#that will probably prolong the Bakugou Agenda

[izukukuzi]

Todo and deku will have awesome combos on the movie,and please just make bakugou not a little shit the whole movie.

just delete all of bakugou from the entire production. it's the only solution

[stardustryewriting]

A Learning Process (5)

AO3: here

Part 1 2 3��4

Solitary Learning

The first thing on Bakugou’s agenda should be to find out if Kirishima even liked guys. And since he didn’t have an agenda, he wouldn’t bother to find out. Even if did catch some stupid, warm, fuzzy, cozy feelings, that didn’t mean he would indulge them. They were only in the way, in his way, to become the number one hero. And he didn’t need any more path blockers.

And even if he thought about indulging them - which he didn’t, never, not even for a split second - that wouldn’t mean it led him to anything. Because the one thing no one could guarantee was if Kirishima even liked guys like that.

Bakugou had been friends with Kirishima since the sports festival, when that stupid, optimistic, sunshine-smile idiot insisted on forming a team with him, and Kirishima never said anything about liking anyone. Maybe he, like Bakugou himself, was determined to not get sidetracked by something as trivial as feelings. Or maybe, none of the girls were interesting to him. Or maybe, even if he was into guys, he was into another type of guys.

The possibilities were near endless. Bakugou decided not to dwell on it. 

So, he did the logical thing and avoided Kirishima at all costs. Not because he didn’t know how to deal with his feelings (he didn’t, but that wasn’t the point), but because every time he saw Kirishima, the idiot was trying to get him to talk about what bothers him. And that was the one thing Bakugou was currently trying to forget. 

He wasn’t even really avoiding Kirishima, he was just avoiding being alone with Kirishima, because as soon as at least one other friend of theirs was present, Kirishima suddenly didn’t have an urge to talk about feelings anymore. So Bakugou had been more social in the past week, than he ever had been in his life. 

Unfortunately, it led him to where he was now. Which was the common room, on a Friday night, sitting around the TV with what Kaminari had called the Bakusquad. He immediately took the name back, when Bakugou glared daggers at him, but the others had heard, so the damage was done. Also, since when was Jirou a part of their squad? (Bakugou would deny to his dying day, that there was a ‘squad’). 

Even worse, Mina had picked out the movie, because apparently it was her turn - and he couldn’t help but silently agree with Kaminari and Sero that there never had been ‘turns’ - so they were stuck watching some romance movie. Which proved that life was just a joke at his expense, really. Also, Mina ignored most of the movie in favor of making ‘girls talk’ (read: talking about boys) with Jirou, which didn’t even really work because Jirou was a lesbian. 

The only thing keeping Bakugou from running away was the certainty that Kirishima would be on his heels. And then, he’d have to talk.

“If Aizawa were our age, I’d go for it”, Mina said, completely unprompted to an entirely disinterested Jirou and Bakugou was about to tell her how much he doesn’t care, but Kirishima was faster. Bakugou almost suffered a heart attack.

“Yeah, me too.”

That was a whole lot of information Bakugou had to unpack. So much information, in fact, that he completely forgot to snap at Mina for starting that conversation. Me too? What did he mean Me too? Did he find a guy objectively attractive? Would he have phrased it like that, if it were objective? Who even found Aizawa of all people attractive?

He felt his head swimming, the gears turning and his thoughts going into overdrive. No matter how you looked at it, Kirishima just admitted to liking guys. He just turned Bakugou’s entire assessment about his feelings not mattering on its head by saying three simple words. Yeah, me too never felt like such a slap to his face. He loathed how easy it was to catch him off-guard these days. 

“Dude what?”, Kaminari exclaimed, sounding like he was caught off guard, too. To be fair, he probably was. Bakugou certainly wasn’t expecting any of them to come out of the closet that night and neither were the others, if their shocked expressions and silent stares at Kirishima were anything to go by.

“Yeah”, Kirishima said, raising one hand to the back of his head and started rubbing, a gesture Bakugou knew meant he was nervous, “I always liked guys. I was a bit nervous to tell you, but since Midoriya and Todoroki came out and all of you took it so well, I guess it doesn’t matter. So yeah, I’m gay.”

