#thats not even a joke we're struggling out here

[afc-agitprop]

I've done the math, and if I keep saving up and have no financial emergencies, I will be able to afford ONE year of uni in about 10 years😭😭😭😭😭😭

[drdemonprince]

hey, i love your blog & your advice & wanted to seek some of my own if thats okay. i made a friend recently who i think is great - we've been through very similar mental health struggles and we're both autistic and i've had many a time where he's told me really compassionate and helpful things, and he's very accepting of my struggles & seeks me out to hajg out, which a lot of people don't do - but i just can't shake the feeling that he's subtley making fun of me or insulting me? he definitely has a sense of humour prone to teasing, which i am very sensitive to, and i've expressed this to him... but it's just like, these little things, like when he wanted me to come to something with him but i have plans, he'll say something like 'dissapointed you didn't come with me...' or 'well if you were COOL you would have come with me' and it makes me very upset? like i said i've brought it up to him multiple times, but it seems like it's just his sense of humour, but it's beginning to seriously weigh on me. he's said he wants to do better by me and asked me what the line is but i feel like i don't know, sometimes our running jokes about me being a bottom are funny and then they suddenly get too much, and it feels like i'm reacting to the lightest comment (like when he comments that i'm late to things a lot or asks me if im going to be late) sometimes, i don't know how to express what i'm actually getting upset at. do you think there's anything i can do to make this situation better? i really don't want to lose him as a friend, and i want to work on my sensitivity, i just don't know if this is something i can work through

This is tough, but you're doing the important work of communicating about it. I'm a lot like your friend sometimes -- I notice patterns in how people cancel or turn up late to things, and then will state directly that I've observed it, or make predictions based on that pattern, which hurts people's feelings even when I mean it in a completely neutral or even affectionate way. Sometimes when intimacy between me and another person builds, I want to show that closeness by kind of play-fighting with them or making little sarcastic jokes or remarks, which can be wonderfullll when the energy is met, but it can also misfire and really hurt people. I'm putting this out there so that you and any one else reading can feel free to ask about this perspective. For me, it's not intended to be cruel, it's intended to show that I know and accept someone as they are, and find their traits endearing, and I LOVE when people playfully rib me too. it may also be an outgrowth of PDA and attachment trauma -- a way I can feel safe with getting closer is by pretending to keep a distance.

That said, I also HATE when someone guilts me for not being available for something, not wanting to do something, or not showing up. Again, it's the PDA there. I would really really hate someone giving me shit for not going to an event with them, as your friend did, I find that stuff incredibly manipulative and unpleasant, and I personally would be very bothered by those remarks too. So I can understand, I think, both sides of things here!

My question for you would be how your friend responds when you tell him that his remarks have hurt your feelings. I think there is room for a middleground in such matters -- he should work on calibrating his barbed remarks, and you can remember the goodness of the friendship and temper your reactions to some things sometimes, but he HAS to view your concerns as legitimate and be willing to apologize first. Does he freak out and self-victimize or blow things out of proportion when you speak up? Has he stopped making any specific kinds of remarks because you asked? Have you asked? Are you comfortable telling him that something bothers you, even when you can't fully explain why?

I think that if this friendship is going to negotiate both your approaches, it will be done in the gray areas. Sometimes you'll feel triggered by a relatively benign remark, and that deserves talking about! Sometimes he'll say something in completely the wrong way, and he'll need to apologize, and that should be talked about too! It's never inappropriate for you to bring up your feelings, even if you can't give him perfect guidelines as to what he should say or not say. And he should have some leeway to express his care for you in his own way, to an extent, too -- this doesn't mean you should let him do things that hurt you, more that you should try to operate with the base assumption that anything he says comes from his position as your friend who cares about you. That's IF he has actually consistently shown he cares about you and your feelings. If he hasn't, that's another matter.

I hope that makes sense! tldr; keep talking about it. Keep sharing how you feel. Listen to him and watch his patterns of behavior, and if he shows consistently that he does care about your feelings, then you can let that trust help you to process and temper some of your hurt when he accidentally hits your insecurities sometimes.

[oxo3xx0]

PART TWO

Okay I lowkey hate this but I'll keep updating it until I finish the show and can come up with a better storyline🙏

Its been a little while since you last met gojo and medumi, during that time you'd moved into the jujutsu high dorms after being forcefully evicted (literally thrown out by your landlord) and secured a position as yuji itadoris mentor. You see, the real reason gojo had wanted you to come back to the school was so that you could help to train and manage Sukunas vessel, when you were first told the news you actually laughed in gojos face, there was really no way sukuna was living inside a 16 year old boy right?

"Just this way" gojo said, smiling as he led you down a set of stairs and into a basement. "You see a while ago sukuna ripped out yujis heart, but he later repaired it" your eyes widen a little at this news, sukuna saved someone? That's actually laughable "your joking right? Why would sukuna ever help anyone but himself?" Your question was rhetorical obviously but gojo replied nonetheless. "Because he needs a vessel now, if he wanted to he could've let yuji die and just waited for someone else to eat one of his fingers." "He ate his fin-" your words were cut off as you reach the bottom of the stairs and gojo slams open the door to the basement. "We're back!" He says with a smile as he beckons yuji to step forward to meet you, however the only thing he's greeted with is your Face that was contorted into absolute disgust. "No way you ate someone's mumified finger.." were your first words to him as he stared at you with wide unblinking eyes.

After that unfortunate first impression gojo introduced you and explained why yuji was hidden down here in the fist place. "So the people in charge want him dead? Thats messed up" you said with crossed arms as you sat on the couch next to gojo and yuji, some weird old movie playing in the background. "Indeed, thats why I need you to look after him for me, not only dose he need help controlling sukuna but he's being targeted too" gojo explains with a stern expression, the tension in the air was thick as you processed the gravity of this situation, however yuji was still struggling to understand. "Gojo who is this weird lady? How's she gonna help with sukuna??" he whispers to gojo as he covers his mouth to prevent you from hearing, however it didn't really change anything as he was basically still talking at a normal volume. "[Name] is a jujutsu sorcerer, well kind of, she's technically still a student since she never finished her training" gojo 'whispers' back to yuji.

You cleared your throat as you turned to look at them with an unimpressed expression before sighing and explaining why gojo wanted you specifically to help him. "My cursed technique, its called spiritual control, you see these tattoos? They were made from the ashes of a cursed spirit, and with my technique I can manipulate them" you explain briefly as you point to your serpentine body art and a look of shock graces yujis face "so.. your a vessel to??" He asks with impossibly wide eyes before smiling widley and grasping your hands "thank you so much for coming to help me! I was starting to think people would only ever think of me as sukunas vessel! But if your also a vessel and a jujutsu sorcerer then it's not that bad right?" He asks hopefully, poor kid, I bet some people don't even think of him as a person anymore. Just sukunas host. "Hold on now yuji, don't forget the cursed spirit who lives inside you is he king of curses, despite being similar you two still have many differences" gojo says as yuji nods in understanding and let's go of your hands to cross them over his chest "I guess I'll just have to work harder then! To become a sorcerer and to let people know they can trust me." Your heart clenches at the sentiment, this poor kid still thinks he'll live long enough to become a sorcerer. Just the thought of his kind mentality being crushed by the countless perils he will endure is enough to make you feel ill. But he doesn't need to worry, your here now, and your here to stay.

After your first meeting with itadori you were informed of the sisters school event which would be happening soon, and that you wouldn't be directly introduced to the other students until the day it began. Well that was the plan anyway, you were walking up to your sleeping quarters when that same boy from when you first saw gojo stepped inront of you. "Its you, why are you here?" He asks with a stern expression, he doesn't seem too pleased to have you living near him.

Thank you for reading

(Yeah I dropped this, sorry but i struggled to stay interested in jjk)

[smorbee]

iBook Pyramid Behind the scenes!

This is a long one. Also keep in mind we made this a year ago so were going completely off of memory at this point BUT we do have the files. Unfortunately we didn't save specific versions of it really early into its creation so all the blender files close to being finished.

We have an intense appreciation for funky old computers. People correctly identified inspiration from the Thinkpad 701C. Less obvious in the final design but something that almost certainly influenced us as well was the 12-inch powerbook g4.

There is something very satisfying about nearly-square shaped laptops.

Others mentioned the JVC 3100R pyramid TV which, you'll be surprised to learn, we had never actually seen until after working on this project. The resemblance is uncanny and yet, entirely coincidental. Honestly if we had seen this thing, it probably would have had an effect on our design because the way that hinge is set up is beautiful. Our thought process was simply just comically emulating the form factor of a modern laptop but with a giant CRT.

We're pretty sure the idea started out as simply wanting to design a full profile keyboard into a macbook-like laptop because funny, and at some point the butterfly keyboard came to mind and we said Screw it and implemented that into it as well. Heres the keyboard separated into the different sections.

Sorry to say that the keyboard does not actually contain any switches. (You'll see that this computer was modeled to be viewed a limited angle)

Heres the keyboard from the top.

