#the 'you're adopted' joke HAHAH

[notmasonpines]

Calendars of the Boiling Isles

(In-Universe excerpt first, analysis on BI calendars and notes on this excerpt further down)

Tl;dr: Dana said the BI has a 666 day calendar, the show says it has a 365 day calendar, I say that concluding this is a simple contradiction is boring, and that both calendars existing is more fun to discuss (just that Belos hated the old calendar and forced the Gregorian one onto the BI after he established the empire).

Prior to the founding of the empire, the witches and demons of the Boiling Isles measured the passage of time with the Celestial Calendar, which was based on the periodic and reliable cyclic trajectory of the Wandering Star through the thirteen segments of the Intestina Tract wrapped around the celestial sphere. A full cycle in this calendar consisted of 666 days, with 74 weeks of nine days divided over 13 months, each defined by the period the Wandering Star spent in one of the constellations, which could become quite disproportionate in some cases. However, soon after the founding of the empire, emperor Belos implemented and began to enforce the Imperial calendar. The Imperial calendar employs years that consist of 365 days, divided into 52 weeks of seven days. These weeks are further divided into nine months, with four months of five whole weeks, three of six, and two of seven. These months can further be associated with one of the main covens, as per the Titan’s Will, providing a deeper symbolic connection to our lands and magic rather than a reliance on an extra-terrestrial phenomenon. The remaining day, separating the years, belongs to no weekday or month, instead being associated with the Emperor’s Coven, and is called a day of unity —Not to be confused with The Day of Unity, which is a promised, singular event, the date whereof may fall on any day, and could be significant enough to serve as the new transition point between years in a post-Unity calendar. Every four years there is a pair of days of duality instead, where the celebrations for the past year and the upcoming year are expanded upon and split between the two. The switching of calendars brought many difficulties to the Isles. Mainly the need to convert between a person’s Celestial and Imperial age, though the former is now firmly out of use, beyond elderly people attempting to sound younger through letters or Penstagram messages, as well as the switch to shorter five-day work weeks from the prior seven days. This last change was considered a positive by many, and the more regular, even spread of the weeks over the months compared to the old system helped with the smooth, willing adoption of the Imperial calendar. The only remnant of the old calendar can be seen in the practice of assigning people birth constellations based on the Wandering Star’s position in the Intestina Tract, which can bring quite some confusion to the younger generations, as this cycle does not line up with our coven-based one, with several constellations inconsistently overlapping and shifting over time if one only has the written attempts to match Imperial times with Celestial months to rely on.

I've always found the references to what calendar the Boiling Isles uses interesting…but also very confusing/conflicting. The first time it really came to my attention was during the Q&A panel the crew held for Gallery Nucleus. One of the questions was about star signs, to which Dana (indirectly through a pre-prepared text) answered that the BI has a calendar that consists of 666 day years with 13 months, each represented as a worm or tube-like demon (I at first almost didn't catch the joke of just how easy it is to make constellations for those animals, just connect any sequence of stars with a single line and you're done).

So, funny hahah Beast's Number and unlucky number for Demon and Witching Realm calendar, very fitting.

Except then come the complications.

First of all, ages would be all out of whack. Since BI years in this calendar would be 1.8 times as long as Earth years, that would mean that the age of someone according to this calendar (which I'll call the Edgy Calendar for short) is about half what you expect compared to their biological age based on our own calendar. And we do get actual age drops by BI residents, like Hunter being called 16 by Darius, or Skara having her 15th birthday.

Either that means the Hexside crew except Luz are actually all in their mid 20s to 30s based on Earth years, and physically age about half as fast as humans (which they don't. It's confirmed witches have similar natural lifespans to that of humans), the days on the BI are only 13 hours long (which I can't imagine Luz's biological clock vibing with while having her remain as upbeat and awake as we see her in the show), or the fun Calendar fact from the Q&A doesn't fit with canon and is just straight-up false, with canon trumping anything contradictory said by the creators outside of the show (something Dana subscribes to) and the BI use a Calendar with years that are about as long as our own.

And it makes sense that the Edgy Calendar is more a joke than a serious fact. It wasn't even part of the main response to the actual question that was anticipated, since that was about star signs and birth constellations. The Calendar was just made to completely mismatch ours so there'd be no easy or meaningful way to determine birth signs for BI characters. It could definitely also be an early concept thing that wasn't implemented because of the previously mentioned age stuff, or something that was thought up far too late to implement and match with in-canon stuff (like the mentioned ages).

But that's also a very boring answer, especially since the 666-13 stuff is very fitting. So, how to reconcile the complications while having our cake and eating it too?

Well, see the excerpt back at the top: Just have the Edgy Calendar be the old one and the Earth-like Calendar the new one, implemented by Belos when he rose to power.

