#that was when he first came in contact with the UD

[taeiris]

stuck in time

close ups⬇️

[tryingonametaphor]

Why Will Byers?

An analysis and theory on why Henry/Vecna targeted Will first in season 1 and his plans for Will in season 5

‼️Contains The First Shadow (TFS) spoilers so please proceed with caution.‼️

This is going to be a little long but I’ve tried to give as much context as I can without actually being able to show snippets from the stage play. This is my interpretation of everything that went down as a member of the audience and not as someone who has read up any theories about TFS before. To understand why Henry took Will first in 1983, we have to start with -

Henry and Joyce

From all the times I’ve watched TFS, the one thing that has stuck with me is the final conversation Henry has with Joyce. It’s just before his last confrontation with Patty Newby and before he joins Brenner for good. Joyce is the last person (who doesn’t know about Henry’s powers) that he canonically talks to.

Throughout the entire play Joyce, Hopper, and Bob are investigating the animals dying at the hands of Henry and come to the conclusion that Victor Creel has been the one doing the killing. They get so close to solving the case. In her last conversation with Henry, Joyce tries to comfort him by saying that Victor will pay for his crimes - which makes Henry laugh because she’s so close yet so far from the truth. He gets a little frustrated and says something along the lines of “You don’t get it. But someday you will.” (edit 28/9: the exact dialogue is [Henry: you’re too nice. that is how they’ll get you. you have to learn to do anything you can to protect the ones you love] [Joyce: I don’t understand.] [Henry: You will.]) The next time we see Henry make a reappearance in Joyce’s life is during -

The Vanishing of Will Byers

Will is taken into the Upside Down (UD) by Henry. It’s not even a question anymore. All of the context clues from 1x1 lead us to believe that Will’s kidnapping was not by a demogorgon. Will - a 12 year old - miraculously survives a week in the upside down with no food or water. Will is even around the demogorgon a few times in the Upside Down. (Joyce communicating with Will through the lights and then the demogorgon coming after her immediately).

Barb dies the night she is taken but Will stays alive and also somehow manages to talk to Joyce through the wall. Joyce is led exactly to where Will was held at the end of s1 and he makes it out alive. It’s almost as if Henry knew all along that Joyce was the most capable of never giving up on finding her son. Like Henry took Will Byers because he was Joyce’s son. And like he was giving her just enough to know that Will was alive. Even when Joyce and Hopper find him at the end in a state of near death, he’s not injured by a creature. He was being prepared for the next stage of Vecna’s plan -

The Possession of Will Byers

The origins of Henry’s powers happen as such - As a kid, he is transported into the UD (originally coined Dimension X by the government) for a few hours because he touched something he wasn’t meant to touch. During his time in there, he came in contact with the Mind Flayer (MF). According to TFS this is the point in his life when he started getting “corrupted”. Brenner’s dad - who was one of the first people to enter dimension X - had mutated blood after but no powers. Henry was the first person to come in contact with the MF and it’s highly likely he got his powers because of this (This would also track considering how most of the party has been in the UD now but show no signs of having powers). The MF controls Henry for the rest of TFS and Henry grows more power hungry the more he kills.

In S2, Henry presumably sends the MF after Will - who has now had a year to heal from the events of 1983. Will is the only other person in all of ST to have had direct contact with the MF and survived it. Henry didn’t hesitate to kill Billy in S3, but he always gives everyone just enough to keep Will safe. Will himself tells Owens in S2 that the MF wants to kill everyone except him. Will once again survives the entire ordeal and is given a “break” for the next 2 seasons. Except I don’t believe he’s been just given a break. I think Will is -

Henry’s Sleeper Agent.

Ready to awaken in s5. I undoubtedly think that Will is going to have powers. And I don’t think they’re going to be the same as Henry and El. El and the other lab kids get their powers directly from Henry. Will’s powers will be directly from the MF like Henry. I believe this has been Henry’s plan all along and it’s further affirmed by what he tells Will in the recent VR game. That Will will be the key to Henry being able to infiltrate his friends’ minds. Jamie Campbell-Bower also mentioned during the S4 press that to get in character, he set up a display with all of Henry’s victims and targets’ faces on his wall(?), and Will was in the center.

Henry is going to use his connection with Will sneakily and midway through S5 he’s going to awaken Will’s powers (maybe in ep4 - which is said to be titled ‘Sorcerer’ and has young Will in it). Henry is going to try and manipulate his way into making an ally out of Will, and it’s not going to work because -

Will is the Perfect Character Foil.

Will is everything Henry could have been if he had a better support system. He is the perfect character foil. Unlike Henry, Will has a mother who loves him unconditionally and more importantly, believes him. Unlike Henry, the person who Will loves the most (the Patty to Will’s Henry: Mike) is going to love him back and stay by his side all season. No one is going to force them to be apart the way Henry was told to stay away from Patty. Will is not going to be easily swayed even though Henry has spent years crafting him into the perfect soldier. Sure, Henry has seen him heartbroken and sad, but that comes nowhere near to the amount of love and support Will is going to get from his people next season. And they’re going to quite literally defeat Vecna with the power of love and friendship. After that, Will Byers is getting the happy ending that Henry could have gotten.

[0cta9on]

Hey dude, here is your daily dose of cute thoughts

1. Always love when ahjumma asks "Is this your girlfriend?". Same concept like the "Are you two a couple?" Theme video.

2. Such a cute gesture seeing how you save your girlfriend in your contact list. Or maybe seeing your phone wallpaper. Maybe "Cutie pie💕" "My2ndhalf❤️). Or a picture of her, she never seen, that you took secretly.

3. Having Ice skating date at a nearby mall is always cute, learning while spending time together.

4. Going for school reunion, everyone there doesn't expect the most unexpected couple.

Have 'Marcus'😅

Hello mikeylo! I've actually been in a little bit of a mental rut, especially with how busy I've become, so these are always nice to get bits of inspiration for UD :] As such, I'll be using this ask to talk about Yuno and Minji :>

During the spring, when the weather is nice, Yuno and Minji like going on walks at specific park they both like. One day, the pair are resting on a bench underneath the shade, sharing an ice cream cone (Yuno didn't want any, but Minji insisted that they share one and he can never say no to her) when an old lady passes by, a polaroid camera hanging by a lanyard on her neck. She smiles at them, asking them if they're a couple, which they reply with a resounding 'yes'. She then offers to take a photo of them for free, telling them how nice the light looks on them. Minji enthusiastically agrees, and despite Yuno's awkwardness in front of a camera, the picture turned out alright. The old lady gave both of them a polaroid of the picture before walking off. Minji keeps her copy in her phone case while Yuno keeps his in his wallet.

Since this is his first relationship, Yuno doesn't really know what to think about pet names. He feels pretty neutral about them, but he likes Minji's name the most, so he'll have her contact as "Minji<33333". Simple and to the point :> His phone lockscreen (after he figures out how to change it) will be a picture of Minji sleeping on his shoulder. If she's busy with something, he'll stare at his lock screen for hours, waiting for her notification to pop up :>

Yuno was hesitant about the ice skating at first, but he can't say no to Minji's face :> The rest of their friends tag along, all having some experience ice skating, leaving Yuno to be the obvious outlier. Minji tries her best to help him by holding his hand and supporting him every time he falls, but in the end, he uses one of those balance aids that children often use :> He feels a little embarrassed, but Minji assures him that he looks cute and that's enough for him :>

I have a future scene in mind, so technically this isn't canon, but it's fun to write anyways :> As Yuno and Minji walk hand-in-hand through the venue, they receive the same stares that Yuno had been accustomed to during high school. Aside from Hanni, everyone found it hard to believe that the notorious delinquent and the class president were not only dating, but had been dating ever since they first met during senior year. When Minji was asked to do a speech, she made it abundantly clear to everyone how much they misunderstood about Yuno, much to his embarrassment. A couple people came up to him to apologize, which lead to the two of them leaving early after Yuno's social battery runs out :>

[pumpkinspiceeddie]

Crash & Burn

Rated M • modern era, no UD • read on ao3

Friends with benefits, pining, idiots to lovers feels

Eddie’s phone buzzed, and buzzed again. He looked down at it. 1:39am. Two messages from Steve.

Groaning, he flipped his phone over and peeled himself off his couch to pace back and forth across the room, hands raking through his hair. Why couldn’t he just block his number? It’d been weeks (maybe months?) since he’d heard from him.

He only reached out after some girl broke his heart. Again.

Eddie couldn’t keep-

His phone started buzzing more urgently, repeatedly. Picking it up, he saw Steve’s name and had to answer it.

When you feel all alone and the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart

“Hey.”

“Hi Eds…”

Just two words made everything come flying back front and center into Eddie’s mind. The amazing sex, sure, but mostly the soft touches, staying up all night talking, the way Steve looked at him like-

He shook his head, clearing whatever that was from his thoughts.

“What’s up neighbor? Need a cup of sugar?” He winced as the words left his mouth. For once his double entendre not being intentional. Oh. That was the other thing. They lived in the same row of townhouses, Eddie getting to see whichever current conquest Steve was wooing come and go, or Steve himself walking hand in hand with the supermodel of the week.

Thankfully Steve snickered back at his dumb joke. “I don’t need any sugar, actually. But I wanted to see if you were as bored as I am. Wanna come have a beer?”

This was his play, usually. Get Eddie over for a casual hang out, watch a movie, drink a beer, maybe smoke a joint. Once they were both a lot looser, things ended up happening.

Eddie would have to hear about whichever girl it was who Steve was sure was ‘The One,’ who was clearly using him for his name and money and when they’d find out Steve Harrington actually had no contact with his rich parents and only a upper middle class salary, they usually didn’t last long.

But Eddie was also a sucker. “Sure, man. Give me a few.”

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take anymore

Let me be the one you call

After a few beers each and politely listening to the play by play of the breakup (Dana this time), Eddie eyed Steve as he crept slowly closer to him on the couch.

Maybe it would be fine this time. They could just blow off some steam. It’s not like he had any better offers.

He pretended to be very interested suddenly in whatever dumb sitcom Steve had thrown on for background noise, and a hand slid up his thigh. He bit into the side of his cheek and stayed still. The butterflies he got every time he was in this position came back full force.

“Steve, I-“ he shook his head, but then caught the look on his face, like a rejection right now would send him crumbling.

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You’re not alone

“C’mere,” he breathed instead.

They met in a slow kiss, less heated and desperate than usual. Eddie cupped his jaw tenderly, trying in equal measures to hold back and show him some of the emotion he’d bottled up for so long.

Steve gasped an “Ed-“ into his mouth and shoved closer to him. They wrapped their arms around each other and he forgot he wasn’t supposed to be doing this.

When hopes and dreams are far away

And you feel like you can’t face the day

Let me be the one you call

The first slow thrust into Steve’s body was heart stopping. He didn’t think it had ever been like this, slow and gentle, instead of the frenzy he usually felt.

But that wasn’t altogether the truth, as he sucked in a breath, he realized while they usually came together in a rush, he’d usually find himself slowing it down. Making it more tender and caring.

Steve pulled him down for a soft kiss and he sunk into it with a small sound. Oh no. He pulled back. They could do slow passionate sex or they could have soft tender kisses but he couldn’t do both. He couldn’t take it. Especially not the eventual ghosting once Steve found a new girl to fall for.

But Steve was looking up at him now. Panting, cheeks flushed. Staring wide eyed up at him almost reverently. Eddie got stuck in his deep brown eyes for a long moment, transfixed until they both gasped on a particularly good thrust and Eddie realized what was happening.

He loved him. Was soul crushingly in love with a guy who only used him after he was broken up with.

Unable to meet his gaze, he mouthed along his neck and shoulder instead, allowing himself to hide his face, committing the little sighs and punched out sounds to memory.

This would have to be the last time.

When you feel all alone and a loyal friend is hard to find

You’re caught in a one-way street with the monsters in your head

When hope and dreams are far away

And you feel like you can’t face the day

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he jumped. Peering at it, he ignored the new text and looked back at Gareth.

“Why are you so jumpy, bro?”

Shaking his head, he tried to return the conversation back to the gigs they had lined up, but Gareth could always see right through him.

“Uh uh, whose texts are you avoiding? That’s not like you. Spill.”

