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depraved-gf · 1 year ago

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Can I vent? Imma vent. I think you might appreciate the change of all sex stuff. Maybe.

So this is a very old wound, but it still bleeds every now and then. Back ground, I was the weird kid at school. I've always been kind of a loner. And I've always wanted my own "Tumblr girl" story. I met a girl on here and we just clicked. We became best friends, wed talk on a daily basis and spent around 6 hours on the phone once. I fell deeply in love got her, and I will admit; what happened next was completely my fault. I was selfish and dumb, I wanted my romantic version of her to be real and fall for me. I told her I liked her and she didn't like it, she Also had a boyfriend back then. Said we had never met. Oh, yes. That's right. Forgot to mention that. I lived in Mexico, and she was from the UK. Anyway, back then I would use Tumblr a lot more. And had my private blog where I would vent. I had a shit load of posts about her, might have been a tad bit obsessed. But being a Scorpio thats kinda like it is. Well, she somehow found it and freaked out. She asked me to never talk to her again and we'll; we talked about it and tried to fix things but the damage was done and she didn't want anything else to do with me. One year later she blocked me on every social media and her phone. My world came crashing in, and even tho I could have made other accounts and stalk her, I knew she didn't want that. So I didn't. I dealt with my anxiety on my own. How could someone who had seen how much they meant to me, do that? A few years passed and she sent me a message through xbox (we used to play for hours together). She asked me why I had done all of those things. When she sent me that message I had my head in a whole different space, and I missed the message. Could I have fixed things? (Should I also mention she used to read my erotic stories? The last story I gave her to read was one that was CNC, kinda hardcore.) She ended up blocking me because I insisted on being friends. There was a lot I could have done differently. But yeah. That. low key, Still wish she sends me another message one day.

I wanna let you have this space to vent. I hear you and I see you <3 If you need advice or an unbiased perspective, I'm gonna give it below, but feel free to ignore if you just needed that space. :)

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The answer to your question? Maybe. Maybe you could've fixed things, and maybe she'll reach out again. There's really no telling since we can't read her mind.

If she sent you a message years later even asking for clarification, she might pop up again one day. But it's most important that you let her have that space to come back if/when she wants. If you were a little pushy or insistent, along with having a private blog about her and she found it... It can cause some really scary and uneasy feelings, even if you meant well.

But I really wanna address the question: "how could someone who had seen how much they meant to me do that?"

The thing is, she doesn't owe you anything regardless of your feelings to her. I know it feels unfair, especially when feelings are unrequited. I empathize greatly with this and I know how downright painful it can be. I've been there. I'm still blocked by someone I once adored but fucked up with. Ultimately, we both made someone feel uncomfortable and they had the right to block us. And unfortunately, we have to be okay with that.

But again, and I can't stress this enough - let her come to you, baby. By doing this, you her know that her boundaries are respected by you.

Still, overall, I hope you're taking care of yourself. Never forget that you deserve to be taken care of. Go out, get into some really rad new hobbies, sniff some flowers, enjoy time with any friends of family you may have. Take it one day at a time.

Whether you reconcile with this girl or not, there will be other loves that light your soul on fire, maybe even moreso than you've ever before experienced. You're gonna be alright ♡

#ask repressedh0e #Ask Psychologist repressedh0e

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twilights-bread · 5 years ago

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For the ten millionth time, stop asking me to change my mind and walk down the isle when I graduate

#i just. want. my. fucking. diploma.#nobody was going to see me walk anyways.#you gave me the trauma back in high school that 'not even your friends came? thats so sad.' only her and my grandparents came #thats not much of a family so why go through the stress and social anxiety when its optional to just. have it. mailed.#puffle was like 'me and my family would have gone' well if i knew that back in JANUARY I WOUKD HAVE RECONSIDERED.#YALL ASKING WAY TOO FUCKING LATE AND MY MIND IS MADE UP.#SO STOP GUILT TRIPPING ME AND TRYING TO FORCE ME TO COMPROMISE #FuCK #shae rambles #VENT

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d0llpie · 4 years ago

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could we suggest a scenario instead of a # from the prompt list? if we can could you write hcs (or whatever format you prefer haha) of fake dating for sakusa? like maybe you’re going home from college and ur parents are expecting you to bring home a boyfriend.

ofc if this isn’t what you normally do i understand !!

Fake Dating Sakusa

sakusa x reader

a/n: Hii yes this is perfectly fine, thank you for the request love <33 Also i don’t usually incorporate ‘germaphobe’ sakusa into my works, i still make reference to his social anxiety and cleanliness but i keep it low key if that makes sense? Hope you enjoy regardless <3

wc: 2k

- You were friends with Komori during middle school since he lived near you

- As you grew closer you started attending his volleyball practices and he introduced you to Sakusa

- You were bright and bubbly and spoke to him every game and practice, commending him on his skills. It was rare to get a reply but you still tried nonetheless

- Once Komori had asked you to become the manager, the three of you started hanging out more often, leading to you being one of the few people Sakusa wasn’t uncomfortable around

- Once you entered high school together the boy’s volleyball team was already amazing, Sakusa became the ace while you were focused on your studies and own extra curriculars

- When Sakusa asked you to manage his team he didn’t think you would decline, as petty as it was he started ignoring you

- Komori was annoyed at his behaviour and you just tried to get under his skin to annoy him. Slipping notes into his locker and notebooks, even flinging your mask at him across the classroom but he didn’t blink.

- Your mum asked why she hadn’t seen Kiyoomi around lately and you decided to tell her everything, including how much you missed him.

- She offered to call his mum but you quickly shut her down, instead making Komori talk some sense into him.

- The next day he showed up at your door, with brows furrowed, although you could only see half his face you could tell he had a guilty expression

- “Soo, you come crawling back to me just like always” you sighed dramatically before entering your house, rolling his eyes

- “I’m sorry for expecting so much from you, i know you aren’t interested in volleyball and just support me but i enjoy your support.” you were taken back by his blunt apology and nodded, about to speak when you were interrupted

- “Sakusa! Come in come in, i haven’t seen you in while how is volleyball!” you mum ushered him into the kitchen, starting the kettle to make some tea

- “Hi mrs l/n, it’s been good, we’re improving and nationals is approaching” he removed his mask and sat at the bench, looking over at you expectantly

- You smiled before sitting next him, “Well thats great! I’m sure your mum is proud, i need to catch up with her soon” you watched fondly as they interacted, remembering how your mum seemed to be on his side more when you explained his absence

- “I have to leave soon, i’ll be back in a few hours, Kiyoomi would you like to stay for dinner dear?” he nodded curtly “if that’s okay with you” she smiled before turning to you

- “y/n, about the trip next week, your cousin is bringing her boyfriend so you can bring Sakusa, if you’re free of course” you became embarrassed quickly, understanding that your mum had mistaken Kiyoomi for your boyfriend when you spoke to her

- “mum wait-“ “okay i really need to go now, we can talk about this later, bye guys” she rushed out the door and you sighed, slowly turning to see Sakusa’s unreadable expression

- “Is your mother under the impression that we’re dating...?” you wanted to crawl under the floorboards and melt into the earth “um, i think so? i didn’t tell her that i think she got confused when i explained why you were ignoring me..” he nodded understandingly

- “I am free” you quirked your brow “Omi you don’t have to come i can explain everything to her..”

- “i guess, that’s a bit of a hassle though don’t you think? And besides, your family likes me more than you.” you lightly hit his shoulder before standing up to bring the tea into the lounge room, Sakusa following behind you

- “I guess, but, you’d have to pretend to be my boyfriend in front of everyone and my cousin will ask a lot of question, do you think you’d be okay?” his eyes softened at your concern before he answered

- “I don’t mind, it won’t be difficult, plus we can always just stay in the hotel room and say we’re on a date or something if it gets too much” he shrugged “wow Omi, i didn’t know you could think this much so fast” he glared at you and you laughed

- “Alright then babe, i’ll tell mum when she gets back” you laughed again, focusing on your cup of tea, missing the way the tips of his ears burned red

Next week came all too fast, you and Sakusa had managed to slip back into the way your friendship was beforehand, comfortable.

Sakusa was sitting on the edge of your bed, watching you pack up the last of your things into the suitcase. You knew it might be a bit much for him to be in a car with your family for hours so you were going to take his car. It would give you both time to sort out your story and prepare for the week ahead. You hopped into the passenger seat and started playing your playlist.

“Okay so, mum won’t ask many questions, she loves you anyway, however, my cousin will ask about first dates and will want to know e v e r y t h i n g” you turned to face him when his arm reached behind the head of your chair, he looked back to reverse and you stared blankly at his side profile, seeing his arms flex. You cleared your throat and turned back in front of you to continue. “We need a story”, as he pulled out of your street and began driving he spoke “I mean we can tell the truth about how we met, say you confessed after a volleyball match where i won and our first date was a picnic, we’ve been together for a few months and your mum found out recently” you stared at him shocked “i thought i would be having to prepare you but okay” you playfully rolled your eyes and smiled “What about acting like a couple?” “well your mum already assumed and i’m comfortable with you so it’s not like people don’t already think we act like one, anything off limits?” you hummed “jeez what do you have in mind” you teased and he scoffed “I mean the obvious hand holding and hugs will have to probably happen but anything else you do or don’t want?” yes. You shook the thought away “That should be fine, what about you?” “that’s fine, you can take a nap if you’re tired, it’ll be a few hours” you nodded before settling into your seat comfortably, quickly falling asleep.

Sakusa looked over at you and noticed the goosebumps on your skin, he reaching onto the backseat floor and placed a jacket over you the best he could. He glanced to you at the side fairly often, watching you peacefully sleep under his jacket. He smiled to himself while continuing to drive.

You woke up as soon as the car stopped, looking around confused, feeling an unfamiliar weight and material draped over you. You looked down and recognised Sakusas jacket, remembering you fell asleep in the car. You looked over to see Sakusa looking down at you “sleep well?” “mhm” you sat up properly and took a few minutes to adjust to being awake. “Alright well, your family is here, you ready to act babe?” he threw the nickname back at you and your eyes widened before you put on a casual smile, realising you needed to get used to acting like you were in a relationship with your friend.

“Y/n, Sakusa! How was the drive? We’re all gonna put our bags away and get settled in before dinner, make sure you both get ready!” your parents greeted you both “It was nice, we’ll settle in now, thank you” your mother handed Sakusa one of the room keys. You went to grab your bags but Sakusa beat you to it, taking both of your bags and leading you to the room.

When you entered you made a mental note to annoy your mother, there was only one bed. “Kiyoomi i’m sorry, I didn’t know she would book it like this, actually i’m not surprised...” he nodded understandingly, putting both your bags on the bed. “I’ll sleep on the chair or the floor it’ll be fine, c’mon let’s get ready” you wanted to argue against him doing that, but hummed and began to get ready.

Once you finished getting dressed, you left the bathroom and met Sakusa by the door “You look good, ready?” you nodded, smiling brightly at him. He slipped an arm around your waist and you tensed up before relaxing into his hold

Dinner went smoothly for the most part, you let Kiyoomi do most of the talking since he answered all the questions relating to your relationship with ease, even including stories from middle school and weaving them into the lies about your dating life. “So, when did you realise you liked each other?” your cousin eyed you curiously and you looked over to Sakusa. “I’ve always known, she’s always made me feel safe enough to be myself, respecting me while still annoying the crap out of me. I knew on her first day as our manager in middle school, during a break she handed everyone water bottles but she went to my bag to bring me my own water bottle instead” you were staring at him in awe, millions of thoughts running through your mind. Was he serious? He couldn’t be..but wow that was detailed and he seemed, genuine? He looked over to see you staring at him, starstruck expression on your face, similar to when he looks over to you in the stands after landing a spike. Your cousin let out a few ‘awws’ holding her boyfriends hand before turning to you again. “Oh, um, I knew when he came and picked me up at the mall, i had had a horrible day, everything was going wrong and i just wanted to get out of there but i was so stressed and despite the crowded place he still came anyway.” your heart was racing, you were sure you looked completely flustered, fiddling with your hands under the table. Sakusa noticed your nervous state and gripped your hand in his own, squeezing to calm you while keeping his attention on the rest of the table. You smiled, squeezing back softly.