It would certainly be in-character for him to do so. We know he was losing track of time after he'd spent a while in the Demon Realm, and the mismatched Calendars at the time would definitely contribute to that. Add to that the fact both the Beast's Number and the unlucky number are involved, and someone like Philip would absolutely despise it. Obviously one of his first acts as Emperor would be to abolish it and implement a calendar that matches the Gregorian one in length. The man completely upended an entire culture with the Coven system, surely he can implement a new calendar.

This does bring along the interesting implication that the Boiling Isles doesn't really have any event or cycle that could determine a year, as otherwise such a switch would've never been possible, let alone accepted (like seasons, which we don't really see. Though we're only there in the summer period from Earth's perspective). Which further implies that the BI planet has very little to no axial tilt.

The Moonlight Conjuring does put a bit of a wrench in this idea, however, since it's said that 'the celestial powers only align once a year'. Which would be a great way to define a calendar, and brings questions as to why it wasn't used like that before.

Then again, though this is a common expression for 'each instance happens exactly one year apart', it technically only says it happens once a year, not that the time between consecutive events is regular or predictable (you can have the Oracle Coven predict when the next one comes). Perhaps it's more like a lunar eclipse that just so happens to occur often enough to be almost always once a year.

As for how I put together my own 'Imperial Calendar', one of the few things we do know about the calendar that's currently in use (besides the years being as long as Earth years), is that at least one month has 40 or more days (Eda talks about 40th of Scabuary in Them's the Breaks, Kid, and in Wing it Like Witches we see a calendar month that's six weeks of seven days each long).

To be honest, I certainly like the idea of having months that are made up of whole weeks, making each date have the same weekday no matter what year it is.

And then came the task of dividing 52 weeks of seven days (plus the unaffiliated day) into neat months. After some struggling, the best, most pleasing combination I could come up with was 4 months of 5 weeks, three of 6, and two of 7. That it amounts to 9 months to match the main covens was also very convenient.

Some last notes: Since, with these conclusions, the BI didn't have any significant annual cycle they used to keep track of the years, they could've used any regular cycle to keep track of the years. So, rather than something lame and normal like the actual orbit of the Demon Realm planet (tracked through observing the sun move through some constellations near its ecliptic), or by observing the phases of its moon for the months, I made up something more wacky.

Since we already had the Wailing Star, I thought a star that makes a meandering trip across the night sky over the span of 666 days would be fun (And it could be one of the Archivists, idk. I like the headcanon that the Wailing Star is one of the Archivisists, crying out over the loss of their sibling, so why not have another that continues its normal duty of observing from a distance, slowly making their way along a route that passes along all the planets in the sky that they check in on?) And since the star doesn't move along the tract at an equal speed (the actual layout of star systems it floats past will be at different distances, despite looking projected on a sphere from the perspective of a BI resident) it brings some extra funkiness of some months being widely longer than others.

Plus, since all the constellations are worms or worm-like, I can use the name for an old, outdated taxonomy system where most typical worms were classed under 'Intestina', and since this version of the 'zodiac belt' is less a belt and more a random track, the 'Intestina Tract' matches perfectly with the pun names based on body parts that all locations on the BI have. I also imagine the Intestina Tract as being illustrated as a bunch of worms and tube-like demons one after the other, each eating the next's tail like some messed up, multi-stage ouroboros.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

[holdinbacksecrets]

Nope, you wait, I've got another one 😆 ~ to be the reason someone's inner child comes out~ 😭😭 I wanna write something again soon, but why isn't it working out?! Do I need to be sad again for it to work hahah 😂 (jokes on me but it used to work like that..)

Anywayy, I missed talking to you 🥺 Happy to hear you're well, but don't forget to take some time for yourself when you need it.

I'm doing okay too, nothing out of ordinary happened since we last spoke so.. 😬 OH wait but it did!! I've adopted another dog 💖💖 he's so loving and playful!! Hope he's happy here! He's spending most of the day with my mom but oh well 💕

Other than that, I really miss my tannies, can't wait to listen to rpwp and can't wait for Jin to be back already 😭😭😭 *insert -it's been 84 years- meme*

Are you going to a concert? I've seen you post something about that. I wanna go toooo 😔

- 🧁

being playful together 🥹

i totally understand that though! our headspace can have a big impact on writing, and there’s nothing more frustrating than wanting to write and not being able to 🥲 i’m experiencing that rn

i’ve missed talking to you too! srsly made my heart so happy to see you in my mailbox 🫶 of course 🥺 always doing my best to take care of myself. i hope you’re doing the same too

AHHHH what kind of dog? how old? name? “hope he’s happy here” is such a sweet thing to say 😭 i’m sure he loves you and his new home

i’m soooo excited for joon’s album. i’m chomping at the bits with anticipation and jin!!! it’s going to feel so good having a member back 🥹 (lol @ the meme)

yes! i’m seeing nct dream in chicago! i’m so excited. i wouldn’t be surprised if i explode in the arena lol. are you a dreamies fan? wish you could go too 🥺 do you have any summer plans? are you in school? pls remind me >.<

happy sunday 🧁!