“Gare, I promise, it’s nothing,” he raked his hands through his hair and Gareth raised an eyebrow at him. Well fuck, now he’d done his tell, hadn’t he? Sighing, he decided on, “It’s just something that needs to fizzle out on its own. A mistake that I keep making. I should block him.”

“Ahh,” Gareth nodded. “Hot neighbor guy.”

His jaw dropped. “Wha- how? I mean, shit.” He leaned down and thunked his forehead on the table. “How do you know he’s hot?”

Giggling, Gareth patted his shoulder. “The mistakes that we can’t block- they’re always hot. So what happened? Usually you’re off to the races when he texts.”

Sitting back up, he sighed. “I can’t keep doing this. I lo- I care too much about him and he only wants to hook up after some girl fucks him over. It’s killing me.”

Gareth hummed at him, nodding. “Caught feelings for the booty call. That’s a lot, dude. Did you tell him?”

“Are you kidding? No way! Zero chance that he’d actually stop his womanizing ways to have something real with me. He just likes getting fu-“

Gareth held up a hand. “I don’t need the details, man.”

Laughing, Eddie shook his head again. “Maybe if I just don’t answer, he’ll find some girl who wants to peg him and go run off with her.”

“There’s always a chance.”

‘Cause there has always been heartache and pain

And when it’s over you’ll breathe again

You’ll breathe again

Groaning, Eddie read through the last text Steve had sent again.

Hi. I know you’re avoiding me and I just wanted to know why. Did I do something wrong? I’m home all night if you want to talk.

He knew he was being an asshole by ignoring him. He knew exactly how shitty it felt to be ghosted after their encounters and now he was doing the same thing.

Knocking on his door felt like approaching the executioner. Would he get punched in the face? Kicked in the balls? Would he need to move? He really liked his place.

“Oh hey, he is alive after all,” Steve said sardonically as he pulled the door open.

“It appears so. Can I come in?”

Steve seemed weary, but nodded and turned to walk into the kitchen, propping himself at a stool at the bar. Eddie stood on the other side of the counter from him.

“I’m sorry,” he huffed. It didn’t seem like enough, but he made himself relax his shoulders and continue. He looked down at the swirls in the countertop as he talked. “I can’t do this anymore. I- um, I really like you, Steve. And this only calling me when you get your heart broken is … it’s too much for me.”

After a beat, he chanced a look up at Steve’s face and winced. He looked like he’d gotten ice water thrown in his lap.

“I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I just worked it out myself very recently. I thought I could do the casual hookups but my heart can’t take it anymore. Because I know you don’t feel the same and-“

“Of course I don’t feel the same,” Steve growled out, his face now completely closed off and hard.

Eddie clenched his jaw and gave a stiff nod.

“I’m not- I don’t swing that way, man.”

Instead of arguing, he just nodded again and walked towards the door. Somehow that’d been worse than he’d expected. He almost wished he would’ve received an actual punch instead.

When you feel all alone and the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

A few days later he pointedly turned away when he saw Steve walking hand in hand with another blonde woman. Good for him. Maybe he’d settle down and find a different neighbor to fuck him through his denial.

He finally blocked his number and his Instagram. Gareth took him out for depressed drinks and darts. He started parking around the side of his townhouse and coming in the back door when he couldn’t stop himself from checking for strange cars on the other end of the lot.

Maybe he would need to move.

If you need to fall apart (you’re not alone) I can mend a broken heart

And if you need to crash then crash and burn (you’re never alone)

You’re not alone

A pounding woke him and he pushed away from the warm body next to him to look at the time. 2:11am. What the fuck?

Throwing pants on, he went downstairs and flicked a light on.

Someone was standing on his porch.

Throwing the door open, he immediately realized it was pouring down rain, Steve was at his door, and he should’ve put a shirt on.

“Hi.” Steve started. His eyes widened as he took in Eddie’s appearance, rumpled hair and hickeys going down his neck and chest.

He’d taken home the pretty boy in the bomber jacket from the bar. Sue him. And-

“Who is it, babe?”

Steve’s eyes widened further and his face paled. Mouth opening and closing before his face closed off again and he turned away. “Never mind.”

Without thinking, he followed him, pulling the door shut behind him.

“Steve! Wait!”

Stupidly, he reached out for him and grabbed his arm to pull him around.

Steve yanked his arm back with a huff. “Save it. I see you’ve moved on quickly.”

“Me?” He sputtered, throwing his hands up. “I’ve moved on quickly? How many girls have you fucked this month? This week?”

Starting to turn away again, he grumbled, “Just go back to your-“

Eddie was suddenly so deeply tired and he couldn’t fight anymore. “You came over here in the rain to knock on my door at two AM, man. Talk to me. Please.”

That knocked the fight out of Steve, and he looked like himself again. He sighed, pushing his wet floppy hair out of his face. It made him look even more pitiful, like a little wet puppy.

“I know. I’ve been a dick.” Steve swiped across his face and Eddie’s heart clenched. “It dawned on me. Tonight. That our… arrangement before…”

Thunder boomed and they both jumped. Eddie tried to hide his satisfaction as Steve edged closer to him.

“Just, I realized I looked forward to seeing you, sometimes a lot more than the girl I was telling you about. I was stupid. I’m so sorry, Eds. These last few weeks I’ve been a mess. I think I fell in love with you a long time ago, too. And-“

Eddie cupped his face and stepped in closer, staring into his eyes. “Say it again?”

Giving him the tiniest smile, he repeated, “I’m in love with you, Eddie. I’m so sorry I said those things that day.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Instead of answering, Steve closed the small distance between them. Eddie kept him there with a handful of soaking wet tshirt.

This kiss was nothing like their kisses before. Eddie could pour all of his love and affection into it now, not having to hold anything back. Even from himself.

“Wow,” Steve breathed, lips still moving against his.

Eddie pressed a few more kisses against his lip before pulling back.

“Do you wanna hear a secret?” Eddie asked, suddenly serious.

Steve nodded, confused.

“I didn’t move on. I picked that guy up at the bar last night because he reminded me of you.”

A wide grin spread across Steve’s face. “Oh really?”

Let me be the one you call

If you jump, I’ll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

Ali @eddiethehunted made me have a Savage Garden nostalgic moment (months ago, sorry) and ofc I had steddie feels 🖤

[willbyersabyss]

The Upside Down is Will's Mind Part Two

I highly recommend reading the first part of this theory (here) before continuing! This post is way longer than the original because I wanted to get all of my thoughts about this out in one place so here it is:

Dustin explains that El opened the Mothergate in 1983 by making a psychic connection to the demogorgan and assumes that Vecna is doing the same with his victims. Why would psychic connection open a gate to the Upside Down if the UD is not related to the mind? If gates to the UD are being opened through psychic connection, how did the original gate in 1979 open? El was not psychically contacting anyone when she originally banished Vecna, or was she? 

Right before El banishes Vecna, she sees a cloudy red tunnel and a memory of her birth. This initially seems like El about to meet death, but what if it was actually a lifeline? The red cloudy tunnel looks similar to Vecna’s cloudy mindscape when he’s searching for victims. What if El was unknowingly searching for someone’s mind, found Will’s, and banished Vecna there? This would explain how she recognized him in s1 as well, she might have seen him in the red void or could sense him because she has connected with his mind before.

Now I want to answer the question of why El banished Vecna to Will’s mind specifically. This needs a bit of explaining before I get to the point so stay with me: 

We know that Vecna likes to target people with trauma because their minds are more vulnerable when they’re experiencing trauma. We can assume that El’s powers work the same. Maybe Will had experienced a recent trauma that made his mind more vulnerable that day and gave El an easy (unintentional) target. But what trauma could that be?

In s1, Hopper says that he had been chief in Hawkins for four years, meaning that Hopper became chief in 1979. When Jonathan speaks to Lonnie, Lonnie asks if Hopper is still chief. This means that Lonnie was still in Hawkins in 1979. So when did Lonnie leave? We can deduce it was sometime between 1979 and 1982. Joyce brings Will tickets to Poltergeist while he is sitting in Castle Byers. Poltergeist came out in June of 1982 so this must have happened around that time. Jonathan and Will built Castle Byers the night their dad left so if Castle Byers already exists, we know this happened before 1982. So Lonnie left before 1982, but after 1979.

Onto my point, I believe that Lonnie left the same day that Vecna was banished to the Upside Down aka September 8th, 1979. This would be a fresh trauma that made Will’s mind more vulnerable to El’s powers. Jonathan and Will built Castle Byers the night their dad left and Jonathan said they were sick for a week after they built it. What if Will’s sickness wasn’t because of rain, but because his mind was being haunted by Vecna? Headaches, nosebleeds, and trouble sleeping sound like they could be symptoms of a typical cold, right? They describe Will’s connection to the Mind Flayer as a “virus” in s2 as well. 

In the shed scene, Joyce’s memory is about Will’s 8th birthday. Will turned 8 in 1979. Hopper said he became chief in 1979 in the scene where Joyce is reporting Will missing and he uses that as a reason why Will is likely with Lonnie. Lonnie is linked to 1979 and Will’s disappearance now. That year is significant to Will. These two scenes indicate that Vecna being banished to the UD is connected to Will’s disappearance and is the reason why he was targeted. Why is there emphasis surrounding Will in 1979? Did something happen to him that year that was significant, maybe his mind being invaded by someone? 

The destruction of Castle Byers has similarities to the night they built it. It was raining both nights and Will had trouble destroying Castle Byers the same way he struggled to hammer it together. How does the Castle Byers scene end? Will feels the Mind Flayer. So what if the parallels don’t end with the rain, what if Will felt Vecna wandering his mind the night they built it too? 

Another thing that felt important: the van scene where Will talks about being different comes just before the scene of Brenner looking at the cracks in the wall left from El banishing Vecna. The song “Being Different” slightly fades us into that scene. Are they connecting Will’s differences to the day Vecna was banished?

Okay so why doesn’t Will feel Vecna for the next four years then? Will said that he doesn’t always feel the Mind Flayer, he only felt it when it wanted to use him. Vecna was dormant until the gate opened again and only made his presence known when he wanted to. 

After season four, we are meant to assume that Will’s visions in season two were just Vecna visions, not him actually being transported into the Upside Down. They describe these visions as “true sight” and I think they were right! Will really was seeing into the Upside Down. That’s not the full story, though. Will’s visions were just Vecna visions, but he was also being transported into the Upside Down because that is his mind. 

Will heard a baby demogorgan during one of his visions on Halloween. Why would Vecna make him hear a baby demogorgan rummaging through trash if the main point of the vision was to scare him with the Mind Flayer? Why not use the classic clock sound insead? Will was hearing actual creatures from the Upside Down during his visions because they reside in his mind. 

The analogy they use in season two to describe Will’s condition is the story of Phineas Gage. It’s interesting how they compared Will’s mental hauntings to a physical injury. Phineas Gage had a rod go through his head that caused personality changes but Will’s personality changes were mostly due to PTSD and the Mind Flayer taking over his mind. 

When the doctors scan Will’s brain, there are abnormalities that they can see and they specifically point out abnormalities in the hippocampus caused by PTSD. PTSD can cause physical changes to the brain like making the hippocampus smaller. Will’s brain has physical changes due to PTSD, but maybe he has physical damage to his brain in a different way. Maybe his mind is a physical location that is actively being harmed by Vecna. Maybe these comparisons to Phineas Gage are being made because they both had physical injuries to the brain, but Will’s brain is really the Upside Down. Max says that closing the gate is like cutting off the brain from the body. The UD is a brain!

On the topic of Will’s PTSD, let’s talk about the anniversary effect. Owens says that Will’s visions are worse because he is approaching the anniversary of his disappearance. At the same time as the approaching anniversary, the lab is losing control of the spread of the UD into the real world. Plants are suddenly rotting and tunnels are spreading despite them keeping it contained for nearly a year. Why is the UD’s spread speeding up as they near the anniversary? Maybe Owens was right, but not in the way he thought. Will’s PTSD response is becoming worse because of the anniversary and this is causing the UD aka his mind to spread into Hawkins faster. His mind is more vulnerable and Vecna can take over easier and enact his plans. 

