#the adventures of alianore audley

[natequarter]

‘What have you to say for yourself, prisoner?’ Richard demanded. ‘Are you Tydder, or not?’

​‘At least get the pronunciation right. It is Tudur, not Tydder.’

​‘It sounds identical to me.’ ​

‘Well it isn’t.’

‘Some say “Tudor”,’ suggested Sir Thomas. ​

‘They are wrong. It is Tudur. Although actually, it isn’t. Not under the Welsh patronymic system. My father was Owain, and his father was Maredudd, and his father was Tudur. So how anyone can call me Tydder, Tudor or Tudur is beyond me.’ ​

‘I’m none the wiser,’ said Richard. ‘Who are you claiming to be now?’ ​

‘I’m not claiming to be anyone. I am Jasper ab Owain.’ ​

‘Uncle Jasper!’ I cried.

[crouchbackie]

I just read the word "Woodvilles" and I can't stop thinking about this.

[crouchbackie]

i want to alter history by making Richard live and let henry-the-stupid-tudor-idiot die in agony.

I could actually quote a couple of names for henry from "the adventures of Alianore Audley" but it's late, i have anxiety and going through allergy because i changed bedrooms and i'm the one who's in agony amidst (still) fluttering dust that won't let me breath in peace 🤧 so I won't look them up, but let me recommend it to you, it's funny lol

The Last Charge of Richard III

by Graham Turner

[natequarter]

The next few days passed slowly to the point of tediousness. Roger shut himself in his counting-house, and scribbled and hummed away to himself as he tried to make sense of the papers. He drank ale sparingly, and hardly appeared for meals at all. At last I was reduced to taking him a slice of beef between two rounds of manchet bread. ​

It took him more than a Paternoster-while to even notice my presence.

‘What’s this?’ he asked, sounding almost too weary to stay awake.

​‘A little meal I’ve just invented for someone too busy to come to the table. I’m thinking of calling it an “Audley”.’

‘Don’t be absurd, Alianore! Do you seriously suppose that in all the long years since mankind was thrown out of Eden, no one until now has ever thought of taking meat between two slices of bread? On campaign, in the old days, we rarely ate anything else.’

[natequarter]

2 and 6 for the book asks <33

2: What are you currently reading?

the stripping of the altars, by eamon duffy. it's a long seminal study on fifteenth-century english christianity and the effects of the reformation had on this culture. it's good, but hoo boy is it long! did you notice that it's long? because it's long.

6: Which book was the last one you really, really loved?

so many, but let's go with the adventures of alianore audley, by brian wainwright. it's james bond meets wars of the roses meets someone making fun of both of them. it's introduced as if it is a real fifteenth-century manuscript, then opens on a first-person narration of the birth of henry vii and/or witchcraft. it quite literally has every wotr cliché in the book, but... that's the point! it also has one of the most brilliantest first-person narrators to ever narrate. i love alianore. if you love anachronisms and parody, you will too. (WARNING: not suitable for kings under three years of age.)

(link)

[natequarter]

‘Nice abbey you have here, Father,’ I said quietly. ‘It’d be a shame if anything happened to it.’

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(Although according to my brother, Bishop Edmund, not only did no such person exist, but our family was not in Wales at the relevant time. I do not pretend to know how to reconcile his version of events with mine, although even as a mere child he was an accomplished liar and since then has been trained as a senior clergyman.)

[natequarter]

Nevertheless the total must have been impressive because almost the whole nobility of England was involved [in the Battle of Towton], even Lord Stanley.

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‘Witchcraft,’ Richard mused. ‘Do you know, some people claim the queen is a witch? Even that she raised a fog to cover the battlefield at Barnet.’

​‘Well, it wouldn’t have been much help, would it? Unless it was a selective fog? It would have made more sense to turn Warwick into a toad.’ ​

He laughed. ‘Maybe that was too much for her! ’

this guy's clearly read his philippa gregory (and, perhaps more importantly, thinks her books are bullshit)

[natequarter]

There was a blue plaque over the door reading: ‘Anne Neville, Duchess of Gloucester, worked here, 1471.’ Next to this hung a faded sign that said ‘By appointment to His Grace the Duke of Clarence, purveyors of lark pasties and mutton pies.’

we've all been there, anne...

[natequarter]

number 1 & 7 for the book ask!!?

7: What book do you love but usually not recommend because it’s weird or intense, etc?

the adventures of alianore audley, by brian wainwright. it's incredibly funny and is best described as "richard iii meet james bond meets a guy making fun of both richard iii and james bond". personally, i wouldn't recommend it to the average reader because a) it's clearly a ricardian story (ricardians being the sacred defenders of richard iii to avenge his reputation, and so on and so forth), b) it requires a decent amount of exposure to the wars of the roses (starting with the rise of edward iv and ending in the middle of henry vii's reign), and a good number of the jokes are dependent on understanding the general context of that, and c) it's an irreverent parody, which can be tonally jarring, especially if you like your historical fiction accurate.

