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#the actual close ups didn't work well
kelpshippingceo · 28 days
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I absolutely LOVE teen beach movie so I thought I'd make a greenflower au of it!
close ups under cut
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN#honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog#where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags#kyle dubas#toronto maple leafs#& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe#& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit.#this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!!#my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor#the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi#that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like#ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds#how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid#the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines#i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer#brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc#bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always#know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works#no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried.#i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs#i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick)#& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen#narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel#about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO#did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle)#OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner#if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf#simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2#one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry#liv in the replies
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emeraldblonde · 11 days
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I tried to mod something and the good news is, it didn't crash the game. 🥳 The bad news is, not what I was looking for lmao.
Like, don't get me wrong. I've seen way worse (the stuff of nightmares) on a modding channel I've been teaching myself this stuff lately, so. It's not like I completely fucked this thing up or anything like that.
It's just... I still gotta ask though.
What went wrong here?
#personal#my mods#(sort of kjdkd)#i was just lamenting this stuff on a fandom discord channel. saying i'm at my wits' end here and about to quit this shit#i tried following a tutorial on a modding channel and i got the whole thing working for the most part#he's sized correctly. animations seem to work. nothing is stretching apart from hair. the textures are all fucked up now but yeah#but because what i'm trying to do here is a little different than what that tutorial does#(they still keep pointing to that very same tutorial though)#it seems that either i did something wrong. maybe i skipped some important part?#(because one answer claimed if it's a model extracted from the same game it doesn't need to be rigged or weight-painted)#but then that video tutorial also says you need to separate some parts so that nothing's stretching etc.#which is obviously a thing that's happening above. that hair is in fact stretching. A LOT#i'm guessing because cloud and zack have different hair. so they must have different hair physics or something#but then. i also learned on that channel that zack doesn't have his own animations. because he's neither playable/non-playable#because he only appears in this one cutscene towards the end of the game. he has his own model and textures though#so i don't know whether that means he doesn't have his own physics either or...?#meaning i probably need to use another model's hair physics as well and somehow transfer them on zack's hair too or smth like that maybe#i don't know. i'm so confused#like i've put so much effort into this. so many retries already. i'm getting sick of the shaders input part actually lmao#and i'm so close but i'm stuck!#i tried asking for help on a modding channel but because my question didn't get answered in a couple of hours i chickened out and deleted i#and now i'm like i need help. i just don't know what i did wrong 🙈 i need strength and courage
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This week on "CJ needs to gush about DAO": Morrigan's dark ritual.
I adore Origins because depending on how serious you take roleplay, every decision you make is a thread that leads back to your origin, and in this case of the ritual, who you choose to romance can have a major impact on how you handle this choice.
For context, my canon run is with a female Tabris who romances Alistair and keeps him as a Grey Warden, and is close friends with Morrigan. It's more in character for my Tabris to reject Morrigan's ritual and not even bring it up to Alistair, which would result in her leaving him behind while she makes the ultimate sacrifice in killing the archdemon... however, agreeing to convince Alistair to do the ritual with Morrigan is the only choice in the entire game where I break roleplay because I'm selfish and weak and I want Tabris to live.
I have a lot of strong feelings about the ritual, like it hurts me. It makes me want to chew on furniture. I can talk about it until I can talk no more. I so badly want to be strong enough to remain in character and reject the ritual.
Let me explain: Tabris survives an origin that deals with sexual assault. She gets kidnapped on her wedding day, she watches the other kidnapped women and her husband get murdered, and then is too late to save Shianni from being assaulted... and Tabris carries that trauma with her throughout the entire game.
If the way to save her life is to ask the two most important people she cares about; one being her lover and the other being her best friend; who she knows hate each other, to have dubiously consensual sex in order to make a baby to absorb the old god soul... she's saying no. The last thing Tabris would ever do is put someone into a sexual situation where consent is at all dubious after what she saw happen to Shianni and nearly happened to herself. She'd rather die than force that upon Alistair and Morrigan.
That's what I mean when I say origin affects everything; I know some will side eye that with "Really? Your warden would rather die than let Alistair sleep with another woman? It's one time, and Alistair agrees to it, so no one needs to die?"
Let me be clear in saying this isn't a "Morrigan slept with my man" issue. Sure, that part's awkward and it sucks, but that's not even breaking water tension, let alone diving into the deep waters to the core of the issue.
For my Tabris, this is about betrayal, consent, and accepting fate.