After dinner you flopped onto the bed, exhausted and trying to calm down. You let Kiyoomi shower first, hopping in after him, letting the hot water soak into your muscles and relax you. After you got ready for bed you came out of the bathroom to see Kiyoomi setting blankets on the floor “Just get on the bed Sakusa” you laughed and slid under the covers, lying as far on edge as possible to avoid making him uncomfortable. “I wasn’t lying.” he was lying on his back, staring up at the roof, you turned to face him, your heart rate picking up again. “Me neither...” he turned his head to look at you, moving onto his side, your faces mere inches apart. “I agreed to this because i like you y/n..” you could feel his breath fan across your face and you smiled “I wanted you to come, i like you too” you whispered the last part as you closed the distance between you both, kissing him on the cheek softly. A small blush spread across his cheeks and he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest “I’m glad we aren’t faking anymore” you whispered into his chest “i never was, goodnight y/n” you snuggled further into his hold “goodnight omi”

#haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa headcannons #hq sakusa #sakusa x reader #sakusa fluff #sakusa fake dating #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #hq fluff #haikyuu imagines

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elliethesuperfruitlover · 3 years ago

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tw/venting

so everything’s bothering me again. one, school, to be expected, i hate school. literally would rather just not do it whatsoever. the thought of having to go through 8 more fucking months of near pointless information makes me want to go into hypersleep, and come back when i can leave and get a job and not have to do school anymore. i dont even need pre-cal?? I plan to do what I want with my future, and thrive in a business that I created, or enjoy working for, not slaving away to the machine that is capitalism. i dont want to be a doctor, or a CEO, or anything like that. i just want to be happy, at whatever job I’m at.

and im not getting “dragged” per se, into fandom shit, but it really just stresses me out seeing people leaving, or being unhappy. and still not being able to get all of my feelings across the way. hurting someone’s feelings is the last thing i want to do, but withholding how i feel about certain things hurts me a lot in the long run. I was doing just fine, but it seems like I keep getting hit with blow after blow. it makes me not trust people who i feel like i should. and i hate that. and i try my best to be respectful, and be nice, but I just feel like i’m being looked down upon.

georgia is the state with the highest COVID rates, or one of the states. my city was on national fucking news, CNN, to talk about how fucked we are. the only two times i’ve seen my city on the fucking news were both times talking about COVID, and high rates of deaths. and low vaccination rates. i dont get it. i really dont. it’s not that hard to go and get a fucking shot that’s free to save not only your life, but your neighbor’s life, and everyone else’s. and people are taking fucking horse medicine to get away from taking the fucking vaccine. it’s FREE for a reason. people are just so fucking stupid sometimes. what does it take to save your fellow fucking neighbor? or hell, since us americans are so fucking selfish, YOURSELF??? i dont get it.

and my dad also fucking pissed me off too. he’s fully vaccinated. so he decided to go out of state to go see a football game with a group of friends, who run a social club. they go to every football game the local team goes to, but im really upset. do they have no respect for the worldwide PANDEMIC at hand? there’s people dying day in and day out, and that’s what they do in response? go away and cheer on a team, and completely disregard everything else. i just cant anymore. why would he do that? put himself and his family in danger? i hate that. i cant do that. i refuse to. i cant willingly put myself at risk of literal death. and he masks up, and socially distances, but i just cant see why he would do that. or why the team would do that. people are dying, and you’re out here just?? going out.

i feel this weird sense haunt me when i think about people going out and getting back to their lives. i mean sure, go out and have fun, but there’s still so much going on right now. i really just cant see how they do that. and schools reopening and all that. my county does school on a case by case basis. like i mentioned earlier, georgia has the HIGHEST rate of COVID, literally every single county has high rates. and kids are still in school? people are still traveling? not wearing masks. i fucking hate it here. yes, go have fun, but people are DYING? i dont get it. sure, you’re doing it safely, but i just dont know. maybe i’m bitter because i literally have close to no people to go out and see because all of my IRL friends go to in-person school, and i just dont feel comfortable being around them with such high death rates and such.

also i got some like...really potentially bad news from a close friend that i cant even talk about so thats great.

im like really touch-starved, and im sure that im losing it at this point. which is everybody, i guess? i just feel really shitty close to all the time, not being able to go and see people, or do fun stuff.

nobody talks about a lot of the bad stuff in being a teenager, because it’s all glamourized. im not sure if it’s normal or not, because nobody fucking talks about it, but ive got bad anxiety, paranoia, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, the whole fucking nine yards. but it’s all partying and “teens need to stop doing this and that” and i know that social media is a lie, i get that. but outside of that, nobody talks about how fucked up some things really are. or maybe it’s just because it’s not normal whatsoever to feel this bad, and have this many bad thoughts, and all that. im convinced that all this anxiety isnt normal (i mean, i do have an anxiety disorder, but y’know) the intrusive thoughts, all that. i really just dont think enough people talk about mental health, still, after so much has been done and talked. especially not teens, and definitely not teens of color. it makes me feel even more alone in the struggle to find out what’s normal and what isnt.

society doesn’t give a shit about teenagers, this much i know. i never see people talking good about us. it’s always “there’s a new tiktok trend about kids doing xyz” and “teens need to stop being in blank fandom space”. and it hurts my feelings because i feel like there’s a lot of good kids out there. but people are obsessed with painting us as bad people, and monsters, and it makes me feel like there’s no potential anywhere. for any type of change. because nobody thinks that we can do anything but fuck everything up colossally. so those are my thoughts on that.

i wish i had something good to say, but i really don’t. i want to punch a wall and scream at the top of my lungs that i literally hate everything about everything, even if it isnt true. i feel trapped. that i cant say everything i feel to the people who matter most. and it’s not my fault, i know it isnt. but thats not stopping me from being in this tiny bubble.

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venomous--fics · 5 years ago

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Kasady

Summary: You're Cletus Kasady's younger sister, but you've never told anyone. Now his name is everywhere in the news and everyone wants your side of the story.

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, panic attacks, swearing

Mood music: Lover is a Day- Cuco

A/n: Aaaaye, sorry if this is a dumb idea. I just haven't seen anyone write this type of story? If someone has, anyone wanna link me a fic? Feedback is appreciated and requests are open! My queue is filled with the last batch I got, so expect those soon!

You almost dreaded leaving the apartment anymore. All you saw was his big, stupid, ugly face everywhere. Oh, he did that, oh, he did this, let's remind everyone that he's a monster in prison! Oh, but there's a plot twist; You hated it because you were, unfortunately, related to the guy. Nobody outside your adoptive parents knew.

You didn't like talking about, you didn't even like thinking about it. You had to put up with so much shit because of that guy. You were grateful that you were young enough that nobody knows or remembers what you look like now. You even changed your last name a few times. First, you changed it to Smith when your parents adopted you, then you changed it to Brock when you got married to Eddie.

It shouldn't bother you, you're a Brock, not a Kasady. However, you couldn't help but feel like that was just your identity. Once a Kasady, always a Kasady. You felt even worse because Eddie had taken up on the Kasady story as a huge part of his new job.

You were proud of him for finally getting back to what he loved, but sooner or later his trail would come back to you. What were you supposed to tell him? It felt like the walls were closing in on you, and that there was an anchor slowing crushing you. You had to remind yourself to just take it all in one breath at a time. This is just some fad, some story. It'll all go away.

What if it doesn't?

Your head was spinning and you closed your eyes as you sat on your bed. Everything was so quiet, and even that was alarming.

"Babe? We're home!" Eddie voice rang through the apartment.

You sucked in a breath and hopped up and out of the room, "How was work?"

You just wanted to forget about it.

"Eh, you know." he smiled as he hung his jacket up, "Same shit."

Venom appeared, looking a bit annoyed, "Easy for you to say."

"What's got you in a sour mood, big guy?" you asked, walking over and giving Venom a small kiss before turning to Eddie and giving him a kiss as well.

Venom hesitated for a moment, mostly out of embarrassment, "Well, nothing now, but some guy called us a dick."

"That wasn't very nice of them." you replied, "How about I make some dinner? I was thinking chicken nuggets or- Uh, chicken nuggets."

Eddie looked at Venom, "That's a tough choice. I guess chicken nuggets it is." You preheated the oven, "Why don't you two go get into something a little comfier?"

"Already ahead of you," Eddie said as he walked to the bedroom.

There was barely any noise for a couple minutes before Eddie said, "So, you know that story I'm working on?"

"Of course," you said, feeling the anxiety building back up.

"Well, I," he paused, you assumed he was putting a shirt on, "I've reached a dead end with it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I was talking to Cletus- Red- Whatever the hell they're gonna call him.. And he was asking me if he knew anything about his sister." Eddie stumbled out of the room as he pulled up his sweatpants, "I mean, everyone was talking about that, but I figured it was a bunch of bs."

"Oh." you repeated.

"so, I spent a majority of my day trying to find any information on this poor woman- And it's almost like he just fell off the grid."

"Well," you awkwardly chuckled as you got the bag of frozen nuggets out of the freezer, "I guess when a serial killer is your family, you'd want to disappear too, right?"

"I suppose," Eddie said.

Venom, meaning no harm, but just wanting to be part of the conversation, "Maybe he killed her, Eddie. People said that too. Maybe that's why we can't find her."

Out of habit, you put your hand over a scar you had on your arm as a lump form in your throat. It wasn't a nasty scar by any means, it was barely noticeably at this point. It was just a constant reminder.

You had lied to Eddie and told you that a biker had clipped you one day when you were coming home from work, but that was far from the truth. You wish it had been an innocent accident like that. The reality of it was that, before you and Cletus were removed from your home, he had attempted to, as he put it, saw your arm off.

Lucky for you, and being the world's biggest crybaby, again, as he would've put it, your mother had heard you screaming. Of course, she always wanted to think that Cletus would just grow out of all of this horrid stuff. You always thought if she had changed her mind, maybe she'd still be alive.

Sometimes you wished Cletus had actually killed you too, it would've been less painful than everything else you had to go through. Growing up, with Cletus always on the news for the shit he'd done, and every thing inbetween, you were slightly grateful that people would make up the rumours that you were dead. Maybe then they'd leave you alone.

You put yourself on autopilot, taking a trip down trauma lane as you put everything into the oven and set a timer.

Cletus wasn't always outwardly violent, but that doesn't mean he was kind. He would always pick on you, or tell you that nobody even wanted you. He'd always take your things and ruin them, whether it be lighting them on fire or just cutting them up.

You were so young, and you tried to believe that maybe older siblings were just like that. Maybe it was normal for them to try to leave you to die in the woods, or maybe it was normal when he'd 'jokingly' push you towards oncoming traffic. You had a lot to unlearn when you got adopted. You never wanted to be around other kids, and you barely spoke, even when you had gone to therapy. Sometimes you'd get angry at nothing and beat up pillows, and no matter what, your adoptive parents also responded with love and understanding.

You never had to deal with siblings again. Your adoptive parents are the only souls, outside the social workers, who ever knew what had gone on with your birth family. you were thankful for that.

The cycle still repeats it self, however. Some days you feel fine, you don't find yourself thinking about it, but then one little thing comes barging in and ruins it all.

You had completely lost yourself in a memory, and not a good one. You could hear your heart beating in your ear, and you must've been staring off into space.

The basement was dimly lit, and you remember your dad said he would replace the bulb, but he always forgot. You were stuck to a chair, and you couldn't stop whimpering.

"You're such a crybaby."

Cletus came into view with a roll of duct tape. He fiddled with it, trying to get it undone. You shut your eyes and tried to keep quiet. Maybe if you were quiet, he'd let you go.

He finally got a piece cut and he was going to put it over your mouth, but you kept shaking your head, calling out for you mom. You were even kicking at Cletus, which just seemed to annoy him more.

"Stop it! Stop! Go away! Go away, Cletus!"

There was something inside Cletus that just made him hate everyone around him. He had no regard for any other form of life. He didn't even feel bad about what he had planned to do to you. In fact, he had blamed you for it, he kept telling you that if you weren't so annoying, or if you were never even born, he wouldn't have to do this.