Once we got going with it, the whole thing was turned into a big joke of course, clashing many different eras of technology into one. Such as this massive beige tank of a "laptop" having a single USB C port as its main I/O.

And same with the software. This is the texture for the display, Which was taken from our real (unfortunately not crt based) macbook setup at the time. Except not quite, as the original screenshot was 16:10. We simply edited the image to make it 4:3. This is running mac os 12 with a majority of the icons changed to early osx equivalents.

We'll be real and admit the animation is not very intricate, theres no real "rig" for the model, parts are just parented together because we did all this in about 2 days. That said, we had loads of fun animating it still, trying to imitate the motion of someone struggling to lift the heavy top up before it swings open with an inaudible, but easily imaginable "Thud". Making the whole body shake and the trackball jump slightly was the finishing touch to make it complete.

The wire for the trackball was made using a circle with the screw modifier and then applied to a curve. Here's what it looks like with each modifier applied sequentially.

And then making the trackball itself a handle for the curve, we can have the cable be dynamic. (Yes, we notice that the trackball in fact has no mouse buttons. No good explanation for that, I think we just forgot lmao.)

For the screen, we make use of a location transform on the UV mapping for the satisfying detail of the screen distorting from the impact, which we swear we've seen before but no matter how hard we (safely) bumped our CRT monitor we weren't able to recreate it. Nonetheless even if its not entirely realistic we wouldn't remove it for anything.

speaking of which, an utterly useless detail considering the resolution and distortion of the final renders and yet we added anyways just for our own amusement is that the display has a shadowmask, simply done by just multiplying it over the base screen texture.

Combined with a glass material over the inner part of the screen, it utterly destroys low sample count renders of the screen and makes the project at least 3x as prone to crashing so thats cool! (it crashed on us while we were writing this section)

We've learned since in future projects that trying to optimize polygon count and materials is still very important even for offline rendered content. We can never be truly free from the constraints of memory limitations 😔

the final step was getting a more authentic less "polished" look in the compositing. This step can get very complicated based on the specific look were going for, but for this render its really just basic color correction and some blurring and sharpening steps. We used the default fake jitter node in blender at the time, though in more recent stuff we use the non-denoised image with filters applied to it instead, so its less uniform between images and more uniquely degraded looking.

Though we'd do a number of things differently now were still pleased with the final result. especially in animated form.

Heres an overview of the scene:

This is the bezeled apple logo in polygon form. Its simply an alpha texture with a normal map:

Thats all for now! Thank you for reading!

[fictionfixations]

going through 2.5

2.5 STORY SPOILERS

trigger warning later of minor character death. shown off screen but is described in a way that could sound horrible to the faint of heart

WHAT

i know i joked in my previous post when going through 2.4 that it sounded like the start of a fanfiction but im genuinely disgusted by this ew i was really fucking tempted to just write a fic where jiaoqiu beats his ass (even though i know hoolay is way more powerful then him) but also 2.5 already came out so i gotta get through the story before i get spoiled

the smart choice would be to do 2. but also fuck you hoolay im doing 1. HHH jiaoqiu's voice sounds so like. stressed. like trying to have composure but you can tell hes struggling a little.

also im sorry but hoolays human form looks so fucking ugly (okay maybe im biased but also FUCK YOU HOOLAY) idk ppl might still simp for him but also fuck you im on jiaoqius side >:(

STOPPP USING THE WORD ALPHA like ive heard it so many times in media im DONE i cant hear it the same 😭

"💀 " "None Can Hurt Me" UHHMSOFJFO i sure hope nothing happens to you buddy but

BURN BABY BURN

what the fuck im scared

wait but so i CAN go try to get help? IM SCARED WHAT HAPPENS. uh. uh. uh. FUCK YOU HOOLAY IM DOING IT

wait if i do this will he die. like the the the npc?!?!??!?! GUYSS

AHAHa.. AHgahah.... im. so fucing nervous

im. ohhhh fuck literal chills. im. should i look at what other options i can do to escape or. im so fucking stressed holy shit. logically speaking if jiaoqiu leaves and the ship gets sabotaged or whatever he could die (both him and npc). if he asks him to send a message then the npc will die. guys i hate this what the fuck

I HATE THAT ITS RED TEXT. okay with acheron it was a little startling but we never got like a warning that OUR ACTIONS have CONSEQUENCES. im so fucking scared

me too man. me too. idont want jiaoqiu to die thoguh what if what we choose changes whether or not he dies in canon im

okay ive talked to everyone. and the warning text for everyone is

the skarskiff(?) guy is just an ordinary person the realm keeping person is not prepared for this kind of emergency and that the cloud knight doesnt have backup (has the same choice options as the realm keeping person of borisin are here and introducing ourself)

also that we're being watched. who the fuck

okay the best option would be to cloud knight. but also is it a good idea? no. but. hiusgh. oh my god i hate this.

IM GOING TO BITE THE BULLET. i dont trust that this will end well for me but the logical option even if i get fucked later is to alert someone. a cloud knight knows what risks and responsibilities they're taking on by becoming one and if they die well fuck man but i REFUSE to just not do anything because that'd be like. playing into hoolays hands which 1. i hate him. 2. as a person who very much values my independence I NEED OUT OF THIS SITUATION

and maybe its what hoolay wants, for us to fail his 'test' but whatever. IM REBELLIOUS. (and probably really dumb)

cant wait to see how this affects story in the future. and also seeing how different choices affect things when i watch other people do this. haha. but predicting that they might not talk to anyone out of fear IM going to talk to someone

uhh im going to introduce myself first. its like how you're meant to share your address first in emergencies or something i think maybe? because if the call cuts out then they can find you quickly (i think your phone can be tracked but it takes awhile its not that easy i think?)

okay i did it. wheres the guy who was watching me i cant remember where he was. is he gone? did he disappear? i acnt tell im so fuckings tressed

nothing happened but. but the cloud knights gone now (presumably to spread the news)

i. do i tell other people ? do i. im. okay im

i only talked to the cloud knight. and then im going to do what hoolay asked. thats it. im not brave or reckless enough to tell eVEryone

HIS VOICE IS TREMBLING for the 100th time i hate this

GUH

I FORGOT THEY HAVE OFFICIAL IDENTITIES PRETENDING TO BE--

oh fuck MY DUMBASS

his voice... AGHH JIAOQIUUU

GO FUCK YOURSELF YOURE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

i knew it. i fucking knew it. IM JUSTIFYING IT TO MYSELF BECAUSE CLOUD KNIGHT YOU BECOME IT KNOWING YOU COULD DIE OKAY. id rather have tried to escape then not at all and prove his racist belief 'right'. okay i know im probably in the wrong because they couldve lived if i didnt do anything and i had a hunch that they wouldve died if i asked for help. but. okay at my core i am selfish. and for all i knew there was a teeny tiny chance that it couldve succeeded

and listen. im quoting twisted wonderland now.

"Zero is zero no matter what you multiply it by, right? But if you take some form of action, that zero could potentially become 0.001. And 0.001 has a chance of becoming 100. In which case, there's no reason NOT to do it." (Book 6 - Chapter 48 • A Sequel Cut Short)

i hate these kinds of mind games.

hoolay fucking yapping and i know we're in a tough situation meant to demonstrate how jiaoqiu's kind of powerless but hoolays just talking about how jiaoqiu will eventually crumble and im just. yeah okay big talk. and like i get that hoolay does have connections still and ppl pretending to be foxians keeping a close eye on everything and genuinely wont hesitate to kill someone but okay i just hate him

god he sounds like one of those people who are like. when you refuse their advances and they go 'oh so youre playing hard to get huh?' and keep going with the belief that we definitely want them or some shit💀

i should pretend. but no i cant. thats not the kind of person i am.

oh shit. yeah okay remind me that maybe this could potentially lead to jiaoqiu dying in canon. i mean. its happened in npc stories before right? like that one person in penacony who we could choose to stop her from falling or let her fall

but fucking OW. hoolay talking doesnt terrify me. and maybe thats why im choosing all the dumb options. but ow.

does he have this pose if we pretend to show weakness? i mean maybe its cause we got hurt and hes exaggerating it and showing weakness then. or maybe it actually hurts like a bitch and he cant help but show reaction.

