class anymore but he has friends in my section so he often visits during the common break. I have spent nights memorising this very song by heart. I learned to play it on guitar so that I could sing it all out, all my feelings for him. But it will be like a knife was stabbed in my heart if he doesn’t show up. I notice a few heads turn towards me as I sit on the desk, positioning my guitar. I feel the coarse strings on my fingertips as I hold some random chords and give it a light strum. Before beginning with it I quickly glance at the door and to my surprise I make eye contact with him. It’s so quick that I barely see anything other than his green orbs looking at me and his body leaning at the door frame basically effortlessly. Without giving it a second thought I start strumming the intro attracting a few more half interested peeps around me. I get lost in singing right away because I have always felt those lyrics deep in my bones. I was in no way a singer but I was fine enough to not make other people’s ear bleed and sound tolerable if there was light music in the background.
“I wanna taste his lips, yeah cause they taste like you, I wanna drown myself in a bottle of his perfume.”
I made sure to change the pronouns as I sang the song and I tried my best, I really did, to not turn my head to the left as I said the you part but it was almost like my actions were out of my control. Ofcourse I regretted doing that because as soon as I turned my head, he stared right at me and I saw his eyebrows shoot up, which was almost unnoticeable, but I caught the slight surprise in his eyes. Regardless I continued and it felt like the song ended too fast or I swallowed a whole verse or something but maybe I was just being paranoid. My idiotic brain made sure to not skip looking at him at any of the ‘yous’. It was almost embarrassing because I felt like a few people noticed it. I strum the last chord and let it echo as I pull my hand away and smile at the small crowd in front of me. I didn’t even notice that I’d attracted a good amount, probably around 50 people, as I played. Not even a second later I heard a small applause and my friend's rushing words like “dude how” or “damn girl” as she gave me a side hug. I didn’t have the guts anymore to look at him again and my only friend who knew about him gave me a sympathetic look which I just shrugged to in response. So what really was the deal? Harry Styles. The boy I have liked since 7th grade, which means it’s been almost 5 years now. We were not strangers no but we weren’t close friends either. The dynamic we had was too confusing for me to understand properly. We actually did pretty great when it came to texting but it all came down to puddles of awkwardness and almost forced conversation whenever we tried to talk face to face. It wasn’t like that for the first year I’d met him but after two years of not seeing each other and only texting at times, it all ended in this weird ball of confusion. Almost like an intangible mess of lose threads. And what made it worse was my old ex best friend, now like a frenemy, was closer to him than I could ever be. It was almost excruciating to watch them talk so freely and even laugh together. It’s a thought that can make me bust into tears at anytime of the day so I won’t go down that road. I hear a few “that was really nice” and “great job, keep it up” as I start to put my guitar back in because boys around here can’t be trusted. All the compliments made sure to put a permanent smile on my face but my bubble is popped as soon as I see him approach me. “You looked adorable while playing the guitar.” It takes me a second to get a grasp of what he said but I mutter a quick thanks as I try to find something, anything, to do with my hands as we talked. “Could we talk for a moment?” I close my eyes and mentally curse myself because I had a feeling that this would happen but I also had a small hope that he won’t find the guts to do this. “Sure ofcourse” I reply as coolly as I could. I follow him as he tries to make small talks. I know I can break the ice and make it less hard but something inside me doesn’t want me to. Almost as if my soul is enjoying watching him struggle. “So how’s life treating you?” “Nothing much, what about you?” Him and his dry replies again. I just shrug in response to challenge that response. “So who’s the guy crush?” He askes me all of a sudden and I just scoff as a reflex. “Are you really asking me that right now?” My question is laced with annoyance and I can see that he’s taken back by my sudden change in mood but I’m done pretending now. Before he can say anything I attack him with my words. “Not a single glance I gave you was the answer to the question you just asked? I can’t take it anymore Harry, I can’t. Either you are just naive or you just don’t want to see what’s right in front of you.” My voice is shaking but I continue because his face portrays not a single emotion right now.
“You give me all of these mixed signals and I almost believe that you like me but then you sometimes say stuff that screams ‘we are friends’ right in my face. I like you Harry and this all is killing me.” I just stare at him because I know he deserves atleast a little time to comprehend it all. He sighs before he makes a go for it. “Y/n you’re cool and a nice friend but I’m just not looking for a relationship right now. But I promise that we can be really good friends. You can trust me.”
“That’s it? Good friends after this? What? Okay not looking for a relationship. With me or in general? And why didn’t I hear you say that you don’t reciprocate these feelings? What if that girl you like liked you back? You would date her I’m sure.” I can’t think straight as I bombard him with all these questions with tears daring to fall from my eyes. He just gives me a look from which I can’t make out anything and I just stand there watch him leave after he mutters an apology. I want to scream at him. I want to yell and let him know that now also he did nothing but communicate badly and I hate him for not liking me back but I don’t say any of that. Instead I break into tears and let all the frustration out because it really isn’t his fault. He never asked me to fall for him and he never asked me to get attached to him. He didn’t promise me a strong bond or a friendship. He didn’t because he didn’t need to. I fell into the ugliest trap of one sided love and I resent the fact that anything like that exists. I get a hold of myself and I sprint into the nearest restroom. I wash my face, tell myself everything is fine and somehow make it out alive of the next three hours of school. I reach home and in no time I lay on my bed and I cry and cry until I have no tears left. He didn’t feel the same. It felt like I had looked in a mirror, but it was broken. I’d shouted but the voice hadn’t echoed. I had thrown a pebble in the lake and the droplets hadn't repeled. I didn’t like this feeling and I just wanted to wallow in my sadness for the whole night. And that’s exactly what I did.
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Thoughts??? Constructive criticism is welcomed, reblogs are appreciated and I hope I have improved. I'll writing something longer and better soon maybe. See ya till then;)
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bonesandthebees · 1 year ago
Note
Also, I really love the Tattoo! I knew the Shrike convo was going to come back, but the two heads!!! It’s foreshadowed in the damn chapter title. It’s so cool! It’s the way Wilbur decides himself based on headspace. It’s 1 person in the same badly so confused he has to compartalise himself, so we get two heads and one body.
Also, it’s really well described. I can picture the entire thing in my head. Though it’s mirror in my head because I read left and my brain just went right! And I’m not going to bother mentally turning it around since it doesn’t really make a difference. Same with the blueprint btw! Everything is relatively the same as in my heads but mirrored. (It’s a dyslexia thing, the amount of times I’ve said left with full confidence and pointed right is ridiculous.) other small details, in my head Kristin’ statue was in the middle of the main cave; the cafeteria somehow connected to the star room directly even though it’s been mentioned there’s a hallway a lot and I didn’t realise there was so much space between al the different rooms. It was very nice to see an official blue print though, but it shows your descriptions are really good.
Anyway, back to the tattoo. So obviously one half is Wilbur and the other the Pythia. And Niki clearly sees it as Wilbur killing the Pythia and trying to free himself of it and fly off. Though I feel like unless one bird is somehow ripping itself out of the other I don’t think they can actually be separated. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s more about the fact that being the Pythia is hurting him, but he’s overcoming it. There’s a lot of possible interpretations and the symbolism is very nice.
Either way, I have a feeling Wilbur isn’t fully at Niki’s intended meaning yet. Which is fine, it’s his tattoo, he can give it whatever meaning he wants. But from what I understand, Wilbur feels like he (Wilbur) is the one getting impaled rather than the Pythia. The bird in his chest has been impaling him which is why he asks to change it to a rib. There’s also the imprecation that being the Pythia has killed him (Wilbur) and he should be dead, but he’s not (the bird’s eye is still open).
There’s a lot of options and I’m having a fun time okay. There’s also many theories and some I was going to throw out or have already thrown out (I can’ remeber), but I’ve definite seen other anons throw them out and it’s not really full confirmation (because we’ll never get that when it comes to Clara), but it feels like a lot of arrows being pointed.
Anyway, have fun at Lovejoy Bee! Thanks for the fun chapter and a chance to catch up and get all my thoughts out.
- 🌲
YEAHHH I'm so happy with how the tattoo design description came out. again shoutout to eli for helping me come up with it. I think the two-headed bird describes glass!wilbur's struggle sooooo well
lmao if your mental image is a bit flipped that's fine it's not like it matters as long as you have the general layout so you know what's going on when I describe stuff
eh honestly the cafeteria could be directly connected to the starry room and it wouldn't change anything. like no that's not exactly how i pictured it but again if your mental image is a bit different than mine it's fine
I love hearing everyones different interpretations of the tattoo. maybe they can't separate without killing each other. maybe they can. who knows? maybe it's a piece of wilbur he's never going to be able to fully leave behind despite how much he wants to.
not gonna say anything more than that though like I said I want you all to have your own interpretations. very interesting theories for sure!!
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quoteablebooks · 11 months ago
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Genre: Young Adult, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy
Rating: 0 out of 5
Content Warning: Ableism, Child death, Death, Death of parent, Alcoholism, Cursing, Bullying, Suicidal thoughts, Torture
Summary:
The first book in Alyson Noël's extraordinary new Immortals series. Enter an enchanting new world, where true love never dies...
After a horrible accident claims the lives of her family, sixteen-year-old Ever Bloom can see people's auras, hear their thoughts, and know someone's entire life story by touching them. Going out of her way to avoid human contact to suppress her abilities, she has been branded a freak at her new high school—but everything changes when she meets Damen Auguste.
Damen is gorgeous, exotic and wealthy. He's the only one who can silence the noise and random energy in her head—wielding a magic so intense, it's as though he can peer straight into her soul. As Ever is drawn deeper into his enticing world of secrets and mystery, she's left with more questions than answers. And she has no idea just who he really is—or what he is. The only thing she knows to be true is that she's falling deeply and helplessly in love with him.
*Opinions*
TL;DR - The villain should have killed both main characters and put us all out of our misery
Hello friends and enemies, we are gathered here today to talk about a book that I did not enjoy and probably has the most annoying characters I have read to date. The plot was nonsense, the characters were annoying, and somehow a book that was just over 300 pages was about 300 pages too long. The fact that there are six books in this series is truly baffling to me as I don’t understand how anyone cared about these characters enough to get through this novel let alone five more. My completeist brain is truly thrilled that I cannot easily find the rest to read for free anywhere so I can drop this book in a free little library and never have to think about it again.
I do want to provide one positive before I get into everything else I didn’t like about this novel. I appreciated the portrayal of Sabine and how kind she is to Ever, who is consistently a horrible person to her and everyone else. Sabine lost her twin brother, dropped everything, and moved so that she could take care of her niece who is now her ward. Sabine is nothing but patient and kind to Ever, a teenager who is constantly not talking to her, being mean, or getting expelled from school. Sabine is the true hero of this book for not smacking Ever into next week on a couple of occasions. I too would be working all the time if I had to live with Ever constantly being cagy, lying, and straight up ignoring her. Ava is also kind to Ever when she has no reason to be, so the adult women in this novel, for the small amount are present, have the patience of saints.
Ever is one of the most annoying main characters that I have ever had the displeasure of being in the head of. She is so self-centered and not in an “I am a teenager who is going through some horrible and confusing things” but in an “I care about no one and nothing but myself and I never let anyone complete a thought because I don’t want to hear it, even though I am psychic and read minds.” She is a horrible friend, an extremely clingy and toxic girlfriend, and almost too dumb to live. Ever doesn’t figure out anything that is happening on her own, she doesn’t do a single thing herself throughout this novel except breaking into her boyfriend’s house because…she’s mad he left after spending almost two whole days with her. She says that she doesn’t want her ghost little sister to cross over, yet is absolutely horrible to her every time she is present, is a shitty friend, and is just an overall bad person. When people do try to explain things to Ever, she gets pissed off and tells them to go away or says horrible things, but then is confused why people aren’t talking or lying to her.
The sad thing is that this could have been a powerful story about grief and dealing with the loss of family, but Ever never thinks about her parents except how she can’t see them, and only thinks about what her sister lost when it is convenient for her. She states constantly that her psychic powers are because she is being punished for the accident, but once Daimen is on the scene, she barely thinks about the family she lost or the life she no longer has. Instead of making Ever a complex character who is managing huge life changes and loss, she seems like a self-absorbed narcissist who is only upset that her parents are dead because the accident changed her from the most popular cheerleader into a “freak”. It is all so shallow that I have no sympathy for her. Then her two-day descent into alcoholism? I can’t even get into that.
Daimen is the king of gaslighting and every time he did something that was supposed to be romantic I rolled my eyes so hard I almost strained something. Daimen, a six hundred-year-old man, is obsessed with a seventeen-year-old. Usually, these types of age gaps don’t bother me in high fantasy novels, but in an urban fantasy in which Daimen is constantly dropping hints that he is so much more knowledgeable and sophisticated than Ever, it just felt weird. Sometimes I heard the start of the SVU theme song. He is also constantly using his type of magic in front of her and then denying that he is, making her feel as if she is losing her mind. A mind that he can read at times and knows how distressed he is making her, yet instead of trying to find a way to explain he continues to play mind games. He apparently loves her so much that he has searched for her in multiple lifetimes, but he also somehow never figures out that it is Darina who continually kills her. Even though Darina shows up every time she dies they get back together. This is a man who supposedly discovered the truth about immortality and he can’t see the two plus two make four? However, I completely lost it when Ever was upset and crying and his response, get on top of her and start trying to sleep with her. I hate him.
Let’s also take a little detour and talk about the fact that Darina made a point of telling Ever that she died a virgin in every lifetime she has had since meeting Daimen. Now, I have no intention of reading on in this series unless someone pays me money, but I can predict that when Ever and Daimen actually do sleep together there is going to be a whole thing of being her one and only partner, her first and only love, she is happy she saved her soul for him, etc. and I would have to throw up before continuing.
Darina is the most cardboard-cut-out villain I might have ever read. She is the stunningly beautiful woman that Daimen is with that gives off creepy vibes. That is the only reason why Ever hates her to begin with. Then she gets close to Haven for the sole purpose of killing her to upset Ever and make her feel like she is alone so she’ll just die when Darina finally decides to attack her all because she is in love with Daimen for some reason. Darina, who proves at the end of the book that she could have killed Ever at any moment, but just decides to play games because…plot? Then, after 600 years, she is easily confused and killed without much of a fight. While I wanted her to succeed because I hated Daimen and Ever and wanted them to stop existing, she didn’t have enough of a personality to really care about her one way or another.
Ever’s “friends”, and I use the word loosely, are stereotypes and also kind of the worst people. Miles is the less offensive of the two, he is just obsessed with his boyfriends to the point that he ignores his friends, but he at least says something when both Ever and Haven are being the worst. Haven, however, fucking sucks. Everything had to be about her and she called ‘dibs’ on a man and gets pissed when he isn’t interested in her but her friend. Remember, these people are Juniors in high school, and they are calling dibs on a real-life person. The whole bit where she joins anonymous groups and lies about having addictions or other problems because she is ignored at home is just wrong on so many levels. Then, Haven goes missing for days after another woman is murdered, and Ever is so self-obsessed she doesn’t even care, but is so extremely happy when she reappears alive. This whole town should have just been crushed by a meteor.
A major part of the plot, in which there almost isn’t any mind you, is that Ever feels as if she needs to punish herself because she believes that it is her fault that her family got into a car accident that killed them. There is this whole thread about how she has to forgive herself for the accident and thinking that she caused it, with multiple other characters explicitly saying this to her. In the final scene of the novel Daimen states that love heals and she finally forgave herself so the scar on her forehead is gone. Except, Ever never forgave herself because she found out that Darina caused the accident for the sole purpose of killing Ever. It was all just so frustrating. Ever doesn’t figure out anything on her own, Darina tells her in her evil monologue. Yet we are supposed to get this whole takeaway about love and forgiveness after Ever turns Darina to dust by accident. When Daimen started explaining that Ever hit Darina in her weakest chakra and that’s why she died I would have put down the book if I wasn’t so close to the end. Please, give me a fucking break. There had not been a single mention of chakras before this scene, not one. Also, the only other plot point besides Ever hating herself was figuring out why Daimen was acting so weird, that’s it.