The person offering Tabris this deal is someone she thought of as a trusted friend who has actually been lying to her the entire time. It doesn't matter what Morrigan's intentions are now or if she genuinely wants to save the wardens. She knew from the beginning why Flemeth sent her with them, she admits as much. She knew a warden would need to make the ultimate sacrifice and then leveraged that to get what she wants. Morrigan waited until the night before, when Alistair and the warden learn one of them has to die to defeat the archdemon, and took advantage of the high running emotions and possibly the fear of dying to make the warden agree to her ritual.
At least, that's how my Tabris interprets this confrontation. She feels betrayed by someone she came to love like a sister and went out of her way to help Morrigan with her mother upon learning what's in Flemeth's grimoire. And then that someone tells her no one needs to die, she just needs to convince Alistair to sleep with her... which is a huge fucking problem.
The Alistair and Tabris romance is slow; it took a long time for either of them to be comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and trusting each other with basic intimacy, let alone sex. Tabris is mortified at the idea of putting Alistair in this situation. Not only would it feel like a betrayal on her part to ask that of him, but she knows the last thing Alistair ever wants to do is father a bastard who then goes on to grow up without him. How could she possibly ask him to do that?
Then you consider that ritual or no, there isn't a guarantee that they'll survive anyway. Say they do the ritual and Tabris dies anyway; she made Alistair sleep with Morrigan in order to save her and then she died anyway. Or if Alistair dies then Tabris gets to live with the fact that the last person Alistair was with was a woman he hates because she asked that of him… and either way, Morrigan gets to walk away with what she wanted.
Tabris led the group, and she's accepted that if Riordan dies [which he does] then she'll be the one to make the sacrifice, even if it means breaking both hers and Alistair's heart.... except she doesn't because I'm a coward who doesn't want to lose her because my worldstate isn't good without her in it but I also refuse to lose Alistair so I just pretend it plays out differently in my head it's fine-
But... that's how I play Tabris and view the situation. My friend @pi-creates and I have discussed the dark ritual at length. While I play a Tabris who romances Alistair, Pi plays a Mahariel who romances Morrigan, so we have vastly different interpretations of the ritual itself and Morrigan's intentions.
Which yeah, it makes total sense that someone who romanced Morrigan with a different origin, and has the option to do the ritual with her rather than asking someone else to do it, wouldn't see this the way I do.
To quote Pi: "Playing as a male warden in the Morrigan romance makes the whole situation feel different, and maybe it’s because she’s presenting it differently due to the emotional connection, but it feels more like she’s opening up about her initial instructions (that she had been given by Flemeth) and offering a solution to avoid the possibility of death. And for my Mahariel, the constant threat of sudden death has haunted him from the start – he caught the blight and was ripped away from his clan (something he did not want to do in the slightest), got forced into a Grey Warden ritual that could kill him, was forced into a battle that could kill him, going on this whole quest that he never wanted but has now become responsible for regardless of his thoughts on the matter… the dark ritual may be one of the few moments where he is presented with an option to decide if he wants to walk into certain death, or take actions of his own volition to stop it.
"The idea of the ritual still feels like a dodgy thing to do since the ultimate outcome is unknown at that point, he’s taking Morrigan at her word that it will save the warden and that this child would be unharmed, just with an old god soul that she isn’t exactly clear on why she wants that and is determined to runaway immediately after the battle to secure it properly. It could be interpreted that it’s purely a preservation thing, but I’m biased to wanting Morrigan's intentions to not be power based.
"But also, taking part in the ritual isn’t as outlandish for my warden since he and Morrigan have already been involved in an intimate relationship. It’s the future of the ritual that is scarier – the idea of this old-god baby, and the idea of Morrigan insisting that she’s leaving afterwards when Mahariel and her have a loving relationship. He’s hurting, but he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want Alistair to die, he doesn’t want Morrigan to leave, he definitely doesn’t want pregnant Morrigan to leave on her own… it’s complicated, but for completely different reasons."
And I find that fascinating. I want to know how other players approach this part of DAO, what origins they play, and who they romanced. Seriously, this is an invitation to anyone reading to share their thoughts.
What about a warden who doesn't even have Alistair in their party because they made Loghain a warden? Is there anyone out there who has Loghain do the ritual with Morrigan and why? What about male wardens who don't romance her? Do you choose to do it with her anyway, or do you ask Alistair or Loghain to do it? Do you tell Morrigan to fuck off with the ritual? Why? Who makes the ultimate sacrifice in that case? And what about Morrigan herself? How do you interpret her intentions/motivations? I want to know.