“Congrats”, Jirou said, without a moment's hesitation and then raised her glass as if she wanted to toast. That broke the ice quite well, as both Mina and Kaminari also quickly assured Kirishima that being gay changed nothing but Mina’s plans of shipping. Which wasn’t anything of value.

“Great bro, just don’t hit on me”, Sero joked, obviously surprised and at a loss for words. Not as much as Bakugou tho.

“He’s gay, not desperate”, Jirou shot back immediately, before Kirishima even had the chance to open his mouth. If Bakugou were in a better state of mind, he would have officially accepted her as part of his non-existent squad, just for that comment. But he wasn’t.  

Because Kirishima was gay. He liked guys. Suddenly what could happen if Bakugou revealed his feelings wasn’t so hypothetical anymore. He could stand a chance at having something real with Kirishima. Something that would feel warm, and safe and welcoming, if he were to believe Todoroki. He could hold hands, and kiss Kirishima. They could share a bed, so Kirishima would be the last one he saw at night and the first one he saw in the morning. Scary thought.

Scary, because Bakugou could feel it growing on him. Like some tumor he never asked for, and that his body mistook for something pleasant instead of something to cut off. Extra dead weight, that could get very dangerous, very quickly. He needed to get rid of it. Get rid of it soon. 

Before it became his undoing.

“Bakugou?” Kaminari called from his side, but it sounded like a question. Only then did Bakugou realize that he spaced out, and he was the only one who hasn’t yet said anything about Kirishima’s recent reveal. Because he was too busy thinking about it, which none of the idiots was allowed to find out. 

“Yeah, congrats”, he mumbled absentmindedly, trying to figure out the fastest way to get out of this situation. He didn’t trust himself staying there any longer than needed. “Gotta go, this whole thing is stupid.”

Definitely not the smartest thing he could have said, not by a landslide. He saw hurt flicker across Kirishima’s eyes for barely a second and he felt himself internally cringing, at his absolute inability to choose words wisely. He stopped himself from physically cringing and hoped he hadn’t done irreparable damage.

“Yeah, this kind of movie isn't your thing”, Kirishima said distractedly and Bakugou quickly agreed if only to save face. Better blame the movie than let them think he was rushing away because he was uncomfortable with gay people. Or worse, let them find out what really was so uncomfortable about Kirishima’s specific coming out. 

So he walked away, after Kirishima offered him an out. And if he walked a bit faster than usual, that was no one’s business.

__________________

“That was weird”, Kaminari commented after Bakugou’s too swift retreat. Kirishima brushed him off, not wanting to talk about it. He never stood a chance anyway, so it shouldn’t matter what Bakugou thought of him being gay. He purposefully ignored the look Jirou was sending him, in favor of concentrating on the movie. Even though it was a bad movie. 

“Yeah”, Jirou agreed loudly, possibly to force a reaction out of Kirishima, “I thought we got rid of the last homophobe when Mineta was expelled.” Kirishima knew for a fact that Jirou prolonged her coming out until after Mineta was gone. He couldn’t help being relieved himself.

“He isn’t homophobic. He probably just needs time to process”, he heard himself defending Bakugou, though his heart wasn’t in it. Maybe that was his actual problem with spending time with Midoriya and Todoroki. Maybe Bakugou knew about Midoriya’s preferred gender long before any of them did, and that was his reason for his violent behaviour.

Kirishima hated the thought, but it was a possibility. 

“Process what? There isn’t anything to process. He’s making a big deal out of nothing”, Jirou protested immediately and Mina agreed with her via a firm nod. Kirishima didn’t know how long he could still defend Bakugou. He wasn’t even sure there was something to defend anymore. 

“Cut him some slack! His best friend coming out so unexpectedly might have caught him off guard. We all know how much he hates that”, Kaminari joined in and Jirou grumbled in disgruntled agreement. Normal conversation rules barely applied to Bakugou, even under normal circumstances. 

Still, when the ruckus calmed down somewhat and Kirishima was alone with his thoughts again - movie fading into a background noise no matter how much he tried to concentrate on it - he couldn’t help but think. What if he really ruined his friendship with Bakugou by coming out? What if Bakugou did hate the thought of him with another guy?

