#that's probably why they get so intense about it

[strwberri-milk]

Maybe this is a bit angsty but could I request the LADS men’s (or just Sylus’s) reaction when reader randomly, casually says in a conversation, ‘Well you’re probably not gonna stick around with me in the future anyway’ (so in short, they think they’re temporary).

Zayne's attention snaps to you so quickly you would have thought you told him you're experiencing a cardiac event. He takes a second to process the words, brows furrowing as he asks you why you'd say something like that. His reaction is so visceral you can't help but laugh awkwardly, asking him what he means by that. The confusion tinged with something unreadable and sad hurts his heart, wondering if he hasn't made it clear enough that he's madly in love with you and only you.

He falls silent, pondering your words and his own actions. Has he not been affectionate enough with you? Has he not been obvious enough about how in love he is with you? You start to squirm, usually used to his thoughtful pauses but the tension rising in the air has you suffocating.

Eventually he tells you that you're going to be stuck with him for quite a while because he doesn't intend on giving you up that easily. He cups your face in his hands, telling you that you're the most precious thing to him in the world and he's going to love you until his dying breath, then past that. The confession is quite intense especially since he just looks very intense for the most part so it steals your breath away before Zayne pushes air right back into your lungs with a desperate kiss.

Xavier immediately tells you off, raising a brow as he asks why you think he wouldn't be there in the future. He's spent so many years yearning for your warmth - it seems blasphemous to him not to stay with you until the universe tears you apart and then some. You see the hurt in his eyes immediately, trying to backtrack as he asks you if you really thought he'd leave.

He takes your hands in his gently, taking a palm to cup his cheek as he nuzzles into your warmth, looking up at you with those baby blues that seem to tempt you to fall into them as he repeats the question. Your words are dry in your throat as you look away, his hand coming up to tilt your face back to look at him.

He swears his life to you again, peppering your hand in kisses as he speaks. If you had any doubts about his feelings for you before there's no way you can now, not with the way his voice settles around you. He solidifies his feelings for you, devoting his entire being to you in the quiet space between the two of you.

Rafayel is totally unamused, brushing your comment off as a joke. He fully thinks you're just trying to get under his skin, teasing him because that's the sort of relationship that the two of you have. When you don't respond with your usual enthusiasm he looks at you with a scrutinizing gaze. His lips press together as he starts to realise that you were serious, rolling his eyes as he pulls you against his chest.

He's shaking, thinly veiled anger running through his veins. He isn't really mad at you, but it would be wrong to say that he isn't at the same time. He doesn't understand why you'd think something like that, under the belief that he's made it very clear that he's in love with you and only you. I mean, have you seen him in a room with other people when they aren't you?

His words are soft in your ear, the quietest hint of a threat in them as he asks if you're serious. Nothing about this was temporary, about his feelings for you were fading. They never did and they never could, not even if he fell to his knees and begged for someone to take them from him. He's built on the anger of a dead civilsation and the inability to do anything but love you, telling you that even if you try to leave him he'll just wait until you're ready for him again.

Sylus doesn't even stop what he's doing, chuckling softly at the notion. He thinks you're joking, unable to fathom that you're fully serious in thinking that he won't be sticking around. You feel a little upset at how easily he brushes you off, deciding that you're done for the day as you fall silent. He notices that right away, looking up at you and beckoning for you to crawl into his lap. If you refuse to he'll simply come over and pull you into his lap without question, telling you to repeat yourself.

You repeat the statement, now more unsure of yourself since he's staring at you intently. You can see the slight quirk of his lips, his smirk making your heart beat a little faster as you tell him that whatever the two of you have isn't serious. He laughs at the notion, shaking his head as he cups your face in his hands. He takes in every detail of your face, sighing softly as he buries his face into your neck, peppering kisses as he shakes his head.

He doesn't know what to say, the words all caught in his throat as he holds you. You don't need him to say anything though, the desperate way he clings to your body and his lips muttering the beginnings of words just to abandon them convincing you more with every passing second that he's going to love you until the end of time.

[masochistkatsuki]

New year, New me !!

New years sex, lowk hate fucking ? they love each other don't worry ? toxic relationship probably but the blogs name is literally masochistkatsuki, small plot mainly smut, short fic, not proof read

You and Katsuki were both known for being hot headed and stubborn, for lack of a better word, cunts. Neither of you actually asked the other to date, but by the end of the year, everyone considered Class 1-As explosive enemies a couple. Besides, for people who apparently hated each other, you always found a way to constantly be together or talking, even if it was arguing.

On new years eve, the class decided to do their resolutions together. With the heater blasting, the third years of UA Academy sat around and talked respectively amongst themselves. However, from where you and Katsuki were yelling at eachother, you heard your name being mentioned.

"Yea .. both of their resolutions should be to act less angry."

"You know.." Izuku's freckles slightly moved from how his face muscles contorted. He was clearly trying to find the right way to word this.

He knew no matter what, someone was going to blow up at him, but he could hopefully make it so it didn't instantly kill him ! "You dont have to start acting all super nice.. but.. acting a little less mean couldn't hurt.."

Unfortunately for him, damage control wasn't an option, and he was sent back to his dorm shaking. You'd finally gotten into Katsuki's room, stretching out on his bed as if it were your own. "Tch."

Your eyes narrowed over at the blonde boy. His dark eyes matched your own intensity. Something about him was pissing you off. Maybe it was the scoff, or how his biceps seemed to struggle against the tight fabric of his shirt.

It was clearly not an unrequited feeling, his cheeks turning an embarrassing red. "Hah, why the fuck do you look like that, Katsuki ?"

His eyes squinted slightly, as if he was getting a better look at you. "Cut that shit out." His deeper voice echoed out, a tone of command lacing it.

With anyone else, they would have submitted, letting everything that was Dynamight take them where they laid. But you.. You made him so fucking mad. No matter what, you bit back, taunted him, teased, never let him.

"You know, I think maybe you should be less of a dick." You spat, looking up at him, fluttering your eyelashes in the way you knew drove him insane. Youd always been infatuated with how easily he ticked, and soon became obsessed with the feeling of pushing his buttons or getting under his skin.

He huffed, his chest puffing out infuriatingly boyishly. He was so dramatic. But thats what drove your pleasure, seeing him so worked up. "And what about you ? Huh ? Your a fuckin bitch."

You smiled, a look that Katsuki could only describe as 'Evil' in your eyes. "Fine. Ill work on it. " You absolutely werent. Someone who was trying to be nice, wouldnt torture him with the words "Why dont we let this anger out one last time ?"

★☆★☆

"I fucking hate you." He was panting almost pathetically, hot words rolling off his tongue and onto your neck. Matching bruises and marks of teeth spread across both of your necks. A competition of who could give the other the worst time covering it up.

"Yea, you're fuckin me like a softy." You grabbed at his hair, pulling his head up to give him a sloppy kiss. With teeth clashing, you fucked your hips into his faster. His hands tightened their grip on you, threatening to leave bruises.

"Don't fuckin move.. Hah.." He bit harshly into your neck, to the point you worried blood may spill. "I.." Despite how mean he was being on your neck, words failed to come out.

"This is how you should be fucking me, not whatever weak shit you were doing." You pulled his hair in response to his aggressiveness, reminding him you weren't letting up.

"You really are a bitch.." He reset his hands, getting a better grip at your hips before he slammed you down to his balls.

"Fuck.." You stuttered, pleasantly surprised by the feeling. He continued fucking you into him, his pace only getting faster, the sounds of skin slapping and an infamous wet movement.

"Dont fuckin know how ima put up with your ass for another year.. Probably just gonna get worse as they go by.." Despite the rude sentiment, the detail on spending more years together didnt go unoticed by you or your body.

"Don't get cocky, you know you'd be begging for me back if you decided you didn't want to handle this." You smirked, a knowing one hed seen all too many times.

"Wait.." His eyes widened, and he attempted to stop your movements, but in the heavy heat overwhelming and pleasuring his body, he was too slow to stop you.

You rolled your hips flush against his, circling them slowly in an O motion. "I hate you, Katsuki." You smiled softly, basking in how he bit his lip and growled at you to wait.

"Fuckin.. whore.. you know what that does to me" He cried out, usual bite becoming softer. His hips desperately fucked into yours, his cum spilling out in fast spurts.

With each thrust in and out, his cock came out covered in more release and slick each time. Your bruised hips and neck were the cherry on top, calling his attention, begging to be eaten. "Yea.. thats why I love doing it."

He sighed, and brought his hand up to cover his mouth. Only you would know, there was a stupid ass smile hiding under it. He thinks, maybe, if he could see this sight throughout the year, he'd be just a bit less harsh.

Team Player Part four is being written now !! Sorry for the Hiatus, work has been killing me. Ill be back regularly and responding to everyone soon, I just need some me time. Thank you everyone for the kind messages, I get nervous actually responding sometimes, but I am reading them and appreciating them greatly. 💗 Happy new years, everyone !

[solavita]

ultraviolence — sylus (l&d)

pairing ; sylus x fem!reader

words ; 4.0k

synopsis ; you were married to sylus because of an arranged pact he had with your father. and it seemed as if there was nothing you could do to get his attention.

warning(s) ; smut (18+), darkish themes, mentions of crime, mentions of sex, power play, manipulation/power dynamics, THIGH RIDING, themes of voyeurism and mild exhibitionism, fake relationship (basically), arranged marriage.

chapter ; 1/? (i might write more if ppl want it)

a/n ; i'm new to this fandom . . . . sorry if my lore isn't correct but also um. yeah! hi. sylus brainworms.

You were convinced that you were going to be in this golden cage forever. 

Ever since you had been married off to the leader of Onlychinus for your family to exchange your life for a significant amount of money for their access to exclusive protocores, you hadn���t had much of a life of your own besides the four walls of the huge mansion where you now resided. Sure, you were given a life of luxury that almost no one in the N109 would even dream of having, and you had more money than you would ever need, but the one thing that you wanted seemed so abysmal for a person like you. You’d always been primed to be sold off to the highest bidder and yet for some reason you thought the man you would’ve married would at least be there. 

But the only time you saw your husband was the meal in the morning and the meal at night, sometimes not even then. It was like he was keen on pretending that you didn’t exist, and it was beginning to drive you insane. This was not how you wanted your life to be for the future, no matter how many ‘gifts’ he seemed to give you while he was courting you, or how the servants were forever indebted to you. Was he seeing someone else? He was gone for long hours, sometimes into the night . . . Was he truly just not interested in you? 

It made your blood boil. Your blood pressure was at an all time high whenever you even began to think about it. 

You were friends with multiple women that you had known since birth, all daughters of the N109 zone’s elite — another name for the most influential criminals. They had all been married for longer than you, fawning over the praise and the love and attention they got from their husbands. What made you even more rageful was when they would talk about what their husbands were like in bed, always asking you what Sylus was like. After all, your wedding to him was something that made history and the gossip that surrounded you for being the woman who would get to share his bed was at an all time high. It had been two weeks since you had been married, they were itching to get even an ounce of gossip to go back and tell their families about. 

You sipped on your glass of wine, flicking at a feather that had fallen out of the intricate laces of your bodice, trying to come up with some type of deflection to get them to stop asking so many questions. “Oh, you know Sylus, he doesn’t like to have his personal life talked about,” you chided, hoping that the threat of being in his bad favor would get them to cease. Instead, it made them lean in closer, one of the younger girls giggling. 

“Come on. We won’t tell. Tell us, Y/N, what’s going on under all that black clothing? I just know he’s given you a good time,” She said in a hushed whisper. “We were surprised you could even walk when you came to the club today. The honeymoon phase is the most intense, you know.” 

You were fucked. 

How were you supposed to tell your closest friends that your wonderful husband has probably looked at you a total of five times (twice at your wedding) since you had been married? How he seems to act as if you are just another person that he can use for his whim whenever he wants to? You were certain that you didn’t even know anything about him. And he was the person you were supposed to be sharing the rest of your life with? It was infuriating. So infuriating that you eventually came up with a reason why you had to come home, having your driver come to pick you up and take you back to your shared mansion, your insufferable golden cage. 

You huffed, opening the door and shutting it with a ferocity you were not even aware you had, slamming down your handbag onto the grand table in the middle of the hall. You began to fiddle with the clasps of one of your golden bracelets. It was dark inside the house, as there was no need for all the lights to be on when there were never any guests here besides your husband's workers anyways. 

“Touchy.” 

You turned on your heel to the source of the voice, being met with the figure of your husband leaning against the doorframe. He was still wearing his outside clothing, like he just got back home himself. Dark black leathers with maroon tinged undertones colliding with the paleness of his skin, silver hair neatly pushed back. Sylus stood there, his presence commanding even in the dimly lit hallway. His unreadable eyes — piercing and cold — scanned you briefly before a slight smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. It wasn’t warm. It wasn’t inviting. It was something else entirely. Something that made your stomach tighten with a mix of frustration and unease. 

“You’re home,” you said curly, your voice laced with the irritation you didn’t bother to hide. “What a rare occurrence.” 

Sylus arched an eyebrow. He cocked his head slightly, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "I could say the same about you. Didn’t expect you back so soon from your little gathering." Your heart skipped a beat at the way his words lingered, his tone deceptively casual. He knew. He always knew. You hated how he could so easily pull the ground out from under you.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” you lied smoothly, resuming your struggle with the clasp. Thought it better to come home early.” 

“Ah,” he said, stepping closer, invading your personal space that you were unsure was even yours anymore. “Funny, though. Your friends seemed to be having a . . . lively discussion about me. Or should I say, us?” 

Your hands stilled entirely, the bracelet slipping from your fingers, clinking loudly onto the table. “What are you talking about?” You asked as you shot him a glare. You assumed that he would know where you were at all times — being as controlling as he was over his assets — but there was no inclination that he would know what you were talking about. Did he always know what you were talking about with your friends? Or an even better question, how did he know? 

 "They’re quite the curious little group, aren’t they? Asking all sorts of... intimate questions."

Heat crept up your neck, a mix of anger and humiliation. You couldn’t believe that you were being cornered over something that wasn’t even your idea to bring up in the first place. And furthermore you couldn’t believe that he was willing to bring it up in the first place. It wasn’t as though he seemed to care about intimacy anyways. “It’s none of their business,” you snapped, meeting his gaze despite the flush blooming in your cheeks. “And it’s certainly none of yours.” 

