#that whenever im good at something i either get exploited for it

[libraford]

Me: -excels at something- :)

Boss: you can't be that good without cheating.

Me: :(

Whatever this conversation is: you can't be that good without fucking your coworkers over.

Me: :'(

[hazbin-a-helluvamagines]

Heyyy I'm sooo happy that you're back ! I hope you're doing ok now ! Make sure to take good care of yourself.☺️

if it's not too much, can we have some Verosika and fizzarolli headcanons with a lil sister reader (platonic obviously)

"Little Sis" ; Fizzarolli, Verosika Mayday

Look. You're probably the only one he actually kept around after the whole incident with the circus and following him into his employment with Mammon.

You get to see him at his absolute worst, when he's struggling with Mammon, the abuse, the exploitation, you get a front-row seat to every breakdown and panic attack.

And he had the desire to keep you out of that life. Forever. So he'd never let you attend any performances or shows where Mammon was present.

You could see him at Ozzie's, see all the cool songs and tricks he could do, but other than that? He didn't want to risk Mammon scouting you as potential talent. He thinks he'd go insane if something ever happened to put you in the position he's in.

"But Fizz, why can't I ever see you at the Clown Pageant?"

"Y/N, it's... It's not a nice place. If it were, I'd let you, but... please. For me, don't argue with me. I don't... want you seeing what I do there."

Of course, reluctantly, you agree. If it's that important to him, he must be being truthful that there are things you'd just rather not see there.

But after Fizz quits? He shows you all the videos online of Ozzie protecting him. :)

Speaking of!! You get to meet and chill with Ozzie! A total gentleman towards both you and your big brother, and you can see the way Fizzarolli's face flushes whenever Ozzie holds his hand or makes a sweet compliment.

Honestly, Asmodeus is one of the few people who's been able to make your brother smile and laugh throughout the duration of his absolute misery.

And of course, it's important for Asmodeus to meet his future sister-in-law!

You've spent your entire life making him happy. And now that he's free, he can finally return the favor. :))

Verosika's sibling? I doubt you're not part of her posse, and therefore, famous alongside her and her clique. Both in Hell and on Earth.

She calls you "sis", "bro", or "sib", depending on what pronouns you use.

"Hey, sib! Coco and Apple and I are going shopping, wanna come? Last one in the car's a fucking virgin."

She's a pretty irresponsible big sister, honestly. She'll swear, make innuendos, and take you places you probably shouldn't be. But the second someone actually tries some shit on you, it's over. Those heels of hers are rather painful when embedded in someone's dick, after all.

You were with her through her breakup with Blitzø, and you, like Fizz's sibling, also got to see her at her worst. Baggy hoodies, runny mascara, ice cream, filthy hair, depression... The works. She never meant for you to see her like that. It was jarring, and she knows it, to see someone so confident and sweet become so broken and petty.

But on the plus side, she ended up giving you a ton of things because she wanted to try and salvage all the relationships she already had, with you, with her posse, hell, probably even with your guys' parents.

She's also super protective of you. As a succubus in Hell, she knows better than almost anyone else how touchy and unwelcomely handsy others can be with your kind. So she always makes sure to have some pepper spray on her, at the very least, plus teaching you the whole 'keys between the fingers' trick.

"Okay, so you stick each of these keys between your fingers... Yeah, like that! And then you punch 'im in the dick. And if it's a lady? Ditch the keys, purple nurple her."

It's honestly a bit eerie how well-versed she is, but hey, it's Hell, a girl's gotta protect herself somehow. And she'll be damned if her little sibling can't do it, either.

You have your spats, but deep down, the both of you love each other. Nothing could change that.

I hope you enjoy never sleeping, though, because damn, her karaoke nights last forever- At least she can sing, I guess-

[wetbloodworm]

now we're thinking about merri and beul in gta au

merri's probably still from a death cult, those exist in real life. maybe based in another gta game city like liberty city or san andreas. so he's still got the tattoos.

professional hit man

got on the wrong side of some gang and was taken out to the ocean at night to be tossed overboard

so then we get to beul. sorry bud you gotta be a human in this au

beul is an isolationist loner so no way would it be part of any gangs or such. it's a solo actor in ls, mostly just some random homicidal weirdo who lives in the city. kinda in the city. it has a houseboat. or maybe just a boat it lives on so it can move around. lives on the ocean either way. avoids people as much as it can unless it's actively trying to murder people. ez described it as having trevor philips energy and yeah tbh. trevor but somehow MORE homicidal and without any friends or sense of loyalty. trevor but worse.

it probably picks off other boats it finds out at sea for funsies. beul are you just a serial killer, is that how i define you here

beul happens to see merri getting tossed overboard from its boat and goes hm. i can use this. fishes merri out of the ocean and congrats boy you've got a life debt now.

merri is expected to kill whoever beul tells him to as well as fetch things like groceries and weapons etc so beul doesn't have to actually interact with people or go on land. can just stay on its boat while merri is its gopher.

maybe not groceries actually beul isn't looking to be poisoned lmao but anything else it needs.

if merri doesn't do what beul wants it will kill him. it doesn’t like going on land but it WILL hunt him down if it comes to it. im considering beul having some other kind of dirt on merri that it's willing to exploit, murder is how it prefers to solve problems but it's good to have backup.

merri absolutely figures the way he gets out of this is by killing beul but that's gonna be a challenge, and he can't let on that he's planning anything lest beul get him first. so he's gotta play long now. getting texts and phone calls all times of day and night to do shit that he's gotta drop everything for.

the thalassophobia merri develops is troublesome here because beul refuses to meet him on land, merri has to come out to its boat. merri's tried to negotiate this before with no luck, beul just threatens him over it. beul is a sadist so merri showing up with its delivery twitchy and afraid is an amusing bonus

merri is better off in this au because his bodily autonomy isn't being violated but he's worse off because beul can kill him whenever it wants. f.

is beul dying in this au like it was in dnd in its original body? not sure. medicine could be a thing merri is fetching for it. i'm unsure on this front.

i'm picturing human beul as like... very tall, broad. ruddy face to match the red of its monster design. potentially former military though not set there. i'll have to design it tonight or something.

[bangtangalicious]

what would fmf!jk do if oc didn’t listen to jk and actually dated someone and ended up falling in love, how far would jk go to get her back?

so lets say you fall in love with taehyung bc he’s such a sweetheart in this. i hope you like this anon <3

tw: jealousy, possessive behavior, toxic fuckboy mentalities, fuckboy!jungkook, manipulation, implied smut, angst (sorry lmaoooo), heartbreak, selfpity, sabotage, poor taehyung rip, implied slut shaming (this part of the fuck me forever au)

weeks after hearing the news that you and taehyung were actually now dating, jungkook would find himself at the bar every night, drinking away the pain and throwing himself at others. he’d fuck two or three people a night, but his mind was always full of you. he was sick of you. no. he missed you.

he’d see you and taehyung around campus being all cute together. taehyung kissing your forehead, making you laugh, holding you in his arms the way jungkook used to

he’d sweat it off at the gym, pounding into the punching bag like there was no tomorrow. he couldn’t sit around and let you slip away from him. not any longer.

he’d hit you up, hellbent on doing whatever he needed to sabotage your relationship before he loses you for good. he’d text you asking to meet, showing up at your place when taehyungs not around. he’d want to try to drive a wedge between the two of you

he knew youd tell taehyung youd been spending time with him. he wanted you to. because he knew taehyung would advise you not to see him. to cut him out of your life.

and that was the key. jungkook would start putting the idea in your head that taehyung himself was overly possessive, not wanting you to spend time with your own best friend—how ridiculous ! 

jungkook knew all your deepest insecurities, and would exploit them to the fullest in order to to make you doubt taehyung’s commitment to you. 

he'd point out whenever other girls would talk to him. whenever taehyung would say he was too busy to see you. it would become the bane of his existence, making sure to catch taehyung slipping whenever he possibly could. he'd fill your head with wrong notions, reminding you all the reasons you felt you were undeserving of someone loving you.

then he'd recommend breaking up with him.

in the meantime he'd go around telling all your mutual friends that you still sleep with him even though you claim to be dating taehyung

taehyung may not believe it, but everyone else does. 

eventually they would start judging taehyung for being complacent or naive. saying that you’re taking advantage of him and getting away with cheating on him because you’re just that hot

despite how hard taehyung tries, it would eventually get to his head. he would blow up at you accidentally one day and you would start to think that maybe jungkook was right about taehyung being possessive. you weren't used to being in a relationship either. so you’d dump him then and there

jungkook would be overjoyed when you tell him, calling him in a mess of tears. he'd come over right away and take full advantage of your heartbreak & vulnerability. hold you tight. be the friend you knew and loved. the one you needed. 

sssh baby its okay. im here now aren’t i? everything will be okay. i got you.

you’d realize just how close he is, your lips would draw into him like a magnet. he’d make sure you kissed him first.

you’d want to give him everything, let him take complete control so that you could feel numb.

let me take away the pain baby. i can make it all go away. let me treat you right.

jungkook would then begin to fuck you sweetly. with care. getting into your emotional mind. filling you with love & adoration. making you feel wanted. making you feel beautiful. 

he has no idea what he’s missing out on. you’re a fucking goddess y/n. you’re the hottest girl in the entire world. you drive me crazy.

you realize that no matter how hard you tried to deny it you still had feelings for jungkook. you always would. 

this would overwhelm jungkook. he loves you too. but he’s afraid. afraid he’ll mess up and you’ll leave him. afraid that you’ll hurt him, get bored of him before he gets bored of you. he likes having to chase you. he likes the freedom of having you only when he’d like. he can’t be tied down, he can’t! its suffocating to think about. he doesn’t want what you and taehyung had.

he'd panic internally, but decide to entertain your feelings for the night if it would keep you this eager to please him and let him rail you repeatedly, all night long. however he wants.

god im fucking in love with you baby. i love you so much 

as he would push his cock deep inside you. he’d promise you love. friendship. the knowing comfort that you’d never ever be alone—you always had him. he was yours as long as you were his. 

you’re mine. all mine. don’t ever let anyone touch you again except me. im the only one. tell me im the only one. show me how much you need me.

he would fuck you over. and over. and over again. lips glued to one another. never parting as he pumped you full of his cum until you couldn’t even move. 

such a good fucking girl. so perfect for me. wanna fuck you just like this for the rest of my life

in the morning taehyung would show up begging for you to give him another chance. jungkook would answer the door in nothing but his boxers, telling taehyung everything he needed to know. 

once he would leave jungkook would grab your phone and block taehyungs number. he didn’t want to risk the two of you communicating and fixing your relationship.

he’d lie down, thinking about his actions as he watches you sleep. he couldn’t do it. he just couldn’t do it. he’d blink back tears of frustration, hating himself more for stealing something good from you—his best friend—for his own selfish needs. 

he wasn’t good enough for you. you deserved better. he recalled with a pang in his heart all the promises he made made while making love to you for so long last night. he was rotten, and he knew it. 

so when you you woke up. 

he was gone. 

a/n: basically he’d manage to get you back but then he would leave bc. he’s an asshole. IM SORRY HAAHAHA. theres a happy ending in the works ok dw. 

[kainscape]

Heyyyy can I request asa and Jesse with a reader who has a anime curvy figure ( like has big b00bs , b!g a$$ etc ) like headcannons on what they would do ? ( if this makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to answer 😊💕)

A/N: Nope, you're all good! here you are! im probably not going to specify on certain body parts.

Asa and Jesse HCs with a fem!curvy reader

Asa Emory:

Asa finds your bodies proportions to be a perfect perk that's included with your personality. He's not the one to favor a certain body type, searching for someone who could handle him mentally and emotionally.

So saying that, Asa is going to consensually exploit your body in any way he can. Like buying you clothes that hug your figure and taking you out like he's showing off his prized specimen. His favorite is a black two piece dress that's perfect for special date night out.

Asa is prone to groping at your flesh, whether he's sitting on the couch with a harsh grip on your thigh, or biting and feeling of any skin showing. He likes for you to sit on his lap as he ghosts over your waist and thighs, intently watching every twitch your face makes.

When he's working over night into the early mornings, Asa gets little to no sleep per usual. But, that one limited moment where he's called off his late night work, he's already got a strong arm secured around your chest and waist. His fingernails are scratching and digging into the exposed skin, kissing your neck.

If anybody were to comment on your body shape in any connotation, his looks to the person are already shutting them down. His words are cold and quick, intimidation at its finest. You might see their name on the news of their murder later.

Maybe you were insecure or uncomfortable with the way your body looks. We all know Asa isn’t the best man to comfort, but he knows how to settle things down.

He’ll bring you to a full body mirror standing behind you, running his large hands over your clothed (or unclothed) figure. Asa likes to whisper praise and unique compliments into your ear as he holds eye contact with you the whole time.

If you can’t handle his stare, he will make you look at him. Either way, you’re gonna feel like a goddess when he’s done.

Last but not least, Asa will cut or rip your clothes off with no hesitation. He just can't help it!

Jesse Cromeans

Jesse loves curvy bodies for a partner, but never judges the body over the personality. He likes the way certain proportions on bodies fit in tighter clothing, especially yours!

He loves spoiling you with gifts at random hours of the day, like expensive jewelry and clothing.

You can never say you like something in a shop or on the sidewalk with him, because Jesse will get it for you, even if you plead him not to spend his money on it. You want it? It’s yours.

If you come to his work place, he’s always got you in his lap while he gropes your thighs and waist. He loves the feeling of your soft body underneath his hands.

Hugs from behind are a huge definite. Your warmth brings him comfort; loves being able to slide his hands up and down the side of your curved figure, feeling everything.

If someone made a rude comment or a sexual compliment to you, Jesse is quick to stalk them down and see to their end. There won’t be much left of them, not that there should be anyways. No ones allowed to have your body except you and him.

You can’t convince me Jesse doesn’t take photos of you on your date nights. He’ll take you to a park or somewhere in the city for the scenery. A few small photos here and there transform into a full blown photoshoot. He’ll sign to you what pose you should do and praise you every time as he looks at the image on his phone.

He keeps all of them but prints out his favorite to keep with him whenever he’s away. It’s a little torn and folded up, but his sacred one is a view of you unaware of him. You were laying on your side as you pampered and stroked a small dog that had made its way up to you earlier.

You were in casual clothe attire, like some regular blue jeans and a fitted black hoodie. Something so simple but cute on you.

If you happen to be insecure about the way your body is shaped, that would soon be a thought no more. Jesse takes great pride in his taste of people and style, so he chose you for a reason. He leaves a Polaroid picture of you with some encouraging words on it. He might put them in the kitchen or your shared bathroom mirror. Some place where you’ll easily find it.

Jesse loves your body and he loves you. Good luck trying to find someone who would treat you better than he can.

[saintodo]

ouweriuwriuwrowe (^≗ω≗^) anon here!!!!! i'm doin fine nowadays since we have break from school for this week which means no pts or hw of any kind!!!! (thank god i didnt think id be able to handle anymore ifwkhw) anyways--

i know that catboy gojo is your baby but may i raise you catboy nanamin?

nanami with his matching blond ears and thin tail thats just as sensitive as his ears, catboy nanami who was hesitant on having a human until you came along and changed his mind, catboy nanami who hates and i mean HATES anyone (hybrid or not) who breaths in your and his general direction bc your not theirs or his you belong to one another >:((! are they blind to the marks on your neck and on his body? catboy nanamin who follows your every whims and every steps with devotion bc he loves loves it whenever you praise him, catboy nanamin who hates it when you degrade him or ignore him, he's a good boy for you after all so why are you being so mean to him? :((

catboy nanamin who takes and takes everything you give to him, whether it'd be edging him or overstimming him he doesnt care!!!! he's all yours and he'd follow you to hell and back if thats what you wanted

anyways just catboy nanamin in general 💕

hello (^≗ω≗^) nonnie !!!!! im happy that you’re on break, i hope you take this time to relax lots <3 also you are exploiting my weaknesses……catboys AND nanamin…..two of my most favoritest things in the world

♡ word count: 643

♡ warnings: hybrids, catboy nanami, gn reader, dom reader, sub nanami

catboy nanami is an independent hybrid. for most of his life, he’s been alone- living just fine without a human to care for him. he’s not against the idea, but he’s not for it either. he’s just indifferent for the most part. that is, until you come along. you make nanami realize that yeah, he doesn’t need a human but coexisting with one might not be so bad.

it takes time for him to fully warm up to you and even longer for you to persuade him to come home with you. you never pressure him, which nanami greatly appreciates, always letting him go at his own pace. when he eventually moves into your home, he’s reminded of how considerate you are- moving things around in your home so nanami can have his own living space for the occasions where he may want to be left alone. it’s a very thoughtful gesture on your part: something that cements nanami’s belief that you’re a good human and that he made the correct decision.

nanami’s not possessive. he knows that you’re his and he’s yours. you made your intentions perfectly clear when you first started talking to (aka courting) him. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get irritated when people try to speak to you- or him- in a more than friendly manner. nanami’s always had a very good sense of people’s intentions, being a hybrid and all, and nothing bothers him more when others trample all over another’s boundaries.

he’s not so petty to start an argument, but he’ll be viciously blunt.

“i am in a committed relationship,” he says blandly. the sleek blond ears resting on top of his head twitch in mild annoyance. “even if i was not, i would not entertain your advances.” he walks away from the conversation to where you are standing, leaving the individual who was attempting to flirt with him wilting like a dying flower.

he’s respectful of the fact you have a job where you can’t appear unprofessional, meaning he cannot leave marks up and down your neck, so nanami takes care to be a little more discreet. the marks and bruises he leaves are right below your collar. if you shift a little or stretch your arms, others would surely catch a quick glimpse of the healing marks. 

same goes for nanami, but you’re a little more careless with where you mark him. yes, you know nanami is your hybrid, but you’ve seen the way some eye him in his office when you drop by and visit him during his lunch break. most of the marks you bite and suck into his skin are concealed by his dress shirt and slacks, but every so often there’s a stray reddened bruise right below nanami’s jaw or high up on the column of his neck. you just gotta drive it home for his coworkers that nanami’s a taken man.

catboy nanami is a really well-behaved hybrid, so it’s easy for you to lavish him in praise. he pretends to be indifferent to your compliments, but you can see the way he preens afterward. it’s cute how his cheeks color the slightest bit too.

he’s so so so good to you. all the time. he always cleans up after himself and even goes so far to take on more of the household chores- even when you tell him it’s unnecessary to- because he wants to make you happy. he lets you play with him any way you want, taking everything you throw at him in stride. if he starts to squirm too much for your liking or starts to whine too loud, all you have to say is i thought you were my good boy, kento :( with a pout on your lips and he’ll try so hard to calm his movements because yeah, he is your good boy

[pebblysand]

hi! im fairly new to writing fanfiction and I saw your post and resonated with a lot of it - plus you worded the whole essay quite well! so im just here to ask a bit of advice.

I'm also a non-native English speaker - eng is my third language actually. and I have mutuals and friends (most of them native eng speakers) who write so well for the fandom that im in and I always get disheartened/ashamed whenever posting my writing out there because they are so talented!!! and look at me!! im just barely stringing words and sentences together!! (well,, I can to a degree write proper sentences but there's no beauty in my writing, I feel.) and I want to stop comparing myself to them so much!! I just can't stop. could you help me either overcome this feeling and/or become a better writer? how do I stop hating what I create and finish my fics instead of leaving them half-written?

Hi Anon! Thanks for your lovely words and question, and welcome aboard the fanfiction world!

You raised a lot of points in your ask, I’ll try to address them as thoroughly as I can. I hope this helps.

ON WRITING IN ENGLISH

First of all, congrats on speaking three languages, that’s really awesome. I only speak two!

Secondly, I actually don’t think - from what I’ve read - that your insecurities stem from writing in English as a second language. The things you are talking about (comparing yourself, finding your own writing bland, etc.) actually happen to everyone, regardless of the language in which they write. I’m sure if you chatted with the friends and mutuals you’re referring to, they’d confess the same issues, even when English is their first language. As I said in my original post, everyone makes mistakes (including people who write in their first language) and I think this is actually much broader - it also applies to all kinds of writing “missteps.” Everyone struggles with confidence and imposter syndrome, regardless of their origin. Obviously, there are very specific struggles that come with writing in a second language (I’ve talked about some of those in the 15 years post), but I don’t believe the ones you’re specifically referring to are exclusive to writing in a foreign language so don't stress it too much. Everyone is the same!

ON COMPARING YOURSELF

Building on the above, I think we all have these insecurities and compare ourselves to others - it's quite a natural thing to do, especially when you're starting out in a particular field. I'm sure you felt the same way about your first job, your first year in uni: how does everyone else have their shit together and I don't? As far as I'm concerned, you wouldn’t imagine the number of times in the last fifteen years I’ve read something someone else wrote and went: ‘okay, fine, I’ll never be this good, I’ll never write again, bye.’ I think it’s a very human feeling, and I don’t believe it’s wrong, per se. I think what is important - ultimately - isn’t the feeling itself but what you do with it. How you exploit it to become a better writer, rather than recoil in fear - go from ‘I’m so shit I’ll never write again,’ to ‘Okay, this person is really good, how do I write more like them?’

I can’t guarantee all of these will work for you, but here are a few tips I can think of to flick that switch in your head:

Don’t read good work if you’re in a bad headspace: I reckon this goes without saying, but if you’ve already had a bad day, maybe writing the work of someone you admire isn’t the right thing to do. It can feel like the right thing (often, we see reading fic as escapism), but trust me when I say that if you’re already feeling insecure, reading that kind of thing will only make you feel worse. There’s a couple of writers who I really admire at the moment, but I always try to read their work when I’m feeling happy and confident about my writing, rather than down. I generally also tend not to read and write at the same time. That is because reading something good when you’re happy and when your mind is free from worries will make you feel even better and more inspired. However, reading something good when you’re already feeling shit will only comfort you in the feeling that you will never compare. To give you an example, when Sally Rooney's latest book came out (she's one of my favourite writers), I was working on a chapter of my WIP. And, while I really was dying to read her book, I still made sure to finish what I was working on first. I knew that if I tried to do both, I'd just be comparing myself the whole time and not get anything done. I think that was definitely the right decision, as I later read her work and was able to simply appreciate her brilliance without constantly referring back to mine.

Don’t compare, analyse: if you’re reading something from a writer you admire and are in a good enough headspace to do it, try and put pen to paper (or make notes on your phone, obv.) to specifically pinpoint what you like about their writing. What sentence structure do they use? How elaborate is their vocabulary? What exactly makes their dialogue flow? Do this as though you were in high school English class, almost, sentence by sentence like a dissertation. How do they shape their comparisons? What are your favourite lines? I think this is good, because a) it teaches you what you like and what/how you can replicate it in your own writing and b) it changes your status from being a passive reader (i.e. how could I ever compare?) to an active one (i.e. here’s how this is done). There is something about insecurity that rests in powerlessness. By analysing instead of blankly comparing, you’re putting the power to get better in your own hands and have a goal to strive towards.

Ask for help: I’ve said this in my original post, but I’ll say it again: get a beta. You’re telling me that many of these people whom you admire are mutuals - take advantage of that! Ask them for help! Trust me, most people are more than happy to beta if they have the time to do so. Again, worse case scenario, they say no. There is honestly nothing better - in my experience - than learning tips and tricks from someone whose writing you admire. It is so satisfying, because you’ll be so much more inclined to put in the work and progress if your work is being reviewed by someone you want to impress. Also, you’ll be much more willing to accept their modifications, because you will trust their opinion. I reckon this is especially true if you’re someone who, like me, learns by doing rather than through theory. To give you an example, often, when you write as a non-native English speaker, one of the things you have to learn is the rules of English punctuation. Punctuation often differs in different languages, and it’s one of those things you rarely learn in school. When I started writing, I had a beta, god bless her, who basically went in and corrected all of my punctuation for dialogue tags, etc. And, because she was making the same modifications over and over, I figured just by looking at what she’d changed what I was doing wrong. It saved me a lot of time scrolling on the internet looking up specific rules.

Also, just know that when you talk about “beauty in writing,” you’re much more likely to see other people’s than your own. The number of times I’ve had someone quote back a line/paragraph I’d written to me being like: ‘omggg, this is awesome,’ and me going: ‘is it?’ Just like your own favourite piece of writing is highly unlikely to be everyone else’s favourite, you’re highly unlikely to find the beauty in your own writing. You’ll write lines that you think are beautiful and that no one else cares about, and lines you think are bland which everyone will love. We can have a very different view of ourselves.

ON NOT GIVING UP

Lastly, in your ask, you mention you find it difficult to finish projects. There are two things I have to say about that:

find a project you’re truly passionate about: I think to finish a project - especially a long fic - you have to be truly passionate about the story you’re telling. I wrote a fic this summer which I really didn’t care about and I found it so hard to power through and finish it, compared to the rest of my work. One thing I would say, is that if you really want to keep yourself accountable and not “drop” what you write, maybe try writing for challenges/prompts in your fandom. When other people are involved (especially, for example, if it’s a fic exchange) you’ll feel more compelled to write. Others are waiting/depending on you to write something - that's one hell of a propeller! That’s how I managed to finish that fic I didn’t particularly enjoy writing.

acknowledge that everything in life has a certain timing: one of the things I learnt over the past fifteen years is also that when you drop projects, it is often not forever. You have no idea how many fics I started to write multiple times, sometimes months and years apart, until I finally managed to get them out. My current HP WIP, I genuinely tried writing a version of it every couple of years since the last HP book came out, until it finally sounded right and I was finally able to really commit to it last year. It took me THIRTEEN YEARS to sort it out. I wrote other things in the meantime, of course, but I gave up on that one so many times I genuinely thought I’d never publish it. The truth is that sometimes, you have ideas but don’t have either the life, or the writing experience to do them justice. That’s fine. Just keep writing, change projects, try again until something sticks. As long as you keep writing something, you’re doing fine.

.

Okay, I think that’s everything I could think of at this point in time. I hope it was helpful. If you (or anyone else) have any other questions, let me know!

If you want to read my fics, you can find them here. My original pieces and rec list can also be found online. Lastly, if you want to support my writing and this strange writing advice train-wreck I seem to have started (lol), you can find my tippee page here.

[box16]

extremely personal extremely long rambling related to last post under the cut. cw for brief mentions of emotional/intentionally vague self harm and age gaps and relationship abuse

like. GOD. god in 2018-2019 i hated myself so much (and in 2019 was dealing with not only being freshly out of a relationship with a 4 year age gap into a rebound abusive relationship but also what i can only describe as the fallout of 2018′s Catastrophic Massive Fucking Winceworthy Oopsie) and my entire sense of self was based on making myself Feel bad or having my ex boyfriend make ME feel bad for generally harmless things. and that made me Depressed As Fuck! and i was (and still am) generally very socially isolated both from having all the people i thought were my friends turn around and turn out to be massive fucking exclusionists during a point of my life where i identified as aroace and from generally just having forcefully pushed away everyone i had known in 2017 and 2018 so it was just me, informal tumblr mutuals and my boyfriend, who constantly made me Feel Bad and like i was worthless when i was not [REDACTED].

and then in late 2019 early 2020 i Finally reached out and made friends one of which would turn out to be my now girlfriend and being surrounded by people who actually cared about me and loved me and didnt want to merely Exploit me or use me after an entire year of just thinking i was good for being Used was so fucking insane. but it was also so. fucking. uncomfortable. because i was still stuck with my “YOU NEED TO FIGHT EVERYONE AND BE ANTAGONISTIC BUT ALSO EXTREMELY SUBMISSIVE TO EVERYONE WHO YOU LOVE SO THEY DONT END UP HATING YOU” instincts and as you can imagine it ended up with me feeling EXTREMELY detached from everyone around me and i STILL hated myself. because nothing about my mentality had changed. i was in a better place and i was cared for but i still wasnt out of the ‘i hate myself and i need to hurt myself to redeem myself’ zone mentally

which means!! that i was BARELY improving if at all through those two years!! because my idea of improving was some fucking biblical “hurt yourself into a better version of yourself” bullshit which DOES!!!!  NOT!!!!!!!   WORK!!!!!!!!!!

mid 2020 was when i FINALLY peeled myself away from my ex socially and began putting in effort into my relationships and bettering myself as a person and being kinder to myself and to others because i realized that Hey, I Don’t Deserve This, I’m Not Getting Better While This Is Happening, I Need To Do Something Different!

and although ive lost most of my friends from 2020-2021 if only because we simply Could not get along or had differing views on things that were dealbreakers for either of us, i had come out of it with actually being able to take care of myself and not be devastated/essentially guilt tripping people whenever one of my loved ones brought a concern up to me. and also october 11th 2020 generally patched a hole in my soul like emotionally/mentally but thats another story

umm umm where am i going with this. OH YEAH on new years eve 2021 i finally fully ripped the bandaid and cut contact with my ex (which was a whole fucking deal that i dont care to get into but it was also a huge fucking weight off my shoulders) and i havent self harmed since 2020 save for like. occasionally banging my head when i get REALLY frustrated. and now in 2022 im finally letting myself process the last.. (counting) 4 years of my life and its ..  a lot. but i love myself. and i love those who love me. and i have hope for myself. and i didnt deserve anything that i put myself through. and im very happy to .TATA GET OFF MY KEYBOARD To finally be able to realize that. and i know things will only get better and i will only get better

[swimfuel]

Hey!! The X-men are literally my favorite thing and I was wondering if you could elaborate on how Scott is a knight of doom

YES OF COURSE!!!! i'll put it under a cut since i tend to ramble a bit & i'm pulling a bunch of explanations from people smarter than i am

the knight weaponizes their aspect; they have an inherent understanding of their aspect that allows them to exploit it completely. doom is the aspect of systems, restrictions/limitations, sacrifices, and endings.

one of scott's core themes is reclaiming his restrictions in order to serve others/the greater good! he takes the possible liability that are his faulty powers and shifts them to become an advantage, largely through the strength of his restraint and discipline. his role as a tactician and the way he sees sacrifices (more on that later) also mesh EXTREMELY well with the knight of doom.

i feel like the Wh*don run (specifically astonishing x-men #22-23) really highlights how scott can turn a situation on its head through exploiting his disadvantages to the point where they become tactically advantageous!! like, let's count the ways:

the ship the x-men stole from kruun is obviously bugged, so his team won't be able to communicate without being overheard. he realizes this, and uses that restriction (being overheard) as an advantage, by falsifying their course of action.

he has been left "without his powers"—he presents a restriction that lowers the guard of his adversary and grants him entry to their home base. he then subverts this by exploding the shit out of everything when an opportune moment arrives

HE LITERALLY EXPLOITS DEATH...... HE EXPLOITS HIS OWN DEATH...................FOR THE GREATER GOOD..........DUDE???? someone get this man an advil

some more thoughts, followed by some examples by people smarter than me:

he exhibits a similar pattern of idolization/realization with xavier irt karkat/HICand dave/bro.... not sure if this by itself is a knight-y thing but i think the consistent disillusionment with their role in defending their aspect is interesting (aka knight burnout, more on that later)

he is def willing to sacrifice shit for the greater good of mutantkind. the shit in question sometimes being his closest friends and allies. the examples that stick out to me are how he allowed beast to get tortured (utopia era) while executing his plan to solve All His Problems At Once & also when he sent x-force to the future to defend hope knowing it was going to be a one-way trip

that entire issue revolving around just how GOOD scott is at self-repression😭😭😭 i'm pretty sure it's post-schism utopia era i don't remember the exact issue WAIT NVM i'm pretty sure it's uncanny #518

seeing phoenix!scott as an inversion to (rogue of) life is also an interesting concept (unchecked growth!)

the amount of responsibility he feels he has to take on (partially due to his idolization cycle w xavier/xavier's dream) is also both knight-y and doom-y

and of course the instinct to protect the people around him --> being expanded into the whole of mutantkind (which, in turn, expands his sense of obligation)

everything leading up to revolutionary cyclops is also very interesting through this framework because its reminiscent of the knights & doom players in hs! the "taking on an insane burden" (phoenix force, whatever whammied mituna) -> the "resignation to the fate handed to him by his aspect" (his stint in prison, dead daves, sollux in general) -> the "refusal to accept that fate" (prison break, dave not wanting to use time travel, sollux fucking off into the dreambubbles, karkat coming to terms w his relationship w leadership) --> experiencing knight burnout at the end of revolutionary era going into death of x

im not sure exactly how to put it into words but everything about his childhood/teenhood... like being surrounded by forces seeking to control him and use him for their own ends..... idk

(from @/land-of-classpects-and-analysis, sections highlighted red are of particular interest)

HIS GIANT STINKING MARTYR COMPLEX.....DUDE😭😭

side note & ive mentioned this before but scottjean is an interesting parallel to davejade in a way i cant verbalize

Then there are the ones who may accept [the fact of inevitable human suffering], and so choose to live in high alert of any danger - any threats - as well as living in fear of what harm may befall them and/or their loved ones. It is this third and final group of people that so deeply marks that of the Knight of Doom.

Now, this might cause a few eyebrows to become quirked. After all, a Knight? Being fearful of something - nevertheless that thing being related to their Aspect? Knights do often present themselves as ruthless and fearless warriors, yes, but that is only because their Aspects and the world around them raised and called them to act as such. 

... A key factor in the Knight’s life, specifically before their journey truly begins, is that they are already well equipped with their Aspect.

... The Knight of Doom is one where their Aspect being all around them is far more bittersweet than anything else.

... What is important to acknowledge is that the facade the Knight of Doom puts up is not only to hide the fear they have for their Aspect, but it is most definitely there to hide the grief and pain they have not yet completely finished going through. Whether it’s been weeks or years, the Knight of Doom is someone who would rather hide themself away from these feelings than find a way to truly mend and heal them ... they have built a false wall between them and their suffering strong and thick enough to partially block it from their memory. 

... Knights are known to become extremely stubborn whenever people try to order them around and pressure them into doing something, and the Knight of Doom is no different - especially if they believe what they are doing is for the greater good. 

(from @/dahniwitchoflight)

Dahni’s Explanantion: “Doom can be a negative force that rejects and harms, fostering a sense of hostility or sadness. But, it is also the idea that you can pull backwards and cautiously and wisely withdraw into your own self.  It can be the idea of Control taken from the sharp Black and White Restrictions that everything in the world gets sorted into. It understands community necessity and need, responsibly pulling back and lowering you down into its lap to help wind yourself down. Doom then is an ultimate gentle Equalizer, instilling its players with an internal sense of Acceptance and eventually true Wisdom.”

Knight of Doom: One who Exploits with Doom or Exploits Doom

Knights hide a fear of a perceived fundamental failure with their Aspect behind a shield of confidence and obsessive effort. Their challenge is to learn to take it down a notch and to understand that they are skilled enough

A Knight is very skilled with using the rules and limitations of any game or session to their advantage. They skillfully fulfill any responsibility or obligation required of them with ease. They might use their natural caution and pessimism to make realistic choices and endeavors. They use and exploit any rule or limit that they can to their advantage. They might also be very good at exploiting any sacrifices made or any obligation or responsibility that they are held to. They might be very good at avoiding any unnecessary thing or person and are very good at recognizing when something is too futile to even bother with.

Likewise they might only focus on the necessary things in their game or session so they are likely to not do much unless it’s absolutely necessary. They would very likely be very meticulous with themselves about following the rules properly and constantly restrict themselves, maybe thinking they aren’t following the rules properly enough or not following the right ones. They might sacrifice anything they consider unnecessary about themselves or the way they live, sometimes even going too far with it, in order to be considered or thought of as less useless. They’re always trying harder and holding themselves to extreme self-imposed standards.

They would likely wait for the opportune moment to strike, though they are slow to move or act, they always will when something necessary needs to happen. Out of all the Doom players, a Knight of Doom seems like the one most likely to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. A Knight of Doom can also expertly use and exploit fire, bombs and explosions to their advantage, maybe they create flashy distractions during fights. They might even use decaying or dying things to their advantage.

(from @/communistvriska)

Role in the Session: Rather like the Prince of Doom, this role’s title kinda has “edgelord” written all over it, but that’s not a set-in-stone character trait. The first thing that comes to mind re: what the Knight Class and the Aspect of Doom have in common is a strong sense of obligation. The Knight of Doom is bound to take their duties and responsibilities Extremely Seriously, perhaps rather too seriously at first ... Knights also tend to be very protective of both their Aspect as a concept, and of themselves and those close to them; while the Knight of Doom isn’t likely to be outwardly aggressive, given Doom’s reserved, slow-burn tendencies, woe betide those who try to deceive or confound the Knight or their allies. One of Doom’s internal contradictions (which I find personally fascinating) is that the aspect is associated both with cynical resignation and with a profound albeit restrained sense of passion and persistence. Doom is what’s left after everything else gets burnt away.

The Knight of Doom will likely be a very skilled combatant, as the Knight is a class strongly associated with Strife / battle, and Doom is one of the more overtly destructive Aspects. I’d put them in the Top 5 Roles to use a cool flamin sword, at least. They’re not going to be eager to fight, per se, but they’re not going to have much trouble scaling the echeladder when it comes to that either. Internally, they’re likely to struggle with a perceived (but largely imagined) inability to fulfill their duties, and they could well stumble once or twice in their quest to be perceived as reliable and stoic, or as someone who their friends can lean on. They’re probably doing more than enough already, but if they’re not careful they might overexert themselves and take on too heavy a burden, and they’re liable to be crushed by their own expectation that they face their challenges alone. This is going to factor into their capital-Q Quest and the environment of their planet, and will be the biggest obstacle in their path to Ascension. A Knight’s duty is to protect their co-players, but their co-players also have to support them.

[fruitymimi]

Free Bird 2 - keigo takami x reader

free bird masterlist

keigo’s behavior is becoming  unhealthy & endeavor finally notices

pairing: keigo takami x gn!reader

warnings: mentions of murder, YANDERE HAWKS, cursing, mentions of trauma & abuse

a/n: pls im hesitant on posting this chapter i feel like its so badddd & corny lmao. but next chapter will be present time! i decided this is enough of the flashbacks for now >:)

To say the least, Endeavor was pissed. Throughout Keigo’s entire life, he’d never developed any feelings towards people his age due to Endeavor and his parents, and that’s the way he wanted it to stay. Enji didn’t want anything or anyone to distract him, that’s why Keigo no longer went to public school, Keigo wasn’t allowed to consume any alternative media, this included TV shows, movies, the poor thing wasn’t even allowed to explore literature, only things Endeavor and the hero commission approved of. 

Not all heroes were in on this, either. This was something that was kept a confidential secret. Had heroes like Eraserhead, Present Mic, Ms. Joke, or Fatgum just name a few, heard about the exploitation within the hero community, they surely would have left without hesitation. As silly as it sounds, Keigo hoped that he would be saved by one of them. That is until he turned 15 and realized that there really was no getting out of his situation.

Keigo even remembers one time when Endeavor was scolding him in the hallway, his eyes were trained to the ground, his hands were shaky and he was picking at his nails, a bad habit he’d developed while with Enji. He didn’t even do anything! He just forgot that their training session started earlier than usual and he accidentally slept in! He didn’t expect Endeavor to be so angry, but apparently, Enji missed an important meeting while waiting for Keigo.

Keigo didn’t know what to say. He just kept his eyes on the ground until he saw a pair of yellow shoes walk past and stop behind Endeavor. Keigo looked up at the tall person behind Enji, his eyes brightening when he saw who it was. It was All Might! Maybe he’d at least get Endeavor to stop yelling at him, he looked so fragile and hurt by his words, it’d take a fool to not notice.

Toshinori made eye contact with Keigo, turning away immediately when he’d realized Keigo’s attention was on him. He clenched his fists, walking away slowly. Keigo’s mouth fell open, his brows furrowing, bottom lip quivering. 

Even the Symbol Of Peace didn’t care…?

Keigo carried this with him for years. He never liked the man, but this was just the icing on the cake. Now he knew, he really only had himself. No one was going to save him. No one was his friend.

** 

It’d been about two weeks since Keigo met Y/N. Keigo never felt happier, he was friends with someone he had feelings for. He could actually consider someone a friend, something he hasn’t had for a long time. Of course, Endeavor always looked at him with a scowl whenever he’d be out with them, but he didn’t care. He was actually living somewhat like a teenage boy, even if he was 19.

Keigo could explain what he was feeling now. He knew that he was in love with Y/N. He knew that he had feelings for them, he wanted to see them as more than a friend. But he didn’t know how to process it. 

He’d find himself watching what they were doing throughout the day, learning their routines and how they were after each training activity. He could almost sense when something was off, he’d instantly be at their side, asking how he could help.

When Y/N would ask him how he knew something was wrong, he’d just shrug and reply with something along the lines of, “Maybe it’s just something special birds can sense” and it would make them smile, Keigo wanted nothing more than to see that look on their face forever.

When in reality, Keigo knew almost everything about them. He learned it all in the short few weeks, all by watching and listening to what they said. He knew what their favorite color was, what time they’d usually fall asleep, what time they’d usually wake up, what their favorite food was. Keigo kept mental notes about everything they did, everything they said. After all, that’s the least he could do as their future husband, right?

Endeavor did notice Keigo’s behavior becoming worse and worse. Keigo would purposefully hurt himself during training to get Y/N’s attention. They’d always run to his side to give him a bandaid or to help him up, Keigo would just be beaming the entire time they unwrapped the bandaid and placed it on his broken skin. 

That wasn’t even the worst part. As time went on, Keigo would become aggressive when other people would flirt with Y/N. Of course Keigo wouldn’t do it in front of anyone else, but Endeavor wasn’t a damn fool. Some random student would flirt with Y/N while they were training in Endeavor’s building, Keigo would notice and his face would get all red, fists would clench, and then somehow the student would end up slipping over a puddle in the hallways, or they would trip over something in the middle of the running track, or worse.

But of course, at the end of the day, Keigo was the one walking Y/N back to her dorm room, putting on a pretty smile to make it seem like he wasn’t planning something terrible. He was so good at covering his tracks as well, Endeavor had to admit. He knew Keigo was using his feathers to harm people who even so much as looked at Y/N in a way he didn’t like.

The day Endeavor knew it had gone too far was when a group of students were following Y/N around the halls, giggling and making jokes about them. It was comments about how their uniform fit their build, obviously making Y/N uncomfortable. 

It didn’t take long for Keigo to notice, and obviously he’d remembered and made mental notes about who it was harassing what was his. Keigo waited until late, late night, running into one of them on his way to the kitchen. The student was holding a glass of water, glancing up at Keigo when he walked in.

“Hey, you know Y/N, right?” Keigo asked, grabbing a glass from the cabinet. He turned on the tap, waiting for their response. 

He heard the student’s glass clink against the table as they put it down. “Mm, yeah. I know them. Why?” The student was oblivious to what the man was planning in front of him.

Keigo hummed, placing his cup on the table. “What do you think about them?” Keigo sat on the barstool at the table, his face blank as he stared at them. 

The student clicked their tongue as they thought. “Well… I think they’re pretty cute. They seem a little easy, don’t you agree? I think I could get with them.” The student giggled, looking down at their glass.

That is until they felt a sharp object at their neck. One of Keigo’s fucking feathers. Their eyes widened as they looked up at him. “Woah… chill out, man. It was a fucking joke.”

Keigo stood up, walking behind them. “Don’t fucking move. I won’t hesitate to do it. Don’t ever speak about Y/N like that again. They’re mine. If you want to live long enough to become a hero, you’d better leave them alone. They’re mine.”

The student swallowed. “Dude, I’m sorry. Just don’t hurt me.” Their voice grew shaky.

“You’ll fucking leave them alone then?”

“Yeah, dude. Just let me go… I promise I won’t talk to them again.” The student said, clenching their eyes shut.

Keigo took in a deep breath, opening his mouth to speak until he heard someone calling his name.

“Keigo! Stop!” Endeavor yelled at him, yanking at the boy’s shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing?! Call off your feathers.” Endeavor cursed. Surprisingly, Endeavor couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He knew Keigo was going a bit crazy, but he didn’t expect to walk in on him threatening someone’s life. 

Keigo looked up at Endeavor, then back down at the student. He let them go, watching the student almost fall out of their chair trying to get away from him. Keigo turned to Endeavor, crossing his arms.

“I knew what I was do-”

“No. I’ve ignored all of this longer than I should have. You need to take yourself to your dorm, don’t fucking come out until I say you can. This was completely unacceptable. You could have killed that student!”

Keigo blinked. “I wasn’t gonna do it. I just wanted them to leave Y/N alone.” He responded.

Endeavor’s nostrils flared. “Y/N? Are you fucking serious? What you’re doing is crazy. This is not how you show someone that you like them! You need to stop.”

“Marrying someone to breed your children isn’t how you show someone that you like them either.”

Endeavor’s brows raised as he stared at Keigo. “Get out of my face. Do not leave your room until I send for you. Go!” Endeavor pointed down the hall.Endeavor watched him walk away, pressing his lips together. He knew he needed to put an end to this now. He couldn’t just ignore Keigo’s rapidly declining sanity any longer. 

So what did he do? He called All Might and told him that he was sending Y/N somewhere else if he didn’t come and get them. Of course Endeavor wasn’t going to finally sit down and have a talk with Keigo and explain why his behavior was wrong, Endeavor wasn’t his father. Even though the hero commission robed the poor boy of countless life lessons, Endeavor would be damned if he sat down and had a talk with Keigo about his behavior.

**

“His feather? Like it was a knife?” Toshinori stared at Endeavor in disbelief, walking through the hallways with him. It was the next morning, Endeavor wanted to tell Toshinori the full story before he took Y/N.

Endeavor nodded his head. “Yes. I told you, he’s obsessed with them. I don’t know why, it’s like as time went on, he became more and more possessive. I don’t know why he’s acting like this, either.” Endeavor said, taking a sip of the coffee in front of him.

Toshinori looked up from his cup, brows furrowed. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know why he’s acting like this’? You act like you didn’t take his childhood from him, he was forced into hero work, what did you expect? He doesn’t know how to process his feelings because you’re too prideful to sit down and have a conversation with him or teach him about anything.”

Endeavor scoffed. “I’ve already got kids I have to worry about. I can’t go and act like I’m his father, too.” Endeavor told him, sitting back in his chair.

“You don’t even act as a dad towards them. All I’m saying is, if you don’t get that boy in check, you’re just training a villain. Anything that he does will be pinned on you. Not the hero commission, they’ll snitch faster than you can react.” Toshinori stood up from his seat, “I have somewhere to be in a few hours, I’m going to take Y/N back and let them get settled in before we have to leave.” he said, walking to the door of the conference room.

And with that, Toshinori led Y/N to the car he came in, deciding it was best if they didn’t say anything to Keigo.

But Keigo knew. Keigo knew it was Endeavor’s fault they were getting taken away. Keigo knew that Endeavor had something to do with it. He just got the love of his life taken away from him, all because of Endeavor. Keigo wasn’t going to take any of the blame, either. What he did wasn’t even that serious in his mind!

For the next few days, Keigo barely left his room and Endeavor didn’t bother him about it. Endeavor had to admit, he wouldn’t have taken Y/N away so quickly and coldly had Keigo not made that comment about him breeding his children. It was true, but Endeavor couldn’t handle the truth.

And like that, Endeavor watched Keigo shut himself off again. Everyday he woke up with that same dead expression, going back to how he was before. Going back to the ‘normal’ Keigo. Endeavor was just glad he could finish training him how he’d intended, there was no more distraction.

Still, he never seemed like he was the exact same. Like something sparked inside of him. Endeavor just didn’t know this was only the beginning.

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 6 (Nessian AU)

A/N: I'm sooo sorry I haven't been updated in more than two weeks. I had exams :/ Also, do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Language

1572 words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The smile Cassian plastered on his face didn’t reach his eyes. His brothers saw that. Feyre and Elain saw that. Mor and Amren knew that. He himself did. But they didn’t say anything. If it weren’t Feyre’s anniversary, he would’ve even gone home. He couldn’t though. He wouldn’t do anything that would hurt his family. So he stayed. Smiled. Joked. Laughed. Did everything he could to keep his mind from straying to a grey-eyed masterpiece.

Az and Rhys saw, he knew. They always seemed to realise everything about each other. Even if one of them had a minor headache, the other two would know. Tonight, however, none of them pushed him. They probably thought he wanted to be alone. But did he? Truly?

He wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to be alone. That would make memories of their lunch rise. Of her shirt splattered with coffee on one day and blood on another. Of her pale form laying on his bed. Of her, enjoying his food. Of their shared jokes. He didn’t think he could take that.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to be around people either. He didn’t know if he could stay around people who laughed and teased. He didn’t know if he could laugh with them and actually mean it. He didn’t know if he could anytime soon.

Cass glanced at the clock. 3.00 a.m. He smiled. Whenever they gathered around in the living room, retiring early was totally off the table. The earliest they dispersed was four in the morning.

To his right, Rhys sighed. “It’s late,” he said, tucking Feyre close to his side. “Gotta go to bed.”

He smirked, but held back the joke on the tip of his tongue. After a chorus of goodnights, Rhys and Feyre told them they could stay here tonight if they wanted to and rose to go upstairs. Feyre laughed at something Rhys said and Cass felt a pang of sadness hit him.

Sadness… and something else. He knew he shouldn’t, but he envied the both of them. How easily they bantered and teased. How smooth their relationship was. He remembered how Feyre locked herself in the cabin after Rhys proposed. He remembered how she asked Mor not to let anyone in, especially Rhys. He sighed. He felt an amount of the jealousy dissipate. Probably Nesta would get together with him after their slight misunderstanding passed. If it did.

He got up to leave when Az stopped him. “You sure you’re going back?” Cass didn’t remember telling Az that he was going back. Then again he didn't need to. Az always saw everything. “You're not that… somber.”

Ah. Cass smiled. “I'll be fine, ” he reassured. Az still didn't let him go. “I'll send you a text once I'm home,” he tried. Az sighed.

“I'll be waiting for it.”

Cass looked at Mor, drunk and blabbering before stepping out of the house. He kept replaying that memory till he reached home, keeping his mind occupied. He was scared of what would happen if he kept his thoughts idle.

He informed Az that he reached home. He didn't know why going back home felt like preparing for a battle. It probably was a battle. Between her and his self-restraint. What was at stake here was his sanity. Cass sighed. He stepped in through the threshold and welcomed the darkness that enveloped him.

***

Stop crying like a baby, Nesta repeatedly reminded herself. Why should she cry? Nothing here was her fault. Nothing.

Not the fact that she let his charmed smiles bring her guards down. Not the fact that she felt alive when he said something stupidly funny. Certainly not the fact that she was slowly falling for him.

None of it was her fault. So why should she cry? Why should she stop herself from attending her own sister's anniversary? When it was all his fault.

She shouldn't be crying. She should be thinking about ways of exploiting his weaknesses. She should think about how she would portray him as the weak one. She should think about how she was going to make him regret everything.

But how could she make him regret it when she never regretted a second of it? She hated that this was where her thoughts went first. To scheming and plotting. She thought she changed. Did she regret her wish to be good? No. She reveled in it. No, she vowed herself, I would not scheme to make him beg. I'm not that Nesta anymore. I'll never be.

She was proud of herself. She never realised her self restraint was this good.

But apparently not good enough. Her thoughts drifted back to him. No, not him. Cassian. Cauldron, it'll take some time to get used to calling him Cassian. Or maybe Cass. Feyre and Rhysand called him that. Probably she would too. She thought about what he called her. Nes. She flushed. That stupid name did stupid things to her. She pretended she didn't like it. In fact, she loved it. Somehow, she wasn't ready to tell him that yet.

***

Nesta blinked open her eyes against the morning light. Her eyes were closed? It was morning already? Huh.

It took her some time for her eyes to adjust. She screamed at what she saw. Nesta scrambled back from the looming figure of Tomas, leering at her face.

“Nesta, Nesta, ” he said in his eerie voice. It became scarier with his sing-song tone. “My Nesta.” He paused. “Though I suppose you aren't mine anymore. You were still mine last time, you know. When you handed me over to the police. ”

She bared her teeth, opened her mouth to say something when his hand closed around her throat.

“But now, I suppose I can't call you mine anymore, can I? That reminds me. Where is your bodyguard? Or is that brute your boyfriend?” He spat the last word. His hand tightened around her neck.

“Do you know what he did to me? Your bastard. Did you know how he threatened me? Did you know that he smashed my bones, that it took me this long to heal?”

Some sort of savage satisfaction filled her. The fact that Cassian did all this… she smirked. It didn't go unnoticed by Tomas. He growled, the sound sending icy fingers ghosting down her spine. She hoped she didn't have to hear it again.

His hand around her throat pushed her farther back on the bed. He drew back, she let loose a relieved breath. A mistake.

His hand cracked on her cheek. He came infinitely closer to her, his hot, rancid breath glancing off her cheeks. His hand kept tightening around her throat and she wondered how she wasn’t dead yet. It was certainly bruised now.

“Look at you. So vulnerable. So killable. I’ve imagined how I would slit your throat. So many ideas. If only I could kill you in all the ways I imagined. But do you know what is the best way I could kill you?”

Nesta let him talk. He loved to hear himself talk. She subtly looked around her room, searching for anything she could use as a weapon. She looked back at Tomas. He wasn’t talking. Did he ask her a question?

“Tell me, Nesta. Do you know what is the best way to kill you?” Nesta shook her head, his hand pressed around her throat. Tomas smiled. She cringed mentally.

“I think the best way to kill you and make it hurt is to kill you slowly. You know what makes it better? Having that bastard watch you die. Let him watch the life seep out of you. And then I’ll kill him too.” he said and she felt the room closing in. Panic was slowly rising in her.

“Now, now,” he said. She supposed he meant to be cajoling but the effect his voice gave was the exact opposite. “There’s no need to panic. I told you I’ll kill you only when your bodyguard is there.”

He pulled out a knife. She gasped and pain erupted around her throat. Her lungs were burning.

“But darling,” he said. She whimpered. She hated this. She hated that she was vulnerable here. She hated that she couldn’t do anything when her death was slowly nearing. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Then his knife struck. Nothing hurt at first. Then, fiery pain whipped through her, beginning at her arm. She screamed. Pain. There was so much pain. She screamed so loud she pondered how the whole neighborhood didn’t hear anything.

***

Nesta gasped. Her eyes darted through her room. Nothing. No one. She looked at her arm. No pain. No scars. No blood. She touched her throat. It wasn’t sore. It wasn’t swollen. She got out of bed and looked at her mirror. No bruises. She let out a frustrated sound. It was a dream. A fucking dream. Or she supposed it was a nightmare. Still. It wasn’t real.

It was still five in the morning. Still quite early. She released a breath. She wouldn’t find a cab now but she could walk. It wasn’t that far. She fixed her hair and changed her clothes. She wasn’t going because she missed him. She just didn’t want to be vulnerable again. That’s all. She just wanted to know how to defend herself. Nothing else. So Nesta went to Cassian’s house, hoping that she’s making the right choice.

taglist: @shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @nehemikkele @angelic-voice-1997 @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @irenethaleia @deedz-thrillerkilller16 @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella @ganseys-jane

[ranpoismyblorbo]

Songs as book characters: A Series

(did I absolutely and totally steal this idea from @wraithnknives ?? Yes. Yes I did. Am I sorry?? No. No I am not (unless of course she has a problem with in which case im very very sorry I'll stop rn-)

Brutal as the Crows

I'm so insecure I think

That I'll die before I drink

And I'm so caught up in the news

Of who likes me and who hates you

All of the crows are insecure about something in their lives for example Wylan is insecure about whether he actually belongs with them or not, Nina is insecure about whether she is betraying her country by her actions, same for Matthias and so on

They are all always on the alert for any news about the ongoings of people in the Barrel because they have to be, because one tiny gap in information could end up taking someone's life.

And I'm so tired that I might

Quit my job start a new life

And they'd all be so disappointed

Cuz who am I if not exploited

These lines just really remind me of Inej because she often thinks about just leaving and letting the Dregs chase her for retribution because she is just so tired of being the Wraith and she actually feels like the Crows (specifically Kaz) just keep her around because she's useful and that's how it's supposed to be anyways so she can't complain.

And I'm so sick of 17

Where's my fucking teenage dream

If someone tells me one more time

"Enjoy your youth" I'm gonna cry

I mean.....do I REALLY need to explain this one?? It's kinda obvious-

And I don't stick up for myself

I'm anxious and nothing can help

These two lines just remind me of Wylan and how he continuously feels like he doesn't belong here and let's be honest he's the softest of the six (in a "hardened criminal" way not a "can't handle a situation" way)

And I wish I'd done this before

And I wish people liked me more

Idk who this is about specifically but idk it just gives me the vibes ok (although the "I wish I'd done this before" part kinda feels like either Wylan finally actively going against his dad or Inej finally using her trauma and what she used to do to cope (disappear into herself) as a weapon)

All I did was try my best

This the kind of thanks I get

Unrelentlessly upset

So........all of them and their entire lives.

They say these are the golden years

But I wish I could disappear

Ego crushes so severe

God, it's brutal out here

The same thing, everyone says that our teen years are the best years or "golden" years of our lives but that wasn't the case for them (and honestly not most people)

"Ego crushes so severe" is an absolute Kaz line everytime his plans deviated or had to be changed quickly in SoC/CK. And the brutal part is again clear.

I feel like no one wants me

And I hate the way I'm percieved

The first line is Jesper because of everything he has done and all the trouble he has got his father into and how he's disappointed in himself.

The second line is Inej because while she is always satisfied when she is anticipated or feared/made preparations for by a rival, she still doesn't like her name in the Barrel, the Wraith and she doesn't like being a killer but has had to be. Also she is disappointed in herself for being satisfied whenever she gets a win in any way as the Wraith because she feels her parents wouldn't love her anymore because of it.

I only have two real friends

And lately I'm a nervous wreck

They all only have true friends in each other and let's be honest they were all absolutely on edge at basically all points of time during the events of the duology (except Jesper, he was only on edge (in a nervous way) once his dad was involved lol)

Cuz I love people I don't like

Helnik anyone??

And I hate every song I write

And I'm not cool and I'm not smart and I can't even parallel park

I have no clue for the first one but the second one is how Wylan feels around them because he feels like he doesn't belong and continuously asks himself what he's doing there

All I did was try my best.......It's brutal out here

It's a repeat

Got a broken ego, broken heart

And God I don't even know where to start

So at the end of SoC/beginning of CK everyone was really sad and angry etc because of Inej's kidnapping and Kaz was absolutely broken hearted and none of them knew where exactly to start planning (I mean ok Kaz DID make a plan but you get my point)

Anyways idk I was listening to this while trying to take a nap and I suddenly got this idea (it WAS in my Six of Crows playlist but I got THIS idea just then) so yea idk I feel good about this lol

[depressedtransguy]

im tired so I can’t think of a threat but if you read this and you’re not @angelwiththeblue-box ue-box then I’ll cut off your uvula and make you drown in your own blood

Anthony was just stepping out of the Sanctum when he got the call on his glasses. They buzzed gently against his face as his sister's name flashed right in front of his eyes, reminding him that his sister was the only person connected to his spectacles. And she only called him for one thing. "I will thank every god in the multiverse if you tell me right now that you're not in prison again," Anthony whispered with a seething rage as he answered the call, his fingers flexing on a stress ball.

Her overly long silence wasn't comforting. I'm in prison again.

Not knowing whether to scream or break things, Anthony just inhaled sharply as his stress ball popped. "Frigga, I'm about to go on a date! With Atreo! Remember, the Greek god of a man that I'm somehow dating?"

I remember.

"Is there at least not anyone there who's going to immediately kill you? Can you wait a night? Please?"

There was a huff from the other end. You're going to leave your sister in prison for a night to have sex with a mortal?

"Well he doesn't make me break him out of space prison!!" Frigga was right of course. He had to help her. And normally he didn't mind it, it was cracking codes and breaking laws, two of his favorite things, but Atreo was... hot. And Anthony was gay. It was unfair. But like the message of every single Fast and the Furious movie, family came first. "Fine. I'll help. But you owe me big time."

Okay okay, I owe you I owe you, just help me get out of here.

So with the gay side of his mind screaming at him to go hook up with a man carved out of stone, he teleported into his lab and plopped down into his swivel chair with a huff, then letting it roll him over to his main computer. "What prison are you at?" He started up the monitor and tossed his destroyed stress ball over his shoulder.

The Xandarian one.

Anthony groaned. "Again? Stop going to Xandar! They know you're a war criminal!"

It was just a little treason, don't be such a bitch.

"It's not the crimes, it's the fact that you keep going to the places where you know you'll be arrested. I'm a felon on at least 12 planets, but at least I'm smart enough to avoid them," Anthony pointed out, tapping the correct coordinates into the computer before dragging out the 3D model of the building and spinning it around in his hands. "But I guess it's better than one we've never broken out of before. Even though you'll probably be locked up twice as much and have three times as many guards making sure you don't get out. Fun. Really really fun." Anthony double tapped the side of his glasses to increase the volume on her end. "Where are you right now?"

I'm in line for my mugshot. My wrists are locked together with power dampers and there's a guard ready to taser me if I take a wrong step, but besides that I'm pretty free. So I was able to tap the piece with my shoulder and they just think I'm crazy talking to myself. Same place as last time.

The young scientist increased the size of the hologram prison until he spotted the room she was talking about and he then pulled it out before pushing it back into the computer. The camera footage from that room immediately popped up. Due to Frigga being arrested so frequently, he had already programmed the entire hologram with the codes needed to access both their camera and security system. It just made the whole process a lot simpler. "Alright I'm in." Anthony rolled forward in the chair and squinted at the monitor, increasing the picture with two outstretched fingers until he could zoom in on where his sister stood waiting for her mugshot to be taken next. "Oh my god, you put up another fight didn't you?"

...Maybe.

With a groan Anthony leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You may be powerful Frigga, but you, with your wrists and neck locked, and your powers suppressed, and four Xandarian guards surrounding you, you absolutely will not win in any situation." And it was obvious she didn't win that time either. A black ring was around her eye with blood dripping down her philtrum and her chin, as well as what appeared to be another bruise on her left cheekbone.

Says the guy with more scars to mark his battles than me.

She was right. She was. But that didn't mean he liked it. "This isn't about my problems right now, this is about yours," Anthony pointed out. "Focus on listening to directions. I don't want you to get hit again." Even though she was messing up his date, that's not how he wanted to get revenge on her. He already had a better plan that was calming his anger just from knowing they'd be even in the end.

You're not breaking me out now?

"Surrounded by guards and other unstable patients and chained up to your ass? I'm not stupid. Just trust me, I know what I'm doing."

A sigh came from her end. Fine. But I need to get a new prison breakout guy. My current one's too slow.

Anthony laughed back. If he was suffering emotionally, then she could too. It was only fair. "I'm the best in the business honey, don't underestimate me. And I don't make you pay me. Calculating the exact price of a hacker-if we ignore the fact that they would have to be available for you at any time since you get arrested way more than the average person-with the amount of times I've helped you out, including now, that adds up to about... $14,191. And we're poor."

Fuck you.

"Fuck you too, I'm out of fourteen hundred dollars and a date. Now just pretend to be obedient for the next 20 minutes and I'll get you out."

I still hate you.

"I hate you too."

The siblings fell into silence as Frigga's arm was grabbed and she was then pushed onto the platform, right in front of the electronic height measurer that all mugshots had for some reason. In her flat shoes she rose up to the marking of 6' 1". Which did annoy Anthony a bit, as he sort of received the short end of the stick when it came to tall genetics, but he swallowed his jealousy and listened to what the officers had to say while she was scanned and her pictures were taken. ACAB might be true, but they did have some pretty interesting banter.

She's back again? one guard, who Anthony nicknamed 'Terry' on the spot, commented with a hint of sarcasm.

Yep, the other guard, nicknamed 'Jake', responded with a small *pop* on the 'p'. The bounty's big on her, I'm surprised she wasn't handed over sooner.

Well she's escaped out of here thrice, so she's obviously got some tricks up her sleeves.

Jake let out a low whistle. Three times? That's gotta be a record.

It is. She just... slips through our fingers every single time. I don't know how she does it. Maybe with an accomplice or something, something that our camera's can't detect, maybe a brother or a parent or a friend, but there's no way they'll get through this a fourth time.

The two space cops laughed and assumedly bumped their fists together based on the small popping noise that came from the other end. Anthony only smirked and then tuned out their annoying voices when it moved to annoying prison stuff to then jot down the information typed out on the wall where she stood, describing her ethnicity, criminal background (there was a lot of that), special powers, descriptive marks, etc etc. He didn't look up when she was told to turn to her side.

You're paying attention, right? I can hear you writing something, Frigga suddenly interrupted.

"I have to record all the information they have on you to figure out if it can possibly be exploited. I'm organized Frigga, and anything can be important."

Frigga just groaned. Just get me out.

"Patience... is a virtue."

Patience can kiss my ass.

"You can kiss your ass goodbye if you don't shut up and follow the guards; I can see them looking at you." Although it was mostly to shut her up, he technically was telling the truth, as one of the guards broke out from the group to grab Frigga's bicep and pull her away from the mugshot space. Normal prisoners moved on their own with guards nearby, but three time escapists were snatched and moved on their own. Which Frigga wasn't used to, nor did she like. If Anthony wasn't there to bargain with her for her peace she definitely would have put up another fight and made practically everything ten times harder for herself. "I'll lead your escape plan in the direction of killing that guard," he offered as a reward if she stayed calm. A pretty useful tactic that both of them used on each other whenever something that they weren't good at was involved and needed to be done.

And it worked as usual. Frigga just huffed and pushed her shoulders back in order to hold her head high as she was walked toward where she would be temporarily staying, knowing she'd get to slaughter the person manhandling her in the end. Anthony followed them through the different rooms along the different security cameras.

More and more shackles were added as they went. A muzzle slapped on that thankfully still let her speak, new and bigger handcuffs, legs chained together to be dragged along the floor, and a full on torso restraint, all with Frigga looking more and more annoyed. It was actually pretty funny. Not that Anthony would say that aloud since he knew she'd just get (rightfully) mad. Although he had clicked record a minute prior and planned to laugh his ass off in front of her later. Once no one's life (but his) was in danger.

Eventually there were enough chains on her and she had reached her single containment facility, so while one guard lifted her up from the ground, the other opened the door for her to be thrown inside like a sack of potatoes before they then slammed it shut. At that Anthony had to laugh audibly at.

Oh fuck off.

"You didn't- they just- they just fucking threw you-" Anthony struggled out, wheezing through the words due to how hard he was laughing. It was so fucking funny. "You should have seen yourselffff."

Get me out of prison quicker so I can kill you quicker.

Anthony had to take another minute or two to stop laughing before he could actually get to work. "Alright, could you describe your surroundings? I have no quick way of getting in there."

Fine. I'm in a small, most likely vibranium room, about four feet by ten feet by... 12 feet. There are some sort of magnets in the back that connect to the chains' padlocks, so as soon as I was tossed in they snapped together, so now I'm hung up kinda like Jesus Christ on the cross. The room besides the door is bare.

"Any cracks above or below the door?"

Not a thing. They really don't want me to get out of here.

"But you will. Could you describe your chains to me? I didn't get a good look when I was watching you before."

The links are about three inches across, the metal an inch thick, and the cuffs are as heavy as Jeff, being almost four inches up and one and a half inches thick. They cover most of my forearms. The color is... a dark gray with a little hint of navy blue. Uh, I should paint this scene. I think I could really piss some Christians off with it because no joke, I'm exactly positioned like Jesus was in the El Greco pai-

Silence followed for a few seconds. Anthony was planning on telling her to focus once her sentence was done and comment on her mention of Jeff, their childhood 15 pound cat, but the end of it never came. So he just zoomed in on the door and increased the volume on her side once more. "Frigga? Come in Frigga."

There wasn't even silence on the other end. Static started to come through. "What the-" Anthony's work didn't produce static. His inventions and creations didn't create static. Ever. "Frigga tell me this is a joke, what's going on?" There had been no movement at the door, and as he was forced to take Frigga's word about the room's layout, there was no other entrance to it. "Frigga. Come on."

The only reason he was snapped out of the repeated cycle of him adjusting his glasses and repeating his sister's name was because his other senses perked up and he caught the feeling of a presence behind him. A certainly unfamiliar one. But before he could even turn or react, he was snatched from behind and his whole world went black.

~~

Frigga was being manhandled again when she woke up. "Ugh, did you dickheads knock me out again?" she hissed as she twisted in her shackles, surprised to be out of her personal prison with no warning, but still angered. "I was thinking about painting, asshole." She was struck in the face (as expected) for her rudeness. At least Anthony didn't scold her for it. Could you do your best to not piss everyone off while you're vulnerable? That would be great, is what he always said. As your doctor I have to tell you that it's a stupid ass thing to do. But he said nothing.

In fact there was no sound at all from Anthony. Not even breathing. Just static...

Wait. "What's your name?" the guard holding her up by her biceps demanded before she could properly think about where her brother was. "Who are you?"

"Who am I? You guys have arrested me four times! In fact I should be asking you that, are you a new hire or something? I didn't see you the last time I was here."

The guard brought his arm back to hit her again, but that time the other one stopped him. "Her sleeve is torn. She's telling the truth; she has been arrested multiple times."

"Then explain why she isn't in the system!"

"I can't. But she's not lying, so you shouldn't hit her. Let's just bring her to the mugshot area, get a photo, and then put her in the hardcore containment facility so we can figure this stuff out on our own," he bargained with the more unstable guard.

The guard did agree after a bit more negotiating, and soon enough Frigga was brought back to the mugshot area and positioned on it. It didn't look like the same one she was in just minutes earlier. Well, it looked... similar? Yet... outdated. Like the old system they used to use. She didn't say anything aloud, as she knew that would just get her hit again, but she tried to imprint the oddities in her mind as best she could. Dammit why did Anthony get Dad's photographic memory?! she mentally hissed as details vanished from her brain almost seconds after. Why do I have to be forgetful?

"Turn."

"Yeah yeah, I know I know," Frigga grumbled, reluctantly doing as told and then eyeing the information they were presenting about her on the screen. Some of it was from the identifying marks and tears on her clothing, like her escapist status and such, but most of it had come from the special type of scanner that The Kyln owned that could identify everything from hidden objects on the body down to a being's DNA. Hers was correctly listed as 50% Terran, 50% Jotunn. Her ear piece wasn't recognized just like Anthony had designed. But, in an odd turn of events, none of her powers were listed as they usually were. Not one.

After the scan was done, leaving both the guards and the young demi-god with more questions than answers, Frigga was grabbed by the bicep and led over to a containment facility. Not her usual single one, but a seemingly group one with approximately 13 more people inside. Only a few had handcuffs. And no chains were added to her, leaving her completely open spare her wrists, which was a ridiculous oversight on their part. (There had been a lot of weird oversights on their part by then.) At least it would be an easy break out. "Anthony, are you there?"

No answer.

Frigga bent her arms and reached over to press into the ear piece in case it accidentally got turned off when she was passed out. She said her brother's name again, ignoring the looks she got from other hardened criminals inside. "If you're fucking with me you are so dead when I get home."

"Hey crazy, stop talking to yourself, some of us are trying to nap here."

The familiar voice made Frigga stop in her action and turn toward it. "Rocket?" The other guardians also laying down looked up at the call of his name. "What- what are you all doing here? You're supposed to be in New Asgard."

They all looked extremely confused. "What? Look, lady, I don't know who the hell you are or what New Asgard is," Rocket continued, reluctantly pushing up to his paws and rubbing out the flat spot in his fur, "so I guess I'd prefer for you to talk to 'Anthony' because what you're doing now is creeping me out even more."

"Okay- no. I'm not the crazy one here. Everyone and everything has been weird, and now you guys too? Come on, this isn't fair."

"Hey, isn't New Asgard that place where Thor was living before he joined us?" Quill questioned as he too sat up.

Rocket only groaned. "Great, let's get more people in on this conversation. Peter, please don't enable her, she's obviously lost her head."

"What do you mean she lost her head, her head's right there on her shoulders!" Drax chimed in, getting up and gently shaking her back and forth with a grip on her shoulder to show that her head was really on there.

Frigga was used to Drax's typical maneuvering and his deafness to sarcasm, so him moving her back and forth was the least of her worries at that point. It was the others. "Mantis, come on, you remember me, right?" Frigga said in exasperation, being the only one in the room who was completely lost making her a bit worked up. Especially since she didn't have Anthony in her ear. He was always with her when she was arrested; in one way or another.

Mantis seemed to sense this and walked over to press her open palm to her revealed bicep. "You feel... desperate."

"Well I am desperate because I'm the only sane one here but you're all looking at me as if I'm the crazy one. Rocket, Quill, Drax, Mantis... Groot! Come on, you all know me," she went on, just waiting and practically praying that one of them would grin and tell her it was just a stupid joke. But that didn't happen. In fact the only change in their expressions was Groot looking up and murmuring something about it being too loud for him to play his game. "Oh come on!" With a huff she plopped down on the floor and rested her head against the wall's cool steel, bending her elbows again to cover her eyes with her hands and hoping that it would all just disappear. But, as one might guess, that didn't happen, and in fact she felt someone move over and sit next to her. Most likely out of pity.

It was Quill, of course. "What's your name?"

Maybe they were hit with some memory loss thing. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation. So Frigga opened her eyes and turned her head toward him. "Frigga."

His eyes widened a bit and Frigga got a little too excited. "Do you finally recognize me?"

"No- sorry, but that's just this- guy that I know's mother's name. Frigga," he gently explained with a slight blush and a nervous scratch at the back of his head.

The movements were a little confusing at first, but then Frigga realized that they were coming from the mention of Thor, and didn't have to do with her at all. But why would he act like that? Thor and he had been dating for decades. Since before she and her brother were born. She and baby Anthony were at their wedding. He was in a little blue tux and she in a little green dre- wait a fucking second. "Quill... What year is it?"

"What do you mean? It's 2024. What else would it be?"

Frigga gasped and jumped to her feet. It all clicked at once. Why the guards didn't know her. Why all the technology and architecture seemed older and outdated. Why her own uncle and the guardians didn't recognize her. She hadn't even been born yet. But the only question still there was... how? And also, why? But in order to have a prayer at answering those questions, she had to get back to Earth where she knew the Avengers as well as her parents would be. Although they technically weren't her parents yet. God are they even dating yet? It didn't matter. She just needed to get there and hope that Anthony was there too. The only problem (besides every other problem that she had) was that she had never escaped a prison without him before. They could only do it with each other. It seemed like a major roadblock... until she glanced over at the raccoon.

"Hey, Rocket, could you remind me again of how many prison's you've broken out of?"

Rocket, who had clearly been trying to ignore them but was just accepting his fate as his name was called once more, turned toward them with crossed arms. "About 24. What's it to ya?"

A small smile spread over Frigga's face. "And how many times out of here?"

"Just the one."

"Great. If you bring me to Earth, I'll help you get out."

He scoffed as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "And why would I need your help out of here?"

"Because I've escaped here three times myself. And, you don't have Gamora, nor is Groot an adult as he was last time. Earth isn't even that far from here, just a few jumps, so why not pad your escape with me- a demi-god by the way -and just take me there in return?" she bargained, getting more and more calm and excited as her thoughts clicked together. Sure, everything was still weird, but at least she was able to get a grip on her situation.

Based on his extremely annoyed expression, Rocket knew that she was right and that they could use the help, yet was extremely reluctant to admit it. "Demi-god? We already got a half celestial, I don't think we need any more half- things," he tried to point out.

But Quill was on her side. "No, no, I think we should hear her out. Especially since I don't even have the powers of a half celestial anymore. If she's escaped from here three times then she could really be a big help for us. They've changed a lot of things since we were last here, and we're in a new area. And, although I'm not sure how she knows about Gamora and Groot, she's right about that too."

Rocket snarled as Frigga smirked and raised her arms up at him in a shrug. "The man's got a point."

"That man is also an idiot. But fine. You can join us, and we'll bring you to Earth."

Frigga grinned wider as Rocket moved closer and removed what seemed to be some sort of bobby pin from the back of his head, making her cuffs fall off in under a minute. She rubbed her sore wrists and thanked him. "We should probably pick up Thor from Earth anywhere, I'm pretty sure he's still there with the Avengers," Quill pointed out as he joined them and glanced at the red rings on her skin. "Why were those so tight?"

"Well, due to my powers they need to restrict me so I don't just slaughter them all and escape like that, and they usually do that with overly tight power dampers," she explained to him as she continued to try to get the blood flowing normally back into her hands. "You get used to it. Especially since they get steadily tighter and tighter due to the guards' fear in me increasing every time. I killed a bunch last time so the chains applied doubled. Until I woke up in 2024 of course, but I'm ignoring that for now."

Quill very obviously had no idea what she was talking about, but as he wasn't one to judge with making sense he just smiled at her. "Good, you can do it again."

"After this stunt? Fuck yeah I'm going it again."

<finish prison scene and go to anthony>

Stephen had no idea why he was being called to Avengers Tower. Except for the occasional meeting that he was forced to attend that he usually managed to escape early from, he had never been asked to go to their living and working quarters. So he couldn't imagine what the problem was. "What's the situation and how can I get out of it quicker?" was the first thing that fell out of his mouth once he stepped out of the portal. He was met with the stares of all six Avengers and Loki. Great. "What the hell happened?"

"We found a kid."

Definitely not what Stephen expected Tony to say. "What?!"

"Okay that was a shitty explanation. Just look." The group parted to reveal a body rested on their couch with handcuffs around his unconscious wrists. The only indicator that he was alive was the small rise and fall of his chest. He looked young, easily 18, with dark brown hair that slightly fell over his forehead, and glasses over eyes of a hidden color. Stephen noticed most of all was that he had two thick scars on the dorsal side of his hands; one for each. "We found him in our meeting room. There's no identifying items on him, and his fingerprints aren't in the database, so we have basically no idea who he is."

"So what can I do?" Stephen questioned.

"Ask Loki. He's the one who requested you."

Only then did Stephen look up to lock eyes with his fellow sorcerer. One that he had never really gotten along with. "You?"

"To be fair I didn't request you, I just said it would be useful to have another magic user here. John Doe here has magic practically radiating off of him," Loki tried to explain without making it seem like he wanted Stephen there, hints of forced annoyance and real nervousness leaking through. The 'John Doe' reference was imprinted in the sorcerer supreme's mind without a clear reason. Since when does he know Midgardian terms? "Can't you sense it?"

Stephen could. There was a large amount of power coming from him. "It's a multitude of different types. I can't even distinguish them; they're all so mixed up."

Loki agreed. "I was planning on picking through his memories, but due to the mixture of magic and power, I thought it'd be more safe if I waited for you to hold him down if anything goes wrong." An uncomfortable amount of silence passed between the two, unknown whether to continue genuinely or be sarcastic and snarky. "Not that I think you're capable of it, but you're sort of better than nothing."

There it was. The Avengers looked around at each other as they were described as 'nothing', the sorcerers forgetting about anything that wasn't the other, as usual. "You're very kind, Loki," Stephen drawled out with a sarcastic smile.

"I am, aren't I?" With that he jumped over the couch and kneeled down next to the body, gingerly going to place his fingers on his forehead.

But just as they brushed his skin the entire tower shook lightly and made everyone look up. FRIDAY spoke up to fill them in. The Guardians have arrived, sir. And they have a guest on board.

"Well that was quick," Thor murmured under his breath. "They're getting better at escaping."

"Were they in prison again?" Bruce questioned.

Thor nodded back. "I'll go greet them, you guys stay here and figure out his identity." With a small wave the god of thunder then left the room, and all other attendants watched until he left the room and then they all turned back toward the boy on the couch. Except- oh. Fuck.

"Where did he go?" Loki whispered.

"I'm right here."

The entire group swiveled to see the boy formerly laying on the couch sitting in a chair behind them all, his legs and arms crossed tightly, handcuffs done, and a stern expression on his face. "And I'd like to know what the hell is going on."

"You're the one who somehow got into our tower, why don't you explain it to us?" Clint shot back.

The boy only looked at him with a face void of all amusement. And with eyes that were a colored a blood red.

[chikkou]

Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true 

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them. 

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER. 

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors. 

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after. 

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence. 

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be. 

[thebluenoteblog]

Give me That Title

Summary: You have been hooking up with Colton for months and though you have feeling for him you’ve known since the beginning what your relationship with him is. You’re okay with it. You’re also okay with being perpetually single. That is until you meet someone that makes you want to date for the first time in a while. Though Colton’s reaction to hearing about your date... well that’s more surprising than the fact that you decided to go on a date in the first place.

Player: Colton Parayko

Word Count: 5.1k

*Inspired by Meghan Trainor’s Title*

I know girls ain’t hard to find

If you think you want to try

Than consider this an invitation

To kiss my ass goodbye

You were on the floor in front of your floor length mirror, with makeup spread out on the floor all around you when your phone buzzed. You paused with the mascara wand next to your eye, finished what you were doing, reinserted the wand into the tube, screwed on the cap and then picked up your phone already having a pretty good idea of who it was.

Colton had just gotten back in town from his road trip earlier that day and odds were he wasn’t in the mood to go out partying tonight. He wanted someone to come to him. The most recent notification on your phone, right above a few from the NHL app was indeed a text message from Colton. You had been his most regular hook up for the past seven months and at some point, in that time he had given you his phone number when he got tired of dealing with snapchat.

If you were being fair, the two of you did a lot of talking to. If someone were to scroll through your text messages they would never know that you were just some twenty-one-year-old girl who had gotten caught up in a lifestyle that you had no business in. They would probably think that you and Colton were friends. Friends who just hung out a lot late at night.

You unlocked your phone, opened the text and scanned the message. You busy?

You glanced up into the mirror, at your half-done makeup. Yes.

His response was fast, like he’d been waiting for it. No, really. Do you want to come over?

Okay, if you were being fair, it was a very rare occasion that you passed him up on an offer to come over. You always responded to his messages and you were basically at his beck and call. Your only serious obligation was your college courses. Your work hours were pretty much ‘come and go as you please’ and so you did. Whenever Colton asked. He knew when you were in class and he knew it wasn’t now.

Being tied to a man who had no intention of ever committing to you wasn’t a huge issue for you. Committing your time to him wasn’t either because he was gone so much and spent so many nights out with the team that you could still have friends and a life of your own. Besides, you would be lying if you said you hadn’t hooked up with a few other people in the beginning just as he had. You assumed he still did, but you didn’t bother anymore, the sex didn’t compare.

Then two weeks ago, you met Chase. You were sitting at a coffee shop on Main Street, enjoying your tea when he had walked in. He’d sat down on the couch beside you as he drank his coffee. He turned to you, stared at your Blues t-shit for a moment and then said, “Can you believe how badly the Blues got it handed to them last night?”

You’d spent two hours talking after that, about anything and everything. He’d asked you out. You’d given him your number. Now you sat in front of your mirror getting ready for the first real date you’d been on in over a year since you had broken off your engagement and sitting there, on that couch next to Chase, in his faded St. Charles County Firefighter t-shirt, you’d realized something.

This thing with Colton wasn’t enough anymore. You wanted a real relationship. Someone you could imagine a future with and not roll your eyes at yourself for being ridiculous. Someone who would really love you and not just love getting you naked. Someone who saw in you whatever it was that Chase saw that made his eyes light up when he talked to you that day.

You wanted someone who would someday ask you to marry them. You would buy a house together. Make one of those salt plaster ornaments with your first house key to put on the tree that you would decorate together every year. Build a fence in the backyard for your dog and your kids to run around.

Maybe that would be Chase, maybe it would be the next guy you went out with, or the next. Maybe you would find him a year from now. But you knew one thing for sure. No matter how much you wanted him to be, no matter how much you loved Colt, he was never going to be that guy.

He would never commit to a girl who looked like you.

Hell, you didn’t think he was ready to commit at all, despite how nice of a guy he was and his picture-perfect image. He enjoyed living it up, he enjoyed his parties, he enjoyed his bunnies. A girlfriend would cramp his style.

You glanced down at your phone and saw that ten minutes had passed, you needed to hurry up and get your makeup done and you still had Colton to deal with. I can’t. I’m going out tonight.

Again, he responded before you could pick up your mascara to finish your other eye, so he must not have been doing anything. He was probably laying on the couch watching TV. Oh. Are you going out with (Y/F/N)?

You didn’t really think about what you were typing before you just hit send, you just did it and then dropped your phone before going back to your makeup. This time you finished all of your eye makeup and were on to your lips when your phone eventually buzzed.

It wasn’t until you picked it up that you read what you had sent him and actually felt a little bad. You knew you both saw other people. You knew you weren’t a couple and you were both free to do whatever you wanted, but neither of you ever made a point of talking about it. You only knew about it his exploits from the girls who bragged about it online and occasionally posted pictures of them together to corroborate their stories. No, (Y/F/N) is out of town. I have a date tonight.

He’d responded five minutes later with. You have a date?

You glanced at the message, not sure how to respond at first then decided on simply, Yeah, he’s really nice.

The dots appeared and then disappeared about five times before they stayed long enough for him to type out his response. You never go on dates.

You rolled your eyes. Leave it to a guy in the NHL to think he had a girl locked down because she didn’t go on other dates for a little while even though he was still fucking other people. I decided that I want something real. Is that so bad?

You finished your makeup and made it out to your car before he responded. I guess not.

If it ain’t no thing

Then I won’t be hangin around

But don’t be blowin up my shit at three am

Sayin how you need me now

You had now been out on two dates with Chase and Colton had coincidently texted asking you to come over as you were walking out the door to get into Chase’s truck the night you went out with him for the second time. He’d taken your rejection slightly less… diplomatically this time which was uncharacteristic for him. You’d only turned him down a handful of times, but you could never remember him being upset. He’d always continued to talk to you until one of you got too busy to hold up the conversation. This time though, he was clearly upset.

Can you come over? I have food that I shouldn’t be eating that you would love.

You smiled when you read the message, because it almost sounded like he was inviting you over for a date even though you knew that wasn’t what it was. You could still dream. Then you remembered that outside your apartment complex, Chase was waiting for you.

I’m sorry, I’d love to but I’m busy tonight. Raincheck?

He’d responded quickly like he didn’t even think about what he was saying before he said it, Big date tonight?

You narrowed your eyes at the phone. What’s that supposed to mean?

You waited for his response before you walked outside into the bitter February air. Nothing. I just wanted you to come over.

Now it was three in the morning and you were lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. Still thinking about how uncharacteristically spiteful Colton had been that night. Then your phone went off for the first time. You ignored it, because, well, it was three in the morning. But then ten minutes later it went off again. And five minutes after that it went off again. Not five minutes passed before there was another. Then soon after another alert. Finally, you sat up in a huff, grabbing the phone off your bedside table and unlocking it to see the notifications.

All messages from Colton and he appeared to be drunk. Very drunk.

(Y/N) r u home

i miss u

u should com over

r u still with him

u should be here instead

You squeezed your eyes shut then opened them to make sure you were reading the messages correctly. Is that why he had been so spiteful that night? Was Colt… jealous? You couldn’t go over to his house now, because regardless of what you suspected, nothing had changed. He wasn’t going to commit to you. He wasn’t going to give you that house together or the Christmas tree with the first key ornaments or the kids running around in the backyard. It just wasn’t in the cards for them. Besides, he was drunk off his ass right now. He would never, in a million years send u or r in place or you or are if he wasn’t well past the legal limit.

Colton, go to sleep. You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying.

The dots appeared right away but it took him awhile to type the message.

i no wht im saying i miss u com over ur with him arnt u

It took you a moment to decipher the message but when you did, you sighed and responded carefully. Colt, I’ve been home since 10:00. I can’t come over, its already three in the morning and you’re so drunk you’ll be passed out by the time I get there. You won’t even be able to let me in.

He didn’t like that answer. ill take a shower to sober up before u get here

Colton.

fine goodnight

You sighed again, Goodnight Colt.

Don’t call me boo

Like your some kind of ghost

If you don’t want me seeing other guys,

Then here’s what you need to know

Come stay tonight.

It was just those three words. The team was leaving for a road trip and they had the next day off. You had always in the past cleared your schedule on those days for him if he asked you to. The two of you would stay in bed all day, you would cook for him when you got hungry and he would leave for the roadie the next day relaxed and happy. This had started off as an occasional arrangement but had become a routine and now almost every time he had a day off in town, this was the plan.

You cleared your schedule.

When you got to his house with your overnight bag, you had just knocked on the door when it opened. He was standing there looking perfect as ever in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, but his hair wasn’t styled like usual. It was tousled and limp like he’d been running his fingers through it enough to destroy whatever effect the gel had previously had on it.

He stepped to the side to let you in and closed the door behind you as soon as you were out of the way. He turned to face you, “I’m sorry… about the other night.”

You shrugged, not meeting his eyes, continuing to face the living room. You didn’t want to talk about this. You knew your time together was limited. This may very well be the last time they spent a night together before you had a boyfriend and you had to end… whatever this was. you didn’t want to spend it talking about what he’d said two nights ago and how he hadn’t meant it. How he was just drunk. “It isn’t a big deal.”

You slipped off your shoes, leaving them by the door. You always felt weird wearing shoes in his house, everything was so much more expensive than what you were used to. You walked away from him before he could say anything else, placing your bag on the couch and then leaning against the back of it and turning to watch him. He was frozen in place, staring at the spot you had previously been standing. After a minute he shifted his eyes to you and made his way into the living area.

He stood directly in front of you, with his hands in his pockets. He looked unsure for the first time since you’d met him, and you couldn’t quite figure out why. “I made dinner.” He said. “It’s almost ready.”

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, “You made us dinner?” You asked. “I always make dinner.”

“I know…” He said, he shifted, looking over her head at something in the distance, “I just thought… I don’t know. It was an early game and I got home at seven… I don’t mind cooking, so why not?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I don’t know, I guess I just figured I would be cooking for you tonight.”

He looked down at you, meeting your eyes and smiling softly, “You don’t always have to do stuff like that. You can just come over and relax with me.”

Something was off. Colton was a nice guy. He was an amazing guy. But this was so far out of left field for your relationship that you didn’t know what you were dealing with. Then again, that’s how everything with him had been since the day you told him you were going on a date. He’d make sure to mark you up with hickeys everywhere when you hooked up the couple of times it had happened since. He was usually rough, but he never was one to leave dozens of hickeys all over you. Maybe one or two, nothing like that. His sideways remarks. Drunk texts. Now this?

You were in love with him. You had been for a long time and you knew it. Hell, you’d known when you let this start that you would fall in love with him. He was just the kind of guy you couldn’t help falling in love with. That’s why he had girls falling at his feet. He was a twenty-six-year-old professional hockey player, rich, attractive, with a great personality and he could have any girl he wanted. You never had any illusions that you would be the one to lock him down. Hell, at the time you weren’t even looking for a relationship. You were running from one.

But when he looked at you and said things like that, things like you can just come here to relax with me, it made you angry. Because you were in love with him. And when he said things like that and sent you a string of drunk texts at three in the morning, it gave you this irrational hope that he cared about more than just your pussy.

There was no way though.

And even if he did, did you want that life?

Constantly worrying about whether or not your boyfriend was with some other girl because he could have whoever he wanted? Always feeling like you weren’t good enough for him? Never being able to contribute equally to the household? Would he ever actually marry you even if he did date you? No. Probably not. You weren’t NHL wife material. Not pretty enough or classy enough.

But you smiled at him and pretended this battle wasn’t going on in your head and said, “Why don’t I help you finish cooking? I’m starving.”

After you ate, an amazing meal as it turned out Colton was actually quite the cook, when you made to help him with the dishes he turned around and set you on the island behind him, effectively banishing you from the soap. “I always help.” You protested.

“I’ve got it, (Y/N).” He said, his back muscles working as he washed a pot. “Just sit there and look pretty.”

You rolled your eyes, “As if that’s possible.” He turned to look at you over his shoulder, narrowed eyes and you bit your lip before responding, “Sorry, did I say that out loud?”

“Yeah. Don’t say it in your head either.” Then he went back to the dishes.

After the dishes were clean you expected to end up in the bedroom, but instead he guided you to the couch and handed you the remote, “What do you want to watch?”

You stared at the remote for a moment, then looked back at him. “I don’t know. I only watch movies in the theaters and I don’t think you’d like any of the shows that I watch.”

He frowned, “You only watch movies in theaters?”

“I don’t have the attention span to watch them unless I’m forced.” You said, “I’ll do anything to get out of it. Write, sleep, read, sex. Anything except watch the movie unless it’s a favorite and I’m in the mood to watch it. Which I’m not.”

“Okay, you like the Flames, right?” He asked. You nodded, “They’re playing now. Want to watch that?”

You smiled up at him, “That sounds awesome.”

By the time the game ended, you were curled into his side with his arm wrapped around you and you were ranting about every missed call while going on about Tkachuk’s game winning overtime goal. “Are you like this when you watch us play?” Colton asked, with a look in his eyes that you couldn’t identify and a smile on his face.

“Oh, I’m worse.” You said laughing and shaking your head, “When I lived with my sister she used to get so mad at me on nights you played late games because I would wake her up yelling at the TV.”

Colton placed a hand on your cheek and moved in. He pressed his lips to yours the same why he had so many times before, but this time if felt different. The kiss was long and slow and there were no hands pulling at clothes. One of his remained spanning your cheek and neck and the other rested on your waist, holding you in place.  Your hands, after the initial shock of the randomness of the kiss wore off, went up to his shoulders. He pulled you closer like he was afraid you were about to push him away, but you didn’t. You wouldn’t. You didn’t know if you knew how.

Especially not after the way this kiss made you feel.

You were the one to separate your lips, resting your foreheads together. Neither of you spoke for a stretch of time and the only sound filling the room was the Flames postgame in the background. Eventually he broke the silence. “I don’t like you dating other people.”

“Colton…” You said, squeezing your eyes shut. You didn’t want to hear this. You didn’t want him to tell you how he didn’t like seeing you with other people, but you could never be his. It wasn’t something you wanted to hear and if he said it… well if he said it you were going to have to get up and leave. You were going to have to end this.

“Please listen to me,” He said, his voice barely above a whisper but their faces were so close that you had no trouble picking up his words. “It hurts thinking about you dating someone else. It hurts thinking that I’m so close to losing you and if you don’t want me to stop you then there isn’t anything I can do about it.”

You pulled your forehead away from his and leaned back a little, looking at his hardwood floors, “Colton I can’t just be some girl that you call when you want to screw for the rest of my life.” You said it softly, but the words were harsh and he cast his eyes at the floor along with you, “I want something real. I want someone who is going to take me out on dates. We buy each other birthday presents. Set up a Christmas tree together every year. Have dreams of a future with each other in it. Someday I want a house with a backyard full of kids and a husband playing with them. I can’t have that if all I am is another girl who you mess around with but never want anything more from.”

When you were done he looked up at you and your eyes met. Before you could look away, he said, “But what if I want all of those things with you? What if I want something real too?”

Tears sprung to your eyes. Why was he doing this? Why couldn’t he just let you walk away when it was easier because you thought he would never love you. “Colt I don’t know if I’m cut out for that life. I’m just some girl who got caught up in a lifestyle she had no business being part of.”

“What’s so bad about it?” He asked, looking a little panicked. Like he hadn’t actually accepted the possibility of you walking away tonight for good. “Why couldn’t you date me?”

You shook your head, “I’ve been around your friends. They party. They drink. And athletes… they cheat. I know it’s a stereotype, but I would always be worried about it. Especially since the entire time we’ve known each other you’ve had the ability to just… do whatever you want. Besides the fact that I’m not pretty enough to ever be seen in public with you.”

Colton looked genuinely offended, “I don’t cheat. I never have, and I never will. I was raised better than that.” He placed a hand on your chin and forced you to look into his eyes, “And you are beautiful. I would take you everywhere. You would be all over my Instagram even.”

You blushed, “Colt…”

“(Y/N), give me a chance.” He said. “I messed up. I didn’t realize I was in love with you until someone else was already doing a better job at what should have been my job than I was. Please, let me fix it.”

You studied his face, trying to decide if he was serious. Trying to decide if you should give up what you saw in Chase for what you knew was there in Colton. There were obstacles, many of them, but if he was that determined to make it work then you would give it a try too.

“Okay, we can give it a real shot.”

I’m lovin’ what you got

But I’m hating what you doing

You gotta show me off, off

If you embarrassed,

Then thats the case I’m long gone

You’d been officially dating for four months now and things were going great. He knew how you felt about him going out drinking with the guys, so when he went, he invited you along. There were no more bunnies bragging about their conquest with him online, in fact they were beginning to suspect that he had settled down with someone. You were at every home game wearing his jersey with the other wives and girlfriend and even flown out to one of the away games. Pictures of the two of you together started appearing online, especially on websites that people used to track the habits of players and the speculation started.

Did Colton Parayko have a girlfriend?

The thing was, he wouldn’t confirm anything. People would tweet him, asking him about it. Nothing. People would message him on Instagram asking him about it? He ignored them. He posted a picture of himself with your dog on his Instagram and the comments were filled with the same question.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Is that your girlfriends’ dog?

Did your girlfriend take that picture?

Still he didn’t respond to any of them. You were beginning to wonder if it was because he was regretting his decision to enter a relationship with you. Was that what the issue was? Was he embarrassed of you? He’d promised that you would be all over his Instagram, but he hadn’t even let you tag them in a picture together. Did he wish he’d found someone more conventionally beautiful?

You were scrolling through a speculation post when he sat down beside you on the couch. “What are you reading?” He asked, looking over your shoulder.

You quickly locked your phone and dropped it into your lap, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

He narrowed his eyes at you playfully, “I know your password and my arms are longer than yours.”

You sighed, “Why haven’t you gone public with our relationship?” You asked.

He looked caught off guard, “What do you mean?”

“You haven’t posted any pictures of us. You haven’t answered when anyone asks about us.” You looked away from him and down at the phone you were twisting in your hands. “If you’re embarrassed of me just tell me. We can end this.”

“No!” He said it before the words had even died on your tongue, “Of course I’m not embarrassed of you.”

You still didn’t meet his eyes, because honestly, you didn’t believe him. “Colton…”

“(Y/N),” He said, “I’ll post pictures of you right now. I’ll tweet out a response to the next person who asks me. I’m not embarrassed, why would I be? I didn’t know it was that big of a deal to you or I never would have kept it a secret. I just don’t like my private life to be all over the internet.” He grabbed your hand and pulled your phone away, setting it aside before taking your hand in his. “Please believe me.”

You looked up into his eyes and all you saw was love. He looked so genuine. How could you not believe him? “Okay,” you said. “I believe you.”

“We don’t have to keep it a secret,” He said, “I love you. I don’t care if people know.”

You smiled up at him, “I would like that.”

Give me that title, title

Come on give me that title, title

Better give me that title, title

Better give me that title, title, yeah

They’d been together for two years now and they had come a long way from the day that Colton had sworn she was going to walk out his front door and end up in the arms of another man. As she sat on her towel with her toes dug into the sand next to him, glass of wine in her hand, staring at the sun setting over the ocean, he couldn’t believe that he’d ever come close to letting that happen.

The words she spoke that day stuck in his mind every single day since she said them. Someday I want a house with a backyard full of kids and a husband playing with them. They already bought each other birthday presents and set up a Christmas tree together every year. They talked about their future together every day. But that was something that he hadn’t given her yet.

She was so distracted by the sunset that she didn’t notice him set his wine glass on the small table between them, low to the sand, before reaching into the beach bag, into the zippered back pocket that she never would have had a reason to open and pulling out the small velvet box. He settled back onto his towel with the box in his hand, but kept his eyes focused on her.

He’d had the whole moment planned out, but now that they were here, and he was holding the ring and she was sitting next to him, it was like he had never planned a thing.

He shifted to his knees so that he was facing her, and that action was enough to pull her away from the sunset. She turned to him with a smile on her face so genuine that it made his heart swell. “What’s that look for?” She asked, “You should be watching the sky, it’s beautiful.”

“I’d rather watch you.” He said, and her cheeks flushed. Whether it was from the tropical heat or his words he didn’t know. He kept the box hidden under his hand as he said, “(Y/N), the day we decided to be together, you said something. You said that someday you wanted a husband and kids and an entire life with someone.” He looked down at his hand which still hid the ring, then back up at the most important person in his life who was looking at him with wide eyes, like she wanted to believe what was happening but didn’t quite want to get her hopes up. He lifted the hand that wasn’t concealing the ring and used it to guide her into standing up. She rose to her feet, burying them in the sand.

He rose to one knee and finally reveled the box, snapping it open, “I want that to be me. I want that life with you. I’m ready for it. If you say yes, I promise that we’ll have a house with a huge backyard and a fence and a swing set for our kids to play on. We’ll be the family that you always wanted to have. So, (Y/N), will you marry me?”

She was completely in shock, staring at him like she couldn’t believe a single word he had just said had actually come out of his mouth. But it had, and as soon as she realized that, she answered him. “Of course, I will!”

He slid the ring on her finger, tossed the box on the towel beside them and then was up and twirling her in the air in a second. Yes, they had come a long way in the past two years. And god was he glad they had.

[nagichi-boop]

hi!!! can i get a matchup pls??? • im 170cm, very pale, i have a few freckles on my face and i have this mole below my left eye (other ppl look good w it why does mine look like dirt??? 😖), i lean more on the thick side but unfortunately not that thick 😔🤘, my hair is always up on a ponytail!! bc its rlly hot in my country, i only let my hair down at home. oh!! and my hair is shoulder length 🍰

im really quiet at first but when you get close to me i can get rlly loud. not all the time tho, talking too much exhausts me :d i appear as a very boyish person to others so i hide the fact that i like stuff like sanrio, pokemon, star butterfly vs. the forces of evil- ok i gotta stop. i like sending my friends weird memes at 3am. the reaction they give in the morning feeds my soul 👌 🍰

im a multimedia arts student!! i love editing photos and videos so thats what i do a lot on my free time. i write and draw too! but im not confident in it yet. im considered tall in my country so a lot of professors recommend me to be a student athlete, but i h a t e sweating.. i like watching people play tho! (but i almost never cheer even if its my brother or a friend im shy ok iM SORRY) this was hella long :000 i apologize bsbsjsb and thank you in advance!!! ❤ 🍰

Hey! Thank you for your request! I'm sorry it took so long for me to get to. Hope you like it anyways!

I'd ship you with...

Kuroo Tetsurou!

• I'm gonna assume you are in the class same as Kuroo for this, hope that's okay.

• He was walking with Yaku having another debate about their preferences for girls when he suddenly pointed at you and said "like her!", which caused you to freeze. Kuroo also froze as he realised what he did. He then ran up to you to apologise and explained that he was arguing about preferences and he was saying that you looked attractive. He then awkwardly blushed and jogged off, apologising as he went back to Yaku and the team.

• Honestly you were really shocked about the situation. Like...what just happened? This boy suddenly just came up to you, said you were attractive then left.

• You then saw him and Kenma the next day and he stopped and stared at you for a moment, before going over to you looking slightly flustered. He then said in a slightly nervous voice, "Uhm, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, but the truth is I have kind of noticed you for a while. You look really pretty and I kind of wanted to talk to you. I noticed as well that you tend to doodle in class and when I glanced over, I thought you drawings were super cute...a-anyways, we don't have volleyball practice after school today, so did you want to go to a café with me later? My treat."

• Kenma quietly judged Kuroo because of how creepy he was being but also because he knew exactly what he was doing.

• You agreed without thinking since the whole situation caught you off guard, and he happily thanked you and walked off, saying he'd come find you after school. Then after he left, you realised what you'd done.

• You waited for him outside the school and he finally caught up with you, but Kenma was also with him. He then took the two of you to a cat café because of course he did and Kenma, who read the mood and realised he was third wheeling, left the two of you alone to talk while he went to play with the cats.

• It was a bit uncomfortable at first, but after Kuroo settled down a little, he became super easy to talk to and was really good at keeping the conversation going, which helped you to relax as well. Before you knew it, the two of you started sharing memes and cackling at them together. You could feel Kenma's judgement from across the room.

• Kuroo asked if he could have your number and you agreed. You sent him a 3am meme hoping he wouldn't get mad, and the next morning he sent you a bunch of messages about how he was wheezing and he couldn't breathe because of how funny the memes were, so you decided to add him to your target list of sending memes. Eventually, Kuroo started to participate as well, sending you memes as well as people on his team. Some found it funny, but others Yaku and Kenma got mad at Kuroo, which only motivated him to do it more. He also started to occasionally send some to your friends as well.

• You were afraid to be more open with Kuroo because you didn't want him to think badly of you because of the less "boyish" things you liked. One day, though, he caught you looking at pictures of Sanrio plushies on your phone, which made you panic. But he just smiled and said, "I like those too," which was really shocking. You assumed he was just trying to be nice, but then he pulled out his keys, which had a Kuromi keychain attached.

• (Apparently, he and Kenma found out about the Sanrio characters when they went to an arcade as kids and they bought each other keychains. Kenma bought Kuromi for Kuroo and Kuroo bought Gudetama for Kenma. Kenma's keychain was attached to the case for his Animal Crossing Switch. He told you to keep this a secret since he knew Kenma would get embarrassed, but it eventually came up in conversation at one point and Kenma showed his keychain.)

• As you and Kuroo got closer, so did you and Kenma. He was really good at noticing when something was off and he'd listen to your concerns. You also realised that you had a lot of common interests and you felt comfortable sharing your hobbies with him and Kuroo. When Kuroo saw the two of you talking comfortably about Pokémon one time, he had a really sincere smile on his face because he was amazed at how well the two of you got along and how you glew when you talked passionately about your hobbies. He fell in love with you a little more.

• You realised one day that you weren't exactly sure what your relationship with Kuroo was. You were friends of course and you'd spend a lot of time together, but you wanted more, you were just afraid to say since you didn't want to ruin what you had. Kenma noticed you seemed to be deep in thought and you told your feelings to him, to which convinced you to confess to Kuroo, saying it would make him happy.

• You nervously said to Kuroo that you'd like to date, and he just kind of froze and then said in a cracked voice "s-sure!" He then apologised for the strange response and then confessed that he'd had feelings for you for a long time, he just didn't know how to tell you. He then kissed your hand and thanked you for confessing, then he ran off to get ready for practice.

• Kuroo seemed to be a little bit more on edge with you now you were dating. When you confronted him about it, he said he wasn't sure how comfortable you were with displays of affection and the reason he was on edge was because he wasn't sure whether he was okay to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you, etc. You let him know what your terms were and he relaxed a little knowing what his boundaries were.

• You were glad Kuroo was taller than you because you loved being able to bury yourself in his chest or shoulder whenever he hugged you. And despite his tough-looking exterior, he really loves cuddling and he's super good at it and showing his affection in soft ways.

• Kuroo really loves watching you draw and edit. He either quietly watches you do it or he sits off to the side and let's you get on with it, maybe looking at you every now and then and smiling at how pretty you look. Either way, he is fine with quietly hanging around when you work and he does his best not to disturb you, but also likes to encourage you to take breaks and cuddles you when you do so you can recharge.

• The first time you let your hair down in front of Kuroo he just...stopped? You got confused because you didn't know why he reacted like that, but he had to turn his head away and cover his face because of how much he was blushing. Even if you don't think highly of yourself, to him you are the most stunning, attractive person ever, both in terms of how you look and your personality.

• Kuroo really appreciate you supporting him during matches, even if you don't go crazy cheering for him. Just knowing you're there is enough for him to feel grateful.

• The club members love you as well. Not only are you Kuroo's weakness which they sometimes like to exploit for entertainment, you also get along with everyone super well. They were so shocked when they saw Kenma talking to you so naturally. They started inviting you out whenever they'd go out as a team since you were practically a part of it now.

• Kuroo is super good at showing how much he loves you, even just through little things. You also make him super happy just by being you. Arguing with Yaku that day was the best thing to ever happen to him.

I was gonna pair you with Yaku but I felt like I was only doing that since I've already done Kuroo as a matchup before, but honestly I think Kuroo is a super good match. Hope you enjoyed this!

Sorry this is so long btw, I am in Kenma and Kuroo loving hours, so this was fun to write! To be honest, I could have written more if I wanted to, but I didn't wanna drag this out too much.