#the Star separated the first half from the second half of the fic and playlist

[gggoldfinch]

Lonely Universe • fic playlist

AO3 fic link • spotify playlist link

Undone, Undress Marika Hackman // Brutus The Buttress // Poor Marionette Sarah Cothran // Watering Big Thief // Forget MARINA // Creator, Destroyer Angel Olsen // Paul Big Thief // Never Be Mine Angel Olsen // So Cold Cat Clyde // Lonely Universe Angel Olsen ★ Woe to All (On the Day of My Wrath) Lingua Ignota // Angst Rammstein // Body Terror Song AJJ // …Familiar Place Lucy Dacus // Montezuma Fleet Foxes // The Morning After MEG MYERS // I Love You But I’m Lost Sharon Van Etten // The Night We Met Lord Huron // Bygones Keaton Henson

Disclaimer: unedited photos found on Pinterest

[kalimagik]

The Moment I Knew

Based off of “The Moment I Knew” – Song by Taylor Swift 

Tom Holland x Reader 

<2k

Warnings: Just Angstyyyyyyy

A/N: This is Pt. 1 of 2 fics that essentially go together, but can be read separately. I’m just now starting to put my writing out on Tumblr and this is my second go and first time posting a Tom Fic! If you enjoy reading it, like, reblog, comment, or even follow! I may be posting for me, but hope you all enjoy it! <3

Read Part 2 here!

*Gif isn’t mine! Credits to owner 

A Few Days Before Y/N’s Party 

“You sure you’ll make it? Your agent will let you off for a few hours to celebrate my birthday?” Y/N asked worriedly as she finished some of the homemade decorations for her classy 22nd party. 

“Alisha said that the interviews and press all finish around 4, so I will definitely be there for the 6 o’clock debut of the beautiful birthday girl!” Y/N could hear Tom beaming through the phone. 

“You promise?” 

“I promise,” Tom reassured Y/N.

“Okay! Yay! I love you! See you in a few days!” Y/N excitedly said as she wished Tom goodbye. 

Day of Y/N’s Party

The lights were all strung, the food was nearly done, and Y/N had put on her sophisticated party dress with a coordinating red lipstick. It was actually Tom’s favorite shade on her. 

Not only was today Y/N’s birthday, but it would be the first time this month that she would be seeing her famous boyfriend. He had been in the country for nearly a week, but had been so busy with press for Far From Home that he hadn’t had any time to see her.

Y/N glanced at the clock. It read 5 o’clock. Her phone had not rang with Tom’s tone all day after his happy birthday call in the morning and Y/N was starting to worry. She thought he would��ve been to her apartment by now. 

ding-dong

Y/N quickly, but as ladylike as possible, rushed to the door. She really hoped it was Tom with his “baby, I’m right here smile.” She knew that her face would like up like a million shining stars if it was him. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Haz, Zendaya, and a few of Y/N’s other friends yelled as she opened the door to see their faces. 

Y/N put on her best smile, trying to hide her disappointment. She hugged each of her friends, offered them drinks, and gave the aux cord to Zendaya. 

“Let’s get the party started!” Zendaya hollered as she put on one of her infamous playlists. 

Y/N watched her friends have a good time. She let more people in as they arrived, hoping each time that it was Tom, but each time, she became a little more disappointed. 

She tried her best to enjoy the party, but everything swirled around her in slow motion. She wasn’t really present. She played with her party dress, checked her red lipstick, but she didn’t have anyone to impress. 

“Y/N/N! How’s Tom been?” 

Y/N snapped out of her daze and turned towards her friend, Y/F/N.

“Oh um, he’s been good! Had a lot of press since the movie came out! I’m sure Zendaya and Jacob can attest to that…” 

“Oh yeah! He’s of course the most busy…” Zendaya and Jacob start telling stories, but Y/N zoned out again. 

It just hit her that Z and Jacob managed to make it and they had been doing different events all day as well. Checking her phone again, the analog numbers turned from 7:59 to 8:00, still no Tom. 

The hours seemed to be passing by, but the thing about celebrity and important parties is that they never seem to end. By 10:00, Y/N just wanted to be alone. As she quietly excused herself and walked down the hall to her bathroom, Z, Haz, Sam, and Harry all exchanged looks knowing something was wrong. They grabbed her cousin, Y/C/N and followed her down the hall. 

“Y/N/N? Are you okay?” Y/C/N asked, knocking on the door. She came in, sitting next to Y/N on the bathroom floor, the other four followed her in. 

“Yeah. I’m alright. Just a little overwhelmed. You know how it goes!” Y/N answered, trying not to fall apart. However, a sinking feeling in her stomach started to set in. 

She looks up at Y/C/N, Z, Haz, Sam, and Harry, “He said he’d be here…He promised…” she added, almost hopelessly. 

“If he said he was going to be here, then I’m sure he just got tied up and will be here soon! He’s late to most things because of work.” 

“He said Alisha booked everything to finish at 4, so he would get here before anyone else did. I won’t let it bother me though. It’s fine! Really guys! I swear!” Y/N insisted.

“Are you sure?” Z looked at her sadly. 

“Yes! Common guys! Let’s go enjoy my party! I don’t want to keep everyone else waiting!” 

Y/N stood up powerfully, trying to put on an even better face. She is not an actor though. Her boyfriend is. 

Not fooling anyone who came to check on her, they willingly followed her back to the party. They all continued to have a good time and tried to cheer Y/N up, but everything continued in slow motion around her. She drank champagne, laughed when she was supposed to, and continued to check her lipstick just in case. 

She took a moment around 11:00  to look around at all of the faces at her party. She did love each and every one of them, but in all of the faces, the one missing was the one that meant the most to her. 

At that point, she couldn’t take it. The tears just started flowing. She knew everyone would look at her. But what can you do when you start crying in front of everyone you know? Luckily, Haz caught sight of her first. He got Y/N’s best friend Y/BF/N to steal Y/N away and he took the general attention of the party. 

“hey, hey, hey, Bud, what’s wrong?” Y/BF/N tried to soothe Y/N. 

“He was supposed to be here, Y/BF/N. He promised. I haven’t seen him in over a month and it’s my birthday and he said he would make sure. I just can’t do it anymore. I love him, but I can’t just wait around,” Y/N couldn’t help but sob harder. 

“Y/N/N, I’m so sorry. I know how excited you were for today. Everything looks beautiful and you planned for so long. So, what we’re going to do is make it through this party. We are going to fix up your make-up, get through cake, and then you and I can watch all the movies you want. You can vent, you can scream, you can cry. You will get everything out. Okay? But do not let this ruin your birthday! Okay?” Y/BF/N held Y/N’s gaze as she took a few deep breaths.

All Y/N could do was nod her head in response. 

Y/BF/N  fixed up Y/N’s make-up so that it was as flawless as before and led her back out to the party. Haz was still telling funny stories and Y/N was able to sit back in the circle as if she had never left. 

Haz slightly acknowledged Y/N’s presence and shifted his story telling to a story about her and their friendship. That did make Y/N smile. Even better, he left Tom out of the story. It let Y/N know that she did have a special relationship with the friends she had made through Tom over the last year and a half. 

Y/N began to actually enjoy herself in the last hour of the party, that was until they sat her down, dimmed the lights, and lit the candles of her birthday cake. 

The scene was in slow motion all over again. The dress that she knew Tom would love was no longer comfortable, she didn’t even bother with her lipstick anymore, he wasn’t there to impress. 

She looked up quick enough to smile when all of her friends began singing ‘Happy Birthday to you,’ and as much as she tried to enjoy the moment, there was one thing missing in the entire scene. She couldn’t stop thinking about it as she inhaled to blow out her candles. That was the moment she knew, she just couldn’t keep letting herself get disappointed. 

People started to leave and Y/N’s apartment emptied out. She hugged all of her best friends, including Haz, Zendaya, Jacob, and Tom’s brothers. When she finally shut the door for the last time, the clock chimed, letting her know that it was 12:30. 

She leaned her head against the door as she went to lock the deadbolt. She felt a soft hand rubbing her back. Thank God that Y/BF/N did not leave her alone. 

“Common, why don’t you put on some pajamas. You’ll be so much more comfortable that way,” Y/BF/N urged. 

Y/N followed Y/BF/N to her room and took off her party dress. She avoided all of her baggy clothes that were Tom’s and after taking off her make-up, she flopped into bed. 

“Okay! Movie time! We can watch The Other Woman or Legally Blond. Personally, I feel like we should watch Legally Blond because you are just as strong and powerful as Elle, so it’s fitting,” Y/BF/N rambled on. 

Y/N just nodded her head as she buried herself into her covers, leaving space for Y/BF/N to snuggle in next to her. 

The opening scenes played and Y/N finally started to feel relaxed. That was until her phone started vibrating. She was getting a call. 

“Y/BF/N…It’s Tom…” 

Y/N lifted her phone up to her ear with a simple, “Hello?” 

“Y/N, love. Thank heavens you are still awake. I’m sorry I didn’t make it tonight,” Tom tried to apologize. 

Before he could continue on, Y/N interrupted him, “I’m sorry too. Tom. I just can’t talk about this tonight okay? It’s going to lead to an argument and I just spent my entire birthday party being upset. I will talk to you tomorrow.” 

With that, Y/N ended the phone call and burst into tears on Y/BF/N’s shoulder. The whole night just showed her what she needed to do. Her birthday gave her the moment that she knew.