[ficsforeren]

if rockstar!eren’s children can’t name nirvana’s entire discography 2 hours after they’re born eren will disinherit them.

“eren the nurses and doctors just gave him back! they’re asleep!”

“ANSWER ME CHILD, WHO IS KURT COBAIN!”

you know how parents like to play classical music for their children to go to bed? yeah eren just plays rock music for them and it also helps them when they’re crying.

*baby is crying*

*the first notes to “welcome to the jungle” start to play”

*the baby stops crying and is asleep by the end of the song*

and also if one of his kids says that they don’t like x song or artist that he really really loves he just replies with “you’re adopted” or “you’re no child of mine”

i feel like his children would also tease him when they see his posters and album covers and things like that

“where did the six pack go?”

“you know how stressful it is to take care of you? i resorted to stress eating”

he also encourages them to take music lessons and he forms a mini band with them (like the jackson 5 but not abusive)

you want to play guitar, bass or drums? done and it’s time for an empire reunion, they’ll be your teachers

piano or violin? he’s a bit offended that you went the classical route but still supportive

i feel like his children would be able to sing quite well because they’ve been surrounded by music all of their lives and they can read sheet music (if only i could do that 🥲)

-🗝

NO HAHAHHAHAAHA WHAT IS THIS OMFG I'M LAUGHING

“where did the six pack go?” KILLED ME HAHAHAH guess Eren is really going to turn out like y/n's dad in ten years huh?

no but the last hc where eren forms a mini band with his children omg take my fucking heart i'm crying this is SO CUTE

and yeah i think his children will be so talented when it comes to music because eren is just going to sing for them all the time. he'll build a tree house for them that has a huge poster of Kurt Cobain plastered inside and every summer, he'll set up a tent where they can chill around the campfire, listening to their dad's self-written love songs for his wife (his songs get even more embarrassing as he gets older, and he has the explicit version of it that he sings to you in private whenever you're having sex just to make you blush lol).

[papuhater]

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

ೃ⁀➷ a/n: i did this out of demiboy + age regression + hahaha-i-want-my-parent's-love impulse, i'm sorry.

↳ ❝ [ P4Z'S V3R3D1CT] ¡! ❞

ೃ⁀➷ pairing: platonic!villans with a child!male!reader

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ father/mother time with the bnha villans!

¡! ❞ warnings: usual violence for the villans ofc ¡! ❞

˗ˏˋformat: fluff-kinda-angst fic, headcanonsˊˎ˗ ->

tomura

ok so he found you living with trash.

literal trash-dumpster I mean

he had heard something rustling in the trash can.

and he was alone so no lackeys to send to murder a racoon

he grabs broom and makes his way towards the trashcan

he had a bad past with racoons

so he opens the lid and

y/ns pov be like:

"what the fuck is that a little kid??"

man stops punching and sees you

and how malnourished you were

takes you to his sensei,

sensei thinks it's a good idea for him take care of you

so he can mature

both parties are reluctant

he can stand children, they're snotty

you still don't forget the hands that were thrown

get it?

noways, you get close because you show interest towards videogames

you become video game buddies

you normally get rashes due to the fact you have lived in a dumpster your whole life

*tenko flashbacks*

you kin each other <3

after sometimes he takes the "I'm his family title"

and you adopt a dog.

he takes care of your health more than his

"But dad why can't i drink monster like you?" "Cause it contains high levels of caffeine, what if you're allergic? I ain't taking risks, also eat your veggies, bro."

dabi

you're endevour's new boy he adopted to probably look good

he decides that the best revenge is hurting you

dun dun dun

jokes on him

when he kidnapped you he decided to 'save you' from enji.

illegal adoption :P

you're scared but then he gets onto your soft spot ^v^

you need to take care of his wounds mf is reckless

"Dad did you hurt yourself?"

"No..."

"You did, did you?

"..maybe."

You wonder who's the parent and who's the kid.

he's lazy but when you're in danger

hoho

look at the SPEED this man has

like when you get lost you call him like:

"dad, I got lost.."

