#that’s my 6’4 barbie

[sorceresski]

Some of you just don’t get it😔💔

[heavyhitterheaux]

Shoot Your Shot Part 1

Bayou Barbie Meets the Hometown Hero

Synopsis: When you are playing a game in Louisville a certain person in the audience couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. Not wanting the opportunity to pass him by, he quickly makes it his goal to grab your attention before the night is over

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Basketball Player!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

A sigh of relief finally escaped you as you lifted your arms in order to shoot a three pointer and successfully scored making your team win the game. You were currently in Louisville going against the Cardinals and as good as a team that they were, tonight you had proved to be better.

Currently, you played for LSU in the position of point guard on a full scholarship and you were in your sophomore year. Even though you grew up in Maryland, this was the only school that you had your eyes set on for as long as you could remember. 

Your teammates quickly crowded around you and embraced you as the buzzer went off signaling the end of the game. 

As you walked off the court, different people were congratulating all of you, but all you wanted to do was get food, go back to your hotel and sleep all weekend until you boarded a plane to go back to Louisiana.

Studying for your midterms would also be thrown in there somewhere.

But it was Friday night and more than likely your teammates were not about to let that happen.

You quickly showered and got dressed, but as you were putting on your shoes, one of your best friends, Kelsey, sat down next to you and simply eyed you.

She played center and towered over you at 6’4 even though you were 6 feet yourself. 

“Why are you just staring at me you little weirdo?” You asked when she finally caught your eye.

“Uhh did you see your boyfriend staring at you tonight?”

“Who?!? Me and Tristan broke up so what in the world is your ass talking about? Was he here?!”

“Not him! Jack Harlow!”

“Girl, what?! Now, I know you’ve lost your mind.”

The entire team knew how big of a crush you had on him and would tease you about it all the time, and you would constantly be fighting for your life in the group chat. Kelsey had actually gotten you tickets for your birthday to see him in concert before.

Multiple times.

“He was staring at you the entire time!”

“Uh, because he was watching us play?” You responded as you put your curly hair up in a bun on top of your head.

“Nah, not us, YOU!”

“I second that!” Screamed Ebony from across the room, but you just looked at the both of them dumbfounded.

“If you two say so, now I’m hungry so where are we about to go and eat?”

“Zombie taco, I think we should be able to walk to it from here. I looked it up before we even got here."

The restaurant wasn’t far from the arena and you and a few of your teammates walked a few streets over. As you were all standing in line, your other best friend Briana pinched you and told you to look to your left.

“Ow! What the hell Bree?!”

“Your husband is over there and so is his fine ass best friend Urban. I’d do anything to kiss those lips of his.”

“First, he’s my boyfriend and now he’s my husband? I’m going to need for the two of you to make up your mind!”

“He obviously wants you since he keeps staring at you.”

“Everyone stares at me. I’m used to it. I’m tall.” You replied while shrugging. 

“Bitch, we’re all tall! You’re actually one of the shortest ones on the team!” Kelsey quickly said and all you did was roll your eyes and playfully push her.

You were the last to order and as you went to take out your card to pay, the girl at the cash register quickly shook her head.

“No need, someone already paid for your food for you.”

Kelsey and Briana heard this and you quickly looked over at them to see them both smirking.

“It wasn’t us. We’re broke college students, bitch.” Briana said while taking a swig of water from her courtesy cup that she had gotten and all you could do was laugh.

“I got you when I make it to the WNBA.” Kelsey added and you just smiled at the cashier.

“Do you mind me asking who paid for me?”

“Dude with the curly hair sitting in the corner. I think you already know his name.” She replied as she smiled at you.

You looked in the direction where she pointed and of course, she was pointing to no one other than Jack himself and your eyes went wide.

“We told you.” Was all Briana said as the three of you waited for your food. 

“I hear wedding bells and Harlow babies in the future.”

“I will make you walk back to our apartment.”

The three of you found a table not too far from where Jack was sitting and Kelsey and Briana sat on one side making it so you actually ended up facing him and you quickly rolled your eyes at the two of them.

“You two get on my nerves.”

“We just want to see this love connection unfold. Don’t be mad at us!”

“I’m not mad at all, but come on. He’s tall himself, what does he need with a tall girl too?”

“You’re a catch and I’m going to need for you to stop talking about yourself that way.”

“I’ve hardly met any guys who want to date tall girls. Tristan doesn’t count because that relationship was a dumpster fire on wheels.”

“The team celebrated when you dropped him.”

“WHAT?!”

“Come on, he treated you like shit. You deserve happiness and we can’t understand why you of all people can’t see that. You have the biggest heart and we’re tired of seeing you get hurt. Take a chance with him because his number will definitely be in your phone by the time we leave. Mark my words.”

“Bree, unhand my nacho before I stab you with my fork. If you wanted some, you should have gotten some.” You responded as you avoided what she had said before. The thing is that you knew that she was right, but now that basketball and school took up most of your time, doing anything else with you was like pulling teeth.

“Didn’t I tell you I was a broke college student?”

You wanted to thank Jack, but didn’t want to interrupt him with his friends, however Kelsey and Briana could tell you were trying to make your way out the door before saying anything to him and they weren’t having it.

“Nope, come on. Let’s go right now!” Kelsey said as she tugged at your arm.

“What?! No!”

Before you knew it all three of you were in front of Jack, Urban, Clay, Ace, Sunni, Cope, and Nemo with you in the middle and Kelsey and Briana on each side.

“Hey! Our best friend just wanted to say thank you for paying for her food. Right, Y/N?” Briana said and you quickly smiled at him.

“Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it.” You quietly said and Jack couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Anytime, pretty girl. You three played a hell of a game tonight.” Jack answered and you could feel yourself getting hot.

“Well we have no choice when we have a captain as good as she is. We have to do our best to keep up with her.” Kelsey said while looking over at you.

“Well, Y/N, I want to be able to keep up with you too, so put your number in my phone if you’re up for it.” Jack replied while handing you his phone and you quickly took it. You already knew Kelsey and Briana were internally screaming and you wouldn’t hear the end of this for weeks.

As you finished putting your number in, you quickly handed him back his phone.

“You doing anything tomorrow?” He asked and you started to answer, but Kelsey quickly cut you off.

“Being with…”

“NO! SHE’S FREE! Pick her up at 8! We’ll send you the address. Come on Y/N!” Kelsey said as she pushed both you and Briana out of the door. 

“See you then gorgeous.”

“Okay, can’t wait.”

When the three of you got outside, you all looked at each other before collectively screaming.

“Bitch! What did we tell you?!”

“Okay, I admit you two were right because a lot of times yall aren’t.”

“That was one time on the sociology final. You aren’t going to keep hanging that over my head, Y/N! That was freshman year!”

“I- you know what Kelsey, I forgive you for that. Even though that was just literally last semester.” You said while laughing.

“Oh shit, I can’t wait to pick out your outfit!”

“Uh oh.”

“Uh oh, what?!”

“I don’t have anything to wear!”

“Uhh? You literally look like a model out of your uniform, how do you not have anything to wear?”

“All of my cute clothes are at our apartment… In LOUISIANA!” 

“It’s okay. I have my credit card my parents gave me for emergencies. I think it's almost maxed out, but there should be enough for us to get you something.”

“Bree…..”

“This is a fashion emergency so tomorrow we’re going shopping to get you ready for your date with Jack Harlow.” 

Suddenly you had stopped walking and when they both noticed that you were behind them instead of beside them, they looked at you concerned.

“Y/N? Everything okay?”

“Did he just call me pretty girl or was I imagining that?”