Will says that the more the vines spread, the more connected he feels to the Mind Flayer. Why does the UD spreading into the real world make Will feel him more? This isn’t just Vecna taking over Will’s mind, Will puts an emphasis on the UD’s spread into Hawkins. It could be that Will’s mind is seeping into Hawkins so he feels more connected to the UD and Vecna because of that. His mind doesn’t feel as distant as before. 

They also describe Will as the “host” for the virus aka Vecna. The lab people talk about the tunnels/gates as if they are diseases as well. What if Will is a host in a bigger way? What if he isn’t just the host for Vecna, but the entire UD? He’s a host for both. 

Why didn’t Will die in s2 when they closed the gate? Obviously they got the particles out of him, but we later learn that he can still feel Vecna so his connection was not entirely broken even though it should have been. The creatures from the UD die when the gate closes because they are cutting the brain from the body, the brain being the Vecna. So if Will is still connected to Vecna, why didn’t he die and why does he still feel Vecna? His connection to Vecna was not fully severed because the UD aka Will’s mind is still a host for him.

Another thing: Will didn’t feel pain from the UD being burned. If it’s his mind, that would hurt right? I don’t think so. Vecna took control of everything in the UD so they belong to his mind rather than Will’s, taking the pain away from Will and attaching it to Vecna. 

It’s interesting how we don’t get a memory sequence during the shed scene. Both Billy and Max had memory flashbacks when they were breaking free from Vecna taking over their minds, so why not Will? They could have shown a swingset, a picture of Will’s spaceship drawing, or a clip of Castle Byers, but they didn’t. We didn’t get to see inside of Will’s mind at all. Do they not want us to see his mind? Perhaps it would be something familiar, something they want to wait to reveal until a later season. 

Speaking of memories, we know that memories can help someone escape their own mind. We didn’t get a visual of Will’s memories in s2, but we did in s1. We get three flashbacks. Will and Joyce in Castle Byers, Jonathan and Will listening to The Clash, and one of Will drawing. These memories have key details that relate to the memories used in s2! Castle Byers, drawing, and Should I Stay or Should I Go. These all save Will in s2 and they may have helped him in s1 as well! Maybe Will used the same memories to make connections from his mind to the real world.

Why does the Upside Down look so different now than it did when Vecna first entered it? I originally theorized that this is because Will’s brain was less developed so his mind looked different at the time, but now I have a new theory. What if Will’s mind is stuck in a Vecna vision? If so, what is Vecna taunting Will with in this vision?

The description of the Upside Down is a place of death and decay. Will’s most prevalent trauma before he was taken by Vecna was the abuse and the bullying he faced for being a visibly gay kid. A lot of the bullying was likely about how Will would one day contract HIV/AIDs. We know Troy had implied this once in s1 and that probably wasn’t the only time. Does Will’s mind look like a place of death and illness because Vecna was taunting his fear of AIDs? Hawkins rotting with vines that carry disease with deadly spores in the air is very on the nose. Vecna was taunting Will with the idea that he will spread disease to the entire town of Hawkins just because he’s gay.

When Max made her mind look like the Snow Ball, there were no people there. The Upside Down is the same way, they even emphasize this fact multiple times throughout the show. It’s just like Hawkins but with no people. Maybe Will tried to hide in a happy memory the same way Max did, transforming the Upside Down to look like Hawkins, and Vecna immediately countered this just like he did to Max. As I said in part one, Will’s fight or flight response is often freeze so he might have frozen his own mind as a stress response, capturing the Vecna vision in time. Max tried to escape her tainted Snow Ball memory but couldn’t because Vecna interfered. Either Will froze his mind himself or Vecna prevented him from switching to a happier memory.

When Vecna realized he could reach into other’s minds, he said he became an explorer. He used this power to go inside of his parent’s minds and see them for who they are. He used the same wording of becoming an explorer when he entered the UD. The reuse of this phrase is connecting minds with the UD! He is an explorer for the same reason!

Something about the UD that I thought competed with my evidence is that voices from the real world can be heard there. I originally couldn’t explain this until I realized that Max heard voices inside her mind and so did El! The second Max’s music gate opened, she could hear the boys calling for her. El can hear people talking to her when she is in the void as well. The voices are faint and distant in both El and Max’s mind, just like they are in the UD! 

Will’s disappearance has a ridiculous amount of parallels with Vecna’s victims (that will be an entirely different post in the future). Why have Will’s disappearance parallel instances of the mind being targeted where gates open to the UD because of a psychic connection? Will’s mind wasn’t involved or targeted in s1… unless?

This next bit is a bit of a reach and honestly feels unrelated but I’m leaving it anyways:

It’s interesting how the UD messes with electricity when that is a feature of someone using powers as well. The UD functions very similarly to mind powers. For example, in s2, Terry flickered the lights to lead El to her and signal that she wanted to talk. Will did the same things with the lights from the UD. Was Will controlling the lights with his mind by touching them within his mind? 

When El connected Will’s mind to the radio, it blew up. The same thing happened when Will used the phone from the UD. If El using her mind made the radio blew up, then maybe Will using his mind made the phone blow up. Will is “using his mind” by simply using the things in the UD because they are inside of his mind. 

Both Vecna and El are shown to cool themselves down when they are about to use their powers. El opens freezers to focus on finding Dustin in s3 and Vecna “likes it cold” because it’s easier to use powers that way. Maybe they need to be cold to use their powers because the mind is cold? A staple of the UD is that it’s cold!

Joyce gets a vision of Will and says that she can feel him. Is this in the same way that Billy, Will, and Mike could sense El when she contacted them through the void? Was Will contacting Joyce through his mind? Once Will stops trying to get to Joyce after breaking a hole in the wall, Joyce says she can’t feel him anymore. Was Will’s mind being cut off from Joyce’s because he couldn’t open a gate again from lack of energy? Henry and El both went into comas after they used too much of their powers. Will was slipping in and out of consciousness in Castle Byers shortly after this. Maybe he used too much energy trying to open the gate.

More of the UD functioning the same way that powers do:

At this point, I feel like I’m proving that Will has powers rather than the UD being his mind. Basically, Will was using his mind to communicate with Joyce, but not by holding out his hand and getting nose bleeds, he was touching things within his mindscape! He was using his mind, but in a different way because it’s a physical location now.

And now I’m going to end this post here. A lot of the evidence I brought up feels like a reach (and trust me, there were many more reaches I did not include) but here’s a repeat of the strongest evidence: music opened two gates to the UD, Will was actually being transported into the UD during his Vecna visions, psychic connection opens gates to the UD, and Vecna’s mind storm is inside the UD. It all comes back to Will and this would be a perfect way to wrap up the many questions about Will’s significance to Vecna.

As for how this could impact the ending of the show, I am a firm believer that the UD needs to be freed, not defeated. If it truly is Will’s mind, that’s a great way to show Will breaking free from that trauma by literally taking away Vecna’s control. Maybe Will can even take back some of the creatures and get them on his side like Dustin did with Dart, allowing them to take part in the defeat of their own abuser. Will is going to free his mind from Vecna’s abuse.

[thestobingirlie]

i think one reason i personally see a decrease in quality in stranger things is the fact that in the first couple seasons, though all the characters have their own storylines going on, they were all connected by one overarching plot. and as the seasons go by, that overarching plot just makes less and less sense, and doesn’t really connect the plots in any meaningful way.

so, take season one, though the adults are generally focusing on the government, the teens on the demogorgon and the kids on el, all of those plots are ultimately connected to finding will. they’re all moving towards the same goal.

we first start to see the disconnect in season two. the first two plots, will’s possession and the demodogs, are still both connected to the mind flayer. he’s the big bad they have to defeat this season. but el’s plot, and nancy and jonathan’s have nothing to do with the mind flayer. el’s plot is about finding herself/her history, and jancy’s is about justice for barb. i can excuse el’s plot not being connected because ultimately she uses what she’s learnt to defeat the mind flayer. but nancy and jonathan have nothing to really do come the end of the season except join someone else’s storyline. and i think that’s why i find the ‘justice for barb’ storyline kinda… clunky? they talk about “we only hang out when the worlds about to end” but they don’t know that. they have no idea anything to do with the upside down is happening until they’re told.

then season three, we’ve suddenly got an entire russian invasion that scoops troop gets themselves sucked into, and the griswold family are running around after flayed monsters. besides the fact that the russians opened the gate, they’re two entirely different storylines, especially considering that the russians don’t know about the mind flayer. they’re not running around trying to cover up what they’re doing like the american government in season one. then you’ve got the adults running around trying to figure out why people are being pushed off their land and getting chased by the terminator.

in season one, when everyone came together, they all knew will was alive, all they had to do was combine their information to figure out how to save him. but when everyone comes together in season three, they all have entirely different stories that have little to nothing to do with the other. scoops troop got tortured to figure out the russians opened a gate, but the adults were just told. what was the point lmao. (this also just… doesn’t make sense when you think about the fact that this is the third year they’ve all been through something life threatening, and no one tries to reunite or share information before the forth of july. jopper fully leave their kids behind with no care, steve and dustin don’t try to tell the others about the russians, and the others don’t seem to a gaf that two of their friends have dropped off the face of the earth while the mind flayer is going around flaying and killing.)

season four is the worst offender yet. not only are the storylines connected by a thread at best, they’re not even all in america. hawkins gang is trying to defeat the latest ud monster, el is taking a trip down memory lane and relearning exactly what she did in season two, because apparently brenner just magically knew henry would pop back up someday. the cali crew is just trying to find el, and going all the way to utah to do it. and joyce is abandoning her children to get some dick all the way in fucking russia. and the russians somehow have the mind flayer in a box. despite the fact their gate never opened more than a crack, so how did that even happen? i think the duffers knew their plots were so mismatched and tried to connect them but just failed. despite the fact venca’s the big bad of the season, two of the storylines have nothing to do with him. the duffers make up contrived reasons for why no one is contacting each other once again, but i think this style just does not make sense anymore.

in season one, of course they’re not sharing anything, but by this point, with the scale of the monsters they’re up against, why would the cali crew not just stop at a pay phone?

anyway, yeah <3 i think all the disconnected plots make it harder to engage in and enjoy the show, especially because most people spent season four just waiting for their favourite characters to pop up again. and this isn’t even getting into how many useless side characters the duffers keep pushing in. making longer seasons won’t help the show unless they actually use that time for their characters, and not just more and more plotlines.

i honestly think the show would’ve been far better off if they never introduced russia as an actual enemy and just left them a looming threat. a reminder that people are looking out of the country to find enemies, when the government killing citizens and covering it up and hurting children is their own. but that’s a different conversation lmao

tl;dr - season one is about finding will. season two is about defeating the mind flayer and closing the gate, and justice for barb. season three is about stopping the russians and defeating the mind flayer and closing the gate… again but in an even bigger way this time!! season four is about el getting her powers back, and defeating the russians and killing their ud monsters, and two divisions of the american government (one we’re supposed to side with, but both abuse kids), and a man stuck in the ud who is also a serial killer killing kids. it’s also about finding el, and a satanic panic. somehow. the seasons have just gotten too busy! too many characters, and not enough time.

[samaraevanswriter]

Theory - El recognising Will in Season 1

(This idea came about after reading @stranger-chichka 's closet post, post includes some of their images too)

The show and characters never explained how El recognised Will in 1x02...

At the beginning of the episode, Mike gave El the same clothes he wore the day before, grey sweatpants and a blue sweater...

The "it was a seven" outfit.

The same thing Mike was wearing the last time he and Will saw each other...

El's in the homemade fort in the basement, rather seeing her fall asleep, she's upset and we see her start to cry, but not anything that happens next.

The next morning she's using Mike's walkie-talkie. The same one she later, psychicly contacts Will with to show Mike he's alive. (in that same position, in that same outfit might I add)

THE THEORY IS that first night she spent in the Wheelers basement, she entered the dark void and saw Will in the Upside Down. And maybe Will saw her too...

She was wearing Mike's clothes, in Mike's basement. Will would've been in the upside down for 24hrs at this point (assuming the same time passes in there).

Will couldn't find his family before he was abducted, maybe he went back where he came from, back to Mike's basement.

The last safe place he was before being taken.

Maybe that's why she recognises him.

Maybe he recognised the clothes and thought he'd found Mike and was safe again for a moment.