Finally getting fed up with your struggling, he grabbed your face and put the duct tape over your mouth. This made your crying worse. You could heard footsteps from the floor above you, and you were praying that whoever was up there heard you and was coming to your rescue.

Cletus proceeded to duct tape your arm down to the arm of the chair, making extra sure that it hurt. You were no more than five years old, and you were already telling yourself that this was how you were going to die.

"You know that old bat can't hear you, stupid." Cletus spat as he turned away to get something.

That's when you remembered where you were. You were at your grandma's house for the weekend. You two would get left here every so often, normally when your parents had errands to run. This time, mom and dad weren't coming back. You were stuck here.

You were thinking about all the small details of her house now, to distract yourself from what was about to happen.

Mary Poppins. Your grandmother had an odd obsession with her. She had all this little figurines that she decorated her house with. You were never sure why she liked Mary Poppins so much, but you found it endearing.

She would always hum the songs when she was baking.

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

You could practically hear her humming along.

Thats when Cletus turned back around and you saw the shimmer of the knife he had. You tried to just think of anything else, but nothing was working now. Everything was so quiet and the only noise was the sligh thum of the old light bulb.

"If you were never born, this wouldn't be happening," he sneered at you as he pushed the knife down onto your arm, "This is your fault."

He kept talking, and you wanted to keep crying, but you found everything so stressful that you were feeling tired. You didn't even have the strength to pay any mind to the burning pain in your arm. It was almost like you'd given up.

Then you heard her voice. It was calling out for both you and Cletus. It was getting louder, Cletus huffed and dropped the knife on the floor.

"One noise out of you and I'll make you suffer." he cackled a little bit, "Doesn't really matter, I was going to make you suffer anyways."

You watched hazily as Cletus made his way up the stairs. You tried to wiggle out of the duct tape restraints, but it caused too much pain, so you gave up. The voices were getting more and more muffled. Cletus was leading her away from the basement.

You wanted to go home. You wanted to be anywhere but here. You felt more tears welling up in your poor little eyes, and you closed them tightly. Just make it go away. It'll go away.

You remember hearing a lot of noise from upstairs. It sounded like things getting broken, and then several big thuds. You closed your eyes tighter. It grew quiet again.

You heard the basement creak open, and you heard the soft whimpers of the family pet, Fifi. You loved Fifi. She was a good dog. Cletus came down the stairs, holding the dog by the collar, and you watched as Fifi wriggled and yipped as she tried to get free.

You were tried to scream at him, but the duct tape muffled any noise that came out of your mouth. Cletus retrieved the knife and dragged the dog back a few steps. You wanted to look away. You didn't want to watch. You were frozen in terror as Cletus held the dog down and lifted the knife.

He was grinning so sadistically.

You felt something warm wrap around you and you jumped ten feet in the air, pushing them away and yelling, "Don't touch me! Just stay back!"

Eddie flinched and held his hands up as he took a step back, "Sorry! Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you."

You tried to catch your breath as you stared at him. You looked like you'd just seen a ghost. Eddie looked a little startled as he lowered his hands and slowly walked over to you, "Are you okay?"

You took another step back as you tried to calm your nerves, "Yeah, I- No- Yes, I'm.. I'm fine. Sorry for- I."

"Why don't we go sit down for a second.. You look like you're about to pass out." What do you do? What do you say?

"Did I cause this?" Eddie sounded a little hurt, thinking that he'd unintentionally caused you any harm, "Baby, I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't you. I just.." you needed to just think of some excuse, "The whole Kas- Cletus thing is just.. Stressful."

Eddie gently put a hand on your lower back and you flinched again, causing him to move it.

"I just mean," you sighed a little, "I see it everywhere. It's- I- Nevermind."

You were fighting with yourself. You were going to say it.

"It's alright. We don't have to talk about it anymore." He sounded so sincere, "And it'll all go away after-"

"That's just it," you wrapped your arms around yourself as you tried so hard to fight those stupid crybaby tears back, "It won't go away."

Despite your best efforts, the tears came running down your face, and Eddie went to wipe your face, but you flinched away and ran into your bedroom. You slammed the door a little too hard behind you, repeating, "It just won't go away." "Y/n," Eddie said, slightly confused as he walked over to the door. He couldn't open the door because you were sitting in front of it, and he could hear you crying. "Baby?"

He crouched down and sat down on the floor. He didn't understand what was going on, and Venom sure as hell didn't know either. They wanted to ask what was wrong, but maybe you'd tell them on your own.

"Sorry," you said between sniffles.

"It's okay." Eddie replied, leaning against the door, "What's going on?" You took in a few deep breaths before wiping your face, "It's a long story." Eddie, being a smartass, leaned forward a little to get a peek at the oven timer, "We have time."

You chuckled a little because you heard the door creak with his movement. Eddie chuckled too as he leaned back into his original position. Venom poked out of Eddie's arm and looked at the door for a moment before looking at Eddie, who just nodded a little. The little symbiote wrapped around Eddie's arm and got comfortable as you started talking.

"There-" you shivered a little, "Eddie, there's a good reason why nobody can find Cletus' sister."

Eddie looked at the door, intrigued. Did you know her somehow? Maybe through work? Were you helping her hide somewhere?

"And why's that?"

"Because, I-" you wiped your eyes again, trying to not burst into tears, "I'm Y/n Kasady."

Eddie tensed a little as he continued to stare at the door. "You're Y/n Kasady?"

You hesitated, "Unfortunately, but I mean, legally, I'm not really a Kasady anymore...Obviously."

Eddie looked down to the floor, taking it all in. Everything made sense now. "How come you never mentioned it?"

"You think I wanna talk about it?" you didn't mean to come off as bitter, "I just- I hated it. I hated everything to do with that name..Nothing good comes from being a Kasady."

"Nothing good comes from bein' a Brock either."

"Eddie." you whined.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll try to save the jokes for later."

"I just never wanted to talk about it." you continued, "Besides, what the hell would I even tell people? You think reporters want to hear a five year old talk about the most horrendous shit?"

"You were five?" Eddie's voice sounded so hoarse. He didn't knowing anything about the elusive Kasady sibling. The fact that it was you,and you were only five made everything worse.

You couldn't seem to stop yourself, "Cletus was a monster. He killed our grandma- He- He.. Oh god, he tortured the dog while I was duct taped to a chair. Not to mention that he tried to cut my arm off right before all of that- Yeah, that scar? It wasn't from some stupid biker."

"Jesus," Eddie sounded mortified, "I'm..Sorry."

"To make matters worse, I almost got lost in the system because he burned down the orphanage we were both at." you paused, remembering that day, "With everyone but us inside of it."

Venom wasn't going to say it, but he felt a little mortified. He had never met a human who was capable of those awful things.

"They had to separate us, because they thought it would stop him from acting out. That didn't work. Cletus just-" your rant broke off into another fit of helpless sobs, "He ruins everything he touches. I know It's been decades since all of that. I haven't seen him since I was five, but I still live in constant fear-" "He can't hurt you-"

"What if he breaks out of prison again? What then?" you sounded very panicked, "I have always been on edge. Cletus is a smart man, Eddie- It wouldn't take much to figure out where I am- Or my parents.. Or-"

"Hey, hey," Eddie said softly, "That's not gonna happen. You wanna know why?" "Why?' you croaked, slouching against the door.

"Because we won't let it."

You did feel safer since Eddie and venom came into your life. You also knew that they'd rather die then to let anyone hurt you. Cletus was nothing but madman, and it wouldn't take Venom very long to put an end to him. "We love you." Venom said.

You slowly turned to sit on your knees as you opened the door. You looked at Eddie and venom with a weak smile, and Eddie held out his arms, "Come here." You crawled into his arms, and Eddie held you close to him, "I'm sorry you went through that, but I promise you that nothing will ever hurt you again."

Venom untangled himself from Eddie's arm and wrapped around yours, "We will eat whatever tried to hurt you."

You curled up closer to him, feeling a lot better, "I know you will...Sorry for being a crybaby."

"Don't need to apologize." Eddie said sweetly, "If it makes you feel better, I can make something up for the story. Just to get it over with."

"You'd lose your job if they found out that you lied."

Eddie shrugged, "Plenty of other jobs in the world, love."

"It's okay," you said, "I think, maybe, I..If it's you, I can talk about it. I'm just afraid of how people will see me after. They'll probably think that I'm just like him."

Eddie rubbed your back softly, "Nobody will think that."

"Who cares what a bunch of losers think anyways?" Venom looked up at you with all the love he could muster, "We think you are wonderful."

"You guys are pretty wonderful too." you replied, smiling at them.

You gave Venom a kiss before you cupped Eddie's face and gave him one as well. Everything felt okay again, and this time you knew they'd remain that way. A startling beep rang through the apartment and you all jumped a little. You then began chuckling as Eddie helped you up. It was just the oven.

"You okay?" Eddie asked as he watched you get the food out of the oven. He saw you differently now. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. He know understood everything he needed to know, and he knew that you were doing everything in you power to get better. He was proud of you.

"Yeah, actually." you said, "I guess talking about it really does help.. I was just afraid that maybe," you laughed a little, "Maybe you'd want a divorce, because who wants an infamous serial killer as an in-law?"

Eddie, seeing the opportunity to lighten the mood with a joke, said, "A what as a what now? I thought you were an only child."

You looked at him with the softest expression, "Thanks."

He smiled as he came over and wrapped his arms around your waist, "Don't worry about it."

You wanted to stay like this forever. Unfortunately, the moment was ruined when Eddie went to grab a nugget right off the tray and yelped as it burned him. "They just got done." you said, trying not to laugh, "You watched me pull them out."

He went over to the sink and ran his hand under some cold water, "Yeah, but..Why are they still so hot?"

"Eddie," you laughed, "They just came out of a piping hot oven."

You got a couple of plates out of the cupboard as Eddie dried his hands. You were putting them on the kitchen island as you saw him go for another nugget out of the corner of your eye. Sometimes its good that not everything changes.

#eddie brock imagine #eddie brock x reader #venom imagine #venom x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x reader

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nightswithkookmin · 5 years ago

Text

WHEN JIKOOK ARE SHADING EACHOTHER:2020 Japan Comback Interview Analysis

WARNING: Full on angst ahead.

If you believe Jikook are holding hands chanting Kumbaya all the time while they walk into a purple sunset this is not for you. Jikook is real. At least to me and as a real relationship they have their fair share of ups and downs.

DISCLAIMER: Everything expressed in here is my thoughts, observations and opinion. It is not meant to offend any of the members involved or anyone else.

A Little Background:

Its my and a few other Jikookers observation that Jikook fight. A lot. They separate or breakup from time to time too. You may or may not have caught these moments as they happen but doesn't mean they don't happen all.

For me, 2018 and 2020 have been the pinnacle of such moments. Jikook are having issues- have been having issues. They are still going through a rough patch unfortunately. But not to be alarmed, they are working through it.

Now I can't say with certainty when such said issues began. I can only speculate. I started noticing some sort of tension between them right before their vacation somewhere between March/August 2019 to date.

I'm talking about their Bon Voyage 4 moments, the tattoo girl scandal, Jimins Paris scandal, Jingle, MMA, Jin's Birthday Vlive moments and all those moments that had us raising our brows.

And when I say started noticing I mean from across the various means they've been communicating with us- across their Weverse posts, Twitter, Vlives, interviews etc

I like to look at all these moments combined to see the bigger picture and not just dwell on individual moments as and when they are presented to us because BigHit do not feed us their moments in real time.

I know what you're thinking and no, Jimin flying all over to South Korea to celebrate Jks birthday wasn't him making a grand gesture for the sake of it. It is my opinion that that was just him extending an olive branch to fix things between them because... More on that later.

