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tf-guru · 4 years

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Basic transformation part 2, a transformation story featuring woman -> pig, woman -> fuck plant, man -> demon, and man -> troll MC

Mckenna woke up inside of a beauty salon. Someone asked a question as she came back to reality. She was standing at the counter as the person repeated the question

"So is a full makeover okay?"

Mckenna looked up and at the questioner. The lady behind the desk had a large beehive and a black shirt with a black apron hanging down. Mckenna gathered her thoughts slowly then she asked

"How did I get here?" The neon lights ahead buzzed and the lady laughed

"Through the front door silly, now let's get started." She opened the small gate to the actual salon area and beckoned for Mckenna to come inside. Putting away her worrys Mckenna walked in as the lady continued

"Alright, lets start with your nails." The two lady's sat down at a desk as the lady unpacked her nail kit and introduced herself

"Im Paula, by the way. What's your name?"

"Mckenna" she replied putting her hand on the desk. Paula selected a color and turned around to show it to her

"Mckenna, that's a pretty name. How's this color?" The polish was a dark shade of green and McKenna nodded her head. Paula began to paint her nails and asked

"So, you gonna be in town long or what?"

"Excuse me? What do you mean by that?"

"Honey, its a small town. Everyone knows everybody and since I don't know you you must not be from around here."

"Not to be a bother but what town would that be?"

"Alterbourough, Michigan. Its so small I'd doubt you'd find it on a map."

Mckenna then thought,

'So thats the explanation, I must have blacked out or something on the way to Michigan and then decided to go get a makeover.' She then responded to Paula

"No, were just passing through. My friends and I are heading up to a cabin for vacation." Mckenna's hand sort of felt strange, almost numb. She began to look at it when Paula hit her with another question

"Do you have a boyfriend?" A mental image of Derrick appeared in her mind. She looked at his face but then her eyes drifted down to his trousers. She imagined sucking his cock and how amazing it would feel. She slipped into a lust endured haze and didn't even notice as the skin around her hand began to take a greenish hue.

She finally snapped out of it when she felt the seat get a little moist due to her leaking pussy. Paula had her stand up and head over to the hair styling station. Mckenna didn't think anything of her green arm, only of sucking Derricks cock when she would get home. Paula sat her down and begun to style her hair. Subconsciously Mckenna reached down under her skirt and started to rub her pussy that was now munching at her panties.

Paula asked another question

"So what do you like most about your boyfriend?"

"Oh he's nice but the thing I love most is his big throbbing cock." She didn't know why she was being so upfront with this stranger but as soon as she mentioned Derricks cock Mckenna slipped a finger under her panties and into her pussy. The green had spread to her breasts causing them to not only turn green but to fill out more as well. Soon, half her body was fully green. Mckenna began to slink deeper and deeper into the lust.

Meanwhile...

Hailey entered the strange area and remarked simply on its magnitude

"Holy shit." She walked into the main room and then looked to find two hallways, one was dark and the other featured overhead led lights. Within the hallway was many doors spaced evenly. As she got closer she strained her ears and could hear...

Mckenna! She couldnt make out any distinct words but she new it was her friend.

Mckenna had fully ripped off her soaked panties and was masturbating furiously. Paula stood and watched the poor girl as Paula herself began a transformation. Her breasts receded into normal human nipples, she lost her hourglass frame but gained muscle in return. Soon she was a tall, muscular, man. Paul saw Mckennas lips puff up into a soft blanket perfectly suited for sucking cock.

Paul approached and dropped his pants. Upon seeing his large member Mckenna dazily said

"Must... suck" she closed her eyes and opened her mouth as Paul slid a finger into her mouth

"Not yet my little fuckplant, not yet." Mckenna looked up at him as...

Hailey bursted in through the back door of the salon. She saw her friend, now fully tinted green and called out

"Mckenna! Snap out of it! Don't give in to the temptation!"

Mckenna looked over and said

"What- do you- mean temptations? Wait, why are you here and when did you get so pudgy?" As soon as she finished speaking Mckenna refocused back in to Paul.

"This isn't you! You must resist!"

"Must... resist... must suck! Im a good fuck-" Mckenna was cut off by Paul shoving his penis in her mouth. Hailey tried to run to her but some sort of energy was keeping her back.

"Mckenna! Look at what your doing! Look at yourself! See past the- the illusion!" Mckenna kept sucking as her skin faded to a darker shade of green. Her breast grew even larger but she as a whole began to shrink. Her mouth pressed forwards into a long dick-sucking chamber as her fingers merged into long leaves. As she sucked her thoughts became overpowered by one simple thought

"Must... suck" Paul reached bellow her chair and grabbed a pot. He then lifted Mckenna up and sat her in the pot. She continued to mindlessly suck as she settled into the pot. When her transformation was complete Paul pulled away with Mckenna still suckimg at the air. Paul gave one look at Hailey before running out the front of the salon.

Finally, the force field dropped and Hailey headed towards her friend. She went to grab her friends pot when Mckenna latched on to Hailey's finger and started to suck.