OMG MOZE

okay actually other idea of jiaoqius plan. contacting someone for help and deliberately being caught so its not suspicious if we go along with his demands too easily (but having another plan to get help thats more secret)

like okay i know it was my choice to try to get help and fucking it up but still canon-like right. although i doubt he'd be okay sacrificing an innocent life so um oops

AHHH FUCKING LITERAL CHILLS. we got jiaoqiu flashback where he was like a healer on the battlefield. i dont think im saying that right i forgot what theyre called. but like remember feixiao mentioning in 2.4 how jiaoqiu healed her, and later became her like main healer or something something i forget the wording

and then it goes black and we hear hoolays voice. i have a little hunch that it might be the thing to stop the lupitoxin's effects starting to fade, nad thus the toxin starting to affect him

hh his voice... :(

yeah okay so let us go

sorry did he just bite someone and they turned into a borisin or did it just get rid of the guys disguise

i wasnt paying attention to who it was. i know it wasnt mok tok (different appearance, also it showed jiaoqiu turning away to not see it and mok tok standing there while that was happening)

its genuinely so confusing trying to tell who is a foxian and whose a borisin cause disguises but i assume its an actual borisin who was disguised...

hes talking to moze but all i can hear is monke from ben's stream (aka moze's EN VA LMFAO)

OH IT WAS A NORMAL FOXIAN

what if he does it on jiaoqiu but then they figure out how to turn jiaoqiu back to normal and learn how to cure feixiao. right? right??? probably not but im so stressed

HOLY SHIT JIAOQIU. he sounds so.. wrung out. exhausted.

acting is fucking 10/10 he sounds kind of unhinged but in the slow still exhausted but with emphasis on some of the words?? like. like he still has fight in him. i dont know how to explain this but its really cool

oh shit does he die now

hooly fucking shit literal chills the text appearing on the black screen actually like communicating in a way to us and helping us get an idea of whats going on

okay major manga spoilers for demon slayer. but here is my next prediction: he has poison in his blood that will affect the borisins if they drink it, like how shinobu kocho had like a shit ton of wisteria in her blood (it was also under her fingernails and shit like that, she put it EVERYWHERE) so that when douma (who killed her sister) ate her he'd be poisoned and severely weakened

AM I RIGHT??

I. FUCKING. KNEW ITTTTTT

okay well it was pretty obvious because right before it mentioned the green peppers(?) thing and how to get a picky child to eat it, it re-mentioned that conversation. and then changed it how to get a wolf to something something i already forgot so it was obvious

but JIAOQIU LETS GOOOO i really hope you didnt die

no wait but shit

okay so i cant share any more images i hit the limit on tumblr but okay so if he consumed poison (ist tumbledust. i already forgor. was it like the thing thats like a sedative thats good in small quantities but lethal in large quantities? or was that like yabruh or something)

does that mean he'll die anyway or

i dont think jiaoqiu said it in front of hoolay but anyway im so unhappy that cutscenes lag for me (hoolay immediately clocks on that it was probably jiaoqiu who poisoned him but sdhfuf. this MEANS that hoolay drank JIAOQIUS BLOOD?!?!?!?!? is he DEAD??? )

also i HATE the hoolay fight im struggling so bad ahuisdhdisuad

YANQING LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO (boutta trigger hoolays jingliu trauma)

im sorry for accusing you of being a disguised borisin, sparkle traumatized me ok (and im sorry for pinching your cheeks in 2.4 being cautious of if you were a fake but also i didnt know that was what that option meant)

you were just acting really weird so i got stressed but LETS GOOOO

WHAT WE'RE FIGHTING HIM AGAIN????? YOURE FUCKING WITH ME

oh shit feixiao boss fight

heyy her character. trailer?? i think thats what it was called teased this. like cause she got drunk and couldnt recognize jing yuan and fought him (briefly)

YANQING FUCKING POPPED OFF THIS STORY

i (think) all thats left is feixiao boss fight that we saw in the livestream

some stuff. ill do wardance later. but im gonna end this post here. havent gotten to the end but i dont think ill have anything else to share and i dont have space here anyway so brr

OH FINALLY I CAN ACCESS DIFFICULTY MODES

AND YOU CAN CHOOSE THEM WHILE IN STORY OH THANK FUCK casual mode my precious

okay we figfhting preceptor oh

dan heng: the oath of the alliance doesnt matter to me because im not a part of the alliance anymore *attacks*

me using imbitior lunae dan heng in battle: uh. uh. uh. uhm. YEP

anyway jiaoqius alive (he almost died though)

he sounds so more subdued :(

HOLY SHIT HES BLIND? OH MY GOD thats both better and worse than i thought

OH MY GOD TINGYUN

i was so confused on ruan mei appearance but OH MY GOD

[discoidal]

hi this is one of your mutuals being shy. how did you get into publishing your works with lit magazines?? i dont even know where to begin or how to be organized and Professional

HIIII omg i am not organized or professional at all and dw u can always talk to me<33 esp mutuals omg we're like already friends! just in case u want to stay anon tho, ill get this as detailed as possible under the cut; sorry if it gets long or wordy

anyways so i got into publishing after following jasmine from candied/spit for a long time, and i've found it's mostly a game of knowing your work and finding the right publisher market for it.

there are sites that like collect magazines and presses for ease of submission; i got started with submission grinder, but the most effective and convenient right now is chillsubs.com ! chillsubs has a browse feature with a bunch of filters; u can use those filters to find magazines that are right for u, for example like looking for specifically poetry mags or looking for specific demographics

once you've found smth u want to submit ur work to, u go to their site and usually they have a submit page with instructions on what to submit and how to. there might be some terms that you're unfamiliar with at first; u can always google them or ask me for clarification. if you follow those conditions, you'll get a better chance at getting accepted by that mag obviously. a lot of mags will straight up not read your work if you don't follow the submission rules or whatever.

mostly, in my experience, the mags have you submit by submittable (a site that you sign up to), emails, or gforms. they may ask you for a cover letter, which doesn't need to be detailed or formal; i usually just do a hi im zoe heres my shit thanks for your time peace out. think like office emails or emails to yr teacher; some litmags want it more formal while others are v v lax

they may also ask you for a 3rd person bio; thats the stuff like "zoe adrien is a megahot swagapino" or whatever. usually people take that opportunity to list previous notable publications ot credentials, but esp when you're starting out that doesnt need to be the case! you can put socmed or your website if ever, describe yourself, or you can even just joke. some litmags want a more formal tone; others will literally accept the "zoe adrien is a megahot swagapino" one, so while you can do just a rote one, i usually like to customize it per submission.

sometimes litmags have a "reading fee" which is where YOU pay THEM to read YOUR work; this does not guarantee an acceptance, and i try to avoid paying when possible. some other litmags have an "expedition fee" where you can submit things for free and it might take months, but if you pay the fee your work gets read faster or gets read straight by the editor; again, does not guarantee acceptance, but can be a good way to support a struggling lit mag that you're passionate about or get a quicker acceptance or rejection.

a big term that i remember being confused by is simultaneous submissions. that's the way i usually work, and it's when you have work that you submit to a bunch of markets simultaneously. this makes it faster for you, the writer, since you don't have to wait for markets to get back to you before submitting; otherwise, you'll have to do that, and esp with rlly prestigious litmags (literature magazines) the wait time can be months to years. sometimes though the litmags dont accept simsubs; that means if you submit to them, u submit to only them and wait for their reply before submitting again. theyre dicks if they do this imo but u gotta do what u gotta do

anyways, back on track. once a market gets back to you with an acceptance, you can accept their acceptance (thereby entering into an agreement or contract with them, especially if there's payment involved— note that payment isnt always involved). they might want to do some editing, but usually you'll get the chance to approve or reject their edits before it goes live. typos are common and you can absolutely contact them abt GETTING THAT SHIT FIXED!! (im still listed as zoe adrian in one mag anyway)

if you simsubbed like detailed above, especially if they have an exclusivity clause in the agreement, you'll then have to withdraw your work from the submissions queue of all the other markets. this is to say that that specific work isn't available anymore, as you have found a market for it. if thru email or gform u can just do a quick email like "thx this has been accepted elsewhere thx for ur time" and theyre usually like congrats and thts it

acceptance to publication usually takes months. usually, in my experience, the contract with the litmag will tell you how many months you have to withhold the specific work you've published with them from being published again. for example, i published with foglifter press and agreed for them to have six months exclusivity. if another market agrees to publish it, you have to make sure it's after the six months or the exclusivity period you agreed to, just to make sure no contracts are broken.

you're allowed to publish work you've published before again, usually if they are the first publication mags will ask that you credit them as where that work first appeared . while you are allowed to republish, a lot of mags don't accept "previous publications" so you have to check for that.

a lot of lit mags are online-only nowadays, but i've got a fair few print publications; print pubs will usually send you an author's copy, though in some cases you might have to buy it yourself.

now that i think (?) i've detailed the process, ill tell u smth: u dont need to be professional if u dont want to be! theres prestigious litmags, sure, and they should be paying better, but if you're content with small mags a lot of them are no fucks given. if you go off anon i could help you find some chill mags to start with; im very fortunate to have published with some cool people.

some small mags are my absolute favorites. being smaller, they sometimes only pay nominal author fees to you, or often they cant pay at all, but they can take more risks bc of that. their audiences, while smaller, might be more vocal and supportive. gotta shoutout my absolute fav indie mag, bodyfluids lit; they pay YOU 1 euro per submission and theyre my fav to work with, communication is so quick and easy, and i find almost all the work they publish to be right up my alley

if you can afford to be picky, i would say try to submit your work to magazines you yourself want to or love to read. ive gotten pieces published for relatively a lot of money but felt no joy in it beyond that money; meanwhile, getting published in wrong publishing and bodyfluids brought me so much joy and community. if writing was my main source of income or even a source i was reliant on, i'd have to be working harder for less joy, i feel

a thing i have to say when encouraging people to submit: you're going to get rejected. like a lotttt. it's not about you or the quality of your work, even, it's just that markets have specific tastes or themes and they have limited slots and maybe you mentioned bacon and the editor's hungry right now so they hate you for it and so they throw you in the reject pile. it happens.

publishing for me has been a game of so much luck and wild persistence and, im sorry to say it, thick skin. it hurt a lot when i first started, so much so that i stopped submitting for like 6 months after i got my first few rejections. you gotta keep trucking friens!!!

also im talking like i know sooo much i have like. 11 publications counting one that isnt even available anymore bc the litmag went down lmao i am a little baby! and i am unfortunately so lazy with submitting sometimes like i havent sat down and submitted to a bunch of places in like. 6 months. so yeah i dont know that much el oh el

omfg this is so long but i hope this wasnt overwhelming; theres so much more i want to say abt like readings and submission calls and themes and categories and shit. dont be overwhelmed tho, its usually a pretty streamlined process. again, it's a long game, but it's worth it to me :)) ask me anything any time! and i am SOOOO excited for you!!