To understand the shade I'm referring to you'd have to understand why they are shading eachother to begin with:

Jeon Jungkook. To put it simply, Jeon Jungkook hates not being with Jimin 24/7. HE HATES IT. He hates when Jimin is not with him. When Jimin is not around him. When Jimin is with anybody that is not him. Bless him. He has proven this time and time again with all the times he's cheated to be in the same group as Jimin during Runs. His 'Jimin hyung and I will sleep here' his 'thats the friendship' statements he throws at people when Jimin has a moment with any of the members that remotely resembles anything other than friendship, SateliteJeon, and my personal favorite TeleporterJeon etc

Now I suspect this is just due to his personality as an INTP. He has the tendency to latch on to things that feels falimiliar to him and would fall back to it so he feels safe and anchored. He has latched on to Jimin and uses him as his emotional anchor and safe zone and we thank him for that. Thanks to him we've had all those amazing moments as well as the Jeonlous and now TeleporterJeon moments that only proves to us crazy Jikookers that we aren't that crazy and that Jikook is real. Bless him.

Now Jimin is like that too, don't get it twisted. This man is so deep into Jk he won't even hear anything we say. Call him by his JK. Bless him. Jimin is also very possessive of JK if not more possessive. Its just his slytherin ass does a better Job at hiding it.

The problem is, this differences in their personalities may have likely created a lot of tension and problems in their relationship with each other as well as in the relationship they have with their friends and bandmates.

The difference here being while JK latches onto Jimin because he is an introvert and have anxiety issues and isn't exactly the social type; JM is the very opposite of that.

Jimin is a highly extroverted person and loves to maintain other relationships besides his romantic one and there is nothing wrong with that.

See that face on Tae here? Now that's the face of an angry man right there. Tae literally held his breath when JK came to stand next to him because he was afraid JK was gonna ask him to move so he could stand with Jimin instead like he does with the other members like Hobi and Suga most times. To me, this was him feeling like his little bromance moment with his soulmate was being threatened and intruded on.

EXHIBIT A:

Jimin of course noticed what JK was up to. JK was being territorial. Jimin glanced at Tae through the corner of his eyes and moved to stand behind Tae. Later he tried to cheer Tae up by dancing with him.

We've seen moments time and again where JK has moved to physically block Tae from interacting with Jimin on stage and during fansigning events etc and mind you Tae is Jimin's best friend and soulmate.

This face right here! Thanks for attending my Tedtalk. Have a nice day!

Tae said it not me. It seems JK has the tendency to isolate JM and keep Jimin from his friends most times both on and off camera.

In this video, Tae's expression after he said JK was keeping JM from coming to do the live with him said it all.

Why would Jimin do that? Because I believe Tae had complained to him several times how he feels about JK keeping him all to himself and interfering with their moments most times. Frankly, I'd do same if my friends' partners kept interfering with our girls night.

And also because Jimin likes to reassure people of his love and loyalty when they feel their bond with him is being threatened by someone else. We've seen him do this with JK too a couple of times like when JK saw RM wrap his hand around Jimin during that live and he ducked and later did a heart for him. You know which VLive I'm talking about. Moving on.

Do I need to say anything here? Hobi is JMs roommate and even he complained in this VLive how he was missing JM. So the question is, where the bloody hell had JM been?! Why is everyone he is supposed to be close to missing him? His Bestfriend/soulmate and now his roommate? Fo you see the pattern?

This is not much of a stretch if you think about it because Tae has literally said this to Jimin before when he told him on the live he was missing him and JM had to apologize for that.

Truth is, Jeon Jungkook can be a bit of a bully sometimes when it comes to his position next to Jimin. That's his spot and he won't hesitate to claim it no matter who is in the way.

And for JK, we all know he doesn't interact much with the members off camera. Tae has said once that JK ignores him when they aren't filming which is why when JK was given a secret mission to Ignore Tae, Tae didn't even notice.

Now we all know KBS Gayo is Vmin land and so having JK try to stamp his Jikook stamp on it must have been tough for Tae.

RM has also said how JK doesn't even call him and Jin has said JK barely answers his calls and texts. This is not to say JK is a bad person or hates his other bandmates. He loves them all. He is just an introvert.

Now this is getting longer than intended so I'm going to break this post into two parts.

EXHIBIT B:

But to sum up everything I have been saying and to get to the point of this post, JKs possessiveness over JM for sometime has been taking a toll on JM and the group in general as it has been putting a lot of stress on JMs relationship with others.

To the point, some of the members have even been seen to side eye JK sometimes when he comes around JM and some do try to separate them or put JK in his place, acting like they don't approve of their relationship etc.

Now, I won't name names or point out such moments because it can be a bit controversial and I don't want anyone twisting my words around and calling me names. That would hurt my feelings because I love them all and my intentions are not to be malicious in any way. I'm just pointing out an observation and of course I could be wrong about everything.

I don't know for sure, but it's my belief that Jikook have been advised to spend sometime apart because perhaps people had noticed their codependent tendencies have been reaching exponential heights. It could have been their therapist or their friends or loved ones but since March/August 2019 through late 2019 to date is when I noticed they have been trying to spend time apart.

By this I mean, their vacation apart last year, JM staying with Tae for sometime this year, JM visiting his family in Busan this year, spending time with his friends and JK on the other hand taking much time to himself, picking up new hobbies such as reading, posting on Weverse about how he misses JM which I analyzed in my previous post, JM responding with how he was drinking alone watching the rain;

JK not knowing JM had taken up pop dancing, not knowing JM had taken up boxing- PS: Jikook live together, ride together, do everything together, JM calls Jks Mum Mum etc. They are super close and have proven they know every intimate detail about each other like the food they like, the briefs they wear, how long they shower, when they go to bed, what time they wake up, what song they have on their alarm etc. So when suddenly they don't know certain less intimate detail about eachother it is usually a sign that that information/detail came to exist at a time they were separated and weren't filling eachother in on what they've been up to when they are temporarily apart. Like during the recent Jikook Vlive when Jimin was surprised JK had eaten Gimbap. He seemed really shocked by that information and I wonder why. *smirk

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook analysis #jikooktheories #jikook #kookmin analysis #kookmintheories #kookmin #jungkook angst #bts angst #vmin #jikook fights #kookmin fights #nightswithkookmin #teatime #bts #bts jungkook #bts jimin #bts fluff

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pani-slunce · 5 years ago

Text

To my sister

Hey sis it’s me uh

Oh I’m Eszti but you also knew me as your big sister so

Sorry, I called you the wrong name, see abusive seems more fitting

See you may not have been like my grandparents who beat for the “religious crimes” I was committing

But doing what you did hurt me worse then any type of physical hitting

You know what was up, you know when we were young I loved you more then a sister

Had me in the bathroom saying “stop kissing and try to resist her”!

You felt it too, you may not admit it to your husband

Afraid of admitting what we had will get you into some trouble

I still remember when we were kids you abandoned me like I was nothing

Our grandparents caught us in bed together while we were lovin

We both got a beating so bad my leg was too broke for running.

So we made a pact of trust that we will help each other through the abuse no matter what

Until you chickened out and threw me under the bus, called me a pervert, faggot, molester, a child of Satan and everything under the sun, saying you tried to keep it hidden but now that your done

Until the next day you left in a hurry leaving broken me as the only one

My grandparents believed all your lies and as a result my torment had begun

For the first few months they locked me in the closet, thinking that being isolated will cure me being gay but did the opposite

What made it worse was the only contact I had was my domestic kidnappers who gave me some food and read me bible versus

From everyday since then I wanted to be carried away in a hearse, and you leaving only made it worse

I sat wondering if I’d ever see the light that keeps being preached to me, but not being able to tell if it was night or day made me even more gloomy

Trying to find anything in the closet thats sharp and can go right through me

After a few months of isolation my grandparents let me out, there only reason was so cops wouldn’t be called to the house

I had to enroll back in school which is exactly what I did, not knowing what to do and suffering from trauma as a kid

I was always the shy one and you knew that, without you I can’t even talk to others for 5 minutes without getting a heart attack and falling flat

Dealing with so much at school then coming home to be beaten. I was too scared to call the cops for so many reasons

A few days of school and I painted my school uniform black, it was symbolic for what I see when my parents used to break objects on my back

Because I blacked out from the pain, not that you would know, you lived a happy life day by day

Getting no sleep and being beat until sunrise, why didn’t I just die, because the lord wanted to see my demise for my crimes

I admit it, yes I fell in love with my own sister, we tried our best to keep it hidden but that doesn’t mean we need to be killed for being different

No childhood, at the park I tried to make my mark, but it was ruined when my grandma would tell the children that I will cut and gut them and hang them up like art

That’s why in all of grandmas photos the children stand far apart, all the kids together smiling and the kid in the back standing in the dark

The bullying from kids got worse as the years in school progressed, mix it with abuse and social anxiety and you get a new level of stress

Wearing black while looking like a freak made me feel like I was stronger inside, because I knew my family and the lord weren’t at my side

And I never knew why, some people are just born on this earth to be used and die

On the bright side I knew when I arrived in hell that Satan couldn’t hurt me if he tried

Suicide attempt after suicide attempt made my mind twist a bit, because even at ending my own life I was dog shit

I just wanted to quit, I didn’t care living or dead I just exist and the final straw broke when I found out that half the kids that hurt me was because my grandmother paid them for it

After a over a decade of abuse from almost everyone I knew, I ran away hopeful that I could live with you

Ya know in all of those years I prayed that you would be my rescue, that you would come through

I even tried to scare my bullies off using you, I’d say “when my sister comes, their won’t be anyone she can’t breakthrough” saying it out my bloody mouth as my eye was bloodshot red from being beaten black and blue

But you never showed, did you?

It took weeks of searching and help form police to find you

I knocked on your door hoping to be reunited in open arms, but when you answered you sounded a alarm

Called your boyfriend and told him that I was trespassing and harrasing you, did your head blow a gasket

He made me leave and all I could do is cry and weep

After all those years of your lies you still blame me

You didn’t say hi or that you were sorry, I couldn’t go back to my grandparents so i joined the army

When I passed all my medical test I thought that maybe for once I’ll have a ok year

I even got my job field of being a engineer, but what I didn’t hear is that they pick the specific job, I thought I’d spend my time in the army grinding gears

But no I spent my years trying to diffuse bombs as bullets appeared, with the slightest mistake and I wouldn’t be here

So many counties seeing the worst in every human being, as you were at home worrying about premature creation of offspring

After a few years I got charged for doing the right thing, I was charged for murder when I killed terrorist?!?

Something that is celebrated by a lot of other veterans, because I was “cruel” to the very people that kill innocents is breaking the rules

I was dishonorably discharged, no pay, no benefits

Let’s not forget the negative papers to tell any future employers that I’m mentally deficient

After all this time a few days ago you decided to show up at my house with your spouse

We tried to catch up after all this time but you acted like your memory was hazzy, and you did apologize even though it was rehearsed and lazy

But what your husband said made me go crazy

Saying that he hated that I was in the army because he has “morals”

And that even though I’ve been in combat I should be able to act normal

I may have done a lot in the military, but it opened my eyes to a world I wasn't supposed to see

Made me happy that I didn't know you

But seeing you at that table made it suck cuz you didn’t give a fuck

Still after all of these years, you still hide behind your mistakes

I tried to be passive

But your husbands mouth was massive

I don’t care you love him more than me, he had to get his ass kicked

I just thought I get this off my chest, I have to type it on tumblr because I know when it comes to ignoring my calls you try your best

You will always keep lying sis

About you being a faggot, bitch

You couldn’t even look me in the eyes to talk sis

And after all of this I could still forgive you if you talk sincerely sis

But now if I ever got the chance to ask you sis

And call you

I hope you answer

I really hope you answer

When I call

I hope you pick up your phone

I want to talk to you

Please answer

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and-i-uh · 4 years ago

Text

Quick Update on myself! Since i suddenly remembered i can actually post on tumblr skjsjsjsjs

Im not sure all that ive shared over the past six months (a lot has happened) so ill just share a general overview for my followers who care (not saying that in a bad way i just know some ppl prefer typical content over life updates).

Ive chosen the name Lionell (lion-ell), im unsure whether im keeping my middle name or last name but if i change them itll be Lionell Tobias and my current middle name will be my last name. I still go by Leo as a nickname

Im dating the person i had a crush on over the summer! We're pretty fricken happy

I came out to my family! At least my mom and sis, and my dad and stepmom, and they accept me! Prior to that i also came out to my hs friends and they accept me as well :)

Also ive been fluid over many genders, im currently in gender limbo rn tho.