"WDYM YOU GOT LOST??? I TOLD YOU TO STAY PUT WITH TWICE AND COMPRESS MAN LSDGVJKS"

you know those parent that use fudge instead of fuck?

he's one of them when you were younger lmaoo

then you met the lov and started cussing

almost kills them

you two have movie nights!

toga

killed your elder sister

and took her spot

platonic sangwoo vibez

but it wascuse she was hitting you!

because you took something of hers

hahah bitch

The lov is basically your fam

she tried once to make you drink blood

ended in puke and a pissed off kurogiri

hard to raise you, he doesn't know anything about the male body

compress did and helped

on your birthday, the lov gets you decent presents

she gives you a body

"WTF IS THAT?" "Your present, baby 🥰"

you will always be a kid to her

gets kinda pissed off when you grow up

"mommy I need to go buy clothes"

"Sure hold on! i'm going with you!"

"I'm going alone don't worry."

You hear that?

That's her heart crushing >:(

cause of you

she errades more sis energy than mom

you can't adopt an animal, it will appear dead the second you turn your head. :(

twice

one horny unprotected night and

boom, you're a dad

stay safe children.

use condom if you aren't ready for them kids

has absolutely zero idea of what the fuck he's doing

you normally have to assure him that he's not fucking up

his split personalities are kind towards you in a weird way

"You aren't going dressed like that to school, son." his deep voice said "YASS BITCH SLAYY" his goofier one spoke up LMAOOO

you had them ripped jeans on

school doesn't allow them :'( so he had to pick you up

he's a proud dad

rambles about you to toga

"He's so cool, his style is so amazing, he's so smart-"

raising you would be easier than a girl,

he would panic during the menstruation,

but raising you is also harDDD

teenagers scare the living shit out of him

he doesn't get the slang words

you once said you were a material girl and he was like

"You're trans? Not that I j-judge your choice but how do I refer to you, will you cnhange your na-" "Dad I'm not a trans female."

you are the cause of his stray gray hairs smh

please give him a break during your mood swings

he can barely handle his

you think he can handle yours?

LMAOO BOY YOU THOUGHT-

he loves you sm

overhaul

oh

oh ok

let's take a deep breath before I snarl at this mf

so let's say you were conceived

in a fuckiNG LAB

he needed a heir

"Damn I need a heir."

*creates on his laboratory*

He expected that you would be exactly like him

bitch you- AJKHSGKA BITCH YOU THOUGHT HAAHAHHAH YOU THOUG-

n ways,

chaos.

like you're smarT for a 5 year old

and chaotic

basically his non traumatized version!

you brought hELLFIRE to his life with five years old

tried to overhaul you once you overhauled him back JSHDJKSlkjbDLHB

that's the moment you got your quirk 🥰🥰

starts to care about you when the second you age 7 years

you grew out of your everything-I-do-is-to-make-my-dad-comit-arson

and stepped into I-only-piss-him-off-a-bit phase

he taught you to play shoji

sit on his lap while reading

garden strolls 10/10

he understood pops even more

he created a strong bond with you

"If anything happened to my son, I would kill anyone in this room then myself" basically

then the I-have-better-things-to-do-than-to-be-with-my-father phase ocurred

You wouldn't want to practice shoji with him anymore, or hear him.

he misses when you were small enough to sit on his lap and hear him ramble about his day :(

you grew up too fast, now you were 10-12

you were no longer a heir, you were his son.

"Dad I got a graduation to go to."

"No."

"wdym n?-"

"Son, stop growing."

basically y/n trying to leave for primary graduation ceremony

he misses how you pissed him off :(

do it again >:(

he cried one tear but you didn't see that

kurono

hoe somehow got laid

and kept the babeyyy???

how did the mom came up with that???

he doesn't try being the best dad

doesn't give of dad of the year award vibe

but he's there!

he's ain't a good one, but not the worst.

he'll listen to you but overhaul calls and woosh he dissapears: 1.0

#overhaulyoumotherfuckertookmydadaway_2022

cares vry much about your academic development

type of dad that try to help you with math and ends up in a crying sesh.

Like

kurono, holding a pencil on the verge of a crisis: "WHAT'S 7 X 8???"

y/n, crying on the math problem: "IDK"

probably made you take the choice of joining the hassakai

at thE AGE OF 15 ???

kurono ain't father material

and that's final.

never give him children.

nemoto

ah yes, finally,

a normal good father.

better than decent.

somehow this bitch got laid (2.0)

and not surprisingly got to keep the baby :)

he'll teach you not to lie

if you do you're screwed

"Are you lying to me y/n?"🤨

"Yes dad....."

he won't speak to you in a long time,

he felt betrayed

IT WAS IF YOU HAD EATEN SOMTH AND YOU WERE LIKE "Noooo"

someone please let him know that kids lie and it's completly normal?

"Sorry I don't talk to liars."

the SASS

Hoe.

eventually forgives you.

he'll listen to you but overhaul calls and woosh he dissapears: 2.0

#overhaulyoumotherfuckertookmydadaway_2022

#itsweirdthatitocurrredagainlmaohelp_2022