[timothylawrence]

OKAY.. Ace Attorney Justice for All ep 1-2 (mostly 2) review :)

-okay starting off easy i loved loved loved loved the amnesia plot sorry it was so funny to me. like i laughed out loud. oh phoenix. oh phoenix. oh also one of my fav twists so far has been the british car. that shit was so good. i said WAITTTT !!!!! ALSO ALSO SORRY HIM CALLING PEARL PERALS IS SO CUTEEEEE

-okay sorry i got too excited MAAAAAAYYYYAAAAAA MAYAAAAAAAA. was i probably too dramatic crying over her leaving knowing full well she was a reoccurring character. probably. do i feel a little embarrassed. maybe. WHO CARES SHESSS BACKKKK....!!!this review is mostly about her and im not too sorry. ive said it before she is the soul of this game. truly. she really is. the love she has for pheenie and vice versa... like idk. the game feels complete when she's here. her commentary. her jokes. her interactions. yeah.

-moving on to maya 2.0 CAN THEY STOP TRAUMATIZING HERRR!?!??! i will say i love her writing i love how 3d she feels and i love love her struggles and how realistic they are. shes a kid but shes meant to be a master but she's all alone. no mom no older sister and now no aunt?? like what the fuck. she deserves the world.

-^super fucked up and onto my next point. phoenix being so worried and scared for her that he broke down a huge heavy door on his own. dude . he loves her so much. so much. he literally yells at her when she talks about how doomed she is. he loves her. what the fuck. thats his little sister. i genuinely am the happiest when they're on screen together. pheeny i just need you to get a tad more into your emotional side and give her a hug for me or something i beg.

-sorry one last thing.

I fucking cried my eyes out dude. i fucking sobbed. what the fuck. when the reveal that the nice smell was her sister's clothes??? like are you fucking kidding me. are you serious. i teared up writing this review im not even ashamed i love how the heart of this game is siblings. but especially these two. i know some ppl might feel that mia is a cop out in cases but idc. the whole story is rooted in her. the whole reason we're even here!!!!

-okay. the part you guys (and I) have all been waiting for. oohhhh franziskaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First impressions, i love her design. i love the way she talks. AND SHES EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD??? HELLO?? THATS A BABY??? sorry i missed von karma and she emulated him a lot so that was fun to.

-well it was fun for three seconds and then um . then i got really sad. you're telling me that dude was her dad?? we saw how fucked up miles got just by being his mentor. can you imagine living under that man's roof? him being your blood? oh my god. if you look at her for too long you begin to just feel fucking sad. like there's a seeping sadness cracking through her perfect mannerisms.

okay. okay. okay. so you're telling me when she realizes she's been caught, she doesn't look angry nor caught off guard like Miles or livid like her dad. she looks fucking scared and concerned? hello? can anyone hear me? hello? "i am perfect I am Franziska" yeah guys we gotta die. oh my god. i am begging that she gets her solo episode like miles did. because i need to dissect her more. that last frame makes me wanna die.

-EDIT*** i forgot this part. but as a woman in a legal setting/office setting her constantly being called sir is such an emulation of my fucking life dude. not being taken seriously and having to go to my male colleagues and/or boss to get clients to take me seriously. ugh. im pissed off for her. and myself. ugh. a good telling of misogyny and what its like to be a woman in settings like this.

-oh my god i got to the end of this review and forgot to mention MILES IS FUCKING DEAD??? LMFAO? sorry for #beingawomanlover. but also um. i dont think a dead guy can have a spin off game so i have a decent hunch (i know) hes probably coming back but the fact i said go take a vacation and he decides to fake his death... girl.... this gay drama is out of hand. also wait i need to add i know i didn't like miles at first and people got the impression i dont like him at all but thats not true!!! i genuinely do like him!!

-okay this is my longest review yet but who cares. i need you people to know im cranking out 7-10 hours on this game a day there's actually something wrong with me. oh and once again no spoilers pleaseee i have zero spoilers moving forward ^^ okay bye bye

[gilly-moon]

[5 Characters & 5 Tags]

Tagged by @harleyshahas (thank you ♡!!!!)

Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts) - KH is the game that got me into video games, and inspired me all the way to getting my current job in game dev, and Riku is at the heart of why I love the games so much. But I had to put Sora too, because one without the other just doesn't work. Without Riku, Sora couldn't have his arc of "I want to be better than Riku" to "I want to be better with Riku". And for Riku, his transition from dark & edgy to chosen keyblade weilder all ties back to how he looked down on Sora, then tried to make up for his mistakes, and finally trusted and loved Sora completely. They complete each other and challenge each other to grow and become better at every turn. Also their reunion in 2 absolutely ruins me every time. Sora crying on his knees will be burned in my brain forever.

Zack Fair (FFVII) - Crisis Core was at one point the only game that would work on my PSP lol. But I didn't need any other games because Zack the puppy was everything to me. Watching him struggle with the morality of being a SOLDIER, all while desperately trying to protect his friends and failing at every turn...that shit hurts, and yet he keeps his smile and honor right up til the end. He is THE sunshine boy of sunshine boys and I could gush about him all day long. His scenes in Advent Children destroy me.

Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu) - the real blorbo of my heart, the bitch I latched onto and will love to the end of my days. His ability to take even a team of strangers and lead them flawlessly within just a few minutes is so admirable. He knows exactly how to bring out the best in everyone on the court. It hurts me to this day that he never got to wreck Shiratorizawa before he graduated (also that moment where he falls and slips in season 2 uggghhhhh) but jokes on them because he's the one who got an honorable position on an irl team!! I get some people call him an insufferable asshole but thats exactly why I like him! Let characters be insufferable!!!!! Its fun!!!!! And besides, when it comes down to it, he's genuinely a good person who wants everyone on his team to be involved and be their best. Love of my life. No Oikawa haters allowed on my blog.

Pitch Black/Kozmotis Pitchiner (RoTG) - basically since the movie came out I have been ready with a "Pitch did nothing wrong" speech at all times. I feel like I don't even really have to explain this one, I mean....yall get it. You know why we're all still here, loving him and the Guardians to the end of our days. I will say, though - idc if it's book version or movie version, my love for this asshole remains the same.

Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson) - ah, the original blorbo. The queer awakening for so many people even before he was out in the books. This is another "I love him because he's kinda rude" character. His hatred towards other characters is always warranted tbh, because they ostracize him for?? No good reason at all???? No one wants to or tries to be his friend in heros of olympus for the first four books (except Hazel, who practically has to force others to talk to him) and it pisses me off to no end. Percy spent battle of the labyrinth hunting him down, but would he have been so dedicated if he wasn't getting the iris messages??? Doubt it. Anyway. I adore Nico, he deserved better, and I'm so glad he's got a wonderful bf and his own book now. I will never get tired of him and I really hope the tv series goes well so he can finally come to life in live action ♡

Honorable Mentions: Ronan Lynch, Cloud Strife, Roxas, Hiccup Haddock, Sasuke Uchiha, Portgas D. Ace, Killua Zoldyck, Allen Walker, Vlad Masters

I don't rlly talk to many people on here so...if one of my picks was also yours, consider yourself tagged!

