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peeterparkr · 4 years ago

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perennial;tom holland|eleven.

chapter eleven: snapdragons & sunflowers (Vol. 1)

↳ flower meaning: snapdragons: deception. sunflowers: unconditional love.

chapter summary: to ask for a kiss.

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: fluff, angst, comedy, all in one, mentions or allusion to sex but not smut :), you’ll see, alcohol.

You’ll hate me.

word count: 11.2K

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles

ten (Instagram): in which they share set pictures

ten (tweets & texts:in which the groupchats are…loud

previous chapter next chapter perennial masterlist.

perfidy ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

So, please help me out I think tags aren’t working. So yes, hope you enjoy this :)

Y/N was made of the people she loved or once loved. Everyone is, really, but y/n probably made sure it showed.

Like her habit for photography had come from her very own best friend, of the way she started watching cooking videos because of her other best friend and always read the ingredients on any of the food she ate. Her clothing style had come from her very own first boyfriend who had introduced her to the magnificent world of the 80’s.

Her love for 80’s movies had come from Louis introducing her every night to a different one, a new story, a new song, and honestly it was good he showed her to it, y/n found her one true love. Louis, really, had shown y/n a lot of things, like how to lie to see him at indecent hours, and how And how Louis taught her that love doesn’t have to last and that sometimes people aren’t what we expect.

How she loved pancakes because that’s what her mother used to make them every Sunday, and how she’d learned from her father that sometimes sitting outside in the grass on a sunny day could bring back happiness to us.

How her grandma had taught her how to have a perfect poker face, and how her grandfather had shown her how to peel an orange in a ‘correct way’.

How she had started to drink her tea with lemon and honey because James had once given her one like that and it brought nice memories. And how James had told her that it’s okay to love, even when people tell you not to, you have to fight for your love, you shall never be afraid of who you love. And James teaching her that she should love for herself, for her own, and not having to share her feelings if she didn’t want to.

How y/n had started to watch subtitled films because Timmy had shown her some hidden gems. Or how she had learned from Tim to enjoy little moments, like the sunrise if she ever had to wake up early, or how she opened the windows to listen to the rain splattering. Tim had taught her too much about life, like enjoying wasting time.

Y/N was made, the most, of the people she loved the most. Like how she made pasta the way James had taught her to once when their parents had gone out and James was left in charge.

Or how when she was sad she’d watch that movie her childhood friend had introduced her to, and how they didn’t talk now. How y/n had learned that music was a way of healing because of that same friend.

Or how to make a story sound great with Harry, and how Harry had shown her songs that probably were her favorite ones. How Harry and her knew that they didn’t like tequila because of that one time, and how they had learned that mixing cranberry, and grape juice and vodka tasted great thanks to Sam’s idea.

The way that Emma had taught her to use certain hair products, and how Emma had taught her that sometimes we have to sing out our feelings, and scream and shout. How Emma had taught her the importance of a friendship and having someone’s shoulder to cry on. That she didn’t have to be lonely.

How when she kissed she usually liked to place her hands behind their neck because she’d done that on her very first kiss with Tom, or how she usually ate some of the chocolate chips when she baked cookies because Tom and her used to do that. She had learned how to wrestle from a very young age and beat Tom, and she had learned how to play with his hair in a way to make him smile. She had learned the meaning of a rose, when all her life she had never understood about it, Tom had shown her how to approach a dog, and Tom had taught her how to cuff her jeans in a cool way. Or the habit she’d picked from him of undressing the beer bottle when they were talking or how he opened it with the table. How Tom had taught her how to kiss, from their very first one to the last one, different kisses each time, how he’d taught her each and every kiss is a journey, a mystery. How she’d learned how to deal with heartbreaks and to fall in love all over again. And how she had learned that he’d come back to her. But really, how a heartbreak feels when it’s real.

That’s who y/n was. All the beautiful things of the people she loved.

But she was also the bad ones, unfortunately, because people shape us. Y/N was also made of the ugly parts, very ugly parts.

One that stood out the most, she’d learned from Tom, from James, from her family, was to avoid talking.

Everybody wanted to talk, everybody except y/n. She knew she was being immature, but she’d learned that from everyone around her, not to care if you don’t have to. But she was too overwhelmed, everyone had something to say about, except her. How could she talk if she didn’t know what she wanted?

Tom, Harry, Emma, Tim, James, Sam, Cherry, Aunt Eliza, even Josh and Clark.

Everybody wanted to talk. She didn’t.

She had caught on to what Tom was doing. She'd go along with it, he was the only one she wanted to talk to, honestly.

And Emma, because she knew Emma didn’t judge her, Emma understood y/n, and Emma had been the only one who really didn’t tell her she was wrong. Even if Tim was her best friend, Ema understood that y/n’s heart belonged to Tom.

“Clark is great, I may have fallen in love with him,” Emma had stated.

Y/N nodded. “He’s great, I—“

“Why didn’t you know?” Emma asked.

“I did know. But I didn’t—James was—you know how I’ve only dated three guys?” Y/n asked, she was putting on makeup, she had a date.

“Yeah.”

“James is exactly the opposite, he’s dated like half the gay population his age in London,” y/n scrunched her nose, as she was choosing between lipsticks.. “So I just—Never paid attention to any guy he dated because I never thought it was serious.”

“Are you talking to him now?”

“I did today, only because of Clark,” y/n admitted, giving up on the lipsticks and instead choosing to work on her hair. “James is still angry I am in love.”

“Not angry at that, you know that,” Emma pointed out.

“Is it that wrong I am so in love with Tom?” Y/n left the brush on the table as she turned to look at Emma.

“It’s completely bollocks y/n, but then again,” Emma sighed, “I wish I could be more like you and just love—I mean and I also wish Harry wasn’t so scared okay? He’s just so bloody scared, I wish he’d just say hey, Emma, d’ya fancy to go for a stroll? But no, we are both so… Gosh, I wish we were more like you and Tom, throwing everything down the drain.”

“We are-”

“You are, y/n,” Emma rolled her eyes. “He blows your mind and you basically want to yell it to the world, and he gets you all stupid, and you’re happy again, that’s alright, though-”

Emma was laying down on y/n’s bed, her feet up against the wall, as she was nibbling on a popsicle.

“Yes, I know, we have to talk,” she sighed.

“Who says it has to be right now?” Emma had said. “Right now you barely have time to think, and I see you all happy and giggling, and besides, talking doesn’t have to be dramatic.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just… I don’t get it why James wants it to be dramatic, it’s just hey, you guys love each other, what else is there to know?”

Y/N nodded, turning back to the lipsticks.

“You do have to tell him you know about Cherry, though, which-”

“Yeah, n, no, but I get it,” y/n sighed.

“Which, I love you’re ignoring, just pretending like she doesn’t exist, ” Emma laughed. “She just arrived yesterday, didn’t she?”

“She did,” Y/N sighed. “Ugh, I don’t want to see her and she wants to talk, what does she want to talk about? We’ve never cared about each other before, met her like three times growing up because my mum and hers didn’t get along, which by the way, I’m scared James and I are headed in that same direction.”

“You won’t,” Emma said. “James loves you too much to ever leave you.”

“You never know,” y/n said. “Besides that’s not my point, my point is why does she want to talk? We have nothing in common!”

“Dunno, you’re blood related and you both rode the same dick, seems like you’ve got a lot in common.”

Y/n closed her eyes as she forced a laugh, “Emma!”

“I’m just saying, y/n, that’s why you and I became close, we’ve both kissed the same two guys.”

“It’s different,” Y/N scoffed. “I—just don’t want to see her okay? Because I know I’ll be reminded of every single insecurity I have,” she admitted. “Because I know that the moment I see her I’ll get just so anxious, you know? She’s so pretty, and she’s so perfect and from what-”

“From what I’ve gathered from Eliza, she’s also a mess,” Emma added.

“That’s an issue, that’s Tom’s type, just look at me,” y/n laughed as she stared at a bright red lipstick.

Emma scoffed. “Oh, hadn’t thought about that, Tom’s into messy girls with your genes.”

“It’s so fucked up, though,” y/n said, as she looked up at the wall, she needed to change the flowers, they were drying out. She hadn’t changed them in a while.

Emma shrugged, “considering how small his brain is, he probably thought it would feel the same way if he closed his eyes.”

“As if it would,” y/n replied cockily, finally choosing a light pink, changing it up a bit, she’d always used bright red lipsticks with Tom, “I’ve known him his whole life, and now I’ve—“she cleared her throat. “ I know exactly how to work him up.”

Emma let out a loud and long laugh. “I can tell, Jesus, what did you do to him to have him oh, so mesmerized? Are you a sex goddess or why are those two men so bloody entranced by you?”

Y/N blushed and shook her head laughing. “You’re an idiot.”

“How do you really feel?” Emma wondered, getting the conversation back as serious as it was supposed to be.

“I don’t know,” Y/N admitted, she was still on some pair of pjs. “I… I’ve been talking with Tom, or…” She rolled her eyes. “He’s found a way to talk, and I think it’s worked out for both of us.”

“Oh, what is it?” Emma sighed.

Y/n walked over to her closet, it felt so weird to choose something to wear, Tom had warned her to be casual, something her style, something very her.

“We use the script so we can… I guess we’re projecting it all, and well, I think he’s been understanding about it, and I think I’m starting to understand his point of view, about Tim at least.”

“Please, I don’t need to listen to him to know why he feels that way,” Emma pointed out.

“Really?” Y/n turned back to Emma as she was choosing between them.

“I like the red one,” Emma suggested. “But please, y/n,” Emma scoffed. “Timmy was the one who stole his chance, Timmy was the one who got the girl when he had fucked up and everyone around Tom said it, we’ve all said it at some point, Tim is perfect for you.”

“But—“

“and besides, Timmy was the one-”

“The one who opened the door when Tom came to apologize,” y/n finished Emma’s sentence as she sat down hugging the red dress Emma had suggested.

Emma frowned. “What?”

“Guess Timmy had secrets, too,” y/n said.

Emma seemed confused.

“He never told me about it, how Tom had come a second time, and…” She sighed. “I mean I guess I’m thankful he didn’t but I’m… I’m only wondering—“

“Oh, back when you first started dating,” Emma recalled. “He did tell me about it, and I.. was the one to advise him not to tell you.”

Y/N gulped.

“Would you have run back to Tom?” Emma wondered, embarrassed. “Honestly I told him not to because—Well, I had asked Harry about it, you know? Harry had said you hated each other and that you had been avoiding Tom for a while now. That you were enemies.”

“We were.”

“And I mean—Back then, you really hated him.”

Y/n nodded. “Yeah, I did.”

“So I told Tim not to tell you about it, because I thought—I didn’t know the background but I thought Tom was going to—hurt you, you know? And I guess, we all did, and we all kept that mentality even when he wasn’t trying to.”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, I’ve never thought about that,” Emma nodded. “Even when I knew you were dating back in New York, we were just waiting for it, for Tom to—“

“Yeah, for Tom to pull a Tom,” y/n ended the sentence. “And I mean—He kind of did, but it was my fault.”

“Tom really sabotages himself, it seems.”

Y/N reached out to hug her frog, she was thankful James had brought it, “he does, but because he’s expected to, you know? Maybe that’s why— I haven’t brought it up because I’m not—I’m not expecting the heartbreak this time, and I know bringing up the whole Cherry thing is looking for it,” y/n explained. “I trust him this time, and he really wants to make it work out.”

“Would you have gone back to him? Had Tim told you he had showed up?” Emma questioned.

Y/N breathed in heavily. “Dunno,” she said. “I was so heartbroken back then, I thought— and I had promised myself back then I would never fall back for him, and… I mean, I had even thought I would never love again because that’s how dramatic it was, I really didn’t want to see him, that heartbreak is what led to all this mess, you know?” She explained. “Now Tom knows that, I think he really understands it, and he feels guilty and I mean, I was angry when Tom told me about it, because… Tim, well he didn’t know back then, he just was too sure that Tom loved me but—After learning all of this? Tim should’ve told me, because just now, learning it, I guess it changed a lot of things, not that it erased anything, but I lived all this time thinking he hadn’t… He really hadn’t cared, and it took him a lot of time, still, but he had tried to apologize again, and Tim keeping it to himself knowing that what broke me the most was that Tom had never shown up? Tim keeping it to himself is just—so selfish.”

Emma bit her lip. “He’s still in love with you.”

Y/N remained quiet.

“I mean, you can’t blame him,” Emma said. “You guys were… I mean before Tom, you really seemed to be hitting it off, I thought you’d end up dating again.”

“I did, too, at some point,” y/n admitted. “But-”

“But you love Tom, I know,” Emma shrugged. “No but… Y/N you also, have to acknowledge it, you can’t keep playing with Tim which-before you say anything, I mean it’s also on him, he knew it, but then again, I… I believed it at some point y/n, that you were going to get back together with him because… The way you looked at him just… and it was just—”

“I know, I know and I thought… I don’t know, okay?” y/n admitted as she sat up. “I… It’s cause I never… I had closure with Tim, alright? I gave him the ring back because I thought, I know it, I want Tom, okay? It’s Tom, yes, it’s Tom.”

“But?”

Y/n sighed, “Timmy—alright as I said before, I had said I would never love again after the whole Rome thing,” she cleared up. “And then Tim came along and just showed me this beautiful life and taught me how to love again, and I—He became a very special part of me.”

“Yeah, and? That doesn’t explain your flirting.”

“I didn’t—flirt.”

“Well you answered to his flirting,” Emma pointed out.

“We were—“

“You guys were flirting y/n!” Emma replied quickly, slightly stressed. “You guys don’t flirt like everyone else! Your flirting style with each other was by showing each other songs and him watering your plants, y/n! You were basically having sex with each other,” Emma rolled her eyes.

Y/N stayed quiet.

“But I know, Tom, Tom—“

Y/n gulped. “Yeah, Tom.”

Emma watched y/n, confused. “Why are you acting like it’s the last time?”

“What?”

“Like it’s your last chance with Tom.”

“I...don’t know, because what if it is, you know? It’s… stupid, we’ve had plenty of chances and… Last time, I just… Had I known it would lead to that. I know it’s my fault, and like we’ve both blown it up so it’s—“

“Neither one of you will fuck up.”

“I know—But Tom… We are trying and I’m happy but I feel-”

“Y/N you are pretending, I know, you won’t be happy until you talk about it with him.”

She sighed. “I know, and we’ve been talking and I…” She coughed. “I really want to try it out.”

“But…?”

“Am I allowed to forgive something like that? Am I even allowed to get angry about Cherry?”

Emma sat up as well. “Y/N, had he slept with anyone else I wouldn’t be so sure but that’s your cousin, that’s fucked up and-”

“What if he finds out about Tim?”

Y/N grabbed the pillow that had once been under her head and proceeded to get it in her face and scream into it.

“Wait, I’m… I’m gonna try that,” Emma laughed, doing the same.

Both of them were screaming into the pillows, pitying their sorrows and problems.

Timmy had walked in.

“What the hell?” He asked.

Emma was the only one to peak her head out of it. “It’s therapeutic.”

Timothee had only chuckled. “I bet.”

Y/N had stopped screaming but kept the pillow over her face. She didn’t know how she felt about Tim, there was no point in being angry at something from the past, but it did change a lot of the way she saw him, maybe he had forgotten. But Tim was never one to forget, he was observant and he was quiet, and he was all about the stories.

“Um, y/n?” Tim said.

Emma watched Tim, and the small object he had in his hand. She shot him a warning glare, scared of the inside.

“Yeah?” y/n answered from her pillow which now had a nice stain of makeup on it.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked.

Another person wanting to talk, what was it with everybody wanting to say words and listening and whatever? Y/N thought to herself.

Though Timmy hadn’t asked for it yet, she knew it, but he hadn’t really said it, not the whole y/n we should talk.

She wanted to say no, but she knew that she couldn’t keep doing that. Counting the days until it finally had to blow up, and then end up with bruises, no, she didn’t have to do that.

She finally let the pillow down, “Yeah, sure,” she said before walking out of her room.

“Sure, leave Emma behind,” Emma pointed out.

“I… well,” Y/N looked at Tim.

“It’ll be quick, darling, Emma dear,” Tim assured her.

Emma rolled her eyes. “It never is with you both.”

Tim rolled his eyes before leading the way outside of the apartment, y/n frowned, asking him to wait up so she could put on her sneakers, still wearing her pj’s.

“So your birthday is tomorrow,” Tim had said as they had walked out, he had sat on the stairs.

She chuckled as she sat beside him. “Yeah.”

“You look really pretty,” Tim had said.

“These pj’s really accentuate my features huh,” y/n joked.

“Your makeup looks pretty and hair, idiot,” Tim chuckled.

She only gave him a sad smile.

“So, what are your plans?” He asked.

“For… tonight? I’ve got a date,” she explained.

“No, tomorrow.”

She shrugged. “Tom’s got some plans, apparently, he hasn’t told me anything about it, honestly I don’t… I don’t want to…”

“What?”

“Do anything you know? I will be too tired after filming, and I… I just feel like… Dunno, James and Clark will be there and I don’t want to talk to James still, and apparently Cherry invited herself, too so… And you’ll be there, and Harry and Emma… and Josh, and I just... ” She chuckled. “I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“Why?”

“Dunno, seems like a perfect combination for disaster.”

“I met Cherry today,” he admitted. “Well, we’d met before but-Yeah, I thought you’d be at the flower shop. “And she was there, instead.”

Y/N scrunched her nose. “Yeah I know she’s there, that’s why I haven’t gone there,” she explained chuckling shyly.

“Why?”

“Because then I’ll start feeling insignificant, because let’s face it and don’t you dare say no, but she’s really… Pretty, like she’s everything a girl would want to be and I’m jealous of her,” she admitted, truthfully. “I’ve never been the jealous kind but with her, I feel like—Of course anyone would choose her over me, and don’t—Say anything okay? I just feel that way. And if I see her I’ll be reminded of the elephant in the room waiting to be addressed, and I… If the conversation about you went wrong I don’t want to know how that-”

“About me?”

“Yeah,” she looked down. “Dunno.”

Tim bit his lip.

“How did he-?”

“I don’t want to talk about that, Tim,” she quickly answered. “I can’t blame him for feeling the way he feels and that’s on me, too, I mean… I… really.”

“What?”

She looked down. “I— well, I don’t…know alright? If I feel anxious about Cherry I can only imagine how he feels about you, no, I can’t even imagine it, and look Tim, I—you know you’re very important to me but I’m… I’m dating… Or whatever is going on now, but It’s Tom right now, alright? And I know it’ll be for a long time.”

“I know.”

She looked at him, confused by his statement because it really didn’t feel like he knew it.. “And I don’t… want you to think there is an open door or-”

“Y/N, I know,” he said. “Yeah, I know it’s Tom, now.”

“But it’s not just—“

“I know,” Tim looked away. “I know.”

She looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“Just….” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s him, but that doesn’t… I mean, we’ve been friends, and I—I just ask you not to push me away, alright? I don’t know how I’d live without y/n in my world, and if having you around means having you with him, then I just have to deal with it, move on you know? And I know we are friends, so this is… This comes from your friend, Timmy.”

She smiled, just slightly, very timidly. It hurt, hurting him but of course, keeping him around meant jeopardizing her relationship with Tom, and she really didn’t want to give it more excuses.

“Timmy,” she sighed.

He smiled. “I’m serious, it’s alright, no… no resentment, alright? We both know we… I don’t…you know it, I’ll always love you, but we—I mean you—you love someone else and it’s be stupid of me not letting you love him, that is just pathetically selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it hurts like a bitch…. Yeah, I know it, but… I don’t want to lose you, I am not stupid… but I also… I know that if I give this to you tomorrow, Tom will lose it and I… don’t want that, so I’m giving you this, today.”

He pulled out a film canister. And it felt like one of those times when life likes to punch you with reality. She felt a fear deep inside her stomach. Last time he’d given her one of those an engagement ring was hidden in it.

“It’s… It’s not what you think,” Tim rolled his eyes. “Oh, you really thought I’d propose again?”

She let out a soft chuckle. “No--I… I mean,” I’m-I didn’t think you would-”

“Your face,” He chuckled softly. “Yeah, no, I… I’m…”

“Yeah, just last time you gave me one of those-”

“Yeah, and look where it led us, I’m not… I wouldn’t… No,” Timmy laughed. “No, it’s not… and—do you really think I’m the type of guy to propose on a bad time—-Actually don’t answer that,” he chuckled. “Okay, open it.”

She grinned, and took the film canister from him. “Man I hope it’s an iPad,” she joked, warning a laugh from Tim. “No, you—you shouldn’t have.”

She shook it just slightly, listening to no sound coming out from it, before finally opening, carefully. “A…there’s nothing?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Tim laughed. “I know.”

She frowned, confused but then chuckled. “I love it… I hope I… can get to wear it soon,” she joked.

“It couldn’t fit there, but I—Well, you know, we had that tradition, ,” he said before finally giving her the box that sat beside him.

She took the box and smiled, opening it, an old vintage Polaroid camera stood there.

“I know you’ve—I think it works, it’s—It’s an original, I've noticed you haven't really taken any Polaroids, and I know you love them,” he coughed. “So, yeah, happy birthday.”

Y/N had only looked up, giving him a true smile.

“Thank you, I love it!”

But of course, the timing could not have gone any worse. Tom had arrived. Y/N had momentarily forgotten she had agreed to spend the night with him, nothing too serious but Tom had insisted because he had a surprise for early in the morning and he’d come pick her up for dinner and then she’d stay with him.

Maybe she should’ve seen the trouble coming.

Tom cleared his throat loudly, “hello,” he said, standing with sunflowers. Yellow flowers with pretty meaning, y/n thought.

Y/n looked up, calmly, knowing that if he saw any hint of her freaking out it would blow it up because his mind would go places.

“Oh hi!” She grinned. “sorry—I’m not—“

Tom clenched his jaw at Tim, but then turned to y/n and chuckled, “Darling, when I said casual—I didn’t—“

She chuckled nervously standing up. “Sorry, I—“she squeezed her eyes shut. “I was discussing with Tim something about some pictures he’s planning on—yeah,” she lied, as she hid the film canister and box behind her back.

“Yeah,” Tim said, clearing his throat, standing up as well. “Hello, Thomas.”

“Tim.” Tom was nervous already, y/n could tell.

“Are those for me?” Y/n questioned staring at the flowers before they could say another word to each other.

Tom chuckled between his teeth, “yeah, they’re most certainly not for Tim.”

“Oh,” Tim said, “and here I was getting excited about them.”

Tom faked a very quiet laugh and then turned to y/n. “So? Don’t get me wrong, you literally look so beautiful—but—“ He smiled looking down at her clothing.

“Yeah—right!” She excused herself, not forgetting to kiss his cheek, before running back to her room, where Emma was waiting with the red dress and had pulled out some heels for her.

Emma walked out of the room, “hello, Tom, long time no see,” she said with sarcasm.

“I know, these couple hours have been long,” Tom joked back, as he had walked in.

Tim had followed after. It felt so tense, Emma could swear she could cut the tension with a knife.

Emma hummed a fake laugh. “There are flower vases over there, you can guess which ones are y/n’s now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna steal Tim from you just a bit, I hope you don’t miss him as much.”

Emma had dragged Tim to her own room.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Emma snapped.

“A lot of things,” Tim answered. “But let’s not go there, please.”

“Oh don’t play that with me, I know exactly what you’re doing, and Tim—“

“I’m not—“

“Don’t fucking pull the whole I’m not doing anything bullshit with me,” she rolled her eyes. “I know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m sure you gave her the Polaroid today, really? Exactly when you know she’ll go on a date with Tom? And you take her to the stairs? So he can see it right?

Tim clenched his jaw. “I—Well.”

“Sabotaging her relationship is not the way to go, Tim,” Emma warned him. “And I—I just told you—Best thing you could try is...move on, alright? I know you love her and that she was—She seemed perfect for you, and I still think you guys worked so well together but… She is so in love with him, and by doing this you’re only hurting her more—Besides, really Tim, you know her better than this,” she pushed. “I—“ Emma sighed. “I'm telling you this because I love you, I don’t want to sound harsh but—“She closed her eyes. “I know she is confused, and making her even more confused won’t help you, let her settle it, let her have it right now.”

Tim didn’t say anything and just walked out of the room. He had gone to his room and unfortunately had left his door open to see y/n walking out on a red dress to run over excitedly to Tom, who had pulled her close to him to kiss her cheek and smell her perfume.

Timmy knew Emma was right, y/n was in love with him. So, very deeply in love. And it hurt, seeing her. And Timmy asked for more patience, or for more time, or strength to move on.

It felt weird, Tim felt lonely and broken hearted, and he just missed her, and it was stupidly incredible that she lived right there in the same apartment. He knew she loved Tom, that was it but it…. It still didn’t make any sense. Honestly, it felt like they were completely strangers.

Especially y/n, she really felt like a stranger, even to Tom it seemed. She seemed too… distant to everyone.

Tom felt it, too. He felt that y/n was just off, even if she was happy or tried to be and even if she was kissing his cheek, she was being… different. And Tom only wanted to get over with it, the awkwardness.

And he wondered if she wanted to get over with it, too.

They went out for dinner, not in the place where she’d imagine Tom would take her, it was a nice dinner place with lightbulbs hanging around, a flower in a glass bottle, candles around, very… cozy, and romantic, and they were talking about barely anything, and maybe for a bit it felt like they were each other again.

Y/N knew this, she felt weird with herself, as if even when she seemed to be saying what she wanted to say, she really wasn’t saying what her heart wanted, but as if her own heart was keeping secrets. It felt like Tom didn’t know her, though. And it had never felt that way before, but it felt like they were both trying to get to know each other again. Because neither of them were being themselves, not entirely.

“So, you were clearly not talking about pictures with Tim,” Tom had mentioned.

y/n looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t….”

“So?” Tom seemed anxious about it.

“He gave me a birthday present, a…he gave me a polaroid,” she cleared up. “A vintage, original one.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Tom nodded, and gulped. “As long as he doesn’t give you a ring.”

She rolled her eyes. “Tom.”

Tom shrugged.

“I… told him,” she cleared her throat. “That well… it’s you.”

“It’s me?” Tom wondered, and a smile came to his face. “What am I?”

She rolled her eyes, chuckling softly. “An idiot, that’s what you are.”

Tom chuckled. “Uh-huh, I am, and what else?”

She blushed. “Nothing.”

Tom hadn’t pushed it any further. Their conversation kept flowing. Talking about them. What made them so… them.

“I remember that everyone was in love with this one guy, ugh, what’s his name? The one that bullied you,” Y/N tried to recall.

“Edward,” Tom remembered. “He was so big.”

“Well, everyone had a crush except me, because well, I was the idiot, you know?”

“You loved that scrawny guy who-”

“Adorable guy,” she added.

“Scrawny guy,” he continued. “Who did ballet and everyone crushed on Edward, who-”

“I actually was… dating Louis back then,” she recalled. “But…” She chuckled. “But my point is… I was the one who… hid a rat in his car.”

“No way!” Tom’s eyes popped as he leaned over. “You’re kidding.”

“I… Look, nobody could be an asshole to you unless it was me, that was-” She was nervous. “I was so angry at everything he said at you, I…” She rolled her eyes. “And I… genuinely don’t know.”

“Where in this bloody world did you get a rat from?” He wondered. “I mean thank you but I didn’t think you’d-”

“Please I had experience from pranks for you so of course…” She gulped, hiding a laugh. “I...Well, there was a rat in Louis' house, and well they trapped it and instead of… you know killing it I… well told Louis to break into Ed’s car and I hid the rat there.”

Tom was shocked. “And that was because of me?”

“No, I hated Ed,” she looked away. “He was the biggest asshole.”

Tom grinned. “Are you sure? Because I remember that rat incident being right after he had hit me in the hall.”

“Really?” y/n coughed. “I wouldn’t remember,” she blushed looking away.

“Which actually brought attention to me, they said it had been me!” He recalled. “I got into detention.”

Y/N grinned. “Yeah, killed two birds in one shot,” she smirked.

“I’m serious did you-?”

“Yeah, maybe I did it for you, okay? Whatever, yes, I had feelings for you and I was angry someone else was taking away my job, let’s remember we were enemies back then, alright?” She was nervous.

Tom smirked. “You had a crush on me.”

“Shut up,” she chuckled. “You had a crush on me, too.”

Tom shrugged, smiling. “Yeah, I did. I’m not trying to hide it.

Y/N avoided his gaze, not believing he was actually making her feel butterflies, even after all this time, she was still nervous. In a good way. She wasn’t always nervous, most of the time, she didn’t, she felt so calm around him, but on the edge, as if she didn’t need to worry about being herself but expectant of each other’s attitude.

Tom watched her, “Why do I always feel like there’s always something on your mind?”

“Because there is,” she laughed. “Don’t you?”

“No, I’m dumb, remember? I can actually blank up my mind,” he smirked. “Or well, not at all. There is a constant on my mind,” he had reached for her hand.

“Oh?” her eyes had brightened up, a timid smile on her face.

“Yeah, Spiderman,” he joked, earning a glare from y/n.

It was so stupid. But they were… back being them. Probably because they were alone. As if someone was brushing y/n’s dream, and she couldn’t get enough of him, his laugh was her everything. She couldn’t help but sigh and run out of breath, and never stop blushing, there was no doubt about it. And she had once thought about it, ‘the day that Tom loves me, the world will party’. She had been wrong, the world wasn’t partying, and there were no flowers blooming and no fireworks. The world instead, stopped, as if it was them and only them. The stars were probably jealous of them seeing them shining even more brightly than them.

“You know, from the moment we met,” he had said.

“When we were kids, you mean?” She chuckled .

“Truly met,” Tom gulped. “Rome, I mean.”

She blinked. “Yeah.”

“I… Why didn’t you kiss me?” He asked.

“Hm? When?”

“That one night, you know the one, lovely evening, I remember I asked for a kiss,” he recalled. “And… you said and I quote: ‘No, Thomas, don’t ask for a kiss’.”

She looked away, remembering. “Because I didn’t want you to ask for it.”

He frowned.

“It’s silly but that’s the way I am, I didn’t want you to ask for it, I was clearly begging for one,” she explained. “I wanted you to… do it. One should never ask for a kiss, or not… verbally.”

“How so?”

“I mean certain contexts,” y/n said. “But that night? I thought I had hinted it enough

“So you did want me to kiss you,” He grinned.

“Of course!” She beamed. “I—it’s not secret by now that I—“she cleared her throat. “Well, enjoy when our lips come together.”

“Oh, so you enjoy that?” He mocked.

“Very much so,” she answered shyly. “And—it had been the perfect evening! It would’ve cost you nothing,” she smiled.

“Cost me nothing,” he laughed.

“I think you’ll find that kissing me is quite cheap,” she pointed out.

He scrunched his nose. “That’s a lie.”

“No, no, I was the one who could lose there,” she sighed.

“No, y/n. Because kissing you costs a lifetime.”

She scoffed. “How so?”

“I kissed you once when I was 13 and never stopped thinking about it,” he said. “And after that evening.”

“Would I have been so bad?” She questioned, “if we had realized it back then.”

“Think we did,” he said, “but you didn’t kiss me either.”

“No, but—because you had asked for it.”

“You’re right… I should’ve, but there’s a lot of things I should’ve done...still can’t believe it, how stupid I was,” he said.

“It didn’t click you know,” she nodded. “When you broke my heart,” she continued. “I mean, the excuses you gave me… They didn’t make any sense.”

Tom looked down.

“And…” She sighed.

“Would you’ve forgiven me? If I had come earlier?” He asked.

She stared at him. “Maybe,” she admitted. “Probably, if I’m honest… I did wait for you to come again with yellow flowers, and I’d have my hand right in my heart, and I would wait for you to come and apologize and I would see it, you know, wait for you to stand up in the rain and said you didn’t mean it, and I… I was angry, alright? It was stupid letting my life pass by waiting for it besides the whole scenario...but then again, it wa shot and it’s still you and I’m—it’s silly.”

“It’s not silly,” Tom said. “It’s you,” he took a deep breath, “and I knew you’d like that… kind of stuff, but when I finally realized it, it was too late.”

“But it’s not late now,” she admitted. “We’re finally on time. And I’m glad I’ve always been so stubborn when it comes to you because otherwise we wouldn’t be here.”

The evening had continued to flow, as both of them had become quieter, in a way that they didn’t need to talk to communicate, between whispers and giggles and hand brushing, it was all they needed.

The ticking had stopped, y/n had noticed. It’d come, she knew but… God, when she was with him, she didn’t have to worry about anything. Because it seemed that it was made for them, all her doubts disappeared because he was the answer she needed. It was them against the world.

They hadn’t talked about Valerie and William, not that night. It was Tom and y/n,.

They hadn’t kissed. Tom had ceased the kissing when James had arrived, which y/n hated, she missed his lips so much her own were begging for them. She wouldn’t ask for it. Never ask for a kiss, not out loud.

She was wearing his jacket back on their way, he had said: ‘I wasn’t cold but I knew you’d be so that’s why I brought it’. Her hand was on his hair as he drove, listening to music, windows down as they hummed the lyrics, and as y/n stared down at the lights the city was giving her, her hair flying.

She was sad, though, Tom hadn’t even tried to lean over and kiss her, not even seeing a hint of him trying to do so.

They had walked in, the guys seemed to be all too invested in a video game, all except for Clark who was rather interested in playing with James’ hair as y/n’s brother yelled at the screen. He looked up when seeing them walk in, he smiled at the sight of y/n’s shoulders being covered by Tom’s jacket.

“Hello, you two,” Clark had greeted them.

Tom peeked to see the screen, not letting go of y/n’s hand.

“Hi,” y/n said, knowing she’d most likely lose Tom’s attention to the screen.

“How did it go?” Clark asked.

“Bloody hell, Samuel!” James yelled.

“Piss off,” Harry yelled, too.

y/n chuckled. “It went well,” she said.

“Well?” Tom lost focus of the screen, as he turned to her. “Well?”

She ignored him and kept staring at Clark. “Can you believe the evening has gone by so splendidly but he still hasn’t kissed me?”

Tom immediately blushed.

“Good,” said James. “Kissing is gross.”

“Is it?” Clark asked before kissing his cheek.

James coughed. “Straight kissing is gross,” he corrected himself.

Harry laughed.

Sam scrunched his nose. “Why haven’t you kissed her? you usually bloody eat each other’s faces.”

Harry scoffed.

“Don’t you dare eat my sister’s face,” James warned. “Or anything for that matter.”

“James,” y/n closed her eyes.

Tom laughed. “We’re gonna…”

“No, why don’t you guys stay? We were about to play Mario Kart” Offered James. “So why don’t you both play with all of us, you know you can sit over there with your brother and y/n can sit over here, everyone’s happy.”

“Jamey, love, don’t be a dick,” warned Clark.

Y/N chuckled. “Fine, I want to play,” she admitted.

“Great, mario kart is the real deal breaker between couples.”

Of course, they hadn’t followed James’ instruction for their sitting arrangement, y/n had sat on the couch, and Tom had sat on the floor, resting his back against her. Y/N was still bothered by the fact she hadn’t yet been kissed that night, but she soon forgot it as it felt like one of those nights when they were younger, all of them playing and yelling at each other.

Tom had left the room without any explanation at some point, but she was too busy trying to beat her brother at rainbow road to even notice.

Time went by, and before she knew it, the lights had gone off, and they all had turned with a smirk as Tom had walked in with a cake with candles.

‘Happy Birthday’ they all sang as she stared at the cake, pretty cake, sunflowers again. Tom kissing her cheek.

It felt… like years ago, the Holland’s, James, and now Clark, too, of course it was Tom holding the cake now, not Harry, and now she didn’t have a wish, usually she’d plan ahead her birthday wishes, because that’s something James had taught her to. Instead, she wished for everything to keep flowing as easy as it could with Tom. Funny, how many birthday wishes had not involved him already.

They had sat and ate cake like old times, y/n smearing some frosting to Tom’s cheek and then kissing it off, making the boy blush and getting James to glare at her. Laughing at each other, telling old jokes as y/n was laying against Tom, his arms around her and his lips brushing against her head.

How many years had they not wasted by being enemies.

Eventually, they had all gone to bed knowing the next day would expect them, except for Clark and James who had stayed in the kitchen.

Tom and y/n had stayed on the couch.

“So, I’m gonna be honest,” Tom had said as he had sat with her, he had left yet again to get something

She only stared into his eyes, begging her with her sight to kiss her already. She should’ve probably wished for that, instead.

“I—this wasn’t going to be your birthday present.”

“You didn’t need to get me anything,” she said.

He had sat up and pulled out a small box, he seemed nervous, but excited. The box… gave her shivers. But it couldn’t be.

Y/n only smiled watching him, resenting her head against her palm.

“I—back when,” he gulped, “back when I was still in London debating whether or not to direct dos-a-dos,” he continued. “I—well.”

“Yeah?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you because—Well,” he grinned. “I am so stupidly in love with you.”

She only blushed.

“So—one day,” he gulped. “I went—Well, you know, to the mall and whatsoever, and—I saw this shop.”

“Right.”

“And so I bought a pair of boots for me,” he said, leaning against the couch, trying to recall. “They were very—nice, you know?”

“Uh—huh,” she rolled her eyes. “And did you bring those boots to LA?”

“No, I didn’t,” he side eyed her, “should’ve, you would have loved them.”

Y/n rolled her eyes giggling. “I bet.”

“But anyway, after I bought the boots—I passed by that shop you like.”

Y/n blinked. “Care to be more specific?”

“The one with the vinyls, and vintage stuff,” he reminded her, but she looked down at the tiny box he was holding, it definitely wasn’t anything from that shop.

“Oh, yeah, love that place,” she smiled.

“Yeah, and I—went in,” he admitted. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you, everything they had… so I—“

She just waited for him to continue.

“I bought a fee vinyls for me, too,” he nodded seriously.

Y/n bit her lip, holding back a laugh, “amazing, which ones did you buy?”

“I bought a Beatles one… uh, Queen.”

“Great choices,” she grinned. “I’m proud.”

“And of course Rolling Stones, because I thought of you,” he said.

Y/n scooted closer to him to gently run her hands through his hair, he couldn’t hide his smile.

“And then—One day, I went out again,” he grinned.

“Hm-hm?”

He coughed, “yeah, and I walked again to that one other shop you like, the one with the clothes.”

“With the clothes,” she laughed.

“Yeah, you know the one,” he chuckled, avoiding her gaze.

“And did you get in?” She asked.

“No,” he grinned. “I went for an ice cream, you know, I was really craving one.”

She stared at him, so mesmerized by him, even when he was being the silliest. “God, I love you,” she blurted out, without really thinking of it. That’s how it should be, realy. Nothing wrong with that.

He finally locked his eyes with her and smiled, he took her hand in his and kissed it. “Yeah, so—“he grinned, “none of that has to do with your birthday present.”

Y/n chuckled. “Really? I thought the birthday present would be seeing you with those boots and dancing with you to the music on those vinyls and eating ice cream.”

“Ah, that would’ve been great huh,” he grinned staring into her eyes.

“Would’ve loved that.”

“I actually did bring the vinyls,” he admitted.

She kissed his temple. “Great, let’s play them—“

“Yeah, but—I haven’t finished,” he admitted. “I… Well, I've had a lot of time, you know? To reflect on—on the script, on us. But especially the script.”

Y/n stared at the features on his face, fixating on the freckles on his nose as he kept talking.

“So, I kept avoiding the script, even if I wanted to direct it because—Well, it was your dream, I remember and I think I’ll never forget how in Rome you told me your biggest dream was making a film of a ballerina,” he said. “I—well, and I wanted to read it, but I couldn’t because I thought—well, dunno, having something yet to read was something I still had to look forward to, you know? And so I kept listening to the vinyls because they reminded me of you, and I kept—trying to find you everywhere, alright?” He confessed. “On every single face and—The days just went by and I—eventually read it.”

Y/n silently watched him.

“And I fell in love with it, because—it’s you. The script is so—you, it was like reading an open book about you, and I don’t mean it in the way that it’s our story, like I genuinely—you really poured heart and soul in it, the songs you put in, the setting—and, well, it was really you, you know? I know you’ve always loved 80’s movies because they seem so ridiculous but so magical.“

Y/n chuckled nervously. “Where are you going with this?”

“I know it’s your biggest dream,” he sentenced. “And well—I’m sorry I didn’t get you a pair of boots like mine.”

She laughed rolling her eyes.

“And I didn’t get a vinyl.”

“Tommy,” she nudged him.

He only handed it to her, the small box. A very stupid and scary suspicion in her head had completely been erased as she picked the small box.

As she opened it, it revealed a necklace with a small pendant of a ballerina hanging from it. The brightest beam had appeared on y/n’s face.

“I know you’ve—never liked the idea of someone giving you jewelry, especially bracelets or necklace because they don’t hold any meaning, but—I think—I know you’re not a dancer but, I think Valerie is your own special project, and—“Tom grinned. “I was saving it to give it to you on the premier but—“

“I love it, I...No, really this… This is perfect,” she whispered looking at it. Tom had once taught her that roses weren’t always basic. And Tom had now proven to her that this didn’t have to be either, because it was them, and it held such a special meaning to her.

She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and he only smiled.

“I was gonna give you a T—“

“As in Troy?” She mocked.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t.”

She laughed. “I love it.”

He looked deep into her eyes and she just waited for it… But he didn’t kiss her.

“Yeah, so, let’s go to sleep,” he quickly stood up, letting her fall flat on the couch.

“Thomas,” she hissed playfully. He had already left, and she could feel his smirk from afar, so she followed after him.

“So, you can have my bed, I’m gonna leave to sleep on the couch because that was my agreement with James,” he explained, picking up his stuff as soon as she got to the room.

She frowned. “No?”

“Yes,” he replied cockily.

“I’m not letting you leave until you bloody kiss me,” she replied.

He paused and then turned with a proud smug smirk, “Then that gives me even more reasons not to kiss you.”

She opened her mouth to complain, but really she was in such a state of shock that not a single word came out.

“Goodnight love,” he grinned as he headed to the door.

“Why are you like this?” She rolled her eyes, giggling.

Tom took a deep breath before staring her down.

“For the love of god, kiss me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“One shall never ask for a kiss,” he replied smugly.

“Are you kidding me?” She closed her eyes, not believing it.

“No, you said it yourself,” he grinned. “Not verbally.”

“Just shut up and come here, idiot,” she laughed before pulling him close to her, finally placing her lips on him. It felt like just the very first time, Tom and her had that magic, of making each and every kiss feel like they’ve never kissed before, so unique and so perfectly synchronized with each other.

“Don’t you guys fucking dare to do anything,” James was just walking by with a glass of water. “People need to sleep.”

Clark had mouthed an apology before following after.

Y/n had pulled away and then smirked. “Want to prank him?”

Tom had only given her a weird face.

Y/N knew James was staying right on the next room, and that she definitely was not going to be able to do anything without him hearing, that of course, meant she could piss him off, to get back at him for being a dick.

Y/N explained her idea to Tom, and he immediately accepted, with the sole condition to leave the door open so his life could actually be spared.

Both Tom and y/n had settled in their places, sitting right on top of the bed, right against the headboard which was conveniently against James’ wall.

And so they started.

Both of them repeatedly, and in perfect sync started, Tom hitting his elbows against the headboard, making sure the noise it made was perfectly identifiable as something else as y/n was jumping on the bed.

A faint “no, no, no, no, fucking hell, no,” had been yelled from the other room.

Tom and y/n tried to hide in their laughter, but proceeded to make it even worse, adding dramatic moans and “oh yes!” “Y/n!” “Right there!” “Tommy!” In between.

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Now it had been louder.

“Jamey, love—“

Tom and y/n smirked and went in even louder, “yes!” “So tight!” “Harder!” “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

“No! No! No! No! Bloody hell y/n I’m in the bloody next room!” James yelled. “I’m gonna kill you, Thomas!”

And then they heard the loud and quick stumping as James’ door was open as he ran to knock on y/n’s and Tom’s door, but instead, the door was wide open and he could see what actually was happening, Tom and y/n, fully clothed and not even an inch close.

That’s when both y/n and Tom lost it, bursting into laughter.

“YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK!” James yelled at them before joining in their laughter, red from embarrassment.

Clark had followed right after, laughing with them. “So that—“

Y/n couldn’t stop her laughter, even tears had come down her cheek as she stared at her brother so embarrassed, watching them.

“I can’t believe you fell for that!” Y/N had laughed.

Clark couldn’t stop giggling either.

“And by the way, thanks Clark,” Tom laughed, “you’re a real one.”

“I fucking hate you all,” James rolled his eyes.

“Now let’s go for the real one,” Tom had joked, probably with a death wish, but he quickly regretted it, “no, no, no, I’m joking! I’m joking!”

“You bet your ass you’re joking,” James warned before laughing again, defeated, “I hate you both.”

He had left with Clark laughing behind him, leaving y/n and Tom still laughing at their prank.

Laughing and laughing until they ran out of breath and laughed again.

“Shit, I love you so much,” Tom had said with one last breath after laughing.

“I love you, too,” she had said, “that was the best fake sex I’ve had in my life.”

“Hm, I’m pretty sure I’ve given you the best non fake one, too,” he had said cockily.

“Non fake,” she scoffed.

But then they’ve gone back to laughing, eventually somehow it transformed into kissing, and they had spent the night kissing, and giggling and nothing more, probably because they were aware that it was a very risky situation having James right beside and honestly, they were decent but mostly because they didn’t need more. Just the two of them laying down, and merging their lips together, becoming one with the other, was all they needed.

The next day was rather perfect, filming had gone as smoothly as it could go, and though they kept their distance because they were professionals, y/n could tell there was something different about her and Tom. Not sure what but it felt like things could work out. A ray of hope, if one must say.

There had been more cake, more people congratulating her for her birthday and just—Flowers. Sunflowers here and there, Along with blue hydrangeas. Pretty combination. Tom had made sure to fill up the place. She did love the sunflowers. Her mother calling her, auntie Eliza sending her pink carnations, it was—good. Especially after they told everyone about their prank, that made it even better.

“You do have that fake sex aftermath glow,” Emma had joked.

Perfect day, a perfect day until the sun was yawning down, she had put on her best clothes, and she was nervous. Not sure why though.

Tom had invited the cast as well. Nothing could go wrong, and it definitely wasn’t going to, right? Y/N had thought maybe it was a good day after all.

The place had been packed and the first song playing had been Ironic by Alanis Morissette, James had been the first one to point it out, he really liked that song. And though the combination of friends seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster, y/n thought it had gone calmly. At least at the beginning.

The club seemed to be picked out of y/n’s dreams, an 80’s and 70’s paradise playing the songs she loved to sing along to. There was a karaoke, too, in the background, separate from the dance floor. Honestly, the place was perfect. Fun.

And y/n had ignored Cherry’s presence as long as she could, she hadn’t been rude, but of course she’d been avoiding her, because the moment she saw her, y/n did feel insecure. She had shown up with a tight dress that gave nothing to the imagination, and her hair perfectly falling down her shoulders, her whole body shimmered. She was beautiful, beyond compare, perfect.

“Y/N!” She had greeted her. “I’m so glad I see you, I love your dress, hun, happy birthday!”

Her high pitched tone had only made y/n even more insecure. And y/n had seen her dancing, she’d caught Josh’s attention, it had seemed. Even Asa’s and Gregg’s attention. Because of course she would, the girl was perfect.

“Is Tim your boyfriend?” Cherry had asked y/n.

“What?” Y/N didn’t know if she’d heard right. “No… No, he’s not.”

“Oh, I thought he was!”

“Happy birthday!” Someone had yelled as they popped off a bottle.

Y/N could take care of Cherry later, who was actually picking out mostly everyone’s attention.

“Who is she?” Josh had asked her. “If it weren’t for Emma, I’d say she’s the prettiest girl in the world.”

There was a lot to unpack from Josh’ statement.

“That’s my cousin,” she explained. “She’s single, so why don’t you give it a go?” Y/N had suggested, knowing perfectly that if he did, she’d take away another problem. Because she’d seen Harry anxious the moment Josh had showed up.

Y/N didn’t know why she felt like Harry did know about Josh, she wasn’t sure but the same face Harry was giving Josh was the face Y/N gave to Cherry.

Initially, she had seen Cherry approach Tom, she had whispered something in his ear, and he had only gulped before walking off to one of his brothers. It made y/n anxious.

“You know what? You should go and sing Jolene,” Emma suggested, y/n could tell that Emma probably was slightly dizzy, as she had dragged her, Clark and Auli’i to the dance floor, a...very strange combination. Y/N was just a bit bothered by this, since she wanted to be with Tom, or rather, she wanted to pull him away from where Cherry was.

“Jolene?” Auli’i laughed. Felt rather weird for y/n hanging out with celebrities. Tom didn’t count… Not in that way, at least.

“Yes, Jolene,” Emma said. “I’m begging you please don’t take my man!”

“Your man?” Auli’i had asked. “As in Tom?”

Y/N chuckled. “Uh...Well….er.”

“Please, you’re dating, right?” She laughed.

Y/N didn’t answer.

“Please, it’s kind of obvious,” Auli’i explained. “You guys have tried to be subtle but we all know it.”

Well, there goes their attempt at trying to be professional. It didn’t matter, honestly. But it did bother her knowing that Cherry was the only girl in there, but thankfully, her own brother had kept Cherry occupied, thank god.

Y/N was also bothered by the fact Tom wasn’t by her side, just slightly bothered. She guessed, however, that he was having fun with his brothers. She wondered where Timmy was, because all she could see was the guys, and Cherry, at the table getting their asses drunk.

Especially Timmy.

Emma had dragged them back to the place, y/n had tried to get close to Tom, who had also tried to pull her close to him, but somehow she had been dragged away again. It was annoying, and the night kept going like that. She hadn’t had one single minute with Tom, and it was bothering her. Tom, too, it seemed.

Tom was very bothered by the fact that y/n kept being pulled by her friends, not that they were doing it to specifically bother him, but it was… annoying. Also, having Cherry around, was not a perfect situation, especially because she was insisting on talking to him. What in this world was she trying to do?

He didn’t want to deal with that, he only wanted to have fun. Besides, a club with loud music was definitely not the place to talk. Not on his… girlfriend’s? Birthday celebration.

The night was getting blurry, to him, to everyone. Half past twelve, it was getting darker, and the drinks had come and gone, drink after drink. Everyone seemed to be having a very good time, and he wasn’t sure but the lights on the club had probably lowered, flashes green and yellow were blinding him. The group was constantly divided, and he had had only a small chance to dance with y/n. The music was buzzing too loud, as he escaped through the crowds, trying to find y/n, and he saw her, dancing with everyone and then, Timmy had dragged her close to him, she didn’t even notice as she danced and sang along to the… 70’s, yeah 70’s song playing. Tom feared it, because it’s not difficult to know when someone wants to kiss the person you’re in love with. Tim was drunk, Tom knew this, and the look in his eyes was saying everything. And though he didn’t see that look on y/n, he feared it.

Tom quickly had pulled her by the hand and finally wrapped his arms around her so they could dance.

Tim had only rolled his eyes but kept dancing with Emma.

“Hi!” y/n had cheered as soon as she saw Tom.

“Hey!”

“Where have you been?” She asked, leaning to his ear.

“Here and there,” he admitted, she only giggled to lean over to kiss him.

Everything was going too quickly, the lights and music were not helping. They had barely danced before Emma had dragged y/n.

“I’m sorry, Tom, but it’s y/n’s and I turn to go to the karaoke!” Emma had said before getting her away.

“You were getting too comfortable,” Tom had barked at Tim.

“Pff,” Tim had scoffed. “You’re scared it’ll happen again?”

“What?” Tom frowned. “I’m-- she’s with me.”

“Yet she slept with me just before you arrived,” Tim had blurted.

Tom had felt the music getting louder, and louder, just as Tim had left and Tom was sunk into the dancing crowd.

He didn’t have to believe him… right?

In the state of shock, he only tried to follow after where Emma and y/n were heading.The karaoke music was playing, Emma had chosen ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man after midnight!)’ for her and y/n to sing, and they had started, happily singing as she was so unaware of what Tom was feeling right now. Not sure if it was anger, disappointment, jealousy, or all at once.

The group had followed after them, too, as they were expectant to see the birthday girl, first receiving a very flattering shot of… Tom thought it was probably vodka as soon as she got to the stage. Emma and her sang and yelled, and the group danced and danced. Emma being such a crowd pleaser, yelling and making them cheer.

Tom couldn't.

Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers…

There was no sight of Tim, that was alright, he guessed. But then it… Tom’s mind went to every single time he’d seen her around Tim. It was so fucking obvious, of course they had slept together, and y/n probably still had feelings for him.

Tom was the only one who wasn’t dancing.

Emma had jumped off the stage to land on Josh, and then without even thinking about it, she had kissed him, right in front of Harry.

Sam and Clark had joined y/n on the stage, everyone was just too bloody drunk, and the song seemed to be never ending. Or maybe Tom hadn’t noticed when it had changed, it sounded like another ABBA song. And it was… ‘Voulez-Vous’. Now it was Y/N, Sam and Clark.

Tom didn’t even realize when Cherry was around him, and it probably was the alcohol working out but he danced with her. Not sure why.

Y/N saw it, right from the stage, but luckily Clark had been kind enough to dance with her as someone else had hopped to the stage to sing with them, now that y/n was definitely not able to sing.

And just as the song was ending, and as the next group of girls had popped on the stage, she saw it, perfectly happening, Cherry’s lips were on Tom’s.

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emmy-writes-sometimes · 5 years ago

Text

Stuck With You

Sebastian quarantines with you, his co-star, when he feels like you shouldn’t be left alone. When you’re asked to be in a virtual music video, he finally lets a secret slip out.

“I’ll be fine,” you insisted, looking at your friend, Sebastian. He doubted you, clearly, because he was crossing his arms and paying more attention to you than the food on his plate.

“I don’t want you in that house alone,” he said. “North Hollywood’s not a great neighborhood, you don’t have a dog or a security system, and I really don’t like the idea of leaving you alone for this long.” He was right. North Hollywood wasn’t great, and you knew that. Your roommate had moved out so there was a second bedroom and bathroom, and there was definitely enough room for him.

“I’m 22, Seb, I don’t need a babysitter.” You knew he didn’t mind staying there and you secretly wanted him to because he was one of your best friends, even with such a big age gap, and you kind of liked him too. And the fact that he was willing to quarantine himself with you for an indefinite amount of time was, well, your dream. It was better than flying home to see your parents in the middle of a pandemic even if tickets were half of what they normally cost.

“I’m not going to babysit you, if I wanted to do that I would’ve gotten you a juice box instead of a beer.” He had paid for your lunch, since you paid for his coffee that morning, and he had gotten you a beer because you looked like you needed it. And after deciding to stay here instead of go home, you definitely needed it.

“Thank you, Seb, but you really don’t have to.”

“So you’re telling me you want to be alone?” You shook your head, violently.

“No. I just don’t want you to get stuck anywhere you don’t want to.” He chuckled as the check for your food came.

“You are the only person I would want to be stuck with right now. And, besides, if you’re not flying out I probably shouldn’t either. I’ll leave whenever you want me to, but just let me be with you for a few days.” You sighed and crossed your arms against your chest.

“Fine. But you’re paying for the first grocery run.” He grinned. You’d gotten put with him over the last press tour, so you knew that he was a scheming mastermind even if he didn’t look like it. He probably had something up his sleeve.

“Then I’ll meet you with my stuff later tonight.”

Later that night he was there, parking his car in the short driveway, and brought in a massive amount of groceries as well as his bags because he’d checked out of his long term Airbnb (he should really buy a house out there, but he always said New York was home). He was your savior – he’d gotten multiples of all your favorite snacks, including your favorite Australian cookie that was very hard to find for no reason, and three bags of the chips he knew you could get through a full bag of in ten minutes.

“I didn’t get anything to really cook with because I know you like to Postmate in,” he explained as you started putting everything away. He smiled when he realized how excited you were about all of the snacks.

“You’re the best,” you said, walking over to him and giving him a hug. He smiled and messed up your hair before going upstairs to put his bags away and move them into the empty room. Truth be told, he did kind of have an ulterior motive for quarantining. His mission was to make you fall in love with him because he knew about the puppy crush you tried so hard to hide. He was your best friend. He knew you better than almost anyone else, except for your mom, and he knew it wouldn’t be difficult if you were truly stuck there.

For the first few days, things were good. You two became vegetables on the couch, forcing him to re-watch Gossip Girl even though he was in it because you’d never seen it before. Then you’d binged all of the Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Lord of the Rings movies. He would go to the neighborhood gym in the mornings, until it closed, and then he would just go on runs. The only times you were really alone were when he was going on a run. You would go get groceries every now and then, but for the most part you were planted on the couch. Your head would always fall on his shoulder or into his lap if you were laying down and you thought nothing of it. You just liked being close to him and he liked being close to you.

The first interruption came after three weeks. It was the beginning of April and you’d been locked up for so long that you had a breakdown. You just started crying, out of nowhere, and he had no idea what was going on at first. You never really cried in front of him, or in front of anyone. Without even thinking about it, he rushed forward and gave you a hug.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, pulling your hair out of your face. It was just a reflex.

“Nothing, I just… I honestly don’t know why I’m crying. I just hate being so locked up and feeling like I’m going to get sick every time I have allergy problems, and…”

“Okay, breathe, first of all,” he suggested. You took a deep breath that matched his, and after two or three you were just sniffling like it would pull the tears back into your eyes. “Good girl. Now start over.” He brought you over to the couch and you sat down beside him.

“What if one of us gets sick? Or what if this lasts for so long that they just drop the movie and we’re both out of jobs, or what if I just lose my job and I can’t…” He looked at you in a way that nobody else ever had and it made you stop in your tracks. “I��m just worried.”

“Don’t be, alright? I’m here as long as you want me here.” You sniffled and wiped the tears from your cheek with a t-shirt you’d found in the laundry room. On second thought, it was his. And you didn’t even think anything of it because why would you?

Things were different after that. Just the way he’d looked at you made you feel… like even if things didn’t get better, you weren’t alone. He carried you up the stairs to his bedroom that night, not wanting to go to the third floor where your room was, and slept on the other side of the bed so close to the edge that he probably would have fallen off. You woke up, wondering why you were wrapped in the blanket that belonged in the den, and looked over. He was there still, sleeping soundly, but you knew how close he was to the edge. So you pulled him by the t-shirt, half asleep, until he turned over. He opened his eyes just enough to see that you had done it and that you were still asleep. He smiled and went back, too.

You woke up the next morning in the middle of his bed, not the side he didn’t sleep on, and you could hear music from your Alexa in the kitchen. You decided to clean up a little bit because you looked like a complete mess, and after taking a quick shower you walked down to smell that he had been making breakfast and singing along to bad 80’s pop songs.

“You look happy,” you said, almost like you were accusing him of something, and your eyebrow raised when you saw that he was making pancakes. From scratch. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“There’s a lot you still don’t know about me, sweetheart!” He said over the music. You couldn’t help but laugh a little bit, sitting down at the counter because you didn’t quite know how to help. You barely knew how to use the electric oven since you’d had gas your whole life.

“Are there enough for two?” You counted a stack of five already done pancakes and the rest of the bacon that was about to go bad, but you knew Sebastian could eat.

“Duh!” He looked at you like it was obvious. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you to your room last night, I got tired after one flight of stairs. You’re heavier than you look.”

“Hey!”

“Kidding. You’re gorgeous and you know it.” You could feel yourself blushing and to hide it, you turned away and got out two glasses. “Mimosas? At 9 AM on a Tuesday?” You shrugged.

“Bombs away, bitch,” you said as you poured it. He took one anyway, clinking your glasses together before putting the food onto separate plates for you.

“By the way, I have the interview later, the virtual one,” he reminded you. “Can I use your room? It’s the only white wall besides in the stairwell.”

“Yeah, go ahead,” you responded. “Am I allowed in the room?”

“If you want to be. You just have to be quiet though.”

“I’m a quiet person!”

“Sure you are.” You absolutely devoured the food he made and helped him clean everything up. Then he took off to take a shower and find some decent clothes to wear for his interview. He’d finished another movie two weeks before coming to L.A. to work on the movie you two were doing, and both press tours had gotten cut short. Every few days one of you would have an interview to do, or a Zoom call to get on. Most people hadn’t seemed to catch on that you were together, and if they did you knew the first thing they would suspect is that the two of you were together together. You wouldn’t mind, you realized after a few days of being with him. He was slowly starting to grow on you even more – you came to have very strong feelings for the crow’s feet in his eyes, the way he would sing terribly on purpose, and the way he wasn’t afraid to tell you embarrassing stories from his childhood.

You climbed the stairs and made sure Sebastian wasn’t on his interview yet when you climbed onto the bed, out of sight from his camera, and started answering posts on social media and emails like you did almost every morning.

“Does my hair look okay?” He asked, looking over at you. “I have thirty seconds.”

“It looks fine,” you answered. His hair was slightly disheveled, but cute anyway. He was so cute. Ugh, you thought, great. I have a crush on my co-star who was in high school when I was in diapers. He grinned and went back to his interview, starting the camera as soon as it turned noon.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Sebastian asked the interviewer as they came on. “I’m great, thank you.”

“Are you quarantined yet, what’s the situation?” Sebastian glanced up at you and then chuckled nervously.

“Yeah, I’m quarantined in Los Angeles right now, I didn’t feel like it was safe to head back to New York and my co-star had an extra room so I begged her to take me in. It’s pretty slow, we’ve probably spent a few hundred dollars on renting movies at this point, but we’re both healthy as far as we can tell, so we’re good.” It was really the only time he mentioned you, but the entire interview, you were nervous for him. Just in case the question came up again, you remained extra quiet as you typed out emails. One caught your eye, though, and it was from your agent.

It was asking you and Sebastian to be part of a celebrity cameo – halfway to promote the movie, halfway to promote the song – in the new Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber video. About a hundred other people had been asked to record a ten to fifteen second-long clip of dancing with someone, preferably slow dancing. Internally, you were screaming. Of course you wanted to, even if it was just a friends-helping-friends thing. But it was another chance to be close to him and you absolutely wanted that. So you said yes, that you’d con Sebastian into it, and that you’d have the video for them tomorrow.

“Alright, thank you, man! Enjoyed talking to you!” Sebastian was saying his goodbyes on the interview, and even after he turned the camera off, he held his fingers to his lips for a second to make sure it was over before shutting his laptop.

“That went well,” you said.

“I know, right? I thought maybe I’d forget how to do press stuff, but maybe not. Why are you smiling like an idiot?” He flopped down on your bed close to you and you turned the computer toward him to let him read. He read it a few times before looking back at you.

“I told them we’d do it. It’s good press.”

“Fine,” he said. “Come on.” He pulled your laptop off your lap and dragged you downstairs, making sure he had his phone since the camera was better.

“We don’t have to do it now!” You said as he tried to find some place to put the camera. You could just do it in front of the door, you decided, and helped prop it up.

“Alexa, play slow 90’s music!” He commanded. He dragged you over to where he was, taking your hand. Don’t Dream It’s Over started playing right away, which wasn’t a terrible song to dance to.

“You face the camera, I look awful,” you said, looking down at the shorts and t-shirt you were in. He smirked.

“I look worse. Come on, just dance with me, I already hit record.” You looked down for a minute. It was just like acting, right? You looked back up when he put his arm around your waist and pulled you toward him. He had that look in his eyes again and you were glued to them, a stupid smile on your face as he forced you to dance with him. You had taken dance classes, you knew what you were doing, but with him you were tripping over your own feet.

“Stop laughing at me!” You said, laughing yourself. “I think the clip is probably long enough.”

“What if I wanted to keep doing this, though?” His eyes were begging you not to leave, so you didn’t. You found yourself unable to look anywhere else. The idea of the phone recording you went away, the idea that you were tripping over him went away. The song changed to Linger by the Cranberries, and maybe it was the slow guitar and the backing orchestra that made it, but you could have sworn that Sebastian was looking at you like… He leaned slightly closer, like he was about to say something.

“Ah, fuck it.” He closed the gap between you and you stopped, bracing yourself with your hands in his shirt, and his hand moved to your face to hold you there as he kissed you. He actually kissed you. And he didn’t stop.

You got me wrapped around your finger, the song said, and it wasn’t wrong. You tugged him closer and closer, unable to keep from smiling, and eventually he just faded into laughter too. But he didn’t let you go, even when you couldn’t control it anymore.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a really long time,” he admitted with a grin.

“Yeah,” you responded. “Me too.” You leaned your head into his chest and you just stood there for what felt like hours, even after Sebastian had told the Alexa to stop playing music.

“We should probably talk about it, though, right?” He asked finally, pulling away from you. You nodded, knowing he was right, and took his phone off of record. The video was five minutes long. You’d been standing there for five minutes. It felt like both forever and no time at all.

“I like you,” he said as you handed him his phone back. “I really, really like you, and I get it if you don’t because there’s such a big age gap and it might be weird to you, but I think you’re amazing, Y/n.” You took a moment before you answered.

“Is it a little weird? Yeah, maybe, but maybe it’s not. I like you too, I have for awhile, and I just didn’t tell you because I figured you wouldn’t feel the same way. But I guess I was wrong.” He looked down, smiling.

“So if I’d said that right at the beginning of quarantine we’d be in a pretty different place right now, huh?” You nodded.

“I guess. But we know now, and… Do you wanna do this, Seb?”

“Yeah. I really do. I’m sorry I can’t take you out on a date or whatever, but…” You put your arms around him again.

“Just send me the videos and give me some time to change. I can order some food and we can make it seem like a real date?” He smiled and leaned down, fully kissing you again.

“Sounds good. I’ll give you a good hour.” You turned away from him and went up the stairs, sending the video back. You told them to use whatever part of it they wanted after cutting out the part where you were talking.

A few days later, you both curled up on the couch to watch the video premiere. Halfway through, for a few seconds, there was the video where he stopped dancing and leaned down to kiss you. Sebastian looked over at you, smiling, and pulled you in as you continued to watch the video.

“There’s absolutely no one I would rather be stuck with,” he repeated, remembering what he’d said almost two months ago now.

A/N: I hope the anon likes it as much as I do! I loved writing this so much!

#sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine

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goodbysunball · 4 years ago

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Quarantine rock, pt. III

Another long overdue update from the indoors. Hope you and yours are hanging in there - if nothing else, there’s no shortage of great music to keep you company. Here’s my take on some recent favorites.

C. Lavender, Myth of Equilibrium (Editions Mego)

Admittedly had not heard of C. Lavender until her collaborative cassette with Aaron Dilloway dropped earlier this year, but it’s safe to say that the tape was strong enough to blindly buy her new LP on Editions Mego. Myth of Equilibrium has been one of the best surprises from this year, drone at its core but opening up to something much more soothing over repeated listens, despite the jagged edges and tendency to embrace caustic noise. It came as no surprise to find out that C. Lavender embraces sound as a healing medium, as Myth of Equilibrium takes a deep, buzzing bass tone and twists and stretches it until individual packets of sound are weightless and ethereal. “Remedy Potion Extraction” is the most obvious example of this dark-to-light transformation C. Lavender excels at, but mostly the tracks present a satisfying puree of sound over shorter durations (”Engulf the Mystery,” “Dimly Lit Exit”). The brevity is a strength, and in that way C. Lavender reminds me of French duo Femme or even some of Tim Hecker’s work, but without the startling track-to-track transitions of the former or the diaphanous shroud of the latter. The bass keeps Myth of Equilibrium tangible and firmly grounded, and the rest of the sounds conjured by C. Lavender weave a very heady, very rich tapestry. The best respite from 2020 money can buy; soak it in. The LP is sold out from Editions Mego but those in the US can order it direct from C. Lavender for a very fair price.

Kobra, Confusione (Iron Lung)

Alright, I’m admittedly not a huge fan of the cover art for this record, but it’s an easy enough barrier to jump over when the music rips this hard. Kobra is from Italy, and they traffic in a mid-paced, pounding strain of punk that is right up my alley. Sounds like Una Bèstia Incontrolable meets Mecht Mensch to these ears: like the title track, which starts out like “Zombie” and then flips into a UBI-level groove, sax bleating and moaning on top of it all. This is punk through and through, the blown-out drums always there to remind you that this is presented by Iron Lung Records, but there’s a definite early post-punk/art-rock vibe present, too - check the groggy “Fogna” that opens up side B, which kinda sounds like Kobra doing their best impression of the Circle Jerks in Repo Man. The guitars don’t riff as much as they slash and chop, fragmented stabs landing among the onslaught of drums. The vocalist uses a menacing speak-scream (most effectively on ”Sogni Illusioni” and closer “C.P.D.M.”), and if I could speak or read Italian, I’m sure the lyrics would be intelligible amongst the din. Confusione is loaded with hits, but when the band clicks and all the parts come together, Kobra whips up a maelstrom; hard to deny the power of “Dentro Agli Schermi” (my favorite track) or “C.P.D.M.,” and though both of those tracks feature the saxophone, I’m glad the band wields that weapon sparingly for maximum effect. One of the most memorable and exciting punk releases of 2020, for sure, a formidable, brawny brew that’ll flex your pencil neck and have you involuntarily pogoing in no time. Highest recommendation! Confusione is sold out direct from Iron Lung, but Sorry State, Feel It, Grave Mistake, etc. all have it in stock.

Oily Boys, Cro Memory Grin (Cool Death)

The best musical news this year, hands-down: NEW OILY BOYS. Not only was an Oily Boys LP drop completely unexpected, I am completely steamrolled by this record every single time I drop the needle, from the opening “UGH!” on “Given” to the nearly nine minutes of caustic self-loathing on “GTrance.” There’s a definite metallic edge to the way Oily Boys approach punk, from the riffing to Drew Bennett’s brutally intense vocal performance, but while most punkers approach metal as a gimmick and end up sounding pretty tame, Oily Boys just sound absolutely mad - the 1-2 of “C.B.D.” into “My Sex Life,” especially the wild guitar theatrics on the latter, carry an intense, teeth-clenching physicality. If that was all Oily Boys did on this LP, it’d be a success, but the band throws curveballs and mid-tempo fits across Cro Memory Grin’s 13 tracks. “Heat Harmony” was the most jarring inclusion at first, relatively tuneful dark punk that could’ve been lifted from drummer Yuta Matsumura’s other band Orion. It definitely works, and the slightly softened approach of the band thankfully has no effect on Drew Bennett’s vocals. “Lizard Scheme” is another detour, swelling noise and Bennett’s barking (”Stupid is as stupid does, jazz boy!” is a choice lyric), reminiscent of Gutter Gods’ dizzying “Allan.” Probably the two most pummeling tracks here slow the tempos significantly and close out each side: “Stick Him,” my favorite track, and “GTrance,” the exhaustive closer. “Stick Him” is absolutely ferocious, the band emphasizing the quiet-loud dynamic with saxophone, the loud parts lurching into place like heavy machinery turning on, Bennett screaming the title with a violent ferocity. Where “Stick Him” is feral, the screed unleashed on “GTrance” by Bennett feels therapeutic, expelling every bit of toxic bile into the song without a break, and even if there is no resolution, the end result is a momentary peace, the same kind afforded by pushing to the full extent of one’s mental or physical abilities. That kinda seems like the point of Oily Boys, from the self-effacing name to the poisonous lyrical content to the absolutely ferocious performance: know your enemies, push back against the lowering boot of the world, fuck the rest. 2020′s best punk record, no contest, and maybe even the best record/soundtrack to the perfect storm of this year. Sick artwork/inserts on this LP, a nice job as usual from Cool Death. Cro Memory Grin is still available direct from them, and Goner still has it domestically.

Subdued, Over the Hills and Far Away (Roachleg)

With last year’s Bad Breeding LP still fresh and prescient as ever, and the political climate seemingly spiraling into reality TV while people mercilessly struggle and suffer all over, it seemed like scoping this new LP from the UK’s Subdued was more than appropriate. It’s reductive and maybe a little offensive to mention UK compatriots Bad Breeding in the first line of this review, but the similarities are hard to ignore: both bands create fiery politically-charged punk that flirts with metal and noise, delivered in screamed vocals with a heavy British accent. Subdued don’t fly off the rails as much as Bad Breeding; there’s more of a Crass/Rudimentary Peni vibe, with the emphasis on vocal delivery and riffs rather than conjuring a visceral tornado of noise. Sometimes the riffs can be a little clunky (particularly the end of “The Joke,” even though “Is hope the joke?” is a pretty powerful lyric), and for how much room the vocals are given, the lyrics can tread into oft-used clichés. Doesn’t make the message any less true, and I think the longer I spend with Over the Hills and Far Away, the more I come under its spell. “Problem of Evil” is probably the best song here, a near-perfect blend of deathrock, stomping riffs and barked vocals, and when it turns into the sprint of “No More,” Subdued are an undeniable force. Not sure if it just takes me until those two songs to warm up to Over the Hills, but the B-side of the LP seems to be more memorable - like the world-beating metallic riffs of the title track, or the frenetic guitar solo that finishes off “Call to Suffer.” There’s more than enough at play on Over the Hills to keep me coming back, and overall it’s a strong debut LP, and a great reason to check in with what Roachleg Records is bringing to the US punk scene. Cop the LP direct from Roachleg, and if you’re lucky you might have a chance at one of the limited-to-100 hand-screened covers. La Vida Es Un Mus put out the LP for the rest of the world, another solid co-sign for Subdued.

Aviador Dro, Nuclear, Sí 7″ (La Vida Es Un Mus) // Algara, Enamorados Del Control Total 7″ (La Vida Es Un Mus)

I don’t think these two 7″s have much in common other than the fact that they’re both put out by La Vida Es Un Mus, they’re both sung in Spanish and they’ve both been ruling my turntable this year. The Aviador Dro record is a reissue, one that came out last year, and it’s a gem: sci-fi keyboard punk from the '80s, the titular track one of the best songs I’ve ever heard, a slinking, funky beat driving the song into your brain forevermore. The B-side feels more edgy than the A-side but it’s all undeniably great; Paco did us all a favor by repressing this record, and continuing to keep it in print. Fast forward to 2020 for Algara’s 7″, their debut, which came out way back in pre-pandemic January. The cover art caught my eye, and the spindly, groovy drum-machine post-punk within is immediately addictive. The label says Crisis and Joy Division are in Algara’s musical DNA, and that sounds about right; the sound is spare, you can kinda dance to it, the bass lines carry the weight and the wiry guitars smear into each other (”Miedo a Perder”) or stitch single golden threads into the tapestry (”Dopamina y Producción”). Algara’s a 4-piece now, and they’ve got an LP coming soon on LVEUM, so 2021′s lookin’ bright. Both 7″s are mandatory, widely available from distros and direct from La Vida Es Un Mus. Scope the feature that Lulu’s wrote on Algara while you’re at it.

Saskia, Eeuwig Op Reis 7″ (Stroom)

The record collector sweat starts when you read about a 7″ reissued from a “highly intimate cassette” limited to ten or so copies in 1983, circulated only amongst friends and family. My eyes typically roll at such uncovered “gems” or whatever, but these two songs definitely deserve a wider audience. “My Lips Get Hot” splits the difference between the foggy late night atmosphere conjured by Chromatics and a breezy Balearic vibe, topped by sensual, high-pitched vocals that really drive the whole woozy, lovesick message home. The flip has the instrumental “You Left Your Soul Behind,” wherein said Balearic vibe is now at the forefront. It’s a strong track on its own, but kinda just serves as the comedown from “My Lips Get Hot” in this presentation. Stroom continues to unearth overlooked records with unnerving ease, and this Saskia 7″ might be the one that makes the label a more common name. One copy of this record is left at Stroom’s Bandcamp as of this writing - move quick.

Glen Schenau, “Jhumble” b/w “Jearnest” (self-released)

Glen Schenau is at the forefront of Brisbane’s experimental musical scene; he’s done time in Kitchen’s Floor, Bent and has even self-released a few things under his own name. The solo stuff I’ve checked by him was restless, frantic guitar and bass lines seemingly swimming against the current of his Bryan Ferry crooning. While there’s no denying that it was singular, it never really coalesced for me in the same way that this new 7″ does. That same restlessness is still at play here, obvious from the beginning strumming of “Jhumble,” and Schenau seems to still relish the vocal stylings of Ferry, though his vocals also remind me of some of the alterna-rock radio I was subjected to while working in a warehouse during summers between school. Normally that sort of vocal homage would send me running to the hills, but it really works here: the busy guitar line and the drums lock into an undeniable groove on “Jhumble,” and whatever Glen is singing, the melody is stuck in my head for days. “Jearnest” is my pick, the more difficult foil to “Jhumble”’s pop leanings. The sprightly guitar at the beginning is submerged into this rubbery goo, which eventually takes over the song while a whistle floats in to carry a melody over the tarry pit. Can’t say I’ve ever heard anything like it, but it doesn’t just float along on that claim; this is a highly potent brew served up on both sides of this single. Glen self-released this record and it’s limited to 150 copies; mine came with a hand-written note and drawing, which was a nice touch. High marks all around. I’ve got to echo Matt K.’s sentiments when he reviewed this record: “Seems like every Australian band gets their own album without much delay, so I have to ask: where the hell is Glen Schenau’s?!”

#C. Lavender #Kobra #Oily Boys #Subdued #Aviador Dro #Algara #Saskia #Glen Schenau #Editions Mego #Iron Lung Records #Cool Death Records #La Vida Es Un Mus #Roachleg #Stroom

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idthellyeah-blog · 5 years ago

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A totally timely and significant review of Rancid’s “...And Out Come The Wolves”

(I honestly don’t remember when I wrote this, maybe 2015. Definitely just got jacked up on something and decided that I needed to write a track by track review of an album I loved when I was a cool punk teen. It has just been sitting in my Google Drive patiently waiting to be posted.)

I remember the first time I ever heard/saw Rancid was when the video for “Salvation” off of their second album “Let’s Go” premiered on MTV. Such an 80’s/90’s kid thing to do, discovering a new band by seeing a music video on TV, ugh. I thought the leather clad mohawked bad boys were amazing and perfect and so cool...that I immediately tried to spike my hair using gelatin (tru punx only) and got a leather jacket (did not look that cool and was very sweaty). When “...And Out Come The Wolves” came out the next year (1995, I’m old AF) I was totally enamored and had found my #1 favorite album of all time (that lasted for like a year until music got better). I was supposed to go see Rancid at a big show in Omaha, I lived in a small town called Columbus that was roughly 90 minutes away from the big city...but the day of my mom didn’t let me go because I had bad math grades. I reacted the way any entitled white teen did, by laying in the garage and crying and playing their album. That show wound up being a huge to-do when fans tore up seats in the venue and threw cushions at the band leading to Rancid not playing Omaha for a long time. I missed out on some cool bad-ass punk rock shit, first world problems. Fast forward to today when I decided that I, Ian Douglas Terry, needed to write out a song-by-song review of this quintessential punk album. I’m a real music nut, and obviously very good at structured writing...so here we go! (Rock on)

1. Maxwell Murder - Oh boy, this one starts with like a subway train sound and then the beginning of a killer/complicated Matt Freeman bass line. That dude SHREDS the bass, and even has a wild solo in this song. That’s tight. Why did they stop letting him sing? He sounded like a fun Muppet on their first album and I loved his songs. Maybe he wanted to focus on just shredding the bass and using tons of pomade.

2. The 11th Hour - This song is great. It is poppy and upbeat and about a woman having dreams and demanding answers. Hell yeah. I love good punk music that supports women and feminism and figuring out where the power lies (spoiler alert, it starts and ends with you). Remember how Brody from The Distillers left Tim Armstrong for the dude from Queens of the Stone Age? And then he got all fat and got a beard? I can completely relate to that, and have been there sans beard.

3. Roots Radicals - This song RULES. I had to look up what “Moonstompers” were and who “Desmond Dekker” was. I remember trying to relate to this like it could somehow compare to living in a town with 20,000 people and the nicest Wal-Mart in the tri-county area. Remember how there was that Spanish language cover of this on one of those “Give Em The Boot” comps that Hellcat put out? That was real tight.

4. Time Bomb - Hit single baby! This had a huge hand in getting punk kids into reggae/ska for sure. Killer organ solo, lots of rude boy shit going, I loved it so much. Tim Armstrong totally re-used lyrics from the song “Motorcycle Ride” from the previous album...which is hilarious. Like c’mon dawg...you should know your own lyrics. I learned how to do the solo from this and felt like a guitar god (it is a very easy solo, like almost too easy).

5. Olympia, WA - I love songs like this that are about cities that the band isn’t from...so you have to fire up your imagination (or just read the lyrics) and be like, “What went down in Olympia, Washington????”. Turns out it was mostly hanging out on different streets in New York and playing pinball with Puerto Ricans while wishing you were with a person who you were sleeping with in Washington. Hell yeah, just like Shakespeare.

6. Lock, Step & Gone - Songs about docks were HUGE in my youth. Dropkick Murphy’s had like eight songs about boys on them, and this Rancid song alludes to them. I loved all of the blue collar, working class ideology that had nothing to remotely do with my comfortable upper middle class (not sure if that’s accurate because my parents were teachers, and like is there even a middle class any more?) life. This song definitely sums itself up at then end when it says “There’s a whole lot of nothin”.

7. Junky Man - Another theme that I could definitely relate to in a town of 20,000 people with like ten people who did meth...Junkies! This song is pretty great because the dude from the Basketball Diaries does some sick poetry in it...that movie was nuts. I like that song that he later wrote/sang about all the people he knew who died. The only way poetry can be cool is if the person is an insane drug addict with cool/sad stories to tell. Otherwise it is just loud diary reading.

8. Listed MIA - At this point I wholeheartedly agree with this song, “I’m checking out”. I don’t know if I ever really liked this song or if this was just part of the “I accidentally left it playing after the first four songs that I liked were over”. Lars says the derogatory f-word for homosexuals in it, because people called him that word...that doesn’t seem cool man. I get that it rhymes with “maggots”, but maybe give white dudes in the Midwest less reasons to sing that word out loud.

9. Ruby Soho - This is one of the best songs ever, hands down. It is beautiful and you can barely understand what Tim Armstrong is saying but it is wonderful. I feel like deciphering his lyrics led me to be able to understand most speech impediments, so hell yeah. This song is about loving someone a lot but having to leave them because it isn’t working out. This song was the blueprint for every romantic relationship I’ve ever had in my entire life so it might be a gypsy curse.

10. Daly City Train - Oh hell yeah, fun Reggae drums! Through punk and ska I grew to appreciate Reggae, but through being bummed out about that culture’s deep seated homophobia and the fact that most of it is super repetitive and boring and for dad’s on vacation. I’m just glad that 311 taught me to love those smooth Caribbean sounds again (oh god am I joking or am I serious, I can’t tell any more please save me).

11. Journey to the End of the Easy Bay - I can still play this bass line and was very proud of myself the first time I half-way pulled it off. It doesn’t sound as smooth and nuanced as the way Matt Freeman plays it, but goddamn it I think that was the height of my skill as a musician. This song rules themes about needing to belong and finding a place with people who thought and felt the same as you...and then losing it as everyone grows out of it. This was most of my early 20’s. I grew up in a scene with similarly minded people, it eventually ended and I still have contact with some of those people but that point in my life will never be replicated. I finally belonged somewhere and was part of something bigger than me. Now I do comedy and it is bleak, entitled, and sad and mostly alcoholics talking about their dicks. Please take me back.

12. She’s Automatic - This is not a bad song but a very confusing way to describe a woman. I get that it means she is effortless in “the way that she moves” but maybe I’m not giving Lars any poetic license because he looks like a guy who punched books. This woman sounds great though, and I’m sure they dated for three months. Revisiting this and that era reminds me that I almost had sex with a girl at the first X-men movie...man, being punk ruled.

13. Old Friend - Back to the Raggae! This song is pretty great, but they really missed an opportunity of selling this to a heartburn medicine company. “Good morning heartache, you’re like an old friend come and see me again”...that would be perfect for a commercial of a guy eating a giant plate of lasagna and making a “Oh boy, I did it again!” face. The Transplants sold a song to that fruit shampoo, maybe this is something I can retroactively help negotiate.

14. Disorder and Disarray - I love when punk bands have songs about “business men” being evil and the industry being bad. Like when Against Me were part of an Anarchist collective and then on a major label putting out really bad music. Rancid was at least on Epitaph, which while arguably not “cool” it was at least run by a kind of punk dude who is responsible for the biggest/shittiest corporate garbage of a festival, The Warped Tour. This song has a part towards the end where they talk to each other like David Lee Roth would do in Van Halen songs, that rules.

15. The Wars End - I get that this is a song about little Sammy being a punk rocker but at this point I think they should have admitted this album was fine with 10-12 songs and maybe some of these were super repetitive and unnecessary. It's like you’re forcing it. I can’t imagine the dude who recorded it had a lot of fun and he probably fell asleep and was startled awake and had to pretend like he’d been paying attention the whole time.

16. You Don’t Care Nothin - This starts out with the exact chord progression from Journey To The End Of The East Bay….c’mon guys. You Don’t Care Nothin about being succinct and making your songs individual expressions of art! The themes even seem like something they’ve already gone over. I’m going to eat some soup, brb.

17. As Wicked - Is this a different song or a weird breakdown? Oh, it’s a different song. Well...this soup is pretty good. Chicken Noodle, but the chunky kind. It isn’t amazing but it is good. I should really cook more. Maybe I’ll order Chinese later.

18. Avenues & Alleyways - I don’t really have a problem with this song because it has the “Oi oi oi” chant that the bands I was in during High School would do and we had no idea why other than popular bands doing it. It is very catchy. It sounds like the other two songs were just building up to finally getting your attention back. Plus it has a breakdown with people clapping, that is always fun. This has to be the last song right? It is the perfect last song on an album!

19. The Way I Feel - FUUUUUUUCK! What? Really should have ended the album on that last song, it had a good “anthem” vibe and at least wrapped this up into a somewhat sensible endeavor. This song could have been stuck in the middle somewhere, or maybe just not recorded with about seven others? The Way I Feel about this album is that there are some parts that hold up and are still fun to listen to, but the rest of it just seems like I’m being forced to read my own teenage diary and it is boring and sad. Nostalgia is a bummer, I can’t imagine having Rancid still be my favorite band. I’d probably still wear a chain wallet and spiky bracelet and be one of those obnoxious old drunk weirdos I see at shows that stick out like crazy sore thumbs. Bummer dude.

Oh wow, what a journey (to the end of the east bay, am I right?)...I’m glad I was finally able to get this review out so people could finally know what this album means to me and my generation of lazy weirdos. This took me six months to write and I should be congratulated for being a journalist with tons of integrity and great taste. True punks never die, they just eventually chill out and shop at Kohl’s.

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pinesconessecrets · 5 years ago

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Secret Santa for Trustintoast

((Happy Holidays @trustintoast ! I’m your secret santa! You wanted “Awkward Nerd Love”, mixed with “Casual Everyday”, and “Pinescone vs. Disney World”, So I tried to combine them a little. I’m sorry that it’s Disneyland, instead of World–I’ve only been to DisneyWorld once, but I’ve been to DL multiple times, so I thought it would be easier to explain. I’m also sorry that I cut it much shorter. I wanted to make sure you got your gift, but I initially had more planned with them at the park. I hope you still like it. And if not, I could come back and fix it up for you. Thank you for the wait. I hope you had a happy holidays. Enjoy your gift!))

—

“Sunscreen?”

“Check!”

“Change of Clothes?”

“Double Check!”

“Money for Souvenirs?”

“Triple Check!”

“Backpacks for everyone to carry their supplies?”

“Check Check Check! We’re good babe.”

“Well, I would expect nothing less from my favorite organizer.”

The man in the passenger seat blushed at the compliment, hiding behind his phone.

From the backseat came, “I want to get some Mickey Mouse Ears!” followed by a thump thump thump!

The driver scowled in the rearview mirror at his brother, “Greg, we’ll get you your Mickey Mouse ears, but please stop kicking the back of my seat. It’s not going to make me drive any faster.”

Another voice from the backseat exclaimed, “I WANT BABY YODA!!!” followed by an even louder THUMP THUMP THUMP!

“Ahhh! Mabel, what are you, five? Don’t kick the back of my seat!”

“Why do you get shot gun, Dip n Dots!” The female voice, now identified as Mabel Pines, pouted.

“Because I’m the one with the map!” The passenger, her twin brother Dipper Pines, explained.

“Your map is literally your phone, open to google maps! Anyone of us could have done it.”

“But no one would look as cute as Dipper,” The driver, Wirt, said with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks.

“Ewwwww, gag me with a spoon!” Mabel groaned, sinking into her seat.

“No being gross and mushy on this trip,” The last rider, Greg, huffed. He gave his brother’s seat another thorough kick.

“Hey! Greg! Knock it off! I can still turn this car around!” Wirt warned.

Greg rolled his eyes, leaning over to whisper in Mabel’s ear, “Yeah right. We’re stuck in traffic. We’re not going anywhere.” Mabel snickered.

“I heard that!”

The two backseat passengers snapped to attention, biting their bottom lip to keep from further chortling.

“Also, we’re going to Disneyland, the “happiest place on earth!” I think a little mushiness is to be expected,” Dipper said, turning to look back at his sister.

“Yeah, but we’re in a car for the next 2 hours, and if I have to listen to you two flirt, I think I’d rather walk the rest of the way.”

“You’re just bitter cause you have no one to flirt with.” Mabel gasped, a hand to her chest, “You wound me dear brother! How dare you say such slanderous and true words!”

Dipper rolled his eyes, turning back in his seat.

“Hey! Why aren’t we playing Disney music? This is a road trip to Disneyland! Shouldn’t we be jamming out to some classic hits?” Mabel leaned forward, trying to grab the aux cord.

Dipper smacked her hands away, “Ugh, no Mabel! How tacky can you get!”

“You’re tacky!” Mabel snapped back.

“YEAH, I AGREE, THIS CAR IS TOO QUIET! WE NEED SOME DISNEY MUSIC!” Greg shouted, siding with Mabel.

“We’re going to be there for hours! We’ll get plenty of Disney cheer at the park,” Wirt tried to protest. He just knew that if they played that music, he’d wind up with a headache.

But both his and Dipper’s words were quickly drowned out by the two excitable chantings of “Disney Music! Disney Music! Disney Music!”

“They’re not going to stop…” Dipper muttered.

Wirt groaned, wanting to slam his head on the steering wheel, “I know…”

Dipper whipped back around, glaring, “Fine, you heathens! You win!”

“YAY!!!!”

“YAY!!!!” The two simultaneously cheered.

Mabel leaned back over, triumphantly taking the aux cord as her prize, and plugged it in to her bedazzled phone. She turned the volume up to the max.

“Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride” from Lilo and Stitch filled the car.

Dipper slammed his head back into the headrest, “Hooray~” He droned.

Mabel sneered evilly, “Oh don’t pretend like you hate it Dipstick! In fact, If I remember, I believe it was you who wanted to play the Frozen 2 soundtrack in the car, on the way back from the theatre.”

Dipper lit up like a Christmas Tree. He began stuttering weakly in Wirt’s direction, as if trying to save face, “T-that’s only because the soundtrack was really good this time, and had an air of folk that the first movie severely lacked. It made Frozen 2 feel more genuine to the original story. I was just really impressed this time–”

“Right…Right…Oh but wait…which song was your favorite again?” Mabel asked, putting a finger to her cheek, pretending to think. Then that wicked smile returned, full force, “Oh yeah! It was “Lost in the Woods”!”

“Mabel, NO! STOP! Have mercy!”

But there was no mercy for those who cursed Disney music.

“Wait…which one was Lost in the Woods again?” Wirt asked. He thought back to the movie, trying to remember which of those songs would be Dipper’s favorite. Was it the lullaby song? Or the one Elsa sang?

Mabel and Greg’s eyes sparkled with ill intent; Dipper ducked low into his seat, but there was no escaping, no hiding.

Not when Mabel had control of the radio. And with that innocent question, the song that followed was an 80’s-esque rock ballad.

“Oh…Oh. Y-yeah…this makes sense,” Even Wirt couldn’t hide the slight curl of his lips. He cast his boyfriend a sidelong glance.

Dipper looked out his window, longingly. He wondered if it wasn’t too late to throw himself out of the passenger side door, into oncoming vehicles.

…But they were stuck in the deadlock of traffic, so that plan was quickly, and regretfully, forgotten.

—

“Hi, can I get 8 breakfast Jack meals–”

“Wirt, I want pancakes!” Greg whined.

“Greg, they don’t serve pancakes–” “Actually they do. You can do the mini pancakes, or the Jumbo Breakfast platter,” Mabel pointed out.

Wirt looked at the menu, eyebrows rising, “Wow, when did they add that?” It had been a very long time since he’d eaten here. This fast food chain was more recognizable in the west coast then the east.

“I want the Jumbo Breakfast!” Greg shook the driver’s seat.

“Greg, are you going to finish that? I don’t want to buy something unless you’re sure you’ll eat it.”

“Silly ol brother o’ mine, I’m a growing boy! I can totally eat all that,” Greg patted his stomach like it was a djembe drum. His stomach growled back, as if to second it’s owner’s proclamation.

Wirt muttered dejectedly to himself, “And the syrup in the car…that’s just an accident waiting to happen…”

“Sir…you’re holding up the line…” the timid voice on the speaker mumbled.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m very sorry! Just give me one more minute,” Wirt apologized; he didn’t expect breakfast to be this stressful. He was almost certain that when he was little, ordering breakfast on a road trip was a simple endeavor.

Then again, Wirt easily accepted what his parent’s ordered for him.

“Can I order a milkshake?”

“Mabel, It’s 7:30 in the morning,” Wirt looked at her in abject horror.

“…And?” Mabel so eloquently put it.

“Guys, come on, can’t we just make it simple?…Dipper you’re fine with what I ordered, right?”

Dipper flashed his lover a guilty smile, “Well, um, actually, I was going to ask if I could order from the lunch menu instead…I prefer their lunch over their breakfast…”

Wirt was utterly betrayed, “E tu?”

Dipper put his hands together, mumbling a soft, but pleading, “Sorry, and thank you!”

Wirt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Everyone hurry up and tell me what you want–exactly what you want! Because I really don’t want to waste this poor lady’s time any further, and the cars behind me are starting to angrily honk their horns.”

And suddenly the car was filled with a cacophony of different requests.

“One at a time! One at a time!” Wirt cried, trying to figure out whose request was who’s.

Was this what it was going to be like from now one, being the driver of a road trip? Endless chatter, constant bickering, and indecision when ordering food–topped off by off key singing to the same playlist for the next couple hours. Oh this was not looking good for his sanity.

“…Sir…” the voice on the headset whimpered, sounding even smaller.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Just one more second. I promise!”

The car behind him rammed their horn. When Wirt peeked in the rearview window, he could see an elderly woman flipping him the bird.

—

When he pulled up to the window, the lady who handed him the food was shaking, her eyes big and fearful. She shrunk back when Wirt took the bags from her hands, as if she was expecting him to yell at her.

Wirt understood that anxiety so well, he once more apologized for the commotion, and slipped a 20 dollar tip into her hand.

When he pulled away, the lady seemed a little less on edge.

—

An hour later, and Wirt’s resistance was starting to crumple.

After 20 songs, food sitting comfortably in his belly, and more than a couple loving looks from his boyfriend, Wirt was beginning to enjoy the ride.

He even did the unthinkable, and turned up the dial on the radio when “I Just Can’t Wait to be King” started up. The look of shock– quickly followed by glee– from his family’s faces was priceless.

And when he joined in singing “When Will my Life Begin” with the rest of them, he knew he was doomed.

Goodbye Sanity. T’was nice knowing you. Come back soon.

—

As soon as they arrived, Wirt had to keep a tight hold on the back of Greg’s shirt, because the teen was desperately trying to run off.

“Greg, I don’t care if you’re 13 now, you stay by my side until we get inside the park. I don’t want to lose you on the bus, or have some weirdo try to kidnap you.”

“Ugh, Wirt, stop treating me like a child–” Greg huffed.

“Well, you have a habit of getting us into trouble,” Wirt said, though he quickly realized the person usually getting them into trouble was himself.

“No you!” Greg snapped, though his smirk was playful.

“No You!” Wirt snapped back, also smiling.

They stuck their tongues out at one another.

Meanwhile, Mabel was dragging her brother violently towards the buses, her excitement having reached critical, “Come on Dipper, quit dragging your feet! We’re here!!! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

“Mabel, stop pulling, I need to tie my shoe. I’m gonna trip. M-Mabel! Wirt, help me! She’s gone mad!”

“Mabel Madness! I’M COMING FOR YOU BABY YODA, YOU WILL BE MINE!” Mabel cackled, sounding like a disney villain.

“Wirt!!!!”

—

“Okay, so we should start at heading for Adventure Island and work our way around,” Wirt traced the map with his finger, showing their destined path.

“I think we should go counterclockwise, cause the more popular rides will get populated in the evening, as more guests arrive,” Dipper argued, tracing the map opposite Wirt.

“BABY YODA! We gotta start with Galaxy’s Edge, because that’s going to be the most crowded of all! We want to get in a few rides early,” Mabel chimed in, vigorously pointing at the newest area.

The three bickered about what to do, until they realized there was one more person with them, and turned to Greg to be the tie breaker.

Greg looked at the three expectant faces, trying to decide who would be the right choice.

He should side with his brother…but then again, Dipper was well organized…on the other hand, Mabel was his best friend…but Wirt usually knew best…but Dipper and Mabel had been to Disney before…but– “Um…Um…Maybe, we could…flip a coin?” Greg finally suggested.

The three young adults groaned.

“Greg, there’s three of us, and there’s no such thing as a three sided coin,” Wirt reprimanded.

Greg squinted at his brother, then turned to address the twins, “Well then we’ll flip for Mabel and Dipper’s plan, since Wirt has been eliminated from making a choice.”

“Hey! Wait! What? Greg!”

—

Galaxy’s Edge was packed when the four walked through the gates. Like a can of sardines, the group shuffled slowly through the crowds, trying not to get separated. Wirt kept one hand tightly on his brother’s, while the other hand clung to the back of Dipper’s jacket. The waving bodies made him feel nauseous and claustrophobic, but he swallowed it back, determined not to get sick so early in the day.

Everything would be fine as long as they stuck together.

At least, until Mabel saw her baby yoda plush hanging from one of the open stall shops–at which point, she made a mad dash for the store, barreling a way through. Many people ducked out of her way as she ravenously charged for her prize.

Within seconds, the path she had carved was swallowed up by the park goers.

“Mabel, get back here!” Dipper yelled, but she was already gone. “Wirt, can you–?”

He didn’t need to be asked twice. Wirt craned his head to keep his eyes on her. It wasn’t hard when she was wearing a glittery red sweater, and matching sparkly headband.

However, just as he spotted her long brown hair fluttering, he felt his brother’s hand slip out of his hold.

He whipped his head back around, catching a glimpse of green as his brother slipped under people’s legs, heading towards the giant Millennium Falcon building

“Greg! W-wait! Get back here!” His voice croaked– but just like his brother, and Dipper’s sister–it was swallowed up by the crowd.

Panic began to bubble up in his stomach. Wild thoughts flitted through his head–one after the other, each one worse than the last. Getting lost in a big place like this– this was not good! And Dipper was dragging him in one direction, while his brother was running in the other. He stuttered over his tongue, trying to find the words to stop them, but bit his tongue in the process. The bodies swayed to and fro, pushing him and pulling him; his hands were clammy, and he could feel his own grip loosening. The feeling of anxiety mounted, as his vision grew spotty.

Not good, not good, not good, not– Dipper intertwined their fingers, squeezing, and all the previous anxieties melted away. They were stopped in the middle of the walkway, with a few annoyed people passing them by, but Dipper was looking at him with a composed smile. Dipper wasn’t often composed–they were both nervous, stuttering messes in the worst of situations. But right now, seeing Dipper’s relaxed composition, and having the man’s hands tightly holding his, he could see those few glimpses of bravery, of excitement and calculated analytics–one of the many reasons he fell for the man in front of him.

“Don’t worry, everyone’s got cell phones. Nothing’s going to happen. We’ll grab Mabel, and then find Greg. He’s right, you know? He’s not a baby anymore–you don’t have to worry so much about him. It’s going to be okay Wirt, just breathe. I’m here. We’re going to have fun today, I promise. So relax, and just breathe.”

Those simple words were a great start, though Wirt knew it was still going to take some convincing.

He took a deep inhale through his nose, releasing a shaky exhale from his mouth.

“Right…fun. We’re here to have fun.” He inhaled once more; his second exhale was steadier, “…Okay. Let’s go save the poor sales clerk from your sister.”

Dipper’s smile turned to something more bubbly; it was clear he was just as excited to be here as the other two. After all, this was Dipper’s whole childhood, of course he would be geeking out–especially when his favorite franchise finally had its own area. But he was still trying to stay cool for his lover, and Wirt truly appreciated that level headedness right now. Dipper squeezed Wirt’s hand one more time for boosted confidence.

The bodies swayed, but Dipper and Wirt swayed with them, keeping afloat in the massive ocean of Star Wars fans.

—

From there, the group went from each area to the next, riding the different attractions, and exploring the many stores offered. Lines were long, sometimes 40 minutes long, but the group kept distracted with playful banner, and dumb word games.

Mabel lugged her new Yoda doll in her arms, cradling it like a newborn baby. Dipper swore he could even hear her cooing to it from time to time.

Greg ate a churro that was sprinkled with blue candy powder–the “light side” churro saber.

Wirt was spooning the last of his frozen lemonade into his mouth, reluctantly wearing a pair of Sorcerer’s apprentice, Mickey Mouse ears that Greg had put on him.

Dipper stared at his family, feeling a calming bliss that he often didn’t get to experience by himself. As he watched his family, trying to decide where to go next, what to do next, Dipper blessed his lucky stars–When you wish upon a star playing in the back of his mind–that he had such a perfectly crazy, but loving family.

Wirt looked over, noticing Dipper’s stare, and he smiled bashfully, cheeks pink. “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing, just…I’m having a good time,” Dipper replied.

“Even with this heat, and this crowd?” Wirth inquired.

Dipper leaned his head briefly on Wirt’s shoulder, and for a second–just a second– he braced his hands around Wirt’s arm, holding him like they were a lovesick, brand new couple, “Yeah…Is it preemptive to say that I don’t want this day to end?”

Wirt laughed, the blush rising to the tips of his ears, “Well, it’s barely noon, there’s still plenty of time left in the day–so, yes. But I think I know what you mean.” Wirt ducked down, kissing Dipper’s sweat soaked, bang covered, forehead, “For my first time here…I thought it was going to be a lot worse. But I got to say, with you and Mabel here–it’s still pretty hectic…but much more enjoyable.”

Dipper’s eyes widened, “This is your first time here at Disney?” “Dipper, I lived in Massachusetts for most of my childhood! Of course it is!”

Dipper eyes started to sparkle, “Well then, I got a lot of lasting memories to leave you with.” He liked the challenge already.

Seeing the adorable, childlike expression on the 19 year old, made Wirt laugh even harder, “Well I look forward to seeing what you pull off!”

Dipper started babbling excitedly, “Oh man, we have to go on the Matterhorn next! It’s pretty fast, and a little wild, but really fun. And it’s two to a seat…so maybe you and I could share a—AH! Ohhh, I just remembered. The matterhorn macaroons are the best–you have to try them, although that’s located at the Jolly Holiday Bakery! But we’ll make sure to get some. I’ve got the perfect plan for hitting all the rides and best locations in the most amount of time, even with the long lines. Hmm, I guess I have to show you “It’s a Small World”–it’s not super fun–kinda annoying, but it’s a Disneyland staple. But if we’re going by Disney staples, then we gotta do Big Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Space Mountain. Ohhh I gotta figure out what to do for lunch. There’s so many good choices–but also really crappy ones, so be careful. Don’t worry, me and Mabel know the best…Mabel–Hey, hey, Mabel! Where should we go to lunch!? It’s Greg and Wirt’s first time at Disney! We gotta make it special! Mabel, did you hear me?”

Hearing that it was their first time, Mabel squealed excitedly, and began babbling alongside her brother, the two practically speaking codes. Greg and Wirt watched the two in amazement, both intrigued, and horrified–well, mostly Wirt is horrified– at the shift in fanatics.

“I wanna go on Indiana Jones! And Oh, Pirates of the Carribean, we have to ride that too! I wanna see Jack Sparrow! Hey, hey Wirt, should we get autographs since we never got them before?” Greg chimed in, the enthusiasm contagious. This gets Dipper and Mabel squawking even more eagerly.

“Is it true that they have giant Turkey legs here? And something called “Hidden Mickeys?” Wirt asked, trying to keep up with the rest of his family. He didn’t want to feel so out of the loop, but maybe playing along was a little much, considering the effect it was having.

The twins looked like they’re going to explode at this point, ready to burst with all their Disney trivia and knowledge.

Wirt sighed, mumbling softly to himself, “I’m just thankful I didn’t plan a trip to Disneyworld. I’m scared to see you guys planning out your day there.”

The conversation stopped dead. Dipper and Mabel turned, eyes wide, pupils dilating. Wirt realized too late, that they had heard him.

And suddenly, the conversation turned to plans for next year, and tickets to Florida, and overnight stays at cheap hotels. Epicot, and Animal Kingdom, and the water parks in summer–all the special foods and treats that Magic Kingdom had over Disneyland. His mumblings had gotten Greg excited, thinking they were really planning to go there next summer.

The idea was ludicrous, but watching Dipper’s face, red with nervous joy, the gleam in his eyes, and his dimples deepening as he laughed, the idea didn’t seem so irrational.

Although, Wirt would prefer a trip with just the two of them, if they were to do something that huge. Much as he loved his brother and Mabel, a place that big would be too much stress, and Wirt would really just like to focus on one thing at a time: that one thing being Dipper, in this instance.

In order to stop the delusions from continuing and hope from blossoming, Wirt clapped his hands, and declared, “Before we start making plans for next year, let’s worry about today. We’re only burning daylight if we stand here talking about what ifs. Dipper, you promised you’d make today memorable, so let’s make some memories. I…I want to know more about this…Matterhorn macaroon.”

It sounded strangely mature, but also incredibly dorky. He flushed as the words left his mouth.

But Mabel had run and taken Greg’s hand, dragging him off, and Dipper had wrapped his arm around Wirt’s, pulling him along, which must have meant that his little speech had worked.

He didn’t know what was going to happen next, or if today would be anymore hectic–of course it is, Wirt, you’re at a theme park, and you don’t even like rides–but, if nothing else, today would be an adventure.

And Wirt quickly learned through dating Dipper Pines, that any adventure, big or small, was always going to be worthwhile, so long as they were tackling it together. And unlike Gravity Falls, there was likely to be less crazy, paranormal anomalies happening around them; they were less likely to get hurt, or fall into danger here at Disneyland–hopefully.

They would cross that castle bridge when they got to it.

#pinescone #pinescone secret santa #Wirt #Dipper #submission

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wigwurq · 6 years ago

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WIG REVIEW: STRANGER THINGS 3

Stranger Things season 3 is here!!!!! Bust out your 80s nostalgia and demogorgon attitude because I fully don’t remember where we left off but Netflix kind of reminded me in a very extended recap that was definitely too long? Whatever, let’s just discuss the wigs! (AND MUCH MORE).

As with last season (and any season of TV I review) I will be adding each episode to this post and then changing my wig verdict as the season progresses.

CHAPTER ONE: SUZIE DO YOU COPY?

We begin with two tweens making out and YUCK I really don’t want to live through this! I share this opinion with Sheriff Hopper who has to live through these make out sessions that are scored by 80s soft rock music. Even more insulting: THESE HAIRCUTS. I don’t know at what point these kids are gonna outgrow their bowlcuts but the answer seems to be a resounding: NEVER. Also Elle’s hair has finally grown out! TO THIS?!?!?! What overprocessed curly nightmare is this?! I feel like they were going for a Jennifer Grey situation but if that’s the case, I’ll be needing like 110% more hairspray and like 200% more dancing ability, please.

Anyway, the real news in town is: THERE’S A MALL NOW! It’s called Starcourt which is the most 80s sounding name ever and it is home to SCOOPS AHOY ice cream shoppe where Steve and Uma Thurman/Ethan Hawke’s daughter works. This whole storyline is incredibly Fast Times at Ridgemont High themed but Steve’s hair is still very wonderful. Also he can get all the tweens into the movie theater which is showing Day of the Dead and I get it Stranger Things: YOU ARE MAKING ALL THE 80S MALL REFERENCES.

Also: Dustin is back from camp! It was a science camp called Camp KNOW where and I am definitely gonna see some assholes in this shirt this summer. Anyway, this storyline was all about Dustin forcing his friends into helping him with a radio tower to talk to his possibly fake girlfriend named Suzie and truly: meh.

Meanwhile: WINONA’S SEASON 3 WIG! I’ve gotta say, this season is the best season of wig for Winona. Sure, it is still very much a mess (as is she after the untimely death of her boyfriend Rudy Reuttiger!) but it’s the best wig she’s had so far so MAZEL!

Elsewhere, the most boring teen couple in America (aka Nancy and Will’s brother whose name I won’t learn) are working at the local newspaper and Nancy’s whole job seems to be fetching hamburgers for an entire room of #MeToo examples. Her hair is business chick 80s which is to say: on brand but I could use about 90% more Working Girl, please.

And now let’s get to the only storyline I truly cared about: Nancy’s mom Karen Wheeler (aka Carla Buono). Every season, her wig brings the drama and glamour I crave in an 80s-based TV show. The arc of her wig story is truly the story of America - from 70s disco queen to bored early 80s housewife to the wig we see today - 80s mall glamour queen. AND I AM HERE FOR IT. She and the other ladies of the Hawkins Town Pool are unfortunately here for the worst character on this show: BILLY.

UGH BILLY. I will give this show major props for having his entrance to the same music playing when Phoebe Cates gets out of the pool in Fast Times (second Fast Times reference in this episode tho) but it’s a gender reversal I can definitely get behind. HOWEVER BILLY IS THE WORST. Within 2 seconds of his entrance, he fat shames a tweenager and also HAS THE WORST WIG.

Nothing has changed much from last season on this wig front. It is still very much a curly dried out MESS which is very much trying to reference Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire yet this bish has yet to wail on a saxophone or talk about granny panties so truly: no redeeming qualities here.

This does not dissuade Carla Buono from falling under the spell of Billy’s terrible wig. To be fair, her husband is a constantly napping Reagan supporter of indeterminate middle age. Anyway, the episode ends with her getting 80s GLAMOUROUS for a latenight rendezvous with Billy at a fleabag hotel. Billy, however, is run off the road by falling/exploding rats (?) and then dragged into a dirty warehouse full of said exploding rats which truly is the fate I wanted for him and his bad rattail so: COSIGN.

CHAPTER TWO: MALL RATS

We begin with Billy in the rat-infested warehouse being very much alive, so already: I’M ANGRY WITH THIS EPISODE. However, Billy and his awful wig have definitely been through the ringer and he’s about to high-tail it out of there when he comes face to face with: HIMSELF?!?! I don’t know what sort of US crossover this is supposed to be...can we get Jordan Peele on the horn about this? Anyway, he drives out of there in his now somehow completely fine car that didn’t work about 5 minutes ago and then stops at the most bizarrely situated telephone booth literally in the middle of nowhere. I thought this might be a Bill & Ted crossover but nope: he just tries to call 911 before all the electricity bails on that plan.

In other telephone news, Mike has been shook to his core by Sheriff Hopper and tells Elle that he can’t see her and makes up some lies about his grandma. Queen on the scene/his mom Karen and her GLAMOROUS PERFECTION WIG are somehow listening in (KAREN!!!!) and she’s concerned about grandma now too. Everyone back at the pool is concerned about Billy/”Billy” (not sure if he’s the real thing or a mole person version or a possessed alien version - probably the latter) and he is straight up RUDE to Karen so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY ALWAYS. There are also a bunch of shots of the back of his nightmare wig that gave me the shivers. Oh, and he fully kidnaps the other lifeguard as a human sacrifice to a demogorgon blob so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY x100000.

This episode also introduced MAYOR CARY ELWES! This is very good casting and this whole storyline seems like an homage to Jaws so: OK! Also Sheriff Hopper asked Winona’s season 3 wig (which is still good!) on a date/nondate which she definitely didn’t attend because she had far more important lessons to learn about magnets and that’s probably the best reason to stand up a dude ever.

Elsewhere, boring couple is investigating some weird rat/fertilizer situation at an old lady’s house and basically I didn’t pay attention to this part because it was boring and it involved exploding rats so: hard pass. Nancy’s hair looked fine. Jonathan’s hair is a mess. The end.

The rest of the episode was devoted to the only kind of rats I like: MALL RATS! Over at Scoops Ahoy, my favorite bromance between Steve and Dustin was rekindled and truly it is a beautiful thing.

However, Maya Hawke and her language skills (which are romance based, not Russian but whatever!) come into play to translate the Soviet message Dustin intercepted. They somehow translate it (SURE?) and also Maya’s hair is about as 80s as John Travolta’s 70s costumes were in 50s-set Grease. This hair is pure 2019 and you do you Stranger Things. THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS.

Meanwhile, Mike is BUMMED about having to lie to Elle so he brings Lucas and Will along with him to the mall to...buy something for Elle to erase the lie he told her? The whole time Will kept asking when they could leave and play D&D and the whole time I wanted these boys to not have bowl cuts anymore.

In the most important storyline, Elle teamed up with Max to have a LADIES DAY AT THE MALL AND I WAS HERE FOR IT! Max does not seem like the kind of chick who is into fashion or commercialism but her overriding guidance of finding yourself through consumerism and forsaking any sad feelings about boys is just good TV. Retail therapy is great!

And I’m sorry but there is absolutely no better cinema than an 80s makeover montage to effing MATERIAL GIRL. YES PLEASE.

Elle also used her powers to prank some asshole chicks at the Orange Julius and this whole part of the show felt very Girls Just Want To Have Fun (the movie but I guess also the song) so VERY YES PLEASE.

THEY EVEN TOOK EFFING GLAMOUR SHOTS. CAN YOU EVEN?! THIS IS EVERYTHING! I don’t know who funded this amazing afternoon at the mall since Max’s parents seem like pretty absentee wrong-side-of-the-tracks types and clearly this whole mall fiasco goes against everything Sheriff Hopper stands for but whatever logic: YAY MALL!

In the end, Elle calls out Mike on his lie and DUMPS HIS ASS! GIRL POWER! MALL POWER! ICE CREAM POWER 4EVER!

CHAPTER THREE: THE CASE OF THE MISSING LIFEGUARD

My favorite bromance, Dustin and Steve, are on the hunt for Russians in the mall! This whole plot is ridiculous and wonderful. They think they’re really onto something here (and maybe they are?) and just need to find some guy with blonde hair and a duffle bag (like all Russians!) When they find someone who fits that description, he turns out to be a FABULOUS aerobics instructor and I like what everyone has done here with the gay or European? trope.

Meanwhile, Hopper comes home from being stood up with bottle of Chianti and general sense of hopelessness when everything takes a turn for the GREAT because Elle isn’t making out with Mike - she’s found a great galpal and they’re having a sleepover. Halleluj all over the place! Elle deserves a great galpal and Max is pretty awesome and can ALMOST land an ollie so I say amen. Winona’s season 3 wig (still great!) shows up and explains about magnets and then they go back to the lab and find an actual Russian (not an aerobics instructor!) but then he hightails it out of there with no other explanation other than the fact that he might be the Terminator and/or just a motorcycle enthusiast.

Anyway, Elle and Max have the best sleepover EVER by using Elle’s sensory deprivation skills to spy on the boys and truly this is the What Men Want crossover no one wanted but sure! (PS the answer is Doritos belches and farts UGH BOYS).

Beyond that, what Will wants is to just play D&D IN THIS GODDAMNED ELEGANT CAPE, OK?! Mike and Lucas go along with it for a bit, but they are just too girl crazy to concentrate on being a nerd for long. Mike yells at Will, “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” which is interesting phraseology since the internet really wants Will to be gay and only time will tell but honey: the cape eleganza story you’re serving is pretty fabulous, just sayin! (THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS).

Anyway, after some fun sensory deprivation visions of the guys doing stupid stuff, Elle and Max decide to invent a whole spin-the-bottle inspired game to see what other dudes in Hawkins are up to and dammit if the bottle didn’t land on my wig nemesis BILLY. Elle sees that he’s up to some pretty effed up nonsense involving kidnapping that other lifeguard so they decide to investigate IN THE RAIN.

The rest of the episode is mainly devoted to fabulous 80s raincoat fashion and I WAS HERE FOR IT. Beyond these great raincoat lewks, most of the rest of the cast also rocked some fab 80s raincoats (excepting Will who got soaked destroying his childhood fort and Steve who OF COURSE was wearing a members only jacket but jokes on him bc that rain totally dented his ‘do).

Anyway, Elle and Max go over to the missing lifeguard’s house and OF COURSE her dad is the #1 asshole that boring couple works with (oh also they did more boring investigating which resulted in an old lady eating fertilizer. Meh). But shocker: BILLY AND HIS AWFUL WIG WERE THERE TOO.

LOOK AT THE SIDE OF THIS DAMN WIG. Truly, this wig IS the demogorgon of this season.

Anyway, double shocker: THE LIFEGUARD ALSO WAS THERE! Or I guess a possessed version of her since this plotline is getting less US and more Invasion of the Body Snatchers (no need to return my call anymore, Jordan Peele). Also possession or not, this chick’s side pony and wispy bangs are the true terrors (second only to Billy’s wig).

Also can we talk about Billy’s mustache for a second? IT IS SO DISGUSTING. That’s all I have to say. I don’t want to look at it any further. Also look at how dried out this wig is and this whole episode involves torrential rain. I DEMAND MORE WIG HUMIDITY DAMMIT.

Anyway, Max and Elle (smartly) hightail it out of there right before Billy and the lifeguard attack her parents for further demogorgon possessions and we get one last terrifying view of Billy’s wig. HORRIFYING.

CHAPTER FOUR: THE SAUNA TEST

So I’m really liking the whole Elle and Max vibe going along here. I also like that they weren’t dissuaded by the whole Billy being a possessed demogorgon thing to spoil their sleepover. IT CONTINUES! And not only that, Max is literally introducing WONDER WOMAN TO ELLE. I could watch an entire episode of this also because both of their hair isn’t too offensive and they’ve both discovered scrunchies. Mazel! But of course, the guys call in a code red and they have to hightail it over there to fix everything. Ain’t it always the way, ladies?

I would like to take a moment to talk about bowl cuts. So far, I have just lumped both Will and Mike’s bowl cuts into “awful” territory as all bowl cuts are awful. However, this episode gets a lot of shots of the back of Will’s head (because the back of his neck is always sensing those goddamned demogorgons). Anyway, it became very clear in this episode just how terrible this wig is as opposed to Mike’s terrible bowl cut actual hair. I consulted the internet, and apparently the kid who plays Will CUT HIS HAIR (which he was contractually obligated NOT to do) days before shooting began and the wigmaster had to scramble and make a wig literally out of the childhood cut hair of one of her assistants. READ IT ALL HERE. Despite her hustle, this wig sucks in the way that all man wigs suck: the back taper is just all off!! And with all those closeups of Will’s neck it is VERY DISTRACTING!! Billy officially is not the only one with a terrible man wig this season. But his is still the worst!

It did hide a bit under this sweet NIAGARA FALLS hat this episode. And his oily bohunk body was hidden under this sweatshirt which was a dead giveaway to all the kids that SOMETHING WAS AMISS HERE since Billy can barely keep a shirt on at school let alone the pool. Since Will knows that demogorgons (specifically the mind flayer?) like it CHILL, everyone was all: THIS DUDE IS STRAIGHT UP POSSESSED. Great work, kids! Also honestly, this whole lewk was giving me Weekend At Bernies realness and I was here for it (since it implies that Billy is dead which I would like very much please).

Meanwhile, Hopper’s anger management issues get PEAK BLOODY when he just beats the shit out of Cary Elwes (who is technically kind of his boss?) in demanding answers about that Terminator/motorcycle enthusiast who beat the shit out of HIM last episode. Oh, and just an FYI: Winona’s season 3 wig was along for the ride and was still looking great! I cannot say the same for Cary Elwes’s face!

Over at Scoops Ahoy, Steve and his superior wigless mane are doing some serious air duct work with the help of Lucas’s precocious sister. This whole plotline begs the question: do any of the parents of Hawkins ever know where their kids are?

Meanwhile, boring couple is on the rocks after having a really boring fight about whether it’s worse to be a woman or poor and they called it a draw I guess? Anyway, I haven’t spent much time talking about Nancy’s hair which is starting to look a little lumpy honestly and the article I read (link above) told me the bizarre fun fact that most of this hair is real and permed (duh) but that part of the undercarriage is remnants from Winona’s season 1 wig which is obviously why it looks so shitty. The more you know!

Anyway, after being fired by the #metoo boss (who is now also demogorgon possessed) for wanting to investigate why that old lady with the fertilizer eating rats is now also eating fertilizer, she turned to her mom - the one and only queen of Hawkins glamour - KAREN WHEELER. LOOK AT THIS GODDAMNED PERFECT LEWK. Mama Karen ended up giving her a very great motivational pep talk that legit made me cry (SERIOUSLY) about how she had to keep fighting and get the world out about this effed up fertilizer situation. She also delivered a sick burn about her constantly napping husband. I LOVE YOU KAREN.

Back at the town pool, all the kids concocted a Home Alone-style booby trap to get Billy into the sauna, crank up the heat, and prove that there is a heat-hating demogorgon inside him. It kind of worked except they also almost died during the battle royale between Billy’s inner demon (literal this time) and Elle.

Also I know that I demanded wig humidity last time but this is NOT WHAT I MEANT OMG THIS WIG IS A GHOSTMARE. Anyway, Elle saved the day (duh) for now by throwing Billy through a brick wall like he was the Kool-Aid man but seems like he’s forming a demogorgon army of possessed mole people so seems like it’s gonna be one crazy summer, you guys!

CHAPTER FIVE: THE FLAYER

Straight off the bat: this was a weird episode because it included neither my least favorite wigwearer, Billy, nor (SOB) my favorite wig wearer, KAREN WHEELER. So we were left with a bunch of other randos, mainly Soviets. We begin with Winona’s season 3 wig (looking a little rough around the edges in this episode, I am sad to report) and Hopper, fresh off the info he beat out of Mayor Cary Elwes, high tailing it to some farm owned by The Terminator dude. Under his bed, they find a bunker with these two dudes in it. Good morning!

Terminator dude, obvs shows up fairly immediately and lots of yelling, guns, and machismo ensue. In the end, the Terminator is briefly subdued by a fallen bookshelf and Winona’s season 3 wig, Hopper, and one of the rando Soviets escape but not without car troubles because: of course?

After Hopper’s truck explodes, they are all forced to walk through the woods while Winona’s season 3 wig hilariously tries to ask the non-English-speaking Soviet dude about magnets. It’s all pretty silly stuff but I’m here for Winona’s season 3 wig to get some comedic scenes instead of long suffering Christmas light crying scenes.

Anyway, they find a 7-11 where a lot of product placement and caffeine takes place, as well as Hooper yelling a lot for no reason which is essentially his entire character this season. Get some anger management classes, dude! Also the rando Soviet gets a slushie so between that and Billy’s icee last episode: WHAT A TIME FOR FLAVORED ICE WATER!

My absolute favorite part of the episode came next when Hooper commandeered a sweet convertible from this yuppie asshole. I’m not sure how often police commandeer vehicles in real life but I love it when they do it in movies because it’s always taking a car from some pompous idiot who clearly doesn’t deserve to drive (see: Speed, So I Married An Axe Murderer, etc). You can’t get more pompous or idiotic than this yuppie (named Todd, of course?!) with both a popped Polo shirt AND a blazer with zhuzhed sleeves AND white pants. THE NERVE OF THIS GUY FOR EVEN EXISTING! PLEASE TAKE HIS CAR! OMG HIS LICENSE PLATE IS TDFTHR! EVERYTHING IS JUSTIFIED!

Then Hopper, Winona’s season 3 wig, and the rando Soviet drive directly to Murray’s compound in Illinois. I’m bummed we have to suffer through Murray and his existence again since I’ll never forgive him for the gross pull-out couch jokes he made about #boringcouple’s sex romp at his house but here we are. He DOES speak Russian so let’s just get through this translation. Oh and obviously the Terminator dude questioned the 7-11 clerk so he’s probably on his way to Murray’s house now, hopefully to kill him so I don’t have to suffer through any more of his gross sex jokes.

Meanwhile, the Scoops Ahoy spy crew are still locked in that elevator they took way into the bedrock of earth/logic but somehow manage to escape when some (more!) rando Soviets come to unlock some deliveries. Then they discover the whole Soviet plan to reopen the Upside Down while also not being noticed by one single Soviet (great security, dudes!) except for this one Soviet who Steve beats up (GO STEVE!) I’d also like to say that Steve’s superior wigless mane is truly wonderful in this episode. The lights from the underground labs really bring out his summer highlights and it’s truly a thing of beauty. Uma Thurman’s daughter continues to have a 2019 beach wave blunt instagram cut not welcome in this 80s narrative please but otherwise she’s fine.

Over with #boringcouple, they got back together I guess? Remember at the end of season 1 when we were all deeply offended that Nancy was still with Steve and NOT Will’s brother (I refuse to believe he has an actual name). How things have changed! If Steve ever took back Nancy, I would be personally DEEPLY OFFENDED so I guess it’s fine she’s just still a #boringcouple but it’s still boring you guys. Even more boring: the actors are a couple in real life and have been for years! I just found this out this week and found it DEEPLY BORING.

Anyway, #boringcouple teams up with the tween gang to solve this whole fertilizer eating mystery and Nancy totally mommed it up when she put her shitty perm back in a banana clip and told all the kids to buckle up so she could drive her parents’ wood-paneled station wagon and honestly this section felt very Adventures in Babysitting so I’ll allow it. Also Will’s bro’s hair always looks like it was cut by a weed wacker and I’m not sure if this is a comment on his socioeconomic plight but truly Winona’s season 3 wig should get her kids better haircuts please. If her wig can improve so can theirs. In any case, at the missing lifeguard’s house, they vaguely put together some blood-related clues and then decide to visit the fertilizer eating grandma in the hospital.

Only fertilizer eating grandma ain’t there, hunties! Also please return all those flowers to their vase, please. Instead, #boringcouple apologized to each other for their boring fight in an elevator and then had to fight two possessed #metoo bros from the newspaper (which was very satisfying) while Elle and Mike basically starred in an M&Ms commercial in the waiting room. I honestly was hoping that #boringcouple would get possessed too but they ended up being ok (SIGH) and the back of Will’s bowl cut wig sensed danger so I guess Elle is just gonna have to fix everything in the next episode or 3.

CHAPTER SIX: E PLURIBUS UNUM

We begin, UGH, with #boringcouple who are still battling with (part of?) the mind flayer in the hospital and Nancy gets very Sigourney Weaver in Alien and I thought she was about to get flayed but sadly Elle saved her ass. Back at Hooper’s bunker, the whole gang is still basically relying Elle for both protection and sensory deprivation recon. Nancy gels her hair up for some reason (I hope she used DEP!) and Will keeps getting the tingles on the back of his terrible bowl cut wig. Max and Mike have a battle royale about who cares about Elle more and whether women can make their own decisions about their own telepathic powers which Nancy rightfully weighs in on (you go gurl?) But honestly, no one was protecting Elle from the real catastrophe here: WEARING CRISS CROSS SUSPENDERS THE WHOLE GODDAMNED EPISODE. Suspenders are fine and I’m glad Elle has found fashion, but maybe the kids can elect one of them as Elle’s suspenders advocate to avoid this in the future?

Meanwhile, Terminator dude still hasn’t caught up with Murray (sadly) and everyone in his bunker is still very much alive, at least until they die of lung cancer (ZING!) Anyway, Murray does a lot of Russian translation, rando Soviet dude throws a diva fit about slurpee flavors, Hopper continues his reign of anger management/alcoholism problems, and Winona’s season 3 wig is honestly not looking great. They do somehow figure out what the Russians are doing under Starcourt (they even make diagrams and use a lot of Burger King product placement to reenact nuclear scanarios!) And Hopper calls a secure line to demand backup back in Hawkins. Okay?

Back in Hawkins, Bloody Bloody Cary Elwes seems to have recovered from Hopper’s beating pretty nicely (as long as he keeps those shades on) and is very much invested in the 4th of July county fair he is PRODUCING (he even made signs crediting himself!) The Terminator dude demands answers about Hooper but no matter: JUST ENJOY THIS FAIR RIDE!

Speaking of people getting face beatings, Steve is getting absolutely SAVAGED by the Soviets. It was honestly very heartbreaking because he has somehow become the male MVP of this show, partially to do with his hair god status (EVEN WITH A BLOODY FACE HIS HAIR LOOKS SO GREAT!) but also because he’s become a really sweet guy and I just want him to catch a damn break! (Tho please continue to be broken up with Nancy - dear god!)

We shouldn’t be too worried about him getting back together with Nancy, though, because if it wasn’t clear from the moment Uma Thurman’s daughter was introduced: THESE TWO ARE OBVS GETTING TOGETHER. Her hair is still a very 2019 distraction but she’s def an upgrade from Nancy. However, after taking some weird Soviet truth serum (probably just LSD, right?) she admits that she harbored a crush on him way back in the 10th grade and also totally undermines her cool outsider status by admitting that all losers want to be popular (I DON’T KNOW IF ALL LOSERS STAND BY THIS GURL I HOPE THIS IS JUST THE LSD TALKING!) This whole section gives a lot of Some Kind of Wonderful realness and honestly that is a lesser John Hughes work so I’m not sure I can give any of this a passing grade. However, Dustin and my new favorite sass machine, Erica save the day with a nuclear cow prod! GREAT WORK KIDS! ALSO YOUR PARENTS DEFINITELY DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE! Speaking of parents, yet again the glamour of KAREN WHEELER did not grace itself in this episode and we were all worse for it.

Back at Hopper’s cabin, Elle decides to go nuclear with her sensory deprivation recon and we all have to welcome BILLY (UGH BILLY) and his terrible wig back. Anyway, he pushes her further into the recesses of his memory/all logic on an astral plane that can only be described as the place where Michelle Pfeiffer was in the Ant-Man sequel (IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT HOW VERY DARE YOU). So we get a lot of terrible childhood flashbacks which try to show Billy’s abusive tendencies to be learned from his horrible upbringing and truly: DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT BILLY.

JUST LOOK AT THIS IDIOT. NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Despite the humidity of his entire body, his wig remains a dried out hellscape that I would love to never see again for the rest of my days. Also he almost traps Elle in the astral plane they’re on JUST LIKE MICHELLE PFEIFFER IN THAT ANT-MAN MOVIE) but she escapes into the arms of Mike (fine sure) and then Billy explains that he and and his army of mole people have been waiting for Elle this whole time and: REALLY? That seems very specific but you do you, mole people. Oh also all those mole people (grandma fertilizer included!) all file into the rat warehouse and shapeshift into a disgusting mind flayer/demogorgon/blob nightmare. YAY!

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE BITE

Welcome to the Fun Fair (a Mayor Cary Elwes production!) Somehow he recovered from his terrible face beating to show some FACE at this thing. The whole town is there and ready for some 4th of July FUN that will definitely not be ruined by Russians or demogorgons.

Most importantly, this episode gave us the triumphant return of KAREN WHEELER! HER HAIR LOOKS AMAZING! She is bringing full out bouffant glamour to the Fun Fair and damn if she didn’t have this lewk done at Dolly Parton’s salon in Steel Magnolias. IT IS THAT GOOD. Clearly employing the “higher the hair the closer to god” theory - and not just hair-wise actually because this bish bribed some carnie to stop the ferris wheel at its highest point so that she and her family (at least the part of her family whose whereabouts she knows about) can enjoy some FIREWORKS. KAREN YOU MINX I LOVE YOU! HOW ARE YOU STILL MARRIED TO THIS DUDE IN GOLF PANTS?!

The top of the ferris wheel is also a perfect place to see the incoming demogorgon!! The back of Will’s bowl cut is getting the tingles too. And before Elle can fully explain her trip into Billy’s beach memories, the mind flayer is THERE, y’all, busting through the roof of Hopper’s cabin like it’s straight out of a 50s b-movie. I would like to note that for ONCE Winona’s house isn’t about to get trashed so mazel! #Boringcouple armed themselves with guns and axes but obvs they prove completely useless and the flayer is about to steal Elle away when they make a human chain and are victorious...FOR NOW.

Meanwhile, Dustin and Erica are dealing with a very drugged up Steve and Uma Thurman’s daughter and decide to lay low in a showing of (WHAT ELSE?): Back to the Future! They actually show so much of this movie that I’m assuming the entire wig budget went straight to Robert Zemeckis.

Over in the TDFTHER convertible, Winona’s season 3 wig is looking a damn MESS as is all the side projection of them getting back to Indiana. There’s a lot of bickering between Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper and finally my beloathed Murray has to meet his gross sex talk quota for the season and tells both of them to just have sex already and then he and the Soviet dude laugh a lot and OMG GET ME OUT OF THIS CONVERTIBLE.

#Boringcouple and the kids smash into a supermarket to get Elle some medical help for the leg that the flayer effed up. I’m not sure why a hospital wasn’t an option but it’s probably so there could be more 80s product placement like Mr. T cereal and a whole actual conversation about New Coke. Nancy’s hair is still VERY depped up. Max seems to have the most medical training from skateboard injuries and fixes Elle up pretty well while the dudes prove completely useless other than finding a treasure trove of fireworks. I guess most importantly, Elle was reunited with her ain’ true love: EGGOS. They hightail it out of there with a ton of fireworks that they definitely won’t (lol jk) use later. Oh and Elle’s blood kind of comes alive and Billy and his shitty wig come back to sniff her out. Gross.

Speaking of gross, Steve and Uma’s daughter left the very confusing (for them) screening of Back to the Future to go stare at the Starcourt ceiling to the point of barfing (which I honestly did not need to see TWICE or at all!) The barf did get the LSD out of their systems so now it’s time for truth talk and LURVE TALK! I really have to hand it to Steve for being completely face beaten and bloody and covered in barf and still having enough swagger to admit to Uma’s daughter that he has feelings for her (despite her 2019 hair) and just when I thought this show was so predictable, Uma’s daughter comes out as a LESBIAN!! What? Okay! To his credit, Steve pivots pretty easily to ally/friend and truly: HE IS THE BEST AND WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM. ALSO PLEASE GET HELP ON YOUR FACE WOUNDS AND YOUR HAIR STILL LOOKS GREAT.

NOR DO WE DESERVE THIS MUCH GLAMOUR TWICE IN ONE EPISODE. Karen Wheeler may look great but damn if she knows where her (or Winona’s season 3 wig’s) kids are. But let’s just enjoy this space ship ride! Also a rando carnie calls Hopper “Magnum” and: sick burn. Also there is a woman dressed up as Uncle Sam at the fun fair and between this drag king realness, Uma’s daughter, that one Jazzercise instructor, and (maybe/probably) Will, I’m so ready to throw a Hawkins Pride Parade. Karen is already wearing rainbow stripes!

Elsewhere at the fun fair, Alexei is having the time of his damn life winning a Woody Woodpecker with the support of 10000 children. Sadly, his joy is cut short when the Terminator dude kills him in cold blood. HARSH. Also Murray chooses to blame himself for not guarding him like he was supposed to and instead buying a corn dog. I AGREE, MURRAY: THIS IS YOUR FAULT PLEASE LEAVE. Then Hopper has a whole sequence with the Terminator dude (and some other rando Soviet baddies) in the funhouse which is the second time this season which felt like a weird homage to US and I guess I need to get Jordan Peele on the horn again about this. Anyway, Hopper gets ANOTHER face beating and so does Cary Elwes from Winona’s (also beat) season 3 wig.

Back at the mall, Steve and company are trying to just slip out with the rest of the movie crowd from Back to the Future but the Soviets are totally onto them and it looks like they’re about to be killed when (AGAIN) Elle saves the day by throwing a Chrysler LeBaron on them. GREAT WORK! Unfortunately, Elle is also receiving a threatening phonecall from a mini demogorgon and the call is coming from: INSIDE HER LEG.

CHAPTER EIGHT: THE BATTLE OF STARCOURT

So this demogorgon situation with Elle’s leg is pretty severe so Will’s brother (again name NOT NECESSARY) prepares for mall surgery based on stuff found at the Panda Express and literally gave her a wooden spoon to bite on as if this was happening during the Revolutionary War. The demogorgon leg removal is not working so as always, Elle just DID IT HERSELF because she may be the only capable person in this mall/town.

Hopper and Winona’s season 3 wig (not looking great) and (UGH) Murray show up and everyone compares notes on how to fix this whole mindflayer situation. Most importantly, Erica outsasses Murray and wins. Steve (rightly) gets the keys to the TDFTHER convertible to take him, Uma’s daughter, Dustin and Erica (now known as Scoops Troop) to Dustin’s radio tower. The rest of the tweens plus #boringcouple (now known as The Griswold Family because sure) are getting sent to Murray’s bunker and can’t they maybe stop and get Elle some medical attention on the way? No matter: they’re not going anywhere because Billy, possessed or not, still knows way too much about cars and stole their damn ignition cable. DAMMIT BILLY.

Steve is driving the Scoops Troop up a damn hill to the radio tower while listening to Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher which I’m sure is a Ghostbusters 2 reference and also Uma’s daughter looks exactly like her in the convertible driving part of Kill Bill and honestly all of these pop cultural references are getting tiring. Anyway, from the top of the radio tower, they can see the demogorgon closing in on the mall and Steve and Uma’s daughter hightail it back there.

At the mall, Elle is having some trouble moving that LeBaron to get the ignition cable - she can’t even move a damn coke can. WHAT GIVES? This does beg the question: since she has literally done all the heavy lifting this season, could she maybe call in a favor from her telepathic sister in Chicago? Why did this show even introduce that character - just to check off “punks” on their 80s pop culture list (note: DEFINITELY) But seriously, it’s like when Marvel makes a stand-alone superhero movie after an Avengers movie. SOMEONE GET THAT PUNK CHICK ON THE HORN!!! Anyway, Will gets some back of bowl cut tingles and the damn demogorgon smashes through the roof. Elle, Mike, and Max make a run for it through the gap, where the demogorgon confuses a mannequin wearing Elle’s same clothing and truly: the gap would NEVER sell this graphic eleganza! Did Esprit just not want to be involved in this whole mess because that is where she would have bought that. The rest of the tense gap scene plays out basically exactly like the kitchen scene in Jurassic Park. Meanwhile, #boringcouple is doing boring auto work while Billy just endlessly stalls in his evilmobile but is about to hit them when MVP hair god Steve saves the day and everyone piles into the station wagon. YAY!

Elsewhere, the Terminator dude has made it to the Soviet subbasement where Hooper, Winona’s season 3 wig and (UGH) Murray are now in Soviet apparel. Winona’s season 3 wig (looking great hidden under that hat) and Hopper have a nice talk and make plans for a legit date which definitely won’t be derailed by a demogorgon (lol jk jk). Murray manages to infiltrate the room where all the wires control the nuclear weapon the Soviets are using to open up the Upside Down and why wasn’t this room better guarded? Oh well. Much like sucking at guarding Soviets and not buying corndogs, Murray sucks at remembering important numbers which are the combination for the nuclear keys.

Of course the code is some nerdy equation that requires Dustin to ask fellow nerd (and girlfriend Suzie who exists!) for help. But not before Suzie demands that Dustin sing....The Neverending Story theme song. This is peak 80s cultural reference and we can all go home now. Also it is mainly an excuse for Galen Matarazzo to sing and sure: he and this chick sound great! Now please get those damn keys!

Elle, Max and Mike are confronted with (unfortunately still alive) Billy who beats the shit out of all of them and takes Elle. She’s about to get flayed when Lucas and Will throw all those damn fireworks on the demogorgon. Sure! Elle uses Billy’s memories to reason with him. This show definitely wants us to root for Billy all of a sudden because he turns on the demogorgon but I REFUSE TO LIKE BILLY WITH THAT DRIED OUT WIG IN THIS SWEATY MALL.

Back in the subbasement, Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper are ready to end this but the Terminator dude shows up. They duke it out very close to a nuclear warhead while Winona’s season 3 wig turns into MacGuyver and uses a belt to try to disarm both keys and bless her. Hopper throws the Terminator into nuclear generator thingie. Byeeeeee. Then Hopper looks back at Winona’s season 3 wig for long enough to definitely make it back into the safe glass room where she is but instead just gives a really long nod, signalling her to disarm the nuclear whatever thing and he definitely (absolutely does not) die.

However, all my hopes and dreams for Billy’s death finally came true! YAY FOR ME AND MY HATRED OF HIS TERRIBLE WIG AND HIS CHARACTER WHICH HAD NO REDEEMING QUALITIES NO MATTER HOW MANY BEACH FLASHBACKS TRIED TO PROVE OTHERWISE. I will say that his exit is VERY METAL so in some ways, this was the only appropriate death for his Metallica and Tank loving character. FINE. Two seconds after he and the demogorgon die, the feds show up with Paul Reiser! I am honestly very mad at this show for not blasting Pat Benatar’s Little Too Late during this entire sequence. OH WELL. Outside the mall Winona’s season 3 wig and Will’s terrible bowl cut wig are reunited in a bad wig hug. Then Winona’s season 3 wig catches sight of Elle and gives her a look that says: I am definitely adopting you.

Three months later, a fake Inside Edition show gets us up to date on the burning of the mall, government coverups, and comeuppance of terrible mayor Cary Elwes. Also Uma’s daughter (now with 80s appropriate updo!) and Steve are trying to get jobs at the video store! Uma’s daughter and her love of Billy Wilder movies make her a shoe-in for the job but Steve's taste in the Ewok Star Wars movie and the 5 minutes he saw of Back To the Future whilst on LSD don’t make him the best candidate. Also he trips over a Phoebe Cates cut-out and truly Phoebe Cates: thank you for your service in being name-checked constantly this season. In the end, Steve’s awesome hair gets him the job. Maybe?

Meanwhile, Winona’s season 3 wig is moving just like she said she was going to this whole season and no one believed her. Also she put her wig back in a ponytail and: good move it looks ok! Elle still doesn’t have her powers back but eh? She does get a heart-tugging letter from beyond the grave (he’s totally still alive) and all the kids/tweens/#boringcouple sob that they are being separated. It isn’t clear where Winona’s season 3 wig is going or how she could have sold her shitty house in the town that fake Inside Edition show called haunted. And yes, separating her now 3 PTSD kids from their only support group is also shitty but what has this goddamned town ever done for Winona and any of her seasons’ wigs other than stealing her children and killing her love interests and trashing that shitty house at least twice?! I SAY GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE (they will fully be back next season).

After collectively sobbing all their faces off, the tweens of Hawkins are left only with the ELEGANZA OF KAREN WHEELER and whatever healthy dinner she’s preparing with the help of some white wine. YOU KIDS ARE STILL LUCKY WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE KAREN WHEELER! Oh and back in Russia, Hopper is like 110% definitely still alive. See y’all next season!

FINAL VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (YOU KNOW IT WAS BILLY’S FAULT)

#wigwurq #doesntwurq #strangerthings #hawkins #UGHBILLY #80sMALLWIGS #KARENWHEELER #EXPLODINGRATS #EXPLODINGRATTAILS #retailtherapy #glamourshots #girlsjustwanttohavefun #mallpower #raincoatfashions #wighumidity

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cometsweepandleonidsfly · 6 years ago

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“There is nothing more powerful in the world than a good story.”

These are the words of Tyrion Lannister toward the end of Game of Thrones’ series finale. Meaning that they are the words of showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss. Meaning that the pair’s 80-minute send-off to Westeros on Sunday night was not just an accidental explosion of indulgent self-defensiveness, but a conscious and true effort in expounding its own genius to an audience that has every right to now feel corrupted and betrayed.

For (most) of its previous seven seasons, Game of Thrones was a creation that appealed equally to the head and the gut. Its blend of ultra-detailed mythology, emotionally complex characters, classic themes, expensive set-pieces, frequent nudity, and buckets of gore swirled together to create the smart person’s trash, and the trashy person’s jewel. In 1996, novelist George R.R. Martin created a fantasy for those who supposedly hate fantasy, but in 2011, Benioff, Weiss and whoever cuts those massive cheques at HBO turned that creation into an uber-fantasy. Here was something so overwhelmingly compelling in its material and slick in its execution(s) that the announcement of its end has forced the culture to question whether or not culture itself will ever be so easily united under one single act of creativity.

And then GoT’s eighth season unfurled, and the first word I could ever muster every Sunday night was: ugh. As in, ugh, how did Benioff and Weiss (and, we can only assume, Martin) find and then magnify every flaw in what has otherwise been a fantastic production? As in, ugh, how are we to accept that characters who we knew to be layered suddenly turn into parodies of themselves?? As in, ugh, how did HBO hear Benioff and Weiss’s plan for the final stretch and not decide, hmm, maybe you guys need a half-dozen more episodes to actually accomplish that without it seeming stupidly rushed??? As in, ugh, can no one on GoT figure out how to properly light a damn battle scene????

At least Benioff and Weiss seem all-too-aware that these questions might be asked as audiences were exposed to this last stretch. After all, “The Iron Throne,” the sixth and final episode of the series’ eighth and final season, is consumed with responding to any and all of the potential criticisms of the material that came before it, especially last week’s horrendous “The Bells.”And their answer, by the way? Well, it is just as Tyrion puts it above: We’re great storytellers, so shut up.

I’m getting ahead of myself, though. Let’s start with talking about what went right in “The Iron Throne.” First, there was that fairly cool, if obvious, shot of Dany walking in front of Drogon’s wings. Then there was the interesting decision to abandon any score for the episode’s first 10 minutes, to underline the hollowed-out nothingness that has become King’s Landing. And then … okay, that’s all I’ve got, because right now, all I can think about was everything that went wrong. This might take a while.

Or not, because if Benioff and Weiss decided to abandon so much of their own thought and consideration into this season’s narrative, character, themes and aesthetics, then why should I devote any of my own to their supremely thin effort at defending their own creative powers in this, their final (and, as they would surely say, finest) hour? So, here’s more of a rapid-fire rant of all the many things that sank GoT’s finale:

Dany swaps her wardrobe for something Sith-esque, because if you’re going to have a beloved character suddenly turn into a genocidal monster, it’s best to have her start wearing black immediately.

Drogon must really hate chairs. Oh, and Tyrion really loves rearranging chairs. This episode was very obsessed with chairs. (Wait: Does Drogon think the chair killed his mother? Or is he just heavily into obvious metaphors? Maybe this is something that will be clarified in the inevitable GoT spinoff, Warg This Way with Bran the Broken.)

Bran? Really, Bran?? I’ll come back to this in a moment.

It’s wonderful how the various lords and ladies of Westeros can seemingly teleport into King’s Landing at the drop of a hat to decide the fate of their kingdom. Also wonderful is the chin-scratching/Googling that everyone must have been doing during this scene to remember who Tobias Menzies used to play on this show (answer: Edmure Tully).

“Bran the Broken”? Okay, really, I’ll come back to this again.

How much of Benioff and Weiss’s script was just "Character X walks away portentously”?

I wish we could all pull a Brienne and go into the history books to write a better ending.

When Samwell hands Tyrion a copy of A Song of Ice and Fire, I swear we were all one Sigur Rós cover of All Along the Watchtower away from GoTpulling a Battlestar Galactica. (If that sentence makes no sense, I’m sorry. And if it does: I’m even more sorry.)

I just know that there is a half-decent Donald Trump joke to be made about Jon’s fate at the Wall, but there is no way I’m going to attempt such a thing at this late hour.

It was nice that Jon got to see his direwolf Ghost again, and I’m all for any Tormund appearance, but are we to believe that the man was brought back from the dead by the Lord of Light … just to kill a woman he himself helped put in power? That is not just me quibbling with the “logic” of magic, either. It is a simple question of the strength of Benioff and Weiss’s (and, again, Martin’s) narrative foresight.

Okay, back to the Bran thing: Tyrion essentially puts GoT’s favourite creepy weirdo on the throne because “he has the best story.” It is a pretty good story, no doubt. But has no one on this show been paying attention to Arya’s arc? You know, the one in which she started off as a little kid who watched her father die and ended up becoming a face-changing assassin who defeats the greatest evil in this world’s history? Bran can fly, but Arya can slay.

I guess we’re never going to know why the Night King was so obsessed with arranging his victims’ corpses in that circular pattern, hmm? Okay, no problem! I was just wondering if that was a deliberate storytelling decision or another one of those “it-simply-looked-cool” ideas.

I could go on, but it’s late and you likely have 17 other GoT-related tabs open on your browsers (because not only does “The Iron Throne” mark the end of HBO’s cash cow, it spells the end of such guaranteed traffic drivers as this very review; publishers around the world are drowning their sorrows in Dornish wine this very moment). And besides, what more could be said of an episode that name-checks its own storytelling brilliance? Well, perhaps on this note Tyrion puts it best again – and, again, highlights in bright yellow the smarmy satisfaction that has characterized so much of Benioff and Weiss’s work this season: “It’s a good compromise,” the once-and-future hand of the Seven Kingdoms says, “if no one is happy.”

Fair enough, my friend. Fair enough.

#game of thrones finale #got finale #game of thrones #spoilers #this is savage and i am here for it #such rotten storytelling #so much hubris

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lykezoinks · 8 years ago

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[ This ficlet is a formal apology for all the klangst as well as a birthday present for two of my best friends, @t1dalwav3 & @tokyocrisis!! Go wish them happy birthday, ‘cause they’re the best. This ficlet is based off of our Voltron first responder au fic, Breaking Point, that you can find here if you wanna give it a read! The ficlet under the cut is a spin-off bit for something we have planned for future chapters without being spoiler-y. Happy birthday to my babes; I hope y’all enjoy! ]

title: are we there yet? words: 2,795 ship: klance rating/genre: T for language, humor, shippy nonsense of two dorks flirting and low-key being super into each other

Not to sound like a total black sheep, but Keith has a long list of things that he will never quite understand about society. Now he can add the romanticization of roadtrips onto it. From watching daytime television, sitcoms have led him to believe that roadtripping is supposed to be some grand adventure that friends and families embark on in their pastel colored hippie buses or wood-paneled station wagons. There’s supposed to be sightseeing and maps with overlapping red lines, road games, and songs that should probably never leave a summer camp full of seven year olds. It is not supposed to be a temperamental firefighter crammed in his red pick-up truck with the most aggravating ocean rescue guard on the planet. But here Keith is. With Lance. For sixteen hours.

So far on their impromptu road trip, Keith has compulsively eaten two bags of Twizzlers— empty wrappers now properly stuffed in his cup holders— finished ten pages worth of Sudoku puzzles, and begrudgingly agreed to a game of ‘I Spy’ for the first and last time. Lance kept it going for a full forty-five minutes, and there is no doubt in Keith’s mind that if he has to say the phrase “with my little eye” one more time, he will spontaneously combust.

And thinking about that game makes Keith realize it’s been awfully quiet for the past twenty minutes. And his eyes are getting a little dreary as he drives down a mostly vacant highway. When he glances over at Lance, he sees a head of shaggy brown hair drooped forward like a palm tree leaf.

“Lance,” Keith says gruffly, crashing his knuckles into the other’s arm just hard enough to hurt.

“Ow!” Lance rubs at the sore spot on his arm, and Keith can see Lance pouting from the corner of his eye. “What the hell—”

“You are not falling asleep on me, or so help me, I will make sure we stay in the sleaziest Motel 6 I can find.”

Lance lets out a groan, slumping in the passenger seat with a whine and rubbing at his eyes with a yawn. “You can’t honestly expect me to stay awake while you’re playing…” He snatches at Keith’s phone, watching the screen light up with a grimace. “Dear And The Headlights… Where the hell do you even find these bands?”

Keith is pretty sure his eyes are gonna get stuck mid-roll one of these days. And it’ll probably be Lance’s fault. “Wasn’t driver picks the music your rule?”

“That was before I knew you were gonna play trash.”

“It’s pronounced acoustic,” Keith corrects, ignoring Lance’s mock gagging. “And you have no room to talk if you’re gonna play nothing but Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj.”

“Well, if you’re gonna play ‘acoustic’,” Keith is sure he didn’t say it that pretentiously, “you can’t honestly expect me to stay awake.”

“Put on whatever you want!” Keith’s short fuse is about to be blown, and Lance just perks up in his seat with a wiggle of his torso.

“Relax, geez. Let’s see what’s on the radio…”

Lance starts punching the pad of his finger against the seek button, giving each station a few seconds. Static… Static… Commercials… Some 80’s ballot that should be buried along with the leg warmers… Static.

“Lance, would you please just—”

“Shhh! Sh!” Lance shoves a hand up against Keith’s arm, releasing it as he listens closely to what sounds to Keith like gibberish. It takes a few seconds for it to register that the disc jockey is speaking in Spanish. “Did he just say Fotographía?”

“I don’t speak Spanish, I have no idea what he—”

“Shhhh!”

He’s gonna kill him. Keith is actually going to commit first degree murder and dump Lance’s body out in the desert.

When a steady melody of guitar chords drift through the air, Lance starts bouncing up and down in a way that makes the car shake.

“Wait, this is acou—”

“Yes. But this is Juanes. So shush.”

Keith opens his mouth to speak, has a rant loaded and ready to go on his tongue, but then his breath catches in his throat. Lance has never sounded less annoying. In fact, he sounds… Amazing. His voice is like honey, sweet and soothing as it carries through the car.

“Cada vez… Que yo me voy… Llevo a un lado de me piel…”

Keith forces himself to close his mouth, absently remembering something his teachers used to say about flies nesting. Did it get colder? Why does he feel goosebumps? Whatever snarky comeback Keith had begins to fade from his memory.

Then the chorus rolls in. It occurs to Keith that something is very wrong with his heart. It should not be beating this irregularly.

Lance is completely unaware of the fact Keith is having both shivers and hot flashes, gazing out the window as he continues singing along softly. “Es por eso que debo decir— que tu sooo-lo en mis fotos estas…”

Lance stops his singing, and Keith can’t wrap his head around why a tinge of disappointment settles underneath his ribs. The female voice in the song gracefully begins the next verse, and Lance chuckles softly, looking back at Keith.

“I’m not allowed to sing this part,” he explains, some dreamy smile brightening his face. “This is my older sister Carmen’s part. It’s a dumb rule she made up when I was, like, ten. Which is probably for the better, ‘cause I can’t hit Nelly Furtado’s notes—”

“Y—You… I d—did… I didn’t know you could, you could sing…” Something’s wrong with Keith’s tongue too.

“What are you talking about?” Lance snorts, throwing his feet up on the dashboard, something Keith has told him not to do a million times. But he can’t remind Lance again on account of heat flushing his entire face. “I sing all the time.”

“Singing Ke$ha in the shower does not count as real singing,” Keith explains, narrowing his eyes a little at the road. He sighs, flickering his eyes between Lance and the windshield a few times. “You’re… You’re really… Good at it.”

There’s a few long moments where Keith thinks Lance didn’t hear him. And for a split second, Keith catches Lance in the corner of his eye and could swear Lance looks flustered. But that can’t be true, because then Lance is pushing his hair on top of his head, holding it up with long dainty fingers, and beaming, neck craned and eyes closed. “Well, I didn’t take choir for four years and get half the solos for nothing.” Yeah, okay, that sounds more like him.

Keith doesn’t comment, just shakes his head and lets Lance finish out the song while trying not to choke on his thickening throat.

Lance hums out the last of the notes, sitting back in the seat and sighing contentedly. “Man, I almost completely forgot about that song. My dad played Juanes around the house all the time, so my siblings and I are kinda cursed with knowing most of his songs. It’s like they’re ingrained, dude.” Lance taps his temple for emphasis.

Keith can’t help but feel warmth pooling in his chest. Lance has a way with storytelling. Sometimes he makes it feel like Keith is there. And though he’s not familiar with the feeling of nostalgia first-hand, he thinks he can feel it through Lance. And it feels warm and sunny, bright and rustic, like sepia photographs.

“So,” Lance says casually, rolling his shoulders. “Do you sing at all?” He dips his head into Keith’s periphery, waggling his eyebrows suggestively before Keith rolls his eyes again.

“Do you wanna grab dinner soon?”

“Oh, hell no. You are not changing the subject. You’re turning red, by the way.”

“Ugh.” Right when he thinks they’re getting somewhere. “I mean, I don’t know. I was never in choir or anything like that. And I have sung, just… Never for an audience, I guess.”

“Well, you got an audience of one right here,” Lance gestures to himself, placing his fingertips under his chin and grinning brightly. Keith is sure he isn’t red anymore, because he can feel the color drain from his face.

“No. No way in hell. No.”

“C’mon, Keith!” Lance whines in a tone that makes Keith’s eye twitch a little. Then comes the chorus of pleases.

“Fine! Fine, okay. Plug my phone back in and… Pull up the RENT soundtrack.”

Lance snorts, quirking a brow at Keith. His silence prompts Keith to turn his head toward the other— reluctantly— and sigh.

“What?”

“Nothing, I just never pegged you as a showtunes guy.”

Keith looks back at the road, taking one hand off the wheel to emphasize the finality of his statement when he says, “It’s a rock opera.”

“It’s a musical.”

“A rock musical. Totally diff— Wait, you know RENT?”

“Dude, everyone knows RENT… Or at least ‘Seasons of Love.’ Besides, Mama McClain is obsessed with musicals, so I��m guilty by association, and I know a lot of them.” A pause. “Including your ‘rock opera’… What’s your passcode?”

“Fire.” Silence again. Keith doesn’t bother turning his head this time, groaning instead. “What?”

“That’s creative,” Lance tells the firefighter, sarcasm thick in his tone. “How did you come up with that one?”

“Motel 6,” Keith warns, shooting a half-second glare. “Full of roaches.”

“Alright, alright… So what are you serenading me with, huh? A little ‘Tomorrow 4 U’?”

“God, no—”

Lance interrupts, already starting to sing in the most flamboyant tone possible, “Today for youuu! To-mor-row for me!” slinging his shoulders in some pathetic excuse for a dance move.

“Okay, as gay as we know I am—”

“Incredibly.”

“—yes, incredibly— you are not subjecting me to perpetuating my own stereotypes by singing the song of the drag queen in the show, as much as I love Angel. Besides, that song’s reserved for sing alongs with Shiro.”

“It’s what?” Lance is smirking, and Keith kinda hopes that he can develop the ability to teleport.

“I’ve said too much— Just! Put on ‘One Song Glory.’”

Lance makes some noise that sounds like protest, and Keith adjusts his hands on the steering wheel.

“What?”

“You would pick Roger’s song, you freaking emo.”

“Put it on. Before I lose my patience.”

Keith is bluffing, and Lance knows it. Keith can’t sing, and he’s just not willing to admit he’s not good at something. Lance has had this conversation with Hunk and Pidge several times. They came to the conclusion that if Keith could sing, they would have caught him doing so in the shower at least once by now. They’ve caught Shiro shamelessly belting out Queen songs when he thought no one would be home. Hell, even Pidge gets down to some Slim Shady every now and then. And if Keith could sing, he wouldn’t adamantly refuse to come to Karaoke night with them on Wednesday nights. Or at least come up with a better excuse than, “I really don’t need the second hand embarrassment from middle-aged wine moms trying to sing Shania Twain.” Because all the roommates know Keith can’t resist at least tapping his foot along to Shania Twain.

No way in hell can Keith “Voicecrack” Kogane carry a melody, plain and simple.

But Lance might as well lean back and enjoy the trainwreck. Tapping his thumb on the song title, Lance settles into his seat. He has to give Keith props, though. ‘One Song Glory?’ It’s ballsy. Especially when Keith probably sounds like a screeching cat—

“One song… Glory… One song, before I go. Glory. One song to leave behind…”

Okay… That was clean. Really clean. And low and a little raspy in a way that makes Lance’s lungs malfunction. But that’s probably just surprise given that Keith doesn’t sound like a dying animal. Yet. Lance will wait for the key change. That’s the real testament, anyway.

“Time flii-ii-iies… Time diiiiies! Glooo-oo-rr-yyyy-yy-y!” No. Fucking. Way.

Lance gapes, hearing Keith hit notes and run with them, vibrato low and husky in a way that… Well, Lance is pretty sure he gets a fever or something. And his mouth isn’t really working, so he can’t comment. He just listens to Keith sing the entirety of the song. Then the fact that it’s less than a three minute song pulls Lance back to reality. He just barely registers the fact that ‘Light My Candle’ has started, so he pauses the song before Mimi can tell Roger her life story.

“Um…” Keith is the first to break the silence, shifting stiffly in his seat as he continues to drive down the road like nothing happened. “So—”

“You have the voice of an angel.” What?

“What?”

“You just said…”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“… I… I heard you.”

“Nope. Never happened.”

Keith starts pronouncing a mess of stuttering vowels, and Lance perks up, brushing his moment of weakness off of his shoulders.

“So! That was… Decent. A little pitchy, but decent.” He hums for a moment to fill the silence before an idea sparks in the back of his mind. “So how about a duet?”

“Ugh, Lance—”

“C’mon! It’ll be fun…” He starts thinking up a song the two of them would know, scrolling through a mess of playlists. “Wait, you lived with Shiro before you guys moved in with us, right?”

“Yeah… What does that have to do with anything?”

“That means you’ve seen ‘Grease’ at least fifty times, right?”

Keith deflates, lips pulling into a somewhat pathetic frown. “Seventy three.”

“Perfect!” Lance wastes no time in pressing his finger down on the song. “Oh, I didn’t think about who’s doing what part.”

“Does it mat—”

“Dibs on Danny!”

“Oh, c’mo—”

“I got chiiiiills! They’re multiplying!” Lance starts, snapping along to the beat and avoiding Keith’s more than apparent eye roll. “And I’m loooosing controoo-oool! From the power! You’re supplying. It’s electrifying!”

Keith seems to get over his masculinity in a matter of seconds, crooning along to Sandy’s voice. “You better shape up. ‘Cause I nee-eed a man… And my heart is set on youuu. Better shape up…”

They swap back and forth, neither of them caring to follow the melody all that closely by the time the chorus comes along. Somewhere mid-way through the song, they’re hardly harmonizing. Lance lets himself have fun with the song, throwing his hand against his chest dramatically, belting out the notes with all the breath his lungs can muster. Keith joins in, and it suddenly becomes a contest as to which one of the two can look more ridiculous. Keith fakes a swoon, throwing the back of his hand against his forehead and dipping toward Lance in a way that makes Lance break out in a fit of laughter before he can carry on with the verse.

As the song fades out, they’re both swinging their heads from side to side, snapping and twisting like they belong in a 1940′s dance hall more so than a pickup truck.

By the time the song is over, they’re both laughing wildly until tears form in their eyes. Sucking in a few gasps of air, Lance runs the edge of his finger against the brim of his eye, still snorting a little.

“Oh my God,” Keith chuckles, shaking his head. And when Lance looks at him he’s grinning. Keith. Grinning. It’s almost unheard of.

Lance pulls himself together quickly, mock gawking at Keith with something like horror in his expression. “Keith… Keith, I think something’s wrong with your face…”

“Huh?” Keith says, placing a hand to feel against his cheek, brows furrowing. “What? What is it?”

“You’re…” Lance points a finger. “You’re smiling.”

Keith deadpans, turning his head to stare at Lance for a solid three seconds before he laughs, shaking his head. “You’re such a prick.” On the last word, Keith reaches his arm out and shoves at Lance’s shoulder, setting Lance off balance for only a moment as giggles bubble up his chest.

But then he halts. Keith doesn’t seem to notice, too busy pulling the car over on the side of the road. And Lance is frozen. Because that was a shoulder shove. A Keith Kogane Shoulder Shove, Keith’s number one flirt move when he’s joking around with virtually any guy he thinks is even moderately attractive. And he just….

“Alright, you seem awake enough to drive now,” Keith says absently, throwing his truck in park before slipping out of the driver’s seat.

But Lance is frozen. There is no way Keith was flirting with him, right? But… The Shoulder Shove.

“Yo…” Lance turns his head to see Keith holding the passenger door open. “C’mon, Chinese fire drill. Rapido, por favor.”

Rather than point out how Keith just butchered that pronunciation, Lance undoes his seatbelt whilst pondering life as he knows it.

#klance #voltron #voltron fanfic #klance fanfic #my writing

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r-o-se · 8 years ago

Photo

EXACTLY 101 comments over P101 S2E4 wow how did I manage that don’t ask me also sorry for the shit screencaps lmao NOTHING THAT CUTE OR COOL HAPPENED IT WAS JUST SAD

Yo those eps are getting subbed faster than they used to idk whats going on but I’m definitely not complaining lol lets get riiiiiiiiiight into the neeeeeeeeews

1. Flashback scenes to Jisung and Jinwoo’s teams losing are not appreciated at all stop the MMO abuse

2. ‘3000 votes is too many’ I AGREE the Be Mine team is training everywhere and all the time poor fucking kids

3. Who edited this and thought that ‘wow a piano rendition of out song would be a great and dramatic choice’ newsflash it’s not I’m already done with this song lmao

4. SHINEE SHINEE SHINEE REPLAY TEAMS YOOOOO

5. Pink team Ren and Yuehua chinaliners vs green team Sanggyun and MMO Jaehan and Taewoong

6. The pink cutesy Ren team is…. Too aegyo-ish I’m older than 80% of them yet I feel like a pedophile watching this SAVE ME SOMEONE

7. Sanggyun and Justin are the centers and both fucking wreck their roles in the best way possible

8. Justin is so overacting and cheesy I’m rotting lmao love my kid tho

9. Lee Gunhee aka the (RBW?) kid whose intro vid was him singing while getting hit by shit to show how stabile he is keeps getting out of tune I’m sad and worried

10. The vocals trainers in this show I stg their method is just singing the high notes and then looking at the trainee like ‘what u cant do this lol? Try harder’

11. Ren is comforting the kid whos dying of self doubt u g h

12. AND HERE WE GO LMAO THEIR SMILES ARE SO BRIGHT SOMEONE STOP THE PINK TEAM

13. U get the most flowerboyish pretty boy that has ever lived (Ren) and u give him the ugliest haircut u can think of pretty sure this counts as a crime

14. GUNHEE DID IT IT ONLY BROKE A BIT IN THE VERY VERY END HE PULLED IT OFFFFFF AND HE PULLS OFF ALL THE NOTES AFTER THAT TOO

15. Zhu Zheng did a frontflip of course he did lmao also Jihoon is probs pissing his pants because everyone around keep winking lmao

16. Team 1 is playing around and being cute w the camera but team 2 look a bit troubled also ugh they are too hardcore for this fucking god Zhu Zheng kiddo I love you but you put them into such a shitty position aaaaa

17. Here we gooooooooooooo green team lookin cuter than I expected holy damn Sanggyun is SINGING and it’s SO GOOD FOR A RAPPER

18. HE IS ALSO SHOWING HIS ABS LMAOOO THIS ISNT THAT SORT OF SONG AAHAHAH FUCK

19. Their performance is really good? A Lot cuter than I predicted and the vocals are so goooood

20. Why do all other trainees look so sour did u want them to fail or some shit just let the kids live they were forced into such an uncomfortable concept aaaaaaa I WANNA VOTEEEE

21. Time for pain and results team 1 won with ~70 votes im SAD Sanggyun was the only one who took the position points win aaaahhhhhh ngl I was rooting for #2 eventho #1 had Ren and Yuehua kiddos also 3000 votes is TOO FUCKING MUCHH I HATE P101

22. Now its Mansae aka power vocals vs the leftovers rip

23. Woodam is one of my fav vocals overall this season all of the shit he’s done his intro clip his evaluation and reeevaluation clips are all so golden I love that dude and obvs he’s SLAYING THIS SONG TOO AGH

24. Team 1 Yoonsung left due to health problems this is what happens when u don’t give kids food and make them get stage ready within a week and rearrange within 2 days

25. It stressed Woodam the fuck OUT and he messed up a looot during rehearsals, missing notes and whatnot

26. Their rapper reminds me of cube Soyeon last season with his kinda small and cutesy looks yet super charismatic stage presence

27. Woodams VOCAAAAAAAALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

28. Ok now the leftover group I really hope they will do alright they make me really sad ugh I really really really hope they’re okay u g h

29. Theres this kid Hadon who is really salty about being in that team and leaves in the middle of practice and then won’t cooperate during trainers thing aahhh kid please

30. Neverminddd they got nothing to show shit this is gonna be bad I am Very Worried

31. Kahi is so nice I love her so much she’s so friendly and sweet and good truly the queen of this show without her it would be so much worse

32. Hadon got his confidence back and their teamwork is so much better now and literally all of this got started by Kahi I LOVE KAHI SO MUCH BEST GIRL

33. Their energy is a lot better than I expected I’m so glad they went through with their training and everything

34. The Kim Youngjin kid has absolutely acceptable vocals I’m so glad they didn’t make any mistakes and just agh this team makes me sad

35. Team 1 wins with overpowering 500 votes they got 500 votes MORE than team 2 it’s just so fucking sad dude 600+ vs 150

36. But WOODAM ALONEGOT 207 VOTES WHICH IS MORE THAN ENTIRE TEAM 2 HOLY SHITTTTT THIS IS WHAT A POWER VOCAL DOES

37. SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

38. I’ve waited for this stage for sooooooo long they got all of my fav kids in Minhyuns team and then Ha Minho and Seonho and Namhyung in the other team aaaaaaahhh I’ll call them red and black since that’s their suits Minho ‘s team is red and Minhyun’s is black. They all look so good truly nothing wrong with a nice suit

39. Minho and Namhyung want to insert a self written rap since they’re both rappers and Sorry Sorry has no rapping parts

40. Minho really really wants to rap but Seokhoon (the vocal coach) doesn’t want to let him and also is mad at him because he wants to rap instead of singing like wow what? A rapper wants to rap instead of singing?? Wow unbelievable

41. CHEETAH CAME IN AND SAID HE WANTS TO HEAR THE RAP THANK U THANK U THANK U Minho kiddo looked like he’s gonna tear up when he saw her

42. Seunho was chose to jump on other’s backs since hes so handsome and APPARENTLY ALSO A PIANO GENIUS WOW WHAT ON EARTH DID HE JUST PLAY

43. I really hope this group will do good since their opponents are sooo strong

44. Aaahahahha fuck their choreo is so good and the harmonizations I might be biased but the Sorry Sorry stages are literally The Best of this show so far

45. Seunho is like what 16 yrs old who let him look so good go away his body build makes him look so much older

46. DANCE BREAK IS SO GOOD DUDE WHAT AND SEUNHOS JUMP WAS SO GOOD HIS EXPRESSION AFTER THAT WAS SOO IMPACTFUL AAHAHAH FUCK DUDE some dude in the audience screamed like someone bit his leg off honestly same

47. I’ve watched maybe 3 original SuJu sorry sorry versions yet I can sing almost the entire thing that’s what an impactful song means lmao

48. TEAM 2 AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH THERE THEY ARE MY ULT KIDS

49. JR is taking care of Hyunbin this is like Sejeong and Sohye last season honestly SO CUTE I LOVE JR SO MUCH THAT KID IS THE SOFTEST LEADER I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

50. Their vocal coach tried to drag JR’s leadership uhh maybe kindly fuck off that kid doesn’t need your picking to hate himself when will he stop BLAMING HIMSELF

51. Hyunbin is making mistakes and their dance coach keeps bullying JR like fuck no other leaders got this much shit even when their teammates couldn’t get it done right

52. He takes all his time to take care of the others like help Hyunbin and Jaehwan with their dance and sleepy/sick Daniel

53. JR finally broke when Hyunbin isn’t taking it seriously enough

54. Sorry Sorry black team laughing together in deliriously sick sleep deprivation and choking stress is still probably the most beautiful ray of hope and sunshine in this ugly show I LOVE THIS TEAM SO MUCH

55. There we go the best stage of this cursed show is here Seungwoos expressions are SO ON POINT ITS SO GOOD JUST DEBUT THEM NOW

56. They all look so good I’m shook Daniel with a middle part was something I didn’t know I needed before I had it

57. Lmao Jisung jokingly doing the moves along when Daniel appeared

58. JAEHWANS VOCALS AND HARMONIES!!!!!!!! F U C K !!!!!!!

59. I’m so biasaed towards this team if u decide to bring my follower count into single digits for this it’s understandable

60. But I still really love team 1 too please don’t misunderstand Ha Minho is my lil kid with enough balls to speak his mind even if he gets fucked by rude coaches for it

61. ‘Result is important but other team did well so I told them that too’ I love JR ok friendship is magic

62. HYUNBIN GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE OF THEM ALL. WHAT THE HECK DUDE LIKE BRO FELLA BROTHER I LOVE HYUNBINN HAVE LOVED FOR A WHILE BUT. THE HIGHEST SCORE?? BRUH? HIS OPPONENT ONLY HAD 7 VOTES THIS IS SO SAD IM SAD THIS KID IS DEAD INSIDE

63. Everyone in team 2 besides Seunho got really low votes I’m so sad…… bruh…. They’re so so so so SO talented but they went against the popular kids…

64. Showing individual votes is so cruel and 3000 EXTRA VOTES IS TOO MUCH IM E M O THIS IS SO UNFAIR FUCK THIS SHOW!!! Team 1 looks so wrecked I’m so sad they have almost a 300 vote gap

65. It is BEAST TIME ONE OF THE BOYS HAS A CRUTCH WHAT THE HELLLLLL

66. The crutch boy is Dongmyeong and he’s in team 1 as well as Sunghyuk with thick lips and looks a bit like Shownu

67. Team 1 has a loooot of problems distributing parts and practicing in general while team 2 was almost ready

68. Sunghyuk is sadddddddd and crying bc he feels like they’re gonna lose but in the end the practice went better tho thank god

69. They look great Dongmyeong’s hair looks like vanilla ice cream with strawberry swirls and he’s sitting in a chair and singing doing the choreo with his hands SO CUTEEE

70. The second team is very vocally gifted and has AMAZING HARMONIES WOOOO their main vocal Jinhyung is AMAZING

71. Dongsoo from S.How I think got forced into a rap position and has a leg injury but he’s covering it up from teachers

72. DONGSOO DID SO WELLL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEYE SHOWED IN PRACTICE THANK U MNET FOR SHOWING HIS PROGRESS

73. EVERYDAY I CHUG (CHUG) EVERY NIGHT I CHUG (CHUG)

74. Team 2 won by like 100 votes, all of the team 1 members are very hopeless, esp Sunghyuk, Team 2 Park Heeseok only got 5 votes holy shitt POOR BABY THIS MUST FEEL SO BAD HE LITERALLY TAUGHT THEM THE DANCE

75. BE MINE BE MINE WOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THIS SONG WAS MY FIRST EVER KPOP FAVE

76. Hwiseung already did his military service holy shit he looks so young

77. I don’t even know who I am rooting for both those teams are great team 1 has great vocals and teamwork+FNC Hwiseung the power vocal. Team 2 has great dance, more popularity + the little Woojin, Takada Kenta, BNM alpaca Youngmin and oldie Sungwoo

78. Team 1 has an injured ankle too, Yehyun, but he’s still dancing without crutches or anything

79. HWISEUNGS VOCALS SAVED MY LIFE I WANT HIM, JAEHWAN AND WOODAM IN A TRIO PLEASE

80. They changed Sungyeol’s ‘Can you hear me?’ into ‘Pick me pick me’ im ded

81. Kahi is the best teacher I love her so so so much she’s the best thing in this entire show

82. I FORGOT TIPTOES WAS SUNGWOOS NICKNAME THIS IS AMAZING

83. I’m so glad they’re doing Infinite honestly I love Infinite can we do B.A.P or Teen Top or VIXX next

84. Team 2 wins almost exactly by one hundred and the votes are veeeeery equal and Youngmin barely got anything why are the dancers not appreaciated

85. AVENGERS VS BAEKHOS TEAM YOOOOOOOO Baekho has also Sangbin and Guanlin and RBW Lee

86. IM CHOKING THE AVENGERS ALL SOUND LIKE BABIES WHY DID THEY CHOOSES THIS SONG IM CHOKING

87. They can’t really sing, the avengers, damn. They lay it all on Daehwi but like cmon hes 17 and just tryna survive with the popular kids lol

88. AAahahahahah they’re just little kids this is so funny to watch I’m sorry all Avengers fans but like shit when they break into the chest pounding part I just start to laugh their voices are so high don’t get me wrong I looooooove Samuel and Sungwoon but fuck this is funny

89. They should’ve gone with Seventeen or SHINee something with a morer fitting image

90. The Real Fuckbois team is now up fuck I love this team so much aahahahah like no shit they will lose to all of those popular kids but still

91. Oh nooooo Baekho pointed out that the Avengers were cheating and using a third vocal for thhe high note without telling anyone WHAT AN EVIL MAN anyways Baekho produces music and does vocal coaching he knows what he’s talking about lmao lmao

92. THEY LOOK LIKE SUCH DIRTY FUCKBOIS HOLY SHITTTT THIS IS BEAUTIFULthis stage is SO LIT dude I love it they just carried Guanlin as if he was on a throne now both Cube kids get to sit/step on other trainees lmao

93. SOMEONE DID A BACKFLIP WHOS THAT IT’S THE BLONDIE KID WITH A LOOSE TIE ITS LEE INSU

94. Team 2: are fuckbois

Entire dressing room: stands up and claps

It’s true I was there, clapping

95. Guanlin trumped Samuel, Baekho trumped Sungwoon, all other wins go to team 1

96. Am I salty? Yes I am Team 1 won with abt 200 votes. They have more views and likes on YouTube though.

97. Mansae first team got the most votes out of all teams and gets to go to MCountdown IM SO GLAD ALL OF THOSE KIDS WHO AREN’T ON SUCH HIGH RANKS GOT SAVED I’M SO GGLADD

98. I’m SOOOOOOO FUCKING ANGRY SO MANY A AND B RANK TALENTED KIDS ARE IN SUCHHHHHH LOW RANKINGS THIS IS DEPRESSING

99. Lbr for a moment this show really isn’t about talent it’s about popularity and visuals

100. WOODAM GOT FIRST THO IM SO FUCKING AMAZED THIS KID DESERVES IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH DUDEEEEE THAT KID IS SO TALENTED I’M SO GLAD PEOPLE RECIOGNIZED IT

101. SANGBIN FELL TO LAST PLACE WHY ARE THEY GETTING SO SO MANY VOTES 3000 IS TOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO MAD ALSO THEY SHOWED JINWOO FOR A MOMENT AND SANGGYUN IS WORRIED IM SSO SO SADDDDD THE NEXT EP IS ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY ITS RELEASING ON THE SAME DAY AS BAP ARE IN GERMANY

YOOOOOOOOO Sorry for the screencaps again also pls message or talk to me I am... So Emotional over this show I love everyone i will cry when this is over and I won’t see like 40 of my kidws ever again

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imagine-ikebukuro · 8 years ago

Text

tagged in a few things

more under the cut!

92 truths meme

Tagged by: @glitzcake thank u!

LAST…

[1] Drink: orange juice

[2] Phone call: a friend of mine, annika

[3]Text message: my brother

[4] Song you listened to: this remix, i’m obsessed with it lately!

[5] Time you cried: aw shit, a few days ago? last weekend? idk man

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: no

[7] Been cheated on: nope

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: yup

[9] Lost someone special: kind of? but… more in a sense of drifting apart rather than someone passing away

[10] Been depressed: not diagnosed, but i’m pretty sure my mental health is not at its best at all

[11] Gotten drunk and thrown up: lmao yes and not only once either

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLORS…

[12] grey!

[13] turquoise!

[14] burgundy!

IN THE LAST YEAR…

[15] IN THE LAST YEAR…

[16] fallen out of love: nah

[17] laughed until you cried: pretty sure

[18] found out someone was talking about you: people be talking shit 24/7 and all i gotta say about it: I DON’T CARE AS LONG AS IT’S ABOUT ME

[19] met someone who changed you: mhhhh, no not really

[20] found out who your true friends are: definitely!

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yeeeaaah? could’ve been in 2015, my sense of time is terrible Dx

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: 90% of people, 5% others are friends i’ve known for several months or years over the internet and 5% are random people or some “celebrities” i found lmao

[23] do you have any pets: no, sadly not ;;

[24] do you want to change your name: i’m fine with my name, tbh!

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: i went to the museum and ate sushi with my family and a few weeks later had a party with my friends

[26] what time did you wake up: today? 8am

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: watching youtube videos

[28] name something you cannot wait for: to finally be accepted to college and not being nervous about applying for university and everything, but have it all sorted out

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: she’s sitting in the same room as me right now

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: if i could go back in time, i would do anything to have my father and i get along properly today

[31] what are you listening to right now: a zelda remix playlist

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: actually, yes, i had a huge crush on someone named tom, he was two classes above me during middle school

[33] something that is getting you nervous: the thought of me getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, ugh. also, general organization and planning shit, like applying for college, moving out of my hometown, living on my own very soon, being forced to meet new people, all that jazz.

[34] most visited website: i guess tumblr? even though, lately, it’s probably youtube

[35] elementary: 2004 - 2008

[36] high school: graduated last year

[37] college: i can apply for my first semester next week. if i’m accepted, i’ll start going there in fall this year.

[38] hair color: i’m a ginger, so red-brown

[39] long or short hair: short! i cut it into an undercut like almost 2 years ago

[40] do you have a crush on someone: no, i avoid that shit

[41] what do you like about yourself: my eye color?

[42] piercings: i literally got zero piercings, not even on my ears, but i wish i had an industrial piercing and i used to really want flesh tunnels, maybe i’ll get there eventually

[43] blood type: i actually don’t know :^)

[44] nickname: some people call me lilly, some call me li. the villagers in my animal crossing town call me ukeprince, wot

[45] relationship status: married to the neighbour’s cat which i saw from my window and went out for just to pet it about 500 times by now

[46] zodiac sign: virgo!

[47] pronouns: they/them, she/her, he/him

[48] fav tv show: at the moment i’m watching PLL (but i don’t like it at all so rip) my favorite’s gotta be buffy the vampire slayer!

[49] tattoos: none yet

[50] right or left hand: right handed

FIRST…

[51] surgery: i had surgery in my mouth last year and like mentioned above, i’m getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, if that counts

[52] piercing: none

[53] best friend: she’s not even active on tumblr anymore, rip, her name’s lydia though IF YOU READ THIS, THEN HELLO MY BRO

[54] sport: i’m planning to swim regularly again after recovering and healing up from surgery

[55] vacation: if it counts, my first ever “vacation” was the music festival Rock im Park 2013 with my father and a good friend of mine

[56] pair of trainers: no clue

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: nothing

[58] drinking: orange juice

[59] i’m about to: maybe get to playing some loz: botw

[60] listening to: still the loz remix playlist

[61] waiting for: anxious feelings to pass

[62] want: a huge cup of coffee

[63] get married: nopedy nope, i don’t fixate myself on wishing to get married. if it happens, it happens and i’ll be happy about it, but if not, then that’s cool on my terms, too!

[64] career: i’m working on becoming a teacher (i want to teach german, english and ethics in high schools)

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: honestly, it depends, but generally, i’d say hugs

[66] lips or eyes: eyessss

[67] shorter or taller: i don’t care, both is nice

[68] older or younger: as long as it’s pretty close to my age, i don’t mind

[69] romantic or spontaneous: neither LMAO if i had to chose, romantic, bc i’m as spontaneous as a potato, i gotta plan ahead, bruh

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: stomach! and by that i mean any kind of stomach! ripped af or soft, i’m weak.

[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: a nice balance between the two would be cool. let’s be real though, troublemakers always catch my eye, even though i’m quickly annoyed by them just as well wtf is wrong with me

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: no

[75] drank hard liquor?: yes

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses?: no wtf i’d be walking around half blind

[77] turned someone down: yes

[78] sex on first date?: no

[79] broken someone’s heart?: apparently so

[80] had your own heart broken?: at the time i think i would’ve called it that, but honestly, it wasn’t that horrible, so nah?

[81] been arrested?: no

[82] cried when someone died?: yeah

[83] fallen for a friend?: do lowkey crushes count in which you gush over how amazing someone is? platonic crushes? it’s a thing.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself?: i used not to, but lately i’m more confident i think!

[85] miracles?: not really

[86] love at first sight?: no

[87] Santa Claus?: no

[88] kiss on the first date?: sure

[89] angels?: no

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Lydia

[91] eye color: greyish-green (if i cry or sometimes late at night they’re really GREEN!)

[92] favorite movie: nightmare before christmas!

10 questions ask game.

tagged by @peacefuldesires thx!

What things make you smile and all warm-fuzzy inside? CATS no seriously, i can have the worst day, but when i walk home and get to pet a cat on the way, i instantly better. i remember coming home after my last final exam all upset and a cat meowing at me and purring and wanting to cuddle with me and i couldn’t help but smile!

What things make you feel a bit sad (don’t push yourself to answer this one)? my current family situation, there’s a bit of drama and fights going on.

What things inspire you to grow? anything and everything, to be honest. there’s new things you experience and learn every single day. things you conquer and master just fine and mistakes you make and all of them shape you into knowing what to do next time a bit more.

The last song(s) that you couldn’t stop listening to? i can’t really think of anything right now, uhhhh, i’ve been listening to the trust me durarara!! ending lately again haha

5. Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert? What kind (are you a shy extrovert, super confident introvert, or perhaps a really confused ambivert :0)?: i’m an introvert through and through. i wouldn’t say i’m exceptionally shy nor super confident. i’m somewhere in between. it really depends, around my friends i’m outgoing and cheering and with certain strangers, especially if i know i have to talk with them for literally no longer than 3 minutes right now (i.e. a cashier or someone you walk past) then i’m polite and rather talkative. i just feel exhausted even after spending a lot of time with friends, though the time was enjoyable, but i need my alone time for sure.

What calms you down? the triangle breath! it’s my favorite method to use whenever i feel anxious, upset, angry, or just need to stop and pause for a few minutes. you picture a triangle in your mind (you can even trace it with your finger, or if you can draw it on a piece of paper). you take a breath in through your nose, tracing one side of the triangle. then you breathe out through your mouth, tracing the second and third side of it. other than that, listening to music, taking a nap, petting a cat, watching videos of cats or other cute stuff, sometimes playing a video game.

A character that you really relate to (perhaps you have similar personalities, or maybe you came from similar backgrounds)?: this is gonna sound trashy, but saeyoung choi from mystic messenger and there’s a story behind it too. my friends were playing it way before me and told me “there’s this character that looks just like you, you know nerd glasses, messy red hair, always wearing a baggy black hoodie. he even acts like you, making puns and using memes ALL THE TIME!” and it’s true lmao. also, kaneki ken to some extent? like i really resonate with his personality, the choices he makes, his thoughts speak to me, he’s pretty harsh on himself and goes through ways that are self destructive if he can help others with it.

One thing you love learning? language, it’s just fascinating to me.

Angst or fluff? ANGST, I AM THE ANGST QUEEN, COME ON

If you punch yourself, does that mean you’re strong or does that mean you’re weak? neither and a little bit of both at the same time. let’s go deep in on this one and take the “punch” as emotional self loathing. bashing yourself down definitely doesn’t mean you’re strong, it doesn’t make you tough at all, it only means you’re harsh on yourself. it doesn’t make you weak either. you’re making yourself believe you are weak, but the fact that you endure that and still have the power to do so, means you’re tougher than you’re think.

MY QUESTIONS:

Now that spring’s here, what’s your favorite thing about this season and what do you not like about it?

What’s your spirit animal? Literally. Which animal do you think resembles your inner self and why? (maybe your Patronus, if you know it?

What’s your go-to order at a café?

Do you consider yourself to be creative?

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? If so, what? If not, why?

Where do you see yourself in 20 years from now?

Home sweet home, what makes you feel comfortable in your own home? What’s the overall aesthetic of your room, any colors, textures, an atmosphere, do you maybe keep many stuffed animals or posters or plants?

What do you think is most important when it comes to friendship?

What’s something you improved in since last year?

Werewolves or Vampires, which are cooler?

I tag: @imagine-your-party-hosts || @obsessivefujoshi || @dotaccino || @mollyxmousey || anyone who wants to do this

#i was tagged #shut up liane #long post for ts #not drrr

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originalzinn · 8 years ago

Note

every. single. one.

Jfc okay let’s do this

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

1. this is bad 2. how many drinks did i have

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Dating! Seeing him in about two months

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depends on what kind of drugs?

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Nah

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Mmm...kind of. Inevitably, no, because I don’t think I could’ve done anything about the situation.

7. What does your last received text say?

“You almost here?”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Uh.......I don’t remember? Many times lol

9. Where was your last kiss at?

OKC Airport

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

Don’t have a sister

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Usually water, lately coffee though because I’m starting to become dependent on it to wake up (which is bad)

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed :)

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

Parts of them are hard, other parts are easy. Overall, I’d say they’re more difficult than being single?

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Nope! I don’t think so

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Nope!

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Oh man. I love both. If it’s summer/spring, rainy. If it’s fall/winter, sunny. Ugh Idk though, I love rainy days. If it’s rainy, it has to be raining for like several days straight with thunder and everything. Otherwise I just get anxiety about my rainy lazy day ending and forcing me to feel bad about being unproductive. I think about this a lot.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Probably, but none that I’m aware of

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

TEAM NO PANTS

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

I have literally no idea. I’ll probably be in grad school, so I’m guessing no, but it could be either.

20. Does anyone like you?

god, I hope so

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

lol yeS

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

God I hope not (no)

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

YES. There’s like 2-3 of them

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yes! I have 2 artists I really want to get tattoos from, probably on my forearm and inside of my bicep.

25. In the past week have you cried?

Almost!

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

SHIT I DON’T REMEMBER

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

OUT

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Yes his name was Josh and he also played the saxophone and he was my first kiss 🤔 That was a weird choice

29. Do you think you’re old?

nO, I feel old sometimes, but I’m not

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yes, for quick communication, but I don’t really like holding a conversation via text if it’s with someone I’m just getting to know

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s been okay! Too much work for a Friday imo, but I got a lot done. I was in class from 7:30-2:00 w/ 2 short breaks and then I went to tutoring for igmet and then studied for 2 hours, ate dinner, practiced mello for like an hour and a half, and then saw an opera because my friends were playing in the pit. Now I’m going to bed 😊

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

My nose is definitely pierced haha. So yes.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Depends on my mood, but I think warm. I haaaate being cold and I get cold easily. Growing up in Nevada and then marching drum corps has accustomed me to heat.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Yeah, many people.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Relationship, I think. I get too emotionally attached for flings.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

??????????we’re all p complicated?? too deep 4 me

37. What song are you listening to?

Blacks by Dawn Golden and Rosy Cross

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Yes! I’m stubborn as fuck so I usually mean it if I apologize

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

RACHEL

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

He’s easygoing but really caring and loving

41. When did you last receive a text message?

7:45pm

42. What is wrong with you right now?

I’m not doing well enough at the things I need to do well at? I haven’t been studying enough, haven’t gotten my mello part down, haven’t contacted my old job about actually paying me

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Very well!

44. Does anyone disgust you?

YES

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

NooooOOoO

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

I’m feeling pretty neutral

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Trevor! 📯 Or...I guess Matt bc I said good job to him when I was leaving the opera but Trevor was the last person I had a conversation with

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Gray

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Yes! I have a rehearsal scheduled for the night before a really tough exam

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yeah, kind of. Also people I’ve already given up on.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

God, no. Really positive feelings towards him.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Lol no. I’ll cut people off if I need to.

53. Do you like rain?

YES I love it

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Hell no, let’s get drunk together

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Of course?

56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES I LOVE TO CUDDLE

57. Are you shy?

Depends on the atmosphere, people I’m with. Generally, yeah.

58. Do you get along with girls?

Yes!

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Nooooooooooooooo

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Phone

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

Yes, if I could bring a friend.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

Already have!

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Yeah 😎

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Um. Honestly, not really into it. Once in a while, yeah, it’s cute. But if it’s like multiple times in one night, I feel like I’m just chillin with my grandma or something. Idk it’s more of a familial gesture to me, but I guess it can be cute.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Nah, not really. I may have seen a cute cat video.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

They’re currently 20, 25, ???noidea?

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

Do em myself! I used to do nail art and I was p good at it.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

EW NEITHER

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

Yep, a University of Aberdeen sticker and a SCV sticker

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

Yikes neither

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?

iPhone

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

I can’t remember 🤔

73. Do you like diet soda?

Nope, I don’t really like soda at all

74. What color are the walls in your room?

At school, white. At home, yellow

75. Are you 16 or older?

Yes!

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

Nope

77. Do you have a job?

Technically, yes, but I haven’t worked there or gotten hours since October

78. What are your initials?

Too personal :0

79. Did you ever have braces?

Yes and I need to wear my retainers!

80. Are you from the south?

Thank god no

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

I love rehearsal runs of clowns; there's nothing like hearing the opening chords of clowns while performing it solely for your Vanguard family. Thank you for such a special week, Santa Clara Vanguard!

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

Nope

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

Probably my mom?

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

I did gymnastics VERY briefly when I was really young

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

I think it was La La Land?

86. Do you smoke?

Cigarettes, no, weed, occasionally

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

Heels.

88. Is your phone touch screen?

Yeeeeeee

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

Curly! More like wavy. I just wash it and go

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

Nope

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

Hmmm...I think lakes are kinda fun! Idk swimming at Tahoe was a lot of fun. It’s like swimming in the ocean except less scary

92. Have you ever made out in a car?

Yes :0

93. …Had sex in a car?

Nope

94. Are you single or in a relationship?

In a relationship

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

Either getting ready for bed or reading a chapter for my geowriting class

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

Nov 5, 2015 I think.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

Yeah, it does a good job

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

Nope, I don’t think I could do that

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

Nope! I’ve passed out while drinking, but that was like one drink in and it was because I was just really really tired. It was also at my own birthday party haha

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

...yeah

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

NOPE I’M SAFE AF

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

Not really, I have leftover tan lines from this summer though!

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

Only if I were like...going two stepping in Texas in the summer. Otherwise, no.

ALSO this person messaged me and added 105. post a selfie but I’m in bed so I’ll post an old one from Christmas :)

THANKS MY DUDE

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obtusemedia · 7 years ago

Text

In Ascending Order: Ranking Every Peak-Era (1980-2004) U2 Song

Few classic rock bands’ legacies have been as negatively impacted by their latter-day material as U2. Or at least that’s how it seems whenever the Irish four-piece release a new album: The knives (and snark) come out on Twitter and in critical reviews.

This always struck me as a little odd: Yeah, I’m not going to defend Songs of Experience or anything — their recent albums are legitimately bland and uninspired. But they’re also nearly 40 years into their recording career. The Rolling Stones lost their juice 15 years before that, and most other classic rock titans like The Beatles or Led Zeppelin or Guns n’ Roses simply broke up when they were still hot. The only classic rocker who stayed legitimately relevant in his old age is David Bowie, and even he was irrelevant for about 15-20 years before his final two comeback albums (maybe U2 can pull that off in a decade or two?).

So instead of focusing on U2′s diminishing returns, I want to celebrate their peak, starting with their energetic 1980 debut, Boy, up until the last album one could legitimately call a hit, 2004′s How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. This is a ranking of all 119 original album tracks from the 11 albums U2 released during this period. Here’s the ground rules:

1) No new tracks. The bottom of this list would be clogged with Songs of Experience and Songs of Innocence tracks otherwise (with a notable exception). It hurts to cut out No Line on the Horizon, which I’ve always found underrated, but it was a flop, and frankly, even its best songs wouldn’t crack the top 20. (Also, I’m not trying to make jokes about that forcing-songs-onto-your-phone debacle for half the list)

2) No covers or live (re-recorded) tracks. This only really applies to Rattle And Hum, which sprinkled in live recordings of previous U2 songs, as well as classic rock covers. I’m only counting the brand-new songs from that album. However, if it’s a new track that’s a live recording, it qualifies.

3) No EP tracks, side projects or stand-alone singles. This rule disqualifies anything from the Passengers album, Wide Awake in America, or any movie soundtrack tunes (or “A Celebration,” which I adore for how ridiculous the music video is).

#119: “Wild Honey” (All That You Can’t Leave Behind, 2000): Dear lord, is this saccharine. Corny hippie love songs are absolutely not a good fit for U2, and the band themselves seem over it. Also, pro tip: don’t compare yourself to a monkey.

#118: “One Step Closer” (How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, 2004): Unfortunately, it’s not a Linkin Park cover. In fact, it’s crazy boring.

#117: “Grace” (Leave Behind): Anyone who tries to tell you All That You Can’t Leave Behind is a top-tier U2 album clearly has only listened to the first half, because the second-half is quite uninspired. “Grace” tries to personify the titular attribute over a quiet soft-rock beat, and you’ll forget everything about it as soon as you listen to something else.

#116: “Love Rescue Me” (Rattle And Hum, 1988): Bob Dylan co-wrote and sings with Bono on this song. Unfortunately, it isn’t anywhere near “Like A Rolling Stone.” In fact, it’s six-and-a-half minutes of by-the-numbers bar blues that really makes clear why Rattle And Hum was considered a disappointment at the time.

#115: “Yahweh” (Atomic Bomb): I’m going to apologize now for the bottom of this list being mostly filler tracks from Atomic Bomb and Leave Behind, but I couldn’t help it. They both have their classics (we’ll get to those later), but when they’re bad — like in “Yahweh,” where Bono literally asks Jesus to kiss him on the mouth — they’re quite bad.

#114: “A Man And A Woman” (Atomic Bomb): Can someone let U2 know that they’re from Ireland and not Spain and they really can’t pull off this tired Latin-lover schtick?

#113: “The Playboy Mansion” (Pop, 1997): A lot of Pop reeks of its time period, but I don’t mind that for the most part. However, “Playboy Mansion” is dated in the worst way. It’s sleazy without being fun, like a half-drunk lounge singer mumbling at 3 a.m. in some upstate New York Holiday Inn about random pop culture references (Big Macs? Plastic surgery? O.J. Simpson?!). “Playboy” has aged very badly, and not in an entertaining way, unfortunately.

#112: “Is That All?” (October, 1981): There’s no songs on October, U2′s most forgotten album, that are outright garbage, but there are a few that are definitely pointless and meandering. This is one of them. “Is That All?” sounds like the record company needed one more song for the album, and the band just threw this together in 5 minutes.

#111: “Peace On Earth” (Leave Behind): The production is lifeless, but Bono’s lyrics actually have some bite to them. His moaning about the dire state of the world is a bit overwrought, but in an album full of rah-rah optimism, this is a nice change of pace.

#110: “4th of July” (The Unforgettable Fire, 1984): It’s an instrumental track. It does provide some nice atmospheric build-up for the classic song that immediately follows it, but on its own, “4th of July” is very skippable.

#109: “Crumbs From Your Table” (Atomic Bomb): “Crumbs” has a nice rock groove, but I think I’ll pass on the guilt trip. Yes, world hunger is a legitimate issue that Bono is noble for trying to fix, but instead of inspiring people to help here, he just gets bitter. Not for me. Although “Crumbs” does get one great line in: “Where you live should not decide/whether you live or whether you die.”

#108: “When I Look At The World” (Leave Behind): Decent production, but a forgettable tune and lyrics.

#107: “Red Light” (War, 1983): I’ve always felt that War would make a fabulous 8-song, super-short album. But nope, there’s two extra songs that are quite pointless, if not outright bad. “Red Light” is one of them. Bono gives the necessary energy, but there’s no hook. And the trumpet solo feels very out-of-place.

#106: “Stranger In A Strange Land” (October): This song is about immigration, but unfortunately, like most of the songs from October, the lyrics are too bare-boned to go too in-depth (Bono infamously lost his lyric book in Portland, Ore. right before they were set to record...oops).

#105: “Surrender” (War): This is the other song that should’ve been kept off War. It also lacks a good hook or interesting lyrics, but the verse melody is halfway-decent, so it goes a couple spots over “Red Light.”

#104: “Another Time Another Place” (Boy, 1980): Boy is a sneaky-good debut album from a band that’s mostly remembered for their mid-period years in the late-’80s and early-’90s. I’ve always felt their unpolished early albums never got the love they deserved. Unfortunately, “Another Time Another Place” doesn’t help my argument: it’s pretty paint-by-numbers.

#103: “Some Days Are Better Than Others” (Zooropa, 1993): Whether you like U2′s futuristic fever dream Zooropa or not, you certainly can’t call it unmemorable. ...except this song, which is pretty unmemorable.

#102: “Fire” (October): “Fire” has a nice rollicking energy to it that’s ruined by some of the most painfully unimaginative lyrics I’ve heard in a U2 song. The missing lyric book strikes again!

#101: “The Ocean” (Boy): It’s the shortest U2 song! Yes, even shorter than the instrumental “4th of July.” “The Ocean” is a nice melancholy tune, but because of its brief runtime, it sort of comes and goes without leaving much impact.

#100: “In A Little While” (Leave Behind): I guess for a John Mayer soundalike, this isn’t bad. The melody is nice. But ugh — I will never be able to stomach that faux-troubadour, early/mid-’00s singer-songwriter sound. Sorry, blame Jack Johnson oversaturation during my formative years.

#99: “If You Wear That Velvet Dress” (Pop): A gorgeous, subtle ballad that’s a breath of fresh air on U2′s noisiest album. Or at least, I’m assuming; I honestly can’t hear what’s going on. Bono is whispering more than singing for the entire first minute, and you have to crank up the volume just to tell what the hell’s going on. I get what they were going for here — a bleak, desperate ballad — but the execution was off.

#98: “Original of the Species” (Atomic Bomb): Atomic Bomb has lots of corny moments, and this entire song is one of them. It’s also kind of a mess, structure-wise: “Original” feels like a Frankenstein’s monster of power ballads, like four different songs awkwardly smushed together. But, I’d be lying if that chorus doesn’t have enough classic U2 oomph to redeem “Original” just a bit.

#97: “Scarlet” (October): A song with one word? I mean, you could call it intentionally minimalist...or you could assume that Bono was winging it after he left that lyric book in Portland. Yes, that one incident scars most of the album.

#96: “Daddy’s Gonna Pay For Your Crashed Car” (Zooropa): I think this is U2 going after the one percent, but it might be about a pimp? Or a serial killer? It’s kind of vague, which I feel was supposedly intentional. Unfortunately, the production takes too long to really pick up to help the song stand out beyond that.

#95: “Shadows and Tall Trees” (Boy): I don’t really go to Boy for its spaced-out ballads, but “Shadows” is still an okay track. The imagery is oblique and mysterious, and the final climax is a nice touch as well. Nothing mind-blowing (the lyrics get a bit repetitive), but it’s certainly an acceptable album closer.

#94: “Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses” (Achtung Baby, 1991): Achtung might be U2′s best album (sorry, Joshua Tree), but if there’s a weak link, this is it. “Wild Horses” isn’t a terrible tune, but it certainly suffers from cliched lyrics and production/melody that sounds suspiciously like a car commercial. It’s the band’s awkward attempt at a Springsteen song, and it doesn’t quite click.

#93: “I Threw a Brick Through a Window” (October): Definitely on the repetitive side, but that opening drum beat! And the Edge’s furious guitar work! It’s only half a song, but at least it’s a pretty good half.

#92: “Exit” (The Joshua Tree, 1987): Easily the darkest, most sinister song on Joshua Tree, but it doesn’t quite work. The climax is great — it’s all discordant guitar shredding and fast-paced drums — but it’s too short, and the buildup isn’t interesting enough.

#91: “Love and Peace or Else” (Atomic Bomb): This is another U2 track with a great idea (that sludgy, distorted guitar tone in the beginning is delicious), but winds up not quite working due to another factor (Bono turning it into a mediocre blues song).

#90: “Indian Summer Sky” (The Unforgettable Fire): It’s a near carbon-copy of “Wire,” which appeared just earlier on the album. Luckily (as you’ll see later), “Wire” is a great song, so “Indian Summer Sky” isn’t a disaster by any means. But it also fails to stand out.

#89: “When Love Comes to Town” with B.B. King (Rattle And Hum): When Rattle And Hum was released, some critics took shots at U2 trying to place themselves among rock legends like B.B. King, but I don’t really have an issue with that. What I have a problem with is Bono getting completely outclassed on his own song (King fulfills his duty with some silky-smooth guitar solos), which turns out to be pretty standard blues-rock. Come on, y’all could’ve given King something better to work with.

#88: “The Refugee” (War): This song is kind of ridiculous (having tribal drums for a song about refugees might not have been the most sensitive choice there, guys), but it’s got enough righteous anger and energy (and grunting noises???) to make it memorable. Not a War highlight, but not skip-worthy, either.

#87: “Heartland” (Rattle And Hum): “Heartland,” Bono’s ode to the American landscape, certainly is gorgeous. Edge and Larry Mullen Jr.’s harmonizing backing vocals add a lot here. But it feels a bit odd to have Bono singing his guts out on the chorus about ... uh, wheat fields and rivers.

#86: “If God Will Send His Angels” (Pop): I’m not sure if this song was meant to sound sleazy or sincere, it unfortunately winds up in the awkward middle in-between the two. Still, Bono comes through with a solid chorus melody, and I do have to give props for songs that sound better after 1 a.m.

#85: “Mothers of the Disappeared” (The Joshua Tree): “Mothers” tackles a very heavy subject: children who had been kidnapped by dictatorships in Chile and Argentina. As a result, the funeral durge sound is appropriate. It’s not the most memorable album closer, but it wasn’t meant to be anything other than a respectful tribute, which it does nicely.

#84: “New York” (Leave Behind): It’s a bit odd that a song this pessimistic and odd (by U2 standards, at least) wound up on the very radio-friendly All That You Can’t Leave Behind. It’s an interesting, trance-like song with a nice crunchy chorus that’s only dimmed by Bono’s lyrics: “Hot as a hair dryer in your face/ Hot as a handbag and a can of mace.” ...what?

#83: “Tryin’ To Throw Your Arms Around the World” (Achtung Baby): The vibe of this song is clear from the first verse: it’s all about that feeling early in the morning where you’re coming down into a hangover and you feel sluggish and helpless, but you’re still a little drunk. It captures that moment exactly, and if it was a more pleasant moment to live through, it would’ve ranked more highly.

#82: “Twilight” (Boy): Nope, not about sparkly vampires. It is about some random old guy stalking a young schoolboy though, so the creepy, spider-like guitar hook is quite appropriate.

#81: “Trip Through Your Wires” (The Joshua Tree): U2, at the height of their powers and fame, decided to record a country song. No, not heartland rock or folk — straight-up country. And it’s shockingly okay, for a bunch of Irish guys trying to sound like they’re from Texas.

#80: “Miracle Drug” (Atomic Bomb): Like most passable late-era U2, “Miracle Drug” is cheesy as hell...but damn, that chorus hits you in the gut. It doesn’t matter what inane lyrics Bono spits out if he can belt out a soaring melody coupled with those classic Edge riffs.

#78/79: “An Cat Dubh/Into The Heart” (Boy): This pair of tracks is meant to be the soundtrack of a teenage boy being seduced for the first time (this concept isn’t nearly as icky when you remember half the band were teens at the time). But instead of feeling sexy, it sounds unsettling. Still, it kind of works as a sinister, dangerous post-post punk track, so *shrug*

#77: “Angel of Harlem” (Rattle And Hum): I’m not sure why U2 felt a connection to Billie Holiday, and this song is a bit over-the-top with its horn pop-ins and Bono’s aggressive reference-dropping. But if you give into its charms, “Angel of Harlem” has a nice R&B groove and it’s a fun little detour from the overwrought seriousness of the rest of Rattle And Hum.

#76: “So Cruel” (Achtung Baby): Achtung was partially inspired by The Edge’s still-fresh divorce, and it clearly shows on this track. “So Cruel” is a raw, wounded trip-hop ballad that would’ve been a lot better if it was trimmed by about a minute.

#75: “Promenade” (The Unforgettable Fire): There’s been a few songs so far that I’ve criticized for not really having much of a climax. “Promenade” also shares that problem, but it was done intentionally here, like a tease. Although that still frustrates me, I have to at least respect “Promenade” for its gorgeous buildup into nothing.

#74: “With a Shout (Jerusalem)” (October): I have no clue what this song is about. Probably something Biblical, given how seemingly half the lyrics are Bono yelling “JEERUUUUUSAAAALEM” and going on about blood spilling and whatnot. Regardless, that new wave groove kinda bangs.

#73: “Drowning Man” (War): This is one of two ballads on a very angry, intense album. Although “Drowning Man” is decent, it’s definitely the weaker (and rightfully less famous) of the two. Bono’s on his A-game, wailing away like a lunatic in the best way possible, but the song itself kind of meanders around and then just ends.

#72: “Numb” (Zooropa): Putting this as Zooropa’s lead single might have been U2′s ballsiest move. Sure, the band has taken plenty of risks, but introducing their new album with The Edge monotonously mumbling random statements over a glitchy industrial beat? If Pitchfork was around in 1993, they would’ve eaten it up. As a song, it’s just okay. As a prank on the general public, it’s great. As a music video, it’s U2′s undisputed best (don’t fight me on this).

#71: “Staring At The Sun” (Pop): This is easily the song that’s aged the least on Pop, which is both a positive (it doesn’t reek of the late-’90s and can easily fit into modern concert setlists) and a negative (the aggressive late-’90s vibes of Pop are actually really fun). In other words, it’s a passable mid-tempo ballad.

#70: “Van Diemen’s Land” (Rattle And Hum): Edge actually sings this one! It’s a nice little Irish folk ballad, and proof that letting the guitarist sing for a song or two is never a bad idea.

#69: “A Day Without Me” (Boy): Fun fact: this is U2′s first single from their first album. It’s a passable, bouncy tune, but I’m kind of shocked that it was chosen as a single ahead of some of Boy’s stone-cold classics (we’ll get to those later).

#68: “The First Time” (Zooropa): Nestled into an album full of weirdo experimentation is this minimalist tune about how others’ compassion means nothing if you’re not willing to accept it. Ends with a nice twist on the classic Prodigal Son story. Not U2′s most gripping ballad, but there’s something about it that lingers with you.

#67: “Stuck In A Moment You Can’t Get Out Of” (Leave Behind): The studio version is decent, but the acoustic version that Bono and Edge play live really accentuates the melancholy nature of Bono’s lyrics. Based on its backing instrumentation, “Stuck” can either be about getting stuck in a rut, or an uplifting anthem about getting yourself out of that rut.

#66: “One Tree Hill” (The Joshua Tree): No, it’s not about the TV show. “One Tree Hill” is actually a touching tribute to a former roadie and confidant of the band, Greg Carroll, a Maori man killed in a motorcycle accident. The song is an appropriate mixture of mournful and celebratory; A fitting sendoff to a good friend.

#65: “Acrobat” (Achtung Baby): Achtung Baby is a snarky, sarcastic album for the most part, but that fades away in the album’s closing three tracks, which are all proudly earnest in different ways. “Acrobat” is the angry one, in case you couldn’t tell by Edge’s sharp guitar (plus a killer solo at the end) and Bono railing against his critics. U2 have displayed their anger better in the past, but this is certainly no slouch of a song.

#64: “Last Night On Earth” (Pop): U2 takes on desert rock here, and they mostly nail it, mainly thanks to that massive, scream-along chorus. This could’ve easily fit on the Fear and Loathing soundtrack, and that’s a pretty weird thing to say about U2.

#63: “All Because of You” (Atomic Bomb): The best tracks from Atomic Bomb are in its actually-solid first half, and the rollicking, braindead-but-in-a-good-way “All Because of You” is a perfect example of that. Don’t think about it too hard, just nod your head to the dad-rock groove.

#62: “Stories For Boys” (Boy): I’m honestly surprised this many songs from Boy didn’t make the top half of the countdown given how much I like the album, but it’s more of a consistent record than a truly legendary one. “Stories For Boys” is essentially a catchier version of a lot of the album’s other wire-y post-punk jams.

#61: “I Fall Down” (October): Now we’re getting into the October tracks that actually feel like real songs instead of half-baked ideas. “I Fall Down” has all of the great early U2 hallmarks: a classy Edge piano riff; a surging, angry chorus; and Bono singing oblique cryptic lyrics that make no sense, but hey, they sound cool. Underrated track.

#60: “In God’s Country” (The Joshua Tree): AMERICA. BALD EAGLES. DESERTS. FARMS. OPEN PLAINS AND STUFF. (In all seriousness, this is a solid tune, if a bit hyperbolic with the Americana-themed lyrics.)

#59: “Lemon” (Zooropa): We’re halfway through the list, and I think it’s appropriate to mark that with one of U2′s more prominent experiments. After Zooropa’s first single was the jokey “Numb” with Edge rapping in monotone, having the second single be Bono singing in a hammy falsetto over a disco beat felt goofy too. But on deeper listen, the lyrics are actually quite heartbreaking: Inspired by the death of Bono’s mother (we’ll return to that topic soon), “Lemon” is all about how we use photos and film to try and grasp onto the past. But tragically, just watching home videos of a dead loved one can’t bring them back. Hence, Bono is “slipping, slipping under” and “feels like (he’s) holding onto nothing.” And if you want to, you can ignore the lyrics and just jam to the very-’90s dance beat. (although it really didn’t have to be seven minutes long...)

#58: “Silver and Gold” (Rattle And Hum): Bono and the gang bring plenty of righteous fury to this anti-apartheid track, even if there is an awkward moment in the middle where Bono rambles for a minute. But then Edge...uh... “plays the blues” (which apparently is code for SHREDDING), and he redeems his singer for halting the song’s momentum.

#57: “Rejoice” (October): Here’s a secret: If you can get through the repetitive filler tracks, October smuggles in some absolute new wave BANGERS. “Rejoice” is one of them.

#56: “Wake Up Dead Man” (Pop): If you’ve ever had the desire to hear Bono drop the F-bomb in a song, here you go. But beyond that odd moment, “Wake Up Dead Man” is notable for being possibly U2′s most depressing track. Pop was described by the band as “starting at a party and ending at a funeral,” and since this is the closing song...yeah, funereal is a good descriptor. Bono is essentially on his last legs, begging God to come and save an increasingly broken world, and it’s implied that God probably won’t step in. We’re all fucked. No wonder they wrote “Beautiful Day” and “Walk On” a few years later; U2′s moods couldn’t have gone anywhere but up from this.

#55: “Elvis Presley and America” (The Unforgettable Fire): Ever wonder what it would sound like if U2 took one of their songs, slowed it down dramatically, added some sparse guitars and then had Bono ramble over it for six and a half minutes? You’d get “Elvis Presley and America,” which I hated the first 20 times I heard it. Then things clicked, and now I think it’s a work of art. Still not sure how it wound up on a U2 album, though.

#54: “Dirty Day” (Zooropa): I have no clue what this song is about, but the nocturnal, alley-dwelling vibe sure sounds cool. If you squint at it right, it could totally be one of Pulp’s darker tracks, minus the heavy British accents.

#53: “Love Is Blindness” (Achtung Baby): Out of Achtung’s emotional final three songs, “Love Is Blindness” represents despondency. The gothic atmosphere captures the sad-sack feeling fairly well, but I’ve got to admit something painful: Jack White might have done it better. These are lyrics meant to be screamed, not whispered.

#52: “Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own” (Atomic Bomb): Here’s another dead-parent ballad, this time about Bono’s dad. It’s totally cheesy, but in a very endearing way that, if I’m in the right mood, might draw a few tears out.

#51: “Babyface” (Zooropa): It feels a bit wrong to put a slimy song about what sounds like virtual reality future porn (or something like that) over a very sincere ballad about the death of Bono’s father. ...but U2 pull off being creeps really, really well! It’s actually a bit concerning how well they pull it off here, but that slinky groove is just too hard to resist.

#50: “Tomorrow” (October): “Tomorrow” is Bono’s first song about one of his parents dying; In this case, it’s his mother. The Irish bagpipes were a nice touch, and of course, it ends as a raw, emotional tornado complete with a piercing Edge solo. Imagine if all of October was as fully-formed as this.

#49: “October” (October): The other notable ballad from October is its title track, where the album’s minimalism is intentional. Edge plays a sparse, gorgeous piano line, Bono waxes poetic for a little bit about the depressing nature of the fall, and Larry Mullen Jr. and Adam Clayton get a bathroom break. I wish U2 did more stripped-down piano songs like this.

#48: “Like A Song” (War): “Like A Song” obviously isn’t as furious as some of War’s highlights, but it’s certainly not a perky song either. I’m honestly shocked this anti-nationalist anthem isn’t a bigger fan favorite: There’s a lot of nervy energy here, and Bono’s lyrics are wonderfully bombastic.

#47: “Wire” (The Unforgettable Fire): Fun fact: “Wire” is so cool that it was featured in an episode of Miami Vice. Also, it’s one of, like, three songs on Unforgettable Fire that isn’t super-ambient and hazy, so it provides a nice energy boost.

#46: “Red Hill Mining Town” (The Joshua Tree): This mid-tempo slow-burner about the 1984 UK coal miners’ strike is most notable for being the only song from Joshua Tree that U2 had never performed live — until 2017′s Joshua Tree Tour, where they performed the album in full every show. Why did they avoid playing it live? Well, listen to that chorus. Hear the high notes Bono is clearly scraping to hit. It’s incredibly impressive and moving on record, but to do that every night would destroy his vocals. I’m shocked that I got to see it live myself, but it was just as intense as I’d hoped.

#45: “Seconds” (War): War is an album about politics written in the ‘80s, so it was pretty necessary to have a song about nuclear war. This one’s got a deceptively bouncy beat and ... wait, is that Edge singing the first verse?! "Seconds” gets bumped up a couple spots just for that alone. Also, fake-happy songs about nuclear war in general are great, just ask Nena.

#44: “Miami” (Pop): I was very, very tempted to place this higher. Out of all their ‘90s experimental tracks, “Miami” might be the most weird. Yeah, “Numb” is up there too, but at least that was catchy. “Miami,” meanwhile, features sunburnt Bono ramblings about their kitschy surroundings in the titular Florida city over what sounds like the soundtrack to a stalker. Adam and Larry’s rhythm is persistent and slowly grows louder and louder, until the climax, where everything explodes: Edge’s guitar cuts through the song like a machete and Bono is screaming “MIAAAAMI” like he’s on bath salts. Does it make any sense? Hell no. But that makes this very late-‘90s excursion all the better.

#43: “Hawkmoon 269″ (Rattle and Hum): One of Rattle and Hum’s few excursions into the blues that actually works, because it’s so raw. And how about that slow build?? Over six minutes, “Hawkmoon” goes from a quiet R&B groove to Bono nearly coughing up a lung because of his vocal wailings. And of course, it closes with a gospel choir. It’s so ridiculous that it works.

#42: “Kite” (Leave Behind): What’s sadder than a dead-parent song? How about a song about your parent dying slowly before your eyes? This gut-wrenching track about Bono’s father is a tear-jerker, even with its cringy, unrelated final verse (“The last of the rock stars/when hip-hop drove the big cars”...smh).

#41: “Zoo Station” (Achtung Baby): What’s that strange, aggressively-European noise? Why, it’s the sound of rock’s greatest reinvention taking place! Its ominous opening piano plinks (which is actually the Edge distorting his guitar...how, I don’t know), Larry and Adam’s krautrock backbeat and Bono’s filtered vocals are a huge breath of fresh air from the ~authentic~ sounds of Rattle and Hum. Perfect intro to a perfect album.

#40: “Desire” (Rattle and Hum): Of course, those ~authentic~ sounds can kick ass when executed correctly. Rattle and Hum’s first single is a primal blast of Bo Diddley rockabilly that comes in, rocks your face off, and gets out. In 1988, I’m sure “Desire” almost made R&H sound like a good idea at first. Also: HARMONICA SOLO!

#39: “Please” (Pop): “Please” is sort of the sadder, dejected cousin of “Sunday Bloody Sunday”: Both songs are about The Troubles in Northern Ireland, but while the latter is an angry, righteous call-to-arms, “Please” is begging for mercy. U2 were sick and tired of the atrocities committed in the name of nationalism or loyalism (especially by 1997, when the conflict had been going on for over 30 years), and this track is a desperate, Hail Mary prayer to the politicians to do something, anything, to stop it. By 1998, the Good Friday Agreement was signed a year later, mostly ending the violence, but “Please” stands as a time capsule of Ireland and Northern Ireland’s exhaustion.

#38: “One” (Achtung Baby): Behold: The most overrated U2 song! “One” is still a good ballad, but let’s not pretend it’s U2′s best song or anything. Musically, this is just an average rock mid-tempo ballad. There’s no goosebump-inducing moments like there are with U2′s best slow tunes; With “One,” you sort of sit there, listen to it, and go, “Hmm. That was nice.” And that’s exactly what it is: Nice. It’s got a nice melody, some admittedly great lyrics, and it’ll get stuck in your head a bit. But I find myself skipping it sometimes when going through Achtung to get to that album’s weirder and wilder tracks. Sorry, I’ve just never been able to connect — but I can at least see why it’s considered a classic.

#37: “40” (War): Ending U2′s angriest album with a hopeful prayer for peace and change (based off Psalm 40) was almost necessary. After the raging fury of War’s previous nine tracks, “40″ is a calming salvo with a simple melody that could’ve been written centuries ago.

#36: “Until The End of the World” (Achtung Baby): Role-playing as one of the Bible’s most infamous villains isn’t unheard of in rock (oh hi, Mick Jagger), but this sympathetic look at Judas still stands out thanks to a killer Edge riff and Bono effectively playing both a dirtbag and a repentant sinner. Definitely an overlooked track.

#35: “Mofo” (Pop): U2 goes full ‘90s techno! ...no, wait, please come back, it’s nearly as embarrassing as you’d expect. In fact, it’s quite amazing. This is arguably some of Adam and Larry’s best rhythm work here: That drum machine and synth bassline is laser-focused. But what really makes it work is Bono, trying to cut through the noise to find a connection with his dead mother. In a way, “Mofo” serves a similar purpose as “Lemon,” but the former steps it up on the production end. It’s crazy to think that just a decade before this, U2 were writing faux-country.

#34: “God Part II” (Rattle and Hum): Supposedly this is a sequel to John Lennon’s “God,” but besides a quick shot at Lennon biographer Albert Goldman, “God Part II” has little connection to the former Beatle. Instead, what we get is a caustic, seething tirade against ‘80s capitalism, fame and other random subjects that really stands out among the rose-colored nostalgia of Rattle and Hum. It borders on ridiculous, but Bono’s unconcealed anger makes “God Part II” legitimately great.

#33: “Walk On” (Leave Behind): To a lot of people, I’m sure “Walk On” represents U2′s 21st-century descent into cornball sentimentality and empty optimism. And although there’s a lot of modern U2 songs that fit those descriptors, lay off this one. “Walk On” is a goddamn classic that’s legitimately uplifting. Is it cheesy? Duh. Does that stop the song from filling me with warm fuzzies every time? Nope.

#32: “Two Hearts Beat as One” (War): "Two Hearts” has unfortunately been overshadowed by War’s other two singles, both of which deal with much, much weightier topics. Still, a post-punk banger is a post-punk banger.

#31: “Gone” (Pop): There isn’t another U2 song that describes the intoxicating rush and subsequent crash of fame better than “Gone.” Edge’s howling air-raid-siren guitar signifies regret just as well as Bono’s melancholy lyrics: “You’re taking steps that make you feel dizzy/until you learn to like the way it feels” is a powerful, succinct way of describing celebrity’s danger and addictiveness.

#30: “Running To Stand Still” (The Joshua Tree): Now we’ve reached the legitimately legendary tracks on Joshua Tree: the first five songs. “Running To Stand Still” is the most unassuming of that opening quintet, until you realize the song’s about slowly dying from heroin in a dingy Dublin flat. Suddenly, the quiet piano ballad turns from pretty to haunting. Near the end of the track, “Running” threatens to reach a righteous, inspiring U2-trademark climax — but it never does. Just like for those heroin addicts, there wasn’t an escape.

#29: “The Unforgettable Fire” (The Unforgettable Fire): Despite U2 being one of the ‘80s’ biggest bands, they never really fit that decade’s sound and aesthetic. There’s a reason why semi-contemporaries like Duran Duran and Bon Jovi are more associated with the Reagan years: They followed the trends, while U2 kinda did their own thing. But for “Unforgettable Fire,” U2 actually created a song that sounds super ‘80s. And it’s wonderful: Massive snare drum hits! Synthesizers! Abstract lyrics about nuclear war (it was inspired by an art exhibition featuring works from Japanese atomic bomb survivors)! Honestly, this could’ve been on a John Hughes movie soundtrack and fit right in — and that’s a high compliment.

#28: “The Electric Co.” (Boy): The best moments on U2′s first two albums are when they cut loose with loud, super-catchy new wave tracks that are shockingly danceable. “Electric Co.” is absolutely one of those songs. The lyrics are mere placeholders for Edge’s first true rock-god guitar solo and Larry Mullen Jr. providing a energized beat Franz Ferdinand would’ve killed for. In other words, it’s — wait for it — electric. (I’m so sorry)

#27: “Even Better Than The Real Thing” (Achtung Baby): The acidic desert-rock of “Even Better” feels absolutely effortless. You could play this in a club today, and it might kill; That’s how perfect this groove is. And nobody played a slimy lounge lizard better than circa-1991 Bono.

#26: “Bullet The Blue Sky” (The Joshua Tree): I’d hesitate to call “Bullet The Blue Sky” U2′s angriest song (there’s a pretty massive tune still to come that fits that bill), but it’s a close second. This fiery, nearly-metal (yes, really) track is four and a half minutes of white-hot fury directed at Ronald Reagan and the U.S. military for their interventions in El Salvador and Nicaragua. It’s odd to hear a band typically thought of as “safe” directly attack an at-the-time popular president, but it’s thrilling. And how about that deliciously hammy spoken-word ending?

#25: “Pride (In The Name Of Love)” (The Unforgettable Fire): Yep, we’re getting into the big boys now. “Pride,” as I’m sure you likely know, is U2′s tribute to Martin Luther King Jr., and it’s one of the band’s iconic hits for a good reason. This is where Edge really started to develop his iconic sound, and Bono’s wailing serves a purpose here, painting MLK as a messianic savior. You wouldn’t think four pasty kids from Dublin would make a great tribute to a black American civil rights icon, but shockingly, it’s a perfect fit. “Free at last, they took your life/but they could not take your pride.”

#24: “New Year’s Day” (War): Apparently, “New Year’s Day” is about the Polish Solidarity movement. But even for someone who knows very little about Poland’s political history (like me), it’s still a perfect post-punk song. Edge pulls double-duty with both a searing guitar solo and an iconic piano riff, and Bono cranks the melodrama up to 11. Nearly half of his lines here are nearly yelled in his reach-the-cheap-seats voice, and as someone who has seen U2 multiple times in the cheap seats, let me promise you: it works. Really well. (side note: blonde is really not your color, Bono)

#23: “Gloria” (October): Man, how amazing would October have been if more of the songs were as complete and perfect as “Gloria?” I don’t think you’ll hear another new wave track that indulges in heavily religious Latin phrases as this does, but it still bangs. I have no idea how, but it bangs. By the triumphant conclusion (after a rare Adam bass solo!), you’ll be dancing along to lyrics you’ve only heard before in a stuffy Catholic mass. Who said Christian rock has to suck?

#22: “Do You Feel Loved” (Pop): Okay, when I said we’re “getting into the big tracks,” that might have been a bit misleading. Of course there’s some deep cuts that I love more than the hits, and “Do You Feel Loved” is a perfect example. I can’t understand why people dismiss Pop when it has a song that arguably features U2′s greatest bass line (yes, seriously). Adam rules this song with his seductive groove, and the rest of the band falls in line to create one of U2′s smoothest and most psychedelic dance tracks.

#21: “MLK” (The Unforgettable Fire): U2 actually wrote two tributes to MLK on The Unforgettable Fire. This one is a lot more abstract and consists of Bono singing a soothing lullaby over ambient synths. It’s an absolutely gorgeous, minimalist track that’s the perfect album closer to U2′s most spaced-out album.

#20: “Beautiful Day” (Leave Behind): Sometimes I want to pretend that I’m too good for “Beautiful Day.” I mean, it’s totally the basic person’s favorite U2 song, right? Well, those feelings end as soon as I hit play, and before I know it, I’m singing along to every word. Seriously, if you don’t like “Beautiful Day,” you might need a hug.

#19: “The Wanderer” feat. Johnny Cash (Zooropa): Yes, you read that right. On U2′s most electronic-leaning album, they snagged a Johnny Cash feature. And it’s arguably the saddest song they’ve ever recorded. Cash takes over vocal duties here, crooning about leaving his lover against a post-apocalyptic backdrop. The synthetic production clashes with Cash’s old-fashioned vocals to create a truly memorable experience, and you’ll be left stunned and slightly dejected afterwards, just like the best Western ballads.

#18: “Mysterious Ways” (Achtung Baby): I can’t believe I’m going to say this: This U2 song is legitimately sexy. At the very least, this is an all-time great Edge guitar riff.

#17: “Elevation” (Leave Behind): Yes, this track is unforgivably stupid — but you try resisting its charms when you’re surrounded by an entire stadium bouncing up and down screaming along to that hook. Just don’t think about it. (also... why were they cross-promoting the single with Tomb Raider)

#16: “Vertigo” (Atomic Bomb): The rules for “Elevation” apply here, too. If I’m not too good for “Beautiful Day,” I’m certainly not too good for this. Let’s be real: We all love this song in all its beautifully silly glory. Give into the cheese. Ignore South Park. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

#15: “Stay (Faraway, So Close!)” (Zooropa): One of the aspects of Zooropa that makes it such an underrated album is the layers of melancholy that lie beneath the robotic production. “Stay” brings that melancholy right to the forefront as a timeless ballad telling the story of post-breakup agony. A lot of U2′s ballads surge into something resembling hope, but “Stay” doesn’t fool you: This is a sad song. There’s no happy ending here. In fact, given the ending line about an angel hitting the ground, followed by an abrupt snare hit, it might end in suicide. “Stay” is the kind of song that Elvis could’ve killed, or Radiohead, or Adele; it’s that timeless in theme and melody. But Bono’s raw desperation in his vocals really sells it.

#14: “All I Want Is You” (Rattle and Hum): I guess this would be the hopeful flip of “Stay,” then. “All I Want Is You” is also a quiet acoustic ballad that ends up in Bono screaming out his lungs over a complicated relationship, but instead of despondent, this Rattle and Hum highlight feels triumphant. It’s the kind of track that you can picture closing an whirlwind romance film, the two lovers embracing in the sunset as Edge makes his guitar cry and Bono shreds his vocal cords. “All I Want Is You” might not be U2′s best power ballad, but it might be its most romantic.

#13: “I Will Follow” (Boy): U2 were all teenagers when they wrote “I Will Follow,” and it shows. The first track off of U2′s first album bursts out of the gate with unbridled youthful energy. The relentless post-punk groove only lets up for a second, as Bono rambles off some nonsense-but-somehow-cool lines about eyes, then BAM! Full throttle again. Outside of perhaps the Arctic Monkeys, MGMT and R.E.M., I’m not sure there are many bands with better introductions to the world than this. (also lol @ half the band looking like middle schoolers in the music video)

#12: “Zooropa” (Zooropa): “Zooropa,” the song, is very different than the rest of its identically-titled album. Most of Zooropa (the album) is about how technology can’t mask humanity’s despair and loneliness. But for its beautiful, magnificent title track, U2′s vision of a sardonic, aggressively commercialized future seems utopian.

“Zooropa” (the song) is an epic in three parts: It begins with a spooky piano riff, coupled with incessant noise pollution for two minutes. Then, the Edge’s slippery guitar riff calls from the distance, like a beacon, and it leads into Bono and the gang calmly spouting off advertising slogans for two minutes (yes, really). It feels overly polished...until the final third, when all chaos breaks loose and the band gives themselves into the confusion.

A giant swirl of synthesizers and guitars encircle Bono, as he repeatedly states that yes, he is clueless and lost, but he’s still hopeful for the future. And “Zooropa” makes the future sound tenatively wonderful. As Bono puts it, “Don’t worry baby/It’ll be alright/Uncertainty can be a guiding light.” “Zooropa” captures that optimistic early-’90s, post-Berlin Wall moment better than almost any song.

#11: “City Of Blinding Lights” (Atomic Bomb): When people talk about “The U2 Sound,” this is probably what they’re talking about. The chorus of “City Of Blinding Lights” is so powerful that it can’t legally be played in an indoor setting — all the glass would shatter. Seeing U2 perform it live is a spiritual experience: Edge’s guitar soars to the sky, tens of thousands of fans are yelling along to the “oooh-oh-ooooh” background, and Bono only needs to shout six words to cement “Blinding Lights” as an all-time U2 great. It’s admittedly one of the more sanitized songs about New York City, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t moving.

#10: “Where The Streets Have No Name” (The Joshua Tree): “Streets” might not quite be U2′s best song, but it’s easily their best live track. All three times I’ve seen them (sorry for the humblebrag), there’s no bigger reaction from the audience than when everything goes quiet, an organ warms up, and the only thing you can see on stage is a blinding red light. It’s a magical moment.

There’s no other U2 song that reaches to the rafters quite like “Streets” does. In fact, based on the driving rhythm and Bono’s lyrics about persistence and escape, it’s basically U2′s version of “Born to Run,” and that might be one of the highest compliments I can give a song. The Edge’s chugging riff here sounds like driving into the desert sunrise, trying to reach heaven. And they actually do it.

"Streets” is so perfect and so adored, I almost feel a little guilty not putting it at number one. Unfortunately, the studio version (although still excellent) pales in comparison to seeing it live, which knocks it a bit. Still — everyone should see U2 live at least once, just to witness the glory of this song. It’ll give you goosebumps, guaranteed.

#9: “Discotheque” (Pop): This is not a joke. I legitimately think “Discotheque” — one of U2′s most infamous flops and an instant punchline of a track that featured a music video where the band danced in costume as the Village People in a giant disco ball (yes, really) — is one of U2′s very best songs. I promise I’m not trolling here.

In middle school, when I was making my way through U2′s catalogue, I didn’t have high expectations for Pop, due to its rank reputation. But alas: that lead-off track grabbed me immediately with its seamless blend of distorted ‘90s alt-rock and (obviously) disco. I knew that I should probably like songs like “One” or “Pride” more, but I couldn’t stop myself from listening to “Discotheque.” Bono was right: I couldn’t get enough of that lovey-dovey stuff.

Lyrically, this track is absolutely meaningless. Bono merely serves as another addition to the rhythm, which might be U2 at their best. I’m not sure there’s another rock-band-attempting-dance-music song better than this, because Larry Mullen Jr.’s primal rhythm is absolutely hypnotic — not that Edge’s swirling guitar doesn’t help. If “Streets” feels like ascending into Americana heaven, “Discotheque” is the glorious, hedonistic descent into ‘70s-kitsch hell. And I love every stupid, delirious second of it. Sue me.

#8: “Bad” (The Unforgettable Fire)

Plenty of artists have an album cut that’s become more beloved among diehard fans than even some of their most popular hits. The Beatles have “In My Life.” Billy Joel has “Vienna.” Even a singles-centric pop artist like Taylor Swift has “All Too Well.”

What’s U2′s most beloved deep cut? “Bad,” and it’s probably not close. And this Unforgettable Fire highlight is legendary for a reason: It’s arguably the most intense, epic U2 song of them all. I’ve said many times on this list that I love when Bono cuts loose with his vocals, and he’s never more raw than he is when “Bad” finally reaches its pinnacle after a tantalizing slow-burn. Every time he screams into the void, “I’M WIIIIIIIDE AWAAAAAKE,” his voice cracking with desperation and loss, it sends shivers.

It’s shocking that a band whose members mostly stayed away from hard drugs would write one of the best heroin songs of all time, but that’s exactly what “Bad” is. Instead of focusing on the high of the drug, it focuses on the severe overdose and the horrors that come with addiction. Despite being a non-user, Bono somehow nails those dark emotions, and it makes “Bad” all the more memorable.

#7: “Out Of Control” (Boy)

This is the pinnacle of that youthful U2 sound from their first two albums. “Out of Control” sounds like pure teenage angst, a vibe that these guys don’t typically cover.

But it’s not Bono’s lyrics, as wonderfully whiny and emo as they are here, that sell this early classic: It’s that unstoppable groove. Larry and Adam lay down a forceful, tight four-on-the-floor beat that is instantly workout-ready, and Edge’s triumphant guitar riff (and stellar solo) doesn’t fit the lyrics that well, but it certainly gets me hyped. All Bono had to do was bring the energy, and he’s as theatrical here as ever. Switch up some of the instrumentation and add some pop culture references and this easily could’ve been the greatest Fall Out Boy song ever written (I mean that in the very best way possible).

#6: “The Fly” (Achtung Baby)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: the ballsiest move in rock music history.

Going straight from the AARP-friendly sound of Rattle and Hum directly into their sleazy, nihilistic masterpiece, “The Fly,” must have been a massive shock for U2′s fans in 1991. After all, the band did aptly describe Achtung Baby’s lead single as “the sound of four men chopping down The Joshua Tree.” And as far as burning your legacy to the ground goes, you can’t really do better than “The Fly.”

Bono is wonderfully hammy as the song’s titular character, a greaseball making a crank call from a payphone in Hell, spouting false nothings and seducing the listener, not unlike a Screwtape for the ‘90s. The way he switches between the breathy verses and his exaggerated dance-diva falsetto in the chorus is seamless.

But let’s not forget Edge’s contribution here: “The Fly” features his all-time best guitar solo. It goes down to the depths of the underworld and then contorts itself into a psychedelic, hypnotic kaleidoscope of sound. It’s truly breathtaking, and his sharp riff that repeats throughout really enhances the song’s dark tone.

“The Fly” might not have sold too well in the U.S. — clearly we didn’t like our U2 singles to be this snarky. And it’s never really had the same shelf life as Achtung’s more successful singles. But it’s still the pinnacle of the dark, sardonic vision U2 had for their incredible reinvention, and I wish all artists were willing to take risks this insane.

#5: “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” (The Joshua Tree)

One of two #1 U.S. hits that U2 notched, “Still Haven’t Found” is one of those songs that feels like it was written centuries ago. Maybe it was even composed by a caveman. It’s such a simple song musically (in a good way), yet with a complex lyrical bent.

I love the way that “Still Haven’t Found” approaches Christianity. Too much contemporary Christian music seems to be overly positive and cheery — an outsider would get the impression that finding Jesus means life has no problems. Meanwhile, U2, who are famously Christian, don’t shy away from the hard truth: Finding faith doesn’t fix your problems.

Throughout the song, Bono aches and yearns for relief from his suffering, yet despite all of the divine things he’s seen and encountered, he still can’t find that satisfaction. There’s still something missing. As a Christian who sometimes struggles in his faith and can be alienated by certain religious peoples’ outward displays of perfection, it’s a relief for me to hear that others struggle in this way too.

All in all, it’s hard to believe that four guys from Ireland would create a gospel classic in the age of hair metal, but “Still Haven’t Found” is a timeless track that tackles tough emotions in a stirring way.

#4: “A Sort Of Homecoming” (The Unforgettable Fire)

Unforgettable Fire’s best song is its opening thesis. “A Sort Of Homecoming” features that oh-so Brian Eno white noise background throughout and, frankly, perfects it. The guitar, bass and some scattered synths all melt into a hazy soundscape that sounds like pure fog. All you have to do is throw on some tribal Larry Mullen Jr. drum licks and have Bono scream through the void, and you’ve got an ambient-rock classic on your hands.

There’s something so powerful about this song, even though I have absolutely no clue what it’s supposed to be about. Obviously, Bono is talking about some sort of long, trudging journey home, and “Homecoming” certainly sounds like a great road-trip soundtrack. But what makes it work is that looping, endless production and Bono’s piercing wails. “No spoken words, JUST A SCREAAAAAAAAAAM” might be when U2 cemented their legacy as a legendary stadium act. Of course, they never play this song live anymore, because it wasn’t a single, but I still think it would kill. Criminally underrated track.

#3: “Sunday Bloody Sunday” (War)

This is the greatest drum beat in rock history. I will fight anyone who disagrees.

The gunshot-crack of the snare drum that incessantly pokes its way into “Sunday Bloody Sunday” is the perfect fit for this righteously angry, seething post-punk song. That snare drum military beat is the exact moment when the world realized that these Dublin kids were going to be around for a long, long time.

The definitive song about The Troubles (sorry, “Zombie,” you can take second place), “Sunday Bloody Sunday” is iconic for a reason. Bono declines taking any stance in the conflict accept the stance of ending the conflict itself. He could care less about one side or the other: All he sees is the bloody corpses littered throughout Northern Ireland. And he’s had enough.

The studio version and the 1983 Red Rocks recording (with the white flag) are the most iconic moments associated with “Sunday,” but I prefer the live version from the Rattle and Hum movie. It was recorded hours after an IRA bombing in Northern Ireland killed 11 people, and Bono loses all filter.

In a rant in the middle of the song, as the band provides a fierce backbeat, Bono exclaims: “I’ve had enough of Irish-Americans who haven’t been home in 20 or 30 years talk about ... the glory of the revolution, and the glory of dying for the revolution. FUCK THE REVOLUTION! They don’t talk about the glory of killing for the revolution.” A minute later, he’s repeatedly bleating, “NO MORE!” It’s a chilling moment, and I’d recommend that any U2 naysayer watch it.

"Sunday Bloody Sunday” is U2 in full fire-and-brimstone mode, and despite The Troubles thankfully ending years ago, the War track’s unbridled rage still provokes a nerve today.

#2: “Ultra Violet (Light My Way)” (Achtung Baby)

I’ve gone on and on about how much I love the sleazy, dejected vibe of Achtung Baby in this list. ...but man, there’s something so powerful about that album’s exception to the rule. Out of all the trashy Euro jams and weepy breakup songs on that album, its best song, “Ultra Violet,” stands out for being a joyful, ecstatic expression of pure love.

Lots of Achtung focuses on The Edge’s divorce, so it’s refreshing to hear a five-and-a-half minute arena rock anthem about how much Bono absolutely worships his wife. And I mean that literally — he sounds totally desperate and over-his-head here, completely taken over by passion and dependency. In that final verse, when Bono takes his vocals up a scale and his voice constantly cracks, it’s a painfully powerful moment.

"Ultra Violet” is about love that’s so powerful that it’s no longer about attraction. It’s about unfiltered happiness and need. And despite the fact that it’s honestly a pretty simple song, its sheer power and optimism makes it my all-time favorite U2 deep cut. No question.

#1: “With Or Without You” (The Joshua Tree)

This song floored me the first time I heard it in middle school. It still floors me over a decade later. Based on its cross-generational iconic status (that strangely, I might have to thank Friends for), I’m sure it floors most of you too.

“With Or Without You” is the kind of song that will last forever, because not only does it have a timeless sound that connects with even the most staunch U2 hater, but also because it has possibly the greatest slow build in music history. It starts as a whisper at the beginning, and slowly, slowly, slowly dials up the volume. At one point you the band even teases you — you think it’s going to hit that big release, and nope! More tension.

Finally, over three minutes in, the drums kick into high gear and Bono lets loose his cannon of a voice into the night. The catharsis hits you like a sledgehammer right in the feelings. I’m not sure the words “OOHHH OHHHH OHHHH OHHH” have ever had more meaning. And just because U2 hasn’t spoiled us enough, they close out the song with a stunning coda that wordlessly expresses the song’s themes of yearning and conflicted passion.

Yes, Bono’s lyrics are top-notch here as well — this is the ultimate “is it about God or a girl?” song — and I do love his use of dark imagery to sell the sacrifices he’s made in the name of love. But that slow build is the stuff of dreams. Based on one five-minute song, there’s probably millions of bands across the world that formed (I can name at least one group that owes quite a bit to “With Or Without You”).

So the next time you groan about those old Irish dudes who forced some crappy late-career album onto your phone, do yourself a favor and listen to “With Or Without You.” Don’t pause it or skip to the chorus. Just play through and let the whirlwind of emotions hit you. And then you’ll see why U2 have earned their spot at the top of the world.

#u2 #In ascending order #best U2 songs #classic rock #alternative rock

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