Maybe the fact the first time we ever actually see Will clearly on screen in the UD, he's lying down in Castle Byers, the same way El was when she saw him for the first time too????

Idk man, there's something fishy about them never explaining how El recognised Will.

[erikiara80]

This is my theory so do not count me on this, but I feel like Will wasn't a lab kid, however, I think Brenner and the lab were aware of Will's existence due to Lonnie.

I think the reason Brenner and the lab were interested in Will was that they were searching for a person similar to Henry, I think the reason was that they wanted to send Will to the Upside Down as a test when El was opening the gate for the second time. That's why they already had a replica of Will's body (and I think that's also why Will recognizes Brenner at the desert scene, bc Brenner probably made a contact with Will a couple of times through Lonnie, and it stuck with Will. It is also why El is able to recognize Will in S1 IMHO.)

I think the plan was to send Will to the Upside Down as a test/sacrifice when El opened the gate, and then use Will's already existing fake body to fake his death, and then Lonnie was supposed to be framed for ''killing Will'' or that they planned to blame the entire Byers family since they were already seen as the freaks and the town would not even bother trying to understand the situation, but things did not go as planned when El escaped, Joyce did not give up, Hopper was involved, the kids were involved, etc.

I also think that's how Henry came to learn about Will's existence that night (November 6). Because the lab was after Will, and then Henry came to learn about Will's existence through that, and that's why he tried to go after him first before the lab would be able to get Will.

I still do not know why the UD's appearance changed, personally I think it could be because of Will due to the way the Duffers talk about it being related to Will (and his disappearance) but I think this is the part that will be a major plot twist in the next season.

This is an interesting theory, anon. I remember the blonde woman, in 1x08, asking Brenner : And if they find the boy? Brenner: That's not gonna happen.

I still wonder why he was so sure. Will was still alive, after a week. And Brenner knew he was even able to communicate with Joyce. Every other person who vanished was dead. So why was Brenner curious about Will communicating with Joyce, but also not interested in saving him? It's weird.

Also, I can't believe that Owens in S2, knowing about Henry, didn't suspect that he was the one after Will. And if he knew, is it possible that he thought, Oh, well, makes sense that Henry, who's so powerful, is targeting again this kid who isn't special at all. And he wants to kill everyone but him? Sure! Why not?

There are so many mysteries! What do you think? And what kind of test do you think they wanted to use Will for in the UD?

[theultimatefanficwriter]

Gundham angst. You’re in FF & he’s in UD you two dated before but he went missing (Not knowing he was in UD) as FF you were sent to retrieve him not know it was Gundham. When you see him and his animals you trying to him, but he doesn’t talk or speak. You able to get to him & touch his face. You tell him how much you miss him, the Devas miss them (you have them) & how much you love him. His giant snake attacks your shoulder & your scream causes him to snap out of his trance. Happy end please

Fuck YES! I’ve been wanting to do something with Remnant Gundham for a while! Thanks for giving me the chance!

Reunited with Despair-Gundham Tanaka x Reader

You walked down the halls of the Future Foundation. You had been called to one of the meeting rooms for some reason. You weren’t quite sure why, but you assumed it was for a briefing about the situation on the outside world. You frowned as you thought about it. It still seemed so surreal to you. The whole world just...tearing itself apart?

You shivered as you reached the room you were told to go to. You looked into the door window as you placed your hand an the door handle, and were a bit surprised to only see Makoto, Kyoko, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, Aoi, and Toko in the room, the survivors of Junko’s sick killing game. You furrowed your brow at not seeing any higher level Future Foundation officials and opened the door.

The six looked up as you entered the room. Toko glared at you. “F-f-finally you g-get here.” She muttered.

You smiled and chuckled awkwardly. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to be late...”

“You aren’t late. Don’t worry, Y/N.” Makoto assured you, giving you a kind smile.

You gave him a grateful look as you sat across from him. “I have to admit, I was a bit surprised to only see the six of you. I thought this was a meeting about the outside world’s condition.”

“Nah, this isn’t about somethin’ like that.” Hiro told you, digging in his ear. “This is about mission assignments! We’ve all been given ours and were told to give you yours.”

You tilted your head. “Mission assignments?” You repeated.

Kyoko nodded. “Correct. The Future Foundation has given us each a job to complete. Yours is to retrieve what we believe to be one of the Remnants of Despair.”

Your eyes widened. “Wh...what?! You’re asking me to go capture one of the Remnants by myself?!”

“Of course not.” Byakuya responded, rolling his eyes. “Doing something like that would be suicide, especially for one such as yourself.” He slid something over to you. As you picked it up and examined it, you realized it to be a pager of some kind. “When you locate the target, simply press the button and a fleet of Future Foundation members will come to your aid.” The Togami heir explained.

“You’re basically like a scout!” Hina told you, giving you a bright smile. “You’re just going to scope the area out and let the professionals know where the Remnant is!”

