#the Autistic Kid still has to Perform Gratitude and Fawning for almost TWO FUCKING DECADES | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lurkiestvoid · 5 days ago

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I just realized DST happened apparently?? And also my birthday is this month (fuck). I will not be announcing the date and hopefully will not be mentioning it again other than this One (1) Time bc it fills me with conflicting feelings of Dread and Longing so instead I prefer to just forget the whole concept. one day a year

#you tell your family you like dragons. ONCE.#the first ten years is pretty cool.#after a while it's just “another dragon 😬 cool thanks”#but that's not enough #the Autistic Kid still has to Perform Gratitude and Fawning for almost TWO FUCKING DECADES #before they put their foot down and say ACTUALLY PLEASE DON'T GET ME ANYTHING THANKS. NO NOT EVEN SOCKS.#[i got the socks. they were dragon socks. they thought they were funny]#“But it's about loving and appreciating you enough to give you a gift you should be thankful!!”#ACTUALLY MAYBE IT'S ABOUT CARING ABOUT THE *PERSON.* AND CARING ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO PUT LITERALLY ANY EFFORT IN #anyways i also hate Spotlight so choruses of “Happy Birthday!!! 🥰” is like acid rain on my skin #i just HATE the social expectation that even if you barely know/care about someone #you're Obligated to throw them meaningless materialism and they're Obligated to perform Gratitude #the whole ritual is fucking stupid #and I haven't figured out how to navigate it in a normal way that's somewhere between “NO bdays EVER” and “maybe a *lil* bday”#personal #oh my god i blocked so much of this out. i re-remembered #trying 'fine. cake only NO presents' for a while. and they literally Could Not Do That #'i cant just get you NOTHING' 'you may gift me an empty box if its that important to you???'#'OMG why would i do that?' because the Birthday Person requests No Presents For Their Birthday #and apparently Your Need To Give is more important than the person you're giving it to and what they are comfy with and enjoy?#so No Presents. 'Fine I won't get you anything! here's a gift card to a restaurant you've never heard of / are not interested in'#another present 😬 cool thanks #[i am then insulted for not performing correctly. and must APOLOGIZE by. you guessed it. performing correctly]#anyways i only hate *my* birthday #i have no problem whatsoever with birthdays or others' birthdays and im too poor for material gifts so :)#they get what they get :) but it will still be personalized to the person and their interests :)#bc if i know them/care enough to give them a present on their birthday #im gonna make DAMN sure it's AT LEAST RELEVANT TO THEM CURRENTLY AND NOT WHO THEY WERE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL #and tbh it's probably gonna be baked goods anyway. and i ask for their faves first

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