#the 3 am posting schedule remains unwavered

[periipheral]

first day in the city and lola has made an archnemesis

[izabellq]

Costumes -> Tamaki Amajiki

summary: you accidentally match costumes with tamaki. prepare yourself for a whole day of endless shenanigans.

contains: MAJOR FLUFF, language if you squint (ik canonically, mirio is in 3-B, but for the sake of this plot, the big three are all in 3-A) also, i tried to make this gender-neutral, so if there’s any specified pronouns, let me know and i’ll fix it ASAP!

THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! (im very much aware i posted this a day late oop)

UA had decided to hold a special event where students could wear their Halloween costume to school. You weren’t planning anything special or unique, just something to get the job done. So, you decided to dress like a cute puppy. It was only a simple onesie: topped with cute floppy dog ears on your hood, and a tail that attached from the bottom. You weren’t expecting to get a lot of attention, which was perfectly fine with you because you were never the type to seek the stage. You topped off the simple look with a black spot on your nose and one around your eye. And just like, you were good to go.

When you walked into school, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bit insecure. It seemed like everyone had decked out for this special occasion. You passed by some anime cosplay, food costumes, group oriented costumes — everything you could possibly think of. And as you made your way to your class, you wondered what Tamaki would be wearing.

You couldn’t help yourself. It was undeniably true that you had a rather large crush on him. Everything about him was enticing. He was so shy that it was usually you who initiated conversation, but that wasn’t enough to make you falter. You understood he wasn’t the most socially active person around. To be frank, it was rather comforting to know that not everyone at UA was a egotistical narcissist.

Finding your assigned seat, you scanned the class. Some of your peers also took the simple route which put some of your thoughts at ease. Others, the more competitive students, were quite impressive themselves.

You turn towards the doorway when Mirio’s booming voice gathers the room’s attention. He was wearing a... whoopie cushion? Oh dear lord. Mirio was a stickler for humor, so of course, he’d wear practically anything that could rise a laugh out of someone. Only, his jokes kind of sucked and no doubt would the class of 3-A be subject to awful fart jokes for the rest of the day. You weren’t so worried about that as you were worried about the two other students usually attached to his hip. One of them being Tamaki Amajiki.

The next one to stop into class was Nejire Hado who was absolutely breathtaking. Her costume, which was nothing more than a fairy, seemed to capture her true personality perfectly. Although, an angel would also be very accurate in her case. She turned towards the entrance way and stuck her head out into the hallway, “Tamaki! Don’t be shy! You look so cute!”

Your heart began to beat just a little bit faster.

“Mirio! Come help me out with him,” Nejire stomped into the hallway, the fluttering of her makeshift wings dissappeared, only to be followed by a laughing Mirio.

When they returned, their hands were clasped over Tamaki’s wrists, forbidding him from turning around and sulking out in the hallway. When you saw him, you’re taken aback. The smallest of gasps erupt from your lips when you notice his costume choice. A onesie, similar to yours, but instead of the dog ears; replaced with cat ones, and a longer tail attached to the back. He had the same minimal face paint (lined whiskers and a nose) as you did, curtesy of Nejire.

When he looked up, his cheeks were flamed with embarrassment. He found your gaze, and if it were possible, he became even more sheepish. You weren’t any different. The thought of having a matching costume with Tamaki, despite not having any prior arrangements, made you equally embarrassed. Now, all you wondered was, did he notice?

Well, if he didn’t before, he sure did now when Nejire spoke up, “Hey Y/N! Oh my– are you a puppy? How cute! Wait! You’re matching with Tamaki! Now you two look like an adorable couple!”

Her excitement, plus her lack of censorship, made the class laugh— everyone’s attention on you and Tamaki. “Nejire...” Tamaki muttered. He stared at the floor, wishing it’d just swallow him whole.

“You guys should take a picture together,” Mirio suggested, walking over to where you sat and giving you a hand. You hesitantly took it, positive that you looked about ready to vomit or pass out. Maybe both. In that order.

Dragged to stand next to Tamaki, you spare him a single glance. He has his left hand up to his face, doing a shoty job at covering his red cheeks. To you, he seemed... more embarrassed than usual? Perhaps he just didn’t wanted to match costumes with you. It saddened you, but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it now.

Nejire laughed, “Say cheese!”

Tamaki mumbled something that you could only assume was in response to Nejire. In a small pickle of confidence, you grabbed his hand and entangled your fingers with his just before the camera went off.

“Cheese!”

That was first period.

When lunch rolled around, Tamaki had face planted himself on the table.

Nejire and Mirio sent each other a knowing look before moving to console him.

“I don’t understand why you’re not happy, Tamaki! You’re matching costumes with them, you got a picture with them, and they also held your hand!” Nejire listed off the things that happened before the bell rang, signaling the start of first period.

“I am happy...” Tamaki muttered, lifting himself up from the table, “But they probably hate me now.”

“I wouldn’t say that!” Mirio added, “Haven’t I told you that they most definitely have a crush on you?”

“No offense Mirio... but I’m not too keen on taking advice from a literal walking whoopie cushion.” Tamaki propped his arm on the table, before leaning his head into the palm of his hand. The same one you had so eagerly held. He wished to repeat the notion a million more times. Only now, he was afraid he had messed up his one and only opportunity.

Mirio gasped, “I’ll have you know that I got many compliments today!”

Nejire giggled before turning back to Tamaki. “Why don’t we just call them over here?”

“I- um, no... I’d rather not do that,” Tamaki rushed out. He wasn’t sure if he could handle another awkward occurrence with you. You’d surely find him weird.

“Where are they anyways?” Mirio asked, not before sinking his teeth on the apple provided on his lunch tray.

“Oh I see them!” Nejire not-so-subtly pointed at you. Tamaki couldn’t help himself as he turned to look in your direction.

You were laughing at something someone had said before adding your own little quip. You were so cute, he thought. Nejire was the one who suggested he wear a cat-themed costume due to the running joke that he was a ‘cute little kitten’. He was prepared to arrive in his normal uniform but Nejire’s persistence was unwavering. And if he knew what you’d be wearing— would he have accepted the costume more easily? You deserved better than him, he knew, but a small part of him fantasized about the ways you’d love him in a way no one else had before.

“Earth to Tamaki,” Nejire sang, snapping him out of his thoughts. “They’re coming over here, straighten up!”

“Hey Y/N, care to sit?” Mirio asked.

Tamaki’s looking down by the time you got there, so he barely registers it when you sit beside him. Your shoulder rubs against his in brief contact and it makes him shudder. He hopes you didn’t notice.

“What’s up guys?” You brought over a juice box from your other table, sipping on the straw of your drink rather intently.

“Tell Tamaki that my costume is funny!” Mirio piped up, distracted from the match-making he was SUPPOSED to be doing.

You nervously giggled, “Well... your costume is certainly an attention-grabber!”

Mirio seemed pleased with that answer, not having considered the fact that you dodged the question the best way you knew how. Tamaki stared at you, adoration etched into his irises. He didn’t realize he had left out a soft laugh until you were staring at him.

He choked up, “Uh- sorry... I didn’t mean to laugh.”

You smiled, a picture definition of the word perfect. Everything about you, he loved. He just loved you in general. “You don’t need to apologize Tamaki! Your laugh is very cute!”

You pinched his cheek before continuing your previous conversation with Mirio and Nejire. Did you even realize what you were doing to him? He hid his face in his arms and rested on the lunch table. Tamaki knew his face was probably several shades of red and pink. He was only wondering how long it would take before you’d actually kill him with your presence.

And that concluded lunch.

The last period of the day came and went uneventfully. And soon enough, class 3A had returned to the dorms, agreeing to remain in their respective costumes until the clock striked midnight. Some students had decided to spend the night on a scary movie binge, while others payed no mind to the event by studying and finishing thier cumulated late assignments.

You on the other hand we’re stuck in the kitchen, preparing some coffee to get you through the night. Mirio and Nejire had wanted to pull an all-nighter as well, which meant you had to figure out a way to not fall alseep before midnight hit. You already had a messed up sleep schedule as it was, so one more added incentive should make the whole evening smooth sailing.

“Y-Y/N?”

You turn towards the kitchen doorway where Tamaki stood, a bit shellshocked from your presence. Still in that cat onesie, you could see his whiskers had become a bit smudged.

You smiled at him, an ache wrapped around your chest became noticeably present to you. “Amajiki! Shouldn’t you be up in Mirio’s room with Nejire? I’ll be up there in a second, I just gotta finish this.”

“Ah, well,” Tamaki moved into the kitchen, fidgeting with his fingers as he talked. “You were taking a while, so they sent me to check up on you. I’m glad you’re o-okay though.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, turning back to the light stirring of the coffee machine. Your fingers uncoordinatedly tapped the kitchen’s counter, a melodic beat strung to match your voice. Tamaki watched with amusement— nothing like the sight of you in your element could make him any happier.

Actually, there was one thing that would be slightly better.

Slowly, he approached you until he had occupied the space beside you. You noticed him almost immediately, but had pretended to take more interest in your coffee than him. Your heart rate picked up, leaving you to mentally curse your inability to remain calm.

“I have a question,” His voice was hushed, a bit unsure of itself. You turned to look at him but his vision remained on the counter.

“What’s up?” When the coffee machine stilled, you pulled your mug out and carefully placed it in front of you. The smell of the roasted beans infiltrated your nostrils and you couldn’t get enough of it.

“Do you- I mean... I think I’m... no that’s not right. I think it’d better if I just show you...” He bit the inside of his lip, whilst finally mustering the courage to look at you. You’re eyes were widened with curiosity, the reflection of the night settling in your skin.

He moves slightly closer, and when you don’t move away, he softly places his hand on your cheek, angling your face so your centimeters away from each other. Tamaki tries to speak, but he honestly didn’t even think he’d get this far. He’s left utterly speechless. Perhaps if Fatgum were here, he’d supply him with the confidence he needed to pull this off. His anxiety-prone thoughts began to take initiative and he starts to pull away, believing to have bit off more than he could chew. He really did believe you deserved better than him.

But your still there. You’ve always been there. In more ways than one. You grip the front of his onesie and pull him back to his previous spot. His hand recupped your face, and you take this opportunity of surprise to place your lips on his. Nothing more than a second long, only the brush of your lips before the tingling sensation had dissappeared all together.

It wasn’t enough. For either of you. You can’t remember who surged forward first, but it couldn’t have mattered less. The only thing that was being even remotely processed was the heat of your frenzied kisses. Tamaki poured all of his emotions into that moment; from the way he felt when seeing you in your puppy onesie to the butterflies that clouded his mind whenever he thought of you.

You were the first to pull back out of breath. You don’t care that your makeup is beyond repair, or that his is either. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you muttered six words into the smooth crevice of his skin, completely forgetting about the coffee you were prepping for yourself. “I love you, I always have.”

Tamaki smiled, though the nervousness hadn’t completely disappeared. “I love you too.” He admitted, feeling his heart flutter at the mutual affection. It wasn’t one-sided after all, not one bit.

Maybe he ought to take more advice from his friend the whoopie cushion.

Then again, maybe not.

“There waiting for us you know,” Your voice was a bit muffled, having been the after-effect of hiding your face in his neck. He understood you perfectly nonetheless.

“They can wait a little longer,” His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you impossibly closer.

“Kiss me again,” You pleaded.

And so, he did just that.

CHECK OUT MASTERLIST HERE!

[kaitycole]

twenty-four hour heartbreak

Summary: A recount of the last 24 hours of your marriage with a few memories sprinkled in.

Word Count: 2464

Pairing: Daichi x Fem!Reader

Warning: Angst. Pure Angst.

Trigger Warnings: Major Character Death and Cheating

Song Choice: Walking Blind by Aiden Hawken

You aren’t sure when exactly it happened, when you had decided to be unfaithful to one of the most loyal people in the world. Sure, there had been several small events that led up to you being in bed with one of your husband’s best friends, but for some reason you had always assumed when people chose to cheat there was some big life altering event that occurred. Either you were wrong or a huge event was necessary for everyone.

You had assumed that after the first time, you’d feel repulsive or sick to your stomach when you looked in the mirror but you didn’t. You felt free from the repetitive and dull relationship you found yourself in. It wasn’t until nearly five months into your sordid affair, after waking up to the soft peppered kisses on your bare shoulders, were you asked to finally leave your husband. The thought had crossed your mind, but so did the thought that once you were available your affair would end. That thought hurt you more than the idea of your marriage ending, but it was quickly dissolved when your lover pulled you into his arms reassuring he wasn’t going anywhere.

15 hours ago – 3:41 AM

You’re curled up, your back against your lover’s chest as his lips softly traveled down your neck and across the top of your shoulder. It had been a long day, for the both of you, and the comfort you found in his arms was softly melting away your worries. You felt his arm snake around your waist before whispering in your ear, assuming you were asleep.

