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[komorebi-tako]

秋田へ

My heart feels hollow sometimes when I think of how I can never return to that time where I was so carefree in Akita. Hanging out with other ALTs after work, complaining about coworkers and the brain-numbing work we had to do. Or sharing funny stories about our students and how they make all this worth it in the end. It felt like the university dorm experience I never had. Living close to friends, cooking with each other, going to each other places without planning much. 

Going to Hamazushi with friends, deciding that Kura sushi and Kantaro are way better. Going to Karaoke and always singing キセキ,  小さな恋のうた、and 津軽海峡冬景色. Walking over to my friends house that lives 5 minutes away and getting stressed that coworkers would spot me from their car. Picking up snacks and drinks at the nearby Family Mart. Getting pissed off when the weather was bad because that meant I couldn’t bike. Biking over to the BOE and getting to take the route alongside the river and over the train tracks. My love for Donki. Man I’m gonna miss Donki. Hanging out with the girls and comparing what new washi tapes we recently got. Cooking for each other and watching Terrace House almost on a weekly basis. Trying to plan trips to places without having a car....the biggest disadvantage ever. Taking a walk in Senshu Park when the weather was nice. That one time I biked around aimlessly at like 11pm because I felt like it. The fact that I could take midnight walks and didn’t feel like my life was in danger. Hitting up the nearby onsens after work. Planning my entire day around going to the onsen. I love onsens so fucking much. Trying to live my life, enjoy it to the max but constantly being bothered by the fact that I still wanted to see Soccer Boy. Having made SO many plans for 2020 and having them all ruined because of corona. But because of corona, got to hang out with my friends more and became a lot closer. Getting into Monstax literally a month before i leave with two other friends. Taking the time and effort to dedicate my time at school for the kids, my love for them was huge. Having my Japanese improve to the point where I could have casual conversations with locals and my kids at school. They helped me keep going when things were rough. Getting my heart broken for the first time, and learning how to feel and understand emotions a lot better. Getting mad depressed whenever I see anything 竿燈まつり related bc i was SO CLOSE to becoming a part of it. Joining a really cool yosakoi team and actually getting to perform. Deciding it was way too much and stopped going to practice. Joining a local taiko team of old ladies who were really too nice to me despite the fact I almost never went to practice. Definitely overloaded myself with activities and regretted it pretty soon. In that sense....maybe corona was a good thing. I Don’t think i would’ve been able to see Soccer Boy again if it wasn’t for it. 

It’s weird, as much as I hated aspects of Japan while I was living there....I don’t hate it. My friend once said Japan is one of those places where you either HATE it and then sometimes you LOVE it. Would I work and live there forever? never. Do I miss it? Of course. My dream is to have a summer home there where I can escape to a few months at a time. A dream. Isn’t that everything though? The hope that I’ll be back in Akita. The hope that I can keep in contact with everyone. The hope that the connections we made over the years won’t fade with time. The hope that we can see each other again. I can only hope. 

[komorebi-tako]

Back home

So, I’m finally back home in Canada. I’ve been in quarantine the last couple of days hahaha time is just a concept now I don’t even know what day it is anymore. Just a few more days though! And I’ll be free!

Been feeling really empty sometimes when I think about my time in Japan. It just feels surreal that just over a week ago I was still in Akita---the place that had slowly become my home over the last two years. It’s weird, (and maybe it’s just my late bloomer showing) but I’ve felt more self-growth in these two years in Japan than my 4 years in uni. Maybe it’s because I’m in such a new environment that everything I experience is just amplified and feels more intense, or it could be that it was first job ever and first time living truly independently. Whatever the case is, my time on JET, although short in the grand scheme of things, has changed my life forever and I am forever grateful for the experience.

My last days at school were rough in that I bawled my eyes out at some farewell ceremonies. Sometimes I would be talking to a student and all of a sudden realize that this might be the last time I ever see this person again. It hits a certain way. The people I met during my time in Akita, the connections I formed, are truly what shaped my time there. I will never forget all the friends I made, the students I taught, the relationships I had with all kinds of people. Although we didn’t speak each others languages perfectly, we were still able to communicate. I realized that the ‘click’ you feel with another person is so important. I clicked with some Japanese people, even though my Japanese ability was basic at best, and we managed to have hour-long conversations; whereas with some people who were JETs like me, we could barely keep a conversation going even though we were both speaking English. People are weird like that. Some connections just naturally occur between people, and it’s not something that can be achieved with trying your best. I’m just rambling now hahaha my English has gotten pretty bad over the years.....my punctuation is probably all over the place. That’s what you get when all you teach everyday is “ What colour do you like?” and “When is your birthday?”.

[komorebi-tako]

Half day on a Tuesday

My half days are now on Tuesdays instead of Wednesdays. I don’t get to see my friends like I usually would, but it’s nice to have time for myself as well. I’ve gotten so used to constantly being with people here that I think I’ve forgotten how to be comfortable doing things by myself. Listening to Jpop on empty train ride back to the station, picking up a new flavored ice cream at the conbini (strawberry + condensed milk!), sitting by the river under the sun and walking under train tracks.....just daily life things that I’m going to miss so much when I leave this place. 

Got the email confirmation today from my supervisor that they’ve booked my flight back (July 29th). It’s dawning on me gradually that I’m really going home, but I think my brain is just in  ゴロゴロ mode and refuses to let that fact truly sink in. Everything is going to fly by, these two months are going to slip through my fingers. I’ve gone through this far too many times. It always ends up the same way. Goodbyes. Promises to meet again. Losing touch after a long time. The likely fact that you will probably never see that person ever again.

[komorebi-tako]

First Monday in June

 The weather app said it would be sunny so all I wore was a short sleeve shirt to work. It ended up raining a bit on the bike ride home. At first I was annoyed and was just focused on getting home as fast as I could. I slowed down as I biked by the river, truly breathing in for the first time. I realized how long it had been since I had smelled petrichor. The world felt (and smelled) alive. Having the rain drops fall on my bare arms and just taking the time to appreciate the present was probably the best part of my day.

[komorebi-tako]

Reflection

On our leavers handbook, it told us to “take some time to reflect on your life in Japan”. There were a total of 4 questions and I’ll try and answer them the best that I can.

Are you optimistic or pessimistic about returning?

More so than optimistic or pessimistic, I’m torn between wanting to leave Japan but at the same time not wanting to leave. I’m pretty confident that I will be fine once I go home, and to be honest, there’s a lot of factors that are not up to me to decide. I’ve gotten very attached to Akita and Japan in general, closer than I did to Montreal even though I was there longer. Realistically speaking, I would never want to stay in Akita (there is literally nothing to work towards, and there are so many things culture wise I strongly disagree with), but I still love the place. It’s a weird feeling and I’m pretty sure it’s because of the people I met during my time here. 

Are you excited about starting a new phase in your life?

I’m excited to be finally done with this ALT job-- it was fun for the most part, but now I just find myself with no motivation whatsoever. As for the “new phase” in life I’m entering, it’s shrouded in uncertainty so I’m definitely more worried than excited. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but sometimes I do selfishly wish I could continue living the way I am right now--no worries financially, friends that I can hang out with almost everyday, a job with almost no responsibilities or consequences. But it’s not a job that lasts forever and more importantly, I have many obligations to go back to.  

Do you feel that your experience has been worthwhile and now it is time to move on?

I think my experience here has honestly been one of the best experiences of my life. I’ve grown and learned so much about myself and Japan. It made me realize that I might actually consider a career in teaching when I go back to Canada. It made me realize I’m pretty decent at adapting to different situations. Apart from Japanese people, I’ve met so many different people from countries all over the world. I’ve had my heart broken for the first time. I’ve also become slightly more extroverted...maybe? I’ve learned a lot, but I do think it is time to move on. There’s not much more for me if I were to stay.

Are you dreading your return home as your lifestyle in Japan is more satisfying than the one you are about to return to?

Not dreading my return home at all. There are definitely perks to living in Japan that I am going to miss-- like 24 hour conbinis, and izakaya nomihodai culture, but there are also SO many thing I will NOT miss. I’m also not allowed to have a car here so am looking forward to actually being able to do what I want and get to where I want with either better public transport or by car. I think I’ll miss the people I’ve met here the most, the people and missed opportunities. 

[komorebi-tako]

School has finally started again after being shut down for corona....I’m happy I get to see the kids again but I have no motivation to work anymore. My initial plan was to participate in the Kantou festival, watch the Omonagawa fireworks and then fly home....but because corona cancelled everything I’m thinking of leaving earlier...maybe late July-ish. It’s a weird feeling...I want to go home (I’d go fucking crazy if I had to stay in Akita another year), but again I don’t want to leave Akita either. This year has turned out to be nothing like anyone expected it to be...it doesn’t even properly feel like I’m leaving. There’s no sense of closure when everyday we know things could change.

Anyways, I have some free time these days at work because I don’t need to lesson plan anymore (yay). I realized my school computer can also access tumblr so I’m gonna try and update as much as I can because I’ve been absolute shit at keeping up. The last time i posted was a solid year ago lol

[komorebi-tako]

Although a lot has happened over the past few months, emotionally, I’m still excited for what the future holds. I’ll be here for another year and I want to make the best of it. I want to travel, I want to hang out with the friends I cherish, I want to grow as a person. Even though I might not be feeling the best right now, I am still thankful for the experiences I’ve had and wouldn’t change them in any way. I know that a few years from now, I’ll look back and see this year, although tough in some aspects and amazing in others, as an essential stepping stone to becoming who I will be. 

[komorebi-tako]

Just some pics from my kyoto trip back in December^^

Honestly, I probably won’t update everything since the last time i posted since there’s just waaay too much but i do want to make a sort of list of all the things that have happened up until now ( A LOT HAS HAPPENED) since i guess my last Tazawako post? So like since October 2018 lol

Had to let go of a friend who turned out to be a very annoying person

Went to Juniko in Aomori

Made apple pie and mulled wine with good friends

Had my self-esteem blown with this one guy falling for my friend instead of me lol

Winter break: Went to a Blackpink concert (!!!) in Osaka and travelled around Kyoto and Nara before meeting up with my mom and sis in Tokyo

While I was still recovering from that confidence blow, I started crushing on one of the staff who worked at one of my schools

Secret Santa with great company and friends who celebrated my birthday after I came back from vacation;;;;

Went to Tazawako again to rent skis and it really is completely a different type of beauty covered in snow

Went on a bunch of ski trips

Funny enough, the guy I was crushing on left me his contact info in my shoe locker around February 

Went on a couple of dates that went really well, but in the end it didn’t work out, and am currently still recovering from a broken-ish heart

Went to the Namahage and Inukko festivals

For spring break, went to Yokohama! (my poor blistered feet)

Watched spiderverse waaaay too many times (5?6?)

Went to Aomori with some Singaporean friends

Spent my first Hanami with friends at Senshu Park

Went to Tokyo and Osaka for Golden week

In May, went to the spring Omagari fireworks!

Went to Sapporo for the Arashi concert on May 18!!! Best Concert I’ve Ever Been To.

Had a picnic in Senshu Park

Roadtrip to the Costco in Miyagi and stayed a super nice cabin overnight had a BBQ and drinking games

Went to the Junior High School sports festival event

[komorebi-tako]

Graduation

the past few months have been a blur, but it’s spring break now and I’m just sitting at the BOE everyday so I’ll probs update my blog.

I didn’t think the grade 6s graduation would have a big  effect on me, i mean i’ve only know these kids for around 7 months but wow i was really sad to see them leave. Also, because I have two schools, I could only attend one graduation ceremony and didn’t get to see my other kids at their ceremony. I also had to leave the boarding school I have and they held this really formal leaving ceremony and made me do a whole speech so embarrassing. Anyways I’m just rambling I will post properly soon

[komorebi-tako]

October 8th 2018,

Woke up bright and early to catch the Shinkansen to Tazawako station. I wanted to cycle around the lake and try an onsen in one day, was worried I wouldn’t have enough time since transportation takes forreeveerrr but everything worked out perfectly. Had to stand most of the ride there since I got a standing ticket, but renting a bike was super easy once I got by the lake. Definitely recommend cycling around the lake, the views are great and although you have to share the road with cars, most of the times you have the road to yourself and it’s super relaxing. Pretty sure I took a wrong turn somewhere bc I had to push my bike up a steep hill for a good 10 minutues...NOT cycle friendly i was dead. Made my way around the lake in around 2 hours and had about 40 minutes before the bus to Nyuto Onsen so I had a nice onigiri lunch by the lake.