I'm telling you, this is a discussion that gets me excited, as most discussions about DAO do.
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cerise-on-top · 7 months
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Sorry if anything sounds weird, English isn't my first language. But could you write a Farah x reader that gets flustered quickly?
Also, mentioned that you had a moth demon OC in the tags of one of your posts, she sounds cool! Could you show her? If you can't no worries 🫶
Hey! Don't worry about your English, it's fine ^^ And yeah, I do have a moth demon OC! Her name is Arya and I love her dearly! The one above is a picture of her in her human form drawn by Castawolf on Etsy and the picture below is one I drew when I was 17 or so! I never said I was an artist, I can't draw at all, so that was the best I could do back then! She'd be beige and a lot more fluffy, though :3 She was kind of inspired the the Radiant from Hollow Knight! Useless trivia, I know, but I just get so excited whenever I get to talk about her!!
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Farah with a Reader who gets Flustered Easily
Farah would have a field day with you from time to time. While she won’t go out of her way to fluster you each time, she sometimes will do so. It’s just too cute, the way you go quiet, stumble over your words or fumble around a bit. Yes, she knows that she has to maintain the trust between the two of you, and thus she shouldn’t be playing around with you too much, but come on! It’s so much fun! Sometimes she just has to tease you about it as well and watch you get defensive over your behaviors. It’s all just too endearing to her. Sometimes Farah will stand closer to you than necessary, touch you a bit more than needed, like holding your face in her hands when you won’t stop looking away from her, or just straight up compliments whatever it is you’re doing. If you’re especially close, then she might just give you a kiss to your cheek to watch you hide behind your burger, for example. While she may not be the most cuddle-seeking person out there, she’ll offer you more hugs than usual, if just to watch you freeze up and go speechless. However, only she is allowed to fluster you like that, anyone else needs to grow up and leave you alone. Anyone else could be malevolent and tease you the wrong way. No, she can’t have that. If you’re flustered because of someone else, then Farah won’t take too kindly to it. You’re hers to fluster and no one else. This may or may not be because of the crush she has on you, but she would never admit to such a thing. As far as you’re both concerned she just likes to tease you. But never too harshly, she doesn’t want to see you cry either. Will tone it down a bit if it’s obvious you’ve become uncomfortable and apologize, but it will happen again, I can assure you of that.
#cod#cod x reader#farah karim#farah karim x reader#Farah is honestly so cute I've definitely come to appreciate her even more ever since people started sending in more requests for her#as of late the number of requests I've gotten for her is insane#for the girls in general I'd say#I wake up and all I see are Valeria Farah and Laswell#every day I am haunted by those pretty girls and I get to write for them#also thank you for asking about Arya!! she's my girl and I adore her!!#I actually played as her in my DnD campaign and in BG3 as well!#back when I used to be in the selfship community I used to selfship with her as well#even now I like to imagine her and I being very close! she's a good friend of mine I'd say! helps me get through anxiety inducing situation#I know you didn't ask but she's a mischievous and somewhat cocky asshole who can be a sweetheart as well#I actually created her during my DMCV phase. good times#I just thought it would be really cool to have a demon OC!#so naturally I commissioned someone to draw her! and I commissioned such a great artist for that!!#castawolf is genuinely amazing! I've worked with them twice now and I am so satisfied!!#One of these days I'm gonna share some more art I commissioned because there are some pieces that make my heart sing with glee#but for now I am far too shy to do so haha#anyway if Arya is as much as mentioned I will go mental and talk nonstop about her. but unfortunately there's a tag limit#you'll go free this time anon haha
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starsinthenigth · 2 months
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★Victim to the sand of time.★
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You know, I'm glad that some of us take the step to embrace things that we like even if they're "cringe" or "objectively bad"
But perhaps we could take the next step forward and embrace the idea of reading into books/shows/movies/etc even if they don't seem deep. Perhaps we could understand that the two kinds of media aren't either "shallow and meaningless so you're weird and brainrotted to read into it" or "incredibly and profoundly deep in every way so if you don't analyze every single angle of the thing then you're brainrotted". Some media is deeper than others, but all I propose is that no matter how deep it seems it's acceptable to dig into the thing and take the media seriously instead of just assuming that because of ____ thing (such as target audience or how cringe it is) the media not deep and will never be deep and everything good about it happened on accident.