“I love you.”

To his surprise, you turn in his arms, faces just inches apart, “I love you too.”

The room’s silence was broken by the sound of your phone ringing.

“Whose calling this late?” He checked the time.

You shrugged as you answered.

“Is this Sawamura-san?”

“May I ask who’s calling?” You sat up, pulling the blanket to cover you as you listened to the voice on the other end.

Your phone dropped from your hand, the word’s ‘hospital’ and ‘accident’ ring through your head as the man behind you picked your phone up.

“Y/N? Who was that? What’s wrong?” He’s on his knees in front of you, placing a comforting hand on your thigh as you looked at the ground.

“There was an accident. Daichi’s in the hospital.”

The man in front of you started to panic, he threw on his clothes that had been previously scattered on the hotel room’s floor. He gathered yours as well, placing them next to you before the shock wore off just enough for you to burst into tears.

“It’s all my fault. This is my fault!” You sobbed as he pulled you into his arms, making shushing noises to calm you down.

“It was an accident, Y/N.” He may have sounded convincing but he wasn’t convinced himself because deep down he knew it was his fault. “It’s Daichi, he’ll be fine.” He has to be, right?

After a few moments, you quickly grabbed some clothes, throwing them on before you both ran outside.

24 hours ago – 6:35 PM

You were sitting on the couch when he walked back into the living room. He had just gotten out of his post-run shower, the same run he goes on every day before work. His gym shorts hung low on his waist as he dried his hair with a towel.

His set-in stone schedule had allowed you to continue your affair without being caught, could you really be the only to blame for this? You’d left your phone unlocked and opened to messages to and from your lover, but his unending trust for you kept him from looking.

Your doting, always faithful, remarkable husband. The man you swore you’d love forever and who swore it back and had remained unwavering after all these years. It should be tearing you apart to do this to him, to tell him about what you’ve done, been doing, but it doesn’t. It almost makes you sick, almost.

He smiled at you and you smiled back, the same way you had been for months; a polite smile the kind you give a friend or stranger, not the man you’ve been married to for three years.

“Hey baby.” He leaned down to kiss you, but it landed on your cheek after you turned away.

“Daichi.” Your tone was low, your eyes slowly meeting his. “We need to talk.”

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” He sat next to you, his hand wrapping around yours for comfort. Something felt off and he couldn’t put his finger on what hurts him the most. The love of his life wasn’t okay and he didn’t know why.

“I want a divorce.”

His eyebrows knitted together as he felt himself stiffen at your words. Yesterday if someone asked him, he’d have said he knew you better than himself, but today that could no longer be said.

“W-why?” His voice broke, tears quickly filled his eyes and that sight on any other day would’ve broken your heart, maybe even made you cry. Today it didn’t.

“I’m having an affair.”

He shook his head as he stood up, backing away from you. His eyes landed on the things around you as if he couldn’t even look at you. Several questions ran through his mind, trying to figure out when and where things went wrong. But there were only two questions that seemed to repeat enough to slip out.

“H-h-how long? W-with w-who?” He was crying, wiping his face with his forearm trying to compose himself. In the last 8 years he never thought you would be someone who could hurt him this badly.

You took a deep breath, “Would knowing that really be best?”

“How long?” He cleared his throat, his tone more forceful like it was back in his volleyball days.

“Five months.”

You saw him take a deep breath as if trying to steady himself. “With who?”

You knew the next word out of your mouth would be the final blow. That alone should’ve made you rethink how you told him, changed the tone of your voice, but you don’t.

“Asahi.” Your tone was ice cold.

Everything that Daichi had ever known completely shattered. Everything that he thought about one of his best friends and his wife were lies and somehow, he missed out on all it. He turned and walked towards the bedroom.

Ten minutes passed before he walked back into the living room, wearing his work uniform. How awful were you to tell him this knowing he still had to go to work after this? Knowing that he’d have to work through all of this while still trying to do his job.

“A few weeks ago, when we…” It looked as though he might throw up. “Had you also been with him?”

You nodded, knowing exactly which night he was talking about. You watched his face twist in an almost disgusted expression knowing that his wife had been in his friend’s bed and then in his. That his hands had caressed the same places his friend had just hours earlier.

You watched as he gathered his keys and phone, grabbing his work bag before he left. He glanced at you one last time before the door shut, a broken expression was the last thing you saw before he was gone.

13 hours ago – 5:12 AM

You had been in such a hurry that you hadn’t noticed it was raining until your clothes were soaked. Neither you nor Asahi could seem to calm down enough to think, seemingly standing outside lost. Finally, you hailed a taxi, the two of you cramming into the backseat, Asahi rambling off the hospital’s address. Your cold shaking fingers scrolled through your phone, finding the contact you needed to reach.

“Y/N?” A yawn came from the other line.

“S-S-Suga?” Your voice broke trying to find the words.

“What’s going on?” You managed to relay the message you had previously told Asahi before breaking down. Asahi pulled you into his side as Suga tried to comfort you on the phone. He promptly told you that he’d meet you at the hospital and hung up.

“He’ll be okay, Y/N.” Asahi told you, pressing his lips to the side of your head. All you could do was nod, the both of you refusing to let yourselves think what would happen if he wasn’t. You closed your eyes, resting your head on Asahi’s shoulder, letting your mind wander to the day your affair had started.

Five months ago

You checked yourself in the mirror on the back of the sun visor. You smoothed down your hair before spraying some of your perfume on you in hopes to cover the cologne that clings to your skin. The traces of Asahi still clung to you, his touch still ghosted your body even after a 30-minute drive home from his hotel.

You’re surprised when you hear your husband in the kitchen as you walk down the hallway; you were positive that he had work. He turned around when you called out his name, a huge smile on his face, before walking over to kiss you.

“I thought you had work?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, “I switched shifts. I know that I’ve been super busy lately, it’s just that I want to make sure we’ll be okay when we start a family.”

You smiled at him, that was just like your husband, to shock you by being the most thoughtful person. Once the topic of a family came up, he had started picking up extra shifts whenever he could; wanting to make sure you’d be okay if he took time off once your family grew.

This was why you had fallen for Daichi in the first place. His thoughtfulness, his compassion, his ability to make you smile no matter how rough the day was. You threw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. He pulled you closer to him before he peppered your face with kisses.

Daichi was one of the last good men around, you had been constantly reminded about that fact whenever people met him. You know that he is, that he’d move the sun if you asked him to, but even with all of that, you still couldn’t help but be drawn to the man whose cologne filled your memories.

12 hours ago – 6:21 AM

You ran into the hospital, your clothes dripping from the rain. Running up to the front desk, you told them who you were only to have them tell you to sit and wait. Suga’s comforting voice called out to you before you had the chance to find him.

“Y/N.”

“Suga, have you seen him?” He shook his head, telling you that they wouldn’t tell him anything until you got there. His expression grew confused when he saw Asahi coming into the waiting room.

“How did I get here before you, Y/N?” He looked to his former teammate, “And how’d you get here so fast? From Tokyo?”

The both of you just looked down, neither wanting to confirm what you were sure Suga had already figured out. But you were spared from his questioning when a voice called out your name, the three of you heading towards the man in the white coat with an almost unreadable expression on his face.

Four years ago

The two of you had moved into your first apartment together and today you were spending the day at the park nearby. Daichi had packed a picnic and set it up under a cherry blossom tree. You were sitting there, laughing when Daichi surprised you with an engagement ring.

He had this long drawn out speech ready but as soon as he said your name and you say the box, you repeatedly said yes, tackling him back on the blanket. All he could do was laugh as he slipped the ring on your finger as you beamed up at him with nothing but love.

12 hours and five minutes ago – 6:26 AM

The doctor looked at you, confirming you were Daichi’s wife before continuing with the news on your husband. Suga scoffed when you called yourself Daichi’s wife and it wasn’t missed on you.

He cleared his throat after introducing himself before giving his condolences and explaining that they had done all they could but it just wasn’t enough.

A sob ripped from your throat and you found yourself in Asahi’s arms but for the first time in months, it felt off. He tried to console you while tear fell from his own eyes.

Suga’s eyes glared at the two of you, waiting for the doctor to leave before going off.

“Does…did Daichi know?”

You nodded, Asahi’s arms still around you.

“For how long?”

“I…I told him before work.” You looked down. “Today.”

“This is your fault. You did this. You caused this.” He motioned his finger between you and Asahi before storming out of the waiting room.

Four months later 

You sit under a cherry blossom tree in the park that was just a five-minute walk from the first apartment you and Daichi rented together. It’s the same one that he had proposed under not that long ago. Sometimes when the wind blew it felt like he was there with you, but you know you don’t really deserve that.

You tilt your head back onto the tree, taking in a deep breath.

I’m so sorry, Daichi. Tears stream down your face and you can’t seem to wipe them away fast enough.

It feels wrong to miss him, to wish he was still alive, especially when you had spent the last five months of his life in someone else’s arms. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth when you wake up forgetting that he’s gone or when you swear you’ve heard his voice. Some days you swear you seen him around town, at the store, even mistaking someone in the uniform he used to wear as him.

A warm breeze wraps around you, comforting you in a way that reminds you of when Daichi would pull you into a hug after a long day. Or how he’d bring your favorite tea when he knew you were stressed, even if you hadn’t told him you were upset.

Your hand gently rubbed over your barely showing stomach. I don’t know what hurts most Daichi, knowing it’s probably not your baby or wanting it to yours more than anything.

“There you are. Are you ready to go?” Asahi gently pulls you up, wrapping his arm around your waist.

You look at the man in front of you, smiling, “Of course.” I really want it to be yours, Daichi.

Masterlist is here.

[sk1fanfiction]

writing tag game

thanks for the tag @mistress-riddle!

WHAT FANDOMS HAVE YOU WRITTEN FOR (BUT NOT CURRENTLY)?

The Giver, Chronicles of Narnia, Ever After High

WHAT FANDOMS ARE YOU CURRENTLY WRITING FOR?

Harry Potter (lol one-track-mind)

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WRITING FOR?

Technically on-and-off since 2012 but everything prior to 2015 was utter trash and has been scrubbed from the internet.

ON WHICH PLATFORMS DO YOU POST YOUR STORIES?

FFN and AO3

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE GENRE TO WRITE?

Somewhere within the drama genre, but everything finds a way to turn into angst. Or, if not, hurt/comfort.

ARE YOU A PANTSER OR A PLANNER?

I have the soul of a pantser esp with oneshots, but I do try to plan longfics because otherwise I'll never have a consistent update schedule. So my longfics have backbone of planning and a flesh of 1 AM wait-what-if-this-happened?

ONE SHOT OR MULTI-CHAPTER?

Hard to decide. It's nice to finish stuff often, but I think I prefer multichapters (but they're very time-consuming).

WHAT IS A PERFECT LENGTH CHAPTER IN YOUR OPINION?

Depends. I think anything between 2k-10k is reasonable, but my sweet spot is somewhere between 3k-6k.

WHAT IS YOUR LONGEST PUBLISHED STORY?

Running From My Destiny by far. It's 157k with A/N's, 146k without (yes I do ramble that much). The next longest one is only 75k.

WHICH STORY DID YOU ENJOY WORKING ON THE MOST?

Probably RFMD, because it's also my longest ever and based very slightly off a fic I started in 2014 that was an absolute disaster fire and very unintentional crack-y but fun nonetheless, which is the absolute opposite of the tone of RFMD.

I also really enjoyed captor, sweet captor which is Tom/Ginny and also Ginny/Harry and the entire thing is inspired by Jean Cocteau's La Belle et la bête and also Gothic lit in general.

FAVOURITE REQUEST YOU HAVE WRITTEN AND WHY?

I've only written two oneshots on request (Quirrellmort and Mafalda Prewett POVs from the RFMD universe), so it's hard to pick between them.

ARE THERE RECURRING THEMES IN YOUR STORIES?

Angst. Or just relational tension in general. I think my fics are fairly varied such that I can't think of specific themes other than that. Miscommunication and secrecy, maybe?

CURRENT NUMBER OF WIPS

In publishing: 1

In draft: 3, 9 if you count the other parts of RFMD

In brain: many

THREE THINGS YOU HAVE NOTICED IN YOUR WRITING

1) I usually don't write two people just falling in love, I like them suffering from miscommunication, unrequited crushes, mutual pining but too stupid to tell each other, something else keeping them apart... yeah.

2) That I have a writing style? I don't know what it is, but all of my fics sound sort of similar, almost to the point where I'm worried they sound too similar but afaik it hasn't bothered anyone else so maybe so far so good. I love my em dashes. Maybe too much.

