#thats jn core. to me.

[qualityrain]

week 2 goes so hard because neku and joshua really dislike each other at the start and on nekus side its because joshua is joshua(the most obnoxious annoying guy in the world) and on joshuas side its neku representing all the problems of shibuya. but the thing is neku is the exact same brand of asshole as joshua. and joshua has 0 self awareness that hes just hating aspects that are also in himself because this whole shit happened because he started projecting his hatred of himself to shibuya to the point where he was like yeah. this has to go so it doesnt spread. week 2 is literally joshua realising that he IS the problem, actually.

[nervouswaltz]

sorry 4 playing celeste when i promised i’d sit down and write. it will happen again

[anonymous-dentist]

GOD I LOVE YOUR AU ok question time

- who is in the federation of heros? What founded the federation? Are they powered like cellbit?

- how is cellbit one of the first few born? I feel theres a science experiment plot caught in this and he broke containment. I wonder if he found this out due to being able to scare himself, and that fear immediately projecting to others, making THEM just as scared. Id imagine hed be diagnosed with severe paranoia/etc and then like. Oh SHIT its not. That. Oh fuck.

- what was that leadup that made him a supervillain? Something so minuscule yet so big as fear, to be considered one of the high villains of the city is insane. Some people would probably laugh it off an say physical destruction was scarier than mental, until they see what he actually does.

- who did he murder?????? I wonder if it was someone who defied the "everyones fears projected back to them" ability. Someone unaffected by this, like maybe their own ability counteracted it. One of the federations lower ranked heros attacked... as a citizen... i feel theres more than meets the eye here..... but of course it ended with murder. I feel there could be done with something of luzu and his look alike there.

- i still keep thinking about breaking dawn and how forever is also considered richas's dad, and just thinking about it being kinda switched in this scenario. Cellbit walked into forevers life again an now richas has another dad to annoy the piss out of. Though i do feel him an jaiden would be at each others throats in investigation. She would totally be a foh member to me. He tries to take down them through HER.

- why jaiden? Shes probably the most visible with her apparent ability. I imagine her having hummingbird like abilities. Flying at such a fast rate it can change the force of wind itself, etc etc etc (running on coffee an headaches atm sorrie) but she KNOWS something. She knows the foh is fucked up. She knows its dictating the definition of right an wrong, but she doesnt have the power (YET!!!!!!) to kill them from the inside out.

- heros who are seen as the light amongst the city, vigilantes who are the underbelly of a growing problem/an antibiotic refusing to kill the infection, and singular villain who wants to put a stop to it for all. God. I am jn love with this au im sorry can u tell

- and then theres fucking SPIDER MAN. nobody knows who he may work for since, by the logic of q city, if your a vigilante, your working for someone else directly related to the foh, and being sponsored as such. But theres no calling for spiderman, theres even active "have you seen this person" signs around the city, marking them as a non verbalized threat to the standing of foh. Cellbits key.

- now he needs to convince his friends to help him find spiderman. For....... research. Yes. Totally. He wishes to interview spiderman in hopes to figure out "who he works for", which not really. Hes not the best at lying, nor was he really trying. He wants to crack down the foh to its rotten core.

- he even tries to ask roier for help at some point, right? He talks about the signs around the city, says its a shame that hes on a watch list- and how he swings around to actively web heros against the walls to stop them from hurting another person.

- and its convinent theyre on a coffee date (cellbit didnt even notice, roier did, an hes just awkwardly like... hahahahabah thats really weird why would spiderman stop him but also yeah i get that- why would thet get rid of MY hero <:((("

- cellbits subconsciously like. Shit. Pretty boy is pouting about the vigilante. More reason to find the motherfucker.

SORRY ITS SO LONG ENJOY THE RAMBLEEEE

WOW OKAY so let’s see:

1. It’s a lot like the Federation from the canon qsmp, but it’s also more overtly focused on ‘Protecting the City’ from superpowered threats. It stepped in to fill the shoes of the former police state, and by getting rid of the majority of police officers it both opened up opportunities for villains (and thus heroes and thus the Federation) and for heroes (see: previous parentheses.) The founder is anonymous, a “Mister Duck”.

2. I’m actually lowkey playing by MHA rules. Basically, at some point a couple of decades ago, kids started being born with superpowers. It was the more obvious ones that were discovered first, like a girl in France being born with little duck wings. Cellbit’s ability is less obvious, but his parents were constantly overly worried about him because babies and children are always very very scared of everything. Eventually he realized what was up when he was around nine or ten, but he didn’t really tell anybody because even back then he knew that he would “get in trouble” for it.