He shot Bakugou a text before he could think better of it. He really wished he would have thought about it before. 

hey i hope my confession hasn’t changed anything  you know, you’re not disgusted or anything

He wanted to hit himself. How stupid could he possibly be? Who sent that kind of text to someone who just fled the scene? An idiot, only an idiot could do something like that. Kirishima put the phone face-down under his thigh on the couch and deliberately ignored it, even when it vibrated two times. No one even said it was Bakugou’s answer, but Kirishima wouldn’t look at it. 

Because if Bakugou confirmed that, yes, in fact he was disgusted by Kirishima, he wouldn’t know what he’d do. Probably break down right there, on a couch in the middle of the common room, surrounded by his friends. He refused to stoop that low. 

So, after the movie was over, he made a show of not hurrying to his room. Instead he helped clear away their snacks, cleaned the dishes they were served in and even listened to Kaminari’s dumb take on the ending. Only after all this did he excuse himself, to make his way upstairs. He tip-toed past Bakugou’s room, to not upset him any further, should his response actually be negative.

In his room, he took his time changing into his pyjamas and sorting his clothes of the day into the dirty clothes pile or onto the chair, if they were good for one more day. Then, he decided, he would get out his homework for the next week and sort it into a pile in a way that the most urgent ones were the first ones he would grab the next morning. He intentionally ignored his sweaty palms and his steadily louder beating heart throughout it all. 

Only when there was nothing else to do - and he double-checked that there was nothing else he could possibly do - did he get his phone from his nightstand. He saw his hands shaking more than he felt them and in any other situation, he would have laughed. Who got this worked up over a text? But currently he felt more like throwing up than laughing, so he didn’t. 

Of course not. Do I look like Mineta to you Shitty Hair? It was unexpected is all

Kirishima couldn’t help the light feeling washing over him. Like a weight dropping off his shoulders. He did actually laugh a little at that. So what if he still didn’t stand a chance with Bakugou? At least he wasn’t hated.

__________________

Bakugou was looking over the city, which was far below him at this point. He took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air and closed his eyes for a second to bask in the early spring sun. He heard the ground scrunch beneath his feet with every little movement he made. What a satisfying sound. It was barely lunch, but he was already near the top and it made a sense of accomplishment wash over him. 

Mountain climbing has always been his best stress relief. 

Even now, it proved worthy of the time he spent arguing with All Might about a last minute permission slip to go out that morning. All Might was just too curious for his own good. But Bakugou got his permission and he’d wasted no time in getting out of the school and onto the first bus driving in the right direction. 

He missed mountain climbing. There was no better way to clear your head and get your shit in order than climbing the highest mountain in vicinity and worrying about nothing but arriving on the top. The top, where he could scream about his problems from the top of his lungs and no one would hear him. Finally a good way to get rid of his pent-up aggression. Reaching the top was also like a mini-training session, which was never a bad thing. 

It was also the perfect way to think about stuff, without being interrupted. ‘Stuff’ was of course referring to his feelings for Kirishima. Feelings, which might just amount to anything, now that Bakugou knew Kirishima liked guys. He tried not to linger on that for too long. Even if Kirishima liked guys, and Bakugou did fit his description of a manly guy, there was still a problem.

He wasn’t the kind of guy you wanted to introduce to your parents. He was loud and explosive - both figuratively and literally. He had a too thin patience and virtually no people skills. Those were the reasons he had failed his provisional licence exam, the first time around. All in all, Bakugou wasn’t the kind of guy someone would proudly call their boyfriend. Or anything beyond that, really. He wasn’t even sure people proudly called him a friend.

He never cared before, he shouldn’t care now. Except he did. And he didn’t. Because thinking about whether or not Kirishima would call him his boyfriend, proudly or not, was obsolete anyways. He would never even let it get that far. 

If Kirishima actually returned his feelings - and that was the unlikely version - he still wouldn’t do anything, because there wasn’t a point in doing anything. If it went well and they started dating, Kirishima would stop at Bakugou’s boundaries for physical touch. Or at his absolute inability to voice anything but anger in the feelings departement. Or at the fact that apparently it takes two business weeks for Bakugou to figure out what the weird feeling in his chest is. Eventually, Bakugou’s shortcomings would be the death of any potential relationship he could have with Kirishima.