I could go on for another five pages of everything I hated about this, but it would just make me angry. I would give this zero stars if that was a possibility. Save yourself the time and money and read literally anything else.
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buckybarnesdiaries · 4 years ago
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wakanda
bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.
Steve gives you Bucky's dog tags for a reason.
word count: 2.4k (lol, sorry)
warnings/tags: none. bucky being a cutie.
author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.
Join the tag list here.
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“Welcome to Wakanda, agent (Y/N)”.
A second after you crossed their airspace, you were courteously greeted. The views from your ship were indescribable. Peace invaded you just at the sight of the open fields and the warm colors of autumn. You could get used to that place too. To live in calm, work hand-to-hand with Shuri, and have time to spend it with Bucky. The reason why you were flying there. Removing your right hand from the control and grabbing in a fist the dog tags hanging on your chest, you took a deep breath while closing your eyes before getting ready to land. T’Challa was waiting for you at the entry of his kingdom, accompanied by his excited little sister and some of his guards.
Pressing a sequence of buttons above your head, to pull the control back, the ship went down slowly folding its wings. As you landed and turned off the engineers, you freed yourself from the seatbelt and the huge headphones to step out. Shuri received you with a friendly hug, breaking protocol and being just Shuri. You built a strong relationship since you met a year ago, when you brought Bucky to that beautiful and magical place, to let him recover. To let him rest.
“Your highness”. You uttered to T’Challa crossing your forearms in the traditional salutation of Wakanda.
“Agent (Y/N)”. He corresponded walking closer. “The white wolf asked me to let you know he wouldn’t want to be… bothered with visits today”.
You couldn’t help but frown. The last time you saw him was around three months ago. You usually interchanged letters from week to week, being one of the fewer persons he trusted in. And it wasn’t just a question of trust. Steve told you about his feelings, his shyness, and insecurities, his fears. What Bucky didn’t know, again, it wasn’t a question of trust from you either. That’s why the Captain gave you the dog tags, after more than thirteen years under custody. You wanted to see him, to know if he was happy there as he wrote you in his letters one million times.
“He doesn’t wear his arm here”. Shuri clarified, taking a position close to his brother.
By the look on their faces, you were aware of two things. One, they noticed too that something was growing between Bucky and you, and that it wasn’t a simple friendship. Two, they weren’t going to stop you. Oh, quite the opposite. They’d bring you to him on a golden platter and a big red bow on your head. The king beckoned a hand to urge you to follow him to the inside of the building and use one of their ships to fly above the place to the white wolf’s location.
You were nervous. You didn’t sleep more than a couple of hours last night thinking about him and how he’d react to having back his tags since the forties. Your eyes were focused throughout the window on your left, watching different citizens taking care of animals and plantations, children running from one side to another, playing and having fun. Oblivious to the horror of New York, where you resided. One of the cities in the world with the highest rates of street violence. Serial killers or simply killers, rapists, kidnappers, drug dealers (...). It was a minefield and Wakanda seemed and felt like Heaven.
“Did you think about the offer?” Shuri nudged you to push you back to reality, turning your head towards her.
“Since you dropped it to me”.
“So?”
“I…” You needed to put away your gaze again, focusing on the blue opened sky in front of them. “I want… to consult him first if you don’t mind”.
“Of course, (Y/N)”.
“I don’t want to put his world upside down, now that he’s not the…” You couldn’t finish the sentence. You couldn’t pronounce that detestable nickname and the pain beneath it.
Shuri nodded in silence, not needing your explanations. She knew how you felt. She understood you. The talk didn’t continue, stretching your right hand on your lap to calm your nerves and make you comfortable with the situation. The flight didn’t last longer than five or ten minutes, losing the track of time deep in your thoughts. The pilot indicated to you through the headphones that you were about to land, glancing at a complex of small houses in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees and wilderness.
You were the last one jumping outside with your hand grabbing the tags on your chest, trying to find the encouragement there to follow T’Challa’s hand pointing at a man working with goats and collecting hay for them. Licking your lips and assenting with your chin, you guided your steps towards him. Slowly. As if you wanted to turn around at some point. But you knew it was too late when he was the one turning at the sound of your heavy boots cracking the grass under them.
Bucky didn’t look annoyed for your visit, nor the lack of attention to his petition. Although there was something in his pale blue orbs you weren’t able to decipher, until he bowed down his head unconsciously to his left shoulder covered by a dark fabric matching his eyes. You had to do your best to not roll yours, shortening the distance setting you apart. You had been dreaming about that encounter since the last time you were there before Shuri accessed the darkest place of his mind and cleaned it from any trail of HYDRA. Now, he was free. And he looked in good condition as the bags under his eyes had disappeared and his hair was almost tied with a bun. His cheeks seemed a little more chubby and you just wanted to pinch them. But it’d be weird and out of place. For the time being.
Bit by bit, a sweet smile widened in your lips, curving them as Bucky stared at you again when he was conscious that you didn’t care. With or without a metal arm, your feelings were exactly the same. You couldn’t admire him more than you were admiring him at this point. You couldn’t love him more than you loved him already. And God was a witness of how many times you practiced to confess to him and tell him that the only thing you wanted in life was to be by his side. Bring happiness to his days, bring him peace and harmony.
“I'm sorry…” “I brought you…”
You two spoke at the same time, breaking in a soft giggle that jumped your hearts in complete sync.
“You first”. He let you, waving his hand.
“I… brought you something”. You susurrated, loosening the grip around the metal hanging on your chest to take off the necklace.
You noticed the way his eyes widened in surprise and confusion. Why did you have them? Who gave them to you? Why now? Bucky gulped watching you stretching the dog tags between your fingers towards him. He didn’t know what to do, taking a second before he was able to react. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he saw them, and the amount of memories they gave him overwhelmed his whole brain.
In slow motion narrowing his eyes, Bucky held the chain with two fingers to hang the necklace from it. You thought he was about to wear them, but he destabilized you as he directed his hands to above your head, to place them where they were an instant before. You didn’t understand. Didn’t he want them back?
“I want you to keep it”.
“But…”
“I want you to have something mine”. Bucky recognized with a shy smile decorating his lips. “Those tags and my arm are the only things I have from my past. And… I won’t give you my arm…”
“Well, I bet it’d look good hanging from my neck”. You jocked tilting your head.
In his gift, you found the encouragement you needed to talk about T’Challa’s job offer. It wasn’t as if you were proposing to him, in the end, you were just friends even if it felt quite the opposite. You licked your upper lip, kissing your teeth after it, earning more than his attention.
“Shuri said, uh… I could come here, work with her. We’d do great things together, not only for Wakanda but for the world”.
Bucky’s gesture didn’t change a single inch, focused on the nervousness you were trying to hide from him and reading the reasons beneath.
“So T’Challa offered me to stay here”.
“Permanently?”
“Yeah… Permanently”. You assented pressing your lips, breathing through your nostrils.
“Did you accept?”
“Not yet. Not until talking to you about”.
He nodded then a couple of times, turning to the goats behind him coming closer. “Got to finish some stuff… Maybe we can talk later about it unless you have to leave”.
“No, no. I, uh… asked for the day off. Banner didn’t need me at the lab today”.
“Okay, good”.
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While the king was showing you the new level for research and investigations, Bucky took the advantage to go and find Shuri without your knowledge. He found her in the surroundings of the main building, working on your ship as you said it made some kind of random noise that put you out of your nerve during the flight.
“I need my arm”.
The princess squatted close to the left wing, turned at him without standing up. Pulling her sunglasses to the top of his head, she raised an eyebrow.
“For what”.
“You know for what”. He clicked his tongue, placing his hand on his left shoulder.
“No, I don’t”. She lied while cleaning the grass and oil in her expert fingers.
“I need to have two arms”.
“You’ve been working the last months with one arm only. Why do you need it now?”
“C’mon… Argh…” Bucky rubbed his face with boredom. “I want to hug her, okay? Can you just… give me back my damn arm?”
“Not enough reasons, you can hug her using your right”.
“I want to have two hands when I kiss her”. He finally confessed in a hiss, provoking a triumphant smile growing on Shuri’s lips.
“If you lie to me, if you don’t kiss her, Sergeant Barnes… I’ll code it to punch your face”.
“Wait…” Bucky wrinkled his nose drawing a horrified gesture on his face, as he turned his blue eyes towards his left shoulder. “Can you… do that?”
“Try me”.
No, of course she couldn’t, but he didn’t know. Which were a good push for him to not go against her and her petition.
“C’mon. I’ll set it up and help you to put it on”.
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Your eyes were traveling from one picture to another. He put some of them around his small house and it looked better now. More like a home. A place to stay. And for a second you felt a twinge straight in your heart when you noticed one photograph of the two of you, close to his bed. It was after your first mission together. Steve insisted on taking it, after noticing the sparkles between you. But you didn’t know he brought it to Wakanda with him, as your copy is on your nightstand too. And you used to fall asleep every night looking at it.
The curtain being moved and some steps in pulled you out from your thoughts, turning to find Bucky staring in silence at you. Your orbs landed on the metal arm. It was different too since the last time you saw it, with golden strips forming between the silver ones. You couldn’t help but sigh.
“You didn’t need to…”
“Yes, I did. I did need it”. He interrupted you, breathing through his parted lips and his heart about to fly off from his chest.
“Why?”
“Because, otherwise, I couldn’t do this”.
You were about to ask what he was referring to, watching him breaking the distance between the two of you in three fast strides. You closed your eyes at the moment his hands held your neck and Bucky slammed his lips on yours. The kiss, the contrast of cold and warmth on your skin, the everlasting longing for it to happen… All of this caused you to gasp, tangling the tunic at the height of his chest in your fists, not wanting him to take a step back. Your mouths fit perfectly without looking for it, made for each other, as he secured his fingers on the back of your neck. And you felt your knees weak when he pecked your lips one more time, before caressing your nose with his, not being able to open your eyes. Neither of you.
“I don’t have the right… to ask for anything”. He babbled. His insecurities coming afloat even if you hadn’t pushed him away. “But… I want you to stay here. With me. I… I don’t have much to offer you, but I promise to make you happy”.
At this point, your eyes were filled with tears, strongly closing your eyelids to not let them fall. You swallowed a sob, moving your hands from his chest to his middle back, embracing him tighter as you could.
“You’ve been making me happy since we met, Bucky”.
He chuckled breathless, intuiting he was too at the edge of his crying because of that affirmation.
“Every Tuesday, I wait at the stairs of my apartment for the mail, for your letters. I’ve… read them so many times I can recite them… by heart. Every word you've written to me”.
“I will continue writing them for you, even if you stay with me”.
Your voices were low, barely audible out of his place. Like secrets. Bucky kissed you again, bending enough to raise you by the back of your thighs and urge you to surround his waist with your legs. The dog tags on your chest clicked against the other, as you moved your arms to his shoulders and neck, and you were unable to stop kissing him. You two could die right now and not be bothered because you were finally together, and that was all you deserved in life.
“Tell me you will stay… please”. His beg brushed your lips, still pecking them between syllable and syllable.
“I will…” You replied without hesitating as you could, eager to correspond to every gesture from him. “I will stay with you”.
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miraculouscontent · 3 years ago
Note
After reading that, I think it's safe to say that Miraculous Ladybug is more of a horror/psychological thriller than romance/comedy. And now I want an AU where Marinette takes the earrings off and realizes that they're messing with head
Marinette felt strange, and after getting used to the feeling of being on the Startrain, she knew it wasn't the cause. She felt lighter - less restricted - somehow, and while a part of her had expected that due to handing off the ladybug miraculous, it wasn't in the way she'd expected.
Once she was done sending Alya all the Ladybug tips, Marinette had figured they'd start talking about Adrien or what their next scheme would be once she got back, but she ended up finding the idea tiring. It was odd in the way that finding something in her room just slightly out of place would be (at least before the kwami began living there).
Everything she'd thought she might feel - anxiety over what could go wrong while she was gone, concern over how the kwami were doing in her absence, and longing for who she'd pictured as the love of her life - wasn't there. It felt completely unlike her, just as it felt unlike Alya to not reply to her messages considering how much she liked to be on her phone.
Abandoning the idea of texting Alya for now, she closed their conversation and idly started browsing her phone. Even still, the weird feeling didn't cease and her hero senses were going off.
Something was wrong, or... maybe right? It wasn't as if she was feeling anything bad, but she felt entirely different than when she was in Paris. It was hard to get a gauge on exactly how she should take it.
Marinette glanced at her parents, catching herself frowning before they could glance back. She looked at her phone, acting like nothing was wrong and idly scrolling through her various apps so as to look busy. In the process, she stumbled upon her gallery, finding her mass of Adrien images inside. It took up a majority of her pictures, and she found herself blushing in embarrassment rather than fondness.
Did she really have this many normally? How much time had she taken getting them?
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, thrown off by just how different she felt. The reaction to seeing Adrien that she'd normally have where she'd lose all focus had virtually disappeared, and the only reason she'd missed it at all was because it gave her an absurd amount of mental clarity concerning how she'd be acting otherwise.
Clarity...
The word brought a particular face to her mind: pink lips, blue eyes, and black hair highlighted blue at the tips. Marinette ran her fingers through her own hair, ruffling it as she tried to piece out how she was feeling. All she knew was that - whatever it was - it was significant and she didn't have Tikki to vent to.
Though perhaps she wouldn’t had much to provide anyway.
A mix of trepidation and curiosity filling her. Switching away from her gallery, she went back to her conversations and pulled up her texts with Luka. Despite her confusion over whatever was happening to her at the moment, she managed a smile at Luka's contact image staring fondly at her.
After a moment of consideration, she typed out:
Hey. Sorry if you're busy. Thought we could talk?
That done, she navigated back to her gallery to look at all her Adrien pictures. She shifted in her seat again, as if it would change things or help her mind adjust to the unfamiliar sensation. It wasn't like looking at Adrien didn't make her feel anything at all, but that feeling could only be described as "normal," like the way she saw him before he'd given her that umbrella.
Before she officially became a ladybug holder who agreed to protect the people of Paris...
Her lips twitched in hesitant thought, her thumb brushing against her screen as she skimmed through the assortment of Adrien pictures. Her brain registered a feeling - or rather, lack thereof - and the foreign emotions encouraged her to act.
She tapped the garbage can icon experimentally, a notification popping up accordingly and asking her if she'd like to delete the picture. She brought the phone closer to her chest, like she felt she was doing something wrong, yet there was only a second of pause before she confirmed the decision.
She watched as Adrien disappeared, a message indicating that the picture had been trashed.
Marinette blinked at the message until it had timed out, bringing her back to the gallery. She was frozen in place, her fingers twitching against the side of the phone as she processed what she'd just done.
Then, she did it again. She tapped on another picture of Adrien, a weird mix of eagerness and interest urging her thumb along as she pressed the garbage can icon again, confirming the decision just as quickly.
Just before the image disappeared, a stray thought said aloud in her mind: black hair and blue eyes would've worked better for an outfit like that.
This time, her body finally moved, a shudder going up her spine as she took in a breath. Her eyes darted over to her parents, knowing how strange this must look to them, but they weren't watching her anyway, meaning the moment was kept firmly in her own personal bubble. It was so odd; normally, someone would've seen her acting off, or laughed and made muttering comments about it.
But nothing was happening, and she didn't know whether to question it or not.
Marinette glanced back at her phone, almost challenging herself as she started to run through the assorted Adrien pictures. She could've thrown them in the metaphorical bin all at once, but instead, she went one-by-one. She waited for something to break, either a sense of regret to settle in over the deletion or for her heart to start fawning over the face on screen, but neither happened.