3) I'm very bad at visualization, like in my head, so oftentimes I have absolutely no idea what characters I'm writing even look like and most characters don't get a description other than a singular feature like 'a girl with pink glasses' or 'a man in an expensive coat.'

A QUOTE YOU LIKE FROM A PUBLISHED STORY

He's horrid.

He reeks of death.

She hates him.

And yet, she wanders around this dark, empty house with the wind whistling, the pale curtains fluttering as rain slams against the diamond-paned windows. Her plain white dress drags on the marble floors, and the heavy silk skirt weighs her down.

A QUOTE YOU LIKE FROM AN UNPUBLISHED STORY

Gellert — Albus likes him even less now that he is sitting at breakfast and has a name and a legitimate reason to be at Godric's Hollow — gazes at him and smiles, his eyes roving over the place below Albus's collarbone where he broke skin in their duel yesterday, and feeling inexplicably self-conscious and hot and bothered at the same time, he closes the remaining few buttons at the top of his shirt and sits, muttering a greeting to appease his mother's unwavering sense of propriety, so that he can ignore Gellert from now on.

tagging @viridianjester !

[peraltasames]

from now on

post-prison jake and amy fluffy timez @fourdrinkamy u have turned me over to the light i’m finally posting something with (mostly) no angst!!

title from the greatest showman song

read on ao3

It’s the little things that make Jake feel like he’s really home again - watching TV while eating the takeout dinner they order after Amy burns the first one; Charles sending him a dozen photos of Nikolaj and Genevieve in the span of an hour; Holt’s voice yelling “Peralta!” after he spills hot chocolate all over important paperwork. These small, seemingly insignificant moments of his everyday life are what he craved most while in prison, even more than the vindication of arresting Hawkins or the satisfaction of being a free man.

Still, three weeks out of Jericho Supermax there are things that are different than before. He eats less and wakes up earlier, used to the rigorous schedule enforced by the prison guards. It’s a little harder to sleep at night when somewhere in the back of his brain, there’s the fear that the past few weeks have been a dream he could wake up from at any moment. He’s also still on desk duty, spending his days filling out forms while he watches exciting cases pass him by.

And then there’s Amy, his ray of light through any of the remaining darkness. On the three-week mark of his release, Jake comes home to her sitting on their bed, pieces of paper sprawled everywhere.

“What’s all this?”

Her head jolts up from where it was previously buried in a binder, her pursed lips spreading into a smile.

“Just looking over the life calendar,” she answers casually, scooting over to make room for him to sit next to her. “Making sure everything’s still on track.”

He glances over the array of her hopes and dreams for the future, plans for her advancement to becoming the youngest captain in the NYPD. It’s meticulously organized down to weekly tasks designed to help her reach her goal on time. It dawns on him that two months spending every moment of free time on getting him out of prison might have shifted her plans.

“Ames, I-“

“Don’t you dare apologize, Jake,” she interjects with a cautionary look. “Besides, I’m barely behind. I still solved as many cases as I normally would’ve while you were gone, even with your case as my primary focus.”

Jake furrows his eyebrows, trying to do the math of that in his head. “How is that possible? Did you even sleep?”

Amy goes silent, her eyes shifting away from him and back to the binders. Jake immediately catches his mistake, his arms wrapping around her from behind in an attempt to heal the wound he just opened. She confided in him on his second night home (the first was mostly relieved kisses and passionate reunion sex) about her many, many nights lying awake with no way to know if he was safe or when he was coming home.

“Sorry, babe,” he murmurs, lips pressed to her shoulder. “Why don’t we put this stuff away for tonight?”

She sighs, leaning back into his chest and holding his hand where it rests on her ribs. “Okay.”

He helps her reorganize the papers into their respective binders and place them back on the shelf, then silently retires to the kitchen to make them each a cup of tea. She curls up on the couch in fleece pajamas and beckons him over to join her, to which he happily complies.

“How were Gina and Iggy?” Amy asks him once they’ve settled into a comfortable position, sipping her tea with her head on his chest and pulling the blanket draped over both of them further up to cover her entire body. He adds Amy always being cold to his mental list of things he didn’t realize how much he missed.

“Good, Gina hugged me and told me how much she missed me and then immediately blamed it on the new mom hormones and made me run like three errands for her.”

She laughs softly, the sound filling his heart with unbridled joy. “Sounds like Gina.”

Jake puts his mug down to properly hold her, one hand rubbing her back while the other rests on her legs. This is at the top of the list of things he did realize how much he missed, the thing he spent every waking moment in his cell (along with most of his dreams) thinking about.

“Nine months,” she says after a moment. He looks down at her quizzically, completely stumped as to what she’s talking about. “When I was looking over my calendar, I realized…almost a month with me undercover in Texas, six months in Florida, two months in prison. We’ve spent more than a third of the time we’ve been dating apart.”

It feels like someone’s wrapped a fist around his heart. He hates, despises the universe for doing everything it can to separate him from her. It’s a cruel injustice that they will never get those nine months back, that they’ve spent so much of their relationship having to make up for lost time.

“I’m never leaving you again,” he swears, punctuating the promise with a kiss to her forehead. “I swear to god, Ames, never.”

He’ll add an extra layer of security to this vow in two weeks when he pulls off the ultimate Halloween heist, and he’ll swear to it again when he says “I do” six months after that. Even now, though, with only an unspoken understanding that they will spend the rest of their lives together, he can tell that she believes him.

“Good. Because I’m never letting you go.”

She shows him how literally she means it by curling both arms around his chest and hugging him tightly.

“Perfect, that means you’ll watch Die Hard 3 with me.”

She groans against his chest, her grip on him unwavering. “Babe, you know that’s my least favourite one.”

“What if I give you a massage while we watch it?”

Her face lights up at his offer. He knows for a fact that she’s sore from working a case in the field the past few days, though she hasn’t talked about work with him much since he’s been on desk duty.

Jake grabs the remote and turns on the TV, already displaying the main menu of the DVD he optimistically popped in before heading into their bedroom to find her earlier. She turns her back to him and sighs with relaxation as he begins to rub her shoulders, something he’s gotten really good at it over the years they’ve been together judging by how frequently she asks him to do it and the sounds she makes while he does (sounds that he’s already very familiar with, though he’s usually doing something very different with his hands when he hears them).

“I love you,” she says twenty minutes into the movie, when she’s decided to give him a break and lean back against his chest so he can press intermittent, lazy kisses to her head. He’s heard her say it a thousand times, including through the speaker of a crappy cell phone every night in prison, and every time he thinks it could never sound any better. Every time, Amy proves him wrong.

“Love you too, babe.“ He doesn’t think that he ever manages to make it sound as good as she does, but the way that she immediately turns in his arms and kisses him is all the validation he needs.

All the mob bosses and corrupt cops in New York City couldn’t drag him away from her again.

[katelynrstricker]

The Face of Depression

Precisely 3 months ago today, I stepped outside without a nurse or nurse’s assistant by my side for the first time in a week. The prior days were spent abiding by a timely schedule, being shuffled to and fro in a maze of a building fraught with locked doors, and following a dress code that spoke of disallowing hoodies, belts, and shoestrings. I found myself in a land where your safety is prioritized over your freedom out of necessity, not out of desire for control. And thus, for 7 days, staff at a psychiatric hospital focused on a girl who arrived with a severe episode of Major Depression with suicidal ideation, and who was trying to fight for any shred of hope amidst overwhelming tears and terrifying, uncontrollable racing thoughts. 

And yes, that girl was me.

Now, the previous words scribbled above have probably already made several of you pouring over the bluntly honest words shuffle in your seat out of discomfort or disturbance. Wondering whether or not you should, or could, continue reading a post about such a bleak and arduous topic as mental illness and its facets. (Or perhaps some view mental illness as an imaginative falsehood people employ to excuse their shortcomings. Which I will say right now, I wholeheartedly disagree with, and I will speak to that in the coming phrases.)

But let me assure you, I am not devising this post as a means of promoting dismally destructive ideations, but of putting forth hope and love for all individuals, suffering from mental illness or not. So, please, keep reading.

And surely there are also those reading who are already mourning over my “reputation” that will now seemingly be tarnished by the admission of struggling with my mind at times. People who say: 

“You don’t want others thinking differently of you, do you?.....”

 “Now that you’ve posted this, surely future employers will see this and know that you’ve struggled with depression and take that into consideration.....”

“Men don’t want women who struggle with anxiety and depression because it’s too overbearing, so go ahead and get used to the idea of living your life as a single woman forever.....”. 

And yes, all of these are “points” people share with those who struggle with mental health, believe it or not. People, uncomfortable or dismissive of the topic, try to shove mental health back into the shadows using rejection as the key motivator. Because if we don’t address destructive monsters and stick our heads in the sand, recklessly ignoring crucial elements of life, then “the monsters won’t exist,” and we can continue to bask in our flawless reputations, right? 

To all of this, let me be clear: We cannot ignore mental health. It is VERY REAL and must not be ignored, but must be addressed with vulnerability and sincerity, aiming at figuring out how to better help those struggling with it, and how to better equip individuals on assisting those who are in need. 

And, as far as my “reputation” is concerned, I do not give a flying rip if others view me differently as a result. 

Because this topic needs to be addressed.

 And stereotypes need to be challenged.

Because, guess what? People suffer from mental illness silently every day, afraid to speak up out of crippling fear that others will indeed view them differently, or view them as “damaged goods”, or that they will be told that “it’s made up in their mind because depression isn’t real” or that someone will tell them that “they just aren’t trusting God enough”.

In my nearly 27 years, I’ve always been described as relentlessly bold in one way or another. Whether it be my outlandish sense of style, vehemently standing by subjects I deem of paramount importance, reiterating optimism despite a dismal outlook, or being decisively upfront in letting others know that I truly care about them despite the entire possibility (or probability) of rejection. 

I am not motivated by the reputation tattooed on me by man. 

I am motivated by the honesty, boldness, and passion God has placed within me. And I do not intend to let it lay to waste in any facet. And not when it comes to something as critical as mental health. I will not let my experience go unused. And thus, I continue.....

One of the things about mental health is that, often, there is a stereotype associated with those who suffer. Those who are overwhelmed by these illnesses are :

“The loners”.....

”Those who spend their days huddled in their bed with the lights off and blinds drawn, watching emotionally destabilizing movies until their tears could water a garden”.....

“The goth who dresses in all black and creates dark art”.....

“Those who are wasting away with drugs”.....

“Those covered with tattoos head to toe and who have multiple piercings”.....

The list goes on and on.

But hardly ever would you hear anyone say the one suffering is notably:

“The individual known for astonishingly optimistic speech”.....

“The one who is smiling at nearly all times”.....

“The one who wears whimsical and happy ensembles”.....

“The one who spends their time engulfed in social interaction”.....

“The one who has unequivocal energy and seeks opportunity”..... 

“The one who believes that God has a reason for everything”.....

“The one who thrives on making others smile”..... and so on.

You just don’t hear that. 

Because, subconsciously, many don’t believe that those people could *truly* be suffering internally if we cannot easily identify their struggle from the sidelines. 

We unknowingly become regulators and referees of the internal emotional lives of others, sometimes making horrendous calls due to the inability to see the play with clarity.

As a culture, we are often taught that you can tell everything you need to know about a person from the outer shell, or that you can easily identify whether or not someone is “doing okay”. But that is simply not always the case.

Many of those suffering, including myself, don’t fit the “profile of the troubled”. I have had numerous people speak to me since briefly opening up about my mental health, and many of them had said variations on the following: 

“You were always the optimistic, smiley one. I never even considered that you might battle with depression.”

“You look healthy, though.”

“You have so much going for you, though.”

“You are the energetic, nice one.”

“You looked so put together, though.”

“You are so laid back and easy to talk to, though. You’ve always been carefree.”

“You’re the most free-spirited person I know.”

Now, I know that each and every person who spoke those words to me are very well-meaning individuals and who in no way were discounting my experiences. And I love each and every one of those people dearly. They were merely speaking to the idea that I am trying to portray to you right know. Which is that depression and mental illness don’t follow our “guidelines”.

Unbeknownst to me, my reputation had apparently decided for me that I was not eligible to apply for a diagnosis of depression with suicidal ideation, anxiety, or panic disorder. And that is something I want to bring to people’s attention.

I am one of the many faces of depression.

Depression and mental illness does NOT have a “look”.

It does NOT follow stereotypes.

It does NOT care if you smile or frown.

It does NOT care if you are social or a hermit.

If does NOT care if you’re rich or poor.

It does NOT care if you believe in God or not.

It does NOT care if your life looks good from the outside.

It simply does NOT CARE.

Everyone is vulnerable to mental illness. Sure, there are individuals who may be more susceptible to it due to a family history, such as me, but that does not mean that everyone else will remain untouched.

