#the Jimmy Steve moment I’ll live in for the rest of my life

[cc-tinslebee]

I don’t care what happens, Jimmy-Steve in his malewife arc will always be my favourite

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

Can I Have This Dance? (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Rating: PG - Fluffy 

Word Count: 2,689

Synopsis: 4 times the reader asked Steve to dance with her and one time Steve her.

Info: Written for @cockslut-padalecki​’s Not My Ninth Challenge in celebration of 9k followers! Also Happy Belated birthday, I hope you had a great one. I choose, How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes and Wedding Ceremony. The dividers are by @firefly-graphics​ 💘 I’m posting this on my barley working laptop, so forgive me. Also all mistakes are mine as this is not beta read.

1st Time:

Honestly what possessed her to wear her favorite white denim overall shorts to Sam’s barbecue? They were now stained with all all kinds of food and handprints from the children of the Avengers children asking to be held by her. Admittedly seeing everyone so happy and spending the afternoon with her fiancé made it worth it. Also Natasha would probably be able to show her how to get the stains out.

“Want to queue up the next song?” Sam nudged her handing over his phone that was connected to speakers. Giddily Y/N took the phone and went through the approved barbecue playlist as Killer Queen started to play, she continued to scroll as her head bopped to the song. Finding the perfect one she handed the phone over to Sam’s significant other Lou who kissed her on the cheek. 

Bucky and Steve were sharing a phone screen laughing at whatever video it was they were watching, probably one of Alpine that Bucky had taken. Getting up from her chair Y/N stood beside Steve’s and brushed her right hand across his broad shoulders, goosebumps started to rise on his skin as she leaned in to brush her lips beside his ear. 

“Come dance with me, Stevie please?" the blonde's face blushed as his fiance turned away from him making her way back towards the dancing couples. “Punk if you don't I sure as hell will.” Steve turned to give his best friend a glare just as the baritone voice sang out, jumping to his feet.

“I had a thought, dear, however scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt. Why were you digging? What did you bury? Before those hands pulled me from the earth.” Steve rushed to Y/N’s side, a small smile on her face her fiance placed his face at her time taking in the scent of lavender and mint, while his hands rested at her hips. Y/N’s arms circled his neck interlocking her hands, eyes closing she placed her heads against his chest over his heart. As Hozier sang the couple just swayed from side to side, loving each other.

“I could not ask you where you came from. I could not ask and neither could you. Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we could just kiss like real people do.” As the song came to an end Steve and Y/N’s eyes met, she was biting her lip, a look of worry was in her eyes. 

“What?” Looking placed his hands on Y/N’s face doing everything he could to ease the worry in his fiancés face. 

“Just, how would I live without you?” Steve scoffed and pulled Y/N into his arms, hugging her close, “You’ll never have to live without me, I’m going anywhere. I love you.”

2nd Time:

“Well son her mother would have loved you and I’m so proud to have you joining our family.” Andy clapped his daughters fiancé on the shoulder, before looking out on the dance floor to see all four of his children dancing together to the Macarena having a good time. 

“I’m lucky to have her Andy and I love both her and this family.” Steve assured Y/N’s father how much he loved her as the song came to an end. The DJ for the reception started to walk towards Y/N’s  sister and her husband. 

Y/N stood between her brothers playfully nudging each other like they used to do as kids. Suddenly it was quiet in the reception hall, both her and Steve were looking at Y/N’s sister and her husband who smiled at everyone, but they were staring at Y/N. 

“I need my sister Y/N and her fiancé Steve to come up here for a second.” Y/N’s brothers pushed her forward, suddenly glad she had exchanged her heels for converse 4 or 5 songs back. Steve and she met halfway there, hands grasping at each other as their fingers intertwined. The blonde leaned over and kissed the crown of his fiancé's face making her blush as they reached Legacie and Michael. 

“This weekend was actually supposed to be the weekend that Y/N and Steve got married, but 6 months ago I came to my sister and told her I was pregnant. Y/N knew Michael and I would want to move our wedding up, Y/N and Steve immediately asked if I would like to take their wedding and for that we are so thankful. The thing about my sister is she is just like our mom, always giving and so loving, it makes so much sense why Steve fell in love with my little sister. I got to thinking a way to thank you and that is dedicating a song to you, your favorite song as a kid.” Legacie passed the microphone back to the DJ, before she reached over kissing her little on the cheek. Y/N looked at her sister before her jaw dropped and her cheeks turned pink as the keyboard of the popular ’90s Australian pop singer hit started to play. 

“I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope, I'll be your love. Be everything that you need.” Y/N still holding onto Steve’s hand turned to stand in front of him and looked up at him. 

“Will you dance with my love?” with a smile on his face, Steve didn't even verbalize his answer, he just gave a tug of her hand pulling her body closer to his, as other couples joined them on the dance floor.

“I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea. I wanna lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me. I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea.I want to live like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me.” As they continued to dance among Legacie and Michale's family and friends, he tried to imagine how he would live without her in his life. He had an answer before the song was even over he knew a life without Y/N was no life at all. 

3rd Time:

She was trying really hard not to cry but it felt but it was 3:12 in the morning, it was raining, it looked like Bucky had finished off the rest of her Ben and Jerry Star Spangled Berry Swirl, and Friday was playing her I got the blues playlist. Boy did she have the blues, she shouldn’t though, it was November, the holiday season was in full swing, but it was as if her heart wasn’t in it. 

Then the piano kicked in and the tears really started. 

“Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me.”

Steve down the hall in bed they shared hearing sniffles of his fiancé, got out of bed, grabbing her cardigan from ottoman at the foot of the bed. Y/N stood at the kitchen island sipping a cup of hot tea as Bryan Adams sang. 

“Darling?” Steve came up behind her and placed the over side article of clothing over shoulder, kissing her temple. Setting the steaming cup of lavender and blueberries down, Y/N turned around to look him in the eyes, with tears still coming down. 

“Dance with me Stevie, please?” with a little lift of the right side of his lips. Steve pulled Y/N to him, placing her head over his heartbeat, he encased her his arms and started to sway them. 

“Don't tell me, it’s not worth fightin' for. I can't help it, there’s  nothin' I want more. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you.”

“I can’t live without you Stevie.” Y/N whispered into the night as she looked out at the rain coming down in the night. 

“And you won't have to," Steve promised. 

4th Time:

It was finally the New Year, 12:01 on January 1st to be exact and everyone was partying at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, thanks to Pepper and Tony. Peter Quill and his friends had made it, Thor with Jane, Carol Danver, Monica Rambeau with her friends Jimmy Woo and Darcy, Fantastic Four, Peter Parker had brought his best friend Ned and girl friend MJ, all the Avengers were there, even the Wakanda gang was accounted for, the place was packed. It seemed as if the bad guys were in need of a day off. 

Steve stood a few feet away from Y/N who was dancing with Natasha, Clint, Shuri, Peter, MJ, Wanda, Scott, Johnny, Groot, Darcy, Sam, Lou, and Jimmy Woo, they were all dancing to thank u, next, laughing and having a good time. Lou was currently on Sam's shoulders making the Bucky who was beside Steve, hoot’d, as he took a shot from the Asgardian mead. It was great for Steve to see all his friends and family to be letting loose. 

Y/N walked over as the song came to a closure and pulled Steve in for a kiss earning a cheer from the group they had surrounded themselves with. Blushing they pulled apart as the familiar violin started to play across the room, making the room erupt cheers yet again. Tonight’s crowd was easily pleased, who knew all it took was alcohol, food, friends, and good music? 

As the drum kicked in, Y/N’s head started to bop her foot tapping along, grabbing Steve’s hand she started to pull him towards the group, grabbing Bucky’s hand along the way. 

“Steve can I have this dance?” Looking over her shoulder as she got ready to start jumping up and down, Steve looked at her as if he had to think on it, but stopped when Bucky hit him in the bicep. “Not with the metal arm, and yes!”

“Come on Eileen! Oh, I swear, what he means. At this moment you mean everything, you in that dress. My thoughts I confess, verge on dirty. Oh, come on Eileen.” The group's form of dancing was jumping up and dancing, moving their heads side to side, throwing in mixed moves, like the sprinkler or epaule here and there. It was just about letting go. Steve and Y/N danced together with the fingers of their left-right hands interlaced jumping up and down, throwing their heads back and forth like they were at a rock concert. 

As Bucky danced with his best friend and the girl that had become like a sister to him, he couldn't picture their lives without one another. There was no Steve without Y/N in it, no Y/N without Steve. They were so madly, deeply in love, that to lose the other it would be close to losing themselves. He vowed at that moment to do whatever it took to always bring Steve home and to always protect Y/N for him. 

The 1 Time Steve Asked Y/N to Dance:

“This is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for!” Bucky raised his glass of bourbon to the crowded room, before he leaned down to place a kiss on Y/N’s cheek. He had just given his best man speech congratulating his best friend on finding his soulmate who made him happy, and on his retirement. Lou leaned forward putting their arms around Y/N’s shoulders swaying, making the bride laugh as the best friends hugged. 

Steve took the microphone from Sam and pulled Y/N away from her best friend, confused she looked up at him. The room was silent with all eyes on them, as it had been since the moment she stepped out onto the wooden boardwalk Pepper’s people had built leading to the dock, everyone’s eyes had been on them. 

“Through this whole wedding process my wife has been so incredibly patient with me. Originally I just said whatever you want Y/N it’s your day, but she would scrunch her face up, for her family they know what I’m talking about, the one where she doesn’t like something or doesn’t understand, anyways. Lou, Y/N’s best friend and the perfect person for Sam came to me said,

“Rogers for a superhero, you are pretty dense, the wedding day is both your big day. This is a day you both are going to look back on, tell your children about and share with your family and friends. Don’t make her plan it and make all the choices on her own.” Steve looked down at Y/N and smiled, as his wife laughed and gave her best friends hand a tight squeeze before letting it go. 

“So I did what I could, your napkins I chose, thank you very much, your centerpieces though, you are going to have to take that up with the my beautiful wife’s cousin, Willow, she handmaid these beautiful pieces for us, so we could reuse them in our winery and barn.” Willow blew the couple a kiss making the crowd laugh as Y/N caught it and stumbled back, before throwing one back just as extravagantly. 

“Anyways the reason I’m up here is because I really didn’t do that much, but I made a promise to my wife that I, the man out of time, could pick the song we dance to as a married couple.” Turning his body so now the newlyweds were now facing each other, Sam took the microphone holding it up to Steve's mouth, as Steve held both Y/N’s hands in his.

“Steve we’ve talked about this you’re right where you need to be.” Steve just nodded his head and kissed her on the lips getting a few people in the crowd cheering. Bucky, Sam, Lou, and Y/N’s siblings are motioned for the crowd to quiet down. 

“I admit I waited till last night to e-mail our DJ Ned and tell him our song. But to be fair if it hadn’t been for a talk I had while sleeping at Sam’s and him playing this song we probably would just have some random song. Thank you Sam for saving the day.” Sam pulled the microphone telling the couple it was no problem really. 

“With that all said and done, Mrs. Rogers can I have this dance?” Laughing Y/N nodded as they made their way around the tables holding hands waving to their family and friends. Ned Leeds, was the nights DJ, thanks to coming recommended by his friend Peter Parker, this was his hobby by a means to pay for college and his growing obsession of Star Wars Legos. As soon as the couple had made it to the center of the faux hardwood dance floor, he hit play.

“How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?”

Y/N let a gasp slip past her lips as the familiar country song played. Her arms held onto Steve’s shoulders, while he held onto her hips, they did their usual sway, there was no need for fancy footing or putting on a show. This was just them being them, in love, sharing that love with a room full of their closest family friends. 

“I promised you, you wouldn’t have to know what it was like to live without me, and you won’t either of you.” Y/N looked up at him placing a kiss on his soft lips, letting a few tears of happiness slip. This is what contentment felt like, to feel whole, be loved, and find that perfect person. 

“How do I live without you? How do I live without you, baby? How do I live?”

[hyperbali]

Agatha Harkness Was Right, And Here’s Why

Alright. Finally had to sit down and write my way out of this quiet, internal temper tantrum, and a few people were interested in seeing what I had to say, so I present to you:

Agatha Harkness Was Right, And Here’s Why

Disclaimer: MASSIVE spoilers for the entirety of WandaVision, and I am not nice about it.

I’ll start off by saying that, for all its foibles, WandaVision was genuinely a good example of a property within the MCU/Disney umbrella that stepped out of the usual ‘good guys fight bad guys action extravaganza’ in a way that pushed the envelope. The pseudo-horror aspect of the first few episodes is something I would really love to see engaged with on a more thoughtful basis in future projects.

I would say that it proved to be more than a vehicle to promote toys, but… well…

Yeah. Anyway.

I’ll assume that you watched WandaVision if you’re reading this, but quick recap: In the aftermath of ‘the Blip,’ Wanda is left broken and alone with no one in her corner. Her biggest mentor willingly abandoned his team to get his own ‘happy’ ending (do not get me started on Steve, that’s a document in and of itself), her other biggest mentor is probably off enjoying his family while ignoring the incredibly racist killing spree he’s been on for the past five years, and her lover is dead. When she goes to claim the body, she’s told nuh-uh, that’s government property, please leave.

So she goes to a plot of land in the middle of some nowhere town in New Jersey, which Vision apparently bought despite the fact they were living a pretty decently comfortable life in Scotland, where she looks at the deed that Vision drew a heart on and wrote ‘To Grow Old In’. Very sweet. Kind of weird, considering nothing of this caliber had ever been suggested for either of their characters and they’d been actively running from specifically the U.S. authorities? But sweet.

She has a breakdown and, in her grief, contains the entire town of Westview and all 3,892 of the people in it in her own personal paradise, where nothing bad ever happens beyond sitcom hijinks, no one dies, and every problem is tied up and neatly dealt with by the end of an ‘episode’. Except we learn that this is only paradise to Wanda, who apparently shares the aspect of having to relate everything to her favourite pop culture with Tony, because everyone else in Westview is more or less being psychologically tortured by the incredible amount of pain she’s in, forced to be puppeted actors to make her happy.

Bear in mind, Westview might have been bigger at some point - we have no idea how many people survived the Blip, or how many have been brought back to life within the past few weeks of the current setting. Either way, this is a town that has already dealt with a lot of trauma being dragged into yet another awful, much more specific kind of emotional damage, thanks to ‘the heroes’. Nice.

Agatha Harkness, a witch who’s been up to who-knows-what in the 340 years since she drained the coven that tried to kill her for getting a little too ambitious into jerky, feels the massive expenditure of magical power and decides to investigate. All the while, she carefully uses her own magic to try and peek into Wanda’s psyche, her motivations, all while keeping up appearances and not letting slip that anything is amiss.

I’ll point out that she’s no saint here, either - she specifically keeps one Westview resident at her mercy, and knows what’s happening to the rest of them, but doesn’t attempt to stop it. I’ll chalk that up to her pragmatism; their ‘sacrifice’ was fine to her as long as she could figure out how Wanda could have done something so unheard of in terms of power.

What we come to learn over the course of the show is that, given everything that happened, Wanda didn’t mean to take over an entire town and tool it into her own personal slice of heaven. She very quickly became aware of it; we know that she knows it’s her own personal bubble as soon as episode three, when she’s confronting Monica about how the latter could possibly know about Ultron. Wanda is made further aware of how much damage this is inflicting on others in episode five, when Vision himself tells her that these people are scared. But still, she has everything handled! It’s okay! The outside world is worse, trust her!

Her handling of the question, ‘where are all the children of Westview,’ is one that bears some thinking - and, y’know, kind of more than a little concern. They’re allowed to walk around as part of the ‘Halloween special,’ but as Vision walks further and further out towards the edges of town where Wanda doesn’t have as much full control, people are just frozen in place, or conducting the same few seconds of action over and over. And fully aware of being trapped.

How are they being sustained? Eating, sleeping? If someone isn’t part of her storyline, is she just locking them down into a coma? What made Wanda decide that keeping the children ‘out of the way’ was somehow kinder than involving them, especially given her later argument that she’s been trying to keep the entire town safe and happy?

The fact of the matter is, she only actually starts to feel remorse for any of this after she’s confronted with the fact that, after weeks of being at her mercy, the townspeople of Westview would rather be dead than endure another moment of having to play nice for her enjoyment. She finally opens the ‘bubble’ to let them out - which leads to the ‘epic’ finale of three different entities trying to take down Wanda and her happy family: the S.W.O.R.D. military led by Hayward, the White Vision, and Agatha.

Winding back to how we got here: after Agatha uses her own trapped resident, Ralph Bohner (who, given his casting and the props in place during the last episode, I’m willing to bet is actually the missing witness protection person Jimmy was looking for) in an attempt to lure out Wanda’s reasoning - and fails - she’s pretty much done pretending. She tricks Wanda into her basement, nullifies her powers, and makes her face her own past to get to the truth of the matter.

Not going to lie, favourite moment of the show. Kathryn Hahn killed Agatha’s slightly-amused-slightly-irritated observations about Wanda’s coping mechanisms, and the whole arrangement was extremely meta. I would have paid real money dollars to see her do the same thing to the likes of Tony, Strange, and Loki. Hell, even just having her meet the rest of the Avengers? Augh. If wishes were fishes.

When Agatha comes to the conclusion that Wanda is the vaunted, nigh-indestructible force of nature that she’s literally spent her entire life reading about is the ultimate source of chaos magic and will likely bring about the end of the world, she’s pretty understandably taken aback. To that matter, the fact that Wanda… has very little control over any of it, and is using what she does understand to play housemaker? After how long Agatha has spent learning control, hiding in plain sight, just to be child’s play compared to what Wanda has at her fingertips? I’d be pretty pissed off, too!

The way that WandaVision handled both of the major ‘fights’ - Vision versus White Vision ending in philosophy, and Wanda ending up beating Agatha at her own game of deception - is excellent. A little grating that they had to go with the beat down angle before they got there, but this is MCU; punches and thrown cars had to get shoved in somewhere. And, given that this series very much played with the idea of grey morality, I was sort of hopeful that Agatha would end up in a not-quite stalemate arrangement with Wanda. She’s not as powerful as the Scarlet Witch, but she has the know-how that Wanda sorely lacks; in recompense for her own deeds, she would be able to teach what she knows while also kind of scheming on her own time.

Y’know, like what they did with rehabilitating Loki?

Except that Wanda, who has just gone through the entire rigamarole of coming to terms with the fact that she trapped thousands of people into a nightmare scenario against their will, rendering them helpless to her mercy… traps Agatha into a nightmare scenario against her will, rendering her helpless to Wanda’s mercy.

That moment actually shook me. Oh, my god. We’re supposed to still look at Wanda as a good guy after this?

This isn’t even covering the incredibly awful confrontation with her and Vision where she tries to gaslight him into believing that everything is A-OK, or the fact that the person she gets most violent with (apart from Agatha) is Monica Rambeau, a black woman who spends most of the show bending over backwards trying to say that what Wanda is doing is understandable, justified, and just needs a gentle touch to be dealt with.

That could be its own document, too - how Monica, much as she’s incredible and definitely looks to be a really exciting addition to the MCU roster, more or less gets used as the Good One to absolve and enable Wanda’s actions. One of her last lines to Wanda, after seeing how the people of Westview (rightfully) look at Wanda like she’s monstrous, is “they’ll never know what you sacrificed.”

Sacrificed what? The fake husband and fake kids she made out of her own compulsion to pretend that everything is okay? None of that would have existed if she’d been given the proper resources to actually cope with how much loss she’s had to deal with. None of that would have existed if she hadn’t caused this problem in the first place.

In the end, Wanda flies off in her fancy new gear before the FBI shows up, avoiding any real consequences to her actions - which has pretty much been the running theme of her character ever since she was introduced to the MCU in Age of Ultron. The worst kind of direct consequence she’s ever gotten was being grounded to her room for a while, then kept in the Raft for, like, maybe a day - and both times, she was broken out post-haste.

Meanwhile, she worsened the issues in Sokovia (which, I will say upfront, was Tony’s fault to begin with), unleashed the Hulk on Johannesburg, got a pretty significant amount of civilians killed as bystanders in Lagos (hey, how come Wanda keeps turning a lot of black people into casualties?), and stood back in Wakanda to let their people try to fight off Thanos from getting to Vision until it was clear that there was no other option than for her to get involved.

Great Power Comes With No Responsibility At All, Actually.

Wanda, in the several years she has maintained her identity as an Avenger, has proven time and time again that she takes on innumerable risks without any full understanding of what they mean, allows others to take on the brunt of the fallout for her, and looks sad until she’s forgiven and moves on to the next problem. She has no business casually throwing around the kind of power that being the Scarlet Witch entails, not until she’s actually made any kind of headway into making reparations for what she’s done and tried, really tried, to get a handle on what she’s capable of.

Which she’s apparently doing in the last post-credits scene, astral reading the literal Book of the Damned on her lonesome in the mountains, but… without anyone to guide her, or give her any kind of boundary?

[I ran out of images I could post, but you know exactly what image I am referring to here]

Agatha Harkness was right. And that should terrify everybody that has to deal with Wanda in the future.

(P.S. Do we know if she actually even killed that dog? We never see her holding anything but a blanket, and characters go in and out of that show all the time. Granted, she wasn’t great with the cicada-turned-bird... hmm.)

Additional Notes:

“Well, you’re a Tony Stan, of course you think Wanda’s a villain”

I like Tony because he’s such an awful mess, and the narrative isn’t exactly kind about telling him what a piece of shit he can be! He reaped a lot of problems, created practically half the villains in the MCU, and ended up dying a martyred hero. Thanks to being the tent pole by which this franchise hoisted itself into a cultural powerhouse, he will always be their golden savior. If you want to read about how he’s the true villain of this entire affair, feel free to look up any number of takedown pieces about him that are out there. He’s a dick. I will never “uwu sad baby who did nothing wrong ever 🥺” him the way people do about Wanda.

“Why are you so pressed about this”

Because something as good in concept as WandaVision could and should have been about anyone other than the whitewashed, antisemitic take on Wanda Maximoff that MCU brought upon us. They put crucifixes on her wall in Civil War, for fuck’s sake!

“Weren’t you mad about them not including Aaron Taylor-Johnson”

At this point, I am almost kind of relieved the real Pietro wasn’t resurrected for this, because god knows they probably would have killed him all over again just to inflict that much more pain on his sister.

“Anything else you’d like to tell us, turbo nerd”

This was literally itching at me all weekend to write, so it’s more or less just to get it off my chest. If you powered your way through it, uh… thanks? Sorry if I yucked your yums, but I tried to be as clear with the disclaimer as I could. 🤷‍♂️

[starkerintheparker]

starker reclist - AUs

Hey guys! Welcome to the second part of my personal Starker reclist, dedicated to AUs. Last week I posted my canon-based recs, you can find them here.

I tried to incorporate as many tropes as I could, hoping everyone will find something special within their interests. There are a few a/b/o and underage fics, all properly tagged in case anyone wishes to avoid them. I also tried to highlight soulmate AUs because I reckon it’s a somewhat popular trope. Enjoy! ❤️

Last updated: April 25th, 2020. All new fics added will be marked with ***

• 007 AU by @darker-soft-starker (T, 4k, completed)

Summary: Undercover and bored at an art auction, Tony finds entertainment in Peter Parker.

Review: Look, I’m a simple woman. Daniel Craig has owned my ass ever since Casino Royale and I was reading 00Q and Hartwin before I even shipped Starker. Point is, I like spy movies, ok?! So naturally I couldn’t leave this fic out of my reclist. I you need further incentive, consider this quote: “What, a little late night espionage not romantic enough for you?” Peter retorts, whipping a pistol out from his jacket and aiming it at Tony’s chest.

• 3 Times I Told You I Loved You & 1 Time You Said It Back by @starkeristheendgame (E) background Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Scott

Summary: Peter Parker confesses his love to Tony Stark three times. Once at ten, once at fifteen and once at twenty. Finally convinced that Tony will never love him back, Peter ventures out into a different path, desperate to find the love he seeks from someone else. But you know what they say about star-crossed lovers.

Review: This lovely fic holds a very special place in my heart. I’m so invested I decided to wait until it’s finished so I can read it all in one sitting. Peter’s longing and heartbreak hurt my poor soul but I trust Jensen to give me that promised Starker endgame - I know it will be glorious when it finally comes.

• A Night on the Town by @scarletmanuka1 (G, 2.3k, completed)

Summary: Nightclub AU. Years after the events of Endgame, Tony has hit rock bottom. The Snap left him crippled, Pepper has abandoned him and has taken Morgan with her, and he's feeling old and lonely. Peter arranges a night out at the nightclub that he works at to try and cheer Tony up.

Review: I love get together fics, especially if it involves oblivious!Tony getting his shit together and going after his man. Seeing him bitter and broken after Thanos was hard, but special kudos to IronBros moments because that friendship is true goals!

• Age of Adeline by @starkerforlife6969 (completed) background Harley/Peter, Bucky/Peter, Wade/Peter

Review: I’d never in a million years think about this movie as a Starker AU but gosh, this is everything I needed in my life and it completely devastated me but I loved every minute of it. As a devoted monoshipper, I was surprised to realize that I got emotionally involved with all pairings, even more so with Starker, which totally paid off. Gorgeous, powerful and heartfelt. God bless SFL.

• assume makes ass for u and me by @pretty-well-funded (M, 1.6k, completed) tw underage

Summary: In Tony’s defense, he was sure the kid was a rent boy.

Review: This 1.6k fic caught me completely off guard and now I’m crying because I need MORE. I love the premise, the dialogue is criminally good, their voices are amazing and I can’t get enough of cheeky!Peter charming Tony with his wit and filthy mind.  

• Bamf!secretary Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)

Review: Who could ever resist some corporate espionage drama with bamf!Peter leaving Tony speechless and horny? Not me. I’d read more 30k of this verse because competent, sassy Peter Parker is such a kink, omg.

• Biker!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Review: Same age AUs are not usually my thing but I can’t resist cute high school sweethearts written by this fandom goddess. Plus, protective!Tony calling Peter “doll” does things to my heart - and Peter’s.

• Breaking Character by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)

Summary: Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and spy for SHIELD. Working with another SHIELD spy, the infamous Spider, he will take down an infamous human trafficking ring in New York. But the act they have to put on will demand more from Tony than he ever thought he'd have to give. Not that he minds.

