#that weathered tired and angry look is doing a lot for him ngl

[ynbabe]

His voice made me feel things

[secretary--hamilton]

My Hamilton canon/memories

(I’m Alexander, saying it so the post makes more sense)

TW: storms/water, a couple mentions of getting drunk (nothing bad, all very pure), war, getting shot, guns, adoption/orphan, someone stabbing themselves, suicide, death

BODY MEMS

- I had slight freckles

- I had a little bit of a stutter

- brown hair

- bright blue/green eyes

- big forehead, receding hairline

- my lips got chapped a lot fuc k cold wea t h e r (plus I licked them a lot too but shh I’m blaming cold weather)

- I was around 5'6 to 5'7 and was about 125 pounds? But I had a lil bit of stomach and thigh chub. I was so tiny compared to everybody else (George is a. Giant)

- for the time I had my hair up in a ponytail, I used like a string thing? I remember the strings dangling down, throwback to 1700s when circle elastic hairties weren’t a thing so I used ribbons/string

PERSONAL/THINGS I DID MEMS

- I was afraid of storms/raging water because it reminded me of the hurricane/the storms I witnessed while on the ship to the colonies

- when I went off to war, I used Eliza's blue ribbon to tie up my hair

- I was always writing and I always had a notebook with me

- the booklet I had that had all my lists and writing on it was pieces of parchment with 3 holes in the side, with strings through the holes

- i loved (more like.. needed to) keep lists on things and be organized, I had a list of all the people I had to write letters to, etc. I had lists about everything. People’s birthdates, their names, so I would never forget them

- if I ever lost a certain piece of paper with like all the lists and information on it I would freak out

- I had extreme anxiety, my mind was constantly racing and it felt like I could focus on 20 different things at once, which kind of helped me write so much and finish so many essays.

-my canon was definitely NOT modern- we didn't have electricity or pens or technology- just pure 1700s things

EARLY LIFE MEMS

- i have a memory of walking along the beach in the carribean on an extremely rainy day, I was looking at towards a ship on the water when the water started rushing towards me and I heard thunder and that's when I realized it wasn't just a normal storm

- I vividly remember walking up the board to the ship i immigrated on, and what it smelled like (really just sea water and old wood) , carrying my small belongings which were just a few books, and a pen and paper

- I got set up in this little cot in the ship that had a hard mattress on the floor, a small chair in the corner, and a lantern

OOF okay so,, this memory is of when I was still in the Caribbean, shortly after my mom died. Me and my brother were put in custody of my older cousin(?), and he killed himself by stabbing himself with a kitchen knife. I was the first one to notice him, the layout of the house was that the bedrooms were upstairs and the kitchen and living room were downstairs. On the right side of the house upstairs, was my cousins (peter) bedroom, and me and my brother (James) were sharing this open room on the left side of the upstairs with mattresses on the floor for us, a window on the wall/roof (it was like a slanted roof, like an attic) So from left to right, our open room (like no door, just a space), a tiny hallway that lead to the stairs, and then peters room. ANYWay but I remember I just finished reading and I was going to talk to peter about something, so I opened his door and I just see blood **everywhere** So I run downstairs and outside into the streets asking for help. I was only 13 when this happened

- I was born in 1757, and the hurricane happened in 1774

WASHINGTON MEMS

- I loved George Washington so much, he was such a good friend/boss- I’m forever grateful to him for giving me the chance to rise up

-I also liked organizing things a lot, I once organized gwash's entire office and he walked in and was like "what the fuck"

- George was brushing my hair and putting it up in a ponytail for me- this was in the tent during the war, before we went off to battle. He did it another time in his office before a cabinet meeting

- me and wash always helped calm eachother down- if either of us were having anxiety, just the others presence would help

- I loved George in a way that's hard to describe- he was like a father to me, he was there for me and protected me and helped me feel less lost

- the only people I would really listen to were George and Eliza- if those two looked at me and said "Alex, it's not worth it" I would stop in an instant, because I trusted them

- I have a memory of the war, and it was raining and slippery and I was climbing up rocky hills following george lead the command, and I was behind him and we were all heading to our next spot

GENERAL REV SQUAD MEMS

- I once got so drunk with the rev boys that I kissed them all on the cheeks while drunkenly singing

- I was the shortest of the group, Mulligan was the tallest, Lafayette was the second tallest, and laurens was a little closer to my height but still taller

- whenever we went out to drink, I always got the drunkest since I was the shortest- and plus I couldn't handle my alcohol at all. They always took care of me when I was super drunk, I would lean on their shoulders, they would tuck me in with blankets, etc.