[thousandheadeddolphin]

Nevermind we're doing this tonight welcome to the lvl.0 lighting round

Actual reviews under readmore, but the tldr is that the quality generally averaged towards generally being kinda good, which I know is probably not gonna be sustained for long

LVL. 0.0: tutorial Level

I ultimately have no complaints, since this is, at its core, just a slightly more fleshed-out version of classic backrooms, which as stated in my introductory post, is good even through a thousand layers of content farm induced irony. I enjoy how theyve pretty much fenced it off from the rest of the levels due to no-clipping being required to progress, allowing it to still stand on it own to some extent. Though I do have a slightly nitpicky complaint about its title, simply because it leans too far into the video game angle, and the grammar feels a bit clunky and stiff at certain points, but at the end of the day, theres a reason this got so big in the first place. 8.5/10

LVL. O.1: Zenith station

This one plays around with the format a little, adding normal prose to the beginning to give context to why theres just a whole ass space station in piss carpet hell (yeah, the article itself describes the carpets as smelling like pee), which is generally better than its parent article, which, unfortionately isnt kept up in the prose of the article itself, which generally matches 0.0s quality. Id actually like this level a lot if it wasnt connected to the backrooms, where its existence doesnt exactly make any sort of sense, mainly from a metatextual perspective, mainly because it just doesnt match with any of the other levels heavy usage of nostalgic imagary compared this whole ass space station. This is likely just a consequence of a lot of the earlier levels just going "Yo what if this thing was in the backrooms" and just. kinda clashes even with other levels of its ilk. 8/10 if it was disconnected from the backrooms, 6/10 as it currently is

LVL. 0.2: Remodeled mess

To be honest, even though its like, bordering on a joke level, at least the jokes actually funny. plus, It genuinely feels like like smaller part of a level, instead of like, a full level that they just crammed into 0.0. The format scew, in this case taking the form of notes between a remodeler and his boss genuinely has a lot of personality and originality that a majority of the other levels of its ilk lack. overall, 7.5/10, not necessarily the most flashy or interesting (sub)level, but it gets its job done perfectly fine

LVL. 0.3: The icy rooms

Another level centering around the backrooms remodeling company, this times its not their fault, and theyre just trying to remodel a part of 0.1 thats just. frozen over for some reason. Another somewhat comedic level, this time exclusively featuring the same kind of notes from the previous sublevel. I do think it overuses the crossed out text gimmick, and the comedy(?) wears a bit thin, but i otherwise have no real complaints. 7/10 cool level

(please note that all levels after are not numbered by the wiki)

LVL O.4: Below Zero

Oops! All format screws! This ones actually got pretty good, though way too purple, prose. Most of the concepts within the level are kinda bare bones, the same kind of hallways as the ones in 0.0, but dark this time, a bog, which is so vaguely described that I dont even know if its metaphorical or not, and the hallway but before with rubble this time. Unfortunately, I cant really say much about it, due to the barrage of dead links, very, very sparce descriptions and the relatively small irritant of it not having any real reason to not be a standalone level other than the novelty factor, so Im gonna have to give it a 5/10.

LVL. 0.5: Echo Chamber

Man theres like, no reason for this to be separate from 0.4. If i struggled to come up with things to say about the last level, this one doesnt even have descriptions of its environment. The story that theyre trying to tell here is actually kinda well executed, though it doesnt really justify it being separate from the base backrooms in the way its implied to be. 4/10 I know its written by a different guy, but at least justify why you should exist as a separate construct from the original sublevel

LVL. 0.6: The Manila Rooms

This one has a plot point within the first paragraph. How can it serve as a meeting point if, by virtue of it being a sublevel of 0.0, it is impossible to find another human. Aside from that, this is functionally just a version of 0.0 with furnishings and actual way to leave without ramming your face into walls for 3 hours. Otherwise, nice set dressing, prose that do a better job at replicating scps style than 99% of the first 100 other levels, and actually makes use of the MEG instead of just having them stand around and justify why every single article is written like a damn court case. 6/10, gets its job done but It doesnt do anything else

LVL. 0.7: The red rooms

Oh hey another format screw, this time being another one were it just breaks into normal prose and overrides the normal text of the level, which though played out, got a bit of a kick out of me. Though, all things considered, the prose themselves flounder a bit, simply due to the author layering too many adjectives, and some inexplicable choices in analogy. But I really enjoy the way the author plays with the formatting especially near the end, and the concepts pretty damn solid on its own. 7/10, would reccomend.

LAST ONE: LVL. 0.8: The torment

Another format screw, this time just with some background stuff about how it just. randomly showed up. It suddenly drops some stuff about spirits and like, again, why did these need to be connected to 0.0. The prose do a good job at replicating the general stylings of scp, and the concept of, agonizing life after death is really, really good, it just, didnt need to be tacked onto 0.0 beyond the context of it just showing up there for two minutes. 6.5/10 normally, 6/10 because this didnt need to have anything to do with 0.0

[jonas-the-jagnificent]

What's extra fun about this whole "narcissism is inherently toxic" is that I am a fairly toxic individual?? But it's never the narcissism.

It's the trauma, baby.

Trauma gave me intense anger issues, trust issues, severe touch aversion, a lack of coping skills, a tendency to lash out and project my pain onto others...and NPD.

Because of trauma, I've been a bully, I've insulted and hurt people, I've struggled at making ANY lasting bonds with ANYBODY, and I even have homicidal ideation on a regular basis.

What horrors has NPD brought on me and my relationships? Well, let's see.

I sought attention from everybody and one of the people I met GAVE me attention, and now we're literally best friends. He's the ONLY person I have an actual emotional bond with, and I can rely on him for supply whenever I need it, and our platonic relationship has helped BOTH of us heal in very important ways. So attention seeking got me my first real friend!!

I'm capable of boosting people up!! I know what inflates MY self confidence and I can use my own intense insecurity as a tool to help other people.

Having a superiority and or god complex has made me confident enough to stand up for myself and others, I don't take shit from anyone anymore.

NPD can absolutely cause or encourage toxic behaviors, and it can be devastating on your life and the people in it. I have negative symptoms too, horrendous amounts of self loathing, anxiety, it makes anger easier to trigger, I feel isolated from people around me because I see myself on a different level from them. Sometimes higher, sometimes lower!

But to say that my NPD made me a bad person would be hilariously inaccurate!

Here's the thing. Trauma can make you toxic. It's called the cycle of abuse for a reason, you learn bad things as a kid and thats what you know now! Unlearning that takes time and effort. NPD is a trauma disorder, yes, but to stuff all toxic survivors under the NPD label takes away from what it means to be a narcissist.

I'm not an asshole because I have no empathy or because I only care about myself, I'm an asshole because I never learned how to be healthy around people.

All this to say, stop using NPD as a target. Trauma of any kind can make you a bad person!!! Anyone of any background is capable of being shitty, what's so special about NPD other than all the cool kids having it? (That last part is a joke. Kind of. Narcs are cool as fuck, lmao)

Why don't we start calling out bad people instead, rather than spreading medical misinformation and harassing people who've done no harm? As a person who's done harm, narc haters can kiss both my asscheeks and stfu forever.

People with NPD can be good people, and people without NPD can be self centered dickwads.

fuck it. I'm a good person BECAUSE I'm a narcissist. I'm fiercely loyal to my best friends because I value them as much as I do myself, I'd protect them to the ends of the earth because they are some of the best people in the world. I'll tell people to fuck off when they insult my little sister because I'm a narcissist and that's *my* blood you're picking a bone with. I do kind things because I know they're kind and it will make me feel better about everything. Maybe my reasoning isnt what youd like it to be. But goddamn I am going to be good because I have NPD

[disenchantingwrites]

If you'd be up for it, could you write a Ryan Ross x reader thats friend's to lovers?? Maybe something where reader is involved in the music business but not famous and they become introduced that way and quickly form a friendship? They/them or she/her if possible. It's rough being a Ryan Ross girlie in 2022 and I'm so excited that people still write for him 😭

Story for a Love Song • R.R

Being a small-time record producer, you're eager to accept any opportunities that present themselves. You just didn't expect that working with Ryan would lead to so many feelings.

Ryan Ross x Female Reader

A/N: okay first off, thank you for the request, i started writing as soon as i read it (also I'm not sure if you wanted the reader to be a singer, so i can do another one if you want). And the struggle is real for Ryan Ross fans in 2022, we're like a dying breed :(

---- ---- ---- ----

(1372 Words)

For years, producing had only been something on the side. You’d spend time with small bands and artists, even friends’ bands, and assemble their songs and albums for a few hours in the studio you’d book. Then the rest of your time was spent going to your primary job, the moneymaker for your borderline bankrupt lifestyle.

“You’re going to burn yourself out,” your parents would say each time you would call. “Maybe you should take a break and catch up on some sleep.”

But those sleepless nights eventually paid off. You’d made enough to focus solely on your producing career. And, although small within the industry, you loved every second you had doing your job. Any project you had, you poured your heart into any project you had, undoubtedly passionate about achieving the perfect sound.

Your passion was what drew Ryan to offer his work to you in the first place. He wanted a fresh sound for the new album he was working on, and hearing what you’d done for others had only solidified you as his top choice. And in sending off the simple email asking for your talents, he’d unknowingly changed your life.

For the days you spent working together, you and Ryan developed a close bond. He was different to the others you’d worked with, both as a person and musically. His lyrics were profound, and his music moved you, touching your heart, causing it to thump until you could hear it drumming in your ears. As your time together bled into months of collaboration, you realised it wasn’t just his music that made your stomach twist into knots.

“If you keep looking at me like that, it might inflate my ego too much,” Ryan joked when he’d caught your astonished stare for the dozenth time.

