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holdmytesseract · 2 years ago

Text

Narfi

☆ The Baby Fever AU ☆

Loki x fem!Reader

Summary: You're going into labour - unexpectedly. The problem? It's way too early and Loki isn't home...

Warnings: pregnancy things, birth, pain, swear words? angst, panic attacks, tooth rotting fluff

Word Count: 5k (Whoopsies 👀)

a/n: Yaaaay! It's time for y'all to finally meet Narfi! 🥳 Ella is a big sister now! 🥰 I decided to wrote things slightly... 'different'. You'll see. I hope you like it! I tried my best! ☺️

Sidenote: I'm not a pregnancy/birthing expert, so... 😅🙈

Tagging: @km-ffluv @lokisgoodgirl @eleniblue @vbecker10 @loz-3 @jennyggggrrr @lokisninerealms @peaches1958 @multifandom-worlds @fictive-sl0th @loki-laufeyson-1054 @lovingchoices14 @simping-for-marvel @stupidthoughtsinwriting @lou12346789 @kimanne723 @coldnique @lady-rose-moon @mostclevermiss @aagn360 @acefeather2002 @iamlokisgloriouspurpose

Baby Fever Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

The day had started quite normal. Well... As normal as a day could start with being a little over six months pregnant. You had gotten up quite early to prepare breakfast and say goodbye to your husband, since he left for a mission quite early. Seven in the morning, to be precise, so you got up at six, in order to surprise him with your self-made pancakes. No, you didn't do that for Loki before every mission, but you did it today, since he had to go with Tony - about which he was everything but amused. He had been grumpy all day yesterday after getting to know that. But well... The mission had to be done and Tony was the only one available together with Loki. Though, it wasn't just that. Loki didn't like to leave you alone, now that you reached the seventh month. Sure, you weren't close to birth yet, but nevertheless... It didn't sit right with him. He didn't have a good feeling about it.

Just when you flipped the first pancake in the pan, the door to the kitchen got quietly opened and closed again. "Darling? What in all the nine realms are you doing here?" You knew that he would protest, seeing you up this early. You didn't care, though. You were pregnant not sick. "Preparing a delicious breakfast for my husband," you announced, turning around to face him with a smile. "Since he has to go on a mission with the mean and annoying man of steel." Loki sighed, shaking his head, "Don't even start..." and stepped closer to you. He was already dressed in his full Asgardian armour – except for his helmet, ready to go. "That's really sweet of you, my queen, but you didn't have to do that. I'd rather have you in bed, resting and growing our baby boy." Loki said, cupping your big bump and leaning down to bestow a loving, but sensual kiss upon your lips. You couldn't help but smile in the kiss, lifting both your hands to rest on his leather clad chest. "I know, baby, but I just wanted to do that for you. Wasn't able to sleep anyway for the last two or three ours." The God's expression changed; his face now reflected worry and concern. "Why couldn't you sleep? Is everything alright?" You nodding and rubbed you palms up and down his chest in order to calm him. "Yes, of course, Lokes. I just had a few Braxton Hicks contractions, got kicked by your son a few times and needed to get up to pee two times." Loki nodded, now slightly relieved by your answer, but not entirely. His big hands roamed over your protruding stomach, caressing it gently. "Are you sure, my love?" "Yes, I am." You said, capturing his lips for a quick kiss. "Now sit down and have some pancakes - unless you like 'em burned." Loki rolled his eyes but smiled, causing you to giggle. He gave in in the end, of course and sat down, eating your self-made pancakes. The God couldn't lie... He loved your pancakes and he loved that you surprised him with it. But no matter how much he would love to help you clean up now, wake Ella and bring her to the kindergarten, before spending a lazy morning in bed with you, he had to go... And he absolutely hated it.

"Be safe, okay?" You told him, standing in the door frame of the main door. "Of course, darling. Don't worry about me." Loki wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you as close to him as possible. "You two be safe, yes?" He said, nodding at your belly and you. "Yes." "Good. Take it easy and rest. I'll be back in two days." You nodded, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him one last time. "I'm going to miss you, Lokes..." "I'm going to miss you and my princess and prince as well." You smiled at him, squeezing his thick leather clad shoulders. "Don't annoy Tony so much, yeah?" You said, teasing him slightly and knowing exactly that this would never even happen in your wildest dream. They were going to annoy the hell out of each other... "I'm afraid I can't promise you that, my love." Loki chuckled, winking; before he turned to leave.

After saying thoroughly goodbye to Loki, you cleaned up the kitchen, woke up Ella and got her ready for kindergarten, before bringing her there, of course.

While your daughter was away, you cleaned up the house a bit and did some laundry. Much to your dismiss, you had to take a lot of breaks, due to quite a lot Braxton Hicks contractions. At some point, it even really started to annoy you. It hadn't been that bad with Ella...

Hours ticked by and the Braxton Hicks didn't get better. Rather worse. So, you tried to lay down and sleep, give your body some rest. At first, that was perfectly fine - until you woke up again, with a sticky feeling between your legs. Rubbing your eyes tiredly, your brain needed a moment to catch up. Frowning, you shifted, feeling like you've gotten your period - what was impossible. What in all the nine- Oh no... That was the moment in which your brain had finally caught up, sending a shockwave through your whole body. Within seconds, you sat up and threw the blanket aside. On your sleep shorts was a wet patch - and no, you didn't pee yourself. Your eyes widened at that sight, heart hammering against your chest. Your water broke. Your fucking water broke. That couldn't be. It was way too early. You were not even seven entire months pregnant. "Oh no, no, no..." Panic started to course through your system, as you got up and made your way as fast as possible into the bathroom. It was true. Your water broke. The Braxton Hicks contractions weren't Braxton Hicks... They were real contractions. Not knowing what to do or how to react, you did the only thing your panicking brain could think of... Calling your husband. Grabbing your phone, you quickly tapped on his contact in order to call him; praying to the Gods that he was able to accept your call while flying on the Quinjet. To your sheer relief, he could. "Darling? Everything al-" You didn't even let him finish his sentence. You couldn't. You were way too afraid and panicky. "M-My water broke, Loki." There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. "I beg you pardon, w-what?" "My water broke. I-I'm in labour." You said, swallowing hard as you felt the tears coming up in your eyes. "I-It's way too early, Loki! I-I shouldn't be in labour now! I'm not even halfway through the seventh month! I-I don't know what is going on! I-I'm afraid! Loki, what do I do now?!" You sobbed, rambling. "Okay, okay, darling. First, take a deep breath please, then tell me exactly what happened." "O-Okay." You did what your husband said, took a deep breath. "I-I had contractions all morning. I-I thought they were just Braxton Hicks, but they weren't. I decided t-to lay down, have some rest, a-and now I woke up and my... my water was broken. I-I'm in- Ughhh..." Another contraction caused you to cut off your own sentence. "L-Labour... I-I'm in labour."

On the Quinjet, Loki literally froze to the ground in pure shock. Your water broke?! You were in labour?! How could that be? It was way too early and- Oh no... His eyes widened at the realisation which dawned suddenly on him. It was too early - for a normal pregnancy, but... not for a Jotun pregnancy. His blood froze in his veins. Seemed like that baby inherited way more of his Jotun genes than he anticipated. Than everybody anticipated. Not even the healers on Asgard saw that coming...

"L-Loki?" Your weaky, shaky voice snapped him immediately back into reality. "I'm sorry, darling, I'm right here. Listen... Normal pregnancies last for about nine to ten months, but Jotun pregnancies last about seven, which means..." "Oh gods... O-Our baby is a Jotun?" Your voice was filled with so much fear. "Not entirely, I think. But my Jotun genes are strong, I'm afraid. I'm so sorry, my love. If I would've known, I-" "No..." You interrupted him on an instant. "Don't blame yourself, please. I-I think I'm ready to give birth, it's just... so sudden, I..." You took a deep breath, feeling the next contraction creep up on you. "I just want our baby to be okay. I-I couldn't stand if something would happen to him. Y-You said he's presumably not entirely Jotun, so what if it's still too early? What if he's not ready to survive outside my womb yet? O-Oh gods..." Another wave of panic rolled through you, causing you to stumble back slightly. "Y/N, love, hey... Listen to me. This won't happen, okay? Everything is going to be alright. You will be alright and our baby as well. Don't panic, please. This is not good for either of you." You nodded, more so to yourself to persuade yourself that he was right. "O-Okay.... Okay. I-I'm going to call Heimdall, so that he can open the Bifrost for m-" "No!" Your husband interjected immediately, voice filled with fear and worry. "W-What?" You were confused now. "You can't do that. I-It's not safe. Travelling with the Bifrost while being pregnant - no problem at all. Travelling with the Bifrost while being in labour - dangerous. It could harm the baby. You can't go to Asgard, my love. It's too late. You need to have our baby here, on Midgard."

That didn't help your anxiety either. Not at all. You were prepared to give birth on Asgard, just like you did with Ella. It was way safer, given the fact that the healers knew what they were dealing with. Your babies weren't just normal babies after all. Certainly not your son. He was a Frost Giant. How on earth would be human doctors able to deal with that? "Ohhh no, no, no, no... I can't do this, Loki. I can't do this here, without the healers!" You could swear, you never felt so much fear in your life than in that moment. "Love, please... I need you to stay calm. I know this isn't easy, but hyperventilation is going to make it worse. Please, my queen, please." "A-And what do I do now?" You cried, unable to hold back the tears anymore. Loki's heart ached, knowing that he should be with you right now and not on a damn Quinjet, heading for Sacramento. "You are going to call an ambulance and make sure you're under medical supervision, okay?" "O-Okay." "I'll look after the rest and try to come back home as fast as possible. Call me, if you need me, yes?" "Y-Yes." "Good. I love you. We're going to make this, I promise." Loki hated to hang up now, but he had to. The God needed to make sure that this Quinjet was no longer heading away from you, but back to you. So, he headed for the cockpit, where Tony was.

The billionaire said casually in his chair, working on new blueprints for an even better suit. The Quinjet was on autopilot. "Stark!" Loki bellowed. "We need to turn around and fly back!" An exaggerated sigh could be heard from Tony, before he swiftly turned around in the chair. "No, absolutely not, Reindeer Games." "It's urgent, Stark. An emergency!" Another annoyed sigh from Tony. "I know you don't like to be on this mission with me - what goes both ways. I don't like spending time with you either, but this mission is impor-" The man didn't get any further. Loki, which had clearly lost his patience with the billionaire already, grabbed him the lapels of his sweatshirt, pulled him roughly out of his chair and pinned him with a thud against the nearby metal wall. Tony was way too perplexed to fight back. Not that he would stand a chance against the God. Without his suit, he was nothing more than a normal man. That was what Loki thought at least. "This idiotic mission is not even in the slightest important to me. My family is important to me. I tell you there's an emergency and you just keep on mocking me?" Loki snarled; a dark chuckle leaving his lips. "Big mistake - and you should know that, Stark. I have to go back to my wife and unborn baby. Y/N went into labour way too early. I don't care about rescuing cats from trees. All I care about right now is the safety and health of my wife and child." He tightened his grip a bit, while Tony just stared at him like paralyzed. "Now turn this Quinjet around, Stark or you are going to wish you had taken my brother on this mission instead of me." Tony blinked; the words reaching his brilliant brain. Immediately, the usually so quick-witted man lifted his hands in awe. He didn't know. How could he know? "Okay, Reindeer Games, okay! I surrender! Just... Let me down." With another angry snarl, Loki let go of Tony - who went to the control board on an instant and changed the destination of the autopilot again. The God witnessed it, gave the man another intense look, before he turned to leave. "Idiot... He could've just said that this was about Y/N instead of threatening me..." Tony muttered under his breath, unable to hear for Loki, as he sat back down on the chair. "Don't fret, my love. I'm coming." Loki mumbled, staring out of the small window. His heart was aching for his wife. He should have never left. He just should've stayed.