She was in control, and it felt good. Really, really good.
Part of her felt like she was being ridiculous. The idea of getting some kind of emotional high out of deleting a few pictures sounded stupid, and yet she felt powerful. It was like a veil had been lifted and suddenly she had choices.
If her parents saw her visibly vibrating in her seat, she didn't hear them make mention of it.
The only thing that made her snap out of her rapid thumb movements was a text notification at the top of her screen, and only due to the flash of black, blue, and white. Her lips curved into a smile, originally being pressed together in focus, and she clicked to open her text messages with Luka.
Hey, Marinette. I'm not busy at all. What's up?
She felt warm, knowing that the guy who always made her feel comfortable and happy was on the other line. it was such a shame that they hadn't been able to work it out because of Adrien.
Marinette paused just as she went to reply, those thoughts catching up to her as she remembered that day with Luka underneath the bridge. She'd been so sure that she'd had to break up with him because of Adrien, but as she purposefully tried to recall the memory, something registered like a mental fog clearing in her mind.
Hadn't it actually been her responsibilities as Ladybug that had done it? In fact, that added up alongside all of the other memories of his akumatization; she hadn't been ditching him during their dates out of discomfort or her crush on Adrien, but because of akuma and sentimonsters.
How could she have forgotten? Or rather, how could she have remembered otherwise?
Marinette just barely managed to snap herself out of her trance, her phone having dimmed from inactivity and the sight of her furrowed brows and worried frown staring back at her from the blackened screen. She blinked rapidly, then shook her head to clear herself of the unnerving thoughts.
Lighting her phone back up, she hurriedly typed back as she realized she'd left Luka on read, trying to ignore the way her thumbs shook.
Nothing much.
She hesitated, already seeing him typing back. Guilt burrowed around in her stomach, knowing very well that it was not "nothing" but being unable to properly convey what was going on to him when she didn't even understand it herself.
She typed again, his own typing ceasing to let her add to her comment.
Actually, I've been thinking a bit lately. I'm going to be in London for a while and I'm on the train ride there right now. It's given me some time to myself and it's... weird.
I'm sorry, I know that doesn't make sense.
Even though he hadn't replied, she knew he was taking her seriously as he was typing back.
It makes sense. Background music doesn't work for everyone.
Marinette realized that her shoulders had been tense when they relaxed at his message. She pressed her lips together, feeling vaguely like she didn't deserve him and pushing down the thoughts just as quickly. He'd never approve of that kind of talk.
My head's just been a bit of a mess. Or... not a mess? Things were really foggy but I didn't realize that they were? It's like I'm thinking clearer but I don't know if I like everything that came with that.
What was the phrase? Ignorance is bliss? She had no idea where these changes were coming from, but something had indeed changed and she didn't know the significance of it. She was indeed happy that she felt so in control now over her thoughts on Adrien, but why now? What caused it, and what about her memories?
Would it go away?
Marinette shuddered at the idea, but tried to focus on her conversation with Luka. Having a crisis wasn't going to do her any good, and he was there with her, even if only through text.
I can't know what you're going through, but I think I get it.
-
You do?
-
Yeah. Do you remember my birthday, when everyone heard about my dad being Jagged Stone?
He already continued typing, so she just nodded even if he couldn't see it. She'd only been with Juleka when the reveal had happened, but she imagined it'd been just as much of a shock for her as it'd been for them. She couldn't even imagine when Luka could've learned about it.
Wait--no, she'd already known, actually, hadn't she? He'd been akumatized and had gone after Jagged, and she'd been there when he forced Jagged to tell him the truth about being his father.
Marinette winced at the filling of a gap in her memory that she hadn't realized had been there. Once again, she'd remembered something that she couldn't fathom having forgotten or misremembered, even with how spotty her memory could be under normal circumstances.
She turned towards the back of her seat and the window, trying to isolate herself so it felt like just her, her phone, and Luka. She desperately needed his texts as a distraction.
I'd wanted to know who my dad was for so long, but learning that it was my favorite musician all this time was a lot. I had to redo all the notes I’ve ever written about him, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it for a while.
He kept typing after that, and she merely stroked the side of the phone with her thumb as some form of support, even knowing that he couldn't know about it.
But I'm glad I knew in the end. He's doing his best to make up for all the lost time, and I don't have to go on never knowing what that song would've sounded like.
Their situations weren't exactly the same, but it was enough to reach her deep down. Whatever her situation was, if it really did mean something, she'd rather know it was there than go on never knowing. She hated the idea of being left in the dark, just as she hated being lied to.
As she took a calming breath, she found it in herself to type back.
I'm glad you know too. You deserve people who make you happy, Luka.
-
Thank you, Marinette. You do too, and I hope that whatever you're going through goes at least as well as it did for me.
-
Thanks.
She bit her lower lip at her reply, which felt clipped in tone even though she hadn't meant it that way. She just had too much on her mind and it was hard to think about what emotion was coming across when she was typing to him.
She tapped away at the on-screen keyboard, hopefully before he could think anything in particular about it.
Sorry.
Though she wanted to explain further, she wavered, her legs bending as she curled further in on herself. The conversation had already been so deep and she didn't want to make it worse.
But just as she debated on dismissing her feelings and insisting that he not worry about her, the memories that had been cleared up from before came back to her, reminding her of a warm hug on top of a bridge.
"When you're ready, I'll be here, Marinette."
She inhaled shakily, but steadied herself immediately afterwards, letting the warmth of the words calm her. Luka was there for her and she trusted him.
She was ready.
...I'm scared, Luka. I thought I had my clarity, but I don't. Something's wrong.
Then, almost on cue, the train screeched to a halt, jostling her out of her seat as the lights went off. The simultaneous sound of phones ringing followed soon after.
—————
Marinette held her breath, crouched down in the restroom while she listened closely for the sound of her parents' footsteps. Her throat let out a whine, but she managed to keep it silent enough to where she was sure that no one on the other side of the door would hear it. She'd have to leave eventually or risk being cornered, courtesy of the power being off and the restroom's lock being electronic, but she felt safe enough to pull out her phone.
She also set it on vibrate just in case.
There was a reasonable concern at first that Luka's texts would indicate that he'd fallen victim to the akuma, but what she found when she checked their conversation reassured her.
Marinette!
Is everything okay?
Did the akuma's power reach you? Did they call you too?
Marinette?
The panic in simple letters on a screen made her feel noticed and loved. Keeping enough of her focus on potential footsteps approaching outside the door, she typed out a reply:
Sorry. I had to run from my parents.
I'm okay. What about you?
-
You're alright. I'm so glad.
I'm okay too. I hid somewhere and I doubt anyone can find me.
-
That's good. Be careful.
-
You too.
She took another breath, certain she'd be captured soon if the akuma wasn't taken care of. The train was limited and there weren't many places to go, so unless she could find a blunt object to smash her parents' phones, she was at a loss.
Regardless, Luka was there, her phone vibrating as he added onto his previous text:
I know this isn't the time, and I hate that the akuma cut into the song we were writing, but I'm here for you, Marinette. Whatever's going on, I'll help you figure it out as long as you want me with you.
Her heart fluttered pleasantly, a pink blush even tinting her cheeks. She welcomed it, unlike the fear that'd come with the changed memories. Feeling the way she did for Luka was too natural to be afraid in any way.
Thank you, so much. You're the only one I could trust with something like this.
She meant it. She'd trusted Alya with her identity in a moment of weakness, and even passed the ladybug earrings to her, yet that somehow paled in comparison to the emotions she was choosing to share. Luka would take her seriously, she was sure, even if she came up with the craziest theory in the world for why her feelings and memories were the way they were. He wouldn't doubt her, or laugh, or dismiss her as "Marinette being Marinette."
And as she sat there, completely without a miraculous or any way to get back to Paris without help, she reached up with her free hand and tugged at her earlobe, processing what she could with the information she had as one such theory started to form in her head. The fear from before never quite went away, but the idea of figuring things out with Luka brought her a sense of comfort.
Though perhaps, when she got back to Paris, she would take back her miraculous with a sense of hesitance that she hadn't had before, and there would be some testing that followed after the fact, because there were two things she refused to give up from her experience on the train.
Her sense of freedom and choice, and the feelings for Luka that she can't believe she ever questioned.
Or, if her working theory was correct, that her miraculous had her question.
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diavolosthots · 4 years ago
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Felt like crying, so I came to you, my friend! Mc and Mammon went out shopping, specifically to buy gifts for his brothers, as an apology. When they get back home they are met with hostility. They berate Mammon until Mc screams at them to shut up, then rips into each of them for their treatment of Mammon. Then finishes with "Don't expect Mammon to stay here when he can live with me in the humanworld. I'm done with you. Mammon, lets go, you deserve better, love" and leaves w/ Mammon. Thank you!
You came to me because you felt like crying and that gives me two (2) things to think about. 1.) I'm apparently someone who people see as a tissue? 2.) My angst is just THAT good. Also! Apparently today is rain on Mammon day and I'm here for it not me avoiding my exam to write these things
Warning: uh.... Angst?
Soul-Searching (MAMMON X GN!READER ft. THE BROTHERS)
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“You know, I’m proud of you for suggesting this.” Truly, you were. Mammon was your favorite and you felt for him, but you also completely understood where his brothers came from. At first, it honestly annoyed you as well; the constant stealing, the lying… You tried blaming it on his avatar, but even then it doesn’t explain the lying that comes with it. However, you do realize that it’s a habit and it’s a habit that is hard to fix, so instead of constantly getting onto him like the rest, you tried to understand him a bit more and give him some life advice. So far, you have managed to get Mammon to give back all the things he has recently taken from his brothers, and some of them even got an apology. You’ll be working on how to properly apologize, though, because oof, that was a mess. 
And now? Now you managed to take a small trip with him downtown to at least attempt to make things better. Mammon is now, or at least today, using his own money to buy some things that his brothers would be fond of: a new vinyl player for Lucifer (non-cursed), a new Ruri-chan t-shirt for Leviathan, a neck pillow for Satan because lord knows he has some cramps back there with the way he leans over and down to read his books. Then some perfume for Asmodeus that he had been swooning about, a gift card to Beel’s favorite restaurant for the glutton, and a heated blanket for Belphie. You were proud, truly, that Mammon wanted to do this. As a matter of fact, he was the one who suggested it. “Maybe… uh.. I could… ya know… buy somethin’ they like” is what he said. You were just excited and agreed to help. 
Now you were going back to the house with a few shopping bags and ice cream almost fully eaten. You paid for the ice cream, as a way to reward Mammon, and you’re sure he’s secretly thanking you for that because some of these items truly did burn a hole into his credit card, which is partially his fault. “Lucifer deserves more than some random vinyl player.” his words, not yours. Also “satan needs one of them neck pillows that massage it, too!” again, his words. So yeah, some money was definitely spent on these items, but… once again, you were proud. “I think they’ll love everything, Mam. They’d be fools if they didn’t.” Hearing you say that made Mammon feel a lot better, honestly, and a small rush of confidence came to the surface “Ya betcha they will! Nothin’ but the best from the Great Mammon!” You just laughed. 
However, upon arrival, it was a different sight. As a matter of fact, you barely made it through the door before Beel was grumbling something about Mammon eating his custard, which is true, but it’s just a custard? “MAAMMMOONNN!!” and then there was Lucifer who appeared so fast you wondered if he was even real. He went on a whole rant about how irresponsible Mammon is and how another bill came in the mail that talks about Mammon’s debt. Satan and Belphegor teamed up to show empty hands, which left both you and Mammon confused, but then “do you see anything here? No? That’s because you sold our belongings, Mammon!” Mammon can be lucky that Leviathan was still holed up in his room because he just remembered that he also, at some point in the past, sold one of Levi’s figures. Asmodeus came last and honestly he wasn’t mad, he was just annoyed. “I saw you go through my things, Mammon. Nothing was taken, but it was still so incredibly rude!” 
Next followed a screaming match which was basically just Mammon trying to defend himself, trying to show the bags and apologize, but none of them would have it. It irritated you. Yes, they had every right to be mad because personal belongings should stay with their owner(s), but at the same time, they didn’t even give Mammon a chance to explain, especially after he’s been holding the bags up and attempting to apologize. “You’re so stupid, Mammon” “StupidMammon” “so irresponsible. You know better than that. Do you need another time out session, Mammon?” “I can’t believe you’d go through my stuff again!” by now your eyes were twitching and the voices echoing off the walls surely didn’t help your case. One more word and you’d snap, surely, especially since Mammon’s hand is now shaking and you grabbing it did nothing at all. “We would be better off without you.”
Ah yes, there it is. The final straw. The amount of anger boiling inside you right now isn’t even manageable anymore and you’re surprised that Satan, as the Avatar of Wrath, has yet to notice it. “Shut up! Shut up, Shut up, Shut up! All of you!” You yanked Mammon behind you, almost protectively and Belphegor found the need to laugh at it. “Really? You’re going to protect him?” Oh, there. That’s your first victim. “Are you really that dense, Belphegor, or is sleep still clouding your brain cells? That is your brother you’re currently making fun of and I don’t know about you, but I was taught that family sticks together, blood related or by choice. So how about you get your head out of dreamland, take this stupid heated blanket that he bought for you, as an apology, and wake up for a second.” yes, you did throw the bag at him and then you pointed your finger at Beel. You’d regret later on that you’re tearing into him as well because Beel means well at the end of the day, but still, he was also part of this. 
“You’re my least worry, Beel. Honestly you’re too caught up in your burgers and brawns to care for a second that your brother tries very hard to be liked by all of you. Sad, really.” you threw the card at him too. As a matter of fact, you threw all of the bags right in front of them. “And then Asmo.. oh my God, first of all, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Shocker, I know. If you were half as empathetic toward your family as you are obsessed with yourself, maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to always go party and drink your life away. Oh, I’m sorry, did that hit just a little too hard? Can’t be harder than the hangovers you wake up with on a regular basis.” You glared at him before turning your attention to Satan. “Honestly, if you weren’t such a baby inside I may actually be scared of you. You always complain about how stupid he is, how he needs to just learn, but you? What do you do all day? You hole yourself up in your room and read about worlds that you wish you could enter. News flash: you’d die before you had the chance to say hello. People don’t like self-proclaimed assholes. Mammon IS smart. He’s very talented, too, but you’re too far up in Shakespeare’s ass that you fail to realize that everyone has knowledge in different fields of life. Give me a break.” 
Satan was about to retort but you already moved on to Levi. “and you! Let’s be honest, if it weren’t for you wallowing in self-pity and fake depression, you would have absolutely no personality traits. What are you again? The Avatar of Envy? How about instead of being envious of others’ accomplishments, you actually start working on yourself. It’s truly pathetic that a couple millenia old demon’s only purpose in life is ramen and self inflicted emotional pain. Seriously, what are you? A pitiful loner? I can’t even begin to empathize with you in any way, shape, or form.” Your blood was boiling right now and maybe if they hadn’t attacked Mammon like they did, you would’ve felt bad about Levi’s sad face right now, but there was still one person left to deal with.”
“And you… beautiful, responsible, way-too-good-for-you older brother, Lucifer.” He’s been glaring at you this whole time, arms crossed over his chest but you stood your ground. You’re not quite sure how you managed, but you did. “You call yourself the best, the most responsible. You constantly say this family would fall apart without you, but that’s not it, is it? I think you’re just lonely. You force these six to be by you, to respect you and borderline worship you. Not because you deserve it…” you chuckled, shaking your head, “no. You’re just so sad that Daddy and Michael left you, mocked you, that you turned your sadness into anger and took it out on these six, but especially Mammon. Why? Because you see yourself in him. You call him your favorite brother, but it’s not because he actually is… he just reminds you of everything you used to be: fun, reckless, and feeling. Now you’re just cold, mean, and bitter. Don’t bother calling yourself the mighty first because without him you would be neither. Maybe if you pulled that stick out of your arse and actually tried to get to know your brothers, maybe you wouldn’t be so lonely all the time. Family, right? That’s what you want. How about you start acting like one.” 
