#that whole scene is so funny she starts off with a manners lesson

[insignificant457]

inej in that moment:

kaz telling inej “i don’t want your prayers” and then spouting off some bullshit about wanting to die under the weight of his own gold to which inej responds “then i pray you get all you ask for” is objectively so funny she really is matching him sass for sass everytime

[solemnly-mischievous]

Wow your writing is so realistic and detailed I love it!! I was wondering if you’d be open to writing draco smut where you tie his wrists and make him watch you touch yourself but then he breaks free and 🤫🤔🤔

this request? chef’s kiss. hope you like it. once again this was just straight up filth (also thanks anon!)

Contains: Bondage, degradation, mentions of spanking, orgasm denial, brief mild breath-play, dirty talk, rough sex, manhandling

Word count: 1.8K

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It's so easy, you're actually kind of shocked.

As you stare down Draco, whose eyes are narrowed and confused and slightly fucking pissed, whose wrists are tied behind his back to the headboard of the bed... you can't help but giggle.

His hair is still ruffled from the nap he'd been taking when you snuck into his room, golden tufts sticking out in various angles, and he looks adorable. Aside from the part where he's beginning to very nearly steam in anger, of course.

"Oh, so this is funny?" Draco glares at you. "You think it's funny, don't you?"

"Erm." You cough out another small snicker. "Yeah, maybe?"

"Merlin, you're going to regret this. Ha-ha, funny prank, nice one, good to see the Weasleys are leaving their influence." Draco rattles his hands behind his back like he's Marley's ghost. "Now let me go."

You shake your head. "I don't think so."

Draco rolls his eyes, sighing. When he looks back at you, his gaze is steely and pissed off. "You're making a mistake, pet."

"Am I?" You smile innocently at him. You're sitting at the foot of the bed, only a couple feet away from his sitting figure, and you make a point to scooch backwards to press your back against the feet of the bed. "Am I, Draco?"

"What are you..." He trails off as you shrug off your jacket, unbuttoning your shirt slowly. You bite your lip as you feel his gaze on you, following your every move.

Draco says your name warningly. He's unused to being disobeyed, to not having things to according to his wishes. He's still the Malfoy heir, after all—spoiled at heart. "Be good."

You ignore him, a move that you know makes him see red. Your unbuttoned shirt hangs loosely on your shoulders, and you trail your fingers behind you to unhook the straps of your bra. It falls away, leaving your breasts bare but your shirt still on—a look that you personally thought was pretty damn hot.

From the look of Draco's heated dark gaze, he thought the same.

He tenses as you move a hand up to your nipples, caressing them gently and tweaking them ever so often. They harden fast, becoming sensitive, and you let out small breathy sounds of pleasure as you play with them, eyes fluttering closed.

"Salazar," you hear Draco growl, and you open your eyes only to wink at him. You see him tug at his restraints, his muscles straining, but they hold fast.

"No touching," you say playfully, repeating back the words he so often ordered you to obey during your scenes and during sex. You feel drunk on it, the control. You love being submissive, of course, and Draco is a fantastic dominant, but it's... fun, to flip the table on him.

(Of course, that doesn't mean you want to be in control the whole night. Maybe you'll untie him after you've gotten off, then let him fuck your throat. That's the plan, anyway.)

You figure he'll be rough after you let him go and you want it. You imagine Draco grabbing your wrists and pinning them against the bed as he fucks you, face-down, over the side of the bed—imagine him whispering a mix of praise and degradation in your ear, laughing when you moan.

Slipping a hand into your pants, you lock eyes with Draco once more as you touch yourself through your soaked panties. His gaze is glittering, dangerous. "Stop."

"No." You get a thrill out of saying the word, out of going against direct orders. You know if he really wanted you to stop, he would use the safeword the two of you established. Right now, he's furious alright, but he's also planning something. You're sure of it.

You shimmy out of your pants, leaving you in a flimsy shirt and lacy dark green panties that you may have chosen just for the occasion. Draco's eyes narrow at the sight of them, and he makes to reach for you before he remembers he's tied up.

"If you let me go right now, I'll go easy on you," Draco says lowly. "I won't make it hurt too much."

"Tempting," you murmur, slipping your hand into your panties and directly sinking a finger into your cunt, "but I'll take a rain check."

Draco says your name loudly, but your eyes are already slipping closed from the pleasure, letting out a perhaps slightly theatrical whimper from the stimulation.

"Fucking whore," you hear him hiss, and it makes you jerk your hips up into your touch. You're a slut for his praise, and he knows that bloody well. "Yeah, you're enjoying that? You like your fingers touching your pathetic cunt even though I said no?"

"Draco," you whine, a finger circling your clit. Your movements quicken, and you start fucking yourself in earnest, far past slow teasing motions for Draco's benefit—right now, you want to come. Your eyes are still squeezed closed as you pump your fingers, chasing release.

"Little disobedient slut," comes Draco's voice, and there's something in his tone that makes you shudder. Your eyes flutter, and something registers in your mind. "You're absolutely going to regret this."

He sounds way closer than he should be.

Before you can open your eyes, a cold hand grabs the wrist of the hand that's currently shoved down your panties, and you yelp in surprise. Your hand is forcefully removed, and Draco tugs you in by the shirt, pinning your hands behind your back and pressing you up against him.

"Bloody—"

"Now, now, pet," Draco murmurs into your ear. You can hear his smirk. "Best not get in more trouble than you're already in, hm?"

"How did you—"

"Magic," he replies with a condescending tone, and you could slap yourself. How did you forget that very important aspect to consider when tying one up?

"Fuck," you whisper to yourself, and Draco laughs meanly.

"I suppose so," he muses, "but don't plan on getting to come today. Or this week, for that matter. Merlin, I should just spank your pretty little ass all red and fuck your throat. Little slut doesn't deserve anything more."

You whine and he bites down on the junction of your neck and shoulder, hard enough to make you gasp in pain. "Unless you're apologizing profusely or using your safeword, I don't want to hear another bloody sound out of you. Or you'll fucking regret it."

"I'm sorry," you gasp, and Draco hums.

"As I was saying, maybe I should spank you," he says casually. Your breath hitches at the idea—Draco's never actually spanked you before aside from a few wayward spanks during sex, but you can't deny the idea of it turns you on so fucking much.

You imagine him throwing you over his knee, peeling your panties off and spanking you until your ass turned bright red and you were begging for his forgiveness. You imagine him rubbing your irritated skin in an almost comforting manner before landing another slap squarely where it aches and you whimper.

"Aw, but I think she likes that idea," Draco coos mockingly, and he flicks one of your nipples harshly, making you gasp. You can feel how hard he is against you. His hand trails up to your neck, his fingers circling your throat slowly. He doesn't press down, not yet. "Don't you?"

You shake your head vehemently, embarrassed, but Draco's fingers tighten slightly—enough that you feel the pressure when you inhale.

"Don't you?"

You almost reply. Almost.

But then you remember his words.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, and you can feel his smile.

"Where was all this obedience earlier, hm?" His hands moves from your throat to your hair, stroking it gently. "We could've avoided all this. You could've just easily gotten fucked, and gotten to come. Now look at this. Now I have to teach you a lesson."

Draco sighs, like it's a bloody inconvenience. "What do you say?"

"I'm sorry," you repeat.

"Good girl," Draco praises. He tugs at your hair. "Anyway, I don't think I'll spank you today. You seem to like that idea too much, and this is supposed to be a punishment, after all."

You stay quiet, mind whirling, trying to anticipate what he might come up with. Eventually, he seems to come to a decision.

"Alright, on the bed," Draco orders you, and you scramble to obey. You get to see his face for the first time since he broke free, and it's a sight—his pupils are dilated and his normally pale face flushed with anticipation and arousal, gaze dark and wanting.

He reaches over and tugs your panties off entirely. Then, with a coy smile, he leans over and gags you with the wet fabric, clicking his tongue in faux-sympathy as your eyes widen. “There, there. It’s to make sure you don’t make noise. You should be thanking me, really.”

Then, in one smooth movement, Draco pushes your legs apart roughly and lands a light slap on your wet clit. It’s not a hard hit, but the surprise of it makes you buck your hips up, a low shriek emitting from your mouth through the makeshift gag.

“Blink twice for red, understand?” he says, and you nod earnestly. Draco smirks and spanks your cunt again, slightly harder this time, and you whine.

“Shh.” One more slap, and you’re drawing your legs together, your cunt stinging from the hits—but you’ve also never been so fucking wet.

“I agree,” Draco says cheerfully, unbuckling his belt and drawing his cock out of his trousers. “I think it’s time I get something out of this.”

And before you can make another sound, he pushes into you quickly, groaning to himself from how fucking tight you are. Your breaths come shallow and quick, the stimulation and stretch overwhelming.

Draco gives you a few seconds to get used to the stretch, and then he’s fucking you roughly, using you like you’re nothing but a hole for him to get off with, quick thrusts punctuating his words as he bites out, “Stupid little slut wanted to push me—look where it got you, huh? Being fucked like a common whore, ‘cept you’re not getting paid or getting to come tonight."

Bloody fucking Merlin. You gasp around the gag at a particularly hard thrust, clenching around him in arousal at his words.

"Think I’ll edge you a couple times, to really help the lesson sink in, yeah?" Draco's question is mocking, condescending. "Can’t have this slut goin’ around thinking she can just get away with anything she bloody well wants.”

You pant around your gag, unable to stop yourself from whining as Draco slips a finger inside your folds and thumbs your sensitive clit. You buck into his touch desperately, chasing that pleasure, and you whimper out a muffled “‘ease, ‘ease, wan’a ome—”

Draco stills his movements and lifts his hand away and you could scream from the frustration.

His voice is low and smug as he murmurs, “Disobedient sluts don’t get what they want now, do they now?”

-----

come request something or just leave a message! i write for marauders, golden era, and marvel :)

[thefanficmonster]

One Can Never Escape Destiny

Shan-Yu x Empress!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Murder scene (non-graphic)

Genre: Angst, Romance (one-sided)

Summary: After fulfilling his plan of taking over China Shan-Yu and his army have made it to the palace of Empress Y/L/N Y/N. However, one obstacle the warrior still fails to overcome is swaying the Empress herself, getting in her good graces. Unable to kill her, he is left to do all he can to have her spare him as much as a civil word.

Requested by Anon. Hi lovely! Thank you so much for such and amazing and so different request from what I’m used to. This is my first time writing for a Disney character, a villain even, so I hope to have fulfilled your expectations even with it being so late in posting. Please enjoy! Love, Vy ❤

She refuses to eat or see the light of day. She’s been hidden away in a single room of the palace ever since China fell. She attempted to fight and gave her all when her eyes met his poisonous ones and her sword’s blade collided with his. The fight was a difficult one, he had to admit. She would’ve won had she not had a heart of gold. Putting her right-hand man’s under the sharp dagger in his merciless hand left her no choice. She loved that man, he could see it in her eyes. And he wasn’t going to kill the pathetic excuse for a member of the Empress’ council, but seeing that look of devotion and adoration in her gaze when her eyes met with his drove him in a fit of absolute rage. He couldn’t restrain himself and let the blade slide across the man’s neck only after the Empress had surrendered.

“NOOO!“ She had shrieked in terror and sorrow, all her pain audible in her cry that echoed all throughout the palace, piercing the monstrous warrior’s ears. He couldn’t bare to see her so distraught, over another man on top of all, so her ordered his men to take her to one of the chambers and leave her to collect herself. She still had fight left in her though. She escaped from his men’s grasps and overpowered them both until a third one knocked her out cold with the handle of his dagger. A choice of action that landed him the second dead body to be thrown out of the palace that night.

He specifically instructed the man taking Y/N to her chamber to be gentle and caring with her and to leave the door unlocked, maybe even open a crack. He didn’t want her to feel trapped in her own home. 

He sat by one of the windows all through the late dark hours of the night and even met the sunrise at dawn. He contemplated so many things, scolded himself even. He had become the ruler of China and yet he had never felt so low and defeated. He even let his mind wander to the option of killing the Empress for his own peace of mind but he knew he wouldn’t be able to the second he realized he wasn’t even able to picture himself doing it. The very though sickened him to his stomach and he was disgusted with himself to have ever allowed himself to think such a thought.

The main thing troubling him was the fact that he didn’t know where such admiration came from. He had never admired nor respected a woman before but he felt the need to bow before her instead of the other way around. He wanted to be her loyal servant, tending to her every need at the bat of her eyelashes. He could barely believe himself either way - killing her or adoring her, they were both thoughts bordering into insanity, he couldn’t tell which was worse. Of course he could, he just wanted to lie to himself. He knew he could never lay a hand on her.

Shan-Yu had fallen under the spell of the very Empress he was supposed to end in order to fulfill his evil plans.

He should want her dead while he’s prepared to kill whoever dares even wish her harm. Funny how destiny works. Or perhaps this is karma punishing him for his evil ways by putting one bump in the road right in front of him - one so easy to get rid of in theory, but he could never commit to it.

It has been four full days since that fateful night and he hasn’t heard nor seen her. He’s not willing to disturb her peace and earn himself an injury from the infuriated Empress but the hours of overthinking, contemplating and self-battling are weighing heavy on him. His men are beginning to notice, although they’d never say anything - they may be cruel, dumb fools but they respect their lives enough to not put them at a risk like that. Not even a risk, more like certain death. They all obeyed his orders of bringing the Empress food three times a day every day and they all witnessed the defeat and worry that washed over their leader’s face whenever they brought back the dishes untouched hours after they had delivered them. 

So, after a lot of self-convincing and doubting, Shan-Yu has bitten the bullet - he is walking the halls to the Empress Y/L/N Y/N’s chamber. He makes it to her door sooner than he’d like, his confidence is not fully built. His composure could easily be shaken. His words are scrambled and even if he could form coherent sentences, he knows they die in his throat.

‘Pull yourself together, you pathetic mutt‘ He scolds himself for the hundredth time in the past hour. Easier said than done, though. She’s a woman of incredible strength, power and character. She was respected by every individual in China, not a single soul looked down upon her. They had already hated him, but now that he has allegedly put their dear Empress in misery, he’d be dead along with his army if they weren’t so strongly feared.

Shan-Yu brings himself to knock on the chamber doors, his voice a faint echo through the massive hallway when he calls out, “Empress, may I enter?”

No answer, as he expected. He is half expecting to not even be there, to have escaped. He knows her better than that though.

Cautiously pushing the door open, he’s met with a dark room only lit by the moonlight seeping in through a small rectangular window directly opposite the door. He sees her silhouette in the windowsill. She’s sitting facing away from him, looking out of the window at the rooftops underneath the clear, starry night sky. She doesn’t bother to turn her head to acknowledge his presence, also as expected.

A small detail he notices sends shivers down his spine - there are metal bars on her window. Why?

“I was a rebellious child. I knew my destiny before even understanding what it meant. All I knew was that I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to be Empress. I wanted to be one of those brave souls who were prepared to leave to a front knowing they might not return.“ Her voice rings through the cold, dark space, bouncing off the walls in a haunting manner, enchanting him. “My father knew I would be more than capable of running away so I was frequently spending plenty of time here, locked up. As I am now.“

She is still facing away from him but he still shakes his head as though she could see him. “You are not locked here, Empress Y/N. The door is always open. This palace is still yours.”

“That you are right about.“ Y/N’s head turns finally and his heart drops.

She is pale, eyebags weighing heavy under her tired eyes. Her hair is covering her face but her pale complexion is more than visible even from behind her locks. She looks like she has been crying, not that she’s a woman who cries often. A tear of hers has the same value as a bar of gold.

She continues. “Chu Bao, the man you killed in front of my very eyes, was the only man I’ve ever loved and the only person who saw me as more than my title. I’m not just an Empress! Everyone forgets that!“

He feels hurt by her remark, “Y/N, I know. I know better than anyone. I have overtaken all of China and yet you are my greatest prize...”

She cuts him off, her shaky hands pushing her hair to the side so she can look directly at him, her crystal eyes meeting his menacing yellow ones with such intensity he feels it almost like a physical presence. “I am no prize, you monster! I’m a person who destiny played wrong! I given a role I have never been happy with. But I had to play it to maintain the honor of my family and of China as a whole. It taught me a valuable lesson: No matter the tries, one can never escape destiny. So...” she trails off, her eyes losing their feisty glow as she turns back to the window, “I embraced it and became one with my land, this palace, my title. And I will stay one with them till my death. Now, leave! And don’t bring me food anymore. Don’t check on me. I want it all to end the way it started - in this palace, in this chamber. I want to go out with the last bit of dignity I have. If nothing, I will die without ever bowing to you. I may have surrendered, but consider this me prolonging the fight.” He hears her scoff, a humorless chuckle, “The moment I die will be the moment I win.”

Shan-Yu has never been a man to live to face defeat. He always defeats the defeat, stands up taller than ever whenever he’s been brought down. Now is different, however. His defeat is inevitable. It hasn’t even happened yet, but he knows the battle’s lost. His hands are tied. He would never disobey a wish of Y/N’s nor could he live with her slowly dying. He cannot keep her alive against her will, and he can’t end it all quickly for her either.

She has already won, but she’s not aware.

Empress Y/L/N Y/N has defeated the monstrous, villainous conqueror Shan-Yu twice in her life: once when she had him fall in love with her and again when she chose to put an end to her life, leaving him powerless.

All he can do now is accept his defeat and allow for Y/N to become nothing but a battle scar on his heart.

[erithel]

Not that pidge anon but just want to jump in to say that out of all the characters, next to shiro, pidge really doesnt change in any way as a character or show any growth or any lessons learned. Her storyline could be one and done with in a few episodes but it literally doesn’t help her as a character in anyway. She was the same as well when she started the show and to when she ended the show just with more family members back in her life.

And agree with what you said about the smarty pants character in shows just commonly being a giant asshole because of their intelligence. It’s really off putting and the way they express their intelligence over “not as smart” characters is borderline narcissism and bullying. I challenge people to name one nice thing pidge has ever said about lance without it being backhanded or full on mean. The fact that people found the scene where she electrocuted him with her weapon funny is very offputting to me. And he tried to save and protect her at one point and yet!!

Lack of character development was the show's biggest flaw, in my opinion. And this is an excellent point. Regardless of whether or not you actually like where Lance or Keith ended up at the end of the show, you can see a difference between that and where they started (as slight as it may be). But with the rest of the characters…yeah. It's the AtLA test, which I mentioned in a previous post: You take series finale Aang and then go back and watch episode 1 Aang and you'll be like "holy shit, I need to know how this character gets from point A to point B." But you take series finale Pidge and compare her to episode 1 Pidge and…she's the same.

The whole point of a show like this is to see watch the characters get to where they are supposed to be. They are meant to change and grow and be effected by the things they went through.

This is why people hate a Mary Sue character, because if a character can already just do whatever they need to do, then where do they have to go from there? There's no opportunity for that character to have a development arc, and that's just boring.

I wish they'd gone the route of a brother/sister relationship with Pidge and Lance. I feel like that's what they wanted to do, but if you compare how she treated Matt or Hunk vs how she treated Lance...

The baseline of it all is that universally, no one likes to feel stupid. And when you have that genius character who makes fun of others who don't have the same level of intelligence, it says to the audience there is only one valid form of intelligence, and that's all that matters. And if you don't have that, well...fuck you, I guess?

It's been a horribly long time since I read this, but there's one part from Naruto that always stuck with me. He's being trained by the frogs (toads?) on Sage Mode (I think). One of the frogs is explaining how it's supposed to work, and he's just…blank. He has no idea what's going on. But then another frog rewords the explanation in a very simplified manner – and he gets it. Immediately. And that was always a very significant part of the manga to me because Naruto had always been seen as the "dumb one." But he wasn't dumb. He just needed things explained in a different way.

So when you have these genius characters who scoff at anyone "not on their level," it tells the audience that if you are not a genius, you are dumb – and there's nothing in between.

And that's just not true.

(And side note, this is always why I like to write Lance as a very emotionally intelligent character in my fics, because that's how he came across to me – and they kindof stomped all over it.)

[iraniq]

Birthdays be like...

# Thomas Andrew Felton:

/the scene happens in England/

- you woke up early to prepare breakfast

- barely slept the night from excitement

- half way through someome kissed your ear

- "woke up 2h ago to walk Willow, saw all, but thanks for trying"

- "go away, it's a surprise"

- "let me help in then, love!"

- "you can't help in your birthday surprise"

- "watch me"

- ends up helping in his birthday surprise.

- you singing 'ophelia'song to him, incapable to replace it with Tom and still spunds good

- he made thousand videos and pics of you stumbling with the song

- no pancake hit the floor!

- still officially forbidden of giving Willow secret not dog food

- talking about Willow, she came fast when she heard voices

- ending up making dog friendly pancake

- flipping it right on her face /was already cooled/

- Tom got it all on video

- "look now, oh hi Willow, catch"

- "did you just flipped the pancake to fall on her face?"