“You definitely didn't imagine it. He wants to get to know the bayou barbie for himself.” 

[starry-wren]

so after posting this I have been drawing and character developing, and I think I’ve come up with two characters I really like!

so without further ado, here are Charlie and Angel!

Charlie <3

-He/him

-Transmasc

-Ceteroromantic

-Loves to dress more feminine, likes wearing hair barrettes and bows and skirts and makeup

-Really good at cooking

-Got bullied a lot in high school for being trans and also weird

-The sweetest little guy :)

-Very shy and quiet, doesn’t talk a lot to anyone but Angel

-Cries when a contestant gets kicked off of a reality show

-Really tall. Like really really tall. Probably 6’4 (Is that tall? Idk)

-Went to the Barbie movie dressed as Allan wearing a pastel pink skirt

-Loves bugs

-Wears headphones because he doesn’t like the feeling of earbuds in his ears

-Neurodivergent

-Likes to draw on himself and put stickers and glitter on himself

-Coffee has no effect on him but he still loves to make elaborate frappuccinos because they taste sweet

-Best friend and theyfriend is Angel <3

Angel!

-They/them

-Genderfluid, but only the nonbinary genders

-Likes to use the nonbinary flag and call themselves nonbinary instead of genderfluid

-Biromantic

-Has a little chalkboard poster that says “Today’s gender is _____” that Charlie got them. They put it up in their college dorm and send a picture to Charlie every day.

-A skilled makeup artist and hairstylist

-Likes to dress and appear scary but is actually really silly

-Is mean to Charlie’s bullies. They’re really scared of Angel, so Charlie got bullied less since Angel moved back.

-Loud and gets in trouble a lot, especially at their old high school.

-Wears platform boots so that they can be as tall as Charlie.

-Went to the Barbie movie dressed in all black and wearing skeleton makeup

-Has a nose ring (I just couldn’t draw it with my chibi style)

-Dances by moving their head back and forth in time to music (peak silly moment)

-Usually has long painted nails

-They pierced their ears and dyed their hair themself when they were a kid because their mom wouldn’t let them get it done professionally

-Loves Charlie’s cooking

-Frequently uses the little analog emojis (like :P, >:D, etc.)

-Best friend and boyfriend is Charlie <3

They r holding hands <3

(they aren’t little kids they are just drawn in a chibi style)

[tallmansmallman]

Everyone say hi to Clara!!!

#Gay holiday Barbie that resides in my living room thinks she deserves rights  just because people mistake her for a real person and she’s 6’4

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Ok so I did the hcs of what OrangeJuiceVerse Stan and Kyle look like already (here) so now I gotta do the rest of the Star Seven

*Kenny- this guy is littttllllleeee like short king oh my god this poor mf grew up constantly malnourished and never grew taller than 5’5! I’ll write Kenny all across the board appearance wise but ojverse? He’s short. And he OWNS it!!! He’s also my king of fully climbing on everyone physical boundaries are not a thing with him (this is a problem when he meets Craig and Tweek) and he and Stan both have a penchant for hugging people but Kenny is the type to be like “watch if I run at Stan he’ll catch me” “wait no Kenny I’m holding coffee” *catches him* lmfao my beloved Disaster Duo. Kenny’s tiny ass is literally alllllways on Marj.

Sandy blond hair and the style changes CONSTANTLY he’s a MENACE with the scissors, but it’s usually on the long side and YES he grows a beard in his late 20s (this started as a bet with Stan to see who could grow the better one) he 100% braids it and puts glitter and flowers in it smh eccentric icon. Pretty light blue eyes, they look vaguely purple for a few days after he comes back from a death.

He dresses like a damn muppet half the time, and a lot of his clothes are stuff he made himself (artist slay) or found at a thrift store and altered, out here wearing shirts with vulgar sayings, weird clown pants, juicy sweatsuits, obnoxious Hawaiian shirts with leopard print leggings, like this man lives for looking like a weirdo. But the other half of the time he’s in jeans and t shirts, hoodies, and (also artist slay and literally me) so much of what he owns has some kind of paint or bleach stain. His go to “formal” attire is legitimately a floral suit with PRINCESS embroidered on the back.

*Marjorine- my tall goddess! She’s the third tallest of the 7 at 5’11 (Kenny is very into that) and loves to wear heels so she’s really out here towering over the peasants like the QUEEN she is lmao. She also dresses like a BARBIE I’m talkin the pastels that perfectly flatter her coloration, def some seersucker a-line dresses, MONOGRAMMED STUFF bruh they may be from assfucknowherecolorado but this lady dresses like she’s a pageant queen in the Deep South! It very much fits her as the baddest bitch in the mlm meeting (y’all keep her away from that shit frfr) she’s such a sweetie but she’s so damn susceptible to stuff like that oh noooo but then she winds up running the show 💀

She does indeed have the Eye Scar (blind in that eye she can’t legally drive rip) one eye is this pretty disney princess blue and the other is almost white but she looks SO fucking cool and the juxtaposition of her otherwise angelic features with a badass anime protagonist scar is KICKASS! Plussss since she dresses like fuckin Elle Woods but is taller than God just the BAD BITCH VIBES!!!

*CRAIG TUCKER MY DUDE!!! Ok so I believe I said that this mf is whole ass 6’4!!! “Yer a long boi ain’t ya” like bruh he’s so damn lanky whole ass string bean lmfao. I am an enjoyer of the Peruvian Crog hcs, so yep. Really dark black hair and grey eyes, he’s also like super hot??? I’m talking PERFECT skin, the most gorgeous chiseled face he deadass looks like a statue and women are all over him tryna flirt BUT!!! this mf is gayer than a mf picnic basket 😭

He’s seriously so cool looking but if you tell him that he’ll be like ?? It’s so funny bc Stan’s over here like “dude how do you wear a leather jacket without looking like a douchebag” and Craig’s like “idk?? I just do?” smh poor Stan he wants to look cool so bad and and Craig’s the only “cool guy” he knows but he’s not helpful at alllll.

He mostly dresses in dark colors, black, gray, navy, he’s like super hot but he is SUCH a loser!!! (I’m stealing this from my partner btw) one time he was just… walking around the apartment dressed as Spider-Man? And didn’t even acknowledge it? Like Tweek had a migraine and was bedridden and Craig fully just went up to him IN THE SPIDEY SUIT and handed him a jar of pickles “you should eat” Tweek was like “man WHAT are you doing dressed like that?!?” SMH he’s actually an icon

*TWEEK!!!!! Ok so Tweek (I’m projecting y’all know I love an artist character) he doesn’t own a single item of clothing that isn’t stained. And he mostly sticks to earth tones, a lot of green and brown, also let’s talk abt his skin. He has TERRIBLE skin! Cystic acne, he’s blotchy as shit, rosacea, got moles and freckles everywhere, acne on the left side of his chin from throwing up (when he’s in the drankin era) Kyle described him as scrunkly when they met lmfao like twerk is really just one of those little stray cats you see on the street. He’s honestly really cute tho

He’s LITTLE he’s Kenny’s height at 5’5 BUT!!! He’s literally so fuckin strong! Like out of him and crog? Tweek’s the jar opener. He has… actually kicked Stan’s ass at the gym (it was so unserious Stan was being angsty about a birthday and Ky was like “dude go spar Tweek or sum” and Stan has reservations bc he’s like a foot taller than Tweek and so much bigger and then Tweek kicked his ass!) smh they came home from the local planet fitness both smiling so hard and crog and ky were like TF?!?!? Like why are y’all beat up to hell

Tweek has very light blond hair, it’s technically curly but he pulls the hell out of it so it just kinda stands straight out, it literally feels like straw someone get this man some Fuckin conditioner

*Cartman! Ok I stand by him having heterochromia, he’s got one brown eye and one blue, totally thinks it makes him look “awesome and kewl” (it does lowkey) unfortunately he’s actually very attractive until he calls you a slur lmao. His features are literally perfect, he takes care of himself, skincare on point, LISTEN HE IS SO ABSURD about his cocktail of products it’s literally asinine

He’s around 5’9, and fat. Light brown hair that he keeps fairly short and ALWAYS immaculately styled. Like this guy cleans up NICE and u meet him for the first time and are thinking you’re meeting a very friendly lawyer type dude but then you shake his hand and he goes “what’s with the sword earrings, what? You just get off a dnd session?” Lmfao literally I cannot stress enough that he never grows out of being an asshole. He does MOSTLY stop with the truly offensive things though. Mostly. The Fuckwad Jar may have had something to do with it.

