#thats what pissing me off sm im just. apathetic as hell. nothing interests me.
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#fern.txt#lately i just. hate creating or smthin??#like i dont hate it but#im like weirdly sick of everything#i wake up look at my desktop and im like mmm what should i do today and i see the ps icon and im like ugh get out of my sight#i think maybe im just fed up and burned out and i need a break from it because ive been in ps constantly#and im also so weirdly sick of everything while we're at this topic#like lowkey i cant wait to go back to work so that i at least have something to do during the day#obviously i dont want to really go back to work i would rather stay home but#what good is me being at home when absolutely nothing sparks joy or interest?#i cant even get into games i cant read books i cant watch movies or shows save for this stupid love island#honestly LI is the only thing that kept me engaged lately. plus the game. the only thing that ''SpArKeD jOy'' in the past few days#as dumb as it is... yea#fr#at least finally Something. like im desperate to cling to Anything that grabs my attention for more than 1h#and oh boy has it been some number of hours#like What is wrong with me this time im so sick of life and everything and being alive im just so bored and unbothered#thats what pissing me off sm im just. apathetic as hell. nothing interests me.#i want to make gifs and edits and paint but i think about Doing it and im like hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no#have it not been for LI and winter i would probably want to d*e honestly thats how unbothered i am#but tbh that stage is yet to come because i can just feel something is about to go down. like i feel it in my bones#how you feel a storm approaching#ffs like fuck life im so sick of everything#it's weird that i even finished that casmeraal painting because i turned off ps like five times at least#i would just turn it on and off but i was like forcing myself to finish it because biiitch painting makes you feel good! so paint!#but i sooo didnt feel like it and i felt like. not much#its just so fucked up
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