- before you can say yes, there was no physical memory of the pancake

- watching cartoons on the couch

- "looks like someone is sleepy"

- "nooooo"

- "well if you hadn't stayed till 2 in the morning last night..."

- "was excited for your birthday"

- "and you said it like thousand times"

- "i am excited for birthdays, and yours is a special one"

- forhead kissed

- he muttes something that endes with 'love', but tight hugs and stroking hair, is one way ticket to dreamland

- bonus: Willow is a warm pillow on your lap

- afternoon long walks

- laughter

- singing on the streets

- silly pics

- pillow fight at home

- Willow stole yet another one

- "Willow's pillow fortress is getying bigger"

- "because you can't say no to your child, and instead taking them from her, you keep on buying new ones"

- fancy, low key filthy sexy looking dress for dinner

- a comedy movie no one watched...

- ... because pillow war revange

- and somewome had to keep an eye on popcorn

- food thief detected

- sloberly kisses and yet another pillow missing

- "just jump in the pool with the dress, love"

- drying hairs in the midle of the night

- matching pajamas

- Willow at board

- "your child just stole my sock"

- "she is your child now too..." - halj asleep deep british voice

- "ok, then, our child, just stole my sock"

- more forhead kissed and love mumbles

- snuggles

- "will meet you im dreamland"

# Erich Blunt:

*Ok we have all seen the tik tok - "take your clothes off" and how the girl spits her drink, and we all reacted like that*

- after midnifgt visit at the big house

- you have a special 'multipass' key card

- wake him up at 12:02 with *coughs* love

- everywhere

- i mean everywhere

- possible

- in the house

- then maybe at 5 o'clock in the company

- the boss chair, that's unfortunately a super normal one, because he refused to have fancy cabibet

- in the virtual relity room

- junk food at the sunrise on a super random place

- naps in the big, too fancy for naps, bed

- mid afternoon flight to a dessert rave party

- yes... plain checked

- matching outfits at the party

- the looks he gives you

- yes... at some random spots in the crowd

- his poker face is out of this world

- stargazing and hand holding

- tents at feativals are not soun proof...

- both umable to human the next day, dozzing off in the plane

# Julian Albert Desmond:

- a workoholic, scientist, perfectionist... with a metahuman bad experience inside his head... He could tell by the air in the room, something was off...

- a surprise was way beyond imaginable

- imagine everybody's faces when you casualy dropped at the station, introducing yourself

- "she is a spy" - Cisco said

- "Julian mentioned he had a girldriend...but i thought it was just for the excuse" - Barry said

- "nope, alive and in the flesh"

- you announced his upcoming birthday in a week and asked for help

- they were all instantly in

- same day, Barry got 'late'

- the captain gave them a case in the far abandoned aide of town, Caitlin was in the car with him, non stop talking, how Ciaco and HR are unbarable. Iris and Barry...

- he wasn't paying attention at this point

- the building looked suapicious

- they entered, only to see the whole Team Flash, including Dr. Wells and Jessie, holding a cake, with this so familiar red sugar you have been buying lately

- he knew your surprise will pop up eventually

- you knew he was late after work, no more metahumans hate, but you nevwr poked the subject

- "no one told her" - Barry reasured

- "she is overworking today, and instructed us, quoting 'get his ass the cake, or i will end you!', she is scary for a librarian" - Iris noted

- "she certanly is"

- all laugh

- "candles blowing in abandoned and possibly dangeroys area, great"

- all laughing again

- *insert Julian's sarcastic remarcs*

- "people skills, Julian"

- A fot Ain't even trying at this point

- afterwork party at the park

- Julian being soft

- Caitlin being low key jealous

- romantic dances under the stars

- you wearing a long mid transparent nightgown and his "explorer hat"

- *insert adult content here*

# Logan Maine:

*AU where they woke up the passangers a week before artiving at Thea, notjing hit the ship*

/haven't yet finished the tv series, so some info might not be true/

- after Mia, Logan didn't plan on having friends, or being close to someone

- not that he planned to befrend Mia...

- aftee several days of you being sweet carring and maybe a bit rude, and an epileptic episode later, he was tolerating you

- maybe more than toleraring, but he wasn't gonna admit it

- he was astonishing cook to start with

- you tried making cake, when you found out

- failed!

- but the unhealthy ammount of chocolate syrop on it, fixed it

- him dipping fries in the chocilate...

- *Logan what?!*

- walking around the 'garden'

- him pushing you towards the spraying water

- trying to name the plants only to end up with: "if it's not weed..." - he laughed

- "you are failing at being horrible"

- "trying to be, but that smile of yours isn't helping"

- marker writing on the station windows, connecting stars in odd shapes

- sneaking on others

- "is Baum a perv, or just a perv"

- "Shun and Lana are totally a thing"

- low key stealing extra pills for his epilepsy

- who'll suspect the cool sweet kid's teacher

- stealing food from your supervisor's cabim, after you went asking her, what Logan liked, so you can make a romantic dinner

- she didn't gave you much info, but the odd plastic half liquid sweets you stole definwtly tasted good

- "the A woman stealing? Your crush on me is ruining your good name"

- "maybe i am tired of a good name"

- "don't tell me you go to another planet to be a criminal"

- "lools like i might have the best teacher"

- "only om small crimes, like stealing a pretty girl's heart"

- his odd winks

- that smirk

- kisses in the dark

- he "found" some extra blankets

- 2 burritos on a way after midnight open space gazing

- Shun may have cought you drawing the odd funny shapes, but told no one - you were holding hands, giggling drawing one ovee another, was way too cute to tell on

# Draco Lucius Malfoy:

/Around 6th-ish year maybe.../

- how you pick a present for someone who has everything, literally everuthing

- bargins with Pansy for info

- Theo gives it all free

- Blaize asked for unknown favor

- no one actually gave you smth to work with

- Draco was bitter

- even the good fight with Potter didn't lift his spirit

- nor the -10 points

- you even owled Narcisaa, but nothing

- difficult problems require simple solution

- his favourire clothes of yours

- your Gucci pefulme on his scarf

- this beyond ordenary way you bite off from his green apple

- the thing with the shy eyes and devil smile you love pulling on him

- touching his hair

- scratching his hands with your long nails gives him the good chills

- changing in that gorgeous emerald green dress he bought you for the Christmas ball

- pinky hand holding

- getting cold, so he can give you his coat

- him and his long coat

- messy pearl hair

- stolen kissed under his tree

- brushing your nose in his cheek

- teasing each other

- in your own bubble in aftwenoon class

- again -10 points... each

- professor Lupin felt the pain of ceperating the lovely sight you were, so he can continue his lesson

- party at the boy's bedroom

- eating the cake his mom send you, instead of dinner

- whole friends group having pure childish fun, sharing silly stories

- levitating around in pretend swim manner

- cake

- *coughs* wine *cougs*

- late night walk to the astronomy tower

- him showing you the stars

- the Dragon again, because you can never place it right

- him knowing you pretend not to know, so he can have an excuse to give you silly shoulder kisses

- you tip toeing to reach him

- passionate kisses under the stars

______________

@diyunho @lovermrjokerr @darthjokerisyourfather @littlebeautifly

Whoever enjoys it as well 😛

[wisteria-lodge]

Character Analysis: Sorting Pirates of the Caribbean

So @sortinghatchats is brilliant. Absolutely my favorite character (and person!) analysis system. Instead of one house, you get two - a PRIMARY (your motivation, why you do things), and a SECONDARY (your toolbox, how you get things done.) Here is a very stripped down refresher, and here is my explanation for why I am saying Lion, Bird, Badger and Snake instead of the names of the Hogwarts houses. 

IDEALIST PRIMARY Lion - I do what I feel is right. (MORAL) Bird - I do what I decide is correct. (LOGICAL) LOYALIST PRIMARY Badger - I do what helps my community (PEOPLE MATTER) Snake - I do what helps me/my inner circle (MY PEOPLE MATTER)

IMPROVISATIONAL SECONDARY Lion - Charge! React! Smash the system! Snake - Transform, adapt, find the loophole. BUILT SECONDARY Bird - Plan, make tools, gather information. Badger - Community-build, caretake, call in favors.

Now let’s talk Pirates of the Caribbean! I’m mostly focusing on the first film because it’s the best and my favorite, but I do mention 2 and 3.

***

Jack Sparrow is the classic Snake secondary. He’ll improvise an escape, improvise a weapon, wait for “the opportune moment.” He’s never fought fair in his life and doesn’t feel the tiniest bit bad about it. He’s silver-tongued. When he’s in a tight spot, he’ll tell you exactly what he thinks you want to hear. And if he knows you don’t trust him, he’ll reverse-psychology you on purpose.

It’s hard to see past his theatrical, charming, over-the-top way of doing things, and that’s on purpose. The last time Jack told someone what he actually wanted, he got himself marooned. No wonder he “plays things close to the vest now,” living in his secondary, and making people guess his motives. 

At first he appears totally pragmatic, always on the side of the person who can give him the most stuff. But I don’t buy it. Jack Sparrow has a weird code of honor. Maybe not one he’s comfortable with (“you can never predict when an honest man is going to do something incredibly… stupid.”) But it’s there. The way he’s introduced - alone, respectfully saluting hanged pirates – that’s letting us know it’s not just his own freedom he values.

I like that little moment after he rescues Elizabeth when he makes it clear that she doesn’t owe him anything. “I saved your life, you saved mine, we’re square” implies that there’s a right way to do things, and that the wrong way is making people feel obligated. Jack has similar moments with Gibbs. Every time he says “keep to the Code,” he’s reaffirming that no one has to save him. When his crew abandons him, Jack shrugs and says, “They’ve done what’s right by them. Can’t ask for more than that.” 

This means that Jack Sparrow has a Lion primary. But he’s a pirate, so his felt morality is less right vs. wrong and more free vs. trapped. Apart from that he’s actually kind of a classic Lion - perfectly happy on his own, so long as he doesn’t have to compromise his morals. In a deleted scene we learn that he turned pirate because he refused to be a slave ship captain, and that’s in character. He only wants the Black Pearl because the Black Pearl is freedom. That’s the message he teaches, as an unconventional mentor. He cuts Elizabeth out of her literal corset, and prods Will out of his figurative one.

(and a magic compass that points to whatever Jack wants most is a gorgeous metaphor for a Lion primary, guided by their feelings and intuition. Their internal compass).

Elizabeth Swann has a pirate’s soul. She ends the story as Pirate King. But when we meet her, she is a high-class lady deeply suspicious of the rules. She’s not on board with the latest fashions, eager to ditch her table manners, and she’s real friendly with Will - even though it makes her father bluster, “The setting is not entirely proper!” Miss Elizabeth Swann is stifled by her situation (her corset is too tight.) She’s got a whole life planned out for her, and it’s a nice life. Port Royal is a nice city and Norrington is a nice guy. But still. The thought that this is where things are going makes her uncomfortable. 

Elizabeth wants to be able to act based on her gut responses. And as long as the pirates are also doing this, she’s on board. But she ditches the Pirate Code the moment it contradicts her own internal felt morality.

ELIZABETH: All of you with me. Will is in that cave and we must save him! (…) GIBBS: There’s the Code to consider. ELIZABETH: The Code. You’re pirates. Hang the Code, and hang the rules. They’re more like guidelines anyway.

She’s been using the pirate way of life as a way to justify and explain the way she’s always felt. And when you put things in that order (I like this system because it supports what I already know to be true) that’s a Lion primary. Also, the advice her dad gives her is just so perfect for a Lion: “Even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision.” You’re doing the smart thing Elizabeth, not the thing you feel is right. It’ll make you miserable. Stop it.

When it comes to secondaries, Elizabeth definitely has some Bird skills. She collects data (about pirates), and can put a plan into action. But it’s a model. When she’s in trouble, when things are serious, she goes improvisational Snake secondary all the way. Elizabeth lies to Barbossa, tells Norrington what he wants to hear, pretends to be drunk to put Jack off his guard. She improvises weapons, and she plays into “proper lady” stereotypes so people underestimate her. Gibbs actually recognizes this, and calls Elizabeth “daft like Jack.”

Elizabeth and Jack do house-match, which is why they always seem to get each other. Elizabeth can pin Jack down and make him give her a straight answer. She’s the only one who can consistently trick him. And when she kills him – well, he forgives. Easily. It’s never even a thing. If he had been in Elizabeth’s place he would have done exactly the same thing, and he knows it. And he knows she knows it.

(it’s kind of neat how at the end of the first movie, the two of them are trapped by Norrington, then freed by Norrington, and go off to form the core of their respective pirate crews.)

Will Turner is a charging Lion secondary who deals with challenging situations by laying all his cards on the table and throwing his sword at something. This makes him a really good foil for the Snake secondary leads, and I will never get tired of watching Jack make faces, and say variations of “how about this time we don’t just run in screaming, yeah?”

JACK: Do us a favor. I know it’s difficult for you, but please, stay here. And try not to do anything… stupid.”

WILL: Let her go! BARBOSSA: You’ve only got one shot, and we can’t die. JACK: Don’t do anything stupid… WILL: You can’t. I can! JACK: … like that.

JACK: So what’s your plan then? WILL: I row over there, search the ship until I find your bloody key. JACK: And if there are crewmen? WILL: I cut down anyone in my path.

To be fair, Will does start off with a Badger secondary model. Badgers care about things being fair, and Will gets annoyed at Jack for cheating, and annoyed at Elizabeth for stealing the medallion. He’s also really leaning into the hard work aspect of the Badger secondary by practicing sword fighting three hours a day. But this doesn’t seem to be a secondary that’s especially good for him. It makes him tense and uptight, and by the end of the first film he’s completely thrown it off.

I really considered a Snake primary for him, based on how single-mindedly he goes after Elizabeth. Movies 2 and 3 just keep throwing Loyalist conflicts at him. (Will can stay with Elizabeth or save his father, but he can’t do both!) But I think he’s actually a Badger primary.

This boy cares about his communities a lot. He doesn’t think he can be with Elizabeth (even though she clearly likes him) because of “propriety.” He believes society when society tells him she’s out of his league. He covers for a boss who spends most of his time passed-out drunk, probably out of a sense of loyalty, or because he feels that’s what he’s supposed to do. He starts off the film completely dehumanizing pirates, but slowly learns his lesson –  a very Badger primary character arc. And then, when Will rescues Jack at the end, it’s not because Jack is his (the way a Snake primary would parse it) but because Jack is a good man who isn’t being treated right.

(also the “part of the ship, part of the crew” refrain that Will’s new crew chants as he takes over for Davy Jones is very… dark Badger magic. You are becoming part of the whole.)

Hector Barbossa is the definition of a Burnt Primary. He can’t want. He can’t allow himself to want. Wanting is off the table. (because he is an undead skeleton.)

However, I do think that when Barbossa is healthy and y’know, not cursed, he’s a Snake primary. His beloved monkey is a little nod to the sorts of Snakey bonds he would like to form, but isn’t able to at the moment. Apart from that, he values self-care, and is a bit of a hedonist. He likes pretty things. He likes putting Elizabeth in pretty dresses. He likes elegantly prepared food, antique furniture, and nice hats. (Things start getting serious in the sword fight after Jack cuts off his feather.) This is why I think his redemption arc is so funny. Once his primary unburns, and he’s able to want things safely, he pretty much becomes a happy-go-lucky good guy overnight. And you know, I completely buy it.

As for secondary, I’m going with Badger. Barbossa community builds (he’s a much better captain than Jack.) He gives morale raising speeches. Leader of a mutiny is pretty classic dark Badger stuff. Marooning Jack, and dropping Bootstrap Bill into the ocean tied to a canon are both very ruthless, very public acts that are all about weaponizing community as a way to dehumanize your enemies and cement your power.

James Norrington starts out very Establishment (like Elizabeth.) But unlike Elizabeth, he seems to enjoy the way he can just see his life all laid out. Work his way up, become Commodore, marry the governor’s daughter. He proposes the second after he gets his promotion, it really is like he’s working from a checklist. It’s a very rigid Bird primary.

And he follows the law: “One good deed is not enough to redeem a lifetime of wickedness.” But more than that, he is comforted by following the law. When Jack tempts him into going after the Black Pearl, Norrington is clearly feeling it – but says there are things he values more than his own gut responses.

JACK: Think about it… the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up? NORRINGTON: By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow, not only myself.

This is such a great illustration of the difference between a Lion and Bird primary. A Bird’s higher power lives outside of them (and as we see here, that can make them really hard to tempt, bribe, or corrupt). But a Lion’s higher power is inside them, always. At the end of the film, Norrington adapts his system into something that looks a lot more Lion primary (this is a universe that likes Lions, and Norrington likes Lions too). But he’s still very, very Bird.

Governor Swann tells him that “perhaps on the rare occasion that the right course demands an act of piracy, piracy itself might be the right course,” and Norrington takes that in, sees the actions of Elizabeth, and says - okay. Maybe hunt all pirates always isn’t the perfect system I thought it was. Jack Sparrow tends to leave the world better than he found it, so it’s best to let him go. This change doesn’t seem upsetting to him, he doesn’t need to justify or explain it. It’s just obvious. Norrington reacts exactly the same when he learns that Elizabeth is not in love with him. He absorbs this new information, tells her that he understands, and walks away. When Lions change their minds, the process is a heck of a lot more emotional.

Then in the next film, the people around him don’t support his new Truth, and force Norrington to continue doing things he has discovered that he finds morally objectionable. And so he resigns his commission, burns, and goes into freefall, grasping at the systems he sees around him, trying to find something to hold onto. He seems like he might be beginning to build a more stable Truth – but dies before he can manage it. The sequels did Norrington dirty.

I actually want to say he’s a Badger secondary. At his most desperate and lost, his instinct is to join Jack’s crew. At his most powerful, he’s quietly calling in all his favors and getting the entire Royal Navy to look for Elizabeth. These are both versions of the same thing – leveraging community and connections to get things done. 

tl;dr

Jack Sparrow – Lion primary that sees “freedom” as the ultimate good, with a bit of an amoral, pragmatic Snake primary performance so people don’t find that out / Snake secondary

Elizabeth Swann –  Stifled Lion primary living in a situation where she’s not allowed to act on her instincts. Runs after pirates every chance she gets, because the ‘pirate life’ allows her to do just that / Snake secondary, Bird secondary model 

Will Turner – Badger primary / Lion secondary, Badger secondary model that Jack gets him to drop.

Hector Barbossa – Burnt Snake primary that un-burns when the curse that doesn’t allow him to want things is lifted / Badger secondary

James Norrington – Rigid by-the-books Bird primary that changes to something that looks a lot more Lion, before it burns in the sequels / Badger secondary

[spidernerdsblog]

I forgot that you existed: Chapter Three

A/N : Chapter three is here. It’s a little bit longer than the previous chapters got a little carried away. Things are getting little steamy between our ex lovers. In this chapter I have incorporated some other songs felt it will go with the situation the songs go side by side with the scenes as you read. Hope you like it. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader

Summary: It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realize you are still not done with each other.

Warnings: mild cursing

Mini playlist: It’s nice to have a friend by Taylor Swift, Physical by Dua Lipa, Into you by Ariana Grande

In the evening a barbeque was arranged. All were enjoying chatting, eating and drinking. You occasionally glanced towards Tom and El all cuddled up. When suddenly Paddy called you

“Hey Y/N it’s been so many years didn’t hear you sing”

“Then how are my albums selling if I’m not singing Pads” you joked giving a surprised look

“I meant up close live like you used to do”

“Yes Y/N please sing something I always wanted to go to your concerts but never got the opportunity” El insisted

“But I don’t have my guitar or any kind of instruments”

“That’s not a problem we have your old guitar wait a minute let me get that” Ed got up to bring it.

“You still have that?”

“yeah Tom insisted to keep it here” Harrison said.Tom and you looked at each other.

“Okay this song is totally dedicated to you guys and please no posting in your social media accounts because this will be in my next album too, the music company will kill me.” You joked. You tuned in the guitar and started playing

School bell rings, walk me home Sidewalk chalk covered in snow Lost my gloves, you give me one "Wanna hang out?" Yeah, sounds like fun Video games, you pass me a note Sleeping in tents

It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh)

Zendaya leaned her head on your shoulder you smiled at her.

Light pink sky up on the roof Sun sinks down, no curfew Twenty questions, we tell the truth You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too Something gave you the nerve To touch my hand

It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh)

Harrison got up from his seat and grabbed your shoulder from the back giving you a hug as you sang.

Church bells ring, carry me home Rice on the ground looks like snow Call my bluff, call you "babe" Have my back, yeah, everyday Feels like home, stay in bed The whole weekend

It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh)

It was an emotional moment for all of you as everyone gathered around you for a giant hug though Tom kept his distance.

“Okay enough of tears. Tomorrow is going to be a fun day because its beach day.” Harrison announced. Everyone cheered.

“So better we all get a goodnight’s sleep”

 You were a late riser when you are on a holiday so when you woke up Zendaya was already dressed for the beach day

“Good morning sleeping beauty”

 “Morning” you mumbled

 “So excited for today?”

 “Totally!!”

 “Then get your ass out of the bed and freshen up”

 “Yeah” you rubbed your eyes

 “I'm going downstairs to check what others are  upto don't fall asleep in the bathroom.”

“Okay”

 You got up and went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and then have a shower . The cool water relieved your muscles instantly .

��Paddy, Jacob and Ed were busy setting up the table. Harry and Chloe were helping Sam in the kitchen.

“What's up boys?”

 “Breakfast is almost ready”, Sam said, tossing the ingredients in the fry pan.

 “The food looks so delicious gotta take a picture will make a perfect story. Oh shit I forgot my phone.”

 Tom was coming down the stairs as Zendaya stopped him.

“Hey Tom can you please go and tell Y/N to bring my phone with her when she comes downstairs.?”

Tom hesitated to go but eventually agreed .. "yeah okay"

You came out of the bathroom all fresh a towel wrapped around your body. As you started humming a song and drying your hair with a blow dryer.

Tom stood in front of your room. He really had a bad habit of not knocking before coming into your room since childhood so out of habit he just opened the door.

 As the door flung open. You shrieked, clutching your towel tightly.

“Oh my god!!! What the fuck Tom!!!”

 Tom couldn't help but stare at you in a towel hair all wet, beads of water dripping down the ends. Your smooth skin glowing in the sunlight coming from the windows giving you an ethereal look.

 “Stop staring you creep and close the fucking door!!!” You yelled again.

Tom was startled as he closed the door behind him.

 “Seriously” you huffed “I said to close the door and leave not to come inside you idiot!!”

 “It's in a way your fault why didn't you lock the door?” Tom quipped back

 “What!! After all these years you couldn't learn the basic manner of knocking the door before entering someone's room. And it's my fault?”

 “Okay I'm sorry calm down I just came to convey Z's message she said you to bring her phone as she forgot to take it with her that's all.”

“The message has been received and now you may leave I have gotta get dressed”

 Something went across Tom's mind as he gave you a mischievous look "what if I don't?"

 ‘What do you mean?” You were confused

 “I meant this isn't the first time I have seen you like this, actually seen more than that.” He winked.”Then why so shy to change infront of me now?”

 You narrowed your eyes," you think this is funny Holland?"

 “Whatever you think princess.” he grinned

 Tom was testing your patience but you weren't the one to give up so easily . So you decided to play along with his dangerous game.

 "You know what I actually don't mind either ." you smirked. "But I don't think El would be quite pleased to see her would be husband with his ex just in a towel."

 You started walking towards him with a sultry look in your eyes, your hand grabbed the tucked end of the towel as you motioned to remove it from your body. Tom was stunned by your answer little did he expect you would say that. Inappropriate thoughts started to hover in his mind but half of his mind reminded him it is wrong he's engaged to El and he can't break her trust. Tom shut his eyes and turned his back towards you as he opened the door and left closing it behind . You shook your head and laughed at how flustered he looked. You quickly got ready putting on your shorts and an off shoulder crop top.

 You came downstairs, breakfast was already served. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and toast instantly made you hungry. There were freshly baked muffins too.

 “Here you go rock star.” Chloe handed you your plate of food.

 “Thanks darlo” you cooed

 You bite into your muffin as you get lost in its flavors.

"mmmmph.. I think I had a foodgasm" you giggled as others also started laughing.

“How do you cook so tasty food Sam? it's too good. I missed this so much”

 “Glad you liked it Y/N”

 You went to pick up another piece of muffin from the plate on the table as you were interrupted by another hand. It was Tom. You looked at him.

"Umm.. ladies first" He said moving his hand.

 You took your piece and went to chat with others.

Tom's eyes followed you thinking of how unbothered you were after the little stunt that you pulled off a while ago.

 “Yo man where are you lost at” Jacob broke his train of thoughts

 “Nothing bro” tom shook his head

 “Where's El?”

 “Oh she's getting ready will be down in a minute.”

 ..................................

Finally you were all on the beach. The weather was perfect and you can't wait to go surfing after so many years. You spread your towel on the chair and put your bag on it. You grab your sunscreen lotion and apply it to your exposed areas. As you heard El calling sweetly. She looked gorgeous in bikini top and a sharong.

“Tommy can you please help me apply the lotion on my back.”

“Sure darling.” Tom took the lotion and started applying it to her back.

You kept looking as you smiled, eyes furrowed.

 "Typical" you heard Zendaya saying and looked at her as she rolled her eyes.

 "I find it cute though" you winked as both of you started giggling.

Tom looked at both of you scrunching his face as he understood why you both were laughing.

 You then spoke loudly to grab everyone's attention "are we going for surfing or not because the water will not come to us we have to go to the water! Or are we here just to apply sunscreen and get tanned" you gave a side look, that was enough to get on Tom's nerve, your revenge taken for the morning fiasco.

 Zendaya gaped at you with a smile. "You are such a bitch" she lightly punches your arm giggling.

 “Wasn't that the plan?” You raised your brow

 “Don't get so cranky grandma we are going for surfing. Let me get the surf boards first” Harrison said.

 “Do it fast.”

“Hey El you’re not coming?”

“Oh no I can’t surf”

“Tom can teach you, can’t you Tom?”

“Oh no it’s ok we have come to enjoy don’t want him to give surfing lessons instead of enjoying I can learn afterwards as he’s going to be there for me forever”

“You are really a sweet girl El I really like you. Tom is really lucky to have you”

“Thanks” she giggled shyly as she hold on to Tom’s hands.

 You felt really good surfing after a long time. You made Harry click some good Instagramable pictures of yours while surfing. You were all wet when you came on the shore, clothes sticking to your body. You raised your hands above your head and stretched your body. When you heard someone say

“Nice tattoo”

You looked at the man with flowy dark brown hair and indigo eyes. He was tall with a broad chest and well defined abs . You glanced at your tattoo on the left side of your hip and then looked at him

 "Umm thanks" you furrowed your eyes smiling.

 “Solo trip?”

 "Oh no with my mates they are over there" you pointed towards your group.

 “ Oh great!! By the way I'm Steve.. Steve Johnson  and I know who you are. Big fan of your works.”

“Thank you” you smiled shyly

 “I really like your tattoo”

 “You like my tattoo or is there something else you like ?” You narrowed your eyes grinning.

 "Yeah I like you too by the way" he scratched his head giving a goofy smile looking down his feet then to you.

 You shook your head and laughed

 “But still what is the meaning behind it?”

 "Nothing special. I just liked the design and I had a scar over there so I had to cover it up." That wasn't the actual story behind it and you knew it very well.

 Tom was with El listening to her chatter but all his attention was in your conversation with Steve. And he knew that the tattoo on your hip was there for a special reason not for any mere scar.

 Happy first anniversary to us. You clinked your champagne glasses together. It's been one year since Tom proposed you to be his girlfriend. Tom had decided to have a candlelight dinner with you at his house. He had cooked your favorite dishes. After dinner you both sat down on the all couch cuddled up to binge watch star wars movies.

“Y/N?”

 “Hmmm”

 “Please never leave me even if I am being an asshole to you sometimes. Please don't ever leave me”

“I'll always be there for you dummy.” You messed his hair. “Besides who else will tolerate your tantrums other than me.”

“Pinky promise?”

 You giggled “yes pinky promise.” You both hold on to your pinkies.

“You know what I'm thinking to get a tattoo”

“Don't get under your foot it really hurts” Tom chuckled.

 And the next day you were in a tattoo parlor as you went through the catalog and found the exact design you wanted.

You couldn't wait to show it to Tom as you reached his house you just ran inside as you saw him in the kitchen you went and hugged him from back and gave a kiss on his cheek. “I have a surprise for you”

He turned around the kitchen island to face you.You lifted your top to reveal your hip. You had got a tattoo of two hands pinkies intertwined as a reminder to your yesterday's promise of not leaving each other.

The promise you made was already broken. And maybe the heartbreak you had was a scar for you. 

“Okay then you enjoy your day I gotta go find my friends.See you around.”

 “Yeah sure.” You gave a smile

As he left Z, Chloe and El huddled around you

“Oh my god Y/N who was that hot guy?” Z asked excitedly

 “Umm his name is Steve and he likes my tattoo.” You giggled.

 “It's barely our second day here and you got someone to get laid way to go girl” Chloe lightly punched your arm

 “Oh shut up I barely know him” Harrison called you all to say something. Z, El, Chloe went towards him. As you were about to go you heard Tom

“So you finally found someone who can apply sunscreen on you too”

“What!? Oh come on we weren’t making fun of you, we just didn't think you were such a hopeless romantic type of guy”

 “When you are with the right person it feels good to be a hopeless romantic. Like take it for yourself you were always a fun type not marriage or romancing type”

 “So you're admitting that I was fun, glad to hear that.” You winked.

“Hey Y/N come on lets play volleyball”

“Yeah coming!! Haz”

“So what are teams?”

“It's me vs you. 

“Fine by me.Gonna kick your ass like always.”    

“Don’t get so overconfident darling I have upped my skills. Okay let's toss  whoever wins will get to choose first their team members.” 

“I’m gonna be the referee” El announced.

Harrison won the toss he chose Ed, Jacob, Tuwaine, Chloe, Harry

You had hoped Haz took Tom in his team but damn you Haz ,so you had Z, Paddy, Tom, Sam in your team

“Hey we are short of one player” you complained

You saw Steve coming from the other side with his friends. Zendaya elbowed you

“Babe it's your chance go and ask him out” You giggled and immediately ran towards Steve

“Hey hi”

“Hi again beautiful”

You hesitated a bit “Umm do you wanna? do you mind if I ask you to join us? We are playing volleyball and I'm short of one player.”

 “Of Course love, it will be my utmost pleasure.”

 You both came back and took your positions at the back. The game started and you were impressed by Steve's skills. He was really good at the game.

“Didn't think you would turn out be such a player.”

“I can be more than that love if you want.” He winked.

You blushed profusely “for now I just want to beat my best friend's ass in the game”

“As you wish mam”

Tom was standing in the front and he could hear all of your conversations. It would be a lie if he said he wasn't feeling jealous.

Both the teams were on tie the last round was do or die for you.

You went to serve the ball but accidentally it slipped and it went and hit at the back of Tom's head. You gave a panicked look while others started laughing.

“I'm really sorry Tom the ball slipped from my hand” you also started giggling.

“But I think you did that intentionally Y/N” Tom said angrily

 “What do you think I don't understand why you are acting to be so nice”

“What are you saying Tom I don't understand I already said that I'm sorry it was totally an accident?”

“Are you sorry? You just can’t tolerate that after so many years finally I’m happy with someone”

“Yo Tom calm down” Jacob said

 “Yes Tom stop overreacting!” Chloe yelled

“Tell your friend to stop acting to be so nice!!”

“Hey man you are unnecessarily making a big deal out of it” Steve came in your defense.

“You please stay out of this. Its between us”.

“Tom you can’t speak to Steve like this”

“Oh now I get it all this to grab his attention. You are wasting your time on her dude take my advice leave her she anyways will leave you after she gets whatever she wants from you”.

Your blood was boiling at Tom’s words. El was totally confused at the whole scene she wasn't getting why Tom was reacting like that, your temper rising as you noticed her and abruptly spoke

“Hey El I know you are totally confused at what is going on let me give you a pretext to it ,you actually know half of my identity that is I'm their childhood friend but I'm more than that to your fiance actually.” you jabbed at her

“Y/N I said you no” Tom yelled

“Oh it’s too late now honey”

“For the record I'm his ex girlfriend. We had been in a relationship since we were teenagers then we broke up six years ago. But I guess he couldn't get over it as that is why he couldn’t say you about me” you glared at him looking up and down. “Maybe you are failing to give him the love he needs that is why he can’t forget me and is acting like a dickhead.”

El was definitely hurt by your words. She ran towards the beach house teary eyed. Tom ran after her “El wait! Don’t go! I can explain!! Please listen!!”

“Fuck you Y/N!!!”

You gave him the finger with both your hands with an uninterested look on your face.

The game obviously had to be ended after the heated argument. And everybody came back to the beach house. You were all sitting in the living room. Tom and El were in their room. Probably sorting out the matter after your big revelation.

“What is the problem with Tom?” Z exclaimed

“He has totally gone nuts” Sam scoffed

“Y/N are you okay?” Harrison nudged your shoulder

“Yeah I'm fine but I really feel bad I shouldn't have spoken to El like that. That was totally rude. I just got really angry. I didn't do it intentionally.

“It's okay Y/N we know it was never your fault. Tom has always been a dickhead.” Harry reassured you

‘I think I need to talk to El and clear things out before it gets more complicated.”

El was standing at the porch when you approached her.

“Hey”

“Hey” she gave a half smile

“Listen I came to apologize for today. I'm really sorry I shouldn't have talked to you like that. It was so rude of me. I just couldn't control myself after what Tom said. I don't know what Tom said to you about me but I have no intention of interfering in your lives. I'm really happy for both of you. To be honest I still love him, he is my best friend though he doesn't see me like his friend anymore. I don't want to become the reason for a rift in your relationship.”

“I understand Y/N in a way it was Tom's fault, he was the one who overreacted in spite of you saying sorry.”

“Thank you El for understanding.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah sure”

“Why did you guys break up?”

You sighed deeply “because I was way too selfish. I couldn't give the love he deserved. But now I feel you can fill that void in his life. You took El's hand in yours El “I'm giving his responsibility to you El. Please never leave his side. Fill his life with love and happiness he deserves. And if you guys want I can..I can leave tomorrow itself.”

“No Y/N I wouldn't want that you both share a past together but that should not affect our future. You will always be a good friend to me.”

“So if we are all good you guys are coming to the party right”

“Party??” El gave a confused look

“Yeah Harrison arranged a sort of welcome and success party for me, gonna have fun tonight.”

 “Yeah sure and I'll persuade Tom don't worry.

...........................................................

 You chose your little black dress with a deep plunging neckline as your outfit for the night. Zendaya was still confused between two of her outfits. You both did your make up and got ready.

“What's with that cleavage?” Zendaya quipped

“I don't think I stand a chance with that Steve guy after today's events so I have to find a new one” you laughed.

 As you guys reached the night club, you could hear the music blasting from outside. The bouncers checked your ids and let you in. Harrison ordered the drinks as you all gathered together. Harrison raised a toast

“To our long living friendships and our rock-star's successful album.”

You all cheered.

“Okay guys the drinks are on me for tonight, help yourselves” you announced.

The boys cheered. Everyone scattered the couples went for a dance as you looked at Tom and El dancing and laughing. You were sipping on a margarita when you felt a light tap on your shoulder and you looked back.

"Hey you went away without even saying a proper goodbye"

“Umm hi, sorry actually I wasn’t in a good state at that moment”

“Yeah I understand. how are you now?”

“Fine.”

He was checking you out all thanks to your dress

“Up here Mr.” You grinned

He gave a lopsided smile “you look hot”

“Thanks”

Physical by Dua Lipa starts playing

(Common love isn't for us We created something phenomenal Don't you agree? Don't you agree? You got me feeling diamond rich Nothing on this planet compares to it Don't you agree? Don't you agree? )

 Zendaya came and grabbed your hand “come on slowpoke. Let's burn the dance floor.” She pulled you to the dance floor.

(Who needs to go to sleep, when I got you next to me?

All night, I'll riot with you I know you got my back and you know I got you So come on, come on, come on Let's get physical Lights out, follow the noise Baby, keep on dancing like you ain't got a choice So come on, come on, come on Let's get physical)  

You both swayed to the music as you both started lip syncing with the song loudly and laughing. You grooved sensuously giving occasional glances to Steve. He took the que and approached you. You felt his arms around your hips as he turned you towards him. You put your arms on his shoulders as you both swayed to the music looking into each other's eyes.

“Hey Steve!! come on mate you have to go!” you heard a group of men calling out

“Er... sorry I have to leave my friends are calling. See you again” 

“It’s ok bye see ya” You came back to the counter. You ordered some lemon drops. You gulped it down and bite into the lime.

“Didn't think you will make him leave you so soon”

You rolled your eyes “wasn't today enough for you.”

“I can never get enough of you princess”

“Stop calling me that!!”

“Why does it turn you on?”

“Huh!!” you deadpanned. “It makes me feel nauseated. You don't excite me anymore Holland” you grinned. He was going to say something as Tuwaine interrupted

“Hey let’s do power hour” Tuwaine suggested

“Yessss!!!!” the boys shouted in unison

“Guys seriously none of you can handle yourselves after that. We girls have also come to enjoy not to carry your drunken asses home” You jabbed.

“We can handle ourselves Y/N don’t worry” Harry assured you

“We’ll see that”

The game started only Paddy didn’t participate as he was not sure of his capacity to handle . Jacob gave up half way through the shots. Sam and Harry both struggling to keep up the pace lastly giving up. It was now between Tom, Harrison and Tuwaine. Tuwaine won eventually. And now all the boys were definitely drunk as you had expected.

You were having your shots as Tom took one from you.

“Aren’t you already enough drunk loser”

“I’m not a loser” he said in a raspy voice

“Then who lost to Tuwaine anyways I’m gonna go dance you sulk here loser”

 Into you by Ariana Grande starts playing

(I'm so into you, I can barely breathe And all I wanna do is to fall in deep But close ain't close enough 'til we cross the line So name a game to play, and I'll roll the dice, hey)

You walked to the center of the dance floor swaying your hips a little as you start grooving to the song. You felt a little tipsy as you danced along the song, drunk sweaty bodies hovered around you. 

(Oh baby, look what you started The temperature's rising in here Is this gonna happen? Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move Before I make a move)

You started dancing with some random drunk guy. You glanced at Tom as you placed your hands around his neck and danced with that guy. Yes the alcohol in your system wanted Tom to make a move.

(So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

Tom clenched his jaw as he gulped down a shot slamming the glass on the bar counter and started walking towards you. You continued to dance sensually.

(Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

You felt a familiar pair of arms around your waist as he turned you and pulled you closer to him. Your palms resting on his broad chest. The smell of his cologne taking over your senses.

(This could take some time, hey I made too many mistakes Better get this right, right, baby)

You placed your hands around Tom's neck as you get lost into each other's eyes. The world seemed a blur to you at the moment as you cared less of who was watching, you just wanted to live this moment.

(So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

 He took your hand in his and twirled you around a few times before pulling you closer, your back pressed to his chest, your bodies swaying, occasionally grinding against each other.

(Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

 He brushed aside your hair with one hand, his other hand on your shoulder as he kissed you behind your ear. You gasped at his touch as you felt your body was on fire. You tilted your head a little to give him more access as he brushes his lips on your neck. Tom's hands ran down your arms lacing with your fingers.

(Tell me what you came here for 'Cause I can't, I can't wait no more)

You suddenly felt whatever is happening is wrong, you pulled away from him to leave as he caught hold of your hand.  

(I'm on the edge with no control And I need, I need you to know You to know, oh)

You looked at him and then to your hands. He pulled you impossibly closer as you slammed into his chest. Your legs were wobbly as he steadied you by holding your waist. The smell of his cologne doing things to you. Old memories, nostalgia hitting you. He lifts you up and spins a little.

  (So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

You look at him with droopy eyes as he brings you down; he hugs you even closer. He knelt near your neck, nose brushing against the bottom of your ear. You whimpered when his hot breath ghosted your ears. "Do I still excite you babygirl?" he whispered in your ears. You could just hum in response, your body shivering at each and every touch of his.

(Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

Purple lights danced across Tom's face illuminating his  brown eyes, highlighting his each and every feature. You went dizzy when his lips ghosted at your sweet spot at the nape of your neck. You threw your hands around his neck tugging his hair at the bottom. His hands snaked around your waist sensually gliding to your thighs at the hem of your dress.You weren't that drunk so soon the realization hit you where it is leading to. You thought, what were you doing? This is so not right. You struggled to free yourself from his hold pushing him away by his chest.

(So come light me up, so come light me up my baby A little dangerous, a little dangerous my baby A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you ) song fading away...............

You both stand in the middle of the dance floor breathless. You ran your hand through your already messed up hair. You stomped off to the bar counter as Tom followed you.

...............................................................................

Taglists: to be added send a message or ask I'll be happy to add you in the following chapters.

@sophs-library​ @sleepybesson​ @spideyparkerstark​ @itstaskeen​ @milli86​ @biebsmylife95​ @quaksonhehe​ @hannahholland1811​

@astridcommings

[and-they-were-crewmates]

Room For Three | Deleted Scenes

Hi friends! Have you read my fic Room For Three? If not, and you’re looking for Holden/Amos/Naomi fic, go check that out first, because it’s better than this.

The following are a few deleted scenes from Chapter 20. These scenes did not actually occur in the universe of the fic. They were deleted in part because they weren’t relevant to anything, so they added too much superfluous bulk to an already superfluous and bulky fic, and in part because I wasn’t very confident with my characterization of Camina’s family or the way I communicated their dialect. I do love the idea of giving Drummer some closure with Naomi, though I don’t think that Room For Three is the place to explore that concept. That being said, this was a fun little scene, so I’d like to share!

Very mildly NSFW text below. This is from a rated E fic, but is not explicitly sexual. CW recreational drug use (marijuana)

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” said Naomi into her hand terminal. The small window in the corner reflected her own image, alone in the room while Jim either finished up his therapy or got started on his way to lunch with Fred, and Amos journeyed to pick up food for the two of them. The larger window, the focus of her attention, showed Drummer’s full face and half of another woman’s, whose shoulder acted as a pillow for Camina’s tilted head. Her friend looked more at peace than Naomi had ever seen her. 

“Nah, we insist. Whole crew will be happy to meet The Naomi Nagata. Plus, your Earther boys obviously need a lesson in family. Double date.” 

“Is it still called a double date if there’s nine people at the table?” 

“Nonuple date, then. Come. Josep good cook, Bertold good advice, Oksana good to look at,” she said. The body next to her stuck out an elbow in playful defense, and a loving giggle filled the speaker. “Good in bed, too,” Camina added to appease her, and they both laughed together. 

“Alright, alright. I guess I’d rather get polyam lessons from you lot than from Jim’s eight parents.” 

“Soyá. One Holden is more than enough for me.” Naomi didn’t say it, but she agreed. The Holden family was a lot to handle. She knew there might be a discussion with them in her future, in which she and Amos would undoubtedly have to stand under their mild-mannered scrutiny and well-meant condescension, but she hoped to put it off as long as possible. 

“Be nice to him tonight,” Naomi implored,  Camina rolled her eyes. 

“To ta ge im, bosmang. I will try. No promises ‘bout Serge though. Discriminate, im does.”

“Ah, pashang fong, ‘Mina,” a man’s voice bellowed, the pejorative softened by his loving tone. His head appeared on Naomi’s device, upside down at the top of the frame. “Mi behave, promise.” They all three laughed together, a contagious sound that put a smile on Naomi’s face. 

Camina’s family was as affectionate as it was functional, and any jealousy was squandered as soon as it sprouted through open networks of communication. They didn’t all sleep in the same bed, or all have sex at the same time, or spend every waking hour together, the six of them, but they loved each other equally just the same. They didn’t all keep score of their ‘wins’ and ‘losses’— surely Michio didn’t feel left out if Oksana got milkshakes with Josep one day, and Drummer didn’t pout if Serge chose to shower with Bertold instead of her. They found a balance together, where everyone was included, even in the moments when they weren’t. They’d be good role models. 

“Alright, we’ll be there,” Naomi said, excitement written on her face. When the phone call was over, she turned her attention to the door. Amos was taking longer than anticipated. She supposed she’d have to find some way to occupy herself until he returned. 

***

Josep’s cooking was so spicy that it felt like a targeted attack. Holden was the only one who seemed to notice— which only furthered his suspicions that it was a deliberate poisoning— though he knew he was just wimpier than anyone else in the room. Otherwise, Holden, Naomi, and Amos were welcomed warmly into Drummer’s home like members of the family. 

They each had their own unique flavor of advice, ranging from categorically unhelpful to actually something to think about, spoken in different degrees of broken English or part-English part-Belter. Holden appreciated the great effort they went to to be understood by him. They probably had very little use for pure English in their day-to-day lives, and the grammar of Lang Belta was very different, more efficient. It made some of their translations a little hard for Holden to process, but if they could make the effort, so could he. 

“Da pashang gut?” Serge asked. In the time it took Holden to decide if he was comfortable answering whether they had good sex, Amos and Naomi had already given their yesses. “Gut. The rest figure itself out.” 

“That’s terrible advice,” interjected Michio. 

“Work for me an’ Josep this morning,” he shrugged. “Take too long in shower. Mi angry. Join him in shower, mi na so angry.” Michio rolled her eyes. 

“It’s not about sex,” she said. “You can have good sex and no love for each other.”

“Like in Camina dream about Holden,” Serge contributed. Holden didn’t know what to do with that information. Naomi seemed to like it. 

“I’ve had that dream,” Amos added. Holden elbowed him. 

“Sure, like that,” dismissed Michio. “It’s not about sex; it’s about trust. You trust your family will never hurt you on purpose?” she asked. The three of them nodded. “You forgive your family when they make a mistake?” she asked. They nodded. “Then you can forgive your family for anything.” That was pretty solid advice, but nothing Holden didn’t already know. They were good at forgiving each other. Had practice. 

“How do you keep everything…” Holden searched for the word, “...equal?”

“Equal? Who cares equal?” replied Bertold. “Not equal. Camina in charge. Like Naomi for you.”

“Naomi’s not—” Holden said, then backed down. It was true enough. 

“Ya. No need for equal.” 

“Is there ever jealousy? Like, if you spend more time with one person than another.” A couple of them, including Amos, looked at him like that was the stupidest question ever asked.

“That’s baby shit, kopeng,” Bertold said. “Need comfort, ask Oksana. Need tough love, ask Camina. Need fix problem, ask Michio. Need laugh, ask Josep. Need blow job, ask Serge.” 

“Hey,” Serge defended. “I’m funny, too.” 

“Ya, baby,” Bertold consoled. “I just simplify for explain. Different for others, or depend on the day. Point is, na equal. Need comfort four time, tough love one, then go Oksana four time, Camina one. ‘Mina no cry ‘bout it. Because adult. Knows mi love im the same.” Drummer smiled at him. Holden had never seen Drummer smile as bright or as often as he had that night. “End of day, eat dinner as family, go bed happy.” 

“Huh,” said Holden. “That… makes a lot of sense, thank you.”

“Try not to think so hard, Jimmy,” said Drummer. “Have some cake. Not so spicy.”

“Gee, thanks.”

***

The third or fourth time it was passed to her, Naomi took another long, luxurious puff off of Drummer’s vaporizer. She tried to pass it behind her to Jim (whose lap she didn’t think she’d been sitting in when Camina first pulled out the device) but he declined as always. Naomi presumed the captain was afraid of what slutty business he might get up to under the influence of high-grade synthetic cannabis in a room full of incredibly hot people. She couldn’t blame him, but it wouldn’t stop her from having a good time. Amos also clearly had no such reservations. 

“So,” he said between two smaller puffs (Earthers with their puff, puff, pass bullshit), “what’s the sex like?” 

“Amos, you can’t just ask people that,” Jim scolded. In rebuttal, Amos took his second puff and blew it in Jim’s face. Soberly, Naomi might’ve been on Jim’s side of that argument, but she was high and curious. Amos looked at Serge, who seemed the most likely to answer the question rather than flip him off. 

“All six of you screw together, or is it a Noah’s Ark kinda deal?” Amos asked. Serge shrugged. 

“Sometimes all six, sometimes three, sometimes two,” he said. 

“Maybe sometimes nine,” added Josep lewdly, eyeing the three guests. Amos smiled salaciously, while scattered laughter filled the room. Camina cleared her throat and shook her head. 

“What did I say?” she chided. 

“Dinner, not orgy,” Josep said. 

“Don’t see why it can’t be both,” said Amos. Jim elbowed him. 

As her Earther lovers mingled with her Belter friends, new and old, Naomi felt a sense of wholeness. Her worlds were colliding— this time in a harmonious way, not an explosive one. She didn’t know if it was the THC in her lungs or the love in her life, but she was on top of the world. 

Michio was teaching Amos and Jim an old Belter card game when Naomi was overcome with a powerful urge to speak privately with Camina. Several faces quirked suggestively as she pulled her friend from the mass of cuddling bodies on the living room floor. Apparently Amos wasn’t the only one with preconceived notions about their friendship. She ignored them and guided Camina into the next room, which only happened to be the bedroom. 

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy, Camina,” she said once they were in another room. Camina hummed and nodded, the corners of her mouth quirking up into a small smile. The weed seemed to unburden her considerably, though a deeper happiness radiated from her even before they’d smoked. Her hair was down, and it felt to Naomi like a metaphor. 

“Don’t think I ever have been,” she said. Naomi took her hand and squeezed it, beaming with pride. Camina’s expression soured almost imperceptibly; her smile was still present, though it spoke of an old, tired sadness, or perhaps just a more reluctant version of joy. “Spent a long time wanting something I could not have.” She looked Naomi up and down, and the message was heard loud and clear. That bitter-sweet smile. The harbinger of closure. 

“Ended up with something better, no?” 

“Think so,” Camina answered. Her eyes widened as she asked, and there was a youthfulness in her face that Naomi hadn’t seen before, like a child seeking approval. Naomi didn’t think Camina needed her approval, but she gave it readily. 

“I know so. Oksana looks at you like you painted the stars in the sky. You deserve that.” 

“Same way Jimmy looks at you.”  

“Same way Amos looks at my boobs,” Naomi countered. They both laughed. “You deserve to be happy, Camina Drummer. Are you?” 

“Ya, Naomi Nagata. Have everything I ever wanted, and more. Could not have imagined having something this good until it happened.”  

“I know what you mean,” Naomi said wistfully, thinking of Amos and Jim. 

“You happy, too?” Camina asked. 

“Ya,” answered Naomi, easily and honestly. Have everything I ever wanted, and more. “Mi xush.” Naomi pressed her forehead to Camina’s, and they shared their happiness together for a moment. 

“Gut.” 

“So... what’s this dream you had about Jim?” 

“Oh hush.” 

***

“You think they’re fooling around?” Amos asked the group of people whose names he didn’t know. Holden elbowed him for the third time that night. “Bug, at some point, you’re gonna have to realize jabbing me in the ribs ain’t gonna stop me from sayin’ shit.” 

“What will?” Holden asked. Amos didn’t answer, just pointed his eyes down at Holden’s crotch, and figured he got the message when he received yet another nudge to his side. He laughed,  took his turn in the card game, and hit the vape when it came around again. 

“Could I ask you something, big man?” asked the guy with the triangle tattoos beside his eyes. Amos shrugged his permission. The guy took a second to say anything else, like he was trying to word his question. He whispered something to the man at his side. 

“Ah,” the second man said, “wants to know if you have Earther cock.” Amos didn’t know what that meant. “You know, like…” he gave an inscrutable gesture, like jerking off, but not quite. “No skin.” 

“Josep,” came a scolding female voice. Amos didn’t mind. 

“Oh. Yeah, I’m circumcised.” The two men, one of whom must’ve been Josep, not that Amos would retain that information, seemed fascinated by that. He was about to ask if they wanted to see it when Naomi and her girlfriend came back. Another time, then. 

[eyreguide]

Reviews of Jane Eyre Adaptations

An overview of my thoughts on all the film and television adaptations I have seen.

Jane Eyre 1934  Virginia Bruce And Colin Clive

This is the first talkie version of “Jane Eyre” and I think has the rather unfortunate timing to have come out during the Great Depression. For that is the only reason I can think of for making the story so cheery and sweet. Gone are moral ambiguities and dilemmas. Adele is Rochester’s niece, and Rochester is in the process of divorcing his mild-mannered and slightly mad first wife. Even Mr. Rochester is charming and affable (and quite obviously in love with Jane from the start); you don’t have to work hard to like him.

Jane herself is quite spunky and has no trouble expressing anything she is feeling. I find it funny how she calls out Mr. Rochester on everything. No wonder he is pretty straightforward with her. And Jane is acknowledged to be young and pretty in the movie- interesting since so many adaptations in later years get beautiful actresses to play Jane and then pretend they are plain.

I think because this version lightens the story so much, one can’t take it too seriously as an adaptation of “Jane Eyre”.

1943 Jane Eyre   Joan Fontaine And Orson Welles

There’s a much better attempt to adapt the actual novel in this version (as compared to the 1934 film version) which makes for an interesting transition from light to dark. The 1934 film being a little too happy and this version being a little too dark. Orson Welles plays the role of Rochester with such an intensity that makes him a little intimidating. No wonder Joan Fontaine’s Jane looks like a deer caught in headlights most of the time.

The script has some interesting changes to the story that perpetuates through several movie adaptations to follow. Helen Burns has her hair cut at Lowood instead of Julia Severn in the novel, and Jane heroically demands to have her hair cut as well. Jane is more directly the cause of Mr. Rochester falling off his horse as he looms up on her and she is unfortunately in the way instead of standing quietly by the side of the road. Jane also feels she has to defend Adele and asks Rochester to treat her more kindly- something Jane never does in the novel.

Other interesting innovations to the story include a St. John Rivers who is the Doctor for Lowood, and who provides Jane with lessons of morality instead of Helen Burns. Overall, this film is fantastically moody and quite romantic, and a very good film if you aren’t too concerned about fidelity to the novel.

1949 Jane Eyre Mary Sinclair And Charlton Heston

Studio One produced this hour long episode and it was apparently filmed live, so they had one big set for the whole program. Consequently the script centers on the Thornfield section, although it does show Jane leaving Lowood. The house party consisted of just Blanche (with Jane having to play piano for their amusement!)

Mary Sinclair as Jane does not bring much to the role. She says her lines and acts smitten as needed. Charlton Heston is an aggressive and overly masculine Rochester, and he doesn’t really capture the character very well either. It doesn’t help that he tended to over do the emotion somewhat.

The story is very chopped up, obviously, and everything moves very quickly. There really isn’t much to recommend this, unless you are a big fan of the novel, and you like old movies.

1952 Jane Eyre  Katharine Bard And Kevin McCarthy

This episode was also produced by Studio One and is very similar in script and features a similar set. They seemed to have a little more money in the budget though because the staging and sets were a little better. And Mr. Rochester was able to have a larger house party, that reflected the book more.

Katharine Bard was also not very memorable as Jane. She said her lines and was just there. Kevin McCarthy had this interesting nicer vibe to him. He seemed more friendly and sweet, while also being demanding sometimes. It’s still not a great characterization though.

Again, I would not really recommend this version unless you are set on watching all adaptations (and that’s a great idea!)

1956 Jane Eyre Daphne Slater And Stanley Baker

This early six-part British miniseries is available to watch only at the BFI in London. I was pleasantly surprised by how well this version adapted the story. Slater and Baker’s interpretation of the characters is wonderful and the dialogue/script follows the general plot of the novel very well. It does veer off from the actual dialogue of the book, but in this case, I liked the changes. It captured the gist of the scenes and the character’s emotions. The only really odd moments came from some of the more emotional scenes which would have been better with Charlotte’s words.

The childhood part of the story features the actress playing adult Jane, also playing Jane as a child, which is a little jarring, but it actually worked rather well. Slater was good at capturing the essence of a child. Young Jane in this version is also much more outspoken and Helen Burns feels more like an equal to Jane - much less overly religious and self-sacrificing. It made for a different dynamic but I enjoyed how it showed Jane and Helen’s close relationship

Unfortunately feisty, young Jane becomes much more muted and easily frightened as adult Jane. Slater’s Jane is still good though, despirt her timidity and is able to hold her own against Baker’s Rochester. Baker makes an imposing, brusque and rough Rochester, but he brought some nuance and emotional depth to the character. The miniseries also does justice to St. John Rivers and shows him as very formidalbe and controlling - perhaps the most cold and disturbing I have ever seen St. John portrayed. He attempts to read a letter that Jane receives without her knowledge, and also lies to Jane that Rochester has already moved on from her.

This was a wonderful version with many scenes and moments that I did not expect to be included in so early an adaptation.

1957 Jane Eyre Joan Elam And Patrick MacNee

This adaptation is much fun. It’s just… so weird. The interpretation of the novel is so bad, it’s like the writer was making fun of “Jane Eyre.” Jane is preachy and spiritual to the extreme. She doesn’t have a care for herself but just wants to help Mr. Rochester in any way she can. Which Mr. Rochester must be glad of since she excuses his lecherous advances on her because he drinks (alot apparently) and because he has had a troubled past. But after Rochester has tried to take advantage of Jane, he does fall in love with her and it’s cute how much attention he pays to her during his house party. Which gives Blanche a chance to be ridiculously catty.

Mason also gets interesting things to do in this adaptation. He doesn’t get quietly stabbed and bitten on the third floor- no he crashes down some stairs during the house party, bleeding and terrified. A supremely Gothic moment. And when Jane agrees to marry Rochester, Mason sort of slides into view and is all ‘I don’t think so.’ Mason has some attitude. The script for the adaptation is just over the top- down to little Adele scrabbling in the ashes for a toy when Jane finds her in the end after (a really quick) fire.

For an “interesting” way of looking at the story of “Jane Eyre”, this adaptation scores high marks.

1957 Jane Eyre (Italian) Ilaria Occhini And Raf Vallone

This adaptation is in Italian, and the copy I have has no subtitles, so I’m reviewing this with only the acting and the gist of the scenes to go by.

This is a 5 part adaptation (oddly each episode is not quite the same length) and it begins with Jane meeting Mr. Rochester by felling his horse. From there, Jane’s childhood is told through some flashbacks. Some of the more interesting adaptation choices this version makes is to have Jane much older when she finally leaves the Reeds house. And a new sort of character is introduced - by the name of Jack Lloyd. He seems to be a combination of John Reed and St. John, in that he is Jane’s cousin on the Reed’s side (maybe?) and is in love with Jane from the beginning. While the first episode mostly deals with Jane’s childhood, we still get scenes in the next three episodes to what the Reeds are doing and especially Jack Lloyd. Jack also turns up at Thornfield to take Jane away to visit sick Mrs. Reed. I was very entertained by what seemed to be Mr. Rochester’s jealousy over Jack! Another interesting thing about this script is that Mr. Rochester hires a gypsy and listens in on the readings she gives (just like in the 2006 miniseries). And then, he comes out to comfort Jane because she has become distressed.

The feel of this adaptation is very dramatic, there is an emphasis on Gothic elements (forbidden rooms, screams, portentous secretive glances) and the audience sees things from Bertha’s point of view a couple times, as she wanders Thornfield’s halls. Jane and Rochester are smitten with each other very quickly. I found it funny how often they stare at each other as if there was no one else in the room. (Sometimes there was.) Jane can seem a bit moony, and Mr. Rochester has a few mood swings. He can seem really nice one minute and then suddenly speak very sharply. This adaptation is a bit slow, and takes some interesting liberties with the story, but I found it very entertaining and romantic. And Mr. Rochester regains his sight in a dramatic moment in the end during the wedding. A nice dramatic wrap-up.

1961 Jane Eyre Sally Ann Howes And Zachary Scott

This one-hour television production for “Family Classics” was introduced by Joan Fontaine which was a nice surprise. Opening credits start with Grace Poole getting herself some alcohol. Mr. Rochester’s entrance is not quite as dramatic- he is sitting in a chair in the darkened library when Jane goes down to get a book and he startles her when he speaks. I actually really liked this adaptation. Sally Ann Howes was again serviceable as Jane, nothing special in her interpretation. Zachary Scott as Rochester brought something different to the role as compared to the previous American hour-long television productions. His Rochester was more aristocratic in ways, he sometimes- and very vaguely!- put me in mind of Dracula. Not that he was vampiric, just in the way he carried himself. And maybe because he was dark and thin.

The script manages to include a “Rivers” section where Jane actually gets a proposal from St. John- something that hasn’t happened in the previous film adaptations I have seen. And St. John is rather egregious and plump- not very like the Apollo of the book. And if I’m not mistaken, this is also the first time they flash back to Thornfield burning down while Jane is away- breaking up the Rivers section with a scene with Rochester.

If I had to pick the best of the American hour-long productions, I would pick this one. Which is viewable free at the Paley Center in Los Angeles and New York.

1970 Jane Eyre Susannah York And George C. Scott

I feel that this version is the first to approach the story of “Jane Eyre” as it is, rather than as a dramatic rendering. It’s somber and dreamy and pretty straightforward in portraying the scenes. Not that the characterizations are all correct. Susannah York’s Jane is mature- reflective of the actress’s age undoubtedly, and George C. Scott is curiously cold and dry most of the time. St. John Rivers is surprisingly passionate and eager to marry Jane even though he still doesn’t love her.

The production benefits from location shooting (first version to shoot on the moors?), and wonderful music which goes a long way to filling in the passion and romance that is lacking in the actors. Much attention is paid to the character of Helen Burns here which is a plus- the audience really gets to see how Helen helped Jane to grow. The script in itself is okay, until the blundering line of Rochester’s “But I loved her once, as I love you now.” when Rochester has shown Bertha to Jane and the wedding party. I find that line basically undermines Rochester’s love for Jane. It is important to understand that Rochester did not love Bertha at all so then Rochester doesn’t seem so much like a jerk.