You shook your head after that, grabbing Mammon’s hand and kicking the bags in front of you before dragging Mammon back out the door. “Those are for you, by the way. Not that you deserve them, but they’re Mammon’s way of apologizing for all the things you accused him of the minute he set foot into the house. Have fun. We’re going to the castle and, if we’re lucky, to a real home.” 
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bonkie-barnes · 3 years ago
Text
Spoons
natasha romanoff x gn!reader
word count: 2.1k
warnings: chronic illness, mention of medicine, self deprecating thoughts
A/N: this is me 1000% projecting about my guilt that comes with my chronic illnesses. they're kicking my ass rn. this is a vent fic, but if you resonate with this at all, i hope you enjoy :)
- - -
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The alarm clock on Natasha’s bedside table has been going off for a full minute already. You merely roll over and cover your head with Natasha’s pillow. It smells like her.
You have absolutely no energy to get up, let alone reach across the bed to turn the alarm off. Your head feels heavy and your body aches something terrible.
The list of chores you have to do around the house today sits uncomfortably in the back of your mind. The list of friends who have texted you about making plans to hang out sits there too. The idea of staying in bed all day sounds more and more appealing by the second. You know this because the alarm is still blaring into the otherwise peaceful morning air.
Just as you’re gathering the strength to sit up and turn the alarm off, Natasha walks in. She looks at her watch and her brow furrows in confusion.
“What are you doing, sleepyhead?” she asks you with a little smirk. There is concern in her eyes, though she masks it well.
You’re both fully aware the alarm has been going off for seven minutes straight now.
“Just tired, love. You know how much work it takes to reach over,” you say in a joking manner, hopeful that you can get past this without worrying her too much.
Natasha eyes you suspiciously for a second before giving in.
“How was your workout?” you ask her sincerely.
As she starts rambling about her morning activities, you feel a sense of shame. You’ve barely managed to wake up in the time it’s taken her to complete a full workout routine. Hell, you couldn’t even find it in you to turn the alarm off.
You finally focus on her rant as it comes to an end. Natasha is looking at you expectantly. Shit. She’s asked you a question.
“Huh?��� you grunt.
She chuckles before answering, “I asked if you were ever going to get up and get in the shower, stinky.”
You put on a fake smile but fail to meet her eyes, the shame eating you up. It has been a few days since your last shower, but it’s just so hard to find the strength and energy to get up and stand in one place for more than a minute or two.
If Natasha notices the far away look in your eyes and the grimace on your mouth, she doesn’t say anything.
After one of the quickest and most unproductive showers you’ve ever taken, you find Natasha waiting for you in the kitchen. She’s taken it upon herself to make breakfast for you both.
You kiss her cheek and thank her as you sit down at the table. The warm cup of coffee she sets down in front of you is a godsend. The warmth emitting from the cup helps to diminish the pain in your knuckles, if only slightly. You send up a silent prayer to whomever might be listening that the caffeine will help with the fatigue today instead of making you sick.
Natasha sits down in the chair next to you with her own plate. She runs her eyes over you in a scrutinizing manner. She wants to think you don’t notice, but you do.
Clearing your throat in hopes to take her focus off you, you ask about her plans for the day.
“Oh, you know, mostly just busy work. I have a ton of paperwork to get through,” she tells you through an exaggerated sigh. “What about you?”
The list of chores screams at you again. “Mostly just some things around the house. Grocery shopping, laundry, boring shit like that.”
Natasha hums around a sip of her coffee. It surprised you just how much cream and sugar she takes in hers. It’s just one of the many unpredictable things about her that made you fall in love.
“Super exciting. I hate to miss out,” she teases you.
You crack a smile to appease her. Inside, though, you realize just how little she understands. These errands seem so simple to her, when to you, they are the most daunting of tasks.
You’re brought out of your thoughts by Natasha standing up to take her plate to the sink. She comes back to kiss your cheek and let you know she’s going to go get ready, before walking out of the room.
You suspect the amount of housework you’ll get done today will be minimal, so you decide to at least make Natasha some lunch. Maybe it will lessen the disappointment she feels when she comes home to see everything exactly as it was when she left, you think.
Your plan is halted as you’re making her sandwich. The stupid cover on the peanut butter jar is stuck. You can’t open it for the life of you. The guilt comes in like a tidal wave. You can’t even do something as simple as make lunch for her, your brain supplies for you.
Natasha returns from getting ready to see you standing in the kitchen with a glare on your tired face.
“What’d the peanut butter do to you this time,” she jokes.
“I can’t.” Tears well up in your eyes.
She comes up to wrap you in a hug from behind. She softly asks, “What can’t you do?”
“I can’t open the jar,” you mutter softly, feeling overwhelmingly embarrassed.
“It’s okay, love. Let me help,” she tells you delicately before kissing the spot under your ear. She can tell this is affecting you more than usual and wishes for nothing more than to be able to take away your distress.
You mutter a thank you before continuing to make her sandwich. You pack everything into a bag and write a small note to finish it off. You know Natasha loves the little messages you leave her periodically, and nothing will stop you from trying to make her as happy as you can.
Goodbyes are said as you both wander closer to the door. Natasha makes sure to hold you longer and tighter than usual. You don’t comment on that.
The silence that encompasses the room as soon as the love of your life leaves is suffocating. You can feel the exhaustion from purely getting up and getting ready creeping up on you. Logically, you know that you shouldn’t overexert yourself, but the shame is eating you up. Already on a roll, might as well keep on going, you think to yourself.
You go back to your mental to-do list and debate what to start with. The grocery store doesn’t sound terrible. Some sun would do you some good. It’s been a few days since you’ve seen the world that exists outside of your house.
Wandering back to the bedroom to get your phone and shoes, you try to push the fatigue from your mind. In your attempt to block out the tiredness, you fail to recognize the ever-present pain in your joints increasing. It’s only when you sit down and bend over to put your shoes on that you register the feeling. Your hips ache severely; so much so, that you can’t hold your position long enough to get your shoe on your foot.
This seems to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, seeing as you immediately burst into tears. The pain mixed with your inability to do basic, everyday activities completely overwhelms you as you break down.
There’s absolutely no chance that you’re going to complete this task, let alone all the other ones on your list. You let out a sigh as you stand up and shuffle to your room, phone and shoes forgotten in the living room.
You let the weight of your emotions crush you as you climb into bed and under the covers, your wife’s pillow clutched closely to your chest.
Your tears cease to stop, even as you succumb to the sleep you so desperately wished to hold onto this morning.
- - -
Natasha comes home to an eerily silent house. On any typical day, she would come home to the noise of your favorite show or music softly playing, whether it be from a speaker or from your guitar. Your shared house consistently was filled with life and sound. It was one of her favorite parts of her day; coming home to you in your own element, laughing or singing. You are her home.
This newfound silence has her exceptionally worried. Even on your bad days, there was at least a laugh track coming from the TV or the smell of hot chocolate coming from the kitchen. Now, there’s absolutely nothing. For a split second, Natasha thinks that you may never have come back from the grocery. Her heart rate spikes. The sight of your phone on the coffee table and your shoes strewn haphazardly on the floor puts those worries to rest.
“Darling?” she calls from the entryway. There is no response. She carefully removes her boots and coat before moving through every room in the house, calling out for you softly in each.
She makes her way to the bedroom, lightly knocking on the door as she lets herself in. She sees the rise and fall of your chest and is filled with a sense of relief she didn't know she needed.
"Love? Are you awake?"
You grumble out an answer that could be understood as a 'yes'.
Natasha carefully sits down on the side of the bed that you are facing.
"Can you tell me what's going on?" she requests softly, in fear of upsetting the quiet environment of the bedroom and making things worse.
The tears that started up again when you wife called out the first time get even heavier somehow.
"Oh love, come here."
She carefully gathers you in her arms and rests your head on her chest.
"Does this have anything to do with the peanut butter jar this morning?"
You nod. One of your favorite things about your wife is her ability to observe and understand what you're going through.
"I just can't do anything today. Everything hurts and I'm so, so tired," you whisper, followed by a heartbreaking sob.
"It's okay love. Please don't cry," Natasha whispers back.
"But it's not! It's not okay!" You sit up from her chest to let out your rant. "You've done so much today and I could barely wake up. You work so hard and I should be able to do stuff around the house so you can come home and not have to worry about anything," you finish with a sigh.
Your wife puts her hand under your chin, forcing you to look in her direction. "Love, look at me. Believe me when I say that I don't care about the state of the laundry or if the pantry has been stocked. All I care about is you. All I want is for you to be okay. It's killing me that you feel like this and I can't do anything to take it away from you. What I can do, though, is tell you just how proud I am of you. You are the strongest person I know, and I work with the Avengers."
You giggled at that. Natasha smiles at your small second of happiness.
"Are you sure? Because I was going to get so much done today and I was trying to-"
Natasha cuts you off with a soft kiss.
"My love. Listen to me. All I care about is your health and happiness. If staying in bed and catching up on sleep is what you needed today, then that's all I expect from you. I never want you to hurt yourself trying to do more than you can. We all have limits. It’s okay to need a break some days. I love you and I am so very, very proud of you."
With a long look into her eyes, all you find is love and adoration directed towards you. There's no disgust or disappointment as you had anticipated.
"I love you too," you utter quietly.
Natasha smiles and leaves a long kiss on your forehead. "What if we got some pain killers and some food in you? We can even put on your favorite movie. Does that sound good?"
You nod. Natasha gets up to get you some medicine and to order some food, while you get your favorite movie loaded on the TV.
Later that night, when both your stomachs are full and your wife is obnoxiously singing along to the songs in the movie just to make you laugh, you realize just how loved you are.
You don't know how tomorrow will treat you, or the day after that. What you do know, however, is that Natasha will always be there to support and love you. Your pain level and ability to function is always an uncertainty, but your wife's love will never be.
- - -
A/N: as always, i try to keep it gender neutral. if you find a mistake, please let me know! feedback is appreciated! to all my chronic illness buddies out there: i love you, you've got this :)
taglist: @007giu
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dibbiedabbiedoobie · 3 years ago
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Cage
Another voretober prompt! Cage, this time. Do not look at me for the fandom, I also have a Pri/de & Pre/jud/ice fic laying around somewhere. Vore brain never stops, not even for classic literature. I also did try to imitate the style a little but like... i am Bad at That lmao
Word Count: 1882 Fandom: The Gre/at Gat/sby Tags: safe vore, soft vore, unwilling prey, fearplay, fatal vore (implied, past) Summary: Nick is a tiny caught and conditioned to eventually become a pliant meal. Gatsby is the giant who steals him.
Shivering, I curl inwards on myself, trying to burrow deeper into my thin, raggedy shirt. It's terribly cold in Tom's cellar now that winter has set, and the metal flooring of my cage only saps at what little warmth I have left. I crouch on my toes, trying to limit contact, but it helps little. Really, all it does is upset my ribs, which are still bruised from yesterday's "training," as Tom calls it. In actuality, it's more akin to torture. At the slightest fault -- or even lack thereof -- he likes to squeeze me until my bones feel as though they're about to snap. It's most common for him to simply take me around the chest and crack a few ribs, but he's also narrowly avoided breaking my limbs and skull. He likes to drop me, too. Never from too high, lest he lose his toy, but enough to hurt and leave me winded. My body is splattered with bruises of various colors, like a macabre sort of painting. I wish I had someone to gripe with, to share complaints and comforts, but I'm the only one left. There were twelve of us, but Tom gobbled them up as it suited his fancy, forcing me to listen as they were slowly digested alive. Those muffled screams haunt my sleep, sometimes wake me up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. I know I'll be next, soon. As much as I seem to be Tom's favorite, I'm still only a snack to him. The thought makes me equal parts terrified and relieved; God knows I don't want to die, but at least I'll be free from the bruises, beatings, and constant anxiety. My heart leaps into my chest as the cellar door creeks open, though my body is too sore to jump. A man appears, tall and broad and clean-shaven, with short-clipped blond hair. He wears a sweater vest over a collared shirt, and neat black slacks; if he weren't about to kill me, I'd call him handsome. As it is, I whimper softly and press as far away from the cage door as I can manage. Though I know my death is inevitable, I still don't wish it to come now. Surprisingly, he falters, almost as if my own shock put him off. His face softens, and he whispers a mournful, "Oh, poor thing..." I remain pressed against the back of my cage, mindful not to ever meet his eyes (a staple of Tom's training). His voice sounds so sad, and it thoroughly confuses me. Perhaps he's upset I clearly can't put up the sort of fight he wants? Or because I don't have enough meat to be as filling a snack as he would like? He bends down to get a better look at me, and I can't help but feel like a mouse under a cat's scrutinizing eye. Trapped, waiting to see if their captor is hungry enough for this particular meal. "Jay! Where'd you go?" Tom's muffled voice calls from above, startling the man. The giant -- Jay -- bites his lip, then flips open the lock to my cage. "Sorry about this, old sport." Immediately, I grab a hold of the bars -- for as much as this place has represented captivity, it's represented safety, too. Here, I wasn't hurt or squeezed or threatened. As awful as it was, cold and uncomfortable and dark, it was safe. More safe than the hands of a giant could ever hope to be. Jay... hesitates before reaching for me. I don't understand that either, though I suppose it doesn't matter much; he's still planning to eat me, and no amount of pity will stop his stomach acids. With terrifying ease, he plucks me away and lifts me aloft. His fingers are almost too hot against my frigid skin, and I can't help a sharp yelp. "You're so cold, old sport," murmurs Jay, yet again mournful. "I'll have that fixed up in a jiffy. Just relax, alright? Trust me." He opens his maw wide, too-sharp teeth gleaming in the dim lights. He starts to lower me inside, and suddenly I find my voice. "S-Stop!" I cry, beginning to wriggle for all I'm worth. "Please! No! Let me go, please!" Of course, it does nothing to stop the giant from pushing my body onto his tongue. My heart feels like it's somehow going even faster, and I keep squirming, though to no avail. Something raw and pained bubbles in my throat, until a scream comes out. What little light there is begins to dim, and I realize he's closing his mouth, Try as I might, though, I can't get the traction on his tongue to wrench myself free, not before I'm locked in the dark behind a wall of teeth. Jay ignores me, instead tossing me about and slathering me in spit. His tongue is probing, thorough with its work, making me squirm and fight against it. He spends far less time than I expect enjoying me, though; too soon, gravity tips, and a thick glk! drags me into the hot and tight of his throat. The powerful muscles squeeze my body, press in on my chest and make it near impossible to breathe, let alone squirm. I can feel myself growing light-headed, though I suppose that's for the best, given that I'm already going to suffocate. Unfortunately, I'm still conscious when I finally squeeze into Jay's stomach. For a long moment, I simply sit, let the dizziness fade. Then, I simply sit, let reality sink in. I'm going to die here. Soon enough, acids will pour from the walls, the air will thin, and I'll die. If I still had tears left, I might cry. Instead, I pull myself into a ball and wait; there's no point squirming, not anymore. The flesh around me groans, briefly squeezing me tighter than my already snug confines before relaxing. It's already trying to digest me, I belatedly realize. And yet, it never manages to get further. The acids never come, and there's little the churning can do to break down something not already acid-softened. The air, stale though it may be, remains breathable, somehow. Frankly, I don't understand it. Why would Jay eat me, but not digest me? Was it even intentional? What is he going to do with me once he realizes I'm not turning into mush like I should be? I can hear him talking to someone, presumably Tom. He seems in a hurry to leave, no doubt because he indulged himself in the last of the other giant's stock. Perhaps in a rush to get home, take whatever medicines he needs to kick his digestion into gear. I relax, just enough to settle. There's no point in remaining stiff; I'm helpless, and we both know it. The least I can hope for is death to be swift when it comes. I find myself looking around, feeling the walls, though I know there's not really much to find. It's as dark and cramped as I'd imagined a stomach to be, though much, much softer, almost like a hammock made of plush pillows. Saliva, or whatever the fluid around me happens to be, covers every inch, including myself. It's warm as well, warm enough that it feels like a blanket rather than just the air. It's... comfortable, I realize. Far more comfortable than I think an organ meant to process food has any right to be. I startle as something presses against my side and someone rumbles, "Are you alright, old sport?" I blink. Surely, he isn't talking to me. "Old sport?" Jay tries again, and the pressure returns, probing (I realize then that it's his hand). "I promise I'm not going to hurt you. I only want to make sure that you're alright. Hesitantly, I push my hand against one of the fleshy walls. I'm not certain what he wants from me, but he hasn't killed me yet. It would probably be in my best interests to let him know I'm alive. "Oh! There you are!" His voice brightens, though it remains soft enough that it doesn't hurt my ears. "Are you alright?" It takes a moment to find my voice. "I... I think so..." Jay's acknowledgement comes in the form of a gentle pet against my side. "I'm ever so sorry for scaring you like that, old sport. If I'd had the chance, I would've told you that you'd be safe." "Safe?" I murmur, in spite of the fact that it's long since been clear that I won't be harmed. All the same, it's difficult to believe that was intentional. "Of course, dear boy, perfectly safe. Tom had bragged about catching a few humans, so I popped down to help while he was distracted." Jay's voice goes quieter, solemn. "...Sorry I couldn't have gotten there earlier." I whine softly, mourning the loss of people I never really knew. Distant they might have been, none of them deserved to die, and much less is such an awful, painful way. "I can't let you out quite yet," Jay continues, "but I promise I will as soon as I'm home. It's not safe for you to be outside right now, not with hungry giants with intentions far less pure than mine." "What are your intentions?" I ask before I can stop myself. I still don't know why Jay seems intent on keeping me safe. Am I a pet? A snack of sorts? He went through an awful lot of trouble for me, and it makes no sense. "To give you a home, old sport," answers Jay without missing a beat. "You're just as much a sentient creature as I am, and you deserve more than to be murdered in cold blood." "Oh." Jay chuffs sadly. "I bet you expected to be a pet, didn't you? ...It's not an unfair assumption, I suppose, given your experiences. But I said I'd keep you safe, and part of that is making sure you're healthy, mentally as well as physically. Perhaps it's just me, but the idea of being owned does little to calm my mind, even if by someone benevolent." I bite my lip, hesitant. "...Really?" "I promise." Something in my chest does a little flip. The prospect of somewhere safe to stay, where I don't have to constantly watch for hungry giants or have to struggle to find food and water is so tempting.... and if Jay had meant ill, I wouldn't be alive right now. But still.... "Will I be able to leave?" I ask. "Of course. Like I said, you aren't a pet. And you don't have to stay now if you don't want to. I only ask that you take some time to recover before you leave, for your own safety." I stare into the darkness. Such open, unadulterated generosity is strange to me. Other borrowers were constantly competing; there was no such thing as sharing, there. To have it from a giant is even more unnerving. Yet here I sit, nestled whole, safe, and alive in his stomach. I should be long dead, but Jay has been nothing short of hospitable. If it's a ruse, it's one I can't see through or bring myself to mistrust. "I'll stay with you, if you don't mind." Jay gives my side a stroke. "You won't regret it, old sport. I promise."