You’d tried desperately to keep your feelings for Ryan under control, but the closeness between the two of you made it hard. The constant proximity he had with you whenever you were together didn’t help. He was almost always touching you in some way, whether it was pressing his shoulder against yours or instigating a game of footsies while you listened to the songs. 

You had no idea how you’d be after the two of you were finished collaborating. You already knew the two of you would keep talking; the close bond between you had grown so tight in such a short period of time. Truthfully, your only worry was whether you would ever find the courage to admit your feelings to him.

“If you keep working like this, this album will be finished earlier than it needs to be.” Your head turned away from your station at his comment. It was one of the rare days you looked forward to when you and Ryan were both in the studio. He only further surprised you when you felt his hand settle on your shoulder as his body leaned over yours. “I can tell you’ve been working late on this ‘cause of those circles under your eyes.”

His free hand poked your cheek, and you managed to glance at his face to see him grinning humorously at you before he pulled away. Aware of the fact your heart was beating a million miles an hour just from his simple actions, you leaned back in your chair, head turned around.

“C’mon, there’s a little cafe not far from here I saw last time, and I want to try their raspberry muffin,” Ryan urged, and you could practically hear the eager smile in his words.

You sighed, somewhat dramatically, as you turned your chair to him. “Alright, you’ve convinced me.”

--- --- ---

You and Ryan sat opposite each other in the small cafe you wish you could say he dragged you to. True to his word, he’d bought the raspberry muffin and a hot chocolate, only a mild wonder to you. You thought it was cute, much to Ryan’s chagrin.

“They even gave you little marshmallows, look,” you grinned, pointing to the two sugary treats on the side of his plate.

You could see the slight colour that rose in his cheeks as he used his spoon to hide the marshmallows from your view. You could only laugh further at his contrite reaction, tipping your head back ever so slightly, your eyes scrunched.

Your laughter only stopped when you felt something hit your nose. Startled, you silenced and opened your eyes to see Ryan stifling his laughter as he watched you. You looked down, finding one of his marshmallows sitting on top of your food. Diverting your attention back to Ryan, you noticed he’d shifted so his head was resting in his palm, and there was a wide smile on his face as he watched you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You murmured, having to avert your gaze as the heat rose in your own cheeks.

“You’ve got marshmallow dust on your nose,” he replied simply. He picked up a napkin and, just as you were about to reach out and take it from him, leaned over and wiped the residue from your face. “There." His voice sounded far away, quieter, and he halted any further actions as he peered at your face.

“I think it’s my turn to ask why you’re looking at me like that.”

“What?” You managed to strangle out, surprised by Ryan’s inquiry.

The singer sat back in his chair, placing the napkin down, a cheeky smile on his lips. “Friends don’t look at each other like that.”

You almost choked on the sharp breath of air you took. Incoherent noises escaped your mouth as you struggled to think of something to say in response. “I—what?”

Ryan let out another short laugh. “I guess it’s lucky I think of you as more than a friend.”

You blinked, dazed by the seeming confession. “More? Are you…?”

“I thought the x’s I attached to my good night and good morning texts were enough of a giveaway,” Ryan seemed to be more bemused than anything by your confusion about his declaration. He picked up his phone, tapped away for several moments, and then showed the screen to you.

“What’s this?” You frowned, accepting the phone from him.

“I realised while we were working together that I liked you, but I,” he let out a soft sigh and ran a hand through his hair, “I didn't know how to tell you, so… I wrote it down.”

You glanced from Ryan to the phone in your grasp, only to realise the note he had pulled up for you contained several paragraphs beginning with, primarily, the same line.

I think I like her because of how she smiles.

I think I like her because of how my name sounds coming from her.

I think I like her because of how she looks at me.

Which slowly evolved into different phrases the more you read.

I think I love her and her laugh.

I think I love her because of how much her messages make me smile.

I think I love her.

You swallowed, pulling the phone back. But before you could focus back on Ryan, a text came through, one with your name followed by a heart, as the sender.

hi.

i love you. x

You managed to gather the courage to look up, finding Ryan with your phone in his grasp, a smile on his face.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Your mouth curled in a broad grin, and, had you not been seated in a cafe with barely touched, you would have launched across and kissed him then and there. Instead, you tapped on the message with your name and typed a text on Ryan’s phone to send to yours.

hi.

did you want to go out on a date with me?

Ryan read the message as soon as it pinged on your phone, then let out a pleased hum.

“Only if we do it tonight,” he replied. You nodded, finally setting the phone back over on Ryan’s side. “Then I’d love to.”

“Brilliant,” you sighed, feeling as though a weight had been relieved from your chest.

The two of you were about to, finally, begin eating again, but you paused.

“Ryan?”

“Hm? Yeah?”

“I love you, too.”

[1863-project]

I've been thinking a bit about Submas and potential Ableism, recently.

I know it is wrong to have them be Actual animals/pokemon, because its kinda insulting. like just, 'this person's not a Real Human' is such a terrible thing to say. (and a unfortunate coping mechanism that I used to have. "Of course people are mean to me. I don't count as a human. I'm not exactly sure why not ,but Clearly there is some sort of Rule/Classification out there that dictates I am Below Human. Everyone else can see that, and thats just what Is. " I'm just sorta. throwing that out there as a potential example for why that trope can be so harmful and vicious. )

IDK. It took me awhile to realize 'oh. Its not Me, Those people just are bad'. I can't say it helped to have people who thought like me/had feelings similar to me, tended to be aliens and stuff. 'oh ha ha look at the silly alien who has rules about how they eat their meals', when it was 'oh, thats how I eat my meals?...why is that so funny?

This is important, and I think a lot of people don't realize how harmful these things can be to others.

I was bullied from...pretty much kindergarten until I graduated high school, and seeing characters who were like me more or less being treated as subhuman didn't help my self-esteem. I ultimately ended up in a friendship in college that became emotionally abusive and it took me two years to get myself out of it because I didn't think I could or should and the person managed to make me feel even worse about myself.

Seeing people similar to yourself being depicted as non-human, or being joked about/seen as "acceptable targets," can massively impact self-esteem. There's many reasons why the average age of death for autistic people at one point not too far in the past was only 36 years old, and this was actually one of them. Between infanticide from parents who were ashamed of a disabled child or couldn't care for them, bullying and suicide, and struggling in the world without supports and accommodations, a lot of us didn't live very long and still don't. I'm only three years away from that 36 and I think about it a lot, and how lucky I was to have supportive parents. Many people like me aren't lucky. Living in a society that actively rejects you takes a massive toll on your self-esteem and health.

Regarding Submas, there's a big difference between doing Pokemon Mystery Dungeon stuff (the whole franchise revolves around humans turned into Pokemon) or giving them fursonas, etc. and actually writing things where they were never human, because the latter plays right into the ableist trope of "autistic people aren't actually human/are changelings/etc." It's a thing a lot of people aren't aware of because it isn't talked about much outside of autistic advocacy circles - like most disparaged groups of people, it can be difficult to get people to take us seriously outside of our own advocacy bubbles. I've spoken at a conference regarding libraries and autism twice (in 2018 and 2019); both times it was fascinating to see the response from the non-autistic people in attendance. They genuinely didn't know so many of the things that autistic people have known and talked about for years - we're just not heard a lot of the time, although I've noticed it's getting better than it was ten years ago when I was starting out as an advocate. Progress is there, it's just been slower.

Basically, you're not hurting anyone if you're playing around with Pokemon Mystery Dungeon AUs, or if you're giving characters fursonas (I mean, I know plenty of autistic furries!). But if you're writing things where human characters who are autistic or autistic-coded were never truly "human," you need to be careful that you don't slip into ableist tropes that hurt people like Anon here and myself.

[lunar-wandering]

Yes please post about the new OC

yknow what i’ll just talk about him here

aight so his name is Qiū Shí (Autumn Stone) (秋石)

and,

he’s Wukong’s (adopted) older brother. like he saw Wukong leap through the waterfall and was like “alright, that lil new monkey is my brother now”. Wukong was not informed of this until like, 3 years later, when Wukong shyly approached him like, Wukong: i uh......kinda see you like an older brother... Qiu Shi: Qiu Shi: ?????????? this is news to you??????????????

he was trapped in tree roots under the ground for like 200 years, and just. there’s this whole scene of him dramatically breaking free, and pulling himself up to stand, bathed in the light of the sunrise, and then it’s a direct cut to him knocking on Wukong’s door at Flower Fruit Mountain asking what the hell a cell phone is

im not joking about the cell phone thing like- Qiu Shi: hey Wukong can you tell me wha- Wukong: aren't you supposed to be dead Qiu Shi: well im not so can you tell me what a cellphone is Wukong: why are you in my house Qiu Shi: im asking you what a cellphone is

later MK enters like normal and is just faced with Qiu Shi, eating calmly, while Wukong is literally clawing and scratching at him to try and get him to sTOP EATING HIS FOOD- 

and then Qiu Shi notices MK and stands up, and the following conversation is just- Qiu Shi: WUKONG!! you didn't tell me you adopted a kid! Wukong: i didn't! Macaque: yes you did Wukong: you shut up Qiu Shi, kneeling down to be MK's height: it's nice to meet you kid, im your uncle- Wukong: WE'RE NOT RELATED- Macaque: yes you are Wukong: you shut up Qiu Shi: as you can see my little brother here- Wukong: i am OLDER THAN YOU Macaque: no you're not Wukong: YOU SHUT UP Qiu Shi, continuing like all That isn't happening behind him: -hasn't really kept me updated on anything- Wukong: you were supposed to be DEAD Qiu Shi: -so would you mind telling me your name MK: .....what the FUCK is going on

if you’re wondering why Macaque is there, he originally showed up to antagonize Wukong like usual, saw the Family Drama going on and tried to leave, but Wukong wouldn’t let him because he was not Dealing With This Alone