Well. This version has some issues, but to see it after the previous versions, it is a breath of fresh air because it comes closer to recreating the novel proper.

1972 Jane Eyre (Czech) Marta Vancurova And Jan Kačer

I have not re-watched this version in a long time, so this review is very brief:

A friend was able to find this rather obscure adaptation made in 1972 Czechoslovakia. The copy she found is in Czech with no subtitles, so I can’t understand a word of it. However, I will comment on the overall tone that I received from the four hour adaptation- melancholy and artsy (perhaps reflective of a low budget). Not as much passion to certain scenes as one would expect, but I did enjoy this adaptation and they did a good job with condensing the material. Except for the Lowood portion of the story, which they cut out.

1973 Jane Eyre Sorcha Cusack And Michael Jayston

This is the best version of Jane Eyre to date. I wouldn’t say there was an overall tone for the miniseries- it comes off as a straightforward interpretation of the novel. Production values are lacking in that set design and blocking are less than inspired, but it does have great costumes and outdoor sets. There are really just two reasons why this is the best version in my opinion. Script and characterization. The script uses much of the novel’s dialogue (finally!!), and sometimes brings out interesting elements of humor that one might not have noticed before. And I feel like Jane Eyre has many funny moments or comments that are mostly overlooked in other adaptations. And in condensing the material they kept so much of the story intact it’s surprising. I am only disappointed by how they shortened the Gypsy scene by having Jane discover Rochester too quickly. But every other important scene is done beautifully.

As for the actors, I am only disappointed in Juliet Whaley’s Young Jane, whose acting is stilted sometimes, but she was young. Sorcha Cusack portrays a nice blend of shyness and independence and Michael Jayston is superb as Rochester. His performance is nuanced and mesmerizing. Stephanie Beacham is probably the best Blanche I have ever seen as well- she comes off as snobbish and selfish but I can see how she might be captivating and charming to men.

There is not much else I can say about this, my favorite adaptation. I think every one who is a fan of the novel should see this version.

1983 Jane Eyre Zelah Clarke And Timothy Dalton

Another mini-series adaptation, this version had a bigger budget it seems than the 1973 version. Set design and lighting are improved, and the show even got it’s own theme! The show was also 30 minutes long per episode which gave a different, more leisurely pace to the scenes. It seems like they wanted to make sure each episode ended on a little cliff-hanger. But with the pace slower, it sometimes felt like the actors were speaking too slow. There were long (introspective?) pauses and they even broke up scenes with time lapses and set changes. The proposal scene for instance starts in the library and Jane runs out to be alone in the garden.

As an adaptation of the novel, this is the second best film version because it has so much time to give to telling the story. Zelah Clarke as Jane is a little monotone sometimes, but she does a good job showing Jane’s spirited side. Timothy Dalton’s Rochester is imperious and masterly, and very charming. The script has a proper charades scene and Rosamond Oliver makes her first appearance in this adaptation. They also show an older Eliza and Georgiana which is another first.

Overall, this version is very good and is only ranked behind Jane Eyre 1973 because of dialogue/script changes and characterization.

1996 Jane Eyre Charlotte Gainsboroug And William Hurt

This version takes a fresh look at the novel. The flow of the narrative is different- much faster in pace, so that some scenes happen quickly right after the other- giving time no doubt to show the more leisurely and melancholy scenes of Jane and Rochester alone. During Brocklehurt’s first visit to the Reeds, he immediately takes Jane away to Lowood, and there is a quick transition from Helen Burns dying to older Jane by her graveside then walking to take the coach to Thornfield. And as soon as Jane flees from Rochester and a bigamous marriage, Thornfield is on fire and the audience knows that Rochester has been injured before we know what has happened to Jane.

The overall tone of the movie emphasizes Jane and Rochester’s loneliness, which makes the film very poignant. Any “supernatural” elements to the story is minimized- Mr. Rochester does not loom up on Jane, but passes her by and then slips on ice (like in the book), and Bertha’s madness has a touch more realism and sympathy when she pushes Grace Poole to her death and then jumps after her. And again, Jane does not hear Mr. Rochester’s voice calling to her (though there is that one instance where maybe you could hear him whispering her name on the winds?) but instead she looks into her heart and knows she must go back and find out what happened to him. Even the Rivers aren’t her cousins, but just happened to be taking care of Mrs. Reed, and eventually of her effects.

This is a beautiful film- great sets, locations, vistas. The music is beautiful and haunting. Despite the truncated adaptation and the one-sided portrayal of Rochester, I really enjoyed this film. Especially for the pathos of Jane and Rochester’s romance.

1997 Jane Eyre   Samantha Morton And Ciaran Hinds

Truthfully, I dislike this version. It makes me laugh though, because I don’t understand how they could have gotten so many things wrong. The script is awful, Ciaran Hinds is horrible as Rochester, and Samantha Morton is a little annoying. Though that is probably the script. So let’s start there. We have your average truncated adaptation which makes sense- they cut things that most shorter film adaptations cut, but the dialogue! It’s too modern and direct. Jane addresses Rochester in a way that is not in keeping with her sense of propriety. Of course Rochester doesn’t hold much with formal conversations with Jane in the book, but his conversation in this film has none of the poetic prose of the novel. It’s all very cliched and off-putting.

Since Grace Poole is made a much bigger mystery in this version than in previous ones- Jane’s eagerness to rehabilitate her make sense, but is an unnecessary addition to the plot. Especially as Jane keeps harping on what Grace Poole is doing. Ciaran Hinds as Rochester is shouty and brutish and especially distasteful after the failed wedding. He throws Jane’s luggage down to the first floor and drags her to the garden, blaming her for not loving him enough to be his mistress. The only time I liked Samantha and Ciaran’s chemistry was after the fire in Rochester’s bedroom, when he took her hand. After that it was too much panting and open-mouthed kissing. Yikes.

The only scene that was enjoyable was when Jane comes back from visiting Mrs. Reed (curious how they lead up to that scene, but did not show her with Mrs. Reed at all) and Mr. Rochester is happy/annoyed at seeing Jane walking into Thornfield. It was a cute scene. Other than that, I wouldn’t really recommend this if you wanted a romantic version.

2006 Jane Eyre   Ruth Wilson And Toby Stephens

Another BBC mini-series of which I always expect alot. In some ways this adaptation delivered and in others it fell short. Production values were excellent of course. Ruth Wilson as Jane was a revelation. I’ve always thought it was hard to portray Jane’s inner emotions as detailed in the novel but Ruth manages to make her thoughts visible facially. Voiceovers were really not necessary. She’s just so good and so nuanced, well-rounded, I loved her portrayal of Jane. There are a couple of scenes in this version that have never been previously adapted. Namely the “carriage scene” when Rochester takes Jane to Millcote to buy dresses. The carriage scene dialogue with Adele in tow is so cute and playful and shows a wonderful side to all three characters. There is also the scene where Jane runs out in the rain to catch up to Mr. Rochester the night before their wedding. The dream sequence also makes it in- with Jane holding a baby while being kept away from Rochester. All scenes that I very much enjoyed watching.

Disappointingly, the script in general didn’t quite capture “Jane Eyre” in my opinion. The dialogue and changes to Mr. Rochester’s character specifically did not feel right. And of course there is THAT scene on the bed that really felt out of place for the story and for Jane’s principles. And why does Mr. Rochester hire a gypsy to trick Jane? It seems like there’s an attempt to minimize some theatrical elements (Rochester cross-dressing, the voice across the moors- now scientifically explained!) to maximize on other theatrical elements (dream sequences, Rochester’s bed on fire- which looked like a pyre, and the terrifying secret in the attic). There really doesn’t seem to be much point to emphasizing one and not the other.

Mr. Rochester often seemed a little immature, too boyish maybe, in his eagerness to collect dead insects maybe? I never really felt that Toby Stephens captured Mr. Rochester’s sophistication. The efforts to increase the sexual tension did not improve my opinion of Rochester, because Rochester getting Jane into bed was just a low blow. For the most part, I’d watch this version for Ruth Wilson and some of the humor and playfulness they put into the story.

2011 Jane Eyre Mia Wasikowska And Michael Fassbender

This version is a complete and refreshing surprise. Judging from the trailer, I thought it would be melodramatic in the extreme with an emphasis on the darker Gothic elements, but nothing could be further from the truth. The set design, lighting, and camera choices could be seen as dark, but they are also realistic to the times and what seems to be the vision of the director, Cary Fukunaga. Which appears to be to present the story of Jane as she lived it, completely tuned in to her thoughts and feelings. A very refreshing idea. Many versions have added or filmed sequences of the story in which Jane did not participate- for example, Thornfield burning down or scenes between Blanche and Rochester, but the story stays with Jane practically the whole way through, with camera angles highlighting that the audience is experiencing everything through Jane. This really changed the experience of viewing the movie- it felt real and not like a spectacle.

The script helps alot in this, it condenses the story but stays true to every part of it. Even with the narrative structure changed, it still hit all the important scenes, and stayed true to even the lesser characters in the story. It is surprising what scenes are not included in the movie- for instance the tearing of the veil- so that the focus of the story is more on Jane and Rochester’s relationship but even with that the more Gothic elements are not completely marginalized. There is still a sense of things not being quite right.

Mia Wasikowska as Jane is excellent; strong and intelligent, and fantastic at conveying her inner emotions through body language. One of the many things I loved in this version are all the shots of Jane walking/pacing restlessly. Mia somehow conveys that there is “a vivid, restless, resolute captive” inside of her. Michael Fassbender is commanding and sardonic and tender and teasing, sometimes all at once and sometimes flipping between the emotions at will- quite amazing to watch. He can be so intense that you are a little afraid of him and then so pleading and desperate that your heart breaks for him.

The movie was understated and simple and more powerfully emotional because of it. Personally, this would be my second favorite adaptation after the 1973 mini-series. Despite the inevitable condensing of the story, and an ending that felt a bit abrupt, it was so refreshing to watch a version that did not overplay the story and kept the focus on Jane.

2013-14 The Autobiography of Jane Eyre Alysson Hall And Adam J. Wright

This web series has Jane, a 21 year old university student, working as a nanny for Mr. Rochester’s daughter Adele. She vlogs about her life, and through the videos we get to meet all the people in her life.

I was really impressed by how close they stuck to the novel - adapting scenes that are often disregarded in other adaptations (granted they have a lot more time with this series) but also to make some scenes from the book modern must have been a great challenge. And I was really mostly happy with how they managed to make everything fit in their world.

I do have some issues with this as an adaptation though. Sometimes I lose focus on what some episodes are trying to adapt from the novel - it doesn’t always flow well for me, and I had an issue with Jane taping people in the beginning without their consent. I mean she can accidentally leave the camera on, but she doesn’t have to post it. But the reason why that bothers me is because Jane is supposed to have better sense than that. She can be a bit naive, but she always knows what’s right and wrong. But then again, it is difficult to adapt this kind of story! The audience would want to see these people!

The actors were all really excellent in their parts. Jane of course was so endearing and quirky - definitely different from Jane in the book, but believably the modern version. Mr. Rochester had a wonderful sense of humor and it was evident from the beginning how much he cared about Jane. Their romance was so sweet and developed very well throughout the videos. The Rivers were also believable surprisingly - I mean especially when it came to the St. John character - now called Simon. St. John in the book would be very difficult to modernize I think - because he’s so zealous and religious, selfless but selfish. They made Simon a little bit too dorky and cute, but he was also stubborn and unsympathetic to others which fit. There were some changes made when it comes to Grace that made the story work very well, and a new character - Suzana - would often steal the show with her sassiness.

It is disappointing that towards the end they had to recast the actor who played Rochester which leads to a sort of rushed and incomplete ending. I think they did the best they could, but for a series that has done such a wonderful job bringing so much of Jane Eyre to life, it’s unfortunate they left out so much of the ending.

This adaptation had it’s ups and downs for me, but I always felt there was a lot of love for this book in every episode, and the writing and the story planning was often exceptional in adapting the book. I was always happy to get a new episode and it was such a great experience getting a little dose of Jane’s story every week.

2000 Jane Eyre the Musical Marla Schaffel And James Barbour

Okay, the musical. This is the Paul Gordon version. I’ve seen SO MANY comments bashing the musical by people who have never really listened to it just because it’s “Jane Eyre” with singing, and “Jane Eyre” shouldn’t be a musical (OMG!). I have to say I was never a fan of musicals before listening to this version. (Except for “The Sound of Music” which…is a little bit like “Jane Eyre” isn’t it?) At any rate, it took awhile for me to come to grips with all the singing, so I can understand where people may come from but I hope that at least some of the people who turn their backs on this musical might actually like it if they really listened to it.

I do love this musical. I think adding music to the already lyrical text heightens the emotion of the story and can very easily put you into the mindset of each of the characters. The ability of Paul Gordon to work in actual text from the novel into the lyrics is amazing as well (something I come to realize even more as I listen to other Jane Eyre muscials). In terms of condensing the story, all the major scenes are there for the most part, and without too many additions. I love that they even have Rochester as the Gypsy which is rarely done in Janian adaptations. The tone of the whole show is somber- in set design and music, but there are moments of humour- with Mrs. Fairfax most often bringing in the comic relief.

Marla Schaffel is marvelously grounded as Jane- her characterization is balanced between propriety and passion- something that is hard to do in a straight production, but when Jane can sing in privacy, it can all come out. :) James Barbour is commanding as Rochester (and not only because of his voice, which is a glorious baritone). His performance is more layered than many Rochesters I have seen, having a certain finesse or gracefulness while also being gruff and abrupt. The other characters are mostly spot on with the exception of Mrs. Fairfax (played by Mary Stout) who plays her good-natured but a bit doddering. And St. John Rivers is not quite the jerk he is in the novel. Though he still doesn’t love Jane when he asks her to marry him.

1952 Sangdil Madhubala And Dilip Kumar

I have not re-watched this version in a long time, so this review is very brief: An Indian film released in 1952. Whether or not this film is an adaptation of the novel is perhaps debatable. The setting is completely changed to India and there are changes to the story reflecting Indian culture. Yet, the basic story of Jane Eyre is there and many scenes are taken from the novel- notably the Gypsy scene (with Shakur impersonating a male astrologer) In my opinion this is a very enjoyable representation of the novel. Kamal is played with a strong moral sense, shyness and innocence. Shankar is admirably played with much angst and playfulness.

[nureyevv]

Benzaiten lives! AU

Despite being polar opposites of each other, Benten has an absolutely killer Juno impression. He finds this immensely funny and, on a multitude of occasions, has attempted to fool Juno’s closest friends.

Buddy was fooled once and only once, but the first time it happened it took her a good 24 hours to figure out what was happening. She congratulated Ben on the accomplishment, but since then he’s never gotten another prank by her.

Vespa can not tell them apart even when they aren’t trying to trick her. She’s pulled a knife on real Juno four times and accused him of being Ben. It took Buddy assuring her that Ben had been out of town on work for a week for her to believe Juno when he insisted it was really him.

Jet... no one can really tell if he falls for it or not. He treats them with similar mannerisms so even if he did get them mixed up Ben would never know.

Rita seems like she’s been properly fooled but an hour later when Ben tries to leave she says to send Mista Steel over when he gets home. It just keeps happening. Ben is starting to think he’s the one getting pranked.

Unsurprisingly, Peter can identify an act when he sees one, especially when someone is pretending to be his partner. He can appriciate the challenge, however, and will often play along until one of them calls it off.

Juno has scolded Ben about it mutiple times but he just keeps doing it. He’ll show up to meetings only to have Vespa scold him for something he had done the day before (a day he’d spent out with Rita). The stress is adding years to his life. Also, there was one day where Ben was so in character that, when Juno had caught him in the act, he had begun questioning if he was the real Juno. He has yet to live it down.

Each twin has a nasty habit of raiding the other’s cupboards. Ben hasn’t gotten the chance to have a bowl of the cereal bought with his own money in three months. Juno swears he picked up mayo at the store but it’s always gone. Why just the mayonnaise, Benten??? He’s a literal PI and he can’t fucking figure out the motive there

It’s not really his style, but Ben loves painting nails. Luckily, Juno likes to have his nails painted (and for all his sharshooting he cannot seem to get the hang of the right hand). Every Saturday they get together so Juno can rock a new color. Rita and Peter are invited on occasion and the group makes a day of it.

“Hi, I’m Juno But Cool”

Buddy will send Ben and Juno on jobs together under the same alias so while one entertains the crowd witnesses who can attest where they were when the crime takes place the other steals the mark with ease

For the more gracefully challenged memebers of the crew Ben teaches dance lessons when they find themselves preparing for a high class job that will require basic waltzing skills to get by undetected

Peter and Buddy already know most of it but the refresher is beneficial. Jet is a surprisingly quick learner while Vespa threatens to stab someone with every wrong move she makes. Rita participates much longer than necessary for her because she just thinks it’s neat

Juno opts out. Except no one, especially not buddy, is gonna risk the mission on his pride. She insists he learns before he falls on his face and blows their cover

As a result, the team discovers that Juno is... a very good dancer. Not on the same level as Ben of course, but he’s been his brother’s go to partner for long enough to have picked up a few things.

Ben may or may not fix the lessons so Juno and Peter keep ending up partners, but it’s not like they can prove it. What can he say, he’s a fantastic wingman, whether Juno will admit it or not

Ben is the only one of the ship who can match Peter’s level of culinary disaster. They tried to surprise everyone with homemade dinner one day, and, on the bright side, they accomplished the surprise part.

Not a single one of them saw the emergency evacuation coming

And the poor bread pudding definitely didn’t predict its unholy fate...

“MooOoom, Juno stole my eyepatch!”

“Ben what on earth would you need an eyepatch for??”

“We’re space pirates, duh!”

As Buddy has determined herself the mom in this situation she attests that Ben has a point

Juno nearly steals Ben’s eye to see how HE likes it

Ben 100% shares fun childhood Juno facts. Some of them aren’t even true, but it’s too funny to watch Juno convince everyone he didn’t actually wear exclusively clown shoes in the eight grade

It was sixth grade, Ben, and I thought we agreed Not to speak of it

Ben stays impressively up to date with mars pop culture while Juno lives under a rock as much as possible

Juno: what does that even mean??

Ben: oh, you know, just get bees, bro

Peter, confused and afraid: what the fuck is a bee?

Ben makes no attempts to be subtle with Juno. Peter and him being pining idiots? Fine, but he’s gonna call them out on it

It’s just the “boOoOoOnNe??” scene from b99 but in space

Juno and peter: *tension*

Ben: y’all gonna smash already or what?

Ben is a horrible influence on Rita. He’s notorious for getting to go trouble and Rita is very good at making that possible.

On one occasion they decided to hack into the wealthiest bank on Venus. They didn’t even steal anything, it was just to see if they could.

The entire planet went into lockdown for a week

Ben also has all the best Juno insight and is the proudest of everyone to see just how far he’s come. He knows better than anyone how tough the journey has been.

Or at least, these are all the things Juno thinks of late at night, when he imagines what his brother and best friend would have been like if he lived past nineteen. He would have liked it, Juno thought. Juno would have liked to have him there too. The possibilities were endless, really. Ben could have done anything. He had his whole life ahead of him.

[sin-oh]

Company | PEDRO PASCAL X READER

A/N; this is literally nothing but some trash that came to mind after seeing the above gif. It’s rushed, probably full of grammatical errors and my first small fic for a Pedro. I apologise in advance for the following mess.

Warning(s); some curse words but nothing too crazy.

GIF(s); NOT MINE. But by god I wish he was.

The problem with being use to solitude is, well— just that. You’re use to it, you forget what’s it’s like to have a partner in crime, someone to share the minor things in life with.

So it really didn’t bother Pedro all that much when he took his seat in the movie theater, alone. This was a common occurrence for him really, he’d buy his seat in the far corner of the back row, or as close to as he could— and keep his hat on to avoid being recognised. Admittedly he looked a bit.. shifty, but it usually kept the attention away from him and on the movie.

He was surprised when you sat next to him, smiling politely as you both made eye contact for a moment while you took your seat. Pedro cleared his throat and shifted in his seat from his slouched position to a more upright pose, feeling somewhat nervous that a beautiful woman would be sat next to him for the next 140 minutes.

You didn’t seem to notice though and for that he was grateful. He silently noticed the seat on your left was still vacant and assumed you must have been waiting for someone, a boyfriend or girlfriend perhaps? Most likely. But when the lights in the theater started to dim, a clear indication the movie adverts were about to start— it became less and less likely and he wondered just how many people actually came here alone.

The room fell to an almost perfect silence, only a few hushed whispers from people around the room could be heard until suddenly the loud roar of sound through the speakers came splitting the quiet, vibrating the air around them all.

You jumped at the sudden break in silence and Pedro could help but chuckle through his nose, he tried to cover it up by placing his hand to his mouth and rubbing his lips, but the shaking of his shoulders gave it away he had noticed your reaction.

You looked at him on your right and giggle along with him with embarrassed flushed cheeks. You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear and looked down at your lap, the smile still evident on your face.

“Sorry,” He apologised quietly to you with a grin. He watched you shake your head and look back up at him.

“It’s okay,” You assured him, feeling the embarrassment slowly slip away. Pedro liked your smile, internally stating it was the prettiest thing he’d seen in a while and with it came new found confidence to talk to you a bit more.

“Friend running late?” He motioned to the empty seat beside you with a small nod and watched as your smile dropped slightly while you shook your head. “I wish that was the case but she bailed last minute, and I had already bought the ticket so..”

“That’s too bad.” You shrugged at his response, noting the genuine hint of sympathy in his voice.

“It’s OK, not my first time here alone and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

Pedro was stunned at the thought of you not being accompanied here more often but hid it well. “I know the feeling,” He added.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and you were about to speak but an angry Shhh! from an old lady that sat in the seats below you had cut you off. The woman glared at you both over her shoulder which in turn caused Pedro to raise his hand in apology and give his best charming smile.

When the woman had turned back in her seat with a click of her tongue, Pedro looked back over at you while trying to contain his laughter but the moment your eyes met; neither of you could hold it in. You both snickered quietly together, feeling like two kids being scolded by a teacher for paying more attention to each other than the lesson in front.

Now Pedro didn’t care much about the movie about to start on the large screen, he just wanted to keep talking to you, to hear you laugh again. But with movie now starting; he refrained and simply offered you his popcorn with a smile instead. You grin at him in response and take a few, offering him up the bag of your favourite candy you had just opened to share.

And for the next two hours, no words were spoken between the two of you. Pedro would be lying if he said he was completely absorbed into the movie— he was mostly silently cursing at himself for feeling so giddy sat beside you.

But by god you were beautiful, and with a smile so contagious he didn’t even realise he was smiling too until you looked away.

Get a fucking grip Pedro.

But as you continued to share your snacks because somehow you had managed to fit a whole concession stand in your bag and laugh together at the funny moments that occurred in the movie, he felt himself wishing it wouldn’t end any time soon.

Between the hushed whispers, a slight touch of hands as they rested on the arm rest between you both and the silent cheers as the heroes fought their epic battles— man was he hooked on you.

A sniffle caught his attention next and he quickly turned to see you wipe a tear away from your cheek. He frowned and looked back at the screen only to notice the ending of the movie had already began taking place. He’d been so caught up in his own thoughts that he’d probably missed a good chunk of the plot so he didn’t feel too emotionally attached while watching a main character of the movie die heroically.

Your movement from the corner of his eye turned his attention back to you as he watched you wipe away more tears, he chuckled deeply, causing you to nudge his arm with your elbow and feign shock and anger.

“Oh shut up,” You didn’t keep up the façade for long before your giggle broke out, eyes still watery from the scene but a lot less emotionally distraught.

Unfortunately for Pedro; the movie credits had already begin to play and the theater room soon came to life with the lights now turning back on. People began shuffling and standing but he made no rush to move and neither did you, both silently agreeing to wait for the room to clear a bit more before you tried to leave among the sea of people.

Say something you idiot.

“I can’t believe they killed Ironman.”

“Are you trying to start me off again?”

Conversation about the movie continued to flow freely between you both as you stood and made your way through the theater together.

“—but dad body Thor is definitely a new favourite.”

“Is that your type?”

“It is now.” Pedro laughed at your grin as he walks in unison beside you to the doors of the theater, pulling one open for you. You smiled a thank you and walk ahead, waiting outside for him to join you.

“Well, thanks for getting me through that emotional rollercoaster. Don’t think I would have survived alone.” Pedro pushed his hands into the front of his jean pockets and shrugged his response.

“Thanks for the company. Been a while.” You bit your lip and smiled, looking down in a shy manner and Pedro could have sworn he almost lost it there and then. His brain went into overdrive trying to think of something, anything, to keep you there that bit longer.

“I should get going,” His heart sank but he nodded his reply. “Yeah, of course. Take care.” He watched you turn and begin to walk away, all hopes of seeing you again going with you because he was too much of an idiot to ask you—

“Hey!” You walk back to him with rushed steps, a hand buried deep into your bag that hung over your shoulder as you seemed to look for something.

“If you ever want company again— call me?” You hand over the item you had been looking for, your business card. Pedro looked at the small piece of cardboard and immediately read your name and number printed smoothly in black ink. He doesn’t hesitate to reach for it with excitement and almost relief.

“Yeah, I most definitely will.” He said almost breathlessly in a daze. You smile at him one last time and turn around walking away again.

Quickly realising something, Pedro called out to you.

“Don’t you want to know my name?”

“Goodnight Mr Pascal!” You call back with a hand in the air, not looking behind. Pedro laughs to himself and shook his head, enjoying far too much how his name sounded coming from you.

“Of course you know.” He looked down at the card in his hand with soft eyes, already planning what movie to see next.

Only this time, he’ll have company.

@takemepedropascal

[rachelkaser]

Stay Golden Sunday: The Engagement

In my continuing efforts to find time to write about things outside of the bounds of my job, I’ve been thinking about some old friends. If I’m going to write about anything in the wreckage of 2020, I want it to be something very close to me, something I know that others remember with as much fondness as I do.

So yeah: Let’s talk about The Golden Girls.

Thank You For Being a Friend

Given everything that’s happened this year, both to the world and me, I’ve not really been so interested in watching new shows as re-watching some old favorites. And out of those, the closest to my heart is The Golden Girls. It’s the show I watched the most with my late mother -- she and I bonded from my pre-adolescence to my late twenties on this show.

I was at the perfect age to absorb this show’s lessons, even if some of the raunchier humor went over my head when I was a kid. This is the show that taught me about strong friendships, how to love well, tolerance, acceptance, grief, humility, integrity and good humor. There are so many parts of myself I can trace, in some way, to Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche, and Rose -- and through them, my mother.

And I’m far from the only one. According to a report from The New York Times, the show became incredibly popular with 18-to-34 year-olds after it began airing on Lifetime -- the article charmingly refers to us as “The Grandchildren of the Golden Girls.” As you might expect, that’s not the projected demographic for a show starring four women over the age of 50 (yes, Blanche, you really are old enough to have a 16-year-old grandson).

If I had to pick a reason, it’d be a combination of the motherly warmth of the four main characters and the novelty (and reassurance) of a show that tells you life does in fact go on when you’re no longer in the bloom of youth. The NYT article features an interview with a Lifetime exec who theorizes that it’s because the women act in a way we typically associate with youth: “They all dated, they all talked about sex, they didn't care about what people thought about them. Those are all values that younger people share.”

I agree with that sentiment, though I will add an addendum: They act the way younger people want to act. Younger people want to be carefree and fun-loving in the way that the Girls are. More often than not, young people are -- and I say this with all the fondness and self-effacement of someone about to exit their twenties -- comparative basketcases. It’s like Mark Twain said: “Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.”

Of course, there’s an alternate explanation: Golden Girls is really goddamned funny.

So every Sunday, I’ll recap and review an episode from The Golden Girls. Barring extraordinary circumstances, I’ll review every episode in order. Then I’ll give some commentary on the story, highlight any of those devilish inconsistencies, and pick a favorite line. I hope some of my fellow Grandchildren of the Golden Girls enjoy some of my thoughts on the episodes.

Picture it...

With all that being said (and I promise no long intros after this point unless it’s very called for), let’s get started with the pilot episode, “The Engagement,” which originally aired in September 1985.

The show proper opens with Dorothy Zbornak and Rose Nylund asking roommate Blanche Hollingsworth about the man she’s been seeing. Blanche tells them the gallant beau in question, Harry, has proposed -- in spite of the fact that, as Rose points out, they’ve only known each other a week. And Harry wants an answer tonight.

Meanwhile, the doorbell rings, and Dorothy answers to see her mother Sophia Petrillo, who says that her nursing home burned down. As Blanche has to explain to Rose, Sophia’s cutting words are the result of her stroke destroying her inhibitions. Sophia does indeed have the subtlety and diplomacy of a Sherman tank, but she at least thinks gay cook Coco is alright.

Harry arrives and schmoozes all of the ladies, though Sophia is not impressed. After he leaves, Rose has a soliloquy about how glad she was to move in with the other ladies, as otherwise she’d be alone, with her children grown up and her husband dead, and she’s not sure what to do now with herself. Sophia’s suggestion? “Get a poodle.”

Rose and Dorothy are divided on whether or not Blanche will accept Harry’s proposal, with Rose adamant that Blanche can’t be without male attention. Blanche returns, and reveals -- after a brief argument about the movement speed of oysters -- she accepted Harry’s proposal and they’ll be married in a week. When Rose asks where she and Dorothy will live once Blanche, who owns the house, is married, Blanche responds that they can stay for as long as they like.

A week later, Blanche is preparing for her wedding. Rose pulls Dorothy aside and says there’s something about Harry that makes her suspicious, but she’s not sure what. She tries to tell Blanche to call off the wedding, but Dorothy resorts to physical restraint to stop her from ruining Blanche’s happy moment, up to and including throwing Rose into Blanche’s closet.

Harry is late to the wedding, much to the frustration of the minister -- “This is Miami. I’ve got funerals backed up.” When the doorbell rings, however, it’s a police officer (played by a pre-Designing Women Meshach Taylor), who tells Blanche that Harry has been arrested for bigamy. Harry leaves Blanche a note telling her she was special to him.

Three weeks later, Blanche is still upset and refusing to leave her room. Rose and Dorothy discuss what to do, and Sophia’s only input is to ask to be left on the curb next to the trash cans when she goes. Blanche arrives, smiling, and says the girls helped her pull through her grief. The girls all go out to celebrate with dinner, but Sophia declines as she and Coco are going to the dog track.

BLANCHE: Your mother bets?

DOROTHY: No, she rides. She’s a dog jockey.

“It’s Miami in June. Only cats are wearing fur.”

For a pilot, this episode establishes the characters, their biographies, and their dynamics with incredible economy. What you see here is what you’re going to see for the next seven seasons, at least with regards to the four women.

For example, we know the moment she opens her mouth that Dorothy is a teacher -- that teacher, specifically. She’s smart and tough enough to tell her rebellious students to leave. She also complains that “all the single men under 80 are cocaine smugglers,” establishing pretty much all you need to know about the women’s dating lives. We also known from the moment we see Rose that she’s bright, cheerful, and a grief counselor -- she probably couldn’t say a stern or unkind word if her life depended on it.

Blanche, on the other hand, has to bear the first heartbreak of the series -- meaning she’s the first who gets her negative character traits examined as well as her positives. She’s refined, graceful, and sexy on the positive side. Unfortunately, she’s also desperate for romantic affection, so much so that she accepts the proposal of a man she’s only known a week and suffers for it. I don’t think there’s an actress in the world who could have sold this as well as Rue McClanahan did.

That said, I think it’s Sophia that binds the whole episode together. Without her sass, I don’t know if the three women would have held together as well as they do. While the opening moments of the show do have some crackle to them, it’s only when Estelle Getty walks on screen that the show really comes to life. Not only does her sharp tongue pair well with Dorothy’s own witty banter, she’s a great counterpoint to Rose’s bubbleheaded buoyancy and Blanche’s genteel manners.

As is usual for pilots, not everything about this episode stayed for the rest of the show’s run. The biggest example of this is Coco, the gay cook who appears only in this episode, but there are others. For starters, Blanche’s room is in a completely different part of the house, and she’s referred to by the name “Blanche Hollingsworth.” Sophia’s smart mouth is blamed on her stroke, rather than being who she is. The entire house’s furniture, decorations, and color palette would eventually change.

Coco’s a bit of an unusual example, because it feels like even the people who made the show didn’t know what to do with him. He’s given next to nothing to do. He has no stand-out personality traits like the ladies. Even most of the shots are framed in such as way as to exclude him: For example, he’s “on-stage” for the whole kitchen scene at the beginning of the episode, but look how these shots are angled so as not to show him:

That’s bizarre because, according to Golden Girls Forever by Jim Colucci, the “gay houseboy” character was apparently pretty important in the early script treatments. All of the writers apparently wanted to see more gay characters on TV and they thought he would add variety to the cast. But even one of the people who auditioned for the role said he thought the character was cheap and drew attention away from the women. The character was eventually dropped because it didn’t make sense for the women to be living together out of financial necessity and have a live-in domestic.

I didn’t think I was going to see inconsistencies in the very first episode either, but there is at least one: Blanche tells Harry about Sophia’s home burning down, even though Blanche wasn’t in the room when Sophia told Dorothy that. These little continuity errors have become a kind of trivia for Golden Girls fans, as fondly remembered as anything in accepted canon.

Overall, I can see why this script attracted three well-known TV actresses, and why everyone at NBC fell in love with it. I’ll work out a grading system for episodes later, but for now I’ll just say I’m so, so, so pleased for myself and the world in general that they managed to capture this kind of lightning in a bottle.

Favorite part of the episode:

ROSE: I can’t eat anything that moves. DOROTHY: Like what, Rose? Horses? ROSE: Like oysters. COCO: Oysters don’t move. DOROTHY: Coco, they could dance! Who cares?!

[roseskiesandbutterflies]

Killer Queen - Chapter 9: Coming Soon

Summary: Arabella Ruth White is the fifth member of the Marauders. And life at Hogwarts certainly isn’t easy. Especially when you have alcohol, relationships, unhealthy music obsessions, a fake stage persona, weird ass friends with weird ass problems and actual school all thrown into the equation. (This story is also on Wattpad and AO3 of the same name. I will always update on Wattpad first.)

Warning(s): none that I can see

Taglist: @bhmay @briarrose26 @bijoukitty ask to be on my taglist!

Inspired by: A Night At The Opera, various Marauders headcanons I’ve seen on Pinterest, this quarantine business, The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god on AO3, All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89 on AO3

Word count: 4.3k+ (holy shit)

A/N: I beg of you follow Ruth's advice on how to handle a record because some people do it Wrong. Don't be one of those people, please. Somehow, she's 16 now which is weird, but not that weird seen as she is literally a figment of my own imagination. This chapter is over 4000 words long which makes it the longest thing I've ever written.

I’m thinking about changing the point of view again. I’m currently in first but I might change it to third. First is good for funny scenes like in this chapter, but it’s not ideal for the deeper stuff I have planned later. Yes, I have a plot. Shock horror. But we shall wait and see on that one. If I do change it, I won’t edit the previous chapters to fit it because I really can’t be bothered.

Everyone, please stay safe because of what's going on and stay optimistic and occupied. For example, I'll have more time to write! It's a scary time but it will pass, like everything does at some point. OK I've gotten too philosophical. I shall stop now. This chapter is sponsored by me calling Dr Brian Harold May 'Clog Man'. This chapter title comes from Queen's 1980 album, 'The Game'.

“Good morning, peasants!” I declared as I quite literally swept into Transfiguration that morning, a crown perched precariously atop of my head, my robe billowing behind me. My dearest courtiers trailed along in my wake, begrudgingly carrying my belongings. How generous of them, I thought to myself, as if they had had any say in the matter in the first place. My loyal subjects celebrated my entrance and I gracefully sat down in my assigned seat, feet on the table, chair tipped back at precisely the right angle. I didn’t want to fall and get a concussion, now did I? Especially not on that day of all days.

Now you may wonder what on Gaia’s green earth I am on about, you may begin to question my sanity, you may finally start to piece the clues together and realise I am in fact, a total nutter. About time you did, if I’m completely honest with you, darling. However, like most of my shenanigans, the reason for all this was a well-founded one, if I did say so myself. For Twas my birthday, my sixteenth birthday to be precise, and that meant I got to be queen for a day. Not as long as I would like but hey ho, it was better than nothing. I had all the time in the world to take over the world so being queen could wait for now. Even better than this temporary monarchy, becoming sixteen came with plenty of hobbies I could now I enjoy legally, such as having sex, smoking and drinking wine in a restaurant. As if the law had stopped me before. Following the law is for the weak and my mother did not raise me to be anything of the sort.

Now as a queen such as myself, it is my regal responsibility to keep up appearances, which, to put it simply, meant to look pretty damn fabulous at all times. Hence why I was sporting a magnificent golden crown enchanted to stay on my head for the whole day and matching robe-cloak-thing. You know what I’m on about. Personally, I was rather pleased with my attire. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for one Minerva McGonagall.

An exasperated sigh from the front of the classroom was reluctantly followed by, “White, dare I ask why you are not in proper uniform?” she gestured vaguely at my majestic outfit.

“It would certainly be rather daring of you, professor,” I replied, without missing a beat. A classic raised eyebrow went my way, so I let out a sigh of my own before saying, “Tis my sixteenth birthday, dearest Minnie. If I have to attend lessons on such an occasion, then I must be allowed to dress appropriately.”

“And you consider a crown half as big as yourself to be appropriate for school?” her wonderfully Scottish voice quipped back.

“Why of course ma’am, you see it’s what I like to call my thinking cap,” I grinned broadly at her before joining a giggling Sirius who had gone to great lengths to keep it all in.

But nothing in this godforsaken world, and I do not say that lightly, could have prepared me for Minnie’s response: “Then perhaps it will do you some good.” She turned to the blackboard behind her to begin the lesson I had partly succeeded in delaying.

I, on the other hand, wasn’t doing so well. I clutched at my chest as if I’d been shot, and believe me it felt like I had been, and dramatically fell into the arms of James, as he was the unfortunate soul who sat next to me. I weakly reached up to touch his face as they do in the muggle movies, made a mental note to remind him to fucking shave and heaved out, “Jamie, I won’t last much longer but there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What, my darling? What is it?” he asked, faithfully going along with my foolish antics as always, the poor sod.

“I…love…” I whispered before going limp in his arms as if I was dead.

“Ruth, my love, no!” he hugged my ‘corpse’ while sobbing rather profoundly.

Sirius leapt to his feet (I had to open my eyes slightly for this bit) and declared, “What do you mean ‘my love’? Ruth has been the love of my life since I first laid eyes on her!”

“You foul fiend! Ruth was the second reason for my very existence after Evans, thank you very much!” James too jumped up, leaving me to flop onto the stone floor with an ungraceful ‘ugh’. I could sense Lily’s annoyance from the other side of the classroom.

James and Sirius both grabbed their wands, pointed them at one another, but instead of cursing each other, they used them like fencing swords. Just before Sirius could ‘stab’ James, I myself jumped up and cried, “Wait!” at the same time Minnie yelled, “Enough!”

Naturally, we took no notice of this.

Both boys turned to look at me, only for me to say, “I don’t love either of you. I love Remus!” I pointed at the boy in question who in turn smirked his classic smirk.

He opened his mouth to speak only to be interrupted by an infuriated Minnie, “I said enough! Sit down, all three of you or it’s detention for a week!” Now I was pretty sure she was only letting us off because she was well aware that if I was given detention on my birthday, I would certainly not go. I’d like to think it was because she loved us dearly, but my mother didn’t raise me to be a liar either. Considering the circumstances, a.k.a. my huge fucking party I had planned for later on, I did what I almost never did.

I sat down.

Not without a snarky “ooooooooh” of course.

Naturally, Minnie wasn’t all that impressed with my reply, “Evans, swap seats with White, please.”

Naturally, I wasn’t all that impressed with her reply either, “Professor, are you seriously going to move me on my birthday?”

“That is correct.”

“Miss, that’s not fair, I haven’t even done anything that bad, we’re all in one piece, aren’t we? Besides, why is it only me that’s getting moved, what’s up with that?”

“You’re not the only one I’m moving, I’m also moving Evans, am I not?” she snapped, not at all pleased with my outburst, “Now please move seats, you are disrupting my lesson.”

I pouted like a little child on the naughty step, grabbed my stuff together and plonked myself where Lily had been sitting, next to a girl who had only started in September, from Greece or Italy or somewhere. I suddenly realised Lily was now sitting next to James, so I felt the need to apologise, “Sorry, Lily!”, I said in a similar manner to a kid who was forced to say sorry to their sibling after hitting them. She just shot me a reproachful look which had me fearing for my life for a second, before turning to the lesson that could finally begin.

Obviously, I wasn’t exactly keen to take part in the lesson, so I opted for attempting to get to know my new desk partner, “You’re the new girl, right?”

I was met with a blank stare and confusion from both parties until something clicked for me: if she had just moved here from another country then she probably didn’t speak much English.

Well shit.

I tried again, simplifying my language but hopefully not sounding too patronising, “Are you new?”

The poor girl still strongly resembled a deer in headlights but nodded, “Yes?”

“What’s your name, darling?” I was determined to get to know this girl, she seemed nice enough and, knowing from experience what it felt like to be the new kid, I felt a strange urge to help her.