You couldn't remember much. Calling an ambulance and riding with them towards the hospital was one of those things.

"Okay, ma'am can you walk?" One of the friendly paramedics asked. A man with ash blonde hair and a lip piercing. You nodded, steadying yourself at the hallway wand. "I-I think so, yes." "Alright. We will steady you." Together with the two paramedics, you made your way down the elevator and hallways of the Avengers compound. It was quiet. Nobody was home. Except you. It was a rare thing to happen, but it did happen. Unfortunately, right on that day. "How far apart are your contractions now? Can you tell that?" The woman with a ponytail asked. "I-I, um... Uh..." You were still shaken up. Loki's words managed to calm you, yes, but only to a certain extent. "I think about an hour apart now." "Okay, and your water broke?" "Y-Yes." You reached the ambulance after a fifteen-minute slow walk, the paramedics helping you inside. "And how far are you exactly?" Asked the man. You swallowed. "Twenty-five weeks." The man and woman's eyes widened, shock written all over their face, causing you to quickly add some more information. "B-But, uh this-" You started, but help your breath as another contraction rolled over you. The pain causing you to bend over, gritting your teeth. The grip of both the man and woman tightened, in order to keep you steady. After taking a few deep, deep breaths, you continued. "This isn't a n-normal pregnancy... M-My husband isn't from, u-um here. He's uh, halfway Asgardian and Jotun, a-and this baby has a lot o-of Jotun genes apparently. T-That's why our son's coming earlier." Your gaze met both their eyes, which reflected still shock, but also disbelief. They clearly needed a moment to get along. Blinking, the man nodded. "O-Okay, um. We just get you to the hospital first. Then we'll see." Said and done. About fifteen minutes later, you were in the hospital - and from that point on, everything went a bit blurry. Your heart was beating fast against your chest, as the car came to an halt. You weren't ready for this. You weren't. No matter if this baby was actually ready to be born, it was still too early. Even for the Jotun pregnancy - as you realized a few minutes ago. This caused a fresh wave of angst and panic course through your system, making your hands shake. So many thoughts were cursing through your mind. What if the baby wasn't going to survive this? Loki wasn't here. What if he couldn't make it back in time? You needed him. You couldn't bring this baby into this world without him, could you? And with that not enough... A contraction like you never had before rolled over your body, causing you almost to black out from the amount of pain. Panting hard, you suddenly felt something else within your body. "I-I-I need to push. I-I, oh gods. I need to p-push." You stammered out, shocking the paramedics again. "Ma'am, are you sure? You just told us your contractions were about an hour apart." "I-I know, but- ahhhh." You couldn't resist this urge any longer. You had to. "Okay, quick, get her inside. We need to check on her!" The woman said, quickly helping the man to get you inside the hospital.

This didn't help your anxiety as well. Quite the opposite. It became even worse. So bad, that you couldn't fight it anymore. It started to cloud your mind; invading your brain. You halfway passed out on the way, but everything was a blur; constantly switching between consciousness and unconsciousness. Bright light, some strange voices saying words you couldn't make out - and the faint cry of a baby was all you could remember.

The Quinjet had been going as fast as possible - and yet it took Tony and Loki almost three hours to get back to the Avengers compound. Without even saying a single word to Tony, Loki stormed out of the Quinjet the moment it touched the ground. You and his son were everything he could think about right now. There was nothing more important to the God in all the nine realms - except Ella and probably his oaf of a brother. So, he made his way straight to the hospital, stormed through the doors and headed immediately to the maternity ward. Good thing that he was here before, when little Morgan was born not so long ago. It helped him now to remember the way.

With quick steps approached Loki the first nurse he saw in that big, white hallway... A man with very short, pink hair.

"Excuse me, would you please lead me to my wife? Y/N Y/L/N. She must be here." The nurse stopped in his movements, turned to face Loki, eyes widening slightly. You could tell that the man was quite a bit shocked at what his eyes saw. And maybe he wasn't taking Loki seriously. "I, um... I'm sorry, Sir, but I'm afraid I can't." The God frowned. "What? Why not? I demand to see my wife!" The male nurse shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sir. I can't allow a stranger to go-" "I'm not a stranger! I'm the husband and father of the child my wife is currently bringing into this world!" The God balled his hands to fists, clearly angered now. But the nurse didn't budge. "I understand your worry and concern, but I am not allowed to, Sir, until I have this checked." Loki sighed. Probably it wasn't a good idea to literally storm into this hospital, still dressed in full Asgardian armour and armed to the teeth... Loki was sure he was going to hear from Fury about this - and Steve. But what was he supposed to do? That was Y/N - and his unborn baby! A deep breath left Loki's lips as he turned around and took a few steps away from the nurse. With a snap of his fingers, a green shimmer enveloped his body, changing his armour into a hoodie, black jeans and a pair of sneakers. Then he turned to face the man again, who stood open-mouthed across from him, clearly shocked and surprised at what he just witnessed. "Please. I'm begging you. I just want to see my wife and child." If his son wasn't born already - what Loki didn't hope... He was never one to beg. Never. But this situation, with him not knowing how you and the baby were doing, had him on his knees. At Loki's pleading look, the nurse gave in. "Alright, Sir. I'll have a look. What's your wife's name again?" "Y/N Y/L/N." "And you are...?" "Loki Laufeyson." "Okay. I'll be right back." Loki nodded, being very relieved. "Thank you."

About five minutes later, the man came back - with a woman in tow, which definitely looked like a doctor. The God felt how his heart sped up. Was this a good sign or a bad sign? He didn't know. "Mr. Laufeyson?" The doctor approached him. "Yes. My wife is she...?" "She is alright." Relief washed over Loki. "Thank the norns... A-And the baby?" "Alright as well." Loki swallowed. "S-So he's already born?" The woman nodded, giving him an apologetic smile. "He is." His shoulders slumped, sadness overcoming him like a big shadow. "I missed the birth of my son..." He mumbled under his breath, nevertheless loud enough for the doctor to hear. "I'm sorry, Mr. Laufeyson, but the little man couldn't wait for his dad to arrive." Another nod from the God. "How did the birth go? Without complications, I hope?" "Yes. It was a natural birth, although your wife went through a lot of stress and panic attacks. During the birth she was constantly slipping in and out of consciousness." Loki's eyes widened at that. Oh norns... Apparently, you had been so afraid of the sudden situation you were thrown in. Fear of giving birth. Fear of giving birth too early. Fear of the baby's health. And he couldn't be there. No, he sat on a fucking Quinjet towards Sacramento with Tony Stark. Great. "Can I see them, please?" "Of course. Want to pick up your son first?" Loki's heart sped up at the thought of seeing and holding his son for the very first time. "Yes, please." "Follow me."

The doctor led Loki down the hall and around the corner into another hallway, until they came to an halt in front of a big door with two window panes in the middle. "This is our newborn nursery. Before you can enter this room, you have to change." She handed Loki a blue hygiene coat, who quickly put it on. "Ready to meet your son?" The God nodded, almost impatiently.

The woman then led him through the newborn nursery, in which countless cribs stood. Some empty, some with a baby inside. Loki was pretty sure that he had never seen so many babies in one room in his life before. His eyes travelled from one to the other, as the doctor was leading him through the big room.

"There we are." She announced then, stopping in front of one of the cribs. "Meet your son, Mr. Laufeyson." Loki wasn't able to see much yet, but what he saw, was a tiny, blue hand peeking out of the crib. Like Ella, was his son born in his Jotun form - as it seemed. The God's eyes widened slightly, before they searched for Dr. Martin's - as he could read on the little name plate; his brain already working fast to come up with an explanation. Sure, they didn't see a blue baby every day... Just as he wanted to open his mouth, Dr. Martin spoke up. "Your wife told us." She said, smiling softly. He blinked, was a bit taken aback. A blue baby... And nobody lost it? The doctor seemed to read the confusion on Loki's face. "Your baby boy isn't the first special baby we had here." She explained further, before she turned on her heels to leave. "I give you a few minutes of alone time with your son now. I think after that we can take him to his mama." Loki was still in some kind of shock, unable to say a word and just watched the friendly and understanding doctor leave - until a soft, but demanding whine ripped him out of his trance; causing his stomach to flip. The God's head snapped immediately direction crib. Cautiously, he approached the little bed, taking the first look on his newborn son. The little boy was wrapped up in a light blue teddy bear babygrow. Little legs pulled up against his belly; tiny hands balled into fists. His eyes were still closed, but his face was contorted, as another soft whine left his pouty lips. A tuft of black hair was on his head. Loki wasn't able to see a lot of his skin, but as he could tell from afar, it was blue. Familiar marks and ridges adorned his son's face and head. Loki's heart did another somersault, as it fell hopelessly in love with the baby boy. He was beautiful. Just absolutely beautiful - and he was his.

"Hello, little man." Loki spoke in a soft, hushed tone. As soon as his voice urged to the baby's ears, his tiny face seemed to relax; clearly feeling and hearing that his father was close. Without hesitation, Loki reached inside the crib and took the baby carefully up in his arms. "Welcome to this world, Narfi." He managed to choke out, before his emotions got stuck in his throat and a few tears escaped the corners of his eyes. He was blessed with becoming a father again... It was hard to grasp for Loki. He needed a few moments to realise it; feeling pure love and proudness course through his veins. It eased the pain and sadness of missing Narfi's birth a bit. He was here now - and he would not leave his or your side again. "I am so sorry I missed the moment you saw the light of the day, but I am here now, my little prince. Daddy's here now." Loki enjoyed the first precious moments he spent with Narfi, holding him close and letting him feel all his love. One thing was missing though... A thing he did with Ella as well. A thing he would make sure to catch up on later, as soon as he was alone with you and his son.

You blinked your eyes open, adjusting to the sunlight, which flooded the room. The first thing you noticed was the white ceiling above you. You tried to remember what had happened. Your memory was blurry. All you could think of was calling Loki in a panic, telling him you were in labour. You remembered his words and that you called an ambulance, just like he said. You remembered riding with them towards the hospital, but after that it became a haze. "Y/N?" A voice called suddenly out to you. "Love, are you awake?" A familiar voice. Loki. You turned your head in the direction where his voice came from; gaze landing on your husband, who sat beside your bed on a chair, shirtless, skin tinged in blue - and with a small bundle resting against his bare chest, causing your eyes to widen. Loki wore a smile, gentle ruby eyes looking at you. "Hey, my love." He whispered, reaching out his hand for you to take - which you did. "Would you like to meet our son? I think he's very eager to meet his mama." A wave of emotions and feelings over rolled you. You had given birth? How could it be that you couldn't remember? "I-I-I yes, oh gods, Loki... I-I-" "Shhhh, everything is alright." He hushed and reassured you immediately, giving your hand a squeeze, before handing Narfi over to you. You took your newborn son into your arms with shaky hands. This moment seemed so surreal, and yet it was happening right in front of your eyes. "H-Hi, my little prince." You whispered, feeling the tears pooling in your eyes. At your voice Narfi opened his eyes, his father's beautiful matching ruby eyes looking up at you. "Hi... I'm your mama." The baby just stared at you with big eyes, cuddling closer to you. You couldn't help but smile, feeling the tears fall now. A thing you immediately notice was, that - unlike Ella, Narfi stayed in his Jotun form and didn't shapeshift. Perhaps he needed a bit longer for that - which wasn't a bad thing, of course. "What happened?" You asked then. Loki was more than willing to explain everything to you, from the very start.