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tendouluvr · 4 years ago
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aizawa calling you clingy - gn reader
- [attempt at] angst to fluff
- warnings: being called clingy, aizawa gets annoyed with reader and berates them, one use of the word ‘shit’
- wc: 1.9k
a/n: this wasnt......as sad as i wanted... i cant tell if im just not so good at writing angst or immune to it T_T
once again, not edited!
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#! aizawa!!!! eee
#! hes a levelheaded man so arguments are rare
#! u both trust one another so theres no reason to have doubts in ur relationship
#! being his s/o, he tells u things thats not so easy to tell others over time, and you’re patient enough to let him take however much time he needs to let u in
#! however, years of keeping to himself most of the time doesnt just disappear even if you’re his s/o
#! so aizawa does have this tendency to close off and distance himself from u bc of his stress and insecurities
walking through the spacious halls of ua, you were headed towards your lovely boyfriend. aizawas been pretty busy lately with teaching his class, making sure no one is being left behind progress wise, doing his job as a pro-hero, and then spending his free time training with shinsou.
you knew showing up at school unexpectedly was something aizawa found irky, that’s why you made sure to tell him the night before that you would be coming during lunch time to bring him some yummy homemade food.
humming softly to yourself, you finally reached the door opening to class 1-A and walked in. the classroom was empty, but there at the front was no one other than mr. aizawa shouta. you quickly greeted him with a smile and he turned to look at you.
“what are you doing here?” he slowly asked with a look of confusion.
“i brought you some food! did you eat yet? i hope not, i made-,” you quickly stopped talking once you noticed the look he was giving you.
“why are you here? i already told you, you shouldnt be showing up without letting me know first. our relationship is quiet, if the students see they’ll get noisy and ask questions, i’ll get bombarded by my colleagues, and it’ll put you in danger if words get out. did anyone see you coming here? can you listen to me for once instead of continuing to always be near me? you’re so damn clingy and need to start thinking about the consequences your action will bring. i already ate, just go home before anything happens.”
your jaw dropped a little after hearing what he just said to you. did he not remember what you told him last night?
worst of all, you couldnt believe he just called you clingy. you just wanted to do something nice for him by making his favorite food hoping that it’ll relieve some of the stress thats been building up, but he just thought of you as clingy.
fine, if clingy is what you are then you’ll stop bothering him. you quickly whispered an apology, not sure if he could hear or not, and began making your way back home as fast as possible. the food you made for him was still tightly grasped in your hand.
due to the new dormitories, aizawa stays at ua majority of the time. he comes home to your shared apartment whenever he can to spend time with you. unfortunately, those time aren’t usually much because as soon as he’s free, he’s quick to do something else.
once you’ve made it home, you packed the food away and put it in the fridge. you felt your phone buzzing repeatedly, already guessing who it could possibly be, you took it out to see it was your boyfriend.
shou <3: im sorry
shou <3: honey, im so sorry. pls text me back when u can
shou <3: i know what i said hurted u, but i promise u i dont mean it. pls just call me or text me so we can talk about this
shou <3: i have to go back now. but i love u. so much.
staring at your screen, you contemplated texting him back.
letting out a sigh, you decided not to.
putting your phone to the side, you walked to the bedroom and changed out of your clothes into the comfy pjs you were wearing right before you left.
seeing that there was nothing for you to do other than wallow in your insecurities and let out a few tears, you got into bed and made yourself comfortable for an afternoon nap.
aizawa on the other hand was at school and distracted. his own words kept replaying over and over in his head and all he wants to do is smack himself a few times (after comforting u ofc).
his students could tell he was in a badder mood than usual so they collectively agreed to not worsen it (one particular student does not care. can u guess?). aizawa just wanted the day to pass so he can apologize to you directly and make it up with some cuddling.
despite being distracted with planning his apology and thinking about you, he was still teaching as he should and constantly telling his students to be quiet because he’s intimidating like that.
a few hours passed, the students are back in their dorms and some of the teachers are still in school finishing up some work. the hallways were empty and silent, and the weather outside was nice and calm - not too sunny with just the right amount of wind.
however, if you were to peek your head inside of class 1-A at the moment, the environment is an exact 180. aizawa is quickly trying to grade the remaining stack of papers he has on his desk so he can leave as soon as he can. there’s papers everywhere, he’s not so sure where the answer key went off to but to hell with the answer key. he just needs to go home.
his hair is messily tied up and his lips have probably been gnawed off by now. as soon as school ended, he got out his phone to see if you replied and sadly you didn’t. he doesn’t blame you though, considering all of the shit he said to you earlier. 
finally writing down the fat score in red pen onto the final paper, he gathers everything and put to the side of his desk and packed up his stuff. his stuff being his yellow sleeping bag and that’s it.
he went to his room first to clean himself up a bit, and then grabbed a taxi to go to your shared apartment. arriving at the front door, he takes out his copy of the key and entered.
first thing he noticed while entering and taking off his shoes was that the apartment was dark and quiet. he made his way to the kitchen first and turned on its lights to check the fridge. in the fridge laid the food you made for him earlier today. he took it out to start heating it up in the microwave then he walks away from the food and to your bedroom.
quietly opening the door, he poked his head in to see you laying on your side with your back facing the door. he assumed you were asleep and gently closed the door to not wake you up. he made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. 
you, feeling the bed dip, slowly opened your eyes to be greeted with the sight of your boyfriend gingerly brushing his fingertips across your cheekbones. he notices that you’re awake and looks up to meet your eyes.
making eye contact with him, you quietly grunted and brought the blanket up to cover your face while turning your entire body to the other side to ignore him. aizawa sighed and brought his hand down to rest on your waist as he begins talking.
“yn... i know you’re.. mad at me for the things i said to you earlier, but i’m truly sorry. i know saying i didn’t mean it isn’t good enough for you to forgive me, but i want you to know i’m really really sorry. i’ve been so busy for the past few days, my head is all over the place, seeing you at school just got me overthinking and worried that i ended up saying things about you that’s not true at all. i love you so much, hun. you’re the best thing to happen to me. you don’t have to forgive me now, i understand if you want some space.”
it was silent for some time after he finished his apology. the echoing silence was slowly making aizawa worried that you’ll leave him, but he won’t tell you that. thinking that you wanted space, he lifted his shaky hand off of your waist and moved to get off of the bed when you suddenly grabbed onto his hand to keep him there.
“i...i told you the day before that i was going to be visiting you during lunch time. did you not remember? or even hear me tell you?”
aizawa situated himself back down onto the bed before replying. “if i’m being honest, i don’t really remember much of that day at all. my brain was occupied with work and rest, so i was practically drained by the end of the night. i’m sorry i took it out on you, it’s my fault for overworking when i know you’ve been trying to help.”
letting out a soft sigh, you turned your body back towards him. still holding onto his hand, you carefully slotted your fingers in between his and pulled him down to lay with you. he immediately found comfort in this and placed his head into your neck. you could feel his facial hair against your skin making you let out a quiet giggle.
“i love you. i know you have a habit to overwork since that’s all you did before we dated, but please shou, take care of yourself. im not talking physically, cuz you’re already so damn fine, but mentally. i hate seeing you bury yourself in work and training that it even makes me tired just watching you.”
he grumbled something against your neck - his usual reaction to you complimenting him - and held onto you tighter while putting light kisses on your collarbone.
“i know. i will. please bear with me, i know i’m a pain but i’ll always try to be my best for you. i’m never letting you go, love you too much for that.”
“hmm? who said i’m going? you’re stuck with me forever just so you know,” you laughed and patted his head before rising from the bed.
“i heard you heating up the food earlier. get up and come eat,” you tugged aizawa to get him off the bed.
he grumbled once again because he was being forced to leave the warm comfort of your shared bed, but followed you out anyway holding onto your hand.
“wait. you heard me entering? so you were pretending to sleep when i got here?! not funny, babe. not funny. -also don’t take sleep for granted. i did and look where that got me. stop laughing!”
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bonus:
it was the next day and aizawa just finished passing out the grades he rushed grading yesterday. even though it was rushed, he was confident that there wasn’t any mistakes-
“aizawa sensei, you marked this question wrong when it’s right. this one too. and this other one on the last page. are you trying to fail me?!” denki dramatically wailed as he showed aizawa his papers.
guess he did make mistakes after all.
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madametrashbin · 3 years ago
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Wishful Dreaming
In which I pretend Part 3 of Inazuma’s story doesn’t exist and everyone is alive before shit goes down. Yes, people who read this, it’s time for best friend headcanons/drabbles/whatever the hell this is with Teppei. Honestly, it’s just no thoughts head empty right now and I might have gone off tangent a lot.
(And by a lot, I mean the majority of this piece, probably... by the way, credits to @streimiv and @myuni-moon for making my brain be hyper focused on Self Aware Cult Genshin... I can’t get it out of my head as of right now.)
Enjoy, even if it’s never going to be beta-read by anyone and I will never go back to edit this even if I find mistakes in this later on... and I also don’t know where my brain went for this, but what’s done is done. 
I’m not even sure if I did his personality correctly, ahaha...  (;^ω^)
(I’m going to project my denial in this, so please know it might be wince inducing and incredibly self-indulgent.)
The sun is bright at this time of day, the gentle breeze flowing through the tranquil lands of Inazuma, leaving those who are experiencing the nice morning in a blissful escape from its current reality. 
...much like a young foreigner who had left their current abode, leaving behind a note for their caretakers to see as they wander around the land of Eternity for some true fresh air and peace of mind away from the group that had more or less made their life a little too suffocating as of late.
It is also incredibly lonely in there, as they come to understand that no one (for the most part) look at them like they were a regular human... like they were them.
So they now wander, taking in the rarity of solitude that does not come as easily as one might think. Inazuma is beautiful, even if they know that the peace they see around these parts are but a veil that shields the horrible reality going on around them.
(They know what was happening outside the city, outside the teapot they were living in since they were brought here. They’ve experienced it happening before, many times in fact. They know what will happen, and they’re determined to change it. They just need to find a certain someone, and then they’re set.)
Meeting Teppei was something you didn’t really expect all that much, considering you knew he should be still a part of the logistic division of the Resistance Army and would be busy in their current base that was all the way to Yashiori Island.
Yet by sheer luck, or by fate, you meet the good fellow on Narukami Island and had managed to make a pretty good friendship with him over the course of coincidental meetings.
You’ve come to learn a few things about the young man, and it was that he was a pretty trusting guy, didn’t even think twice of being friends with you... which was a little worrisome, considering what happened in the actual storyline.
That’s okay though, you’ll make nothing happens to him... he is one of your only true friends in this world, after all.
“Teppei.”
They call to him as the Resistance Samurai turned his head away from the sight of the Tenshukaku to them.
“Is there anything you wish for? I mean, if you could have one wish granted, anything you want, what would it be?”
The young man looked rather confused at them, before they briefly clarified that they were just curious. As much as they enjoy the peacefulness of silence, they wanted to know what he really wanted... wondering if he really wanted a Vision, for the acknowledgement of the Gods.
“What would I wish for...”
The young man was quiet for a while, no doubt mulling it over before smiling when he comes to an answer, his head lifting to look at the glimmering stars.
“I would wish for the war to end... for the Sakoku Decree and Vision Hunt Decree to be abolished so people won’t have to suffer anymore.”
“Really? Not a Vision, or something like that?”
“Well, having a Vision would be nice, but thinking about it... I think it’s better if everyone is happy. A lot of people are suffering, and even if I did get a Vision, it’s still pretty difficult to win the war against the Shogunate.”
They could only hum quietly in understanding after that, not really certain what else to ask him before he gives them the same question. 
What do they wish for?
To go home. They would have said, but they chose not to because they knew there was probably little chance for them to be allowed to go home... Their “acolytes” are rather over-protective and notably possessive towards them, probably rampaging around Inazuma right now in search of them.
Well, they at least know what they’re going to do once they inevitably find them.
“Isn’t it time you should head back to your camp, Teppei?”
“Huh? Oh, right! It’s getting late! Then, if I have time, I’ll see you again!”
And he’s off in a rush, disappearing when he turned around the rocky walls and out of their sight. At the same time as he left, the bushes behind them rustle, and a frantic Zhongli appears with Venti following behind... both relaxed significantly once they saw them in perfect condition.
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you, Your Grace. It’s dangerous for you to go outside on your own like that.”
“Please don’t worry us like that again.”
They immediately take to their sides, quickly ushering them to head back to the Teapot before they stopped them in their tracks. 