My current pronouns are she/mint/they, im too lazy/forget to change them on tumblr so oops.

Honestly lmao my gender has been so all over the place please help /j

My grandfather passed away (you can say sorry but im not sad lmao)

We have a new cat! Her name is merry, bc we got her the same day my grandpa passed. Which was the monday before Christmas.

I ordered a binder, didnt fit, battled with the gc2b website and paypal and giftcards, lost that battle (no fault to anyone rly), and ended up ordering the red half-binder yesterday.

Getting a covid vaccine on Saturday, also last chapter of rwby vol 8 is then too, sad to wait a million years for the next volume

Uhhhhh fell out of talking with my dad and stepmom over an email. Im trying to patch that up but theres been no response

Got into a few discord feuds. I hate inter-community gatekeeping but okay.

Im growing out my hair again! Its about shoulder length now, whereas the summer it was very chopped

I dropped out of college! It was stressing me out way too much and I technically didnt even start, considering i skipped all my classes from october on bc of ✨assorted anxiety disorders✨

Found out i have a lazy eye and that was why ive been seeing double vision for many moons. And now i have fancy prism glasses. Yall i can walk through walmart without getting disoriented.

Discovered a new crush on top of my others. Unsure how that one will go.

Uhhhhhhhhh i think thats it! I may or may not post specific updates on these, idk tbh. If you want to know more about one you can totally send an ask in! I find it really hard to keep up with regular posts on any social media and tumblr is no different, despite how much i want to. But send in an ask and ill respond!

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ao3feed-stucky · 5 years ago

Link

by AndieFlare

They should've been using protection then - Matt thinks as he looks down at the small eight-year-old child that is apparently his son that Elektra never told him about because - fuck that - fuck that shit. Why didn't he use protection? But - he can't go back now. He was a father - and - he just - didn't know how to dad? His dad died before he reached forty and Matt - Matt breathed as he held his son - his son - someone with his abilities and Stick - he was so glad Stick was dead.

Matt wished it had been him and not Midland Circle collapsing that did it to the old fucker. Fuck this shit - and Wade - Wade is just being Wade -which is okay. And Foggy - if Foggy hand't been so accepting - Matt didn't know if he could do this own his own. Because for once in his life, Matt Murdock actually asks for help.

His son - Elektra named him Jack. And well, isn't that something.

Words: 2390, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Daredevil (TV), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Characters: Jonathan Jack Murdock (mentioned), Stick (Marvel), Margaret Murdock, May Parker (Spider-Man), Avengers Team (MCU), Foggy Nelson, Frank Castle, Elektra Natchios (mentioned), The Hand (Marvel), Happy Hogan, Pretty much everyone is here, Logan (X-Men)

Relationships: past Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchitos, Past Vanessa Carlysle/Wade Wilson, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson, Frank Castle & Matt Murdock, Matt Murdock & Claire Temple, Miles Morales & Matt Murdock & Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Wade Wilson, Original Child Characters & Matt Murdock, Matt Murdock & Avengers Team, Matt Murdock & Defenders, Matt Murdock & Jessica Jones, Matt Murdock/Foggy Nelson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Logan & Wade Wilson, Frank Castle & David "Micro" Lieberman, Logan (X-Men)/Scott Summers

Additional Tags: Not Spider-Man: Homecoming Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Season/Series 02 Compliant, Between Seasons/Series, Defenders sort of happened but it's in an Alternate Timeline, Mix of Universes, Miles Morales is yet to be spiderman, BAMF Peter Parker, Big Brother Peter Parker, Child Abuse, Stick's abuse towards matt, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Hurt Matt Murdock, Parent Matt Murdock, Foggy Nelson Is a Good Bro, Bisexual Foggy Nelson, Elektra was not a good girlfriend, Matt deserved better, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Social Anxiety, selective mutisim, Canon Disabled Character, Parenting with a Disability, references to suicidal thoughts, Families of Choice, Loss of Faith, Matt is going through a LOT, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Service Animals, Therapy, Drinking to Cope, Matt is such an emotionally constipated idiot, but we love him, and he deserves nice things, Jack - his son is such a sweetheart and he's only eight, small bby, everyone will literally kill for him, even Peter, and thats saying a lot, Coming of Age, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Jack may or may not have Autism i haven't decided or not, Feedback appreciated

#Bucky #AO3 works tagged 'James Barnes/Steve Rogers'#ao3feed #stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #c

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ao3feed-daredevil · 5 years ago

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Knocking on Devils Door

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3f6IRiw

by AndieFlare

His son - Elektra named him Jack. And well, isn't that something.

Words: 1091, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Daredevil (TV), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3f6IRiw

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #daredevil #daredevil netflix #marvel's daredevil #daredevil tv

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cactigratitudelove · 7 years ago

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Cacti, Gratitude, and Always Love.

As I write this I find myself filled with so many emotions that I can hardly figure out what I want to get out or what I want to say. Do I even want to say anything any more? Do I even feel anything matters anymore? When I created this page specifically to start a blog about my last year in Tucson, I created it with the intent of fulfilling out my AZ/Tucson Bucket list while also spreading the love I have for Tucson and its community. It was before my last few markets of the season, after I decided to get a newsletter going for my website and then before I left last week for my AZ camping trip to the Grand Canyon, Antelope Canyon, Horseshoe Bend, then solo dispersed camping in Flagstaff and Sedona. I figured I’d have this great time to finally get some nature, breathe, step back and figure out my next steps in Tucson before I leave to NYC next spring.

My nine year old nephew passed away suddenly wednesday night.

What was life like before this nightmare I find myself currently in?

Before all this, I was going through eight months of sobriety from Alcohol, trying to find spiritual guidance, dealing with financial issues, trying to adult as much as I could while also trying to find balance with family and friends. I realized I was being a hermit as well. I am not known for being a hermit. The Adela I know is social and doesn't let fear stop her. Fear of being financially stuck, fear of taking on work and then not get paid like I have experienced twice this year aleady, both by local companies in the community I really enjoyed and believed in. I noticed I was also supplementing food in place of binge drinking. I binge(d) on food, Netflix and somehow still kept doing the work towards goals knowing things would get better if only I was more focused on work and less on myself. Or maybe less on work and more on myself. I’ve done sobriety before, why is it so much harder this time around? I stopped going out. I decided to continue not dating since being back in Tucson from my Alaska summer. (This was more so that I can find balance within myself again). I found myself hustling like I do. Trying to create and get paid for it. Taking on as much as I could to pay the bills while also picking up shifts at the bar. It might seem like I have my shit together from the outside but on the inside I have no idea wtf I am doing. I’m just trying to learn as much as I can from other people that are doing what I want to do but I keep finding myself lost, stuck and then fear takes over. Tucson has been wonderful to me so I of course feel the guilt that if I leave, I leave my home, support system and friends. I’ll leave a place I am passionate about and yet if I don't leave I’ll never be able to financially support myself in the arts the way I want to. I keep thinking, “Someday, if I can just get enough regular clients, creative work and income to pay the bills, keep a roof over my head with clothes and to travel on a frugal budget to support my inspiration for the work I do then I will have made it.” This is what success would mean for me. No fancy cars, no condo or property, not even a love of my life by my side. I just want to be able to support myself and my dreams in the most minimal way without financial stress.

These were all my concerns, fears, and selfish thoughts before I found myself here.

On Monday May 21st, I and my family buried my nine year old nephew. The Wednesday before he had been playing, enjoying life until he no longer was and left this world in a way I can't help but hurt for him. I can't imagine what those last moments were like but I would hope that he knew that he was loved. Braxton was loved so much. Hearing the news while I was in Page, AZ I still couldn't grasp what had happened. I kept thinking that I would wake up. That I was still in my shitty sleep and life would be okay again. Life is not okay and it won't be. Not now anyway. On my trip back from Page, Thursday after I heard the news from his Tia who was at the hospital the night before, I kept thinking of ways I can do my part to help my family, the guilt I had for not seeing him as often as I wanted to, or even just sometimes brushed off and thought I’d just see him another time when I am not as busy. The last time I saw him was on his birthday in February. Its been killing me that it wasn't sooner. A seven-ish hour trip back home. A seven-ish hour trip of mindfuck, “If only I had a car to pick him up when I wanted. If I had stopped taking on too many things I could have seen him more. I should have been more patient with him. I should have been more present with him. I never got to take him out on a one on one outing that I wanted with him. I didn’t get to say goodbye or that I loved him since his birthday. I should have...” Everything else went out the window. I needed to be there for my sister, my mom and the rest of this family and his. I needed to be strong. To put in the work where I was needed. And thats what I did. My back from the trip ‘To Do’ list went from emailing clients to emailing a best friend to proof read a child’s obituary. I created the Prayer card, obituary, and helped type up a eulogy for my sister, his Auntie to read. I helped pick out his flowers and clothes for the funeral. These tasks are unlike any other.

The heartbreak, anxiety, sadness, loss is truly unlike any feelings I have ever felt in the 31 years of being on this earth. You expect death to happen but you don't expect it to happen to a child. Your own nephew, grandson, brother or son. God didn’t give us time to accept this. Didn’t give us time to process this. He was taken from us. Just like that.

Mi familia is a big family. I have seven siblings. Five of them have kids. Four of their kids have kids. And that’s just within the immediate family. If there is one thing that god was showing us, is that this family is strong. This family is everything to one another. This family comes through when the time comes. This is the first our hearts have been broken in such a way. My sister’s son was like a son to all five sisters. We all had our love and stories to share. We all set our differences aside and showed all the support and love. My sister lost her son, we may never know that exact pain but we do know that we love her to the moon and back. She is everything to this family. We all are everything to this family and I saw that clearly this week.

Braxton’s support system is not only through immediate family (His Dad and dad’s family is also just as loving and supportive) but also through the community. There’s a GoFundMe page created for his funeral starting at $9,000 and it raised over $11,000 and still going. I reached out to the community on FB and even found that my own friends and friends of friends in Tucson, Florida, California, etc gave what they could in support of this family. My best friends, co-workers and even the lady at Fed-Ex whom printed the obituary, cards and photos were all super supportive in ways I didn't know I or my family needed. And for this I find myself with more gratitude in life than I have ever thought I did. I am so grateful and appreciate every single text, comment, call, and hug. My love for the Tucson community and online community will always be great.

Throughout the most difficult time I have ever experienced, I didn’t drink. I wanted to be sober and present (although I felt zombie-like). At the service I mentioned to one of my sister’s, “This, right here is the moment I want a bottle of vodka. I big fucking bottle of vodka. No other time, just right now.” I had seen my nephew and said good bye. He was so cool and stylish with his cute outfit we picked out for him with the Avengers t-shirt showing through his dress shirt. I wanted him to wake. I wanted him to just be sleeping. I wanted him to call me the face painting lady again. I also wanted to drown this away with a bottle. I wanted to join others and partake in numbing the pain. But I knew that black outs weren't the only reason I become sober nine months prior. I wanted to be a better person for myself and for others. My best self for my family and friends. For my munchkins. I wanted my nieces and nephews to see their independent, hustling, Tia sober and some day go on adventures with. To be an example for them. To know and share the struggle for them so they wouldn't have too. To be a good example, a mentor, a supportive friend. The only way I can be those things is if I abstain from alcohol.

My landlord sent me a text the morning of the funeral with a photo of a blooming Queen of the Night Cacti. Just one that bloomed in the night. With the photo the text read, “The Casita had a visitor last night... your nephew came by to tell you he is ok. I also saw a palomita underneath the flower...” My favorite cacti flower. It blooms at night and only lasts through the morning. I miss you Braxton. I miss you so much and love you, always.

This blog will be as I intended it to be but it will also not be the same as I thought it to be. I am not the same I thought I’d be driving back home to Tucson this week. I do not have the same heart I once did. My family, my sister, my ex-brother in-law, and nieces, sisters of Braxton will never be the same. The world, to me, will never be the same again. I hurt and I know I will need to get back to work and life because I am sure it carries on just the same but today, right now nothing matters to me except my thoughts of missing him and wishing I had more time.