"How are you feeling now, love?" Your husband asked in the end, after having a long conversation with you. "Tired and exhausted, but I-I- Norns, Lokes, I'm so sorry you missed the birth... I-I should've called you earlier o-or-" "Hey, it's okay, darling." He interrupted you, leaning forward to place a lingering kiss on your forehead. "Please don't blame yourself for this. If anything, I am the one to blame, because I wasn't here earlier. But I am here now - and that is what counts." You gave him a soft, but still slightly saddened smile. "Does Ella know?" Loki nodded. "I called Jane, explained everything to her. She agreed to pick Ella up from kindergarten and to tell her." You smiled, thinking of how excited your daughter must be. "I can't wait for her to meet her baby brother." Loki chuckled, placing a big hand on Narfi's back. "Me neither. But for now, you have to rest, my love. I'm right here." He said, learning down to kiss you leisurely, before he rested his forehead against yours. "I love you so much, my queen... And my little princess and littlest prince as well. Thank you for gifting me the wonderful life I never thought I deserved."

#the baby fever au #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x female reader #loki x you #tom hiddleston x reader #loki x y/n #loki fanfiction #loki fluff #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson x female reader

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every-aj-needs-an-angel · 2 years ago

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wishing the wonderful @flowercrowngods the happiest of birthdays 🥳🫶🤍 fair warning this quickly turned from 5k to 10 🙈 i hope it's not too boring 🤞 i tried my hardest to give you the angsty fic you asked for but i don't think it's my forte 🤷‍♀️ anyway happy birthday darling i hope you're having the best day 🤍

Steve's birthday started the same as all his birthdays had for as long as he could remember now; waking alone in his big old, empty house. Not that he could say he minded. His first ten birthdays had been pretty perfect, but his eleventh birthday changed everything. The only thing he'd asked for was a birthday sleepover with Tommy and his new school friends. It was all going amazing until late into the night, he and Tommy were laid awake, Tommy was telling him about how he was nervous to kiss Carol for the first time, when somehow, in a way Steve couldn't really remember, one of them had ended up suggesting that they practice together.

They'd snuck off to the airing cupboard across the hall so their friends wouldn't see, what they hadn't considered was getting caught by Steve's parents. His mum hadn't said anything, just left quickly, leaving his dad to glare at him with that creepy polite smile he always had whenever Steve was going to get it as soon as they were alone. And he had, as soon as the house was empty, his dad yelled and yelled and yelled; about how kissing boys was unacceptable, how it was a sin, "Harrington's are family men, Steven!" A direct quote from the serial adulterer.

It went on for two whole days, and then they never spoke of it again as though it'd never happened, but Steve wasn't allowed another sleepover nor was he allowed over to any of the other boys houses; which was how by his late teens he only had Tommy and Carol left as friends, they were the only ones who truly knew what went off in his house. And his birthday's hadn't been a big deal ever again, half the time his parents hadn't bothered to even be in the country; not that it made any difference to Steve, a birthday without their presence and constant judgement was already a happier day.

His alarm clock blaring pulled him from his musings back to the present. Not that he'd really needed the alarm, he rarely slept these days; it was more like a series of naps interspersed with part memories, part overactive imagination-induced night terrors. He poked an arm out of the covers, flicking the switch on the clock, yawning and stretching; feeling the pull on his freshly healed wounds. Clambering out of bed and scratching lazily at the stubble on his jawline as he headed into the en-suite; flicking on the stereo as he passed by just for something to fill the void.

Holding Back The Years was just beginning, as it often was these days. The one nighttime DJ who'd bothered to stick around seemed to think the song said "holding back the tears, because nothing here is gone." Idiot! The moron had some whole elaborate deluded idea that the song was some kind of metaphor to do with living with the aftermath of the quake or something, repeating the same nonsense every morning like if he kept saying it his theory would become true.

Steve, however, had actually listened to the lyrics and recognised Mick (Hucknall) as a kindred spirit. He heard the pain of a child longing for parents that loved him, felt the pain for his younger self deep in his soul. He'd long since accepted that he'd never have that, that they'd had him solely for their image and let him go as soon as he didn't fit, but the song tended to just rip open the wound every time he heard it.

He turned on the shower, biting down hard on his lip to stop it quivering, testing the temperature with his hand and stepping under the spray. He knew they weren't worth being upset over, but it didn't take much to tip him over the edge these days, and he was very much hoping, as he had every morning, that this ritual he'd started would wash away the deep-seated sadness that he seemed to have stuck in his chest since the day they'd fought and lost.

In a weird way his life was better now, sure he had flesh eating creatures and an alternate universe, but he also had people who loved him, people who appreciated him and depended on him. The scars of his shitty past didn't matter any more, not in the face of actual scars, not when the monster hunting them down was still out there, not when the people he loved needed someone to protect them.

He made quick work of washing his body, still gentle around his wounds. Eddie's exquisite sewing skills had more than done the trick at the time but all the strain he'd put on his body getting the five of them out of hell had ripped new holes into his skin and made a bigger mess than the bats ever had; it was only when he collapsed in the ER that any of them had even noticed he was bleeding again, the nurses had patched him back together, but his body was still tender.

Just as he was shampooing his hair, the song changed again, only just about hearing Cyndi Lauper over the patter as he applied his conditioner. "If you're lost you can look, and you will find me, time after time", fresh tears quickly blurred his vision. Max.

They'd been told off for the fifth time about having too many people visiting at once, Wendy threatened to never let any of them step foot in the building again, and they believed her too, just as the adults who still had jobs and needed to work had finally accepted that the kids could be there to be with the wounded in case they woke up. Nancy had sighed heavily but resigned herself to the job, not that it had taken her long to set up a visiting schedule; ten minutes of leaning over bits of paper with visiting times, days people could chauffeur, work and volunteer schedules, working out who could sit with who and when and she'd had it all figured out.

They were just getting into the swing of things when El had snapped, hurling a plastic chair into the hospital wall, blood pouring from her nose, sucking in breaths like she'd just run a marathon before actually running from the room. Steve hadn't seen it happen, just heard the commotion through the wall and came running. No one had wanted to go after her; Mike, Dustin and Lucas all looking between each other like they were psychically discussing who'd drawn the short straw.

Steve didn't bother to wait to find out what they'd decided, he'd just chased after her, finding her curled up in a ball in the corner of the corridor. He hadn't known what to say at first, "are you okay?" seemed like the dumbest question ever given the state of her. Plus he'd seen the two of them together when they'd had their day trip to the mall, he knew she was far from okay. He'd just knelt down beside her and wrapped her tightly in his arms when she'd mushed her face into his chest, stroking her back and rocking her slowly.

Using his well versed technique of 'What Would Robin Do?' he asked what had happened. She just looked up at him with big sad eyes, a sob catching in her throat, her face crumpling as she'd broken down. Telling him that she couldn't find Max, that she'd been trying ever since she'd restarted Max's heart (with her mind!) but that she couldn't find her. She'd made him promise not to tell the others and as soon as he agreed, she'd promptly burst into uncontrollable sobs before he'd even had a chance to ask what that meant. All he could do was hope that Max wasn't either gone forever; or worse, stuck with One, enduring unimaginable torment.

The song had changed again as Steve switched off the water, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel securely around his waist. Switching on the tap to run a bowl of water and grabbing the shaving foam and his razor from the medicine cabinet; glancing as quickly and as efficiently as he could in the mirror, doing his best to avoid his own reflection. He knew he looked rough, he didn't need confirmation. The scars around his neck were gnarly, his eyes were bloodshot with thick black bags underneath, his hair limp and uncared for, obvious even fresh from the shower. Ugh!

He let Billy Ocean's soulful voice wash over him, focusing on making neat lines in the foam and trying his best not to nick himself. It wasn't a song he'd heard before, but he liked it, the tune was gentle, he found himself swaying slightly, waiting with the razor poised, "I always stop and think of you especially, when the words of a love song, touch the very heart of me". Huh!

He forced himself to focus on the task at hand, he was going to be late if he didn't get a move on and the less he thought about love songs making him cry, the better. The song ended, and the DJ signed off letting the commercials play. Steve headed into his bedroom, half-heartedly blow-drying his hair just enough to stop it dripping down his collar, throwing on his jeans and sweater.

Flicking off the radio, he jogged down the stairs, clicking the red flashing button on the answering machine as he passed the telephone table on the way to the kitchen to throw some bread in the toaster. The last time he'd seen Joyce, she'd made him promise that he'd eat, so he was eating, dry toast wasn't his favourite thing in the whole world, but it was nourishment.

Beep. "Dingus!" Robin whispered into the phone, causing Steve to grin, "it's one minute past twelve, so I can officially say Happy Birthday! Okay, that's all I wanted. See you later, love you." Beep.

Beep. "Steve-o! Happy Birthday! See you later, man!" Beep. That kid, Steve thought shaking his head fondly to himself.

Beep. "Happy Birthday, Steve!" El mumbled, she barely spoke these days. He felt honoured. She was quickly interrupted by Hop, "Is that Steve?" he asked, "No, just the machine," she responded followed by sounds of the receiver being passed from one person to another, "Happy Birthday, kiddo, we'll see you later, okay?" Beep.

Steve couldn't fight the lump in his throat, he tried to swallow around it, but it wasn't going anywhere. They were just… he didn't have the words. It meant so much that they'd thought of him. That Robin had snuck out of bed, had probably sat up by the phone until the clock struck midnight to make sure he knew she was thinking of him. She really was the best friend he'd ever had.

And the kids! Dustin calling was probably what had woken him. He didn't know when he'd decided on Steve-o as a nickname, but he liked it regardless, it made him feel like one of the gang instead of just the babysitter. With El, Steve wasn't sure whether it was a teenage phase or not being able to find Max, but he'd barely heard a peep out of her since her breakdown, he just hoped it wasn't the latter, so they wouldn't lose both girls to this fight.

He pressed replay, warmth filling him as he listened to Robin's message again. He missed her terribly when they weren't together, and he'd seen less and less of her recently. She'd basically been on house arrest since the "quake" and given she wasn't ready to tell her parents what she'd told Steve whilst high on truth serum, Mr and Mrs Buckley basically thought he was about to become their son-in-law.

Unfortunately, it meant he couldn't sneak over to her house to sleep any more like he had after the mall and the one time Robin had snuck out to sleep at his, her dad had been so worried he'd called the cops. Luckily, Hop had been the one to get the call, sighing heavily when he'd picked her up from the McMansion (as Steve's house had been dubbed by the kids) with a "Sorry kid, but her mom's practically hysterical. Come stay at the cabin, get a good night's rest."

For once, Steve had done as he was told. The Party was tighter than ever, but there were still the few with families who got caught on the edge's that kept the group from becoming a totally codependent pack. None of them slept well any more, not without being curled around one of the others. Robin and Dustin had it bad, unable to explain what was going on and trapped by parents who loved them too much to let them out of their sight, but Steve thought Erica had it the worst.

Lucas was out of his mind with worry over Max, her parents were holding her tighter than ever and her best friend had moved away. She couldn't use sleepovers as an excuse to escape her family's grasp like Robin and Dustin could, she was having terrible nightmares, lashing out and blaming everyone for the state of Max's health, Steve just wished she’d let it out properly before she exploded. He'd tried to get her to once, used one of Robin's new psychology tricks but got nothing out of her but some sassy comment and a glare.