“Your Grace?”
“I need to do something. Will the both of you accompany me for this?”
...and by the following morning, an official announcement is made to all of Inazuma with the abolishment of both the Sakoku Decree and Vision Hunt Decree. 
Teppei is rushing over to them with a beaming smile on his face when they meet again that noon, the young man happily shares the good news with them while they simply smiled and nodded along with what he said even if they knew the reason behind it.
They don’t tell him anything, nor mention that it was thanks to him that it ended... well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
Extra, because why not:
It becomes a frequent part of your days now that the War in Inazuma was over. Hanging out with Teppei as often as you could, granted you’d have a few people trailing in the shadows at all times, watching over you so you don’t pull the same stunt again.
You have to spend a bit of time giving warning glares behind you whenever Teppei mentions the cold chills that makes his bones shiver despite the relatively warm weather. 
When the two of you get roped up into a bit of trouble (whether by lingering Fatui grunts, stray Ronins or local Treasure Hoarders seeking to rob you), Teppei would always jump in between you and them, saying he’ll protect you as he holds his spear (that he brings with him out of habit).
...you thinks it’s endearing with how he’s trying to be brave, as you can see his hands shake just a tad bit due to the numbers.
But as much as you want to let him have his moment, you prefer that your friend doesn’t get himself hurt and therefore skillfully lead him away from the danger while the rest (your cult) dealt with them.
When you feel like the divine treatment is starting to get too overwhelming, and you’re feeling a little too lonely, you always make your way to Teppei who is there to provide comfort even if you never really talked about what’s troubling you.
Your friendship with Teppei is strong, even if you rarely talk about yourself to him and how he’s told you practically everything about himself.
There’s just something about that trust that bring you a lot of comfort... it gave a different feeling compared to Zhongli or Fischl’s kind of trust... it was warmer, and felt more like home.
You’re also very adamant in keeping him away from the whole cult business, not wanting him to think of you like how the others did... you don’t want to lose that friendship that practically kept you sane in this world.
The amount of times you have to keep reminding your cult to leave him be is absurd, and as much as they protest about him, the fact you’re upset at them for that is enough to get them to stop.
...for a while, at least. They go at it again for a while when Teppei does something they don’t like until you actually snapped at them. They stopped bothering him after that.
If Teppei does eventually find out about the cult, which will most likely happen because of Kokomi, you would be genuinely terrified in the beginning of it until he gives you proper reassurance that it doesn’t change anything.
Now he’s allowed to see you in the Teapot, often visiting with curious snacks he finds and occasionally sleeping over when you are feeling particularly lonely.
Overall, a very pleasant friendship to have. Being one of the few you can really be open with and not be concerned about how you’re viewed as.
Wholesome boy will always have your back whenever you need him... even if he is a little intimidated by the Raiden Shogun and the other intimidating acolytes that are a part of your cult.
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sciartherp · 2 years ago
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Overanalyzing 106′s Pocket Dimension
TL,DR: The pocket dimension’s basically a 3d map of Larry’s psyche. PLEASE find this man an EMDR therapist he needs one desperately.
Sorry if this is hard to understand, I am scatterbrained.
I've always found the concept of pocket dimensions super fascinating, since they're an incredibly versatile power to give a character. The glimpses of 106's PD we see in Containment Breach seem to reflect 106's own psyche. Everything's dark and muddied, there's long and winding corridors that create a maze designed to confuse weary prey but are till arranged in a way that allows 106 to traverse them with ease. There's little traps set up everywhere to ensure anyone trapped inside is always on-guard. We can see that there are small secrets to who 106 is/was scattered throughout the pocket dimension, such as “my name is not 106″ written on the floor of his cell, and the trenches. Nobody would want their mind on display for others to gawk and prod, so obviously he’s gonna ensure anyone who falls in doesn’t ever get out. If a victim ever makes it out, they're exhausted and traumatized, much like Corporal Lawrence was after leaving that cursed trench. And even after surviving all that, 106 will still stalk those victims and eventually end them. Why go through all the trouble of stalking your prey after they left? Why even allow them to leave? Is it just for the hell of it or did they see something that 106 doesn't want anyone to see? Both? Both is good.
The severe amount of trauma Corporal Lawrence faced, combined with underlying issues and the wonderful world of early 1900's healthcare and psych wards completely broke him, he was forced into multiple situations where being weak and vulnerable meant death, or worse, exploitation, experimentation, and other horrible acts. His sense of reality has been completely warped by these events, leading him to become detached and twisted. He sees anyone weaker than him as a plaything and will torture them just as he once was. There was something in that trench that turned him into what he is now, and now he takes on the role of the hidden monster, dragging anyone he can into this twisted game and forcing them through his pain. I can imagine it’s quite therapeutic, in an awful way. To inflict all your hatred, frustration, and pain onto some unwilling subject, watch them break just as you did and use it to justify your violence. After all, how could you blame someone who’s just trying to vent out their pain in the only way they know how? It’s a classic case of the victim becoming the assailant, but with a paranatural twist. And the PD reflects all of this, revealing all his secrets to those with a keen eye. And that probably doesn’t feel good. So home boy’s definitely gonna be pissed and want anyone who pieces the puzzle together dead. Because if the Foundation learns anything else about him, they’ll get curious. And that curiosity will bring forth endless experiments, more torture his poor fragmented mind was never built to handle. He’s scared of the Foundation because they can exploit and experiment on him, just as he was back in the psych ward. It’s an unending cycle of trauma for him.
If you had to walk a mile in his shoes, you’d probably blow your brains out. But 106 can’t. He’s immortal. And that just makes him all the more dangerous. He’s a loose cannon who can only be kept in check by the Foundation, which just encourages this cycle of agony to continue.
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h0neypjm · 4 years ago
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Confident 02 | jjk
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↳ Summary: After giving Jungkook the best suck of his life he’s left wondering if what you said was true. Was it really your first time? ‘Cause Jungkook thinks you might’ve lied.
↳ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, college au, fuckboy! jk, our fav cheeky virgin reader!
↳ Rating: 18+
↳ Word count: 8.8k
↳ Warnings: swearing, mentions of past toxic relationship, mentions of being pressured into sex, mentions of body image, mentions of stds, Jungkook being very confused, no smut in this part
↳ a/n: here it is !!! thank you for all the love for the first part, i hope you enjoy this part ! please feel free to leave any feedback <3 
↳ Series: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04
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Previously...
“She said it's her first time.” He pauses, looking up at his friends' concerned faces. “I think she might’ve lied.”
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“I’m sorry, what?”
Jungkook groans, cradling his head before banging it on the table. The utensils on the table rattle and clang, bringing unwanted attention to his mini breakdown. Taehyung is quick to place his hand under Jungkook's forehead just as he goes in for another blow. “Ok, Jungkook- Jungkook!” Jimin giggles beside him. “Fucking stop, people are staring.”
Jungkook pauses and subtly peeks out of his long bangs, checking to see that Taehyung’s words were indeed true. He breathes out and sits up in his chair, fixing his shirt to play off that he wasn’t just having a mental meltdown.
Jimin rolls his eyes, “soooo are you gonna talk now, cause’ I have a horrible headache and you’re really not helping.”
Jungkook nods opening his mouth to speak. “Alright so uh, I met a girl last night and-”
“I thought you went home?” Taehyung shoves Jimin’s shoulder and Jungkook glares, “yeah, well that clearly didn’t happen.” He rubs his temples, “could you do me a favour and let me speak first, and then you can ask the questions. Ok?”
The two boys nod, settling into their seats as Jungkook delves back into his story.
“Alright so anyways, I saw this girl and like, I haven’t ever seen her before? She was literally perfect”. He exhales looking at nothing at particular as he continues. “Gorgeous face, prettiest lips and oh! speaking of her lips, God the way she sucked-”
Despite what Jungkook said earlier, Taehyung feels the need to intervene. “Ok as much as I love a good suck myself, I need you to stop here, we don’t need the graphics.” Jimin nods in agreement even though it’s clear he’s not paying an ounce of attention. Jungkook smirks at the memory, but it soon drops as he remembers one tiny detail. He places his hands on the table, total seriousness etched onto his face. “But here’s the kicker, she said it was her first time.”
Confusion. 
“So did you or did you not take her virginity?”Jungkook crosses his arms. “No, after that she just up and left.” “Wait, fuck”, Jungkook suddenly realises, “I didn’t even make her cum”, he groans and Taehyung bursts into laughter. This finally garners Jimin’s attention, his dazed eyes squinting. “Who’s the girl?” Jungkook sighs, “if you were listening before you would’ve heard me say that I don’t know her.” Jimin leans forward,“well can you at least describe her? I pretty much know everyone who attended the party”
Jungkook doesn’t have to think that hard. “She was wearing this plaid skirt and like a white top-” Jimin’s eyes widen, “Holy shit, Y/N?! Man, Jin’s gonna kill you.” This makes Jungkook pause, thoughts running back to the text he had received from Jin. “Wait, they’re not a thing are they?” Jimin chokes, “God no, they’ve been family friends since like forever, Jin’s practically her protective older brother.”
That explained his text earlier. Jungkook furrows his brows, more questions beginning to arise and spill out of his mouth. “How come I’ve never met her and if she’s a virgin, then how- how did-”, Taehyung cuts in, “dude she’s done other things before.” More confusion. “And how would you know that?” Taehyung smirks, shrugging as he gets up out of his chair. “I'm gonna get a drink, Jimin, you want anything?” God, his head is spinning. “Sure, you know my usual.”
It was the way Taehyung spoke too casually, like your lifestyle choices were common knowledge. How the fuck hasn’t he met you, yet his friends seem to be well acquainted with your existence? “What the fuck was that look?” He focuses on Taehyung from where he orders his drinks. “Did you see it Jimin? Kinda sus.”
Jimin remains nonchalant, blowing a strand of hair out of his sight before answering one of Jungkook’s urgent queries. “Jin never introduced you to her because well…” He looks Jungkook up and down with an unimpressed look. “You would get your grimy hands on her immediately. And Then after that, It’s like she never existed ” Jungkook opens his mouth, rebuttal on the tip of his tongue. “Don’t argue with me boy, the second you met her, you already wanted her on your dick, did you not?”
Jungkook is shocked to say the least, jaw hanging open as Taehyung makes his way back to the table, drinks in hand. “Oh God, what did you tell him?” Jungkook slams his fist on the table, yet again grabbing the attention of people around them. “That is not true! I have standards, and what about you two. You guys are just as bad.” He points accusingly at the bruises peeking out of Taehyung’s loose shirt, “Look at Tae! Those hickies are probably a combination of the three girls he fucked last week!”
Jimin doesn’t want to get kicked out of the cafe, so he attempts to calm down a soon to be raging Jungkook. “Look, to put it nicely, you’re a heartbreaker, you lead girls on whereas Tae and I actually tell people we’re not interested in anything more than a hookup.”
Jungkook seems to understand where he’s coming from. He can admit, he does have quite the reputation if the amount of times he’s been slapped in the face says anything. But now, with this newfound information, he can also admit that you’ve certainly intrigued him, that was for sure.
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Jungkook wants to see you again.
Not for a rump in the sheets, but rather a friendly conversation. 
It was just his luck that he had heard through the grapevine that you had been invited to one of Jin’s small pool party get togethers. If Jungkook was being honest, he’s quite excited to be within your vicinity again but he knows he needs to keep his cool. Especially after the series of death threats and slaps on the neck from Jin. He shudders at the memory.
And so, Jungkook prepares himself more than he usually does. He wants to do it right this time. No flirty teasing, just friendly innocent conversation. He makes sure to carefully pick out the right swim shorts that display the thickness of his thighs. Not for any sexual gain, more so to show off the hours spent at the gym in hopes that maybe he can get you to become more interested in him as he is to you. He sounds desperate, and he’s sure you’re not that materialistic, but he has this nagging want to impress you somehow. He huffs and does a few pushups, for extra measure of course.
He’s not sure as to why his brain decided to make him act this way. You’re more or less a stranger to him. However, when Jungkook begins his short journey to Jin’s house he really lets himself think, which usually isn't a good idea. 
Jungkook doesn’t know you, but you’ve definitely left an imprint in his mind which makes you all the more fascinating. It’s news to him that you seem to be very close to his small circle of friends which is probably thanks to your deeply rooted friendship with Jin. That new piece of information had been bugging him since the day he met up with Taehyung and Jimin. Surely his reputation couldn’t be the only reason why you’ve never met him. Right?
Parking his car in Jin’s enormous driveway, he makes his way up to the grand front door. Sometimes he wishes he could live a life like Jin. He grew up being fed with a silver spoon his whole life. Having everything paid for instead of rolling in the miseries of college student debt.
Once Jungkook makes his way into the large house, he sets down the drinks he had brought onto the kitchen counter and watches his best friends goof around and enjoy the summer sun with a warm grin. He chuckles quietly when Jin pushes Jimin and his perfectly styled hair into the pool. Jimin screams a slur of curses while Jin quickly runs beside a sleeping Yoongi for protection.
Slipping out of his loose oversized shirt, Jungkook scans the entirety of Jin’s backyard, looking for the face that has been haunting him since that fateful night. She’s not here. He reexamines the pool seeing nothing but the chaotic mess of his favourite people, and he sighs. Just as he prepares to step out into the blazing sun, the sound of his stomach growling stops him in his tracks. 
Thinking about you made him nervous. So nervous that his stomach couldn’t bear the thought of breakfast. However, after the realisation that you hadn’t arrived just yet, makes him do a full one eighty, long strides taking him to Jin’s expensive fridge.
His head is already deep into the fridge when he hears the sound of the sliding door opening, revealing a dripping Jin with a small scowl on his face. It seems Jimin finally got his revenge. “I’m starving you got any leftovers?” Jungkook queries, his head popping out from the cool air of the fridge.
Jin grabs a fresh towel and whacks it against Jungkook’s naked back. “What’s the point of even asking when you’re already going through my damn fridge!” Jungkook flashes Jin an innocent grin and glows when he discovers a small bowl of Chinese takeout. 
It very quickly dawns on Jungkook that in order to enjoy a nice warm meal, he would need to heat it up. His stomach all but roars, not used to the lack of food in its system and Jungkook wants to cry. He wants to cry and it's not from the angry hunger pains, but rather something extremely laughable. He has to use a fucking microwave. 
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You’re running late, there’s sweat running down your brow and you feel like your arms will fall off any second. The weight of snacks and alcohol you had brought making you stagger as you finally enter Jin’s enormous home.
The one and only thing that’s on your mind is the refreshing feeling of slipping into Jin’s pool while sipping on an iced beverage. This motivates you enough to put all the strength left in your exhausted being to speedily walk into the kitchen and throw everything onto the counter. 
“AHH FUCK!” You flinch at the sudden scream, hugging your body protectively. Jungkook slowly pops out from behind the other side of the counter, his doe eyes big and wide. “You fucking scared me Jesus!” He exclaims, running a hand through sweaty bangs.
The air had escaped your lungs long before you could utter your next sentence as the sight before you has you freezing. There he was, Jeon Jungkook in all his glory. Tanned skin and taut muscle sculpted by the Gods. You didn’t mean to stare, but how could you not! Your eyes had a mind of their own. He’s glorious, every single part of him, and you’re not even afraid to admit it. Your eyes are quick to eat him up, tracing the art staining the whole of his right arm and you wonder what every swirl of ink means to him.
Jungkook coughs awkwardly, going in to scratch at his neck. You imagined he would tease you about your obvious ogling, but it never came. Strange. “Why were you hiding?” You ask, dropping your gaze from his body in order to arrange the snacks into neat piles, using it as an excuse to slowly step closer to him. “Oh! Uh-”, he scratches his head, looking down at his feet before jumping five feet into the air, a startled gasp leaving his lips when the timer of the microwave goes off. 