MULLIGAN MEMS

- Mulligan was super good with his alcohol, it's probably because he was so big and tough, he only got a little bit loopy but was still fine

- my Mulligan had vitiligo

- one time Mulligan had to carry me home because I was so drunk

LAURENS MEMS

- my Laurens was definitely asexual

- the two people I had weird crushes on were Laurens, and Jefferson- they weren't full on 100% crushes (probably due to the fact that I was confused about them) but they were more "holy fuck these guys are hot and great", I don't know if anybody could notice, even though I acted a bit more lovey towards laurens

- he was always so giggly and happy god I love him his smile could light up the room ngl, and his laugh was so,, good

- his freckles got /a lot/ more prominent if he was out in the sun all day, freckle boy

- he loved space so much, he was always out watching the stars and learning about them- he had this book about astronomy that was p cool

LAFAYETTE MEMS

- when laf immigrated to the colonies, he snuck on the ship as a pregnant woman so he wouldn't get stopped by anyone

- when he came to the colonies he spoke like only a few words of English, when he met me I helped him translate! I was fluent in French so it helped

- he had a birthmark/mole on his cheek near his eye- it was just a small dot

BURR MEMS

- my burr got shot in the leg during the war, and he had a bit of a limp the rest of his life. I remember when he got shot, I was near by so I had to help carry him to a medical tent and then go back to fighting

KING GEORGE MEMS

-i called king George king douche, and he called me a lapdog since I followed Gwash around a lot

- I once called KG just "George" and he was all sassy like "that's KING George to you"

- one time KG talked to the rev boys and I like got all angry and protective, he talked to Lafayette and I was behind Laf trying to but into the conversation to call George out- it was during the war so we were on a field in our war outfits

- his eyes were bluey-purple

JEFFERSON MEMS

- I hated Jefferson but I also had a weird hate crush on him,, I didn't tell anyone tho, let's just say I wanted to beat up the man but also fuc the man. The crush died down after a while though

- my Jefferson would always say lewd jokes to me and humiliate me just to see a reaction, because I was a flustered boy,, one time I got so flustered that I just, LEFT the room, and Jefferson was like “WHY DONT YOU SLAM MY BEDROOM DOOR LIKE THAT” upon me storming out

- during one of the cabinet battles jefferson was sassy clapping at me, he,, sassy clapped a lot

- when jeff was like “daddys calling” I got so angry but also flustered so I stormed out, funnily enough I stormed out to follow george. I fuckin loved George and followed him everywhere

- I once got a 🅱️oner because of some lewd joke Jefferson said oof

- after the second cabinet meeting, we got into a fight. Jefferson wanted us to defend France so I snapped back and interrupted him with “You cant sacrifice our country because you're scared Lafayette’s going to die like your wife.” and Jefferson got livid and yelled back “I am NOT going to be intimidated by you and your washed up bullshit” or something along those lines

RENOYLDS AFFAIR MEMS

- oof I remember yelling in marias face when James sent the letter

- after Eliza found out about the affair, she forced me to stay in my office for 6 months. I only left for food and a short aimless walk I think. My office was in a different building

- the renoylds affair definitely happened. God it was such a bad/weird time, i was so exaushted and sleep deprived and getting constant headaches but I needed to stay awake and work, I heard a knock at my office door so I opened it and it was Maria, it was raining outside so her hair was all wet so I let her in, after her sharing her story I gave her some money and walked her back to her place, but she insisted on staying. I believed her, but once James sent the letter I accused her of being a con artist, and I still don't know the truth of what's what.