It felt like she was having twenty orgasms at once and Hailey almost fell to the floor due to it. As Mckenna sucked Hailey's previously fought off changes began to come back. Her nose flared up and extended into a pigs snout, her ears grew large and drooped over, and she omce again gained more weight. Looking up past her snout, Hailey saw Mckenna sucking and realized what was happening. She quickly pulled away and the changes regressed until she was back to her chubby self.

Looking where Paul had gotten the pot from Hailey also found a collection of sex toys. Grabbing one she shoved it in Mckenna's agape, drooling, dick craving mouth. She then looked a the sucking fuck plant and said

"Look, I don't know if your still in there Mckenna but we have to find the boys so they don't become creatures like us. Alright, lets go." Hailey grabbed Mckenna by the pot and carried her outside the salon.

Derrick awoke in a small, simple room. Not unlike the dorms back at college. He was chained to the post of a bed with his hands behind his back.

"Hello? Anybody here? Help?" Then, as if answering his prayers Derrick heard a popping noise and then a tall brown skinned man wearing a fancy black suit approached him. Perhaps the most interesting piece was the mans legs. Bellow his waist were two large goat thighs, covered in a thick dark brown fur before finally being completed with two goat hoaves and a tail to boot.

"My my my. Seems like you've gotten yourself into a predicament havent you Derrick."

"How do you know my name? What is this place? Why am I here? Who ar-" the mysterious man cut him off

"Shhh shh shh shh shh. Ill go over your questions one at a time. Starting with introductions. I am Pan a pretty famous satyr, though those Greeks myths were never quite right. Why don't you stand up and shake my hand?"

"I am uh chained to the floor."

"Oh yes! I'm sorry. Off those go." With a wave of his hand Pan made the chains disappear.

"Now to address some of your other questions" Pam continued "The place you're in is my home. Why are you here? Well recently one of my many servants well... let's just say there's a position in my organization and I need someone to fill it. I believe that someone may be you."

Derrick thought about it for a moment as he thought back to the events from before he woke up here.

"Wait. Where are the girls?" He questioned, to which Pan responded

"Oh yes your friends are getting... acquainted with the place. But for you you shouldn't need to worry about them anymore. This is what matters Derrick! Our deal would be simple. I give you the gift of immortality, God like powers, all the amenities my home has to offer, yadda yadda yadda. All I ask in return is just eternal patronage, really a small price to pay."

"I dont think I could do that. I-I have a girlfriend I have a life!"

"Oh tish, why go about your boring human life and eventually die when you could join me and rise above the rest! You could see worlds you never thought you would! Learn things you never thought possible! Magic! Things go way deeper than that puddle you call human existence, trust me. All you have to be willing to do is take it for yourself!"

Derrick was deep in thought for a moment before looking up.

"I agree. On one condition."

"Oh?"

"Mckenna gets to join me. You make her immortal and I will join you."

"Well... hmmm. Its highly unnatural but, what the heck. Deal granted!" The two shook hands and Derrick started to feel strange. Like some sort of energy growing inside him and it wasn't just his penis slowly creeping down his leg.

"Whats going on!?"

"Oh fear not, your bodies just getting acclimated to immortality."

Derrick had always been a relaxed guy when it came to exercise but now it looked like he always had been. His normally slightly flabby stomach was now home to a chisled set of abs. His arms and legs became more toned and muscular. When he felt the changes stop he inspected himself, already glad he made the deal.

But then he felt another change. He undid his tightening pants only to see thick fur, akin to Pan's starting to coat his own legs.

"This wasn't part of the deal!"

"Oh but yes it was, specifically under God like powers."

Derrick was about to offer rebuttal when he felt his legs burst through his jeans. The fur now covered his legs and got to his feet. His toes begun to fuse together in cloven hooves. His penis grew large and flared at the tip, turning into a fully ursine penis. He gripped it and almost immediately cummed as the changes easily brought him to climax. To top it all off Derrick could now feel a tail spiral around his furry legs. He leaned on the bedframe for a moment to catch his breath before finally saying

"Alright, now let me see my girlfriend"

Pan tugged at his collar and begun to explain

"Well it appears your girlfriend well. She did something she wasn't supposed to and well. Let me just bring her in" he waved his hand and McKenna the fuck plant was now on the table next to the bed.

She may have been completely changed into a constantly horny, sucking creature but Derrick could tell it was Mckenna.

"What did you do to her you son of a bitch!" Pan waved his hand and a stack of books appeared next to Mckenna.

"Look Derrick, here's what you can do. In one of these books there's probably a spell to reverse a transformation like that. You familiarize yourself with them and let me know if you need help. Toodles!" And with that final utterance of toodles, Pan was gone.

"Alright babe I'm going to- uhah." While Derrick was busy being mad at Pan Mckenna had found Derrick thick throbbing member and was now quickly sucking.

One second Hailey was carrying her friend turned fuck plant and the next she wasn't. She briefly stopped to look around and called out

"Mckenna!?" She stopped for a moment to listen for Mckennas sucking noises but heard nothing. She them decided she had no time to waste and kept looking down the long hallways filled with doors, trying to listen for her boyfriend.

Around five minutes later she approached a long carpeted hallway when she saw him, joe! He was lying down in a cot in what appeared to be a strange cave. He looked strange, he was covered in dirt and his clothes were all torn. She went to open the door when she felt a hand on her arm.

"I personally wouldn't recommend that young lady." She reeled back in shock at the half man half goat in a fancy suit before her.

"Who-who are you?"

"Im Pan, the famous diety of Greek fame, but that's not important. Essentially I run this place. All the things you've seen, your friend, the farmer, the farm itself. Its all ran by me. And let me say I am pleasantly surprised you managed to resist your changes. Well, mostly." He poked the layer of fat still surrounding Haileys stomach.

"What in the hell is wrong with you! Let me go!"

"Not quite yet. Hailey I'm offering you a deal. Granted how impressed I am with you it would be unfit to simply keep you here without a choice. Here is the choice. You go through that door" he gestures behind him as a glowing door appears. "And you get out of here scott free. Don't worry about the repercussions of your friends going missing I can have that taken care of. Maybe even your boyfriend over there will pass the test and you two can ride off into the sunset. But, you go rush to your boyfriend now and there's no going back. Trust me, there's no way out. Make the smart choice."

"Sometimes... the smart choice isn't the best choice. Sometimes you have to do what's right."

"And to think I had respect for you" Pan dissappeared into a puff of smoke as the glowing door closed. She went over and tried to open the door to the cave but it wouldn't budge.

"This isn't fair Pan!" No response. Hailey watched as her boyfriend awoke and she banged on the glass. He made no reaction to it. She watched as a bearded old man came in and said something to Joe. She continued to bang on the glass.

Joe awoke, alone. He looked around to try and interpret his surroundings but all he saw was an empty cave with an opening to one end. Strewn around him was various medicinal items like herbs, mortar and pestle, bandages, ect. As he finally realized he was super dirty and disheveled a man hobbled into the room and said

"Its nice to see you Joe, how are you feeling?"

"What? Where am I? Who are you?"

"Ah I see, in one of your moods again. Joe, you've been here two months. I'm Jack Hewitt. I've taken care of you ever since the crash."

"What crash?"

"Oh yes, you and what I assume were your friends were driving along the road near here and you hit a tree. I saw the whole thing and tried to rescue all of you. I'm afraid your friends are dead Joe."

"What? It can't be! I thought we had run out of gas and-and"

"Here, drink up. It'll help you concentrate." Jack handed Joe a small vial which he cautiously drank. Almost immediately what blurry recollection he had of them running out of gas shifted to him being dragged from the burning car by Jack. He then remembered snippets of being carried to a small wooded camp and being placed in the cave.

He watched as Jack smashed up some herb in the morter and pestle before offering it the Joe.

"This is the ukamimus herb, wakes you up." Joe took this and instinctively chewed on it slowly.

"If you need anything Joe, don't be afraid to ask." With that, Jack left Joe alone in the cave. Joe thought about his friends. Derrick, Mckenna, Hailey. He thought more about Hailey, and his sorrow turned to arousal with his penis growing in his pants.

Checking that Jack wasn't near Joe took off his riped jeans and touched his throbbing member. He thought of Hailey as he rubbed his cock. Her round supple breasts, her cute brown hair, her ability to eat a lot of food.

He stopped for a moment. Why had he thought something like that? He dismissed it and continued. As he approached orgasm he thought more about her. Her scent. He remembered one time when she came home after a jog and was all sweaty and then they had sex. He focused in on her sweat and how much he liked it. As he was lost in this haze he missed his stomach gain weight. Then he orgasmed, as he did so his balls grew and his penis became even longer.

He stood up, still fully erect and nude and realized he was now at least a foot taller.

"What the? Eh, must have grew in sleep." He then heard his stomach growl so he headed out of the cave almost hitting his head on the ten foot high opening. Almost as if he read his mind Jack was cooking a goat on a skewer over a camp fire.

"Im hunger." He said aloud, not addressing his nudity. Jack said nothing and watched Joe grab a leg off the goat and eating it to the bone. As he ate he gained even more weight until he was sitting around four hundred pounds.

When he was finished he walked back to his cave. The bottom part of his face began to jut out and two of his bottom teeth grew put into protruding tusks.

Going to jerk off again he looked down and felt something was wrong but couldn't quite place it.

"Me... fat? I no fat." Any harder words escaped him as the usually smart Joe searched for words he didn't know. He inhaled his musk.

"I big stinky troll. But I human? I human! Or... I fat troll?" He scratched his head as he tried to figure out the answer.

"I horny troll." With that he jerked off one more time and official crossed the point of no return. At that very moment a door that was previously closed swung open behind him.

"Joe!" The massive troll turned around to see his... his... he couldn't find the word for it. After settling on mate he said

"Hay Hay? Why you here?"

"Im here to get you out. You have to fight the transformation!"

"Tran-tran... me no change. I'm a big stinky dumb troll." Hailey then tried to explain what was happening but Joe wasn't listening. He instead was focused on Haileys breasts and how much he wanted her to suck his dick. A trickle of drool fell from his mouth as he walked towards her, his fat jiggling with every step.

"Joe? Joe!?" He grabbed her and brought her towards his large sweaty penis. She tried to pull away but he was too strong. His penis entered her mouth and the taste of sweat and the smell of musk engulfed her.

'Must resist!' She thought as the sweat covered penis touched the back of her throat. But the smell of his musk soon became too much and she fully gave herself to him.

She regained weight and lost her even slightly thin figure. Her nose flared up and extended outwards into a piggy snout. As her ears grew and flopped over Joe finally came unleashing his salty load into her mouth. He fell back in ecstasy as she detached and fell onto her side. Her eyes lost some of her human blue in exchange for a pigs dull brown. A small tail curled from her backside as her hands and feet merged into simple trotters. Her transformation finished as she rounded out into a barrel shaped body. She snorted and looked up

Pan had entered the room and put a hoof on the pigs back. She looked up at him cluelessly with dull brown eyes. Pan sighed and began to lead her back to the farm.

Epiloge

Joe awoke like most days, horny. Almost two actual months had passed since he had been transformed but Joe did not know or care. He simply woke up, ate a leg off the goat that magically appeared every morning and masturbated. Jack had long gone leaving Joe alone in a small forested area. He wasn't sad or bored. He was content with his simple life of eating, jerking off, and sleeping. But one day that all changed when a girl named Alda had stumbled through the forrest, half human half troll but changing rapidly. By the time they finished having sex she was fully a four hundred pound troll. Now his days consited of eating goat with Alda, having sex with Alda, talking to Alda (which wasn't anything complex given their limited vocabulary), and sleeping with his arms around Alda. And Joe, well. He finally felt happy.

After she had been taken back to the farm Hailey had adapted quickly. Having the mind of a pig made it easy. She had very blurry memories of her friends but otherwise she was like any other sow. She got to eat slop, mud bathe, and have sex with boars. It was nice. Around two months after she had arrived at the farm she was visited by Pan. "Hailey?" She perked up without knowing why and trotted over to the man she remembered brought her here. "Look, I've given it thought and I'd like to grant you an opportunity." She looked at him dumbly and snorted. "Oh, right" he said and waived his hand. Suddenly all of Haileys intelect had returned and memories flooded back. She looked down at her fat quadrupled form and snorted in panic. "Shhh shhh shhh." He ran his hand down her back. She hated how much this calmed her. "Like I said I have an opportunity for you. You can either remain a dumb sow for the rest of eternity or you could become one of my actors. Youd live a good life shape-shifting into various forms to trick people into changing into creatures. I don't usually do this but I was thinking about how well you did in your test even if you did slip up there at the end." She considered her options in her head. As a sow she didn't even realize what she was missing but now that she could think she decided that whatever it took, she would be human again. A minute later Hailey stood up and Pan outstretched his hand "Welcome aboard!"

"Retrindoso!" Derrick let out another spell directed at his potted girlfriend and then sighed at the lack of effect. He had been trying for two months to turn his girlfriend back. Hsi spacious room was filled with books and little notes but still all he had managed to do was make her boobs bigger.The spell he tried was intended to make someone young again so he figured if she was human when she was young she would be human again. Sadly it didnt work. He looked at another spell and put his finger in her mouth and she quickly sucked on it. "Greendeich!" He yelled and waited to see if anything happened. As nothing did he looked for another spell when... Mckennas leaves began to sperate into distinct fingers and her roots spread out into toes. She stood up an eyed Derrick whose attention was still on the book. Her dick sucking mouth receded into a normal human one. She then said "babe?" Derrick spun around in shock. His girlfriend was still completely green and covered in vines but she was humanoid! "Mckenna?!" Mckenna jumped at him and said "I wanna fuck you so bad!" As she began to go down on him Derrick thought 'Hey, its a start!'

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in-paradox-space · 4 years

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In that dip, where the pavement curves and Plummets 2 stories below the main road. A 15ft high wall climbs up above one side, yellow concrete bricks with a musty glimmering hue as the xenon lights glitter off of the mouldy precipitated rain drops. The ones which resurface from surface pressure regardless of weather, as not even air leaves this place sometimes. Above is that large car park where cars stay, but are never seen to enter or leave, despite the amount of overnight cars.

The other side, a concrete wall, the overflow of the pavement used as cement to hold a grittier brick tiling. A main road with 4 or 5 lanes. At this time of night, the buses are just about to stop services. Nobody walks past here and I know for a fact that if anybody hears even a carried echo, distorted shill or scream ricocheting through the bountiful distance between me and them, their shoulders will merge with their chest. They're not gonna leave the only safety of being near the road to enter into this ever darkening subway tunnel.

I realize now. It looks darker to the eyes from up above but down here, a blue light, refracted moonlight is shared with the tarmac floor and illuminates everything. It's not bright, but the surroundings are so dark that the highlights of everything you see illustrate a clear picture. I could see one of them. Wearing a black north face jacket. Big winter coats but he wears it in a way which makes it slim fit.

The left side of him, blue light, almost neon, illuminates his shoulder, his arms, the features of his face. Bushy slim brow. Light skin. 3 shades darker than the palest but an undertone in the light. Almost peach. He's not darkskin, clearly pale, but the lumens change complexion. It even gives an accent. It makes the sight of anyone here foreign.

Oioi, he cries, you better fucking run mate.

I see the knife in his hand. He runs at speed and although there's 3 seconds between the engagement distance, those 3 seconds felt like just a blink. The way he runs, precipitated by confident and also cocky swagger. Cocky as in he's pissed off. He knows the risk of carrying a knife on his person, weilding it and threatening another with it. He's too emotional to account for his own pain... Anguish and torment lead him here and now he is visibly calmer and lighter. In the chest. The feeling of laughter, elated his mood. Diamond eyes. I see the sorrow leave them, visible because now they've left his body.

Poor guy. Tormented... but I'm in recovery too brother, it had to be this way. I was allowed to walk there.

After a short while I noticed there wasn't another figure in the underpass. It was a dark misdirecting of light which created a fleeting feeling of shadow, too hard to make out so the illusion of movement prevails no matter how long you look at it.

Nobody can hear you scream down here. Taunting me, to gauge my reactions, level of fear and visualise which parts of my body react in what ways, tasting and swallowing what he sees right before his arm consumes it, prepared with his body behind him to go use what he learned and adapt to my reactions

So foolish. I'm not like you. I'm not human.

I'm not a girl in a parka coat. You won't take my purse... Your emotions led you here, but I believed.

He lunged towards me. I honestly saw tears in his eyes. Whether he saw them, or he felt them, the scrunching of his eyes, folding his nose and pouting his lips. He was upset as well as angry. If honestly it wasn't his fault that he was there, then it was now. Turning back is out of the question. He had to see it all the way through

In 3 nanoseconds. I realized, nobody is going to help me. Nobody will hear me. This is the most avoidable underpass in the entire city. It's depressing, cold, mouldy. Even terrorists don't wanna reside here. The homeless stay in the open. I didn't even expect this guy here. He's new and clean. How did he even think anyone would come down here?

Into the xenon lights now. His shadow is murkier but more of him is flowing. I can see him well. His figure isn't that stocky. Actually flailing.

He's really emotional. Its a problem. I don't know how I spotted it, but in my lifelong apathy, constantly aggressing in mind and holding my tongue steady. Constantly apathizing the men who lash out at little insignificant things. I know it like the back of my hand now. Useless emotions. I've seen the downfall time and time again. Day in day out. When they act like this, they fail. they're wrong

Patience is tough but it's a vital fleeting survival.

His kindred spirit. Fleeting.

It's really cold out here. His heart said. I'm used to it, he wears a coat (stab protection)

In those 3 nanoseconds. I saw the distance the orange hues travel from the very tall streetlights, above the dip. I couldn't run. I couldn't.

It's uphill, he'd have clear reign over my back side. Not my jam.

Through the dark tunnel? No way. Too cocky, probably surrounded.

Scream? Fat chance. The potential 2 people who may be in radius would hear a faint echo, drowned out by cars, not even louder than a bee. It'd be too late and they'd dismiss it as drunkness, not worth their pain, from the bus interchange.

I wasn't screwed

The people in this town are fearful. Taught to stay to themselves. In that nanosecond

I knew it. This is the end. This is where I meet the most part of pain I have or may ever feel in my entire earth life.

This is the pain I face.

I might die now.

Half a nanoseconds left, I was already moving and I knew in that moment, I had already accepted that I was going to die, so I kept going, nearing the very last leg of my survival.

4, feeling like 5 though, parts of my body moved in unison, I didn't consciously do it, it honestly felt like somebody else used my body as a machine. Maybe my dad's military youth? Preposterous. I knew his weakness. He's just like the rest of them. These lads always fight with emotion, but I was calm

Not now, but the million times I've seen em fail under each others aggressive, exhaustive arms, moving with different strenghts, reading anger and not visual cues

I've seen it too many times. I know it too well.

But I didn't.

I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I was amazing myself... I genuinely believed I was stabbed in the chest.

My knee dug into him, my wrists grabbed his arms and even the blade tighter than I thought or knew possible. I sprained my own wrist, so I know i hurt him... Right?

Three people took hold of me in that moment... Or four. Of me. They were me. Acting for me. The one who reacted steadily, speedily. I charged with adrenaline, excitement. No. It was genuine lust. As my head geared towards him in a tachyon I opened my mouth wide, elating myself to the knife. I went to lick the knife in lust.

Another consciousness took the choice away from me. Like a stern, loving father saying no Andrew thats a bad idea, and it physically took control of my neck, moving and tilting it to the left as it smashed hard as a barrier into his cranium. I did feel agony at that point. A splinter in my spine but I kept smashing and

He was like me. Weak. A boy in his man's clothes. Left beside the gutter to rot

Friends call you mad for walking 10 miles a day in the rain, wearing shorts in winter, adapting to cold with the last chance survival of hypothermic heat when your joints swell up and the ache causes a frictile heat, so you keep going, heat vaporing off your neck in minus

You keep going. Your parents forgot you, but you can't forget them no longer

He didn't know what happened.

I bit his nose, but in reality it was a headbutt. My right eye blistered and bruised.

I broke one of us. I felt it. I don't know yet. My arm moved over his head, with his hand cupped in min.

I believed and accepted I was dead. I wasn't going down without killing him. Taking to the grave.

I was in tears. He was covered. It didn't show on the matte black of his north face. His face became darker. Complexion was no more, just sticky brown and clumping on hair. Reflecting different tones of burgundy blood.

It was difficult to stab the jacket. That's why he wore it. Good idea. I cut his neck but even then. Mercy

I didn't have it in me. Blood was in his mouth, tongue, dripping his teeth. Eyes and nose bruised, some was flowing from his nose.

He looked out of breath, exhausted, agony... Not physically but knowing he has a deep graze to nurse and survive after the attack is over. He said "sorry" "look stop sorry sorry please"

Lying back on the floor. Coughing up little drops which entered his windpipe. I couldn't believe it. My heart felt sadness.

I believed him but I know he'll turn around and kill me if I leave.

I said "just don't do it. Seriously." Meaning 'Share this mercy, don't be a pleb you idiot" or something like that. I don't even know. I said a lot of stuff I didn't know I ever actually wanted to say. It came out and felt cheesy but I understand now why they say if in movies. I understand it.

Even he was sick of it. He knew I wasn't gonna stab him now, weildig the nice tightly in both of my hands. My weight on his, sat on him like a catgitl in missionary

17s had passed. It was awkward. Adrenaline junkies live a lifetime every year.

I struggled to get up, trembling.

Terrified, knowing he's behind me, I walked away. Still trembling. Every step a mile. Crumbling up the long, long, gradient of cement and bichomen leading up the meander to the pavement. Goal was mine

I thought to myself. Someone is charging behind me. The other one. The other ones, in the dark, they saw me abuse his friend. He started on me, its not even fair I just want to get along.

There's nobody. I stood there, turned back. He was lying on the floor. Depleted. Looking tired actually.

I know hes fine, but he probably was waiting for death to come before he finds out he can move and walk home. Once the trembling and shakes wear away.

A mile to the pavement. Everlasting darkness, illusively darker and darker. Nothing to reflect the moonlight and that on tiny, faint, blue fog light from the tunnel ceiling which probably doesn't get a battery replacement for 1 out of its 3 years. Nothing illuminates

The floor was blurry. I don't know what the glow was

I had this feeling in that moment. The years weren't in my eyes, the tears wear encompassing my back, my shoulders, my tongue...

My head felt concussed. I couldn't see. I believed there were men running towards me. From up above, the pavement. From through the tunnel. They could be anywhere. Even if I walk away, they could come from any corner. I was terrified. I felt something new in that moment.

I no longer wanted to be myself.

I desired to be alone. After all the isolation and loneliness. I wanted nothing more to say I was alone. By myself. In the dark fog. alone. On my own. In the dark, where nothing could find me

I was so scared. A new feeling

I wanted to be at a home. It's gone now.

Some time before me two other consciousnesses had passed. One consciousness which displayed my repressed smile towards him; aggression. Like a lion. Snarling. It spoke for me. It mimicked and mocked the silly thoughts which I see these men act on.

That one passed.

As I became me again

But it was an older me. New again. I honestly was a child, in my own man's body. That's when I became a man again. A child. The world felt as huge and unseen as it did that time I was in the playground, age 4. Alone. As always. Lost and alone. Scared, trembling, but I always survive that state.

Nobody knows me when I'm their friend. Alone. Gone. A mystery.

I never want to be alone like that again

and that's who I truly am

The next day. Today. This morning. My body aches... The tinnitus ringing has disappeared, but I hear the memory of its noise in my mind. I hear his breathing. The subtle tones of his breath. It sounded like my old best friend when he 13, a faint sigh he would make in desperation when cornering me, with everything he could muster up at a GameCube game or something.

My right arm, my shoulder, it's weak with pain. Like I've been lifting weights the wrong way all day. My arm feels shattered. Hahaha. I actually forgot about the "stab" a while after I walked home. Then I remembered, thought crud, had this awful feeling of panic. My arms and shoulders became heavy and dropped because I realized, now I remember it, I will feel it's pain and have to struggle more to walk. I looked down to apply pressure, to nurse it...

I couldn't believe itm

There was no wound to be found. Every moment searching for it, I believed it must've been worse than I imagined

But it wasnt

I wasn't stabbed ; a noticed a glowing sensation lift my back neck. I could walk normally from that point on. The brighter white new lights, e@sed my home. Cycle lanes, pavement, road, high visibility and opportunities to run

In fact

The only pain I get was pain of defence. Crumpling his hand. Well. My shoulder really hurts after that. My fingers ache but my shoulders seemed to have carried the tension. My fingers are slow and feel achy though. Ouch.

My head. Wow.

My right eye doesn't even look the same. It's like. Yellow red. The veins are prominent. Like I've been crying from the top of my skull, into my whites and irises. Damn guy

[[MORE]]

Smh, I bet he's bigging himself up now. 'yeye got into a scrap with some dick from the underpass near bury before mate, absolutely sick'

Or maybe he's alone.

He looks alone really.

He looked like me

#alone #personal #knife attack #bury #trigger warning #violence #cw trauma #long text post #havent felt that way in a long time really #i dont even know how ive felt that way before but now i have a new story to tell #happy birthday

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avdancecollective · 6 years

Text

Breathing Spaces: Documentation

breathing spaces

Growing up on Oahu, I’ve always had a strong connection to the land, and having fully embodied experiences of the island just came naturally. My body feels at ease as I imagine sitting on the sand at Yokohama Bay on the island of Oahu, the chill of that 5:00 am wind, the gentle ebb and flow of the waves breaking onshore, and the dolphins on the horizon illuminated by hues of orange and yellow bleeding into the sky. I feel my sternum reaching upwards, lungs expand and my body surrenders to the elements. Having a sensuous and respectful connection to the land is something that is embedded into the culture of Hawaii. As young children we are taught that the land has a spirit of it’s own that we must respect, and that is something I take with me where ever I go.

No matter where I am, the elements of my surroundings are always vibrant and present, and my body is constantly creating a catalogue of the sensations it has experienced. Even in the heart of Melbourne I’ll notice the sound of the birds flying by, the beauty of the sun setting over the city, and embrace the fresh feeling of a crisp wind chill hitting my skin. My memories of places pulsate through my entire body and the use of imagery helps those memories become alive when I apply them to my dance practice.

The process of creating Breathing Spaces included regular studio time with Helen

Herbertson and the rest of the Master of Dance cohort as well as private sessions. During my studio sessions I would often document them through video as well as with journal entries. During one of the shared studio sessions Helen had given us the task of writing thick descriptions that took both the internal feeling and outside point of view of the movement that had occurred. Documenting my work through this method of journaling helped to capture the sensation and energy of the movement on that particular day. And if a studio session was quite fruitful I would be able to recreate it at another time. Also, throughout the past couple of months, collaborations, and cross disciplinary work, have helped to clarify who I am as a performer and dance maker. Through the journey to this piece I have embraced a lot about who I am and that my core values of creating roots and really being connected to where I am will always be a vital aspect to my creative practice.

This session in the studio I wanted to focus on power and simplicity of breath. I started to play around with the idea of imagining the movement of breath through different pathways in the body. I had a very internal focus that allowed me to move on impulses which were brought about by the image of air traveling through the veins and streams of the body. Through this focus on breath I was able to find a clear image of my body, and its sensation in the space.

27/3/18

Inside: The subtle feeling of being still. Feeling my bones fit into where they need to; stacking. Feeling my breath flow through, allowing for spaces of tension to free up. The ribs expand and the lungs fill with air increasing the space within the body. When the space within the lungs open up the central line through the body is clear. It runs from the top of the skull past the entire length of the spine, through the trunk of the body and out. Another breath lubricates the space between the joints, and like a machine waking up it starts to slowly move from its stacked place, feeling the range of where it can go, but always returning.

Outside: The rise and fall of the chest, the serene concentration in her stance. She is aware of her body and being; focused inward. The body starts to react to the breath, she is moving. Her arm moves; unfolding upwards towards the sky. There seems to be a subtle drift, a shift, the upper back is lubricating

Although the focus on breath was something powerful, some times in the studio it was like a see- saw would just tip too far to one side, and that would be all I was focusing on. One day in the studio I was flipping through my journal and stumbled upon an entry that said: “Great movement generator: imagining you are swimming in the ocean back home”. After that, I started to use imagery, and when I thought of a place that I had vivid memories of, my body seemed to know what to do and how to move. Experiences of places, the sensations, scents, air, colors, and sounds all started to feed into the movement. My embodied memories, and deeply rooted connection to Hawaii became the foundation of my work and the idea of focusing on the air and breath in this place became the score for the movement.

My collaboration with my sound designer Mara Schwerdtfeger had helped to generate the places I used in the movement score. At first I told her the piece was focused on the different qualities of breathing, so the first draft of the music was stayed very dark in tone, with a very small range and did not have much of a structure to it. After sending her videos of my private studio sessions, the second draft of the piece came back with a clear three part structure. The very ambient sound and ranges of tones in the music helped me to think of three places on Oahu that hold a significant place in my body’s memory. The following descriptions are journal entries I wrote after improvising with the new sound design. They include imagery of the places and the movement that arose from that imagery.

The first part of the music was very airy and had made me think of a cliffside in east Oahu called the Pali Lookout.

The air, the wind that is what moves me in this place. A gust of wind, a change in the air, my body shifts it’s weight as I try to stay grounded to the earth. Breathing in and out, following the rhythm of my breath as it takes me in and out of the floor riding the wave of its direction. I imagine I’m at the Pali lookout, looking out onto the expanse of the ocean and the depth of the valley. The wind is fiercely blowing, and I’m getting whipped around, yet if I lean forward I’m supported by its force. I give into the forces of nature and let my body ride the wave, I am relaxed. The wind subsides, I pause and scan the horizon. My body has never felt so free.

The second part of the piece was darker in tone and sounded like strong waves gradually swelling in the ocean at night.