You burst into laughter and Jungkook flushes in embarrassment. Jin had told you about Jungkook’s embarrassing fear of microwaves but you never thought you would see it first hand. You hold in the laughs that tickle your throat and try to settle him down by lightly touching his shoulder. He flinches at your touch.
“Are you okay?” You’re really close to him now. Your chest is practically pressed up against his and Jungkook gulps. How was it possible that you could look even more stunning than the last time he saw you? Your cheeks are glowing from the soft golden rays of the afternoon sun and the way you look up at him, your soft smile curling makes his head spin.
“Yeah, I’m good”, he breaks eye contact in embarrassment. “Sorry, just uh, microwaves are scary you know?” You giggle up at him. Is this really Jungkook? The Jungkook you’ve seen flaunting a new girl every week just to abruptly break her heart when he can’t promise anything more than sex? 
You’re not complaining, he’s quite adorable like this.
You’re not too sure why his personality has the sudden switch up. It could possibly be the fact that he’s with his closest friends and doesn’t feel the need to put up his playboy persona. Although, the way he blushes when he looks at you plays a different story. Do you make him nervous? Surely not, if the memories of that heated night are anything to go by.
“So uh, are you gonna head into the pool?” His empty stomach is long forgotten as he gestures to the large backyard, you nod up at him excitedly. It’s then Jin decides to bust back into the kitchen, a stern gaze set on his face. “Y/N, can I speak with you for a minute?” Jungkook cautiously takes a step away from you, your bodies no longer close to each other and you notice this with a small frown.
“Yeah, sure”, you relent walking over to Jin who places a protective arm around your shoulders. Unknowingly to you, Jin traps Jungkook down with a hard stare and signals Jungkook to go outside, to which he accepts with a nod.
“I know what you’re gonna say, and no I do not see him like that”, you cross your arms defensively. Jin sighs, “I just don’t wanna see you get hurt again.” He places his hands on your shoulders, full lecture mode on. “Let’s face it, you’re a hopeless romantic, I can’t trust that you won’t do something stupid, but you and Jungkook… You’re both important friends of mine and-” 
You’ve heard his overprotective brotherly speech plenty of times, “I know, and I’m so thankful that you’re looking out for me. I just don’t see the harm in befriending him, you’ve never let me speak to him before.” Jin releases his hold on your shoulders to fix the mess of his wet hair, “and there's a reason for that.”
Why was he so damn hard-headed. Jin loves Jungkook like he loves his family. It just didn't make any sense to you that Jin could approve of their friendship but when it comes to you, he completely shields you away from any interactions with the so called playboy. 
“When are you going to stop protecting me from boys?” Jin senses your frustration immediately. “I may be younger than you, but I’m also an adult just like you. An adult that can make her own choices.” You exhale slowly, “You’ve let me befriend your whole group and they’ve been nothing but wonderful to me, I don’t see the wrong in getting to know Jungkook.” 
Jin lets his guard down. You do have a point, maybe he was being a little too overprotective. He gives you a soft smile, you look away. 
“You’re right, I am in no position to dictate your decisions and who you choose to hang around with, it was wrong of me to treat you like that. Jin looks out into the pool, watching Jungkook tackle Taehyung. “I’m sorry I was a bit too harsh, Jungkook’s a good kid, he just got into the wrong crowd at first. Although, you gotta promise to tell me if he hurts you, cause he knows I’ll beat his ass.” 
You laugh accepting his apology, “are you sure about that? He’s a literal muscle pig.” You both begin to make your way outside and Jin shoves you slightly, “hey! You know I’m right.” Jin shakes his head and brings you into a comforting hug. “Yeah, yeah whatever.” He rolls his eyes, you beam up at him and together you walk out into the warm sunlight.
It hadn’t even been a second since you stepped outside, and already Yoongi’s long term girlfriend, Jieun is squealing your way. “Y/N! I’m so happy you're finally here, the amount of testosterone out here was starting to make me feel faint.” You giggle at her exasperated tone, pulling her into a tight hug. 
Nonchalantly you peel off your flowy sundress, it’s stickiness from your sweat making you cringe. “I missed you last week, why didn’t you come to class?” Jiuen pouts, “I'm sorry bub, I somehow caught a cold, but I trust you have some notes for me.” 
The way Jieun flutters her lashes at you innocently forces a roll from your eyes. Slathering sunscreen onto your arms, you reprimand her, “I swear you’re only using me for my notes, you literally never listen in class! Can you get my back please?”
She hums while you turn around, her small hands kneading sunscreen from your shoulder bones to the small dip in your back. Jieun continues to blabber on about the joys of life, not even checking if you’re listening to a single word she says. Instead your eyes are zeroed in on a certain someone.
Your staring is blatantly obvious but you don’t care. It’s only when Taehyung spots your burning gaze with a small smirk does he signal Jungkook to turn around to meet your flirty grin.  
Holy shit
The sun does a real great job of highlighting the gorgeous curves of your body adorned in quite possibly the smallest baby blue bikini he’s seen on a woman. Your breasts practically spill out of the tiny triangle cups and the pretty colour compliments your skin beautifully. 
Whilst Jungkook can admit you have one of the hottest bodies he’s seen in a while, his eyes surprisingly don't linger on your delicious curves for too long. Instead, he finds himself utterly enamoured by the way your eyes crinkle slightly when you smile prettily at him, your cheeks glowing with it. 
It suddenly dawns on him that you are the first girl that has truly enchanted him, and no, your ridiculously gorgeous body had little to do with it. 
Jungkook does not mind this change one bit. 
So, instead of staring at you like a gaping goldfish, he matches your flirtatious body language with a boyish grin and a small wave. His previous nerves dissipating only to be replaced by confidence and polished charm. He doesn’t want to scare you off with his sudden look of epiphany just yet, but the new unfamiliar feeling you give him is surely doing exactly that.
“My, my, Yoongi wasn’t lying.” Jieun stifles a giggle when she notices how Jungkook’s attention has steered towards you and only you. You’re quick to turn around, brows furrowed. “What are you on about?” 
“Oh you know… You and Jungkook”
You grimace, tired of the repeated topic of conversation. “Just because I sucked his dick once does not mean we're a thing” 
“Oh really? He’s asked me an awful lot of questions about you I was beginning to think otherwise”
“Wait, really?”
Jieun has the widest cheshire grin plastered on her face, it's starting to look quite unsettling.
“Really.”
You’re thoroughly shocked to say the least. You thought your fast, fleeting blowjob, sort of, was nothing special. A usual escapade to get his daily fill. Ordinary. Unmemorable.
However, it seems to be quite the opposite.
Jieun grabs your hand and swings it back and forth, exactly like a mother would do, although she’s merely two years older than you. “I know Jin’s been up your ass about Jungkook and frankly I don’t blame him he’s still a little shit from time to time but, he’s actually quite fun to be around and honestly I think his playboy tendencies seemed to dial down a bit since he met us.” The two of you giggle quietly amongst each other, quick feet making your way closer to the pool to avoid the scorching pavement.
Your toes are the first to dip into the pool and you practically moan at the cold water melting away the blistering haze that sticks onto your skin. The water is icy at your waist and you love it. “So my advice would be not to worry about him, instead it's his little army of plastic bimbos that you should watch out for.” 
“Ahh, internalised misogyny. We love to see it.” 
Jieun acknowledges you with a hum as the two of you float around the calming abyss. She then swims closer to you, nodding her head into the direction of a lonely Jungkook, who lazily stares at your alluring form. “I think your loverboy over there wants to talk to you.”
Jieun swims away before you can protest, leaving you to face the handsome man before you. His eyes are round and docile, yet his stare is tantalising, it pulls you in as if he’s slowly reeling you in with a rope. 
The water delicately ripples around your body when you approach him and you internally sigh in awe at the striking features of his stunning face. You want to use this opportunity to finally get to know him, and perhaps form a new friendship. 
You take note of the lack of Jin’s hawk-like eyes or for better the lack of any eyes on the two of you. You’re alone, huddled into one of the far corners of the pool, your conversation private, just for two pairs of ears. 
You open your mouth to speak, “So-”
“I-”
An uncomfortable silence stills the air and you both halt your words to giggle quietly amongst yourselves. God, this is awkward. 
“You go first”, You offer, tucking a wet strand of hair behind your ear. Jungkook follows the subtle movement of your fingers before taking a deep breath. 
“I feel like we should discuss the elephant in the room”
You're stunned. “Huh?”
“You know… That Friday night?”
Of course you knew what he was referring too, yet you wondered why as you honestly didn’t think that night had much impact on the man. 
With a raised brow you ask, “What about it?”
“I’ve just had a lot of... thoughts”
You scratch your head feeling puzzled. You’re sure Jungkook has had better blowjobs in his lifetime. Hell, Jungkook did most of the work that night. “Do you usually discuss the past hookups you have, or am I just lucky today?”
You’re teasing him, nevertheless Jungkook tilts his head back towards the sky. All he wants is clarification, only this conversation is heading down an awkward path, so he decides to spit out what’s been bothering him for the past few days.
“Okay listen, I know this is odd to say, but ever since that night, It’s like I can’t get you out of my head.”
Your ego inflates at his statement and you smirk. You knew you could suck dick well, but according to Jungkook you seem to have quite the talent.
You smile proudly, “damn, look at me go, I can’t believe I have the campus playboy wrapped around my finger.”
Jungkook scoffs, both in annoyance and embarrassment because shit, he could have worded that differently, now he sounds like the clingy girls he fucks.
“Yeah, yeah let’s not pretend like I was the only one enjoying myself here. Weren’t you the one practically begging to be touched?” 
You’re amused. “Weren’t you the one who couldn’t make me cum. Yet came from their own handjob?”
Jungkook tongues his cheek and looks away. The way you speak so casually intimidates him. No girl has ever spoken to him this way, in fact, Jungkook’s the one who usually likes to tease. He can slowly feel the creeping heat alighting his cheeks and God does he hope you don’t notice.
You patiently wait for Jungkook’s reply, a sly grin adorned on your pretty face. However, Jungkook doesn’t say anything, rather he frowns and immaturely splashes water at your face. 
“Jungkook!” You sputter, wiping at your face to rid of the chlorine in your eyes. “What the fuck was that for?”
He shrugs, “sorry my hand must’ve slipped”
You don’t take that for an answer, your petty nature crawling out as you splash him back harder than he had done. “Hand slipped, my ass.”
You cross your arms smugly, a small laugh blossoming out of your mouth when Jungkook cutely rubs at his eyes. 
It’s after a minute when you realise Jungkook hasn’t stopped furiously rubbing his eyes. The circular motions of his hand move so intensely that it begins to look painful and irritating. “Fuck, it stings”, he exclaims in agony.
Shit, you inwardly curse, gently touching his wrist, concern lacing your features because you didn’t think getting chlorinated water in one's eye would sting that much. You analyse his facial expressions closely and you wince at the redness surrounding his eyes from his harsh rubbing. 
On the contrary, Jungkook knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s competitive and won’t back down from a fight, even if it’s just fun banter, so he continues his little scheme just for the fun of it and hides his small grin under his large hands.
You’re now slightly panicked, “fuck, Jungkook I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit the water that hard I-”
Jungkook cracks.
Ever so slowly, he peeps his eyes out at you and watches with a mischievous smirk as your face morphs from alarmed to annoyed in less than a millisecond.
You tighten your grip on his wrist and attempt to slap his hard chest with your free hand, however Jungkook’s reflexes are fast and he grasps your hand tightly, a teasing glint in his eye. 
“You little shit-”
All of a sudden a loud holler is heard from the front door, rousing a relaxed Jin out of his chair as he sprints while simultaneously yelling at the ruckus being made. It’s then a stampede of both familiar and unfamiliar faces come crashing in. Some jump straight into the pool to cool off from the blazing sun while others rush to the table of assorted alcohol, desperate to get an ounce of it in their system.
Word seemed to go around about Jin’s supposed small get-together unbelievably fast, causing the once tranquil Kim Seokjin into a raging volcano. 
You’re pressed right up against Jungkook’s solid chest and he surprisingly pays you no mind, even though your perky tits are deliciously pushed up perfectly against his body. Jungkook’s eyes are not settled on them, rather he pays close attention to the amount of people dangerously plunging into the pool at a fast rate.
Jungkook protectively hugs your shoulders to shield you from the rowdy party goers who definitely do not understand the definition of personal space. Your heart swells when he then delicately places your head in the crook of his neck and wraps an arm around your fairly exposed body, essentially guarding you from frantic wet limbs and ignorant individuals.
You feel comfortable and safe, so comfortable that you wouldn’t mind staying like this for a while if it weren’t for the throng of college students delving into the cooling water. 
Jin’s house begins to fill with unexpected guests very quickly and you wonder how Jin is handling the situation. You suppose not very well when you see him whipping people with towels, red ears making an appearance and his booming voice following him.
Jungkook wants to get out and he’s sure you feel the same way which is why he smoothly slots his hand into your own, long fingers wrapping around your hand to carefully pull you through the growing crowd of people in the pool.
Whilst pushing past a variety of college students you are met with many stares, even worse, numerous envious eyes and whispers of possible gossip. You try your best to avoid their gazes, the hard stares reminding you of the last time Jungkook held your hand to push through groups of people. 
Water drips down the curves of your body and lands in little pools around you when you step out of the pool. At this point you’ve garnered even more turning heads that examine every inch of your skin closely. Their stares itch your skin and you feel akin to an animal kept in a zoo enclosure, curious eyes breaking down your confidence, you want to hide. 
You usually like to pride yourself on your confidence because you know you’re hot and you know your worth. It had taken many failed relationships to build up your self love and nourish the scars and memories of questioning if you’re good enough. 
You fight on and squeeze Jungkook’s hand, mostly for some sort of reassurance. It shocks you when he astonishingly squeezes back and softly rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. It’s almost as if he knows how you’re feeling. 
You glance up at him shyly. Jungkook keeps his eyes straight ahead. He smiles a different kind of smile than the one he had directed to you a few hours ago. His lips are in a permanent smug smirk. His usual playboy smile. He flashes it at everyone as if he’s asking for their approval and even goes in to high-five a few people who are unrecognisable to you. You soon realise that this is what Jungkook thrives on. People, validation and his notorious reputation he’s created for himself.
Jungkook lights up at the presence of crowds, flirty smiles and people calling his name, whereas you want to crawl into your skin and run away because from the perspective of outsiders it looks like you’re just another one of Jungkook’s flings that will soon be forgotten by next week.
Well, you hope you won’t turn out to be one of them.
At last you find yourself away from the heart of the party, your dress in hand but your body still wet nonetheless. Jungkook is in the same state as yourself, droplets of water dribbling from his dark hair and onto the timber flooring. He leans into your ear, “I’ll go get us some towels, stay here.”
He’s gone before you can reply, making small conversation when he passes by various people, his boisterous laugh echoing down the halls. 
You’re alone now, and defenceless at that. There’s not many people you know here, besides the few odd people you share a class with and some sleazy frat boys that hold a similar reputation to Jungkook. You want to find Jieun so you can hug her or maybe ask her if she can take you home, but she is nowhere to be found.
Fuck, You remember leaving your bag on the kitchen table, unsupervised with many personal belongings stowed away inside. Using your dress to cover the most of your exposed skin like a blanket, you stride over to the kitchen and sigh in relief when you find your bag untouched and in perfect condition.
Snatching up your bag, you grab your phone and immediately text Jieun to find out where the fuck she’s hiding, but there’s a part of you that knows she’s probably fucking Yoongi somewhere. Traitor.
Jungkook finds you to be in a completely different part of the house than where he asked you, one towel wrapped around his neck and the other draped over his arm. You haven’t noticed him yet, your frantic fingers texting a treacherous Jieun, “princess, didn’t I tell you to stay put?”