- I have a reallyyyy clear memory of me rambling on about how I need to get work done and how my wife needs me and all this stuff and then Maria whispered in my ear "shhhh, you don't need to worry about all that, no one will know" before we got. Down And Dirty TM. And usually I would deny stuff like that but I was so tired

- I have aNOTHer rly clear memory of me kneeling down to Maria and straight up screaming at her "HOW COULD I DO THIS, I AM HELPLESS" or something like that

FAMILY MEMS

- my friends took care of my kids for me while I was busy working, mostly Laurens because I was the closest to him! Philip loved Laurens so much it was adorable

- Burr was really good at math and often taught Philip math

- I always got in arguments with a lot of people, but I'm glad I had people like Eliza to calm me down, I remember she said "Alexander, it's not worth it" and I chilled out instantly

- I married Eliza right after the war ended

- All of our children were adopted except for Angie, Alex Jr., and Eliza

- I think my Philip had a slight tooth gap and rly curly hair, and either a slight lisp or a slight stutter

- I would brush philip's hair and put it up, or braid it. He would sit in between my legs when I was sitting on a chair and brush through his wet hair- Philip was my ultimate pride and joy

- dinner time was my favourite time of day, it was always so warm and happy- Eliza would make us dinner and I would come down from working and eat with Eliza and our children

- I have a memory of me, Eliza, and young/toddler Philip having a picnic in a field with daisies all around us, and we were making daisy chains and eating food and it was rly rly nice and sunny and warm yet slightly breezy and it smelled like jasmine

- I remember the first time Eliza found out about my fear of storms, we were having dinner and i heard thunder and I just like. Froze. And she tried talking to me and I was just like "I need to go" but she calmed me down, asked me to sit down at the table, and got me to explain to her eventually, this was before Philip, so it was just us.

- but once we got Philip, and he was maybe 3 or 4, it was another stormy day and I froze again and Philip said "what's wrong papa?" And I bent down to his level and reassured him that I was okay, after that he sat on my lap and distracted me from the storm outside, I was really focused on this one curl in his hair that was out of place lol

- before Philip, Eliza kept having miscarriages, so we decided to adopt Philip. Our first successful pregnancy was Angie, I was SO protective over Eliza when she was pregnant, if she got up in the middle of the night I would ask her if she needed anything, and when she was walking I would walk behind her with my hands on her hips incase she fell bc she was waddling

- Angie had slight autism all her life, and when Philip died she just lost it and went insane. She was delusional and never grew up a day past 17. she would constantly ask if Philip was coming home and was living in a world as if Philip was still alive, she constantly lived in a world between 7 years old and 17 years old, even when she physically grew older. I would walk with her and play with her, and when i was with her i started to go into her world of Philip still being here. We took care of her. One day, someone suggested we put her in a hospital, and i slammed my fork into my food and quietly but surely said “i will NOT lock my daughter away.”, and the room fell silent. Later on, Eliza and I were walking near the ocean, and she brought up the topic again. I said “They locked away my mother. She nearly starved to death and i will not let my daughter go through that” and Eliza reassured me- “Hon.. your mother was jailed for adultery, not mental wellness. Im not in any way saying we should put our daughter somewhere, all i am suggesting is that she be checked out by a doctor.”

- I remember a few of Angie’s breakdowns. She would pull her hair out and slam her head against walls

-Once Eliza got too old to take care of her (late 70/80′s′s), She put her in a hospital where she stayed for her entire life. she was cared for extremely well there.

DEATH/LATER LIFE MEMS

- I have this like,,, really weird memory of Eliza saying “when you have a problem you come home, you don’t go off and make matters worse on your own” to me a couple different times, one was when Lauren’s shot Charles Lee and I got sent home, another one was when I got into a fight with burr after he ran for senate. The reason why it’s a weird memory is because those are in the heights lyrics???

- I remember the day before I got shot, I stayed up all night writing my goodbye letter to Eliza, there was crumpled papers all over my desk since I kept rewriting them until I was satisfied

- the morning of the duel, it was extremely quiet, like I was literally in a ghost town. Same at the dueling grounds, nobody wanted to talk. I remember I was freaking out trying to focus on one thing but my brain kept going to everything I've ever done in my life, kind of like a life flashed before my eyes kind of moment. I thought of Eliza, and how upset she would be. I thought of Philip, and what was going through his head when he died and how I wish I could apologize to him. Burr's gaze felt like literal knives, so I couldn't bare to look at him. Once I shot up, my mind suddenly calmed and I had this strange factor of "this is my legacy". On the way back across the Hudson I just wanted to keep talking but my doctor said to relax. My Burr tried to run over to talk to me after he shot me, but he wasn't allowed to. He also tried to come to my funeral but wasn't allowed either, he might have watched from afar. but he visited my grave a few times