Review: The spy trope seriously needs more fic like this one, because I’ll have bamf!Peter lying back to save his country while Tony freaks out any day. Cage hits the perfect balance between plot building, fantastic sexual tension, clever dialogue and the hottest smut sequence. What a ride! (Pun intended).  

• Curiosity Killed the Cat by @areluctantsblog (T, 1.5k, completed)

Summary: Peter has been modelling in an art school for years. He's used to strangers' eyes roaming his body - clothed or naked - and he knows that it's not him they are looking at. Not him who they are interested in. He's just a model, a tool for their work. And for a long time he doesn't notice the one pair of eyes that, despite seeing him but rarely, is looking right at him.

Review: Very soft and atmospheric, this fic left me in a bit of a daze and it took me a while to realize it was over. Great writing will do that to you.

• Detective!Tony, Graffiti Artist!Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)

Review: Oh don’t mind me, just appreciating this author’s talent at writing from the filthiest smut to the softest “Tony saves Peter in all ways that matter” like this ficlet. We stan.

• Eat at Pete’s by feyrelay + glorious art by @peachbabypie (E)

Summary: Peter gives him an unimpressed look, “If you didn’t do your work, then you wouldn’t be able to earn my time though, would you?” Pfft. “Kid, I have more money than god. I can splurge on your delicious pancakes and attention, trust me,” Tony informs him loftily. Peter smiles that wicked, crooked little smile that's just for him. It's not even and perfect like his the-customer-is-always-right one that's more frequently on offer. “I didn’t say you couldn’t afford it. I said you wouldn’t have earned it.”

Review: How can we ever say no to dom!Peter putting Tony in his place and hopefully on his dick + Tony loving every second of it?? Their dynamics are fantastic and that TASTY COUNTER DIALOGUE KILLS ME. EVERY TIME. Check it out and come scream with me: sub!Tony rights :D

• Fire and Ice by LeafyGreenQueen773 (M, 3k, completed) Soulmate AU

Summary: AU where when someone writes on his or her skin, the same thing shows up on their soulmate in the same place as a Mark that fades away in a few hours.

Review: This was the first Starker soulmate fic I’ve read and it made my heart ache so soft and good. Lovely and bittersweet, quiet and painfully honest. 

• Genius, Acrobat, Playboy, Philanthropist by @scarletmanuka1 (E, 28k, completed)

Summary: After Peter's aeriel acrobatics partner, Adrian Toomes is fired from The Avengers Circus Troupe for theft, he is shocked to discover that his replacement is non other than legendary performer, Tony Stark - the man that Peter had hero worshipped since he first learned how to tumble. 

Review: After reading this fic I realized I need more Circus AUs in my life. I could read jealous idiots falling in love while doing beautiful acrobatics for the rest of my days. Original plot, nice character development and I really appreciated how the author inserted little canon things here and there. 

• Happy to Disappoint by @deaded-blush (M, 60k, completed) tw underage, domestic violence

Summary: Adrian Toomes is in quite deep with notorious mob boss Tony Stark. But when Tony comes to collect the debt owed, he's surprised to discover Toomes has an adoptive son. The chance meeting changes the direction of both their lives...

Review: Hands down one of the best Mafia!AUs I’ve ever seen. Read it all in one sitting and by the end I was SHOOKETH and utterly obsessed with this story. Nothing about it is okay so brace yourself for whump!Peter and lots of h/c. Bonus points for an incredibly satisfying ending that will make you gasp out loud.

• Hey Baby, Slip between my Beta-Pleats and get to know my Alpha-Helix? by @starkerforlife6969 and @darker-soft-starker (E, 37k, completed) A/B/O

Summary: Even though Tony can't tell the difference between Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo, Peter really has no other choice. His heat is around the corner, so even though he loathes the party-going, booze drinking, smug playboy know-it-all that is Tony Stark. He'll just have to do.       

Review: I can’t believe life went on as we know it (or did it??) after these two geniuses wrote together. This is the Starker version of “enemies to lovers” we all wanted and deserve, where spoiled-bratty-posh princess Peter finds the perfect balance for his chaotic energy in goofy-unapologetic-charming playboy Tony. Their falling in love is just so tender, so genuine and so good, it’s impossible not to cheer for these two sweethearts through this delightful, carefully crafted story.

• If you let me by @css1992 (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Peter had tried dating younger guys, but it just didn’t do it for him. They were often too eager, too fast, too rough. Just too young, in general. Not that older men couldn’t be too much, too, Peter learned it the hard way. The man looking back at him from across the room seemed like a good one. He knew he shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but he was gorgeous. Possibly the most handsome man Peter had ever seen in his short life.

Review: I remember the first time I read this fic it hit me in such a powerful way I cried a bit and was too overwhelmed to do words and tell the author just how much I loved it. But I never forgot this fic or the way it made me feel. It’s so evocative, so sexy, so raw, so heartbreaking, so sweet and so gentle. Great atmosphere, even greater characterization and some of the hottest smut I’ve ever read. Treat yourself and check this out right now.    

• I’ll be Home by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O

Summary: The story starts when Soldier Tony comes home for a few days, and is introduced to the love of his life.

Review: Will I ever stop reccing SFL’s works? Maybe, but today is not the day. This gorgeous, breathtaking fic attacked me in my own house during Christmas day and made me cry like a baby. I’m a sucker for reunion stories - the longing, the heartbreak, the power of endurance. This fic reminded me that no matter how long or difficult the journey, love will always find a way.

• Little Spider by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 5k, completed)

Summary: Peter Parker is one of the country's best hitmen, known in the underworld as the Little Spider. He spends his days in the lap of luxury with his billionaire fiance Tony Stark, and his nights doing dirty work for various shady characters. Life is good, right up until someone puts out a hit on Tony and wants Peter to pull the trigger. It... might be time for them to have a talk.

Review: Omg this fic was so deliciously good in a totally surprising and sexy way. Bamf!Peter took my breath away with the perfect balance between his two personas. Tony getting off on that sheer power and confidence is a BIG MOOD and my second favorite thing in this fic. The first being the badass power couple they make. 

• love somebody like you (E) by @intoxicatelou

Summary: five times Tony was Peter’s roommate and one time he was his soulmate instead.

Review: Who doesn’t love some forced proximity mixed with the unbeatable soulmate trope? This plot is the hottest take and my heart cannot handle young!Tony with his brilliant mind and sassy charm protecting and flirting with Peter, unfff feels everywhere *cries in Starker*

• Love Thy Neighbour by @darker-soft-starker (T, 2.3k, completed)

Summary: Tony's new neighbour is kinda weird.

Review: I know I keep saying that same age!AUs are not really my thing but I’m the softest bitch for feel-good, cozy domesticity, and I love how this charming story shows that ordinary life become magical when shared with someone special. I could babble all night about how eccentric and confident Peter seduces our man of science that for once has absolutely no idea of what’s going on - but you really should see it for yourself right now :)

• Mafia Boss!Tony Break Up Make Up by @starkerforlife6969 (E, completed)

Review: Man, this fic was so rude to my heart. The heartbreak, the rough sex, the guilt, the hopeful make up, the gorgeous ending. My body literally cannot take the stress, why are Mafia AUs so doomed and beautiful and more importantly, why is SFL so good at writing them???

• Microcosm Series by @bloomblood (M, 32k) tw underage

Summary: Tony and Peter become each other’s heroes after the Snap, saving themselves before they offer aid back to the world.

Review: I haven’t read many post-apocalyptic fics but this series’s raw atmosphere sucked me in. I adore the quiet intimacy, the slow and tentative healing, and all the silent and complex emotions underneath apparent simplicity. Big aesthetic mood, just as its lovely author. 

• Musechaser by @nightskygardenia (M, 10.5k, completed)

Summary: Eighteen year old art student Peter Parker is desperately searching for his muse, someone who can bring his creative skills to the next level through inspiration. Lucky for him, his next class just so happens to feature a gorgeous model by the name of Tony Stark, a man Peter's convinced is his muse, to the point of staying after class to ask for private modeling sessions.

Review: Another big aesthetic mood, this fic paints a gorgeous imagery. I love the setting, the slow pace and the building anticipation until the sexual tension finally breaks. Peter is adorable and Tony exudes confidence; their voices are spot on and their chemistry is palpable and intense.  

• My Best Friend’s Dad by @darker-soft-starker (M, 17.6k, completed)

Summary: Peter is home for the summer, back from his first year away at college. Having stayed over at Harley's house every weekend since they were fourteen, he never used to think much of his friend’s dad. A few years worth of college experience has Peter noticing Tony in a different way. This time, Tony notices him back.

Review: Turns out that Tony Stark being a dad and a daddy is too much for my body. I worship this fic. I wanna get married to it and have its babies. No words will ever make it justice *sobs* no but seriously, secret relationship is a perfect Starker trope and this one will take you to the edge of your seat until the very end. A+ characterization, lovely build up, infuriating cliffhangers and the wholesome happy ending we all deserve. This is the kind of fic that leaves you a bit depressed once it’s over, because you suddenly realize you’ll never read it for the first time ever again. So get to it and make sure to enjoy every second!

• One Call Away by @readysetstarker (E)

Summary: Tony didn’t need the phone sex gig. He was more than well off, his own sex life was in great shape, but damn, there was just something about listening to someone else get off to his voice. 

Review: Omg who could ever resist sex hotline + daddy kink + identity porn? Dev is coming after our own hearts and bodies with this hot combo. I love the balance between their cute chemistry and the hot phone sex, plus the identity porn is deliciously fun. I was so happy to know this fic is getting longer than the author had previously anticipated because I’m definitely not ready to let it go.

• Open Road by @starkerflowers (E, 2.5k, completed)

Summary: It’s not love, but it’s good. TW: implied abuse (not between Tony/Peter); bruises/violence; panic attack. 

Review: This refreshing not-quite-a-love-story will capture your heart, make it hurt, make it ache, make it hope and finally, make it heal. This fic is so gorgeously written I honestly cannot rec it enough. Yes, it’s dark and angsty, but it’s also gentle, hopeful and deeply evocative.  

• Panty Raid by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O

Summary:  Imagine Tony being forced to do a panty raid as an initiation for his fraternity. So Tony, keeping up his playboy appearances, sneaks into the omega dorms. And he sees sweet innocent Peter who is so alarmed by the alphas raiding their dorm Tony can’t help but comfort him.

Review: Unf this fic is just too charming and cute, my heart cannot take it. Frat stories are so fun they make me forget my preference for age gaps and realize I could read more 50k of protective young!Tony any day, please and thank

• Pete’s Eats by @darker-soft-starker (T, 9.3k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a YouTube channel where he just drinks wine and teaches people how to cook things if they live in a mediocre apartment. While cooking and drinking he just talks about stuff like memes and school and, most importantly, his undying thirst for Tony Stark.

Review: This is legit the funniest shit I’ve ever read, everybody else can go home. I was already sold on Peter being a relatable thirsty dork, but Tony’s A+++ characterization (for a moment I thought it was RDJ on the big screen) and the identity porn side trope killed me for good. And what a way to go. I’m an angst hoe but I could read this forever and would be okay with it. 

• pondus, pondera by spqr (M, 9.3k, completed) underage prostitution but not between P/T

Summary: Peter sells his virginity for $5,000 when he’s fifteen.

Review: Ugh I’m so weak for the angsty hooker trope, I just love the potential to simultaneously explore whump, mutual pining and gentle recovery. Trust spqr to deliver it all with a carefully crafted slow burn, god-tier characterization and a heartfelt and satisfying get together. This fic is a gem.

• Powerful by @cagestark (E, 4.6k, completed) SIM!Tony

Summary: After finding out about Peter's abusive ex, Tony privately vows revenge.

Review: This fic took my breath away and made me realize that dark!Tony with a soft spot for Peter is everything I need in my life. Precious Peter being empowered by a viciously protective Tony is now my absolute jam, and it was fascinating to see see their dynamics mutually feeding each other’s nature. This fic is gorgeous, sexy and liberating. 

***Red Light District series by @starker-stories (17k, ongoing)

Summary: Everyone knows that Tony Stark is a playboy who has dozens of women passing through his life and through his bed. What everyone doesn't know is that Tony Stark is deeply closeted, longing for something he can't ever have -- a life and a love with another man.

Review: I’m completely in love with this series and not only because it explores the good old hooker trope which I’m very partial to. It’s so well written and atmospheric, if a tad bittersweet and heart-wrenching. Great narrative tension, Tony and Peter’s chemistry is insane, their voices and dialogue are amazing and the smut is looong and scorching hot *chef’s kiss* 

• Samadhi by @starkercrossedlovers (E, completed)

Summay: Tony goes to yoga to try and deal with his anxiety and ends up falling for the instructor, one Peter Parker.

Review: Okay so yoga fics are among my guilty pleasures and I can’t get enough of feel-good fics like this one. Peter’s such a sweetheart, so thoughtful and amazing with Tony. I love it when they take care of each other and find solace together, this fic made me soft :’)

• Single dad baker!Peter and lawyer!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (G, completed)

Review: I’m not usually a fluff girl but this fic is just too wholesome to go by unnoticed. Nothing hits my soft side harder than a cynical character reaching that turning point that makes them start to believe in love. Fuck yes, YOU SHOW THAT MAN SOME HAPPILY EVER AFTER PETE

• Soft Kitty by @ko-fiandfanfiction (E, 33k, completed)

Summary: Peter wasn’t wearing something Tony would call normal, not that there was anything inherently wrong with what he was wearing or anything. It just struck him as…different. To put it plainly. Tony is not sure what to make of this new development.

Review: For those of you who love some occasional feminization, this is the perfect treat. Soft, sexy and sweet, it combines top guilty, pining Tony with oblivious idiots in love, two of my favorite tropes. Amazing slow burn with glorious sexual tension, infuriating dancing around each other and a very satisfying get together. Bonus points for including the “Avengers living together in the Tower” trope, this is the 2012 team building fic we deserved.

• Solitaire by @darker-soft-starker (M, 29k, completed)

Summary: After a traumatic experience, Tony loses his marriage and his business empire in one fell swoop. At rock bottom, it takes real change to pick up the pieces, to dig himself out of the funk he's been living in. It's not pretty. Along the path of healing Tony meets a bright young man, Peter Parker, who makes the entire journey worth it.

Review: Oh man, this was a tough ride on the soul. Few things hurt me like reading whump!Tony but his healing journey is so beautiful it’s all worth it. Top notch characterization, amazing dialogue, FEELS EVERYWHERE, and a gorgeous portrayal of loneliness, friendship, hope and love.  

• Someone Who Makes you Happy by tuesday (T, 6k, completed) Soulmate AU

Summary: Peter was born with several marks already marring his skin, including an interlocking AES over his heart. A scar-sharing soulmate AU.

Review: This fic is absolutely stunning and it makes my heart ache in all the right places. Great worldbuilding (I LOVE the scarring concept, so unique and fitting to these characters), A+++ Tony characterization (the wit and the self-hate are so spot on I could weep) and a journey full of longing, until they finally get to be on the same page. 

• Splice by Mezzymet (E, 35k, completed) A/B/O

Summary: "He's not...." The doctors polite nature and disposition hadn't been able to mask the odd tone of his voice, like he had been reading someone's death certificate. Only Peter hadn't been on his death bed. "Peter isn't like the other kids.

Review: I keep coming back to this story because it’s such a fascinating and unique take on this trope. Very well thought and put together - the world building is fantastic, the sex sequences are breathtaking, and Tony’s gentle thoughtfulness makes me wanna cry.   

• Stopover by @cagestark (E, 10k, completed)

Summary: A stopover is just a break in a journey. Tony is on the run from the organization he used to kill for, and when he stopped for gas and coffee in the small town of Stopover, IL, he had no plans to leave with anything more.

Review: *sigh* this is the mob boss!Tony fic I’ve waited for all my life. Even more impressive than the delicious smut checking all my kink boxes was the phenomenal build up, the overall urgent atmosphere that surrounds those “on the run”, combined with the gentle wonder of stealing a moment in time to find solace in the most unlikely place. Breathtakingly moving. 

• Student Body President Election by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed)

Summary: Tony and Peter are competing for Student Body President and a smear campaign takes things a little too far.

Review: GIMME ENEMIES TO LOVERS AND ALL THE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA. This ficlet is so fun and adorable it will make your heart smile. Great plot idea and the usual bonus points for protective!Tony being a sweetheart. Will have more 30k, pls and thank.

• Such a Softer Sin by @css1992 (E, 18k, completed) background Peter/Norman

Summary: Tony is a self-made man. Peter is a sugar baby – someone else’s sugar baby.

Review: Another fantastic slow burn that hit me hard in the feels. I love it when fics explore the characters’ personal struggles before they get together, and while the Peter!whump destroyed my heart, Tony’s parallel journey of growth took my breath away. css1992’s talent took the good old sugar baby trope to a whole new epic level. 

• Summer Daze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 4.3k, completed)

Summary: Starker no-powers au where Peter watches construction worker Tony from his bedroom window as the older man works across the street.

Review: Ahh yes, the classic “food as metaphor for love” trope, my absolute jam. This fic is so adorable and endearing, pining!Peter in his wooing mission makes my heart ache and the sweet anticipation is so good. There’s something about this fic that gives me nostalgia; it’s as soft and warm as a summer breeze.

• Tamed by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)

Summary: Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and spy for SHIELD. Working with another SHIELD spy, the infamous Spider, he will take down an infamous human trafficking ring in New York. But the act they have to put on will demand more from Tony than he ever thought he'd have to give. Not that he minds.

Review: It’s no wonder this is Cage’s most beloved fic. Bad boy!Tony being all soft for Peter is everything we deserve, not to mention a mesmerizing (and HOT AF) first time together. This fic shows how rich and captivating Cage’s writing is - she’s able to transform that old basic trope into something unique and heartfelt. If you need one more reason to read this, please consider: best first bj ever :)    

• Teacher!Tony wrong number by @areluctantsblog (T) tw underage

Summary: Peter’s using a replacement phone and mistypes Ned’s number asking for help on a physics problem.

Review: I have such a soft spot for this fic! It was one of the first AUs I’ve ever read and I’m completely in love with their dynamics. Peter’s underage but this fic is carefully written and pretty tame, so I’d rec it to anyone looking for the good old “they probably shouldn’t, but then again nothing’s happening” trope.  

• The Bleedover Effect by tuesday (T, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU

Summary: The first time Tony got punched in the face by nobody there, he had a lot of very complicated feelings about it that mostly boiled down to, "I deserve this." A pain-sharing soulmate AU.

Review: Tuesday truly is the queen of soulmate AUs, we have no other choice but STAN. First of all, I adore the concept here - being such a sucker for whump, this could easily become my favorite soulmate trope. As usual, her Tony voice is perfect and his devotion to Peter hits my fragile heart every time. Kudos for the soft and hopeful ending. The series has been discontinued but the sequels are very much worth the read, if you’re up for it :)

• The Catfish Chronicles by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 32k, completed)

Summary: Peter creates a fake profile under the name “Benjamin” trying to catch his scumbag boyfriend cheating. Tony creates a Tinder profile for "Anthony" looking for love late in life. Funny how two geniuses who fight side by side every day can only manage to fall in love after they've accidentally catfished each other. This is... gonna get awkward.

Review: My identity porn thirst might be showing but who cares, I want these two idiots pining after each other in every possible way. This was such a fun and exciting ride! The suspense had me legit freaking out and their get together was lovely and wholesome. I particularly adored how thoughtful and sweet Tony was dealing with Peter’s insecurities, that was handled really well. A treat!

• The Concept of Domesticity by @peters-tofu (E) mpreg

Summary: Tony has accomplished nearly everything he's set out to do, now he wants something different. A family of his own? Sounds easy enough. But he's far too impatient for a relationship, so surrogacy it is. Meanwhile, twenty-two year old college student Peter Parker has just volunteered to be a bearer at an agency.

Review: Can’t say I’m a big fan of this trope but since every rule has its exception, here it is! The only Starker mpreg I’ve ever read is so so good and adorable I can’t help smiling every time I think about it. I just love their dynamics, the soft domesticity, the cute bantering, and the fact that Peter has one baby daddy all wrapped around his little finger but what else is new ;)

***The Date by Neuropsyche (E, 33k, completed)

Summary: Tony has a high society gala and he needs a date.

Review: My favorite fake dating AU so far, this fic is so sweet and wholesome. Confident!Peter is my jam and it was amazing to see their sassy bantering evolving into genuine affection towards each other, not to mention the delicious hot smut with dom!Tony :D 

• The Final Heist by @starkerforlife6969 (G, 10k, completed)

Summary: Tony’s only got one more heist. He does this, he can be retired on an island in the Mediterranean in a month. All he needs is a world-class art forger. (White Collar inspired)

Review: Honestly, the amount of times I’ve mentioned SFL in this list is getting embarrassing. I must have done something really good in another life to get such a talented author writing something inspired by one of my favorite TV shows. I feel like this fic was personally crafted for me; it’s original, romantic, sexy, fun, clever and so very atmospheric. I’m a lucky hoe. 

• The Heart Benefits of Exercise by @areluctantsblog (E, 14k, completed)

Summary: Personal Trainer Tony and Gym Newbie Peter. Peter can hardly keep it together watching Tony demonstrate different exercises and lift weights. Tony is very much aware of the effect he has on his trainee, and after a session, Peter begs to be shown a whole different array of exercises.

Review: This fic was a lovely surprise, very relatable and entertaining. Love myself an adorable Peter thirsting over Tony (can’t really judge lol), especially if it comes with a good amount of pining and hot, kinky smut :D

• Tipping the Scale by JayPendragon (E, 119k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a rhythm. A system. All runs like a well-oiled machine, engineering pun intended. Every wheel of his life is churning perfectly. He doesn’t expect Tony Stark of all people to throw a wrench in it.

Review: Hooker!AUs are my kryptonite, I’m so here for the “fuck first, talk later” and the general pining + misunderstandings + h/c combo this trope provides. This amazing longfic delivers it all with a well-paced, delicious slow burn told from Peter’s POV, which is always a delight to read and makes you fall even more in love with him. If you also enjoy this trope you’re in for a treat!

•  To Catch a Spider by Thekeyandquill (E)

Summary: After the war, Peter Parker left his career as a spy behind to live a simple life in the south of France. But when someone frames him for the theft of plans for a new weapon, he must re-enter his old life and get close to the real thief's likely next target - one Tony Stark. A To Catch a Thief AU.

Review: TKAQ is so skilled their writing should be experienced like fine wine. Amazing research, top notch world building and characterization, and the loveliest atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re inside a movie. Clever, organic dialogue and a sexual tension so palpable you can almost taste it. This is a gem. Make sure to check their other works.

•  Two White, Two Black, One Pink by @starkerforlife6969 (E) poly fic: Peter/Tony, Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Strange Summary: Peter has three (maybe one day: four) men in his life who mean the world to him. Review: Ugh, this fic is pure bliss. It has legit ruined me for any and all other poly fics. Words just cannot describe how gorgeous, poetic and unique SFL’s writing is, or how deeply it has affected me. So if you enjoy Mafia AUs, poly fics and soft-but-also-bamf!Peter taking care of Tony AND being taken care of by the men he loves, give this a chance and experience transcending storytelling. 

•  Uranium Heart by spqr (M, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU Summary: It’s probably better, Peter thinks, that he doesn’t know who his soulmate is. He wouldn’t want to lie to them about Spider-Man, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to tell them the truth, either.

Review: Be still my heart. This is such a gorgeous fic! Not only it combines two major tropes in a coherent 11k story, but I also appreciate how spqr explores these characters and their dynamics in a very unique and realistic way. I strongly recommend checking their other works, especially Landslide. 

•  Waiting Game by @cagestark (E, 6k, completed)

Summary: Peter hasn't seen Tony in fifteen years. Not since he had their hasty marriage annulled, graduated college, and moved across the country. Their twenty year high school reunion will find them reunited. They've both changed, but one thing hasn’t. Hint: it's their feelings for each other.

Review: This fic literally made my heart BURST WITH FEELS: the whole build up and anticipation, the slow disclosure of their past, the first uncertain moments of their reunion. I also appreciate the powerful and moving message underneath it all, that true healing comes after we overcome our demons at our own pace. A masterpiece.

•  Wooing Peter Parker by Neuropsyche (E, 62.5k, completed)

Summary: Tony and Rhodey dodge the press and sneak into the library where they meet Peter Parker - who immediately catches Tony's eye. But Peter isn't a one and done kind of guy and Tony's going to have to work for what he wants this time.

Review: This is the kind of fic that warms you all over and makes you smile non stop. It has so many elements I love in fic: cute flirting, clever banter, hot sex, soft domesticity, boys being reasonable and talking their problems out for a change. If you’re looking for something light, sweet and honest, this series is a must read!

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Memories

Characters: Steve Rogers

Summary: Steve thought he could outsmart the soul stone to get Natasha and Gamora back. He should have known better.

Content Warning: Heavy angst and Steve pulling a repeat of the stunt he pulled with the Valkyrie. I still feel like an asshole for writing this. 

Word Count: 1.8k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies. Please don’t hate me for this one. I’m still bitter AF over how Endgame played out for Steve and an evil little part of my mind conjured this up as an alternative. Which honestly, is kinda worse than what the Russo’s did. Sooo... whoops? If you’re here for some Steve angst, saddle up. If you need fluff in your life, maybe check out one of my other Steve fics, mmkay? I’ll be here for virtual hugs when it’s over, lovelies! XOXO - Ash

Memories

The twilight rays from Vormir’s dying sun cast a haunting glow over the barren wasteland. Steve looked off into the distance, his mind quiet for once. He’d made his decision before he left to return the stones, he couldn’t go to Vormir without at least trying to get Natasha and Gamora back. Steve had done a little poking around, some seemingly innocuous hypotheticals, trying to figure out a way to return the stone and bring one of his best friends back from the dead. Natasha shouldn’t have had to sacrifice her future for theirs. They didn’t trade lives. Except, Steve thought, when it was his own.

Steve had found a grim satisfaction that his old nemesis was trapped for eternity in such a desolate place. It was close enough to what Steve thought Hell might be that it seemed like a fitting end for a monster like Johann Schmidt. He had only seen the man briefly as he hurried into the shadows but Steve knew exactly who he was. 