#fandom wank#i just be ramblin#I'm not putting this in any tags#I'm just frustrated that Sonic Prime is going to be remembered by the bulk of its fanbase/people who watched it as a shallow stupid badly#written kid's show where the only thing good about it that we can even consider was created on purpose and is deep is Sonadow#I'm frustrated that when people learned that sometimes the death note creators did things because it was cool and not because they were#planning for it to be some great symbolism that so many people jumped from 'death note is a masterpiece and every bit of it is meticulously#thought out the curtains are never blue' to 'pack it up guys! the curtains are just blue! Everything good about death note like that#profound relationship I like and the neat symbolism completely happened by accident and Ohba sucks as a writer otherwise'#I'm frustrated when I see people talk about 'a kid's show' as if it's not gonna be deep at all or written well *because#it's a kid's show and then turn around and complain that said show sucks and isn't deep at all (even if that's how they're choosing to look#at it and they could see the care put into the story if they didn't go into it assuming that it will be lesser and shallow and dumb based on#what it is)#I guess it's also just getting me on this random Wednesday the idea that the bulk of one's viewers determine the legacy of a piece of media‚#no matter how close or far away they are from painting the media as it actually is or tries to bw#It's also just bleak (especially from a manga/anime standpoint) that if your work is considered profound and intellectual‚ then any reveal#of something not being deep is grounds for people to completely swap how they think of your work and how they see you as a writer#And any work that's considered 'not actually that deep' from the getgo ends up with people only engaging with it seriously saying stuff like#'I know nothing about it is purposeful or deep but I like it'#and just ends up with prevailing opinion putting down anything percieved as 'good' or 'profound' about the work as a complete fluke
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spaghett-onaplate · 2 months
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i don't think i really get angry, maybe a bit annoyed sometimes, but mostly i just get sad instead. i had a long conversation with my friend about how our minds work and also became conscious of how quiet my mind is. kind of numb. idk it used to be loud but i think that could just have been being a kid
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shoecrabs · 9 months
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i honestly don't think anyone will care but I keep brainrotting over the idea of a pjo/rainworld au
I've turned the Seven into funky slimy cats dealing w concepts far beyond their comprehensions lmao
#my brainrots have mutated more than 5p's structure send help 💀#i present you: slugcat au where the gods are iterators#(names + abilities pending)#the big 3 kids are purposed organisms and the rest “natural” slugcats#Frank (The Juggernaut) is the chief of the clan and has to deal with these random ahh weirdos (the 3) rocking up#he's honeslty like Gourmand with less cooking skills and more endurance lmao- just a muscle powerhouse fit into a slimy rodent body#Jason (The Turbine)'s retired from being a Messenger and has no clue what to do with his life now (he becomes a scholar later on)#he's a centipede/wing hybrid and can electrocute anything he grabs given enough pips + can double jump (to handle Pipeyard lol pray for him#Percy (The Navigator) wonders off to explore since his creator didn't really HAVE plans for him other than occasional missions#he's honestly just colour swapped Rivulet with less spear skills (but can aim and throw them really well under water)#Hazel (The Martyr/Apostate) pulling a power move and refusing to die lol#she escaped the void & probably does everything to keep herself bound to the cycle in fear of getting dragged back#she doesn't have anything really special that i can think of other than actually dealing damage with debris and being able to wall climb#Annabeth (The Weaver) as lookout for ancient research and really good at building ladders/utilising the landscape. the most basic scug tbh#she can also take spears off of walls p easily and probably has a grapple worm friend#Piper (The Mimic/Paradigm? names r hard) being able to copy plant toxins/abilities. does most damage up close & is mostly a herbivore#like eating sporepuffs for a smokescreen. cherrybombs to scare off/stun into unconsciousness. lilypucks/slime mold to glow and etc#Leo (The Artillerist) as a scrawny little guy with explosives. fast but physically weak. he has to rely on his int and makes the clans tool#basically Arti/Monk mix without double jump but able to reassemble Iterator parts (jesus i had to Work to not accidentally copy her design)#Festus is a lizard!! he's probably a stupidly big Yellow and is our beloved. he got saved by Artillerist and followed him ever since :)#alternatively: an au where Leo just ends up in rw and insults 5p (who is confused on how an ancient survived and why he's Like That)#pjo#rain world
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hoyt-and-cavanaugh · 1 month
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5.4: Judgement Day
Lily: What about you, Woody? Are you okay? Woody: I took down a killer. I'm fine.