[f-117-nighthawk]

I’m in a Playlist Mood

I was scrolling through my dark matter tag looking for something I made a while ago to reference in the next chapter of Carry Me Home and ran across my last playlist explanation post. It put me in the mood to think about this again, and I’ve added...a lot. The playlist might’ve actually doubled in length since then (Thank You Abyss) and I’ve moved some stuff around in order. So, more playlist meta under the cut (it’s LONG)

So first thing: I’ve actually created two new playlists (well, one new one and actually made the third playlist have more than two tracks) since that post jhadsfljd. Working forwards in time (kinda), we have:

Dark Matter: The Road to Ruin

The Road to Ruin is the Main Playlist, the thing I use to write to, the thing I lie in bed and listen to to think up new things, and half the thing that keeps the timeline in place (it’s actually more updated than World Anvil rn whoops). Here we have overarching plot hooks, character development, and the story of six Paladins and their friends trying to save the universe.

Turn the Lights Out I sort of explained in the last post and I can’t think of too much more to add. The TLDR is it’s about the Lions (and, well, technically [REDACTED] too....) and sort of why I refer to a fully-melded Lion-Paladin duo as Spirits.

(I was here/Will you welcome and recognize me/I'll be there/I was here/Will you dread me, will you despise me/I'll be there/For the last living thing)

Remnants of Stars is again about Galran philosophy and the actual process of the quintessence nurseries filtering quintessence back into the universe. But the bit about giving in to know the truth becomes important much, MUCH later.

(As children of space/With stardust in our veins/We will give in to know the truth/We are the remnants of stars)

Your World Will Fail, Dark Matter, and Eater of Worlds are about [REDACTED], about what happens between that instant between the first plank time and the next. They’re an overarching theme, but also the event that everything else builds from, whether that be interpreted as the beginning of the universe or the Voltron comet crashing into Daibazaal.

(Your world will fail my love/It’s far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can’t imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I’m looking for someone to feed me)

Apocalypse 1992 is actually the main story of Through Apocalypse Skies, although its framing story is shortly after String Theory. It happens between parts of Awakenings, detailing the rise of [REDACTED] and the final hours before the destruction of everything sentient species knew beforehand.

(Fly high through apocalypse skies/Fight for the world we must save/Like tears of a unicorn lost in the rain/Chaos will triumph this day)

You Keep What You Kill covers the slow degeneration of the Empire between The Fall and the Battle of Arus. The knowledge harshly taught by the Thuanial War is forgotten under the influence of Zarkon, Haggar, and [REDACTED]. Marzin and Galraasa quickly rise the ranks as the Empire’s left and right hands, like omens of destruction before them. The four are the ‘holy half-dead,’ the ones who shape the devouring of the universe before them.

(Defying dimensions/These ruthless creatures will steal your soul/Breaking away from the chains of mortality/They won't be taken down/Bow now to the holy half dead/The master to death mongers calls)

The Seven Sisters is about Keith, mostly, and connected to Closure via its influence on Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) and also to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met

(I cast my hope upon The Pleiades/The Seven Sisters who would come for me/They'd fall to Earth to grant a child's dream/But I'm still waiting)

Starlight is the newly added Adashi song. Here, it’s the sad part, based around the time that the SFSS Genesis launches for Kerberos. It also is sort of about Shiro’s thoughts throughout the war as he watches ‘from distant skies’ (and influences String Theory kinda)

(At night the earth will rise/And I'll think of you each time I watch from distant skies/Whenever stars go down and galaxies ignite/I'll think of you each time they wash me in their light/And I'll fall in love with you again)

Abyss is Awakenings again. It’s specifically the Red Lion waking up on Sendak’s ship to her new Paladin, but also sort of the rest of the Lions as they find new Paladins for the first time since The Fall

(Open my eyes in a daze/How long has it been? Am I so out of place?/Warmth I can no longer feel/My mountain is gone, I'm surrounded by steel/The strangest of structures arises ahead/Seems to be held up by nothing/Where have I gone, do I dream?/How can the stars be all I can see?)

Who Will Save You Now is about the Paladins in First Contact. It’s the video messages they send to their families, the warning that Something Is Out Here that they need to prepare for. It’s a declaration of protection for Earth, but a recognition that the Paladins may not be able to do what they say.

(I will not take from you and you will not owe/I will protect you from the fire below/It's not in my mind/It's here at my side/Go tell the world that I'm still alive)

The End of the Beginning and Nobody Gets Left Behind are the aftermath of the Battle of the Sarnan Nebula, the end of season two. The End of the Beginning hasn’t been posted yet, but it’s also the second of the four Closure fics. The End of the Beginning also has influence on String Theory. 

(Every night I die just a little/All this time, I'm caught in the middle/All your life, you fought with no winning/This is just the end of the beginning)

(Don't even try to pretend/That you're rough and just as tough/As when you're missing a friend/Attack and take him back/Cause when the team isn't whole/You've got a hole in your soul)

A Simple Plan is sort of part of The End of the Beginning, but really takes place after it. It’s the newly shuffled Team Voltron attempting to track down Lotor as Haggar tries to keep him under her control, and the new Black Paladin’s slow shift away from the things that he was pushed into and to the Blade. (And... guess what... it has influence on String Theory!) Fun fact I found out recently: The Spiritual Machines are by and large also the people behind Les Friction, which explains so much.

(What is this space we’re climbing/What is this place we’re stuck in/Why do we feel we’re sinking/How do we get out – get out of this) 

Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met skips all the way over Naxzela and to the Mission to the Baaria Shipyards, the first major offensive that isn’t somehow connected to canon (even if only a very very small part of it is actually at the shipyards lol). This is also the song that solidified Keith’s very queer identity in Dark Matter.

(In this lonely place, bathed in silence and thoughts of you/I can't see your face but I'm trying to envision you/So are you really out there? Are you awake with memories/Of a boy you haven't met yet who's wished upon the Pleiades?)

TRIALS (reimagine) and String Theory are.... hoh boy. [REDACTED], [spoilers], and the turning point for a lot of things, which is why it has the honor of being the separating fic between my two main Dark Matter folders. TRIALS being on here is a fun story, because I associate that song very heavily with my main Star Wars fics, since that’s where the series title comes from, but the reimagine version of it gave me such strong Dark Matter vibes, it ended up here. It has heavy influence on the first part of String Theory, and is what I’ve been using for general pacing of the first half. String Theory itself isn’t the weirdest song on the playlist, but it’s really hard to find the connections to it without several layers of abstraction and backstory on [REDACTED]. String Theory is also weaved into a good chunk of fics before it.

(The ending won't be forgotten/It's written in the stars and the hieroglyphs/Sending the lionhearted/The stones break bones, but we're venomous)

(You don't believe in space/You don't believe in light/You don't believe that anything is well beyond your might/We walk across the sky and beneath the ocean floor/We're never going anywhere we've never been before)

House on Fire is the aftermath of String Theory, and a large vibe of We ARE Struggling Together! (Rise Against says it’s about parenting???? lol fuck that) (okay but actually, switch the parental love part to sibling love/general familial love and that’s a pretty good description....)

(So I'll just hold you like a hand grenade/You touch me like a razor blade/I wish there was some other way right now/Like a house on fire we're up in flames/I'd burn here if that's what it takes/To let you know I won't let go of you)

Belgrade is the klance song! It is a) bop b) always stuck in my head because it is That Good. The line in the chorus about ‘sweet songs of seduction’ is eternally funny to be bc a)they’re both ace and b)QPR’s don’t usually involve seduction as far as I know. Belgrade also leads almost directly into...

(We pretend in the darkness/We pretend the night won’t steal our youth/Singing me the sweet songs of seduction/Let me be the fool, fool, fool/Who will live and die for you)

Here to Save You is about Sam. Mostly. It’s also about Pidge. And Zaivorge cannons.

(A slave for humankind/I made sure I would survive/To stay alive/Now it's time to move on/When there's nothing left to prove/I'm coming to get you)

Iron is what eventually replaced Ten Thousand Against One. The plot has actually changed a lot since it was that song like. two years ago (three?) at this point. It has more of a focus on Keith knowing what’s going on due to [spoilers] and coming to accept parts of himself that are suddenly very obvious (kiiiinda the third closure fic?)

(You can't live without the fire/It's the heat that makes you strong/'Cause you're born to live/And fight it all the way/You can't hide what lies inside you/It's the only thing you know/You're embracing that, never walk away)

Birthright and Firewall are not exactly a direct result of Iron, but they wouldn’t happen how they do without it. They’re actually largely about Lotor, but then [REDACTED] swings back into the fray and things learned in String Theory/the framing story for Through Apocalypse Skies hit in full force.

(The voices in my head have all begun to sing/(The voices in your head have all begun to sing)/And they sure as hell hope I am listening/(I sure as hell hope you are listening!))

(They come to your dreams with illusion/They come to bring shape to your mind/You know how to stop the intrusion/We all have to fight for our lives)

and then, The Day the Earth Collapsed

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Here Comes the Reign doesn’t come into full effect until several months after Birthright/Firewall after Galraasa meets their fate, but starts with The Day the Earth Collapsed. It’s largely about Haggar and [REDACTED]

(You made something they can't take away/Now bring the fire of the burning sun on everyone)

Closure is placed where the fourth of its fics is. Closure in general is a lot of Keith’s character development and some of the struggles he goes through to accept his place in the universe and the fact that yes, he does have people that care about him. The last fic is me shining a brighter light on Closure’s chorus and taking a ‘last goodbye’ as never needing to say it again

(I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye)

Ember and Soulbound are two closely related missions involving both Voltron and the Blade (specifically the Dark Whispers) in which [REDACTED] comes in with a vengeance, and some revelations about certain people’s fates are had. Soulbound is actually sort of from Krolia’s perspective.