The bus to Nyuto onsen took about an hour, and once you get off the bus, you take a little side route to get to the onsen I went to- Magoroku onse. The small trail there was gorgeous and I had it all to myself too. The leaves  were just starting to change colour and there was a nice breeze from the rapids. The onsen itself is super tiny, and after washing myself off I went into the little hut where the onsens were. Wasn’t really used to completely stripping nude but literally no one cares so got used to it pretty fast. Wasn’t a lot of people at the hot spring, mostly just old people. I did get the outdoor hot spring to myself for a a bit though which was really nice and it had a great view of the mountains and rapids.

There was a super talkative old woman who came though and we started chatting and then she was like “hey wanna check out the other baths? My husband is there” and I’m like ??????? Went to the mixed baths with her and there was like 2 old men,  completely naked and i just.......ohmygod. But they didn’t bat an eye so I was like okokokokok i won’t let it get to me. But I went back to the women only bath pretty soon though I was stressin

Overall though, I couldn’t have asked for a better day ^^

[komorebi-tako]

Last day in Sendai! Went to the famous Matsushima islands. Took the ferry there from Hon-Shiogama which I highly recommend. Opened my window and not only were the views beautiful but loved having that sea salt smell wash over me. Visited Zuiganji, one of the most important shrines in the Tohoku region. Had relaxing walks along the coast and even found a lil beach that didn’t have a lot of people. Caught a packed train back to Sendai station and had to have gyutan ( famous sendai dish) before I left but was tight on time so I scarfed it down.

[komorebi-tako]

October 6 & 7 2018,

Decided to go on a solo trip to Sendai over the weekend. My friend told me it’s like the Vancouver of Japan, maybe bc it’s called the ‘City of Trees’. Mainly came to Sendai so I could buy winter boots, Blundstones to be exact. Got them...for the hefty price of 30,000 yen but hopefully they last me a while. Hiked up to Zuihoden to check out the temple and then headed back downtown to meet up with another Vancouver Jet. We checked out a Yosakoi festival which was fantastic, the dancers had so much energy I really want to join a team too if I can. Afterwards, she took me to a really cool Jazz bar and I spent a bit too much there on drinks and food but whatever...(not really I’m broke af now;;;) Apparently the bar owner grew up in Akita which was super cool. 

[komorebi-tako]

Sunset views on my bike ride home from work one day. I might not have been placed in the biggest city, but some of the things I get to see I know I would never be able to see if I were placed somewhere else.

[komorebi-tako]

September 22-24 2018,

Went to Tokyo during the long weekend, took the night bus there and actually managed to get some sleep which was amazing. Was raining right before I had to leave my house to go to Tokyo so had to walk all the way to the station in my poncho and ugly Daiso plastic shoe covers ugGHHH 

Sept 22

Arrived bright and early in the morning at Shinjuku station and went to Blue Bottle cafe. Managed to navigate the subway (didn’t get too lost this time) and met up with some friends at Koenji. Tons of vintage stores, and found one that was called ‘Slut’ which was amusing to say the least. Had Thai food for lunch and the best red curry I’ve ever had so good omg. Headed to Shimokitazawa afterwards which is also known to have great vintage shops, a bit on the pricier side though. For dinner we went to Shibuya and got Lobster rolls. First time seeing the Shibuya crossing (at night too which was unreal) and I was acting like such a tourist lmao my Tokyo friends were lowkey embarrassed. I ended up staying at a hostel that was like 20$/ night and seemed super sketchy but it was pretty decent. It was bunk bed style and all I had was a mattress which honestly was more than enough.

Sept 23

Met up with an old friend that I made back in 2015 when I studied in Beijing over the summer! We hit Harajuku, Meiji Shrine, and Shibuya and got kinda sick of all the shopping and how that’s basically all there is to do. We bought lucky charms at Meiji though which I want to start collecting but man....they are   p r i c y. Had hotpot at a Thai chain store for dinner and man, hotpot after a long day of walking is ~saikoooooo~

Sept 24

Last day in Tokyo, went to Ikebukuro to check out their infamous animate and was kinda disappointed bc of the lack of merch for anime I liked like they only had like 5 things for One Piece come on. For lunch met with up with friends and had Korean food at Shin-Okubo (Korea town). Told my friends about my sad adventure to Ikebukuro and she suggest we visit Jump World in Ikebukuro. Bruh, best decision ever I love Jump animes the most and they had so many cool galleries. Around 6pm, my other Akita friend and I jumped on the Shinkansen and went back home....with the dread of waking early for work tmr morning heavy over our heads

[komorebi-tako]

September 2nd 2018,

Went to neighboring city, Yokote, with a couple friends on the last day of their Teamlab exhibition. One thing about trains in Akita is that not only are they slow (miss the skytrain ngl) but the views are just rice plains after rice plains. They’re really beautiful and really different from what we have in Canada. Had to line up 2 hours just to get in but it was super pretty although the light exhibition was not as interactive as we thought. The coolest part was definitely where you could design your own sea creature, scan it, and it would swim across the screen a few seconds later. Had Yokote yakisoba for lunch and tried soy sauce ice cream which was surprisingly good??

[komorebi-tako]

(Excuse my lack of updates, been really busy settling in. So I’m just dump a shit on of posts now bc i have a half day)

Fireworks!! First time seeing fireworks in Japan was at Omonagawa on August 11th, a few days after Group B landed in Akita. Sadly don’t have nice enough pics to post of it but I have pics of Omagari fireworks festival in Daisen! It’s one of the biggest firework festivals in Japan. Wasn’t planning to go since weather report said it might rain, but ended up getting dragged to it by a friend and no regrets, weather ended up being beautiful and the fireworks were amazing. People from all over Japan come to Daisen to see the fireworks and seriously....the amount of people was crazy, literally like a sea. We left near the end of the performance and even then the line ups to get on the train back to Akita city was insane...probably won’t go next year lol

[komorebi-tako]

These past few days have been so hectic I don’t even understand what tired is anymore lol. After I jumped on the plane for the 10h flight to Tokyo, we’ve basically had no down time with orientation and settling into our placements.

First night in Tokyo: hottest most humid weather I’ve ever experienced it’s like I was -swimming- through the streets. The hotel we stayed at, Keio, is HUGE and smack in the middle of shinjuku which was nice. We arrived pretty late at night so a few of us found the nearest 7 eleven and bought a bunch of snacks before calling it a day.

Second night: Orientation all day from 9 till 5, it was so long and boring I ran to my room to take a nap the moment we were done. There was a welcome reception in the evening but it was pretty disorganized and I spent most of the time just lining up for food. Afterwards, some people wanted to head to an izakaya so I went with them but I wasn’t planning to drink, just take a walk. We winded through all sorts of alleys and underground tunnels and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to find my way back by myself but kept reminding myself that my sense of direction is pretty solid. Yeah.... so I got pretty fucking lost. A hot mess running around Shinjuku at night asking for directions in broken japanese that’s definitely a memory.

Third night: Another full day of workshops/orientation, decent curry for lunch (better than the “short” pasta from the previous day u g h)... I was planning on exploring Shinjuku solo but bumped into some people from my city in the hotel lobby and went to go get yuzu ramen! We also visited a bookstore in the station that looks deceivingly small on the outside but is absolutely enormous once you go in. To finish the night, we headed up 45 floors at the Metropolitan Government Building observatory to see all of Tokyo.

The next day, a typhoon hit Tokyo and it was pouring rain so I quickly headed to the conbini to get an umbrella, only to leave it on the bus to the airport like an idiot. Around 20 of us got onto a plane and headed to Akita prefecture, with around 10 of us heading to Akita city. We around 1 hour to rest up before heading to a welcome dinner and then going grocery shopping, overbuying stuff without realizing that the walk back to our apartment was a brutal 20 minutes. Got back home, exhausted at 11pm, showered and passed out.