She cocked her head to the side in confusion, now looking like an owl of some sort. It was at this point where I gave up and just waved her off, “Don’t worry.” If Minnie was as adamant about me staying in this seat as I suspected, I’d have plenty of time later to try and talk to this girl. Maybe when she knew a bit more English. Or maybe I could teach her some? Well saying that I’m not sure how good of a teacher I would actually be. I’d probably be more of a nuisance than a help.

The rest of the school day carried on in a similar fashion, with the usual jokes played out in a more dramatic manner than usual. Fine by me. The end of lessons couldn’t come soon enough but at last, they were over. Meaning I could finally, finally, open my damn presents.

Well, I say presents, but me being the impatient bastard that I am, I actually opened most of them that morning at breakfast. Which involved about a year’s supply of chocolate, a 10-pack of condoms and no less than three boxes of tea from various posh shops in London. And a hell of a lot of magical alcohol, which was far better than the muggle stuff, but we don’t talk about that. There was only one present left and that was the one from the woman who birthed me. I realise that I have led you under false pretences of sentiment towards my dear mother, and while I do in fact over her greatly, this is not the case. It was actually because our family owl, Bob (don’t ask me why he’s called fucking Bob, Rhea named him), is quite possibly slower than a bloody snail and took the whole day to fly from Cromer to Scotland.

I ran up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory, which is saying something considering I don’t run for anything, and there it was, laying on what was basically my bed when Kingsley wasn’t around, wrapped in shining gold paper, my birthday present. Instantly I got a huge sense of déjà vu, as I knew exactly what it was.

A vinyl record.

Because what else do I do with my spare time these days?

I carefully picked it up, observing it in the stream of November sunlight coming from the window. Judging from the size and weight of it, it was definitely an album, my excitement increasing tenfold. I opened it as carefully as possible to discover that it was indeed Queen’s new album. Their iconic crest was printed on the front in a loud colour scheme of orange and pink. The title was written in black cursive: ‘A Night At The Opera’. The whole thing, though relatively simple in its design, screamed regalness.

I was so mesmerised by it that I didn’t even see the envelope on the bed until I very nearly sat on it. My mum’s familiar handwriting addressed me on the front of it and inside was a card with the most gorgeous watercolour print of the Cromer Pier which had me missing it terribly. I opened it to read what she had written and I couldn’t wipe the grin off of my face.

To Ruth,

Happy birthday, darling! It’s hard to believe you’re 16 now, I still see you as my gorgeous baby girl! I know I can’t see you on your special day, but half term is less than a month away – you’ll be home before we know it!

I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done, and we all love you very much. Have a wonderful day with your friends!

Lots of love,

Mum, Rhea and Luke xxx

P.S. Don’t tell Mum but I got you a sort of magical cactus from Diagon Alley but I’ll give it to you when you come back – Rhea

P.P.S What Rhea forgot to tell you is that the cactus was my idea, I just didn’t have any pocket money left after going to the sweet shop - Luke

I smiled at the message and at my siblings’ additions at the bottom and found myself missing them more than I anticipated. I put on my bedside table, next to the magical photo us the boys and me which never failed to make me laugh. It was of us knee-deep in the Great Lake, around the July of our third year. James had his back to the camera but still showed his face and his lopsided grin; he was carrying Sirius over his shoulder like a fireman, the latter of which was showing his middle finger to the camera as best he could. Peter was mid-fall in front of them, just seconds before face-planting the water. Remus was to the right of them, trying his best to avoid getting wet from Peter’s inevitable splash, his face all screwed up in an attempt to protect his eyes. I was trying to hoist myself up onto Remus’s shoulders, which wouldn’t have been so difficult if he wasn’t so fucking tall, even at 14 he was a giant. The photo was magical, so we were all moving around as we had been at the time. I was lucky enough to have caught the exact moment I pulled my wand out and cast the aguamenti charm, aiming at everyone’s head but more importantly, James and Sirius’s hair. The photo was an endless cycle of me jumping up, casting the spell and being chased around by everyone before going back to our original positions.

I reluctantly turned away from the treasured photo, picked up the album and turned to run to the Room Of Requirement so I could listen to the artistry I held in my undeserving hands. Somehow, my close good friends beat me to it; there they stood in the doorway, carrying my dear record player between them with wide grins on their faces, not altogether dissimilar from the one James sported in the photograph.

I wondered for a second how the vinyl got itself onto my bed, and how the boys knew they had to get my record player, but then I realised my mother must have told them in advance. She may have been a Hufflepuff, but I do sometimes think she would have made a fine Slytherin. Surprise kids, I don’t have a prejudice against the entirety of Slytherin house, just the ones who are, quite frankly, dickheads. Not my fault if that’s the majority of them.

They popped my dear baby on the floor and sat down various surfaces: the floor, their beds, Remus’s lap (*cough cough* Sirius *cough cough*). I ever-so-carefully removed the vinyl from its sleeve and placed it onto the turntable, only touching the outermost edges so as to not get grease into the grooves of the record. Now, I can’t be ruining it already.

“I hope you know we love you enough to carry that thing all the way here,” Sirius whined, mopping non-existent sweat from his forehead using’s Remus’s poor jumper. The audacity he had to refer to my precious record player as ‘that thing’. I didn’t hit him, which is very unlike me, but I refused to sink to his level. Twat.

“Thank you darling but I think, in the midst of wanting to show off your varying levels of strength, you all forgot you could simply levitate my baby here,” I flopped onto Remus’s bed (by far the cleanest one) as Peter repeatedly smacked James with a pillow, “What did I say, James? What did I fucking say?”

Poor James just groaned at him to stop, arms up in a quite frankly pathetic bid to protect himself. He looked at me helplessly, but I just shook my head with a cheeky smirk on my face, “Nope, you got yourself into this mess, I’m not getting involved.”

Sirius, on the other hand, was laughing so much that Remus had to move him from lying against his chest to having his head in his lap to prevent him from hurting himself. I was half-convinced that Sirius was in fact having a heart attack but at this point, I was not nearly drunk enough to put up with his bullshit. Oh yeah, forgot to mention we each took a shot after breakfast seen as it’s my birthday, only increasing our chances of getting alcohol poisoning within the next weekend or so. But let’s be honest, I’m only using my birthday as an excuse to drink more alcohol at eight o’clock in the morning.

A few more smacks and one case of concussion later, we had all calmed down enough for me to play my goddamn record. Suspense hung in the air as the tiny crackles of an unused record sounded, followed by a crescendo of lightning-fast piano. Definitely not what I expected from a song entitled ‘Death On Two Legs (Dedicated To…)’, until Brian’s slightly menacing guitar burst through the speakers. The rest of the carried on in a similar fashion, fancy piano and angry guitar combined with lyrics I could only describe as savage. I made a mental note to look at the enclosed lyrics later on to see what exactly Freddie was singing, as even for my standards it was rather mean. I also couldn’t help but wonder who this was dedicated to and what they had done for Freddie to sing about them in such a manner. Must be quite the dickhead. Maybe someone like Snivellus. You can’t get much worse than Snivellus.

The next song was called ‘Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon’ and I couldn’t help but giggle throughout it. It felt very vintage, the singing was distorted somewhat, but it seemed more as if they were taking the mick out of the genre. It was a little thing, hardly a couple of minutes long, and soon transitioned to ‘I’m In Love With My Car’, which I distinctly remembered from the B-side of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. That song will never fail to make me laugh. How a man can be so attached to his car, I’ll never know.

Those comedic masterpieces were followed by ‘You’re My Best Friend’, which I fell in love with within the first five seconds. The adorable little piano, the adorable little lyrics, the adorable little bass, okay I could go on like this for hours, but the point is that I loved this song and would gladly be its friend, were it a person. Yeah, I may have been a tad tipsy, might have had something to do with the shots we took between lessons on top of the one at breakfast. I had wanted to maintain a state of slight tipsiness throughout the day. Moving swiftly on.

‘39’ was next, and it was safe to say that I wasn’t expecting any of it. At first, the guitar made me chuckle, then the realisation that it was just vocals, guitar and fucking tambourine, and then the fact that it was almost certainly a county song about space. Brian was singing, of course it was Brian, and I seemed to have forgotten how talented a singer he actually is. And a songwriter because let’s be real, there is no way in hell that anyone in the band apart from Clog Man wrote this.

‘Sweet Lady’ came after that, which contrasted ‘39’ so much that it basically gave me whiplash. To be honest, I should have seen that coming seeing as that was how Queen seemed to work, a heavy rock song followed by something completely different and so on and so on. You’d think you’d grow tired of constantly changing styles but somehow Queen pulled it off magnificently, as they did with pretty much anything they set their minds to. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, don’t get me wrong it was a cool song, just not quite my cup of tea. I felt a little bit guilty about not liking it, but I forced myself to remember that I didn’t have to like every song on the album in order to be a fan.

‘Seaside Rendezvous’ was the next song and the last one on side A. I found it very quirky and much more to my liking. I could easily imagine myself going for a stroll down the beach back at home while humming this. And potentially dancing to it down the pier. Although I would look quite the crackhead as no one else would be able to hear it; but since when did I care about looking like a twat? I was already friends with plenty of twats, I stopped caring years ago. Somewhere in the middle of the song, there was a part that sounded like an orchestra of some kind, but I could tell Roger had something to do with the woodwind section, which led to some rather interesting images in my mind. Make of that what you will. The tap-dancing part made me laugh because I highly doubted that any of them could actually tap dance, leading to me wondering how to the fuck they did that. My brain also thought it was necessary to conjure up some cursed images of Brian tap-dancing in his clogs. Fucking hell, what was wrong with me?

As quickly and carefully as I could, I flipped the record onto the B-side, which started off with ‘The Prophet’s Song’. I was so naïve to think that ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ was long; this bad boy was all of eight minutes and basically a musical on its own, worthy of the likes of the West End or Broadway. The absolute artistry of the lyrics and the music quickly made it one of my favourites so far, which was saying something as I loved the whole damn album anyway. There was a good couple of minutes of straight acapella, mainly just countless overdubs of Freddie singing ‘no I know’ at various different pitches; then Roger and Brian joining in for a chorus of ‘la la la la la’. It was strangely creepy, and I had yet to figure out if that was their intention.

That then flowed almost seamlessly into ‘Love Of My Life’, a melancholic ballad that was as beautiful as it was sad. It didn’t take me long to work out that it was a harp rather than an acoustic guitar, I grinned at the mental images of Brian learning the harp for the sake of this one song. Surely if he’d known how to play it all along, he would have shown off his musical prowess much earlier.

Naturally, the next song flipped this whole vibe that had just been created on its head. ‘Good Company’ was its name and it involved a whole band created solely by Brian’s guitar. It seemed funny to me, but I didn’t know why. A bit like with ‘Sweet Lady’, I wasn’t all too sure if I like it or not. I did notice Brian singing again; it was nice to hear his voice on the record more, not to diss Freddie or Roger in any way, shape or form. Now I wanted to hear John sing and we would be good to go.

The last proper song on the album was, of course, the absolute masterpiece (or as Sirius liked to call it, ‘an utter fucking bop’) that was ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. Considering the sheer amount of times we’ve listened to the record since it came out, it wasn’t all that surprising that we knew all the words off by heart. This was including playing all five minutes and fifty-five seconds of it while James was in the shower, so he didn’t spend hours in there and use up all the hot water. The rule was that he had to be out by the time the song had ended, or we would send Lily the picture we had of him with his hair all wet. And he would die before he consented to such a thing. Trust me, it’s not a particularly flattering look on him. I had to remind them to resist the urge to jump around when the rock bit came on, you know what I’m on about, so as to not damage the vinyl already.

The last track was a guitar rendition of ‘God Save The Queen’, which was outrageous as it was excessive. Just layers upon layers of guitar, I would forever be impressed by Brian’s skills. Sirius, however, was still moaning over his restricted movement.

“But why can’t we jump? It’s so much more fun that headbanging alone,” Sirius whined like the petulant child that he was. I had to give him at least some credit, he may have an impressive amount of muggle knowledge, but he was still a pureblood and a Black at that. He could be so naïve sometimes.

“Darling you have to understand that it’s a sensitive little thing. If you jump, so will the vinyl, which will scratch it and it will jump at awkward times,” I explained, to which I was met with blank stares as if I was speaking in bloody Welsh. I sighed, perhaps a little more dramatically than necessary but if that doesn’t some up my whole life then I don’t know what does, and tried again, “Like with my Sheer Heart Attack record? Where it jumps during Brighton Rock and Killer Queen?”

“Ohhhh,” understanding washed over his and James’s faces because let’s be honest, if you think Sirius is oblivious then clearly, you’ve never met James.

“Yes, ohhhh,” I repeated, taking the mick out of the stupid buggers. Hey, it’s my birthday, I’m allowed to do whatever I want.

Which reminded me of the party I had planned for later. Well, I say party, it was going to be more of a ball than anything. A birthday ball, if you will. What can I say, I have a flair for the dramatics, sue me.

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Someone Like You

Chapter One

July 2006 The makeshift curtain at the community center lifts to a collective awe from the audience of parents and siblings. Two little girls, age seven, are dressed as fairies and sing a song while they shake their wands at the people watching. Ellen and Brian smile and giggle at each other because the girls are so cute. Jaime crosses his arms and looks at his feet, waiting for it to be over.

September 2008 Ellen pressed lunch bags into the girl’s hands and kissed them on the top of their heads. “First day of third grade, how exciting girls! Oh, Claire honey, you have to give this form to your teacher.” Ellen unzipped the backpack and stuck the letter inside. She watched the girls walk to the bus stop talking animatedly and sighed at how fast they were growing up.

November 2008 My dearest Ellen I hope this letter finds you very well indeed. This is short notice, I realize that, but I have taken an assignment in Peru which will keep me away for at least two years. Now that Claire is nine years old I think she is sturdy enough to live with me. If you agree, I will be taking her from your charge right after Hogmanay. Please share your thoughts with me, honest and direct, as you always are. I am so deeply in your debt for providing stability and a home for that tiny girl. I do not wish to impose any further. I anxiously await your response.

January 2009 Two young girls clung to each other at the Edinburgh airport while Lamb and Ellen tried to pull them apart. Lamb was quite upset and shaken by the incident and wondered if he would be a suitable guardian for this little girl. Ellen pulled the girls away and spoke to them about manners and behaving in public. She kissed Claire’s cheeks and encouraged her to go to Lamb.

December 2011 Lamb and his charge walked through the crowded airport looking for baggage. Claire was searching for Jenny in the crowd of people waiting for arrivals. She felt someone yank on her pigtails and turned around to Jaime Fraser laughing. “C’mon dork, they’re over there.” Lamb was at baggage sweating profusely and pulling the only two bags they had between them. He desperately needed whisky and a nap.

December 2012 “I am so grateful to Lamb for sending me back to Scotland for the holidays but I am quite unprepared for the freezing temperatures. I was keeping Jenny awake with my shivering so I grabbed the blanket off the couch and sat on the staircase trying to get warm. I didn’t want to complain. I was so happy to be here, so I shivered in silence. Jaime got up and walked down to the kitchen bringing a plate of food back to his room. He grabbed my arm and pulled me along. I stood in his dark room shivering and not knowing why I was here.

“Get in bed lass.” He handed me a cookie and lit the fire in his room. Then he pulled the blankets up and turned his back on me to sleep. The fire warmed the room and I watched the flames dance me to sleep. I slipped out of Jaime’s room before dawn and went back to Jenny’s bed.

“On the eve of my departure back to Lamb I sat on the stairs trying to avoid waking Jenny. I was freezing of course, and I couldn’t stop crying. I was making myself a nuisance. I hunkered down in the blanket and sniffled until I heard a door open. Jaime walked past me on his midnight raid for food and grabbed my arm again on his way back. This time he gave me a piece of cake, lit the fire, and tucked me in before turning his back. Again, although so grateful, I slipped out of his room before dawn.

December 2014 The house feels warmer this year and I haven’t shivered in my sleep for the past two weeks. Lamb is so kind to send me back year after year. If I didn’t have Lallybroch to look forward to all year I would go insane probably. My skin is itchy from the hayride we went of today. I don’t mind. Jaime sat next to me the whole time so it’s worth it.

December 2016 Uncle Lamb is finally preparing to release his research on the Inca invasion and cultural effect on the indigenous tribes of Peru. He was upbeat and full of energy for the past several months as many archeologists came to our camp to weigh in on his findings. I continued to do my lessons, assist at the dig, and mostly look forward to leaving. I was sure the days grew longer, tortuously so, as the day of our departure neared. This was my last pack out from Peru. Uncle Lamb would deplane in London to arrange our living quarters while I went on to Scotland. I would finally go to a public school in England never to see Machu Picchu again. I was deliriously happy.

It took a day to reach an airport and it was always a crapshoot whether or not the plane would actually show up, or leave as scheduled. I ran to the ladies room and the first large mirror I had seen in a year. How disappointing. I fancied myself prettier now, strikingly beautiful in fact. My reflection mocked me. Where were my long slim limbs, exotic hair, perfect face? I must have stared at my face for an hour when Lamb came crashing into the bathroom making my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I guess the plane showed up and decided to fly us to civilization. I got in line and called Jenny.

As the plane filled slowly I stood in front of the mirror in the lavatory studying my face, my dirty skin and nails, and my torn clothes. Someone pounded on the door until I came out so I sat next to Lamb and waited for my last exit from Peru. Lamb’s face was the color of his field jacket, beige, and he was mopping his sweating face with a towel. He told me to go to sleep and he would see me in the morning. I curled up in my seat and watched him as long as I could before I fell asleep. I had dreams of Lallybroch and running through the fields with Jenny while Jaime sat on the grass with arms crossed looking down. Rupert stood in front of me and pointed at someone behind me. I jerked my head up and saw the worried face of the stewardess, right before big hands hauled me out of my seat and pushed me to the front of the plane. I was snapped into a seat and flight attendants stood next to me the rest of the way to London. People practically ran off the plane and the captain asked who was waiting for me in Scotland. He took my phone and left.

I didn’t see Uncle Lamb get off the plane and I tried to tell the captain he was supposed to get off in London. They weren’t paying attention and I was getting quite upset. The captain pulled me into the cockpit and handed me a phone. I heard Jenny’s da tell me Uncle Lamb had died during the night and I was to continue to Scotland. They would be waiting for me. I looked up at the captain and saw his compassion. The flight attendants stayed beside me and then handed me to the Frasers. I never saw Lamb’s body and for years I would dream he was alive living in the jungle and would call me up one day and say surprise!

When I finally got back to Lallybroch I wasn’t excited anymore, I just felt numb. Sleep would not come for me that first night. I sat on the staircase and huddled against the cold. Jaime got up and raided the refrigerator really late. He mumbled to me as he brought his food to bed and closed his door. The next night the scene was repeated but I was shivering with the chill in the house. When Jaime passed me going back to his room he grabbed my arm and pulled me along.

I stood in his dark room shivering. “Get in bed lass.” He offered me some food and lit the fire in his room. He covered me with the quilt and turned his back to me. I felt every move he made that night. I listened to his rhythmic breathing until the sun came up signaling it was time to leave. I slipped out of his room and curled up in Jenny’s bed.

All of my friends were at the Fraser’s house over the next two weeks and they helped me overlook the dread I was feeling. Namely, what would happen to me now? Where was I supposed to go? Jaime was always with his best friend Ian, Rupert and Angus were there as well. They either stayed in Jaime’s room or dragged him away for the day. The only time I spent any time in the same room with Jaime was Hogmanay and he didn’t speak with me.

The party was fun but my anxiety had become almost unmanageable. Jenny was starting school again in a few days and her parents had said nothing to me about staying with them or enrolling in school. Finally, the day after Hogmanay, Jenny’s parents asked us to come downstairs and talk to them. I waited with my fingers crossed. Ellen Fraser smiled at me and told me what was to happen now.

“What was left of your parent’s estate was invested and protected by your Uncle for all of these years sweetheart. He has stipulated in his will the money is to keep you at a boarding school in Switzerland until you graduate with provisions for food and clothing. On the day of your graduation the remaining assets, and the property in Boston will be transferred to you to use as you wish.”

I was stunned. Switzerland? What did I know about Switzerland, except it was cold? I just stared at Ellen Fraser and said nothing. She seemed so happy that Lamb had planned this so carefully and I would be taken care of. I should be happy too but the tears I felt coming could not be held back. I asked to be excused and ran to Jenny’s room where we tried to piece together what life in a boarding school would be like.

“It willna be so bad, dinna fash yerself, Claire! You’ll meet girls yer age, fancy lasses. You’ll learn to be fancy like them!” She giggled so hard it hit my funny bone and I giggled with her. There was a knock on the door and Jenny opened it to Rupert smiling like an idiot. “What?”