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brokenhayatim · 4 years ago

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exhale

idk how long this is gonna be but it goes a little something like this. you ever been so afraid of failing that you just procrastinate and avoid for so long? each day you tell yourself you’ll finally suck it up and push through but the fear and anxiety are almost so paralyzing you don’t even wanna go near the task.

i’s just been months..like maybe even five at this rate. i tell myself to start the clock the day i graduated but i know the truth. the last year-ish was my idkwhatimdoingwithmylifeohmygod era and i just thought i passed it with a bit more advice and options. but it’s like it was all almost pretty bubbles and they just popped so long ago that i’m lost and confused and afraid and nervous and all of that is so ridiculous, it embarrasses me. i’m not really that lazy but i say it to try and explain alot, i think. or i say that i’m just relaxing or something, when i know everyday my thoughts are always on this same thing and never being good enough to get through the rut. it wasnt till i was on a walk, voice memo-ing a friend and the anxiety just peeked through a bit and i was hearing my own thoughts aloud like ....thats true? and i’m told to not be afraid and to just let whatever happens happen if it’s best for me and i know that but i also dont?

everyday i constantly think about deleting every single social media app i’m on bc i feel this heavy weight of uselessness and incompetence. why couldn’t i have learned things like this person or been more out there like that person?what’s wrong with me? and i begin to rationalize it with my childhood and how i was raised and it never is fulfilling. it’s constantly not enough, nothing about me is. i’m not creative at all and what i can do, so many can do better and so why would anyone actually pick me? even the things and issues i’m passionate about, what do i really know? even my knowledge seems so below average and it’s confusing and stressful. i feel like if someone asked me a question about anything right now that i’ve just forgotten everything important and couldn’t even articulate a proper response. and i wanted to be an activist??? since i have to interview for jobs online now bc the pandemic it’s made me so nervous. i feel most in my element during in person interviews and i say that as someone that’s also awkward and nervous in the room. but i’m more anxious of the constant string of rejections i know i’m gonna receive now bc i can barely speak english and there’s nothing special about me at all. at least in person, i can smile and make it less weird. and i connect so much better that way, which loosens me up .000009% more. it’s really babyish i guess bc everyone is adjusting and i’m just not. and i thought i was with everything but i guess i really wasnt. and coming home everytime makes me fall back into this person i dont like ad i get so sluggish (my sister says its the trauma) and i dont know bc one day she’s waking up in florida and being a good semi productive human and the next she’s back in new york and its many low days and nerves. honestly the way this house sucks the life out of me, i dont even think i’d be good at any remote job. it’s kinda the reason half my brain is pushing the dead part bc i want to leave. be more self-sufficient and alone again. but where and how, you know? obvs im gonna need a job for that. it’s just this domino effect and i’m scared to push the first one and it’s annoying and i hate it goddaammit. the moment i came home, i just have always felt unworthy and other to my family. like they don;t care, like they’re not proud, like i’ve done nothing these past years and that’s my fault for not being an open book like the rest.

i’m gonna have to edit this bc i will not remember 87 months worth of pandemic thoughts into this post right now but. i tell myself i came home and decided to take a break for a bit, or focused on my health and appointments, but really..i dont know. i think i say it to justify all these hollow days of disappointment, which it never does. i’m afraid to ask for help or even a nice job recommendation from my last employer bc all i can think about is that it’s been months and what have i been doing this whole time? and i think they’ll ask that or think ??? now ??? and i get in my head. i know its not illogical and the worst anyone can say is no and yada yada but ugh this is why i hate my mind and just overthinking ... or not thinking?? who knows. i’m constantly letting myself down but .., i dont want anyone to know that. does that make sense. maybe i have this need to be superficial and make my life seem so nice and good and right bc i never see myself as that and i worry of people’s opinions and crave affirmations.

the first appt i had coming home was my neurosurgeon one and my dad and him sort of just had this rushed timeline in their heads of how i would go into the ER one day soon and bam its done. i didnt wanna think about that so i tried to focus on my job stuff .. then got stressed so i just started scheduling the appointments i needed. then stopped and did more work stuff. then the secretary called me like ???? u havent done these exams yet and i was like yeah uhhh. bc when i do them it’s one step closer to doing the surgery and i know i want the surgery i’m just getting in my head again and don’t want it to be now. my sister told me to make sure i let her know when i choose a date and i was like mhm i wanna finish the job stuff and get my life sorted first and she was just ???? what ?? this is clearly more important. but here’s the kicker. i went on a walk the other day and just cried coming to terms with it all bc honestly i still dream of not making it out alive and a part of me thinks, at least if i did this one thing right and found a job and all that, that it would okay what happens next. like at least i was successful in that one thing. i think about how unworthy and unproud i am of myself and for months now, just felt like this would be a beautifully cowardice way out. and i think about the after, and cant even imagine strong devastation and sorrow. is that strange? like i expect everyone to just go on. bc i’m a simple buffer with no real purpose left. i walk and think about dreams and hopes and what i would miss and just one thing that make me call this entire fantasy completely insane and i just draw blank. so i cry because, of course. this fantasy isn’t new either, since last year i’ve been speaking to my therapist and writing about it. we would speak of suicide and i always respond like that’s a huge no bc of my religion but i say, i think about if something went wrong and that was it, how i want it to be like that. take the pressure, take the blame, take it all off me in a way. and some days i’m scared that i’ll wake up in the hospital bed after and be in pain and coddled and annoyed by the attention i’m only getting bc of that pain. and i dont want you to be here just because of the pain but i feel like you’re here only because of that. that you came, that you’re seeing me, that you care only because of it. so what am i without it? just back to nothing? the headaches were lonely but i feel less lonely with this diagnosis, like i have something good about me, worthy about me. something that makes me important to someone, even if it’s the neurologist that wants my money. to be real, i dont even think i care about the pain leaving as much as the fact that i can’t label myself as this person with chronic pain. like even if i was cured and oo lala all better, a part of me would still want to have this neuro condition. like ?? i was thinking: imagine beating cancer and feeling better but wanting to say .. and then realized the key difference. with that you survive, you are survivor. even if it’s gone that who you are. when this leaves me, i’m nothing and i’ll just go back to being nothing. no one says u survived brain surgery or survived a brain condition. it’s just done and forgotten. there’s nothing exciting about my life other than my mri visits i swear. i decided to do the surgery bc it would be stupid of me not to, and i’m still holding back, still unsure of even a set month. i just know i didnt want to follow covid rules of 1 visitor bc i know it would be one of my parents and i would jump out the window myself. but covid isnt rlly going away so is that the best excuse i have? i havent thought past these appointments and its almost like im doing it all for the wrong reasons, like enjoying it rather than wanting it to help me. i dont know.

unrelated but a song that always makes me cry and is actually the song i was listening to when i had that panic attack on the plane: finally by james arthur around 2:30. always brings out the hollowness in me hm.

**** i’m coming back to this but i got all my plaguing thoughts outish so

#asiya's thoughts

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thetrashthatsmilesback · 8 years ago

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Friendly Reminder That Jared is 3 - Dimensional

But that doesn't mean his insecurities excuse his acting like an ass for over half the play. There is a difference between his insecurities explaining his behavior and his insecurities excusing his behavior. Some things we know are definite about Jared are: 1) he's extremely insecure 2) he takes those insecurities out on Evan 3) he does have camp friends but they don't hang out with them (I'll explain why I think this below) 4) he gets drunk a lot 5) his parents don't pay attention to him That is all we have definite from the script/bootleg/show. I wish we could somehow get our hands on the song he was supposed to have that was taken out, but so far I've yet to find it. (If someone does, please feel free to link me) Now, I do actually believe that Jared has other friends than Evan. I do also believe that they don't hang out with them. As much as it sucks, most of the time when people who struggle socially (cough me cough, chough these are based on my experiences cough) they will make "friends" who are really more aquaintences. You become attached to this person who talks to you and you convince yourself that they like you. They not always do. I believe this is what Jared's "other friends" actually are - people he talks to every now and then/while at camp but who have other friends who they genuinely like. He's their insurance, the person they call as the last possible resort. His parents I feel do care about him, but he lies to them so often they don't realize how much he's struggling. I don't think he handles stress well, he throughout the show, tries to reach out, but the more stress he's under the meaner his one liners get. It's probable that his parents just think he's going through a phase of being a dick rather than him actually needing help. Now, we can't say for sure if he has high functioning depression or anxiety, but we definitely can say that he's struggling emotionally. I personally related to Jared and (the real) Connor the most out of every one in the show. (The real) Connor had the same constant paranoia that everyone is out to get him and the angry outbursts that cause him to be violent, and Jared had the whole joking to hide pain. Based off of this, I do believe he may have high functioning depression that has gone undiagnosed. (This post is way longer than I meant for it to be, and I'm on mobile so please mind any mistakes.) Now, back to his parents, they genuinely don't know their son. I have a feeling they know few of his interests, and likely when he was young would tell him no one cared/they had more important things to talk about. My family has done that for years, and as such I didn't tell them I liked manga or comic books or how I would go in my room and download videogames off of sketchy ass sites. Jared likely is similar to that. After years of hearing "we have more important things to discuss" he probably learned to hide his interests from them. Now, I don't actually think Jared means to be a bad friend. Throughout the show we see him trying to get closer to Evan through all of the Murphy stuff going on. I think that he actually wants Evan to think he's trying. This however does not change the fact that he made Evan pay for the emails, made fun of him - likely for years - and convinced him that they weren't friends. Jared is a distancer (I made that word up but just take it.) He doesn't want people to see how he really feels, and he likely has serious trust issues. We know very little about his family. All that we know is that he's Jewish, his parents don't monitor their wine cellar, and they're reletively well off. That's... It. This could be placed on the fact that he's not a main character and doesn't need his family described in detail, but it also could be because he hides everything. Everything we know about Jared is shit he tells Evan. When he mentions that he never tells his parents anything true, Evan looks slightly concerned but not too shocked. You could place his concerned look on his anxiety over meeting the Murphys. This is likely something Evan has heard from Jared before. Hell, it's likely something that he's known for a while. Almost everything Jared says in the show drives home that he lies more than he tells the truth. We know for a fact that Evan is a compulsive liar, but we might actually have proof that Jared is as well. (Before anyone attacks me, I personally am a compulsive liar who saw myself in Jared, thats where I'm getting this from.) Over all, Jared is extremely complex, but also shrouded in mystery. Not quite as much as Connor, but you do have to take everything he says and look for a double meaning. We have to take all of his complexity, but also realize that there is no "excuse" for essentially bullying Evan, only explanations. Man this was one big ramble. Sorry.

#jared kleinman #DEH #dear evan hansen #I almost wrote about one sided kleinsen #that's a post for a different day #soon though #as soon as my laptop is fixed #I personally love one sided kleinsen #so I want to write about it

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mquintella20ahs-blog · 5 years ago

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Toddler Years (ages 1-2)

Stella and I have greatly enjoyed the next two years of her life, while also enduring some difficult milestones as well. Some things that were hard for the two us was her teething. Stella’s gums were so swollen and she was uncomfortable and cranky. Theses actions in turn made me have a difficult time being patient with her and remembering the pain that she was going through during this time. It was really exciting when Stella finally slept through the night. I started sleep training her pretty early because I needed to get back on a regular schedule so I could continue to work and support our family. It was so exciting when she started walking, but I had to by some much stuff to baby proof the house. I had no idea how many things were hazardous. It also became stressful because she started crawling out of her crib and I could not keep her in there. Stella’s favorite toy is a giraffe she loves to cuddle with, she takes it everywhere. She also loves this blanket that I have had since I was a baby. Stella’s first word was dada which kinda upset me because he is not in the picture, but thats ok because she started saying mama and when she turned two she became really good at telegraphic speech. Me and Stella have definitely had some yelling exchanged between us due to her excessive need for routine. That girl could not have things done not her way. Stella and I went on a lot of playdates so that i could socialize her as much as possible. At first I was somewhat concerned because she wasn’t really playing with the other toddlers. but then I did some research and I found that that is normal for children her age, it is called parallel play.