Qiu Shi didn’t actually have a shirt when he showed up on Wukong’s doorstep (clawing your way out of the ground will do that to ya) and so Wukong gives him one of his and Qiu Shi takes it. pauses for a moment. looks thoughtful. Wukong: don’t you FUCKING dare- Qiu Shi: *(runs his claws over the front of the shirt, creating claw marks)* Qiu Shi: there, now it’s more appealing Wukong, head in hands: *(muffled yelling)* Qiu Shi: if you liked this shirt you shouldn’t have given it to me

Wukong does on some level view Qiu Shi as someone more powerful than him (even though thats not true) mainly due to viewing him as an older brother, and, because of this, his subconscious MAKES that true, in that he can’t get the upper hand on him

that is, unless someone reminds him. like he'll be struggling to grab something Qiu Shi is keeping away from him and then someone will just go "aren't you more powerful than him" and IMMEDIATELY Qiu Shi gets knocked to the ground as Wukong kicks his legs out from under him

don’t question how Qiu Shi got these powers because i don’t know but his abilities are all mainly sound based. he’s got a Sonic Scream (think of like Black Canary’s Canary Cry or Danny Phantom’s Ghostly Wail), can do this thing where he can like. become “one with the music of the world” and be completely inaudible (mainly cause i think it’s funny if he can sneak up on Macaque), and he can like. ride soundwaves in a way that makes it seem like he’s teleporting. of course i only made him yesterday so this could change but that’s what we have now

he can’t exactly do his sonic scream right now though. the necklace around his neck prevents him from doing so.

he can’t dance. like, the last time Qiu Shi tried to dance he made a hole in a wall and Wukong had to pay for it.

need to give yall the mental image of Wukong in the process of teaching MK something, and behind him Qiu Shi just. shapeshifts/glamours himself to look like Wukong and starts mimicking him and MK is just trying not to laugh while off to the side Macaque is like "he's stealing my job" 

Qiu Shi: so. Macaque huh. Wukong: i have just decided. im going to kill you. Qiu Shi, calmly pouring himself some more tea: like, how would you kill me?

Wukong probably took Qiu Shi’s name out of the book of death sdlkfslfjsdk

Qiu Shi needs Wukong for something or other, then like, sees him talking to Macaque and just. walks over and picks Wukong up and starts walking away Wukong: hEY Qiu Shi, loudly: sorry lil' bud, but your conversation with your loverboy is gonna have to wait Macaque: hUH????? Wukong: IM GOING TO KILL THE BOTH OF YOU

Qiu Shi’s nickname for Wukong is lil’ bud. yknow. like a. like a flower bud. like a peach tree flower bud.

Qiu Shi has trouble staying still, mainly because of the “trapped underground for 200 years” thing

he has this whole “brother seeking instinct” thing, just. inexplicably can always know where Wukong is.

he’s friends with @wolfcamellias OC Lixue. their friendship dynamic is fucking hysterical

[hellothere-generalangsty]

TBB EPISODE 14 SPOILERS

BELOW THE CUT

For real there are spoilers so don't look if you don't want to be spoiled, also TW for some swear words because I clearly freaked out.

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

WHAAAAAAAAT

IS IT A JOKE? A  R E G???

I MEAN.

Love Echo. Love Wrecker. 💙💙💙

WRECKER 😂😂💙💙

ECHO YES BABY

MY LOVE.

.

DUDE MY HEART OMGFGNEOFBE KAMINOOOOOOOO

OMFG I DOZFVSIDBDIDBDA

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSDDDDDDDDSSSKEBFEOBDIDHDJDHEIEBEKDBEOEBEKEBE

I AM SCREAMING.

VIABLE CLONES ??? MHHHH ME LIKE THAT

.

OMG

SHUT UP HUNTER.

WELL SAID ECHO. I TRUST HIM TOO.

So pretty omg

The light. I am so weak for the light.

Hoooooooooooooo

A prisooooon maybe ??

if it isn't a trap-

OMG HE ALMOST KILLED ME WHEN HE SAID CT-55..

I WAS LIKE "DUDE WAIT SERIOUSLY??"

OMG MY HEART IS PUMPING SO HARD RN

.

ECHO YES. YOU ARE 100% RIGHT AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT.

Why do I feel mike something is going to happen...

Omega shut up. Please.

WHAT IF IT'S DOGMA ????

OMG

wait no it can't be because he didn't have the tattoo

BUT WHAT IF IT'S DOGMA????

No it's not.

CAPTAIN.

OMG. DUDE.

OMFG. THATS.

THATS.

THATS.

OMFG.

OMFG

I AM WCRDBEDLZBDLEHDJFBFKRUAKTSKSTSNTNGZAHTD HF HZS RY SGJ FSYVET'BGEL ZGK EG ZLTE GKA AHELYJO

YESSSSSWSWWSS HaahahahaHAAGAHAAAAAAAAAAA

I AM FREAKING OUT THIS IS SO COOL

AND WE'RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH

THIS IS SO COOL

.

OMG HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL. THAT HAIRCUT 🥵🥵🥵

OMG YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

THIS IS AWESOME

OMG this is so cool.

Like. So.cool.

.

HE'S SO SASSY I LOVE HIM

YES THEY AREN'T AS PRETTY AS YOU YOU ARE 100% RIGHT

I LOVE HIM OMG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM

.

I feel like something is going to happen to them.

HE'S ADORABLE I SWEAR-

Ok so nothing happened to them...yet

YES FIGHT

I WANT FIGHT

Omega is a war child and I do not wike it

.

TEEEEEEEECH

OMG PAPA TECH IS ADORABLE

I LOVE HIM

DO NOR HURT MY BABY ECHO

TOKYO DRIFT 2.0

.

YES

YES YES YES

YES

NOW. NOW WE'RE TALKING.

LEAVE HIM.

NO TECH HE'S RIGHT

LEAVE.

OMG.

THIS IS.

YES.

YES. I AM SCREAMING THIS IS SO GOOD.

OMFG. SO MUCH POTENTIAL. LIKE. SO.MUCH.POTENTIAL.

.

Omg.

SO MUCH THINGS ARE HAPPENING.

YES. IF ITS HIMIF ITS.HIM.

.

OMFG. HOOOOO LYYYYYYY FUCKIIIIIING GOOOOOOOD I AM SCREAMING SO FUCKONG HARS ROGHT NOW I AM SCREAMING SO FUCKONG GARD THIS IS SO GOOD I AM DUEBFLZBD

LOOSING MY GODDAMN MIND.

THIS IS ME RN

I CAN'T ADD MORE BUT LIKE

Omfg. OMFG.

DUDE IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING. T'WAS ABOUT TIME.

Dude. Crosshair's theme song got me SCREAMING.

And like- say what you want. But Crosshair? He's here to help.

He's here to get him out. I call it, next week will be an evasion episode and it will be the struggle of two lost brothers trying to find their way back to their family and having to T AL K.

Omg. I am. I am so happy with this episode. For real I am super happy. That was so awesome. I'll watch it again.

[bettyxinez]

Nothing Left To Give

chapter four • smile

Kat didn't mention her DID until two weeks after that, and Malcolm found himself thinking about her more then he probably should have.

And Kat knew it too. They had been getting closer and closer and she could tell how curious he was. Over the span of the 7 weeks they had become friends, and Kat was confident in saying he was one of the closest friends she ever had, so much so that even some of the Others wanted to meet him.

Driving each other to and from the precinct was becoming a regular occurrence, and he slowly revealed more and more about his past, opening up to her much quicker then she was to him.

"So thats what you're trying to figure out? If the girl in the box is real and who she is?"

"Yeah. Funnily enough, trying to solve a murder where the only evidence is unreliable memories is kind of...hard."

"I understand that. Not the murder part, but everything else."

His curiosity had been temporarily put on the back burner while he told her his story, but now it was at the forefront of his mind.

She noticed almost immediately. She kind of felt bad about it, and was planning on telling him when the time was right.

The time never seemed right.

And when it did, she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. So she eventually just waited for him to bring it up.

He was in her apartment again, looking at some of the pictures on her wall and laughing as she told stories of the people in them.

He noticed quickly that none of them were members of her family.

"What about your family?" He asked, before he even realized the can of worms he might have opened by doing so.