Looking down at the glowing orange stone in his palm, Steve sighed. It was his last stone to put back and he figured it would all be worthwhile if it worked. Natasha and Gamora would get to return home to their friends and loved ones, and he would finally be at peace. He’d almost stayed back in 1948 with Peggy, it had been a close thing, but in the end he knew she went on to have an amazing life that he wasn’t destined to be a part of. He would always love her, and he would cherish his memories of her for the rest of his days, but it just wasn’t meant to be. So Steve got his long overdue dance and wished Peggy all the best in life before hopping forward through the decades to his last stop, 2014 - Vormir. 

It was because of Peggy and all that he’d been through that Steve was uniquely qualified for his last mission. Leaving Peggy to the life she was meant to have, left Steve with nothing else to lose. He was a man out of time, destined to forever feel like a stranger in his own modern life. He couldn’t think of a single thing that he could sacrifice to the cliffs of Vormir, and that was why he would be the perfect person to carry out the exchange. He set his wristband and the remaining Pym particles on top of a white envelope on a nearby rock, the envelope containing a letter saying goodbye and explaining how to get back to 2023 should Natasha not remember. He’d planned it all out for so long, he ran through his checklist like a mantra.

Steve pulled out his compass, wanting to see Peggy’s face one last time before it was all over. If only the world had been different, maybe things between them could have been different too. His mental checklist complete, Steve knew it was time. With no unnecessary flair or delay, Steve took four long strides to the edge of the cliff, and then over. His last thought was that falling off the cliff felt almost exactly like going down in the Valkyrie. There was a peaceful sort of deja vu to it and Steve found a smile tugging at his lips as he collided with hard stone. The world went black.

xxXxx

The sky was glowing red and pink, casting purple shadows over the shallow lake Steve woke up in. He sighed, defeated, realizing he’d failed. Natasha and Gamora were nowhere to be found and the damnable glowing orange stone sat in his hand like a beacon. Steve whipped out his compass to help locate where he was in relation to the cliff, squinting in the dim light to see the dials. Figuring out where he was, he snapped it shut, tucking the old compass back into his pocket and heading north.

“I am surprised to see you again, Captain Rogers.” Schmidt hissed from behind a pillar of rock. He had been slithering around, wraith-like, since Steve arrived atop the cliff for the second time. 

“You and me both.” Steve grit out, frustrated by his complete failure. Schmidt laughed, a high pitched, crazed sound, and Steve snapped, “What?” he demanded, “Enjoying my failure?”

“What failure? You completed your sacrifice, the stone is now yours to wield.” 

“What sacrifice? There’s nothing I love to sacrifice. That was the whole point.” Steve huffed.

Schmidt chuckled again, “You always were deluded, Captain.” 

Steve swore under his breath, storming off. He couldn’t deal with Schmit’s nonsense on top of everything else. He gathered up his wristband, tucked the letter in his pocket, and activated the particles to get him home.

xxXxx

“It’s good to see you back in one piece, pal.” Bucky said, clapping Steve on the shoulder. 

“Thanks, Buck. It’s good to be back.” Steve leaned in to hug his best friend.

Bruce joined them, still uneasy about the whole thing. “Did everything go as planned?” he asked nervously. 

“Yep,” Steve nodded, “Not a hitch.” He certainly wasn’t going to admit his failure to his friends, not when that would have included having to explain his second failed attempt to sacrifice his life for the greater good.

“Glad to hear it.” Bruce told him, finally breathing a sigh of relief. He collected the wristband from Steve and then hustled back to start shutting down the time travel launch pad. 

“How was it going back to our time? Did you finally get that dance like you’d hoped?” Bucky asked him as they walked back to the car. 

“It was nice being back in the Brooklyn I’m used to. No dance though, I never did have any luck with the dames. Not enough time while I was there anyway.” Steve shook his head with a chuckle.

“Really?” Bucky stared in disbelief, “I thought the first thing you would have done after returning the stone would be to track down Peggy.”

“Peggy who? Was that Dot’s sister? The redhead you were always setting me up with?” 

“Peggy, Steve.” Bucky drew her name out slowly for emphasis. 

Steve shook his head, “Not ringing a bell, Buck. Now, what are we doing for dinner? I’m starving. Didn’t have any free time to grab a bite while I was running around time and space, and it feels like it’s been days since I’ve eaten.” 

“Steve,” Bucky changed tactics cautiously, “Can I see your compass for a sec?” 

“Sure thing.” Steve pulled out the black metal disc and tossed it to Bucky. “I think we’ll find our way to Burger King faster with GPS though.” 

Bucky stopped mid-step, staring at the old black compass. It was familiar but also, not. On one side of the interior were the dials and white face he knew like the back of his hand, but on the other side was glossy black metal where the face of one Margaret “Peggy” Carter used to be. 

“Steve, what happened while you were putting back the stones?” Bucky asked, his voice low and commanding. His tone had Steve pausing and turning back to face him. Steve knew that tone, it was the same one Bucky had used when they caught Jimmy Tammlin pocketing candy at Mr. O’Malley’s shop. They’d known what he’d done, but needed to hear him admit it. 

Steve sighed, rubbing a large palm across the back of his neck. “I put the stones back and came home.” 

“Bullshit,” Bucky grabbed Steve’s wrist, lightning quick, and started dragging him across the yard away from the car. “Bull-fucking-shit, Steve. You changed something, you stubborn asshole. I don’t know what you did, and clearly you don’t remember it, but we’re gonna have to figure out what it was and what other damage you may have caused.” 

Bruce heard Bucky calling his name as they got closer to Pepper and Morgan’s house. The look on Bucky’s face was all Bruce needed to know that the mission hadn’t gone off without a hitch after all.

xxXxx

It took three days of tests and repetitive questions, of Bruce and Bucky taking turns grilling Steve about every single moment of his time travels. Steve did finally admit to walking off the cliff in Vormir, knowing it was inevitable. Bucky had stormed out at that point to god only knows where. When he came back halfway through the following day he looked ragged but significantly calmer. Sam accompanied him upon his return, looking equally ragged but supportive. He was never more than a few steps from Bucky’s side, occasionally leaning into whisper something to the brunette that would have him nodding and taking a steadying breath. Steve felt awful he had caused everyone so much distress but as he kept telling them, if it had brought Natasha and Gamora back it would have been for the best. 

By the end of the third day Bruce seemed to have figured something out, though it still didn’t make any sense to Steve. They told him it was fine, no further damage had been caused, and let him go back to his hotel room on his own. Steve sensed something was up but if they weren’t concerned enough to tell him, it wasn’t worth worrying himself over. The battle was over, at least for what he hoped would be a while, and Steve needed to get back to New York and start putting the pieces of his new life back together. Again. It was far from the first time, but Steve hoped that maybe it would be the last.

“No one tells him, ever.” Bucky demanded after Steve left the lab and was far enough away not to overhear them.

“I’m not entirely comfortable with…” Bruce whined lightly. 

Sam shook his head, unable to believe he was about to agree. “Bucky’s right. We’ll tell the others, make sure no one says anything. Though mentioning her to him doesn’t seem to stick, so it’s not like if someone says something that it’ll matter.”

Bucky nodded, gesturing at Sam as proof. “See! All we’d be doing is hurting him. And that man has had enough hurting for five lifetimes. No. One. Tells. Him. Agreed?” 

Bruce hung his head in defeat. “Okay, he never finds out.” 

Sam nodded solemnly, knowing it wasn’t the best option but the only one they had. 

Bucky stormed out, his heart aching for his best friend. He couldn’t really be surprised, Steve always had always been a self sacrificing little shit. He should have known better than to try to outsmart the stones. And now, because of that, they had taken the very last bit of love Steve had in his life: his memories. 

[poorreputation]

Undertaker: The Last Ride

When I say I've been waiting years for this, I'm serious. Ever since Undertaker's loss at Wrestlemania 30, and shortly after that the news he would be on the Stone Cold Podcast, I've been eagerly anticipating seeing Mark Calaway speak as himself. Many fans have been hesitant to watch Calaway out of character, worried it would ruin the mystique of the Undertaker, but I've felt for years that the work put into these characters behind the scenes is just as fascinating as the fiction.

I watched episode one soon after it aired, and want to do a rewatch/reaction post before episode two drops tonight. Join me, if you wish.

If you've not seen the episode, a little content warning: there is blood, gore in a surgical setting (very, very graphic, but only there for a couple seconds at a time), needles, and implied injuries, including details of Mark's concussion at WM30.

CHAPTER 1: THE GREATEST FEAR

The series, all five episodes, takes place between 2017 and 2020. Chapter 1 covers Wrestlemania 33, and his match with Roman Reigns, which was intended to be his last.

This is the first time Mark Calaway's really opened up about his work, and himself in general. There's other instances of him being interviewed, even mixing fact and kayfabe, but never on a platform like this, certainly not with WWE.

Mark: You know they call me Santa Clause, now, right? Because I only come out once a year.

Jimmy Hart, being the sweetest: That's all you need to. You look great.

These backstage segments of Calaway with his coworkers are honestly some of the best parts of the episode. A transcript can only do so much justice.

Roman Reigns, upcoming opponent of the Undertaker, signs in at the lobby desk right next to Mark, being a smartass. Screw your camera guy, indeed.

Mark meditates on the struggles of working only once a year, and throughout the episode, chronicles the moments and injuries that make an already challenging schedule nearly impossible. Chasing the dragon that is the perfect match has lead him to a stalemate with himself and his character: if the Undertaker can go out in a match fitting of him at Wrestlemania, Mark Calaway will be happy.

Gah, baby 'Taker at his Survivor Series debut always gets me. No one could've called the run that boy was about to go on. I see other people call this portion of the episode the mythologizing of the character, building him up to be this big deal, and it's so funny to me because I wouldn't be watching if I didn't already think that of him. Like, y'all are just preaching to the choir, at this point. That, and so much that's been said here has been consistent with what Mark's peers have told about him in the past, it just feels like catching people up rather than building an image from scratch.

Say what you will about Vince McMahon (and there's a lot to be said), but there's something special about his comments on Mark Calaway. You rarely get to hear the guy talk candidly as it is, so when he does, you know it's important.

Calaway describing the weight, the prestige of Wrestlemania... and then the sneer he makes after that statement. I ain't a journalist, so I'll freely speculate: 'Mania's for the best of the best, and he just doesn't see himself as deserving to be there, not right now, at least.

Other wrestlers, from Orton to Edge to Batista, talk about what an honor, and mark of trust, it is to work with Undertaker, period. To work with him at Wrestlemania? You've arrived. The implication of what this would, or should, have meant for Roman is clear. It's a wonder if this image that his coworkers built up of him affected Mark's own expectations of himself. I mean, it's more or less spelled out in the episode, and it is the pro wrestling way to go out on your back, losing to someone who can use the rub, but, just throwing it out there, 'Taker had more pressure on him than most. That legacy, 'Mania, and the worry of managing to physically move during a match? It's overwhelming.

For those confused about why working once or twice a year would be so much more difficult than working hundreds of shows in that same time span, Steve Austin sums it up best: the road keeps you calloused and bruised. Ring rust from inactivity, due to being away or rehabbing an injury, gets you both mentally and physically. Knowing Mark's doing this process every year in his 50′s is insane.

During this, Steve plainly states that to go through that, and the many surgeries as Michelle McCool, Mark's wife, mentioned, it makes him a tough son of a bitch. It's an interesting note, considering we start this episode with Mark referring to that toughness as a thing of the past. His perception of himself, and what his peers see, is another fascinating aspect of the documentary.

Calaway talks about how nerve-racking the final workout before 'Mania is. The worry you'll hurt something while trying to train. Later, when other wrestlers talk about how calm, cool and collected 'Taker always seems... it's like they've built him up to be superhuman; Invulnerable to the same things and fears that plague all athletes. They talk about the physical decline, of course, that’s inevitable. But the mental side of things is where the biggest differences are.

Hoo boy, WrestleMania 30, the cause of my first major bout with depression. After that match between Undertaker and Brock Lesnar, not only was I crying and distressed, but there was then the news of Mark Calaway's hospitalization that was the numbing cherry on top. I remember registering how much more important the man's health was, but it was like I couldn't get any more upset. 

After that, I'd read up on so many rumors, that the only new bit of information here in the documentary is about when Mark's being rushed to the ER; how Vince infamously left the arena before 'Mania was over just to make sure Mark was okay, and, in new info, Brock was in the car with him. I cannot stress enough how humanizing that is to hear, especially considering how closely guarded Brock is about his persona, and how the man and the character are often so blended together. Time heals all wounds, but I really appreciated hearing that.

So, the injury for the uninformed: during the match with Brock, 'Taker got concussed. No one knows when it happened, much less Mark, who can't remember anything from after 3:30 PM that afternoon. To say I, and many others, were convinced this was it, he'd retire, would be an understatement. Many people felt he should retire, I did too, at one point. But, I could also tell Calaway wouldn't want to leave on such a note, because frankly, the match sucked. That's what happens when one person gets knocked the fuck out, and the other guy's gotta improvise. The fact 'Taker's going on muscle memory while he's out is nothing short of a miracle.

With WM30 in the books, 'Taker was at a low point, his confidence shot and a lot riding on his match with Bray Wyatt at WrestleMania 31 (or Play Button, if you prefer). Bray himself recalling how nervous he was, but how chill Undertaker appeared, in comparison.

Triple H's pep talk with 'Taker backstage is another gem, and I just love their friendship. I love the raw vulnerability this series is providing, both when it comes to 'Taker, and everyone else around him. I hope it's a constant through the rest of the docuseries.

WM31 was an ego boost, and leads into the superior Brock-Undertaker program in 2015. It's not highlighted as much, but it's fire, and I think allowed Calaway to redeem himself a bit, in his eyes. Not too much, since he didn't retire, but it made fans really start to come back 'round.

Now, I liked WM32 because I got to see it in person, and it was the first time I'd ever seen Undertaker live, so I'm a biased bitch. Anyone signing up to work Hell in a Cell is a ballsy move, and considering how old both 'Taker and Shane McMahon were going into that is no small feat. I liked it, it was a spectacle, and I was sports entertained. There is the implication, between showing clips of WM32 and 'Taker's appearance at the 2017 Royal Rumble, that Calaway wasn't satisfied with how the former turned out. It becomes fully fleshed out he's talking about entering the RR, and feeling intense regret, but that he was also disappointed with the former. Again, if he were happy with it, he'd have retired, but that's again the difference between what the fans see and what the wrestler sees. I, and I imagine roughly 100,000 others, had the time of our lives; Mark Calaway was, and still is, chasing perfection.

With RR 2017, Mark freely admits that he had no business being there. It sounds truly like his thought process in the moment, and not just the regret of how WM33 went down, and that the build for that match began when he and Roman went toe-to-toe at the Rumble.

Back to WM33 weekend. 'Taker's finished up the final workout, and is talking about his place on the upcoming card:

Mark: Regardless of my injuries, regardless of my age, regardless of everything that has happened, if I'm on the card, there's some young guy that's making a lot of the shows through the year, you know, that may not be on that card. So, it's my duty to make sure that it's worth putting me on the card. No one would probably say it to my face if I stunk it up, (but) I would know, and that's one of my biggest fears, and um, is becoming a parody of myself.

This is someone who's also been reading the rumor mill, the comments, general fan reaction. It's neat he's so receptive to fan interaction, and makes me wonder if he's actually been doing this for years, but it's also sad to watch him only see the negative sides. The Undertaker, as a character, wouldn't have worked for so long without innovation, so being open-minded is important. And, I'm all for Mark Calaway doing what he wants with his life, but, for him, will anything, any match, ever be good enough?

It's the night of the Hall of Fame 2017 and we see Mark and Michelle backstage greeting people. We get a shot of Mark saying hi to the likes of the late Bruno Sammartino, inductees Sean Waltman and Kurt Angle, and I just love how dolled up Michelle looks, whereas Mark's just in jeans, a dress shirt and a cap. I love their dynamic, so so much. Also, Mark and Kurt's friendship, that's adorable. One of the good things to happen when I found out about kayfabe was thinking how these characters who normally hate each other on screen, were really besties backstage. It's a thought that still tickles me to this day, and watching that in the episode on several occasions is a joy to behold.

Kurt's talking about 'Taker's role as locker room leader, and Mark mentions how it wasn't ever something he actively pursued, it just happened. Being locker room leader just seems to be yet another thing added to the legend of the Undertaker. Makes a bit more sense why Mark's peers put him on a pedestal.

Wrestlers are talking about how, very early on, Undertaker set the benchmark, the gold standard, of work every night. John Bradshaw Layfield goes on to say, "(Mark) was the yardstick. And if you did well, then pretty much you were in, if not, then you were out, because you knew if you didn't do well, it wasn't the Undertaker's fault." That explains why it hurts so much for 'Taker to not be at his best. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but it's fascinating to see all of these elements come together. It's also interesting to hear JBL build up 'Taker as the greatest of all time, and then plainly say he's never seen Mark in worse shape than he was heading into WM33.

On a lighter note, it's real funny to hear Mark and Roman talk about the latter's new twins (from 2017) considering he's got another set of twins on the way, now. Just in general, Roman going on about how much he loves talking to Mark about work, but mostly family and to hear the stories Mark's got to tell, you can see how much this match means to him. The prestige of working with 'Taker at any point, let alone 'Mania, he knows this is the highlight of his career. I can't help but respect Roman for that, and couldn't help but feel that way going into WM33. It's a stark difference from how I felt about Brock post-WM30, and I honestly thought I was prepared to watch Undertaker take his rumored loss at this show.

It's the night before 'Mania, and they're doing entrance rehearsals. The stage setup for this show was so cool, guys, it took inspiration from the theme parks that are littered throughout Orlando, and was a beauty to see live, especially when it got dark. And 'Taker's entrance, even in practice, is a spectacle.

Cuts to the day of WrestleMania 33. General nerves are felt, and the start of a very long day begins.

Mark: People say, "All you gotta do is go out there and chokeslam somebody, make your entrance, and everybody's gonna be happy." No. I'm not gonna be happy. Like when I say, and this isn't stupid man pride, or cliche stuff. I'm either gonna go out in a match that's befitting the Undertaker at WrestleMania, or I'm going out on my shield, one way or another.

And there we have it, the subject of this docuseries.

Roman talking about the weight of potentially being the last person to work with the Undertaker, it just makes you feel bad for him things didn't work out quite the way they planned. But, it's as JBL summed up before, no matter the outcome or if it's really 'Taker's last match, this is the biggest night of Roman Reigns' career. I know episode 2 will focus on the aftermath of WM33, and Mark's reaction, and what gets him to come back to wrestling, but I hope they get Roman's take as well. Is he as disappointed as 'Taker? Does he blame himself? Or, did he actually like what they did, flaws and all?

Content warning: they show the botched top rope dive from WM25, the one where 'Taker goes head-first into the mat. It's during the segment where Mark explains how he comes from the era of 'if you can move, you can make it to the ring'. He's okay, and we know he's okay, but it doesn't make it hurt any less to watch. They also mention the time he was severely sick and still worked a match with Big Show, and how he caught on fire in 2010 on the way to the Elimination Chamber match. Like, they actually show him engulfed in flames, then narrate how he went on to work the match. I love you, Undertaker, but JFC.

And now we're at the medical portion of the episode. Warning for needles.

Actual showtime for the match, and even now, 'Taker's entrance gives me chills. That feeling of happiness is indescribable, and is that precious something that never fails to make me smile.

So, everything else in the match is framed as great, brutal, well-done, and then that damn botched tombstone reversal comes up, and it's honestly the hardest thing to watch in the entire episode. I swear, it's the only bad thing in my eyes, and seems to be enough to make 'Taker dissatisfied. Again, I'm biased, with others saying his whole mood was off during the match, and that affected the overall performance, so what do I know? But, I will say this, ending 'Mania on such a grim note will always be a strange choice to me. I get it, if not the main event, where else would you put the Undertaker’s retirement match? Still, it completely changed my perception of the whole night, from riding high to finding myself depressed, once again. And maybe that’s exactly what all those wrestlers, namely Vince McMahon, were talking about. Instead of this being Shawn Michaels going out on a high note, it’s far more dour.

Mark: We'll see what tomorrow brings. 

And with that look, and the fact he's had a match as recently as March/April of this year, he won't be gone for long.

Preview for the next episode contains intense surgical imagery. Just a heads up.

Post-episode thoughts:

I learned very little new information, but that's not the the hook of this series for me. Undertaker's the first character I ever truly loved, long before the likes of Supernatural came into my life. An interesting dynamic is potentially seeing both the Undertaker retire, and Supernatural come to a close, in the same year. I don't find myself mourning either, because I've already been through that. Now, I just want to indulge in behind-the-scenes tales, and watch two of the most influential stories in my life come to a close.

I greatly look forward to Chapter 2 of The Last Ride, and the rest of the episodes to come.

[peggysousfan]

The Affair (Warning!! Smut assured)

Hey guys! It still contains violence, slander, and smut. Its still extremely ANTI-Steve Rogers and ANTI-Steggy. So if you support either one, do NOT read this. However, it is Pro- Peggysous!It is super long so I will separate it into sections. This is section 3. So enjoy!! :)

Two hours pass and Daniel begin to stir from his short slumber. Peggy feels him awaken and plays with his hair.

"Sleep well, love?" He looks at her and beams brightly, and then he feels it.

"Maybe a little too well." She laughs at his statement and feels his arousal against her inner thigh. She opens her legs and smiles at him.

"I think I can help with that." He laughs and kisses her with all his might, but before they connect, a door slams downstairs.

"What was that?" Peggy sits up and looks at the door. "I thought you said Rogers wasn't gonna be back anytime soon?" Daniel starts to panic and gets off Peggy.

"It can't be Steve; it's hardly reached noon. If he were coming back today it would be late at night." Peggy gets up out of bed and tosses on her robe. "Stay here, I'll check it out."

"You say it like someone's broke in." He jokes, trying to distract himself from worry.

"Ha bloody ha." She closes the bedroom door behind her and goes downstairs. "Hello? Who's there?" She grabs her gun from the drawer and walks about the house, looking for the one who slammed the door.

"Mom? What are you doing?" She jumps at the noise and points her gun away.

"Grant?! What the HELL are you doing home so early?"

"Why are you about to shoot me?" She glares at him and sets it down.

"I wasn't. I heard the door slam and thought someone had broken in." "What are you wearing?" His face snarls in confusion and disgust.  "Not that its any of your concern...I was just about to take a bath." Grant sets a straight face and asks why she's still home. "I could ask you the same thing." She crosses her arms. "Why are you home? And don't try to change the subject to me. Its my day off." He closes his mouth and looks away. "Grant Stephan Rogers. Why. Are. You. Home?" Peggy tilts her head slightly, her chin raised; she's going to get an answer out of him whether he wants to give it or not.

"Cause I am." Peggy stares him down and he starts to look around the living room. "I don't have to tell you, okay!"

"The hell you don't! I'm your mother. Now answer the damn question! I won't ask again." He tries to run up the stairs, but she grabs him by the back of his shirt. "Not so fast, mister." She holds onto him against his will with one hand and reaches in his bag with the other. "Well what do we have here? Hmm?" He tries to swat at her hand, and she gives him a deadly glare.

"Give that back!"

"Oh, look at that. 'Dear Mr. and Mrs. Rogers.' Well it looks like it's not meant for you now does it?" Grant groans and tries to get Peggy to let got of his shirt. She pulls at him and he crosses his arms, pouting. She reads the rest of the letter and slowly turns to Grant, her face red with rage. "What the HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!?"

"Let go of me!"

"No. No I'm not doing that, not at all. WHY in all the things you've done, YOU-"She takes a deep breath.

"I hate her! Okay! She deserved it!"

"Deserved it? You punched a little girl in the face and BROKE HER NOSE! What could she have possibly done? Hmm? WHAT!?" Grant looks at Peggy and snarls.

"Because she was talking to Jimmy! Okay! I thought she liked me, but she was playing with him at school. She's a slut, she deserved it!"

"You-"She takes a deep breath and tries to compose herself. Looking around the room, she sees Steve's belt that was thrown around when he was packing for the trip to Washington. Peggy never moved it because it was his mess to fix, not hers. "You think you're grown enough to hit a girl? Hmm? And not expect any consequences?" He lifts his chin defiantly.

"You don't scare me. You're just a woman, you can't hurt to me!" Peggy laughs and drags him through the room.

"We'll see about that, won't we?" She takes the belt and whips him with it twice.  "OW! Let GO OF ME!" She whacks his bum again. And he yells. "That hurts! STOP!" And she does.

"I thought a woman couldn't hurt you?" He wipes his tears away and looks toward the stairs. "And to think I actually gave birth to you...I don't think so. Because no son of MINE would ever behave that way. Get out of my sight! You horrid, ungrateful child!"

"I hate you!" He yells as he runs to his room and slams the door.

"And I hate my life..." She walks up the stairs and locks Grants door. "Well, mostly." Peggy walks back to her bedroom and finds Daniel fully dressed.

"Hey. Is everything okay? I heard yelling."

"Why are you dressed?" She walks over to him and saddles on his lap, her legs dangling from the side.

"Because I thought your husband was home..." "Well he's not." She smiles and places a kiss on Daniel's lips. Peggy starts to undo the buttons of his shirt and he stops her.

"Peg. What's going on." She sighs and slouches against him.

"I need a distraction. And relief." She looks into his eyes and he can see the misery beneath. He places a hand in her hair to sooth her. "I hate my life, Daniel. Steve and Grant... I want it to be over with. I want to run far away from them." "Peg... He's your son-"

"No. No he's not. No son of mine would ever behave the way Grant does. I've tried everything to make him act better and nothing works. And I'm not the one who wanted children in the first place." She looks away from Daniel and he turns her face to his. "I was hesitant to even marry him, Daniel. But I did. It was stupid and reckless, and when he said he wanted children... I said no." She shakes her head and wipes away her tears. "Do you know that the last time I was ever intimate with him was on our honeymoon...11 years ago. Right before Grant was born."

"Really? I had no idea..." "Why would you? He gropes and jokes about sleeping with me with the office boys on a daily basis...But that's beside the point." She looks back at him and frowns. "He got me so drunk that I don't remember anything from that night. All I know is that I found out I was pregnant several weeks later..."

