#the Bavarian fit I’m crying

[kcciny]

NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT DOUMAN WEARING LEDERHOSEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN GERMANY MEIN BRUDER

Meine Tür ist offen falls er vorbei kommen will ngl-

[thestorytellerofkpop]

The Steps in Finding Love; Patience

Title: The Steps in Finding Love; Patience 

Word Count: 7.2k+

Rating: T with eventual M

Genre: Realistic fiction, slice of life, drama, fluff with eventual smut

Warnings: Smoking, Established member x member relationship, angst that heals, bad made up makeup names and references, mentions of bad past relationships, a supportive yet sassy maknae line. This is part two of a four part series.

Pairings: Female Reader x BTS members, Jimin x Jungkook (Jikook)

Summary: “Mama said the next step was always the worse for the women in our family, and that step, was patience.”

1, 2, 3 (coming August 9th)

Tonight was the night. Tonight was the launch of the Cake palette you and your team worked tirelessly for, for months. You worked through the pain of your breakup until you passed out from exhaustion, filling the painful and broken void of your heart with the struggles and stress of work. You worked yourself to the bone up until tonight, making sure everything was in place for the party and informing security that Kim Seokjin was removed from the guest list and shouldn’t be allowed entry under any circumstances. Eventually Taehyung’s words started to make sense to you: you felt enlightened now that you’ve experienced a real heartbreak. The amount of tears that you cried grew less and less with each passing hour and day of work until you couldn’t come up with a logical reason to cry anymore. And the pain? Well, most of it was gone. But then again, no one ever really gets over the pain of their first real heartbreak, do they? Now here you were with your three friends in Jimin’s and Jungkook’s apartment, getting ready for the night of celebration.

“Babe, you need to chill.” Taehyung pursed his lips at you, bopping the eyeshadow brush he held against your nose. “I’m gonna ruin your makeup if you keep shaking like that.”

“Sorry Tae,” you said absentmindedly, playing with the hem of your bright turquoise dress. “I’m just nervous.”

“About the party or about you-know-who?” Jungkook asked from across the room, carefully applying Jimin’s eyeliner. He smiled and clicked his tongue when he was done, holding up a mirror to show Jimin his work.

“Beautiful as always Kookie.” Jimin smiled, straightening out his husband’s tie before moving to sit next to you. 

He held your hand, and the warm gesture made you relax enough to allow Taehyung to finish applying your bright white eyeshadow, the shade you dubbed ‘Bavarian Cream’.

“Y/N. It’s been three months honey. If Seokjin was going to try something he would’ve done it by now.” Jimin tried to calm your nerves.

“Yeah, I’m surprised he didn’t pull our distributor out from under us.” Jungkook chuckled, touching up his smoky eye look.

“Seokjin may be a jerk, but he isn’t as low as to destroy our business. He believed in us, believed in me.” you felt tears well-up in your eyes from the fond recollection and before they could fall Jimin and Taehyung were on you in an instant.

“Nuh-uh babe, no tears tonight. This is a happy night! And if you cry you’re gonna ruin your look.” Taehyung fussed, placing a tissue under your eyes to catch the stray tears.

“Oh honey. You’re too good for that asshole. I know you loved him, but you’re so much better than he is.” Jimin kissed your knuckles in reassurance. “Prove that bitch wrong, Y/N. When he sees pictures of tonight’s launch he’s going to be wishing he never cheated on you.” you laughed at Jimin’s exuberance, nodding your head at him. 

“You’re a motherfucking woman, you don’t need an ass like Kim Seokjin to make you happy! He’s not worth your tears or your time. He’s just a scrub compared to you; a self-made, independent business woman who don’t need no man.” Jimin snapped his fingers at you, making a new wave of giggles expel from your lips. 

“You’re right Jiminie. I’m gonna prove him wrong.” you spoke with a newfound confidence the boys haven’t heard you have since the breakup, and they all smiled at each other. 

“That’s my girl.” Jimin squeezed you hand in determination. “Now, let Tae finish you up so we can leave and celebrate!” Jimin cheered, allowing his husband to place a kiss on his colored lips. You smiled at the boys, turning back to Taehyung with confidence in your eyes.

“Make me look like a bad bitch, Tae.” he giggled at your words, giving you a boxy grin.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do girl!”

You chuckled as Taehyung finished up your eyes, and you made funny faces at him when he put on your highlighter and blush (”Only the best of the V line for you, my dear”). You looked at each of your boys and pride swelled in your chest at how far you all have come. They all looked radiant.

Jungkook was the simplest of the group; his brown hair was quaffed and his foundation was basic, but his eyes were dark and smoky with underlying sins and promises, and his suit was form fitting with a black tie to match. Jimin was pristine. His eyes were in the deep matte purple of the famous ‘Mixed Berry’ color from Cake, his eyeliner was a rich blue that came from his own collection and his mouth held a nude lip color that he was touching up from the kiss he shared. He wore all white, drawing more attention to his eyes and freshly bleached-blonde hair. And Taehyung? He was absolutely gorgeous. His eyes reflected that of a sunset: the reds, oranges, and yellows from all your palettes blended in to create a cacophony of color that matched beautifully with his red hair. His full bodysuit was red as well, and even though it was a women’s cut, Taehyung’s curves and ass filled it out perfectly. His custom made six-inch heels from Gucci were drool-worthy, made with red velvet material so that he “Could walk the red carpet all the time”. His lips were thick and blood red from Jungkook’s Devil line, and you prayed for Taehyung’s boys for when he returns home that night, because god damn if you didn’t jump your friend, you knew his boys would.

“And…there! The most beautiful one of us all, is complete.” Taehyung flourished, turning you around to meet the gaze of Jimin and Jungkook. 

Your eyes were white with glitter and a sparkling liner to boot, shining wonderfully against your bright turquoise dress. The dress was low cut, revealing the skin of your chest and thighs in the most seductive way. Your lashes were long and luscious and your cheeks glowed under the lights of the apartment. Your lips looked divine, the tint of pink Taehyung applied made your lips look natural, yet enticing to the eye. And when you stood and toed on your sparkling Betsey Johnson heels, you suddenly became as tall as Taehyung, spinning around to give the boys a complete 360 view. Jimin ‘ooo’ed and Jungkook whistled low in his throat.

“If I wasn’t gay I would be all over you Y/N.” Jimin said in awe, gently running his fingers over your cheek. “Taehyung, you did an astonishing job. Your technique is superb with the winged shapes.”

As Taehyung giggled and thanked the eldest of the group you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist, and you knew it was Jungkook when he chuckled behind you, his hands splaying around your hips.

“Well, I’m not completely gay, so I have every right to hang off of my incredibly gorgeous friend.” You saw Jimin purse his lips at the man behind you and Jungkook whined softly. “Oh c’mon Jiminie, can’t we whisk her off into bliss for one night? They always say that two is better than one.” he teased. You rolled your eyes and removed yourself from his hold.

“I already told you Kookie, I’m not indulging you in your threesome fantasy.” you laughed as he pouted, crossing his arms like a child would.

“But why not?” he whined. Jimin sighed and linked his arm with Jungkook’s, a coy smile playing on his face.

“Because she doesn’t want to Kookie. You’ll just have to deal with me, your loving husband.” Jimin teased, pressing numerous kisses into Jungkook’s pouty cheeks.

“Children,” Taehyung sighed fondly, linking your arm with his. “Now c’mon, or we’re going to be late for our own event!” Taehyung guided you out the door and you couldn’t help but giggle at Jungkook who whined behind you, 

“Oh, so he can hang off Y/N but I can’t?! Totally unfair.”

~*~

“What kind of sick game is he trying to play!?” you yelled in frustration, causing numerous heads to turn towards you. Jungkook chuckled nervously at your outlandish display, guiding you towards the empty bar and away from the public eye.

“Get her a drink, anything, please.” Jungkook turned towards the bartender as you groaned in frustration.

The launch had been going smoothly. Everyone adored the palette, the media attention was great, and you and your boys were having a blast. But right in the middle of it all, when you were talking to the executives of Jancôme, your phone went off. Normally you would ignore notifications during events like this, especially one you worked so hard for, but it was Seokjin. It was Seokjin and you couldn’t help but excuse yourself from the conversation to peer at the Tweet he posted. Jungkook followed in confusion, asking you why you left so abruptly when you exploded, leaving him to guide you to where you were now.

“I can’t believe the nerve of this guy,” you huffed as the bartender brought you a glass of wine. You quickly chugged it down and asked for another before turning on Jungkook. “Look at this!” you slid your phone to him.

The main part of the Tweet was a picture of the four of you in front of the Cake palette display, right next to the actual cupcake display that the owners of your favorite cake ship in Seoul catered for the event. You all were smiling as the owners of the cake shop held cupcakes in their hands, the four of you holding the palettes like you didn’t have a care in the world.

“‘I’m so proud of @BeauVCosmetics for releasing their new #CakePalette, it looks good enough to eat! Almost as good looking as @y/n_l/n007 does in that beautiful dress, own it BeauV Team!’“ you read out loud to Jungkook, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Who does he think he’s fooling, trying to play it off as if we’re friends I mean c’mon! He’s just trying to get a share of the limelight we’ve taken from him and his Bloodlust line.” you shook your head, gripping your second glass of wine hard enough that your knuckles turned white. Jungkook chuckled nervously beside you, awkwardly patting your shoulder in some semblance of comfort. 

“Maybe he really is just trying to be supportive? I mean you said earlier that he believed in us and our business?” Jungkook tried to reason with you. You huffed, standing and grabbing your wine.

“I need some air.” and with that you left him, ignoring Jungkook’s calls of your name and to wait.