You nodded, relaxing slightly. “R-right. Yeah, that makes sense.” You looked up to them. “When do I leave?”

~~~

You walked along the streets, clutching the megaphone you had been given as protection in case a Monokuma came to attack you. You looked down at the GPS you had that was leading you to the last sighting of the Remnant of Despair.

You furrowed your brow as you thought about the Remnants. You had no idea who they were. You were rescued fairly early on by the Future Foundation. On the day of the Tragedy, you had been extremely sick and unable to go to school, so you had gone to the doctor’s. As you left, you were attacked by a rioter and gravelly injured. You were thankfully rescued by the Future Foundation, and after you healed you were recruited.

That had actually been fairly recently, and no one had yet filled you in on who the Remnants were. “You think that’d be useful information if I’m supposed to retrieve one.” You muttered. “What the hell does ‘You’ll know when you see them’ even mean?” You sighed as you continued following the signal. All you knew was that they were dangerous, and part of the reason the world was the way it was.

The more you thought about it the more you began to worry. What if you couldn’t press the button in time? You’ve heard about all the damage the Remnants have done. What if they got to you and-

The GPS beeped, jolting you out of your thoughts. You looked down and saw that you had arrived. You looked around anxiously and frowned. You didn’t see anything. As you cautiously walked down the street and looked for anything and anyone, you felt something move inside your purse. Looking down, you saw a furry little head pop out.

You smiled. “Hey, Cham-P.” You said softly, petting the hamster with your finger, “You need to stay put, buddy. These streets are really dangerous. We’ll be back at HQ soon.” You tried to gently push the hamster back into your purse, but with a sniff in the air, the large fur ball hopped out and began to scurry across the pavement.

Your eyes widened and you quickly ran after him. “Cham-P!” You exclaimed as you followed the small creature down the sidewalk. “Wait! Come back! You’ll get-” You cut yourself off when you turned a corner. There, sitting in the middle of the road surrounded by an assortment of animals, was someone you didn’t think you’d ever see again.

“G...Gundham Tanaka?”

His head lifted slightly at your quiet whisper of his name, but he made no other sign of acknowledgment. He...didn’t look like you remembered. He still had his iconic purple scarf and strange hairdo you loved so much. But, instead of his normal black coat, he had a fluffy white hood around his head, and what appeared to be a black...straightjacket? Not to mention he had a new scar on the right side of his mouth, and a strange mark on his forehead.

Was this...was this really your missing boyfriend?

Cham-P had stopped a good distance from the strange sight. He was staring straight at the center of it all, and it only confirmed your suspicions. That really was Gundham. And then you realized.

He was a Remnant of Despair.

You were here to capture him.

You felt like you were about to cry. He glanced at the pager in your hand, then over at Gundham. Biting your lip, you placed the pager into your purse. You walked closer to the circle of animals, scooping up the Dark Deva as you did so.

“Gundham?” You called his name again. He didn’t move, only continued to stare at the ground. You glanced at the animals worriedly. Many of them were large ones like elephants, gorillas, even lions. You took slow steps towards your former love, keeping an eye on the guards around him. They watched you closely, and the lions snarled, but none made a move to harm you.

Letting out a sigh of relief, you continued to Gundham, now only a few feet from him. “Gundham, do you hear me?” You asked. “I-it’s me, Y/N.” He lifted his head up and opened his eyes. The two of you kept contact for a while until he closed his eyes once more. You felt your heart break.

“P-please, Gundham.” You shakily walked closer to him. “You don’t know how hard it’s been without you. I-I had no idea what happened to you. I thought you were out there, barely surviving, or worse you’d been killed!” You felt the tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you got within arms length from the man. “I never stopped thinking about you. I-I missed you s-so much, Gundham.” You looked down to your purse and held out your hands. Four little critters crawled out and looked sadly at the man before them. “We all have.”

The Remnant opened his eyes again at that, and when he spotted the hamsters, you swear you saw a spark of light in his eyes. “I’ve been keeping good care of them, Gundham.” You assured him as you placed them back in your purse. You looked up into his eyes sadly. “But I’m no Ultimate Breeder.” You gave a sad smile. “I...I love you so much, Gundham. God, I love you. I’m so happy to see you, b-but at the same time it hurts so much. It hurts seeing you like this.”

You slowly reached a shaking hand out towards him, half expecting him to stop you. But he didn’t. He simply kept eye contact as you slowly caressed his cheek. You sniffed as the tears finally began to fall. “Oh Gundham. You don’t know....You don’t know how badly I’ve missed holding you. I’ve missed you so much, my love.”

You knew what you had to do. You had to alert the Future Foundation of Gundham’s whereabouts. But you also knew what they wanted to do with the Remnants. They wanted to kill them.

You couldn’t allow that, no matter what he had done.

“I can’t lose you.” You muttered. “I thought I had already, but now that I know you’re actually alive...” You clenched your fists, and before you could stop yourself, you threw your arms around his shoulders in an embrace.

And almost immediately you were forced back, letting out a cry of agony.

There was a searing pain in your shoulder as you fell onto your back. As you looked over, tears stinging your eyes, you noticed an extremely large snake latched onto you. It soon began to curl itself around you, constricting you. You tried to get out of it’s grasp, but each move you made only made it hurt more.

You glanced back over to Gundham, about to beg for help, and were surprised to see he was standing. He glared at the snake that was slowly cutting off your air supply. “Arbo-K!” He spoke for the first time since you found him, and his voice boomed all around the deserted street. “Release her at once!”

The snake stopped what it was doing, and after a few moments of not moving, it slowly uncoiled from around you and unsheathed it’s fangs from your shoulder. You began gasping in air and clutching the wound. You looked to Gundham as the snake slithered behind him.

The Remnant began to slowly walk over to you. You looked up to him with frightened eyes. You loved this man with all your heart, but you didn’t know what he was capable of doing anymore.

He stopped in front of you, simply looking down at you for a few moments. And then he extended a hand. You looked at it warily before slowly accepting it. He pulled you to your feet, and when you were standing, you locked eyes with you. “Y/N?” He spoke, his voice gravely and low. “Is...is it truly you?”

You felt a spark of hope in your heart, and you nodded. “Yes! Yes, it’s me, Gundham!” You confirmed, barely stopping yourself from throwing your arms around him again.

The man looked you up and down, examining your uniform. “You...you belong to the Future Foundation.” He stated, his gaze returning to your face.

You nodded, your face turning to a frown. “Yes...and you belong to the Remnants of Despair.”

He nodded as we, sadly examining himself. “It appears I do. However...” He takes your hand in his. “I...I wish to be wherever you are.” Your heart did a thousand happy flips. “You do not understand the despair it brought not knowing your location nor your condition.” He looked to the ground. “In my state of mind, it is one of the reasons I did not search for you. Imagining you dead brought so much despair that my warped mind did not want to ruin that.”

You felt tears threatening to fall once more. “It hurt me too, Gundham.” You told him. “I wanted to know you were alright. I wanted to hold you, kiss you, to tell you how much I loved you. But...I thought you were dead. I never would have thought you had become....this.”

Your boyfriend sighed. “Unfortunately I fell to Junko’s manipulation.” He looked at your uniform again. “...I assume you were sent here to retrieve me, were you not.”

You bit your lip, then nodded slowly. “Y-yes...” You confirmed. “But...but they want to kill you, a-and I can’t let them do that. I won’t let them do that! I-I’ll tell them you’re better! T-that you snapped out of it, t-that-”

Gundham silenced your worried ramblings with a kiss. He pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you and trapping you against him. You closed your eyes and placed your hands on his chest, enjoying what you had missed for so long.

When he finally pulled away, he looked at you, a soft smile on his lips. “Do not fret, my dark queen.” He spoke softly, running his fingers through your hair. “I am sure we will be able to work everything out.”

You smiled lovingly up at him. “You’re right, Gundham. Together we can do anything.”

You’re boyfriend chuckled. “Of course we can.” He held your hand gently and began to lead you away. “Now come. Before you alert your organization, let me tend to your wound.”

You nodded as your smile widened. You followed behind your once lost love, the happiest you had been in a very long time.

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Of Ice and Blood

Part 2

Hello there! I present to you, part 2 of my orc x fem!human series!

I still don't know what to name this fic of mine

I should've thought about the title in the first place lmao

Anyways! I'll try updating constantly if I can. Enjoy reading!

Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: Cursing, lots of cursing. Mild violence and mentions of injury.

UD 01/10/21 : CLEANED AND PROOFREAD PROPERLY (hey I did my best)

(reference to the mask she's currently wearing //her hair is still braided// )

*

Even with the tedious introduction the professor was on about, I couldn’t help but pick up the whispers of my human classmates, and the unmistakable nasty odor they were giving off.

“Hey. Look at that orc over there.”

“Tsk. Beast. Why is it even here—”

“I bet it’s gonna get suspended from breaking someone’s arm.”

“It looks like he’s gonna kill somebody soon.”

Snickers and clicks of disgust went around the group.

The professor shushed them, not quite knowing what they were talking about before he moved on.

I cursed, feeling my blood boil from their words. The orc wasn’t even doing anything! And they slander him like that? I would love to break their fucking ne—

No, damn it! No violence! Mama will go crazy if she finds out I broke someone’s spine. Behave and endure. Remember your training.

...but seriously though, I'm going to fucking snap their legs. Nah, perhaps use pepper spray on their eyes until they go blind, even though the mixture inside my spray bottle wasn’t made to have permanent effects on someone, but it would still cause great discomfort.

I hugged my backpack, the thought of my dusters inside somehow comforting.

I didn’t notice Tai'chi was taking glances at me out of concern while I was imagining how I’d smash those jerks’ faces.

************************************

My mind wandered around the interaction by the gates earlier, and how... contradicting... it was when I entered the building.

Everything passed like a blur as I continued daydreaming about other things, hardly paying attention to what everyone else was saying. Plus it takes a lot of concentration to survive their pungent scents.

A bell rang, bringing me back down to Earth. It was lunchtime already.

Everyone seemed relieved as they started filing out of the area and headed towards the cafeteria. [a/n: Ooh that rhymed] I failed to see the lingering glances of barely masked distaste in our direction.

I glanced at the or— Tai'chi, whom I found out was looking at me already, stunning me at how he stared for a moment before I broke eye contact and stood up, which he also did. I almost fell back down my chair when I scented him.

Wha—

How the fuck did I not smell him before?!

I must’ve focused too much on the awful odor surrounding me that it didn’t register this—

This, oh my God.

To describe it, it was simply so— manly (or is it Orcish?). Like the scent of fresh earth and the warmth of a fireplace in the midst of a cold night. Embers crackling and sending sparks up into the sky.

He doesn’t smell one trace of a beast at all! In fact, I’ve never smelled someone so clean, so pleasant, all the while exuding masculinity, and was that a tad hint of vanilla?

For the first time in a while, I couldn’t place what the feeling was exactly. He simply smells so— good. Which is a positive sign?

I looked up to his eyes once more before I blurted out, probably a little too high-pitched;

“Lunch?”

Seriously? That’s what comes out of your damn mouth?

“I mean, do you want to go grab some lunch? At the cafeteria?” I clarified to sound normal and unaffected, (even when I clearly am).

Was the last part necessary? You’ve broken noses, dealt painful blows like a skilled warrior, but you’re embarrassing yourself.

I was busy reprimanding myself that I nearly missed what he said.

"Sure.”

He straightened up, and I was then faced with the reality of how damn tall he is. Or is it because I’m short? I barely reached over 5 feet, and he is standing there, almost three heads taller than me. Was he hunching for my sake earlier?

Wowie…

I scented a hint of pride, and was that a small quirk of his lips for a second there?

Huh. My mask is a lifesaver, or else he would've seen my jaw dropping.

I followed him out and headed straight for the campus’ cafeteria, all the while trying to converse here and there.

****************************

'Trying’ was not the right word.

Definitely not.

It was surprising, how easy and nice it was to talk to him. I could scent his apprehensiveness when I talked to him at first, but he relaxed not long after I introduced myself properly.

It felt... natural.

I learned that he came from the Northside of the country and moved to the city last year to pursue his dreams and to find a better future for his clan. I also told him about my family and home, along with my reasons for being here, leaving out the… violent part.

“My family and my entire clan wanted the best for me and my brothers. Up in the North, education is… very limited. Although ever since we were young, we were taught everything from our clan’s history, how to hunt for food, what herbs and plants were poisonous, what were medicinal and edible, how to stay alive, survive and so on.”

He paused for a moment before continuing.

“But we were cut off from the modern world. Times are changing, fast. Global warming being a major problem, leaving a huge impact on our living. So, when my clan heard about a school in the city, open to all races, they turned to us, the youth, and we took this chance.”

I looked down and thought about how disconnected the others were, only given the freedom to modern society eight years ago. Eight years is a long time, but I guess it’ll take more than that for everyone to get used to the change. That doesn’t mean they should treat them poorly!

As I realized I’ve been quiet for a while, I shot up and apologized for not replying.

“No, it’s okay. You looked like you were in deep thought. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Y-yeah… I was—”

“Thinking about how the majority of the human race still see us as beasts?”

There was a bit of spite in his voice, although barely noticeable. Or was it because I caught a whiff of it? No one was paying much attention to us while we were walking. But I noticed many of them hastily stepping aside and felt their glares at my back.

“How did you know?” I asked, curious.

“I could tell from your- I could tell, from the way you frowned earlier when one of those humans said something.”

Oh. He was looking at me that time?

“Frowned? But my mask—”

“It’s easy to tell if you are frowning when your eyebrows scrunch up like that. Believe me, my father does that a lot.”

“Ah. Well. It was just very rude of them. To talk shit about you and your kind like that, as if they were any better. You weren’t even doing anything, and they judge you based on your race. Orcs are civilized and intelligent just like any other, and I don’t understand why there’s still so much prejudice after eight damn years—”