I had to make a lot of decisions as a parent during this time in Stella’s life because she was just growing so much and developing into such an individual. One thing I had to decide upon was how to help her develop her motor skills and just help her to get smarter. I did some research on what helps to stimulate her brain which included puzzles and coloring. One thing that worried me was how early to start stimulating her and doing activities that were geared towards learning. I learned that it was not beneficial to use technology and that I shouldn’t start until she could really retain information instead of just learning and forgetting. I also struggled with staying patient with her when she threw tantrums. At first I became really frustrated because they were so aggressive and I didn’t understand why she did that. After I finally hit a wall with her tantrums, I learned that it was because she lacked the words to express herself. Learning this information really helped me to stay patient with her and work with Stella to figure out what she was trying to tell me. I really tried to understand that her tantrums were just her working to express herself. Lastly, I had a hard time figuring out how to parent her about cleaning up messes and not necessarily being responsible, but just following rules I guess. I wasn’t sure if I should find a way to teach her to pick up after herself or just accept that Stella’s brain didn’t really have the capacity for that yet and just clean up after her. I decided in the end that I would do a mixture, where sometimes I would ask Stella to help me clean up and praise her when she did, and other times I would just let her do her thing and play and be a toddler.

https://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/toddler-tantrums

When I learned that Stella had a sever nut allergy, I was terrified and it gave me a lot of anxiety because she became so vulnerable to the world and I couldn’t control it all the time, especially when she was at daycare and soon preschool. The first thing I did was get her epinephrine pens to always have on hand and provide the daycare with some in case she did have an allergic reaction when I wasn’t there. I also, did some research on what to do with the daycare to prepare for her allergy. The research I did told me that the daycare should be trained to handle things like this and prevent from having the offending food present in the daycare. On the other hand it was my job to develop a health care plan with the staff such as informing them of the foods Stella is allergic too and letting them know how severe the allergy is so they can take proper precautions when she is present at the daycare.

http://asthmaandallergies.org/food-allergies/food-allergies-in-childcare/

This is me and Stella reading her favorite book at the moment, You Are my Sunshine. She makes me read it to her every day. While I am sick of it she continues to love it and I love that her brain is being stimulated so I put up with the torture.

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grcy-blog1 · 6 years ago

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⌈ kim taehyung, cismale, he/him ⌋ hey, is it GRAY SIWOO that you’re looking for? you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old STUDENT. typically i see them hanging around ROAST CAFE so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in SAUGATUCK RESIDENTIAL for HIS WHOLE LIFE. gristol wouldn’t the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of ripped jeans, colorful retro sunglasses, painted nails.

some quick info:

full name: gray siwoo

age: 21

date of birth: june 10

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

orientation: bisexual

occupation: student

allergies: peanut

zodiac sign: gemini

ok so gray was born and raised in gristol by his parents. his mom moved very young from korea to study abroad ( law more specifically ) and decided to stay when she met his father ( politics major ) and the two of them fell quickly and deeply at a very young age. however her family didn’t agree to it so she decided to cut them off even though she was very attached to them, so gray doesn’t know his family on his mother’s side at all. never spoke to them, don’t know what they look like, anything.

she didn’t come from a wealthy family but his father did! once gray’s grandfather passed away his father being the only son took over their real estate brokerage business, making their lives way too easy. despite having her degree, his mom decide to dedicate herself to her family only and her kids, spoiling him rotten and giving literally everything he wants. gray could pretty much get away with everything if he pouts, which has helped him into his selfish and manipulative behaviors where he needs to get what he wants one way or another.

however, in order to shape him into a decent human he could get anything he wantedin his parents terms. he wasn’t handed everything, his dad was very rigid about that. instead he had to work for it. do chores around the house, get good grades, that kinda thing. that really shaped him into a working man dhsuidfh ( even though most of the time his mom would let him off said chores )

TW DEATH

his mom was the sweet one in the house, but when gray was around 12 his mom fell sick and they discovered that she had leukemia and gray watched as his mom was no longer her best-self and never left her side to her last breath. his father was never a very loving type of father and often times he wanted to protect gray from seeing his mom that way but even at 12 years old gray was very mature and refused to let his father take away his time with his mom. the day she passed away was the day gray disconnected from his father completely, he blames him for her death and refuses to believe that now they can have a relationship when he spent so much time busy with work and away from them. gray still suffers a lot with her death but he never lets it show, not wanting to be vulnerable around others and doesn’t really want to worry his sister more than he already does.

he tries to not let the sadness and all the negative feelings take over him, figuring that his mom would want him to be kind and respectful to others like she was. he misses her dearly, she was his everything.

END OF TW

his dad has been the MAYOR of gristol for a couple years now, still a couple to go and will probably run again. gray thinks it’s hilarious that he can’t even take care of their house, how could he handle a whole town? but doesn’t say anything, in fact he takes advantage of his dad’s title to do whatever TF HE WANTS

his dad is also lowkey a homophobic and is that type who sees two guys kissing and public and cringes and comments about how its an indecency but wont do the same for the straight couples lol so gray prefers to hide that he kisses boys too from him but for everyone else he is out n proud ok

at school gray was always kind of popular, he had his group of friends of course but he was naturally very social. he liked to talk and make people laugh and that continues through this day. he’s very sarcastic too which can be funny and because he’s a gemini he has those mood swings so pls be patient, sometimes he’ll be funny and cheerful and sometimes he’ll lock himself in his room for days without explanation

he was always very into music and was classic trained since he was a kid. that was very important to his parents. he can play piano, guitar, he can sing but he doesn’t think he can so he avoids the whole thing, loves playing though, especially the piano. catch him randomly playing just because at 6 am to wake up everyone because he’s THAT annoying lmao

his father demands a lot out of both him and expects him to be the perfect son and beCAUSE of that he goes against everything his dad wants. he wanted gray to attend politics school as well so he could be like him but gray decided to take arts instead, which he loves btw - he’s very artsy and loves to paint, draw, do some digital art and all that

he’s not a very big spender thankfully ( except w clothes tho ) , he likes to save his money even though thats never really lacked in his family. he has plans of eventually leaving his father’s house and moving somewhere else away from him, the only reason why he hasn’t yet is hana. he can’t leave her. he’s simple, but likes to dress well and is obsessed with technology, he always has to have the newest phones, notebooks, watches, video games etc

very addicted to his phone and social media, instagram specially, in fact he likes to posts his art content and everything he does in there, updates his story all the goddamn time, i’d say he has a big following bc homeboy has a pretty face

a little bit of a hoe not going to lie, he’s very flirty and loves seeing his charm work on people, he tends to not let it go very far unless he feels very attracted to the person, he’s not the type to go fuck randoms and all that, he needs to have some type of connection before he gets intimate with someone

he can be a little hesitant to get close to people because he has major trust issues but once u get him talking there’s really no way to stop him, loves to roast and tease people just to be cute, he likes attention

a gentleman, he’s the real boyfriend material. he will open the door for you, carry your bags, carry yOU if you say you’re tired, go out of his way to make sure you’re comfortable, he’s your servant feel free to abuse it

however there are times where he snaps out of nowhere or just wants to be alone and is mean all suddenly but after will act like nothing has happened lmao

EXTREMELY affectionate, likes to touch hold hands hug kiss, he likes it when people play with his hair but all of that only applies to people he’s comfortable with, if you don’t know him well don’t touch him

[ anxiety tw ] he suffers w anxiety a lot due to his mom and stress and fighting w his father, sometimes he disappears and that’s when he’s having a crisis. he has panic attacks when its at its peak and he works out a lot and does yoga and all that as well as taking medication to keep it all at balance for his own sake [ end of anxiety tw ]

tries to eat healthy and watches what he eats a lot, he used to be chubby for a bit as a kid and that pushed him to work on himself which also makes him a little insecure about his body and his appearance. it’s still a little hard for him to believe that someone could be attracted to him and it’s also hard for him to just take a compliment without turning it into a joke.

neat freak, likes everything organized and clean and will freak out if you come over and mess up his room or go through his things

has terrible luck with relationships but never says no to love, tbh he’s a hopeless romantic and loves the chase. loves to gossip and he’s a bit shady when he doesn’t like someone ( which is not often this boy has a heart of gold ) fiughduf

omg i tried to keep this short and failed miserably

here’s some possible connections but i’m always up for anything

friends, ex-friends, enemies

someone who pretends to like him but actually talks shit about him behind his back

exes in good terms, exes in bad terms, there can be a few exes fjfgsdfhf

some sort of toxic relationship where they’re playing w each others feelings

flirtationship

someone he has a crush on but the other doesn’t or vice versa

a best friend, give him some bros pls

A CHILDHOOD best friend pls i love those

cousins, neighbors etc

party friends

iDK class mates

family friends

will they won’t they type thing

first kiss, first times etc

ENEMIES, people who just dislike him for any reason

someone who used to be friends w him but for whatever reason they have stopped talking ( perhaps a fight ) and now it’s either awkward as hell or they’re on their way to working things out

hook ups, friends w benefits etc

someone that likes fashion a lot too so they can go shopping together

work out buddy lets go

someone that likes his content on insta and knows him from there iDK

idk i’ll think of more later i swear

hit me up for plots love yall im excitED

#gristolintro #me being messy as always love me anyways pls n thanks

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theprincessserenity · 8 years ago

Text

I love you all

I’m kind of new to Tumblr. I thought it would be a good Idea to catalog everything that happened at RTX and my life changing experience at the 2nd RWBY Panel. My name is Serenity, Serena for short. And I had the greatest day when the people I idolized and admired gave me a hug after I told them my story...and what followed after will be with me for the rest of my life. I love you guys...if its TLDR just skip to Day 3.

Day 1

This was the hardest day for me, I have some pretty bad social anxiety to the point its hard for me to go grocery shopping alone. So being among a bunch of strangers and I mean tons of strangers was pretty terrifying. The lines were agonizing, we waited for almost 3 hours to get into the expo hall. I made small chat when I could with a girl next to me who was dressed as a baseball player and a girl who had purple hair who is a Yang cosplayer named Lydia. I stuck to my room mate and his friends like I was their shadow cause I didnt want to get left alone. They knew how important it was for me, I wanted to meet Arryn and Barbara and tell them how much they mean to me and how much the characters they play mean to me. I met a friend I made on facebook who was cosplaying as Ruby (She is so cute). I got a few compliments cause I was wearing my “Bitches love Canons” T-shirt. My room mate suddenly grabbed me and pointed to the side and there basically all alone and walking through the Expo was Lindsay. I bee lined towards her, and no one was around and I just went. “A-Are you who I think you are?” And she said “Yep!” She signed one of my favorite Ruby images I printed out and took a picture with me. I asked her if I could do my Ruby impression which I am pretty good at and she told me to go for it so “Yaaaaaaaaaang”. Throughout the convention I took a lot of pictures of great cosplayers, I really admire cosplayers being able to do that and it looks so much fun. I also found a guy that works for RTX who responded to my email inquiry with a rather heartfelt response...I told him I would try to find him and give him a hug. Low and behold the first person I ask was him and I just threw my arms open, he was pretty excited and so was I. At one point I got separated from my room mate and his friends and started to panic. I went outside and just found a spot to huddle down in the shade and started desperately texting. I have a tendency to look down and avoid eye contact with anyone when things get overwhelming. Thankfully one of my room mates friends who I find really reliable came and found me and rallied the others so we could go back to the hotel room and eat. After that I just decompressed...had a few drinks at the empty bar at the hotel room with my room mates reliable friend. After that he told me to come out with him to meet up with some other people from the con that wanted to hit a bar and relieve “Line Stress”. I was kind of apprehensive about it cause I prefer quiet places with barely any people. Buuuut after the few drinks I had I was feeling loose so..why the hell not. I met up with TK and Melissa...two amazing people. I got plastered, I had so much liquid courage and with Melissa with me she and I were just doing whatever was fun. We talked and I poured my heart out about how much I would love to meet Arryn and Barbara and tell them how much they mean to me. I got so plastered...yet I was just talking to random guys from the Con without any problems who gathered around our Jenga game. I even did my Cinder impression. After a wonderful night I road some sorta gondola thing back to the hotel...I was so drunk I totally spent 45$ for it instead of 10$ for an Uber.