His toast popping out of the toaster dragged him out of his musings, tucking the dry, warm bread into a napkin, he grabbed his keys off the hook and headed out to the car. The sun was barely in the sky, but it was already unbearably warm, he was glad to be spending the day indoors. He liked being out early, the world seemed almost peaceful before the rest of the town had a chance to get out of bed. Normally he'd drive without the radio on, just with the window rolled down, letting the breeze finish drying his hair, enjoying the sounds of the world waking up, the birds singing, the wind rustling the trees, the roar of the beemers engine, but that damn song had turned into an earworm, just that little bit of melody and "saying I love you, I love you" whizzing around and around his head.

He sighed and flicked the radio on, the funky beat of Kiss making his head bounce, only being able to resist for a second before he was smacking the steering wheel in time with the beat. Steve couldn't think about much else with Prince singing in his ears, the sun beating down on his arm that dangled out of the open window, warming him as he bopped along. "I want to be your fantasy, maybe you could be mine. You just leave it all up to me, we could have a good time!" Steve hollered along, catching the attention of old Mr Baker, who was bent down collecting his paper as he sped by. He smirked at the old man's face as he caught him grumbling in the rearview mirror, making Steve chuckle.

The song was just ending as he pulled into the parking lot, it was always blissfully empty this early, just the cars of the staff and the overnight visitors. He threw the car into park as Let's Hear It For The Boy started, he contemplated sitting in the car just to listen, but he knew the song well enough, and he was edging ever closer to being late. Steve found he almost had a spring in his step as he switched off the engine and clambered out of the car, being careful as he crossed the road, the peppy tune well and truly stuck in his head.

He waved to Edna at the front desk as he headed for the stairs (no way was he getting in a lift ever again, not after the last time) hearing Deniece Williams clearly in his mind as he turned the corner and all but hopped up the staircase, muttering "Maybe he's no Romeo, but he's my love and one man show, oh oh oh oh, let's hear it for the boy!" pausing on the step to wiggle along to the music in his head. One of the nurse's smirked at him as she skipped down the stairs, passing him with a giggle. Not that he minded he'd been reliably informed he was a good dancer, it did make him wonder if maybe he was finally losing it though, taking the rest of the steps two at a time, shaking his head trying to clear it. This is a hospital, for god's sake! What’s wrong with you?

Drifting quickly down the corridor, Steve gave a quick nod to Nurse Wendy, she was one of Owens’ and seemed to find the hospital environment rather alien, she didn't appreciate anything other than cordiality and silence while she worked. Sliding open the door, Steve found Wayne sitting as he always was in an uncomfortable plastic chair by Eddie's bedside; chatting aimlessly to his nephew and yawning every few words.

He, Dustin and Steve had become close over the past few weeks, each taking turns to keep Eddie company. Wayne hadn’t wanted Steve anywhere near his nephew at first, not that Steve had been surprised by his reaction, hurt maybe but unsurprised. Wayne had relented when Dustin had regaled him with Steve’s “heroism” but Robin had been the one to convince Wayne that Steve was their friend, that he wasn't the dickhead jock who'd stood by and done nothing as Tommy had made Eddie's life hell; and that he was certainly nothing like the elder Harrington. Wayne had relented quickly, had warmed to Steve faster than he'd ever dared to hope, now he thought Wayne might even like him, just a little bit, even if it was because as Wayne put it, "well, at least you've got better taste in sports than you had in friends".

"G'Mornin'" Steve greeted, once Wayne finished with his tale. His stories were amazing, at first he’d started with just random tales but eventually when they realised it was going to take longer than any of them hoped for Eddie to wake, he’d started as far back as he could remember and was just slowly retelling his whole life story. Steve thought he should write a book, his life was fascinating and the more he listened, the more it was obvious where Eddie had got his storytelling abilities.

"Mornin'" Wayne returned, stretching his back before standing with a creak and a groan.

"No change?" Steve asked, looking over to Eddie's pale, sleeping form.

"No change," Wayne confirmed with a sigh.

Steve hummed, just watching Eddie for a second, hoping for a twitch, a flicker, anything really. Just any sign of life that he'd been praying for since cracked ribs and a ten minute repeat of “one and two and three” and screams to “drive faster!” Eddie didn't move, not more than the slow rise and fall of his gentle breathing that hadn't changed since he got out of surgery; Wayne did though, patting Steve on the shoulder as he passed by him with a quiet "G'night, son," successfully snapping Steve back into the moment.

He turned quickly to catch Wayne on his way out, a fragile smile on his face and a lump forming in his throat, "Night, Wayne. Drive safe," Steve pleaded quietly. Wayne was as much one of them as Eddie was now, and the last thing any of them needed was more heartache. Wayne nodded with a slight smile, closing the door with a quiet snick, the noise kicking Steve into action; he rounded the bed picking up the tattered copy of The Hobbit off the bedside table and landing heavily in the still warm chair and flipping the book open in his lap.

Wayne might be a natural storyteller but not Steve, his childhood stories were either sad or stupid, but none of that mattered because here in this little cold side room all Steve could think was a repeat of please wake up.

He was taking his first shift of watching over Eddie when he'd first spotted the book sticking out the top of the bag Wayne had brought for Eddie when he’d heard he was in the hospital. Honestly, Steve thought it looked like more of a go bag; Max’s bag was full of pyjamas and a dressing gown and slippers, a soft toy or two and some of her comics. Eddie’s bag was full of clothes, at least four pairs of jeans, a couple hoodies, a winter coat, underwear and cassettes. And the book, of course.

Steve wasn't much of a reader, he’d always hated assignments at school where reading an actual book was necessary, but he couldn't stand the silence, and he couldn't think of anything to say and Owens had said the best thing they could do was keep talking to him so he'd started to read. He was rubbish at it, stumbling every few words and making humming sounds every time he came across a word he didn't know or couldn't pronounce, but it filled the silence and given how dog-eared the pages were it was obviously a favourite of Eddie's, so he could only hope it was bringing him some comfort, wherever he was.

"Good morning, Edwin. How're you feeling, hmm? Comfy? It's a lovely day today, blue skies and green leaves, it's gonna be a warm one. It's my birthday, you know? Robin left a nice message, and the kids too. I wonder if I'll get a cake? I've never had a birthday with real friends before! I don't really know what to expect, but you've had your little club for a long time, you'd know, maybe you could wake up and tell me, hm? That'd be nice. No pressure though. How about we read some more? I quite like this book. I've never really had a favourite book, not since I grew out of the Mr Men ones anyway, but this one's good. Let's see where were we?"

Steve got as comfortable as he could on the crappy hospital furniture, flipped to the page he'd marked with a cafeteria napkin and began to read, letting the words flow over him and paint a picture of a group of disparates on an adventure together. He thought they were sort've like The Party, none of them really fit together either, not on paper anyway, but somehow it just worked; they, too, each had their own strengths vital for their collective survival.

It saddened him in a way to think that if none of the Upside Down stuff had happened, that he wouldn't have any of this. As fucked up as this was right now, with Eddie and Max still unconscious; to not be called Dingus, or son, or Steve-o, that’s just not a life he’d want. Nor would he want a life without a platonic soulmate or a whole gaggle of little siblings. Without two mums and two dads, none of whom were biological, but parents in all the ways his never were. Without three older siblings in Argyle and Jon and Nancy because it wasn't half as weird as they all expected it to be; because none of them were those people any more. Those stupid teenagers were long dead, the shit they’d been through together far stronger than any hormonal teenage dickheadery.

He especially wouldn't want to be without an idiot who doesn't listen when Steve says don't be a hero because he also loves Dustin; because down to a choice of himself or their little brother he would always put himself in the firing line and as much as Steve had raged that Eddie was a dumbass, as soon as Robin had twisted it around, Steve hadn't been able to honestly say that he wouldn't have done exactly the same thing.

That didn't mean he didn't wish he could trade places with Eddie, didn't mean he didn't wish they'd had more time to get to know each other, didn't mean he didn't spend every spare second thinking about that walk to the Wheeler's, didn't mean he couldn't stop wishing Eddie would wake up, didn't mean he didn't hope for something more he could do to drag Eddie back into consciousness, just to hear his voice one more time, didn't mean he didn't wish he'd stayed with the boys, didn't mean he didn't yearn to know what Eddie had meant to say in that pause before he'd said "Make him pay!"

Steve realised he'd stopped reading, flicked over the page and picked up where Bilbo was imagining summer in his home, the same type of summer that was streaming through the hospital window, bathing Eddie’s sickly form in warm light. Steve hoped that wherever Eddie was, that he was somewhere happy, maybe he was berry picking with his uncle or playing with his band, maybe he was rough housing with Dustin while Steve and Robin watched on.

He hadn't dared to ask El if she could find him, he couldn't bear to think they were both stuck somewhere unreachable, he wasn't sure his heart couldn't take it.

He swiped roughly at his damp cheeks, swallowing hard, wiping the pages dry and smiling waterily at the group finding shelter and finally relaxing, creating smoke rings and thinking of Eddie doing the same thing at the last party they'd both been at. All the girls had gone wild and Steve chuckled to himself, knowing now that this book full of mythical creatures was where Eddie had probably got the inspiration, knowing how many hours Eddie must've taken to perfect his technique, knowing the girls who'd oohed and ahhed, knowing that most of them had never read a book in their lives, it was just funny.

That was until it all went to shit for the allies; Steve read faster and faster, hoping that they'd make it safely out of the tunnels, thinking of the tunnels he'd fought in with the kids, remembering that moment he'd thought he and Dustin were toast, still able to feel the Demodogs racing by them. Then Bilbo was falling, and suddenly he was as unconscious as the boy in front of him.

Steve sighed and shifted, leaning the book against Eddie's too still leg, he never thought he'd miss someone's nervous energy but even when Eddie had been still and quiet his leg would still always bounce, or his fingers would drum, it used to drive him crazy back in school, he used to wish the other boy would just sit still, mainly because he was struggling to concentrate, and the constant movement was a distraction, but now he longed for some form of movement, anything to add to the consistent rise and fall.

Steve would usually keep the book up in front of his face so that lack of anything wasn't quite so obvious, but his back was aching and begging to be stretched, so Steve leaned his elbows on the bed either side of the book, propping his head up in his hands, trying to read the words faster in some bizarre hope that if Bilbo survived the pitch black alone that Eddie might too. The Gollum creature just was creepy, with the hissing and the glowing eyes and calling himself precious, it didn’t endear itself to Steve when Bilbo started a back and forth of riddles with it, the narrator commenting that because the reader was comfortable that the answers were somehow obvious.

“Not obvious to everyone,” Steve muttered mainly to himself, “I bet you knew these the first time you read them though, didn’t you Eds?" he asked just for something to say while he found his place again.

"No," muttered so softly and raspily it was almost inaudible, Steve's head snapping up to look at Eddie's face.

"Eddie? Did you speak, or have I finally lost it?" Steve asked disbelievingly. Eddie didn't speak again, but the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, puffing out a breath that could've been a laugh, immediately sucking one in through his teeth, hissing in pain.

"Wendy!" Steve screamed, jumping up and slamming the red button on the wall, only realising as he did that he'd wrenched his fingers from Eddie's grasp. Leaning his elbow by the side of Eddie's pillow, Steve peered down at him, placing his hand back into Eddie's, "Can you hear me, Eds?" he asked gently. Eddie made a rumbling sound followed by a quivering lip and a whine. "No, no. Don't try to talk, man. Can you squeeze my hand?" Steve asked, running his fingers carefully through Eddie's now sweaty hair, brushing it away from his face and neck. Eddie squeezed his fingers hard, choking a laugh out of Steve as his throat tightened, only realising he was crying when a tear splashed down onto Eddie's cheek, an intense feeling of relief and joy sweeping over him.