You took the elevator up three floors to the rooftop lounge, and once you were out in the open air you allowed yourself to scream in frustration, running a hand through your styled hair as you kicked off your heels. You took a deep breath, looking up at the open sky as you tried to calm the rising anger you felt. But no matter how many times you took deep breaths and counted the stars, you still felt angry. The rooftop was pretty, with lounge chairs and low lighted lanterns in the planter boxes of flowers and small shrubs, but your eyes traveled to the hot tub in the back corner. You marched over to the edge of the hot tub, sticking your feet in the searing water with a shiver as you took a sip of wine.

“I’d give that scream a solid eight.”

You jumped at the sound of another voice, placing your hand over your heart when you realized you weren’t alone. There was a man standing a good couple of feet away from you, leaning against the railing of the roof, and with the low lighting and nighttime sky around you, you couldn’t make out any of his features. How had you not noticed him before?

“You gave me a fright. I’m so sorry for screaming.” you chuckled, splashing the water around you with your right foot. 

“It sounded like you needed it.” he admitted, moving closer towards you as the low lighting began to illuminate his features. 

The man was good looking, extremely so. He wasn’t the traditional kind of handsome like Seokjin was, but he had is own unique charm about him. His cat-like eyes were piercing and when laced with the light, you could clearly read the nonchalant attitude they held. His lips curled up to his left cheek in a half-sided smirk as he sauntered towards you, plopping himself down next to you on the edge of the hot tub with his back facing the water. He tilted his head in your direction, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he offered, his gaze never leaving yours.

“It’s silly, really.” you admitted, staring into your glass of wine as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. You heard him chuckle next to you.

“Do you mind?” he asked, his long fingers wrapped around a pack of smokes. He raised his brows as you looked at the package, gently taking his lower lip between his teeth as he waited for your response.

“Go ahead,” you said. You watched as he put one between his lips, flicking the old zippo lighter he had until the tip of the cig burned bright amber. He puffed out a breath of smoke and looked up at the sky, his eyes wandering over the light of the stars.

“Whenever you want to talk, I’m ready to listen,” he smirked, bringing his attention back on you. “And I know you want to. I can see it behind the hesitation in your eyes.”

Your mouth fell in a gape when you turned to look at him. The man didn’t seem to care though, puffing at his cigarette in content as he looked back up at the sky. You pursed your lips as you mulled over your thoughts, idly kicking at the water. You had already embarrassed yourself in front of this man when you screamed, why not indulge him even further?

“It’s my ex.” you started and the man next to you snorted.

“It always is,” he said through a stream of smoke.

“He cheated on me with some random chick and we broke it off on bad terms. He hurt me and broke my heart when I was in a growing phase in my life and I’m just now getting over him. But then he tries to act like we’re close on social media, complementing me and my team like he cares about us or some shit. It’s fucking pathetic.” the man hummed softly, tapping his foot as he pondered his next words.

“Seems to me like you really cared about him.” you could tell this stranger chose his words carefully and you sighed in defeat, downing the rest of the wine in your glass for liquid courage so you could tell him the truth.

“I did. He believed in me, believed in us, before we were large. He was the one that got us our connections, our distributors, without him our business would be nothing. Without him, I wouldn’t know what pain truly felt like.” you admitted softly, blinking away your tears before the stranger could see you break. Silence greeted you for a few moments, and all you could focus on was the man’s puffs and the bubbling from the hot tub.

“Seems like you’re at an internal war with yourself. On one hand, you thank him for your success, but on the other hand he hurt you beyond the point of repair. You’re not really angry at him for putting on a façade for social media. Are you?” he questioned.

“No,” you sighed. “I’m not mad about that, not really.”

“You’re upset because you feel like he’s playing you, right? Using you for his advantage and knowing he’s over you even though you’re not over him.” the stranger sighed, dragging the nub of his cig across the titles of the hot tub to put it out.

“How do you know all this?” you couldn’t help but ask. The stranger laughed through his nose, looking over at you with a sad smile as the corners of his eyes turned up.

“Because I’ve been there before.” he simply said, chuckling as he pushed himself off the hot tub. “But you know what princess? Things get better. You live, you learn, and you heal eventually. Patience is but a virtue and you have to have a lot of it to heal a broken heart completely.” he held his hand out to you, helping you out of the hot tub with a surprising gentleness. He didn’t let go of your hand as he walked you to your shoes, bending down to pick them up and hand them to you.

“These aren’t my style, but y’know what they say. Every princess needs the perfect pair of shoes. Whether they are heels or Converse, it doesn’t really matter,” he knelt down, taking your foot in his hand as he slid on one shoe, than another. He stood up, grabbing your hands as a smirk laced through his lips when he saw that you towered over him. “As long as they have the perfect fit.”

This man’s words were disarming; you never met someone who spoke as eloquently as he did. And his smile was something else, reserved but open at the same time. He intrigued you in the best of ways and you wanted nothing more than to just sit and talk with him for hours.

“Who are you?”

The man opened his mouth to speak but before he could, the elevator dinged open and out rushed Taehyung, his heels clicking against the ground. You both turned to look at him and when he saw you two his eyes widened, his lips falling open in a soft gasp. You followed his eyes to where yours and the strangers hands were linked, quickly dropping them down to your sides.

“Y/N.” Taehyung broke the silence, moving towards you in swift steps. “We were worried sick. Jungkook came running up to us, saying you stormed off and we couldn’t find you anywhere-”

“Taehyung,” the stranger cut him off. “Y/N’s fine, she’s been up here with me. She just needed to vent for a little bit, isn’t that right?” the stranger playfully nudged your side

“Wait, wait, hold up. You two know each other?” you asked Taehyung, your eyes darting between the two men.

“Y/N, this is Yoongi-hyung, my plus one.”

“Taehyung invited me because he said I needed social interaction,” Yoongi smirked, looking up at his lavish friend. “And much to all our shock I did in fact engage in conversation, even though it wasn’t in the setting you expected, huh Tae?”

“I’ll admit I am surprised hyung. I’m proud of you.” Taehyung smiled, patting his friend on the back. “But c’mon back downstairs you two, the party is still alive and well and people are still dying to chat with you Y/N.” Taehyung grabbed yours and Yoongi’s hands, dragging you into the elevator much to both of your dismays. 

“So how did you two…?” your thought trailed off, wondering how two contrasting men ever came to be friends.

“Meet?” Yoongi chuckled. “At an art gallery in Daegu. Taehyung found me and he was utterly enamored.”

“Hyung,” Taehyung whined. “Don’t say it so lamely. When I heard Yoongi’s music, I knew that we had to be friends. I couldn’t just let raw talent like that walk away from me!”

“I made the music for the event,” Yoongi explained, noticing your confused look. The elevator opened back out into the party and Yoongi clapped his hands together.

“As much as I enjoyed this, I really should be on my way to the other guests. I enjoyed myself tonight Y/N, hopefully we’ll meet again.” he left you and Tae with a parting smile and a flick of his wrist, escaping into the throngs of people. You chuckled, stepping off the elevator with Taehyung, shaking your head.

“Oh, I know that look.” Taehyung frowned, his eyes squinting at the expression he saw in your face. 

“Don’t worry about it Tae.”

Taehyung sighed when you went back out into the crowd, shaking his head in disbelief before immersing himself into the talk of makeup and brand deals.

~*~

Yoongi idly walked through the art exhibition, cigarette between his fingers as he examined the pieces with mild interest. The art gallery was in an outside hotel plaza, fairy lights adorned the trees as Yoongi’s jazz compositions flew through the open air, embracing the guests in the warm comfort that only pianos and saxophones could bring. He hummed along softly to the wordless music as he wandered, coming to stop at a piece depicting an alien world in some nameless galaxy. He chuckled, his eyes never wavering from the painting as he shook his head.

“Y/N?” he called, “Come out from hiding, I know you’re there.”

You cursed under your breath, coming out of the shadows to stand next to Yoongi.

“How’d you know I was here?”

“I guess you could call it a seventh sense,” he told you, sending you a half-sided smirk as he took a drag. “How’d you know I’d be here?”

“Taehyung told me you would. He said you always compose for Art Walk.”

“For good reason. They fund local artists, showcase their work to potential clients. It’s a good organization and event.” Yoongi deliberated, flicking some ash away into the open air. You both stood there in silence for a few minutes, staring at the painting before Yoongi flicked his spent cigarette to the ground, crushing it beneath his foot for good measure.

“Come walk with me.” he told you, turning to stroll through the rest of the gallery. You followed him, idly looking at the various displays with little interest.

“So, why’re you here?” Yoongi asked.

“Can’t I just be here to support local artists?” you defended, making the man next to you chuckle.

“I would’ve believed that if you weren’t hiding behind those trees.”

“Okay, fine, I just really wanted to talk with you again.” you admitted with blush on your cheeks.

“Y’know, most people would just call and ask for a date right?” Yoongi smirked when he saw you sputter, his eyes growing soft when your blush grew.

“W-Who said I wanted to go on a date with you?! Maybe I just wanted to see you in a merely platonic way.” you stuttered. Yoongi hummed, looking at you with a small smile on his face.

“Right.”

You two continued walking through the plaza, thanking god you chose to wear flats to this event instead of heels. Without the added height from your shoes, you were almost level with Yoongi, give or take a couple of inches that his dress shoes gave him. He looked handsome under the soft glow of the lights, his dark hair shining and his all black attire made him look mysterious and provocative. Sure it was just black jeans, a button-up, and a leather jacket, but he made the simple clothing look great. He had in silver earrings, noting that he didn’t have them in at your launch. Could he have been insecure about them enough to take them out as to not make the wrong impression in front of potential clients? You knew Jimin and Jungkook did the same thing (Taehyung, honestly, couldn’t give two fucks about it and kept his earrings in always) but you would’ve thought Yoongi wouldn’t care about trivial things like that. 