You’re startled. Switching your phone off you stick your arm out, waiting for Jungkook to pass you the towel but he doesn't. Jungkook gently pushes your shoulders so that you turn away from him and carefully wraps the towel around your body like a cape. You hold the edges of the fabric to help him hug the towel around yourself, keeping it tighter to your body.
Your voice is quiet, “thank you.”
Jungkook leans down to meet your face, “What was that?”
Even though Jungkook had been in the pool longer than you, his cologne still sticks to his skin and you kind of want to breathe more of it in, but that would be weird.
“Oh, I said thank you.”
You’re close to him again, although this time he towers over you with a look almost identical to a predator meeting its prey.
Jungkook’s eyes flirt around your face and descend. He shamelessly drinks up the swell of your breasts and whatever skin is visible amidst the fluffy towel around you. It’s strange. You had noticed Jungkook doing the exact same thing when you were alone with him. The difference though was that his looks were cursory as if he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Now, It's like a new persona had taken over him and he was ready to pounce at any sign of a green light. 
He’s stuck in a trance, fuckboy tinted glasses fogging his vision.
You force out a giggle and playfully shove his shoulder, “my eyes are up here, you know.” 
His reply comes lighting fast, he’s definitely been in this position before. “I know, just admiring them.”
Jungkook wants to hit himself the second his reply spewed out of his mouth. He desperately wants to reassure your unimpressed (though also very cute) face, because goddammit he wanted to be respectful. Jungkook knows he has a tendency to slip into a new personality when the right amount of people hyped him. Call it being two faced, he knows it's one of his fatal flaws. 
“I'm sorry.” 
He says it genuinely. 
Jungkook only just got to properly meet you, he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression! He can admit, your first ever official meeting (moreso hookup) wasn’t ideal, yet the way Jin dragged him through the mud undoubtedly made him understand that you weren’t the type of woman that should ever undergo the treatment he puts his hookups through. Scratch that, any woman shouldn’t be treated the way Jungkook treats them.
You're now fully covered under the towel, not a sliver of skin on display. You don’t know if his apology was genuine. “It’s ok I guess, I expected nothing less from you anyways.”
“Right.” He’s messed up.
You clear your throat, “I’m gonna go get changed, maybe look for Jieun unless-”
Jungkook finishes your sentence, “-she’s fucking Yoongi.”
You exhale, “yeah.”
“Jeon Jungkook!”
The voice makes you halt at its familiar tone. Jungkook doesn’t notice your growing panic as he too freezes in his spot. 
No, it can’t be.
The world plays in slow motion when he walks into your line of vision. His assertive stride, smug smile and sharp eyes.
Jeong Suho.
His name explodes inside of you like a blistering fire yet your heart feels ice cold. He is the very man you have spent weeks trying to avoid and even more trying to get out of your head.
The world plays at a normal speed when he approaches Jungkook. Their facial expressions are the same, the way they greet each other is the same. They’re practically the same breed of fuckboy, born from the same mother.
“Been awhile since I’ve seen you around.”
Jeong Suho was a person that Jungkook didn’t really mind, In fact there was a point in Jungkook’s life where he would’ve considered Suho to be one of his closest friends. They were two peas in a pod freshmen year of college. Never giving a fuck about their education and always present for any opportunity to get completely wasted with as many girls they could possibly seduce. Nowadays, Jungkook would rather keep his distance from him.
On the contrary, you were one of the many girls that had fallen deeply for Suho’s alluring charm. You fell so hard, you thought that maybe just maybe there was a possibility that you could secure a future with him. Obviously that was not the case.
You thank your lucky stars that Jungkook was there to distract Suho while you make your haste escape. All you need to do now is somehow locate an unoccupied bathroom, preferably without having to walk in on someone getting it on, and then you could get the hell out of there.
You must admit, you look quite ridiculous right now. Navy blue towel wrapped tightly around your body, your small head peeking through. You could probably pass as some form of E.T cosplay right now. You don’t care if you look rude, pushing and shoving whoever stands in your way. You only have one goal and you’re so so close to succeeding-
“Wait, Y/N! Is that you?”
Fuck.
Do you run? Maybe duck behind some poor innocent student looking for a good time? You huff, you're already sticking out like a sore thumb, there’s no use in trying to hide when the enemy has already spotted you. Even worse Jungkook motions you over with a wide gleaming smile. If only he knew how much you’re dreading this interaction.
Grudgingly, you walk over, looking like an irritated gremlin with your towel still firmly secured around you. Jungkook makes matters worse by pushing the towel off your head, releasing your scruffy ball of hair. You grimace. 
“I didn’t know you knew Y/N?”
Suho sends a smirk your way. You however, glower.
“Yeah we go way back, don’t we baby?”
You force a tight lipped smile, howbeit you look as if you have a mild case of constipation. 
“Sure.” It comes out rough through gritted teeth.
Suho notes your frustration, a sly grin carving onto his punchable face. He turns towards Jungkook, seemingly blocking you from their conversation, yet you know Suho wants you to hear what he has to say.
“You know it’s a shame. Y/N’s gorgeous, ten outta ten body, knows how to put it to good use, however she never let me fuck her. Don’t you think that’s weird?”
Jungkook stays silent for a minute, eyeing your shaking fists and angry eyebrows. Jungkook may be dumb, but he sure knows how to read a room, thus leading him to the conclusion that your relationship with Suho isn’t something you’re very fond of and that he should probably get you out of here.
“Uhhh no, that’s not weird at all actually. What I think is weird is the fact that you think you have this sick claim on every girl you’ve defiled and even worse, you’ve always had this strange need to chase after every virgin you see like some perverted cherry picker. Yeah, that’s weird.”
Suho laughs right in his face, spit grossly tickling his skin. “That’s rich coming from you Jeon, weren't you quite the cherry picker in your freshman days, no?”
Jungkook doesn’t know what he expected from this conversation. It definitely wasn’t this.
It's obvious that Jungkook isn’t a saint, he really fucking far from it. Although, one thing's for sure, it’s his absolute hatred for the way his brain was wired in his freshman year of college. Yes, Jungkook still remains as one of the standing campus fuckboys but he’s gained a few more brain cells since then. 
Jungkook opens his mouth to retort, only to be met with Suho’s back as he turns his attention towards you.
“Y/N, darling if I were you i’d make a run for it, ya know keep your chastity intact or whatever.” His smile is saccharine sweet, though his words are sickly sour.
The months of pent up anger stored within your being bubbles and overflows like a bad science experiment. You’ve quickly decided that now’s that time to expose the shitty excuse of a man, and quite frankly you don’t care that you have an audience. Actually, an audience would make this all the better.
Your finger is strong, pointing accusingly at his broad chest. “You know what you stupid motherfucker? Don’t waltz in here with that dumb smile of yours when you know you have some disgusting cheesy infection growing down there.”
Suho’s eyes widen slightly. It was no secret he was a walking STD, just about infecting every girl that was naive enough to sit on his dick. 
Everyone at the party has definitely stopped to listen to what you have to say. You even spot Jin from the corner of your eye sending you a proud smile. “And while we're on the topic of cheese, Learn how to wash your fucking dick!”
You don’t let him have a moment to speak, grabbing Jungkook’s hand and pulling him out of the house.
A few people applaud, some girls praise you on your way out. You give them no mind, you’ve had enough for tonight.   
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Jungkook starts his car, no questions asked. It’s obvious to him that there’s bad blood between you and Suho. What you don’t know is that Jungkook can also relate. 
Technically there was no bad blood between them, moreso the hurtful memories and manipulation Suho put him through. To put it simply, Suho was probably the worst influence Jungkook could ever have as a vunerable freshman. 
The crunch of gravel and soft melodies that spill out of Jungkook’s radio converse with eachother and fill the defeaning silence that sits between you and Jungkook. 
Jungkook doesn’t even know where he’s going, he just drives. 
Every so often he checks up on you from the corner of his eye. Your knees stick tightly together and point away from him. Your fingers curl and uncurl, leaving cresent moons in your skin. And to finish it off, your face remains still, hostility completely washing over your features. If Jungkook didn’t know any better he would think you’d jump out of his car and make a run for it at the chance of him stopping the car.
It’s seven sniffles later when Jungkook decides he knows where he should take you.
The night sky is clear and the stars burn brightly to accompany the full round moon. It’s the perfect setting for release and maybe a screaming session if you’re up for it.
Jungkook makes a stop behind a forest of tall trees and a dirt path. You sit up immediately. 
“Where are we?” Your eyes are rimmed with tears, “I want to go home.”
Jungkook shuts the engine off, “you never told me where you live.”
“Well you never asked!”
Maybe you shouldn’t have yelled because from the looks of it, Jungkook just wants to help you out and clearly you’re not being the friendliest right now. 
You curl back into yourself, “sorry”, another sniffle.
Jungkook brings your fists into his hands and warmly opens them up. You refuse to look at him, it doesn’t deter Jungkook one bit.
Tenderly he brings a finger under your chin, gradually bringing your eyes up to his. Jungkook takes his time with you, careful to not set you off until you’re face to face with his warm eyes. 
“I brought you here because it’s apparent we both need let out some pent up steam.” He drags his fingers delicately across the curve of your chin and back into his lap. His touch is fleeting, you miss it already. “I just thought you may want to vent or just shout out into the void, it’s up to you.” You nod, fully trusting Jungkook’s intentions. “And at any time you feel like going home just say the word and I’ll take you there, okay?” 
Your heart swells in adoration at his caring nature, though you can’t help but wonder how he can have such a sudden change in personality depending on where he is and who he’s with. It’s unnerving. 
Jungkook clicks his seatbelt off and heads out the car, “put your dress back on princess, I’ll be out here waiting for you.” You mutter your confirmation and do as he asks.
The cool summer air kisses your skin and runs through your hair as you step out of the car. Jungkook is already by your side dressed in an oversize hoodie with another in his hand as well as a fuzzy blanket. 
Jungkook steps closer to you, holding the hem of his hoodie to slip over your body. Without a second thought you raise your hands causing Jungkook to chuckle at how cute you look dwarfed in his clothes.
The same cologne you smelled on his skin earlier lingers on every fibre of fabric around you. His scent is everywhere, swirling around your head, instantly calming down your anxieties. You smile at him, “Lead the way Jungkook.”
Jungkook leads you up a small hill and you notice the trees opening up to display a lush field of grass. However, the sight before you leaves you in absolute wonder. You stand completely still and take it all in. 
The night sky is dark but the city below illuminates is beautifully. Your gaze bounces over all the buildings, skyscrapers and their dazzling bright lights. It’s peaceful up here, you decide as you take a glimpse of the hundreds of tall structures looking so tiny, so ant-like.
Jungkook is settled behind you, his legs comfortably folded underneath himself. He remembers what it was like the first time he saw the view, which is why he doesn’t blame your stunned silence and glazed eyes. 
“How did you find this place?”
You find your way towards Jungkook and plant yourself right beside him. “I don’t know, I was just driving aimlessly one night and found it, It’s nice right.”
You hum, “it’s beautiful.”
Jungkook murmurs in agreement as you lie down on the woolly blanket beneath you. The stars twinkle and glimmer amongst the deep blue sky, creating a serene experience. You shut your eyes.
“I hate him.”
Jungkook looks down at you, you don’t see him though. “Suho?”
“Yeah”, you exhale deeply, “I can’t believe I had to see him again.”
Although Jungkook knows you can’t see him, he swivels his body around to face you properly. “Did you guys date or something?”
You scoff, “pffft you know Suho doesn’t date anyone.” You open your eyes, meeting a pair of round docile ones. You continue, “Suho was the first guy who every gave me an ounce of attention. Before him guys never looked my way. Jungkook remains silent, letting you pour out what’s on your mind.
“Suho had me fooled, I thought I was special to him, thought he saw something in me that was different from the others. Turns out that was his game after all”
You speak so animatedly, your hands wave around in the air, your eyebrows scrunch when the memories come back to you. “It’s stupid really, how I used to gush to him about finding the one person in the universe that was created just for me. I guess he used this as my weak point.” 
Inhale, exhale. 
“He made me believe he was that special person for me, used it as an excuse to pressure me into sex.” A tear rolls down the side of your face, falling perfectly in a straight line. “I almost gave in, but something just felt so wrong. Every time I said no he would call me terrible names, tell me that no one would want me if I never gave them what they wanted. And I believed him.”
Another tear escapes your wet orbs, Jungkook is there to wipe it this time.
“I broke it off after I found out he fucked my roommate and gave her some disease.” You chuckle, “I guess I’m lucky I never let him fuck me huh?” 
Jungkook’s heart breaks at your saddened eyes and the way Suho treated you, he sweeps a stray hair out of you face. “I think you dodged a bullet there princess, what he did to you was pure evil, no one, and especially you don’t deserve that��
You sit up, wiping remaining tears and thanking him as you go, “It’s your turn now.” You pat his thigh, “tell me why Suho got you so riled up tonight.”
Jungkook shuffles in his spot, “It’s actually kind of similar to you.”
You gasp sarcastically, “no way he pressured you into sex too?”
He laughs, eyes squeezing shut, “No, no, nothing like that.”
You lean closer to Jungkook, giving him the same attention he had given you. “My father left when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, so growing up I had no male figure present in my life. My mother stopped at nothing to give me that to the point that almost every week I’d wake up and see a new man drinking out of my favourite mug. I didn’t mind it because I was only a child and some part of me always hoped they would stay, but they never did.”
“My mom was a hopeless romantic. She held so much sentimental and idealistic views on love that it stuck to me. She always told me that there was someone special out there just for me.” You smile at the similar belief, Jungkook sighs. 
“Cut to college, Suho was the first friend I made. I had no experience with girls whatsoever, and I still held on to my mother’s faith. Whenever I talked to Suho about it he would always shut me down or make fun of me.”
“He told me that all my feelings are bullshit, and that I only felt that way because I’ve never hooked up with anyone before. Next thing I knew we were going to parties every week getting absolutely shitfaced and fucking every girl I laid eyes on.”
You nod, listening intently. “And tonight, he hit a nerve. What he said made me realise that I’m just as bad as him. He moulded me into this person and now I have a reputation.”
Jungkook’s eyes drop, “he broke my concept of love before I even got to experience it.”
You never knew Jungkook was in a place like this. You always thought he was like Suho, built to break hearts and show no emotion when it came to love. Jungkook was nothing like that. His heart was truly big, desperately longing for someone.
Placing your hand on top of his own you comfort him as best as you can, “oh, Jungkook, trust me when I tell you this, the love in your heart is not broken. Think about it, most people you’ve met have been through college right?” He nods, “there are so many other people out there that you’ve never met, soon you’ll be able to find that someone and learn how to love. I know you present yourself as this emotionless playboy, but once you let that part of you go it’ll feel so freeing.”
Jungkook stares deeply into your eyes, he’s so thankful that he decided to bring you here, he can’t contain his happiness. 
“Can I like, hug you?” Jungkook asks shyly. You smile, and it’s so big and bright Jungkook might as well be staring at the sun. Before he knows it, you’re tackling him into the most wholesome hug he’s ever had. You’re warm and you smell like vanilla, It feels like home.
“Get up”, he says abruptly, extending his arm to pull up your confused self.
“What-”, Jungkook cuts you off, “have you ever just let yourself scream?”
Jungkook has intertwined your hands together, and your heart pounds at the realisation of how well they fit together. “Well, no but I assume that’s what we’re about to do right now.”
He pulls you closer to the edge of the small hill, the view of the city sparkles right in front of you. “On the count of three, one- two- three!”
You scream, you let it all out and God does it feel refreshing.
The two of you sound utterly insane, but none you give a single fuck. You scream until your lungs burn and your throat itches you to stop.
The volume of both of your voices ring out into the night sky only for the moon, stars and yourselves. The night is still young but Jungkook wouldn’t have it any other way.
With you he lets go of everything, all the past mistakes, all the hurt because at this moment he feels like he could fly, soar into the clouds. 
He feels infinite.
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