[polarbearaone]

I HAVE A REQUEST! Aone proposing to you! I honestly think it would be the sweetest and most intimate moment ever!!!!!!

it was hard to choose a ring. he was with the jewelers, trying to pick a ring while carrying his niece. she wanted to come with because “ if she’s going to be the ring bearer, she must have a say in choosing the ring”. his niece was blabbing her mouth about how she swore barbie had the same ring when aone’s eyes came across an emerald green ring, the same color as the date tech uniforms both of you would wear when he fell in love with you. “ thank you” aone said, walking out with the little box.

dinner with his family went well! though you noticed that aone was more nervous and quiet that usual. “ can you come outside with me please” aone whispers into your ear, extending his hand to you. Aone’s family has garden right behind their house, full of beautiful flowers that decorated the gates. “you know, I really love you. since high school, I was always sure of this moment. but I guess I’ve never had a way with words so there is no simpler way to say it” before you even register his words, your 6’4 fiancé boyfriend gets on one knee. “ (y/n), would you do me the honor of being my wife?” aone isn’t even sure if he heard a yes before your hug tumbled him to the ground and your lips peppered his face with kisses. “ of course of course of course” rolled off your tongue. “ thank you, mrs.aone” <3

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain an Analysis? Chapter 2! Part 1

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

Guys! We finally made it to Chapter 2!!!! Prepare for the feelz!

As always, Spoilers under cut.

So… Lets recap what we know about Roman before we dig too deep into Chapter 2… We know that Roman is overzealous, hopeful to the point of naivety, innocent, sassy, playful/teasing, endearing, misguided and moral. He sees the good in everyone (especially Logan). Roman cares for each person individually, while Logan cares more for humanity as a whole. Lastly, Roman is pretty much the embodiment of hope for Logan and maybe the world. No pressure.

Okay… That’s pretty much what we know about Roman’s personality thus far… and he’s only been mentioned a few times… Not bad, not bad. Let’s get to it!

Eva wastes no time jumping right into Roman’s back story, though I’ll admit the first time I read this it gave me a bit of whiplash. We did just come out of a very dramatic scene, after all. Still as usual there is a lot to be said in the first para. First off, drawing the reader in within the first few lines is always a great idea and she manages it with; “Young Roman was shaking with righteous anger. How dare this – this fiend targeted the company of his father?” (Whatwashernameagain). This should send us into a whirlwind of emotions. We learn a lot about Roman and Roman’s father with these two sentences. First off, we see that Roman is very quick with his emotions which is not surprising at all, judging from what we have learned about him. However, when he uses the word ‘fiend’ in italics the inflection nods towards his overzealous nature which honestly warms my heart a bit. Once again, Eva is very strategic with her italics and beautifully so. We can assume that this ‘fiend’ is none other than one ‘Utilitarianist’ judging from the context of the previous chapter and the rivalry that we are already familiar with. But this begs the question: Why would Logan target Roman’s father unless he is a bad man? Well, I’d say the answer is in the question… But Roman obviously doesn’t believe that.

“He was the hardest working man in the world! His idol, his hero! He was donating to charity, pursuing a career in politics to support the attempts of the republican party to protect this great country’s safety and now he had to deal with an investigation into the state of his breeding facilities” (Whatwashernameagain).

This makes me… so sad. Roman obviously idolizes his father. He is a young man here, years before The Dreamer and it certainly shows in his naivety and innocence. As children many of us are fed information that our parents wish for us to believe or are simply told in order to stop us from questioning this or that. Some parents do this consciously while most don’t even think about it. It’s like when your parent tells you that its illegal to drive at night with the cab light on… I don’t know if this is going to shock you but its not illegal. At least not here. But their parents no doubt told them that when they were younger to keep them from messing with the light and distracting them; then they grew up believing it and now they tell their children the same thing. Or my mother use to tell me that her first husband died in a car accident because she didn’t want me to know she was divorced… Turns out he lives in Cali with a wife and three kids… but questioning her about him hurt her so she made up a lie to protect herself and me. Its not surprising that poor innocent Roman would be fed similar lies to help idolize his father.

The thing is… there comes a point in time in every adult’s life that they look at their parent and reality hits them so hard in the face they stumble. The person you thought your mom or dad was isn’t exactly who they are. For example, I idolized my own father and I of course still love him very very much; but growing up I thought he had the answer to everything and was an outstanding person. He had very few flaws (mostly just promiscuity)… Then about the time I turned twenty-four I watched as he went into a rage about abortions and how pro-choicers are idiots when most of them are pro-life but ‘just want attention’. It took me by surprise and when I showed him the statistics that the majority of ‘pro-life’ and ‘pro-choice’ both agreed that there should be exceptions to most abortion issues (“Abortion”). He chose to deny the fact and continued to hate the opposite party simply because they labeled themselves something other than what he labeled himself, despite believing in the same concepts…. I’m getting way off topic… Sorry… I realized in that moment that the man I idolized was an ignorant man who was content with his choice in being ignorant. It was a shock… The image of him I had painted my whole life came crashing down. It was alright of course, we just don’t talk about politics anymore… well… not often anyways. My point is… I’m curious to see when Roman has the same realization that his father is not the man Roman expects him to be… Truth be told; our parents can never live up to their children’s expectations. We set the bar too high and they are only human, doing the best they can… The good ones anyways XP

Again! Getting off topic! Sorry! Back to the analysis….

Roman sees his father as everything he strives to be. His father is a hard worker, who gives to the needy, is charismatic (a politician), a protector. No doubt, Roman was conditioned to see these things; conditioned to believe that this is what a ‘real’ man looks like. A conditioning that most of us have experienced. Girls that don’t dress pretty enough, or don’t like the color pink, or rather play with a football than a barbie; or boys who love pink, enjoy makeup, don’t enjoy sports… I can’t tell you enough how much crap my husband gets because he rather read a book than play football, especially when he was in school (he’s 6’4” and almost 400lbs). Its wrong!!! Here Roman’s father stands, the picture-perfect image of everything Roman is expected to be… of course he’s going to fixate on the good, rather than accepting the bad. Looks like Logan isn’t the only one in denial.

This denial is cemented when Roman begins to talk about the ‘caramel colored Highland cow’ that his father had given him when he was twelve. Roman uses this as an example of how his father cares so deeply for animals…. -sigh- My poor baby… All of this is an indication of unconscious rationalization. Yup, you guessed it I’m jumping back into psychoanalysis and Freud. YAY! Rationalization is when an individual avoids feelings of displeasure by explaining their own loses and failures as someone else’s fault (Rivkin, Julie). In this case, Roman isn’t even aware that he is doing it; hence the denial. Instead of subconsciously accepting the fact that these investigations could be in the right he chooses to blame the investigation of victim blaming…. Well, the investigations and The Utilitarianist.