(Dark matter falling from the sky/Dancing flames reflecting in your eyes as you watch them burn/Watching all your riches witches burn)

(Soulbound, endlessly forever/Locked between the darkness and the light/Don't drown in the swarming, blackened rising/Hold on to humanity and fight)

Darker Matter and Other Worlds Than These are. Well. [REDACTED] and [spoilers] and String Theory’s revelations rearing their ugly head once again, but this time with extra context and just a little bit of [spoiler]

(Dream yourself away/The pull of you shredding time and space)

(There are monsters in the sky/There are demons in the sea/I have seen them with my eyes/I've seen what you won't see/Pull the wool out from your eyes/It won't shade your frail belief/In the end we cannot hide/There are other worlds than these)

Godhunter is a fun one. The combined effects of String Theory, Soulbound, and Darker Matter/Other Worlds Than These come to a head and Team Voltron goes, well, hunting.

(She's been watching for a century/With hatred, and with scorn/If you know the hunter's coming/Then you hide or keep on running/'Cause she's slain the gods before)

My Darkest Hour is revenge for Godhunter, as well as a distraction from it, although Godhunter continues all the way to Louder than Words. 

(When the sun comes crashing down/When the world is spinning round and round/I will face what must be my darkest hour)

Faster Than Light is almost direct aftermath of My Darkest Hour, and sort of the inverse of Godhunter, where now Team Voltron are the hunted, even as they attempt to continue hunting. Oh and, Marzin and [REDACTED] are big parts

(Once more we're flying fast as light/Dark matter passing in the night/Pursued by a force we can't outrun/As we hurtle towards a dying sun/We maneuver through the remnants of a moon/On the solar winds of supernovas/There is not a place to hide, the Matriarch is close behind/It's plain to see she's coming for us all)

The Reckoning, This is a Call, World on Fire, The Wind that Shapes the Land, and Louder Than Words are the finale, what everything has been building towards. Earth’s faction, Haggar, [REDACTED], Voltron, the Empire, and the Coalition, all clash together in a final desperate bid to finish or prevent the final result of Your World Will Fail/Dark Matter/Eater of Worlds.

(I see your face, find peace of mind/Between the madness and the sadness and the fire burning/The end of war, the great divine/We'll see the day of reckoning)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(Search within/Uncover the will to win/Turn against the tide that washes o'er/Find the strength to fall and rise again/Open up the gates, unleash the force/I am the wind that shapes the land/Old as time and twice as strong/Oceans arise at my command/I alone can carry on)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

Dystopian Fiction

Dystopian Fiction is focused on what happens on Earth during the main playlist. I split it out because putting stuff like Cross the Line on the main playlist was getting clunky, and I figure Adam and Veronica (and the rest of the Paladins’ families, but mostly those two) deserve a chance for their story to shine on its own.

Dark Matter is on here because title track, but also it does end up with effects.

(Don't stop, don't think/Move up, don't blink now/On your knees pray for rain/Don't breathe when you take your aim)

Codebreaker is Adam’s song! I have him primarily as a cryptologist for the Garrison, teaching on the side and as a reserve pilot. Aviators says Codebreaker is actually about Cyperpunk 2077 but uhhh Fuck That it’s about Adam being The Best and dealing with...

(Codebreaker can't you find/Can you read between the lines of code?/Tell me all that you know/How far down the hole does it all go)

Cross the Line is the Éskhayklos’ image song. They’re a neo-luddite movement turned terrorist group that are upset with the way the Sol Federation is trying to fix Earth, stating that humans are the one that pushed it into this state, they should leave it to die and die along with it. Akane Shirogane was their worst nightmare. Cross the Line fits because, well, they crossed the line when [spoiler beep] and they were happy about it. (And “human cause” comes into play later when they pick up anti-alien leanings)

(Cross the line, redefine, break away unbent, unafraid/Together we stand in the dark/Seeking the light and what is right, together we cross the line/Our journey will come to an end and then our human cause will be/Justified)

Who Will Save You Now here is about Sam, and the aftermath of Here to Save You, in addition to its referenced role in the main playlist

(Alone with this vision/Alone and blind/Go tell the world I'm still alive)

The Day the Earth Collapsed is exactly what it says on the tin.

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Dystopian Fiction is the title track for this part. With the events of The Day the Earth Collapsed, the Garrison and our heroes on Earth are at their lowest point. It really is a piece of dystopian fiction, between [spoiler] and [spoiler]. And also: “Nobody can shoot me down, not just yet” is about Adam bc Fuck Canon

(I'm a dead man/In the wasteland/I'm a soldier fighting for superstition/Under search lights/In the long nights/We've been written like dystopian fiction)

The Reckoning is the only one of its little subset that made it over here, because it’s the only one that references events from before its eponymous fic (both verses are Very Earth)

(We're all alone, walking in twilight/The night has been long and so many have fallen/Feel no remorse, light will be breaking/Our freedom is worth it all)

Filaments

Filaments is the least complete, mostly because it’s the ‘sequel series’ of sorts. I have ideas for it, but I still haven’t posted most of the major story beats from the main portion of Dark Matter, so I’ve been purposefully putting it on the backburner. I do have enough to write Carry Me Home and put some foreshadowing in other fics.

Dark Matter is here because, well. A) Title track, B) yes, it still has effects. It’s the overarching theme, after all. Filaments sort of has a subtitle itself, which is ‘The Undoing,’ after the other part of the lyric that the subtitle of the main playlist comes from. It’s about undoing a past mistake (that wasn’t obviously a mistake until much later) and reconciling the events of Your World Will Fail.

(I am the keeper/I am the secret/I am the answer/I am the end)

Filaments is the title track of this part. It’s... a little hard to explain why without giving away the entire plot (what little I have planned lol) but it’s about the connections between different parts of the universe, and some fall-out of Darker Matter/Other Worlds Than These.

(These glowing filaments/Conducting this enchanting/Sarcophagus that's holding us)

Starlight is, again, Adashi song, and this time the happy part

(Don't leave me lost here forever/I need your starlight and pull me through/Bring me back to you)

Carry Me Home is what I’m in the process of writing right now, and it’s about the aftermath of the Quintessence War, specifically about how Shiro decides to settle down on Earth and what he does to build himself a home.

(Carry me home to the morning light/carry me home before you wave me goodbye/Oh, carry me home...)

[emmathehalf-bloodhunter]

grow as we go

A/n: this is my first fic/drabble, so feedback is welcome!  I was listening to this song when I got the idea for this and I’m not sure if it was going for more sad or hopeful, but this is gonna be more on the sad side.

Pairing: Uraraka/Deku, Uraraka/Bakugou (platonic) Genre: Angst

                                                     ~~~

Quickly walking to the door and slamming it out of anger, Uraraka huffed as she turned towards the fridge. Making her way over to it, she opened it and stuck her head in the cool air, letting the air cool off her face, along with her temper. After a while, she grabbed a water and turned around, set on going to the guest room to lay down only to stop at the sight of a very familiar box.

Uraraka sat in the middle of the floor next to the box, staring around at her half empty apartment. Putting on a playlist, she started going through the miscellaneous things from their UA days that he had left behind. Several pictures of one of them that the other had taken, them with their friends, and about double that of them together.

You say there’s so much you don’t know You need to go and find yourself You say you’d rather be alone ‘Cause you think you won’t find it tied to someone else

She paused as the song started to play, torn between changing it and listening it out to cry her eyes out to. Reaching for her phone, Uraraka’s gazed landed on the small pink stuffed mochi looking plush that he had won for her at one of the festivals.

Ooh, who said it’s true That the growing only happens on your own? They don’t know me and you

Tears welled up in her eyes as she redirected her hand to pick up the plushie. Bringing it close to her, she hugged it and let the tears fall remembering every detail of that day.

How cute she looked in the new yukata that she had allowed herself to splurge on, and how he wore one that matched hers.

Spending most of the day with their peers and friends, then once night fell, everyone split off on their own or into groups. They had decided to try and make a little date out of it, at least until they had to meet up for the fireworks display where the who class had decided to watch from.

How he had been so proud to win this very plushie for her, and how he had kissed her cheek as he gave it to her, saying it reminded him of how sweet she was.

I don’t think you have to leave If to change is what you need You can change right next to me When you’re high, I’ll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow And we’ll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go

You won’t be the only one I am unfinished, I’ve got so much left to learn I don’t know how this river runs But I’d like the company through every twist and turn

The scene changed to their graduation. Him standing in front of everyone of 3-A making a small speech before the ceremony. They all couldn’t wait to work together and grow to be better Pros. Together.

The Ceremony was a high point for all of them. They were finally done with the school part, on to the real work until. Sure, they had their internships since their first year, but this is where it would all really count. They had made names for themselves, now to show that it wasn’t the wrong choice to train them.

Time for them to work towards making their own agencies.

You don’t ever have to leave If to change is what you need You can change right next to me When you’re high, I’ll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow And we’ll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go

It wasn’t a few months after graduation that they had moved in together. Starting the next chapter of their lives together. Moving all of their stuff from the dorms and their parent’s houses was a chore in and of itself, but they were too excited at the prospect of having a little home together.

Home. It sounded so nice to the both of them.

They would be at separate agencies, but this place was all theirs and they couldn’t wait to see what waited for them in the future.

I don’t know who we’ll become I can’t promise it’s not written in the stars But I believe that when it’s done That we grew up together

Then there was the day he told her he was leaving for America. It broke her heart, and she begged him not to go.

Of course, he wanted her to come with him, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t take the same risk with her career that he could, not when she was trying so hard to help out her parents.

They fought over it, for weeks before the day he was set to leave. Today.

“Tell me you don’t wanna leave.” She begged him one last time.

Picking up his last box, the love of her life turned to face her. Staring down at his old red sneakers, his voice was hoarse as he replied, “As much as I would love to Ochako, I can’t do it anymore,” he sighed, “My plane with All Might leaves soon, do you want to come with me to see me off?”

Getting angry with him, she yelled at him, “If you don’t want to stay, I don’t want to see you off.” She turned her back to him as soon as she finished.

She heard him sigh before he ended the conversation, “If that’s how it’s going to be then fine. But I do love you Ochako, please don’t doubt that.”

Turning around to yell at him some more, she found he was already gone….

 It was only about 20 minutes later when Bakugou had come to check on her. He knew that Deku left today, and after he and Pink Cheeks had started training and being friends since the beginning of their second year, he knew he had to be the one to help her through this. He had knocked on the door twice before pulling out the key that they had forced him to take.

Walking in, he saw the pictures from UA scattered about, along with Uraraka crying. Hearing the song that she had playing, his face softened a tiny bit. Walking over, he picked up her phone and turned the song off. Setting the phone back beside her, he knelt down before putting his hand on her head.

“Oi, Pink Cheeks.”

Uraraka finally looked up from the pictures, only for more tears to gather in her eyes. “Was I not good enough for him to stay, Tsuki?”

Rolling his eyes at the awful nickname she always called him, he comforted her, “No, Cheeks. Deku is just a shitty nerd who doesn’t know what’s good for him.”

“Then why wouldn’t he stay for me?”

“Cause the nerd thinks he has to do exactly the same as All Might. Now come on, Frogger and Icy-hot are waiting at my place. They have ice cream and your favorite shitty horror movies waiting for you.”

“How did they know?”

“Cause Deku told me weeks ago what was going on, and I knew you would need someone there for you.”

Uraraka tackled Bakugou in a hug, “you’re the best friend, you know that right?”

“Yeah, Yeah, now get the hell off, we gotta get going.”

[saltine-kakyoin]

🎶 and jotaro and also kakyoin AND another character..whoever u want ;)

oho… you’ve sent me another message? you know what comes next bro, u brought this upon yourself….this is us now man

anyhow, AH. thos boys…god this one is gonna be so difficult because I have So Many Songs that are tied to them. as for the other character, i think i will do my boy sergio because i really need to share my brainstorming songs for him before i explode! :0 thank you again for sending these in, bro!! have a good night, ily! c:

this will be long bc i always ramble..i will be tagging this as long post for mobile gang!

Jotaro:

thom- i hate to start this off with a jotakak-themed song because i know some people Despise jk. i’m sorry for y’all who do, but ahh this song has been stuck in my head for days now! :’( In terms of the SDA, i always think of this song as like…jotaro’s bittersweet journey w his feelings for kak. it’s something about the like, ghostly windchimes in the beginning, the phone buzzing in the bg, and the “please don’t run away”s man, ahhh. I listen to this song a lot when brainstorming him coming to accept that friendship is as far as he and kak go. However,“ The pitter patter gave a rather rinse and lather feeling/ As opposed to shitty attitudes that made me bitter after laughter/ And I dearly regretted it” really makes me think of pt. 4 jotaro in any context. We only see the end result of his development from SDC, but like hhh… do you think he regrets being so gruff? I think of that 1 fanart where he’s looking at the group picture + hoping they knew he wasn’t annoyed by them (or something along those lines, i forget the exact line…ahh)

something’s missing- So, ofc not all parts of this song apply.. and truthfully, I listen to this song while thinking of the immediate period after the crusade in the SDA and how the crusaders are all left with this hole in them (..@kakyoin literally.. i’m sorry i had to. also, abdul is the hole). Out of all of them, though, I always think of Jotaro the most w this song- “My dad asks, ‘Were you okay out where you were stranded?’ How do I tell him that I wasn’t just okay… I was so much better?” LIKE DAMN THAT IS ONE (1) KUJO JOTARO… :( i think he comes back from the crusade and just feels.. severely misplaced. Going back to Japan and the girls following him to school every morning feels so alien to him.

tempest rhapsody- this song is just… *chef kiss* It makes me think of like. star platinum’s first manifestation, and of the emotions one would feel during a 50-day crusade to a place you’ve never been before, where you run the risk of death at least once a week…how would it feel to know if you got seriously injured in a fight, there would be a very real possibility that your *cough* dearly beloved *cough* mother could die? this song is my answer to that question

only in sleep- another choir song! i cannot help myself. This one is more for canon Jotaro. I’ve read a few fics about the universe reset where he’s reunited with the other crusaders one last time before everything becomes nil, and…..augh. “The years had not sharpened their smooth round faces, I met their eyes and found them mild — Do they, too, dream of me, I wonder, And for them am I too a child?“ is imo such a jotaro 4 am deliberation

softly- THIS. this was the Original jotakak song, no offense thom. i used to listen to this song on REPEAT while reading nessun dorma, ahhh. so much of the sda jotakak dynamic is shaped from that fic and this song, hghshg. Anyhow, now that I’ve worked on the development of their relationship in the sda, this song is most definitely a song for the jotaro who unknowingly pines in 3rd year and then comes to realize that ah…these are Emotions during uni. during their third year, jotaro and kakyoin do a ton of self-exploration, and spend more than one night floating in the pitch black void of the ocean talking about what they’re going to do after graduation with only the stars to accompany them. they lose this when jotaro goes to florida for uni + kakyoin paris, but they make up for it by calling each other all the time, so “Touch you softly I call you up late at night” made this song an instant hit in my book ghshghw. I adore this song, through and through. ;u;

post-published honorable mention bc i rediscovered him while i was workin on polnareff’s playlist!! DOLLY ZOOM is another really good song for pining jotaro. in the sda, he feels really Horrible about having a crush on kakyoin for a long time because he and his family (that is phrased weird, i am sorry) are the entire reason kakyoin got a hole punched right through his abdomen and spine. they’re the entire reason kakyoin spent months learning how to walk and use his legs again. he doesn’t do anything except bury his feelings because, to him, it’d be Really selfish to do otherwise. i listened to dolly zoom nonstop when i started writing Jotaro’s Decade-Long Yearn because it captures the guilt really well, ahh.

Kakyoin (it is 1:24 am as i’m starting this… let’s see how long i agonize over this part lmao)

ultraviolence- ahh, ze Mindworm Song. I really despise diokak and the fact that he had to spend like…3-4 months with the mindworm just chilling in his brain, but I can’t ignore the fact that he latched onto dio’s friendship and was initially elated to have that whole thing happen. It haunts Kakyoin in canon, and it Most Definitely haunts him in the SDA, and i think he and jotaro have a lot of conversations about how and why and what that whole experience was like. I always end up coming back to this song when brainstorming this year in the au. The beginning just sounds so lonely, and the background choir/ voices really give me the heebie jeebies. Then, there’s the build-up to the beat drop, which really make me think of like. what being mindwormed could feel like? And how it must feel to be so lost in that sauce that you become a passenger in your own mind, lost to the whim of one super manipulative vampire, augh. “You give me love, you know you give me love with your ultraviolet rays” ties into a few of FKA Twigs’ other songs where she sings about not being enough and really obsessively deriving love from someone whose attention is ultimately really harmful and unhealthy, and I think about that and Kakyoin a lot. :(

sound and color- so truthfully, this is my go-to song for any character that dies/almost dies and comes back, or goes through a Huge Life Change. kakyoin fits both of these bills to a T! this song makes me think of getting used to being around such a rowdy but tight-knit group of people who genuinely care about you All Day Long after spending your entire life in isolation. I always think of like, a happiness montage when the second half of this song comes around, and the montage i daydream about for kak during that section is *chef kiss* Sound + Color is like one of the best songs ever, and it’d be a crime to not have a kak setting for it. 

first love/late spring- fellas, here’s the kakyoin equivalent to jotaro’s softly. this song was IT, back when the sergio-divergent au and the “All the Crusaders Live” au were two separate things. back then, kakyoin and jotaro’s realization that oh, fuck, they really meant the entire world to each other happened much earlier in the plot. Looking back on that now makes me squint, but I do think that this song is still really fitting for kakyoin exploring those feelings- friendship is one thing, but romance is something entirely different and a lot more intimate. i think it’s a tug-of-war for him, between wanting to jump in to those feelings and wanting to run far far away from them because he doesn’t want to be wrong and ruin their friendship. good times in the kak hole

last words of a shooting star- I really love the bastard fucker side of kakyoin that is explored and celebrated in our fanon, but I can never shake the fact that some of his last thoughts were of his parents (and i think he was sorry for making them worry? which… baby…) and that his polite, “outwardly anxious” presentation was this big facade for like.. the Deep and Soul-Wrenching loneliness he felt because he was a stand user? The first stanza and “They’ll never know how I’d stared at the dark in that room/ With no thoughts” make me think of kakyoin deeply- if his family had never gone to egypt and he’d never met dio or jotaro, what would have happened to him? Who would he be? i’ve always been super attached to that part of kak bc fundamentally… I Relate. but also i am just fond of it because it makes me sob- he deserved so much better than to get murdered by the same man who manipulated his entire identity right at the climax of his character arc….some crimes can never be forgiven, hirohiko….

vertigo- i don’t listen to this song for kak often, but it is a Quintessential Kakyoin song. according to khalid’s twitter, vertigo is a song about “Overcoming overthinking. After every dark days, there’s a brighter outcome. Being at a super low place in your life and realizing that, there’s other people going through that same path you’re walking down. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. It’s also a story about fear of abandonment.” which….Big Kakyoin Energies. The “Are we alive?Or are we dreaming?” part also ties back into the Kakyoin Parties in a Coma for a Month arc- your mind has a wild wild time when you’re in a medically induced coma, theoretically because it’s trying to fill in the blanks for all of the stuff you’re sensing? And coming out of a medically induced coma is a bizarre experience, where it’s hard to tell if you’re still in the coma and just imagining things or if you’re actually awake. Kakyoin has a mad time in the month immediately after SDC, one that i’m sure he doesn’t enjoy too much after the death 13 fight.

honorable mention goes to i am not yours- this has been a kak song to me for a long time as well. the context of the song is way different from my interpretation for this setting, but AH. I just think kakyoin really struggles to differentiate and understand romantic feelings. This song really reminds me of that struggle, and I think also touches nicely on like. the identity issue of it all too.. “yet i am i, who long to be” yanno? ; J ; it’s hard for me to explain

another honorable mention, my statue sinking. in the sda, after the events in egpyt, kakyoin is thrown into a coma for like an entire month while his body gets operated back together, and then he spends months in physical therapy learning how to walk w a prosthetic spine (kudos to cyborg speedwagon being a reverse engineering madman :D). i like to imagine that there’s also some degree of therapy going on this whole time, also. you don’t just get donuted + thrown into a coma for a month without some counseling to get you back on your feet..i think the lasting effects of dio’s influence are addressed here, but only briefly because it’s not something kakyoin is eager to explore. however, I think that this song captures the like... distress? i guess? of knowing that your life has been irreparably thrown off course because of dio. like yes, you met some really wonderful people that helped you learn how deeply healing friendship could be! but also.. you lost months of your life to mind control, and then another month to a coma, and then additional months to training your body to function again....there’s some psychological stress there. While I think that Jotaro and Polnareff are affected the most by the crusade, I think they all emerge from it with some degree of ptsd. Being targeted by complete strangers at all times of day cannot be good for your mental health, you know? Anyhow, I think My Statue Sinking captures that aftermath feeling really well. Everyone survives and recovers from the crusade, but there’s a part in all of them that is lost to Egypt. 

on to sergio!! (it is now 2:04 am lmaooooooo) sergio will be easy because I only ever listen to the same handful of songs when I’m writing him hdhgh

i will come to you- this is THE sergio song. i think of this song every time i write about him, whether it’s the “believe in me…” “also believe in me” lyric exchange that i imagine he has with both tomoko and holly; the “and i will pray to my father…my father…and he will abide” part being about him reaching out to joseph with his final breaths and spilling all of the beans about dio and begging him to finish things so that Tomoko and Josuke, the Kujos, and he and Suzi can be safe; the “foreeever……foreee-eever.. forever..” part being where he dies and his soul passes into the next realm.. “even the spirit of truth [golden prophet] whom the world [..yeah..] cannot receive, because it seeth him not [bc suad defects and buries sergio instead of bringing his dead body to dio]. Neither knoweth him, but you know him…for he dwelleth in you and he shall be in you [literally the entire joestar/kujo/higashikata family being so near and dear to him + his spirit being with them even after death]” and then, like.. george i, jonathan, and george ii coming to retrieve his soul during the “heeeee shallll beee in youuu” part… “i will not leave you comfortless. i Will Not leave.. You Comfortless… iiii wiiiill come…. to you.. to You” part being about his soul mingling within star platinum and crazy diamond because he has a Need, even in death, to protect them. UGH (also his essence being especially prevalent in crazy diamond, which is partially why its power is to repair things!! bc hamon! ; O ;) literally I have an Entire music video with sergio’s death set to this music. i’ve listened to it way too many times.

when david heard- so to be frank this is actually more of a joseph song, but it’s only a joseph song when sergio exists + gets murdered. :o i cried the first time i listened to this, and then months later i listened to it while thinking of sergio + like. sobbed fr fr. Joseph is asleep when Sergio calls him, so he gets sergio’s final message as a voicemail on his answering machine hours after the fact. the message itself is chilling because Joseph had no clue his son had gone on this huge mission by himself to kill Dio, and now he’s dead! however, it’s made even worse because Joseph wasn’t there to pick the call up and comfort his son in his dying breaths or do Anything. it’s just like Caesar, which is. god awful. it’s such a horrible realization because sergio, whom joseph named after what caesar wanted to name his own son, has been condemned to the same fate as his namesake. Thus this song- i’ve yet to come across a song that captures the feeling of hearing that kind of news so well. (also when i tag things as my sOOOOON or *cries my son in 8-part harmony a la whitacre*, this is the song i’m referencing :D)

zombies / terrified- ahhh, these songs capture the HORROR sergio feels upon sensing dio’s presence in Japan really well. (also “I’m going to eat you alive/please don’t find me rude, but i don’t eat fast food/ so don’t run too fast” is SUCH a dio mood…) Sergio maintains his composure about the Dio Dilemma for a good year before he flies off the handle, and his entire proto-crusade against the vampire is just. Laced with paranoia, even if he is learning a ton of useful skills. These two songs capture that feeling of something constantly watching/creeping up on you so well, and ever since i discovered them, I’ve listened to them for Sergio inspo.

the prophet- This is the only song I’ve done so far that the characters would actually listen to lmao. Sergio is a Huge fan of The Temptations, and his stand is actually named after this song! (+ the esoteric title for the hermit, which was really amazing luck on my end ; J ;) it also had a huge hand in figuring out what his stand power would be, the lyric that decided it was “God doesn’t listen to the words you pray; he hears what your heart has got to say.” However, the entire last stanza of the song ties really well into his character arc fhshgh. Also, this song just feels like it could Be the child of Bloody Stream, if that makes any sense. it’s so groovy and funky, but the lyrics are like big ominous lmao. I was super ecstatic to find this song- if sergio were to ever get an animation, this song would be the OP, yanno?

armageddon- This is another “this song would be on their personal playlist” song. Sergio’s got a lot of love for all styles of music in his heart, but jazz is his home base and always what he comes back to. I like to imagine that Lisa Lisa’s husband introduces Sergio to Wayne Shorter’s music at the age of like 8 or 9, and Sergio’s just. obsessed with the man’s music for the rest of his life. I really love Shorter’s explanation for the meaning of this song and its album as a whole: “What I’m trying to express here is a sense of judgment approaching - judgment for everything alive from the smallest ant to man. I know that the accepted meaning of ‘Armageddon’ is the last battle between good and evil - whatever it is. But my definition of the judgment to come is a period of total enlightenment in which we will discover what we are and why we’re here.” Like… wig.. I feel like that’s such big sergio energy. Armageddon itself also feels like a really nice ED- it’s lively, but in a good episode-ending kind of way. Do i dream of animating Sergio’s adventure one day? Mayhaps.

honorable mention goes to just my imagination/ my girl- We’ve covered that Sergio adores The Temptations, so it’s no secret that he would listen to these songs ceaselessly. however, i really like the broadway harmonies + instrumentals that they did for Ain’t Too Proud, so that’s what’s goin in here. these songs are THE tomoko/sergio songs…He loves Tomoko and the way she quips + teases + gets up to nonsense with him So Much. There’s a huge part of him that has No Idea what Tomoko sees in a music geek like him, but ughh he is so grateful that she likes him because she is a Goddess. he’s blessed yo..