"What?" "The worst part is Steve can't even get drunk, so he knew what he was doing when he didn't wear protection. That bloody wanker got the child he wanted and doesn't even care for him. And yet Grant and he are the same, well no... No Grant is worse. Steve's never actually hit me before, but Grant doesn't hesitate to hit girls. And I feel like I've failed as a mother because-

"Hey." He brings her to his chest and kisses her lips. "You're not a bad mom, Peg. You are an amazing one. You care for him with everything you have, but he doesn't show the same love back. That's on him. Him and Steve are wrong for treating you the way they do. Its their choice and their actions; not yours." She smiles at his words and lays her hands in his hair as they kiss again.

"I don't want to feel this Daniel..." He looks at her with heart shaped eyes and sadness beneath. He hates how miserable Peggy is. "The only good feeling I have is when I'm with you." Daniel rests his hands on her lower back as he listens to her every word. "And I-I don't want this, us, to ever end. I want you Daniel. I need to feel something..." He beams a bright smile at his love and undoes her robe

"Okay." He lays down on the bed as she starts on his shirt.

"Now it's my turn." She laughs. Peggy makes quick work of his shirt and pants as she throws them aside. Daniel laughs, and then catches his self.

"Is this really a good idea? Grant is here."

"I don't care. He won't hear anything." She rests her hands on the top of his boxers. "I want you...And you're not getting out of this," She slides her hand in them and he bucks his hips. "Fuck Peg!" He says, in a loud whisper. She laughs and pulls down his underwear.

"That's what I'm hoping to do," She cheeks. He laughs and pulls her down and kisses her roughly. She shrugs her robe off her body and sinks down on him. He gives a deep groan and she a loud moan.

"Shh" He chuckle. Peggy looks down at him and smiles.

"Make me..." She teases. His hands roam her back as he brings her down to him. They begin the kiss once more and Peggy's tongue begs for entrance. Daniel grants it as she begins to move. Faster and fast she moves up and down as the room fills with the sounds of two lovers making love. Daniel tries to keep his lips locked with hers to help her with volume control. "Daniel...Oh Daniel!" She tosses her head back as pulses around him.  "Pe-Peggy!" He thrust up and they both cum together. They separate their bodies but stay entangled as she lays on top of him, her head on his chest, and he brushes her hair from her face. She looks up at him and Daniel stares at her. He can see the golden flakes dance in her eyes like a beautiful galaxy.

"What?"

"You're so beautiful." She smiles bashfully and looks away. "Hey," She looks up at him once more and their lips meet for a gentle kiss. "I love you, Peggy." She wraps her arms around his neck as she continues to lay on top of him.

"I love you too." She places her left hand on his chest, right above his heart, and looks down at her wedding band. Daniel takes her hand and kisses it. "I wish this was your ring on my hand..." He reaches to place a kiss on her temple and holds her close.

"Maybe, one day...it will be."

4 weeks later:

"Peggy!" Steve storms into the SSR in the middle of the afternoon. "Peggy!" The woman in question emerges from the elevator. As of the past week, Agent Carter has made many trips to the toiletry during work hours, and no one knows why...Then again, no one really pays attention. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Does that really matter? I had to step away for a few moments." She says. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some reports I need to finish." She starts to walk away, but he grabs her wrist.

"Meeting room. Now!"

"Steve!?" She tries to yank her arm away, but he drags her into the room against her will. "Get your hands off of me!"

"NO." His grip tightens, and the pain begins to shoot up her arm.

"Ow! Steve that hurts! Let go!!" Peggy grabs his hand, but he flips it around and holds both of her wrist. "What the hell is wrong with you!?!" She continues to struggle against him, but nothing works; he's using his super soldier strength. "Steve... Steve please! Please let go!!" He shoves her against the closed door, and she starts to panic. Her breath is fast and uneven as he traps her with his body. She groans and tries to wiggle free, but he only holds tighter. "UGH!!"

"Hurts doesn't it?"

"OBVIOUSLY!" she hollers. Everyone in the office hears and tries to gaze through the half-opened blinds.

"How do you think our son felt when you grabbed him and hit him!"

"You're really asking about that now?! That was weeks ago!!" "And yet I'm only hearing about it now!"

"It's called DISCIPLINE Rogers! That's what a parent does when their child misbehaves! But you wouldn't know about that because you're never there to do anything!" She exclaims as she continues to try and get released. He squeezes hard enough for her to lurch in pain "OW!! STEVE!!" Hot tears run down her face as she looks up at him.

"Not only is Grant getting BEAT at HOME! But I just had to go to his school and bring him home because he was attacked and beaten at school!!"

"What!? Who-" "A bunch of girls from his class cornered him on the playground. Now he's covered in bruises with a broken nose and a sprained wrist!" "So...what then?" She gives a dry, and strained chuckle. "You thought you'd break mine!!" She cries aloud. She tries to fight of the tears as the crushing pain throbs in her wrist. Steve drags her from the door and pushes her against the table. "Steve!! STOP!" She tries to push and kick him away, but his body is flush with hers. "Get off of me!!!" She yells.

"I think you need to be shown who's in charge in this marriage." He places both of her wrist in his one hand and holds tight. She groans and keeps struggling. He squeezes tighter and she lurches forward.

"UGH!!" His free hand moves from her waist and travels lower. Peggy swerves her body away from him, but he crushes his body against hers. "Steve !!LET GO!!"

"I don't think so," He moves his hand and grabs the hem of her dress.

"DONT TOUCH ME!!" She kicks at his hand, and he crushes her wrist again. "OW!!"

"I've waited 11 years I think I'm entitled to this." Her breaths come out in spurts as she tries to wiggle away from his hand, but it doesn't work.

"NO! GET OFF!!" As Peggy and Steve yell and fight, the entire SSR stays still in a frightened silence. But the man that comes in from the file room doesn't stay still. The door burst open and Steve stops his trail.

"What the HELL ROGERS! Get off of her!" Agent Sousa exclaims.

"This doesn't concern you, Sousa." Steve says as he looks back at Peggy. Her face is bright red and drenched in tears.

"I'm fine, Daniel..." She lies. But she doesn't want Steve to hurt him.

"Daniel, huh? So, you two are pretty close?" His hand reaches for her dress again, and she turns her face away from him.

"Steve, please..." She keeps her legs tightly closed and her body turned as much as possible.

"Rogers, let her go! Can't you see she's in pain?!"

"She said she's fine. Right, honey?" His hand travels further and she tries to shove him away.

"Steve. Stop, please." She looks him in the eye and sees nothing but rage. He leans in against her and she leans back, and he whispers in her ear.

"I asked you a question..."

"Stop this." She says as calm as she can, but her words are shaken. "There is no point to this." Daniel starts to walk closer and sees how red her hands are. "What happened to Grant is awful, yes. But there's nothing I can do about it. Those girls had every right to fight back. They-"

"Are you kidding me?! You're supposed to defend your son! Not some rag tag of little girls." She groans from the pain in her arms and Daniel steps in.

"Rogers you need to stop! NOW!"

"So, what huh? Are you sleeping with Sousa? Cause that's the only thing I can think of as to why he won't stay out of our damn business!" "The entire office is in your damn business, Rogers! All the yelling made it our business. Let her go!!" He shoves Peggy and the table moves back.

"How can you live with yourself knowing you're hurting a pregnant woman!" Daniel's words take Steve by surprise, and Peggy gets free.

"WHAT!?!?"

"Daniel-" "Is that true? You're PREGNANT!?" Steve walks towards her. "Back off Rogers!"

"Darling, please just go! I'll handle it!" She yells and motions for Daniel to leave.

"'Darling!?'" Steve walks towards her and the tears never leave her face.

"Steve. Steve please! Wait!" She rubs her wrist as she walks back against the window.

"How long?" Peggy looks away, her eyes shut in fear. "I said HOW LONG!?" She lifts her arms to shield her face, and he grabs her arm, pulling her against him. "How long have you been sleeping with him?!?" Daniel leaves the room and rushes towards his desk.

"It not like that!" She sobs. "Really?! Because I know it's not mine Peggy! And you're the one that just called him 'darling'!!" He brings up his other hand and puts it around her neck. "Tell me how long!" She tries to gasp for air and smacks at his arm. But it's no use, his grip is too strong, and her vision starts to turn dark...Bang! And the whole office dunks down. Bang! Bang! Steve screams in pain and Peggy drops to the floor.

"Peg?!" Daniel rushes to her side and lifts her face. "PEGGY!?" He shakes her shoulders lightly and she opens her eyes. The first thing she sees is him.

"Daniel..."

"Hey, its okay, Peg. You'll be alright. I'm here." She moans softly and lays her head in his lap. Steve gets up and looks at them; blood oozes from his arm and leg. Now the other agents think it's time to step in. They take Steve away and a doctor comes to see Peggy; and her hand never leaves Daniel's...

[dudedrops319]

Dooley Noted - A musical journey through the mojo of a Toledo bluesman

(original version can be seen at https://toledocitypaper.com/feature/dooley-noted/)

Dooley Wilson is frustrated.

It’s 9:57 am on a cold Saturday in December and he is supposed to start playing at 10 o’clock. He has only just now stumbled out of the Toledo tundra into the cozy confines of the Glass City Cafe, which has booked him for its popular Bluegrass Breakfast music series.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” he cries out in the direction of restaurant owner Steve Crouse, who assures him everything is fine. Wilson looks pained as a brief flash of flame passes over his smoldering dark brown eyes. No, it’s not fine. He was scheduled to start playing the blues at 10 sharp, and now he’s going to start late. And a professional should always be punctual.

Undaunted, he swallows his disappointment and, within 10 minutes, he has everything set up at the front of the restaurant which serves as the stage. Upending his battered Cunard Queen of Elizabeth canvas bag, he sorts through the contents— Halls menthol cough drops, a bottle of slippery elm supplements (“Just in case my voice goes out”), a bottle of Deja Blue water, a glass vase that serves as a tip jar and a power strip.

He plugs the power strip into his amp, a well-loved 1965 Fender Bandmaster. And then out comes the artisan’s tool— his Jay Turser electric guitar. It doesn’t have a name or anything; it’s a utensil to serve the stew of blues (“It’s a cheapo guitar, but it’s MY cheapo guitar,” he muses). He’s almost ready. He asks, and a cup of hot black coffee is delivered. After the obligatory microphone check, he sits on the edge of a worn tan suitcase and readies his guitar. It’s time to go to work.

Soon the Glass City Cafe fills with the sound of the blues— and Wilson is lost in ecstasy. He’s sitting atop the worn tan suitcase, choking the guitar neck, his angular carved-in-stone features a mask of concentration, fingers and knuckles gnarled from a lifetime of plucking strings. There’s no setlist, no backdrop, no real plan. Just a working man with an instrument sharing the gospel of what he believes is the greatest music that exists. Wilson plays the blues as if his life depends on it.

And maybe it does.

From C.J. to Dooley

Dooley Wilson does not take toast with his mozzarella cheese omelet, favoring potatoes instead. Sitting in the Glass City Cafe months later— this time as a patron— he is a bit more relaxed than he was when he played here. He still doesn’t smile much. Wilson isn’t grumpy, he just carries himself with an intensity that’s disarming. You get the feeling that he doesn’t want to be here. That’s because he lives to do one thing: Play the blues. And when he’s not playing the blues, by gum, he wants to be playing the blues.

But for now, he’ll tell his story. Now 45 years old, he was born C.J. Forgy, in West Lafayette, Indiana to James and Sandy Forgy. His parents split when he was two years old and he went to live with his maternal grandmother in Maumee. An only child, Wilson describes himself as an “artsy kid” who spent hours in his room drawing and writing.

“Everyone thought I was going to be a visual artist,” says Wilson, taking a sip of his coffee. “But along with writing, over the years I’ve let those skills atrophy,” he says, with a regretful sigh. “But I don’t know; I’m thinking about taking up drawing again for its therapeutic value.”

So what sparked his obsessive devotion to the blues? It started as musical hangups often did in the ‘80s— with a cassette. At 15, Wilson, who was teaching himself guitar and whose musical tastes at the time ran towards Led Zeppelin, walked into Camelot Music in the now-long-gone Southwyck Mall and spied a tape from Columbia Records called Legends of the Blues Vol. 1. There was something about that tape that spoke to him.

He picked it up and looked at the back. As-yet unfamiliar names like Bo Carter, Blind Willie Johnson, Charley Patton, and Leroy Carr stared out at him from the tracklisting. Robert Johnson— he knew that name from an interview he’d read with Jimmy Page and he was fascinated by the infamous story about Johnson reputedly getting his blues talent while making a deal with the devil at a crossroads. Maybe it was the ghost of Johnson himself speaking to Wilson that day in Camelot Music. All he knew is that he had to buy it.

When he got home, he popped the tape into his boom box, and something in the universe shifted. At that moment, C.J. Forgy ceased to exist and the bluesman named Dooley Wilson was born.

“That anthology started this mystique and passion I had for this music,” says Wilson, in between forkfuls of omelet. “It just spoke to my angst-ridden soul at the time and I had never heard anything so authentic, so human, so real. Take Son House’s song ‘Death Letter,’ which is on that anthology. It’s taken from his 1965 Columbia session and it’s just this amazing song about how a man gets a letter saying that the woman he loves is dead. It’s just…” Wilson often trails off when he talks about the blues; yet another reason why he’d much rather play you a song than talk about it.

From that fateful moment, the blues wasn’t just a preferred style of music to listen to or to learn to play… it became, at that time, a life choice.

“I decided I’m going to devote my life to being some kind of bluesman like Fred MacDowell or Son House,” says Wilson. “It became much more important to me than making a living. If you weren’t dead and black, I couldn’t be bothered to listen to you.”

Henry & June

By the way, where did that name Dooley Wilson come from? Wilson smiles broadly with a touch of sheepishness. He was setting up one of his earliest gigs, at the famous East-side haunt Frankie’s, and his buddy Lance Hulsey (currently the leader of Toledo rockabilly outfit Kentucky Chrome)— who Wilson played with his first band, a heavy metal project called Harlequin— said that the promoter needed to know what to call him… and C.J. Forgy didn’t exactly sound bluesy. So the young musician, right there, decided on the name Dooley Wilson in homage to the actor and musician of the same name, famous for playing the character Sam in Casablanca. Dooley Wilson is now his legal name. He cashes checks with that moniker.

With a new name under his bluesman’s belt, the then-recent Maumee High School (Class of 1992) graduate needed a band that would let him explore the blues the way he wanted to. The result was Henry & June, a heavy blues ensemble that Wilson formed with his good friend Jimmy Danger. They got the band name from a recently released biopic of Henry Miller, one of Wilson’s favorite authors.

“I was obsessed with the blues at that time, but I’m still incapable of playing it correctly,” says Wilson, draining his coffee cup. “I was really struggling to learn how to play blues the way it was meant to be played.”

But even as he worked to unravel the mysteries of Deep South blues, Wilson was experiencing something unexpected: Success. Henry & June had released a single called “Going Back to Memphis” on Detroit label Human Fly Records, and the song was attracting a lot of heat. The popular band The Laughing Hyenas— which featured former Necros member Todd Swalla, who would go on to play with Wilson in his later outfit Boogaloosa Prayer— were big fans of the song and were trying to get Henry and June signed to Touch and Go Records. Some cat named Jack White, who had a little band called The White Stripes, also was a big Henry and June fan and began covering “Going Back to Memphis” in concert.

“We were kind of a hot, cult thing on the scene in Detroit,” says Wilson, thanking the Glass City Cafe waitress as she refills his coffee. “Jack White wasn’t the only cool person in Detroit who knew who we were though, of course, he became the most famous one. Judah Bower of the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion put out a cover of the single on his side project called 20 Miles. I heard The Von Bondies used to cover ‘Going Back to Memphis.’ It’s a really fun, simple, dumb song.”

And then right when things started to go well for Henry & June, it all went wrong. The blues were supposed to feel like freedom and suddenly Wilson and the rest of the band began to feel decidedly trapped.

“Jimmy in particular felt like things were getting stagnant,” says Wilson. “Things were going good for us but it started to feel like we were just going through the motions. It was creative claustrophobia.” And so the band, at its peak, unceremoniously broke up.

“We were just dumb kids. We had no idea what we were doing with our little garage band. Looking back, that may have been the worst decision of my career. But when you’re young and dumb, you don’t realize that; you just think ‘Well, I’ll just do the next thing that comes along.’”

Today, Henry & June is fondly recalled as an early part of the Detroit music resurgence of the latter 20th Century. While The White Stripes, Kid Rock, The Detroit Cobras, and various Detroit rappers, from Eminem to Insane Clown Posse, put the Motor City musically back on the map, Henry and June remains a small part of that legacy. Copies of “Going Back to Memphis” routinely go for more than $100 on eBay, and the song was recorded live by The White Stripes for their DVD concert film, Under Blackpool Lights.

And no, Wilson hasn’t received any royalties. It all worked out for the members of Henry & June, though. Drummer Ben Swank is now the top A&R guy at Third Man Records, Jack White’s label. The band did a well received reunion back in 2010 in Toledo and everyone is still cool with one another. But in rock-n-roll and the blues, time waits for no one, so Wilson was off to new projects and new adventures.

And those adventures would lead to him nearly lose his mind.

On a wing and a Boogloosa Prayer

Brushing off the ashes of Henry & June, Wilson decided to further buckle down and get more “authentically bluesy.” He quickly formed a new band with Ben Swank and guitarist Todd Albright, that went through various names such as Dime Store Glam and Gin Mill Moaners. They sat in for many nights at the long-gone-but-never forgotten Rusty’s Jazz Cafe.

“I was spending all of my disposable income on that watered down whiskey at Rusty’s,” said Wilson. “Rusty’s was an amazing little place.” After a while though, he got restless and decided he would get as real as the blues could get and move to New Orleans.

“I wanted to see if I could live as a street performer,” said Wilson. “I had this rather naïve idea that I could possibly make a living at it in that town. I suspected it was the place on Earth where you might encounter people doing this kind of music.”

So Wilson moved to New Orleans, virtually homeless, busking on the streets of NOLA. Meanwhile, The White Stripes were starting to get their first big taste of international notoriety and began introducing “Going Back to Memphis” to a whole new audience due to their frequent covering of the song in live gigs.

“There I am trying to get lunch money down in New Orleans, and suddenly The White Stripes and the whole Detroit thing started to blow up and I’m trying to be Mr Authenticity down in effing New Orleans,” says Wilson, shaking his head incredulously. “My career is awful. I always zig when I should have zagged.”

But New Orleans proved to be an artistically fruitful time for Wilson. He met true, dyed-in-the-wool blues players who were playing incredible music from their souls. Nobody had record deals or anything that could get in the way of making direct, honest music. Many of these men and women were homeless or living off the grid; something Wilson describes as “an anti-American dream.” He talks enthusiastically and excitedly about that time in his life.

“These were some of the greatest living blues artists. There was a guy named Augie Junior who was simply incredible. I had never heard anything like him. There was this woman named Lisa Driscoll who played the washboard. People called her Ragtime Annie. And…”

Suddenly Wilson stops in mid-sentence and a hollow expression crosses his face. He stands up, sets his coffee cup down, excuses himself with a hurried “I’m gonna step out for a minute” and before uttering another word, he’s left the Glass City Cafe. A few minutes pass and he returns, wiping his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, sitting back down. “It’s just…it’s hard talking about this. I just got a little overwhelmed talking about some of my departed friends.”

He steadies himself with a sip of coffee that’s starting to go cold, as he’s eager to move on to talk about his other great band, Boogaloosa Prayer. Formed after moving back to Maumee fresh off a year in New Orleans, Boogaloosa Prayer, which Wilson says “was one of the best things I ever did artistically” came after stints in short lived bands like The Young Lords, and The Staving Chain.

Boogaloosa Prayer, an aggressive blues rock outfit featuring in part his old friend Jimmy Danger and Maumee drumming legend Todd Swalla, garnered quite a devoted following, playing in both Toledo and Detroit. The band had momentum behind them that recalled the Henry & June days. Then one hot summer night in 2006 at the now-shuttered Mickey Finn’s Pub, Wilson’s demons got the better of him.

Sporting a shaved head and a sickly frame that was skinny even by his normally lithe, sinewy standards, Wilson cracked onstage during the show. He ranted incoherently, couldn’t perform any songs, and couldn’t remember any lyrics. To everyone who was there, it was a harrowing experience.

Today, Wilson is reluctant to talk about the incident but he acknowledges it happened.

“I can say that I had a horrible psychotic breakdown and it had an impact on my life,” says Wilson, a bit guardedly. “At the time I had several severe emotional stressors in my life. A toxic woman in my life was stalking me. I had a business deal that was crushing me under the pressure. Plus, Boogaloosa Prayer was breaking up at the time because Swalla was moving to California. It all led to that time in my life.”

Following his breakdown, Wilson spent some time in a psychiatric ward, and lived in his aunt’s attic as he attempted to rebuild his fragile psyche. He eschewed traditional psychotherapy and refused meds because he’d seen too many of his friends “get hooked on those damned things.” Through a lot of hard work, meditation, and support from his friends, Wilson says he “totally got well again” and he hasn’t had any mental health issues since— thank goodness.

“Losing your sanity really puts a damper on your life.”

Still walkin’ down that road…

Wilson now lives in what he calls “a shack,” though it’s actually a carriage house out on a property in Maumee. The place smells of incense, a bit cramped but cozy abode, filled with guitars, amps, books on Buddhism, and novels by Charles Bukowski. Exactly how you would expect Wilson to live. This is not the living quarters .of a typical 45 year old, but it is definitely the home of a bluesman— and that’s all Wilson ever wanted to be. He plays gigs around the region and works as a “factotum” (his term) helping out family members and friends with projects. He’s completed an album and is currently trying to figure out how to release it. Love? Not interested.

“I have the kind of personality where I just do better alone,” he says simply. He may be alone but he’s not lonely. He has the best friends in the world in his life, even if most of them are dead. Son House. Sonny Boy Williamson. Bo Carter. All those great blues artists of yesteryear he counts as his personal friends, and by playing their music and his own songs inspired by their influence, Wilson is a happy man.

On that cold December day at the Glass City Cafe, Wilson utters a line that captures his essence: “Oh, I’m Dooley Wilson. Don’t mind me.” But, about that, he’s wrong. Mind him. Pay attention to Dooley Wilson. Pay close attention.

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[capandbuckysgirl]

Will You Catch Me? Sebastian Stan x Reader

Will You Catch Me? (Sebastian Stan x Reader)

Written for @omnomsauruswrites 200 followers writing challenge! I chose the prompt “You’re going to have to limp faster than that…”

Warnings: This is a whole bunch of fluff, a bit of swearing… that’s it! I know, right!?

Summary: Sebastian and Y/N started dating while he was filming Infinity War but have kept it a secret from the press. Now they’re on promotional tours for Avengers 4 and stop by Jimmy Kimmels’ show. Can they keep it a secret for long?

This is a work of fiction, I obviously don’t know who will actually be in the 4th Avengers movie… GIF not mine, credit to owner!

I stood backstage waiting patiently for Jimmy to call our names. Rocking back and forth on my crutches as my palms began to sweat a bit. This was the first promotional tour stop for the fourth Avengers movie and I was super exited and anxious to get the first interview finished.

“Alright, places. Ten seconds.”

Inhaling deeply, I let a smile pull across my lips as I heard all of our names called.

“Please welcome some of the stars of the new Avengers movie, Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Zoe Saldana, Tom Hiddleston, and Y/N Y/L/N.”

Slowly, I walked out, my eyes scanning the crowd as I tried not to trip.

Smiling wider as Jimmy stood to greet us all, I hugged him as best I could, the cast on my leg feeling extra heavy as I sat down carefully on the couch between Chris and Sebastian.

Chris grabbed my crutches and put them behind the couch as everyone else settled into the chairs behind us. Sebastian smiled at me once, his fingers rubbing against my thigh discretely as we all took turns waving at the crowd while they screamed and hollered. This was still the part that I wasn’t used to; the fans. The absolute chaos that came along with being a part of Marvel.

“Okay, welcome. Welcome all of you. It’s great to see you all here tonight.” Jimmy said as he sat back down behind his desk.

We all thanked him, telling him it was a pleasure to be there. I could feel Sebs’ fingers rub against my thigh again as I crossed my legs as best as I could with the damn cast in the way.

“So I just have to ask this first; Y/N…”

“Oh come on,” I laughed as I turned toward him a bit more. “You want to know about the leg?”

Chris and Sebastian started laughing as I covered my face with my hands. I knew it would come up, but the first question of the night?

“It was one of the last days of filming re-shoots, she was doing one of her stunts,” Zoe explained from the chair behind me, her hand resting on my shoulder.

“You do your own stunts?” Jimmy asked incredulously.

“Sure, the ones that I feel I can make look good, you know, realistic on film.” I answered with a nod. “That way they can actually use my face in the shots. Chris, Tom and Seb do the same thing when they can.”

“Okay, so you were doing one of your stunts, can you tell us what it was without giving anything about the movie away?” Jimmy asked as he leaned forward, looking a bit excited.

I laughed again, shaking my head as I unconsciously scooted closer to Sebastian. It was so easy to forget we were in the public eye at the moment, I just wanted to be close to my boyfriend. No one but the cast knew about us, we had decided early on that we would keep our relationship away from the press for a while and just enjoy being together as a couple.

“Sure,” I said softly as I cleared my throat. “So I was working with Tom Hiddleston, we have a big fight scene against some of the villains in this movie.” I turned back a bit and grabbed Tom’s hand. “He was an incredible person to act along side, let me just say that first.”

“Y/N made it so easy, Jimmy,” Tom said with a smile. “She’s such a talented actress.”

“So Loki and my character Sersi are in the middle of a huge battle in New York and I’m supposed to do a back flip off of a car over one of the bad guys.”

“Wow, damn,” Jimmy commented as the crowd screamed again.

“So I’d practiced it a million times,” I chuckled. “I went to do it again and my foot slipped a bit as I did the flip and I landed wrong. I broke my ankle in four places.”

“Ouch, that sounds awful!”

“She’s been such a champ about it,” Chris spoke up, patting my knee gently. I smiled over at him. “All she asked was if they got the shot.”

“Luckily they did so, me making an ass of myself paid off.” I laughed heartily, my face turning a bit red. “I think we actually have a surprise for the audience.”