Life is difficult. We may endure stress, trauma, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, PTSD, destabilizing life changes, and the like.

The smiling, optimistic individual is not invincible, just as the “stereotypically disturbed” person is not invincible.

Keep this in mind. 

It is NOT up to us to decide if someone is hurting or not. If they confide in you that they are hurting, BELIEVE THEM. Even if they do not radiate the stereotypical signs. And even if what is hurting them would not have hurt you to that degree. We do not get to decide for someone else.

Do not be afraid to ask questions and dig deep with people in emotional vulnerability. And don’t be afraid to ask the challenging questions should you find that someone is indeed hurting. There is nothing more loving that you could do in that instance.  I would rather someone ask a personal question, and everything be okay, than have someone assume someone is doing well, and find out that they were wrong, too late.

Don’t be afraid to ask them if they’ve considered hurting themselves. Don’t be afraid to ask them if they have a plan. Don’t be afraid to ask them if they’ve considered suicide. 

Many people feel as though asking these questions may instill those ideas in that person’s mind, but that goes against findings in the mental health field. If those ideas are going to be in someone’s mind, they’re already in their mind when you ask.

My sister, a counselor, asked me the hard questions through what was quite honestly, the most overwhelmingly unwelcome and distressing mental anguish I’ve ever experienced, and it is perhaps one of the reasons why I am still here today.  

Diving deeper into the hearts of those around you, suffering or not, is one of the most crucial things you could do to show your love and support, and that it is not superficial, but it is unwavering even in the face of difficulty.

Because suffering does not just happen externally, with broken bones and broken flesh, but it happens internally with broken hearts and chemical imbalances in the brain.

One of the reasons many people don’t consider mental illness or depression to be a “true medical issue” is the fact that it cannot be seen externally, with an X-ray, or a blood test. However, the lack of these distinctive exams does not indicate that mental illness or depression is a figment of the imagination. Rather, depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain that creates mental AND physical reactions.

Yes, there is the mental misery (which can be unbearable), but there are also physical consequences that can occur such as: 

Elevated heart rate

Increased blood pressure

Tingling of limbs and / or other body parts such as the face

Shaking, trembling

Decreased / increased appetite

Lethargy

Crying spells

Insomnia or hypersomnia

Panic attacks (which often also boast of difficulty breathing and chest pain, and honestly feel like you will legitimately bite the dust in a matter of moments), 

and so forth.

Mental illness and depression impact people more than just emotionally and psychologically. It is also physical.

Depression is not a choice, as some people say. 

Nobody would ever choose to endure this debilitating illness. To have their mind turn against them....to have their body rebelling. I promise you, nobody would choose that pain, given the option.

I did NOT choose those destructive thoughts racing through my mind. 

I did NOT want to be afraid that I would hurt myself. 

I couldn’t explain to you how, the day after my panic attacks began and my depression entirely unleashed itself, I saw pictures of myself and my friends on my bedroom wall and my mind whispered that those would be the only pictures I’d ever have together with those I love, that they would be displayed at my memorial, and how I wept uncontrollably as a result of that lie. 

I can’t explain to you how precisely the mind wields its sword of destruction, causing torment. 

But I know that mental health and mental agony is REAL and it can be vicious and unrelenting. 

That is not to scare you. But it is to promote awareness in ourselves and others.

The images and thoughts were not my choice. 

My mind was looking for a way out of the legitimate pain I was experiencing, and that is precisely why I sought help. 

So I would still be alive today. 

Trust me when I say that I would never have willingly chosen that pain. Nobody would have. Although I do believe that God must have a purpose in me having walked through it. 

Whether it is that I have learned more about myself, or that I could help even one person through sharing my experience.

My week in the psychiatric hospital, was, in total transparency, a blessing. 

Yes, you read that right. A BLESSING.

It allowed me to separate myself from the immediate stressors that were slowly drowning me.

It allowed me to be placed on a medication to assist in correcting the chemical imbalance in my brain.

It was a refuge of safety in a time where I was trying so hard to reject satan’s lies and trying to fight for myself and a future.

It was a time of bonding with those around me, in solidarity, reiterating that EVERYONE IS IMPORTANT.

I sat with other women who shared their stories.

Stories of attempted suicide. When their saving grace was that they hadn’t yet pulled the trigger when they passed out from the meds.

Stories of relapsing in addiction and wanting to break free from its hold on their life.

Stories of losing their family members while using drugs and how they regret not being there in their loved one’s last moments.

Stories of hurting themselves, but having no recollection of it happening.

Stories of living with a physical disability after an accident and struggling with the will to live, and struggling with feeling as though they were worth it despite their handicaps.

It was a zone of vulnerability and realness that I hadn’t experienced before.

These women were REAL about their struggles. 

They were HONEST about their emotional state. 

And that is something that I have rarely crossed paths with in the outside world, but I’ve always hoped I would encounter. 

I am so thankful to know now that it’s possible to speak openly and have others embrace it and then reciprocate unabashedly.

Ultimately, the location in which I met these women is insignificant, although society would often label them (us) regardless. These women were there to get help, which ultimately signifies the bravery it takes in the admission of struggling.

I learned an abundance from them. 

You know, we are all exactly the same. 

No matter where we find ourselves. 

We are all worthy of love.

(There may be someone out there thinking “Well, maybe I could have sympathy on everyone except those who have an addiction, because doing those drugs was clearly their choice.” To you, I will say: Yes, using illegal substances is a choice, but who in this life has not chosen to do something that would cause them harm in some form or another? We have ALL made self-destructive choices, whether it be through lying, sexual immorality, pride, manipulation, drugs, etc. But that does not mean that we cease to love, and love wholly. That does not mean that we cease to encourage healing.)

I loved these women who were raw and encouraging.

Who comforted me when I began bawling and shaking at the start of the first day.

Who told me it gets better.

Who told me that I was worth it.

Who spurred me on to face this monster head on.

We were all admittedly “broken”, but used our scraps to make a beautiful work of art anyway.

Being a human is hard enough without the rift that mental illness can create in a conversation. 

Without the stereotyping and labeling that ensues. 

Without the judgment that others may rain down upon us in an attempt to drown out cries for help.

Please, be open. 

Be honest. 

Ask questions. 

Listen.

Be vulnerable.

Reach out.

We do not need anything else to separate us.

We don’t need mental health to continue to be a taboo topic, letting our friends and family believe that they should hide their pain out of sight, or disguise it so as to pass for normalcy.

We truly are all the same.

Sometimes we need to be hugged.

Sometimes we need a listening ear.

Sometimes we need to hear “I love you.”

Sometimes we need to hear “You are worth it.”

Sometimes we need to hear “Me too. You’re not alone.”

In the face of good times.

And in the face of bad times.

And in the face of depression.

Love goes further than we could ever comprehend. Truly.

So, I don’t mind talking about it. 

If you have questions or want to discuss mental health or my experiences, I would love to talk to you about it.

And please just know,

whoever you are reading this:

I love you.

Just the way you are.

[therevaliir-blog]

Announcements: 08-15-2017

Wiki Changes and Additions:

Thank you to Nadine Hydria for his work writing this piece about Lacriamium! Lacriamium: A Goddess's Tears Reborn It is now a subcat. of this new article: Materials of Revaliir I hope to get more of the materials and stories about them up on the wiki as we go!

Site Changes:

Mo'Mey Steppes has undergone changes!

-Language has been changed to Belarusian

-Capital has been renamed to Sviet

-The tribe has been renamed Adorany

-Map of Sviet has been added to the description of the area for Mo'Mey

Added Kujishoku to the Language Guide in the wiki

Redid/Better described other places with new languages / better definitions

Reuploaded the images for Stairway to the Skies and Canelux's Wings for the Wiki. You can see them again!

Changed General Discussion's overhead area to O.O.C. Pub! More fun! Links are still the same :)

Wishing Well and Wish Upon A Star now roll on Sundays

I started the x2 silver boost Area Spotlight! The first area is Baltil. These spotlights will last for 2 weeks so get your silver boost! I do have a schedule for this!

The O.O.C. Pub's description now links to the debate and game forums without using a quick link.

Tidied up the Synth/Alchemy Spreadsheet, made the link to the spreadsheet open up in a new tab!

Kirika Maze was changed to Kirika Lake since it was the bigger attraction! The description for the maze is still there :) 

Something is Happening! As the Moon Parvpora enters into its fullest state, and her sister Canelux waxes strong in the sky, an aurora spreads across the sky, originating from somewhere in the Jasumin Plains. As the green, blue and purple bands fill the sky, magical energies feel more potent, and minds feel sharper, while spells seem to have an added effect: the fading image of an ornate eye inside a triangle.

EVENT:  Sanguine Tenebris Conclusion

Many brave souls made an attempt to battle their way through the Circulorum Inferni. A select few were strong enough to make it all the way to Domus Tenebris to seek counsel with the Reaper. She heard their pleas, for it was her decision whether or not the mortals deserved her mercy. Their dedication did not go unnoticed by the Goddess - after several had successfully made their way to her, she appeared once more to the people of Adeluna. “Good people of Adeluna, it seems you have learned your lesson on this day. Let this serve as a reminder that greed is a dangerous thing, and that appearance is not always what it seems. Let this remind you that while Death may be cruel, it can also be merciful and forgiving. Write of this in your histories, and do not let it be forgotten. As for the Apothecary that brought this plight upon your town… do not fear. He serves in the deepest of my Circles now… pay him a visit if you please.” With a devilish wink, the Reaper was gone from sight.With Dalanesca’s appearance, it seemed that the effects of those under the spell of Sanguine Tenebris faded immediately, leaving many people with a loss of time and memory - a notion probably for the best. Perhaps the effects of Sanguine Tenebris have taught a lasting lesson to the people of Adeluna and Revaliir - greed is never worth it… but then again, the souls of mortals have always been weak, and more powerful things could always come about…. — Sanguine Tenebris has come to a close! Thank you to all who participated - I hope you enjoyed! Hopefully, this shows that Dalanesca isn’t alllll that bad.

We finally finished the capital of Railoch's description! Gobethio will be a subarea of Railoch unless people really want it to be separate. You can find it here: Railoch's Area Description OR YOU CAN READ ABOUT IT BELOW! The Unwavering City of Gobethio: Capital of Railoch Because of the persistent thunderstorm overhead, much of Railoch remains an inhospitable wasteland filled to the brim with ruins and strange machines leftover from a bygone era. However, despite the tempest's best efforts, the heart of civilization still beats in the eye of its storm. Gobethio, the once abandoned city now called the motherland of Revaliir's archaeologists, stands as the last city yet to succumb to the sky's unending fury. No one is quite sure how Gobethio has lasted so long; not even the inhabitants themselves. It is one of Parvpora's greatest mysteries, especially given the city's remnant, advanced technologies. Gobethio is the only major settlement in all of Revaliir that is known for having hydraulic and electrical power. The entire city, while Adelunian in architectural style, is lined with magical conduits and aqueducts that harness power from the storms overhead and channel it into luxuries that the rest of the world can only dream about. From trams throughout the city to indoor plumbing and electrical lights, Gobethio has many comforts that no one else has been able to recreate. As for the city itself, it is quite sprawling even if more of a research outpost than a typical settlement. Some sight-seeing focuses can be found here and there, thanks to the elevated city center and many waterfalls that flow down to the boundaries. There are also trading hubs and inns scattered throughout the city's limits, but these are hardly the main focus of Gobethio's splendor. The numerous guilds and their halls that dot the landscape capture that role, especially with their tendency toward ornate design. Gobethio's residents are particularly fascinated with lights, and so they often devote a great amount of resources toward flashy buildings when they want to impress. Yet despite this shiny and bustling exterior, Gobethio does play host to a multitude of secrets. The reason for its high volume of archaeologists is because of the oddities that surround the settlement. The implementation of all of its technology, save for the production of additional lightning rods, light fixtures, and pipes, is completely lost on anyone that lives there now. What lies above ground and what has been implemented or repaired since the city was first resettled is not nearly grand enough to provide all of the creature comforts that the people have come to expect. There are vaults of machinery deep underground, guarded by traps and unspeakable monsters. The archaeologists have gotten rich off of the wonders within that they have managed to plunder, but no one is sure how far down the complex goes or whether it is smart to find out.