Though Roman’s us of terms such as ‘hard-working Americans,’ ‘terrorist’ and ‘gross injustice’ in the next few paragraphs really boldens the image that Roman eventually grows into; the one we saw in Chapter 1. As if Roman should be wearing the stars and stripes on his cape, flapping in the wind behind him. A whole-hearted apple pie American! These terms are a direct parallel to a lot of the Republican campaigns throughout the last few years. Terms like this tend to be used to sew discontent and fear into people, making them easily controllable. Honestly, it’s a great symbolism on how America’s masses are being persuaded to follow the path of anger and certain politicians that I will not name. Roman, here is the picture-perfect representation of America, his father a Republican extremist (like many politicians lately) who has fed him so many lies and promises… provided pretty things to satisfy him temporary and allow him to do as he pleases without any consequence to himself. Sound familiar?

**Personal note: I have nothing against the Republican party. I agree with the platform on a few issues as well as with the Democratic platform. However, anything to its extreme is a bad thing. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

“Roman could not stand for this! It was gross injustice! He wanted to help, to support his father and show him that he could trust him! He was almost twenty now – a man – and it was time he finally managed to prove himself!” (Whatwashernameagain).

Within the same paragraph we see Roman’s need to win his father’s approval. We also see the societal gender norm of being ‘a man’ once more. There is a lot to unpack here. Roman wants to show his father that he can ‘trust him.’ Which wouldn’t be something a normal person would be concerned about unless there was a sense of past abuse; which judging by the rationalization is no doubt the case. This implies that Roman has always been informed that he’s not good enough, or that he is incompetent. This small sentence shows us a side of Roman that we have yet to see… his insecurity. Sure, as The Dreamer he hides it well… He must, he’s the hope and dreams of the world, he can’t afford insecurities. But deep down he is just a child wanting his father’s approval. He wants to be needed, needs to be accepted. He wants to prove to this man that he’s not worthless… Hmm… Kinda sounds like a certain villain we know doesn’t it? Actually, Logan and Roman have a lot more in common here than meets the eye. Imagine what Roman feels here… The desperation, the loneliness. Perhaps he feels as if there is no one else in the world that could possibly understand how he feels. He is no doubt surrounded by staff but when it comes down to it, he is just as alone as Logan is. Both using their pain to change the world; both defining themselves by the work that they do… by their usefulness. Once again, Roman focusing on the individual (his father) while Logan focuses on the masses. He and Logan share the same goal, the same hurtles, and the same pain… and yet somehow ended up on opposite sides of the coin…

We see more of Roman’s insecurities in the next paragraph, underlining the emotion; proving to the reader that it runs far deeper than we would first assume. He states that he tends to ‘ask the wrong question’ and makes ‘stupid suggestions’. However, the questions he asks are regarding the wages of the workers, and the suggestions involve the wellbeing of animals. The dimension this contrast provides really rounds out Roman’s character. As a reader we see that these questions are anything but wrong and the suggestions are far from stupid, but we are a mute onlooker that can do nothing to change the scene unfolding before us. These words paint Roman’s heart as much as his pain. We see his concern for his father’s employees and the animals as well. We see that he cares for every living being, bringing up back to the fact that he focuses on the individual, reinforcing this concept. At the same time, he doesn’t see it himself. I’ve learned early on in life that if you are told the same thing over and over in your life time by someone you look up to… you are bound to believe it and the best and worst thing about belief is that once you have it… its hard to let go.

“Shame rose into Roman’s cheeks as he remembered his silly question about fencing in a meadow for their calves in their Laredo facility to play in with their mothers. He’d just remembered how much Nugget had always enjoyed jumping around with them. Of course, he should have known they needed to be separated from their mothers after the first day to avoid losing the milk they sold. It was necessary, he guessed. So, they’d said” (Whatwashernameagain).

So, they’d said… -sigh- Three little words and yet… so much pain. I don’t really need to explain the whole being told something repeatedly etc etc etc. Because I just did; but the fact that Eva ends the paragraph so simply is so elegantly impactful… I just… wanted to bring attention to it.

It also serves to point out that despite the fact that Roman rationalizes his father’s mistreatments and dirty deeds, he has his doubts. “It was necessary, he guessed.” Implies that Roman doesn’t truly believe this despite what he’d been told (along with the ‘so they’d said’). It adds even more depth to the man because while we are looking at a young Roman with no self-confidence he knows right from wrong. At least, deep down he does. It is the environment around him that is forcing this sense of morality to be buried deep deep down to the point to he can hardly recognize it… but its there. This also makes for some great foreshadowing. The small rebellion of nothing but a seed of a thought will no doubt grow into more.

Tangent: People always talk about how changing your thoughts are a sure-fire way to change your life and it is true. In fact, there is scientific research to prove it. No, I’m not talking about some kind of poll or mental screening. It’s much bigger than that. Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist and doctor of alternative medicine, conducted an experiment to try and discover how our thoughts can physically affect the world around us (“Water”). He took samples of water and exposed them to written and spoken words and music to see how thoughts and feelings affect physical reality (“Water”). Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed towards them such as ‘love’, ‘thank you’, ‘I hate you’ (“Water”). The findings were unbelievable especially when you consider the fact that 90% of our bodies are made of water. Water that changes in reaction to thoughts. The implications of this research create a new awareness of how we can positively impact the earth and our personal health (“Water”). Dr. Emoto has been called to lecture around the world as a result and has conducted live experiments both in Japan and Europe as well as in the US to show how indeed our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions as humans deeply impact the environment (“Water”). I learned this many years ago watching the documentary ‘What the Bleep Do We Know?’ which I highly recommend… But if you would like to watch the short clip on water molecules and thoughts you can find it here.

I bring it up because Roman’s rebellious thoughts have a far more drastic impact than he probably assumes. We shape ourselves to our thoughts… Which only intensifies the foreshadowing here.

Once again, in the next para we see Roman’s rationalization in full swing as he talks about his father having a difficult time with him. We also see the reinforcement of social norms when it comes to gender: ‘he lacked a sense of ruthlessness a strong man needed to improve the world’, ‘he was a bad hunter, had the wrong interests’, ‘spoke too softly or loudly’ (Whatwashernameagain). I’m not going to go into it too much because I’ve already touched on the ridiculousness of this… and because forcing social gender norms onto someone like this piss me off like no other and I’m not turning this into a big rant and pulling it away from Eva’s amazing work! I’ll just say that its wrong to assume what it means to be a man or a woman… why isn’t just being a person enough?! and leave it at that. We also see more of Roman’s idolization of his father; his need for approval and his distaste for Logan and his so-called victim-blaming (which is rationalization once more).

The sudden shift from such a somber tone to the next paragraph proves to be refreshing and provides Roman with a small burst of passion we know and love! Eva writes: “Roman had one thing going he was good at, though. He was strong, brave and determined. Someone needed to put a stop to this renegade liberal, and it might as well be him. It wasn’t like all the other things he’d tried and failed at. This time, he felt a calling to fight the war of the righteous” (Whatwashernameagain)!