The crowd roared with screams and applause before I could even get anything else out. Sebastian turned toward the crowd and hollered, “You want to see the clip? We have the clip of the scene she’s talking about.”

The crowd roared louder as they cut to the clip.

Sebastian grabbed my hand into his, Chris watching us with a huge smile on his face. Jimmy looked toward us as well as Seb let go and settled back into his seat and waited for the clip to end.

Loud claps, screams and whistles broke out as the clip faded to black.

“Wow, that was impressive. You looked amazing Y/N, and Tom; Loki being back in this movie was a huge surprise.” Jimmy said as the crowd finally calmed back down. I thanked him as Tom smiled.

“Yeah,” Tom agreed. “I’ve loved every minute of playing Loki. It’s been such a huge part of my life now. It’s like Chris playing Steve Rogers or Robert playing Iron Man or Chris Hemsworth as Thor. We’ve all grown to love our characters, they’re a part of us. This has all been such an adventure and I’m super proud of what I’ve brought to the character over the years.”

“Now Zoe, what about you? How has this been different from the Guardians movies?”

“Well, there are so many of us in these past two movies. It gets a bit overwhelming at times because you’re just never sure who you’ll be meeting that day. It’s such a huge shoot, we’re all always together and we have developed amazing friendships, but it really does get overwhelming.”

Chris and Sebastian both nodded in agreement as Chris spoke up.

“I think that with these past two movies it’s been all building up to this. All of the single movies and the other Avengers films, ten years has all led to this. I think there’s a huge expectation with this one, you know?”

“Everyone has built up their character, developed a huge fan base behind those characters - it’s all so much.” Sebastian said as he ran his fingers through his hair and licked his lips, my eyes following the movement. “We’re all excited to see what the public makes of this one.”

“And I have to ask, have there been any on-set romances? There have been rumors, but nothing confirmed.” Jimmy smiled as he scanned all of our faces.

Chris chuckled slightly, rubbing his beard as he glanced over at me. I grit my teeth slightly, my heart hammering behind my ribs as his blue eyes bore into mine, the corners crinkled as he smiled.

“Well,” he cleared his throat.

“Chris,” Sebastian warned, his eyes huge as he looked over at Jimmy.

“What?” He asked innocently. “I was just going to say I wasn’t sure what the rumors were.”

Zoe and Tom laughed as I rolled my eyes at him. I grabbed Sebastian’s hand and squeezed his fingers. Sighing heavily, Sebastian smiled brightly and nodded infinitesimally.

“If it’s about Y/N and I, they may be true,” Sebastian finally said. The crowd once again broke out into loud screams and applause. “We’ve been dating for over a year now.”

Jimmy smiled brightly, “That’s great, you all heard it here first. We’ll have to find out more about your relationship when we have you back. A huge congratulations to you both.”

We both thanked him as he turned toward the camera.

“The movie is Avengers 4, opening in theaters May 3rd. Thank you all for being here.”

We all thanked Jimmy and got up, Zoe handing me my crutches. I glared at the back of Chris’ head as he laughed with Jimmy. I leaned toward Chris, my hand still clutched in Sebastian’s.

“I’m going to kill you,” I whispered. Chris whipped toward me, his eyes searching mine for a moment before he started walking off the stage.

I started behind him, my crutches not making it easy at all to keep up with him. He turned back toward me, his eyes full of mischief.

“Well, Y/N, you’re going to have to limp faster than that.”

Sebastian stopped me, turning me toward him and kissing my lips softly. “Don’t worry babe,” he whispered, “I’ll kill him for you.”

“I love you,” I said softly.

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”

Sebastian let go of me and ran after Chris backstage. Tom and Zoe stood with me as we heard, “Oh, fuck!” and then a door slamming. 

“Got him trapped babe,” Sebastian hollered. I grinned brightly as I hugged and kissed Zoe and Tom.

“Excuse me, I’m going to kick someone’s ass. Love you both and we’ll see you at the premiere.”

With that I hobbled backstage as they laughed behind me.

Knocking on the door that Sebastian was holding closed. “You’re dead, Evans,” I said in a sing-song voice as I ran a finger down Sebastians’ cheek. Leaning forward I kissed him briefly before whispering in his ear. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nodding he let go of the handle of the door and wrapped an arm around my waist, guiding me down the hallway toward the exits.

“I guess the nice thing is we don’t have to hide anymore.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Let Evans sweat a bit more though, it should have been up to us to say anything. Though, the way we were going we may have never said anything before we were just caught by the paparazzi.”

“Ugh,” Sebastian sighed. “Does that mean we actually need to thank him? We’ll never live that one down. We can’t tell him that, Y/N.”

I shook my head and laughed loudly as we made it to the exit door.  “It’s our little secret. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“So next time I fall, will you catch me?” I asked as we walked outside together, my eyes searching his.

“I would definitely catch you like that, but I’ve already caught you as you fell in love with me, sweetheart, and now I’m never letting go. Ever.”

[thatfanficstuff]

The Replacement -Bucky (1)

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Warnings: Nightmares

Part 1 of 2

***

"Nice, Y/N," Steven Rogers exclaimed as you finished the round of punches onto the bag he was holding. "Great improvement. I can tell you've been practicing." He beamed like a proud parent and it made you chuckle. 

"Thanks, Cap. Once more?" you asked as you bounced on your feet.

"Absolutely." 

He braced himself and you started punching again. You were new to the team, well, a couple of months new anyway. You'd been recruited because you had the ability to pause time. Briefly. But the skill did you no good if the bad guy killed you before you could use it. So you were training. Steve worked with you on technique pretty much every day. Natasha worked with you on firearms and hand-to-hand. Clint helped. He'd originally tried to teach you archery but you were horrible at it. He vowed to try again when you'd built up your arm strength. Tony and Bruce were helping you hone your powers, trying to make them more effective. Everyone else lent a hand where and when they could. Or, more precisely, where Steve told them to.

You stepped back from the bag and wiped the back of your hand across your forehead.

"That's enough for today, Y/N/N. Great work." 

You nodded and grabbed your bottle of water to take a long swallow. "Thanks," you finally managed to get out as you lowered yourself to the floor by the wall. You needed to rest but you could stretch while you caught your breath. 

Steve sat next to you. "Everyone's really impressed with the progress you're making. I don't think it will be long before you're joining us on missions."

"Really?" The thought both terrified and excited you. But, you knew Steve wouldn't let you go unless he was absolutely certain you were ready. 

Before he could say anything in response, the gym door opened and Bucky walked in. He was wearing black workout gear and had his hair pulled back in a small ponytail. You felt a little tug at your heart as you always did when he was around. You had it bad and you knew it. You also didn't care. The man was gorgeous. It would be a crime not to appreciate it.

You smiled. "Hey, Buck."

He looked over in surprise obviously having missed the two of you sitting on the floor. He gave you a small smile and a little wave. "Hey, Y/N. Steve." He changed direction to come over to the two of you and sat cross legged on the mat in front of you. "Done training?"

You nodded. Bucky was a man of few words, but he said more to you than most of the other Avengers. Except Steve of course. Steve said it was because you were always in good spirits and Bucky needed that in his life. You had no idea if that was true or not, but you did your best to always make him feel comfortable around you. 

"Since you're both here, I should tell you that everyone else is taking off on you later today or in the morning," Steve said. "Bruce is going to some convention. Natasha and Clint have a SHIELD mission and the rest of us are heading to Austria to chase a lead."

"But, Steve..." Bucky started with wide eyes then trailed off. 

Steve gave a smile but the skin around his eyes was tight with worry. "It'll be okay, Buck. Y/N will be here. Communication will be open if you need to contact us. You're all right staying with Y/N, aren't you?"

Bucky's gaze darted between the two of you for a moment before his tongue darted out to moisten his dry lips. "Yeah. We'll be okay."

"Sure we will," you agreed with a bright smile.

***

You woke early, as was your habit. You stepped into your bunny slippers (yes, you had actual bunny slippers) and padded into the hallway. The heavenly aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. You followed your nose to the kitchen to find Bucky sitting at the small bar sipping his coffee. 

He glanced at you as your slippers slapped against the floor. "Plenty for you too, doll."

You ran your hand across his back as you passed behind him. "You are a saint, Barnes."

He snorted and coughed as he choked on his coffee. You patted him on the back until you were certain he was breathing again. "I'm pretty sure no one in my entire history has ever called me a saint before."

Walking over to the counter, you grabbed your favorite mug and filled it, inhaling the rich aroma before taking a careful sip. "Maybe you should make them coffee, Buck. Coffee fixes everything."

"I thought that was bacon?" he said, a teasing tone in his voice. You liked this Bucky. He was far more relaxed than normal. It had to be because everyone else was gone. 

"Mmm. Bacon." After setting your cup down, you wandered over to the fridge and peered inside. Eggs. Bacon. Cheese. What more did you need? You glanced back at him. "You eat yet?"

He shook his head. 

"Bacon it is," you said with a smile as you pulled out everything you needed to make breakfast for the two of you.

***

It had not taken long at all for you and Bucky to decide to take full advantage of the rest of the team being gone. Instead of training, you spent the day introducing Bucky to things he'd missed over the years. As long as it could be done from the comfort of the tower as neither of you felt like getting dressed beyond sweats and tees. 

And since Steve wasn't here to give you his disapproving frown, you ordered all the best junk food and had it delivered. You and Buck had subsequently spent the day sprawled around the theater room having Jarvis stream things and filling up on completely unhealthy snacks. When the pizza you ordered for dinner arrived, you moved to the living room to eat.

"All right, Buck. What do you want to watch now?"

He shrugged and took a bite of his pizza. "You pick, doll."

You grinned as an idea came to you. "Jarvis, play the Philadelphia Story, please."

"Excellent choice, Miss Y/L/N," Jarvis replied.

Bucky turned to you with wide eyes. "Like the Philadelphia Story?"

"Only one I know of," you said. "One of the best movies ever made."

"Have to say I agree with you there, doll." He shifted in excitement and you were glad you'd made the decision to watch something he would be familiar with.

***

You woke from a dream where Carey Grant was kissing Jimmy Stewart with a start. It took you a moment to realize you were still in the living room. You must have fallen asleep watching the movie. The TV was off and the lights were dimmed as you raised your head and glanced around trying to figure out what had wakened you. 

"No. Don't. Stop."

You glanced at the other end of the couch where Bucky had evidently fallen asleep as well. His head tossed and his brow furrowed as he whimpered. The sound tore at your heart. 

"No!" he suddenly yelled and kicked his foot out, hitting you in the leg. 

You hissed. That would bruise for sure. You hurried to shift your position as he continued to thrash and protest against whatever was happening in his dream. Deciding you didn't feel like a face full of metal fist, you wrapped your hands around his wrists and crossed his arms over his chest. 

You laid across the top of him, to keep his arms pinned. He still didn't wake. "Bucky! Wake up!" you called.

Nothing.

"James Buchanan Barnes, wake up!"

A twitch at the full name but otherwise he just thrashed interspersed with the occasional shout. 

How could you get him to wake without risking injury to him or you? Suddenly you got an idea. It was worth a shot. "Buck, it's me, Y/N. Please wake up. I need you."

He gasped as his eyes flew open. His eyes immediately found your face and your gazes locked. He panted beneath you as he struggled to recover from the nightmare and you studied his face to make certain he was okay. 

"Um...doll?" he said after a moment.

"Yeah, Buck?"

"Not that I mind, but why are you laying on me?"

It suddenly dawned on you how intimate this position actually was and you scrambled off him while your face burned in embarrassment. "Sorry. You were having a nightmare. I wanted to make sure neither of us got hurt while I woke you up."

Tension flowed from him and he nodded his head. "Good thinking. Thank you."

"It's not a problem, Bucky. We're friends. We look out for each other."

He sat up. His gaze locked with yours again, but you couldn't hold it long before your face heated again and you turned away. You cleared your throat and held out a hand. "Come on, Buck. We should get to bed."

He didn't say anything as he took your hand so you could help him to his feet and led him down the hall. Your room was first and you paused outside the door. "Night, Buck," you said with a smile in his direction. When you realized he wasn't letting go of your hand you tilted your head and looked at him in question.

He rubbed his metal hand across the back of his neck as he looked at the floor then back up at you. "Would you...I mean..." He huffed out a sigh. "I don't like being alone after I have the dreams. Steve usually stays with me. Would you mind?"

Ordinarily you would hesitate to share a bed with a man you had only known for a couple of months and weren't dating, but this was Bucky. And it was easy to tell his words were sincere. "Of course, Bucky. I don't like being alone in my room when the tower is mostly empty anyway. It's creepy." You didn't actually mind the solitude, but you hoped it might make Bucky feel better if he thought he wasn't the only one that needed someone. "Let me change into my pj's and I'll be in."

One side of his mouth curled up in a smile. "Thanks, doll." He hurried down the hall to his own room as you stepped into yours. 

You dug through the drawer where you kept your pajamas and settled on a pair of shorts with a matching tank. After brushing your hair and teeth, you made your way to Bucky's room, pillow in hand, and tapped on the door. 

The door opened a second later and he gestured for you to enter his room. He shut it behind you. "Hey, Y/N/N. I wasn't thinking earlier. If you want me to sleep on the floor or something..."

You held up a hand to stop him before he could go any further. "I trust you, Bucky."

You tossed back the blankets on the bed and threw your pillow on the opposite side. You crawled in and got settled before patting the empty space beside you. "Come on. I'm tired."

He nodded once and climbed into the bed, pulling the blankets over both of you. "Goodnight, doll. Goodnight Jarvis."

"Goodnight, sir," the AI responded and the lights went off as the click of the lock on the door was heard. You smiled at the fact Bucky's nighttime protocol was the same as yours. 

"Night, Buck." You laid in the dark for a long time, your back turned to Bucky as you stared at the inky wall across from you. It was evident he was trying hard not to move so he didn't disturb you. You bit your lip and gathered your nerve before flipping over. 

His head turned to you in the dark. "You okay? Did I bother you?"

You laughed. "Yes. Your complete lack of movement bothered me."

"Oh, sorry."

"It was a joke, Barnes. I'm going to try something. If it bothers you just say so, okay?"

"Okay?" he said sounding completely unsure.

You slid closer to him and settled against his side with your head on his shoulder. Your hand laid on his chest. You'd always been a cuddler. Bucky remained stiff for a moment longer then relaxed and curled around you. His flesh arm wrapped around you and his hand settled on your hip. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah. This is just fine, doll." It didn't take long for you both to fall into a peaceful sleep.

Tag List:  @evyiione @gabriellewritermua

[rhysie-cakes314]

Day 13- Inhuman

Summary:

“Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” - Marian Anderson When Steve proposes to Tony, some of the homophobic Captain America fans come out of the woodwork with a lot to say. People do dangerous things when they fear what they don't understand, and apparently two men in love is just too spooky for them.

“Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” - Marian Anderson

Steve Rogers often forgot that he wasn’t just a man. Captain America was a symbol of hope and patriotism, and the man behind the mask was often put on a pedestal. The average american who didn’t personally know him typically had their own distinct ideas about who Steve should be. Tony tried to make the man understand that, but he never wanted to listen.

“It doesn’t matter! They can think what they want but I know who I am, Tony, and I don’t care if people like it,” Steve shouted. The argument wasn’t a new one, and his patience was beginning to wear thin. He understands that Tony’s heart is in the right place, but the genius was not hearing his words. 

 Tony threw his hands up in frustration. “You’re Captain fucking America!” He ignored Steve’s muttered ‘language.’ “It doesn’t matter if you care about the public opinion, the public will make themselves heard anyway. When people decide they hate something you do, they don’t just say it, they riot. When they like what you do, they throw parades to celebrate.” He sighed, the anger draining out of him, leaving only weariness. “I wish I was wrong, you could cause a civil war just be saying the wrong thing, Steve. We can’t be public.” 

That was the crux of it all, wasn’t it? Steve wanted the world to know how important Tony was to him, but Tony kept blocking his attempts to talk about their relationship to the press. Everytime a question about his love life came up, he would open his mouth to answer only for Tony to divert their attention with one of his latest scandals. Reporters would shout loudly over each other for a chance to get the great Tony Stark’s comment on something controversial, and Steve’s responses would be dead on his lips. Tonight was going to be the end of it. Steve had made sure of his plan. It didn’t matter this time how much Tony tried to talk him out of it. The world would know about his feelings and his sexual orientation.

“It’s 2018. Nobody is going to riot because Captain America is gay.” Steve was done with this conversation. Tony’s attitude was spoiling his good mood. “I’m going to go for a run. Be ready to leave at seven.” He left the lab before Tony could say more. Pepper and the Avengers’ PR agent had set up the interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live! several months back. According to them, Kimmel wanted to talk to the two of them about being the Avengers’ leaders, and how their different leadership styles meshed during missions. When Steve had called Kimmel’s assistant with his idea last week, Jimmy himself had called him back to tell him it was a go.

“The audience will love it!” Kimmel exclaimed. “I’ll throw it into the middle of the interview, so there’s time for Mr. Stark’s reaction to play out whatever it is. When I tell him that you wrote the next question, that’ll be your cue. Oh, I’m so excited! My show is going to be talked about for weeks!”

Steve grinned into his phone. “I’m so thankful you’re allowing it Mr. Kimmel, I’m sorry to take away time from what you had planned.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! This is way better than anything my writers could come up with!” 

 Steve checked his hair in the mirror for the fifth time. He felt like a walking flag in his navy blue suit, with red tie and white shirt, but Pepper had brow beat him into wearing it. Tony was going to be wearing a gold tie with a deep red suit and shirt. Tony loved it, but Steve wished they didn’t have to be so obviously mimicking their uniforms. It made him feel like they weren’t allowed to be Steve and Tony, they were only allowed to be Captain America and Iron Man. He was reminded of his fear of being a dancing monkey that had began all the war back in WWII. 

The small black box in his pocket brought Steve back to the present. He patted the lump, taking a deep breath. He was not nervous. Tony was going to say yes. All Steve needed to do was ask. The question was really a formality; Steve and Tony had been promising each other eternity for awhile now. Tony wasn’t ashamed of being with Steve. They were only a secret because Tony thought the public couldn’t handle Steve being with a man. That was all.  The knock on the door forced him to give up on the internal pep talk.

“Steve! Happy is waiting!”

Steve opened the door where Tony was still knocking. He smiled down at his handsome boyfriend, stealing a kiss. The aroma of his aftershave burned Steve’s nostrils a little. He loved it all the same. No matter how hard Tony tried, he’d always have the slight smell of metal and oil clinging to him that Steve loved. “Let’s go, love.”

… 

Steve watched Tony answer another question and the rest of the room could’ve disappeared for all he cared. When the billionaire really got going in an interview, his real personality would begin to bleed through the cocky public persona. His easy going responses put even the most rowdy reporters at ease and he expertly steered conversation to topics he was comfortable with. Growing up in the spotlight had shaped him into the perfect interviewee that Steve, with his awkward shyness, could never hope to be. 

“... So sure, we disagree now and again, but it never puts a mission in jeopardy. Cap will always defer to me on aerial combat, and I’ll defer to him ground combat in the end,” Tony finished his answer, smiling over at Steve. Steve resisted the urge to lean over for a kiss right then. 

“The next question is directed at you Mr. Stark, and it was actually written by Captain America himself!” The applause erupted when Steve stood. Tony met his eyes, confused. 

‘What are you doing?’ he mouthed the words. Steve only gave him a nervous smile in response. 

As the applause died down, Steve realized he couldn’t back out of this now. He got down on one knee, ignoring the way the audience began screaming in excitement. Steve was focused only on Tony’s reactions. The brunette’s confused look slowly morphed into a scarily blank face, but Steve could see the fear in the man’s eyes mixed with anxious excitement. There was so much there in the brown eyes, and maybe this had been a horrible mistake. Steve held his breath as he pulled the little box out and opened it.

Tony’s heart had stopped. He was certain of it. What was Steve thinking!? He felt dizzy, and oh yeah, maybe he needed to breathe. He took in a shaky breath. He couldn’t even tell anymore if he was ecstatic or terrified. Of course he had wanted this, more than anyone could imagine, but Steve was not thinking this through. The right wing news was going to tear them to shreds tomorrow. A hush fell over the audience, and Tony could feel the people leaning forward on their seats in anticipation, but his own gaze was locked onto the kneeling blond. 

“Anthony Edward Stark, will you marry me?” 

Tony forgot his own very valid fears when the words hit him. Steve wanted to marry him! How many times had he dreamed about this very moment? The fact that they were on live television faded away and Tony needed to keep breathing. Steve’s face was so hopeful and nervous, and that made Tony want to burst out laughing. Did the man honestly think Tony could ever say no to him? He cleared his throat. “Yes,” it came out as a whisper. “Yes,” he said louder this time. “Of course, you idiot, now get up here.”

Tony pulled the stupidly grinning Steve off his knees and into a kiss. The audience went wild and their host was saying something about happy couples and a commercial break, but all the two men cared about was each other. Tony swore he could feel Steve’s heartbeat thrumming through him. Steve smiled against his lips, trying to pull back, but Tony clutched the man’s jacket tight. Steve would not escape him that easily.

Kimmel clearing his throat startled them both back to reality. Steve blushed a deep scarlet that matched his tie, and Tony smirked at how swollen his lips looked. “While I understand the sentiment, gentleman, we’ll be back live in a two minutes. So maybe the ring shouldn’t be on the floor?” He pointed to the forgotten black box Steve had dropped. 

Steve snatched the box back up, slipping the ring onto Tony’s finger. When they were back in their seats, much closer together on the couch now, Tony actually looked at the ring for the first time. It was a simple silver ring with a blue stone the colour of Steve’s eyes. On close inspection, the band itself had an intricate design carved into it that made reminded Tony of a circuit board. It was too perfect, and Tony was grinning at it like a smitten schoolgirl when the band and applause indicated the end of the adbreak. 

“So, Mr. Stark, show the cameras your beautiful ring!” Tony held up his hand as the camera zoomed in, wiggling his fingers excitedly. “It really is something, isn’t it? Captain Rogers, where did you get it?”

Steve squeezed Tony’s other hand in his lap. “I, uh, well, I got the stone from an antique store, but I made it.” Tony gaped at his fiancé. When had the man found time?

“Oh, wow!” Kimmel leaned back in his chair in clear surprise. “I don’t believe I knew you could make jewelry. Is this something you’ve done a lot?”

Steve chuckled. His elation had rid him of all his usual shyness. Tony had said yes! “It’s my first attempt at jewelry, I’ll admit. I’m not very into metalworking, Tony being the metal expert I leave it to him, but I did go to art school before I enlisted. I know a thing or two about design and aesthetic.” 

“That’s right! I forgot about the art school. I’m a bit rusty on my 1940s Steve Rogers trivia, I’ll admit. I did go to your exhibit at the museum once, though.”

The rest of the interview went by in a blur for the two of them. Tony wanted nothing more than to get Steve out of those clothes so he could show him how much he really appreciated the proposal. While he wasn’t necessarily against jumping the man on TV, public indecency was frowned upon and whatnot. When they got home, Tony couldn’t even strip immediately like he wanted, because the Avengers were waiting with a banner and surprise party. Tony and Steve grinned their way through the congratulations, making sure they spent a proper amount of time enjoying the party, but they both just wanted to be alone.

“Finally!” Tony growled after he slammed their door shut. Steve had no complaints with the fervor, only helped Tony to strip them both down as quickly as possible. “I can’t believe you did that on television,” Tony’s voice was husky with arousal. Steve allowed him to hold him down on the bed, just watching the smaller man kiss a line down his front before gasping in surprise when Tony nipped the inside of his thigh. “You’re insane.”

Steve huffed. He was too distracted by the sensation of Tony’s hands on him to think clearly. “You don’t seem to be complaining,” he replied dizzily. Tony teased at his tip with his tongue, and Steve hissed. His hips bucked before he could stop them, but Tony smirked up at him, victorious. He had Steve at his mercy in five minutes tops every time. 

“Oh I’m not complaining,” he murmured, crawling back up to silence Steve’s moan with his own mouth as he wrapped a hand around Steve’s penis. He gave a lazy stroke, impressed with how quickly Steve could be so hard. He began sucking at Steve’s neck, pulling his hand away to scratch ten red lines up Steve’s abs and chest. The air hitting the raw skin was a perfect contrast to the moist warmth of Tony’s mouth on Steve’s neck. Tony pulled back to look down at Steve from above. His pupils were blown wide and Steve thought he had never looked more beautiful. “You are insane, though,” Tony’s voice was strained, his own erection untouched so far. “You’re not going to be able to leave the tower for weeks without being harassed by reporters.” 

Steve ignored Tony’s hand this time when he tried to block Steve from grabbing him. He felt Tony twitch eagerly in his grasp as he watched Tony throw his head back with a moan. Tony’s sounds were always the best part for Steve. The man could make the most obscene noises, and it was the only time Steve could make him fumble his words. Steve reached into the drawer beside him, pulling out the lube. “I really don’t care,” Steve responded before sticking a slicked finger inside his new fiancé. He grinned when Tony whined and pushed down onto the finger, already begging for more. 

… 

Tony had been predictably correct. The next morning, every news station across TV and radio was talking about Captain America’s engagement to Iron Man. Steve decided his morning run was not worth it when he saw the crowd waiting right outside the tower. He decided to ignore Tony’s ‘I told you so’ smug face when he returned from the lobby and headed to the gym to use the treadmill. Tony was still in the kitchen watching another news channel an hour later.

Steve walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around Tony, who leaned back for a kiss. “How was your run?” he smirked up at Steve.

Steve merely returned the smirk. “Still worth it,” he kissed Tony again, savoring the coffee taste. Tony returned to the news on the tablet in front of him, holding out his empty mug towards Steve. Steve shook his head fondly as he refilled the coffee before moving to make his second breakfast. “Have you eaten anything today?” he called behind his shoulder.

Tony only hummed in response, too focused on whatever the reporter was saying in front of him to actually listen to what Steve had asked. Steve couldn’t hear anything, so the captions must be on. He gave up and decided to make Tony some food anyway, since he likely hadn’t had anything besides coffee. If he didn’t eat it, Clint certainly always would, so it’d hardly go to waste. Tony let out a frustrated growl behind him. “Tony,” he sighed. “Why don’t you just ignore them? That’s what you normally do.”