She tensed immediately, turning to look at him.

"We don't... talk."

Malcolm looks up at her, noticing for the first time that she was taller then him.

"Do you mind if I ask why?"

She sits down on her couch, tucking her feet underneath her. Malcolm sat next to her.

"They didn't believe me when I told them what was... happening... to me."

His breath hitched. His mind reeling from the possibilities of what that meant. He supposed that he could ask. They had gotten a lot closer, and if she didn't want to talk about it, he could wait longer. No problem.

"And... what was happening to you?"

She looked away from him, eyes widening for a split second, and then she slowly took a deep breath.

This was it. He had asked, and she didn't know if she was ready.

She could dive head first into telling him and risk freezing in the fridgid water, or stay safe and dry, but risk putting a wall between her and Malcolm.

She decided to just take the plunge.

"...bad things." She whispered. And even just thinking about it, her brain was assaulted with memories, and she already felt herself slipping.

"Bad, bad things...hurt... it hurt."

She screwed her eyes shut, fists clenching. Her nails dig into her palms and she sucks in a breath.

Malcolm watched, letting her set the pace, but his brows were furrowed in concern. He knelt down in front of her and offered his hands. She took them with a crushing grip.

"...hold on... someone..." her breath hitched.

"Someone's here. Sorry." Malcolm watched in both worry and fascination.

"Its... okay. Take your time." He responded.

He knew what was happening. She was doing what she had told him was "switching". One of her alters was coming. He was very curious, but he was also fearful as to what would happen next.

Would he ruin everything? He hoped not.

Kats eyes unfocused for a second, and then she stopped.

She looked up, eyes blinking.

She continued staring for a second and looks around.

When he heard her voice, he didn't know what to think.

"...I was told to not like... pretend to be Kat."

Malcolms eyes widen, and hes taken aback. Her voice sounds so different. A touch lower, and with a strong Essex accent, her words somehow a mix of dramatic and lazy sounding.

"Uh... yeah. Who is this?"

"Has she told ya any of our names?"

"...No. But I've never asked. Wanted to go at her own pace."

Kat-whoever- nods at that, looking down at their clothes.

"What the fuck is this? Kat I told ya not to dress us in a skirt!"

He looks at the person in front of him.

"You don't like skirts?"

"Nah. Its not my style. I'm Haven. Primary protector and ex-prosecutor. Basically means I didn't used to be a great person. I'll explain more later if I feel like it. Its my job to protect us, and my job to judge whether someone is safe. You seem to be okay for now."

He was at a loss for words. He was given almost zero warning, however he assumed that she wasn't either.

"So what 'ave you said to set 'er off then?" She said, glaring. It was so weird, he thought, how her entire demeanor has changed. Man or woman. Or whatever. He didn't even know.

The glare on her face looked so unnatural, like it didn't belong there.

"We sort of got onto the topic of her past. And then... you came out." He said.

"Sorry, who exactly are you? You specifically. Not just your role." He said, confused and cautious as to where to go from here.

"Are you askin' what I look like?" She responded, the way she holds herself that of a completely different person.

"Maybe. Or just who you are. What you like and dislike, your interests."

She stares at him, tilting her head.

"Well for one thing, my skin is a bit darker then this, Kat is atrociously pale. I've got short, curly black hair and freckles."

He tries to imagine it, but its hard. He's looking at what he knew as Kat, but now, she's someone different.

Haven continued talking.

"I've got sort of big eyes. Small nose. Thick eyebrows. Big-ish lips. I look like I'm mixed race, but I don't like to think of myself as that because I will never relate to the struggles of being black and I will never be fully emersed in the culture. The body is Korean, and I don't think it's appropriate to be say that I'm mixed race because my actual real life body is not."

Malcolm nods. He could understand that.

So Haven, he noted, was a rambler.

"Im an integrated alter. I used to be three people. I have the memories of three different people and I remember them all separately. I have access to all the memories and trauma, so don't fuck with me." She says the last bit with a bit of sadness and anger.

Haven was really closed off, he thought. She looked at him with a fierceness he couldn't describe, and soon, he found himself noticing all the differences between them. The more she talked, the more she became her own person to him.

"I have just a few things to say to you before I go back inside-"

"Inside where?" Malcolm asked, cutting her off, suddenly very confused. More then he already was.

"Back to inner world. We have a whole world inside our head. We all live in an apartment building. Well not all. We have a cave, a pool, a forest, other stuff. When we're fronting, we're sitting in the lobby. I sound insane when I say that, but its true."

She shrugged.

Shes right, he thought.

It did sound insane.

And if he didn't already know a bit about the disorder, he would have called her out.

And some would say the same about his mental health problems.

So he believed her.

"So... you protect Kat?"

"Yes. And everyone else. Its my job. I was the first one made, the first one to take it instead of her."

His brows furrowed at that.

"What does that mean?"

She looks up at him.

"It means that when fucked up shit was happening to us I took her place so she didn't have to deal with it."

He thought about that. Fucked up shit? Like what? Did it have to do with his father? He shuddered at that thought.

It had taken him almost every ounce of willpower to not ask Kat about it, but he figured could ask Haven. So he did.

"Does the name Martin Whitly ring a bell?"

She stood up then, and dragged him up by the collar of his shirt, eyes intense and angry.

"How do you know that name?" She asked through gritted teeth, voice low.

Struck a nerve, then.

"He-He's my father." He said. Her eyes widened and she threw him onto the couch.

"Have you seen him recently? Don't lie to me I swear to God I will know."

He was taken aback. Things had taken a 180 faster then he could even process what was happening.

Struck a big nerve, then.

He could tell the truth, but what if it ruined their friendship?

Or he could lie, but she said she will know. That would probably ruin their friendship even more...

Before he can even stop himself:

"Yes."

She sits down then, eyes clenching.

"You have to take me to him."

He stands up, fists clenching.

"No. Absolutely not." He couldn't let his father ruin their friendship. He wouldn't let him.

"Either you take me to him or I go myself."

"You can't."

"I'll find a way." Her eyes glinting in determination. He suddenly got the feeling that she wasn't joking.

He took in a shuddery breath, hands shaking.

"Fine."

_______________________________________

Haha no proofreading here we die like Eve.

Like and comment yall. These chapters take a while to write and always have between 1,400-1,900 words and I would really appreciate it if this story spread a bit.

Thx yall.

[terminated-baeddel9]

I absolutely do not think Jazabaedel should die. But I think she should consider the weight of her words. She didn't make that joke with her transmasculine friends, she made it at the expensive of people she was trying to hurt. You must understand the difference between those things. Having a breeding kink is fine, but you and her both know why seeing those words without context, from someone who is trying to hurt you would be extremely triggering to a group of people who have a great deal of trauma around that very subject. I suspect the understanding of that trauma was in fact, a large part of that joke. It wasn't a cool one to make and she even admitted that.

And yes, I am very upset by the fact that you implied that we would actually just laugh and not feel hurt by that joke if we just were part of our communities. It makes it seem like you think that Trans men exist outside the queer community, and need to ask for permission from gay men, trans women, anyone else any time we feel something. We are our own people with our own experiences and every day I see people undermine those experiences as less than concerning. And we're dying! We get pushed to the margins and are dying. We get raped and abused and then misgendered in our deaths so that no one even acknowledges that this is happening to us. Every day I see people online who are ostensibly pro trans engage with literal terfs (not in the sense of terfjacketting trans people, I mean self proclaimed gender criticals) because they don't want to listen to trans men and learn the dogwhistles they use for us. I've seen a massive uptick of this. And I see the trans men who call attention to get laughed offstage.

I understand the same is true for trans women, and I would never stand by while someone made the same kind of jokes about y'all. I don't even agree with terms like transandrophobia for this reason. I just don't understand why you think our struggles are so meaningless.

how do we know she wanted to hurt people? was the context not simply someone made a post? a post she saw and understood as a joke? Also, do you believe jezabeaddel was not nescient of this trauma you talk about and was in fact trying to weaponise peoples trauma in a post? I was taking something @transandrophobia-collection said that started these anons who wrote, quote:

#honestly if that person was such a mess that they might have died for being deleted thrn sorry#but i dont give a shit since what they wrote was still extremely transandrophobic and disgusting.#i dont think they should kill themself obviously but i'd have a very hard time feeling bad for them if they did

my consern was not specifically the potential vexation here, it was about indifference.. thats not what allies do, we mourn even the worst of us who die (if not today, maybe on trans day of remembrance) and we communicate with our community to make sure we arent ejecting members out to cisiety.

to address more of your ask: people who speak truth deserve defense and will need it coz ppl will not like it, your assumptions about what i think of trans men is no approximation to what i think.

furthermore, im, agree with your last part, if we are doing activism together we should not be forced to go through a meat grinder of bigotry just to participate in fighting for whats right

Lastly, theres parts to this ask trhat simply cannot be addressed more directly than "this is vastly assumptive and its start can be addressed". so yeah...

... i just dont understand how you can be so sure about this person... like, were you mutuals? did you follow them?