Lani Kai Beach: Night

The sky is a very dark shade of indigo; some how the color of the sky at night always has that tint. The waves are rolling in; gradually rising and falling as they travel towards the shore. There is nobody around and the moon is shining on the surface of the ocean. The clear blue ocean has transformed into a black abyss of the unknown. It’s quite unsettling...terrifying actually, my body starts to contract and expand slowly feeling the sense of this place. A thunder storm is rolling in and the smell of rain starts to flood my senses as I feel it trickle down; mixing with the salt of the ocean. The soft patter of the rain hitting the water, the roar of the thunder, the rhythm of mother nature has taken over the calm of the night.

The last part of the music had higher tones and was dream like and reminded me of the my childhood home.

I feel my lungs expand, letting the breath flow in and out of my body freely. Becoming aware of the expanse of the space. Eyes shut thinking of a place. My home. My mother’s orchids are in bloom, their scent filling the air and the colors vibrant. My wrists start to rotate and my fingers unfold; replicating the delicate nature of the flowers. I can feel the morning dew on my feet as I walk through the yard. Looking out at the view, seeing the pink and lavender sky slowly shift to blue as the sun starts rise.

The final piece of music was created after sending these descriptions of places to Mara, who suggested adding field work recordings to the music. These field recordings were subtle and very abstract, however it added to the texture of the sound and helped to create a fully immersive experience which helped me think about my sense of being when I’m in these places. When improvising with this score, I really had to be focused on the imagery and my body’s memory with each place. Though, if I held on to the image for too long the sensations of the places would drift away and I found myself trying to be ahead of the movement instead of staying fully immersed in it. When first working with the score of moving between these places, I found that I wasn’t taking enough time to fully embrace the sensations of each place, and instead was trying to follow the score of the music. In this particular studio session, I found myself using my curiosity with the space I was in as a part of the improvisation because the initial images of the memories seemed to slip away.

4/6/18 Inside: First I see a cliffside. Walking closer and closer to the edge. I settle on a place and feel the wind on my body; I’m like a tree thats been planted there for years; only to be moved by the force of a gentle wind. My body is moving with ease, exploding with bursts of movement as I feel the gusts of wind grow stronger. A shift in the tone of the music, muffled and darker. It sounds like I’m under water. I’m on the beach at night, swimming in the dark. The air is thick and I’m pushing through the mist. I feel unsettled as I surrender to it’s power. Now a dream like shift, I’m reminded of home and my childhood. I’m in the garden, walking around on a Saturday morning. The sun illuminates all of the textures and colors of the orchids and other plants. I try to emulate the orchids with my body, tracing the shapes, curves and intricate lines of this space. The music starts to become more faint, the image is slipping. I wander a bit. And now I am present, looking at this space in front of me. Noticing the straight lines, the sound of the floor boards as I move, and the breath of the city on the other side of the studio.

Outside: She’s walking in the space carefully. She pauses, leans forward as if looking over the edge of something. She leans back as if moved by a force, the movement grows, she is being tossed around. Then a sudden stop, moving her body slowly through the space as if pushing an invisible force away. Another shift, she's seeing something new. Her arm moves in a curve, then her leg lifts and traces the space; moving wildly. She stops again, head tilt arms and legs extend.

I realized that my curiosity with spaces and wanting to fully embody them comes from my need to create roots and become fully immersed in new environments. The idea of using the current space I’m

in as a way of feeding the movement is still an idea that I want to explore, however it is a concept that deserves an exploration that is fully focused on it. This idea of fully embodying a space was used when I created my short screen dance piece /angles a space exploration. This film explored the Vault sculpture in Melbourne, and the idea of this film was to use the camera to bring the audience into a commonly known space and transform it. Also, I wanted to see how my performer Paul Jackson would improvise when given the direction to fully embody the characteristics of the space. I found that when given the direction to notice and embody the space he approached his interaction with the sculpture in great detail, and the camera was able to go in and capture it in a way that a live viewing of this improvisation could not convey. I then started to go back through my memories of places as if pointing a camera at them. Zooming in on the fine details, trying to keep the imagery of the places new and exciting.

When taking the audience into account for the piece, it was a little unsettling that people were going to be watching a very intimate exploration. Often my heart would race and I felt the need to “be good” and my movements would come from my dance training, rather than being produced from the embodied memories. Also because the piece is improvised, I started to fall into the same movement patterns, and often I would hit a wall that seemed to block the flow of exploration through the these places. When I let the previous experiences go and started over, the pure embodied memories of these places started to flood in, and I became curious about the places again. I would see the Pali lookout on a calmer day, where the wind wasn't whipping me around forcefully, or I would be in the ocean during the day instead of night, and I’d notice a different colored orchid in the yard, and the sound of the birds in the morning

20/6/18- Final Performance

Standing in the lights, and becoming engulfed in the sound reverberating through the space, taking my time feeling my breath as I let my body’s memory take over. I am here, alive and present in this space, taking my time and becoming aware of my energy and the energy of the people in this circle watching. But I am also there noticing the grass gently swaying on the edge of the cliff, feeling that warm air caress my skin, I am the leaf being carried by the wind to the sea. I am also under the water as the music rises and falls and the lights breath I feel myself taking in my breath and diving under the wave. And I am also at home running my hands gently along the stone wall, and stopping to feel the orchids, and smell breakfast cooking through the kitchen window.

I am here but also there, taking the audience with me

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