“It’s different.” He finished his coffee and set it on the counter a little too hard. “I’m used to the things they say about me, but now they’re saying horrible things about you! Well, mostly me still and how I must have duped you or am a bad influence but still! Fox is saying you’ve betrayed you values,” he looked to see why Steve had stopped making cooking noises. The blond looked much angrier than Tony was expecting. He had seem so unperturbed by it all only a moment ago.

“They said that you duped me?” Steve’s voice was low and dangerous. “That you influence me negatively!?” It rose to a near shout. Tony flinched instinctively, not used to Steve’s actually angry voice in the close quarters of the small kitchen. Steve lowered his voice again, annoyed that he had made Tony flinch. “JARVIS, call Anne and have her come over today if she can.”

“Right on it, Captain Rogers.” 

Tony gaped at the man, lost. “Why are you talking to PR? I thought the plan was to ignore them until they moved onto the next big story?” He watched Steve war with himself, his face twitching with conflicting emotions. He moved forward, turned off the stovetop before Steve burned his food, and grabbed Steve’s hands from underneath his crossed arms. Steve watched their hands for a moment, before meeting Tony’s eyes. “What is bothering you?” 

Steve closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and when he reopened them he looked much calmer. “Yes, you’re right. JARVIS, can you cancel that?”

“Of course.”

“It’s just the idea that I’m somehow better than you I guess. Like why not ask if I was the one who duped you?” Steve looked so sad and confused, Tony felt so heartless for the laugh that slipped past his lips unwanted. Steve pulled his hands away, irritated.

“Wait, no, sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh,” Tony started. Steve had turned back to cooking, though, and wasn’t looking at Tony. “Steve, please.”

Steve kept cooking. “Go on Tony,” he said tiredly.

“It’s just, the idea of you duping me was really funny to me, I didn’t mean to actually laugh.”

“But the idea of me duping you is fine?” He asked.

Tony felt like he had walked into some sort of trap. That there was a wrong answer here. Maybe he should work around the question rather than answering directly. “Well if one of us were better than the other, you’re clearly the better one.” That was the wrong answer. All of Steve’s movements became sharp and harsh, slamming plates down and dumping food on them messily before throwing utensils in the sink. The clamour seemed to solidify that Tony had fucked up. 

Steve sat down at the counter, so Tony took his own seat warily. They ate in tense silence for several long minutes before Steve looked up at him again. He looked sad instead of angry. “You believe that don’t you?” Tony ran through the conversation again, not sure what was being asked. “That I’m better than you. That you duped me.” The questions had become statements. 

Tony felt like an idiot for not realizing what was bothering the man earlier. Of course it was because he thought they were equals. Tony and the rest of the world knew that Steve was a better person, but Steve had come to believe that Tony was as good as himself. Tony wasn’t complaining, but he knew it wasn’t true. “I’m sorry,” he spoke sincerely. He couldn’t lie and tell Steve that he was wrong, but he could apologize for it.

Steve took Tony’s hand. “I know you are.” He kissed Tony on the forehead. “I love you so much, and I will make you believe that you deserve me someday.” Tony threw him a lopsided smile. He would love that to happen. 

… 

By the time the Stark Industries Halloween Gala rolled around a few months later, the stories about Steve and Tony had died down. Here and there a piece would show up offering someone’s opinion on the matter, but everyone had moved onto more important things for the most part. Like what the two engaged superheroes would be wearing to the Gala.

“I really think you could pull off a dress, shellhead,” Clint said at dinner that night. Thor had brought a tabloid magazine to the table with an article speculating about their attire. “Then maybe the conservatives will be a little happier about Steve’s gayness if you’re the feminine one.” The rest of the Avengers had found the whole debacle immensely amusing. Clint especially loved to poke fun at the stories where Tony was an evil seducer that turned Captain America gay. 

Tony pretended to think about it. “I suppose I could really piss them all off by shaving and wearing a wig. Though that may offend the drag or trans communities. I’ve always wanted to get into drag, though. Imagine me, a drag queen. Iron maiden, I could be a dominatrix-esque drag queen!”

“Oh, I would love to help you come up with routines!” Thor enthused. It may or may not actually be one of Tony’s secret dreams, but he knew he’d never be able to get into it without a media shit-storm claiming he was trying to poke fun or was a bigot. Really, he wasn’t sure where the idea had come about that Tony would be conservative or right-wing was beyond him. His dad may have been a capitalist douche bag, but even Howard had thought being anti-LGBTQ+ was just plain stupid. Like who cares what people do in their private lives? If it’s not hurting anyone… 

“I never realized how much I wanted to see you in drag,” Natasha commented, eyeing him intensely. “And I see Steve is on the same page,” she glanced over at the blushing man, only causing his blush to deepen. 

Tony spit out his drink. “Wait, Steve, is it true?” He turned to look at his fiancé excitedly. 

“I, well, I, uhm,” he spluttered. “I would want you to keep the goatee!” he blurted out. Tony could not have found a more adorable man to marry. He pulled Steve in for a kiss, that quickly turned a bit too sexually charged for the dinner table. 

“Ugh, God, get a room!” Clint flung some peas at Tony. 

Tony ignored the projectiles, but pulled away nonetheless. “I can dress in drag for you,” he whispered in Steve’s ear before going back to his dinner as though nothing had happened. Steve might just pass out from how red he was getting. Tony tried to keep his expression innocent, only grinning in victory inside his head.

“Well, I have come up with a few outfit pairs for you, if you’d like,” Coulson spoke, dry as always, so Tony couldn’t tell if he was serious. The way Clint whipped around in surprise told him that Coulson wasn’t joking. “I worked on it with Darcy,” he said with a shrug as though that explained anything at all. 

Steve couldn’t deny that he was curious. “I’d love to see them,” he told Coulson, happy to change the subject from Tony in drag. Not even he had known he wanted that until the picture had popped into his head. “The Gala is masquerade though, right?” Steve turned to look at Tony.

Tony nodded. “Yeah, although most people only have their masks on in the beginning for pictures.” He scrunched up his nose. “They get weirdly sweaty.” 

“I’m adding you to our google doc, Cap,” Phil said while he typed on his phone. 

“Do I have to go?” Bruce asked from the other end of the table? “I know we were all invited, but I hate these things.”

Tony frowned at his best friend. “Well I can hardly force you, but it’d look better if the Avengers all showed up so the press doesn’t come up with some stupid theory like that we’re not getting along or something. Knowing them they might decide you hate that Steve and I are together. I’ve seen some hilarious fan theories that you’re jealous because you and me were meant to be,” Tony snorted.

Bruce’s cheeks turned pink. “You and me? You’re not really my type.” 

“I know, right!?” Tony was still laughing hysterically. “So you’ll come?” 

Bruce nodded in defeat, “If it’ll keep them from theorizing.”

“Oh I’m sure it won’t,” Phil said.

… 

They ended up on tuxes with each other’s usual colour schemes. Tony wore a light blue vest, with matching pinstripes on his pants. The tux jacket and bowtie were black with a blue shimmer that you could see only when the light hit it right. He thought it looked perfect with his engagement ring, and he used one of those blue tinted mascaras to accentuate his naturally long lashes. Now that he knew Steve had a thing for it, he finally had an excuse to start exploring some of the more feminine parts of vanity he’d always wanted to, but he’d start slow. There was the public to consider, of course.

Steve wore a maroon vest with a black tux, and his bow tie matched the vest. The best part, in Tony’s opinion, was the gold glittery shimmer that was over the whole tux set. Tony wasn’t sure how his designer friend, Janet Van Dyne, had done it, but it looked like someone had very lightly sprayed the whole thing with gold glitter spray paint. Steve’s mask was an arc-reactor blue, as he called it, feathered along one side with gold feathers. Tony’s was a phantom of the opera half face style white, with a red and blue gradient of tiny, sparkly stars along the outer edge. Together they looked simultaneously gorgeous and ridiculous. 

“How did I get such a handsome fiancé?” Steve asked in wonder as they headed out for the limo, already assaulted by paparazzi. The security detail for the Avengers was being handled by SHIELD and SI together given the amount of super-powered enemies they had all acquired over the years. Tony had the bracelets to call the suit if needed, Steve had the shield waiting at the gala in a closet, Clint had his foldable bow with arrows stored next to Steve’s shield, Thor was always able to call Mjolnir, and Phil and Natasha were strapped with handguns and knives.

Tony grinned, waving at a couple of photographers happily. “By being a sweet, sensitive artist who throws a disc at nazis and aliens,” he answered without missing a beat. Steve’s resulting laugh sounded musical to his ears. He felt like he was walking on air tonight. This was their first formal public event since the engagement, and though they’d of course gone on dates and missions together since, he felt like this was his first real opportunity to show off his fiancé. There was a slightly bitter thought in the back of his mind that he’d like to see Howard’s stupid face when he found out his beloved perfect Steve was marrying his failure son Tony, but he easily pushed it away. Steve was going to marry him, had announced it publicly, his life was perfect. 

When they arrived and stepped out of the limo, there were not only photographers, but reporters too. They stopped off to one side to answer a few questions before they got in. 

“Captain America, what do you say to the family values activists who say you’ve gone over to the dark side and should be stripped of your title?” A woman from the back shouted.

Steve took it in stride. Tony had been practicing with him for months, so he’d be prepared for far worse questions than this. “I say that I am sorry they are so frightened by what they don’t understand. Just because a man loving another man is different than their own love lives does not make their idea of a family more valid than LGBTQ+ families, and their self-appointed cause of family values is a misguided bigotry.”

Tony was so proud. “Do you honestly think they’re afraid of gays or is it maybe that they just hate them?” A man nearby asked. Tony leaned over to whisper in Steve’s ear that it was Ian Gerund, a reporter for Out Magazine. 

Steve looked the man in the eyes the whole time he responded, which obviously made the man a little uncomfortable. Reporters were not used to such directness with their shouted questions, as Tony had warned him. “I do honestly think that. I also think there is some genuine hate out there. Hate often stems from fear, though, and as Marian Anderson, one of my favourite singers said, ‘Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.’ Our only hope is to continue to meet hate and fear with love and acceptance, but defend ourselves when attacked.”The reporters nearby had clearly not been prepared for such well thought out responses, and there was a small wave of confusion. 

“Mr. Stark! Are you really ready to be sexually exclusive with one person ‘til death do you part?” 

Steve couldn’t help the painful tightening of his hand around Tony’s. The questions directed at them were so different and obviously judgmental about the two of them and it pissed him off. Everyone was prepared for Steve to be an innocent backwards old man and for Tony to be a promiscuous conniving bastard. Tony, on the other hand, was used to it. He shot the offending reporter a wicked grin. “Oh, Steve is plenty sexually fulfilling to me, sweet-cheeks. Sorry you missed out on your opportunity,” he finished with a wink. Steve thought that was a perfect time to leave.

“Sorry folks, we have people to see and dances to dance,” Steve said, strained. He tugged on Tony’s hand, but the man had no qualms about following anyway. He hated talking to reporters as much as Steve did. He just hid it better. 

“You did so well, babe.” He pulled Steve’s hands to his lips, kissing the knuckles. “Proud of you.”

Steve smiled at him, but his eyes were a little pinched. “Yeah, thanks for the practice.”

“I know, love. They’ll eventually stop treating you like that. It’s just hard for some people to recognize that not everyone in the 40s was straight and hated gays,” Tony spoke quietly, misunderstanding the reason for the distress.

Steve kissed him, which conveniently gave him the excuse to be right at Tony’s eye level as he said, “I could care less how they treat me. It’s how they treat you like an amoral, selfish party-boy who is going to cheat on me first chance he gets.” 

“That’s because I was for a long time,” Tony reminded him. Steve didn’t have a chance to respond before the greetings and small talk of the night began. 

“Mr. Stark! Captain Rogers! So good to see you.” Steve didn’t recognize the man, though Tony seemed to. Sometimes it seemed to Steve that Tony knew everyone in New York, though. “It really is a lovely event.”

“Lieutenant Germaine, thank you for coming. I don’t believe you two have actually met, this is Captain Steve Rogers, my fiancé,” he used the title feeling giddy. “Steve, this is Lt. Frances Germaine. We met while I was working on the Stylus project, right?”

Lt. Germaine nodded. “You were showing us your new remote controls for a drone that allowed more precise aim and birdseye view so there’d be less accidental civilian casualties,” he reminded Tony. 

“Ah yes, hope that worked out,” Tony remarked. “It was a little before Afghanistan when I was still designing while wasted so,” he shrugged with his most self-deprecating smile. 

Steve frowned at Tony, but Germaine gave a knowing chuckle. “It saved numerous lives from unnecessary accidents, I assure you,” he placed a comforting hand on the genius’ shoulder. “You really weren’t the devil people made you out to be, y’know. The wake up call about SI accountability and double-dealing was important, but you should cut yourself some slack. Even as a kid you were doing good work.”

Tony gave a strained smile. “Thanks, Lieutenant. I hope you enjoy the party.” 

The man caught on to the dismissal. “Nice to meet you, Captain.” They shook hands and he departed. Tony snagged a three drinks off a roaming tray and handed one to Steve. He drained one, placing it back on the tray, and kept the other.

Before Steve could comment on the conversation that had just happened, he heard the familiar gleeful squeal of Janet. “Oh, boys, you look fabulous! Give me a little spin,” she motioned. They obeyed, laughing. “Yes! Perfect! The coattails had me worried there for you Cap, your proportions are wonky. Didn’t want them to look too short. Oh! Tony, darling, I haven’t seen the ring in person, gimme,” she held out her hand expectantly.

Tony was laughing and enjoying himself again, previous conversation with the Lieutenant long forgotten. He handed the ring over and the two started gushing about Steve’s taste. Steve was still thinking about the previous conversation, so he was a little startled when the two of them were looking at him expectantly. “Huh? What?”

Janet burst out laughing. “I asked you how long it took you to make the ring?” 

Steve blushed, embarrassed. “Oh, only like a week after I found the right stone.”

“So how long before that have you been planning to ask me?” Tony asked, hand on his hip. He only got even sassier around Janet. The two together could be a nightmare sometimes. When Tony, Janet, and Clint were all three in a room, one’s only hope was to flee before you got caught in their whirlwind. 

“Two years?” Steve answered hesitantly.

“That was before we had even started dating!!!” Tony exclaimed. 

Steve scratched at the back of his head, not having a good response for this. He had kind of been hoping it would never cross Tony’s mind to ask. “Yeah, I may have been in love with you and overly optimistic for a long time before we confessed to each other,” he attempted to explain.

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” Janet remarked. Tony just looked at him with wide eyes, feeling like he was falling in love with Steve all over again. This man was far better than he could have ever dreamed. 

“I’m so sorry, Janet, your outfits are lovely and we need to get together soon and catch up,” Tony started without looking away from Steve, “but I need to take this man to the dancefloor, now.” 

“Of course, I understand,” Janet responded too seriously. “Get on with it!” She faux whispered to Steve while he was led away by Tony.

They danced to a song Steve didn’t recognize, but it hardly mattered. He only had eyes for Tony and followed the man’s lead. Tony had been taught to dance when he was three and it more than made up for Steve’s two left feet. Tony finished his drink so he could use two hands again, placing it on the passing waiter’s tray. He frowned at Steve’s untouched drink before snatching it, draining it, and also placing it on said waiter’s tray. The waiter scowled before he walked away. Had that been the same one as before?

“You’ve had three drinks already and this is only our first dance,” Steve remarked lightly. He wasn’t worried. Tony hadn’t gotten too drunk since they’d gotten engaged. The genius seemed to only get past buzzed when he was upset or depressed. 

Tony waved him off. “Three drinks is nothing for me, you know that,” he smiled brightly. He wasn’t wrong. Tony often didn’t feel anything until the fifth drink depending on the strength, and these were just glasses of champagne. He typically drank straight liquor. “I wish they’d play something slower,” he said casually, pulling Steve into him.

It was like it was planned, and maybe it was, Steve thought. This was a SI organized party afterall. The music shifted to a slow song, and it took Steve a until the vocals to realize it was. “Is this-?” he felt at a loss for words. He had never mentioned his love for Marian Anderson before. 

Tony’s lips quirked sideways, a cross between a smile and a nervous squint. “Solitude, or The Jewish Girl’s Song as performed by Marian Anderson? Yes.”

Steve felt his eyes well up with tears. “How did you know?” He asked softly. Tony was up against him, head resting against Steve’s chest as they slowly danced to the movement of Marian’s voice. The orchestral part didn’t move much, so it made more sense to set one’s movements to the woman’s emotional performance. Tony waited until the song finished to answer Steve’s question. Steve vaguely realized that the rest of the large ballroom was full of people confused by the sudden change in language and style, but it didn’t matter. They’d get over it when the regular modern music returned.

“Well, I may have been playing different artists in the background when you’re around and gauging your reactions with JARVIS’ help. We eventually narrowed down your best unconscious smiles to music that style-wise and time period led to Marian Anderson, so I figured she must be one of your faves, and then you quoted her outside and I’m so glad I wasn’t wrong, because sometimes it’s hard to figure out what you liked from your old life and-” the man was rambling nervously, and they both knew it. 

Steve placed a finger to his lips, silencing the man. “Everytime I think you’re done surprising me,” he murmured. “You blow away my expectations again.” 

Tony absolutely beamed at him. It had been a very long and difficult project, trying to figure out some of Steve’s interests. The man was so easygoing and not picky sometimes that it was impossible to tell what he actually liked and what he just didn’t mind. Tony wished Steve was a little more outspoken, but he also appreciated the little mysteries he had to work to solve about Steve. It kept the man interesting. His next project was trying to figure out the supersoldier’s favourite painters and art styles for a wedding portrait, but that was still a secret. “I’m so glad you like it. I bought the film for the original recording of her performance at the Lincoln Memorial,” Tony was actually blushing a little. He very rarely blushed. His olive italian complexion made it harder to show than Steve’s pale irish white, but he also didn’t have much shame anyway. 

Steve gasped in surprise, pulling Tony into him and holding on tight for a moment. The mention thrust him back to 1939 when the historic performance had been the talk of the nation. Marian had been such a big deal, paving the way for African American singers, and she got to sing at the Lincoln Memorial. Steve’s mother had followed the woman’s career closely, always reminding Steve that until the blacks were treated right, the immigrants had no hope. She had died only months before the Lincoln Memorial performance. “Thank you,” he whispered.

The rest of the night seemed to be going by in the background. Steve just followed his partner’s lead, making small talk here and there, dancing, clapping, showing off their relationship, etc. Something at the back of his mind was bothering him, but he couldn’t quite place it, so he pushed it aside and focused on Tony. The billionaire was in his element, as much as he was loathe to admit it. Tony Stark was a socialite as well as a shut-in engineer. Tony liked to convince himself that the rich celebrity persona was all a facade, and a lot of it was, but Steve could tell that the man also felt at home at these events sometimes. Now if the world worked Tony’s way, there’d only be one or two events a year, but if all of them suddenly disappeared, Steve thought Tony would probably miss it more than he expected.

It was when Tony placed his sixth empty champagne glass on a tray behind him that Steve realized what was bothering him. Out of the thirty or so roaming servers in the room, the same one always seemed to gravitate towards them. Tony had only come in contact with the one waiter, though he probably didn’t notice at all. At first, it could’ve been explained away by the staff having assigned areas of the room. By now, though, Steve and Tony had been all over the large hall, Tony being one of the main draws of the event. They had to talk to all the big SI contributors.

Tony’s energy had been flagging over the last hour. He had gone from looking excited and flamboyant to looking tired and withdrawn. Steve caught him wiping a sweaty brow a few times, but until now, had only assumed it was due to the running around in a tux in a fairly hot room. No one else seemed to be sweating though. “Hey, wait up!” Steve called out, jogging after the man until he caught up with the waiter. Tony watched him go in confusion, but stayed where he was, not wanting to seem rude while he was still trapped in conversation with one of the major shareholders in his company. 

The waiter turned to face Steve, mild surprise on his face. He looked so nondescript. An average height white male, light brown hair, probably middle aged. It was a wonder Steve had recognized him as familiar at all. That was one of Phil’s assets as a SHIELD agent, looking nondescript. Steve idly wondered if being around nondescript agents enough to get to know them helped him be better at picking up on nuances within the average appearance. The man smiled politely. “May I help you with something, Captain Rogers?”

Steve watched his expressions carefully. If there was anything suspicious about the man, he was good at hiding it. “Have you been following us?” he asked right out.

The waiter’s face showed a split-second of surprise before returning to the polite smile. Steve probably wouldn’t have caught it if it weren’t for Natasha’s training in microexpressions. “I’m sorry?” he pretended to be confused. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Steve didn’t know what set off his alarm bells, but he was sure enough of himself to be okay with making a scene. He snatched the tray from the man’s hands and placed it on a nearby table. People close by started watching the strange exchange. Steve then grabbed the man’s arm and twisted it painfully behind his back. “Don’t play stupid.” He hissed into the man’s ear.

A hysterical giggle tumbled from the waiter’s lips. “Your observational skills are as impressive as I expected,” the man responded smugly. “I only worry it took you too long.” He didn’t sound worried at all. Steve decided then and there that he hated the smug bastard. 

Slamming the man onto the same nearby table where he hat set the tray, Steve sent several glasses flying off the table or rolling and smashing loudly on the ground. A woman somewhere screamed. “What did you do?” he demanded.

“Steve! What are you doing!?” Tony was marching towards them with two guards.

Steve took a steadying breath through his nose. “This man did something, Tony, I just don’t know what,” Steve grit out angrily. The man smirked at Steve. He was asking to get his nose broken.

Tony just looked more confused and irritated. “What are you talking about? Let the man go, Steve.” Tony placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s going on, but if this guy did do something, let security handle it.” 

Steve looked back and forth between the smug bastard and his love, ignoring the awkward silence that had descended on the party while the drama unfolded. Tony was right, he didn’t know what had gotten into him. He stood, pushing the waiter towards one of the guards, who caught the stumbling man easily and pinned his arms behind his back. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” he murmured, head down. He had almost certainly ruined the party, and had definitely embarrassed Tony in front of the business world. 

When Tony didn’t respond, he raised his head so he could see the man’s expression. He was beginning to look very pale, and a bead of sweat ran down the un-masked side of his face. It seemed like a weird time for Steve to notice that they had never removed their masks like Tony said he normally did, but Steve’s mind was all over the place. He stepped towards the man, “Tony?” 

“It’s about time it kicked in,” the smug asshole called out, and Tony turned slowly towards him, looking shocked and confused. 

“Wha?” Tony stepped towards him but stumbled, and Steve had to lunge to catch him. 

“Tony!”

Everyone was watching the scene unfold. Tony was in his arms looking dazed, breathing too quickly. Steve looked back at the asshole, and when they met eyes the man spoke again. “He was the problem, see? Now you can be Captain America again, unsoiled!” There was a mad glint to the man’s eyes. The guard holding him began dragging him away so they could question him in private. Pepper was approaching from the other direction with medics on either side of her.

Steve looked down again, terror beginning to take its icy hold on his heart. “Tony? Sweetheart?”

Tony looked up at him, scared himself. “Steve? I-” he shuddered in Steve’s arms. “I don’t feel well.” 

“It’s going to be okay,” he tried to sound convincing as he laid the man on the ground for the medics to take over and examine. He stayed as close as he could so Tony could still see him. It was clear that panic was starting to take over for Tony though, and he reached out for Steve. His chest was heaving visibly. 

Steve grabbed one of the glasses he knew Tony had drank from, more thankful than he’d ever been for his eidetic memory. “Whatever it is, it’ll be on this,” he showed the medic who wasn’t currently taking Tony’s pulse.

“Good, bring it with you,” the medic commanded. “We gotta go, now.”

Another two had arrived with a stretcher and they were lifting Tony onto it. Steve followed beside them, holding Tony’s outstretched hand. Tony looked like he was about to say something, but instead cried out in pain and clutched at his abdomen. His breathing remained labored all the way to the helicopter, where it stopped altogether. Steve was gently pushed into a seat while they started manually inflating Tony’s lungs, and Steve’s world was spinning. Tony  was writhing in pain, still semi-conscious and all Steve could do was watch helplessly. When they landed at the hospital, Steve tried to stand and follow, but his knees locked in place and he was so dizzy. 

A nurse was there at his side, and when had he laid down on the ground. “Hey, you’re okay, it’s just emotional shock. Let’s get you a blanket and some water, okay?” The man in scrubs said. Steve nodded, allowing the man to help him into shaky legs. 

“Tony?” he asked, hoping the guy new what he meant. 

Thankfully, he did. “You fiancé is being taken care of right now. Thankfully, we were able to determine the poison pretty quickly with his symptoms and the residue on the glass. We’re starting him on chelation. As long as he holds out a little longer, he’ll make a full recovery.”

As long as he holds out is what stuck in Steve’s mind. So there was still a chance Tony could die. “I need to be there,” he ground out, lurching forward from the chair he had been sat in. 

“Hey,” the nurse caught his arm. “Okay, okay, let me take you there.” 

Steve let him lead the way, and they were to Tony’s bed where an IV was still being put in his arm, and the man was already intubated. Steve collapsed unceremoniously into the seat beside Tony opposite to the side the nurse was on, grabbing Tony’s hand. He squeezed just tight enough to let Tony know he was there, that Tony had to pull through. The words he had spoken earlier that night were running through his head on repeat and he felt sick. Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman. 

How could someone do something like this to someone like Tony? All in the name of  him being Captain America, ‘unsoiled’? The idea of Steve being with another man was so frightful to someone that they’d poison Iron Man just to stop it? It was completely illogical and  crazy, but that was the point. Steve was terrified in this very moment, and it was coupled with a rage and illogical desire to beat the waiter to death. Such violence wouldn’t help Tony survive, and it would do zero good for the world, but the idea of it alone helped assuage some of Steve’s fear. Fear could truly turn the gentlest of men to inhumane acts. It shouldn’t have been such a surprise to Steve, he had already seen it played out in the war, but the shock of it was real everytime he faced that reality. Tony would be okay, he had to be, but Steve would be haunted by this forever.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Happy Ending

One-Shot from the “My Eyes” Universe.

Spoiler-y (and confusing) if you haven’t read the series.

My Eyes Masterlist

Request: @prettyyoungtragedy

Prompt: Frankie’s school D.C. trip makes a stop at the Smithsonian.  