“Have you been to the music plaza yet?” Yoongi asked you suddenly, making you jump slightly at the sound of his voice.

“No, I haven’t.” you admitted.

“Would you like to?” he asked, holding his hand out to you. You glanced between his face and his hand for a few seconds too long before Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Fine, don’t hold my hand then.” he teased, dropping his hand back to his side as he walked away. 

You scurried after him, hearing his soft chuckle when you laced your fingers with his. His hand was calloused, but smooth and oh so warm as his long fingers loosely gripped your own. Yoongi began to swing your hands lightly as he guided you out of the art gallery and down the block towards where the bands were playing. He squeezed your hand gently, looking over at you expectantly.

“So, what’re you in the mood for?”

“Hmm,” you pondered your next move carefully. You didn’t know what kind of music Yoongi liked, all you knew was that he made soft jazz. And THAT didn’t help much considering the fact you couldn’t hear any brass elements in the air that made up jazz. 

“Can we wander? Stop at something we both like?” you suggested. Yoongi gave you a nod, before taking you along the avenues of music. Everyone was good, and everyone was talented. Different genres rang through your ears the more you walked and nothing really caught your attention, until you made it down the end of the street. You gripped Yoongi’s hand a little tighter, making him stop in his stroll.

“I didn’t take you as a soft rock fan.” Yoongi chuckled, guiding you closer towards the stage. There were four or five couples slow dancing to the sounds of electric guitar and pounding drums, the tempo slow and steady. The singer’s raspy voice made your heart pound in anticipation as you looked at Yoongi. Would he allow you to slow dance with him and savor the music? Yoongi hummed along to the melody, gently letting go of your hand. You almost whined in protest.

“Now don’t pout,” Yoongi smirked, his eyes light and full of mischief. “Otherwise I may take back my thoughts of asking you for a dance.”

Yoongi’s smirked turned into a full smile when you blushed, taking a step closer to him. Yoongi’s hands guided your arms to drape around his neck, his own wrapping loosely around your waist as he led you in a slow shuffle. You both swayed to music as you turned in slow circles. You noticed Yoongi’s eyes never left your face, even as yours shifted focus from him, to the band, and down to your feet, his eyes were steady like the music. 

“What’re you staring at?” you couldn’t help but ask.

“You,” Yoongi’s voice was soft and endearing, and his bluntness made you part your lips in shock. “Aren’t you supposed to look at your partner when you dance?” Yoongi countered back snidely. You had no comeback for that, so instead you just laid your head down onto Yoongi’s shoulder as you moved.

“So, how’s the business?”

“Going strong, we’re taking a break before we start coming up with more products. We want the Cake hype to die down then wait a couple months before trying to come up with new products.” you spoke softly and Yoongi pulled you closer, whether it was to just hear you better or create more contact you didn’t know, but you liked it.

“And the ex drama?” Yoongi asked. You scoffed, shaking your head into the leather of his jacket.

“Over it. It was silly and he hasn’t done anything since.”

“That’s good to hear. You’re too strong to be hung up over an idiot like that.”

Yoongi’s words made you smile, and you finished the slow dance in silence, clapping and leaving a tip for the band as they packed up their equipment. Yoongi walked you back to your car, making you laugh and making you smile, making you intrigued to want to know more. To know more about him, what he does, what his passions were. You knew you made the right choice when you asked for his number, because the smile he gave you was one like no other as he punched it into your phone. You knew Yoongi was something else, because the only other smile you’ve seen that radiant was from Taehyung, and you wanted to make it appear over and over again.

~*~

Days turned into weeks, and the time you spent with Yoongi increased with each day that passed you by. The more you both talked, the more you both laughed, the more you realized you had some sort of feelings for the man. You didn’t know if it was love, but whatever it was, it was there, and it was growing, and it was so much better than anything you felt with Kim Seokjin. Seokjin was seductive and Seokjin was society’s standard of perfect. But Yoongi? Yoongi was provocative, not in the way he acted, but the way he spoke. His words never failed to make you breathless as your mind pondered over his thoughts. Yoongi was ragged around the edges, but he was beautiful in the way he spoke, the way he acted, in the way his eyes would flicker with sparks when speaking passionately and in the way he really smiled, a thing you’ve seen more as time went on.

And his music was just like him. You couldn’t remember how many times Yoongi asked you to listen to his music, new and old alike to get your opinion. You didn’t realize the extent of his passion and work, originally thinking all he did was instrumental pieces. Oh, was that far from the truth. He rapped, his way with words making memorable compositions that you begged him to let you download for your personal use. He also produced music for others; some fellow rappers and some singers. The variety of music though, is what surprised you the most. Whether it was classical or jazz  or rock or rap, Yoongi always added his own flair of life into the music with hip hop undertones and beats you could always count out when listening to the song. 

That’s what you were doing tonight. And as you sat on his bed, waiting for him to start the song, you noticed the hesitation in his eyes.

“You alright Yoongi?” he sighed at the sound of your voice, turning to look at you with a solemn expression, as if he was about to confess his sins to you.

“I want to listen to this song with earbuds this time.” he said, laying down on his side of the bed as he plugged the buds into his phone. This was unusual for him, he always played his songs from his laptop with the speakers on his desk.

“Is there any reason why?” you probed.

“This song…is very dear to me,” he explained. “I wrote it when I was in a very dark place, when my ex broke up with me. I’ve never shared it with anyone before, besides the woman that sings it for me. But I want you to hear it. Because I trust you, Y/N.” he confessed.

“Yoongi-”

“I’m sure I want to do this.” Yoongi stole the words right out of your mouth, the corners of his lips turning upwards at your shock. “You’ve been asking why I act the way I do and speak the way I speak. Well, this explains it all. So come, lay with me.” he patted the open space with one hand, the other offering you the other earbud.

You sighed and laid yourself down next to Yoongi on his bed and allowed the music to consume your entire focus. The bass reminded you of a heartbeat as the vocalist sang behind it; her voice powerful and strong. Soft electronic undertones and piano joined the composition, and your ears felt light as the lyrics dug deep into your heart and rooted themselves in with no intention of coming out. You listened carefully to Yoongi’s words and the emotion he had laced into them. Your eyes welled with tears as the song went on and you tried to blink them away, but Yoongi reached out for your hand, meeting your gaze in dim light of his room. His eyes were dark and stormy and matched the lyrics of the songs perfectly. He shook his head, and with that you allowed the tears to roll freely down your cheeks, squeezing his hand back as the song ended. You both laid together in silence, holding each other’s hands as if they were your lifelines to the real world. 

“You were really hurt.” you stated softly, looking into Yoongi’s soulless eyes. He hummed in acknowledgement, tentatively brushing his fingers along your cheek.

“I was,” he whispered. “I still am sometimes, but it’s okay. I guess that’s why I act and speak the way I do now. I don’t want to be personable nor do I want to be relatable. Reading people comes easy now after that experience, and I keep my distance to keep from hurting again. But it’s okay.”

“Yoongi,” you sat up, pulling Yoongi with you as you took the earbud out of your ear. “I care about you a lot. More than I probably should for knowing you only for a few months. But I really like you. I like you so, so much and I don’t want you to live with the memories of that hurt anymore.” your sudden confession was met with silence at first, but then, Yoongi laughed, removing his own earbud.

“Are you sure?”

“Well, yeah I’m sure.” you chuckled nervously, running a hand through your hair as you blushed. You weren’t planning on sharing your growing feelings with Yoongi, but it was out there, and you couldn’t take it back now. Yoongi didn’t say anything for a minute. He just stared at your fingers that were laced with his. With a sigh, he let go of your hand and you felt your blood run cold.

“I can’t.” he said, shaking his head at you. “I’m sorry.”

“But aren’t you tired Yoongi? Aren’t you tired of living in an inescapable trap of pain?” 

“Of course I am-”

“Then why can’t we heal each other and stop hurting?” you asked. “I want to move on completely, and I want to be happy again, and I want to do it with you. I know it’s hard, living with that hollow feeling pain brings you. But pain doesn’t last forever, I should know, but-”

“I can’t because you don’t love me.” Yoongi said simply, finally turning his head to look at you. “Not really.”

“You don’t know how I feel Yoongi.” he just chuckled, pulling out a smoke and lighting it up.

“You’re right. I don’t know how you feel Y/N. But I do know what love is. And what you have isn’t it.” he paused, contemplating his next words.

“Love isn’t that easy to come about,” Yoongi explained with a sigh of smoke, standing from the bed to languidly pace around the room. 

“We aren’t in a John Green novel or a 90′s rom com. Love is insatiable. Love in the real world isn’t like the Disney fantasies that’ve perpetuated everyone into believing that you can fall in love in a short period of time. Love is-” Yoongi stopped his movement, turning to look into your eyes from across the room. His lips pulled up into a half-smile as the cigarette hung between his teeth.

“Love is raw. Love grows with time, and patience. You can’t just jump into love. You have to earn it, respect it, and let it grow.” Yoongi moved towards you, his gait slow and each step he took felt like minutes were passing by. Finally, he stood in front of you, your head level with his chest. You looked up at him, the white of your eyes growing red with tears. Yoongi blew out a puff of smoke, extinguishing the half used cig with the tips of his fingers and shoving it in his pocket. He gently cupped your cheeks with his hands, tilting his head as his eyes roamed your face. Yoongi sighed out a laugh, gently biting his lower lip as he shook his head.