Announcement:

Our Twitch Affiliate Naki introduced me to his good friend Arthzull, a professional graphic designer, who has generously given us a huge discount on designing us not only a logo but also a header for Revaliir. We will have our own images and truly be unique. Normally logos are $70 but when he heard about our troubles he gave us a huge discount down to $20 and is giving us a header. Naki also is throwing money down so that our header is professional sketched by someone that Arthzull knows. We'll be able to watch Arthzull's twitch when he starts to work on Revaliir's logo and I am working with him to make sure it is the best that Revaliir deserves. I can't thank everyone enough for supporting us and it has made me tear up greatly. I hope that we can continue making Revaliir unique and wonderful, a place where we can truly be ourselves and enjoy our creativeness together. Thank you to both Arthzull and Naki! Make sure to thank them both. -Brittlez, Revaliir Admin

Apply to Become a God(5 month warning):

Before I get started I just want to remind people that we have no tangible NPC gods. You can say your character worships a deity that isn't a PC but you can't interact with them. These are our rules please respect them. We even have a place where people can practice the old faiths here on the site. See the City of Abed for the Tower of Edhit. The God Applications are coming and we will be giving instructions in December. We are giving you guys a 5-month heads up to get your activity up. There will be only 1 spot to round us out to 6 spots.

You must: 1. Be able to write 10 posts a month. 5 the first two weeks 5 the last two weeks. 2. Be an active member of the OOC boards. Remember that being a god isn't a status symbol. It's a staff position. 3. Post with more than 1 person. Meaning you can't just post with me on all my different accounts(example). 4. Have a yearly event idea. 5. Be a role-model. This means behaving yourself. 6. Be prepared for conflict. This isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Staff discussions can get heated and you must be able to deal with that. 7. Be actively present for staff decisions, this means being in touch with us not all of the time but we prefer most of the time. You will be a deciding factor on future changes. This is the Application (though it may change by the time we get to December so be prepared for that. DO NOT send us it. We will throw it out and you will have to redo it/resend it) We'll tell you when the time frame to send us it starts. Application Form to Fill Out: 1. Username: 2. Character name: 3. Brief character history (max 150 words): 4.Our gods and goddesses don't have domains per se, for they have a title or function that defines them, which you can see just under the title of their temples. Our question is: what would your title be, and what would it mean for your character as a deity? How would they function as such? (Max 250 words) 5.What would be your character's three god powers? (bear in mind that this does not have to be absolutely definitive as they would be subject to approval (should you be selected) but a general idea would be helpful.)(If you need an example check Angela's signature) i. ii. iii. 6. As a deity, you would be expected to run events from time-to-time(Once a year). Describe one such event that you would like to run. (max 150 words.) 7. Why do you think you would make a good deity? This is your chance to tell us about yourself, why you feel qualified for the position, what qualities you feel you could bring to the deity mix and how you would function as a part of our expanding community. (max 250 words.) 8. Provide us with an example of your writing. This can be from a thread you have already written, or it could be a piece you have specially written for this application. Whatever the case, it should feature the character you are applying with. (250 words max) Sample Application (I used Toya, Ang's sister, for the App since doing one for Ang wouldn't have been as fun… I will admit Toya looks fun to play as for a Deity >.>; This is how we expect your app to look like in format. No links to posts or links to other documents.): Username: Toya Character name: Toya Rose Brief character history (max 150 words): Toya is the queen of the White Court in Arri. She was the youngest and raised by her four older sisters. Her life has been met with fire and destruction much like her soul. She has the soul of a dragon and the madness that goes with it. She does what she has to for her family even if her attitude says otherwise. Toya is the queen of Wildfire and Innocence; the innocence due to her ignorance. The queen is a person who speaks with her fists instead of logic, a formidable foe. One of a few mortals ever to punch a god and survive. Toya is also the Tactician in Arri, meaning she has good standings with how to win a war as long as you don’t leave the talking and negotiations to her. Our gods and goddesses don't have domains per se, for they have a title or function that defines them, which you can see just under the title of their temples. Our question is: what would your title be, and what would it mean for your character as a deity? How would they function as such? (Max 250 words) The Fire Wrath, The Dragon. Toya is a creature made of fire and destruction. Her heart is always in the right place but her mind leads her down the destructive path. The saying the road to Hell is paved with good intentions defines her. She would rather fight to get her way and ignite the world on fire when it isn’t. Diplomacy is lost on her and she would be the first one to throw a punch if things weren’t going her way. What would be your character's three god powers? (bear in mind that this does not have to be absolutely definitive as they would be subject to approval (should you be selected) but a general idea would be helpful.) i. Toya is able to have a volcanic eruption so the battlefield is in a haze with volcanic soot. ii. She is able to make things that would normally have a good effect become destructive. EX: Picking up a glass and having it break from the slightest grip. iii. Anything can become her firestorm, a massive fire attack. EX: Couch cushions lighting on fire or Ice cubes even. As a deity, you would be expected to run events from time-to-time. Describe one such event that you would like to run. (max 150 words.) The Dragon’s Nest. It is a tournament on the back of dragons. The ultimate aerial battle between warriors. The catch is that the dragons don’t want you on their back and they have been told to do whatever necessary to fling the competitors off. This would be a writing competition about a changing battlefield that just happens to be a dragon. Why do you think you would make a good deity? This is your chance to tell us about yourself, why you feel qualified for the position, what qualities you feel you could bring to the deity mix and how you would function as a part of our expanding community. (max 250 words.) I am an active member of the community. I run not only the Wishing Well but also heavily stalk the help forums looking for people to help. I have a standard of twenty threads I’m in at all times for roleplay. I’m also one of the veteran roleplayers for the Greenhorns’ Guild. I draw icons for the shops and for events in my spare time. I also always answer my PMs from people when they get sent. I can post upwards of 60 posts a month for a good month. A bad month is 20. I also multitask with 36 other characters. Provide us with an example of your writing. This can be from a thread you have already written, or it could be a piece you have specially written for this application. Whatever the case, it should feature the character you are applying with. (250 words max) She wasn’t sure that this is what Blaine had meant by ‘finding a new hobby’. She wasn’t even sure if this would be a get out of jail free card. The lycan was protective of his slightly psycho mate. Toya had a tendency not to understand when she was taking things way too far. Her recent activities included being a grand champion in Torn’s arena; it kept her out of trouble. However, when she woke up after one of her victories she found herself tied up to the bed with a quite displeased Blaine at the foot of it. She was more disobedient than a child being told no. Saddling her dragon she heard about the unrest that was in the ice lands. Her blood ran hot naturally and there were plenty of nights that Blaine had thrown all of the blankets off the bed just to deal with how hot her body tended to be. It was the flame elemental in her that stirred; go figure the crazy one had the destructive powers of fire. Climbing up onto the golden dragon they were soon off. Through the thick of blizzards and giant clumps of snow she found herself wanting to be back in the desert, she wasn’t cold but she wasn’t happy here. Her eye was visibly twitched as she landed the dragon. If it was one thing that she had a gifted talent in it was using her nose. Tips Your Event and You: I think this is one of the most intimidating and hard things on the application. (I know it made me really nervous when I applied for my spot) It is absolutely alright to ask people for help with this. Personally, I would pm past deities or current deities for tips and tricks. This absolutely does not have to be an event that you will follow through with. Make it practical and within our reason of doing. To help you out a bit here is how our event system works: You can have 3 prizes, 2-3 synth drop to make the prizes, it can be site-wide, in a pre-existing area, in your own area of your making, you can choose to do a hit point event where you heal or strike down health. For example; Angela needs priests to save 75,000 crops. People post and it will raise the bar from 0 to whatever. If people make it you could have a prize or if they don't you can have a bad result. For a creature, you could do KILL THE DRAGON! 75,000 health and each post will knock its health down. You can do other things with the health bar as well. I think Rhylana did her event it was healing Rhylana. Be creative nothing is set in stone just because it says hit point/heal doesn't mean you have to do it that way. You would work with me to determine just how much health/heal would be alright for the activity on our site. Obviously, having too much or too little is a bad thing. Your Title & You: Don't make it like an enigma where we or normal members can't understand where you are going with it. I should be able to tell what your positions are by reading your name. Angela's original title was She who gifts Fertility and Holds the Cornucopia (Fertility and Earth) Also your deity can hate their title. Angela hates hers now and I did that to show that the world gave her the title, not the other way around. You can see her title now: Master Artisan of Life and Keeper of the Cornucopia. Long and she hates but gives her story. You do you: When you get to why you want to be a deity think about everything you do for Revaliir. We want people who are a part of our community, people who help out, and who are friendly and least likely to cause conflict. You should join our Discord/Skype to find out more about our community and get to know everyone. People who are staff are required or will be to be part of our chatbox/discord/skype in some way. Your Post Sample & You: Get a post sample you have on the site and grammar check it. We highly suggest making it best. You can even do an entry that hasn't been done. Anything that shows up why your character is the spot you are applying for. Remember the character is the spot not the spot, is the character. Your God Powers & You: These god powers should be for god modding outside of your temple. In your temple, you can god mod all you want. For instance: Angela's relic making I could take off and most likely will for something I can actually god mod same with her desires. It requires cooperation with other roleplayers, therefore isn't god modding. Even I make mistakes and so do the other gods. These powers can change over time as we adjust and get better at what we're doing. They should be relative to your spot. Something I could replace her relic making with is: Her Earth Magic is stronger than anyone's at any given time. Few other things: The deity position is a job. You guys will be expected to actually work. When we say you have to be active we mean it. Even in times of slow posting where we disband the quota, there is a mandatory log in time where you guys have to spend on the site. If you didn't show up for your job you would get fired, this is no different. PMing Dalanesca and myself to see how your app was, if we got it, or ANYTHING like that will be considered prying and we won't hesitate to throw it out. If for whatever reason you are worried your application didn't make it through the pm system (which is doubtful) please pm another staff member and they will check. Dalanesca and myself cannot and will not look over your apps. You don't send your future employer your application and be like "Is this what you want?" That won't work. It's not here. No favoritism. I don't know how many time I have to say this but I will say it again: I don't care who you are. I've thrown other people's applications out who I've been friends with for years. I don't believe in favoritism and neither does Dalanesca. We might hurt your feelings but understand we have our reasoning. It is by no means a betrayal in our friendship. I'm friends with everyone on the site. I'll be best friends with you all but that will not get you this spot. Your talent, dedication, and time on Revaliir will. Be careful about what titles you choose and what areas you choose. Make sure that it isn't anything that can be made out as if you are trying to take a current deity's spot. Don't apply to be: The Gifter of Fertility knowing full well that we have a goddess in that range. This has been a problem. Make sure your app is clear. Make your spot known in the application and not all over. Look over your powers and make sure that they don't overlap with other gods. If you want to know if you can you can ask that god if that's ok. (I really don't care about god powers being close to Angela's so have at it but the others might care). Don't use this application as a platform to complain about some injustice done to you. I have a paper shredder with your name on it. Don't waste ours or your own time. Do not link us to stuff in your app. We will ignore you. We were lenient last time with this stuff but this time around we will ignore it. If you want it in your app make room for it. This includes; backstory, post sample, etc etc. You wouldn't link stuff off your application for a real life job don't do it here either. Do not send us a half-filled out applications. (This has happened) Be professional. If I or a staff member catches someone intimidating members not to apply I will strike you or worse. I don't care who you are – this is not okay. Sell us your character don't just write it down and be like "Whatever". SELL IT. You want it this bad you make sure we can tell. I can tell when people don't really care so trust me it shows. Don't apply if you want to just advance your plot and act like you have nothing left to rp but be a god. Let me tell you something: We don't trust that and we don't appreciate it. What's stopping you from making god and getting bored with it? This is a spot you should plan to have long term. I've held my deity position before Revaliir and I intend on keeping it. We're in for the long haul and you should be as well. We're dedicated to serving Rev for the greater good even if we're the only ones left rping. That was the promise we the creators made ourselves when we built Rev. It will always be here. Always. Do not be intimidated: What I posted above are guidelines. As we evolve we have to set new standards for ourselves and for Revaliir. I do not want people to think: Well gosh my character is off the wall I'll never make it. On the contrary, anyone has the possibility of making it. Personally, I like off the wall ideas but I'm only 1 of the selectors for applications. I don't suggest trying to play into our likes or dislikes (People know me they know what I like) because I become hardened when I do applications. I, for the most part, am the one who delivers the bad news to friends, spouses, etc, etc. I want the best for this site and so do the other ladies. We can also tell from past posts and other things. Most importantly have fun with it. If you don't think you can handle quota and think it will ruin your experience… Don't torture yourself. I had a good friend apply and get his spot and I ended up demoting him because he lost all interest because quota ate him alive. 10 posts a month doesn't sound like a lot but when it is expected of you quota becomes a burden you have to bear.

[csrgood]

T-Mobile Update on COVID-19 Response

Over the past few weeks, T-Mobile has been working on a response plan to mobilize every area of our business to support customers, employees and the community as we face the new challenges of COVID-19. We recognize that T-Mobile customers are relying on our network to ensure they have critical connections with family, loved ones and service providers. Keeping our customers connected and our employees safe and healthy are our highest priorities.