Pairing: Dad!Bucky & Frankie; Dad!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Words Count: 2,796

Frankie looked at the airplanes in awe. She wondered what the thrill would be like to fly in some of the old models, completely exposed and feeling the wind in her hair. She’d convinced Sam and Rhodey to teach her a few things at the compound. But they wouldn’t let her take anything off the ground yet.

Suddenly Frankie’s enhanced hearing caught whispering. The hair on the back of her neck stood up as she recognized immediately that she was the subject of it.

“Do you think she knows it’s here?”

“Has she seen it yet?”

“I wonder if it’s even true…”

“It’s the Smithsonian, you fucking idiots. Do you even know how much research goes into these exhibits?”

Frankie smirked as her best friend snapped at the other teenagers. She turned around just as the group of people were scurrying away and her friend, Taylor, came walking toward her. She was the complete opposite of Frankie: girly, short, and a little quiet, but feisty when she needed to be. She was a cheerleader and a rule follower too. But somehow the two of them just understood each other.

Frankie had gone from a cute child to a beautiful young woman. The super-soldier serum affected her similarly to how it did with Jimmy. She’d finally stopped growing once she hit 5’ll. She was strong, much stronger than she looked. Her mom always said she had the body of a ballerina. “Graceful and beautiful, but you don’t realize how powerful they are until you see them move.” Y/N had always told Frankie that when she complained about being taller than most of the boys in high school.

Frankie dressed not too differently than her father, always wearing dark colors and jeans. But she’d copied Jimmy’s style of grungy, band t-shirts and combat boots. And Frankie was rarely without her leather moto jacket. Despite her tomboy attire, she always kept her hair long. It was permanently wavy and windblown, like she just finished a photoshoot.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” Frankie sighed as she continued looking at the planes.

“They were being rude.” Taylor snapped.

“People forget who I’m related to… and the moment they get even slightly reminded of it, they freak out. I’m used to it.” Frankie shrugged.

Unlike her older brother, she was one of the popular kids. She didn’t have a clique; just her best friends and a charming personality. Frankie didn’t want the attention. She just existed and had an air around her that seemed to attract her peers.

“Did you know it was here?” Taylor asked gently.

Frankie’s brow furrowed and she finally looked away from the planes to fully address her friend. “Mom mentioned there was a museum once. But I never knew what one. It slipped my mind until I saw the signs outside when we walked in.”

Taylor’s expression softened. “Do you want me to go with you?”

Frankie nodded.

Together, they slowly made their way to the Captain America exhibit.

Luckily, most of the other kids from their school had rushed there first. Therefore it wasn’t crowded and Frankie didn’t have to worry about people watching her every reaction.

“The Living Legend and Symbol of Courage” was the quote as they entered.

A sad smile crept on Frankie’s lips as she was met with a giant mural of Steve Rogers.

“I’ll never get over how much your brother looks like him…” Taylor muttered lowly.

Frankie hummed in agreement.

The first sign of her father was in old footage playing on various screens. It was black & white, the film distressed and jumpy. He looked younger and… different. His hair was short and slicked back. His eyes seemed brighter and happier. He was smaller too; still muscular for the time, but nothing like he was after the serum.

Then Frankie turned around and let out a breath at the sight before her.

“A Fallen Comrade” with a giant etching of her father.

Frankie and Taylor quietly read the text that accompanied the mural.

“Captured by Hydra troops later that fall, Barnes endured long periods of isolation, depravation and torture.” A pit formed in Frankie’s stomach.

“…Torture?” Taylor gasped quietly. “Did he…did he ever tell you any of this?”

Frankie shook her head. “My dad…he thinks the less he tells me about that time, the more normal my life would be. He just always wanted me to see him like any other dad.”

Sometimes Frankie wondered how Steve would’ve parented Jimmy. Would he have ignored the questions like Bucky had ignored his daughter’s?

“I guess you could’ve just always googled it though.” Taylor commented.

“I never have.” Frankie retorted casually.

This made Taylor stop in her tracks. “Why the hell not?”

Frankie shrugged. “The internet is full of lies. Then there was the whole Accords mess. The media isn’t always nice to my family. No one knows the full story but my dad. I figured if I want to know the truth, I should hear it from him and no one else.”

Taylor slowly nodded in understanding.

When they kept walking, there was another mural of Bucky. This must have been a newer addition because it picked up after The Battle of Washington, D.C.

“The world was astounded to find that James Buchanan Barnes survived his fall in 1944, only to become the longest surviving prisoner of war in history. Barnes was forced into a new identity as Hydra’s The Winter Soldier.”

Frankie quickly looked away, not wanting to read the rest.

Taylor instantly noticed her distress and looped an arm with her’s, gently pulling them from the mural. She sat them on a bench that was near the display of all The Howling Commando uniforms.

“You okay?” Taylor asked quietly.

Frankie nodded, staring back and forth between the mural of Steve Rogers and her dad. They were the two men that had taken her mother’s heart. Y/N was more open talking about things than Bucky.

“The older I get, the more it makes sense that I love them both.” Y/N had said to her once. “Steve and your father were two sides of the same coin. They needed each other. Both born with the best of hearts, they were too reckless and selfless to look out for themselves. So they had to look after each other.”

“You think if the rest of The Howling Commandos managed to get frozen, you’re mom would’ve slept with them too?” A guy from their high school brought Y/N out of her head.

His name was Greg and he happened to be one of the burnouts at their high school. He rarely was in class because he was too busy skipping class and getting suspended. How he was able to even attend their class trip to DC was beyond her.

In the corner of her eye, Frankie saw a few of her guy friends start walking in his direction to defend her. They were all the star players of basically every sports team at their school. But she motioned with her hand for them to leave it.

Frankie slowly got up from the bench and smirked when the guy was reminded that she had a good few inches on him.

She raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, Greg. Do you want to say that again a little louder for me?”

Greg scoffed at her. “I asked if your mom would’ve slept with the rest of them if she had gotten the chance.”

Frankie smiled brightly at him and nodded. “That’s what I thought…” But the remark was immediately followed by her fist slamming into his face.

“What the fuck!” Greg screamed out as he clutched his now bleeding nose.

Her friends clapped and cheered.

Frankie leaned forward. “Next time you talk shit about my family, I’ll break it.” Her voice was a low and threatening whisper.

There was a chance she’d get in trouble for that one. If Greg was cowardly enough to tell on her, she’d most likely be able to charm her way out of it. Frankie didn’t go around picking fights like Jimmy had at her age. But she wasn’t one to back away from a fight either. Plus she had a way with words that her brother didn’t, and it managed to keep her record fairly clean.

“I wish you’d just done your Darth Vader choke…probably would have made him pee his pants in terror.” Taylor joked as they started walking out of the exhibit.

Frankie smirked mischievously. “You know I can’t, Tay.”

She groaned dramatically. “I know, I know. It’s against your mom and dad’s rules. No using your freaky superpowers against anyone unless it’s for self-defense.”

When she was around 10-years-old, Frankie got a life threatening fever, just like Jimmy. Her parents knew what to expect this time, but it still terrified Y/N and Bucky. A few days later, she started accidentally moving things in the room. Sometimes objects would randomly float in the air. There was even one time when Frankie accidentally shattered the glass in one of the training rooms at the compound. She refused to use her telekinesis for weeks after that incident.

Through help with her “aunts” and “uncles,” as well as other new Avengers, Frankie learned how to master her powers. With her telekinesis matched with her father’s super-soldier genes, Frankie was one of the world’s deadliest weapons. And she was only 16.

“Bucky, will you stop it with the pacing. You’re driving me insane.” Y/N snapped. He was aimlessly walking around her garden as she tried to pick vegetables. If he wasn’t pacing, he was shifting his weight and hands so much that he somehow still appeared to be moving.

“I’m sorry, doll.” He sighed.

“You said you were going to help me garden, so help me and stop worrying about her.”

“I’m not worried about her.” Bucky mumbled grumpily.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “You’re such a bad liar. Go water the tomatoes while I pick these carrots.”

Bucky couldn’t stop his smirk. “So bossy…”

She laughed. “I know you love it.”

Just as Bucky finished watering a patch, his senses heard Frankie walking in the front door. He smiled to himself but managed to stay put. It was the farthest she’d ever gone without one of her parents accompanying her.

Frankie didn’t bother calling out for her parents. She always knew where to find her mom.

Bucky straightened up when his daughter came outside.

She gave him a look and carefully walked to him. Her face held a distant, yet heartbroken expression. Without saying anything, she wrapped him into a tight hug. Her face buried into his neck. She hadn’t held onto him like this since she was little.

“I love you, dad.” Frankie murmured softly.

“I love you too, babydoll.” Bucky replied instantly, holding her tightly.

Y/N read Frankie’s emotions, trying to figure out if something terrible happened. That’s when she put it together. There was no way her school hadn’t taken them to DC without going to the Smithsonian Institution.

“Everything okay, Frankie?” Bucky whispered to his daughter as he pulled away to look into her matching blue eyes.

She nodded with a shy smile. “I’m gonna go shower and unpack.”

Bucky nodded, but remained unconvinced.

Frankie quickly gave her mother a hug before going back inside.

Bucky looked at Y/N and silently asked for some sort of explanation.

“You need to talk to her.” Y/N stated firmly.

Somehow her words helped him figure it out.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “What am I supposed to say?” Bucky’s voice was desperate.

Y/N stopped her work and got back to her feet, walking over to him. “All she wants is the truth, Buck. She’s always going to love you. You’re her hero.”

To further reassure him, she gave him a loving kiss.

Frankie was in sweats with hair still wet, unpacking her bag when Bucky knocked on her door.

She said he could come in and continued moving about her room.

Bucky leaned in the doorway with his arms crossed. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

She didn’t pause. “I’ve wanted to talk about it since I was a kid. It was you that never wanted to, dad.” Then she gave him an accusatory look.

“Frankie, I just…” He stopped to take a breath. “I just wanted you to see me as your dad and not the way the rest of the world does.”

She finally stopped to stare at him. “I’m never going to think less of you, dad.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say.

Frankie looked at the floor. “Did they really torture you?” She whispered.

Bucky saw how much his past was already hurting his daughter. But she deserved to hear his story. Because she was a part of it now. It brought him to Y/N and life gave them her.

“How about I make us some coffee and I’ll start from the beginning?” He finally answered. She nodded.

Bucky didn’t finish telling Frankie everything until long after the sun had set. Y/N stayed clear of the kitchen, knowing that the two of them needed to have this talk alone. If Frankie ever needed her to fill in the gaps, she would. But that would come later.

Bucky told Frankie about his time in the war, even before Steve got the serum and joined the army. He didn’t leave out the gory details after she gave him warning after warning that she didn’t want him to sugar coat it.

It got tougher once he got to the part when he got captured by Hydra. There was a twisted edge of happiness as he remembered The Howling Commando days. But that quickly disappeared when Bucky got to his assumed death.

Then it got even harder when he couldn’t tell her everything. Because he still couldn’t remember it all. Frankie’s face became more and more dejected as she picked out the patches of time that her father didn’t live. It was simply filled with a frozen sleep.

Frankie’s eyes started to water when he told her about The Accords and how Tony reacted when he found out what The Winter Soldier had done to his parents. After all this time and Tony’s forgiveness, Bucky’s eyes were still filled with guilt.

Once Bucky finished his story, the room went so silent that they both could hear the ticking of a clock coming from the other room.

“Dad, you have to realize that I don’t judge you for any of those things, right?” Frankie finally broke the silence with her whisper.

“Your mom and I wanted your life to be as normal as possible. I figured if I kept my past from you, then you’d have a better shot. I didn’t want my issues to affect you.”

Frankie nodded slowly. “I understand.”

But she still looked like her heart was broken after hearing everything her dad went through. Even her darkest imagination could never have come up with any of that.

Bucky reached across the table and gripped her hand tightly. “Don’t feel sorry for me, Frankie.”

“But-But all of that shit you went through… It-It’s terrible! No one deserves to go through that! Least of all you!” Tears streamed down her face as the words stuttered out. She had managed to keep it together through the story, mostly in fear that her dad would stop if he saw how upset it was making her. But now the floodgates were open.

“Hey, hey, hey…” Bucky gripped her hand tighter to get her attention. “You’re missing the most important part.”

Frankie squinted in confusion and sniffled to stop her runny nose.

“Everything that came after.” Bucky clarified. “I got your mom and Jimmy…and then we got you, Frankie.”

“If I’m the happy ending to your story, then I want to hear a new one. What a terrible resolution after all of that.” Frankie joked and roughly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

Bucky smiled at her teasing. “I have to firmly disagree, babydoll.”

“You have to say that; you’re my dad.”

He smiled and shook his head.

“We have a really fucked up family, you know that?” Frankie laughed, her voice filled with congestion after crying so hard.

Bucky smiled. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less.”

She nodded gently in agreement. “Come here.” He stood with his arms open. Frankie obliged and moved into his embrace. “I love you so much, Frankie. The three of you are always going to be my happy ending.”

“God, you’re such a cheesy old man now.”

So I had so much fun writing this. It was the easiest thing I’ve ever written, honestly. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I love hearing from you guys so please review, reblog, and react <3

Shout out to @prettyyoungtragedy for the amazing request.

Keep em coming guys!

[givemeakisspookie-blog]

How You Get The Girl. (Sebastian Stan Fanfiction)

Chapter Two. -All you have to do was stay.- Here you are now, calling me up, but I don't know what to say I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made People like you always want back the love they pushed aside But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye. Nina heard the front door closing with a slam and she wanted to call him, but she couldn't. The brunette was petrified in the same spot where he left her, but now she was staring at the kitchen door. Nina wanted to move, search her phone and call Sebastian, but she could only think of his lips on hers. Nobody in her life had kissed her the way Sebastian did five minutes before. The way his lips moved with hers in perfect synchronization let her speechless and she didn't say anything because she loved every second of it, at least until he left. She was sure that no one would kiss her in that way, not again. Nina could make her body work once again and she walked out of the kitchen, letting herself fall on the sofa. She didn't know why Seb left the place, but hated the fact that he did it. The actress was sure that the kiss was amazing -at least for her-, so it wasn't about it. Maybe it was just an impulse that he regretted, and then he ran instead of staying there at least to talk about it. Maybe she should start looking for a new apartment to move in case things get really bad when Sebastian get back. And maybe six years of friendship were over after all. She got up from the couch thinking about getting her laptop to really start looking for a new place to rent, but the door bell rang. Nina turned the volume of the music down and went to open the door. When she did, her sister was in the other side and four little arms wrapped around her legs yelling "Auntie Nin!" at the same time. Lauren looked at her with her sorry-puppy eyes when Nina kneeled to kiss both of her little nephew and niece’ heads before they got inside the place to say hi to Leia. "Nin, I'm sorry I'm bothering you, I have a last minute business cocktail with the people at work and Jimmy is working and the nanny is out of the town! I don't have anyone to take care of them! It's just for some hours. This is my chance to get the promotion if I make the right move." Lauren explained, speaking really fast, like she always did when she was stressed. "Lau, it's okay. I'll take care of them, don't worry" Nina smiled at her sister. It was really hard to hide the sadness and confusion of her face in that moment, but as an actress she was doing her best. "Are you fine?" Lauren asked, now speaking in a normal voice. It was like if she just could smell when her little sister was sad. "Yes. I mean, I just had a fight or something like that with Seb. I don't know..." she breathed. "But don't worry, I can take care of my little kids, you go to your party and get the damn job!" Nina added, smiling again. "You are a saint, baby. And don't worry; I'm sure it was nothing. The Romanian and you always made things work. I don't know how, but you always do." the oldest of the sister affirmed, caring her sister's arm trying to comfort her. "I hope so..." Nina whispered with a sad smile. "I have to run, hun, sorry. Here you have the kid's things. Call me if something happens!" Lauren said, giving her sister a bag with whatever her son and daughter could need. After that she kissed her sister’s cheek and give Nina a little hug. "Bye kids! Daddy will pick you up latter! I love you!" she added, this time for the kids who were on the living running with the dog. The two women could hear the two little voices screaming 'Bye mommy' from behind and they laugh while Lauren was walking to the elevator. "We love you too! Have fun!" Nina exclaimed before closing the door. After playing, painting coloring books, having dinner, and helping to do the dishes, while they were watching The Winter Soldier the two kids fell totally asleep. Nat was in Nina's room because she was the first one falling asleep and Dean was sleeping lying on the couch. They insisted in watching it because Sebastian wasn't in the apartment. In the dinner they asked three times why he wasn't there. Then again every time they saw Bucky on the movie. Dean loved the movie because of the superhero thing like the big part of the five years old boys; and Nat was a four years old girl who loved the Disney princess but she loved that movie too because she had the same name as Black Widow. They loved even when they didn't understand it very well. Every time he was on the TV, Nina just wanted to turn her eyes to side. It was that or checking the time on her phone, going to the bathroom or the kitchen. She didn't wanted to look at him, thinking about the kiss and getting sad in front of her niece and nephew. She lied to the kids telling them that Seb was working and that she didn't knew when he'd come back home, but that it'd probably be late in the night. But when the kids were asleep she couldn't take her eyes out of the screen where Bucky fighting with Steve. All that she wanted in that moment was a stupid answer to the question inside of her head. When the movie was over, Nina turned off the TV. The kids where still sleeping when she heard a key opening the door and her heart stopped for a second. Sebastian closed the door and none of them said anything, but Dean woke up the second he heard the door. "Hi Seb" the little kid murmured, rubbing his eyes and raising his head from the lap of her aunt.

"Hi kiddo" the man murmured back when he heard the kid calling him. He didn't say any word to Nina, not even hi. "We were watching you on the TV" Dean whispered, closing his eyes and placing his head again in Nina's legs. For her it was really good that her nephew didn't paid attention to her sad face. "You were watching Cap’s movie again? That's great, go back to sleep now, it's late." Sebastian responded to the boy. She could swear he was smiling. Nina took a deep breath and closed her eyes as hard as she could. She needed to talk as soon as possible, no matter if Dean was sleeping again or not. "Nat is sleeping in my room with Leia" Nina start saying. "Their nanny was out of the city and Lauren asked me to take care of them because she had an urgent dinning job meeting and I was the last option. Jimmy should be here picking them in any minute." she explained. Maybe it wasn't the best way to start a conversation after what happened, but she needed to say something to distract her mind and not begin to mourn. He didn't say any word and she didn't heard him walking. It was the most uncomfortable situation in the world. "You have dinner on the own if you want. They insisted in make some extra for you just in case." the brunette finally murmured. She turned in the sofa, only need to look at him. It was just a second and then he was looking at the floor. All Sebastian murmured was a "Thanks", before walking to his room. In the six years she has being friends with the Romanian he never acted that way. They had been through everything but that was new and Nina didn't knew what to do, that's why she wanted to cry. She felt powerless, tired and sad. Nina loved her nephew and niece more than her own life; they were like the children she never had and never knew if she would have, but then the girl wished they weren't there. She wanted their father to pick them and lock herself in her room and not seeing Sebastian for the rest of the night. In the other side she wanted to go and yell at him for an explanation. Five minutes later the doorbell rang, just when Nina was about to fall asleep with Dean. She first moved away from the kid and after that she took him in her arms, trying to not wake him up. "Hi Jim." she murmured to the man when she opened the door. "Hi Nin." he replied back, not giving her a kiss on the cheek because of the small boy hugging the girl's neck. Nina saw Jimmy looking something behind her and she knew it was him. "Seb, my man" Jimmy exclaimed not too loud. "Hey Jim, good to see you." Sebastian said greeting him back. The two men gave a short hug and then Sebastian walked away to the kitchen, almost he is acting as if she was not standing there. Nina didn't say anything and didn't even show any emotion, she just stayed there in front of her brother-in-law, trying to not think in the fact that the man who ignore her a second before was the man who was hugging her the night before. "Thanks for taking care of them. You save or asses again." Jimmy thanked her, while she gave Dean to his father. "It's fine. You know I love to have them here." Nina told him, smiling at the sleeping little boy and his dad. "Give me a second I'll go to bring Nat, she's in my bed taking a nap, probably hugging Leia." she added smiling. "I'll go, don't worry." Sebastian suddenly said from the kitchen door, leaving his water bottle on the dining table and walking to the corridor. "Are you two fine?" Jimmy asked in a low voice like it was a secret and not as if he was trying not to wake his child. Nina realized that maybe he noted for the way she looked at her roommate when he was leaving the living. Or maybe it was the fact that they weren't talking to each other, when normally they never spend more than three minutes or so without saying something, at least when they were in their home. "No. Long story. Don't freak out if in some hours you heard a knock on the door and the one in the other side is me." she joked, smiling sadly.  "It's that bad?" Jimmy questioned again, caring his son's back as he looked at her sister-in-law with worried eyes. "I don't know..." she responded with a whisper, and it was the only thing she said because Sebastian came back carrying Nat. She looked even smaller in his arms. "You want some help to take 'em to the car?" the actor asked to the other man as he grabbed his keys from the small table next to the door. "I can use some help." Jimmy agreed and Sebastian walked out of the apartment again, without look at Nina. "Tell me when you get home safe." Nina asked, waving goodbye at Jimmy.

Before she could close the door she heard Jimmy saying "I forgot the kid's things" so she take the bag from the table and then walked back to the door. Jimmy walked into the apartment before she could do anything and he looked at her. "If you need something just call. The guest room is there for you if you need it. No matter the time, not matter for how long." he finally whispered, winking and holding with his left hand the small bag. 

"Thanks Jimmy." she murmured back, smiling as the man leave again the place and closing the door behind her. Nina had three options to choose from: The first one was to lock herself in her room and cry till she fell asleep and not talk with Sebastian. The second option was to ignore him or trying to keep the things as they were in the moment. The third option was to go and talk to him and pray to the Gods to help her. Ten minutes later Sebastian came back. Nina was sitting in the couch trying to make a decision and it all depended on what he did when he walked in the apartment. He walked to the kitchen, again without saying a word. It was enough for her, so she got up and started walking to her room but something stop her and make her walk to the other side. It was like if something was taking over her body, even when she was terrified. "Can we talk?" she asked from the kitchen door when she got there. When he didn't answer she knew she had to keep pushing. "Are you going to tell me what happened today? Because I think there must be a reason why you kissed me and then you left the department without saying anything." the brunette added, crossing her arms on her chest. "Look, if you don't want me around anymore just tell me! Give me some time to find another apartment and I'll go if that's what you want." Nina exclaimed. She was tired and telling him that was maybe a way to find out what was going on. If it didn't work then she should leave for sure. Just thinking about moving out of that place broke her heart. After five years she couldn't imagine living alone. Even when Sebastian was away for five or six months he was there in a way or another. If he wasn't there his things make Nina miss her roommate a little bit less. And at the end of the day she knew it was a metter of time for him to go back home. If she found a new apartment and she moved out it would probably be her house, but not her home. 

Sebastian was leaning against the counter looking at the floor, with his arms crossing just like hers. For Nina it was obvious the fact that he was looking at the floor to avoid her. She knew he had a weakness for her green eyes. She knew it because she had the same weakness for his blue eyes. In all those years he never acted so distant with her, so it was hurting like a knife even when the man murmured "No." as an answer to her question. Nina could see he was pressing his lips together. She knew he was trying to keep himself in silence for some damn reason. "Then talk to me, Sebastian!" she yelled, walking to be in front of him. "You kissed me and then you run away like a scared little boy and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do basically because I had been scared to death to admite that I like you." the girl confessed. What had started like a scream was over as a murmure because of the tears forming slowly on her eyes and the lump in her throat. Nina would never imagined that she would end telling the truth to Sebastian. If last night someone had asked or tell her that would happen she would have said it was a joke and that could not happen. The actress looked at her friend and she wanted to hug him, but how could she do that if he wasn't even looking at her since he came back? Even talking to him was like talking to a wall, but she didn't care and it was like if the words were going out of her mouth without permission. "Last night when I came home the only person that I wanted to be with was you. And I know that I fell asleep and you stayed with me in my bed." she started to said absolutely shy as she slowly walked to where he was. "I knew it even when you weren't there in the morning. I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw you. And it made me absolutely happy, Seb. God, I wish I could wake up every night and see you there." Nina whispered once he was in front of Seb. She tried to grab his arm or hand, but the she opted for grabbed him by the hem of his t-shirt. Seb never looked back at her and Nina was too nervous to look at something that wasn't her fingers playing with the white fabric. "Listen, I don't wanna lose you. I can't lose you. Not you. So please, if it was just a thing of the moment, please, just say it and it would be in the past, but I need to know." she begged, now with tears in her eyes. She was feeling like if someone was smashing her heart and her chest, and like if the air was absolutely cold even when the building central heating was turned on. After what seemed an eternity he finally looked at her in the eyes, probably because the man heard her sobbing. He didn't say anything. He was just there, standing straight and tall looking at her crying. She just told him in the face that she liked him, that she needed him and that she wanted to have something with him and Sebastian was speechless. Everything and every word were for nothing. "Well," she started to say walking back and away from him. "Looks like I need to pick my things and find a new apartment after all..." she murmured, wiping her tears with her fingers as she walked to her room. The brunette close the door and started to grab some clothes and things she could need and put them in a backpack. She checked that her phone and wallet where in her pocket and bag, then she opened the door and walked to the bathroom to grab a bunch of her absolutely necessary stuff. She was with her bag on her back, about to leave the only place she called 'home' since she left the family house years ago. Leaving that house, Sebastian and Leia -even if she had to leave her for some hours- was going to be the hardest decision that Nina made in her life. Five years of memories were there, but if that was what he wanted he would have it. Nina closed the bag and she could see Sebastian standing where the hallway began, looking at the direction where she was. "If you excuse me, I'm going to spend some time with my family. If you find an answer in your head you know where to find me." Nina hissed, passing next to him, standing for a second to tell him that and then walking right to the door. When Nina was opening the door ready to leave -but practically with her heart on her hand- his hand came from behind and closed the door again. The brunette was hoping he would do that, but she was ready to leave in case he didn't. "I run away not because I regret it. I did it because it made me crazy to think that I couldn't kiss you and hold you in my arms whenever I wanted." Sebastian explained with all the sadness on his voice. Nina could swear she could feel the sadness on her body even without looking at him. Even she could feel his eyes looking down at her. "I still remember that night you came home and said you didn't want to be with any other idiot ever again for the rest of your life. After you say that I lost all my hopes, but last night... Last night I thought that maybe I could have a chance with you after all. But in the moment that I kissed you..." he didn't finish but Nina turned anyway. She remembered that night. She remembered that night perfectly. She came home from a date that was awful and she was so mad at the world that the girl crossed the door screaming what Seb said. Nina remembered that in that moment he was dating or seeing someone, so she never thought that he was paying attention of what she had say. He never seemed to really care about what she had say in that moment; Seb just hugged her, told her to get a shower to relax and then get back to the living to watch a movie together. Nina understood in that moment that he was probably acting like if was nothing, but he never forget about what she said then. 