On the other hand, if his feelings weren’t returned - which was more likely, considering his previous reasons not to date him - the only thing he would accomplish by confessing would be absolutely wrecking one of the best friendships he’s had in years. He wasn’t about to do that. So it was doing nothing and waiting out his feelings. They couldn’t last forever, could they?

Bakugou hated the waiting out tactic. He wasn’t patient enough for it, not by a mile. But Aizawa always told him to work on his weaknesses and he was nothing, if not a good student. Not necessarily in the traditional sense, but still. He was third place in the mid-term exams and always high-ranking - if not first - in the hero exams. Which he wouldn’t be, if he couldn’t apply criticism to his training routine. He would just view this as a big training exercise. He could do that. 

When he finally reached the top, he let his back-pack fall to the ground. He took a second to gather his thoughts and refocus on the main reason he went there. Screaming out his anger and frustration until nothing was left. Then he walked to the edge slowly, looking over what lay beneath him once again. 

It wasn’t a very big mountain, so he could still see the city and everything else fairly well. Still, he was sure no one would hear him, because he was alone and sound didn’t travel that well into the city. Even if it did, U.A. lay at the completely opposite side that he was currently facing. Bakugou took a deep breath, gathered his thoughts and then screamed out what had been plaguing him for two weeks:

“Stupid fucking hair, stupid fucking smile! Stupid Shitty Hair worrying about me, like a damn saint. IDIOT always staring at me and being so fucking considerate and saying stuff so flirtingly. I FUCKING HATE LIKING MY BEST FRIEND!”

He felt lighter somehow. He let himself fall flat on his back after he was done, staring up at the sky like he hadn’t in a while. The position of the sun let him assume it was around lunch time and a quick glance at his phone confirmed that. It also showed him a missed call from Kirishima, undoubtedly to ask if he felt alright. 

He got up, screamed some more unintelligible things at the void and ignored the call. Then, he went to his backpack and took out the lunch he made himself. 

__________________

Kirishima didn’t even try to resist the urge to check his phone again. He had taken the entire night to work up the courage to finally confront Bakugou about all of his weird behaviour, only for his plans to be blown off again. When he had eventually encouraged himself enough to go knock at Bakugou’s door that morning, determined not to leave until he got his answers, he got nothing instead. 

Nothing but freezing feet, because he stood in front of that door for a while, thinking that Bakugou willingly ignored him. If Midoriya hadn’t come by to tell him that Bakugou got permission from All Might to go out, he’d probably still stand there. Like the idiot he was.

So, he tried calling and reached deaf ears. He only called once to not appear too desperate. He didn’t want Bakugou to think he was dependent on him or something along those lines. He figured Bakugou would call back, eventually, at least to yell at him to not annoy him, when he deliberately wanted to spend time on his own. He got nothing instead. 

No call, no text, no sign that Bakugou still wanted something to do with him. 

“You’re looking awfully down”, Kaminari said, sliding in the chair next to him, propping his head on one hand and his hand on the table to look at him, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing big”, Kirishima sighed, truthfully, because Bakugou wasn’t ignoring him for the first time. It wasn’t even really a rare occurrence. Bakugou wasn’t a people-person, not by a long shot, he usually prefered his quiet and spending time away from people. He actually sought out alone-time, like Kirishima sought out time to spend with other people. They were polar opposites in that regard.

Normally, it didn’t bother Kirishima. He found it weird at first, but Todoroki - who shared Bakugou’s fondness of alone-time - tried to explain once that it was like the battery of a phone. His ability to be around people charged when he was alone and it depleted when he spent time with people. Once it was fully depleted it would need to charge again. Kirishima never got confirmation, but he always assumed it worked similarly for Bakugou. But usually, Bakugou wasn’t mad at him, when he kept away.

“Bakugou’s gone out without telling anybody”, Kaminari guessed, even though it wasn’t phrased as a question and Kirishima could only nod in response. Kaminari raised one of his eyebrows at him, but whatever he wanted to say was rudely interrupted by Jirou, who yelled over the back of the couch. 