I stopped and restrained the urge to go wild and curse every single human who smelled so foul every time we pass by.

“Sorry. I was...rambling.”

Was I this talkative? Maybe it's because I never had anyone to talk to.

He didn’t reply, which I found strange, so I glanced over at him and saw his eyes wide open and brows shooting up in surprise. It was almost comical.

“Uh, Tai'chi?”

Before he could even utter a word, we arrived at a huge hall where students were chatting and enjoying their lunch. Still, I noticed some humans were giving unkind looks to a gathering of goblins eating at the far left side corner of the cafeteria.

And of course, I didn’t fail to smell that wretched odor coming from a group of girls on my right when we walked in. I also recognized the one who pushed me, (No doubt it was intentional). I had to pinch my nose over my mask just but I could only block out half of it.

Ah shit, this mask doesn’t have proper air filtration.

I groaned as I tried to cut off the noise and thickened scents. For real, I wasn’t expecting it to be this harsh! I could literally smell discrimination and hate in the air!

Fuck. I should’ve worn my other mask. I swear I’m gonna burst if I stay and inhale more of that any longer—

“Pearl, are you okay?”

I groaned again and didn’t reply, busy controlling my sense of smell to even open my mouth. We were standing there like a pair of street posts, blocking a small part of the main entrance. That is if there was a 5ft- tall post. I’m more like that foldable caution sign.

“Pearl—”

“Hey, you there! Freaks! Move out of the way.”

Great. Another awful fucking odor. And what a coincidence! It was the one I smelled this morning!

“Are you deaf? I said—”

He shouldn’t have grabbed my shoulder, shouldn’t have tried to shove me aside, for the second I felt his hand reaching for me, and before Tai'chi could pull me away, my reflexes kicked in.

What did I do exactly? Oh, I simply grabbed that damned arm of his, threw him over my shoulder, and slammed him down on the tiled floor in front of me, finishing a one-arm shoulder throw.

The people in the area halted what they were doing and a short-lived silence came over, broken by whispers.

So much for keeping a low profile.

The guy I just performed basic self-defense on was spitting curse words at me. He was still on the floor, trying not to voice the pain in his back.

“Freak! You’re a monster, aren’t you?! How dare you do this to me. Don't you know who I am?!" he yelled.

Did he mean me or? Either way, what he said was not true.

I tried to calm my anger down and gave him a forced smile, under my mask, and mustered up the voice and tone I always used when I’m annoyed.

But right now, I am pissed.

“Now, dear, fellow, human, what you said was clearly untrue. I am entirely human and this person beside me is an orc. Or were you blinded by your overgrown ego and disgusting attitude to see the obvious in front of you? Surely that must be it. The entrance to the cafeteria is wide enough for two people to not serve as a hindrance to the ones coming in, but still, you chose to try and shove me aside yourself. Well, I won’t apologize but I’ve had enough pushing for one day. And lastly, no, I do not know you and I don’t care.”

I gritted my teeth, my face hurting from smiling forcefully. The cafeteria was quite silent enough all the while and no doubt they heard every word I said.

Fuck.

I twisted around and bolted out of the building.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! I blew it! Fucking blew my chance to have a normal college life! Now everyone will think I’m some crazy person and would, without a doubt, avoid me forever.

I was too busy cursing and walking away, planning to hide in a hole for all eternity that I didn’t feel the presence of someone following me.

Without thinking much of where I was heading, my feet led me to a secluded part of the uni. Tall trees lining up before and around me looking like an entrance to a forest, and so I tried hiding behind one. Hoping that the guards wouldn’t notice and detain me or something.

I sat down between the great roots of an oak tree and rested my head on top of my knees as I took deep breaths and listened.

Nature always had a place in my heart. How could it not? When you can hear the chirps of little birds, the soothing sound of leaves rustled by the wind. And the peace that comes with it all.

Not to mention it smells so relaxing.

“Hello there.”

************************************

Haha! What will Pearl do next I wonder, and who is this person who followed her??

Had to cut it off at that part because my dearest self just loves cliff hangers—

And because I wanted to post something as soon as possible.

Hope you enjoyed! I will be working on the third part asap.

Tags: @kokokatsworld @crackinanutshell

[romancemoved]

✨ ❝waves.❞ 🌙  udyati & vi.

✨ @dvarapala​ ud gets to see some art.

❝Back when I was in college, I used to go to this little slam poetry venue. Now, look, I think a lot of slam poets are... Um. They're—❞ Virote wasn't one to mince words, but he struggled in finding a way to not say a word relating to ‘ pretentious douchebag ’ or anything adjacent to that. ❝Anyway. On Saturday nights, they'd invite an artist on stage and poets to work alongside their house band. The band would play, the poets would do their own thing, and the artist would just paint whatever came to mind at the moment. I was an artist for the night and I decided to paint the flutist. She was... Awesome. She was part of a jazz ensemble and I was obsessed with how talented she was. I remember the first song on sage. It was a pretty cool rendition Waves by Jeremy Steigs. I don’t remember the other songs.❞

He reached out to touch the painting with gentle hands, recalling how that night was actually... Really amazing. It was a first for him. Scary, but fun. He wasn’t even high! Just a little drunk, but not even by that much. ❝The thing is, when you're painting up on stage, the canvas is facing the audience and your back is turned to them. They see everything you're doing. You don’t see them. You just see the band playing and you hear the poet. Weird, right? It was exhilarating, though. Like, I’d definitely do it again. I still email the flutist. We’ve been in contact for years.❞

[guessmonsta]

YOUR BOKUTO + KUROO WINGMAN FIC WAS SO FUNNY!!!! I was literally laughing the whole way through. The way you write is so funny and wholesome I can't get enough of it. If it's possible, can you please please please do a part two to the Bokuto fic? I just wanna see him fall in love, that's all. Thank you so much!

If you read ANY of my college AU fics involving Bokuto, Kuroo, or Tendou, you know that I made them all friends. They need to be friends, I don’t even care what you say or what you believe. Tendou was cheated from being in the third gym, period. He’s stupid and lovely and has stupid crazy hair and would be best friends with Kuroo and Bokuto instantly. Also this is stupid long, and for what? And for what? I’ll probably end up doing part three too??? And that's being a slut for Bokuto. 

Also here’s part one 

Bokuto stared blankly at his phone screen, almost expecting something to happen without him putting the work in. 

Her contact stared back at him, reading, “__”, with a bunch of heart emojis after her name. He would never admit that he put the hearts there himself, though. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to gain out of just staring at her phone number, his phone wasn’t going to text her itself. To be honest, Bokuto hadn’t created a mental plan past talking to her in the cafe that Saturday,and he sure as hell never expected her to give him her number. He wasn’t even sure how long he was supposed to wait before he texted her. It was Monday morning, had he waited too long? Did she forget about him all together? Does she even want him to text her? 

Bokuto shook his head and sighed, then set his phone face flat on the dining hall table. His friend, Satori, looked up at him, and cocked an eyebrow. 

“Somebody’s got his panties in a twist today.” Satori hummed, setting his own phone down in the same fashion. 

“You think I wear panties?” 

Satori stared at him dumbfounded, then scrunched his face. Choosing to ignore it, he took a jab at his fruit salad, then chuckled. 

“Is it that girl?” 

“Wait, how do you know?” 

“You say this as if Kuroo didn’t post a three minute long video to his snapchat story about spitting up iced coffee everywhere in public.” Satori laughed. 

“Drama queen.” Bokuto sighed. “I just really don’t know how to talk to girls.” 

“You?” Satori cocked his eyebrow again. “You don’t know how to talk to girls?”

“Nope.” 

“Damn.” Satori chuckled again. “See, I was under the notion that you were a popular Pretty Boy in high school. I mean, look at you,” Satori’s eyes scanned Bokuto up and down, then he winked. “You’re like the universal standard for male attractiveness.” 

“I mean, I guess, but,” Bokuto sighed. Getting dejected over nothing wasn’t his plan for this morning, but Satori knew how to handle it. “When I was in high school I never really put a lot of thought into dating girls. Like yeah, I had a couple girlfriends here and there, but, like, volleyball was my real girl, you know?” 

Satori shot Bokuto a stank face, then shook his head. 

“You mean to tell me in high school, in your prime, you could have gotten any girl you wanted and you were the asshole who turned girls down because volleyball came first? Wo-ow, what a problem you have.”

“I know! I know. Now that’s my problem. If I had paid more attention to my relationships in high school then maybe texting this girl wouldn’t be so hard.” Bokuto shrugged. Maybe Satori didn’t know how to handle it all that well, because all he could offer was a confused stank face. 

“Listen, you and I both know that you’re hot. If she gave you her number, then she’s obviously into you. Just shoot you shot.” 

“But I don’t play basketball, Satori!” Bokuto groaned. “And what am I even supposed to say? “Hey remember those two idiots who came in and spit up everywhere? Hi!” 

“Yes! Literally that’s exactly what you should say!” 

“But should I?” 

“God have mercy! You’re hopeless!” Satori sighed dramatically, then flinged a grape off of his plastic fork at Bokuto’s face. Bokuto winced, then ate the grape to spite him. “Oh, and you better get moving, your practice starts in ten minu-utes.” 

Bokuto looked back at his phone, and realized it was 9:50. If he had texted __ now, he would be thinking about her replying all throughout practice. If he had waited to text her until later, he would be thinking about what to say the entire time anyway. It was a lose lose situation for silly little Bokuto in love, he realized. He finished his waffles in a hurry, gave Satori a quick, harsh, and unexpected bro-hug, then jogged off to practice. 

By the time practice was over, Bokuto was sweaty, tired, and couldn’t stop thinking about __. He knew that Kuroo had been watching him all throughout practice, especially when he cackled when he missed a very direct hit on the cleanest set he had ever seen. Kuroo took a seat next to him on the bench, wiped his forehead with a rag, then snapped it against Bokuto’s arm. 

“Ow!” Bokuto jumped, grabbing the towel from Kuroo’s hands then wiping it against Kuroo’s ass as he attempted to jump up and run away. Kuroo cackled again, something he seemed to be doing a lot lately. Bokuto’s crush was a free ticket to Comedy Central for Kuroo. 

“Satori texted me and told me you were a pain in the ass at breakfast.” 

“Did he actually?” Bokuto whined. 

“No.” Kuroo chucked. “But he didn’t have to tell me you were having a crisis for me to know that you’re having a crisis.” 

“You know me that well, bro?” 

“Always, bro.” Kuroo held one hand over his heart, then pat Bokuto on the back. “But you gotta text her.” 

“O-okay, o-okay fi-ine.” Bokuto sighed. “What do I even say?” 

“Listen, just because I’m charming and handsome doesn’t mean that I can carry your entire relationship for you and that lovely little barista.” Kuroo shrugged. “Just be yourself. She obviously likes you.” 

Bokuto whipped his phone out of his pocket, and it automatically opened to __’s contact. Kuroo’s cheeks puffed up into a laugh, then he wheezed, again. Maybe Bokuto had to stop being so obvious. 

Bokuto clicked the message icon, and quickly, without even thinking, typed- 

Hey __! It’s Owlboy Sexyman from the cafe Saturday. How are you!

And he sent it. Without a second thought. He sighed, then set his phone down on the bench. 

Before Kuroo could even ask him what he sent, he heard his phone chime. Bokuto gasped, then Kuroo gasped, and Bokuto leaped for his phone. 

Hey Bokuto! 

I was starting to think you didn’t see my number on the cup lmao 

“She remembers my name!” Bokuto beamed. “She remembers my name, Kuroo! Oh my god!” 

Bokuto jumped up from the bench, and turned his screen to Kuroo. 

“Oh my god, dude, stop, stop, I can’t read the message, you’re jumping too much.” Kuroo laughed. “What did she say!” 

Bokuto tossed his phone at Kuroo, then clapped his hands together into a praying motion. 

Kuroo read the messages, then cocked an eyebrow. 

“Du-ude.”

“Du-ude!” Bokuto couldn’t stop beaming.

“Bokuto, where the hell was this energy during practice!” An older teammate shouted at him, then laughed. Bokuto ignored this statement completely. Once he got the ball moving, it was going to keep its momentum. 

Later at his dorm, Bokuto sat on his bed with his phone in his hands. He felt like he looked like his little sister. She used to spend all day in her room snapchatting boys and trying to find the perfect lighting to take pictures of herself. He never really understood it, but as he was sitting here waiting for a text back from __, he felt that same energy. 

He had never really liked a girl this much ever before in his life. He wasn’t even sure what it was. What went from a small admiration over how beautiful and sweet she looked behind the counter at the cafe turned into a full blown admiration after his minute long conversation with her. Everything about her was just so cool, so collected, she made him feel the same way volleyball made him feel, how he felt when he saw a cute dog when he was out on a jog. She was the first day of summer and waking up on Christmas morning. He could feel his excitement for her vibrate all the way to his fingertips. 

You remembered my name! 

Of course I do! You and your friend literally made my entire day on Saturday, haha. 

I went back to my dorm and told my roommates the whole story lmao

Do you go to Todai? 

Yeah! I’m in my first year. What about you? 

Me too! 

Sucks I’ve never seen you around. 

Todai is so big I feel like if you see somebody once you never see them again. 

I’ll keep a look out for you tho ;) 

Where do you dorm? 

I’m in Komaba on the 20th floor :( 

I love the view but some days the elevators are full so I have to take the stairs and it’s terrible 

I’m at Komaba too! 

But on the fourth floor haha 

I guess it’s a nice workout though 

I haven’t been doing much exercise since volleyball ended in high school 

Do you still play? 

Yeah, Kuroo and I are on the schools team 

Oh

Kuroo is the guy who spit everywhere 

Kuroo’s a legend

I thank him for his service 

And that's seriously super cool. I wasn’t good enough to play for college, haha. 

I miss it though

Well, if you were busy playing volleyball, you wouldn’t have anytime to be the cutest barista ever 

As soon as Bokuto sent the message, he regretted it. Was that really all he had to say to her?

Omg, awh, don’t flatter me

We should meet up! What are you up to right now? 

Bokuto felt his face flush a thousand degrees. He had no idea how to contain his excitement around her, let alone his obvious crush. A small giggle escaped him as he typed back. 

I’m honestly doing nothing but texting you in my dorm right now. 

Me too, haha

We should go get food or something together! 

My next class isn’t till 3

Before Bokuto could even ask her what her room number was, he found himself running up sixteen flights of stairs to meet her. Where this sudden adrenaline came from, he had no idea, and if any of the older guys on the team saw him, they would tease him more about not using this energy in practice. Once he reached the twentieth floor, he was breathless. The whole thing gave him flashbacks to running to meet Kuroo a couple days before. All he wanted right now was to see her. 

He looked down at his phone, then typed a quick, 

What's your dorm number? 

I’m in room 2016 :) 

Two seconds later, Bokuto found himself standing in front of the door, and knocking lightly. He heard something crash from the inside, and a small string of mumbled curses. When the door opened up in front of him, his heart skipped three beats when his eyes met hers. 

She was significantly shorter than him, by a foot, if he was guessing right. Her hair was down and cascaded over her shoulders, something he hadn’t seen before. Somehow, she was even prettier with her hair down than she was worth it pulled back for work. Pretty __ eyes blinked once, twice, and a small, confused smile parted into a laugh. 

“How the hell did you get up here this quick?” She chuckled, motioning for him to step inside the dorm. “Are you secretly superman and you’re not telling me?” 

“If I told you I ran up here before I asked for your room number, would that be weird?” He sighed. He was still a little bit breathless, but the last thing he wanted was to lose his composure. She took a seat on her desk chair, and spun herself around in a circle before stopping and shaking her head. 

“Nah, I’ll take it. I don’t like superman anyway. Now, if you had said Thor, that’s a different story.” She giggled. “You didn’t have to sprint up here you know. I could’ve met you in the dining hall.” 

Bokuto honestly hadn’t even realized that was an option, even though it was much more realistic. He hadn’t even realized he was standing in the prettiest girl in the world’s bedroom until his eyes met hers again. 

Oh god, and she was so pretty. He could hear Kuroo and Satori mocking him in the back of his head as he stared at her pushing herself into another circle in her desk chair. 

“I know I didn’t have to.” He said, his voice almost cracking. “But I figured you’d like it.” Smooth recovery. 

“Honestly?” She shrugged, “I can’t say somebody has ever ran up sixteen flights of stairs for me, so yeah. I take it as an honor” 

__ then stood up, then led Bokuto out of her dorm. 

“We can take the elevator down this time.” 

“Thank god.” Bokuto sighed. “No offense, but 32 flights of stairs isn’t worth it for anyone.” 

“Hey, I get it. Three flights of stairs isn’t worth it for me, so you’re already breaking a record.” 

At the dining hall, they just talked about little things. Where they went to high school, what they were majoring in, their favorite animal, which both happened to be dogs, and what type of dogs they liked. They shared funny stories from high school, like the time Kuroo accidentally swallowed a beetle at training camp, and she told a shocking story about the “accident” at her own school. He was so interested in talking to her that he forgot that he was supposed to be eating, and he never forgets about that. 

Their relationship was obviously flirtatious, but Bokuto couldn’t tell if she was flirting with him in the way Kuroo flirted with people, or in a way where she actually liked him. In bed that night, the last thing he thought about was her sitting across from him in the dining hall, and he had a feeling his mind would replay her face for a while.

[books0977]

Day Dreams. Paul-Gustave Fischer (Danish, 1860-1934). Oil on panel.

Fischer’s first breakthrough came in 1882 when he created illustrations for the magazine Ude og hjemme, after which he came into contact with young Danish naturalists. Though he began his career by depicting city life, he soon incorporated richer and lighter colors into his palette after a stay in Paris from 1891-1895.

[victorscanero]

FELT// Chapter two [tyrus]

Hey okay guys so the rest of the book will in cyrus' pov sorry of thid makes anything confusing I deeply apologize.

If you haven't seen chapter one that's here:

It's been weeks since Amber and I first hung out and we have been hanging out every day since. We have hung out so much that buffy and Andi were getting jealous, After I told Amber she suggested that the we have a mini party while her parents are out, Nothing crazy just a few friends of amber and T.J. that way there isn't so much pressure. "You would sit through Jandi drama for me?" I asked in aw. Amber gave me a look "Jandi...drama?" She asked clueless. "Jonah and Andi. it's their ship name." I sighed disappointed at my friends lack of fandom knowledge. "Right...anyways if it gets too bad I'll just talk to you but I think I can handle it." she laughed "and T.J. is going to agree to this?" "And is T.J. gonna agree with what?" T.J. asked slowly looking towards Amber. "Small party tonight! very tiny but you can invite reed and lester." Amber smiled hoping he would just go along with "Why would I do that when I could just hang out with reed and lester in my room?" He asked "because the party has to look chill and laid back and unforced." Amber said  "So to not make it look forced you're going to force me?" T.J. rose an eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it must seem. T.J. and Amber to both break eye contact and looked at me "This really is crazy maybe we should just deal with the forced awkwardness of hanging out with buffy and Andi" "No, I'll do it." T.J. said "but it is crazy" he smiled at both of ud before turning around and leaving. Amber rolled her eyes and we began planning.

-------------------------------------------------------------                       

The party seemed to be going well Jonah,gus and walker were hitting it off and Andi and Buffy were off to a fresh start there were others, but none that I really cared to talk to, that was until I saw T.J. alone at a table.

“What happened to your friends” I asked pulling out a chair to the right of T.J. at the end of the table he seemed taken back I assumed it was because the most I've spoken to him in the past weeks were when he would answer the door, but even then he just called for Amber and left.

After a moment, he replied. “Lester is looking for pudding despite my attempts of telling him we don't have any and I sent reed home.” he said “why'd you send reed home?” I asked letting my curiosity take hold. he raised an eyebrow and I began to regret prying “Do you always ask intruding questions?” but then laughed “Reed is... complicated.” he adding shaking his head “Great friend, but we are very different.” here's where I realized I made the mistake of assuming I knew who T.J. was. “I also might have gotten tired of his comments about my sister”  he said causing me to laugh “Just tell him to ask her out she's been dying to use one of her reject lines” I smiled turning to where she was at i watched as her and Andi were dancing and for a moment I thought maybe she could lime her too

Just for a moment though because before i could blink Jonah was pulling her away. her smile falling only for a moment before turning around and sitting next to amber

“Cyrus?” I heard turning my head “yeah?” I asked looking at T.J. “You didn't hear me did you?” he said looking amused my face fell “Sorry I was seeing how Amber and Andi were doing.” truthfully that happened a lot, me getting distracted worrying about other people but he didn't need to know that. “Yeah so was I” he said still looking at amber when he turned to me i guess he could see my confusion because he then asked me a question i wasn't sure how to answer “Amber likes Andi, doesn't she?” i thought I sensed a bit of sadness in his voice and hoped it was because she didn't tell her and not it was a girl that she liked I waited too long to respond i know I did silence says a lot but i answered him anyways “I think if you want to know something about Amber, you should ask Amber.”

I partly felt like it was my fault he asked. If I lied and said i was just say dreaming, the conversation would have been off them and T.J. wouldn't have asked.

“How are my favorite boys doing?” Amber perked between us a hand touching each of our shoulder “We were doing fine before you showed up.” T.J. joked causing me to smile because relief of T.J. being mad at her went away.  “Aw! that's what i said when you were born.” she took a seat beside me “Amber we're twins” T.J. said in a duh tone. Amber reached her arms back pretending to stretch “best 8 minutes of my life” she sighed “So how exactly do we kick everyone out of the house now that you guys are… Shall I say friends? We should watch the conjuring tonight.” she smiled “I'm down” T.J. smiled clamping his hand on my shoulder and getting up “IT WAS NICE HAVING EVERYONE COME AGAIN NEXT TIME” he shouted at the 10 people in the living room “well that's a passive aggressive way to tell someone to get out” I smiled walking to sat the living room and saying bye to buffy and walker before she left i couldn't find andi and jonah so I assumed they had gone home. After about 15 minutes the house was cleared. “I told him” Amber smiled “told who what?” I asked “i told T.J. said i looked really happy talking to andi and then said i always look happy when i talked about andi so he asked me if i liked her and i may have ended up telling him i liked girls and he was cool with it.” my face dropped and i took her hand and smiled “Amber! That's great I'm so happy for you!” I said and i meant it i was unbelievably happy for her. “yeah i know” she was still smiling “Can you spend the night?” “yeah but I have to walk to my house first and get some things first.” I said “T.J.!” Amber called from the room we were in and T.J. came in seconds later “yeah?” “Cyrus is spending the night so can we take him to get his clothes?” Amber asked “Yeah if we can go now I'm ready to watch the movie” he said

I forgot all about the movie I thought I could sneak past it but seeing as T.J. is excited for it and I want to have some kind of connection with him i decided to just deal with it.

The car ride there was nostalgic fergie bops Glamorous, big girls don't cry, and london Bridge. Most people i know listened to these songs but i was still shocked to see T.J. sing all the lyrics to fergalicious. Me and Amber were both in the back screaming the lyrics along with him and when we got to my house only Amber ran in with me. I told my mom I would be back tomorrow around 6:00 and we left. Amber begged to stop by the store and seeing a neither me or T.J. wanted to go in we both stayed in the car.

“So” T.J. turned around to face me “ I know about Amber.” he seemed happier than when I first found out he suspected it. “And you're okay with it?” I asked finding that having a conversation with T.J. was becoming less and less forced. He nodded “I'm just really happy she's happy” he smiled “Plus it is a relief knowing she won't ever date reed just to piss me off again”

I laughed at that “Again?” I questioned he raised an eyebrow “She didn't tell you?” I shook my head “ofcourse she didn't tell you she was probably embarrassed. Anyways, well In 6th grade i broke a vase, it wasn't important and it was 10 dollars but,  i blamed it on Amber anyways. She didn't get in trouble she actually got a hug for crying at my accusations but she was out for revenge anyways and ending up dating reed for a whole week. He cheated which obviously amber didn't care since she had zero feelings for him but to this day she regrets it because reed thinks that's whole reason she won't get back together with him” he explained the story and it was my turn to raise an eyebrow “No one thought to tell him she never had feelings for him? That could end this whole thing.” I laughed surprised.

“Reed hitting on amber has been a thing since elementary school no matter how much either of us complain the moment Reed gets into a real relationship and stops will be a very sad day” he said before I could reply I heard a known on the trunk and turned to see Amber, her figure disappearing behind the hood as she lifted it up.

“You heard all of that and we will make sure she knows you know.” T.J. smiled at me before turning back around. Amber came in the car and I couldn't help but make the first punch. “it's funny you have a crush on andi who has short hair and dated reed who has short hair… you must have a type” I smiled innocently “T.J. YOU TOLD HIM” she pulled the strings on her hoodie hiding her face “Sorry I couldn't help it, you can't just let your friends stay alone with me and not expect me to tell your darkest secrets!” he cranked up the car beginning to drive off “T.J. thought you were in love with me when we first started hanging out” that shocked me but i couldn't help but burst out laughing along with her “I did for a week and then i told you i think that's just how he acts” he said “what is that even supposed to mean” I continued to laugh “you know like your nice I noticed your nice to everyone” T.J. started to drive and the laughter died down “that's so not true!” I said knowing that it was very much true “Dude, Jenkins dropped his books while knocking yours out of your hand and you helped him pick his up.” T.J. laughed “that's so cyrus” amber said “Jenkins isn't that bad he is just douchey” i said knowing he was THAT bad. “Trust, he is i play basketball with him. That reminds me, if you ever decide to be fully out Amber and Jenkins gives you shit let me know. He is known for being homophobic.” We pulled into the driveway and she jumped out “That's the exact opposite of what I'm going to do but thank you for the tip” i began to wonder if that's why jenkins was always a total dick to me, could he tell I was gay? I pushed the thoughts aside when we got to Amber's room we all decided to watch it there and Amber had the bright idea to make a fort so we brought in chairs and blankets and moved her bed to the side and the mattress off of it.

A/n this ended weirdly but i wanted to start chapter 3 from the fort being done.

[roselyn-ravenblade]

Return and Recover

{ Some Rp that occurred between @natereising and Roselyn here in Discord. Sharing it because <3 Thank you for reading if you do! }

To Ms. Roselyn Handhour

Care of the Cathedral of Light Stormwind City Dear Ms. Handhour, I hope this parcel finds you in good health. During my last visit to the Cathedral District in Stormwind I had the brief pleasure of meeting you when our paths quite literally crossed. Before I had the opportunity to return your sketchbook, you had vanished into the crowd. I hope you do not think it too forward of me as I took the liberty of opening it in search of some means of identifying the owner. That name led me to you. Rest assured that my search only took me as far as the inside cover, so I remain ignorant of the contents as not to invade your privacy any further. Best Wishes, Nathaneal Reising Menethil Harbor

Nathaneal glanced over the letter one final time, debating whether or not to simply send the parcel by mail. While it certainly would have been easier, the writer knew that he would not trust one of his journals to be handled with sufficient care in transit. The proper thing would be to deliver it himself, regardless of how uncomfortable it made him. The towering walls of the Cathedral seemed like an insurmountable challenge, yet he had to press on. Lowering his gaze to the cold stones beneath his feet, the man trembled as he shuffled across the threshold. Had he looked up, Nathaneal would have seen a young woman in a nun’s habit approach. She spoke some kind words of welcome, yet the man did not seem to listen. Ms. Roselyn Handhour. Ms. Roselyn Handhour. Ms. Roselyn-- “Sir?” the woman asked curiously to the seemingly frozen form of Nathaneal. Looking up, he drew in a deep breath before carefully speaking the words he had been practicing in his mind. “M-m-m-ms R-r-r-ose,” was all he managed to get out before the words caught in his throat. His shoulders tensed as a few sputtered sounds came forth. His arms clutching the sketchbook closer to his chest, he blinked his eyes several times in his struggle for the proper sounds. “Ha-ha-hand--” “Ms. Roselyn Handhour?” the nun quickly finished for him. “Try the Gilded Rose. And if you find her, tell her to come back to the church pantry. We can spare some food. Silly girl. ” Without another word, the man bowed rigidly to the woman, his eyes not leaving the floor as he turned to make his swift egress. With a quickened pace, Nathaneal made his way to the Trade District.

The Gilded Rose was of course crowded for poor Nathaneal, one-too-many people turning to look his way as he would make his entrance. The nun had offered to hold the sketchbook and put it into the proper hands when found, but clearly the man was on a mission. The innkeeper struggled to hear the stammering Nathaneal over the noise the drunken pair of lads were making at the bar, taking turns making up the words to some slurred sailor diddy at the bar. They just…were not very good at holding the tune. Or their beer. It ought to have been easy to find a Rose at a Rose, but it seemed it was more of a challenge than it should have been. On the upper floor of the tavern the artist tried to keep to her own little table, her head and hair in her hands in some defeat. She’d looked everywhere she could for her sketchbook, and it was killing her that she’d lost another little piece of Gilneas that was left.

Weaving in and out of the drunken patrons, Nathaneal forced his attention to the individuals scattered around the tavern. Though as soon as someone set their sights on him, the awkward man seemed to recoil, regardless of the distance between himself and the onlooker. Ducking his head to avoid further eye contact with any one person, he continued to scan the room. Having no luck on the first floor, Nathaneal was relieved that as he ascended the stairs to the second floor, the area seemed a little more sparsely covered. He glanced to a young woman sitting alone, looking a bit more sullen than the rest of the raucous lot. While he hadn’t had a good glimpse of her during their encounter a few days prior, the man thought at least she might be the safest to approach in hopes of finding the owner of the sketchbook. Licking his lips to wet them, he took a few hesitating steps closer. The book still held tightly to his chest, he attempted to clear his throat to draw the woman’s attention.

The sullen woman had started to lift her head from the table, dewey amber eyes peering out helplessly from choppy, curling mahogany locks. She stared through blurring tears at the gent that began to approach her table, and on gradually recognizing him, she shot up from her chair like a bullet. "Ohhh....!" her lips were captured with the surprise, face a conflict of relief and pain as she nearly tried to mob the poor man with her sketchbook in his arms.

Nathaneal stared in wide eyed horror as the woman leapt from her chair. Taking a stumbling step backwards, his arms shoved the book forward almost as if in tribute. The letter he carried with it fell from his hands, fluttering down until it came to rest at her feet. He made no attempt to speak, fearing that the women's sudden movement would thrust him over the banister at his back and the pair of them would tumble to the bar below. And, to be honest, he knew that he wouldn't be able to get any words out until it was too late anyway. Instead he braced himself for a potential impact.

Roselyn seemed to regain herself just before actually crashing into the man, very aware of his own reaction and not wanting a repeat of what had happened in the trade district tunnel a day ago. Sheepishly  pursing her lips together, she  whispered out a trembling little chuckle of "'m'sorry..." and wiped her face of its wetness. Sniffling, she bent to pick up the letter that fluttered to the ground before rising again to gently reach, curling her fingers around the edges of the sketchbook, waiting until he released  it before taking it herself.

He readily relinquished the book, relieved to return it to its rightful owner. Arms falling to his sides, the man seemed to straighten, thought he could only make brief periods of eye contact. "S-s-sorry," he made a soft apology, inwardly thankful of the letter that was in the women's hands. At least that way, he wouldn't have to explain anything more verbally. Or so he hoped.

Standing there awkwardly for a moment as she now closed the sketchbook to her chest, Rose smiled weakly at his apology, shaking her head, realizing all she really had to say was "sorry" in the moment, and it would seem a vicious circle of apology. What was done, was done. It was fixed now, and she bobbled her head in a nod at him again...as if the poor man was expected to grasp on her awkward visual cues somehow? At last she formed words to try to articulate her thankfulness. "It...it means a lot? I...ehm. I mean. I've other sketchbooks but...this one's a bit special?" She murmured even her explanations as inquires, hoping she made some kind of sense.

Nodding in understanding, Nathaneal offered her a faint smile, though his brow remained creased in concern. He bowed his head as he attempted to speak.  "G-g-glad I c-c-could find you, M-m-miss." He clasped his hands behind his back, shifting his weight from one foot to the next. He shot a glance to the staircase to his left, calculating the fastest escape route.

At ease, but painfully aware of the man's discomfort, Rose nodded silently, not wanting to keep him longer than he wanted to be. He had certainly done enough on his own end. If anything, he made her feel more awkward by the second. "Okay. I'm...I'm thinking I'm going to leave...?" She tried, indicating that it was alright for him to do the same.

His tensed shoulders seemed to relax at the prospect of making his retreat, yet he didn't waver from his spot. "I c-c-could w-w-w--" His face contorted as he fought with the word that refused to come. A light tap of a finger to his leg turned into a more forceful, repetitive pat. In a sudden burst of sound, Nathaneal was able to continue. "Walk you ou-out."

"Uh..." Roselyn uttered the sound with soft uncertainty, watching Nate struggle with concern. "Only if you want to?" She smiled weakly, puffing out a little nervous chortle that ran through her words. "Don't want to run into you again." She'd stop herself, squeezing her eyes shut hard at how rude that sounded. "...I...ehm...I mean literally. With the tunnel? And....things like that." A hand flashed out at her side to try to add to her emphasis of what she meant. She'd start to scoot forward slowly for the stair, giving Nate time to decide how he would like to exit, or position himself near her.

Walking at her side, the man didn't dare look up from the floor. It was a miracle he was able to dodge the other tavern goers so easily. "N-n-na," he started to attempt a word, yet quickly fell into a defeated silence. Drawing in a trembling breath, a soft sigh escaped on the exhale. His attention finally lifted to the door exiting the Gilded Rose. A look of relief washed over his features. Just a few more steps…

Light filtered in through the Gilded Rose as Roselyn pushed open the door, introducing the two back to the outdoors they were eager on seeing. She waited for Nathaneal to slip out before she followed suit. The letter had been scrunched up in her hand, and realizing that, she shifted the sketchbook in her arms to take a moment to read over it. A long moment, rather, that gave Nathaneal yet another moment to make his full escape as she was distracted. Rose was softly smiling at the letter then, uttering a quiet "Thank you, Mister Reising. For...for all the trouble. And...ehm. walking me out, here." He had beautiful, impeccable handwriting, and Rose kept finding her eyes drawn back to his words.

The moment they moved back outdoors, Nathaneal's rigid, almost clockwork posture eased to something more human. He breathed an audible sigh of relief to be free of the crowds of the Gilded Rose. He waited while Roselyn finished the letter, a soft smile playing about his lips as he nodded. "Y-y-you needn't th-thank me.  I know h-h-how dev-devastated I would be if-if I lost one of m-m-my journals." The words came a bit more fluidly, even his tone relaxed. "I-I am g-glad that I w-w-was able to f-find y-you."

A quick nod, a little embarassed with her train of thought as she folded the letter back into the pages of her sketchbook. As Nate seemed to relax, so did she, though for a long moment she didn't know what else could be said. Then, suddenly: "Is it horr'ble that it's not quite the first time've lost it?" She chortled through a corner of her mouth with that not-quite-smile.

He chuckled warmly, his smile brightening. "N-no. Not h-h-horrible. Th-thankfully I-I don't l-l-leave Men-menethil much, or else I m-might be in the s-s-same situation." He bowed his head, turning his attention to the ground between them, yet the smile remained on his lips.

"Eheh, well. Think I..ehm. need t'find a way not to be such a klutz." She murmured very quickly under her breath, fingering the bind of the precious sketchbook now. Her voice was still just a tad tremulous from the teary reunion with it, her touch on the pages and leather covering nearly apologetic. "Is the last bit've Old Gilly I really have." Amber eyes slid gradually back to Nate, finding him easier to look at when he wasn't directly staring on her. This allowed curiosity to flow. "Well...I..I've never....i mean I don't leave Stormwind much now....so I do wager we have that in common? Though...am quite thinking it's time to change that too." "Is...ehm...Menethil nice? Never really been there."

He nodded, only glancing up briefly as he spoke. "I-i-it is. M-m-much more ser-ser-ser--" Nathaneal paused, closing his eyes as his jaw tensed with the attempt of the word. Serene. Serene... With a slow breath, he felt the tension dissipate, allowing him to continue. "Sssssserene." He exhaled the remainder of the breath, his eyes fluttering open. "I pre-prefer it to S-s-s-stormind."

Rose watched the struggle with his words, her brow creasing with guilt now that it began to dawn on her that words seemed to even be more difficult for him than even, herself.

It all turned her back to a tactiturn quiet, not wanting to force more conversation he would be more comfortable without. "...well...thank you..." she finally peeped out, almost in a barely heard whisper, not knowing what else to add in a moment where all words simply seemed inadequate for her in the face of personal concern.

Nathaneal's smile suddenly faded, his posture visibly wilting at Rose's change in demeanor. The man bowed his head, unable to make any further eye contact for fear of further insult. "Of c-c-course. I w-w-won't de-detain you an-an-any longer... Good-good day M-m-miss Ha-ha-handhour."

With the returning unease thick in the air, Roselyn saw herself away, though the unease did not leave her as she left for the Cathedral, and the lake which was her little harbor behind it. Walking through the cemetary, a plethora of words came to her that she could have said, long after they had parted ways. She hadn't even offered to repay her sudden savior for his trouble! How rude!

Once seated at her place on the fishing isle, she nodded silently at the fisherman there  with a wry, smile, and opened up the saved sketchbook to a new, fresh page.

She would have to do something special for Mister Reising.

{ @natereising <3 Thank you for lovely awkward rps! Look forward to following up with Rose’s gift in return! }

[caughtt-up]

I finally have a label. I finally know what’s wrong with me...

Bipolar II.

For the longest time, I fought with the fact that some of the ones closest to me didn’t believe I was truly mentally ill. I was called “lazy” and “ungrateful”. My old friend group told me I was never there for them and “absent emotionally” when I was present... well how the fuck can I be there for someone when I’m not even there for myself?

I’ve suffered with mental health issues my entire life. I was diagnosed with PTSD after being hit by a car at the age of eight. I’ve been on anti depressants ever since. In high school, I isolated myself due to my depression and often found it hard to socialize and get out of bed.

My first semester of college was amazing and I thought I was doing better than ever but when second semester came around, things got worse than they had ever been. My (now ex) boyfriend of five years had become emotionally abusive and blamed me for his own declining mental health. He tore my confidence and used guilt to keep me around until I finally snapped. When I finally cut ties with him, he continued to manipulate me emotionally by telling me he’d commit suicide if I didn’t stay with him as well as other threats. I began to physically harm myself again. It started with digging my fingernails into my wrist and escalated to cutting myself with anything I could find, whether it was razorblades or shards of glass. When that wasnt enough, I would burn myself with a lighter overtop of my healing scars. Hurting myself was the only sense of control I had at the time. In about April, I was made aware that my ex had attempted suicide and had spent time in an inpatient care facility. This was the tipping point for me.

After sophomore year, I began to see a therapist and learned to not blame myself for Angel’s manipulative behavior or actions. I learned that I was not responsible and that I could not save him. She had me block his number and it’s been blocked ever since. Every few months, he gets a new phone number and attempts to contact me. Whenever I tell him that I cannot speak to him, he makes sure to let me know that “I was just as guilty as him in the demise of our relationship”. What he doesn’t understand is that everytime I see him, I panic. My breath catches and my heart beats fast. I am terrified of him and he’ll never understand the deep damage he did to me.

The summer after sophomore year, I learned I had failed out of the nursing program at UD. My mind was always elseware and I let my condition get the best of me. I rarely got out of bed and when I did, my mind was a blur. I couldn’t remember anything. All I could focus on was keeping a fake smile and keep moving.

Then comes junior year, I had improved somewhat after receiving intensive therapy sessions but was still not correctly medicated. My body had become immune to the high dose of antidepressants I had been on for over ten years. I began dating a guy named Deng, which began beautifully but his own deep emotional issues contributed to a cold and destructive relationship. My friends were not fond of him nor was my family. Our relationship ended abruptly at the beginning of senior year and I was broken hearted for awhile.

During the fall semester of senior year, I began seeing a clinical psychologist who prescribed me mood stabilizers as well as other pills to help in my hypomanic states. I have been able to control my depressive episodes more than ever and have found myself being more social than ever. I have been able to give my all to my college acappella group, as President, and was able to travel to Italy for winter session.

I began going out more. I travelled. I spent time with friends. And this coming September, I will celebrate one year clean of self harming. Last September, I got a small wave tattoo symbolizing the song “Swim” by Jack’s Mannequin. I’ve listened to this song throughout my middle school years and beyond whenever I was feeling hopeless or worthless and it has saved me in so many situations. Whenever I look down at my wave, I remember that the horizon is always ahead.

I was recently accepted to an accelerated nursing program nearby my hometown. I can’t wait to fully devote myself to this program and work harder than ever before.

Before I end, I wanted to share something that I rarely speak about (other than to my best friend Jeannette). My disorder caused me to lose my best friend. She told me I was never there for her and when I was, I wasn’t “present”. My heart breaks everyday from this and I often see myself overthinking and analyzing my newer friendships. I’m always wondering what I can do better. Am I a good friend to Jeannette? Am I a good friend to George? I wasn’t able to be to my old best friend. And part of me always wishes that she pushed me to get help. I still remember her telling me there was no way I was bipolar. It was always joked about how much I slept and how little I did. I was crying out for help. I understand that I’m the only one who could fix myself. But I saw the help they gave another friend, and part of me was jealous. I wanted to believe this wasn’t just in my head and that I hadn’t made this up. Part of me still wonders what I could’ve done differently, but I now understand the ones who love me the most understand. They see the darker sides of me and have learned to understand how I function and cope. They know the brighter sides of me too and that I’m more than hypomanic episodes and the depression that took over me for so long.

Everyday I learn more about myself. I’m not cured or quite where I want to be but I consider myself a work in progress. I’m proud of myself and how much I’ve grown compared to where I was even a year ago. I’m Bipolar and I’m okay.

“You gotta swim, don’t let yourself sink. Just find the horizon, I promise you it’s not as far as you think. And the currents will drag us away from our love... just keep your head above.”