#that whole you can have my back thing was CRAZY now that I think about it
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yeta-drewit · 3 days ago
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Wenclair fic recommendations
I’ve read way too many. About 115.
Also all of this are finished fanfics. I believe.
Edit- yes this are all in ao3 and I did this at like 3 am so I didn’t put links and I’m too lazy to change it now.
MY TOP ONES
-Hunting season by gobreakaneck. OMG THIS FIC, a season 2 fic, angst to the max, slow burn to the max BUT REALLY GOOD SHIT. Like it’s good guys trust. Unfortunately it’s part one of a series so yk I was left crying for more at the end.
-Yours, Eurydice by hanjisgirlfriend- SAD AND CELEBRITY AU. Enid is an actor, Wednesday is a famous writer and they are neighbors and they share letters with pen names because they don’t want the public to know. ITS CUTE.
-I pledge to you (my blood and soul) by Whatiscolor. WRITER OF THIS FIC I WANT TO TROW HANDS. This is genuinely one of the saddest fics I’ve read. Forced marriage Au WITH A LOT OF ANGST. I’m not joking I cried. Angst was angsting.
-Purgatory would be beautiful with you by Emilywritesatuff- Just Wenclair stuff but Wednesday is kind of acting like a werewolf but she isn’t, it’s kind of like they are mates and Wednesday acts like it. I just like it.
-Christmas Eve(L) by miliamin- Fake dating and Christmas what else can I say?.
Weird Aus
-Let’s get political by WishaDream - Gomes and Esther are campaigning for the same government position. Esther tells Enid to hate Wednesday but she can’t. They hate each other in public but almost kiss in secret. Don’t let the weird au get you it’s actually really good. I like the political comments in between the actual Wenclair story.
- Just the taste of you/ blood in the water by littlebirdonair - another weird au but this time Wednesday is an assassin meant to kill journalist Enid. My best description of the story. Enid "I talked to an assassin Yoko" Yoko "omg girl!. Have you told the police?! How are even alive?!" Enid "Omg girl it was the hottest thing ever, she was so fucking hot" Yoko "wtf girl” (Warning there is one explicit scene. I skipped it as it was really short and I’m not interested in that)
-The Heart Knows No Death by viienrose - Enid is brutally murder by her pack and the Addams family can bring her back to life if she wishes to. Wednesday helps Enids soul process her death and the possibility of coming back. Sad shit but kind of cute Wenclair.
- Driving to my house in the middle of the night by AtomicJellyBean - Wednesday ghostbuster, Enid has existential crisis and is a park ranger and a very popular fanart comic came from this story.
-Strawberry and Lilacs by thislonelyrealm - not Nevermore high school au, Wednesday is new in town and Enid has live there her whole life (she also beats up Tyler). I made fanart of one scene.
- So this is love by LoriLoud- season 1 rewrite. lowkey insane and deranged. Not joking. I’m not rereading it so I may be remembering wrong but just so yk how crazy it is they kiss while Esther is literally burning. It gets so bad I think Yoko is the only survivor. Bad representation of the Addams family but a fun read.
-Parce que toi et moi, ca fonctionne (meme si ca ne devrait pas) by bogteats- Eurovision Song Contest AU. Enid is a French singer and gay, the Addams family is a Spanish band (my Mexican ass is sad they had to be Spanish) it’s a really cool celebrity au with Enid trying to hide she is gay. It’s not in French guys.
-The proposal (Wenclair’s Version) by NyxSmols- apparently is the 2009 movie The Proposal but make it Wenclair. Idk I haven’t seen the movie but the fic was cool. Honestly Enid was giving Debbie at the beginning of the fic and I’m all for that.
Normal AUs
-Vortex by Alotofconfusion- Wenclair childhood friend au. I think it’s cute. Enid is pretty much adopted by the Addams, no one believes Enid that she has a gf, they call each other business partners.
- Imprinting is such a bitch by King_boo - Season 1 rewrite where Enid imprints on Wednesday the moment they meet, so its season 1 if they both immediately liked each other. Slight gaslighting by Wednesday but she works on that.
- Like two Mismatched Pieces Put Together by ShadeNeverMadeAnybodyLessGay- Wenclair childhood soulmates. Enid is abandoned but adopted by the Addams. Just cute kids stuff.
-Cool about it by randomiska - they are in college and they are fake dating to stop their friends from trying to get them together. Obviously it backfires.
Normal ig?
- Everyone comes to Yoko’s by Sincerely_Sierra- Yoko gets the gays together. Yoko is stressed about the gays and she just wants them to stop bothering her.
- What does he have that I don’t? By Kofeew_milkk- Enid hates that Wednesday smells like Tyler. Cute scenting fic.
-Sweet nothings by Hymenopus- They simp for each other while being in opposites sides of the country. They exchange letters and gifts.
-San Francisco by bishopsinclair_(dustydandelions) - Set during the break, Wednesday goes to San Francisco and werewolf chaos ensues. Blood wolf stuff.
- Raven in the den, wolf in the nest by Barbara_lazuli- Fake dating to spite their moms, it’s really cute specially Enid and the Addams family. There are references to the animated movie, I love Parker.
-Downside of Visions by CelticWolf55- it’s a sick fic and it’s very cute.
To make yourself sad
-Bubble Gum bitch by wishadream - Celebrity AU. Depress actor Enid and assistant Wednesday that doubles as a therapist. They don’t end up together but it’s still cute.
- I’ll love you (from the shadows) by mickeroni -technically not a Wenclair story but it’s a Weems story about her being a sad gay for Morticia and projecting towards Wenclair. She goes to the wedding.
-You drive me crazy (baby) by Sincerely_Sierra- Yoko angst, Enid angst, everyone angst. It’s a taking care of a fake baby trope but what I thought would be like domestic fluff just made me sad. YOKO LOVERS READ THIS SHIT.
Fluff no plot
- It’s just a werewolf thing by WelshCakes68 - Enid blames her gayness on the fact she is a wolf, Wednesday is so whipped she accepts this excuse. Oblivious homosexuals.
Silly ones
- Woes of the Heart by 1unluckystudent - It’s just Enid crashing Wednesday’s and Tyler’s date and being like super jealous and really funny. This Enid behavior is what I want from Enid if Wednesday gets another love interest.
-Potion problems by batzeus99 - Switch personalities and it’s super cute and I think it’s like really funny seeing Wednesday act all happy. Enid just acts like Pip from AGGGTM.
- I’m your garbageman by cowardnthief - Wednesday asks Enid for help on a crush she has. Enid is the crush and she is also obviously to it.
- Black Butterfly by misscanteloupe- Wednesday is jealous and makes Enid hug her while Ajax watches. Wednesday just hates Ajax and I find it hilarious.
Parent fics (because I like this type of content)
-Werewolves made with woe by omnical - Podcasters try to investigate the Addams family. Enid gaslight them into going into the house and absolutely scares the shit out of them. Enid is scary but she is trying to protect her kids.
- Plans of Joy by southernsunrise- They try to have kids. It gets sad but trust it gets better. (Warning miscarriage)
-Double trouble by Pieck_Simp- Wenclair twins. Wenclair moms fighting prejudice against their kids.
Obviously what I like you may not like. Some of this are entertaining but not good representations of the characters. I understand some may have poor writing but it’s fanfics guys not a novel. I encourage you to think critically and not get influenced by this fanfics, not everything you read is good and a representation of good behavior, some of these have questionable behaviors that go unpunished because it’s a fanfic. So do keep that in mind and don’t base your behaviors solely on fan fiction.
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loycos · 7 hours ago
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my head's a bit clearer, some thoughts about act 3
-my biggest gripe is episode 7- cool idea, love the concept of peaking into a different universe and seeing what our characters couldve been under different circumstances, but a WHOLE episode. when you only had 9 episode in this season, that already feel like theyre moving at a neck's pace. for a universe that ultimately doesn't matter to the main universe where the story takes place. the fact it had timebomb made it feel extremely fan service-y.
-no emotional resolution to a lot of characters. viktor and jayce are the only ones i can think of that felt like they got the screen time and care for an actual emotional closure.
-isha wasn't even mentioned in this act. in general she was already a martyr for jinx's character development but guys can you make it less obvious.
-it started in act 2, hence why i was so jaded on it, but it continues here: just where the fuck the political drama between 2 cities go? the conflict between zaun and piltover took a back seat since episode 4 and never came back. the resolution to it isn't bad per say, but when u got so little focus on it in the finale it just feels rushed.
-i loved the cait and jinx scene. but like, that was the resolution to it??? after act 1 thinking about it disappoints me. im not against a conversation being the climax to a story, but that is, and im not joking, the ONLY conversation these 2 have in the show one on one. in general the jinx\cait\vi arc ends with 1 conversation per duo (well caitvi got one fight and one very steamy sex scene but u won't catch me complaining). and after act 1, idk i think i wanted just a little bit more. im biased though- the jinx\vi\caitlyn dynamic is my favorite part about arcane. the teasers for s2 always had them front and center so i assumed it'll play a bigger part in the story???
-i felt like what the show was at its core, which is the conflict between the sisters and the cities, was completely sidelined this season. in general i can't really tell what the main theme of the show is anymore. but yeah look at the resolution to the jinx and vi story.did it feel like it had the emotional impact u expected? cause i felt like it was underwhelming.
-sevika?? didnt speak since episode 4???? huhh???
-maddie was pointless. why was she there?? i don't understand the point of that character. i dont understand her motives. she ended up not mattering at all to caitvi's story. the only thing i got from her inclusion is "caitlyn fucks" but is it that THAT important??? of a character trait??? to add to caitlyn of all people?? in THIS season??? this belongs in the realm of fanfiction.
-a lot here felt like fanfiction actually. every silco inclusion (except of him in the cell with jinx), the whole "nobody dies au" they threw in the middle, even the caitvi sex scene (IM NOT COMPLAINING THO). the caitvi scene at the end was dialog out of fanfiction, wtf was that.
-why did caitlyn lose her eye? im not like against the idea on a base level but losing an eye is very symbolic, and im not sure what its supposed to represent here. caitlyn is an observant person, its a big character trait for her. so youre basically saying she sees less now? that she's more laser focused? i sure hope not. wasnt her whole arc with giving up of revenge about seeing the "bigger picture"? her sacrifice didn't feel in character, because caitlyn is not really a "fight to the death" type of character like ambessa is. if she made that sacrifice for something like love, or for the betterment of other people, that would be more in line. idk, you couldve made me on board with it but im just very meh on it. also caitlyn only really emotes through her eyes, it sucks that we get even less of it now?? though i guess it doesnt matter at this point.
-what was the point of the enforcer that looked like vander?
-ambessa was so wasted in these last 2 acts its crazy. where's the "you have to be the fox and the wolf" mindset from her? she felt like she was wolfing only with no wit anymore by the 3rd act.
-mel????????????? it was. uhhh. maybe you shouldve saved it for another series, riot. but in this show, waste of time. the fight she had with caitlyn against ambessa was cool tho.
-i sound like im a hater but u have to understand. s1 of arcane was a political drama and a character study show. seeing all this discarded for magic and time travel shenanigans on like 4 different fronts was so jarring it took me out of the show multiple times.
-cant believe im saying that, but i wish they'd try to stick closer to the characters' current state in the source material (the cursed game). someof it felt out of left field and done for shock value, which isn't why we love the story or these characters to begin with.
good stuff:
-caitvi sex lmao ill take it babyyyyy
-jayce and viktor's scenes at the end were powerful.
-as usual, the visuals were phenomenal. the animation is gorgeous. fortiche u made this show what it is and youre still its saving grace.
-thank god they dropped the warwick\vander plot
-i liked the implication of the conclusion to jinx's story, even if it felt a little inconsistent with the character.
-the ending to jinx\vi\caitlyn was poetic and i did love it, even if it was rushed and didn't really hit the emotional highs i wanted it to.
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scribefindegil · 2 days ago
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Lorraine Baines McFly and Female Autonomy
Hello. I have spent the past month slowly losing my mind about Lorraine Baines McFly, Marty's mom in Back to the Future, so I am finally trying to articulate some of the reasons I'm so feral about her.
There's a quote from Lea Thompson, the actress who played Lorraine, that goes, "The three parts that women usually get to play are virgins, whores, and mothers, and in Back to the Future Part II, I got to play all three." While this is commentary on Hollywood and the limited roles that fictional women get forced into, I think it's also interesting to think about it in terms of how these roles are reflected onto actual women and used to limit their personhood and confine them to a very narrow range of acceptable behaviors . . . and then in turn to think about how the character interacts with these roles on a Watsonian level. They're affecting not just Lorraine the character as she was written, but Lorraine from an in-universe perspective trying to navigate life as a woman in a patriarchal world. Some of the sexism she faces is a deliberate narrative choice and some of it is a result of the writers' blind spots, but for the purpose of this essay I'm less interested in teasing out which threads are which and more in looking at it holistically.
Because the thing about Lorraine is that she's aware of what the acceptable roles and behaviors for women are, and the versions that we see of her across the various timelines alternately fight against and capitulate to these constraints. What is a woman allowed to be? How much is Lorraine willing to break from those restrictions? How much does she allow other women to break from them? Does she resent her role or embrace it? I have a lot of thoughts specifically about how the different iterations of her interact with concepts of female agency and autonomy.
(Putting this under a cut because it is. Long.)