"When we were kissing I knew you were going to ask me all those things and I didn't have answers. I screw it, Nin. I'm sorry. I don't want you to move out, but I understand if you don't wanna see me again after... this.". When the Rumanian finished he was looking at her in the eyes after of what seemed years without looking at her green eyes.

Nina was still standing close to the door, with her mouth lightly opened; her eyes opened looking right at him, her right hand on the handle of the bag and the left on her chest. Her heart was probably jumping, reflect of the surprised she was showing on her face. He was standing a few steps away from her, trying to give her personal space. After how he treated her all that Sebastian could do was give her some space. 

"Oh my God... Seb, when I said that I wasn't talking about you. And in any case you're my idiot. We had been friends for six years, you know me..." Nina tried to explain and she dropped her bag to the floor, still thinking about what she said that stupid night. "Yes, I know you. And because of that I know you don’t wanna be in my life in that way. It is enough to be my friend for the paparazzi follow you anyway. Then what? Paparazzi in the theater’s door every night? Then around here more than usual? If we let the people know we are together things are going to get insane for you" he explained, walking even more away from her. That was another reason of why he thought they shouldn't be together, even if they wanted to. Sebastian knew the fame wasn't the reason why she became a Broadway actress. She just wanted to be in the stage since she could remember, just because she loved to sing and act. Being recognized or famous was not really her thing. Nina almost wished she could remove that part of her work. Sure that being recognized for her good work was amazing, but it was still weird for her to get out of their home and see some paparazzi taking photos. It was weird specially when they were looking for him and the rumors of them dating started. All Nina ever wanted was being in a stage on Broadway doing what she loves and then came home and have a normal life. Sebastian tried to keep her away from that as long as he could, but if something happened between them it would be really hard to keep doing it. Nina looked at him and again wanted to grab his arm; she wanted to touch his hand or his back to making feel better. Nina wanted to touch her friend to tell him all the things she didn' know how to said in words. "Seb, listen..." the brunette murmured, walking to him and she placed her right hand on his back. And it works because at least when she did it, Sebastian turned around to look at her. 

"Nin, last night you came home crying because a stupid reporter asked you about you and I instead of your work. It will get only worse, sweetheart." he murmured. "You could not have a normal relationship with me. We would go to dinner and there will be people taking pictures. People telling stupid things on Twitter or whatever, just because you're with me? If I couldn’t get used to it after all this time, how could you?" Sebastian spoke, placing his right hand on her shoulder.

Nina knew him enough to know that he was trying to really convince her that being together wasn't a good idea. He was doing it to protect her but she didn't wanted to be protected, at least not in that way. "I can get used to it because I want to be with you, Sebastian..." Nina murmured, taking his cold hands in hers. "They want to talk? Well, let them. The press wants photos? Alright. They always want that, no matter what. You are right, that's not what I wanted. It's not my thing, but you are what I want. You are worth the pain. It will worth the pain if I know that at the end of the day you are there with me, even if you are away." she explained, looking at Sebastian in his dreamy blue eyes before she continued. "But if you... Don't want this... Just tell me, please. Don't use the press or whatever like an excuse to push me away. Just tell me the true." she begged, ending her short speech.

She really didn't wanted an excuse. All that the actress asked for was to know if he really wanted to be with her besides the craziness of they lives. Because, yes, it would be complicated and hard in some points, but she was ready to do it if Sebastian wanted her too. "It's not an excuse. I can't explain with words how much you meant to me and how bad I want to be with you, but-" Sebastian tried to explain but Nina interrupted him. 

"Then let's do it, Seb!" the actress exclaimed and continued. "I can handle all that shit if you are with me. Give me a chance, Stan." she added, almost imploring.Sebastian looked at her for what had seemed an eternity, but it had probably been less than twenty seconds. 

For months he dreamed with that moment and now he got the most amazing woman in the world, right in front of him asking for a chance to be with him and to have something real together. There was a possibility that their relationship lasts a month and end up like a summer rain, but there was also an even bigger chance that they could really make it work and then they could have a life together. Sebastian knew that sometimes he could be a bit of a disaster and not know certain things, but he wasn't stupid enough to miss the chance to be with Nina. The man had one shot and wasn't going to ruin it for anything. It took him twenty seconds to decide that he couldn't let his work and the stupid fear ruin the chance to be happy with her.

When Sebastian didn't answer her request for an opportunity, Nina stayed looking straight at his blue eyes trying to find an answer. Nina knew he was trying to do the same in her eyes so she waited. She waited with her hands on his chest and when she gave up Nina closed her eyes and placed her forehead against Sebastian's chest, right where his heart was. Before she could decide what to do, the brunette felt her friend moving and his big hand holding gently both sides of her face. Their gazes meet once again and without any question the Romanian kissed Nina for a long time in a sweet, tender and familiar way. 

Someone once say that people should remember that kisses are sweeter than whine. A Chinese Proverb says that "Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases." and both of them were sure that it was true.

After some long minutes of smiles between warm kisses; teeth biting lips in an oh-too-sexy-way -and Sebastian could swear that Nina's lips tasted always like her cherry lipstick, no matter if she was wearing lipstick or not-; heavy breathing; and hands tangled in messy hair, stroking and caring what they could reach and trying to bring their bodies as close as they could; they pull apart from each other a few centimeters, just enough to look at the mess that they became. But at least they were a happy mess with red lips for kissing; rapid and heavy breathing; messy clothes; and even more disheveled hair. 

"Sorry I made you cry" Sebastian spoke, holding Nina in his arms and still looking at her. He was like a kid looking at the stars and she loved that look in his beautiful eyes. 

"I should kick your ass for that, but its fine. It's good to cry once in a while I guess. It means I'm still a human." she joked, with the smile still on her face. "You really though I couldn't handle the entire press thing?" Nina asked, now being serious. 

"I think you don't deserve that shit in your life. But I had nothing to do if you want it anyway." he explained, kissing the brunette forehead, letting her go of the grip of his arms around her waist. 

"You are the most stupid Romanian I know." the murmured, kissing the man in the right cheek and walking to the couch to let herself fell on it. 

"I'm the only one you know!" he replied in a cocky tone in his way to the kitchen. 

"And your parents?" Nina asked in the same tone, playing alone with –now- his boy. Just thinking about that now she could go and kiss him whenever and wherever she wanted made Nina smile even more. 

"Aren't you too smart and cocky to be my girlfriend?" Seb questioned, walking back from the kitchen with a water bottle on his hand and dropping himself on the couch next to Nina. 

"I'm not your girlfriend!" she exclaimed, hitting him on the chest as he placed his arm around her shoulders. Neither of them knew if it was good to get used of being like that so fast, but they didn't care at all. 

"Yes, you are now." the man say in a completely normal way, not even looking at her. 

"Well, that's something that I totally can handle without any problem." Nina replied, placing a kiss on the neck of her new boyfriend as she settled beside him and trying to hold within herself the joy of knowing that it was her life from that time, and -if she was lucky- probably for the rest of her life.  ←  Previous Chapter.                                                                  Next Chapter.  →

[funface2]

101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. 

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes  150 Good Morning Quotes  100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes  50 Friday Quotes  50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

[biggerthemovie]

In the winter of 2011, Al Pacino stood at a podium inside the Beverly Hilton to accept a Golden Globe Award. All eyes were on Pacino moments after he was announced Outstanding Lead Actor for his portrayal of Dr. Jack Kevorkian, the contentious right-to- die pathologist who inspired “You Don’t Know Jack,” a polarizing film directed by Academy Award-winner Barry Levinson, with a glitzy A-List cast starring the likes of Pacino, Susan Sarandon and John Goodman. You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with bodybuilding … after all, this is Muscular Development, right? Well, stay with me a little longer and I’ll connect the dots. The film was produced by Steve Lee Jones, one of Hollywood’s most ambitious producers, regarded in those circles for his cunning ability to identify larger-than-life true stories for which movies should be made. Upon his arrival in Hollywood, Jones secured the rights to Kevorkian’s life story, a complex, multi-layered memoir, one that would provide a blueprint for a film worthy of Hollywood royalty, like Pacino. Fast-forward to a call I received one evening this past March. The voice on the other end was Jones, the aforementioned producer, currently knee-deep in his project “DeLorean,” the story of the legendary auto industry maverick. The call came just a few days after Joe Weider was laid to rest. If you’re a reader of this magazine, you’re well aware of Joe’s transformational influence on physical culture, the sheer gravity of the industry he built, and the millions he inspired. But for many, outside of the bodybuilding world, the story of Joe and Ben Weider is a bit less familiar— a reality that often appeals to a brand of Hollywood execs who hunger for undiscovered gems, the kind that win awards. I had met Jones 15 years earlier while working in the television business. Since those days, I’ve kept tabs on his rise in Hollywood while he kept a watchful eye on my work in the bodybuilding biz. We’ve often joked, over the years, that our two worlds, despite their obvious differences, are both occupied by individuals who share an insatiable appetite for the spotlight, while cleverly putting a positive spin on narcissism, an art form of sorts. Jones was calling because he wanted me to tell him everything I know about Joe Weider. He asked a lot of questions, but these weren’t your typical “How did Joe discover Arnold?” questions. He wanted to explore the earliest stages of Joe’s life, his childhood, his struggles with anti-Semitism, and the risks that were taken by a pair of young men who sought to change the way the world viewed muscle. It was obvious that Jones had done his homework and, true to his reputation, he had already begun peeling away the layers of a story that would begin in poverty, in the depths of the Great Depression. It was only a few minutes into the conversation when I reminded myself that I was speaking with someone who had the vision, and the power, to bring this story to life, to tell it in a way that no bodybuilding story had ever been told. There have been smaller-scale efforts, most recently an ambitious documentary called “Generation Iron,” but never before has there been a major theatrical feature film that places bodybuilding front and center for the world to see. The story of Joe and Ben Weider had landed on Hollywood’s radar, and after speaking with the man who helped garner a Golden Globe for Pacino, I was prepared to do everything in my power to make sure this project advanced beyond our initial conversation. Eric Weider’s Keys to the Kingdom  In the movie business, a film based on a real-life individual is termed a biopic, and when telling the story of someone no longer living, the crucial first step is to secure the “life rights” from the estate of the deceased. This critical step provides unfettered access to the most personal and private details, the kind of minutiae that can provide an audience with a view of the subject unlike any they’ve seen before. In this case, the subjects are Joe and Ben Weider, and the man who holds the keys to the kingdom is Eric Weider— Ben’s son, Joe’s nephew and the head of the billion-dollar family empire. My first task was to coordinate a meeting between Eric and our producer, an assignment that would require a delicate pitch to a man who cares deeply about the legacy of his late father and uncle. I called Eric and informed him that Hollywood had come calling. I spoke glowingly of the opportunity and the authenticity of the producer. Once Eric realized that I wouldn’t let him off the phone until he gave me the answer I was looking for, he cautiously agreed to a meeting. “When I first heard from Steve Lee Jones I was a little skeptical,” explains Eric Weider. “I quickly learned, though, that Steve was the real deal, not just a dreamer. He is someone with a big vision and the know-how along with the track record to get this done. The more time I spend with him, the more impressed I am.” After a series of meetings, Jones’ Hollywood-based company, Bee Holder Productions, announced it had secured exclusive rights to the Joe and Ben Weider life story, and book rights to Brothers of Iron from the parent company, Weider Health and Fitness. Enter Brad Furman With the ink dry on a landmark “exclusive rights” deal, it was time to select a writer/director. Jones is committed to telling this story from its earliest, most meaningful stages. He shares, “The working title is ‘BIGGER’ and the story will focus on the young brothers confronting rampant anti-Semitic sentiment as they try to launch a business and a movement. Joe was the visionary who wanted to encourage others to build their bodies and self-esteem, while Ben brought the business savvy to make the dream a reality.” When word of the project began circulating through Hollywood’s inner circles, there was no shortage of writers and directors interested in developing the script, but Jones understood that this story required an “A-List” writer/director in order to attract an “A-List” cast. Enter Brad Furman, director of “The Lincoln Lawyer” (2011) a film that starred Matthew McConaughey and grossed nearly $100 million at the box office. More recently he directed “Runner Runner” (2013) with Justin Timberlake and Ben Affleck. “I knew Brad was a college athlete who experienced pretty extreme prejudice growing up in Philly,” explains Jones. “I was also told that he was looking for his next project to have deep meaning. So I called a meeting and we had instant synergy. I knew he was our guy. His passion for the story was quite obvious.” When asked what drew him to the project, Furman reasoned, “These men’s stories, what they created, it’s exciting. This is a great opportunity to shed light on remarkable men who pulled themselves up from nothing to greatness.” How REAL is all of this? In Hollywood, new projects are born every day. During their embryonic stages of development, many have been known to die an early death. So if you’re concerned about the viability of this film, I’ll provide some comfort. Our Golden Globe and Emmy-nominated producer has projected a $30 million production budget, and our writer, known mostly as an A-List director, is in the final stages of a script as jaw-dropping as the physiques Joe made famous. Some of the biggest names in Hollywood are on the short list to play the coveted lead roles, and Jones hopes to begin shooting later this year. Additionally, Eric Weider has signed on as executive producer, joining a Bee Holder Production team that also includes Drew Gallagher (co-producer), Dan Fugardi (associate producer) and Camila Castro (creative executive). I will serve the project as co-executive producer, along with a host of consultants including Mike Steere (co-author of Brothers of Iron), Jimmy Caruso, Leroy Colbert and Andre Begin, a former Mr. Canada who was taken in and off the streets by the Weider family. When I asked Furman about the enormous burden of telling the story of a pair of men who inspired millions, he surmised, “Eric Weider handed me the bronze statue of his Uncle Joe with his massive arms folded across his chest, and I stared at it, at the strength and determination in Joe’s body, and in his eyes. And in them I saw the ‘come-from-nowhere-and-go-to-somewhere’ lonely kid who built himself a life— the world of bodybuilding— because if he didn’t do that, as he said, he’d have had no world to live in. That story appeals to me and my own journey, and to anyone who has a dream.” Muscular Development is proud that our senior features editor, Dan Solomon, is co-executive producer of this historic film project. MD and FitnessRx for Men will continue to provide behind-the-scenes coverage of bodybuilding’s arrival in Hollywood, from production all the way to the red carpet!

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Hossa's Contract, the Draft, and Drake

Welcome to Sean McIndoe's weekly grab bag, where he writes on a variety of NHL topics. You can follow him on Twitter. Check out the Biscuits podcast with Sean and Dave Lozo as they discuss the events of the week.

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Chad Johnson is back – The former NFL star went and got his hopes up over the Mike Smith trade.

The second star: The NHL trolls Capitals fans – Which is good to see, because I think we all agree that those guys have been riding high for too long.

The first star: Marc-Edouard Vlasic is afraid of bees – But it's cool everyone, he has a plan.

Outrage of the week

The issue: Marian Hossa will miss all of next season, and his career may be over due to a skin disorder. The outrage: Not only is the league losing a wonderful player, but the Blackhawks are going to get off the hook for the rest of Hossa's massive contract. Is it justified: We don't know exactly how Hossa's situation will play out. Maybe he makes a comeback and plays again for the Blackhawks or someone else. Or maybe he retires, at which point Chicago would be on the hook for a portion of his cap hit. But the most likely outcome is that he simply goes on the long-term injured reserve for the remaining four years on his deal, the Hawks largely avoid any cap repercussions, and the league just shrugs and moves on while fans of other teams scream about how unfair it all is.

Here's the thing: That's just how the system functions. It's not a bug, it's a feature. To be clear, Hossa's situation isn't some sort of scam being run by the Blackhawks. From everything we've seen, it's a legitimate condition that could have become life-threatening. Just like Chris Pronger or Marc Savard before him, Hossa is a victim here. Save your conspiracy theories.

But this is how it works in the NHL. Certain players sign long-term contracts, including some under the old CBA that were for 10 years or more. Those contracts start to look ugly as time goes on. There's lots of hand-wringing about whether the team will be on the hook for a major cap hit on a declining player.

And then, just in time, the problem goes away. The player gets hurt, or hurt enough. Maybe they head for the KHL. Or sometimes they just vanish without any explanation at all. Then their cap hit winds up on LTIR, or maybe it gets traded to some team that needs to artificially reach the floor. But at some point, somehow, it all just… goes away.

And everyone is fine with it.

Oh, inevitably, fans complain. It doesn't seem fair. The system is supposed to punish teams that sign contracts that go bad. The Blackhawks won three Cups largely on the strength of back-diving deals to Hossa and Duncan Keith, and they were supposed to pay a price. Now they're going to wriggle off the hook, and probably spend that newfound cap space on some new star players who'll help them beat up your favorite team.

But the NHL knows this. And they've been very clear that they're OK with it. They may pretend they don't know how Hossa's situation will play out just yet, but we all know where this is headed. Once the league allowed Chris Pronger to take a new job and enter the Hall of Fame while his playing contract was still on the books, the message was clear. They don't really want to punish anyone for this stuff.

And yes, the same goes for cap recapture, the ridiculous after-the-fact rule the league enacted in 2013 to penalize teams for deals that had already been reviewed and approved. It's been applied to players like Ilya Kovalchuk and Mike Richards, in relatively small amounts. But will you ever see it applied in a way that could really hurt a team like the Predators? Put it this way: Remember to act surprised when the rule quietly disappears with the next CBA.

This is just how it works in this league. Whether it's the referees, the Department of Player Safety or contract loopholes, you're supposed to think that there's a chance that somebody will get punished in some meaningful way even though it almost never happens. We should all be used to it by now.

Feel bad for Hossa, and for fans who won't get to see him play anymore. But if you thought this contract was going to come back and bite the Blackhawks someday, feel bad for yourself too, because you haven't been paying attention.

Obscure former player of the week

The big news in the NHL right now is the entry draft, with the first round being held tonight. But another important story slipped a bit under the radar this week, with the announcement that the Coyotes were parting ways with captain Shane Doan. That ends a 21-year relationship, dating back to the 1995-96 season. Doan has actually been with the franchise longer than the Coyotes have even existed; he pre-dates the move from Winnipeg by a year.

So today, let's combine those two stories by bestowing obscure player honors on Steve Kelly. I'll explain.

Kelly was a speedy center who put up decent points and PIMs with the WHL's Prince Albert Raiders in the early 90s. That earned him a first-round selection, sixth overall, by the Oilers in the 1995 draft. He made his debut in Edmonton with eight games in 1997, scoring once, and played six more in the playoffs as the Oilers upset the Stars.

Kelly opened the 1997-98 season with the Oilers, but was traded to the Lightning in December as part of the Roman Hamrlik deal. He'd stick around for two years before being traded to the Devils and then to Los Angeles. He'd spend four seasons with the Kings, but only suit up for 37 games. He'd eventually head to Europe, briefly returning to the NHL to play two games for the Wild in 2008.

All in all, Kelly's NHL career spanned nine seasons but just 149 games, and he scored only nine goals. That's not bad, but as far as number six overall picks go, it qualifies him as a bust. But that's where things get worse for the Oilers. When they took Kelly back in 1995, they passed on an Alberta kid who many had expected them to take. Instead, that player went to the Jets with the very next pick. Yes, good old Shane Doan. To make matter even worse, that year's draft was held in Edmonton, and roughly 10,000 fans were chanting Doan's name when the Oilers made their way to the podium.

Hockey history probably looks a lot different for one franchise and maybe two if the Oilers had just picked the local kid. But we'll never know for sure, thanks to Steve Kelly. (By the way, another kid from Edmonton went 11th overall that year. But this has already been painful enough for Oilers fans, so we won't mention that other guy.)

The NHL actually got something right

… twenty years ago. We think. Nobody's quite sure. But stick with me, because we kind of started all this so we need to clean it up.

Last week, our YouTube section featured a series of comedy sketches from the 1997 NHL Awards. They weren't exactly knee-slappers, but some were better than others, and they were all funnier than whatever that Penn and Teller thing was on Wednesday. The best of the bunch was this one, in which the NHL had some fun with a pair of star goaltenders who'd also scored goals

I liked it. I even made a point of applauding the "better pull your goalie" kid. I liked his enthusiasm. He probably went on to great things.

Well, hold on. As several readers immediately pointed out, that kid looked kind of familiar.

Is that… is that Drake?

It certainly looks like him. And as all good Canadians know, before he found fame as a rapper, Drake was a child actor. He would have been ten years old when this piece was filmed in his hometown of Toronto. A few years later, he was playing Jimmy Brooks on Degrassi and looking like this.

Others were wondering the same thing. In one of those crazy coincidences that seems to happen on the internet, news outlets started randomly discovering the eight-year-old YouTube clip on their own just days after we'd mentioned it here. Message boards and Reddit groups debated the question. Literally everyone made some variation of the same "I guess he really did start at the bottom" joke. And eventually, experts started concluding that it's definitely him.

I think that's all good enough for me. It sure seems like this obscure NHL awards sketch was indeed Drake's introduction to a worldwide audience. And if so, that means two things. One, I clearly owe all of you an apology for missing this last week, since pointing out obscure details from old and forgotten NHL moments is pretty much my job description.

And more importantly, the NHL Awards have officially had a real live celebrity on them! We did it! Step aside, Kevin Smith. You too, Beverly Hills housewives. Better luck next time, vaguely hammered Cuba Gooding Jr. Hit the bricks, literally dozens of people who probably really were legitimately famous but whose names I didn't recognize because I'm old.

If anybody asks, the list of genuinely famous celebrities who've appeared on an NHL Awards broadcast is officially now Jon Hamm and Drake. (Just make sure to change the subject before they start trying to nail down dates.)

Classic YouTube clip breakdown

This year's NHL Awards took place on Wednesday, and as usual, everyone complained about them. That's pretty much become an annual tradition; hockey fans gather around the TV, watch the hardware get handed out, and mumble about how the celebrities aren't famous enough, the musical acts aren't good enough and the jokes aren't funny enough.

Well, all of that may be true. But look on the bright side. At least the NHL didn't do this.

It's June 4, 1984 and Alan Thicke is hosting the NHL Awards from Toronto, and beyond that I swear to you I don't have one damn clue about how to explain what you're about to see.

"Fitness shows are big this year," Thicke informs us, and we'll just agree to take his word for it. He launches into the setup for the next segment, which will apparently involve something called "The Canadian Brass" performing a three-minute workout.

Thicke, of course, is no stranger to this section. He made his first appearance in one of the very first Grab Bags ever, when he sang "Hockey Sock Rock" with Phil Esposito, Buck Rogers and the Unknown Comic in a performance that's even weirder than I just made it sound.

While that was good, Thicke hit his hockey-related peak at the 1988 NHL Awards when he performed a song about Canada. That was the segment that gave is the immortal "Second Row Guy", the perpetually flustered extra whose live TV meltdown got progressively more painful as the song went on. And Thicke somehow still stayed cool through the whole thing.

We lost Thicke late last year, of course, when he passed away playing a game of (what else) hockey. The NHL paid tribute to him at this year's all-star game. He also wrote the theme songs for a bunch of hit sitcoms like Diff'rent Strokes and The Facts of Life. Did you know that? Not many people know that. What an interesting fact.

Why yes, I am stalling now. Was it that obvious?

Fine, here we go. Bring out the Canadian Brass. Hey, how bad can it be, right?

So it turns out that "Canadian Brass" is a bunch of Canadian dudes playing brass instruments. Not much of a twist there, I guess, although it's nice to see that they broke out the white tuxedos and red cummerbunds. They perform a nice enough little number, even mixing in some light choreography. It's also perfectly pleasant in a very Canadian sort of way, and we all agree to ignore the fact that there seems to be a synthesizer playing somewhere.

And then, 30 seconds in, it happens: A half-dozen ladies in leotards trot out onto the stage, shout out a countdown, and start doing aerobics.

Look, I know that some people read this stuff at work and can't watch the YouTube clips, and right now those people are very confused. They think that last line was some kind of metaphor. I can assure you it is not.

It's easy to miss, but my very favorite part of the whole video comes right as the workout women appear, and the Canadian Brass guys are supposed to momentarily act confused. Trombone Guy really sells it for like half a second before going right back into his music.

At this point we're 1:15 into the clip. The next three minutes is basically just brass and… uh… exercise. And no, I'm not going to make any GIFs of the workout women miming like they're playing the trumpet. This is a classy operation we're running here, dammit.

They really bring it down about halfway through. That's smart. If you're going to ask an audience of hockey players to sit through three minutes of jazzercise, pacing is key.

By the way, do Americans know what the 20 Minute Workout was? I know it was a Canadian show, but it feels like the sort of thing that would have trickled over the border. Anyways, if you're confused, watch this. You'll still be confused, but you'll be healthier for it.

Also, according to the internet (so it can't be wrong), Canadian Brass is "the world's most famous brass music quintet" and is still a going concern to this day. I'm still not sure why they didn't do a hockey-themed song here, like the Hockey Night theme or Brass Bonanza. Ah well. Let's get back to the video, which I'm sure has wrapped up by now.

Oh good lord, it's still going on. This is the longest three minutes in hockey history, narrowly beating out the Oilers defending a 3-0 lead against the Ducks in this year's playoffs.

The whole thing finally ends with a lovely shot of the ladies bending over while the guys raise their horns. Everyone bows, at which point it becomes clear that they didn't rehearse exiting the stage because nobody's sure when to leave and they start bumping into each other.

Thicke knows that was awful but is way too much of a pro to ever say so, so instead he soldiers on with a joke about Dave Semenko attacking one of the performers, because nobody's watching at this point anyway.

And with that, we're done. Somehow, trombones and leotards didn't become a regular feature of the NHL awards, which is too bad. I bet little Drake would have gone out and killed that performance.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Hossa's Contract, the Draft, and Drake published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv