#the 3 days long gattering shit

[pure-bubblegum]

TW: jehovas wittnen

Dunno if anyone will find this intresting but here goes.

A few days ago my jehovas Wittness mom came to me saying she had good news so ofcourse l ask her what it was.

"Do you still have contact with G?" G is my childhood friend since 6 to around 12 years old. Haven't spoken to her since, I'm 19 now. Well aperently her last ex boyfriend was in the same situation as me, jehovas wittnen parents but not that himself and now she has Bible studies with her mom, and my mom talked with the sister G studies with and connected the dots that we knew eachother since before.

My mom looked so proud, G had told the sister she studies w that the reason she got interested in the truth was because of me, that l used to preach to her early in our childhood, untill G's mom said l would not be allowed to see G if l keeped doing that. And now that she has her own apartment she decided to pic it up again.

"This is a sign from Jehova that even the smallest of seeds becomes trees in the end"

And in the moment l didnt really know how to feel, my first initial feeling was to congratulate, then l just feelt conflicted. How ironic isn't it that l who introduced this to her left the organization.

I still remember the day l first introduced the 'truth' to her. l told her we all had a chance to revive and live in paradise after death, she begun absolutely sobbing cuz her grandmother had just passed away.

My mom asked me how l felt and if l was proud of this.

No, no absolutely no!

"Yeah.. l guess?"

And for a few days l feelt so conflicted, didn't really know if l was going to be happy for her or feel guilty. And what if l when l go to the memorial this year and see her? What will l say, if she finds out I'm not a jw will she feel discouraged? If l don't go will my parent lie and say l was simply busy? (Most likely) at the same time do l have an obligation as ex-jw to like warn her?

Today l told my friend about this and he concluded in the end that, that was her choice and l had noting to do with this, l may have been her introduction to this but in the end as an adult she made her choice. He also told me that he himself grew up with a Muslim best friend he used to pray togheter with and he himself didn't turn Muslim.

I feel better now thay he told me this, honestly this had bothered me so much these past few days.

Eitherway, don't think l will go to the memorial this year, it will be the first one l miss ✌️💗🤍

[cherry-ber]

“You’re a little much for me”

A.N: So i disappeared for a month again and I honestly don’t know what I’m doing

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x female reader (I’m sorry i literally couldn’t avoid the pronouns) kinda Jaehyun but ???

Genre: ANGST kinda but idk if it should be called that 

Warning: I know I said it was angst but really I just wrote words so it’s actaully very bad. Mentions of a dependant relation, smoking, but i didn’t develop any of it properly. Not readproof but i needed to psot something tbh.

Plot: I honestly don’t even know what the fuck i did here but Taeyong gives too much of himself for the girl he loves even when she won’t see. (None of this makes sense, actually, but pretend it made you sad somehow idk don’t read this rly)

Tears fell from her cheeks as she walked back home. Her feet hurt inside her shoes, she purposely wore them to look better even though she regretted it as soon as she walked a mile. Clouds gattered threatening to rain when she less expected it. Her heart ached in a particular way, and for a moment she really thought she might die from sadness. 

Around her, groups of people walked together, laughing and couples would pass her by holding hands. Her hands were shaking as she looked for a cigarette in her purse, and took the lighter out of her pocket. She promised herself she wouldn’t smoke again, but that wouldn’t be the first promise she had broken today. Her phone rang, a text message from someone that she wouldn’t want to hurt by replying in a bad mood. 

She felt dumb crying in the streets, grateful that she made everyone too uncomfortable to ask if everything was alright. The truth was that she wasn’t, she felt her life was falling apart, piece by piece, knowing perfectly well all that she was doing wrong, yet unable to do something to fix it. She felt like she was spiraling down to hit rock bottom, and she was hoping that as soon as she did, she’d have enough strenght to overcome what was going on. 

Usually, she would call her boyfriend, but he was exactly the problem. Jaehyun was an amazing friend, beloved by her friends and family, a caring human and the best son to his parents, but he didn’t know how to be an okay boyfriend. He wasn’t a bad person, but he didn’t know how to be good to her. 

He’d often excuse himself saying that settling down wasn’t in his plans, but he tried for her, and he expected her to understand and forgive him when he screwd up because she was a lot to deal with, like today, when she found him kissing another lady, she felt her heart breaking when he saw her too and played the “I didn’t mean you to see this and I’m sorry for that” card that he had use too much before followed by “I can’t handle you sometimes so it’s okay for me to do this”. She knew she loved him too much, she knew that he had hurted her too much this time, though. 