I started thinking about this when I was talking with my partner about 50's Lorraine. She's extremely active and driven and planning to Get What She Wants (in a way that is very scary, if you are Marty) . . . but at the same time she's clearly aware that she isn't supposed to be. A Good Fifties Girl is demure and passive. Lorraine isn't--but she's still trying to toe the line. I think constantly about the scene where she shows up at Doc's garage to be like "I followed you home . . . so that I can ask you to ask me to the dance." The girl can embrace borderline stalking but she draws the line at directly asking a boy out! She's exercising a lot of agency but views doing so as rebellious and subversive--and risky.
And I also want to talk about the whole "boy crazy" thing because like . . . society (especially in the fifties) tells women that the most important thing they can possibly do is find a good man and become wives and mothers, that this will define the success or failure of their entire lives (and given how many things were unavailable to single women at the time this is in many ways true) . . . and then relentlessly mocks and punishes anyone who actually takes an interest in pursuing this instead of just sitting back passively and waiting. She is trying to do what society says will make her happy! And even her desire for a white knight is very much based in the reality of her situation! She's getting sexually harassed at school and around town and she's doing exactly what she's supposed to and standing up for herself and saying no and fighting back--and this is not enough. She does need backup! Biff harasses her in the middle of a crowded cafeteria and Marty is the ONLY person who does anything! No fucking wonder she latches onto him as hard as she does! (There's. I promise this is related but there's a BttF parody musical on YouTube where when Strickland comes to break up the lunchroom fight he says, "Now, I can excuse sexual harassment, but LIGHT SHOVING?" and like it's a haha funny joke but also?? Yeah?? That IS how it works. The way Lorraine's being treated is so overlooked and normalized that the authority figure isn't going to step up the way he will when it's a physical altercation between two guys. Screams.) I wonder if part of the reason she stuck with George in the original timeline even though they didn't have a lot in common is that "I have a boyfriend" is a boundary that some people might actually take seriously whereas "I'm not interested" is not.
But. In general 50's Lorraine is very much about grabbing as much agency as she feels she's allowed to . . . and then Twin Pines Lorraine is what happens when she regrets the result of those choices (because while we don't see it, it's pretty obvious that in the original timeline she pursued George as aggressively as she pursues Marty in the new one), and so she decides to deny, not just her own agency, but female agency as a general concept. She leans so heavily on the idea that her relationship was "meant to be" because it absolves her of any culpability in creating a life she's unhappy with. She's rewritten her own past to view herself as a passive participant in something inevitable. (Exactly the view of womanhood that she was fighting so hard against in the 50's!) And she extends this idea of female passivity to the women around her: telling Linda that she should sit back and wait and a relationship will "just happen," actively resenting Jennifer for doing something as simple as calling Marty on the phone. It's a really interesting form of internalized misogyny, perpetuating these sexist ideas as almost a misguided form of self-defense.
And then for Lone Pine Lorraine this is completely flipped! She loves Jennifer for the same reason she disliked her in Twin Pines: because she reminds Lorraine of her younger self. And like . . . this is something of an extrapolation, but while obviously her husband and kids are still very important to her, it also feels like she has interests and friends and other things going on in her life, whereas part of the isolation of Twin Pines is that her life has shrunk down to the point where she's ONLY a wife and mother with nothing else to define herself by. And it also matters that in this timeline she has a partner that supports her, not just in the big dramatic moments (although also that), but you can easily see the dance as a catalyst for George actually learning to listen to her and stand up for her about smaller things as well. George McFly feminism arc. (I'm being slightly facetious but like. George starts off kind of shitty. The spying is actively Bad and I hope Marty chewed him out for it offscreen, but also his reaction to the harassment scene being "I think there's someone else she'd rather go with," implying that he sees what Biff is doing as like. Normal flirting that he expects to work. He doesn't GET it. Unsurprising because he is. A teenage boy in the fifties. But I do believe that saving Lorraine was something of a wakeup call and after that he listened to her about things that make her uncomfortable and gave her the support that she needed. Which would also give her a lot more freedom in this timeline because she has someone with more societal power who has her back!)
And then. Hell Valley.
If Lone Pine is the version of Lorraine who has the most freedom, the most opportunities to make decisions based on what she wants instead of What Is Expected Of A Woman, Hell Valley is the opposite. The things denying her agency in Twin Pines is largely societal forces (and herself); in Hell Valley she is actively being denied autonomy by her evil husband who functions as the personification of a bunch of sexist ideas.
She's been objectified to the point that she doesn't maintain control over her own body; Biff pressures her to get cosmetic surgeries so she can continue to look attractive to him because that's the only value he sees in her. Her physical appearance is entirely tailored to his preferences.
Biff's view of Lorraine is wife-as-possession. He treats her like a prize he's won and her kids like parasites. And he is NOT subtle about this. But Lorraine is still desperately clinging to the idea that she's wife-as-family. She calls Biff "your father" to Marty when he arrives, and talks about "our children" because she wants so so badly for this to be something different than what it is. It's especially terrible because this is a timeline where she got seventeen years of being happy with George, she knows what she's missing, and she keeps trying to force this new relationship into a similar mold even though Biff is openly contemptuous of her and especially her kids. It's been twelve years and she's still trying to pretend. To call back to that Lea Thompson quote: it's obvious where Biff thinks Lorraine fits on the virgin-mother-whore axis, while Lorraine is actively trying to centralize her motherhood partially because the kids really are that important to her and partially as a defense mechanism.
(And it's also such a bleak cautionary tale about how fragile women's stability can be when they're dependent on their husbands; Lorraine was happy with George and had a fair amount of freedom, but he was the only one with an income so when he died she was suddenly forced into a truly horrific situation because she had no other means to support herself and her three young children. Especially given that the Hell Valley universe is also worse in some broader political ways that mean there were probably even fewer social supports available than in real life 1973)
And god. It kills me the way that we see her lash out, the way she's clawing for autonomy when she threatens to leave . . . and then exactly how Biff levels all his axes of control against her. It's very interesting that his first tactic is consumerist (Who will pay for all your things? Who will take care of you?) and that doesn't work even though not being able to support herself is a very real concern. It's only when he threatens her kids that she folds. And then she immediately crumples and pivots to rationalizing Biff's behavior and blaming herself for her own abuse (in a way that is both HEARTBREAKING and also? surprisingly sympathetic and realistic for an 80's movie?). It's similar to the passivity we see in Twin Pines, but here we see exactly where it comes from. She doesn't have any way out so she has to pretend. It's the only way she can keep going. She has these flashes of rage but they're immediately snuffed out by despair and denial.
There's not a lot of talk about Lorraine and what there is tends to reduce her to "well she's Marty's mom" as if she's a boring character who doesn't have a lot going on. But even though most of her role in the movies has to do with her relationships with the various men in her life, those relationships are really interesting if you actually pay attention to them! She's not just (in the 80's) a wife and mother--she's someone who has a complex relationship with marriage and motherhood and the societal expectations surrounding them. She's not just (in the 50's) a vapid boy-crazy girl--she's doing her best to go after what she wants in a world that doesn't want her to (the fact that one of the things she wants turns out to be her time-traveling son from the future is unfortunate but not something she has any way of knowing!). She's stuck in a society that doesn't want women to be people, and she knows this, and because we see her across two different time periods and three different timelines you can watch how sometimes society grinds her down until she gives in and tries not to be a person. And also how, sometimes, she fights back.
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asmogorna · 2 days ago
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Okay so there’s this ww artist on ig called like tooth lilys or something and he’s always causing drama in the ww fandom and he mouthed off about your art and now heaps of insta ww fans are like talking about you :| free publicity?
ahhhh so thats whats happening .. lmao thats crazy
i checked out their story, and i sure doooo love how they leave some things out when talking about both situations that they mentioned to make me look worse ..
ok so
warning, yap session incoming
the "will wood in a (miku) binder" thing happened back in fall 2023 when i was still semi new to the fandom and didnt know a lot of things. so tho i to this day i dont think it was that big of a deal, i wouldnt do it today
it was an artwork made for shits and giggles, the context of which i have explained here before. i never meant to imply that will wood is trans and i certainly dont "headcanon" him as that. my curse is that even when joking around i tend to try and make my art look good, so i get why people thought it was unironic. and i know that it sounds like a lame ass excuse, but it legit didnt cross my mind that people would think i drew will wood as a trans guy or smth. legit my only thought process was "funny haha internet thing" + "my favorite thing" = "good idea"
now the usage of his real name is something i am genuinely sorry for, but it was an accident and a genuine mistake on my part. i remember seeing someone mention it casually in some comment section, and assuming that it was ok, since i didnt know he was in any way against it. (i also thought that it was the same name that he used in "the real will wood" in that one section cus it sounded a bit similar).
when i was informed about the fact that he doesnt want it spread around i deleted the post right away and apologized, so bringing it up like something i did on purpose and out of malicious intent is a tad bit .. misfitting, if you can use that word
now the hot topic of the day: my waywood art
i have said this before and i will say this again, how i feel about rpf is solely based off how the people involved feel about it
to clarify: i never drew anything inappropriate or even suggestive with them, the "worst" thing is 2 simple sketches of them smoochin. or. this.
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idk if this is what they were referring to when talking about me drawing will wood and gerard way "making out" (specifically. because i think "making out" implies to be more sexual stuff than small kisses). and if so, then it once again feels like blowing things out of proportion
and now the point i want you to get: will wood wouldnt give a flying fuck
like i said earlier, i never drew anything inappropriate, because that would actually cross will's existent and real boundaries. you know, the ones that he stated
im not making some conspiracy theories about him being gay, like some people seem to imply in their inbox messages to me
im not sending a whole ass smut fanfiction to litwtc gmail or something, i dont bother him in instagram dms asking if he wants to fuck gerard way, im not shipping him with people who he actually knows personally and has to look in the eyes of from time to time
im not doing anything that he would actually care about
him and chris have joked about him being attracted to gerard before, and though im not saying that you can joke about everything theyve ever joked about, i feel like in our case its clear that will clearly doesnt care about the implications ? (i generally believe that ww fans would get their panties twisted about less things if more of them listened to what these 2 talk about so calmly on litwtc but i digress)
if he saw that some random teenager on tumblr is drawing him and gerard way (gasp of horror) holding hands, he'd laugh at it max and then move on with his day
people are treating the whole situation like i posted pictures of him from when he was a kid or leaked patreon content or drew him fully naked or anything else that, you know, would actually affect him in one way or another
what im doing is innocent fun which isnt even likely to reach either of them. will wood very rarely checks tumblr and, once again, i genuinely dont believe he would care. and gerard way aint got no internet + he doesnt care x 2
it is weird but rn this is what brings me the most joy, even if its silly to say. both will wood and gerard way mean a lot to me and putting them in situations together makes me happy. i am but a child full of fun whimsy
i wont be posting any more explicitly romantic art to avoid more drama, and i also wont be responding to all the anon messages i received because there are like .. too many of them. an overwhelming amount i'd say. sorry about that
i really didnt mean to cause such a fuss, and i understand why some people might be uncomfortable with what i do
i fully understand why you would dislike my waywood hyperfixation shenanigans, and i dont have a problem w you over that, but treating me like pure evil because of a thing so insignificant is just.. overdoing it
once again, i will be toning it down, but it really isnt the end of the world if i dare to draw will wood and gerard way being a tad bit gay (which is, i apparently need to mention, not me actually saying that will wood the alternative musician is a homosexual gay who is in a genuine for real actual real gay homosexual relationship with gerard fucking way the lead singer of my chemical romance. i think speculating on other people's sexuality and gender identity is boooo tomato tomato tomato)
sorry for the rant and sorry to all who were disappointed by my lack of remorse. come back in a couple years when i turn 18 and stop having fun and artistic freedom
thank you for your attention and i hope i at least cleared some things up to those who werent w me throughout every event where i get involved in fandom drama
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bye bye
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dorkydegeneracy · 2 days ago
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It's crazy that we were all tossing around these theories about how Eddie was going to get Chris back, and arguably one of the more obvious solutions, Eddie returning to El Paso all together to be with Chris, never crossed our minds.
Because let's be honest. IRL this isn't a terrible decision. It's actually quite a good one, considering Chris is seemingly thriving in Texas and all of his blood family is there (radio silence from Tia Pepa and Abuelita (didn't abuela move back to Texas, or is that fanon? The lines between fic and reality are Heavily blurred)). Uprooting Chris' life again would be unnecessarily cruel. Stability is of paramount importance right now after the tumultuous life Chris has had.
There are really only two things that make this idea nonsensical:
1) Eddie moving to El Paso is not going to fix his relationship with his son. He's doing it purely for himself because he is missing out on his son's most formative year. (See #2 for more insight on this.). But Chris doesn't need Eddie to move to El Paso permanently. He needs Eddie to come to terms with why he continues to make these reckless mistakes that affect Chris in a real way. Chris needs Eddie to stop trying to replace Shannon. Chris needs Eddie to move on and be happy so he can be an even better father. Which brings me to. . .
2(a)) Eddie believes that moving to El Paso is going to make him happy because Chris is there. But he is sorrily mistaken. The priest gave him the assignment to stop punishing himself and allow himself to feel joy. And he is choosing to move so that he can be happier by not missing Chris's milestone moments. He's going about the assignment the wrong way. Yes Chris should and does make him happy, but that's not the only thing that makes Eddie happy. It would be incredibly unhealthy if this was true. Eddie LOVES being a fire fighter. Eddie LOVES his fire fam* (more than he likes his parents). And. . .
2(b)) EDDIE LOVES BUCK. There are a million reasons why Eddie loves Buck. But one in particular was illuminated last episode that I don't think the show has ever teased at before.
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Listen, I know we are all obsessed with Buck having his own crisis, but this was the most striking part of the entire scene for me. DO Y'ALL SEE THIS FACE? This is the face of a man who was afraid to let his "best friend" know that he was planning on moving to El Paso to be with his son because he knows that Buck is going through a tough time right now. He didn't want to add another stone to the pile. But Buck isn't a guest in Eddie's house, so he took a peak and ripped the band-aid off. And Buck had the nerve to be 1000% supportive of Eddie's decision. So Eddie makes that 👆🏾face because he CANNOT BELIEVE that Buck would be so selfless. He thinks it's crazy that somebody would unquestionably help him be happy in Buck's scenario.
Eddie, I'm just saying, what we all just saw is HUSBAND-like behavior from Buck. And I know you didn't see the whole thing, and you don't know this, but you have just flipped Buck's world upside down. Your man is dying on the inside. Because BUCK LOVES YOU. But he doesn't know that yet. And he doesn't want to pull you away from your son. Who is also his son. So yeah.
*NOTE: The fire fam is not the same as actual blood family at least not for Chris. I get it, Helena obviously does not have Eddie's interest at heart, which is why her and Ramon taking Chris for three months is cruel, but I think the show is trying to suggest that Chris is indeed thriving in El Paso where he is surrounded by his aunts, uncles, cousins and other family. Those bonds are unique and important. Even if Helena Diaz is conniving. The fire fam in my mind is more crucial for Eddie. Not that the fire fam aren't amazing and provide a comforting familial sense in LA, but. . . you get what I mean. It's just different. Especially since Eddie actually has a big family back home, not all of which he is maligned.
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mysteriouslyjovialcolor · 18 hours ago
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Las Vegas 2024
-Fun Fact: Listening to the national anthem at 12:50 am does not make you feel more awake, but hearing a 1D song in the background of the pre-race interviews does
-Props to Franco Colapinto and the Williams garage for getting back into shape so quickly
-Charles!!! Let’s go!! He really loves those p4s!! How does he manage those starts???
-“It’s a brave man who makes a move against Kevin Magnussen” Hehe
-Go Nico!
-Alpine being the bane of my existence right now
-Seeing Yuki and Nico in p7 and p8 just feels right
-Fernando Alonso is just going for it! I need him to have a good race for once
-Also, Zhou p12??
-“Here comes Charles Leclerc…” And there goes Max Verstappen!!
-Alonso?? Oh he had softs on
-Oscar false start?
-Alpine, you’re back to being good babe
-“I think Charles has to get this move done on George Russel” I think his move on Carlos Sainz was what was more important
-Woah that replay between Kevin and Liam, so close to contact
-Come on Lewis, come on, come on
-Ohmygodd Max!! Lewis!! Aaaaah!
-Yuki and Pierre!!
-Why the hell are the graphics showing Charles p4? Fix that immediately!
-Lewis! Lewis! Lewis!
-Charles and Lando pitting now??
-Ferrari if you mess this up for me I will be having words
-Max and Lewis again!! Making moves!
-Max stuck in a Mercedes sandwich. It’s giving old times
-Okay it’s fine I guess, the pit stop, for Ferrari (but why is Charles behind Carlos)
-Okay Red Bull be good
-No way Merc is double stacking… yeah they’re not
-Okay okayyy Ferrari
-Oh no Ocon? What was that pit stop?
-Would it be crazy for me to manifest a Hulk podium? Yeahh, never mind, he just dropped way down after that stop
-Cool how George still got back out in the lead after pitting
-“No power!” Oh no Pierre. Oh god that’s so unfortunate, so so unfortunate
-Come on Lewis, come on, come on
-Yes!
-Ah Yuki!!
-Charles and Checo (Vegas 2023 I miss you)!
-Okay Checo really needs to pit now
-“I think Hamilton unquestionably has the pace” I’ve been waiting so long to hear that
-We forgot way too quickly how bad that Alpine was, Brazil got us dreaming too big
-“We’ll come back to you” agshsjsvshajnabs
-The way I’ve been urging Lewis on for the last five laps
-Nico! Nico! Nico!
-Lol how is Yuki stuck in a McLaren sandwich again
-“Man these guys are fast on the straights”
-Can people stop with the “shelf-life” comments? So distasteful
-Zhou’s doing pretty well isn’t he?
-“Can we just get a race without problems?” Alex I’m so sorry
-How are Checo and Liam even near each other right now?
-Oh come on Charles
-“Swap positions” Ooh I wasn’t expecting that. Are Ferrari finally taking things seriously??
-Oh my god, Carlos whyyyy?
-“Stay out, stay out, stay out” Come on!!
-Checo finally overtaking the Sauber
-Why not have just let Carlos come in?? Now he might have a penalty? Surely that’s not good
-“Wake up guys! Come on!” Ughhh
-Why hasn’t Lando pit yet?
-I am still so annoyed about Ferrari. What are you doing??
-“His arch rival- nemesis really” The 2021 season was really one for the ages
-I love when Max knows when to play it safe
-George having so much time between him and p2 to pit
-How was I praising Ferrari strategy five seconds earlier?
-How many times are we going make a joke about Yuki’s airport incident? Please just shut up
-Okay Sauber, I had way too much faith in your pit stops there for a second
-If Merc pulls team orders I will scream
-“ All the traffic in one group behind Tsonoda” Why’d that make me laugh
-It’s so funny how I was saying this is giving old times, with a Merc 1-2 and Max p3
-Alonso!!
-Woah Checo! Let’s go! That’s was amazing!!
-“Do you want me to try and keep them behind or what?” “I think you should yeah”
-Still don’t get why Carlos is ahead there
-So confused about this whole Ferrari situation. What is going on?
-Like how is Carlos somehow helping Max cover off his teammate?
-Last five laps. I know we have this in the bag but I’m not trusting that car until it crosses the checkered flag
-“What a talent. What a team” LETS GO BABY
-“He picked his battles well” YES HE DID
-“It’s victory in Vegas” “That’s four in a row Max, four in a row” “Ohmygodd what a season”
-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
-“Vegas baby” I wonder if the baby George fan was awake to see this
-“Formation flying for Mercedes-Benz”
-“Never thought this was possible” The way he pulled through right when it was critical
-Yea!! 4! 4! 4! 4!
-Aw this team
-George and Max hugging! Yuki congratulating Max! Max and Fernando!!
-The other team mechanics nodding their head in acknowledgment>>>
-Aah so happy right now!!
-“I also have to go there?” He’s so cuteee
-“Oh he’s got his own car” Haha
-Max and GP!!
-“I think they got a little spoiled last year with the wins” 😭😭 MAX
-The chants of “Max, Max, Max” in the background>>>
-Ah I’m so so happy
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citrus-moonlight · 2 hours ago
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Tara, I love this chapter so much!!! The way that you manage to create such a tangible desire between the two of them even though she doesn't even know what he looks like (and as far as she knows hasn't met him yet 😏) is incredible.
Reader being able to have a different type of release first when she blocks her mother's number was so satisfying. I love how she's finally able to let go of that part of her as she realizes that it isn't worth it anymore, that she is worth so much more than someone who didn't and doesn't want her, now that she knows what it's like to have someone who does.
"You smile at your phone. Your eyes are watery, your cheeks are warm, and your lips are lopsided and trembling. You can blame all of that on the wine, but the way your heart is battering against your ribcage? You've got it bad for some words on a screen, a hand, a pair of shoes, and a ghost."
I love how gone she already is, how everything is building so intensely and she doesn't even know what he looks like yet. And then when she finally lets herself go to the thought of him, and the realization that the relief barely lasts because now the floodgates are open and she only wants more?? LORD. The tension is so good, and I love how delicious it feels as he metes out little details in pictures and words and how they're all so precious to her as she tries to form a picture in her head to focus her desire on (and I am forever screaming at "I'm not going to describe my cock to you" 😂).
"Well then. I'll keep that in mind. I really liked the maroon silk one, personally. I bet it would feel nice on my skin." >I agree, it would feel very nice on your skin.
Good lord, that man is so smooth. And I am also enjoying that she picks out a maroon one (because now I am thinking about that silk robe, and how they would go so well together 😏).
You're done hesitating. Of course you are. But when you take that step, it's going to be on your terms. You know, instinctively, that you should never give up too much power to him. Both because it would be so easy to lose yourself in him—which you don't want to do now that you've finally found yourself—and because he would delight in never giving it back.
The duality that of him that you show is so good, how he swings from >I could have you however I wanted, couldn't I? to the vulnerability admitting that he wants her to touch his face, the "but I think I will if you do it." I love that contrast between the predatory part of him, the part that's truly so dangerous (and yet so intriguing), but then you continue to show how needy he is underneath that, something he's trying to hide under his own mask (he's so pathetic and touch starved, I need him).
And then of course the smut is always so incredible, the way he talks I am just 🥵🫠😵‍💫. The >Only me. Only I can see you like this and >That's right. I'm going to make you sob my name. He's so possessive and demanding I'm going to lose it.
>It's all I've been able to think about for months. It's going to feel so fucking good to finally get to fuck you and come with my cock buried inside of you. And I'm going to do it over and over again until I physically can't anymore. >Do you understand? I NEED you. Fuck!
Ok, knowing it's speech to text makes this is so fucking hot, imagining how desperate his voice must sound, and then THE FUCKING PICTURE?? EXCUSE ME???? And her almost tipping and that feeling of freefall adding to everything when she comes, oh my god that was such a perfect parallel to this whole experience with him, LIKE JESUS CHRIST TARA THIS IS SO GOOD.
Seriously, I am always beside myself when I come back to this chapter, your dialogue and all of the interactions are always so dynamic even when their just talking and exploring. I am so excited to see where things are going to develop and evolve once she finally meets him! (truly I am gnawing on the walls, your slow burns are always so amazing, it drives me crazy and I love every minute of it!) 💖
Seriously, I am always beside myself when I come back to this chapter, your dialogue and all of the interactions are always so dynamic even when they're just talking and exploring. I am so excited to see where things are going to develop and evolve once she finally meets him! Truly I am gnawing on the walls, the way you write and and slowly ratchet up the need and tension is always so mind meltingly good, that slow burn drives me crazy and I love every minute of it! 💖💖💖
The Devil Makes Us Sin
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Fandom: Luther, Luther: The Fallen Sun
Pairing: David Robey/F!Reader
Chapter 4/? (12.8k words)
->start at chapter 1<-
<- Chapter 3
AO3 Link
Summary: Your life isn't perfect, and you don't enjoy moonlighting as a camgirl for so many repulsive men, but you need the money and it's yours. You're getting by just fine. You're content.
At least you thought you were. Then you get a strange text message. And you aren't sure if you're horrified or intrigued.
Warnings: Explicit rating, smut, stalking, spying, blackmail, manipulation, dubcon, dubious consent, Dom/sub, sadism, masochism, unprotected sex, oral sex, masturbation, mutual masturbation, choking, dirty talk, praise, humiliation, possessive love, yandere, minor description of gore, minor description of violence, murder, discussion of murder, shame involving sex work, light shaming of sex work, emotionally abusive mother, troubled mother/daughter relationship, sexual harassment, workplace sexual harassment, alcohol consumption, religious trauma
A/N: To all of my fellow readers with mother issues, this chapter is for us 💖 Because those troubled mother/daughter relationship and emotionally abusive mother tags hit real hard this chapter (I'm not projecting, you're projecting). But I eventually make it up to you, I promise. (As a reminder from my notes last chapter, David uses voice to text when they're chatting 😏) Also, I changed the formatting for texting conversations because eventually there will be texting while there is external dialogue, and I don't want it to be confusing. So his texts continue to be in italics and Reader's are in italics AND quotes.
Work title is from "Paradise Circus" by Massive Attack. Chapter title is from Tanaka Mhishi's poem in Literary Sexts II. Text divider 1 is from Francisco de Goya's Witches Flight. Text divider 2 is from Caravaggio's Sacrifice of Isaac.
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Chapter 4 - I am fragile and unholy. Open. Ravage. Eat.
That night, after calming down from your conversation with David, you finally do the thing that you've been putting off for far too long. The thing that causes panic to swell in your chest and your mind to recoil whenever you start to examine it. 
You think about your mother.
So you pour a glass of wine, set your phone off to the side, flop down on your couch, and you begin to metaphorically unpack.
You've always prided yourself on being an intelligent woman. You know, logically, this will help you feel better in the long run. It will help you heal. Help you grow. And right now that's what you yearn for—to know and embrace yourself as you truly are, not who you pretended to be for so long that you almost believed it. Not your mask.
The mask that you built because of her, you think. One crafted out of fear and shame. Other people may have honed it, but she laid the foundation.
You also know she's the reason you have so many hang ups and difficulties forming connections with people. You know it's part of the reason you've been miserable for so long. You know this needs to be done. You know that.
It still…well, it hurts.
You learned at a young age to be fiercely independent because you couldn't count on her for support. Or encouragement. Or warmth. Her answer was always the same: "Pray or go to confession." As if all of your problems were your own fault or stemmed from a lack of faith.
And the message was clear—The only love you'll ever get is God's love. Maybe he can fix you.
You wanted it, though. God, did you want her to gather you in her arms and tell you, just once, that she was proud of you. That she truly loved you. You did everything you could to please and placate and impress her, hoping if you were good enough or hid well enough, you might finally get all of that. You got good grades, you were well-behaved, and you went to church, even when you stopped believing. You gave up your dream of being an artist for her, for christsake!
Sure, a part of that was because she tainted the piece of yourself you turned to for expression and escape. But since you're already unpacking every horrible bit of this, you can finally admit to yourself that you also gave it up for her.
For nothing.
Because it didn't work. Getting a business degree and an office job didn't make her proud, it only created a new direction in which you were lacking. You lost a part of yourself and got nothing in return. The thought of it makes you so angry that hot tears prick your eyes.
You get up to pour yourself another glass of wine.
You don't even know why your mother treated you the way she did. You think that if you could at least know why it might be easier to stomach. Then you wouldn't feel so confused and lost. Sure, it would hurt, but it would be something solid you could sit with.
Perhaps she saw that you weren't what she would call normal, and she hated it—wanted to spurn you into changing and hiding. It's ironic, then, that her disgust just fueled that darkness within you. Gave it the sustenance it needed to grow, devoid of warmth, in the corners of your heart and mind.
Maybe all of this would have turned out differently, if only she had loved you.
Or perhaps that's just who she is, and, even if you had been everything she wanted, it still wouldn't have made a difference. Still wouldn't have been good enough. You got it from somewhere, after all.
You'll never know either way.
What you do know is this: If you couldn't count on your own mother, then why would you ever think you could count on or trust anyone else?
Why wouldn't they brush you aside eventually as well? Why bother getting close to anyone—assuming they didn't bore you in the first place? Why wouldn't they see the real you and look just as disgusted as the one person that should have loved you unconditionally? 
And people continuously proved you right by walking away when you didn't thaw under their attention or they caught a glimpse of that darkness—until David. Until he looked and saw the real you, and it only made him want you more.
Well, you're thawing now.
No.
You're melting.
You wonder what your mother would think of you if she could see you at this very moment. On one hand, you've laid waste to the life you built for yourself for a man that stalked you. She'd have a few choice words for you there, such as disappointment and embarrassment. "What will people think?" But on the other hand, you finally have someone and he's rich, which would go a long way towards forgiveness. Because, even though she prides herself on her piety, pride is her greatest sin. She would tell everyone she knew, as if it were her achievement, while conveniently leaving out the rest of it. Like the fact that you're happy.
As you're pouring your third glass of wine, you debate calling her. It's not too late. She should still be awake. You can finally ask her why. Why nothing you've done has ever been good enough. Why she cared about God and what everyone else thought more than her own daughter. 
You can ask her why you can't remember the last time she hugged you or told you she loved you. Because a daughter should be able to recall that, shouldn't she? Oh, she said it plenty in front of other people. She gave you scraps with no meaning behind the words or warmth in her eyes. But in private, where no one else was watching her performance? You got nothing. You starved for affection. Maybe you can ask her why.
But you know that's the alcohol talking.
And it wouldn't do any good anyway. You won't get the answers you seek or the apology you need. You won't get promises to do better. You won't get a mom.
This was all for nothing.
Instead, you pick up your phone and block her number.
No contact. A clean cut. Never again.
You expect that to hurt, too, but for the first time since you started this, you feel lighter. Because you're finally done looking for hope where there isn't any to be found. You're also finally acknowledging that you deserved everything she never gave you. And that isn't a failing on your part—it never was. It's her failure. Another one of her sins. Now it's her loss.
Maybe you should have done that years ago, but you're doing it now. You're moving forward and letting go, and that's what's important.
While your phone is in your hand, you check your messages to confirm that David hasn't sent you anything. You aren't surprised. You hadn't expected him to. But that doesn't mean you didn't want him to.
You want it all the time now, you realize. It's only been a couple of hours since you ended the call, but you'd still love nothing more than to get back on and talk to him again until the early hours of the morning.
You may have been able to stop yourself from angrily calling your mother, but the combination of wine and your already weakening grasp on your self-control when it comes to him means you're typing before you even realize it.
"Thank you. For everything. I can never say it enough, David, because you've done more for me than any person in my life EVER has. I mean it. Truly. I'm so grateful."
"Also, for the record, I'm certain I could pick you out of a crowd now."
You're welcome. Always.
And I'll keep that in mind the next time I need coffee.
You smile at your phone. Your eyes are watery, your cheeks are warm, and your lips are lopsided and trembling. You can blame all of that on the wine, but the way your heart is battering against your ribcage?
You've got it bad for some words on a screen, a hand, a pair of shoes, and a ghost.
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The next morning, you sleep in until a gloriously late hour. Just because you can. And because last night was emotionally exhausting—you're certain the wine didn't help either. Even when you're no longer tired, you lie in bed, wrapped in the warmth of your blankets, and bask in the knowledge that you never have to go back to that office ever again.
Or speak to your mother, you think with a contented sigh.
You feel untethered, but not adrift. No, you know exactly which direction you're headed, and now you have the freedom to do so.
Eventually you resume your search for a new bed on your phone as well because you start to think about how blissful this lounging would have been on a comfortable mattress. With silk sheets. And a new nightgown... Oh, now there's an interesting thought. You could get something new and sexy. Maybe something with lace. Or more silk. Or, even better, something sheer that barely covers your ass.
You also think about how much David would enjoy all of those things.
You start off looking at sleepwear that leans more sensible than sexy, but as you begin to wonder what he would think of each one, you quickly find yourself clicking on more and more revealing pieces.
It's when you're looking at a see through, drapey number that comes off with only a clasp between your breasts that your phone buzzes with a new text message.
You grin. You wondered how long it would be before he reached out to you. Now you're absolutely certain he's keeping tabs on you and saw how racy your searches were getting. Part of you was doing it on purpose—baiting him until he couldn't resist any longer. Even if it gave him away. You know better than to trust a coincidence.
Are you enjoying your first day of freedom?
"Immensely. I haven't even gotten out of bed yet." You're smug as you hit send because now you've added the thought of you in bed to his mental image of the lingerie.
Is that so? Sounds as though you're having a lovely morning.
Any other exciting plans for the day?
"Not unless you count a date with a book on my nightstand."
Depends on what kind of book.
"Well, there are two of them for me to choose from. One is a murder mystery. The other is a steamy romance novel." It's a lie. You have two art history books and an Amedeo Modigliani biography on your nightstand.
I see. Two very different types of thrilling.
"Exactly. On one hand, the murder mystery would stimulate my brain."
It takes a minute longer for you to get a response to that.
And what would the romance novel stimulate?
"My heart, David. What else?" You bite your lip in excitement as you continue to type.
"Now tell me which one you would like best."
If I had to choose between the two, I would prefer the murder mystery.
"Of course you would. But I meant which of the lingerie you would like best. Because I know you were watching me."
There's another pause.
All of them.
"All of them?! But there were so many!"
I'm certain. I liked all of them.
Especially since you'd be the one wearing them.
A pleasant heat unfurls in your chest and creeps up your neck at the thought of him sitting there, watching you browse, picturing you in every outfit…and maybe even saving a few of the links for later.
"Well then. I'll keep that in mind. I really liked the maroon silk one, personally. I bet it would feel nice on my skin."
I agree, it would feel very nice on your skin.
Fuck.
The mental image of his hand trailing up your thigh—pushing the hem of the nightgown higher and higher while the fabric and his palm slide over your quivering flesh—flashes vividly through your mind.
You had been enjoying a morning of relaxation and contentment just a few minutes ago. Even with a bit of light teasing about the lingerie, it had been peaceful. Now? Now that feeling has been reshaped and is nothing more than a memory. Now a slick heat has ignited in your core, and you're left nearly panting and writhing in your blankets from the intensity of it.
How quickly he can send you reeling.
God, you're definitely buying that one. Later. Right now, however, you finally have the chance to flirt with him—really flirt—and you're going to take it. Because you know where this is headed. You know where it could have resolved yesterday but didn't because you were at work.
And you're so glad you're not at work right now, stuck squirming and struggling at your desk as you try to ignore the swollen ache between your legs. Instead, you're squirming in the privacy of your bed, and you no longer have to ignore anything. Now you have no intention of stopping.
This is how you want to respond to him.
You're also really enjoying feigning innocence, and you're curious to see how much longer he'll play along. Because you have no illusions that he's buying a second of it.
"I don't think I'll be getting the black one with the sheer lace top, though. It didn't look very comfortable. I wouldn't be able to wear it for long."
Before he can reply, you quickly type out, "Wait. You're not busy, are you? I should have asked first before carrying on about my online shopping. That was rude of me."
I'm not anymore.
"Just get out of a meeting?"
I just canceled my last meeting because I've suddenly found something much better to do.
"Is helping me pick out pajamas really that thrilling?"
You can stop playing dumb now. You and I both know exactly what you're doing.
"What am I doing?" You straighten up and hold your breath in anticipation. You must be getting to him. You expected him to hold out just a little bit longer. Not that you're complaining. Not when you know you have his full attention.
You're trying to get me bothered as payback for yesterday.
"Is it working?"
You know it is.
"And just how bothered are you?"
Very.
You let out a shaky breath as you sink back into your pillows and begin to settle in. "Good. But that's not the only reason I'm doing this, David."
Is that so? What other reason do you have?
"Because I want to. Because I'm enjoying having the freedom to respond to you the way that I want."
Intriguing. And how are you doing that?
"I'm sure you'll find out soon enough." You shift your phone to your dominant hand to keep it steady. Then your other hand disappears beneath your covers and continues traveling down to the waistband of your panties.
Will I?
"You will. As long as you continue to please me." You nudge the fabric out of the way to give yourself the access you need and eagerly slip your hand inside. When your fingers finally brush over your arousal, you groan with relief.
There's nothing I want more than to please you.
"Is that so? How are you going to do that?" You repeat his words back to him as you rub a little harder along your damp folds. The added pressure makes your eyelids go heavy with lust. You spread your legs wider, seeking even more of that friction.
By giving you what you need.
God, you want that. From him. The thought of it makes you ache. Your fingers move to circle over your clit, dragging some of your wetness with them, and you moan into your empty bedroom. You shakily type out, "And what do I need?"
Me.
Shit. You had planned to go slow and tease yourself. You wanted to draw out the banter so you could savor your first time touching yourself to him. Because, despite the fact that he's turned you into a horny wreck several times already, you've held off until now. But as you read his text—that single word—it's as if your body has been doused in kerosene and lit on fire. Your hand speeds up.
"You seem awfully sure of that."
I'm very sure.
Are you going to tell me that I'm wrong? Or are you going to be honest?
You quickly debate finding a way to deny it. To get him to push harder because his arrogant confidence is stoking the flame in your belly and you want more. But every response you come up with sounds so flimsy. You know it won't work. He'll just call out the lie. He knows exactly how you're responding to him now, and he won't let it go, like a shark sensing blood in the water.
Well, if he wants to circle, then you'll give him prey instead—something he can't resist.
"Honest."
There's a good girl. Then be honest for me. Tell me what you need.
You cry out and your hips roll to meet the rhythm of your fingers. Your other hand is still gripping your cell phone, holding onto it for dear life so you don't drop it and miss a single word. "You."
That's right. And are you thinking about me right now?
"Yes." You are. You're thinking about his hands all over you, driving you wild and breathless and working needy little whimpers from your throat.
Very good. I hope you're thinking about all of the things I plan to do to you when I finally get my hands on you.
"Tell me. Please." More, you think. God, you need more.
And spoil the surprise? You'll have to use your imagination for now.
You grunt in frustration. "That's a little difficult when I don't know what you look like."
That is unfortunate, isn't it?
He's so god-damned smug! Jesus, it's infuriating!
There's a responding surge of wetness beneath your fingers, and the slick sound becomes obscene in your quiet bedroom.
"I've told you, it's unfair."
Nothing about this is supposed to be fair.
Your grip weakens and your phone nearly slips from your grasp, but you frantically right it. You're getting so close… "David, please!"
I promise when we move forward, you'll find out for yourself. But only when you're ready.
Unless you're done hesitating?
You know he's dangling that in front of you, tempting you with what you want so you'll say yes. You want to say yes. You want to call him right now and let him hear you say it as you moan and beg into the phone.
But that's giving him too much.
You're done hesitating. Of course you are. But when you take that step, it's going to be on your terms. You know, instinctively, that you should never give up too much power to him. Both because it would be so easy to lose yourself in him—which you don't want to do now that you've finally found yourself—and because he would delight in never giving it back.
"I suppose we'll see, won't we? I would hate to ruin the surprise."
Now who's being unfair?
"I'm only playing by your rules."
Clever.
My clever, beautiful girl. I can't wait to see you like this. I bet you look so good for me right now. Don't you?
"Yes!"
That's right. So fucking good and needy for me. God, I want you so much.
Your grip goes slack again, and this time you do drop your phone onto the bed. But you don't stop to pick it up. You're too far gone now, and you couldn't type even if you wanted to. Instead, you redouble your effort and greedily chase your orgasm, your hand moving in rapid strokes against your clit.
It's fast and messy and desperate. You haven't masturbated like this in years, but the tension has been building inside of you. It's grown under all of his teasing, his suggestive comments, his perceptive observations, and his unrevealing photos until you couldn't ignore it any longer. Now you need to release it at last—to immolate yourself in your desire.
For him.
"David," you moan. His name rolls off your tongue for the first time in ecstasy. It happens so naturally, as if you've said it that way a hundred times before. As if your mouth knows the way to give shape to your longing.
Hearing his name, when you're already poised on that edge, is your undoing.
You throw your head back into the pillow and arch off the bed with a cry as that tension finally snaps, sending a white hot fission through your veins in its place. Your toes curl and your newly freed hand bunches a fistful of your sheets, pulling them taut while your whole body shudders with every violent swell of pleasure.
As you come, all you can think about is him. "Fuck!" The movement of your fingers over your clit becomes jerky, but never slows. You're determined to make every second of this feel so fucking good. "David!" It rolls and rolls and rolls through you, weakening and yet seemingly without end as you work every last bit of rapture from your sensitive flesh—
Until, finally, you collapse against the bed with a whimper, and your hand flops weakly down onto the mattress next to you. You lay there, gasping for breath, your eyes closed, and your limbs and your brain and your belly humming in the heady afterglow of your release.
By all accounts, this should bring you a bone deep satisfaction. It should have quelled the fire that burns for him, even if only temporarily.
But as your mind clears, you feel quite the opposite. As if something has awakened inside of you, stirring from a deep slumber in that same way he roused your darkness.
And it's ravenous.
You grope along the bedspread for your phone.
When you pick it back up, your hands are still trembling from the intensity of your orgasm.
"I think I'm rather enjoying my new freedom."
So am I.
A groan is wrenched from your chest as you glance up at his previous messages and wonder just how much he was enjoying it. You have a pretty good guess.
"God, David. I miss you."
I miss you, too. But not for much longer.
"Would you like to chat now?" There's a renewed flutter of interest from your swollen sex as you think about doing this again, but for him.
There's nothing I want more. Unfortunately, I have some important personal matters to take care of this afternoon, but I promise the evening is yours. How does 6 o'clock sound?
There's a pang of disappointment in your chest. That's hours from now! But before you can pout, you remind yourself that you're an adult. You can control and entertain yourself until then, for christsake. Besides, he said the evening was yours. You'll have plenty of time to talk to him later.
You also really want to ask what sort of personal matters because you're curious about what they could be, and about him in general, but he would have elaborated if he wanted you to know. The word personal also denotes a certain level of privacy. So you leave it be. For now.
"That sounds lovely. I'm looking forward to it."
Me too. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy your date with the book on your nightstand.
"I've changed my mind there, actually. I have a lot more shopping to do instead." You give your phone a little grin.
Oh?
"Yes. It's been so productive and satisfying thus far. Who knows what other wonderful things might result from it?"
I see.
"I hope you enjoy your afternoon."
I'm certain I will. Enjoy your shopping.
You end up purchasing some of the lingerie that gets you particularly worked up whenever you think about him—especially the maroon one. Then you spend the rest of your day purging your wardrobe of your boring work clothes and whatever else reminds you too much of your old life. The result is a sparse apartment and an even barer closet, but you like it. It's a reflection of where you are in life and of all the room you have to grow and rebuild the way you want.
You may occasionally take breaks from downsizing to browse for new outfits and dresses, but it's to figure out what you like so you can eventually replace what you're getting rid of. It's definitely not to keep David intrigued throughout the day and looking forward to talking to you again. Not when he's so busy. That would be cruel.
You can't remember ever smiling this much.
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You log on several minutes early. You don't care that it's probably a little pathetic. You don't even care if it lets him know exactly how eager you are for this. You've been checking the clock since five and you were getting impatient. You can only pace so many circles in your living room before you lose your mind. Not that sitting there and staring at your own face is any better, but at least it gets you closer to him.
To your relief, he logs on a few minutes early, too. Possibly because he knows you're already here, but you hope it’s because he was impatient as well. The electronic chime makes your heart swell in your chest.
"Hello, David."
Hello, darling.
The image of you on the screen practically swoons at his greeting. There's no other way to describe the gentle tilting of your head, your dreamy smile, or how your eyes soften with affection.
You barely recognize this woman.
You're not sure you've ever made that face before now. Or if you have, it was when the National Gallery rotated Cornelius van Haarlem's Two Followers of Cadmus devoured by a Dragon back into display after you hadn't seen it in a while. Never for another person. Certainly not for a black square not even three centimeters wide.
This man is dangerous.
Getting impatient, were you?
"I knew you were going to say something," you grumble as you fight off a sudden wave of embarrassment.
How could I not? You have no idea how lovely this feeling is. It's gratifying to have such a beautiful woman wanting to talk to you.
You lean in close and lower your voice. "In that case, I was very impatient."
Hmm. I'm so very pleased to hear it.
Did you have a productive afternoon?
"I did, actually. I accomplished quite a bit."
Good. And did you have fun shopping?
"You know I did." You give the camera a heated smile. While it wasn't as risque as the lingerie, the clothes you were looking at—low cut silky blouses, high slit skirts, backless tops, skin tight pants—were still sexy, just in a more subtle way.
Do I?
You roll your eyes and ignore the obvious bait—something that would have irritated a response from you just a few days ago. "How was your afternoon?"
Also productive, despite the circumstances.
"Circumstances?" You cock an eyebrow, no longer able to ignore it. He really does know how to push your buttons, after all, much to your chagrin. "Do you mean with your personal matters or do you mean spying on me?"
Both, but I wouldn't call it spying.
"Well, I would! So it serves you right." Despite your fake outrage, you're thrilled he was still paying attention, even when he was busy.
Do you want me to stop?
You pause to consider your answer. You think you should probably be unsettled that he's monitoring all of your activity. If any other man did that, you would be furious and horrified, but he's not any other man. He's also not holding it over you, making you feel bad, or controlling what you're doing. So far—your answer would change if he were. He's simply looking.
And you enjoy knowing that he's looking. In a strange way, it makes you feel connected to him, even when you aren't chatting, as if it's just another aspect of your relationship. It also makes you feel like you're the most important and interesting thing in his life—you'll admit that particular feeling has become quite addictive. You enjoy being able to take advantage of it as well, like you did this afternoon.
However, there may be times when you do want privacy for a specific reason. He certainly doesn't need to know every detail about your hygiene purchases or your embarrassing Google searches. Well, future embarrassing searches, anyway. It also makes it very difficult to surprise him if he can see what you're up to.
"No, I don't want you to stop." Your lips curl into a seductive smile. "I like it quite a bit, in fact. I just have one condition."
What's that?
"If I do ever ask for privacy, you give it to me. No questions asked and no looking."
Of course. Then you'll have it.
"I mean it," you say seriously. "I need to trust you'll respect my wishes."
You have my word that I will give you privacy whenever you request it. You only ever need to ask.
"Alright." You relax in your chair, mollified by his response. Because you believe him. "Thank you, David."
You're welcome.
Now tell me about your productivity.
"That's not a very exciting topic of conversation, I'm afraid. In fact, most of it was quite boring."
Tell me anyway.
"Well, I went through my flat and got rid of everything that felt like it belonged to the person I was pretending to be and not me."
I see. That doesn't sound boring. You shed another one of your layers.
I bet it felt good.
"It did! It felt freeing. I didn't realize before how much my place felt like a stage. As if the performance didn't stop, even when I was alone. And when I had a roommate? God, no wonder I was always so miserable."
It's also probably why you grew to resent every roommate you've ever had, no matter how much you didn't mind or tolerated them when they moved in. It didn't matter if they were quiet or cleaned up after themselves. Their presence meant the only place you could truly let your guard down was your bedroom. It was exhausting.
"But now the set dressings are gone. No more calf length pencil skirts or tacky lingerie. No more gifted kitchen gadgets and holiday candles. No more cheap art prints of pieces that I don't even like.” Then you grumble, “God, I swear I had like, half a dozen versions of Irises.”
No more mask.
"No more mask," you repeat out loud with a sigh of relief. Even saying it feels incredible. "Speaking of, you'll be pleased to hear I've also been doing some reflecting since we talked yesterday." You can't help the smug grin that creeps onto your face.
Oh?
"Yes. I've figured out where my reflex to apologize when I think I've upset or inconvenienced someone comes from."
Have you? Does that mean you're ready to talk about your mother?
You huff out a laugh and shake your head. Of course. You should have seen that coming. "You're frighteningly good at that."
It's a gift.
You can feel his smirk through your screen. "So it is. And I'm glad to know that I'm predictable."
I never used that word.
"It's true, though." You shrug, unbothered by your own statement. "It's a behavior that's usually learned in childhood. In this instance, I'm not particularly unique."
I disagree.
"I just meant that a lot of people have troubled relationships with their parents." A lot of them developed the same issues from it as well, you think to yourself. Granted, the cliche is that women in the sex work industry have daddy issues, not mommy issues. So perhaps you're not entirely predictable.
And yet, they're not you. They didn't become what you are.
"And just what am I?" That's another thing you haven't looked at too closely. You've been so consumed with the "who," you haven't really considered the "what."
You're something entirely different. Something more like me.
"That's not an answer."
I assure you, it is.
"It's not, David," you insist. "I still don't fully know what that means!"
If you're expecting me to pathologize you instead, I'm not going to.
"Why not?" You tilt your head curiously. You weren't actually expecting him to, but now you're intrigued as to why he won't.
Because that's not an answer to your question either. Those terms and labels are just more costumes that don't suit you. You're far more than that.
Before you can object that you disagree and that it might actually help you understand yourself better, he continues on. As if he anticipated what you were going to say.
It would also imply there's something wrong with you. But there's nothing wrong with you, despite what anyone may have told you in the past.
"You really do have me all figured out, don't you?" There's more affection in your voice than you intended.
I told you. I see you.
"You do. And I'm guessing you see my text message history, too." You raise an eyebrow at the camera in challenge, daring him to deny it.
You thought a lot about what else he would have access to after he blindsided you with the knowledge of your side bank account. Reading your texts would be absurdly easy in comparison, so of course he knows about your relationship with your mother. It's also how he knew that threatening to tell her your secret would be so effective.
That as well.
"I think that's the first thing I know you've seen that I feel embarrassed about."
Why?
"Because it means you've seen the worst of my mask," you say quietly.
I wouldn't say that. I saw a daughter desperate for her mother's affection and approval.
"Oh, god," you groan as you rub a hand over your face, completely mortified by his phrasing, but unable to find fault in it. "That's exactly what I mean!"
You're not the one who should be embarrassed by those messages.
"I'm the only one that is. Or will be. Trust me, she thinks everything she's ever said to me was righteous and justified, and you can't get blood from a stone." You flop your hand back onto the desk—a little harder than you meant to—and it makes your webcam shake.
You can already feel that mixture of hurt and anger rising in your throat and threatening to spill out. You quickly swallow it down and take a deep breath to regain control over your emotions. You're not going to have a breakdown on camera because of her. You're done letting her hurt you.
It's not righteous or justified, but I'm guessing you know that already.
"I do, but I appreciate the reassurance anyway." You give him a soft, grateful smile. Then your face falls as you glance back down to your keyboard. "What else did you see?"
Most of your text conversations with her are arguments. I suspect your phone conversations are similar.
"They are," you confirm without hesitation. "I don't think we know how to communicate any other way."
But you're not the instigator, are you?
"No," you sigh heavily. "I do everything I can to avoid an argument because I'm just so tired of it, but it usually doesn't matter. She can always find fault with my tone or something I've said. And of course there's also the fact that I don't go to church, don't have an important career, haven't gotten married, and don't have or want children. You can imagine her disappointment."
I shudder to think.
What an exhausting, horrible woman.
"That she is," you can't help but laugh. Despite the heavy topic of conversation, his irritation on your behalf is endearing. "I hate calling her or answering the phone. And God forbid I need something! You'll note that when I needed money to keep my flat, I became a camgirl before I even thought about asking her for help."
I had noticed you never considered doing anything else. Then I read your messages and it wasn't difficult to understand why.
You try not to feel mortified once again at the reminder that he's seen those. Instead, you tell yourself that he saw them and he kept looking. They didn't disgust him or scare him off—from you anyway. Even after reading them, he still wanted you.
You truly understand now what he's always meant when he says he sees you. It's a very assuring, lovely thought.
"It turned out to be a wonderful decision, at least." You give the camera a coy smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.
I would have to agree. A very wonderful decision.
"She wouldn't have helped me anyway, so I knew it was pointless. The few times she did, she lorded it over me constantly. As if I should be forever in her debt because she paid for my university textbooks years ago."
Is that another reason you were so afraid to take my money? Or why you were worried about feeling as though you owed me?
"Huh…" You lean back in your chair as you mull THAT one over. You hadn't quite connected those dots yet, but now that he's pointed it out, you have always been bad at accepting any help or gifts. Every single one felt like it came with an unspoken expectation or debt of some kind that would be called upon later. Now you know why.
You briefly wonder what other sort of connections you'll make in the future. Because you're starting to realize there are still plenty of them left to be uncovered.
"I think that was part of it, certainly, but you have to admit, the circumstances were also a very big factor as to why I didn't want your money."
Of course. You thought I was trying to buy you.
"I absolutely did! And in a way, you were," you tease. "It was just my attention you were paying for."
I made no attempt to hide that what I wanted was you, but it really was a gift. I knew the money would give you the freedom to think about everything I said, and once you did, you could no longer ignore your mask. Then maybe you would finally rid yourself of it. I wanted that for you.
And I wanted to see what would become of you when your strings were cut.
"Well, are you pleased with your handiwork?"
Quite pleased. I'm enjoying seeing the real you and how beautifully you've flourished in the light, now that you're no longer hiding.
"I have flourished, haven't I? I feel at home in my own skin for the first time in my life." You arch your shoulders, stretching lazily as if to savor the truth of your statement, before resting your forearms on the desk. You look quite pleased with yourself as well. "For so long I've been afraid to peel back all those layers and confront what's underneath, but now that I'm finally realizing who I am and what I want, I can't stop picking. I like what's underneath."
So do I.
You deserve to be proud. You've been working very hard to find your truth.
A warmth radiates through your chest at his praise.
"I have." Then you smile sadly. "Unfortunately, the truth hasn't always been painless."
No. It's never that.
"But every second has been worth it to have this." You glance up at the camera and let the double meaning hang in the air.
I'm glad. And I would have to agree. Wholeheartedly.
After a hesitation, you say, "One of those painful truths was realizing that my mother probably had a big hand in making me what I am."
Darling, NO.
The only thing she had a hand in was making you feel ashamed of yourself or like you had to hide what you are. She tried to destroy something exquisite and she failed. You are what you are despite her.
Do you know why? It's because you're better than her. You always have been and she knows it. Why do you think she treats you the way she does? That woman is a monster and she doesn't deserve any part of you.
Your eyes immediately fill with tears as you read the chat box. No one's ever told you that before. You may have come to the same conclusion last night, but you had no idea how much you needed to hear it from someone else, so to speak. Now hearing it from him?
"God, David. I've never…" you trail off, your voice choked with emotion. It takes you a second to get control over yourself enough to continue. "Thank you. And you're right." You sniffle and quickly try to blink away the tears. Then with more force, you say, "I've endured her for too long. Thankfully, I never have to again. I blocked her number last night and I'm cutting her out of my life."
You did?
"I did. Once I realized there was nothing good there to hold onto, even the idea of removing her from my life brought me more peace and happiness than having her in it ever did."
Good. I hope it does.
"So far, so good." You give him a teary smile.
I'm sure that couldn't have been easy.
"It wasn't. Or at least the process of coming to that conclusion wasn't, but it was all far more anticlimactic than I thought it would be."
Is that why you sent me that message?
"Oh, god." Your face begins to burn with embarrassment as you remember texting him while more than a little tipsy. "Yes," you finally answer sheepishly while you glance up at the ceiling. 
Why are you embarrassed by that?
"Because, if I'm being honest, I was two and a half glasses of wine in when I sent that."
Were you now?
"I was. I knew it was the only way I would be able to cope with that whole process."
And did it help?
"I think it did. I got through it, anyway. I'm just glad that I didn't call or text her. God, that would have been a trainwreck." You glance suggestively up at the camera and lower your voice. "I have far less self-control when it comes to you, apparently."
You have no idea how much I enjoy hearing that.
"But we should both be grateful that I didn't send you anything messier than I already did."
I don't know, sounds intriguing.
"See, you're thinking about me sending you something sexy, but I'm worried about sending you something frantic and emotional," you laugh. "Which would have been far more likely given the circumstances."
Hmm. I see your point.
"So anticlimactic really was for the best all around. And it's done now."
Good riddance.
"Do you want to know the worst part, though?" This time there's a bitterness to your smile, and it doesn't meet your eyes. "Through all of this, I never stopped wanting her to love me. I tried so hard. I never stopped trying, but she did. A long time ago. She'll never be the mom that I want, just like I was never the daughter she wanted. I know that now and I've finally made peace with that reality. Plus, realizing I would never understand or get any sort of closure was another big catalyst for me to finally pull that trigger the way I did." Your face finally softens. "But I never would have confronted any of that if not for you."
You would have gotten there on your own. Eventually.
“Possibly. I was getting exhausted from it. To the point that everytime my phone rang, I considered tossing it out the window rather than answer it.”
I could make her life miserable, you know.
If you asked it of me.
"Tempting." You let out a chuckle and wipe away the remnants of a tear drying on your cheek. "But I'd rather her not be in my life at all, even through you. I'm making a clean cut so she can no longer use me to build herself up, and for her that will be a worse punishment than anything you could think of."
I don't know. I have a very vivid imagination.
But I will leave it be unless you change your mind.
"I do appreciate the offer." You smile gratefully. "That's twice now you've given me the opportunity for vengeance."
It won't be the last, should you ever feel the need for it.
"Is it strange that I find the thought of you wanting to make someone miserable for hurting me sweet and endearing?"
No.
I would hurt anyone you asked me to, even if all they did was annoy you.
"You would?"
I would. Without hesitation. For you.
"Fuck," you gasp as you squirm in your seat, suddenly very turned on. "I really like the thought of that."
Do you?
"I do." 
How much?
"This much." You bite your lip as you bring your hands to your top. Then you begin to slowly unbutton your blouse. The heat that started between your thighs rises to your belly. This is finally happening.
There's a pause.
You're sure?
"Yes. I'm so sure you didn't even have to ask." Your fingers continue to methodically work each loop as you speak, driven on by determination. "I'm done hesitating. I want this, David. I wanted it last night before I got interrupted, and I wanted it this afternoon."
You’ve found closure for so much of your past—all the ties to your old life, your social media, your friends, your job, your mother—and you're done looking back. All you want now is to move forward. After all the emotional turmoil you went through to get to this point, all you want is to fall into him.
Once you’ve finished, your top spills open, revealing the cups of your bra and your bare stomach on the screen. The chat box sits, unmoving, and you realize he must be watching very carefully. So you slide the fabric down your arms, seductively arching your chest towards the camera to make a show of it, until it comes free. You toss it to the side without looking. Then you're left in nothing but your bra and skirt.
"I want you to see me. All of me. I want to show you what you're missing, hiding from me behind that screen. You could be here with your hands and your mouth on me, instead, you know. I want you to think about that, and I want you to touch yourself while you do." You look directly into the webcam with all of the desire, need, and heat that has been building up inside of you for the past week. "Because I plan to as well. Again."
You have no idea how much I’ve resisted doing all of that. It's taken every ounce of my self-control to resist you.
"Why can't we just give in then?" You beg for the camera. "Why can't we just skip this part? Come here now. Tonight. Touch me instead."
You aren't ready for that yet.
"I strongly disagree!" You scoff, almost offended at the implication that you don't know what you want.
Besides, I get to see you like this first, remember? I get to see you in a way no one else ever has. I've earned it.
"You have," you sigh in acceptance. You knew it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. "Don't worry, I'll give it to you. Not just because I'm too fucking horny to argue with you properly right now, but also because I said I would, and I'm still going to enjoy letting go for you. Just know that it's a poor substitute for you. Because what I really want is to hear your voice as you tell me how good it feels to fuck me. I want to hear the way you moan and gasp when you lose control of yourself inside of me. I want to know your face when you do. Because I want you, David."
It takes a moment for him to reply. You're aware you'll never get to know exactly how he responded to you. You'll never get to see the look on his face or hear the sounds he made as you said those things to him. But, you think with no small amount of smugness, you can take a very good guess.
Then you'll have me. Soon.
Until then, show me what I'll have.
Take off the rest of your clothes. I want to see you.
You stand up from your chair to do as he instructed. The angle of the camera means your face is no longer in view, and it reminds you so much of your streams that it's momentarily jarring. But once you unzip your skirt, you bend forward to push it down your hips, and the sight of your own face brings you back to the moment.
The one where you're stripping for your stalker slash blackmailer, and it's the sexiest, most romantic thing that's ever happened to you.
Your skirt hits the floor with a soft thump, and you step out of it as you nudge it to the side with your foot. If you remove one more thing, it will be the most he's ever seen of you. Now each step forward is not only new, but is one step closer to getting what you really want: Him.
The thought is thrilling.
So thrilling that you waste no time. You hook your thumbs into the thin elastic of your panties and slip them—slowly, inch by inch to continue teasing him—to your knees, baring your lower half to him.
You stand there for a few seconds, letting him take it all in. That's what he wanted, after all. To see all of you. For you to show him all of you. Every moment between you has been leading to this, and you won't deny him now.
When you sit back down, you slide your panties the rest of the way off. They get thoughtlessly added to the growing, scattered pile. Then you stay there on your repurposed dining room chair, bare skin on wood, and you wait.
As you do, you're very careful to keep your legs closed. It wouldn't do to rush this and give everything away all at once. Especially not when you currently hold all of the power. He may have earned this, but so have you. And you’re going to relish it for as long as you can.
Except there's still nothing new in the chat box. You tell yourself he's probably just settling in and enjoying the view, but the silence is unnerving. You have no way of knowing what he's thinking right now, if he's even enjoying it, and that makes you feel exposed. You’ve gotten so comfortable with the back and forth—of getting some feedback—that not getting it is a sobering reminder that you can't read his expressions or hear the tone of his voice. All he really is to you is text on a screen.
“David?” You call out hesitantly.
Another minute passes and you start to wonder if he's intentionally trying to make you squirm. He does enjoy it, after all. Or perhaps he recognizes how the balance of power has shifted, and he's trying to take some back for himself. It does seem like a very David thing to do.
Then, without warning, your mind offers up the possibility that he's disappointed. That you aren't what he was expecting and now he’s—
God, you’re beautiful. I knew you would be.
Relief courses through you, alleviating the weight that was settling in your chest.
Or maybe he was just taking his pants off, too.
I want to see the rest of you.
That's all the reassurance you need to banish that momentary doubt completely.
You reach behind yourself to undo the clasp of your bra. Rather than remove it, you hug the material loosely to your chest and give the camera a coy glance.
“You mean like this?” You tease as your fingers play with the straps.
Yes.
Take it off.
You slowly lower your arms, letting it fall away from your breasts. And just like that, you're naked on screen—something you never thought would happen. Something you swore would never happen. But there you are, running the tips of your fingers enticingly up the tops of your thighs and over your bare hips. For him.
Seeing you like this was worth every second of waiting. You're stunning. Just perfect.
“Thank you, David,” you say softly, touched by his compliments. It’s sweet, but if he keeps this up, you’ll be feeling more affectionate than horny.
You have no idea how much I want to be the one touching you right now.
That's better.
"Oh, but I think I know exactly what it's like to want you to be the one touching me. Do you have any idea how much I've fantasized about your hands on me since you sent me that picture? God, if I hadn't been at work, I would have made myself come so many times."
That's why I didn't want you distracted.
"I wasn't distracted this afternoon," you say in a husky voice.
No you weren't. 
Did it feel good to finally give in?
"Yes." You bite your lip as you remember the way that growing tension in your belly finally gave when you moaned his name. "It felt so good to respond to you."
Did you think about me touching you like you wanted?
"God, yes. In every way I could think of."
Where did you imagine me touching you? Show me where you like to be touched.
You run a finger from your jaw, down the column of your neck, and then trace along your collarbone. "If you kiss me here, I'll be weak in your arms. But if I feel your tongue here, you'll have me begging."
Then I'll have you weak and begging.
Is that all?
"I was getting there." You smile playfully. “So impatient.”
You continue to run your fingers down your sternum, letting your knuckles skim against the swell of your breasts. You stop and move to cup the soft flesh with your hands.
“I want your lips and your hands here,” you moan as you start to gently massage yourself. Your nipples harden under your palms as you rub over them, causing a pleasant shiver to snake its way through you. Then you arch into your own hands as you think about what it would be like to have his hands here instead. Whether his touch would be gentle like this, or harsh as he wrenches a shudder from the sensitive peaks.
I'm going to enjoy doing just that. Especially if you'll be this responsive for me.
“More so,” you vow, breathlessly, "because it would be you. Are you touching yourself now?"
Yes.
“Fuck,” you hiss. "Are you imagining that it's me instead?"
You know I am.
"Good because I want it to be me. I'm aching to put my hands on you, too.” Your hands lower from your breasts to brush across your stomach. “Where do you like to be touched, David?"
By you? There's nowhere I wouldn't want your hands.
Intriguing, but you know he can give you more than that. "Then where should I start?"
There’s a brief pause that almost feels like hesitation.
My face.
"Your face?” You blink in mild surprise. You weren't expecting that answer, but now you understand the hesitation. He was preparing to admit something vulnerable to you. “That's very intimate."
Is it? Maybe that's why I've never liked it before, but I think I will if you do it.
Despite how sexy all of this is, your heart flutters at the sweetness of that line. He wants intimacy with you, not just the sex. You're reminded of what he said to you yesterday: ‘I want you to be mine in every way it's possible to want someone.’
“I like the thought of that.” You lean in towards the camera, letting your eyelids go heavy as you lower your voice to something both seductive and tender. "Do you want me to cup your cheeks and stroke my fingers over you as we kiss?"
Yes.
"Then maybe I could…” You drop to a half whisper, “kiss along your jaw as well."
It's like you read my mind.
There's a pleased flush in your chest that creeps onto your face as the hint of a smile. "Do you have facial hair?"
No.
"Good to know." You imagine your lips moving over smooth, tanned skin. You wonder if it will be soft, or a little rough with age.
Do you prefer beards?
"I don't have a preference. What looks good depends on the person." You tilt your head curiously. “Have you ever tried growing a beard?”
Once. It didn't suit me.
“Then I'd prefer you without one.”
You're assembling these new, small pieces together with your existing mental image of him. It's like staring at a magic eye puzzle—if you look hard enough, you can almost swear you see the shape of him. But then you blink and it's gone.
You need more.
“Where would I touch you next?”
My chest.
"Is that so?"
Yes.
"Please tell me you don't shave your chest, too. Promise me you have chest hair."
I promise I have chest hair.
"Oh, thank god,” you sigh with relief. “Because you have hair on the backs of your hands and wrists and it's so fucking sexy. I can only imagine how sexy the rest of it is."
You like that, do you?
��Yes.”
Then I think you’ll be pleased.
"Christ, I like the sound of that.” You squirm a bit in your seat. “Where else do you like to be touched?"
My cock.
You nearly choke on a whimper. 
Up till now, this felt like an exploration—or as much as it could be with only you on the screen. You were expecting a buildup of teasing and touching and sharing before you both truly let go. Instead, he sent you reeling. Again. He must be getting impatient.
As you stare at that line, there's a painful ache of arousal between your legs. You unconsciously grind yourself down onto your chair to alleviate some of it. The seat is going to be a mess by the time you're done, you think.
"I plan to touch you there a lot."
Yes you will.
"Are you circumcised?" You can't help the curiosity that seeps into your voice.
I'm not going to describe my cock to you.
"David!" You pout at your screen. "I'm not asking for numbers, here. I just want to know what it would be like to stroke you."
And you'll find out eventually.
“That's not fair.” You are completely naked, after all.
I already told you it's not supposed to be fair.
“Yes, yes, you’re very mysterious,” you huff in disappointment.
Like I said, you’ll find out eventually.
“Soon, I hope.”
Soon.
Now I want you to go back to showing me where you want my hands.
“Do you?” You lean back in your chair. “You want more to think about while you're touching yourself?”
That's exactly what I want.
“Hmm, how can I ever say no to that?” Then you lean even further back so you can caress over the curve of your hips. “You can run your hands along here as you feel your way over my body. It will feel lovely, but I'll enjoy it even more if you grab me instead. Because I want to feel how much you need me.”
That's good because I want to grab you by the hips to hold you still as I slam my cock into you.
“Fuck, David!” You cry out. Your hands reflexively grip and squeeze your own hips at the mental image, your fingers digging almost painfully into the bone. Your sex clenches in anticipation, hoping you’ll get what he said would come next.
If he was there with you and not still on the other end of the call. God, you wish he was there.
After that, you also know the teasing and buildup has come to an end. You can't hold back any longer, and he's made it very clear that neither can he.
"Do you know where else I liked to be touched?" Before he can reply, you finally tilt your hips and spread your legs wide, exposing your sex for the camera. You settle your knees on either side of the seat of the chair with your calves tucked against the wooden legs.
You like to think, if he were there in person, he would have been opening his mouth to answer as the words died on his lips. Instead, you imagine his fingers frozen over his keyboard as he gets to see the part of you he's been waiting for. You're certain he's been going slow—stroking himself enough for it to feel good, but not so much that he loses control. Not until he gets what he wants. Not until he's gotten this.
You end the exploration of your body by reaching between your thighs. Then you cup your mound and begin teasing your fingers along your folds. God, you're already so wet. "Right here. Especially by a hand that knows what I need."
Show me what you need.
You plunge a finger into your entrance and moan at the intrusion. You can't remember the last time you did this. Usually you focus on just your clit with your fingers or your vibrator, eager for the release and not caring much about indulging in the process. You didn't have a reason for it other than getting off to relieve some tension.
Now, as you slide your finger out and draw it over that sensitive nub, you want it back inside of you. You want to be full as you think of him. So you press two inside of you instead.
"I want to know what you look like so badly," you gasp as your fingers begin to work your cunt.
Do you?
"I do. And I want to know what you feel like."
You will, that I promise you.
"God," you whine and slip a third finger into your opening. "This feels so good. I haven't fingered myself in a while."
Why not?
"I haven't wanted to. I just wanted a quick orgasm."
Then I continue to keep my promise, don't I? I made you want to.
"Yes! Christ, I want to," you gasp and rock your hips up to meet your hand. "I want to touch myself like this for you. I love knowing that you're watching me, David, and that you're getting off to it. But more than that, I love pretending that it's you."
If you're pretending that it's me, you need to go deeper because I intend to fuck you properly.
You slam your fingers into yourself as far as they will go, and your head falls back with a cry. “God, I want you to fuck me. Please!”
While I grab your pretty hips and make you take every bit of me?
“Fuck! Yes, exactly like that!” You whine. “I can't believe you're going to make us wait for this! Because you don't have to. You could have me now."
I could.
I could have you however I wanted, couldn't I?
You glance down at the camera, your eyes heavy with lust. "Would you like that?"
You're not answering the question.
"That's because I know better than to say yes," you pant. Your fingers are still working inside of you, stretching you in a way that is both satisfying and not nearly enough. It's driving you crazy.
What does that mean?
"We both know that if I bare my throat to you, you won't be able to resist ripping it out."
I would never hurt you unless you wanted it.
"I believe that you would never want to, but I see you, too. You couldn't help it.” Your hand slows, and you tilt your head as you consider your computer screen. “Could you?"
There's a moment of stillness from the chat box, and you briefly wonder if you've upset him, even though you know you're right. You know there's something about him that’s dangerous and predatory. He admitted as much himself. And it’s not like you feel the need to be overly careful or afraid of him. The thought doesn't bother you. You simply know that you can never tempt him by actually offering yourself up as helpless prey. Or he might just get a taste for it. 
Because you can love a predator as long as you never forget, for even a second, that it's still a predator—no matter how much it shows you its belly and loves you back.
You know all of that. Instinctively. Logically.
And yet.
You do so love being his favorite little prey.
"It doesn't scare me, David," you say quietly to break the silence.
No?
"No. Quite the opposite." You draw your fingers out of yourself to rub over your clit with a moan. "It intrigues me."
I know it does.
Why do you think I’ve done all of this? I knew, from the moment I saw you, that you could want what I am.
“And what are you, David?”
Darling, did you really think I would answer that question? Where's the fun in that?
“But I want to know.” Your fingers speed back up against your bundle of nerves. “I want to know everything about you.”
You will.
“And I want to know every secret you keep from the rest of the world.”
Don't worry, you’ll know me completely.
Eventually.
His words feel like a promise and a threat. You shiver with pleasure.
You shift down far enough in your chair to get a better angle. Then you bring your knees up and plant your feet wide against the edge of your desk. You know this has the added bonus of giving him an even better view of your opening. It also gives him a hint of what it might look like when you finally lay back and spread your legs for him.
"Can you see how wet I am?" You drag your fingers over your clit with a gasp. “Can you see how much I want you?”
Yes. I can see exactly how eager you are.
"Good. As you're stroking yourself, I want you to think about burying your cock right here.” You move your other hand between your thighs. Without hesitation, you plunge your fingers into your entrance again. Now you’re pleasuring your clit while also getting that enticing fullness you ache for, and it feels fucking incredible. The sight of both of your hands moving on your screen only adds to the indulgence.
As if I could think about anything else.
"I wish I was watching you right now instead of myself."
You want to watch me stroke my cock to you?
Your whole body shudders, and you bite your lip to stifle a whimper. "Yes! I want to watch the way your hand slides over your cock and how it throbs and twitches in your fist. I want to see what I do to you."
What you do to me…
You drive me insane. I've never needed to fuck someone like I need to fuck you.
"Jesus!" You wail as your hips jerk forward, and your knees start to shake. “David!”
That's right. I'm going to make you sob my name.
"If you keep talking like that, I'm not going to last long,” you pant.
Good. I want to see you let go for me.
“But I want you to enjoy this!”
You think I'm not enjoying this?
I finally got to see how responsive you are to my words and hear the sounds you make when you're like this. This is everything I wanted. Better, even. Now I can't imagine how much better it will be in person.
When you're full of my cock instead of your fingers.
“Fuck!” You’re driving those fingers in and out of your cunt with purpose now. You're no longer giving him a show. This is you feeling your orgasm closing in on you and scrambling for it, desperate and needy.
Fuck, that's good. Look at you. You're so god-damned beautiful as you fuck yourself for me.
"God, yes!" You gasp as you arch in your chair. "For you."
Only me. Only I can see you like this.
Say it.
"Only you, David."
That's my girl.
Now you're going to come for me.
“I'm so close,” you whine.
And I'm going to come as I imagine your tight little cunt.
“David,” you gasp, barely able to speak now through your ragged breathing. “Please.”
It's all I've been able to think about for months. It's going to feel so fucking good to finally get to fuck you and come with my cock buried inside of you. And I'm going to do it over and over again until I physically can't anymore.
Do you understand? I NEED you. Fuck!
“Yes,” you barely whisper. You're not even sure the microphone picked it up, but you have nothing more to give. The tension building inside of you is becoming nearly suffocating as you read every word. You feel you might drown in it before you ever find release.
As you continue seeking your own satisfaction, a photo pops up in the chat.
At the top of the photo, there’s the edge of a laptop keyboard, which is sat on top of a very ornate and expensive looking wooden desk. But that's not the point of the photo. No. That's not what strangles your breath in your throat or sets a flame in your chest that licks at your cheeks.
The polished surface of the desk is streaked and splattered with come. His come.
You imagine him standing in front of his computer, urgently stroking himself until he's shuddering out his orgasm and spending himself across the surface. All while his eyes never leave you on the screen.
You made him do that.
Your hand speeds up—the circles your fingers are rubbing over your clit are becoming almost brutal and painful, even as pleasure rakes up your belly and your whole body starts to tense. You're so close. So fucking close. You didn't know it was possible to balance on that edge for so long without falling in either direction.
You can't tear your eyes away from that ruined surface or get the thought of him fucking his own fist out of your head as you keep chasing oblivion and—
This is what you do to me.
Oh.
You bury your fingers into your cunt just as your walls clench down around them, and you come undone for the second time that day. To him.
You open your mouth to cry out, to wail his name as part of your release, but it gets choked to nothing more than a thought as your climax slams into you so hard that it knocks the wind out of you. You throw your head back from the force of it. As you try to ride each pulse of ecstasy out against your fingers, the muscles in your legs tense. Then you're involuntarily pushing against your desk with your feet.
The front two legs of the chair lift off the floor.
For a brief moment, your stomach lurches and you think you're going to topple backwards. Instead, you stay like that, hovering between stability and free fall, letting a wave of fear and adrenaline wash over you. Perhaps that should have ruined this, but the additional sensations only heighten and sharpen every breathless shudder until all of your nerve endings thrum. You’ve never felt so painfully, blissfully, alive.
Once you're fully spent, you carefully let the chair fall forward, returning to its proper position on all four legs. Then you bring one of your own legs down to plant a foot onto the carpet to ground yourself and stop that feeling of weightlessness still lingering within you.
God, you're stunning. The most exquisite thing I've ever seen. You were wonderful for me.
You sit there, bonelessly draped back in your seat, sweaty, your arms hanging at your sides, with your chest heaving as you struggle to catch your breath. And you try to smile for him anyway because, between his praise and your orgasm, you swear you’re glowing.
But you didn't scream my name.
You let out a breathless sound of protest. “Couldn't. I tried. Seeing what I do to you…it was too good, holy shit." You swallow hard and shift forward into a more comfortable position in the chair. "But I thought it, David. You were the only thing I knew while I came for you."
Mmmm, that's very good. But you're still going to do better next time. I’ll make sure of it.
"With you?" You ask hopefully.
With me.
FOR me.
Your face burns, and there's a weak twinge of arousal between your legs. Even though it's a mere shadow of what you’ve already experienced today, you’re amazed it's even possible after that.
…You still don't even know what he looks like, you think.
God, he's dangerous.
Won't you?
"Yes," you moan. "I promise I will scream your name until my voice gives out, as long as you're the one coaxing it out of me."
Yes you will.
You whimper. "When?"
Soon.
There are some things I need to take care of first. Then I will send for you.
Your heart begins to pound with nerves and anticipation. This is really happening. "How long?"
Only a few days.
A grunt of shock is ripped from your throat. "Days?!"
Now who's eager?
"I can't help it," you purr, softening at his teasing as you run your hand along your still trembling inner thigh. "I want to see you. And I want you inside of me."
You'll have that.
I'LL have that.
"How many days?" You're almost afraid to ask.
I'll have a car pick you up Monday evening.
There's a heavy drop of disappointment in your stomach. "That's three days…" 
Enough time to have all of my obligations done and taken care of. I want to be able to focus entirely on you once I have you. Like you deserve.
“But that's so long!” It's taking everything in you not to pout. You realize now you’ve been interpreting “soon” to mean you might finally get to see him, say, tomorrow. Or maybe even still tonight. It never occurred to you that it might be longer and that you’d have to wait for him.
I know, darling. I don't like it anymore than you do. And I would never make you wait if it wasn't important, but I have promises to keep.
“Alright,” you sigh. You find that you're, once again, reminding yourself that you're an adult. You can be patient.
And now that you're thinking about it, this gives you plenty of time to prepare as well. You don't have promises to keep, but you can certainly think of a few appointments you should make. When the time comes, you want everything to be perfect.
Besides, after that you’ll never have to wait again. Will you?
“No, David.” You lean forward as you stare into the camera. “Once I have you, I intend to never wait again. Because once I have you, you’re mine.”
That's my girl.
Later that night, when you go to sleep, you take your laptop with you and leave it open on your dresser, facing the bed. On your side table, you prop your phone up into its charging stand and make sure it's positioned just right as well. You want to give him two angles to enjoy this time. Then you sprawl out on top of your covers, still completely naked.