[ferryboatpeak]

my thoughts on lover

[or, an impassioned endorsement of lover the song and also some miscellaneous thoughts about lover the album, in which i ignore all the tracks about which i have nothing good or clever to say. featuring only two f-bombs!]

cruel summer: i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard? is a brilliant line

lover: as so often happens with her albums, my eventual favorite snuck up on me after repeated listenings. my first impression of lover was that I liked the overall mazzy star/late tuesday night at the small-town honky-tonk vibe. about five listens later, i decided that this song is going to be a pervasive wedding reception first dance song for a generation and no song has ever deserved that status more. the chorus has this impossible balance of profound simplicity: can I go where you go? can we always be this close? take me out and take me home… she’s not asking for much, but she’s asking for everything. or, like, a completely reasonable version of everything. there is no other song in existence that nails the feeling of being in a happy long-term relationship as well as this chorus does. then the bridge just takes a hairpin turn into full-on dramatic taylor swift, because she just can’t resist and i love her for it, but she reins herself in immediately and goes back to the quiet specific details that make a partnership feel secure: you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me/and at every table, I’ll save you a seat.

also, i would like to speak up in defense of the much-maligned lyric we can leave the christmas lights up til january. ha ha, the reviewers say, i leave the christmas lights up way longer than that, doesn’t taylor know people do that? but that line’s not about actually leaving the christmas lights up til january, you idiots, it’s about the feeling of possibility when you realize you can. which neatly parallels the feeling of possibility that comes with being in a relationship and realizing it’s going to go it for the long term. worlds opening up. leaving the christmas lights up til march would be a punchline, but leaving the christmas lights up til january is a delicate expression of wonder; fuck anybody who makes fun of this lyric.

the man/archer: although i like them individually, it is impossible for me to separate these two songs, because the archer makes so much more sense right after the man. out of all the taylor swift songs about her professional troubles (see, e.g., better than revenge, this is why we can’t have nice things, i forgot that you existed), the man does the best job of focusing on the universal/relatable aspects of swift-specific problems (which I much prefer to the songs that focus on an individual target). its acerbic peppiness is enhanced a thousandfold by descending right into the bone-deep weariness of the archer, which just so gorgeously nails how dealing with all this bullshit makes you so goddamned tired and makes everything feel so futile. you can just feel the chin-up boss bitch of the last song going home and taking off her heels and curling up in a defeated ball on the couch. oh wait sorry is this album review getting overly personal? anyway

i think he knows: i like that this song could be on any of her albums (aside from reputation) and not be out of place. classic t swift bop. see also: paper rings.

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: this song is a glorious over-the-top mashup of the high school analogies and fairy tale imagery that have been such a consistent part of her songwriting. also you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes is the best eight-word summary of high school that has ever been written and she should honestly win a pulitzer for that line alone.

cornelia street: i liked this song a lot on first listening but it has not stuck with me

~ok overall I liked the first half of the album better than the second but we’re gonna keep going~

death by a thousand cuts: it took the live version of this one for me to fully appreciate the way the lyrics fit together, like one of those wooden boxes where all the seams interlock perfectly. hey, has anybody else noticed that taylor is actually driving on this album, instead of sitting in the passenger seat while some dude takes his eyes off the road to look at her? not only in this song (taking the long way home, asking the traffic lights) but in i think he knows (we can follow the sparks, i’ll drive). attagirl.

london boy: i was not even halfway through my first listen of this song when I texted jes OMG IT’S LIKE SHE’S A BRAND NEW 1D FIC WRITER SHOWING OFF ALL HER INTERNET RESEARCH ABOUT LONDON, and i stand by that opinion. i also think this could be one of those taylor songs that are so awful i eventually fall in love them because they’re just so perfectly her (see also: stay stay stay).

soon you’ll get better: wow the cause you have to in the chorus is perfectly evocative of the experience this song speaks to and it’s gutting.

ME!: fuck you, i love this song, because i love screaming i’m the only one of me, baby that’s the fun of me at the top of my lungs in my car on the way home from difficult meetings.

it’s nice to have a friend: i’m not into all the fourths or how the first verse sounds way too much like that one white stripes song, but i gotta say that the way she pronounces the word “chalk” is incredibly sexy to me.

daylight: i’ve stormed out of every room in this town is a great lyric and yet another example of taylor getting better and better at writing in a way that taps into the universality of her very particular experiences.

in sum, i have presently added seven songs from lover to my authoritative tay sway all day playlist (the same number as red and one less than 1989) and i think i will listen to this album less often than red and 1989 but probably at least as often as reputation. luv u tay; give my best to magnetic blancmange joe alwyn.

[gizkasparadise]

Crossroads, obvs! :D

LOL oh boy well. 

the death of kylo ren, aka it was only a prompt fill how did it end up like this:

the death of kylo ren was originally going to be like. 10 chapters max, and had a toooootally different plotline: aalto ren was going to be a plant by snoke and die within a chapter or two of his introduction (lol), rey was going to have to use the bond to kill kylo (hence the title, @ignitesthestars convinced me to make it more figurative), and it was going to end with rey being a sort of exile 2.0 from the kotor games (a wound in the force, essentially) following an ambiguously romantic chaste love story (i was trying to do something along the lines of V and Evey from the movie version of V for Vendetta)

i also…didnt think anyone would read it??? like, it was going to be my ~trippy, ~experimental art fic that would maybe get 100 hits and my itch would be scratched but then i was like oh fuck people are reading this and rooting for them lmfao iiiiiiiiiiiiii better change it

that’s why there’s kind of a big style shift from chapters ¾ to 5/6ish if you were wondering (esp re: aalto’s characterization)

so i was like okay this is going to actually have them live. UM. and from there i started kind of sketching out this trajectory of what was going to happen. i drew a lot of inspiration from the kotor games (obviously), but i also wanted to be clear that i wasn’t going for bastila/revan 2.0 (because i don’t like that ship, oops). so rey kind of became a revan/exile/bastila hybrid figure in terms of narrative, and kylo had revan elements mixed with malak

i also was kind of dying to do something with a tripped out timeline, so i made aalto an expy of leoben conoy from battlestar galactica and i added some KOTOR framing and the narrative just sort of took itself where it needed to go

UNTIL CHAPTER 12. when i was finishing chapter 11 i was like hmmmm there could be more to this if i wanted. so i asked some friends, and they were like duh do it, so i started laying out the groundwork for a sequel. i knew i wanted to continue with the flowwalking/time travel plotline, so i laid down some key foreshadowing moments in chapters 12 + 13 (the warehouse scene from stars don’t come down, the inclusion of the revan force vision, aalto telling rey the order of planets she’d visit/the order of the planets as they appear in the series, aalto’s death scene, etc.). 

chapter 13 was also luke’s death, and i debated having him die for real (so i could write some force ghost luke because hell yeah) or not. i Thought about it, and decided it would be cool if his soul, for lack of a better word, got taken out of the regular timeline and hidden somewhere else. i then drafted some bits, not really knowing where they were going, and i got stuck on the imagery of the lightsaber colors– silver, red, green. and i was kind of like WHAT IF I MADE THIS A TWIST, so that’s when i outlined in rey’s duo-colored lightsaber and her eventual time travel back to this scene. i remember getting a lot of WAIT HOW DID LUKE DIE comments and i was like :B the whole time 

i am a fan of parallels/bookends, so the story ends where it started in a couple ways. the last “before” story is what leads to the first “now” story, and ben is waiting for something/looking at engine lights just like rey was in the beginning– i liked the engine lights theme and decided the origin of it was rey watching her parents fly away – something i eventually got around to writing in…uh…the second to last chapter of the whole damn series WELP

stars don’t come down aka this isn’t kill bill but it is a little

i knew from the get-go that i wanted this to have a cast of knights of ren. most of my prelim outlining was pulling my favorite kotor villains (the sith lords of kotor 2 ft. malak) and figuring out how to translate them into new people. i developed janara and soran, and then @ignitesthestars and i developed dolari and orin together (fei actually wrote dolari first in her story making waves in the sand)

i also knew that i didnt want snoke in it that much. he kind of had to be in it, but i dont like him as a character / don’t find him interesting, so i wrote the plot around him but not with him

i knew i wanted kylo to be on a team with kes (because i wanted to play on chapter 12 of TDoKR, when he calls out ‘dameron’) and finn, because finn’s the best. initial outlines of the fic had wedge and maz playing way larger roles than what they ended up doing, but oh well

initial outlines of the fic also had rey and kylo leaving the war for a looong time (like, a couple years) and coming back at the end, but i decided that it fit better as the ending to the series (i like open endings, oops)

i wanted this fic to be about meeting in the middle, thematically. that’s why i ended up going with the two POVs this round instead of the before/now split. also as i was writing it, i realized this fic was about intersecting moments where TDoKR was about being separated. i decided to make that the Big Theme Arc of the series, with a planned final installment about them being together/united. 

meeting in the middle also had to do with kylo + rey’s character development. kylo is ben, and becomes a little bit more Light side throughout his travels. meanwhile, rey’s alone and she gets more and more like Aalto the more she chases after him / uses flow walking 

i also really wanted to practice fight scenes, so i took liberties there. obviously this is the fic with just. all the fight scenes

i wanted to use this fic to build on kylo’s relationships outside of rey / the relationships he lost when he turned on luke and the temple

i knew the ending of this fic around chapter 8 and wanted to get to it so bad but the middle parts ended up taking longer than i thought lol (it was supposed to be about the same length as TDoKR)

and i’m here aka all the foreshadowing shows up

because i had the fic outlined as much as i did / because i had set up the conclusion with all the time travel stuff, the actual plot for this was pretty much insta-written by the time i finished SDCD. which is why it got completed in like, a month lol

these were all the scenes i had wanted to write since like, midway through TDoKR but had to hold out on doing so

writing time travel fics sucks for this specific reason. I WAITED FOREVER TO WRITE REY SLICING A DESTROYER OPEN WITH A LIGHTSABER AND KYLO RIPPING IT IN HALF FROM THE GROUND

continuing the homage to KOTOR, this fic is basically a mashup of The Leviathan and Rakata Prime stages from the first game

the chapter “fire, fire” was my favorite chapter ever to write out of all the fic i’ve ever written

“and i’m here, home with you” is probably the best chapter in the series imo

all the chapter titles are song lyrics from playlist songs for the series

i really, really enjoyed getting to write out the full circle stuff i set up from the first fic – rey’s memories of engine lights and counting stars one by one by one, kylo’s are you it/ are you?, it’s just another step, etc. i wanted the fic to feel like lots of echoes to kind of riff on kotor 2′s premise 

the ending is left open for Reasons. one day i hope to get to write them :’D

[jejublr]

Home

A/N: A Dad!Seungcheol fic requested by @aesthedick-cheol! The day Seungcheol becomes a father will be the day I am finally complete. Bless and good luck to his future spouse lmaoo. Also, sorry I couldn’t think of a better title.. I’m sorry if this came out bad! Constructive criticism is always welcome on my blog so please if you have something to say! Anyways, thank you so much for requesting and I hope you all enjoy <3<3

Genre: Fluff

Character(s): Seungcheol x Reader

“What do you think about kids?”

You and your boyfriend Seungcheol were sitting on a park bench, your head tucked in his shoulder, his arm around you as you watch a young family playing about on the grass. The giggles of a toddler echoed through the trees as the father chased him around.

It was one of the days Seungcheol could take the day off and today he chose to spend it with you. You had decided to go to the park on a whim, seeing that the weather was bound to be nice enough to spend the day out that day.

The weather was gorgeous, the sky streaked with pinks and purples as the day was coming to an end. The days had grew warmer as Spring gave way to Summer. The cool gentle breeze made you snuggle closer into the warmth that is your boyfriend.

You were taken off guard by the question and you looked up to see your boyfriend watching the scene before him with a fond smile. It wasn’t a secret that Seungcheol has a deep fondness towards children. He said it himself once that he wanted to have a big family one day.

“They’re pretty cute..” you started “I mean, they’re great but that also means you’d have to get up early and pay for tuition.”

You both laughed at that.

“Do you want kids one day?” he asked.

“Hmm, maybe? I think so..” you mumbled in reply.

You never really thought of it. You never really thought much about getting married before, let along having kids. But Seungcheol’s did question make you take a step back and think. You couldn’t help but blush as the image of Seungcheol playing around with your own children flashed in your mind.

“If you have kids, how many do you want?” he asked.

“Maybe three?? So the oldest can take care of the younger ones and the youngest can tease the older ones,” you let out a small laugh at thought of it.

“Three sounds good,” he chuckled in agreement.

You laughed and poked his side “Hey mister, what made you ask?”

He looked at you with a smile on his face, his eyes crinkling on the edges “Ahh, I don’t know.. I just want children of my own one day.. And now that I got you..” he tickled you on your side as you squealed.

“Cheol!” you squeaked, giggling. He laughed and kissed you on the cheek.

“I just thought you’d be a great mom one day,” he said. “I mean, imagine: our kids would get my good looks and long lashes and your personality.”

“Hey!” you smacked in in the chest. His laughter rang out, the kind where his gums shows and the sight of it melts your heart.

You smirked at him “How many kids do you want someday?”

“Ten” he quipped. You gasped and hit him in the arm.

“Cheol!”

You can’t believe your baby kicked to Nicki Minaj.

It was one of the days you felt cooped up just staying at home all day. Since you’ve taken your maternity leave,

So you begged Seungcheol to take you to their practice today to observe. At first he had denied your request, saying you shouldn’t get too tired but with enough puppy eyes and aegyo, Seungcheol’s resistance broke and so here you are sitting on the sidelines and watch the boys practice.

It just so happens when the hiphop team played Nicki Minaj on the speakers during one of their breaks when you feel your baby kick. You let out a startled gasp and Seungcheol was right beside you in a second. “What’s wrong, babe?! Are you okay?? Is the baby okay?? What happened??”

By this time, the boys have crowded around you, concerned and wondering what’s wrong. You looked up at your concerned husband with your eyes wide,”The baby kicked..”

There was a pregnant silence until the boys erupted in excited squeals and Oh my gods. Seungcheol’s face broke into a relieved smile and he finally let out the breath that he’s been holding. He gave you a quick peck on your forehead and laid his hand on your stomach

Vernon snickered “I can’t believe your baby reacted to Anaconda.”

“Oh! Oh! Try playing something else!” Mingyu called out. Vernon scrolled to his playlist and in no time, another Nicki Minaj song played, this time it’s Starship.

And so you found thirteen hands eagerly trying to get a feel on the baby’s kick. And as expected, as the beat dropped after the chorus, you could feel another kick, this time much harder than the first.

Thirteen boys jumped and made faces of astonishment at each other. Joshua and Jun were congratulating you and Seungcheol as Jeonghan grinned ear to ear. Seokmin’s eyes grew as big as saucers which reminded you of the first time Seventeen had gotten their first win. The room was filled with awe and joy and the lot of you were laughing at the hilarity of the situation.

“OH MY G O D!!” Seungkwan shouted, starring at his hand “I’m going to be a kimbap uncle!!!”

The boys laughed at that. You must’ve looked pretty disturbed at the realization that your baby reacted so much to Nicki Minaj it made them laugh even louder. Seungcheol on the other hand, has never looked so proud.

“What can I say, she has a good taste.” he joked.

Later that night, you both said goodbye to the boys in a good mood. Seungcheol couldn’t keep his hands to himself that he held your hand all the way home in the car. He helped you change, helped you brush your hair as you removed your make-up and helped you get tucked in for the night from your side of the bed.

His actions just spoke the words he didn’t say. To say he was eager was an understatement.

You were both half-asleep when his voice suddenly rang out softly “You know I will take care of you, right?”

Your eyes were heavy as you answered “I know.”

That night you fell asleep to the sound of his breathing.

It was a shame that Seunghceol wasn’t here right beside you.

Seungcheol and the boys had went to LA for the K-Con earlier in the week and are scheduled to be back two days from now. The both of you knew that he won’t probably be there when you deliver the baby but he’d promised that he would take the next flight back to Korea if anything were to happen.

So now here you are, waiting for the baby and through the waves of pain, you had decided to give Seungcheol a call. Apparently they had just finished with their event and Seungcheol was taking a break at the backstage when you told him you were in labor.

His parents from Daegu had come to take care of you while he was gone and they were the ones who brought you to the hospital when you woke up in the middle of the night when your water broke. You were whisked away to the hospital via a taxi and here you were, waiting to be dilated enough to finally push.

“Who do you think should be her godfather? Jeonghan?” The sound of car honking came through. You’re on the phone with Seungcheol as you waited and itt sounds like he’s stuck in a traffic. Your heart clenched a bit at the thought.

“Not Jeonghan.” you protested. You both had a good laugh on that one.

Seunghceol’s voice was full of mirth when he answered “Yeah, alright, not Jeonghan. I don’t want him to terrorize her like he did to Dino. ““Y/B/N, whose baby are you??””

You laughed at that and imitated in a baby voice “”Jeonghan’s baby~””

His laughter sounded a bit forced by now, as if he was trying to mask his anxiety, but the sheer sound of his voice was enough to calm you down. That’s the thing with Seungcheol; you may be separated by miles and schedules but you will always know that in the end of the day, he will be there with you. Like an anchor.

There was a silence before you spoke “Cheol.. It’s alright if you can’t be here with me, right now, at this moment.. I just want you to be here safely..”

You didn’t expect the tears that burned your eyes because you didn’t expected anything more from him. All that you said was true and you weren’t lying to yourself. You really hope that he would come back home to you safely. That’s all.

Because isn’t that what love is? Being selfless? You knew how much he wants to be here, as much as you do. You knew things will get in the way between the both of you but you’ve always worked it out.

And now you just want Seungcheol to come safely. To meet his daughter. His beautiful baby daughter. Seungcheol must’ve sensed the tears in your voice and his voice came through softly “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you..”

“No, Cheol, this is enough..” you sighed, your breath stuttering.

“You’re enough..”

You both talked and talked until it’s finally time for you to push the baby and you said your goodbyes as the doctor came. Seungcheol promised everything will be alright and told you he loved you.

You felt as if he was with you all the time.

Seungcheol arrived at the break of dawn. By this time, you were fast asleep and your baby was dozing off in her incubator next to your bed. She was born at sunset and was declared perfectly healthy by the doctors.

And she’s beautiful. Absolutely stunning.

While she has your complexion and your smile, she has his father’s dark hair and big, expressive eyes and yes, his lashes, too. You had cried the first time you held her in your arms.

Seungcheol crept into the dark room slowly, as to not wake you up. He went to your bedside and planted a soft kiss on your forehead. You stirred in your sleep and through your sleepy haze, you looked up to face him.

You felt a smile break on your exhausted face. “Hey” you croaked. 

“Hey” he whispered, kissing you once more, this time on the lips. You can feel his longing pour into that one single action. When you broke it, you saw his eyes glance at the incubator.

“Is that…her?” “Yeah.”

“Can I meet her?” “Of course.”

Seungcheol went around the bedside and went to pick up your daughter. She grumbled and frowned in her sleep but found peace when Seungcheol finally held her. He began to rock her softly and you couldn’t help but feel your heart swell at the sight. 

Seungcheol was really made to be a dad.

His gaze was soft and full of adoration as he looked upon his newborn daughter and at that moment you knew Seungcheol fell hard and deep and your daughter has his dad wrapped around her little fingers just like that.

“Y/B/N… I’m your dad…” you hear his voice whisper, “Y/B/N.. Welcome to this world.. Your mom and I are going to take a good care of you.. We love you so much..”

The lights from outside filtered through the shutters and casted a soft light on Seungcheol as his voice echoed through the darkness of the room in a soft lullaby. And at that moment, everything was perfect.