“Y’know, I told myself I was never going to fall in love again. And that plan was working just fine until I met you. What I feel isn’t true love, not yet anyways. But it’s enough to know I can’t deny my feelings for you.” his thumbs rubbed your cheeks as he spoke, his gaze never wavering.

“But you, princess, are surely mistaken. You don’t love me. You love the idea of me. The idea of a happy ending after the pain you’ve just been through. An easy way out. Hmm?” Yoongi wiped at the tears that fell down your cheeks, mascara caking onto his thumbs. He gently shushed you, guiding your head to lay against his chest as you hugged him around his middle. Yoongi began to hum, gently rocking you as you cried. 

You cried because he was right. You cried because you were mistaking friendship for love; and everything became clearer once Yoongi said those words. Because what you felt, felt like how you did with Taehyung, only intensified from the newness of the experience. All the blushing, all the nerves and racing heartbeats, came because you had only done those things with past lovers, and with Taehyung. And the idea of Yoongi being in the same realm as Taehyung never crossed your mind, only the thoughts of a potential lover did, spurred on from impatience of finding some semblance of love again to rid yourself of the lingering pain in your heart. Even though Yoongi was more reserved than Taehyung was, both men had that flirty edge to them, and both loved contact. Maybe you had really undermined them and their personalities; they were more alike than you thought. Once you realized this you just cried harder, for not only leading Yoongi on, but for being so stupid as to mistake what you felt for romantic love. Were you really that desperate?

“I’m sorry.” you gasped into his chest.

“It’s okay Y/N. Just let it out.” he coaxed, placing a kiss into your hair. 

“You’re right. You’re always right about how I feel. I’m such a fool.” you sniffled, peering back to look up at Yoongi’s blank face.

“You’re not foolish to want something, Y/N. It’s not foolish to want love, not at all. But that love won’t be with me. Princess, you’re beautiful. Smart. Insightful. You’ll find your Prince Charming eventually. I promise you that. You just need time, that’s all.” he smiled down at you sadly.

“I’m willing to wait.” you tried to give the man a feeling of hope, but he just chuckled.

“I’ll believe you if you can come back to me and say those same words of confession in a year.” he smiled. “I’ve been patient all these years, what’s a couple more added on? I don’t think I’m going to hurt very much anymore, now that I know you.”

“I’m sorry Yoongi. But I do like you, platonically that is, can we still be-”

“Don’t.” Yoongi cut you off, shaking his head slightly. “Don’t say the ‘f’ word yet, because once you say it, everything’s going to change for me.”

“Yoongi…”

“Can I do something? Can I do something before we shift into being just friends? So I don’t regret anything.” Yoongi’s words were ominous, but you nodded anyways. He stared at you with a newfound determination at your approval, his eyes searching yours intently. 

“What’re you waiting for?” you whispered.

“I want to remember every detail of this, so I don’t forget.”

Yoongi nodded once before leaning down to place a kiss on your lips. His lips were firm and warm, the taste of smoke filling your senses as your lips moved against each other. His movements were languid and slow and you wrapped your arms around his neck to relish in the feeling of being kissed again. You felt fingers tug at your hair, angling your face up to give Yoongi better access to your mouth as his tongue gently parted your lips, meeting your tongue with calculated strokes.  There was no rush to the kiss, nor was there any urgency behind it; the two of you were content in just savoring the feeling of warmth spreading through your veins. To savor the feeling of being held with such love and care, of feeling protected and safe within the grasp of another. 

You parted from Yoongi’s lips with a soft gasp, your noses bumping together as you caught your breath. You could’ve sat there and kissed Yoongi for hours, you didn’t want the feelings to end. Yoongi chuckled low in his throat, leaving a peck against your lips.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “That was amazing, and more than I could’ve ever hoped for.”

“Of course,” you whispered.

“Y’know, Taehyung told me about the time you both kissed in middle school, how you were each other’s first kiss.” Yoongi smiled, moving to sit next to you. “Since I figured our friendship is gonna be like yours and Tae’s, we should kiss at least once. That and because I just really wanted to.”

You groaned in horror that Yoongi knew that secret, burying your face in your hands. The mood was completely gone now.

“I’m gonna kill that son-of-a-”

“Easy there tiger,” Yoongi chuckled, “No need to get all worked up. It’s cool.”

“It was supposed to be a secret though.”

“I think it’s cute. Since you’re both still close.” Yoongi admitted and you smiled sheepishly at him.

“Taehyung called me after the Cake launch y’know? Telling me that you were curious about me. He also told me not to hurt you if anything happened between us. He really cares about you, you know that?” Yoongi continued on, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Taehyung…” you paused, trying to come up with the right words to say. “Taehyung means the world to me. He’s been with me through thick and thin.” you admitted.

“And you mean the world to him too.” Yoongi said.

“How long have you known that I didn’t really love you?” you couldn’t help but ask, the curiosity was eating you alive.

“Art walk,” Yoongi shrugged. “You didn’t have that spark, and even though your body language said differently, I think it was because you were nervous. And to be physically intimate like that with a new person always gets pheromones running.”

“Hit it right on the head,” you chuckled. “I wanted to know more about you. I love the way you talk and provoke the mind with your thoughts.”

“That’s an overtly sexual way of saying ‘You have a cool brain, let’s be friends so I can talk to you.’“ you giggled at Yoongi’s bluntness, shaking your head at him.

“You really meant what you said?” you asked.

“About?”

“About me finding love, you think I can?”

Yoongi just smiled, taking your hand into both of his own.

“Well, I never lie. And yes, I do. Like I said, you’re beautiful, smart, an amazing kisser,” Yoongi paused to send you a cheesy wink. “You’ll find love and get your happily ever after. Believe me, you will. Even if it isn’t with me, I’ll still be happy when you finally meet the right person for you, and I expect every single detail when it does happen. And like my mother always said; good things come to those who wait.”

[cantusecho-archive]

(Episode 10.

“Please fight with us.”

I’ll preface this one saying that it was pretty chill for an episode and a lot of things happened that I expected. I’ll get to that though.

But!

To start, it’s right back where the fight between Fudo and Tsubasa was ended. Shem-Ha shows back up, merely annoyed that mere “tools” try to control her lol.

She immediately starts a fight with them however, Maria quickly being the one to provide cover for Tsubasa and her family to get away in the meantime. One thing I found interesting in this fight is that Shem-Ha is using these symbols to summon attacks.

They look exactly like the symbols shown in the first episode where those weird ice sculptures came up?

It makes sense primarily because they were fighting the coffin that belonged to a Custodian/Annunaki and since Shem-Ha is one (despite being in Miku’s body) she can use them as well.

Also, she says that her power isn’t what it used to be due to her current level of “integration” so I assume that means she’s not fully merged with Miku technically? Though she also wonders if it was because she ended up summoning Yggdrasil. I just placed a link to the wikipedia page for it because I am terrible at explaining mythology and possibly what it could mean within Symphogear (since they change things around to fit their story/plot of course). The mythology elements are always fascinating though.

Maria ends up getting one of her chains around Shem-Ha, which immediately catches her attention.

As hinted before, Maria (and Serena too) are more than likely descendants of the Annunaki, specifically Enki as Shem-Ha mentions. Maria, of course, doesn’t know what she’s talking about in terms of Enki so she continues fighting. But her quote here makes me think this is why her and Serena are able to use Airgetlam?

That might not be the case, but we do know that Serena was naturally Attuned to Airgetlam (like Chris and Tsubasa are to their relics) while Maria relies on LiNKER. However, they stated in AXZ that Maria has always had the highest sync rate compared to Kirika and Shirabe and she’s able to use two relics (Gungnir and Airgetlam). These are possible factors of her being a descendant to a Annunaki but it very well may not be.

I also don’t think this makes Maria “not human” or some sort of Annunaki. Being a descendant of powerful beings like that doesn’t mean you have their power residing within you or that she’s suddenly not human. It’s been CENTURIES (putting it lightly) since the Lulu Amel and Annunaki were separated due to the implementation of the Curse of Balal so yeah lol.

But that’s the end of that because Noble Red shows up agaaaaaain.

And they’re a lot stronger than before.

Now, honestly, if I saw the title of this episode before it aired, I would have figured they’d be alive still. The title of this episode is “They Are No Filthy Rustlings” (Crunchyroll translates it as “Not a Crude Color of Rust”) and Noble Red have always been considered “filthy rustlings” basically. So that would have made it much more obvious, plus the summary for the episode was pretty much hinting to them as well.

Despite countless stones being cast against you, you still have a future to pursue. But in the end, your struggles only lead to a permanent and undeniable fate.

The kindness you knew causes your despair to ring through the stairway to heaven. Far above and far away, you look upwards to the refuge where you should have been standing. The deed committed is no evil, but simply the despair brought upon you by some illogical force.

But it wasn’t translated before the airing, or I didn’t see it until after the airing, so yeah. Lol. Point being; I’m kinda glad they’re alive because if they were seriously killed off in such a (honestly) dumb way in episode 9, I would be been like “well that was a waste”. 

So, in retrospect, I’m glad they got “revived” so to speak, but more on that later.

These peeps locked up Fudo behind like three cells/rooms whatever you’d like to call them and I’m like “will this be able to hold him” since he’s ridiculously strong. But for now, guess he’s resigned to his fate. 

And Yatsuhiro actually did end up dying. Now, this is nothing against Yatsuhiro as a character, but I personally am glad he died. And I say this because plot wise, because after everything that happened with Tsubasa in episode 9 and the moment between him and her? If he didn’t die, it would have felt like his “sacrifice” would have been a waste and just something for dramatic and emotional effect. I don’t think it would have held impact if he actually lived, and I am glad they went through with it.