Steve had just enough time to wipe the moisture from Eddie's cheek before all hell let loose, nurses and doctors bustling in, Wendy gently removing Steve from Eddie's bedside but not from the room. His mind was racing, unable to really grasp onto anything, just watching detachedly as the professionals adjusted wires and tubes pressing buttons on machines, taking liquids from bottles with syringes and all Steve could think was that he was glad Wayne wasn't there to witness the chaos.

And all of a sudden, it hit Steve like a freight train. Wayne. He needed to know, but Steve was terrified that if he left the room that he'd wake up back in his bed, that Eddie wouldn’t have woken and that they’d be back stuck in the limbo that he might never wake. Steve glanced at the clock, knowing by the time that Dustin and Lucas should be next door watching over Max; it was unusual that they hadn’t come to check on Eddie, but if there had been traffic they just might not have had time.

"Dustin!" Steve yelled through the wall, one of the nurse's turning to snarl at him with a tut, obviously for being loud, but Steve couldn't have given less of a fuck, he just pulled a face at her behind her back when she turned back to Eddie.

Dustin slammed into the room in less than a few seconds, clocking the chaos around Eddie and looking to Steve with wide, frightened eyes.

"He's awake, call Wayne," Steve instructed, Dustin didn't argue, didn’t fight the grin splitting his face either, "The plant or yours?" is all he asked. Steve was so grateful for this kid, glad in that moment that his little brother was a fucking genius. "Mine," Steve didn't even have time to finish the word before Dustin was gone from the door frame.

There was a bit more hustling around the bed before slowly but surely the nurses and doctors started to file back out, leaving Owens and a once again unconscious Eddie.

"What did you do?" Steve raged, his voice so low and hard it was hardly recognisable even to his own ears. Owens at least had the good sense to approach slowly, hands up and placating, except Steve couldn't hear him over the blood rushing in his ears, panic and fury blurring his senses.

"...ve, Steve, Steven!"

His eyes snap from Eddie's form where he'd been desperately watching Eddie's chest rise and fall, to Owens, who swallowed visibly and took a step backwards.

"We didn't do anything, Steve. I know he's been asleep for a long time, but it's going to take a while for him to get used to being awake again. He's just resting right now; healing like he's supposed to. Now he's regained consciousness, his chances are much better. We're not out the woods yet, but we're a step closer, okay? I'll check in again later, alright?" Owens said calmly as he backed out of the room, leaving Steve alone to nod to himself.

Steve didn’t know how long he stood there nodding to himself, the next thing he acknowledged was Dustin crashing back into the room, all but ready to throw himself at Eddie. Steve quickly stepped between them, blocking Dustin’s path. He parroted everything Owens told him and only allowed himself a breath when Dustin grinned toothily. And Steve, even though he couldn't quite believe what just happened, couldn't help but grin back.

"What a birthday present, huh?" Dustin teased, as he headed out the door back to Max's room.

Steve's hands landed automatically on his hips, yelling after him to shut up, even though he could hear Dustin cackling and feel his own cheeks burning, fucking smartass.

He sighed, mentally arguing with the kid, desperately trying to come up with a response for next time, when Wayne came dashing in; Steve suddenly felt guilty for disturbing him, but he had promised he'd call if Eddie even so much as twitched. He repeated to Wayne what had happened in as much detail as he could remember, Wayne's smile growing and growing until it looked like his face might split in two, he grabbed Steve around the head and kissed him firmly on the forehead with a relieved “Thank you.” Steve’s brain shorted out when Wayne pulled him into a hug, all he could do was blink owlishly at the wall until his brain kicked in, and he wrapped his arms around Wayne purely on instinct, Wayne squeezing him tight before letting him go.

He insisted on staying, much to Steve's dismay given the poor man had already been up all night and that he couldn't have had more than a few hours sleep, but he just waved Steve off, merely reiterating that he can sleep anywhere, that he'd been in the army, snd that he didn't need a cushty bed.

Wayne had only caved about staying at the McMansion after the third or fourth day in that godawful chair, and then he had bemoaned that beds that comfortable should be illegal, that he'd been spoiled for life; Steve had just mentally renamed the spare room "Wayne's room", he knew Owens was sorting them some new accommodation, but he was kind of hoping he and Eddie would choose to stay.

The house had never felt emptier since his parents phone call, they hadn't even tried to get a hold of him really, they'd just left a message saying that they'd heard about the quake, requesting he give them a call to let them know if there'd been any damage to the property, so they could claim on the insurance. Steve had nearly thrown the answering machine at the wall. Robin had just sighed, told him she didn't know why he continued to let them disappoint him when he had all the family he'd ever need. He knew she was right, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. He hadn't bothered to call them back, and he hadn't heard from them since.

Wayne went down to the phones to call in sick then folded himself into the bedside chair, the one that was technically meant for patients, not that any of them had dared to use it for fear that they’d get too comfortable and nod off and miss out on any changes, but Wayne trusted Steve to wake him, he just wanted to be here to see his nephew. Steve couldn't blame him.

He gently placed his plastic chair back next to the bed, he hadn't realised he'd flung it across the room when he'd jumped up earlier. Both Munson's were sleeping peacefully and although a little piece of Steve's soul had settled, he still felt jittery in the almost silence. He grabbed the book back from the night stand, unsure as to how it'd ended up there, flicking through the pages trying to see where he'd last got to.

He propped the book back against Eddie's thigh, tucking his feet under his chair and resting his elbows on the edge of the bed. Originally, he started off reading to himself, not wanting to disturb either of them. He found he could actually read quite quickly to himself, and got through a whole chunk of the story just muttering commentary on the story to himself. But eventually, his eyes started to get tired, and he just started mumbling along with the story, trying desperately to stay awake.

"How the fuck are you supposed to say that? Eye-ry, ear-ry, err-ry, I don't fucking know, I'm not entirely sure what that's even supposed to be," Steve muttered with a sigh.

"It's their nest," Eddie whispered, rasping and hoarse, tightening his grip on Steve's fingers, where he'd once again been absentmindedly stroking up and down Eddie's hand while he read.

Steve sat up straighter, so he could reach the glass of water with a straw that'd been left on the table, pressing the straw gently against Eddie's lips, "Hey, you," he said softly, "only sips, Eds, or you'll make yourself sick," he murmured putting the glass back on the side when Eddie let go of the straw.

"Thanks, man," Eddie murmured and sighed, sinking back into the pillow. Steve turned to give Wayne a nudge when Eddie squeezed his hand hard, "Don't," he pleaded. Steve hesitated but found he couldn't deny Eddie anything and was rewarded with a soft smile when Steve turned back to him, "He okay?" he asked.

Nodding, Steve ran his thumb over the back of Eddie's hand, "Yeah, we're taking good care of him," he promised.

Eddie hummed, tried to smile again, but it was obvious how much effort it was taking, "'nd Dust'n?" he mumbled, eyes drifting closed.

Steve couldn't help smiling to himself, "Next door, watching over Max."

Eddie's eyes sprung open, "Not Red?" he whined, big brown eyes sadder than Steve had ever seen them.

"'fraid so. She'll be okay though, she's a fighter like you!" Steve muttered, determination lacing his tone because he believed you had to believe something wholeheartedly if you wanted it to go your way.

Eddie let out a little sceptical huff, eyes already closed and breaths evening out. Steve was just about to go back to reading quietly when Eddie made a little incoherent noise. "Hm? You need something, Eds?" Steve asked quietly, standing to lean over him, brushing his hair away from his face where it'd got stuck to his cheek when he'd turned to look at Wayne.

"'m sorry," Eddie murmured, trying to open his eyes, Steve just huffed out a humourless laugh, sitting back down.

"Nah, man, got nothing to be sorry for," he muttered, swallowing around the lump in his throat, "Go back to sleep," he whispered, stroking the back of Eddie's hand rhythmically. Eddie listened this time, whether through choice or sheer exhaustion, Steve didn't know, he was just glad Eddie was resting.

Steve took a deep breath, scrubbing his spare hand over his face, he didn't know what was wrong with him today. Eddie was fine, he was on the mend, there was no reason to be upset, yet he couldn't stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. He wasn't sad exactly, it all just felt like too much, all the previous weeks of worry, the lack of sleep, the constant stress of it all going to hell again before they even had chance to recover. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder, Dustin tended to pop in at lunchtime to give Steve a chance to get some lunch and stretch his legs. But being met with those big concerned eyes just tipped the scales in the wrong direction, he grabbed Dustin round the middle and pulled him into his arms.

"What's wrong?" Dustin whispered, rubbing Steve's back soothingly, which just made him feel all the more guilty because he was supposed to be the strong one for the kids, not the other way around.

"Nothing," Steve murmured, sucking in a deep breath and coughing around the lump in his throat, pushing the feelings as far down as he could, letting Dustin go with a pat on his shoulder, "Nothing, I'm fine, everything's fine," he lied.

Dustin obviously saw through it but didn't push him, just demanded a Coke from the cafeteria as Steve got up and headed for the door, making him laugh. Steve loved him so much, especially when he was a little shit.

Heading straight to the bathroom, Steve splashed cold water on his face, leaning on the sink and looking at himself in the mirror. It'd been years since he looked this rough, his hair floppy and dry as hell, black and bloodshot eyes from the lack of sleep, even his skin wasn't quite the colour it was supposed to be but eating dry toast in your car and crappy hospital sandwiches will do that, he supposed.

He sighed heavily, pushing off the sink, he headed to the cafeteria, grabbing lunch for the four of them and Dustin's Coke, picking up a Diet one too just to annoy him with, in the hopes his moaning and whinging would buoy him for the rest of the day.

Steve bobbed in to eat lunch with Lucas and spend some time with him and Max like he always did, before heading back to relieve Dustin. Lucas barely wanted to talk these days, just wanted to continue to read to Max in the hopes that she could hear them.

Knowing what El had told him just made him feel guilty, but he’d promised he wouldn't say anything and given there wasn't anything else he could do for her, in the very least it was making Lucas feel useful. If anything Steve thought he sounded a little more annoyed than usual today, but he didn't dare to ask, he just put it down to the fact that Eddie had come back while Max was still lost.

Wayne was awake and chatting with Dustin and Eddie when Steve got back. They all looked tired, but they were smiling, even if they did have tear tracks down their faces. Steve didn't say anything, just squeezed Eddie's foot as he passed by him handing Wayne and Dustin their lunch, who as suspected kicked off about his drink giving them all something to giggle about until he pulled out the red can, the petulant look on Dustin’s face making the three adults in the room laugh harder.

Eddie soon fell back asleep, then after they’d eaten Dustin went back to Max and Wayne decided he was going to find some decent coffee, which was code for he was going for a smoke. Steve sighed as everything settled down again, back to the normal they'd settled into over the past few weeks, except he felt free now to get comfortable in his chair resting his head on his folded arms on the side of the bed. He told himself he wasn't sleeping, just resting his eyes, but Robin made him jump when she came bounding into the room.

"Happy Birthday, Dingus!" she yelled, waking both him and Eddie with a start.

"Jesus, Bobs, shh," Steve chastised, trying to soothe Eddie back to sleep by rubbing his thumb across his knuckles where their hands had yet again ended up connected.

"Sorry," she muttered, not sounding sorry in the slightest. It'd been her way of trying to wake Eddie and Max, blasting into their rooms all loud and full of energy, like a kids entertainer at a birthday party.

"Mornin' Edwin, done sleeping?" she teased, waggling his toes, Steve knew she wanted to hug him, but Eddie's legs were the only place he hadn't been bitten, and she didn't want to hurt him like she had Steve when they'd finally got Eddie to the hospital, and she'd all but thrown herself at him; he'd hissed involuntarily, and she'd cried for an hour even though the pain had gone before she'd even had chance to let go.