On your phone, you carefully type out, “I hope you didn't think the show was over. Because I still have more I can give you, and it would be such a shame to waste it. Enjoy, David. X”
As you hit send, you reach into the top drawer of your nightstand and pull out your vibrator. Then you settle back, and—with a desire that feels nearly insatiable now—you work several more orgasms from your clit while you gasp and moan and scream his name.
All while you know he's watching.
A/N: See? Who needs therapy when you have fanfiction?? 😌 (Christine please ignore the 🚩💕) I debated about whether or not to write a phone call with her mom, but I realized I don't actually want to give her a voice. Because this story isn't about her or even the reader's past. It's about healing from trauma, moving forward as the worst version of yourself, and falling in fucked up love with a stalker/serial killer. 😌
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tequiilasunriise · 1 year ago
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When Steph and Cass get married they don’t take the last name Brown (Daddy Issues™️) or Cain (Daddy Issues Prime™️) or even Wayne (Steph absolutely REFUSES to become a Wayne nosirree), but a secret fourth thing (Gordan).
#BARBRA GORDON IS CASS’ MAMA AND TO AN EXTEND STEPH’S TOO OKAY#yes Steph still has Crystal but yall can NOT tell me she didnt lowkey look up to Babs as a secondary mom figure#the only one who is in on the jig is Kate bc shes officating the whole thing bc DUH and the way she fucken WHEEZZEEDDD when Steph explained#the way Kate would stand at the podium and anounce with such a smug grin#looking DIRECTLY at Bruce#‘I pronounce you…. MRS STEPHANIE AND MRS CASSANDRA GORDAN!’#the sheer fucken UPROARRRR#Steph LAUNCHES herself into Cass’ arms and kisses her senselessly as her now wife effortlessly carries her in a bridal carry#babs takes a second to process before instantly losing her NIND bc oh these crazy kids did NOT no no shes not crying#(she is. she so is. her date Dinah is handing her a hankerchief)#the batbros minus dami are hollering and cheering bc YEAHHHH STICK TO THE MANNNN#dami himself is dismissive and muttering about how could anyone throw away the wayne name like this#(on the inside he actually thinks this is pretty funny and must admit Barbra’s last name is a worthy rival to the Wayne name)#Bruce. Bruce is stunned. shell shocked. this girldad just lost his fav kid his princess#Jim is just having a damn good time bro is clapping Bruce on the back and having a good laugh over it all#also does this mean he has two honorary grandkids? no? well suck it bruce theyre my grandkids now#the other gothmanites who were invited like the birds of pret or the gotham city sirens are also all clowning on Brucie Boy#dc#stephcass#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#batfam
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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 6 months ago
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preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.
SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.
categorizing their pre-existing powers:
wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!
dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.
vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]
giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.
wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.
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dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??
vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33
ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!
in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333
AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.
I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .
DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight
I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good
AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style
#also side note but can i say. thw whole time i was reading the leviathan fight a persistent thought in the back of my mind was#“man i really wish they had a cape here who could control water- THEY NEED TIDE... THEY NEED TIDE SO BAD”#so like..really normal about putting prime defenders SPECIFICALLY in the leviathan fight. teehee (<< most diabolical laugh youve ever heard#I HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT WILLIAM TOO BUT..HMMMMMMMMM DONT THINK I CAN SAY SOME OD THEM YET#EXTREMELY interested 2 see whether ur thoughts on specifically him and dakota#will change after both the training arc and certain other events <3#hehehehehehehee#GOD I CANNOT STOP IMAGINING. PD IN WORM.WORLD. they would suffer so fucking badly man.#william wisp guilt complex about his powers turned up to 200#HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT ASHE ALSOOOOO . AS ALWAYS#now that i know more abt power classes i am VERY confidently going to put mark down as a tinker/striker.#with the tinker rating being SLIGHTLY higher than striker bc he uses the things he makes to amplify his naturally weaker striker powers.#tiiiiiide im thinkingggg would be. whats the elemental one.#not breaker bc thats specifically about breaking physics and i dont think that works for him.#is it shaker?????? i dknt think ive learned shaker yet.#U ARE MORE EQUIPPED AT THIS THAN ME whats tide. tide would also for sure be a case 53 right. i havent exactly learned what that means yet#but im assuming its the whole artifically giving people powers thing and. thats tide baby. idk if clones would work in worm world#so maybe its him and his regular siblings all being specifically given elemental powers#so they could work together as some super crazy powerful team. and then. that Doesnt happen <3#(idk if u have listened to the tide oneshot yet but. its good. if you ignore dodgeboy)#ANYWAY. i should start getting ready for work now. im having so many thoughts about this norlw#hollyyyyyy shit#infected my brain with worms (pun intended)#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#wormposting#jrwi pd#<< only tagging so i can find this later when i learn more and can properly yell about it#new haven wards
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crows-of-buckets · 6 days ago
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I need to draw my rook bc I actually do have some ideas for them I just. Have NOT been in a creating mood idk I'm so tired... Aoughgggh
#crow rambles#i want to write and i want to draw and i want to do a million things and i am doing NONE of them...#insane... crazy even...#like. i have several fic ideas i wanna write (nothing new there) but i am not writing them#i. well i dont have any art ideas now but i WANNA draw but ohh. hard :(#i think i may be having a little creative burnout... give me like four days ill be back on my game#i can never stay away from art for too long. i get itchy if i dont draw for a few days#longest ive went without drawing in the past like. decade. has been a week and that was when i got covid#my ass can NOT put the pencil down#i do want to get some of my rook ideas into fic bc i think it may help me flesh them out a little bit#while i do have a lot of criticisms of dav i kinda wanna stop focusing on them so much#bc i KNOW ive been posting about them alot on here#and while i don't think the game SHOULDNT be criticized (it definitely should) i dont want to be solely negative on it#bc i actually did have fun playing it#and i want to reflect it in my posts lmao#however. i love bitching. i am so good at bitching#its a competitive sport and im winning. top tier bitcher thats me#idk i should probably replay the game bc its always easier to make a protagonist for a dragon age game once you know the plot#but also i want to finish my dao replay... and replay da2... and finish my dai replay i never finished lmao#im at the landsmeet in dao so it shouldnt be much longer. i plan on skipping the golems dlc this go round bc i dont really like it and it#doesnt add very much to the plot imo. everytime i play it i get pissy over the harvester. fucking AWFUL boss#tried killing it on hard mode. once. i am never doing that shit again i HATEEEE that stupid thing#<- by landsmeet i meant i am doing the denerim quests right before the landsmeet. im just before the whole 'anora got locked up' thing#am NOT looking forward to the alienage... idk i really want go get to witch hunt 😭😭
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greetingsfromuranus · 3 months ago
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Man nobody told me the comedown from a manic episode lasts like a year
Makes sense now I guess lmao
#1st month or 2 of ed edd n eddy obsession was pure mania btw lol#im at the uhhhh coming back up from the bottom of the mariana trench part of that whole process#you shoulda seen me in january it was bad lol#well i suppose yall did its not like i went anywhere#idk#too much info? idk maybe#well it was either that shit from december that lastes 2 or 3 months or a few weeks ago#i think a few weeks ago was something different tho idk#too much info#fuck it whatevr#i always send these posts 2 the drafts#too much shit happened between then and now jeez#you shouldve seen me when i was first going on my deviantart crusades#i was at the height of my entire fuckin life for the 1st few hours and then id find out about some sort of eene lost fan-media#and i would just BREAK down#and i did this over and over until something in me just broke#idk it was weird for a minute#ill take it aw a win though because my art improved a SHIT ton from that#gotta get back on that rapid improvement thing that was crazy#i think ive gotta start actually leatning stuff now lol#my ass has just now realized i can do thumbnail sketches#ive literally been publishing my first pass on all my ideas up till now#like maybe. i should try using effort....... waow#i need to go to ART CLASSES fuck#man you have to be an arts major to take any of the art classes its totally lame#STEM AND ARTS GO TOGETHER INHERENTLY!!!!!!!! STOP GATEKEEPING CREATIVITY ILL KILL YOU sorry#mildly hyperbolic here#graghhhrrr#i hate being employed theyre using up my entire brain#better not frizzle out before i finally get the chance to make cartoons
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elytrafemme · 1 year ago
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every single fictional character i like should split and have mood swings like me. "ohhhhh but it's not canotical" "ohh they have good control over their emotions and stable views on the world" i don't fucking care. i see cq in his fake desert i see klavier's control dialogue i see dahlia and her serial murders and komaeda and the gun literally fuck with me right now. we need to stop being cowards about our fictional character headcanons i think everyone should kill people always because i can't
#neg#omg am i having an episode right now is this episode coded is that what we're doing oh my God should we tell all your friends#should we call the president oh my God mare is having an episode right now guys don't freak but it's finally happening aaaahhh#we've been waiting forever but our queen's finally back she's having an episode oh my God we stan like crazy oh my God i'm calling everyone#can we have a cake at the episode tell me we're having cake at the episode i'm buying a cake it's official girls oh my God AAAH#she's so crazy LOVEEE her. oh my God!!!#anyway i think my blond bitch rockstar fave should get to kill the titular character!#sorry i hate the fucking name censoring in tags i'm trying to ween off of it cause it's like not accessible tee bee aych#but like i need to speak my truth so we're doing epithets#he should literally get to kill him and rip his carpet up WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABT IT#they all make him cry or whatever this isn't the right blog for this but i've got images okay#enough crying enough consolation hugging where's my apology only for it to not be accepted and things to be fucking over#where's MY catharsis you know. this barbie needs catharsis!#i'm super light headed i should super stop posting but like who am i going to text in these conditions#the answer is nobody nobody wants to text my phone like they can blow it up it's fine w/e#i'd make instagram stories but it'll be like a whole thing and they'll report me again for mental illness#i'm going to stop apologizing for having breakdowns publicly actually. if you were like this you would too.#actually maybe you wouldn't because you'd be soooo well adjusted well i'm a weak bitch like actually#and my bones are fucking breaking right now so i'm gonna tell everyone about it <3#i licherally don't want to damage public property now and by that i mean my room LMAOOOO#this is nawt public property but the paints so nice
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myhvnji · 2 years ago
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Today was the day i rewatched season 2 episode 1 of 911 and it was still as gay as I remembered
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ironmanstan · 2 years ago
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years ago
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I am once again sad that a person I bonded with in a dream is not real
#ALEX. where are you and who are youuuu#okay so the dream was crazy. like.. coherent by my usual standards but still ridiculous#i was back at high school but was the age i am now & i was attending a class in ‘business and employment’ which was supposed to help us all#get jobs and learn skills. but in reality the vast majority of the people in the class (including myself) were in mlm schemes#(multi-level marketing before anyone gets confused with the acronym)#myself and the entirety of my high school friend group (about 8 or 9 people) formed the largest faction and we were selling fragrances#for exactly the sort of company you would expect. anyway. i’d been elected manager even though someone else in the group (who actually sells#this shit irl lol) had recruited me & another person’s mom had invested money into it so that none of us had to actually buy inventory#and i was so uncomfortable and ashamed. i was like ‘okay i’ll just do this for a month and then bounce so i can at least get work/management#experience’. so i was very much checked out when everyone was brainstorming ideas for how to come up with a brand & sell it#the only thing i did notice is that there was this guy named alex who was pretty much reporting us whenever we breathed. an example would be#we wanted to call ourselves ‘lions’ but apparently that was the name of an lgbt society in the area that was important to him#so he complained to the teacher/facilitator about us and we couldn’t use lions. and our whole group was complaining about him#but i was thinking ‘fuck i hope he gets us shut down’. he seemed like a nice guy and the stuff people started saying was borderline#homophobic so i had to be the one to shut them down like ‘hey i’m bi as well and i’m your fucking manager. any more of that and you can find#yourself a new job’#so anyway. next thing that happened was the facilitator was like ‘okay we seem to have pretty much been taken over by mlm schemes BUT here#is a list of people in the class who do not want to be recruited & their reasoning. just so you can take note’ and she does a presentation#of course it starts with alex and his ideological opposition to mlms; but there are other people like a girl who has a large academic#workload. but it becomes apparent that alex is the one who rallied them all together to spread dissent. so i went over to talk to him#(for some reason he was now hiding in a tent) and i was like ‘yes alex!!!! can i shake your hand?’ and he was puzzled but he let me#then i stood up and said ‘can i just say something. everyone has great reasons for not wanting to be recruited and as a manager; i want to#say that if i catch any of my employees trying to recruit anyone on the do not recruit list for any reason; you will be fired immediately’#of course this causes a schism. but it also causes me and alex to end up having a heart-to-heart where he’s like ‘why are you even part of#one of these things’ and i’m like ‘honestly i just want legitimate work experience’ and he’s like ‘i can think of so many more legitimate#jobs. including like. fly-tipping. i’d rather have that on my cv than scentsy’ and i was like ‘you’re so right’#and then i woke up thinking ‘god i’m going to have to go door to door selling this shit’ but then i realised i actually didn’t#and i was so happy#it has motivated me to go back to job-hunting though because my god.#that five minutes when i thought i was going to have to traverse the neighbourhood dressed like an idiot and selling wax melts? bleak.
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slugtits · 2 months ago
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you don’t even KNOW how i feel about vegetables
🍆🥒🥔🌽🥕🥦🌶️🧅🧄🍠🫛🫑🥬
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