Of course it sucks for Tsubasa but I hope this means that she will be able to fly free, just like he wanted her to. (STILL NEED TO KNOW IF HER SECOND SONG IS IN RELATION TO HIM LIKE I AM ASSUMING BUT NO TRANSLATIONS YET FUDGE).

Unfortunately, due to all the investigations, Tsubasa wasn’t able to make it to his funeral so there was a timeskip in here somewhere.

But one of the sweetest moments come; Hibiki and Tsubasa reuniting. Thing about this is that technically, everyone else has seen Tsubasa since the moment she took Miku away (even if it was on screen for Chris, Kirika and Shirabe) but Hibiki hasn’t. During all the events in episode 9, she was away from HQ at her father’s house, in the dark of what was happening.

So when they meet back up, it’s clear (to me) that Tsubasa is feeling guilt for her actions because...who wouldn’t be? Hibiki admits that she feels a bit messed up because she doesn’t know what to think, but she tells Tsubasa that’s she happy that she’s back, which surprises Tsubasa.

Again, I think Tsubasa reacting this way is because she didn’t think that after everything she’s done, even if it was due to her being manipulated, she could be forgiven that easily. But of course, everyone is there for her and to welcome her back because clearly they’d never turn their backs on her.

Hibiki asks her to fight with them, but she’s so hesitant and unsure of doing it again, perhaps not trusting herself of her actions, but Hibiki grabs her hand anyway before she could get too far and then Elfnein welcomes her back home.

Not gonna lie: I was hoping they’d hug her SO BAD. Me and my friend were watching it together and literally our messages to each other during this scene was us screaming “HUG HER” lmao. It was still a sweet scene regardless though.

I’ve seen some comparisons of this scene with the scene of Hibiki, Chris and Tsubasa during episode 10 I believe??? where they all join hands. Of course it took Tsubasa a while to accept Hibiki’s hand in the first season, so seeing something like this again on another level just makes you think of how far they’ve come in their friendship. Tsubasa and Hibiki don’t interact much unfortunately so it’s just nice to see how far along their friendship has come along.

AND ALSO THE PROMISE: Ogawa asks Hibiki to not allow Tsubasa to be alone back in the first season, and Hibiki saying to “stay with her” and to “fight together” is almost like a reminder of it. At least to me anyway gdfhdgjfgjfgjfh. Tsubasa even thanks Hibiki again later on in the episode in a small scene and how Hibiki holding her hand made her happy. ACK. Let me move on.

Shem-Ha, along with Noble Red, are hiding down within Yggdrasil that’s not too far from the Kazanari compound and we actually get a picture of what Shem-Ha looked like in her own body.

It seems she’s trying to gather herself together? My friend believes that Miku is a temporary vessel until Shem-Ha is able to get her own body back together, which would be nice and mean that Miku won’t be stuck within her for so long and they could just punch the shizz out of Shem-Ha in her own body but there’s no telling lol.

But flashbaaaaack:

So Shem-Ha pretty much did kill Noble Red, but it seems as if her power alone was able to make them fully be reborn as monsters. So, they’re no longer incomplete beings, teetering between being humans and monsters.

So what this means for them is that they can never have their dream realized of being human again as they are completely monsters now, which is why they are stronger. This isn’t what any of them wish to hear, so Elsa and Millaarc begin to cry while Vanessa laments over them never being able to connect with others again, saying they have been alone due to everything that’s happened to them and what they’ve been made into.

Shem-Ha instead offers them to serve her instead as she vows to get rid of loneliness and estrangement and she intends to do that by returning the world back to how it was 5,000 years ago.

Also, she makes these.

She uses the viles that normally are used for the alchemists to transport themselves away. Since she was talking about 5,000 years in the past, I really believed that these were going to transport them literally 5,000 years in the past XDDDD. Buuuuuut....

The lunar ruins were activated due to the energy from Yggdrasil, and so they plan to send a special US team there to investigate instead of the Gear users. So they are tasked with the mission of protecting it during its launching period as they figured that Noble Red would be intending to do something with the moon after Shem-Ha mentioned the Curse of Balal around Genjuro and the others earlier in the episode.

So they do indeed attack, but once again they are much stronger now. Elsa starts fighting Shirabe and Kirika and she has A LOT to say haha. She even says the title of the episode (as it’s translated by CR)

But I think this shows why I am finding them fascinating/interesting. Elsa, due to her newfound abilities, managed to destroy the rocket without much issue.

She then proceeds to explain how cut off they were from humanity because of what humanity ended up doing to them. 

Elsa was experimented on by the Bavarian Illuminati after multiple of her own family members were taken or kidnapped.

Millaarc was merely visiting another country before she was taken by a hunting group and then proceeded to get experimented on by the Illuminati. 

Vanessa has always worked with the Illuminati, but due to her accident, it left her nearly dead and they reconstructed her as an android probably for curiosity sake and experimented on her to see how she’d be effective after it all.

All of this forced them into some sort of seclusion as they were deemed failures and yet it wasn’t even their fault for becoming what they became; a failed mixture of monsters and humans. They had to rely on blood for their survival and was seen as nothing but failure experiments that only wanted to be returned back to normal.

So Elsa is saying that if she knew her fate was going to be a true monster in the end, she would have liked to never have known kindness so she wouldn’t end up being so frustrated with their new forms and heavy desire to go back to being human.

Now I admit; I like Noble Red. I am enjoying them being different compared to the alchemists or past villains. I was glad they were considerably weaker than past enemies and that they weren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. You could say the same for the others, but they were willing to do what they were told just so they could become human again.

This doesn’t excuse their actions, and I am not looking for them to be redeemed. I pity them, but to me, they don’t seem like the type that will go back now. At least, that’s what I hope. I like that they aren’t really that receptive to everyone’s attempt at offering help (which only happened twice honestly; episode 4 and this episode, 10).

And now they seem to resigned to their fate to be used and staying as monsters that it’s probably why Vanessa agreed to serve Shem-Ha.

I can’t really explain what I mean but all I’m saying is that I like them and wanting to write as Millaarc is really a thing. Lmao.

MOVING ON ONCE AGAIN---

Kirika and Shirabe get their duet this episode, aka their Zababa duet (called Cutting Edge X2 Ready go!) with their songs being played together. I assumed they would this episode since it made the most sense and what better way to top it off than with their Amalgam’s as well (which again, would make sense so lmao. Knocking two things out with one stone).

But I admit, I am really loving how the Amalgam’s look. I probably mentioned it before but I love their sleek looks and them not having armor just sticking out on them makes it look better in my opinion.

I know people miss the Ignite Module (I’m still one of those that don’t) but the risk/reward system, if implemented correctly, can be good for Amalgam as well. The keywords state that the shields that surround them can be used for defense, but if they convert that energy, it can be used for offense.

Ignite Module seemed a bit too lenient on that in my opinion; it gave them a boost in power but was supposed to have that time limit to stop them. However, if they never left the first stage, they’d literally have 999 seconds to defeat the enemy. Depending on the enemies strength of course, it could very well be dangerous but I mean...meh. I like having consequences for a power that’s considered OP or whatever. Lol. Or at least a real risk/reward system.

Brief excerpt from the Amalgam keyword---

Upon activation, it instantly releases the energy that composes the Symphogear and reforms it into a golden "cocoon," a first stage that gives the user a far more powerful barrier field (and that consumes far more energy) than normal. Next, the energy is reformed into a high-output armed gear, reorganizing into into an "imago" that serves as a second stage.

Put simply, it causes an extreme disbalance between defensive and offensive parameters. In the "cocoon" stage, defensive ability is greatly raised while attack power is greatly hampered. In the "imago" stage, attack power is greatly raised while defensive power is greatly hampered.

As a result, the number of situations where this ability is useful is limited.

I just find it more interesting (and better looking) than the Ignite Module. Now will the show implement this just as well as they “implemented” the weakness of the Ignite Module? More than likely not, but that’s what writing is for ha.

So, Shirabe and Kirika use their Amalgam’s and actually managed to defeat Elsa with it. Technically, even if no side is really the winner, Vanessa is content on them being stopped from going to the moon and she pulls out one of those viles from earlier that Shem-Ha messed around with. We can assume they were going to transport somewhere on their own but Tsubasa comes to ruin that.

This just speaks to me of Tsubasa still feeling guilt (again, as I mentioned earlier, makes sense since it won’t simply disappear just because she doesn’t have that seal anymore) so she’s literally ready to do whatever it takes to make up for them.

Honestly, this part made me nervous because I was worried if she was going to end up being teleported alone without the others. But luckily, everyone gets transported to...wherever.

My initial thoughts was them going back 5,000 years ago, because the bridge then begins to panic slightly for not being able to locate the Gear users anywhere on the entire planet.

Like that would have been insane. 

But nope. Instead, after the credits, it’s shown that they are now on the moon in the Lunar Ruins.

So now I assume these last three episodes are going to just take place in space. Lmao. I assume Chris and Maria will be using their Amalgam’s during this point as well so we can expect that.

Plus, and this is random, there are still four songs to be announced. Each blu ray DVD comes with a bonus CD that carries two songs. There’s six volumes in total and four of the bonus CDs have been revealed already. The one that’s going to be paired with Carol’s song on volume 4 is going to be Kirika/Shirabe’s songs I’m fairly certain (just doesn’t update until Friday haha) but there’s two more bonus CDs to be announced, which leaves four songs.

Not sure if they’ll be having four new songs in three episodes or doing what they did in GX, where they announced Hibiki and Miku’s duet for example after the season was done airing.

But regardless, this feels like crunch time. Three episodes left and everyone is stuck on the moon/Lunar Ruins? 

Well, guess Kirika and Shirabe got their wish lmao.)

[renatedagmarmilada]

phone rang, woke me out of my stupor, out of my weariness…dozing off, the nightmares were constant.. Yes, terse,tense, sharp, tired… later they called it a breakdown, though it is artificially created from a machine,used on countless elderly people, unfortunate enough to land in hospitals without mercy by unscrupulous researchers, pressing on the brain at angles, this crying even at the thought of catching the bus to College, with the youngest sitting quietly at her side on the floor all day instead of being at school, quiet support for each other, the only support… the machine at the rogue lab had been switched to full intensity. Anyone they got onto their books, without consent or knowledge, accidentally or through the system, were put through the total ordeal, a total breakdown, the full macoy. With all the not new, but little known technology, they could watch people in their homes and amuse themselves and no one stopped them or protested. Kill at will. How could they? There was no way to catch them, the law has not yet been changed to include all these new crimes. Research, the dominant system of the world. It was interesting for them, gave them something to do and high wages paid from taxes. They destroyed not fixed- they added laughingly. Theirs, the British version of Camp Five…

Police. We have your son here… What? Your son was caught shop lifting.. Oh God, you are joking aren’t you… No. He was laughing, actual laughter in his voice. It seemed incredulous, how can anybody be laughing when our life was shattered.   That happy, well functioning family..some years ago, moving house, yes, at her wishes, to the best street in the town, a neighbour over the back garden had even given them a children’s book; inscribed.. ‘We have enjoyed watching the antics of a happy family.’ Here and now there was another part of this ongoing nightmare. Well, ‘spose it does sound daft, why else would he be ringing after all.  The police had more to do than ring unsuspecting strangers as a joke. Can you come and fetch him.. Damn! Can’t he get home on his own? It’s nine thirty. I don’t want to tell him I am tired to the bone.. Explanation.  Police jargon Why they must and why I must. I feel like screaming, he was big enough to get into trouble, he’s big enough to get himself out of it.  Give him a kick up the arse. Wearily I trudge down to the Police Station, twenty minutes brisk walk, mind racing,  whirling, and the eternal question, why me, why us, mine, peace, give me peace, didn’t we have enough before..here too for God’s sake? The lad at the desk is pink faced. This is a policeman? He wouldn’t frighten me and I was reared to fear, had run crazily when as a child at my Bavarian Children’s Home, I had once seen a policeman with gun on his back and could not stop running, the nuns had never realised why….. how could he frighten these youngsters who have no respect for any authority .. Is this going to be embarrassing? No, things have been so bad, it is somehow part of an overall nightmarish pattern. He’s stolen some brand jeans. I can’t help thinking, stupid blighter, if I were going to pinch some jeans, I’d be a bit clever about it – however, I stifle the thought quickly. Dishonesty mustn’t even be thought, never mind acted. Later at the Station .. How could you do this to your poor mother boy?

Inspector, his father doesn’t pay anything, never comes to visit havn’t seen him since he walked out soon after we got to this city, a year a two ago now, and the stuff at the Council Clothes Store is grotesque.  Row upon row of identical cheap clothes, pink sweaters for the girls, pale blue for the boys with identical patterns, the same maroon anorak for everybody, measured out by council ladies, who like a tight fit.  Every kid with a single mum in the city wearing the same ……….Benefits doesn’t run to jeans…………. I’m trying to pay the mortgage on a Student’s Grant, keep some stability…. I should have said, but the crisp uniform stopped me, the fear welling. The lab had tuned him, the man I loved since thirteen years old, it’s called energy deplacement, easy enought to understand, only semi secret, used on the Prince and Princess to separate them, tuned him to leave our twenty three year marriage to find himself.. a Psychiatrist who was unhappy in his marriage, transferring his own wishes to that of the victim… Later at College, with a lot of support from the young students for their mature artist comrade, more than from the lecturers, wrote: ‘Why doesn’t society have a trap door, a place to send lone mothers and their unwanted burdensome children, so that society can look clean and sweet.’ But then, the Head of Human Research had been known for her sticky fingers in the past, so why were they watching some poor lad?

[whiskeystained-a]

miss congeniality sentence meme ** change pronouns, etc to fit your muse!

"wimp!” “yep. the three stooges.” “this broad’s got two asses.” “i really love this borscht.” “that is one really, really purple russian!” “his victims didn’t get a chance to choke on a peanut!” “you’re not killing anyone, you peanut eating bastard.” “how’s your head, my little broski?” “i shouldn’t have moved!” “you made a choice. it was wrong, but that’s it. it’s over.” “by the way, you look like hell.” “is this you not arguing? cause you suck at it.” “no i get these made special by the same guy that put the tattoo on my ass.” “i forgot the alamo.” “i got a cousin in texas.” “not unless it’s the miss lamaze pageant.”  “yeah, right, in a thong.” “in a tasteful one piece!” “i don’t even own a dress, i don’t even own a brush.” “what part of that is supposed to shock me?” “damn right. the spinning, the twirling, the smiling. the cute little tap number.” “i don’t know, man. she’s got a lot of rage.” “so join the marines.” “my god, can you really be this superficial.” “hard to believe, right?” “especially without their knowledge!” “if you are ( muse name ) i quit here and now.” “yeah kinda having a bad hair day. hair decade, really.” “you like caps?” “it is always yes, never yeah. sit down.” “have i offended you in some way?” “i haven’t seen a walk like that since jurassic park.” “it’s not the bloody ice capades.” “because i’m preparing to run away!” “it takes a very secure man to walk like that.” “it’s all in the buttocks! don’t i look pretty!?” “hey hey! i’m gliding here! asshole.” “when she gets there, he’s gonna take one look at that fake rack and send her back.” “look, she’s gonna cry again.” “oh! if i only had a brain!” “i am somewhat less than amused.” “with some work she’ll be ready for the world’s finest trailer park.” “both painful and grotesque, isn’t it.” “hopefully remove the beer stains and steak residue.” “as long as it doesn’t say thank you very much for the country music award.” “yeah, well, my iq just dropped ten points.” “i am in a dress, i have gel in my hair, i haven’t slept all night, i am starved, and i’m armed. don’t. mess with me.” “my god, i’m good.” “operation thong has commenced.” “why don’t you stun gun yourself.” “one little mistake, and i’m a bloody bellhop.” “washington -- nice apples.” “she’s obviously been drinking too much coppertone.” “yeah, i’m talkin’ to you -- i’m lookin’ at you.” “at least she thinks i’m funny.” “i wake up every morning, look in the mirror and say who is that old (man/woman) wearing my pajamas?” “don’t cry for me ... alabama.” “OH JESUS CHRIST! sorry, i had a bite of my bagel and i forgot to pray.” “they slammed their doors when i said chocolate. they didn’t give me a chance to say fat free!” “excuse me! i am in the middle of a rem cycle over here!” “no armored car?” “that would be in my other dress.” “this (man/woman) has no talent!” “listen to me, you old fruit cake.” “how dare you, you cupcake!” “you are not having sex on this stage.” “i know, you think i’m gorgeous.” “what’s her talent, bar tending?” “of course he had a gun. it’s texas. everyone has a gun. my florist has a gun.” “i don’t have a gun. my ancestors were quakers.” “what’s the other seventy percent, cleavage?” “i would so love to hurt you right now.” “you have sarcasm and a gun!” “i am a miserable, grumpy, old elitist. and that works for me.” “none of your damn business, that’s why.” “you look good wet.” “those better be candy dishes.” “it’s for the little baggies under your eyes.” “oh, good, hairspray, something i recognize.” “it stops the suit from riding up!” “that would be harsher punishment for parole violators. . . and world peace.” “that was charming. are you drunk?” “glad you enjoyed it. now if you’ll excuse me i have to go unscrew my smile.” “hey, listen to me, sparky.” “well, leg waxing. fake orgasms. the inability of men to commit.” “what, you want me to beat it out of her?” “uh, it’s light beer, and she’s gonna throw it up anyway.” “i’ll sit here with my very large, very cheesy pizza.” “first step pizza, second step flaming batons.” “i guess we’ll be needing some more pizza.” “this is my third one of these and i don’t feel a thing!” “don’t worry about that, we all suck.” “no wonder you’re still a virgin.” “speaking of illegal, have you ever committed a crime?” “one time, i stole red underwear from the department store.” “my mother wouldn’t buy them for me! she said they were satan’s panties!” “ --- anyway, he attacked me.” “(he/she)’s just got a boot up (his/her) ass about something!” “(he/she) threw a chair out the window!” “why don’t you jump on (him/her) dressed like a bavarian fruit cake!?” “where are you getting your information from, a pajama party?” “betrayal implies an action, you just stood there!” “part of the job is following orders!” “the other part of the job is using your brain!” “take the rule book and just throw it out the window!” “i like the rule book! i like knowing what i can and cannot do!” “don’t do that! that slow creepy thing in the shadows! (name) used to do that!” “you’re a genius.” “no, i’m just pissed off.” “if i ever had a child, i imagine they’d be somewhat like you. which is perhaps why i’ve never reproduced.” “maybe (he/she) couldn’t take the pressure. (he/she) ate four slices last night!” “i overslept my beauty sleep.” “which one of these is, uh, lipstick?” “i forgot my breasts, hold on i’ll be back.” “that was incredibly stupid of me.” “oh, shit.” “that must’ve hurt.” “not even a traffic ticket. model citizen, beauty contestant, pageant director, loving (mom/dad.)” “a sniveling, obsequious, weasel of a human being.” “(his/her) assistant (name)? asshole (name)?” “you ate pizza, you stole panties, you’re a wild woman.” “wait a minute, i’m not with him with him it’s not like that.” “come on, muffin!” “(he/she) certainly lit my fire.” “what, disgusting perverted (name)?” “you’re drinking my talent!” “i once saw a girl who rearranged furniture.” “that and a right hook.” “oh, (he/she)’s kicking (his/her) ass!” “we’ll be back with our final five lesbians. err, interviews.” “can we say lesbians?” “you got a problem with that?” “terrific answer. damnit.” “my god. i did it.” “and if anyone tries to hurt one of my new friends, i would take them out. i would make them suffer so much that they’d wish they were never born. and if they ran, i would hunt them down.” “a brief shining moment and then that mouth.” “yes. wear the crown. be the crown. you are the crown.” “i was right in the middle of my song! and there was this big explosion!” “where you’re going, i’m sure they’d love to meet a former beauty queen.” “yeah, he means m-e-a-t.” “when i met you, dennis rodman looked better in a dress! but now you’re a lady!” “you know what you’re under arrest, get in the car.” “you got a really good shot at that insanity plea.” “twenty five years of bitching beauty queens and what do i get? FIRED!” “get it, the women’s correctional facility?” “i don’t know, maybe we could have dinner?” “no, just a casual dinner.” “if we happen to have sex afterwards, so be it.” “you think i’m gorgeous, you wanna date me.” “and i’m suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.” “that’s funny, me, too.”