"Stop tiring him out, he's supposed to be resting," Steve grouched, reluctantly letting go of Eddie, standing up to grab another plastic chair for her to sit beside him at Eddie's bedside.

She tutted and rolled her eyes dramatically before all but flopping into the hard chair, making Steve wince on her behalf. Now he'd sat back in his chair he didn't know what to do with his arms, it felt weird to reach across and take Eddie's hand, folding them over his chest felt too confrontational, letting them flop by his sides felt weird, finally settling on placing them in his lap.

Robin was just watching him amusedly, "So, having a good birthday?" she asked with a smirk. All he could do was narrow his eyes at her, Wayne was back and watching them knowingly, trying not to smile.

Steve looked between the two of them before shrugging as nonchalantly as he could manage, "Better than last year," he answered not half as blasé as he would've liked, it wasn't exactly a lie given anything would've been better than last year when everyone had forgotten.

Robin just hummed thoughtfully, leaving them in uncomfortable silence. She'd been a nightmare since she’d started reading psychology books; she was worried about their collective mental health and wanted to have constructive ways to help, but it seemed to Steve that she was just using everything she was learning to torture him.

"How's your mom and dad?" Steve asked, trying to deflect onto a new topic.

"They're good," she replied, letting the silence linger, glancing at Wayne with a playful smile.

The silence was deafening, it made him want to babble endlessly and at the same time say nothing at all, just out of sheer stubbornness.

Luckily, he was saved from their torture by Mike, El and Will, the three of them came in every day to check on Eddie before going to see Max; which Steve thought was sweet given Mike was the only one who actually knew Eddie. He just knew Eddie was going to adore Will, they were like peas in a pod, and he couldn't wait for them to meet properly.

"Dustin said he woke up," Mike said as though that was his excuse for being there, not that it was something as wild as him caring whether Eddie lived or not.

"'m here, y'know," Eddie grumbled, making Mike's whole face light up.

"Eddie!" Mike cheered, heading towards him for a hug.

"Careful!" Steve yelled automatically, Mike pausing mid-step to glare at him.

"I know!" he snapped, carefully placing his hands either side of Eddie's shoulders and leaning gently into him.

"How're you, man?" Mike enquired, purposefully ignoring everyone else in the room, while Steve purposefully ignored Wayne and Robin's knowing gaze.

"Not dead!" Eddie teased, finally prying his eyes open, looking behind Mike at Will and El who waved warmly. "Hi," Eddie croaked, Mike grabbed the drink off the bedside and placed the straw against Eddie's lips.

"This is El and Will, y’know? The ones I told you about," Mike reminded him, focusing on the water leaving the glass.

Eddie just hummed, releasing the straw, doing his best to smile at the newcomers, his eyelids drooping.

Steve had already had enough, Eddie was supposed to be sleeping so he could heal, "Alright, you three, he needs his rest. Visiting's over. Out! Go harass Dustin!" Steve demanded, standing to physically shoo them out the door while Robin and Wayne giggled.

"Don't make me throw you out, too, Buckley!" he threatened, pointing at her with a hand on his hip as the door slid shut behind the kids.

She lifted her hands placatingly, with a delighted smirk, "Here, sit. I've brought your gift," she announced, gesturing to his chair.

Steve couldn't help the endeared smile splitting his face; he hadn't had a birthday present in a long time, his parents just added money to his account, he had no other family, and he hadn't got one from a friend since Tommy.

Robin reached into her bag and pulled out a rectangular box wrapped in blue paper, "It's not much, and I know nothing could top waking from a coma," she muttered rolling her eyes playfully in Eddie's direction, "but I hope you like it," she added with a soft smile.

Steve felt his lip quiver again, biting on it hard enough he tasted iron. He didn't care what was in the box, well he cared, he just didn't mind if the box was the present, he already had the best friend in the whole world, what else could he want. He smiled gratefully at her, hoping she could see without him needing to say it, before tearing off the blue wrapping and lifting the lid.

As soon as he saw what was in the box, tears started to fill his eyes, blurring his vision, no amount of self-control would be able to stop the wave of gratitude for the girl in front of him.

"Sorry it's a bit homemade," she mumbled as he continued to stare at his gift. All Steve could do was shake his head, a smile on his face even as tears poured down his face, tugging her into an awkward hug over the box.

"It's the best," he whispered, releasing her to stare down in awe at his present again. It was a picture frame, but inside was all bits of their friendship; a few Polaroids of the two of them, a napkin from Scoops, their name badges sitting side by side in the middle, tickets from the Star Wars movie they went to see together, quotes from songs they loved written on Family Video receipts, the dried flowers of the daisy chain he'd made her while they were hanging out in her garden, the matching friendship bracelets they'd bought from that street artist when they'd gone to Indy last year and immediately lost, newspaper clippings of a game they'd both played at, a little picture of Kermit the frog. 'The Band Geek And The Jock' written across the top of the frame in bubble writing, and 'Platonic With A Capital P' written across the bottom.

He felt the sob hiccup out of his chest, too overwhelmed to do anything to stop it. Knowing it was the most thoughtful gift he'd ever received, he wondered how he was even supposed to begin to thank her.

Looking up at his little miracle, he saw her watching him with sad concerned eyes, "You can just say if you think it's awful," she joked, making a tearful laugh burst out of him.

Shaking his head, he swallowed hard, "It's wonderful. You're wonderful. How'd I get so lucky, huh?" he asked rhetorically pulling her into another hug, "Thank you," he murmured, hugging her tighter, wanting to snuggle into her neck but not wanting to get snot on her top or in her hair, he let her go.

Eddie whined, demanding their attention. He was awake, watching him and Robin with the softest fond expression, opening and closing his hand like Holly used to when she wanted something. Steve automatically placed his hand in Eddie's causing a choked little sound to come out of the three of them, only for him to realise that Eddie probably wanted to see the frame, his cheeks flushed crimson and just as he was about to let go, both Robin and Wayne put a supportive hand on either of his shoulders, starting up a conversation between themselves about the latest conspiracy theory to be printed in the local paper.

Steve stayed perfectly still, afraid of breaking the moment. He'd never felt safer, more loved or supported as he did right then, than he had in his entire life, and it was almost bizarre how these three random people he'd barely known a year ago could give that to him so easily. Eddie squeezed his hand gently, blinking owlishly with a soft smile. Steve gently lifted his present onto Eddie's stomach, so he could see it, he tried to lift his other hand up to touch the frame, but it was proving too much, drifting off again with his dimples on display and a gentle hum.

Taking the gift back and placing it carefully back into the box to keep it safe, placing it on the bedside with The Hobbit knowing he wouldn't miss it there when he headed home later. Robin was still deep in conversation with Wayne, telling him about her grandma's worries about their safety after the "quake", Steve already knew that she wanted them to move away, Robin had called him in a panic when she'd heard her parents discussing whether they should.

He caught Robin's eye and gestured to the door, slipping out when she smiled and nodded in acknowledgement. Slipping the door shut behind him, Steve hurried towards the bathroom, he just needed a minute, but a familiar curly head of hair was already pushing open the door. Turning on his heel, his sneakers squeaking on the linoleum floor, he headed toward the exit only to bump into Wendy giving Sam an update on Max. The breath was coming shorter and shorter in his chest as he blindly opened the nearest door stepping inside and slamming it shut behind him; sliding down the painted wood to the cold floor, knocking his knee on a bucket because by some streak of luck, Steve found himself in the janitor's closet.

It was all just too much and the thing was none of it was bad, everything was so, so good, the nicest present he'd ever had, Eddie waking up after what felt like forever, the love and support of the people he now classed as family. He had no idea why it felt like there was an elephant sitting on his chest or like he'd had a rock semi-permanently lodged in his throat since he'd woken up. It just hadn't really felt real until now, the few nice dreams he had had been of Eddie waking up or him never getting hurt in the first place, of waking curled around each other, of Eddie smiling at him the way he had in the RV, the way he had on their walk to the Wheeler's house, the way he used to in the cafeteria.

And he hadn't really needed to deal with the feelings those dreams had brought up until he'd put his hand in Eddie's, and they'd all made that okay. With Eddie, it'd be possible to blame the drugs he's being pumped with to keep him comfortable, but Steve knew that Wayne knew his nephew, knew that he knew what others had only suspected for as long as he could remember. And he knew Robin knew him, as well, if not better than he knew himself sometimes. Hell, even Nancy had suspected when he'd offered to be by Eddie's bedside whenever he was needed; she'd just looked at him the same way she looked at any puzzle and then had pencilled him into every gap without question and with an accepting smile.

Hugging his knees to his chest, he focused on righting his breathing, taking slow purposeful breaths, wiping his face and focusing on the objects around him until he felt he could breathe again. He'd spent so long pretending, so long trying to be someone he wasn't, trying to be the perfect Harrington that dealing with feelings when they arose and the shame he felt in feeling them in front of others was hard but when his breathing settled, it was like he could breathe easier than he had in a long time, despite the chemical stench inside the cupboard.

Climbing slowly to his feet he crept out of the small space and headed to the bathroom to wash his face, splashing cold water onto his cheeks felt nice, and somehow his reflection felt easier to deal with than it had this morning, sure he still had scars and dark circles, his hair was still horrendous, and his cheeks were puffy but for once looking at himself in the eye felt less like a lie.

Once he was calm and dry, Steve wanted to check in with Sam, the guy had been a group favourite since he'd come charging into the hospital demanding to see his daughter and he seemed to like all of them too, appreciated that his little girl hadn't been left alone for a single second. He'd been wary of Steve at first, he thought it was weird that an older male was hanging around a bunch of kids, sitting with his baby, but the other parents seemed to have got through to him in a way the kids hadn't been able to that Steve was their babysitter, that they trusted him with their kids lives.

Hop and Joyce had been the ones to really affix in Sam's mind that Steve wasn't a threat, and the two of them advocating for him after all they'd been through over the years, felt amazing, he finally felt like one of the group once Joyce had wrapped her arms around him, thanking him for all he'd done; for keeping them safe, for walking into battle when he didn't have to. Hop had just put a hand on his shoulder and asked "Y'okay kiddo?" letting Steve fall into his chest with the relief that he wasn't dead, that finally the grown-ups were there, because as much as he had spent his youth wanting to be older, wanting to be away from his parents, so he could do whatever he wanted, it felt like a relief that a real adult would be in charge from now on.

He knocked and entered when Sam shouted for him to come in, smiling a small smile at Steve and carrying on with the book he was reading aloud as Steve sat on the plastic chair next to him. "How's she doing?" he asked when Sam finished the chapter and closed the book; Wendy always gave more info to the grown-ups than she ever did to the kids.

"The same," Sam sighed, stretching out the muscles in his back from being hunched over the book, "Happy Birthday," he added with a genuine smile, "Dustin wouldn't shut up about it. Lucas looked 'bout ready to kick his ass!" he told Steve with a laugh.

"Thanks," Steve murmured, he hadn't come in to talk about him, but maybe Sam just needed to think about anything else for five minutes.

He told Sam about the gift Robin had given him, Sam smiled wistfully, "Susan used to make me things like that," he muttered fondly.

For once, he didn't have it in him to correct Sam's assumption, just asked "Oh, yeah?" Let Sam tell him stories of his and Susan's courtship, of their happier years together, if nothing else Steve hoped Max could hear them, thought it might please her to know that her parents were happy once, that they had loved each other and her.

It was a while before Robin poked her head around the door with a "err, Steve?" her smile a little uncertain even as she waved at Sam, who jostled Steve playfully and waved them off with a small smile picking up his book and continuing to read to Max.