3. As for villainy, it was an accident. He needed money after his parents died (of sudden heart attacks, and he pretends he doesn’t know what that actually means), and he isn’t a very intimidating guy on his own, so he kinda… helped himself out a little. And it worked super well, so he kept doing it. And he kept doing it. And then he started going a bit overboard with it and the people he was robbing started dying, too.

4. And as for the murder, Cellbit and the hero were both civilians when they got into an argument. The hero, new to the whole thing, ended up using their ability and actually attacked him. He attacked back, notably without using his ability, and he accidentally killed them. The Feds were NOT happy about this, so they messed with the court proceedings and got him sent to prison for three years. But, hey, at least he got therapy there?

5 and 6. Jaiden is 100% working with the Federation in this au. She and Spider-Man are taking very different approaches to what is fundamentally the same issue here. I think her ability is more parrot-y, but she does work for them now. (It’s a very recent development.)

8-10. Spider-Man is a fan-favorite and the Federation does NOT appreciate him ruining their image!! And he knows that he isn’t well liked by them at the moment, and he doesn’t care because it’s fine if Spider-Man dies. He has a job to do, and he is going to do it.

11-end. And it’s a good thing that Cellbit is such a big Spider-Man fan! It’s something Roier thinks they can use to bond. Definitely. Bonding.

…Can you tell superhero aus are my guilty pleasure lol

[lovecatsys]

ough.

I'm contemplating taking a break from tumblr, or at least from the comics side of tumblr for a bit.

these past few weeks this feeling of being... a Fraud has been eating me from the inside out. the fact of the matter is that i have only been into comics for like, just about a year at this point, which means ive only read a really small chunk so far. I've been scared of admitting that because I've been scared of being called out for acting like I've read more comics than I actually have, and i swear to god its been effecting my mental health so poorly that i am admitting it now because it literally doesnt matter. at its core this is just. internet fandom drama. and that should not be affecting me like this.

(more explanation/rambles under the cut.)

I am an extremely, very sensitive autistic guy. When I became part of this fandom it was a bit of a shock because I hadn't interacted with the internet like this in years, and comics fans are... intense. being part of such a large fandom that is so filled with anger, even when justified, has not been good for me.

My whole life I have conditioned myself to try and fit in, to copy the behaviors of those around me, and it has had lasting effects on me. I have been angry, I have been rude. I have copied the behaviors of a lot of people in this fandom and twisted them in very unhealthy ways. I hated it. Especially because when I see people doing the exact same things with different opinions about things i care about, its made me so upset. thats not healthy.

Not sure if anyone remembers the phase I had where I wouldn't shut up about how angry I was that Laura Kinney was whitewashed, but that was something that i was rightfully pissed off about but I was so obsessively angry about it that it wasnt healthy.

In general I react so strongly to people having opinuons I dont agree with simply because Im so caught up in this idea of needing to have the opinion that is "truly" correct so that everyone will accept me and like me. and if that isnt the case, if i have an opinion people i care about disagree with, i become ashamed. Yeah, I really need to work on this jn therapy. its fucked, i know.

I'm not sure what to do, because I want to continue to be an active participant in this fandom, I want to post my fanfiction and write analysis and potentially make character edits, I want to engage with comics fans so I can promote my own comic, but I need to stop this. I don't know exactly what that means yet, but for now I think I might take a break from tumblr. It won't be the first time ive done this, as those of you who knew me as a 16 year old remember, it'll probably be fairly short, but I needed to put this out here and let the people in comics fandom i know see this.

[youtuberswithalex]

Drunk Sides Watch 9

Moving On pts 1 and 2 get their own bc i know im gonna get really really sad

BILL

The first tine with the new ontro

Im already so sad and virgil isnt eben jn yet

V's like "what do i do"

Thomas is so sad im alrwady choking up WE ARENT WBEM AT THE SAD STUFF YET THATS NOT TIL NEXT PART ALEX

Im just,,, so sad that thomas is sad,,,

And patton dad

WHOA WHOA W H A T

Same roman

Thomas :(((

My heart aleeady hurts

HE DIES KNOW HE JUST DOESNT WANT TO ADMIT IT PATTON HINEY

Cherry on topple is my kind of pun

IM TEARING UP ALEX STOP IT

Gods im gonna be a mess next part

DO YOU HAVE ANY? CHILL??

I am? I AM!