however, if you like parody with your history, it's brilliant. it lampshades a lot of modern tropes and conventions, especially in spy stories, whilst seamlessly integrating all this into a medieval context which is clearly not meant to be taken entirely seriously. are you a fan of richard iii? this book rips his reputation to shreds. it does the same to: henry vi, margaret of anjou, edward iv, elizabeth woodville, george of clarence, isabel neville, warwick the kingmaker, edward v, edward of lancaster, henry vii, the duke of buckingham, and probably some other people i've missed. in fact, the only person who escapes this book entirely unscathed is anne neville. you see? that's equality. the princes in the tower escape said tower by crossdressing as girls, if you want an idea as to what kind of level of accuracy it's aiming for.

also, and this is THE highest praise i can give it: it's a well-written first person narrative. i've read about 2.7 other books that deserve that kind of praise. alianore and her purely fictional husband are both brilliantly written, and for me at least, it's laugh-out-loud. alianore is blunt, rude, and just wants to live a peaceful life without being dragged into the typical problems which dog noblewomen in ya romances.

some quotes, to give you an idea of what the book is like (just one won't do):

The trouble with Richard was not that he was hunchbacked but that he had no sense of humour. I shall spell that out to save you from any doubts. NO SENSE OF HUMOUR AT ALL.

‘The King’s forbidden it, that’s why not,’ Richard answered. ‘Then he can flaming well unforbid it!’ Warwick yelled, so loudly that Isabel jumped back six inches without losing her pose.

(Her father, by the way, called himself King of Jerusalem, Naples, Sicily and Aragon, although not one of the kingdoms recognised him as such. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a man who claims to be King of this and that when he isn’t really King of anything. It’s so frightfully middle-class.)

No, if you want to read about quarrels with the neighbours I suggest you ask John Paston to lend you his family’s collection of letters. He’s put them all in a box, and plans to keep them for future generations. Though I cannot imagine why he thinks that posterity will be interested in his sister’s affair with Richard Calle, or his brother’s collection of seedy little friends, or the price of corn in Norfolk in the twentieth year of Mad Harry’s reign.

you probably get the point by now.

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[natequarter]

Fave female character tag game

Tagged by @spineless-lobster!

Rules: Make a poll of your top four favourite female characters of all time and see who is the favourite amongst your followers, then tag four people to do the same.

i'll tag @1ittlesparrowlegs @thelastplantagenet @causalityparadoxes and uh. anyone who sees this post

[natequarter]

For the “Top 5” ask meme:

Top 5 fiction books

Top 5 nonfiction books

😊📚

fiction (this list could be so much longer):

the last of the sky pirates, by paul stewart and chris riddell. an all-time favourite.

earthsea, by ursula k. le guin. exactly as good as everyone says it is.

the game of kings, by dorothy dunnett. this is my 'currently reading' fave, and it's brilliant

the adventures of alianore audley, by brian wainwright. james bond meets edward iv. sidesplittingly funny

dissolution, by c. j. sansom. i'm not sure yet if it's the best book of the series, but it is the first book, so i'll leave it at that

non fiction:

latin alive: the survival of latin in english and the romance languages, by joseph b. solodow. it sounds incredibly dry but i assure you, it's very insightful

english after rp, by geoff lindsey. a comprehensive breakdown of how standard southern british english sounds, and why conventional descriptions are outdated

henry viii's last victim, by jessie childs. not infallible, but enjoyable for me, personally

tudor england: a history, by lucy wooding. a less tiresome overview of tudor england than usual

what if? by randall munroe. fun nonsense with real science

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For the reading ask...

2, 4, 5, 7, 11

2; What’s something you read recently and disliked?

she-wolves, by helen castor. it's a bit too fictiony for history, at least for my tastes, and it has some rather grating comments on the beginnings of the tudor dynasty. i like its appraisals of the empress matilda and how she has been judged very differently to stephen Thanks To Misogyny. this, on the other hand...

And while the claim to the throne, such as it was, of the entire Tudor dynasty had come through a woman, Henry VII’s mother had still been alive in 1485 to see her son crowned. Why, then, if women could indeed rule, had Westminster Abbey not rung with cheers at the coronation of Queen Margaret Beaufort?

it's because if any woman were to be crowned queen in her own right, it'd be elizabeth of york! who gets the occasional mention as The Mother Of A Dynasty Anyway Moving On. sorry not all historical women can be joan of arc on steroids, helen!

other than that, though, it's generally a good read.

5: What is your favourite non-fiction book?

tudor england: a history, by lucy wooding. fantastic tudor takes (so to speak) which give all the tudors nuance, not just The One The Author Likes. covers a variety of tudor history and elements of tudor society. highly recommend.

11: What’s a book you’ve recently re-read?

the adventures of alianore audley. also, gideon the ninth and harrow the ninth, by tamsyn muir. all very good books which i recommend

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[natequarter]

1 and 4 for the book asks!

1: What’s something you read recently and enjoyed?

henry viii's last victim, by jessie childs. it's a biography of henry howard's life, which i finally finished. there's some parts i didn't like/disagreed with, but overall it's a decent overview of, in effect, most of henry viii's reign

4: What are your top three comfort reads?

ooh, i'm not sure! probably several of the books already named - the adventures of alianore audley, a single shard, my side of the mountain, or the edge chronicles (a series, not a book)

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