The boys came back two days later and decided to pay you and the baby a visit before you were discharged.

To say that the room got much, much more livelier was an understatement because thirteen loud grown men surrounded your baby like a moth drawn to a light. Joshua and Seungkwan especially took an extra liking towards the baby, cooing at her and getting excited whenever the baby’s tiny digits squeezed their finger. Seungcheol looked worried and exasperated every time the boys passes the baby between them but you know they would never do any harm to her.

Just like her father, her twelve uncles’s hearts were snatched with just a glance at her glossy obsidian eyes and rosy cheeks. You just knew she’s going to be as much as a heartbreaker as her father one day.

Later in the evening, you brought your newborn home for the first time. Your in-laws had gone back to Daegu and the house was quite when you both arrived, this time with your little bundle of joy. 

Y/B/N has been a pretty quite and demure baby so far, only crying when hungry and you couldn’t be more thankful for that. As you set her in her crib in the nursery, you got reminded of months ago when Seungcheol had went out of his way to paint the nursery himself. You, who was only four months into your pregnancy wasn’t even given a chance to touch the paints as he didn’t want you to get tired. Looking around, you could tell he had done an excellent job.

The walls are painted a soft blue, with white accents. The smell of paint was long gone, now overpowered by the lavender smell from the scented candles you bought not long ago. The white shelves were littered with soft toys and children’s book, for when your baby is a little bit older and the hanging toys hanging above the crib played a soft lullaby that’s slowly lulling your daughter into slumber.

You felt a strong familiar pair of arms circle your waist from behind as you looked over the angel thats you child. Seungcheol’s lips descended on your neck, a ghost of a smile on them as his warm breath fanned along you jaw.

“She’s beautiful,” he stated. You leaned into his embrace, your eyes closed.

“She is.”

His hold on you became tighter,”Y/N.. Thank you for giving me such a beautiful family…”

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t have to. Because you both know that you love him, as much as he loved you, and with the arrival of your daughter, you knew that love just grew. 

So in the silent room, save for the lullaby playing in the background, with you encased in your husband’s loving arms and your child sleeping soundly in her baby crib, you found solace.

You found home.

[benperorsolo]

Guide to Admitting you Love Her/Letters ofc

thanks, doll

let’s tackle the big one first (probably do Guide in a separate post):

Letters from an Apologist:

What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I started thinking about the basic scenario for Letters literally the second I stepped out of the theater after watching TFA. I started writing it on Christmas Eve 2015, so a little under a week after that. (What I’m saying is that Letters is my receipts that I’ve been a Ben Solo redemption ho since it was possible for me to be one.) I started the fic because I’d been fantasizing about Ben and Leia repairing their relationship after the war, and imagining various scenes between them. The formative one that actually got me to start writing was just a single image of Ben and Leia walking together in the forests of D’Qar, and I worked backwards from there to imagine how I could take Ben from Point A as he was in TFA to Point B, my forest vision, in a realistic way.

What scene did you first put down?

Like you, I write in order, so the first scene I wrote is the first scene in the fic— the one where Kylo is in his quarters on the Finalizer, and Han’s ghost is mercilessly haunting him a la Macbeth and Banquo.

What’s your favorite line of narration?

Probably from Chapter 16, after Ben makes the choice to be Ben again and the name is used for the first time in reference to him in the narration:

Ben —and this name is not painless either, but it is a different sort of pain, and Ben thinks the question might always have been not how to be free of it but how to choose the kind he could best live with, the kind he could not live without— freezes, breathing hard. 

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Any between Ben and Leia is usually up there, but this exchange from Chapter 11:

“What should I say?” Kylo says. He wants to push her hands away, and ruin something. Someone’s belongings, someone’s life. “That if I’d never been born, you might have been happy?”

It’s as though he’s slapped her.

“You are my happiness,” she says, and her voice is choked. Her fingers splay against his collarbones; so near his heart. Not quite touching. Never quite there. “You’re my boy.”

A suffocating sound rumbles deep in his throat.

“I killed your husband,“ he tries to shout. His voice cracks into a whisper, a hiss. “I cannot be your happiness.”

Her face grows pale. “You did,” she says softly. “You took away the only man I’d ever loved. You did.”

He can feel her pulse points through her fingertips, slow in its sorrow, deep in its grief. It was always Leia who stayed behind. Leia, who did not run, who did not cower, but left the wellspring of her heartache in her innermost secret place, where she could visit its still waters and choose when to be consumed.

Such a quiet sufferer, she. Such a gift.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you for that,” she says quietly. It washes over Kylo like a balm. “I am…trying.”

“Don’t,” Kylo says. He swallows. “Don’t forgive me.”

Leia smiles weakly, cups his cheek in her free hand. He hasn’t been touched so often since he was a small boy. “My pup,” she says. “That isn’t how this galaxy works.”

What part was hardest to write?

Writing Ben’s POV in general. I don’t mean to say he’s a difficult character to write, per se, because I love writing Ben-POV, but in a fic of this nature there’s the issue that Ben is so deeply clung to his delusions that it’s difficult trying to get some point across in my writing if Ben himself would not admit to it. This was harder when Ben was still written as Kylo, because at least with Ben-as-Ben there’s a certain level of clearheadedness about his own motivations that comes with stripping away the entire artifice that the Kylo Ren persona is. But at the same time, whereas Ben-as-Kylo overestimates his righteousness, Ben-as-Ben underestimates it, and is just constantly beating himself up over everything, even things that weren’t his fault.

What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It’s the longest fic (or any piece of writing) I’ve ever written, for one. 

Where did the title come from?

It’s a pun on the dual meaning of the word ‘apologist’. The first definition is of one who defends a faith, a cause, or an institution, especially when it is under attack or criticism. This first definition applies to Kylo as he is in the first part of the story, when he is still under the thrall of the First Order and the Dark Side and so acts as his own apologist for his evil deeds in the face of his family’s desperate attempts to sway him from his cause.

The second definition of ‘apologist’ is, of course, someone who apologizes. This is Ben in the second half of the story, after he’s renounced his cause and must begin the painstaking path of reconciliation with those he’s wronged, as well as his family and, ultimately, himself.

So, he goes from being an apologist to an apologist. 

Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Not explicitly, but I’ve based large amounts of Ben’s mentality on my friends who have suffered from mental illness and abuse, as well as Ben’s family’s attempts at reaching him on my own interactions with those friends.

Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Nope. It’s like the kitchen sink fic for all my general redemption headcanons.

Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

No pairings. The reason why I went with no pairings is due to my absolute hatred of redemption arcs which have romantic love as their impetus. Rephrasing slightly– I think it’s too easy to write redemption arcs wrong when they involve romantic love. The impetus of a true redemption must always be the person in need of redemption themselves. Other people can and indeed should help them, but at the end of the day it must be an internal decision. Romantic love makes it too easy for x character to ‘reform’ just because they like the warm fuzzy feeling y character gives them, or, even worse, solely because character y told them to, making character y their sole reason for goodness. It’s really gross, and I hate it, and if you’re going to look at stories which did romantic redemptive love right (say Pride and Prejudice and Beauty and the Beast) the love ultimately displayed is not romantic love but agape love– selfless love in which they expect nothing in return. And that makes all the difference.

What do you like best about this fic?

I’m really pleased with the overwhelming positive response I’ve gotten to this fic. It’s the first multichapter fic I’ve ever written. I’ve gotten so many incredible comments from readers who identify with Ben and his struggles with guilt, mental illness, and family dysfunction– and I’ve in general been glad to have represented these things in such a way that those who have struggled with those issues have been able to use my fic as some small form of solace and catharsis. And then of course there are the general readers who are pleased with my handling of Ben and an attempts at a realistic redemption arc. Since that was what I set out to do, that’s the greatest compliment. 

What do you like least about this fic?

As with all of my writing, I know I get a little (a lot) purple prosey sometimes. I semiregularly go through published chapters on ao3 and try to weed out whatever bullshit I thought was a good idea when the chapter was first published. There’s also the fact that Letters is more or less an unplanned fic, so I feel like some chapters are more extraneous than others and could have been cut– yet there’s just enough character development in them that I feel unable to just take them out altogether. This is the part I regret about fanfiction being largely a post-as-you-write process instead of being able to finish it and edit it as a whole.

What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

As of now, my apologist playlist on Spotify has 78 songs. I plan to actually put the playlist up on playmoss after Letters is done. Anything by Radical Face, The Oh Hellos, Mumford & Sons, or Bastille tends to get me in the mood. Regretful banjos, yo.

When actually writing, I love listening to the soundtrack of The Village (yes, that M Knight Shyamalan movie). The Gravel Road and the appropriately titled Will You Help Me? are some of the best from that soundtrack. Anything with aggressive violin and sorrowful piano is so Ben to me.

Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

There is no such thing as having gone too far. Becoming a person again is hard, but other people want to help you. Let them. There is courage in kindness. There is bravery in compassion.

What did you learn from writing this fic?

A lot. As I jokingly said to a friend today, I love Star Wars because it basically allows me to grapple with Christianity IN SPAAACE. I’m endlessly fascinated by the concepts of sin, grace, and redemption, and the practical implications of believing in them. They’re the cornerstone of the Christian faith, after all. I’ve read a lot of books that handle these themes due to my desire to wrestle with them in Letters: Mere Christianity, A Grief Observed, Silence, The Power of Myth, etc etc.