Day 2

Hangover city, but something about last night...Melissa and I had poured our souls out to each other in alcoholic fassion. I felt really good and comfortable. Today I was able to traverse the con without any problems. I took more pictures of Cosplayers and fangirled out to a 2B cosplayer (I love Nier). Bought a bunch of shirts but I had one killer headache. Lydia came and found me and showed off her Yang cosplay...which was awesome and did a Bumbleby pose with me and her friend took pictures for me. I tried to go to the signing panel to hopefully wait in line and meet Arryn but they would not let anyone in unless they had an Autograph code...and they filled up before I could redeem mine. I was pretty upset after that. That plus a killer hangover pretty much killed my aspirations to do anything the rest of the day...I went back to the hotel room and just laid in the bed and took some headacke medicine. The one good thing about the day...MORE METAL DETECTORS AND LESS LINE WAITS. The roomie and friends went out drinking again but I passed and stayed at the hotel to nurse my migrane.

Day 3

This was my last chance. I got up early left the hotel room and got and Uber all by myself. Went to the convention and B-lined for the Ruby panel and managed to get a seat near the microphone. Everything was great I am totally buying box of pumpkin petes. The moment they said “We’re going to open up for Q-” Anything that was said after that wasnt heard because I had severe tunnel vision. I was out of my seat following the two guys that I sat next to. I managed to get in line but at this point I started panicking. So I just picked a spot on the floor and looked at it. Every time I looked up and saw my face on the screen I thought I looked horrible and quickly looked down again. I felt sorry for the guy I sat near that brought his RWBY fan video thing and was told to give it to the guardian. Everyone was crammed in real tight and it was sort of an uncomfortable situation. I felt really bad for the guy who asked for an autograph for his sword. Ok so, dont ask for autographs. Then it was my turn, I was absolutely terrified. I wanted to make it short and quick for the people behind me so they can have a turn. The original thing was going to be: “I love you guys and I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. When I came out I was basically abandoned by my family and my brother threatened to beat me up if I ever went near his children. There are three things that bring light into my life: Thats my friends who have become my family, My boyfriend (Who introduced me to RWBY BTW), and RWBY. Barbara, Yang means a lot to me because she has the confidence I dont have, I want to be like her. And Blake means the world to me because I know what its like to be discriminated against because of what you are, and not who you are. I love you all an I look forward to seeing more RWBY in the future” bow...exit stage left...thats not how it went down. I got as far as Barbara...I saw Miles get up and run down the isle and I lost my shit. Miles ran up to me and hugged me and its really hard for me to remember what he said cause I was just so shocked. I think it was something like “You are a beautiful wonderful person and we love you” and then all the sudden I feel more arms around me and I look up and its OMFG Arryn and Lindsay. I rememer hearing Arryn say “Wow her nails are really cute” And I just remember whispering repeatedly “Thank you so much” to Miles. Then Arryn came in for a hug and I just died. I wish I could remember what she said, but I was just so shocked...I think she said “You are a beautiful person” but I just kept saying “Thank you so much, I love you, you mean so much to me” And then Lindsay came up and I was like “Oh Hi again” and kind of smiled a bit and gave her a hug. Then I could hear Vic asking for my name. So I said Serena...but that came out all squeeky so I said it again. And then there was a moment where nothing was happening so I was like. Should I continue speaking or what?...I was not registering So being just an absolute wreck I was like “So Blake means” and that was just shattered by the very gentle voice of Vic. “Look around this room cause you are surrounded by thousands of friends” I was just...so happy...hearing the applause...I tried to look around so it was like...People clapping and cheering...floor...people clapping and cheering...floor...and then there was a pause. And I asked “Do I continue?” and then just turned and spoke “I just wanted to say that Blake means a lot to me because I know whats its like to be discriminated against based off of what you are and not who you are. And Barbara (Meant to say Yang but I was a total mess) means so much to me because she represents the self esteem and confidence I wish I had” and I just had to stop because I started losing it. So looking at the floor again. I heard Barbara said she was coming down...more hugs...more hugs. And then I look up and Barbara! Again it was really hard for me to remember everything specifically cause I was in such shock that this was really happening. She said something akin to “You are a beautiful and amazing person and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. You had the confidence to tell everyone your story” Or something like that...god I wish I could remember but it was just so surreal. I thought Barbara would get a kick out of the Image I had on my Binder and she laughed. Miles gave me another hug and said more wonderful things and I asked him “I know I am asking too much and you guys are busy, can I get you guys to autograph this?..Maybe later?” (Afterwards I felt really petty and bad about asking for this after they gave me such amazing hugs and an experience I will never forget I guess I was just trying to have something to remember the moment) and he said “I’m really sorry, we’re all really busy right now but I will autograph something for you real quick” and he signed my camp camp flag. So I returned to my seat and just...kind of stared at the floor. I was trying to calm down. Everything else that was going on around me was just a blur, then all the sudden I hear Barbara “Serena where are you girl?” So I looked up from the floor and raised my hand and she brought me a YANG FIGURE THEY ALL AUTOGRAPHED. ( Image 1 Image 2 ) and I was just smiling and sort of in a cave woman mode. I didnt even realized it was signed I was like “S-S-Sign?” (Again felt really petty and bad for that but...I was not functioning in the brain properly at the time) and she just pointed at it and I looked down. Whabam...they had all signed it...I was dead “Thank you so much, thank you so much” was really the only thing I could make out and she went back to the panel. It all just came out...I was crying and my hands were shaking...everything after that was just a blur.

After the Panel (THIS IS AMAZING)

People were filing out and I was just sitting there crying. My friend who I met on facebook and meeted up with at the convention who was cosplaying as Ruby came and sat next to me. She had tears in her eyes and she just hugged me “You did it!” and we just sat there hugging and crying. I looked up and standing there oh so patiently waiting for us to finish our moment was Chivy Oum. The tears came again I said “Oh my god its you. I was looking for you the other day” and I just moved in to hug him. I told him. “I know what its like to lose someone, I lost my sister. I really feel for you. I love you so much” (I lost my older sister in an accident when I was 13). And he just spoke in a calm voice. “If Monty was here he would have loved hearing what you said, he would have loved this” And I just cried my eyes out. Eventually we parted and I just hugged him a bunch more...then sat and hugged and cried with Ruby again. A few people just came up and hugged me, said wonderful things. A guy came up with a foam replica of Gambol shroud and said “This was the last one they had, you deserve this” and he just gave it to me. I was just smiling and just so emotional I hugged him. Then a guy in a grim mask with a cane scared us...cause he came out of my periph. He quickly took off the mask and said he was sorry and took off the mask and hugged me and said what I did was very brave. At this point a Guardian came in and said we had to get out and I walked and talked with Ruby. On the way out I was hugged by a few more people who said nice things and at this point I just had to calm down and find a nice quiet place. On the way out I got approached by a person who said “I don’t normally give hugs but you deserve one” and she hugged me. For every hug..I always said thank you. I finally made it outside and sat down and just decompressed. Some time after an older woman who was cosplaying as Kali came outside and sat next to me. And she told me how she is a mother and she loves and supports her son no matter what and she cannot fathom how my family cannot. And we just talked and talked and shared stories. I felt so calm and relaxed around her...and she gave me a cigarette (I needed one, but I RARELY smoke). We had a long talk about our lives and things like that and we exchanged contact information. After calming down a bit I went back inside and one after the other there was a person there to give me a hug and tell me that I’m part of the family now. People told me that I am brave, people told me how touched they were by what I said. Some people asked if I wanted to go to the quiet room with them but on the way there I got stopped by a guy who asked me for my autograph. I was like “Seriously? Um...wow ok” and...I accidentally pocketed his sharpy (Old habbit I picked up in the Air Force “Every Good Airman always carries a pen!”) I went to the Expo hall to get a souvenir for my friend. And I ran into two guys who told me that this is what Rooster Teeth is about. I’m part of one big family. And they said a lot of nice things. Picked up some souvenirs and was making my way out. A girl stopped me and asked me to sit with her and her friends. We talked and stuff like that and hugged and she told me she is an artist and she gave me a sketch of Blake Belladonna. We exchanged contact information and talked for a while and I had to head out..more hugs from random strangers...more kind words...and then I had to stop a Cinder Cosplayer and take her picture. “Hey arent you that girl from the Ruby Panel?” So I told her yes and she gave me a hug, and I gave her my best Cinder Impression ever. There was a beautiful girl with her...she told me what I said hit home for her cause she is Trans. Immediately I told her “I could not tell, you are just so beautiful and I love and support you” She opened up about how what I said hit home to her...she was recently fired from her job...just cause she’s Trans...that is so fucked up. I told her how horrible I thought that was and how stupid of them. We talked for a bit and exchanged contact info and parted ways...I was going to find a nice quiet spot to relax. On the way up the escalator I noticed a guy jumped out of his seat and smiled and moved over to hold up his hand...I just reached down and shook his hand I just smiled and said thank you...and he said something I could not hear but it sounded like “Your awesome” and that just made me smile. I went all the way up to the third floor where it seemed like there was not a soul. Everywhere I went at the convention I was approached and hugged it was just so moving. Checking my messages on my phone one of my friends told me Twitter exploded and sent me a link. Barbara retweeted “This” I never used Twitter before so I was trying to figure that out...I just wanted to tell her thank you. Then another girl walked up to me and threw her arms open and I stood up and gave her a hug. Even leaving the convention center it was hug after hug after hug. I stopped a few more cosplayers and noticed they were looking at me like they wanted to ask me something. So I was like “Did you go to the RWBY Panel?” “Yeah was that you” “Yeah” more hugs (Each hug is followed by nice words btw). I honestly cant remember the last time I got so many hugs. Some people asked me to show the figure they signed and gave me. And just so many people told me that I am part of the family, I am brave, I am courageous....really I am just flattered more than anything that something I did touched so many people. Finally after a day of many hugs, many kind words I got back in the truck and we drove home. On the way home I mostly spent the long drive talking to the many people I exchanged information with, wishing them safe trips and thanking them. When I got home...well I am a Role Player and actively Role Play as Blake and Yang and a bunch of Role Players heard about it and gave me This when I got home. Thank you Winty Mint! <3

The Day After the Convention.

I was so happy, I posted about my experience in two of the facebook groups I joined some time back. Bumbleby Bae’s and Ozpins Army. I got so many wonderful comments and the admin of Ozpins army was apparently three guys behind me in the Q&A Line. He said he was going to run up and give me a hug but Miles beat me to it. The entire day was spent talking to people and reading lovely comments and then someone linked me the vid on youtube...it all began to sink in and I just started crying again. I posted a comment on the video about my experience and that too was followed by nice things...but also some bad things. Some people were pretty upset that I shared what I did. They said “The rules said no Downer stories” I honestly swear I didn't hear that...what did hear was Kerry said he would like to hear stories how RWBY has touched peoples lives and I thought I fit into that category...so honestly if I upset you I am sorry, that was not my intention. One of the guys on facebook said he runs another RWBY Group.

Today

I am just so shocked that all the nice comments and things keep coming. One person said “I hugged you!” and another told me they saw about it on Tumblr so I went to look and came up with the idea to make a blog post about my experience. Just the amount of support I am getting is overwhelming.

End Note

I am...completely overwhelmed by how much support everyone is giving me. After everything I have gone through to be accepted by so many people, to be hugged by so many people, to have so many wonderful words of encouragement said to me, to know that what I did inspired people (I have gotten a few messages from people on how it inspired them), and just how wonderful you have all been. Words cannot express this feeling I have, but I can sum it up as love. You have all given me so much love and thank you so much for that. And what you have given to me I will pass that on. Any time any of you have a bad day, want someone to talk to, want someone to pour your heart out to (I can keep a secret), or if you just want to talk or ask questions I will be there for you.

I love you all so very very much. And I am honored to be a part of this family.

#RTX #rtx2017 #rtx austin #rtx17 #RWBY #god i love this fandom #rwby panel

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