I havent watched this video in motnhs which is good bc i havent needed the comfort for romance stuff but bad bc im gonna be a mess soon

Patton is so nervous

Inlove the italian music about thomass grandmother

LOOOK UO THE WORD JOKE IN THE DOCTIONATY

Pattons smike honey sweetheart :(((

ROOM

Pattons like oh gods pls no

Im at the core of a lot of your feelings

Dad i wanna hug you

Romano cheest

IVE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT EBERYTHING

Patton honey

Ibcan box step woth the best of them though SAME

Logan honey same

THE RAINFOREAT RAP

Logans face

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

Im getting giggly pls let me stayblike this

PATTON FORTETTING THOMASS NAME AGAIN

Gay

Thomas is an adult now honey ily

Thomas is just... disteacting himself in thisbepisode. I never noticed that. Hes just... avoiding feeling bad and ouch now my heart hurts

And im running outbof things tonsay

Logan growing concerned honey

HOT

CROSS

BUNS

Ligaan is tryinf so gard AND HES SO CONCERNES FOR V

The music growing intense

Logan hiney dont blame yourslef

THE VOICE

Patton yelling :(

MYVHEART

[nauseoussuggestion]

we were going through a sort of imaginative prayer today at this jr core retreat. the idea was to have this conversation with Jesus. the first prompt was to close your eyes and put yourself somewhere youre comfortable in whether it be at home or at some paradise

it took a lot of tries to see where i was with Jesus. first it was the fence in front of the house at night, which was where i went w andrew after i walked out of my moms car and ran off. then it was the godspell set and all four of the people i saw it with were there. then it was just me and the guy who played Jesus. then it was my emo corner in the church. i settled on the white bench beside the door and gate at the light house. it was hard to have a conversation with him. the only image i would see of Jesus was that of my role models and spiritual leaders like chavez or andrew or geo or that guy who played Jesus in godspell. i probably shouldnt be doing all this name dropping. one of the prompts was to look Jesus in the eye during your conversation. there were reminders throughout to keep breathing and looking in Jesuss eyes but the entire time it was the eyes of,, them yknow. i eventually got in the vibe of it and it was flashing in and out but i was there. this was the reading they were saying (it was around the time i had already started the convo). its one of the two options of Gospel readings we had during pentecost sunday this year. i heard it yesterday during tntt but i never wrapped my head around it. i have a soft spot for pentecost in my heart bc it always seemed so changing. the apostles were a mess and fire happened and i felt from day 1 it was a day of change and courage and confirmation. 

JN 15:26-27; 16:12-15

Jesus said to his disciples: "When the Advocate comes whom I will send you from the Father, the Spirit of truth that proceeds from the Father, “Spirit of truth”. God asked me if i knew he loved me. i said yes. i then asked him why i couldnt love him. thats the first time i admitted to myself that. 

he will testify to me. And you also testify, because you have been with me from the beginning. “you also testify” i thought about the fact that ive wanted to do testimonies for so long. how i dont have the courage to and how i dont have enough to say. i asked God again why i didnt love him. “because you have been with me from the beginning” im probably interpreting this wrong but ig i felt like God was giving me a high five for believing in him and that i knew hes been there since day 1. that i stayed here even if i didnt feel authentic or worth.  "I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now. this one hurt. its stupid but i thought of it as God not being able to tell me why i couldnt love him. i do i think. i dont know how to feel it and i dont know how to act on it through prayer but i believe in God. im just bad at this. the better interpretatino of this is probably to say ‘hey man right now you dont know why youre so apathetic and unfeeling towards God. hell tell you eventually’ But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears, didn’t think much during abt this part. was focused on the whole ‘God aint telling you the truth yet’  and will declare to you the things that are coming. hopefully my death? i want nothing more than to be rid of my inability to focus on what matters He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you. Everything that the Father has is mine; for this reason I told you that he will take from what is mine and declare it to you." this ones. oof. “take from what is mine and declare it to you” i heard Jesus say hed give me the love he has for humanity to me. i heard my dad saying that everything he owned, money or otherwise, was mine to have. the love Jesus has for humanity. dang. 

my mindset in the faith is wrong i know it. this was such a weird prayerful raw moment for me though i needed to write it down somewhere. i cant forget this one. i dont know what it means to love God and i dont know if i do. i mean i know i do but at the same time all these actions and genuine forgetting of him. yikes. i dont know. its not just “hey i dont talk to you anymore i dont love you anymore”. i dont know how to explain it. the sharing of love Jesus has for humanity really comforted me though. i don tknow what to do with all of this i feel so lost and scared and stupid and damned to hell.

[thebirdgod]

May 13th 2017

    I was in my apartment with aunt Barb and the water front of toronto was not developed. We were looking out and there were only two highrises close to shore. The right on had thick black smoke coming from it. The rest of the ground looked like we were scaled down on a concrete cicuit board.