Rupert looked past Jenny and asked, “what er ye lasses laughin about, what’s so funny here?” A large hand came down on Ruper’s shoulder and pulled him away with force. He could be heard protesting the interruption of his courtship.

Jenny closed the door and laughed until she bent over holding her stomach. “Ye could always stay in Scotland and marry Rupert!”

I stared at the door wondering why Jaime wanted to drag Rupert away?

The next two days were filled with shopping at the most extravagant level I had ever been a part of. Ellen took Jenny and me to all the shops armed with a list of necessities the school provided. The list had details right down to how many pajamas, stockings, underwear, outside clothes, party dresses, ball gowns, shoes of every variety, riding wear and boots, loungewear, robes, and coats. It was fun at first and exhausting by the second day. Suitcases were purchased, a day bag for books because backpacks were forbidden. When the list was complete we piled into the car hoping never to shop again so when Ellen pulled into a technology store Jenny and I looked at her confused. An hour later I scrambled into the back seat holding the greatest treasure of my entire life. A laptop computer loaded with all the mandatory software for office skills, drafting, graphic design, illustration, and the best of all, internet browsers. I held it like the treasure it was and couldn’t wait to play around with it.

The following weekend I stood with Jenny at the Edinburgh airport wearing one of my new dresses, shoes, and coat. I shook from head to toe.

“Yer shakin so hard my own teeth are rattlin. Dinna fash, yer goin on an adventure!” Jenny looked at me with such compassion. I didn’t cry nor could I speak from fear of what was next. Both of Jenny’s parents tried to reassure me and I couldn’t speak to them either. I knew when I let go of Jenny’s hand I would be alone with strangers waiting for me in Switzerland and a school full of fancy girls that would hate me. If not for the people in line behind me waiting to board I don’t think I could have convinced my feet to move forward. My mind tortured me with every conceivable terror awaiting me until I felt myself let go. We were landing in Switzerland, my fate was sealed, now I had to live it, and that was that.

[an-emo-on-emo-site]

time for a dumb critique of stranger things written by a dumb emo 13 year old

aight so since im a massive film/tv nerd lets talk about stranger things 

YOUNG BOY STRANGER THINGS

so basically the first season is nearly perfect imo. the cinematography is phenomenal and every. single. shot. serves the mood of the scene really well. the show has excellent writing that makes teens feel like actual people which a lot of other teen shows fail at, and it can be really funny without actually sacrificing the mood of the show as a whole or detracting from the severity of the situation. it can also be genuinely scary (the first watch through) without relying too much on gore to induce a cheaper “shock scare”. It maintains tension expertly throughout the whole show until the resolution and the ending cliffhanger is a perfect end. There really isnt much more i can say, the entire season is just chef’s kiss

DEMOGORGON 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

while season 2 is still decent and succeeds in some of the aforementioned manners (cinematography and humour), there are quite a few g l a r i n g flaws in the show which kinda take it down quite a few pegs for me. Season one was almost a mystery show disguised as horror, and therefore was a lot more engaging because you wanted to solve the mystery just as much as the characters did. While you were still invested in the show and liked the characters, most of the enjoyment (for me at least) came from trying to figure out what happened to will. While Season 2 does have some of this carry over with the Mind Flayer infection, the mystery never really progresses, they just figure something out in the last hour of the show. Season 2 relies a lot more on the characters to carry the show and keep the audience engaged. While this does work a lot of the time, especially with the dynamics between Dustin and Steve (we stan), a lot of the enjoyment from the show was taken away (for me) when the mystery aspect was toned down. Additionally, there wasn't really any particularly scary threat for the majority of the season. In Season 1 we are aware of the existence of the Demogorgon throughout the show and we are consistently shown that it is a severe threat to the protagonists, but in Season 2 we only really have a threat at the very end (last two episodes), and even those are literally just tiny demogorgons. While they obviously can still be harmful, they’re much tamer considering how hyped up big boy demogorgon was in the first season. 

While the characters are a big reason why stranger things is such a well loved show, Season 2 kinda screwed a lot of them up. Joyce is still the distressed mother (while she has reason to be, she literally doesn't change at a l l after the first season), Mike is kinda just an edgier version of who he was last season, Will doesn't have any character at all (the mind flayer does take him over but thats a slow process in the beginning, he should be more prominent but he isn't and we therefore never get to connect with him like we did with the other characters in the first season), and Eleven...

well Eleven is a child. she has every reason to be disappointed or angry that she cant see mike but she behaves like a toddler. she   - throws tantrums  - breaks windows when she doesn't get what she wants

and yells “i hate you!” at her parental guardian who is just trying to keep her safe from murderous government officials. While her motivations are there and are valid, her behavior is extremely immature, and she definitely devolves after the first season.

whoo that was long. i still like the season but the characters don't really evolve or develop at all after the first season which kinda sucks considering the first season was so good and characters did develop during it, but for some reason they just abruptly stopped. Fortunately, the writing is still decent and the cinematography is still great so its still an enjoyable watch.

SEASON 3: COMMUNISM IS THE REAL ENEMY

okay.

this is probably the worst season of the show (worst for stranger things is still pretty good though), but i still enjoyed watching it more than i enjoyed watching any other part of the show because i was laughing the entire time.

The writing in this season is either amazing or terrible. There are some parts to this show where they’re trying to write a joke but it fails so hard i start laughing. The best example I can think of this is the scene where Billy is trying to convince Mrs. Wheeler to get private lessons from him. He launches into a monologue of how he could “teach her” and starts listing strokes like the sensual man he is 

“freestyle..

breaststroke” *proceeds to eye mrs. wheeler from head to toe*

and the joke made me cringe so hard i fell out of my chair laughing. This is just the example i thought of off the top of my head, but so many scenes have similar writing that makes me cringe hard.

BUT

the actor’s performances in this season are phenomenal. Every actor sells their lines so hard that I enjoy every. single. second of the show even when the writing is dumb. the only times when the writing is actually bothersome is in the serious scenes (like the infamous “new coke” scene which made me shake my head so fast my glasses flew off my head). Apart from those few instances, however, almost every second of the show is enjoyable. This season also fixes the problem with the second season and actually ups the ante this time with the mind flayer which is absolutely, positively, terrifying. The damn thing is literally made out of the melted corpses of the people it infected. This brings another problem into the show, however, which is

too

much

gore.

I should probably start out by saying that in general i don't really like over the top gore in media. A few months ago i tried to watch Kill Bill and got freaked out by the first scene. Regardless of my wimpiness, however, I think that the show begins to rely too much on gore to be scary. Some scenes have people feeling around in a cut open leg, some scenes have people literally melting into chunks of blood and flesh, some have scenes of a guy getting his head shoved into a fan and having his face ripped open. The show tries to put all this off as “horror” but in reality its just something that grosses me out a bit but then i move on. Some scenes have actual scary moments, (especially with the mind flayer in billy’s form), but a lot of the horror in the third season relies on either gore or jumpscares which are still really enjoyable to watch but aren't really scary as they’re intended to be.

I still loved watching season three, but i feel like it shouldn't be gone into as a horror show as the first two could have been. The first few episodes are like a corny teen dramedy with some scary elements, and the last few are literally just slasher 80s camp the whole way through and i'm living for it

anyway this was long winded and dumb. stranger things is a great show watch it just don't expect anything to top the first season

hell yeah abuse tumblr algorithm with hashtags

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Taking Back Neverland--Chapter 4 of 10

Pairing:  Captain Swan

Rating:  G or a soft T

Summary: AU. After actress Emma Swan’s lead role in a popular TV show is at an end, she is offered the leading role in the Regina Mills film, Taking Back Neverland, a fresh retelling of the Peter Pan story.  It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.  Only problem?  She’ll be starring opposite Killian Jones, who she positively can’t stand.  (Originally part of my Fluffy Fridays collection.)

Previous chapters: (1) (2) (3)

Notes:  So this is an old story, originally written about 3 years ago as part of my Fluffy Fridays collection, but @kmomof4 made the amazing above pic-set for it as a birthday gift, (Thanks Krystal!  It’s perfect!), and I decided it was time for a reissue.   Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Alright everyone! Break’s over!”  Leroy growled, stopping into the break room with a scowl.  “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Killian groaned. It had been a long day; these hours were killer.  Taking a last gulp of his water, he got to his feet and offered his costar his hand.  “Guess we’d best go, Swan.”

She closed her eyes tightly, burrowing farther into the couch she’d claimed as her own when they’d started in on their break. It amused (and kind of impressed) him, her ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

“Don’t want to. Comfortable,” She groused.

He laughed and tapped her on the shoulder. “Are you really willing to risk Leroy and Regina’s wrath, love?”

She cracked an eye and then sighed. “Guess not.”

Emma took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. He smiled as they walked the few steps back to the set.  To tell the truth, he found this woman fascinating.  Certainly they hadn’t started on the best footing.  She’d fairly run from him that day of the chemistry test.  But despite the rocky start, he believed things were going well now.

Well, as well as he could expect.

The lass had walls as thick as he’d ever seen. It was clear that someone had hurt her; badly.  Killian felt the anger burn at the thought, wishing he could confront the cad who’d wounded this wonderful woman so deeply.  What manner of man could treat another person in such a way that she no longer believed in the possibility of love?

Killian sighed. He supposed it was truly none of his business who had hurt her.  What he hoped would one day be his business was how to help her heal.  If only the lovely Miss Swan would let him.

One of the make-up artists snagged him on his way back to set, insisting she desperately needed to reapply guyliner. As the woman worked over him—and a second appeared to artfully muss his hair, Killian focused on the scene ahead.

Anna had woken to the sound of crying during her their first night on Neverland. Going to investigate, she’d come across none other than Peter Pan himself who’d given her a blank map.  He’d assured her that the map would appear as soon as she acknowledged who she really was.  After several fruitless attempts, she finally succeeded, and the rescue mission finally had something to work with.  Such was the backdrop to Hook and Anna’s first big one-on-one scene of the day.

As the women worked over him, Killian reread the script, closed his eyes and went through his standard “get into character” routine. It was shockingly easy with this role.  There was something about Captain Hook that reminded him deeply of himself—and despite what he’d said to his mate before the chemistry test, in moments of true honesty he couldn’t deny it.

Acting as though he were falling in love with Emma Swan was…barely acting at all.

“Looks like you’re devilishly handsome again, Captain,” the make-up artist said, with a playful tap to his cheek.

Killian smiled winningly up at her as he got to his feet and prepared to head to set. “Thanks, love.”

Emma was waiting when he reached the set, which replicated a dark, sweltering jungle. She paced back and forth, bounced on the balls of her feet, muttered to herself, stopping every once in a while to consult her script.

Killian leaned up against an artificial palm tree, his arms crossed, an amused smile on his face, and unabashedly watched her. After a moment, she noticed his perusal, and a lovely pink shaded her cheeks.

“What?” she asked defensively. “Never seen an actress get into character before?”

His grin widened. “Never one so lovely as you,” he said smoothly.

Emma rolled her eyes. “Do those lines ever really work on anyone?”

“I assure you, Swan,” he said, pushing off of the tree and ambling over to her, “I’m not in the business of using lines.  I assure you, my comment was quite genuine.”

 “Yeah, well…” she said, uncomfortably.  “I guess we better get to it then.”

“As you wish,” Killian said, taking his place at Emma’s side, both of them looking down at the map as they each held a corner.

“Quiet on the set!” Regina shouted regally. She waited for her command to be obeyed, and then turned back toward Killian and Emma.  “Alright, annnd…action!”

Hook handed the map back to Anna, and she folded it up. “Excellent show of patience love.  And that’s what defeats a nasty little boy.”

She looked startled for a moment, surprised eyes meeting his. Was this woman truly so unused to receiving praise?  Bloody hell!  There was something almost criminally tragic about that.  Hook reached beneath his leather coat and grabbed his flask from his back pocket.

“I certainly hope so,” Anna responded. Her eyes narrowed as she saw the flask in his hand.  “Is rum your solution to everything?”

He smirked. “It certainly doesn’t hurt.”

Hook took a drink, and then handed the flask over to Anna. Despite her half-hearted complaint about his libations, Hook noted that she took the container readily enough, and immediately brought it to her lips.  He watched her intently, something about his flask in her lovely hand, her lips against the opening affecting him in a way he didn’t even want to think about.

“So, just how did you unlock the map?” he asked, desperately trying to regain his emotional equilibrium.

She shrugged, and then looked up at him, her eyes filled with the barest traces of pain and insecurity. “I did what Pan asked.”

“Just who are you, Swan?”

She grinned at him, more than a hint of flirtation in her eyes. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Aye, he would. He’d like to know everything about her.  Every bloody thing.  He paused for a moment before answering, his eyes radiating his sincerity.  “Perhaps I would.”

He’d shocked her; he could see it in her eyes. She held eye contact for barely a second before dropping her eyes, returning his flask, and walking determinedly away.

Hook sighed. He must go slowly, gently.  Those walls of her would take some time and patience to breech.

“Aannnd cut!” Regina called, broad smile on her face. “You two have some of the best chemistry I’ve ever seen.  First take and you nailed it!  Let’s try one more take to experiment with different camera angles, but honestly?  I think that’s just about a wrap!”

Killian took a long, deep breath and slowly let it out. It was no wonder their performance—his at least—had come off as sincere.  Somewhere between “action” and “cut” he’d ceased acting at all.  He may have been repeating lines written for the dashing Captain Hook, but he meant every word.  He did want to get to know the lovely Emma Swan.

He could only hope she’d one day give him the opportunity.

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

Emma stepped through the studio doors and made a b-line for the refreshments table in the lounge. She was running late today, and she desperately needed to get into hair and makeup, but if she was going to survive filming she needed coffee first.

Lots and lots of coffee.

Emma poured herself the tallest cup she could find and breathed in the steam, closing her eyes in pleasure, the strong scent comforting and relaxing her. She took her first sip and nearly groaned.  If she was going to deal with Killian and his ridiculous….everything…she needed a cup or five of good coffee first—and this was really, really good coffee.

Come on Emma, her inner voice (which sounded waaayyyy too much like Mary Margaret) chided, don’t you think you’re being a little unfair? Killian’s really…not that bad.

She sighed and took another sip. She had to admit it was true.  He’d actually been a total gentleman ever since this whole project started two weeks ago.  Not only that, but she actually liked him.  He was funny and charming and witty, and near the end of long filming days—when she was too exhausted to keep her guard up—she’d talk and laugh with him in between takes.

And that was kind of the problem. She had no intention of ever dating an actor again—particularly one that was as handsome and charismatic as Killian freaking Jones.  Especially not one who had a string of woman five miles long that would do anything to be with him.

She’d learned her lesson with Walsh that actors were the worst, because they could act. He’d pulled off an Emmy worthy performance, making her think he cared about her, loved her, but in the end his true colors had shown through, and she’d gotten her heart broken.

Never, never again!

But Killian’s not Walsh, her annoying inner voice reasoned, Your ‘super power’ hasn’t so much as reared its head with him. He is who he makes himself out to be.

Maybe, but Emma wasn’t ready to chance it.

Although, if she were being brutally honest, it was becoming increasingly hard to stay indifferent to him. The other day when they’d filmed the scene where Hook told Anna he would like to know who she is, the way he’d looked at her…the way everything about his body language had been attuned to her…it was overwhelming.  It had taken every bit of her acting skills not to turn tail and run—before the script called for Anna to, at least.

But it wasn’t just when they were acting. Throughout the day from time to time, she’d feel his gaze upon her, and she’d look up and catch a look of similar longing and intensity in his ridiculously blue eyes.  Killian Jones’s eyes not Captain Hook’s eyes.  Emma tried to convince herself he was just trying to stay in character, but…well, deep down she knew the truth.  Killian was starting to have feelings for her.

Would that really be the end of the world? Emma growled, snatching a donut hole and shoving it in her mouth.  Was it not bad enough Ruby was constantly asking her what it was like to work with “Captain Hottie” as she called him, did even her subconscious have to push her toward him?

Trying to distract herself, she grabbed her script out of her jeans pocket and went over the scene for the day. (Yeah, great distraction from Killian, Emma, considering today you’ll be exclusively working on scenes with him!)

Today, they’d be filming the scene in Baelfire’s cave—the one where Hook tries to comfort Anna, and she doesn’t want any part of it. Emma looked down at the words once more.

Anna: Look, I know what this is, you trying to…bond…with me. Well save your breath because I’m not interested.

Man had Regina type cast her! It was like the script writers had gotten into her own head when they wrote that line. 

You do know, right, that Anna was only so standoffish because she does have feelings for Hook? She’s afraid to explore them, but she knows full well that he’s someone she could fall deep and hard for.

But she was Emma, not Anna.

You sure you don’t protest too much?

She really needed to do something about that inner voice; it was annoying as hell!

“Hi! You’re Emma Swan, right?”

Emma startled at the sound of the young voice, and turned to look into a pair of sparkling brown eyes.

“Yeah,” she answered. “And who are you?”

He grinned. “I’m Henry.  Your son.”

For a moment, panic hit her, memories of the pain as she gave birth, the far greater pain as she watched the nurse carry away her newborn son forever.

Then reason returned. This was Henry, her on-screen kid.  This had nothing to do with…well…the worst day of her life.

Emma stuck out her hand, and he put his much smaller one in hers. “Nice to meet you, kid.”

“Nice to meet you too!” he said enthusiastically.

A pang went straight to Emma’s heart at the sound of his voice, the feel of his little hand in hers. There was something so achingly familiar about this little boy.  She had to swallow a substantial lump in her throat before she could speak again.

“So, Henry, we’ve been filming for almost two weeks. How is it I’m only now meeting you?” she asked.

He shrugged. “My mom only lets me film in the mornings, then I have to work on school work.  That was our deal when she hired me.  I could be in her movie, but I had to do my school work when my scenes were over.”

“Your mom hired you?  Who’s your mom, kid?”

“Regina Mills!” Henry said.

Emma’s eyes widened. “Didn’t know Regina had any kids.”

“It’s just me,” Henry said, eyeing the plate of donuts. “She really wanted a baby, so she adopted me, and now I’m ten years old. Well, gotta go.  I’m doing a scene with Peter Pan today!”

And with that, he was off.

Ten years old.  That’s pretty close to the age her own kid would be now.  She wondered where he was, how he was doing.  The familiar pain and guilt hit her.  She knew what it was like to be in the system.  What if…what if he’d never gotten adopted?  What if he’d been taken in by one of those awful foster families that was only in it for the money?

She tried to deal with it by reminding herself that she was giving her kid his best chance, and that normally worked (although a small, niggling part of her always reminded her that she was adopted by the Nolan’s just after jail. She would bet all her savings Ruth Nolan would have given her baby a place to live as well.)

Mostly it worked; mostly she was able to shove the painful thoughts aside, but there was something about seeing Henry…something that tore at her, made her raw.

“There you are,” came the British accent. “Your make-up artist is looking for you; we start filming in half-an—are you alright there, Swan?”

Emma quickly swiped at her eyes, pasted on what she hoped was a carefree smile, and turned toward Killian (who looked better than any man had a right to in his pirate leathers, guyliner and shirt unbuttoned nearly to his navel, damn him). “I’m fine.  Thanks for reminding me; running late today.”

His brows furrowed as he looked at her, the concern evident in his eyes. She made a move to step past him, but he stopped her with a gentle hand to her arm.  “No, love, you’re not.  You look like you’re near to falling apart.  What’s wrong?”

She dropped her head, unable to stem the single tear that slid down her face. He swiped at it with the pad of his thumb.  Finally she sighed.  Killian was far, far too perceptive.  No way she’d be able to b.s. her way out of this one.

“Alright, I’m not fine,” she said, a touch of irritability in her voice, “happy?”

“Not remotely,” he said gently, the warm rumble of his voice nearly making her shiver. “Anything I can do to help?”

She shook her head. “I appreciate your concern, but…I’ll be fine.  It’s just, some rough memories from my past kind of reared their ugly heads today.”

He was silent for a long moment, and Emma looked down, her hands going to her back pockets, her stance defensive. Finally he spoke again, and his voice was so gentle, tender, hesitant it nearly undid her.  “Emma…I too know what it’s like to have a painful past.”

Suddenly it was too much. All of it. Way too much.  She looked up into his concerned face and hardened her heart.  “Look,” she said, “I know we have to work with each other and everything, and it’s a good thing if we get along, but you don’t have to, you know, bond with me.  I’ve been dealing with my crap on my own nearly all my life, and I’m…I’m just better alone.”

And without another word she pushed past him and nearly ran to the make-up artist. It was only when she’d left the lounge that she realized how ridiculously close to the script they were using today her conversation with Killian had been.  Talk about art imitating life!

Well, sort of. She had no intention of ever letting her walls down for Killian Jones.

Yeah, me thinks you doth protest waaaaaay too much, helpfully supplied her inner voice.