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adore-gregor · 3 months
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ugh there it goes
#our promotion 😢😢#1st place is gone#today was tough our opponents were all way better than us#we only won 1 match out of 6#now they're leading our league well we should at least win our last matchday and get 2nd place#the no1 seed was in another league from ours 6:0 6:0 altough she's quite a good player at our club#we only won one doubles match altough they were not as good by far as their other players#and all the matches were quite one sided they were also way higher rated than us#i also lost my match 😫 altough it was quite close actually but that is even worse sometimes idk#i certainly could have won idk why i didn't i mean there were not many chances but they were there#i lost 5:7 4:6 ugh 😭#maybe with a better serve i would have won#but i was 5:4 up and i didn't win that point like that's when you have to be there and make it#i think this might just be one of my weaknesses i'm really good at conebacks and believing in that i'll win but i have to be more effective#and 'cold' when it matters sometimes i'm quite wasteful with my chances#i often make the craziest most difficult shots which are 'impossible' to get back but then fail at the easiest one's#especially in the crucial moments maybe i should play it safe more and be more patient#nah but winning that first set would have changed everything because 3rd sets are more likely to be my advantage with my speed and fitness#and in the 2nd i was just always one behind i always caught up but never went ahead#my serve also wasn't really there today and my 2nd serve is still too weak opponents take advantage and if i have a bad 1st serve percentage#like today it makes it difficult to win my own serve and i also made many double faults (4) 😕#i aced her once tho 🤪#but my serves are sometimes great but very inconsistent dependent on the day (the 2nd one always bad)#my backhand also wasn't as good as usualy i hit a lot of them out but it got better altough then i took many with my forehand which worked#and my opponent had riddiculous stops they wouldn't go up the ground again 🫠#and she was so good at net and also whenever i went there she'd pass me or lob me 😅#i gave up doing that very soon my best shot at this was just hitting winners and hitting balls deep to her forehand#i succeeded at that a couple of times but it was not enough#i mean i didn't play badly but what a shame#she was very nice though and very fair it was a pleasant match and she told me she was the best opponent she encountered in the league
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drysauce · 3 months
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truly a blessing that im not home right now or i don't what i'd do to my roommate. fucking audacity
#long story short results from the final test from water constructiona got posted#she got the 9th highest score out of all 150 people#i barely passed having 2 points over the limit and our 3rd friend was short on 3 points so she will have to retake#mind you that last girl was the one who actually put the most work into this out of us three#she actually thoroughly prepared me while i read the presentations twice and my roommate didn't do anything at all#roommate got a cheat sheet minutes before the test from some rando and just copied the answers that were there#and now is boasting how she got one of the top scores without wasting any time#got lucky okay that's life#but then on the general uni group chat one guy asked about when's the 2nd try for the test#and i response to which my roommate on our private group started a whole ass monologue#that how in the worst HE didn't pass this. he was always getting top scores from all the subject. he got a 5.0 from hydrology#well shut the fuck up he's just some guy who's a student like anyone else#it's not set in stone that he'll always have top scores because it's just fucking hard anyway can do worse sometimes even top students#maybe he was tired maybe he didn't have time to study maybe he didn't have any cheat sheets and just tried to rely on his knowledge#anything can happen and he can get any grade just like anyone can#very few things piss me off as much as people saying stuff like her#i got so heated up over this that my head started to hurt#i hate it here#this is what makes me always so damn anxious before any test#because if i fail everyone always starts asking what happened and how ME out of all people didn't pass#so now when dhe started saying this about that guy it just hit to close to home i guess#i need to go on a walk to cool down
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oreegaanoo · 6 months
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A sensual drawing coming out soon-ish, I started drawing some touchy fitpac art some time ago and it's just about finished :)
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Got so excited about what was in vault 47 I forgot I was listening to a radio play about fallout 4
#random thoughts#fallout#what could it be that gave nick such a disturbed reaction? pre-war nick valentine? commissioner turner? johnathan widmark?#one of the members of BADTFL?#nope it's just. the silver shroud? who was actually a real person?#which is hilarious and i DO think that's what they're going for but the fact the silver shroud bought and hid in his own private vault#is WEIRDLY SIMILAR to eddie winter and also is very much a dick move considering he was a bringer of justice#and like. his vault was literally made for only two people#'shielding the innocent' my ass#also if the crystal jewel whatever does end up being legit and they don't end up doing a weird reset and make everyone alive again#im gonna be SO PISSED#it would be so cool if the crystal like basically reset reality so that nothing happened#and the end of the show is the closing of an entirely seperate case and nick is so fucking confused#i would also like it if the crystal didn't work and everyone stayed dead but if it DOES work and they DONT USE IT imma be pissed#i like that the ss is close friends with nick hancock and danse the identity crisis trio#and that apparently ss and danse were an item? that's cool#also like that the ss is a lady that's a great choice#literally no one gives a shit about nate and it's hilarious#i am wondering which deaths were based on who was available and which deaths were written in from the beginning#loving the fake ad breaks the one about sugar bombs was REALLY well-voiced on the mom and kid's part#i DO wish it took on a more classical noir approach in terms of structure and plot#like it started off like that and then everyone started dying but it's just a personal preference so whatever#LOVE the sole's very clear personality and how she didn't make all the right choices in-game like with the cabot family ending