“You know what? I literally can’t stand you this days, it’s not my fault you’re dependant, I don’t even love you anymore, I just can’t leave you because maybe you’ll kill yourself and then I’ll be the bad guy”

“You’re already the bad guy, Jaehyun” “I’m not, you’re overwhelming, you’re too much, I don’t know how I’ve been dealing with your shit for so long” Deffinitely not what you’d want to hear from your boyfriend of 3 years, but deep down she felt sorry for him, he was right, she was overwhelming, she was annoying and she was a little too much for anyone, even for herself, sometimes. 

The phone rang again, you noticed it was a call and hesitantly picked it up. 

“Can  I see you tonight?”

“I’m not in the mood tonight”

“Please” he was pouting on the other side of the line “I’m outside already”

She ran as fast as she could, knowing that he never joked about being outside, not wanting him to be alone when it was about to pour, It was funny how much she cared about others too much, even when she wouldn’t care about herself. At least she knew he cared about her too, he was the person he truted the most. 

Taeyong could read her like a book, he knew every breath of hers meant something, he knew something was wrong just by the way she walked, even when she greeted him with a wide smile. And she knew that he could never hide anything from him, she knew he would always be there for her, so pretending that everything was fine was pointless, she broke down when they were infront of eachother, he gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Her teardrops wetting his clothes enough to mistake them from the raindrops, that couldn’t chose a more dramatic moment to fall. After a moment she was able to take her keys and they came into her cold apartment, the only thing that made that place be cozy, though, was her presence.  “You smell like cigs again” He looked concerned, she quitted smoking some months ago, and they were both proude, it was sad that she went back to it again “Do you want to talk it out?”

“Not really” she boiled some water for tea and brought cookies to him “It was awful, it tastes like shit, I don’t miss it at all” 

“I’m glad you don’t” he hated to ask but he knew he had to “How was your date?”

Her eyes watered immediately at the scene of him with someone else, and she didn’t want to hear what Taeyong had to say about it. 

“It was alright, I  guess”

“Good”

He felt awkward around her, no matter how cool he played it, he was weak for her smile, he could’t help his heart from beating too fast when she spoke, he knew how to hide it from her, but everyone else could notice the way he felt, even her boyfriend, which was the main reason that they hated eachother. 

“Can we go to my room and cuddle?” Sometimes she left him speechless, for a long time he wondered if she knew and that was the reason that she gave him mixed signals, but he came to the realization that she was too nice to ever do that, she was just too friendly “Or whetever, honestly, I could use some sleep”  “I was planning on watching this movie I got recommended, but sure” he followed her to her room, she crawled into the bed and patted next to her, when he layed next to her, he felt joyful and it took her a little to fall asleep. Taeyong felt complete next to her, he wanted to have her like that forever, and he wondered how many times Jaehyun had the chance to sleep with her before, bitter again because he knew he’d never have her. 

It only took him five minutes to fall asleep too, only to be woken up by her phone ringing like crazy. She stood up and picked up too quickly when she read it was Jaehyun calling. 

“I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t have say that, you know I loove you”

“I love you too, Jae”

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow and make it up to you, how about that?” 

She knew, somehow, he was with someone else, she could feel it, she knew he meant nothing of what he was saying, but she decided to believe it anyway”

“You’re the best, I’ll see you tomorrow”

Those words shouldn’t have hurted Taeyong as much as they did, but it happened every time, she’d be “over him” and he’d think about confessing, and then Jaehyun would call her, because he was just as dependant as she was, he was too selfish to let her go, but not interested on her at all. Jaehyun liked to know he’d have her whenever he wanted to, without doing much to have her, he liked knowing someone needed him as much as she did, somehow. 

Taeyong loved too hard, and he knew he was unable to move on, he knew he’d always love her, no matter how many times she made him feel like he was not enough. It was funny how he got hurted everytime but he came back for more, that’s why he couldn’t blame her for loving Jaehyun too much. He wondered if she’d move on the day he would move on, too. 