"What was that about?" Robin asked bemusedly.

"Eh, nothing. What's up?" Steve asked tiredly, it'd been a long day and as much as he hated to leave, he was about ready to curl up in bed.

"Nothing, Eds was just asking for you," she murmured, turning into Eddie's room, letting Steve follow lazily to find…

"SURPRISE!" everyone cheered, and by everyone Steve meant everyone, he was honestly surprised that they all fit into one room. Wendy was going to lose her shit.

"C'mon Dingus," Robin sighed, dragging him further into the room, "This is your party, no use standing in the doorway!" she chastised playfully leaving him at the foot of Eddie's bed where he was looking a hell of a lot more awake and had a sheet cake laid out across his shins because godforbid they used the table like normal people.

Dustin was finishing lighting the candles with Wayne's lighter, then made little conductor hands at the group, who all jumped into a chorus of 'Happy Birthday'.

Steve didn't know what to do with himself, he just stood there awkwardly, smiling gratefully at every person in the room. They were all there, the Wheelers and little Holly, the Sinclairs, Claudia, Hop and Joyce, Argyle and Jon and Nancy, the kids all smiling at him encouragingly, dare he say it lovingly.

He hadn't been sung to since he was a boy, he couldn't help feeling emotional, a tear escaping down the side of his face when Dustin and Erica wrapped an arm each around his middle, another tear splashing down into Dustin's curls as he looked down at them both wrapping his arms around their shoulders. The singing eventually stopped and Wayne muttered that maybe he should "blow out the candles, before there's more wax than frosting" making them all chuckle.

He released the kids and bent over the foot of the bed to do as he was asked when Robin yelled, "Don't forget to make a wish!'

A wish?! Looking around the room, at friends and family gathered for his birthday, at the pile of presents sitting in the corner of the room, at Robin's gift and the tattered old book and Eddie's tired but smiling face. There was only one thing missing from this picture, something he could only wish would be different in the next year.

Some wishes in life you know will come true, like putting your hand in someone else's and them tightening their grip, like going to hug your best friend when you're snotty and disgusting and them hugging you back, like a kiss on the forehead or a hand on your shoulder, like Hop's was as Steve looked bewilderedly around the room, warm and protective.

Some wishes though you had to hope for with your whole chest, some wishes were just that, but as he looked at El and Lucas he knew he wasn't the only one wishing with his whole heart as he took a deep breath extinguishing all the tiny flames to a round of applause.

Nothing could make his birthday more perfect than having his little sister by his side again, but this right here, with sleepy eyes and sibling support and more loving parents than any kid could ever dream of, with his soulmate who he has no doubt orchestrated this whole event in a hospital room, this was as close as they could get to perfect for now.

#happy birthday my love #please take ten thousand of my silly little words as a token of my appreciation #i tried for angst but i think i just made steve cry a lot 😂#i'm so sorry about my grammar i know it sucks #steve harrington #the party #eddie munson #wayne munson #robin buckley #pre steddie #sorta idk #steddie #maybe #steddie-ish #i guess #platonic stobin #aj writes

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fish-wifey · 1 month ago

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ran my half marathon that I'd planned for this month 🥹🥹 time of 2:20:14 is a result I'm proud with, all conditions considered.

Long ass recap. no one has to read it or respond, but just in case someone is interested 😙

first of all: I did this weeks after my original plan. the Gaziantep race was on December 1st, but the online register didn't work. their "customer service" didn't help me one bit. I got sick at the end of November, so I figured I'll run it by myself as usual.

I knew I'd get my period today. But I ran the full mara on a period too and we balled.

Prepwise: I had pasta bolognese for lunch yesterday and it would be my lunch after the run too. For breakfast I had usual slices with nutella on one, peanut butter on the other, and some white cheese with honey.

In my running vest I had 2x 500ml water bottles (still finishing off the left overs), and a few sour patch candies!! It was so nice to eat on the run ahahah 😆 a banana with me just in case but didn't need it.

My mom tried to talk me out of running. It was dark and wet, but I told her it would be raining all week. The only cloudy/no rain day was Christmas day, and I'm cooking so it was just a no 😆

Did my stretch while it was dry, then went out !!! and it started raining lol

My jacket is water res but not proof, and my shoes were soon wet as well. But omg that jacket kept me warm for a good 2:10 hours (I got cold on the very home stretch lol).

Anyway the run was actually so nice! I got wet in my first 5k, but then the rain stopped and most of my clothing dried on the run (no luck for the shoes).

I took it slow and steady and really kept in zone 3 for the most time, even on the killer incline😭😭😭 I knew I wasn't going to go fast or PR today, so I'm extremely proud of how easy the run was and my HR zone 😊

Of all days for the app to be an ass...it was today lol

I use the nike running app and 99% do my runs with an audio guide (Coach Bennet my beloved!) but when I got my usual 1k mark, the app didn't do anything. when I looked, it had stopped at 0.16 meters (at a whopping pace of 45'10" LOL).

Deleted the run, started over, re-added the 1k manually.

The uphill was my biggest concern before I had to get past all the puddles.

OMFG did I say "WHY is there SO MUCH water!?!?!?" at least 20x

Yall need to understand that some sidewalks here are loads higher than the roads, and there's no drainage system to speak off. I was constantly ranting about the water, then calmed myself down saying "it's fine" 3x.

(also had to reroute a few times or take weird turns while watching for traffic. Blessed be, I only got splashed once on the calves, passing my nearby mall).

The incline was...fine ??? I was surprised ahahah

I usually die on this particular incline but today it was great ♡ also going up there were no puddles to speak off.

Going down I went even slower given the amount of leaves on the ground being wet. I got past 9k on my second run (10.4k total) when I noticed once more that the audio guide was quiet. Took out my phone showing 9.42k, and as I continued down, it didn't go to .43, as the pace slowed 🤡🤡

Its a nuisance, but there was nothing I could do. I stopped that run and just did one without audio guide, then listened to the same coach's podcast. It was on this that I walked for like, 30 seconds? that's all the walking I did (and walking during runs/races is fine!!!)

My posture broke down after 16k ☠️☠️☠️ I wasnt tired, just not really concentrating fully. kept having to straighten my back, relax my shoulders. My left leg is my weak one, but I wasn't hurting so we kept going.

I was going very slow and had to pick up my legs a bit as it felt that I was going backwards 🙃

Close to home my lower back hurt. I knew that my period had started 7k into the run, full on, and at the front I only felt a slight discomfort but no cramps 🥳 and now post run I don't feel anything ehehee

(run away from problems ❌️

run away from period pains ✅️)

I was literally on the last 500 meter when it started to feel cold (I know that my core warmth must have taken a dip too). All things considered, I didn't fatigue 😊 My sour gummies and water intake did the work. I ate like 3-4 sour gummies 3 times during the run? Loved it. Anyone who can't do gels, can't pay/get them, and doesn't want to eat baby food, the sour patch gummies are elite.

When I was done, a security guard from the large guarded community here came out. I had run past them when I started and then ofc when I came back. He asked if I set a record ahahah but nah

He was on my side doing a run no matter the conditions and gave me a lot of praise ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

I was kinda sad that my mom didn't support me 🙁 she tried to talk me out of running during the rainy conditions. Before I left, she said "du musst es wissen" which basically means "on your head be it". Then when I came home she asked about time/distance, immediately asking if I got really wet. I suppose today she was just a lil more focused on herself/lunch time. which is fine!!

When I went up to my beloved shower, she was disappointed that I wasn't hungry yet 🫢 Like pls let me get my lukewarm shower and fresh clothes first 😩 I'm a cold shower girly and do a lukewarm/warm shower <5x a year, and today called for one.

The best feeling post run is when you're freshly moisturised and warmly clothed out of the shower 😚😚 I ate two bowls of pasta, and after writing all this, I'm still hungry 😋 figures with 1200 kcal burned 😂

Anyway!! I'm already scared to attempt my second marathon next year 😅 I really wanna go to a cool city and run an official race 🥺🥺 I might end up being a 5hr marathoner, or I might be faster than my 4:39:13 PB.

#this is a long post so no worries if you nope out after clicking on the read more #I added pics but I go nothing scenic 🫠#anyway #go on a run!#5 minutes is enough #my headspace is always so much better after excersise #and doing hard things 🥰

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notyourmoon4528 · 6 months ago

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Pokemon sleep distracted me

And then Tumblr distracted me

And I almost stayed up late

😩🙏

Blessed moon above let our school close

I don't want to work with the assistant I was assigned to this week

She is too passive

Anyhoes

Night 🌉

Just cause Imma fight for a higher raise tomorrow 😤

When I got my new salary back in September

It was 2× minimal wage (first time in five years 🥳)

But now my wage hasn't changed but minimum wage increased so much that now I only make 2k more then minimal wage.

Imma try to ask for 3× what I'm making now.

But my boss is cheap and greedy.

Never buys the school supplies we need and ask for ( each kid gave 5k last year, this year 15k for school supplies)

Adds flour to eggs so she doesn't have to order as much ( eggs look thick and disgusting)

Charges parents 800 per kid to watch a play which is only 100 ticket price.

Just bought a new 2024 bmw

Is sending son overseas to study

Spent 2 months in America ( dollar is like 32× our currency) and came back with 24 suitcases of things.

And

Tired

Of working for basically nothing.

One week we spend almost 3k on groceries and I have to work 11 extra hours a week tutoring so that we aren't in debt.

#things moons said #moons is messed up still #moons is not having fun #moons feels like crying #good night #ended up ranting #moons ranted #more money less problems #Spotify

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pandoras-princess · 3 years ago

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Turn Back In Time (Ronnie Kray x fem!reader)

*gif not mine//credit to the owner

A/N: Hellooo my lovelies! 🌸 Long time no speak I know. I’ve had a rough few months and stepped back from writing for a while. Buuut I’m back. I started writing this months ago and it somehow turned into 5k long and no where near the end so I’ve decided to split it into two parts. It’s an AU world in which Ronnie never went to prison and has instead been married to you for 5 years. I’ve been watching both Legend and The Krays (kemp brothers version) and the depiction/story of Frances really struck me, so I’ve decided to centre this fic around her and the impact the Kray’s had on her. I’ve kept some parts of the original plot from the movies, although following a different timeline, as I feel they’re key to Frances’ story but I’ve put a little twist on them. Happy Reading People’s! 🥳🥳 As always I appreciate every like, comment, reblog and follow so thank you so much for the love shown already on this blog 🥰🥰 feedback is always welcome 😌

Summary: Everyone has something to say about the Kray’s, but only you know the full story...

Pairing: Ronnie Kray x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, violence, blood

━◦ ♡ ◦━◦ ♡ ◦━◦━◦ ♡ ◦━◦ ♡ ◦━

“Serving as keeper of the Kray’s was an impossible feat. An impossible feat that always came as second nature to me. It wasn’t until Frances came along that I realised just how hard it really was.

She was a kind soul. As delicate as a dandelion swaying in the wind. A kind soul, but a troubled one nonetheless.

So often would the darkness take her. Wrapping her up in conflicted thoughts and shattered dreams. Reg didn’t make it any easier, dressing her up like a doll and parading her around for all the world to see. As soon as he slid that ring on her finger, she stopped being Frances Shea and became Reggie Kray’s wife...”

“Is that so?”

“Course it’s so. Sure as the day is long, that girl couldn’t handle being part of the Kray’s. It weren’t her fault mind, you had to be bloody barmy to put up with those two.”

“Are you calling yourself barmy, Mrs Kray?”

“Course I am. We’re all barmy really, till some man in a white coat says different. My dear Ronnie, God rest his soul, never suffered a dull moment that’s for sure. Another part of the Kray life Frances couldn’t handle. If you married Reg, you married Ron right along with him. Drove her mad it did, not that Reggie ever noticed. That’s what did it in the end, I think. Reggie never noticed...”

[Many years before]

“That’s it dear sit down, sit down. Ron get her that little stool- that’s the one. There you go, now you put your feet up and we’ll sort out the tea.”

You do as you’re told and rest your aching feet on the footstool provided, sinking back into the cushiony chair as everyone fusses over you. You’re now into your 20th week of pregnancy and every opportunity to put your feet up and relax is shamelessly exploited. It hasn’t exactly been plain sailing so far, but the time spent at home surrounded by the ones you love make up for it all.

Ron stands behind the chair, on guard for anyone that dare to touch you. Given the complications with the pregnancy Ronnie’s protectiveness had reached it’s peak or rather what you hoped was it’s peak. Despite your wilful protests it was now akin to signing a death warrant for anyone to get within a foot of you.

“Ronnie sit down! You’re putting me on edge!” you hiss.

Reluctantly he perches himself on the edge of the sofa, sticking his bottom lip out like a sulking child.

Rolling your eyes you turn your attention to Violet carrying in the tea and for the first time you notice the petite young woman standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Her hair is pruned to perfection and her clothes are as dainty as a dress up doll. With her big brown eyes and high cheek bones she is undeniably beautiful... but she is definitely new.

“Who’s this then?” You ask no one in particular. You’re quite surprised the two of you hadn’t been introduced yet.

“Oh, I’m Frances-”

“She’s with me.” Reggie cuts in and snakes an arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his side. She smiles sheepishly in response and tucks a non existent strand of hair behind her ear. You don’t miss the look of disapproval from Violet.

“Well then... nice to meet you.” You offer her a polite smile and decide to stop asking questions.

After an hour or so you’re feeling much more tired than you would’ve liked. One look at your face tells Ron the same thing and he is soon helping you into your coat and saying his goodbyes. It’s a short ride back to the flat but you can barely keep your eyes open, settling for resting your head on the cool windowpane as Ronnie’s hand finds your thigh.

The next thing you know he’s waking you up and helping you out. Once inside you waste no time and head straight to bed, clambering in as Ronnie makes you both tea. By the time he brings it up you’re snoring softly into the pillows. So, with a shrug of his shoulders, he strips down to his boxers and climbs in next to you. His arm settles around your ever-growing bump as your sleeping form curls into his side. Stroking it absentmindedly, a smile spreads across his lips. Images of your daughter-to-be dance through his mind, whirling and dipping perfectly in sync.

Would she have your hair? Wild curls the colour of burnt oranges and fallen leaves of autumn. Or would she have his? Smooth and silky... but boring old chocolate brown. Would hazel eyes come through? Or would she defy all odds with irises the colour of the deep blue sea? The excitement is intoxicating and the possibilities endless as they go bouncing about his head.

You were carrying a girl, he was sure of it. Everyone else says as much and he’d be lying if he said that isn’t exactly what he’s hoping for.

The comfort of your embrace wraps itself around him like a warm fluffy blanket and he is quickly lulled off to sleep.

You spend most of the next few weeks like that. You in bed, Ron joining you in between meetings and nights at the club. Soon enough though there are more good days than bad and you often find yourself strong enough to relax at Violet’s while the boys go about their business.

Today Ronnie had vowed to stay firmly by your side, supposedly irked by the ‘funny look in your eye and pale skin’ as he so elegantly put it. You sit nestled between him and Violet at the kitchen table while Frances busies herself with making the tea.

“This is so kind of you” Violet gushes. “A real treat, isn’t it?”

“Mm lovely yeah.”

You notice the complexion of the hot liquid as soon as she starts pouring it and wince for what’s surely coming next.

“Oh. No, no, Frances no, that won’t do. That won’t do at all. You go and sit with Mr Kray and I’ll sort it out.” Violet’s tone is dripping in disappointment and her face says it all...

Frances would never be good enough for her little Reggie.

She rushes off into the front room and hides herself away on the chair, oblivious to Mr Kray’s presence. Your heart went out to her; it’s not easy making your way into the Kray family.

“She can’t even make a decent cup of tea!”

“Yeah, poor Reggie, ay? It was a good effort.” Ronnie snipes, quite obviously loud enough for Frances to hear.

“Ron!” Your palm connects with his bicep and his lips part in protest but the murderous glare overtaking your features stops him dead in his tracks. “Don’t be so rude!”

“Go easy on him Y/N, he’s only stating the obvious...”

“She looks like a budgie in that dress, don’t she?” Ronnie chooses to ignore the daggers you’re shooting at him, clearly egged on by his mother’s reassurance.

“The rag-and-bone man wouldn’t pick her up if she was laying in the gutter!” Violet chuckles.

“No... oh well, Poor Reggie. I shall, um, I shall flush that.”

The mockery proves too much and Frances leaves without saying another word, the slam of the front door casting a stunned silence over the room. Staring at the now empty seat, you can’t say you blame her. Ron’s tongue was razor sharp to the untrained ear and could slice open the toughest of souls in no time at all. Violet’s could be far worse, the apple having fallen none too far from that particular tree.

Rumour has it she ran all the way home that day, rushing down the roads and stopping for no one on her way. You can’t say how true that rumour is, but more often than not the feet take on what the heart finds too much to bear.

The weeks roll by and before you know it you’ve passed 7 months. With only a couple of months left until the baby arrives, it should be a joyous time for you all. But disaster had struck, as it so often did in the chaotic gangland of the East End. Reggie’d been collared for an old warrant, the judge denied his appeal and he was to spend the last 6 months of it behind bars. He was ordered to surrender the next morning.

What should’ve been happy days quickly became solemn and with Reggie gone it was clear Frances was never going to be accepted into the family.

Spending so much time lounging in the cushiony chair you’ve laid claim to and walking the streets aimlessly for a scrap of relief as the baby makes a boxing ring out of your womb means you pick up on the things that go unmentioned by everyone else.

Frances is not happy. In fact, she’s miserable and in no way enthusiastic for the life she’d unknowingly signed up for. Reggie’s constant absence is taking its toll on the fragile woman and you aren’t sure how much more her shoulders can carry. In the months that have passed since your introduction she’s like a whole new person, in the worst way possible.

One evening you’re nestled beneath a number of blankets, engrossed in the copy of Moby Dick you’ve read a thousand times before when Ronnie comes home. He pours himself a whiskey and settles into the seat beside you bringing your legs to rest on his lap.

“Guess who I bumped into today?” He asks, completely disregarding the item already occupying your attention.

“Who?”

“Good old Frances.”

“Oh! How is she...?”

“I don’t actually know. I shouldn’t think too well though. You see I told her- and before you say anything it’s fucking true -I told her that she’s turned into a ghost, right before our eyes. Now don’t give me that look love because with the right kind of lighting I’d be able to see through her clearer than a butchers window.”

“You did not say that to her?!”

“I absolutely fucking did. Somebody had to tell her and it wasn’t very well going to be you or Reggie now was it.”

“You can’t go around saying things like that to people, they don’t tend to like it very much.”

“Princess, I don’t give a fuck what other people like. Not a single fuck in the world.”

“Don’t you think she’s sad enough already Ron? She doesn’t need you rubbing salt into the wound.”

“What I think about that right, is that Frances is so sad she doesn’t actually know what sad feels like anymore.”

While you’re not a fan of Ronnie’s way of going about things, you find it hard to disagree with him on that one.

That night laying awake in bed it isn’t the baby keeping you from sleep. Images of Frances flash through your mind and as you nibble away at your bottom lip they show no signs of stopping. With an exasperated sigh you roll yourself out of bed, the shift in weight proving more than enough to wake your sleeping husband.

“Are you okay? Is it the baby?” He asks, voice laced with concern.

“I’m fine, the baby’s fine. I just can’t sleep. Help me with this please.”

Moving behind you he takes hold of the dressing gown you’re battling with and untangles it. Within seconds he’s holding it out for you.

Mumbling a quick ‘bastard’ you slide your arms into it and secure the belt around you. Ronnie chuckles, amused by your childlike frustration and draws you into his arms. His large hands settle over yours on your bump and he begins swaying the two of you from side to side.

“What’s up love? What is bothering you?”

“Frances.”

The swaying stops and he spins you around to face him, confusion etched onto his features.

“Frances? Has she done something? Or said something? I won’t be having that. It’s not on. Not on at all. You are a pregnant woman- my pregnant woman -I won’t be having her do anything untoward-”

“Ron stop. Stop- stop it’s okay.” Spluttering through your giggles you attempt to shut him up long enough to explain. “She hasn’t done anything to me. I’m just worried about her.”

“Worried about her? We’re all worried about her. It’s not any of our business.”

“Reggie loves her and that makes it our business. You said yourself she’s turning into a ghost. How can I sit back and watch? Just watch her fade away into the background without doing anything at all?”

“That’s easy love, you don’t watch her.”

“Ron!” You groan. “Be serious.”

“Look Y/N, you’re weeks away from giving birth, Reggie’s inside and I’m losing my fucking mind. You’ve got enough on your plate without worrying about her worries n’all. Focus on you and the baby and let Reggie worry about the sanity of his woman, yeah?”

“Reggie isn’t here to worry about her and I can’t very well ignore it and do nothing Ron. It’s not right!”

“What do you suppose we do about it then love? Invite her to move in? Tell you what she can share the cot with the baby how about that.”

“Oh stop it. I don’t know what, I haven’t gotten that far yet. I do know that I’m going to do something, before it’s too late to do anything at all...”

Your plans to save the day are very quickly derailed when it becomes apparent Frances isn’t the only one lost without Reggie around. Ron is completely distraught without his twin by his side and his grip on reality loosens that bit more with every day that passes. You’re sure he’s stopped taking his medication. Heavily pregnant, you don’t have the energy to run around after him so you manage his moods as best you can when you’re with him and pray to the high heaven’s for anyone unlucky enough to cross his path when you aren’t.

Those prayers weren’t to be answered.

A few days later you’re dozing in bed when three sharp knocks shake you from your sleep. As you slowly make your way to the door the three sharp knocks sound again.

“Alright alright keep your hair on I’m coming!”

Cranky and half asleep, you fail to hide how much of an unpleasant surprise it is to find Lesley Payne on the doorstep.

“Ronnie’s not here.” You quip, hoping to end the conversation before it had even started.

“I know Ronnie’s not here. I’ve come to speak to you.” His voice is a mixture of anger and panic, his suit entirely disheveled. Tufts of hair stick up on his head suggesting he’d spent quite a lot of time pulling at it.

“What could you possibly have to say to me?”

His eyes dart around the surrounding houses and scattered neighbours along the street. “Let me in and I’ll tell you.”

Growing increasingly agitated by his elusive behaviour you grit your teeth and fold your arms over your chest.

“I don’t think so. What do you want? Ronnie would have your head on a stick if he knew you were here. I’m half tempted to tell him.”

“I’m here to tell you your husband has lost the fucking plot love. He wants me to take money out of the casino to fund some fucking pipe dream in Africa. I had him in my office today shouting the odds and throwing his weight around. Not only that he’s scaring away every customer half worth serving at the barn. I came here to warn you. He is dangerous. Put him on a tight leash and sharpish before he does damage that can’t be undone.”

Not giving you the chance to reply Payne mutters a quick goodbye and scurries off down the street. His body is hunched over his briefcase, which is held tight against his chest.

‘He’s obviously scared of something.’

You have no doubt that something is indeed Ronnie...

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