“Oh, but it is my business,” he countered smoothly, his tone almost teasing. “After all, they’re speculating about me, aren’t they? Wondering what kind of husband I am. Whether I’ve been . . .” He paused, allowing for the words to simmer. “. . . attentive.” 

Your jaw clenched. He was enjoying this. Watching you squirm under his scrutiny. “If you’re so worried about appearances, maybe you should try actually being here once in a while,” you shot back, though your voice betrayed the faintest tremor. “Then people wouldn’t have to wonder.” 

He chuckled. “Oh, Y/N,” he said, tilting his head slightly. “You’re fiery tonight. I almost prefer you like this.” He leaned in just enough that you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. “But let’s not pretend you’re worried about appearances. You’re angry because you don’t know. Isn’t that right?” 

You hated how his words cut so intricately through you, like he knew exactly what to say to make you even more irritated. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, though your voice betrayed you as it was barely above a whisper. 

“No?” His gaze dipped to your lips for the briefest of moments before returning to your eyes, his smirk softening into something more . . . calculated. “Then why are you blushing?” 

You took a step back, desperate to reclaim some semblance of control over the situation. “You’re insufferable,” you snapped, crossing your arms across the bodice of your dress in an attempt to shield yourself from his penetrating gaze. The anger in your chest burned hotter, fueled by his smugness, his cryptic remarks, and the undeniable pull he seemed to have over you. You stormed upstairs to your room, your heels clicking angrily against the polished floor. 

The nerve of him. He’d come home, cornered you with your own frustrations, teased you to the point of boiling over, and acted as if none of it mattered. As though you didn’t matter. The gall of the man was enough to make your blood boil — and yet, you couldn’t stop the way your heart was pounding or the heat that lingered on your skin from his proximity. 

You hated him for that. 

You hated him for making you feel anything at all. 

—

You barely got any sleep last night. It was partially because of your encounter with your husband, but also because you decided it was time to devise a plan. You would make him cave into desperation for you. You would wear your most frilliest, most revealing nightgowns to breakfast in the mornings. You’d make yourself look more appealing than ever, makeup done every day, hair perfect. Anything to make him cave first. 

You woke up with a renewed sense of purpose. But it was no matter, you had a plan now, and you weren’t going to back down. If Sylus wanted to play games, you were going to make sure you played to win. Your reflection stared back at you, confident and calculated, a far cry from the simmering frustration of the night before. Your nightgown was a delicate thing, soft and sheer, with intricate lace that hinted at everything underneath but revealed just enough to spark curiosity. It was utterly impractical, especially for breakfast, but that was precisely the point. 

You smoothed a hand over the silky fabric and inspected your work one last time. Hair perfectly styled, lips painted a tempting shade, and just the faintest touch of perfume — enough to linger without overwhelming your target. 

Sylus was already there, seated at the head of the table, his posture relaxed as he sipped his morning coffee. He looked up at the sound of your footsteps, his red eyes narrowing slightly as they flicked over you. For a fraction of a second, his gaze lingered on your nightgown, his jaw tightening imperceptibly. It was small enough that perhaps he thought you wouldn’t notice. But you had a long history of deciphering men’s faces. You suppressed a smile. 

Got him. 

“Good morning,” you greeted, your tone light and airy as you took your seat across the table at the other head, like it was a normal morning. Except this time, you made a point to adjust your nightgown enough to reveal the expanse of your collarbone. 

“Good morning,” he replied, his voice steady, though his gaze was sharpened. He set his coffee down and leaned back in his chair, studying you with a look that was equal parts amused and intrigued. “You’re up early.” 

You sighed, like it was something trivial. “Couldn’t sleep,” you said breezily, reaching for a piece of fruit. You took a small bite, ensuring your movements were slow and deliberate, before glancing at him through your lashes. “Thought I’d make the most of the morning.” 

Sylus didn’t respond immediately, his eyes lingering on you in a way that made your pulse quicken. “I see,” he said finally. He picked up his fork, his movements as calm and deliberate as ever, but there was a tension in his shoulders that definitely hadn’t been there before. 

Checkmate. 

He could act indifferent all he wanted, but the flicker of tension in his demeanor told you everything you needed to know. This was only the beginning.

You’d make him cave. You’d make him desperate. And you wouldn’t stop until you had the upper hand. 

—

Two weeks passed, and your efforts to make Sylus cave felt like a maddening exercise in futility. Despite your nightgowns, your perfectly styled hair, and your flawlessly applied makeup, Sylus remained infuriatingly stoic. He seemed to notice, oh yes—his lingering glances and occasional tightening of his jaw betrayed that much—but he never faltered. Never gave you the satisfaction of knowing you’d cracked his facade.

You were at your wit’s end.

That’s when the idea struck you: if he refused to react in private, you’d force his hand in public. You didn’t hesitate. Tonight, you’d wear the most scandalous dress you owned and make your presence impossible to ignore. Sylus had mentioned during breakfast that he had a meeting with some of his “business partners” in the main study. You knew what that meant: the criminals who operated under his shadow, men who thrived on power and weren’t subtle about their vices. If Sylus wasn’t going to crack under your teasing in private, maybe he’d crack in public — especially with prying eyes. 

The dress you chose was bold, scandalous even. The deep red fabric hugged your curves in a way that felt almost indecent, with a neckline that plunged daringly low and a slit up the side that revealed more than enough leg. You paired it with high heels that clicked against the polished floors as you made your way to the study, your heart pounding in anticipation.

The room fell silent the moment you stepped inside.

Sylus was seated at the head of the table, his silver eyes snapping to you instantly. The men seated around him — a motley crew of hardened faces and expensive suits — turned as one to look at you, their gazes lingering in a way that made your skin crawl. But you didn’t falter. You walked in as if you owned the room, pretending not to notice the way their stares burned into you.

“Y/N,” Sylus said, his voice sharp enough to cut through the thick silence. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, don’t mind me,” you said sweetly, placing a hand on the back of one of the chairs as you leaned slightly forward. You could feel the weight of their eyes on you, but you kept your focus on Sylus. “I was just looking for a book. Thought I’d stop by and say hello.”

One of the men let out a low whistle, and another chuckled under his breath. “That’s quite the dress for a library run,” one of them remarked, his tone dripping with suggestion. “Sylus, I didn’t know you were keeping such… exquisite company.” The room erupted into muted laughter, and you saw the way Sylus’s jaw tightened, his knuckles turning white where his hand gripped the armrest of his chair. His gaze flickered to the man who’d spoken, then back to you, and for the first time in weeks, you saw something crack in his composure.

Sylus stood, his movements slow and deliberate as he adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves. “We'll continue this discussion later,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. The men exchanged glances but nodded, rising from their seats and filing out of the room. A few cast lingering looks in your direction, but one sharp glare from Sylus sent them hurrying on their way.

When the door finally closed behind them, the silence was deafening.

“Do you have any idea who those men are? What they could’ve said — what they could’ve done — if I wasn’t there?” His eyes narrowed, and for a moment, neither of you spoke, the tension between you crackling like a live wire. Finally, he took another step closer, his presence overwhelming. “You’re trying to provoke me,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “And it’s working.” 

The way that he was looking at you, like you were prey, was something that you knew you should cower under. This was when he expected for you to give it up, but with all the frustration that you had over almost a month of being with him, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. He walked up to you, pinning you between the door and himself, ever so imposing, like he was trying to make you cower. Instead, you looked right back up at him, your eyes meeting him, almost begging him to do something. Anything. Sylus’ hand came up in between the two of you, his fingers toying with the expensive fabric of your dress, so close to your chest. And then, in the split of a second, that same hand came to your throat, forcing you to look up at him, showing you that there was no way of getting out of his trap now. Or was it your trap? You weren’t sure. 

Sylus pressed his chest to your own, hand on your throat squeezing ever so slightly, fingers clinging against the expanse of your neck. You could feel his wedding ring dig into your skin, a stark reminder that this was the man that you married. You waited for him to say something, to break the imposing silence that immersed the two of you. He slotted his knee in between your legs, pressing right up against the place where you wanted him the most. 

You gave him a look, a look of hesitation or confusion, you weren’t sure. 

He chuckled. 

“Well, you wanted me, didn’t you?” He asked, a condescending tone that made you want to rip your hair out. He pressed his knee even higher up, the friction of your panties and his clothed knee making you almost whine. “Then use me. Since you want to dress like that.” 

You stared, much like a deer in headlights. 

And then it hit you. 

Oh. Oh. 

He wanted you to use his thigh. 

The realization struck you like lightning, and your breath hitched in your throat. It was his trap. One that you’d walked into oh so willingly, and yet somehow still managed to underestimate. His knee pressed against you again, and you felt your cheeks flush, heat pooling in your core despite the anger and frustration that still simmered beneath the surface. 

“Well?” Sylus prompted, his voice low and dangerously calm, his fingers tightening slightly around your throat. “I’m waiting.”

Your pride screamed at you to push him away, to refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing you like this, but your body betrayed you. The closeness, the tension, the weeks of pent-up frustration — all of it coiled inside you, leaving you trembling and unsure whether you wanted to slap him or give in to him completely. You tried to speak, but the words caught in your throat. Instead, you moved instinctively, your hips shifting ever so slightly, testing the friction against his knee. His smirk deepened, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest as he watched you. 

“Good girl,” he murmured, his voice dripping with condescension. His free hand moved to your waist, gripping you firmly as he guided you, forcing your hips to rock against him. “That’s it. Don’t be shy now. This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

Your nails dug into his shoulders, half in resistance and half in a desperate attempt to ground yourself. The sensations were overwhelming, every movement sending sparks through your body. You hated the way he was watching you—like he was completely in control, like he knew exactly how this would end. “You’re insufferable,” you managed to hiss, though your voice lacked the venom you intended.

“And yet,” he said, his tone soft but cutting, “here you are, doing exactly what I tell you to.” The words sent a fresh wave of heat through you, your frustration melting into something darker, something you couldn’t deny anymore. Your movements became more deliberate, your breath hitching as you gave in, letting the friction build with every slow, grinding motion. You had purposely worn underwear that was barely there under this dress, and now it was your kryptonite, the friction of his clothed knee, the way you were practically bare grinding against him, the way his other hand guided you with such ease. You were beginning to feel dumb, your head lolling against the door as you chased the high that you had been wanting for what seems forever. 

You couldn’t even listen to what he was saying, something about you being so good for him, so malleable like this, how he should’ve done this sooner if this is what got you under control. You didn’t care, whimpering and closing your eyes, a conglomerate of his name and swears leaving your mouth. His hand left your throat, where you were sure were bruises, and instead came to join the other on your waist, setting an impossible pace to make you reach that orgasm that you so desperately wanted. It was so much friction it hurt, but you kept chasing it. You dropped your head down to lean against his chest, and sure enough, you saw the embarrassingly large wet patch that you had created on his dress pants. The seam of your panties got wetter as you moved, the pain of the friction all melting into your pleasure. 

“Beg me,” he ordered, much like how he commanded any space that he was in. 

You shook your head, not willing to give in. Even though you were practically the one who lost this game anyway. “No.” You said as he pulled you back and forth, your hips bucking as your legs began to shake. You were sure that if he wasn’t holding you up, you would’ve fallen to the floor. 

“Beg me,” he said through gritted teeth. “Or I’ll stop.”

“No, don’t — Sylus, don’t stop —”

“You want to cum? Then ask nicely. Just ask me and I’ll make it all better.” 

You could feel tears begin to prick in your eyes, the pleasure becoming too much. You were so close, just about to reach that edge, and yet his hands began to slow down. You whined, your hands pushing against his chest, which was to no avail. You were so fucking close, your hair you had perfectly crafted sticking to your face in a hot sweat. 

“Fuck, fine. Please, help me cum, please, oh fuck.”

And just like that, he continued the unruly pace, his head bowing into your neck, a mixture of lips and teeth meeting your skin. That was what did it for you, your legs squeezing his as you shook through every single second of your orgasm. You could feel every piece, every ounce of your essence in it. Your hearing went fuzzy, sighing, eyes rolling open as you tried to come back to yourself. Your hand was pressed against his chest, fingers creasing the black fabric of his dress shirt. 

When your eyes finally met his, you couldn’t look away. And Sylus? He looked at you as if he had won some type of prize. You were too exhausted to be angry though, your defiance nowhere to be seen. 

“I didn’t even touch you,” he spoke, with a tsk. “You’re such a needy wife.” 

You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could, Sylus was pushing away from you, causing you to lean your entire body against the door. His eyes scanned your face and then he was leaving out the door on the other side of the room, leaving you there. 

Leaving you to miss his touch. 

And it was then that you realized it was his game all along. 

[p0orbaby]

R thinks Alexia is embarrassed to be dating her because R hasn't met her friends when in reality she doesn't want the team to scare R away.

-

The first thing you notice when Alexia walks through the door is her expression. A mix of contentment and exhaustion, like she’s just finished saving the world but could still go another round if she had to. Her hair is tied back in that effortlessly perfect way that you’ve never quite managed to replicate, no matter how many YouTube tutorials you’ve watched.

“Hey,” she says, setting down a bag of groceries on the counter like it didn’t cost her at least fifty euros for whatever organic nonsense she’s insisted on this week.

“Hi,” you reply, the word clipped, your voice low.

She pauses, turning to look at you with that face. The one that says she’s already analysing the situation and will probably win whatever argument is about to unfold. You hate that she’s good at this. You hate even more that you’ve already lost, but you press forward anyway.

“So,” you start, trying for casual but landing somewhere closer to brittle, “I was just thinking. You know how we’ve been dating for, oh, six months now?”

Her eyebrows lift, just a fraction, but she says nothing.

“And how I still haven’t met any of your teammates?”

There’s the flicker of understanding in her eyes, followed by something that looks suspiciously like guilt. You press on, emboldened.

“Not even one,” you add, holding up a finger for emphasis. “Not Irene, not Keira, not even Ingrid, and she seems like she wouldn’t hurt a fly”

Alexia sighs, rubbing a hand over her face, and you know you’ve struck a nerve. “It’s not like that,” she says.

“Oh, isn’t it?” You fold your arms, leaning back against the counter. “Because it kind of feels like you’re embarrassed of me”

That gets her. She blinks, her mouth opening and closing as if she’s trying to form words but failing spectacularly. You’re on a roll now.

“I mean, it’s fine if you are,” you say, with a shrug that’s entirely too casual. “I get it. I’m not, like, a professional athlete or anything. I don’t even know what half those drills you talk about are. I had to Google what a rondo was”

“Cariño,” she interrupts, her voice soft but firm, and it derails you just enough to make you falter.

“What?”

She steps closer, her hands finding your hips in that way that always makes your resolve crumble. “I’m not embarrassed of you. I could never be embarrassed of you”

“Then why—”

“Because,” she cuts you off again, her forehead resting lightly against yours now, “my teammates are… a lot”

You blink at her, thrown. “A lot?”

She nods, her lips twitching like she’s trying not to laugh. “Yes. Imagine a group of very competitive, very opinionated people who spend way too much time together. Now imagine them interrogating you about every single detail of our relationship”

“I think I could handle it,” you say, but your voice wavers just enough to betray you.

Alexia smirks, pulling back just slightly so she can meet your gaze. “Could you handle Mapi trying to figure out your star sign within five seconds of meeting you?”

“I—”

“Or Patri asking you whether you think pineapple belongs on pizza?”

“I mean—”

“And then there’s Aitana, who will definitely ask if you’ve ever made me cry”

Your mouth opens, but no words come out. She raises an eyebrow like she’s already proven her point.

“Okay,” you admit after a beat. “That does sound… intense”

“Exactly.” She presses a quick kiss to your forehead before stepping back, as if that seals the conversation. “I just don’t want them to scare you off”

“Alexia,” you say, grabbing her wrist before she can fully retreat. “I’m not going anywhere”

She looks at you then, her expression softening in that way that makes your chest ache. “I know. But you’re too good to deal with all that. At least not yet”

“Not yet?”

“Maybe next month,” she teases, a rare grin breaking across her face.

[viasdiary]

☆ i'm yours (luigi mangione x reader)

☆ word count: 2.4k

☆ warnings: slightly toxic, smut, unprotected sex, breeding kink, not really proofread

☆ after taking a break from each other, you decide you should make it permanent. you invite luigi over to break up with him but he's got something else in mind.

luigi was so wrong for you, but you couldn't get enough of him. even after you'd broken up and gotten back together time and time again, you'd always end up back with him. this time was different though. you'd found someone to take your mind off of luigi, someone who made you feel so good about yourself. you were finally ready to let him go.

sitting on the couch in your living room, you pick up your phone and call luigi. he picks up after the first ring.

“hey what’s up,” he says, aiming to sound nonchalant but miserably falling short. he sounded like he'd been longing to hear you so badly.

“hey lu,” you say, feeling a pang of intense guilt. he has absolutely no idea what’s coming next.

“i’ve been meaning to uh-” you begin to say, before realizing you just don't have the heart to break up with him over the phone.

"why don't you come over tonight?" you suggest, your voice softer now, as if you’re bracing yourself for the weight of the words. "there’s something i’ve been meaning to talk to you about”

“uh yeah, i can probably be over in about an hour”

you nod, even though he can't see you. your fingers grip the phone a little tighter, and you press your lips together, trying to steady your breathing.

"okay, yea. i'll be here," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

the call ends before you can say anything else, and the sudden silence in the room feels almost suffocating. you stare at the screen of your phone, the echo of luigi’s voice still lingering in your ears. an hour.

you sit there for a moment, trying to gather yourself. you fidget with the hem of your sweater anxiously. the weight of what you’re about to do presses down on you, and you wonder if you’re making a mistake. but deep down, you know this is the right thing. you’ve been holding on for too long, and it’s time to let go.

the clock on the wall ticks louder than usual as the minutes slip by, each one pulling you closer to the moment when you’ll have to look him in the eyes and finally say the words. the words you’ve been avoiding, the ones that will end everything.

you stand up, pacing the small space of your living room bathed in the amber glow of the sunset shining through your window. you're not sure what to do with your hands, or your mind for that matter. the thought of luigi showing up here, of seeing him and feeling that familiar pull, makes your stomach twist. it’s always been like this—he’s always been like this. he’ll look at you with those wide brown eyes, and you’ll almost forget why you need to let go.

but you can’t forget. not this time.

the doorbell rings, pulling you back to reality. your heart skips a beat as you take a deep breath, walking toward the door. you hesitate for a moment before pulling it open, the sight of him standing there in a navy sweater and baggy jeans, his dark curls slightly disheveled, still somehow perfect in his own way—makes everything inside you ache.

"hey," he says softly, his voice carrying that familiar warmth, but there's something different now. he doesn’t know it yet, but things are about to change forever.

you open the door wider, stepping aside to let him in. "come on in."

as he steps over the threshold, you brace yourself. this is it.

before you can open your mouth, his hand finds its way beneath your chin, slightly tilting your head upwards as he plants his lips onto yours. you melt into the kiss, placing your hands against his chest as he pulls you closer, and for a moment, you forget everything. the warmth of his touch, the familiar scent of his cologne, the way his body fits perfectly against yours—it all comes rushing back, threatening to sweep away your resolve.

but then you remember why he's here, why you called him over. with a sharp intake of breath, you pull away, gently pushing against his chest. luigi looks at you, confused.

"what's wrong?" he asks, his hand still lingering on your waist.

you step back, creating some distance between you. the space feels charged, heavy with unspoken words.

"lu, we need to talk," you say, your voice steadier than you feel.

his thick eyebrows furrow, and you can see the concern etched across his face. "okay," he says slowly, following you as you lead him to the couch.

you sit down, leaving a little space between the two of you, and you just let it all out.

“i don't think this is gonna work for us anymore. i’ve been talking to someone else and i've kinda just had some realizations about us and i think we've outgrown this.”

its impossible to read his face as you continue speaking.

“i care a lot about you and i'd love to stay friends, maybe even-”

before you can finish he interrupts you with a soft chuckle.

“you think you're gonna sit me down and kick me to the curb? yea, that’s just not how tonight's gonna go.”

you feel a chill run down your spine at his words, his tone shifting from the warmth you're used to into something colder. your heart begins to race as you realize this isn't going the way you planned.

"luigi, please," you start, but he cuts you off again.

"no, you listen to me," he says, leaning in closer. his eyes, usually so soft and inviting, now hold a glint that makes you want to shrink away. "we've been through this before. you think you want to leave, but you always come back. always."

you shake your head, trying to find your voice. "this time is different. i've changed, we’ve changed"

"changed?" luigi scoffs, his hand suddenly gripping your arm. "you haven't changed. you're still the same person who needs me, who loves me. you're just confused right now. you know you fucking love me.”

your gaze shifts to his lips, pressed into a hard line, and then to his strong jawline.

you want so badly to tell him he's wrong, but he's not. you still love him, and as he's sitting on your couch next to you and as you look at his handsome face, you know exactly why you chose him.

you feel your resolve weakening, your carefully planned words crumbling under the intensity of his gaze. luigi's grip on your arm loosens slightly, his thumb now tracing small circles on your skin. the familiar touch sends shivers through you.

"i..." you start, but the words catch in your throat. you want to tell him he's wrong, that you've moved on, but the lie won't come.

luigi leans in closer, his breath warm against your cheek. "tell me you don't love me," he whispers, his lips barely grazing your ear. "look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want this."

you turn to face him, your noses almost touching. his brown eyes are full of anger, hurt, and desire. you open your mouth to speak, to end this once and for all, but no sound comes out.

instead, you find yourself leaning into him, your lips meeting his in a desperate, passionate kiss. your hands tangle in his curls as he pulls you closer, erasing any remaining space between you. the familiar electricity of his touch ignites something within you, and for a moment, all your doubts and reservations melt away.

but as quickly as it began, reality comes crashing back. you break away, gasping for air, your mind reeling. "no," you whisper, more to yourself than to him. "no, we can't do this."

luigi's eyes flash with a mix of triumph and frustration. "we already are," he says, his voice low and intense. "you can't deny what's between us. you never could." 

he places his hand behind your neck and pulls you close again, his lips brushing yours. you melt into him. god, you missed him so much, his touch, his voice, his body. with every movement of his lips, every stroke of his hand, he was righting his wrongs. his hand trails up your thigh, pushing up your skirt. 

the way he touches you feels so nice, and your body responds against your will. his fingers trace patterns on your skin, sending shivers through you. as his hand snakes higher up your leg, you feel an aching need for him.

he breaks the kiss as he gently pulls you onto his lap, his hands planted firmly on your thighs as he places kisses along your jawline and down your neck.

“you’re so perfect for me.” he says, barely a whisper.

“and i know i’m perfect for you too,” he continues, his eyes scanning your face as he says it. he looks so beautiful like this. the golden light of the sunset bathing him in an amber glow, shining through his curls and making his dark brown eyes shimmer.

he finds the hem of your sweater and slowly slips underneath.  he runs his large hands across your bare skin skin.

as he begins to lift your sweater, the realization of what's happening hits you, and you place your hands on his chest, prepared to push away from him, but you can't. you hate that he feels so good. you hate that you want him so badly.

you lean forward and kiss him, hard. luigi moans against your lips, and you can feel his erection straining against his jeans.

you break the kiss and begin to lift his sweater, running your free hand over his abs, eager to feel his bare skin against yours. he helps you get his sweater off, and then reaches for your sweater. in one swift movement, he pulls it off, tossing it aside. he pauses, his gaze raking over your exposed skin, before leaning in and planting a kiss on your collarbone.

he cups your breast and starts sucking on it. you bite your lip, trying not to moan.

he stops and looks up at you, his eyes burning with desire. 

"god, i've missed this," he breathes.

"i missed you" you admit breathlessly.

you run your fingers through his soft, dark curls, the smell of his cologne intoxicating you as you move yourself back and forth slowly, rubbing yourself along his leg. the thin fabric of your underwear begins to dampen, and the friction only heightens your desire.

you lean in and kiss him, the taste of his tongue in your mouth making you shudder with pleasure. he wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer, the feel of his skin against yours is unreal.

luigi slides his hands up and down your thighs as his mouth finds the delicate skin on the side of your neck.

"look at you, so fucking impatient. riding my leg to get yourself off" he says against your skin.

"he's not fucking you right, is he?" he whispers, his hand creeping under your skirt and finding the wet spot in your panties.

"no," you admit.

"that's too bad," he says, sliding his fingers under the edge of your panties and brushing them against your clit.

you gasp at his touch, grinding yourself against him.

your hips buck at the contact, and you let out a small moan.

"you're fucking soaked for me," he breathes, slipping a finger inside of you.

"luigi, please," you beg, grinding against his hand.

he adds a second finger, and you moan, arching your back and pressing yourself against him.

"god, look at you," he whispers, his voice thick with lust.

"i know he doesn't make you fuckin' sound like this" he says, more intensely this time.

"please luigi, just fuck me."

"not yet." he says, continuing to finger you and using his thumb to rub circles on your clit.

"lu," you whine, squirming and bucking your hips.

"so fuckin' needy," he says, a smirk spreading across his face.

you whimper, biting your lip and grabbing his shoulder, desperately clinging to him.

he keeps working his fingers, and you can feel your orgasm building. you can barely breathe, the feeling of his fingers inside you is so intense.

"fuck, lu," you pant, your nails digging into his skin.

he speeds up his pace, and you can feel your orgasm approaching.

"lu, i'm so fucking close," you say, the words slightly catching in your throat as he sends you over the edge.

you cry out, the sensation overwhelming you. he holds you close, kissing you as you ride out the waves of pleasure.

you rest your head on his shoulder, panting and trying to catch your breath.

"i'm not fuckin' done with you yet." luigi says, gently pushing you off his lap and back onto the couch.

he stands up, and you watch as he unbuckles his belt, pulls off his jeans and boxers, freeing his thick cock. you lick your lips, taking in the sight of him.

he sits back down, and you crawl onto his lap, straddling him. he takes himself in his hand, stroking his length and guiding himself inside of you.

"oh god," you moan, feeling him stretch you.

"that's right," he breathes, his voice low and husky.

he begins to thrust into you, and the feeling is incredible. you wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face in his hair and breathing in his scent.

"fuck," he groans, his hands gripping your hips as he pulls you onto him.

you feel the pressure building again, the heat in the pit of your stomach growing with each thrust.

"lu," you whimper, the sensation almost too much to bear.

"tell me," he says, his voice strained. "tell me how much you fucking miss this."

"i miss this so much," you say, your breath ragged.

"tell me," he pants, his rhythm getting faster and more erratic. "tell me you want this, tell me you need this."

"i need this, lu, fuck, i need you," you moan, the heat in your stomach growing.

"say it," he demands, his voice tight and strained.

"i'm yours, lu, i'm fucking yours," you cry, the pressure becoming unbearable.

he moves mercilessly, and with every thrust you feel him stretching you out, your slick spreading up and down his cock. he grabs your ass firmly with both hands, moving you up and down roughly, the lewd sound of skin on skin filling the room.

"where do you want it, baby?"

"fuck, please cum in me" you beg, your legs wrapping around his torso as he continues using you, roughly gripping your ass as he fucks you.

"good fuckin' girl. want me to fuck a baby into you, huh?" he says breathlessly. luigi groans deeply, his fingers digging into your hips as he thrusts up into you one final time. you feel him pulsing inside you as he finishes, filling you with his warmth. you come undone, the intensity of the orgasm tearing through you.

he buries his face in your neck, his breath hot on your skin as he releases inside you. you both sit there, breathing heavily, holding onto each other.

he lifts his head and gazes into your eyes, a smile playing at his lips.

"i guess this means i'm not getting rid of you, huh?"

[nosyp]

Don't you miss me babe?

Warning = stalking, controlling behaviour, toxic relationships, toxic michael kaiser, manipulation

Pairing = Michael Kaiser x reader

Summary = Michael Kaiser begging for you to come back but you aren't having none of it.

Word count = 3.8k

A/N = I kinda hate this, maybe I'll rewrite in the future

The hum of the plane engine filled the cabin, a constant, soothing rhythm that masked the restless whispers of passengers and the occasional clatter of the flight attendants’ carts. You leaned your head against the cool window, eyes tracing the endless expanse of clouds below, their fluffy edges glowing softly in the sunlight.

The world seemed so small from far away up here. You clutched the boarding pass in your lap, the crinkled paper a tangible reminder of where you were headed… and what you’d left behind.

A voice crackled over the intercom, the pilot announcing the estimated arrival time, but the words barely registered. Your mind was elsewhere, replaying the moments that had brought you to this seat at 30,000 feet in the air.

The stranger beside you shifted, snapping the book shut in the process. "Long flight, huh?" he said, their tone light.

You still stared out of the window, surprised by the interruption and too scared to meet their eyes. The voice sounded so familiar, that scared you. There was no way right?

“Yeah," you murmured, unsure whether to continue the conversation or retreat back into your own thoughts.

“Why’re you flying?” he asks, looking at the clutched boarding pass in your lap.

You look up at him, meeting his eyes. Shit. It was your ex, Michael Kaiser. 

Your breath caught in your throat, your stomach twisted and turned inside your stomach. Of all the people in the world, why him? You’d worked so hard to leave Michael Kaiser in the past, but here he was, seated right beside you in the plane.

“Kaiser,” you bit out, your tone laced with venom.

His smirk widened at the sound of his name. “The one and only,” he said smoothly, leaning back in his seat as if he hadn’t noticed that you were staring daggers at him. “Fancy seeing you here. Guess it’s fate, huh?”

“Fate?” You scoffed, shifting away from him as much as the cramped airplane seat would allow. “More like a sick joke.”

He chuckled, the sound grating on your nerves. “Still so feisty. I missed that about you.”

Your fingers tightened around the boarding pass in your lap. “What part of I never want to see you again didn’t you understand?”

Kaiser leaned closer, his cologne annoyingly familiar. “Oh, come on. Don’t be like that. We had something special.”

“Special?” You turned to him, eyebrows raised. “If by special, you mean you constantly acted like the world revolved around you and couldn’t take no for an answer, then yeah, it was real special.”

His confident grin faltered for a split second before he recovered, brushing off your words like they were nothing. “You’re just angry because you know I’m right. Deep down, you still–”

“Don’t,” you interrupted sharply, your voice low and firm. “Don’t even finish that sentence.”

For a moment, silence settled between you, giving you the temporary moment of peace you needed. Kaiser opened his mouth, probably to deliver another infuriating line, but you held up a hand.

“I’m not doing this, Kaiser. Not here, not now, not ever. So save your breath and just go.”

He stared at you, his smirk slipping into something more subdued, a softer smile, but you refused to let your guard down. The tension between you and Kaiser was so intense it almost felt real. He leaned closer again, his face now inches from yours, and this time, the smirk was gone, a dark smile now present on his face.

“I don’t think you understand, do you?” His voice low, almost a whisper, but still somehow able to send shivers up your spine. “You think you’re moving on, but I know you’re not. Not really.”

You stiffened, resisting the urge to shove him away. “You don’t get it, Kaiser,” you spat, your teeth gritting. “I hate you. I never want to see you again, I never want to talk to you again. So what the fuck are you doing here?”

He didn’t move, his presence suffocating. “Oh come on… just calm down. You can say that all you want, but I know you. You can’t just erase me from your life. We were good together and… I was the only one who could truly understand you.”

Your pulse quickened. He was crossing every line, and still, you couldn’t bring yourself to back down. He was right. No matter how much you hated to admit it, there was always that nagging feeling, that memory of the way he’d manipulated everything around you. He knew exactly what buttons to push and how to push it.

“You don’t know anything about me,” you managed to say, weakly.

Kaiser leaned in even closer, his breath brushing your ear. “You might think you’re over me, but I can see it in your eyes. You’re still looking for me. You need me.”

Your stomach churned. “Shut. Up.” The words were shaky, but you forced them out. “You have no right to talk to me like that. Not after everything.”

He chuckled softly, that familiar, infuriating laugh that always made your skin crawl. “What’s wrong, babe? You’re still mad about how I left? You’re still pissed off about everything? Do you think you’re the only one who’s suffered?”

The sudden rush of emotions hit you like a truck, all the feelings of anger, disgust, and hurt all blending together in a raw, overwhelming mix. “You’re unbelievable. I hope you know that.”

His eyes gleamed with that sharp, calculating look you remembered too well. “Maybe. But I know exactly how this ends.” He slid his hand closer to yours, his fingers brushing against your wrist, the touch making you recoil.

“No,” you hissed, shoving his hand away, a hot surge of adrenaline rushing through you. “You have no idea how this ends, because it ends now. I don’t owe you anything. Not an explanation, not closure, nothing. You lost that long ago.”

For a moment, Kaiser’s smirk faltered, finally. He was visibly frustrated from the words that you decided to spew out. “You’ll come around. You always do.” His tone was almost... patronizing. Like he was speaking to a child.

You stared at him, trembling with the effort to keep your anger in check. “You’re insane if you think I’ll ever forgive you.”

His eyes never left yours, unwavering. “It’s not about forgiveness, babe. It’s about me getting what I want.”

The words hit you harder than any of his previous ones, and a cold dread settled in your chest. He wasn’t backing down, not this time. He was going to make you believe that you owed him something. He was going to make you need him again.

And for the first time, you wondered if he really would win.

“Don’t touch me,” you warned, your voice shaking despite the rage bubbling inside.

His smirk didn’t falter. If anything, it deepened. “You know, you really don’t know how much you still care. But don’t worry, I’ll remind you.”

The way he said it disgusted you. It wasn’t a plea or even an attempt to reason with you. It was a command, words that were supposed to manipulate you into thinking you’d need him. He never understood the word no. Or maybe he just didn’t care.

“You really think you can book a seat next to me and just start talking to me as if everything’s fine?” You bit out, your voice sharper now, holding onto your anger like a weapon. “Like you didn’t tear me apart?”

Kaiser tilted his head, his eyes gleaming with that damnable amusement. “Tear you apart?” He laughed, a low sound that made your skin crawl. “If anything, you tore yourself apart. I just showed you who you really were. All those walls you put up? I broke them down. You didn’t know who you were before me.”

Every word hit like a slap. The guilt, the self-doubt that had been buried under the layers of anger and resentment you’d carefully built after the breakup, started to bubble to the surface. He knew exactly how to chip away at you, to make you question everything.

“I was fine before you,” you snapped, forcing your emotions to stay in check, but the crack in your voice betrayed you. “I was better before you. And you know what? I don’t need you to remind me of anything.”

His expression shifted slightly, the smirk faltering for a moment before it returned, darker now, colder. He leaned in even closer, his breath hot against your ear. “You’re wrong. You need me more than you’ll ever admit. And I’m not going anywhere, babe. You’re mine.”

That last word settled over you like a shadow, its weight sinking into your chest. There was no mistaking it now. He wasn’t just trying to get back with you—he was trying to reclaim you, to possess you again. The same twisted control he’d held over you before was there, lurking in every word he spoke.

“No,” you managed, barely a whisper, but firm enough to choke back the crushing weight of his presence. “You lost your chance. You can’t own me anymore, Kaiser.”

He stared at you for a long moment, eyes narrowing, observing every detail of you. Then, as if he’d come to some conclusion, his lips curled into a sinister smile.

“You’ll see. You’ll come crawling back. They all do eventually.” His tone was so confident it made you want to scream, to slap that smug look off his face. But you kept still, trying to hold onto whatever piece of sanity you had.

But as the seconds stretched on and turned into minutes, you couldn’t shake the feeling that he could be right.

And that thought… oh that thought… it was far more terrifying than anything you could ever imagine.

Kaiser’s smirk stayed on his face. The air around you started to feel suffocating now. Every word he spoke was like a jagged blade carving through your defenses, and despite every instinct telling you to fight, you felt a momentary crack in your resolve.

“You really think you can move on?” he continued, his voice calm but edged with something darker. “You think you can just forget everything we were? All the things we shared? All the things I gave you?”

The words sliced through you, and for a split second, a memory flashed. You’d suddenly remember the feeling of his touch, his words, the moments where he did make you feel like you were everything. And then, in the next moment, everything could change. Those sweet memories turning into something bitter.

“No,” you spat. “I’m not the same person anymore, and you’re not the same either. In fact, you’ve probably gotten worse. You were always the selfish one, always looking out for yourself. You can’t just come back into my life and pretend things are different.”

His eyes glinted with something that looked almost like amusement. “Selfish?” he repeated, his voice dangerously soft. “Maybe. But you’re no saint either. You’re a mess, and deep down, you know that. You’re just too scared to admit it.”

Your heart pounded harder, anger flashing through your veins. “Stop trying to manipulate me!” you hissed, your fist tightening on the armrest. “This is exactly what you did before. You don’t care about me… you care about winning. About controlling me. About making me need you again. I bet it makes your ego thrive huh?”

Kaiser leaned back in his seat, as if satisfied by the effect his words were having on you. “So what if I do?” he drawled, his voice lazy. “I’ve always had control over you, and I know you hate admitting it. But every time I’ve walked away from you, you’ve always come crawling back. You always do.” 

All of a sudden, his voice dropped to a whisper. “Just like I said. You’ll come to me when you’re ready. When you realize no one will ever love you the way I did.”

Your stomach churned, the darkness of his words wrapping around you and squeezing you. But even with the lump rising in your throat, something in you refused to give up. You weren’t the same person anymore, not the one who’d been caught in his grip.

“Not this time,” you managed to say, voice trembling but defiant. “You don’t control me. You never did.”

Kaiser chuckled again, but this time it was devoid of warmth. Icy. Like he was savoring something, like he knew you’d eventually break. He slid his gaze over to you, leaning forward again, too close for comfort. His breath ghosted over your ear as he spoke, low and chilling.

“I never needed to control you, babe,” he whispered, voice thick with unspoken threats. “Because you were always mine to break. And that’s the thing… no matter how hard you try, how many times you escape… I will always find a way.” 

His fingers grazed your wrist once again, with more force this time, gripping your skin with a cruel sort of finality. “You don’t get to walk away from me. Not again.”

The sound of the plane’s engines seemed to fade into the background, like the world was narrowing down to just the two of you. 

You fought back the tears about to burst from your eyes, clenching your jaw until it hurt. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you break, not again. This time, you wouldn’t let him win.

“You’re wrong,” you said through clenched teeth. “I’m done.”

Kaiser didn’t pull away. Instead, he leaned even closer, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. “We both know you’re lying,” he murmured. “And when you finally admit the truth, when you realize that you still… need me, you’ll come running. And I’ll be right here, waiting. Because I always will be.”

You could feel his hot breath on your skin, the pressure of his presence pushing in on you from all sides. His hold on you wasn’t physical, not just yet. But emotionally? Mentally? He was already in control, and the thought sent an icy shiver down your spine.

But as the plane hummed on, you took a shaky breath and refused to let him see how deeply he was getting under your skin.

This wasn’t over. And it never would be, not until you stopped letting him invade every part of you.

For the rest of the flight, Kaiser didn’t try to disturb you, luckily. Though, his presence still hovered in the corner of your mind, like a shadow you couldn’t escape, but he still kept his distance. Maybe it was all a game to him, or perhaps he realized that pushing you further would only make things more complicated. Either way, you were thankful for the quiet, for the ability to breathe without his voice invading every thought.

You tried to focus on something, anything, to distract yourself. The seatbelt sign flickered on and off occasionally as the plane made its way through the clouds, and you found yourself staring at the small plastic tray in front of you, as though it held the answers to all your questions.

But the longer the silence stretched between you, the more you realized how fragile it all was. What if he didn’t stop? What if this wasn’t just some twisted game to him? What if Kaiser really could find a way back into your life, despite everything you’d worked to leave behind?

The more you thought about it, the more anxious you became. His words echoed in your mind.

“You’ll come crawling back.”

“They all do eventually.”

“I’ll remind you.” 

“You’re mine.”

Each sentence was a poison, spreading through your thoughts, and you could almost feel yourself slipping. But you clenched your fists, dug your nails into your palms, and reminded yourself that no, you’re not going back. Ever.

You glanced out the window, the endless sea of clouds below you offering some semblance of calm. The gentle sway of the plane became a lullaby, coaxing your thoughts into a haze. But even in that moment of peace, you couldn’t help but feel the weight of Kaiser’s words.

Suddenly, a soft thud broke the silence. You turned your head to find Kaiser leaning back in his seat, eyes closed, seemingly relaxed. His arms were crossed over his chest, but there was something about the way he sat made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

It was like he was waiting for something, watching you out of the corner of his eye, studying your every movement. He wasn’t bothering you, but his presence was still suffocating, like a constant reminder that he was never too far away.

You forced yourself to look away, focusing back on the soft hum of the engines, trying to keep your mind from spiraling. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to engage with him, because you certainly didn’t. It was more that you knew that if you let him in again, even just a little, you might never get out.

The flight seemed to stretch on endlessly. Every passing minute felt like an eternity, and the closer you got to your destination, the more you felt that sense of oncoming doom closing in on you. You had no idea what was going to happen once you both landed. Was this just another round of his twisted game, or would he try to force himself back into your life for good?

The intercom crackled once again, and the pilot’s voice filled the cabin, announcing the final descent. You braced yourself, hands gripping the armrest as you stared straight ahead, trying to steady your breath. You couldn’t shake the feeling that once this flight was over, you would have to face him, face the reality of everything he had dragged you through, and decide if you were really strong enough to walk away for good.

But for now, you have to survive the next few minutes. The next few moments of silent tension, of being stuck in this small metal tube with someone who knew exactly how to hurt you.

And for now, you held onto one truth. That one small, defiant thought: You won’t let him win. Not again.

As the plane descended, the sense of tension looming above you and Kaiser worsened. The hum of the engines was no longer a soothing background; now, it felt oppressive, like it made the sound of his words louder. You could feel his presence near you.

Just when you thought you could breathe again, the silence was broken by the soft sound of him shifting in his seat. He moved, and you immediately tensed, instinctively turning your body toward the aisle, trying to put a physical distance between the two of you. But it was too late.

Without warning, Kaiser slid closer to you, settling into the seat beside you as if he had every right to. His arm brushed against yours, and your body went stiff at the contact. His proximity was unbearable, but you didn’t dare react. Not yet. You were caught in a limbo of wanting to flee and wanting to not give him the satisfaction of seeing you squirm.

He didn’t say anything at first, but you could feel his eyes on you, watching, studying. The air was thick with unspoken words, the weight of his gaze on your skin like a brand. You tried to focus on the window, hoping the world outside could somehow offer you escape, but he was relentless.

“Comfortable?” His voice was low, smooth.

You bit your lip, fighting the urge to snap back. Instead, you forced yourself to stay still, to ignore the adrenaline thrumming through your veins. “I’m fine,” you muttered, the words clipped.

“Sure you are,” he said, his tone laced with disbelief, though he was oddly calm. “You’ve been quiet since I sat down. Very unlike you.”

The arrogance in his voice made your blood boil, but you kept your hands clenched in your lap, trying to keep your temper in check. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you react.

Kaiser let out a soft chuckle, the sound sliding under your skin like a snake, crawling its way into your thoughts. “You’re still angry,” he observed, eyes flicking over you in a way that made you want to crawl out of your own skin. “I can tell.”

You swallowed hard, refusing to give him an inch. The memory of everything he had done to you. You hated him. Hated him so much you could feel your chest tightening with it.

“I’m not angry,” you said through gritted teeth, the lie tasting bitter on your tongue. “I’m just… so tired of you.”

His smile didn’t falter, but there was something darker behind his eyes now. “You’ve said that before,” he murmured, leaning just a little closer. “And yet, here you are. With me.”

The distance between you seemed to close even more, and you felt the edges of your control slipping, like sand through your fingers. He was right. You were here. You were stuck on this flight, trapped beside him for the last stretch of the journey. You were stuck in this hell of your own making.

But then, something in you snapped. You couldn’t just let him keep twisting the knife, making you feel like you were the one at fault. You had fought so hard to get away from him, and now he was just waltzing back in, expecting you to fall back in line.

“Don’t touch me,” you hissed, suddenly turning toward him, voice sharp and low. “Don’t ever think you have the right to get close to me again.”

His smirk widened, and for a moment, there was a flicker of something dangerous in his eyes. “I don’t need your permission to be close to you, sweetheart,” he said, voice dripping with venomous sweetness. “I’ve always been close to you. And I always will be.”

Your heart slammed in your chest, the fight-or-flight instinct kicking in. He was pushing, testing you, seeing how far he could take this before you caved. 

The plane began to shake slightly as it descended further, but Kaiser didn’t budge. He stayed right beside you, close enough for you to feel his body heat, hear his breath. His presence was suffocating, invasive, but you forced yourself to stay calm, even if your heart was pounding in your throat.

You focused on your breath, your pulse, the sound of the plane’s descent, anything but him. You weren’t going to let him control this moment. Not now, not ever again.

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to The Worst's Chapter 386

Brief summary: Lupe calls Cale as the Demon God, and Eden as the Boss Baby. Aurora meets Lupe. Cale gets a quest to restore Lupe's memories.

===========

Eden's reactions were so cute. Since he couldn't speak, he could only express himself through shaking his egg. But you could somehow tell what he was feeling by the intensity of the shaking. 😂😂😂

Lupe: I heard a rumor recently. Cale: What? What rumor? Lupe: There's a rumor that the Demon King will descend upon the 7th Evil. Cale: … Eden: *flinches and shakes* Lupe: *looks at egg* As expected, this being is the one who will become the Demon King. Eden: *shakes intensely* Lupe: Wow. Your movements are powerful. Cale: …

Because the 7th Evil had a fairy tale theme, Clopeh Sekka decided on the concept of the birth of the Demon King. So everyone (the Eight Evils, the kingdoms, and the users) thought a Demon King was about to be born. 😂😂😂 Clopeh even made it that as the day of Eden's birth neared, the "ominous" signs grew larger in scale.

Cale couldn't escape the god allegations. If Aurora thought of Cale as the God of Wealth because he was rich, Lupe thought of Cale as the Demon God because Cale was above all that was Evil. 😂😂😂 Of course, Cale thought that it was all nonsense and that Lupe had gone crazy. 🤣🤣🤣

We got some info about the 5th Evil boss. His backstory was that he was a former crown prince who lost the battle for the Demon King throne, and was exiled from the Demon Realm. He settled down in the 5th Evil dungeon and became the Demon of Fire.

Lupe cautioned Eden that this Demon of Fire might do something against Eden because he was sensitive to the Demon King title. But Lupe reassured Eden that he would protect him. However, there was a misunderstanding. 🤣🤣🤣

Lupe: Do you know about the 5th Evil's boss? Cale: The Fire Demon? Lupe:*talks about the 5th Evil boss's backstory* Lupe as he looks at Eden: And he is extremely obsessed with the title "Demon King." Cale: *strokes Eden's egg* Lupe: Please remember that. When our 7th Evil Boss Baby is born, he might do something. Eden: *shaking intensely* Lupe: Haha! Don't worry, Boss Baby. Aren't we supposed to help each other? I'll do my best to assist in your nativity. Eden: *shakes more* Cale: Boss Baby… Cale: Pfft. (So that's why Eden's shaking…) Eden: *silently dies from cringe*

When Aurora met Lupe, he groaned in pain. Meanwhile, Super Rock and Fire of Destruction were rejoicing. Because the Demon Realm's missing Count Lupe was extremely rich. And now that they confirmed that the game Lupe was the Demon Realm's Lupe, Cale's group was guaranteed wealth. The two Ancient Powers were so happy that they called the demon Count Lupe as "our angel" because he was superb rich. 😂😂😂

However, the game gave Cale a subquest, with Lupe's memories as a reward. Basically, Cale needed to steal the research of Transparent Co in Earth 3.

Ending Remarks Boss Baby Eden and Demon God Cale. 😂😂😂 Next chapter would probably be back to Earth 3. Or some conversation between Cale and Aurora. I think it might take a few chapters before Eden's nativity.

[truly-neutral-art]

Din/Luke Pacific Rim AU pt.5

Even tho this is a continuation of an AU it was also my gift for the @stardads DinLuke Secret Santa! I was so hype to get Pacific rim AU for a prompt!! Hope yall had a good holiday season and enjoy this update!

Little excerpt from the wip under the cut.

Din stepped out of the helicopter to sheets of rain pouring down on him. He raised a hand to try and block the water from his eyes to little success. He watched as Ahsoka jogged down the landing pad towards two figures and thought it was best to follow suit. 

Before he could get a good look at anyone an umbrella was shoved into his hand, which solved the rain problem at least. That found him face to face with two figures, one he recognized and one he didn’t. 

“This is Marshal Skywalker, though I’m sure you already know that,” Ahsoka said. Din took the Marshal’s proffered hand and shook it quickly. 

“Hello sir, it’s been a while,” Din stumbled out. Skywalker was just as intimidating as he remembered. Tall, burn scars on his neck, and intense eyes that spoke of years of experience in the k-war. 

“Glad you could join us. You’re a hard man to find Djarin.” 

“That was the point,” Din blurted out before he could think better. The only thing that seemed to save him was Ahsoka’s small chuckle at the comment.

“Mr. Djarin, this is Luke, he’s in charge of the Mark Three restoration program.” The other figure stepped forward from his place behind the Marshal. Din recognized him from the news coverage Grogu made him watch, but he was much different in person. On TV he was easy, almost cocky smiles and casual postures. Here, he was stern, with a military stiffness to his shoulders. He stared up at Din with bright blue eyes, not unlike the color of Kaiju Blue. 

Din found himself intrigued by the pilot, the difference between him on the TV and now. It wasn't just his demeanor either, sure he looked charming in interviews, but even with his hard stare, and his blonde hair matted down by the humidity, he was striking. He looked almost too soft to be a pilot, the only thing betraying his profession was the small scar on his upper lip. He was also young, couldn't be much older than 21 if Din had to guess. He certainly hadn't been a pilot back when Din had been, which also betrayed his age beyond his looks. 

“He personally handpicked the list of your potential co-pilots,” Marshal Skywalker continued. 

“Wait, I thought you were a pilot. Why are you doing restoration?” Din asked. The glare that earned him from Luke was chilling. He opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by the Marshal. 

“With Red Five destroyed and his co-pilot out of commission, Ranger Skywalker has been reassigned.” At that, Luke’s glare shifted towards the Marshal but it was carefully ignored. 

“How about we go inside before we discuss anything further,” Ahsoka suggested. No one could really argue with that, so they all headed through the thick metal doors into the Shatterdome. 

As they entered, Luke grabbed Din’s umbrella and placed it in a bucket near the door. With a lurch the large elevator they had stepped into began its descent. 

“Ranger Skywalker?” Din said, gaining Luke’s attention. “You’re related to the Marshal?” 

“He’s my father,” Luke answered. His voice was tight, a slight furrow to his brow left over from whatever had slighted him before. Din wasn’t too surprised, most pilots were proud. If Luke had been grounded due to his Jaeger being out of commission he probably took that as a slight against his abilities. 

“I heard Red Five was out of commission last month,” Grogu had been inconsolable after hearing about the destruction of his favorite Jaeger. “I didn’t know it was piloted by the Marshal’s son.”

“We try to keep it out of the media,” Luke explained. “Not really a secret, but there’s no reason to advertise it either. Makes both our jobs easier.” Din caught the pained expression on the Marshal’s face from the corner of his eye. But as soon as it was there it was gone and the Marshal spoke up again. 

“First we’ll give you a tour of the facility and then Ranger Skywalker will show you to your Jaeger. First thing in the morning we’ll find you your co-pilot.” 

“Marshal, you’re aware that I’m not drift compatible with most pilots, right?” Din inquired. It had been something nagging at the back of his head since he’d agreed to this mess. He wanted to keep Grogu safe, no matter how much he dreaded getting back into a Jaeger, but if he couldn’t even find a co-pilot this would all be for nothing. 

“You’re the only Mark Three pilot left, it’s our best bet to have you in Razor Crest for this mission,” the Marshal explained. 

“Wait, you restored the Crest?” Din looked from the Marshal to Ahsoka. 

“Whoops, did I forget to mention that?” Ahsoka said with a poorly masked smile. 

Din was a bit unsure how to feel. He’d spent his best years in the Crest back in the day, but it had also been the site of his greatest failure. Before he could fall down that train of thought something else caught him up.

“Hold on, what mission? No one has told me exactly what’s happening here.” Before he could get a response the elevator doors opened and everyone was shuffling out. As they approached two heavy metal doors a worker moved to a lever to open them. With loud creaks the doors shifted to the side revealing the center of the Shatterdome.

[eunandonly]

exhibit a : you

୨୧ ; you and riki, on a date solving murder cases gone cold? that’s going to end in another murder!

pairing! criminaljusticemajor!riki x criminologymajor!reader | wc. 0.9k | warnings: atempted humour, incorrect law and forensic terms, homicide mentions EN-

🖇️ : riki version finally!! sorry it took so long ㅜㅜ

riki has been majoring in criminal justice for some time now

you two never really talked properly, most of your conversations were trivial things like “can i borrow your pencil” or “when does this lecture end”

you never expected your first proper conversation with him to be an argument about who can solve a cold case faster

"of course i can solve it the fastest, what are you talking about, y/n?"

that just pisses you off bc who does he think he is

let's be so fr why is he so full of himself?

you had just been listening in on his conversation about a case study and you couldn't help but jump in

and riki had the audacity to mock you

"you're really going to stick with that theory? it's clearly wrong- come on, even i know that."

you were ready to bash his pretty little face in

bc your theory about the jane doe case is definitely right dafuq.

the time window, the evidence, the interview transcripts... it all fits your narrative

and the more you and riki discuss the case, the more convinced riki is that your theory MIGHT be right

of course he won't admit that though

but when you start talking about livor mortis he can't help but stare at you with hearts in his eyes

like DAMN he loves girls who recite shit like that as if it's the alphabet

one day you're just packing up your bag to leave after a lecture when riki comes over

"hey, you wanna study with me this evening? get some work done on the cold case project?"

riki's tryna be all nonchalant but he's screaming inside PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES

you say yes.

you two meet at riki’s dorm room and tbh it’s kinda messy in there

i imagine criminology major riki to have lots of books regarding criminal law and stuff lying about everywhere and js have a lot of stuff in general

like the only place that’s not covered by some book or paper of some sort is the bed because he needs sleep (but he stays up till 5am anyways)

he probably listens to true crime podcasts all night

riki and you start get into your work right away but both of you keep getting carried away bickering

don’t worry it’s just playful banter ☺️

“i said stfu his rigor mortis had only started on the head and neck of the body but livor mortis had fully set- that's just says that someone manipulated the factors”

you’re just sitting on his bed pointing at the case file and trying to prove your point

riki’s smart but dense at the same time

you both have some genuinely concerning conversation starters

“oh yeah so this girl apparently got burned alive on a wooden pole outside a school campus!”

"do you think the car air conditioner will be cold enough to use during the winter when trying to onset rigor mortis of the body?"

"if someone dug up a already dead body murdered by someone else and re-buried it to hide it from the officials, what charges would they get?"

you guys say it so casually too like you're discussing what to have for dinner

you always thought riki was cool and had a little liking for him but working on a project together and really made the feelings more intense

sure he’s an annoying little menace who’s way too stubborn

but he’s smart. and he’s pretty.

you really are going to bash his pretty face in one day.

even when you two are not working on the project you two meet up in each other’s dorm rooms to play games, talk, etc

like you two make plans to meet up at your room to play fortnite (you carry his ass through the game)

oh but he won't admit that

i feel like riki would prefer staying in for these types of activities

you know those little packages of fake crime cases you can buy to investigate and stuff?

that's what you and riki do on friday nights except it's not a fake crime

it's all real

you guys research serial murder cases, disappearances that went cold YEARS ago, heists... the list just goes on and on

yeah but these little dates are probably going to become a homicide case itself

no bc why is riki not shutting up his narrative is so wrong

he ends up confessing to you at the end of the month after both of you submitted the most beautiful thesis on a double homicide case

you got lots of help from riki on the criminal law aspects of it and you helped him with the profiling and forensics part

"no y/n, he would be charged for perverting the course of justice, what are you on?"

“riki, stop being such a dumbass. the offender and the victim had no connection whatsoever.”

riki was so scared to confess to you, he was overthinking for days straight instead of sleeping at night

so for your first date you just have him come over to your dorm and make a murder board with you

not exactly a common first date activity but both of you have fun with red string and evidence so it’s fine

you and riki later on create your own true crime podcast except you're not just talking about the crime

you're both solving them (agggtm anyone?)

i'd like to think that you and riki's podcasts went viral and everyone gushing over you two

you and riki just make a really cute couple

[lunarmoonanons]

Mother's Love

🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑 🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕

Tyrell Reader misses her mother, she's so young giving birth. A child has a child.

🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑 🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕

Masterlist

9 Years Ago

YN missed her mother. She missed all of her family but being six months into her first ever pregnancy at fifteen. She was terrified and felt all alone in the Red Keep. Alys Harroway was rude and spiteful, constantly wondering aloud why Maegor would wed a child rather than remain faithful to her only. Cerys was kind to her, but since her death YN felt she had no friends in the Keep. Tyanna frightened her and she kept her away from herself and her pregnancy. Her stomach was larger than she noticed her sister’s was at six months of pregnancy. She feared labor and feared birth, just a few months ago she was excited to get a new doll from her Aunt, just a year ago she was just old enough to stay up for the festivities at Highgarden. 

Now she was carrying a child or many in her stomach, dressed in Tyrell fineries and jewelry. He didn’t listen when she said she preferred pearls over stones, decking her out in rubies and diamonds. Even the Tyrell dresses she wore were decked out in Targaryen fineries.  Everything was dripping in Targaryen lust. She wished she could have her simply gowns back from Highgarden. Though in an effort to please his newly pregnant wife, Maegor transported flowers from Highgarden and littered them around the gardens. Specifically her favorite: Lilies. So there was some respite when she went to the gardens. Away from the jealous glare of Alys and the intimidating glance of Tyanna. 

It was night now, and her rose petal bath was drained by the maids who were too frightened to talk to her. She was wrapped in a nightgown and a robe and was sitting in front of her desk with a paper and pen in front of her. She was thinking of what to write to her mother. She missed and needed her. She couldn’t write to her beloved, Addam, knowing her letters were being read. Probably by Tyanna, most likely by Maegor. 

YN tapped the feather end of her pen on the desk, wondering what to say. She only wrote one letter to her family before and the action of doing so made her cry. YN played with the end of her hair and looked around her room. Staring at the doll her Aunt made for her, making her tear up at the sight. She was still mourning her Aunt, having no one to talk to about her grief. Eventually she turned away from the doll and back to the paper on her desk. She held to pen tighter and began writing from her heart. 

“I am six months with child. I am frightened. But please do not come to Kingslanding, I don’t want him to have control over you. Mommy please write back, I am frightened.” 

She signed it with her uncertain hand and stood from her position. Making her way to the entrance of her room, she caught the attention of her guards and held out the letter to them. Commanding them to deliver this letter to her mother in Highgarden. They nodded and she knew they were going to take it to Maegor first. Just like they did with her first letter. She theorized that he was spending the night with Alys. Or talking with his mother. 

Visenya. 

That woman frightened YN. She was beautiful but with her beauty came a harshness and a frightening personality. She held a tight grip on the court and watched the youngest bride with vulture-like eyes. Making her feel small and frightened as she did when she was a younger girl. YN avoided her at every turn, which was harder now that she was the only bride who was pregnant. Maegor couldn’t keep his hands off her and Visenya watched her more intensely. Everything she did was scrutinized and watched. 

YN grabbed her doll and laid down in the soft bed. Holding the doll close and tearing up at the thought of her mother reading her letter. She wiped her tears when she heard her door opening. Sitting up and hiding the doll under the pillow, looking at who entered her room. Of course it was Maegor. He looked troubled and walked toward her bed. YN lifted her blanket to get up but he held out his hand to stop her. Coming to the bed and sitting on the side edge a few inches from her curled up legs.

Maegor sighed and brought a hand to her hair, stroking the side of her head. YN remained frozen, staring at him in fear. Wondering what in her letter made him come to her room. She wanted to cover her face, hide under the covers like she did when she was younger. He brought her hand to the end of her hair and twirled a lock in his fingers. 

“I am not a good man.” Maegor broke the silence. YN swallowed and when he brought his hand to her cheek she flinched. “I know what I am, there’s no changing me. But I want you to know, I am not heartless.”

“I never said-” She tried to explain, but he cut her off. 

“I know you think I have no heart. Since I cut down your aunt, since I took you to bride. But I am not without a heart.” He sighed and put his hand down. “I know you miss your family.”

YN wanted him to leave. Thinking he was going to bring her family to Kingslanding and keep them here. Something she dreaded. She in no way wanted her family to be under the control of Maegor. Her brothers would do something rash and honorable. Her mother would never leave and she was frightened Maegor would bed her against her will. 

“You need not torment yourself. I can bring your mother here. I can make you happy.” Maegor suggested. 

YN shook her head and brought her knees up to her torso. “No my lord. I want them to be free in Highgarden. I don’t want my brothers and their families to do something rash. Please leave them alone.” She begged. 

Maegor sighed and stood from her bed. Pushing down her knees so he could touch her stomach. His large hand remained on the top of her belly, he smiled when he felt the baby kick. But the soft encounter ended when he grabbed her chin and made her look at him. His harsh gaze made the breath catch in her throat. 

“I hope this child is a boy. I know you won’t disappoint me.” Maegor said with laden threats in his tone. 

YN’s eyes were wide as she nodded in fear. Holding her breath as she watched him let her go and walk out of the room. She grabbed her doll when he left and held it close in one hand as she rubbed her stomach with the other. Begging the gods for a healthy baby, someone she could give her doll to. 

~~~

4 Months Later

YN finished her letter to her mother, talking about her babies and how much it hurt. That’s what she remembered from the labor, the pain. She didn’t know what else she could say. Everything hurt, and the memory of the pain stayed with her a month later. She stood from her desk and walked to the cribs that she demanded remain in her room. Smiling at the babies she grabbed one of the boys and placed him on her bed. Then bringing the other two to the bed she laid them down in front of her. Smiling at the helpless little things in front of her. 

She reached for her doll and held it in front of her babies. “This is my doll. She’s very dear to me. I think one day one of you will have her.” 

The babies did nothing but coo, making the young girl smile and lean down to kiss their silver haired heads. She smiled at their helpless little bodies. They were so little and so sweet. YN didn’t think there could’ve been any sweeter babies born. 

“I think you three are so perfect. My oldest sister has three children, and they are very sweet.” YN felt sad when talking about her sister. Missing her dearly, missing her nephews and nieces as well. 

“I hope one day you could meet them.”

@gulnarsultan

[riddlerosehearts]

god i love how the twst novel characterizes trey and particularly what it does with his enabling of riddle's tyranny, how it uses this aspect of trey as a parallel to yuuya's intense anxiety and fear of confrontation and uses both of their characters to emphasize the consequences of avoiding conflict, and how you have to overcome that fear in order to do what's right, it's so fascinating to me and since i'm sure there are a lot of fans who haven't read the novel i wanna talk about it.

see, yuuya is written as someone who is so, so afraid of conflict that he doesn't let himself get close to anyone or even have any hobbies--he says he doesn't want to risk fighting with friends over a difference of opinion, and he's also afraid of finding something he's so passionate about that he doesn't want to let go of it, and having to fight to protect it. he practically avoids really living because he's just too scared of having to deal with any potential confrontation. throughout the novel there are times when yuuya wants to tell ace and deuce to stop fighting but can't get himself to say anything, and times when they ask him for his opinion but he avoids giving it so he won't have to upset anyone by picking a side. even when ace starts telling riddle off and calling him a tyrant at the unbirthday party, and everyone else is saying that ace is wrong, yuuya just stands there and does nothing--he knows he should have his friend's back but he freezes up, too terrified to speak.

and then trey... this will probably get a little long, so i'll put it under a read more, but oh, trey.

in book 1 of the game, when riddle has some poor student collared for not wearing pink to feed the flamingos, he tells trey and cater to escort the student away and they both just say "yes housewarden" and do it. in the novel, we have this additional moment:

notice how trey does not say this is okay, but he also doesn't exactly say it isn't. he doesn't really share an opinion on the situation at all, he just says there's nothing he can do, and then thinks to himself that he can't afford to think about it, can't risk letting riddle be pushed over the edge.

this is when ace, deuce, yuu, and grim then come in to ask trey about his friendship with riddle. in the game, grim asks him why he hasn't told riddle off already, given that he's the older of the two, and trey states that he doesn't think the situation calls for it because "these sorts of strict rules are what created riddle". but in the novel, it's deuce who asks trey "i know you're the vice housewarden, but you're older than riddle, right? wouldn't the housewarden listen to his elder?", and the way trey's response goes is a little different, with grim saying he must be scared of riddle and trey once again (well, twice actually) saying that he can't do anything about the situation:

he tells the rest of the group all about how riddle's parents are famous magical healers, how his mother planned out every single aspect of his life for him, how he obeyed every rule she set and had his signature spell mastered by age 10, and how riddle genuinely believes that the enforcement of strict rules is a service to his dorm members and he sees the violation of those rules as an inexcusable offense. grim wonders why this is and yuuya realizes the following, which is also a perfect explanation of why trey believes that standing up to riddle about his overly strict attitude would be rejecting him: "if riddle accepts that rules can be broken, then that's basically a rejection of his own self. because he was created by rules".

in both the game and the novel, trey then mentions that he knows how hard riddle's life has been and says he just can't bring himself to hold riddle's way of doing things against him, to which ace responds by telling him "so it's YOUR fault riddle is like this". but in the novel, yuuya is surprised because he didn't think trey bore any responsibility, and trey's response to the question of "you always thought what his parents did to him was wrong, didn't you?" is described like this:

it's very similar to the various descriptions throughout the book of yuuya desperately wanting to speak up but being unable to get the words out whenever there's any sign of conflict. clearly trey, like yuuya, is afraid, not necessarily of riddle himself but of having to hurt his friend by telling him he's doing something wrong, and in the novel ace calls him out on that:

(the dialogue at this part of the game is largely the same, but the sentences between "that's pathetic" and "you guys are supposed to be friends" are brand new).

and then, trey's response, or lack thereof is very telling:

what ace says to trey here even prompts yuuya to apologize to ace for not standing up for him before, because he empathizes with trey. he understands trey's inability to stop riddle, his fear of rocking the boat, the desire to avoid causing a conflict and upsetting his friend no matter what else happens, because it's exactly what he's been afraid of for his whole life. and as a result yuuya feels ashamed of himself and believes that ace was right to push trey the way he did. in response, ace tells yuuya that it's okay for him to not want to force himself into fights because, unlike trey, at least yuuya will tell ace if he thinks he's wrong.

but that's not enough for yuuya, who decides that he has to finally, finally stand up for ace and deuce when riddle has them collared and everyone is cheering for riddle during the duel. he walks right through the crowd and tells riddle that he doesn't even care who's wrong or right, he just wants the fighting to stop. it's a simple thing, but it's such a difficult step for him to take.

for trey, we know how this goes--just like in the game, he intervenes when riddle summons rose bushes to attack ace, because seeing his friend almost become a murderer is where he draws the line. in the novel, he also tells riddle that if this doesn't stop he'll only end up more and more alone. he reaches his hand out to his friend and tries to urge him to calm down.

of course, none of this goes the way either of them expected, and in the novel cater tries to get yuuya to agree that they should run from the danger of fighting riddle, but neither he nor trey will yield. so all of our main heartslabyul boys and ramshackle join together to find a way to win. and right after trey uses his magic to save cater from riddle, we get this dialogue:

and while what trey says after riddle escapes from his overblot state is basically the same as it is in the game, i think the description of his actions here is lovely:

and it may seem like a simple thing, to just be honest with a friend, but it's such a big step for trey to finally take with riddle, after spending so much time enabling his harmful behavior out of an incredibly flawed sense of loyalty toward him.

in the end, yuuya realizes that his way of living, spending his life stubbornly avoiding confrontation, had kept him from being able to make friends. similarly trey being so afraid of upsetting riddle that he hid his true feelings and let him do whatever he wanted, kept him from being able to be a true friend to him. they both learn to finally be brave enough to take action and to be honest with themselves and others, but yuuya mainly needed to learn the value of standing up for your friends while trey had to learn how important it is to stand up to them when necessary.

yuuya also says, after ace and deuce call him stubborn and opinionated, that he may have just hated bending his own principles more than he wanted to have friends, which i find really interesting because essentially part of yuuya's arc is to stop avoiding forming relationships with others for the sake of his principles, because true friends will have each other's backs even if they don't always agree on everything. and then part of trey's arc is to stop bending his principles for the sake of his relationship with riddle, because true loyalty goes hand-in-hand with honesty. and while i feel like you could figure a lot of this out about trey just by reading between the lines a bit in-game, i love how the novel really brings it to the forefront by making their arcs parallel each other like this.

[kepler-station]

MY LITTLE REASON WHY ⟡ VIRTUE OF INNOCENCE (CRK AU) ONESHOT

MY LITTLE REASON WHY, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO TRY LOVING YOU ıllı. "when dark enchantress cookie takes away the power of the five beasts, they are forced to crawl back to the ancients... and their old friend, the beast of sorrow."

— rq by @damsel-balladeer, thank you for requesting, and late happy new year!

— idk why i wanted to put this in here but blue diamond is the poster child of this au, lol. not what reader looks like, just the poster child. (this does mean im writing any virtue of innocence au stuff with fem!reader in mind but nowhere does it say any fem!reader descriptions so this is like gn!reader, thx.)

MY LITTLE REASON WHY — STEVEN UNIVERSE ıllı.

· · ͟͟͞͞꒰ TW. short, very short.

Inhale, exhale. A lot of mixed feelings went through [Sorrow]'s head.

Not so long ago, they let out their inner anger and sorrow at the group of cookies they now call 'their friends', and even that group of six so-called ancient heroes don't seem to warm up to them just yet, only the two who have been there when they turned and that pink hero.

And just now, their enemy, Dark Enchantress Cookie, that old hag who had attempted to wake them up not so long after the crack in the Silver Tree woke them up, stole their old friend's power and magic right then and there.

After all that happened, they just wanted to rest and do nothing. Take a break from life and be a normal Cookie for once, but no! The witches can't grant that for them, not even just this once.

Minutes prior, the six of the Ancient Heroes stood in front of Dark Enchantress Cookie's whereabouts, weapons in tow, abilities ready to fire, shields on standby for coming attacks.

Many feelings, good and bad danced about in their heart. Guilt, sorrow, grief, happiness, empathy, anger, clemency, relief, contempt, scorn, and everything in between. They shed many tears during the battle under your cloak, their blue aura spread not too often but it sure happened, enough to get a hit out of Dark Encantress while she sobbed in their flooding emotions.

Seeing their hurt friends made them sob tears of mixed emotions; they can't even say whether it was happy or sad tears, but through their blurred vision they saw their old friends. They had fallen one by one out of their cages after the Cake Witch grabbed them, immobilized them and took their powers away, and their new friends didn't let their guard down... until the blue aura returned.

They couldn't help it, they knew very well they could control it to use it offensively but...

While [Sorrow] shouted their feelings out at them for not standing up to that bitch of a villain on their own knowing damn well they could have crumbled her right then and there, they fell down to their knees and sobbed uncontrollably. Any form of magic was disabled and even the Soul Jam of your friends were blocked by the sheer intensity of [Sorrow]'s emotions. They weaponized your aura to make them subordinate and docile, knowing damn well between everyone here, they were the most powerful.

Though eventually White Lily Cookie was able to get through and make her stop, they fell silent and pensive throughout the journey home. Even separating the seas for a pathway home to Crispia was hard through tears and uncontrollable inner anger.

Inhale, exhale. Throughout the journey home, they discussed their next move now knowing that Dark Enchantress Cookie has the powers of the Beast Cookies in her hands, and they grew terrified that she would probably be after [Sorrow] due to their power.

Remember that their corrupted powers as Grief were never truly taken away and new power was just bestowed upon them through their Soul Jam, the Light of Healing, instead of purifying their corrupted magic. Perhaps the witches wanted them to recover on their own, this was their journey after all.

"Then that means..." White Lily Cookie started, trailing off as she looks down, horrified. "Dark Enchantress Cookie is probably coming for [Sorrow] next." Leading the group through the continent back to the Vanilla Kingdom, Pure Vanilla Cookie continued with a pensive expression (as pensive as he can get, atleast). Dark Cacao and Golden Cheese had their eyes on the Beasts.

As the awakened ones, they chose to guard the Beasts and make sure they won't be trying anything, even if they were powerless. Eternal Sugar looked like she was going to cry at the revelation but she looked sleepy still. The others stayed pensive and silent, certain fiery and grumpy cookies muttering under their breaths before a golden spear was pushed into their face, and [Sorrow] was next to a comforting Hollyberry Cookie, serious expression with teary eyes.

"Shh, Inhale and exhale, my friend. Deep breaths. 1,2..." Hollyberry tried calming down the Beast of Sorrow, removing their hood to reveal their messy hair underneath. Combing/running her fingers through their hair, Hollyberry continued to comfort the almost distraught cookie just as they returned safely.

They didn't let the Beasts go just yet, they could very well still do something, but they kept tabs on them, very very carefully.

That night, [Sorrow] snuck out. Under their cloak, they melted the lock using their blue aura (transmuted onto their hand) and stood in front of their powerless, wailing "friends". It wasn't just because they were being too loud crying so loudly, it was because they also missed them.

"So you escaped your silver prison and failed to save yourselves even when Dark Enchantress Cookie openly threatened and took away your powers. Do you have no shame? Come! Answer for what you've done!" With tears in their eyes, they demanded answers. Inside, they truly cared and were happy they survived, but this could've been avoided if...

"Sweetheart, we... We just..." Eternal Sugar couldn't even answer, Shadow Milk tried manipulating them, even paired with a measly string that could barely touch their droopy, long robes, into letting them free and giving them their Soul Jam for power the aura beat them first. "Do you have no shame? You abandoned me for power, and when you come crawling back to me thousands of years later, you only crave more? That you didn't save yourselves because you believed she would grant you eternal power over all of Cookiekind?"

Their ominousness was only interrupted by a quiet voice. A gentle voice paired with that familiar lily scent A knowing White Lily Cookie wasn't sleeping at all, far from it. Inside the greenhouse of.... where she apparently slept because a gazebo surrounded by lilies in a garden is better than a bed, she brainstormed plans to beat Dark Enchantress Cookie and to find a way to block her advances of getting [Sorrow]'s Soul Jam too. However, she was interrupted by familiar tears as it stained her papers under her, a faint blue aura surrounding the atmosphere.

Faint footsteps were detected by the Beast of Sorrow as their eyes tightened again. "I shall talk to you tomorrow then. Stay where you are and repent for what you have done." Blue water tendrils pierced the small windows above and the walls of white chocolate, vanilla and waffles, effectively trapping the Beasts, paired with lavender chains ensuring further entrapment that silenced their wails and cries. Their robe followed behind them as they stepped out, bubbling the prison before they were faced with a concerned and knowing White Lily Cookie.

"I... heard what happened. Do you want tea? I can brew some for the two of us. You can stay with me in my greenhouse if you'd like." She stretched out her hand before [Sorrow] took it, holding her hand tightly as they walked together, [Sorrow] removing their hood and walking slowly with the lily-scented hero to the greenhouse.

They smiled to themselves. They were glad their friends were atleast still alive.

And perhaps, that old, abandoned version of themselves of long ago were still alive too.

[hey-there-22]

I think little Powder created a rule for herself to not talk about Vander after she was taken in by Silco. She listens when he talks about him, she answers questions when asked directly but she never shares her thoughts. It probably started out of fear of fucking everything up and loosing Silco too, but after some time it just became a habit. 

But Felicia? Jinx didn't know Silco knew her, she didn't know she was the reason Silco became… Silco, so she just mentions her from time to time. 

The first time she did, Silco was teaching her about explosives (because that's what he had learnt they could bond over, even if he knew that Jinx's abilities would soon exceed his). He was working on one of Jinx's bombs, trying to help her figure out why it wasn't working when he just mentioned he used to deal with dynamite on the mines when he was Jinx's age.

There was a moment of silence. She wondered if that was how Silco and Vander had met, but she couldn't ask, so she tried to get that thought out of her head and said the next thing that came to her mind.

“My mum was a miner too.”

Silco froze for a second. Then continued to work in silence for a few minutes.

“There,” he said, handing the bomb to Jinx, “go test it out.”

Jinx smiled, excited, taking the bomb and Silco's sleeve to guide him outside the office, lightening the mood without even realizing it. 

They never really talked about Felicia. The same way they never really talked about Vander. One spoke, the other listened. No comments, no opinions, just letting the other one express their thoughts and feel listened to.

There was only one time Silco broke that unspoken rule: the last time they talked about her.

He had a meeting with a new investor in shimmer. An old contact, Silco had explained. After hours of negotiations, they had finally gotten to an agreement. The man looked around the room while Silco was pouring them a glass to close the deal. He shared a look with Jinx, who had been drawing on the coffee table the whole time. 

“Isn't that…” he began to ask, turning to face Silco, acting as if the kid couldn't hear him. “That's… Felicia's daughter, isn't it?”

Silco and Jinx looked at each other from across the room, both looking for the correct answer to the question in the other's reaction. People had asked before if she was one of Vander's kids and the answer had always been a simple and dry “no” from Silco that made them know not to ask again, but no one had ever recognized her because of her mother.

Silco seemed to keep his cool, thought, and quickly recomposed himself and looked away so Jinx did the same and continued drawing, pretending not to listen. Whatever he had decided was the correct answer was okey with her, she trusted him, trusted his calmness.

Silco handed the man the glass.

“She is, yes.” His tone was cold, a slight threat the man didn´t seem to get.

“Yeah, I figured," he took a sip "the three of you were inseparable back in the day after all.”

Trust? Trust was not was she was feeling anymore. Jinx had her gaze fixed on Silco. She was staring at him so intensely she could almost hear his thoughts going 'fuuuuuck'. But the coward  was. Not. Looking. Back. But then their eyes met for a brief second, and he was the smallest she had ever seen him. Guilty and ashamed and he wasn't Silco but the man he claimed Vander had killed long ago. Her father was showing vulnerability, and she wasn't about to dig in the wound. Not in front of other people.

She slowly returned to her drawings and noticed Silco physically relax. Only when the meeting was over and the investor had left, he acknowledged her again.

“Jinx…” He approached her.

“No.” She didn't move. “You can't do that”

“Do what?” He sat beside her on the floor but leaving some space between them.

“You knew my mum?” She looked at him, anger turning into tears.

Silco doubted for a second, “Yes.”

“No.” She stood up, tears uncontrollably running down her cheeks at that point. “It's not fair. You do not get to say I'm the daughter of the woman you knew. You do not get to feel grief or guilt or whatever the hell you… You can't tell me about her, or think of her when you look at me. You… you can't… She is mine. She is my mum. She can't… I've already…"

Silco got on his knees to hug her tight and she melted into his arms, all the anger transforming into muttered cries, they ended up on the floor again.”Shhh, don't cry. Don't cry, Jinx, she's yours, all yours. Shh, stop crying.”

They stayed like that for hours. Jinx eventually calmed down, but neither of them moved.

“You know, if you ever…” Silco whispered, breaking the silence.

“No.” Jinx interrupted in a weak mutter. “Grieve alone… Please. I don't want to know someone I've already lost.”

[crowlines]

Thanks for all the support in 2024! I'll be back to emails + shipping orders starting tomorrow.

(LONG POST)

This year was kind of a doozy (probably for everyone, definitely for me). I did a huge cross-country move that was very stressful, very time and energy intensive, very expensive, and very messy, but thank GOODNESS I finished it! Somehow during the moving process I still vended at a few in-person events (so smart of me to try juggling that). I took much more time off of store operations this year than normal and am really looking forward to the stability of being settled in one place for both work and personal reasons.

There's some other major stressful stuff that happened earlier in the year that I haven't talked about publicly yet because it still isn't fully resolved, which affected me quite a lot (and still affects me right now, many months later). Because I'm a pretty private person these days, I haven't been eager to share details about why I was having a hard time the past few years, or even the fact that I was having a hard time at all. Sometimes that made the experience of going through all of it feel very isolating, because I was supposed to create happy art and market myself and play the social media game even though I was severely burned out and struggling for multiple years.

But I'm thankful that right now, I feel like I'm finally starting a new chapter in my life and have a genuine chance to move forward and grow in a way that was very difficult or even felt impossible for the past few years. I'm proud of what I was able to accomplish with my work in 2020-2024 despite having an incredibly difficult time fulfilling my personal needs during that time, and am excited at the prospect of building a very significantly healthier and more sustainable work-life balance and future for myself. And of course, I am and will always be thankful that support from my audience in all forms lets me continue creating fun things. I'm thankful for all the time I've gotten to do it so far, and I hope I get to do it forever. Cheers to a hopeful 2025!

-Crow

[lambergeier]

2024 book post

this was simply not much of a reading year! middling start, uneven from month to month, slight revival during mine and emma's scotland trip in august, and then a HARD stop after which i gave up even trying and comics took over in full. the comics will be a separate post lol. recs in bold! except if they're from my vonnegut streak at the start of the year, in which case it would be ridiculous to attempt to recommend or not-recommend individual vonnegut books. it's vonnegut. you know what's up.

JANUARY

Sirens of Titan - Vonnegut (i loved pieces of this book in high school and didn't understand the rest of it and picked it up again to see if maybe a second attempt would assist. really funny bc as it turns out the pieces i didn't understand were like 80% of the book. catie age 15 knew this book was good but didn't know ANYTHING else that was going on. really good and funny and sad--shocking, it's vonnegut. inspired me to start reading the rest of his stuff in publication order)

The Book of all Books - Roberto Calasso (book length of cultural criticism on the subject of the bible, almost wholly the old testament, by a man I had not previously heard of but was apparently a monumental figure in european literary criticism prior to his recent death. as a cultural christian who was raised with truly 0 contact with christian faith at any point, this was a fascinating way to learn about some of the actual events of the old testament--as described by an incredibly impassioned old italian man, and with a whole chapter dedicated, suddenly, to freud. i skipped the freud chapter, but the rest of the book was intensely interesting and, huge credit to both calasso and his translator, beautiful. check that opening paragraph. also made for some engrossing conversations with my beautiful jewish wife who did have some religious education growing up and was extremely helpful in laying out what was more mainstream thought on david and solomon and what was mr. calasso getting On some Shit.)

Player Piano - Vonnegut (vonnegut's first book. good, even great at times, but lightly overwritten by normal standards and incredibly overwritten by what would become his own standards. the leap from this to sirens, his second book, is astonishing. NEVER stop writing, at ANY time you could go from writing perfectly interesting spec fic to producing some of the greatest american fiction of the century. also very interesting to read as a book about automation now, in the time of Newer automation. i think possibly nothing ever changes!)

Mother Night - Vonnegut (i really should have taken more notes at the time lmao. emma says i thought this one fucked. that feels correct. discussion of ww2 and the holocaust and the consequences of both are so eminently more valuable when written by people who lived through them, shocker. and, again, when those people were some of the most observant writers of their generation lmao. the israeli contempt for holocaust survivors that became obvious to me, christian american lady, only within the last year or two, is front in center in the mother night frame story. kinda want to read this again right now. what can individual guilt and responsibility even mean in the fact of all that death?)

Cat's Cradle - Vonnegut (REALLY should have taken more notes!! emma says i didn't vibe with this one. i believe her, but would love to remember why. i read cat's cradle in high school as well, but apparently it didn't click this time. who knows!!! not me, the dummy who doesn't write things down!!!)

God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater - Vonnegut (this one washed over me a bit. vivid memories of senator rosewater decrying deodorant as a liberal feminine luxury propagated by those fairies on madison ave, which was sooooooooo fucking interesting to me. bro sometimes the past just LEAPS out at you when you least expect it. this was probably also a masterpiece, i should read it again.)

Slaughterhouse-Five - Vonnegut (exactly as good as it always is. i should also read this again. idk i really should have taken more notes because i think i would have had more things to say, but once again all i really remember is the emotion, which is: man! the children's crusade!)

The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity - David Graeber and David Wengrow (OKAY GREAT NOT TALKING ABOUT VONNEGUT ANYMORE SO I CAN GET REAL. I LOOOOOOOOVED THIS BOOK. I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK FOOOOOOOR REAL. this is graeber and wengrow over and over again taking the wildest most cherry-picked possible interpretation of the archaeological evidence and being like okay so this is what this pre-history civilization could have been like. and you're like okay well hold up guys. and then they prove that the traditional, mainstream conception of these civilizations is EQUALLY wild and cherry-picked, so why the fuck shouldn't we consider their thing! if we're doing cherry picking! and it fully just opened my third eye re: other/non-western/non-modern-western modes of society building and i love it. i was already uninterested in books that conceive of Society and Nature as deeply opposed forces that can never mix without one or the other being destroyed, and this book really put the nail in the coffin. there are so many other ways to live. people did them. people still do them. it's time to incorporate SEASONALITY into our PARADIGMS!!! anyways please read this book.)

FEBRUARY

American Midnight - Adam Hochschild (emma talks about this one as well, she recommended it to me, but just a fantastic history of american democracy under wilson/during and after ww1. spoiler: it was weak, threatened, and overall bad. fuck wilson and fuck teddy roosevelt fr! i listened on audiobook, but still what i would call a very readable style by a very smart guy.)

MARCH

We Both Laughed in Pleasure - Lou Sullivan (a birthday gift from @brella that i really loved but that i think was still a bit too repetitive in the middle for me to recommend to all comers lol. the collected and abridged diaries of lou sullivan, a trans man originally from the midwest and living in san francisco in the 80s and early 90s (he was killed by AIDS in '91), who was a trailblazing community organizer mostly, by his own admission, because he was a guy who was willing to organize zines and meetings and etc for other trans men before anyone else thought to. the repetitiveness is the fault of the diaries' curators imho--they focused primarily on pulling the passages that focused on sullivan's trans and gay identity and his experience with his own sexuality which was, don't get me wrong, hugely fascinating, but also this guy had a lot of sex and wrote a LOT about it, so eventually it was like. well i think i've read about this particular sexual partner of yours for a few pages now, maybe we could get something else going on? still really loved it. the opening passages, from when sullivan was like 13, focus on his intense, intensely fannish love for the beatles. the paul mccartney do-be problem: it never goes out of style!!)

APRIL

The Traitor Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - still dickinson, yeah (traitor i read in college, monster i read when it came out, tyrant i BOUGHT when it came out but never read, and so when we went out of town in april for passover i was like fuck it. i'm finally reading tyrant. ALAS: it's not that good. traitor is good on a functional level if not the most compelling: gets through its story with limited uneven-ness, characters are barebones but interesting, story itself is interesting, etc. monster is my favorite: nuts, deeply compelling, but not necessarily good. the plot's a bit of a mess but every character leaps off the page--not just baru, but ever side character introduced as little more than a name in traitor is suddenly vivid, breathing, sexy, homosexual, and deranged. srivakir you will ALWAYS be famous. tyrant, unfortunately, is deranged but so so too long. plot throughline is muddled, action is jumpy and erratic, characters are still great but just can't overcome the lumpen nature of the story. i'll still read the last book, but i'm not surprised tyrant took dickinson so long, nor that the fourth book has been so long in coming. svirakir and your lover and your non-sexual throuple and your child and your lightning madness fr call me when you are free tho.) (WAIT ALSO EVERYONE WHO ACCUSED TRAITOR OF HOMOPHOBIA FOR BEING KILL-YOUR-GAYS WAS FOR SURE A HATER THO. EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT THAT CRITICISM WAS WRONG HAVE BEEN PROVED VALID AS HELL. TOXIC YURI STAY WINNING!!!)

The Spear Cuts Through Water - Simon Jimenez (refreshing in that it believed very badly that prose should be beautiful, but i do not think the prose was actually beautiful. huge huge points for trying. pacing in the first half actively bored me, second half picked up, and the metanarrative twist at the end got me good. i don't recommend it recommend it, but i do recommend it on the basis that jimenez should for sure get credit for trying)

Solitaire - Kelly Erskine (read this bc my wife mentioned it and it was like, really funny. good, but then not good? intensely interesting, but then went somewhere else entirely that was like super normie and boring? sci fi written by queer women who really fully believe in the uplifting power of corporatism and MBTI specifically. three short stories mashed together than only vaguely have any relationship to each other. still had a good time.)

MAY

The Saint of Bright Doors - Vajra Chandrasekera (loved this loved this loved this. there IS good debut genre fiction out there. we just have to believe!!!)

JUNE - nope

JULY

Out for Good: The Struggle to Build a Gay Rights Movement in America - Adam Nagourney and Dudley Clendinen (political history of the american gay rights movement pre-AIDS. had some fascinating insights into the history of lesbian separatism/animosity towards the mainstream gay rights movement (turns out, in the 60s and 70s, between the male-dominated gay rights movement and the mostly-straight feminist movement, one of those things was offering more personhood to lesbians than the other!), and how the gay rights movement failed to respond to AIDS when the first warning signs started to appear. that was crazy. having moved in gay political circles myself, one can really see why everyone did what they did, and it sucks, because it resulted in a lot of death. recommend if political history is an existing area of interest, it wasn't a standout (like last year's Coming Out Under Fire) otherwise.)

Night Theater - Vikram Paralkar (really good, honestly not as depressing as i thought it would be. but only because emma tricked me thinking it would be even worse!)

AUGUST

Meet Me by the Fountain: An Inside History of the Mall - Alexandra Lange (cultural history of american malls. interesting, but towards couldn't decide whether it was history or cultural criticism or architectural criticism or what. happens all the time. made me think more kindly towards malls as community spaces at least, and the short history of pre-mall shopping and the social forces that led to the creation of urban malls/department stores in 1800s france (including, among other things, paved streets!) was really interesting.)

The Future - Naomi Alderman (wanted to be a cure for tech-poisoned futures, but was itself still too tech-poisoned in its understandings of power/individualism. oh well!)

The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Books 1-3 - Jonathan Stroud (posted about these more extensively at the time--adored them in middle school, read them again for the first time as an adult. still so good. of middling quality all the way up until the end, at which point you are struck dead by god. emma can confirm. got struck dead by god on the train between glasgow and edinburgh. i was there.)

Call for the Dead - John Le Carre

Murder of Quality - John Le Carre

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold - John Le Carre (first three books in what was intended to be a much longer le carre read, and which i should really get back to. call for the dead is a debut, murder of quality is a rightly abandoned attempt to go the classic murder-mystery route, and then spy who came from the cold in is, much like described above, a sudden psychic assault by god. brutal fucking spy fiction, and the only kind of spy fiction worth reading, as in so cynical as to be basically suicidal. spies have never solved a problem they didn't create themselves and perpetuate by means of, at minimum, five innocent lives. NEED to read our game. love and kisses to mr le carre!!)

Martyr! - Kaveh Akbar (love is REAL and so is POETRY and is so fucking your GAY ROOMMATE! very very lovely.)

SEPTEMBER - also nope

OCTOBER

Long Live Evil - Sarah Rees Brennan (svsss retelling meets fe3h character dynamics, fumbles the best elements of both, creates a great premise (brennan grappling very publicly with her own near-death to cancer is the best part of the book and makes for a great framework for an isekai protagonist) but the execution can't keep up with the ideas. alas! not the best book to finish out the year on, but what can you do. at least i read something!)

and that's the end of books for the year!!! 29 total (one not listed here), so a low since 2021, when i only started reading again in like august of that year following a cool post-depressive episode no-reading-spell that lasted several times longer than the actual depressive episode did lol. i have not recently been depressed so i think the dry periods this year were simply dry periods. and, especially the comics started happening, it's not like i've been lacking things to spend brain power on. now those things are just american superhero comics! which is a whoopsie! even a whoopsie-doodle! but i've got a tbr pile as tall as my hip so hopefully i circle back to real books at some point next year. and if i don't, i don't!

[halowishes]

my fav fics of 2024!!

i wanted to share my other recs that i read before i started my lists and ones that just deserve MORE recognition/ changed me/ inspire me to live my life.

fandoms: mostly haikyuu & some demon slayer

(skts if the ship is unspecified)

red dahlia

e. 103k+. ongoing. handmaiden au.

guys. this was probably the fic that made me fall in love with sakuatsu. fairycake always does impeccable world building and splendid writing. this fic has such flair and style— it’s in both povs so you can feel all the nuance. and the PLOT. the DIALOGUE. the IMAGERY. god this is really such a wonderful fic and i’m dying to find out what happens next!!

play among the stars

e. 105k. sci-fi/ rom-com/ drama?

ok so there’s a jail on the moon. kiyoomi is a guard and atsumu is a prisoner! i had so much fun reading this. i’ve never read anything like it. it was intense but well-paced, dramatic yet comedic, serious and silly! kiyoomi had some really beautiful development, and atsumu’s character was a treasure. every chapter was gorgeous but i ESPECIALLY love the last few.

in transit — kageyama x hinata

t. 4.7k. canon universe.

one of the first hq fics i read. so sweet and felt very loyal to the anime. i also just thought the image of kageyama playing basketball was so funny. this fic introduced me to the world of hq fanfic so i’ll always be thankful for it.

in another life — bokuto x akashi

t. 23k. mcd/ hospital au.

honestly? heartbreaking. soul crushing. i’ll randomly remember parts of it and just sit in silence for a bit. this fic is probably why i actually haven’t really sought out any other bokuaka… i just end up thinking about this😭 AND ITS SO WELL WRITTEN. the storyline is so precise and clean, but it packs a punch (that ends in tears). i wondered how the hell it had so many hits but i get it. i really do. and i’m a changed person because of it.

three sheets to the wind

m. 117k. pirate au.

i am actually very obsessed with atsumu teaching kiyoomi how to let loose and feel the sun on your skin and be honest and real. also such a fan of atsumu’s casual poetry because when you’re obsessed with someone, words can just roll off the tongue. very big believer of love inspiring courage and bravery.

insert coin to play

e. 178k. cyberpunk au.

we all know how much i love this but what does it for me is how it understands kiyoomi’s characteristics: he’s blunt, strong, determined, and a bit irrational. i love loud and proud fighter atsumu, but kiyoomi is no less weaker just because he’s quiet. and i will always always always remember that scene in the club where they talked about a world if they were ordinary. anyways i can always talk about this fic.

heirs

e. 237k. corporate & soulmate au.

this was the slow burn of the year. yes the fic was about love and choice and agency, but also duty, piety, and power. it was provoking and thoughtful and dramatic (in a good way). i actually felt the anger, betrayal, and shame of those characters because the plot is just that intense.

again, like this

e. 55k. mid time skip.

this really is my comfort fic. i’ve read it so often i can probably tell you verbatim every plot point. but i can’t help it because they are so tender. so innocent and raw and real. they make each other better and it’s such a pleasure to read. and (you got me) the smut was really really good ok?😭😭

the tide will turn

e. 80.8k. titanic au.

there’s not much i can say because of spoilers but GOD. this fic is so luxurious and unreal. i was obsessed with the characters and finding out what came next. it was a thrilling and emotional read (definitely cried). the fic was so immersive and the last few chapters stuck with me.

afflictions for below-average asian-americans

t. 7.5k. american suburbia au.

genuine, embarrassing, overwhelming, inexplicable. the character development is so special and subtle, yet inspiring. although the premise comes off as niche, i think anyone can relate to feelings of envy and insecurity. this seriously made me appreciate 17 year-old halo more <3.

do i dare disturb the universe?

t. 14.9k. parallel timeline.

*screams*. i need more second chance fics. (vulnerable lore moment) i have a deep rooted aversion to failure and making mistakes so stories like these help me unlearn that. generally, there’s no right or wrong in how to live your life so why aren’t we just doing what we can to be fulfilled and loved? very important fic in the “listen to your heart!!” folder.

it drives you crazy getting old

m. 45.9k. 13 going on 30-ish au.

there is something so comforting about reading a young skts in their 32 year old selves. the fic is about learning how to be patient, to be vulnerable, to love. growing up can be so scary but this fic is a gentle reminder that everything will work itself out and you never have to do it alone. you may not end up where you thought, and that’s okay.

bound

e. 68.1k. actors au.

what i admire about this fic is how generous it is. the characters make mistakes, they say and do things they don’t mean, they can be unhealthy and miscommunicate. but at the end of the day, they’re so patient and loving that the stars align for them because they deserved that happy ending. (and that speech at the end was just too good not to include. it makes me cry every time.)

rain on your wedding day

g. 4.6k. skts wedding.

the joys of celebrating love. the joys of having a community who supports you and will do anything to see you happy. the joys of spending the rest of your life with Your Person. i don’t care if it’s a fanfic, it’s canon TO ME.

how to NOT fall in love with your flatmate’s twin

m. 46.7k. mid-time skip.

while atsumu and kiyoomi’s budding relationship is delightful and the twins’ characters are superb, i will always remember this fic for the side plot of kiyoomi learning to reconnect with his mother. it’s simple yet so powerful. this fic makes me appreciate my parents, siblings, and everything university gave me :’).

burden of blame

e. 91.2k. yakuza au.

if there’s anything to know about me it is that i LOVE a thriller. the plot of this fic is so buzzing with life and mystery. also i’m a SUCKER for bossy ass kiyoomi x nonstop yapper atsumu. it just amplifies the banter and tension by a mile. and selfless, impulsive atsumu will always have a place in my heart <3.

constellations we called home

e. 53.5k. end of the world au.

i read this fic over a month ago but i still can’t be normal about it. it’s extravagant, emotional, and honestly punched a hole through my heart that i might never recover from (like all apocalypse aus). this fic reminds me of the “would you rather have a good thing and or never have it at all” debate. i love love.

sketches of a firefly

e. 88.7k. magic realism/ returning to a small town au.

recently featured in my monthly recs but i don’t care! this fic made me want to be a kid again. it’s literally and figuratively magical. the storytelling amazed me and the tension was soooo vivid. this is a very worthy read but READ THE TAGS.

stockholm syndrome isn’t real

e. 50.2k. heist au.

also mentioned in my dec recs! i just love how this fic read like an action comedy movie. the punchy humor and the well paced scenes made it go by like my dream sakuatsu film. i’m still wrapping my head around how intricate the dynamics and plot of this fic are!

terminal curiosity

e. 9 works, each 10k+. canon universe.

we all read it, we all know it’s good. there’s nothing new i can say about it but i do go back and read it every couple months.

demon slayer

blue — giyuu x sabito

t. 17.2k. canon divergence.

giyuu wakes up in an au where sabito lives. the fic was so gentle and loving and careful. giyuu’s disbelief and the absurdity of it all— you feel all of that with this fic. the story was just so wholesome and made me love giyuu.

uh huh, honey — giyuu x sanemi

e. 151k. pornstar au😭😭

ok i realize the premise is bonkers but the plot is actually pretty deep😭 this fic was prime “opposites attract” in that the characters complement each other perfectly. really beautiful imagery, hilarious dialogue, and such a silly premise but full of admiration and thought.

and that’s my year of fanfic! i almost called this my top 24 fics of 2024 but then i thought “there’s no way i have 24 favs” and here i am… only two short.

but yeah! i’m glad to be back in fandom culture because it really is what got me through tough times. i hope you give these fics a chance or (most likely) if you’ve already read them, let me know what you thought about them!! (if you want more recs check my halo reads tag).

i’m not sure how long these monthly recs will last as i move onto a new part of my life, but i do hope you all find some community in these posts <3

lots of love ALWAYS,

halo <3