   Aunt Barb and i go to check it out. As we get closer we realise the buuling isnt smoke but rather a steam a shipp behind it. Its an old war ship thats starting up for the first time in a while. It had a rust black metal hull thaf was extrenly long and narrow, probably and 8 to 1 ratio. Atop its deck sit 3 huge feild canons, a brick, a water wheel the cuts through the front deck as a means of propulsion and a brick and cinderblock tower.

    The tower is roughly 12 feet in diameter and has no entrance or windows, from our angle we cab even see the top, we actually cant see any enctrane to the lower levels or a crew for that matter.

   “They need the weight atop the deck right? I think i heard someone say its called a keel” said Aunt Barb.

   Holding my hands above my head i explain how thats untrue. “The keel is a large weighted edge below the vessel that keeps it moving straight and upright.”

    Pointing to the ship she says “then i wonder what thats for”     Its starts to pull out of the harbour leaving a rusty trail behind.

   “Me too”

   We are now with Carolyn and Elliott on a small barge leaving the harbour. The lake is muskoka, and the harbour was the East Bay

   “That cloud looks like Kim Jong Un giving four other cloud people a highfive.”

   “I heard that they made a giant statue of him and had red glass eyes and could shoot missiles out of its saluting finger tips. As it pulled out the harbor it was so heavy that the boat flipped righy when it lulled out of the harbour. Now somewhere jn this lake it a statue of Kim doing a head stand”

    Everyone busts into laughter.

    We keep driving but i grow more and more restless.

    "Theres this new app that can let yoh fly around and dive under water, you should try it out. The controls are wasd and the forward and back arrow keys.“

   I borrow carolyns copy of the app and start to fly. I try and high five all the funny clouds but i am really bad and i keep hitting the wrong keys. Its at this point this entire dream so far had been from the perspective of my digital projection. I am sitting in a chair at my table in the cabin. My physical body is controlling and avatar out on the lake. I had been doing it so long that there was no awarness of not being in two places at once with two seperate copies of my nerve endings.

    I continue to fly, I now understand the controls and i am going reall high up. The arrow keys increase and decrease speed while wasd control direction. I dive down reall fast and speed along just above the surface of the water. I am scared but excited. I disengaged the thrust and allow interia to skip my body across the surface of the lake. I shoot upnout of the water again and spot a loon. I can dive under the water with great speed and hope to witness the loon catch a fish. It dives and i follow, i enter the water with such force that a plum of air extends behind me. The crack of the water rush to fill the space and spooks the loon from its meal.

   Its at this point i realise im dreaming.

   I fly to towards grandpa’s island. The neighbouring bay is now a swamp with herons roosting it the old rotted hemlocks. I stop for a while just to look at the complex system below. I spot Carolyn and Elliot between the Kettles Blueberry Island and Del Morson. They anchored the barge and are standing on a sand pillar. The water is just above thier waist line.

     I realise they dont know Im flying above so i dive down into the water to say hello. I dive to close and barely miss the sand pillar. There are these cute red fish in the water. They are made of three layers of rubber, two red scale layers sandwiching a white organ layer. I cup one in my hands and swim to the surface to show everyone.

    I break the surface and the fish swims from my hands and hovers in the water centered to the top of the sand pillar.

   “I cant beleive we never found this before!”

   “The water used to be so dark that we probably drove right over top without realizing”

   “ the sand feels so nice on the feet, how is it staying up right?”

   “There is a giant magnetic rod in it core that only atracts this yellow sand, thats how it keeps its shape.”

    Uncle B sails up to us accompanied by the saturday sailors. They are going to make thier way through the kettles up to the north bay for a race. He tells us to go in for lunch at the Morison’s. I disengaged my digital projection and canoe over to Del Morison

   “How did you never find this before!!!?”

   “ we never used to swim that far off the point because boat traffic used to be so bad.”

   We go inside to share what we’ve seen and the grandfathrr of the morisons projects holograms of the old island. It used to be way larger, but with the higher water levels the shoreline receeded.

    "Ever since they out in the dams in bala, we have been forved to stop farming.“

    ” the submerged levels of the island used to be littered with small turfs houses and a cattle farm. The division between the two islands was a a narrow 20 foot channel and the shoal of the bay used to be an island itself.

    Jesse and samantha are now in the cottage with us and jesse notices from the old projections the main cottage is still the exact same, it just has new finishes. Off the island towards the Horans, you can see the large rectangular stone foundation wall, and the small rooms marked out by rocks and debris.

    Old man Morison is now leaning against the window sil and looks quite faint. He says not to worry the chilis he ate are just giving him a hard time. He starts to sing this really weird song. It was just noises.

   “Kaba keebi keebi keebi keebi koba kaba keebi koba keebi keebi”

   I was lossing my mind in the dream. I woke up laughing, and kept singing the song from the old man. I didnt record it and i dont know how it goes any more.