“Fuck him!” She was immediately chided by Iida for her choice of words, but Mina enthusiastically agreed with her anyway. Iida tried to make a compromise - they could be mad at Bakugou, but they should still use appropriate language - and Yaoyorozu backed him. Jirou agreed that her choice of words was harsh after that - Kaminari waggled his eyebrows at Kirishima and he couldn’t help but snicker, because of course Jirou would agree with Yaoyorozu. Still, Mina was onto him now.   

“Is it about Bakugou?”, she inquired in a sickly-sweet voice, that made Kaminari fake-gag. He got a slap on the back of his head for that, at which Jirou chuckled in the background. Good to know she was still paying attention. As was probably everyone else in the common room, Kirishima was aware. This could end bad. 

“Not really, I just wanted to know whether he was okay. But he seems to be”, ignoring me was the way this sentence would end, if he were realistic and honest, “distracted.” Which wasn’t a lie, not really, because if Bakugou wanted to ignore him, he would distract himself. He still felt slightly bad about saying it like that. 

“Is there something we can do about that?”, Mina asked, now sounding like she honestly wanted to help him. That was worse, way worse, because Kirishima wasn’t even a hundred percent honest with her. 

“Fuck him?”, Kaminari suggested playfully, big idiotic-smile across his face, waggling his eyebrows first at Kirishima, suggestively and then at Jirou mockingly. Kirishima tried not to choke on his spit, while trying to come up with a good comeback. Jirou flipped him the bird behind Yaoyorozu’s head. Iida saw it anyway and turned it into a completely new lecture. A very loud lecture. At least the others couldn’t overhear them easily anymore.

“I was thinking about comfort ice-cream!”, Mina declared and Kirishima had never been happier about a change of topics before, “With strawberries and chocolate sauce.”

With that she marched right into the kitchen, closely followed by Kaminari, who wouldn’t say no to ice-cream, even if he were laying on his deathbed. Kirishima had half the mind to go with them, but he trusted Mina with making big ice-cream bowls for all of them. Instead he checked his phone again. He didn’t count how often he’d been doing it, ever since he first called, but the result remained the same. No new messages from Bakugou.

Mina and Kaminari came back a few minutes later with delicious looking ice-cream bowls in hand and deep in a discussion about whether the Avengers or the Justice League would win a fight. Kirishima took the ice-cream gratefully and joined effortlessly into the discussion, making a case for Tony Stark’s superior intellect, which Kaminari immediately countered (“Superman is literally ‘Out of this World’, no way some brain cells counter that.”). The discussion went on for longer than it had any right to, but it served its purpose. While arguing passionately in favor of Iron Man, he forgot to check his phone.  

__________________

In hindsight, ignoring the call might have not been the best thing he could have done. Bakugou knew this, the moment he stepped through the front door, because Jirou - who was braiding Yaoyorozu’s hair on the common room couch, for some reason - immediately regarded him with a stink eye. So, she still thought he was homophobic, which was great. (Not really.)

Yaoyorozu, at least, was more civil and instead of sending him weird looks, that he couldn’t properly interpret anyways, she just informed him that Kirishima had been looking for him. Something Bakugou already knew, by virtue of the still unanswered call his phone showed him everytime he checked the time that day. But he didn’t feel like arguing, so he just went past them, to the elevator to get to his room. 

Bakugou felt all of his irritation - that he spent the majority of the day working off - rushing back, when the elevator doors opened and he came face to face with Kirishima. Someone must have been playing a joke at his expense. Kirishima, for his part, looked as surprised as Bakugou was about their encounter, so at least he hadn’t been stalking him. It was only a small consolation. 

As soon as Bakugou side-stepped to let Kirishima out, the other shook his head firmly and Bakugou knew, there was no way out of this. Kirishima finally had him cornered. He played briefly with the thought of getting off at another level and acting like he wanted something from one of their classmates, but he knew it was futile. The only two he was certain weren’t in the common room right that moment were Deku and Todoroki. He certainly wasn’t about to interrupt Deku and Todoroki. 

“I think we should talk”, Kirishima said, seriously, after Bakugou had stepped in and the elevator doors had closed. Smart, he knew very well Bakugou wouldn’t have taken the elevator with him, if he had said so before. It really added to feeling trapped, too. He wouldn’t tell Kirishima that.