This provides us with a small glimpse of The Dreamer we’ve come to know in Chapter 1. Roman may not have confidence in himself but the image of who he wants to be is another story. For those of you who don’t know I worked in Law Enforcement for six years and its things like this that remind me of some of the good parts of the job. Roman is relatable here to be. I’ve known a lot of officers who are very different outside of the uniform, myself included. We have insecurities, weaknesses, ticks, that all seem to fade away when we put on that uniform. You become a different person, a stronger person; someone you look up to… and looking up to yourself is an amazing feeling… its like your indestructible… you can do anything! Officer Liz and the Liz writing this analysis are two different people. Yes, we share the same experiences and likes and dislikes but… I’m just a regular person, staying up too late, worried about laundry and dishes… while she… she’s a hero who protects everyone, always has a solution, and never lets her emotions get the better of her. Roman is getting his first taste of the high that comes with the alter ego. He sees the Dreamer in that instance, though he refers to himself because in a way they are the same person… The difference is, is that The Dreamer has already won his father’s approval and pride… Roman has not.

*******

I will have to end it there, friends. It is way past my bed time, and I have to be up in a few hours for work. Thank you for joining me though and I hope to see you in Part 2!

   “Abortion.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 10 Nov. 2019, https://news.gallup.com/poll/1576/abortion.aspx.

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

“Water.” What the Bleep Do We Know!?, https://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 2.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/189407228487/the-dreamer-chapter-2?is_related_post=1.

[artificialqueens]

Star Power Over Me - Part Four (Trixya/Vixie) - Pilandok

AN: AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HAHAHAHAHA. This was tiring. Climax of the story. I think, maybe. (Was supposed to be the chapter where they all lay their cards out but ended up becoming a dissection of Trixya friendship??) Katya-centric-ish? Hahaha. Thank you for so far hahahahahahaha, ya’ll don’t know how grateful I am.

Part One. Two. Three.

             I knew something was going on before I really knew what was going on. I’m not an idiot. Well, maybe I am an idiot, about a lot of things in fact—but not about you. Not about you, Tracy. I know you and I know you more than anyone else does. More than your boyfriends, more than your parents, even more than Kim Chi. I’m sure about this because Trixie, you’ve talked about all of them at length. During those nights when our jokes start falling flat and we have no choice but to be serious and seriously share stories about our lives. Those quiet nights that started after we finished filming season seven, after I was eliminated, after I emerged from my self-imposed, sex-fueled exile. My first instinct was to call you and tell you how insane I was, because for the most part, you weren’t there to see it (you would have though, in a few months, but I gave you a head start anyway). I called you, and unloaded everything that first night on the phone. And you were laughing, Trixie, at how insane I was, and I was laughing, too. Because it really was hilarious, my crazy. You told me to call again the next night, and I did, for every night after that.

                 Then later you would tell me how insane you are. I didn’t laugh then because it wasn’t funny how crazy you were, it really wasn’t. But you made the rudest, vilest, most wretched jokes about it then I did laugh. You make such bad jokes that I can’t ever repeat them and Trixie, you can’t too and that’s a lifelong bond made, mama.

                 Let me get back—so I I’m not an idiot. I know about you, Tracy, that something was going on and it started that night in that whatever city. I remember thinking “what a weird gig” because why did they book you and Violet only? What? It’s not even a season 7 thing because if it were a season 7 thing, there would have been at least three of you. Like Pearl, or Max, or me. Maybe I should’ve been there. Maybe I should’ve been there, Trix.

                 I knew something happened because you stopped replying at some point and I knew that meant you found trade. But you didn’t tell me about it the next day so I thought that it might be something more serious. You usually keep it that to yourself, at the beginning, if you think it’s going to be something serious. So I waited for a few days, waiting for you to say you met someone. Do you know how many times you’ve told me “I’ve fucking found the fucking one!”? You didn’t, though.

                 So I knew something happened but I also know that it stopped happening, for a while, because everything was just kind of normal. But I look back on it sometimes because you never did tell me anything about it and I remembered staring at the bruises on your neck the whole time we hung out that day.

                 Then it started happening again, right? It was about a month later and it was happening again. I could tell because I ran the numbers over and over and over and over again in my head. A month later, here in LA, I know but it didn’t stop this time, right? Correct, Tracy? I was waiting, for you to tell me you found the one again. The reason you’re smiling and biting your lip while reading your phone again and why you don’t leave me five voicemails at a time anymore. And why you bring your guitar everywhere again. I was waiting for you to tell me.

You never lie to me Tracy, but I never asked. I never asked because I was… I don’t know, I felt like I didn’t have the right to? Because I was afraid? Of what? But I just knew that my insides were forming a riot. Why? I also don’t know. I’m full of questions today, as I always am, but usually I have a steady stream of answers. Not today, now I’m all questions and question marks are floating around me like I’m a confused comic book character—which I am. Back then, I didn’t know what I was confused about, and maybe I still don’t know, but at the same time, it was all coming together.

                 For the longest time, it didn’t click. Not even when it should have, not even when all the signs were pointing at this glowing marquee of the truth, not even when you weren’t really hiding it. Because you weren’t hiding it, you don’t lie to me, Tracy. It’s just that I never asked. So maybe it did all click before I realized, deep in the cavern of my subconscious, I was just that the echo of the click hasn’t reached me yet. Not even when I saw that picture of that—that—that—admittedly magnificent specimen of male genitalia attached to the equally magnificent Violet Chachki. I still didn’t realize it then!

                 It was that song, that song you’re writing, re-writing, practicing. It has a line there, something like “roses for mean reds, but violets don’t make me blue.” I heard you once, in your room or somewhere, and there’s the click. Though tell me Trix, isn’t that line a little too cheesy, Trixie, even for country?

                 Anyway, It clicked and then Violet, I realized you were with that… you and Violet were that—and then Manila! Manila… Manila was sick, I heard, she will miss a gig and Violet was there and I said I’d fill in. I volunteered. I knew that Violet would be there but that was not… I just wanted to have a little talk with her, though at that point I wasn’t sure if what I was thinking was right. I just needed—I needed to make sure. I was worried, Trix! So I offered my services.  I don’t even know if substituting is something we do, I don’t even know if I got paid—ask my manager. I just showed up and… The girls, they were darlings, weren’t they Violet? After we settled that whole conflict with the club they were just wonderful, right? Vi?

                 Katya looks at Violet who was standing there at his right and waits for him to agree, but Violet isn’t looking at him, he has his head hanging low, staring at his shoes. Katya turns to Trixie who is looking at him like she was waiting for him to say something. This confuses Katya, hasn’t he been talking this whole time? But then he realizes maybe he hasn’t been talking. Maybe it’s one of those things again, when he thinks he’s saying something but he isn’t. Sometimes in his head he’s dictating a clear narrative but what people hear is a whole convoluted, off-tangent version of what is in his head. Katya is sure he opened his mouth at some point, but he might’ve cut himself off—he isn’t sure when he stopped. He isn’t sure what he has said.

                 The room starts to spin but that’s something Katya’s used to. He exhales audibly and rubs the top of his head, trying to re-orient himself. Trixie is staring at him, an unreadable expression on her face because it’s really Trixie, not Brian, and she’s in full makeup. Katya is not in drag because he isn’t going to perform tonight. It’s not his gig, he recalls suddenly, as if it slipped his mind, it’s just Trixie and a bunch of other queens and they’re staring at him because he just barged in—he wanted to surprise Trixie.

                 Katya realizes he’s been opening his mouth again, babbling. This happens too, his mouth running before his brain even has a clue. He doesn’t know what he’s saying and he doesn’t know how long he’s been talking but Trixie is crying now, a heaving wail. Katya’s wracking his brain, trying to remember what he said. He couldn’t have said that much already. What did he say? What the hell did he say?

                 “I love you Katya, I’ve always loved you,” Trixie sobbed.