**********************************************************

A.N: I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE TUMBLR ON A COMPUTER HELP . I’ll edit whatever needs to be edited, I wasnt able to add the song but of course “Liability” was playing while i was tying to write something-

[can-u-imagine-that]

Title: Save Me;

Fandom: The Avengers;

Character: Steve;

Note: Y/N: Your Name, Y/A: Your Age; (gender neutral reader)

Warning: Cursing, violence, torture(act not described), PTSD;

Request: None;

Author’s Note: Reader works at the Avengers Facility as a engineer in Tony’s lab, thus everyone believes that they have a lot of information on the development of new technology for them. They are kidnapped by Hydra and tortured. Will Captain America be able to save them in time?  And what about after?

You groaned as your eyes opened slowly in the dim light of the room you found yourself into. It took you a moment to understand where the hell you were and how had you gotten there.

Feeling a shiver run down your entire body, you remembered how Hydra soldiers knocked you out after a fight in an alleyway. You knew because of the embed symbol in the sleeves of their black uniforms.

Fighthing wasn’t your thing. You were intelligent, not strong. Being strong was the part of the Avengers. You were there only to help them with their engineering and even you didn’t have that much information of the new technology. But of course Hydra didn’t know that, since you worked directly with Tony Stark they probably figured you knew of everything.

You were strapped into a metal stretcher by arms, legs, waist and neck. Trying to struggle was useless since you weren’t a strong super soldier or a enhanced being. You were a mere civilian.

Gulping you tried your best to move your hands to the pockets of your jeans. Everyone that worked so close to The Avengers like you did, had a communication device for emergencies like these. It had never really happened to anyone you knew, but didn’t hurt to be careful and always carry it arround.

And of course it wasn’t there.

Who were you trying to fool?

They are Hydra, not idiots.

The door snapped open and you saw a man dressed in black enter the room, pulling a chair towards where you were, then he sat and just stared at you. Your breath hitched a little because shit that was uncomfortable.

You noticed two guards dressed just like those in the alleyway near a metal door. Other than that the room was completely empty.

The man had tanned and marked skin adorned with a big beard and was munching into a toothpick. His eyes were green and a huge scar ran along his cheek stopping almost into the neck. You could see by his broad shoulders that he was almost Steve’s size and probably really strong. If he wasn’t with Hydra and you saw him on the street you surely would think that he was a war veteran.

Speaking of Steve you prayed for the soldier to burst by that door, wall or window to beat those guys asses. You knew that as soon as he found out that you were missing, he’d move sky and earth to find you, but were scared that it was too late already.

It wasn’t a secret to anyone inside the Facility that you and him had a thing for each other and even you two knew, just didn’t really felt like acting on it as soon as you found out. You liked the way things were and the way he seemed to be courting you like he would do in the 40′s. Barely a week before your kidnap he had accompanied you to your room, almost as if you had gone to a date and before you could close the door he bent slightly to give you a light kiss in your lips. Then a beautiful smile brightened his face before he whispered “goodnight”.

As the week progressed you noticed small changes on his behaviour when you two were alone. You also tried to make it clear that you liked the advances. The flirting, hand holding, the hugs, the gentle caresses in your face and the small kisses like that first in your door, after a long day.

Of course that now, lying with that man staring at you, you were afraid that nothing would ever happen again, because well, you kinda felt like you were going to die.

“Y/N, right?” suddenly the man’s voice boomed, making you flinch while nodding your head, noticing that he had a file in his hand with your picture in it “Engineer at the Avengers Facility, more specifically working in projects under the supervision of Anthony Stark, a.k.a Iron Man.”

You nod again, gulping.

“Been working with them for about four years now. No close relatives, single, Y/A, online studying for a postgraduate in Computational Engineering, lives on the compound during most of the year but has an appartment in a quiet New York’s neighborhood. Close friendship with most of the Avengers, specially previously mentioned Anthony Stark, Wanda Maximoff a.k.a Scarlet Witch and Steve Rogers... a.k.a Captain America.”

The way he slowed when mentioning Steve made your heart skip a beat. 

It wasn’t possible that they knew about how you and Steve felt for each other, right? Because if they did you were REALLY screwed. And how the hell he knew all of that? Shit, they probably had a spy inside the Avengers Facility or in S.H.I.E.L.D, because how would they have gattered that information about you?

“Well, well...” he cracked his knuckles, bringind his hand close to the top of your head, grabbing a fist of strands, pulling slightly “How much information will I be able to rip out of your pretty mouth, huh, honey? Maybe their defense mechanisms? Or new technology? Or some S.H.I.E.L.D classified information?”

You pursed your lips, signaling that you’d never say anything, even if you knew a lot, which you didn’t.

“Oh, gonna make yourself hard to get? No problem...” his voice was still low when he got up, walking towards a corner that you hadn’t noticed of the room “I can use one of these...”

When you saw the metal table, your heart sunk to your stomach and you felt like throwing up.

You could see many instruments that he could use as torture methods, going of on blades and saws until guns and technological things that you had no idea of what they were.

His hand drifted absent minded over everything on the table without really getting anything and walking back to you.

“Or not. I can just use my bare hands.” he pressed his hand to your arm and, with a really unthinkable strenght, he squeezed it painfully. You bit your lip, not allowing any sound out of yout mouth “You want to play this game then? Fine. Let’s see how long it takes until you are screaming and begging for mercy.”

-x-

You had no idea how long you’ve been trapped there. 

Between sessions of “talks” with that man and unconscious periods you’ve lost track of time. They’d fed you rudely and you already felt the malnutrition and dehydration symptoms in your weak and bruised body. Running an auto analysis of your bruises you were sure that both of your legs were broken together with a rib or two. Your left eye was swollen and there was a big gash right in the middle of your chest which had been bandaged poorly just so you wouldn’t bleed to death. Oh, and of course, that was probably infected.

Hallucinations started to become a trend once they started injecting something directly into your blood stream. It was some kind of drug to make you confused and spill out things without intending to. Of course that wasn’t realiable information because you were drugged, but they could go somewhere from there. The most common hallucination you got was the image of Steve coming to rescue you.

The first time it happened you cryied relieved when he straped you out of the scretcher, lifting your body and hugging you close to his chest as he took you out of that hell hole. And then you woke up to a new session of talk.

And it kept happening, each time with a different setting until you lost all your hope and when he showed you just closed your tearfull eyes, waiting to wake up again.

You could feel yourself slipping away. 

You were dying and your sanity was starting to disappear too. Now, you saw a lot of things lurking in the corners, screamed alone and even laughed at the sitution, yelling that you didn’t really know a fucking thing but even if you knew you’d never tell those fuckers.

In one of the lapses that you felt awake again you saw Steve.

The same old hallucination again. You thought, closing your eyes and waiting for him to disappear.

But he didn’t.

And this time, when he lifted you in his arms it wasn’t like that fairytale of your previous hallucinations. Where you felt safe in his warm and gentle embrace.

You screamed in pain. 

It felt like all your broken bones, cuts and bruises were being made all over again. If you had anything in your stomach you’d definitely throw up because of the dizzyness that hit you. 

You could hear Steve’s voice whispering something to you, but your cousciousness started to fade again.

“Y/N...” his voice seemed so far that you had to force yourself to pay attention “Stay with me, please...”

You were in so much pain that your body started to become numb and your head tilted, laying on his chest.

You could hear his heartbeat.

It was fast. 

Really fast.

But that sound quickly lulled you into slumber.

-x-

You drifted in and out of counsciouss all the time to the point were you didn’t know anymore what was a dream and what was reality. You just wanted to rest.

Y/N...

Yeah, resting would be good... you allowed your mind to go completely numb. Being unable to feel your body made things easier. It already felt like you were lost anyway. What else you had? Maybe afterlife would be better.

The heart stopped. Defibrillator.

The world is not really a nice place anyway. People are mean and evil, doing nasty stuff without feeling a single drop of remorse or regret.

Y/N...

Maybe you had lived your life being good enough to earn a good place in the afterlife. You always helped everyone. You enjoyed helping, actually. Enjoyed being with people and talking and...

1, 2, 3. Clear.

And... Steve.

Wanda, Tony... 

Avengers. 

Helping. Talking. Walking. Laughing. Studying. Dancing. Hearing. Eating. Sleeping. Singing. Running. Swimming. Playing.

Living.

Please, Y/N... come back to me...

You enjoyed living. 

You missed doing those things. 

You couldn’t go. 

Not yet.

“Y/N...” Steve’s voice sounded weird at first. It was the same sensation of when your ears are clogged. A loud and acute sound ringed in your ear until finally Steve’s voice continued “It’s been too long already, don’t you think?”

Your body still felt numb, save for a few sensations, and you couldn’t open your eyes yet.

He sighed, seemingly to be sitting near the edge of your bed. You felt a warm sensation in your right hand, probably because he was holding your hand.

“Steve.” Wanda’s voice sounded by the other side of the room. She seemed broken and tired, almost as if she had tried to have this conversation with the Super Soldier before “You have to rest too. I’ll stay here if anything happens...”