[chaotic-carnifex]

"I’m not sure just how accurate that comparison is considering the vast size difference between the US and, say, the “Federal Republic of Germany”, idk if there’s enough of a cultural divide between each German state like there is between US states. "

I'm stuck between crying and laughing. A Swabian will kill you for mistaking them with a Bavarian, a Frisian and a Hamburger are just as likely to hate each other as they are to team up against the Southerners, Berliner think they're Hot Shit and also don't you dare mention Prussians in the South.

The Federal Republic of Germany was quite possibly the worst example you could have used bc regionalism is A Really Big Deal historically. Like yeah all of Germany together would comfortably fit into Texas like 3 times but the regional differences are huge. I can't even describe it, you just. Need to have grown up here holy shit. I literally have no words for How Big of a Deal we make of this even though our country is so small in the grand scheme of things.

Anyway if you’re from the US and you ever wanted to know what tumblr feels like from a non-USAmerican perspective (please note that the rest of the world is not a monolith either and none of these apply without exception):

Everybody’s talking about brands and stores you’ve never seen in real life. You generally assume they exist, but they might as well be one giant prank the rest of the internet is in on.

You find a post that just sounds wrong. It makes no sense. It’s like OP lives in a weird alternate reality. 9/10 times, it’s just some USAmerican Thing.

You’re still not entirely sure how much an inch is. Or a foot. Or even how many of the former there are in the latter. You maybe know your height in feet and inches.

You have no idea how much a pound is. You’d also like to know how the fuck pound shortens to lbs.

What the fuck is “military time”

Somebody talks about some legal process or something similar. They don’t mention which country’s legal system this pertains to. You know anyway.

People talk about politics. None of it pertains to you. Many posts contain guilt tripping. “How can you not care about this?? Why won’t you reblog this?? People need to know this about x candidate for y position!” You’re busy trying to stay on top of the political landscape in your own country.

You pick up some random slang from the internet. Monkey see monkey do. You’re called racist. You didn’t know it was AAVE. You learnt it from black letters on white background, not from the mouths of people whose faces you could see. How would you have known? You try to unlearn it.

People tell you that you must publicly denounce Chick-fil-A or you’re homophobic. You don’t even know what a Chick-fil-A is.

People say you don’t know LGBTQ+ history. What they mean is you don’t know USAmerican LGBTQ+ history. Nobody cares about your country’s history.

You’re “called out” on using an “offensive” term. It’s (a direct translation of) a completely harmless word where you live.

People expect you to have an idea of how far apart 2 USAmerican states are. You barely know geography past your country’s immediate neighbors.

You randomly switch between British and American spellings. Nothing’s real and there are no rules.

People talk about multiple hour car rides and you get twitchy just thinking about it. You suddenly understand why USAmerican cars are so big.

Somebody talks about school shooting drills. You only ever had fire alarm drills.

You see a cool statistic. The study’s only about the US. It’s unfortunately of no use to you.

People misuse/misspell words and names from your native language. It’s tiring.

(You feel sorry for the French. Nobody should be allowed to mangle the word déjà vu like that.)

You’re still not over the fact that USAmerican school children are supposed to say that pledge thing every morning. You’re never getting over that.

You still don’t know why the men are fresh or what the fuck a sophomore is.

Who the fuck pays up first and then fills up gas??? That’s made up, right??

Everybody has a weird obsession with some comfort food you’d never even heard of before you signed up here.

Fellow non-USAmericans, please add anything else you can think of.

[scotgmeyer]

Germany Beer Journal

Beer journal

DAY 1: Augustina - Pilsner (hell) a at Mokkacino

Next was a weibier. Larger and a bit darker. The beers here are $3 it’s ridiculous.

Each glass here has a fill line on it - I guess so bar tenders don’t cheat their customers. So great.

I’m at this bar and they are playing all of these American hits. And then nickleback comes on, lol. It’s amazing.

Bar tender speaks 0 words of English. I’ve not encountered a language barrier so bad ever I don’t think. In Italy I could speak enough to get by. Same in Costa Rica. Canada speaks English obviously. But this woman speaks no English and doesn’t understand my horrendous attempts at speaking a few words of German based on what I have looked up on google translator. Lol.

I’m finishing the night with an espresso in hopes that it keeps me up until past 9:30 so I can get on the right sleep schedule. At this bar that means nespresso, lol. Still good.

I asked for a glass of water to drink with my beer and she didn’t understand why I would possibly want that. It requires that I point at the faucet and a glass 3-4 times before she was willing to oblige and fill a beer glass with water. Far cry from California where most places keep a pitcher of water on the table.

Day 2: beer 3 - backerei konditorei cafe schmuck

After walking about 12 miles, I stop in the town of Grassau before heading back to my hotel to get a coffee and a snack. Being Germany, that means a pretzel, a mini apple streusel pastry and a beer. This time I opted for a Weizen Hell which seems like it equates to a heifeweizen back in the states. A wheat beer of sorts that is still pretty light.

Coffee is a thing here but it’s not super strong and it seems like just another substitute for water, similar to how they drink beer. Still flabbergasted that a half liter of beer costs 3€ here. The beer is smooth and not hoppy at all like American craft beers that have gotten popular in past 10 years

Beer 4 and 5: Dinner at WEbnerhof Hotel

After initially setting out to walk back into Grassau for dinner, i decide to eat at the hotel instead because a number of cars pulled into the parking lot as I walked out and I realized that I wanted some authentic bravarian food anyway, so that was probably a great bet. It was.

Again, no english whatsoever but I just picked some random items on the menu that looked like soup and wiener shnitzel and went with it. One was a soup with vegetables and two large beef meatballs. After a coldish rainy day, it was delicious.

I started off with an Austeiner Pilsner, similar to my first beer the night before. This seems to be the go-to light beer in this region and I think possibly their replacement for drinking water. Not that its not good, but its very lite and doesn’t seem to have a ton of alcohol in it. Highly drinkable.

With my shnitzel (served straight out of the fryer - awesome and hot) i had a Weibner Hell’s, a golden wheat beer. These are my favorite.

At dinner I sat and observed the people around me, some fo them probably making fun of the fact that I was here eating and drinking alone. I also had my kindle with me so spent time reading The Obstacle is The Way. Looking to finish 3 books on this trip!

NOw waiting in the lobby for the taxi to come grab me to take me to the next town which I think is a ski town where I take the lift up to the top to get started. Just walked in the door so we’re off. Here we go! Day 3 (hike day 2).

Beer 6: about 3/4 of the way through my hike today I stopped at a little mid mtn chalet for a beer and a coffee. The place was amazing. It made me want to come skiing in Europe even more than I already do. The restaurant probably could fit 50-75 people. Being summer/shoulder season there were only 5 of us there - they are still offering the full menu and fully staffed. It’s awesome. You get the sense that many of the owners of restaurants, businesses, bars here take a great deal of pride in their work, presumably because they are family businesses. I sipped my beer sloppy, downed my coffee while I admired the view and read The Obstacle is The Way (Ryan Holiday) on my kindle. Btw I think this beer was hoffbrahaus beer which was a lighter Pilsner like beer.

Beer 7: hells down in Ruhpolding. After arriving in down slightly dehydrated and a bit tired, I found my hotel, showered, and set out for a snack. I settled on a bakery across the way and got a shot of espresso, a pretzel, and a donut with peach filling. All pretty fire. I then proceeded to walk around the town. Ruhpolding was definitely more happening than the other towns I’d been through and it seemed more akin to a normal mtn town with majority of the businesses being focused on activity or dining/drinking. Still no Americans.

I think that has been something I’ve realized about this trip. Traveling solo is great when you know you can go out and meet new people anywhere. It’s more difficult and perhaps a bit lonelier when you go out and no one around understands you or can really communicate with you. Nonetheless I am really enjoying having my time to read and recharge. Just getting over the jet lag I think and hopefully tonight will be a great night’s sleep.

After my pretzel and espresso and pastry I explore town a bit and checked into a few stores to see if anything cool to take away as a souvenir. Nothing really to be had. So I continued on to another coffee shop, bought a full cup of coffee, pulled out my kindle and read my book more. This coffee place felt more like a big Starbucks with a modern aesthetic and quick drink service. I drank my coffee out on the patio which was situated right off a roundabout that seemed like the main intersection in town. It looked out on the mountains and the direction that I think I’m headed for my hike tomorrow. After finishing my coffee I decided to walk around a bit more and explore some shops. That was short lived and I returned to my same seat on the patio and ordered a beer - this one a hells. This is a light type of beer too and fine but not anything special. I think I’ve determined that I like the hefe or weißers - similar to a hefeweizen back in the US.