Below is an update on our ongoing efforts.

Giving

We take our responsibility to give back seriously, particularly in times of need. T-Mobile announced plans to extend that support to the communities we serve that have seen the impacts of COVID-19 with a focus on supporting youth and those facing hunger as a result of COVID-19.

T-Mobile is giving up to $500,000 to Boys and Girls Clubs of America COVID-19 Relief Fund through social media and a text-to-give matching campaign through the month of April.

T-Mobile gave $700,000 to Feeding America’s COVID-19 Response Fund – of that $500,000 came from T-Mobile Tuesdays, a program that thanks customers with exclusive offers, every Tuesday, and $200,000 from the season finale of Slow Cooker Sunday, a weekly Facebook live show hosted by T-Mobile CEO John Legere.

The T-Mobile Foundation gave $100,000 to the COVID-19 Response Fund hosted by the Seattle Foundation that will rapidly deploy resources to community-based organizations at the frontlines of the coronavirus outbreak in the greater Seattle and Puget Sound region.

The T-Mobile Foundation is offering a 2:1 match for employees who want to give additional funds to Feeding America or the CDC Foundation that supports the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s critical health protection work.

Customers

Now, more than ever, as school and workplace closures are happening each day, reliable internet connectivity is crucial. So, we stepped up to take measures that will ensure ALL current T-Mobile customers on plans that have data are provided the unlimited connectivity they need to learn and work and that customers still have access to all the support they may need from our retail and care experts.

In response to COVID-19, T-Mobile introduced T-Mobile Connect, its lowest prices smartphone plan ever, and added lower-cost options for Metro by T-Mobile to help ensure everyone has an affordable option to get and stay connected during these challenging times.

We’re lighting up additional 600 MHz spectrum for 60 days starting March 14, expanding network capacity for customers across the country. We’re also expanding roaming access for Sprint customers to use the T-Mobile network. More here.

ALL current T-Mobile and Metro by T-Mobile customers who have plans with data will have unlimited smartphone data for 60 days (excluding roaming) starting March 14.

Providing T-Mobile and Metro by T-Mobile customers an additional 20GB of mobile hotspot / tethering service for the next 60 days starting March 20 (10GB per bill cycle for the next 60 days) for each voice line. (T-Mobile Connect excluded).

Working with our Lifeline partners to provide customers extra free data up to 5GB of data per month over the next two months.

Increasing the data allowance for free to schools and students using our EmpowerED digital learning programs to ensure each participant has access to at least 20GB of data per month for the next 60 days starting March 14.

Offering free international calling for ALL current T-Mobile and Metro by T-Mobile customers to Level 3 impacted countries.

Supporting the FCC’s Keep Americans Connected Pledge focused on ensuring residential and small business customers with financial impacts do not lose service.

T-Mobile will temporarily close about 80% of its’ company-owned retail stores until at least March 31st

Retail store hours: Starting April 1st, all T-Mobile and Metro by T-Mobile stores that have remained open will operate on an updated schedule of 11 am to 6 pm, Monday to Saturday, and 12 pm to 6 pm on Sunday. All our stores will be closed on Easter Sunday.

Virtual Retail: Beginning on April 3rd, customers will be able to chat with a retail Mobile Expert through the T-Mobile website, through Apple Business Chat, or through Facebook Messenger to activate a new device or add lines to their accounts. Products will arrive via free two-day shipping (through 5/13).

Mobile and Curbside Fulfilment: Beginning now in select markets, and nationally in the second half of April, customers can make appointments through the store locator page on T-Mobile.com for curbside or mobile fulfilment (look for “Appointments Available”).

Retail store availability: For those customers needing in-person support and essential services from one of our trusted Mobile Experts, approximately half of our stores will be open in April, covering many of our customers within a 20-minute drive time.

The stores that remain open, which are distributed across the country, will operate on reduced schedules and only stay open for eight hours each day – from 10 am to 6 pm local time for most stores

Visit our T-Mobile store locator page for store status and hours: T-Mobile | Metro

Employees

T-Mobile takes our designation by the government as a critical communications infrastructure provider seriously and continues to evaluate the appropriate steps we need to take as a business to align guidelines from State, Local and Federal Government agencies with what’s best for our customers and our employees. To support our employees as they continue to serve customers we have taken the following actions:

Providing Paid Time Not Worked for those employees in high risk categories who are sick or have been diagnosed with COVID-19 (up to 14 days).

Providing Paid Time Not Worked for employees who need intermediate support for childcare arrangements during immediate school closures (up to 5 days plus additional individual assistance on a case-by-case basis as needed)

Establishing commission guarantees and bonus guarantee in roles where that applies to ensure consistency in income

Working with our independently-owned operator partners to implement a support plan for them and their employees

Care Facilities: In our Care facilities, we continue to transition to a remote work force. Now more than 6,700 of our internal care and over 8,000 of our Global Care experts have transitioned to a work from home environment. We anticipate transitioning all 17 of our internal sites to a similar work from home experience by April 3rd so we can continue to deliver on our promise to keep customers connected to each other and the world.

Additional Resources

Ongoing updates can be found on our COVID-19 Response post here

John Legere’s letter to customers

Mike Sievert’s letter to employees

Customer COVID-19 page can be found here

President of Technology Neville shared network trends here

Work Smarter: How to Use a Mobile Hotspot for iPhone and Android

This is an unprecedented situation and we understand the importance of continuing to be the reliable network that our customers depend on each and every day. We continue to have those who are personally impacted in our thoughts.

T-Mobile U.S. Inc. (NASDAQ: TMUS) is America’s supercharged Un-carrier, delivering an advanced 4G LTE and transformative nationwide 5G network that will offer reliable connectivity for all. T-Mobile’s customers benefit from its unmatched combination of value and quality, unwavering obsession with offering them the best possible service experience and undisputable drive for disruption that creates competition and innovation in wireless and beyond. Based in Bellevue, Wash., T-Mobile provides services through its subsidiaries and operates its flagship brands, T-Mobile, Metro by T-Mobile and Sprint. For more information please visit: http://www.t-mobile.com.

source: https://www.csrwire.com/press_releases/44554-T-Mobile-Update-on-COVID-19-Response?tracking_source=rss

[thecsientist]

a destiel analysis

Disclaimer 1: I am not caught up yet with season 12 and 13, but I am still including parts from those seasons that I already know. Let me know if I missed out anything/got something wrong. 

Disclaimer 2: All gifs do not belong to me, I found them on Google. If it is yours, please let me know and I will try to add credit. (my tumblr gets weird about editing posts and sometimes it’s impossible to edit a post)

Alright. Let’s begin. Seasons 4-13. (oh boy) Anyway, the key for this long post is that my own stupid commentary will be in (italicized brackets) while pivotal points are bolded. 

SEASON FOUR

Episode 1 : “Lazarus Rising”

So we begin our story with the fact that Castiel has dragged Dean out of Hell. (i mean... that in itself is already a trope i’ve seen in hundreds of fanfictions in multiple fandoms) Dean’s shoulders are marked with red handprints.

Let me get into the position of the handprint. With the thumb being towards his armpit, there’s only two positions that Castiel could possibly have pulled Dean out from ; by holding him by the shoulders (kinda impractical, he would have a pretty weak grip on dean) or by hugging him from behind (much more practical, because the grip would be stronger.) So it’s pretty much established that Castiel hugged Dean from behind to pull him out of Hell. Moving on.

We later see Bobby and Dean waiting for Castiel. When Castiel enters the abandoned warehouse, sparks immediately begin to fly.

Sparks flying has two meanings. 1) used to say that two people are having an argument with each other or 2) used to say that two people are sexually attracted to each other. I’ll let that sit.

Episode 10 : “Heaven and Hell”

Dean and Anna share a kiss and the camera immediately pans over to Castiel who watches with an unreadable expression. Dean and Anna share a tender moment where Anna says “I forgive you” to him and Castiel immediately diverts his stare from them. (what exactly is the point of showing castiel’s reaction to their kiss? why not show uriel and sam’s reactions too? they were there too y’know)

Episode 16 : “On the Head of a Pin”

Castiel mentions that his superiors think he’s “getting too close to the humans in [his] charge. [Dean].” (he visits dean at the hospital which kinda proves the angels’ point) Castiel also mentions that he’s begun to “express feelings”. (in other words, cas can’t do his job because dean is just that distracting.)

Uriel, to Dean: "Castiel? You see, he has this weakness. He likes you."

Uriel also orders Dean to torture information out of Alastair. Ridden with guilt over the torture he’s done in Hell, Dean refuses and Castiel talks with him to convince him to do it. Dean tells Castiel that if “[The angels] ask me to open that door and walk through it, [they] will not like what walks back out” and Castiel responds with “for what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.” 

Episode 22: “Lucifer Rising”

Castiel pins Dean to the wall (it’s not actually that important but we all love this scene don’t lie)

Dean pushes an angel statue off and it falls to the ground, shattering. Immediately after that happens, Castiel appears to help Dean escape and rebel against Heaven. Whether you think this is a foreshadow to Castiel falling from Heaven or falling for Dean, still something nonetheless.

This is also the episode where Castiel throws away everything he had for Dean, even though he was supposed to let the apocalypse happen. Dean basically insults Castiel throughout this and finally, Castiel decides to help Dean escape, letting himself become hunted by the angels - just for Dean.

Castiel, to Dean: “I’m hunted, I’ve rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you.”

SEASON FIVE

Episode 3: “Free to Be You and Me”

Castiel accidentally invades Dean’s personal space and not only is the scene framed like a kiss scene, it’s also dragged out for an unnecessarily long time. The moment could easily be played off as ‘no homo’ if Dean simply just took a step away from Cas before talking about personal space. He just stands there (also looks down at cas’ lips for a sec wink wink) before he waits for Castiel to be the one to move.

Dean fixes Castiel’s tie when Castiel goes with Dean to go undercover. Dean also mentions something along the lines of “people lie to get what they want.” (in another post by someone else talking about dean’s bisexuality, they talk about this as well)

Also Dean is sure that that’s their last night alive, so he’s determined not to let Cas die a virgin. That being said, he brings him to a bar to try to hook him up with a chick but it fails as Castiel scares the woman away. It still leaves Dean laughing and he says he hasn’t laughed that much in a very long time, and that’s something.

Episode 4: “The End”

2014 Castiel to 2014 Dean about present Dean: “What? I like past you.” - This solidifies the fact that Castiel does indeed like Dean and this has never changed from the present to 2014, even though Dean has changed.

Dean, to Castiel: “Don’t ever change.”

Episode 13: “The Song Remains the Same”

Anna goes back in time to kill Sam to remove his capacity of being Lucifer’s vessel. Sam is disheartened by this, obviously, and he asks Castiel if he thinks the angels’ plan is any good. Castiel at that point of time is still pretty emotionless and clearly still doesn’t understand human emotions. He’s ready to tell Sam the idea has substance but then Dean shoots him a look that has Castiel reassuring Sam that the plan has no merit. Dean and Cas are already close enough that Cas is willing to lie to protect Sam’s feelings.

Episode 18: “Point of No Return”

Dean, to Castiel: “Blow me, Cas.” - A sexual innuendo, Dean? Really? (also entirely unnecessary but he said it)

Castiel is staring at Dean in the vault and when Dean finally notices Cas, he says “Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid.” (a completely unnecessary comment, but he made it anyway)

Dean plans to give his body up to Michael as a vessel. When Castiel finds out, he’s fucking livid. He finds Dean and confronts him, beating him up as he screams at him (probably the scene where castiel showed the most emotion all season) Castiel leans in close when Dean begs him to stop and Castiel says to him, “I gave everything for you and this is what you give to me?”

SEASON SIX

Episode 3: “The Third Man”

Sam, to Castiel: “So, what, you like [Dean] better or something?” // Castiel, to Sam: “Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” (it’s long been established that dean and cas have a closer bond to each other than cas has with sam)

Castiel also mentions that he truly cares about what Dean thinks of him.

Episode 17: “My Heart Will Go On”

Balthazar, to Dean: “Oh, I’m sorry. You’ve got me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.” - Balthazar is looking at Dean and only Dean as he says this (no sam involved) and nobody denies this. Dean breaks eye contact and Sam doesn’t say anything about it, as if Castiel being ‘in love with [Dean]’ is a well-known fact and doesn’t need to be addressed.

Episode 19: “Mommy Dearest”

Dean, to Castiel: “Cas, get out of my ass.” (again, this isn’t necessarily important to include, what with the previous line being ‘it’s not like cas lives in my ass’.) (then again, it’s an unneeded sexual innuendo to begin with. dean could have easily said something else, like ‘it’s not like cas is always watching me’ or vice versa.)