“Sorry, kid...” he answered and you could hear Wanda sighing “I promise that I’ll do that later...”

“You’ve been saying that for the last three days... at least go to the caffeteria and eat something. Please?” she begged, probably walking, by the sound of the boots cliking, to stand by Steve’s side, who was possibly in a chair and given the weight you felt on the bed he was supporting his upper body on the edge of the matress. His hand never leaving yours.

“Just... just a little bit more, Wanda...”

You felt a hand rest in your forehead, surely Wanda’s by the size.

Suddenly you heard as she choked a sob.

Thank goodness... you are here... her beautiful voice sounded in your head and if you had any movement in your body you’d surely jump.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing... I’m just... relieved...” she said, her voice heading for the door “You can stay for now. I’ll try to fetch you again later...”

After she left you slowly started to recover more and more sensibility in your body. Now Steve’s thumb was brushing slow circles in the back of your hand, sometimes squeezing lightly.

And then finally you managed to move.

First your toes curled under the covers. Then your eyes futtered open, blinking the tears that formed when the bright light hit. And finally you squeezed his hand back, turning your head to the side to be able to see him.

Steve was indeed sitting in a chair, his head hung low but shot up as soon as you moved, his blue eyes wide.

“Y/N...” he said, smiling as his hand slowly reached for your face, meaning to probably brush the tears away.

But your shriek stopped him.

When his hands lowered near your face a flash of one of the many slaps you received passed, making you stiff your body and close your eyes.

You didn’t mean to. Of course you knew that Steve would never hurt you. But somehow it was like the lights flickered and you were there again, trapped, beat and hurt.

“Hey, it’s okay...” his hand retreated, but he didn’t seem offended. When you looked in his eyes again you saw nothing but understanding “Sorry. You went through a lot. I just... couldn’t hold myself... you’re safe. I promise...”

Tears started to prickle your eyes and before you knew sobs were breaking through your throat.

You were safe.

He saved you.

Steve saved you.

Yet you still felt scared.

“Calm down, love...” he whispered, slowly holding your hand again. When you managed to see him through your blurry vision, his eyes were kind and if your mind wasn’t tormented by flashes all the time the nickname would have made your heart flutter “You are still recovering. But even after your body gets better, you will still feel hurt...”

Flashes kept showing themselves, making you sit on the bed irritated. 

Steve quickly supported your upper body with his, because dizziness hit you. Your body tumbled to the side but he opened his arms and sat on the edge of the bed, facing you. Your head landed on his shoulder and you noticed that he made no effort to actually grab you, his hands hovering around your arms as yours squeezed his shirt.

You closed your eyes, starting to feel an horrible sensation building in your stomach. Your heart started to race and so did your breath, but you couldn’t force your voice out anymore. It felt like words were stuck in your throat. Memories flooded your mind and you could swear that sounds and smells were the same of when you were there.

He cautiously allowed his arms to close around you in an embrace. His warmth spread through your body.

“I’m here...” you remembered your hallucinations saying the same.

What if all of that was another one? What if suddenly you were going to wake up again on that strecher?

“S-Steve...” you mustered enough strength to say.

“Yeah?”

“Please... h-help me...”

His heart clenched and he ran his fingers through your hair.

“I’m here with you. I’ll take care of you, Y/N... you’ll get better... breath with me...” he kept whispering soothing words in your ear until finally you managed to calm your breath.

“I’m... s-sorry...” you whispered, still glued to his torso, his heartbeat calming you even more than his voice.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, love...” he said, pulling back to look at you “Unfortunately I’m used to this. It is something pretty normal when people survive situations like the one you did. I had already asked Tony to look for a psychologist to come and talk to you as soon as you woke up... I just... I wished I had saved you sooner...”

“Hey... it’s not like you delayed because you wanted to...” you answered, knowing how much Steve probably was blaming himself “Besides... you did save me in the end...”

He stared at you for a moment before slowly reaching to your face again. This time you didn’t scooted away, letting his fingers caress your cheek.

“I’ll help you go through this... I promise...”

You gave him a weak smile, letting yourself be engulfed by his warmth again.

Little did you know that Steve made a promise with himself too. Being Captain America was really hard and knowing that he wasn’t able to protect one of the most important people to him hit him hard. He vowed that he would never again let anything happen to you, not even allow you to feel the slightest unsafe.

He didn’t had to voice that though.

Because you already felt safe again in his arms.