Beer 8 and 9: people don’t write reviews in Germany so it’s tough to really know which food places, bars, restaurants are going to be good. I decided to wander into Janos, a Hungarian Bavarian place a few steps from my hotel with big wooden tables and more people than any of the other bars. I made the right order this time....a weißer. I also ordered goulash and a grilled meat plate to stock up on some protein. I’m still more than a week out and I’m already looking forward to vegetables when I get Home. That said, I’m loving living the Bavarian diet for right now - beer, meat, potatoes, pretzels, pastries. When hiking 10-12 miles a day I guess that works and you don’t get fat. We’ll see if I’m still feeling fit in a week. Currently sitting at the table in Janos considering #10 of the trip. Why not, right?

Okay. I went for #10. I just asked for whatever the guy recommended. He didn’t’ really have an opinion and answered with “beer is beer, right?” He must not have been German. THe one I ordered was the closest thing I’ve had to an American beer and you could maybe even taste a little bit of hoppy ness in it. Anyway, by this point in the night I’m four large beers deep so I don’t have a ton else to say about that one. I just enjoyed it while reading my book and waiting for a group of attractive Americans/Italians/Brits/Australians/etc etc to walk through the door and be looking for another English speaker to chat with. DIdn’t happen. ;)

———

Today is now Saturday. First fall Saturday I won’t have watched any college football in a long time. Interesting to think about that. I am currently sitting on the balcony of my hotel in Inzel, Germany with a cup of tea and looking out at the mountains. Not a beer entry, and I haven’t had one so far yet today. Not sure if I will? Okay I probably will. I did partake in the German tradition of afternoon Coffee and Cake which is great. Inzel is a super small town. Walking around it felt like most of the restaurants were closed for the season. Anyway, I was looking for a place to hunger down and get a coffee and a baked good - neither of the other two in the “center of town” (haha I say that in quotes because there are legit like 10 buildings with open businesses in the center of town) just didn’t resonate. The cakes looked too much frosting and to be honest, I was kind of looking for someone who might speak english. By the time I walked upon this place I was just ready to get something and this had tables outside where I could sit and listen to some podcasts so that was great. I went in and the girl asked me, in German, “for here or to go?” Naturally I had no idea wtf she said so I kind of just looked at her and then muttered “no speichen de Deutsch”. She responded “oh, for here or to go?”. Awesome when people can transition that quickly. I’m going to try to get to do that with Spanish. Anyway, her english was great and it honestly boosted my spirits just peaking with someone who could understand the words I was saying. I complemented her on her English and she seemed to brush it off like “okay, whatever, thanks weirdo.

It also comes across as a biking town as people are riding around all sorts of bikes. Road bikes, mtn bikes, BMX bikes. Really cool culture around that. Also when i walked into town my legs were still feeling great so I walked over to the speed skating arena in town which is supposed to be an incredible world class training facility for the sport. I peaked in the window and could tell that there were some elite athletes training there. Wonder if it was the national team or any olympians. You can tell an elite athlete by how they move and the dillegence with which they warm up. Especially in speed/ endurance sports like that.

The hotel I”m staying at is a boutique. This kind of thing would crush it in Jackson hole or Ketchum or any mountain town in the US with a bit of a bougie customer contingent. They have what looks like a nice restaurant and a sauna and great views of the mountains. I need to figure out where the skiing is here though, kind of confused by whether there is a lot of downhill or if most of it is cross country skiing and other winter sports. ANyway, signing off now to continue reading my books. Before I do that though I’m actually going to start a travel tips entry. Might post that one publicly too actually. DInner will be my next decision (get to make all by myself! Let’s go! Benefits of solo travel!)

[anunchainedwoman-blog]

Post-Truth Poem

Its always good

to remember where you came from

who made you come

who took your come from you

with force.

Who was it that turned

you out of bed that day?

who turned their back, or

head, or closed their door

quick enough not to catch

their own fingers in the trap

of your door-jam-

Damn!

latch

yourself to your home

and swim when she starts

to sail away from her

make a boat from her

butt and hold her when

she is a ship astride

washed up, ashore

unsure, stood standing rotting

like a splintered hull held

in your arms whilst she crys.

Thank Warshan again

for that image.

The feeling that things are gonna change, that

things have got to now, right?

that its all got to now

that its got too much, too

high all the time on drip

fed news from the Beep

don’t trust them you drip

anything you read

or any of the ‘fake news media’

you Medea, clever Conway mediator and her

con-man

Her dick

tater stupid as a potato

a french fried fucking

Do I need to say it again?

A wotsit.

A daughterfucking

whatshisname again minor

greying beige B-list

celebrity, see list is he even

on the invite list man?

can you even see him for

what he really is?

Funny that

you can’t wrap your head around me not

wanting to be a big spoon. like you can’t

stick your dick into something you are unsure of

like you can’t get a blowjob from someone

who is cleverer than you

or who knows more about star wars

do you care about the crimes committed

or the times I cried in toilet cubicles because

going back outside means pulling back up

my trousers and pushing it all

back down deep inside.

Like you can’t fit

your big old head

into the fact I was born

with a dick and raised like it

was natural for boys to play with dolls

or girls to have a different bodymap

than all the others in the locker room

I can’t tell you how damaged I am

by how many times I’ve held my piss in

not wanting to wee

where people can hear me

hiss or worse hear that

because I don’t tinkle, I spray from my

pinkie I don’t hiss I just sprinkle

and I am very self concious about it.

I’ll rarely pee in public

unless some kind soul has sat

outside Jim Dickinson

the chancellor of my Uni’s union

to protest getting gender neutral policymaking and

agenda-neutral public restroom situations.

Jesus is it that hard?

I was born a boy and raised

and fucked with and once

I fucked like boys did, and I fucked boys

that wanted to be made to feel like

I understood them, inside and out

which I did, more than they

ever knew, as I blew them behind

the bus stop.

What you can’t fit

in your tiny bigoted head

is my point-

you are a train

a dry, orange desert

parched

You should hang

around with black kids more, Trump

they will teach you so much

about good hair and how to make a wig look

at least realistic, or better yet, fucking drop-dread gorgeous

If you stop killing black children

and repealing black trans women’s rights

and letting the systematic deportation of anyone

you disagree with

carry on

if you stop building walls and start thinking about shield

ing the very people who came out in force to vote against you

but yet you still swore, and held your hand on the book

you think your god wrote

to lie, or at least, to say

that you would help us kids

Maybe if you could do that, they’ll offer you a palm

of palmer’s cocoa butter. But to use for peace,

to soothe the wounds of the world

to rehdryate relationships between us

as one planet-wide state

If you could stop that juggernaut

that follows you. That train

palm held out only for oil

or Russian

hookers, paid to pee on you

whilst you jerk off on the ex-Prez’s

bedsheets. You freak.

You don’t deserve to be in my poetry.

Whose pocket do you

come into? When you cry out

“Honey, I’m home!”

into whose pillow do you moan

that you are coming

cumming with one finger

is the best way, right?

try it some time.

Try to slide your fingers, or just one

deep into

your pie.

My oh my

poor Miss America, did she ever run

dry as a your desert landscape eyes

so thin you look more stoned than I

and I’m, well... a pariah!

The long arm of the patriarch

chugging along, juggernaut-like

blindly charging head-first

on rails I did not set, on a path

I did not approve but yet

much still be dragged along on

still you trundle on

harrumpfing and gallumpfing

you hideous, humping Trump

out-Trumping the cunt himself.

You are more ironic

than Alanis ever was,

more set in your ways

than the stone commandments you cannot

show me but that you claim

were real

xD

like the words written by men in your books

years ago, said to be spoken

by a God I’ve never heard.

Or if I have heard the voice of God, it was when you said

you wouldn’t hurt me

just before you did.

You are right

to use that term

The Trump Train

Because you are the next stop

you are fake

a fraud news, dude

you are on your way out

with the trash and like a rash

you’ve raised your ugly head one last time

before we part your chicken head

from its overburdened shoulders

I want you to know:

you preside over no state of mine

or my friends, or the wokemyn

or the men, the women, girls and boys

and mancubs that I have come to know

No-

You are no emperor of minds

I have been, and seen, and spoken to them

and they say

you are not from here

you are just as much they as they are

a stranger in your own home

the mirror doesn’t seem to reflect

like it used to

something about it changed when it broke

when it got damaged in the crash

Don’t you dare try to hide your Klu-Klux father

Fake what now?

You make me so

cross myself in fear of

burning crosses and strange fruit.

Is it news to you that

Donald Trump’s grandfather came from Germany

in 1885

stayed alive illegally until he became a citizen

of the U.S. in 1892

he became part of us, and had his son, who had

you. Unfortunately.

Don’t you dare forget he was born

in the Bavarian Kingdoms as

Friedrich

Funny that,

what a name change can do!

And to the poor trans girl whose sister sang

at Trump’s inaguration

I say sorry,

I say sorry that your sister sang for the devil

and you were surprised when he started to dance.

And I hate to bring it up

that old law of Godwin

but one wonders what ither German ideas

did old Trump inherit

from Grandad Freddy and Uncle Sam?

what else was passed on

carried in the dark, crumpled pockets

and redacted, crumpled papers thrown into wastebins

in hideous man-made jeans worn by dads

What legacy do you see the men leaving

in your genes?

It’s always good to remember where you came from.