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genderfluid-druid · 1 year
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dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"
#i think there are two layers of questioning to deal with#the first layer is easier to see and that's the trauma-related layer#the second layer has been going stealth for years and is more intrinsic#the second layer *could* have been a contributing factor toward the first#so anyway the question is. as i work through the trauma and have the support of a therapist to deal with the first layer#does the second layer become an issue. or is there only the first and it's just worked itself deep enough that it now feels intrinsic#the thing is i do get crushes and i do yearn and i can't remember a time when i didn't crave the idea of a relationship#so that should be that right? not aro. at least not intrinsically.#but why did i always end up losing interest in the relationship once i had it#was it really just because i wasn't dating people i actively chose#honestly maybe. there *was* B. i don't know how much longer that might've continued if logistics hadn't put an end to it#and M....... M is a tricky one. because even though i left that relationship by my own choice. i kind of had to in order to not want to die#the thruple vibes with K were just so utterly rancid and M was just so incapable of doing anything to make it better#so yeah. maybe that one could've continued indefinitely IF two to three of the people involved had been#a leeeeetle more mature and well adjusted. maybe. but desire for a relationship was not the issue.#so okay. maybe im NOT aro. maybe i just have shitty taste in men. you know? that's a distinct possibility.#okay. so now on the other hand. let's look at how happy and enlightened I've felt since starting to *use* the aro label#cuz it actually is fantastic. the freedom to just feel love and affection for anyone I'm close to and not have to worry about#it being taken in a way i don't intend. that's great i love that#and not feeling any pressure to find The One? rocks. good shit. i can just let whatever relationships be what they're gonna be#and not have to fret over assigning a label and structures and expectations. hot shit.#(honestly it's helping me understand where M was coming from in a way that would've been. you know. pretty useful six years ago.)#i don't wanna lock myself in a relationship with friend E but it's great hanging out with her on a regular basis#cuz that's the amount of affection i feel for her. enough to chill and watch Owl House. not enough to be in each others' space all the time#(god idk if I'll ever want to be around anyone all the time ever again. that is a LOT for my limited batteries)#idk how physical affection fits into this yet. that area is still under development#but like. if my friends were cool with it and i knew they wouldn't take it too seriously then YES i would probably kiss almost any of them#and i THINK that's true and not me telling myself something i think I'm supposed to believe? i THINK.#'s always the possibility that i just very badly want to be kissed and my brain is looking to make that happen in a way that isn't scary#ah shit that’s 30 tags. i’ve done it again.
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multishipper-baby · 2 years
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After that last post about Golden's family I've been obsessing over them and writing a whole backstory in my head for them send help
#fnafhs#ideas so far: golden's paternal grandpa is the one with all the money and fame and he's very controlling about all that#he only had a child so he'd have a successor when he died and he doesn't care about his kids (or grandkids for that matter)#he had a son (golden's dad) and a daughter (joy's mom) and he filled them both with toxic ideas of family and fame and all that shit#(we might talk more about joy's side of the family later but we'll focus on golden for now)#anyway. golden's parents had an arranged marriage that actually worked out pretty good for them#dad wanted an heir but didn't want to raise children#mom wanted children but needed someone to take care of her own business so she could focus on raising a family#they didn't love each other but they did work really well together and both families became richer with their marriage#anyway golden is born so now we have an heir but dad thinks they probably should get a second one#you know. in case the first one spontaneously dies or just grows up to be a loser that can't run the company#they decide that it would be an amazing idea to have the second baby close to the first so they can grow up together#spoilers: it wasn't an amazing idea. there's complications- baby is born weak and mom ends up real sick#(the baby is gold because I like the idea of golden having an evil lil brother. leave me alone)#anyway mom has her ups and downs over the years but eventually dies of cardiovascular disease#dad doesn't want to take care of two children so he pawns them off to grandpa#who forces golden into the music industry to grow his business even more#so yeah those are my thoughts for now#future au
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