Episode 20: “The Man Who Would Be King”

Castiel wanted to go to Dean for help with Raphael, but he sees that Dean is peaceful, happy, and despite desperately needing help, he doesn’t want to jeopardize his happiness, causing him to collaborate with Crowley instead.

Castiel is working with Crowley in secret. When Sam and Bobby express their doubts about Castiel’s honesty with them, Dean’s faith in Castiel is unwavering, despite Castiel constantly dodging his questions/obviously lying.

Episode 21: “Let It Bleed”

Castiel has a busy schedule working with Crowley, but he does take time out to save Dean although Dean’s pissed that Sam and Bobby were right about Cas working with Crowley. He then seeks Dean’s forgiveness.

Castiel, to Dean: “Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call, and I am your friend. Still. Despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats, I just saved you yet again.” (he kinda has a point dean)

SEASON SEVEN

Episode 1: “Meet the New Boss”

Castiel is dying and so he seeks the help of Dean and Bobby. While Bobby and Dean set up the ritual to save him, Cas attempts to make an apology to Dean, “I feel regret about you and what I did to Sam. I just wanted to make amends before I die.” (cas is dying and yet his only concern is getting dean’s forgiveness about everything he’s done)

When Cas collapses, despite Dean’s feelings of betrayal, he rushes to catch Cas the moment Cas begins to lose balance.

Castiel, to Dean: “I’ll find some way to redeem myself to you.”

Episode 2: “Hello Cruel World”

Castiel walks into the water after Leviathan consumes him. When the Winchesters find him, he’s not there anymore, and his trench coat washes up. Dean takes it out of the water and he keeps it. Throughout the season, Dean keeps this trench coat until Castiel’s return in episode 17.

Episode 17: “The Born-Again Identity”

Sam’s losing his mind and he’s dying from it, so Dean tries to look for someone to help him. He does find someone on the Internet and he goes to visit him, finding out that it is none other than Castiel (brainwashed by God so he could start a new life) He realises Cas (or rather, Immanuel) is married and he’s awkward the entire time he’s there.

When Castiel regains his memory, Dean reveals that he’s kept Castiel’s trench coat the whole time, despite having lingering feelings of betrayal for what Cas did the previous season. He didn’t even wash it - it’s got Cas’ blood all over it. (basically implying he kept it like that because that’s exactly how it was when cas last wore it - sentimental - also implies that despite his feelings of betrayal, he was hoping cas would return - “we aren’t okay, but we will be eventually”)

Episode 21: “Reading is Fundamental”

Dean still isn’t entirely on Team Cas yet, but he’s still happy to see Castiel again when they visit the mental institute after Cas transfers Sam’s delusions to himself. However, he’s disappointed when he realises Castiel is not his normal self. (remember dean, to castiel: “don’t ever change.”)

Hester, to Dean: “When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!”

Episode 23: “Survival of the Fittest”

Dean, to Castiel: “I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

Meg, to Dean: “Go ask [Castiel], he was your boyfriend first.” Again, no denial here, as if it’s a fact that doesn’t need to be addressed/denied.

Also their gazes in this still:

SEASON EIGHT

Episode 2: “What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?”

Castiel, to Dean: “I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of [Purgatory monsters], to keep them away from you. That’s why I ran. Just leave me, please.”

Episode 7: “A Little Slice of Kevin”

Despite the fact that Cas intended to stay in Purgatory, Dean still feels an overwhelming sense of guilt about it, to the point that he even sees Cas when he’s driving, outside his window and finally, behind him in the bathroom (but this time it’s actually cas.)

There’s also a scene where Cas is all cleaned up and when Dean sees him, his hand moves to his crotch area as he shifts in his seat.

Dean, to Castiel: “Look, I don’t need to feel like crap for failing you, okay? For failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about!”

Dean, to Castiel: “I did everything I could to get you out. I did not leave you!”

Episode 17: “Goodbye Stranger”

Dean, to Castiel: “We need you. I need you.” (note the double use? that’s for when there’s different meanings. yes, dean, sam - and maybe kevin - need castiel around, but clearly dean needs him more, as proven when he feels the need to say ‘i need you’ even after ‘we need you’, like he needs to isolate his need for cas from sam and kevin’s need for cas.)

It’s also in that moment where Castiel throws away Heaven’s trust in him (again) for Dean.

Episode 19: “Taxi Driver”

Naomi, to Dean: “I know, you’re hoping Castiel will return to you.” - Dean’s face as she says this; he bites his lip and avoids eye contact until after she finishes her sentence. 

SEASON NINE

Episode 1: “I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here”

Dean prays to Castiel for help, saying that ‘[Dean] needs [Castiel] here’. It’s only when Castiel doesn’t respond that Dean sends the prayer to every angel.

Dean, to Castiel on the phone: “I've been praying to you all night.”

Dean, to Castiel on the phone: “No, Cas, I know you want to help, okay? I do, but helping angels is what got you in trouble in the first place. Now, I'm begging you – for once, look out for yourself.”

Episode 3: “I’m No Angel”

Dean finds Castiel almost dead and he cradles Castiel’s face while he desperately calls his name.

Episode 10: “Road Trip”

Castiel, to Dean: “You were stupid for the right reasons.” // Dean, to Castiel:  “Yeah, like that matters.” // Castiel, to Dean: “It does.Sometimes that's all that matters.”

Episode 22: “Stairway to Heaven”

Ah yes, the pivotal point where Castiel gives up his entire angel army for Dean Winchester.

Episode 23: “Do You Believe In Miracles?”

Metatron, to Castiel: “And the Angel tablet -- arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe -- is in pieces, and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

SEASON TEN

Episode 2: “Reichenbach”

Castiel, to Sam on the phone: “I miss [Dean].” (not ‘you guys’. sorry, sam.”

Episode 3: “Soul Survivor”

Castiel restraining Demon Dean.

Episode 9: “The Things We Left Behind”

Castiel and Dean go out to eat together and Castiel asks Dean how is he. Dean responds that he’s fine and Castiel gives him a fond look, which makes Dean say “I’m great!”, followed up by Castiel saying “No, you’re not.” (cas knows dean so well)

Episode 22: “The Prisoner”

Castiel, to Dean: “Sam, everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m gonna be the one who has to watch you kill the world. So if there’s even a small chance I can save you, I won’t let you walk out of this.”

SEASON ELEVEN

Episode 1: “Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire”

Castiel has been cursed by Rowena and his first concern is to make sure Dean is safe. Dean asks him where he is the moment he picks up Castiel’s call and Cas responds with, “I'm...I'm okay.” To which Dean immediately says, “You don't sound okay.” (he is so familiar with cas’ mannerisms that he knows when cas is not good)

On the same call, Castiel informs Dean that Rowena has escaped with the Book of the Damned and the codex, but Dean replies with, “Okay, forget Rowena. Where are you?”

Episode 3: “The Bad Seed”

Castiel collapses from the effects of Rowena’s spell. When Sam and Dean help him up, Dean puts a blanket over Castiel for comfort.

Episode 14: “The Vessel”

Dean still remains unaware that Castiel is possessed by Lucifer. There’s a scene where Casifer puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder and Dean looks a little freaked out/startled in that frame. Why? Castiel has always placed his right hand on Dean’s shoulder. Casifer used his left hand. That might have been the moment Dean realised Cas isn’t really Cas anymore.

Episode 22: “We Happy Few”

Amara burns Lucifer from Castiel, who slumps to the ground, unconscious. Dean calls out to him and immediately attacks Amara (who he’s supposed to be in love with.)

There’s this one scene (I can’t find the exact episode at the moment) but Amara contacts Dean through Castiel. Also this other scene where although Dean is in the same room as Amara (who he’s supposed to be deeply in love with), his attention goes straight to Castiel, surprising both Amara (who thinks she and Dean are meant to be) and Lucifer (who was told by Dean himself that he was in love with Amara.)

SEASON TWELVE

Episode 1: “Keep Calm and Carry On”

Oh come on, their reunion was adorable. And Dean’s fond smile and Mary’s face is just like ‘what is this guy’s relation to my son???’ I love it

Episode 9: “First Blood”

Castiel kills Billie the Reaper to save the Winchesters, even though it has cosmic consequences. “This world, this sad doomed little world, it needs you.”

Episode 19: “The Future”

Dean gives Castiel a mixtape.

Mixtapes are a common romance trope.

The mixtape is full of Led Zeppelin tracks. Led Zeppelin is known in the show to be very special (and romanic), it being the reason John and Mary grew an interest for each other (Mary was impressed with John’s knowledge of Led Zepp) and with Jo and Dean earlier in the show.

Why did Dean spell ‘tracks’ as ‘traxx’ and why did he write it like ‘tra xx’ when xx is commonly used as kisses smh

Let’s not forget the fact that this entire scene, that the mixtape itself, does nothing to help the plot. The scene was entirely unnecessary, but it’s there.

Episode 23: “All Along the Watchtower”

Castiel’s death scene, leaving Sam to have to get to the nephilim alone while Dean falls to his knees next to Castiel’s body as he gazes up at the sky in agony. Ouch.

SEASON THIRTEEN

Episode 1: “Lost and Found

Dean threatens God to bring Castiel back, “I... I need your help. (...) you said the Earth would be fine because it had me and it had Sam, but it's not, and we're not. We've lost everything. And now you're gonna bring him back. Okay? You're gonna bring back Cas, (...)” - Sure, he was also referring to Mary, but he specifically says ‘bring him back’, not ‘bring them back’.

(Unable to find episode numbers at the moment) Dean goes to see Castiel’s corpse. He looks at it for a few seconds before he finds it unbearable to look anymore and recovers his face. Dean also says that he needs a win, referring to getting Castiel back. When Dean, Sam and Jack burn his body, Dean looks devastated, given up, like he’s truly lost everything. 

Dean, to Sam: “Now, you may be able to forget about [Castiel being dead], but I can’t!”

In conclusion?

Yes.

[backroombuzz]

Repugnant David Corn Pens More Mother Jones Trump Hyperbole

Repugnant David Corn Pens More Mother Jones Trump Hyperbole

David Corn put pen to paper and jotted down whatever distortion of truth he could envision. 