Katya still doesn’t know what’s going on (despite being the instigator of all of this) but he feels elated, ecstatic, euphoric, absolutely blissful. The words Trixie said are bells ringing in his ears. He wants to jump—he almost does—but then such things for him are followed by a certain dread. A sort of trembling horror begins exploding in his gut. His mind is simultaneously scanning his past and predicting a future following the thread of those words, of the fact that Trixie loves him. Alarms go off in his head. He needs to say something, but coherent thoughts elude him. He wants to say something so Trixie would stop being sad. But, he thinks, but love isn’t—it’s not—it doesn’t exist.

“How can it not be when I’m in love with you?” At this point Katya doesn’t know who spoke the words. He doesn’t know who the words were spoken to, who they are for. He wonders if it came from his own mouth. He looks around the room, trying to figure at least one thing out. He notices Violet again, still with his head down and arms crossed in front of him.

“…and for once, maybe,” Trixie still crying but not sobbing anymore, Katya missed another chunk of the conversation. She sounds desperate and tired, this gigantic almost 6’4” pink Barbie doll trembling lightly, “I felt like I was getting over that.”

This makes Violet raise his head. Katya watches Violet’s face and it dawns on him that it is as blank as his own. Violet isn’t dressed up and his name isn’t displayed outside. It’s that familiar click in his head, when Katya realizes that Violet had the same idea as him.

A dull throbbing at the starts at the back of Katya’s head and it’s blocking all the sounds. Katya starts talking again, but he doesn’t hear himself. His arms begin to feel heavy, like accessories that have been weighing him down for too long. His arms don’t work, he needs to set them aside. He wants to get out, he needs a fucking cigarette, but he can’t walk out on Trixie. Katya feels sorry. He’s sorry. He’s- he’s made Trixie cry. Trixie loves him. He’s sorry. He loves Trixie, too. Trixie is in love with him. He didn’t know—He’s sorry, he’s so sorry. He wants to redo it—he doesn’t know what. This conversation? This day? Their friendship? He’s sorry, he’s sorry. He’s so fucking sorry—

“Hey hey, Katya hey,” Trixie stops him, holding him firmly on the arms. Katya’s not sure if he can feel Trixie’s grip but it rattles him. He sees tear tracks on her face but she’s giving him a look of concern, “are you high?”

Katya doesn’t understand the question and makes a blubbering sound.

“Katya, are you high?” Trixie asks again, softer this time.

Katya nods slowly, only just realizing that he was. Tears begin to flood his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me Tracy?” Katya cries, suddenly remembering that he did take something earlier. Before leaving the house, before arriving at the club, before barging through the doors. Something hard—not weed—he can’t remember. His guilt doubles over. Everything is undoubtedly his fault.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry,” Trixie wraps her arms around Katya, stepping down from her heels to close the height gap. For some reason Trixie is the one apologizing and this makes Katya chuckle. It comes out as a strangled noise. “It’s okay now, it’s okay.”

“Why couldn’t you tell?” Katya asks again. Finally his arms work again and he clings onto Trixie. “Why didn’t you realize, Trixie?”

Katya knows it’s a stupid unfair question but it’s something that he can’t help asking. Trixie asks herself that question, too. Why didn’t she realize that Katya was high? At the same time, why didn’t Katya realize that Trixie was in love with her? Why didn’t they tell each other anything? Why didn’t they ask? How is it, that they’ve let themselves become idiots about each other, too?

These questions ran concurrent in each other’s minds, and upon realizing this, Trixie and Katya begin to laugh—pathetically, desperately—while still crying in each other’s arms.

Violet watches them and feels something that both Trixie and Katya actively prevent their friends from feeling when they’re together—like he’s an intruder. To witness Trixie and Katya in that moment is to feel no less of anything but an outsider. He clears his throat, not to call their attention (at that moment, nobody could dare to), but to swallow a lump that has been forming at the back of his mouth. He heads out the door.

Out in the hall he sees all the other drag queens lined up against the wall. They have been eavesdropping, obviously, he could tell when they jumped as soon as they saw him. He scowls at them.

“There’s nothing to see here, cunts,” he barks harshly, “nothing for you.” He is glaring as he walks past them, inviting their scorn.

It doesn’t seem to work, though, and he catches a glimpse of his heartbreak reflected in their eyes. It makes his stomach churn.

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Good afternoon guys!!! Ready for another episode of Cuba v DR? Amber finally has Fallon, and Omar tries to bond with his daughter. Meanwhile Rafael tries to take care of both Izzy and Roxie.

EPISODE 24

“Looks like we're finally at 10 centimeters,” she said gently and looked to you and Omar. “I'm going to go get the doctor and we can start pushing.”

“No thank you,” Amber said as she sucked on her ice chips. “I've been thinking and I'd like to opt out.”

“Of…?”

“Labor.”

“I don't think I understand…”

“I'm. Not. Having. This. Baby.”

You stroked her hair. “Amber you have to have the baby.”

“Oh fuck you, Barbie, you were a nightmare pregnant and everyone knows it.”

“Excuse me?”

Amber made a face, “Can this epidural go higher?” She glared at Omar. “This is your fault. Keep your cock away from me.”

“No problem,” he mumbled with an arched brow.

She shut her eyes and whimpered.

“I don't want to push.”

As the doctor walked in, he smiled. “Hello, I'm doctor Hansen and-”

“Does it look like I care?!” she shrieked at him.

He chuckled and looked at Omar, “Someone isn't doing their breathing exercises.”

“Told you so,” you smirked.

“Okay, so let’s get your feet up, if the two of you would hold them back for her, knees all the way up to your chest. And we’re gonna get you to push with the next contraction,” the doctor instructed, getting into position in front of Amber.

This time Amber looked to Omar with a complete mood shift. Her eyes filled with tears, absolute terror on her face.

“I can't do it.” She squeezed his hand tight and looked at him seriously, hoping for some kind of comfort or sign that he was here with her.

“Yeah, you can,” he answered, nodding his head.

“Okay, deep breath in...and push!” the doctor said.

She pushed as hard as she could, gripping her husband's hands as she let out a choked sob. She looked to Omar again.

“Okay, I can do this,” she whispered but looked to him for reassurance again as she tried to catch her breath before the next contraction. She pressed her forehead against his. “Tell me you love me,” she took another shaky breath.

“Get ready to push again,” the doctor said seriously.

“Stop freaking out and focus,” Omar said softly.

“I'm trying!” she snapped and shut her eyes as she pushed again, biting down on her lip so hard she was bleeding. “No more,” she shook her head. “I don't want to do it anymore.”

“A few more good pushes and she's out Mrs. Diaz.”

“Bro, you wanted this baby, it’s all you’ve been talking about for the last two years. Now, suck it up, find the woman who wouldn’t take anesthesia for head staples, and push!” Omar said sternly.

She pushed again, shutting her eyes tight.

“If you ever call me bro again-”

“Alright, there's the head,” the doctor said with a smile. “One more Amber, take a deep breath.”

“IF ONE MORE PERSON MENTIONS MY FUCKING BREATHING!”

“THEY’RE TRYING TO HELP!” Omar shouted back.

“Both of you!” you snapped and held her hand tighter.

She screamed and pushed again, as hard as she could.

“And there we go,” the doctor said with a soft smile as tiny wails filled the room. Amber laid back, exhausted as she closed her eyes dropping your and Omar's hands.

The nurse immediately put the baby in an incubator and wheeled her into the NICU for evaluation. Omar barely got a look at her, but from the brief glimpse he got, he could tell she was beautiful.

“Okay, we’re gonna up the pitocin now so we can get the placenta out, then tomorrow morning, you can go see your baby,” the doctor said, moving to raise the pitocin dose.