“You think?”, Bakugou questioned, deciding that since avoidance was out of question - Kirishima smartly made sure of that - he would power through instead. How long could he play dumb, before Kirishima became frustrated with him? He was willing to find out. 

“Yes, I think”, Kirishima replied firmly, straightening his back, while he was watching the numbers tick by. They were almost at their level, Bakugou knew, because he too watched the numbers, to avoid having to look at Kirishima for just a moment longer. It was futile, he knew, eventually they would arrive and then he’d have to justify himself, for all of his weird behaviour. He tried not to think about it too much.

When they arrived too soon, Kirishima made sure Bakugou got out of the elevator first and then he was hot on his heels, until Bakugou opened his door and let Kirishima in. They fell back into their old pattern, Bakugou sitting on his back and Kirishima in his desk chair, idly swinging himself from side to side with one foot. Bakugou felt the deja-vu and he’d bask in it, except last time they were in his room like that, it didn’t end well.

He doubted it would work out better this time. 

Kirishima hummed, looking around Bakugou’s room, over the All Might poster that had been hanging on his walls since the day he moved in. He remembered how Kirishima had teased him for them, briefly, before admitting to having a secret Crimson Riot poster in his dorm, when Bakugou became irritated with him. He briefly wondered if Kirishima remembered that day, too, whenever he looked at Bakugou’s posters. It was an easier time. 

“You know”, Kirishima said, slowly and quietly, like he didn’t want to disturb their current peace, “I always thought it was cool that you strived so high. Wanting to be like All Might is something, really. You remember how embarrassed you’d been when I first saw that?” He pointed at the very same poster Bakugou had been thinking about, a vague smile on his lips, like it wasn’t sure it belonged there. 

“You almost raised hell”, Kirishima continued, without offering Bakugou a chance to answer, “But when I told you, your secret was safe with me, you trusted me. Just like when I offered you my hand to escape Kamino or when I checked your back for injuries after rough training sessions. You’ve always trusted me.”

He lowered his head, silence heavy in the air and Bakugou was convinced there was something else. He could feel it lingering in the air between them, he saw it in the way his chair speed up, because Kirishima put more pressure on the leg that was swinging him. Something big was coming and it agitated Kirishima. It agitated Bakugou, too, but he wouldn’t show it. He refused. 

“Why don’t you trust me anymore?”, Kirishima breathed, barely loud enough for Bakugou to hear, in a terrible broken voice, that was nothing like Kirishima. That wasn’t the loud, happy, sunshine-smile guy he fell in love with. That was after the sports festival Kirishima, who feared his quirk wasn’t flashy enough and that he wasn’t good enough. That wasn’t the unwavering, unbreakable best friend that Bakugou respected. And it was his fault.

“I do trust you”, he argued, ignoring his pride, while admitting what he’d never thought he needed to admit. But he’d be damned if Kirishima was falling apart because of him. 

“No, you don’t”, Kirishima shot back, a sniffing sound accompanying his statement, but he still didn’t look at Bakugou. 

“Yes, I do”, he replied firmly, not knowing what else to say. Not, without giving too much away.

“If you did”, Kirishima declared, head snapping up and Bakugou could see his red-rimmed eyes, “You would tell me what’s bothering you!”

“Nothing bothers me”, he snapped, not even regretting his tone, when Kirishima’s expression visibly hardened, “I’m just fine!”

“I know for a fact that you’re not ‘fine’”, Kirishima argued, heavy tone in his voice but refusing to budge. Bakugou hated how hard-headed his best friend could be sometimes. And people thought Bakugou was the stubborn one out of the two. Kirishima was just as bad. 

“You know ‘for a fact’”, Bakugou mocked, seeing Kirishima deflate at his statement, but still not stopping. He wasn’t even sure he could go back anymore. 

Kirishima sagged into himself again, the hardened look on his face vanished as fast as it had appeared and he just looked tired. In a way that let Bakugou know he had been thinking about something too heavily for too long. Bakugou would have wondered if he had that same look on his face, if he was any more rational. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. 

“You know shit about me!”, he declared, hoping to solve this matter once and for all, but Kirishima had other plans. Which obviously included a change of tactics.

"Do you ever want to talk about your feelings, Bakugou?", Kirishima inquired gently, as if he feared scaring Bakugou away. Bakugou couldn’t help but feel belittled. Him, being scared away by some words. Kirishima must have been delusional. (There was a voice inside his head, that was, in fact, scared by the sudden change of topics, but his pride and his anger roared louder.)

"FUCK NO!" 

“Well, I think you should”, Kirishima said, not budging from his position and Bakugou noted duly, that he stopped swinging some time ago. He paid it no mind. Instead he tried to argue again, but Kirishima was faster. 

“You fleeing from the mall, the talk with Todoroki, your almost clash with Monoma and then fleeing again when I came out yesterday”, Kirishima listed, effortlessly and Bakugou started to feel like Kirishima had thought this conversation out before, “They are all related, aren’t they?”

“And if they were”, Bakugou said even though he felt more like he was admitting something, because he really didn’t see a way out, “it still wouldn’t be your business.” 

“You’re right. Technically it’s not”, Kirishima agreed easily, voice still so damn quiet and heavy with something unspoken, that Bakugou just couldn’t point out. It irritated him almost as much as the rest of the conversation did. “But I feel like it’s related to me.”

That was the most efficient thing to shut Bakugou up in a while. Even his brain provided no more words or thoughts for him, it was just empty. A state of mind, which he failed to achieve for days brought forth by one sentence from Kirishima. He’d laugh at the irony, but he wasn’t sure he had that capacity right now. He wasn’t sure he had any capacity for anything. 

“What makes you think that?”, he mumbled, still feeling like he was out of his body and out of the conversation.

“You’re looking at me like”, Kirishima hesitated, probably to look for the right word and Bakugou realised somewhere in the corner of his mind that this might be the end. He felt strangely calm for that. “Like you’re disgusted. What did I do? Just tell me what I did, please!”

The pleading tone in Kirishima’s voice almost broke his heart, he felt disgusted with himself for letting it get that far. All because of some stupid feelings that ultimately wouldn’t even amount to anything.

“Nothing has changed!”, he argued, weakly, his brain still rebooting and he really hoped it wouldn’t take much longer. He didn’t know how much more of this conversation he could get through on auto-pilot. He didn’t even know how dependable his auto-pilot was. 

“Yes it has, and you know it.”

"Well, you STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE! maybe I don't wanna be your damn friend!", he exploded, because obviously his brain couldn’t reboot fast enough and his anger decided to take over. Kirishima looked like Bakugou had actually physically hit him. Was there a worse way to phrase that particular sentiment? Bakugou highly doubted it. 

Slowly, carefully, as if he feared upsetting Bakugou anymore, Kirishima cradled his hand against his chest, eyes still blown wide and his mouth stood open, without anything coming out. Bakugou didn’t even have to concentrate to see the tears forming in Kirishima’s eyes. He distantly felt pressure burning behind his own as well.

“You don’t mean that”, Kirishima whispered, but it sounded like a plea and Bakugou wished he could take it back, but his brain was still out of order and his anger still reigned. 

“Yes, I meant that”, he barked back, voice more aggressive than he ever remembered it being, despite feeling numb. He saw a few tears slip down Kirishima’s cheeks and for the first time since his brain went out, he heard something other than his anger giving orders in his head. He wanted, so desperately, to wipe away that tear and hold Kirishima close.

“Well”, Kirishima breathed, tonelessly, before Bakugou had properly finished his last thought, “That’s an answer.”

He didn’t run. He got up slowly, moved past Bakugou’s furniture and to his door with care, but purpose and didn’t say another word, didn’t even look at him, until he was about to close the door. While standing in his doorway, Kirishima gave him one last look, so devoid of emotion apart from the tear trays on his cheeks, that Bakugou felt like crying. Maybe he was, he wasn’t sure. Kirishima closed the door slowly, it only made a low sound, when it fell shut, but it still echoed loudly and Bakugou’s mind. 

A few minutes later, when his brain had finally started working again, the only thought it provided for him was: Well, you might as well have told him. Now it’s all shit anyways.