From reading this article, evidently, Corn's guiding principle is "Damn the truth! Full speed ahead!" I didn't even need to read one word of this stories main body to see what an assault on truth this article shall be. The Sub-Headline in his article : Donald Trump’s Holiday Gift to America: A Fundamental Crisis, Corn wrote: Deck the halls with an assault on the principles, norms, and purpose of democratic governance. In the real world "Democratic Governance" Citizens must have avenues to participate in decision making, stay informed, and hold government accountable for its performance. Strong democratic governance is characterized by transparency, open dialogue, efficient regulation, and effective rule of law. But in Liberal La-La-Land they believe the "Purpose of democratic governance" is Government control.  The Trump Tax bill exposed the Democrats purpose for all to see. With nearly every liberal crying "We've Been Robbed!" it's clear the liberal 'purpose' is for you, the citizen,  is to hand over your money because they know what's best for you, more importantly, they know how to spend your money better than you do. If Corn truly believes that "Democratic Governance" is characterized by transparency, and Trump is assaulting that belief, then what must he believe about Former President Obama? Obama's Opaque Transparency   If, as Corn wrote, by his own actions 'Trump is assaulting America's principles and Government transparency' then by his own actions, Obama's assault on principles, was nothing short of nuclear annihilation. In 2011 The Obama administration received a transparency award because, as the Washington Post wrote: "Good-government groups believe Obama has done more in two years than any of his predecessors did to open wide the often-closed doors of government." The award that was bestowed on Obama from groups like OMB Watch that advocate for government transparency. Inconceivably, the"Transparency Award" was presented behind closed doors at the White House, and the press was neither informed nor invited. The Obama Transparency award ceremony didn't appear on Obama's publicly-released daily schedule, there was no official White House readout of the meeting, no photos released and no transcript of the exchange.  That my friends, perfectly sums up the Obama's Presidency. OMB who gave the award to Obama shuttered its doors in late 2016. It was not at all shocking to discover that OMB closed and the timing of when it took place.  Since Obama no longer needed to cover up his many crimes against the United States of America, why keep OMB open? But it is telling that an advocacy group built to expose the overreach of government, happens to close exactly as Donald Trump took office. You would think, that the 'Devil' taking over the White House would be like striking oil in your backyard for an advocacy group like OMB? Liberal Principles... If Such A Thing Exists Corn writes of "Principles" which to me means "You're a truthful person of good morals and ethics." Using these parameters the only assault on principles taking place happens inside David Corn's article. Corn filled his diatribe with the typical, now debunked stories that Liberals keep pushing as truth, writing Nor is it triggered by his rude and classless behavior, as he spends long hours watching cable news, consuming Diet Coke, and rushing to Twitter to attend to petty grievances, instead of working diligently to advance the interests of the citizenry. Diet Coke How  utterly insane journalists like Corn have become?  Despite the evidence or the importance, they still try to push "Diet Coke" as hard news. On the morning that CNN was devoting every second to the life-altering “NYT Report: Trump drinks a dozen diet cokes per day,” news story. At the same exact moment that liberals were losing their collective minds over how many Diet Coke's Trump consumes, law enforcement officials had informed the Associated Press, among other reporters, that a man with a pipe bomb strapped to himself, went off on a New York City subway platform. CNN, as well, as Corn and his liberal ilk, paid the bombing no heed. The liberal, and Never Trump press displayed their journalistic principles by clearly announcing that in their elitist opinion, Donald J. Trump's Diet Coke addiction was profoundly more important to Americans than a terrorist attack in New York City? Deaf, Dumb and Blind Corn is so full of himself he cannot even recognize the level of buffoonery he and many of his leftist colleagues have achieved.  The last article Corn penned for Mother Jones, before writing this harebrained 'Trump Assault on Principles' story, was on December 8th. Since December 8th we have learned: Peter Strzok anti-Trump text messages with his concubine FBI lawyer Lisa Page were released. It lent credence to the argument that the Mueller probe was stocked with people who are out to get the president. The Obama administration derailed a Drug Enforcement Administration task force’s investigation into Hezbollah’s drug-trafficking and money-laundering operations, all to ensure the Iran nuclear deal remained on track.  In 2016 over 60,000 Americans died from illegal drug use. So, it is not a stretch to believe the drugs that Obama let into our country, most likely killed Americans.  It can be argued that if the Obama administration truly stopped law enforcement from doing their jobs, they can be culpable for murder. The Trump Tax bill, or as Corn wrote "Tax breaks for the wealthy" which is such an abhorrent lie, that I am beside myself having to address it, YET AGAIN! Read our story CNN Tax Calculator Proves CNN is Lying About The Trump Tax Plan With all that has happened over the past few weeks, David Corn writes an imbecile article, in which he needs to include Diet Cokes and Trump Tweetstorms to add weight to his article? Trump Tax Bill Duplicity Just to educate the uneducated like Corn. Here is a breakdown of the Trump tax bill. Since it uses pictures and dispenses with big words, Corn may actually finally understand what Trump's tax plan accomplishes. David Corn please pay close attention to the orange boxes, notice that they are some of the richest people in America and notice how their taxes go up. Is this a perfect bill? NO! but it certainly lets Americans keep more of THEIR OWN MONEY.  

Corn should also take notice of the corporate tax rate. If Trump truly wanted to give the rich, evil corporations a momentous tax break, then why has the United States gone from the largest corporate tax rate to only 'middle of the pack?' If, as Corn wrote, America is fast becoming an autocracy, then why would President Trump not go all the way and just make America the "Lowest" corporate taxed country on Earth?

Lies, Lies and More Lies Corn wrote: There is much else going on that tears at the fabric of decent and honest government. Ethics guidelines are routinely and casually flouted by Trump officials (and relatives)...   ...Arrogance is in the air. The driving message: We can do this…because we can. What Corn and his liberal loony toons friends can't fathom is Trump is not so much 'arrogant', but more 'confident' in his ability and the unwavering belief he has in America, and the American people. During his campaign to become our 45th President, Trump 'Confidently' proclaimed that he can get the economy running at 3% GDP.  The liberal elitist and so-called 'Experts' scoffed at this notion, claiming Trump was nothing more than a delusional liar. A few weeks ago we published a story showcasing the absurdity of 25 economic experts and their conclusions about Trump's UNFOUNDED CONFIDENCE in both himself and our country. In fact, Larry Summers, former director of the National Economic Council for President Obama said this about Trumps 3% arrogance: "Apparently, the budget forecasts that U.S. economic growth will rise to 3.0 percent because of the administration’s policies — largely its tax cuts and perhaps also its regulatory policies. Fair enough if you believe in tooth fairies and ludicrous supply-side economics."   And this:    "I do not see how any examination of U.S. history could possibly support the Trump forecast of 3% GDP as a reasonable expectation. A business trying to sell stock on the basis of a document half as hype-filled as the Trump budget would be a joke. But amazingly enough, even without the tax cuts, Trumps CONFIDENCE, not arrogance has produced a 3.3% GDP in the 2nd quarter and a 3.1% GDP in the 3rd quarter. Reports now say there is a chance to reach 4% in the 4th quarter of 2017. Worse, for the liberal agenda that are perpetuated by such hacks as Corn. The New York Fed said its latest tracking estimate on GDP growth for the first three months of 2018 was 3.15%. It's Amazing what Arrogance/Confidence Can Accomplish. The reason Corn called President Trump "Arrogant" is the fact that Democrats, Liberals, and Progressives, do not believe in Americans or "America." They believe in the "Nanny State." Corn and his Liberal foundation believe the Government must do everything for its people. The Government will tell you how to dress, will tell you how to talk, how to spend your money, and most of what to THINK! I cannot waste more time debunking all the liberal lunacy that Corn wrote. While the Democratic drones feed off of this vulgarity, I won't waste more of my time or yours. I will only add this one part that sums up the integrity of Corn's article. Citing the Washington post as if it was his bible, Corn wrote: Apparently they spoke not a word about Russia’s attack on the United States during the 2016 campaign. Which seems to be the pattern. Since Trump took office, there has not been a single sign he has pressed Putin regarding Moscow’s operation to subvert American democracy. Somehow, maybe while reading WaPo in the dark, Corn .  Corn inconceivably missed an abundance of stories that his bible had written. Trump says Putin sincere in denial of Russian meddling In that article they write  “I asked him again,” Trump said after what he described as several brief, informal chats with Putin in Danang, Vietnam, where they were attending a regional conference. “You can only ask so many times" ‘He said he didn't meddle’: Trump talks with Putin about U.S. elections and Syria in brief interactions Trump said that he had “two or three” brief conversations with Putin mostly centered on the war in Syria, but added that he pressed the Russian leader on Moscow’s role in attempting to interfere in the 2016 election. These are just two of the many stories that the Washington Post wrote describing Trump, over the past year, directly confronting Putin about Russia's interference in the 2016 elections. But you go right on writing "there has not been a single sign he has pressed Putin." As I have written before and most likely will continue to do so in the future. "Democrats refuse to let facts get in the way of their story or agenda" In closing, while I may not have graduated the 11th grade, and most assuredly I am a grammar Nazi's worst nightmare, I do consider myself more of a journalist than David Corn. A real journalist doesn't dismiss facts. Facts are something that can never be argued, nor omitted. As Rep. Trey Gowdy once said, "Facts are neither Republican nor Democrat. They are simply Facts. Read the full article

[adventuresinclientservice]

Three reasons why I didn’t die (a year later).

A year ago today I walked out of Napa’s Queen of the Valley Hospital, grateful to be alive. Here’s what I wrote back then:  

For the past five-plus years, I’ve made it a practice of posting to Adventures at least once a week and, when an occasion calls for it or minor inspiration strikes, sometimes more.  How do I know?  I looked.

So where have I been these past three-plus weeks?  You might have thought of me as among the disappeared, but there’s a far simpler explanation, best explained as the three reasons why I didn’t die.  The first is about speed.  The second is about competence.  The third is about love.

Here’s the backstory.

Survival belongs to the swift and sure.

Friday, February 26:  off to the gym for my regularly scheduled, 45-minute weight lifting session, followed by a 45-minute, elliptical cardio sweat session.  

I didn’t get past flat bench.  After a warm-up set, then doing 3 sets of 60-lb dumb bell presses, feeling good about achieving, yet again, 3 sets of 12 reps, I backed off the weights by 5 lbs.  After finishing that set, and with only one set remaining, I was ready to move on, except for the minor thing going on in my head.

“It’s nothing” I thought.  ”It’ll pass.”  Except it didn’t.  After a few minutes of waiting for things to “clear,” then becoming alarmed when they didn’t, I realized I needed to find my wife Roberta, who also was at the gym, attacking a treadmill.  As I stumbled from the weight lifting section to the cardio area, a veteran trainer named Judy, along with her manager colleague Cathy, saw I was struggling and had the presence of mind to ask, “Are you okay?”

I clearly was not okay.  Judy and Cathy took charge, found me a chair, sat me down, got Roberta, and called an ambulance.  As I would later discover, their speed and decisiveness would prove a critical difference maker, perhaps the critical difference maker.

The gym we work out at actually is part of the Queen of the Valley Hospital, roughly a block from the hospital itself, allowing the ambulance to show up in minutes.  The ambulance crew arrived, saw I was in trouble, and took control.  Before long, I was strapped to a gurney, then wheeled into the ambulance for the very short trip to the hospital.  

Time elapsed:  the duration felt interminable, but in total no more than 30 minutes passed from the moment I felt something amiss, to my crossing the emergency room doors.

Survival belongs to the capable and caring.

The ICU Intensivist, Dr. Schroeder, was among the first to see me, but it became quickly apparent I am in need of a neurosurgeon.  Serendipity seemed to play its hand here: a UCSF Board Certified Neurosurgeon, Dr, Nguyen Do, was on the scene and participated in my evaluation.  I was of little help, but a cat scan revealed a brain bleed.  I am assuredly no doctor, but I think you would say I was suffering from what most of us would describe as a cerebral hemorrhage.

These things are scary:  there simply is no place for the hemorrhaging blood to go. Your blood pressure can rise, your heart rate can go haywire, you can destabilize, you can die.

I spent Friday night in the ICU disoriented and in pain.  When the bleed didn’t abate, Dr. Do decided to intervene Saturday by drilling into my skull to insert a drain that would relieve pressure on my brain.  This, I now realize, is what you call brain surgery.

On Sunday, with me still not stable, my breathing labored, my oxygen saturation levels still low, Dr. Do decided to intervene again by re-intubating and re-catheterizing me.  As sick as I was, I fought the decision hard.  But Roberta trusted Dr. Do; I trusted Roberta.  In the end, I went back on a breathing tube.  

On Tuesday the tube came out; that was a relief, but I remained very ill.  What got me through what were terribly dark and uncertain days was the accumulated compassion and competence of the entire – yes, I mean entire – hospital team.  Not just the doctors, who often are the high-profile, thank-you-for-saving-my-life performers, but the nurses and others, who every day quietly go about the mission of keeping patients stable, hopeful, and alive.

I just wish I could summon all of their names, but remember ICU nurse Janie Salinger, who was an immense source of support and steadiness when I was at my worst and Roberta was on her own.  There was Steve, Virginia, Jalena, Lisa, Lori, Keaton, Devin, Mary, Josh, Janet, Judy, Esther, Erin, Rob, Michaela, and Jenna, who each, in their own way, were remarkably steady and capable when I was wobbly and disoriented.  There were literally scores of others who will remain anonymous and beyond the reach of my memory, who made sure I was as well as I could possibly be at a time when my future was anything but assured.

I spent 12 days in the ICU, transitioned to a traditional room for two days before arriving in Acute Rehabilitative Care, where I spent the last week slowly recovering.

Survival belongs to love.

Roberta was on her own for the first two days I was in hospital; they were beyond hard.  The difference maker?  Roberta’s sister Tracy, who flew in from Boston.

Tracy is exactly the sibling you want to have in times of crisis:  always present, always helpful, never someone you need to be concerned with.  She was an extraordinarily calming presence in a roiling sea of uncertainty, where things could quickly come apart.

But it is Roberta herself for whom I reserve the greatest degree of admiration and awe. Without her, I would not be writing you now.  If Roberta’s love were a shield, I would live forever.

What all of this means.

I was released from hospital last Friday, three weeks to the day since I was first admitted to the ICU, and am now on the mend. If you’re simply curious about what happened to me these past three weeks, you can call it a day.  

But you might just as easily say, “We’re sorry you got sick, Robert, but what the hell does any of this have to do with client service?”

When I think of serving clients, I can’t help but think about those nurses who cared for me, day-after-never-ending-day.  It’s not just about their technical competence, which they demonstrated in great abundance.  It’s about their consistency, their compassion, their unwavering support of and commitment to the welfare and best interests of their patients.

If client service people brought the same level of dedication to serving clients as my nurses brought to serving me, there would be far fewer agency reviews and far fewer account shifts, both outcomes of an ever deepening level of trust.

My hospital stay taught me something simple, yet profound.  The lesson? Going forward, I am going to take my cues from my nurses, secure in the knowledge this is what will best serve the needs of my clients.

Some people might prefer to put an experence like this behind them.  I understand, but I prefer to remember it, thankful to those who helped me when I needed it most.