Amber didn't bother verbally answering, just nodded, eyes closed. “Is my baby okay?”

“She's getting evaluated right as we speak, because she's only 33 weeks we’ll need to keep her for a couple of weeks. But once she's done being evaluated, you're both welcome to see her,” the nurse said to you and Omar.

“Do not touch my baby before me,” Amber hissed to you and you chuckled.

“Wouldn't dream of it.”

“But check on her when they let you? One of you?”

“Of course.”

Amber nodded and sighed in relief.

Rafael's phone buzzed and he jerked as the feeling woke him up. There was no way he would be getting any sleep tonight.

Baby's here, and alive. Being evaluated for complications now.

He sighed and texted back quickly.

Okay.

Letting his head lean back against the seat again, he closed his eyes.

“This is Mowgli,” he could faintly hear Roxie's voice from the living room. “He’ll be your big brother.”

Smirking a little with his eyes still closed, he tried to get comfortable in the chair again.

“Rafi,” Izzy whimpered, and he groaned, sitting up to look at her.

“Yeah?”

“Rafi it's cold,” she was shaking, making a face as she tossed and turned in the covers. “Cold.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, getting up to go into the hallway and get a blanket from the hall closet. Bringing it back, he covered her with it. “Is that better?” he asked.

She shook her head, still whimpering as she gagged, stomach ready to throw up again. Sighing softly, he helped her up and took her to the bathroom. He sat down beside her, leaning back against the tub.

“You never do this again. Not ever. This...getting drunk, getting high. You will not do this ever again,” he said softly.

She puked into the toilet again, coughing and trying to breathe as she nodded.

“Never,” she promised in a whisper.

“Okay,” he replied, waiting until she finished puking before he helped her back to bed, asking her to drink some more water before he tucked her in again.

“I love you,” she mumbled and fell asleep.

Roxie shuffled in and smiled, sitting in the chair with Rafael, moving his hands to her stomach. He snuggled up to her, resting his head against her collarbone.

“What are you doing up?” he asked softly, gently rubbing her stomach.

“Restless,” she whispered and leaned back against him, smiling. “The baby wants to stay up and see the world.”

“The baby doesn’t have eyes yet, mi amor,” he mumbled sleepily. “Papi’s gonna be absolutely useless in court tomorrow,” he added inside a yawn.

“Then mummy is going to have to make him a strong cup of coffee,” she whispered with a smile. “Lay down, get some sleep. I'm going to watch Izzy now. No arguments or I will eat sushi and wine for the next 8 months.”

“The hell you will,” he murmured with a smirk, picking his head up to kiss her. “Are you sure?” he asked, still rubbing circles on her stomach.

“Yes I'm positive, I don't work tomorrow so I can sleep the whole day if I want to.” She stroked his hair. “Go to bed love,” she kissed him with a smile.

“Okay,” he mumbled against her mouth, kissing her again and playfully spanking her bottom until she got up off his lap, allowing him to stand. “I’ll see you in a few hours,” he said, bending to place a firm, loving kiss against her belly before he went into their bedroom.

She sat in the chair and rubbed her belly with a sigh and a smile. “He works too hard,” she whispered to the baby. “The entire world is always on his shoulders.”

“Come on, just come see her with me,” you pleaded. “They won't let me into the room without at least one of the parents. I'm bored, I wanna see the little monster and your wife is out cold.” You linked your arm with Omar and grinned at him.

“She said no, she wants to be the first one to hold her,” Omar replied, planting his feet.

You tried to pull him along, but the man was a 6’4”, 220lb solid rock, unmoving.

“She said she didn't want me to hold the baby. I won't, I'll watch you hold the baby, and I'll touch it, that's all.”

“You’re playing with fire,” he warned, smirking a little. “Besides they said a week before we can go see her. Weren’t you paying attention to the doctor?”

“Yes, but clearly you weren't,” you laughed. “They're keeping her here for a week. But you can see her as soon as you get the okay from-”

The doctor walked back in, “Well Mr. Diaz you're both very lucky. Fallon is in good condition, she's not showing signs of much breathing distress or any kind of jaundice that we see in babies her age. We will keep her in the incubator for most of the next day or so, but she's safe to hold, in fact it's recommended. She will need a feeding tube for a few weeks until she learns how to properly feed, but she's very healthy for a baby born so early.”

“Okay,” Omar replied, beginning to walk towards the NICU before he turned around to cut you off, pointing a finger at you. “You stay here.”

“No, no, no, come on, let me hold her. I won't tell Amber. Omar, bros before hoes.”

“No,” he replied, turning and walking towards the NICU.

When he arrived inside, the nurse smiled.

“Mr. Diaz,” she said gently, gesturing him over to a tiny incubator.

He nodded and moved over to the incubator, looking down at the little sleeping baby and smirking softly.

“She's tiny in length but she makes up for it in weight, she's almost five pounds. Would you like to hold her? Skin to skin contact is very good for them, as long as you’ve wash your hands first. Her immune system isn't developed yet.”

“I washed em out there already,” he answered, pointing to the entryway behind him. “The sign said to wash them before I came in,” he added.

“Perfect, just double checking,” she smiled and picked up Fallon. “Hi gorgeous,” she cooed and held the baby out to Omar. Fallon was definitely tiny in size, able to fit in Omar’s palm with ease.

Holding the baby, he looked at the nurse expectantly.

“You mind?” he asked in a monotone voice.

“Not at all,” she smiled and waited for him to sit in one of the rocking chairs before pulling the curtain closed around him, leaving him and the baby alone.

He sat there in silence, watching the baby sleep and squirm slightly in his arms, as if trying to get comfortable. She was beautiful, but despite the attachment he already felt for her, he wasn’t sure how to feel, especially since Amber was now considering adoption...again.

Fallon opened her eyes, little dark eyes staring at nothing in particular as her mouth opened and closed. Her toes twitched and hands moved to her face.

“Yeah, I know how you feel,” he said to the little baby.

Her fingers clasped around his much larger one when he put it in her hand, she had a pretty strong grip. Face scrunching up as she made a fussing noise.

“You’re fine,” he said. “Smells like shitty diaper in here, though, huh? You're neighbor’s got no fucking class.”

She yawned, the little yawn taking up her entire face.

“Okay, so go back to sleep,” he said. “Since I’m boring you so much.”

His attempt at a joke even came out in a monotone. Not even he recognized himself anymore.

“Pretty sure your mom got like seven stitches in her crotch, nice work,” he said softly, the last words acting as an attempt at sarcasm. “Can’t wait to hear her complain about that.”

The baby stared up at him, stretching her arms out above her head and settling back into his hand, blinking. Her lips quirked.

“That’s funny?” he asked, his voice still flat. “Maybe for you, you’re not the one that’s gotta listen to it...then again, maybe you do. You’ve been listening to it for the last eight months, right?”

Her lips quirked again, lips parting.

“By the way, there’s a crazy lady here that wants to touch your nose. Pretty sure that’s code for kidnapping, so don’t worry. I won’t let her near you.”

She sneezed, eyes going wide and filling with tears as if it had scared her.

“Bless you.”

The next morning, Rafael dressed slowly and went out into the kitchen, yawning as he moved towards the coffee pot.

Roxie smiled, already up as she poured him some coffee. “Good morning love,” she smiled.

“Morning, I’m not sure it’s necessarily good,” he replied with a smirk, kissing her and rubbing her belly. “How’s patient zero?” he asked, looking towards the guest room.

“Breathing,” she smiled softly and set a plate with fruit and a croissant. “Today is going to be great, you're going to win your case and come home and nap with us.”

“From your mouth, to God’s ears,” he replied, bringing his breakfast to the table. “The trial starts today, I’m not sure how long it’ll last, but I should be home by about 5:30.”

“Then we’ll be waiting here. I'm going to get some rest and then balance the books and finish payroll.”

“That sounds amazing,” he said. “By the way, Amber had her baby last night.”

“What? Oh my god! We have to go see her! The baby's here!” She squealed excitedly then frowned. “Oh no, I was so excited for her diaper party.”

“You can still have it,” he replied softly, eating the croissant she’d given him. “We’ll go once she gets home, she probably needs the rest before everybody under the sun is wanting to see the baby. Plus, I would really be happy if you stayed home and slept like you said you would today.”

“Alright,” she sighed dramatically and smiled at him. “Let's go to bed, baby,” she patted her belly and kissed Rafael deeply, hugging him tight.

He kissed her back, moving to place another firm kiss on her stomach.

“Sweet dreams, little one.”

She moved to the bedroom and laid down to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Izzy shuffled out of the room looking rough. She moved to the sink, filling it with water and sticking her head in.

“Good morning to you too,” Rafael mumbled, taking a sip of coffee as he opened the paper Roxie had left on the table.

“I think I'm dying,” she said when she came up from beneath the water.

“You’re just hungover, Iz. Have some coffee,” he replied, eyes still reading the paper.

She grabbed a cup of coffee and sipped it, looking down at the table. “I'm thinking of going back to school…” she said softly.

“That’s great,” he replied. “Though, I didn’t know you’d quit in the first place. But I’m glad you’re considering going back.”

“I mean a real school, maybe get some kind of degree,” she shrugged before standing. “I gotta go, I'll be back later…”

“Where are you going?” he asked softly.

“I have an appointment with Dr. Lindstrom,” she said nervously.

“Oh good,” he answered. “I’m proud of you, Izzy. I have court today, but Roxie’s off so she’ll be here when you get home.”

She nodded and moved over to him, hugging him tight, “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” he replied. “Be safe okay?”

She nodded and headed out for her day.

“I haven't gotten to see her yet, I'm waiting for her stupid mom to wake up,” you whined. “And Omars been in the NICU all night so I'm alone and bored. How are the kids?”

“Fine, they just left for school,” Nevada answered. “Why don’t you let her sleep? We can go back later.”

You frowned, “I wanna touch her nose,” you said, referring to Fallon. This wasn't news to Nevada. You'd been obsessed with Lily's nose too. Tiny little button noses were your favorite thing and you loved pressing your own nose against them.

“It’ll still be there later. It’s not going anywhere,” he replied with a smirk.

“Okay, can you come pick me up? I'm too tired to drive, I'm worried I'll fall asleep at the wheel.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” he answered.

By the time Nevada got to the hospital, you were ready to fall asleep where you stood. Getting into the SUV, you yawned deeply, letting your weary head rest back against the headrest.

“So who does the baby look like?” Nevada asked.

“I only caught a glimpse of her, Omar won't let me in the NICU. But she's pink and tiny. Super tiny. You know how small NJ was? Even smaller than that.”

“I bet, she’s pretty damn early,” he replied. “How’s Amber doing?”

“Unconscious, Jesus during labor Omar said maybe four words to her.” you said softly, kissing his cheek. “Thank you for not being an asshole during my labor.”

“Maybe he was tired,” Nevada replied, shrugging one shoulder. “You know, no es por nada pero, all you women wanna ever do is talk...during everything, and sometimes we don’t feel like talking. You expect us to baby you all the time, and if we don’t, suddenly we’re the assholes. It can get pretty exhausting. I love you, pero coño bro, sometimes silence is fuckin golden.”

You smirked and said nothing, moving your attention to your phone as you checked your messages, grinning at a few of them and turning on the radio.

When you got back to the house, he followed you into the kitchen and went to make Cuban coffee for the two of you.

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked. “There’s leftover waffles from this morning.”

“Nah, I'm actually supposed to go to lunch with a new teacher but I'm exhausted,” you yawned and smiled at him, kissing his cheek and chugging your coffee before standing. “Do you need anything before I go to bed? Food? Wanna have sex? Laundry?”

“No, I don’t need anything,” he answered, shaking his head. “Izzy called, she wants me to meet up with her after her appointment at Lindstrom's. You want me to bring anything home?” he asked.

“Some dick?” you said thoughtfully, then nodded in confirmation. “Good dick. I know you know where to find it...so.” You stretched and took his coffee out of his hands, drinking it. “Thank you, I love you.”

“Love you too...and sorry, fresh out of good dick,” he called out with a smirk as he left.

“Alrighty and here we are,” the nurse said as she wheeled Amber into the NICU, over to Omar who had only let go of Fallon when it was required for the entire night. She'd barely left his hands.

Amber smiled a bit when she saw the baby. She looked at Fallon and bit her lip with a grin.

“Hi there gorgeous,” she whispered. She held her hands out, waiting for Omar to give her the baby.

He handed the baby over silently, leaning back in his seat and resting his cheek against his loose fist.

She looked down at the infant and smiled.

“Hi Fallon,” she said softly. It was a cute baby, tiny little nose with chubby cheeks and full pouty lips.

Her hair was light brown, soft tufts of it on top of her head. Amber liked the baby, but she didn't feel the love you described for your kids. She didn't feel connected to her. She kissed the baby's head and smiled before passing her back to Omar.

“Cute,” she said with a grin. “How did the doctors say she was doing?”

“Fine,” he answered. “They’re gonna keep her here for a couple weeks, till she gains some more weight. We can still come and see her though, even after you’re discharged.”

She nodded and smiled at the baby. “You don't look like either of us,” she cooed to the baby. “You're better looking.” As she stroked the baby's cheek, the baby's eyes opened, looking right at Omar. She loved to look at her daddy. Little hands stretching above her head as she yawned.

“Wasn’t me, it was her,” Omar said to Fallon, pointing to Amber.

“Oh great, you two are already ganging up on me,” she rolled her eyes with a smirk. “People are going to want to see you very soon,” she whispered to the baby. “So you gotta put on a game face. Your papi can't hog you forever.”

At this, the baby's bottom lip trembled, face scrunched up as the tiniest crying filled the room.

“I guess she wants you to hog her forever,” Amber said with a laugh, stroking the baby's cheek gently.

“I don’t want everybody and their mother coming in and out of here,” Omar said. “They can see her when she’s discharged.”

“Well maybe not everybody and their mother, but can we each pick a person to come see the baby? Just one person. That won't be too much.”

Fallon cried in Omar's arms, little body turning red at the effort of her wailing.

“She’s not strong enough yet to be passed around, even with just two people. They can see her when she’s discharged from NICU,” he replied. “You wanna hold her for a minute? I gotta take a piss.”

“Sure…” She took the baby, rocking it like she was supposed to and frowning when the crying didn't stop. “What's up? Are you hungry? I don't think you can feed yet…” She rocked the baby and smiled. “You are pretty fucking cute.”

Fallon just stared up at her, bottom lip quivering slightly as she waited for the woman to do something or say something else.

Amber rocked her and hushed her.

“You know my mom got me a wet nurse when I was your age? She couldn't even be bothered to feed me herself,” she snorted a laugh and hugged the baby close. “You are so beautiful and you are going to be so much more than me or your papi ever could be. We're doing everything in our power to make sure that your life is happy and full of joy. We love you so much.”

She rocked the baby and closed her eyes.

“I'm going to love you more and more everyday Fallon. You are my little miracle,” she smiled down at the baby and she finally felt it. The love you were always describing.